#I DIDNT EVEN HAVE A GOOD LAPTOP AT THE TIME SO A LOT OF THE ART IS COMPLETELY FUCKED UP IN TERMS OF COLOR

[suja-janee]

Seeing all my old Star Wars art getting reblogged

[theinfernalcalypso]

📌

[moonastro]

Solar Return chart notes i

**not my images**

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ chart ruler in 12th house can suggest you moving abroad ( i had my chart ruler- moon in 12th house conjunct Jupiter (travel, foreign) when i moved to a completely new country. also my 12th house was in Gemini which rules over travel and trips so that enhanced it).

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ i had my 12th house packed with planetary objects (venus, northnode, uranus, sun, mercury and moon) and that year i was not doing too good with my overall mental health HOWEVER, i was very spiritually inclined that year, i started to develop habits related to spirituality.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ the year that i studied my a** off i had a SR virgo rising and mercury (the ruler) in 10th house in gemini (knowledge, mind, writing). i wrote alottt like loads and loads of notes for my exams.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ in the year my daily routine changed and i had a very difficult time to process it, i had my 6th house in scorpio and pluto (ruler) in 8th house (of death, endings, transformative occurrences). oh and to put the cherry on top pluto was in capricorn so yeahh.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ when i had moon in 5th house i was fantasying a LOTT about romance. i had moon conjunct neptune in PISCESS. i was very delusional about love. i didnt even want to be in a relationship lol i just liked the idea of it.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ the asteroid enterprise (9777) in my 11th house was the year i made lots of job applications through the internet. i sent in lots of digital stuff and had some calls through internet involving my career.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ in the year i had a very healthy friendship my 11th house ruler was in the 7th house (equality, balance, partnership) this was the most stable and very communicative (mercury) based friendship meaning that problems were solved were fixed through communications. mercury (ruler of my 11th house) was conjunct northnode, i received lots of gifts (7th house), opportunities, and she spent money on me on food mostly (in taurus). VERYY fascinatingg

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ when i started to post officially on social media, my sun was conjunct uranus.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ SR chiron in 6th house is not for the weak. i had this in 18 degress (virgo) and my physical appearance was all i was focused on and was very critical about it VERY.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ uranus in 9th house- i was very confused with my school work, the overall school experience was very unfamiliar to me.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ on the solar return that i had an 8th house stellium (chiron, venus, jupiter, neptune, mars) that year i had lots of luxury gifts given to me (Venus). i went to the movies on my birthday of the beginning of my SR (Neptune) we ate at a luxury restaurant (venus) in that year i got a brand new laptop (Uranus). i got a new set of tarot cards (Jupiter) and was bought a gym membership (mars).

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ when i had mercury in my SR 7th house i studied a lot about my future spouse (5 degrees) like i was looking at solar returns, reading my chart so on and on.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ moon at 1 degree in my SR, i was very sensitive and was overthinking about everything whenever someone would hurt me.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ sun in 10th house in SR, i wasn't seeking any recognition but i had no choice in the matter, others could NOTT leave me alone. i was talking a lot also to new people that i never spoke to before (sun conjunct mercury in Gemini).

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ i cant get enough about the 12th house but, the year when i had a 12th house stellium, i started to observe my dreams more and started recording them on paper.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ the year when my 12th house was in taurus (throat, voice), i barely talked, like i was very quiet.

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ SR scorpio ASC was very focused on occult things, i spent hours and hours studying (pluto in 3rd house) natal charts, tarot online (aquarius).

˚₊· ͟͟͞͞➳❥ my SR MC in leo was the year i changed my hair completey the way i havent before, i developed confidence with that hairstyle and never went back.

thanks you for reading. hope you enjoyed this post. have a lovely day !!

[prodbyton]

જ⁀➴ dirty little secret chapter 4: library shenanigans

written wc. 1.3k warnings: sex mentioned

a sudden feeling of impending doom shot through antons body. he needed to leave, and fast. how (un)fortunate of you to walk into the library while he was also at the library. he kept his head low as he saw you walk by him, eyes never leaving you until you were completely out of his line of vision. there was no way he would be able to get any studying done while you were here at the same time as him. 

you probably didn't even notice he was there, and its not like you two have ever interacted, so there was no reason for him to be so distracted. anton took a deep breath and let himself fall back into focusing on the sound of the soft music playing in his headphones and the contents on his laptop screen. 

anton figured you didn’t know about him, but you did. in fact, you followed him to the library. you saw him walk in about 20 minutes ago, and you decided that you’d wait some time before walking into the library yourself. you also saw the way he tensed up the moment he saw you, but you played it off as if you didn’t see him and walked straight past him like you’ve done plenty of times before. you waited another 15 minutes, strolling through the endless isles of books and even looking through a few before you made your way back to the table that anton was sitting at. 

you were behind him, so he didn't feel your presence until he heard your voice. 

“is this seat taken?” you move closer to him, leaning on the chair that was next to him. he looks up at you and freezes, eyes going from your face to your hand that was on the chair, and anton felt like he forgot how to speak. he opened his mouth to say something, but he just stared dumbly at you before nodding and letting out a small no. of course antons brain and voice decide to betray him when the girl he’s liked for a month is finally acknowledging his presence. 

you smiled to yourself as you sat down, watching as antons body got impossibly more tense than it already was. you kept a safe distance from him, not wanting to make him too nervous but close enough where you could feel his body heat. 

anton felt like he couldn't move. he didn’t know if he should say something or continue to study, but it wasn't like he would be able to focus when you were this close to him. it was one thing for you to be in the same vicinity as him, but to be this close was killing him. especially when he knew that he shouldn't like you in the first place. he honestly thinks that knowing that you were off limits amplified his feelings even more, and maybe he should indulge in this moment before it's over and he’ll have to let go of his crush in order to not lose one of his best friends. 

you were completely oblivious to the internal war anton was battling, thinking he was just some guy who had never felt the touch of a woman before. he was lucky you found him so attractive, because it was almost laughable to you how he has only said one word to you. after another minute of almost uncomfortable silence, you look at antons laptop to see him conveniently working on physics, the one class you both shared which made it a lot easier to let your plan to fall into place. 

“wanna study for the physics exam together?” your tone was slightly teasing, but you were still serious in your offer. anton froze once again, his fist clenched before he realized he was taking a bit too long to reply to you. 

“um, yeah i guess-” he spoke slowly, as if he was contemplating the answer as he was talking. but you didnt want to give him time to take his answer back, taking his shy yes as your green light to pull out your laptop from your bag. 

“good, i swear i felt like i was going to fail this class if i didn't have anyone to study with”

“well, i dont think i’m that good,” anton let out a nervous chuckle, looking at the way you watched him with an amused look on your face. anton hasn't felt this nervous around a girl in so long, and he was honestly embarrassed that he was acting like he’s never spoken to a girl before in front of you of all people.

“i’m sure you’re doing better than me in this class, and it's always better to study with someone else, isn't it?” you lean closer into him, letting your hand rest on his thigh right before his knee, and you smile when you feel the muscle tense under your touch. antons eyes immediately look down to your hand, your hand that was touching him, and he had to squeeze his eyes shut to check if he was dreaming. 

anton once again wasn't able to speak, and all he could do was nod at your words while you kept your eyes on him.

it might actually be a nightmare, because when he opens his eyes to see your hand still on him, he feels his dick twitch in his pants. anton wasn't a virgin, and he would consider himself pretty experienced, but something about you made his body react the way he would when he was 15. his body language didn't go unnoticed by you, in fact it made the smile on your face grow wider. 

you’re thinking it's going to be a lot easier to get into his pants than you thought. but right now, you’ll give him a little break. you take your hand off his leg and you can hear him let out a huff, which you can't tell if it’s out of relief or sadness.

putting your thoughts aside you really did need to study, and anton was pretty good at physics and you got a good amount of studying in. just when you felt like anton was finally feeling less tense around you, your phone started vibrating on the table. when he took a glance at your screen and saw the caller id, he was tensed up all over again. it was wonbin. 

“hold on, my brothers calling me” you grab your phone, clicking on the green answer button before putting your phone up to your ear “hello? yeah… im at the library” fuck, please dont come to the library “okay, ill meet you over there” anton tries his best to not look like his heart was beating in his throat, looking across the library when you finally place your phone back on the table. “sorry, i have to go meet my brother at the music department. can i have your number? that way we can plan another study session. if you want to, of course”

“i do!” he responds a little too quickly and a little too enthusiastically, amd he clears his throat before speaking again and you have to hold back the laugh that wants to escape you at his excitement. “uh, i’m usually busy with swim practice until late at night, so i’ll let you know when i'm free” you nod at his words while you pack your things back into your bag, and anton watches you the entire time until you’re getting out of your seat.

“okay, ill text you later. see you around anton” you let your hand rest on his shoulder, dragging across his skin over his shirt before your fingers brush against his neck as you walk away. he shudders, and he continues to watch you walk away until you weren’t visible to him anymore. you giggled to yourself on your walk out, knowing you have anton exactly where you want him. 

on the other hand anton was sitting with his head in his hands at the library table, wondering how the hell he was going to keep all of this a secret from wonbin and how the hell he was going to be able to be around you without feeling like he was going to explode.

m.list | prev | next

a/n: anton needs to get it together… stand tf up…

synopsis: living with your older brother had its perks, including easy access to his hot best friend

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[veryberryjelly]

🍷 + Jason Todd + Standing next to you by Jungkook with fem!reader pls 🥺👉👈✨️

jason todd x reader

lyrics ; 'afterglow, leave ya body golden like the sun and moon'

𝐍𝐀𝐕𝐈𝐆𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 ✦ 𝐲𝐨𝐮'𝐫𝐞 𝐢𝐧𝐯𝐢𝐭𝐞𝐝 𝐭𝐨 𝐦𝐲 𝐝𝐢𝐧𝐧𝐞𝐫 𝐩𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐲 !

a vacation was well needed for jason, and you were ecstatic that he was actually allowing you to take him out of the country for a few days.

it had taken you literally dragging him out of the house after he tried to 'run back to the office to check something' .

you knew if you let him back into his office he wouldn't leave again.

but once he was on the plane there was no turning back and he seemed to relax into his seat.

but the moment he seemed to truly let go was when you pulled up outside your temporary residence.

it was beautiful, a quaint villa in practically the middle of nowhere and yet only a short drive away from a grocery store that you had stopped by on the way up so you didnt have to leave the confines of the villa tomorrow.

you had researched this place a lot to make sure you could both be happy here.

it still had service so jason could get onto his laptop and check in at home if he wanted too, and it was so far from any other people that you didnt have to worry about anyone eyeing jason up while you lounged around the pool.

it may not seem like a massive issue but on every other vacation you'd been on with him, the minute his shirt was over his head, he had people eyeing him.

and when he pulled himself out of the pool you understood why and were glad your eyes were the only ones watching behind your sunglasses as drops of water dripped down his defined abdomen.

" seeing something you like, gorgeous ?" he teased as he padded across the warm stone floor to where you laid on your sun lounger.

before you could even formulate a response, you were distracted again by jason's strong form crawling over yours, a teasing smirk on his face as water dripped down onto your body, raising goosebumps on your skin.

he lifted one of his hands to move your sunglasses from your eyes to the top of your head so he could look into your eyes without the obstruction of tinted plastic.

" you know what you're doing, todd. good thing there's no one else around or i'd have to drop kick a couple girls " you joked, your arms lifting to drape over his shoulders, fingertips pushing through his wet hair.

" you know i've only got eyes for my baby " his voice dropped as his head lowered to press a featherlight kiss onto your lips, so light you questioned whether his lips even touched yours in the first place.

" i know, it's just other girls have eyes for you " you pushed yourself up into a sitting position on the lounger, watching as jason let himself fall onto your lap, turning so he could still look at you.

" don't care. only want you, angel " his words caused you to lean down and press a kiss onto his already slightly pink nose.

" love you too, handsome " you replied simply.

the rest of the day was spent lounging in the sun until it started to darken outside and you both showered and changed into something more comfortable for dinner.

dinner which consisted of a simple pasta eaten on the patio overlooking the sunset.

but all jason could seem to look at was you.

you could feel his eyes on you, and every time you looked over at him, his gaze remained fixed.

he didnt shy away.

he would simply offer you a smile and lift your locked hands to his lips to press a kiss to the back of your hand.

by the end of dinner, you had turned to face him, your legs up on his chair and his up on yours. and his eyes remained on you

" see something you like handsome ? " you teased, a smile worming its way onto your face.

" yeah, my gorgeous, gorgeous girl. you're freckles are coming out already, baby. caught the sun a little today "

he was right, while you lounged around today your cheeks had turned a light shade of pink that you noticed when you were washing your face after showering.

" so have you, jay. " you insisted as you stood and walked the few steps over to him, your legs straddling his as your hands cradled his face.

your forefinger dragged delicately over the redness of his face.

down the slope of his nose and across the apple of his cheeks.

" y'gonna let me put on some of my aloe cream on your face before we go to bed ?"

" you can do whatever you want to my face, sweetheart, as long as you still want to kiss it "

[darlinguistics]

'its just IMPOSSIBLE to not be addicted to your phone nowadays its UNREALISTIC-'

heres some advice to being less chronically online. for gen z (and younger??) who dont even know how to start thinking about it and have only heard shitty advice from older adults who just genuinely do not get it, from a fellow gen z and my experiences so far.

*these are personal and may not all 100% resonate but its still good prompting to start thinking about things! PLEASE feel free to add your own stories/advice in the notes! support your fellow humans, dont gatekeep what youve learned, lets have these conversations! and no negativity/pessimism please <3

first thing is to make it a less scary thought, a more concrete idea and not a hypothetical. it doesnt have to be all-or-nothing, cold turkey, a huge announcement and a fundamental shift in your personality. the internet will be in your life for the rest of your life, this is an ongoing relationship you are trying to make healthier thats all! and it takes one step at a time and some self-compassion, but a true effort nonetheless. 'dont you think thats a bit too serious-' if youre my age you quite literally grew up and developed online, it is literally part of your psyche the way your childhood is, it IS serious, you deserve to treat it seriously.

dont save your login info/dont stay logged in for social media accounts, having to manually log in when you want to go on like youre on some elementary school chrome book is a really healthy and clear boundary to have between being logged off and logged on.

-> bigger challenge - uninstall it on your phone in general, only log on on your laptop/pc if applicable for you!

if youre motivated to, try to work on your posture too. i only say that because most of our bad posture is at least partially related to being on our phones a lot, and when i started wanting to fix my posture, completely separately and unrelated from trying to break my phone addiction, it made it easier to lose interest in my phone since i didnt want to ruin my progress with my posture. it made me start to have a mindset like 'well if you cant do this on your phone with good posture then dont do it' and 'if youre on your phone so long your posture starts to cave in, youve probably spent too long on your phone anyway'

listen to music more. its easier for me to kinda write off my phone and do other things if i just open music or a podcast or long youtube video on it. i know we all love long video essays, but i recommend music more specifically for me at least because im less inclined to pause music or scroll while listening to it for some reason? whereas using a show or video or podcast for white noise, im way more likely to also be scrolling on my phone and that is my activity lol. music for some reason i dont want to interrupt and instead of being on my phone i can clean or do something productive on my computer etc

this one is sooo hard but try to fall asleep with some distance between you and your phone, even just a couple feet. mine stays on the desk next to my bed which isnt that far but its better than on bed like it used to be. when you wake up you probably wont feel like reaching for it right away if its far and even better if you have to get up for it because then at least you stand and move your body first thing instead of looking at your phone first thing. and try to get more and more of your morning routine done before touching your phone over time.

-> for me, i started by just trying to at least wake up a bit in bed before touching it, then stand up before touching it, then stand and stretch, then going to the bathroom first, making coffee first, feeding the cat first, etc. its surprisingly helpful to have a specific chore/task in mind that is The requirement so that everytime you do it you get a lil dopamine rush for unlocking your phone from yourself lmao. when the weather was nice i used to make my Requirement being outside first before going on it and i LOVED that. esp as it got easier and i started doing more and more before going on it and finally walking outside with coffee and my phone felt like such a pleasant little reward.

find a hobby that uses your hands. example: i really need to get back into knitting because when i did it regularly so much time that wouldve been on my phone was spent knitting with music/podcasts/shows/(even online lectures! when i felt productive lol) playing. its the same amount of physical relaxing - barely moving lol - but uses a longer attention span and a much better dopamine hit than scrolling, i literally MADE things.

-> you might be thinking, 'but mindless knitting isnt better than mindless scrolling is it?' but that mindless feeling on your phone is just that, mindless. the mindless feeling you get when doing something like knitting is actually closer to a flow state, which is actually incredibly good for you, like a fulfilling nutritious meal as opposed to 'empty calories' or whatever

get a widget for your homescreen that shows your screen time. i have one and of course it doesnt always stop me but seeing that time go up all day the more i use it and the pride of keeping it low is really helpful

practice grounding. in general.

spend more time on anonymous activities and have more privacy and less attachment with your 'persona' - what i mean by that is, i consider things like scrolling through tumblr (for me personally!) to be relatively harmless because i dont try to like,, brand myself here. if youre a tumblr regular you know the jokes - 0 follows, 0 notes, screaming to the void, moots you dont talk to, blorbo pfp and urls, fake names everywhere, and we're having fun! basically targeting the 'everyone is famous now' thing with this one - embrace being a nobody with no personal stakes here

-> personally ive never kept up with having social media accounts that are actually just, me irl - like a facebook or main instagram, like a locals account yknow? but i think it goes for that too - stop spending so much time trying to further personalize your online presence in the hopes of it representing you perfectly - because it never will, and it shouldnt, and you shouldnt aspire for that. your social media presence is lighthearted and incredibly surface-level, treat it like that! thats not me bashing social media either, having that mindset will make it more enjoyable bc youll be using it as it should be used!

do following/followers or camera roll/files or app purges. this is also a soft launch type of way to practice easing into a better mindset. aside from just literally getting rid of junk, the process of trying to judge whether or not you need something is good practice in mindfulness! even if you dont delete everything you feel like you maybe should, thats fine, youll do other purges in the future too. eventually youll get better at parting with things and realizing when things that feel good in a moment are actually bad for you. and it forces you to regularly check in on your more long-lasting parasocial relationships online and how theyre serving you or not

speaking of parasocial - for actual friends, if theyre irl, think about how much you interact with them online vs in person and why you think that is and how it affects you. maybe youll wanna see them more irl if possible (i promise its better for your friendship), maybe youll realize you dont need to keep tabs on them anymore (old high school acquaintances lookin at you). for celebrities and fandom things - try to think about the bare minimum content from them you could do with. you dont have to unstan all your faves and stop enjoying things - but do you need their notifications on? do you need to have a stan account? do you need them on all the platforms? do you need to have all that saved content of them? are there aspects of this that you love that could be found elsewhere?

if youre of the genre of online where you just cant help yourself from getting involved in big discussions or discourse and arguments - i recommend journaling when you get upset by something online, articulating your feelings without the idea of someone ever reading it and without the goal of 'winning' or being the most correct and logical or even the most sympathetic and morally good. take away every audience aspect of it. what is this really about for you, and why would strangers online deserve to hear your personal well-thought out opinions? why would your thoughts deserve to be simplified and misconstrued and underappreciated the way they would be in this discussion? is there even an outcome to this where you feel truly satisfied? are their people who are more worthy of hearing your thoughts who arent part of this audience? is this a conversation that is best held online where so much communicative nuance is inevitably sacrificed?

in the end these are all just practices in remembering how in control you are. and that goes for if any of these are scary or too difficult sounding too! these all become less scary if you remember that as soon as anything becomes too uncomfortable or painful, you have all the power to stop doing it, make a change, and try again later. so much of advice for quitting bad habits can be intimidating because the pressure and the shame that would come from failing scares you out of the possible benefits of trying - just go ahead and kill that shame from the jump. of course youre going to fail! you are going to have setbacks! thats part of it! you have agency in this, always. the internet is not inherently or completely evil nor good. build trust in yourself to make the calls on when it is serving you and when it isnt on a case-by-case basis, and then give yourself permission to learn through trial and error.

and remember you are worth all of this effort. i believe in us <3

[paingoes]

Rubies

Communication

authors note: kitty uses the word ‘nonverbal’ here in a way that isnt really medically accurate. thats kind of a whole discussion im not gonna get into now but tl;dr delta has selective mutism and autism but he isnt “nonverbal” per se.

(Content: living weapon whumpee, discussion of past captivity, past abuse, discussion of war, (internalized) abuse apologism, dehumanization, emotional whump)

================

katkittykat: hiiiiii :3c

nodiving: hey

He glanced over the top of his laptop screen, across the room where Kitty was curled up on the armchair. She flashed her teeth at him when she smiled. Her nails clicked against the keys when she typed.

katkittykat: this is so smart lowk idk why i didnt think of it sooner

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: i’ve seriously been drafting forum arguments in my head this entire time

nodiving: all of them probably think they won just cause i termed

nodiving: would it be weird if i just pick them back up like nothing happened

katkittykat: ya u might have to let those go tbh

nodiving: :/

It was very hard to type with the cast on. It took him much longer to write than it normally would. Luckily, she didn’t interrupt until she heard the typing stop.

katkittykat: so like whats the deal w u

katkittykat: are u not talking cause ur scared to?

nodiving: no

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: its not that im scared necessarily its just that its very very unnatural for me 

nodiving: it still feels rude and overfamiliar to me even if i know you dont see it that way

nodiving: this is a lot easier thank you

katkittykat: you dont have to talk if it’s uncomfortable !!!

katkittykat: its cool if ur nonverbal we can just keep texting like dis

nodiving: i think i do want to though

nodiving: its just hard

nodiving: please dont like…stop talking to me

nodiving: im trying

katkittykat: u will have to deal w us talking to u FUREVER !!!! >:3c

nodiving: <3

katkittykat: aaaaaaaah <33333

He hesitated a long time before typing the next message.

nodiving: do you think i should have stayed

katkittykat: what???? D:

nodiving: on a purely strategic level it seems like this was not the most optimal outcome

katkittykat: urghhhh 

katkittykat: well on a ~purely strategic level~ im not the best person to ask tbh

katkittykat: like im ngl galatea was NOT prepared for sudden reunification and thats why levon is so pissed at us X)

katkittykat: but it would have been hard no matter what and if the war had gone on we wouldve had to fight along 2 different fronts which is also noooooot good

katkittykat: and if we had to do that. we would have had to fight you! which would have been v v v not good  X(

katkittykat: so idk if there was really a better outcome? and even if there was like

katkittykat: its not ur problem

katkittykat: ur not just a chess piece to be moved around

nodiving: i kind of am though

nodiving: theres obviously been a huge fallout because of this and it feels wrong to write all of it off just because of. my rights or whatever.

nodiving: i feel like i kind of jumped the gun leaving when i did

katkittykat: aw jeez :(

katkittykat: i was curious abt that tbh i assumed there was some final straw for u but i didnt wanna pry obvs

katkittykat: seems like it was bad ?

nodiving: i dont know 

nodiving: i was more scared by the escalation it represented than anything that actually happened so i feel like i may have overreacted a little bit

nodiving: its hard to explain

katkittykat: ur ok! u can talk abt it when ur ready

katkittykat: but fwiw i really doubt you overreacted

nodiving: thank you

katkittykat: if anythin u seem to be kinda? downplaying it????

nodiving: it really wasnt that bad

nodiving: i could have gone longer

katkittykat: idk delta it kinda seems that bad

katkittykat: i think u got used to it

katkittykat: but that doesnt mean it wasnt bad

He gave her a nervous glance from across the room, his hands stilling on the keyboard. He reluctantly began to type again.

nodiving: did you say i didnt have to talk about it

katkittykat: yes!!!! mb

katkittykat: do u wanna play league omg we actually have time now

nodiving: yessssss

===========

nodiving: hi

sunspot: Hi Delta!!!! :)

sunspot: How are you !!!!

nodiving: im ok

nodiving: im sorry i was such a dick to you before 

nodiving: i was looking at the old messages again i feel really bad

sunspot: No you’re totally good! We were being really pushy i get why you were upset

sunspot: We were just worried for you honestly even when we didnt know you that well

sunspot: It was scary when you would just disappear for weeks at a time like that

sunspot: We just wanted to make sure you were safe

sunspot: Still do!

nodiving: thank you 

nodiving: i was scared too

nodiving: can i ask you something

sunspot: Yes please!!!! Yes I thought youd never ask!!!!

nodiving: is levon going to kill me

sunspot: Oh no

sunspot: He explicitly promised me not to

sunspot: Delta please do not tell me you have been worrying about that this entire time

nodiving: it stood out as a distinct possibility 

sunspot: Didnt he promise he wouldnt hurt you?

nodiving: yes

nodiving: you understand why i may be a bit hesitant to take him at his word

sunspot: Yes I guess thats our bad 

sunspot: But i really don’t think he wants that for you

sunspot: Do you think he’d wait for you to heal just to kill you at the end?

nodiving: not sure

sunspot: That was rhetorical! The answer was no.

nodiving: then what

sunspot: a good question

sunspot: I wish I had an answer for you and I really cant apologize enough for putting you in this situation but I'm afraid it could get very messy for a little while

nodiving: messy how

sunspot: In the broadest possible terms

sunspot: They dont really know what to do with you

sunspot: So that is something we are all going to have to figure that out together

=============

LEVON: Kitty.

LEVON: How are you, my sweet?

KITTY: omg hiiiiiii

KITTY: im rlly good actually things r rlly good!

LEVON: Any progress?

KITTY: ya i think so :)

KITTY: hes opening up a little hes still like. v v shy in person? but not as scared i dont think 

KITTY: hes very polite

LEVON: Poor thing.

LEVON: Does he have sensory issues? I hear that’s a big thing with psychics.

KITTY: ummm yeah hes v twitchy. i think he gets his signals crossed a lot but idk if hes aware of it? he just gets all hackle-y at literally nothing sometimes

LEVON: Interesting.

KITTY: how are things back there

LEVON: Well, it’s a shitshow. You’ll find out soon.

KITTY: eek

KITTY: um can i tell u smth

LEVON: Of course.

KITTY: i dont think hes ready yet 

LEVON: You have the rest of the month.

KITTY: no even then i just dont think hes gonna be ready

KITTY: he needs more time

LEVON: I feel like I’ve been more than generous in letting you keep an unsupervised superweapon(!) in your house for two months without disturbance 

LEVON: I’m not saying I’m going to put him through the ringer or anything but he does need to come back to base.

LEVON: You’re coming with him, so I don’t see what the issue is.

KITTY: will we b able to see him then :?

LEVON: Sure.

KITTY: can he room w me :3c

LEVON: Nope.

KITTY: why D:

LEVON: Security reasons. 

KITTY: levon :(

LEVON: This isn’t coming from me.

KITTY: but ur the boss!!!!

LEVON: Yes, but this isn’t an absolute monarchy. I’m still obligated to follow protocol and I’m obligated to listen to other members of the council.

LEVON: Who I should add, are a LOT less okay with this than I am. 

KITTY: ok i get all that but listen like

KITTY: i dont think u understand how fragile he is rn

LEVON: I think you may actually be underestimating him.

KITTY: uh wat do u mean by that

LEVON: He’s held his own within Empire for nineteen years. That’s not for the weak. He can handle a little strain.

KITTY: lol is that what u call it

KITTY: a little strain?

LEVON: Relatively speaking, yes. I’ll do what I can to make it painless for him. Personally, I think he’s innocent.

KITTY: he IS innocent

LEVON: Can you prove it?

KITTY: ITS SUPPOSED TO BE THE OTHER WAY AROUND!!!!

LEVON: That file you sent me. You made it, didn’t you? You’ve seen what’s on there? The casualty count?

KITTY: but thats not his fault!

LEVON: And I agree with you. But that’s what we’re going to have to establish. 

KITTY: but i dont want him to :(((

LEVON: What you want is not necessarily the basis upon which the courts operate.

==========

katkittykat: doing ok????

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: in my room

katkittykat: what do u do in there

nodiving: kinda just been sleeping a lot

nodiving: im really tired all the time i dont know why

nodiving: i didnt use to be

katkittykat: ur sleep debt is probably insaneeeeeee that why

nodiving: yeah

nodiving: im sorry that im like this btw

katkittykat: u dont need to apologize for resting bby theres nothing 2 b sorry for

nodiving: not just that i mean everything

nodiving: i know im not normal 

katkittykat: u rlly rllllly dont need to worry abt that around us i promise we r all freak bitches

katkittykat: i like talking to u tho and i think its ok if u dont realylly feel “normal” right now u dont need to b

katkittykat: u can just b urself and if u dont know who that is rn thats fine too becuz u have the rest of ur life to figure it out

katkittykat: i will still want to hang out w you anyway <3

It took a long time for him to respond. She thought he may have fallen asleep again.

nodiving: why are you being so nice to me

Her turn to hesitate. That was more of an Apollo question — he could explain it ad nauseam. She didn’t know what answer she could possibly give him, if he even really wanted one. 

There was so little she knew about Delta. Each glimpse she got of what his life had been like painted a worse picture of it. They always said he’s been through a lot when anyone asked; it was a convenient euphemism for a whole array of issues. He tried so hard to play his cards close it to his chest. It felt like a betrayal then, the way the signs slipped through. 

nodiving: you dont have to be

She frowned as she slowly tapped at the keyboard.

katkittykat: i wanna be tho

katkittykat: cause i like u

katkittykat: <3

Another moment of silence. She braced herself. There was no way she could try and unpack all of that herself. She hoped she would not have to. She would do it wrong.

nodiving: <3

…………

tags:

@catnykit @snakebites-and-ink @vivulapom @scoundrelwithboba @whatwhump

@pumpkin-spice-whump @deluxewhump @fuckass1000 @fuckcapitalismasshole @defire

@micechomper @writereleaserepeat @aloafofbreadwithanxiety

[iheartliquor]

dam im back again guys i just been taking it east both my laptops r broken the good one and the old shitty onee so i havent been tumblring much . psycosis was the most terriffying experience of my life , and i still cant figure out wat was real and wat wasnt , but the main point is that it doesnt matter and wat matters is just takin care of myself and not letting that happen again . tbh my friends said oh we knew this was coming one day which kinda made me feel bad lol but at the same time like wat do u expect ? u can only get away w that type of sleep deprivation n constnat inebriation and completely ignoring ur mental illness for so long . im doing cbt books now and im refusing to see anything but the love and light in every situation , cause like , u kno j, as they say ,, where we dwell in consciousness is truly where we dwell in life . its just been kinda hard and strange and bad and i feel like i have to like , superstitiously take plan b now wheras before i knew i would be fine . or no i didnt i mean before i would let myself have that as a worry in the back of my mind but now i have to superstitiously take precautaions . i kno that can b its own type of ocd and im doin counciling for that . its all just been really stressful and terrifying .... iwanna tell about the experiecne but i dont wanna like , u kno , spread bullshit around or pay attention to it when its bullshit . some parts were so good and beautiful , but some parts were so terrifying . i really thought i was bein taken to hell , and then i really thought like , i was so convinced i kill:ed myeslf and hurt my mom in that way i promsised myself i would neverr ever hurt her . that wasnt real tho but it felt absolutely so real :((( , i think how many years i would read ghost stories online and that felt like searching for something divine more than bein raised w my lack of god or watever , anyways , yeah im not gunna dwell on everything but basically im doing a lot better , i can tell the full story once im far away from it . ive felt so strongly sometimes like , i wish i could go back , to the world i lived in for the majority of my life where theres nothing that can get me or make me do bad things . and i can , i can i can i can itll just take awhile to get to the mental place where i can plainly see it was all or mostly bullshit / hallucination . brutal summer to be hoenst for tthis gal , oh well , anyways , sending u all all my love . life is scary and life is crazy and its still just all a big mystery , no matter what anyone says , and itll b okay , and i think i'll getta see all the people i love again just in a different way . eternal love , unconditional love , undying love ..... yes those three are the theme of the day...... anyways ok everyone have a lovely evening, its precious beautiful august . summer means so much to me , being where im from , and ive just had to like barely barelyy survive it this year , idk . or i alwayss said Every Single Summer I Feel Like I Was Born Again but this year i really really know wat that feels like , just in the snese of im gunna take my mental problems seriously now , instead of ignore them like my whole entire life . I finally figured out why LIQUOR ALWAYS FELT LIKE MEDICINE..... hahaha ok . all love everybody .

[remusawoooo]

anon here, excited to read the essay! i asked you because i really like your takes and i see people in the more canon-adjacent parts of the marauders fanbase to complain about the extremes of the fanon one, though personally ive never really seen anything Too extreme, tho thats probably just tantamount to how well i curate my spaces i suppose (ive seen people say that fanon makes remus really “alpha” or makes sirius “bimbofied” and while ive seen hints of those extremes here and there, mostly it looks like it varies from person to person. ive just seen remus be more assertive than he probably is in canon, or sirius being more dramatic and “fem” than he probably is in canon). from what i know people like exaggerating events (the prank, etc.) or shifting some personality traits, but i dont really think thats a bad thing - i personally enjoy it. as long as they dont completely turn characters into stereotypes (though its a pitfall of every fandom, i fear), then whatever its just camp.

people are allowed to criticize stuff like that though, not taking that away from anyone, i personally just dont really care enough to be totally accurate esp since this hyperfix is kind of the bottom of the barrel for me LMAO. but i ask mostly bc im just curious to see what other peoples opinions are, and bc i think - especially in a fanbase like this - that its incredibly important to be at least a little critical with your media experience and reflect on it. saying “oh fuck canon we’re just having fun” is fine and all, i dont think anyone is stopping you, i think the personalities people have made up for characters that have zero screen time are super fun and the little ships are not everyones tea but like its fine. but even still, people should be way more aware of what characters theyre dealing with and from what franchise, and like reflect on any biases you may have. if youre making shit up for a random DE character, or retconning some sutff, okay, whatever, but be sure to not defend or like suddenly turn to really weird rhetoric. idk i think its the bare minimum in a fanbase like this

i definitely rambled way too much here, super sorry op! i hope this doesnt bother you, feel free to reply or feel free to not. i just really like hearing peoples thoughts on things, and i like your takes and your blog so i hope i didnt catch you by surprise. i really am just an outsider trying to look in LOL

hello anon, I'm sorry I lost your ask. I was writing on my laptop and saved the draft (but apparently had to press on alt, and didn't do it) so I basically lost your question and half of my initial response. Ty for sending in another ask!! Not a bother at all, i find this very lovely :D 

I was mortified to find that someone who isn't really a part of the fandom was perceiving me while I was complaining about fictional characters ahahaha. still, thank you for validating me and asking my thoughts on the mischaracterization of marauders!! I do talk about it daily, unfortunately, and without any prompt too. I'll try to gather all my thoughts here. I don't necessarily come across fanon as much as I did when I reentered the fandom and honestly, I can not be more with you about curating your space !! at the end of the day, I am just here to have fun, and really, pointing out these issues is not a good time at all! But I do post a lot about these, I can't be bothered to bottle up any thoughts lol.

I think the major issue I have with current interpretations is the underlying bigotry that comes along with it. There is a lot of unchecked problematic content that doesn't sit right with me.

Flanderizing characters in fandom interpretations is not limited to marauders fandom obviously. any popular media will face this because so many of us want to interact with one character so their traits are simplified for easier consumption and to find a common ground. this is also not limited to new marauders fandom. even in the older era, leather jacket-wearing, motorbike-driving quintessential bad boy siruis was a thing. so I won't nitpick on silly simplifications.

I just want to say that this isn't about me wanting everyone to have the same interpretations as I do about the canon. I follow so many lovely people and I don't agree with all of their posts. But, we all just simply share the love for these characters in the text and form an imaginary community. So, if we were to remove all the issues I will mention, it is still very well possible to have different personal takes.

Here are some of my issues:

Queerness, Gender roles, and misogyny:

My biggest problem is the representations of queer relationships. the fandom packages these couples in a strange and obvious heteronormative mold where the individuals fit into male and female gender roles. mlm and wlw are now an “f/m”* stereotype and characterization gets affected by the ships. Heterosexual relationships shouldn't have these limitations either, anyway. There is no one way to be a woman or a man. With queer relationships in particular, we have reclaimed the word queer now but it was used to describe the unconventional weirdness in the relationship. We didn't fit into the normal portrayal of a loving relationship. So, it really bothers me, even in fiction, that queer ships are popularly consumed in a way that represents a traditional template. (*this is not about gender itself but the gender roles! f/m can very well be queer!). 

Let's take the biggest victim in this fandom: sirius.

Sirius’ portrayal concerning his gender and sexuality has heavily changed his characterization in the fanon. We have a character who is popularly headcanonned as trans and is it a coincidence that all their traits have changed from the og material? Sirius is suddenly vain, whiny, and dumb. Canon doesn't suggest this interpretation, it has to have stemmed from somewhere. It's the implicit bias. Sirius becomes a caricature of what a woman “should be”. When we focus on sexuality, there is the suddenly short twink sirius who has the same new traits- proving the point of fulfilling gender roles. These characteristics are a stand-in for the “female” role of the traditional relationship and it becomes more clear in the example of new age wolfstar. Remus is now the big alpha stoic manly man- the obvious stand-in for the “male” role. I could go on, it is apparent in the way you can see remus becomes a caretaker and sirius is taken care of.

The point I am trying to make is not to discourage gender/sexuality hc. I love them, keep them coming. But, why is female sirius not tall suddenly? It is not inherently bad at all to have a feminine and masculine pairing! But why do we need to change the constitutions of these characters to consume their relationship?

I'll keep dropping disclaimers because I hate being misinterpreted: I don't obviously mean every single person is doing this or that doing one of the things means doing the other too. 

Race:

It is related to the point above. I was personally so excited to see the popular desi james hc. Even in fanon, I have never seen such a prevalent and encouraged brown rep, it was quite sweet to come back to that. But the problem is the change of characteristics that comes with race hc. Desi james is also a manly dude who is big and buff as opposed to the white petite and delicate regulus within jegulus ship. The melanin is directly proportional to the manliness here. 

This is a propagation of race stereotypes. Maybe jegulus was a bad example because usually there are seen as blank templates. I will raise the argument that this can't be all we can come up with for blank canvases then. Either way, my point about race still stands when you repeatedly design interracial queer relationships so they fall into heteronormative roles. Anyway, same issue with wolfstar when there is a brown remus.

Canon, JKR, and hypocrisy:

Refusing to engage with source material is funny when we are picking characters out of it. the interpretations of the characters will be from their book. otherwise, they are just original characters with the same name. you can add onto the traits and a lot of the time fandom comes to a consensus regarding a few things! This is common in every fandom but I don't think I have seen such reluctance to not only critically engage with media but also shame others who do. We are surely in special circumstances with this fandom but I really do think jkr and how we navigate the fanon should be two different things.

Most of us don't condone jkr or even remotely agree with any nonsense she spews on the daily. Most of us can see the problematic nature of even consuming this media and staying in this fandom. It is one of the reasons I even left the fandom. Most of us are simply doing our best to engage carefully while distancing ourselves from her. So, it is quite laughable when some love to take the moral high ground for rejecting canon while still engaging with the same characters. (the rejection of canon in question being sirius’ height, lol)

(Sirius' height is quite a polarising fact apparently. Unfortunately, the point about height is also discussed so disingenuously. When I talk about sirius’ height, it is not really about him being 6 or 7 feet. It will not really impact my life. It is about what it represents. He is bimbofied as he becomes short. It's an issue of "WHY" again.)

Of course, this isn't an accusation of intentional bigotry from everyone here. The problem with this fandom is that the people in it tell themselves that it is progressive and to run away from the problematic creator as much as possible. We are not progressive if all we do is co-opt queer and racially diverse identities on such a superficial level. The bias manifests in subtle forms. I just wish we check ourselves from time to time, that's all. 

There is a lot of hostility when we try to discuss issues in the fanon. Things are interpreted in the most misguided way to just win the argument. Like I said in the beginning, we all just want to have a good time. That also means creating a welcoming space for vulnerable groups (especially when the same identities are used to pat yourselves on the backs for inclusivity points). I didn't even cover everything btw, I just wrote about the issues that concern me. queer and poc also partake in biased representations, I also probably have some biases that I didn't identify yet. I just think it would be super neat if everyone tried to make an effort to unlearn and engage with media without hurting anyone. 

I have other issues but they are all just super subjective opinions and smth I can ignore when others do. ex: I really don't like giving tragic backstories to bigots in the story. Not every supremacist loser has a trauma that forced them into oppressing people! There is also "tropeyfication" of all major ships. Just an overall issue in the reading world I think, though.

Anon, I didn't mean to make it preachy in any way btw. You probably asked for a silly little rant and I went full lecture mode, so I apologize for the tone shift!! I mentioned these because every other issue can be brought down to these imo. Like you said, I also don't have any fixation on everything being canon-compliant. I only complain by asking about the thought process behind certain kinds of changes, if that makes sense! I hope this wasn't a drag really and you can see where I am coming from. If I misspoke anywhere, pls lmk. Thanks for sharing your opinions too!!

This is a long long rant, anyone who read everything, you are wonderful and patient. Thank you for taking the time. This huge post and the content can make you think, “who cares this much?” or “it's not that serious” and yaa it really isn't that serious. The characters aren't real but we all are. the identities projected are real. so, it does matter to talk about this.

Everything said this is a fun place to be once you find your own corner in the playground.

[mystarsohee]

could u write cg doyoung or jaehyun (mayhaps both if ur willing) w a little fem reader? age range doesn't matter, whatever you're comfy with!

star blossom

genre: fluff

songfic kinda not really.. its just doyoung having his little listen to star blossom for the first time, a song he wrote for her (jus pretend he wrote the song in this world..) 😭

!!! non-sexual agere, only cg name used is doie.

cg!doyoung fem!reader

doyoung has been working a lot later than usual these past weeks, and honestly it has made a difference on you. everytime he comes home you can't help but cling to him for as long as possible. he feels the same way. you have the same effect on him, the way he has an effect on you.

the caregiver title was made for doyoung, who always had the instinct to protect and take care of you since you two met. he was the type to always give you sweet nicknames, like flower, or my love.

the reason hes been working so hard lately, is because hes currently helping write and release a song! what you don't know is that the songs lyrics have been written about you. about the memories the both of you make together. the things you two enjoy.

after long long weeks of doyoung working late, he comes home with good news.

"hi my pretty girl!" he greets when he enters.

"hi doie!!!" you waddle to him, cartoons still playing on the tv.

you immediately start clinging to him, and he pulls you and himself over to the couch. he pulls out his laptop from his bag, and starts typing and clicking. you watch as a file opens, labeled, "star blossom 🌸 demo"

"i've been working so late because i've been writing and singing a song. and i want you to be the first person outside of my coworkers to hear it!" doyoung explains to you.

"wow, i know it'll sound amazing because you made it! can i hear it right now?" you ask, with a head tilt.

he nods, plugs in a pair of earbuds and hands them to you. instead of putting both in, you hands one to him. so you can both listen together, you tell him when he asks.

"a night of walking with you i have these heart fluttering dreams walking, just us two, it's so sweet"

the lyrics remind you of the many times you two went out on late night walks. usually around the park, and you would go when you had trouble sleeping. they were always so peaceful and quiet, only sounds from doyoung or you were heard during the late hours of the night.

"when the white starlight blooms i'll hold your hand"

oh his voice is just so beautiful. from your perspective, its the most angelic thing you've ever heard. you grab his hand, and hes watching you with an adoring look. the two of you are already as close as can be, since you haven't seen eachother all day. going that long without your caregiver can get rough.

"soaked in the yellow moonlight are the hours of the night i'll remember it for a long time"

your mind goes back to those walks, honestly they had to be one of your favorite things to do with your doie. his presence was always just so comforting, you never felt unsafe when he was around. doyoung would always play with you, no matter how exhausted he was from that day. he just made everything better, and you hope he knew that he brought endless love into your life.

"we fill up our empty silences with small conversations. you are so bright, more than those stars"

doyoung did have a habit of calling you his star.. always talked about your bright smile to you, and anyone he had the chance to talk to. he looked at you like you were the only thing in the universe. always with such attention and care, his members loved to tease him about it. he didnt care about that though, because all he really cared about was you.

"look at the stars, theyre shining for you everything is so beautiful, just like when you walked over to me"

he loves you so much. like, so much. doyoung never knew he could love anyone this much. everything you do makes him love you even more, and when he became your caregiver it was like nothing could ever go wrong again. he loves to take care of you, whether you need help eating, or getting dressed. he'll do it for you. or if you do something you're not supposed to, he has no choice but to discipline you. doyoung always feels like the most horrible person ever when he sees you tear up.

speaking of tearing up...

"doie... that was so.. so good!" you say while sniffling, and doyoungs face quickly drops.

"oh my love, i didnt mean to make you cry. i just wanted you to hear the song.." he says, wiping and kissing your tears away.

"it was very pretty.. thats why i cry! and- and the lyrics, like when we, uhh, go walk at night!" you try to explain how you felt, but it was difficult with your current headspace.

"the lyrics were about you pretty girl. its you, you're the star blossom." he smiles, tears building up in his own eyes. doyoung removes the earbuds from his ear and yours, and brings you in for a big hug.

you two stay like that for a while, soaking up eachothers love and comfort. in the next month, when doyoung officially released the song, it was playing non-stop. anytime you got the aux, or had headphones, star blossom was playing. doyoung appreciates all the love you give to the song, knowing that he wrote it with you in mind the whole time.

author note: HI ANON!!! sorry if this took long to put out.. i hope you enjoyed! it was honestly a bit rushed but i actually love this song so bad.. and the lyrics too 🥹 also sorry i didnt ever really mention sejeong.. i still love her tho 😛 shes a boss queen!!! i think this scenario is so cute, like imagine doyoung writing a song for his little omfg. as always, feedback is appreciated! 💕

[cupoftaae]

come over- KTH drabble

A/N :ahem. clears throat.

Guys I want to apologize for not posting for so long, I have been so busy with school and work but I promise im already writing chapter 3 of "Forever And A Day", it will be out soon. Thanks for all the support and sorry for the wait :(

let me distract you with a drabble

warnings: none really? lil suggestive but just fluffy.

pairing: taehyungx f!reader

enjoyyyy

--

"what is wrong with you?"

you lifted your head off the pillow to look at your laptop, your boyfriends face looking back at you with sad eyes over the video call.

your dark eyes glared him down before he realized how defensive his previous statement came off as.

"I didnt mean it like that!" he chuckled nervously as he through his hands up, further explaining himself. "I mean, whats going on? youve been kinda off lately." he picked at his bottom lip after he spoke.

you simply shrugged and exhailed heavily, your boyfriend was too observant for your own good. you knew you were beginning to struggle with things again recently, but it wasnt anything you couldnt handle. Besides, Taehyung has his own shit to go through. The last thing you need is to throw yourself into his arms and sob about how pitiful your life is despite the fact you cant even do an-

"baby?"

you look down at your screen.

he sends a sympathetic smile your way before speaking. "where are you right now?"

"my room?" you furrowed your brows, confused.

"no, what are you thinking about? whats going on my love?" he further pushes, seemingly worried, which only makes you worried.

you sigh and lean back so you are out of the cameras view, clutching onto your pillow as you mentally debate yourself. "im just having a hard time right now" you mumble quietly, and although he cannot see you, taehyungs eyes are fixated on his laptop.

"I dont want to bother you tae, its just....its just a lot, and frankly Im not in the mood to discuss it toni-"

"Y/N"

"what?" you turn your head and lift the laptop so you can see him.

"its okay if you dont wanna talk tonight, but I really dont want to leave you alone right now. Can I come over?" he spoke with the softest voice, as if he was tiptoeing and nervous of your answer.

"tae, baby, you really dont have to"

"but I want to" he pouted adorably. You knew deep down that you didn't want to be alone either, but you also felt guilty for being the cause of him driving so late over to your apartment in the rain.

you sighed deeply before accepting, knowing he was coming whether you agreed or not. "just drive safe ok? please?" you spoke as you watched him dart up to grab his jacket

"I will my sweet girl, I will be there soon, Love you" he spoke, blowing a kiss into the screen, making you laugh at how corny he was when it came to you.

"love you too" you smiled softly and disconnected the call, cleaning your room quickly as much as you could. Over the past few weeks you had been struggling to find energy to do simple shit, like laundry. your room was a mess frankly, and you didnt want him to see what youve been dealing with.

about 20 minuets later, you open your apartment door to a wet hair-ed taehyung. you had dragged him in quickly and fetched a towel to rinse his hair, making him laugh.

"back from the war babe, you miss me?" he teased, gently grasping your arms from his head and pulling you against his chest.

"yes, I missed you a lot. I didnt realize how bad the weather was, im sorry you had to drive through that" you offer an apologetic smile, stepping back to look at him.

his large hands cupped your cheeks, leaning forward to press a kiss to your lips. "stop apologizing you loser" he laughed and stepped away quickly to show you a large brown paper bag. "look" he spoke, seemingly proud of himself for whatever it was.

"wow a bag" you giggled, watching him walk into the kitchen to set it down. "no no," he turned to you, "close your eyes!" he spoke with excitement as you followed his orders, unable to see, but listening to the ruffling of the bag.

"okay, look now" he laughed softly as you gently fluttered your eyes open to see your boyfriend standing in front of you with a small bouquet of flowers, and the biggest grin across his face.

your eyes dart between them and him and you pout, "baby you didnt have to get me flowers?" you reached out and held them, they were so beautiful. how did he get these so late? you dont deserve him.

"thank you so much my love, but why did you get this?" you spoke as he brought you close, kissing your head. "well, you said you were having a hard time...and we dont have to talk about it..but I wanna make you feel better. Pretty things always make me feel better, and flowers are pretty and so are you, so....."

you look up at him and resist the urge to pinch his bread cheeks and leave kiss marks all over them. you loved this man to death.

"youre such a sweetie" you nestled your head against his chest as you both swayed gently in the kitchen at 3:28am. "I love you, thank you sweet boy"

"I love you most, princess." he ran his hand through your hair before seeming to remember something suddenly. "Oh! also, baby, I have some more surprises for you." he stood back and wiggled his eyebrows at you.

you raised a brow, "is it sex?"

he looked taken back, "well no...." he blushed as he continued to dig into the brown bag to pull out a small container of ice cream, grabbing two spoons and holding it up for you. "but maybe we can do that after" he smirked.

you laughed and took the ice cream into your hands. only your boyfriend would come bearing sweets this late. "Thank you, again" you smiled and kissed his cheek. "you didnt have to do all this, seriously."

he shook his head and took your hand. "I love you, and things will be ok. I dont have to do anything, but you deserve everything"

you hugged him so tight you both almost lost your balance.

"cmon babe, lets go indulge in chocolate-caramel ice cream, while we lay in bed and watch netflix" he skipped childishly to your room as you followed.

"oh are you finally gifting me your password?" you teased, giggling.

he turned and pouted, "I told you, I would let you have an account on my profile but my mom and dad insist on having 2 different accounts instead of sharing one"

"i was just teasing baby" you laughed and slapped his butt as you walked past him.

He chuckled and jumped onto the bed, joining you and cuddling you closely, kissing your head and eating ice cream as you two ranted and went on about whatever there was to discuss for adults at almost 4am.

with no time, you found yourself able to forget about what was bothering you, even if it was just for tonight, you had him. you had taehyung. and you were so grateful.

A/N : loving tae hours.

[aonungyou-shit]

Movies? You mean crying time?

Warnings: Maybe some spoilers for Luca the movie I mention (idk i think itll be interested if the reef navi would watch something with water yknow. Also i cry like a baby at luca and im also still so stupidly obsessed). 

“Come on, come on! Before norms takes it away” Tuk spoke now, taking your arm and rushing off to a little part of the little setup Norm and Max had set up. 

Kiri and yourself now running off as quietly as you could. Truth be told you two knew you wouldn’t really get into trouble. You were allowed, Sometimes to watch the movies that Norm had surprisingly saved. And honestly working up the old ‘uncle norm pls’ puppy eyes you had managed to master. 

Well safe to say you wouldn’t get into trouble. 

All your siblings huddled under the shawls and blankets that you had of course weaved up with Kiri. Now You did know that Lo’ak was inviting Tsireya. But now three metkayina’s were sat there huddled up with a basket of fruit. 

It was a funny sight to see really. 

“We got it! Now c'mon. Let's choose one” 

Now you knew and oftentimes teased Norm for being a giant nerd. Having a good Catalog of not only Children movies, But horror or Comedies. You didn’t get them much. And seeing as you knew Tuk was joining you decided to just allow some kids movies. 

“Which one’s haven’t we seen?” 

You continued to scroll. Now thinking about it there were a few movies about the sea or anything relating to that. So without much thought you clicked on Luca. 

“Oh yeah nice one” 

You smiled Letting her get comfortable as you set the laptop up on a Basket you had brought. No doubt all of you would be huddled together to see the tiny screen. “We should have stolen the projector”  

“We barely left with our lives” Kiri said dramatically. Which you rolled your eyes on. 

“Okay but if we all have crooks in our necks it isn’t my fault. Everyone ready?” 

You got a collected yes. Before hitting play. Now Going to join the pile. Shoulder to shoulder with Ao’nung. Who Extended his arms to cover you with the blanket. 

Your twin. Neteyam leaning back and resting on your leg. Which you didnt mind now but would later, no doubt. When your leg would fall asleep under his weight. 

Hearing the music play was a little startling. You knew English and that was pretty much it. 

“Demon Language? This isn’t english” Tsireya said. 

You had completely forgotten that now that you have taught them about english it probably would be startling to not hear that. 

“Yeah human’s had a lot of different languages” You said 

No doubt you would have to answer questions later. No doubt about why on pandora would human’s make communication so difficult. 

You just Let it be. Finally seeing the sea monster that the two characters were talking about. 

It was nice. Seeing what earth’s sea was like. 

“So wait? Human’s had those sea monsters?” 

“No Rotxo its just a movie. Yknow like… Like a story That’s not true” 

“That’s stupid” 

You rolled your eyes, shushing everyone as you got yourself some fruit. No doubt the little bits and pieces of commentary would be happening. Given this was their first time watching a movie. 

You eat your snack as you watch the movie progress. 

Resting your head on Ao’nung shoulder you continued to watch. 

=============================

You bit down hard on the fruit. The bone is now grinding against your teeth as you watch the scene unfold. You didn’t even notice how all of you seemed to lean in on the little screen at that moment. 

You had many movies that did this. That builds up the music in such a tragic feeling and right now you were preparing it. 

“See i knew this”

“Sea monster” 

God it really broke you. The tears now build up as you watched Alberto gasp as Luca had betrayed him. You heard tuk let out a little no. No doubt most of you are crying at this scene. 

You could only watch eyes glued to the laptop as you watched Ercole throw harpoons towards Alberto. 

Ao’nung took notice of your tense figure beside him. Looking at you he noticed how your eyes were now streaming down tears. You rubbing your eyes and trying not to make too much sound as you couldn’t help but cry at the scene. 

Ao’nung did find it sad. He didn’t know why or how. But he found himself relating to the kids. In a way he would feel bad or worse if his best friend would betray him that way. 

He tapped your hand. Making you look at him. He took the time to wipe away your tears before peppering your cheeks with soft kisses and then planting one on your forehead, being careful as to not disturb the others. 

“Its alright” 

You couldn’t help but nod and laugh a little. God you hated watching movies that made you so stupidly sad for people that didn’t exist. 

But you continued to watch, leaning your head on Ao’nung. 

It was now really quiet. And you looked ahead to the rest of your family. Neteyam had unfortunately fallen asleep on you. Tsireya hugging your little brother. Tears in her eyes as she continued to see the movie. 

“Yes it is, you're not like me. Your the good kid and i'm just the kid that… ruins everything” 

You didnt even try to hold it. The Little sob that left you as you watched Alberto hold himself in. It was so sad to think that humans, whether fake or not, Had to know the concept of abandonment. It wasn’t normal. It was never meant to be normal. 

“So human’s abandoned their family?” Rotxo asked rubbing his eyes as he continued to watch the scene. Breaking the silence as he finally sat up next to Kiri and Spider. Spider biting his lip as he was often the one who felt abandoned. 

“Sometimes” Lo’ak commented. 

You sushed them again. Leaning into Ao’nung again now putting the bone of your finished fruit in the basket. 

And continued to watch. 

It didn’t feel like much time had passed. But pretty soon the ending came. Neteyam woke up just in time as you watched the kids on screen win the Cup that they were so adamant of winning. 

It touched you how the music played. The visuals. The way they felt liberated. Yeah there weren't a lot of scenes of the ocean. But the scenes of the human towns. It made you long for a home you could never know. 

From the stories your father told you. Earth was dead, there was nothing that human’s enjoyed more than little times of fun. And an escape from a reality that was dull and void of anything that meant living. 

You felt sad and yet so happy. Watching the little boys interact. 

“But, how am i gonna know your okay?” Luca said 

You watched as they hugged and you wanted to sob again from happiness. Watching as the two boys tightened their arms around each other before Alberto spoke

“You got me off the island luca, Im okay” 

Now it was Rotxo’s turn to begin to cry. By Eywa he never thought he would cry over human things. But here he was. just like Ao'nung who also began to sniffle

Now this made you look at him. His normal cocky face now sprinkled with some tears here and there while he bit down at his lip trying so hard not to sniffle. You couldn’t help but laugh a little. Before taking his face in your hands as you kissed his cheek as he did for you a while ago. 

“That was beautiful” 

You heard Tuk cry as she whipped her tears off too. 

“It was! I cant believe humans made such a heartbreaking story” Tsireya said wiping her tears too. 

You watched as everyone Began to sit up. No doubt by now it is dark and probably your father is looking for you all. 

Just as it seemed. Norm had opened the door. Eyes Crossed as he stared at all of you and then at the Laptop he had been missing for over an hour. 

“Care to explain?” 

“Shit..” Kiri muttered 

You laughed a little, grabbing the laptop before handing it over. You could manage another earful from your father or from norm. But you would in fact ask if you could have days where he allowed you to watch your movies. 

Maybe once in a while if you don't get into too much trouble.

[monggay]

holy fucking shit you guys. um. i came across. a treasure trove. of um, my past self. came across an old group chat w some friends back when i was like, 12-13, and. holy shit.

good news: apparently i did use to be somewhat talkative and not quite as anxious to talk and interact ! i used to be able to carry conversations! not well or inawkwardly but very much plenty! i used to be able to talk and joke around without taking a million psychic damage just trying to send a message and even just saying whats on my mind carefree without being anxious that itll be weird or that they didnt want me to say that or that i didnt have to scramble for words or be unable to come up with quips or anything to reply other than just 'lol' or 'lmao'!! i feel like these days i only know how to talk and word things in a given or meme way aka all my vocabulary is just. tumblr memes.

bad news: holy fucking shit i was so cringe. like. on another level. on levels unimaginable. i was straight up just. weird. you know, horny preteen discovering sex jokes and crude language and sex humor for the first time? straight up had no filter, loved to ramble, except also had zero social sense still and rambled to a weird and overly and uncomfortable degree where it was just awkward and often said things that just. made the conversation weird? i embraced that weirdness and like, good on me i guess, but i think i just usually ended up saying things? blurting anything on my mind, that well. technically arent bad? or seriously fucked up or anything but just like. will probably haunt me for the rest of my life if i look at it now.

also like. i dont remember any of it ??????? i vaguely remember a Few conversations, but a lot of it? just straight up. unfamiliar to me who the fuck is that i dont remember saying any of that shit that past me is so fundamentally different and alien to me i literally dont recognize or remember anything i did then anymore

apparently i was just a giant nerd who read way too much smut and was just a little too unashamed and had very little sense of appropriateness which yeah i get given my age then its that. age of you know. just got exposed to people being vulgar, recently transitioned to high school from elementary, which is probably like. a way more. fucked up thing that people realize sometimes. cause in elementary i always thought i was still like you know. a little kid. but going into high school (which is younger than in US hs, at 12 y/o) youre suddenly treated or like, expected? to be older? more knowleadgeable? you know that thing about how kids these days are all trying to be adults now and how theres really no more media like the disney teenage live shows that separate little girl to grown lady? i think that jut like, hit me a lot in 7-8th grade + the introduction of nsfw shit and fandom and the internet (cause like. i did not have internet in elementary school, At All. and then suddenly in high school i was supposed to have a messenger account for school, i had a phone, i could use the laptop, i think i had a weird relationship w the internet then, cause at that point all my friends were already exploring facebook and posting etc, but i was so anxious and shy about that already that i just never started (which like, continues to today, i still dont use fb at all, cuase it feels so weird and awkward to start now when i was so adamant against not using it in the past) aaaand ive lost my train of thought and the point of this sentence

[loversj0y]

am i the only one who has a boiling hatred for fanon ghostbur?

Like--- I'm neutral about canon ghostbur.

But i really really hate how so many people went as far as saying that Ghostbur was all the good parts of Wilbur.

That is just so wrong---- ghostbur has the good memories, but not all the good parts. it just drives me nuts.

ghostbur wasn't good for c!tommy or anyone coping with wilbur's death

it wasn't his fault, but people need to stop depicting him as they do

ohohoho i specifically waited to get to this until i had my laptop because i love me some character analysis! so. lets talk ghostbur!

disclaimer: these are opinions, i didnt write the character, this is just how id analyze ghostbur and audience portrayal of him

so something i think people dont note about ghostbur a lot is the fact that he is not wilbur in a much more real sense than people realize. something that revivebur kind of touches on but people dont really note (in my opinion) is the way the memories and your actions during memories actually shape you as a person. ghostbur could never be all the good parts of wilbur because without the negative memories, he could never have knowledge of how he can be good in negative scenarios, like being good towards tommy in darker times. this is one of the biggest things that makes ghostbur not healthy for the characters around him, and why wilbur being revived is so important to wilbur's overall character arc

ghostbur is the image of wilbur if he never dealt with significant problems, never caused problems or engaged in them, because he only has good memories, he's never seen himself in a negative situation (think to how ghostbur reacts to philza telling him fundy wants to be "adopted" by someone else (i cant remember who at the moment))

when people tell him of his own negative consequences, he literally cannot react in a way of genuine remorse. he feels guilt because he learns that the living version of himself did those things, but he cant actually give any apology that would be beneficial to anyone involved. ghostbur cant apologize for something he cant remember doing because he doesn't know why he acted in those ways.

we can contrast this with when revivebur tries to later apologize (im thinking particularly to fundy) and how when fundy asks why he did those things, he tells him about how he wasn't well mentally. even though fundy doesn't accept the apology (in a very. drastic way), revivebur can actually acknowledge his own motivations, which allows him to actually have a chance as being forgiven.

ghostbur doesnt know any of those motivations, which is why his character is unhealthy. he is literally a ghost of the man he once was, so even though people want genuine answers, before knowing he was going to be revived, they had to realize that ghostbur is basically a punching bag for them to push their issues with c!wilbur onto because ghostbur cant actually respond in any meaningful way in terms of remorse and forgiveness.

also, as for the audience portrayal, i think people got very caught up on the "sweet ghost boy" image rather than what he actually is and how he actually affects the characters. he literally haunts them and reminds them of all the trauma c!wilbur gave them, while knowing that he can't actually answer for any of it because he doesn't remember hurting them

its a very famous philosophical argument (i believe by kant) about the concept of "if someone has no memory of committing a crime, can they actually serve time for it?" because if you have no memory of doing something, can you actually learn from and grow from your experiences?

because ghostbur cant. and thats what hurts the people around him so much. people like c!tommy and c!philza who geniunely care about c!wilbur and want him to be okay know that ghostbur is not that answer because he can't grow from memories he doesnt remember playing a part in, so it hurts to see someone you love be constantly stuck in place of never being able to grow and never being able to answer for all the things you want to ask.

ghostbur is so important to c!wilburs arc because he reminds people not to seek justice on those who can't answer for it. some people actually recognize this, some don't, and some just avoid him like a plague because it hurts.

[inthedayswhenlandswerefew]

Hello there! I am currently reading your fic 1968 and K just wanted to come on here to gush about it for a moment - really didnt know what to expect but saw it recommended and decided to give it a try because it sounded quite fun, though the time period and topic kinda threw me for a loop - so far I have learned a lot about US history and am just absolutely flabbergasted by how GOOD this fic is.

I truly feel transported into the world, I feel with the characters and for the characters and when I stop reading I cannot stop thinking about it.

I truly adore your writing in a way I can't quite put into words because i am certainly not as poetic as you are, because that's how your writing feels, poetic. English isn't my first or even my second language, and thus i often don't have as much of an emotional connection to it the way I do my mother tongues. But your writing has truly caught me and I am obsessed. The imagery, the symbolism, suddenly I actually want to put my english uni courses to use and analyse what I'm reading and start annotating. First time for everything.

Usually, when starting a new fic, I read a few chapters, and if i like it, I put it down, later download it for safekeeping and put it on my ereader, because I just enjoy reading stuff on there that much more. With your fic, i've struggled, because I don't want to wait until i've downloaded and made a cover and uploaded, but i want to read it right now this instance because i am so invested and full of anxiety. (Also, if you want me to remove the fic from my Device, just tell me, i will.)

I am definetly going to pick up your other first after this one. Your writing is incredible, and if you ever plan on writing any original fiction, i would be a supporter.

I wish you a great day and thank you for sharing your wonderful skill and your stories.

Beloved!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥹🥹 I am overwhelmed by your kind words! I am so so so happy you are enjoying 1968, and I hope you like the rest of the story (even if/when it gets painful). Also... "though the time period and topic kinda threw me for a loop" yeah this is like everyone's experience with 1968 😅😂 I really appreciate you giving the story a chance!!!

I never predicted 1968 becoming so beloved because it is truly a very strange premise and there are a lotttttt of historical and political details I had to squeeze in there, I figured most people would find it boring or confusing but I just fell in love with the idea and had to write it anyway. Your support is so so so cherished by me; I do hope to write and publish original fiction one day and knowing that there are people out there who believe in me is just...wow!!! I'm forever in awe of how kind people can be to a total stranger, just a lady with a laptop and a lot of weird angsty ideas 🥰

And yes of course you can download any fic of mine for your own personal use, that's always fine!

Again, thank you so much for reading, and please let me know what you think when you finish Chapter 12! 🌕🐄💜

[mamadarama]

your madarei textposts r so good they are like my life support and honestly i have almost all of yours saved in my laptop's gallery and i open them every time i am down. thankyou for them. for real. also may i ask what made you like them?? (like for example what you like from their interactions or stuff like that)

YAAY thank you im happy you like them !!!!!!!!

a lot of why i like them is that rei and madara two of my top favs , but also cuz theyre so similar but so different . its like theyre different species that diverged from a common ancestor only 300 generations ago . theyre noticeably the same thing but just as noticeably different at the same time , so much so that when keito had to get rid of them during the war he used the same methods for both of them . also the successor thing ????? sorta gay if you ask me. and madara explicitly stating he would kill a man if rei asked him to immediately after walking through the door even though rei didnt even say anything .... also after madara got back on his feet after being disowned he still visited rei a lot for "successor business" which sounds to me like a thinly veiled way of saying they were fucking without actually saying it outright . also theyre best friends and on madaras relationship chart it says rei is somewhat scared of him which i find hilarious considering who rei is and what hes capable of . its very "i wouldnt want to meet the animal that wolverines would run from" if that makes sense. both of them are too stubborn to ask each other for help when they need it but having the option available makes it easier for them to tackle problems on their own more confidently , because they know they have backup . unfortunately them being together is also the worst thing for almost everyone else because theyre both a monumental headache to deal with individually , let alone together .