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#I don’t have problems with food or eating disorders or anything
prisonpodcast · 5 months
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devil-changmin · 2 years
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Eating disorder warning / emetophobia warning in tags
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boomerang109 · 5 months
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#tw disordered eating#no because at what point do I admit to myself that just because it’s wrapped up in a couple extra layers of neurodivergence and sensory#sensitivity at the end of the day I find comfort in not eating and the control of hunger#and like I genuinely don’t have enough energy to get through the day because im simply not eating enough and can’t remember the last time#i have and like at what point do I admit that this is actually a problem#cause like I haven’t seriously looked into a job for the summer cause im like. idk if ill be able to feed myself#but I keep being like ‘oh it’s just an adhd issue’ ‘it’s a meal prep issue’#what if it’s a fear of change issue#what if starving myself is the only goddamn thing I can control in this world even if I don’t admit to myself#i don’t know what to do and I don’t know how to get better#and I have so much shame because I grew up hearing about my mom having an eating disorder in her twenties and it was always like well don’t#worry mom you’re raising me with a better relationship with food so I won’t have that issue#well guess who’s in their twenties and went to one session with a dietician and the dietician was concerned they were malnourished lmao#(i don’t think i checked off enough of the symptoms to actually qualify. but still. the fact that it was a consideration?)#and I just. I literally don’t know where im going to go this summer#because I need someone to teach me how to eat. to teach me how to grocery shop and meal prep and cook#because I KNOW im capable of all those things but no one has ever walked me through all the steps so it’s too scary to me rn to do#but I literally cannot even fathom making anyone put up with my presence for 3 months let alone being like ‘oh also will you help me get#better? cause I’ve tried on my own and it’s just not working’#i just put the tw here but I moved it to the top so people could be warned before reading but#love that I refuse to use anything other than that tag because that would be admitting this was real#im just starving myself and never gained back the weight I lost four years ago from starving myself im sure this is all suuuuuper normal and#just a silly little phase#(fr tho if i need any other tws let me know i don’t wanna trigger anyone)
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astrow1zar6 · 10 months
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Astrology Observations- 013
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I notice Cap Mercurys think so maturely even from such a very young age. These were those kids that always wanted to hang around people older than them. They are old souls at heart and sometimes it’s harder for them to connect with more childlike energies. People their age can see them as boring because of their serious demeanor.
Leo Risings never like to show the sides to them that make them look bad in anyway. These people have big egos so any assumption from others that they aren’t anything but great can take a big toll on their self esteem. They come off so confident but most are really insecure & don’t think they are interesting so they tend exaggerate a lot of facts about them to keep people thinking they are really interesting and amazing. (U guys don’t need ti do that people already think you are before you even speak)
Capricorn risings always look so annoyed when people are speaking to them. Most of the time they are. They have very honest expressions and when someone says something stupid or uninteresting they are more willing to show their uninterested while most are just willing to smile and take it out of being polite. This is why they can come off as rude or snobbish but really the just don’t have time for bullshit. (I definitely think Wednesday Addams has this placement) many don’t know they are being rude but most don’t have the energy to be fake if they really don’t like what the others saying. Very Real people many mistake them for being Scorpio risings.
Venus in Scorpios were probably shamed a lot for their their sex appeal/drives. I notice these people have a very provocative vibe to them that causes a lot of ppl to sexualize them ( especially the women). I’ve seen women with this placement be virgins and still get slut shamed. People always assume they sleep with mad people even if it’s not true.
Moon in 5th housers are actually very secretive about their talents. A lot are so talented but most tend to keep their hobbies and interests to themselves unless they really trust you.
When someone with Venus in the 7th house likes you they will talk about their future a lot with you. This one guy had a big crush on me and would always joke about getting married and starting a life someday ( he made it sound as a joke but in a way I can tell he meant it). Also can be obsessed with weddings. I have a friend with this placement who says she’ll only wanna get married to experience having her dream wedding lol
Venus in 2nd house women always have people buying them things bro. They don’t even have to ask and men will be buying them expensive gifts or paying for their food or trips. Definition of pretty privilege.
Mars in Aquarius like very eccentric things in bed. It’s almost like they enjoy the opposite of what should be expected in bed. Like the women would like to take normally the male role in bed and vice versa a man with this placement could like a very submissive role. The weirder and more out of place the more turned on they get. Can also be really experimental they are willing to try anything once even if it’s outlandish.
Mars in Aries are usually natural athletes. They have amazing endurance and can become pros faster than most.
Virgo moons usually have bad stomach problems or eating disorders. They are also always giving unsolicited advice no one asked for. They feel this need to solve everything but it can come off as kinda judgmental.
Mars in Pisces are usually victims to bullying. They usually have a hard time asserting themselves and standing up so they get pushed around a lot easier by stronger more dominant energies.
Cap moons are always in denial of their feelings
Mars Square Venus synastry can be really awkward at times in a friendship. Theres this bizarre sexual and touchy tension usually that both aren’t fully comfortable with. The mars person can come off a little too strong and can treat the Venus as if they own them. This attraction can be one sided sometimes with the mars person wanting the Venus and the Venus getting repulsed and distancing themselves. I’ve seen the mars person get jealous if the Venus would hang out with others whether it be other friends or family. And if the Venus is dating someone else this can get really heated on the mars end. Venus will feel the attraction but I notice it’s not as strong.
Venus in 5th house synastry is soooooo flirty. These are those cheesy cringey couples that are always acting like little kids around eachother. It’s actually a really sweet placement. This person will be able to bring out your inner child.
Venus in Libras are always crushing on someone. They jump into relationships I think faster than people with Venus in Aries the only difference is that they can maintain longer term partnerships & don’t bore as quick (even if their feelings are a little superficial). They just don’t know what to do with themselves when they are alone.
Scorpio risings I notice get really strong reactions out of people (like Lilith/asc people) their words make others blood boil even if they really don’t say anything offensive or rude. Most people are jealous of their authenticity which is why a lot of Scorpio risings are quiet and not as willing to open up. People just hate on them so intensely for the littlest things. They also have this ability to know if people are genuine or not which can be intrusive to certain people causing intense reactions. They can see thru everyone’s mask which can make other feel uncomfortable to be around them. This is why they usually have few friends and the friends they do have are as authentic as themselves. Literal human lie detectors
Men that have a water sun with a water moon are BIG SIMPS
Cancer sun women will be passively rude to you if they don’t like you or are jealous of you. They won’t straight say it but they will say little comments in a nice way that’s actually really rude. Then usually play victim if confronted
Everyone’s crush in high-school was either a Scorpio sun or a Libra sun/rising. Tell me I’m lying
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itssliyahhxoxo · 3 months
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Can you do a Paige x reader were reader has an eating disorder but dosent tell Paige
(𝐏𝐀𝐈𝐆𝐄 𝐗 𝐁𝐋𝐀𝐂𝐊𝐑𝐄𝐀𝐃𝐄𝐑)
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Eating wasn’t a problem for you until the 7th grade, that’s when the bullying started this one boy would always pick on you and call you names as a kid breaking you. By the 9th grade you had lost a lot of weight and watched what you ate.
You do have your days were you don’t eat at all or some days when all you can do is eat sometimes Paige has to remind you to eat, she never really thought about it much but the more and more you didn’t eat the more she noticed.
You and Paige were out just the two of you, “what do you want” Paige asked pulling up next in the McDonald’s driveline “nothing,I’m not hungry” you told her. She looked at you worried, she knew you didn’t eat all day that’s what confused her.
She ordered what she wanted before looking at you “and can I get a happy meal” she added making you look up at her “you going to get drew” you asked confused “no, it’s for you” she replied pulling up to the window to pay “I told you I wasn’t hungry” you reminded her.
“I don’t care,I know you haven’t eaten all day” she told you “I did eat” you mumbled looking down pulling at your fingers “yeah, when” Paige asked grabbing the food and pulling off.
“You were asleep” you told her looking at the happy meal that sat in your lap “I’ll believe it when I see it” she told you stopping at a red light “so,dig in”
You too were back home and you still haven’t opened the happy meal. “Babe you have to eat something” Paige sighed following after you “Paige, I will please just drop it” you yelled slamming the bathroom door after you. With a quiet sob you slide down the door letting your tears fall knowing it got bad again.
Paige just stood there slightly shocked not knowing what she did wrong “what’s wrong, talk to me” she whispered sitting down, her back to the door waiting for your answer “you won’t get it” you mumbled wiping your tears away.
“Try me” she told you. “When I was a kid..I was picked on for my weight. And it got to me a lot, it got to me so bad bad that..I stopped eating, I would do everything and anything to lose the weight. And when I did I promised myself that I would never end up like that again” you told her holding back tears remembering the struggle you went through.
Paige just sat there and listened to everything you had to say. “I ended up in the hospital, that were they told me I had an eating disorder..I Try so hard to forget and move on but it’s hard” you whispered.
Realizing how quiet Paige was you stood up and slowly opened the door. Paige sat on the floor processing everything you just told her “Paige” you asked, she looked up at you tears in her eyes without realizing her arms wrapped around your waist as she softly cried “I’m so sorry, I pushed you a-and I shouldn’t have I’m-“.
“Paige it’s ok you didn’t know” you cut her off “I’m still sorry” she shook her head still not letting you go “if I eat the happy meal,will you let me go” you sighed looking down at her. She looked up at you and immediately shook her head yes, she let you and ran to the kitchen to get your food.
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nayatarot777 · 9 months
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Lilith in Taurus/2nd House
this is intuitive astrology. meaning that i’m making these notes based on what i intuitively pick up about this astrological point being merged with these signs. take it with a grain of salt and understand that you might not relate to everything that i get from your placement 🖤
Astrology Masterlist
taurus is all about the physical realm, as it’s an earth sign. taurus energy is related to your physical senses, your physical appearance in terms of aesthetics, food, personal income + money - security, basically. everything that you need on a basic level to feel secure and comfortable as a person.
therefore, the experience of having lilith in taurus is one that includes people shaming you for wanting to feel comfortable and secure. people shaming your aesthetic, shaming you for wanting to look good, for wanting to make money, for wanting to enjoy the literal basic luxuries of life - even down to the food that you eat.
people made you feel ashamed for wanting to savour things - like the meals that you had. this placement will have people not liking when you seem comfortable and content. it’s hater energy to the fullest degree, coming from people who feel like they can’t relax and enjoy the simple joys of life themselves. so why should you, right?🙄
^ you ever had a parent (or anyone else for that matter) not enjoy you sleeping, eating, lounging around, and relaxing? no matter how much you may have worked hard for that entire week or month or few months even - as soon as they see you relaxing, it’s a problem. this is why. your lilith energy is a reflection of what they feel like they don’t have for themselves. they don’t have peace so they try to disturb yours.
your peace triggers people fr. when people can tell that you’re content in a situation or with life in general, they’ll bring some bs your way to disrupt that. of course these are usually people who are always in chaotic situations or who are just chaotic people mentally + emotionally themselves. they get jealous of you being the opposite (or at least seeming that way).
lilith in taurus/2nd house can also bring shame around food. it always reminds me of secret eating habits. i have lilith in taurus and i don’t like to eat in front of people. and this is all due to the fact that my father (i call him my sperm donor 🙃) would try to make me feel like i’m being greedy when i ate anything that i enjoyed. even if it was a regular portion of something. mind you, he’d get the munchies and eat everything in the house - even food that i bought myself for me or my little sister or brother. you see how no matter what lilith placement you have, people project what they know about themselves onto you, related to the energy of that sign or house?
lilith in taurus can definitely indicate eating disorders. a cycle between not eating anywhere near enough (basically starving yourself) to eating too much in one go - also known as binge eating.
you were also shamed for wanting things. maybe even accused of being ‘spoiled’. and you’re looking at these people who accuse you of that like “spoiled where? 🤨”. it’s because these toxic ass people didn’t want us to have the basic necessities of life. especially if you have toxic parents. you needing the basics is needing “too much” for these people. this may be why you feel like you can’t ever really truly enjoy what you have now. because there’s a subconscious belief that you “shouldn’t” have whatever you have. or that you don’t deserve it or some bs like that.
^ this can definitely pertain to money too. you may want money but when you get it, you blow it all too quickly on things that you’re not entirely happy with buying. it’s because you don’t know how to handle having money and feeling like you deserve that money. so you get rid of it as quickly as possible. remember what i said about being shamed for holding onto things that you enjoyed? for savouring the fact that you have something? now you feel like you can’t even enjoy what you have, so you cycle and blow through possessions and spending money. because you don’t feel right just enjoying the feeling of having it because of this shame.
people view you as someone who already has “too much” - even if you don’t have enough. they view you as someone who has ‘too much’ money, ‘too much’ beauty (as taurus is ruled by the planet venus), ‘too much’ peace, ‘too much’ stability. ‘too much’ power with your money, beauty, and your voice.
^ a lot of people with lilith in taurus/2nd house have really nice voices. you may experience people mistaking your regular tone or your friendly tone as a flirty or seductive tone. shit’s annoying.
taurus also rules your physical body. people will be jealous of this. doesn’t matter if you don’t fit into the standard of beauty when it comes to your body type. your body is attractive no matter what size, what shape, etc. if you’re a woman especially, you may have noticed how other women’s energy switches up when you wear something that shows your shape or your body more visibly. bitches be HATING. your body, your face, your aesthetic, your voice, your hair - everything to do with your appearance is a force to be reckoned with. which leads me to my next point:
people don’t like when we make ourselves look good. this placement always gives me the energy of people accusing us of “doing too much” when we wear makeup, or when we wear certain outfits. just when we dress up. because, again, we’re already perceived as people who have “too much” beauty. if you ever meet anyone like that, then FUCK THEM. they’re wanting to shame you just because they feel like they could never reach your level of beauty, and you’re making it harder for them to compete in their imaginary competition with you (unbeknownst to you) by making yourself more beautiful??? girl…👀
men who are intimidated by your beauty will also try to say slick shit about your clothes, your hair, or something about your physical appearance. you know when insecure men feel like you’re out of their league, so they have to try to “humble” you by negging you or some shit? they assume that you’re used to people treating you like you’re the prettiest/most attractive person in the room, so they have to be the one person who tries to bring you down because they’ve ASSUMED that you usually get put up on a pedestal. a pedestal that makes you unreachable to them.
^ you’ll probably experience this from women too who are in competition with you, but when it comes from men, it’s because they’re attracted to you but they feel like you wouldn’t be attracted to them. it’s coming from that perceived rejection that insecure men can never handle correctly 😂
your ability to dress in the way that you wanted to and to have the aesthetic that you wanted was also suppressed. that may be why you’re never happy with the clothes that you have. because they don’t actually resonate with you.
lilith in this sign/house denotes a very dark aesthetic, or one that just rebels against the ‘normal’ way of dressing and doing your makeup (or lack thereof) or your hair. so when you don’t embrace that, you’re going to have an issue with the way that you look. a dissatisfaction more than anything.
^ anybody else experience being treated like you were the biggest ‘slut’ for even showing a tiny bit of skin? you could wear a crop top and people will look at you like you stepped out of the house butt naked.
lilith in taurus or the 2nd house always reminds me of sex workers too. people who use their sexuality to gain personal income. or people who use a sexual aesthetic to make money. think of certain types of instagram models, dominatrix work (especially financial dominatrixes), strippers, etc. i feel like lilith in scorpio/8th house is more of an indication of sex work that involves actually having sex with clients for money (like prostitution). whereas lilith in taurus/2nd house is moreso using the aesthetics and image of being sexual to make money. i hope that makes sense 😂
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sturniolos-blog · 6 months
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reader (w/ matt) who struggles w/ an eating disorder and while matt was on tour it became worse, and when he arrived back from tour he finds her passed out on the bathroom floor and noticeably underweight (only if you’re comfortable)
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Eating Disorder PT2 - Matt Sturniolo x Y/n oneshot
warnings - eating disorder, throwing up, fainting, insecure, swearing, mentions of blood
disclaimer: third person POV
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8:09pm
Eating was always a problem for Y/n. Growing up a bit bigger, not fat no. But to her she was more than fat, to herself she was huge.
Always comparing herself. ‘What if i was that size?’ ‘What if i went down 10 pounds?’ ‘I wish i was that weight’ ‘I wish i looked like madi’
And the list went on.
So this brought her here, one evening, while her amazing husband Matt was on tour, brought her in the bathroom, sitting on the floor in front of the toilet puking her brains out after she had stuck her finger down her throat because she thought she ate too much, but now she couldn’t stop, throwing up so much her stomach started hurting.
She finally let out one last gag before lifting her head up letting out a pained groan, standing up and flushing the toilet as she wiped her mouth with her sleeve.
Right before everything went black.
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9:14pm
“She’s not answering. It’s been 6 hours since i last talked to her, guys.” Matt sighs, running a hand through his hair.
“Well, Matt, she’s probably okay, she could be sleeping.” Nick comforted, putting his hand on Matt’s back, rubbing softly.
Chris nods his head, agreeing with Nick.
But Matt shakes his head, “You guys don’t know my wife, I know my wife. And i know she’s not asleep at nine o clock.” Matt lets out a frustrated sigh.
“Okay, Matt, calm down.” Chris lets out a scoff.
Matt stands up, “Don’t tell me to calm down!” Matt raises his voice, pointing at Chris.
As Nick and Chris look at each other and not say anything Matt shakes his head, “I-i’m sorry. Sorry.” He swallows harshly and takes a breath before sitting back down. “It’s just.. we’ve been going through a bad patch lately, right before I left for tour. She wasn’t okay, guys. She wasn’t.” Matt tears up, looking up at his brothers before wiping his eyes.
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before Matt left for tour
“Matt, stop.” Y/n stood up from the kitchen chair.
“You haven’t eaten all day, Y/n. Come on, sweetheart.” Matt says, putting his hand on Y/n’s shoulder.
“I’m not hungry! God, do you listen?!” Y/n raises her voice at Matt.
This happened a lot through Y/n’s eating disorder, it made her moody and mean to the people she loves. Matt understood that so he kept his composure.
“You have to be hungry, babe, i haven’t seen you eat in like two days.” Matt shakes his head, a soft look on his face.
Y/n groans, “Because you’re never here! You’re always at work-”
“No. We are not doing this, you are not doing this. You are not going to turn this around on me so i feel bad. Y/n, you have a problem and if you don’t eat then im calling your therapist.” Matt threatened, looking down at her.
Y/n sighed, rubbing her head before sitting down and looking at the plate of food Matt had made her.
It was steak, mash potatoes, and green beans. She almost threw up at the sight of it.
“A couple bites is all i’m asking for, baby.” Matt says softly, putting a hand on her back.
Y/n picks up the fork that was laid neatly on the plate before grabbing the knife also.
Her hands were shaky, making it hard for her to cut the steak. When Matt realized this he grabbed the utensils from her hand and cut the steak in tiny pieces for her.
He puts the knife down before using the fork to pick up a now cut piece of steak.
Matt uses his other hand to put it on Y/n’s jaw, his thumb tracing her jawline softly.
“Open.” He instructed as she looked at him nervously.
Y/n slowly opened her mouth as Matt stuck the piece of steak in there, she almost gagged but instead she took the steak off the fork and held it in her mouth.
“Chew, baby, come on, n/n.” Matt sighed as he watched her.
Matt watched as her jaw started moving as she chewed the piece of food in her mouth, a couple more times before he watched her swallow it.
“Good job, sweetheart.” Matt smiled, kissing her cheek softly, making her half smile.
“Couple more?” Matt suggested, making Y/n nod slightly.
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present time (9:16 pm)
“Her eating disorder is back?” Chris asked, his mouth slightly dropped in shock.
Matt lets out a breath and shrugs, “I guess.” Matt says quietly before he puts his face in his hands. “I shouldn’t have left her. God, i’m a terrible husband. My wife is probably starving herself and…” Matt trails off before he stands up and puts on his jacket.
“What are you doing?” Nick looks at Matt with a confused look on his face.
“I need to go see my wife now.” Matt says, an angry tone defined in his voice as he grabs his keys.
Chris let’s out a laugh in disbelief, “You’re gonna leave tour?” He asks, shaking his head at his brother.
“I care much more about my wife then i do this stupid fucking tour. I’m fucking leaving.” Matt spits, leaving the hotel room.
Chris and Nick look at each other in silence.
“What the fuck just happened?” Nick scoffed.
Chris shook his head, “No clue.” Before taking a sip of his pepsi.
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10:34pm
It took Matt over an hour to drive home, him immediately rushing in the house after he had pulled in to the drive way.
“Baby!? I’m home, sweetheart!” He called out, throwing his keys down before checking the downstairs, not seeing Y/n anywhere.
He let out a nervous sigh before he practically ran upstairs, his eyes catching glimpses of the light coming through the opened bathroom door.
His eyes then trail down to a body.
His wife.
“Y/n!” Matt yelled, running into the bathroom and on his knees, taking her body into his arms, him letting out a pathetic sob at the sight of his wife.
The unconscious girl had a cut on her forehead, presumably from when she fell.
Matt sniffled as some of his tears dropped onto Y/n’s shirt.
He had his phone in his hand and was dialing 911, whispering a couple of “Come on, baby..”’s or “Please, Y/n.. please”
“911, what’s your emergency?” A female operator was heard after a couple rings.
“M-my wife! I need an ambulance! I came home and she was on the bathroom floor passed out! Please!” Matt sobbed, another hand going to her cheek.
“Okay, sir, they are on the way. What’s your wife’s name?” The lady asked.
“Y/n. Y/n sturniolo. Please, please get here.” He whimpered out.
“Okay, again they are on the way. And what is your name, sir?” The lady questioned, sounds of clicking from her keyboard coming through the line.
“Matthew sturniolo.” He breathed out before letting out another sob. “Please, my wife-”
“Okay, Matt? I need you to take a couple breaths for me. I need you to answer these questions with a clear head can you do that for me?” The lady spoke calmly, making Matt let out an almost incoherent ‘mhm’ but it was loud enough for her to hear it.
“Great. Now, is Y/n still breathing?”
Matt’s eyes glanced to her belly that rose and fell with every breath, making him nod to himself and then speak to the lady. “Y-yeah, she’s breathing.” He spoke.
“Okay, good, Matt. Good. The ambulance is on the way and should be there in 3 minutes tops, in the meantime take some breaths of your own.” The nice operator constructed.
Matt nodded even though the lady couldn’t see her. He took breaths. His thoughts racing.
My baby.
She’s alright.
You’re not dead, Y/n.
You’re with me.
His thoughts kept going until he heard sirens.
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9:37am (next morning)
Y/n slowly opened her eyes, immediately being blinded by sunlight that was shining through the windows.
She rubbed her eyes before taking in her surroundings.
Monitor. Couch. Windows. Flowers. But most importantly Matt.
He had his eyes on his phone, not noticing Y/n had waken up.
Y/n cleared her throat, “Matt?” She whispered.
Matts head shot up, along with his whole body immediately standing up. “Hi, baby.” He smiled softly at her, bringing one of his hands to push hair out of her face.
Y/n smiled before she looked around again, “How’d i get here?” She asked, her voice scratchy and quiet.
Matt shook his head, “You had an accident, baby. You fell and hit your head.” He told her.
Y/n scrunched her eyebrows, picking up her hands to see that an iv was in her right wrist and a hospital bracelet on her left. She let out a small, ‘huh’
Matt looks at Y/n before a knock at the door brings them both to look that way, a doctor walked in.
“Y/n, good to see you. So, do you know what happened?” The doctor asked, sitting on a stool.
Y/n nodded, “Matt told me i fell and hit my head.”
The doctor glanced at Matt and nodded, “Right. But you fell because of something, do you know what that something is?” The doctor asked her.
Y/n knew, 100%. Matt knew that she knew. Y/n knew Matt knew that she knew. But that didn’t change her answer. “No..” She said quietly, making Matt rub his face.
“You haven’t had proper meals lately. You passed out from not enough protein in your body. When’s the last time you ate a good meal?” The doctor continued to question.
Y/n shrugged, “More than a week ago, i guess.” She sighed, avoiding eye contact with Matt as his jaw dropped slightly.
He left for tour a week ago. This broke Matt’s heart.
The doctor nodded, “Okay well you have two IV’s in your arm, one keeping you hydrated and one giving you some nutrients. We’d like to keep you for another night but after that you are free to go.” She smiled.
Y/n nodded, “Thank you.” She mumbled as the doctor nodded back before leaving the room.
After a couple seconds of silence Matt speaks up, “You could’ve talked to me.”
“You left.” Y/n whispered.
“But if i had known what was going on beforehand then i wouldn’t have, Y/n!” Matt raises his voice at her, making her look at him with glassy eyes. He sighed, “I’m sorry. I just love you so much and if you keep doing this then i’m going to lose you a-and that can’t happen. Okay? It can’t!” Matt let out a sob, putting his face in his hands.
Y/n grabbed his wrist, “Come here, baby.” She muttered as she pulled him onto the bed with her.
He left out a couple more sobs as his head ended up on her chest, her fingers running through his hair.
“You won’t lose me, Matt. Never ever.” She said, kissing his head.
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um anyway
taglist: @sturniolosmind @novasturniolo03 @hearts4chriss @vinniehackerslefttoe @christhopersturniolo @mattybswife @streamermattsgf @sturnolio-luvs @sturnioloslurps @marlenafortuna @lovergirl4387 @sturniololovesss
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bedoballoons · 1 year
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oh well if you didn’t get itI basically said that move to will probably not be able to control mui because he only appears to turn into ai but it’s just an illiusion.
for my request it was another mitsuri like us x character but we are sad about our past.
SPOILER FOR SEASON 3!!!!!
Due to mitsuri eating so much food, having be reallly strong and have pink and green hair. She was called a pig and one EX said that only a cow or pig would ever marry her which made her dye her hair black and eat 9x less than she needed. And when she found another partner she realized she don’t keep on pretending. One headcannon can I have about her is that you do this she gained an eating disorder. Where she will not eat as much as she needs.
can the characters be: wanderer,albedo,diluc,kaeya,xiao and one of your choice. I love your works and also My cat just had 3 KITTYS!!! I plan on naming them scarameow,kokkie and coco.🐱🐱🍫🍪
Ohhh! You know I really seem to write this show alot and I've still never seen it... :p CONGRATULATIONS on kittens!! Those are such cute names!! I hope they are all doing well ❤️❤️
─⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃𝔾𝕖𝕟𝕤𝕙𝕚𝕟 ℍ𝕖𝕒𝕕𝕔𝕒𝕟𝕠𝕟𝕤⊰⁠⊹ฺ🎃
{༻~Mitsuri like reader~༺}
CW: Angsty! Reader has a eating disorder, has been called a pig and is self conscious about weight! (Pet names: Lyney: Mon chérie, my love,
A/n: I just wanted to say that if you've ever been called a pig, or cow or made fun of for your weight, please don't listen to them. Your body is beautiful and me personally I think you're amazing wether you're skinnier than average or heavier than average. You are gorgeous! ❤️
(Includes: Diluc, Lyney, Albedo, Xiao, Wanderer, and Kaeya!)
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𑁍༄Diluc:
Diluc set a plate in front of you, sitting in the chair across from you with a hopeful gleam in his red eyes...,"I haven't seen you eat anything all day...please, just a few bites. It's your favourite, fresh out of the oven." You looked down at the fresh warm food, the wonderful smell making your stomach churn unhappily, it was such a fatty dish...
Suddenly the harsh words of others started playing in your head, reminding you why you wanted to loose weight so badly..
Pig
Cow
Fatty
You pushed his cooking away, unable to even take a nibble, "I'm not hungry...sorry Diluc. It smells amazing though..." you tried to smile at him, but he clearly wasn't happy with your response. He took your hand into his and placed a kiss on your fingers, whispering against them with sorrow in his voice, "You are beautiful the way you are...please, don't listen to them."
𑁍༄Lyney:
Lyney hurried up to you, holding a freshly baked croissant in his hands that he'd gotten for the two of you to share, silently hoping you'd eat it with him...that all of his suspicions weren't true, "Mon chérie! Looks yummy hmm? Want to sit down for a bite?" His eyes met yours and he simply couldn't imagine how someone could say anything horrible about you, you...were the most gorgeous person in his eyes and he wished so desperately he could show you that.
"I don't mind if we sit and chat while you eat! I'm not really in the mood for a croissant right now, thank you though." You tried your best to sound sweet and truthful, feeling so guilty you had to lie to him...but you wanted to be perfect for him and loosing weight seemed to be the only way...at least in everyone else's eyes.
"...my love, I'll get you anything you wish to eat.."
"I'm just...not hungry right now Lyney."
He grasped your wrist softly, stopping you from walking away so he could kiss your lips...he'd find a way to show you your own beauty, he'd tell you every hour on the dot if he had to...
𑁍༄Albedo:
Albedo bit his lip, for once in his life he had encountered a problem he just had no idea how to solve, he thought of you as the true meaning of life, the very being that made him want to get out of bed every morning and show his love for you any way he could, a inspiration that never ceased to look perfect and yet...you didn't feel that way about yourself...
How could it be, how could someone break your heart...call you a pig for enjoying food...a cow, it bothered him to no end and he just couldn't wrap his head around that cruelty..."Klee and I made cookies...they are chocolate chip...with a few sprinkles, would you like some?" He sat next to you, Klee following after him, "Ohhh please try one! The sprinkles make them extra yummy!" She looked at you with such a cute face...that for a split second you considered it...they smelled so good and even with sprinkles you could tell they'd be delicious..but, you felt sick at the thought of taking bite...
"Awe next time Klee, I'm...not hungry right now..."
Albedo sighed...how was he going to fix this...
𑁍༄Xiao:
Xiao was having a hard time understanding your situation, it didn't make sense, why would the pathetic humans who couldn't compare to you in the slightest tell you such awful things...and why would you ever believe them? He was so worried about you, your normally plump cheeks sunken in slightly and your happy smile gone, you didn't enjoy eating...in fact he almost never saw you eat at all anymore.
He had to remind you every two minutes, just to take a few bites and even then you'd refuse, "You should eat...you need to. Please." You'd look away, slightly angry...slightly sad and just say you didn't want to, and it wasn't like he was going to force you to, but he wished there was a way he could help. He'd just have to keep telling you what was true...clearing their sick words from your mind with his sweet sentiments,
"You are the true meaning of every beautiful thing in this world, those mortals are threatened by it and seek to destroy you because of it...don't listen to them."
"You look perfect in my eyes..."
𑁍༄Wanderer:
"Why are you listening to those idiots! They probably wouldn't know what beauty was if it slapped them in the face! You are...ughhh" Wanderer groaned in annoyance, knowing full well yelling wasn't going to help you...but he was just so angry, how dare anyone bully you like that, get under your skin. "I'm sorry....I didn't mean to shout, I just, you can't believe what they are saying! Hell if someone like me, who's never loved anyone before...who never gave a damn what people looked like...could fall so goddamn hard for you, you have to be goregous. I will say that as many times as I have to!"
You fought the urge to cry, he didn't usually get so emotional over things like this, but he was worried about you and...for good reason, "Wanderer, I'm fine.." You tucked a piece of your pink hair behind you ear, trying to hide from his prying eyes that starred daggers at you, did you truly think he'd buy that? "Don't lie to me. You're not fine, you're hurting yourself...making yourself sick. Just tell me what to do! How do I help! What do I say...you're fucking perfect to me...isn't that enough?"
𑁍༄Kaeya:
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"Oh...are you sure you don't want just a bite. I've gone and ordered two, you wouldn't want me to have to eat both would you? I'd surely become ill with a stomach ache.." Kaeya scooched the plate in your direction, using every persuasive method he could think of...he'd already tried complimenting you over and over, flirting with you more often, showering you with kisses and love, but you still wouldn't enjoy a meal with him. This was his last resort...
"Kaeya..."
"Pretty please...just a little would make me so happy..."
You sighed, thinking about how much you'd eaten...or more rather, how much you hadn't eaten and took a small bite, the flavours tasting good, but not like they used to...it was difficult to even swallow. Kaeya seemed so proud though, so...hopeful.
◥(•̀₩•́)◤☪︎ ִ ࣪𖤐 ☾𖤓~Have a nice day~*⁠.⁠✧
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bonny-kookoo · 10 months
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Jungkook
𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐧𝐠𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐓𝐢𝐦𝐞𝐬 Part 4
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Jungkook wants to create a home for you- not knowing that that's already what he is to you.
Tags/Warnings: Non-Idol Jungkook, Dog Hybrid!Reader, former criminal!Jungkook, mentions of past neglect/abuse, reader has some pretty bad psychological problems (OCD, Anxiety, Selective mutism, hints at an eating disorder), hypersomnia, road to recovery, hurt and lots of comfort, angst, Jungkook has some problems with aggression and swears a lot, more TBA in future chapters
Length: 1.2k Words
There is no taglist for this fic.
-> Masterlist
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Jungkook is wary as he walks into the rather.. unique building, old school reformed into what looks like a daycare for hybrids of different ages it appears like.
Some rooms are furnished, others are clearly meant for younger hybrids, and he even walks past a room that’s only filled with pillows and blankets and stuffed animals of all sizes, flooring entirely made up of mattresses. Overall, this is not what he thought the correctional facility would look like- as the man with the cat eyes approaches him, soft smile on his otherwise rather stoic face. “I’m happy you decided to come by so soon.” He tells him, black cat ears moving a little between his equally dark long hair. “Min Yoongi. I assume this bag is for her?” He asks, and Jungkook nods, still not quite understanding.
This man is a hybrid himself. And yet he’s clearly wearing a staff-badge on his casual clothing.
“I’ll explain some of the structure to you while I’ll let staff look through the things- just for protocol.” He tells him, giving the bag to an elderly woman who takes it, after Yoongi writes your tag number on a plastic card and attaches it to the black sportsbag Jungkook brought with him.
“They’re currently having lunch together.” Yoongi says, as he walks down a hall with Jungkook right behind him. “But she’s not very social- and she seems to be wary of most foods, so she eats by herself with the help of staff.” The cat hybrid hums. “We don’t know much about her, only have her paperwork- but we usually like to paint the picture ourselves.”
“Did she... eat well here?” Jungkook asks, hands in his pockets.
“So-so.” Yoongi admits. “The seperation from you clearly made her shrink back into her shell quite a bit. She refused to come out of a corner in her room for hours after she arrived.” He explains, and Jungkook frowns.
“She likes.. Mild cheeses. Like, the animal shaped kind you can get at the supermarket.” Jungkook mumbles. “And simple stuff. Like chicken soup. Or you know.. Anything I eat, really.”
Yoongi chuckles. “You eat animal shaped cheese?”
“Shut up.” Jungkook snaps a little bashfully, when Yoongi opens a door.
“This is her room. Temporary, of course.” Yoongi explains as they both walk in. “See, here’s how it’s going to go down.” Yoongi offers, sitting down on a chair in one corner of the tiny room, while Jungkook awkwardly stands in front of your bed. “I know who you are, and what you’ve done. Your situation isn’t ideal to say the least.” The worker tells him. “But- I filed in for mutual rehabilitation. And the court agreed.”
“Mutual.. Rehabilitation?” Jungkook repeats, unsure. “What does that mean?”
“Exactly what you think it does.” Yoongi shrugs. “You told the janitor back at the carecenter that you’d take on a job if she was to live with you?”
Jungkook fidgets a little, shrugs, as he looks down at his shoes. “Yeah. Maybe at a grocery store. Night shift, or something. So she’s asleep when I’m gone, and.. Won't miss me or something.” He explains.
“Do you have room for her at your apartment?” Yoongi continues to question.
“She could have my bedroom.” He shrugs again. "I could just sleep on the pull out couch in the living room, no big deal-” He tells the hybrid, who chuckles.
“What about food? Do you know what a hybrid needs?” He wonders, leaning back a little with crossed arms.
“I know that she needs supplements? Like, I looked up some, and there’s like.. Little packets? That you can mix with water and it apparently tastes like fruit or something.” Jungkook explains. “and there’s other stuff you can use in meals that don’t taste like anything.”
“You've done research?” Yoongi smiles. “Even though you were so sure you’d never get to adopt her?”
“I.. Was thinking that maybe a friend of mine could. Instead of me.” He explains, carefully sitting on the very edge of the bed. “And he’s never owned a hybrid before so I wanted to make sure I.. could like, give him advice if needed.”
“Well, it might not be so impossible for you to take her in after all.” The cat hybrid jokes. “I’d say, after you go home today, clean up back there. Get stuff ready. They’ll send someone to check your home in a week or so, just to make sure. It’ll be random. Just so you can’t prepare.” He informs Jungkook, who nods, suddenly determined.
If there’s a chance at getting both his freedom, and you at the same time- then he’ll take it.
“Then, you’ll get three weeks trial.” He explains further. “If there’s no hiccups during that time- meaning she runs off, gets hurt due to negligence, or otherwise has complaints- you'll sign a permanent housing contract.” Yoongi tells him.
“Housing?” He asks, confused.
“We.. Don't like to call it ‘ownership’. A little outdated, don’t you think? She’s not a pet after all. Neither am I.” He jokes, grinning a little.
“...true.” Jungkook mumbles, when a woman is heard laughing.
“Hey, careful, you’re gonna trip sweetheart!” She calls out with a clear smile in her tone, when the door suddenly swings open, revealing you- wide eyed, tail wagging fast, instantly tearing up as you spot Jungkook on the bed.
You can’t help it.
You basically tackle the young man, making everyone laugh at how he desperately attempts to not have you fall off the corner of the bed with him together, though you miserably fail at that, ending up on the floor where you squeeze yourself as closely to him as you can, now on his lap.
“I hope they set out an extra plate?” Yoongi asks the elderly woman who laughs.
“Oh, they did!” She laughs.
And indeed, they did.
Though, technically, they did not need an extra chair, as you’re still sitting on his lap at the lunch table, most hybrids already finished and washing their dishes- some with help, others by themselves. You’re happily eating your soup now that you’ve seen Jungkook eat it too- seemingly taking his actions as a sign that whatever you’re eating right now is safe.
“Are they being nice to you?” Jungkook asks you as you finish your bowl of soup, making you nod, before you press yourself back into him. “Yoongi said I can visit you every day if you want.” He offers, and at that, he can feel your tail wag against his thigh. “Though I gotta get your room ready back at my place.”
You look over your shoulder at him in surprise, and he can’t help but laugh.
“What, did you think you’re gonna stay here?” He asks, and you just shrug. “Nah.” He shakes his head, before he smiles.
“You got somewhere to call ‘home’ soon.”
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eating disorder harm reduction
no one ever compiled this so that it what we are doing today. for people with eds and people whose loved ones do. please note: i’m not a doctor. this is a compilation of things from books and ed resource sites.
for people whose loved ones have an eating disorder:
try to make sure they know these things.
try not to force them to eat, they might feel uncomfortable eating in front of people. also, risk of refeeding syndrome.
if their life is in danger and you are seeking help for them, consult the person beforehand to make sure they will be safe and give them a heads-up so that they aren’t startled (especially if they’re neurodivergent! giving them notice will aid control!)
offer them ways of controlling things aside from food - practice consent, include them in conversations, don’t talk about them behind their back, compliment their makeup or hair.
be patient. the person may be irritable from lack of sleep, feelings of depression, worthlessness, etc., or malnutrition.
keep in mind that you can’t tell if someone has an eating disorder by looking at them. people of all weights do - only 17% of anorexics are underweight - and also, men and non binary people can also have eds.
general:
drink lots of water, especially if you’re drinking lots of caffeine.
drink some electrolytes at least once a week - gatorade, electrolyte tablets, coconut water, doesn’t matter, just get it into your system.
if you are getting dizzy or flushed and can feel your heart beating, quick carbs will raise your blood sugar - sweets, bread, fruit, juice, non diet soda, whatever. keep snacks around pls.
your brain uses 400-500 calories daily. eat more than this.
take your supplements!
you still need protein, have an egg or something.
don’t take adderal or insulin unless you are actually diabetic or neurodivergent, because you are raising the price by buying them and denying access to those who need it.
throw a towel over the mirror. it’s not worth it if it’ll cause you anxiety.
try to limit disordered behaviours like body checking, purging, and weigh ins.
practice good dental hygiene.
put your scale somewhere where you have to actively look for it to weigh yourself.
avoid social media and for your sake don’t go on pro ed tiktok or tumblr or twitter or insta.
get a buddy who also struggles with the same thing if possible to support each other.
get regular medical check ups (if you can afford it)
practice things within your control - makeup, hair, clothing, etc.
push your rules - eat 5 minutes before your time, or 50 calories over your limit.
for people with restrictive disorders (e.g. anorexia):
do weight and resistance training at least twice a week to prevent musculoskeletal conditions such as osteoporosis.
don’t drink on an empty stomach.
try to put gaps between fasting periods.
don’t fast for more than 72 hours.
wear lots of layers to keep warm.
eat an extra 100-200 calories on your period if you menstruate.
have a metabolism day.
take care of your hair.
as horrifying as this is to many people, please go to the hospital if you’re experiencing heart problems or if you’re passing out for more than 30 seconds.
for people with purging disorders (e.g. bulimia):
if you would like to purge, wait 15 minutes first.
after purging: drink lots of water - the emptiness you feel is dehydration. don’t brush your teeth but rinse your mouth out, preferably with an alkaline mouthwash or baking soda mixed into water. do something you want to do, like reading a book or watching a show. don’t smoke. don’t have anything acidic. eat a banana or some chocolate or a rice cake to keep your blood sugar levels in check.
if you vomit blood or your vomit looks like coffee grounds, this is a sign of internal bleeding. you could be drowning in your own blood from a hole in your esophagus, essentially. go to the hospital or call 911/999/the emergency number in your area.
stay safe everyone. i hope this helps. also, i do not use these tags - i have them blocked - but i am using them so that people on these tags will find this because they need it most.
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I don’t often find I have much to say during chronic illness awareness months anymore. I’m tired. My words feel tired. I don’t feel like I have anything new to add. Sometimes I worry though that that in part comes from my having been in various digital chronic illness spaces for almost a decade. Of course it feels tired to me. There are things that rattle around my brain that feel so obvious and commonplace (and that have been said much more eloquently by others before me) but may still be worth expressing, just judging by the ways people in my life haven’t been able to understand
So for gastroparesis awareness month this year, there are a few things I want to note from my experiences (tw for food/eating, weight without numbers, medical trauma)
1) My relationship with food is so scarred and multifaceted. It is messy and thorny, conflicting and complicated
(I am scared of food. I miss food. I hate food. I want to eat so badly. I never want to think about eating again. Tell me in detail about how it tasted. I love food. Please don’t ask me to join you for a meal. I don’t want to miss the communal aspects of eating. I feel so disconnected and other and separate just because I don’t eat. Sometimes I do try to eat and it makes me sick. Don’t comment on it, please; it’s not helpful to scold or encourage - I feel shame either way)
2) There is no cure. There is only management. I think people understand this in theory more than actuality, because when I say this I mean please, please stop expecting any management option to be The Thing. Please don’t expect something to offer substantial improvement, even if it is a life-saving dramatic change. As I have tried to explain to people in my life, those types of interventions are often complicated and risky and, in our broken healthcare system, very difficult to access until the situation truly is dire and life-threatening. Which can mean that the body takes significant damage before getting there. Sometimes by the time you access the intervention, that damage is irreversible and the goal is just to stop further decline. It’s not making me better; it’s keeping me from getting worse. For some reason that’s difficult for people to understand
(But sometimes people do find what for them is The Thing or are The Things, and that’s an important piece of the whole picture. The problem is the persistence of unrealistic expectations among people around us)
3) My relationship with healthcare is vital but fraught and heavy. I rely on it tremendously just to stay alive. It is also my only in-person access to the world and to people, which is a weird kind of mindfuck. But I am also deeply afraid of it after so many years of trauma. I am terrified of hospitals and medical professionals. I’m sorry for the way that fear makes me irrational, makes me assume, makes me protect myself. I know so many medical professionals are so caring and kind, but it is very, very hard to go into a medical setting trusting that that will be the case
4) There are some things I wish truly were obvious. Like don’t comment on someone’s weight, ever. Don’t say you wish you could “have a little of that” to change your appearance. Don’t try to convince me to “just try to eat a little.” Trust that I know my body best. Don’t offer me unsolicited advice or recommendations. Don’t say “when you get to be my age…” because I will point out that, based on the amount of damage to my body already, it is very possible I will never reach your age. But more to the point, I am not too young to be this sick. It happens
Anyway, these are my 3am-notes-app, camped-out-on-the-bathroom-floor thoughts. It is also important to note that they exist in the context of my gastroparesis being born of and coexisting with my other chronic illnesses, and they all become so deeply entangled
Wishing everyone well. Hoping your August is kind and gentle
To everyone with gastroparesis (and other digestive disorders, really), I’m sorry your tummy hurts, and no, you actually don’t need to be very brave about it. As I heard someone say recently in a different context but definitely applies here as well, “We weren’t born to be fighters. I don’t want to be brave. I want to be okay.” I just want all of us to be okay
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letz-smoke-zaza · 3 months
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Read This
if you are looking for pro-eating disorders blogs or thinspo, you’re literally in the wrong place because I’m a food lover, and I will probably mention or talk about food once or twice on my blog.
It is more and less of a reminder that your health and self pleasure is more important than anything else. It’s ok not to be ok, it’s also ok to struggle in recovery. But if your only goal is to spread hatred to people who have - or try to have - an healthy relationship with food, if you fatshame people only because of your own insecurities, push younger and manipulable people into developing EDs, therefore becoming dangerous for themselves, then you are not welcome here and I’d recommend you taking a break from social medias for your own mental health.
Pro eating disorder spaces will bring you down with them and, on top of that, they will want you to bring other people down with you.
I won’t make any of these people change their minds because EDs are serious and the most complicated mental illnesses to treat. And because once, as a person, you get into pro 4n4 stuff, it’s hard to be self conscious about your own issues and your toxicity. I don’t want my words to seem harsh for the concerned people either because at the end of the day : you do you. However, I have serious issues with it when it´s about influencing other people, and I don’t want to have anything to do with this community, with you if you’re apart of it so block me already.
Again, I’m not advocating against people who suffer from EDs, or are currently in recovery, my problem is with people who actively participate in its romanticization and plan on interacting with me or my blog on top of that.
Now I’ll go back to my moodboards and lyrics’ blog, stay safe tho. 🧘🏽‍♀️
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literaryavenger · 10 months
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Broken - part 2
Summary: You reach your breaking point and confront the team.
Pairing: Bucky Barnes x Female Reader
Warnings: Minimal use of Y/N. Hints to eating disorder. Language. Tony being an insensitive ass. Reader being very dramatic. A lot of yelling. Talk about Bucky's past and Tony's parent's murder. Innocent and broken Bucky. My poor attempts at being funny.
Word Count: 2.6K
Part 1
A/N: reader is absolutely dramatic in this and I love it. I can't say enough that this is my first work (second chapter, but still), I don't really know what I'm doing, but I'm trying. Also English is not my first language so pardon me for mistakes, I'm really trying not to be too repetitive in my writing and expand my vocabulary and just generally do better. Hope you enjoy!
Masterlist
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After a morning of hanging out with Cassie and Scott, Cassie’s mom, Maggie, came to pick her up.
You chatted for a few minutes while Scott and Cassie gathered her stuff and, after you said your goodbye, they took off. 
"Thanks for inviting me to hang out with you guys, Cassie’s such an amazing kid." you say to Scott with a smile while you get in the elevator to the communal floor for lunch with the whole team.
"No need to thank me. Cassie loves you so much, you’re always welcome to join us." He says back as the elevator dings and you get off.
You smile at him and look around to see most of the team already at the table wrapped up in their own conversations.
You don’t have “assigned” seats, but Tony sits at the head of the table on the only side that has only one seat, while the other side has two.
It’s very important for Tony to have this seat as he thinks of himself as the head of your family, even if he doesn’t want to be the team leader.
The rest of you gather around him, usually next to the same people that you enjoy having conversations with.
Today Vision was sitting on Tony’s left side with Wanda next to him, then Pietro, whose other side was empty so Scott sat there.
On Tony’s right was Peter, then Nat and Clint, you sat on the far end leaving a seat empty between you and Clint on your left, and the two seats on the head of the table on your right, also empty, with Scott in front of you.
There are gonna be a few empty seats because Thor, Loki and Bruce were currently in New Asgard.
After a few minutes of conversation with Scott, which mostly consists on trying to come up with your next prank, Sam, Steve and Bucky join you, Sam sitting between you and Clint, Steve on your right at the head of the table with Bucky between Steve and Scott.
You notice Bucky briefly looking at Tony on the other end of the table before bowing his head and staring at the table without saying anything, while Tony stares daggers at Bucky, stopping as soon as he sees you looking.
You think it's weird, but then again you know Tony and Bucky had problems so you let it go.
"Hi, baby." Sam says to you when he sits down, giving you a kiss on the cheek.
"Hi, Sammy." you say chuckling "how you doing?"
"Very good now." he says, putting his arm around you and making you laugh again. "Where have you been all day, I’ve missed you baby."
"I’ve been staying as far away from you as I could, baby." you say jokingly, to which he makes a pretend hurt face with a big gasp that makes both you and Steve laugh. "I was hanging out with my girls."
"But Nat was training and Wanda was hanging out with Vision." Steve points out, a little confused.
"Yeah, she means Tic tac and his daughter." Sam explains while you, him and Scott laugh.
Steve then join in on your laughter and you keep joking until Wanda uses her powers to put the plates full of food on the table, with some help from Vision.
As the lunch went on you all kind of talk to everybody, joking about stupid things mostly you and Scott have done lately.
You notice Bucky is quietly eating, not joining in in any conversations and keeping his eyes on his food.
Nobody is trying to talk to him either and you're about to when you feel Steve nudging you on the arm with his elbow.
you look at him and see him look from you to your plate a couple times.
You give him a small smile and a nod and you eat a couple of bites of your food before he lets himself concentrate on the conversation once more, but not before exchanging a bit of a worried and knowing look with Wanda, which you chose to ignore because you don't want to have that conversation right now.
You bring your attention back to Bucky "So, Bucky, what did you and Cap do after I left this morning?"
As soon as you ask the question the whole table goes quiet. You look around the room and everyone is looking weirdly from you to Steve to Bucky, which confuses you a lot.
You looked back at Bucky, who is about to answer but, after giving Tony a quick glance, he shuts his mouth, deciding against it.
You look at Tony who is giving Bucky a look that if it could kill, it definitely would.
At this point you're pretty fed up with this unspoken tension and, since nobody is saying anything, you decide to address the issue yourself.
"Okay, enough is enough." you say, getting everybody’s attention on you but keeping yours on Tony and Bucky "Will somebody explain to me what the fuck is going on?"
"Language!"
"Stick a sock in it, Rogers. I’m sick of this. I’ve been patient for three fucking months. I’m done with this. You have been treating me with child gloves and it ends now. First you all just disappear for a mission leaving only me behind, then half of you come back and nobody tells me anything about everyone else and when the rest of the team came back, all of you started acting like nothing even happened, barely acknowledging Steve’s absence unless I asked, and even then you just danced around my questions. Now he’s back with someone new and not only are you all still acting like nothing happened, but all of you are being extremely rude and deliberately ignoring the poor guy!"
You point at Bucky, who turns red at the attention and looks uncomfortable, but you go on. "AND Tony hasn’t stopped looking at him like he wants to murder him where he stands! Now, somebody tell me what the fuck happened then and what has been happening for the last three months."
you look at Tony who looks like he was about to explode, but doesn't say anything.
Bucky looks uncomfortable and like he's trying very hard not to look at you.
Steve looks at you with an apologetic face and you know he's not about to tell you anything.
You look around at everyone else and they all look either shocked at your little outburst or guilty because they know you're right.
Most of them avoid your gaze and the ones that are looking at you are silently asking you to let it go.
After a few minutes of no one saying anything, you lose the last chill you had.
"FINE!" you yell, getting up and slamming your hand on the table, startling almost everybody after the uncomfortable silence you’d been sitting in.
"If you’re gonna insist on treating me like a fucking child, keeping me out of these serious business, trusting a literal child more than me," you said pointing at Peter "then maybe I should start behaving like one. Or no, you know what, better yet, since none of you trust me anyway, I should just quit this fucking team and move out!"
Without giving anyone the chance to answer you storm off towards the stairs, going straight to the smallest training room to try and calm down a little, since it’s the one no one ever uses and no one’s gonna think of looking for you there.
You get on the treadmill and started running, not stopping until you see the light from outside dim and the gym lights turn on.
You turn the machine off and as soon as you stop you feel so dizzy that you almost fall over and have to hold on to the handles of the treadmill just to keep your balance.
After a few minutes you catch your breath, then stumble towards the punching bag and start throwing punches as hard as you can, still so angry that you don't even think about wrapping your hands.
After about half an hour of angry punching your knuckles are bleeding, but you only stop when your head starts spinning and you slip on the floor out of breath while you start seeing black spots.
You feel a hand on your shoulder and when you look up you see Bucky with a very worried look on his face.
He's saying something to you but his voice is so distant you could barely hear him. You look at him confused for a second before feeling yourself slipping away and then everything goes black.
You wake up to confused yelling and your head pounding, and it takes you a second to even realize where you are. You try to sit up but have an IV on your arm that stops you.
You look around the room confused, finding the source of all the noise: Tony is very intently yelling at Bucky who's just looking at his feet, his face covered by his long hair, while Steve is trying very hard to keep Tony away from Bucky while also yelling at him to calm down.
"Let go of me Rogers, it’s HIS fault she’s here!" Tony yells "and it’s your fault he’s here in the first place!"
"Tony, you don’t know what happened, you can’t just accuse Bucky everytime something happens!" Steve yells back, struggling to keep him away from Bucky.
"LOOK AT THEM! THEY’RE BOTH COVERED IN BLOOD AND HE WAS THE ONLY ONE TO SEE HER ALL AFTERNOON, WHAT ELSE DO YOU NEED TO KNOW?!" At this point you're sick of the screaming and especially of the random accusations against Bucky.
"Can you stop yelling for fuck’s sakes?" you say, even if it comes out lower and weaker than you’d like.
The three men all look at you, a little surprised and worried sick.
"Y/N! Are you ok? What did he do to you?" Tony says, getting angrier with every word, while you're just confused by his accusations.
"What are you talking about, Tony? Nobody did anything to me, I just passed out."
"You don’t have to cover for that murderer, just tell me what really happened!" murderer? What is he talking about?
You can tell he was trying not to yell too much at you since you're not the object of his anger, but his insults and his insinuating that you're lying are making you angry, a feeling that just grows when you see all the guilt and hurt in Bucky’s face at his words, which just breaks your heart.
"You want to know what happened, Stark?" you're the one yelling now "You, the whole team, pissed me off so much that I spent several hours running and hitting a punching bag so hard that I bled and then passed out from exhaustion and probably dehydration. And stop yelling at Bucky, if it wasn’t for him finding me and bringing me here I could’ve died in that gym, so you should be fucking thanking him!" you yell the last part so loudly that you think that's gonna be the end of that, but Tony has more to say.
"THANK HIM?!" he yells, his eyes open wide, almost in shock. "YOU THINK I SHOULD THANK THE MAN THAT MURDERED MY PARENTS?!" He yells so loudly that you're surprised he still had a voice to keep going.
But he did, a little quieter after seeing the shocked look on your face. "You have no idea who he is! Who he truly is… I know you love hearing stories about Steve and him in the 40s, but that’s not who he is now. It’s not who he’s been for the last 70 years!"
You're hanging on his every word, looking at Bucky’s general direction every now and then, scared to meet his eyes and have everything Tony was saying confirmed.
But that wasn’t a problem, since Bucky's back at looking at his feet, like a kid being yelled at by a parent for doing something wrong.
"He’s been under Hydra’s control all this time! He’s been taught how to be invisible, how to disappear and most importantly how to kill, in every way possible. He’s been killing people for decades, living as a ghost story, unstoppable and unbeatable. Three months ago Steve found him and set out to help him, and when half of us didn’t agree with him, we battled against each other. The half of the team that came back later had to spend some time on the Raft while we worked on their release. For Barnes it took longer, and Steve refused to leave his side. They were lucky enough to get them to release this monster, and if it was for me it never would’ve happened. So do not tell me to thank a murderer, a monster that broke my family in 1991 and almost broke it again a few months ago!"
You're shocked.
Not just because of Bucky’s past, but because of what happened three months ago.
Because of what everybody kept from you.
You feel absolutely betrayed by everybody. Everybody except Bucky, funnily enough. You're barely listening to what is being said.
You hear Steve’s "He was being mind controlled" and Tony’s "That’s all an excuse" but your attention is elsewhere.
You're looking at Bucky who is visibly trembling and, when he looks up at Steve for a few seconds because of something he says in his defense, you see his face clearly and it's wet with tears.
It absolutely breaks your heart and you make eye contact for a second before he quickly bows his head again and slowly backs away from the room, almost scared.
The two yelling men don’t even seem to notice the loss of a fourth person in the room and keep on yelling until they just keep repeating the same things, and you're done.
"SHUT THE FUCK UP!" you yell at the top of your lungs, leaving them instantly silent.
"I don’t care who you think he is. The man you seem to hate so much is absolutely nothing like the man that walked into the tower this morning. The man that’s been so scared to even just talk, that he keeps his head down and doesn’t make a sound unless spoken to. The man that saved my life today. The man that ran out of here is absolutely broken, and it’s 100% your fault!" you end, looking straight into Tony’s eyes.
"Y/N, Bucky’s-" Tony started, but you cut him off.
"Bucky is the only one in this tower to not have lied to me. All of you kept me in the dark on this." You're now looking at Steve. "You’re no better, Rogers. Half of the team, half of my family was in, not just any prison, but the fucking Raft, and none of you told me. Why? Why just me?" you almost whisper the question you’ve been wanting to ask for the last three months, tears flooding your eyes.
"We didn’t want to put that on you..." Steve says.
"We knew how hard it would’ve been for you to choose a side…" Tony adds.
"BULLSHIT!" you yell, startling them. "Do not give me this 'we did this for you' bullshit. You did this for yourselves, because neither of you wanted to see me choose the other one. But you know what? I don’t want to choose either of you. Now you both lost me. So I hope you’re happy, because you brought this on yourselves for lying to me for so long. I’m done!"
You get up, tears streaming down my cheeks, take the IV out of your arm and walk right out of the room while the two men watch you leave, too stunned to say anything.
Part 3
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jackdaniel69nice · 4 months
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Another tokoyami bird traits post because I’m crazy
Birds have very little sense of smell so he’s got a very weak olfactory system.
Birds can’t taste capsaicin so they can’t taste spiciness. Tokoyami’s food is a bit bland to some because he never really adds any to it. On the other hand he’s one of the only people that can handle bakugo’s curry. I’m going to go out on a limb and say dark shadow can’t taste spice either.
Tokoyami has shown minor territorial traits when it comes to letting people in his room. This can be explained with him being shy but I’m going to take it a step further. I think his room is like a safe space for him and he is very paranoid about people stealing things. He HATES when things get moved around and panics if he loses something so he gets very aggressive if someone tries to touch his stuff. He also has problems with being vulnerable and having people see his things because it lets them know his interests and he hates that. Do not sit on his bed without permission. He also has food anxiety so do not touch his food in the fridge or you will die. Dark shadow is even worse about this but they keep all their stuff under the bed so as long as you stay out of there you’ll be fine.
To add onto this tokoyami also has nesting tendencies. Unfortunately Tokoyami’s mother discouraged this behavior and tried to keep him from doing it. When he was little he would make his nests under the bed because it was well protected and dark. Eventually he outgrew the bed space and moved it to the back of his closet. He still has anxiety about someone finding one of his nests so it’s very small (literally only one blanket) and he keeps his closet door locked. Dark shadow still has their nest under the bed. Tokoyami only allows himself to be in his nest if he’s having a breakdown and needs comfort. It’s sad that he denies himself basic needs because of how he was raised.
Alright this one’s a little crazy but I think it would be cool if he had two stomachs. The first stomach is pretty normal, maybe it has a gizzard component so he can digest bones. But the other one is a crop so he can carry extra food to digest later, this would make sense because of his fast metabolism and he wouldn’t need to stop to eat so much. This entire thing was inspired by joke in the light novels where they said tokoyami has a “second stomach” for anything apple related XD
Do not get me started on dark shadows digestive system I have no idea how that works. They drank in the light novels that’s all I know. I guess the stuff just disappears, unless they don’t want it too.
Tokoyami’s beak perpetually grows so he has to file it down, I’ve heard you can use certain bones to do that so that’s kinda badass B)
I’ve seen a lot of debate about whether or not tokoyami has feathers or hair and my pick is both. His feathers don’t have a hollow shaft like hawk’s does and continually grows out of his head like hair. They still have the general shape of a feather though and need to be taken care of in a similar manner. The shaft is stronger than normal hair so it sticks up when it’s shorter but it’s still flexible and won’t break. Dark shadow is responsible for all preening fumikage would be useless without them. New feather growth is still covered in a sheathing that needs to be removed. Since it grows continuously it needs to be cut and shaped, dark shadow does this with their beak. During training all kinds of dirt blood and sweat will get in his feathers so he uses a special shampoo hawks recommend to him (hawks is unfortunately on the front of the bright red bottle).
This last part is a bit sad and has some trigger warnings I guess (tw self harm, hair pulling, eating disorders). Birds don’t do well with stress and tokoyami has some bad habits because of that. He will pull his feathers and bite his nails down to the bed until they bleed. He also has trouble eating and simply won’t do it when he’s too stressed. If he did eat and has a panic attack it might come back up. He was very underweight growing up from constant stress and was malnourished because of it. He has been a lot better about these things since coming to UA and even tries to follow a strict eating schedule but he still has bad days where he may skip several meals a day. You can almost always convince him to eat an apple or white rice tho (safe foods my beloved~). He wears special nail polish to keep him from biting his nails. If all else fails dark shadow doesn’t particularly like when he hurts himself and usually tries to intervene (sometimes their state of mind is in even worse shape though).
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klausysworld · 1 year
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Heyy I love your work I was wondering if you could do a klaus one we’re the reader is a bit chubby and all of a sudden she started wearing long sleeve and oversized stuff and nobody rlly noticed until they had a party or smth and she wears a dress and when they see here there all rlly shocked cause they didn’t notice how she a lot or weight in like a span of 2-4 weeks and she hasn’t eaten for like 2 days before the party
This one-shot will contain triggering content around eating disorders including both anorexia and bulimia. Please don’t read this is you feel it may upset you or harm you mental health. I’ve had personal issues around this area and know it can be hard. Don’t hesitate to reach out 🤍
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Too much or Not enough?
Y/n had struggled with weight as a child, and as a teenager. As a result she had a difficult relationship with food and clothes.
She was naturally a little curvier, but what some people saw as gorgeous another saw as an opportunity to poke fun. And so she grew up hating herself and those around her who would highlight her insecurities.
As she grew out of adolescence and into adulthood she lost a little weight. She went to the gym excessively and ate barely anything. It was unhealthy but in her eyes it was her best option.
She still had her curves but they were complimented more than they were judged but even when people said ‘good’ things about her body, she just saw it at mocking. She would have kept losing the weight but she ended up passing out at the gym and having the paramedics called. They told her she needed to keep a balanced diet and take care of herself and as much as she didn’t want to, the fear of being that embarrassed again haunted her.
So she ate some what regularly for a while but ended up with two fingers down her throat to get it all back out.
She would have carried on that way if it weren’t for the Mikaelsons.
She had ended up being wrapped into the supernatural world and suddenly there were so many other problems in her life that food was almost forgotten.
Between a temperamental pregnant Hayley, overly dramatic Rebekah, pissed off Elijah, furious Marcel, war raging Klaus, power-hungry witches, territorial werewolves and bloodthirsty vampires, Y/n didn’t have much time to focus on herself. Especially not after Hope was born.
The stress seemed to make her hungrier, she would go days without any food and then eating as much as she could to ‘keep herself going’.
She didn’t really realise she had put her weight back on, she assumed running around after everyone would have been enough exercise.
And when Klaus had shown interest in her, when he had kissed her and laid her heart out on his sleeve well she assumed she must have looked good. Someone like him wouldn’t go for who she used to be, right?
And so she gained a small amount of confidence until the supernatural communities began to calm down and it seemed people were more attentive.
Y/n was able to go out more, whether it was with Hayley, Rebekah, Davina or just by herself. And that’s how it circled back.
One or two comments on her figure from men made her wear baggier clothes. An awkward moment with Hayley and Rebekah when the girls went shopping and Rebekah unintentionally made a quip on y/n’s size. Apparently a dress that looked good on Hayley wouldn’t be nice on ‘someone like Y/n’. She had brushed it off and told Rebekah it was fine when the blonde began apologising but inside it was anything but fine.
Even if she hadn’t had any malicious intent or meant it in any offence, it tore up old wounds and brought back something much deeper rooted.
And then when things started to kick off again and Klaus payed y/n less and less attention or affection, she assumed it was because she was no longer attractive to him. Had she gained that much?
So she did what she knew would work.
She forced herself to the gym as often as she could for as long as she could. Drank as much water that was available to her and ate the bare minimum to keep her conscious. Throw up anyway meal that she did happen to consume and have a packet of gum handy incase she got too hungry.
It was even easier to do once Hope was around more, Y/n was often asked to look after the baby while the rest of them took on the new foes and unexpected family members.
When Klaus, Elijah and Marcel had announced there would be a party to celebrate the defeat of a common enemy, Y/n began to worry. The last time she had to dress of for one of those things she was much bigger than she had thought. Looking back on pictures of that evening persuaded her to gag and cough up to the point where she was only throwing up water and blood form how she had torn her throat inside.
Even Hope could sense the change in Y/n’s behaviour when she looked after her. But nobody else did, everyone was too busy to realise.
Klaus had barely looked at her let alone touched her to realise that she had done down 2 clothing sizes and yet was wearing t-shirts triple the size they would need to be. None of the girls payed enough attention to see the bags under Y/n’s eyes or to notice her absence each morning when she would struggle on a treadmill for hours on end. Only Hope, someone who wasn’t even a year old, would give Y/n the hug she so desperately needed.
———————————————————————
It was the day do the party, Y/n stared aimlessly at the dress she had chosen the week before. If she were honest she planned on not going at all, nobody would notice anyway. But then Rebekah came in all bubbly demanding that she know what colours people were wearing she they didn’t clash in photos.
Photos.
Y/n learned to despise them. “The camera adds 10 pounds” she was told by her mother when she was young and it was something she reminded herself every time a flash went off.
So she needed to make sure she looked okay.
She scrubbed her skin raw in the shower, shaved every last hair from her legs before moisturising them and the rest of her body. She avoided any full body length mirrors and focused on her face, covering every flaw possible. Her hair was pulled to be half up half down, leaving pieces to frame her face and still give her enough volume.
She managed to get the dress on that was now a little loose on her, which she should have been worried about but she couldn’t help but feel relieved. The zip went up effortlessly but even so, she didn’t want to step outside of that door. So she stayed on the edge of her bed, her nails licking at the material of her dress as she hoped the night would pass by without her.
She had no such luck when Hayley came knocking on the door
“Y/n? Are you okay? The party started a while ago” she called through the wall and Y/n pinched her own skin desperately
“I don’t think I’m gonna come down…I’ll just keep an eye on Hope” she replied
“Hope’s dressed up and downstairs with Klaus at the moment, you don’t need to watch her, come have fun!” She told her brightly and Y/n could feel herself getting hotter as the nerves poured in
“Parties aren’t really my scene” she responded softly “maybe next time okay?” She tried again but Hayley was getting persistent
“Oh come on, there’s music, drinks, food. Have you eaten yet? Come on we’ll go get something” she encouraged but that only made it worse. Y/n had made sure not to eat anything the last 2 days so that there was zero chance of any bloating and she wasn’t about to ruin that.
“I ate earlier” she lied and Hayley sighed
“Try make an appearance? If not for me then for Rebekah or Klaus” she asked and Y/n could have scoffed. As if either of them had cared less that she was there.
Well so she assumed.
Unfortunately for her she was proven wrong again when the door hand was twisted and pulled, a frustrated groan coming from the other side of the door when they realised it was locked
“Y/n?” Klaus questioned “come out” he ordered and she had the sudden urged to suffocate herself with a pillow.
“I’m going to sleep” she mumbled, though she was still dolled up and sat against the headboard but it wasn’t like he could see her.
“We can fix that, open the door and I’ll grab you a dress” he told her and she pinched the bridge of her nose
“I already have a dress” she muttered in defeat, Klaus wouldn’t walk away as easily as Hayley.
“Perfect. Put it on.” He grumbled “Rebekah needs you in the photo” he added and she nodded, of course they needed to keep their image up.
“I don’t want to be in the photo anyway” she murmured and he groaned
“Just do it” he complained and she reluctantly stood up.
She plodded her way to look in the mirror and yet despite the makeup on her face, she just looked tired. It didn’t matter anymore though, she looked bad in pictures either way, may as-well know it this time.
Just as Klaus was reader to break the handle off the door, it was clicked open and Y/n was looking up at him through glassy eyes.
Klaus’s expression dropped almost instantly when he looked at her. The dress was loose around her body in all areas, her arms thinner than usual making him frown and reach a hand out to grab ahold of her wrist. His eyes locked on hers and his lips parted in shock.
She assumed he was thinking she looked awful, was the dress too small again? Was she too big? She could feel her face heating and her eyes filling with tears. Her breathing grew more laboured and her hands began to ping at the fabric around her to make it seem baggier.
Klaus quickly pulled her into his room so nobody could look up the stairs and see them. He stroked her hair gently as he wrapped his arms around her in an attempt to stop any tears from falling.
“Sweetheart” he whispered quietly, guilt beginning to rise in him. People didn’t loose this much weight this fast. He knew he had been distant the last month but that was to keep her safe not to make her sick, was she I’ll and not told anybody? Or was this something much more?
He feared for the last one as he rubbed her back soothingly while small sniffs lift her and panicked apologies flooded form her lips.
“Why are you sorry my love?” He murmured gently.
“I just wanted to be pretty” she uttered and his heart ached for her. “I tried really hard” she whispered “it wasn’t enough”
“Y/n…” he murmured as his arms held her a little tighter “you’re always pretty, you’re beautiful and bright” he told her “don’t change anything about yourself for anyone else ever”
“I did it for me too” she mumbled and he nodded hesitantly
“Yeah but…this isn’t the way” he whispered and she sniffed
“It’s the only way that works” she argued
“Love, what have you been eating?” He asks and she frowns
“Why does that matter?”
“Because there’s a difference between eating healthily and not eating enough” he told her and she began to grow more upset at his tone
“I eat too much” she utters and he sighs, he placed both hands on her shoulders and looks down at her
“Nobody thinks that” he whispered, his eyes locked on hers as though it would make her listen better. “Not eating at all is as bad as eating too much, we can find a good balance” he persuaded
“I’ve tried balanced diets, it doesn’t work” she shakes her head frustrated
“I’ll find you a better one” he decided and she lets out a laugh
“Why because I suddenly matter enough? If you only just realised that I’ve lost the weight when we live in the same home then Im clearly not worth-“
“Stop” he whispered, a crack in his tone “do not do this to me and do not do this to yourself” he let out a breath “I wouldn’t ever want this to happen to you, I care about you. I was just leaving you out of all the darkness and the pain, you weren’t supposed to bring it to yourself” he snapped. His eyes were hard though he didn’t mean to appear so angry as tears freely flowed down Y/n’s face and a sob let her lips.
At the sound of her cries, Klaus’s bedroom door was opened rather suddenly. A concerned Elijah stepped inside, his eyes falling to Y/n and his brows furrowing as he noticed his brother trying to apologise. Then he noticed the differences from the last few times he had seen her and he picked up on what was happening pretty quickly.
He closed the door behind him and came forward, coaxing Y/n out of Klaus’s arms and into his own.
“Would you like a smoothie my dear? We’ve stocked the kitchen with fruits recently” Elijah murmured softly, his chin on top her head as he glanced to an upset Niklaus. Y/n frowned in confusion at the offer and at the calming affect Elijah seemed to have over everyone. He wasn’t really the hugging type but it was nice to experience one. She didn’t reply but he kept talking “how about I go and get you a smoothie while Niklaus helps you out of this dress? I’m sure you can wear one of his shirts for bed hm?” He lifted her chin up to look down at her. She blinked at him unsure as he tried to convince her further “I’ll bring Hope up as well?” He offered and she nodded slowly.
Elijah gave a look to Klaus and both brothers began to move. Elijah rushed off downstairs and Klaus grabbed one of his henleys. Y/n kept her eyes on the ground as Klaus’s fingers gently undid the dress
“I’m sorry my love” he whispered as he let the material drop down to the floor making goosebumps arise across her skin. His lips pressed to her shoulder softly before the warmth of his top was pulled over her head and her arms were pulled into the sleeves. His arms slid round her waist gently and his nose buried into her hair.
She kept quiet, eyes down as he unclipped her curls and let it all fall loosely around her face. Soft kisses planted their way up her face as Elijah returned with a smoothie and a straw.
Both brothers guided her to sit up on Klaus’s bed before sitting either side of her. Gently she was pulled into Klaus’s lap and the straw was brought to her lips
“The cup is only half full, the rest of it is in the fridge for tomorrow if you should want more” Elijah tells her with a reassuring smile
Klaus brushed his hands along her sides gently as she reluctantly drank what she was given. Both brothers continued to speak of random topics to keep the attention off of her as she took small sips as slowly leant back against Klaus’s chest.
15 minutes later Hayley came by and dropped Hope off, both she and Elijah left, leaving Klaus, Y/n and Hope to snuggle up together with the silent promise that at least Klaus and Elijah and most likely the rest of the Mikaelsons would be helping Y/n find a happier,healthier state of mind and body.
(I hope this was what was wanted, I didn’t go too deep into the topic and still wanted it to have a relatively happier/promising ending. If a darker message or ending was wanted then I would be okay with trying to write something similar for anyone out there. I understand the struggles with eating disorders and also with self harm and just mental health in general so feel free to message or request, anything at all :))
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osachiyo · 1 year
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please for the love of god, read my rules before interacting/requesting.
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Stuff I don't write ↓
amab/male reader + etc, pseudo/step-cest/incest, necro, vore, character x character, age regression, lolicon/shotacon, ddlg, foot fetish, bukkake, gang bangs, pedophilia, breast feeding, watersports, piss kink, domestic abuse, brainwashing, scat, cbt, food play, snowballing, race play, m-preg, knotting, bestiality, eating disorders, wound fucking, heavy bleeding, milf! reader, shock play, shoe licking, high school au! setting (nsfw), panty sniffing, sounding, race/color specified reader, oc's, SUKUNA, aging up minors etc. — these are subjected to change.
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