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vidavalor · 1 month

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Stars Crashing Down

For @tickety-bippity-boo and @thavron, who wanted thoughts on why the same musical cues play when Death spreads its wings as during the Jesus scene and the 2.06 kiss.

The questions posed to me were: What's the deal with Crowley and Death? Is Crowley Death? and the answer is... well, um... kinda... just read it and you'll see what I mean. 😉

You have sought The Black Knight, foolish one, but you have found...

...your death.

So, you do not have to read it first but, over here, I talked about the connections between why the same musical cues are playing in the 2.06 kiss scene and the Jesus scene. What we're going to do here is expand those thoughts out to include Death spreading its wings having the same musical cues and talk about why that might be.

The 2.06 kiss/Golgotha scene meta talks about how the show is using different meanings of the word passion and how Golgotha is contrasting romantic passion with the suffering and death of Christ, aka The Passion of the Christ. This isn't the only instance of a comparison between destruction and death and passion in the series. Looking at more of them will probably help clear up what's going on with the parallels between Death and Crowley (and Aziraphale) in the series, so, that's what I'll be doing here and you can let me know what you think, yeah?

Passion is, by far, not the only word that has such wildly, contrasting definitions, but it's one of the strongest examples of it because of how its definitions illustrate how people make comparisons between the experience of erotic love with the agony of suffering and death. The word is an example of something we could call a destructive sexual metaphor or sex and death.

Throughout history, humans have sought words to explain the experience of sex and many different common metaphors have arisen from this. Crowley and Aziraphale, for instance, also have a whole thing about one of the other most common ones in the arts, which is the sea. Linguistically-speaking, though, the most common ones have always been death and destruction. Why?

Well, some people see an orgasm as a rebirth of sorts and the closest thing a person experiences to death while still remaining alive. Both sex and death come with a sense of a lack of control. They are on the opposite ends of a spectrum when it comes to experience, with one being an example of intense pleasure while the other being possibly painful and an ending from which you do not return. This draws contrasts between them. Similarly, something being destroyed-- like a crumbling building, say-- is seen as metaphoric for the feeling of coming apart that can accompany an orgasm.

As a result, across many languages, there is a metric fuckton of linguistic overlap between words related to death, destruction and violence and words related to love and sex. The French phrase that means an orgasm, for instance, is la petite mort which, when literally translated means the little death. When Hozier sings the song that is on Crowley's playlist and offers his life in exchange for "that deathless death," the "deathless death" in question is an orgasm. He is using death as a metaphor for the sexual pleasure about which he is singing, which is currently one of the most well-known examples of sex and death/destructive sexual metaphor in modern music, if nowhere near the only one.

If you start thinking about slang words for sex, I'd wager quite a few of them are going to fall into the category of a destructive sexual metaphor because they're also words related to a sense of destruction. Bang. Smash. Wrecked. Nailed... Would you sleep with him? Yeah, I'd hit that... Even puppy love is destructive sexual metaphor, as it's a pash (short for passion) or a crush. The word that we use to say we have a little thing for someone-- a crush-- is the same word we use to say someone was killed within the rubble of a bombed building. Both a little disturbing and quite interesting, right?

If you've ever written or read erotica that was at least purporting to be a little literary 😉, you know that there's usually a lot of writhing and thrashing involved-- words that are originally rooted in flailing around in pain that are being used to describe how the body moves in the midst of sexual pleasure. These words, too, are a form of destructive sexual metaphor.

As anyone who has gotten back from seeing Deadpool and Wolverine improve the sales of Hondas for the foreseeable future can tell you, using violence and destruction as a metaphor for sex is not going anywhere. It's not new-- it's actually very, very, very old. How old, you say?

Well, how's this for homoeroticism: the word weapon comes from the Old English waepen, which was a word meaning penis, you guys. Dudes literally invented swords and the like to kill each other and then went 'this is just like my dick' to a point that they just called them the same fucking word. 😂

It's a truth universally acknowledged that nearly all Good Omens fans have seen Our Flag Means Death-- a tv show whose title is an example of sex and death happening, let alone the rest of the show. This also means you've all seen the most blatant example of destructive sexual metaphor on screen maybe ever and, if you have seen OFMD, you already know exactly what scene I'm going to say... 😂

It does not take much to infer that, perhaps, Stede's sword was standing in here-- so, was metaphorical for-- his cock and what Ed really desired here was to get done into the following Tuesday. The sword is a very overt metaphor for penetrative sex. This is what very blatant, destructive sexual metaphor looks like. More subtle ones exist-- it would be hard for them not to, by comparison lol-- but this is it a nutshell.

Ok, I can hear you saying: alright, I love the sadly departed queer pirate show, Vida, but what does this have to do with Good Omens?

As we'll see, Crowley and Aziraphale are fucking obsessed with death and destruction as a sexual metaphor, that's what, and sex-and-death is a theme of Good Omens.

Crowley and Aziraphale are supposed to be hereditary enemies. For thousands of years, when they've been in a place where someone could overhear them, they've had to sound like they dislike one another. To sound like a good angel and a bad demon, there needs to be talk of being on opposite sides of what is ultimately supposed to be a large-scale military conflict. Heaven and Hell are places of violence and destruction that are full of talk of war and Armageddon, right?

As we'll look at, you can use those words of death, violence and destruction to mean sexually euphemistic or, depending on the word, even romantic things... which is what Crowley and Aziraphale do.

Crowley and Aziraphale's language exists to mask their speech in public but the way they use it is to take those words of aggression and use them as flirtation. They're wonderful dorks who get off on seeing how cleverly they can wordplay each other into bed. Their little birdsong mating dance-- whether in public or private-- involves a ton of sex and death and destructive sexual metaphors. I've picked out a few of what I think are great examples but this is in no way all of them.

Receipts time. 😉

In 1.01, a drunk Crowley and Aziraphale are, on a surface level, talking about the destructive devastation that will happen to Earth when Armageddon happens. In reality, Armageddon here is a metaphor for a top notch time in bed. It's the end of the world so it's an irresistible metaphor for a really, really, good end, if ya get me.

Crowley flirts with Aziraphale with a bit of destructive sexual metaphor that is actually made even funnier retrospectively by 2.01's Before the Beginning scene and that's this bit here: "Stars crashing down!"

Making someone "see stars" is an example of destructive sexual metaphor in language because if a boxer takes a punch and starts to wobble, someone might say "oh, he's seeing stars"-- meaning, he's probably a bit concussed or, at least, disoriented from the punch-- but you can also want to make someone "see stars" in bed, which is descriptive for giving them pleasure. It comes from how many people see flecks of light when they orgasm. Crowley is taking this one step further by referring to them as the stars, which is made funnier by the fact that they set the stars in the sky and the first things he ever showed Aziraphale were literal fucking stars 😂.

And what are these stars doing? They're crashing down.

Crowley is comparing the stars falling out of the sky in the final destruction of Armageddon-- so, the destruction of the universe-- as metaphorical for the two of them in bed later on. Aziraphale gonna be so gone, he'll be like what are they putting in bananas these days? (The bananas are another post. Do not distract me while I'm on a roll here lol.)

Aziraphale comes back not long later when he's gotten enough drunken synapses to fire and he's got a destructive sexual metaphor for Crowley that wins at life by their standards because it also encompasses the sea which, as we looked at in the Fish meta (I'll link it later on in the post), they've been using to talk about sex seemingly ever since they first started having some literal and metaphorical oysters back in ancient Rome.

Aziraphale's metaphor? The Kraken.

The Kraken is a mythological sea monster that was often seen as something of a sea serpent, even if historians believe that it was based on giant squid and octopi before those were more well understood. Hmm, I wonder what long-limbed sea serpent could be The Kraken in Aziraphale's metaphor here? 😉

And what's supposed to happen to "The Kraken" that is Crowley during Armageddon?

Oh, it's supposed to come up from the sea to the surface "in the end, when the sea boils." When it all gets too hot because the sea in the mother of all boils here and "the end" is in sight, The Kraken is going to come to the surface.

This is Aziraphale using Armageddon as destructive sexual metaphor. He's comparing sea creatures trying to escape the boiling waters of Armageddon and dying trying to Crowley's near-future orgasm.

They managed these drunk so imagine how filthy they are sober! 😂

We don't have to, actually, as there are lots more...

When Crowley and Aziraphale crossed paths in The Kingdom of Wessex, how did Crowley flirtatiously greet Aziraphale?

"...you have found (dramatic beat while he poses) your death."

Crowley is amusing them both by using the words he has to say to sound threatening while posing as the seemingly violent Black Knight to actually refer to the fact that he's not Aziraphale's literal death-- he would never harm him-- but he is very much Aziraphale's metaphorical death, in that he is Aziraphale's lover.

It's a play on death and destruction as sexual metaphor, in that Aziraphale arrived expecting an encounter with violence, potentially, and, instead, he's found "death"-- pleasure.

For a pretty basic example, there is Aziraphale's "sitting on it" joke and that smirk 😂 to Crowley...

...this is a pretty surface-level but still very funny joke equating the sword with a cock and illustrating that Aziraphale is making the comment innuendo intentionally for the amusement of his partner, who more than gets the joke. Hell, his partner originated the damn joke...

Destructive sexual metaphor is also why Aziraphale references The Titanic when promising a great time at The Meeting Ball and why the theme song to the 1997 movie is on his playlist in S2.

The Titanic is the greatest nautical disaster that has ever occured. By Crowley and Aziraphale standards, that makes it metaphorical for best of the best sex. (Unfortunately, Aziraphale accidentally manifested an actual disaster instead lol.)

One could also say that positively destroying some barbecue is destructive sexual metaphor, especially when one looks one's partner dead in the eye in the middle of it and uses it as euphemistic for other things onto which one might like to go down.

Whew. Good thing Crowley has the constitution of an ox...

Now, you might say... but what do these two care about death and destruction? They're immortal! Except... they're not. Not entirely.

Their relationship is dangerous as all fuck and if they got caught, they could be killed. They do fear actual destruction and Aziraphale uses the word destroy to refer to that with Crowley in earnest more than once when expressing his fear over it.

The spectres of holy water and hellfire looms over them because they could be killed if they are caught. How they end up surviving that risk at the end of S1-- swapping bodies-- is a sexual metaphor in and of itself. The point is that there is risk to them so they understand the human comparisons between sex, destruction and death.

This is really why Aziraphale is so excited about The Bullet Catch in S2. There is nary a more frequent example of a weapon used in destructive sexual metaphor than a gun and, as I looked at a bit in the Fish meta, The Bullet Catch is a metaphor for the history of their sexual relationship and Rome, in particular.

In 1941, The Bullet Catch was Aziraphale's answer to the destructive sexual metaphor Crowley had made when redirecting the bombs in the church by finding an equally sex-and-death magic trick that they could perform together. They both were well-aware of the metaphor.

Understanding this and destructive sexual metaphor in general helps to make clear what it is that Aziraphale actually mouths at Crowley:

When Crowley is struggling to actually fire the gun because he's anxious and, ya know, doesn't want to kill Aziraphale (kinda understandable lol), what Aziraphale mouths at Crowley helps him focus and fire the literal gun that they could not possibly be using more euphemistically if they tried (and they are trying lol.)

If you look at the above gif, you will see that "trust me" are not the actual words that Aziraphale was saying, as those words do not match the movements of his mouth. What he says means "trust me" to Crowley, as Crowley later states, but those are not the words that Aziraphale actually soundlessly said to Crowley on the stage.

Instead, it's pretty evident that what Aziraphale actually mouths is "come for me." He got Crowley to fire the literal gun with some words that do it for Crowley in the situation for which the literal gun is a metaphor. Aziraphale having a gun to his head and using language he'd use in bed is the most sex and death thing that has ever sex and deathed.

This is referenced in the Chateauneuf-de-Pape scene afterwards, when they're still talking about The Bullet Catch as if it was sex, both well-aware of why they spent their date night using a gun-firing performance as foreplay.

Aziraphale referring to what it was he actually mouthed:

Finally, if The Bullet Catch is the king of destructive sexual metaphor scenes between them, then the queen is The Seeds of Destruction.

On the way to Tadfield in S1, we have this scene in which Crowley was giving Aziraphale a few more details about when he dropped off the baby eleven years earlier and started to feel down about how the whole thing is a mess and Armageddon is days away. Aziraphale then starts in on this little monologue using a religious teaching to talk about the nature of evil that gets quite a response out of Crowley.

A lot of people already see the end of the scene for what it is, as it's fairly overt:

You don't have to be looking at wordplay too heavily to see that Crowley's saying that what Aziraphale just said has him hard and that is emphasized by the shot we hold on of Aziraphale to end the scene being that he is clearly checking out the fruits of his labors. So, what, exactly, about what Aziraphale says in this scene is so hot that Crowley is trying to be cool but is very glad in this moment that the car can drive itself?

What Aziraphale is doing here when they're obviously alone is using the slightly pompous angel voice he uses when they banter in their speak in public and he is paraphrasing a religious teaching-- one that Aziraphale doesn't believe in or else he wouldn't be here in this car in this moment-- as the basis for wordplay. What is he doing with that wordplay? He is dirty-talking Crowley in blasphemous destructive sexual metaphor.

Aziraphale sounds like he's talking about the religious teaching that states that evil will always falter, no matter what, simply because it is evil, which means that it is doomed to always cave to good. He is actually using that teaching as a metaphor for how he will "win out" over Crowley the next time they have sex. To do that, he adds destructive sexual metaphor to the very hot blasphemy of using religious language to talk about sex because raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens and all that but if you mash up etymology, blasphemy, destructive sexual metaphor and the pompous angel voice, these are a few of Crowley's favorite things.

How does he use destructive sexual metaphor here?

Aziraphale is talking about how Crowley keeps the seeds of his destruction-- the impetus for what turns him on-- quiet and doesn't let people close to him and to know him is to know just what he likes and oh Aziraphale knows what he likes (like word flirting while he's driving lol)... and also that one of the things that Crowley likes to contain are the other way the "seeds of destruction" can be taken, which is the literal seeds of his destruction (yes, this is scene #543 to make an orgasm denial reference) but doing that, Aziraphale is saying? It's going to be no use, Crowley...

Among the wordplay in here is that Aziraphale is saying that Crowley might think he's going to last but he's wrong because, eventually, Aziraphale is going to have him metaphorically crashing on the rocks in a shipwreck ("founder on the rocks") and "vanishing"-- a word that means to suddenly disappear. A vanishing, in and of itself, is destructive sexual metaphor but the verb 'to come' is also the root of the words appear and disappear, making to 'vanish' doubly-euphemistic for a sudden, dramatic, ah... "disappearance."

Aziraphale is literally sitting there in the passenger seat chatting away in religious speak, wordplay-happy euphemisms, and with those he is saying, among other things: I know you and what you like and what you need and I'm going to have you dying for it and no matter how much you might try not to give in, eventually, you're going to give yourself up to me and I'm going to make you come so hard.

It's a little more detailed and more clever if you go word-by-word but, basically, that is, in summary, why Crowley is trying not to drive off the road at the end of this scene-- and it's destructive sexual metaphor to a point that there's a vanishing and a shipwreck-- plus, the word destruction literally in it.

Finally, the extent to which they use destruction and death as sexual metaphor is actually best summed up by a moment in which Crowley used it-- but not just as a flirtation.

In 1827, as Aziraphale debated healing Wee Morag, he thought he had more time than he actually did. Crowley, who could sense Wee Morag dying, tried to interrupt him to tell him:

Aziraphale continued for a second in which he says: "I will brook no argument"-- a phrase that implied through its use of a word that also means a type of body of water that he thought he had enough time to flirt with Crowley for a moment before doing anything. The whole exchange is only a few seconds long and Crowley knew that it was over before Aziraphale had even proposed healing Morag and that there was really nothing Aziraphale could have done.

He turns Aziraphale and they witness Wee Morag die. This is the first scene we've seen where the two of them see death happen before them, even though we know they've obviously seen it happen on Earth before. Both of them are understandably upset by Morag's death.

As Aziraphale then speaks to Elspeth, he starts to stammer, emotional over Morag's death and feeling guilty that he didn't save her. Crowley steps up to comfort him before moving to help Elspeth. Crowley wants Aziraphale to know it wasn't his fault and to not feel guilty for flirting while the young woman was dying, as there wasn't a way to save her. He does so by combining the comforting tone and pat of Aziraphale's chest with further flirtation, picking up where Aziraphale left off to show him he doesn't think badly of him.

The comforting flirtation? Is some sex in the face of death.

Crowley says something about grief to Aziraphale that also sounds an awful lot like something someone might say to a lover. The result of the scene is that it has the effect of sounding like Crowley is referencing something once said between them and that was likely something Aziraphale once said to Crowley after a very different sort of "death"-- likely, the first time they performed the The Bullet Catch together.

"It's a bit different when it's someone you know, isn't it?"

So, why does the same music play when Death spreads his wings and when Jesus is nailed to the cross as plays when Crowley and Aziraphale kiss in 2.06? Sex and death. Crowley is death in the sense that he's Aziraphale's death-- and Aziraphale is his.

These two are supposed to be thrilled to bits to one day defeat one another in glorious battle in the final war of Armageddon but they're really in love. They have no desire to hurt one another and every desire to give each other all the pleasure they can. They've developed and enjoy a mutual kink for figuring out increasingly clever and inventive, word-nerdy ways to say they want to fuck each other senseless by way of using words of God, violence, destruction and death to do so, underscoring a theme of sex and death in the Armageddon show.

After all, this is how Crowley once faux-told Aziraphale he wanted to commit murder, so... is it really a stretch? 😉

I'm pretty sure that is about neither goats nor kids, aren't you?

#ineffable husbands #good omens #crowley #aziraphale #aziracrow #good omens meta #good omens 2 #good omens theory #crowley x aziraphale #ineffable husbands speak #etymology #good omens analysis #good omens clues

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tokiwarcube · 2 months

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how jealous and possessive do you think the guys are? I saw your defensive post, and i was curious....personally, I see toki pretty high on the list, but then again im not too sure lol I can see any of the guys (Besides skwis a little) getting like this (Pickles is DEFINITELY very situational, Like he might get agitated at some random person, but Seth? Oh you know he is PISSED LMAO)

Same brain! They're just a bunch of bratty superstars, and while none of them are exempt from that special brand of jealousy that comes with stardom... some of the boys are worse than others. Below the cut -- enjoy!! <3

William Murderface

Easily the most insecure member of the group, it doesn’t take much to set off William’s jealousy. At all. It doesn’t matter if it’s a random rabid fan, or one of his bandmates, or a bug on the sidewalk — unresolved insecurities will do that to you, unfortunately.

And good lord, is he ever obvious about it. He’ll threaten the person openly when face to face, but behind closed doors? It’s best to halt his thoughts in his tracks with a bit of extra love and distraction, because he’s liable to start spiraling.

It doesn’t help when his bandmates start poking at those insecurities a bit — sometimes it’s unintentional, but other times, they just like to poke the bear. Again, please tell him how much you love him. Stand up for him if they start doing it in front of you, too — it means the world to him, it really does.

Toki Wartooth

Toki has been kept in the dark — both literally and metaphorically — for so long — too long. But you? You speak to him with such love and adoration, that the light you exude takes away some of that sting. Of course, that means that when your eyes aren’t on him, the painful ichor that sits in his chest comes back in full force. It’s suffocating. He misses you.

Toki is a jealous man, and undeniably possessive. He doesn’t see himself on the same level as the fans, but that doesn’t mean he doesn’t bite back when a particularly bold one tries to shoot their shot with you. He almost always has some sort of hand on you in public, and when this situation pops up, he uses it to his advantage to pull you away. He tries not to show how badly these little things affect him, instead redirecting your attention onto something else. Preferably, with him in tow. Hey, his drink is getting low, we should go get a new one. Don’t think about how full his glass was just a few seconds ago.

He gets just as irked when the guys try to monopolize your attention, if not moreso. This is doubled — no, tripled — when Skwisgaar in particular tries to shoot his shot with you. Not if, but when. It’s best to shut down both parties immediately, for everyone’s sake.

Skwisgaar Skwigelf

I also believe Skwisgaar’s jealousy is more situational — most people are so beneath the two of you that really, there’s no need to feel threatened.

But that doesn’t mean he isn’t deeply, deeply insecure. Hell, before dating you, he was reduced down to 1.) His sexual prowess, and 2.) His guitar skills. And sure, you’ve made it abundantly clear that he is so, so much more than that in your eyes… but after literal decades of being cast aside, only ever superficially loved for what he could offer, it’s hard to remember your words sometimes.

So people can flirt with you all they want — he doesn’t care. But if he feels like you’re spending more time with someone else? It’s the idea of you sharing that emotional intimacy with someone else what really kills him inside, and Christ, does he ever get jealous. He doesn’t want to talk about it, but it is very, very obvious. He’ll go above and beyond to get your attention back, but then he gets deeply cold once you leave the room — the guys cannot take the melodrama anymore, and will tell you as such, much to his mortification. Even then, Skwisgaar probably won’t want to talk about it… but you get the gist when he throws a few insults towards the offending party.

Pickles the Drummer

Like you said, I feel like his jealousy is pretty situational. It is painfully obvious when he does hit that point of possessive insecurity, but actually getting him there is… not difficult, but again — situational. It takes a specific type of person doing specific things to set him off.

He’s a normal person when people chat with you, and he generally trusts you to beat back any people vying for your affection too obviously. But there’s some things that just pick at those little insecurities inside of him, and that, that’s when you start seeing the jealousy brew.

Of course, Seth is the height of the jealousy trigger. If his brother reaches out to touch you, it’s best to duck preemptively — you’ll appreciate the view a bit more when Pickles comes in swinging.

Nathan Explosion

Listen — people lose their minds around superstars, and that effect is only doubled when they’re as beautiful as you are. He knows that damn-well, and so when fans try to shoot their shot with you, he doesn’t really get upset about it. Why should he be jealous of some random dildo on the street who can hardly get your name out without stammering? The most “jealous” reaction anyone can eek out of him is a simple “fuck off,” but even then, that’s moreso because the person is being an annoyance as opposed to an actual threat. He gives the exact same reaction when random fans come up to try and chat with him — Why are you talking to us? Can’t you see we’re busy?

No, his jealousy brews when people he actually gives a fuck about start inserting themselves into your relationship. Case in point: The rest of the boys.

He gets very grumpy when they start stealing your attention away from him — half the time they’re doing it intentionally to get under his skin, but he doesn’t need to know that.

#metalocalypse x reader #nathan explosion x reader #toki wartooth x reader #skwisgaar skwigelf x reader #william murderface x reader #pickles the drummer x reader #dethklok x reader #metalocalypse nathan x reader #metalocalypse pickles x reader #metalocalypse skwisgaar x reader #metalocalypse toki x reader #metalocalypse murderface x reader #dethklok nathan x reader #dethklok skwisgaar x reader #dethklok toki x reader #dethklok pickles x reader #dethklok murderface x reader

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libec-mostly · 2 months

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‼️ HUGE IWTV SPOILERS ‼️(also don't care if there are any grammatical mistakes i learnt english by myself don't judge 🙏)

the fact that every major moment in this show comes with fire is an amazing decision and it has such a beautiful metaphor and correlation with religion like

first it was a church fire inside of chaos, a flame of a human life inside of louis, a massacre, and pain pain pain oh so much pain, and then acceptance, and love, and worship "I saw him, saw his extraordinary aura and knew him to be no creature I’d ever known, I was reduced to nothing" and then some sense of security, a fucked up idea about happiness and a family, and eternity, and it was a rebirth of louis. here inside a chapel, surrounded by dozens of candle flames, of holy fire, under the christ, he found a real god, his god, like a 'devotee experiencing christ for the first time'

fire in storyville, denial of his own nature, torturing memory of the life and a family of a human that he once was, and reality that he now had to face, inability to control his emotions, and the consequences of unconscious impulsive actions, the birth of claudia, his daughter, his sister, his companion, his everything, his claudia.

a burning of antoinette and a homicide of lestat - louis is lost completely, day by day, he's tired and he can't keep up with the play pretend of a perfectly fucked family, with his claudia. with HIS lestat. and he's already torn between the present and the past and he wants to go back, he wants to be loved and be seen by lestat for the first time again, but he made his choice a forever ago, and he regrets it that instant. louis and claudia are reborn again, they leave new orleans

during a search for others like them in romania, it's an old vampire lady who threw herself in a fire and it's opened louis' and claudia's eyes on the reality of being a vampire without hope and guidence, and maybe for a second here, they thought about lestat, and felt a sense of compassion towards him

a fire in a mansion of some reach douches in paris - the first time after claudia's birth when she feels alive again, she found a coven that feels like family and she's riding a bike home and maybe just for a moment she remembered what lestat said about "an experience that feels like eating syrup while riding on the wind". and maybe it's weird but she felt herself being at two places at the same time - at home in new orleans, and at home in paris. "I love everybody and everything in this every moment, right every now!" claudia is alive oh so alive

and then it's an execution of claudia. a death by sunlight. and claudia is strong, incredibly strong, and she doesn't fall to her knees, but it hurts so much, and oh somebody please help me, i don't want to go, somebody please! she turns to lestat. she doesn't say anything, she can't, she doesn't need to. she looks at him "it burns so much i can't take it, it's under my skin, it's all over me, it hurts dad. dad. please. i need your h-". claudia is strong. so strong, she manages to kill lestat just by looking once in his eyes, while being burned alive by the sun

louis setting the théâtre des vampires on fire, not feeling a single emotion but a raging flame of anger after being resurrected. and louis is a dead man walking, two times more literal or ironical this time. and he's leaving paris because paris burns in all the colours of fire.

and then it's louis walking into the burning rays of sun in san francisco after meeting a young reporter, who made him plunge into an ocean of devouring memories of new orleans, of lestat, of his death, of his birth, of his claudia, and it was all so suffocating and it burned and burned and burned underneath his skin, and there he was again. dying. being born. becoming a new louis, an unprecedented louis, a polished to a shine mask of louis, that he would have to wear for the next 77 years.

"The sun as the giver of all life and the vampire as the epitome of the undead, the diametric opposite to life itself..."

"...are we closer to vampires because we too can be burnt, or are they closer to us for it?"

#iwtv #interview with the vampire #ldpdl #lestat de lioncourt #the vampire chronicles #anne rice #claudia #armand #i love symbolism

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ewingstan · 11 months

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uhh. whoever your favorite character is for worm bingo. also victoria

Oh shoot, who actually is my favorite worm character? Shit, let me check my best-worm-character shelf:

Hmmmmmmmmmmnyeah I think Rachel can graduate to my best-character-in-general shelf

God so close to a bingo. Can't call a young teenage girl a milf though.

Christ, what can I say about her that I haven't said already? Rachel is the reason Taylor's story works. Worm as a story would not work without her. Everything excellent in the story is encapsulated simply and brutally in her. She's what's being talked about free of any sci-fi framing, a straightforward example of how a normative society grinds up those who cant fit cleanly within it and then hunts and beats them for the audacity of living in the margins they've been pushed to. No need to dress it up in metaphor, shes not one for costumes.

(The "inconceivable" here mostly means "trying to wrap my head around why her costume worked so well for me ended up helping me analyze a lot of what worm was doing with costumes and genre expectations," as I talked about here. Maybe the opposite of what inconceivable means, but it felt appropriate.)

Heyyyyy we gotta bingo! Kind of stretched some of them, but wildbow certainly didn't think we knew enough about her or else he wouldn't have gone on to write Ward. Inconceivable in her case is me still not getting how her metal hood doesn't fall. The "ideas conveyed in arc are underrated" is in regards to two things: first, I feel like the theme of bodily autonomy, medical conceptualizations of what the body is supposed to be like, and idealized family bonds all congeal together really amazingly in the guts and glory arc in ways I haven't seen talked about enough. Secondly, while a lot of Ward's themes regarding justice, redemption, and mental wellbeing have left me cold so far, its handling of "the strict structure and expectations of the family are incredibly harmful and beyond salvaging" as a theme has been spectacular. Its been well developed across several characters' stories: Tristan and Byron being stuck in each other's context, Rain being unable to cleanly detach from the Fallen, fucking everything going on with Kenzie, etc. And Victoria's horrible no-good very bad family life sets up that theme to situate the other character's stories, her own relationship with breakthrough, and her inability to find a new way forwards in life.

#rachel lindt #victoria dallon #parahumans #wormblr #wardblr #wildbow #ask game #leo draws #leo says #leo reads ward

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adachimerica · 4 months

Text

quick lq lounge

aka im deliberately ignoring how its past midnight because i like my lineart a lot for these past few posts so fuck it

anger ribbon this time.

more behind the cut

hoooooo boy, back to HQ classique.

it was really fun to get to draw classic hq after all this time - cool to see how he looks now in my style after like, a bajillion years. (fr tho at least 5 lol)

anger!! i like how his cape kinda looks like fire, its very dramatic. his nose also immediately starts bleeding, as part of his sort of regression into his past state....

lq being like 'oh jesus christ i thought we were done with nosebleeds', jokes on you asshole its always nosebleed oclock in lq land

i had an extra face edit i didnt end up using:

this was going to be for a small aside of 'ok y'all don't be fuckin weird about this' to the audience as hes about to do a forehead press, but ultimately i figured they're kinda in their own world rn and idk how much lq remembers the audience is there

and then, of course:

i.... no joke, really really like how this one came out. drawing LQs profile has always been exceedingly difficult for me (there are some, uhm, faces out there on his blog that are.... bad lol. wack) but i feel like it finally clicked for me a bit? shrug

also i like how this is very much a visual metaphor for LQ where he was before, and now LQ where they are presently. also i like their little speech at the end, and at last the reveal of what tf lq was doing in the field.

YAY

#lqlounge #lqler #hqler

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lovecolibri · 4 months

Note

SaL anon here friend, ready to get my heart broken tonight by the Buckley-Diaz family. Do I love that we are getting to see just how connected Buck is to Chris and Eddie's life? Obviously. Do I have to like the path of how we got here? You couldn't pay me to. Why did we have to have the transphobe around all season? Why did no one in the writers room say "actually there are about 10 million other ways to have Eddie get over his dead ex than having an exact replica her play act Shannon so he can get closure and his son can be traumatized". So yes, I will cry and eagerly eat this entire Buddie 4 course meal (as opposed to the bucktommy side salad), but the ingredients still suck.

I'll also hold on to the faint but probably misplaced hope that this will be the straw that breaks the bucktommy relationship apart, because let's face it from what we've seen it wouldn't take much. I don't want to have to dodge horrible takes all hiatus as the stans try and make Thanksgiving dinner from a few bread crumbs (that's my 2nd food metaphor in two paragraphs, better eat something before the show). Anyway good luck to us tonight bestie, where about to get some heartwrenching performances I think, especially when tears up after Bobby climbs dramatically out of his hospital bed (I refuse to believe any other outsome is possible). Cheers friend 🍷🍸🍸!!!

Bestie, I am *vibrating*. As someone who carries all my anxiety in my stomach, I am....absolutely not eating yet 🤣 But the snort I made at that side salad joke was SO loud 🤣🤣🤣

Yeah, there was zero reason to keep the transphobe all season and I absolutely could have done without the doppelganger nonsense (or at least have her be played by someone else when Buck meets her so he could be like, Eddie she doesn't look that much like Shannon, Imma drive you to therapy now), but GOD the Buddie stuff has been so good so I'm just gonna ignore it for now and eat my Buddie meal.

I have a feeling hiatus is gonna be messy, unfortunately but at this point with zero development and no scenes showing Tommy really actually wants to spend time with Buck, IDK why they would give Buck another dead horse relationship to drag out longer than it should 🤷🏻‍♀️ I guess we will see! I've got ice cream waiting for when I get home and a fic that I swear to christ I'm going to work on.

Cheers!

#911 #my sweet nonnie friends #sleeping at last anon #buddie #anti bucktommy

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glowingmin · 8 months

Text

chapter 53 of this is an adjuration but its (moderately) analyzed

hi everyone we need to talk about chapter 53 aka i’m going to talk about it and you are going to listen. spoilers for the not only the entire chapter (btw i’m gonna be going crazy) but basically chapters 39 to 53 too. also yes i will be talking about all 100+ footnotes and yes i am going to be mad theorizing throughout. we cite our sources in this bitch.

first off: we’re starting off with Red being dead! fantastic! already in tears again thank you Vio. But now we get a different point of view, which is a lot more detailed. Makes sense because 1: vio and 2: four.

footnote 1: the implications of the hesitation. followed by footnote 76. green is an interesting critter. Red clearly is worried about dying, about becoming nothing if their sword is lost (footnote 93). From what I’m understanding, Vio and maybe Blue also felt the same during the sealing? Not too sure about Blue.

But also this comes back with when they go to pull the sword again! All of Link is in agreement (footnote 101). Which includes Green. Does existing again as Link where they don’t all fit back together perfectly help this along?

“Shadows grow, harsh and angular, a myriad of isosceles shards spilling out in a tiled plane. The power of them thrums, climes up Vio’s spine in a way that is so very familiar.”

Is Twilight’s shard the same Darkness as Shadow? As the Dark Mirror? I know nothing about twilight princess so I’m probably not qualified to theorize on it. Spoiler alert we're doing it anyways. The wording of shadows here, shadows being used, makes me think that it Has to be the same thing. Especially since Vio says that it feels familiar.

The portals that are taking them across time, whether caused by Hylia or Dink or Hyrule or Whoever Else is playing Tug of Link, also seem to be this dark magic. I don’t remember Vio saying that feels similar. So there has to be some sort of difference between types of dark magic.

revision glowmin here: did some twilight princess research. Apparently Twilight and Vio can shake hands on a friend breaking a mirror and disappearing. they should start a club.

footnote 2: Red and Vio bonding about Shadow! the pain of ‘when that happens, i’ll be right there’. but!! red isn’t here anymore!! christ!! “He’s good at that. Putting his feelings into metaphorical little boxes where they can’t touch him. Where they can sit and wait until he is no longer, and Link can take the boxes and open them up and the piece that is Vio can examine them under the safety of being a fragment, of being less-than-entire, of being whole, of being One.”

lets talk about this paragraph for a second. Link will no longer exist again. this is Unhealthy Coping 101 lads. He can’t be Link anymore to sort through all of those emotions (I figure Red is normally the one doing the mental housekeeping there anyways). So its going to sit in those boxes and rot there. Will it eventually explode? It sure seems like it during Ravio’s time travel dissertation!

footnote 3: king link the first. Sky? is Sky the king link mentioned here? like ik he’s the first in the Reincarnation thingie. is link doomed to be the hero because he was named after the king? if he’d been named bob would he have been spared? hmmmm. i mean Sky is literally mentioned in the sentence the footnote is linked to so.

“(...) it would be so easy to think that it was a piece of the King himself that died.”

but when you think about it, its true. the reincarnation stuff. Four is a Link. Four is a reincarnation of Sky. A part of him just died. So technically yes, I think thats literal.

“Oh. Blue. Blue is here. He can breathe now.”

“He blinks the blurriness out of his vision, to see Blue (his Blue, his guardian, his safety, his wall of ice between them and the world)”

“Of course he has to spell this out for him. Nothing can ever be easy with this man.”

the dual sides of the Vio opinion of one berry boy. The wall of ice though. Is that a callback to Blue being frozen solid in the FSA manga? And how Red had to save him? I notice there’s a lot of elemental imagery in the color-pov’s; green in particular about being comparable to the wind.

footnote 4:Absolute whiplash of a contrast to footnote 2. We go from Red offering to hear Vio talk about Shadow to chapter 39. chapter 39 my beloathed my sleep paralysis demon. The last thing Vio says to Red.

And we know context for why Red died. Red thought that Dink was Shadow. He offers the benefit of the doubt to Dink under that assumption. Even though Vio just spat at him, even though Vio is pulling away, Red is still trying. It gets him killed. If Vio figures out that information, I feel like it’ll be a terrible time.

“Vi isn’t… isn’t really sure which outcome would be worse. Either one would be better than this limbo, this waiting and floating and his body’s instinctive attempts to make him feel.”

emotions can’t touch me these shades are gucci - vio, probably. also I didn’t realize that Vio was still holding Red’s hand when they tried to become One again.

“After that, it’s as simple as wanting, of believing that to not be would be better than being, of feeling the thin tether of magic between himself and the gem in the pommel of his sword, and trying to make it stop. (...) Blue scoops up Red’s sword, the only bit of him left behind but his spilled blood, and two glowing points of red cut through the haze.”

foreshadowing?? foreshadowing?? i don’t remember if any other colors have commented on the tether between their swords and themselves. with that out of the way lets Talk about the difference between Vio and Blue’s thoughts of merging and then we’re getting into my Red Isn’t Dead coping theory

From chapter 40: “The three of them come to him, pushing at the magic and praying to anyone who might be kind enough to listen. There’s a flash of light, and Blue braces himself for the momentarily disorienting experience of becoming One, of having himself overwritten as a part from which the sum is made.

So we know from chapter 53 in particular that Vio has not great self imagery. like not at all. His thoughts of becoming one is summarized in that “believing that to not be would be better than being”. Blue, on the other hand, doesn’t have that thought. It’s a bit more vague, but it’s still enough to notice that merging seems to feel different for all the colors (or at the very least Blue and Vio have different interpretations).

The 2 gems on Red’s sword are glowing, and for the rest its just 1. I didn’t know that was a Thing until chapter 53. so here is my thought: where do the colors come from, actually? This chapter is implying that they are an extension of their swords. Are they physical magic, forced into a ‘body’? So hear me out on this one because I went and reread some of the other chapters to formulate this theory (i am coping hard).

What if: Red isn’t dead. He’s not alive, but not dead. Chapter 41: “Sky sees now, with horrible clarity, the similarity between the glow of the twin gemstones set in the pommel and cross guard of the sword, ruby red like his eyes were, and the sky blue pulsing light of Fi’s consciousness (...) Sky does not know if Red is conscious, if he is aware. He does not even know if he even is anymore. He knows only that Red is dead, and whatever remains of him is inside of that blade.”

First time I read this I was still in tears about Red dying so it didn’t make sense. I’ll be coming back to this theory later but for now let’s leave it at ‘red might not be fully dead he might just be in a coma’.

footnote 5: christ time travel makes my head hurt. i’m looking at it i promise i’m looking at it but the brain is rejecting the knowledge like gas station sushi.

footnote 6: FOUR SWORDS MANGA MENTIONED

footnote 7: ‘magical intervention for dead patients’ you mean the fucking necromancy

footnote 8: thesaurus dot com save me /reference

“What does he think? Of the situation? Of the idea that he has to live like this indefinitely? Of the reality in which Vio lives? Of the fact that this has happened twice now?”

Thoughts are stored in the Vio. the ‘twice now’ really hits hard. going to have a cry break again.

footnote 9: SHIT there isn’t a body either time. both times there’s some Item left behind; the shattered Dark Mirror, Red’s sword. but that’s not enough. good grief this is some trauma

remember the theory i literally just mentioned? here’s another point. I’m unsure how much of FSA manga is canon to adjuration (ik its not canon in LU shut up) but at the end we see very well that Shadow is still alive-ish.

Now hear me out: what if this is the same situation for Red? Alive, but no longer able to interact with the real world? Palace of the Four Sword lore from the Ravio cooking show?? put a pin in it we’re coming back later

““I think that creating a chain of alternative realities would be exactly the kind of thing I’d do to get them back. I think that I’d do whatever it takes, break whatever it takes, until all five of us, were together and home, and safe.” Green nods, and Vio knows that he has been overruled. “We go forward, into whatever fate awaits. We’re going to find who did this, and we’re going to kill them.””

Green doesn’t even ask Blue, now that i’m looking at it. that probably spurred a fight at some point off screen?? Also Vio mentioning five here!! and nobody questions it! I’m guessing they think Vio is out of it because Red is dead and that’s why nobody asked. remember this quote it’s going to be important later.

footnote 10: Green can’t lie? i’m gonna have to reread a bit to see that in a new light. Does Green actually want Shadow back? i hope so i think that would be cool.

“Vio nods. Wind can touch him. Wind is kind, Wind is safe. Wind is robed in blue and just as lovingly violent. Wind is a known quantity.”

Blue is also called a protector multiple times in this chapter and i think thats sweet. bittersweet, but sweet. stark contrast to Vio’s opinion in footnote 6 and between footnotes 3-4.vio honey the opinions aren’t staying in those boxes you made you need a U-haul.

footnote 11: i love these domestic colors moments they’re so. good

““I need you to get your shit together, can you do that for me?” Directions unclear, too broad.”

i am not going to make the joke i am Not going to make the joke

footnote 12: never even watched lttp gameplay but i looked it up just for this footnote. rosetta stone hylian edition real

footnote 13: seeing red. i see what you did there.

““...we lost Blue?” Not another, not a third, Vio can’t do this again, he can’t see that again.”

Green pea please be more specific you aren’t helping things. Considering that just a few paragraphs ago Vio was calling Blue their guardian, I would like to think that Vio is instantly going worst case scenario. and who can blame him, really?

footnote 14: heehoo shadow got thanos snapped, more trauma on the vio boat

footnote 15: I’m not sure how much minish cap is in Adjuration lore but him training at a young age makes him being picked to repair the picori blade more reasonable. because why else would you send a child into the wilderness without any help. he got like 2 years of training He’s Fine.

footnote 16: footnote 84 callback

“Wind is blue and water, and he feels just like a big brother should. (...) Green has his voice, has blown it away with his already made up mind.”

More elemental imagery for the colors! And its also being applied to Wind, who wears Blue, and is being compared to Blue.

footnote 17: i couldn’t find any reference of something called a ‘tracking hawk’ other than something that happens in twilight princess apparently? so maybe that’s what this is referencing.

footnote 18: hesitation to smash the Dark Mirror shaking hands with hesitation to put the Four Sword back in its pedestal? also your daily reminder that in the manga TINGLE contributes to why Vio didn’t smash the mirror

footnote 19: is this Blue perception in the memory? about the ice? maybe.

footnote 20: vio picture perfect memory canon.

“A flash of blue. Blue? No, Wind, screaming and disemboweling a moblin three times his size, an unmoving obstacle between Vio and what had been his certain death.”

From chapter 42: “The rest of them all be fucking damned, Wind is getting Vio out of this alive.”

just figured this little nod to that would be important to point out. Wind goes big brother mode and I’m here for it.

footnote 21: tragedy + time = comedy reference maybe? I figure Blue has had some time to cool down by killing monsters, so that’s probably why he’s able to muster a joke. if it was even on purpose

footnote 22: A field guide on first aid would honestly be really good for the colors/Link to know. especially if minish cap is fully in Adjuration canon. I don’t know how well Ezlo would be for administering hylian first aid in the field.

footnote 23: from FSA manga, vio: “Because I was ‘the smart one’ I thought I was always right. I learned ‘smart’ and ‘wise’ aren’t always the same’. Concussion is definitely going to put some struggle on the braincell.

footnote 24: Is Vio the only color capable of lying?

“Vio sighs, and melts into the warmth, the scent of the Dark. It is familiar and it is safe and he is free to go away.”

THE Dark? Implication that there’s only One Type, so. scratch whatever nonsense I was on earlier about there maybe being different types of Dark, ig.

footnote 25: MINISH CAP MENTIONED!!!!!!!!!

footnote 26: more domestic color moments. Is their home labeled ‘four’? I’m assuming it is because there is an ‘r’ and ‘u’ and each color is painting 1 letter.

theory number three time: what the piss is going on at four’s house. from chapter 44: “Even still, Legend could swear that he saw the handle turn as he drops.” and then chapter 53: “Even still, Vio knows that he sees the door handle turn.” we have 2 inbetween footnotes to go through really quick and then we’re theorizing again.

footnote 27: more fodder for the theory of the colors just being their swords, I think!

footnote 28: wonder which of the colors is the most attuned to magic. maybe vio?

alright its THEORY NUMBER THREE FOR REAL TIME MOTHERFUCKERS THIS IS WHERE I GO CRAZY

“Something Dark and familiar crawls like a shiver up his spine.”

Vio knows Dark magic, okay I think we all understand that. He knows Twilight has Dark magic, the Dark Mirror was Dark magic, Shadow was Dark magic. what in the hell is dark magic inside the color’s home? no clue! this is where my theory comes in (it’s a two in one deal)

theory 3.1: Shadow is going to be revived at some point. The Dark magic is familiar to Vio because it’s Shadow, and Vio knows Shadow’s magic. Is Shadow playing tug of war with Dink to bring the colors home? How would he return from the dead? What time even is it in Four’s era at this 10 second pitstop? This is where I think that this is maybe during the late, LATE part of their adventure through time. but the gist is Shadow is somehow alive and is trying and failing to draw anything other than an uno reverse card.

from chapter 45: ““Odd, that. It’s not like there’s anything interesting in there. We tore the whole place apart after the first time. It’s just a small town forge.””

we will bring this back up at the Ravio hour. everything comes up at the ravio hour.

theory 3.2: its Vio from the future. when we get to the Ravio Insanity I’ll get more into this, but we need to go back to this line from chapter 53: “I think that creating a chain of alternative realities would be exactly the kind of thing I’d do to get them back. I think that I’d do whatever it takes, break whatever it takes, until all five of us, were together and home, and safe.” Maybe this is Future Vio making good on his word. ripping apart time and space alike for a CHANCE to save Red.

footnote 29: legend is royalty Adjuration canon?

footnote 30: vio gaslighting hour, but he’s only gaslighting himself. from FSA manga Vio says: “But as a hero, I never strayed from my hopes and goals.” He calls himself a hero here, but then laments about it later. Plus he doesn’t seem happy during the whole confrontation sooooo

footnote 31: fourth edition hehehe

footnote 32: So Blue is to blame for the color’s haircut? I am so deep into brainworms I can’t remember if Four’s eyes changed colors or not.

““He’s got like thirty books crammed in here, where has he been getting them all?””

i love Green and Blue doing their best to bring Vio back to them. rise and shine gamer you need to read your concussion away.

footnote 33: existential crisis from footnote 27

footnote 34: excellent word choice Blue

“Vio pulls the book up, out of the bag and into his lap. It’s heavy and leather bound, with a metalwork crescent moon on the cover. A present from Ravio. (...) Ravio who insists at some point in their future, Vio will want to shatter a Light spell.”

remember theory 1? about Red not being dead? here’s more food for this theory. Four is also called the Hero of Light. A Light Spell. The Four Sword is made to cleave through the darkness (chapter 52). To shatter a Light Spell might be them trying to bring Red back from limbo. if he is in limbo. i hope he’s just in limbo.

“His brothers are both in their usual positions relative to him when they sit like this, the empty space where Red ought to be gaping like a wound.”

you did not have to hurt me like this

footnote 35: Dark Mirror related trauma hours part TWO!!!!

footnote 36: and then it pivots right back from me tearing up to cackling about Shadow and Vio antics. I wonder what word Vio said here to make Shadow confused.

footnote 37: looking at shattering a Light Spell. looking at the magic of the Four Sword. if the Light spell Vio wants to shatter really is Red’s sword, the fact that Four is a blacksmith just might be what saves the situation

“The book is tugged from his hands and Blue’s own, cold and calloused, take hold.”

Are Blue’s hands permanently cold from being frozen? I know there’s been ice and water imagery in the past with Blue but this would be neat. Also did Blue and Green also see the note Ravio left (Don’t let anyone but you Four see this) and that’s why Blue is taking the book away?

footnote 38: we love character insight!! we love link knowing that a custom product tailored to the horse is better than a one size fits all mold!! hell yeah!

“Vi watches as Blue’s expression ices over.”

More ice imagery, this time with Wind present! Wind is sticking up for Vio like the big brother he is. And from chapter 45 we know that Wind most likely just finished telling Sky off about not being okay, too, so he is just picking up Red’s place as therapist I guess!

39: more important possible minish cap or just adventure in general books to have read

“Wind is curled into the front of him, blankets tangled up in the boy’s legs. Vio twists in place, spinning to face Blue. His brother is still in his sleep, face softer than it ever is when he’s conscious. Red’s sword creating a barrier between them, laid in its scabbard (Blue’s scabbard, they have to get him a new one just for him now) on the bedding, Blue’s fingers held fast to the hilt. Where’s Green?”

I skimmed through chapter 45-46 and I didn’t see any mention of where Green is at this point so I’m not sure where he is. But Wind is in on the cuddling and I’m here for it. And also… Red’s sword is still in the pile. Is there symbolism behind Red’s sword being between Vio and Blue? About how Blue is using the voice reserved for Red for Vio, now?

footnote 40: thinking this is pre minish cap, I think link already has a scabbard when he starts that journey.

“The boy gently presses them to Vio’s temples, and it is warm and loving and wild and red.”

All of those adjectives are applicable to Red. food for thought.

“Vio looks back down at the book in his hands. Not Ravio’s, good. His brothers aren’t that stupid, thank Hylia.”

So here I think the other colors have seen the note Ravio left them. I don’t know if they’ve discussed anything about it or not. or maybe they don’t know and its only Vio?

footnote 41: concussion

footnote 42: book (yeah I don’t have much to say for these two footnotes)

“The fire is warm and the floor is hard under his shoulder blades as he stares up at the ceiling, Blue on one side, Wind on the other.”

Wind is shoving Green out of the equation I think. I feel like this animosity will probably become important later but so far I don’t think anythings happened.

footnote 43: I know nothing about coffee so I really don’t know what this footnote is about, but Red is precious as always.

footnote 44: BODY LANGUAGE FOR DUMMIES i cackled when i saw that

“Green visibly chews that idea over in his mind, probably working overtime to have an original thought.” Compared to chapter 46: “Green frowns, starting to mentally replay every interaction that he has had with Legend. The universe, or fate, or… Hylia, maybe the Goddess herself decides that that is enough thinking for him today, because that is when the portal opens.”

footnote 45: “Not that Shadow's pressence here is strange, but for the first time, Vio didn't sense him coming. The alarms didn't start going off. He was woken by a physical touch, not warned seconds before by the indescribable feeling of wrong that slithers up his spine whenever this boy gets too close.”

WE ARE GOING TO BE COMING BACK TO THIS FOOTNOTE KEEP IT IN YOUR BRAINS FOLKS

footnote 46: Sky is arguing with Green, and then it references the downfall of Skyloft. beans

footnote 47: arson is the answer. arson is always the answer.

““Walk away before I break your nose again.” His protector says this as casually as if he were listing off how many nails they needed to make that week.”

Blue is (as the quote says) protecting Vio here. which is sweet. Blue broke Green’s nose back at the ranch (chapter 46)

footnote 48: Dark Mirror shattering reference? I wonder how long after the adventure this is. Also we know one set of the footsteps is Blue, but who’s the other?

footnote 49: A feeling of something Dark, something wrong slithers with a shiver up his spine. Vio looks up, and sihloutted in the moonlight, there is a boy in a tree.

WE’RE COMING BACK TO THIS ONE TOO.

footnote 50: honestly surprised its not a plastic plant but this is arguably funnier

““Hyrule says a big fight is heading our way. We aren’t going to be able to keep you out of it.””

We’re at chapter 47 now!

footnote 51: considering how Easy the bow is to use in FSA this footnote makes a lot of sense.

footnote 52: multivariable calculus and ‘simple straightforward’ do not belong in the same sentence vio what the shit.

footnote 53: in the manga vio is shown to load 2 arrows at once, so yeah archery being preferred makes sense to me!

footnote 54: blacksmith fun!

footnote 55: god i fucking hate geometry all my homies hate geometry

footnote 56: MINISH!!!!

footnote 57: john mulaney reference?? also grandpa and the colors! wonder where Four’s father went

“Vio nearly laughs at the realization that all of that pain and suffering could have been avoided if they had simply gone through in pieces every time. And he’s supposed to be the smart one.”

They’ve been through a few portals since Red’s death by now, so the fact that he’s only noticing this now speaks volumes to how… mm, withdrawn into himself he’s been.

“Vio stares at the portal itself, considering. Hyrule made this. He didn’t know that was something that one of them could just do. (...) Vio slides his hand into his own pack, feeling around until he makes contact with the book Ravio gave him, finger tracing delicately around the thin ornamentation. All this time, he has had the directions for non-paradoxical time travel literally in his fucking pocket.”

hey remember theory 3.2? this might be where Vio gets the idea that he can do this sort of thing.

revision glowmin here: for some reason footnote 58 got deleted. So here it is! Vio does in fact look smug.

““How long have you known that Red was going to die?” Vio aks, voice as hard and unfeeling as stone.”

More earth elemental imagery for Vio!

“Ravio flinches, not meeting Vio’s stare. “The eighth,” he practically whispers, as if confessing to a crime.”

I know I mentioned this in my Ravio Board Analysis but the Link To Ravio timeline traveling being nonlinear makes my brain hurt and I cry.

footnote 59: Vio would forgo reading to watch Blue and Vio spar (?) so you know its good stuff

““So don’t. Because I’m sorry Legend, but I’m going to have to kill your husband now.” Blue says this as gently and steady as a summer rain.”

graduated cylinder homophobia

footnote 60: the stark comparison between Blue’s playful sparring with green (footnote 59) and the dance fight with Red (this footnote) really makes him going for Legend look like murder. which. was the point but you know what I mean

footnote 61: I am 90% sure this scene happens right after Shadow disguises himself as Vio in order to get the other colors to actually fight Vaati effectively. We don’t see which direction Shadow leaves and Vio enters from, but it is possible that its the same direction. and the next time we see Shadow he is limping, so,,,, yeah.

“(...) Blue flips his grip on Red’s sword and slams the pommel into Legend’s nose, which Legend answers with a shield bash of his own right to his brother’s face. Vio hopes it hurts.”

This strikes me as a bit odd since Vio has been calling Blue ‘protector’ and ‘guardian’ throughout this chapter, albeit with pauses of dismissing him for brashness. Perhaps its because of the note Ravio left in that book, and the knowledge that in the future he wants to shatter a Light spell? And in order to do that Ravio must still be alive, so that’s my reasoning on why Vio wants Blue to hurt.

footnote 62: MINISH CAP MENTIONED also this must be before the minish cap journey because I think after that any attempt to say Link is ‘too old for that nonsense’ is thrown out the window.

footnote 63: vidow (metal pipe sound effect)

““Captain,” he says, walking over to him first. “This is from him.” (...) A room full of eyes on him, Vio tears open the envelope and carefully pulls out the single scrap of paper. (...) ‘You’re going to have to trust me, Violet. And you’re going to have to prove you’re as good a liar as he says you are. I’m trying to help all Five of you. -Not a hypocrite, either.’”

WE’RE HERE ITS TIME FOR THE THEORIES TO COME ROLLING. YOU REMEMBER THE FOOTNOTES I TOLD YOU TO REMEMBER? THEY’RE COMING IN NOW.

back to back here we have the mentioning of a ‘he/him’. I think its pretty clear that when Ravio is addressing Warriors, he’s referring to Wind in the future. Wind hasn’t gone to the War of Eras yet, and he gets called some weather nicknames in chapter 52 (“That crazy little hurricane who knew more than any person should, and was drowning in the weight of all that unwanted wisdom.” (...) “kidnapping people like my poor self and that damn riptide.”)

So that begs the question: who is the ‘he’ Ravio is mentioning in his letter to Vio? Is this future Wind? I see two possibilities, and so I raise you theory 3.2.1: Wind is the one who is helping future Vio rip holes in the fabric of time. You remember right before footnote 10, where Vio mentions five instead of four? Maybe this is where Wind would get the ‘five’ from when describing things to Ravio. Not super important I think but it is absolutely worth mentioning.

now I hope you’re ready for my insanity folks!

The line ‘not a hypocrite either’ leads me to believe that Ravio is referring to himself and Legend. Ravio is Legend’s dark world counterpart, just as Shadow is Four’s. To imply that he is not a hypocrite means that Ravio knows of Shadow’s existence. More than that, he knows of Vio and Shadow’s relationship.

Now I’ve reread Adjuration 3x now and Legend has completed the Palace of the Four Sword (chapter 24: “I FUCKING KNEW IT!” Legend’s mouth moves faster than his brain for once in his life, and he winces, but goes with it. “I knew I recognized that damn sword.”) My running theory is that perhaps the Palace of the Four Sword being in the Dark World is what could possibly lead to Shadow being revived. let me explain.

in the board of madness of chapter 49, we get the timeline of the visits. Chapter 49 is visit 8 for Ravio. It is the only one thats black. For Ravio, he apparently learns who Shadow is BEFORE he learns who Red is. The visit for when he learns about Shadow (visit 8 ravio visit 6 links) is yet to happen in Adjuration. There’s 1 more visit between visit 2 ravio visit 8 links (visit 6 ravio visit 7 links) so SOMETHING is going to happen between the next 2 visits, i guarantee it. My theory? Control is going to be waived from Dink (if only slightly) and he is going to Get Pissed. More on that later but first: who’s at the forge.

Each time Shadow’s magic/Dark magic is addressed by Vio, it is done in a similar way. Chapter 53: “The power of them thrums, climes up Vio’s spine in a way that is so very familiar.” “Something Dark and familiar crawls like a shiver up his spine.” “He was woken by a physical touch, not warned seconds before by the indescribable feeling of wrong that slithers up his spine whenever this boy gets too close.” “A feeling of something Dark, something wrong slithers with a shiver up his spine.”

Every. Single. Time. Dark magic is either called ‘familiar’ or ‘wrong’, and it sometimes causes Vio to shiver. There is some force of Dark magic attempting to bring the chain to Four’s forge. It is that line about it being familiar when they drop in their most recent visit that leads me to believe that it is Shadow. How is it Shadow? Freyja confirmed that Shadow is 100% dead at the end of the events of the manga, so we know he’s dead. I have almost zero basis for this but I have a Theory (this logic is solely going off of the “Entity in the Forge” vibes).

In chapter 24, we get insight on the Palace of the Four Sword from Legend. “Don’t think about where he saw it the first time, don’t picture Four like that , don’t think about the malice and the stench of death, the black magic and the hatred rolling off the blade in waves. Fight now. Panic later.”

Is there a difference between black magic and Dark magic? I don’t know enough Zelda lore to say for certain. What we do know is that Legend is from Four’s future. Time travel confusion aside, in a Link to the Past, there is a copy of Red. What I think is going on here is that the Palace of the Four Sword being in the Dark World is perhaps a catalyst to revive Shadow. He came from the Dark Mirror after all; surely that much Dark magic in one place would be good for this sort of thing? The hatred is a bit concerning but I think a little anger is good as a treat.

How does he get back to his proper time period? Cia’s spellbook, I think. I truly honestly 85% believe that the tug of war here is between Shadow and Dink/the Yiga Clan. From tumblr, we have the list of the chain as follows: Sky, Four, Red, Green, Blue, Vio, Time, Legend, Hyrule, Wind, Twilight, Warriors, Wild, and then a redaction of a member.

(brief pause by revision glowmin here: the distinction of Four being different than the RGBV is a neat detail)

As far as I know there’s only a few options that this 14th Link could be. It could be the link from Spirit Tracks; unless Adjuration Wind also has that adventure. It could possibly be the Ancient hero from BOTW, the one shown on the tapestry and then in the Hero’s Aspect in TOTK. It could be the first ever Link, the one before Sky. Or it could be Shadow. I don’t think any of these four options deal with Dark magic other than Shadow.

There’s also my other theory that it’s Vio (and possibly Future Wind?). Vio has already made it clear that he will do whatever it takes (confirmed by freyja via tumblr: “Vio is willing to get his hands dirty. Vio is willing to shatter fragile things. Vio has nothing left to loose.”) I’ll bet my stockpile of gummy worms that the other 15% is this scenario. (“He doesn’t need to. For the five of them, there is no price too high, no cost too great. He’s going to do whatever it takes.”)

(revision glowmin again. no cost too great? hollow knight moment.)

Now let’s talk about the Yiga Clan for a bit. I want to strangle them like a wet sock. They’re like the Eyes of Ganon that Hyrule talks about sometimes. I know little about them, but the point is that their goals are the same: kill the hero to revive Ganon. For the Eyes, its Hyrule, because they need his blood. For the Yiga Clan, it’s Wild, because… well, he killed Ganon and its revenge time.

I think the reason the Yiga Clan are so against the chain being in Four’s era for more than a few seconds (other than the fact that they’re not the ones taking the chain there) is related to Ravio’s thesis. “His era might not be poison to Darkness the way that Sky’s is, but it’s too closely guarded.”

If the chain wind up in Four’s era, and the Yiga can’t wrangle them back, Dink might lost control of the ordeal. For the most part it seems like he’s been the one picking and choosing where the portals will lead the heroes. (“The Captain arches an eyebrow, “Who are the other players?” / “Hylia, The Yiga clan, and Hyrule, though he has hesitated to take his turns, for starters.””)If he lost that control, I feel like it would be a spiral of madness as he goes off script to get them back under his thumb.

For the silly, how I’ve been coping with the angst has been that Red and Shadow are 2 ghosts following the Chain around and just watching all this shit go down. Canon? 99% sure that’s not the case, but it sure would be funny! i drew a little something to commemorate this coping mechanism.

okay. ramblings and thoerizationings are over (I probably repeated myself way too much). tldr: there’s plausible cause for the dark entity at Four’s forge to be Shadow, but it could also possibly be Vio from the future/near the end of the journey. Whoever it is, they’re threatening to remove some of Dink’s control of the situation and that might Escalate Conflict. The Palace of the Four Sword is important to a possible Red revival (and maybe Shadow)! I am never going to emotionally recover from this.

back to your regularly scheduled analysis that is probably going to go off the walls again.

footnote 64: again: if Four had been named Bob and not Link, would the Minish have had to pick a different hero? I wonder what reasoning Four’s father had for naming him after the king, anyways.

footnote 65: Ravio and Legend’s dynamics being directly related to Vio and Shadow. More correlation of Ravio saying he’s ‘not a hypocrite either’.

footnote 66: domestic color antics. Blue screaming that he’s going to kill Red, starkly contrasting with how Blue reacted when Red actually died. We know that Blue was exaggerating here in the flashback but it’s here, so its getting mentioned.

“Vio gets up, leaving them to it in order to get a better view of Ravio’s notes. It’s not hard to follow. The Timeline in the middle, their lives in bullet points on one end, their visits to this era in history on the other.”

Vio sweetie I don’t understand the visits to the Ravio Center. at least he gets it so good for him I guess.

“Wind marches over, frowning. “What are you - oh.” The sailor frowns as he takes it all in. “Why is my name all over this?” / Green blinks. “That’s what I was asking you.””

The revisitation of the animosity growing between Green and Wind!

footnote 67: Not sure when this flashback takes place, but I’m assuming its shortly after Shadow’s death?

footnote 68: There is a lot of. unrest in the chain because of Red’s death. Twilight gets outed as Wolfie, the colors are in shambles, Green and Wind are fighting, Twilight and Wild are not having good terms, the Fierce Deity is brought out, etc etc it is a Shit Show.

rapid fire footnote time

footnote 69: Legend just said that he might not stop Blue from killing Ravio this time. This is, of course, comparable to how the last thing Vio said to Red was to spit in his face. which is what this footnote is a recap of.

footnote 70: projection moment

footnote 71: Shadow gets blasted to bits

footnote 72: I believe this is a callback to footnote 48

footnote 73: More broken glass imagery back to back. Vio pointing out that for the next two visits that happen for Ravio is going to be when he possibly learns who Shadow is, and a better understanding of Red. I think. the timeline of the Ravio Hours hurts my head.

footnote 74: WHO IS THE HE. we already went over this but I’m bringing it up again. Wind or Shadow, I’m placing my bets.

footnote 75: Red again reassuring Vio about Shadow, and about how they all would like him back. Which is, again, making Vio spitting at Red right before he dies all the worse.

footnote 76: “Green on the other hand, feels nothing but the desire to get this over with.” Now that I’ve given it more thought, I don’t think this is ‘hee hoo Green is Diet Link’. I think Green is still feeling unnerved about it (see footnote 1), but its perhaps muddled over him trying to keep the others from backing out.

footnote 77: of course vio knows statistics

footnote 78: Vio calling himself a traitor here, I think is an implication of how he considers himself a villain but… if he’s a traitor to Shadow, who is the ‘villain’ here, at the very least it’s morally grey territory. i think. i don’t know man

footnote 79: I believe this also happens right after footnote 48

footnote 80: Okay but the fact that this is ‘twice will happen thrice’. This has happened twice to Vio (Shadow and Red). The third time would be Ravio.

footnote 81: Wind specifically being mentioned here is important I think. I don’t know why its important but it feels important. especially since he was the one who stood up to Green.

footnote 82: crying

“Vio freezes, words going still in his throat as they choke him. He’s getting overly emotional. He’s getting worked up. His feelings are trying to exhume themselves.”

I feel like this is a direct callback to the start of the chapter. Vio says that he can put all his emotions into boxes to save them for when he becomes One. I think the boxes are beginning to overflow.

footnote 84: another continuation of footnote 48, 72, and 79 I think.

footnote 85: Vio throwing shade at Green

footnote 86: blue performed a whoopsies

footnote 87: Derealization moment I think. Which honestly, yeah with all the screaming going on in this scene I can. yeah.

“Vio turns and sees Wild, lowering a serving tray down, upon which rests four cups full of steaming tea.”

Four cups, but I think in this case the four are Vio, Blue, Green, and Sky. I don’t think there’s anyone else in this part of the conversation.

footnote 88: IMPORTANT!! IMPORTANT SHIT HERE!! SOUND THE ALARMS. Not only is it a title drop, but we also have Shadow beginning to understand that he can be more than just one thing. He was created by Ganon to be evil, yes, but then in the manga Zelda tells him that he is as much a hero as the colors are. I think this is a scene that will come into play later if the entity at the forge is in fact Shadow. or if there’s any future Shadow related plot points.

footnote 89: I think Vio might be the only color capable of lying. In chapter 53 we hear that Blue nor Green can (or are good at) lying. Red being able to lie isn’t brought up, but I’d assume it to be the same scenario.

footnote 90: quote straight out of the manga

“Everyone else moves an instant after Legend’s fist crashes into Wild’s eye, to pull them apart or join in the fight, Vio isn’t sure.”

Here we learn that Legend punches Wild! I’m pretty sure this is where his knuckles get injured, and its the wound Hyrule’s blood heals.

footnote 91: Shadow dies and then Ganon shows up, so it is… a situation, that’s for sure! Unless Adjuration takes a different spin on that part of the manga. Vio calling himself a villain again is also important because he does not define himself as a hero.

““I’m not letting go of Red,” Blue says, as passive a threat as a sheet of ice above a turbulent river. “Take me if you need to, but not Red.””

It seems like all of the colors understand now that they are (?) their swords. He’s telling Warriors to take himself, but not Red, in reference to disarming. Also, more ice and water symbolism!

footnote 92: ‘singular point of light’. I feel like this might be a contribution to shattering a Light spell

footnote 93: fire imagery for Red!

footnote 94: IT WAS THE WORD FOUR. okay good I wasn’t tripping. I think the black paint here is for Shadow. And since its Link doing this, I think that it is proof that its not just Vio who wants Shadow back but rather All the colors.

footnote 95: callbacks to all the training flashbacks of Link and his father, I think

footnote 96: Ravio says that Four does not fail, and then the footnote is a flashback of him failing to exist after merging back together for the first time. short king stay winning

footnote 97: MINISH CAP MENTIONED. but also ‘happy and warm and safe and red’.... more Red imagery

footnote 98: I think this must be shortly before the adventure begins. Link isn’t split, but he knows that he is able to. So it has to be after the Four Sword is removed from the seal, but before the journey starts else he’d probably be addressed as Four here.

““But we keep going there, so it’s not entirely out of the running?” Warriors asks, trying to make sense of the plot. / “It wasn’t, but it is now.” Ravio sighs. “Dink isn’t sending you there, he isn’t going there if he can help it. The risks far outweigh the benefits.”

refer back to my deranged ramblings about Dink losing a smidgen of control of the situation in regards to this quote.

footnote 99: More wondering of how Ravio learns there’s 5 instead of 4. It’s not mentioned in the Palace of the Four Sword as far as I’m aware

footnote 100: again I am pointing at my deranged ramblings above.

footnote 101: In comparison to Green wanting to get it over with, Link being entirely in agreement to split again here is important. The seal will hold for years, they have time to exist. Why spend that time needlessly suffering?

footnote 102: I would ALSO like to know what happened to the Four Sword Ravio. also cute nickname hours and domestic color times.

footnote 103: MINISH CAP CALLBACK to Zelda and Link being childhood friends. It’s also a FS manga callback but shhhh

““The fate of the Four Sword is not relevant to the mission at hand… Captain.””

The hesitation here. I think it means something. I feel as if its to be directed at someone else (maybe Vio?) that this point of the story isn’t important yet.

footnote 104: And here’s the distinction between Four and the colors, in the 14 links guide.

footnote 105: Green is not Diet Link and we all will die on this hill

“One revelation at a time, Ravio chips away at the stone of Vio’s heart.”

More earth elemental imagery for Vio

footnote 106: (we did it we made it to the last one holy shit.) and of course the last footnote is domestic color moments, and its just… so bittersweet.

““Hey Vio? Can you finish this for me?” Ravio calls him back to the real world. He’s kneeling over a small pile of books, pointing to the righted bookcase by the front door. “I need to check on someone.””

This is absolutely done on purpose. “Between History of Masks and Hytopian History of High Fashion, entirely unassuming, is Cia’s spellbook.” There is absolutely zero way that this part, getting Vio to see Cia’s book here, was not intentionally orchestrated by Ravio.

“What this Palace could be Vio has no idea, yet he thinks the answer to both questions might be one and the same.”

alright we did it. we finished the play by play. a few wrap up thoughts and then class is dismissed.

ranking my theories based on how probable I think they are.

1: Shadow is the one at the forge.

2: Wind and Green’s animosity is going to become a key point later on.

3: The ‘he’ mentioned in Ravio’s letter to Vio is Shadow.

4: The ‘he’ mentioned in Ravio’s letter to Vio is Wind from after the War of Ages.

5: Future Vio is the one at the forge.

6: Future Vio is being assisted by future Wind at the forge.

7: Cia’s spellbook is going to corrupt the colors, leading to the versions of the colors that Legend fights. Could possibly be an alternate timeline

8: The Palace of the Four Sword was put in the Dark World by malicious forces to keep the chain from getting something important out of there.

overall this chapter absolutely demolished my mental state metaphorically and literally. revision glowmin will return at a later time to maybe make this more coherent but I unfortunately sold my braincell already. i heart adjuration but it needs to start paying rent.

#glow whispers and junk #this is an adjuration #im normal about this i swear i promise im normal about this #i might tidy this up later but... i needed to get the thoughts out #final wordcount is like 8k. christ

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catholic-character-tournament · 1 year

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Round 3 - Catholic Character Tournament

Propaganda below ⬇️

Gabriel

Well he's an angel so I'm taking him being catholic as canon. There are a lot of themes in the game that point to catholisism specifically.

He's so fucking funny. he listens to nine inch nails and quotes one of the songs in a fight basically "fight me like an animal". he and v1 kind of have this yuri thing going on. he has an official bodypillow. hes a metaphor for being excommunicated and no one gets him like me and my friends do

The *true* Catholic experience is leaving the church and having a gay awakening, ask anyone

its debatable if Gabriel truly believes he's "the one true savior" or is mocking the idea of it

ok im actually gonna write some gabe propaganda bc despite what you may expect from a game called ULTRAKILL theres a lot to be said about his character and how catholicism is represented

Gabriel is a genuinely caring person who struggles to square his desire to help people with his duty as an archangel. He's the only one in Heaven trying to make things better for those in Hell, but his faith is used to manipulate him into committing atrocities against the people he used to protect (see the "TRAITOR" mural in 4-2)

he only realizes his mistakes after losing everything and being sentenced to death, but he still decides with only a little time remaining to try and make things right. for the sake of spoilers i will just say that the measures he takes are... extremely drastic and very enjoyable. i just really like the idea that even facing the end of all living things, no matter how steep your crimes, it is never too late to fix your mistakes. you are never unworthy forgiveness.

hes also SO FUCKING GAY for this dumb little robot. it mauled him so hard he tasted his own blood and he fell in love right there. theres no way this guy has a normal healthy relationship to pain he is soooooooooo fucked. i love him. please vote for Gabriel "patron saint of gay lapsed catholics" Ultrakill !!!!!!!!

Shadow

In sonic destruction (the AI generated fan thing snapcube made a while ago) shadow was catholic or something which I think is reallyyyyyyy funny

Ok listen. I know this is a stretch but hear me out. He says “oh my God” in the Twitter takeovers so we know this is a possibility. I see him as a Christ-like figure because I saw his whole confrontation with Mephiles and was like “this is a thing that happened in the Bible??” and the pose Mephiles shows him in is literally like a crucifixion and Mephiles is meant to be a demon / false prophet reference. And also he’s called a demon in Shadow The Hedgehog 2005 then the guy who calls him that is like “I was wrong I’m sorry” and that also reminds me of a thing with Jesus in The Bible. But the biggest reason is his whole thing with Maria cause I think he’d come to earth and hear Ave Maria once and convert to Catholicism idk he’s like we’re comforted by a female familial figure named Mary sometimes called Maria?? And her color is blue????? Heck yeah I’m in because I Will Cry. Also feel free to share this as propaganda obv even if he doesn’t get in the bracket just. It’s funny.

I feel like he’d battle a lot with being seen or portrayed as a demon and how the aliens he’s related to very much look and act like demons idk lmao- and also I feel like confession would just be good for him I think he needs it for his mental health

There is a debate on the lovely website tunblr that Shadow T. Hedgehog is an allegory for Jesus Christ.

He is Jesus, idk what to tell you. He lived, he was sealed away, he was awakened again and deemed the ultimate lifeforms, he’s angry but not evil, does what he believes is best for people and the world at any given time. Total loser.

#gabriel ultrakill #ultrakill #cct polls #tumblr tournament #tumblr bracket #tumblr polls #polls #r3 #shadow #shadow the hedgehog #sonic the hedgehog

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sgt-morgan · 2 years

Text

The Test 🍼

Summary: Part 3 of the Robbin Trilogy uh oh… cardinal rule of premarital sex is wrap it before you tap it, but Robin and Matt seemed to have fucked that up.

Warnings: alludes to the adult tango, Robin cusses like a sailor, Childbirth, Labor, babies. AFAB and female identifying reader. Mentions of Jen Walter’s. No angst.

A/N: based on my bestie’s labor journey, yes we really did do some of these things, and yes, labor lasts forever.

Pt.1 Guessing Game

Pt.2 Robbin Bites Back

DD Masterlist

You couldn’t fucking believe it. You’d been with Matt for a good solid seven months. Seven months of joyful bliss with your devil man, your law work, and all your new friends (normal and vigilante). You had attended a wedding, (Marci made a lovely, if not very over the top bride. She was also surprisingly a great law partner.) you’d met your friends families (Moonknight has a very lovely kind of fiancé and a beautiful baby girl.), and you had even won a case or two. You’d really settled into your life in Hell’s Kitchen with Matt and things were really looking up. Until the vomiting started.

“Jesus Christ,” you groaned as Matt muttered something about blasphemy where he lay in your bed. You came back from the bathroom for what felt like the twelfth time this morning after puking your guts out. “If I puke one more time, I’m going to put myself out of my misery a la Dramamine OD.” Matt chuckled and opened the covers— and his arms — to receive your exhausted, wrung out, body.

“Baby, Stay home today.” Matt grumbles, placing a soft kiss to your neck, nuzzling in further.

“No way Devil boy, I got that deposition to look over for Jen Walters, and I need to find an expert witness for Kar-“ Matt covers your mouth lightly with his hand.

“You can’t do any of that while puking your guts out, and I can tell you’re about to do it again. Go see a doctor, then we can figure out work.” He released you just as you feel your stomach flop uneasily once more.

“Damn you and your uncanny ability to hear my stomach churning.” You grumbled getting up to go puke your guts out just as Matt suspected. “Fine, I’ll go see Claire, but you have to look over that thing for Jen. I’m being serious Murdock, and don’t make the excuse that I didn’t copy it over to Braille because I’m gonna text Karen about it!” You shouted in between bouts of vomit, listening as Matt got ready for work.

“I love how chill you are about working with my ex… Girlfriend?” You laughed through your vomit at the question in his tone.

“Oh Fuck you Matty, of course I’m chill. Batman can sleep with Catwoman and leave, but there will always be a Robin.” You puked again and rethought that metaphor. “Okay that Metaphor doesn’t really work because Batman and Robin aren’t fucking, but the idea stands.” Matt chuckles and comes into the Bathroom, now fully dressed for work. He kisses your forehead with a smile and hands you a cup of mouth wash. Once he chaperones you back to bed, he leaves. You settle into your nice, soft, silky sheets, about to let little sheep whisk you off to dream land when you realize something that was about to be very important in your relationships state of affairs. Your period is two weeks late.

“Fuck me ROUGHLY with a chainsaw, you gotta be KIDDING!” You whisper yell staring at the test with two little blue lines that is threatening to rock your world.

“Well, congrats I guess. I’ll set you up an appointment with the OBGYN.” Claire pats your shoulder and leaves the apartment, gently closing the door behind her. She leaves you with more questions than answers, but she can feel that you need the space to metabolize the very big pill you’re swallowing. That pill? You’re gonna be a mom. You’re gonna be a mom SOON. Not two weeks soon, but the ship has sailed, the die is cast, the nine month timer is ticking, and your good catholic boyfriend has yet to put a ring on your finger, and this baby is about to be born by way of Westeros (if you couldn’t tell by that I meant a bastard. It’s funny, laugh.). You hadn’t read the Batman comic for this, but you’re feeling like the joker had a good philosophical point when he decided that laughing at the void was his only option. So you visited Maggie.

You and your boyfriends mother, who was also shockingly a nun, got along like a house on fire. When at first your faithful boyfriend told you his mother was a nun you were very nervous, and super confused as to how that shit was supposed to fucking work. Then you met the woman, and my god did everything you knew about Matt Murdock make total sense. They were so similar. The way they wrinkled their nose when they smiled at you sarcastically. The way they always oriented in the direction of whoever was speaking as if projecting with their bodies that in this moment, your words were important because they came from you. The way they would silently say a prayer at random moments when they saw- or in Matt’s case heard or sensed- something they were thankful for; a cup of fresh coffee, kids resolving a fight without intervention, your laughter, the rain stopping right as they left a building. It was nice to see some of the clay that molded the man that you loved so dearly, to know where he was fired and glazed, and to be able to tangibly appreciate his very existence as if a work in a series of fine art. You loved it, you wondered if your children would be molded of this same clay, what they would pick up of your own.

“Hello, Robbin!” Maggie greeted cheerfully as she supervised playtime for all the kids running around the playground of the school. She loves her son’s girlfriend and her silly Batman nickname. She’s like a breath of fresh air, makes him take everything just a little less seriously. She’s exactly what he needed.

“Hey sister Mags! Uh so can I ask for some advice?” You plop next to Maggie on the bench and fiddle with your fingers nervously, which for Maggie, is an automatic red flag. In the time that she’s known her Son’s girlfriend, she had never been one to fidget nervously. She was always a commanding force of chaotic will. She thinks it’s what Matt likes best about her, so seeing this normally very confident woman fidget… she knew it was time to keep an open mind and an open ear.

“Of course, what’s my son done now?” Maggie chuckles, grabbing your hand and forcing you to stop picking at your fingertips gently.

“He’s knocked me up is what he’s done.” You mutter under your breath and Maggie freezes. “Now he’s stuck with me forever, and he’s gonna be mad, and he’s gonna freak out, and I’m gonna have to be a single lawyer mother that takes her baby to court.” You flop your head in your hands and start sniffling back tears and Maggie is almost too stunned to speak… almost.

“Well,” she starts cautiously, “ being stuck with you forever is Matt’s goal so I wouldn’t worry about that.” Your head snaps up, and Maggie smiles at you reassuringly, tucking your hair behind your ear. “Yeah, you heard that correct, forever was his goal so deep breaths there.” You chuckle and swipe a tear away. “Now, the baby, he’s gonna be thrilled… eventually. He’ll probably try something stupid, but he will come around. If he doesn’t? Well, there are four or five heroes, vigilantes, several lawyers, and one nun of course, that would kick his ass if he said he would leave you. That’s not gonna be a problem though. He’s gonna be thrilled. Don’t worry about it dear, you’re gonna be great parents.” You hug Maggie on a sob and let her hold you for a couple minutes. It’s nice, having a motherly figure who cares about you again.

“God, I’m really having a baby. I’m such an emotional little goddamn bitch now- Oop sorry sister.” You gasp. Maggie laughs and shakes her head.

“Don’t worry about it Robin, it’s fine. Better get back to the bat cave though, I bet you left the test sitting out on the counter.” As always Maggie was right.

Meanwhile back at the apartment…

“FOGGY!” Foggy was not accustomed to Matt shouting, not at that pitch at least. Foggy had heard him shouting in distress, in pain, in anger, but not this near giddy shout that he was giving off now. It shocked him so much he actually dropped the coffee he was pouring for Karen in the sink. Karen flinched as well, not being used to this suddenly excited and yet frantic shout. “Foggy! Come quick!” He heard Matt scrambling out of the bathroom and hitting the door frame in his haste. He met him halfway across the room with Karen not far behind. They needed to hear what this was about right away.

“What Matt! What!” Suddenly a stick was thrust in his hands and he looked a it befuddled. “What is this?”

“A pregnancy test! What does it say!” Matt frantically shouted smacking his friend excitedly on the shoulder over and over. Karen gasped? and foggy flinched flinging the test.

“Ew your girlfriend peed on this!” What Foggy didn’t realize, was in his childish disgust he flung the test right out the open window above the dumpsters.

“FOGGY YOU FUCKING IDIOT!” Karen shouted lunging at the test futilely as it flew out the window.

“SHIT!” Foggy yelled following her

“GODDAMNIT!” Matt cussed and the group all gasped again and Matt even smacked a hand over his gaping mouth in horror. Foggy stared open mouthed at the open window, and then at Matt. Karen nearly falls from the force of the gasp that just came out of her mouth. They stand in silence, all staring at each other for a good couple of seconds and then the room dissolved into madness.

“MATT WAS THAT BLASP-“

“IM SO SORRY! I HEARD PREGNANCY TEST AND I FRE-“

“HAIL MARY FULL OF GRACE THE LORD IS WITH THEE-“

The three of them stood in a circle gaping and shouting and gesturing in horror, before they all froze at the hysterical laughter from the woman they hadn’t realized during their slapstick venture had come through the door. There you stood as they all continued to stare slack jawed at you. You were laughing so hard you were nearly gagging. The force of your laughter caused you to collapse in a chair and you were clutching at your side, your face was cherry red and you had tears streaming down your face. “Foggy just- and Karen’s face- and Matt said-“ the next several sentences were stilted by laughter and cut off at the joint, but the partners of Nelson, Murdock, and Page understood that you had seen everything. “Oh god, oh god, I can’t breathe, I’m actually having an asthma attack.” You were coughing through your laughter, and the friends were now genuinely concerned. Matt got your inhaler from your bedside, vaulting the couch and flipping over the chair. Once you had calmed down, and used your rescue inhaler, the group stared at you with cartoonish eagerness- except Matt who was staring vaguely at your fridge and had his hands out at both sides as if he was finishing a vigorous Jazz routine- waiting for you to tell them the results of your test.

“So?” Foggy asked gesturing at you wildly.

“So what?” You gulped, now having your breathing under control.

“STOP BEING COY, ARE YOU PREGNANT WOMAN!?” Karen burst forth then slapped her hands over her mouth. “Sorry.”

“Oh, yeah.” You nodded casually, sipping from someone’s abandoned glass of water.

“WHAT!?” Three identical shouts came from them all at once and you nodded, still very casual, legs crossed waiting for them to figure out their next move.

“WELP! WE GOTTA GO!-“

“OH LOOK AT THE TIME! MARCI SHOULD BE-“ Foggy and Karen hastened excuses and lunged for the exit, grabbing coats and brief cases before slamming the door in a hurry. You could hear them talking in hushed panic whispers all the way down the hall. Matt however, was still frozen in shock. The house was so quiet you could hear a pin drop. It was almost physically painful to have your home, normally filled with so much laughter, become so tensely silent.

“So, I was thinking we move to my place? I got an extra bedroom. But honestly, I love your apartment, I practically live here. Maybe we look for a new place altogether!” Matt slowly creeped closer to you while you rambled. His head cocked hands spread and visibly trembling as he walks towards you like you were wounded and frightened animal about to bite. “Then we could always-“ Matt reached you and dropped to his knees, putting his head directly over your stomach and clutching his fists into the fabric of your sweater. You whimpered, stock still, not even daring to put your hands on his body. You sat in total silence for a couple seconds, until Matt started shaking. You felt his hands grip you tighter and his face nuzzle into your stomach. His tears were starting to seep through your clothes.

“I’m gonna be a dad! I can hear her! We’re gonna have a baby!” He whispered, and you beamed, starting to get teary eyes yourself. The previous tension wooshed out of the room, you relaxed.

“Her, huh?” Your watery chuckle making him hold you tighter.

“Yeah! Her!” He laughs joyfully, “A little girl, who is exactly like you. It’s gotta be. They say that girls are a reflection of their father’s sins, and I can’t wait for her to be just as difficult, and stubborn, and kind, and beautiful, and as crazy as you. You’re my favorite thing, of course I want more of you.” He grins, still crying. Vacant eyes roaming over where he senses your face to be, he puts a hand on your cheek.

“Well Murdock, you’re stuck with me.” You give a watery chuckle, and he beams.

“Good, my plan is working.” He placed a kiss on your head and you laugh.

“Oh?” You smile, wrapping your arms around his neck, snuffling away the rest of your tears and rubbing your noses together.

“Yeah, of course, I’ve got a ring in my trunk right now. I was gonna give it to you in two weeks, but why wait when you’re already giving me everything.” You gasp, and Matt stands, going to his trunk and pulling out a little black box. He opens it to reveal a dainty silver band that looked like flowers. The ring was beautiful, and you’re sure he picked it by touch alone so he could fell all of the intricate details. “So, what do you say?”

“Oh my God Matthew, of course!” You giggled, and another wave of tears hit as you kisses him with all the passion you were capable of. You were enjoying your moment of bliss, until you were interrupted by a tell-tale thump against your front door.

“Oh yeah, Karen and Foggy were eavesdropping.” He grinned and you both chuckled. “You can come back in now!” Matt called, and your door burst open revealing a very excited Karen and Foggy were waiting.

“Oh my god, this is the best day of my life.” Foggy was misty eyed, and you couldn’t help but laugh.

“Oh my god man, are you crying?” You laugh a bit as everyone begins to trade hugs and congratulations.

“Yeah! My best friends are getting married and having a baby! Why wouldn’t I cry?” He tried to snuffle back his tears and you hugged him fondly.

“Oh Foggward, you’re gonna be such a good Godfather.” You sigh, and the news of him being the godfather made him promptly burst into tears.

Matt was a saint. He attended your every need. You never had to worry about your craving foods being easily accessible, the fridge at your house and at the office was fully stocked. House hunting? Handled. There was a cute brownstone near the office and the parish that he snapped up right away. It had plenty of room for more kiddos, and it had a window in the attic so he could sneak out on his Devil adventures without a hitch. Body issues? Not with Matt you don’t. The bigger you got, the more feral he seemed to get. He couldn’t seem to keep his hands off you, you were like a precious jewel, and he wouldn’t let you forget. (And if you had to guess, it was most likely some sort of breeding kink, but who were you to judge.) As the months rolled on, you got bigger, your mood swings got more intense, and the sass you were slinging the entire time was unmatched, but he handled it like a champ.

“Matthew Michael Murdock? Tell your little parasite to calm down with the morning sickness, or I swear to god I’ll puke in your shoes.”

“Mathew? Our Xenomorph is dancing on my bladder. I’m gonna need you to start doing some of the parenting here, tell her it’s my bladder not Prom.”

“Listen buddy, I know you Murdock’s got the Devil in you or whatever, but if this child keeps moving while I try to sleep? I’m gonna call an exorcist.”

Even with all of that, Matt always shrugged it off with a smile, and whatever solution he could. The baby was already a daddy’s girl, and when Matt found out you really were having a little girl? He became even more obsessed. He constantly talked to your bump, touching your stomach anytime he was near you and relishing in the way your two steady heart beats thudded strongly against his hand. His voice was like some kind of magic spell, whenever he talked to you or your bump, whatever ailment your daughter was causing suddenly subsided. When the baby started kicking? He was glued to your hip. The first time she did it, you were laying on the couch, reading over some court case. Matt was pacing the room, practicing his opening statement for the next day, until your shocked gasp cut him off.

“Baby?” Matt called out, startled and suddenly terrified.

“Matty! Come quick!” You waved him over even though he couldn’t see, and he rushed to you, afraid something was seriously wrong. Then you grabbed his hand and placed it on your stomach and-

“Oh! Oh wait!” Matt was suddenly an eager child, giddy and vibrating under his skin like he was just given the gift he was excited for for Christmas.

“It feels so weird, but there she is!” You giggled, I’ve felt her a couple times, but it’s never been strong enough for you to feel it, or I don’t know? Super senses and all maybe you could? Doesn’t matter. That’s out baby Matt!” You grinned with tears brining in your eyes, and Matt beamed, pressing a kiss to your belly, and then your lips lovingly. Yeah, he was gonna be a great dad.

You weren’t prepared to become the most protected woman in the city, but when the other vigilantes of New York caught wind of your pregnancy, you constantly were being tailed by one superhero or another. You asked Moonknight’s baby mama? Fiancé? You weren’t sure, but they were a thing. Anyway, you asked her if this was normal, but of course, she was also a vigilante, so naturally she didn’t need as much supervision in the eyes of her peers. No matter where you went, at whatever time, there was always one hero handy to make sure nothing was too strenuous for you. Frank Castle ‘running into you’ at a grocery store and helping you carry home your groceries (you had made up since the taser incident, and had since become great friends)? Your Friendly Neighborhood Spider-Man dropping down to walk you home from work (you now lovingly referred to Peter as your eldest child, Matt resented this a bit, but you found it hilarious)? None of these were off limits, and they had all happened on multiple occasions. Hell, even Deadpool had made an appearance a time or two, bringing you snacks or a good joke. You always had an escort, you always had a kind ear, and you always had someone to carry heavy things. While that was great and all, if you didn’t get some alone time? Real, actual, alone time? You were gonna wipe the city of its hero population.

“Mathew!” You shouted when you got home, and Matt winced. He could feel you slowly getting annoyed for days now, and he knew what it was about. He hadn’t asked all of your friends to look out for you like this, they all just sort of… did it, and while it for sure made him feel better, that didn’t mean he couldn’t see how annoying it could be.

“Yes love of my life, mother of my child, Angel on earth?” He beamed and he could tell you rolled your eyes.

“Cut the shit Devil Boy, if I don’t get some alone time here soon? I’m gonna crack.” You sighed, flopping into your couch with a sigh.

“Ok.” Matt shrugged, standing and grabbing his coat from the rack and toeing on his shoes.

“What?” He could sense your adorable pout and shrug, and he shook his head with a laugh. “That’s it? You’re just gonna… go?”

“Yeah, I’ll go to the office, finish up my case work, and head back home with dinner in a couple hours. That ok?” You gave a tiny delighted gasp, and Matt could smell the salt of your tears. Had he misjudged?

“You’re so good to me.” You blubbered a bit, and Matt chuckled. Ah, Hormones. “Thank you, I love you so much, and I love our friends so much, but I really wanna be alone for a minute. I don’t know, it’s all so overwhelming, and I love you so so much, don’t get me wrong, it’s just-“

“Baby, you don’t have to explain. You’re not even alone in your own body right now. Of course you’re overwhelmed, of course you’re feeling overcrowded. You don’t have to explain to me. I know you love me, I know you love having me around, but if you need a moment to yourself. That’s fine.” He sighed, rubbing your back gently.

“You’re my favorite person.” You mumbled, kissing his cheek affectionately. “I Love you more than anything.” You place one on the opposite cheek, “You’re the other half of my soul.” You kiss him on the mouth, “Now leave me alone.” You mumbled still pressing up against his lips, and Matt laughs, grabbing his cane and heading out for an hour or two.

When he returns, there is gentle music coming from the baby’s room. You had been working on the room a lot lately, from what he’s heard from Frank, it’s called nesting, and it was your minds way of preparing your brain for another human to enter your space. He loved listening to you work in there. You always were mumbling to yourself while you painted, or folded tiny clothes, or cleaned. The furniture had all been put together, a baby gift from Frank, Wade, and Peter, who broke into your house one afternoon, built it all, and left a Polaroid of them putting it all together on your fridge. It was a sweet (if not slightly creepy,) gesture that you were both very grateful for. In fact, the whole room had been littered with little gifts and sweet gestures from your friends. Toys, photos, diapers, clothes, they all have a little something, and it made you both smile thinking about how loved your baby already was before they were even born. Matt began to search for you, and when he found you, you were sitting in the rocking chair in the nursery, fast asleep, and clutching to a stuffed elephant. He smiled, you were so adorable, he woke you, made sure you ate, and then tucked you into bed. You were gonna be a great mom, he just knew it.

Months dragged on, your baby grew bigger, and as was always the case with you and your wonderful Devil man, nothing, not even the birth of your child, could go as planned.

You were at home when your water broke, blearily trying to make yourself some tea to calm your spasming muscles that you believed to be Brackston Hicks. Instead, you were now standing in wet socks, tired, scared, and in pain. So, naturally, the first thing you did was call Matt, but your heart sank to your stomach when you heard his phone announcing the caller ID from the bedroom. Well, Shit. He was still out patrolling, he never has his normal phone when he’s patrolling. So, you called his emergency cell, and to your horror, a random woman picked up and told you she found it abandoned on the sidewalk. Double shit. Your next call is Claire. Claire is easily the most collected person you know, and should be able to help you with all the baby stuff too.

“Hello?” She answered blearily, and you could hear the busy rush of the hospital in the background, must be a busy night.

“Claire!” You sigh, relieved, and Claire’s voice takes on a greater modicum of interest.

“Robin? Is DD ok?” She asked with urgency, and that’s when the water works start.

“I don’t know! My water broke and he lost both his phones!” You cried again, and you could almost hear the frustration pouring out of her ears like steam.

“Ok! Stay calm Robin, I’m gonna call Luke and Frank. They’ll get started on finding Matt. You call Foggy and Karen to come get you, and I’ll meet you at Metro General.

You nodded and sighed as your muscles gave you a slight reprieve. “Ok, ffffffuck, shit. Ok. Yeah, I can manage that.”

“Ok, good. See you soon.” She hung up, and suddenly, you were scared all over again. So before you could break down once more, you called Karen.

“Robin? Is everything ok? Is Matt ok?” The water works started again and you felt like an idiot.

“I-“ you hiccuped and groaned as another contraction started. “I don’t know! He lost his phone! I’m in Labor! I’m terrified!” You cried.

“Oh shit, Tell Robin I’m going out now. I’ll find Red and bring him home. The spider kid will get to her before you will. I’ll shoot him a text ok Kar? Tell Robbi-“ you’re shocked to Hear Frank Castle’s voice followed by the sound of a kiss, but you’re too distracted by the pain to do much about that hot goss anyway.

“Frank, we’re on speaker.” You hear your friend huff.

“Ah, well. Robin, I’ll go get Red ok? We’ll get this fi-“ an explosion then proceeds to rock the city.

“SHIT!” Frank curses, you cry harder and Karen gasps. “Ok, well, found him. I’ll- I’ll call the Moonknight guy and Luke.” Then you hear the sound of Frank’s boots pounding on Karen’s hardwood.

“Ok Robin, I’m on my way. Don’t freak out. Matt may not have even been there yet, but the good news is regardless of what happened we know exactly where he’s gonna be, and Frank, Deadpool, Luke, and Moonknight will find him. I’ll call Foggy and we will come get you ok? Open the door for Peter when he gets there. You got this.” Then silence filled the line again.

You then proceeded to pace around your house. You took a shower, you packed a bag, you grabbed baby’s first outfit. You were doing ok. Around when you were trying to pack Matt’s clothing, Peter got there and you almost collapsed with relief as you heard him pound up the stairs.

“Robin!” Peter heaved as you opened the door. He looked like he sprinted here. It had literally been thirty minutes. “Oh, hey!” He saw you start to cry again.

“My god labor made me a little bitch.” You whimper, letting the superpowered teen comfort you, then you sniffled, and amended your thought. “Actually? Fuck that. I’m in labor, and my husband is probably flipping around an explosion, I’m not crying ENOUGH!” Peter continued shushing your tears and rocking you back and forth slowly, stunned.

“It’s ok Robin, I got you. Foggy and Karen will be here any minute. Let’s get you down stairs ok?” He went into your room , grabbed your hospital bag, then helped you waddle slowly down the stairs. You had to sit on the landing when another contraction hit, but you finally made it out the door just as Foggy and Karen pulled up.

“Hey! Robin! It’s all good!” Karen and Marci rushed to your side, Foggy sat in the car, anxiously flexing his hands on the wheel. “Ok Pete! We got her, you can go help look for Matt now.” You heard Karen whisper as Marci ushered you to the car.

“Ok, Foggy, let’s go.” Marci said, slipping into the front seat while Karen volunteered to sit in the back with you.

“God!” You whined as another contraction hit.

“I’m so pissed!” You yelled. “I told him I’d be fine, to go out, it was just Braxton Hicks, I couldn’t POSSIBLY be going into Labor! It’s too goddamn early!” You groaned and squeezed your eyes shut, squeezing Karen’s hand so hard, she thought you’d break her whole arm. “Then, he looks at me, he looks and says ‘No Robbin! It’s fine! Better safe than sorry!’ Then I, like an absolute fucking moron, told him to go! It couldn’t possibly be that bad! If it is labor, I’ll just call! Then he looses his fucking phone! This blind, back flipping, latex wearing, moron, has never once lost his goddamn phone! THEN on the ONE and ONLY NIGHT I NEED TO CALL, HE FUCKING LOOSES IT!” You let out a shout, and Foggy can’t help but giggle, and Marci and Karen look halfway there themselves. “Oh yeah! Laugh! Laugh at my misery! It’s fucking hilarious! I can’t find my blind vigilante husband, I’m in premature labor, and some fucking moron just bombed New York! Real hysterical!” They sober up pretty quickly after that.

When you arrived at Metro General, Claire was waiting with a wheelchair and your OBGYN. “Oh thank fuck.” You mutter, flopping into the chair, “please, proceed to the room and pump me full of drugs doc, I’m miserable here.” Your OB laughs, and pats your shoulder.

“You got it mama. Where’s dad?” She asks kindly, and you start to tear up again.

“We-“ you gasp a sob, “We don’t know!” Claire and the OB give each other an ‘oh shit’ look and nod.

“That’s ok! I’m sure he’s fine, things are hectic, but I’m sure he’s just caught up in traffic, lots of crazy stuff going on tonight.” Your doctor and Claire proceed to roll you into the elevator, and Karen follows close behind. “I’m assuming Ms. Page is coming in with you?” You mid, and Karen bids foggy goodbye, telling him to call Maggie and Frank to see if anybody has any idea about what was going on.

Labor takes forever. In the movies, it’s like a twenty minute gig. It’s all rush rush rush and then boom. Baby. But it’s just not like that in real life. Instead, you get to the hospital, your OB and a bunch of nurses hook you up to monitors, then they leave you the fuck alone. Sure, they come and check on you or whatever, but unless you’re dying, it takes a while, and other people got other shit going on in this hospital too. You end up sort of being glad you told Matt to go help. You’re just in labor, right now it’s all contractions, and napping, and ice cubes.

Claire and Karen are with you the most, and Marci keeps a running update on what’s going on with the bomb, and with Matt and the vigilante crew. Eventually they do anything and everything they can to distract you from your husbands absence. Foggy stops in every once in a while, and they all sneak videos of you too. There’s one where you’re on your laptop and Marci is on hers, you’re comparing notes for a custody battle you’re working on, and it’s the coolest shit Foggy has ever seen. You’re both sitting cross legged on your hospital bed, laptops sitting on your hospital bed tray. Marci is in yoga pants and Grippy socks she stole off a nurse, glasses perched on the end of her nose. You’re in a hospital gown, two blankets and a little Devil squishmallow (I’m talking about Dante btw.) sit in your lap.

“So, in cross-“ you take a deep breath and hold it, hissing out slowly through your mouth. Marci reached both hands across your screens and you hold on to her arms and groan a bit, then it passes. “Whoo, that sucked! In cross, you need to emphasize mom’s addiction problems, and her lack of treatment. Make them realize that while she may have money, and she may be the mother, her life style and unwillingness to get treatment for her alcoholism or take a simple drug test, makes her an unfit guardian.” This video becomes Foggy’s favorite talking point. He loves showing it to your clients to demonstrate just how committed you are to your practice.

You keep working as long as you can, when that gets too much, you end up playing a card game with all of them, and Karen takes an amazing selfie of you with an oxygen mask and a handful of ‘Cards Against Humanity’ cards. There’s also an amazing video of Foggy judging a particularly good hand. “For my next trick I will pull a blank out of my blank.” Foggy reads, and you instantly start cackling and slap down two cards. There’s a moment of deliberation, and then Foggy reads them out. “For my next trick, I will pull- hah!- Meatloaf the food, out of Meatloaf the man!” You all laugh and foggy picks up the next set. “For my next trick! I will be pulling an erection that lasts longer than four hours out of your mother!” You all laugh again, but when Foggy picks up the next set of Cards, he laughs so hard, he makes Marci read them.

“Oh my God!” Marci cackles, then reads the cards. “For my next trick, I will be pulling a Fetus out of My Vagina!” Everyone dissolves into uproarious laughter.

“No fucking way it says that!” Karen laughs and shows the cards to the camera.

“Well that wins.” Foggy groans, and you cheer.

“Haha! Even when in immense pain I still fucking win!” You say taking the black card and kissing it triumphantly.

It takes about two hours for Matt to arrive, and you’re only at four centimeters. You’re loudly complaining about it to Karen during a contraction when he does finally get there. “God Kar!” You snarl as another contraction hits you, thankfully, the pain has been dulled a lot by your epidural, but you’re still in pain. Your leaning on her standing up, Arms around her shoulders, head bowed as you try and rock back and fourth to settle the terrible cramped feeling in your vagina. “I swear to baby Jesus and the grown one too, if Mathew Michael Murdock misses the birth of our first child, he’s gonna be meeting the Lord a lot sooner than expected.” Pretty soon you hear a scuffle with nurses, and a bunch of people worrying about safety some man who looks injured. That’s when Matt rushes in, scratches all over his face, bruised ribs, and a cut over his eyebrow that screams ‘I was just in a burning building!’

“Baby!” He sighs in relief, throwing his cane to the chair in the corner and running to relieve Karen of your weight. “Oh baby! I’m so sorry it took so long! You were so brave!” You nearly collapse into a puddle of tears when Matt finally uses one hand to tangle in your hair and press you to his chest, while the other runs up and down the length of your spine. “We got everyone out, and everyone who can wait in the waiting room is waiting on your okay.”

“Oh thank god!” You cry in relief, pressing a kiss to Matt’s chest.

“No problem honey, you’re gonna have another contraction.” He sighs, clutching you tighter and sitting on the edge of the bed. You lean into him and he kisses over every available piece of skin he can get to.

Matt details for you how he heard a suspicious group talking about some kind of Blaze of Glory and followed them to the building that was eventually blown up. Supposedly, some sort of rival gang had learned of a cover business that their competitors were using, and they had just intended to burn it down, and hadn’t taken into account that there would be barrels of gasoline in the place, causing a mass explosion. Thankfully that building was empty at the time, but the two neighboring apartment buildings weren’t. He got blown back by the explosion, but he was relatively ok. He then details how he and the rest of your group of super friends pulled people out of the two burning buildings, and described for the police that this was not in fact an intentional binning of a city block, but an idiotic arson attempt. He also described in vivid detail how he panicked and sprinted across the city, almost taking out a little old lady and a stray cat in his haste to make it to you.

“Well shit, I never thought I’d be grateful for arsonists, but it not being a domestic terrorist is really comforting.” You mumbled as Matt lay with you between his legs. “I mean, it super sucks that organized crime in this dumb fucking city is so bad, but it could indeed be worse.” He huffed a laugh and discerned Claire’s annoyed eye roll from across the room.

Your labor ultimately lasted for about ten hours, six at home, four in hospital. The whole time it was going you were your snarky, unabashed self. Matt arriving seemed to be what pushed your labor into high gear, and it only took an additional two hours once he arrived for you to give birth. You were a non stop stream of expletives and gauge threats the whole time, and Matt was ever so happy to laugh at your bitching, and dish it right back.

“This sucks, should have known your kid would have a big ass head.” You grumbled at one point, kissing Matt’s hand as he brought you more ice cubes.

“Nah, the head is normal sized, it’s the horns that are giving you so much trouble.” You cackled and crunched the ice he spooned into your mouth. There was a nurse that looked almost terrified momentarily until she realized you were joking, and honestly you couldn’t blame her, New York had seen a lot of shit lately, Rosemary’s baby wouldn’t be too off base.

Matt at some point groans as you lean into his bruised ribs while you ride out another contraction. “Damn Murdock, what are you groaning about, it’s just some bruised ribs, I’m pushing a watermelon out of my vagina. Suck it up!” You lean away hastily, and check his ribs gently when the contraction ends though, and he just laughs.

“Sure honey, I’ll just keep my internal bleeding to a minimum.” He chuckles, kissing your hair, and pushing your hands away, not letting you fuss over him and insisting he was fine. You made Claire check him over anyway, turns out he had also ruptured some stitches. The other nurses were very concerned, but Claire brushed it off saying he was in a car wreck or something.

“Matthew Michael Murdock, your penis is allowed nowhere near my body ever again.” You groaned as you finally got to eight centimeters. Meaning it was time to push.

“Sure babe, we will revisit that sentiment in two months. You’re doing great.” He gently strokes your hair and grasps your hand as he listens to you give birth to your perfect baby girl.

Jacquline Marie Murdock, named in honor Matt’s late Father, was born at 5 am, was five pounds eight ounces, and had a full head of vibrant red hair. The nurse handed her to you and Matt beamed, but he seemed to be hiding something.

“What is it Matty?” You fret, pushing hair from his brow with gentle fingers as the nurse cleaned you up.

“Well, it’s just-“ he sighed and ran a gentle hand over her features, “will you describe her to me?” Your heart shattered. The nurses standing near by ushered the others back a bit so you’d have privacy, and you were so grateful.

“Of course Matt, I’d love to. She’s got your nose, and my chin, but if I had to choose who she looks most like, I’d pick you. No denying she’s all Murdock bub. She’s small, scrappy little thing, just like her mommy. She’s got these perfect lips that now at the top just like mine, and she’s got ten fingers and toes, her eyes are brown, just like yours, but the best part is her hair. It’s your favorite color, it’s bright read and curly, she’s perfect.” You sniffle, and look up at your husband in adoration, drying the tears that were now freely falling from his eyes. (If we’re honest, there wasn’t a dry eye in the room.) “Do you want to hold her?”

“Oh!” Matt’s eyes lit up, filled with awestruck wonder. “Can I?” You huffed a watery chuckle and helped him get situated with her in his arms.

“Of course honey, she’s yours. You helped make her.” When you said that, Matt looked as if you had offered him the moon on a string. She was the most perfect thing Matt had ever held, and you were so in love with the way he held his daughter, the look on his face that betrayed his every emotion, and it was filled entirely with love and wonder.

When you were finally resting, and the baby was getting checked over by the doctors,

Matt made his way back to the waiting room. The picture Marci took to show you showed a room filled with a strange assortment of heroes and civilians that honestly frightened the nurses until Claire calmed them down. Karen was snoozing in Franks lap, covered by his long trench coat. He had a hand in her hair, and a hoodie pulled up over his head to hide the giant bruises on his face. Pater was sat on the floor, back pressing into Maggie’s legs as he snoozed against the bemused nun. Foggy had his hands crossed on his chest like an old man, legs stretched out and crossed at the ankles. Luke and Jessica were sitting back to back, as Claire stitched a nasty cut above Jess’s eye. Steven, no longer in the Moonknight suit, had tossed up a peace sign and you could see his lovely wife waiving from his phone screen. Deadpool, wearing a red sweatshirt, jeans, and a surgical mask with his logo on it was laying in Peter’s lap flipping off the camera. Marci was smiling in the foreground of the selfie, and there was an actually traumatized nurse in the background who looked like she either wanted to call the cops, or make a run for it.

When Matt arrived, that hysterical tableaux was broken up immediately by grumbles, cut off snores, and squeals if excitement. “A healthy baby girl!” He beamed and the room erupted in excitement. When it died down, people said they’re goodbyes, and promised to come by tomorrow to meet the baby. Only Maggie, The godparents (Karen and Foggy), and their significant others (Marci and Frank) remained to meet the baby before they too headed home to catch some sleep. Matt lead them all to your hospital room where they were greeted by the sight of you snuggling a perfect baby girl. Your friends cooed over how perfect she was, and you all exchanged hugs and kisses and congratulations.

Karen was first to hold the baby, and Frank grinned as he looked down at the baby over her shoulder.

“Damn Red, you make some adorable ass kids.” He chuckled, smacking Matt on the back as he held your hand.

Next was Foggy, you and every woman in the room eagerly filmed Matt handing over the little girl to his best friend. After she was safely nuzzled in his arms, Matt threw an arm around Foggy and they both grinned. “Man, can you even believe these two Avocados turned out okay?” Foggy chuckled.

“I know man, we made it. We got some other strange things going on, but we made it.” Matt laughed smithing a hand over his daughter’s hair. The picture of him and Foggy was displayed proudly on Foggy’s desk.

Finally, Maggie held the baby, and she and Matt both cried. There were words there that they didn’t dare utter out loud, but when it came to the Murdock family. Other worldly senses could always say a lot more than words could. This moment was big for them, and when he finally whispered the baby’s name to Maggie, it felt like some sort of healing presence filled the room, and you could swear that Matt looked as if his whole world finally clicked into place when his mother told him how proud his dad would have been.

When the room had finally settled, and everyone had left to go get some sleep, you and Matt were left to your own devices. Your baby rested on Matt’s chest as you lay side by side in your hospital bed. He had one hand in her back, and another around your waist, and he focused on both of his girls steady, relaxed heart beats while you stared at her perfect face and stroked her chubby cheeks with gentle fingers. Then you stretched up to kiss Matt’s cheek with a grin, and lips still pressed to his head, you grinned and mumbled;

“Holy Parenthood Batman, we had a baby!”

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transboysokka · 1 year

Text

Chris watches Howl’s Moving Castle for the first time

* Another one I’ve heard mentioned a lot and know nothing about

* HOLY SHIT GIANT MOVING CASTLE?? idk what I was expecting

* Oh, so Howl’s a bad guy?? omg is he a werewolf I s2g if he’s a werewolf named howl…

* Claiming Sophie on behalf of the Trans Community

* Oh no is that him why is he dressed like some anime guy, he reminds me of the beast in beauty and the beast after he turns human. Is this a beauty and the beast adaptation??

* Don’t let him seduce u Sophie be strong!!!

* I do love the wild fantasy elements of all of these movies, and this one feels like it’s gonna do some worldbuilding. Into it.

* What is with these movies and creepy old ladies?

* NO THATS SOPHIE WTF

* I do think maybe I have a weird phobia of old people? Wild way to find out

* Jesus Christ I just know that scarecrow is alive

* Oh maybe not

* JESUS

* Aw he’s so sweet

* This studio loves to animate flying things and old ladies. But hey, this is the first one I’ve seen that doesn’t start with someone moving somewhere new, so we’ve got that going for us

* Lmao the scarecrow did bring her a house

* This castle freaks me tf out and I haven’t even seen inside. Real Baba Yaga energy

* Bye Turnip, what a cutie

* Okay so the fire is a cute lil guy

* Magic door? Into it. So where is she really and why is it so Cottagecore

* “Calcifer said I could come in” “I did not!”

* That bacon looks so good and I don’t even eat bacon

* I love the idea of something being built into a spell to keep you from telling anyone about it

* I love calcifer and I love Sophie’s dynamic with him

* Turnip is back, yay!!

* I bet he’s under a curse too

* I wonder if he’s the missing prince!!

* I could probably paint that lake

* DONT LIKE THE WEIRD FLYING HOWL BIRD WTF

* I’m really intrigued by him as a character though

* omg that’s Christian bales voice as howl lmao no wonder these dubs are so uncharacteristically good

* omg I’m looking at the English cast kw this SLAPS

* goddamn am I having gay thoughts about a weird anime guy noooo

* I’m crying why does howl have to be such an ugly dog

* how does the Lauren Bacall witch fit in that little carriage thing if she’s so huge, I swear this is one of the funniest movies I’ve seen in a long timd

* ok but I still don’t really get why Sophie had the spell cast on her in the first place, she wasn’t bothering nobody before

* I’ve gotten some antisemitic vibes from characters in other ghibli movies so far and I’m not a huge fan of the fatphobia with the villain, I just gotta say

* Lmao the dog isn’t even howl?

* wait why tf does the castle have a mouth

* why is the bad witch tagging along dump her ass

* So Sophie is young when she sleeps? I don’t get that

* Ok…. So she’s just…. Young again?

* Creepy?? Toy cave??

* Wtf why are these movies so confusing

* I might be imagining it but Sophie does seem to be gradually getting younger

* I love how gung-ho Howl is about his family and his house. Love that in a man.

* Found family themes just Get Me, u know?

* On one hand I don’t Get What’s Happening with the war, but also… I Get this movie

* Also still don’t get the aging and de-aging and I’m not sure if it’s only supposed to be metaphorical or what

* So… why did he eat her hair??

* I gotta say that I love that the only sound the ugly dog makes is us a dry cough

* Maybe the dog is called heen bc he has chicken feet and heen is like hen

* DONT EAT THAT GLOWING ORB HOWL

* yeah I have no idea what the fuck is going on right now

* Wtf howl is just… right there?

* Why was his heart even gone in the first place? Seems like he had it the whole time anyway. Did he know calcifer had it? Like I really don’t get any of that

* TURNIP IS THE PRINCE I CALLED IT

* Lol why is Sophie his true love

* And now they’re just gonna end the war???

Okay that was definitely more fun than any of the other ones I’ve seen so far. CONFUSING AS FUCK like I don’t get it at all but it was really fun. Really funny, with GREAT characters, and I was loved Billy Crystal Fire Guy, so glad I happened to watch the dub.

Also I can’t explain it, but this one is just For The Gays

I’ll watch Princess Mononoke next

#ghibli

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neiptune · 2 years

Note

hellaur for ur lovely event could I pls req

“This is the first time I’ve felt the need to confess.”

with itto if possible? I know genshin isn’t in the fandom list but I’m rly rly obsessed with him rn 🥹🥹 (also u love me right)

take ur time and thank uu <3

arataki itto x this is the first time i've felt the need to confess

warnings: mentions of alcohol

a/n: you're special enough to get a special itto piece <3

The first thought that crosses your mind is that it feels sticky. Not figuratively, because air can't actually be sticky, but metaphorically it absolutely feels like you've just stepped into some icky environment where the only air you can breathe is thick and gooey and disgusting.

The music and chatter are so loud you clench the plastic bag filled with the stupid chicken empanadas you've let Yoimiya, your roommate, convince you to bring to the stupid party you didn't even want to go to in the first place. She, on the other hand, seems ecstatic as always. The energy she carries around never fails to match the environment she finds herself in and her bubbly personality is the perfect match for rooms filled with obnoxious, loud, excited people. Like the one you're currently in.

“It was so nice of him to invite us!” she happily looks around and waves to a stranger or two as your nose cynically scrunches up.

“It was nice. We didn't have to accept” you grumble, mindlessly leaving the plastic bag on a kitchen counter filled with bottles, toppled red cups and chip crumbs. Even this room is filled with people, which is enough to make you attempt a deep breath to swallow your anxiety. Small apartment plus hordes of guests is one of the worst equations you can be part of.

“But he wanted you to come so bad” she grins, casually diving one hand into one of the colorful bag of snacks abandoned on the table.

“It was a guilt-ridden invitation. He knows he hasn't done shit for our group project and still managed to score a good grade”

“Thanks to you”

“Thanks to me, Sara, Kazu, and Thoma”

Yoimiya impatiently rolls her eyes.

“Okay, but he was still nice enough to invite you to his party. This could be our chance to meet new people!”

“Christ, just go tell the Kamisato siblings you have a crush on them so we can leave”

Your best friend opens her mouth to protest, cheeks already flushed, but is interrupted by both the laugh you huff and a boisterous voice from behind you that makes you jump.

“You came!” Itto cheers, crimson eyes boring into yours and smile so wide you're almost tempted to reciprocate right away.

“Thanks for inviting us” you feel yourself sound so proper and polite you suddenly wish Sara could've been there instead of having to surrender to the supid flu. She would've pinched you.

“Nah, don't mention it! What can I get ya?” Itto is so tall and broad he's basically hovering above you but he has this weird, affable aura that never once makes him intimidating. He'd meet someone and become their friend in the span of 30 seconds, something very similar to what had happened when you were assigned to the same group project. He had arrived at the campus library, cracked one joke, offered to get everyone coffee to apologize for being late and boom, he instantly became everyone's favorite person (an outrage, given that you, Thoma and Kazuha grew up together and Sara is one of your closest friends). What makes it worse is that it's impossible to dislike him because he's so irritatingly genuine. Not an ounce of deceit in that gigantic body.

“Thanks, m'good” you mutter.

“If you don't drink there's a bowl of virgin sangria” he hasn't looked away from your eyes once so you nervously shift your weight from one leg to the other. Yoimiya has disappeared god knows where, your guess is she's on a mission to grab enough mojitos to muster the courage to introduce herself to Ayaka by the end of the night. It'd be about damn time.

“Okay”

His smile is blinding as he reaches across the kitchen counter to fill you a glass. He's grabbed a proper one, not one of those red plastic cups.

“Thank you” your fingers graze his as you accept the glass. They're cold, must be why you shudder. Does he ask someone to paint his nails black or does he do that himself?

“So, uh, how come the rest of our group couldn't come?” he's invited everyone, of course he has. It's hard to ignore the way your stomach contracts at the way the words our group leave his mouth. It sounds good. It sounds non temporary. It sounds threacherous.

“Sara's sick, Kazu and Thoma are having one of their dumb gaming nights”

“Right!” he laughs another one of his overexcited laughs “their channel's so cool!”

Cool isn't exactly the word you would use but it is kinda cute how thrilled they get whenever they receive a donation or a nice comment. They also get their fair share of indecent proposals, an information you often enjoy using for teasing purposes.

“They'd be happy to have you as a guest” you take a sip of your drink and the sweetness of the cranberry juice burns your throat a little.

“Would you be there too?” now that's one malicious smirk, sharp but cute canine teeth in plain sight. Fuck.

“It's not really my thing” you attempt to brush the question off with a nervous chuckle. He opens his mouth to respond with god knows what charismatic comeback but, thankfully, he's interrupted by a clearly drunk Gorou who materializes next to him and places a small hand on his massive shoulder.

“M'looking for more shrimps” he leans into his arm and hiccups. Itto rolls his eyes with fake annoyance but you can read the fondness in them.

“Whatcha gonna do with shrimps?” he politely asks, foot tapping impatiently.

“Did I say shrimps?” Gorou chuckles to himself "I meant drinks"

You seize the opportunity to sneak out of the kitchen and dive right into the living room and its throng of guests. Catching a glimpse of Yoimiya sitting on a couch next to the Kamisato siblings makes you smile, but you don't let yourself get distracted and keep marching towards your (hopefully) oasis of fresh air and muffled music: the balcony.

As you close the sliding door behind you, the cold breeze feels like a balm on your feverish skin. You quite literally sink onto the orange bean bag and take a deep breath, fingers clenching the glass still in your hand. Okay you might, perhaps, have a small crush on the tall, broad, popular idiot. You might think the red makeup that extends from his upper eyelid to this lower one is attractive, you may wonder if his silver hair is as soft as it looks, and it's possible that you have asked yourself how his arms would feel under your fingertips, how his muscles would contract if you so much as grazed—

“Nope” you grumble to yourself and promptly take your phone out of your pocket, tapping your dating app open right away. It hasn't worked wonders for you (yet) but it's a nice diversion and some guys are entertaining enough for you not to want to stick a fork in their eye. Not immediately, at least.

“6'3 my ass!” the proximity of the woefully familiar voice makes you jump but Itto doesn't lose his composure as he rubs his chin, eyes skeptically scanning the bio of the red haired guy you didn't actually want to swipe away.

“What?” you're appalled as he casually sits down next to you, back pressed against the sliding door, so close his knee is brushing against your thigh.

“He's lying. I can tell” he shrugs “why're you using that shit anyway?”

“You don't?” in an attempt to dodge a question that makes you appear equal parts lame and pathetic, you ask an even dumber one. As if he would ever need to.

“Yeah, sometimes. M'not really lucky though” he takes a sip from the beer can in his hand.

Huh?

“You're kidding” it's impossible to hide your skepticism and he smiles at your frown.

“I have a hard time dealing with women”

“There's literally a facebook group named after your abs”

He laughs at that, although it's a softer sound that surprises you.

“I know, I've been invited to join” his chuckle fades into a sweet smile, eyes suddenly avoiding your gaze “but doesn't really matter when you feel so inadequate, does it?”

The Arataki Itto feels what?

“Are you drunk?” you inquire and he glances at you again, making your heart skip a beat. You've never been close enough to smell his woodsy cologne before.

“It's true. I try to compensate, ya know, by being all loud and positive and exuberant but I hardly fit in and no one ever takes me seriously” he takes another sip from his can and then proceeds to slowly crumple it up in his hand “shit, s'weird. This is the first time I’ve felt the need to confess. Am I being too lame?”

“No” your reply is as quick as your pulse, although slightly quavering “I don't think you could be lame if you tried”

Itto's gaze softens as he lets it flicker from your eyes to your lips, as if to make sure you've actually uttered those words. He absentmindedly raises his hand to cup your cheek, brows furrowed in concentration as his thumb gently strokes the corner of your mouth to get rid of a pinkish droplet of your mocktail.

“So” he tilts his head as a curious puppy would, absolutely unaware of how dry your throat suddenly is “am I not lame enough to kiss you?”

#itto #arataki itto #itto x reader #genshin fanfic #genshin x reader #genshin impact #Itto fanfic #midnights event #I HOPE YOU LIKE THIS I'M SO STRESSED #never written anything about him so idk if you'll dig the characterization #did my best tho #this is my christmas & new years gift for you mwah

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carmenized-onions · 3 months

Note

Okay so I loved the last chapter (I was speechless)

The one before this I'd vented in the comments but now I'm like okay fine I'll do it is your asks AHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Black turtleneck, blue pants— To match the stupid fucking Executive Chef’s eyes, or whatever, shut up! The pants are not actually that bright, but you think they’d still pair well with Carmen.

SO CUTE I MEAN 😭

Yeah, fuck it, hard launch this situationship. You toss it over your shoulders. Okay, okay, one last last final fit check. Hm. Yeah, you’ve definitely gotta put the necklace away. You kiss the plastic pendant for good luck, before tucking it under your shirt. Not ready for that story, just yet. You will be, eventually. But you certainly don’t want Carmen to notice and ask about it. Soon, though. You will, soon.

AHHHHYH (CAUSE JACKET) AHHHHHHHH (PENDANT)

Alright, you know it’s not the shoes you’re worried about. Just get out the door, Chip. It’s gonna be fine, Chip. Dinner’s gonna be good, and normal, actually, because two people having their first real one-on-one conversation after their mutual best friend killed himself just under a year ago is historically always super calm and chill and normal, actually. That’s how that works. It’s not gonna be tense, at all.

Not tense at all :)

Syd puts a hand over her mouth, heavy exhale of laughter still escaping through her nose. Schadenfreude.

Okay I laughed for two reasons

1. I love Syd

2. She voices Envy in inside out and they were going to add a character named Schadenfreude who was going to have a German accent and chuckle (of course you know the meaning so I won't explain why chuckle lol)

“Don’t talk about your sex life like it’s a restaurant.” He waves his hand in the air, immediately regretting asking. Listen, it was just the first metaphor on the brain.

RICHIE ITS FUNNY YOU ASKED

Doesn’t make you a fan of the slicked-back hair look, though. That’s what made you yell— Like when a dog or a baby doesn’t recognize their parent. Like when Mikey shaved for the first time after you met him, and you considered him completely unrecognizable. You practically ignored him until some stubble came in. What did he expect?

Good. Mikey with beard >>>>>

Ew slicked back hair

You also just don’t like it. Clean-Shaved Mikey nor Hair-Gel Carmen. The pomade is overpowering your shampoo, and now he doesn’t smell like you. Doesn’t smell like him. His curls are all gone— Man, his pattern was just starting to revive, too. He looks just too clean, too cookie-cutter, too… Someone else. He just doesn’t look like— “No, Bear, you look good— I just— You look— Don’t look like the Carmy I’m used to, is all.”

He doesn't smell like you was so AHHHHGG

Doesn't look like "my carmy"😭

Who are you to tell him what he looks like? You don’t know why, but the energy today is just making you feel like… You’re intruding, you’re stepping in on a space that has nothing to do with you, but that couldn’t be further from the truth, right?

I WAS SO SCARED

“You’re certainly trying—” “You’re fucking this up tremendously.” At least Richie is honest, and usually you are too, but, when it comes to a trainwreck, you’ve gotta tell the train they’re doing a great job. You just can’t bear to let it know it’s on fire.

Yes you do 😭💀😂

When your glass of water starts to overflow, you take the pitcher from Fak’s hand so he can’t keep overpouring it in his fugue state. Jesus Christ, what happened in the kitchen? Who died? Actually, probably don’t joke about that.

Mikey.

Richie looks to you, letting you make the call, here. You look at him and sigh, your plan has been utterly ruined, your speech— Dashed. He adds. “Intermission?”

This is sweet

Carmen stops short of his aggression, when he sees you. You can’t tell if you like that. You’re pretty sure you don’t. What’s that stupid idiom? Mean to the world, good to your girl? Don’t like that. Don’t like two faces. Don’t like the shade on the old sandwiches— Mikey’s sandwiches, either.

I hate the mean to the world good to your girl thing like you can't ever tell who the person is

“Oh.” You take a beat, then remember this is what your job is, “Oh!” You feel around the pockets of your pants. Should’ve expected to bring a screwdriver, at the very least, it’s The Bear. Get with the program. The tools are in your car, to be fair, but for a quick simple check-up—

ITS THE BEAR CARRY A SCREWDRIVER SHIT IS ALWAYS BROKEN 😂

Jealous, is he? Oh, that’s cute. That’s very cute. He’s the one that said he wanted to host— Whatever, no time to tease or bicker, you’re pulling the oven out, trying to lift as much as possible with Syd’s help, to keep from scrapping tile, but it’s inevitable.

I laughed so fucking hard

“I already know what’s wrong with the oven.” You pull out your wallet, flitting through the bill fold with your fingers— You keep band-aids there, in case of emergency, because of course you do. Syd tries to tug her hand away, again. Her blood is rubbing onto your fingers. It’s not a big cut, but it’s enough. You can’t help remember the ye old days of you as teens, hearing about the concept of blood brothers for the first time, and genuinely considering going through with it. Funny what time does. Funny who it brings back.

Microwave expert Tony

“The Miles Morales feels racially targeted.”

I love Syd

“Love you, Inky.” Oh my God. Chippy’s a flashback, Inky is like a history textbook.

This is so so cute

“Love ya, Squid.”

I need a back story!!!!

You should put oven expert on your business cards, when you eventually get to making new business cards. This is like, the third oven fix you’ve done in two weeks? And you just changed a thermocouple a few days ago! It takes you maybe five minutes tops, to switch the old wire for the good one.

GO TONY EXPERT

When you push the stove back against the wall and test the burners— It works, thank God. You might’ve hyped yourself up a little too much before even checking that. Once you do, though, before even saying it’s fixed, Syd violently shakes your left shoulder, as a point of approval. Tina, on your right, slaps you on the back several times as her vow of praise, too. This is like riding a roller-coaster, and not in a good way.

PRIDE

You nod back, happy. You don’t wait for him to change his mind. You take one quick overview of their wine rack, noting what they do and don’t have, and then you’re off, out the door, to the front of house, to a warzone.

I love this so much (I probably had more thoughts as to why I copied this bit but I think I've forgotten the aggression)

The motherfucker at Booth Twelve sticks out like a sore thumb. There’s something about the aura he radiates, that tells you immediately that it’s him, despite not knowing his face or name. Bet it’s fucking Tony, somehow.

LMAO

He’s doing his best to peer into the kitchen window without being obvious about it, which, he’s currently failing at that. Richie sat his party in a good booth, it’s just the worst booth for a good view of the kitchen. Smart. This guy is an asshole, and it’s clear from his stupid equally punchable looking friends, that he’s doing all of this on purpose.

LOVE RICHIE

The big party, unexpected. The him, unexpected. The asking for a wine menu. He wants you all off guard, he wants Carmen off-guard, he wants Carmen’s breath to hitch, he wants Carmen to sweat, and most importantly, he wants to watch.

No but fr what an asshole

You stand in front of his view, on purpose. “Hi, pleasure to serve you lovely people tonight, I’m—” No shot you’re giving this guy your real name. “—Jack, I’m your sommelier. I heard you wanted to look over a wine menu?”

The Tony to Jack pipeline is real

“Well, actually, we don’t carry a wine menu because we at The Bear believe in a personally curated dining experience.” You don’t miss a beat, you don’t hitch, he hates this and you can tell. “I like to think that I’m your wine menu, flip through me at your leisure.”

THATS SUCH A LINE

Your eyes crinkle, as you do an expert customer service smile. This stupid fucking table laughs at the lukewarm joke, he just smirks, because rich men don’t have time for laughter. So, their cronies do it for them.

I love tony

Oh, that’s the one Carmen made for you, weeks back, you know that one. “Ah, one of my personal favourites. I’d recommend a young Pinot Grigio, maybe a 2006 Gravner?” How the fuck did you remember that? Doesn’t matter. What matters is this motherfucker is not getting under your skin.

YES GO TONY

“We have a fantastic Barolo Brunate to pair with that, Giuseppe Rinaldi 2019.” You have no idea if it’s fantastic. Who fucking cares. It’s expensive, you know that much. You only bothered to review the top rack.

YES AGAIN MAKE THE ASSHOLES SPEND

It does not end there. No, why would it? No, he and his compatriots go about naming every single fucking thing on the menu, asking you to pair it. And not to toot your own horn too much, but this is, really, the one job you feel the most trained to do. All those games with Syd, all those men at Eden’s, all the parts and tools and forty different types of wrenches you have to keep track of and memorized as a repairman— Your brain is trained for this. This isn’t easy for you, sure— But you are maybe more equipped for this than any other person you could possibly think of. Good think you don’t have to think of people, you have to think of wines.

I LOVE HER

But seriously the level of asshole

“I want him dead.”

Truth (let's kill him)

He daps you up, it is difficult to hide your pride. “That’s my fuckin’ Chippy!”

YES MAKE RICH ASSHOLES SPEND MONEY

“You didn’t see it?!” Carmen’s always liked it, when the two of you speak in unison. Carmen hates it, when you and Richie speak in unison. “You’d love it, Carm.”

JELLY

Despite the fact that both of you are just as nice as the other… This fucking guy is absolutely giving Richie more attitude, in comparison to you. You have a feeling the only reason he didn’t shut you down earlier with the menu is because you’re a hostess. Yeuch. Gross man senses are tingling, but maybe it’s just you.

Richie whispers to you, when you’re walking back to the kitchen, “He’s a fuckin’ creep, eh?”

Yikes 😭😭😭😭 men noticing it

You open the card, flitting vision between the dish, the note, and Carmen. Digesting the recipe he’s written for you and your eyes, only. He knew he wouldn’t have time to explain it verbally, so he wrote it down for you. You could throw up, honestly.

I could cry honestly (I was puking my guts out the night I read this)

…Did you just think love?

NO STOP

You already made your decision, when you saw the plate. When you read the note. When you saw the frantic scribbles at Carmen’s station, loose pieces of paper everywhere, all crumpled. He can’t come up with shit for the man in his head. You already made your decision, when the four other plates showed up on expo for his table, and all that’s left is the surprise dish, for The Man.

I cried so hard PLEASE NO TONY

You will not be eating the most perfect, most complex, most personal, most thoughtful thing anyone has ever made for you. The man out front, the man in Carmen’s head, will.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Syd was, though. She looks like a puppy watching another puppy get kicked. You swallow the feeling down, ignoring her stare. You don’t need to reread the card, it’ll stick in your head, for the rest of your life.

Plus she's got those big eyes so I bet she looks like a puppy 😭

“Lamb saddle, roasted, pink. Aigre-doux eggplant, means sour sweet sauce, with lamb confit, fresh spring garlic, Montmorency sauce— It’s a dark red cherry sauce, topped with cherries and baby basil.”

😭😭😭😭

You wouldn’t know any of the French terms, if they weren’t defined for you in the margins. There’s a parenthetical, next to the lamb— Mentioning that it’s roasted, explaining why saddle is a superior cut of lamb, noting why it’s best served pink— Mentioning that it’s similar to pork. Your favourite. There’re exclamation points next to the cherry additions, because it’s your favourite Italian ice flavour. They need to be emphasized, in the recipe. There’s another parenthetical, next to baby basil, ‘(yours)’. It’s your basil, from your balcony to his, now to his kitchen, now to your plate.

I COULD SOB REALLY

THE BASIL THE CARE

But he is. It hurts, because he is. Carmen is still under him, and so, you, being by his side, are under him too. You know you made the right call, giving the plate up, but the meaning behind it all hurts insurmountably.

😭

“Heard, Chef?” The crowd is confused but they’re not gonna stop you.

I laughed so fucking hard

Syd eyes you, on the sidelines, perplexed. You shrug, “You and Carmen are not the first people that tried to get this fuckin’ kitchen in order, check yourself.”

😂💀

You didn’t do all the French bullshit, but some days at The Beef definitely ran better when they had a former Lead EMT barking at them— With love, though. Always with love. Syd just laughs, shaking her head. It’s a delight, to always be learning new things about you. How overarching your handful of talents are. You really are a Jack of All Trades.

AWESOME

“Just, just kinda… Made fun ‘a—” Richie pauses, clearing his throat. “He made fun of my voice. To his fuckin’ friends. Called me unprofessional, said the suit’s prol— Probably a knock-off— Which, it is, but—”

DON'T BE MEAN TO RICHIE YOU'LL CATCH THESE HANDS

“I’ve been reading her Frog and Toad, almost every night, by the way, Mickey loves it.”

UM??????????

But there’s a handful of film photos with the two of you— Just the two of you— Richie’s in one or two, but it’s mostly just you and Michael. His arm, over your shoulder, in again, most of them. Mikey looks non-plussed in half of them. You’re always holding some sort of cupcake or cake, in all of them, and there’s always a numbered candle, being blown out. There’re a couple different times there’s a One candle, a few Twos, only one Three.

EXPLAIN

Carmen is going to fucking throw up. Why are there multiple ones? One week-iversary? One month-iversary? He has never imagined his brother to be some fucking sap sentimentalist, and it’s making his skin crawl. You dated his fucking brother? He is just a fucking gap filler, he is.

NO NO NO NO NO

I dont believe they dated at all

Max they kissed and it was one of those ewwww type kisses like kissed sure but there were no feelings so laughing it off and continuing to be best friends

You fucking trusted him with your credit score— You loved Mikey enough to ruin your life— You wanted to go under together. That’s what you fucking wrote, isn’t it?

Omg😭

I love mikey so much

Every fear Carmen ever had is more than affirmed. He is here to fill a void, he’s here because his brother isn’t. He is nothing but a series of stories his brother has told you, to you. Nothing but another Berzatto man that you desperately try to rehabilitate and fix and inevitably fail with, because they’re all fucking hopeless, before moving onto the next.

NO NO CARMY NO

Oh, so it’s a fucking Beef thing, too? That’s so fucking cute. It’s so cute, how you’re everywhere, in everything. It’s so goddamn tender how he finds you carved into tables, finds you in filing cabinets, finds you under his booths, finds you in his walk-in, finds you in his shower caddy each morning, finds you on his balcony in a plant pot, finds you in his fridge in a spray bottle, finds you with Syd, finds you with Richie, finds you with Tina, Marcus, Jimmy, Mikey.

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

Carmen Berzatto doesn't need anyone to ruin his own life except for him. He'll prove it.

CARMY NO WDYM

I do love this--- I will say, i promise I will always remember the context LMAO you don't have to copy the whole paragraph, but it's cute, i just feel bad clogging people's feeds AH

Thank you for being made speechless.

Always love making Tony's fits. Base them on my own, half the time. Turtleneck + palazzo goes HARD dude. Also his eyes or wtv.

Secretpendantsecretpendantsecretpendant

not tense at all.

I did completely forget Ayo voices Envy, but that is very fun in retrospect. Is that movie out yet? Cried like a motherfucker watching the first inside out, if they let me down i'll sue pixar

IF YOU ASK YOU GET AN ANSWER RICHIE!!

Genuinely, watching the S3 trailer and seeing Mikey no Beard just made him fully just Jon Bernthal to me and not the character he's portraying and I went WHAT THE FUCK IS JON BERNTHAL DOING HERE?

Slick back sucks. Burn it. I've gelled my hair back before, it just don't feel good. don't smell good neither DONT SMELL LIKE YOU!! dont look like her carmy!!

I do not think Claire is a great character for Carmen in the first place, but I also do think the way he acts like a completely different fucking person around his partner was SUCH a sign that that shit was not gonna work. NO FAKERS CARM!!!

I said before, I'll say it again, Fak, where are you. Mil for Mil this time bro. SQUARE UP!!!!

.....Microwave? let me make fun of you let me do it it's only fair i'm sorry

Can you tell me they WEREN'T targeted band-aids? Yes I know it's hard to see through the parchment, what's that got to do with anything.

The Squid/Ink backstory is so boring I promise it's essentially the same back story as me and my real life Cyd. You'll see.

Just yelling pride during pride month for the Syd Tina Tony moment did make me think you were decreeing all of them gay. And you know what. Why not.

I would like to state for the record, it's more like Jack to Tony-- Jack's the first nickname she was ever given. It's honestly more like Jack to Inky to Chip to Tony pipeline.... no one cares about this---

I'm glad the lines I intentionally write to be like mid like the flip through me still come off as very cool. Thats nice.

But yes yes yes, tony's a good egg when it comes to biting her tongue around these mfs

If Carmen just saw ratatouille he wouldnt need to be jealous frfr

gross man just dropped! GET HIM!!!

SORRY, YOU DON'T WANT ME TO SAY LOVE IN A ROMANTIC FIC? No problem. Let me just take it out for ya,,,, Ya want a pizza with nothin!!!

I wonder if anyone cried in the literal tears sense, reading this chapter. I don't think I got all the way there, yet. I don't know if that dog is in me or my writing. Though I try.

Syd's got probably the most shattering puppy dog eyes frfr. So much care in that dish. AGAIN THANK YOU LE PAVILLION I STOLE IT FROM THEM

AND THE CROWD GOES CONFUSED!!! But really Tony is a fixer and an emt, I can only imagine how much watching the way Mikey led stressed her the FUCK out she had to take a shift

I DIDN'T DO SHIT TO RICHIE THE GUY DID I JUST WROTE IT MAN OKAY

I will clarify: Frog and Toad, fully Nat saying that in the background. I simply did not make that clear enough apparently lmao.

I will also not explain any of the other stuff, though. TOUGH! (soon though, soon)

GIRL WHAT THE FUCK YOU THINK HE MEANS HE'S GONNA NUKE US ALL !!!!!

thank you for enjoying the chapter <3

#yapping #ask #navs-bhat

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goldenraeofsun · 2 years

Text

Day 5: A Perfect Disaster

The throbbing in his head wakes Dean up. He groans and turns over in bed, away from the sunlight attempting to sear his eyeballs through his eyelids. Every muscle in his body hurts. Christ, he’d forgotten what hangovers as a thirty-something did to him.

And Cas, normally the voice of reason, was all too happy to match him, drink for drink.

Before each new round came to their table, Dean kept thinking he’d wake up with maybe a mild headache and some nausea. A totally fine price to pay to keep the two-man party going. He’s such an idiot. It’s been a decade and change since he felt that good after drinking that much.

But why not go all in? He was back in Vegas, and he felt younger than he had in years, not thinking about work; not thinking about how he hasn’t been in a relationship in two years; not thinking about how full-time lawyer Sammy doesn’t need him anymore.

The last time he went this hard was the Winchesters’ last sacred annual pilgrimage to Vegas. That morning, 26 year-old Dean woke up single and ready to mingle and hit the tables by noon sharp, while Sammy prayed to the porcelain gods and regretted all his life choices.

32-year old Dean squeezes his eyes shut, just trying to breathe.

Oh, shit.

He doesn’t smell the crisp, hotel-friendly scent of newly-washed sheets. He smells sex.

One of his legs mostly hangs off the right side of the bed, so he tentatively feels around the other side, his stomach (not entirely metaphorically) lurching as he feels a warm, slightly hairy forearm beneath the covers.

Okay, so, he slept with a man last night. His ass actually isn’t as sore as it would be if he bottomed, so they probably didn’t go all the way. Probably too drunk.

Time to face the music.

Dean opens his eyes.

“Cas?” he gasps, his voice unexpectedly hoarse. He winces; he has always been pretty vocal during sex. God, if only he could remember it.

Cas’s eyes fly open. He yelps in surprise, does a full-body recoil, and nearly falls off the bed, but Dean tightens his hand around Cas’s upper arm and keeps him anchored.

“Dude, quit freaking out, it’s just me,” Dean says, trying to speak calmly while also trying not to throw up on Cas’s face.

Cas mumbles something along the lines of, “That’s what I was afraid of,” which can’t be right since Dean is his best friend, not a creepy weirdo with a fetish for computer system administrators who think bulky trench coats are the height of fashion. Plus, Dean’s a hot piece of ass. Cas would be so lucky.

Cas throws his free arm over his eyes. Without looking at Dean, he gripes, “Are you as hungover as I am?”

“Depends,” Dean says as he rolls over on his back in a poor attempt to stop the building nausea. “Do you want to die?”

“It depends,” Cas volleys back, “Can you do it painlessly?”

Dean’s temples pound like competing bongo drums. “Nope.”

“I guess I’ll live to see another day.” Cas shifts in bed, inching away from Dean, which, ouch. “So we slept together,” Cas says out of nowhere, since he never saw the reason in beating around the bush when he can barrel straight through it.

“Seems so.” Dean chances a glance in Cas’s direction, but Cas is staring up at the ceiling, not looking at him. “Do you remember it?”

“Flashes.”

“Same,” Dean lies. He grunts, half-raising himself onto his elbows. They’re in his hotel room, not Cas’s. “How about I get room service while you shower?”

Cas narrows his eyes. “Are you telling me I smell?”

“I figured you wouldn’t want to put on yesterday’s clothes over yesterday’s stink while doing the walk of shame,” Dean retorts, “but, if you want, I can kick you out, hog the shower, and eat all the bacon. ’S up to you, sunshine.”

Cas makes a scoffing noise as he pushes himself to a sitting position. “I can’t believe I forgot how much of an ass you are without caffeine.”

“Damn right. And proud of it.”

Cas's chuckle gets cut short as he raises a hand to his head. “You’re not the only one who needs coffee.” He gets to his feet with a groan more suited to an arthritic 80-year-old than a 35-year-old in the prime of his life.

Dean lunges for the phone, and thank god for room service speed dial. He orders two lumberjack platters.

From across the room, Cas makes a strange, strangled noise.

Goddamn peanut gallery. Dean flips him off without looking and orders an extra side of bacon for the Meat Man and a single cheeseburger for when the Hamburglar gets out of the bathroom. He hangs up.

“Dean.” Cas almost runs back to the bed.

Dean throws him a bemused look. “What now? Do you want a side of fries too? Or is my shower too good for you?”

“Shut up about the shower,” Cas says impatiently as he grabs a piece of paper off the top of the minibar. “Look.”

Confused, Dean takes the paper. Clark County, Nevada is stamped on the top right hand corner, with Certification of Vital Records in all caps at the top of the page. And on the next row down –

“State of Nevada Marriage Certificate?” Dean reads incredulously. His already-unstable stomach turns over at the familiar signatures at the bottom. “Is this real?”

Cas throws up his hands. “I have no idea! I’ve never gotten married before, and I’ve definitely not gotten drunk-married in Las Vegas before!”

“Well, I haven’t either –” Dean’s sentence stutters to a halt because he knows someone else who got completely shitfaced and hitched in Vegas. Someone who has his own notarized Clark County marriage certificate. Someone who Dean mocked endlessly about living the cliche.

Son of a bitch.

“This a perfect disaster,” Dean groans.

Cas’s mouth snaps shut, his face reddening. “It is?” he asks, and Dean has no idea how he maintains that imperious tone while this hungover.

Dean flops back down on the bed with a wordless noise that foretells a solid year of karma coming back to bite him in the ass.

Cas crosses his arms over his chest. “I wouldn’t call this a ‘disaster’.”

Despite himself, Dean smiles at the finger-quotes. “You sure about that, buddy?”

Cas scowls. “Annulments happen every day.”

Dean goes cold all over. “You want to get an annulment?” He has no idea what’s happening to his face, but it can’t be good, judging by the way Cas’s eyes go wide.

He’d always written Cas off as a possibility. They’d shared a few drunken kisses to ring in at least two new years, but they’ve never gone further than that.

And, sure, their friends joked about them being that old married couple, especially as Dean’s second year dragged on without any new girlfriends or boyfriends in the picture. Cas, of course, never had a significant other in the entire time Dean’s known him. But Dean always figured they meant his friendship with Cas was like a boring, sexless marriage of old geezers in their 80s.

Evidently not.

For one, Dean’s pretty sure he wasn’t the only one who jizzed all over these hotel sheets.

And B, Cas has always held his liquor better than Dean, and he's always been a bit anal about big life decisions. He spent a month deliberating over which new couch to buy. He weighed the pros and cons of this trip to Vegas for practically a year. Even three sheets to the wind, he wouldn’t have married Dean completely out of the blue.

Cas’s jaw practically drops to the floor. “You don’t want to get an annulment?”

Dean shrugs, his face heating uncomfortably quickly. “Haven’t given it a lot of thought to be honest.”

“Right,” Cas says, looking away. “In that case, we should definitely end it.”

“I mean, I’ve thought about us together,” Dean amends. “Just not, y’know, all the way married.”

Cas stumbles forward to sit on the side of the bed. “You have?” he asks, his voice weirdly hoarse.

“Sure,” Dean says, “Haven’t you?”

“Of course – I mean,” he backtracks in a calmer tone, “Yes, I have.” As Dean chuckles, Cas glares at him. “You are a very strange man, Dean Winchester.”

“All part of my charm.”

“I’d say so,” Cas says quietly. He picks up the marriage certificate Dean left on the bedspread and smooths it out to read it again. “Why did you never say anything?”

Dean purses his lips. “Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t think you’d react favorably to the news,” Cas says delicately.

“Same.”

Cas squints at him. “How could you possibly think that?”

“You don’t date!” Dean grabs a nearby pillow and hits him with it, grinning at Cas’s squawk of offense. “Every time I’ve tried to set you up, you’ve either bailed or cut it off after one drink saying you weren’t feeling it.”

“Of course I wasn’t feeling it,” Cas retorts as he yanks the pillow out of Dean’s hand and throws it to the other end of the bed. “Nothing I ever felt with them compared to how I feel when around you.”

It’s like Cas’s words light a miniature sun beneath his ribcage. Dean beams at him with a pathetic fraction of the heat crackling in his chest.

Cas taps the paper. “This could all be for moot, though. We’ll have to go to City Hall to confirm if it’s real.”

“We don’t need to do that,” Dean says grimly as he holds his hand out. Cas obligingly hands the certificate over, and Dean reaches for his phone.

Dean 10:55 Woke up and found this Is it legit

He attaches a picture.

“Who are you texting?” Cas asks, leaning in.

“Sammy,” Dean says shortly as he sets his phone back down on the nightstand. “He’s gonna go fucking nuts.”

Cas’s brow creases. “Why? Was he expecting to get married before you?”

Dean bursts out laughing, wheezing and choking on air until he gets his breath back.

“Not the case, I take it,” Cas says dryly as Dean recovers.

Dean wipes at his watering eyes. “As if,” he gasps. “Last time we were in Vegas, Sammy drank an entire bottle of tequila, ran into one of his law school classmates – one who had a gigantic crush on him – and took a long walk down a short aisle.” He grins at the memory. “He was Mr. Becky Rosen for three months before the annulment paperwork went through.”

Cas leans back until he lies on top of Dean’s legs.

“I’ve never let him forget it,” Dean adds wistfully. “So this,” he gestures between them, “is a fucking disaster, as far as I’m concerned. He’s gonna lord it over me forever, the jackass.”

“Maybe you shouldn’t have made fun of him so often for one drunken mistake.”

Dean snorts. “You try selling any older brother that shit.” His phone dings, and he triumphantly shows the screen to Cas.

Sammy 10:59 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

“He’s still gonna be bringing it up ten years from now,” Dean says mournfully.

“Well,” Cas says, twisting in place to stare at him, “Ten years would be our first big anniversary, so that’s more than understandable.”

“I had no idea why I ever thought you weren’t a romantic,” Dean says as he bends down to kiss him. “You’re so gross.”

A minute later, his phone pings with new texts.

Sammy 11:01 Yes its the real deal! If you need a lawyer for the annulment, that’ll be $750 an hour. How hungover are you?

Dean 11:01 Fuck you For that, you’re not getting invited to the ceremony back home

Sammy 11:02 WAIT ARE YOU SERIOUS???

Dean snorts as Sam’s next texts come in.

Sammy 11:03 Dean!!!!! ANSWER ME

Dean silences his phone as it vibrates wildly with Sam’s incoming call. He turns to Cas instead, his expression thoughtful. “D’you think I can suck you off before the food gets here?”

Cas smiles, delighted. “In my experience, there’s only one way to find out.”

#suptober22 #accidental marriage #destiel #fanfic #destiel fanfic #friends to lovers #rae writes fic

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