#I don’t dwell on the opinions of others

[bouquetface]

TAROT: Gossip on you

As always, I will be detailed. This won’t be for everyone who comes across it.

one.

General read. Not every reading you come across is for you. So please take as entertainment.

I think these people may be family members. They seem very concerned with your direction in life. When will you get married? When will you have kids? And a lot of questions about career. You might be unemployed because it seems someone here is expressing you don’t do enough. However, you probably work very hard. Even if you are unemployed, you likely are applying for jobs. And making good use of your free time. Especially physically, you may work out or walk/run a lot.

They still see this as useless. It seems your values are different from theirs. They may see you working out & going for walks and roll their eyes.

Logically, it makes no sense why this upsets them so much. They seem very bothered by you having your own hobbies/interests. They feel it’s all a waste of time.

I’m assuming your family may be traditional. And they let their expectations for you be known very loudly. You probably grew up constantly being told to fix yourself. Go fix your hair, go change your outfit, etc. You may not even care much for their opinions. Their opinions roll off your shoulder. But they are so loud and consistent in their comments. It’s very frustrating and has probably affected you more than you’re aware. You are likely in a place in life where you can’t even dwell on that. It seems you have a lot of work that needs to be done. Even if that work, is looking for work. It’s difficult and exhausting. Wishing you the best of luck, pile 1.

two.

General read. Not every reading you come across is for you. So please take as entertainment.

Someone is talking shit about you. It’s exactly who you would expect. For some it’s an ex lover, for other’s it’s an ex friend. They’ve convinced themselves they did nothing wrong to you. Your reaction was “crazy”. You “changed” for the worse. And they secretly hope you get your karma.

It’s like they have selective memory. They can only remember your reaction to their actions. They can’t remember/acknowledge their actions that got you to react that way. Whoever they’re talking with, is eating up everything they’re saying. You barely know this other person, if at all. It could be their close friend that never was close with you. This friend is loving the drama. They’re going to take this information and spread it to their friends. For them it’s entertainment, they don’t even care about your ex as much as you did.

I almost feel sorry for your ex friend or lover. They have no clue about the person they’re confiding in. It seems karma will get them through this friend. This friend just loves drama and gossip. Give it a few months and they’ll be trashing your ex just like they’re doing you now.

But right now, unfortunately, the two are bonding over tearing you down. I’m hearing this friend say shit like “I hope she gets hit by a car” “I would’ve punched her in the face”. It’s sooo funny to them. Literally witches cackling. They may have given you a rude nickname. In their group chat, they may only refer to you as this name. And someone has definitely called you a “cunt”. Just nasty shit. Sorry pile 2.

On the bright side, I believe for most of you this person is out your life. This seems to be why they’re so hurt. They don’t have the same access to you. Talking about you and checking your socials is the only way they can connect with you now. And ironically, they’re calling you a “stalker”. They’re convinced you’re checking their tiktok and ig religiously.

You might have ghosted them. To you it might be obvious how they fucked up, but they’re in denial. They see themselves as a victim of you.

three.

General read. Not every reading you come across is for you. So please take as entertainment.

Some of the gossip about you isn’t bad at all. You look like you’re doing well in life. You could drive a nice vehicle or people feel you’re just blessed to have a vehicle at all. You have likely done something recently that has people thinking you’re doing well financially. A few comments have been made about this. Doesn’t seem negative though. Just people stating “she’s doing good/ she’s good”.

Now, for someone very specific. The gossip seems to be you’re lying about doing badly when you’re actually fine. It could be work place gossip. Maybe you took some days off but someone here doubts you’re actually that sick. Someone seems fed up in your workplace. It may not even have to do with only you. Lots of stress and irritation from this person. Physically, they may be kinda tall and blonde.

[hannahssimblr]

We collect her on Saturday morning. Evie, in a vest and a denim skirt, seems cold as she clambers into the back seat of my car, rubbing her arms and bringing some of that early morning chill inside with her. Dew is still clinging to the patches of well trodden grass in the caravan park at this hour, before most souls have woken up baking in their tin can dwellings. A groundskeeper is soaking the flower beds with a rubber hose by the entrance as birds chirp.

“Looking very chipper for half seven in the morning.” Jen says to her accusingly.

“I don’t know, I’m just excited!”

“You morning people are all the same.” Jen has done nothing but complain about how early it is since I shook her out of bed fifteen minutes ago. She hasn’t eaten yet, and just pulled on whatever clothes she could find off the floor. She claims I’m a grumpy person, but there’s no human alive who is as cranky as Jen is if you catch her before nine in the morning. 

“I’m a morning person and it pisses her off,” I explain to our passenger, then to Jen, “Sorry that I want to get up to Dublin early so that you can have a nice day.”

Jen scowls, “Okay. Yeah. You said that already.”

“Just focus on the pancake breakfast we’ll have.”

“Yes, it will be delicious. Now shut your stupid smirky little mouth and drive us, taxi man.” She curls her legs up underneath her and shuts her eyes while I pull away from the curb. 

“Your car is very clean,” Evie says. She sits up very straight in the rear view, ankles together and hands folded neatly in her lap like she’s at a catholic mass. I’m amused by the juxtaposition of her perfect politeness while Jen is twisted up in the passenger seat snoring, scarlett hair sticking up like she’s been dragged sideways through a hedge. 

“It’s only clean because I barely use it. Trust me, if I did I’d be using it as a bin. There’d be no room for you back there with all of the KFC wrappers.”

She laughs, but I can’t tell if she’s just being gracious, “Well it’s a really nice car in my opinion. It’s so new!”

“I assume you don’t drive yet.”

“No, but I will the minute I’m eighteen. It’s hard to get anywhere at home without having a car, like. I won’t be driving around in anything like this though, that’s for certain.”

“Tullamore, huh?” I swish around a roundabout and onto the open road. Jen lightly bumps her head on the window and she grumbles but doesn’t wake. “What’s it like there?”

“Aw, are you serious? You’ve never been?”

“I, uh… no? Should I have?”

“I was joking. Nobody should ever set foot. It’s a total shithole,” she appears to get flustered by her own comment, “or, like, not really. Maybe that was harsh on Tullamore. I know that Shane likes it there, I don’t mean to talk it down, I just-”

“It’s fine, lots of people love Dublin, but it doesn’t mean it isn’t a shithole.”

“I like Dublin.”

“That’s because you don’t live there.”

“Well I’d much rather I did,” she presses her finger into the window, at the green pastures that whizz by, fields, cows, fences, the knotted briars of the country ditches. “That’s what it looks like at home. It’s the exact same as everywhere else, whereas a city is, like, you know. Different.”

“Some people might say the country is idyllic.”

“Hm.” 

I reach over Jen to the glove compartment where I’ve stowed a packet of jellies. Peach rings. I offer them to Evie and when she politely picks one out of the packet I tell her: “You can have more than one.”

She takes one other, and I stuff at least four into my mouth, “So you don’t like being a culchie, huh?”

“I’m not a real culchie.”

“Really? You live in a culchie town and you sound like a culchie, so, I mean… just calling a spade a spade here.”

“You think I sound like one?” Surprised, she leans forward into the space between the seats so she can study the side of my face. 

I shrug, “well, it’s just your accent is very strong.”

“Nobody has ever said that to me before.”

“That’s probably because you all sound the same as each other out there. In the wilds of the country,” I smirk, adding, “the bog.”

“You consider me a bog dweller now.”

“No, I think you’re a culchie who happens to live on the bog.”

“God, the idea of you thinking that makes me anxious.”

“Why?”

Jen stirs in her seat when the packet crinkles, “are you eating something?” she croaks, “gimme some,” she reaches for the jellies in my lap before I knock her hand away. 

“No sorry, these are for Evie.”

“No, c’mon, just one.”

“Okay, wait, stop grabbing,” I bat her off me and pick one out, “Let me check. Evie, can Jen have this?”

“What? Yes of course.”

“Hm, I don’t agree,” I pop it in my mouth and produce another, “what about this one?”

“Let me have it,” Jen growls. 

“Nah,” I say and press it into Evie’s palm, then block her with my arm when she tries to give it to Jen, “No, that one’s yours!”

“I want her to have it.”

“Nope, my car, my rules. You have to eat it.”

“God, Jude,” Jen says, “You’re really going to put me through it today, aren’t you?” She lunges for the sweets and I elbow her off me, citing reasons of obstructing visibility and causing hazardous driving conditions. She asks me if I ever fucked the driver’s theory manual. 

Evie giggles in the backseat so I whirl on her, “What are you cackling at, bog dweller?” 

“Nothing!” she insists as we zoom past the first blue motorway sign for Dublin city. “You two are just funny. Why? Is laughing banned in your car?” 

Beginning // Prev // Next

[halfblood-princes-crown]

maruke is better than you anyways

@moonlightdancer26 look at this buffoonery

[alleiwentcrazy]

Eddie hates it when people don’t answer his calls. He hates it with passion.

It reminds him of too many things. It reminds him of manhunts and abandoned sheds, and no one on the other side of the line. It reminds him of cold, clammy hands, of hunger, of fear. Breaking bones and eldritch horrors he’d thought existed solely in cheap movies, not in real life, until he was brutally made aware of the fact that when people say everything’s possible, everything is possible.

Every time someone doesn’t answer the phone when he calls, panic starts to boil inside his veins and his brain immediately makes at least a dozen painful scenarios for him to dwell on. He knows that technically, they just don’t know that it’s him. But it doesn’t make him worry any less, so everyone’s learned to respect the rule. They just have to pick up. No matter what. Or he’ll freak out, drop everything he’s doing and come unexpectedly to check if everything’s alright.

There hasn’t been a single situation when things were actually bad—people go get groceries, take solid, deep naps, or they’re simply too lazy to pick up sometimes—but he always does that. Always.

Especially if it’s Steve who doesn’t answer. What if he fell? Or someone mugged him? Or he got into a fight? This brain can’t take any more damage. What if he’s in the hospital now, waiting to be anesthetized before surgery, and no one’s called Eddie yet, because to society they’re just some dudes living together?

There are too many options. Eddie doesn’t like taking chances anymore, so he slaps the “I’ll be back in a few” sign on the door, closes the shop and speeds through the town like he has nothing to lose. (And it’s quite stupid, because he has too many things to lose now—but he’s allowed to freak out once in a while.)

When he gets there and sees Steve pacing and gesturing animatedly in front of the window of their tiny but awfully cluttered kitchen, he finds out exactly what it means to have the whole world on your shoulders. Or, rather, to be finally freed from the pressure it creates.

It’s okay. It’s just a stupid phone call. It wasn’t even important, anyway.

Despite that, he takes his helmet off. Won’t hurt to remind Steve of the rule. And maybe kiss his pretty face a little while he’s here.

He doesn’t even have to enter their apartment to know that Steve’s not alone. First off – if Steve’s pacing and rambling, an anxious trait he’s picked up from Robin, wasn’t a hint enough – it’s loud. Their paper walls can barely hold back a normal conversation, let alone something resemblant of a heated discussion. Honestly, Eddie has no idea how their neighbors can stand them sometimes, with his metal, their late-night conversations and non-conversations alike, with the kids visiting so often. Although Steve is optimistic (they have some lovely neighbors, like sweet Gran Fran, but don’t ever let Eddie express his opinions about that old hag from across the hallway, Miss Hermans), he’s still waiting for that complaint to be filed.

Second, he smells coffee. Steve never makes coffee for just himself.

Eddie opens the door gingerly, remembering how easy it is to completely unhinge them by accident, and is about to scream something about getting home, when none other than Dustin Henderson cuts him off with a shriek.

“—because it’s actually pathetic, that’s why! Get a grip, man, just do it!”

“Oh, it’s so easy for you to say, because you’ve never actually tried—”

“And maybe I never will! If you won’t do it, how can I learn how to do it myself? You know that you guys are the closest thing to father figures!”

“Hey, don’t make it about yourself for once, maybe? Some humility?”

Dustin’s quiet for a second, but Eddie knows he’s not about to admit full defeat. “Yes, sorry,” he chokes out, finally. “But you’ve tried so many times, you should know that it doesn’t get any easier on another try. Just do it, it doesn’t matter how.”

“It does, though! To me, it—it does. It matters,” Steve mumbles back, and Eddie can picture his face in perfect detail. It’s Steve’s small voice, which means he’s worried about something, even though his worry doesn’t make any sense in everyone else’s eyes. He’s unsure: his brows are pinched, lips pursed, stare skittering around the room, never focusing on anything. Dustin knows this face too, because his tone gets softer.

“Okay, then walk me through it.”

“What?”

“Walk me through it. You’ll know what you want, how you want it, when and where, and it’ll be easier when you try it next time.”

“Dustin, I really don’t—I’m not sure it can get easier, ever.”

“Because you’re scared.”

Steve sighs deeply before he responds. “Yes. Because I’m scared.”

“It’s been eight years, Steve. What are you scared of?” Dustin’s voice is gentle, curious. He’s not judging, he genuinely wants to know the reasons, and so does Eddie. He leans against the wall, trying to sneak a peek of the kitchen unsuccessfully, and listens. A while passes before Steve speaks again.

“I think—There are so many things I’m afraid of. But the main one… It’s still rejection. Not being enough. Because it’s not like it’s anything formal, right? It’s only a promise, and if it ends up turned down…”

Chair legs scrape the floor and Eddie can hear two soft slaps – hands on shoulders, probably.

“Steve Harrington. Calm down. You know it’s not going to happen—no, don’t argue. I know it, and this alone should be enough. You are an amazing person. You’re great with people, you’re bright, you’re sweet, caring, you have so many talents. I love you, Steve,” the pause that follows is filled with something so heavy there’s a shift in the air. It has a different smell now. A little salty, a little warm. “And he loves you. More than you can imagine, probably. So just pop the question, Steve. And don’t back out with some stupid excuse like this morning.”

“Pop the question,” Steve says, his voice firm, only a little timid. “Yes, I think—I think I can do that.”

Eddie bounces off the wall and takes quiet, slow steps backwards. He can’t hear anything else, even though the conversation continues. He bites his tongue hard enough to make it bleed a little. A coppery taste floods his mouth as he closes the door.

Oh, it’s just so, so stupid. He would have said yes. Each and every time, he would have said yes.

*

Later that day, when they’re lying in bed together, with the sheets rumpled, their bodies warm and mushy from the nap, with Eddie’s lips on Steve’s and Steve’s hands in Eddie’s hair, Eddie remembers the overheard conversation.

Well, no. That’s a lie. Because he hasn’t stopped thinking about it ever since.

Every single second of what, at first, seemed to be yet another annoying Monday, has been filled with reverie and anticipation. Dustin’s right – Eddie loves Steve. He loves him enough to risk hell for him, enough to argue with anyone who’s in any way mean to him. Enough to take his hand and say “You don’t have to be afraid when I’m with you”, even though Eddie’s the biggest coward in the whole wide world.

Eddie loves him. Loves his goofy smiles and scrunched happy faces, loves his moles and the uneven mustache he grows out sometimes when he’s bored. Eddie loves how gentle Steve is, how thoughtful and kind-hearted he is. How he helps Gran Fran replant her flowers each month with more enthusiasm than Eddie’s ever shown to anyone. How he talks to children, how much respect he has for those undermined by everyone else.

Eddie loves how he’s learned to stand up for himself. He’s proud of Steve, of how much he’s grown, of how he knows how to express what he needs and what he wants now. Eddie’s loved him for ages, maybe even longer than he’s aware of, but every single significant and insignificant change in Steve’s behavior and point of view makes him fall a little bit harder, every time. In any shape, in any form, there’s one constant in Eddie’s life: his love for Steve.

He likes to think that they do that to each other, both of them. That they help each other through inevitable changes, painful regressions and euphoric victories alike. He likes to think that together, they make one, healthy, living being – and apart they’re good, because they’ve grown to be good people thanks to the connections they’ve made overall. He likes this idea of just being good, together and apart. And he loves Steve for giving him the opportunity to be just that.

Eddie wants it to last. Desperately, intensely, madly. He wants it to last and he needs it to keep happening – he knows that, and he knows he has the capacity to do that. To be there, to stay. His hands touch Steve’s thigh, not in the slightest covered by those silly Hawkins Tigers shorts he’s kept, then they touch Steve’s soft, scarred belly, then they touch his chest, where his heart is beating steadily and peacefully, and he keeps kissing him and Steve keeps clingling back to him, and Eddie’s so sure.

He wants this. He wants to experience growing old together, he wants them to get all wrinkly and bald together, he wants the fights over who gets the most comfortable chair in their grandkids’ living room. He wants them to experience the highs and the lows of the family that they already have, and the one they’re going to build someday.

Eddie wants this. He wants Steve. The whole deal; the promised forever. And he doesn’t want to wait another second.

“Steve,” Eddie says, cutting the kiss short so suddenly Steve actually pulls him closer, chasing after the warmth of his lips. “I’m saying yes.”

“Mm. Okay,” he mumbles back, too kiss- and sleep-hazy to catch Eddie’s intention right away. He tries to bump their noses together—which is adorable, really, but Eddie can’t let him hijack and self-sabotage this proposal too.

“No, Steve,” he squeezes Steve’s side until he looks at him properly. “I love you. I’m saying yes.”

In awe, Eddie watches as Steve’s face goes through confusion, true bewilderment, a bit of fear and fleeting exhilaration, to finally settle on disbelief.

“How did you—”

Eddie laughs a little at that. “I called and you didn’t pick up.” Steve makes a little oh sound, already looking like a kicked puppy. “But it’s okay, doesn’t matter, not the point,” Eddie jumps in, anticipating an unnecessary apology. “The point is, I love you, and I’m saying yes.”

Steve stares at him for a long second, his eyes wide and earnest. His fingers slide from Eddie’s hair to finally settle on both of his cheeks, cradling them lovingly. Eddie kinda wants to cry.

“You’ll marry me?” Steve asks, incredulous, his voice only a bit louder than a whisper. The way he accentuates the word “marry” gives yet another layer of meaning to such a simple question. You’ll love me? Forever?

“I’ll marry you,” he replies without hesitation. “You’ll marry me?” You’ll love me? With my flaws?

“I’ll marry you,” Steve says back. Then he grins with his eyes glistening in the bedside light, and squishes Eddie’s cheeks so hard it squeezes the unshed tear right from his eye. “We’ll get married!”

Steve giggles happily, and Eddie laughs with him. There’s so much joy inside him—them, the whole room seems to get bigger. “We will,” he adds through a smile, already peppering his fiancé’s face with kisses.

“Oh gosh, I have to call Robin,” Steve manages through his giggles and Eddie loves him so much. “And Dustin!”

So, so much.

[seresinhangmanjake]

The One I Want: Part 2

Jake "Hangman" Seresin x plus size!reader

Summary: You’re new in town and some guy named Jake is about to be your roommate. Being skeptical of new people keeps you lonely and uninterested in any entanglements, but Jake is desperate to change that.

Warnings: Judgment related to weight. Cursing. Fluff. Angst. Eventual smut (alluded to/or other). Self-esteem issues.

Words: 2010

---

He shakes his head, like clearing the fog from his brain, and steps forward. “I’m Jake,” he says, reaching his hand out toward you. 

It’s done in such a casually confident manner that it dares you to take a step back, out of his reach and far from his influence. You take his hand anyway. 

His palm against yours creates a slight buzzing sensation at your fingertips making you pull your hand away and tighten it into a fist before tucking it behind your back. “That makes more sense than the pretty brunette.”

“Oh, don’t flatter her. She’s not that great,” he says. There’s a light chuckle as he slips his hands into his front pockets. On any other man, you’d acknowledge the hint of nerves accompanying the action, but with this man in particular you brush it off. There is no way this man has ever been nervous a day in his life. “I’m surprised you’re up. Are you okay with your room?”

You glance down at the suitcase not far from where you stand. “I didn’t look for it. Seemed like snooping.”

“Oh, shit. That’s my fault.” Hand flying out of his pocket, he runs it down his face again. He blows out a breath that feels like some form of self-scolding for letting himself neglect you, then bends down to wrap his fingers around the handle of your suitcase. “You can come with me.”

The apartment, while nice, isn’t overly large. The door to what you learn is your room can be seen from your first few steps through the front entryway, but still, you’re glad you didn’t peek on your own. You could’ve found yourself face-to-face with his private space and unable to avoid developing opinions of him based on the first-glance contents of his room. 

With a turn and a push, Jake opens your door and stands back against one side of the frame so you can enter. Side-stepping past him, though, is a bit of a squeeze and you can’t help the way your breasts brush across his chest. You don’t miss his flinch and the sharp intake of air through his nose.

“Sorry,” you mutter. 

Whether or not he heard you goes unknown as he sets your suitcase down once you’re inside the room and begins his mini tour. “Um, bed,” comes out a little gritty. He points to the largest piece of furniture in the room like you’re a two-year-old learning the names of basic household items. With a cough to clear his throat, he continues. “That door over there is the closet,” he points some more. “And that one’s the bathroom. It’s small, but I hope it’ll be alright for you.”

There’s a pang in your stomach from his last two words. For you. An unnecessary addition with so much power. Power you refuse to let yourself dwell on. 

“It’ll be fine, thanks.”

“Right, well I’ll, uh–” Those eyes do their scanning of you again. Lips, breasts, hips. Blink and you would’ve missed it. “I’ll let you get some sleep,” he says. "It's nice to meet you."

You would say the same, but he’s gone before you get the chance. Shutting the door behind him, you toss your suitcase onto the bed and begin to unpack. 

—

The funny thing about these towns—while each one is different from another in appearance and people, they always reveal themselves to share a core component. Your willingness to stay put, and for how long, lies with this component. It is a matter of how intense this component—this judgment—is, and whether or not it infects enough around you to transform everything into a reminder of why you do not belong. While many things have the potential to prove you right or wrong as far as the degree to which you might be judged, what remains a constant disappointment is your attempts to obtain a job. 

It doesn’t matter where you look. You get the same once-over, the same raised brow, the same unspoken questions lingering in the air. Are you lost? Did you stumble through the wrong door?

In one day you’ve been turned down by three jobs with ‘help wanted’ signs stuck on the inside of their building’s front window. What’s worse is that, in following typical company policy, they don’t shoo you away at the door. They take your resume, they sit you down, ask you a host of questions, and eventually declare you’re not right for the position. 

A restaurant manager did not see you fit for a waitress. Neither did a cafe owner find you capable as a barista. The most painful, however, was also the riskiest. The head of the sales floor at the lingerie boutique who seemed to think women of a certain size aren’t in need of lacy fabrics that accentuate their best bits and pieces because surely they don’t have sex.

That was the one that did you in for the day and now has you moseying back to the apartment. 

You walk through the door and shed yourself of jacket, purse, and shoes, likely looking as exhausted as your new roommate did when you first laid eyes on him the night before. You knew you recognized something in the weariness of his eyes. While unexpected, last night Jake Seresin was tired because someone—or many someones—had worn him out. 

“Hi.”

You jolt upright, head instinctually turning toward the voice. You’re not used to sharing your space, and obviously so since Jake immediately raises his hands in silent apology for startling you.

“Hi,” you reply, the word riding on the sigh that passes through your lips. 

With as much as you can muster for him, you offer a smile before aiming for your bedroom. But you don’t get far. 

“What have you been up to all day?” he asks, halting you. 

He’s not going to let you go, you realize, not without giving him something in return. Though, seeing as he’s your new roommate who took you in on short notice and charges you pennies to stay, you figure you can oblige. 

He’s sitting at the island in the kitchen, now with a beer in one hand and his phone in the other. His thumb taps away at the screen, but when you near him he quickly sets it down to offer you his full attention. It’s then that you notice his missing shirt. Your mind must have filled in that blank. You’d assumed some sort of tank top was hidden by the angle at which he sat when you entered the apartment; that the fabric’s color was not so different from the tone of his skin. Looking at him in his bareness now, you can’t ignore how ridiculous that thought was.

You also can’t ignore him; sitting there without shame, practically taunting you to run your eyes over every ridge and valley of his sculpted form. And it is sculpted. Artwork. 

But you don’t allow yourself the luxury. Instead, you answer, “Looking for a job.”

Jake sits a little straighter. “I can probably help with that,” he says. “I’ve got a friend who owns a bar down the street, and–”

“No!” you snap. The hope that it wasn’t as harsh as it sounded is snuffed out by the slight widening of his eyes. “Thank you,” is softer, “but no bars.”

He watches you a moment longer before he nods and repeats, “No bars. Got it.” Another moment of silence fills the room until he breaks it. “I’ll ask around.”

“Don’t worry about it. I’ll figure it out.” You wave away the thought and shake your head, aiming to get off the topic. Solidifying that is your immediate shift onto him. He seems like a guy who probably enjoys talking about himself, anyway. “So, you don’t fly on the weekend?”

“Not unless I have to.”

“Have people stopped traveling on Saturdays?”

Blond brows pinch as he twists the beer bottle in absent-minded circles with his fingertips. “What?”

Crossing your arms, you step further into the kitchen until your stomach is resting against the edge of the island. “Your friend said you’re a pilot. I just figured you’d be working a lot.”

Jake’s face doesn’t change; still the epitome of confusion, and you don’t know how to fill the painfully long beats while he examines you. Why you let him examine you must be a slip of the conscious mind, but you keep still. Then his face settles. He takes a sip of his beer, sets it down, and, instead of simply looking at you, stares hard into your eyes. 

“You’re not from around here, are you?”

“Wh–” you pause, readjusting your stance. “What makes you think that?”

“Anyone who says ‘pilot’ in this town—or frankly, even close by—assumes Navy, not airline,” he says. If he’s insulted, it doesn’t show. “I’m far from some Delta guy.”

Internally you curse. That err in knowledge peels back a layer of your paint, inviting curiosity and questions. And by the gleam in Jake’s eye, you’re sure you’re going to get plenty. “You’re in the Navy.”

“I am,” he confirms with a single nod. “And most people here have ties to it in some way. But not you, it seems.”

You fidget in the gap between his statements. 

“So, where exactly did you come from,” he continues, a wry smile stretching his lips, “And how did you end up here of all places?”

When you meet his stare, you don’t care for the sparkle peeking through. “I drove.”

His head throws back in laughter. “That’s all I get?”

“That’s all you need,” you stress. It’s his own fault for not asking those questions following your email answering his ad. He had an opportunity. He didn’t take it. That’s not your problem. And the longer you stand here, clearly providing him with entertainment, you're once again struck with the desperation to get his attention off of you. 

Without much to grasp, you go for the obvious. You allow your eyes to trail downwards and morph your features into a forced grimace. “Don’t you wear clothes?”

“Oh.” Looking down at himself, a gulp bulges his throat. “My bad. It’s been a while since I’ve had to wear a shirt around the place.” Is that disappointment in his tone? Maybe. Who in the world wouldn’t be insulted at the request to put on more clothes instead of removing an additional article? You certainly have been, so who is to say Jake Seresin—who undoubtedly has never faced such a request—wouldn’t feel the same?

To your surprise, he hops up immediately and rounds the island for his room; a move you would appreciate much more if it didn’t reveal the gray sweatpants settled low on his hips. There’s a defined V and a line of hair that disappears below the waistband. You hate that V. You hate that dusting of hair, blonder against his tan skin. Men with Vs and an irritatingly perfect amount of hair there are trouble. Each and every one of them. 

“I’ll go get that shirt. Don’t go anywhere.”

For whatever reason—one you’re unwilling to dissect—you do as he asks. But then a light flashes in your peripheral vision. The screen of his phone in response to a new message. 

You don’t want to look, not really, but you can’t help yourself. Years of people whispering behind your back, sneaking glances, chuckling, has planted the evergrowing seed of paranoia. Inching closer to the phone, you tap the rectangular block on his screen that reads Nat. Though the phone is locked, the notification expands to reveal the full message. 

See, Paranoid is an interesting label. It accuses you of misunderstanding, of being too suspicious, too anxious, or even crazy; and you won’t deny you’ve probably been wrong before, assuming people are talking about you who haven’t spared you a thought. But sometimes, that label is unfair. Sometimes—often, in fact—you are right. 

And when you read ‘Not what you expected, is she?’ followed by a tiny smirking face, you know this is one of those times.

---

A/N: I hope you liked it! If there are typos blame that on my anxiety. I've got a life-defining procedure tomorrow so wish me luck

tags: @wkndwlff @kmc1989 @sagittarius-flowerchild @dempy @oliviah-25 @rosiahills22 @xoxabs88xox @matisse556 @hardballoonlove @ssa-sadboi @lynnevanss @pono-pura-vida @tgmreader @amgluvsbooks @ravenhood2792 @djs8891 @shakespeareanwannabe @sailor-aviator @penguin876 @rogersbarnesxx @nani-kenobi @tgmavericklover @athenabarnes @elite4cekalyma @buckysteveloki-me @shelbycillian @kissmethric3 @fox-bee926 @hangmandruigandmav @waltermis @fandom-life-12 @a-serene-place-to-be @bruher @cehenyne @tngrace @mamaskillerqueen @emma8895eb @benedictsvestcollection @blackwidownat2814 @himbos-on-ice @entertainmentgal8 @hookslove1592 @whoeverineedtobe @alwaysclassyeagle @chaytea06 @cherrycolas-things @turtle-in-a-tornado

[maysileeewrites]

a helping hand - John Murphy x reader

Summary: „Why are you helping me? I’m the bad guy, in case you forgot.“ Set during 1 x 10 (I am become Death), based on this teaser.

warnings: mentions of blood + injuries, angst, Murphy being Murphy (yes, he does have a soft side in this, but that doesn’t mean that he’s not still a dick); please lmk if I forgot something! 

AN: I’m not quite sure whether anyone will still care for Murphy x reader in 2023, but I love my trash son so much, I just had to write something about him. Please let me know if you liked it! 

You dip the bloodied cloth into the bucket filled with water, watching as the water slowly turns red. Your hands are bloody as well and there’s dried blood crested under your fingernails, but with all the sick teens around you needing medical attendance, you don’t have time to try to thoroughly wash your hands, so you just dip them into the water, grabbing a bar of soap, watching as the water turns an even deeper red. 

Blood. 

There’s just so much of it. 

You sigh, standing up again. There’s no time for dwelling on your thoughts, not when the whole first floor of the Dropship is full of sick, coughing teenagers that need your help. 

You go to Fox and Connor next, checking up on them. But apart from trying to clean them up - they’ve started coughing up blood as well - and getting them to drink some water, there isn’t much you can do to actually help them. You have no medicine, no painkillers - apart from Monty’s moonshine and considering that a painkiller really is a stretch in your opinion -, nothing. Only a few spare blankets you and Clarke gave out earlier, in order to help keep everyone warm. 

A sudden wave of anger and irritation at your helplessness when faced with this unknown, dangerous virus overcomes you and you clench your fists in frustration. You allow yourself a moment to try and bury that emotion deep inside - because being this emotionally overwhelmed, you won’t be any help to the others -, closing your eyes and breathing deeply. 

When you open your eyes again, they land on Murphy - who’s looking right back at you with his good eye, the other one is still swollen shut. 

You gulp, trying to swallow down the nervousness that is suddenly clawing its way up your throat. Murphy’s the one who brought the disease into the Camp. 

After being tortured by the grounders for days, you try to remind yourself. After being unceremoniously tossed out of Camp for a murder he didn’t commit. And while he’s definitely a rude asshole that can be a bit unpredictable at times - though you think more often than not he’s just lashing out when provoked, attacked, or in case of the whole Charlotte incident, wrongfully accused - you don’t think that he’s as bad as everyone makes him out to be. 

But maybe that’s just you being naive, always wanting to see the good in people. He did try to go after Charlotte, after all. Though, you think, that probably had more to do with him seeking justice - a twisted, self-righteous kind of justice, but still justice - than vengeance. 

You sigh, tucking a loose strand of hair behind your ear. Whatever the deal with Murphy is - and whatever the reason for you to suddenly spend so much of your thoughts on him is - right now, it doesn’t matter. 

Right now the only thing that matters is that he’s sick and hurt and he needs someone to help him clean up his wounds and that’s exactly what you’re here for. 

So, you take a deep breath and square your shoulders, before walking over to him and dropping down in front of him. His blue-green eyes - the good one at least- meet yours for just a split second, but then he’s looking away again. You dip the cloth into the bucket of water - after helping Fox and Connor you’d gone out to get some fresh water - and reach out for him, but just when you’re about to touch him, he twists away from you. 

„What’re you doing?“, he says, his voice low, distrust and irritation evident in his expression. 

„Helping you“, you answer, gesturing to the wet cloth in your hands. „Someone needs to clean up your wounds, Murphy.“ 

He scoffs. „Yeah, right.“ 

You frown. „Look Murphy, just let me help you, please.“ 

He doesn’t say anything to that, doesn’t acknowledge your words with anything other than a raise of his eyebrows, but you decide to just take his lack of a verbal response as a good sign - or at least as a sign that he hopefully won’t refuse your help any further. 

You wet the cloth cloth again, before carefully reaching your hand out to him again. This time, he doesn’t twist away from you, so you gingerly touch his bloodied and scarred cheek with your fingertips, before carefully applying pressure with the cloth. 

All the while, Murphy looks at you, an undecipherable emotion in his blue-green eyes. The intensity of his gaze is distracting, and you swallow, trying to concentrate on cleaning up his wounds, trying to ignore the burning heat of his gaze. Though it’s impossible to really ignore it, with you two being so close that you can feel his warm breath ghosting over your skin, causing you to shiver. 

Something shifts in Murphy’s expression then - if you weren’t paying so much attention, you might’ve missed it, but as it is, you can see the bitter smirk that crosses his lips for an instant, before he bites down hard on his lips. 

Your eyes meet then. You swallow - you feel caught in his stare, unable to look at anything but him. 

„Why are you helping me?“, he asks you, his voice low and raspy and laced with something that almost sounds like desperation. „I’m the bad guy, in case you forgot.“ 

„Because you need help“, you say, underlining your words by lightly trailing your fingertips over the deep cut on his left cheek. „And because I want to understand you.“ It’s true - you do want to understand him. You want to know how he came to be who he is today, why on earth he set fire to a room on the Ark. 

And fuck. This - this is dangerous. 

That bitter smirk crosses his face again. „Oh, so you want to know why I’m such a jerk, why I told the Camp’s location to the grounders, is that it?“ 

„You were tortured“, you say softly, but Murphy only scoffs. 

„Yeah, I’m afraid that doesn’t count as an excuse“, he says, voice full of bitterness. 

„Wha-“, you start to say, but then you remember that you saw Bellamy talking to Murphy earlier. And yes, that would certainly explain Murphy’s comments about his being tortured not being an excuse for giving up your location. 

You sigh frustratedly. Of course you know that Bellamy only wants to protect everyone at Camp, but you also know him well enough to imagine him making some kind of petty remark how he wouldn’t have caved under torture, wouldn’t have given up the Camp’s location. 

Which - fuck that. Anyone would eventually cave under torture, even someone as strong-willed and fierce as Bellamy. 

Murphy’s hiss of pain when you accidentally linger too long on one of his cuts with your fingertips draws you out of your thoughts. „Sorry“ you say, biting your lip. 

Murphy just shrugs and suddenly you’re hit with the desperate urge to help him, even though you’re not quite sure if there even is anything you can do that could make his situation better - apart from cleaning up his wounds, which you already are doing. 

„I’m sorry for what happened to you“, you say then, looking at him. „That’s not - I can only imagine what you went through and I really am sorry that that happened to you.“ 

Murphy looks at you, confusion and irritation evident in his expression. 

„And I know that won’t change anything-“

„No it won’t“, Murphy interrupts you, but this time, there’s no venom in his voice - just pain and resignation. „But it’s nothing I haven’t experienced before.“ 

Now it’s your turn to be confused. As you continue cleaning up his wounds, you mull over his words in your mind, trying to understand what he’s implying with his words. Does he mean that he was tortured on the Ark? But that can’t be right, can it? Yes, the Ark’s council is strict and unforgiving, but you haven’t heard about them torturing somebody. 

„Can you even see anything like that?“, Murphy says, interrupting your thought process, and suddenly he’s reaching out with one hand, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. 

You swallow, trying desperately not to show how much that one little touch affected you. But your heart is thundering so loudly in your chest that you’re convinced that he’s able to hear it. 

Especially once you can no longer pretend to re-inspect the cuts on his face yet again - you really need to take a look at the wounds on his chest. 

You clear your throat, trying to sound more confident than you feel. „I - uh - I need to take a look at the wounds on your chest, judging by all that blood I’ll probably need to do some stitches … uhm could you - uh - maybe take off your shirt?“ 

Kill me, you think, wanting to die from embarrassment. Of course, the first time you’ll see a boy without his shirt on - apart from some of the boys that walk around Camp shirtless in the morning and you don’t think that they actually count - has to be in this weird situation. 

As if reading your thoughts, Murphy just smirks, before taking off his shirt. But just when’s almost free of his shirt, he hisses, his face screwing up in pain. 

„Let me“, you say, helping him. 

For a moment, you just stare at each other breathlessly. 

Then, so quietly that you’re not quite sure whether you’ve imagined it, he says: „Thank you.“ 

You nod, clearing your throat. Not knowing what else to say, you start inspecting his chest, lightly trailing your fingertips over the various scratches and other wounds - trying not to be distracted by his muscles you can feel under your fingertips and his burning gaze. 

Murphy hisses again when your fingers brush over a particularly deep wound. „Sorry“, you murmur, leaning in even closer to get a better look at his wound. „This wound needs some stitches, I’m, uh, going to get a needle and some thread.“ 

You get up and walk over to where all the medical supplies are stored, thankful for this short moment away from Murphy, his intense stare and your confusing thoughts about him. 

„Here“, you say, after sitting down in front of Murphy again and hand him the bottle of moonshine you’ve grabbed as well, „you might want to drink this before I get started on those stitches.“

Murphy just nods, taking the bottle of moonshine from you and taking a long, big sip. „Do your worst“, he says, prompting you to roll your eyes. 

„Thanks for the vote of confidence“, you murmur, though you can understand why he’d be apprehensive about this. If it were you being in his situation, you’d rather be stitched up by a trained doctor as well, but since you teens are all on your own and Clarke, the only one of you with actual medical training is currently getting some well-deserved sleep, you’re his only option. Unlike Clarke, you haven’t received any actual medical training but you do know how to give stitches - in theory at least - so you hopefully won’t screw this up. 

Here goes nothing, you think, getting started on the stitches. 

Murphy bites down hard on his lips, though a slight hiss still escapes him. 

You cringe, shooting him an apologetic smile before concentrating on his wound again. „Sorry.“ 

Murphy doesn’t say anything in response, just nods. 

You’re both quiet as you continue with the stitches. Then, when you’re almost done, Murphy suddenly says: „I got real sick when I was thirteen … only made it because my dad stole some medicine for me ... course, he got floated for it …“ 

You swallow, meeting his gaze. You don’t know why he’s suddenly telling you this - you just know that the story he’s about to tell you most likely won’t have a happy ending. 

Murphy looks away from you then, laughing bitterly. „My mother … she was never the same after his death … She started drinking. Blamed me for his death. Told me everyday that I’m a worthless good-for-nothing that’s responsible for his father’s death. She died three years after him … and I just-“

He stops talking then, shaking his head. 

„Murphy, I-“, you start to say, though you stop as well, not quite knowing what it is that you actually want to say. Murphy suddenly opening up to you is so confusing and his story so heartbreaking, you’re not quite sure what the appropriate words for this situation are, let alone if there even are any. 

„Anyway“, Murphy now says, voice tinged with bitterness, „I just - I had all this pai- anger in me and I didn’t know how to handle it, how to let it out. So I set fire to those rooms, got arrested.“ 

„Murphy …“, you say, your voice hollow, your heart breaking for the broken, angry boy in front of. 

He laughs dryly, though the sound has a wheezing quality to it that instantly worries you. „You wanted to know, didn’t you? Wanted to understand why I became such a jerk. Well, there you have it.“

„I do“, you say, putting away the needle and thread and looking at Murphy, meeting his gaze. „I do understand you, Murphy. I still think you’re an opportunistic jerk, but I understand, I really do. I - I know that it’s not worth much, but I am sorry that this happened to you, it’s awful.“ 

Murphy just shrugs, not saying anything. 

But he’s still looking at you and now that you know what to look for, now that you finally understand him better, you see the pain in his expression.

Not just due to the torture. There’s so much more, pain that’s probably been building in him for years and that he turned into sharp, pointed hate and anger, because he didn’t know how to deal with all of his pain. 

You want to help him, though you don’t really know how and why. Yes, he is a rude jerk and at Camp he was also somewhat of a bully, but you think that that’s most likely due to him not knowing how to communicate in something that’s not just anger and aggression. But you also believe that there’s more to him - that he’s not just this lonely, broken, rude jerk that that’s probably just a facade he’s hiding behind. 

„I understand, Murphy“, you say again, still looking at the storm of emotions in his green-blue eyes. Something shifts in Murphy’s expression then - he’s listening to you and something in his gaze tells you that he believes your words, believes you. „I truly do. But there’s more to life than just pain, anger and aggression.“ 

With that, you reach out a hand, softly grasping one of his hands with yours. You’re not quite sure why you’re doing it, you just know that you want to be there for Murphy, that you want to help him - and that you want him to understand that you truly mean your words. 

Murphy’s arm jerks, as if he wants to rip his hand out of your grasp, but then he grasps your hand, squeezing it lightly. He reaches up with his other hand, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. 

Just like before, your breath hitches. But this - this is different than before. This time, there’s no venom in Murphy’s gaze, no quiet challenge, no pent-up anger. Just curiosity and something softer that you can’t quite describe. 

„I still don’t really get why you’re helping me“, Murphy says, leaning even closer to you. You’re so close that you could count the lashes on his good eye. You feel his breath ghosting over your skin and you shiver in anticipation. 

„But I’m glad that I let you.“ With that, he leans in even closer, searching your eyes and whatever he sees in them, must convince him. He presses his lips to yours and you’re so overwhelmed that you don’t know how to react. But just when you feel Murphy starting to pull away, you kiss him back, bringing your free hand up to his neck. 

You feel him smirk into the kiss and if you weren’t currently kissing him, you’d definitely roll your eyes at him. As it is, you continue kissing him, though you give his hand a squeeze that’s probably a bit too harsh. 

Murphy just smirks again, deepening the kiss and tangling his hand in your hair. You can feel your heart start to beat faster and there’s a curious sensation in your stomach that feels like those butterflies that you’ve read about in books. 

You lose yourself in the kiss, in the feeling of Murphy.

Kissing Murphy feels good, though his lips are chapped and dry and he hisses in pain when you overeagerly lean a little too much against him. But still - kissing Murphy feels good. 

And even though you’re still confused and you know that one conversation won’t suddenly make him sunshine personified - you like his dry sarcasm way too much for that - you also know that you want more. You want to get to know Murphy, really get to know him, you want to be there for him. And if there are more occasions to kiss him along the way of getting to know him and helping him, then you certainly won’t complain about that. 

Murphy gives you one last, bruising kiss, before breaking the kiss, breathlessly leaning his forehead against yours. 

„I - Murphy - what …“, you stammer, still too wound up from the kiss. 

Murphy smirks. „That was thank you.“ 

You can’t help but roll your eyes. „I see“, you say dryly. 

„For stitching me up … and for not giving up on me“, Murphy adds, his voice serious again. 

You smile softly, reaching up to brush a strand of hair out of his eye. „I’ll be sure to stick around then.“ 

Murphy grins, though there’s a vulnerability to it now that wasn’t there before. „Doesn’t sound too bad …“ 

„Yeah, it doesn’t“, you agree, before leaning up to kiss him again. 

You feel him smiling into the kiss, causing you to smile as well. 

Yes, the road ahead is not going to be easy - this is John Murphy, resident sarcastic, rude asshole, after all - but you’re not afraid to walk it with Murphy. 

[prettieinpink]

Detachment

Detachment is the feeling that you have of not being personally involved in something or of having no emotional interest in it. I don’t really like this definition of detachment, but its the one which explains it the best. Though this post is basically about how to not let your emotions affect every aspect of your life. And it can improve life/mindset by soo muchh. Heres some little tips for detaching !!

Don’t involve yourself, start observing. You do not have to get involved with everything on the internet, whether it's a debate, discussion, latest trends, political opinions or arguments on social media. Learn how to observe situations, and know when to turn your phone off if something is affecting your emotions negatively. 

Actually start thinking before you speak. It’s a common phrase yet no one truly does it. But, thinking before you say anything risky, whether it's a joke or your professing your love to someone, really think about it. Long term or short term thinking, its up to you. Thinking before you speak will literally help you stop acting impulsively on your emotions and avoid any future conflicts. 

Start embracing change. I know it is hard, but change is unpredictable so we need to start to accept it. It allows yourself to be more open minded to different opportunities which is so important for personal growth + how i did it was by observing my environment much more thoroughly and how i’ll fit in it( i usually journal about this ) and speaking with people/reading about people who’ve been in the same situations i’m in. 

Not just being aware, but understanding that not everyone is going to be kind to you and not everything in life is going to be good or fair. A lot of people are aware of this, but when it actually occurs, they’re upset. Is it reasonable to be upset? Yes. Is it reasonable to be entitled to that everyone should treat you good and everything in life is going to be easy? No. In fact if this is the case, you’re doing something wrong. Being your true authentic self is going to bring haters and challengers, do not let them live in your mind. 

Btw, negative emotions are totally normal and i support them. Be sad, angry, furious, insecure, whatever. Though, learn how to process these emotions in your mind, and grow from them, instead of dwelling and letting it affect other aspects of your life.

[oozedninjas]

i will BEG YOU ON MY KNEES FOR LITERALLY ANYTHING YOU COULD POSSIBLY THINK OF FOR 2007 RAPH he just makes me so HAHWKAHAKEVBS

This time I came up with something simpler and softer, I hope it's okay :)

Summary: Raph is mustering the courage to confess his feelings, but nothing goes as he plans after your birthday party.

MDNI / Raph is 26, and so is reader/fluff/ post 2007! movie

----

"Get a room, you two." 

Donatello rolled his eyes, turning back to the computer. Raphael glared at him, on the brink of delivering a witty retort, yet he stopped upon sensing your hand on his shoulder. You shrugged it off before shooting him a wink.

"No, no, he's got a point. Let's move to your room," you delivered with a knowing look.

Raph grinned, letting out a mischievous chuckle. He thoroughly enjoyed it when you teamed up to playfully taunt his brothers.

"Yeah? I don't know, maybe we won't be able to keep it down if we go," he quipped, infusing a flirtatious tone to his words.

Donatello growled low at the cringe-inducing sensation creeping up his neck. This happened quite frequently. You and Raph would giggle while snuggling on the couch. Some times you were in his lap, some others he laid his head on your legs while you massaged his head or played with the red bandana.

You shared many things together: meals, phone calls, your apartment (especially when he and Leo fought—hell, he even allowed you to use his bike!), and when you weren't teasing each other, you were playfully flirting. Although, at times, it seemed too genuine to be lighthearted. At least in Donatello’s opinion. 

He did his best to ignore both of you and once you left, he and the others started blitzing Raph with numerous questions. Why do you always act like that? Raph, do you like them? Are you secretly dating or something? Raph, have you asked them out yet? 

“Relax, we’re just messing around,” he deflected. 

"You must be careful with your words, Raphael," Splinter said. "Sometimes we dismiss what we think could tear our hearts apart, but that doesn't mean it'll go away, and if you let it linger there for too long, one day you may come to regret it.”

That struck a chord in him.

"I'm old enough to discern my feelings, thank you," Raphael snapped.

Now, one would have thought that after such a sharp response, Raph would not have dwelled on the matter any further. Yet, much to his annoyance, those queries circled in his head all week—a week during which he continued hanging out with you as usual. The only difference was that now he couldn't shake this tingle from his chest.

Perhaps it's always been there, he thought. Maybe he just hadn't allowed himself to acknowledge it.

Do you like them?

You smiled at him at that very moment, and he knew. The realization hit him like a goddamn train at maximum speed. He had feelings for you. Real feelings. Romantic feelings.

Fuck.

Never in a million years would you feel the same about him; he knew it. And even if you did, he was a mutant living in the sewers. What could he possibly offer you? You know, besides always protecting you and taking care of you. Would you be okay just with that? Would it— would he be enough for you?

****

“I think they like you back,” Casey asserted, shooting a smile at Raph. “Just ask them out.”

They found themselves on the rooftop of Casey's shared apartment with April. It was their habitual pullout, a place to unwind for a couple of hours after their patrol shift, when the night was too bright to head home.

Casey swung his bat absentmindedly through the air, while Raph sat with his legs hanging from the building, watching the hasty lights of various cars speeding below.

“I don’t know. What if they don’t? I don’t wanna risk what we have.”

"Raph, trust me, they like you back. Besides, you both look like a married couple already! Like, that fight over the cookies the other day? Come on,” Casey chuckled at the memory.

Raphael scratched the back of his head, trying to tone down the heat creeping up his neck. Yeah, maybe you did look like a married couple.

****

After pondering it for a few weeks, Raphael made up his mind to speak from his heart. He gathered the courage to talk to you and confess his feelings. Not tonight, though. Tonight was your birthday, and you both agreed to hang out after your small party at the lair.

He made sure you had a pleasant evening and gifted you a pretty handmade bracelet. After the song and the cake that Mikey lovingly baked, you both headed to your apartment for a movie.

Now he found himself in your bed, right next to you, and God, you looked beautiful. Who could concentrate on the TV with such a sight beside it? Certainly not Raph. He stared for so long that it didn’t take much time for you to notice.

“Is something wrong, babe?” You asked.

Babe

You’ve never called him that before, not even during fake-flirting. His heart rate pitched inside his plastron. Warmth flushed his cheeks. Damn. He turned quickly, trying to swallow the butterflies in his stomach. 

“Nah, just watch the movie,” he mumbled. 

“I was, you were the one staring at me,” you noted. 

“No I wasn’t” 

“Hmm, I positively think you were.”

“Well, what if I was?” he retorted.

You grimaced at the sudden harsh, low-key annoyed tone. Something felt off, and judging by his behavior over the past week, you already knew what it was. Grinning, you asked:

“Do you think I’m pretty?”

Raphael turned back to you, his heart beating faster now, a tingling sensation in his hands. Your gaze was flirty, but not as playful this time.

“You know I do,” he said simply. 

Damn, this was much easier when he hadn’t realized he had a crush on you.

“I think you’re really good looking too.” 

“I know,” Raph smirked, trying his best to play it cool. 

You snorted, turning completely towards him. Stretching your hand out, you ran your fingertips over the bracelet.

“This was incredibly thoughtful, you know? I love it. But you know what would be an even greater birthday present?”

“What?” He prompted.

“If you said this was our first date.” 

All doubts, nervousness, and his plans of awkwardly confessing were thrown out the window with that single phrase. His smile this time was wide, his gaze radiant with satisfaction and confidence.

"It is," he placed his hand over yours, his hold impossibly tender. "At least to us. The whole crew is convinced we're already dating," he said casually, suddenly unable to stop smiling.

“Yeah, I know. The other day your father asked me some things…”

Raphael gasped, horrified. “What did he ask you?!”

You chortled at the expression he made. Man, this was about to become the best birthday night ever.

[indecisivekitty]

These Threads of Crimson

Simon ‘Ghost’ Riley x reader

wc: 1,552

genre: Soulmate AU/One-shot

warnings: maybe the slightest of angst if you squint??

“That red string you see wrapped around your ring finger leads you to your soulmate.”

That’s what you get told when you’re a kid.

Grownups were always constantly excited about telling you about how this soulmate-string thing worked and how they then went on to find theirs. Yet there were also lots of people who didn’t care about the concept of it and ignored it entirely, going on to be with whomever and live their lives however they please without knowing their soulmate at all. Though there were still many who enjoyed the idea of having a soulmate and went on to follow where their string led to the best of their abilities.

Additionally, the string was only visible to you and your soulmate and wasn’t tangible at all. Yet on occasion, there were instances where the string tugged at you—not as forceful as someone pulling you, but nonetheless, you could still feel something when it happened.

Growing up, you also learned that those momentary tugs happened when your soulmate was very distressed or perhaps burdened with a heavy weight. The worse the stressor, the stronger the pull of the string. People have come to say that the string tries to pull you to your soulmate when they feel this way so you can be there to comfort them—hence why it tugs at you during their worst moments.

Hearing that while getting older always made you frown. You felt lots of tugs when you were little—maybe 5 or 8? So you often wondered how old your soulmate was and hoped that he wasn’t that young to have had something tragic happen to him. Assuming it was a man.

You also constantly heard the discussions from kids your age about whether finding and being with your soulmate was worth it. There are many arguments for "It is worth it! It’s your soulmate!” Or, “Can’t I choose who I want to be with? Why do I have to follow some string?”

You quickly decided there was no wrong or right answer. The string only binds you to your soulmate but doesn’t force you to have any obligation or romantic feelings towards them. Soulmates don’t necessarily have to be romantic, right? But you guess that having a romantic soulmate would still be nice regardless. You sincerely hoped that was your case, having your soulmate be the person you end up with.

You looked at the sign of the pub you were outside of. Blowing out a breath, you prayed that whoever was inside felt the same way you do. That they don’t see soulmates as some sort of burden, and no matter what the outcome of this night was, they’d give you some sort of chance to be in their life.

You did come all this way to find them, after all.

Simon wasn’t sure of his opinion when it came to the string tied around his finger. He didn’t care to dwell on it much. Why would he, when he had other important things to place his attention on?

In a perfect world where he lived a perfect life, he would try to find his soulmate. That was something he was sure of, but in this lifetime? He assumed it was too dangerous if he had someone outside of work, plus he wasn’t exactly sure he deserved to have one.

That being said, he finds himself frowning at the string, wondering why it feels tighter all of a sudden. It didn’t feel like those occasional tugs that it would do; the string felt like it was shorter, even more so as the seconds went by. Simon narrowed his eyes at the string as he suddenly felt uncomfortable.

“Do you ever forget you’re wearing your balaclava while you go to drink?”

Simon looked from his finger to turn his attention to Gaz, raising his brow at the question (not that anyone could really tell anyway). “Once maybe.”

After replying to Gaz, Soap came up to the two men sitting at the bar to clap their shoulders, smiling ear to ear as he drunkenly spoke. “Oi, LT! ‘Member tha’ one time ye drove—got ye drivin’ lessons fer next week!"

Ignoring Gaz’s laughter, Ghost sighed. “And you really think I’d go to that?”

Soap shrugged. “Werk on yer drivin’ fer the future. Come in handy if ye ever have a bairn.”

Ghost shook his head as Gaz got up to put an arm around Soap’s shoulders. “You’re pissed out your mind, so let’s have you sit down, yeah?”

“Pssh… Nawt tha’ plastered,” Soap mumbled, stumbling seconds afterwards. “…Nevermin’.”

Watching the sergeants go, Simon turned his attention to surveying the pub. The string wrapped around his finger was starting to agitate him, his leg bouncing up and down as his eyes darted all over the room. He couldn’t figure out why.

But it quickly became clear as his gaze landed on your figure.

Narrowing his eyes, he figured he had to deal with this problem before it became something bigger—before it became anything at all. Finishing off his drink, he stood up and began his way towards you, trying his best to mind the people around him.

You blinked, a bit dazed, at the huge man heading in your direction. He’s your soulmate? When you walked into the pub, you let the string guide you in his direction and immediately knew who he was without looking at the string for confirmation.

The way he was approaching you felt like you were being stalked by a predator. He moved with ease despite the many people around, but you suppose it isn’t that hard when you’re as confident in your steps as him. It was odd to see your soulmate in person. You weren’t sure if he was what you expected. Then again, what did you expect?

Finally standing in front of you, the man wearing the balaclava tilted his head slightly at you.

Glancing anxiously to the ground and then back to him, you weren’t exactly sure what you were supposed to say now. “Hi, I’m-“

“Follow me,” he said, cutting you off.

Confused, you opened your mouth to ask, “Sorry, what?”

“Follow me.” The man pocketed his hands in his jacket, glancing towards the entrance of the pub, and gave one last look at you before he headed towards the door and left.

Feeling lost, you looked at the rest of the pub before turning back to the exit where he went through. Sighing, you quickly started to follow his empty path. You figured you already made it this far to find him, right?

 

 

 

You find him not too far from the entrance, leaning against the brick wall of the building beside the pub. You watched as he eyed his surroundings, constantly scanning everyone and everything. Noticing you approaching, he stood up straight and took off his balaclava, shoving it in the pocket of his jacket.

He clenched his jaw while you took in his face. His features were rugged and angular; you thought he looked very masculine. He had the prettiest brown eyes and hair of the same color. You glossed over the scars adorning his face; you didn’t want to seem rude and stare at them (though you did find yourself feeling intrigued at the thought of studying them more closely).

You thought he was beautiful.

“Why are you here?” he asked gruffly.

You felt disbelief at his question, and you felt the tiniest bit of shame for trying so hard to find him. “Why am I here? No name, no introduction." He stared at you with crossed arms. You didn’t know why you were even trying to continue this conversation (or lack thereof) with him. “I’m… I followed the string because I wanted to find you.”

“And that was a mistake.”

You tensed, your gaze tightening. “A mistake?” You wrapped your arms around yourself to find some semblance of comfort, your hands clutching the material of your sweater. Exhaling rigidly, “We only just met, and it’s already a mistake?”

He looked like he was trying to figure out what to say next and what words he could say to ease the slight tension. His hands flexed absentmindedly; he wasn’t sure how to put into words his opinion of soulmates, and he didn’t feel confident enough in himself to bring up what happened when he was younger.

“I meant that with my work and how I’ve grown up, I’m not entirely certain it was worth it for you to find me,” he said finally. “So for your sake, maybe you should leave.”

“I’m not,” you sighed, cutting yourself off. “Look, I’m not asking for anything but to be in your life in whatever way. Acquaintances, friends, someone you only ever see at the pub—I’ve found you, and I’m not going to just leave.”

He observed your face, releasing a slight huff. “Stubborn.”

“So is this a yes to us being acquaintances?”

Eyeing the group of drunken people exiting the club, he gave a small nod. “S’pose.” He looked awkward, like he didn’t know how to proceed after you both reached some sort of agreement.

You were the littlest bit amused at seeing him look so out of place. "You never told me your name."

He looked back at you, feeling unexpectedly clumsy at this moment.

"Simon."

[amethystwrytes]

Imaginary Games

▪️Pairing: Kim Taehyung x Fem. Reader

▫️Genre: Romantic, Smut, Exes to Lovers, Smidge of Hurt

▪️Warnings: 18+ Explicit language, sexual content (vanilla), pining idiots, past infidelity.

▫️Summary: The only thing that could make a destination wedding - in which you're the maid of honor, who has to give a speech in front of a crowd, who has to wear a dress that cost you a pretty penny that you'll never wear again - worse is the fact that your cheating ex is the best man.

▪️WC: 8k and some change

▫️AN: Repost from previous blog. Honestly I just really liked this fic. It wasn’t everybody’s cup of tea and I get that. Cheating is one of those things that we all have very strong opinions on, naturally, and that’s totally valid. For me, I just really enjoyed writing this and I liked how it turned out. The whole bit about Taehyungs ruined cashmere alone was enough for this to make the reposting cut 😂🧶

“He isn’t here yet, he won’t be here until dinner tonight so you can relax,” Fi, your best friend and blushing bride-to-be tries to comfort you as she shifts around on her beach chair. 

She’s talking about Taehyung, of course, you don’t need to ask. He’s your ex, that you haven’t laid eyes on in two years. Not since the night that he admitted to cheating on you with a co-worker. You’d felt so incredibly stupid. You’d been casually babbling about meal planning of all the mundane things (it’s more cost effective and healthy blah blah!), and he started crying and spilled the whole story out of guilt. You’d been too stunned to argue, or fight, so you did what you always do when someone hurts you: You said nothing, or at least nothing of value, and you walked away. He’d tried to run after you, begged you to just talk to him, tried to wipe the tears that fell from your face in a devastated shower, but you wouldn’t let him. You slapped his arm away so hard your fingers had tingled for an hour, and you told him never to speak to you or touch you again. 

A typical person might fight, scream, or try to have a discussion. A typical person would ask questions between bouts of screaming like “Do you love her?” “Did it mean anything?” “Do you still want me?” - the kind of questions that are natural when you’ve been fucked over like that. You definitely dwelled on those questions a lot, but you were too stubborn to ever ask them, because that would mean you’d have to speak to him, and you’d made it clear you were done speaking. If you spoke to him that might give him the impression that you were willing to listen to his side of things, and that might lead to him thinking you could forgive him. Can’t have that. 

You’re not a forgiving person, not when the offense is that deep and it was. You loved Kim Taehyung with your whole heart. You planned on doing ‘old and gray’ with him. You built future plans together, he was your best friend, he was your safe place and you were all those things for him as well. It was right, he was Mr. Right. 

You find it so unusual and infuriating that even after two years, you feel that pain like it was freshly served every time you think of him.

“I’m relaxed,” you tell her with a stiff shrug, “and this weekend is about you and Joon, not me, so I don’t care when he’s coming.” 

 In the two years you’d been broken up with Tae, you had found it quite challenging to keep up your friendship with Fi, considering her significant other - and now fiance - was Taehyungs older brother. In fact, they met because you and Tae had set them up on a blind double date. You managed, however, to avoid him at all costs. Until now, because who else would Namjoon choose to be his Best Man other than his brother? 

“Yeah you really look it,” Fi snorts, “you’re sitting beside the ocean underneath a warm sun and you look so uptight that I’m scared you’re going to start shitting diamonds.” 

“Well maybe I’ll shit a necklace, it can be your ‘something new’,” you tease and she laughs, maybe you’ve dodged the wrath of her observational skills. 

You try to go back to your book, you’ve made it all the way to page two, but just like every other time this morning you’ve attempted to read - the words start to blur together when your mind begins to think of the inevitable: He will be here. You will have to interact. You’ll have to play nice. 

“You know, Joon says he hasn’t gone out with anyone since you two split,” she offers casually as she flips onto her stomach. 

“Fi…” her name comes out as a warning. 

“Sue me, I’m just saying that it’s worth noting the man has been punishing himself the entire time you’ve-,” 

“Where’s your phone? I need to check the time,” you say quickly, digging in her tote until you feel the shape of the device that you don’t need whatsoever. You’ve got nowhere to be until dinner this evening. 

“You can change the subject all you want, but tonight at dinner you’ll have to face the problem you’ve been running from all this time head on,” she reminds you, painfully. 

“I’ve not been running Fi. I walked away, with the entire thing blowing up behind me and didn’t look back. There’s a difference,” you point out. 

“Fine. Avoiding is the better verb then. Semantics,” she eyes you from under the brim of her hat, “you never gave him the chance to explain what happened.” 

You scoff, “Unless his dick leapt off his body and kamikazed into her vagina I don’t really need to know what happened. Do you know what happened?” you ask out of curiosity, though you immediately regret the words, it gives the impression that you give a shit. 

“No, I don’t. I promised you I wouldn’t discuss you with him and I haven’t - though he’s tried many, many times - but I do think it’s a conversation you should have with him ___,” she props herself up on her arms, “People move on from affairs all the time, sometimes together, sometimes apart. The point is that they decide what’s best based on all the information, not just the pain it caused.” 

She’s making you angry. You bite down hard on your lower lip to ground yourself. You don’t want to yell or fight with her, not this weekend when it’s her big moment. Her wedding. 

“Hey, I’m starting to feel the sun,” you say, and it’s not a total lie, “I think I’m going to go in and cool off, get some water and lunch. Do you want anything?” you ask. 

You look up towards the hotel and see that Namjoon is on his way down with a towel draped over his shoulder. 

“Ah, nevermind,” you pat her on the back, “a buff Sea God approaches. He’ll take care of you.” 

You gather up your own things and start walking up the beach access where you cross paths with him. 

“Joon,” you greet him with a little nod. 

“Hey. So, how many mimosas has my bride had this morning?” he chuckles. 

“Four,” you answer, “but those last two had like the vapor of OJ in them, so I think it’s probably time for a dunk,” you wink. 

You don’t quite make it into the hotel before you hear Fi’s shrill scream and you smile as you watch Joon pluck her off the chair, toss her over his shoulder and head to the water. They splash and play and you can’t help but enjoy it - but then pain encroaches on the moment and your smile fades as it so often does, and you disappear into the hotel before anyone can see how bitter you are. 

~~~~~~~~~~

Namjoon and Fi had wanted you all to carpool to the restaurant together, but you’d insisted on driving yourself for a few reasons. 

For one, it gave you an immediate means of escape, should the sight of Kim Taehyung drive you to projectile vomiting. Also, it gave you some time alone to talk yourself up, to psych yourself into thinking you could navigate this evening without succumbing to any emotions. You’d done such a good job, for two long years, of not letting him know what he did to you. Not letting him see how he devastated your life. Most importantly though, not letting him in. 

“The Kim-Park wedding party?” you tell the hostess as you walk into the lobby. It must be freezing in here, the way your arms and legs erupt in chills. 

“Sure,” she smiles brightly and points across the dining area, “out on the patio, just through those glass doors.” 

“Thanks.” 

No less than sixty seconds ago, getting out of your car, you’d felt confident. However, as you close in on the patio doors you realize that despite knowing this moment was coming, despite going over it in your head every night for the past few months - you have no idea what to say to him. You’d not practiced the conversation even once in your head, which is unprecedented for you. 

You pull your hand off the door like it burned you and slip to the side before anyone from the party can see you through the glass. You press your back up against the cold wall and take a deep breath. 

“I think we’re both doing the same thing.” 

His voice, so deep and familiar, daggers you. You look over and sure enough, on the other side of the doors he stands there, tall and lean, pressed up against the wall with his fists shoved into his pockets. 

He crosses over to you, and you take an instinctual step back, he notices but doesn’t remark on it. 

“I’m hiding from you and you’re hiding from me,” he continues. 

At some point, you’ll have to speak. Eventually he’s going to think you’ve either lost your voice or worse, that his presence has rendered you speechless and you refuse to let that happen. 

“Why would I hide from you?” you ask, correcting your posture and steeling your nerves. 

“Because you don’t know what to say, and you hate not knowing what to say,” he answers and your blood boils at the fact that he’s right. You hate that he knows you, inside and out, knows your personality, your faults, your strengths, your comforts. He knows what you look like naked, what you love in bed and how to - STOP. There is absolutely no way you’re letting your mind go there. 

“Why would you be hiding from me?” you ask instead of admitting he was spot on with you. 

“Because I was afraid at how much it would hurt to see you,” he says, “turns out it was worse than I’d thought.” 

He looks at you then, really looks, from your face all the way down to your heels. 

“You look so pretty,” he whispers with the saddest smile you think you’ve ever seen on a human being. You think you also see the glint of tears dusting his lids. 

“Thanks,” you say in a cold, disinterested cadence, “We should get in there before they start wondering where we are.”

“Listen, __, I’d really like to sit down and talk to you this weekend,” he stops you by placing his palm gently on your shoulder. It may as well have shocked you, the way you stiffen up and shimmy away from it. 

“Taehyung,” you say sternly, “We’re here this weekend because your brother and my best friend are getting married. It’s their weekend, and you and I are responsible for making sure everything is memorable and good. That is the beginning and end of my obligations. So I really couldn’t give a flying fuck about what you want.” 

Then you push through the doors without giving him a chance to reply. 

You hate yourself. You didn’t have to be that cruel, not after two years of giving him the silent treatment. The look on his face tells you that you may have taken it too far. 

However, by the time you’ve sat down you’ve already switched gears. You angrily set your clutch on the table. The look on his face? On his face? It’s nothing compared to the look that was on yours. The look you wore for months in the wake of what he’d done. So he can look however the fuck he wants. To Hell with him. 

A waiter brings you a glass of champagne and you fight the urge to chug it down and ask for another. That won’t do any good though. The last thing Fi and Namjoon need is for you to get hammered at their party and ruin it. Besides, champagne hangovers are the worst. It’s not worth upsetting Fi. 

When you look up to see Fi storming towards you, you think that ship may have already sailed. 

“What?” you ask like a child about to get yelled at. 

“What did you do to him?” she hisses, taking the seat next to you. You don’t dare ask who she means, else she might smack you out of your chair. 

“Nothing?” 

“That’s weird,” she scrunches her face, “because Joon is in the mens room convincing Taehyung not to leave! He’s crying ___.” 

“Oh for God’s sake,” you roll your eyes. 

Her hand squeezes your arm, more violent than comforting, “Go fix this. For two years I have been on Team ___ one hundred percent. I have cried with you, screamed with you, drank with you, wallowed with you and hated on him with you. It’s my turn. Please go be on my team.” 

Her words hurt, and you suddenly feel like a villain. 

“Okay, okay,” you stand and finish off your champagne, “I’m going right now.” 

When you swing open the mens room door you catch sight of Taehyungs disheveled face in the reflection of the mirror. You have to look away because he’s so devastatingly handsome, but also because it turns your stomach in knots to see him hurt, even after everything that happened. 

“I’ll just,” Namjoon mumbles, side stepping you towards the door, “yeah.” 

You both stand there silent for a long time, the only noise in the space are his sniffles, which echo against the metal stalls. Eventually someone is going to come in so you need to move it along. 

“I won’t apologize to you,” you begin with, because you feel like it’s important to outline that boundary. You owe him nothing, least of all an apology. “There are no words that I could use against you that will hurt you more than you hurt me.” 

“I’m sorry,” his apology comes out in a hoarse rasp that grates on your deepest heartstrings. “___, I’m so fucking sorry. You have to know that by now. I’ve not dated another person, I’ve not even fucking touched anyone since you walked out of my apartment - two years!” 

You don’t believe for a second that he’s been touch starved for two entire years, and you add that on to his pile of lies. 

“I love you, still, I’ve loved you every second,” he blurts it all out in a rush, and you expect he assumes you’re going to walk out or slap his mouth shut any second. The words still effect you, the notion that he still loves, after all that’s happened, and you feel your throat tighten with the threat of tears. 

“Don’t,” you hold up your hand, “Just don’t. We need to get it together. Namjoon and Fi expect us to be there for them this weekend and that’s what we need to do. So we’re going to walk back in there together like we’re best fucking friends, go on, do what you need to do,” you wave toward the sink. 

He sighs, resigning to you, and turns away. 

When he’s splashed his face and dried off the two of you end up where you started at the patio doors. He offers you his arm. 

“Pretending to be friendly doesn’t require you touching me Taehyung,” you point out. 

“Can I at least open the door for you?” he asks, pushing the door ajar before you can answer. The palm of his hand ends up resting against the small of your back. You stiffen and shoot him a look. 

“Sorry,” he pulls it away rapidly, “old habits.” 

“Break them,” you seethe, then transition back into the party, trying to look pleasant. 

Your back tingles in the wake of his touch, or maybe tingle isn’t the right word, but you feel it. Like a phantom pain. You hate that it felt good, natural, and like a comfort. 

You try not to think about it. You try not to think about how different this weekend would be had he not ruined everything. You try not to think about how happy and fun it would be to celebrate Namjoon and Fi together, as a couple. Would he have proposed by now? Would he have done it this weekend? After Fi and Joon ride off into the sunset together, would he have taken your hand and walked you down the beach and given you a ring? 

You push it down, pretending that you’re not hurting. You smile through a dance with Taehyung and Joons father, and brush it off when he mentions how disappointed he was how things ended between you and his youngest son. You smile through a photo of the wedding party, which just consists of you, Tae, and the bride and groom - thankfully you stand on the opposite end of Taehyung. 

You wait until you get back in your hotel room to fall apart. 

~~~~~~~

“No rest for the wicked?” 

Namjoons voice startles you. You’ve been sitting in an outdoor area of the hotel that overlooks the ocean. 

“I don’t get to come to the beach often, just soaking it in,” you tell him and look out over the seemingly infinite darkness of the water against the night sky. 

He hands you a beer and sits down in the seat next to you. 

“Thanks.” 

“Thank you,” he says, “for talking to Tae so he wasn’t a sniveling mess all night.” 

“I didn’t,” you reply honestly, “I have no interest in talking, but I did tell him we needed to keep it together for you and Fi.” 

Namjoon nods and sips his beer. 

“You’re still angry with him?” the question sounds more like a statement, but either way it irks the shit out of you. 

“Wouldn’t you be?” you snap a little. 

“I don’t know,” he shrugs, “Maybe. I’d think I’d at least want some closure though. So I could move on with life without being so angry all the time.” 

“I’m not angry all the time,” you argue. 

“Aren’t you?” again, it sounds more like a statement. 

“You know, since it’s such a monumental event I’ve been trying really hard not to knock your heads together, but if you and Fi don’t stop dredging up my relationship with your brother I make no promises,” you half joke, half warn. 

Namjoon laughs a little, but his smile fades after a few moments. 

“Maybe we just see something you don’t.” 

“Yeah? What do you see?” you challenge. 

Namjoon raises an eyebrow, “Do you want me to be brutally honest?” he asks permission. 

“Sure,” you lie and take a difficult swig of beer. 

“I see my little brother, who made a mistake. A terrible, awful, stupid mistake - but a mistake no less,” he begins but you cut him off already. 

“Namjoon, a mistake is filing your taxes wrong. A mistake is forgetting to pull the roast out of the oven. A mistake is something you didn’t mean to do. Fucking someone else is a very long string of choices in which multiple opportunities to stop occur and the person chooses to continue anyway,” you explain. 

“Okay, fair enough,” he sighs, “I see my little brother who made a very awful and stupid choice. I’ve watched him rot in it for the last two years. I’ve watched him punish himself to torture. He won’t let himself enjoy anything, he won’t let himself be happy. He doesn’t smile, doesn’t laugh. I’ve never seen him in such a dark place.” 

“You’re breakin’ my heart,” you mutter darkly, taking a long sip. 

Namjoon tenses, but he doesn’t scold you. 

“Then I see you,” he points the tip of his bottle towards you, “who’s writhed in your own misery for two years. You never even had a conversation with him, you just stamped a period down before the sentence was even over. You love him,” he holds his finger up to shush you when you start to deny this, “Don’t deny it. Just shut up and listen. You love him, because if you didn’t it wouldn’t still effect you so much. He loves you too, by the way. I’m not saying you need to get back together with him, I know it seems like that’s where I’m going with this but I’m not. What I mean is that you need to talk, and I’m sure it will be a very uncomfortable conversation, but you both need that closure. This misery has to end.” 

“He cheated on me Joon,” you say pathetically, chin wobbling. 

“I know, I know he did and it was so disappointing to all of us. We were all pissed at him, but I also know how uncharacteristic it was. He’s never done anything like that before, and I doubt he’d ever do it again. You’ve got to stop acting that even entertaining the idea of forgiving him or even speaking to him would make you lose this imaginary game that no one is playing,” he says. 

An imaginary game that no one is playing. 

The words play over and over in your head long after you finish your conversation with Namjoon. They plague you all night, and most of the next day. 

Are you playing a game in your head? The more you allow yourself to think about it, the more you realize that you’re no different than you were that night. You haven’t changed or grown or moved forward in any direction in two years. You’re still the same wounded, humiliated, hurt woman who was sitting in his apartment while he told you he fucked someone else. Maybe you should have had a discussion - no maybe - you should have. Probably not that same evening, God knows you were in no condition to have a stable, adult conversation. 

In the aftermath though, that’s when people start to rebuild, and you did nothing of the sort. Not with Taehyung by any means, but not with yourself either. You’d chosen to stay miserable, chosen to hold that hate so strong in your heart that no one, not him or anyone, could penetrate it. You’d done it all because you thought it would punish him, but all you’ve truly done is punish yourself. 

~~~~~~~~

Rehearsing the ceremony, and going to the dinner that followed was non-negotiable as Maid of Honor. Obviously. This is the part you’d been dreading, because as Best Man, Taehyung was practically your escort for the duration of the wedding. 

So far you’ve managed to remain civil, if being completely silent is civility. Thankfully Taehyung has read the vibe and hasn’t tried starting up any type of conversation with you. Eventually the minister pulls Namjoon and Fi off and you and Taehyung are left completely alone. 

“Think we’re done?” he asks. 

You’ve rehearsed the ceremony no less than seven times, and aside from the bumpy first take, the rest went off without a hitch. The music is on point, you and Taehyung know your cues, Fi’s youngest cousin had a blast tossing her pretend flowers. Everything went according to plan. 

“Probably,” you offer him three syllables and no more. 

“Good. I’m starving,” he says, resting his elbows on his knees. He starts playing with the sand beneath him, and you watch him. Like this, with his attention elsewhere, you can observe. His hair is much longer, his frame a little thinner and you wonder if that’s got something to do with an emotional issue or if he’s been dieting or something. It bothers you, that he might not be eating properly, and you get angry with yourself. Then Namjoons words echo, “an imaginary game that no one is playing.” Being concerned about a man that you spent loving for so long won’t make you lose anything. 

“You’ve lost weight,” you tell him, attempting to keep any emotion from your voice. You pull your arms around you. 

“I guess,” he shrugs, looking at himself as if he’s never seen his own body. 

“You should eat more, you look thin,” you say, then before you can add anything else, you stand up and walk away toward the banquet room. That’s where the rehearsal dinner will be, and that’s where they can find you if they need you. You can feel Taehyung staring at you as you go. 

Everyone is so enamored with the bride and groom that you scrape by without being noticed much. You fill a plate that you poke with your fork, and smile when it’s appropriate. You look happy whenever Fi starts talking to you about anything, and you smile and participate in pictures. 

You’re sat next to Taehyung for most of the dinner, but thanks to the chaos of the event with so many conversations going and attention on Fi and Joon, you don’t have to interact with him much. 

“These noodles are fucking good,” he says as he slurps some into his mouth. 

“Here, take mine, I’m full,” you use the back of your hand to scoot the bowl over to his area. 

“Thank you,” he says politely, though you can feel his eyes boring into you as if to ask ‘why are you being nice to me?’ 

“You’re welcome.” 

“Wine sir?” a waiter asks Taehyung and gestures to his empty glass that’s remained as such the entire time you’ve been eating. 

“No, some more water would be nice though, thanks,” he says and the waiter nods and trots off. 

“It’s good, not too sweet,” you tell him, picking up your own glass and taking a sip. This is your attempt at a conversation, the sweetness of wine. 

“I don’t drink anymore,” he says in a way that makes you feel like you shouldn’t ask why. Something in your stomach twists and you think you can probably guess. 

He was probably drunk, when it happened, when he decided to bed somebody else. It puts a sour taste in your mouth as you swish the wine around. You force it down your throat and set the glass back down on the table, wiping your mouth with a napkin and standing up. 

“I’m going to go lay down, not feeling good,” you tell Fi, and you can see in the way that she looks at you she knows you’re lying. You don’t care. The rehearsal went fine. No one cried. No one yelled. You’re still on her fucking team, but dinners over, and you don’t have to do this anymore, at least until tomorrow afternoon. 

As you’re heading out you notice the table where they’re keeping the bottles of wine and champagne being served. With a quick look around to make sure no one’s watching you pluck a bottle off the table, they can consider it your fee for having to make a speech in front of a crowd tomorrow. Small price to pay for gushing about love and happily ever afters when you’d rather eat dirt. 

~~~~~~~~

The hotel pool closes at 10PM, and it’s well after midnight as you sit on the edge, skirt bunched up around your thighs, legs dangling in the water. 

Fi had come to check on you, and you’d continued the charade of a headache, explaining that you’d taken something and you’d see her in the morning to help her get ready for her big day. She was apprehensive, but left you alone. 

Too overwhelmed by the silence of your room, you decided to take your stolen booze and sit by the empty pool. The sound of the nearby ocean should be enough to drown out your thoughts. 

Except it wasn’t. 

You were still thinking about everything Namjoon had said. You were still thinking about what you wanted to say to Tae. And each time you took a sip of wine, you were thinking about him hovering over his coworker, the scent of alcohol on his breath, as he pushed into her and made her feel good the way he did with you. You felt like vomiting, but kept drinking anyway, call it self-flagellation. A punishment for being a bitter hag who can’t let anything go. 

When the pool gate creaks open, you turn, expecting to explain to a staff member that you were just about to leave. It’s not an employee though. It’s Taehyung. 

Your gut reaction is to tell him to fuck off, but you stop yourself. He seems to expect it, in the cautious way he approaches, he looks as if you’re about to send him away any second. Instead you turn back to the water, watching the reflection of hotel windows ripple on the waters surface as he rolls his pants up and sits next to you. 

“It’s warm,” he says after several moments, when it’s clear you’re not going to snap him in half. 

Silence. You sit next to one another for what feels like forever, though only about ten minutes probably pass. You take languid sips from the bottle occasionally, but you don’t look at him or offer any words. You’re just procrastinating, sitting stagnant as you’ve been doing for two years.

“Go ahead,” you finally say. 

“What?” he croaks, seemingly shocked that you’ve spoken at all.

“I want to know,” you take a big gulp from the bottle, “I want to know why you did it.” 

He takes a long time to answer and you wonder why. After two years, after all the five thousand word essays he tried to send you, shouldn’t he have all this outlined already? 

“The entire PR department was at that conference,” he starts. You remember. He’d gone to a week-long conference with the other people in his department, which you’d not really given much thought to, but that’s where it happened. While he was away. 

“The group had never been out together, in all the years we’d worked with each other, so on the last night we decided to go out drinking at some bar. It was all just good fun, until it wasn’t,” he says darkly and you waiver, but let him continue. 

“We got so drunk, God I was wasted,” he says with a shake of his head, “the kind of drunk where anything sounds like a good idea. Someone could suggest jumping off a bridge and you’d be like ‘fuck yeah, that’s the best idea I’ve ever heard’ because you’re just so out of your mind. Eventually we all had to go back to the hotel we were staying at, but I honestly can’t remember if it was because one of us suggested it, or because the bar staff wanted us out, but somehow I ended up in an Uber with Lia.” 

Lia. You’d met her several times at his office Christmas parties, and you knew she was the one he’d fucked without ever having to say her name. You choke down the whimper that wants to escape and wipe your tears away with the back of your hand. 

“She randomly admitted to me that I was her work crush, but I could barely comprehend what she was saying. The car was spinning. I kept looking out the window, but then she’d start talking again. She was telling me that her marriage was ending and she was depressed. She felt alone and hopeless - it was all so heavy - and then she started touching my leg, and scooting closer-,”

“Okay stop, stop,” you suck in a ragged breath. 

“I’m sorry,” he says, “I thought maybe being transparent was best, but the whole truth - without the gory details - is that there was no reason ___. I was drunk. She was drunk. I think I felt bad for her, but I don’t remember feeling anything. I don’t remember what we said, I don’t remember how it felt,” he drags a hand down his face, “I threw it away for nothing. I ruined us, everything we built, everything I loved, everything I wanted for absolutely fucking nothing.” 

You look away from him and hide your face so you can sob quietly. He places his hand on top of yours, and you stiffen, but don’t pull it away. 

“Please say something,” he urges. 

“I don’t know how to feel,” you sniff, “I don’t know if I should feel better because it was nothing or feel worse because you threw me away for nothing.” 

“I’m so sorry,” he repeats and you’re not sure how many times you’ve heard the words, a thousand - millions? Suddenly though, it doesn’t disgust you when he says he’s sorry.

“I hated you,” you say.

“I know,” he cries, “I deserve it.” 

“I hated you because it was your fault, you’re the one who ruined everything, you’re the one who should’ve suffered but instead I spent six months balled up in my apartment sobbing, screaming for you, screaming at you, I was a fucking mess Tae,” you sob. 

“I know, God I know that I hurt you so bad, and I know you may not want to hear it, and I know it was a different kind of pain but I swear to you I have been in agony for the past two years,” he sniffs. 

“I will never be the same,” you admit, to him and to yourself, “I will always feel like I’m not good enough, I will never be able to trust like I used to, and I will always wonder when someone is going to choose someone else over me and it’s all your fault!” 

“I’m so sorry ___,” he says. He scoots over close and starts to wrap his arm around you. God damn it you want him to. You want him to comfort you, you want to cry into his shoulder. You want it so bad. 

So you shove him into the pool, naturally. 

You watch him flail for a few seconds before he realizes the water is only waist deep, then he stands up, flinging his wet mop of hair from his face and sputtering water. 

“Are you kidding?” he squeaks, he looks like a drowned mouse. 

The look of utter shock on his face has you biting down hard on your lips trying to hold it together, but it comes out anyway. 

You laugh. You laugh so hard you can’t breathe, so hard that you snort, so hard that you feel like your chest is going to burst but you can’t stop. 

“Sorry, I gave in to my intrusive thoughts,” you tell him between gasps of air. 

“Intrusive…fuck,” he mutters, trying poorly to pull himself back onto the edge of the pool. You use your foot to shove him back in. 

“___!” he scream-laughs. 

“I couldn’t stop myself,” you shrug, still giggling. 

“Yeah?” he gives you a look as he pushes his wet hair out of his face. 

“No…” you warn, but before you can even get the whole word out he drags you in by your arms. 

“Bastard!” you squeal, wiping the water from your eyes. 

“Sorry, I gave into my intrusive thoughts,” he parrots and then splashes you for good measure. 

You shove him backward and he disappears under the waters surface, until you feel him grab you by the ankles. He pulls hard and you lose your footing, joining him under the water. You fight the sting of chlorine as you open your eyes, finding your target, and you reach out and pinch one of his nipples beneath his ruined sweater before pushing off the bottom to get air. 

“Oh that does it!” he jeers, dramatically rubbing his chest and leaping over to where you try to scramble out of the pool. He grabs you by the waist and drags you back down, pinning your arms with one of his and using his other hand to tickle you. 

“Stop! Please stop!” you plead between fits of laughter. 

You manage to loosen his grip and twist yourself until your chest is pressed against his. Suddenly playtime is over, and it’s just you looking up at him, his arms still around you, unrelenting. 

“What are we doing right now?” he whispers, pushing a wet piece of your hair off your cheek. 

“I think I’m forgiving you,” you say, and you rest your forehead against his chest as he holds you tighter. It feels so good that you continue to stand there, despite the absurdity of standing in a pool fully clothed. 

“This pool is closed, and those clothes are not appropriate swim attire to be wearing in the facilities,” a stern voice intrudes and you both spin around to see a very annoyed looking employee drumming her fingers on the top of the fence. 

“Sorry!” you yelp, jumping towards the pool stairs. 

“We were just going, we’re very sorry,” Taehyung echoes as he follows suit. 

“Yes, well, the pool rules are posted right here,” she taps a sign hanging on the fence aggressively, “for future reference. Have a good evening,” she grumbles, though she looks like she hopes the two of you have anything but. 

Taehyung grabs a few towels off a nearby caddy and you pour out the wine, then toss the bottle into a waste basket. 

Only a few people stare as the two of you walk towards the elevators, clothes drenched, but then again, there’s only a few people around at this hour anyway. You both grin like cheshire cats as the doors shut in front of you. 

Without giving it much thought, you reach over and lace your fingers into his, and when the elevator opens on the floor that’s been rented for the wedding, you lead him out and down the hallway to your room. 

“Wait,” he stops short, though he doesn’t let go of your hand as you slide the card into the door lock. 

“What?” 

“Are you sure you want me in there? I don’t want to wake up tomorrow morning and have you regret all of this,” he says, holding your hand to his chest. 

“I’m not going to, at least that’s not my plan,” you assure him as you cross the threshold - though if you’re being completely honest, you have no plan. You have no idea what you’re doing, or if it’s a good idea or a bad idea. 

“Then… what?” he wonders, looking like if he breathes the wrong way or says one wrong word you’ll smite him. 

“Take your wet clothes off and just lay down with me,” you shrug. 

“You want me to get naked, then get in your bed?” to say he looks stunned is an understatement. 

“Yes, if it will make you less uncomfortable I’ll sleep naked too,” you tell him with a shrug, pulling your skirt off. 

His eyes darken just a bit, “Is this some kind of torture? You want me to press my body against yours and try not to touch you?” he laughs, but his mouth sounds dry as a desert. 

“It’s not meant to be a punishment, but yes, that’s what I want. I want to lay here with you, in a very vulnerable state, because I want to know what it feels like. I want to know if it makes my skin crawl or if it makes me want you to fuck me and hold me against you the rest of the night. I’m testing the water, so to speak,” you say. You continue peeling wet layers of clothes off until you’re completely nude, then you pull down the sheets and get in. 

Taehyung stands there for about three seconds before he starts fighting his wet clothes off. You watch the lean muscles of his stomach ripple as he tugs the, very expensive looking, ruined cashmere off, and you lock eyes with him as he pushes his jeans and boxers off in one go. 

He’s hard, which isn’t very surprising, not that you’re just so incredibly irresistible that he can’t help it, but you understand what he’s going through because you are too. You’re wet, you can feel the slickness with every movement of your lower body. It’s been two years. You weren’t completely chaste in that time, though it was never anything that lasted more than a weekend, and the number of encounters were very few. You also aren’t sure if he was being honest about his two year celibacy streak, you’re not ready to accept that or not, but if it is true he’ll probably combust. You only take a tiny bit of inappropriate satisfaction from that. 

When he crawls in as well the two of you just lay on your backs, a whole other person could fit in the space between you, and you stay like that for a little while. 

“Skin crawling yet?” he asks timidly. 

“Not yet,” you sigh, and turn the lamp off, then roll over next to him, draping your bare thighs across his. You’re a little embarrassed that your slick slides against his leg. 

“Jesus christ,” he groans in a whisper as your hand slides up to find purchase on his chest, his arm coming around to pull you in close. 

“What about now?” he asks in a strain. 

“Nope. Not yet.” 

You’re being honest. It doesn’t make you sick, or angry, and it doesn’t make you feel like you’ve lost. There is no imaginary game. No imaginary score. Not anymore, and you breathe the first easy breath you’ve taken in two years. 

You take his hand that rests on top of yours and pull it down your torso, his fingertips brush over one of your nipples and your lips part against his shoulder. 

“Fuck,” he breathes out, and you continue pulling his hand lower and lower until his fingers rest above your cunt. 

“What do you want?” he asks, twisting over so you’re more under him than beside him. His fingers play idly in your soft tuft of hair, but he doesn’t try dipping them any lower. 

You take a deep breath, your pussy aching, “I think you owe me one, wouldn’t you say?” 

He nods, licking his lips, “I’d say I owe you a lot more than one, tell me, I’ll give you anything you want. Just tell me,” he urges you, his lips ghosting the side of your face. 

“I want you to touch me, and then I want you to go down on me like your fucking life depends on it,” you take his mouth with yours, sliding your fingers into his still damp hair to anchor him. 

You both let out involuntary moans when his fingers come in contact with your slit. He drags the wetness up from your entrance to your clit, circling around in a way that has you pushing back, spreading your thighs further for him. 

He toys with you as you kiss him, tongues teasing, teeth bumping, but his fingers persist. Then he pushes one in, followed by another and you groan. 

“Tae,” your voice is soft and pleading, and he delivers, thrusting his fingers into you hard and deep, the way you love. The way he knows you love. He pauses every so often to work your clit, and each time you have to hold yourself back, have to control your body so you don’t cum so soon, so you can enjoy it longer. 

“Does it feel good?” his voice is deep and scratchy in your ear and you nod, eyes closed, hips moving in time with his fingers, “Are you close?” 

You can’t help the breathy laugh that escapes, “Yes. So fucking close, fuck,” you curse as his fingers go back to your clit, this might be it, but he slows down. 

“Do you want me to finish you like this, or do you want me to eat you out? Because I really, really want to eat you out,” he smiles, taking your ear between his teeth gently. 

“Tongue,” you manage, “Definitely tongue but please keep using your fingers for the love of God.” 

“Absolutely,” he kisses you deeply once more before disappearing under the sheets. 

“Oh my god.” 

When his tongue drags up your slit, your back arches so far off the bed you’re pretty sure you’ll feel it tomorrow. Your mouth drops open as he fights your hips back down on the bed, tongue snaking and sliding over every centimeter of you. When you finally manage to settle down, he pushes his fingers back into you, lips wrapped around your sensitive bud in a gentle suck. 

Your eyes water at the sensation as you gasp and shake, then he switches to soft, wide licks and it finishes you. 

“Ohfuckohfuck,” your hands land on the sides of his head and you hold him in position as you cum, contracting rhythmically around his fingers, still buried inside you. 

When he resurfaces you immediately drag his wet mouth onto yours and wrap your arms around his neck. 

“More,” you tell him, reaching between your bodies to guide his cock to you. 

“I won’t last long enough for you to go again,” he warns. 

You shake your head, “I don’t care, just keep going, please,” you beg and it sounds so desperate but you don’t care anymore. 

“I missed you,” he whispers, and he pushes into your still throbbing cunt. “Oh fuck.” 

It feels like forever before he starts moving, thrusting in and pulling out agonizingly slow. You meet him with every push, grinding into him, connecting yourselves. 

“I can’t,” he whines, “I can’t hold it.” 

“Then don’t,” you tell him, dragging your nails down his back. 

“Shit,” he freezes on a particularly deep thrust and you feel him twitch, spilling himself inside. 

He collapses beside you, damp from sweat and breathless. He’s beautiful.

You scoot over and wrap yourself around him, like before, and he pulls you in, kissing the side of your head. 

“I missed you too,” you whisper, then close your eyes and let yourself rest against his chest. 

~~~~~~~~

You wake up to frantic knocking on your hotel door. 

“___! Hi, it’s me, Fi, I’m getting married today, in case you forgot - just mentioning it because you and I have an 8:30 appointment for massages and it is now,” a brief pause, “8:27 and I’ve not heard from you!” 

“Shit!” you scramble out of bed, grabbing the blanket as you go to wrap it around you.

“Ahh!” Taehyung whines, “Cold!” 

You open the door and greet her. 

“Oh my God,” she says, looking at your naked, disheveled state wrapped up in a hotel duvet. 

“Uhhhh…” 

“I’m cold!” Taehyung shouts from the darkness of the hotel room and you squeeze your eyes shut, bracing for her reaction. 

“Oh my GOD,” she screams. 

“I’ll meet you at the spa, I swear, just…go…just…I’m so happy and this is your special day…but go,” you stumble over the words. 

“I…” she points to the hall, “I’ll go. Meet me down there,” she says then jerks you close, “and be prepared to tell me fucking everything.” 

You pad back into the room, flipping on the light switch. Taehyung sits up and rubs his eyes. 

“Hi.” 

You slide into your bra and grab a shirt, “Hi,” you say back. “You have to go.” 

“Do I have to go because you’ve got somewhere to be? Or do I have to go because I make you nauseous and you don’t want to look at me anymore?” 

You press your lips together trying not to laugh, “You have to go because my best friend and your brother are getting married today, and we both have places we need to be - with them. After everything is over, we can figure all this out,” you say pointing between the two of you. 

“Promise?” 

“I swear.” 

He nods, then gets up grabbing his discarded clothes from the night before. 

“This is still wet,” he frowns, showing you his sweater. 

“Sorry about your fancy sweater,” you laugh. 

You’re not entirely sure what to say or do, so you stand on your toes and kiss his cheek. 

“I’ll see you later,” you tell him. 

He nods, “Later.” 

~~~~~~~~

When you check in at the spas front desk they send you to the waiting area, where Fi awaits you, looking very smug. 

“Don’t,” you tell her, taking the seat next to her. 

“Don’t what?” she says innocently, “Don’t bring up the fact that I just caught you red handed from spending the night with my brother-in-law?” 

“Technically he won’t be your brother-in-law until after 1 o’clock,” you point out. 

“Deflecting. Interesting. What does that mean I wonder?” she raises a brow. 

“Weren’t you and Namjoon both hounding me, telling me I needed to talk to him?” you ask. 

“Talk?” she snorts, “Boy, when you have a talk you sure go all out.” 

“We did talk!” you defend, “Before - we had a conversation at the pool.” 

“How did that go?” 

You think about it for a second and sigh, “Well, it definitely made me sad. It reminded me of everything I felt in those months after everything. I ugly cried clutching a bottle of wine,” you say with a half laugh. 

“I can tell, your eyes are grotesque - no offense - we’ll have to fix that for the photography later, but go on,” she compels. 

“So yeah, I cried, I told him how much I’d hated him and how miserable I’d been, he apologized for like the trillionth time and I don’t know, I felt different all of a sudden, I actually believed him. So I pushed him in the pool and ruined his cashmere,” you explain. 

“The cable knit Celine?” she gasps. 

“Jesus Christ,” you mutter, walking over to the coffee bar, praying it’s strong. 

“Sorry,” she says, “but that shit is easily more than two G’s. But yes, we’re talking about you, sorry. What made it feel different? And why did you push a grown man in cashmere into a pool?” 

“Something Namjoon said, the first night Taehyung was here after the bathroom incident, he kind of put things in perspective for me,” you tell her. 

She smiles dreamily, “Yeah, he kind of has a way of doing that huh? What was it he said?” 

“Imaginary games,” you say. 

“I don’t follow?” 

“Would you say I’m a forgiving person? That I handle offenses well?” 

“Abso-fucking-lutely not,” Fi says resolutely. 

“Agreed. I get in my head and keep score. If they hurt me, I have to hurt them worse and if I can’t, then I act like letting it go is losing, so I hang on to it and stay angry because in my sick little toxic mind, that means I’m still winning,” you sit back down and slurp the coffee. 

“Tired of winning now?” she says softly, taking your hand in hers with a squeeze. 

“Yes,” you sigh, lay your head on her shoulder, “I’m tired of winning now.” 

“Good.” 

~~~~~~~~~

Fi was stunning. No, more than that - she was traffic stopping, literally. In her custom wedding gown, guests and even strangers literally stopped in their tracks to stare at her. You cried all day at how beautiful and happy she looked. She glowed. You only looked away from her once really, to see Namjoons reaction when she cornered the aisle and came into view - worth it. 

At the reception Fi leans over to you, “I think someone has been itching to get you alone all day,” she whispers, nodding over to Taehyung who’s in the middle of a conversation with a cousin, but you see him side eyeing you every couple of seconds. 

“I’m your maid of honor Fi, it’s my job to be in your ass all day in case you need me,” you tell her, resisting the urge to run to him. 

“Okay. I appreciate that and everything, but I’m letting you go. Your job is complete, you married me off. Now go,” she nudges you out of your seat. 

You walk over to him as the cousin disappears back into the throng of people and he turns to you. 

“Dance with me?” he asks, and you nod as he takes your waist on the floor. 

You sway back and forth to some romantic jazzy number, resting your head on his shoulder, drinking in his scent and his warmth. You smile. 

“So what happens now?” he whispers, “What happens when we leave this paradise and have to go back to the dreary, gray city?” 

You look up at him, and he kisses you gently on the lips. 

“I think…” 

“Yes?” 

You tilt your head and smile, “I think we should start meal planning.” 

“Meal planning…” he looks perplexed, but then recognition reaches his eyes and his face softens. “Meal planning.” 

“Yes. It’s more cost effective, and it’ll be easier to eat healthy if we only buy what we plan for.” 

“Sounds like a good plan,” he grins, then pulls your head back onto his shoulder and the two of you continue dancing, even when the music changes to a more upbeat song, you just sway back and forth, pressed together tightly to make up for the distance you held for too long.

[markrosewater]

About the Phyrexian invasion thing, first, thanks for reading and responding to my novel of an ask. I appreciate that you go out of your way to address this kind of feedback.

Second, I recognize that it’s not clear how best to handle things like this when you don’t know how the audience will react, and I respect that you all did what you thought was best with the given information. I sent that ask more to explain how I and (I believe) others feel about how it was handled after the fact, not to try and convince you that it was wrong.

I also appreciate the narrative implications of Realmbreaker’s breeching the multiverse, creating the omenpaths, desparking most planeswalkers, and how that has shaped the upcoming arc. Actually I’m really interested in this arc because you’ve been able to do things that were never possible before. I also appreciate that there’s online story content for the vorthoses.

In other words, nothing you said is wrong, obviously. I was trying to articulate that there seems to be some kind of disconnect between the expectation that the audience had about how a Phyrexian invasion would play out and what your plans were. There seems to be some missing thing that really sells the idea of “yeah, the invasion was every bit as bad as you thought it would be, and then some.” Maybe it’s because stories like this generally have a “the bad guys won” moment before the good guys win (like Infinity War and Endgame), and March of the Machine seemed to have breezed through both.

Also, looking through the comments I see there are plenty of people who don’t want to dwell on the Phyrexians any longer than we have to.

Looking back, I do think we wanted to structure Phyrexia: All Will Be One and March of the Machine differently. I would have started the war in Phyrexia and had the bad guys are dominating moment be the stinger at the end of that set’s story. (Note: this is all my opinion.)

[ladypeonies]

"Acting is a dangerous profession."

credit.

Some people will watch this extract and just brush if off perhaps as fanservice and miss the point completely. What I like about Chris and Xuan it’s how candid and honest they are about the whole process.

The host says it all, “acting is a dangerous profession,” and both actors agreed. She’s right. So many fans don’t get it, and they focus on the superficial. It’s not just a dangerous profession in Asia. In my opinion it’s more challenging there because most of entertainment industries in Asia rely a lot on Method acting and immersion. You have notice how they call themselves by their character names, on and off set and it has several purposes. I won’t dwell on them here because this post would be too long.

And you have method acting which I have several issues with. It’s basically psychology. I’m not going to write an essay on it here, it basically means one can convince themselves of anything and you can become anyone you want. It’s becoming someone else entirely for a time, by changing your habits based on your environment. You study a character and become them, by assuming their point of view, mannerism, state of mind etc. If they drink you start drinking, if they love someone you love them too etc. Some actors are strongly against method acting for a reason and stick to use their imagination which is way safer. In a live Xuan talked about how physically and mentally it impacted him.

You are still yourself but you can’t escape your character, their emotions bleeds into you. And you use it to play the best version of them by using your body. Of course, Xuan fell in love with his co-star and had all those “evil” thoughts. He learned to fall in love with him and make him the centre of his universe. The preparation for the role, to build a bond took longer than the whole filming.

So, any actor in their shoes will feel the same, if they say no well, they are either lying or just bad method actors, that’s it, no in between.

The trick is to use those emotions while filming and then to be able to let them go. And that’s the issue, because for many it takes time to do so and get rid of them. Notice how Xuan doesn’t say while they were filming NC scenes he had evil thoughts but he was sitting there, so before or even after. The thing is if you hold on to those emotions it can hurt your mental health. They can be addictive. Under those circumstances sometimes there is a co-pendency which appear between actors. I remember an actor explaining how he basically went through a heartbreak because he got attached to his co-star who was engaged to someone else and he was full of emotions for his on-screen partner. And those emotions weren’t there before they started filming. And they knew each other, they were friends before and he never felt that way about them. And his mind knew they weren’t a good match but he kept longing for them.

I talked here about the bubble actors found themselves in. And the best remedy to get rid of those feelings, thoughts are a healthy distance, and being back to oneself. I hear often, “they’re just acting, it’s their job…” etc. Actors aren’t robot. There is a process to play a role and they all have a process to get out of a particular challenging role. Obviously, all roles aren’t the same.

Another thing: Chris and Xuan are friends and were friends but under the circumstances, they don’t have the same friendship they had before filming, the one from a year or two years ago. Friendship 101 had specific boundaries, and now there are new ones in friendship 201. It’s not possible to know the taste of your friend’s mouth, their skin, and be in the same exact friendship. Actors are not robots there isn’t a reset button. Now there is a new set of boundaries. Perhaps before there wasn’t any skinship now because there are use to each other touch, there is more skinship. Before they wouldn’t talk about certain subjects, now they can. I believe they gain and also lost some things. The only possibility MAYBE to go back to friendship 101 would be a complete separation for weeks, distance. But it’s not happening because there are promotions and also, you get use to seeing each other all the time, I guess.

Now method acting and falling in love, it happens of course, but has to go through the test of time and distance.

One has a girlfriend/boyfriend and start method acting with a co-star? LOL. 9 out 10 people will break up with their significant other, the GF or BF will leave, it happens all the time.

PS1: I also took the opportunity to answer a couple of asks.

PS2 :Translation by Wava please be kind to your translators and grateful for the work they do, I personally hate translating it can be so taxing.

[beansricejc]

Hello 👋 can I pls request boyfriend headcanons for John Constantine? Both sfw and nsfw if you're not uncomfortable? Thanks ❤️

of course nonnie!

cw: possessive behavior, p in v, cursing, smoking

the thing is, i cannot physically imagine this man as a boyfriend. he hates labels. he doesn’t want to over complicate his life and potentially put you in danger by giving you the title of his girlfriend.

“she’s not my girlfriend.” he’d grit his teeth, denying it all together. “i just fuck her, that’s it. well, and we go out, and have dinner at her’s occasionally, and i may have accidentally met her grandma. but she’s not my god damn girlfriend.”

“yeah,” chas would roll his eyes and pass constantine a beer. “whatever you say, dude.”

you two met on somewhat normal of circumstances. that’s why he’s stayed as long as he has, he doesn’t associate his first impression of you with any sort of shitty job. no demons, no half angels, no anything.

i said somewhat.

it was some club that he had been to before in his younger years. he wanted some pussy and to get drunk while doing it. so fuck it. some shit head, a 5’6 dumbass knocked into him and cussed him out in front of the whole bar. turns out, that the short asshole, was your date that night.

the last time he saw that little shit, the dude had walked in on constantine holding you up in the men’s bathroom. his nails dug into the flesh of your ass while he thrusted into your sopping cunt. and the eye contact you two made in that dingy restroom? with his hot breath smelling of gin and cigarettes, you relished in it’s scent while being fucked by constantine, with your date finding himself cucked in the doorway.

what’s a better way to get back at an asshole than fucking his date?

just because you two technically aren’t a couple, doesn’t mean Constantine isn’t a jealous SOB. he doesn’t have much in this world, so anything close to him, he’s stupidly possessive over.

“so, I saw your car at that new bar on Thursday.” constantine would grumble, lighting a cigarette in his weird excuse of an apartment.

“yeah, and? what about it?” you’d reply, changing the channel on the tv to the bachelorette. (he claims he can’t stand that show but will comment his varying opinions on the drama, classic)

“well, what the hell were you up to?” his tone agitated, frowning over at you.

you’d sigh, rolling your eyes. “i was on a date, john.” you ripped the band aid clean off. he’s a grown man, he can handle it.

well, that’s what you assumed.

that’s until your face is pressed into one of his cheap pillows on his bed, his bony hips slapping against the cusp of your ass, as he spanks it over, and over, and over again. the stirring in your core repeats, just on the brink of a blood curdling orgasm. constantine has been denying you of the satisfaction of cumming, he grabs a fistful of your sweaty locks by the base, yanking your head back so you’re forced to look up at him.

“bet he can’t fuck you like me. can he? nah, I’m the only one who knows just how you like it, fuckin’ brat. you don’t deserve my cock, i should have just given you the tip and let you suffer.”

your loud moans and other sinful noises bounce off of the unkempt walls of his dwelling. constantine would pry your mouth open, spitting directly into it, his saliva landing right onto your tongue. yet another power play he can pull, just to humiliate you.

“you’re fuckin’ mine, these tits are mine,” his calloused hands pawing at your bosom. “this ass is mine.” SMACK! you shriek in pain, while he hammers his length deeper into you. “this cunt? yeah, that’s mine, and you got the best baby. so tight, so god damn warm, all for me, right?” his grip on the roots of your hair tightens, shooting pain down your scalp.

“yeah! yes yes yes, john, it’s all yours! f-f-fuck!”

constantine would snicker, grabbing his still lit cigarette from the ash tray on the bedside table and taking a long drag. he blew the smoke right back into your face, which makes you cough and wheeze.

“that’s what I thought. no one else’s, just mine.”

[hellobabydoll333]

The Dilemma of ‘Feeling(s)’ & Why You Should Keep the Focus on Yourself

Sometimes I get into the feeling of having and then I’m anxious. I don’t want it to end. I want to know what I should do if/when it ends. So I panic n over-consume- desperate to keep it alive, and then it ends.

We all know that to manifest you just assume. But unfortunately some of us are dealing with circumstances that makes our mind think it’s not that easy. But it is, don’t get me wrong. However, the pressure, the anxiety and the fear is all real. And this is how Law of assumption ties in with mental health and wellness.

I talked about my problem above but luckily I’ve found something that helps and I’m gonna share it with you. If you’ve read my blog, you’ve maybe seen that I live by 3 things:

I am pure consciousness

It is done.

Fuck anything or anyone that says otherwise.

They’re all pretty self explanatory but I shall do a quick dive into all three.

I am Pure Consciousness

I believe I am the creator of my reality and anything can be created at anytime BUT everything I want is already created and I just have to choose what to be aware of just like how I don’t identify with my outer body, but instead, the ‘inner man’ or my soul. I really resonate with this because the soul isn’t something I can see but I know it’s there. So therefore I’m pure consciousness.

It is done

LOA is based off of assumptions as is said in the name. Whatever you assume to be true is true. It’s all about what you assume to be true. If you assume you have all your desires, you do. Which is why we say it is done. Assume it is done and it is so.

Fuck anything/anyone else that says otherwise

As the goddess of my reality, why would I have to care about what anyone else says? I decide, not anyone else. I’m not meant to ever give my power away to anyone or anything ever. I shouldn’t let anyone’s opinions ever affect me or take control of my actions, thoughts or assumptions. It is always me. Why would I let someone influence me into believing that I am anything other than I say I am?

Keep the focus on YOURSELF

After I remind myself of these three principles, I’ll move on. Some people say that obsessing over your desire is fine and is something normal. I agree but if you’re like me obsessing can lead to negativity- thoughts questioning everything and everyone. Sometimes I do dwell in knowing I have everything I want, but when I realize it’s turning into something negative and questioning, I shift my focus. I’m low key a procrastinator (working on it) so I got shit to do always.

The most important thing I’ve been procrastinating is myself. I’ve been looking for ways to better myself and I noticed it’s by learning more about me. Not letting anyone decide who I am. I know that I’m the best version of myself but as I get to know myself more and more I find out how and I find out more and more who this best ver of self is. Who is she? Me.

So something’s I’ve been doing is focusing on participating in more hobbies. And your hobbies don’t need to be destructive, you can do so many things like learn a language- which is fun and educational, you can read- expands your vocabulary, knowledge and is fun. And there are many more. My fav pastimes

And I’ve been focusing on bettering myself, baby steps but I’ve been building a morning, night and other little routines for myself that’ll only do good for myself now and in the long run.

And allat to say

It’s okay if you slip up. We all have our moments however it isn’t the end of the world. During these times make sure you take care of yourself and your mental health and remember that your thoughts not anyone else don’t hold the power- you do. It is done. There’s nothing to stress or worry about. If you ever need someone to talk to (as long as it isn’t trauma dumping) or you have any questions, you can always send me an ask. <3

hellobabydoll333

If you read this already because I accidentally posted it two times… no you didn’t

[youreallyshouldtalkmore]

Douse of Water

A.N: Believe it or not, my favorite drink is water, followed by tea. And whose favorite drink is also water? A man of class...yes, yes...

Neuvillette x Reader! 

Genshin Impact MasterList

------

“So, what’s this about?” You asked as you sat down on the lounge in Neuvillette’s office. It didn’t escape you that a roll away table in front of you held…1,2,3, ah….9 glasses. 

Nine glasses of water. 

You were quickly seeing where this was going. 

Neuvillette sat next to you before crossing his legs and gazing at you. He only tapped a finger on the table once before locking them on his knees. 

You smirked, “Ai, you suddenly feel the need to test my taste of water? Is this because I said I was positive that I had been in Teyvat long enough to distinguish the difference?” 

He gave a lazy ripple of his shoulders, “I merely wish to provide you an array of options. After all, getting water from other lands is quite difficult to come by. And if I happen to gauge where your words fall on the spectrum of things, isn’t that all the better?”

You gave a side-eye, “Did you nicely say that you need to verify if my words were indeed true?” 

He lifted his chin, but you could well see the laughter in his eyes, “Well, I am a judge after all.” 

“Don’t you feel you do enough judging? You want to add more to your schedule? 

“But this is a judgement I’m quite interested in making.” 

“Oh-ho, so you aren’t interested in your usual cases?” 

“Please don’t jest. That is a different interest and a far more solemn one.”

“This you, trying for a joke, isn’t it?” 

Neuvillette cocked his head to the side, “A joke? Is that would this would be?” 

“This is a more amusing judgement on your part, hence a joke.” 

“Hm, perhaps I could accept that. Be that as it may, you stated that you had come to love water quite a bit since falling to Teyvat. I had never met anyone else who was as interested in water as you are. After all, I remember you said, that that water in your world had….a distinct flavor.” 

You tsked, “This is one area, you don’t have to be so polite. It was bad. Very bad!” 

“Far be it from me to put words in your mouth, especially about a world I do not know about.” 

You pouted and folded your arms, “Morons had messed up the world so bad, I didn’t know that the air and water could be so delicious until I came here. The first time I tasted water was here in Fontaine, and I never realized it could taste so…so pure.” 

Your head slowly migrated into your hand, “Ah, if my world had gotten it together a century or so earlier, maybe the water would have still been fresh. Irony being I didn’t know that until I came here. I had been robbed my entire life and didn’t know it.” 

You rubbed your temple at the memory. One of many from your world, you’d rather not dwell on anymore. You never thought you’d be so glad when you were plucked from that that world and thrown into this one. At first, you thought you had landed on an alien planet, as you woke up in the village of the Melusines….. 

A soft touch on your arm, jolted you back to the present, “Forgive me. I did not mean to have you recall painful memories, Y/N.” 

You lifted your head and was instantly captured by Neuvillette lavender ones. He always had beautiful eyes in your opinion. 

The Iudex drew his eyebrows together, the soft touch turning into a soft grip on your arm, “Y/N? Are you well?” 

“Ahh! I’m fine!” You snatched your gaze away and looked off. Even now, his eyes had the ability to make you feel as if you were drowning. 

And you did not want to come up for air. 

You felt a warmed gloved hand come under your chin, and slowly brought your gaze back to his concerned ones, “Y/N…what does this mean? Are you sure you are okay? We don’t have to do this if it’s making you uncomfortable.” 

Neuvillette was a man unaware of his own power, at least in that regard. You managed to mentally shook yourself and gave a lopsided grin, reaching up with both hands to grab his hand and pull it down, “Of course not. It’s just water. Don’t worry about me.” 

Your eyes were drawn to his hand squeezing both of yours as he spoke, “Don’t say such words. I will always worry about you. I sometimes admit I still do not understand the nuisances of human emotion, so pardon me, for my foolish questions.” 

You felt yourself warm at his words as you squeeze his gloved hand once more before letting go, “There is no pardon necessary, Monsieur Neuvillette. I think you are doing a rather stellar job. Sometimes too stellar.” 

He seemed genuinely confused then, “How does one do too stellar a job, I wonder?” 

“Like now.” 

“....” 

“Neuvillette, you….I…..never mind. The water…let’s taste the water.” You weren’t sure you wanted to explain exactly what you meant. 

Neuvillette gazed at you a long moment but decided to let it go. 

For now. 

He brought his hands to fold in his lap as he sat back, “Well, whenever you are ready.” 

You looked at the table. The fine glasses were sitting in a neat row, in front of numbers. 

“My favorite number: 7…”, you stated, picking up that glass before taking a drinking. 

Neuvilllette watched as a please smile fell on onto your face. Yes, he quite liked to see these emotions display on your face and not the fear that he saw when he first met you. You were the definition of a fish out of water, when you woke up in the Melusine’s village.  You had inadvertently caused a panic, as you just suddenly appeared in a random villager's house. Thankfully, it seemed you were not a threat, although Neuvillette remembered the fear he fought as he quickly made his way down to the village. 

As soon as he stepped into the house, he saw you had pressed yourself into a corner and looked for all the world like a frightened rabbit. The plate of food in front of you was untouched, as well as the water. You only tensed even more when he entered the house. It took awhile for him to get you to respond. For a little bit, he wasn’t sure you even understood the language. However, you finally decided to speak. 

After a while, he managed to coach you to come with him. The trust was fragile in those days, but eventually he became your strongest supporter in settling down in a new world. You had even come to love the Melusines and no longer saw them as a threat. Ironic, that now, you if you went to the village you would have a swarm of Melusines, especially the young, all vying for your attention. Archons help you, if you showed up ready to do their hair. 

Neuvillette gave a private smile at the thought. 

“The hills are alive with the sound of music….” you murmured, “This is definitely Mondstadt. Ah, I’ve never tasted a water so pure and clean. It’s like drinking air. I quite like…” 

Neuvillette smiled, “Correct. But that is probably an easy one.” 

You eyed him over the glass as you finished the Mondstadt water. You decided not to say anything as you chose glass # 3. After all, you could let your actions speak louder. 

You brought it to your lips and gave a winced, “Ugh, I swear Inazuma water always electrocute me and not in a good way. This is some of the strongest water in this land. I don’t like it. It’s fresh and clean, but too much going on.” You didn’t finish drinking that water and set the glass down. 

“Correct. And I agree, Inazuman water is quite the acquired taste.” 

You brought glass #4 to your lips. You really hoped this would be palate cleansing, “Ah, this one is also strong but a gentle strength that smacks you once, but you really like it. Like spicy food. Natlan.” 

“Correct.” 

“And glass #1…..” You gave a sip before slowly bringing it down and gazing at Neuvillette. You were trying not to break out in laughter, although your eyes danced, “I would suspect that if I got this wrong, you would sentence me quite harshly.” 

“You are correct, Madame Y/N….this is one that if you get nothing else right, this one you should. It….has quite a distinct flavor.” 

“Ohh…?” You sung, “Hm, pure and fresh but has an elegant sweetness that lingers.” You took another sip, both your gazes locked on the others, “Quite clean, its purity is really top grade. Almost translucent, if such a word could have a taste.” 

Neuvillette leaned forward a pace, then, “Your verdict?” 

You took another sip of water, teasingly. 

“Must I find you in contempt of court?” 

“Oh no, your honor. Obviously this is the water of this beloved nation.” 

Neuvillette sat back, “Correct.” 

You picked up glass #2 and gave a sip before again side-eyeing Neuvillette, “You know, I wondered why there were 9 glasses and only 7 lands. Some had to be double. Mondstadt. Really good…” You drunk the glass in its entirety. 

“Correct.” 

“And glass #5…..ah, I hear the birds and can taste the sunshine. Not as hot as Natlan, but has heat. Sumeru.” 

“Correct.” 

“And #8….” You grimaced as it slid down your throat and gave a shiver, “Ah, Snezhnayan water is so cold. It’s almost too cold for me to enjoy.” You gingerly took another sip and put it down, “Nope, still too cold.” 

“Correct.” 

You picked the final glass, #6 and gave a sip, “And to finish it off, water from Fontaine again!” 

“Congratulations, you got all of them correct.” 

“And now you have verified that my words were not just mere words.” 

“Then allow me to apologize. You have proven my wrong. You are indeed a water connoisseur.” 

You gave a sly look, “Much like yourself, then?” 

“Yes, I suppose that would be true.” 

“So, what do I win?” 

Neuvillette raised an eyebrow, “Win?” 

You turned to him, “My prize, for getting them all correct.” 

“I don’t remember us agreeing to any such prize.” 

You gave a mock scowl, “You better have a prize for me! I want a prize.” 

Neuvillette gazed down at you for a long moment as you pouted up at him. 

“Hm, perhaps I can offer something sweeter than the best water on this table. Only if you permit, of course.” 

He piqued your interest then as your eyebrows shot up, “Really? What? I permit, I permit!” You reflexively looking around, wondering what it could be. 

It was only when you felt a hand behind your head that you looked back in time for Neuvillette to capture your lips with his. Your surprise wore off quickly as you leaned into him. Placing your hands on his chest, you fairly melted into him. His other hand came to capture your cheek, subtly angling your head. 

Neuvillette chuckled as he pulled away and looked at you, who looked a little dazed. He quite liked watching these kinds of emotions flit upon your face. Leaning forward, he nuzzled his nose into your cheek. 

“So what is your verdict? Is it sweeter or no?” 

“Sweeter? Very much so. In fact, I’d like to throw myself at the mercy of the court….” 

“Oh, and?” 

“...” 

“...” 

“Don’t play, Monsieur Neuvillette. You know, well, what I mean.” 

A deep chuckle reverberated in the room, “Indeed. This time I do. You wish to sample such a palate again, no? Does that not require you to order from the menu? The server knows not what to bring unless the customer asks, yes?” 

You just deadpanned looked at him, “You have a profound ability to take the long way around.” 

“It’s a gift. As a judge, one must be able to see all angles.” 

You thumped his chest with both hands once, “How? How does that have anything to do with what we are talking about?” 

He reached up with one hand and caressed the back of yours, “You are trying to bribe the judge. Do you admit it?” 

Suddenly a knock sounded on the door had Neuvillette pulling away, even though it was rather reluctantly, “Enter.” 

You pouted quickly once before Sedene, the Meslusine receptionist, came in, “Forgive the disturbance, Monsieur Neuvillette. Your 4’o clock will be here in five minutes. You said wanted a warning.” 

“Yes, thank you!” He turned to you with regret in his eyes after Sedene exited, “It seems we will have to continue this later.” 

“Yeah, I know. I’m glad you could pencil me in, though.” You smiled graciously as you stood. You grabbed the roll away table, “I’ll wheel this out for you. You need to focus back on your….” 

You were pulled suddenly and found yourself pressed against Neuvillette, who gave you a hungry kiss. Wrapping your hands around him, you could feel his desire, and his regret at the short meeting, and a thousand other things that went unsaid. 

As quick as it came, he pulled back, “Forgive me. It seems I could not resist. Thank you, Y/N, for your understanding.” 

His fingers lingered along your jaw as you quickly tried to compose yourself, “Yeah, yeah, you’re welcome.” 

Then your head snapped up when your hand was picked up, and you watched Neuvillette place a chaste kiss on the back of it, his eyes never leaving yours. 

“You…aren’t doing yourself any favors. You have a 4 o’clock.” you whispered after a moment lingered with neither of you moving. 

Neuvillette straightened, “Hotel De’ Bosis, 8 o’clock dinner. How does that sound?” 

You smiled, “That sounds wonderful.” 

[heartfullofleeches]

Supernatutral Yandere Harem x GN reader

Word count: 1k

Warning; swearing

/1/2/3/

“Honey, what are you doing?”

“Quiet, Sharon. It’s happening again.”

-

With time, you had reluctantly grown used to all the new members of your household. As a break for your dwelling sanity, the latest addition wasn’t as clingy as the others. Though they gave the occasion stare and more of your belongings had gone missing than ever before, the reaper kept to themselves for the most part. With their distance and the fact they save your life; you didn’t mind them as much. Plus they had a literal hold of your heart, but you tried not to think about that as much. As an added bonus, they didn’t try to take over your bed like Alasdair and Baron had; instead choosing the couch as their makeshift bed. This wasn’t much of a problem… until you happened to need a place to sit down or lost something. 

“Shit… where are my keys.” 

You mutter in frustration as you search your dresser for your house keys, opening one of its drawers to check there. After failing to wake up due to some mysterious force, you now had to rush to get ready for work. Said force was still half asleep in your bed, arms wrapped around your pillow and occupying the space that you once did. 

“Baron, did you take my keys again?”

He shakes his head, burying his face further into the pillow. “No… but maybe that means you should just stay home today.”

“Not happening.” You hear him whine after you as you exit the room, heading towards the kitchen where the smell of toast and brewed coffee hit you in the face. Alasdair sat at the table, a plate across from him and a cup in his hand. 

“Good morning, Y/n.”

“Have you seen my keys?”

“No, I haven’t. Coffee?”

You take the cup and a small sip with it, immediately handing it back to him. It was black, and you didn’t even have a coffee maker to begin with. He mouths the rim where your lips once where as you rush from the room and onto the next.

The grim reaper was lying on the couch as always, curried around a pillow with your shirt as its cover. 

Most people would freak out seeing a being from beyond the veil laying on their couch as would anyone who saw an angel or demon in the room prior, but when they looked like a tired college student and you’ve already had two other celestials in your home; the only thing that mattered was not being late to work again. 

“Hey. Wake up. I need to see if my keys are in the couch.”

They stir lightly, but their eyes remain shut.

“Maddox, come on I’m going to be late.”

That definitely catches their attention. They look up at you, slumber gone from their eyes. 

“What did you just say?”

“Maddox. That’s what I’ve been calling you in my head for the past few weeks. Can you move?”

Maddox slowly rises, a bubbly feeling arisen in their chest. They had never had a name before, only listed before as a mere number. It was one of the reasons they failed to give you their title until now. Names were more of a mortal thing, but upon being given one their opinion changed drastically. Their face felt slightly warm. Maddox – it’s nice.

“What the fuck?”

Baron stands at the entrance to the living, a mix of heartbreak and anger in his eyes.

You fish out your keys from the cushions. “Found them.”

“You gave them a name?”

You place the set in your pocket. “Yea, what about it?”

“What about it? What about me? I’ve asked you to give me one since we first met.”

“I needed something to call them by, and I’m pretty ninety percent sure giving them a name wouldn’t tie me to them, unlike whatever demon laws that exist.”

“I need to go. See you later.” You leave, despite Baron’s protests. He then turns his aggression on the property target, who had been sitting quietly until then.

“What makes you so damn special?”

“I don’t know. Maybe it’s because of our connection?” 

Baron's eyes narrow. “Are you trying to imply you’re Y/n’s favorite?”

“ I’m not implying anything, but.. I am in possession of their heart. If it weren’t for me you wouldn’t even be with them now. The sands of time are lonely, but we could have made due there.”

“I literally own their soul.”

“But they have yet to give you a command.. doesn’t that make the contract void?”

“Listen here motherfucker-"

“What is going on in here?” Alasdair enters from the kitchen, morning ruined by the overheard bickering. 

“Y/n gave them a name and hasn’t given me one yet, when I’m clearly the favorite.” 

Alasdair sighs. “That’s a stretch if I’ve ever heard one. Y/n cares about us all equally, which isn’t very much as it is. If anyone is their favorite it would be me. I’ve been with them their entire life.”

“I’m a better guardian than anyone. Noone has bothered them since I came around.”

“Weren’t you by their side when they got shot?” 

Everything goes silent. Baron stared blankly at the angel. His chest heaves. His jaws unhinge, growls seething through clenched teeth.

“You son of a-"

-

Your neighbor sits on his front porch, watching everything unfold through a crack in your curtains. Nobody believed him when he said your house was full of monsters and whenever he tried to take pictures they came out warped. So now, he was stuck with being the only one with knowledge of your roommates, and the only one who shared in the loss of sanity. 

-

You walk faster as you hear your windows rattling in their frames. Not your circus, not your monkeys – at least until you got home. You spot your neighbor in his chair by his steps. You wave slightly, he hurries inside.