#I actually cannot think about it too hard w/out crying

[thedailybullshit]

To everyone who bitched about the damn hair:

Are you happy now?

[fcthots]

Heyy! i hope you're having a wonderful day today let's start with that! <3 Soo I know many people find the Jason Todd friends with benefits au hot but personally...I CAN'T. My softy self will cry of jealousy so hard because of the no strings attached thingy. I couldn’t help imagine reader and Jason in that situation (hope this is understandable its my first ask and im still working on my english!) Love your writings and please don't feel pressured to write if you're not feeling up to it!

no bc i have been thinking about this and IEDJFHNEIJF i have opinions. There is only ONE (1) correct way to do fwb w jason and it is ANGST.

You're both hopelessly in love with each other. You both know it, but you can't be everything you want to be. You can't have the one thing you want most, but this will just have to be enough.

His eyes always linger on you. No matter what you're doing. It's like he gets drunk on just watching you move. He'll sit on your couch after he swore he'd stop coming over. He watches you wash dishes and wipe down the counters. He twitches every time you move as if he wants to stop you, as if he wants to do it for or with you, anything for you to not do it by yourself, but he doesn't get up, only watches. Watches you like you're a deity and he is your most devout follower. Watches you with so much adoration that you swear he's in love with you, but he'll be gone before you wake up, and you'll fall asleep to him saying "we can't do this again," but he'll come back. He'd come back in a hurricane, tornado, earthquake, anything to see your face. You swear he's in love with you, but then he'll say he doesn't want to see you again, even if you know he'll come back. You tell yourself that wanting and needing are different things. He doesn't want to need you. You try and tell yourself he loves you, but he makes sure to tell you he doesn't.

You take him back every time. You take him back like he didn't leave you in the middle of the night. Take him back like he didn't say that it was the last time. You take him back like you actually want him. He'll let himself believe it, because he wants you so bad, but he can never let you know that. He needs you like a drowning man needs air, but he cannot have you. He cannot keep you, but how is he supposed to tell you that? Sometimes when he slips in through your window soaked with rainwater and you wrap his towel snug around his shoulders and run your fingers through his hair, and he swears you love him too, but it's better if you don't so he lets himself believe it. He lets himself believe you don't love him the way he loves you, so he can pretend he isn't killing you when he leaves before dawn. He knows he has to leave. He has to keep you safe. Safe from the world. Safe from him. He'll only break your heart if you let him keep it, but he breaks it every time he puts it down to leave.

He's in love with you, but protecting you comes first even if it only hurts you both more. You will take anything he'll give you. You undo each other. You lay yourselves bare for only the other person to see. It only hurts you, but you can't stop. You can't stop because it's too much, but not enough. It is all you have and ruining what you have. You hate each other for it. You love each other. You scream his name every night. Sometimes he draws it out of you, and other nights you scream it into the sky with tears in your eyes. You will never forgive each other. There is nothing to forgive. The poison tastes sweet when it comes from your lover's hand.

[gh0st-t0wn3]

Lmk ss edits + headcanons, Part 6 (Azure Lion, Peng, Yellowtusk)

(I originally made my own design of Azure and Yellowtusk but wasn't quite happy with how they turned out so I scrapped them, the designs for those two I used in these edits were made by @/erraday_ on twt, with a few minor changes, but Peng's design is my own :) )

- He/Him

- Pansexual

- Snores so loud, it's insane, Yellowtusk once thought there was an earthquake

- Feels bad whenever he's steps on a ladybug, butterfly etc

- Gives everyone and everything giant bear hugs because he thinks if Yellowtusk can take it, so can everyone else (They cannot)

- Mei once gave him catnip as a joke and he went fucking feral, he's not allowed near catnip anymore

- His hair/fur is actually very soft and curly

- Thought he saw an old friend while out in public and hugged them, it was a stranger

- Wakes up Yellowtusk in the middle of the night to ask stupid questions

- The Brotherhood asked to hear his roar but he got really nervous last second and it ended up being really meek, they never let him forget it

- Coughed up a hairball once and Peng refuses to let him live it down

- Has eaten cat food before and would do it again

- Cannot do the splits and is too scared to try

- Gets really confused by modern slang, MK and Mei abuse the hell out of it because it's funny

- Whenever he's rough housing with people he accidentally hits a bit too hard

- Whenever he walks past anyone playing a game that involves a ball (football, basketball, netball, etc) he somehow always ends up getting hit in the head with it

- If he wasn't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid he wouldn't know what the fuck to do and would be really awkward cause he doesn't know how to interact with children, he'd be able to bond with Redson better when he becomes a teenager though

- No one gossips with him because he always ends up unintentionally outing someone about something

- Ate moldy food once by accident and freaked out, he was absolutely disgusted

- Hates horror movies but loves slashers

- Drinks mouthwash

- Smells like catnip (trust me guys)

- Love language is words of affirmation

- Has horrible bed head, his mane gets tangled really easily and he tosses around a lot at night so his mane takes hours to brush out

- Absolutely refuses to wear shoes, they hurt his feet (paws?)

- The type of person to cry over a movie about a dog getting lost and then finding its owner at the end

- Can somehow eat an entire goddamn buffet and not gain a single pound

- His face always scrunches up when he smiles

- Lost his balance on a hill and fell down like a tumbleweed once, Peng still brings it up

- They/He (Canon, Peng uses They/Them in the show but is exclusively referred to w/ He/Him in the sets)

- Nonbinary (Canon)

- Starts squaking when he laughs too much

- If you throw a blanket over their head he'll immediately fall asleep

- "look behind you but don't make it obvious" Looks behind him in the most exaggerated, obvious way known to mankind

- Stole food from Wukong's private stash for several months when the Brotherhood was all still together, Wukong still doesn't know

- Wukong gave them cooked chicken once as a joke but he actually liked it

- Constantly argues with Wukong about Macaque not being able to hold his own, yes it got physical

- Their wings have a bunch of scars from the amount of weapons and shit they block with them. Has to consistently clean their wings in order to keep them from getting too damaged, yes this includes softening and preening his feathers

- If they weren't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid they would tape him to the wall like that one meme and call it a day

- Bit off a person's finger once just to see if they could

- Doesn't shop, just steals

- "I hate you so fucking much" as he's handing the person a gift

-  Tried to draw on Wukong's face once but got wacked with his tail

- Absolutely HATES beetroot, will actually gag if he smells it

- Kicks over kids sand castles at the beach

- Can't stand small buzzing sounds

- "I'm not that competitive" is that competitive

- Claims you can trust them with anything but will snitch the second they know it will benefit them

- Probably threatened to eat someone's baby once

- Goes to playgrounds to trip kids

- Smells like Lavender, it just feels right

- Love language is words of affirmation and acts of service

- Has tried sleeping upside down like a bat multiple times

- Hardcore wine aunt vibes

- Had a bunch of ducklings accidently imprinted to him and they followed Peng for hours

- You'd have to pin this bird down to get them to eat collyflower

- Jokingly pushed Azure off a cliff once then remembered they're the only member of the Camel Ridge Trio that can fly

- They have full on concerts at like 3 am, has woken up Azure on multiple occasions

- He/Him

- AroAce

- Is the calmest one in the Brotherhood

- He uses Peng's head as an armrest sometimes

- He and DBK were actually quite close, he knew and accepted that DBK was in love with a celestial but was very surprised to see they ended up having a child

- Very poor eyesight but doesn't like wearing his glasses because Peng made a joke about them once saying he looked like a grandma

- Uses ":3" and ":D"

- Loves soap opera's

- Hates seafood

- Peng once tricked him into eating fish nuggets once and he still hasn't fully forgiven them

- If he wasn't sealed away and got a chance to babysit Redson as a kid he would definitely be the most responsible one, and probably Redson's favourite uncle

- Eats a snack then forgets he ate it and will bet frustrated when he can't find it

- The therapist of the Camel Ridge Trio, and probably of the whole Brotherhood in the past as well

- Was the only one who felt bad about imprisoning the Demon Bull Family since he and DBK were very close

- He also reprimanded Peng for when they pinned and scratched Redson with their claws after they left the Demon Bull Palace (he's the protective uncle, trust me guys)

- Hates getting hiccups, he despises the feeling and it gives him heartburn

- Wakes up at ungodly hours just to raid the fridge

- Heard a story about a bug crawling in someone's ear while they slept and has worn earplugs to bed ever since

- Loves apples

- Smells like Lilies

- Love language is gift giving

- Is really big on safety, would be the type of person to make sure everyone is wearing their seat belts before the car is even turned on

- Actually really good at cooking

- Makes the best chocolate chip pancakes ever

- Is the kind of person who assumes everyone tells eachother everything and accidently exposes someone because he thought everyone else knew about it already

- Always hears things wrong but doesn't wanna ask anyone to repeat themselves

- Has the most elegant ass handwriting you will ever see, somehow

- The peacemaker of the Brotherhood,  they all would've disbanded way sooner if it wasn't for him

- Uses his trunk as a snorkle when swimming or sleeping underwater (elephants actually do this irl, I just thought it was cute)

[birdbrainedboy]

I’m obsessed with this show and fear a hyperfixation anyways here are my thoughts on every character in the show

Edwin Paine: forever my favorite, even back before the show when I read the comics! I think it’s funny that basically every man in the show wants him? I’m intrigued by his character arc throughout the story regarding his sexuality as despite dying in 1916, he seems to have had time to slowly become more accepting of gay people (I’m guessing in part due to Charles, who is pansexual), to the point where there’s only mild internalized homophobia if at all, which just exhibits itself in him denying any possible feelings for Monty. I love how face-value and logical he is while still being a sweetheart

Charles Rowland: he has a pan flag pin on his jacket which confuses me bc can ghosts only wear clothes they would’ve worn when they were alive, or how do ghost clothes work? Because he died in 1989 and I’m near positive he didn’t wear that pin back there. Anyways I do love him but I wonder about some design choices, like the one earring (not sure why it just kinda annoys me). That was more a rant abt his design than his character, which I have nothing notable to say abt since I LOVE HIM he’s so real

Crystal Palace: sometimes she was a bit annoying the way she was trying way too hard to pry into everyone’s lives, but honestly that was just momentary annoyance since nothing could make me hate her. I love how her past was slowly revealed (as someone who already knew it from the comics) and how she came to terms with the person she used to be vs the person she is now. She’s so cool!

David the demon: honestly kind of caught me off guard at first bc the person I’m dating is named David but I actually enjoyed his character. LOVED when Crystal dealt with him in the end. He was very interesting

Niko Sasaki: I love Niko, but I have some problems with her character. First of all, I feel like ditsy anime-loving cutesy Asian girl with dyed hair is a weirdly common trope? But whatever my main issue is that it feels like characters who normalize the fetishization of gay men are so common. Like if Niko had been a guy obsessed with lesbian manga evb would be weirded out, so why is it different? If we ignore all of this tho I absolutely adore her and I’m actually praying she’s in the next season bc she was one of my favorites (esp her relationship w Edwin)

Jenny: She is so hot and cool and funny I’m in love with her

Esther: oh my god words cannot come close to describing how much I love her character. She felt powerless and weak in the past and now she’s become obsessed with making sure nobody has that power over her ever again. She was so fun and I loved her attitude! I’m sure she won’t show up next season, as she was the main antagonist of s1, and while I love her, I kind of hope she doesn’t since I think her arc was finished.

Monty: His personality was like 2020 “soft boy” who acts nice and dumb but is lowkey a manipulator. So obviously this kind of made me like ☠️ bc why is he acting like that… but I still love him to bits because he’s just a crow guys he didn’t ask to be human,, Anyways yeah his personality annoys me but also I love him so much so? It’s confusing. ITS COMPLICATED. I will cry if he’s not in s2

Kingham and Litty: I honestly thought they were annoying but I can’t lie they were so fucking funny. Every time they were on screen I laughed.

Cat King: oh my god. He is so camp. I love him. There’s honestly not much to say he is simply iconic. Love how he’s afraid to be alone so chases after other people, he’s so real AGHH I love him

Night Nurse: Ruth Connell the woman you are… 😍 she reminds me of Muriel from Good Omens, in a way, and I love her! I really hope we get to see more of her in relation to the guy in the fish, and see her get to better understand human emotions and why they choose to cling onto the human world rather than pass on!

[kingschclar]

Someone said Sub König?

I’ve been hoarding these headcanons like a dragon:

-Suuuuper shy at first, blushing, and stuttering at the mere idea of anything smutty, but once he feels comfortable he shows off his filthier side.

-König is extremely vocal. If you need to keep quiet, gag him. Favorite gag is your hand. Either cover his mouth or stuff your fingers in his mouth

-He loves mental bondage. Tell him not to move, tell him to keep his arms up, tell him to keep his legs spread, he’ll do it. He’s super obedient. Just the idea of him struggling to keep still while looking at you with pleading eyes, begging for release, is making me melt. He also loves it when you pin him down, straddle his hips, hold his hands down.

-Doesn’t like showing off his own love marks due to his shyness but he absolutely adores it when you compliment them. Like telling him how beautiful the dark hickies look against his skin.

-Loves overstimulation. Leave him a crying, sweaty, begging mess. He loves it when you grab his face and make him look at you while you make him cum again and again.

-But let’s not forget aftercare. During aftercare he’s basically boneless, he’s got the love-drunk look, and constantly looking to you for approval. Tell him how good he did, tell him how gorgeous he is, especially when he’s drenched in sweat and cum.

Sorry if this was too rambly. I just love König and have many thoughts about him. Let me know if you want more, I’ve got a lot

-Lunar Anon

ANON I AM IN LOVE WITH YOU. PLEASE GIVE ME MORE I WILL KISS YOU SO HARD.

i can totally see him being anxious about getting intimate w someone he loves! i do think he’s had some experience before but they didn’t really mean anything to him, and you’re his first lover. i think he tries to muffle his noises quite a bit at first but eventually can’t control himself and starts letting all his pretty sounds out <33

i think he enjoys it when you leave marks on him a lot, actually. he likes knowing that his body was littered with hickies even though they’re covered up by his gear. it’s something with how everyone around him had no idea what you do to him and how much of a slut he was for you.

he’s definitely a sucker for physical contact, during both sex and aftercare!! he loves it when you hold him in his arms, it makes him feel so secure for such a huge man.. <33

i cannot get ENOUGH of him

[respectthepetty]

Well well well well!

I have seen you being asked about your fav TW BL dramas. but I’m here to ask about…… your top 10 (or however many you want tbh) BL thai dramas!

Teeheeheeee!!

Ps: can someone else pop up and then ask you too Korean BL dramas? *wink*

Anon, I think YOU will have to come back and ask about my top Korean dramas because after people see this list, they will realize how trashy I truly am and never seek a response from me again. I've already written about my Top GMMTV Actors, my Top GMMTV Pairs, and my Top Five Taiwanese BLs, but this requested list will really show people that I am a dumpster fire, so let me present my

Top Ten Thai BLs

Before I start, I need to list my personal preferences since I have watched over 150 Thai BLs (if not 200), with a third coming from within the past year and a half alone. A show must meet at least two:

Don't bury the gay (MANDATORY!)

Be gay. Do crime! aka "Eff the police" (literally or figuratively)

I'm a messy bi, and I'll cry if I want to

Adulting is hard like my sexual attraction for you

Vice Vers(a) - Flipping the norms and changing dynamics

Next, I need to establish some ground rules:

The series must have completed prior to June 1, so Step by Step, Be My Favorite, La Pluie and other running shows cannot be considered.

It had to be marketed as a BL, so 3 Will Be Free, The Warp Effect, and Great Men Academy cannot be considered.

I could only pick a pair once, so most of GMMTV shows couldn't be considered if I picked another show the pair was featured in.

It couldn't have hurt my queer feelings, so My Only 12%, Until We Meet Again, I Told Sunset about You, and 180 Degree Longitude Passes through Us were cut for rubbing salt in real-world wounds.

A third of the final list had to be BL shows that aired prior to 2022.

Narrowing it down with those two filters, here are a dozen shows that didn't make the cut with a brief reasoning:

The Eclipse - pair already picked

Triage - the gay died each time the clock reset

Ghost Host, Ghost House - not within my personal preferences

Never Let Me Go - aired in 2022. Sorry Jojo!

My School President - pair already picked

Secret Crush on You - aired in 2022

Bad Buddy - it knows what it did to me

Together with Me - pair already picked

Lovely Writer - not within my personal preferences

A Tale of Thousand Stars - pair already picked

Between Us - it knows what it did to me

My Ride - not within my personal preferences

One more thing before I give you the list -

Honorable Mentions

To Sir, With Love

I was raised on soap operas and telenovelas, so this lakorn was seventeen episodes of blissful drama, yet served one of the best pairings and family members of 2022. It was also a historical drama, so the ending being happy was unexpected, but much appreciated.

Destiny Seeker

All the shows on my list have color coding, but this show wins every color-coding award I can give. As a self-proclaimed color demon, this show fed my soul and my heart with its color exchange between two great characters who were just trying to unify the Pretty Boys and the Jocks in a tale as old as time, yet more colorful than ever.

Now, the actual list

Top Ten Thai BLs

#10 - Dark Blue Kiss

Pete and Kao went from a bit toxic in This Kiss series, to a solid couple trying to navigate the difficult situation of having one person in a relationship still in the closet. The reason was realistic as well - career. Kao coming out could have not only hurt his future, but his mother's job as well, and the socioeconomic difference between Pete and Kao was front and center during these discussions. Mix all of that with the addition of Sun and Mork and their dynamic of light enemies to lovers, and this ended up being a surprise favorite. It also had beautiful cinematography at a period when the production value of BLs was being elevated which is greatly due to director/screenwriter Aof and cinematographer Rath.

#9 - Big Dragon

If someone would have told me during the first episode that I would like love this show as much as I did by the end, I would not have believed it, but here I am, in love with this show. It started off with two idiots being at their peak toxic level, yet ended with the softest men in love. The cinematography was beautiful, Mangkorn and Yai had a natural chemistry when teasing each other, and the music was good, so good that I actually listened to the lead sing his love confession…twice! Mos and ISBANKY made me excited to see what else Star Hunter has in store, and that was a door I had closed long ago. Big Dragon 2 when?

#8 - Bed Friend

Much like Big Dragon, I showed up for a raunchy series about fuck buddies, but ended up witnessing two men work through trauma and showed that with support, healing is possible. King was the biggest green flag that has ever graced my screen, and the way Net's big brown eyes portray lust, love, and devotion is a skill that only matches James' embodiment of a sex kitten. I watched them in Catch Me Baby, but Bed Friend brought an entire new level of chemistry from them that balanced the heavier aspects of the show in a way that any other pair would have squandered. Because of NetJames, this show will remain in my tops for years to come, and makes me even more excited for Love Upon a Time.

#7 - You're My Sky

We, collectively, did this show dirty. As BL fans, we did not appreciate it enough, and still don't. Because it came out in 2022, a year stacked with excellent BLs, it was pushed to the sidelines when it should have been at everyone's top for any number of reasons like the pairings were solid (childhood friends, senior/freshman, pseudo-enemies to lovers), the plot was consistent, and the cinematography was beautiful. We have a few sports-related BLs which do a great job of discussing the connection between toxic masculinity and male-dominated sports, and although this series didn't lean all the way in, it gave us a glimpse of what men must sacrifice in order to be considered the best in such an environment, especially when it comes to love.

#6 - Not Me

Every character is shippable with every other character. That is the power of this series. Yet, because I’m petty, I’m still holding a grudge not about GramBlack (Eugene/Gene, really?!) BUT that ToddBlack did not happen! In a show that was queer in several aspects (marriage equality, society’s disapproval, found family, etc.), it was strange that it didn’t deliver on the Black front examining how power dynamics, socioeconomic inequality in regards to privilege, and performance of masculinity affect queer experiences (all possessed by the ToddBlack pairing), but what it did deliver was a great premise about fighting back against oppression (labor discrimination, educational gaps, monopolies), which is why even though the ending was shaky, it still deserves a top spot for existing.

#5 - KinnPorsche

As much as I wrote about this show, I’m shocked it isn’t #1, but sitting through the final episode’s credits believing what I believed about Vegas left me feeling a certain type of way that I’m still not over. It had all the elements I love: Be gay, do crime, messy tears, vice vers(a), and the cinematography was perfection. Symbolism and foreshadowing were intertwined into every scene, so watching each episode was an experience and the aftermath was devouring hours of meta analysis. This was the first series I was excited to watch live unmuted and at normal speed, and I liked each pairing, plus rooted for others who were never going to happen (Big & Chan, Khun & everyone), which made this a fun journey even after the final credits finished (World Tour, anyone?!).

#4 - Love Mechanics

I LOVE MESS, and this show gave me ten glorious messy episodes of the messiest mess. Much like the chokeholds VeeMark excelled out, this show had me by the throat (implication intended). I was shocked when it was announced En of Love: Love Mechanics would be remade and extended from four episodes into ten. I liked the original, but the basic plot (drunkenly having sex right at the beginning – how very Together with Me of them) did not sit well with me the first time around, yet once I saw the remake’s trailer, I WAS SOLD! Look at the angst! Look at the pining! Look at the chemistry! Look at the same steps and dorm from Together with Me! I could write forever about this show because it is better than the original, it was so similar to Together with Me that I had to squint to make sure it wasn’t, and the happy ending with Mark’s tears, although never doubted, feels like a personal win, which is why it was my number one of 2022.

#3 - Manner of Death

MaxTul own me. Every couple I watch gets compared to MaxTul and the chemistry they bring. Together With Me is a favorite, but when Manner of Death aired, it spotlighted the evolution of MaxTul in the most beautiful way imaginable. The dark plot of drug and sex trafficking was difficult for most, but both of these characters' commitment to finding the truth in their own way while taking on the ACAB attitude even towards the one police officer they did like was a buffet that just kept serving me. I was truly worried because of the nature of the show that a happy ending wouldn't be possible, but not only did the show end with vows being exchanged, but the promise of another season as well. TRANSPLANT WHEN?!

#2 - Moonlight Chicken

This was an adult show and toes the line of being truly queer media rather than a standard BL. I felt seen every time Jim sat silently examining his life and his choices. His hesitation to open his heart again to another person after being hurt in such a realistically queer way in a country that doesn't have marriage equality almost made me cut this show due to hurting my queer feelings. However, if I was willing to give up three pairs (FirstKhao -The Eclipse, GeminiFourth - My School President, and EarthMix - A Tale of Thousand Stars) for this one show, I knew it had to included. Aof working around the grief of losing a parent while examining gentrification and generational trauma all through a queer lens is a feat most would fail at, but this show shines, literally and figuratively thanks once again to cinematographer Rath.

#1 - He's Coming to Me

I must end where I began - Aof, the director and screenwriter, changed the Thai BL game with this one, and hasn't slowed down since, which is why two of his other pieces are in my top ten, and several others are featured in my short list. Cinematographer Rath has also made his mark on this list, and it all started with this one for me. No other BL series has stuck with me the way He's Coming to Me has. Not one element of this show doesn't work. It's cohesive. It's emotional. It's everything to me. I cannot give this show enough praise. It created a unique magic in eight episodes that hasn't left my heart for four years.

And probably never will.

Now, who wants to ask about Korea?

[jazztag]

A Cure for Solitude VIII

The first instinct that W has upon waking up is to cry. And so he does, sobbing and whimpering, covering his mouth as if trying to prevent his head from falling off his body. At least, he feels there is a possibility that it could happen, always feeling so frail and trembling inside his own skin.

When he finally stops and gets a hold of his surroundings, slowly his rotten brain processes what has occurred. He snuggles under the thick blankets and looks at his arm. He caresses the skin, but no pain radiates from there, as it usually happens when M sticks something in him.

The Medic gets up from the chair and approaches him. There’s something weird in his eyes, but thinking too much about what that might mean hurts W’s brain, so the creature terminates that train of thought. Instead, he tries to remember.

And suddenly he remembers the pain. He remembers how everything burned up inside him and how he wanted it to end. How he wanted to die so, so bad.

W, still covered in layers and layers of blankets, looks up at M, and before the Medic can say anything, the creature starts to cry again.

“You…”

M looks at him weirdly, sitting by the edge of the bed.

“You promised to… To end… To k- ki-”

W starts grabbing hard at his hair. His brain starts to hurt a lot, thinking about the pain, and the fact he’s still here, able to feel it, and incapable of escaping, incapable of sleeping, incapable of just- stop existing. M looks at the panicked zombie and decides to try and do something, or his newly subject would end up tearing his own eyes out.

“Hey. Hey, W. Stop.” He grabs both creature’s hands and pulls them towards his own chest. W feels M’s body warmth and gets a little distracted by the human’s pulse in his big human hands. The zombie finally stops breathing, and the Medic takes that as a sign he has stopped hyperventilating. Oxygen doesn’t seem to help the zombie at all.

“I couldn’t kill you because… You…” tries to explain the Medic, trying to find the words. “You basically cannot die.”

W looks him in the eye, without comprehending.

“Trust me, when I first started experimenting with… your kind… The first thing I did was find ways to kill the… undead. But it can’t be helped. I monitored a brain after being detached from the body. It still sends pulses through the nerves.”

W opens his mouth slightly. His eyes seem to follow and understand M’s words, and that’s saying a lot.

“Then I started cutting the brain into more little pieces, bit by bit, trying to find the core, trying to find exactly what makes you, well… you. But even in each littlest bit, there was always something alive, even if that cannot be possible. At all.”

W whines a little, trying to get free from M’s grip, but the human doesn’t need to apply much force to make W stay with him.

“I don’t know how to actually kill the nervous system in you. Do you know what that would mean? Being able to exist, somehow, but not being able to see, hear, feel anything? A vast nothingness. That’s what being immortal is. Existing in the nothingness. Do you want that? Do you really want to be nothing in complete solitude?”

W stops struggling and looks away. He opens his mouth again, but not a sound can be heard. M looks at him, something resembling pity in his eyes, frees W’s hands, and pulls up the pillow behind the creature so he can sit up. W does so and hugs his legs as usual, looking sad and hurt.

“S-solitude…” says softly W. “But you… y-you a-are he-ere.”

M shrugs, frantically searching for a more pleasing topic of conversation. “Don’t get attached, don’t get attached…” The Medic gets up from the bed and starts pacing around the room. W tries to keep up with him, but in doing so, his eyes get tired, so he looks instead at the wall, full of scribblings and notes.

“Anyway, did you sleep well?” suddenly says M, sitting at his desk and starting to write something on his computer. W blinks a couple of times. M turns to the creature.

“D-did I…I?”

The Medic laughs a little. W is so unapologetically unaware of his own being, it’s almost funny sometimes.

“I practically induced you into a coma, so you can call that “sleeping”, I guess. A human would have died with that dose, but you were knocked out for a couple of hours.” W nods, not really getting it, but agreeing nonetheless. “Did you have a dream?”

W shrugs and scoops closer to the edge of the bed, letting his feet fall down to the floor. He has no shoes, notices, and starts searching for them around the room with his gaze.

“Being unconscious lets you regulate and disable almost all of your functions, so that’s probably why it doesn’t hurt anymore. You got rested, basically.”

W finds his shoes neatly put next to another pair, right by a door. He starts examining the space and gets up. He finds himself in a small apartment. Actually, by the looks of it, it resembles a reconverted office, with a bed, sofas, and even a fridge.

“Will y-you” starts asking W, deep in thought. “Be a-… a-able to-o?”

M waits patiently for him to end his phrase, like he always does when talking to the zombie, like one does when talking to a child, or even a drunk friend. But W grows quiet.

“Able to what?” asks him the Medic.

“A-able t-to c-cure my s-solitude.”

M grows silent. The creature walks towards the human, looking at him with something resembling faith, pulling both his hands together, as if praying.

“Kill m-me? Sto-op-p the s-solitude.”

M turns back to his computer, massaging his temples.

“That’s what I’ve been working for, these past two years,” mumbles the Medic to himself. W’s attention span seems to change again towards something on the other side of the room, so the zombie leaves the conversation and starts walking towards what appears to be a pile of old electronic parts. M observes the creature again, deep in thought, and he concludes:

“You will be the cure. You have to.”

Taglist: @whump-blog @cupcakes-and-pain (comment to get added/removed from the list!)

[daedalusdavinci]

MY Davekat Fic Recs

i read everythign in the davekat tag a couple years back. yeah. everything. the whole bitch. it was a couple of years ago, so that might date this post, but heres a bunch of fics that i thought were so good i put a little note on them in my bookmarks about how hard they went

>Dave: survive three years on this rock

by MadSeason

Growing up on a flying meteor is hard work. You know this from experience. TG: dude what is this piece of shit you just sent me CG: TO PUT IT IN YOUR HUMAN TERMS: CG: IT’S A FUCKING LOVE STORY, DAVE. Well, it's a bit more than that.

this is a meteor fic, and youve read any davekat fics, thats a summary in of itself. however, from what i remember, this particular meteor fic goes really hard bc it does such a good job of building dave and karkats relationships with the other meteor residents and it leans hard into dave and roses friendship which is so important to me, bc guys they are BEST friends and theyre just so ; ; its just important ok. also according to the note i left for myself on this fic it made me cry a lot so thats always good

catch me, keep me

by CurlicueCal (@curlicuecal on tumblr)

Dave drops by the twinkle vermin class transport-ship Calliope to visit Captain Crocker and her crew. He engages Jake for some repair work, bugs his brothers of the corporeal and non-corporeal varieties, and stops in to harass chat with Karkat. Absolutely no flirting ensues.

frankly everything curlicuecal writes goes hard as fuck, so write that one down. read everything. they never miss. they are SO good at handling side characters and dealing w the complexities of homestuck characters, never shying away from the things that make them miserable little assholes. their fics are always so fun + funny and this is a really good one

just two guys being dudes being moirails and smooching a little

by MisPronounce_and_MisAccent

DAVE: yeah id be down DAVE: just two guys being dudes being moirails and smooching a little im not opposed DAVE: if youre cool with that A few options flit across your mind. The first is picking up the couch cushion next to you and screaming into it for a solid minute. The next is just screaming, sans-pillow. The third is, of course, throwing in the towel and flinging yourself off the meteor, because it is abundantly fucking apparent that you possess an inherent incapability to maintain any simple, good relationship without getting your feelings in a bullshit fucking twist. You decide to do none of this.

if you are like me and you really really love fics where they blur the lines between romantic and platonic and flushed and pale, this is the one. this is the fic.

Car Accident Blues

by ode

Dave Strider is good at looking fly, but he sure isn't good at not getting run over!

fuck i remember this one actually. its really short but its SO fucking funny

midnight soliloquy

by apocalypticTaco

If you had the time, you could wax poetic about every inch of him. Well, it’s past midnight. You could spare a few minutes to wax. If someone asked you what was it specifically about Karkat that you fall head over heels over, you honestly could not tell. It's everything.

its short and sweet, really cute fluffpiece. i CANNOT remember this users tumblr un anymore but they were huge in the davekat fandom for a while and they have a really good grasp on dave and karkat as characters which makes all of their davekat fics hit hard. highly recommend checking out their whole page rlly

We've Got Time

by acedavestrider (@acedavestrider on tumblr i think)

He’s very pointedly trying not to smile, trying not to give you the satisfaction of knowing you made him smile, but his eyes completely give him away. They’re far too fond to give any sort of impression other than absolutely smitten, regardless of how hard he’s trying to seem annoyed, and the way he blinks at you - quickly like he’s trying to clear his vision, like he’s trying to figure out if you’re real or if he’s imagining you - is enough to make your heart swoop in your chest.

another REALLY cute sweet one. honestly i think this is one of my favorite davekat fics ever. acedavestrider writes some of the best davekat in general and you should 100% read all of their stuff, because it ALL goes this hard. ofc anyone w a un this good is bound to have a good grasp on the characters so like what more do you even need me to say

Fait Accompli(cation)

by IntelligentAirhead (@dragonomatopoeia on tumblr, but im p sure it was cowritten w someone else? dunno theirs)

In Which a Mutant and an Alien Meander Towards a Quadrant of Indeterminate Identity at a Glacial Pace While Examining the Internalized Toxicity Perpetuated by Their Respective Societies, and The Nature of Friendship is Determined to Be More Universal Than Originally Theorized [Banned In Alternia]

this IS the best davekat fanfiction. this is the one. ive read it multiple times and its good each time. im just going to copy my notes straight from ao3 on this one, i think theyre from a second reread some time after the first

"ok this does slap. this slaps super hard. its a meteorstuck fic wherein karkat and dave both have to question toxic ideas theyve internalized from their own planets and eventually fall in love and get together. no one is delegated to rosemary therapist, all of the charas are beautiful and just as important, and the characterization is so flawless it couldve been written by hussie himself. this TOTALLY holds up, holy shit

"#literally the most beautiful piece of prose known to man"

The Eurydice Suite, v2.0

by callmearcturus (@callmearcturus on tumblr)

Dream-sharing: a highly illegal little industry in which agents delve into people's dreams, and unearth their deepest secrets and memories. Within this business, the Strider-Lalondes are known as the best there is — until Dirk Strider gets his fool-ass trapped within the confines of his own subconscious, with his Auto-Responder playing malicious prison warden. To save him, the best and brightest dreamers in the world will have to form a team. Backed by the token rich friend, lead by the surliest extractor ever bribed out of retirement, haunted by the shade of the latest, greatest agent in the biz, and on the run through a dangerous tiered dream in a hostile mind... It's going to take a miracle to pull this one off.

ive read this one so many times and honestly its still really good. the writing style is fantastic and i have spent many a year trying to capture the same beautiful atmosphere arc does. its a really creative au with really cool ideas about classpects and the characterization in this fic is awesome

Crash Standing

by Asuka Kureru (@asukaskerian on tumblr)

It's been eight days since the end of Sburb and Davesprite is not coping especially well.

ive already listed my favorite davekat fic, but THIS is my favorite homestuck fic period of all time ever the end. this is the best one. this is the ONLY one, as far as im concerned. you dont want to know how many times ive reread this fic ok. i love davesprite/karkat way more than i love dave/karkat (bc you know me w my doomed characters) and the way this author handles the interpersonal relationships between not just karkat and ds but also like ds and all of the OTHER characters is SO. GOOD. davesprite and kanayas relationship in particular lives in my brain rent free at all fucking times oh my god they are so perfect. shes so perfect. i love kanaya so much in this. oh my god and JOHN. the senor strider thing is so fucking funny sldkjfnsdf just. AUGH. its such a good fic just trust me ok just trust me

there are probably more i could recommend but its been so long since i read them im just going to stick to these bc like. man. i do NOT remember some of the bookmarks ive got in there anymore. ask me again when i finally snap and reread homestuck

[victimized-martyr]

Did you ever mention how you got into kyman? Personally speaking, I got into it (again) around 2020 when I rewatched sp, and I basically fell down the rabbit hole. I’ve been into it on and off since then.

I probably did somewhere, but I'll say it again!

I wanted to see what SP was all about so I decided to just watch the most recent episode/special at the time-- post covid. But I realized, it was a story that wasn't forgiving for newcomers, and I had NO idea who was who. I have vivid memories of being weirded out by the redhead guy being upset about the rabbi dude's wife and kids. Then when he said "did you know that he once snuck into my room and gave me fucking aids?!" I GASPED bc one, it was super out of nowhere, super crude, and two, I falsely assumed like, OHHHHH they're gay exes... that explains this weird behavior. I'm sorry what else was my dumb ass supposed to assume! And I watched the rest of the special viewing them in that context hgkd But when I started to properly watch the show from the beginning/ hop between episodes, I felt embarrassed for myself, I was like HOW on earth could I have made that false assumption. I was actually grossed out by the thought of kyman at the start! I knew that Cartman was obsessed with Kyle, and that they did care for each other as friends, but I couldn't fathom Cartman's obsession being anything genuine or Kyle reciprocating. I even made a post abt it on my main as I was watching the show, it might still be in there somewhere lol. I was happy just watching the show as is and I was like, dang! This might be the first thing I get into without shipping anyone! Then, my buddy @shpadoinkle-day texted me what was practically the kyman manifesto and urged me to "wait till seasons 20/21, it'll change everything"

at the same time, an irl buddy watched THAT moment in Manbearpig w/ me for the first time and went "that's... kinda fruity" and I was also like?? yeah?? damn... Then I saw seasons 20/21 and it opened up my eyes. I think it was the only seasons I was so enthralled with to completely binge in one night ghfksd and I. was. floored. Kyle crying over cartman? during a montage of couples breaking up? Kyle being speechless when he saw cartman get a gf? Kyle questioning if he liked heidi, Kyle's stupid ass "we're all going out with Cartman right now", how he inserted himself in the relationship so hard, yet when taking heidi from cartman, talks as if he wasn't doing it for Heidi. His frustration at Heiman was at the very top in list of justification at bombing a country (yes, Kyle says he's upset a girl he liked turned into cartman... but there's layers in that statement, esp. compared to kyle's actions). Kyle memorizing the day they got together, confronting Heidi and asking how Cartman is doing as a boyfriend, what specifically she finds about him that's redeemable (and we all know how Kyle is about finding the good in people), batshit insane things a normal person (like stan) wouldn't ask his friend's girlfriend. And then of course, Kyle dropping all that effort when they break up. Insanity. I realized the obsession was mutual, and rewatching the show in that context completely rerouted my watching experience with the show. It kinda made it funnier for me too lolol. I started picking up on all the evidence I saw shippers point at, and I got what they meant fr. Kyle and Cartman are assholes and poke at each other's insecurities, have hurt each other, yet will not let the other die, Kyle is usually the first one to call for cartman if something happens to him, he saves him when he doesn't deserve it, and Cartman, as stated by Stan, cannot live without him. And it's subtly shown he wouldn't keep kyle just to rag on, bc if that were the case, he would not hesitate to hold it over Kyle's head. Their feelings for each other are very complex, and--if you really pay attention to the show--mutual.

[insomniacwriter17]

How would little Billy react if he couldn’t find his favorite comfort item?

i cannot stress this enough, the reaction is so bad

now, it’s not immediately bad

billy misplaces stuff a lot

he’ll leave his pacifier by his lunch plate or tank on the couch when he goes outside to play

but it usually doesn’t take but a few moments for him to track it down, it’s usually in the second or third place he looks for it

but the day that tank got lost, billy went ballistic 

they’d been to the park with robin and eddie (and nancy and wayne), and billy was barely awake as they packed up to head home

too tired to worry about carrying anything, billy shoved tank into what he thought was stevie’s bag

but it was actually robin’s bag, and bllly was too sleepy to realize it 

and stevie had been so focused on getting a sleep-clumsy billy into the car and then later into the house that he didn’t notice the sidekick missing

it wasn’t until billy stumbled downstairs about an hour and a half later, teary-eyed and clutching shelby the seahorse that steve realized something was awry

“aw, buddy, what’s the matter?” stevie frowned, immediately moving to snuggle the distraught boy

then billy whimpered the two worst words stevie could’ve thought be strung together. “w-where’s tank?”

“what do you mean, where’s tank?” 

“h-he’s in the b-backpack.”

“are you sure we didn’t put him in bed with you? i unpacked the backpack already and he wasn’t there.”

billy’s eyes fill with tears and steve is immediately entering panic mode now “ok alright, billy, don’t worry! maybe we left him in the car. i’ll go check.”

but tank is not in the car and billy is hysterical

stevie can’t do anything to stop the breakdown, and billy is curled up on the edge of the couch sobbing so hard he’s making himself cough and steve is actually concerned that billy’s going to make himself throw up

steve is looking everywhere for tank, and billy feels like he can’t breathe

tank is his best friend! how could he lose tank?! 

the phone rings. steve ignores it because he is dealing with a bigger crisis than whatever awaits him on the other end of the line. 

but it rings again and again as billy continues to cry. the boy’s face is red, streaked with tears and snot as he continues to break down. 

“buddy, are you sure you put him in the bag?” steve asks. “did you leave him at the park?” 

“n-no!” billy wails louder, though now he’s panicking. what if he did leave tank at the park? did he leave him on the slide? did he drop him at the monkey bars? “w-we have t-to go b-back!” 

billy clutches shelby closer to his chest but its not the same! in a moment of frustration, he throws the stuffed seahorse across the living room, and steve pauses. 

“billy, i need you to think real hard. are you sure tank ended up in the backpack?” he asks again. billy nodded, wiping his nose with the hem of his tshirt as he lets out a pitiful whimper. 

the phone is still ringing and steve needs just a second to think. “hang on, buddy. we’re going to figure this out,” steve promised. he steps into the kitchen and answers the phone. 

“what? who is it?” he snaps, unable to muster up any kind of manners. whoever this was had tested steve’s patience too many times by calling. 

“oh, well, i think i might be able to solve your problem,” nancy wheeler’s voice floats through the phone. “you missing a team player?” 

immediately, steve lets out a relieved sigh. “you have tank?” he confirmed. 

“he was in robin’s bag. i didn’t realize it until just now,” nancy replied. “she’s asleep now but i can bring him by later.”

steve feels his heartbeat returning to normal, though he can still hear billy crying in the other room. “any chance we can come get him? billy is beside himself.”

“understood,” nancy’s voice was sweet. “he’ll be waiting on the front porch.”

steve wastes no time, hanging up the phone without so much as a goodbye before he’s hurrying back into the living room.

“billy, bud, great news! tank is safe and sound at nancy’s house!” stevie reported, and billy pauses mid-cry, his eyes widening.

“r-really?” the boy whimpered, jumping up. “w-we have to g-go!” 

“yes, we’re going right now. robin and nancy have been taking good care of him though,” steve promises as he ushers billy out the front door.

the tears don’t truly stop until steve is pulling up to the wheeler’s house, and as promised, tank is sitting on the wheeler’s patio table. 

steve feels the tension leave his shoulders as he throws the car into park and jumps out. “i’ll get him, bud, you stay there,” steve insisted. 

billy had caught sight of his stuffie as they pulled into the driveway, and he sat, frozen as he watched stevie pick tank up and bring him back to the car.

immediately, billy takes the comfort item and hugs the stuffed turtle to his chest, quietly whimpering as he snuggled tank. 

“it’s okay,” steve promises, petting at billy’s hair as he waits for the other to calm down. “you’re okay, bud, and so is tank.” 

billy is still sniffling and whimpering when they pull back into the harrington driveway, but stevie is quick to snuggle billy close once they get inside.

they sit on the couch for the rest of the afternoon, billy unwilling to put tank down for anything. stevie practically feeds billy dinner so that billy can hug tank tightly in his arms. 

so stevie implements a roll-call whenever they get ready to leave from somewhere when billy’s dropped. 

it adds a few minutes to their day, but it saves steve some worry and it makes billy giggle. “aaaalright, is billy here?” “h-here!” “what about tank?” “mmhmm.” “blankie?” billy nods and holds up the small green comfort item. “pacifier?” “y-yup!” “great! everyone’s here! to the stevie-mobile!”

and steve finds himself double-checking to make sure everything stays either in billy’s hands, steve’s hands, or steve puts it in the backpack, because this was not an experience steve wishes to repeat. 

[star-girl69]

I honestly felt so bad for Lana, she totally got snubbed

and ik Taylor was trynna be nice and bring her onstage but she just looked so uncomfortable and I’m sure she was so dissapointed:/

i know. i just woke up and saw the pictures i’m genuinely heartbroken for her. midnights is probably one of my least fav taylor albums so i just cannot believe that it won. the only song i really like and listen to is the great war and snow on the beach lmao 😭😭😭

but again i’m not suprised

if there was any category i was SURE lana wasn’t going to win was aoty.

midnights was catchy at times and i mean taylor’s an amazing lyricist and vocalist but ocean blvd was just lana’s album. there’s not really another way i can describe it

it’s her most person album- the first time i listened to fingertips i was sobbing crying- and i mean the diversity and the entire concept of actually going through a tunnel (starting w some lighter songs hen progressively getting darker and darker until the more trap and upbeat end) was a brilliant idea and really took the listener on a true journey

not to mention, but the references she makes to past albums and songs showing her growth were some of my favorite little moments! singing the chorus of sweet the same way she sang the chorus in wait for life, singing the beginning of fingertips to the tune of bartender, the love song mention in let the light in- i felt like it brought a whole other layer of nuance to the album.

genuinely could talk about the lyrics for hours but a few honorable mentions-

it wasn’t my idea the cocktail of things that twists neurons inside // but without them i’d die - fingertips

my sister’s first born child // i’m gonna take that too with me // my grandmother’s last smile // i’m gonna take that too with me // it’s a beautiful life // remember that too for me - the grants

what’ya doin’ with your life do you think about it? // do you contemplate where we came from? // lately we’ve been making out a lot not talkin’ ‘bout the stuff that’s at the very heart of things // do you want children? // do you wanna marry me? // do you wanna run marathons in long beach by the sea // i’ve got things to do like nothing at all i wanna do them with you // do you wanna do them with me? - sweet

i was on the stairs // ella fitzgerald in the air // feelin’ hella rare // baby if you care // baby don’t you dare say // you’ll braid my hair, babe - fishtail

after the album came out for like a month literally all i couldn’t listen to was ocean blvd on shuffle lmao.

anyways, sorry for ranting, woke up to this and now i’m in a very pissed off mood. very disappointed, but this album is very hard to understand without already having an appreciation and understanding of lana, so, again- i’m not surprised.

i know the grammy’s are realistically just a popularity contest, but they are still huge achievements and i know it would feel so gratifying for her to finally have one. just so disappointed

i feel this loss so heavily with her.

[dontbotherwiththepronunciation]

Theon survey songs + links:

@feed-me-a-penny and @team-mom-wannabe In case you still want to see the songs that have been submitted until now.

I found an acoustic version of the song Worms by Lolly Jane Blue on a Theon fan mix once and then lyrics really latched onto my Throne synapses! Very ADWD chapters, I think

The Lighthouse by Halsey; What the Water Gave Me by Florence; Piledriver Waltz by Arctic Monkeys; Ship to Wreck by Florence; Stone by Jaymes Young; Let Me Drown by Orville Peck; Atlantis by Seafret; Wade in the Water by Eva Cassidy; I Don't Want to Talk About Me by Stereo Jane; Sail Away Sweet Sister by Queen; and honestly every song on Everything Ends by Materia.

SOOO many. Ooohhh boy, I hope you like long answers, because you are going to hate me if you don't (you probably already do, I cannot shut up if I'm under the guise of anonymity lol). In terms of poetry, I will forever love this quote by Jenny Holzer: "In a dream you saw a way to survive and you were full of joy". It's so Theon, and I actually have it tattooed on me lol. Social Skills training is also a great poem for Theon ([PRIVATE INFORMATION]... hits so hard for so many reasons when paralleling w Theon), here are some raw verses: "Gloria Steinem says women lose power as they age and yet the loudest voice in my head is my mother. Studies show that the mother we have in mind isn't the mother that exists. Mine says: what the fuck are you crying for? / Studies show the baby monkey will pick the fake monkey with fake fur over the furless wire monkey with milk, without contest. Studies show to negate something is to think it anyway. I'm not sad. I'm not sad. / History is a kind of study. History says we forgave the executioner. Before we mopped the blood, we asked: Lord Judge, have I executed well? Studies suggest yes. What the fuck are you crying for, officer? The wire mother teaches me to say, while studies suggest, Solmaz, have you thanked your executioner today?" Just literally everything about that poem hits me right in the Theon feels. Like, are you kidding me? Then The House That Dripped Blood by Mountain Goats is great for imagining Theon circa his Prince in Winterfell era. The lyrics are all about a house haunted by the pain trapped in there, which seems perfect for Winterfell imo. Any Florence + The Machine, but Heavy In Your Arms for painful throbb feels. Would by Alice in Chains has the right mood and great lyricism for Theon/Reek angst too! Then Everyone's Victim by Lisa Germano just has the right mood I feel for thramsay stuff, same vein as Would by Alice in Chains.

pearl diver by mitski, he doesn’t know why by the fleet foxes, cocaine and abel by amigo the devil

So many, a bunch of guns n roses songs, and dead hearts by stars

Dio Ed Io by Charles Wright, there are more but I'm all burnt out typing AHHH!!!

Cry for Judas the mountain goats "long black night/morning frost/I'm still here/ but all is lost" There is a light that never goes out The smiths. Robb and Theon vibes "to die by your side/ is such a heavenly way to die"

“archers never made good kings, fly headfirst into everything” -archers, the ballroom thieves

Almost Human (Aurelio Voltaire) for the Lucifer association

Putting the dog to sleep by the antlers!

call them brothers - regina spektor (that’s it, it’s split, it won’t recover just frame the halves and call them brothers find your fathers and your mothers if you remember who they are over and over they call us their friends can’t we find something else to pretend? like nobody won and we’re safe at the end) that’s okay - the hush sound (you were a child who was made of glass you carried a black heart passed down from your dad if somebody loved you they’d tell you by now we all turn away when you’re down you want to go back to where you felt safe to hear your brother’s laughter, see your mother’s face your childhood home is just powder-white bones and you’ll never find your way back) house of wolves - my chemical romance (well, i think i’m gonna burn in hell everybody burn the house right down and say what i want to say tell me i’m an angel / take this to my grave tell me i’m a bad man / kick me like a stray) mama - my chemical romance (well mother, what the war did to my legs and to my tongue you should have raised a baby girl i should have been a better son if you can coddle the infection they can amputate at once i should have been - i should have been a better son) JUDAS - the reverent marigold (god knew his face and held it but it still didn’t save him and i see far horizons where the lambs lie with the lions but there are poppies growing over where my friends are lying and paul had an old name, but we never use it you may call me traitor but my lover calls me judas)

i have a playlist, some accidentally theon lyrics i enjoyed is bad medicine by liz green (...) For every man wants more than he, ever did before He’s still got no way out We’ve got no way out No way out We’ve got no way out of this So if my eyes turn black and my teeth fall out and my hairs caught up in rags Don’t give me none of that medicine ‘cos I’ll spit it right back out He tried so hard to fit in but he never really got a chance Before he spoke they burnt him, cut him, roped him and finally put him in the ground He said ‘I’ve been though war, and I’ve been though law and I’ve climbed that hill so cold Yeah I’ve been though more than you’ll ever know still they never let me go And every man wants more than he, ever did before He’s still got no way out We’ve got no way out No way out We’ve got no way out of this So if my eyes turn black and my teeth fall out and my hairs caught up in rags Don’t give me none of that medicine ‘cos I’ll spit it right back out Oh yeah, I’ll spit it right Yeah I’ll spit it right Oh I’ll spit it right back out I will spit it right I will spit it right I will spit it right back out

I love Mr. Tambourine Man for Theon. Especially this line: “Then take me disappearin' through the smoke rings of my mind, Down the foggy ruins of time, far past the frozen leaves, The haunted, frightened trees, out to the windy beach, Far from the twisted reach of crazy sorrow. Yes, to dance beneath the diamond sky with one hand waving free, Silhouetted by the sea, circled by the circus sands, With all memory and fate driven deep beneath the waves, Let me forget about today until tomorrow.” I also love Hurt by Nine Inch nails- All the lyrics and the entire soundscape of that song is Theon to me. Absolutely intense and amazing. And I also love and associate A Hard Rain's A-Gonna Fall with Theon. The "seven sad forests" the "dozen dead oceans" the "newborn baby with wolves all around it." But all the imagery in that song is so cool and very appropriate for asoiaf in general .

Oh man, so so many but to name a few: 1. How Soon is Now by the Smiths ("I am the son and heir of nothing in particular" / I am human and I need to be loved just like everybody else does") 2. Sorrowing Man by City and Colour ("Sorrowing man, look how worn you've become. You once were lord of the barren sea. There's blood on your hands." / "Oh, how you have lost your way." 3. Crystal Ball by Keane ("I lost my heart, I buried it too deep, under the iron sea." / "I'm fading out, everything I know is wrong, So put me where I belong.") 4. Bravado by Lorde ("I learned not to want The quiet of the room with no one around to find me out. I want the applause the approval." 5. Hurt by Johnny Cash ("And you could have it all, my empire of dirt. I will let you down. I will make you hurt" / What have I become? My sweetest friend. Everyone I know goes away in the end."

iron by woodkid seven nation army (in a way) bones in the ocean under the water by the pretty reckless

"Oh No" by Marina & the Diamonds; "Bones" by Ms Mr; "The Ocean" by Dar Williams

i'm a marionette by ABBA starring role by marina and the diamonds asleep by the smiths i still have faith in you by ABBA judas by lady gaga california dreamin' by the mamas & the papas al andar by ABBA crucified by army of lovers i'm not coming home by the cowmen no more from into the woods oh i know by only natural waiting around to die by the be good tanyas

Smoke filled room - daughter

Gilded Lily : I remember when you told me it’s an every decision (Theon’s oath to Robb) But with my double vision, how was I supposed to see the way ? (Double vision : Greyjoy/Stark) Haven’t I given enough? Always the fool with the slowest heart (softie boi ) I know you’ll take me with you ( could refer to Robb or Ramsay as they die that they take a piece or the whole of him with) Every city’s got a graveyard (kinda makes me think of his prince of Winterfell era) Now I’m sleeping in the backyard (Well, his Reek moment ofc)

a spanish song by my fave band ever Fito y fitipaldis - Antes de que cuente diez (Before I count to ten) some verses i really like from it are: I got lost in a cross of words. They missed wrote down the address. I already engraved my name on a bullet. I've already tried the cannon fodder I already have everything under control. And someone said no, no, no, no, no That now the wind is coming from the other side Leave me the rudder And someone said no, no, no. What will take me to the end? It will be my steps, not the way. You don't see that you always go behind. When you pursue destiny And I won't feel strange again. Even if you don't get to know me And I won't love you so much again. And I won't stop loving you again I stopped flying, I sank into the mud. And between so much mud I found myself. Some warmth without your hugs Now I know that I will never come back.

I dont know many poems but sinnerman by nina simon and sorry by karine polwart and some other songs in my own language :)

honestly.. robb and theon are kinda two ghosts by harry styles if you squint

All of Radiohead tbh

Pardon this next block of text where I name random music. I have to say something about the album The Downward Spiral by NIN being huge Theon material to me (the instrumental track named after the album is so TWOW Stannis execution presumably foiled by old gods activity. also Hurt but everyone's saying that. ummm THE BECOMING.). Ptolemaea by Ethel Cain. 1906 by the West Coast Art Pop Experimental Band is so Bolton Occupation of Winterfell. Avalanche by Kyle John Kenowski. Sister Europe by The Psychedelic Furs feels TWOW Asha and Theon returning to the islands or something. Sweat by Oingo Boingo. All We Ever Wanted Was Everything by Bauhaus young Theon in Winterfell. King Rat by Modest Mouse feels either Jeyne and Theon escaping Winterfell or Theon and the invasion of Winterfell. I think I'm saying too much but I hate having things out of context, but I can't just parrot an entire playlist here: these are all ruthlessly selected from my playlist on spotify called [PRIVATE INFORMATION] (Epitaph by King Crimson inspired me to make the playlist) that has these plus more but fair warning it's under construction for my reread I've been doing this summer :^) . Um. A Plague of Lighthouse Keepers by Van Der Graaf Generator but it's 23 minutes long and all over the timeline sorrrrry I like prog rock so much. On Kyra thoughts: Please listen to To The Dogs or Whoever by Josh Ritter for Kyra and the keys thoughts.

Remy Zero - Prophecy: You walk this world like you’re a ghost / Your hands are coming through the needles / Sick of your tragic and your evils / I am the keeper of the songs of everyone / [...] / This is a coming of the times / You are a witness to the movement / If all you’re seeing is your lies / You had your chance, but now you’ve blown it / You want this world so you can own it / I am the keeper of the songs of everyone / / Look into the sun and see your soul is dying / Used to feel the faith, but now you’re tired of trying / Should have left alone what you have stolen from everyone / Mmm, how ya feelin’? Seems a little sick to me now / / From the light on high / A chance to change your fate / Forgiveness falling down / On those who chose to wait / Remember the time / Find yourself home again / Deep within your life / Find yourself home again / Find yourself home again / It’s a choice / You have chosen your own T.S. Eliot - The Love Song of J. Alfred Prufrock: And I have known the eyes already, known them all— / The eyes that fix you in a formulated phrase, / And when I am formulated, sprawling on a pin, / When I am pinned and wriggling on the wall, / Then how should I begin / To spit out all the butt-ends of my days and ways? / And how should I presume? / [...] I should have been a pair of ragged claws / Scuttling across the floors of silent seas. [...] I shall wear white flannel trousers, and walk upon the beach. / I have heard the mermaids singing, each to each. / I do not think that they will sing to me. / I have seen them riding seaward on the waves / Combing the white hair of the waves blown back / When the wind blows the water white and black. / We have lingered in the chambers of the sea / By sea-girls wreathed with seaweed red and brown / Till human voices wake us, and we drown.

Century Eyes by Shearwater (You are not the last of this house / Nor the first to go over the side / Remember the wrecks of those elegant ships / “Turn it off! Turn it off!” / Look with century eyes till they make you go blind) Two Evils by Bastille (I’m the lesser of two evils / Or am I, am I tricking myself nice? / If I’m a lesser of two evils / Who’s this man, who’s this act I hide behind?) Hurt Feelings by Flight of the Conchords (It’s my birthday, 2003 / Waitin’ for a call from my family / They forgot about me / I got hurt feelings, I got hurt feelings)

The Devil's Backbone by The Civil Wars

Lots ([PRIVATE INFORMATION I'M NOT GONNA DO MY COUNTRY DIRTY LIKE THIS] but a very tragicomical and delusional version), but I'm going to list purely English stuff for the sake of it: "Crucify your mind" by Rodriguez is my go to Theon song and I know no one knows or cares about Rodriguez and this might as well be one of those situations where this only works in my head, but fuck it: Was it a huntsman or a player That made you pay the cost That now assumes relaxed positions And prostitutes your loss? Were you tortured by your own thirst In those pleasures that you seek That made you Tom the curious That makes you James the weak? And you claim you got something going Something you call unique But I've seen your self-pity showing As the tears rolled down your cheeks […] So con-convince your mirror As you've always done before Giving substance to shadows Giving substance ever more And you assume you got something to offer Secrets shiny and new But how much of you is repetition That you didn't whisper to him too? "All these things that I've done" by The Killers has some vibes and lyrics too but god do I feel like an idiot for saying that.

[cupidsdescendant]

Mercs X Sweet Tooth G/N!

Hey yall! It’s been a while since I wrote a short head canon list for the mercs and so I decided to write this! I really have been getting into writing actual one shot stories instead of lists so that’s why my posts have been so slow  ^___^ I’m thinking about making a version of this one for the creepy pasta characters to go back to fanfic roots ;-; anyways, g’day! Mwah XOXOXO

Scout:

-Very happy

-“Oh yeah? What’s your favorite one? Really! Mine too!” He takes out your favorite candy in response 

-You both like staying up at 3 am eating random sweets

-The sugar rush hits both of you SOOOOO hard. Running across the fort, double, fuck it, triple jumping all around and screaming violently.

- You both literally laugh at almost every thing the mercs say even if it’s not funny or relevant and both laugh at each other laughing so hard. Your laughs become even wheezier when you both cannot speak and it’s both of you mumbling and laughing and your mumbling.

-Just as much as the rush gets you the crash hits harder than the market crash of 2008. Both of you are literally so tired you guys can’t even get up. Eyes sore, legs weak, body tired, everything hurts after literally sonic speeding everywhere. You both wake up holding each other or spooning <3.

-Instead of a hot steamy cup of coffee in the morning you wake Scout up by sitting on top of him and feeding him lemon heads and sour gummy bears. 

-You like to throw gummies and candies into his mouth during fights just to play around and it helps with a speed boost 

-Although Scout loves candy his favorite is of course: B o n k 

-And you both drink it religiously! At this point you both have it in an IV put up into your veins. 

-Scout and you have so much fun with candy. You both go to candy stores together and have fun picking out candies and sodas. Once you both get home you guys would eat eat eat, lose your mind and sleep for the rest of the night ^___^

Soldier: 

-He doesn’t eat a lot of sweets, but once you give him one he goes a little crazy 

-Once, you gave him a chocolate bar and he rocket jumped to space and didn’t come back for at least 3 days

-Soldier finds you alone eating a 12 pack of mini cupcakes to yourself and he gasps “Dear god!” 

-“mfwhaht-?” Y/N said mouth full of white cake and frosting. CANNIBALISM!!” He screams pointing at you in horror

-“HoW!?” Y/N yelled out, Soldier ran over and ran his hand on Y/N’s chin “My cupcake is eatin’ a cupcake!”

-He loves a good ol' fashion American Cherry pie

-Coke is his favorite drink

-He mostly enjoys milk chocolate and whoppers

-Always makes sure they're made in America

Pyro:

-you know em, Pyro is a maniac for that typa shit. Way even more than Scout

-Give them a jolly rancher and he'll spend half of the time rolling around in circles laughing and banging his head on the wall

-her brain is already filled with sunshine and rainbows but once you add candy- it's full blown candy land

-they like to make you dance a lot when he's hyper on candy! Always spinning you around and around <3

-He likes hoping around too. He acts kinda like a little bunny ;w;

-Pyro and you basically just run around setting everything on fire without a care in the world

-His favorite candy...? All of em! Lollipops and sour-sweet ones are his favorites.

-They propose to you with a ring pop

Demoman:

-he can handle some sweet things but he's not a big fan

-But when you mix a sugar rushed Y/N with a drunk Demo it's alllllllll chaos.

-You both love doing karaoke when you're out of yall's minds, screaming violently to songs or crying to sad ones

-Probably have a super duper upper crazye rap battle too

-When you both crash you find each other on the other sides of the rooms but when you both wake up you go and cuddle.

-You both try and get sober from your addictions but fail and the next weekend is the same lol

-Like I said, Demo doesn't really like candy. The only ones he'd eat is going to be mixed with alcohol or root beer ones

Heavy:

no comment. these are his favorite

Engineer:

-being from the south, he loves moon pies and other pies in general

-Engi loves maple taffy and whenever it's winter time he makes them with the mercs or just enjoys them by himself

-He loooves taffy and Rocky Road!!

-Pie is also his favorite, Pumpkin pie specifically. He always likes to eat it with a scoop of vanilla ice cream

-All of the sweet things he eats are always warm and relaxing and so you both like to cozy up together and eat together

-Engineer always has to hold you down when you get a little hyper and he has to tell you to relax

-Gets overwhelmed trying to calm you down and eventually gives up but you decided to sit next to him when you can't find him

Medic:

-always warns you about cavities and tells you not to eat so much sweets

-He usually hides the fact that he eats soo much candy.

-Considering Medic is German he eats mostly German candy and chocolates but he's afraid to admit he likes American candies a lot

-He likes to eat sour candies but his taste in things is a lot more "luxury" and so he eats mostly dark chocolate

-Def the kind of guy to say he's not eating chocolate or candy and have stains all over his clothes and mouth

-Medic's manic-ness and your hyper-ness when you're on a sugar rush is. terrifying. Both of you don't stop and you both cannot.

-Both of you go on the most crazy adventures. Once you both woke up with your limbs detached and the other time you guy's switched bodies

Sniper:

-Sniper doesn't eat sweets. periodt.

-He usually just watches you go coo coo through his rifle and chuckles to himself

-even though he doesn't eat anything sweet he think it's so cute that you love sweets so much

-He goes out his way to always buy you candy when he has the time and his favorite part is holding it while you chomp into it

-Once he saw you eating oreos and he called you cookie monster and you didn't know how to feel

-He's very neutral with everything tbh..

-You always try to convince him to eat it but he just can't do it

-So he'll eat something savory while you eat something sweet so he can interact and hang out with you

Spy:

-He loves chocolate croissants...okay sorry for the french joke lmao

-seriously though he's french! France has the most bomb fucking sweets and desserts ever

-He loves Macarons, Éclairs, Profiterole and crepes

-He also really loves to tell you the history of those desserts and loves sharing his culture with you!!! <3

-He tries to calm you down whenever you have a sugar rush and usually forces you to sit down and eat desserts while he reads to you

-Loves to wipe off the cream or frosting off your face and say some horny french bullshit

-You alwaysssss beg Spy to make French pastries and he reluctantly agrees

-You both spend hours in the kitchen making food together and flirting. It's a really cute moment.

-During breaks or lunch you both eat your pastries together <333

okay so it's been a while since I posted. Hey yall! Hope you like this one <3 stay cute! Mwah xoxoxo

[redheadspark]

I know this is kinda last minute but…

for the November requests could you please do:

All the guests accidentally bring the same side dish. & “i'm so happy we could all be together tonight.” it could be eddie x reader but with all the characters spending thanksgiving together?! I feel like it could be really fun!! 🦃🥧🍂

A/N: YAS K! This sounds perfect for Eddie :) Thanks for the request, my dear!!

Easy Does It

Summary: Maybe you should have asked the gang to tell you what your were going to bring to Thanksgiving Dinner. But leave it to Eddie to make it all better.

Warnings: Just some fluff :)

"This cannot be happening,"

"Actually, it's kind of funny if you think about it,"

"You're not helping, Munson,"

Eddie sighed and rubbed your shoulder as you were looking down at the very problem that was metering your mind for the past twenty minutes. The rest of the group was out in the living room, too afraid to come into the kitchen since they knew you were teetering on the edge with your anxiety, and they sent in your boyfriend since they knew Eddie would be the one to calm you down. He usually would be, but you were staring at the counter which had at least 5 sides dishes.

All the dishes were mash potatoes. Shit.

You wanted to throw a Thanksgiving dinner with the gang, thinking it was a great thing to do to rally together since you all saved the world from Vecna. That spring going into summer was hard for everyone in Hawkins, including Max and Eddie since they both nearly died. The smallest moment of you thinking that Eddie was going to be lost forever was something you never wanted to experience ever again, and being grateful he was in your life spurred on this new tradition you wanted to start with the entire group. So when Thanksgiving was coming around the corner, you everyone to come to your home with a side dish.

Now you are mentally kicking yourself for not being specific in which side dish to bring.

"Robin and Nancy are gonna be here in a few any who, maybe they won't bring mash potatoes?" Eddie suggested to you, seeing your shoulders getting a bit hunched as you were trying to mentally figure out what you were going to do. Everything else was nearly ready, the turkey was about to be done within ten minutes, you had some soda and sparkling cider out for the younger kids....but you were thinking of the worst scenario from seeing all of the mash potatoes in front of you.

"Baby...baby come here. Easy does it," Eddie said to you calmly, seeing that you were about to cry. He turned you to have you face him, you blinking away the tears that were about to come out. Eddie could see it on his face, how you were wanting every part of this afternoon to be perfect. You talked about it for weeks on end, telling Eddie about it when you two would snuggle in bed together at his trailer. Having your friends together to celebrate not just the holiday but surviving Vecna was something you looked forward to. Yet now, seeing you in a nice dress with your hair in gentle curls and on the verge of tears, it broke Eddie's heart.

"This is going to be okay," Eddie said to you, having you watch him as he shifted on his feet and cradled your face in his palms, "I know how hard you worked on this dinner to make it special--"

"It's not just the dinner, Eds," You said in a softer manner, looking down for a moment as you took in a long breath, "I just wanted things to go back to normal after what we went through. Maybe I just overshot with this whole thing and got too stressed out in making this perfect,"

"Perfection is overrated," Eddie reminded you as he traced your thumbs with your cheeks, "Babe, you made all of this already perfect! Dustin and those guys were beyond excited to come here and eat with us, with you,"

"They were?" You asked, seeing Eddie beam at you.

"Hell yeah! When I told them all about this dinner, they were bouncing off the walls and looking like idiots! But I know they wanted to be here because of you! You made sure none of us were killed back in the Upside Down, they owe their lives to you....as do I,"

You grinned at him, feeling him pull you into a hug and have you dig your head into his shoulder for a moment. You weren't as close to the others as Eddie was, he was the one who brought you into their world when you two got together. Yet you were instantly loved by Dustin, Lucas and Mike, seeing how genuine happy Eddie was when he was playing Dungeons and Dragons with them. Then Steve, Nancy, Max, and Robin were brought in the mix that Spring Break and the Upside Down, the bond you all had was stronger than ever.

"It's just potatoes, baby," Eddie said to you as you two held each other in the middle of the kitchen, "If all else fails, I'll eat it all for you!"

"Don't do that, babe," You said against his nicer shirt he wore for the occasion.

"No, I will! I happen to like potatoes very much and I can clean all of those dishes in five minutes, you watch!" Eddie said teasingly to you, making you smile and giggle as bit as he chuckled and you both swayed a bit in your hold. A knock was heard on the door, you and Eddie breaking away from one another to see Nancy and Robin poking their heads in.

"We bring reinforcement dishes!" Robin said in glee, holding up the grocery bags in her hold. You looked at her in shock as they came into the kitchen and placed the bags on the countertop, unpacking with ease and determination.

"How did you know, Wheeler?" Eddie asked in wonder as Nancy grinned at him.

"Steve called as soon as he got here and told me what happened," She explained, giving you a knowing look, "I'm not a fan of potatoes myself, but I figured I would bring some bread rolls and the cranberry sauce. Robin snagged some green beans and Kraft Mc N Cheese!” "It's the best!" Robin hummed as she held up the serval blue Kraft boxes with a massive smile on her face. Your smile never left your face as Eddie rubbed your shoulders with his knuckles.

"Thanks, guys," He said to them both.

"Don't thank us, thank Steve. He was the one who called and warned us what happened. I swear, my brother is a bit dense at times and thinks mash potatoes should be the main side dish, as well as Dustin," Nancy explained to you both as Eddie snorted.

"Agreed. Now," He said, rubbing his palms together in determination, "Let bust out the Mac N Cheese and get those bread rolls toasty!"

30 minutes later, the living room was filled with food on the coffee table and everyone was sitting around it, paper plates in hand and their plates filled to the brim with food. Laughter was heard throughout the living room as everyone was enjoying the meal, digging in for seconds and thirds as you were perched in the one chair.

Seeing all of your friends chatting together and laughing over jokes made the dinner worthwhile. Maybe you were worried about the dishes and making it all perfect, yet now that changed from seeing how your friends were all in one space. They were all happy, no longer visibly stained with what happened months ago but blissed out in joy and happiness.

Eddie pulled over a kitchen chair to sit next to you, seeing you were relaxed in your chair and leaning into you a bit to give you a kiss on the cheek. You were happy to have Eddie calm your nerves and bring you to reality, especially with something like this. You loved that about Eddie: he knew how to bring your peace and to make your mind stay clear in the more stressful moments. Thanking your lucky stars that he wasn't taken from you in the Upside Down, knowing deep down he brought life and color in your world when you thought it would be grey.

"I'm so happy we could all be together tonight.” You said softly to Eddie as you both were watching Dustin snort about something Mike said to him, Will and Eleven were laughing too as Max was leaning into Lucas's shoulder and Robin was chatting with Nancy and Steve about something. Eddie grinned, wrapping his arm around yours on your arm rest and lacing your hands together.

"Me too, baby," Eddie said to you with love laced on his lips.

It was a great night, and you sent them all home with leftovers that included massive mash potato helpings.

The End.

Thanksgiving Prompts

[jennycalendar]

buffy/giles? jenny/cordelia? angel/cordelia? spike/anya? dawn/xander? willow/kennedy? kennedy/anya?? (i know i'm late to this game but i want to hear all your opinions)

buffy/giles:

oh, man. my take on this is a little different from most. starts out like i have a certain position, but prepare yourself.

buffy/giles is so divorced from canon! the story itself took so many steps to remove the possibility of buffy and giles ever becoming a romantic relationship -- the Six Inch Rule is often cited in a lot of b/g fics (yes i read them. i read everything.) and it's very very clear that the show has placed giles in a paternal role. a lot of the b/g ship arguments seem to suggest that giles doesn't actually want to be buffy's dad, but i think that omits the rest of that sentence -- giles doesn't want to be buffy's dad because he feels like a good dad would not be sending their kid out to die, and he believes that the ultimate act of paternal devotion is to Not Be Buffy's Dad. and buffy herself CLEARLY wants giles to be her dad! this is a point of contention between them!

i have read some b/g fic because i am always curious, and the bulk of the fic that i HAVE read just absolutely refuses to engage with the canon messaging, instead choosing to say "all of the rest of you are reading canon wrong, giles and buffy have never had a father/daughter connection, and there's always been romantic potential here." i find this incredibly boring. i think that any exploration of buffy/giles HAS to incorporate that, at one point, she saw him as her dad, and HAS to explore how those feelings changed + the weirdness/messiness of this entire dynamic in the first place.

i am not gonna be one of those people who pearl-clutches -- buffy/giles is a long-established part of this fandom and i do not think that it does us any favors to pretend that they didn't build so much of the incredible giles content/infrastructure that's out there! even if it's not my thing, i can respect it. but part of the reason it's not my thing is bc i do not see a lot of it that actually engages with canon. much of it intensely mischaracterizes buffy AND presents giles as the Perfect Man Who Is Perfect, which, again, soooo not interesting to me. write some weird shit where the daddy issues are addressed instead of shaken off and shoved into a closet! that is literally what fanfiction is for!!!

jenny/cordelia:

iiiiiii can't see it. they're way too similar. i've read a couple of fics where cordelia has a crush on jenny but honestly just cannot buy it. i think cordelia wants to BE jenny (cool confident assertive lady with a geek ass little boyfriend, is not bothered by what people will think of her for dating said geek ass little boyfriend) which is a little different.

angel/cordelia:

14 year old celia will never not be crying about them. neither will 22 year old celia. the most perfect thing to ever exist. they invented friends to lovers. i truly think there's nothing like them in the entire buffyverse -- the people that they start out as are so fundamentally incompatible, and then the people they grow into through heartbreak and supernatural situations become SO ENTWINED!!! i love the idea of a second, enduring love that you grow into -- something that is not fated. of all the couples in the buffyverse, they're the ones who are actually, canonically best friends who enjoy each other's company w/ the love stuff blooming FROM THAT, and that will never not kill me.

spike/anya:

hot in the short term/for a fwb situation, but i think they probably work best as friends. i don't really have anything to justify this position, Simply Vibes.

dawn/xander

i am totally ambivalent. i understand that it happened in the comics, but it's so hard to look at them and imagine it when he's such a big brother to her in canon! on principle, though, i respect the idea of the dynamic shifting as she gets older, because i love the narrative notion of relationships evolving and changing shape as time goes on -- i actually really love this one fic i read where she's obsessed with this idea of becoming a Cool College Student and wooing him with her new attractiveness, and it doesn't SEEM to work (she even brings it up to him and goes "haha wasn't this so funny and stupid of me to think it could happen?") but there's a suggestion that his perspective on her might be gradually changing.

willow/kennedy

people hate kennedy so much and that makes me love this more. out of spite. 1) this was so clearly not a long-term thing, and 2) this becomes so fun to watch if you look at kennedy as Baby Jenny & recognize the subsequent implications of this.

kennedy/anya

a recipe for disaster, i think. they both wanna be in charge and spoiled by their partner. they would get into SO MANY FIGHTS.

[mlobsters]

supernatural s14e12 prophet and loss (w. brad buckner, eugenie ross-leming)

feel like i'm just grinding through s14 at a decent pace. several times now they've made me had minor (to moderate) breakdowns and i just want to keep plowing through because i don't want the breakdowns to last more than one day 🫠 been a long time since a season made me cry so much. and especially with mid-season episodes? but it feels more.... hm. calculated. like when i bitched about 4 months suddenly equals 40 years in hell etc.

ranted about it in 9x09 because i don't think i was making my feelings known here for every episode back in s4

instead i just sighed because “trust me, kevin” and “i always end up screwed :)” so now dean’s gonna feel guilty. he’s already feeling guilty enough, did we need that too? when they push too hard on the excessive dean whump, i get annoyed. like the whole 4 months=40 years, i enjoyed torturing people, etc. edgelord bullshit :P

except instead of getting mad about it being edgelord bullshit now, i'm just feeling brokenhearted and manipulated. very not fun times. it's too much too close together to the jack thing and too similar to things they've done in the past, i think. is why it's pushing me away so hard.

dean's nightmare in the box / suicidal deathbed-esque convo also with interstellar-ish music / interstellar cornfield chase (c. hans zimmer) played by anna lapwood on the organ

well. dean's nightmare was awful. shades of him in hell calling out for sam. cannot fucking wait until this particular plotline gets snuffed out. and because i can't deal with not comparing this interstellar-ish music (it's in both spn scenes) i tacked it on to the end of this video too.

SAM Oh, hey. Didn’t mean to wake you. Sorry. DEAN No, it’s just a… bad dream. It’s fine. SAM You want to talk about it? DEAN No, I’m – No, I’m okay. DEAN What’re you doing? Why don’t you get some sleep? SAM You know, Dean, you don’t have to act like what you’re planning to do is just business as usual. I-I know you’re scared. DEAN Never said I wasn’t scared. But it doesn’t matter. SAM Doesn’t matter? We know we could die, uh, doing what we do. It’s always a possibility. But what you’re talking about is far worse than death. Michael’s an archangel. He could literally keep you buried in a coffin, alive, forever. DEAN Okay. I get it. But what’s the other option, huh? Michael gets outta my head and ends the world? ‘Cause it’s all right there in Billie’s book. SAM Yeah, but that’s only if we don’t find another way to take Michael off the board, and there has to be another way. DEAN And what is that other way? [SAM says nothing.] DEAN Exactly.

(but at least he wasn't sleeping in his jeans this time. oh and they're in an actual normal mid-price generic hotel room)

this reminds me a lot of the conversations in s5 about sammy going in the cage.

and like when i was watching the old guard, i'm like ah yes, stuck in a coffin in the ocean drowning over and over because you're immortal - i have heard this story before! on the vampire diaries! someone... stefan?? was stuck in a ...... safe? and pushed into a lake to repeatedly die and revive. 500 years and 3 months, respectively.

well this rando dude torturing and drowning a woman scene, also awful. jesus. we're committing to darker-than-usual i guess

CAS Sam. Maybe if I spoke with Dean… SAM It wouldn’t matter. Believe me, I-I I’ve never seen him like this. He won’t listen to me. H-He just – No. If we don’t find some way… Dean’s gone.

that interstellar-ish music again...

DEAN You ever think about when we were kids? SAM Maybe. Yeah, sure. Sometimes. W-Why? DEAN I know I wasn’t always the greatest brother to you. SAM Dean, you were the one who was always there for me. The only one. I mean, you practically raised me. DEAN I know things got dicey… you know, with dad… the way he was. And I just… I didn’t always look out for you the way that I should’ve. I mean, I had my own stuff, you know. In order to keep the peace, it probably looked like I took his side quite a bit. Sometimes when I was… when I was away, you know it wasn’t ‘cause I just ran out, right? Dad would… he would send me away when I really pissed him off. I think you knew that. SAM Man, I left that behind a long time ago. I had to. And if we’re gonna get through this, I-I have to do like you said and… try and keep my mind off of where we’re going. So, if we could not have conversations that sound like… deathbed apologies, I would really appreciate it. DEAN Right. Yeah.

listen i know this gets resolved somehow and i'm not gonna bail on this fucking project with a little more than a season left but i can't express how much i don't want to watch something that's making me cry so hard my head is killing me (more than it was already) on a regular basis. this is too many things that cut too close to home with characters i'm too attached to. sigh.