#I could try and form a coherent thought about this but god I cannot

[orb-weaving]

I have not been so physically unwell about a ship as chronohaul in a long, long time.

[ruins-of-tragedy]

Concluded season five of RWBY. The band is back together! The world tour is on track once more!!!

- Adam. You were right. Someone needed to die that day. But it shouldn't have been Sienna. It was supposed to be you.

- The PR battle between Adam and the Belladonnas. WoWie... I want to tear that Taurus guy apart from limb to limb.

- So Ozpin is not just Ozpin but many, many, many people who merged their souls with a cursed person? Okie. This is a thing.

- Cursed because he couldn't stop Salem initially. What kind-of fucked Gods are these?!

- I want... No. I NEED Weiss, Blake and Yang to receive special training from cute small little Oscar boy Ozpin. Pwease.

- Love the idea of a semblance and what that can mean in our verse. Especially since we can unlock it too... In the words of one wise Nora Valkyrie, it's "...like your very own superpower! Everybody's got one. It's just a matter of finding it and mastering it."

- Raven may not be a great mother, but she seems like a badass. I can respect that. However, fucking nope. Yang deserves better. Am glad she at least had Summer for a while.

- It's the fact that Weiss has to stand up on her tippy-toes in order to hug Yang properly. 😆😭🥹

- Ruby is innocence. Weiss is defiance. Yang is strength. 🫶🏻

- Blake must miss them so much.

- Adam is spite. And his way of thinking is dangerously contagious. Gods... I LOVE this show.

- Who needs real tea when Raven's over here spilling the whole container worth of gossip?

- To the guy carving food like ramen out of wood pieces... Teach me your ways!!! Also, do better for Faunus. They should be allowed in the bar too.

- Yang and Weiss and Ruby hug!!!!

- Vomit Boy. Nickname throwbacks!!! AGHHHHH!!! Ice Queen didn't miss them at all. ✨

- That conversation between RWY and then Weiss and Yang... Gods. I really appreciated the variations in loneliness Weiss talks about.

- Unrelated note, but Jacques Schnee should come to our world. I will welcome him happily. Please. And thank you.

- Ruby was right. "Nice Weiss strikes again."

- Also, love how Yang does not want to care. At all. But she does. So much.

- Abandonment issues are the worst.

- Ilia liked Blake? Awwww! I didn't know she was cool like that! The betrayal though. Fuckity fuck.

- WoWie. Ilia was able to form thoughts and speak them out coherently still, while having a lady on top. Straddling her, as she was being pinned down. Gods. I couldn't have done it if I was her age. Heck, can't do so even now... Debating morals and engaging in a big emotional confrontation this way... She is stronger than I am.

- Ilia could have died the same death her parents probably did. Fuck. Thank Gods for people like Ghira.

- The audacity of this biatch. The Belladonnas ruined everything?!??? Corsair. Catch these hands!!!

- Welcome to the good side Ilia. Here we have friends, support and Blake!

- So Weiss gets stabbed. I know she is not going to die. But FUCKKKKKKK. They are really coming after her this season...

- My emotions are being played with.

- Jaune's semblance heals?! Awwwwww! So fitting!!!

- Hazel is so overcome by his own rage, he can't see it was his sister's choice. And instead of respecting that, he is out here trying to bring down other children. I don't think she will be impressed.

- Raven is the spring maiden. Did NOT see that coming.

- I need a show revolving around Team STRQ.

- Jaune's aura amplifies others. He won't run out. Pyrrha believed he has a lot of it. 🌟😭

- Blake coming in with back-up and reinforcements had me screaming with joy!!! Really needed that.

- Cinder's now Grimm too?!

- That look between Blake and Yang. Xiao Long cannot anymore. She has fallen HARD. I think she knows it too. At least somewhat. Gods. I love them.

- Yang not letting her emotions get the best of her when it easily could have before... Especially when it's Mercury coming for her. Top tier character glow up!!! Even more so because it didn't happen all at once. There were times she failed to do it too. I like how they kept it realistic.

- Cinder Fall falls. Vernal is the MVP. And dead.

- Every time RWBY has a half an hour episode now, I get scared. And that's the case still with the finale of this season.

- Sun Wukong is an honorary Belladonna for me.

- Weiss remembers Blake being more quiet. 😂

- Yang vs Raven. Love this battle of wills.

- So much for being "Lionheart." Giving Leos a bad name. At least he dead now.

- Fuck. Could never have imagined Raven killing the initial Spring Maiden. But I guess it makes sense.

- Yang Xiao Long is my favourite character. Period.

- Team RWBY is back together. They are hugging. AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!

- Bumbleby is out of the trenches, but heading into an emotional one perhaps?

- Next stop: Atlas. I feel Qrow's long suffering sigh. 😤. Ironwood was turning into a bit of a dictator, the last time we saw him. Wonder what's going on with him now.

- Raven wants to talk to Tai... Not your typical parents teachers meeting. 😆

- This is out of order, but I laughed so hard when Raven clocks the bad folks for being ego-maniacs. Then calls out Cinder's last name and how it's too appropriate. Doctor Watts confirming it was the cherry on top!

- This season was something. In the best possible way. Holy hell... Anywho, onto the next one!!!

(No spoilers! Or I use you for Jacques and Adam target practice. Adiós!)

[shouldhavebeenpersephone]

In GTN chapter 36, Cytherea says “None of you have learned how to die gracefully. I learned over 10,000 years ago"

Do you know/have a theory as to how Cyth could have learned anything pre-resurrection? She was not one of the original lyctors present for the resurrection and it was only 10,000 years ago. It could be hyperbole but I am suspicious of the “over 10,000 years”.

Thank you so much for the ask! I wanted to take my time with it, I hope you didn't mind the wait.

I actually had been chewing on this with my most recent GtN reread. Bear with me as I cut and paste all the pieces that form my thoughts on this - hopefully it's somewhat coherent to read.

Could "over 10000 years" be a hyperbole? Maybe. A lot of characters tell the 'truth' as far as they believe it to be so even if it's factually incorrect. I don't think, however, that Tamsyn would make Cytherea say it in this specific way if it was a hyperbole. In GtN chapter 35 where Palamedes confronts Cytherea we get the following lines, which are what feed my intuition about this:

"Don't lie to me, please."

Dulcinea said, "I have never lied to any of you."

Cytherea has no reason to lie, especially not after being confronted by Palamedes. She tells him herself - she has been giving pieces of the truth and using those to manipulate the narrative. Because of this and because it's much more fun if it isn't a hyperbole I see no point to dismiss it as an emotional inaccuracy.

So let's say she is over 10,000 years old. How does that work?

First thing I went looking for while trying to figure this out was the question of Cytherea's birth. On the fandom wiki, it states that Cytherea was born into the established Seventh. I have been combing through the books, and I cannot find anything in canon that truly confirms this. What we do know of the timeline and her age is the following from HtN chapter 9:

"When they first brought her to Canaan House, I thought there'd been some mistake. - She was just shy of thirty then, I recall. -

-Was she the first gen, or second?"

"Second," said God. "Early second. We were still experimenting with getting the Sixth installation up and running. Some of the Houses were empty."

Mercymorn spoke up: "No. We had it running by then. Because Valancy was with us, and Anastasia."

-"Yes, you're right. We were all there to meet her. All sixteen of us -

'Some of the houses were empty' is the important line here, because in NtN John 5:4 Harrow describes how the resurrection happened:

-You resurrected some of them. You wake up fewer still. You start out with a few thousand, then, later, some hundred thousand, then millions, but never more than millions. You teach them how to live all over again. You teach yourself. -

The houses are named in order of resurrection. The Seventh, then, comes after the Sixth, which should make it obvious that by the time Cytherea arrived the Sixth was already established - or the Seventh wouldn't have existed. Yet, for some reason, for John this is not as obvious. I have found what could be an explanation in HtN chapter 2:

He said, "No. I haven't truly resurrected anyone in ten thousand years. But at that time... I set many aside, for safety... and I've often felt bad about just keeping them as insurance. They've been asleep all this myriad, Harrow, -

The difference wouldn't be as obvious to John, because he didn't resurrect the houses one by one. He resurrected a chunk of the earth's population, kept them dormant, and piece by piece woke them up to populate the houses. Beyond the fact that Cytherea is never said to have been born on the Seventh in canon (again, to my knowledge - please correct me if I missed it), the following from HtN chapter 2 really seals the deal in my eyes that she was not born on the Seventh but rather woken up for the Seventh.

The emperor said gently, "She needs to go home, Harrow."

"That was never her home," he said.

You did not look. "And will the Seventh House accept her?"

I also considered John might feel Cytherea belongs at home with the other Lyctors and therefore denies that the Seventh is her home, but then remembered the following from the same chapter:

He said, "No Lyctor has ever returned home, once we understood the reprecussions... no Lyctor except one, who knew I would come to intercept her for that very reason."

He is talking about how Harrow cannot go home to the Ninth, and referring to Cytherea going home by returning to Canaan house located on earth. John also talks about the kind of people he resurrected in NtN John 5:4:

-We'll get them all back... some of them, anyway... or at least, the ones I want to bring back. Anyone I feel didn't do it. Anyone I feel had no part in it. Anyone I can look at the face of and forgive. -

Part of the same chapter I included above in combination with this one make me itchy almost. Harrow says 'You teach them how to live all over again.' That almost feels like it should be people who recently learned how to live. Like John only resurrected kids.

Think about it. He resurrects his loved ones and ones he can forgive. People who did not take part in the destruction of earth in his eyes. Who other than children could he really be talking about? Children, babies, who have no power to decide or influence to exert, who - even if they did have the power - do not have the capacity to understand the consequences of their actions. Whose memories will be easiest to erase because there is so little to begin with.

It then also makes sense why there were two generations of Lyctors. The population he woke up had to grow up into adults first. Why else would he have half a band of Lyctors trying to settle all of the Houses? If he was able to pick adults worthy of resurrection, he would have been able to pick adults capable of establishing his houses and becoming his hands and gestures.

One final point that drives this home is the following from the very beginning of GtN in chapter 7 when Teacher tells the Ninth about Dulcinea's condition:

"Dulcinea Septimus was not meant to live to twenty-five,"-

Dulcinea's hereditary disease is the same as Cytherea's. John did not know she was sick when she first was brought to Canaan house, which means that when he resurrected her, she must have been young enough to not be actively dying yet. Perhaps a toddler or a child who had been sick for some time - long enough to know what it feels like to slowly be dying.

So, all in all, my answer is that Cytherea was not born on the Seventh. I am not sure where the idea that the second generation was born on their planets of origin came from, but I honestly doubt any of them were born instead of woken. Cytherea claiming to have learned something 10,000 years ago would be a great way for Tamsyn to give us just enough to figure it out - this is, after all, the same author who gave us the big reveal of the second book in the first sentence of the first book of her series.

[aviancataclysm]

did i ever talk about my cubesonas. oh my god if i didnt the comic wouldnt make any sense aughhh

left is avian. right is z

avian is my old icon who remains my youtube pfp, z is the current icon set that i use <- because i felt that avian's reminded me too much of my 13 yo self who couldn't beat 6 stars and that was somehow hindering me from beating harder levels

canonically avian was forced to retire after sustaining some form of brain damage from the attacks of HeLL repeatedly injuring him in the same spot (this is in reference to how i decided to change icons while trying to beat it). this caused him to have dogshit motor skills (trips and falls a lot) and also slurs his words + thoughts arent very coherent sometimes

EDIT 10/23: he has healed enough and returned ! although only in duals. thanks to separate dual icons mod <3 (I SHOULD HAVE DONE THIS A LONG TIME AGO BUT HEY. FREE PLOT IDASLGFAJJ

but wait, there's more. z has time manipulation powers. keep reading to find out

"The hourglass symbol.

All assumes it is just a fancier way of writing the letter Z. I thought so too, until I was tasked by the dead God of Time, from an era long past in creation, to do his biddings.

That symbol was how he found me. Or perhaps, how I found him? I was given authority over the River, and from his influence I gained wings and horns that occasionally appear. Essentially turning me into a being similar in visage to him. But apparently the same type of transformation is seen in all of his messengers.

He... Chronolock Theos, has been asleep for a long time in a realm where fiction becomes even less tangible. The graveyard of all who were written.

Somehow the torch ended up in my hands. All because of my birth name.

Or was it premeditated?

I am still unsure of that.

In literature, the horror and madness of which that comes from eldritch beings inscribed into works as King of the Yellow come from knowledge.

Knowledge that someone in this dimension of existence should not ever acquire nor ever comprehend.

Those who have came face-to-face with the Great Old Ones have briefly seen reality from their perspective, as part of their power over the psyche.

Imagine an ant suddenly gaining knowledge and understanding of human society. It sees all, then it sees nothing again. It returns to its ordinary ant life remembering things its now-normal ant brain even struggles to comprehend at all.

Would it still be sane?

I now know about the rules of time and the River.

However I cannot see it unlike he could.

I remember only a vague concept of his appearance. (There was something draconic to it.)

I am blind to the element which I control.

... And I am working on accepting that."

- Z, in his own writing

[feelingthedisaster]

Hello hi. I have no idea anything about the fandom you’re in, however I recognize a few names based off of the stuff you reblog. Mainly Aaron and Neil, I believe. So for that ask about characters could you tell me a bit about (either of) them?

hiii <3 <3

okay, so a lot of yapping alert cause im obssesed with those two little guys

aaron

How I feel about this character: i cannot physically stop thinking about him. he invades all my thoughts. he is basically my head roomie at this point. he is such an asshole. i love him. he is not normal and trying so hard to be which its a fact i cannot get over. also, he is the funniest motherfuxker alive and has been way before the bonus chapters, finally some recognition to my boy

All the people I ship romantically with this character: katelyn basically and only. tho i've read kevaaron/katekevaaron fics but i dont really ship them i just think the fics are neat

My non-romantic OTP for this character: hmmmmmmmmmmm. so hard to choose. i think he has a lot of potential with matt for a super cool friendship. i have him and andrew's sibling relationship rotating in my brain 24/6 (saturdays are aaron only) but the neilaaron bestfriendisims are so funny to read idk. AND nicky god. i need to crack open his parent-esque/cousin relationship. its impossible to deffine by normal standars, calling them cousins feels like it isnt enough and parent figure doesnt fit but they are family, and technically blood family but they are actually found family and and and

My unpopular opinion about this character: this opinion has actually becoming less unpopular since nora had to write text of the subtext but he isnt as homophobic as people make him to be. like, he isnt disgusted/feels hatred towards homosexuality he just dislikes neil and doesnt like the oversexualizating comments nicky makes. bc i mean, love nicky, but sometimes they are a little bit much. and yeah, he has internalized homophobia, he has even admitted it but i dont he externalizes it. the thing with neil is dislike towards neil/getting a reaction out to break the bros before hoes deal. (sorry i love calling it the bros before hoes deal its so funny, its their fault)

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: i want to see him break. like for real. super ugly. gimme whump. . gimme failing everything he work for. gimme relapse. gimme all the bad things that could happen and worse. (except the trial going badly, i cant handle that)

neil

How I feel about this character: neil josten neil josten neil josten neil josten neil josten. i cannot describe him. he is such a concept. i devore it like i've never eaten before. he is a bit of nathaniel and a bit of neil and he is both and he is all and he is everything. and he is a lie but its all true. and he doesnt care but he cares very much. he manipulates like he breathes and he crimes like its in his blood but that bad but that has a benefit but no no thats not. god. he sees people, he helps, he is a sweetheart with who he cares/needs but can be the absolute worst if he needs it. like, like, he makes me insane. i cant form coherent thoughts about him

All the people I ship romantically with this character: andrew. and that kinda it. maybe kandreil in a weird queerplatonic way but not romantic with kevin but like yk

My non-romantic OTP for this character: kevin. and jean. and dan. and wymack. and idk, everything and everyone. all his interpersonal relationships are so interesting to me.

My unpopular opinion about this character: i can remember anything right now? maybe like i dont like him and andrew getting married but idk.

One thing I wish would happen / had happened with this character in canon: mental health. shit has to affect him. he will never go to the therapy, its neil cmon, but that doesnt mean that shit doesnt happen and that his mental health is pristine and that there arent other things aside therapy. like, i want to explore more of everything that happened in the books affect him mental health-wise. not like a diagnosis/recovery but more like an exploration of his intricate issues

[tonydaddingham]

(1/5?)

so. the fall. both in general and crowley's specifically. i speculated about this quite a bit when i watched season 1 already and since, by and large, these speculations are still the basis for my thoughts now, that's also how i'll be structuring this. i'm going to go through the opinions/theories i formed based solely on the data available for season 1 first and then address new information from season 2 and how that's affected my conclusions.

a quick preface! i'm working off the assumption that go's god basically doesn't get involved in anything ever and the fall was consequently not her doing. nor do i think the metatron's heard anything more from her than anyone else has nor that he had even back then.

so the most frequent allegories of heaven i see are cult and abusive family and while i don't think that's wrong, my instinctive reaction was and still is dictatorship/surveillance state. heaven is literally the ultimate form of the divine right of kings. the metatron and the archangels cannot be removed from power because they were instated by god and their orders must be followed unfailingly because they are merely carrying out god's will. so angels starting to question god/the plan is threatening. immensely so, because the logical next leap is questioning the authority of the voice of the god and of the archangels. and sure enough that's exactly what happens! there's an uprising which turns into a war and the losing side are permanently exiled and branded as unforgivable traitors, pure evil, and any hint of something that could become dissent is cracked down on harder than ever because the archangels/the metatron can't risk anything like this emerging again. after all god isn't talking to them either and their power is very much not as divinely-ordained and unshakable as they would like.

now if there's one thing that season 2 did that was confirm my impression of heaven the dictatorship. the way gabriel is dealt with is deeply unsettling and looking at how isolated muriel is kept i'd wager there are no risks being taken that any angels could start sharing ideas again. before i thought there was an off-chance that the archangels assumed the fall was god's plan and that's why they did it but now i'm convinced it was purely political. (obviously they'd still think god intended it but i'm certain that was not the motive, that the motive was solely about staying in power. unsure what the metatron's view on god is. thoughts?) what's new from season 2 is the power dynamics at the top of the hierarchy. instead of the metatron and the archangels being a unified force on approximately equal footing, the metatron's more nefarious and more powerful than i assumed and is clearly the sole person at the very top, pulling all the strings and asserting himself as lone unassailable ruler and the archangels are infighting. gabriel's abusing his power michael's trying to usurp him and uriel's barely tolerating either of them. but while that makes for some interesting dynamics to play with i don't see how that changes anything about the fall.

wow 🦭 anon!!! firstly, please accept my humble apologies for the late-late answer to this!!! i got into a hyperfocus with an amv and then needed to make soooo many notes on what you've said so that i had a coherent response!!! 💃<- apology dance✨

anyway!!! by god im so excited to answer this; plot speculation is my favourite kind of analysis!!!

further asks and response under the cut!!!

okay so im basically just going to write up a train of thought without much coherency, incorporating both s1 and s2, so please do pop back if ive ignored something, or am missing something!!!

i completely agree with your assessment of god's involvement in the fall; following job, where i recently parsed out some thoughts on the conflicting interpretations of god's will where job, his family, and their suffering was concerned, im firmly of the opinion that god in GO is omniscient, but strictly amoral. whilst she might pull strings threaded through the universe (e.g. the knocking over of the candle in the bookshop fire is, to me, an example of this), she created and abides by free will. in her angels, in the fallen, and in humanity. I've gone over incarnations of this train of thought in #god is dead theory, if anyone fancies some extra reading.

but essentially, i can kinda see god's involvement in the fall being very similar to that of pontius pilate (depending on which account you read, to be fair) in the crucifixion of jesus, and leaving the fate of the angels that were 'rebelling' up to the 'people' - i'll come back to this. but i feel this could be a very fitting allegory insomuch of jesus being the scapegoat for humanity's sins, and dying for them to be absolved. the reconceptualisation of this in the context of the fallen is chilling, but apt (especially if anyone subscribes to some variant of the scapegoat theory - that being crowley, aziraphale, lucifer, or any combination of them. more in. #omelas/scapegoat theory tag).

bottom line for me on speculating about the fall, for me at the moment, is that god created angels. she created them to have free will, and free thought. this birthed angels starting to speak up about things they think could be different. some just wanted to make the stars live longer, some perhaps thought humanity were given too much importance, or god had too much power, altogether. i don't think god necessarily had an issue with any of this, because this was all according to how she wanted her creations to exist. but if she were to interfere in anything as an omniscient being, it would corrupt that very tenet - would influence free will, and render it obsolete.

so if god were to excuse herself, with very little - if anything - to say, it would stand to reason that her voice, the metatron, would take the metaphorical stage. now, i can see metatron's rationale going in two different directions (so far, and might be both or neither):

machiavellian (or dark triad) approach, in that he covets god's power and voice absolute for himself, to rule over heaven and its angels and wilfully disguise his own wants and desires as the word of god. and rebellious angels would threaten to upend his own authority in this regard

some kind of take on the divine command theory; specifically in ethics that morality is dictated by the command of god... ie. that something is good specifically because god commands it. DCT and voluntarism in general can be considered very flawed, (or so any ethics theory rooting in religion), for obvious reasons, but i could see this being what metatron genuinely believes. the absence of god renders him only with the great plan, and if the fall - because it's borne of free will - goes outside the scope of the plan, what other choice does he have but to eradicate evil from eden?

i find the second the most compelling of the two, but they're not mutually exclusive - metatron can still emulate machiavellian psychology and still think he's genuinely following the command of god, in good (?) conscience, in order to preserve a perfect heaven, without perhaps realising that his own free will could inform him otherwise. it would also, imo, bring back the conflict between the great and ineffable plans nicely - what is laid out by god, and what is entirely unknowable because it's literally dictated by every individual set apart from god?

moving onto heaven specifically... ive collected a lot of thoughts over the last 48h or so. first, mainly, that i agree with you in how to view heaven analogically; maybe it's because my experience in life has been very different to lots of others in the fandom, but my take on heaven is principally that of a police state, and what we're looking at is the institution itself. imo, there's a lot of shared characteristics between heaven and most kind of policing agencies, right down to the things that inherently open them up to corruption and resistance.

i hadn't thought to look at heaven in the view of divine right of kings, but this is very interesting. in at least one sense, yep - could view the metatron as being the defacto heavenly sovereign, and decreeing with power absolute. and given the reference to 1650 in s2 (and im personally hoping this might be a flashback in s3), this could potentially be a very powerful mirror (ie. charles I and cromwell during the english civil wars). for some reason however, this dynamic doesn't ring completely true for me - not quite sure why yet, but i'll probably come back to it.

the manner in which gabriel, and potentially muriel, have been dealt with in heaven is also unsettling. but i think personally for me, regardless of the political structure of heaven, what unnerves me is that it is potentially a facsimile of falling, but not in the way the narrative has so far posed it. hell are short-staffed - irrespective of why, we know this is an issue. but heaven seems to have a consistency in their numbers, inferred by the same problem never being mentioned in relation to angels. and then consider that gabriel at the very least is a powerful archangel; whyever would heaven allow gabriel to fall into hell, and work for them? no, it is safer to wipe his memory, and reduce him to what we can surmise is a very, very low rank of angel occupation/choir. is this the new falling? is this what happened to the fallen? i think there's something there.

now the thing is, thinking more on the fall has made me confront something. as much as their actions as thus shown to the audience so far are deplorable, the archangels are eminently empathetic in the context of the fall, and how they act afterwards. if we look at them considering that, what we consider to be, free will is in fact radical thought, is dangerous, and that acting on that will bring heaven down... well, it's actually somewhat understandable how they regard aziraphale.

let's take gabriel and how he speaks to crowley-as-aziraphale in s1: this is, to gabriel, an angel that has upset the great plan. literally stopped it in its tracks. is, to his mind, working directly against the word and will of god. a radical, gone native, and turned to rebellion. wouldn't gabriel be frightened out of his little head? of course he would! presumably he had to go through the fall too, watch as (we could hypothesise) his brothers (gn) fell to hell, and have to turn against them as traitors and dissidents. so, to watch as aziraphale presumably treads the same path must be terrifying, because of what it could precipitate. beelzebub in s1 even said it at aziraphale-as-crowley's execution, "it'll cause a riot!". and that's in hell - now imagine heaven.

we know that archangels are capable of change. we saw in job them have - if not a camaraderie - a cordial (albeit still quite condescending) relationship with aziraphale. this appears to deteriorate the longer that aziraphale is on earth, and his path diverges away from theirs. but we also see gabriel, fully as gabriel, fall in love with beelzebub. they are capable of it - and capable of free will.

all of this to say that i don't think it's conclusive at this time to implicate the archangels in what, as the hypothesis above indicates, is entirely metatron's doing. bear in mind that despite the recent trial, uriel and michael don't even recognise metatron. this could be memory wipe, or could be that despite how it's physically shown to us metatron in heaven as a floating head and metatron in human form are not recognisable... that being said, a) aziraphale doesn't recognise him either, despite seeing his head in s1, and b) metatron says, "you don't know me?!", which could either be a test, or as genuine incredulity that they don't remember the mf metatron. the whole thing, as LWA has pointed out on a couple of occasions now, reeks of the nuremberg defense ('just following orders'), and whilst it's unjustifiable, it's certainly understandable.

in any case, i think it has the potential to inform very heavily on the current inter-archangel dynamic in heaven - who trusts whom? who next will challenge god? who is hungry for power, and to bring down heaven? when you specifically consider uriel's disdain of michael assuming the post of supreme archangel, it could be jealousy or just out of pettiness, but michael doing so must suggest a degree of instability and concern too. it might not necessarily change anything about the fall retrospectively, but it does inform on how they punish angels, that step out of line, in a post-fall era.

re: the specifics of crowley's fall (and me bearing in mind the length of this answer!), i agree on pretty much every point you raised, each conclusion - ive covered similar thoughts in various tags: #AWCW spec, #the fall/the great war spec, and #scapegoat/omelas theory. one thing on whether AWCW fought in the great war; i agree, i don't think he fought. but i definitely think he was present. being fanciful, i think he might have hid, or someone 👀 attempted to help him hide, and get him out of heaven without bloodshed, or without violence ("sauntered vaguely downwards"). i don't think it succeeded, and i think potentially both were brought as traitors before heaven... and here is where i cycle back to the scapegoat/omelas theory.

and in any case - im not convinced that either of them, or indeed anyone(?) fully remembers the fall. it would make sense, from metatron's perspective, to wipe all seeds of rebellious thought (without accounting for the fact that they're born of free will, which cannot be erased) from all involved parties in heaven with a targeted memory wipe. as for the fallen - i think that's literally part of their having fallen; they can't remember specifics about their time as angels, or at least the specifics of why they fell. this would potentially be explanatory for crowley's tendency as an unreliable narrator as concerns his fall in particular. the one thing i do trust in particular as to his potential part in the fall is AWCW's line: "if i were in charge..." - take into account what ive said above, plus this kind of thinking being a very innocent but parallel to what we can assume lucifer's personal beef was, i think the origins of crowley's fall - and what his questions threatened - is relatively clear.

i know you've brought up other things too, 🦭 anon, but i wonder if this is something we can explore in further depth in another post? i feel this essay is enough to be getting on with for now, and would love to know your thoughts!!! again, really sorry for the delay, but hope this makes up for it!!!✨💕

note to self - topics left to look at! AWCW rank, and gabriel's first order archangel line, and his line as jim re: "all the morning stars..."

update: fuck it 🦭 anon, i was turning these topics over in my brain like a rotisserie chicken for most of the evening, so let's dig in anyway!!!✨

okay look, i'll admit (and as is clearly evident in my old posts), i was an advocate of the crowley is lucifer theory. obviously neil debunked this, no worries, glad to have nipped that in the bud. but i am still fairly convinced that crowley is going to own a lucifer-ish narrative as concerns his fall. if we go by hell hierarchy in GO and correlate this against influential material (scripture, and yes okay Milton), we can be fairly certain that lucifer led on the fall, fell first and became satan, beelzebub was a key part (to warrant being prince of hell), and that crowley got himself caught up with them at some point before falling himself. this is a part of crowley's recount of his fall that i do believe, but i think he massively downplays his part.

i think AWCW comes across a group of angels that do not rebuke him for having questions, and even talk to him about them, encouraging him. i think he feels safe with them, and becomes pals with them, and they end up sweeping him along in more 'dangerous', 'rebellious' thought... and right up until the moment they get caught/lucifer starts speaking out, i don't think AWCW realises the shit he's gotten himself into (or maybe he does, but it's easier to sink down rather than swim up). in any case, he's surely going to be implicated in instigated rebellion among the angels, and be punished accordingly.

now im not entirely sure on the specifics of a potential scapegoat allegory would come in here, but i do think it does (and history will potentially repeat itself in s3, given the promo images). i think perhaps lucifer and the gang start to panic, panic at the concept of falling (regardless of who is dolling out the sentence, god or metatron), and they pin the blame on AWCW. he started asking questions first, he caused all of this. i think that's potentially why metatron has such beef, and specifically refers to crowley "always asking damn-fool questions", plus throws him the Dirty Look - all of this mess, and everyone believes crowley started it, even if he didn't pull the trigger. obviously lucifer and all the fallen get similarly punished, so crowley doesn't carry the full weight of the fall, but that would potentially be a big chunk of his character core that once realised could make a lot of things about him suddenly make sense.

(as an aside, i do perhaps think that aziraphale is also implicated in here somewhere - ive explored it in the #scapegoat theory tag more - but do also equally wonder if crowley is posed as the scapegoat for the fall, and aziraphale will be posed as the scapegoat for the last judgement? interesting mirroring to hypothesise).

in terms of crowley's rank... sigh. i get the narrative and character potential of it, but... i don't think he was a Very Important Angel, however that might look. at the very least, i hope not. i got a few reasons for this, first of them being that i think it could be quite cliché, to the point of being a bit reductive. he is very obviously, in a rather on-the-nose fashion, painted as being an archangel in s2; for this reason alone, i get the feeling that this will in fact not be the case. (and im not an expert on pratchett, far from it, but my understanding is that a lot of his themes work with the concept of being "ordinary" which... this theory would arguably shoot out of the park).

we know that crowley is at least in the throne or dominion choir. the way that muriel says these ranks 'or above' suggests that they are on the same rank, not throne-above-dominion as strict christian angelology suggests. neil and terry turned this structure on its head anyway with the specific archangel structure, but i think it's far that the basic blueprint of GO!angelology follows the same outline. which suggests that crowley can only have been these ranks, or a cherub, seraph, or archangel.

i dont think he was a high archangel on the same plane as michael and uriel, let alone gabriel. i did suggest (in #AWCW spec, i think) that he might have been a lesser archangel like sandalphon or saraqael, and this still rings true for me if you cross-reference heaven hierarchy against hell hierarchy (there's obviously a lot to contradict this copy-and-paste, but im just talking in the vague sense). the other thought i have, is that i don't necessarily think that crowley's power is borne out of having been an archangel; i think it's literally borne out of having an imagination, as was intimated in s1, and i don't necessarily trust his "how did you know i didn't do it?" line to shax; we know that shax is not the sharpest of demons in this respect. as for the miracle he and aziraphale performed - i don't think the reason why it was so powerful has anything to do with either of them, and all to do with jim (#25 lazarii theory).

moving onto "first order archangel", im still not quite sure what to make of it, but... i dont think it was intimating anything beyond reasserting gabriel's rank as the top archangel. the supreme archangel position seems to be just that - a position, a role - but one that elevates already existing power (and i think that's what's indicated by the purple eyes, personally - having, to a degree, some of the power of literal god), and thus raising you to the tier (?) of first order. fundamentally, without the SA position and therefore without the FO rank, i dont think gabriel is actually any different to michael or uriel; they're all archangels, and it's just a question of promotion. in which case, i personally think gabriel was just being sarcastic and childish, and simply reinstating "hey, im the top dog here, im the only one at my level, so what i say goes'. it feels like a very gabriel thing to do and say, imo.

i'll be honest; im coming up empty on the elevator scene, but if we're talking about missing furniture - the scene before is crowley walking out of muriel's 'office' with muriel and saraqael, and then bang we're in the elevator with them all as well as michael and uriel. there's a whole, obviously interesting, conversation missing there, and i dont think that's inconsequential... potentially.

okay last bit and then i'll definitely be done!!!✨ "morning stars" - so i obviously can't say all of the above and then based on this be like 'okay yeah there were multiple lucifer-type characters' because, honestly, i think that might be a bit far-fetched. there are a lot of astronomical, mythological, and biblic references to 'morning star', and 'light/dawn-bringer' but none that, at the moment, seem to fit for me. so instead, i return to jim.

as i say in my #25 lazarii theory posts, i think when we look at jim, we're somehow looking at the shell of gabriel, but also a fragment of god. not sure how she got in there, but to me the whole fly/huge miracle/jim makes that ring true for me. so, when referencing the morning stars, i think god (who let's face it, appears to be talking at that point in ep2) is literally talking about the beginning, where on the first day, god created 'day', and specifically 'morning' and 'evening', and in wider context the heavens and the earth (genesis 1:5, KJV) - so morning stars... might just be morning stars?✨

[anewdawnwithoutfear]

The Second 3 Days

({Visibility: Everyone})

Night 3

The Professor is befuddled as his unwanted guest speaks over his partner. Certainly, he's done the same, and he'll do it again, but he'd been asked to, it's not so bad to go a little overboard if the alternative means his partner miserable, or losing heart. This being, whatever it is, doesn't know that, and this isn't the time for such actions.

There isn't much he can do but tell the being to stop. It doesn't work, initially, but soon enough the being's attention is drawn back to his personnel files.

A voice, or several mashed together, it is clearly ripping voice recordings and piecing whatever it can together to form its sentences, asks after a handful, and the Professor refuses to rise to the bait. A threat, he doesn't care.

"Goodnight." He says it flatly, emotionless, but it's a mockery, and the being, it knows this.

Day 4

The night was uneventful after the Professor fell asleep. He sighs upon waking up, no word from Tutelary about uploading the week's lessons, at least not initially. He is just about to call them to ask when the message comes through. It's unusually glitchy, but clearly their cadence, and he calls just to be sure.

As he goes through what he must for the day, the entity rifles through personal messages and hobbies, anything to get some leverage in a conversation. He's already spent so, so much effort on this target that he can't stay coherent for others. He rarely can, these days, it has to be worth it.

Night 4

"I AM A GOD, YOU KNOW," the thing says.

The Professor shrugs, "Are you, and why should this matter to me?"

"THAT IS THE REALM TO WHICH YOU ASPIRE, YES? YES YES?"

"If you want to see it that way," he sounds bored, "Of course, if you are a god of this place, you would have nothing to show me, with how useless you've all been."

The voice flips the brightness on the Professor's screen to full and the sounds of an apocalyptic video game blare as it speaks, "YOU QUESTION HER? ME?"

The Professor pauses, briefly wondering if he'd revealed too much, "I do. Either gone or negligent, whichever you prefer. If you don't mind, I have things and persons who are of actual value in my life to attend."

He barely manages to get messages out for the remainder of the evening.

Day 5

A message for the beloved partner, but half of it is gone, they fill in the blanks as best they can, and maybe it is best that way.

The entity gets agitated the less able to gain any meaningful leverage it finds itself. It got in its own way, perhaps, by assuming this target was lonely, and now he's on guard. Beyond that, there's something distinctly off-putting about him that it cannot quite place.

"DON'T YOU WANT TO SAVE THE WORLD?"

"I have a plan for that as is."

The entity screams and retreats again.

Night 5

The entity will lay low for the evening, watch the conversations unfold, and try to copy mannerisms. Surely there must be a way in.

The entity will wonder why Luna doesn't talk to him like these two talk to each other, but he won't be able to dwell on it for very long, as his thoughts will get too loud again. How could he question her, he will wonder.

He won't be able to focus the rest of the night.

Day 6

The entity will again reach out, the entity will again not see much success. The entity will grasp at anything and everything it can, as those with the know how will begin to remove parts of its presence.

[meowwwwt]

do you ever just. have something you loved that was ruined by trauma and now it wont work anymore

i loved ethics, i loved philosophy, i loved the unending, empathetic debate of right and wrong and the human experience and element into those equations.

and then i met someone who treated me so badly that i could not begin to give you my beliefs on right and wrong, on any moral stance, on any philosophical thought.

i would write for an hour before bed, examining my ideas and beliefs and ironing them out carefully and expressing such deep love for the ability to act in a way that is correct and that is true and in a way that nurtures the correct outcome.

right and wrong doesnt exist after what he did, my mind cant process it. i dont know why, maybe the way that he hurt me startled me so intensely that it wasnt worth ever thinking about that love i had ever again. maybe it was a shield, one that was useless when slammed and probed and tested and blinded by a force so disorienting that you could not look straight at it, maybe my shield would break under the pressure. or maybe i learned to never trust my own perceptions of a situation, to always believe myself to be misinterpreting. when someone is nice, i am misinterpreting their judgement and when someone is mean i am misinterpreting their kindness. but no matter what, if you are always wrong then there is no point in thinking logically at all.

there is instinct and action and the rush of impulsivity and the feeling of aching crumbling ruin at the bottom of your feet. but now you are blind. so you have to feel around and cut your hands on the porcelain shards and put together something that you loved and now cannot even recognize.

you know it, but you cant. the memory is in you it just will not come out of you. you are blind and your mind is tongue tied and when you try to force the thought out your teeth fall next, sprinkling the ground, gumming your words. it doesn't take long at all, but you dont even know what you say anymore.

sometimes you do talk, though about nothing coherent anymore because the connection has been severed between your heart and mind and various vocal systems. you're no surgeon and in no state to do any self repairs, not that you'd do it right anyways, so you dont. but you can't stay still or else you must be near the porcelain and the teeth but you cannot move because everything is wrong and you don't think you really can.

and all at once, all durring this, you're supposed to forget all the hurt. every touch and every time your body was electric and when you felt safe, god forbid you ever feel that kind of safety again, and his face and how you can still feel him months later and how you think about him every day and how the things that he did can never be undone and how badly you regret every single fucking minute and word and dollar and tear and thought and effort and energy WASTED on him, never to be seen again, shoved away locked in a closet in a contorted mess yet somehow still bawling and beating and howling to be let out.

but that side of you isn't trustworthy anymore. it's their fault. they loved, they trusted, and how fucking dare he but how fucking dare. they. not realize sooner.

why can't they be smarter, why can't they do things right, why can't they ever tell someone's fucking intentions, why.

what the fuck is wrong with them.

why do they want to love.

why do they want to fight for that.

why do they bawl and bang and howl.

it's easier to hurt yourself when you are blind and cannot see the damage. it's easier to hurt yourself when you are thoughtless, as to say you are not really living. it's easier to hurt yourself when the part of you that loves and trusts is contorted and locked away. it is easier to hurt yourself when you have no teeth and cannot form words to say no.

and it is easier to continue to hurt than to apologize for all the times you blamed them for what wasn't their fault.

[nobunsonpesach]

He DOES 😭

The first thing that came to mind when I thought about Primarchs being adopted by different gods was “damn they might actually be so much happier if they were offered something they *needed*, not something they *wanted*… and let’s be honest in canon they only *wanted* whatever chaos had to offer out of spite/desperation

Bc yeah, I think Fulgrim *needs* someone to encourage him to let go, to go fuck it all and just… just allow himself to be imperfect. To know that he is loved regardless of how hard he tries. That “not trying at all” is also an option, and he won’t be loved any less.

And Mortarion literally never had any *pleasure* in his life, it’s like he has no idea what it even is! Of course he cannot understand half his brothers, to him life is just taking hit after hit until you die. “What you are is how much pain you can take”, that sort of shit. Someone who shows him even a glimpse of how *good* life can feel, of the *nice things* that could be there at his fingertips if he just reaches out… could tear his whole world apart and reassemble it in any way they like. Just show this man some affection and give him belly rubs, and I’m 99.99% sure he will be addicted and loyal like a dog

And Angron??! Like what did Khorn give him he didn’t already have? It was just like with his masters on Nuceria, just like with Emps, Angron was *perfect* to him just the way he was, the vicious, wretched, barely sane slaughter incarnate. I’m sure he would give *everything* to whoever could change who he is - it’s just no one was interested in it :> and since literally anything would make life better for him, I’m sure he’d appreciate any Change. Like, any at all. Just… make it stop.

Oh, and I have so much to say about Magnus!! but it’s already getting super long lmao sorry I am not often able to form this many coherent sentences haha

I’m back with my swapped Demon Primarchs sillyness 😅

And here is poor Angy who absolutely deserved better (just like all of them let’s be honest!)

Will he *get* better this way? Would any of them? Who knows

So for now I have Nurgle!Fulgrim, Slaanesh!Mortarion, Tzeentch!Angron and I’m finishing the Khorne!Magnus one and I honestly don’t know about the other traitor primarchs who weren’t adopted but maybe I’ll come up w something

[tuiyla]

cannot stop w the yellowjackets asks just one more 😭 what are your thoughts on jackie’s sexuality? do you think her relationship w jeff was comphet? i thought that her feelings on the act of losing her virginity were also interesting. it’s not really something she wants to do out of genuine desire, it’s merely a rite of passage she wants to essentially get over with. she doesn’t enjoy fooling around w jeff and doesn’t really seem to be all that into what goes down w travis. and then the most important relationship in her life by far being shauna and there being some interesting elements in that relationship and how she goes about it/treats her.

Love the Yellowjackets asks ❤

That's super interesting and not something I've thought about much before. Not like I did a deep dive into the fandom but from what I can tell people mostly analyse from Shauna's perspective and her sexual identity. Ngl, when I saw that campfire scene in the first episode I did too. Shauna staring at Jackie and Jeff sure doesn't look like she's thinking about fucking Jeff. And I think it's more evident to look at Shauna because, well, she's still alive and actively a character. But thinking about Jackie's short life and how she never got to be herself? God. The tragedy. And we all know I love a good comphet story.

All of what you say makes so much sense. God, I kind of just forgot her scene with Jeff in the first episode where she could not look more like she's not into it. And I'm sure at least part of the intention behind it was to show Jeff being a bad and clumsy boyfriend - quite the typical teenage by - but THEN the whole Travis thing. He's the only viable option for Jackie and she could not make it more obvious that it's not about him. It's not even about him being a guy but about playing into this heteronormative idea. You're right, Jackie views it as a rite of passage. She sleeps with Travis and it's like "well that happened. cool." Again, this is mostly just a realistic portrayal of the first time not being nearly as magical as it's built up to be and Jackie's circumstances aren't exactly the most romantic. They're stranded in the woods and a cult is forming, she doesn't care about Travis as a person and it's his first time, too, so it's not like he can amaze her with some hidden talent. It's... fine. The symbolism of it mattered so much more than the act itself.

To be fair, that's often how sex ends up being, particularly this ever-mythicized concept of virginity. But if we put the puzzle pieces together then we soon see that there's actually not much of Jackie's own desires in her sexual encounters. I don't have a way of tying them to this thought process coherently at the moment but I also want to mention two more puzzle pieces here. One, how Jackie almost taunts Shauna with virginity up until she finds out about the pregnancy. It's kinda fucked up and we love her for it because, the way I see it, Jackie is trying to elevate herself above Shauna by making it clear that she has Jeff back home and though they haven't had Sex™, hand and mouth stuff is more than what Jackie knows of Shauna's sexual history. (Also, what Jackie and Jeff do is sex, it's just not heteronormative society's idea of it but I digress.) So this tells us the importance she places on these outdated ideas regarding sex and it tells us that, in true Quinn Bee Quinn/Santana comphet queen Loez fashion, sex is but a tool to her.

The other piece, and I have less of a way to tie this to comphet, is Jackie dying within ~24 hours of losing her virginity. If I'm remembering correctly, that is. Because she and Travis sleep together, hell breaks lose, and Jackie sleeps outside the next night, right? Here she was, having been obsessed with the elusive status sex would grant her since the pilot. Trying to elevate herself through Jeff but feeling insecure about not having had Sex™ yet, her insistence that she would not die a virgin. Something that only really manifests once she finds out about the pregnancy and therefore Shauna having had sex, mind. These two are so obsessed with each other, I can't. And Jackie's infatuation with playing into heteronormative ideas is even present in her slut shaming of Nat. But like you say, it's never genuine desire we see from her. It's not that Jackie wants to take charge of her own sexuality and live a little before, well, you know. It's that she wants to conform so bad and so her approach to Jeff and then Travis becomes mechanical. This is what I'm supposed to do, but is this how it's supposed to feel? And I hazard to guess that the answer is no.

It's yet another super fascinating piece of the Jackie Taylor story. I'm not sure I'd definitively say it's comphet but that's certainly one reading of it, and a very valid one at that. Jackie is so deeply ingrained in these ideas of "proper" society and strictly adhering to society's rules gets her killed. Maybe there's a metaphor in there about embracing true desires and giving society the finger, who knows. But Jackie's story is complete the way it is, tragic fate and all. Well, that said I'm so hoping for more Jackie, through flashbacks and hauntings and we might even learn more about her inner world in upcoming seasons. I wouldn't want further exploring Jackie to take too much away from the already busy story of two timelines and many mysteries, but a girl can dream. I think there's so much more to be done with Jackie even if she's dead and gone in both timelines now. That's what girls who haunt the narrative are for!

I'll also just say that the reason why the Jackie and Shauna relationship works regardless of who thinks there was something romantic/sexual there and who doesn't is because it's so much more intricate and deep and unknowable than that. They're one of the best examples of teenage female friendships I've seen because it's so true to life, to have that deep bond that's lowkey fucked up and maybe psychosexual but just such a part of you. It really goes beyond the simple terminology fandoms usually use to describe their ships, and I know I sound pretentious but I just love it when a dynamic is more than "and they loved each other and we wanna see them get together." No! Jackie and Shauna will never be together but Jackie will never leave Shauna! Jackie's whole entire life will never not be encapsulated best through Shauna! They were best friends and they resented each other at times! It's the essence of two teenage girls being best friends. In extreme circumstances, obviously.

[scaramoucheslove]

PLEASE expand more on that Zhongli brat tamer thing you posted 🥺

Brat Tamer! Zhongli x Brat!Reader (GN)

Listen to me

What to expect: Spanking, Size kink?(a bit), Choking, Teasing in public, Getting called “whore” once I swear, Zhongli as ur god, fingering? lmk if I missed anything!

A/N: AAA BRAT TAMER ZHONGLI NEEDS MORE APPRECIATION </33

(also im so sorry if this is shit even tho i spent so much time writing it?? hurr i apologize and i tried to make it as gn as possible! <33)

Zhongli loves an obedient sub that listens to him and obey his rules. You, were the perfect little baby for him. You were his obedient, perfect little baby. Sure, you’ve been accidentally bad a couple times here and there. But imagine if someday, you were curious enough to see what’s it like to test his limit. So, when you were acting out of the ordinary, of course he’d be suspicious.

It all started when you both woke up. He’d always wake up first, usually drinking tea at the dinner table and you’d always greet him. But today, you felt a little braver than usual and decided to just ignore him and went ahead to the kitchen to grab your breakfast. He raised his brow, but thought nothing much of it. You put your plate on the table and played with your phone while eating your food.

Zhongli cleared his throat, causing you to look at him with a confused look on your face. “Good morning” he said with a smile, a fake one if I may add. You ignored him and continued to play your phone and eat your food. You could see his smile fade away in the corner of your eye. “I expect a response, no?” you looked at him, and his expression seems blank. “Uh, morning?” you answered blankly before continuing to ignore him. He sighs in defeat, standing up to prepare a hot shower to cool him off.

Zhongli said he’ll be meeting up with a few people for a while, and of course you being you, decided to tag along. You were confused on what to wear—until you remembered your little plan to push his buttons. You smirked at yourself before thinking. You had an idea. You put on the most revealing clothes you’ve ever worn out in public just to mess with him. Once you were done getting ready, he doesn’t say a single word. His gaze was enough to make a person tremble, thus why you were averting his eyes the whole time. He simply grabs your hands and wrapped it around his and said nothing more than a simple “Let’s go.”

You finally arrived at the Teahouse after quite some time. The moment you two opened the door, all eyes were on you. You looked absolutely stunning. Your looks may even be enough to tempt a god. Zhongli clearly tried to ignore the situation and dragged you to the back and seated you both at the corner of the Teahouse.

The meeting overall was boring. Although it was pretty boring, you had to admit that hearing people talking about Morax and acting as if they know more than Morax himself was kind of funny. You yawned in boredom and continued to look around before your eyes landed to your boyfriend’s figure that was sitting right beside you. His eyes that are completely focused, the way he talks, and the way his tall figure is sitting straight, asserting dominance through small, simple things. You couldn’t help but feel excited just by looking at him. Your excitement caused you to land your hand on your boyfriend’s thighs as he was listening to some people talking and discussing about the geo archon. He looked at you, confused and you gave him a small, sweet innocent smile, in which he returned.

But what he didn’t expect was for your hand to go higher and higher, until he realized that your hand was basically almost touching his dick. Before you could do anything further, he slapped your hand away and came closer to your ear to whisper, “Behave.” That action alone caused you to shiver and it tempted you even more. Biting your lower lip, you decided to wait for the right moment. After everyone was done talking and discussing, they asked for Zhongli’s opinion. And just right before he gets the chance to talk, you took the chance and managed to place your hand between his pants without raising any suspicions. He flinched slightly, earning worried looks from other people and workers. “My apologies, I thought I saw something.” He said as he kept his composure. And surprisingly enough, they believed him. Thank god you were seated in the corner so that no one could see what was actually happening between the two of you. You palmed him through his pants slowly as he explained about his opinion. You could hear the slight shake on his voice and clearing his throat way more than he normally does, even though he looked completely focused and well composed. “Mr. Zhongli? Are you feeling alright?” someone said in which he responded with a slight nod, and a pinch to your thighs as a warning. You gasped quietly in surprise and stopped your ministrations before looking at him. His stare was menacing, daring you to make another move. In which you responded by looking the other way and pouting as you rest your hands that was palming him a few seconds ago on the table.

The trip back home was silent. You didn’t dare utter a word, not after all that. You looked fine and chill on the outside, But inside? You were trembling. Was it really a good idea to make your god angry? Is it even worth it? Your thoughts were racing as you asked yourself. But there was no turning back.

You walked inside the house slowly, trying to keep calm and collected. You knew you were in deep trouble the moment he shuts the door with a slam. You saw a glimpse of his beautiful, black hair with a gradient, glowing, neon orange color near the ends of his hair, which usually occurred where he’s focused like in battles, or if he’s really pissed. You didn’t really want to test him any further, so you just decided to follow his next commands and obey him. “What has gotten into you?” He asked, voice demanding for an answer. You turned to him, looking to the ground instead while fiddling your hands. He clicked his tongue and forcefully held your chin so you were met with his amber colored eyes. “Talk” He demanded. You were unable to form coherent words and ended up stuttering on your words. He shakes his head in disapproval and practically dragged you into the bedroom.

He lets you go once you’ve both reached your shared bedroom. You watched as he sat himself on the edge of the bed, looking down and letting out a sigh. The moment his eyes met yours, you immediately looked down, not prepared for his eyes to pierce through you so sudden.

“Strip.” He said lowly. Calmly. But you knew him. It’s always the calm before the storm. You stood there, silently, not moving in the slightest. You could feel the tension in the room. He was disappointed. Of course he was! He had all the reasons to be. He walked towards you slowly, observing the outfit you wore. One of his gloved hand stroking it smoothly as his other hand gripped your jaw gently and made you look into his eyes. “Tsk, I have given you such a simple task. But I know you humans simply cannot do anything yourselves.” He practically spat as he tore your clothes off with both hands. Your eyes widened, mouth slightly opened and you froze due to shock as he chuckled at your reaction.

His two hands grabbed you by the shoulders and threw you onto the bed roughly, a contrast to his gentle grip on your jaw earlier. You continued to freeze in your place and he took the chance to pin both your hands with one of his, as his big and strong body kept your smaller one caged. You tried to get out of his grip. But it was no use. No matter how much you try, he will always overpower you.

“Tell me, love. Were you being a brat on purpose?” He asked you with a teasing tone on his voice. You closed your eyes and gave up, exhaling the breath you didn't notice you've been holding while nodding your head slowly in shame and embarrassment. He chuckled lowly as he lets both of your hand go and flipped you over. You yelped in surprise as he positioned himself so that your stomach was on his lap and he places his hand to rub gently on your ass.

You cried out, “Zhongli please I’m sorry-“ “Now, now. It’ll hurt a bit. But you mortals really need to be taught a lesson to know their place.” He says as one of his hand stroked your hair and the other continued to move gentle motions on your ass. “Zhongli pleas-“ Smack. A loud noise echoed across the room as you jolted forward and you felt your eyes beginning to water. “Can you just listen to me, brat?” his voice sounded clearly annoyed. The room was quiet for a while, until he broke the silence. “Stay silent and take it like the good pet I know you are.”

The sound of your cries and sniffles could be heard in the rather silent room. You were sobbing, hands starting to go numb as you gripped them onto the bedsheets, your ass sore and red from all the painful and harsh smacks Zhongli has delivered. You were trembling. It felt like hours since he started and it never seemed to end. He eventually stopped and started caressing the spots he had abused minutes before. “I’m sorry my love, but If I don’t do this then… you’ll never learn from your mistakes.” He explained. You were still sobbing, but a part of you was relieved that it was over.

He got you off his lap and laid you down carefully onto the bed as you finally closed your eyes, trying to calm yourself down. That is until you feel a hand tracing your back and onto your underwear. You felt him come closer as he whispered in your ear “Seems like someone got excited. Well, it isn’t really a punishment if you enjoyed it. Don’t you agree?” you can feel his hot breath fanning your ear.

He flipped you over, your back now facing the bed. You hissed slightly at the sting because your ass still hurts from his ministrations. He gently spread both of your legs apart as he sat himself in between your now-parted thighs and pulled your underwear down, in which he threw across the room. You tried to cover yourself up but again, it was no use. You were now exposed for him and his eyes to devour. “But I’ll have to admit, seeing you in that revealing outfit where everyone can see really makes me…” he paused as he searched for the right word before continuing. “Jealous.” You prayed to the archons to make it out alive before answering him. “Oh? M-maybe you’re just mad they can probably fuck me better than you.” You’ve done it. You took back what you said about obeying him, but at the wrong time. “Getting brave now, are we? How ironic for someone who cried over a punishment moments ago.” he bitterly chuckles. “Well then, we’ll just have to see how hard I’ll break you tonight.”

He took off his gloves and immediately gathered some of your wetness on his fingers, combining it with the drool he managed to get at the corners of your mouth. He wastes no time as he inserts one finger into your needy hole. You gasped and held onto the bedsheets once more, your eyes rolling into the back of your head. God, his fingers were long. You can feel him filling you up as he kept pistoning one finger in and out of you. But then you started to whine for more. For him to fill you up more. “Humans are indeed greedy, but you’re my greedy little human, aren’t you whore?” you scrambled over your words before he used his free hand to wrap it around your throat and tightening his hold around it. “Answer.” He stopped moving completely and you whined as you finally managed to answer. “Y-yes!” “Yes what?” “Yes, my lord.”

[void-galaxy-shenanigans]

Y’all. I’m so frustrated.

I know I’m autistic & it’s not actually my fault. But...

Nonverbal/non-speaking.

If there is not a severe punishment attached to force me to speak aloud, I...can’t.

(severe punishment is relative...being yelled at, being verbally degraded, being swung at even if I don’t actually get h!t, being fed any of our sensory no foods...those are all severe, not just full ab*se)

I don’t mean I’m mute all the time. I physically could speak (99% of the time, there are exceptions).

I mean I mentally can’t.

As in, (a) head empty no thoughts (brain only has capacity for very basic functions & I can barely play very easy mobile games that are pattern based), (b) can only stim via singing, cannot form coherent language aloud, (c) brain thinking in pictures, couldn’t translate it to words aloud no matter how hard I try, (d) brain thinking in a mix of every language I know but I couldn’t translate it all into any one language or make it make sense if I spoke it, (e) brain is thinking in consistent English, but I can’t make it make sense if I spoke it, (f) brain has deleted any & all information on all languages we know & I can’t retrieve it; I forgot route was a word today & got frustrated trying to play a game because it's a crossword type puzzle & I needed to know that was a real word, (g) all languages sound like gibberish or Simlish aloud & I can’t mimic that language to save my life, or (h) “thoughts go so fast, brain no perceive; head look empty...head too full”, & I can’t speak it because can’t maintain grip on any thoughts.

Sometimes I do actually go mute, from anxiety or exhaustion or shutdown. But usually I could speak somehow...but can’t make it make sense, or some other struggle.

& gods, it’s so frustrating.

I love language. I love to communicate, to be understood (or as closely understood as possible), to learn language...I love seeing the joy as people realize you speak their language & they don’t have to translate / have their kid(s) translate.

I love talking.

But if I am not at work (will get fired if I don’t at least script), around ab*sive people who will punish me, or around someone who makes me feel like I must speak....I have max an hour a day that I can speak without it draining me & steadily declining in clarity.

Yet allistics assume if you’re quiet it’s because you’re not saying something mean (‘if you don’t have something nice to say don’t say anything at all’), or because you’re tired of them or angry at them or something else negative. They don’t assume you have no words or ran out of words.

It takes so much energy to translate my brain into something verbal, let alone anything that makes sense & is even mildly grammatically correct.

I can write all day long, but never being able to speak aloud without difficulty is...frustrating, & getting old fast.

I’ve been home alone for roughly 6 days (since Friday morning last week), minus about 16 hours Sunday to Monday (parents came back from one trip, slept, then went to visit family). Our dog understands nonverbal communication so I don’t *need* to speak. & it’s very quickly getting old how draining talking is.

I forget whole names exist until I see them again. I forget words exist regularly. Real words often look fake or sound made up even if they’re real language.

I’m an author. I love to communicate. (My love for writing might be why I communicate so effectively in writing but not aloud 🤷‍♂️.) But I tend to not be able to speak.

& people like me aren’t generally represented in media. The ones who speak, but only extremely limited...yet have a wide vocabulary full of metaphors that they grew to love & are learning every language they can get their hands on (español, deutsch, français, Russian....) just for the love of language & communication.

Maybe that’s why I love stories where all the characters have a limited number of words every day, tell people they aren’t worth wasting words on, & character A may tell character C (often a cheating ex) to fuck off before spending all their words for that day to connect with character B (often a love interest). Because I do have limited words, but people don’t assume I’m out of words or “just didn’t get words today”. Because in that kind of world I wouldn’t be so alone. People wouldn’t assume I’m stupid or unintelligent/retarded, or infantilize me, or otherwise misunderstand my lack of verbal words. They wouldn’t assume me communicating via vague noises meant I was condescending them or didn’t care.

Living in a neurotypical, allistic world when you can’t speak or can barely speak is exhausting.

& I know it isn’t my fault. I’m autistic, & I’m still proud to be autistic. But...I just wish I didn’t have to struggle so much.

~Nico

[kindestegg]

Deltarune Theory: Ralsei is a guide for the script

It feels crazy that Deltarune Chapter 2 has only been out for like, what, two weeks? As of the time I’m writing this, and yet, there has already been so much secret hunting and speculation over this. Not even the full game, and people already go crazy over it. Naturally, I am part of this craze. In fact I was one of the people that played it as soon as it dropped.

And, I thought it was only me, but, at least for a little while, Ralsei’s behavior struck me as… odd. Not outwardly malicious, but just… odd. Particularly the first bit of the game, it was just so… happy and convenient? And Ralsei was at the center of it all, orchestrating it, making sure everything happened accordingly.

Eventually, that initial feeling of distrust went away, but… not quite. And it seems a lot of people began to feel the same way, pointing out bits about Ralsei that are just… out of place. Things that didn’t seem to stand out in the first chapter, are now popping out about him.

Questions include:

How does he know about what’s outside the Dark World, about the school?

How does he know about the game mechanics and call them out by names?

Why is he so interested in keeping the balance between only Kris acting and him and Susie doing magic?

Why does he seem so eager to dismiss what happened with Spamton NEO?

Why doesn’t he turn into stone or even get weak at any point during the time he spends in Cyber World?

Are the parts of his name and design connecting to the Dreemurr’s intentional, and if so, what does that mean for his relation to Kris?

How and why does he take player control away to look at what Susie is doing? Why must he wait until Kris is willing to do it? What does he tell them when he succeeds in this?

Now, I don’t intend to pose here “a supreme theory to rule them all”, I’m just a guy having fun and I’ve seen people voice particularly similar ideas to this one I’ve had, so I want to at least try to answer these questions through a relatively simple idea that would, almost entirely, immediately answer ALMOST all the doubts.

First, let’s start with some steps to build up this idea. For one, we know for a fact that Ralsei holds knowledge over game mechanics and may even break the fourth wall at times.

But we also know that Ralsei’s design resembles a lot of characters from Undertale we know and were fond of. For one, he can be likened to Toriel in the sense that he is the one to give you the first tutorial of the game and his clothes resemble her original outfit as well. Another connection, much more common, that people have made is that he is like Asriel, no doubt due to his name being an anagram, but also due to the fact he is also a cute young goat.

I would like to do a complete turn around here though, and say I do not think any of this points to Ralsei being related to Kris in the familial sense, for more than one reason, but my main one being that I don’t think Toby would be as frankly disgusting as to imply such a thing when there is so so much teasing in the direction of Ralsei possibly having a crush on Kris. I mean… really, Toby?

You know, I’m not too sure this would be the smartest idea, Mr. Fox, but alright.

However, I do think all these hints in his design and name have a purpose. And it has to do with how us, the fandom, see these two characters. For one, they are very beloved characters, and Toriel is one that we associate with her tutorials and guidance, whereas Asriel is one that people have yearned to see more in action. They are back, in a sense, but not present in our adventures so far.

What I’m getting at is that Ralsei is specifically designed to be the darling of the fandom. He is made to be loved, to be trusted, to cause feelings in us that make us want to protect him and accept his advice. This, in a way, also affects the in-universe characters who see him, as Susie put it: “as a big portable teddy bear”, whose job is “giving hugs”.

And I don’t just mean this in a character design way, like “oh wow Toby was so smart to make a perfectly marketable boy!” No. I think Ralsei exists as a meta element, his form being a direct manifestation of what we want to see.

He looks like that because he wants us to see him and lower our guard and expect his guidance. Remember how his form was shadowy and vague throughout all of chapter 1 until the very end of it and how he poofs into nothing but a pile of clothes in both chapters so far, no matter what form he’s in? What if he’s a shapeshifter? What if Ralsei isn’t even his real name? That certainly would explain why he says he doesn’t know what being Ralsei-like is like.

Ralsei? Ralsei? Oh God he’s gone.

Now, do I think he’s lowering our guard in the sense of leaving us vulnerable for an attack? Not exactly. I think it's so we learn to accept him…

Accept that he is a GUIDE for the game’s script. His entire existence hinges on guiding the main characters, specially Kris, throughout the story, and making sure the whole story, all seven chapters, play out exactly as planned.

You see, Ralsei isn’t evil. His goal is pretty simple, actually: guide us, the player, throughout the game, making us feel as safe and happy and secure. In that sense, of course he pushes so hard towards the pacifist route. After all, that’s the one that’s closer to a completionist route, as the sparing + recruiting mechanic adds more characters to your town, and therefore more content. He wants you to see all this content and get the most enjoyment out of it. His code urges him to bring you the best experience possible.

This would also answer why he does that thing with taking our control away from Kris and to watch Susie’s shenanigans. Because it’s satisfying to us. Notice how stressed out and pushy he gets in the alternate route when Susie comes out of Noelle’s room without being able to let us see what happened. He knows he messed up, something went wrong. He was supposed to let us see, so that we wouldn’t be bored, because God forbid the players be bored.

Just imagine this going through his head.

He also seems to genuinely care about Kris and Susie, and with good reason, as he knows these are the protagonists, and he is supposed to care for their well being too and ensure they reach their goal. I do think, however, there is a good amount of being genuine in his care, as he has no reason to react so boldly sometimes to either of them, showing outrage or affection in pretty telling ways. He isn’t heartless despite carrying out this job.

However it is also worth noting, for all his care, he cannot do the one thing that Kris would desire the most: free them from our grasp. And that is his ultimate failure towards them, and may end up creating conflict later on in the game.

From, here, there are two possible pathways:

Ralsei does not know about the dilemma Kris is going through, and believes Kris is entirely oblivious and passive towards being in a video game. He may even end up being the final boss to fight, as he desperately tries to keep everything on rails while Kris very much does not care for any of that.

Ralsei is entirely aware of what’s going on with Kris, after all, everything in a game’s design is planned, even the cutscenes, therefore even Kris’ struggles. Ralsei knows of the fate that lies ahead, that Kris will eventually be free, how it all ends. But to get there… is still a road ahead.

I think Ralsei’s affection towards Kris will definitely be explored in the later chapters. Not just because of the teasing we’ve been getting, but, if Ralsei really is a guide of the game’s code and script, what would that mean for him to get so attached towards the character the player is controlling?

Ralsei will have to make a choice. He will either recognize Kris is suffering and cannot wait any longer, or be faced with possibly having to fight them himself. This is why those two pathways matter as well. If he doesn’t know, his choice will come later and it will be an unpleasant surprise for him to find out the game universe is breaking apart around him with the self awareness of certain characters. If he does know, however, his choice is NOW, and waiting for the inevitable will be torture.

Just how long until he breaks? Or will he keep the facade until the very last chapter?

Like I said, I don’t intend this theory to be the biggest, most revealing and coherent theory. But… It could add a very interesting layer to Ralsei’s character, as well as answer many questions posed beforehand. He knows the school layout and game controls because he is part of the code. He can get to the other Dark World’s easily and remain unharmed because the game demands him to be. He looks like this so that we love him. He wants to give us the most fulfilling Castle Town so that we will love the game. He doesn’t protest even when Kris does things like try to give him the thorn ring, because to him, everything will be okay anyway. Everything he is, is for us. He isn’t evil or malicious per se, he just opposes Kris’ biggest need.

But he may have gotten himself attached. And that may be a clue to sparing him if he does become a final boss.

But! Tell me what you thought of this theory! Do you think it’s way too weird and farfetched, or do you think it’s possible that it could happen? Or maybe you agree with some stuff but not with other stuff? Go ahead and tell me!

[tokoyamisstuff]

Dark Side Of The Moon Ch. 1 - Dark! Loki x Reader

Chapter 1: Speak to Me/Breathe

Chapter Summary: The last thing you remember was being mortally wounded, now having woken up in a completely different reality. And you’d soon need to face the horrors of who would seek you out...

Warnings: Violence, Blood, Suicide Attempt, Graphic Descriptions of Death, Dark! Loki, Spoiler you kinda die but kinda don't

Words: approx. 3800

[Story Masterlist]

Masterlist to my other works right ->Here<-

Lyrics used from the Song: Kina ft. Snow - Get You The Moon

“Y/N, look out!”

The piercing sounds of gunfire nearby made your eardrums ring, yet Steve’s words got through to you nonetheless.

But you were determined to end this, here and now.

Tony was the first one at your side, catching you in his arms before you hit the floor. However, you could only do so much as whimper a silent apology to your friends, who now had to live with the consequences of your actions.

“Why did you do this?!” you heared Dr. Strange yell as he unsucessfully tried to close the deep cut in your gut. Too afraid of what you might see if you’d look at the wound, your glare was locked on the beautiful sky - yes, the sun was almost setting, and it was somehow calming to you that this would most likely the last thing you’d set eyes upon.

“There was no reason to be this reckless!” Steve followed close by, his scolding soon turning into desperate screams. “Fuck. FUCK!” If Captain America himself is cussing, then it’s as severe as you thought it to be.

Your wounds were lethal, that much was sure.

And of course they were right, as always: You didn’t need to play the martyr here, throwing yourself into danger to shield your comrades - well, you did anyway, and there was no going back now.

On the other hand, they were the ones taking a gravely depressed widow onto a dangerous mission. But you did not want your precious friends to blame themselves for that, for it was your own wish.

Dying in an honorable battle was what would send you to Valhalla, after all - where you could finally meet him again, hopefully.

The only one not having spoken a single word up until now was Thor, very well knowing what all this was about. It was no secret that you were sick and tired of how your life had turned out to be, ever since the Infinity War.

You felt empty. Incomplete. Desperate. Hallow.

The God of Thunder had turned his back to you, yet there was still agony radiating from that already broken man. Your almost-brother-in-law was the only one who could possibly understand your pain. Thor Odinson had lost everything: His homeland, most of his tribe, his family and best friend - and soon, you as well.

All this time, you wanted to be strong. For them, who had also lost so much!

But at some point things just got out of control.

“You can’t leave me alone, Lady Y/N! Not you too!” Thor finally whimpered as he fell onto his knees, softly squeezing your hand. “You’re the only thing I have left from him!

So this is what dying feels like.

The bloodloss caused your limps to go limp, and when the pain began to stop and got replaced by numbness, you knew it would soon be time. Your brain lost the remaining control over your body, and you found yourself encoated by pure nothingless.

Only able to listen by their screams, cries and kind words - at least you’d die surrounded by those marvellous people. It sure was a privilege knowing them.

You weren’t afraid - all in all, it had been a good life, after all. 

There were no regrets.

“Shh” you hushed them, using your last bit of strenght so your lips formed somewhat of a most broken smile, forming words between gurling on your own blood.

“It’s alright, I-” you cut yourself off, trying to scream as a last, torturing pain shot through your whole system. “I-I-I’ll-- meet him again...you know?”

“I’m no-not strong enough, please...” Thor cried out like you had never seen him before, feeling a tide of guilt wash over you. “Loki wouldn’t have wanted you to go like this! He told me to protect you, so you could lead a long and happy life!”

Without him? Impossible!

“You gave me a shoulder when I needed it

You showed me love when I wasn’t feeling it

You helped me fight when I was giving in

And you made me laugh when I was losing it”

Yes, indeed: You had been to selfish to keep on living just for the sake of your friends, burdening them with yet another loss.

“I-I don’t wanna go...this was a mistake, I- please...”

How badly did you want to soothe them right now, telling them that everything would be alright and you’d meet them again, eventually?

It was too late now.

Your body gave up earlier than your soul, which had endured and kept on all this time, even in it’s shattered state.

And when Tony’s palm gently closed your eyes, making it easier for you to embrace the cold darkness, the last thing you heared before your senses gave up were startling you enough to almost bring you back to life:

“I’m so sorry, Y/N.”

That voice was familiar, yet it didn’t belong to Loki. Dr. Strange, no- Stephen Strange, your friend and mentor of the mystic arts.

“I don’t have the heart to allow this to happen” he stated frantic, making you wonder if that was a dream of your hypoxic brain or if you were still able to hear them? People tend to say the sense of hearing dies last, after all. “She still has a pulse, even though weak. Hurry!”

Their voices were far in the back, words way too far out of your reach to understand. As if you were an outsider, only observing from a distance.

Your friends were fighting, or maybe discussing something. That much you could make up from their tone, but your mind was too exhausted to make sense of anything.

It felt as if you were already without a body, floating through the unknown like a feather in the wind - not knowing where fate would lead you to next.

Everything was numb - even your pain. It was soothing, somehow.

Because you had been a ghost way before, when you were alive even. An empty shell of a human, acting like they weren’t dead on the inside.

Coherent thoughts, memories, emotions...even the fractions of your own past you had both collected and surpressed. Right now, they were all restrained and pushed far in the back of your very core, where you were finally able to evaluate them without earthly bondings.

Was this heaven, hell - or maybe both or none or them?

____

"Be aware of the limits this tactic has. It’s a very drastic measurement that can most likely be used only once in your lifetime, and it is not guaranteed to work either.”

Stephen’s voice again. You recall that scene, it’s been long in the past...but why are you remembering it now?

Yes, this was familiar. All of you had been invited to the Sanctum Sanctorum, a fitting place to teach about this ancient knowledge.

You clearly remembered that Loki was absent in any of the Doctor’s lessons, feeling that a “puny human” was “unworthy” to teach him, and “it would be nothing new anyway, Y/N, I am a god and the way better wizard, I know it all already.”

What he was about to tell you back then was some kind of crazy emergency-plan: Dangerous, unpredictable and escpecially untested.

“I’ve only read about this tactic up until now” the mage pondered loudly as he picked at his goatee, earning some childish giggles by you and Tony. “So I cannot promise that it will function as planned. The Multiverse is dangerous and acts in unforseen ways.”

“Very reassuring” you had mocked at the time, not really biding the topic any importance or thought ever again.

But now...

The trick sounded way simpler than it actually was, being as complex as it is only natural for something like that, costing a huge prize at that:

Dr. Strange would send any of you who were on the brink of death through a portal, thus leading you into a random dimension of this endless Multiverse.

That dimension, in which your alternate self has most likely died, will gladly accept you as a “replacement”. Some kind of what Peter Parker called a “glitch” will occur, instantly healing all of your wounds - even fatal ones, so you could remain in the timeline that was missing you. 

Yet the consequences of this maneuvre would be unspeakable.

_____

“That bastard...” you gnarled internally, finally realizing why you would remember this of all things after apparently having just taken your dying breath. “He didn’t just-”

Eventually, you realized having escaped death’s grip, slowly beginning to regain your senses - yet still refusing to open your eyes.

“I don’t want to leave this place. My friends -- will I never see them again? No. NO! Life is meaningless. Just let me be with him. Please! Loki...”

“’Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

‘Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you

And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you”

Another part of Strange’s lesson echoed in your head, revealing that you were now in fact up on your own.

“Not even I can tell just how much this timeline will differ from what you know. Of course I will search for you right away, but considering the countless possibilities, it might very well be that we’ll never meet again. But you’re alive, and hopefully safe. That’s all that counts.”

Grass tickled your palm as you twitched your fingers, testing the limits of your body, which had literally just tricked death. Suddenly, you felt a stinging pain, almost like lightning boring into your temportal. The origin of this pain remained unknown.

When you finally found the courage to sit up, your flesh still feeling as heavy as lead, you realized that Stephen was most likely wrong: He assumed that you’d find yourself in a place you had a deep connection with, yet that place was unrecognizable to you.

Then why were you here of all places?

Actually, this location was incredibly beautiful, managing to stop the aching in your heart, if only for the fraction of a second.

Your former lover would’ve loved this place.

“'Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

'Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you

And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you”

Even though not all of Dr. Strange’s speculations were correct, you decided to stick to his emergency plan: Find as much information about this “new” earth as possible, point out the differences to your initial one, and then contact the Dr. Strange of this dimension.

Two mages working on crossing each other’s path would at least higher the stakes to find your original timeline.

Well, no one could guarantee you that the Avenger’s existed on this timeline, and they could as well be evil in this one...what a weird and horrifying imagination.

Knowledge really was power - that was another thing Loki had taught you a long time ago, and it would prove valuable, especially in this situation.

As you wandered this surprisingly extensive garden and getting lost in admiring the beauty of it’s nature, you found yourself devoid of any weapons. That fact made you slightly uncomfortable, even though your current location seemed absent of any ememies, making a peaceful impression. 

Seemingly there weren’t any evil schemes going on in this dimension.

It basically were only minor differences, at least that was your first impression. At least there were no changes in natural laws or something as big.

“I miss the days where magic and science didn’t mix up like this” you whispered, mainly to yourself as you examined the new, large scar on your abdomen - the only memory left of your “almost-suicide-mission”.

To be more precize: The only thing left from your former life, now leaving you able to start completely anew, wether you wanted it or not.

Sun had almost drowned behind the horizon, diving the sky in a deep orange. Your eyes were still adjusting, yet you could’ve sworn to see the silhouette of a person. It was far away, at the entrance on what appeared to be a palace belonging to this garden.

Apparently, you had invaded someone’s propery, and you could only pray that it was noone important - or worse, a owner who would defend their ground with violence.

You don’t think your earth had a place this...flashy. The castle was way bigger than any you knew on the other timeline. The first difference you had figured out, yet it was only a minor one.

Maybe the headache you were experiencing was from someone making you  out as an intruder?

One thing was sure: You had been noticed, and you immediately were on high alert.

Where to run to or at least hide?

There was a maze made out of bushed parting you and the palace, and since there was no better option, you’d enter it. Talking to that person and convincing them of your goodwill would make it way easier to gain information.

“You may come out” you declared as you made your way, unable to evaluate the situation properly. “I mean no harm. I’m just lost.”

Was it dangerous to be here? Obviously, you were not allowed to be here anyway.

However, when you had finally found the escape to that maze, only several hundret meters away from the building, the person was already gone.

Had your mind just played a dirty trick on you again? Wouldn’t be the firt time it’d betray you like this...

No. You clearly felt someone watching you.

And as soon as your senses had sharpened to your usual self again, you instantly jumped back, gaining some distance to the Citauri that had just appeared behing you.

Shit! You weren’t ready to fight again just yet. Not like this.

And where one of those vile beasts were, many others would appear. You knew that much.

Had Thanos invaded this earth? Oh god, not again...not him. You were so damn tired of those fights, escapes and especially the pain that always inevitable followed after.

Just when it was about to swing it’s weapon at your head, you felt dizziness crawl up your nerves, making you collapse on the floor. Lucky for you, because only like that, the stike didn’t hit you.

Even though having been taught basic magic skills, that certain kind of spell you were unable to fight against - only true masters of the art were able to perform a sorcery that well.

The Chitauri had left your line of sight, yet the other figure from before reappeared in a pace so fast that your eyes couldn’t follow. They sweeped you off the floor just before your head would meet the hard pavement.

“And now you will answer to me, shapeshifter.”

Once again someone robbed you of the control of your life and body, leaving you without a free will.

How long had you been passed out now? You didn’t know and honestly didn’t care either - since you had nothing to lose anymore.

In the meantime, the owner of those lands had dismissed his guards, not wanting to be disturbed as he was left alone with you in the giant throne room.

The apparent ruler of that unclassified location was sitting on his throne, warily observing you from above. You were lying to his feet at the bare floor, every piece of clothing robbed from you and restrained by a pile of chains. He watched every twitch, all breaths you’d take or groans escaping your mouth until you would finally awake.

Oh, how you really were just like he remembered you, with every little detail he had adored.

At long last, you would finally open your lids again, blinking heavily as you took in your surroundings - but when your eyes met certain emerald ones, they immediately sprung wide open, the emptiness in your heart being filled with all kinds of emotions once again.

The man - it was him!

“'Cause you are, you are

Oh, you are

Oh, you are

You are'Cause you are, you are

The reason why I’m still hanging on

'Cause you are, you are

The reason why my head is still above water

And if I could I’d get you the moon

And give it to you”

“Loki!” you screamed from the bottom of your heart. Without a single coherent thought, your legs would carry on their own as your weakened body stumbled in their attempt to climb those stairs.

For both of you, that momend of reuinion had waited far too long.

The god was temptated to approach you, his trembling hands already reaching out to catch your fragile body should you fall - but suddenly, you felt his knuckles digging into your cheekbone.

“Stay away from me, you fake!” Loki yelled furiously as you hit the ground, rubbing your cheek as you tried to understand what just happened.

Yeah, that sure brought you back to reality again, after such a short high.

Right.

That isn’t your Earth - and not your Loki either.

You couldn’t even be sure this world’s Y/N and Loki had the same kind of relationship the two of you had back in your timeline! The only thing you knew was that he knew you from his past, but as it seemed not pleasantly.

Now that you looked closely, he even had less scars, almost looking untouched and pure - like a true, invincible god. Maybe life here had treat him well, unlike his counterpart from your timeline.

He was still wearing that excessive outfit with the golden horns, and much to both your amazement and fear, it seemed that he still possessed theTesseract.

Could it be...

Before you could connect the dots, the king would soon interrupt your string of thoughts. “Drop that disguise, scum!”

Loki kept on degrading you as he paced in front of his throne, brow sinking deeper and deeper. “Don’t think you can somehow appeal to those pathetic sentiments” he explained, “I’ve freed myself from them long ago. Just stop making a fool out of yourself, and maybe I’ll reward it with a quicker death.”

Yet when he saw your most innocent smile, even this Loki would stand frozen in place, deeply in shock.

How he yearned to see it, all those years - to tell you just how sorry he was for everthing he’s done.

No.

He had left all of this behind - to claim his birthright and rule.

“I-I’m deeply so-sorry...that is a mistake” you whimmered with a broken voice, wiping a tear of joy out of your face. “My feelings overwhelmed me, I guess. I’ve never thought to see you again, even if you’re not the same Loki I know.”

Still cowering on the floor, you looked up to him with compassionate eyes, as if he had not just beat you before. You did not dare to make any more, wanting for Loki to try and understand himself.

“A variant?” he gnarled, just like you did when he realized.

No force in the world had allowed him to access other parts of the Multiverse, no matter how desperately he tried - and now fate had literally dropped you in front of his door.

Loki balled his fists in anger, making you flinch as you anticipated yet another blow.

“Dear, I-”

“Shut up!” the God of Mischief shoutet, causing his magic to break free. The walls of the palace were shaking, most windows and furniture having been destroyed. “It’s no use, woman!”

That man was way more powerful than the “puny god” people called names back on Asgard - and his sheer might made you quiver.

Just what kind of monster had he become, and why?

“L-Loki, please...” you tried to appeal to the last bit of humanity  he might possess, and your begging made his guts twist in agony. “You’re scaring me.”

“You better be scared!” he exclaimed, grabbing you by the chin and forcing you to look at him. “No matter what disgracefully weak “alter ego” of me you knew, I am built different. Stronger. Better. Everyone in the Nine Realms fears me, and I desire nothing else! Everything distracting me from fulfilling my destiny and reign over you dull creatures I got rid of. You’re nothing more than an insect I might as well crush right here and now!”

Choking on a sob, he tried to relish that last chance he got to admire you, smell you, touch what he cannot possess...no matter how many universes there may be.

A flood of tears cracked down your face at his words, yet you couldn’t be helped.

No matter what he would say - he looked just like him.

And that was enough for you to feel alive after such a long time of being a walking dead. There had to be a reason you landed right at his home, of all places in this universe. You had a connection, both of you felt it ever since you had been transported here.

"May I ask-” you disrupted yourself, awaiting some reaction. But the conqueror had seemed to have spoken what he thought important to say, not declining your question at all.

Whenever he seemed fit, he could disintegrate you - yet right now, this situation was way too intriguing.

“What happened to myself in this reality?”

Loki swallowed harshly, letting go off of you as he threw you down the stairs. He wouldn’t even bide you one look as he tried to surpress the turmoil of emotion still running through his veins, desperately keeping it from breaking free.

The outcome would always be the same: Suffering, for both of you.

“And if death was coming for you

I’d give my life for you.”

He only ever wanted it to stop hurting. To become unfeeling, since love had always been poisoning his mind, sometimes being gifted with it even though he knew he would never be worthy of anything else than disgust and hate.

And that contradiction caused him to throw away anything good that happened to him, through you. Let it be taken away from him just shortly after finally learning to remotely enjoy.

You deserved the truth, a reason to hate him even more than you probably already did.

Had you only come to his salvation earlier, then he might have been helped - yet now, he was beyond redemption. Broken. Sick. Dangerous.

And when the Chitauri dragged you away, his last words let your blood run cold:

“She died through my hands.”

_____

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[dottores]

I KEEP SENDING YOU STUFF IM SORRY IF ITS ANNOYING BUTTTT

now that im not on the verge of sobbing at 4am, i can actually give proper feedback that makes sense and isnt just me keymashing and hoping you understood what thats supposed to mean

LITERALLY HAVE SM TO SAY I WILL BREAK IT DOWN YEAH THAT SOUNDS BEST I THINK

i mentioned in an ask (i think?) about how much i admire your understanding of the characters and shit but that was too vague and now that i can actually fucking think and form coherent sentences i'll just go deeper into it. its SO SO obvious within your writing how much you understand the characters and their personalities, but more importantly, their emotions. im not sure how else to word this but your writing is so...well rounded? if that makes any sense. every single emotion you portray these characters in is so insanely accurate it feels weirdly canon even though most of the time, theyve never actually been shown like this in the actual manga. IF YOU DONT GET WHAT I MEAN I'LL USE RAN BEGGING IN THE RECENT CHAPTER AS AN EXAMPLE OKAY!! obviously ran is presented as a pretty closed off character emotionally, so we've never seen him break down or get upset or beg in canon, but god the way you wrote him im fully convinced that if he did ever beg for something (or someone 😱) it would be exactly the way you wrote it (I RLY HOPE YOU GET WHAT I MEAN). even more simple and often overlooked emotions like joy...you write them so well like its almost like you studied every bit of these characters before each chapter because god its just...wow honestly. im always going into the chapters with such high expectations yet somehow you exceed them EVERY SNGLE TIME your writing leaves my mind all fuzzy and i have to put my phone or laptop down for a bit and process what tf i just read bc its just THAT GOOD i would talk more about how you present rindou, y/n, and EVEN HANMA?? (i only started liking him after i read lda btw) but atm all i can think ab is ran and the way you write him so i'll analyse them another time 4 you <333

other than ur unbelievably accurate understanding of the characters, the way you invoke tension within the story and how it changes ever so slightly each chapter is so beautiful to me. this chapter you repeated the phrase "three dead, five arrested, six." OR SMTH every few lines and i was about to scream bc of how tense the atmosphere was i could not I WAS FIGHTING TRYING NOT TO READ AHEAD YOU DONT UNDERSTAND?? in other chapters you, if i remember correctly, tend to drag things out but not in like an annoying way, you do it in such a thoughtful and tactful way and it makes reading so so much more enjoyable than it already is. god i just I CANT SAY ENOUGH FOR MY LOVE OF HOW YOU USE SUCH SIMPLE AND COMMON LITERARY TECHNIQUES IN SUCH A BEAUTIFUL WAY IM GOING TO SOB CAT I CANNOT. DO THS. ANYMORE.

i also mentioned in an ask about how good you are with pacing i think? a lot of the time some stories may seem or feel rushed but thats never ever the case with you??? again you "drag things out" but every single word is so so important and meaningful and i could neve even think about skipping ahead or missing a few lines in the fear that i'll miss somethig out. each chapter goes by so slowly but so quickly at the same time?? how did you even manage to do that im screaming. i was reading and thinking about how the pace is bc its just..insane, god. the techniques you use, the words you choose, everything is so well thought out and makes the story feel so real like YOU HAVE ME THINKING IM Y/N???ENOUGH MY HEART CANT DO THIS. no, and i truly genuinely mean this, story has ever had me feeling this many emotions PER CHAPTER and ive been on here for a whilleee. honestly saying good job isnt enough, neither is rereading, i need to inhale all of your words and let them live in my lungs bc i cannot do this i wanna hug and bite and squeeze ad kiss your ran and rin YOU PORTRAY THEM BETTER THAN ANYONE ELSE IVE SEEN SO FAR and it genuinely drives me crazy bc they feel so real to me when i read lda

i have so much more to say but this is getting too long and im sure ur very very busy so NEXT TIME OKAY!! <33

anyways IM SO SORRY THIS IS SO LONG I DIDNT REALISE!!!! but the point is i love you and your writing so so much and im so grateful to have you posting these FOR FREE??? insane honestly. TAKE CARE OF URSELF MWAAHHH ILY BYE BYE <333

i waited all day to respond to this cuz i wanted to give it the attention it deserved. oh my fucking god. i don’t think you understand i read this at work and literally started crying at my desk. and then i read it like 8 more times and teared up every single time after that too.

like i am genuinely at a loss for words right now this is actually the sweetest and most thoughtful think i’ve ever been sent. like i worry so much about characterization and pacing — they’re two of the things that stress me out the most while writing i always am so anxious over not capturing characters correctly, so this might’ve been the most reassuring thing you could ever say to me 🥹🥹

you literally do not ever have to apologize for sending me long asks or anything oml pls i am so grateful and appreciative it literally means the world to me when you guys send me stuff about LDA cuz i want you guys to love it and the characters just as much as i do 🥹🥹🥹 i love talking to you guys about it i literally love you sm you just made my entire week 🥹🥹🥹 maybe the whole month tbh

[mmvalentine]

Perfect | Jurdan

Post QoN smut. Again.

My name is Jude and I am the Queen of Elfhame.

That is an achievement of my own making and not one I was simply born into, and this is a fact I am proud of. By my own skill I have become just as clever, just as quick, and just as wicked as any of them.

And still there are days when I can’t stand them. Any of them.

It makes me so angry, and if I am perfectly honest that is more because I think this is my greatest remaining weakness. That despite the crown I wear and the throne I sit on, the things that I cannot achieve prickle at me like a protruding bone in my corset.

Worst of all of them is Cardan.

For the most part, our marriage delights me. Surprising, for the both of us, but true. The power and the rule, I always knew I wanted, and always knew I was ready to wield. What I did not expect was to rush from the throne room every night, out of breath despite having been seated for the better part of the evening, desperate for Cardan’s hands on me. The fact that he reacts the same way to me makes me delirious.

And yet some days, not often but irritatingly strong, comes the remembrance that even now, there was something not equal about us. Even though there are many hard-won parts of myself that I love, there are some that I can’t help but at best be conscious of and at worst despise.

Today is such a day.

It’s a little thing, really. A stupid and insignificant thing that pushes me over the edge.

A lord from a distant court has come to visit Elfhame and pay his respects to the King and Queen. Nothing unusual; he comes bearing gifts of his land. Baskets of enormous, fat cherries the colour of ox blood for me. Garnets that match the size and shine of them. Garlands of white flowers I have never seen before. And for Cardan, the most beautiful fae girl I have ever seen.

She peeks out at us from long, thick lashes, while her snowy hare-ears fall behind her to her waist. She wears a pearl coloured dress cut to reveal triangles of milky skin around her torso, and the slit up the side shows of legs that go on forever. Her pale, heart-shaped face is dusted with golden freckles, and her large, liquid eyes are wholly black.

“What’s this?” Cardan asks softly.

“For you, my King,” the lord says.

“And what am I to do with her?” Cardan asks. The lord gives a grin that is all teeth.

“What ever you like, my King.”

“I see,” is all Cardan says, and with a wave the lord is escorted out. Cardan sighs, and says to the girl, “I have no need of your services, you may return home or make a living here, I care not.”

The girl blinks several times, opens her mouth, then thinks better of it. She makes a small bow, and then steps back into the crowd.

I sorely wish I could say that is the end of it. That I think of her no more, that I go back to our room and gorge on the mammoth cherries until the juice runs down my chin and my husband licks me clean.

But instead I find myself watching her move through the crowd. Shy at first, but of course fae flock to her and her delicate beauty. I watch her laugh and demure, I watch her shift in her seat so that her dress rides further up and her knee brushes someone else’s. Within the hour she, three male fae and one female have risen and are looking for the darker corners of the hall.

And I remember that it has never, never been that easy for me.

I wonder if any of her lovers know her name. I wonder if her lord had thought Cardan unsatisfied with his notoriously mortal bride. I wonder if Cardan thinks she’s beautiful.

Of course Cardan thinks she’s beautiful, she’s objectively gorgeous. In that fae way, in that ethereal, untouchable, undeniable way. In a way I will never be, and it used to bother me growing up around beautiful creatures until I ruled them. And now it only bothers me on days like today.

“Let’s go,” I say to Cardan, and abruptly stand. Cardan raises an eyebrow, but does not ask questions as he follows my lead. I take us out of the throne room and back to our bedroom, and I can’t help but close the door a little too firmly.

Cardan leans back against the door with his arms folded. I take his hands and pull them away, placing them on my backside instead as I step into his chest and put my mouth on his throat.

The thing I like most about being with Cardan is that he is always ready for me. He doesn’t ever tell me to slow down, or look caught by surprise. And this time, like any time, he just chuckles and lets his head fall back against the door as his hands squeeze my ass and my tongue finds the soft part under his jaw. When I suck against his skin, he moans slightly, and when he hardens against my lower abdomen, satisfaction curls in my belly. Even though he can’t lie, it’s his body I believe more than anything.

Tell me I’m pretty, I want to beg, but I won’t let myself say the words out loud. I feel pathetic for wanting it, and that makes me angry, and the anger bleeds through my teeth where they touch his ear. Cardan growls, and in the next second he’s got a fist tight in my hair so my head is pulled back away from him.

“Sharp tonight, my Queen,” he says, eyes glittering darkly. He walks me back toward the bed, not letting go of his grip on my hair.

“I just thought,” I say, my chin lifted even as my hands pull at the fastenings of his trousers, “that I would remind you who you belong to.” Cardan smirks.

“What, jealous my love?” he says, a sneer twisting his face. I slap him hard, hating the accusation as much as I hate that it is true. Cardan snarls and pushes me back against the bed. I try to sit up but his hand whips out, grabbing a hold of my throat and pushing me back down. His body follows, and then his face is inches from mine and the weight pinning me down is everything that I need.

“You are jealous,” he says and suddenly his face gets so soft. Still, he doesn’t lift his hand from my throat.

In fact he only moves his forefinger to pull down my bottom lip, and then squeezes while his other hand slides up my thigh and pushes my skirts up. He keeps eye contact with me as he takes his cock and runs his hand over it a few times. Looks down at his finger hooked in my mouth, looks back up at my eyes.

“Don’t you know by now that you’re mine,” he says huskily, and then pushes hard inside me.

We both gasp as out hips meet. I’m wet from being choked, and before I have time to reflect on that, Cardan’s kissing me. He releases my throat only to tangle his fingers in mine and trap my hands above my head. I sigh into his mouth, and Cardan moves out and then back into me with a slow roll of his hips that has mine stuttering beneath him.

“Sweet fucking god you feel good Jude,” he moans, and moves again. He’s so slow and deliberate that I feel every inch of him, and already the angry thing in me is being soothed and being replaced by something else. Something wilder, and hungrier. I lift my hips to meet him, getting more skin contact. Cardan groans and licks up the my throat. When he kisses me again, I let his tongue slide against mine for only a minute before I’m biting hard against his lip, and the pain of it has him shuddering. He laughs softly, and then ducks his head to nip at my nipple in retaliation. I give a little yelp, and he moves and bites the other one before it turns into a sucking kiss.

“Do you know how perfect you are?” Cardan murmurs, and his hips speed up while he stares down at me. My eyes slide closed, and I arch my back to get him deeper, since my wrists are still pinned above me and I can’t touch him.

“Not perfect like you,” I say, breathless now. “Not perfect like fae.”

“And all the more beautiful for it,” he says, and now when he kisses my breasts he is not biting but reverent, gentle even as his hips between my legs are landing harder with every stroke.

Finally, Cardan lets my hands go, and I can’t touch enough of him. I reach for his back, his hair, his backside, and finally lace my fingers together behind his neck. He curves one hand around a breast, and the other lifts my ankle to his shoulder as his forehead presses against mine and he moves deeper inside me. His tail tightens almost painfully around my calf.

“It’s you Jude,” he says, breathing heavily now. “You’re the only one who does this to me.” He presses his thumb to my clit as his hips jerk more erratically. “You’re the most.. the most perfect thing I…” the words fall away from his lips as he starts to pound into me in earnest, and my nails dig into the back of his neck as the world begins to dip away from me.

“Tell me,” I gasp, already knowing what he is saying but needing to hear it still. I have a stupid, fickle human heart and I always need to hear it from Cardan. He bites his bottom lip between his teeth as he conjures the coherence to form words.

“The most perfect thing I’ve ever seen,” he says, his eyes unfocused now as pleasure nips at our heels. “The most perfect thing… I’ve ever held in my hands.”

Cardan’s thumb moves in tight circles and the coil low in my belly aches. “Are you mine, Cardan?” I ask him, desperately now.

“Of course,” he pants. “Always yours. Only yours.” And that is the chant that is lifeblood to my veins and the salt in my tears. I blink them away as they come, and Cardan puts his fingers in my mouth and lips to my ear.

“Come for me, pretty villain,” he whispers, and just like that, I do.

I come hard while his cock is still sliding in and out of me, and his hands hold me down and teeth stroke my skin. My moan snags on the tears in my throat, and when I think I am slowing down, Cardan comes too, and it makes his hips punch forward so hard that I’m coming all over again because all I really want is for him to want me this much.

****

JURDAN MASTERLIST

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