#I cannot believe these gay bitches actually survived

[oddlylongtelephonecord]

I cannot believe that soukoku fans actually won in the end. If you told me *yesterday* that Chuuya was never a vampire to begin with I would have called you crazy. But it’s true.

Dazai actually did have a plan all along.

[spectrum-color]

So Fitz and the Fool obviously had this insanely homoerotic relationship and were intensely devoted to each other. We as readers were all there for “I love you and all that is part of you” and “the man I had been would not survive this loss” and “Beloved, I have missed your company.” What do people in their lives think though? We get some hints, but I have my own ideas too.

Burrich-Way too hung up on Fitz having the Wit to be worried about his sexual orientation. Also, with the way he talks about Chivalry, he probably also has a very distorted view of platonic friendships between bros.

Nighteyes-He can literally read Fitz’s thoughts; he can hear the whole internal monologue about the Fools golden beauty at all times. He would also def rather Fitz take the Scentless One to mate than his existing choices (the Howling Bitch? Really?)

Chade-Def thinks that they’re on the DL and does not care. For all Chades faults he doesn’t gaf what Fitz does as long as it doesn’t impact the Farseers.

Kettricken-You cannot convince me that she isn’t like “they’re finally together; good for them” when they return to court as Lord Golden and Tom Badgerlock.

Patience-How much she knows is a huge mystery actually. I do headcanon Patience as bi and Lacey as her partner (imo it’s quite obvious and hilarious that Fitz doesn’t notice) so she would be open minded, but Fitz hides a lot from her.

Shrewd-We don’t get enough of him from Fitz’s POV to know but personally I would think it’s hilarious if he clocked that his jester was in love with his bastard grandson and was like well not sure what to do with that information.

Verity-The man is barely clinging to life for Fitzs entire adolescence; I think he only had the vaguest idea of what was going around him for like 5 years.

Molly-Fitz keeping the memory stone statue and the unsent letters he writes the Fool locked in his secret study implies that he never tells her about the Fool or their time as Prophet and Catalyst, which makes sense because he always used her to hide from that kind of thing.

Starling-She totally knew it and was outraged that Fitz would claim to have no idea. Def saw them snuggling at least once in the Mountains. Had no idea who Lord Golden really was but still thought he and Fitz were hooking up. Would hear about Lady Amber and Prince FitzChivalry and feel very validated.

Hap-He goes into full research mode after he sees Lord Chance (who looked strangely like Lord Golden?) go into the wolf with Fitz in preparation for the ballad he was going to write about it. Since this research involved talking to Starling, he now believes that Lord Chance was a woman in disguise who had a decades long torrid affair with his foster dad.

Dutiful-He discreetly approached Fitz about it and Fitz gave the weirdest most suspicious denial ever; he def thinks that they’re sleeping together. Plus he’s friends with infamous closet case Civil Bresinga.

Nettle-Also asks Fitz about it and is told “I loved that man as I have loved no one else,” then she meets him and sees that he strongly resembles her little sister who mysteriously appeared long after her mothers fertile years, and finally watched them go into a memory stone statue together. She def has her theories.

Bee-She knows what’s up. Fitz literally talks about raising her with the Fool while they all cuddle. Plus she read some of his unsent letters and his memoirs, and if they are in fact basically the first 6 books, they are gay af.

[nerendus]

Movie #5 was Alien 3.

It certainly wasn't as good as the first two films, but I still really did enjoy it. Most of my complaint comes from the fact that it really didn't have much space stuff going on.

The CGI for the Xenomorph was fucking horrendous in this movie, but honestly, that isn't diminishing at all for me. In fact, I find how bad it is to actually be very endearing. The scene in the med bay where the Xenomorph sort of inspects Ripley and then spares her was really hot to me, and I really thought at the time that it spared her because it was sexist. I like the actual reason behind it, but I think the sexism thing would've also been funny.

But there is just no way in God's blue earth that I could believe that this maximum security prison that only houses religious men doesn't have a bunch of gay people. Yeah, sure, maybe one or two guys would've turned their head lustfully at the sight of Ripley, but most of them should already have enough sexual tension would their cellmates to keep them busy.

When I got to the attempted rape scene, I was sorta confused as to why they felt it necessary to put it in there. I first thought maybe it's to show that Dillon had learned from his previous mistakes and had become a better man when he came to save Ripley. Of course, the actual reason is that it's meant to be a metaphor for Ripley's forced impregnation of the Xenomorph, which is in of itself a metaphor for rape. While I am glad it was Dillon there to save her, I was just really amping it up to be the Xenomorph coming to rescue her. I think that would've been really cool.

And Ripley being the mother to the Xenomorph Queen was just so fucking good. All of my complaints about the film are immediately gone with the fact that she pretty much definitely got fucked somo style when in cryosleep. I mean, the sexual tension between her and Mommy Xenomorph at the end of Aliens would honestly be enough to get someone pregnant in my professional opinion.

Movie #5 is also Alien: Resurrection.

Now this movie was so much better than Alien 3. Ripley is so fucking funny in this film and I am in love with her so much. That whole entire scene with her encountering the former Ripley experiments was so fucking cool, especially that one that came out really close to a Xenomorph.

I love her dynamic with the Xenomorphs, how it's almost portrayed as her hating these creatures but still feeling that sense of kinship with them as she's technically their grandmother.

And the Xenomorphs themselves are so cool. No one can watch that scene of the aliens in that cell sort of looking at each other and silently planning an escape and tell me that they are just violent animals. In that scene, they really felt like humans that just couldn't speak and were highly aggressive. I loved being able to cheer them on as they killed all of the scientists and military officers on the ship.

I love the crew of the Betty. Winona Ryder is great in everything she does. They're a bunch of funny guys, and the fact that quite a few of them got to survive was really nice given that in all previous movies, most of the main cast ends up dying. The scene where the one bitch who shoots the Xenomorph and then swoops around the shoot a fucking spider is endlessly funny to me.

"I'm the monster's mother" hottest thing that could've ever come out of Ripley's mouth.

I'm obsessed with the scene of her being cradled in the arms of a Xenomorph and sort of just resting her head against it was so fucking cool, Ripley cannot understand how badly I want to be her right now.

Human!Xeno baby was so fucking adorable. I understand why they needed to kill it, but it was just a baby!!! They could've taught it ABCs and why killing random people is bad!!! I wanna adopt a Human!Xeno baby and raise it with my Xenomorph spouse.

Also if the Xenomorph Queen evolved to have a human reproductive system, does that mean she's canonically fuckable? ....Asking for a friend.

Anyway, I really enjoyed that movie, possibly my favourite out of the four. I don't plan on watching the other Alien movies as Ripley doesn't seem to be the main character, and part of the Alien experience is Ripley being a funny badass. The games, however, look cool, so I might look into playing one of them at a future date.

[h3l10tr0p3]

MANGA CH. 284 SPOILERS

OF REDEMPTIONS AND ATONEMENTS:

We all been knew, man. We all knew this was coming.

And godDAMN does it fucking HURT. (oh the sweet sweet angstfest this whole chapter is, just *chef's kiss*)

But i legit cannot put into words how deep the choice to 'Atone' cuts on my bleeding bkdk heart. Let's first take a step back and see how Katsuki went from DvK2 to here- that one keystone moment that has given us this beautiful chapter: And I meant ALLLL the way back to Chap. 252

I have already written a whole-ass post based on this panel, which you can check Here.

TL;DR Katsuki was actually paying real close attention to Endeavour in this part. He came to Endeavour to learn exactly what he was missing as a Hero, but he learnt so much more.

This scene in particular left a momentous impact on Kacchan. Here, Natsuo is resistant to the idea of forgiving his father for all his sins just because he is more involved in their lives now. And Endeavour had been dreaming for a while about a Home where he is not present with the rest of the Todoroki's which ultimately gave him the idea of buying a house for the others to live in apart from him. This is HUGE. This is what actually drove Endeavour's Redemption home- the perfect understanding and the perfect compensation, the two elements of a brilliant Redemption Arc. NOT THE FORGIVENESS, just as Enji says it. It is NEVER ABOUT THE FORGIVENESS.

Endeavour understood that it was his presence that caused his family distress, and although he dearly wanted to be a part of his family again, was even making efforts towards it by being cordial and accepting of Shouto's friends, inviting them to a family dinner, etc. etc. Endeavour realized the only way he can compensate/atone was to give up something that would cause him suffering, and them happiness. The idea that your family doesnt want you, when you just started to show some effort and HOPE that they might see you in different light, maybe forgive you and then to just terminate those ties entirely, punting yourself into a void where NO ONE CAN COME IN AND SAVE YOU FROM YOUR SUFFERING, is exactly what Endeavour did. He is actively shutting down the ONE window through which his family could see that he was suffering, and miserable, and wanted to be a part of the family again. Endeavour CHOSE to not be forgiven. To writhe with the knowledge of his sins day in and day out with only the shrine of Dabi Touya to haunt him every waking minute.

I cannot explain just how much determination it takes to do that, man. It's just- WOW.

Excuse me for ranting on Endeavour in a bkdk post, but I swear this has a point. And All Might says this the best:

This is the fanlation, the official release (which I couldnt get my hands on) also mentions that "When I meant you were like Endeavour, I meant the Change"

This here is an important bit that AM has caught onto.

In the 252 panel, where Endeavour says 'It's not like I want forgiveness' (Because Endeavour understands he cannot be, should not be, forgiven) "I just want to make up for everything I have done" (and to back this up, Endeavour shuts down the one communication link that could have offered him forgiveness, and thus salvation from the weight of his sins and his guilt)

Katsuki understood Endeavour's idea of redemption very well here, although he might not be shown with that light-bulb moment. He may have already known this wayyy before Endeavour said anything, but those words lent a solidity and to the path he must persue to acheive redemption: And it's Not forgiveness.

Let me tell you why I think Atonement is the greater factor here, even greater than Redemption itself. Redemption has an end-point: Forgiveness. But Atonement doesn't. Atonement has no expiry date. Atonement is purely propelled by the understanding of self, and the weight of guilt the self bears, whereas a Redemption is All About The Forgiveness.

Forgiveness is an external force, it may or may not be given to you and that is completely up to the person who has been wronged. Atonement is self-imposed, it is a meditation of the soul to forgive itself against the guilt it carries.

If Redemption is a marathon with a banner at the finish line, Atonement is trying to drag a twenty pounds of rocks through the Sahara desert without water, food or a compass- it's endless, hopeless.

And this is why Atonement is greater than Redemption.

And do you think someone as stubborn as Kastuki will ever find himself atoned of his deeds? No. And That, my friends, is The Point. In 252, when Endeavour says, "I dont want forgiveness" it's not just him saying it- it's also Katsuki. "I just want to make it upto you", is also Katsuki.

And to prove it, Katsuki will never ask for forgiveness. A verbal apology will be nice, sure. Especially since dumb-ass, gay-ass, 'Kacchan-sugoi' ass Izuku Doesn't even See it as Atonement. He is just #Blessed that Kacchan and he can talk almost-naturally again. And that is also Katsuki's intention- because the moment Izuku knows, he won't be able to atone this way anymore.

So, as much as I HATE to say this, the chances of a voluntary verbal apology are slim. If allowed to go on like this, Kacchan with continue to shadow Izuku through his life, worrying about him, LOSING SLEEP OVER HIM :

LOOK AT THOSE BAGS UNDER HIS EYES. /*shoves panels in yo face*/LOOK

Can you believe this bitch-ass gremlin who goes to sleep at 8:30 got bags just from stressing over his Deku??????

LOOK AT HIM DOING A HECCIN' MAJOR KOKORO-STOPPING CONCERN.

(He is flipping his shit because he worries, and he worries so much, and has worried for him for a long LONG time.)

- Katsuki will continue on this path of being Izuku's support.

Forever if it takes.

Forever, he hopes, it takes-

Because the only way he will stop is in death, either his own or Deku's.

This is his Atonement: To undo everything he once did, to support Izuku's dream instead of squashing it; To help him get stronger instead of perpetuating the narrative on his weakness; To protect him from all harm, when he once hurt; To be on his side when the whole world is against him, because once he was all, but, for him; To save Izuku as he wins, to win as he saves.

And, To deny each oppurtunity of forgiveness even as he desperately longs to be unburdened of his guilt.

Because Katsuki knows:

He knows Izuku is that one of a million, he is kind and humble and considerate and loving to a fault.

Katsuki knows that Izuku will forgive him in a heartbeat. That is just the kind of selfless, beautiful person he is.

Unlike Endeavour, who had no guarantee to forgiveness, Katsuki does. And that is what makes Katsuki's Atonement more powerful than Endeavour's. He recognizes it is in his grasp, just an arm's length away...

....Just an arm's length.

And Katsuki will deny himself that. Because he does not believe he deserves it. He hasn't atoned enough for it.

"Keep At Arm's Length"

He says. Because this is the critical distance between them. Not "Stay an arm's length away", because Katsuki doesn't wanna run away from Deku, and he doesn't want to be too far away to protect him, nor does he want to get too close to finally recieve the forgiveness that will give him salvation.

This is the fine balancing act Katsuki must maintain indefintely till he believes he has acheived his idea of atonement. (And when has he ever been happy just the bare minimum?)

I know I said Katsuki will never ask for forgiveness, and a voluntary verbal apology is very unlikely, because in it's very nature, it is inviting a forgiveness from Izuku, which we have established, Katsuki wants to avoid. And if this were any other manga, we would have been doomed to this conclusion. But, there is a scenario when Katsuki might issue a verbal apology and that is when Katsuki knows there isn't enough time to be forgiven in turn, or, hasn't atoned enough and can no longer continue to.

Like when Katsuki launches off, to deliver a final kamikaze blow to a villain, and he has only enough time to tell Deku a short "I am sorry", but not enough time to wait for a reply. Or when Deku is dying and at his final moments, when Katsuki knows however much he has atoned isn't enough and isn't how Deku should leave, without closure.

Whatever the future may hold, my dear readers, Katsuki still has a long, long way to go. And I hope to see him live through everything, to be there -

To survive these wars with Deku, To fight alongside him, To protect him. To win. To save.

To Live.

To hear Deku say "I had forgiven you a long time ago";

and ofcourse,

To forgive himself.

[ambiguousdisorderken]

in your expert opinion what are some of the most destiel-heavy episodes of spn? i stopped watching around season 7 and have no interest in engaging w the plot of the show at all but i’m in the mood for some gay yearning ykwim

Hi anon! Thank you for reaching out to me about this, I’m, no-joke, very flattered. I’d seen a couple posts on this same question, very thorough and detailed lists on Destiel-centric episodes, but at the moment I cannot find any of them, that would’ve answered your request much faster. So, in advance, sorry, my reply is probably coming in extremely late, but I did write this from scratch, so yeah.

Even though storylines in SPN can be very shitty and hollow, I do feel that to get the full Destiel experience -that long-drawn yearning- one would have to watch the entirety of the show, even if Cas isn’t in the episode or if there’s no explicit mention of their relationship/bond because it gives you a better understanding of them as characters and of how their relationship affects the narrative.

Now, you mentioned you stopped around S7, which is completely understandable and justified given the Dick plot game was very weak and, in my opinion, annoying (so little Cas!). I’m going to start listing from S7 in case you want to refresh your SPN before jumping straight into unseen episodes. Also, since you mentioned no interest in the plot and are specifically craving those sweet crumbs of gay yearning, I’ll skip most one-sided / too subtle episodes and cut to the chase.

Lastly, I hate spoiling things, but you’ve probably seen it all on Tumblr. I tried to keep the episodes’ descriptions short, as it might come in useful. Stuck to key words, quotes and/or little comments.

 Season 7

7x01 – Meet the New Boss: Godstiel, sincere apology. Cas: “I'm gonna find some way to redeem myself to you.”

7x02 – Hello, Cruel World: Mourning. Trench coat melancholy. The heart-wrenching eulogy: “Dumb son of a bitch.”

7x17 – The Born-Again Identity: Emmanuel!Cas, reunion, longing, hurt.

7x21 – Reading is Fundamental: Honey!Cas, hug, hurt, reunion, that painful SORRY (board game) scene.

7x23 – Survival of the Fittest: Honey!Cas, forgiveness, adorable, wified Cas. Dean hits us with: “Nobody cares that you're broken, Cas!" but also “I'd rather have you, cursed or not.”

Season 8 (this season is so good and Destiel is the driving motor of it, I swear. If you can, watch it complete.)

8x01 – We Need to Talk About Kevin: Dean in Purgatory looking for the angel.  Cas is referred to as “your [Dean’s] angel.”

8x02 – What’s Up, Tiger Mommy?: HUG!!!, Purgatory reunion, face touch, very romantic. Monster: “ You'll find your angel there.” //  Dean: “Let me bottom-line it for you. I'm not leaving here without you.”

8x05 – Blood Brother: Cas vs. Benny cat fight lol. Dean: “Cas... we're gonna shove your ass back through the eye of that needle if it kills all three of us.”

8x07 – A Little Slice of Kevin: Cas comes back from Purgatory, but before that Dean starts seeing him in places. Very tragic; hallucinating your dead significant other trope. Has That boner scene. Dean: “I did everything I could to get you out! EVERYTHING!” Cas helps Dean see what truly happened in Purgatory and not his self-altered memories. PACKED!

8x08 – Hunteri Heroici: Hilarious, romantic, intimate. Dean and Cas have an heart to heart. They actually communicate. Cas “I’ll watch over you.”

8x10 Torn and Frayed: They work a case together, and when I say heart eyes…

8x17 – Goodbye Stranger: THIS. EPISODE. Dean “I need you.”

8x19 – Taxi Driver: Separation. Naomi to Dean: "You're hoping Castiel will return to you. I admire your loyalty; I only wish he felt the same way."

8x22 – Clip Show: Lack of trust, hurt, tense interactions. Romantic too (basically, Cas gets Dean an apology basket).

8x23 – Sacrifice: Meaningful conversation and a gay couple hit by Cupid parallel. Dean “So this is it? E.T goes home?"

 Season 9

9x01 – I think I’m Gonna Like it Here: Dean prays to Cas IN.A.CHAPEL. Worry, longing, separation. Dean “Please, man, I need you here.”

9x03 – I’m No Angel: Human!Cas and jealous!Dean.

9x06 – Heaven Can’t Wait: Human!Cas TEXT-BOOK LONGING. GAY AS FUCK. Gazing, touching, they even TALK (for real).

9x09 – Holy Terror: Adorable Cas, flirty vibes, happyish, funny. Cas: “Cas is back in town!”

9x10 – Road Trip: Cas comforts Dean, Cas and Crowley bitching at each other, overall protective!Cas.

9x18 – Metafiction. Cas finds out about the Mark of Cain.

9x21 – King of the Damned: Hug, strong boyfriends vibes.

9x22 – Stairway to Heaven: Cas gives up an entire army, for Dean. Metatron about Cas “He's in love………………………. with humanity.”

9x23  – Do You Believe in Miracles?: At this point, it’s canon stated that Cas will do anything and lose everything if that means saving Dean. Metatron to Cas “You draped yourself in the flag of heaven, but ultimately, it was all about saving one human, right?”

 Season 10

10x01 – Black: Demon!Dean and sick/brokenhearted Cas in a slutty robe missing his man.

10x03 – Soul Survivor: ICONIC. Angel on Demon action! Cas turns down Hannah because he’s too gay and in love. Intimate Deancas talk.

10x05 – Fan Fiction: No Cas, but Destiel references. 

10x09 – The Things We Left Behind: That.Lunch.Date. Deancas introduction to co-parenting.

10x14 – The Executioner’s Song: We get Daddy Murder aka Cain. This is a Pivotal episode to understand Dean’s character development. Plus, it has Deancas interactions.

10x16 – Paint It Black: No Cas, but Dean opens up in confessionary; repressed BISEXUAL AS FUCK.

10x18 – Book of the Damned: Charlie meets Cas. Gay energies everywhere. Cute domestic little scene.

10x20 – Angel Heart: PARENTING! Essential to understand Cas from this point forward.

10x22 – The Prisoner: Just… just watch it. One of THEE Destiel episodes.

10x23 – Brother’s Keeper: No Deancas interactions but it’s the finale, and I recommend watching it because next season takes off literally right from here. No time jumps.

 Season 11

11x02 – Form and Void: Could skip to the very end which is when Cas comes back.

11x03 – The Bad Seed: Cursed!Cas. Dean takes care of him, even wraps him in a blanket. He also cradles his face. Extreme Hurt/Comfort. Jacting joices rejoice.

11x10 – The Devil in the Details: Could skip but has Casifer in it. Interesting to see his dynamic with Dean.

11x18 – Hell’s Angel: Casifer. Dean "It? It's not an it, Sam, it's Cas!"

11x23 – Alpha and Omega: Huggg! Cas willing to go on a guaranteed suicide mission with Dean. Very tender and sad.

 Season 12

12x02 – Keep Calm and Carry On: ANOTHER HUG! Dean presents his boyfriend to his mom<3 Soft and romantic.

12x09 – First Blood: Reunion hug<3, Cas pining… as in he counts his every minute without Dean.

12x10 – Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets: Direct parallel with canon couple. Crystal-clear mutual affection. One of the best. Angel Ishim to Cas about Dean “I'm gonna help you. I'm gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own… by cutting it out.”

12x12 – Stuck in the Middle with You: A dying Cas confesses his love. “I love you. I love all of you.”

12x19 – The Future: We find out Dean gave Cas a MIXTAPE!!! Very romantic and full of yearning, also worry and what could be seen as a betrayal (ish…).

12x23 – All Along the Watch Tower: Hands down, one of the most distressing Destiel episodes. Cas dies.

 Season 13

13x01 – Lost and Found: This is the worst because you have Dean trying to assimilate Cas’ death. Core of Dean’s widow’s arc. Jack introduction, that’s their new kid.

13x02 – The Rising Son: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?).

13x03 – Patience: Widow’s arc (you could skip it, but why would you?). Dean to Sam “He manipulated him, he made him promises, said, ‘paradise on earth’ and Cas bought it and you know what that got him? It got him dead! Now you might be able to forget about that, but I can’t!”

13x04 – The Big Empty: Continuation of widow’s arc and Cas wakes up in the Empty. The Empty to Cas: "I know who you love. There's nothing for you back there." // Dean to Sam “I need you to keep the faith, for both of us. ‘Cause right now, I… Right now, I don’t believe in a damn thing.”

13x05 – Advanced Thanatology: Suicidal and hopeless Dean gets his win. Cas comes back. Gives me the chills.

13x06 – Tombstone: COWBOY BOYFRIENDS!

13x14 – Good Intentions: Happy and fun Destiel scene. So Very Married.

13x23 – Let The Good Times Roll: Season finale, Dean talks about retiring (plans include Cas of course) and just very nice to see them interact.

Season 14

14x03 – The Scar: Reunion.

14x08 – Byzantium: Deanand Cas dealing with their child’s death, then bringing him back by Cas making a deal with the Empty. IMPORTANT EPISODE.

14x09 – The Spear: Cas uses the royal We – married behavior.

14x10 – Nihilism: Dean is stuck in his own mind, and Cas and Sam try to bring him back. Cas “Please, you have to -- you have to try to remember, because the people in your life -- in your real life, out there -- we need you to come back.”

14x12 – Prophet and Loss: Dean gets his very own Dr. Sexy, aka Dr. Cas.

14x14 – Ouroboros: Basically another date (their kid tags along) and They TALK. Very intimate and established marriage vibes.

14x18 – Absence: Shits starts to go south. [ Dean: “Who cares what Jack said? We don't know what happened! But I swear, if he did something to her, if she is -- (points to Castiel) Then you're dead to me. (Castiel looks crushed after Dean says that).]

14x20 – Moriah: Tense and very upsetting. Relationship very damaged.

 Season 15 (I would advise watching the entire season because it relies heavily on Destiel. They’re the heart and the emotional motor leading the plot onwards.)

15x01 – Back and To The Future: Deancas’ in the aftermath of their kid’s death. Tension gets worse.

15x02 – Raising Hell: Tension rises, this is very intense. Cas “Dean. You asked, "What about all of this is real?" We are.”

15x03 – The Rupture: Breaking point ends in divorce.

15x06 – Golden Time: Painful phone call which speaks volumes about the current state of their relationship at the time. Also, good to see where they’re standing and how they’re coping.

15x08 – Our Father Who Aren’t in Heaven: Strained relationship so obvious they’re offered couples’ therapy.

15x09 – The Trap: MASTERPIECE. Back to Purgatory. Can (and is) taken as Dean’s love confession (because it is). 

15x12 – Galaxy Brain: So married. Little domestic date, you can see LOVE written in their faces.

15x13 – Destiny’s Child: AU!Dean and Sam. Not a yearning episode per se, but AU!Dean? SO GAY.

15x17 – Unity: God reveals that the only act of free will in any universe he ever created has been Cas choosing Dean.

15x18 – Despair: Cas confesses his love to Dean.

[potatotrash0]

u have mentioned this trope a handful of times and i too am a whore for the vampire nagito trope so <3 headcanons (long ask)

he like. refuses to drink anything red other than what he's required to - try to give the man pomegranate juice, hibiscus tea, or a cranberry cider and you're either getting punched or he's rambling to you for half an hour out of nervousness because he's afraid someone's gonna make a comment about it and he's paranoid

if he's still, y'know, edward cullen-ing while he's at hope's peak, he would 100% run out of the classroom at LIGHTNING goddamn speed, secret be damned, to escape his classmates - either because they saw him doing gay shit (*cough*) and he's afraid of their questions or he doEsNt wAnT tO bOthEr thEm wiTh hIS pReSeNcE, in true nagito fashion

the classic literature unit hits his literature class and he doesn't show up to that class for a week when they're discussing dracula. he literally cowers in his room that period for the entirety of the week and refuses to answer questions about it

he is so paranoid it makes it obvious, or there's a running joke. like hajime starts hanging out with chiaki and is asking like ‘hey what's that weird kid from your class's deal’ and she's just like ‘idk we think he's a vampire lol’ and ko's head SHOOTS up from across the yard and makes it Ten Times More Plausible to hajime's mind and its hilarious

when he has to go outside he gets one of those big sunhats and sunglasses and looks, in no way, casual, despite it being sort of normal to carry around an umbrella to hide from the sun

he still tries to eat garlic. you hand him like some garlic fries and he's eating the fuck out of them. like fifteen minutes later he's burning up, has a fever, and can barely speak because his throat hurts and he just excuses himself to the bathroom and dies for a solid 30 minutes, but you will be damned if he gives up garlic bread

hajime has to tell him to stop wearing cross earrings. like he'll see him reaching for his on his nightstand (because, let's be honest, if they dated ko WOULD steal his jewelry) and he's like ‘???? are you stupid or dumb’ and nagito is just getting frustrated with his bright red fingertips and hajime has to WRESTLE them from his hand because he is Not giving up without a fight

(when he asks, nagito says gay shit is more important than vampire shit. this gives hajime an impromptu headache.)

he comes up with increasingly ridiculous stories to explain the scar, saying he was attacked by a dog, and then a bear, and one time saying he was attacked by a serial killer with a biting fetish (the most believable of the stories, truthfully) and then, one time, to hajime's utter pain, says, ‘its the fluorescents’ (a direct quote from a twilight movie)

he can still eat, but doesn't need to to survive, so he decides to just eat chocolate cupcakes for a week, except in front of everyone - so all they see is him eating chocolate pastries for breakfast every morning and Nothing Else and its just bizarre enough for them to worry vaguely

chiaki was not explicitly told, but assumed, even possibly as a joke, so one day, when hanging out with ko, asks him if he's ever been to transylvania. he chokes on his coffee and it comes out of his nose, and he actually has to get chiaki off the floor manually due to the laughing fit

hajime, jokingly, asks if they'll have to get married in a church graveyard instead of a church, and nagito not only almost dies at the prospect, but sputters long enough for hajime to ask, ‘or are you just gonna take my soul instead of marrying me?’, which causes another near-heart attack, impressive for someone who doesn't have a BEATING heart

on Halloween, no matter how obvious his costume, he always gets asked if he's dressing up as a vampire. he cannot escape it. hajime thinks its hilarious

hajime asks miu to make him a polaroid camera that doesn't use silver in the film, because he wants a classic polaroid wall of nagito but he won't show up on regular polaroid film, and she agrees - she does think its weird as hell, but she agrees nonetheless, and hajime can be seen regularly snapping pictures when nagito isn't looking and hiding them in his pocket <3

yes. most of these were unhinged. i am a sucker for this little queer man being undead as the next bitch, but also i think it makes for SO many funny opportunities that i could not help myself

thE FUCKING GARLIC BAHAHAHA. Oh my god. Fuck. That’s so valid actually, garlic bread is tasty as shit. Garlic in general is great. I feel bad for his throat but. I mean. Same hat probably ksnxksnkxnx

I love these so much though? I see we agree on the vampire jokes and him sweating over them kdjfksbd. God I think someone else sent in vampire Nagito hcs as well, I’ll see if I can find them

[jjmorelikeotp]

What thing? What type?

Seongjoong college au?? Ft. Wooyoung; ONESHOT 😚 no warnings, humor ig

Yeah idk where that came from, I'm in my seongjoong feelz, mingi is back, I love woo, anyways besties enjoyyyyy ✌ also just in case anyone is still waiting for the promised minsung au! It is in the making!

"I cannot believe they've put all of that into one exam!", Wooyoung cries out, knuckles turning white around the strings of his backpack."Like, what am I - a robot?!"

"Maybe if you started studying earlier, you wouldn't have that much stress now."

"Nobody ever does that!"

They're on their way from the student dorms to Hongjoong's apartment - not for the first time, but this time, Seonghwa's car is standing in the parking lot.

"Oooh", Wooyoung makes. Your hot roomie finally home for once?"

"God, I wish I never told you that."

"But you diiiid", the younger cheers, wrapping his arm around Hongjoong's neck only to pull him down with his full body weight, making him groan.

With work, university and producing his tracks, the dorms weren't an option for Hongjoong anymore. Too loud, too smelly, too...first semester vibey. So, he saved up, worked through vacations and even during normal periods - and voila. His own, tiny, little room, a living room, a CLEAN bathroom he doesn't have to share with 727272 people, simply put : heaven. Sure, he might be a little tighter on budget now, but at least he was able to remain his sanity, and that's a win.

The apartment is not that cheap; sharing it makes it easier. And with Seonghwa, a business major in his 3rd year, it was a good catch.

He's nice, friendly, tidy - too tidy if you ask Hongjoong, especially when he is bitching about the coffee mugs in the sink, like, who the hell cares - but he is also very, very pretty, and caring, and that, ladies and gentlemen, isn't a good thing, at least not to his heart because he is - well, in some cases of being near him, and especially when Seonghwa smells good, becomes - the definition of a useless gay.

That's how bad it actually is, but luckily, only Yunho knows that.

For the rest of his friends, the older is just known as "hot".

Which is also very, very true.

"Hey!", Hongjoong shouts, tossing his keys onto the shelf next to the door.

Seonghwa is busy watering the plants. "Ah, hey! How was your scenery project?"

"Good, good!"

"What, this is it?", Wooyoung hisses, taking off his jacket. He pinches the older's waist. "If I called your storyboarding a scenery project you would have behaded me."

"Well you are a brat", Hongjoong whispers back, to which the younger only rolls his eyes, only to add a louder "brought someone with me today. Seonghwa, this is Wooyoung."

"HEEEYYYY", Wooyoung gives him a wave and earns a chuckle. "Nice to finally meet you, you know, Hongjoong always talks about his infamous roommate."

I'm going to kill that kid.

"Ah, really?" Seonghwa shoots him a glance, and he can't read an expression from it before it's already gone. "He talks about his friends too." Hee points at Woo with the water in his hands. "I'm guessing you are the loud one?"

"He is", Hongjoong quickly states before the younger has enough time to answer. "And you're just here to pick some notes up, c'mon. I got things to do."

With that, he pulls him into his room.

"What, you're not even inviting me for dinner?", Wooyoung says fifteen minutes later as he is getting dragged out by his friend.

"Exactly. You're a vaccuum when it comes to food, and I'm broke."

"You're mean, that's what you are-"

"Yeah, yeah, you're gonna survive it."

He somehow managed to get the boy into door-and-floor-space; he knows how long it can take to get him actually past the frame.

"Now go home and study. And use the notes!"

"You know I would be better off if you helped me study!"

"I got my own stuff to do."

"We could study together."

"I will clean my desk now. Go ask San!"

He sighs at the whine the younger lets out.

"Yah, hyung, you're really no fun. You don't even care about me or my grades."

"I literally just gave you all my notes."

"Yeah, but you got a monster brain and I don't understand them-"

A soft giggle makes them both turn around.

Seonghwa is done with the plants - he now seems to be cleaning the dining table, and for that, he's taken off his hoodie.

The tshirt he's wearing is white, a perfect match to his skin. His tan, muscular arms flex lightly at his movements.

"Huh." Wooyoung stares for a moment, tilting his head.

"Hongjoong hyung?"

"Hm?"

"You know the thing...you told me earlier?"

"The thing? I-what thing?"

"That thing."

"Oh. Yeah. Let me guess. You get my point now?"

"Definetely. Yeah."

Hongjoong leans onto Wooyoung's shoulder with one arm.

Four eyes are on Seongwha, who is painfully oblivious, probably not even listening. He's holding a can in his hands.

"Juice, anyone?"

"He's kinda like a mum. You're kinda like a mum, Seonghwa."

"I-what?"

"That's his way of giving somebody nicknames, I think. Either that or he's got both mommy and daddy issues. He told me I sound like a dad-"

He coughs away the pain as the younger smacks his stomach; for a moment, Seonghwa's eyes are on him.

"You know, hyung, I agree with you", Wooyoung says right before he's out the door, getting his revenge. "Your roommate is hot, you were right about that."

Snitch.

Hongjoong, however, did not expect anything less. He deals with it the way he always deals with pretty boys : joking about it until it hurts because he doesn't stand a chance anyway, vibing in the frequency of an awkward wave.

Hakuna matata.

"I know I am - I'm always right!", he shouts after the younger friend although the door is already closed.

Just be shameless, nobody knows you're dying of embarassment until you show it.

And maybe he is a little competitive as well. Maybe.

He doesn't even look at the older; he plays it off with a soft chuckle, focusing his attention back on his desk that, he must admit, looks like a battle field of supplies. Brushes, pencils, notes, papers, folders - a cup of coffee here, a computer mouse there. Sweet sweet college life.

It's quiet around him, nothing unusual, Seonghwa is a calm person after all. If he's honest, Hongjoong is glad to have found a roommate like him. (If only he wasn't so handsome that it's hard, like, really hard, to focus. He can't complain though.)

The weird knot in his chest forces him to go against his anxiety and look up. He meets Seonghwa's eyes immediately.

Again.

"What?", he asks, breathing out a laugh that - he hopes sincerely - doesn't sound nervous.

"He just gave you a compliment, that's Wooyoung for you."

"Mhm", Seonghwa makes.

"Aw, are you getting shy? Don't you know how to handle a compliment?"

A light hint of pink appears on the older's cheeks, which is weird because at the same time, he's furrowing his brows. Hongjoong wishes he didn't enjoy teasing him so much.

(Spoiler alert: not really.)

"What? No-"

He grins.

Cute.

He might be smiling through the pain when it comes to the next comment, but hey - Nobody has to know. (How would they know?)

"Is it because he's pretty? Is he your type?"

That's how you do it. Just drop hints and make him date another dude, to cope with the fact that you might develope an unhealthy crush on your roommate and don't stand a chance.

Hah!

But who would do such a thing, not Hongjoong.

Obviously.

"He's a really great guy", he cheerfully adds, focusing on his organization again. "A little loud, but maybe that's a match. I could totally set you guys up."

He doesn't even know what paper he has in his hands.

"Well, yeah", a deep voice suddenly murmurs in his ear and he nearly jumps.

Seonghwa is standing right in front of him.

"You could do that...but", he inhales softly, grabbing a pastel pink pen from the tornado of chaos Hongjoong calls his work place. It's got a little plastic strawberry on its tip.

"He's not really my type."

And then, almost like a whisper, and a lot closer to his ear, he just says: "You are."

And then he leaves, letting Hongjoong alone in the living room, with the words "I think that's my pen, thanks", and Hongjoong just stares at the wall.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #457

“blue are the words i say and what i think  /  blue are the feelings that live inside of me”

Do you buy your lingerie at Victoria’s Secret? No. That shit is so overpriced and not for my size group. Would you ever use an online dating service? I never would again. Are you good at multitasking? ABSOLUTELY NOT. Have you ever eaten Frosted Mini Wheats? Ugh, those are so gross. What does your bikini look like? You think THIS bitch wears a bikini??????????????????????? Does age really matter in a relationship? To an extent, yes. How much does the last person you kissed mean to you? I honestly don't even know if I'd be here without her. Almost like magic, Sara popped back into my life right after I returned home from the hospital following my suicide attempt. She helped make recovery possible as a solid source of support. Do you use lotion? Not NEARLY enough. My skin is so dry; I need to. Do you believe in teenage love? I experienced it deeply and thoroughly, so yes. Have you ever sat on the roof of your house? No. Do you like Sublime? I like that one popular one of theirs. "Santaria" or whatever it's called? What’s your favorite movie genre? Paranormal horror, especially the "found footage" type. It's creepy to imagine it being actually real. Is there a celebrity that you’d be willing to have a one night stand with? If he was single? I know in my gut I would lmaooooo Do you want to live in your current town the rest of your life? OH MY GOD PLEASE NO If you found out today your best friend was gay what would you do? She's demisexual, so. She can like anybody. If you could get a pet for free today-what kind/what name? A tegu, because it wouldn't need an enclosure that I don't have. I'd let it free roam. God, I can only imagine Roman's reaction. How many people have you slept with? If you mean what I think you do by "slept," one. Do you ever wish you had a family business to become a part of? Not really. What’s the most gruesome way you could come up with to kill someone? Hunny, have you seen my dark RP????? The world best be glad I'm a pacifist lmfao Do you think anyone deserves to die that way? I don't believe in torture, so no. If you had to fight for survival, what would your weapon of choice be? A gun, I guess? I'd want something with range and that's quick. I wanted to say a bow and arrow, but preparing another arrow after shooting once could really cost you your life. Where did you buy your favorite pair of jeans? I don't wear jeans anymore. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog, period. If not, are you afraid of them? No, I love big 'ole puppos!!!!! I just don't wanna own a dog myself. Are you good at playing darts? Holy fuck no, I have NO hand-eye coordination. I once stabbed the guy at a balloon popping booth thing with a dart in the arm, if that tells you anything, ooooooooooof. Do you like breaded chicken sandwiches? YESSSSSSSSS omg Do your parents know that/if you smoke? They know that I don’t. Have you ever been under a blacklight? Omg so in elementary school, we did this thing once where we all washed our hands as best we could and then put them under some sort of light (maybe a blacklight, idk???) to see JUST how resilient germs are. You gotta scrub the fuck out ya hands, people. How many pounds do you want to lose? I'd rather not share a number, but a lot. What’s your favorite natural phenomenon? The Northern Lights. Do you snore? Very surprisingly for someone with sleep apnea like mine, I actually don't. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? Off the very top of my head, one, but it's spelled differently. I KNOW I know of a shitload more Brittanys, though. Is it possible you could be pregnant? Well, I haven't been intimate with a man in years and just finished my period, so like- Could you go a day without texting? I go most days without texting. Do you have a step-parent? My dad is remarried, so yes. If so, do you get along with them? She's EXTREMELY Christian, so her beliefs wildly disagree with mine, but I keep my mouth shut a lot just to keep the peace. She IS a very sweet woman, nevertheless, and am glad she and my dad are so happy together. Does your current/last job require that you wear a uniform? My last job (which lasted not even two hours lol) did. When will your driver’s license expire? My permit has been expired for like... two years. Do you live in an apartment? No. If the last person you kissed proposed to you what would you say? That's too wild a concept to even imagine. I'd probably ask if she was okay lmao. Would you ever get back with one of your exes? Weeeelp, I want to get back together with Girt. Pretty badly. Write a foreign word, and what it means: "Schadenfreude" is a German term that essentially means secondhand embarrassment, but it doesn't have a perfect translation. Is there an ex you think about everyday? Inevitably. That's PTSD, my friends. Who is the last person that you said I love you to, besides family members? Sara. What's the worst thing you have ever said to anyone? Something along the lines of "no one could ever love you like I do." It boils my blood just typing that; I considered even deleting this question. That quote right there is fucking manipulation, even IF I thoroughly believed it. Who was the last person to comment one of your pictures? I don't feel like looking. Do you tend to go for older or younger when looking for someone to date? It's weird, I'm into slightly older-than-me guys, but probably girls who are barely a bit younger than me. Have you ever been used? I don't think so. Have you ever not been able to get someone out of your head? Like I've said in plenty of surveys: Jason is probably a permanent fixture. But also as of the past two days, Girt's been living up there. I went from "hmmm I just don't know how I feel" to "FUCK I want to talk to him about how stupidly into him I am right this fucking INSTANT" pretty goddamn fast. It kinda scares me just because of how extreme my feelings are. Again. That's only ever gotten me hurt. Buuuut let's not get into that. Have you ever got caught cheating on a test? No, because I've never tried to. Will your next kiss be a mistake? I hope it won't be. But it's not like I know the future. Have you ever worn an oxygen mask? Actually yes, when I was young and thought I was having an asthma attack or something. Mom had one for her own asthma. Then I obviously wore one for surgery. What song do you want to be played at your funeral? "Paradise" by Coldplay is absolutely #1. How many swear words are in the song you’re listening to? I'm not listening to music; I'm back to watching Gab play Sekiro. What color was the last swimsuit you wore? Black. Have you ever kissed anyone of the same sex, and if so, who? Yeah, just Sara. Who did you last tell to ‘shut up’? Ha, I think my WoW friend Lyndsey, but only playfully, of course. We pick fun at each other all the time. Would you ever get a tattoo of a boyfriend/girlfriend's name? NOOOOOOOOO. Are you one of those girls who already have baby names picked out? I know what I'd name my kids IF I actually wanted any, yeah, but I don't. Do you think guys with long hair are attractive? Yessss, I love long hair on guys. Are any of your siblings taller than you? I think Ashley is a liiiiil bit taller? I know my brother is, for sure. Have you ever scared someone so badly that they cried? Yikes, no. When was the last time you wore high heels? Boy oh boy, no idea. Is there someone that you want to hurt right now? Jeez, no thanks. What was the most interesting or colorful birthday cake you’ve had? I don't remember, but I'm sure something from childhood. What was the last thing someone bought you? Was it expensive? Mom bought me food from McD's, which obviously isn't expensive. Do you have any interesting moles anywhere you don’t want people to know of? No. Have you ever gotten high or drunk in a really formal place? Strong "no" there. Do you ever write poetry and post it on any certain websites? On the very rare occasion I write poetry and actually like it, I'll sometimes post it on dA. What do you miss most about your childhood? Actually, genuinely having fun and not dealing with fucking anhedonia. Would you like to know the precise date of your future death? Hell no. Do you photograph well? I'd like to hope so. Are there any animals you flat out refuse to touch? Maggots and similar bug larvae. What super power would you refuse, if it was offered to you, and why? Mind reading. It just sounds... awful and overwhelming. What’s your favorite discontinued product that you wish would come back? Oh, I KNOW I have answers to this, just none are coming to me immediately and I don't feel like sitting here for five minutes thinking about it. If adults had show and tell, what would you bring into work? My snek! :') If you had a reset button for the last 10 years, would you press it? Tempting, but... I don't think I would. I cannot go through how deep my depression was again. Who is someone you would never swear in front of? My nieces and nephew. Yes, I don't believe in profanity being a "thing" and is just a stupid human fabrication, but nevertheless I acknowledge societal standards and expectations, and they're way too young to get when you shouldn't say something like that and why. Have you ever won a contest or competition? A few. Who is your favorite TV character? I don't think I really have one? Do you coo over other people’s babies? Not really, no. Sometimes I'll think they're super cute and be like "awww," but I don't like... squeal and spaz like some people do. What is something that makes you very squeamish? VOMIT. Has there been a celebrity death that really affected you? Steve Irwin got me deeper than anyone else. Chester Bennington hit real hard, too. If you’re out of high school, have you stayed in touch with your high school friends? If you’re still in school, do you think you will? Most of my closest ones, yes, at least via Facebook. What’s a movie that you want to see? Old movie, but Jacob's Ladder. It was a massive influence on Silent Hill, so naturally, I'll probably love it. It's a classic, anyway. Do you use the same username everywhere online or do you have a lot? I use "Ozzkat" in most places, but I do have some other ones for different sites. Who was the last person you know who became pregnant? My friend Ana recently revealed she's expecting her second child, a boy. What fad were you actually into? I have zero clue. Have you ever tailgated? Would you want to? Fuck no. That's how so many wrecks happen. My sister legit got in a wreck with an 18-wheeler mostly because she was tailgating (which she does BADLY); she was trying to pass, and he moved over at the same time because he couldn't see her coming around. It's a borderline miracle she got out with only some cuts, bruises, and a seatbelt burn. Have patience, people. Get off cars' asses. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Look, don't get me started on this. There are a shitload of reasons and I have been way too emotional over this the past few days laksdfja;lwke What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel w/ cream cheese for breakfast. Do you ever pick up your house phone? We don't have a landline phone. Truth be told, are you more into looks or personalities the most? Personalities, for sure. I cannot be into you if your personality isn't attractive.

[westanabadguy]

Ranking The Akatsuki's compatibility with each other

I'm going to be sharing my opinions on how compatible each Akatsuki member is with eachother. This is 100% going off their more canon personalities, and it’s not really what I personally ship if we’re being honest.

This is gonna be hella long, so strap in buckaroos.

I didn’t do Pein, Konan, Zetsu, or Obito, because I don’t really see them being available to most of the Akatsuki? Don’t date your bosses, folks. Well, I mean, I guess you shouldn’t date serial killers and criminals either but uh.

Kisame

Most compatible with: Itachi

Do I even need to explain this one? This is by far the easiest pick of em all. They worked together for years. You CANNOT look me in the eyes and tell me they didn’t bang a single time. They’re on the road all the time, fighting for their lives as missing nins, it’s a pretty lonely life. You think the fact they they were really the only ones they could trust + the fact that the battled together all the time + the fact that they probably didn’t get to interact with a whole lot of other people didn’t result in at least some attachment? Nah fam.

Least compatible with: Sasori

I struggled with this one, tbh. However, if I had to choose it’d probably be Sasori. I don’t know if Kisame would be too big on Sasori as a whole. He likes long, bloody battles. He likes getting in there and actually using his fists and swords. Very much a brawn guy. Sasori is the exact opposite. He’s cold, intelligent, and calculating. He’s impatient and probably one of the more insane of the Akatsuki. I don’t see them as having anything really in common.

Kinda Compatible with:

I think Kisame would be pretty compatible with the rest of the Akatsuki. Maybe not as life partners, but as fuck buddies? Definitely. He’s a pretty passive guy, doesn’t strike me as the type to really make a bunch of enemies of his colleagues.

Itachi

Most Compatible with: Kisame

Do I really gotta repeat myself?

Least Compatible with: The rest of the Akatsuki

No, for real. I mean, Itachi hates unnecessary cruelty. He’s a pacifist. I really don’t see him wanting to even touch the rest of the Akatsuki. If I had to pick the absolute least compatible it’d have to be Hidan, but again, I really don’t see him with any of the other Akatsuki. They go against his entire belief system. 

Hidan

Most compatible with: Deidara

Deidara is as loud and brash as Hidan is, and they’re relatively in the same age range. I feel like Hidan would appreciate the immense destruction of Deidara’s attacks. They also both left their villages because their beliefs didn’t line up with the village anymore, so I’m sure they could relate on that level as well. Deidara is pretty young and impressionable, so who knows, he could be a potential Jashinism candidate?

Least Compatible with: Kakuzu, Sasori, Itachi

Kakuzu goes against everything Hidan believes in. It’d be like mixing oil and water. Sasori barely puts up with Deidara’s shit, and he’s 1000x more impatient than Kakuzu is, you think he’d put up with the constant long sacrifices and blabbering? Itachi hates needless violence, as said above. Can’t see him just putting up with Hidan’s rampant sadism.

Kinda Compatible with: 

I feel like he’d be decently open to messing around with most of the rest of the Akatsuki. Nothing serious, tho. I’m sure he’d be very picky with who he seriously lets into his life. Jashin is supposed to be his ultimate, so he’d have to pick a lover he thought wouldn’t insult Jashin too much, and since there’s no other Jashinists in the Akatsuki... chances are very slim. Just doesn’t strike me as the guy to settle down for any period of time.

Kakuzu

Most compatible with: Sasori, Kisame

In all honesty, I really don’t see Kakuzu being interested in really anyone. He’s too old and tired for a relationship. If I had to pick, tho, it’d probably be either Kisame or Sasori. He has history with Sasori, they’re some of the oldest Akatsuki members, and they’re both weathered old men. At the very least, they could bitch about their younger partners all day lol. There might be some tension in the fact that immortality is so important to Sasori, while Kakuzu doesn’t believe it truly exists. But at the same time, I really think that Sasori likes having someone around to challenge his beliefs. I feel like Kakuzu respects strength, and both him and Kisame have been through a lot of similar shit if you think about it. The most important thing about these two: They can survive Kakuzu’s random bursts of anger. Both of them have enough life experience to give Kakuzu a run for his money, and that’s pretty important when you’re tangoing with someone like Kakuzu.

Least Compatible with: Pretty much everyone tbh

Again, I really don’t think Kakuzu would be particularly interested in anyone. He especially wouldn’t be interested in Deidara and Hidan. I figured he’d be slightly more tolerant of Deidara, solely because he’s slightly more respectful than Hidan, but still, don’t really see that happening. 

Sasori

Most compatible with: Kakuzu, Deidara

They’re both old and grumpy. And immortal. Probably wanna be immortal if you’re in a relationship with one. Especially one that will attempt to kill you occasionally. But for real, they’re both mature, and more importantly respectful and quiet. I don’t see them really grinding on eachother’s nerves very often. It’d be a very quiet, lowkey relationship. There’s something in the fact that Deidara isn’t dead yet that speaks volumes. I do really believe Sasori cares about Deidara to some degree, he’d be dead otherwise.

Least compatible with: Hidan, Itachi, Kisame

Not gonna put up with Hidan’s long ass rituals, Itachi won’t be chill with the whole human puppet thing imo, and he’s a bit too much for Kisame.

Deidara

Most compatible with: Hidan, Sasori

Deidara’s the last of the 6, so I’ve pretty much talked about him already but uh. Hidan and him have big disaster gay energy. Sasori and him have a long history, and the fact that he hasn’t been decimated speaks volumes.

Least compatible with: Kakuzu, Itachi

Kakuzu would kill him in like 2 seconds. He canonically despises Itachi, so I don’t think they’d get along to well lmao.

Kinda compatible with:

He’d be pretty chill with pretty much everyone imo. I don’t think he’d be particularly closed off to anyone? He’s a very live fast, die hard type of guy so.

[spircling]

[ ZOEY DEUTCH / POLYTROPOS / HEBE / MUSE 21 ] / [ ESTHER GOODWIN ] is a [ TWENTY-ONE ] year old [ ENVIRONMENTAL SCIENCE ] major. [ SHE ] is/are known for being [ CREATIVE & LOYAL ] but [ SCATTERBRAINED & IMPULSIVE ].  when i think of them, i imagine [ OVERSTUFFED SUITCASES, RAMBLING FOR LONGER THAN YOU REALIZED, & LOTS OF EARRINGS ]. and even though they’re a proud HU student now, we all have our roots. theirs run back to them being a [ MHP (AQUA) ] graduate. i asked around and it turns out they [ AREN’T ] an AOP student. in their interview, they managed to woo the admissions team by [ WOWING THEM WITH HER KNOWLEDGE OF GHOSTS AND HAUNTINGS ]. i guess that’s all there is to know! unless… 

uhhh hi hello, i am lena and i am stoked as fuck to be here ! i have ms. esther who is... one of my most precious and chaotic muses- i wrote this mostly at 3am so bear with me, below the cut are some things etc etc, plz love us xoxo 

tw: eating disorder mention 

basics: full name: esther emerald goodwin birthday: january 27 (aquarius) hometown: silver city, nm sexuality: pansexual, panromantic positive traits: kind-hearted, accepting, loyal, creative negative traits: impulsive, indecisive, scatterbrained, oversensitive hogwarts house: hufflepuff moral alignment: chaotic good 

background: - was born to two hippies in new mexico - her parents were constantly moving around, livin a nomadic lifestyle and bringing their kid with them (but her paternal grandparents own a home and always made sure that esther had a safe place to come back to if she needed it bc they are, thankfully, loaded) - her parents NEVER disciplined her and treated her more like a friend, so esther has rly never learned how to be a Real Adult - her parents pulled her out of schools ALL the time to travel and go to a new one bc they said that was a better education than actual school - she used to play the bongos on street corners while her mom played a guitar and her dad sang and that’s how she got an allowance, she’s never had an actual job (tgod her grandparents had money and supported her, they ADORE esther, she’s their only grandchild) - it was only when she got to mhp that she stayed for anywhere longer than a year, it was the first place she got to be long-term - her dad went to mhp and, so, her grandparents were like esther will too and she was like chill, cool, sounds fun  - tw eating disorder since sophomore year of hs, esther has struggled a lot w her body image; she was in a relationship with a rly shitty guy and she started feeling less and less confident and she fell into patterns of disordered eating; she started seeing a therapist, she’s doing a LOT better now, but still struggles sometimes - ANYWAY, heavy stuff over  - esther literally cannot believe that she got into this school and she has to try RLY hard to make good grades bc she’s not just ~naturally~ gifted with academics - she spends her days studying, ghosthunting, and telling everybody to SAVE THE BEES - she wants to use her environmental science degree to basically think of more ways to conserve bees’ habitat and to try and stop climate change, she loves the earth 

personality: - very optimistic, positive person- LOVES life - not the Most intelligent- well, bookwise at least, she knows a lot about the world, she’s survived so far SO - participates in activism, is a ‘save the bees’ type bitch and does a lot of environmental/climate activism- thus why her major is environmental science - literally has a tattoo of two bees on her wrist - a… meme of a human - pansexual (me? playing a straight chara?? not in THIS gay lifetime!!) - very sweet - kinda a Dumb Bitch - can be Quite annoying- very overbearing, wants to be friends w and talk to everyone - very flighty and all over the place, ALWAYS needs to be moving - also… kinda sensitive, not ashamed of crying - is a ghost hunter for fun and has a podcast where she talks about ghosts and whatever the fuck else she wants - snap decisions?? her Brand !! - is a Good Friend and is always willing to be there for the people she cares about - has trust issues and is bad at relationships bc she always snaps into flight mode and peaces tf out bc she is SCARED 

possible connections: - best friends- give the girl her PEOPLE, her pals she does stupid shit w and can rely on for anything and everything - exes- esther likes the idea of a relationship, but doesn’t know how to be in a stable one- also ex plots FUEL me so ???? plz?? - ghost hunting buddy- give her a podcast co-host thanks  - hookups/fwbs- esther is… not smooth, but she is a people person and likes sex SO - flirtatious friendship- esther is close enough w this person that she is NOT a totally awkward human, they just tease one another and flirt constantly  - skeptics- give her someone that doesn’t believe in ghosts- she will try to convince you otherwise At All Times  - enemies- esther doesn’t ???? hold grudges or hate anyone but ??? she can be Too Much for some people 

but, ya know, i’m down for anything!! so give me a like or come find me via ims, discord, or carrier pigeon! xoxo byeeeeee 

[hiiggsmonaghan]

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Are you fuckin’ kidding me--?

Alright, I’ll answer them ALL. 

1. Name: Higgs Monaghan Silver/Silvio

2. Nationality: Canadian/Acadian

3. Age: 22

4. Birthday: July 19th 

5. Zodiac sign (or your primal zodiac sign): Cancer

6. Gender: cis male

7. Sexuality: Gay

8. Your looks (add a picture or describe yourself):  This will have to wait until a special reveal. (Future cosplay things.)

9. What do you/did you study?: ... Does Egyptian history count?

10. What's your current job like?/What job would you like to have?: [Nervous laughter] I have no idea what I’d like to do for a job. 

-

11. Your birth order: First child

12. How many siblings do you have?: 1 “real” sibling, but so many siblings by bond.

13. Do you have good relations with your family?: Biological family? Absolutely not. Except for two of my cousins. They are cool.

14. How many friends do you have?: Too many that it’s obnoxious. [Just kidding, I appreciate you all.]

15. Your relationship status: Taken/Engaged

16. What do you look for in a SO?: Someone who can kick my ass. [Who can handle my anger outbursts]

17. Do you have a crush?: No. 

18. When did you have your first kiss?: When I was 14. It was forced and was a terrible experience. 

19. Do you prefer serious and meaningful relationships or casual dating/one night stands?: Meaningful ones, funny enough.

20. What are your deal breakers?: Overly clingy, too loud, not respectful of my music choices

-

21. How was your day?: Cold. Snowstorm happened today.

22. Favourite food & drink: Pizzas/cheeseburgers || Strawberry slushie with tapioca pearls/orange juice

23. What position do you sleep in?: Fetal position. [Hahahah... ha.]

24. What was your last dream about?: Cannot remember.

25. Your fears: The ocean [drowning], deep forests.. uhh... There are others but I cannot think of it at the moment

26. Your dreams: To be on my goddamn motorcycle, livin’ a good life without my mental illness in the way.

27. Your goals: See above.

28. Any pets?: Not yet! Planin’ to get a black cat soon!

29. What are your hobbies?: Music and readin’

30. Any cool places in your area?: Pfft, no. It’s so fuckin’ boring here.

31. What was your last awkward situation?: I was at Tim Horton’s and there was a baby cryin’ behind me so I looked over at it and played... peek-a-boo with them. It was...weird. But at least the baby shut up. The mother didn’t do shit to make the baby stop cryin’ so.. Great Parenting.

32. What is your last regret?: Well too many to really talk about but I’ll go with the funny route and my last regret was not goin’ to Burger King yesterday and eatin’ salad instead of a burger. 

33. Language/s you can speak: English

34. Do you believe in astrological stuff? (Zodiac, tarot, etc.): Not really. It’s all just whatever for me.

35. Have any quirks?: I bite my nails often... I pretend to conduct music while it is playing... uh...???

36. Your pet peeves: Everything.

37. Ideal vacation: Anywhere away from North America.

38. Any scars?: Many. 

39. What does your last text message say?: “Nah”

40. Last 5 things from your search history: Twitter, Vargskelethor’s twitch, Cloud Strife, YouTube, FF7 remake release date

41. What's your [device] background?: RK900 from Detroit Become Human

42. What do you daydream about?: Usually having super strength and throwing people whom bother me across the world or just... punchin’ them. 

43. Describe your dream home: A  simple house, really. Nothin’ too fancy. Just the idea of havin’ my own house? Even if it isn’t that big or anythin’... That is a dream for me. Oh, and I want it painted black. Hah.

44. What's your religion/Your thought about religion: I’d say I’m atheist but... I do believe in God. I AM God. :)

45. Your personality type:  ISTP-T

46. The most dangerous thing you've done: [Looks at the list of dangerous things I have done] ... There are too many

47. Are you happy with your current life?: At the moment? Yeah. There are things I am still angry about but it’s... fine.

48. Some things you've tried in your life: Smoking. Drawing. Singing. Writing. Playing the guitar. ???

-

49. What does your wardrobe consist of?: Black and reds. 

50. Favourite colour to wear?: Black.

51. How would you describe your style?: Goth/punk

52. Are you happy with your current looks?: Eh.. Not really but it’s all I got.

53. If you could change/add something to your appearance - impossible or not - what would it be?: Grow. Damn. Facial. Hair. Holy FUCK.

54. Any tattoos or piercings?: Snake bites. But I took one out so only one lip piercing now. And tattoos? Soon. Very soon. [Gonna be Higgs’ themed, baby.]

55. Do you get complimented often?: No and when I do I make it Stop. I hate it. Never compliment me. 

56. Favourite aesthetic?: Black/gold aesthetics as of late.

57. A popular trend that you dislike: Everything. I hate them all.

- [FINALLY THE ONES I WANTED, JESUS CHRIST]

58. Songs you're currently obsessed with?:  Allesfresser by LINDEMANN 

It’s a great song to listen to for me because I just punch my punching bag to this song. Makes my anger just... go away. It’s fuckin’ nice.

59. Song you normally wouldn't admit you like: .... Let’s Dance by David Bowie

I am a new fan of David Bowie. It just literally started in July or late June. I’m the typical metal head but for some reason Bowie just caught my ear? I dunno, man.

60. Favourite genre?: METAL. Well, Power Metal. I love all sorts of metal except for like.. most death metal/black metal. It is too much for me sometimes. But yeah, if yall are into metal... I’m all ears. I love talkin’ about metal.

61. Favourite artist/band/genre?: Well I already spoke about my favorite genre. For favorite bands? God... Uh.. I have a list here of favorite bands/musicians. Check it out if you’re interested. 

62. Hated popular songs/artists?: Honestly? I’m gonna be one of those guys and say pretty much everything on the radio these days. I don’t like pop/rap and all the most popular stuff. Turning the radio on is ear torture these days. Except for the rock channel, that one is okay most of the time.

63. Put your music on shuffle and list first 5:

1 - System of a Down’s Chop Suey in the Style of Ghost by Ten Second Songs

This guy is simply AMAZING. If yall haven’t already, you NEED to check out his channel. He is wicked talented and he has different styles for different songs. Like for example, Metallica’s Enter Sandman in the style of David Bowie. It’s amazing. 

Check him out. His YouTube is Ten Second Songs.

2 - City by Hollywood Undead

This one just gives me my inner Higgs’ vibes. That is really all I can say.

3 - Mein Teil by Rammstein

4 - Cars by Fear Factory

5 -  龍が如く極 - Turning Point [From Yakuza Kiwami]

Yeah, hi. Yakuza fan here. Do I have to say any more? 

64. Can you sing or play any instruments?: I can kind of sing, [very badly, mind you] and sort of play the guitar. I’m tryin’ to learn Come as You Are by Nirvana at the moment... but that’s about it

65. Do you like karaoke?: 

.... Yes. My inner Nishiki in me just cannot lie about this.

66. Own any albums?: Absolutely. I am a firm believer in albums rather than just buying them digitally. I love having an actual copy in my hands rather just on the computer. 

67. Do you listen to radio? What stations?: Not really. I only listen to the rock station.

-

68. Favourite movie/series?: Star Wars.

69. Favourite genre of movies/books/etc: Uhhh... I don’t know

70. Your fictional crush/es: Sam Fuckin’ Porter Bridges, General Hux, RK900...

71. Which fictional character is you?: [Chuckles nervously] 

Higgs Monaghan-- 

Too many to write down. I’ll just pass myself the trouble.

72. Are you a shipper? List your otps, if so: Eh not really. Only like.. Gavin/RK900 [Reed900] and General Hux/Kylo Ren [Kylux/Huxlo]

73. Favourite greek god?: Uhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh? I don’t know?

74. A legend from where you live that you like: None.

75. Do you like art? What's your favourite work or artist?: I’m gonna be cheesy and say all of my friends because it’s true. I love my friends art.

76. Can you share your other social media?: Yeah sure. My twitter is @hiiggsmonaghan

77. Favourite youtubers?: Markiplier, Jacksepticeye... Streamers: Vargskelethor and Vinesauce

78. Favourite platform?: Tumblr and Twitter

79. How much time do you spend on the internet?: .. Too long

80. What video games have you played? Which one's your favourite?: Ones I have PLAYED that are my favorite: Pokemon, Devil May Cry, Final Fantasy XV, Yakuza 0/Kiwami. 

I also have a lot a games I love that I just watched. Like a lot of Legend of Zelda games and of course Death Stranding!

81. Your favourite books (manga also counts): Anything really by William Blake. I guess that really isn’t a “book” but.. all I really read are poems, Shakespearean plays and Egyptian history books.

82. Do you play board/card games?: No

83. Have you ever been to a night marathon in cinema?: No

84. Favourite holiday: Halloween

85. Are you into dramas?: Not really.

-

86. Would you use death note, if you had one?: ABSOLUTELY. And I do have one. Well... a replica. Not the real one of course.

87. What changes would you make in the world, no matter how impossible, if you had the power to?: Get rid of the racists, rapists, pedos and homo/trans phobes. The world would just be more pleasant to live in, yeah?

88. Could you survive a zombie apocalypse?: Probably. Because I stay inside a lot anyway.

89. If you had to be turned into a paranormal being, what would it be?: A demon because I am that fuckin’ edgy.

90. What would you want to happen to you after your death?: VOID OUT, BITCH. Uh, I don’t know. 

91. If you had to change your name, what would be your pick?: I did change my name so I am happy with it. 

92. Who would you switch your life with for a week?: Uh.. No one. Can that be an option?

93. Pick an emoji to be your tattoo: The devil smiling one I guess?

94. Write 3 things about yourself - only one of them must be true

1. I am in a poly relationship while I am also engaged.

2. I have a knife collection

3.I still used an mp3 instead of using my phone for music

-

95. Cold or hot?: ... Cold because you can get warm with blankets and sweaters while if you are hot, it’s damn impossible to not be hot.

96. Be a hero or be a villain?: Hero in my eyes, but to all of you I’m the villain for some DAMN reason.

97. Sing everything you want to say or rhyme?: Sing I guess. Imagine singing in metal. Holy SHIT

98. Shapeshifting or controlling time?: CONTROLLING TIME.

99. Be immortal or be immune to everything aside from natural death?: Immune to everything. I’m sick of being sick.

====

And there you have it. I’m... fuckin’ DONE. This took literal HOURS, ANON. I hope yall read through this.

[how-to-survive-a-factory-tour]

How to Survive A Factory Tour - Chapter 10

A Sanders Sides / Charlie and the Chocolate Factory Fanfiction

PREVIOUS

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The best way I can think to describe this wonderful room is this: Wonka took Sugar Rush from Wreck it Ralph, that bit in Cloudy With a Chance of Meatballs when it’s snowing ice cream, Sweet Sweet Canyon from Mario Kart, and mixed them all together onto one island. And the result is magnificent.

We’re standing on a dock by the door, and on the other side of a fizzy yellow sea is an island where everything is made from desserts. There’s a mountain which is a large tiered cake, hills that are ice cream scoops, and - if my expert Disney park knowledge serves me correctly - a volcano in the centre that is the volcano dessert from the Rainforest Café.

“Did I die? Because I think I’m in heaven…” Patton mumbles, eyes wide and sparkling.

Wonka hops into a small rowing boat with just enough room for all six of us. The rest of us all join him, and he starts rowing us across the sea to the island.

“Just like before, you are free to roam about yourselves. However, can you head to the east beach after fifteen to twenty minutes? There’s something exciting I want to show you.”

Patton leans over the side of the boat, dipping his finger into the yellow sea. He pulls it out, trying a little. “It’s lemonade!”

“Right you are!” Wonka responds. “The fizziest, tastiest lemonade in the world.”

Almost to punctuate the ‘fizziest’ part, Patton lets out a small burp. “Oops, sorry…”

“It must be rather powerful if Patton burped after such a small amount…” Logan speaks up. “Is it actually safe to consume larger volumes?”

“Of course! Nothing leaves the Inventing Room until it is perfect. The lemonade has been thoroughly tested,” Wonka assures.

I dip my finger to try some lemonade as well. However, as I do, I swear I see a dark shadow in the water…

Eh, it’s probably just the boat creating a shadow.

I sit back up, tasting the lemonade, and letting my own little burp out.

“Wow, Princey, didn’t expect you to be so uncouth,” Virgil smirks.

“Princey? Hm… I like it. Keep calling me that.”

Virgil just rolls his eyes.

“So we can just try anything like last time?” Patton asks, receiving a nod from Wonka in response.

“Nothing’s taboo, like the river in the last room?” Logan inquires.

“Nothing at all. No accidents have occurred in this room ever, and I trust you to be responsible enough to keep it that way.”

The boat pulls up onto the beach of the island. Wonka hops out, and we follow suit, the sand crunching under our feet. Patton seems to have taken the designated role of taste tester, leaning down and picking up a handful of sand, before pouring it in his mouth. “Crushed up graham crackers!”

“Correct again,” Wonka nods. “Now, go ahead, you five, you can go explore.”

Once again, like the Chocolate Room, we all go running ‍off. Patton’s trying a little bit of everything we come across. Virgil does the same, only going a bit slower than Patton. Logan takes a seat by a bush growing ice cream sandwiches, picking one off and eating. I walk around a little longer, before finding a large angel cake. I use a nearby chocolate shard as a knife and cut a slice, before going back to sit by Logan.

“I saw you getting all flustered over Pat on the boat,” I tell him. “You should really just tell him how you feel. By the end of the day, it’ll be too late. You have limited time.”

Logan sighs. “I know… I was going to earlier, but the flume on the boat ride ruined the moment.”

“You could do it on the beach,” I suggest. “Beaches are classic confession/proposal venues in romantic movies. And Patton said this room is his personal heaven, what could be a better time? Perfect romantic mood for you two.”

“I guess you’re right… Okay. I won’t chicken out again. I’m going to take Patton to the beach and confess my feelings. Surely it cannot be that diffi-“

“LO!!!” Patton suddenly runs over, and I think, based off his wide eyes and inability to stay still, bouncing on the balls of his feet, it’s pretty obvious he currently has a very bad sugar high. “You have to come over here, there’s a milk and cookies lagoon and it’s really really really cool!” He grabs Logan’s wrist, and drags him off before the other can say anything.

I chuckle at the two of them. They are two of the worst disaster gays I’ve ever met - they’re perfect for each other.

“I see Patton’s kidnapped Logan…” Virgil’s voice catches my attention as he comes over and sits beside me, eating a flapjack. 

“Yep. Those two are so cute together… I can’t wait to find my soulmate like those two have…”

“Ah, so you’re one of those kinda of people who believe in soulmates?”

“Of course! Don’t you?”

Virgil considers it, before shrugging. “Dunno. Never really had time to think about romance or boyfriends or anything. I’ve been too focused on work and saving money for that. The closest thing I’ve gotten to a love life is judging my friend, Elliot’s choice in men.”

“Boyfriends? I’m sensing a very non-straight theme with us tour members…”

“We don’t know about Ethan,” Virgil points out, but I shake my head.

“My gaydar is very powerful. He’s definitely gay. I mean, he’s wearing a bow tie and suspenders by choice, casually.”

“True… Hey, about Ethan, I think something’s off with him… I saw him whispering into some bushes back in the Chocolate Room. It was kinda weird.”

I raise an eyebrow. “Kinda? Sounds like a bit more than kinda… Or maybe he was just talking to one of the Oompa Loompas? They’re pretty short, maybe you didn’t see them because they were stood behind the bush.”

“Maybe… I dunno, Ethan just kinda creeps me out.”

“Wow, I wonder why. Maybe it’s because half his face is that of a snake!”

Virgil shoves my arm, rolling his eyes, yet smiling. I grin back at him.

“You do that a lot. Come on, you love me really.”

Virgil crosses his arms, huffing, but still smiling. “Piss off…”

I pout, resting my chin on his shoulder. “I’m sowwy, Viwgwil. Pwease forgive me.”

“Jesus, I’m not going to forgive you when you’re doing owo speak!”

“Actually, I was doing uwu speak. Very different.” I pause. “Wait, how do you know what owo speak is? I thought you didn’t have a phone or internet.”

Virgil shrugs. “I’m friends with Remy. One of the things he does on his daily coffee shop runs is teach me current memes and internet trends.”

“Huh. Remy’s pretty cool… He single?”

“Aro.”

“Darn… Oh well. The process of elimination brings me one step closer to finding my soulmate.”

Virgil chuckles. “You are aware there are, like, over seven billion people on earth. Process of elimination isn’t gonna get you very far.”

“Well, actually, half those people are eliminated because they’re female. Another bunch because their too old or young. Another bunch because they’re straight. Another bunch because they’re looking for sexual relationships as well, which I cannot provide. Another bunch because they’re aro. That leaves a small percentage of people who could be my soulmate.”

“Well, I wish you the best of luck, because it is going to take you forever to find them.” Virgil says, before reaching over and stealing a bit of my angel cake. I glare at him, before leaning over and taking a bite of his flapjack. “Hey!”

“Revenge, bitch!”

Virgil glares at me. I don’t realise he’s picked up a nearby cream pie until he slams it onto my face.

I pull it away and lick my lips. “Oh, it’s on.”

-

Ohmygodohmygodohmygod! I LOVE this room!

I’m knelt at the side of a lagoon of milk, dipping cookies in it and munching on them after. They’re so good! Even better than the ones Ma makes, and that’s saying something, because her’s are amazing! 

Anyway, I keep happily eating the food that graced so many of my childhood bedtimes, and I look down to where Logan is sat on the beach, looking at a small stream coming off the lagoon and going off into the lemonade ocean. “You okay, LoLo?”

“Yeah, I’m just looking at this stream. It’s extraordinary… The milk from the lagoon somehow changes to lemonade as it reaches the ocean, avoiding cross-contamination. How does it do that…?”

Awww, he’s so nerdy and curious, it’s adorable! I just wanna go over and hug him tight, and never ever ever let go, and-

Is it possible to get drunk on sugar? Because I think I might be. Just an ickle little tiny bit.

Anyway, more cookies!

“You know, Logi,” I say between bites, “you should really try that lemonade. It’s sooooo good!”

Logan looks down at the sea for a moment. “I am curious as to the effects of having a larger volume.” He scoops up some lemonade, drinking it from his hands. He wipes his mouth after. “Wow, Mr Wonka was not lying about the fizz… I already feel gassy.”

I chuckle. “You look it too. Look at your tummy!”

Logan looks down, seeing is stomach is distended. Oh! I used a smart word! ‘Distended’!

“... Okay, if that amount did that to my stomach, there is no way higher volumes can be safe,” Logan says, patting his stomach. However, doing so causes him to let out a belch, which in turn makes his stomach go down. He blushes, putting a hand over his mouth. “Oh, um, excuse me…”

I, on the other hand, burst into giggles. “Sorry, I know burp jokes and potty humour are childish, but it always makes me laugh…!”

Logan smiles. He pauses, before shuffling over and sitting beside me. “Are the cookies nice?”

I nod. “They’re even better than the lemonade! Here, try!” I pick up a cookie, dunk it in the lagoon, and shove it in Logan’s mouth.

He chuckles, biting down on the cookie. “Hm. They are pretty good.”

“Pretty good? More like the best things ever!”

Logan just shrugs. “I personally think Crofters is much better.”

“Crofters?”

“It’s a Canadian jam brand, and my absolute most favourite food in the universe. It’s so sweet and delicious, yet is completely organic. It’s even better than the jam Wonka makes.”

“Sounds nice! I’ll have to try it out sometime!”

“You should. It’s to die for.”

We sit around a little longer, eating cookies and just talking. I tell him about my job at the bakery, and different recipes I’ve come up with. He tells me about his college and classes. I don’t understand a lot of what he tells me, but I don’t mind. It’s nice to just hear him talk… He gets so passionate when he talks about learning and school…

God, he’s perfect. Maybe I should just kiss him now… Kiss his soft, perfect lips…

“Patton?”

“Huh? Oh, sorry, I got distracted… What is it, Lo?”

“I, um… I wanted to tell you something…” He takes a deep breath, before reaching over and taking my hand. My own breath catches in my throat. I look back up, and meet his eyes.

“Patton… I know we only met yesterday, but I really really-“

“Excuse me, you two, but it’s been twenty minutes, we need to go meet Mr Wonka on the east beach.”

Logan curses under his breath, before turning and looking up at Ethan, who stands over us. “Thank you for informing us, Ethan. We had better get going.”

Logan stands, pulling his hand from mine. My face falls a little, but I push it aside for now, hopping to my feet and following him and Ethan to the Eastern side of the island.

After a bit of walking, Roman and Virgil join us. Logan raises an eyebrow at their food covered clothes. “What happened to you two?”

“Dessert War,” they respond in unison.

“You mean a food fight?” Ethan asks.

“It was too intense to just be a fight,” Roman replies.

“Who won?”

“Well… technically there wasn’t a winner, we just kinda stopped when Roman got a dark stain on his crop top and screamed that it cost a lot, so we stopped,” Virgil explains. “Which, if you forfeited, actually means I won!”

“Oh, you did not, I landed more hits!”

“Bullshit! That doesn’t determine the winner!”

“Does!”

“Doesn’t!”

“Does!”

“Doesn’t!”

That’s basically the rest of the conversation all the way to the eastern beach.

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NEXT

Remember, the ask box is always open!

Taglist: @i-have-n0-idea-what-im-d0ing @clone-number-1 @pumpkinminette @why-should-i-tell-youu2

[luobingmeis]

carey for the character thing!

my wife! my wife!!!!!!

favorite thing about them: okay fun fact so when i started taz, i knew like 3 things: 1) that lup was taako’s twin, 2) that taakitz was probably a thing, and 3) that there was a “bury your gays” moment. so!!! here i am having never consumed mcelroy material prior to taz and with also little to no trust left in most straight writers lmao. so, when petals to the metal came and went, i obvi saw the romantic connection between hurley and sloane, but my, being doubtful, was like “oh i doubt they were actually meant to be together” (bc listen most writers would have called them gal pals) so!!! i thought!!! that the “bury your gays” was killian and carey!!! so i literally didn’t let myself get attached to killian and carey bc i thought they were gonna fucking kick it!!! so you can imagine my surprise when carey saved her kickass girlfriend, and was also suddenly reminded that carey is a dragonborn. so literally one of my favorite things is that she survived and saved her girlfriend in one of the coolest, most badass ways!!!! like when i did my relisten for last month, i screamed when that happened omfg

least favorite thing about them: i cannot believe that this bitch put pudding in her pocket to fuck with magnus

favorite line: “you’re gonna make me streak my fucking eyeliner” 

brOTP: her and magnus!!!!! her and magnus are absolute besties. tho i also think her and taako have a fun little friendship based in two things: 1) gay and 2) messing with each other bc they’re both thieves omfg

OTP: carey and killian fucking fuels my life and watered my crops and cleared my chronic skin issues and also made me truly love being a lesbian bc i finally had some good fucking wlw content

nOTP: tbh i haven’t seen any notps w/ carey? bc i ship her with killian and i think everyone else does too lmao. but, like, if anyone was to ship her with magnus??? yeah nah

random headcanon: okay so i hc that killian comes from a fucking Ginormous family of all sisters and they all Love Carey bc carey teaches them how to steal shit and sneak around

unpopular opinion: ngl for a split second, travis and griffin really had me thinking that they were gonna force magnus/carey and tbh i think that would’ve affected how i consumed the rest of the show

song i associate with them: okay so i just thought of this on a whim but “delilah” by florence & the machine really stands out to me!! also pre-team sweet flips “would you be so kind” by dodie

favorite picture of them: here’s some art i like!!! (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x) (x)

[faunusrights]

OFFAL HUNT REMASTERED LIVEBLOG // CHAPTERS 10 + 11

we had a week of peace and now we’re gonna get annihilated!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i have no clue how long this liveblog may end up but hell and high water i’m combining them both

she tore the jade pendant from her neck and flung it into the darkness.

let’s give a warm welcome, to sadness,

i’m very excited for all-new cinder content hhhhhhh if u havent gathered by now I Love This Bitch and I Love Her Many Problems so im thankful for this gift 😞

Cinder was a ruin, her pride carved and served like slabs of meat.

i can FEEL diesel n kc rly patting themselves on the back for every bit of wet meat they can toss at me!!!!!!!!!! U HEAR THAT I CAN FEEL U!!!!!!!!!!! but also i still love this shit w/ all my heart!!!!!!!!!! IM NEVER GONNA STOP SAYIN IT

She had never looked at Glynda’s files.

im so sorry cinder baby but that whole thing? is still HILARIOUS oh my GOD i cannot believe you fucked up that badly. u shoved yr entire head into a beartrap. u absolutely crapped yr pants on that one. yr gonna be thinking abt that on yr deathbed,

/looks at the chapter title again

hhhhhhhh im. so pumped. its gonna be hard to talk abt most of this w/o doing a million fingerguns a minute but i’m gonna try my best

Cinder approached the mirror and touched its silvered face with black-tipped claws,

I SAID IM GONNA TRY MY BEST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She was iron barbs beneath the nail bed, glowing coals underfoot, the singular capacity to do harm. She was a beast, armed with fang and claw and a deep, dark void where her compassion should have laid, and she was dressed for dinner.

HHHHHH god YES THIS IS THE CINDER IM THIRSTY FOR............ i literally cannot say anything that isnt a massive 👈😎👈 but AAAAAAA

like im reading thru this and i cant cherry-pick lines this whole bit? is SO GOOD...  kc n diesel are Yet Again obliterating me w/ their mastery of the narrative style of offal hunt and i just love all of this i rly wish i could explain how offal hunt is EXACTLY MY BRAND!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! F U C K

The final touch on her mastercraft disaster: the four sawed-off horn stumps which grew among her silver-streaked hair.

HOOOO B O I i am. Losin it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE HER HORNS.......... CINDR...............

Wretchedly, she wondered: did Glynda even respect her now?

any other villain: my plan didnt work and im mad >:( cinder fall: my plan didnt work and now im mad but also mostly sad :(

CINDER’S TRYING HER BEST GOD.......... i literally hate how the remaster has made her So Soft, Actually... I BELIEVE IN U CINDER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE U!!!!!!!!!!!!! DO YR BEST

Every part of her was hot and hollow. She was sick with loathing.

i LOVE HER.... CINDER I HOPE U KNO THAT YR LOVED... god tho i dont like how SAD I AM RN... cinder’s so small and the world is so big and wants 2 Shit On Her blease

honestly like. im rly- LOOK I SAID THIS BEFORE BUT. this is why im rly lovin the new cinder content because in the first version we only got glimpses of her internal machinations and now we’re in full-blown Always Sad territory and everything is suffering :)

She blinked. Her double did not.

‘well’, thought murphy. ‘that’s terrifying.’

she’d only survived thanks to a keen instinct for danger, cultivated during her tenuous teenage years.

i NEED. I NEED. CINDER BACKSTORY. all these lil nuggets dont constitute a meal! I WANT A BIG MAC AND FRIES. WHAT THE HELL WAS THIS BABY DOING!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

also again. the body horror of offal hunt? peak content. Im Lovin It

its getting harder to divine what is and what is not a 👈😎👈 because we got bits sprinkled around and theres only rly a spoiler potential if u glue em all together so im still being extra careful and the answer is blared in everyones faces so this whole kondor scene will go uncommented unless some Bullshit Happens which it will, so,

When she had become so invested in Glynda’s approval? When had a desire to be recognized as something inhuman, something ferocious, something black and terrible and capable of keeping up with Glynda Fucking Goodwitch turned into this?

oh! oh! i have the answer! i do! i know the answer! it’s you a lesbian,

The spectres of her youth haunted this city, owl-eyed children and fox-eared teens. They’d been a second sort of family, the only kind she’d had within these walls, and she’d wondered what had become of them in the past decades, but…

It was too sentimental, and she wasn’t meant to be a creature of sentiment.

oh boy okay wow

okay so actually this bit made me cry??? fuck OFF im losing it!!!!!!!! LET HER BE SENTIMENTAL!!!! LET HER HAVE PPL TO CARE ABT!!!!!!!!!! IM LITERALLY CRYING IM GONNA DIE!!!!!!!!!

She would go barefoot from this point on, her heels clutched at her side. When she left the hotel room to steal into the night, she promised herself not to look back.

im sorry im just. so sad rn. i havent cried over a fic in YEARS and we still have another chapter ago i hate this SO MUCH..............

here comes chapter 11 

if i cry even once more im going to stab!!!!!! im not sure what BUT ILL STAB!!!!!!!!!!!!

Even without his wings, the Manticore would easily have been twice the size of any of the other Grimm, far outstripping them in sheer bulk.

HATI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! HATI HATI HATI

holy shit we actually get to see him this time!!!!!!!!!!! WE GET TO SEE THIS LEGENDARY BOY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THIS CHONCC,

also hes a manticore now which is, Radical, may i just say, and just a little bit sexy,

The effortless grace in each move betrayed power most Grimm would not live to achieve. Once he stood, he had to dip his head low to meet her eye to eye. His canines were the length of her forearm.

if u werent here for the remaster? we never even SAW hati but now hes here, hes Big, and rly thats all that matters,

Like a child who’d been allowed to lie and lie until at last they’d strangled themself in the web they’d spun, Cinder couldn’t speak. Could only wait on his verdict.

every single one of cinder’s inherent themes is killing me and this business w/ family? stop. im dying. this is rude

The scant space between them popped and cracked like an sparking flame, warm and effervescent, and this time, Cinder lingered, hugging Hati close.

IF I CRY ONCE MORE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I MEAN IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! IF U ASSHOLES MAKE ME CRY ONCE MORE I WILL DOXX YOU,

aaaaaaaaaaaaaah im loving this content i rly dont have words for it dhjfgsdfgjh i just, rly like the words, and the order theyre in, and i honestly keep forgetting to liveblog it cause i just wanna READ EM!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Tempting as it was—as it always had been, ever since she’d left the relative safety of the wastes and learned what happened to scraggly-limbed teens with horns and fangs and gleaming eyes—

with every chapter i desperately have 2 kno more abt baby cinder i HAVE to know i am so. UNBEARABLY CURIOUS... baby cinder what happened... what happened 2 u....

A lantern’s glow warmed her, bleeding into the darkness leeching at them both. It was a gentle gold across her skin, and like an answering signal from a distant outpost, Cinder saw a flush of light through the dark fur lining Hati’s throat, as though flames licked at his insides.

i forgot. that cinder glows like that when she feels Loved or full of pride and you know what i dont like these chapters. they were made to hurt me and i Dont Like That (im mclovin it)

From the safety of Hati’s neck, she found it easier—after all this time, he was still her bastion.

WHEN YOU REALISE? THAT YR ACTIONS HAVE CONSEQUENCES?? STOP,

For a regular person, the machine would be able to draw out short bursts of power, the likes of which no Semblance could ever channel. The taxation would eventually destroy the soul so deeply, so thoroughly, as to leave it empty for good.

For a Witch? For—

the fact. she cut herself off before she could think ‘for glynda’. has me on the FLOOR. this bit is just So Much i dont like it

Glynda Goodwitch would not abandon this hunt. Cinder knew it, had read it from her palms like an open book—Glynda Goodwitch did not know how to stop. If it had been anyone else on Remnant, they might never return, might never pull themselves back into action after today—but Glynda did not have a shred of self-preservation.

me, knocking against cinder’s head: u kno for someone w/ so many schemes in yr brain yr pretty dumb and gay, huh,

firstly let’s talk abt cinder’s “””””””””””””””””””self-preservation””””””””””””””””””” instin-- whats that? not found? yes

[Glynda’s] eyes were empty, hungry, insatiable.

i feel like ive read this line before! lets jump back a chapter--

In [Cinder’s] eyes, there was a subtle, endless hunger.

WAKE UP CINDER SHE’S YR SOULMATE!!!!!!!!!!! THE COFFEE’S READY U CAN SMELL THE BACON FROM HERE WAKE UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

With a fluid leap, they were in the air, the ground quickly shrinking beneath them. Pressing her face against his neck to shield herself from the wind, she closed her eyes and prepared herself for what was to come, trusting Hati to deliver her safely.

that said i ADORE my boy hati is literally the best part of offal hunt kc and diesel do not interact,

He was frozen in horrific anticipation, like watching an imminent tragedy and being absolutely helpless to stop it. Like all the tension was mixed with grief and hopeless, futile fear.

when will offal hunt be nice to me. when will any of these characters get to be happy. hello. im full of sadness.

The sound was like a saw working back and forth, but resonating inside her head, rattling every tooth in her jaw, deafening to her ears.

im literally gritting my teeth at this i can hear it in my own head and its Very Bad!!!!!!!!!!!!! GOD AAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

okay god i can barely handle to quote anything more this bit is hurting ME so lets swiftly move on before I Die

Cinder closed her weary eyes, sinking into sleep like a shallow grave.

BE NICE TO HER!!!!!!!!!!!!!! BE NICE TO HER JUST THIS ONCE, PLEASE, IM BEGGING YOU,

They only knew death, only ever sought death; fangs and claws slicked with blood, magic rending meat and marrow apart, and everywhere that choking, scalding heat, spilled blood like magma, like the core of a planet.

hmm... that seems like a 👈😎👈 ~reference~

They were all alert, ears pricked, hackles raised like Hati’s. They all fixed on the same spot, somewhere beyond the darkness of the cave opening, and though she could barely think, she knew:

She was out of time. The Witch was here.

oh no.

okay so THATS CHAPTERS 10 AND 11! i only cried ONCE and u kno what thats. a Victory. these two chapters were VERY GOOD i rly loved em and i can tell new readers r gonna have a blast w/ this shit!!!!!!!!!! meanwhile i, a veteran reader, am full of peril,

terrible.

[my-river-styx]

A Big Fuck Off Rant Here Lads, Be Warned This Is About Terfs/Radfems As Well As A Bunch Of Political Stuff

I hate that God awful sinking feeling I get in my gut when I end up on a Terf/transphobic persons blog and I just, realise people that are that desperately hateful exist. I found a blog and was going through it, the name making me think they were trans friendly seeming as they had it in their name, only to become rapidly confused and kinda sick when all their posts were outright seethingly angry and hateful towards trans people. Like, the first few I read I thought I was misunderstanding but the further I got I was like, oh, no, they are a Terf/transphobe or align with their ideals.

I don't have a problem with people having opinions, it's your right to think and say what you want. But what I do have a problem with is you putting that vile hateful shit online where kids, trans or otherwise, can see it. To be fair, kids shouldn't be on Tumblr even after the shitty facade of a purge they did to make it child friendly. However, kids ARE on here and they ARE reading your posts and posts like them. It's how conservatives and other far right and even drastically far left groups manage to keep relevance in our lives despite most people disagreeing with them. It's through feeding kids their crap over and over again, sometimes without them realising or wanting to. It happened when I was a kid but luckily my parents aren't nearly conservative and simply hold similar beliefs in some areas. I grew up thinking those hateful things were right, and okay.

Until I opened my fucking eyes and realised they weren't. That you shouldn't feed children your hateful and poisonous rheteric when they don't understand the situations. I, as a little fucking child, genuinely believed that asylum seekers didn't deserve access to our country because they didn't go through legal channels. My parents offloaded their beliefs onto me and for quite a while I didn't even question it. The news/media in Australia didn't help either. But then I grew the fuck up and realised that I was fed a bunch of shit. That what they were saying was bullshit. That the media was trying to shove that shit into my head because it distracted me from them, and the government and what they were doing. It was to give me a fake enemy so I wouldn't see the very real one right under my nose.

Those people, all people, deserve safety and respect unless they are actively causing harm to others.

The problem is a lot of those children grow up not realising those ideas are old, outdated and toxic to change. That they are media crap designed explicitly to keep your eyes away from the blatant corruption of our world and that it is rapidly being killed. And they vote. And have blogs online where they spew their vile crap for newer generations to see. It's why I wish kids weren't allowed on this site. Because a lot of the crap on here is just that, crap. Shit that doesn't actually have a foothold in the real world or if it does, it's so small that it doesn't matter. Terfs and radfems on Tumblr have a huge foothold and use it to attack trans people just trying to live their fucking lives, not hurting anyone. Trans women especially are the victims of this, trans men less so, though it is still a big deal. Terfs and radfems are so concerned with policing who can do what that they don't police themselves.

Their community supposedly stands for women's rights (and by that they mean cis women because God knows they don't know how to be accepting) but as soon as a cis women comes forward supporting Trans women and trans women lesbians, they are instantly shut down, saying they must be an idiot or they are brainwashed. They only support the people who support them. They don't stand for feminism or women's rights, because if they did they would include trans women BECAUSE THEY ARE WOMEN. No, they just want to support their own little bubble and exclude anyone they don't like, just like we are back in fucking highschool with friendship groups and cliques.

For Trans men, if the terfs and radfems don't just outright dismiss them and call them confused women or women trying to escape the patriarchy, they are infantilized. They see us as women. Not as men. I can't force you to accept trans people and even if I could, I wouldn't want to. The fact you are so critical and hateful only speaks volumes about you as a person, about how you either hate yourself or are so drastically narcissistic that you need mental health assistance. Nobody filled with that much anger and hate for people they don't know and who are not doing anything wrong, is happy in their lives. You reek of low self-esteem and self loathing and I feel sorry that your way of dealing with that is to lash out at trans people instead of taking the time to listen to yourself and heal. It's not a way I wouldn't want anyone to live.

In the real world and not tumblr.hell, radfems and terfs have a much smaller voice. It's there, no doubt, and there are some much louder voices and ideas, but they are rightfully ignored for the fact they are just spewing hate. Anyone who does agree with them is normally a conservative, cis and straight. All things that mean they cannot understand the trans experience, let alone the LGBTQ one. Now, there are a lot of radfem/Terf lesbians, who loathe the idea of trans women in their spaces because "they aren't women, they are men just trying to invade our spaces and take them away". No, they aren't. I'm not a trans women, but I do know a lot about the trans experience on the other end as a trans man. Trust me when I say that trans people do not want to steal your space. They are people who want to find support and comfort within a group of people. Trans women can be lesbians because they are women. Trans men can be gay, because they are men. Hell, it was trans women who pioneered the LGBTQ movement, so you wouldn't have the spaces you do today without them. Learn to break free of your biased thoughts and move towards understanding how to be including and accepting. I don't even begin to understand every facet of the LGBTQ community. So many parts of it confuse me. But it's not my place to tell someone they aren't allowed to identify as something. Unless it is genuinely hurting someone, like pedophiles and maps (which newsflash, despite what terfs and radfems want to pretend and scream, trans women aren't. They just want to fucking pee and shit in the toilet for fuck sales).

So, this whole long 3:15 am insomnia ridden post really boils down to, is this. Try and step out of your bubble. Out of the comfort of your preset ideas on people and the lies and garbage fed to you by the media and even your parents in some cases. Try and understand others or at least take the time to listen instead of blindly attacking like a wounded animal. You are not inherently hateful. You deserve the chance to step out of your little cave and learn that the big bad world isn't out to get you. Trans women aren't trying to invade your spaces, or forces lesbians to date them. Trans men aren't trying to escape the patriarchy or are women haters, or trying to change what being gay means. We are real people deserving of respect. We aren't asking for you to bow at our feet. We are asking you to stop attacking us without reason, to stop listening to the horse shit the media throws out to defame and make us look like the villians. Because while your out here attacking innocent trans people, your getting your rights slowly erroded by a government that doesn't give two shits about you. That is purposely force feeding you garbage through the media to make you complacent and distract you from what's going on. Do you think big bussniess, the thing that bloody runs our governments now, gives a shit about you? About what you think? No, they want to make money. Your a number to them. They blatantly pull the strings of all major governments and take away any right you have to object. They are tearing the planet apart to the point 1/7 people will survive.

The planet is dying, rapidly, and if you stopped worrying about us merely existing and instead turned your attention to the real problems, we could do so much more to fight for our rights.

Your very lively hood, the thing you so vehemently fight for is not only on the line, it's at stake. They are trying to kill us, and your bitching online that a trans women went into the female bathroom to pee like a goddamn human being.

Get your priorities straight.

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 2 - Valiant

- ik for a fact that this one is the episode with the asshhoole. not bc i recognised it from the title but perhaps it was because i recognised it from the title u got me there

- i always go to mr clean too when i want protection, val, ur not alone

- yeah, this is harry potter l ma o

- the next thing u know theres a stone that makes arthur live forever and the snakes start joining into one and growing bigger until a phoenix (im dibbing on kilgie here), pops their corneas out

- DAMN DON'T KILL UR DEALER WHERE U GONNA GET THE NEW SHIT FROM NEXT TIME SMH VALIANT

- okay but who names their son valiant

- he was probably named valerie and didnt like it so he said “woah imma be valiant like courage, thats sick”

- that was probably his superhero persona as a child ngl

- no, shev, no respect for val stop doing this

- merlin in armour, what a fucking bLESiSNG GIVING ME THIS RIGHT ON THE SPOT BBC KNOWS WHATS GOOD

- ok a y but hear me out, merlins a servant. i have not seen any of these servants been asked to train with the royals??? like in the sense where it helps the servant train as well?? and the FIRST thing arthur does with merlin as his servant is train with him. not only is arthur a huge JOCK, he’s not using his manservant properly

- neverfuckingmind “most servants collapse after the first blow”, so it seems to be arthur likes to train with his servants. now that in itself is a question to be asked, but is he the only royal who trains with his servants??? how did this man survive on his own without a personal servant until merlin??? did he have a personal servant??? was it just regular servants?? who are those other servants he trained with??? did arthur just say hey lets go to the field in the morning, put on armour and let’s have a fun time?? UNLESS merlin literally just took someones job away from them kmao

- also my mind went right to the gutter guys, ngl, it sounded like an innuendo. it had me quaking i wish i was one of those servants

- “we all have our duties, even arthur” “it must be so tough for him, all the *hesitates* girl, all the glory”

- so we probably get at least 1 out of every 2 episodes where there’s a scene with merlin dressing arthur in his armour. bring the popcorn, lads.

- MORGANA LOOKING LIKE A FRICKEN SNACK

- the reigning champion is arthur, wonder fucking w h y

- valiant is in fucking mustard, while arthur is fucking ketchup idk why i thought of that but it happened. my literature teacher always told me to look for symbolisms. guess we found one guys.

- merlin after hating on arthur for the past episode is literally just cheering arthur on like a good husband he is

- did ARTHUR JUST SNICKER AT MERLINS “CREEP” LMAO DON'T TRY AND HIDE IT BY HUFFING AT HIM AFTERWARDS YOU FUCKING GOOF

- omg he hid it by telling merlin to do a full novel of chores

- AND MERLIN DOES IT WITH MAGIC A PAIR OF GOOFS

-  “are you using magic again” “no” merlin ffs he just saw you use magic, while the items fell and landed right in front of him while you didn’t move at aLL. they are nOT BLIND

- “very aggressive style” I MEAN SURE UTHER

- valerie be fuckboying morgana lmao with a “i saw you watching” and a, “then i will give everything to win the tournament”

- i wish this show was set in the early 2000s so i can see val in low sweatpants, a backwards cap with gelled spiky hair and cheap neon sunglasses (maybe even some gold teeth just for kicks), while hes trying to rap 50 cents or make a mixtape of brit pop songs. bc yes.

- honestly im loving my 2000 fuckboy au. gonna make an ao3 after this.

- of course merlin would be the one to find out the magic shit in valiants room, it just lures him. AND OF COURSE VALIANT IS THERE

- i'm so fucking glad arthur looks confused as to how merlin did what he asked. when u have this kind of hubby, arthur, its amazing what things he can do.

- i dont know why theres dramatic music as merlin put armour on arthur but im living for it

- “is it my imagination or are you beginning to enjoy yourself?” merlin doesn't know what to say to that bc he’s turning gay and doesn't know if that counts as enjoying oneself when the one you are gay for is the asshole prince

- typically enough, valiant and arthur never fight except for the finale. like with all conveniences in place, youd expect them to have at least fought at some point with as much knights as there to determine the final two but no, just the finale. k.

- this poor fucking purple knighted bloke didn’t need to be fucking demonstrated on, val. like you didn't need to kill him?? that could have blown ur cover

- DID NOBODY SEE THAT??? DID NOBODY SEE THE FUCKING SNAKES???

- oooh merlin found out what happened everyone gonna be fucked. nobody harms arthur is he has something to say about it

- if someone starts off a sentence with “i just saw someones snakes on their shield come alive” nobody would fucking believe you, merls. but given the fact that magic exist… mhh maybe it wouldn’t be too absurd. but ppl apparently are thick as hell

- “why were you in his chambers” well i know how id explain if i was in valiants chambers ;)

- jk i dont fall for this toxic shit

- imagine getting paid as an actor just just lie down there like this poisoned kid. “yeah, id like to audition for ewan’s role???” “why are you lying on the ground?”

- i hate those tropes where it's like “i know how to tell someones bad, here’s proof” and then nobody believes you and tells you you’re lying and should die or whatever but then you kNOW IT'S THE FUCKIN TRUTH BITCH that trope gives me damn anxiety >:((

- yes merlin, fucking slash the shield with your sword. i'm sure that's how it works. im sure it will kill the snakes.

- HOWA RE THE SNAKES ALIVE WITHOUT VAL SAYING “ISHNAHASHAHI”

- i think val would know that you cut off the snake’s head, merls, just saying. ur were the oNLY ONE.

- TELL ARTHUR WHAT??? “I CUT A SNAKE”

- EXACLTY ONG THAT'S WHAT MERLIN FUCKING SAID I WAS RIGHT LMAO

- ARTHUR BELEIVED HIM I'M FUCKING LIVING BUT IK WHAT HAPPENS AND AHH

- uhhh the anxiety is rolling up boys

- ewan is mcfuckingdead

- snake be sliding in like a hoe on a business

- bfehfjdjfskf i hate this part

- arthur's pride, merlin’s pride, fuck me

- i'm not even gonna write this part, it breaks my fragile heart when arthur sees the look of people not believing him, especially his dad, and merlin seeing how arthur doesn't trust him anymore like prepare the eulogies girlies

- okay but if arthur is struck and gaius has the antidote?? arthur aint gonna die technically

- but now val knows merlin knows

- AND MERLIN INTERVENES

- why are royals so bitchy towards servants. like they do their best to help you??? they are loyal to you and are paid there to serve you and are often very kind, generous, passive, understanding people??? yet merlin interrupts uther and he fucking sends him to the pit

- VAL YOU ASS LMAO DON'T HURT MY SON’S PRIDE

- he said allegations like four times, yes uther we know ur vocab is shining with intellect but seriously, there’s other synonyms that could still be acceptable and still sound fancy

- quick search on google bc my mind doesnt roll fast enough: claim, assertion, charge, accusation, declaration, statement, contention, deposition, argument, affirmation. see daddy uther, not hard to look up.

- forget they didnt have internet whoopsies

- :((( arthur doesn't trust merlin anymore

- the husbands FIGHT

- not just a banter petty fight, this is a huge fight

- SACKING MERLIN DON'T FUCKING SACK MERLIN YOU GOOF

- TRUST UR HUBBY

- FUCK

- I'M GONNA CRY AND IT'S ONLY EPISODE TWO

- I'M HAVING EMOTIONAL PROBLEMS CONCERNING MY TWO BOYS

- GUYS IM NOT OKAy

- its been 2 minutes after i wrote that last sentence, and i am now okay

- “a half cannot truly hate that which makes it whole” iconic as hell. so many things could be said about that quote. either for innuendo purposes, love purposes, destiny purposes, how long it took me to say it right, just so many purposes man. it’s just iconic.

- merlin looks absolutely done with kilgaharama’s shit

- “just give me a straight answer” seems like kilgarass here is being too gay for merlin

- gwen already knows merlin’s the heroin of the series, saying everyone knows it's merlin who will save the day. but same tbh

- i dunno if this is like me or not but it says her nickname is gwyn in the subtitles but im typing it as gwen which i thought was how u wrote it, even if her full name is gwynevere but like gwen has a ring to it while gwyn sounds like gwin or smth and i dunno which one is right so ill just leave it alone ahjsjfk

- MORGANA HAS VISIONS WE ALREADY KNOW WHERE THIS GOES SHES MAGIC ISNT SHE HAHAHAHAUHD

- merlin trying one last time to convince his husband not to die, but at least this time arthur knows he’s up for val’s magic and is like “k iloveyou but i have to do this for the country not just bc of pride and thinking val is not magic”

- staring into the fire like he’s hoping it would suck him up into the void, not only is merlin a now confirmed emo, so is fucking arthur it seems. perfect for one another i'm telling you

- eerie music as morgana enters… wha suddenly i can't read

- i thought at first morgana and arthur were gonna end up together cause of the fucking weird tension going on and i was prepared to be disfuckinggusted but no! the show and producers actually put my expectations away and helped me see that it wasn’t going in that direction! thank fucking god! 

- k but arthur looks majestic in his gear im just a huge bi

- “don’t go into my room” he says then gaius peaks in and almost gets mauled by a large chihuahua

- me too val, id step on someone's toes then fuck them up with an undercut. thats the bad bitch way to go. unless it for arthur, then val hahaha you can go fuck yourself

- no one sees mErLin??

- but they now see the snakes smh fakes

- “what are you doing? i didn't summon you” i don't think that will work val cause you didn't say it with a serpent tongue, it has to sound more like “shhashhwhat ahhssare hiisssyou iisshhaadoing?”

- okay but i thought arthur was impaled for a half second until he started to talk then i screamed that he was aight and he would now believe merlin

- uther better give merlin an apology

- arthur just said he wouldnt

- but still uther BETTER APOLOGISE TO FUCKING MERLIN

- “yknow i wish valiant was escorting me” “me too” i thought for a fricken moment arthur wished valiant would have escorted HIM. i'm dying.OMG

- “i wanted to say i made a mistake. it was unfair to sack you.” “don’t worry about it. buy me a drink and we’ll call it even.” DID YOU JUST SAY WHAT I THINK YOU JUST SAID MERLIN YOU SLY DOG OMG

- “i can’t really be seen to be buying drinks for my servant.” so if he wasn’t ur servant?? you’d say yes?? they are so fucking gay i can't anymore

- yeah, i literally fucking can't