#I am... writing a fic of them as we speak hehe

[bakafurai]

very self-indulgent barry x espio (esparry??) doodle because I can and therefore I will.

[jaeyunverse]

the perks of having a hot best friend

pairing: lee jeno x fem!reader

genres: fluff, crack, mild angst, best friends to lovers, college au

wc: 14336

warnings: profanity, sexual jokes, jeno is shirtless in a scene phew, too many idol features SORRY i lowk lost track of who i’ve included. i think that is all but lmk if you find something else!

summary: having a hot best friend is nice until you start getting butterflies in your stomach every single time you look at them.

note: JAEYUNVERSE COMEBACK WOOO i’ve missed writing long fics so much omfg but i’m shitting bricks as we speak LOL it’s been a while since i’ve posted something big and i won’t lie i’m hella nervous. i rlly hope you guys enjoy this fic ♡ please don’t hesitate to give me your feedback! here’s to hoping my writing skills haven’t become as rusty as i think i have hehe :’))

masterlist

𝐏𝐄𝐑𝐊𝐒 !

01. an abundance of freebies and discounts

Lee Jeno knew the power his smile held. 

All it took was one flirty laugh combined with those sleepy eyes of his for people to melt. Being the resourceful person you were, you utilised that talent of his to its full extent. 

“Can you go and flirt with the cashier so she gives us a free muffin?” 

Your best friend gave you a dirty look. “You do realise this is supposed to be your treat, right?” 

“I am paying!” you exclaimed. “Just go do your thing and make her feel generous enough to slip a free dessert in our order.” 

Jeno rolled his eyes, but you knew you’d won. You almost always did. “Fine, whatever. You owe me one though.” 

“I’m feeding you because I owe you one,” you pointed out. “This makes us equal.”

“How riveting. I have to work so the person who owes me doesn’t have to owe me anymore.” 

“We can argue about this for hours or you can haul ass to the counter and place the damn order. I’ll Venmo you the money the moment you’re back,” you promised. 

Sliding out of the booth, Jeno said, “You’re lucky you’re cute. If this were Jaemin, I wouldn’t be letting him off the hook easily.”

You stuck your tongue out at him and shooed him away. Narrowing his eyes, he grabbed your wrist and pulled you along. 

“Hey!” you cried. “Don’t take me with you! The flirting won’t have any effect on her if she thinks we’re together!” 

“Everyone thinks we’re together,” Jeno muttered and got in line behind an old man. “She checked me out when we entered the cafe, saw you arm-in-arm with me and gave you the dirtiest look to ever exist.” 

You snorted. “Liar. You might be an eye candy but you do not command such a high level of attention.”   

“I’m telling the truth!” he argued. “I would know because I was checking out the drink she placed on the counter. I was trying to figure out what the person’s order might have been to get something so incredibly delicious-looking. I saw her out of the corner of my eye.” 

“Oh.” You frowned and took a step forward when the line moved ahead. “That’s unfortunate. Should we go to another cafe and try our hand at getting something free there?” 

“How about you stop being such a cheap skate for once?”

Slapping his shoulder hard, you grumbled, “I have to bear the weight of my goddamn rent alone while you share yours with three others! I need to cut down on certain things, asshole.” 

“My offer to move in with you next semester still stands.” Jeno wiggled his eyebrows. “I’m a really good housemate; ask the others.” 

“You live with boys. The disgusting things you do don’t bother them because they do them too.” 

He closed his mouth and thought about it for a second. Then, “Touché.” 

You rolled your eyes, but before you could make another snarky comment, a pleasant voice interrupted, “Good morning. What can I get for you today?” 

Jeno averted his gaze to the girl standing behind the counter and let a lazy smile take form on his lips. You raised a brow and watched in amusement. 

“Hey there. Can I get a Strawberries & Crème Frappuccino with 1 pump caramel syrup, 1 pump hazelnut syrup, and 1 pump toffee-nut syrup? Java chips too, please.” 

The girl—Lia, according to her name tag—looked surprised to see him blatantly flirting with you right beside him. Maybe he was right about every stranger assuming the two of you to be together, though you couldn’t fathom why. “O—okay.”

“What do you want, friend?” Jeno stressed the last word. Refraining to roll your eyes a second time, you said, 

“Iced coffee without milk. Could you add some sugar to the brew? I prefer my drinks to be sweet.” 

“Of course,” she said and nodded once, unfazed even after learning of Jeno’s status as an eligible bachelor. 

Snorting under your breath, you whispered to him, “Lia doesn’t give a fuck. You’re lacking.” 

He scoffed and nudged you away. “No, I’m not,” he whisper-snapped. “Get out of here. You’re killing my vibe.” 

You deadpanned and gave him a don’t-bullshit-me look but retreated to your booth nonetheless. The last thing you heard Lia ask was: “Anything else?” 

You’d only been sitting and scrolling through your phone for a few minutes before a hand slapped a receipt on the table in front of you. 

Glancing up, you inquired, “What?” 

“Read the order.” 

Dropping your gaze to the piece of paper again, you picked it up. An appreciative frown tugged at your lips as Jeno slid into his seat. “You managed to get us a free muffin and a free bagel?”

“Don’t ever question my talents again,” he ordered and leaned back. Resting his arm on the cushion behind him and placing his ankle on his knee, his attitude was nothing short of a king’s. “I won’t tolerate any further slander.” 

“Uh-huh,” you muttered, utterly unimpressed. Though you admit, a smile threatened to break out on your face and you had to bite your lip to keep it from escaping. 

Jeno raised an eyebrow, as if waiting for something. All you did was stare at him, and when he realised you wouldn’t budge, he did an extremely horrible and high-pitched imitation of you that should have deserved jail. “Thank you sooooooo much, Jeno! If it weren’t for your flirting skills, I wouldn’t have anything to eat. You’re my one and only saviour, and I don’t know what I would have done without—”

“Order for Jeno!” Lia hollered. 

Said-boy flinched and clutched his heart with his hand. “What the… That was quick.” Clearing his throat, he turned his attention back to you, the tips of his ears red and his face flushed. “Whatever. I’ll be right back. Venmo me the bill amount.” 

You snickered and watched him get up. However, before he could move out of earshot, you called his name. “Thank you for your service.” 

Jeno glanced at you over his shoulder and did nothing but observe you for a moment. Then, a lopsided grin took form on his lips and he mock saluted. 

“You’re welcome.” 

02. gives good boy advice

“What are you doing here?” 

Pushing past you, Jeno strolled into your living room and plopped down on your sofa. “Is that any way to greet your best friend?” 

You rolled your eyes and closed the front door. Sitting down beside him, you placed your laptop on your lap again and resumed going through your notes. “I’m being serious. Were we supposed to hang out today? Because I cannot. I still have three finals left.” 

“No, we didn’t have any plans today,” he said, peering over your shoulder to check what subject you were studying. It was Economics. Horrible memories from the previous semester resurfaced and he shuddered before continuing, “Your text said you wanted to talk about something important?” 

You paused and glanced at him. “So you came over?” 

“Do you want me to leave?” Jeno frowned. “I thought it would be better to talk in person.”

He stood up and dusted himself off. Eyes widening, you grabbed his wrist and forced him back to his original position. “That’s not what I meant! I do want to talk to you but—it’s weird. I don’t feel like dealing with whatever has happened right now and I’m getting second thoughts about asking you for advice.” 

Concern seeped into Jeno’s face. “Woah, are you okay? You don’t have to explain anything right now. Just tell me one thing: do I need to beat anyone up? I’ve got a few gym buddies who are ripped.”

You huffed a laugh and placed your laptop on the coffee table. Crossing your legs, you turned to face him. Upon watching you get comfortable, your best friend rolled his shoulders back and did the same thing. 

“Before I say anything, I need you to promise me that you won’t laugh. Or make fun of me. Or call me an idiot.” 

“I won’t,” he answered immediately, though he wondered what issue warranted you to require his word. 

Taking a deep breath, you nodded. “YangYang asked me out a few days ago. I’ve always liked him, but not in a way that’s not platonic. I fucked up and instead of rejecting him right there, I asked him for some time to think it over and kinda led him to believe that I would say yes.”

Jeno raised an eyebrow. “How?” 

“I told him he’s my type,” you mumbled, cringing at the memories that came rushing back. 

“What?!” he exclaimed. “How the hell did you manage to do that?” 

“I don’t know!” you whined and buried your face in your hands. “He came up to me when I was in the library and asked if we could talk! I didn’t know he was going to drop such a bomb on me so I said yes. Then he started talking about how he’s always cherished our friendship and how he’s so glad to have me.

“I started suspecting where his train of thought was headed when he added a but to his sentence. He said he’s liked me for a while now and he couldn’t keep it to himself anymore. I was flabbergasted once he was done! I’ve always viewed him as a good friend and I didn’t want to just turn his heart down!”

“So you told him he was your type?” Jeno asked incredulously. “I know I promised to not call you an idiot but you’re really fucking stupid, Y/N! It’s going to be hella awkward when the group meets up!” 

You groaned and closed your eyes shut, letting yourself fall on your back. “That’s not even the worst part.” 

Jeno grabbed your wrists and hauled you back up. His face was barely a few inches away from yours when he ordered, “Explain.”

Taking a deep breath, you continued. “I told YangYang that he was cute and my type but I wasn’t in a position to think about going out with anyone with still two weeks of finals left to get through. I thought he would drop it but he asked me if I would think about his confession after our exams and I felt terrible telling him the truth. So I said I would. Yeji called me last night and said she set me up on a blind date with this guy in her class. You know how fast word spreads here. YangYang is going to know I dangled him on strings only to go on a date with someone else!” 

“You’re going on a blind date? With whom?” 

You flicked Jeno’s forehead. “That’s not the issue!” 

“Well, I want to know!” he sputtered and slapped your hand away. 

“I don’t know! Frankly, I don’t care either. I made a bet with Yeji and I lost. Now I have to spend an evening with a random guy I don’t even want to seek a romantic relationship with.” 

Your best friend sighed in frustration. “This might be one of your biggest fuck-ups till now.”

“I know,” you said quietly and dropped your gaze to your lap in shame. 

“You’ll have to apologise to YangYang and tell him the truth. He’s a good guy and he doesn’t deserve any of this.” 

“I know.” 

“Hey,” Jeno said softly. You glanced at him to see he’d gotten up and was holding his out for you. “Come here.” 

You rose to your feet and let him envelop you in his comforting embrace. Burying your face in his chest, you whispered, “I never wanted to hurt YangYang. I don’t want to lose him as a friend.” 

“You won’t as long as you come clean and explain everything. Don’t insult him further by giving him more half-truths. Guys would rather know what’s the real deal than be lied to and find out from someone else. Not only is it hurtful, but it’s a huge blow to the ego.”  

Your lips curled in a small smile and you leaned back a little to look at his face. “Is this about your mom lying to you about the tooth fairy?” 

“Damn right it is,” he grumbled. “I gave an entire speech about her being my favourite person in the whole world. That’s not something you recover from easily.”

“It’s been 15 years.”

“It’ll take me another 15 to come to terms with the fact that I used to rip my loose teeth out and place them under my pillow when I needed money urgently.” 

You laughed and pulled yourself out of his arms. “I can’t believe I’m taking guy advice from you.” 

“Why?” Jeno exclaimed. “I’m a guy too! Plus, I always give good advice!” 

You giggled and plopped down on the sofa again. “I know. But you’re also Jeno. I’ve never thought of you as just a guy.” 

“I don’t know if I should be flattered or offended.” 

“How about you sit your ass down and help me study now that you’re here? I made flash cards.” 

Snatching the stack from your hand, Jeno teased, “Oh, how would you survive without me?”

“I don’t have to wonder about that shit.” You grinned. “There’s no way in hell you’re getting rid of me anytime soon.” 

He laughed. “And thank fuck for that.” 

03. hugs always make you feel safe thanks to all the beef underneath

You were going to drag Jeno to the seventh circle of Hell. 

You couldn’t afford to go grocery shopping with him when you had a huge exam the next day. You hadn’t studied shit and were one “have you prepared for tomorrow’s final?” away from a mental breakdown. 

It didn’t help that Yeji had called you in the middle of the night to clear a doubt she had from a chapter you didn’t even know had been covered.

You’d been panicking ever since and it felt like you were going to get a heart attack at any moment.  

“Doritos or Lays?” 

“Kick to the nuts or knuckles to the jaw?” 

Your best friend tore his gaze from the rack of chips and eyed you warily. “I said I’ll help you study tonight.” 

“You don’t understand, Jeno!” you exclaimed and ran a hand through your messy hair, pacing in the supermarket aisle impatiently. “I’m going to fail! Fail!”  

Groaning, Jeno grabbed your arm and forced you to face him. He held your shoulders and looked you in the eyes, enunciating each word as he reiterated, “You’re not going to fail. We’re going to pull an all-nighter in the library, but we need to be stocked up on food before we do that.” 

You sighed painfully. It burned your eyes to just focus on anything—how the hell were you supposed to stay awake for another day and write a three-hour-long exam after that? 

“You could have come here without dragging me with you,” you muttered. “I could have been studying at home instead of wasting precious time.”

Jeno frowned. “Any more time in front of your laptop and you would have gone insane, Y/N. Your eyes are completely red.” 

“Oh, that’s not because of the screen time. I cried before you came to check on me.” 

Huffing a small laugh that bordered on exasperation, amusement and worry, Jeno threw a few packets of Doritos in the shopping cart before slinging an arm around your neck. You let him pull you against him and wrapped your arms around his waist as the two of you began walking. 

“Well, you needed to get out anyway. I don’t remember the last time I saw you leave your apartment.” 

“I stepped outside yesterday to play with the neighbour’s cat,” you said defensively. 

“Not good enough,” Jeno popped. “We’re going to go get a massage once we’re done shopping.” 

You stopped in your tracks and peeled yourself away from him. “The final is in twenty-eight hours!” you yelled, staring at him incredulously. “Are you fucking stupid?!” 

“So you have plenty of time to de-stress before you start studying again!” he chirped, paying no heed to your concerns nor the people who had heard your outburst and were giving you odd looks. “Trust me, I went for a massage before my final and I was so relaxed. It helped me to focus too.” 

“Jeno,” you uttered his name with barely contained impatience. “I don’t have time. I need to cover a lot of shit before I go and sit in the fucking examination hall.” 

“And I said I’ll help!” he repeated, sounding almost exasperated. Pushing the shopping cart forward again, he studied the shelves and continued, “You always do this, Y/N. You freak out before a test and act like the world is ending only for you to do super well.”

“Well—” you began, stumbling after him— “that’s just my coping mechanism! The more worried I am, the better I do. But I’m screwed for real this time!” 

“No,” Jeno popped, placing a 2-litre bottle of Sprite in the cart. “I’m not listening to you this time. Especially not after you stayed awake for three days straight for your midterm.” 

You sighed again. There was no arguing with your best friend. “How long is this massage of yours going to take?” 

“We’ll be back at your place in two hours max,” he reassured you, patting your head. You swatted his hand away and gave him a dirty look. “I think we have everything we need to make it through today and tomorrow.” 

“Why do we need such a big bottle of Sprite?” 

“Party at my place this weekend. There’s a discount so I’m buying in advance.”

You frowned. “Shouldn’t you be stocking up on booze?”

“The guys said I have an alcohol addiction,” Jeno said, getting in line at the billing counter. “Which is, like, totally untrue but you know I never back down from a challenge. I’m going to prove them wrong by staying sober for two weeks.”

“Sure,” you snorted. “You’ll just find lame loopholes or cheat when no one’s looking.”

A sly grin took form on Jeno’s lips. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively and drawled, “I know what you do when no one’s looking.”

“Really?” You feigned a gasp. “You know I sneak over to your house and steal your food when you’re not there?”

His smile dropped immediately. “Wait, what? That’s you? Not Hyuck?”

“The food thief is me but the one stealing your sheet masks is Hyuck,” you admitted.

“He steals my masks?! The ones I buy are expensive as fuck!” Jeno exclaimed, betrayal seeping into his features. His hands fell to his side and his eyes turned distant. “I can’t believe he’s been gaslighting me into thinking I do an extra round of skincare when I’m drunk.”

You giggled and pushed the shopping cart forward once the person in front of you was done. Placing the contents on the billing counter for the cashier to scan, you revealed, “Hyuck saw me raiding your pantry when you were at the gym. He used that as leverage against me for weeks before I saw him stealing your sheet masks and was able to finally strike a deal—he turns a blind eye to my robberies and I turn a blind eye to his.”

“Why’d you team up with him?” Jeno pouted. “I thought we were best friends.”

You laughed incredulously. “Seriously? That’s what you’re focusing on? Not the part where Hyuck and I used your stuff without asking?”

“Well, yeah, I’m pissed you used my shit. But I guess I’m just a little more bothered that you guys teamed up,” Jeno said and shrugged, fetching his wallet from the back pocket of his jeans. “Because, you know, coming together to make people suffer has always been our thing.”

You raised an eyebrow, slightly amused by how he was beating around the bush. “Are you saying you wanna team up with me to get back at Hyuck?”

Jeno grinned. “I’m gonna screw over that motherfucker so bad. You get off the hook, though, because you’re cute and I need your help.”

“You’re impossible.” You huffed and shook your head. Taking the bag of groceries, you said to him, “Text me my share and I’ll Venmo the money to you.”

“You could buy me an ice cream instead.”

“No,” you denied immediately. “We’re not wasting time on ice cream. Massage and then straight home so I can pick up my study material and we can leave for the library.”

Thankfully, Jeno didn’t protest. He drove you to your apartment complex and waited for you while you packed your bag. Then, the two of you were off to the massage place.

An hour later, you were done and forced to admit that the massage had indeed helped you. It felt like all the stress had left your body. Thinking about the final didn’t make you want to cry anymore and things were actually looking up now that you were rested.

You were able to retain the knowledge better and it was easier to understand the concepts. Jeno quizzed you and provided you with an endless supply of coffee throughout the night.

Right before lunch the next day, however, the panic resurfaced as you were revising your syllabus for the last time before your final at 3. You couldn’t seem to remember anything you had studied the previous night. 

You could feel another breakdown coming, but before you could hyperventilate, Jeno scooped you up in his arms.

You hadn’t even realised when he’d come back from picking up your food. One minute, you were trying to control your breath and the next, your face was buried in his hard chest.

You held onto his shirt as his hands rubbed soothing circles on your back and he rocked you from side to side.

“Shh, don’t cry,” he mumbled and kissed the top of your head. “You’re gonna ace the final like you always do. You were able to answer all the quiz questions, so keep in mind that you are prepared. The pre-exam anxiety is just clouding your thoughts. Everything’s gonna come back to you when you sit down to write, alright?”

Nodding, you clenched your eyes shut and bit down on your lip to keep a sob from escaping. Jeno’s presence kept acting like a tether for you. It always had.

Maybe he was right about the final. Maybe he wasn’t. But at that moment, engulfed in his warm, safe embrace, it felt like everything was going to be okay.

𝐃𝐎𝐖𝐍𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄𝐒 !

01. having to deal with a narcissistic asshole. 

It was an especially sweltering day. 

You were being baked inside-out despite wearing a tank top and a pair of shorts, your hair tied in a messy high bun. Adding to your torment was your broken A/C. You’d requested your landlord to fix it several times but your efforts were to no avail. 

You would have kept bothering him incessantly and gotten the job done if you weren’t so intimidated by him already. 

Sighing, you eyed your bathroom. A cold shower sounded like an amazing idea. Jeno wasn’t supposed to come over to watch the movie for a while anyway. 

Deciding to cool yourself and get rid of the sweat sticking to your body, you entered the tiny bathroom. A high-pitched squeal left your mouth the moment you turned the shower knob and the cold water hit your skin. 

“Fuck,” you cursed and flinched, turning the knob the other way immediately. Your shitty apartment didn’t even have a valve to adjust the temperature—the water was either mildly hot or ice cold. Showering in summer was always a big problem.

“God, I don’t wanna keep doing this,” you mumbled to yourself and stepped into your room again. 

There was this… thing you’d been doing ever since you moved into this apartment. Whenever it was hot, you’d work out so you’d get more sweaty. That way, when you showered under the ice-cold water, it didn’t feel as unbearable. 

It was weird and there probably was no science behind it, but you didn’t care as long as it worked. 

So, you rolled out your yoga mat on the floor and began warming up. 

Within no time, your skin was glistening with sweat and your hair was damp. You were struggling to complete the last push-up of your final set when someone knocked on your door, causing you to lose your focus. Your arms gave out beneath you, and you collapsed to the ground. 

“Woah, it’s boiling in here,” Jeno pointed out intelligently. “And you look like you’re one move away from dying. God, I can’t even breathe Why the fuck are you working out with the windows closed? Are you stupid?” 

Groaning, you rolled on your back and watched your best friend as he moved to the windows and threw them open. “Hey!” you protested weakly and raised a trembling arm in a pathetic attempt to stop him. “I’m trying to do something!”

Jeno raised an eyebrow at you and grabbed your hand, hauling you up effortlessly. “Oh, yeah? Pray tell.” 

You crashed into his chest and rebounded, but he tightened his hold on you. His palm hovered over your back in case you lost your balance. Steadying yourself, you glared at him and snapped, “No. You’re gonna make fun of me.”

“I won’t!” Jeno laughed, his eyes crinkling. 

“Stop, you’re doing it already!” 

“Okay! Okay, I’m sorry. I really do wanna know what you were doing.” 

You eyed him for a moment, waiting for him to slip up and start laughing again. But Jeno’s face remained mildly curious. Satisfied, you explained, “Well, because I was feeling hot, I decided to take a shower. The water here is very cold, though, so I decided to work out in a closed room because that would make me even hotter. If I get in the shower now, it wouldn’t feel as cold because my body temperature has already increased, and the water would be sort of neutralised.” 

A beat of silence passed. And then, “I know I said I wouldn’t make fun of you—”

“Then stop talking.”

“But did you not realise you could have mixed the hot and cold water in a bucket?” Jeno continued, clearly still talking. “Or, I don’t know, come over to my place to shower?” 

“You live with three other men.” You deadpanned. “I was not going to shower in your apartment with Jaemin, Renjun and Hyuck there. Also, I don’t have a big enough bucket, so I will be buying one today,” you added, muttering the last bit. 

Jeno rolled his eyes. “God, Y/N, I would have kicked the guys out.” 

“What makes you think they would have listened to you?” you asked amusedly.

“Okay, true,” he agreed. “They would have listened to you, though. If there’s anyone who’s bossy enough to get them out of the house on a hot Sunday afternoon, it’s you.” 

“Are you calling me bossy?” 

“Are you going to shower now?” he deflected. “You stink.”

“Shut up!” you exclaimed and slapped his shoulder hard, but laughed nonetheless. Moving away from him, you kicked him off your yoga mat and said, “You opened the windows and interrupted my workout, so I don’t feel as hot anymore. I think I’m gonna exercise a little more so I don’t die of hypothermia in the shower. You can take my laptop and choose a movie till then if you want.”

“How about I work out with you?” Jeno suggested. “We can have our gym bros moment.” 

“I don’t wanna have a gym bros moment with you.”

“Why?” he whined. 

Flicking his forehead, you said, “Because I know you’re gonna turn this into a competition, and I’m not in the mood.” 

“Scared?”

“You wish,” you scoffed. “I’m tired from all the working out I did before you came, and I’m not going against you when you have that advantage over me.” 

“That still means you’re scared. Pussy.”

Letting out an exasperated sigh, you got into the position for a plank. “Get out if you’re going to keep being annoying and not contribute shit to our gym bros moment.”

“I knew you’d come around,” Jeno replied smugly. You practically heard the grin in his voice when he said that. 

You closed your eyes and laboured your breathing as you felt your abdomen begin to burn almost immediately. “Had to, or I knew you’d keep irritating me.” 

Opening your lids, you turned your neck to see if he was doing the exercise with you. 

Your arms gave out the moment you saw Jeno shirtless, his bulging biceps on full display.

“Damn, you lost quicker than I thought,” he commented. 

“Why are you naked?!” you demanded in a shrill voice. 

Still in position, Jeno only glanced at you like you were out of your mind. “I was wearing a hoodie, Y/N. Did you expect me to do a plank in that furnace?” 

“Yeah!” you exclaimed. To your dismay, your eyes kept drifting to his well-defined muscles no matter how much you tried to focus on his face. 

To make things worse, Jeno noticed. And smirked. “Stop complaining if you’re enjoying the view so much. It’s okay to admit you have a hot best friend.”

Flustered, you scrambled to your feet and looked at the ceiling. God, you felt like a stupid middle schooler. It was insane how much of an effect Jeno was having on you. What was weirder was that your mind was drifting to places it had never been before. At least where your best friend was concerned. 

“Narcissus has nothing on you,” you muttered under your breath, and tried to gather your bearings. 

“Besides,” Jeno continued, having not heard you. “I do send you pictures sometimes. I don’t know why you’re acting like you’ve never seen me like this.” 

“Your phone’s camera is fucked, Jeno,” you grumbled. “The photos you texted me didn’t capture half of what’s actually there.”

No matter what you hadn’t seen, you’d felt whenever you hugged each other. It didn’t take away your surprise upon seeing the 2440p quality visual though. 

“Is that disappointment I hear?” he taunted. 

“No!” you exclaimed and finally looked at him again. At the sight of his working muscles, you muttered, “Can we stop now? You won.”

“Ah!” Jeno dragged the word as if he had just stumbled upon a revelation. “You want me to stand up so you can get a better view of my abs? Got it.” 

Your eyes widened, and before you could deny his ridiculous accusations, he was towering over you. Wiggling his eyebrows, he gestured towards himself and flexed dramatically. 

“You’re an idiot,” you huffed, unable to help yourself. 

“Yeah? Then I guess an idiot just managed to fluster the shit out of you.” Jeno smiled and ruffled your hair. Bending, he picked up his discarded hoodie and shrugged it back on. “I’ll go and get you a bathing bucket from the supermarket around the corner. Don’t freeze yourself to death.” 

You rolled your eyes. “I won’t.” 

“Also, do you remember the shirt I forgot here all those months ago after I got wet in the rain? Can you find it so I can change into it when I’m back?” He frowned and looked at himself. “I’ll eventually toast myself if I watch the movie in my hoodie.”

“Sure, but you’re stupid for wearing warm clothes in summer,” you commented.  

Jeno gave you a dirty look. “Sorry for assuming your A/C was in working condition. Besides, you always want to cuddle when we watch movies, so I figured you’d be more comfortable if I was wearing a hoodie.” 

Your cheeks warmed at that, your heart stumbling a beat. What was wrong with you? You’d always known Jeno was caring and went out of his way to do nice things for you.

Typically, you’d have felt grateful for how thoughtful he was being. 

Now, though, you felt that and… something else that you didn’t really want to acknowledge. 

“Whatever,” you said instead, trying to sound dismissive. Pushing him out of your room, you continued, “I’ll find it. Just hurry up with the bucket.” 

A few minutes after Jeno was gone, a notification popped up on your phone. 

[jeno]: clearer picture that i clicked on jaemin’s phone for your viewing pleasure :”) 

You blinked in confusion and opened the photo that was attached below, your eyes widening the moment you saw it. It was a zoomed-in gym mirror selfie of Jeno wearing nothing but sweatpants and shoes, his muscular abdomen on full display. 

[you]: did you crop jaemin? 

[jeno]: ???? [jeno]: wdym……. [you]: the photo’s dimensions are weird [jeno]: oh [jeno]: what the fuck [you]: LMFAOOO [jeno]: STOP I DIDN’T WANT YOU LOOKING AT HIM INSTEAD OF ME I’VE GOT A BETTER BODY ANYWAY AND I’M GONNA BUY A NEW PHONE SO I CAN SEND YOU CLEARER PICS WITHOUT HAVING TO CROP THAT FUCKER OUT 

You bit down on your lip to keep yourself from smiling too wide. Right before you were about to type a reply, you received another text from your best friend. 

[jeno]: so are you gonna tell me what you think [you]: FINE you’re hot. [you]: happy?  [jeno]: euphoric

Finally laughing out loud, you shook your head. 

Narcissus had nothing on Jeno indeed.

02. female friends ask you to be their wingwoman 

You didn’t think you’d ever accompanied Jeno to a party without having someone ask you to set them up with him. 

“Please,” Yoo Jimin begged for what seemed like the thousandth time. “Yeji said he was single!” 

Sighing, you mentally cursed Yeji for inviting Jimin to Jeno’s party. “He is, but I’m not setting you up with him.” 

“Why?” Jimin demanded rather aggressively, making you wonder what it would take for her to quit nagging you. “Do you like him or something?” 

It took a concerning amount of effort for you to refrain from rolling your eyes. “I do not.” 

“Then what’s the problem?” 

“I don’t know, Jimin!” you finally burst and gestured at your surroundings. “Maybe I’m not too keen on helping you out because you followed me into the washroom and cornered me! Maybe I feel used because you’ve never shown much interest in me even though I’ve tried striking up a conversation with you several times before!”  

Jimin’s features softened, and she looked away. “You’re right,” she muttered, guilt and shame evident in her voice. “I’m sorry for jumping on you like that.” 

You immediately felt bad for snapping at her. Pursing your lips, you tried to cheer her up. “Don’t worry about it. You don’t need me to set you up with him anyway. I know we haven’t hung out much, but based on what I’ve heard about you from Yeji, you’re smart, funny and social. You have no reason to be nervous while approaching Jeno.” 

For some reason, you regretted encouraging Jimin to pursue your best friend. A gaping hole formed in your heart, and you wished she would go for someone else instead. 

“Thanks, Y/N.” Jimin smiled gratefully. “I know I’ve been a shitty person, but could you give me another chance? I’d really like to get to know you more.” 

And just like that, the hollowness in your chest was gone. You gave her a genuine smile of your own and said, “I gotta pee right now, but does lunch tomorrow work for you?”

Jimin’s eyes widened. “Shit, I’m so sorry. I forgot where we were.” Rubbing the nape of her neck sheepishly, she replied, “Lunch works. I’ll text you tonight so we can talk about it.” 

The two of you exchanged your goodbyes, and then she was gone. A few minutes later, you exited the washroom as well and headed back to the party. 

“I missed you,” a voice slurred in your ear. Arms circled around your waist, and a face buried itself into the crook of your neck. 

You laughed. “You failed the challenge, Jeno.” 

“Where were you?” he demanded in an almost whiny tone. “It’s your fault! I wouldn’t have lost at beer pong if you’d been playing with me.” 

Patting Jeno’s back in consolation, you replied, “I’m sorry you have zero self-control and commit to things you know you won’t be able to do.” 

Jeno peeled himself away from you and pouted. “You’re mean.”

“Thanks. Let’s get wasted together,” you said, but then added upon looking at his already tipsy condition, “Or I can get wasted, and your ass can keep me company.”  

“Don’t you think one of us should be sober?” Jeno asked as you pulled him along.

“I’m not gonna hold back from drinking!” you exclaimed. “Let me remind you that you were supposed to be the sober one today and make sure I didn’t do anything stupid. I’m blaming you if I get naked in the yard.” 

Thanks to the music that was gradually getting louder as you approached the main party area, you didn’t hear your best friend’s response. You tightened your grip on his hand when the crowd thickened. Wading your way through the dancing throng, you finally reached the table lined with alcohol and food. 

You chose a bottle of Romanov and popped it open, drinking straight from it. You’d barely taken a few gulps when Jeno snatched it from you and put it to his own mouth. 

Throwing him a dirty look, you picked up another bottle for yourself. “Do you wanna dance?”

“I wanna throw up.” 

“Suit yourself.” You shrugged and aimed for the dance floor. A smile crept on your face upon seeing Jaemin; you were not in the mood to dance alone. 

“Y/N!” he hollered when he noticed you. Stumbling towards you, he pulled you in a quick embrace. “I haven’t seen you in so long!” 

“Finals!” you answered. Jaemin nodded in understanding and ran a hand through his hair, taking a swig from his beer. “Do you wanna dance?” 

You grinned. “You know I do.” 

The next few hours were a complete blur. The bottle in your hand was replaced by more one after the other, and when Jaemin deemed you’d had enough to drink, he gave you a red solo cup filled with water instead. 

It felt good to finally unwind after the horrible few weeks you’d had. There was no academic stress weighing down on you anymore, and though you were low on sleep, you didn’t want to stop partying. 

You just wished you and Jeno had gotten wasted together. While you were having fun with Jaemin, partying with Jeno was a different experience entirely. 

Right as you were about to take a sip from your cup, you felt an arm being thrown around your neck. The touch was so familiar that you recognised who it was immediately. 

“I missed you!” you exclaimed. Jeno looked down at you with a grin on his face, a pair of black party glasses sitting on his nose. His hair was damp and fell over his forehead. Maybe it was the liquor in your system, but you could have sworn he never looked better. “Let’s dance.”

“Dance?” Jeno laughed. “Haven’t you been doing that for the past two hours? Don’t your feet hurt?” 

Frowning, you glanced at your legs. “They do!” you exclaimed, and looked back at him again, your bottom lip sticking out in a pout. Feeling tears beginning to pool in your eyes, you mumbled, “But I still want to dance.”

“How about we go on the roof instead? The stars look pretty tonight,” your best friend suggested, trying his best not to laugh at you. “I didn’t drink at all after you left me. I’m sober enough to take care of you now.” 

Your eyes lit up at that. “Wow, that’s such a good idea! You’re so smart, Jeno. I love you.”  

Jeno’s lips finally twitched up in a smile. “I love you too, silly.” 

Plucking the solo cup out of your hand, he offered you an arm. You looped yours through it with a soft thank you and leaned on him as he led you upstairs. 

The two of you entered his dark room, and Jeno shut the door behind him. Only when the loud music was muffled did you realise your head was throbbing.  

He unhooked your arms gently and grabbed a warm blanket off his bed. Throwing open his window, he jumped out on the flat roof and looked at you expectantly. 

You staggered behind Jeno and took the hand he was holding out for you. His other hand hovered over your waist as you climbed on the sill. 

Thanks to the alcohol in your system, your balance was non-existent, and your legs turned to jelly the moment they made contact with the roof. Fortunately, your best friend was there to catch you.

You bumped into Jeno’s chest instead of falling to the ground. He wrapped his arms around you and steadied you, laughing a little at your antics. 

“God, how much did you drink?” you heard him wonder to himself. You mumbled an incoherent response and leaned against the outside wall of his room, watching him lay the spread on the floor. 

The two of you usually climbed the ladder that led to the slanting roof at the very top of the house, but you reckoned the boy in front of you didn’t want to risk taking you up there when you were so wasted. 

Jeno sat down on the blanket once he was done and peeked at you over his shoulder, patting the space beside him. “Come on.” 

Pushing yourself off the siding, you stumbled to him, tripping over your feet a bit. You were able to keep your balance, though, and a moment later, you found yourself lying on the blanket next to him.

Your shoulders brushed against each other, the warmth from his body seeping into you. It was summer, but the night air was still chilly, especially now that you were on the roof. You were thankful for the protection Jeno offered against the mild cold. 

The music was blaring once again now that you were outside, and there were no barriers to deafen it, but the volume barely bothered you. Your eyes were on the stars, trying to identify the constellations.

“I see Orion right there,” Jeno said, pointing at the sky. You followed his finger, and sure enough, there it was. “And there’s Ursa Minor.” He moved his hand after noting that you had recognised Orion. 

“I don’t see it,” you muttered, blinking heavily to clear your sight. 

“Can you see Polaris?” he asked, glancing at you for a moment. 

You raised your hand and pointed it at a random star that was nowhere near the one Jeno was referring to. “There.” 

Jeno snorted. “You could spot Orion, but you can’t identify the brightest star in the sky?” Without waiting for a response, your best friend grabbed your arm and directed it to the right star. “That is Polaris.” 

“Woah.” You gaped and lowered your arm. “It’s so shiny.” 

Jeno laughed again upon hearing the child-like wonder in your voice. You stargazed often and always challenged each other to see who could identify the most constellations in a minute. He knew the night sky was familiar to you, but seeing you like this reminded Jeno of the first time he brought you to his roof and introduced you to his favourite hobby. 

“Do you want it?” he teased. 

Eyes widening, you turned your neck to look at him, your faces so close you could count his lashes. “Really?” 

“Really,” he said and pinched your cheek, unable to help himself. “I’ll get it for you.” 

A wide smile immediately broke across your lips, and you threw your arms around him, hugging him tightly. “Thank you!” you squealed. 

Jeno chuckled, a little surprised that you had practically climbed on top of him, and part of him was caged under you now. He didn’t mind the sudden intimacy. It had always been his love language; any sort of physical contact with you—be it comparing hand sizes or carrying you on his back—warmed his heart. 

Patting your head, he asked, “You want me to show you the rest of Ursa Minor?” 

“Yes.” You nodded into the crook of his neck and peeled yourself away from him, but your head still rested where his shoulder met his arm. 

Brushing away a strand of hair that had fallen on your face, he averted his gaze to the sky. “Polaris is the tail of The Little Dipper. Now we move towards the left. See the star that’s above the brightest? That’s Delta. Epsilon is above Delta too, but the distance between them is not as much as the distance between the first two. Zeta is below—” 

You tuned Jeno out. He was still showing you the stars that made up the constellations, far too invested to notice that you were no longer paying attention to what he was saying and were looking at something much more beautiful instead. 

You’d always known your best friend was attractive. You’d have to be blind to not notice his striking features—they were sharp with a certain softness around the edges. His face always stood out in crowds and demanded people’s undivided attention. 

Rightfully so, you thought to yourself as you admired his perfectly straight nose and the shape of his soft lips, diverting your gaze to his eyes. You’d always thought they were his best features. They were warm and open and felt like home. It deserves to be appreciated. 

“Pherka, Eta, Kochab and Zeta form a—”

“You’re prettier.”

Jeno glanced at you, your faces mere inches away and those beautiful eyes peering into yours with slight confusion. “What?”

“You said the stars looked pretty tonight,” you whispered. “I think you’re prettier.” You paused for a moment, as if rethinking your words. Then, “I think you’re the prettiest person in the world.”

A fond smile crept on your best friend’s face, and maybe it was because your ear was in the vicinity of his heart, but you could have sworn you heard it thumping loudly against his ribcage. Lightly bumping his forehead against yours, Jeno whispered back, 

“I think you’re the prettiest person in the world too.” 

03. it’s very easy to fall for them, especially when they’re always so sweet and caring

The first thing you felt upon regaining your consciousness was pain. 

Your skull was splitting apart, the little bit of sunlight creeping in through the closed curtains rendering you blind. Nausea was beginning to set in, but your body was so weak that you weren’t sure you could make it to the toilet in time. 

You should have never drunk so much. Not only had you not taken any proper rest after working yourself to exhaustion during your finals, but had also danced to the point you couldn’t move your legs. Heck, you couldn’t even remember much of the party. You recalled leaving Jeno behind to party with Jaemin, but everything after that was a huge blank slate. 

The toilet was far away, but you could try reaching the dustbin near the study table instead of just throwing up on the carpet. Groaning, you tried to push yourself up. When that didn’t work, you put all strength in your abdomen and threw yourself off the bed. 

A shockwave of agony passing through your body rendered you immobile on the ground. You moaned in pain and curled in on yourself, covering your mouth with a hand upon tasting bile on your tongue. 

The door was thrown open, and a worried Jeno gaped at you lying on his room’s hard floor motionlessly. “What the fuck?” 

“Dustbin,” you croaked with much difficulty, tears springing to your eyes. They hurt so much you wanted to rip them out. 

Your best friend moved into action immediately. “I kept the dustbin right beside the bed in case you got sick, you blind twat truck. Along with painkillers and water on the table.”  

You found it in yourself to glare at the boy, but he ignored you. Placing the waste basket in front of you, he helped you up. You gripped the rim as he gathered your hair in his hand and held it up to avoid it getting in the way of your vomit. 

Right before you emptied the toxins in your body, you managed to say to him, “How capable do I look to you right now, you stupid toe-licking grinch man?” 

Jeno rolled his eyes and rubbed your back with his other hand, patiently waiting for you to finish. Once your heaving stopped, you took the tissue he was holding out for you and wiped your mouth. You felt much better after throwing up but you were still so tired. 

“Come on.”

You swatted Jeno’s hand away and rested your back on his bed, tucking your legs under your chin. “Too much effort,” you muttered and closed your eyes, willing the headache to go away.

“I was going to carry you to the bed, Y/N,” he said in exasperation. 

“I just need a moment,” you whispered almost incoherently, wishing he would stop asking you questions when you had no energy to answer. “A moment and an Aspirin.” 

There was some shuffling, and then you felt a hand brushing your matted hair out of your face. “Here.”

You peeled your lids open to see Jeno crouched in front of you with water and the painkiller you had asked for. Taking it from his hand, you popped it into your mouth and gulped down some water. 

For a few moments, you tried to regulate your breathing and calm yourself down. Jeno could tell you were gathering the willpower and strength to climb back on his bed. He wanted to help, but you clearly didn’t want it. So, he just watched you silently struggle.

He should have been with you last night; he hated that he wasn’t when he had promised to be the sober half. As far as Jeno was concerned, Jaemin was going to get an earful about keeping tabs on how much his friends drank. Never in the two years of friendship had he seen you with such a huge hangover. 

“Fuck,” he heard you curse under your breath. You moaned in pain as you pushed yourself up on trembling arms and fell on his mattress. Sighing, Jeno tucked you in and pressed a chaste kiss on your forehead. 

“Sleep well,” he said and made his way to the door. “I’ll wake you up for lunch. Renjun is making grilled sandwiches.” 

Your eyes flew open again. Fuck. You were supposed to meet Jimin. 

“Jeno, wait,” you blurted, and he stopped in his tracks. “I was supposed to meet a friend for lunch, but I don’t think I can make it. Can you cover for me?” 

Your best friend leaned against the doorframe and crossed his arms over his chest. “Which friend?” 

“Jimin.” 

“I thought she ghosted you.” He frowned. “Now you’re meeting her for lunch?” 

“No, you are meeting her for lunch. I don’t wanna be rude and cancel at the last minute. What if she already left?”

“It’s 10 in the morning.”

“Well, what if she turned down other offers because of the plans we made?” 

“She left an hour ago with Mark after passing out on the couch in Hyuck’s room last night. I doubt she’s had the time to turn down any other offers. Actually, I think she’ll be glad you cancelled. She looked pretty hungover when she left.”

“Why are you being so difficult?” you whined, wincing when the throbbing in your head responded to the sudden increase in the volume of your voice. “I’m only asking you for a small favour.” 

“I’m not being difficult,” Jeno defended himself and took a few steps towards you. “I’m trying to tell you that you may be overthinking this. Let me send her a text from your phone asking for a reschedule, and we can have some homemade lunch with the guys.” 

Sighing heavily, you averted your gaze from his and stared at the ceiling. “I just don’t wanna blow this. I think she’s really cool and I’d like to get to know her more. I’m good friends with everyone in our social circle except her. It’s awkward.” 

Jeno’s eyes softened at that. “Y/N, you’re not blowing anything. Rescheduling lunch because you both partied till you collapsed is not going to take away any points. Trust me.” 

Your best friend was right. You were overthinking this, but you didn’t exactly blame yourself. All your efforts to befriend Jimin had been futile till now. You didn’t want to do anything that could mess up the friendship that had begun to bloom last night. 

“Fine,” you finally relented. “Shoot her a text from my phone. I think it’s in my clothes bag—” you paused, your eyes widening. Lifting Jeno’s duvet in panic, you looked down at yourself. “Who changed my clothes?” 

“Ningning did!” Jeno answered quickly, the tips of his ears turning a bright red. He couldn’t understand why he was freaking out—nothing happened. 

You exhaled in relief, trying to get rid of the alien tingling feeling spreading throughout your body. Your cheeks were hot with embarrassment. “Okay. Well, my phone’s in my clothes bag.” 

Jeno busied himself, rummaging through your backpack that was on his bedside table. What you didn’t know, however, was that it was just a front for him to calm himself down. “Got it.” He waved the phone at you. “What’s your pin?”

“Your birthday.”

His eyebrows disappeared into his hairline, and a seed of warmth sprouted in his chest. A dizzying sense of affection for you washed over him, drenching him in happiness from head to toe. “Really?” 

You nodded and closed your eyes. Turning on your side to get into a more comfortable sleeping position, you buried yourself deeper under his sheets. Yawning, you mumbled, “Day-Month-Year with leading zeros.” 

“My password is your birthday too,” he said quietly after sending Jimin the text. “A lot of them are. It’s the easiest set of numbers to remember.”

You didn’t respond. Jeno didn’t mind. He knew you’d already fallen asleep. Keeping your phone on the table, he smiled sadly and stared at your resting figure in longing. “Everything about you is so easy to remember.”

Jeno closed the door behind him as he left, none the wiser about the fact that you were still awake and had heard everything he’d said, your heart beating so fast that you thought it was going to leap out of your chest. 

Your best friend left, completely unaware of the fact that you were now entertaining the possibility of being in love with him. 

𝐒𝐈𝐃𝐄 𝐄𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐂𝐓𝐒 !

01. the green-eyed monster you resent makes an appearance more than you’d like

You genuinely couldn’t believe your friend group and their seemingly never-ending social battery. 

One would think that after a long night of partying, a person would stay at home the next day and take some much-needed rest. Your friends, however, thought it was a good idea to meet up for dinner and decide what to do over the weekend. 

You didn’t bother to remind them of the wonderful invention that was group chats. 

“We should drive up to the beach,” Mark suggested, flipping through the menu. “Summer just started, so I don’t think there will be a lot of people.” 

All of you were seated in a round booth at the back of a diner Chenle said he frequented. You weren’t going to lie; you could see why. The setting was very homey, and the cushioning of the sofa was very cosy—you were almost sure you were going to fall asleep even before your food arrived. 

Ningning, who was sitting beside Mark, peeked over his shoulder to see what was listed. Minjeong said, “That’s stupid. The start of summer is exactly when beaches get overcrowded. Most don’t get to visit the ocean during the year, so they make a beeline for the beach as soon as break begins.”  

“True,” you heard Jeno say. He leaned back in his seat and put his arm on the cushion behind you. You resisted the urge to lean in. Taking a sip of his water, he continued, “Besides, we’re already going to Jeju Island for a week next month. I don’t think we should drive three hours to go to the beach right now.” 

“What about karaoke?” Jimin piped up. She was sitting on the other side of Minjeong, opposite from Chenle, who was on the other side of the table. 

“We don’t need an entire weekend for just karaoke,” Chenle pointed out. “We could do it whenever we want.”

“Well, what about—” 

“Hey, can I take your order?” a female voice that was a combination of annoyed, upbeat, friendly and polite interrupted Minjeong. The girl looked a little flustered at being cut off, but she cleared her throat and mumbled a small yeah, just give us a minute.

The waitress did not move, so all of you awkwardly picked up the menu cards and began flipping through them. 

“The usual for me, Yuna,” Chenle said, smiling up at her. To diffuse the sudden tension created in the air, he began making small talk with her as she waited. 

“What are you eating?” Jeno asked. He was closer to you now, his eyes scanning the contents of the menu card in your hand over your shoulder. 

You shrugged. “I don’t think I’m eating anything. I’m not very hungry.” 

Jeno’s eyebrows creased, and he glanced at your face in worry. “You haven’t had anything since lunch. At least drink something.” 

“It’s fine.” You dismissed him with a wave of your hand and pushed the card in his direction so he could order whatever he wanted. “I won’t be able to finish anything by myself and I don’t wanna waste food.” 

“How about we share?” he insisted. “You eat however much you want, and I’ll finish the rest. Don’t go to sleep on an empty stomach.” 

An internal battle began. While Jeno’s suggestion was sensible, you knew he didn’t like to share his food with anyone. You remembered a time when he had refused to go on a second date with a girl because she kept nibbling on his meal. You didn’t want him to do something he hated just for your sake. 

“Really, it’s fine,” you repeated. “You go ahead and—”

“Hey, Y/N,” Yeji called, making you divert your attention to her. “You wanna share a triple-decker chicken sandwich? Chenle said this place is famous all over town for that dish.” 

You had to admit, a triple-decker chicken sandwich did sound tasty. But you’d just turned down Jeno, so you didn’t wanna say yes to Yeji. Shaking your head, you once again said, “I’m not hungry.”

“Why aren’t you hungry?” Mark frowned, overhearing your conversation. The rest of your friend group looked at you in concern. Ningning asked, “Are you okay?” 

You groaned. The last thing you wanted to do was explain to everyone why you didn’t have an appetite. “I’m okay. I’m just not hungry because I had a lot for lunch.”

“That’s a lie,” Jeno commented unhelpfully, and you smacked his shoulder hard in retaliation. He winced, rubbing the area of attack. “Hey!” 

“Shut up!” you exclaimed. Taking a deep breath, you said to everyone with as little annoyance in your voice as you could, “Please just order what you want. I still feel a little weird after last night’s party, and I don’t think I can stomach anything right now.” Before anyone could reply, you added, “I’m going to the restroom. Be right back.” 

Yeji looked a little stunned, but she got up from her seat and let you leave the booth when you requested her to move. Locking yourself in one of the stalls, you clutched your stomach and curled in on yourself, closing your eyes. 

Your period cramps were especially painful this time. Maybe it was because of last night’s exertion, but your cycle was early too. Your stomach was in too many knots for you to even think about eating anything. 

The washroom’s door opened, and you heard soft footsteps trudging towards you. Knocking on the only occupied stall’s door, a female voice asked, “Is everything okay, Y/N?” 

“Yeah,” you croaked, feeling tears burning your eyes. “Everything’s fine, Jimin. I just have period cramps, that’s all.” 

“Oh.” There was silence for a moment. “I have painkillers. Do you want them?” 

Exhaling through your mouth, you wiped your moist cheeks and stepped out of the stall. “Sure.”

Jimin smiled at you reassuringly and handed you a wet wipe, looping her arm through yours. “Don’t worry. I got you.”

Your heart swelled with happiness and gratitude. You’d wanted to connect with her for so long, and it finally felt like you were getting somewhere this time. Maybe you were being overemotional due to your fluctuating hormones, but you wanted to pull her into a hug.

“Oh, also,” you started a little sheepishly, “I wanted to apologise in person about cancelling on you earlier today. I drank and partied more than I should have. I thought about sending Jeno to cover for me, but he pointed out that it would have been awkward for you to see him when you were expecting me.”

“Woah, wait!” she gaped and took a step away from you. The shock on her face surprised you for a moment, but the feeling didn’t last long. “You’re kidding me! You should have kept insisting, Y/N! A lunch date would have been the perfect way for us to get closer!”

“I don’t think he would have considered the lunch a date because he was just a stand-in for me,” you said awkwardly, and threw the used wipe in the dustbin. 

Jimin waved you away as you walked out of the restroom and back to your booth. “I mean, yeah, it wouldn’t have been an official date, but it would have given me the opportunity to ask him out on a real one.”

“Right.”  

You hated the way you sounded. You hated the way your stomach churned, and your mood dropped. You hated that someone was pursuing Jeno. You hated that you were being forced to play Cupid, all thanks to your strong refusal to admit your feelings and the friendship you wanted to build with the girl next to you. 

“Oh, my God!” Jimin exclaimed, too immersed in her own fantasies to have noticed the change in your tone and demeanour. “I can make up for the missed opportunity by sitting next to him right now! You wouldn’t mind, would you?” 

You did mind. The idea of her making a move on your best friend made you want to dig a hole and cry. God, you were being so pathetic. This was completely unlike you, and you despised the way you were acting. You had to pull yourself together immediately. 

Besides, it wasn’t like you were ever going to explore these newfound feelings you had for Jeno. The last thing you wanted to do was ruin your friendship. Forcing an encouraging smile on your face, you said, “Um, sure! That’s a really good idea.”

“Took you guys long enough,” Chenle commented once you returned. 

You raised an eyebrow. “Did you have any other places to be?” 

“I mean I was worried.” He rolled his eyes. “We ordered food while you were gone. You sure you don’t want anything, Y/N?” 

“Yep,” you said, popping the last letter. “Scoot over and make space for us.” 

Yeji got up again and stood to the side as Jimin, and you slid into the booth. “The two of you better not make me get up again. I’m not budging even if you need to take a big dump.” 

“Sorry,” you muttered, smiling at her sheepishly. Making yourself comfortable, you grabbed your glass of water and dipped a straw in it, idly sipping the liquid. 

Jeno’s gaze caught yours from behind Jimin’s back. He pointed at her with a frown on his face and mouthed, “Why is she sitting beside me?” 

You waved him away and turned your attention to the rest of your friends. “Please tell me you guys finally decided what we’re doing over the weekend.”

“We did,” Mark piped up. “We’re thinking of going to an amusement park and then a water park.”

Jimin frowned. “Won’t those places be crowded as well?” 

“We just need to accept that most destinations will be. Everyone’s on break, so it doesn’t matter where we go. There will be people everywhere.” 

You agreed with Minjeong. “Amusement park it is. Can we hit the bars at night?”

“It won’t be much of a trip if we don’t.” Ningning grinned. “You sure you want to go clubbing so soon though? You were completely wasted when Jeno called me to his room and made me change your clothes last night.”

Mark snickered. “Are you scared of changing your own girlfriend’s clothes, Jeno?”  

Silence. No one spoke. 

NingNing was staring at Mark incredulously, and Yeji seemed to be suffering through an extreme case of second-hand embarrassment. Chenle pretended to flip through the menu while Minjeong grabbed her phone and scrolled through the apps on her home screen in an attempt to look busy. 

Jimin whirled to face you so fast that you wondered how her neck hadn’t snapped. You couldn’t even dare to look at Jeno to see what reaction Mark’s words had evoked out of him. 

Laughing awkwardly, you asked, “Who said we’re dating?” 

“You’re kidding me, right?” Mark scoffed in disbelief. “You guys are so bad at keeping your relationship private. Everyone knows there’s something going on between the two of you.” 

“Is that true?” Jeno asked, but no one present at the table dared to meet his gaze. “Do all of you think there’s something going on between Y/N and me?” 

“I mean….” Chenle began, dragging the word out. “You both are very close. People who claim to be just friends don’t cross the boundaries you two step all over everyday. But we’ve never seen you kiss either, so we’re not sure if you’re dating secretly or…” 

“You guys are crazy,” you interrupted. “Stop speculating about our relationship. It’s weird.” Turning to face a very betrayed-looking Jimin, you enunciated, “Jeno and I are just friends. That’s all there is to us.”

“Yeah,” Jeno added, glancing at you. “Y/N and I will only ever be friends. There’s no way I would date her. I don’t find her attractive in a romantic way.” 

Feeling a knot form in your heart and anger bubble in the pit of your stomach, you snapped, “Same. Jeno’s not even my type. I wouldn’t get together with him if we were the only people left on Earth.” 

Your friends exchanged knowing glances, and poor Jimin, who was stuck sitting between Jeno and you, made an attempt to diffuse the tension. “Okay, guys. We get it.” 

“I’m not sure you do,” Jeno hissed, staring all your friends down. “I can see your damn faces. The only way you’re going to believe I’m not into Y/N is if I prove it to you by going out with someone else.” 

Minjeong began, “That’s not—” 

“No, he’s right,” you fumed. Under the table, your hand curled into a fist. “The only way you guys are going to get this stupid image of Jeno and me being together romantically is if we date other people.” 

“The two of you are overreacting!” Yeji exclaimed. “There’s no need to get so defensive! We were wrong for assuming, and Mark was an idiot for opening his fat mouth. I’m sure you both would have told us if there was something. We’re all sorry.” 

There was a chorus of agreement on the table. Everyone genuinely seemed to be apologetic—except Mark, who was glaring at Yeji and looked mad for being called an idiot. His eyes met yours, and a sheepish smile took form on his lips. 

You huffed a small laugh and shook your head, but your heart was still in knots. There was a certain hollowness in the pit of your stomach. You felt sick and anxious. 

Did Jeno really have to say all those hurtful things just to convince your friends about your platonic relationship? He didn’t need to sound so offended and make your mutual denial a competition. 

Sure, you were the one who had declared there would never be anything more than just friendship between Jeno and you, but he didn’t have to cross the line by saying you weren’t appealing to him. 

Besides, you’d said what you’d said for Jimin. You didn’t actually mean the words that left your mouth. Considering the emotions you’d been feeling recently, it would be a lie to claim you didn’t hope for a different sort of future with Jeno. 

It didn’t matter anyway. A romantic relationship between the two of you wasn’t practical. Your best friend had never so much as hinted at wanting something more. 

In a twisted way, you were glad he said those wounding things. You needed to be pulled back to reality.

“Hey, Jeno,” you heard Jimin say once the food arrived and everyone started eating. “I was wondering if you wanted to grab lunch and watch a movie sometime this week?” 

Bile rose to your throat. You hoped to God he would say no. You didn’t care if you were being a shitty person; you didn’t think you could take any more of this torture. 

“Are you asking me out on a date?”

Your eyes were trained on your glass of water, but you didn’t need to look at him to know he was surprised. As much as you hated eavesdroppers, you couldn’t stop yourself from wanting to learn where this conversation was going. 

“I am.” Jimin chuckled nervously.

Jeno didn’t reply immediately. The rest of your friends were engaged in their own discussions with the people sitting next to them. The table wasn’t silent by any means, but the only things you could hear were Jimin waiting for his answer with bated breath and the pounding of your heart in your chest. 

Then, “I would be honoured.”

Oh, you were most definitely going to throw up.

02. you fall for them

You hadn’t talked to Jeno ever since dinner with your group.

He hadn’t reached out to you, and you hadn’t tried to contact him either. You’d received a text from Jimin the next day about the specifics of her date with Jeno. They were supposed to meet up for lunch at a restaurant near your college campus and then go out to watch some sappy rom-com. 

He didn’t even care for rom-coms. You’d begged him to watch one with you countless times and he’d always turned you down. Part of you wondered if he knew Jimin was updating you about everything and he was purposely pulling this shit to get back at you. 

But you dismissed the notion immediately. No way were you so dense and self-centred. Maybe Jeno genuinely was into Jimin. 

Your phone began ringing, and you rolled over on your bed, blindly searching for it on your bedside table. God, you hated being woken up in the middle of your afternoon naps. It almost always guaranteed a headache. 

“Hello,” you said groggily, your throat raw and dry. “Who is this?” 

“Oh! Did I wake you up?” It was Jimin. She sounded upbeat. Your heart sank. “I’m so sorry!” 

Pushing yourself up, you rubbed the gunk out of your eyes and made your way to the window. The darkness made you bump into the corner of your study table, and you bit down on your lip to keep a yelp from escaping. Hobbling, you threw the curtains open and said, “No worries. My alarm was just about to ring. How was the date?” 

Laughter bubbled from the other end of the phone line. “It was cool! He is a really good guy. No wonder everyone is head over heels for him. He opened the door for me, didn’t let me spend any money even though I asked him out, was an excellent listener, called me pretty and beautiful, and drove me back home. Oh, God, and the eye-contact? It made him a hundred times sexier.” 

Seems legit, you thought to yourself. Jeno had always been a gentleman. The other girls you’d set him up with had pretty much given you the same feedback. Part of you felt relieved that this date hadn’t been any different than the others he’d been on. 

Except the rom-com part, of course. For the life of you, you couldn’t figure out why he would agree to something he hated. 

“Ah, I’m happy for you, Jimin!” you exclaimed, trying your best to mean what you said. Your own words tasted like ash on your tongue. “Are you guys going on a second date?” 

“I’m not sure, to be honest. He said he had a great time with me, but when I tried to ask him out again, he just hugged me. That took me by surprise, and I kinda just forgot.” She laughed. “I know good dates usually end with a kiss, but the fact that he didn’t go for one didn’t bother me.”

“Oh,” you mumbled. Sitting on the ledge of your window, you asked, “That sounds nice. Do you think you’ll try asking him again?”

The last thing you expected her to say was no. And the way she said it… she didn’t sound sad or upset or disappointed. She sounded like herself. She sounded the way one would when they talked about the weather. 

It confused you. Didn’t Jimin just say the date was really good? She sounded so happy and delighted. Why was she backing out now?

“I—I don’t get it,” you sputtered. “I thought you were into him. I thought you had a great time today. Why aren’t you going to ask him out again? Did something else happen—?”

“Calm down.” She chuckled. “Nothing happened.” 

“Huh? Then what’s the problem?”

“Nothing happened,” she repeated. “That’s the problem. I like Jeno. He’s attractive, funny and caring. He’s everything a girl would want in a guy. But there was no spark between us. I had a great time with him, but hanging out today didn’t feel any different than usual. It felt like I was hanging out with a good friend, not with a potential romantic interest.

“I was looking forward to exploring what I felt for him. Turns out, it was just physical attraction. It also turns out that he wasn’t into me at all. If it wasn’t obvious the night we all went out for dinner, it was glaringly clear today. I think part of the reason he said yes was that he didn’t want to hurt my feelings,” she added. “The other—major—part was that he’s in love with someone else, and I would rather die than be a homewrecker.”    

“Oh,” you said again. You didn’t know how to respond to that. What did she mean Jeno is in love with someone else? You didn’t dare focus on the last part of what she’d said. You didn’t dare hope that the person she was referring to was you. “Well, I’m sorry it didn’t work out between the two of you. I’m sure you’ll find someone else easily. You’re a delight. Anyone would be lucky to date you.”

Jimin laughed again. “If you weren’t in love with Jeno too, Y/N, I would have thought you were into me.” 

It took a second for the words to register, but when they did, you felt your heart drop to your stomach. Forcing yourself to laugh, you croaked, “Whatever do you mean?” 

Saying that was a mistake. You should not have asked her to elaborate. She was going to make you come to terms with your feelings, and all the time and effort you’d spent denying and trying to get rid of them was going to go down the drain. 

Before she could speak, you made a static sound with your mouth. Then, you pretended that the connection was really bad. “Wha—hear—you. Try—back. Hell—?” 

You hung up before Jimin could call you out on your bullshit. A moment later, you saw a text pop up. 

[jimin]: that was soooo unsubtle  [y/n]: idk what ur talking ab!!!!!!! [jimin]: sure [jimin]: also a tiny heads up [jimin]: i told jeno to stop being a pussy and an asshole so he’s on his way 2 ur place now [y/n]: WHAT THE FUCK [jimin]: i’m going 2 pretend u said thank u [jimin]: don’t forget ab our dinner date tmrw [jimin]: have fun <3 

It was crazy how the bell rang almost immediately after you read the last text. You wondered if the timing was planned and that Jimin had told Jeno to wait till she gave him the go-ahead. 

You trudged to the front door and took a deep breath before opening it.

“Hey,” Jeno mumbled with a small smile. His hair was ruffled, as if he had run his hands through it several times. “Can I come in?” 

Biting the inside of your cheek, you nodded and moved out of the way to make space for him to step inside. He shoved his hands inside the pockets of his jeans and stood awkwardly. 

“You can sit,” you said, feeling the corners of your lips curl up in amusement. 

He sighed and wove his fingers through his strands again. “Not before I apologise for my behaviour. I was completely out of line that day,” he said. “I shouldn’t have said those things. I didn’t mean them.” 

“So you don’t think I’m unattractive?” 

You meant to tease him, but the next thing you knew, he was standing toe-to-toe with you, a desperate and guilt-ridden expression adorning his face. “God, no. You’re the most beautiful person I have ever seen. I only said that because… because I knew it would hurt you.” 

Jeno was standing too close to you. You could barely breathe, much less think. But that didn’t stop you from asking, “Why would you want to hurt me?” 

He didn’t answer for what felt like an entire minute. He only kept staring at you, an internal battle raging inside him. Then, he let loose a breath of frustration and moved away. He refused to look at you, and your patience kept slipping with each moment that passed. 

Right when you thought it would snap, Jeno spoke up, “It hurt me when you said you and I would only ever be friends. I know how stupid it sounds, but it really did. For years, I’d been pining after you and hoping that maybe we could be something more in the future. I felt like an idiot when I realised wouldn’t ever view me in that light. 

“You got so defensive when Chenle said all our friends were suspicious of us being in a secret relationship. I couldn’t help but wonder if you felt disgusted at the idea of us being together. I got angry at myself for being naive and said those horrible things without even realising.” 

You didn’t know what to say. This was the second time you’d been rendered speechless in the past thirty minutes. It was one revelation after the other; you were having a hard time keeping up.

“You—you like me?” you stuttered. 

Jeno laughed humourlessly and looked you dead in the eyes. “I love you, Y/N.” 

“No.” 

“Yes.” 

You took a step back. “No, no, no, no—”

“Yes,” he pressed. “I’m sorry that I do. I know this changes everything, but I couldn’t keep it in anymore. I just—”

“Why would you go out with Jimin if you… if you love me?” you whispered. 

“Partly to see your reaction and partly in an attempt to get over you,” he admitted. “It didn’t work. I just—I just couldn’t stop thinking about you the entire time I was with her. I felt so guilty for saying such terrible things because I couldn’t deal with my emotions and come to terms with reality. I’m really sorry, Y/N.” 

You swallowed the lump in your throat. “I’m sorry too.”

“You don’t have to apologise for not loving me back—”

“That’s not what I’m apologising for,” you interrupted and walked towards him until your abdomens were touching. “I’m apologising for not seeing it sooner. I’m apologising for encouraging Jimin to ask you out even though it killed me. I’m apologising for denying my feelings time and time again. I’m apologising for saying we would only ever be friends. The last thing I want is for our relationship to be platonic.” 

Jeno was barely breathing. “What are you saying?” 

“I’m saying I love you too, Lee Jeno,” you mumbled and stood on your toes, cupping cheeks with your palms. “I’m saying I want you to kiss me.” 

The words didn’t register immediately, but his lips were on yours the moment they did. 

Jeno’s arm snaked around your waist, and he pulled you closer. His hand grabbed your neck from behind, and he tilted his neck to the side, deepening the kiss. 

Your breath hitched in your throat. All you could feel was him. Your nerve-endings were short-circuiting, and pure adrenaline was coursing through your veins. You didn’t think you’d ever been as satisfied and euphoric as you were right now.

Jeno’s lips slotted with yours perfectly. You smiled to yourself upon realising he tasted like chocolates. Your best friend always ate a piece before any event he deemed to be very important. He claimed they gave him good luck. 

Letting go of one of his cheeks, you grabbed the round collar of his shirt and pressed your mouth harder against his. The nights you’d spent wondering how kissing him would feel and then hating yourself immediately for having such thoughts amounted to this. 

You didn’t want to hold back. 

But you had to ask him a question. It didn’t matter how stupid or ridiculous it was; you wanted to know the answer. So, you broke the kiss and inquired with your body still tangled with his, “Why the hell did you agree to watch a rom-com with Jimin?” 

“Really?” he asked exasperatedly. “You wanna talk about Jimin while we’re making out?” 

“I wanna know why you watched a rom-com with her when I’ve been begging you to watch one with me for so long,” you corrected. 

Jeno was silent for a moment, as if contemplating whether or not to tell you. You raised an eyebrow. “Well,” he started, blowing out a breath. “She told me you set her up with me, and it pissed me off even more. I knew she’d tell you all about our date, so I suggested we watch a rom-com. I knew you’d be riled up once you realised.” 

You snorted. Who knew? You weren’t actually being a self-centred narcissist when you suspected the same. “You’re an idiot. I was already riled up you were going out with her.” 

“Oh, yeah?” he teased. “Why’d you encourage her in the first place then?”

“Honestly, at first, I thought I could use you to further my friendship with her,” you admitted. Jeno scoffed in disbelief. “Yeah, I know. That was kinda shitty of me. But when I realised I was falling for you, I pushed her to pursue you in an attempt to convince myself I was not into you. That obviously backfired and did the very opposite. I was horribly miserable. I wanted to shoot myself everytime I heard her gush about you.” 

He smirked. “She gushed about me?” 

“Oh, get over yourself.” You shoved his shoulder playfully. “How’d you end up here after your date? Jimin texted me that you were coming.”

“Tough, but I’ll try.” He laughed. “She was probably able to tell how disinterested I was. After the date when I dropped her home and hugged her instead of kissing her, she just confronted me and asked if I was in love with you. Then told me to not bother answering because it was obvious. She said she didn’t want to get in the middle of us and threatened to kick my ass if I didn’t come here to make amends immediately.” 

You grinned. “Oh, the things I would have done to witness that scene.” 

“It was scary.” Jeno frowned. “She hit my shoulder really hard when I said I was in love with you and called me an idiot for going out with her. I think she was angry at herself too for being oblivious to our situationship. It was one of the weirdest dates I’ve ever been on.” 

“Jimin actually said she had a great time with you. She told me it was nice.”

“Really?” he asked, sounding surprised. 

You placed a chaste kiss on Jeno’s mouth. “Hmm, I wonder how good the best date you’ve ever been on would be then.” 

He chased your lips and kissed you back deeply. Caressing your cheekbone with stars twinkling in his eyes, Jeno said, “I guess we’ll know when I take you out.”

“No way, are you officially asking me out on a date, Lee Jeno?” you asked, and let out a fake gasp. 

“Damn right I am,” he declared. “I don’t want the amusement park trip with our friends to be our first day out as a couple. Do you wanna grab some food tomorrow afternoon? We can go to the trampoline park before that.” 

You smiled softly. “That sounds wonderful. But,” you added. “No more flirting with restaurant staff for free food, or I’ll go ballistic on you.” 

Jeno laughed, and you thought it was the most beuatiful sound you had ever heard. His chest rumbled with the force of it, his eyes creasing to look like small crescent moons. Slipping his hand into yours, he squeezed once. 

“Wouldn’t even dream of it.” 

note: THANK U FOR READING TILL THE END WHAT ??? loads of hugs and kisses :’)) also i know i said this before but posting after a rlly long time has lowkey made me anxious LOLL i think i could have done better with the fic esp the end bc it’s a little rushed. honestly speaking i am ready to move on to my next wip and i don’t wanna spend more time rewriting this one :(( i still love this piece though and i would definitely love to hear your thoughts amigos!! stay healthy and hydrated <33

thank you to mira for coming in clutch and helping me out with the plot when i was stuck + giving me her honest opinion! thank you to dori too for reading parts of this fic and giving me her opinion as well! i love you both :D

taglist: @notbeforelong​ @w3bqrl​ @rikiflowers​ @mochisnlix​ @allorysayshi​ @hiqhkey​ @angel-hyuckie​​ @j4kesworld​ @timetoten​ @vantxx95​ @sweetjaemss​​ @ahnneyong​ @jennaissantes @sunshine-skz​ @baekhyunstruly​ @ja4hyvn​ @ily-cuz-i​​ @kdyism​ @keemburley @n0hyuck @luvenshiti @donutswithjaminthemiddle @mosviqu @deobitiful @jeonnyread @pjofics @venusprada @matchahyuck @tbzussy @babyksworld @bockhyun @rbf-aceu @ablackbtsstan @tamakofever @naemakkuri @sadgirlroo @fariylixie0915 @pradagukkie @babyjenono @hibernatinghamster @jaemnationnn @variety-is-the-joy-of-life @carelessshootanonymous @nctzennikki09

[bunnliix]

When Eight Becomes Nine - Chapter Eleven

I may have taken my sweet time writing this, but in my defense, the Felix smut was what my brain wanted to write first, and then life got to me and made me really busy. And here I am, finishing this fic at 3am in the morning lol. But have fun with the chaos of this fic hehe.

Pairing: Ateez x 9th member!reader  Summary: We see the aftermath and chaos of the company's decision, plus y/n gets some much needed comfort. Oh, and a reveal! wc: 1.8k AU: a/b/o  Genre: Fluff/Angst  warnings: fighting and slapping, threats, angst, slut-shaming and derogatory talk towards y/n, use of the words slut,pussy, whore, etc., lots of misogyny in this chapter folks, and a bunch of like derogatory talk about omegas that is absolutely misogynistic and sexist, lots of cursing, implications that people would take advantage of others, disassociating kinda, shitty people being called the names they deserve, this should be everything masterlist

The fighting went on, it seemingly would never end as insults and angry words kept being thrown back and forth. Ateez and their management yelled back and forth over who had the decision making power over the new member, and for the most part, the auditionees just watched it all happen. What could they do? Nothing. They were just the pawns in the game, really, if one thought about it.

“You said we could have the ability to pick the final member out of that group! We don’t want anyone but y/n!” Wooyoung yelled, getting in the face of one of the staff members, having to be pulled away by Mingi and Yunho.

“I will take all of my members, and we’ll leave KQ, if you continue to insist on your pick for the ninth member. I am not above leaving. We,” Hongjoong said as he gestured to the rest of Ateez, “are not above leaving. I don’t think you want to test how far you can push us before we push back.” He said, his words a thinly veiled threat.

“Who would take you? They don’t want an established group.” The staff member who started all of this stated.

“I can think of a few companies who would gladly take us. You forget we’re a group that has a very large international audience, which is what companies want nowadays.” Hongjoong said, almost too calmly.

“We’ll leave, take everything we can with us, and we’ll go start somewhere else. Atiny will follow us, they like us, not you.” Hongjoong spelled it out for the staff members, who quickly realized that they might want to back down on this.

“God, is your pussy really that great that they’ll go to bat for you like this? Well, I guess a slut like you knows how to please, honestly that’s all omega’s are good for, anyways. Just a quick fuck, nothing more.” She heard the voice speak again, and this time it was louder, since she saw some of the other auditionees’ heads turn. She would have turned to look at who it was, but she couldn’t take her eyes off of the idols across the table.

It was apparent to the others, though not to the y/n nor the person behind her, that not only had the other auditionees’ heard those words, but so had a member of the group. Before anyone could process the idol’s actions, Jongho had launched himself across the room and tackled whoever had been sitting behind her, the two landing on the floor with a thump. This stopped any fighting in its tracks.

“You want to say that again?” Jongho growled as he pinned the other person to the floor, teeth bared.

“Y-You heard me.” They said, a stutter appearing as they tried to mask any fear of the beta on top of them.

“I would bet that you’re also the person who leaked those pictures to Dispatch. Since you’re so intent on being jealous that you weren’t picked.” The maknae idol deduced.

“And if I did? What are you going to do about it?” They taunted him, somehow overcoming their fear.

“Jongho, get off of him. Now.” Hongjoong ordered, moving over to where the maknae was.

“No.”

“Jongho, now.”

“He was telling lies to y/n. Telling her that she and omegas were only good for a quick fuck, and that we were only fighting for her because she was good in bed. His words were more vulgar, and I won’t repeat them.” Jongho said, never looking away from the target of his rage.

“It’s not a lie. Omegas are only good for fucking, that’s it. That’s their purpose in life, is to be good little broodmares for betas and alphas. Besides, what talent does she have, she’s barely done anything while we’ve been here, and has only monopolized the attention of all of you.” They spat out, glaring over at y/n before their view of her was replaced with Mingi.

Hongjoong turned to look at the staff and managers with a murderous look on his face. They really wanted someone like this, to become part of Ateez? “You wanted a disgusting piece of shit like this, to become a member of Ateez? Someone who will look down on his fellow members because of their subgender? You were going to let someone like this interact with Atiny, and based on his words, probably abuse power as an idol to take advantage of them?” He raged, his voice becoming increasingly louder until he was shouting at them.

The staff tried to stammer out excuses, claiming they knew nothing of the beta’s opinions. It was clear to everyone that none of the idols believed the words coming out of their managers’ mouths, though to his credit, their main manager didn’t say anything, just sat down and stayed quiet while the others talked out of their asses. In return for his silence, he received disappointed looks from the eight idols, half of whom were still filled with rage against the beta and the others.

Wooyoung rushed over to y/n’s side once the shock and anger of the situation was pushed aside in favor of concern for his omega baby. Placing his hands on her shoulders to turn her to face him, as she still spaced out.

“Baby omega, c’mon come look at me,” he pleaded. “It’s okay, so come back to me, to us.”

His words, plus his scent of flowers and cinnamon turning slightly burnt as he worried, brought y/n back to the present. She looked over at the other omega, whose face was filled with worry.

“Wooyoung-ssi?” She asked, still a bit dazed from her intense focus on what was now just an empty spot in the room.

“Hi baby omega, how are you feeling?” He asked her, as the others looked over at the two of them.

“God, I knew it from the moment that the hag of an omega dragged you away, that you were an attention whore.” The beta cut in, making everyone’s heads’ snap to him.

Y/n’s face dropped as she realized who exactly said that, but she couldn’t get a word in before the sound of a slap rang out. Mingi had stepped forward, kneeling down and slapping the beta’s cheek so hard that a bruise had already started to form.

“Aaron, why are you like this? You were so nice to me.” Y/n asked, confused.

“Because you’ve done nothing to deserve anything you’ve gotten here. I’ve worked my ass off for years, and I’ve been passed over in favor of omegas. Because of your kind, I can’t get anything, omegas are always the ones chosen for things, never betas. I deserve this. I’m way more talented than you are, and I’m not a fucking whore who sleeps her way into the team. I don’t monopolize Ateez’s attention, not like you have. You got private sessions with San and Yunho, I saw it. And fuck it was amazing to see how much hate you’re still getting for it. You should just go back home, y’know, and be the little omega housewife, because that’s all you’re good for.” Aaron goes off on a rant, inadvertently revealing that he was the one that leaked the photos to Dispatch.

The anger in the room was palpable, and y/n wasn’t the only one to shrink in on herself because of it. Wooyoung held her tighter, his arms snaking around her to pull her closer, as the two of them watched the others crowd around the three on the floor, as they noticed that the staff ushered the other auditionees out of the conference room.

“So, you’re the one who put my members’ careers at risk, and put them in the middle of a scandal? You’re the one who made my members worried and stressed because you’re jealous that another person, that wasn’t you, caught our eye? Y’know, it's fitting that it’s you. You look as pathetic as you actually are. Only someone who knows they’re inadequate stoops so low as to bring others down to their level. You’re passed over in favor of omegas, because they’re obviously better than you. And y/n is one of those omegas.” Hongjoong said, his words filled with condescension towards Aaron. “Say goodbye to any chance of making it in the industry, here or back home. Word gets around about bad people.” The captain finished.

Seonghwa turned to the staff that remained in the room. “If you don’t get security here within the next few minutes, and make sure he’s escorted back to his room so he can pack up and then driven to the airport to fly back to whatever dump he’s from, we will take it into our hands. I don’t think you want the media, or Atiny, knowing that you were going to let someone who tried to ruin two members of Ateez, into the group. Nor will the police be happy if they find out that they were deceived, if any of you knew about what he had done, to not only San and Yunho, but to an innocent person in all of this.”

Yeosang, normally not one to be overly touchy feely when things are stressful, moved over to Wooyoung and y/n, in need of comfort from his omega friend. Wooyoung immediately noticed and pulled the alpha close, the now trio taking comfort in one another. The two men silently communicated, both hoping that management would fail in the task given to them, so that the stain on the floor would be dragged out by police instead. They were disappointed when security rushed into the room, and once Jongho had pulled away from the beta, the team of security guards led the disgraced auditionee out of the conference room, and away from the lives of the now nine members of Ateez.

Hongjoong was quick to collect the rest of the group, including y/n, and bid goodbye to the staff members, not sparing them another glace as he led his group out into the hallway. Y/n was pushed into the middle of their protective circle, with Seonghwa and Wooyoung on either side, and Mingi behind the trio to bring up the rear as the others surrounded the trio of omegas. The group of nine were led to the practice room, as it was the easiest and quickest place to regroup.

Once everyone was settled in the room, most sprawled out on the floor, including y/n whose head was laid in Yeosang’s lap as the man ran his hands through her hair, silence settled over the group as everyone processed what had just occurred. That silence lasted until the youngest omega shot up, almost hitting Yeosang’s chin, as she realized exactly what the group had been fighting for in the first place.

“Wait. You want me to be the ninth member of Ateez?!” She shouted out, in complete shock.

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Taglist is: open!

[satoruxx]

NORTHERN LIGHTS.

✧ PAIRING: kaeya alberich x fem!reader | 4.5k words

✧ SUMMARY: smut, p -> v, praise, fingering, lots of pining, angst, angsty bc it’s kaeya tbh lol, kaeya lore but it’s vague, also military themes bc sometimes we forget kaeya is a captain and i love the knights of favonius, he’s highkey got commitment issues but i think he’s valid, man is whipped tho, he's just an overthinker and traumatized, also can you tell i’m a med student?

✧ RHEYA'S NOTE: first i have to apologize bc this is SO late??? i got this request back for my 200 event, asking for kaeya with the song northern lights by kennie (which is such a good song). at first i was gonna make it a short little drabble, but the more i wrote, the more i wanted to make it a full fic, which is what ended up happening. kaeya's character has so much depth and i wanted to explore it hehe. northern lights is such a fitting song for him so i just had to go all in. but i'm so sorry that i got to your request so late, hopefully you still enjoy it lovely! (even tho it’s not the main focus in this fic, this is technically my first real smut fic so take it with a grain of salt; i don't think i write it that well LMAO)

it was rare to truly know your own weaknesses, but kaeya knew his a little too well. behind his carefree, unbothered exterior he cared a little too much. he cares a little too much when klee tugs on his fur cape and whines about a scolding she’s gotten from jean, and he ends up indulging her with whatever she’d like. he cares a little too much when rosaria spills just a tad more than usual during her drunken ramblings. he cares a little too much when he sees the discomfort in the face of certain fiery bartender as they speak, and he consistently lies awake and remembers days when that discomfort between them didn’t exist.

it’s a curse, he thinks, because he always ends up feeling too attached to people he knows he shouldn’t be attached to.

even now, his weakness is acting up as he barks orders to his soldiers. they scramble around him as they enter the city, carrying their wounded brethren to safety up at the cathedral. kaeya knows he shouldn’t blame himself but as their captain he feels like he should’ve seen this coming. new recruits wouldn’t be able to handle the hordes of monsters at daduapa gorge—he miscalculated.

“take them to the sisters at the cathedral. sister barbara and the others should be able to heal them,” kaeya commands, clasping one of the men’s shoulders and helping him up to the church. he’s ignoring the now dull throbbing in his side as blood stains his clothes—his soldiers were most important right now. like he said, he cared a little too much.

the nurses had set up a medical station at the cathedral, and in between all the commotion, kaeya’s finally able to hand over the groaning soldier to a nurse, who immediately gets to work.

he then takes a few steps back to assess the damage, grateful that all of his soldiers are getting the attention they needed. he’d hate himself if there were any losses today.

he doesn’t even realize that he’s now leaning against the wall, panting shallowly as blood continues to pour from his abdomen. oh well, he’d wait his turn—only after his soldiers were taken care of.

kaeya shuts his eyes, letting his body rest for a minute.

“you’re wounded.”

his eyes shoot open to see you standing in front of him. he assumes you’re not one of the nuns because your clothes are entirely different. you’re young, appearing to be around his age as you eye his torso critically.

“it appears so,” he answers.

“did someone take a look at you yet?”

“i’d prefer all my soldiers be taken care of first.”

your eyes flash with recognition. “so you’re captain kaeya?”

“indeed i am.” he lets his eyes roam over your concerned features.

you give him a small smile before continuing with a sigh. “i can safely tell you that all the wounded are being treated. i’m still an apprentice so i’m only here to deal with the non fatal injuries. like yours, captain.” you crouch down in front of him, fingers reaching towards his clothing with a silent question of permission. he lets his hand slacken as he gives you a nod and you attempt to peel back as many layers as you can to asses the damage before you’re motioning him towards a tent.

a few minutes later and kaeya is letting you strip his torso bare until you have a full view of his injury. your fingers brush over the wounded skin gently, and he wonders if you even touched him at all. “it’s long, but not too deep. a few stitches and you should be alright. if you’re okay with it, i’ll get started,” you tell him.

kaeya wants to tell you that he’s no stranger to the pain of injuries, but he finds something oddly refreshing about your comforting attitude, so he just says yes and lets you begin to work.

you thread through the skin with a delicate hand and despite the sting he honestly can’t even focus on it, choosing instead to analyze your features.

he realizes that you’re awfully pretty.

kaeya makes small talk with you as you work, partly to stay awake through the pain and mostly because he can’t stop his curiosity. he finds out your name, your hobbies, your goals. you may not have the most exciting life but kaeya thinks there’s something so alluring about you it makes him a little dizzy. he's not sure what it is, but he thinks about it the whole time you tend to his wound. realization hits when you finally finish, looking up at him with a smile, and kaeya realizes that your eyes hold the stars in them.

it’s hard to explain but when kaeya watches you work, nose scrunching in the dim lighting of the tent, he thinks you remind him of home.

(kaeya has chased the stars for as long as he can remember. he remembers shouting with diluc in the grass behind the winery, the two of them reaching for celestia because the stars up there were so undeniably pretty.

"we're never gonna get them!" diluc would laugh, trying hard to balance kaeya on his little shoulders. "they're too far…"

and kaeya only grins down at him toothily, raising his fists to the sky. "no way! i'll catch them one day!"

and yet his whole childhood went by without being able to capture the stars. as he grew older he started to learn that it was impossible to steal what the sky so selfishly held on to.

but even as an adult, kaeya knows to appreciate the stars when he gets the privilege to see them in the sky.

especially after he finally seems to find them in the dim glow of a medical tent.)

he hates to admit how often his eyes seek you out after that one encounter. sometimes he’ll see you at the cat's tail, giggling with your friends as you slam tcg cards down on the table triumphantly. other times he’ll catch a glimpse of you at good hunter, chewing on a quick meal as you browse through a book. almost every time he gets caught staring you only smile and offer him a little wave that sends his brain into a frenzy.

(maybe in another life kaeya would allow himself the luxury. he’d let himself go through the motions for you. let himself stress every time you threw a glance his way. work up the courage to ask you out on saturday afternoon. finally get the chance to press his lips to yours. trace your skin with nimble fingers and have the privilege to call you his.

in another life maybe.

but for now he’ll just keep you his own little secret—a guilty pleasure he’ll indulge in because it’s hard to rid an addiction, especially if you don’t have the will to rid it in the first place.)

kaeya’s messed up this summer. he knows it in his soul that he’s made the wrong decision as he watches you babble about something as you lean against his bare chest, still basking in your own afterglow.

he knows that he should have resisted the temptation. as soon as he and the troops got back and he saw you sitting in a secluded corner at angel’s share he knew that his feelings for you hadn’t dissolved.

they say absence makes the heart grow fonder and kaeya only now knows this to be true because just the sight of you sends his mind into a frenzy. you could probably feel his gaze on you because you look up from the book you’re reading and make straight eye contact with him. for a second, he wants to turn away but then you smile at kaeya like you’ve never once forgotten him, and he’s putty. before he knows it, he’s buying you a drink and walking over to your little corner to make himself comfortable.

it’s a slow descent for him because in his head he knows he shouldn’t get too attached. he’ll leave again soon with the troops, and who knows maybe he’ll leave them behind one day too. his future has always looked so clouded to him, and he knows you belong in the sun. he’d like to leave you there in the light—avoid dragging you into his darkness.

so he tries to keep it simple, occasionally meeting you for a drink or catching up around the city. but then you’re showing him your favorite place to study near starfell lake and he’s showing you his favorite stars while laying on his back on starsnatch cliff. and he knows he can’t avoid it.

soon enough he’s giving into everything he said he wouldn’t, finally finding out what you taste like. finally knowing how his name sounds when it falls from your lips.

it's more addicting than he could've predicted, the feeling of your breath against his skin as you pant out his name. kaeya can't even bring himself to pull away from you to stop and think for a second. if he did then maybe he could slap some sense into himself and draw some distance because archons above he was digging himself deeper into this hole. but he can't, not when you're gripping his shoulders as he presses you against the wall of his bedroom, whining into his lips for all that he can give you.

and kaeya is nothing if not generous.

so he indulges both you and himself—the perfect mix of selfless and selfish as he guides you to his bed, nimble fingers loosening the ties of your clothing until you're bare in front of him. he can see the bashfulness settling into your cheeks and he almost feels like goading for just a minute, but he decides he'll be nice.

you've always deserved a nice guy anyway.

he tries to push that thought away, instead distracting himself with the heat of your body, his fingers dancing along your skin eagerly. maybe, just this one night, he can let it be about you two. he can afford to forget about all the old promises he's made—all the responsibilities and duties he devoted himself to a lifetime ago.

kaeya ignores the flush of heat crawling up his neck as he hovers over you, caging your body underneath his as you squirm in anticipation. he understands—the tightness in his pants is enough for him to feel the same. but he's not worried about that, not when his fingers part your thighs eagerly, brushing over heated skin and finding slick wetness there as he dips into your cunt. he hears the sharp intake of breath, the quiet restrained moan, and he preens. kaeya revels in the sounds he pulls from your lips as his fingers curl against your slick heat, your head lolling back against his pillows.

there's a possessive streak of something that cuts through him then—something that tells him how he aches to be the only one who gets to hear those sounds.

it makes him slightly sick.

kaeya realizes then—he's been quite stupid when it comes to you. he's kept the maelstrom of feelings brewing in his soul trapped under all his bravado, arrogant and cowardly all at once. he needs to tell you, needs to be honest because this isn't something he can trick his way out of.

but all he wants to do is run. run so far away from you because he doesn't want you to to get caught up in his own ruin. you're far too good for him, too sweet and carefree to be tainted by his sin-laden hands. he needs to run.

but he does none of that, not when he's guiding his fingers to the apex of your thighs and exploring territory he knows he shouldn't claim. because then you look at him with an expression so blissful—so thankful, relieved that he's giving you a part of himself he never wanted to—and he can't even be angry about it.

kaeya presses his lips to the swell of your chest, feeling the rapid thumping of your heart under your skin, and he shuts his eyes as he breathes out your name. you answer with a resounding mewl, catching his eyes even through the dark strands of his hair.

he then chooses to focus on pumping his fingers in and out of your cunt because archons do you look heavenly when your eyes roll back like that.

but it scares him, the way you leave him open and exposed and aching even when he doesn't want to be.

in his head you're perfect, all bright and glowing under him as you chant his name like he's some kind of savior. but kaeya isn't a savior—if anything he's destruction in human form, sent by the heavens to wreak havoc on those around him. he'd destroyed enough already—he doesn't think he can do it to you too.

but archons the way you're looking at him now, from under fluttering lashes and dewy eyes that shine even brighter when they're trained on him—begging, pleading, and oh so trusting of him and every thing he wants to give you. he can't even help himself.

"i know, sweet girl," he sighs, voice strained as you buck your hips just perfect—a temptress, sent to lead him to his doom. and yet he can't stop his fingers from pushing back your hair from your sweaty skin, knowing that he should be careful because he doesn't want to destroy something as fragile as this.

"kaeya please," your breath comes out in short desperate pants, nails digging into the fabric of his shirt and sliding it off his shoulders haphazardly.

"i know," he repeats, reaching down to heft your thigh over his waist as he slots his hips against your own, biting back a groan at the sensitive brush against his cock—throbbing, aching, needy.

"ah fuck," he's almost shy at the way his voice shakes as he lines his cock up, the heat and slickness of your cunt a teasing caress against his sensitive head. he drops his forehead against your shoulder, breathing heavily even before he's inside you because something about this makes him so incredibly nervous. a single desperate whine and the soft squeeze of your fingers into his biceps and he's stilling—breath catching, heart pounding.

for a moment, he doesn't even feel like himself. he's not anything, no one.

and then he slides in and kaeya knows that there will never be anything better—another experience that would feel this right in his life.

he pulls out a little, gaze lingering at the sweat beading at your forehead, and something in his chest stutters. "okay?" he traces your face for any hint of hesitation—of the nervousness that he feels in his gut, but all he finds is a stormy mix of desire and devotion.

"uh huh," reassurance, stability—everything he isn't. his brows pinch, eyes shutting because he doesn't want you to know.

he's pulled out of the whirlwind that is his thoughts when he feels your fingers on his cheek, brushing over his skin gently. his eyes snap open, and even through the haze he can feel himself relaxing under your touch, because the way you're looking at him is so undeniably loving and it makes his stomach flip.

"you okay?" you whisper, looking up at him carefully, and kaeya feels as though you've put him between the halves of a microscope slide to analyze him.

"i'm fine," he breathes out, not a lie but not the whole truth either. "don't worry."

his words do little to quell you, but one roll of his hips has your eyes fluttering, a choked moan escaping your throat, and the sound makes his pride sing.

there's an image then—hazy and yet so obvious as his brain registers it. the implications behind it makes his stomach churn.

quiet smiles, hazy kisses, soft goodbyes—and then the inevitable distance as he crosses over the border separating your world from his. a lone figure standing in the streets of mondstadt, always waiting for him to come back. always disappointed.

you buck your hips upward, blissfully unaware of the torrent of conflicting emotions in his head. kaeya's brain short-circuits, and then he's pushing back, a steady rhythm against your gummy walls that takes the breath out of your lungs. you savor every thrust, punctuated by the sharp grunts he lets out against your throat.

your fingers rake over his back, desperate and needy and focused on one thing only—kaeya, kaeya, kaeya.

"that's it sweetheart," he doesn't have any more control—not on his mind, his body, his mouth. they've all escaped his grasp, too spurred on by you and everything you're willing to offer him.

"'s okay…ah fuck…it's okay," kaeya groans into the column of your throat, not sure whether he's telling you or himself. the clench of your walls sends him spiraling, hips picking up the pace as he pistons his cock in and out—trying to find out just how far he can go.

then he hits one spot, and his vigilant gaze catches the way your jaw slackens, eyes glazing over even as they roll back and a shaky moan escapes your throat—surprised, unexpecting. his ego jumps.

an experimental roll of his hips against the same spot and you make a sound so unhinged that he finds himself already addicted to it. and to tease is in his nature.

"yeah? right there?" he drawls, masking his anxiousness with his bravado once again.

"right there," you whimper, nodding meekly as you grip his shoulders. he huffs out a soft laugh, pressing a gentle kiss to your eyelids like he's trying to kiss away the tears that have gathered there. you preen under his ministrations—it feels a little too domestic.

he understands. it scares him, but he understands. he wonders what the point of worrying is—wonders why he's letting his paranoid brain taint this moment that he'd been waiting for. the only solution left is to ignore it. because you're here, writhing underneath him in the throes of pleasure, vulnerable and trusting and just for him. he should give you what you deserve after all.

so kaeya pushes every other thought out of his head, only focused on you and making you feel good because that's what someone like you deserves—everything you desire laid at your feet.

he presses a chaste kiss to your mouth, paired with a languid roll of his hips as he quietly groans. "okay…." his voice comes out an octave lower, pushed down by the barely concealed need for you. "okay sweet girl. i've got you."

another searing kiss as he breathes through his nose, picking up the pace again as he slams his cock into the spot that makes you see stars. your moans get louder even as they remain muffled against his lips, and kaeya can't help but dig his fingers into the meat of your thigh, leaving behind finger shaped dents in the plushy skin.

a claim—possessive, desperate, selfish.

your kisses become sloppier as kaeya leads you closer to the edge, walls clenching around the length of him, tighter with every thrust he delivers. the chants of his name have become almost reverent, and kaeya thinks his name couldn't possibly sound more beautiful than in that moment. he wonders if he could be blessed to hear it for the remainder of his life, and the thought sends pure unadulterated need through him.

his hips stutter, red hot fire coursing through his chilled veins—building, climbing, overwhelming as every sense goes fuzzy with heat. his grunts become more irregular, in time with the reckless thrusts of his cock as your cunt tightens around him greedily.

his cock twitches as you suck him in eagerly, feeling every ridge and vein as he grunts and groans and tightens his hold on you—unyielding, unrelenting, selfish.

your eyes stay locked on his even as your orgasm rips through you, and kaeya sees celestia in them—brighter than ever before. your muscles spasm, clenching almost painfully as you tremble and writhe underneath him, and he follows you to the doorstep of nirvana with a throaty groan. his hips stutter, twitching and throbbing as he pants out a broken chorus of your name and every praise that doesn't do you justice.

then he drops his forehead against yours, watching your eyelids flutter—celestial stars dim. a soft brush of your lips against his.

your muscles go lax, every guard dropped just for him—trust he realizes, trust he doesn't deserve. he doesn't know how to tell you that.

because even after everything—when you're curled up against his chest, skin warm and dewy against his own, he does not think about how he adores the feeling of your hair brushing against his arm, nor does he focus on the soft tickle of your breathing washing over him. instead he thinks about how he's ruined it all, how he's dragged you into him, and how he needs to let you go before he destroys you completely.

at the end of the summer, kaeya tells you he can’t.

“what are you talking about?” you ask him, a light chuckle escaping your lips as you barely focus on his words. your nose is buried in some medical text, and kaeya thinks that the universe is punishing him now by making him repeat himself.

“us. we shouldn’t have…” he sighs, shoulders dropping. “i mean, we should stop…seeing each other.”

he can practically feel the way his words pull your attention and when he looks up he sees the way your grip on the book has slackened. there’s panic settling in your eyes, mixed with a bit of confusion. a conflicted emotion runs across your face and kaeya’s fingers itch to touch you. “w-why?”

it’s a simple question and he should have no problem answering it, but he struggles to get the words out, his throat constricting uncomfortably. “it was fine in the summer, when i was back here with the troops. but now i’ll have to leave and-“

“so what?” you question, turning in your seat to face him completely. his eyes drop to the shirt you’re wearing, his shirt, and he feels his heart squeezing.

“so-“ he gulps, head spinning as he tries to explain himself. he doesn’t even have a proper answer—he just knows that this is his only option. because there’s no way in hell he deserves this kind of comfort, this kind of happiness. “so i cant-“

“can’t what, kaeya?” you stress, voice going slightly higher and he only then sees the real fear in your expression.

he pauses, mulling over his words and the bitter taste they’re leaving in his mouth. he can feel the sting of your pleading stare, and he swallows hard. “can’t stay,” he finally answers, and he’s shocked at how miserable he sounds.

you look at him like he’s insane, and honestly he feels like he might be. you’re confused and rightfully so, because there are so many remnants of him left in your space, so clearly evident the impact he’s left on you.

“can’t or won’t?”

kaeya’s eyes snap up to yours, because the tremor in your voice sends a jolt of fear down to his stomach, churning and roiling until it makes him sick.

he regrets looking, because he can feel himself breaking then and there.

you’re looking at him with these shining eyes and he swears that he’s glimpses them again—the brightest stars he’s ever had the privilege of seeing. for a second he thinks the light of those stars might disappear because that’s what always happens. but they remain, glowing against the backdrop of your irises and he’s captivated all over again.

his plans to leave you in tears fly out the window then and there.

he’s reaching for your cheeks in less than a second, holding them delicately as he lets his thumbs brush over your teary lashes. there’s a reasonable bit of confusion in your face at his sudden change, but when he leans down to kiss you, you don’t protest, melting into him even though he’s so undeniably cold. kaeya doesn’t even realize he’s saying he loves you, choosing to murmur it against your lips because it’s not meant for anyone else to hear—just the two of you.

he remains there, in the quiet darkness of your room for the rest of the night, because he doesn’t want to leave your side even after he told himself he would.

and yes, he dreads tomorrow. he dreads tomorrow because he knows that he will have to choose between the comfortable home he’s found in you or the dark abyss that has swallowed his past.

he’s scared that the more he allows himself to fall into you, and the more he finds that your eyes are the ones that hold the stars of celestia, then the easier his choice will become.

he’s been chasing the stars for so long after all. now that he finally has them, why in teyvat would he let them go?

[rodolfoparras]

Smoke Sprite

Pairing: Captain Price x Trans Male Reader

WC: ca 7k

Synopsis: Price teaches you how to smoke cigars among other things

Content warning: 18+, • MINORS DNI • dry humping • boot worship • boot grinding • verbal degradation • praise • alluded exhibitionism • Sub! Reader • Dom!Price • reference to afab anatomy (sparsely!) • power dynamics • age gap (no specific age stated but in my head it’s like 10 years between them) • no after care

Stand alone/ part of a series:

A/N: The usual disclaimer: English isn’t my first language so excuse any grammatically incorrect sentences, spelling mistakes, ooc, plot holes… heads up for long sentences as well, who needs proper structure anyway.

First time writing smut too bc at some point we ought to dive into this. Am I right or am I right? Also idk how to do accents, as a non native speaker I have a whole vocab that consist of American and British words and at some point something may sound whack but just rewrite it in your head and enjoy the fic hehe

Also don’t be fooled, you will actually learn about cigars here I did a deep dive for this

Few things were hard to come by when enlisted in the army. One of them being a good night's sleep. It was something you as well as many other soldiers battled with. You’d found that the best way to cope with it was to stay up til your mind was as exhausted as your body and one of the ways you’d  make the time pass was by smoking. 

That’s how you found yourself sitting on the window sill of the little kitchen provided on base, half way through your third cigarette, wishing your mind would let your body go to bed.

It wasn’t always bad being unable to sleep. Hours you spent awake (albeit against your will)  were also sometimes hours you’d felt the most at peace.

Tonight felt like one of those nights and the peace washed over you in waves, so much so you finally felt like you were ready to head to bed. 

Just as you’re about to follow through with that thought, a sudden noise at the door catches your attention. 

You turn so quickly you almost drop the cigarette you’re smoking, ash falling over you with the motion.  

It’s too dark to see the intruder’s face but you’re still able to see how he freezes in place and quickly raises his hand in defense.

“Relax sergeant” the tension leaves your body when you hear the intruder speak. You’d recognize that voice anywhere. It was after all one that was on your mind when you couldn’t sleep. “Didn't mean to scare you, was just gonna get something to drink” His voice sounds husky, he’d probably just woken up from his sleep.

You nod your head, as you go to sit down again, taking another drag of your cigarette as you observe the surprise guest. 

His steps are sluggish, head almost dropping as he makes his way over to the fridge and you wonder to yourself if you should turn on some light so he doesn’t trip.

“Don’t know how you can smoke that shit” Price says, somehow managing to express his disdain through his sleep like daze. 

You snort at his words before taking another drag of your cigarette, blowing out a cloud of smoke only to watch it disappear again. 

 “Look who’s talking” you say referring to the cigar that always seemed glued to his hand.

He opens the fridge, seemingly searching for his drink before he takes out a bottle of water. Soon after he makes his way over to the kitchen counter, across from where you’re sitting. The light from outside shines down on him and you can finally see him properly as he leans on the counter and takes a sip of his drink. 

He’s dressed in some gray sweatpants and a matching tank top to go with it. It wasn’t an unusual sight per say. Many times he'd complain about running hot easily so he always dresses lightly when he sleeps.  However that didn’t mean that you were unaffected by it. 

“Seriously they taste like shit and smell bad too”he says before downing the rest of the water. 

“I don’t smoke for the taste”  you say as your eyes wander from his clothes up to his neck, taking notice of the dog tags on him and the way they’re  glistening with the light shining down on them. Your gaze wanders further up, over to where his Adam's Apple lays and how it bobs every time he takes a sip of his drink, until your gaze finally lands on his face. His eyes are half lidded, lips parted and puffy and a flush coats his cheek. It’s clear that he’d just roll out of bed especially with how mussed his hair is. Despite that he looks good, really good actually.

“You should since these will take you out anyway” he says, bottle now discarded on the counter and hands tucked into his pockets. 

“Teach me how to smoke cigars then” You say tossing your cigarette out the window before turning in your seat to face him properly.

Price raised an eyebrow at that.

“What? You can’t sleep, I can’t sleep, might as well do something useful here. Teach me how to smoke cigars”

The older man scratches at his beard in thought before seemingly making a decision.  With a grunt he signs for you to move over and you do as he says. He sits down next to you, one foot propped on the window sill and the other hanging to the side of it.

Price digs his hand into his left pocket,  pulls out a wooden box of something, pops it open before sliding it over to you.

“Take whichever you want, it doesn't matter. You’ll be prepping it anyway”

“Prepping?” You look at him like he’s grown three heads. It's a cigar after all, what is there to prep anyway?

He nudges his head, signaling for you to take one. When you do so, he takes one himself before he closes the box and pockets it again.

“It’s not like a cigarette. You don’t just shove it into your mouth and smoke it. All good things come with preparation and in moderation.” 

“Are we still talking about cigars here “ you grin widely as you wiggle your eyebrows suggestively.

Price grunts at your words but doesn’t do much more as he goes into teacher mode.“First thing first, you want to know what you’re working with. That can break or make the experience”

You nod as you look down at the cigar in your hands. However, figuring out what you’re working with wasn’t as easy as it seemed. You’ve smoked for years but cigars were outside of your expertise. 

Price must’ve seen the stupefied look on your face because he says “Don’t look at it like that, lad. It’s a cigar not a ticking time bomb“

“Sorry” you say, shifting in your seat as your free hand fiddles with some loose lint from the sweats you’re wearing. 

“That’s alright. Let’s start with something familiar, yeah?” he mindlessly strokes his beard, brows furrowed in concentration as he tries to think of how to explain it. 

“You lick your cigarettes right? How come you do that?” You’re momentarily stunned by the fact that he’s picked up on this. But his question hits you next and you can’t help but feel embarrassed when you confess. 

“Force of habit I guess” you shrug, rubbing at your neck as your eyes wander from him to some random spot on the window sill. 

Hey, you’re a smoker not a smoke connoisseur. You don’t know the ins and outs of nicotine. 

He sighs heavily and drags his hand down his chin before he speaks  “That’s alright.” he says before he goes to explain. “ It's a form of prepping, not really necessary for cigarettes but some smokers do it. However prepping is essentials for cigars”

He then goes on to raise his arm in the air, giving you a clear view of the cigar in his hand.

“First thing first you do a pinch test, it’s pretty simple really. You pinch it between your thumb and point finger. Do not roll it however. If it’s dry it’ll cause unnecessary friction which in turn will cause more tears in the leaf”

He starts to demonstrate the step. You try to focus but your eyes can’t help but wander all over his hands. 

Despite the cigar being quite big, it looks something akin to a cigarette in his grip and although he’s got a rather delicate grip on the cigar you know just how rough he can be with his hands. You’ve seen it many times out on the field, and have even imagined what it would be like to be on the receiving end of the treatment. His hands always look so big and strong, dusted in chestnut hair and lined with thick blue veins. You can’t help but think of how pretty they look as he demonstrates the step. 

“You still with me, lad?” 

You lick your lips, mouth feeling dryer than any tobacco leaf. “Yeah “

“Now do so with yours. Remember just add some light pressure, it doesn’t need much more than that” he says, once again demonstrating the step. You start to feel a pressure in your chest as heats floods from your head down to your feet. You try to focus on his words but they only seem to add to the lightheadedness you’re feeling. 

“You listening?” He asks, taking note of your dazed expression.

You only manage a hum in response to his question as you go to follow his instructions. “It shouldn’t crackle since they should be properly humidified anyway but it’s always good to know the basics yeah?” He says when you both notice there’s no crackling to be heard from the cigar in your hands.

“Now we cut it. I keep this baby on me at all times “ Price says before he pulls out a pocket knife. 

“There's all types of fancy shit for cutting but the principle is to cut as little as possible rather than the opposite. You just kind of snip it off” he says as he places the knife at the tip and executes the move perfectly.

“Now you try,” he hands it over to you and you can’t help but feel quite confident in this part. The task didn’t seem complicated anyway. But as you go to cut it, it turns out to be much harder than it seemed.  The cut is nothing like Price’s. If anything it’s jaggedy and has the tobacco leaves crackling at the tip. 

 “That’s alright, you can-“

Before he gets the chance to say anything else, you wrap your lips around the tip, allowing your spit to smoothen out any loose pieces. 

“Oh- “ you look up at Price only to see him swallow hard. 

“That’s a good lad” he says, voice sounding deeper when he speaks “was gonna say to not slobber it down in saliva but you seem to know your thing “

Your face feels hot when you go to respond.“Thanks” 

It’s strange- this relationship you got with your captain. At first sight it might seem that you’re the one throwing flirty remarks around here. And he’s the one who acts unphased, or even annoyed at your flirting attempts. But matter of fact is he’s the one making suggestive remarks whether consciously or subconsciously and you’re the one phased by it. You wish you too could be as unphased as him because his recovering time for these types of situations is remarkable, really. 

His voice is void of any previous emotion when he goes to speak again “Now to the last part, we light it”

And of course you try to keep with him. 

“Never thought we’d get to it” you say, hoping and praying you seem just as unphased as he seems . But you can still feel your face burning and your voice slightly wobbling and the intense look he’s giving you isn’t helping you very much either. 

“Hey you wanted me to teach you” Price reminds you with a pointed look. 

“Go on please” you gesture dramatically before leaning back in your seat.

“The way you choose to light it will affect the taste. It’s all a matter of preference so to say “

“And how do you like yours to taste?” Your words come out more suggestive than intended and you can hear Price sucking in a sharp breath, head tilting and his eyes boring into yours when he says “I prefer to take my time with things, enjoy it thoroughly, make the most out of it if you know what I mean”

The mood feels different; stirring in a direction that has nothing to do with cigars and everything to do with something else, something-

“You’ll achieve that with a soft flame”

And it's quickly broken again. 

Price fishes a box of matches out of his pocket, slides it open and takes a few of them before pocketing it again.

“Always use two matches but don’t be fooled, you can’t hurry the process this is just to ensure the cigar burns even. You with me?”

You nod - maybe a bit too eagerly to show him you’re listening, brows furrowed and lips puckered in concentration and if you’d be focused on someone else you’d see the ghost of a smile on Price’s face. 

“You strike the matches and tilt them downwards, then rotate your cigar around the them “

“Like a marshmallow ”  the words slip mindlessly out of your mouth and his eyes widen in surprise before he laughs. 

You feel the tip of your ears go red but smile at what he says next “Fuckin’ hell, sure like a marshmallow “

Instead of saying something else that would result in making a bigger fool of yourself, you choose to do as he says. 

You take two matches from him and attempt to strike them. 

However it feels like the universe is on a mission to make you seem like the biggest fool because for some reason you can’t light up your match. 

After your third failed attempt paired with some curses under your breath Price decides to offer you some help. 

He leaves his place on the window sill, and leaves his cigar in the ashtray to stand behind you instead. But just as he does it, you manage to light them yourself. However for some reason he chooses not to go back to his seat.

“Like that,” you hear him before you see him, and smell his cologne behind the clouds of smoke. 

You try to keep your focus as you slowly rotate the cigar in your hands

“Good lad you’re doing so good,” the words make you feel like a match ignited, burning from your head down to your toes.  

“Is it done?” You don’t know what you’re asking about- the lessons or the torture he’s unknowingly putting you through.

“Ever heard of the word patience, kid?“ he chides and if it weren’t for your close proximity making you feel all funny you’d say something to him.

“Just one more round of matches and you’re good to go yeah?” His voice is gruff and breathy when he speaks, almost akin to the tone he uses when he gives commands on the field. You feel the wisps of hair from his beard brushing across your ear and the heat from the close proximity of your bodies. You chose to nod in response, opting to bite your tongue in fear of saying something you might regret later on. 

Soon you find yourself with a lit cigar in your hands. 

“There now to the last step” the heat quickly disappears as a gust of cold wind creeps onto your skin and you’re sure it’s not because of the open window but rather from the space between your bodies as he goes back to his own seat.  

“The most important rule of smoking- if you’re to remember anything out of this- is to not inhale it but rather take a light drag. Your body and your lungs will be thankful for sparing them, see it as something you slosh around in your mouth rather than shove down your windpipe”

You raise a brow at his choice of words.

“I am not the best teacher, “ he shrugs before picking up his cigar again.  

He puts it between his lips and takes a light drag of it and you can’t help but think that he looks attractive doing it. 

You never thought smoking was attractive. You smoked to ease your nerves and couldn’t wrap your head around what would be so attractive about a little nicotine stick and the awful smell that came along with it. But looking at him now with his eyelids hanging low, head tilted to the side as he exhales the smoke, you finally understand why people thought so. Especially now, with his Adam’s apple on show, dog tags gleaming behind the clouds of smoke and his toned arms flexing every time he goes to take another drag of the cigar. 

“You do the most work in the beginning until you see white smoke. That’s how you know it’s properly lit and you can actually start to enjoy it“ Price’s voice sounds stern when he speaks; like a knowledgeable teacher sharing information to his interested students. And you sure were interested: in more ways than one. 

“Most work in the beginning huh?” You grin wolfishly at him.

“You pull a lot of jokes, kid “ he chuckles as he continuously spins the cigar in his hand. 

Kid. Your nose scrunches at the word  “Not a kid and who said it’s a joke?” 

He doesn’t say anything. Instead he tilts his head and rubs his beard as if mulling over something before speaking again.

“You try now”

You nod your head as you attempt to focus on the task at hand. But it isn’t easy,  your eyes flicker from his fingers, to his lips, to the way he sits leaned back in his seat with smoke surrounding him.

Before you know it you’re inhaling the cigar, doing the complete opposite of what he told you and within seconds you feel the smoke hitting you all at once; blurring your vision and sending you into a coughing fit.  

“I told you not to inhale it” he tuts as he leans over to take the cigar from your hands before he goes to pat your back “damn shame you seemed so good at following directions, what happened?”

You try to speak but the burning sensation in your throat cuts you off. His hand is once again on your back rubbing up and down aimlessly before he suddenly gets up and you instinctively grab onto him “I’m just going to get something to drink” he says, repeating his words from before and you nod, allowing him to do so. 

“Here” he says a moment later, pressing a cold water bottle against your cheek.

You flinch away from the cold sensation, but grab it anyway, downing more than half the bottle within seconds. 

“Take it easy or you’ll choke again, boy”

Despite the advice you find yourself unable to slow  down and you down the rest like a man parched. 

He chuckles at your actions and grabs hold of your chin, turning your head to face him. 

“That good?” He asks, eyes shining with both hints of worry and amusement.

You nod in response feeling heat creep up your neck and ears. The feeling intensifies when his thumb swipes across your bottom lip, wiping off any remaining liquid before he pops it in his mouth to lick it off of him. 

“I - I can do better” you croak out, still trying to catch your breath.

“What’s that boy?”

You clear your throat and take a deep breath, braving yourself to speak  “I meant what I said I can do it, let me try again”

His gaze shifts between your eyes and your lips, seemingly making a decision when he goes to speak.

“Alright, come here “  he says before he goes back to his seat on the window sill, cigar tucked back between his lips, and with smoke surrounding him. He looks delectable to say the least. 

As if it were a reflex your body complies to his request, shuffling over to sit closer to him. 

You can feel your knees brushing, smell the scent of his cologne mixing with the cloud of smoke, can even see each and every eyelash on his eye along with  the gray hairs sprinkled across his chestnut beard.

You thought you couldn’t get any closer than this but suddenly he leans further in and your eyes go wide as you watch him. His hand goes to your head,  strokes your hair, and brushes back any loose strands or flies aways before it glides across your cheeks, until finally stopping at your lips. 

“Open up, now” he says, one hand under your chin and the other tapping his cigar against your lips.

“Lets try this again, yeah? You did so well, don't want the lesson to go to waste” You hum in response, parting your lips before wrapping them around the cigar. However you don’t take a drag. Instead you await his command. 

“Remember gently, no need to put much effort into it, yeah?” 

You nod as you put all your focus into doing as he says and finally you manage to take a proper drag of it, enough to taste it and enough to blow it out properly as well.

“Good lad. I knew you could do it “  the look of pride on his face along with his words goes straight to your head. Like the cat that got the cream, you think to yourself.

You go to take another drag of it and as you do he places his hand on the small of your back, soothingly rubbing up and down the length of it. You try to focus on the cigar rather than his touch because you fear that in itself will send you into a coughing fit. But it’s hard to stay focused on the cigar when his hand leaves the small of your back and makes its way up to your neck instead. You’re just about to blow out the smoke when his hand wraps around your neck and gently squeezes it.

You part your lips in surprise and as  you do so smoke leaves your mouth, coming out in little circles that quickly dissipate in the air. Your eyes widen at your little trick and he just chuckles at your reaction, before releasing his grip completely and leaning back a bit.

“Little trick I learnt “ he says innocently, shrugging even before he clears his throat, eyes avoidant of your own but manages a thank you when you pass the cigar back to him.

A rather awkward silence falls over you two as you try to process what happened. Price’s hand around your neck- the shy reaction you got from it- the fact that he knew this trick in the first place. It all hangs in the air like clouds of smoke and puts your mind in daze. It’s hard to snap out of it but once you do you wonder if you should say something or move on to the next subject. Looking at him you can clearly see he’s embarrassed about it so you choose to spare him but you also choose to store this moment in your mind for when you’re in desperate need of a replay.  

“Gotta give it to you, you were right about the taste. It’s pretty nice actually” 

He inhales sharply at that, eyes falling to your lips as he goes to speak “Yeah? Why don’t you describe it to me? Last part of the lesson. Need you to name the flavors ” His hand is now at your thigh, fingertips mindlessly tracing circles onto it and you think it isn’t fair of him. He can clearly see the way your body is reacting to him- to his touches- to his words and he still expects you to function.

You must’ve taken too long to respond because Price’s hand squeezes your thigh in warning “Sergeant” 

“Creamy- it tastes creamy sir “ you stumble over your words but still manage to get out a response. 

He hums in response, hand tightening at your thigh before once again squeezing it to get your attention. “Anything else? Any specific flavor you can name. Go on, take another drag of it“ he says before passing the cigar back to you. For once you’re thankful that your body reacts so easily to his commands. Your head’s far too gone at this point to be able to give your body instructions. 

You take another drag of the cigar, allowing the smoke to coat your tongue before exhaling it. There’s a rich sweetness accompanied with a certain bitterness dancing across your taste buds “Coffee tastes like coffee sir- maybe even hits of almond as well?” you say through batted lashes, eagerly awaiting his response.

“Correct. My favorite” he hums in approval.“You’re a quick learner,huh?” The phrase like the cat that got the cream rings through your head again but this time you couldn’t care less. This time you'd gladly accept it.  You’d gladly be the cat and you’d gladly take all the cream especially if it was -

Price grabs you by the collar of your shirt and pulls you close. “You know what else is good to learn? “ 

You gasp at the sudden motion and instinctively grab onto him, one hand at his arm, the other barely holding onto the cigar. His voice is dangerously low and breathy and the way his hot breath washes over your neck raises goosebumps all over your body.

You can even feel the tell tale sign of his thick mustache brush up against your neck as he goes to say “subtlety, my boy”  

There’s little to no space between your bodies. He’s so close to you that you can hear his gruff voice forming the words at the back of his throat, and feel how they vibrate against his chest as he speaks them.  Yet you ache to be closer so you grip tighter onto him and press your body closer to his. 

“You were fidgeting around in your seat and barely paying attention to what I was saying. I almost thought you were getting bored of the lesson but that can’t be right now can it? ” 

It's no longer wisps of mustache hair brushing against your neck but rather a full beard trailing up to the spot behind your ear. And every time he goes to speak, it brushes relentlessly against the skin,  leaving burn marks behind him. 

“No- no sir. I’m very eager to learn” your mind’s starting to feel hazy, your breath’s quickening and you can’t help but tighten your grip on him, nails sinking into supple skin. You hear him wince but can’t bring yourself to care nor to loosen your grip. 

There's a nagging voice at the back of your head telling you this is just a wet dream or even worse a hallucination as you lay bleeding out on a field. So to silence it you tighten your hold on him, hoping and praying you aren’t just imaging him.

However he seems very much real because his arm feels firm and flexes under your tight grip. Every time you go to take a breath you smell the scent of smoke and cologne that seem to follow him and all you can see is his broad back and the small curls at the back of his neck. 

“Mm eager you say '' His accent is much thicker now, desire coating his tongue and slurring his words and his tone is playful like you’ve never heard it be before. All of a sudden you feel his fingers at the back of your head, fingers burrowing into the thick mane of hair before he pulls your head up to face him.

“I expect a response when I speak sergeant “ he says, tugging at your hair in warning.

You whimper at the sting, eyes batting up at him as you go to respond to him “Y- yes sir I’m very eager to learn”

Price looks at you with half lidded eyes and with an arrogant smile across his lips as he goes to cup your cheek.  “I suppose someone so eager wouldn’t have any issues repeating the steps we learned today”

“No sir” you manage to spurt out a response as you lean into his touch. 

“That’s a good boy” he says as his thumb caresses your cheek. “So good for me, yeah?” His voice almost sounds like the one he uses on the field when he goes to praise his team, except this one is just a bit lower, more breathier and wraps around endearments only meant for your ears. 

“How about this,”  he begins to say, hand slipping from your cheek, trailing down to your neck and landing on your shoulder. He takes his time to straighten the collar before he speaks again 

“if you can tell me all the steps we went through today” he trails off once again as both of his hands slide down the length of your arms before finally stopping at your thighs where they rub soothing circles onto them. “I’ll reward you for it “  

“Only if you want to, of course” he says, as he goes to take his hands off your thighs. 

“Oh I want to ” you say hurriedly as you grab onto his hand to keep them in place.” A lot, actually” you add in a shaky tone feeling your face heat up at your own words. 

His eyes flare with desire and he takes a sharp breath before he says  “Sit back for me yeah? One leg on each side of the window, need you to sit comfortably for this okay?” 

You do as he says, one foot on the desert ground and the other one on the wooden floor and you automatically lean back on the window frame to make yourself comfortable.

He on the other hand, has one boot clad foot propped on the window sill and the other one hanging to the side of, leaning back comfortably.

Your hands are trembling in your lap, fingers still gripping onto the cigar and you can see goosebumps rising on your bare skin but it’s not because of the cool metal pressing against it or because of the howling wind. It's rather something else and  Price seems to know the very reason behind it because he says.

“You’re shaking my boy are you nervous about presenting?” He asks in a mocking tone, before he takes the cigar from you  and puts it in between his lips. While you’re trembling in your seat he looks as relaxed as ever, leaned back against the wall, arms crossed and with an expectant smile on his lips.

“No-no sir” you respond as you squirm under his expecting gaze.

“Get on with it then” he says sharply and you spring into action.

“The first thing you do is prepare your cigar. That can make or break the experience… “ you trail off as you scramble your brain for what to say next. But your train of thoughts is quickly cut off by a sudden pressure on your left leg.

Price’s foot gently nudges your thigh and once again, as if it were a reflex, your body responds to him; legs spreading further apart, to make more room for him.

Suddenly, he starts tapping  his foot impatiently, purposely grazing his boot clad foot against sensitive skin as he waits for you to recite the next step. Despite the sweats you’re wearing, you’re so worked up that every touch feels like he’s grazing bare skin. 

“Go on. I didn’t tell you to stop” he warns as he puts a punishing pressure onto your thigh, harsh sole digging into soft skin and you wince at the impact before you speak. 

“To check if your cigar is moist you use your thumb and point fingers and squeeze - squeeze it from top to bottom” the air is punched out of your lungs, your words breaking up as the boot moves from your thigh to instead rest directly atop of your dick. 

You gasp, fingers grabbing onto the edges of the window sill as your hips buck to get more of the feeling “I’m sorry- I’m sorry sir” you say, feeling embarrassed at your body’s reaction. 

However Price doesn’t acknowledge your action nor your words. Instead he decides to raise attention to something else. 

“No underwear ?” He asks, taking notice of the wet patch forming on your gray sweats.  

“No sir I sleep commando”  Price curses under his breath and you feel the pressure increase in between your legs.

 “ Of course you fuckin do” he hisses and presses down even harsher, making you jolt at the movement and you just know that the embarrassingly big patch is growing larger by the minute with the way Price grins down at the spot between your legs. And when you look down at yourself you don’t only see the large wet spot on your sweats but you also see soil covered footprints all over it.  The mess in between your legs shouldn’t turn you on but the sheer sight of it makes you whimper and buck your hips.

“What’s the next step?”

You go to respond but end up choking on your words when you feel the fabric of your sweats slip between your folds and push directly up against your sensitive clit. He even goes to rock his foot side to side, boot continuously assaulting your sensitive numb. 

“What’s gotten your little cock so excited you can’t even speak?”

You whimper at his words, eyes squeezing shut as you lose yourself in the pleasure. “You’re being mean sir”

“Mean?”  he asks, voice dripping in faux concern but never once letting up on his torturous movements. “I’m just trying to reward you here. You want your reward, don’t you?”

You nod frantically as you buck your hips up at him. All of a sudden he ceases any and all movements and you snap your eyes open up to look at him.

He raises a brow at you with a wolfish grin on his lips. You blink up at him for a moment, before it clicks; he wants you to work for it. 

You almost huff at the realization. Nonetheless you adjust in your seat, hands propping behind your back as you bend at your knees before you gently start to rock your hips: his boot once again hitting your sensitive clit. 

“We - we cut it. Not too much though, just the tip” you manage to get out the words before you break off into moans.  You don’t realize how loud you’re being until he shushes you. It’s only then you realize that someone else can see or even worse hear you two. 

“What if- what if someone sees us sir?” You ask but never once letting up on your movements. 

It takes a while for Price to respond, too entranced with the sight in front of him, leaned back in his seat, arms crossed and cigar between his lips. You can barely see his face from the smoke surrounding him but the way his chest is rising and falling at a rapid beat and the way the cigar is shaking in his grip you know he is enjoying your performance. 

Truth be told you don’t even know if he heard you in the first place but when you go speak again he says “No one will see anything I promise” he says in reassurance.”Everyone’s fast asleep and if someone even tries to look or listen I’ll teach them to mind their own fuckin business. “ 

With that you turn your attention back to chasing your high, this time uncaring about who can see or hear as you lose yourself in the pleasure. 

However your attention is brought back to him once again when he says “But maybe you’d like them to?” He says, voice sounding thick and gruff. You snap your head towards him only to see him glowering down at you with desire swirling in his blue irises and a playful smile at his lips.

You know he’s just entering the thought of it, he wouldn’t do anything you weren’t comfortable with. And you can see his gaze switching from your face to your body to gauge your reaction.  And he must see the positive reaction your body gives because he continues “you’d like for them to see how pretty you look all worked up for me? Maybe even jerk themselves off to you? Can't blame them if they did. You look too good like this” you can only moan in response as he continues to talk “maybe you’d even want them to join us. One cock isn’t enough for you. A slut like you needs to get all your holes stuffed to be happy isn’t that right?” 

Your pace increases at his words as you lose yourself to the pleasure. But you’re quickly brought back to the present when he says  “What’s the next step sergeant?“ 

You blink back the haze, as you try to scramble your brain for what to say next.

“Next you light it - you need two”  at this point you’re just spurting out nonesene, too busy chasing your pleasure. 

Although his boot does hit your clit, many times - due to your fast paced beat- it’ll miss, aim too clumsy and messy to reach it. It doesn’t take long for you to make the decision to latch one hand onto his leg, the other making sure to support your weight as you adjust his foot so that the tip of his boot hits your clit every time you rock against it. 

You know you’re putting on a show for anyone who might hear or see; legs spread wide apart, arousal and mud covering your sweats as you desperately cling onto Price’s leg and moaning desperately. However you can’t find it in yourself to care,  can’t  focus on anything other than the pleasure coiling between your legs.

You look up at Price through half lidded eyes and mouth agape only to see a similar expression on his face. 

“Jesus, look at you grinding on me like a bitch in heat, you enjoying this hm?”

“Yes yes sir, enjoy it so much” At this point you're slurring your words, mouth agape and eyes squeezed shut as you focus on nothing else but the heat growing in your core.

 Your heels dig further into the floor, knees cramping from the awkward position and arms aching from supporting your weight for so long. But you refuse to let up on your pace. You’re so close to the finish line you can almost taste it.

“Almost there” you warn him before your mind’s too far gone to say something.

“Then you better explain the last step or there will be none of it, sergeant “ he says as he squeezes your thigh in warning. 

“Yes sir” you groan out before you will yourself to speak again “you puff it - you do the most work in the beginning until-“ you don’t get to finish your sentence before you’re cut off by your own moan.

 “until what sergeant?” Is the last thing you hear before you lose focus of your surroundings, eyes squeezed shut and mouth agape as you chase your high on Price’s boot.

“Until - until - it starts working by-. “ is all you manage to get out before you’re cumming- stumbling over the finish line with your back arched and with a cry of victory.

You don’t even get to warn him before you’re falling back in your seat, arms giving out and legs losing their footing.  As you do so the boot accidentally rubs against your clit and for the first time since you ended up in this situation you jerk back from the friction, dick too sensitive. 

You end up leaning against your elbow, window frame uncomfortably pressed against your spine and Price’s hands on your thighs keeping you from falling straight to the ground.

“You alright?” Price asks after a moment of silence  and you feel his hand on your thigh again, rubbing soothing circles on them.

You hum in response, still lost in bliss and he chuckles as he gives you a moment to come down from it.  

Once you do, you flutter your eyes open and smile lazily at him. 

 “Good job my boy, you did so well”

“Thank you, sir” your face burns as you respond. him and the phrase like the cat that got the cream rings through your head once again. 

Suddenly you see Price’s brows furrow, tongue poking past his lips as he looks down at his feet. 

“Looks like you left a stain there” he says as nonchalantly as possible and points to his soiled boot “could you clean it up for me please?”

Your eyes flash in surprise and for a moment the words hang in the air.  

But as quickly as they came, the words  dissipate leaving a haze behind that seems to take over your brain.

“Of - of course, sir “ you say as you scurry out of your seat but before you can get any further he stops you with his foot, firmly pressing it against your chest “with your tongue sergeant “

You suck in a breath and you can feel your dick twitch in your soiled sweats. 

“Yes sir” 

You lean in so that you’re face to face with the boot he’s wearing. It’s a simple black boot, worn out  from everything it’s been through but there’s one spot on top of it that shines like it’s been newly polished.  It’s the very same spot you zoom in on, tongue poking past your lips as you trace a path from the very bottom up to the top of it.

You feel the soft leather scrape against your tongue as the familiar taste dances across your tastebuds. And every time you go to lick the boot your nose brushes against the leather and you smell yourself on it.  Despite the work you put into cleaning it you know you’ve ruined the spot with your arousal and instead of feeling bad about it you can’t help but moan at the fact that he can’t hide the evidence of the event that had transpired. You give it one last lick before you kiss the boot and smile at him.

He curses under his breath, a mix of swear words accompanied with your name leaving his lips and your grin widens as you sit up again. 

“Enjoy  the rest of your night, kid” he says all of sudden, patting your thigh lightly before jumping to his feet. “When you’re ready to put out the cigar, just let it rest on the ashtray, it’ll put itself out that way” he says as he shows how to do it with his very own cigar before making his way over to the door.

Within seconds you’re up on your feet, moving on wobbly legs you almost fall back on the window sill. 

“Hey, where are you going?” 

“Lesson’s over” he says  simply before looking down at the watch on his wrist “and I’m old and need my rest. “ He looks away from his watch to the mess between your legs. 

“Besides, you need to get cleaned up. See you tomorrow, kid” he says with a wink as he leaves. 

“See you tomorrow” you say into the now empty room, chuckling in disbelief as you plop yourself back down on the window sill. You’re a sticky mess and should probably go shower but instead you take a drag of your cigar before you say “This man’s truly something else”

[automaticllamacycle]

May Jesus forgive me for what I’m about to say.

Making matty jealous at an industry party until he spanks you and fucks you so hard afterwards

I am going to be combining this ask with this one that I got because they will fit will together hehe : literally matty just fucking you RELENTLESSLY like that man is not stopping until your actually crying like tears are flowing down your face

Disclaimers: reader is quite drunk during the sex, but I'm acting like this is in the dom/sub au I (kinda) have going on so they are in a very committed relationship and have discussed situations like this before! Anyways now onto the horny thoughts (even though im writing this more like a traditional fic)

this ended up being like 1.5k words. It is now 2am so it is NOT proof read, like not even a once over I am SLEEPY

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

industry parties are the worst. You despise them. Its all the same every time. You would show up with Matty, have a few drinks of alcohol, and hang by Matty's side while he talked with people from the label. It got old really fast in all honesty.

Tonight you just wanted his attention more than anything, and you are determined to have it by the end of the night. You arrive to the party on his arm and the same old pattern begins as he's dragged away by Jamie to go talk to someone. Without Matty at your side, you excuse yourself to the open bar. One drink turns into two, which turns into three before you even realize it.

You planned this out beforehand. You thought to yourself, maybe if you got a bit drunk and needy, you could convince Matty to take you home early. After drink number three you walk over to Matty, and lean to whisper in his ear. "Baby, can we go home? I'm tired of this."

Matty can tell you're a bit tipsy from your mumbled speech. "Sweetheart, this stuff is important I can't just leave because you want to leave."

"But Matty-" you start, putting on pleading doe eyes. He cuts you off before you can finish your sentence.

"I said no. Now, go on, it shouldn't be too much longer, anyway. You can be patient."

So, you found yourself back at the bar, with another drink. You've had too much, but you don't really care. Too pissed at Matty to really give a shit.

After another hour passes you stumble back over to Matty. The liquid courage must be working because you don't even care about the fact he's talking to people. You nearly crash into his side when you reach him. "Matty! Can we go now?" He shoots you a glare instantly before turning back towards the two men he was speaking with.

"Sorry guys, this is my girlfriend Y/N. Please, continue on with what you were saying!" Matty's hand is around your waist in a bruising grip. His lips quickly come up to your ear to speak in a dark tone. "Behave."

You do behave... for a total of five minutes, then you get needy again. You start small, leaning into his side and placing your arm on his chest. The alcohol dulls your rational thinking enough that you have no shame in your next actions, reaching up to kiss him on the neck. Matty laughs off the kiss, not so much as turning his gaze to you, continuing to listen to the men speaking to him. His grip on your waist tightens. He's starting to get mad.

You don't stop. Your hand paws at his chest while you balance on your tip toes to whisper in his ear. "Please, sir. I need you-"

Matty steps away fast, not letting you connect your lips to his neck again. "Haha- sorry lads I think it's time I take her back home. Jamie is right over there and would be happy to answer any other questions you two might have." And with that Matty's hand firmly grips your wrist and pulls your behind him, out the door, and to his car.

Once your on the road, he finally speaks after giving you the silent treatment. "What the fuck was that? Were you trying to embarrass me? You know it's important that I talk to people like that at these things."

"I'm sorry- I just wanted your attention."

"And you thought the best way to do that was to beg me to fuck you in front of those guys?"

"I whispered it!"

"Whispered? You call that a whisper? I'm almost certain they heard you. How much have you had to drink tonight."

"Uhm... I lost count."

"No shit."

The rest of the car ride was filled with silence. When you arrive at his place, he doesn't even go around to open your car door, instead heading straight to the front door of his house. Once your both inside, he sits down on the couch. He's angry. Really fucking angry.

"Bend over my knee. Right now." You don't dare disobey him. That would only increase your punishment. You lean your body over his legs, giving him access to your ass. Matty flips up your dress to reveal your lace underwear that is already soaked through.

"I'm sorry sir- I- I promise I didn't mean to embarrass you. Just wanted you so bad." You flinch when his hand strikes your ass.

"Fucking slut. Just because you didn't mean to doesn't mean you avoid getting punished." You gasp as his hand comes down again, just as hard as the first strike. "Besides." His hand spanks you again. "You knew what you were doing when you decided to order all those drinks didn't you?" His hand hits you again, showing no mercy. "Needed some courage before you could be such a whore in public, huh?"

"Yes- yes sir- I knew what I was doing. I'm sorry." Matty's satisfied with your answer, but that doesn't stop the onslaught of his hands. You'll be bruised for at least a week. He wants you to remember this every time you sit down. He wants you to remember and learn from the punishment.

By the end of it, you're sobbing. The strikes were becoming too much, and you needed him to touch you. "Matty- p-please I- I need you, please."

"Have you learned your lesson?"

"Yes, sir. I'll never do it again. I promise." you say through choked sobs. Without warning Matty carries you to the bedroom and throws you onto the bed before he starts taking off his clothes. He's hard through his boxers, which are soaked with precum. You follow suit and take off your dress, wincing as you take the lace of your underwear off of your ass.

Matty's on top of you the next second, his cock at the entrance of where you need him most. "You know, I shouldn't even give you my cock. Only good girls deserved to get fucked."

"No! no no no! Please. I need you, I need you so bad." Tears flow down your cheeks.

Matty enters you suddenly, filling you to the hilt. He gives you no time to adjust to his size as he begins pounding into you. "Fine. I'll give you my cock." He groans out. "But I'm going at my fucking pace and you're going to take it."

His hips move rapidly, thrusting into you hard. All you can do is wrap your legs around his waist and dig your nails into his back. The moans that leave your mouth are desperate. Your cries fill the room, along with the sounds of skin meeting skin. Matty's pace is near animalistic.

Matty flips your over so you're on your stomach. You don't have the strength to hold yourself up, completely pliant on the bed. "Poor thing can't hold herself up? Thought you wanted me to fuck you?" he groans, continuing his fierce pace. The new position allows him to go even deeper into your cunt. It's all becoming too much.

"Matty-" you cry. "It's too much- I can't"

"Take it. Be my good girl and take my cock. You were fucking made for me." One of his arms wraps around your waist, pulling your up so your back is up against his chest. He uses his other hand to hold onto the headboard of the bed, steadying himself so he can thrust into you even faster.

"Matty- shit I can feel you in my stomach- fuck-" At your words, his hand shifts lower on your waist, pressing over where his cock bulges in your stomach.

"Yeah? You feel that?" He presses down harder, making a whine leave your throat. "Only I can do this to you. Your cunt is made for my cock." You moan out in agreement, drawing closer and closer to orgasm, and Matty is getting close too. "You gonna come for me? Gonna milk my cock?"

"Yes- yes sir- please."

"Go on then come for me." When he speeds up the pace of his hips, you're a goner, falling into the waves of an orgasm. The pleasure overwhelms you, pulsing through your veins. You cry out his name over and over again as he fucks you though it.

Matty is not far behind. It only takes a few more thrusts before he cums inside of you, filling you up deep inside. As soon as he's finished, he practically collapses on top of you. He takes the time to trail kisses on the back of your neck as you catch your breath and come back down to earth.

"You did good for me, baby. Did you learn your lesson?"

"Yes, sir."

"That's my girl. Let me take care of you now."

[kantyji]

albedo x reader | south asian au

chapter 0 ✦ नादानियाँ ( naadaniyaan - foolishness ) pairing: canon!albedo x desi/south asian! artist reader summary: albedo, the meticulous chief alchemist of the knights of favonius, finds relationships exhausting—until he meets you. in the icy solitude of dragonspine, your unexpected presence ignites his curiosity. you're not just another stranger braving the cold; you're a mystery with an intriguing knowledge of art and an ability to unravel albedo's carefully maintained distance. as his fascination with you deepens, albedo faces an unfamiliar warmth in his heart. but as he tries to analyze these new feelings, he wonders: will this connection become his greatest experiment, or something far more profound? warnings/tags: intended lowercase, gender-neutral reader, no (specific) pronouns used, references to south asian/indian art forms, very short LOL chapter: 0/?  masterlist: coming soon word count: 792 words  notes: sneak peak of a desi!reader x albedo fic i'm writing aaa!! i'm so excited for you all to read it :") <3 please bear with my mediocre writing while i pour my heart and soul into this. i will update this post with a masterlist once i start publishing more parts to this!! and yes the title is inspired by that one song hehe 

ALBEDO finds relationships…stressful, truth be told. he finds them tiresome because of the amount of effort needed to maintain them. this doesn't mean he dislikes the relationships he has with others, he simply struggles with them and can get tired of trying to keep track of everything to keep the relationship from falling apart. 

that was until he met you of course.

unbothered and quiet you, whom he bumped into while spending (majority of) his time alone in dragonspine. it was a rare sight to see people roam so freely in the bleak weather, but upon enquiring (out of sheer curiosity of course), you simply responded "i'm used to this type of weather back home."

“i am albedo, chief alchemist of the knights of favonius. i'm certain we will have many opportunities to be alone in the future.” he blurts out, much to his chagrin. god, he wasn’t acting too pushy now, was he? but your acknowledging smile put his fears at ease. 

at least for the time being. 

ever since then, albedo developed a certain type of curiosity to know more about you. you clearly were not a local, judging by your way of speaking and clothes, and your aloof personality and your natural ability to withstand the bone-chilling temperatures of dragonspine made you all the more a thing of interest to him. but upon knowing the truth of things that pique his interest, either by uncovering its truth or otherwise, he loses all interest, left with a bittersweet sensation in his mind. 

he silently hoped that that day would not come as soon as he'd like it to.

he would find you waiting by his workstation every other day and truth be told, took solace in your company - and turns out you were more than what meets the eye. he is pleasantly surprised at your knowledge of art forms he did not know much about - you showed him the world of madhubani , warli , kalighat and so much more. he marveled at the diversity of painting styles from your hometown, to which you only smiled and continued on. his favorite - explained patiently by you - had to be kalamkari. 

"it is a 3000-year-old organic art of hand and block printing, and was traditionally used for making narrative scrolls and panels." you explain to him, your eyes never leaving your project as albedo observed you with intent. "perhaps you may take its motifs and use it for your next illustration?" you suggested, a hint of trepidation in your voice, unsure of whether you were in a position to suggest such a thing to a stranger like him.

to your surprise, albedo allowed himself a slight nod and murmured "i suppose..", all too distracted by your eyes reflecting the rare glimmer of sun flickering through dragonspine's clouds. you, however, paid no heed to his advances, frankly very oblivious to his observations, coining it down to be him merely lost in thought.

as much of a positive demeanor he gives off, the people of mondstadt do not know anything about his personal life and he is particularly secretive about it towards them. to you however, he does not seem to mind sharing his thoughts and musings with you, and felt a strange, warm feeling in his chest when he saw you listening to him intently, your eyes never leaving his face. he wanted to tell you every minute detail about his life, but held himself back with great restraint. after all, he did not wish to burden you with the knowledge of his past and his life's purpose. 

albedo is of the persuasion that it requires more energy to maintain relationships established on excessive enthusiasm. as a result, albedo's equivalent of friendship involves maintaining an appropriate degree of distance. 

yet how does he find himself always coming back to you? whether he likes it or not, his teal eyes always seek you out in every place he visits, be it dragonspine or mondstadt — it may seem silly, something that he cannot explain with his usual rationality — but he can’t help himself. he grew rather…accustomed to your company, more so than with sucrose, or even the traveller. 

was this right? he'd think to himself during his time alone, his thoughts flitting to you occasionally. there had to be some logical explanation to why you made his face flush, even when he wasn’t facing dragonspine’s sheer cold, or why he would wait for you to arrive during the days of his experiments, just to see your reactions in real time. perhaps he could us this as his new research, but wait…

why did the idea of loosing what you both have send an uneasy feeling through his entire being?  surely exploring these new….variables, he’d like to call it, would not tamper your existing relations? would it put you off, or would you help him navigate these new emotions that threatened to consume him whole?

just who were you, and how did you manage to get him wrapped around your finger so quick?

even more notes….

i genuienly have zero clue what is happening with the borders, please ignore them but.... thank you so much for sticking till the end of this little interlude!?! i'm so sorry for the shitty ending, cliffhangers and edging my readers aren't really my thing but at the same time I NEED TIME TO DEVELOP THE REST TOO 😭 regardless, this concept [along with other characters] has been rotting in my g-doc for god knows how long, and i'm so happy i finally got on my ar$e and started working on it :") the sense of gratification is immense and i loved to tweak and ultimately publish this for you all to read. 

the lack of south asian reader centric fics always leaves me surprised, and even when i find them, it's usually for fandoms i'm not a part of </3 i hope this helps in building a fun loving community, and if you're a non-desi reading this then welcome aboard! love to have you here. 

my askbox is open if you want to chat, i'd love to know how did you all like this 😌 that's all for now, thank you for tuning in!

[zozo-01]

"is this the end of all the endings? (my broken bones are mending.)"

Happy Birthday to me!! It was my birthday earlier this month so I had to write myself a lil something something!! And you already knew I had to feature my favourite wolf and their vampire!!

[story takes place after before ‘cuddles and confessions’ but after ‘confronted by your alpha’, and sam and darlin’ aren’t together]

CW: Mentions of Abuse, Slowburn, Sam is an idiot, Darlin’ is an idiot, David is bad at planning surprises, Darlin’ has a fall birthday, Finessing the timeline a little, Author is outing herself by inserting her embarrassing and sad stories in this fic, Darlin’ is me, I am Darlin’, but they use they/them pronouns, There is one mention of Darlin’ being BIPOC but it’s a throwaway line for me and me alone

click here for the ao3 link!!!

--

Sam woke up that morning with his phone in his hands, a habit he only recently developed. 

Under normal circumstances, he would have left his phone on his bedside table, letting it charge for the next day. But these aren’t normal circumstances and they weren’t a normal person. To him, at the very least.

He’s long accepted that against his will, the wolf he met on Solaire land means more to him than what he’s willing to admit. It’s gotten to the point where he’s caught himself twitching with a smile in front of the clan when they sent one of their goofy daily updates. Thankfully, it was brief enough that no one noticed. Except for the clan’s resident lover boy.

“Oooooh, Sam’s got a partner! Is it the Shaw wolf? I bet it’s them- they’re soooo your type and I can’t blame you, they’re very pretty, hehe.”

“Vincent, shut up ‘fore I knock you on your ass.”

“Jealous much, am I right Lovely.~”

“Stop teasing Sam- VINCENT LOOK OUT!”

Laying in bed, Sam thinks about what it is about this reckless wolf that has him acting like a love-struck teenager. Their striking appearance was what drew him in, and who could blame him. Darlin’ looked like the bad, city kid ripped from every romance novel. He adored their appearance but it was their heart, their righteous anger and that goddamn beautiful smile that kept him staying up at night talking to them, in the hopes that he’s making them happy on the other end. 

(It would some time before Darlin’ confesses this fact, but there is a video on Marie's phone where they’re screaming in a pillow because that’s how enamoured they are with him.)

Speaking of messages, he opened his phone to see if there were any unread texts from them. His heart raced when he saw that there was one unread notification, thinking it was from Darlin’. His heart sank when it wasn’t their contact name highlighted, but it picked up again when it was a message from David Shaw. Sam opened it, nerves making him sick as to what their Alpha has said.

Mr. Shaw: Buy a chocolate cake for the troublemaker.

Mr. Shaw: It’s their birthday and they’re ignoring our messages.

Overcoming the initial shock caused by David messaging him, his mind went blank.

 It’s their birthday. And he didn’t buy any presents for them. What terrible future partner he was.

Sam was still confused as to why David was messaging him of all people. Darlin’ had been integrating back into the pack, at a glacial pace for sure, but it was more progress than they expected. Given what sparse stories they tell him about the infamous Shaw Pack, Asher and Milo would have been the better option for throwing the party they deserve. David ended any further pondering Sam might have done with his next message.

Mr. Shaw: They know that we know it’s their birthday, so in a failed attempt to make today not a big deal, they will be ignoring any of our wishes.

Mr. Shaw: I’m willing to bet that they haven’t told you that their birthday was coming up, so the pack is relying on you to give them their first normal birthday, since… him. It doesn’t have to be anything flashy, they’d kill me if it was.

If that’s the case, then Sam will make this the best ‘not-a-big-deal-birthday’ birthday party to ever party. 

Sam Collins: of course sir

Sam Collins: leave ‘em to me

Mr. Shaw: Thank you, Sam. For being there and caring for them in a way that the pack hasn’t.

Mr. Shaw: Also, you don’t have to keep calling me sir.

He chuckled at the last message, amused by the Alpha’s blunt care for his fellow wolf. He was glad that despite all the emotional baggage between the two introverted wolves, that he was always there for them, and they will always be there for him. 

Ignore the fact that their birthday is during the fall. (“Autumn, Sam. It’s autumn.”) That’s just a mere coincidence that has nothing to do with anything. So what if his favourite person was born during his favourite season? So what if their rare smile is as warm as the fall sun, warm and bright and comforting in the most magical way possible. It doesn’t have to mean anything. 

(It meant everything to Sam. For a man, who didn’t believe in soulmates and happily ever afters, it’s pretty damn hard to deny the idea that they were made for him. Every facet of their personality perfectly complimented his own. Their stubbornness with his care. Their shit eating grins with his amused yet exasperated grunts. The city kid who learned to fight in the trenches and the cowboy who could shoot before he could walk. A shifter who’s very nature is change and a vampire who is at an eternal standstill. The unstoppable force and the immovable object.) 

(Stardust intertwines their bodies, magic binds their souls, their fates and destinies are tied together whether or not either of them accepts it. Sam waits patiently in the stark white room, waiting for the sun to shine on him like he was the moon. Gentle care is what awaits them both in the future, and between you and me, he much prefers their soft light over the harsh rays of heat from his childhood.)

Where was he again? Oh right, the not-a-big-deal-birthday’ birthday party. His mind seems to wander these days when it comes to them. 

He switches the contacts in his phone, taking a minute to admire their contact picture. How someone could look so done with life, yet adorable, he will never understand. Another one of life’s greatest mysteries and he’s happy to solve it with them.

Sam Collins: can i come over today? 

Before his heart could pound in anticipation for a response, Darlin’ had already figured out his plan.

pretty wolf 🐺: no

pretty wolf 🐺: no

pretty wolf 🐺: no

Sam Collins: can i at least explain?

pretty wolf 🐺: n o o o o 

pretty wolf 🐺: i refuse to let david’s plans work

pretty wolf 🐺: you will absolutely not come over

Sam Collins: how on earth did you guess all o’ that? and why would ya assume david’s in on it?

pretty wolf 🐺: because that man is terrible at planning surprises ‘cuz he’s too predictable

pretty wolf 🐺: i’m surprised his mate let him get away with this

pretty wolf 🐺: so no

Sam Collins: but it’s your birthday?

pretty wolf 🐺: and??? so??? you’re absolutely welcome to come over if the leafs win the cup, but that aint happenin till i die

Sam Collins: i’ll bring cake and food

pretty wolf 🐺: …im payin you back

pretty wolf 🐺: dont fight me on that

Sam Collins: wouldn’t dream of it

Sam Collins: see you in a few

pretty wolf 🐺liked your message

–

cowboy has read your message

Ok, they think every nook and cranny of their small apartment is spotless. Considering the lack of furniture in their apartment, it wasn’t a hard task to complete. 

They made a note on their phone to remind themselves to kill David at the next pack meeting. How many times did they have to tell him and the rest of those assholes that no, they didn’t need a birthday party. Just send a text and they were content. Darlin’ never liked being the centre of attention unless they did something notable enough to earn it. Celebrating them because their parents happened to bang nine months prior was definitely not on the ‘something notable’ list.

(They won’t mention that it was their fear of the future, the unknown, that prevented them from celebrating the mundane. Memories of shattered glass and tears and bullets were enough to remind them that the good times never last.)

(But maybe Sam will prove otherwise. Emphasis on the maybe.)

They go through their wallet, pulling out a couple hundred dollar bills, ready to shove them down Sam’s pockets so he’ll take it home. It would be easier to venmo or e-transfer it, but despite his young appearance, Sam firmly believes in not leaving a paper or cash trail behind. They’d joked that it was ok if he had a criminal past, they were used to hanging out with the unsavoury crowd. But when he went silent and drifted back in time, they quietly accepted his outlook, even if it made it damn near impossible to pay him back for his generosity.

They sat on the couch, answering calls and texts from their pack and family. Giving half-hearted responses and begging Asher to stop fucking singing was what they did. Their mom asked if they would come home soon. (ہمیں آخری بار ایک دوسرے کو دیکھے کافی عرصہ ہو گیا ہے۔) But between Quinn and the pack and their lawyer work, it was another birthday away from their parents. (مجھے بہت افسوس ہے ماں، شاید اگلے سال؟) It gets easier to treat their birthday as non-important to their parents every year that goes by, but it’s getting harder to ignore the pain in their mom’s voice.

Before their eyes teared up at their parent’s disappointment, there was a knock on the door. They jumped, doing a quick once over of their place. Darlin’ took a deep breath, trying in vain to calm their pounding heart, and opened the door with their signature deadpan.

There he was. Leaning against the door frame with a cake and takeout in his hands, with that stupid smile on his face. It had to be illegal to be this attractive and sweet and caring, wrapped up into the finest body they have ever seen. They should sue him for stealing their heart because they know if he breaks it, they may never recover. 

Fuck, it’s always terrifying to bare their emotions freely, but Darlin’ was used to it.

So why is he different, and how would he hurt them in the end?

“I know David probably threatened you to do this, but you really didn’t have to.” They waited to see if Sam would walk in on his own, but between being a vampire and being a southern gentleman, he needed a written invitation on gold paper to invite himself inside. Darlin’ moved out of the way to let the vampire inside. 

He shook his head and smiled, walking inside and taking his shoes off. “David didn’t force me to do nothin’, darlin’. In fact,” he placed the bag of takeout and cake on the table, “he seems more worried about his own ass then my own.” He chuckled and opened his arms, waiting for Darlin’ to hug him. (Always waiting. Always patient with them.)

They held himself back from jumping into his arms, wrapping their arms around his waist. Taking a deep breath (though not too deep to seem weird), Darlin’ responded. “Good. He knows what’s gonna happen at the next meetin’.” Their shoulders relaxed when they felt his arms around him, and for a vampire, his body was warmer than most. At least warmer than Quinn.

He laughed, squeezing them closer to his chest. (Bury them in his rib cage to keep them safe.) “I’m sure you’ll beat his ass.” He rested his chin on top of them, rubbing their back in the process. If they had less willpower than they do, they would have fallen asleep right then and there. “Happy Birthday, Darlin’.”

Pulling away, Darlin’ looked at Sam’s warm and beautiful eyes. And for the first time that day, they smiled and said, “Thank you, Sam,” with genuine sincerity. It wasn’t forced or given because they were obligated too. Darlin’ didn’t know why it was different with him. They like to think it’s because they didn’t expect all this from a man they had met only a few months ago, or it’s because Sam was the type of man who didn’t let many into his heart, so it was an honour to receive this care from him so often.

(It’s definitely not because Darlin’ is in love with him. It can’t be. Subtly looking to the side of the pots they had out, Darlin’ saw the face of a person who despite their best effort, could never make the right decision. They were messy and cruel and violent when needed, and Sam deserved softness. They might not know what he’s gone through in life, or why he’s the isolated curmudgeon of the clan, but it didn’t matter. He deserved the most sweetest and nicest and easiest and amazing partner to exist. Someone who didn’t make the worst case scenarios the norm or made him prepare for lecture beforehand.)

(People like Darlin’ don’t get soft endings, their jagged and sharp edges mangle the delicate future they could have if they weren’t so fucked up. They would rip the destinies from others, picking and choosing the sequence of events that are worthy to be Sam’s truth, but they won’t stick around to ruin it any further. Fate damns those who go against her wishes, and Darlin’ wasn’t going to let Sam be collateral damage.)

They cleared their throat to end the impromptu staring contest and turn to get plates from their cupboards. “How has your day been, cowboy?” They asked while placing the plates and cutlery on the table.

He took a seat at the barstool chair. “It’s been good,” he started. “William’s been getting ready for the Monarchal Summit, meanin’ we’re all workin’ overtime to get ready.” He stretched his back and Darlin’ bit their lip to stop themselves from making a comment from a popping noise. They slid him a plate of food, causing him to raise his eyebrow. “Ain’t you gonna eat too?”

They nodded their head. “I will, but I gotta do some things first real quickly.” They walked over to the sink, wanting to wash the dishes before they ate. But before they could turn the water on, Sam held their wrist to stop them.

“Darlin’, it’s your birthday. Let me do ‘em for ya.” He slowly reached for their waist to move them out of the way. Not like they were going to let that stop them.

“Sammy, you’re my guest. I can’t let ya do my housework.” They huffed, staring him dead in the eye to convince him otherwise.

He leaned over the wolf, pinning them to the counter. Now this is playing dirty. How on Earth were they supposed to focus when he’s staring them down like that? Their mind was wandering to some unholy territory, but they needed to win this argument.

“In my family, the birthday person don’t do shit ‘round the house.”

“Well in my family, the guests are served first. You got a problem with that, pretty boy?”

After a few moments of staring into each other’s eyes, Sam shook his head and picked Darlin’ up and carried them to a stool. Placing them down, he commanded, “Now you’re gonna sit pretty o’er here while I do the dishes, understood?”

Well shit. With a voice like that, how can they not listen to him? With a dazed look and complaints dying on their tongue, Darlin’ nodded. “I ain’t gon’ eat till you done, asshole.”

He smirked and promptly started on the dishes. “Of course, didn’t expect nothin’ less.” With that, his focus went back to the dishes, trying to finish up as fast as they can to end Darlin’s hunger strike.

They placed their arms on the table, resting their chin on it to stare at the man in front of them. For a selfish moment, they let their eyes indulge in the braids in his hair to his tan and unmarred skin to those built arms. They, of course, let their eyes linger on his arms, thinking about how big they are, how much work it went into achieving that size…

…How they would feel wrapped around their waist… How safe they would make them feel…

“Have I ever told you why I moved to Dahlia?”

He paused his dishwashing, looking up at the birthday wolf. Raising his eyebrows, he says, “How come?” It was rare that the wolf spoke about themselves, let alone their life before Dahlia. 

They took a deep breath. “I was 15 and walkin’ back from a basketball game. It was December, so it was dark as shit at 4 PM. Not that it was a problem, I always walked alone, so it was whatever.” They straightened their back. “I thought it was a good idea to walk alone ‘cuz I didn’t wanna wait in the cold for 15 minutes just for a packed bus to come. Besides, the walk wasn’t that bad.” 

Darlin’ chuckled at their stupidity. In hindsight, it was so easy to see their mistake. “Halfway through, a white van pulled up beside me and some assholes dragged me inside. Knocked me out too. Took me to some fightin’ ring bullshit since they could tell I was a shifter.”

Sam put the rest of his dishes away and walked around to stand besides Darlin’. “Oh my God, I’m so sorry.”

They shook their head with a laugh. “Oh I wasn’t there for long. Someone saw me get taken and the license plate of the van so the cops could track ‘em. There were some that had been there from time, though. I got out ‘fore I got thrown in the ring. But, like, let’s be honest, I woulda kicked some ass.” 

(Sam didn’t need to know that Darlin’ was convinced they were never going to get out. That the fact the police even looked for them was a miracle. Disappearing kids weren’t a new phenomenon to them. Everyone growing up had a friend or a family member that was taken but never found. Darlin’ was convinced they were going to be another statistic in a long line of tragic lives that ended quickly.)

(No one cares for the Black and Brown kids from Scarborough.)

He flicked their forehead gently. “Just ‘cus it didn’t last for long don’t mean it wasn’t fuckin’ terrifyin’. You were just a kid, Darlin’.”

Yeah. Yeah, they were just a kid.

They sniffled and wiped their eyes. “Right, um, yeah. Anywho, my parents didn’t think the city was safe anymore, so we packed our bags and moved out here.” The pleading that the event was a one time thing didn’t stop the rushed search of a new home. Within a month, Darlin’ had to say goodbye to all their friends and the neighbourhood they grew up in. Resentment and denial brewed in them, thinking this was all a dream until they stepped onto the plane. 

The silence was deafening, filled with unsaid comforts and reassurances. 

Why on Earth did they drop that story on him? Sam had only come by to celebrate their birthday, something he didn’t even have to do. He didn’t ask for this story and Darlin’ never voluntarily gave out information. They’ve always been taught that people will use their secrets against them, using their own trauma as knives to further hurt them. Not that it would stop people from spilling their story.

Ripping their heart on a silver platter to feed the wolves around them, but it was never enough. So they would break and build themselves to entertain and if they could get a good laugh, then their job would be complete. Because even if it was better to have no friends than bad friends, they so desperately wanted connections that they would smile with bloody teeth and bruised lips to convince themselves that people were laughing with them and not at them.

But Sam wouldn’t do that to them. (It wasn't a question or an unsure statement, it was the truth.)

Breaking the silence, Darlin’ looked Sam in the eye. “You wanna hear about me bein’ a dumbass?”

Sam scoffed, “Is your version of bein’ dumbass include you dying in a ditch?” They knew he said it in jest, but there was an undertone of desperation and fear in his voice. Darlin’ wishes they could soothe that pain in his voice.

“No, no, not that kind of dumbass.” They grab a couple of plates and the takeout Sam brought so they can have some food with a less depressing story. “Have I mentioned that I have family in the south?” They let out a giggle at the indignant noise that Sam let out. They kept this fact hidden from him because they knew once he found out, they’d be in for another lecture on how ‘every southern person ain’s cowboy.’

“So you know bein’ southern don’t equal bein’ a cowboy? But you still call me cowboy every damn chance you can get?” He sat next to them, facing towards the wolf. One arm resting on the table while the other rubs his face in frustration. “They didn’t teach ya any southern manners? Maybe they should have their southern card revoked.”

They rolled their eyes and handed him a plate. “Oh ha ha. You got jokes now, wait til I tell you this story.” They sat next to him and started eating the food. Shocked by the quality of the food, Darlin’ moaned out a thank you to Sam for buying all this food.

(Sam get your mind out of the gutter and get your friend under control.)

Swallowing the food, they continued with the story. “So, I don’t know why, but my cousin was obsessed with me also havin’ a southern accent. So he-” They started to chuckle at the memory. Chuckles turned to full blown laughter to Darlin’ clutching their stomach in pain. It had been a while since they let out a laugh this loud, but it felt good to not contain themselves for once. 

“Sounds like a good story if you can’t tell it without laughin’.” Adoration in his eyes, he kept looking at Darlin’. They didn’t notice it, too busy keeping themselves from choking on the food they just ate.

Finally calming down and completely breathless, Darlin’ finished their story. “I don’t know why he did this, but he told me that all southern people end their sentences with ‘yeehaw’. So for the longest time, I always add a ‘yeehaw’ to the end of southern sentences.”

“So… Do you do that with me?”

Their silence was enough to confirm the vampire’s suspicions and send him on the table laughing.

Darlin’ gently assaulted Sam, making sure they weren’t doing serious damage, but enough to let him know that they don't appreciate his reaction. In all honesty they weren’t completely against this reaction. For as long as Darlin’ known Sam, he wouldn’t let a smile slip on his face, let alone laughter. A real shame too, Sam has such an ethereal smile and an infuriatingly melodic laugh. It wasn’t fair! Why was he so pretty when laughing at them?

(Darlin’ thinks back to their earlier thoughts. About how they’d keep people laughing at them to keep them around. Usually, it hurt to be the town’s object of ridicule and criticism, but maybe it’s a sin to keep from laughing. So perhaps they found themselves genuinely smiling along with him for the first time in ever.)

With a huff, Darlin’ says, “How dare you make fun of my naivety, Samuel? You mean and vile and vicious vampire.” They turn away from him, facing the delicious cake that he bought and hiding the stupid smile they have on their face. Come to think of it, how did Sam know to buy chocolate cake? It is one of those cakes that are universally loved, so it’s a good assumption. Yet to their knowledge, Sam only knew them as a ‘sweets disliker’. A delusional part of them wants to think that they’re so linked that he didn’t need to be told. (Or give David one less punch.)

Once Sam’s laughter finally dies down, Darlin’ turns back around and asks him, “Why the chocolate cake?” He tilted his head in confusion, yet silent to give them the room to continue. “I mean- not a lot of people know I like chocolate.”

He rubbed the back of his neck with a nervous chuckle. “If I tell ya, promise you won’t hurt nobody?”

“No promises can be made.”

“David told me to buy you one.”

Oh, so that is one less punch for David. The fact that he remembered that weird fact about themself was a testament of how much time and change their Alpha has gone through. (And how they’ve stagnated, using their pain as a blanket to keep them from getting older.)

With a shake of their head and a childish huff, they grab the cake and a knife. “Of course he did. Fuckin’ asshole.” They moved to slice the cake, before Sam stopped them with a shit eating smile on his face. “Don’t I gotta sing you a song?”

“No you don't-”

“Happy Birthday to you.”~

Darlin’ groaned and covered their ears. The only thing that has going for him is that it's Sam singing and he's a better singer than Asher. They threw their arms up in defeat, having given up in stopping him from singing, and definitely not because they wanted to listen to his heavenly voice. 

Once the performance was done, Darlin’ cut two slices of cakes, one for themselves and the vampire they love. It was simple and quiet, the perfect way to end their birthday. No performing for other people or coercion to have fun. Quinn wasn’t hovering over their shoulder taking random bites from their neck.

“You know, I’m sorry I couldn’t get a proper gift for you,” he apologized with sincerity, but that sincerity had him leaning back, avoiding a flick on his forehead from Darlin’. “What! It’s true!” 

Quietly, they grabbed a pillow from their couch and started to hit him. He can’t get away for doing all of this and saying it isn’t enough. What a fool. (Oh, they want him so fucking desperately.) Darlin’ scoffed, “You have already done enough for me! What more do you wanna do?”

With a smile, he gently grabbed their wrist and moved it down, ending the tirade of pillow attacks. They were paralyzed in one spot, completely enamoured by Sam. It wasn’t a trance, they were infinitely familiar with the oppressive hold of one. This was something stronger and more personal, they felt it in their core. Technically, vampires are incapable of bridging since they are dead creatures of the night, but this was the closest either of them were going to get to. Sam raised a hand to place on their cheek, thumb rubbing the scar under their eye. Almost like he could heal every scar and mark on their body, no matter how deep and violating they may be.

He leaned over, whispering in their ear, “All I want to give you…”

“Is a goddamn sense of preservation.”

“Oh, you ASSHOLE!”

The sounds of Sam’s laughter, Darlin’s cursing, a vampire zipping around and a wolf shifting were coming from their shitty apartment. For the first time, Dahlia has felt like home.

(David, Asher, Milo and their mates left when they heard the sounds of joy coming from the wolf’s little home. It was best not to disturb the two while they’re having fun. The pack can always throw a belated party for them.)

[drunknillawafer]

right down the line: zuko x firebender!reader | part 7

You grew up close to the Royal Family due to your father's position as a General, but you ran away from home after the agni kai against your best friend, Zuko. Now, you've joined the Gaang and plan on doing your part in ending the 100-year war.

Part 1 Part 2 Part 3 Part 4 Part 5 Part 6

hi part 7... picking up right where we left off... i think I'm going to post a masterlist & keep it linked on my pinned to make it easier to sift through and find, esp since i do plan on posting other fics once i finished my very first >.< also i want to post the songs i listen to while I'm writing and some visuals hehe... just to make it much more immersive. again i do not own these characters and they are not mine! (except my mc i guess) like comment reblog if ya like... enjoy! about 1785 words

⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙⁺˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚⁺‧͙

We’re standing on a sand-colored platform of a structure currently being renovated or changed to fit Fire Nation standards. The usual for when they occupy lands that don’t belong to them. Aangs in front of me, with Sokka to my left and Katara to my right. We form a triangle and I'm thankful for the partial covering.

I’m thinking of the best way to summarize the threats ahead of us, just in case they try to change the plan. There’s a good chance this will go south.

“Mai, in the center, has good aim with her blades, but it’s Ty Lee, on the left, you should keep an eye out for.” I try to give my friends the run-down on my, I guess, old friends one would say. But we’ve only got so much time before all three of them realize that I’m here.  

They lower King Bumi from the top of the building using a metal crane. They’ve got him in a coffin-shaped cage with only his head showing.

“You brought my brother?” Mai speaks first, breaking the silence between the two groups. She squints at the sight of me, but I’m too far away for her to be sure it’s me.

“He’s here.” Aang solemnly replies. “We’re ready to trade.” In these moments, he’s got the grace of a 112-year-old.

Suddenly, Azula speaks to Mai in a hushed tone we can’t quite hear. Fine is never fine with Azula, nothing is ever the way it should be with her. There’s bound to be some trick up her sleeve that only feeds into her misery.

“I’ll help with the girl on the right, she’s the most vicious,” I warn them. I briefly make eye contact with Sokka. We haven’t talked about what was said and now wasn’t the time, but I couldn’t help but yearn for his gentleness. A reminder that I wasn’t like the enemies in front of us, but someone new. Someone he couldn’t hate.

Then, Mai steps forward. “The deal’s off.” With a lift of her gloved hand, King Bumi is raised once again by the crane.

“Bumi!” Aang cries out for his old friend and starts heading towards him, defying the laws of gravity bestowed upon the rest of us. It’s enchanting to see an air-bender. It’s so different from the rest of the elements. He looks like he’s flying.

As he does so, Azula strikes, and I see her blue flame for the first time. She must’ve perfected her oxygen levels for complete combustion; but if she’s the Azula I’ve always known, I know how to beat her. This time, I won’t go easy. I won’t make that same mistake again for nostalgia.

Aang’s head covering flies away as the air moves around him and his arrow is exposed.

I look down at Azula’s reaction and she’s close enough now to hear.

“The Avatar. My lucky day.” The princess smirks, re-organizing her plans for Omashu in her head.

“Remember, don’t let Ty Lee touch you!” I warn Sokka and Katara and dash toward Azula, offering Aang some support against the crazed fire-bender.

I follow her upward, burning the knot on the pulley to cause the rope to lift.

Azula can see me through the grids as the ropes pull us to the top of the building, and I can see her in real-time realize who I am.

“Well, if it isn’t the Royal traitor. Seems like you and Zuzu still share a brain.” She gloats.

“Leave the Avatar alone, Azula. I mean it!” We break through the ceiling made from wood and reach the roof of the building under construction.

She attacks Aang with a blue blast, causing him to break the metal chain. Aang instantly heads downward with King Bumi. He cushions their fall with an air bubble, and they land on the well-known ramps of Omashu. Azula quickly follows them using a cart, and I’m on her tail. If only I had Sokka’s boomerang right now, it makes so much sense to carry one in these situations.

We catch up to Aang, giving Azula the chance to strike him and Bumi.

I distract her with my own fire-blasts, making sure to lean forward and crash into her cart.

“Out of practice?” She questions.

“Out of patience.” I growl, punctuating my sentence with a blast from my right hand.

As we continue our fight by speeding through the ramps, I see Appa in the distance. Relief washes over me as I conclude Sokka and Katara must have gotten away from Mai and Ty Lee.

Aang attempts to lift Bumi onto Appa’s saddle with his bending, but he miscalculates and Bumi’s off to land on the ground. But his friend won’t let him go on his own. Together, they land on another ramp and head down to ground-level.

Azula’s right behind them, and I’m right behind her.

She attempts another attack, but a rock blocks her offense and bursts her cart into dust. I leap off mine before the impact breaks my cart too and we both land on our feet, an homage to our identical upbringing.

She lets Aang go for a reason I can’t quite put my finger on until she turns around to face me. We're still standing on the ramps.

“The key to never losing is knowing when you’re beat.” She says with her hands in defense, signaling that she’s waving the white flag.

I’m still in fight mode. I’d never let my guard down around her, not now, not ever. “You’ll always be beat as long as I’m here.”

She pauses to truly grasp my presence. It’s been three years since we’ve seen each other, and everything’s changed. We used to be on the same team, never friends but bonded by our birthplace. It’s the first time we no longer owe each other pleasantries. Azula, however, uses sweetness as a weapon. “Where have you been, Y/N? You’re missed at the Royal Palace.”

“I doubt it.” Zuko and his mother haven’t touched that home in years, making it impossible for anyone there to actually miss me.

“Your father misses you.”

“I know you’re lying, Azula.”

“You’ve never trusted me; I’ve never liked you. Now we don’t have to pretend do we?”

“Leave us alone,” I get in my fight stance. “Got it?”

“Fine. Loud and clear.” She dashes away in her infamous run toward the unfinished building, probably to catch up with her friends.

Fine isn’t fine. It’s I’ll get you somehow. I think to myself.

I watch her figure fade into the distance, when it hits me: “Seems like you and Zuzu still share a brain.”

Did Zuko abandon his ship?

Is she lying? She would have no reason to lie about something like that, other than to get to me or Aang. I can’t pinpoint a motive. I still won’t believe her 100 percent, but I’ll keep it in my back pocket.

I slide down the ramp Aang took and find the both of them at the very end, standing on a platform in another unfinished building. Once I’m off and my two feet hit the floor, Bumi bends rock to lift his metal enclosure up the ramp in a fit of laughter.

We both watch him go. “Your friend is very… eccentric.” I tell Aang, as he’s standing with Momo on his shoulders.

“Yeah.” I turn to face him, something’s wrong. He’s disappointed.

“He’s not going to teach you earth-bending?” I assume.

“No, he has to stay here to protect Omashu. I guess I got to find another teacher.” Now, he looks like a twelve-year-old boy with the weight of the entire world on his shoulders. There’s no way he’s meant to do this alone. I’d rather be here helping him than with Zuko.

“We’ll find one in no-time.” I reassure him.

“Who were those three girls?” He changes the subject.

“They were old friends too. Azula is Zuko’s sister.”

“Wow.”

“I know.” I sit on the edge of the platform, waiting for our ride with my feet dangling. Aang sits next to me, and for now, we’re just two kids talking, staring at the beautiful Earth Kingdom in front of us.

“What was it like… to grow up with them?”

“It was easy with Zuko. Azula… not so much.” I wince.

Aang’s face contorts, as if he’s remembering a distant memory. “Was Zuko good? Yaknow, back then?”

A smile creeps up on my face. “He was.”

“Do you think he still could be?”

Aang and I stare at each other. We’re choosing to live in the moment before my answer. The moment in which the possibility of Zuko changing his mind, realizing his mistakes, and helping us stop his father exists.  

“I don’t know.”

☆

The heat and the prickly bushes are upsetting him further with each and every single step. Looking for food when you’re used to someone cooking for you is daunting, Zuko realizes. How is he ever supposed to live like this? How did Y/N?

As he’s walking back to let Uncle know he couldn’t find anything edible, he touches the side of his hair. It’s grown back a bit since cutting it, slicing off his ties to the Fire Nation. Trading in the red for green, hoping to camouflage with the land and the Earth Kingdom people.

What a stupid idea, he thought. How could anyone ever confuse him with anyone else with the scar on his left eye?

But it seemed to be working so far. His sister hadn’t found them, and they haven’t been arrested for their crimes against every other nation.

In the humid morning, on his long walk back to where his uncle was staring at a tea leaf, he thought about the Northern Water Tribe.

He wondered if Y/N was okay from his strike. Maybe the water-bender girl could heal her, and she’d be okay again. He didn’t mean to. He’s been this hard and heavy with everyone else for the sole purpose of returning home, he forgot Y/N was his home. He’s been in fighting mode for so long, he’s forgotten to turn it off.

She wasn’t home, though. She was with the Avatar. Defending him and betraying her nation. How did she get there? He wondered. He had so many questions about everything. Zuko’s sure she had just as many questions for him.

Could he find her now that he was labeled a traitor?

Where his mind led made his empty stomach drop.

If he found her, he’d find the Avatar. Then, he could go home. But if Y/N was not there, would he still want to go back? Did his father’s acceptance matter above all else? It didn’t for Y/N, but she was always braver than him.

Zuko wasn’t ready for that thought, so he pushed it away.

It wasn’t hard to do when your stomach was louder than your thoughts.

------------------

tag list <3: @camilleverreault @staygoldsquatchling02

[glazesunflower]

HI, BESTIE 💛

You know I absolutely love and adore your fics/prompts, so it means the world to me that you say you would like to listen to my ideas 🙏🏻 My head is filled with Taylor Swift’s latest album and Hu Tao, therefore here are some ideas for you if you would like to accept them haha. You can change or develop them however you like as you listen to our queen <3 Just make sure you have fun with it, that’s the most important thing :D

(I can see you)

Not exactly like in the song, but hear me out: Reader got the crush on Hu Tao, and Hu Tao sees that clearly. And she asks herself what would the reader do if she starts to reciprocate it? So she starts to leave a sudden touch on their skin, or speaking more freely when they are alone, teasing the reader in the process and enjoying their reactions >:)

(Electric touch)

Hu Tao’s got the date with the reader, and as we know Hu Tao’s reputation in the town, not many people exactly like her. So, this moment is very important for her as finally someone shows her affection, and she prepares and hopes this will go well, cause this date “could either break her heart or bring it back to life”. Some bitter-sweetness <3

(Timeless)

THIS SONG IS SO DAMN SWEET, AND I AM FEELY, SO ;-; Fluff of the reader and Hu Tao gashing that they would love each other in different time periods, falling in love no matter what and growing old together. You get the idea, TS connoisseur, just lots of FLUFF HEHEHE >:3

Timeless

Characters: Hu Tao x F!Reader. Soulmate AU.

Warnings: Mentions of war, battles and death. Hurt/Comfort. Epistolary. 14k words.

Notes: Happy birthday again my dearest friend and thank you for this wonderful set of ideas. I will write the others down, but for now I hope you enjoy this one <3

“WHAT I’M HEARING IS YOU DON’T LOVE ME anymore and you don’t care if I die of loneliness!”

Startled from your half-slumber, you turn your face to meet your love, Hu Tao, who’s laying beside you on the bed. Her crimson eyes are wide, brimming with theatrical despair. You chuckle.

“Hu Tao, I’ve only said we need to stop cuddling, I have to go to work.”

"Aww... But it's not time to get out of bed yet. We need to cuddle and snuggle, or else we might be apart too long for me to bear~"

Hu Tao implores. She wraps her arms tightly around you, her body clinging tightly to yours as her lips press against your neck. And you can’t help but surrender to her affection. Your head nestled deeper into the warmth of the sheets, Hu Tao's face buried in the crook of your shoulder, her gentle hum echoing softly against your skin. Your fingers trace tender circles in her hair, drinking in the soothing rhythm of the moment.

“I would love nothing more than to stay with you, but—”

Hu Tao interrupts with a playful pout, "Then stay, come on! Just a little longer? You can go to work later, right? Hehe, I'm sure there'll be no one there who'll miss you enough to get in trouble. Just stay with me for a little while longer~""

You tenderly caress her cheek, stealing a swift kiss on her beautiful button nose before gently unwrapping her from your warm arms. 

“No can do! I have that work trip I told you about, remember? It’s Friday today, so I will be out for the weekend, and I can’t lose my morning train.”

"Tch! How dare you break free from me! I'll... I'll... I'll bite your arm off!" As Hu Tao speaks, she playfully begins to nibble at your arm like a cat. In a mock-frustrated tone, she continues to speak. "Fiiiine! Just go on your stupid work trip. I guess I can't keep you here forever... But the second you get back, I'm not letting you out of my sight~"

Your lips curl into an affectionate smile as you gently stroke the side of her face with your thumb, your voice dripping with playfulness.

“Is that a promise?”

Instead of responding, Hu Tao leans forward to kiss your thumb. With a sly grin, she looks at you with playful, mischievous eyes.

“It's a promise! So don't worry about me while you're gone, okay? Just because I can't follow you, doesn't mean I'll be easy to forget." Her ember eyes soften as she turns her focus back on you. "How about you give a kiss to this terribly lonely wife before you go? Pretty please~"

With her request hanging in the air, Hu Tao leans in even closer, her arms circling your neck, tight and eagerly. Your fingers gently cup her face, a warm smile blooming on your lips.

“Anything for my dramatic wife.”

Hu Tao, entirely too delighted, draws herself in closer to you, pressing her body against yours, her heart brimming with happiness.

"Oh, you know just what to say~"

Hu Tao leans her head back, her bright red eyes closing as she waits with anticipation of your touch. Your kiss is one that is both calming and comforting, as an affectionate smile blooms in her pretty face. Her lips part for you, as she draws closer and presses her lips against yours. Her hand rises to your hair, her fingers running through your locks and holding you ever so gently.

Her lips meet with yours, your tongues wrapping around each other as she presses deeper into the kiss. She pulls herself away from your lips, her breath quickening as you part.

As you and Hu Tao reluctantly start to pull apart from one another, her teasing voice fills the space between you once again.

"Didn’t you say something about not wanting to miss your train? Are you going to stand there like a statue staring at me, or should I kick you out?"

Hu Tao whispers teasingly, her crimson eyes opening as you two part.

A chuckle leaves your lips, and you nod in agreement.

“You’re right. I guess I’ll be taking my leave now.” You give her one last sweet kiss goodbye, all too short to your liking. You wink. “Don’t miss me too much.”

Hu Tao, still holding you close, can’t help but smile. 

"I'm your wife, of course I'm going to miss you! When you get back here, you owe me a very long cuddle session to make up for this weekend, hehe. Have a fun trip, my love~" Hu Tao lifts your chin gently, drawing your lips toward hers for another goodbye kiss. Her hands slide along the back of your neck. She whispers into your ear with a touch of playfulness, "Don't you dare forget about me~"

.

.

IN LIYUE, THE CHARMING TOWN NESTLED between rolling hills and lush forests, Hu Tao finds herself walking in her evening stroll. She cheerfully looks around as she walks, her curious and adventurous soul with an insatiable thirst for knowledge about the past is irremediably in love with this city, above all things; the town she calls home is known for its rich history, after all, and it harbors unveiled mysteries that have been there for generations, yet to be discovered. That’s why, on this fine evening, with the sun casting a golden glow over the cobblestone streets, Hu Tao decides to explore the town's hidden gems. 

As she strolls along, she finds an antique shop she hadn’t seen before. The store’s weathered sign reads "The Timekeeper's Trinkets”, and Hu Tao can’t resist the pull of curiosity that tugs at her chest. She comes in.

Pushing the creaky door open, Hu Tao is greeted by the musty scent of old books and polished wood. The shop's owner, an elderly man with twinkling eyes and a long white beard, smiles warmly at her from behind the counter. He had been reading a thick leather book that looks all too dusty and worn. 

"Welcome, young one.” 

He says in a soft voice. Hu Tao can’t help but feel that this man seems to hold secrets of his own.

“Good morning to you, sir!”

Hu Tao smiles brightly at him, but she is immediately drawn to the eclectic collection of artifacts scattered throughout the shop. Ancient maps hang on the walls, delicate porcelain dolls peer out from glass cabinets, and dusty books sit upon worn shelves, waiting to share their stories.

As she explores around excitedly, a small, ornate box catches her eye. The sign says, Photos: Twenty-five cents each. The box seems to hum with a faint energy, as if it held a tale of its own. Curiosity gets the better of Hu Tao, as it often does, and she can’t help but ask the old shopkeeper about it.

"That, my dear, is a Timekeeper's Box." He says with a knowing smile, larger than life. "Legend has it that it can reveal glimpses of the past to those with pure hearts and open minds."

Hu Tao nods to his words, pensive. 

Can something like that even be real?

As she lifts the lid, a photograph of a radiant bride from the 1930s catches her eye. Next to her, another bride smiles knowingly at her companion. The bride's eyes sparkle with joy, and her smile illuminates the entire frame. Hu Tao can’t help but feel a strange familiarity with the woman in the picture. It is as if the bride's happiness resonates deep within her own heart, her face in the picture familiar and faded with the veil of time.

Huh?

It almost feels like…

As she gazes at the photograph more intently, a realization washes over her, sinking into her bones like midnight rain. She sees more than just two brides from the past; she sees the essence of love captured in that single moment— A love profound and genuine, transcending the means of time, laced with a familiarity all too close to Hu Tao’s chest to ignore. She wonders if such a love can truly exist, the kind that defies the limitations of the mortal realm. 

And why does her mind feel like it’s on the verge of something?

A dream. 

A memory.

Hu Tao turns the photo around. Behind the picture, there’s a letter attached to it, worn by the passing of time. Hu Tao unwraps it and reads it.

.

.

To my cherished Hu Tao, Feb. 1768

Can you believe how far we've journeyed together? From those carefree days of six-year-old innocence, clutching our satchels as we embarked on our first day of school, to this surreal moment when we stand side by side, radiant in our wedding gowns, about to pledge our lives to one another.

Through the laughter and tears, triumphs, and setbacks, you've been my rock, my confidant, and my partner in mischief. Oh, the memories we've created! From chasing butterflies in the meadows to sneaking out for moonlit adventures, our hearts have forever been intertwined.

As we step into this new chapter of our lives, I can't help but marvel at the twists of fate that brought us here. Who could have imagined that the little girls who held hands on that first day of school would one day become young women, ready to embark on a journey of love and commitment?

I cherish every moment we've shared, and I eagerly anticipate the adventures that await us as we venture into married life together. With you by my side, I know there's nothing we can't overcome.

Here's to the cherished memories of our past and the countless memories we'll create in the years to come.

I love you more than words can express, but you already know that!

.

.

WITH TREMBLING HANDS, Hu Tao stares at the note behind the photograph. 

That’s your handwriting.

It’s unmistakable to her. She’s read your words, seen you writing time and time again. The grocery list, love poems for her, Hu Tao could recognize the shape of your words by heart. And there was her name there, too. 

Like you wrote this letter for her… 

In 1768?

That doesn’t make any sense. It can’t be.

She sets aside the picture and explores the other photographs inside the box, her heart beating just a bit faster.

The next one shows a young couple, their school days long behind them, laughing joyfully on the porch of what Hu Tao understands is their first house. Their eyes hold a shared history, a bond built on years of companionship and support.

Hu Tao feels a swell of emotion as she gazes at the couple. Again. This strange feeling. Their faces are all too familiar for her shaken heart. The love they shared is evident in every line on their factions and every touch of their hands. It is the kind of love that endured life's trials and grew stronger with each passing year.

The photograph is attached to a letter, folded with care, although the weight of the years has dented its edges and neatness. 

And yet again, there it is. Your handwriting, clear as day. She reads it.

.

.

To my lovely girlfriend Hu Tao, May 1931

I'm positively thrilled to be writing this note to you after the most enchanting night of my life. Our first prom together was like stepping into a fairytale, and you were the charming princess who stole my heart!

As we sat on the porch of our new house, laughing and giggling like the next day would never come, I felt a warmth in my heart that I've never known before. Being with you feels so right, like we were meant to find each other in this beautiful corner of the world.

Your laughter, like a beautiful melody, echoes in my mind, and I can't help but smile at the thought of it. It's in these moments with you that I feel truly alive, like nothing else matters but the happiness we share!

Last night, you were simply stunning in your prom dress, and I couldn't help but feel so lucky to have you by my side. Your being here makes everything brighter, and I can only be drawn to you like a magnet.

I want you to know, my lovely girlfriend, that you mean the world to me. Your friendship, your love, and your understanding fill my heart with such joy. I'm grateful beyond words for the bond we share and for the home we've begun building together.

Thank you for being the light in my life, for making me laugh, and for being the person I can be my true self around. You are my confidant, my best friend, and my one true love. I'm head over heels for you, and I can't wait for the countless adventures that await us. And the beautiful wedding we will have some day when we’re older.

Unfortunately for you, I’m yours forever!

.

.

THOUGH THE PHOTOGRAPH SHOWS people from an era that’s pretty much bygone by now, this one from 1931, Hu Tao can’t shake the feeling that she sees herself and you in those loving gestures, in those moments in time that belong to someone else. It is as if the Timekeeper's Box had tapped into a deeper truth, revealing a connection that transcended time and space. 

That is your handwriting. 

That is her name. 

These are your faces. 

Hu Tao’s breath catches in her throat.

“Hey, sir…” She seeks the shopkeeper, her voice hitched. “Can I take these home? I’ll pay you, of course.”

She buys the photographs and the letters. Before she leaves the shop altogether, she hears the shopkeeper’s voice again. The old man speaks intently, his wise eyes twinkling with understanding.

"Time is not as linear as we perceive it, kid." He says gently. "Some connections are so powerful that they echo throughout the ages, finding resonance in the hearts of kindred spirits. Keep that in mind."

Hu Tao leaves the shop, her heart beating rapidly against her chest.

.

.

ZHONGLI AND HU TAO ARE SITTING ACROSS from each other in the cozy tea room of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. It’s Saturday, but the Parlor is still bustling with activity. And as much as Hu Tao would love to stay home and go through all the mysterious photographs and letters from the Timekeeper’s box, she’s the director of the Funeral Parlor first and foremost. She has work to do. 

After a cup of tea, of course.

The room is filled with the aroma of tea and incense, setting the perfect ambiance for the discussion they were having.

Hu Tao, energetic as ever, leans forward eagerly, her eyes glinting in the bright room. 

"Mister Zhongli, tell me all about the latest sales report. How has the business been doing?"

Zhongli, calm and composed as always, takes a sip of his tea before responding, his voice quiet and tranquil like a lake. 

"The Funeral Parlor has been thriving, as expected. In the last quarter, we saw a significant increase in both cremation and burial services."

Hu Tao's eyes widen. "Really? That's great news! Do you think it's because of the new marketing strategy we implemented?"

Zhongli nods. "Indeed. Your marketing campaigns have been highly effective in reaching a wider audience. Our services are being recognized not just in Liyue Harbor but also in nearby regions."

Hu Tao grins, clearly proud of her work. 

"I knew those flashy pamphlets and catchy slogans would work! Oh, and I must mention the special event we organized for the Ghost Month. The souls in the realm of spirits loved it!"

Zhongli chuckles softly. "Yes, they did. It's quite remarkable how you have managed to connect with the spirits and boost their morale. You have a unique talent, Director Hu Tao."

Hu Tao blushes slightly at the praise, smiling brightly like she does. 

"Well, it's all in a day's work for the director of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor! But tell me more, what about the latest numbers for funeral processions?"

Zhongli adjusts his glasses before continuing, "Funeral processions have seen a steady increase, and that's not all. Our embalming services have also witnessed a surge. It seems that people are beginning to understand the importance of preserving the memories of their loved ones."

"I'm glad. Preserving memories is what we do best, isn't it?” Hu Tao's expression softens. “It brings comfort to those who have lost someone dear."

Zhongli nods in agreement. "Indeed, it does. Your dedication to your role and your profound understanding of the human emotions surrounding death and remembrance have contributed significantly to the Funeral Parlor's success."

Hu Tao looks at her friend with a mixture of admiration and mischief. 

"And what about our dear Mister Zhongli? I've heard some whispers that you've become quite the popular consultant for funerary matters."

“I have been assisting some clients with their burial arrangements.” Zhongli can’t help but smile faintly. “My knowledge and experience in ancient rites have proven useful to them."

Hu Tao playfully nudges Zhongli's arm. 

"You're just being modest. I bet they're fascinated by you! The ex-Geo Archon turned funeral consultant, it's quite the unique selling point! Although we keep it a secret. I know, I know~"

Zhongli chuckles. "Perhaps it is, but my focus remains on providing the best possible service to our clients. The Funeral Parlor's reputation is of utmost importance."

"You're right.” Hu Tao nods, seriously now. “And speaking of reputations, I've been hearing more rumors about the newly implemented post-Geo Archon fares in Liyue Harbor. People are excited about the changes."

"The people of Liyue have always had a deep connection with Rex Lapis.” Zhongli's eyes glimmer with nostalgia. “However, I do consider it a gratifying outcome to see them outgrow the need of a higher power to achieve their goals."

“It was about time we learned to live without you around, old man!” Hu Tao smiles playfully. “Not in the Funeral Parlor, of course. I still need you here to help me, hehe.”

“And that I will, Director.” Zhongli bows slightly. “As a matter of fact, it is time I go back to tending to my duties. I shall leave you to finish your tea in peace.”

When Zhongli leaves, Hu Tao takes some documents from her desk to work on them. She quickly grows disinterested, truthfully. Her crimson eyes fly to the box she bought from the antique shop. That, for some reason, she felt the need to bring with her to work. She opens it, taking a couple of letters in her hand. And yet again, there it is. Your handwriting, the letters faded with the weight of the years. Her heart clenches in her chest.

She begins reading.

.

.

My Dearest girlfriend Hu Tao, Dec. 1844

As I sit here beneath the starry sky, surrounded by the darkness of the night, my heart longs for you, my love. The echoes of war may be deafening, and the days filled with uncertainty, but amidst it all, your love remains my guiding light, illuminating the path back to you.

These days on the battlefield are filled with challenges and hardships, but your love gives me the strength to carry on. When the sounds of gunfire and explosions pierce the air, it is thoughts of you that keep me grounded, reminding me of the love we share, transcending time and distance.

The memory of your touch lingers in my mind, the warmth of your embrace like a gentle embrace even in the coldest of nights. Your laughter echoes in my heart, filling my days with hope and joy, even when the world around me seems so bleak. It is your love that fuels my determination to persevere, to fight for a better future, where we can be together once more.

Oh, how I miss the simple pleasures we once took for granted— Strolling hand in hand through the park, sharing a stolen kiss under the moonlight, and whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. Each moment spent with you was a treasure, and I cherish every memory we created together.

In the midst of this chaos, I often find myself reaching for the small memento you gave me before I left. It's a reminder of our love, a tangible symbol of the bond we share. It stays close to my heart, just as you do, providing me comfort in the darkest hours.

Please know that, even amidst the struggles and battles, you are always with me. Your love has become my shield, protecting me from fear and doubt. I hold onto the hope that one day soon, the war will be behind us, and we can build a life together, free from the shadows of conflict.

Until that day comes, my love, know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I eagerly await the moment when I can return to your loving arms and finally be home.

Love you always.

.

.

SO IN THIS MOMENT IN TIME you were in the war, it seems. A letter you had written during a time of war, a heartfelt message meant to bridge the chasm of separation between you and her. And Hu Tao pictures it, you being on the battlefield, waiting for letters that might never come, fearing the worst, watching the seasons change, the weight of time passing, all the while not knowing if you’d made it home to her. Tears gather in Hu Tao’s eyes, clutching the letter to her chest.

She continues reading the following letter, dated months after.

.

.

My Dearest girlfriend Hu Tao, Feb. 1945

As I sit here in this distant and foreign land, my heart swells with joy and anticipation. I have received the most incredible news– I will be coming home to you next Fall. The mere thought of holding you in my arms again, feeling your warmth, and seeing your beautiful smile has ignited a renewed sense of purpose within me.

These days of being far away from you have been challenging, but your love and unwavering support have been my guiding light. Your letters and words of encouragement have given me the strength to face each day with determination and courage. In the darkest moments, your love has been a source of comfort and inspiration, reminding me of the life we will build together once this chapter of my life is behind me.

I want you to know that my commitment to making it home to you has only grown stronger. No matter the obstacles, I will fight with all my might to return to your loving embrace. You are my anchor, my motivation, and the reason I push through every hardship that comes my way. Your love gives me the courage to face the dangers of war and the longing to overcome any challenges that stand between us.

As Fall approaches, my heart races with excitement. I imagine the joyous reunion, the warmth of our love enveloping us, and the new memories we will create together. It's the promise of our future that fuels my determination, driving me forward during the difficult days and nights.

I want you to know that while I may be far from home, my heart remains with you. Every step I take, every mission I complete, and every breath I draw is a step closer to you. The countdown has begun, and I can hardly wait to be by your side once more.

In the meantime, please take care of yourself and know that you are always in my thoughts and prayers. I will cherish every moment we spent together in my heart and draw strength from those memories. Until we meet again, remember that I love you more than words can express, and I promise to return to you as soon as I can. I will see you soon, my love.

Yours always and forever.

.

.

HU TAO’S HEART ACHES as she reads the words —Your words?— and she hopes you made it home alright in the end. There’s one more letter. Oh, but something is different this time. 

It’s not your handwriting but hers. 

This is a letter she wrote, all those years ago. Hu Tao swallows and starts reading, her chest beating hard against the cage of her ribs inside.

.

.

To my precious beloved, Sept. 1945

As the morning sun gently kisses your sleeping form, I find myself filled with immense gratitude and love. Having you here, in our home, after all those long months of separation, feels like a dream come true. Last night we spent the hours wrapped in each other's arms after you finally came back home. It was nothing short of magical, and I wanted to let you rest a little longer while I tiptoed downstairs to prepare a special breakfast for us.

Seeing you lying there, peaceful and content, warms my heart like nothing else. I want this feeling to last forever, and I promise to do all that I can to make every moment we spend together just as wonderful.

As you wake up to find yourself alone in the bed, I want you to know that there's nothing to be scared of. I'm just downstairs, making delicious food to start our day off right. I didn't want to disturb your rest after all you've been through.

Being reunited with you after your service has been an incredible blessing, and I'm cherishing every second we have together. Our love has stood the test of distance and time, and I can't help but marvel at the strength of our bond.

I want you to take all the time you need to freshen up and embrace the comfort of home. When you're ready, come downstairs, and we'll enjoy a delightful breakfast together. There will be plenty of warm pancakes, fresh fruit, and your favorite coffee waiting for you.

Once we've had our meal, we can plan the day ahead– Whether it's taking a leisurely walk in the park, reading our favorite books, or simply staying inside and relishing each other's company.

My love, thank you for your bravery, your dedication, and your sacrifice. You are my hero, and I am beyond proud of everything you've done. Now that you're here, safe and sound, I will do my best to make each day as special as you are.

Remember, I'm just a heartbeat away, and I'll be eagerly waiting for you downstairs with open arms and a heart full of love.

Yours always and forever, Hu Tao.

.

.

HU TAO CAN ALMOST FEEL the tears gathered in her eyes at the happy reunion. It seems like you both were alright in this lifetime. 

She thinks of you making your way back to her, overcoming the challenges of war and distance, and finally, after what felt like an eternity, coming home to her. She pictures the moment when you would walk through the door, your weary but smiling face, and the warmth of your embrace after so long apart, and she has to blink to prevent the tears from falling down her cheeks.

Just then, the door to her office opens quietly.

"Director Hu Tao, may I have a moment of your time?" 

Zhongli asks with his usual composed demeanor, and Hu Tao looks up, her eyes softening at the sight of her friend, blinking her tears away, placing the letters away on her wooden desk.

"Of course, Mr. Zhongli. What can I help you with?"

Zhongli takes a seat across from Hu Tao and leans forward slightly. 

"As you know, my presence in Liyue Harbor has been attracting some attention. I have received a request from a family that seeks assistance from the Funeral Parlor."

Hu Tao's interest is piqued. "Oh? What kind of assistance do they need?"

"The family has recently lost their patriarch, and they wish to hold a memorial service in his honor," Zhongli explains. "Given the circumstances and the importance of the deceased, they desire a traditional and solemn ritual."

Hu Tao nods thoughtfully. "I understand. We'll need to make all the necessary arrangements to ensure the service is carried out with the utmost respect and reverence. I will be right there."

She sets the letters further aside, carefully tucking them inside the box, and follows Zhongli outside of her office.

.

.

LATER THAT DAY, THE GENTLE SEA BREEZE swirls through the bustling streets of Liyue Harbor, carrying the aroma of freshly cooked dishes and the sounds of merchants hawking their wares. Hu Tao is making her way downtown after work hours have ended, the Timekeeper’s box carefully tucked in her bag, when she bumps into her dear friend, the Traveler from another world.

"Hu Tao! Fancy seeing you here!" 

Lumine beams, her sunset eyes delighted by the unexpected encounter. And Hu Tao's eyes sparkle with excitement, too.

"Lumine! It's been ages! How are your adventures going?"

Lumine chuckles lightly. "They're going well, always keeping me on my toes. You know how it goes.”

“It’s such good fortune that I would run into you today.” Hu Tao says, smiling. “I have something fascinating to talk about, and I would love to hear your thoughts. Come with me!"

She exclaims, tugging Lumine's arm and leading her towards a quiet corner near the harbor. Curious, Lumine follows her friend. 

They find a bench overlooking the harbor, the salty breeze ruffling their hair as they settle in together. The bustling harbor of Liyue, a cacophony of sounds and a vibrant tapestry of colors behind them, the ships from all over Teyvat docking and departing as Lumine leans to Hu Tao, curiosity drawn over her features.

"What's got you so excited?"

She asks, her golden eyes filled with curiosity. Hu Tao retrieves the small, intricately decorated box from her bag. 

"Look at this! I found this in an antique shop called ‘The Timekeeper's Trinkets’ down the Harbor. Truthfully, I hadn’t seen it before. It had lots of things, a very eclectic collection of artifacts scattered throughout the shop, like… Ancient maps on the walls, porcelain dolls in glass cabinets, and lots of dusty books upon worn shelves. But it was this one thing that caught my eye!” Hu Tao gives it to Lumine. She watches her turn the box in her hands, staring at it intently. “It has letters and photographs inside, but what's really strange is… Well, the feeling they give me– It’s like a sense of familiarity, of sorts. Like… I know it might sound silly, but like it was me who had been photographed centuries ago. Like it was my pen that wrote these faded letters. And my wife, too…” She takes a moment. And then, “I can't help but wonder if this has anything to do with… Soulmates."

"Soulmates?" Lumine repeats with a tilt of her head, her golden hair falling over her shoulders at the motion. "Do you believe in them?"

Hu Tao stretches her arms above her head next to her and sighs dreamily. 

"I can't say for certain, but I've always been fascinated by the idea! Haven’t you? The concept that two souls are destined to find each other, bound by an eternal connection. Sounds romantic and magical, doesn't it?"

Lumine nods, her expression thoughtful, her sunset eyes softening. 

"It does. In my travels through different worlds, I've encountered many different beliefs and customs about soulmates, did you know? Some cultures believed in the existence of soulmates, while others didn't.” Lumine shrugs. “But what I found consistent is the longing everyone has to find someone to have a special connection with."

"That's true." Hu Tao agrees, her crimson eyes shining with curiosity. "What else have you seen in your travels? Have you ever met people who seemed like soulmates?"

Lumine leans back, reminiscing about her adventures across the various realms and ages. 

"I've come across countless stories of people who believed they found their soulmates. Even across different worlds, yes.” She nods. “I’ve heard tales of star-crossed lovers whose love spanned across time and space."

Hu Tao leans forward, eager to hear more. "Tell me about one of those stories! I want to believe in soulmates, even if it's just for a moment."

Lumine smiles warmly, leaning more comfortably on the bench.

"Well, there was a couple in one world who were separated by fate. They couldn't be together due to circumstances beyond their control, but they were bound by a love that transcended dimensions. Every day, they would write letters to each other, even if they couldn't send them across worlds. It was their way of feeling connected, even from afar, you know?"

"Writing letters like the ones in this box?" Hu Tao asks, holding up the container, her eyes sparkling.

Lumine nods. "Yes, exactly like that. They believed that somehow, their words would reach each other's hearts, and their love would remain eternal."

Hu Tao is entranced by the story, her imagination running wild. 

"That's beautiful! It's like the kind of love that can't be contained by the boundaries of the mortal world. So romantic!"

Lumine smiles knowingly, chuckling at her excitedness.

"Yes, very. Love has a way of defying logic and reason, connecting souls in ways we may never fully understand. But that’s part of the beauty of it, isn’t it?"

Hu Tao ponders for a moment, then smiles softly.

"You know, in Liyue, we have legends that talk about an ancient and powerful bond between two souls called the 'Yunfei.' They say it's a connection that exists across time and space, guiding two souls destined to be together."

Lumine's golden eyes light up with curiosity.

"Really? Tell me more about the 'Yunfei.'"

"Legend has it that when the Yunfei find each other, they experience a magnetic attraction, as if an invisible thread draws them closer together. Their souls resonate, recognizing each other across lifetimes. Some say it's love. Others call it destiny."

Lumine smiles at her words. "That sounds both beautiful and enchanting."

“I wonder…” Hu Tao looks at the box in her hands, thinking of you. “Would I be crazy if I believed it was real? That soulmates exist?”

Lumine shakes her head, her sunset eyes set far into the horizon. Hu Tao follows her gaze and the beautiful orange of the evening sun lights up the landscape when Lumine says,

“You know, after being in world after world, each more different than the last… I don’t think anything is too crazy.” 

.

.

THE PILLOWS OF THE COUCH ARE soft against Hu Tao’s back. It’s Sunday morning and she has finished her chores and morning stretches. She sits back, the antique box in her lap, and her chest beating just the faintest bit faster. She is determined to find the truth behind the mystery of the letters and photographs, and how it’s connected to the two of you. 

She opens the box up and goes through the letters she’s read before, the photographs she’s seen, the others she hasn’t, and finds a stack of letters she hasn’t seen before. She takes them in her hands and dusts them off. These seem to be even more worn out than the others, the letters yellowed by the passing of the time and the edges crumbled. 

She reads the first one, worded with her unmistakable handwriting.

.

.

My Dearest beloved, Jan. 1507

As the quill touches this parchment, I find myself grappling with emotions that words alone cannot contain. The weight of my heart is heavy with sorrow, for I am bound to face a future that my soul cannot bear. The time has come for me to share a truth that pains me more than any words can express.

In this age where societal norms and expectations confine our hearts to cages of convention, I find myself destined to wed a man I cannot love. The decree has been passed, and I have no say in this matter. My tears fall as I imagine a life without you, my love, a life where my heart's desires are but distant dreams.

From the moment our eyes met, and our hearts entwined, I knew a love beyond the ordinary had claimed me. Your presence, your laughter, your touch, all have become the essence of my being. To be torn from your embrace and the warmth of your love is a fate I cannot fathom without trembling.

I am but a prisoner of circumstance, forced into a union that my heart cannot accept. How I wish to stand before the world and declare my love for you openly, to defy all those who would dare to keep us apart. Alas, I am confined to the shadows, where our love must remain a secret, hidden from prying eyes.

In the darkest hours, I will clutch this letter close to my heart, for it holds the truth of my feelings for you, unyielding and eternal. No matter the path I am made to walk, know that you will forever be the love of my life, the one who set my heart ablaze with passion.

I pray that time and distance cannot erode the love we share, that fate will one day smile upon us, and we shall be free to love each other openly and without fear. Until then, my love, let this letter be a testament to the depth of my affection for you.

Yours, now and always,

Lady Hu Tao.

.

.

HU TAO LOWERS THE LETTER to her lap. In this lifetime, it seems like she was forced to marry someone she didn’t love, a life filled with duty rather than passion. She couldn't help but imagine what it would have been like to be with you in that distant past, separated by the threads of fate and rules, aching with loneliness.

The letter that follows has your unique penmanship.

.

.

My Dearest Lady Hu Tao, March, 1507

As I hold this letter in my trembling hands, tears flow freely down my cheeks, for your words have pierced my heart with both sorrow and love. Your anguish, my love, is palpable, and I wish I could ease your burden and set you free from the chains that bind us.

It pains me beyond measure to know that you are forced to walk a path not of your choosing, that you must endure a loveless union that tears you away from me. How I wish I could stand beside you, to shield you from the cruel hand of fate and to defy those who dare to keep us apart.

Though we must keep our love hidden in the shadows, know that it burns with an intensity that time cannot extinguish. You are the light that illuminates my darkest hours, the beating of my heart, and the very essence of my soul. In every whispered thought and every stolen glance, I am yours, wholly and unconditionally.

As you hold this letter close, feel the warmth of my love enveloping you, transcending the confines of distance and circumstance. We may be apart in body, but our souls are forever entwined, bound by a love that knows no bounds.

Know that I will wait, my love, for the day when we can cast away the veil of secrecy and embrace our love openly. Together, we shall overcome the trials that fate has laid before us, and we shall forge a future where our hearts can dance freely in the light of day.

Until that day dawns, let the memory of our stolen moments on moonlit nights and secret rendezvous under the stars sustain you. Draw strength from the knowledge that our love is a force to be reckoned with, an unyielding flame that will guide us back to each other.

My heart aches for you, my beloved, but take solace in the knowledge that you are not alone. I am with you in every breath you take, in every heartbeat, and in every whisper of the wind. No matter the trials we face, we will endure, for love is a force that transcends time and circumstance.

With all the love in my heart.

Yours, always.

.

.

HU TAO’S HEART IS HEAVY as she reads the words. She thinks of the emptiness that gnawed at your soul when she was not by your side, evident in the shape of your letters, illuminated by the soft glow of candlelight in the room.

The following letter is from her, dated a couple of months after.

.

.

My Dearest beloved, May, 1507

As I pen down these words, my heart feels as heavy as a stone, burdened with the weight of a love that cannot be. The night has fallen, and I am now a wife to a man I cannot love, a husband who possesses none of the tenderness and affection that reside within my heart for you.

Last night, as I stood at the altar, my eyes searched desperately for your face among the crowd. I prayed for a miracle, a sign that would spare me from this loveless fate. But fate, it seems, has other plans, and I am left to navigate a life where my heart is torn asunder.

In the company of a man who calls himself my husband, I feel a void that only your love can fill. I yearn for the sound of your laughter, the touch of your hand, and the warmth of your embrace. These memories are the bittersweet sustenance that keeps me going in this loveless existence.

Oh, how I long for the day when I can break free from these chains and be with you openly, to proclaim to the world that my heart belongs to you and you alone. In the darkest hours, I find solace in the knowledge that our love is a flame that cannot be extinguished, no matter the circumstances.

Though we must hide our love, know that you are never far from my thoughts. In the depths of night, I close my eyes and envision you beside me, your presence a comforting whisper in my ear. It is the memory of our stolen moments that keeps me going, that gives me the strength to face each day.

My beloved, I promise you this— No matter where life leads me, my heart will always belong to you. In the quiet recesses of my soul, I will hold onto the hope that one day, fate will smile upon us, and we shall be free to love each other openly and without fear.

Until that day comes, please know that I am bound to you in a love that defies the constraints of this world. You are the beacon that guides me through the darkness, the reason I wake each day with the hope that love will find a way.

Yours, now and forever,

Lady Hu Tao.

.

.

HER STOMACH RUMBLES as she continues reading through the letter. She curses the terrible timing of her hunger. Hu Tao gets up to make some food for lunch, which she eats back on the couch, nestled again between the yellowed letters, the mysterious box, your ancient love story and a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.

The letter is from you to her, months after.

.

.

My Dearest Lady Hu Tao, July, 1507

As I read your heart-wrenching words, tears blur the ink on this page, for the pain you endure is etched upon my soul. To know that you suffer in a loveless marriage, to know that your heart longs for me, leaves me torn between joy and despair.

In the darkness of the night, I have weighed the consequences of my actions, and I cannot bear to see you suffer any longer. My love for you burns with an intensity that defies reason, and I am willing to risk all to be by your side.

I cannot stand idle while you endure a life devoid of love and happiness. My heart tells me that you are mine, and mine alone, and I am resolved to defy any who dare to keep us apart. The thought of you in the arms of another haunts my every waking moment, and I cannot fathom a life without you.

So, with a trembling heart but a resolute spirit, I announce my intentions to march to town and challenge your husband in a duel. It is a desperate act, I know, and I risk everything —My freedom, my life— for a chance to be with you.

In this moment, I must be honest with you, my love. If I do not survive the duel, I want you to know that I would rather face eternity without you than endure a lifetime of regret and what-ifs. To have loved you, to have known your heart, is a blessing I would never trade.

But if, by some miracle, I emerge victorious, I promise you this— I will fight with every ounce of strength I possess to free you from the shackles that bind you. We shall face the world together, for love knows no boundaries, and our hearts will be united, unyielding.

Please, my beloved, do not attempt to dissuade me, for my mind is made up. My love for you is a force that cannot be contained, and I will not stand by while you suffer. I pray that fate will be kind and that we shall overcome these trials together. I love you.

Yours, now and always.

.

.

A DUEL FOR HER HAND? HU TAO FEELS her heart pick up the pace as she reads your thoughts with your beautiful and unmistakable penmanship.

When she’s about to reach for the following letter, hoping to see you made it safely alive out of the duel, somebody knocks at her door.

KNOCK! KNOCK!

Hu Tao gets up from the couch, stretching her limbs and walks up the front door, feeling unsettled. Beidou stands outside Hu Tao's house, a basket full of fish in her hands, a glowing smile on her lips.

"Hu Tao, took you long enough!" Beidou teases, raising an eyebrow. "Were you reading one of those spooky stories of yours again?"

Hu Tao's eyes sparkle with amusement, the letters tucked in the corner of her mind now. 

"As a matter of fact, I was. Kind of. But you know how captivating reading can be for me.” She opens the door further. “Come in, come in! What brings you here with all this fish?"

Beidou steps inside, handing the basket to Hu Tao. "Well, my crew and I caught more fish than we can possibly eat or store. So, I thought of sharing them with friends instead of letting them go to waste, you know?"

Hu Tao's grin wides, appreciating the thoughtful gesture. 

"That's incredibly kind of you, Beidou! I must say, my wife will be delighted. She will be returning later tonight. She’s on a business trip right now, otherwise I would’ve kicked her butt for not coming to say hi to you, hehe~"

"Ah, good to know she'll be back soon," Beidou replies with a nod, smiling brightly. "It's been a while since we all sat down for a meal together, don’t you think?"

"I agree! We should schedule one of those soon!" Hu Tao says enthusiastically. She looks down at the basket in her hands. "Now, with this fresh fish, I can cook her favorite dinner tonight. Hehe, she'll be thrilled!"

"I'm sure she'll love it," Beidou replies, placing a heavy hand on her shoulder. "You're quite the cook, Hu Tao. I have to give it to you, even if your dishes seem… A little strange, haha."

Hu Tao chuckles. "You flatter me, Beidou. But it's true that I enjoy cooking. For her especially. It's one of the ways I show my undying love~"

"And it's wonderful," Beidou says sincerely, nodding happily. "You two are lucky to have found each other."

"We are," Hu Tao agrees, her cheerful voice softening now. "She's been my pillar of strength, supporting me even during the most challenging times. But enough about us! How was your day out on the open sea, my friend~?"

Beidou's eyes gleam as she recalls the adventure. 

"It was a thrilling day! We sailed through turbulent waters and faced a few harrowing moments with sea creatures. But in the end, it was worth it to see the bountiful catch we brought back!"

"I can imagine," Hu Tao says, her curiosity piqued. "You always seem to find excitement wherever you go!"

"That's the pirate's way!" Beidou proclaims, grinning proudly.

The two friends spend more time than they originally intended chatting and laughing, exchanging stories about their adventures and memories. As the sun begins to set beyond the windows, Hu Tao voices her gratitude once more for the generous gift of fish.

"It's my pleasure," Beidou replies warmly. "Remember, if you ever need anything else, don't hesitate to ask."

When Beidou leaves, Hu Tao swiftly goes back to the couch, finding the following letter, her heart racing in her chest.

The fate of your duel for her hand.

.

.

My Dearest beloved, Sept. 1507

As I read your brave and selfless words, my heart swells with both love and fear. The thought of you risking your life for me fills me with a deep sense of gratitude, but I cannot bear the idea of losing you, my love. Please, I implore you, do not attempt the duel. I cannot bear the thought of you coming to harm because of me.

While your declaration of love and devotion warms my soul, I cannot allow you to endanger yourself in such a reckless way. The world we live in is harsh and unforgiving, and I fear what may come of this duel. I cannot bear the thought of losing you, for you are the light that brightens my darkest days.

My heart aches knowing that I am the cause of your pain and suffering. I never wanted this for you, my love. The circumstances that bind us are cruel, and I long for the day when we can be together without fear or hindrance. But until that day comes, we must be prudent and patient.

Please, my beloved, consider the consequences of your actions. Think of those who love you, who would be left heartbroken if you were to be harmed. I cannot bear the thought of my happiness coming at the expense of your safety.

Instead, let us find strength in our love for each other, in the knowledge that our hearts beat as one, no matter the distance between us. Though we are apart, know that you are always with me, and I am always with you. Our love transcends time and space, and it will sustain us until we can be together freely.

I will pray for your safety and well-being, and I will continue to hope for a future where we can be together without constraints. Until that day comes, my love, hold onto the knowledge that you are cherished and adored, and that my heart beats for you alone.

With all my love,

Lady Hu Tao.

.

.

HU TAO READS THE WORDS with a clenched heart, praying that you were okay in this lifetime. She can imagine the anguish and uncertainty, the emotions sinking into her bones like the cold breeze of the night at the thought of losing you.

As she finds the paper that follows, her heart shatters into a million pieces.

.

.

Local Paper Obituary - In Loving Memory of a Local Female Sword-fighter.

November, 1507.

It is with profound sorrow that we announce the untimely passing of an extraordinary woman whose life was taken too soon in a tragic duel that unfolded in the name of love. Her valor, courage, and unparalleled skill in the art of sword fighting leave an indelible mark on our hearts and in the history of our land.

Date of Birth: Unknown.

Date of Demise: November 22nd, 1507.

Born into a world where societal conventions stifled the dreams of women, the now deceased sword-fighter fearlessly broke free from the shackles that sought to bind her. With grace and determination, she embraced the way of the sword, becoming a symbol of strength and empowerment for others who dared to challenge the norms.

Her tragic tale intertwined with the fates of two noble hearts - her own and that of the Lord of these lands. Unbeknownst to many, the sword-fighter and the Lord’s bride, Lady Hu Tao, were deeply enamored with each other, destined to be together by the strings of love.

However, as is so often the case in this age dominated by arranged marriages, fate dealt a cruel hand. The beautiful Lady Hu Tao, whom the female sword-fighter cherished with all her heart, was forced into an arranged marriage with our Lord, extinguishing the flame of their love.

In the haze of sorrow and desperation, love turned to bitterness and jealousy. The female sword-fighter could not bear to see her beloved wed another and took up the gauntlet, challenging our Lord to a duel that would decide the fate of Lady Hu Tao's heart.

On a somber November day, beneath the melancholic sky, the clash of swords resonated through the air. The female sword-fighter fought with fervor, not to inflict harm but to reclaim the love that fate had so mercilessly snatched away. Her sword, an extension of her unyielding spirit, sought not vengeance but an opportunity to rewrite their tragic story.

Alas, despite her unparalleled prowess, fate remained unyielding. In a cruel twist of destiny, the duel ended with a fatal blow to the female sword-fighter. As her life ebbed away, she knew her quest for love was futile, but her heart remained steadfast in its devotion to Lady Hu Tao.

In her final moments, the unnamed woman held on to the love that had blossomed in her heart, the love that circumstances had deemed forbidden. In death, she found solace in knowing that her love for Lady Hu Tao would endure, even if unspoken.

Today, as we mourn the loss of an extraordinary soul, let us remember the female sword-fighter for her strength, her bravery, and her unyielding love. May her sacrifice serve as a reminder of the consequences of societal constraints on love and the importance of cherishing every fleeting moment with those we hold dear.

A memorial service will be held at the Temple on November 24th to honor her memory and celebrate her life. All are welcome to pay their respects to the fallen swordfighter and bid farewell to a soul whose love knew no bounds.

Though her life was cut short, the legacy of the female sword-fighter will forever echo through history, inspiring generations to come to embrace love with unwavering determination, regardless of the obstacles that lie before them.

May her soul find eternal peace in the realms beyond, and may her love for Lady Hu Tao endure throughout eternity.

.

.

HU TAO TAKES A MOMENT TO calm her clamoring heart. You died back then for her, to win back her hand, but you lost your life instead. The realization that you were gone, that you had paid the ultimate price for her love, is a blow that leaves her breathless. Tears stream down her cheeks as she clutches the letter to her chest, as if holding onto the last remnants of your presence.

She thought it would be the end of your story, but she finds more letters attached to these ones, her handwriting unmistakable in her eyes. 

With trembling hands, she holds the following one and begins reading.

.

.

My Dearest beloved, Nov. 1507

As I sit here with tear-stained cheeks and a heart heavy with grief, I struggle to find the words to express the depths of my sorrow. The days since the fateful duel have been a blur of pain and anguish, for the loss of you, my love, has left an indelible void within me.

The weight of guilt gnaws at my soul, for it was my presence in your life that led you to such a perilous fate. I never wanted this for you, my beloved. I never wanted you to risk your life for me. The regret is a bitter pill to swallow, and I would give anything to turn back time and prevent this tragedy.

The sight of your passing reached me like a dagger to the heart, and I crumbled under the weight of my grief. To know that you are gone from this world, that I will never again see your smile or feel your touch, is a pain that words fail to describe.

Yet, amidst the darkness of this sorrow, there is a glimmer of solace. In the moments before your departure, fate granted us one last meeting, one final embrace. I held you in my arms, my love, and though your time was fleeting, it felt like an eternity of bliss.

In that moment, the world faded away, and it was just you and I, as it was always meant to be. I whispered words of love and gratitude into your ear, knowing that you could hear me, even in the arms of eternity. I will hold onto that memory, that precious gift, for as long as I draw breath.

Though your time in this world was cut short, the impact of your love on my life will be everlasting. You brought light to my darkest days, and your love made me feel alive like never before. You were my confidant, my best friend, and the keeper of my heart.

The pain of losing you is almost unbearable, and there are moments when I feel as though I cannot go on without you. But I know that you would want me to find strength and carry on, to live a life that honors the love we shared.

My beloved, though you are gone, you will never be forgotten. Your spirit lives on in my heart, and I will cherish the memories of our love for all eternity.

Rest in peace, my love, and know that I will love you always.

With all my heart,

Lady Hu Tao.

.

.

AND AFTER THAT LETTER, there comes another one. Hu Tao feels the room close in around her, and the weight of grief presses down on her like a crushing wave.

She takes the next letter in her hands and begins reading through blurry eyes.

.

.

My Dearest beloved, March, 1508

Months have come and gone since I last held you in my arms, and not a day goes by that I don't yearn for your presence beside me. The pain of your absence remains a constant ache in my heart, but I find solace in the memories we shared and the beauty of the world around me, which reminds me of you.

As spring arrives, the cherry blossoms once again grace the world with their delicate pink petals. Each blossom that adorns the trees carries your essence, and in their fleeting beauty, I see a reflection of our love— A love that bloomed and flourished like the blossoms in the breeze.

I wish you were here, my love, to witness the magic of the cherry blossoms and feel their soft touch upon your skin. I long to share these moments with you, to bask in the beauty of nature's creation together, as we once did. But even in your physical absence, I feel you beside me in every beautiful thing.

Your presence is woven into the fabric of my life, like the threads of a tapestry that tell the story of our love. Your laughter echoes in the wind, and your smile lingers in the golden hues of the setting sun. Each day, I find you in the little things— A gentle raindrop, a ray of sunlight, a twinkling star in the night sky.

Though you are no longer with me in the physical sense, your spirit lives on, and our love transcends the boundaries of time and space. You are a part of me, and I carry you in my heart wherever I go.

The nights are still long and lonely without you, my love, and I often find myself gazing at the moon, wondering if you see it too from wherever you are. The stars above, like tiny diamonds in the sky, seem to hold the secrets of the universe, and I find comfort in knowing that you are among them, shining bright upon me.

As the seasons change and time moves forward, my love for you remains steadfast. I will forever cherish the moments we shared and hold onto the hope that one day, we will be reunited once more.

Until then, I will continue to see you in every beautiful thing, in every whisper of the wind, and in the blossoming of the cherry trees. You are my eternal love, and you will forever be a part of my soul.

With all my love,

Lady Hu Tao.

.

.

HU TAO TAKES THE NEXT LETTER into her hands. Her handwriting seems faded and worn out, but she can still discern the words, laced with her undying affection for you despite the grieving loss of you.

.

.

My Dearest beloved, Jun, 1514

It has been several years since fate took you away from me, and the passage of time has not dimmed the love I hold for you. Life has carried me forward, and I now find myself a mother to beautiful children, a life I never envisioned, yet one that has brought its own moments of joy and warmth.

Though I do not love my husband as I loved you, I have found some measure of comfort in the life we have built together. It is not the passionate love we once shared, but it is a love born out of familiarity, companionship, and the shared responsibility of raising our children.

My heart aches every day, for I see you in the faces of our children. Their smiles, their laughter, their curious eyes all carry a hint of you, and in them, I find solace. I wish you could be here to witness the beauty of their growth and the love they bring into our lives.

As they grow older, I often find myself wondering what it would have been like if you were here with us. I imagine you playing with them, holding them close, and sharing in their milestones and achievements. The thought of you being a part of their lives fills me with bittersweet longing.

Life has granted me stability and ease, but there is a part of me that remains unfulfilled. I yearn for the love we once shared, the depth of connection that cannot be replicated. I wish for a reality where we could have shared this life together, as a family.

I hope you know, my love, that you are never forgotten, that your memory is cherished and held dear to my heart. The love we shared was a force that shaped me, and it continues to guide me through the trials of life.

I will always carry you with me, my beloved, in the depths of my soul and the love I have for my children. Though life has led us down different paths, the bond we once had remains unbreakable.

With each passing day, I find myself yearning for the day when we shall be reunited, where we can be together once more. Until then, I will continue to hold onto the love we shared, finding strength in the thought of you, in the faces of my children, and in the hope that one day, our souls will meet again.

With my forever love,

Lady Hu Tao.

.

.

HU TAO BECAME A MOTHER in that lifetime without you? Her heart aches as she reads the words, thinking of how it must’ve felt like to witness the passing of the years with your absence weighing heavy in her chest.

She grasps the next letter in her trembling hands. 

It’s the last there is.

.

.

My Dearest beloved, Oct. 1532

As I write these words, my body feels frail and my spirit hovers on the threshold between this world and the next. The doctors speak of illness, of a journey that may lead me to where you are. The years have flown by like fleeting moments, and now I find myself facing the uncertainty of life's end. But fear not, my love, for my heart is strangely at ease.

My children, my beautiful blessings, have grown into kind and hardworking young souls. They stand on their own, strong and capable, and I am filled with pride and gratitude for the time I have spent with them. I have poured my love and wisdom into their hearts, and now they walk with the strength to carry on without me.

Though I know that my absence will bring sorrow to their hearts, I find comfort in the knowledge that they will be surrounded by love and support. They will be there for each other, just as we were, a testament to the love that binds us all.

As I reflect on my life, I find that my heart longs for the day when I shall be reunited with you. The thought of your arms embracing me, your laughter ringing in my ears, and your love surrounding me brings a sense of peace unlike any other.

I have no regrets, my love, for the life we shared was filled with love and joy, even if briefly, and my children are a testament to that love that filled my soul all these years. They are living proof of the love you poured into me, that we poured this world, and that love will continue to ripple through the generations to come.

Now, as my journey nears its end, I yearn for the moment when I shall cross over to where you are. I ask you to wait for me, my beloved, for we will be together soon. The love that has united us in this life will continue in the next, and we will find each other once more.

I am not afraid, for I know that our love is eternal, transcending the boundaries of time and space. I will watch over my children from beyond, and my love will guide and protect them as I know yours has done with me through all these years we’ve been apart.

Until the day comes when we are united again, my heart, hold onto the love we shared, as I will hold onto the memories of our time together. I eagerly await the moment when we shall embrace once more, and our souls will dance together in eternal bliss.

With all my love forever,

Lady Hu Tao.

.

.

HER VISION IS BLURRY WITH the shape of tears, the trail they’re leaving down her cheeks is starting to grow cold on her skin.

There are no more letters, but there is one last paper tucked on the bottom of the box. An extract from a newspaper, faded in time. She reads it with a heavy heart.

.

.

Local Paper Obituary - In Loving Memory of a Lady Hu Tao.

December, 1532.

It is with heavy hearts and profound sorrow that we announce the passing of our beloved Lady Hu Tao. She departed from this world on December 2nd, surrounded by the love of her family and friends.

Lady Hu Tao was a beacon of light and love to all who knew her. Throughout her life, she touched the hearts of many with her kindness, playfulness, and unwavering spirit. She was a soul born from light, a fun friend, and a source of inspiration to those fortunate enough to cross her path.

She leaves behind her cherished children, who were her greatest joy and pride. The love she poured into their hearts will be a guiding force in their lives, and her memory will forever be etched in their souls.

Though her time with us was marked by moments of strength and resilience, it was her unwavering love for her deceased female beloved that defined her life. Their love transcended the boundaries of time and space, and even in her final days, she held steadfast to the hope of reuniting with her beloved once more.

Lady Hu Tao lived a life filled with love, laughter, and purpose. She was known for her easy-going nature, her fun smiles, and her ability to bring happiness and joy to those around her. Her presence was a balm to the souls of many, and she leaves behind a legacy of love and compassion that will continue to touch lives for generations to come.

In her final days, she found solace in the thought of being reunited with her beloved, and we take comfort in knowing that they are now together, dancing among the stars.

A memorial service will be held on December 3rd at the Temple, where family and friends will gather to celebrate the life of Lady Hu Tao and bid her farewell.

May Lady Hu Tao rest in eternal peace, forever surrounded by the love and light of her beloved and the memories of all who cherished her. She will be deeply missed but never forgotten.

"Love is not finite, for it transcends the boundaries of life and death."

.

.

HU TAO FINISHES READING THE PAPER. There are tears streaming down her face, her chest heaving with the overwhelming emotions of a life she lived, centuries ago, that’s now pouring down her veins and soaking her bones. She sniffles, trying to steady her breath.

And just then, she hears the main door open. You have come back home from today’s work. Hu Tao doesn’t waste a second.

She rushes through the hallway with an almost desperate urgency and pounces on you, her arms wrapping around you tightly. The force of her tackle sends both of you tumbling to the floor.

“Tao— Whoa. Hello to you too, my—” 

You start, but you’re quickly cut off.

“Don’t ever die and leave me behind!” She demands, her face burrowed in your chest, her voice quivering with raw emotion. “Don’t do anything silly like risking your life for me!”

Confusion creeps into your voice.

“I don’t— Tao, where is this coming from?” You try to make sense of the sudden intensity.

“Just say it! Say you will be with me now, always.” She pleads, lifting her head to look at you. The intensity in her eyes almost scares you. “Please. I don’t— I don’t know what I would do if something bad happened to you… So, please… Please, don’t ever leave me.”

“Oh, my love.” Your heart aches at the depth of her fear. Gently, you cradle her face in your hands, smiling softly at her. “Nothing bad is going to happen to me. I am going to stay right here, right where I am, with you, for as long as you want me to.”

“So you promise, right? You promise to stay with me forever? For as long as the sun shines and the birds sing?” She insists, her eyes searching yours. “You won’t lose your life in a duel to the death for my hand, and I won’t stay missing you for all the years that come after?”

“What—?” You shake your head, letting out a soft laugh. “No, my love, I promise I won’t lose my life in a duel to the death for your hand. I will stay right here. Right where you can see me, okay?”

“Thank you, my pumpkin pie… That makes me feel better.”

Hu Tao nuzzles her head into your shoulder, burying her face into your shirt’s fabric and breathing in. You can feel her chest swell as she continues to breathe, her warmth pouring all over you and her auburn hair cascading down her back.

“Tao… Where is this coming from, really? I was gone for one weekend and I come back to you feeling like this…” Your voice is gentle. “Did something happen, my love?”

Hu Tao sighs, her fingers nervously tracing patterns on the fabric of your clothing.

“It’s silly, really. Maybe I’ve been reading too much lately…” She shakes her head. “You’re going to think I’m crazy.”

With a reassuring smile, you reach out to cup her face in your hands, your touch tender and loving. 

“My heart, nothing you could ever say would make me think you're crazy. Just say what's in your heart, I'll listen." You stroke her cheeks lovingly. “No judgment, remember?"

A flicker of uncertainty crosses her crimson eyes, but then she takes a deep breath and decides to open her mouth again.

"I don't know how to describe it... It's a lot easier to understand if I just showed you instead... But, I don't want you to freak out." Hu Tao closes her eyes, trying to decide if she should continue. She looks up at you with a hopeful look before speaking. "Do you want to see it?"

You nod without hesitation. “Yes. Show me.”

Hu Tao guides you to your shared bedroom and pulls out the ornate Timekeeper’s box. She opens it up, revealing dozens the of letters that appear to be from you to her, and vice versa. Your handwriting is distinct and your words are as easy to identify to you as they were to her.

“And these, too…”

 Hu Tao shows you the photos she bought from the antique shop, also carefully nestled inside the ornate box. You see the small collection of photos taken centuries ago of two lovers, different throughout the ages. Although the quality is poor, they both share an unmistakable similar appearance to the two of you that you can quickly tell. 

Hu Tao notices your bewilderment as you look at the photos, and continues to speak, her gaze fixed on the old photographs spread out before the two of you.

"The photos are almost like a window into another life... A different me, or another you... and it's so strange, but I've got to admit... I could see us in every single one. Am I going crazy?"

“Tao, what… What is this? Where did you get these from?” 

You say, confusing swirling within you. Hu Tao glances up at you, her eyes filled with wonder and uncertainty.

"I just found them from a small antique shop earlier this week... I wasn't expecting anything particular out of them, but... It's just so weird, right? It's almost like destiny brought these to me... You can see what I mean, right?"

With a growing sense of intrigue, you lean in to examine the photos more closely. Your heart skips a beat as you recognize the figures in the pictures, unmistakably the two of you. Your hand moves to touch the letters, tracing the familiar curves of your own handwriting.

“These… These are us. That’s you, Tao.” You say, taking it all into your uncertain hands. “And this is my handwriting. How…?”

Your voice trails off as the implications of this discovery start to sink in your mind and body. Hu Tao opens her mouth again. 

"I know. The moment I saw them, I knew that I had to have them... It was as if for at least a moment, I got to look into a world that's almost exactly the same as ours, yet somehow different... It all seemed so... familiar."

Hu Tao looks at the photos in your hands as you examine them too. You nod, now looking at her, her beautiful wide crimson eyes.

“They do look familiar. This feels… Like I have seen this all before. Like a dream. Something I… Can’t quite remember.”

Hu Tao nods to your words, taking some photographs in her hands. 

"I feel the same way. It's as if this is something we always knew, but we never remembered. Look at the photos, you look exactly like how you do now. But yet you are someone else. It's all so... Uncanny. It's as if I'm looking into a mirror, but it's not quite me..." Her words become quieter. "It doesn't feel like a dream, even if it's like a dream. Is this just a fantasy? Or could this really be who we used to be?"

The longer you look at the photos, the more you notice subtle differences. The two lovers in the photos wore clothes you've never seen before, and their facial expressions seemed to carry a sense of sorrow not found in your world. Yet, you also feel like it is all something you've seen before, and your head starts to swirl with strange memories. You can’t quite tell how familiar this all is, but there is definitely some connection.

Seeing your face scrunch with confusion, shock, and a slight bit of fear, makes Hu Tao’s heart sink. She gently pushes your hands with the photos down to your side.

"Don't worry, it doesn't mean anything. We probably aren't the only two people in this world to look like that. I'm sure we'll forget about it tomorrow as if it was a bad dream. It's not like it's some kind of past life or something, haha."

Hu Tao chuckles a little in an attempt to lighten your mood, her laughter tinged with a nervous energy. You swallow, voicing the very idea that had haunted her since the discovery.

“Past life… I know this sounds… Absolutely bonkers. But what if— What if it really was us? In past lives?”

Hu Tao blinks, then bursts into laughter, the sound matching the incredulity of your suggestion.

“Oh, now you're going down the same insane train of thought as I am? Hahaha~” She pauses, her laughter fading. “But... What if it is true? What if we've just been separated over and over again, throughout all of time... It's such a ridiculous idea, but that tiny thought at the back of my mind still makes my entire body tremble.” Another pause. And then, “Would you think I'm going mad if I believe it?"

You meet her gaze with a newfound seriousness, shaking your head.

“Half an hour ago, yes. I would. But now… Tao, the more I look at these pictures, these handwritings, the more I… Remember. The silk of the prom dress… The echoes of war in my ears…” Hu Tao’s heart clenches as you begin to describe the memories that are starting to resurface. “The weight— Tao, the weight of the sword in my hand. I have never in my life yielded a sword, I— What if it’s true?”

Hu Tao feels her blood run cold as she listens to your words. Her heart skips a beat, making her stomach churn and her lips quiver.

"Don't say that... Don't say things like that, because what if it really is true? Who knows, after all, what lies beyond life and death..."

Hu Tao buries her face into your shoulder again, too weighed by the revelation to look up from her spot. She curls up, hugging you tightly, claiming your safety and comfort in the midst of the bewildering revelations that have shaken your world.

In the hushed atmosphere, you ask a question, one that hangs in the air like a delicate thread, soft and gentle.

“Do you want to know what I… What I remember the most, of all this?”

Hu Tao shifts her head from where it rests against your shoulder, her nervous eyes searching your gaze as she waits for your response. Her heart races with anticipation as she says, "What do you remember?"

“You.” You draw a soft smile, the affection pouring out of your curved lips for her eyes only. “I remember you, Tao. I remember loving you ardently, life after life. It sounds absolutely crazy, but… I swear I remember yearning to be back to your side. To spend my life with you. To fight for you. I remember… I remember loving you, before I was even born into this life.”

“You... You remember loving me? You mean it?" 

Hu Tao stares at you, her eyes brimming with tears. You’ve been sharing the most intimate thoughts and feelings with one another, her heart pounding rapidly as if she’s been running a marathon, but this realization makes her heart feel like it's dropping like a heavy rock into a bottomless void. She wipes her tears away and leans her head back against your shoulder. She wraps her arms around your body, as if to hold herself together with you.

“I really mean it.” You chuckle, caressing her cheeks in disbelief. “As ridiculous as it sounds… I really do, my love.”

Hu Tao's face lights up with joy, her crimson eyes tearing up as she wraps her arms around you tight, squeezing you tighter, her face buried into the welcoming softness of your chest.

"You remember loving me... before you were even born into this life...? That's the exact same way I've felt about you since the first day that I saw you... What if it's true? What if you were always my true love, waiting for me in every life?"

Your gaze holds a deep sense of certainty when you say,

“Then, I am glad I found you again in this life. I promise to make the most of the years we have this time around.” You gently kiss her cheek. Then smile, open and honest like she’s learned to love from you. “And I promise to find you in the next one, too.”

Hu Tao looks up at you, her ember eyes glistening. With gratitude. With love.

"My dear... I knew our love was meant to be, that we were destined for each other... But I never knew we were fated like this. No matter where, no matter when, and for all of time itself, we'll always find a way to each other. I'll always be the love of your life... and you'll always be the best of my worlds. Please, I beg of you, don't ever let our hearts be parted again."

As the intensity of the moment wraps the both of you, Hu Tao brings her lips close to your ear, her warm breath sending shivers down your spine as she whispers, "Promise me."

“I promise…” Hu Tao smiles as you whisper back with a shaky breath.

“You're mine, and I'm yours... It's funny how fate works. I never thought I'd find myself in a situation like this, even though I've read so many stories about such things in the past. But I think I'm happy with it, so long as it’s you with me."

Hu Tao pulls back from your neck, as her face lights up in the sweetest smile you've ever seen.

“You look silly when you shiver like that. Come give me a kiss."

You draw an easy smile at her teasing, your cheeks growing a slight shade of pink.

“A soulmate kiss?”

“No, a wife-kiss! Hehe~ We are married, you know?”

Hu Tao places a finger to her lips and winks, playfully waiting for you to kiss her on her lips. 

“You’re right, my lovely wife.” 

Your heart warms at the reminder, and you lean in to give her a kiss. The moment is gentle, tender as your lips brush together, slowly savoring the connection.

However, that’s nearly not enough to satisfy Hu Tao.

"That's not how you kiss a wife! Here, I'll show you~"

Hu Tao leans toward you, eagerly locking her lips with yours in a passionate kiss. You feel her tongue lightly dance against your own, as a warm flush rises to your cheeks. She pulls away from the kiss, looking at you with a playful grin adorning her beautiful face.

"That's more like it~"

You feel your face flushed, entirely too warm. “I… Yes, that was nice.”

"Mhm, then come back here for more~"

Hu Tao chuckles and leans in to capture your lips again, this time pulling you by the collar of your shirt and giving you a soft, sweet kiss now, closing her eyes as you two lean into the other in a warm embrace. Your lips tingle as they meet with hers, your fingers gently brushing the nape of her neck. Her hand rises to your hair, cradling your head with care as she continues to kiss you— A kiss filled with all the love of all your past lives. Finally, she pulls away, and smiles at you sweetly.

“I'll always be yours, my beautiful wife, and I will never love anyone else. Just you. That’s my promise for this lifetime.” She winks at you. “And all the others that come next too, I suppose~”

You brush her cheeks softly, tracing the shape of her cheekbone with your gentle fingertips, looking at her with affection drawn all over your eyes. 

“A lifetime— No, an eternity with you, my love.” You pinch her cheeks, chuckling. “A blessing or a curse, I wonder?”

"Hehe~ I don't really care, because regardless, we'll be together, for better or for worse. The world could be ending and even when we're old and wrinkly, I'm willing to go through it all just to be by your side." Hu Tao smiles, bringing her nose close to yours. "But hey, it's not all sappy and lovey-dovey. I mean, even if we're destined to be together, that doesn't mean I'll stop teasing or pranking you. That much, I will never change."

She closes her ember eyes and you gently brush away a stray hair hanging in front of her face, before kissing the tip of her nose, laughing out of love and saying,

“You know? I wouldn’t change that for the world.”

.

.

THE FOLLOWING DAY, YOU WOULD stroll down the Harbor together, hand in hand. You would walk the same steps that lead Hu Tao to the antique shop days before, looking for the shop's weathered sign that reads "The Timekeeper's Trinkets", the creaky door, the musty scent of old books and polished wood and the elderly shopkeeper with twinkling eyes.

But instead, you find nothing. Like such an antique shop had never really existed in the cobblestone streets of Liyue Harbor.

And perhaps, you think, it never had.

If you enjoyed this, please consider liking or reblogging it <3!

You can check more of my writing on (this link!). Thank you!

[clumsydragon28]

2 Years of clumsydragon28 ✨

On June 17th, 2022 I posted my first work ever on ao3. After an almost 9 year hiatus from writing, I once again picked up a pen and began again. My life has only gotten better after making that decision, and I am so grateful for the ones who inspired me to once again embrace such a huge part of who I am.

If you would like to see a general recap of my first year of writing, you can read Journey of Words on ao3. Below you will find an in depth look back on my second year of being in fandom ♥️

I would say my first year of fandom can be summed up by the word "excitement". Once I got that first story down, the floodgates opened. Every idea felt like a good idea, and I couldn't get them down fast enough.

My second year, however, I would define as "thoughtful". Compared to the 17 fics I posted in year one, this past year I only published 8. Even though that number is signicantly less, these eight feel more special. Before any of those 8 ideas became more concrete, I asked myself "is this truly what I want to write?" Everytime, that answer was yes. And by writing less, I was able to give each story the time and energy it deserved to be the best it could be. And so, I would like to go a little more in depth as to why each one is special to me.

We begin with Floral Hues. I wanted to write something with my bois for pride month, and after seeing the "flower picking" prompt for rare-pair June, this idea slowly formed. This is the first instance where I really started to experiment more with formatting in my poetry. I wanted to talk about colors and have the words resemble a rainbow, and so I let those forces drive me in writing. I am really pleased with what I was able to pull it off in this one.

Next came Matchmaker which was my first (and certainly not last) dip into writing MitsuCho. The prompt "cat's day" was perfect because I am obsessed with the adorable Mikazuki. I wanted him to drive the poem, bringing the two lovers to together. And I wanted the formatting of the poem to reflect that as well: the stanzas slowly move out and then come back to where they started on the page, just like MIkazuki leads Mitsuki to Chocho and then both of them back home.

Then I took a little break from poetry to write Unanswered Questions. The friendship between Shikadai and Boruto is such a special bond I love, and one I always want to see more of in canon. With the ending of the OG manga, I just couldn't help imagining how Shikadai would view the change in their relationship. Is there a part of him that would remember? Would he be totally fooled by the changes caused by omnipotence? And so, with their friendship bracelets as a catalyst, this story was born. This is one of (if not) my favorite one shot that I've written. It also includes sweet Inojin offering comforting snuggles and kisses to his boyfriend, and it pushes forward my Long Haired Inojin agenda hehe.

SPEAKING OF LONG HAIRED INOJIN, we are now at my only multi-chap story of the past year: our hearts belong on the sea. When I asked @unioncolours what she would like as a birthday present and she gave me this prompt, I could not have been more excited. I had said before that we need a pirate au in the Shikajin fandom, but I never thought I'd be the one to write it. But boy, am I glad I did. I had the absolute best time and the most fun writing this story. Many moments are heavily inspired by the Pirates of the Carribbean movies, but I gave it my own spin and really just went for it. The idea that loves conquers all (a very Bex-core theme hehe) is something I will never tire of writing. I love this story and I love this world I created. I can't wait to one day return and write even more about these swashbuckling lads ⚔️

And now, we come to Sunshine + Starlight. First, I must give another thank you to @keijidraws who created the most stunning artwork to go along with this. I will try not to go on too long about this poem (because I easily could) but this one means so much to me. It took me 9 months to finish this poem. Not because I was struggling and running out of ideas, but because I knew this one was something special. Writing this poem brought me inexplicable joy and happiness and I wanted to hold onto that feeling for as long as I could. I knew as soon as I was done, I would be sad to no longer have it to work on. But accomplishing this poem is one of my greatest achievements. It encompasses everything I love about poetry, everything I love about my own writing, and it is everything I could have ever hoped for it to be and more.

Then I made another return to prose for @backgroundcharacterno5's birthday with The Fabrics of Friendship. I always love to figure out how to put a story into the world of canon. So when given the prompt of matching pajamas, I knew where exactly I wanted to fit it in. The dynamics of the InoShikaCho kiddos are my absolute favorite, as are they Mon's, and I throroughly enjoyed exploring each of their own individual thoughts and feelings in regards to the results of the chuunin exams. Their bond is unbreakable, and I look forward to writing even more about it.

In case you haven't noticed yet, I love to gift works. And so my next poem, Pigments of the Imagination was also a birthday gift. This time for the lovely @notquitejiraiya. This one is also inspired by an amazing artwork by the talented @keijidraws. When I write for a friend, I like to incorpate as many of the things I know they love that I can into the story. And with this one, I really tried to have so much of Becks shine. Some were more subtle than others, but every mention I could sneak in just made the poem stronger. I also really went for it in terms of formatting on this one, trying to emulate Inojin's artistic nature with how the words are laid on the page. My most favorite is probably the heart shaped stanza hehe. This is another poem I really treasure.

And now for my most recent work, we take a dip into a new fandom with In Memoriam H. W. G.. This is a poem I wasn't even going to originally post when done. But once I started working on it, I knew I had to. I am incredibly proud of this work, but in a different way than I am of my others. This was a very big step out of my comfort zone. For the first time I had to write poetry not as I would myself, but as somone else. I had to channel the thoughts, grief, and anger of a character while following a very strict rhyme and rhythm in order for it to fit within the context of the novel. And I did it. For this to be my 25th fanfiction feels very special. I think it excapsulates the growth I've gone through as a writer. And I am excited to see how the leap I took with tackling this poem will strengthen my writing in the future.

In terms of being "thoughtful", I must also make note of my reading habits. Before, I just devoured fanfic. I piled up stories left and right and consumed it all as quickly as possible. Now, my reading style has changed. I have not been reading nearly as many fics as I used to, but it is because I want to read more carefully. For those who have seen comments from me, you know that the character limit on ao3 is not my friend. There was a time that I was afraid to leave comments, thinking that my ranting and raving would be annoying to an author. But I am glad I chose to stop holding myself back. When an author replies to one of my comments, telling me my thoughts and feelings have made their day...that is worth far more than any comment I receive on my own writing. Because it is my truest unfiltered self in those comments, so hearing that it is accepted and loved means the world ❤️

So what is in store for year 3 of clumsydragon28? I think we will see yet another change in pace. More slowed down, and even more thoughtful.

For those of you who have read Plié-sed to Have Met You, and if you happened to catch Sway that I posted here a few months ago, you will see that I have big plans for a part 2 to this dance AU. I think this fic will be my next Sunshine + Starlight. I really want to take my time with this fic and savour every moment of writing it. I am excited to put all my focus into one singular work and give it everything I've got. I don't know how long I'll need (I've already spent almost two years just thinking about it haha), but I vow to make this story the absolute best I can.

I will end this look back on a quote the lovely Bex shared with me in a comment:

"The treason of the artist; a refusal of the banality of evil and the terrible boredom of pain"

This is one of the greatest honours I could have bestowed upon me: to be considered a traitor artist. There is alot of pain and hurt in this world, and I agree that we need to recognize it. But there is also so much beauty in this world. Beauty that needs to be celebrated. So I choose to focus my writing on the magic of life and love. Because it is by hoping and belieiving in a better future that we can achieve it.

For those of you who have showed your excitement and are waiting as patiently as you can for my next story, I thank you wholeheartedly. You are who drive me forwards and push me to be my best self. I would not be here were it not for you, my dearest darlings. I hope to gift you the story you so rightfully deserve ♥️

-clumsydragon28

P.S. will a Shikajin poem or two sneak itself in between now and then? I am a poet after all so...I might not be able to help myself hehe 🤭

[glacierclear]

Hihi writer here! I hope this ask isn’t unwelcome, I just want to say that I totally get that feeling of nervousness and as someone who almost only writes smut and worries others would think that says something about me I am with you 100%. But! I think I can speak for many writers when I say we would swoon if you wanted to talk to us, cartoon slip on banana peel kind of head over heels, but I totally get the feeling and only want to reassure you that we would love talking with you and that you are more than welcome to anytime 🖤 (and we fucking love your art, sending all the love!)

WAUUGHHH this is so sweet !!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I guess it is silly to be anxious about it when a lot of my fav writers also write lots of smut...........hoho. this message is very kind thank you 🥺🥺🥺

I actually comment on works quite frequently on AO3 it's just that my username there is different so even if the writer knows my work I doubt they'd ever know I love them lots hehe. But maybe I should just start Straight Up recommending fics on here there are sooo many I love ❤️

[ilyrafe]

HEYY LOVIE :) since you write some of the best angst I have ever read, what are some of your tips to write some real gut wrenching angst? (just like how you wrenched my guts with the worlds apart fic🥰)

HI ANGEL 🩵 thank you so much, babe! that means a lot to me, truly!

now, i am not a professional writer, never took classes or anything like that, all i know about writing angst was learned by reading it countless times and writing it as well. with that said, i do have a few tips!

put yourself in your character shoes during the situation — how would you feel if this or that happened? i borrow a lot of my own experiences to what i write, it makes it more realistic!

you gotta be a little mean hehe 😈 since they’re not real people, make them hurt. it also makes your audience suffer as well, which is great! (lol)

psychological pain is a thousand times worse than physical pain, and psychological pain causes physical pain and causes destructive behaviors. even if your character is super duper rich, they can’t buy sanity and good sense (realistically speaking).

i personally love to explore the psychological aspects of my characters or the versions of the characters i write for. i like to give them a realistic perspective to them and make them make mistakes, be controversial and everything we are in real life. that adds to the angst the reader might experience!

i also love to play with good and bad luck. sometimes everything is going right to the MC, they’re finally doing well and then... bam! tragedy happens. or, everything is going bad to the MC, and then... bam! their worst fear happens.

to me, angst is also about adding up to what is already pretty bad. so if you have a character who is struggling to move on from a relationship, make them see their ex happy with someone else!

i can’t think of anything else, but i hope this is helpful 🥰

[vostok3-ka]

For the ask game hehe ❌💖✨

Hi hi howdy! Thank you so much for the ask <333 I hope you are well :D

❌ - Heh so, one trope that I will never, ever write is anything sexual. I just- feel uncomfortable doing so. I will gleefully jump at the chance to write horror, psychological drama, and intense angst, but sexual, that's where I dip. I also won't write Reader tropes, as it simply isn't to my taste at all. Another thing I won't write, and I don't know if this counts as a trope, is Stucky. I just can't write them like that. I see this mostly as brothers, as really close, tight friends, and although I will read Stucky sometimes (i have a few fics in mind that i would absolutely devour) I simply am not able to get them as a romantic relationship into words. They're forever friends to me, really close friends. Friends who will die in the other's arm simply to save them, friends who will cuddle up together to keep warm, and bring comfort to the other without it ever going further. I cannot express how much delight it brings me when I find fics like that!

💖 - OOH I like this question. Honestly what made me start writing was the need to put my emotions into words, to put what I feel onto paper, which is probably why I started out writing poetry, about four? years ago, so that's what I feel most comfortable with honestly. Prose is fresh to me, which is why I struggle a little with pacing, and dialogue more than I do with imagery and description. Also, more recently, what made me start writing fics, was the despair I felt at not being able to find what I want to read, so I simply decided to write what I want to read for my own silly entertainment. That's about it really! The urge to put feelings into paper, and the want to read fics I cannot otherwise find ;D

✨ - This is such a sweet ask to receive, and yet probably the hardest. I am incredibly insecure when it comes to my writing and I feel so bad complimenting it, as I don't have a lot of experience with prose, but I have to say, I like how my fic ideas can be a little different than other fics. I haven't seen a fic getting Bucky hooked on morphine before, and I haven't seen a fic based around the Trans-Siberian express either, as well as a fic exploring Rumlow and Bucky's relationship post TFAWS (Rumlow is alive in my mind hehe) while they wrestle with supernatural elements. I also like my characterization of the Winter Soldier. I know that's a bit weird to say, but I like the way I don't make him incompetent and, to be very blunt, an idiot. He is a well-trained assassin. Sure, Hydra treated him terribly, and he is eternally confused and taken advantage of, dissociated half the time, etc., but in the scenes we see him as the Winter Soldier, he is commanding other agents, he has emotion, and he speaks normally, even going as far as cursing. I like to think that he has SOME form of autonomy and own thoughts, as twisted and little as it is, and I try my best to convey that when I write him as the Winter Soldier.

Thanks again for the ask, this was so much fun, and expect some your way as well ;)

[seeingivy]

bsfs older brother sukuna asks!

hello my love 💌 this is SOOOOO SOOO SWEET thank you so much <3

i have actually considered expanding the characters i write for a lot frequently - once i feel like i have a grip on characterization it's actually really easy for me to go from there (hence why i now write a lot of eren fics and a lot of sukuna fics)

that being said, I DO actually have a toji idea that kind of floats around in my head where it's like toji w/ megumi as his son and the reader is his teacher!

(i am assuming this is about bsfs older brother sukuna bc this ask came right after that)

AND AHHHHHHH THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU I LOVE LOVE YOU!!! <3 (and thank you for saying that it's worth the wait that truly makes me feel better)

this is one of the most special and sweetest things someone has ever said to me 💌

i always get a little nervous writing chapters because i know i'm writing a character that is so ooc (we don't acknowledge canon sukuna idgaf he has killed so many of my meow meows at this point that i'm inconsolable) BUT it makes my entire heart that people actually enjoy it and read it

also very strange, but sometimes as a writer (a lot of the times actually) i don't really story board or write out my fics. when certain ideas really speak to me, the second i start writing they kind of take a life of their own (which is EXACTLY what happened with this fic bc if anyone recalls the first chapter was a oneshot that just now has 13 parts after it...)

anyways, lots of words but tldr it's very special to me that people enjoy this like little soft thing that i kind of just write for myself - and that the words stick with them afterwards like they do with me

anyways! i'll hopefully have the next chapter up tomorrow or the day after. here are some spoilies

the most awkward birthday party known to man

including but not limited to: four pairs of awkward siblings and gojo trying to break the ice (it doesn't work)

shattered ceramics, weird dynamics, and a total SNEAK at the end of the chapter hehe

[apopcornkernel]

hey jingfu president 😏 i was gonna claw through ur inbox eventually when i could form a coherent question abt this but ill just do it now while the iron’s hot

i plan on writing canon compliant jingfu but the timeline baffles me so much 😭 do you happen to have any notes on hand about when the quintet was formed, how long ago that was before jingfu met, when jingfu met, and what they’ve been through together in canon until well.. now (being post jingliu companion quest).

i want to have a sense of how much fu xuan would know abt his involvement with the quintet (hurt/comfort fan here).. given that he was general when jingfu already met i assume the group was formed WAY before that.. but when did they have their fallout? was fx there as master diviner when dan feng came back as dan heng? (i assume yes?) was she there when jing yuan had to defeat jingliu? (tears my hair out)

so sorry about this i will definitely do my own research but was just wondering if you had some/any info first!

hellooo!!! okay quick note before i start a lot of my info will be coming from my memory and checked using the wiki

before i get started with your questions: let’s have the dates we do know! (SC - Star Calendar)

Between 7280–7329 SC - HCQ established.

According to both Todd Riordan's Investigation of Ancient Pattern Rubbings from the Luofu and Jing Yuan’s Story 4, the HCQ lasted less than a century in total. (I put down 7329 as the latest because if it had been less than fifty, i think they would've said less than half a century instead of less than century.)

7379 SC - Sedition of Imbibitor Lunae & Dissolution of HCQ

7380 SC - Jing Yuan and Jingliu's fight in that one animated short

8072 SC - Jingfu joint war crime to end the Third Abundance War

8096 SC - Yanqing “rose to fame in a tournament and was conferred the rank of Cloud Knight Lieutenant”

8100 SC - (PRESENT) Trailblazer storyline begins

ok!! onto your questions:

1. when was the quintet formed? when did it fall?

so, actually. like i noted in the above dates, we really don't know when it was formed. however, we know when it ended—which coincides with the Sedition, at 7379 SC! working backwards from there, we’re told by a primary (jing yuan) and secondary source (todd riordan) that the HCQ lasted less than a century, so I put down a range between 7280–7329 SC. pick whatever year suits your fic best!!

2. how long ago was this before jingfu met? when did jingfu meet?

i am sad to say that this was likely a very long time before jingfu met, or even before fu xuan was born. in Oblation Obtained, Order Ordained, Fu Xuan says:

I was not born in the heroic and extraordinary era of the High-Cloud Quintet. To have seen those legends with my own eyes...

however, Fu Xuan's Story 4 (8072 SC) isn't necessarily the first time she meets the general (although it does seem like the first time she gets to talk to him directly, one on one). Story 3 talked about her leaving for the Luofu, and Story 4 picks up with the phrase “Centuries passed thus”, implying she spends at least more than one century in the Luofu before the Third Abundance War begins.

so strictly speaking: their first meeting is likely in 8072 SC, but you have a few centuries’ of leeway if you want to have them meet earlier!

3. what has jingfu been together for in canon?

unfortunately, after the third abundance war in 8072 SC, we aren't given much on the large-scale workings of the Luofu until the trailblazer arrives. we do, however, have tiny updates on the movements of the fanghu, yaoqing, yuque, zhuming! also, if you refer to the dates i gave you up there, fu xuan would have been around for yanqing's promotion to cloud knight lieutenant in 8096 SC :D

and of course, they were there for all the events of the trailblaze missions ! hehe

4. was fu xuan there as master diviner when dan feng was reborn as dan heng?

no :( i'm pretty sure dan feng's molting rebirth was enacted shortly after his imprisonment, and fu xuan has already said she wasn't born in that era

5. was fu xuan there when jing yuan had to defeat jingliu?

no, same reason as above :(

that's really it hsjshsj i wish hsr would release a history book with dates for everything :( it would make my life so much easier,,, anyways i hope this helped <3 good luck on the fic omg i can't wait to read it!!!!