#I don’t think that that’s actually being particularly emphasized so much as a more general karmic consequences of his actions

[daydreamerdrew]

New Comics (1935) #11

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

What are some major differences that you've noticed between the Japanese and international TWST fandoms in regards to characters they like? Why do you think that's the case? (One I've noticed on the top of my head is Trey being more popular in Japan while he's completely written off as a "big brother" character in the west.)

The main differences in character popularity that I’ve noticed (or at least the most immediate ones I think of) are that Trey is much more popular in Japan than he is internationally and that Malleus is much more popular internationally than he is in Japan.

I think a lot of trends in character popularity (including the cases of Trey and Malleus) can be attributed to differences in demographics and culture. (Please note that everything I say in this post are vast generalizations which are NOT representative of every individual, nor each group.)

To begin with, the JP audience is predominantly older/working women, whereas the EN audience is skewed younger (adolescents and young adults). This age shift between the parts of the fandom can have an impact on general tastes in characters.

I genuinely think a large part of the reason for Malleus’s popularity overseas (and especially in the west, more specifically America) is because he happens to be designed and written in a way that appeals to the demographic of players there (ie younger people). A lot of the media marketed towards adolescents and young adults in the west often involves edgy/dark, brooding protagonists or love interests (bonus points if they’re also some kind of supernatural being). These are your Twilights, your A Court of Thorns and Roses, etc. It’s what people are used to as a trend in western media, and it is what is sold as “desirable” or as “the fantasy” to young, impressionable minds—and it keeps happening because it has proven to be effective. Then here comes Malleus, who is so very close to what many young fans are already familiar with and may already enjoy the tropes of. It just naturally falls into place.

Now, Japan also has a lot of media featuring angsty characters and supernatural beings. A lot of your typical isekai shows and manga/light novels come to mind lookin’ at you, Kirito from SAO. So why is it that Malleus is not as popular in his country of origin than he is overseas?? Well, I’d probably (once again) chalk it up to demographics. The wish fulfillment fantasies featuring edgy characters are primarily aimed at a juvenile/teenage audience, and, as I’ve previously mentioned, this is not the case for TWST’s audience in Japan. It’s mainly older women, and because of their maturity and life experiences, they may be more likely to appreciate subdued/subtle characters that the younger international fans would maybe deem “boring” (like Trey).

I think another reason for Malleus’s popularity, particularly in the west, is because he actively notices Yuu compared to the other characters. A majority of the things that happen in TWST can occur without Yuu really being there; however, because Malleus’s friendship with Yuu is consistently mentioned throughout the course of the main story, it actually lends weight and importance to Yuu’s presence. This aligns with “main character” culture in the west, which emphasizes “standing out” and the protagonist playing an active role in the story rather than being sidelined. I don’t think the “main character” culture is as prominent in Japan as it is overseas because Japan values collectivism over individualism. (This is even reflected in many Yuusonas of Japanese creators not having super fleshed out profiles/backstories, or the designs being more lowkey.) Therefore, Malleus would lose some of the appeal he gets from actually acknowledging Yuu.

Again, I want to stress that these are just my best guesses to explain character popularity discrepancies. These generalizations are not representative of everyone, nor are they entirely accurate.

[boynextdoorcoverpoison]

me analyzing the album just a little bit. mostly for the sake of getting deep and emotional (mostly emotional) about call me.

which like starting disclaimer: at the time of me writing this, I haven’t watched interviews or the showcase. this is merely my own interpretation

anyways

the album 19.99 is very focused on the idea of approaching your twenties. what it means to navigate out of being a teenager and into your twenties. particularly in korean culture, this is the transition into adulthood. what’s interesting to note here is that half the group was already 20 at the time of preparing the album. leehan and taesan turn 20 this year. woonhak is about two years away from 20.

the interesting part is that you have three different perspectives of approaching turning 20. you have people who have done that, who have been in that first year of their twenties for the past almost year or so. but you also have people very much in the process of turning 20, now. in the moment, in the present, grappling with what that means. and then you have the additional perspective of approaching 20 at a distance. that there are still years to live before meeting that moment in the future.

so looking at the album as a whole, it’s a compilation of the three perspectives. it’s also just addressing what your 20s might hold as a whole. growing up in general. that dangerous focuses on the fun of it all. the thrill of independence and such. to a certain extent, it’s a romanticized version of one’s twenties. the reference to mom and dad implying something a bit more teenage rebellion than actual adulthood, but still that thrilling dip into independence you didn’t have before. I would associate it with the perspective of the age group woonhak belongs to. the people on the verge of 20 but still a good amount away from it.

gonna be a rock focuses more on the hardships of growing up. whether it be people growing apart or just the overall sense that heartbreak might be involved in it all. the ways we handle that different as adults than we might have as teens/kids. nice guy is something a bit more empowered, not quite the impulsive thrill of dangerous, but something more honed. the proud badge of adulthood. the confidence that comes with reaching that milestone. these two tracks feel more within the age group of leehan and taesan. it’s the feeling of 20 truly approaching and how we interact with the experience, in the moment, of turning 20. it’s also worth noting the heartbreak aspect seems to tie directly back to the heartbreak ending implied in the first love trilogy, emphasizing a more “present focus” as referencing their previous works directly places us in present time of what they are doing.

then you have 20 which with lyrics like “ready to be 20? I don’t think so / but it’s been a long time since I turned 20” which considers the idea of wondering if you’re ready for the future that you’ve seemed to already have arrived in—have been living in, even. and further into the song “why do people say these are the best times? / I used to be the size of a grain of rice / but now I’ve barely grown to the size of an egg” which reflects on growing, and knowing you’ve grown, but compared to where everyone (society lol) made it seem like you be… you still feel small. the song also goes on to look at turning 30. that maybe 30 will be filled with everything turning 20 didn’t have. it’s the perspective of growing up you don’t have til you’ve done it, and so it’s a song I believe represents the third perspective of the hyung line—the people who have turned 20. what it means to live in that. how to handle the disillusion of it all. it’s a bit tragic but to me the “my youth is free” is meant to emphasize the idea that despite all the your twenties can hurt, no matter how much it seems appealing to be able to move through the time quickly—to look forward to the future rather than deal with the now—the now is what you have. what you’re given freely. your youth is free, enjoy it. live in it.

which before moving on to call me, I would like to point out that the “super laptop” (read: the blackberry woonhak finds) is originally in a container thing that says FREE in the trailer for the album. it’s a device that supposedly reveals all the secrets of your twenties. and one lucky person gets it. things to note in that is that:

1) the laptop is actually a phone. this is important when I talk about call me

2) isn’t always the movies and media conveying the idea of what your twenties should be? how your teen years should be? how college should be? what a relationship is supposed to look like? how and who you should be? it’s always the media perpetuating ideas. the ad about the super laptop is functioning to represent that. the idea that you could know everything from one device, but in reality? we know that’s not true. especially because we all have different experiences

so back to the FREE and “my youth is free” it’s almost like someone who has gone through their fake “super laptop” advertisement and realized that, sure technically that was free, but instead of worrying and wishing for a future that has yet to come, maybe it’s better to focus on the present that we have. while we have it. while it’s free. while we don’t need to only access it through memory.

which going into call me, again I point back to the trailer. the super laptop is a phone. this is incredibly important in that if the super laptop = secrets to your twenties, and the also super laptop = phone… then by the transitive property, secrets to your twenties = phone. woonhak is the holder of said phone. woonhak is, in the trailer, actively approaching 20, and in real life, is the member most fitting for the “not yet 20” age group.

so what does it mean?

I believe that while call me is open to interpretation of a very vague audience, to an extent I do believe there is a bit of addressal from 5/6 towards woonhak. again, this is a bit loose in that woonhak has credits on this song, but given what woonhak’s been through in the last year, it is something I do think is meant to be layer from their personal level to a more generalized people in their 20s to people turning 20.

the song starts with the narrator listing their hardships. it ranges from bad hair days to missing a bus, from spilling coffee to feeling like it’s not getting better. it all calls back to the pain described in 20 (which is part of why the tracks are order that way I believe). it focuses on this sense of, feeling alone in that pain and struggle. and then it goes “if it feels like you […] // you can call me, call me, call me”

here, the narrator says the person can reach out. that if they feel alone, they’re actually not. they too feel that way. they too have been there. which if woonhak is the one with the phone, thus the one capable of calling, then it’s like 5/6 saying that when he needs somebody, they’re there. when he feels alone or afraid or in pain, they’re there. they’ve been there.

the second verse turns into reassurance. there’s a call and response at the beginning that pushes the phone call alluded to in the hook/chorus. the part of the verse right before the second chorus goes “when you get angry, just scream / you don’t have to cry silently all night long” which in particular reminds me of the members’ ending ments from the fanmeeting, specifically on how jaehyun comforted woonhak. that and in woonhak’s previous weverse mag interview i don’t have a link for. it’s the idea of encouraging him to feel the way he feels, to let the feelings be felt. it’s reiterating the advice.

which supports the metaphor of the “super laptop” just being a phone. and the secrets to turning 20 that it holds, just being the ability to connect woonhak with his hyungs. that overall, the idea that we are not alone. even when we aren’t sure what the future holds, in someways there are people already in that future with advice to give. not literally, but in the idea that, you’re not the first person turning 20 or 25 or 30 or starting a new job. it’s a new experience for you, but others have done it. they cannot give you all the answers, but they might be able to give you some.

and for the people living in their twenties or thirties, there’s something comforting to be able to pass a bit of advice or comfort on to those who are approaching those “milestones” in life. we cannot answer all their questions, but if it could make it just a bit easier, if it’s simply having someone there with you… there’s comfort and reassurance in that. there’s good in that.

so call me feels a bit like a reminder that wherever we are in life… you’re not alone in that. not completely. and the lyrics in the chorus “take me to the place where you go / i’ll take you to the place where I go” calls to a reciprocation. that it’s not just one person helping the other or keeping the other company, but that both are equally less alone because they’re together.

and for me to get a little more speculative back to how this might be for the group, I think it’s meant to serve as an acknowledgment towards woonhak in yes, they’re entering their twenties while he’s not. yes that can be scary for them all. growing up means facing all the good and bad and inbetween that just comes with life. but despite the hardship, they’re there for each other. and as woonhak grows into turning 20 and all that comes with it, if he ever feels lonely, he just needs to call. they’re there. they’re there to say he’s not alone. to remind him it’s okay to feel as he feels. that it’s important to push forward and find the joy even when it’s dark, but it’s also important to let whatever feelings there are be felt. he’s not alone. none of them are.

which altogether, call me is just an excellently done song. this album as a whole is phenomenal, particularly on a cohesive concept level for me. but call me in particular, I think, is a stand out on this album and their discography. it’s fitting for their overall concept as a group. it’s a sound that reflects them and their growth artistically thus far. it’s lyrically written to berelatable but also likely specific to them. call me approaches loneliness with the acceptance of the feeling, but the hopes to provide reassurance that they aren’t truly alone. and if they or you or I cannot make everything better, then maybe it’s about just going through it together.

and if that isn’t a very good summation of what boynextdoor kind of is, then I’m not sure what else is. it’s the idea of their group being something more grounded and relatable (compared to like vampires or dimension-hopping pirates). just people. growing up. going through life. and maybe as onedoor you meet them as someone older. maybe someone younger. maybe someone the same age. whatever it may be, as time passes, we are still growing. and so for them to continue to approach their art in a way that reflects the complexity of growing up… whether it be through first loves or milestones likes turning 20 or getting your license or first job… it’s like growing up together. a further reminder that despite all the lonely, you’re not alone. none of us are.

[venusofvolterra]

Do you think Felix would love curvy women or girl who look like bella since he flirted with her multiple times and tried to call dibs on her

//CW: We are discussing historical views of sex/sexuality/beauty standards. Be warned there is some incredibly uncomfortable topics touched on briefly -- many of which involve consent that is dubious at best.

First things first: we are operating purely in HC territory

First, let's establish that we have exactly nothing as far as a canon backstory for Felix is concerned, we just know that he is really old.

Reasonably, based on Felix's unknown but incredibly old age, his rank in the Volturi despite lacking a gift, his physique and height, and his role as an executioner, enforcer, and strategist; many have headcannoned him to have been a Roman gladiator or soldier in his human life.

The historical context that may have influenced Felix’s preferences

I have discussed before how I do think a Vampire’s human life may have some influence on their preferences concerning physical attractiveness.

Without knowing exactly when/where in Rome Felix was born, it is impossible to pinpoint the exact beauty standards he would have been conditioned into appreciating. 

That being said, it is a common misconception that Romans were largely interested in curvier women. This was definitely a much more prominent beauty standard in ancient Greece. In Rome, a particular physique was not as emphasized as other standards of beauty were and the appreciation of curves varied in different places and times. Other beauty standards were generally more emphasized. For example, paleness, smelling nice, and generally speaking: athleticism was appreciated amongst Roman women. 

Here is a more extensive article on Roman beauty standards if you’re interested.

It is very common that in one way or another, most people’s preferences somewhat differ from those that are popular. This is for a plethora of reasons, however, much like today, it was very difficult for women who were not rich or nobility to fully attain these standards. 

As far as how much Felix’s own preferences matched these standards? Frankly, if he was a gladiator in his human life, that would not have mattered.

As a gladiator, Felix would have been a slave with no actual bodily autonomy.

That being said gladiators did have sex, however, they definitely couldn’t be as choosey as say, a free nobleman. Most of his sexual encounters would have either been with prostitutes that would have been paid for by his keepers or with female slaves (who were often forced to participate by their owners). 

Some scholarship even suggests that certain gladiators themselves were sex trafficked, and if this was the case, it was likely the strongest, most successful, or famous ones. Which is along the lines of how people headcanon Felix. I’ll leave it at that.

And Frankly, I don’t want to get into Felix’s potential exploits if he had been a soldier *cough cough* pederasty *cough cough*

Okay so let’s inch closer to twilight canon: we know he was probably there for the Volturi golden age in the Renaissance

As far as a time period that I think would have had an immense impact on Felix’s sexual preferences in which he was probably the most sexually liberated and autonomous he’s ever been? The Italian Renaissance bay-by!

From the context clues you can reasonably gather the Volturi and Volterra particularly thrived during the Renaissance and on into the Enlightenment.

Italy’s city-states were massive cultural centers.I can imagine that this is where the Volturi’s appreciation for the arts and sciences was reignited – much like how it was in actual history, this return to ancient heritage reignited these in Italy generally. World maps from the renaissance even place the Mediterranean as the exact center of the world. Even though the Volturi kept themselves a secret in the time, I do believe this would have been something of a golden age for them. The architecture of Volterra even suggests this and so does their rather Machiavellian style of rulership (Caius read The Prince and quotes it to win arguments with Aro now). 

As far as renaissance beauty standards are concerned, we do have many more exact depictions and articulations of what was prized. Things like curves, long, flowing hair, and dark brown eyes were preferred. 

Think of the works of Botticelli for example. 

On Bella and these standards

Other than being bigger, Bella does fit some of these beauty standards, so I don’t think it’s entirely fair to discount her being attractive to Felix if we’re assuming that Roman and Italian Renaissance standards played a role in his personal preferences. Bella still has long, beautiful hair, dark brown eyes, pale skin, and soft features.

But also, immortality and general worldliness

I do also find it difficult to believe that when one’s as old, worldly, and couth as members of the Volturi are portrayed as being that one maintains a myopic view of physical beauty. 

Now, this gets really nerdy but at that time (Renaissance into Enlightenment), contemplating and questioning beauty as a concept was very popular amongst the enlightened crowd (you bet Marcus was all over that shit). Even if you don’t think Felix is as interested in art, philosophy, and the sciences as the kings (I do), he was at the very least exposed to them and is decently well-versed in them. What well-off renaissance man wouldn’t have been?

Also, Vampires are on average significantly hotter than the average person. Which means regardless, Felix has met beautiful vampires from all walks of life, people he would maybe not have considered beautiful before meeting them. To put it simply: when you have access to the worlds hottest people, how much more picky are you really gonna be?

I also think that generally speaking, Felix probably isn’t all that interested in sexual relationships with humans unless under very specific circumstances. 

This all means two things: Felix’s dating pool is incredibly small and incredibly hot. 

Why he really flirts with Bella 

If I’m being honest, I think the reason Felix flirts with Bella is likely the same reason he winks at the secretary – because he can. 

It’s probably particularly gratifying to goad Edward by doing this. 

He’s the biggest, strongest person in the room and has a very high status in polite vampire society – what’s Edward really gonna do if he flirts with Bella? 

I think also with SMeyer it’s entirely possible that she was like “hot evil Italian vampires? Gotta make them flirty.”

The Volturi and sex on the job

This also brings me to one more point I wanna make: I don’t think the guard actually sleeps around as much as many others do, so Felix talks a big game for fun but doesn’t typically act on it. So who he’s flirting with isn’t a precise indication of who he’s attracted to.

There’s a few reasons for this but this post is already getting incredibly long. So to make it quick: Aro likes to maintain a professional standard, which means nothing that can be construed as coercive or an abuse of power is allowed – a standard which Felix has clearly maintained for over two millennia

TLDR; While examining the evolution of his preferences is fascinating, I don’t think Felix has many body type preferences and mostly flirts with Bella to be an ass. At the end of the day he’s a professional so sleeping around with secretaries and other vampires without rhyme and reason, potentially risking the wrath of the kings, probably isn’t something he’s doing. 

PS. In looking at it again, it seems like when he calls dibs on her it’s to kill her. Nonetheless, he does get to flirting with her — mostly after she’s turned tho.

[raksha-the-demon]

Just curious what the difference between a roguelike and a soulslike actually is? - I see those descriptors a lot but it's hard to grasp as someone who doesn't play a variety of games

THANK YOU for giving me an excuse to talk about this. Also sorry for taking so long, it's just that every time I started writing this out I ended up getting way too lost in the weeds and having to backtrack so it didn’t just turn into a meandering essay of Raksha’s Opinions On Vidjagames. (Also shoutout to the spellchecker that thinks it should be “vidja games”. Perfect software, zero notes.)

So, first, a quick disclaimer that these terms, like all genre terms but particularly gaming genre terms, are fuzzy and ill-defined. Not everyone draws the line between them in exactly the same place, but the important thing is that there is a line, and some games are clearly on different sides of it. Like Hades and Elden Ring, which was the comparison that gave me psychic damage.

Roguelikes (named after the 1980s game Rogue) and soulslikes (named after Dark Souls et al) are both known for being difficult genres where you die a lot and it takes many, many, many attempts to actually win. The major design difference between them is that roguelikes use random generation that changes things up when you die, while soulslike games keep the world pretty much static. But I think a more useful distinction from a player perspective is that roguelikes emphasize strategy while soulslikes emphasize tactics. 

Strategy is about broader planning and overall intent, while tactics are about specific actions taken moment to moment. If you were cleaning a room part of your strategy might be “work top to bottom” while your tactics would be more like “clean this specific shelf first”. Both types of planning are used in each game (it's kind of impossible to have one without the other), but the emphasis changes. The randomized nature of roguelikes force the player to constantly adjust to new situations, whereas soulslike games encourage players to continually iterate on and perfect methods for dealing with very specific and known problems.

Let’s imagine two scenarios. Both start off the same way, with a player exploring a dungeon. They start in a room with three skeletons, which they kill. In the back of a room is a chest with a cool sword. It’s better than the player’s current weapon, so they equip it and continue to the next room, where the boss is waiting. The boss does a stomping attack that the player wasn’t expecting, and the player dies. They respawn back at the start of the dungeon.

In the soulslike scenario, the player still has the cool sword equipped, which they use to kill those first three skeletons even more easily than before. There’s no longer an item chest in the room because they already looted it, so the player continues to the boss fight. They know about the stomping attack now, so when the animation starts they’re able to dodge out of the way. This time they are killed when the boss throws a rock at them, so on the next iteration the player tries standing under the boss during the rock throw, so that they can’t be hit. This process continues with the player iterating on their battle tactics until they eventually win and can proceed further into the game. 

In the rougelike scenario the player no longer has the cool sword when they respawn, and the first room has a pair of wolves instead of skeletons, and no item chest. The next room doesn’t contain the boss this time, but five skeletons and a spike trap. The player does find an item chest here, this time containing a bow. They equip it, and then proceed through several more rooms of random monsters before coming to the boss room. The boss does exactly the same things it did the first time around, but this time the player is using a bow, so they decide to keep their distance and attack from range. They don’t have to dodge the stomp attack because they’re too far away for it to hit. The rock toss almost gets them, but they see it coming and are able to duck behind cover. The boss eventually kills them with an area attack, and the player goes back to the start, where they fight through a new version of the dungeon and find a new weapon, which opens up different strategies for how to tackle the boss. 

Personally I find the soulslike model frustrating, because it feels like I’m just running headfirst into a wall over and over again. Roguelikes don’t give me that same sensation despite being more punishing in a lot of ways, because each run keeps things fresh. Other people love soulslikes because they enjoy perfecting their skill, and find the randomness of roguelikes to be an impediment to that.

[northern-passage]

honestly you are so right abt the descriptions of ROs in IF. some of them will LITERALLY go like "omg they look like a supermodel". i cannot express how boring that is. it doesn't tell me anything about the character and their idiosyncrasies. and it's hard to wrap my head around the mental image of a cast who is supposed be so much hotter than everyone else in the world. like, my suspension of disbelief is being spread thin rn.

i agree abt comments on the MC being conventionally attractive as well. some of my MCs are decidedly NOT, and then the game tries to dispute me on it. lol

i also think all of this is harmful on a wider level bc it reinforces that 1) beauty is a scale and 2) everyone has to fit into beauty standards to be worthy. but most ppl arent ready for THAT conversation.

thank you :-) hope you dont mind me using this ask to share some more of my thoughts; i complained a lot about what i dislike without really giving any alternatives or examples of what i do like. obviously this is personal opinion and i am Not a professional, i’m just a hobby writer and i don’t intend for any of this to be word of god or anything like that, and my writing is far from "perfect," but this is kind of the baseline i use for myself and what i strive for, and maybe someone will find it useful.

first, to explain the big issue i really have, it is exactly what you said in your last point, about beauty standards. if i wanted to be generous when reading the "supermodel hot" description, i would say that "supermodel" could mean anything - particularly now, the modeling industry is far more diverse than it was in the 90s/early 00s. i could read "supermodel" and just infer that clearly this person is just meant to be very attractive, and that's all it's telling me. but really what is usually and truly meant by "supermodel hot" is skinny and conventionally attractive (adhering to eurocentric beauty standards and gender roles). "supermodel hot" is just a way of implying that without really saying it, because if you said that out loud it's a bit…. 😬

and it's just really boring. when i hear "supermodel hot" i envision a line of identical barbie/ken dolls, indistinguishable and grossly perfect. where is the pizzazz? where is the personality?

to be fair, this is not me saying you cannot describe someone as "supermodel hot" - like i said, supermodel can technically mean anything. but if you're going to do that, you need to give me something else, too, that tells me exactly what you mean by "supermodel hot."

so how do you do that?

my first bit of advice is both my favorite and most controversial…. show, don't tell. obviously my writing style leans heavily into elaborate descriptions and building atmosphere, but not everyone writes the same. however, when it comes to character descriptions, i still think this advice is solid, even if you have a less flowery style, because it’s not really just about detailed descriptions, it's about character design. the original post already talks about it, but essentially: Show me why this person is attractive, as opposed to just Telling me.

specifically for IF, (though context matters so this varies) but i would actually completely avoid describing someone outright as attractive, handsome, beautiful, etc. especially upon first introductions. the player is going to be the one to decide if this person is attractive - you don't need to tell them that. it's also going to be assumed that the player is aware what kind of game they're playing - they know this is an RO, you don't need to shove it down their throats by emphasizing how hot and amazing they are.

when i write a straightforward physical description, there are only two things i absolutely need to get across in their introduction: hair and skin tone. i actually prefer less detailed introductions, and find it more natural when the player discovers things organically through the text. you're not going to notice every little thing about a person when you first meet them!

what you do notice: hair, skin tone, any distinguishing features.

Lea has the beauty marks beneath their eye, and long, dark hair. Merry has her bandana, red hair, and she also has a tooth gap, and since she's smiling when you meet her, the hunter notices. Clementine has obnoxious clothes and curly hair. Noel has the gold hunter eyes, xir eye makeup, and xir locs.

in tnp, i do actually have a bit more of detailed introduction for everyone, because i can get away with it - their intros are pretty spread out, with Clem's in the prologue, and Merry's and Noel's in ch1. you already know Lea, so their features are peppered in throughout the prologue and ch1 - i try to avoid direct descriptions for any characters that have a pre-established relationship with the mc, because the mc already knows what that character looks like. i like to work it in for the player as they read. i would not do my intros this way if you met everyone at the same time - you want to avoid overwhelming the reader or confusing them with too many people at once.

just give them the distinct features.

Merry is a tall woman, though not as tall as Lea, with long auburn hair and tanned, freckled skin. She has a bandana covering her right eye, and when she smiles, you notice a charming little gap between her two front teeth. Noel, standing at her side, is shorter and larger than her, with dark brown skin and short, locked hair swept back out of his face, the gold in his eyes flashing against his white eyeliner as he glances between you and Lea. Clementine, the little bard, stands behind the both of them, wringing their hands and hiding behind their short brown curls. The ruffles of their dress are a stark white against their olive skin, and you can't help but be assaulted by their loud jacket, both in color and volume, bells sewn haphazardly into the fabric that sound softly with each little movement, giving away their nerves as they shrink back even more behind Noel.

this is a short snappy introduction. it gives a straightforward physical description of everyone, a quick mention of unique features, and with Clementine we also get a bit of their mannerisms right away. as the story progresses, and you get to know them more, you'll also notice more. personally, in real life, i do not notice eye color right away, unless someone has a very distinct eye color - this is something that you could include in first introductions, or mention later, in a one-on-one scene with the character where the mc notices it for the first time. Clementine's freckles, Merry's tattoos and scars, Noel's jewelry - that kind of thing can be slowly fed to the player over time. i also like to save the "curve of their lips" kind of stuff for more flirty/intimate scenes. there's no reason to comment on that when you're first meeting, especially in a tense situation where that would be the last thing on the hunter's mind - like i said, the player knows these are potential ROs, you don't need to force it. i also like having certain distinct, consistent features i bring up in those one-on-one/intimate scenes - i said before i tend to focus on Lea's and Noel's eyes, while i typically mention Clementine's curls or Merry's red hair and freckles. the more you get to know them, the more attractive those distinct features will become.

and the other important thing to remember is that it doesn't all have to be a clinical physical description. there are plenty of games i've played that actually have very little physical description, but each character has a very distinct Vibe. are they broody? are they bubbly? are they excitable? are they mischievous? how do they carry themselves? i describe Merry as commanding when you first meet her. Noel is graceful when xe comes in to heal you.

what are their little quirks? Lea always has a furrowed brow, or they're fidgeting with their thumb ring. Merry likes to smirk and tease and cross her arms. Clementine wrings their hands and pulls on their curls. Noel smiles softly, messes with xir locs, and will duck inside xir hood just like the hunter. you give them mannerisms, you give them charm, and people will find them attractive without you having to call them supermodels and imply some impossible standard. it will also make your characters more genuine and likable, as well as unique - these are not cardboard cutout supermodels, and by giving them unique features and emphasizing/romanticizing those features it will make them attractive in a more memorable way. and if you're lucky, it will force players to challenge beauty standards elsewhere. i want to wax poetic about how sexy i think Noel's stomach looks in tight leather armor, and the player is going to read it - a romantic description like that may challenge preconceived ideas that person may have about fat stomachs. this is also why i like to emphasize Lea's black eyes so much as well.

when it comes to the mc, i try to avoid having any of the ROs directly comment about anything physical, unless it's something that is fully established in game - like their scars, or the fact that they're a bit muscular from combat training/their lifestyle. i already explained that i don't think a character calling someone hot actually implies "conventional attractiveness," since beauty/attraction is subjective, so i think it would be silly to completely avoid those kinds of compliments. i think what's important is how you execute them.

Merry is always trying to look into the hunter's hood, and if you go and see her in the evening, she'll say she "likes seeing your face." it doesn't imply anything about how that face looks, if that makes sense. Noel does call the hunter attractive, but it's about their scars, something that is typically "unconventional" and again doesn't really imply anything about how the hunter looks - just that Noel thinks their scars make them attractive.

we already talked about the "you're so hot when you're mad" type of comment, but an example of that kind of compliment done Well that always comes to mind for me is Alistair in dragon age: origins, when he suddenly calls the warden beautiful in a quiet moment with just the two of them - he really means it, and it clearly doesn't really have anything to do with how the warden actually looks, but how he's feeling in that moment. it's always felt really authentic to me, like he just couldn't contain himself and has to blurt it out - as opposed to a forced, quippy one liner, or a sudden, obscenely sexual remark that just makes me cringe. (not that some of those scenes in origins don't also make me cringe. but we can't all be perfect all of the time….)

and i'm not trying to say all flirty/suggestive compliments are off the table - Merry and Clementine are the two characters that make more overtly sexual comments, and if that's fitting for the character, then go for it - there are plenty of moments where a playful, spicy comment does hit right, but don't overdo it. Merry is clearly the "no strings attached" love interest, but she isn't constantly talking about how she wants to fuck the hunter in all of their interactions. honestly.... it's weird, and can verge on sexual harassment if you do it too often and at inappropriate moments. but there's nothing wrong with showing sexual interest, and again, attraction is subjective - people do not have to be "conventionally attractive" to be desirable, no matter what society tries to tell you. it's not that people are "ugly", it's that society's beauty standards for what is "beautiful" are too narrow, limiting and unrealistic. (read this article from the original post)

so just in general, with the mc, my advice is to be mindful. you don't want to "default" them (typically as thin and white) when the mc can be anyone - you want to avoid implying anything that could alienate potential players (blushing, hair, etc). though there are games with more pre-set mcs, including personality as well as potentially physical appearance, like with tnp the hunter is always going to have scars and have at least a little visible muscle, so that's something to also keep in mind while making your character as a reader.

all of that to say, character design is important, the little things are important. don't just settle for "supermodel hot." give them something to work with! you want to actually make a character, not a boring, pretty doll.

sorry for the long post, i hope this is helpful to somebody, or at least interesting to read about, if you can decipher the rambling. i tend to jump on the chance to talk about this kind of thing, so thanks for the ask, even though you didn't ask for this at all. lol ❤

and of course, context matters, so this may not all be applicable to every game/story ever, and i don't intend to imply that any of this is the only Correct way. if you're writing a fast pace, spicey romance, it will be different! different styles, different settings, different tones, different vibes, it will all be different, and that's fine. variety is the spice of life :-) this is just how i approach character design, and it's what i like to see as a reader, and what i try to achieve as a writer.

[tenshiharmonia]

So, I went to see the Super Mario movie saturday afternoon and I must say, I had an absolute blast. Don't get me wrong, it was far from perfect. And I'll have to agree that it could have used ten or fifteen more minutes to pace things a little more organically. But really, I had a smile on my face the entire time. As a Bowser fan, the film was an especially exhilarating treat. From enjoying himself at a heavy metal concert, to bashfully trying to woo the princess, writing her an exquisitely awkward love song and rehearsing his proposal with Kamek, to ruthlessly tearing into the hero after they saved the day ruined everything he worked so hard towards, he walked such an astounding line between adorable and intense (also, I'd like to add that he was really, really sexy :3 ). Not that the other characters weren't delightful too, of course. I must admit, I'm actually quite surprised that they chose to address Peach's origins. I mean, even back when the brothers being from Brooklyn was a staple of the series, the incongruity of a (seemingly) human princess leading a nation of mushroom people never really came into question. If a sequel there is, I'd definitely like for that point to be explored a little more... Also, I'm particularly fond of the way the Kongs were integrated into the story. To tell you the truth, I've never really cared for the DK side of the franchise all that much. But really, the visit to the Jungle Kingdom was quite a riot, both in terms of action and worldbuilding. And let’s not forget the sheer insanity of the Koopa General... Really though, that movie was just, so much fun. Bright, colorful, light-hearted, unadulterated fun. Which is not to say that it was without emotions. The brothers' feeling of inadequacy, both expressed in different ways, their tearful reunion, the need to prove themselves to the world and to each other... Truly, fraternal affection is the crux of the film. In fact, family as a whole is an omnipresent theme throughout the story, from Peach's devotion to the Toads, to DK's own issues with his dad. And I'm not even talking about the love that was poured into all the little details. It's already been said a thousand times, but there are so many Easter eggs* hidden in the film, be it in the picture or the score. I've seen the movie being described as a "love letter" to the franchise and its fans, and really, I feel like there is no better way to put it. In a sense, I'd say it's like a puzzle : watching all the different little pieces fall neatly into place is also part of the fun. Sure, it wasn't The Last Wish, but then again, it didn't need to be. In its case - and I insist on the word "case"** -, the world is the plot. And the film executes it spectacularly. Anyway, this accolade is probably long enough (unlike the movie, which could afford to be much longer, if only because what we got was so good already :p ). Still, let me emphasize one last time what a joy it was to see the Mushroom World come alive this way, in such a luminous and bustling manner. Honestly, I wouldn't mind if instead of a sequel, we were to get a whole-ass show, in the vein of the first three cartoons. A mix of slice-of-life and adventure to explore this beautiful version of the Mario universe and everything it has to offer. I think it would be great. With that being said, thank you for listening to my divagations on the matter. As always, it was nice to get those thoughts out of my system. I mean, it was such a wholesome movie ; I needed to share my giddy excitement with the universe. ^_^

* Quite fitting for the season, now that I think about it. Although the film is so rich in references, that I'd almost be tempted to refer to them as "Fabergé eggs". XD ** I know better than anyone how good at storytelling the franchise can be - as recently demonstrated by Sparks of Hope -, so don't take this statement as a generalization it isn't meant to be.

[mareastrorum]

The Fool and the Soldier: Chapter Commentary

Chapter 5: Gift & Debt

On off weeks, I’ll be posting some commentary on the prior week’s chapter. Since this is a longfic, I expect that it will be helpful for keeping track of stuff, plus I might mention something you missed. Of course, this will include spoilers, so continue with that in mind.

These aren’t meant to be comprehensive! There is so much more going on that I’m not saying. Feel free to ask questions too, either in replies or asks. If it’s too spoilery, I’ll let you know. I’ll add them to the body at the bottom as I receive them.

See the directory for other meta posts.

Gift & Debt

What’s this?! We haven’t seen this card! But no worries, Jester makes the card about halfway through the chapter.

There’s a lot of toxic fandom discourse on what characters “deserve” and that eventually culminated into an intent to explore that in the story. This chapter juxtaposes a lot of the characters’ worldviews on what must to be earned/paid versus what should be given freely.

Luctus

The first thing I came up with for Luctus was the sensory perception: pain. It immediately came to mind when I looked up the latin word luctus, which means grief or sorrow. I didn’t feel that I needed to iron it out further for the emotion, so this was an easy fit.

Next was the school of magic. She wasn’t encountered in the stream, but her ability during the Lucien fight was a Slow spell with a dexterity save instead of the usual wisdom save. This wasn’t the only eye that had slightly different effects than a normal spell—Vigilan’s anti-magic cone dispelled magic rather than suppressed it until it passed out of the field (at least, sometimes).

Slow is an interesting spell. It’s transmutation, which is all about changing reality (and I had already decided on another Somnovem for that school). It affects a specific number of targets in a space. According to the PHB, wisdom is about being in tune with the world, particularly with perceiving it. Thus, a wisdom save for avoiding a Slow effect makes sense if the point is to resist a change to one’s own perception of the world. After all, if it was actually changing the space itself, then there wouldn’t be a limit on the number of targets, and it would be avoided or exited by leaving the area. So it changes the target, not the world. Makes sense for a level 3 spell.

But Luctus’s Slow required a dexterity save, which is the score for agility, reflexes, and balance. Dexterity saves are usually for dodging an ability, but not all the Somnovem’s abilities used that save, so it wasn’t about avoiding an eye’s gaze. There’s a couple ways to interpret that, like maybe it’s a stronger transmutation of the same effect, but it affects everything in that area, so it has to be dodged. However, Matt didn’t pull out any AOE measuring props to see who else he could get; Luctus looked directly at Fjord in episode 139, then Veth in 140. Matt also didn’t describe a beam or any projectile. They both felt a wave of grief and sadness, which imparted the effect. So I don’t think it was about dodging so much as it was about the character’s general speed and agility.

So I chewed on that for a while, until it suddenly clicked: dunamancy. Dunamancy has both chronomancy and graviturgy specialties. It would totally track to have either of those require a dexterity save rather than any other stat to resist a slowing effect. Once I had that, I came up with Luctus’s role.

And as I thought that over, I also had my fix for why Molly survived at Glory Run Road: Luctus used Cognouza to alter the timeline.

You might wanna check out those first two scenes in chapter 1.

Pieces

The first draft of this scene didn’t have the funky kerning and formatting. It was going to be very brief, only giving the reader a vague sense of what had happened to Lucien.

However, once I got used to testing out different types of formatting quirks, I decided to use that here to emphasize how disorienting it was for Lucien. Since this was third-person limited perspective, and his perception of the world would have been shattered, the text was as well.

Gems

I wanted to do a check-in with Nott because she spent so long in the early campaign keeping her backstory to herself, and she’s in the background for a lot of Fjord’s arc. Much of her dialogue makes more sense in a second watch of the campaign. She projected a lot of her issues onto other people, and she used that lens to decide what she should do for herself.

The actual events of the scene weren’t that important though. I almost cut it entirely and added a scene for Nott elsewhere, but I wanted Nott’s canon dialogue about not being good yet, but trying to do good. It’s such a big part of who the Nein are at every point in their story. Thus, I kept it.

Debts

This scene was so long originally. I think it was nearly 9,000 words at one point. Then I cut it, then it bloated again, then I cut it more, etc. I think this is the 5th or 6th major version of it.

I chose Fjord’s POV for this because his arc is coming into focus next and I wanted to lay some ground work about where his head is at. There’s also a lot of parallels between him and Molly that will come into play.

Gustav’s bail was always going to be a big scene in the early chapters because Molly would have been there to realize that Gustav knew about Kylre. However, then the origin comic came out, and I was like, wait, was Kylre the reason Lestera died? She wasn’t that old—no gray hair, no signs of illness, no weak constitution, etc. There’s no way to confirm it, but considering that nergaliids can passively feed off people, then Molly would have thought that was a possibility. No reason to be extra upset about it… unless Gustav knew all along.

Molly’s only really gotten angry a few times in canon, typically when other people are getting hurt. He didn’t show anger if people disagreed with him over plans or anything. In the comic, he dealt with his anger through choir practice, and that was honestly more fun for him than anything else, with his anger showing before he came up with an idea of what to do. He wasn’t even that angry at Kylre when he chased him down with the Nein.

But Gustav was supposed to take care of the carnival, he brought Kylre in, and he knew what was happening the whole time. Kylre’s betrayal was more straightforward, and it didn’t really harm anyone at the carnival (other than possibly Toya). It’d be like being angry at a wolf for hunting a person instead of a sheep. Instead, it seemed like Gustav put people in danger for coin, after all the lessons and mannerisms that Molly picked up from him.

So, yeah, Molly was pissed.

I also wanted to explore the Nein’s various moral leanings and perspectives of the world. Fjord and Caleb are more on the end of earning what you have—there’s an expectation of behaving a certain way under threat of punishment. Fjord would have gotten that from his time at the orphanage and as a sailor. Caleb learned that from growing up poor in a totalitarian regime and then training as a Volstrucker. It took a long time for both of them to shake out of that mindset in their respective arcs.

In comparison, Jester and Caduceus have kinder outlooks. They didn’t let outrage override their sense of fairness. It wasn’t like Gustav or the carnival had been rolling in funds, so it couldn’t have been just about money. So they stood up to the others and asked questions to get at the heart of why Gustav had done it in the first place.

Nott and Beau struck me as somewhere in the middle. Beau rebels against authority and has a powerful curiosity, so she’d be wary of the idea of meting out justice without knowing all the facts. Thus, I had her stop Molly (to protect him from getting arrested for murder) at the start, then hold him back until they got answers. Nott backed up Caleb, of course, but after the scene she just had about trying to do good, she’d feel uncertain about it while she does it. After all, how many people did she help torture and kill because she was scared of what the goblin tribe would do to her?

Taliesin said in a Talks that his concept of Molly was an unaligned character that broke traditional D&D alignment. Thus, Molly is not a good person. That doesn’t mean he’s evil, lawful, chaotic, nor neutral. He’s unaligned. He thinks he’s a good person and tries to do good—when he feels like it. He has a code that no one actually understands, but it makes sense to him, so who knows if he follows it? He likes mischief and causing chaos, but also wants things to make sense. He does what he feels like when he thinks he should, sometimes. Unless he doesn’t. But there’s rules to it. Maybe.

In short, he’s a two-year-old adult. Two. Years. That is not a lot of time to come up with a comprehensive, consistent view of what the world is, what it should be, nor how he should handle discrepancies. That doesn’t mean Molly isn’t capable of acting rationally or being persuaded to do something he doesn’t initially want to do. He listens to people, and even if he talks back, he’ll go with the flow.

That resulted in this scene, with half the group wanting to kill Gustav, and ending with them letting him go.

Easter egg: I had Molly’s swords get caught on the coat because it was Lestera’s. As discussed in the next scene, she wouldn’t have wanted him to kill Gustav, so that was added here as a symbolic show of her interference.

Stories

Molly drank alone to panic after he first got his Rite of the Dawn unlocked in Alfield, so I figured he’d try to isolate after what happened. Maybe he would have sought some comfort with Yasha because she’d trusted Gustav too, but she’s unfortunately not there.

Jester to the rescue! This provided exposition about Molly’s thought process through the prior scene, and it showed just how much it rocked Molly’s view of a few things. Even so, he’s not angry at any of the Nein, nor did he hold what they did against them. His emotions were just running high and he’s having trouble keeping a grip.

I wanted to explore Molly’s and Jester’s relationship a bit. In all honesty, their personalities are very well suited to each other: they like having fun, they understand each other well, they’ve got each other’s backs, and they both prioritize helping people at their own expense. They also enable each other to their detriment, and their maturity is a bit stunted because of that. That said, Jester’s a romantic and Molly’s a hedonist. They have very different views of what relationships should be and what they’d want out of it, so the scene doesn’t stray from a platonic feel. Thus, I had them order different drinks, and neither would ever order the other’s for themselves. Despite that they showed some physical affection and even got caught on each other’s horns, it’s all in silly fun.

This scene also gives a lampshade to the naming convention to for the fanfic (which was discussed in a prior meta post): each of the chapters is named after one of the cards, and the reason is that they’re conveying a theme through a story rather than saying something outright. However, it’s not just for the readers. The characters also refuse to acknowledge certain truths, so they cope by telling stories (Caleb’s book, Molly’s cards, Cad asking Gustav for his story, etc.). Heck, even Molly does it, by telling stories about his time at the carnival instead of answering Jester’s questions outright—but it’s not Jester who doesn’t want to hear the answer.

Worries

Time for the terrible spellcasters to be terrible together. At this point in their arcs, Caleb and Fjord are also enablers for each other. The worst thing is, they rationalize their decisions as being best for the Nein or the world generally, not just themselves. Yes, they’re worried about Molly, but there’s also that tempting blood magic that might be useful somehow, plus whatever happens to Molly might affect their aspirations, etc.

I went with Caleb’s POV because he would be having a rough time with the events of the day. This was basically sandpaper on an old wound. He betrayed his parents and murdered them for the Empire. He betrayed Astrid and Eadwulf by attacking them and then by fleeing the Sanatorium without seeking them out to tell them the truth. Ikithon betrayed them by altering their memories and warping them into weapons for the Empire. Caleb’s only just started to truly grasp that he’s been fed Imperial propaganda his whole life. He’s been wrestling with the idea of whether his own judgment can be trusted and whether he can or should try to do anything about Ikithon or the Volstrucker. Then the group decided to let Gustav go when he wanted to kill Gustav, and it hit him fairly quickly that he’d made a rash decision that was rightfully overruled.

He’s a mess.

Then, along comes Molly (also a mess) to ask for a silly favor to borrow Frumpkin because he can’t sleep. That manages to pull Caleb’s head out of his own butt long enough so that he can get to sleep too.

It’s almost like they feel better about their own bullshit when they help other people…

Zoran Kluthidol

The first part of this scene about the hounds was in one of my earliest sets of notes from August 2022. It was one of the first scenes I wrote for the Tombtakers. I’ll discuss more of Zoran’s backstory in a separate meta post, but the key thing for this scene is that goliaths travel in herds and are fairly isolated from other communities. A lot of this scene came from my brainstorming about what sort of goliath would leave his tribe and wind up at the Claret Orders.

Once I came up with the basics for both backstories, I considered what Zoran would have thought about Lucien. Timing wise, I figured that Zoran would have already been at the Orders for a while when Lucien joined, and Zoran would have joined as an adult (because that’s when he would have left his tribe). Lucien would have joined as a pre-teen. Thus, Lucien would have been a tiny brat compared to Zoran, a fully-grown goliath.

Then I thought, what sort of person would Lucien need to be for Zoran to respect him enough to take up an offer to form a mercenary group and leave the Orders? (Reminder: Lucien died at 23, after the Tombtakers were active for at least 5 years—so he led them away when he was no older than 18!)

A fucking brawler, that’s what. Someone who could kick his ass when he had no right doing it. This scene helped me flesh out both of their personalities in that respect.

Thing is, an introductory scene can’t just be about the character getting his ass beat by a mostly-dead antagonist if the point is to show he’s not a pushover. Thus, there’s some bits to show that Zoran specifically enjoys hunts, not just fights, and he doesn’t care as much about the outcome as Lucien did. It also shows that he’s still someone to be feared and does as he pleases because of it.

(And captainsparklefingers nailed that Zoran snagged a bottle of Lionett wine from the storage room!)

Zoran is the other Ghostslayer of the Tombtakers, so his POV gives insight into that as well. He immediately clocked how fucked up it was for Cree to make Lucien an undead, and he’s intuitive enough to recognize several implications that stem from that. He also doesn’t take what Cree and Otis say at face value; he recognizes their biases and takes that into account. Finally, he’s got some reservations about the Somnovem and the Pattern, even if he enjoyed how it felt at the time.

But Zoran’s not the schemer. As fucked as the situation is, he’s more comfortable following the others’ leads. So, for now, he’s settling in for whatever insanity Lucien’s going to lead them into, and he’s well aware it’s going to be messy. That’s what’s fun, after all.

Senses

Another check-in with Lucien. There’s some subtle hints of what the Somnovem are up to. I also included a demonstration of Luctus’s ability to warp time. As she mentioned in her later scene, she had to “undo” some things, so the reader gets to see an example of that here.

Dream: Bait

The introductory poem is “To a Squirrel at Kyle-Na-No” by William Butler Yeats, an Irish poet and politician. He’s a fascinating historical figure that turned to some seriously questionable views about how the world should work in his later years, and I thought that was perfect for including here. I’m being vague about it because I think you should read it up yourself—and you’ll hopefully get a sense of why I thought, of all the poems I could have chosen, his poem about trying to pet a squirrel was appropriate here.

It’s fairly obvious that the overarching theme of this dream is bait. I had considered including scenes where Lucien hunted for small animals, but honestly, that would be a terrible idea for kids in the Savalirwood. Fishing would have been safer, and it gave an opportunity for some exposition from an adult.

Every other scene in the dream includes an example of using bait to lure someone to or from something. First was Cree distracting guards while Lucien snuck out of a house he robbed. (There’s a clue as to whose house it was…) Second was Lucien trying to bait the goliath into harassing Cree instead of him, but it’s too tempting to bother the tiefling that’s already so close to the water. Third was Lucien distracting vendors so Cree could nab wares at the market, plus acting as lookout for Greytraders that might have caught her otherwise.

Fourth was an unfortunate example of Lucien leading some thugs to his group when they were looking to snatch orphans and sell them off to the Mardoons or Jagentoths—slavers. The fisherman mentioned three sets of three are extra special: Lucien’s red eyes, purple skin, and horns (as noted when he spooked the baker); Cree’s a “half-beast” girl with gold eyes; and the half-orc is also a “half-beast” girl, but with blue eyes. Being good bait isn’t always a boon.

And now, look back at that poem. Hmmm. HMMMM…

The rhyme in the market scene is the last verse of a popular Irish song, “Molly Malone.” Cockles are a relatively easily-foraged shellfish that are a common street food in coastal towns, and they’re often used as bait for fishing. Mussels are another shellfish, found both at sea and in freshwater. While Shadycreek Run is a fair distance inland, it’s also a trade point between the rest of the Greying Wildlands and the Empire. While I doubt there would actually be hawkers wheeling barrows of shellfish to sell in the Run, there’s some obvious puns and references to prostitution in the song, which was also a thriving business in town. Plus it’s totally the kind of place that would have rumors of a ghost trying to sell wares.

Gifts

Then we go to Molly, who, as expected, is doing his best to not deal with what happened and is instead fixating on his name. Identity was a big thing for him, so it makes sense that he’d focus on that rather than process his feelings about Gustav or mourn Lestera a second time.

I figured Fjord would be optimal for that conversation because Fjord was the one who wavered about his last name, Stone. Vandran had argued to him that it was a good name, which tempered his distaste for it. However, once Fjord learned about Vandran in the stream, that threw it all into question again. Thus, of all the people in the Nein who would understand, Fjord’s best suited.

Of course, it wouldn’t be a heart to heart with Molly without a +0 to Charisma moment like him insinuating that Fjord should have seen Sabian’s betrayal coming. That said, Fjord is dense sometimes, and even then, he’d be used to Molly’s brand of arrogance to know better than to take it at face value.

I can’t recall the exact context (I’ll update this if I ever find the quote), but Taliesin once mentioned that he expected a party pet to “make an alligator so happy.” I immediately thought of that while outlining this stretch of time and saw that the pet vendor would be dealt with here. I planned to include it as Molly’s dialogue for one of Jester’s pets, then realized that she would probably goad him to buy the peacock, which he would definitely decline. Molly had also mentioned that the carnival had named a horse Winter’s Crest because that was when they planned to eat it if it lasted that long. That evolved into this section where Jester bought him the peacock and he suggested the Nein eat it instead.

Jester had more gold to spend at this point because Molly pitched in to buy Nott’s cloak and for Gustav’s bail. The Nein also had more coin overall because more guards had been killed at the Sour Nest. Thus, while Jester is still pretty broke, she’s doing a little better than she had been in the stream.

Bruises

Caduceus is still taking it easy, but he’s learning to enjoy the trip. I wanted to include a POV for him because I thought he would do a half-apology to Molly, and it’s fun to explore their relationship since it was a blank slate. We also got to see that Molly’s doing better after a few days.

More cards for Molly’s deck! These will absolutely be chapter titles in the future.

Tyffial Wase

Tyffial was the last of the Tombtakers that I fleshed out. It took a while to come up with her backstory, but once it clicked, everything fell into place rather easily.

In the Critical Role artbook “The Chronicles of Exandria - The Mighty Nein” there is a blurb about the Tombtakers based on Beau’s notes that were submitted to the Cobalt Soul, and Adon Zeenoth personally crossed out Tyffial’s name. I took that to mean that Zeenoth must have known Tyffial somehow. They’re both elves, but there was no indication about their ages in canon. But why would he personally censor records naming her? There had to be something he didn’t want people to know about her, but I had to come up with what that would be and why he would do it unprompted.

First, I tried to come up with what Tyffial would have been doing before she joined the Claret Orders. Nothing really came to mind, so I thought instead, why would an elf with a long lifespan join the Order of the Mutant and then defect to follow an 18-year-old (or so) to form a mercenary band? I had considered the route grayintogreen took where Tyffial was also from Shadycreek Run and grew up with Lucien and Cree, but I wanted to do something new. There’s not a lot of takes on the Tombtakers, so there’s a lot of possibilities that hadn’t been done yet.

Then I thought, well, what if she was bored? Elves live a long time. What if she joined the Orders out of boredom? Then she’d leave once she was bored of that, too. That would make sense, especially if Lucien comes up with exciting jobs, and we (the audience) knew that eventually took the Tombtakers to Molaesmyr. But a young elf wouldn’t get bored that quickly. Their sense of time passing would be about the same as a younger race until they started getting up there in years.

So Tyffial is fucking old. The Order of the Mutant makes sense because then she can adjust her abilities and her looks using mutagens. And that gave me a reason for her to know Zeenoth, an Archivist at the Soul: he’s covering up her tracks when she comes up with a new identity. He’s taken bribes before, so a bribe mixed with threat of violence would certainly keep him acting on Tyffial’s behalf.

Tyffial’s backstory will be explored over time in TF&TS, but there will be hints aplenty about just how long she’s been around. For example: what names does she use to refer to certain places?

I’ll note that I came up with this before it was revealed that Ludinus Da’leth was artificially extending his lifespan. I was so hyped when C3 started exploring that. More things to chew on.

Lucien & Luctus

Yet another look into Lucien’s relationship with the Somnovem. I don’t want to point out too many hints, but there were several. Is he needlessly paranoid or rightly distrustful? Time will tell.

Now Lucien has a body! Kind of. Curious that the Somnovem did that after he was defeated on the Material Plane…

[crystalelemental]

All supports have been achieved, so this is my tier list for the characters.  As characters.  Not combat performance.  I am in no way equipped to make a tier list on combat performance.  To give the general breakdown...

S: Favorites.  Like, above and beyond favorites.

A: By quality, just as good as S, but didn’t quite hit the same favoritism button

B: Still good, but a little more one-note, or less interesting overall.

C: Starting to lose interest.  They’re not bad, but their supports were mostly just checking boxes.

D: Verging on active dislike.  Really didn’t do much that was engaging.

F: I am actively annoyed by you.

S TIER

Veyle.  That’s BABY.  I’ve seen people refer to this as a “Julia Archetype,” and immediately it’s like “oh yeah, that tracks.”  Only Veyle like...there.  Like she gets real lines of dialogue and agency and stuff.  And I love her.  Baby child.  Baby.  Almost wish they did a bit more with Nega-Veyle, since that side seemed to have its own hangups, but maybe the DLC, eh?

Celine.  Holy shit what a round of supports this girl’s got.  Celine was on track to be B-tier through a lot of this, since almost everything focuses on tea, but the development she gets from Alear and Alfred’s supports alone are fantastic.  But you get her and Fogado being friendly but only after putting away the knives.  You get Hortensia, which is adorable, and Alcryst, who is devastating.  Her supports rule.

Goldmary.  I actually married Goldmary first playthrough.  I kinda love her.  the arrogance is spectacular, but all of her supports come around to her being legitimately kind and thoughtful.  I think my favorite angle, though, is her backstory on why she’s like this.  Because she’ll present it as her reason, but it’s so...delightfully mundane.  She’s a lot of fun.  I think I really like how much it’s showcased that her appearance is hard-earned.  Like, she tries really hard to maintain this image, and while it’s a lot of work, it’s what she wants.  My wife has a fun stance on how it relates to femininity broadly, and how everything you do is supposed to be elegant down to things that typically aren’t like crying, and how she narrates it like it’s an elegant, beautiful thing she’s doing.  I’ll leave it to her if she wants to post it.

Panette.  Okay so by design and class designation, Panette was one of the earliest characters I knew I’d like.  I did not expect how much.  I really enjoy Panette; the rebellious child from a bad home, who’s now on the straight and narrow and is over-emphasizing that constantly to avoid slipping up.  She’s a lot of fun too.

Anna.  This is the best iteration of Anna.  Turns out, all they needed to do to achieve peak Anna was make her a baby child who missed her family.  And she’s so uppity, I love it.  “Anna’s too formal, call me Lady Anna.”  And just how she develops her products.  I dunno, I feel like this was the answer all along.  Just give Anna supports.  Flesh her out, it’ll be great.  And it was.  It was so great.

A TIER

Yunaka.  Yunaka, despite not being one of my favorites, has a good argument for being the best character in the game.  While a lot of her supports revolve around the assassin thing and not wanting people to know, but when they don’t focus on that, she’s really strong.

Zelkov.  Actually love this guy too.  I didn’t think I would at first, but he grew on me quick.  He’s such a goon in the best way.  And per Alear’s supports, apparently talks like that on purpose to seem profound.  What a delightful lunatic.

Chloe.  While I think in any realistic situation Chloe should probably be B-tier, I admit having a soft spot for the big eaters, and particularly like how her eating habits involve “I’ll eat anything once.”

Framme.  I really, really like Framme too.  She’s energetic and exciteable, and just a lot of fun.  And an absolute disaster child.

Ivy.  Another I wasn’t sure I’d like, but honestly they basically just did Camilla again but without the sibling fetish angle.  Now it’s a worship fetish.  Which is still weird, but at least it only comes up in the Alear support!  Everything else is a delight, though.  Ivy’s fantastic.

Lapis.  Lapis is Chloe-esque, in that her gimmick is she’s poor and trying to hide it, but is really, really bad at hiding it so basically everyone knows.  I think Lapis is just the kind of character I have a soft spot for?  She’s just sweet and adorable.

Alfred.  My sweet boy with rocks for brains.  He is so stupid, I love him dearly.  I think I just love the energy he brings.  I know a lot of people expected more of a refined prince angle, and oh man do I love the swerve.

Rosado.  While Rosado can be a bit one note with the cute thing, I think it’s who he partners with that works out.  Everyone he talks to is about getting them to appreciate or recognize their own cuteness, and it’s great.  Also, Pandreo supports confirm Rosado is a party animal.  And his supports with Seadall confirm he doesn’t know what shampoo is.  I think it’s a bit of a copout to insist it’s just natural based on being from the village of the fair folk, and I think Goldmary’s thing of her elegance being hard-earned and hard to maintain is more real, but Rosado’s fun enough.

Hortensia.  While she can be a little grating, I actually...really like Hortensia.  She gets a lot of development in the main story too, I feel, and her supports were all really strong too.

B TIER

Etie.  Everything is muscles, which is similar to Alfred but she’s not quite as fun.  That said, her dynamic with Alfred is the best, I love those two.  She’s not the most dynamic, but I like her a lot.

Alear.  Actually a really solid protagonist?  B is probably a bit unfair, but gut feel on this placement.  I actually might like Alear more than Robin.  Time will tell, but they made a great showing.

Fogado.  Fogado’s actually a lot of fun, but I feel like they don’t quite do enough with him most of the time.  The only one that really stands out to me as something profound and interesting is Pandreo’s.  In most other situations, he’s fine, but loses points for being the flirty character because I don’t love those.  I want to like him more than I do, is the simple answer.

Pandreo.  PARTY MONK, AR-AROOOOO!  He’s fine.  I expected to like him a lot less than I do, but I did enjoy a lot of how they approached his faith and means of worship.  But I also think he gets hit a bit by the awkwardness of the divine being he worships being...you.  And, eventually, Veyle.  It’s just weird.

Louis.  Actually liked Louis a lot more than I thought I would too.  His people-watching habit was initially offputting, but I like how a lot of supports also emphasize that he is a genuinely caring person, and likes helping others.  He wound up more engaging than I expected.

Merrin.  Actually wound up less engaging.  I expected more out of Merrin, but she’s categorically fine.  She’s trying to be cool, but loses composure when she sees rare critters.  It’s fine, but lacks substance.

Alcryst.  I know a lot of people really like Alcryst.  I like him well enough, but don’t quite feel the same.  I couldn’t tell you why I don’t connect with him as strongly.  It’s kinda weird to me too.  Also hey, all the archers are in B!  That tracks.

Amber.  When I finished my first run, I did not touch Amber.  Never once brought him to a fight.  He shows up pretty late for a lance cav guy when we have Alfred right there, and even he’s not Chloe.  But having used him a bit and gotten his supports...I actually like him?  Similar vibes to Alfred, in that he’s just a fun character.  I feel like they try a bit hard to make him into the butt of a joke, but when he gets to just exist, he’s pretty great.

C TIER

Diamant.  Okay, so.  I don’t care much for Diamant.  He’s not bad, but he’s one of the less interesting royals for sure.  He’s just so...bland.  Like oh yes, I am serious training man who wants to not do war, but my war kingdom is pretty mad about it.  Like it’s fine, it should be more engaging, but it never is.

Timerra.  Meat.  Also she’s wild because she goes out to take down bandits herself.  And through all of that...I really never felt like there was that much to Timerra.   She and Diamant very much brought up the rear in terms of royals.

Lindon.  Lindon’s alright.  I didn’t really connect with him that strongly, but I feel like that’s because he didn’t have more supports like with Mauvier.  If we spent more time on him being unhinged, that’d be great.  But we get a lot of time instead on his being wrapped in the past as an old man, at the decrepit age of...60.  Forewarning, Engage does not know how age works.  We’ll get to a lot of that.  But I do think some of his banter is a lot of fun.

Boucheron.  He cries a lot.  I do like that he’s genuinely a nice guy, but the lack of a more interesting gimmick kinda holds him back.

Clanne.  I feel bad for Clanne.  Framme gets to be this over-excited lunatic child, and Clanne is...shy quiet boy who likes pickles.  But you know, I also have to admit, this archetype is definitely a preference thing that misses me specifically.  You’re supposed to like him or Framme more, and apparently I’m the Framme side.

Jade.  My first response to Jade was F-tier.  Her novels are comedy fanfics about Amber’s misfortunes?  That’s just mean-spirited.  And no, the idea that she wrote one (1) book that makes him seem cool is not sufficient.  But I think repeated exposure to the dry wit and shenanigans made me warm up to her a bit.  Still not a favorite, but she’s fine.

Bunet.  Bunet is just weird enough to stay somewhat interesting.  I feel like if they didn’t let him be completely unhinged about the licking everything he’s interested in tasting, he’d be D-tier.  But, they let the man have a bit of insanity, and for that, C-tier.

Citrinne.  I...don’t know.  I think it’s a personal issue with throwing around wealth in this way, and it doesn’t really connect to much?  Like sure, Alear support makes it clear a person she considered a friend called her cheap for not spending money on them, but I dunno.  Citrinne just doesn’t do it for me.

Jean.  He’s fine.  He wants to be a doctor.  He’s healing people.  He’s a baby child that everyone has to tell to take breaks.  I don’t have strong feelings about Jean.

D TIER

Vander.  Vander is very similar to Bunet, if Bunet weren’t a lunatic about anything.  He just comes across as bland and uninteresting.  He’s just some guy.  I don’t hate him, but he’s...kinda boring.

Saphir.  Alright, let’s get this over with.  Saphir is 35.  I call bullshit.  The Elusian attack happened 30 years ago, but she retains information from her village that is so wildly specific, like how to prepare the food they eat, that there is no way that timeline tracks.  More importantly, so much of her story is based in the trauma and holding in the desire for revenge for the Elusian attack...but man, the main story already confirmed most hostilities are Brodia’s fault.  How much you wanna bet the Elusians attacking are doing so because you’re Brodians living on their land you took over?  I just have a hard time with this one.

Mauvier.  Okay!  This fucker is lucky it’s not F-tier!  Notoriously, I hate the Camus archetypes.  Almost every iteration is a matter of “You could’ve just fixed your shit.”  And if he didn’t get on our side, he’d be down there.  But even with that fix, it feels like too little too late in a very, very dumb way.  Why did you let Marni go?  Like...you knew what would happen.  You knew how this would play out.  Even if it wasn’t immediate, you were willing to fight her and kill her too?  This guy bugs me over that.  That and the whole atonement thing being all he’s got.  All three of the ones I remember not being about that are interesting because of the other character, too.  Mauvier is...fine, I guess.  I don’t hate him.

F TIER

Seadall.  I will admit.  Seadall is not atrocious.  But he’s also more annoying to me than anyone else.  I dunno, I have basically zero connection to the idea of dieting constantly, and the angle of him really wanting all this fried food but denying it because oh his dancing doesn’t do it for me.  Constant denial of your wants isn’t the same as discipline.  And the fortune telling thing is also really not my jam.  I admit he’s probably in F just because of how hard it was to get his supports.  He just keeps dying!  Stop being dead!

Kagetsu.  On his own, Kagetsu is not terrible, but I think what bugs me is the whole “from a different land, everything is so strange” gimmick.  I dunno.  The whole thing is just...kinda annoying after a bit.  And his only real character notes are “likes to fight” and “ran away from home.”  I can get more interesting options elsewhere.

[pacificgasandelectric]

maedhros in valinor thinky-thoughts

this is just a thing that I’ve had turning over in my head for a few months now. (kind of like a rock tumbler.) there’s obviously a lot of different Versions of Maedhros out there, and a few different takes on the Essential Quality of his character (running the gamut from “lots” to “minimal” across several different axes including “loyalty to Fëanor”, “love and/or general positive regard for his brothers”, and “conscience”) so I thought I’d toss my hat in the ring about… none of these, and instead share my Personal Thoughts on a version of Maedhros in the Noontide Of Valinor that I find compelling.

(long post ahoy; full text under cut or on dreamwidth)

I agree with everyone that he’s got a Genius for politics (I called him THEE political luminary of Beleriand in the tags of a tumblr post a couple weeks back and I’ll stand by that forever) but I honestly am not super into the version where he’s busy Politicking Super Good back in Valinor. I think that while the skillset & character traits that contributed to the quality “is capable of managing the hell out of a permanently ongoing and near-apocalyptic crisis situation AND can convince the various factions of the Noldorin Exiles to actually work together, however reluctantly”, which was what made him able to lead his faction effectively in Beleriand, hold Himring even when the entire Eastern March was actively On Fire And Under Attack, and convince a FUCKTON of people to ally for the Union (however badly it ended. rip Fingon), were indubitably impressive, they did Not in fact translate well to being an effective participant in the extremely stable and (presumably) administrivia-heavy environment of Tirion’s government

the Maedhros I’ve been rock tumbling was a dancer, didn’t particularly like the formalities of court politics in Valinor (which frankly were probably a fucking nightmare for anyone who didn’t loooove Doing Formalities, because there was nothing pressing going on in terms of stuff to manage, so the administrative aspect was all keeping track of this decade’s numbers for long-established logistics and the ceremonial aspect was probably carrying out traditional ceremonies so long-established they were practically calcified such as “fancy dinner” and “fancy party (sometimes with artistic exhibit or performance)” and “fancy dinner party”. but I digress) and therefore wasn’t likely to have spent a significant amount of time learning administration or other aspects of leadership from Finwë beyond what was Required of him as a prince.

the main reasons I like this is that (1) it acknowledges that there’s more than one type of political leadership, and a person who’s good at crisis management (and even enjoys it) would not necessarily be good at, or attracted to, Valinor politics, and (2) it emphasizes the ways that Valinor and Beleriand are so Different as settings AND that there are some… I don’t know if I want to say “advantages” because that’s not precisely it (even tho I am very much on team “the Flight of the Noldor was not WRONG and the Valar were are least a LITTLE full of shit”), but certainly Opportunities in Beleriand for the characters to discover things abt themselves etc that were not present in Valinor.*

which is not to say that I think Maedhros didn’t also (grow to) like the logistics side of leading in Beleriand, because I think he did, but there’s an Experiential difference between “keeping track of details that aren’t important to me and that other people can handle just as well” and “keeping track of details that are Immediately Relevant to me (and my thousands of subjects) and also that I don’t trust anyone else to handle”. like especially with The Autism (bc if you tell me that Fëanor wasn’t autistic I will laugh in your face and with that + the rest of the canon details we have, I think I have a pretty good leg to stand on to make the case that all his kids were autistic too) I can very much see Maedhros becoming an Administration Enjoyer, but I also think it’s contextual and would not have happened uh… probably Ever in Valinor.

(also, bringing this back around to me headcanoning him as a dancer, I think that post-Angband, Maedhros doesn’t/can’t dance, because that’s just One More Thing to take away from him.)

so, yeah. that’s my dancer!maedhros manifesto, or really my “maedhros wasn’t Into Politics until he got to Beleriand” manifesto with a little bit of bonus “I think dancers are hardcore and cool” sentiment sprinkled on top.

*Obviously it sucks that they had to go thru All That to get to the self-discovery bit and also yeah maybe “I am So Good at staying calm when people are getting murdered around me” is not really something anyone WANTS to know about themself, but I stand by my point.

[baeddel]

Please. Please can you tell me what a baeddel is and why people (terfs?) used it in a derogatory manner on this website for a hot minute but now no one ever uses it at all

you asked for it, fucker

[2k words; philology and drama]

baeddel is an Old English word. i have no idea where it actually occurs in the Old English written corpus, but it occurs in a few placenames. its diminuitive form, baedling, is much better documented. it appears in the (untranslated) Canons of Theodore, a penitential handbook, a sort of guidebook for priests offering advice on what penances should be recommended for which sins. in a passage devoted to sexual transgressions it gives the penances suggested for a man who sleeps with a woman, a man who sleeps with another man, and then a man who sleeps with a baedling. so you have this construction of a baedling as something other than a man or a woman. and then it gives the penance for a baedling who sleeps with another baedling (a ludicrous one-year fast). then, by way of an explaination, Theodore delivers us one of the most enigmatic phrases in the Old English corpus: "for she is soft, like an adulturess."

the -ling suffix in baedling is masculine. but Theodore uses feminine pronouns and suffixes to describe baedlings. as we said, it's also used separately from male and female. but it's also used separately from their words for intersex and it never appears in this context. all of this means that you have this word that denotes a subject who is, as Christopher Monk put it, "of problematic gender." interested historians have typically interpreted it as referring to some category of homosexual male, such as Wayne R. Dines in his two-volume Encyclopedia of Homosexuality who discusses it in the context of an Old English glossary which works a bit like an Old English-Latin dictionary, giving Old English words and their Latin counterparts. the Latin words the Anglo-Saxon lexicographer chose to correspond with baedling were effeminatus and mollis, and Lang concludes that it refers to an "effeminate homosexual" (pg 60, Anglo Saxon). this same glossary gives as an Old English synonym the word waepenwifstere which literally means "woman with a penis," and which Dines gives the approximate translation (hold on tight) male wife.

R. D. Fulk, a philologist and medievalist, made a separate analysis of the term in his study on the Canons of Theodore 'Male Homoeroticism in the Old English Canons of Theodore', collected in Sex and Sexuality in Medieval England, 2004. he analysed it as a 'sexual category' (sexual as in sexuality), owing to the context of sexual transgressions in the Canons. he decides that it refers to a man who bottoms in sexual relationships with another man. i don't have the article on hand so i'm not sure what his reasoning was, but this seems obviously inadequate given what we know from the glossary described by Dines. Latin has a word for bottom, pathica, and the lexicographer did not use this in their translation, preferring words that emphasized the baedling's femininity like effeminatus, and doesn't address the sexual context at all. Dines, however, only reading this glossary, seems to decide that it refers to a type of male homosexual too hastily, considering the Canons explicitly treat them separately. both Dines and Fulk immediately reduce the baedling to a subcategory of homosexual when neither of the sources to hand actually do so themselves.

by now it should be obvious why, seven or so years ago, we interpreted it as an equivalent to trans woman. I mean come on - a woman with a penis! these days I tend to add a bit of a caution to this understanding, which is that trans woman is the translation of baedling which seems most adequate to us, just as baedling was the translation of effeminatus that seemed most adequate to our lexicographer. but the term cannot translate perfectly; its sense was derived from some minimal context; a legal context, a doctrinal context, and so forth... the way Anglo-Saxons understood sex/gender is complicated but it has been argued that they had a 'one sex model' and didn't regard men and women as biologically separate types, which is obviously quite different from the sexual model accepted today; in any case they didn't have access to the karyotype and so on. the basic categories they used to understand gender and sexuality were different from ours. in particular, Hirschfield et al. should be understood as a particularly revolutionary moment in the genealogy of transsexuality; the Institut für Sexualwissenschaft essentially invented the concept of the 'sex change', the 'transition', conceived as a biological passage from one sex to the other. even in other contexts where (forgive me) #girlslikeus changed their bodies in some way, like the castration of the priestesses of Cybele, or those belonging to the various historical societies which we believe used premarin for feminization [disputed; see this post], there is no record that they were ever considered men at any stage or had some kind of male biology that preceded their 'gender identity.' the concept of the trans woman requires the minimal context of the coercive assignment at birth and its subsequent (civil and bio-technological) rejection. i have never encountered evidence that this has ever been true in any previous society. nonetheless, these societies still had gendered relations, and essentially wherever we find these gendered relations we also find some subject which is omitted or for whom it has been necessary to note exceptions. what is of chief interest to us is not so much that there was such a subject here or there in history (and whatever propagandistic uses this fact might have), but understanding why these regularities exist.

a very parsimonious explanation is that gender is a biological reality, and there is some particular biological subject which a whole host of words have been conjured to denote. if this were the case then we would expect that, no matter what gender/sexual system we encounter in a given society, it will inevitably find some linguistic expression. if, like me, you find this idea revolting, then you should busy yourself trying to come up with an alternative explanation which is not just plausible, but more plausible. my best guesses are outside the scope of this answer...

anyway, all of this must be very interesting to the five or six people invested in the confluence of philology and gender studies. but why on earth did it become so widely used, in so many strange and unusual contexts, in the 2010s? we're very sorry, but yes, it's our fault. you see apart from all of this, there is also a little piece of information which goes along with the word baeddel, which is that it's the root of the Modern English word bad. by way of, no less, the word baedan, 'to defile'. how this defiled historical subject came to bear responsibility for everything bad to English-speakers doesn't seem to be known from linguistic evidence. however, it makes for a very pithy little remark on transmisogyny. my dear friend [REDACTED] made a playful little post making this point and, good Lord, had we only known...

it went like this. its such a funny little idea that we all start changing our urls to include the word baeddel. in those days it was common to make puns with your url (we always did halloween and christmas ones); i was baeddelaire, a play on the French poet Baudelaire. while we all still had these urls a series of events which everyone would like to forget happened, and we became Enemies of Everyone in the Whole World. because of the url thing people started to call us "the baeddels." then there was "a cult" called "the baeddels" and so forth. this cult had various infamies attatched to it and a constellation of indefensible political positions. ultimately we faced a metric fucking shit ton of harassment, including, for some of my friends, really serious and bad irl harassment that had long-term bad awful consequences relating to stable housing and physical safety and i basically never want to talk about that part of my life ever again. and i never have to, because i've come to realize that for most people, when they use the word baeddel, they don't know about that stuff. it doesn't mean that anymore.

so what does it mean? you'll see it in a few contexts. TERFs do use it, as you guessed. i am not quite sure what they really mean by it and how it differs from other TERF barbs. i think being a baeddel invovles being politically active or at least having a political consciousness, but in a way thats distinct from just any 'TRA' or trans activist. so perhaps 'militant' trans women, but perhaps also just any trans woman with any opinions at all. how this was transmitted from tumblr/west coast tranny drama to TERF vocabulary i have no idea. but you will also find - or, could have found a few years ago - i would say 'copycat' groups who didn't know us or what we believed but heard the rumours, and established their own (generously) organizations (usually facebook groups) dedicated to putting those principles into practice. they considered themselves trans lesbian separatists and did things like doxx and harass trans women who dated cafabs. if you don't know about this, yes, there really were such groups. they mostly collapsed and disappeared because they were evildoers who based their ideology on a caricature. i knew a black trans woman who was treated very badly by one of these groups, for predictable reasons. so long-time readers: if you see people talking about their bad experiences with 'baeddels', you can't necessarily relate it to the 2014 context and assume they're carrying around old baggage. there are other dreams in the nightmare.

the most common way you'll see it today, in my experience, is in this form: people will say that it was a "slur" for trans women. they might bring up that it's the root of the word bad, and they might even think that you shouldn't use the word bad because of it, or that you shouldn't use the word baeddel because it's a slur. all of this is a silly game of internet telephone and not worth addressing. except to say that it's by no means clear that baeddel, or baedling, were slurs, or even insulting at all. while Theodore doesn't provide us with a description of how we can have sex with a baedling without sinning, and it may be the case that any sexual relations with a baedling was considered sinful, sexuality-based transgressions were not taken all that seriously in those days. there was a period where homosexuality within the Church was almost sanctioned, and it wasn't until much later that homosexuality became so harshly proscribed, to the extent that it was thought to represent a threat to society, etc. and as i mentioned, there are places in England named after baedlings. there is a little parish near Kent which is called Badlesmere, Baeddel's Lake, which was recorded in the Anglo-Saxon Domesday Book (as having a lord, a handful of villagers and a few slaves; perhaps only one or two households). it's not unheard of, but i just don't know very many places called Faggot Town or some such. it's possible that baedlings had some role in Anglo-Saxon society which we are not aware of; it could even have been a prestigious one, as it was in other societies. there is just no evidence other than a couple of passing references in the literature and we'll probably never have a complete picture.

[callistolivia]

Sun w/ Venus Romantic Types

*this was mostly just for fun, so don’t take it too seriously if it doesn’t fit you. It also doesn’t take into account aspects in one’s chart, the Moon, and Mars.

*The Sun and Venus are never more than 48 degrees apart which means there are only five possible Sun-Venus combinations. It also means that most people, but not all, born with Venus in the first and last sign Venus can fall into (per Sun sign) will have their Sun in the first or last decan of a sign. These extra layers can really colour Sun/Venus interpretations; so while decans are not mentioned in every interpretation below, it would be worthwhile investigating the decan your Sun is in along with Venus’ description. ❤️

Aries Sun

With Aquarius Venus - The Pickup Artist  If you have this combination, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Aries which expresses the very assertive, passionate, and active nature of Aries. Combined with an Aquarius Venus, it makes for individuals that love to chase when it comes to romance. They have a way with words too, absolute effortless charisma. The initial impression and connection with people is very important to this type of Aries, it ignites the most passion and excitement in them. This type tends to go for people who strike them as unique and exciting. They are not usually in it for the long run when it comes to relationships and may even appear aloof when things get too comfortable. They also feel comfortable going long periods of time just being single and may even value their platonic relationships over their love life. However, what keeps this type of Aries interested is a constant change in scenery because they are often pleasure and thrill seekers. This also plays a role in what this type of Aries is drawn to aesthetically. Their eye is often drawn to innovation and provocation– those who are artistically inclined with this combo may emphasize those two conventions in their art quite a bit.

With Pisces Venus - The Hopeless Romantic If you are this type of Aries, there is an obvious softness to you. The curious and innocent nature of Aries is prominent in this combination. There is an openness and optimism towards romantic opportunity with this type. These individuals spend lots of time daydreaming romantic or uplifting scenarios; they ponder a life stumbling upon them or a perfect meet-cute. The firsts in a relationship are very important to them, any sort of relationship milestone must be celebrated. They would do well with a partner who is also sentimental in this aspect and will also take the lead in making these milestones happen. They are very attracted to knight-in-shining-armor and princess-like characters; people who will play a role in their true love fantasy. They are very giddy and excitable over all pleasant things– overall this is a bubbly variant of Aries. This type is usually adored by all of their friends because of their sweet personality. Venus being exalted in Pisces, there is considerable ease in terms of creativity for this type of Aries. When the rose-coloured glasses stay on, they can actualize their daydreams through creative mediums. Their artistic endeavours usually involve projects that are grandiose in nature. Sometimes unachievable ideas, but the achievable ones end up being masterpieces.

With Aries Venus - The Unapologetically Infatuated  If you are the double Aries, you are not going to waste your time when it comes to getting your needs met and you have a lot of needs that need meeting! If this type of Aries has a crush on you, you will know. This type of Aries is extremely forward when it comes to romantic and sexual intentions. If they want something serious, they will tell you; if they want to play games, they will literally tell you this is a game. They are looking out for what they want and do it with confidence. This type of Aries, similarly to the type with Venus in Aquarius, is also very much a thrill seeker. Their eyes are drawn to excitement, anew-ness, and spontaneity; they lust over the bad boys, the bad girls, and challenges. They want pleasure that’s risky and new to them. In relationships, this type retains excitability throughout. Relationships remain steamy and passionate even several years down the road. If you ask this type why they fell in love with you to begin with all those years down that road, they will surely give you an answer and a gaze that will makes you melt. If this type is artistically inclined, their work will likely be provocative or inspired by unorthodox conventions.

With Taurus Venus - The Boy/Girl Next Door  If you are this type of Aries, you are literally like the lead protagonist’s romantic interest you see in movies. There is a general coolness, headstrong, and heart-throb worthy nature to you. Underneath what one might sonder to be the Martian persona is the tender, loyal, and reliable Taurus Venus heart. This is an Aries that is in it for the long run because they figure one in the hand is worth two in the bush. Venus being at home in Taurus will make this type of Aries definitely favour life’s luxuries and comforts; they are drawn to comfort and familiarity more-so than the other Aries types. They are usually attracted to others with a similar persona and similar interests as described. In relationships, this combo really knows how to facilitate romance, probably better than some of the other Aries combos. Massages, home cooked dinners, date nights, thoughtful gifts out of nowhere, vacations... They know how to keep things ignited several months or years into the relationship. This is an Aries that will take care of you for life. This type of Aries may also be drawn to artistic endeavours because their Taurean Venus will likely bless them with an eye for beauty.

With Gemini Venus - The Eloquent Flame  If you are this type of Aries, there is a good chance your Sun is the last decan of Aries which is ruled by Jupiter. The jovial decan gives an extra layer of optimism and curiosity to this Aries. People are very drawn to this type’s way with words. This is the most flirtatious of the Aries types, even if most of their interactions are not intended to be flirty, they often come across as warm, articulate, and alluring to others. They also have a wicked sense of humour; they know this is the way to anyone’s heart (and bedroom). If you have this combo along with the Jupiter decan, Jupiter really draws out the curious and explorative nature of Aries; this type of individual may particularly seek out adventurous partners to satisfy their need for new experiences. There is no lack of wildness with this type of Aries as well; their idea of comfort is fast-paced fun. They want to drive down an endless highway with the car roof down, the sun kissing them, and their favourite songs on to sing along to. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour where they can utilize their voice and words; particularly creative writing and acting suits this type extremely well.

Taurus Sun

With Pisces Venus - The Soul Hugger  If you’re this combination, there is a good chance that your Sun is in the first decan of Taurus which is ruled by Venus. It actually doesn’t get much more elevated for Venus than this combination because Venus is also exalted in the sign Pisces! This ultra Venusian individual loves all things pleasure and comfort. People are often drawn to this type’s beauty (this type is literally drop dead gorgeous, even when they don’t think they are) and natural grace. In relationships, the physical aspect is very important to this type of Taurus, they are major cuddle bugs. This type of Taurus sees physical connection as the way to soul connection. They have the softest hands, the softest touch, and the calmest voice; they want their partner to just sink into them. This Taurus has the lowest energy of all the Taurus types which means they prefer low energy or calm activities, low maintenance relationships, and harmonious environments. Spirituality can be quite important to this type; they often enjoy meditating, manifesting, and aromatherapy (for evoking spiritual mindfulness). This is a great combo for the artistically inclined– this individual would be great at anything they put their mind to in this aspect, whether it be visual arts, music, dance, or anything hands-on. 

With Aries Venus - The Selfish Pleaser This contrasting combination of a Venusian Sun with a Martian Venus is exactly how its “Selfish Pleaser” title might indicate. There is an immense impulsiveness and indulgence when it comes to love and pleasure. It’s paradoxical in that they can be very other-focused when it comes to fulfilling romantic needs; They can be so aggressively eager to fulfill other’s needs it’s almost, or rather is, their form of self-fulfillment. These individuals love to give love, but may need to loosen their grip a little bit. Luckily, Taurus are good listeners though they can be stubborn, so they will tame the smothering, hot-blooded Arian Venus to their partner’s liking, maybe. They are clearly extremely affectionate, especially physically. This type really likes to play up the Aries innocence; they desire to be adored by their partner. They also tend to do really well with partners who wear the pants in the relationship which may be surprising for an Aries Venus; they need someone they can look up to and depend on. Unlike the other Taurus combos, this Taurus is more open to trying new things to keep relationships and the world around them exciting, the Aries in them demands it. Not always artistically inclined, but can be as Taurus have their eyes and hands in the natural world, the Aries Venus can provide a more fiery, raw, and bold essence to this type of Taurus’ aesthetic expression.

With Taurus Venus - The Slow-burn The double Venusian warmness from this combo makes for slow-burn mutual attraction. Their interest in people and things grow with time and consideration. Once their attention is caught though, they are locked in and possibly even obsessed. Their expression of love is unconditional, surrounding, and sometimes even smothering. People are drawn to this individual’s softness and glamour. The double Venusian can seduce with their melty-caramel gaze. People feel a sense of security and predictability from this combo. In relationships, this type tends to be quite possessive. They hate being out of the loop on plans, instability, and unpredictability. They would do well with a partner who is reliable, honest, and possibly as equally paced as this type. This combination is likely artistically inclined and very good at hands-on artistic mediums such as painting or any sort of craftsmanship. They may also have particular interest in singing, even if they are not skilled or looking to sing professionally. Singing is a Taurus’ lozenge to the world. They soothe themselves and the environment this way. Taurus want to beautify the world around them like a flood of molasses; slow and caressing.

With Gemini Venus - The Carpe Diem If you are this type of Taurus, you generally know what you want in terms of relationships and romance. There is a lot of quick decision making with this combo– they have a now-or-never attitude which goes both ways in that if they desire something or someone, they don’t beat around the bush, but they also don’t linger on attachments or relationships that are not right for them. The instant decision making can occasionally bring about regret when they drop things too quickly, but this Taurus ultimately knows what’s best for them. In relationships, they are very hyper-focused on their partner and the journey that is the relationship. They express romance through the documentation of the relationship, whether that be capturing every picturesque moment or writing down memories. They are invested in romance as if its activity or hobby rather than an aspect of life. They pick it up and put it down at different chapters in their life. This type of Taurus is the least somber out of all of the combos, there is a lightness about them and they often have a great sense of humour. This combo may have some artistic inclination to any sort of creative writing or visual arts.

With Cancer Venus - The Eternally Devoted  With this combo, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Taurus which is ruled by Saturn. This type of Taurus is the most devoted, sentimental, and locked-in when it comes to relationships. This Taurus is also very cautious in choosing a partner– lots of consideration of the future and longevity of the relationship is involved. If you are this type of Taurus, you find comfort in familiarity and predictability. This equally describes this individual as well, as they are one who can be depended or counted on. This combo is the least driven towards glitter and gold, they are very much content with the simpler things in life. When life isn’t complicated by huge desires, there’s ease– and ease is very important to Taurus. This type also finds themselves attracted to people who express this same value or people who seem simple or classical. The artistic eye that comes from this type makes for great culinary artists, pastry chefs, beauticians, and painters. There’s often a love for presentation and creating or following recipes. This type has a large capacity for patience and a great attention to detail which is why they enjoy activities such as baking, hairstyling, painting, and so on. Venus in Cancer individuals tend to also have a love for what is timeless or of antiquity. Their idea of a perfect date is watching nostalgic movies or thrifting!

Gemini Sun

With Aries Venus - The Firecracker  If you are this combo, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Gemini which is ruled by Mercury. There is something particularly seductive and enchanting about this combo as they tend to be charismatic and outspoken. This individual knows how to win someone over using wit and humour. Additionally, they do have a tendency to play games in their romantic endeavours. It’s all in good fun, but the other person involved may feel frustrated or feel as though Gemini is immature or ill-intentioned. This individual loves mingling and new relationships, but isn’t always too keen on anything long term as they tend to get bored or distracted easily. This is a Gemini with hungry eyes, as Aries Venus folk tend to have large desires– this combo has a sense of fearlessness and strategy towards obtaining their desires. They will go to the extremes for art, pleasure, and beauty. In relationships, this type doesn’t like when things get too serious, they like things to stay casual and carefree. They need a partner who won’t be bothered by this type juvenile antics; who is childish, fun, and has a good sense of humour. If artistically inclined, this Gemini would do well in any artistic endeavour that celebrates their youthfulness and light heart.

With Taurus Venus - The Poet  This type of Gemini has a way with words, whether it be articulation or the sound of their voice. They may have a natural muse in music, poetry, or creative writing. This combo is easily inspired by the natural world and beauty, there is a great appreciation for both of those things. People are drawn very drawn to this combination as it may be quite romantic to fall in love with an artist. Venus being at home in Taurus will make this type of Gemini more pleasure driven– they prefer ease and comfort over wildness, excitability, and unpredictability that a Gemini is usually inclined to. Dating this type of Gemini has all the benefits of their charismatic and sharp mind without Gemini’s tendencies to get bored or distracted. There is much more commitment when Venus is in the soft and passive sign, Taurus. In love, this combo expresses themselves through their natural creativity. They will sing ballads, write poems, and talk about dreams with their lover. Obviously artistically inclined, they would do well exploring their talents for words and prose. 

With Gemini Venus - The Sitcom Heartthrob  The double Gemini is a unique and lovable combo. This individual is goofy, off-beat, campy, and clever. There is something truly authentic and magnetic about a double Gemini that has nothing to do with conventional beauty or romance (though they can be these things as well), but rather their persona, expression, humour, and intelligence. In relationships, this type often ends up with their best friend or someone who falls for their quirkiness. The double Gemini is quite a talker, they will have a lot to say to their partner, as Gemini tend to be sponges for information and they want to share that information. This type does make room to listen to their partner, they can be very attentive and emotional bonds are almost exclusively formed from verbal communication. These individuals are also great story tellers and if artistically inclined, make for fantastic fiction writers. This type does have a love for traditional conventions of romance. They have a huge capacity for loyalty and longer term relationships as well, despite Gemini’s tendency to get bored easily. There is something about the double Gemini that finds comfort in the rhythm and monotony of life; stability is beneficial to them as well, as it aids the Gemini nerves.

With Cancer Venus - The Unassuming Sensitive  This type of Gemini plays it off like they are just a care-free intellectual, but their Venus in Cancer demonstrates a hidden soft side to them that really appreciates romance, sentiment, art, and beauty. This type is really good at hiding this side of them, it only really comes out once they find a partner they really trust who they can let their guard down to. In relationships, they are very attentive and much less talkative than other Geminis. They would rather be a listener first before lending their mind to the matter. This type expresses love through vulnerability and their ability to protect or care. This type also has a great sense of humour, though it tends to be dark. There are a lot of layers to this Gemini which will continuously surprise or shock others as they get peeled back– a Gemini with mystery. If not particularly skilled in art, this type still has a deep appreciation for it, especially historical fine art pieces. They are easily moved by all forms of art and identify themselves in fine art and music especially. 

With Leo Venus - The Lost Boy/Girl  This combination is like a picture with the sharpness and saturation turned up. This combination emphasizes Gemini’s wildness, playfulness, curiosity, and curls. If you are this type of Gemini, there is a good chance that your Sun is in the last decan of Gemini which is ruled by Saturn. There is a magnetic strangeness to this type and they use that to their advantage! This individual’s glamour, wit, and charisma can be a showstopper– they often turn heads everywhere they go. In relationships, there is a playfulness to them and a bit of naivety. Just as the Gemini-Aries type, they too like to play games in relationships. This, however, does not reduce the amount of fawning and adoring that is paid to their partner. Words of affirmation is their go-to love language; it’s not uncommon to hear this type brag about their partner. The Saturn decan find longer term ones more fulfilling; they fancy the concept of being an item and think of life in extension to their partner’s. This type rarely gets bored in relationships, this is a Gemini that knows how keep themselves entertained and the relationship fresh. Flirting never gets old and the honeymoon stage is never ending. Artistically speaking, this type of Gemini would do well in performative arts, whether that be stand-up, acting, or dance. They are fantastic at putting on a character.

Cancer Sun

With Taurus Venus - The Westley If you are this type of Cancer, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of the sign, which is ruled by the Moon. This makes for someone who is extra aware of their own presence and actions as well as others. One might consider this type to have a very worried or cautious disposition based on the amount of care and consideration that goes into how they carry themselves through life. There’s often a sternness or strictness about them as well, like how a parent advises a child on what they can and cannot do for the purpose of keeping them out of trouble. Out of all of the Cancer types, the Taurus Venus type is the most protective of their relationships– sometimes they can even be quite possessive of their loved ones. They are extremely devoted too, this type often seeks out long term connections over short. This is the most physical Cancer type as well, physical affection is very important to them. They are often the big spoon, but need to be the little spoon at times too. There is something very healing about this type of Cancer’s touch, they are quite the natural healers with hands that heal and kisses that cure. With Venus at home in Taurus, there is a natural inclination to artistic endeavours. Like most artists, their art is inspired by emotion– this is heavily translated through fine art and music. Even if it isn’t particularly their feelings, they often like to explore darker, complex, or more intense emotions through art.

With Gemini Venus - The Rockstar  This is a very complex combo because it is as if on paper they are extremely romantic, express love and what it means eloquently, and perceive the world through a lens that is possibly the epitome of beauty, but their relationships generally don’t demonstrate the same amount of “fairytale” depth or vulnerability very openly. This is because their artistic mind and their romantic mind rarely collide; they like to keep these things separate and feel more authentic when they aren’t being serious and sappy all the time. They are very playful and carefree in their relationships. While others may fall in love with their art or perception of beauty, people are also drawn to the real person that is this combo; the real person that is sarcastic, humorous, and laidback. This type generally doesn’t view commitment as exclusivity and may be more drawn to open relationships or a relationship that isn’t labeled. With this said, they are very considerate of what their partner wants in the relationship. While this type doesn’t usually do stereotypical romantic gestures, they are the type to write a song about you or create a playlist for you. This type may be musically inclined and would be great at anything to do with writing or composition. 

With Cancer Venus - The Sweet and Sappy  The double Cancer is a double dose of sentiment. This type feels love deeply and may be a bit of a hopeless romantic. This type loves seeing love, especially if its accompanied with tragedy or star-crossed circumstances. This is because they enjoy feeling moved and expressing compassion. This is definitely the type to fantasize about unlikely scenarios just for the drama of it. Romantic gestures are very important to this type, they will go to a lot of trouble to demonstrate their love and care for their partner. If the gesture is reciprocated, they will literally be over the moon about it and may even get teary eyed. Commitment is also valued quite a bit and this type tends to move quickly in relationships to secure them. They want to be able to plan ahead with whoever their with so there’s a track to follow and a bit of predictability. It also adds comfort in knowing their partner is on the same page as them in terms of life plans. Those who are artistically inclined with this combo do well with visual-focused art, especially photography. They are great at capturing an idea or feeling through their art. 

With Leo Venus - The Sugar and Spice  This type is a Cancer with spunk and allure. On the surface, everyone gets to know this individual as bubbly, timid, and sweet, but in relationships there’s definitely a wilder and excitable side to them. Their wild side is accompanied with a willingness and curiosity; they are all for trying new things in relationships, in fact they welcome it. There’s nothing this type loves more than their partner demonstrating enthusiasm towards the relationship as it feels like more attention– another thing this type loves almost more than anything. This type wants to be showered in attention, they might even nag a little bit or get frisky just to get some! Overall, this combo is extremely loving and needy of their partner. Pampering this type goes a long way. This type may be artistically inclined, if not, they are usually in awe or have a deep fascination for art. This type usually does well in fine arts or visuals arts; they often make for a great painter or sketch artist. 

With Virgo Venus - The Star Gazer   If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Cancer which is ruled by Jupiter. This is an extremely complex and fascinating combination with a Jupiter decan involved as it makes an individual somewhat poetic and philosophical in their personality. This type of Cancer thinks very deeply and often goes for partners who are this way also. This is the type who will lay under the stars with you and talk hours upon hours about life; this is how they really connect with people and it’s often a deep-soul connection that they want. They aren’t very outwardly affectionate a lot of the time, much like the Cancer with Gemini Venus combo– they are much better at expressing affection through their words or writing. They will have a lot to say about their loved ones as there’s often a keen attention to detail. They flatter others with their ability to remember their interests. This type usually has a very ironic or sarcastic sense of humor which is sometimes accompanied with underlying negativity. Overlooked though, this type is hilarious and fascinating to be around. They always have something thought provoking to say. If artistically inclined, they often do well in visual arts or writing due to their attention to detail.

Leo Sun

With Gemini Venus - The Adonis  If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Leo which is ruled by the Sun. There is something truly magnificent and glowing about this combo. This type embodies a young, naive angel tempted by the mortal pleasures in life and is filled with curiosity. With this sort of personality in mind, this type gets into a lot of interesting romantic entanglements and may break a couple hearts here and there, but this type also has a huge heart, a lot of determination, and plenty of room for growth. In relationships, they may be a little difficult to hold down and keep interested because of their forever curiosity. There’s generally a playfulness and enthusiasm that comes from Leos, this is especially true for this type. They certainly know how to keep their partner excited and entertained. The individuals with the solar decan tend to have a powerful voice. They will speak up for their loved ones and the underdogs; they often have tremendous courage. It takes a lot to hurt this type, and when one manages to, the magnificent angel that is this combo becomes a fallen one. A bruised ego can be difficult to fix here. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any sort of writing or acting because of their bright and attractive personalities.  

With Cancer Venus - The Melodrama  Leos are often known for their exaggerations and drama– this combo is probably the most dramatic out of all the Leo combos. The two placements really feed into each other, where Venus in Cancer desires sentiment and compassion and the Sun in Leo often draws these desires from drama. This type’s love life is often a self written epic. Every step of a relationship is a profound experience for them and every breakup is a tragedy. In relationships, this type can be quite needy; they love physical affection and being doted on. This is very much reciprocated back as they are very caring and protective lovers. They get really into “through sickness and through health” modes which is all a part of the draw towards drama. This type really needs a partner who can play along with them, but also be their rock and place of rationale. This type does have the ability to switch modes and be calm and collected, especially if their partner is in a state of panic. This type also has a particular calmness around children and animals. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in anything that can release that exaggerated energy– so perhaps stage acting or music.

With Leo Venus - The Kitten  Leos don’t get any more cat-like than the double Leo combination. This type generally has a great level of independence and don’t particularly feel like they need a relationship. With this in mind, their standards are usually high or they prefer more open relationships. In relationships they can be incredibly uplifting individuals to be around; they love building their partner’s confidence and overall making them feel good about themselves. They are also very physically affectionate, this is their primary love language– being a literal cuddly kitten (or seductive and wild). Though a huge component of the relationship with this type is building their partner up, there is somewhat of an expectation to be a queen/king and treated like one. They need constant reminders of how important they through their partner’s words and actions. If their partner fails to meet the standards of this Leo, things will fizzle out and hearts will be broken because after all, relationships aren’t a necessity for this Leo! The double Leo is also often artistically inclined, they do well in almost anything that requires creativity. They would do particularly well in design or performance art.

With Virgo Venus - The Queen/The King  People with this combo know exactly what they want and only settle for exactly that. Their standards aren’t super high/unrealistic and they don’t have the same neediness as the other Leo combinations, but they are very particular in their interests, desires, and relationships. This type can often seem distant or up in the clouds because they keep their pursuits or love interests at an arm’s length for quite awhile until they are certain it’s a worthy shot. In addition to this, in relationships they demonstrate affection through what they can do for their partner to make their life easier or happier, unlike some of the other Leo combos that express affection a lot more through physical means. They need to be with someone who really understands this aspect of them, isn’t very needy, and perhaps shares a similar love language . In relationships, there isn’t a lack of playfulness– this type has a great sense of humour, they love to tease, and they often playfully nitpick just to rile their partner up. They also tend to give off a vibe that they are “above it all,” but after getting to know them, they are actually the most humble of all the Leo combinations thanks to their Venus in Virgo. This type is very stoic and the least flashy of the other combos. If artistically inclined, this type would do particularly well in illustrative arts or painting.

With Libra Venus - The Biggest Flirt  If there is something to be said about this Leo combination, it is that they LOOOOVE to flirt! It could be that if you have this combo, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Leo which is ruled by Mars. They are all about the passion, the excitement, and the game of the dating world. They are often great at wooing and charming people since their Venus is domicile in Libra as well. This type is really fun to be around, there is something about them that feels lavish and alluring. It wouldn’t be uncommon for this type to become popular and have an abundant amount of friends because they are so likeable. With this all said, they can still be guilty of being a heartbreaker. There is a level of indecision and inability to commit with this combo. They often don’t know what they want in the long run, but rather just for the moment. This type is best off spending their youth without any long term commitments so they can really learn and grasp what it is that they want down the road. This combination is often artistically inclined and would do well in almost any artistic endeavour that interests them. Particularly illustrative arts tends to be the muse of Leo/Libra combinations; they have a keen eye for colour theory and beauty.

Virgo Sun

With Cancer Venus - The Nest Builder  If you are this type of Virgo, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Virgo which is ruled by Mercury. This type is particularly organized and has set-in-stone plans in mind for their life and desires. They may be a bit of a homebody– they definitely like to be in control of the household and know the ins-and-outs of how it functions well. This type looks for a relationship with someone who shares similar goals, specifically in the context of building a foundation. They love people who really understand and are compatible to their “system” so-to-speak. While practicality is the most important aspect of a relationship, this type doesn’t lack romance or affection. This type is very protective and nurturing and equally loves being cared for in this way as well. Holidays and celebrations tend to be quite important to this type, though the events are usually quite close-knit. This type may be artistically inclined and would do particularly well in writing or culinary arts! The combination of an earthly, Mercury decanate Sun and a water Venus gives this individual very clever, practical, efficient ideas balanced with magical, flavourful, flowing creativity.

With Leo Venus - The Serendipitous  This type of Virgo often surprises people, in a good way. Initially this type may be perceived as cold, shy, or unapproachable, but after getting to know this type, people realize they are quite the opposite. In relationships, this type is extremely warm, affectionate, and playful. This type may even be much more reckless, spontaneous, or less self-restrictive in comparison to the other Virgo types. This type dispels a lot of the stereotypes of Virgos being rigid, compulsive, cynical, and closed-off. This unexpected personality is what attracts more fiery, rebellious romantic interests to compliment this Virgo’s wild side. This type of Virgo likes a lot of attention, but may not directly communicate that. They may indirectly make little complaints or nudges in that direction as a Virgo does, but often in a playful, non-resentful manner. This combo loves to show off and talk about their partner– they often take great pride in their choice of partner, especially when the relationship is having a ton of highs. This type likes people who push them out of their comfort zone and build their confidence. Having Venus in Leo is a great placement to have if you’re an artist. This combination would do particularly well in illustrative arts or painting. 

With Virgo Venus - The Eyes of the Room  The double Virgo is a double dose of Mercurial energy influencing this type’s interests, values, and desires. This type is observant, practical, and careful when it comes to dating. The type of partner they seek must meet this Virgo’s standards which are often high or carry some sort of expectation that the relationship is low maintenance or drama-free. In relationships, the double Virgo makes for a great partner because of their observant qualities– they are amazing listeners, they remember the little things, and go out of their way to make their partner’s life easier. This combination is very attracted to tidiness and uprightness– people who really have their shit together, that are reliable and can give this Virgo peace of mind. With this said, this type is very attentive to their partner’s emotional needs. They express romance through what they can do for their partner, especially if it’s something their partner has forgotten about or has been stressing over. They will go out of their way to help their loved ones during lows. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any sort of design, especially interior design.

With Libra Venus - The Art Kid  This Virgo’s domicile Venus in Libra gives them a little more desire, pizzazz, and maybe even eccentricity. The Venusian influence really makes this type explore a very self expressive, show-offy side to their Virgo sun. This combination really likes to dress to the nines, especially for or with their partner. In relationships, this type is one of the more romantically expressive Virgos. They love to go on dates, even well into the relationship, and are very attentive. They really put in the extra effort even when things have settled in. They constantly are checking in with their partner’s needs and feeling for how they’re feeling. Spoiling their partner with lavish or thoughtful gifts is common with this type. This type doesn’t mind spending a good chunk of coin on their partner. They also wouldn’t mind the same treatment in return! This type is often artistically inclined and would do well in any artistic endeavour they choose. They also like to express their love through their art! 

With Scorpio Venus - The Insatiable Spirit  If you are this combination, your Sun is more than likely in the last decan of Virgo which is ruled by Venus. There is suppressed desire within this complex combination, as both the Virgo and Scorpio archetypes are very much to themselves and often secretive, but with Venus in Scorpio and and Venusian Sun decan comes insatiable desires. This combination is not obvious at all with their interests or pursuits which can be difficult for potential relationships. They tend to open up more as they spend more time with an individual. Eventually they can reveal their interest which often comes as a surprise. In relationships, this type values intimacy the most. They feel loved when their partner shares with them openly and when there is a close physical bond. They really desire unification. Without those things, this type can feel extremely hurt and will close themselves off again. This type is usually in it for the long haul, especially if the chemistry is right, but they really need to be with someone who can really understand the level of desire that comes from Venus in Scorpio. The overwhelming and surrounding love this type has to give can sometimes be too much for people, especially since this type is so unassuming! If artistically inclined, this combination would do well in areas that allows them to express complex feelings such as shame, guilt, and desire.

Libra Sun

With Leo Venus - The True Aphrodite  If you are this combination, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Libra which is ruled by Venus. The mutual reception in this combination makes for an extra creative and artistically inclined individual. This type of individual often loves art and is drawn to events and venues for art. This type also tends to have a great sense of style and loves dressing up! When it comes to seeking out a partner, this type, unlike other Libras, knows exactly what they want. This type is seeking out someone to be their muse. In relationships, they really know how to dote on their partner and show them their pride in them. This combo is very charismatic and flirty. They can be very showy and don’t mind a little PDA to celebrate their love to the world. This type has an inclination to settle down, but if the attention isn’t on them consistently, their eye may wander! Keep this Libra inspired by taking them on dates to art museums and the great outdoors. As described, this type is often naturally creative, so they would do well in any sort of artistic endeavour.  

With Virgo Venus - The Friend to Lover  If you are this type of Libra, you may be somewhat shy around love. There can be a lot of indecisiveness coming from Libra’s influence and a lot of criticism coming from Virgo’s influence which can be quite difficult for this individual to confess their feelings. Usually this combo befriends their love interest and just hopes and prays they will take the initiative to confess feelings for them. While romance isn’t their strong suit, this type is really great at making friends. They can really hold a conversation and introduce new ideas to the table. People often fall for this type’s interpersonal skills and it’s up to the other person to warm this combo up romantically. Since this type is so indirect with romance, the “I love you”’s will hold a lot more meaning and should be cherished, along with other moments of vulnerability. The shyness definitely carries through even in the relationship. This type would do well with someone who can really open them up and encourage them to fulfil their, often neglected, desires. There can be a bit of shame around desire, something that is not uncommon for Venus in Virgo. If this type is artistically inclined, they would do well in any sort of writing. Their ability to express feelings is often stronger and more graceful through writing than it is through words.

With Libra Venus - The Evening Star  If you are this type of Libra, you have a double dose of Venusian energy coursing through you. All that is Venusian is intensified and significant, therefore romance and relationships will play a dramatic role in this individual’s life. Whether that be one big love story with a singular person, or a journey through several relationships, each one with a lesson, big or small, to be taught. In relationships, this type is often tested on some of their traits, specifically the Libran traits of indulgence and superficiality. This type is so involved in consuming what is desirable and being social in a way that fits their environment that it can draw in some quarrels with their partner. This type can sometimes behave like a leaf in the wind which is frustrating to their partner and people close to them. People will often question this type’s genuinity and frankness as they can be people-pleasers. Aside from that, this type is a real charmer and people are undoubtedly drawn to this combination. People fall for this type left and right as the Venusian influence is all-encapsulating like the evening star itself. They have a very pleasant and peaceful presence. In relationships, this type loves to be spoiled with dates and gifts. This type loves all things romance, beauty, luxury, nature, and art. They would do well in almost any artistic endeavour, especially illustrative art or anything that really captures their love of beauty and nature.

With Scorpio Venus - The Obsession  If there is something to be said about this combination, it is that they are COMMITTED and they do not move on easily! This type can be quite flirty in their social circles, but when it comes to an actual relationship, they are completely obsessed with their partner and loyalty is of utmost importance. Venus in Scorpio gives this Libra the intensity you’d expect from Scorpio placements. The intensity can be dramatic– the highs and lows of relationships can be quite turbulent with this type. This type can’t handle being with people that provoke boundaries and break trust; people who could be described as out of control don’t mesh well with this Libra. This type really values stability and dependability. Additionally, it must be recognized that Venus in Scorpio is Venus’ detriment placement which adds an extra layer to the Venusian sun. This type may have a large appetite of desire and sometimes prone to selfishness which is quite a contrast from a typical Libra. This type also tends to know what they want in contrast to Libras typically being indecisive. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any art form that allows them to express their intensity and desires.

With Sagittarius Venus - The Life of the Party  If you are this type of Libra, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Libra which is ruled by Mercury. For these individuals, this puts communication as a theme at the forefront. This type usually has a large social circle and they are the most flirty of the Libra types! This type also may be open to open relationships or non-monogamous relationships– commitment or exclusivity isn’t huge for this type unless Saturn is prominent in the birth chart. With that said, this type is often a believer in soul-connections and will remain a strong presence in the lives of their soulmates. The Venus in Sagittarius does gives some spiritual inclination as well, but pleasure and reality tend to outweigh its importance particularly in this type’s youth. Experiencing life at its fullest before pondering it and God is the order in which this type tends to live. This Libra values fun the most when it comes to dating and relationships. They get bored easily, so new experiences and people are what keep them interested. You can expect to go on some very interesting dates with this type! This type is great at conversation, they are usually quite charismatic, warm, and humorous. They may have a more excitable presence in comparison to the other Libra types; they are best described as the life of the party, truly. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any art form that allows them to express their wildness and excitability.

Scorpio Sun

With Virgo Venus - The Paradox  If you are this type of Scorpio, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of the Scorpio which is ruled by Mars. This intensifies the Martian sun’s need for action as well as desire. Accompanied by Venus in Virgo, the need for action feeds into Virgo’s desire to serve. There’s complexity to this type’s personality; strong themes of autonomy in the paradox that is them serving their own desires through their desire to serve others. This type’s love language is, well, acts of service of course. This is incorporated in mundane aspects of life as well as intimate ones. This type is an excellent homemaker, but wouldn’t do well with a partner that doesn’t share the work of a household. There may be some shyness or coldness with this type even after they have, what they would consider, opened up. Their attentiveness intimately makes up for being difficult to read or unaffectionate. This combo’s capacity for big desires and fetishes may be of intrigue to those who are equally secretly freaky... Typical with Virgo in Venus, this type can be picky when it comes to starting and sustaining relationships. Imperfections in their partner can often be deal-breakers so this type either puts off relationships entirely or only pursues casually. This combo’s ability to understand complex concepts would make for a great writer or poet, if artistically inclined.

With Libra Venus - The Femme/Homme Fatale  Of all the Scorpio types, this one is the most flirtatious and one of the more out there Scorpios. This type is sizzling and charismatic– don’t be surprised when you fall for this type’s charm. This type doesn’t play games, they get straight to the point when it comes to pursuing someone. In relationships, their loveliness and charm doesn’t fade, they retain and express their mysterious allure forever. Very affectionate and warm; they never let their partner feel confused on where they stand in the relation and they really know how to make them feel secure. With that said, this type is a very different person when you’ve hurt them, Scorpios hold grudges after all! This type is very artistic and will often incorporate their artistic mind and abilities in their romantic gestures. For example, they really know how to create a great atmosphere for dates through the classic mood-setters like food, scented candles, certain fabrics, colours, etc. The senses and art go hand in hand greatly with this Scorpio. As this type tends to be artistically inclined, they do well in most artistic endeavours, especially those in which Scorpio’s provocation and Libra’s beauty can go hand in hand.

With Scorpio Venus - The Hungry Like a Wolf  A double dose of Scorpio makes for an individual with an ocean of depth and intensity. There isn’t a love that’s deeper than a Scorpio’s. However, with this said, Venus is in detriment when in Scorpio which may add a layer of complications. There’s a tendency for this type to be untrusting, secretive, and stingy with their vulnerability. This type demands a lot of attention and focus on them, exclusivity is a must. The double Scorpio can be best described as very love-hungry. They really need to be with their partner constantly and may even be borderline obsessive at times. This type values a spiritual/emotional connection either as equally as or over an intimate/physical one. The passion and intensity this type exudes is consistent in highs and lows. They can be particularly cruel and punishing when hurt by a loved one. It wouldn’t be wise to get caught in a lie with this type! Their affection feels all-consuming and maybe even a little aggressive. This combo would do well with someone who doesn’t mind or even enjoys being with someone who’s quite possessive and protective over them. They really need to be with someone who is always on their team, so to speak. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in artistic endeavour that allows them to explore the complexity of a detriment Venus; endeavours that are emotionally and spiritually explorative. 

With Sagittarius Venus - The Bloom from Gloom  While it’s common for Scorpios to be quite secretive, this type is the quickest to become an open book for the sake of love. The fiery, gregarious Sagittarian Venus can really aid to making this Scorpio appear sunny, warm, and extremely approachable. This type is loud and forthcoming, it will be very obvious if they like you. This type can also be considerably more social and pleasure driven than the other types– they are very much party goers like the Libra type unless indicated in their chart otherwise. In relationships, there is no lacking in the fun and physical aspects. This type values the physical aspect of relationships quite a bit and tend to have a very carefree and relaxed attitude towards sexuality. This type likes to be quite goofy and humorous with their partner, there’s really no bigger turn-on than making their partner laugh! As with all Scorpios, the intensity is still there with this type; you can expect as much passion in this type’s love as the others. Their value in spiritual connections or spirituality in general may be more prominent with a Sagittarian Venus. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in an endeavour that honours their value in spirituality.

With Capricorn Venus - The Dark Side of the Sun  If you are this type of Scorpio, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Scorpio which is ruled by the Moon. This Scorpio is the most emotionally expressive and focused out of all of the types, which may seem surprising as a Capricorn Venus is so readily labeled as cold and calculating! There is actually nothing calculating about this combo; there may be a bit of coldness or rigidity, but as lovers they are very considerate and adoring. In relationships, this type may be a bit controlling– it stems from their feelings of foresight and protectiveness. This type definitely needs to wear the pants in the relationship. Financial security can be particularly important to this Scorpio. As mentioned, this type is quite emotionally focused, therefore they may be quite sensitive and have tendencies to lash out when hurt; obviously this type’s Moon sign will be more telling in terms of sensitivity. This type values exclusivity and predictability, they can’t handle people who are aloof, hard to read, or in need of constantly indulging in their freedom/free will. This Scorpio desires long term, deep connections with a foundation that facilitates vulnerability. People find themselves attracted to this type because they have a very sure and safe presence, like you know you’re going to be well taken care of. This combo’s ability to be in touch with lunar dwellings makes for a great artist; they would do well in anything that allows them to express lots of emotion such as writing, music, or acting.

Sagittarius Sun

With Libra Venus - The Mystic  If you are this type of Sagittarius, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Sagittarius which is ruled by Jupiter. This is Sagittarius in its true mystic expression. This type is magical, extravagant, and fair. Venus is in its ruler with this combination, so the themes Venus holds importance over will be prevalent in this type. That means themes of relationships and values are quite strong. This type is very spiritually attuned and values very deep connections with people. With this said, this Sagittarius is difficult to hold onto. They are always onto the experience in their life despite being committed to the moment. In relationships, this type’s attitude is very optimistic and diplomatic. People are very attracted to the overall vibe this combo gives as it tends to rub off on others. Their extravagance comes from this types desires for big and luxurious things. This Sagittarius manifests big time since they have a lot of dreams of luxury. This type’s love of spiritual and philosophical concepts may give urges to go on journeys to further explore their curiosity; their partner, of course, is invited to this spontaneity. This is how the deep connection is fostered; being spiritually on the same page and experiencing things together. Being inspired by the natural and supernatural world, this type is often quite artistically inclined. You can get a glimpse of their mystique through their artwork.

With Scorpio Venus - The Sultry Sage  If you are this type of Sagittarius, then you might get mistaken for a Scorpio a lot! The intensity of Venus in Scorpio really feeds into this type as they much more dark, brooding, and desire hungry compared to the other types. While still retaining the deeply spiritual qualities Sagies tend to have, you will notice with this type that they are much more needy of affection and closeness. In relationships, this type can be a bit aggressive or jealous over their partner; they need a lot of reassurance and affection to keep this at bay. Exclusivity and long, committed relationships are often valued in this type. People find themselves attracted to this type’s seductive personality– their desire for deep discussions, their cleverness, and charisma. If you’re looking to lay under the stars with someone, this is the one, but there probably won’t be a whole lot of star-gazing! They also tend to have something completely unforgettable about them, whether that be their gaze or perhaps their voice, just something to not be forgotten. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any artistic endeavor that expresses the sultry darkness within their Venus in Scorpio.

With Sagittarius Venus - The Brightest Star  This type of Sagittarius is quite similar to the Libra Venus type, but less materialistic and a lot wilder. This is the double Sagittarius; a double dose of Jupiter! All the joy, mystique, and abundance of the Jovian planet is apparent in this type. If there is something to be said about this type, it is that they are extremely passionate about their values/interests; they literally love their joys to death and become the brightest person in the room when talking about them. In relationships, this type is very spontaneous, excitable, and optimistic. They love nothing more than goofing off with their partner or loved ones and fulfilling urges of wanderlust. In relationships, the pursuit of just feeling happy is most important. They want to be with someone who can make them laugh and vice versa, someone who is open-minded and with a hopeful outlook and willingness. While this type tends to have a high tolerance, they don’t stick around negative crowds or relationships. When this type isn’t trying to make you laugh, they can seem quite philosophical as Sagittarius tend to be. If you’re looking for both silliness and deepness, it can be found within this type. This type can get bored easily, but they are also easily committed– they just need someone to keep feeding the fire so they don’t blow out. If artistically inclined, this type should find an endeavour that captures their love of abstract ideas, philosophy, culture, and spirituality. 

With Capricorn Venus - The Breadwinner  This combination really slows down and brings a Sagittarius back to earth. This is a Sagittarius that lives in the present (and maybe a bit in the past as well..) and one most people can easily keep up with! People are drawn to this type for their stability and dependability. In relationships, this type is much more cautious and conservative compared to the other combos. They may even be a little bit opposed to PDA or a bit rigid when it comes to expressing affection. This type still lives up to the Sagittarius’ stereotype of needing freedom; the freedom they want is control over their life. They often want to be the one to wear the pants in the relationship and make the big decisions. A plus to this icy Venus is that this type is actually quite good with money– far better than the other types! Sagittarius dream big and this combo knows how to save for those big dreams. Because of the nature of Capricorn energy, this combo tends to have two types that they are attracted to; people they can take care of and people with status; bonus if someone happens to fit into both these types! This type likes to express love through acts of service primarily whether that be completely spoiling you with gifts and quietly doing the dishes after an argument to show they’re sorry and that they love you. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in the makeup or fashion world as they really know how to take things to the next level with professionalism, sophistication, practicality, and attention to detail. 

With Aquarius Venus - The Freedom Chaser  If you are this type of Sagittarius, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Sagittarius which is ruled by the Sun. The cocktail of this combination of solar influence and an Aquarian Venus can give some complexity, especially for this type’s attitude towards relationships. The solar decan really makes this type stand out and for others to be drawn to their light. While shiny, attractive, and unique, this type is hard to get with! Extremely independent and always on the move; they always have an excuse as to why a relationship won’t work or how it isn’t right for them at the time, which is totally fine. This type’s autonomy and value over freedom is very commendable. They know what they want and they aren’t desperate! With this said, this type is attracted to people who share the same dreams or ideals as them. If they find someone who is running in the same direction as them, it may spark some romance. They also like individuals who are unique like themselves. In relationships, this type may be a little bit hard to read and their mind may seem like it’s elsewhere when affection is being requested from their partner. This type still retains the silliness Sagittarius tend to have, letting loose and having a good laugh can really bring them back to earth. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in endeavours that allow them to express their value for freedom and demonstrates their glistening uniqueness. 

Capricorn Sun

With Scorpio Venus - The Master  If you are this type of Capricorn, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Capricorn which is ruled by Saturn. There is an inquisitive and clever nature to this combo. They are very smart and never easily fooled! It can be difficult to break down the walls of this type, particularly because of the crystallizing Capricorn Sun accompanied with a detriment Venus; vulnerability is hard to come by unless the Moon tells otherwise. If one were to actually get to know the secrets this type holds and be in a relationship with them, they’d discover a surprisingly needy and amorous side to them– maybe even a kinky side! Martian Venus’ have quite the capacity for desire, after all. What people love about this combo is their loyalty, dependability, and wit. This type is very committed in relationships and isn’t the type to stir things up; keeping the peace (and quiet..) in the relationship is important to them. While they strive for steady sailing, it can lead this type into somber and cynical moods; they tend to sink into stillness and are prone to seriousness. A partner who is more cheery and optimistic will keep this type afloat. This type expresses love through their demonstrating deep respect for their partner and physical closeness. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that can express their provoking thoughts and ideas.

With Sagittarius Venus - The Philosopher  This combo is the steady head of a Capricorn and the endlessly wondering Sagittarius. This is a Capricorn with optimism and joviality; the glass is always half full with this type. This type is very fascinated by the world, as Sagittarius influence tends to express; they love learning about different cultures, philosophy, theology, and spirituality. People are attracted to this type’s curiosities and likewise this type tends to be attracted to those who walk an off-beaten path and have plenty of stories to share. Venus is quite comfortable in Sagittarius, so it can really warm up a Capricorn’s iciness. In relationships, this type values honesty and happiness the most. They approach relationships with a particular openness and energy. You can expect the most adventure from this one in comparison to the other types! This combo can get bored and move on from interests rather quickly, so relationships that are dynamic are a must to keep this type hanging around. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that expresses their love for different cultures and philosophy.

With Capricorn Venus - The Chivalrous Lover  The double Capricorn is a combo of coolness, chivalry, and classiness. You can expect to be blown away by this type’s respect and politeness to others, especially the people they care about most. Venus in Capricorn however does have its iciness; this type can be quite difficult to get in touch with romantically. Warmness is overshadowed by chronic seriousness and concern for their responsibilities. Sometimes this type prioritizes their their career, goals, or projects over relationships entirely. When this type is in reach, they express their love through planning their future with their partner, their protectiveness, and actually letting go and having a good laugh with their partner. This type is surprisingly humorous, especially when it comes to cynical or dark humour. This type tends to be attracted to people who seem to have their shit together, who are quite traditional in some way, and present themselves with the same seriousness or classiness that Capricorn has. Capricorn looks for stability, it is one of the things they value most in relationships. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that harnesses their sophistication and professionalism, such as fine arts, cosmetology, or fashion. 

With Aquarius Venus - The Unconventional  This is the quirky and odd Capricorn. There is absolutely nothing traditional or predictable about this type; this combo really takes the Saturn energy to the next level with Venus in the rebellious and unique sign, Aquarius. This combo is truly the manic pixie dream girl (or... whatever the male version of this is) of the Capricorn types. People will be drawn to this type’s uniqueness and incomprehensibility. This type can be rather confusing and hard to read; they often have very odd ways of gesturing their attraction to people. This type could literally write a song about you with no romantic intention, but in the same vein do something entirely unnoticeable as a gesture to show they like you. This type is equally attracted to unique individuals. They also like people with a coolness, independence, or stand-offishness. It works well for this type if their partner is equally a puzzle to be figured out. With this all said, this Capricorn does value its independence and does have a tendency to not seek relationships at all (it won’t stop them from flirting though!). If artistically inclined, any endeavour that demonstrates their oddness would be optimal for this type. Mixed media and anything experimental would be great for this type. 

With Pisces Venus - The Musician  If you are this type, your Sun is more than likely in the last decan of Capricorn which is ruled by Mercury. As Capricorn comes to a close, we see the magical concoction that is this type. With the influences of a refined Capricorn in a Mercurial decan and an exalted Venus, this type is particularly blessed in the realm of art and love. This type values true love, sacred love, or higher love. They may be particularly spiritual and attuned to the natural world. This type is extremely sacrificial and would carry the world on their back for anyone they considered deserving of that. In relationships, this is the most attentive and expressive of the Capricorn types and in some ways they are similar to the Sagittarius Venus Capricorn, but in contrast to that type, this one does have a tendency to negativity and catastrophic thoughts. This type has a tendency to be attracted to “broken” people or people that need “saving,” so there should be some caution or warning for this type to stray away from people that may take advantage of their selflessness. This type can be quite sensuous, again thanks to earthy Capricorn accompanied with an exalted Venus, they love physical affection and care. This type is usually artistically inclined and would do really well in practically any artistic endeavour– however this type would do particularly well in music because this combo is naturally poetic and refined. They are fantastic at communicating love and beauty through music.

Aquarius Sun

With Sagittarius Venus - The Traveller  If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Aquarius which is ruled by Saturn. This provides extra uniqueness and wisdom to the already genius that is Aquarius. With Venus in Sagittarius, this Aquarius fulfills their desires abroad and as far away from familiar as possible. This type loves to be the foreigner and often gets attention for being so. While broadening horizons in far away lands, this type falls for people who are totally different from them or from a completely different background. They love people who can share a good story about their life and teach them everything they’ve ever known. This type’s overall presence is that of someone who’s happy-go-lucky and positive to be around. They’re often quite wise and well versed in multiple worldviews. In relationships, they value honesty and integrity the most. Additionally, communication is quite important with this type because there is some level of obliviousness with this type. An authentic connection with this type can often feel absent unless there is dedicated time to discuss feelings. They are always very much in the moment and striving for the peak of experiences. They express their love through living through experiences with their partner. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that demonstrates their vast knowledge and wisdom.

With Capricorn Venus - The Gentleperson  This Aquarius tends to be quite a bit more formal in their expression and conservative. They like things clean cut and refined. There is a tendency to really like modern design (especially in terms of living space, work space, and how they dress) and enjoy tradition (in the sense of values and nostalgia) simultaneously. The very industrial and professional vibe this type gives off obviously has some difficulty translating into their romantic life. While they can be very polite and gentlemen/lady-like, there is some rigidity, coolness, and difficulty winning the heart of this type. They typically don’t play the dating game, they prefer people who fancy the word “court” and people who go out of their way to impress them with their morals, values, and efforts on this world. This type tends to be very rational and may have difficulty being around people who are the very opposite. Reserved, but blunt; they tell things like it is. People often find themselves attracted to this type’s strength, stoicism, and intelligence. In relationships, this type will kick off their boots and let their hair down sometimes– and it’s encouraged as this type would greatly benefit from relaxing every once in awhile. Their biggest expression of love is being comfortable around you. This type would do well with someone who’s independent, clever, and able to make this Aquarius laugh. They prefer lasting relationships over short ones, but they know what they want and don’t want. They won’t keep a relationship going or lead someone on if it isn’t what they want in the long run. If artistically inclined, this type would do really well in any sort of design, particularly interior design, drafting, or architecture; anything that peaks their interest in modern aesthetics.  

With Aquarius Venus - The Storm  The chaotic and misunderstood combination that is the double Aquarius forever puzzles most. The double Aquarius lives their life paradoxical and shifts gears experience to experience. It is true that this type can be a bit wild– they do go after all of the boys/girls, are at all of the parties, indulge in all of the conspiracies theories and yet simultaneously if you actually ask this Aquarius what they want, they will tell you something along the lines of one true love, stability, and truth. This type actually does value commitment, settling down, and they are extremely intelligent, confident, and well-spoken. With that said, it is not without this type having feelings of doubt and suspicious of themselves and others. While being outwardly strong, this type can have some tendencies towards imposter syndrome. People find themselves attracted to this type’s hidden talents, their trippiness, quirkiness, and unconditional acceptance for others. This type will put others before themselves and will go to great measures to protect their loved ones. They are often drawn to people who are also natural weirdos themselves; people who are youthful and fun; people who they feel like they’ve known forever. This type values honesty, open-mindedness, and quality time the most in relationships. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any endeavour that expresses their uniqueness such as crafting, mixed media, or abstract artforms. 

With Pisces Venus - The Alien  This type is unusual and magnetic; otherworldly even. This type tends to be the “weirdest” out of all the Aquarius types. They have particular tastes, whether that be in music, values, foods, or romantic partners! They just have a liking towards kooky things. This type is also the most humanitarian driven as Venus in Pisces encompasses unconditional love and immense compassion for others and the world. Very spiritually driven as well. This Aquarius is very emotionally expressive, particularly so if the Moon’s position agrees. They are attracted to equally sensitive people; they need to be with someone who can facilitate their main outlet of catharsis which is wallowing about the world’s pain and flushing emotions out like a toilet! To be in a relationship with this type means going on a mission and using love to benefit the world. Moreover, this type tends to have some unusual talents which people will be drawn to, whether it be their beautiful voice, synesthetic mind, or their attunement to the supernatural. They are often artistically inclined and tend to do well in any artistic endeavour. Particularly music and fine arts are the most rewarding for this combination.

With Aries Venus - The Wild Thing   If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Aquarius which is ruled by Venus. This additional ray of Venus can really benefit a Venus in detriment, which Venus in Aries is. The natural sextile between the Sun and Venus in this combination compliments this too. We see the nativity and curiosity expression of an Aries Venus really come out in this combination. There is a thrill and desire for anew-ness and discovery; this attitude is what dominantes this type’s realm of romance and art. This type is drawn to anything and anybody that is new and exciting to them. This type has a willingness to try everything at least once. Relationships tend to be quick and short-lived as the next big thing seduces this type away. However, in relationships this Aquarius always gives 100%. This type imprints a loveable unforgettable-ness onto others with memories of good times and pure fun. This type pioneers with their partner and shares experiences of adrenaline. This type is one of the more physical Aquarius types; they are very passionate when it comes to intimacy. This Aquarius is warm and very connected or attuned to their partner. They, however, don’t lack independence; they do need their space and they like having the challenge to fight for or chase affection. This type is quite creative; they are filled with innovative ideas and would do well in any artistic endeavour that demonstrates their talents.

Pisces Sun

With Capricorn Venus - The Guru  If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the first decan of Pisces which is ruled by Jupiter. There is a sense of maturity and wisdom from this combination; they are a capsule of knowledge open to everyone around them who wishes to be bestowed with this Pisces’ teachings. Even young individuals with this combo seem way beyond their years– they are old souls. This type’s sense of knowingness tends to draw in lots of people who are eager to learn or could be characterized as having some naivety. For that, this type tends to attract people who are much younger or older than them or people who come from a completely different background (culturally, religiously, or educationally). Relationships can often feel like teacher-student relationships as there can be a particular sense of mentorship or overfunctioning coming from Pisces. Relationships aside, this type is somewhat of a recluse. They dedicate their time and love-energy to learning or spirituality. They can even be somewhat detached romantically as they are always invested in the bigger picture whether that be the meaning of the relationship or future plans or even financial aspects of the relationship! There’s somewhat of a seriousness about them. They tend to have high morals and expectations for themselves and others. If artistically inclined, this type would do well in arts that require great skill and patience (as if all art doesn’t require this...), particularly music and illustrative tends to be this type’s muse and talent!

With Aquarius Venus - The Dream Drifter  This combination has some complexity to it. While this type truly seeks deep love connections, they repetitively have difficulty finding contentment in relationships, dreams, and desires. People and places get old fast. They drift from one direction to the next trying to find identity in something. This type tends to be attracted to people who inspire them and feel like a “new leaf” to their life. They also seek acceptance and have deep desires to fit in somewhere; they dread being alone. This type’s love language is primarily acts of service; they feel immense love when people go out of their way to do something for them or teach them something. It’s what gives them that sense of acceptance they are looking for. In relationships, this type expresses love through their creativity. They tend to have a talent for some sort of craftsmanship or a way with words in an artistic sense. They try to search deep within themselves that feeling of a deep love connection and put it into whatever they’re creating. This type loves to write letters in this way. This Pisces is very difficult to hold onto; even when they feel like they’ve found themselves in a relationship and years have gone by, the discontentment creeps up on them and something shiny, new, and far away looks like the cure– and poof, they’re gone. This type is often artistically inclined, clearly, and often do well in music, fine arts, and film. 

With Pisces Venus - The Healer  The double Pisces is comparable to the deepest parts of the sea. Mystical, deep, all encompassing are just a few words to describe this potent Pisces combination. This type is deeply spiritual and filled with compassion and charity. They are a fighter for free love and unconditional love. This type tends to attract people who are in deep need of help or misfortune; it is because the double Pisces is a natural healer. They should be cautious of people who will use this type for everything they’ve got. Pisces are extremely self-sacrificing, even to those who don’t necessarily deserve it. This type equally tends to go after people who may need helping or “saving” and caution should be practiced here as well as not everyone can be saved. This type values a spiritual connection with people the most and desire long term connections (but not necessarily exclusivity). They often have deep fantasies, especially in the realm of love. Escapism is common with this type. Sometimes their fantasies involve some unrealistic expectations of their partner or life in general so this type should find someone who can gently take the rose-coloured glasses off when necessary. Venus being exalted in Pisces, this type tends to be artistically inclined and would do well in any artistic endeavour they choose. 

With Aries Venus - The Siren  This Pisces is seductive, passionate, confident, and forward in the realm of love. The harsh Venus in detriment is completely masked by the Pisces’ soft voice and calmness. It gives way to the Martian Venus to pursue their desires and be openly flirty– and boy does this Pisces love to flirt! They have a spectacular way of facilitating chemistry with just about anyone; they are very attuned to others and curious. They pursue interests very quickly and move on just as fast. This Pisces is that one friend that has a new crush every week. Excitement and passion in relationships is important to them, as typically expected from Venus in Aries. They need joy, warmth, and anew-ness to stay interested. It’s easy for this type to fall into a pit of misery and insecurity which is why a bubble of optimism is necessary for this type. They also deeply value the physical connection in relationships; not just sexually (though that is important), but just general physical closeness and affection is what makes this type feel very loved. This type has some tendencies of being impulsive and naive, so a partner that can keep them level-headed would be very beneficial to them! If artistically inclined, this type would do well in any artistic endeavour where the can utilize their intense magnetism.

With Taurus Venus - The Daisy, Daisy  If you are this type, there is a good chance your Sun is in the last decan of Pisces which is ruled by Mars. In a lot of ways, this type is quite similar to the Aries Venus type; very passionate, intense, and flirty. However, this type is a lot less on-the-nose when it comes to their pursuits; they prefer to draw people to them with a bit of mystery (it also has a lot to do with the fact that this type is a bit lazy, but hey, there’s nothing wrong with that!). This type often has a natural beauty to them anyway, they don’t need to say much for one to be completely enthralled by the nature of this combo. Additionally, in comparison to the Aries Venus type, this combination is not impulsive at all. They really like to weigh out the validity of their decisions and desires before doing anything. They like relationships to last and exclusivity. Relationships must provide some dependability and stability. Unlike the other Pisces types, this type can very well be impressed with luxury. The Venus in Taurus does create some desire material things and value for hedonistic lifestyle. This is a Pisces that wants to be spoiled and doted on. The physical connection in relationships is also important, especially if the Sun is in the Mars ruled decan. Being sexually compatible sometimes sits at the top of their list when it comes to relationships. This type is typically artistically inclined in someway; they are often great singers, dancers, or artists thanks to Venus being domicile. They have incredible voices and graceful movements; very in tune with the rhythms of the earth.

© - @star-astrology​ / All rights reserved. IG - @0livia.star / @0livia.astrology

[gukyi]

the art of the rom-com | jjk

summary: FILM395, the art of the rom-com, was supposed to be an easy a with one of your favorite professors, but it’s not. it’s actually a sisyphean torture that comes in the form of fellow film student jeon jungkook, who has no problem responding to every one of your discussion posts about the consumerist ideals underlying every romance movie with his own paragraphs on the beauty of love like the hopeless romantic he is. and when the two of you find yourselves partnered up for your final project, which is to create a short film on rom-coms, jungkook decides to take it upon himself to show you what love is really like.

{enemies to lovers!au, college!au}

pairing: film major!jungkook x film major!reader (female) genre: fluff, comedy, slight angst, this is literally a rom-com in fic form word count: 33k warnings: college alcohol consumption, discussion board posts, emotionally constipated characters, film major shenanigans, blonde jungkook who’s also in a hip hop dance troupe, miscommunication, if you hate rom-coms do not read this fic

a/n: i am so so so excited to share this monster of a jungkook fic (tho let’s be real, 30k is pretty standard for me now ;-;) with you all! this is basically rom-com trash, but it’s my rom-com trash, and i hope you all enjoy!

on a sadder, less exciting note: after this fic i will be taking an extended writing hiatus until at least the beginning of may. my semester is picking up and i unfortunately just don’t currently have any upcoming fics planned for you guys. i hope you understand!! maybe i’ll do a couple of ask games here and there to see if anything piques my interest, but other than that please do not expect major works of writing for a while. love you all!

500 Days of Summer is a movie you all have probably seen before. That being said, I encourage you to respond to this discussion board from a film perspective as opposed to a viewer’s perspective. How did 500 Days of Summer alter the classic narrative of boy-meets-girl? Do you think it was a smart move, on the parts of Webb, Neustadter, and Weber, to do so? Why or why not?

Jeon Jungkook on February 12th at 9:53PM

I thought that the change in the boy-meets-girl narrative that had been popularized by rom-coms of the 1990s definitely contributed to his popularity and its attractiveness towards viewers in general. The film makes it clear that the story does not have a so-called happy ending, but despite that, it still brings into discussion the idea of love and soulmates and true connection. And that’s important, because despite the film’s not-so-happy ending, it makes it a point to emphasize that those things are real. That love is real. I thought it was an excellent move on the parts of the writers and director, because they both broke standards in terms of happy endings in rom-coms and they stayed true to the message at hand. 

Y/N Y/L/N on February 12th at 10:29PM

I have to disagree with Jungkook. It’s obvious the movie is not going to have a happy ending because Tom is so obsessed with the version of Summer he has created in his head that he doesn’t even see who the real girl is anymore. It doesn’t have a happy ending not because they weren’t soulmates, or because their love wasn’t right. They break up because what Tom wants and what Summer wants are fundamentally different, and Tom just can’t accept the fact that Summer doesn’t love him the way he wants her to. In a desperate quest to keep her, though, he manifests this version of her and replaces the actual Summer with it, ultimately destroying their relationship. How could viewers ever have faith that Tom would eventually get his happy ending if the only proof of his commitment to relationships they have is him manufacturing a different girl to fall in love with?

When you walk into class, Jeon Jungkook is already there. 

He sits in the front row, the seat closest to the door in your puny little classroom, much too small for twenty-students to fit comfortably, let alone watch movies on the pull-down projector screen above the chalkboard. You’re convinced he’s chosen that seat just so he can grin at you whenever you walk in the room, always later than him because apparently, he has nothing better to do with his time than show up to class early and smirk at you when you arrive. 

As you shuffle past his seat towards your own—second row, middle of the room, centered with the lecturer’s podium—with your usual scowl drawn neatly across your face, Jungkook says, overly bright and cheery, “Good morning, Y/N.”

The sound of his voice alone is enough to make your nose scrunch up in further disgust. “Shut up,” you grumble back, stuffing yourself into your chair and pulling out your laptop. One row in front of you and five seats to the right, you see Jungkook chuckle. 

Glowering, you open up your Notes document for the class and try to avoid staring at Jungkook’s side profile, the way he’s slouching lazily in his seat, and what looks to be a lengthy paragraph on his computer screen, a task that proves to be particularly difficult because he happens to sit in the exact spot you have to look in order to see your professor enter the room. What the hell is he even writing, anyway?

He straightens up the moment she does, cheerful as always as she smiles at everyone. “Good morning, everyone.”

The lot of you respond with halfhearted smiles and waves. 

“I can just feel the enthusiasm radiating throughout the room,” she jokes, clenching her fists together in success. At least that gets a couple of you to laugh. “Which is great, because before we get to anything today, we’re gonna talk about the final project.”

You smile to yourself, immediately pulling up the copy of the syllabus you had downloaded to your desktop, scrolling right down to where she had outlined information about the final project in big, bolded letters. There are a lot of reasons you’ve taken this class, not the least of which is the fact that you have had Professor Pollack three times prior to this and she’s loved you in every class, but the final project was definitely one of the major selling points. 

Pollack pulls up a more detailed final project document on the projector as she steps out from behind the podium. “As you guys know, your final project is a thirty-to-forty minute short film involving rom-coms. You guys have a lot of freedom, it can be a rom-com, it could be a documentary about rom-coms, anything. It just needs to involve the topic of rom-coms somehow. I know a lot of you have actor friends who would be more than happy to have a star-crossed lovers fling or whatever. Go wild. Just keep it PG-13, because I can’t in good faith have nude bodies of your fellow college students on my screen.”

You snort to yourself. Makes you wonder how many times Pollack has seen sex scenes of college students on her screen before. Too many, probably. 

Unintentionally, your eyes drift over to Jungkook. He seems to be working on that hefty paragraph of his, typing something you assume is completely unrelated to the topic at hand and is further proof that Jungkook just doesn’t give a shit about anything involving this class. Whatever. You turn back to Pollack. 

“Good projects not only capture the essence of what a rom-com is, but also put their own twist on the story and bring into question the topics we discuss in class, like truthfulness, realistic portrayals of love, and viewer interpretation,” she continues, and with every word you feel heart beat faster in excitement. “I know you’re all excellent filmmakers. That’s why you’ve taken this class. But what I want you to do is get into the nitty-gritty of the makeup of a rom-com and distill it as much as possible. We’ll be watching them all in class during the last week. Yes, Celia?”

You all turn to look at Celia, who sits in the third row, second seat from the left. “This is a partner project, right?” 

Well. That’s the one downside. As much as you know that cooperation is an important life skill, you would much rather prefer to produce the entire movie yourself. But you love Pollack and you already know you’re on track to get a good grade in this class, so whatever. You’ll deal. 

As long as you can pick your teammate. 

“Yes,” Pollack affirms, “and with that excellent segue, I will now announce your partners.”

Shit. 

Pollack pulls out a folded piece of paper from her back pocket, like she had just come up with the arrangements on the morning train ride to campus, and begins reading. Slowly, as she ticks off names one by one, everyone begins to turn around, locking eyes with their partners and exchanging guess-it’s-us-two-huh? smiles. Everyone except—

“And lastly, Jungkook and Y/N.”

You freeze in place. You look up at your professor, eyes wide and shocked, because nobody knows better than her how much the two of you have been butting heads this entire semester. But when you meet her eyes and she smiles knowingly, shrugging her shoulders, you know you’re doomed. Hesitantly, almost like you’re scared to find out what happens when you do, you shift your gaze towards where Jungkook sits in the front right corner of the room. Only he’s not just sitting. He’s turned a full one hundred-and-eighty degrees just so he can smirk at you from across the room, a glint in his eye. 

Jungkook laughs at your cold-stone, shellshocked reaction. Like he knows how much you’ll hate this, and you know how much he’ll enjoy it. 

From here, you actually have a pretty good view of his laptop screen, brightness turned all the way up because he apparently doesn’t care who reads his screen. Or maybe he just likes showing off how much he writes so he can establish dominance over everyone else. Except you, of course. But when you look a little closer, you notice he’s got the class discussion board for the week up on his Chrome window, two paragraphs typed into the text box. 

Right above is your response to his comment. 

Is that what he was working on? His reply to your reply? Right now? He has the audacity to draft it right here, in front of you, where he knows you can see? He doesn’t even care that you’re blatantly staring at it. In fact, he actually seems to be relishing in it.

You’re so caught off guard by the contents of his computer screen that when you look back up at him on instinct, you catch a wink in your direction. 

Your fists tighten by your side. 

Class is rather uneventful after the whole partner fiasco, as Pollack transitions into your usual dose of a short lecture on the film and then a class discussion that goes absolutely nowhere because everyone is too concerned with the final project to care. Whatever you talk about, you will be hard pressed to know, because you spend the entire rest of the period scowling at the blank page of your Notes document as you try to formulate a way to convince Pollack to change your partner. Would she accept a dozen doughnuts as a bribe? A box is only ten dollars from Dunkin’.

When Pollack finally shuts her laptop screen and begins her weekly goodbye spiel, you are the first one out of the room. Hastily, you stuff your laptop into your bag, zip it up as best as you can (which means that the tops of your water bottle and umbrella are sticking out, but who cares), and shuffle out the room right as Pollack is bidding you all farewell, just so you don’t have to look at Jungkook’s stupid, smug little grin on the way out. 

Faintly, you remember Pollack saying something about getting your partner’s contact information so you can start working, but fuck that. Jungkook knows your name. He can find you. If you must spend the entire semester communicating through Instagram DMs, then so be it. You’ve communicated with men in worse ways. Like through LinkedIn.

There’s a small seating area half a flight down from where your puny little classroom is, a few tables and a bench that wraps around the wall, posters splayed out on the corkboard to the right, staples littering both the board and the floor it rests above. Nobody ever seems to use this, despite the innumerable posters advertising everything from dance troupe shows to financial literacy talks, which makes it the perfect place for you to brood and gather your thoughts. It’s also in the direct opposite direction of the exit. So that’s good.

Taking your anger out on your personal belongings (as opposed to that bitchass smirk on Jungkook’s face), you begin to shove your umbrella and water bottle into the pocket of your backpack, fighting to nestle them amongst your other worldly possessions, like your pencil case and what looks to be a small nest of receipts at the bottom of the back. No wonder it’s so clogged up down there. 

If anything gives you a sense of control, it’s cleaning. One by one, you pluck out the receipts from your bag, nose scrunching up as you try to remember every purchase you’ve made in the past three months. Plus, one of these receipts is from when you bought some dryer sheets from CVS, so that means the five inches of actual information are also accompanied by three feet of coupons that expired two weeks ago. Ugh, what a waste. 

“Don’t look so angry, you’ll have to get used to seeing this face a lot.”

You look up from where you’ve been inspecting an old receipt from a midnight McDonald’s trip to find Jungkook standing in front of you, backpack hanging loosely on his bomber jacket-clad shoulder and that same stupid grin written all over his same stupid face. 

“Can I help you?” You drawl. Great. Now Jungkook can add “saw all her receipts” to the list of embarrassing things he’s caught you doing. 

“Can I help you?” Jungkook fires back with a scoff, blonde hair bouncing as he jerks his head flippantly. “Looks like someone needs to take an Accounting class or something.”

“I’m just doing some spring cleaning,” you sneer. It’s February. “What do you want?”

“What, no ‘Hello, partner’? ‘So excited to be working with you this semester’? I’m hurt,” Jungkook says, placing a hand to his heart as he shakes his head disapprovingly. “I thought we had something good, Y/N. Isn’t that why Pollack paired us up?”

You’re pretty sure she just likes watching the world burn. 

“Don’t flatter yourself,” you chide, knowing that Jungkook already must get enough of a kick out of just seeing the annoyed look on your face. 

“Please, like I even need to. You think I don’t notice the way you stare at me during class? I know you must like what you see,” Jungkook flirts, just to be extra irritating. 

While he’s stroking his own ego, you tear off a piece of that CVS receipt, one of the expired coupons for Three Dollars Off Any Shampoo or Conditioner, and scribble your number on the back. The rest of the receipts you scoop up and dump in the trash can to your right before you zip up your backpack and hike it over your shoulder. 

“Here,” you say gruffly, shoving the paper against his chest as you head towards the stairwell. 

“How forward of you, Y/N, you know you could have just asked—”

Pausing right before you turn the corner and head out the door, you turn back to look at Jungkook, already exhausted from having to interact with him for five minutes. “And when you’re done jerking yourself off,” you say pointedly, “text me.”

You storm out the door.

[February 13th, 1:24PM]

Unknown Number: guess who ;)

You: Wow I have NO idea You: Keanu Reeves?

Unknown Number: haha very funny Unknown Number: it’s jungkook

You: Damn shame You: You done jerking off yet

Maybe: Jungkook: what makes you think i’m not doing that right now ;)))

You: You don’t have the coordination to text me and masturbate at the same time You: What do you want

Jungkook: ouch, harsh Jungkook: can’t i just want to talk to my final project partner? :D

[February 13th, 2:17PM]

Jungkook: alright fine Jungkook: just wanna see when you wanna meet up

You: Guess I don’t have a choice do I

Jungkook: unless you wanna facetime

You: Is that an option?

Jungkook: how about friday at 3 Jungkook: in one of the greene gsrs

You: You think you can manage to reserve one of those?

Jungkook: watch me

[February 13th, 2:21PM]

Jungkook: [screenshot sent] Jungkook: done

You: Do you want a gold star for all that hard work you just did? All that manual labor? You: Fine. See you then.

Jungkook: miss you already <3

Y/N Y/L/N on February 12th at 10:29PM

I have to disagree with Jungkook. It’s obvious the movie is not going to have a happy ending because Tom is so obsessed with the version of Summer he has created in his head that he doesn’t even see who the real girl is anymore. It doesn’t have a happy ending not because they weren’t soulmates, or because their love wasn’t right. They break up because what Tom wants and what Summer wants are fundamentally different, and Tom just can’t accept the fact that Summer doesn’t love him the way he wants her to. In a desperate quest to keep her, though, he manifests this version of her and replaces the actual Summer with it, ultimately destroying their relationship. How could viewers ever have faith that Tom would eventually get his happy ending if the only proof of his commitment to relationships they have is him manufacturing a different girl to fall in love with?

Jeon Jungkook on February 13th at 7:35PM.

You make a good point, Y/N, but I think you missed the whole point of the movie. It’s not about their breakup or the not-so-happy ending or even Tom’s problems. It’s about the journey they go on and what Tom learns in the process. If you watch the trailer then you’d go into the movie knowing they weren’t gonna last. The results of whatever Tom and Summer do to contribute to their eventual breakup should not come as a surprise to the viewer. The whole point of the movie is that they spent five hundred days together and Tom is now recounting those days to anyone who will watch. And you know who’s watching? People who want to hear a story. About love. And loss. And everything in between. Isn’t that the whole reason we watch romance movies anyway?

Sometimes, you wonder if the garishness of Professor Pollack’s shoebox-sized office is the reason not very many students attend her office hours. The walls are lined with movie posters taken from a theater going out of business, the shelves stuffed to the brim with Disney World trinkets and old film memorabilia. She’s installed these thick red velvet curtains along her single window, making the whole room look like some sort of 1950s movie lair. 

In a way, you suppose it kind of is. 

You hear the taps of her Converse shoes as they come down the hallway and round the corner into the office.

“You know, Y/N, I was surprised to see you signed up for my office hours when I logged in this morning,” Pollack says as she enters the room, handing you the coffee in her right hand as she takes a sip out of the one from her left. Last year, the film department bought a Breville coffee maker with the leftover funds from a movie showing fundraiser and it is, in your humble opinion, the best investment the department has ever made.

“Why? I see you all the time,” you ask, eyebrows raised. You and Professor Pollack are not lacking in social connection. She’s written you a letter of recommendation and she knows your coffee order. 

“The very first time we ever spoke outside of class, you sat down at my Starbucks table while I was eating lunch just so you could introduce yourself and ask me about my opinion on the Mamma Mia remake,” she deadpans. “We don’t exactly speak through official forums.”

Well, she’s got you there. 

“I know…” you begin, trailing off awkwardly as you take a sip of your coffee. It’s burning hot and scalds your tongue a little, but it’s nice. It’s been cold recently. “But I just thought we could talk… privately.”

Pollack rolls her eyes as she reclines in her chair, back hitting the padding of the chair with a thud. “Goodness, I wonder what you’re here to talk to me about.”

“Okay, please pardon my French, but what the freak, Professor?” You say, because the words have been sitting hot on your tongue ever since you walked into your office and you didn’t think sending an email that looked like:

To: tpollack@university.edu From: y/n@university.edu Subject: what the freak

Dear Professor Pollack,

What the freak?????????

Cheers, Y/N

would be very professional on your part. 

Pollack lets out this honk of a laugh, loud and sudden, shaking her head fondly. “Come on, Y/N. You must have known I would have partnered the two of you up.”

“I was hoping you’d let us choose?” You emphasize. 

“And miss out on what very well may be one of the best final projects of the class, produced by my two best students of the semester? Absolutely not,” she says, smiling knowingly at you. 

Even her sudden reveal that you happen to be one her best students this semester isn’t enough to soothe your worries and calm your anger. You’re honored, but you have bigger problems. Problems that start with ‘Jeon’ and end with ‘Jungkook’. 

Pollack looks at your beaten-down expression and leans forward, placing her coffee cup on the wooden desk in front of her. “Listen, Y/N. You’re an excellent student and one of the most talented filmmakers I’ve seen in a long time. Your discussion posts are detailed, well-written, and thought-provoking. I know that the two of you will make a great project.”

You scoff. “We can’t agree on a single thing.”

“Sometimes that happens in life, and you just have to deal with it,” Pollack says sagely. 

“So I can’t change partners?”

“Not unless you’d like to fail the final,” Pollack comments, shrugging. How rude of her to say such a thing, not taking the option to change partners off the table entirely but making it so that if you do, you’ll pretty much be shooting yourself in the foot. Or worse. 

You narrow your eyes at her. “That’s low.”

“That’s life,” she corrects. 

“Ugh.” You get up out of your seat, taking angry sips of your coffee as you desperately try to think of another way to get out of it. Are doughnuts still an option?

“I have full faith that the both of you will come up with an excellent project,” Pollack says like it’s some sort of consolation as she walks you to the door to her office. Yeah, right. You and Jungkook spend your free time making snide responses to each other’s discussion posts like it’s nobody’s business. You’re probably the only two people at your entire university that care enough to make replies to each other’s replies. Like Tinder from hell. “You shouldn’t be worried, Y/N.”

“I’m not worried,” you say, completely worried. “I just—I don’t know how Jungkook and I will get along.”

Pollack grins to herself. Does she know something you don’t? Is she up to something? She looks at you as you linger in the doorway, feeling utterly helpless after a meeting that accomplished absolutely nothing, and she smiles. 

“You’ll find a way.” 

Reserving a group study room in the Greene Library and Collection should not be some gymnastics act that involves a warm-up, practice, a routine, and song and dance. In theory, all you have to do is log onto the library’s homepage, navigate to the reservations tab, enter your name and ID number, pick a date and time, and profit. 

Of course, the demand for the study rooms does tend to outweigh the supply. There are over ten thousand students at your university. And only twenty rooms. 

And still, you have the unfortunate luck of being stuck in one of them for an hour and a half with none other than Jeon Jungkook. 

You see him coming into the library at 3PM sharp through the opposite entrance, a little surprised he didn’t show up ten minutes early like he does in class, just so he would have an excuse to complain about having to wait for you. Feeling a little threatened, you pick up the pace so that you can meet his lengthy stride, keeping an eye on his direction so you know which room he’s aiming for.

You arrive at Greene GSR #18 at the exact same time.

“So nice to see you,” Jungkook says, too cheerful, as you reach out to open the door. 

“Mmm,” you mumble in response as you enter the room, flinging your backpack onto the floor by your chair with a thud as you take a seat. The faster you start, the faster you can get this over with.

Jungkook, not at all outwardly discouraged by your clear disdain for him, rallies on happily. “So, what were you thinking for the project?” But he doesn’t even let you open your mouth to answer before he says, “Oh, wait, let me guess: a social commentary on the consumerist ideals that underline every modern movie and encourage the pursuit of an empty dream by abandoning concrete career and personal goals in favor of romantic fulfillment.”

You scowl at him, even though that’s exactly what you were thinking of doing. You’re almost positive Pollack’s had enough of seeing college students try to engineer the craziest fake dating scenarios they can imagine just for a class project. Why not do something outside of the box? 

“Well, then what do you want to do?” You challenge, already bristling. Like Jungkook has a better idea. 

“Maybe something that doesn’t scream ‘killjoy’ as much as you do,” Jungkook retorts easily. He opens his mouth to spit out something else but then rolls his eyes and shrugs, shaking his head. “Forget it. I shouldn’t have even asked.”

“Don’t pin this on me,” you immediately rebuke, pointing at him. “You’re the one who wants to make some sort of generic rom-com for our final project. Besides, I’m pretty sure every idea you even think of will have been done already.”

“Just because something is cliche doesn’t make it bad,” Jungkook says. “I swear, I don’t think you understand what the word cliche even means. A cliche thing, by default, is something that lots of people like. Therefore, it is largely well-received by the general public.”

“Oh, then that must mean that all rom-coms are deserving of a People’s Choice Award then, right?”

Jungkook frowns, getting exasperated. You aren’t much farther off. “I don’t know why you’re being so—so resistant! You know that romantic comedies are supposed to be fun, right?” 

“They’re not that fun to me,” you comment snidely. 

“That’s because you’re a stick in the mud who takes everything way too seriously,” Jungkook replies like it’s some sort of known fact. “Have you ever even been in a relationship?”

“That’s none of your business,” you tell him firmly. Who does he think he is, going around asking that sort of thing? Especially to you! Like you could care any less about what Jungkook thinks of your love life. Intrusive, much? “Besides, you asking that is exactly my point. Not everything has to be about finding love and searching for your soulmate or whatever bullshit like that. Some people don’t really care that much.”

“You act like wanting to find love and wanting to be successful are mutually exclusive,” Jungkook points out. “You don’t have to abandon all of your life goals just to find love, you know. It doesn’t have to be the most important thing in your life for you to even care about it a little. It’s natural for people to want love.”

“Then I guess I’m just a robot.”

“You sure are acting like one,” Jungkook comments easily. “What, are you about to ask me to pick out all of the pictures with traffic lights?”

“I’m allowed to have my own views on love, just like you,” you say. Isn’t that the whole point of your discussion boards? A forum where you can discuss these sorts of things through an academic lens? A barrier that keeps the two of you from going at each other’s throats when you’re engaging in the class material? It doesn’t take a genius, or even half of one, to know that you and Jungkook can’t seem to agree on anything in your FILM395 class. 

Jungkook scoffs. “What do you mean, ‘your own views on love’? As far as I’m aware, your view on love is that you don’t have one! What do you even think love really is?”

You frown at him. “Does it matter?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says like it’s obvious. “This project is about filming a short romantic comedy, about people falling in love with each other. How do you expect me to do that if we don’t reach a mutual agreement on what love is?”

You scoff. “There is no way in hell I am going to agree with you on anything concerning love.” Jeon Jungkook still thinks love is all rainbows and sunshine. Cries at the end of Love, Actually even though he’s seen it five times already. Believes in soulmates. Believes there are people out there that were built for each other. He flutters from one person to the next like a butterfly, even though he’s more like a moth drawn to any open flame within a five-mile radius. He’s convinced he’ll find his true love here, in college, just like his parents found each other. 

Yeah, right.

“Then what are we supposed to do, huh?” He says with an eyebrow raised. “We have a month to make a movie that’s fifty percent of our grade.”

“The social commentary is still on the table,” you point out. Sure, it’s not at all a romantic comedy, but it’s about them, which Pollack said was totally fine. Besides, she has been teaching you the entire semester, hasn’t she? She should know by now not to expect some cushy lovey-dovey story about two people who were destined to be with each other and can overcome all obstacles with their love. 

Deep down, a part of you wonders if that’s why she paired you up with Jungkook. If she’s had enough of the sappy love stories that Jungkook probably wanted to do, didn’t want to see another cynical commentary on capitalism in Hollywood.

“Wow, what a thrilling idea,” Jungkook deadpans. “Please, tell me more.” His voice is lifeless. 

“Oh, shut up. It’s not like your idea would be any better. Who would we even get to star in a rom-com we filmed? It’s not like the two of us could do it.”

You regret the words the instant they come out of your mouth. In horror, you watch as they sink into Jungkook’s brain, etching themselves into his mind as a lightbulb turns on, a bright idea popping into his thoughts. 

He opens his mouth, but you get there first. “No. Whatever you’re thinking, absolutely not. I am not starring in a rom-com with you.”

That is something you can say with one-hundred percent confidence. Something that you know will never change. 

“Just hear me out,” Jungkook pleads, looking a little desperate as he wrings his hands together, aching to spill the bubbling plan that’s been stewing in his head. 

You narrow your eyes in suspicion but lean back into your chair, a silent signal for him to continue. It’s not as if you have any better idea.s 

“Okay. It’s not a rom-com. It’s a mockumentary,” he says, something that (and you can’t believe you’re saying this) actually piques your interest. Moreso than anything else he’s ever said to you. “You think love is totally manufactured, right? That Hollywood creates the illusion of it to sell to people paying twenty dollars for a movie ticket?”

“Yes.”

“Then let’s do that. Let’s prove it’s manufactured.”

“And how do you plan on doing that?” It’s not like you can walk into a factory and ask them to make the “love” emotion for you. 

“We’ll be the stars.”

He says it like it’s the most obvious thing in the world. Like it’s your best idea by a long shot, the home run of all home runs, your golden ticket to an A.

You scrunch up your nose, hesitant. “Wait, I don’t know—”

“It’s perfect!” Jungkook exclaims, eyes wide with excitement. “Think about it. It’ll be a mockumentary of a stereotypical rom-com. Except it won’t be this big Hollywood production, it’ll be real life. And it won’t be between two paid actors with years of experience under their belt, it’ll be us.” His eyes are practically bulging out of his head, big brown eyes glinting with excitement.

“So what are we gonna do? Act out our own rom-com in an attempt to see if either one of us will fall in love with the other?” You say, an eyebrow raised. 

Jungkook shakes his head. “Not necessarily. It’s a mockumentary, right? So it’s grounded in real life even if it is based upon the stereotypical boy-meets-girl rom-com. It won’t be super scripted or anything. Think of it more like… a chronicle.”

You scoff. “Of what?”

“Of us,” Jungkook says easily. “Of the time we have to spend together to film this damn project anyway. I say that rom-coms are emblematic of the natural human desire for love, and that deep down love is the thing that makes us happy. You say that rom-coms are consumerist propaganda, or whatever it is you think they are—”

“They are, and you can’t change my mind about that,” you interrupt, just for clarity. Can’t have Jungkook thinking he’s going to somehow convince you otherwise.

“—so, with this project, let’s see which one of us is right. If the time we have to spend together, making this mockumentary rom-com, will really change how we feel about each other, or if it won’t.”

How you feel about each other? You almost laugh when Jungkook says it out loud. There’s no room for questioning in your mind when it comes to how you two feel about each other. Two desperate-to-please students with opposite views on the entire structure of a class and three years of experience arguing your points in essays under your belts. 

Jungkook believes in destiny, right? Then he must know that the two of you are destined to never get along.

“You should be a car salesman,” you joke. Jungkook’s certainly excellent at pitches.

“So, you in?”

You narrow your eyes, still a little wary of whatever it is Jungkook’s putting down. But it’s not like you have any better ideas. And the sooner you agree on something, the sooner you can get this goddamn project over with and never have to sit in class with Jeon Jungkook ever again. 

“Only because this’ll finally prove to you that not everything can be solved by finding love,” you say. It’s about as good of a ‘yes’ as he’s going to get out of you. 

Jungkook grins, mischievous as always. There’s certainly something else he’s plotting, you just aren’t sure what. Maybe he’s in cahoots with Pollack. “Or,” he begins, lips curling upwards, “you’ll just fall in love with me.”

You scoff. “Yeah, right.”

“Well, then I guess we’ll just have to see, won’t we?” He holds out his hand, palm facing up as he waits for your response, that devilish glint that you hate twinkling in his eyes. 

As if you’re going to fall in love with Jungkook. For this stupid project? No way. Just because it’s a filmmaking project doesn’t make it any more bearable than your other assignments. It’s a partner project. They are, by their very nature, excruciating. You’ll be surprised if you end this project and you aren’t even more irritated with Jungkook. Does he really think you’ll actually develop some sort of affection for him?

You take his hand on your own, palm pressed against his, and you eye him carefully. Just because Jungkook’s got something up his sleeve doesn’t mean you don’t. Finally, finally, Jungkook will see why love is stupid and manufactured and fake. Why it doesn’t bring people together but instead tears them apart. 

Maybe then he’ll leave you and your discussion posts in peace.

You smile up at him. 

“I guess we will.”

When Ruby Rhodes is not six feet deep in The Princeton Review’s MCAT test prep book, she can usually be found at the small bakery five blocks west and two blocks north of your little campus, a family-owned place passed down through three generations. It’s her favorite place, and yours, too, because the coffee is delicious and the pastries are even better. 

Plus, hardly anyone from your school ever comes here, which means the wifi speed is eons better than the Starbucks inside the main food court. 

She’s halfway through a tiramisu and a rerun of The Bachelor from two seasons ago when you sit down across from her. 

“Any good?” You ask, pulling out your laptop and squeezing it onto the tiny marble table in between the two of you. 

“The food or the show?” Ruby asks over a mouthful of cake. 

“Either.” 

Ruby swallows down the piece sitting on her tongue before responding. “The tiramisu is delicious, and The Bachelor is eh. I’ve seen this episode three times already.”

“Then why are you watching it again?” You ask, laughing. Does Ruby think something different is going to happen?

“Because we’re in between weeks right now and honestly, The Bachelor is kind of dry this season,” Ruby says with a frown. 

“You’ve got some tiramisu on your cheek,” you tell her, pointing to the left side of her face where the bright mascarpone cream sticks out like a sore thumb against her dark skin. 

“It’s just so yummy, I can’t help but stick my whole face in it,” Ruby jokes as she wipes her face with the napkin on her lap. The Bachelor rerun plays on in the background, and you can hear the gasps of the women through Ruby’s discarded headphones. 

You roll your eyes. “Why do you even watch that show still? You know it’s all crap.”

“Just because you think it’s crap doesn’t mean I do,” Ruby insists, playing out an argument the two of you have had plenty of times over the course of your friendship. “Watching it makes me happy. So I do it.”

“But it’s all fake,” you say, frowning in disapproval. “The couples don’t even stay together in the end anyway.”

“It’s a totally pre-constructed show, but it’s not fake in the moment. And I don’t expect the final couple to stay together.” She shrugs nonchalantly. “Believe me, I’ve seen enough Bachelor seasons to know those odds. I just like watching the ride. It’s cute.”

“You say that about everything.”

“That’s because everything is cute,” Ruby says pointedly. “I like seeing the good in people.”

Ruby’s always been the exact opposite of you in terms of worldviews. The embodiment of a real-life fairy. She puts butterfly clips in her hair and buys herself bouquets of daisies and lilies. She sits in cafes with her headphones in and sketches the people she sees outside the window. She’s studying to be a doctor so she can spend the rest of her life helping others. 

And you? 

Well, the Oscars have always been a bit of a long shot. 

The curiosity eating at you, you pose a question to her. “Hypothetically, if there were to exist a mockumentary on rom-coms and love, would you watch it?”

Ruby pauses for a second as she furrows her brows. Then she shrugs and says, “Only if the two leads fell in love at the end. Why?”

“No reason,” you say, looking away. 

There’s no fooling Ruby and her eagle eyes. 

“What is it?” She asks, a grin playing at her lips as she looks at you. “Come on, you don’t just ask me shit like that without a reason.”

“It’s for a final project,” you explain succinctly. No need to go into details. 

“You’re making a rom-com for a final project?” Ruby sounds about as skeptical as you did when you spoke to Jungkook. 

“It’s a mockumentary about rom-coms.”

“But… it’s a rom-com, right? Like, you’re going to be making a rom-com? Where people fall in love?”

Hopefully not. 

“Sort of?”

Ruby squints her eyes, trying to process all the information. You’re not surprised that she has to take a moment to think—you are certainly the last person on earth to ever admit to filming a rom-com. But, as you’ve stated, it’s not a rom-com. It’s a mockumentary about them. That distinction is vital.

“Wait, is this for that class with Pollack?” Ruby asks. “I remember you telling me you were taking it. You said this was a partner project, though, right? So who are you working with?”

Curse Ruby and her knack for remembering things. She’ll make a great doctor, that’s for sure, but right now you wish she would just forget things like everybody else. 

You sigh. “Jungkook.”

Ruby doesn’t need to think twice about who that is. “Wait, seriously? You’re working with him? Isn’t he the guy that responds to all your discussion posts?”

“Yes,” you say, rubbing your temples with your fingertips. You don’t even like thinking about him, let alone saying his name. The fact that he has to occupy any part of your brain at all gives you a headache.

“Damn, that sucks,” Ruby says, not feeling very sorry for you at all. “So you’re filming a rom-com with him?”

“It’s a mockumentary,” you specify, feeling yourself getting irritated. “It is fake.”

“Just like my shows, huh?” Ruby muses to herself, too analytical for her own good. 

“Listen, you don’t need to fall in love to make a mockumentary about it,” you say, refusing to consider any sort of alternative. 

“Don’t you?”

You sneer. “Just shut up and eat your tiramisu.”

Ruby lets out a laugh at that, this wonderful mix between a wheeze and a honk that makes you smile every time you hear it, even if it’s at your own expense. Ruby decides she’s had enough of mentally torturing you with the thought of feeling anything but extreme distaste towards Jungkook and goes back to her show, letting you brood in peace. 

You don’t need to fall in love to make a film about it. Just like you don’t need to be a masterchef to film Gordon Ramsey screaming at someone who undercooked chicken. You’re a filmmaker. You can make a film out of anything. Including love. Even if it is with someone like Jungkook. 

Can’t you?

Jeon Jungkook may be a disillusioned college student in love with the idea of love itself, but at least he’s not too shabby of a filmmaker. 

Funnily enough, it actually sort of surprises you that you’ve never encountered each other before. Especially considering you’re in the same major program at your school, a program that only accepts about fifty students per year at most. You suppose that in whatever general program classes you had to take in freshman and sophomore year you just never crossed paths. Plus, he’s a filmmaking concentration and you’re doing screenwriting, so it’s very possible that you would have just never spoken had the two of you not registered for the same semester of FILM395.

Huh. Imagine that. A life without him. 

Sort of makes you wish you had put this class off for one more semester. 

As the two of you kickstart your project, you both immediately agree that you need a third person’s help. You and Jungkook can do plenty, but you are only two people. And there’s nothing in the final project guidelines that says you can’t enlist other people to partake in the production. But you don’t need help with the filming and editing. You need help with the interviews. 

“Is this bedsheet good enough?” Kim Taehyung, a senior in the film program, asks as he’s Command-stripping a queen-sized black bedsheet to an empty wall in the living room of his tiny one-bedroom apartment. 

“As long as it fits into the frame,” Jungkook responds from where he’s standing behind the camera, set up on a tripod to capture a specific angle. “You’re not going to be in the shot anyway. You’ll just be asking the questions.”

“Good, because I look really ugly right now,” Taehyung says with a grin. You roll your eyes. Taehyung must know he always looks good. Even you can’t deny him of that. 

“This is ridiculous,” you say, seated on the singular couch in his apartment. You’re leaning on your elbow as you watch Taehyung fiddle with the bedsheet and Jungkook futz with the camera, the two of them repositioning themselves over and over again until everything’s perfect. “What are you even gonna ask us?”

“I came up with some… preliminary questions,” Taehyung says suggestively. “But I haven’t told either of you what they are so that your reactions can be more genuine.”

“Great,” you deadpan. 

“Wow, someone’s excited,” Jungkook comments snidely. 

“I know we agreed on periodic interviews for the sake of the mockumentary but I don’t know why we have to be so… so serious about them,” you say with a frown. 

“We have to promise to be honest with what we say, alright? Like, actually honest. This sets a guideline for the rest of our relationship,” Jungkook says like it’s no big deal. Like the foundation of your relationship isn’t the fact that the two of you have been engaged in discussion-board war ever since the semester began. 

“Our ‘relationship’?” You say with a scoff. 

“Do you promise?” Jungkook says. 

You roll your eyes. “Yes, I promise.” Whatever. “What do you even think is going to happen between us in the next few weeks?”

Jungkook smirks. “Guess we’ll just have to wait and see, won’t we?”

You don’t like the sound of that. 

Over the next ten minutes, Taehyung gets the sheet attached to his wall and pulls over two stools from his kitchen counters, old-timey wooden ones he got from a thrift store for five dollars a pop, one for him and one for the poor soul who has to be interviewed. You’ve agreed to do them separately but Taehyung’s apartment is only so big and you are only three people, which means that whoever isn’t being interviewed still has to be behind the camera, listening to the other person. 

Makes you sort of nervous about whatever’s stewing up inside Jungkook’s mind. Wonder what the hell it is he’s plotting up there. 

Once everything is settled, Taehyung looks at the two of you as he asks who’s going first. 

You turn to Jungkook, who’s already grinning. “Ladies first.”

For someone who has spent their whole life watching and making movies, being in front of the camera feels weirdly uncomfortable to you. You’re so used to being behind it instead, directing others as they move around the frame, telling them how to feel and how to act and what to say, that having the spotlight shone on you is like picking through your thoughts with a fine-toothed comb. 

You adjust awkwardly in the bar stool seat as Jungkook stands behind the camera, twisting the lens until he gives you the thumbs-up. Quite frankly, it doesn’t make you feel any better. 

“You ready?” Taehyung asks as he takes a seat opposite you, just out of frame. 

“Well, we’ve gotta start somewhere, right?”

“That’s the spirit. Alright, Jungkook, start whenever you’re good.”

“Okay,” Jungkook chirps up. “Three, two, one—” He points to the both of you. 

“So, Y/N,” Taehyung begins, his voice suddenly much clearer. He sounds sort of like a news anchor. It’s oddly fitting. “Are you excited to begin the filming for this?”

“I don’t really have a choice, do I?” You muse. 

“That didn’t answer my question,” Taehyung points out. Good thing the camera can’t see the way his eyebrows raise. 

“I suppose that there are worse things I could be doing,” you reason, which is about as good of an answer as Taehyung’s going to get. What was he expecting you to say? That you were thrilled to be filming this not-a-rom-com with your class nemesis? That you couldn’t wait to see what would happen?

“Loving the enthusiasm,” Taehyung jokes. You wonder what your classmates will think when they watch this back, hearing this unidentified deep male voice ask you and Jungkook questions about your relationship. “Let me ask you this: what’s your current relationship with Jungkook?”

“Uh…” you begin, nervous. Behind the camera, Jungkook has that same stupid, shit-eating grin plastered all over his face. You sneer. “It’s… it’s professional.”

“Can you explain what you mean by that?” 

“I mean we’re classmates. That’s the relationship.”

“That’s it?” You can hear the skepticism in Taehyung’s voice, almost like he’s egging you on to say something more. 

“We’ve had some personal disagreements on topics discussed in class. But yes, we’re just classmates,” you elaborate slightly. It’s not as if anyone needs reminding of that, anyway. They all see your discussion board posts. 

“And how do you expect that relationship to change over the course of this project?”

“I don’t think it’ll change at all.” It’s the easiest answer so far. Requires no energy nor brain power for you to think about it. 

Taehyung nods his head in intrigue. “And why’s that?”

“Because this is a project for a class, not a life lesson.”

“Who says it can’t be both?”

You frown. “Whose side are you on?”

Five feet away, Jungkook laughs. 

Taehyung chuckles. “Alright, moving on. What do you expect from Jungkook over the next few weeks as you start working on building your relationship?”

“I hope he becomes less unbearable,” you say, though you suppose that’s more of a general life goal than one that’s project-specific. But it would be nice if he became a little more… palatable. Just so you don’t have to feel the urge to sock him in the face every time you speak to each other. 

“‘Less unbearable’, excellent,” Taehyung repeats. “Anything else?”

“Well,” you say with a shrug, not sure what else to say. What do you want from Jungkook? Obviously the two of you are about to embark on your own rom-com adventure, no doubt most of it his doing, but it’s hard to imagine that he himself (or you, for that matter) will change. If anything, the rom-com setting will just exacerbate the worst parts of both your personalities. Like some sort of curse. “I guess I just hope that the project goes smoothly.”

“I hope that it does, too,” Taehyung says with a smile. “Okay, last question.” Thank God. This interview couldn’t have been more than five minutes, but it feels like an eternity to you. “Do you think you and Jungkook will fall in love at the end of this?”

“No.” You don’t leave any room for hesitation. “I don’t.”

“Why not?”

“We’re very different people with very different interests,” you explain succinctly. You’re sure Taehyung will grasp that once Jungkook has his turn and answers all the same questions. “He can try his hardest, but some things are just meant to stay the way they are.”

“Okay, thank you, Y/N, that’s all. I hope you found our conversation illuminating,” Taehyung says, his cue for the camera to stop rolling. You and Taehyung both turn to Jungkook, waiting for his signal, letting out a sigh when Jungkook gives you a thumbs-up. 

“Thank fuck,” you say, hopping off of the barstool happily. You head towards the camera, ready to kick Jungkook off of it, because it’s your turn to stand behind it with an annoying look on your face as you react to every stupid thing Jungkook says. You find that you’re actually sort of looking forward to it. Being behind the camera is where you feel most at home. Making faces at Jungkook is just a bonus. 

Jungkook’s still grinning that same goddamn grin when you approach him, making you narrow your eyes. 

“‘He can try his hardest’?” Jungkook teases, voice all high-pitched to mimic yours. “Sounds like a challenge.”

“Ah yes, my mission in life,” you retort easily. Maybe goading him on isn’t the best course of action, but you’re so confident that you won’t change your mind you find yourself actually anticipating his efforts. “Think you have what it takes?”

“Believe me, I do,” Jungkook says with a devilish glint in his eyes. 

You roll your eyes and kick him off the camera with a shove, pushing him towards Taehyung as he waits diligently on that chair of his. 

“So, Jungkook, same questions,” Taehyung says as Jungkook gets ready in his seat, fixing the blonde strands of hair that curl around the side of his face, framing his cheeks. 

“What? That’s no fair, he got to think about all his answers,” you exclaim, positively indignant. 

“Don’t worry, Y/N,” Jungkook says, voice sickly smooth, honey falling off his lips. “I’ve actually been thinking about the two of us for a long time.”

You pretend to throw up on Taehyung’s hardwood floor. 

As Taehyung promised, he asks Jungkook the same questions. And, as predicted, his answers about as far away from yours as the sun is from Pluto:

“Are you excited to begin the filming for this?”

Jungkook grins. “Yes, definitely. I actually took this class after hearing from a friend that the final project was a lot of fun.”

Taehyung beams. That friend was him. No wonder he was so happy to sign onto helping the two of you. 

“And how would you describe your current relationship with Y/N?”

“We’re soon-to-be-lovers.” 

“How forward of you.”

“Isn’t that my job?”

You have to stop yourself from bursting out into laughter behind the camera and ruining the interview. At least he’s not hiding anything. You’ll give him that. 

“So I suppose you expect the two of you to fall in love over the course of the project?”

“Yes, that’s going to happen.”

“And you seem pretty confident when you say that.”

Jungkook smirks as he turns to the camera. Or, more accurately, you. “Confidence is attractive.” 

You shake your head back at him. 

The rest of the interview falls pretty much into the same vein as the first few questions. Jungkook is so brazenly determined and hopeful and optimistic it actually pains you in a way, watching him make all of these promises both to you and himself that this project is going to turn out the way he hopes it does. His answers remind you of his discussion board posts, always looking on the bright side of every movie you watch, always finding the silver lining, the light at the end of the tunnel. A movie could be total Hollywood crap, filled with cheating scandals and misunderstandings and betrayals, and Jungkook could still find beauty in it. 

It’s strange. 

For the sake of you not actually throwing up in Taehyung’s lovely apartment, you tune out the majority of the middle of the conversation, having zero desire to listen to Jungkook wax poetic about your non-existent relationship like he’s saying his wedding vows. Only when Taehyung finally remarks that they’re on the last question do you finally come to again, ready to turn the camera off as soon as Jungkook finishes his answer. 

“Jungkook, do you think you and Y/N will fall in love at the end of this?”

“I do.” Wow, what a shocker. “I do, because I hope that by the end of this Y/N will have opened her eyes to the beauty of love, and will find joy in the feeling as something that makes her feel happy and warm. I’m going to do everything I can to make sure the things we do together are meaningful. And even if we don’t last, I hope that her memories of us together will be ones she can look back upon fondly and be grateful for.”

You purse your lips together. If only it were that easy. 

“Alright, cut,” you say, voice distant as Jungkook thanks Taehyung for his time and hops off the bar stool. “Thanks, Tae.”

“Anytime, you guys,” Taehyung says with a grin. 

Jungkook comes over to where you’re standing, possibly to grab his camera and tripod but most definitely to rub his obnoxious personality all up in your face. 

“You really think you’re gonna get me to fall in love with you, huh?” You muse, an eyebrow raised as you look up at him. “Just so you can prove a point?”

“Believe it or not, Y/N, but I actually think that all people deserve the chance to experience love and that happens to include you, as well,” Jungkook responds easily. 

The words put a sour taste in your mouth. “You think I deserve it, huh?”

Jungkook nods, face solemn as he looks at you, gazing into your eyes with those big brown ones of his own. It makes you feel something unfamiliar. Like he’s reading right through your chest, into your heart. You don’t like it. “Everyone deserves love.”

“You guys are coming back, right? So I can leave the sheet up?” Taehyung interrupts after he’s moved both of his bar stools back to his kitchen counter. 

“Yeah, we’ll be back,” Jungkook answers quickly. “Thanks for setting everything up, by the way.”

“Of course. Plus, this is a good background for my nudes,” Taehyung says casually, like he’s mentioning what he’s having for dinner. “Looking forward to seeing you guys again.”

“Us, too,” Jungkook says. “Ready to go?”

“Only because it means I don’t have to see you anymore,” you retort pointedly, grabbing your backpack from where it sits on his couch as you head towards the door. 

“Just you wait, Y/N,” Jungkook says as you leave Taehyung’s building, one of those old-timey Victorian houses that was converted into a whole bunch of apartments. “You’re gonna see that I’m right.”

“Really? About what?”

“About us,” Jungkook says. You come to the stoplight, where Jungkook keeps going straight and you turn right. 

“Us?”

Jungkook grins as you turn in the direction of your own apartment. And, just as the light turns green, he says, “Just you wait. We’re gonna fall in love, you and me.”

If he says so. 

“Hey! Y/N!”

You whip your head around at the sound of your name just as you’re opening the door to your local Starbucks, wondering who the hell is calling out to you at nine-thirty in the morning on a Wednesday. 

As it turns out, you don’t have to wonder too much, because the moment your eyes adjust to the blinding sunlight coming from the east side of campus you see Jungkook hurtling towards you, heavy black boots stomping down on the pavement as he rushes to catch up with you. 

“Can I help you?” You ask, thoroughly unimpressed, as you pull open the door, looking at Jungkook heaving beside you as he holds the door open for himself. 

“Just glad I caught you,” Jungkook gasps out between breaths. “Figured this might make a good scene for the movie.”

“It’s a mockumentary,” you remind him easily, getting in the line. 

“Whatever,” Jungkook says. “What do you normally get here? I don’t really go to Starbucks often.”

“Whatever will give me the most caffeine for the least amount of money,” you retort. 

“How efficient,” Jungkook comments. 

“You know that’s how I like to be,” you tell him with a pointed look. 

Jungkook mumbles his acknowledgement as he fumbles around in his backpack, fishing through the large pocket until he whips out his Canon, holding it out in front of him like he’s a dad about to film an embarrassing shot of his child. You look down at the camera just as he pans up to you, a confused frown written across your features. Jungkook laughs. 

“Do you really need to do that here?”

“I’m not even filming,” Jungkook says with a smile, like he just pulled his camera out so he could look at your unimpressed face through a different lens. “Look, you’re up.”

You turn around to find that the woman ahead of you in line has just moved towards the pick-up side of the counter, so you shimmy over towards the barista, ready to get this over with so you can dart out of the Starbucks as soon as possible. 

“Just a grande Americano, please,” you request simply, fingers grasping for the wallet inside your coat pocket. 

“Me too,” Jungkook chirps up from behind you. The closeness of his voice makes you jump, and suddenly you become keenly cognizant of how he’s practically pressed up next to you as he leans over towards the counter. You catch a glimpse of the debit card in his hand. “Here.”

“You don’t have to pay for me, it’s fine,” you quickly say, holding out your own card to the barista. 

“No, it’s okay, I want to. Here.” Jungkook pushes your hand away as he tries to stuff his card into the reader. 

“No, I won’t let you. I’m a big girl, I can pay for my own coffee,” you rebuke, feeling yourself growing oddly defensive. 

Jungkook sighs from behind you. “Oh, come on, you can’t let me do one nice thing for you?”

“Will one of you please pay, you’re holding up the line,” the barista asks in a desperate tone, clearly too overworked and too underpaid to be dealing with two bratty college students like yourselves. 

Jungkook manages to shove his card into the reader before you get the chance to do it yourself, pushing you to the side as he verifies all of his information and takes his receipt. Next to him, you seethe to yourself, feeling a personal loss even though you just got your coffee paid for. It’s not about the money. It’s about your pride. Never in your life have you wanted to so badly pay for an overpriced Starbucks coffee. 

You and Jungkook mosey over to the other side of the counter, waiting for your identical drinks to be made as you try and calculate how much longer you have to stand in the same room and breathe the same air as Jungkook. Seeing him in class, on your discussion board posts, and for your arranged final project meetings apparently isn’t enough, so now he has to invade your personal life, too. 

“What are you doing?” You huff out angrily, turning to Jungkook even as he holds his camera out in front of him, filming the Starbucks. 

“Recording our first meeting, obviously,” Jungkook says like it’s some kind of no-brainer. Like you were in on that from the moment he called your name out on the street. 

“What do you mean, ‘our first meeting’?” You scrunch up your nose in confusion. “We’ve known each other since the semester started.”

“I know, but…” Jungkook trails off unhelpfully, but you pick up what he’s putting down regardless. Right. This is supposed to be a mockumentary rom-com. And rom-coms always start with an introduction. 

The barista behind the counter calls out Jungkook’s name as he places two same-sized cups down at the pick-up station. The cup is burning hot, even with the little cardboard holder wrapped around it like a leg warmer, so you immediately move over to the station up against the wall with all of the sugar packets and napkins and little green splash sticks. Jungkook joins you without question, whether it be due to the fact that he doesn’t come here very often or because he just wants to keep invading your space, you couldn’t say. Grabbing one of the wooden sticks, you tug the plastic lid off of the cup and give the coffee a swirl. Watching you, Jungkook takes the lid off of his as well. 

“Are you just going to copy everything I do?” You deadpan. 

“Not everything…” Jungkook trails off suspiciously, looking down into his coffee like the two of them are conspiring something. 

“What are you talki—”

Without warning, Jungkook slams half of his body into you, and without a lid or one of those little green sticks, the coffee sploshes over the side of his cup and drenches the front of your exposed hoodie, hot liquid burning through the fabric of the hoodie and the t-shirt you have on underneath. You watch in horror as Jungkook plays it off like an accident, feet fumbling around on the hardwood floor like he had just tripped. But he didn’t just trip. He dumped half of his Americano onto the both of your fronts. 

“Jungkook!” You say instantly, resisting the urge to scream because you’re in a public place but feeling your skin go as hot as the coffee against your torso as you look up at him, fuming. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry, I’m such a klutz,” Jungkook says, somehow able to regain his balance, hold his coffee cup, and film the whole adventure all at the same time. “That was totally my fault, let me help you with that.” 

The camera is from his perspective, which you suppose is about as real as it gets for something grounded in reality like a mockumentary, but in this position he’s able to make conversation with his eyes, big brown ones wide as he tries to signify what exactly he means when he purposely spills coffee all over the two of you. 

You get it. You’ve seen enough rom-coms to know why he just did what he did, but you still find your mouth agape as you stare up at him, smoldering and angry and a little shocked he would dare be so bold, especially in the middle of a Starbucks coffee shop. 

“For God’s sake,” you say with an exhausted sigh despite it not even being ten in the morning yet. Unable to form any other comprehensible words, you settle for just pulling out napkins from the dispenser and dabbing the front of your hoodie as Jungkook looks at you apologetically. You can’t even tell if he’s truly sorry or just putting on another one of his shows. 

“I feel so bad,” Jungkook says, and you calm yourself down enough to nod. At least he isn’t blatantly laughing. “Can I pay for dry cleaning?”

“You’re really gonna offer to pay for my dry cleaning?” You ask, an eyebrow raised. 

“It was my fault,” Jungkook admits. Now that you can agree on. 

You shake your head. “It’s okay. It’s just an old hoodie, it’s no big deal.”

“I’m still sorry,” Jungkook insists, and the more he says it the more you actually find yourself starting to believe him. Even if he did just spill coffee all over you. “Here, let me give you my jacket—”

“That’s not necessary,” you say as he shrugs off his backpack and begins to remove the bulky denim jacket he’s wearing, fabric worn and soft from years of use. “Seriously, it’s okay, it’s just a hoodie.”

“Yeah, but now you have coffee all over your clothes and you probably have class soon, right?” He says, an apologetic smile lacing his lips. He tugs off his jacket and holds it out towards you. 

“Jungkook, I’m fine, alright? I appreciate your concern, though,” you assure him. You throw away the last of the coffee-stained napkins in your hands and reach down for your backpack, which you had taken off your shoulders somewhere in the chaos. 

Jungkook rolls his eyes, almost as if he was expecting resistance, and leans over you anyway. His arms extend outwards as he wraps his enormous denim jacket over your shoulders, the fabric draping loosely over your body. The damn thing was big on him, so on you it practically eats you up. You stand there, silent, as Jungkook adjusts the jacket on your torso, pulling underneath the hood of your sweatshirt as he makes sure it’s snug across your figure. 

“There,” Jungkook says. 

“Thanks,” you say, a half grin playing on your lips. The gesture makes you wonder if Jungkook really was planning on giving up his jacket this early in the morning for the sake of your movie. “That’s nice of you.”

“I hope it makes up for the fact that you smell like coffee now,” Jungkook says, a hand coming up to rub at the nape of his neck. 

“I appreciate it,” you say. 

“I have class, too, so I have to go,” Jungkook says, hoisting his backpack on his shoulders as he tucks his camera away. “I’m sorry again! See you around?”

Like you even have a choice. 

“Yeah, see you around,” you say as Jungkook darts off just as quickly as he arrived, rushing out the door before you have the chance to change your mind and give him his jacket back. 

When he leaves you, you find yourself at a loss for words. You stand there, lips pursed, coffee cold, as the weight of his jacket rests heavy on your shoulders. 

It smells like him. 

You should have known he would do something like this. Spill coffee all over the two of you, offer you his jacket, dash off like Cinderella at midnight. Like the opening of the world’s worst rom-com. The start of what is no doubt going to be the most unbearable final project you have ever done.

Plus, the other thing it’s ensured is a second meeting. How else is he going to get his jacket back?

And you know what the worst part is?

This is only the beginning.

This time after FILM395 ends lecture for the day, it’s your turn to catch Jungkook lounging around after class. 

He’s lingering around the outside of the building, scrolling through his phone, a heavy leather jacket resting over a flannel that goes down to his knees and a baseball cap sitting firmly on his tuft of blonde hair. He’s obviously not paying attention to any of his surroundings whatsoever, because he doesn’t even notice you exiting out of the door he’s standing by until you say his name. 

“Jungkook,” you say, arriving in front of him. 

“Wha—oh, hi,” Jungkook says, jumping at the suddenness of it all. 

“Here,” you say, holding out his oversized denim jacket in between the two of you. “Thanks for letting me borrow it.”

“Oh, I didn’t know you were going to give it back so soon,” Jungkook says, looking a little surprised and… is he touched? 

“I was going to give it to you a couple days ago but I thought I should give it a wash first,” you admit to him. 

Instinctively, Jungkook brings the jacket up to his nose to sniff it. “Smells like lavender.”

“Yeah, it’s my detergent. Hope you don’t mind. It’s a little wrinkled—I let it air dry since I was worried it might shrink in the dryer.”

“Thanks,” Jungkook says, a genuine smile lacing itself across his features. It’s not one you see too often, and definitely not the kind of smile he usually flashes in your direction. Those are all so obnoxious, so full of himself. This one’s different. It’s appreciative. Kinder. Softer. In a lot of ways. “I was thinking, if you don’t have class now, do you wanna grab some coffee?”

You narrow your eyes. “Only if you promise not to spill it on me this time.”

Jungkook laughs, throwing his head back. “Okay, I got it. I won’t spill it on you.”

“Promise?” You prompt. 

“Promise.”

The walk to Starbucks this time is in relative silence, but neither of you seems to mind it very much. You aren’t dashing to catch up with each other and heaving snarky comments as you catch your breath. Jungkook even notices you shiver in the cool March breeze and wraps his jacket around you again anyway, although this time you make a mental note to make sure he doesn’t leave without it. Even though a lavender scent wafts off of the denim, it still smells a little bit like him. That boyish sort of aroma. You don’t think any detergent would ever be able to get rid of that. 

You and Jungkook both get americanos again because you’re predictable and creatures of habit, and Jungkook actually seems to quite like them. He pays and you don’t spend two minutes standing in front of the barista fighting over it. Jungkook seems so determined to pay the extra four dollars for your drink that you aren’t sure if it’s really worth arguing over it for the sake of pride anymore. What you and Jungkook put into making this project a success is what you’re going to get out of it. 

He picks one of the longer tables in the back of the study space, empty because it’s just after the lunchtime rush and most people have classes now, sets up the camera at one end, and you sit down at the other. 

“So,” you begin, not sure where to start because your coffee is too hot to take a sip from it. 

“So,” Jungkook echoes. 

Silence. 

You purse your lips in that awkward, I-don’t-know-what-to-say kind of way. “What do you want to do?”

Jungkook grins. “This is the part where we get to know each other.” 

“We already know each other.” You frown.

“Do we?” Jungkook poses, an eyebrow raised. “I mean, yeah, I guess we aren’t strangers, but I don’t know anything about you. Other than you’re a film major in a rom-com class who hates rom-coms.”

“I don’t hate rom-coms,” you object. “I just think it’s important to look at them from a critical lens.”

“Okay, whatever,” Jungkook says, shrugging you off. “The point is that we don’t know anything else about each other. Like, what’s your favorite color, for example?”

“Purple.” It’s an easy answer. You wore purple princess dresses when you were five, painted your bedroom lilac when you were ten, and still make sure to keep a purple highlighter in your pencil case now. “What’s yours?”

“Red,” Jungkook responds. 

“Cool,” you say, effectively ending the rest of the conversation.

Jungkook, sensing that same awkward silence, suggests something. “How about you ask me something now? We can go back and forth.”

You shrug. It’s not like you have anything better to do. “Alright.” You think for a moment, but then you have the perfect question. “Why film?”

Jungkook was clearly not expecting something so loaded, because his brows furrow, knitting themselves together as he begins to figure out a good enough answer. “Hmm,” he says, lost deep in thought. “I suppose the standard answer would be that I’ve always been interested in it, but I think I chose film because I want to be able to have the gift to tell other people’s stories. Being a filmmaker doesn’t just mean you stand behind a camera. It means you immerse yourself in the lives of other people to create something new. And… I don’t know. I guess I really like doing that.” 

You nod. 

For once, you understand him. Understand why he chose to major in film, why he chose to be in this tiny little program. Because there is so much out there, so much that you will never know, people you will never meet and things you will never see. And it’s a filmmaker’s job to make them turn into things you will see, people you will meet. Who knows the world better than the people who study it? The people who have devoted their lives to learning all its secrets?

“What about you?”

“Same as you,” you tell him. “Film is an art but it’s more than that to me. It’s a new way to look at the world. It’s several new ways to look at the world, depending on what kind of film you want to create and what kind of story you want to tell. I think it’s important to show people that all of the things they see in the media every day are not always reality. And that real people deserve to have their stories told, too. I don’t know. That’s what I think.”

Jungkook grins, a twinkle in his eyes. “Real people like us?”

“This project is different,” you insist. 

“I don’t think it is,” Jungkook says. “You said it yourself, we’re making this because it’s important to show people that the Hollywood entertainment they consume is not reality. This is. This is reality.”

You frown, kicking yourself in the shin because what was supposed to be a harmless conversation has now turned into an opportunity for Jungkook to try and convince you that you will, in fact, fall in love with him. You’ve dug your own grave and Jungkook was the one who handed you the shovel. 

“You’re not giving up, are you?” You say, shaking your head, flabbergasted. “Reality is the fact that this project is not going to make me fall in love with you. Nothing is.”

“Don’t be so sure about that,” Jungkook warns. “I’ve got a few tricks up my sleeve.”

“You mean like spilling burning hot coffee all over me?” You ask, an eyebrow raised, a grudge still held. 

“We had to start somewhere,” Jungkook defends. “And you seemed to understand what I was doing pretty quickly.”

“It’s not the worst thing someone’s done to me,” you concede, only slightly. “Besides, I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but throwing hot coffee all over me is not really a good way to start off your plan to get me to fall in love with you.”

Jungkook smiles. “All in due time, Y/N. All in due time.”

“I can’t believe Pollack actually paired us up together,” you say with a sigh. “You know she did it on purpose.”

“Of course she did.” It’s not really a surprise to either of you. 

“I met with her right after she announced our partners,” you tell him, “she said it was because she wanted to see what kind of project we would come up with. How we would address our… differing views on love.” That’s one way of putting it. A rather nice way, if you do say so yourself.

“Speaking of which,” Jungkook says, something suddenly flashing through his mind, “what do you really think about love? You know, other than it’s unrealistic and ruins people’s lives.”

“You make me sound like Ebeneezer Scrooge.” You frown at him. 

“I’m serious,” insists Jungkook. “Why are you so pessimistic about it? Have you ever been in love? Have you had bad experiences? You couldn’t have just developed this worldview over time.”

You scowl, feeling yourself getting defensive. “Well, maybe I did. Maybe that’s just what I think. Why do you care?”

“Because people don’t just hate love for no reason,” Jungkook exclaims. “Come on, there must be something.”

Your body stiffens. Who is he to be asking you this sort of shit? Why does he care so much? It’s not like it will have any effect on the outcome of your project. Not like you explaining yourself will change the way either of you look at the world. 

“What’s it to you?” You challenge. “Why do you love love so much? Have you ever fallen in love? Do you think it’s suddenly going to solve all of your problems?”

“I love it because I think it brings people real joy,” Jungkook answers simply. “It makes people happy and it’s beautiful. I love love and I’m not ashamed to say that out loud. I believe in it. I believe in love, and in destiny, and in soulmates. I want that. I think everyone deserves it.”

 You scoff to yourself. “You believe in soulmates?”

“I think we all have our people out there.” Jungkook nods. “Don’t you?”

You roll your eyes, arms crossed over your chest. This conversation has gone nowhere, and Jungkook looks as equally dissatisfied as you do. 

“I think love can make us do stupid things,” you tell him succinctly, if a little jaded. No need to say anything else. Your explanation is right there. “We’re just different, I guess. You and I.”

Jungkook blinks at you, eyes wide and a little desperate. Your conversation has remained stagnant and there’s almost nothing left to say. 

Almost. 

“Don’t you ever want to fall in love?” He asks, like it’s a last-ditch effort to get you to believe. 

You freeze. Let the words sink in for a moment. Before you push them out the door and toss them into the garbage. Just thinking about it gives you a headache. Puts a sour taste in your mouth. 

Quickly, you push yourself out of your chair and stand up, grabbing your coffee with one hand and your backpack with the other. “I have to go, sorry. I just remembered I’m meeting up with a friend to help her with a photography shoot,” you fumble out quickly, the legs of the chair screeching as you scoot them across the hardwood floor. “Oh, here’s your jacket, too. Thanks for giving it to me again. I’ll see you in class.”

You whip around and head towards the exit, and only when you’re outside of the Starbucks and passing by the window do you dare look back. Do you dare let your gaze drift back to Jungkook, who is sitting there like he still doesn’t understand you. Still can’t. 

You and Jungkook are final project partners and maybe, if you’re pushing it, acquaintances-slash-friends. But there are just some things better kept to yourself. 

We’re reaching the halfway point in this semester and, as you all know, I don’t do midterms. That said, I still want you to reflect on what you’ve learned, discovered, and thought about thus far in this class. What portrayal of love did you find the most realistic? The least? How have they changed the way you think about love, both from a personal and a film perspective?

Y/N Y/N on March 3rd at 6:08PM

Purely from a film perspective, I really did enjoy watching Juno. It was funny and raunchy and just the right amount of vulnerable. It certainly felt the most real. So far, no film in this class has topped it for me. 500 Days of Summer, on the other hand, was in my opinion extremely unsatisfying and left no positive impression. The ending was a bore and Tom had absolutely no spine. It was a shame, because the direction and production was actually quite good. 

I guess I’m starting to realize how real love is not pretty. It can make people just as sad as it can make them happy. Why don’t we show the sad sides of love, too? The sides where your room is covered with a pile of clothes because you can’t bring yourself to do the laundry? Where you cannot cook a meal because it reminds you of a breakup? Rom-coms are, obviously, not the most realistic. But why are there not more films that do cover what’s real? How can we love love if all we know is a lie?

Jeon Jungkook on March 3rd at 11:13PM

Of course, I thought The Big Sick did an excellent job of their portrayal of love, adult life, and the problems that plague us all in the twenty-first century. It was also just as emotional and touched on concepts of race, illness, and being in your twenties and having no idea what direction your life is going in. The Princess Bride, on the other hand, as much as I love it, I do think created a more circumstantial kind of love. Westley and Buttercup mostly fall in love because of their situations. But it remains a classic nonetheless. 

I’m satisfied with the way the film industry has produced rom-coms and handles love. The beauty of it is that love is different for every person who goes through it. It can bring the greatest joy and the most painful sorrow. We do not just figure out what love is by what we see on film. We see it in our real lives, in our parents, in our friends, in couples in coffee shops and cars and on sidewalks. We can love love because we want that joy for ourselves. Because we know that true love will be worth any heartbreak we endure. Is it not impossible for the portrayals of love in these rom-coms to not be real? The way everyone experiences it is different. The only way you can know what real love is, and what it is not, is if you fall in love yourself. 

Early on in your project development, you and Jungkook exchanged class schedules to optimize your productivity and skip over that stupid, terrible part of partner projects where you’re just going back and forth trying to pick a time that works for the both of you until you eventually settle on something ridiculous like eleven o’clock at night outside of the McDonald’s two blocks off of campus. 

It’s been working very well. Neither of you have adventurous-enough friends to invite you out on spontaneous picnics and restaurant dates that fuck with your pre-scheduled meeting times, and Jungkook already seems to have mastered the art of screaming your name when he catches you on the sidewalk so that you can film something. 

In fact, you’re actually beginning to wonder why you haven’t done this with all of your long-term partner projects. Send each other your schedules so that you can settle on a time in advance. No muss, no fuss. 

You and Jungkook are supposed to meet up again tonight, after the two of you are finished with all of your classes, to discuss what scenes you should be filming next. Edited down, you’ve already got about ten minutes worth of footage, but it’s mid-March and the project is due at the end of April. So you need to get this show on the road. 

The door slams shut behind you as you exit the business building, your film industry class having just ended a minute ago. You’ve got an hour to kill before your next class, just enough time to dash to the food court in the center of campus and grab something from the Japanese place in the back corner. You might even have time to browse the shelves in the bookstore if you’re fast enough. 

You round the corner to the main pathway through campus when a voice stops you in your tracks. 

“You’re just too good to be true…”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”

It’s not Jungkook. Instead, in the middle of the walkway are the Eighth Notes, one of the fifteen-thousand (you don’t know for sure, but if you had to estimate) acapella groups on campus. They’ve got mic stands and a table set up and everything. Maybe they’re promoting an upcoming show…? 

You almost breeze right by when one of them, the one in the middle of the group, points right at you, a lopsided grin lacing his features. You aren’t one to normally stop in the middle of a crowded footpath, but when, one after another, all six of the boys start pointing at you, you have no choice. 

“You’d be like Heaven to touch…”

“I wanna hold you so much…” 

“At long last, love has arrived…”

“And I thank God I’m alive…”

“You’re just too good to be true…”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”

Their voices are smooth like honey, warm and deep, romancing you through their mics as each one of them suddenly manifests a rose from behind them. Around you, people are starting to stare, gawking at you as they walk by. There’s even a small crowd starting to gather, and you swear you can see some people filming on their phones. The fact that this is happening in the busiest ten minutes of the day, as half the student body is walking from one class to another, isn’t helping. At all. 

The rest of them singing in the background, each one steps out from behind the set of microphones to hand you the rose, smiling their classic, old-timey smiles like those old jazz singers from the 1960s, until you’ve got half a dozen in your hands as they continue to sing. 

“But if you feel like I feel…”

“Please let me know that it’s real…”

“You’re just too good to be true…”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”

And then, suddenly, all of them are shutting their traps and turning to the left, looking down the pathway as the song begins again, but from one-hundred feet away. 

“I love you, baby, and if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night…”

Your mouth drops. At the other end of the walkway is Jungkook, one of those wireless microphones in his hand, grinning as he saunters down the path like a prince at a ball, voice sweet and thick as the words dance off of his lips. 

“I love you, baby, trust in me when I say…”

Your eyes lock from opposite ends of the path, Jungkook stepping closer with every beat the Eighth Notes gives him. It sort of feels like your impending doom and a wedding proposal, all at once. By now a rather substantial audience has gathered, lining the walkway with their phones out, filming Jungkook as he waltzes past them, occasionally turning to capture your gobsmacked expression. 

Every step that Jungkook takes makes your heart race something fierce, cheeks warming in embarrassment, trapped in your least favorite thing in the entire world: a public serenade. You can’t really do anything except look at him in shock, feeling his steady gaze resting firmly on your figure, looking right at you. Into you. 

“Oh, pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray…”

Oh, pretty baby, now that I’ve found you, stay…”

Jungkook, on the other hand, is clearly relishing in this. In the spotlight. In the music. Or maybe just in the fact that you’re on the receiving end of his over-the-top advances. His grin is wide as he takes those last few steps, microphone gripped neatly in his hand, the lyrics warm and weighty as they tumble from his lips. 

“And let me love you, baby…”

One final step and he’s right in front of you, staring into your eyes, letting himself bask in the look on your face. He produces a rose himself—cherry red, like his favorite color—and holds it out in between the two of you. In the background, the Eighth Notes go quiet, leaving Jungkook on his own for the final line. 

“Let me love you…”

The words drift above your heads, disappearing into the sky as he lingers on them, on that last note, beaming down at you. He looks at you, so hopeful, so happy, so endeared, and what else can you do? What else, besides taking the rose from his hand and smiling back up at him? Who are you to deny him of that?

The crowd around you cheers when you do, applauding both Jungkook and the Eighth Notes, with whom he is apparently in cahoots, before they all decide that they ought to get on with their day and head to class. No doubt you’ll be on several dozen Instagram stories by nightfall. 

Only after everyone has dispersed do you notice Taehyung, who must have been here since the beginning, because he’s just turning off the camera dangling from his neck. Of course Jungkook got him to film. Other than your project, what else would this be for?

“Is that the best you can do, Jungkook?” You smirk up at him, only saying this because you can’t have him knowing that you actually kind of enjoyed it. 

“You’re still here, aren’t you?” Jungkook responds easily. “Thought I would do something spontaneous.”

“And now you’ve taken up ten minutes of my lunch,” you say, shaking your head to yourself. “How spontaneous, indeed.”

“How was that, Jungkook?”

Behind the two of you, the Eighth Notes are packing up, clearly more than happy to have aided Jungkook on his quest for so-called love and getting to promote their group in the process. 

“Great, thank you so much, Jimin,” Jungkook says to the one in the middle, the very first one to sing when you walked out of the door. 

“Anytime, dude. Glad we could help,” Jimin responds. He waves hi to Taehyung, too, as they store their microphones and go on their way. 

Jungkook bids them goodbye as they head down the path, smiling at all of them before he turns back to you, notices the distant, faraway look in your eyes as you twirl the rose between your fingers, press it to your nose to pick up its scent. 

“You gotta admit, I’m a pretty good singer, eh?” Jungkook says with a nudge to your shoulder. 

“You’re alright.”

Jungkook laughs to himself. “I think that’s the nicest thing you’ve ever said to me.”

“Don’t get a big head,” you warn. 

“Think I’ll have to sing for you more, now, hmm? Since you liked it so much?” He suggests, eyebrows wiggling. 

You roll your eyes. “Only if you can get Jimin and the Eighth Notes to back you up, again. Then maybe I’ll allow it.”

Jungkook grins. He’s far past the point of being deterred by your deadpan comments. If anything, they only encourage him more. But you, for obvious reasons, cannot give in. At least, not yet, anyway. 

“Okay, go eat your lunch,” he says, nodding as you begin to part ways. “I’ll text you later, okay?”

You smile. “Okay. See you.”

“See you, too.”

The moment you get back to your apartment you put all seven roses in an old vase filled with water. They brighten up your bedroom instantly, soft scent freshening up the air. And when you go to bed that night, it is to Jungkook’s sweet, delicate voice, like walking on clouds, like satin and silk, that you fall asleep.

“Good morning, Y/N,” Jungkook greets like always, smiling at you as you walk in the door for FILM395. 

“Good morning, Jungkook,” you say in response. 

Then, you take a seat right next to him. 

It’s an act that clearly catches everyone off guard, if the bewildered looks of your fellow classmates and Jungkook’s confused expression are anything to go by. Even Pollack, when she walks through the door, gets a bit of a shock, eyes widening when she sees the two of you seated next to each other. 

You suppose all the fuss is understandable. After all, you both sort of hate each other. 

Other than the sudden change in seating arrangement, however, the rest of the class goes off without much issue. Pollack lectures for an hour before you move into discussion, at which point it becomes a class participation free-for-all, with you and Jungkook almost definitely in the lead. Just because you’re now sitting next to each other doesn’t mean either of you are suddenly going to stop raising your hands to rebuke each other’s points. Some things never change. 

Sitting next to Jungkook is not as bad as you thought it would be. For one, he is, for the most part, a rather diligent student. Other than his occasional flicks to his email, an essay he’s working on, or your discussion board, he mostly sits and takes notes and doesn’t do anything else. That, you can at least give him credit for. And even though your elbows almost always nearly crash into each other’s when you’re raising your hands to respond to a point Pollack’s made, discussion isn’t so bad either. 

One of the perks of sitting directly beside each other is that whenever he says something stupid, or saccharine, or just overly unrealistic, you don’t have to just roll your eyes from the back of the classroom while you wait to be called on. You also get to kick his foot with your own, nudge your elbow into his side. And he does the same to you. You and Jungkook are like those neighbors in sitcoms that spend all their free time shouting at each other from opposite windows. Just because your seats have gotten closer doesn’t mean your viewpoints have. 

A notification pops up on your laptop.

[March 17th, 11:05AM]

Jungkook: wanna meet at the tables outside after class?

You look over at Jungkook with a frown.

You: Why are you texting me? We’re sitting right next to each other

Jungkook: because we’re in class obvs Jungkook: dont wanna be disruptive

You: Since when has that ever stopped you before?

Jungkook: haha very funny Jungkook: tables sound good?

You: Only since you asked so nicely :)

Jungkook: thoughtful as always i see

After class, you and Jungkook both hang around, waiting for each other to pack up your belongings so you can walk to the tables together. Everyone else seems to sense this weird, uncomfortable tension in the room, because they all book it out of the door much faster than either of you do. You’re almost convinced Jungkook purposely takes extra time to zip his backpack, just because. 

The tables are, as per usual, empty. But you don’t have a pile of receipts to spread out, this time. You and Jungkook take a seat at one of them as you pull out your laptops, ready to outline the rest of the project. 

“We should probably meet with Taehyung a couple more times, too,” you suggest as you begin to brainstorm. 

“Sounds good,” Jungkook agrees. “But we can’t meet at night on weekdays anymore. My dance group’s show is coming up and we have practice then.”

You stop typing and turn to him. “I didn’t know you were in a dance group.”

Jungkook shrugs, like it’s no big deal. “I don’t really talk about it that much.”

“You should.”

He looks up at you at that, eyes wide as he faces you. 

“I don’t know, it seems like something you should be passionate about,” you say. In the same way that you promote the Film Club to every freshman you know, force all your friends to mark that they’re Interested in your event pages on Facebook. Jungkook should want to tell everyone about his dance group. Doesn’t he love it? Isn’t he proud to be in it?

Jungkook doesn’t look like he knows what to say to that. So he doesn’t say anything at all. 

“We can meet on weekends too,” you say, adjusting to his new change of schedule easily. “This project isn’t as all-consuming as I thought it would be.”

“You mean I’m not as all-consuming as you thought I would be,” Jungkook corrects. 

You shake your head. “No, you are.” He laughs. “But yeah, on weekends is fine. You know my schedule. What else should we do, besides talk to Taehyung?”

It’s like a lightbulb goes off above Jungkook’s head. “Let’s go on a date.”

You narrow your eyes at him. “No.”

“What do you mean, “no”? It’s the natural progression of our relationship! It’s the next step in the rom-com! We have to,” Jungkook insists. 

“First of all, it’s a mockumentary, not a rom-com,” you say with a sigh, finding yourself having to correct him rather frequently. “Secondly, we are not in a relationship. I am not dating you and you are not dating me.”

“Okay, but at this point in rom-coms the two leads would definitely go on a date,” Jungkook says, punctuating every word for emphasis. “What’s the harm? It’s not like you’re committing yourself to a future with me.”

“Thank God,” you mutter. 

“Oh, shut up. You probably haven’t been on a date in years, anyway. Why not spend a night out?”

You frown at that. “Who cares if I have or have not been on a date?” Why does Jungkook care so much about the history of your love life? He’s always saying stuff like this, always telling you things as if you’ve never been in a relationship at all, don’t know left from right, black from white. Who is he to be making those assumptions?

“Please, Y/N,” Jungkook begs, looking desperate. “Just one evening. And then if it really goes terribly and you end up hating me again, then we don’t have to do another one.”

You sigh, shoulders slumping. Well, what else are you going to do? You don’t have any other ideas. And you’ve already spent so much time with Jungkook this semester, what’s another evening? Just something else to cross off of your list of things to film. Maybe you can get him to take a cute photo of you to post on social media. 

“Fine,” you concede. “One date. And I still hate you, by the way.”

Jungkook clearly does not believe you. “Really? You still hate me? I’m sure you do.”

“Okay, I don’t hate you. But still,” you relent again. Perhaps you’re just being oddly soft today. Too lenient for your own good. 

Jungkook grins, cheeks little round circles as his lips curve up. “I know you like me. You just can’t admit it to yourself, can you? Can’t take that blow to your dignity.”

“Don’t think so highly of yourself,” you chide. 

“Who knows?” Jungkook tacks on, just to be extra annoying. “Maybe you’re actually starting to fall in love with me.”

You scoff. “You wish.”

“Well, are you?”

Jungkook doesn’t ask the question the same way he’s asked all of the other ones. Doesn’t say it with a shit-eating grin on his face or that glint in his eyes. He’s asking because he’s curious. Curious if what he’s been doing has been working. Curious if this project is really accomplishing anything at all. 

Funnily enough, you find yourself wondering the exact same thing.

Silent, you pausing for a moment to think, chewing on the inside of your lip. Jungkook’s looking back at you, lips curled upwards as he waits for a response. Ugh, you’ll just have to give it up. What else can you say? “I guess…” you begin, hesitating. 

You aren’t sure why you’re so scared to respond. Maybe you’re just worried that things will change if you say something. If you tell him the truth. 

But it’s just Jungkook. He’s sitting in front of you patiently, waiting for your answer. What could happen?

You confess. “I guess you’re not so bad after all.”

Even though this is not the first time you’ve ever been out on a “date” (you’re using that word tentatively), picking out what to wear isn’t any easier than the last time. 

“Is black too, you know, sexy?”

Ruby shrugs on the other end of the video call. Her phone is propped up on her desk as she works on something on her laptop, glancing over every now and then whenever you prompt her to respond. “Well, that depends. Do you wanna fuck?”

“No.”

“Then it might be too sexy,” Ruby says easily. “What are you even doing? I thought you didn’t go out on dates.”

“It’s not a date,” you insist, although you’re not exactly sure which of the two of you you’re trying to convince. 

“You’re asking me what kind of sexy dress to wear for a night out with a guy. It’s a date,” Ruby reminds you, economical as always. “Who are you even going out with, anyway? You just called and asked me to pick between two dresses I have literally never seen you wear before.”

“That’s because I don’t go out on dates, which this is not,” you tell her, even expending the energy to stare into the camera to hammer your point home. “And it’s with Jungkook.”

Ruby shuts her laptop at that. You can hear the sound of her keyboard clacking as the lid hits them. “I’m sorry, what?”

“Do I need to remind you that this is not a date and therefore, you don’t need to be acting like I just told you I’m getting married.” You frown at her. “It’s just for our movie. Jungkook wants me to dress nicely, though.”

“Wear that nice summer dress you have,” Ruby instructs instead, shooing away the two much sexier options you’re currently holding in your hands. “Just put tights on underneath if you’re cold.”

“This one?” You ask, shuffling through your closet until you produce the gingham dress, plaid a pale yellow that matches gold jewelry rather well. 

“Yes, that one. I like that one,” Ruby says with a nod. “You look good in it.”

“I don’t know, I feel like it’s not appropriate.” You hesitate. It’s a cute dress, sure, but it seems too… casual. Too everyday. Jungkook’s taking you out to dinner, and no doubt he’s got something else planned for the rest of the evening. 

“I mean, you did say you had no plans on fucking him tonight,” Ruby reminds you coarsely. 

“I have no plans on fucking him at all,” you reiterate. “This is not a date. It is for our movie.”

“Yeah, yeah.” Ruby brushes you off with a wave of her hand. “Wear whatever you want, but I like your yellow dress the most. It looks really nice on you. And if it’s not a date, then neither you nor Jungkook should care.”

“Ruby—”

“I gotta go. Enjoy your not-date!”

She hangs up. 

You end up wearing the yellow dress. Jungkook knocks on your apartment door just as you’re closing the clasp to your necklace, a gold choker your mother had gifted you for a birthday a couple of years ago. It’s nothing much. You grab a jacket on your way to answer the door, wrapping it around your figure as you twist the knob. 

On the other side is Jungkook, all decked out in black jeans and a clean-cut leather jacket, the black ensemble striking against his warm-toned skin and bleached, blonde hair. You hate to admit it, but he actually does look rather good. For Jeon Jungkook. 

“Hi—whoa,” Jungkook says, doing a little whistle when he sees you, eyes bulging out of their sockets. 

You chuckle. “‘Whoa’ yourself.”

“You, uh…” Jungkook stammers slightly, a hand coming up to rub at the nape of his neck. The movement lifts his arm up just enough for you to see the line of his waist, the seamlessness of his body. He’s always been rather fit. “You look nice.”

“Don’t sound so surprised,” you chide, stepping outside and pulling the door shut behind you. “You don’t look half bad yourself.”

“Cleaned up just for you.” He grins. 

You press a hand to your heart dramatically. “I’m touched.” You begin walking down the hallway of your small apartment building, feeling your hands brushing by your sides due to how skinny the corridor is. At least, that’s what you assume. 

“Where are we going?” You ask as Jungkook opens the door to the passenger side of his car for you. 

He winks, that same gleam in his eye. He grins something wicked. “Don’t you remember?” He asks. “It’s a secret.”

The secret turns out to be a small Italian restaurant on an off-road in the center of town, a family joint with those plaid red tablecloths and dark wooden chairs. You’d never heard of the place before tonight, but Jungkook insists that it’s delicious and says it has a four-and-a-half star rating on Yelp, which is obviously gospel when it comes to restaurants. It’s so empty that he even has room to prop up the camera a couple of tables away to get that wide-angle shot of the both of you, two souls in a tiny little restaurant, enjoying a night out on the town. You’re sure that by the time production and post-production rolls around you’ll edit out most of your dialogue, but you like the idea of keeping in snippets of the audio, overlaying the scene with a soft instrumental. 

From a director’s point of view, of course. No other reason to romanticize your night with him. 

It’s nice. Objectively, it’s definitely one of the more exciting things you’ve done in a while, even if it’s just a dinner out in town, away from campus. It’s new. Adventurous. Jungkook convinces you to try his vodka shrimp linguine and you offer up some of your truffle-flavored gnocchi, which he devours happily. One thing you do learn is that no matter how much time passes, no matter how much food is on his plate, Jungkook eats and eats and eats. He never seems to fill up. This is one of those restaurants that pile your bowls high with pasta, give you at least three servings, send you home with to-go packages that will last you for days, and he still somehow manages to eat every last bite. He even has some of your leftovers. 

Jungkook pays because he insists and says that you shouldn’t fight on camera, which you have no choice but to agree to. However, you do look him up on Venmo and send him twenty dollars to cover your half of the bill, because the idea of him paying for you doesn’t sit right with you. It was fine with the coffee, a small token of repayment after spilling it all over you, but dinner just feels like too much. Like he’s carrying most of the weight and you aren’t shouldering enough. Like he’s putting in all of the effort and you are just bandwagoning off of him. 

And partnerships aren’t supposed to be like that. Jungkook isn’t supposed to do all of the work. You aren’t supposed to do nothing. You and Jungkook may not agree on much but you both know that you are equals. That what you put in is what you get out. 

It’s a lesson you think you learned too late, but you won’t make those mistakes again. You’ll get it right this time. 

“That was nice,” Jungkook says after the dinner. You’re walking through the park just across the street now, the sun having set and the streetlamps illuminating your path. The city has strung up lights along the trees, draped them over the branches like stars, like snowflakes. It’s picturesque. 

“Yeah.” You nod. “Thanks for taking me.”

“Thanks for coming.”

“How did you discover that place?” You ask, just out of curiosity. It’s not exactly the kind of restaurant that would be front and center on Google. 

“I went out on a date in freshman year there,” Jungkook admits, lips pursed awkwardly. “Yeah.”

“Did it at least go well?” You ask, trying to be hopeful. 

“If it did, do you think I’d still be here doing this with you?” Jungkook poses, an eyebrow raised. 

You chuckle to yourself. “You don’t mean that. I’m sure you’ll find your person.”

“You actually believe in that stuff now?” Jungkook asks you, skeptical. 

“I don’t know,” you say, shrugging your shoulders. “You do. I don’t wanna ruin it for you. Your person’s out there somewhere.”

“How do you know I haven’t already found my person?”

You stop in the middle of the path, feet coming to a halt on the pavement. Jungkook looks at you and you look back at him, letting his question sink into your skin, etch itself into your thoughts. He’s asking you because he wants to know. He looks so genuine, so patient, like he’s trying to find an answer somewhere in your eyes but you can’t give him one. 

“Wouldn’t you be able to tell when you did?”

Jungkook sighs. “I don’t know if it always works like that.”

You smile, soft and small. Musing, you say, “well, when you figure it out, let me know.”

“Do you think you’ve found your person?” Jungkook asks you. 

“You know I don’t think about love like that,” you remind him. 

“Well, how do you think about it?”

You gaze up at him once more, that same soft smile playing on your lips. Who is he to be asking you these questions, you wonder to yourself. What would the point be in answering him? It’s better if you just both moved on. Especially since stuff like this has no relevance to your project. 

“I don’t really think about love at all,” you say curtly. 

“I wish you did,” admits Jungkook. 

The look in your eyes is distant. “Yeah.” You wish you did, too.

“How about we do a couple of quick shots, right here?” Jungkook suggests, pulling out the camera. “Just here, the lighting’s nice.” He jogs back a couple of feet, lining himself up with where you stand, kneeling on the pavement with the camera held up to his eye. 

“What do you want me to do?” You call to him, feeling like a fish out of water in front of the lens, thumbs twiddling. 

“Just smile,” Jungkook requests simply. “Say hi to me.”

Sounds easy enough. Under the twinkling lights of the trees, in the haze of their warm yellow glow, you wave to Jungkook, smiling happily. You aren’t exactly sure what the purpose of these shots are, but you suppose you could always use some artistic frames in your movie. Grinning, you keep your eyes trained on him, on the way you can see him smiling back at you even from behind the camera. His eyes are covered, you can’t see those, but you hope they’re smiling too. 

“Okay, my turn,” you say when a little too much time has passed, when it’s just past the point of filming for the sake of a movie and more for the sake of something else. “Get over here.”

“Me?”

“Yes, you idiot.” You scurry over to Jungkook, taking the camera from his hands and pushing in in the general direction of where you were just standing. Situating yourself, you kneel right where Jungkook was, bringing the camera to your eyes. 

Through the lens, you can see the entire width of the pathway, the grass that borders it, the lights decorating the branches of the trees, and Jungkook, front and center. He looks like he has no idea what he’s doing there, waiting awkwardly as he gazes around, eyes drifting everywhere but exactly where you need them: you. He looks good like this, looks much taller, much more romantic. Like a real movie star. Like a model. His clothes make him blend in with the darkness of the night but his eyes are still shimmering, golden flecks twinkling, even from all the way over here. 

You have to admit it. He’s beautiful.

“Smile,” you say, pressing film. 

Jungkook grins your way. 

Afterwards, you give him his camera back and continue walking, turning the corner as you reach the edge of the park, ready to circle around the perimeter.

“How about we hold hands, too?”

“Excuse you?” You say, an eyebrow raised. 

“Come on, just for a second,” Jungkook pleads. “For the artistry. I’ll film us holding hands like all those Los Angeles boys do in YouTube vlogs.”

You look at him suspiciously. Is he sure it’s just for the artistry? “What a great example.”

“Please? Promise I always put hand cream on,” Jungkook asks, bottom lip turned outwards. 

It’s getting harder and harder to say no to him. 

“Fine,” you cave rather easily this time around. “Just for a minute.”

“Excellent.”

Jungkook lifts the camera up to his eye with his right hand as he holds out his left, palm facing the sky as he waits for you to rest your own in his. You narrow your eyes to the camera before your gaze drifts downwards to his open hand, almost like you’re afraid it’s going to jump out and bite at you if you get any closer. But it won’t, because it’s a hand. And it won’t, because it’s just Jungkook. 

The first thing you realize when your fingers intertwine with his is how big his hands are. They are massive. His left one dwarfs your own, wrapping around it securely, enveloping it like a king-sized comforter. The second thing you realize is how soft they are (he must not have been lying about the hand cream). The third thing you realize is the way they send sparks up and down your body, send tingles through your skin, shocks through your veins. You seize up a little bit at the feeling before your body finds it in itself to relax, letting the sensation wash over you like a wave from the ocean. 

It’s new. 

It’s strange. 

You haven’t felt that way in a long time. Felt those sparks, those jolts of energy. Like lightning has struck. 

Jungkook moves so that your hands are held out in front of you, making sure to adjust the lens just so he can get the exact right angle, but all you can focus on is the way your fingers interlock, the way your hand settles into his. 

You wonder what that means. 

The moment Jungkook lowers the camera you pull your hand away, overwhelmed and scared and shocked all at once. Like you’re afraid that if you reach out to him again, your whole body will freeze in place, shake like the wind. 

Jungkook looks at you, concern lacing his features. “You alright?” He asks, genuine and worried. 

You shake your head, willing those thoughts away. “I’m fine, I’m fine. You get the shot?”

“Yeah, I did,” Jungkook says. 

“And how do they look?” You ask because you can’t help yourself. Because you just have to know. 

Jungkook pauses, not sure how to respond. He chews on his lips like he’s running through all the possible answers, trying to figure out which one is right. You almost think he’s not going to reply at all, but then he smiles, and he says this: 

“Magical.”

It feels weird for you to be arriving at Kim Taehyung’s door without Jungkook by your side. Doesn’t sit right in your stomach. 

Of course, Taehyung is as hospitable as always, welcoming you inside with his signature warm grin as he sets up the bar stools by the bedsheet, which you assume he will just not take down until your project’s over. Hopefully he’s getting use out of it otherwise, shooting nudes or whatever it is he said he would do. 

“Thanks for having me,” you say, resting your backpack against the foot of his couch as you set up the tripod, arranging it in just the right spot. It’s not Jungkook’s fancy camera that you’ve got with you, just your own from a couple years ago, but it’ll get the job done. You couldn’t ask Jungkook to borrow his, anyway. You’d pass away before he found out you did this. 

“We might not use this footage,” you warn in advance. “I just figured it’s safer to film everything just in case.”

“Why wouldn’t you use it?” Taehyung asks, genuinely curious. 

“Because I don’t know if this conversation will really have a point,” you say nervously, fingers fidgeting with the settings until everything’s just right. 

“I’m sure it’ll be important,” Taehyung assures you. You’re not so confident. “Ready to get started?”

“Yes, everything’s all set up,” you say, concentrating on your breathing as you make your way to the stool. Inhale, exhale. Inhale, exhale. Why are you so worried?

“So, Y/N, how are you feeling right now?” Taehyung begins. 

You sigh. “Confused.”

“And why is that?”

“I… I don’t really know what direction I’m going in anymore for this project,” you say, letting yourself be candid and honest because it’s just Taehyung, and because you may not even use this footage, and because Jungkook’s not here. He doesn’t know you’ve asked Taehyung to do this for you. He doesn’t need to. 

“And is this because of Jungkook?”

“Yes.” Another easy answer. 

“How are you feeling about him?”

“I’m…” you don’t know where to begin. “I’m not sure. I just know that something’s changed.”

“Your feelings have changed?” Taehyung isn’t reacting, just asking questions in response to your answers and pretending that everything is normal, that this is just another interview. 

“I guess they have,” you admit. Even just saying that feels like a weight off your chest. A small one, five pounds out of a thousand. But it’s a difference. “I… don’t really know how I feel about him anymore.”

“In a good or bad way?”

Taehyung told you he would ask tough questions, but you don’t know if you can answer these anymore. 

“I don’t know,” you say, feeling yourself growing desperate with impatience. “I don’t feel the same things about him that I used to. He’s different to me now.”

“Do you think he’s changed?”

“Something has.”

“Have you considered the possibility that maybe you’ve changed, too?”

You frown, caught off-guard by his question. No, you haven’t. You haven’t thought about that at all. Why would you? Your stance is the same. Your opinions on love haven’t changed. And neither have your convictions about this project, about the way it will end. 

“No,” you say, nose scrunched up. 

“Well, I’m no expert, but I think there might be something between the two of you that wasn’t there before,” Taehyung says, nodding. “I think that the ways the two of you have changed have brought you together.”

“I don’t know about that…” You trail off. You can feel yourself growing hesitant again, pulling back from saying too much because you’ve never been a very good speaker. Because you’ve always preferred being behind the camera to being in front of it. 

“Don’t you think you should tell him how you feel?”

You scoff. At least that’s got an easy answer. A no-brainer. “No,” you say matter-of-factly, obvious because it is, stern because telling him was never an option anyway. Why else does Taehyung think you’re here without him? “Jungkook said he would get me to fall in love with him and I told him I would never. How could I ever let him think he was actually winning?”

Taehyung sighs.

You haven’t seen Jungkook since your class on Wednesday. Granted, it’s only Saturday, but it feels like it’s been a weirdly long time. Like you’re so used to him barging into your life on the daily that there’s something off about even going three days without seeing him. Maybe it’s just because you’re nearing the beginning of April and your project is finally picking up steam. Between the two of you, you almost definitely have more than two hour’s worth of footage, but the hard part will be paring it down and turning it into a forty-five minute documentary. No doubt you and Jungkook will be spending a lot of time together the week before it’s due. 

Just out of curiosity, you text him. Because you have no idea what he’s been getting up to. 

[March 28th, 1:05PM]

You: Hey, do you think we need to get together sometime this weekend?

Jungkook: i don’t think i can Jungkook: it’s my dance group’s show this weekend

You: Really? You: You didn’t tell me

Jungkook: been too busy

You: What time is your show tonight?

Jungkook: 7pm

You: Sounds good, I’ll be there

Jungkook: oh Jungkook: you don’t have to

You: I want to You: I’ll see you there!

That night, you drop by the grocery store beforehand to pick up a bouquet of flowers. You haven’t been a performing arts show for years now, especially not one where you actually know the people performing, but flowers are customary. Or so you’ve heard. 

You don’t know a single soul who has plans on seeing Jungkook’s dance group either, but the theater is a ten-minute walk away from campus and you’re happy to make the trek alone, especially because you know you’ll find someone you know soon enough. Sometimes it’s nice to walk by yourself, letting the streetlamps above your head illuminate your path, a faceless figure passing by others. It brings peace. And it gives you time to sift through your thoughts, organize them into neat little piles and brush away all of the dust. 

Admittedly, you are not much of a connoisseur of the performing arts. You aren’t even much of a consumer. In another universe, under different circumstances, you wouldn’t blink twice if you heard that one of the dance groups on campus was having their show. But this is not another universe, and these are not different circumstances. 

Jungkook will be there. He is taking something he’s worked tirelessly on and presenting it to the world. Now that you think about it, it’s actually a lot like film. And if Jungkook has devoted so much time, put so much energy into this performance, what kind of person would you be if you didn’t go and watch his creation?

You pick a seat in the far back corner, the venue so cozy that even despite being the furthest away you’ve still got an excellent view, sit down, and wait for it to begin. 

[March 28th, 6:58PM]

Jungkook: hey are you here?

You: I guess you’ll just have to wait and see, won’t you?

Jungkook: always such a tease

You roll your eyes at that, turning your phone off and stowing it away in your pocket. Two minutes later, the lights dim. 

The moment Jungkook steps out onto the stage, you recognize him instantly. He’s wearing all black again, but it’s not the same skinny jeans and leather jacket he had on when he took you out to dinner. It’s a loose long-sleeved shirt and sweatpants that hang low on his hips, highlighting the blondeness of his hair, the red in his lips. He’s one of at least a dozen people on stage but he’s the only one you focus on, the only one who your eyes follow. Booming throughout the theater is a Drake song, the beat thick and low, but it’s background noise when compared to the way he moves, the way he twists and turns his body on stage, angles sharp and crisp. 

The whole song goes by so quickly that by the time you find it in yourself to blink the stage is already darkening as they move onto the next song, switching out the performers and changing the spotlight colors to a sultry red. Jungkook disappears for this one, vanishing behind the curtains and forcing you to pay attention to the performance as a whole instead of just him. But you have to hand it to his group: they’re excellent. You’ve been missing out. 

Jungkook returns with the next song, having had just enough time to change into an all-white ensemble. He’s easy to spot even with that ridiculous bucket hat on, blonde hair bouncing with every step he takes, every jerk of his body. You can see it all the way from where you sit, see the way he loses himself in the music, lets the rhythm radiate through his blood, lets his heart match the beat that booms through the speakers. This, all of it, the music, the dancing, the energy—it’s all his. It belongs to him. Jungkook may love film but he is passionate about this. It is something that must bring him all the joy in the world. 

The next hour and a half goes by quickly, the songs jumping from one to another to another, Jungkook dashing on and off stage, each time returning in a different getup than the one prior. Makes you wonder just how many clothes he has. But before you know it the final song is playing and every one, every single member is on stage, jumping and cheering and celebrating a job well done. And they should, because they deserve to. 

When the lights in the theater come on, nobody leaves. Instead, everyone rushes towards the stage to say hello to everybody, congratulate them on their performance and take pictures with their friends. That’s why everyone else is here, isn’t it? Because the people they care about performed tonight. 

Isn’t that why you’re here, too?

Jungkook has plenty of other friends already wrapping their arms around him, giving him high-fives and pats on the back, but you’ve got a bouquet of assorted flowers in your hands and you have no plans on bringing them home. So you squeeze your way through the crowd, push yourself in between bodies, and you shout, 

“Jungkook!”

Jungkook looks up instantly at the call of his name, the round shape of his lips curving upwards into a smile when he sees you. 

“Hey, you made it!” He exclaims happily. He’s so pumped on the adrenaline that he pulls you into a hug without either of you even realizing it, wrapping his arms around your torso and squeezing you tight for a few moments before the two of you remember just exactly who you both are. Quickly, you pull away, chuckling awkwardly. Jungkook scratches at the back of his head. “Thanks for, uh—thanks for coming.”

“Of course,” you say happily. “You were amazing.”

“What can I say, I’m a man of many talents,” Jungkook schmoozes, annoying as always. 

You scoff slightly. “Don’t get ahead of yourself. Here, I brought this for you. It’s traditional, right?” You hold out the bouquet in front of you, pink plastic wrapping crunched up from where your fingers gripped the stems. 

“Wow, thank you,” Jungkook says, in awe as he takes the flowers from you, pressing his face into the petals instinctively. “No one’s ever gotten me flowers before.”

“Really?” You say, genuinely surprised at his admission. He’s never been given flowers before? Not even for a performance? You didn’t know that, either. “Then I’m glad to be the first.”

“You know you didn’t have to do that,” Jungkook says, though he looks grateful nonetheless. 

You shrug, acting casual. “Aren’t we supposed to be falling in love, or something?”

He grins. 

“Did you guys film this? Maybe we could incorporate it into the movie,” you suggest, thinking it might be interesting to add in glimpses into your normal lives, into the things you do when you aren’t trying to one-up each other. 

Jungkook shakes his head. “We did, but I don’t think we need to add it in.”

“Why not?” It seems like a perfect addition. 

Jungkook pulls out a single flower from the bouquet, a pale yellow daisy, and hands it to you. You smile your thanks, twirling the stem in between your fingers. 

“I don’t know,” he says, looking oddly soft, cheeks turning cherry red. He looks at you and it makes your heart flutter, quickens the drum of your chest. “I just think I’d like to keep this moment to ourselves.”

You suppose he’s got a point. You don’t think you’ll forget this night, either. 

The bouquet you gave him sits on Jeon Jungkook’s bedroom windowsill, bathing in the afternoon sun. Taehyung gave him some plant food the morning after you came to his performance, a little bottle that he can spritz into the water whenever the flowers look a little droopy. Jungkook adds some every day, determined to keep them alive for as long as possible. He also makes sure he’s got a rather heavy book or two, something he can use to press one of them when they’ve all shriveled up. 

It was really nice of you to come to his show, he thinks to himself. Jungkook can’t remember the last time someone outside of his group of close friends went to see him perform, not any of his past dates or even that one girl he was seeing semi-seriously for a couple months last year until she told him she wasn’t interested in him anymore. You’re the first one who’s made the effort, who’s told him that you would come and kept that promise. The flowers are just a happy reminder. 

As a celebration for completing their last show, Jungkook and some of the other juniors in his dance crew decide to go out the following weekend, determined to waste away their Saturday nights at a bar just off of campus where they can take as many shots of as many different types of alcohols as they want. The place even has soju, which makes Jungkook’s heart happy. 

Despite the temptation to drink until his brain is empty, however, Jungkook holds off. He’s got a lot of work tomorrow, most of it consisting of editing the footage you have for the project, and doesn’t really feel like staring at a computer for eight hours straight with a headache. So he limits himself. For the most part. 

“Who was that girl that came to the show?” One of his friends, Andrew, asks as he downs another shot of what is undoubtedly vodka, if the smell is anything to go by. “With the flowers?”

“Is she your girlfriend?” Jesse pipes up, red in the face from the alcohol in his system. He’s always been one to turn into a tomato after drinking. 

Jungkook chuckles awkwardly, shaking his head when the bartender offers him another shot glass full of soju. “No,” he says, forcing a laugh. “Just a friend.”

“I don’t know, you guys looked pretty close to me,” Andrew points out, like it wasn’t already obvious enough that Jungkook is head over heels for you. 

“She and I are working on a film project together,” Jungkook explains, though that does absolutely nothing to convince his friends of your completely platonic relationship. 

“Sounds fun,” Jesse says, swallowing another shot and wincing. “It was nice of her to bring you flowers. My girlfriend didn’t do that.”

“Shut up, your girlfriend is studying abroad in Paris right now,” Andrew says, giving Jesse a good-natured shove. “I’m gonna tell her you said that.”

“What, please don’t—”

“She’s not my girlfriend, guys,” Jungkook repeats himself, feeling his cheeks heat up the longer the conversation drags on. He chalks it up to the soju in his system and the fact that it feels like a sauna in here. “Seriously, we’re just friends. People can be friends and bring each other flowers.”

Jesse pumps his fist in the air. “Yeah!” He rounds on Andrew. “Where are my flowers, hey Andrew?”

The two of them start bickering as Jungkook laughs, shaking his head fondly. At least he’s not drunk, so he can remember nights like these, ones where he’s drinking with his stupid idiot friends, celebrating a show well done. 

Jungkook stays at the bar until eleven that night before he makes the executive decision to go home and sleep, because as much as he would like to party until three in the morning, he’s got a pile of work that’s telling him to be a real adult. So he bids his friends goodbye and begins to make the trek back to his apartment, passing by the row of frat houses on his way. 

Even though he’s out on the sidewalk, Jungkook can feel the ground rumble from the music, every frat on the block joining together to make some booming, bass monster. From here he can see the flashing blue and purple lights in the windows, see the brothers standing on the steps of each house and turning away whoever they deem unfit to enter. 

In a weird way, it makes Jungkook nostalgic. Reminiscent of when he was a freshman, when he would group up with all of the people in his hall and parade around the frat row on Saturday nights like they owned the place, getting drunk on shitty tequila and jumping until they sweat out their body fluids. He remembers those nights in flashes, bits and pieces that make up his memory of freshman year as a whole. Remembers kissing other girls, other girls kissing him. Remembers the way he would lock lips with them for a second and then forget about it by the next day. 

Jungkook wonders why he ever thought he would meet his soulmate at a frat party. 

He’s just passing the last frat house now, nodding to the guy on the step when they accidentally meet eyes, when he hears you call his name. 

“Jungkook!”

He whips around to see you on the other side of the road, waving at him excitedly while your friends all laugh, sending smiles Jungkook’s way. 

Jungkook isn’t exactly sure what the protocol is for a scenario like this, so he does what he thinks is right and waves back. 

“Come over here!” You shout at him, loosely gesturing for him to join your group. Jungkook is hesitant, not sure if that’s necessarily the best course of action because even from here he can tell that you’re drunk, leaning over to one side and giggling at nothing. But even if he isn’t sure what will happen he can’t help but fall into the way you’re beaming at him, waving excitedly because you saw him on the street and you wanted to say hello.

He’s never been able to resist you. 

“Hey, what are you doing out here?” He says as he jogs over, greeting the rest of your friends with a patient smile. 

“Went out with my friends,” you say. Jungkook can smell the alcohol on your lips. “And then I saw you, which made me happy!”

You stumble over nothing, shoes skipping as they drag along the pavement, and before any of your friends can react Jungkook is reaching his arms out, catching you before you fall flat on your face. Your hands press against his torso as he lifts you back to your feet, and all Jungkook can do is pray that you can’t hear the way his heart races, beat drumming in his ears. You giggle in his hold, disoriented but not at all uneasy, looking up at him as your eyes sparkle in the glow of the streetlamps. 

“Thanks,” you manage to cough out. 

“Sure,” Jungkook says, breathless. He stands you up and tries to let you go, but you keep your hands tight around his wrists. “I think we need to get you home.”

“Can you come with me?” You ask innocently, eyes wide. 

“Y/N…” One of your friends says, voice hesitant. She places a hand on your shoulder, looking concerned. Jungkook doesn’t take any offense to it, he doesn’t know your friends well and imagines that they would much prefer being the ones to drop you back at your place. 

You shrug her off. “No, it’s okay, Ruby,” you assure your friend, hand inching down Jungkook’s wrist until it rests firmly within his palm. “I’ll go with him.”

Ruby eyes Jungkook suspiciously and her gaze is so intense that it actually makes him doubt his ability to walk you home for a moment. But you seem intent on walking with him, and the sooner you go home the better, so Ruby relents and lifts her hand from your shoulder. “Alright, if you want to.” She keeps her eyes trained on Jungkook. “Text me when you’re back.”

“I will, I will,” you say, brushing her off and waving her away. “Let’s go, Jungkook. I’m sleepy.”

“Okay, come on,” he says. You smile happily at your friends as you say goodbye, cheerful and drunk and tired, all at once, and you begin to walk towards your apartment. 

“I’m glad you’re here,” you tell him, positively filter-less. 

“I’m glad I’m here, too,” Jungkook assures you. “What did you have to drink tonight?”

“Not sure,” you admit happily. “Just a lot.”

“I can tell.” Jungkook nods. “Were you at a frat party?”

“Several,” you correct him. “They weren’t that fun but at least the drinks were free.”

“Why were you at a frat party if you don’t like them?” Jungkook asks you, nose scrunched up. You certainly aren’t the kind of person to hide your distaste for things. That is something that Jungkook is intimately familiar with. 

You shrug. “It’s the cheapest place to get drunk.”

“Why did you want to get drunk?” This is seeming more and more out-of-character for you. Going to a place you despise, taking shots until you can’t walk straight, meandering around campus with Jungkook. All of these are things Jungkook could never in a million years picture you doing out of free will. 

Well, all of them except maybe the last one. You did come to his dance show, after all. 

You sigh. It’s thick and heavy and Jungkook has a feeling you won’t want to divulge any more. “I just wanted to forget.”

But the curiosity is eating at him. 

“Forget what?”

Your grip on his hand tightens. Jungkook fully expects you to dodge the question like you’ve dodged all of the ones prior, say something else to change the topic so you can sweep this discussion under the rug like all of the other ones you’ve had. But you don’t. 

Instead, you say, “You wanna know why I don’t love love the way you do?”

“You don’t have to tell me,” Jungkook quickly assures you. 

“I had better options than this place,” you say, voice hollow and empty. “There were better universities that accepted me. Ones with higher-ranked film programs and bigger scholarships. I could have gone to any one of them and been just as happy. Maybe more.”

“But you didn’t,” Jungkook clarifies. 

“My ex-boyfriend goes to school ten minutes away from here,” you say, words that are most certainly news to Jungkook. You had a boyfriend? “He and I dated all throughout high school. I thought I was gonna marry him.”

The words sound so sad. It sounds like they don’t even belong to you. Like you’re recalling the memories of a different person, someone you’ve killed and buried, someone you were certain you would never have to face again. Yourself. Your past self. 

“And then he broke up with me at the beginning of last year and it was too late to transfer out.” Your words are slurred and garbled, like all you want is to get over with saying them in the first place. It’s not a dramatic revelation. It’s not something you’re crying about, sobbing into Jungkook’s chest as you remember, miserable, a time where you were once happy. You just sound lifeless. 

Jungkook blinks at you expectantly, waiting for you to continue. It doesn’t feel right for him to speak up. Not when you’ve just revealed to him something so personal, so drunk that you probably won’t even remember saying anything when you wake up tomorrow morning. 

What is he supposed to do with this knowledge? What is he supposed to say? To do? It’s not like Jungkook can change your past. It’s not even as if he can change the near future. Your project is almost finished—the semester is almost over. And then you will return to the time where you never even knew each other. 

“You can say something,” you tell him.

“What do you want me to say?” Jungkook says. 

“Something to make me feel better, because now I’m sad,” you request simply. “Seeing you made me happy.”

“Maybe I should just keep my mouth shut and smile, then,” he muses to himself. 

“No, please keep talking,” you plead, leaning into his body with your bottom lip puffed out, eyes big and round and desperate. “Listening to you gets me to stop thinking about this stuff.”

Hearing that, Jungkook says the first thing that comes to mind. And that is, “You don’t have to think about that stuff anymore at all.”

“Hmm?” You murmur into his chest. Jungkook sees your apartment building up ahead. Just another block or so. 

“Well, that was your old love story,” he begins tentatively. Jungkook’s almost fully sober by now but he feels like he won’t ever get another opportunity to say this, and maybe whatever soju is left in his system is enough to get him through this conversation. Enough for him to muster up the confidence to tell you what he’s been wanting to tell you for a while now. 

Even if you forget it by tomorrow. He knows this is his only chance. 

“And it didn’t have a happy ending, but that’s okay. Because ours will.” 

You’re just coming up to your apartment complex, the rusted gold doors of the entrance sticking out against the beige of the building and the sidewalk, shimmering in the light of the streetlamps. You pause right outside, taking cover underneath the red awning above your heads. Looking up at him, you blink expectantly. 

“How do I know you mean that?” You ask. 

He almost does it. 

Jungkook doesn’t really know what washes over him in that moment, what takes his heart and mind prisoner for a split second, grip tight and unforgiving. But he’s staring straight into your watery eyes, glossy and glimmery and glowing, lost in the way you press your lips together, the way you gaze up at him and wait for him to tell you what he’s always wanted to say, and he almost does it. His hands press at your sides, holding you close, like he’s afraid that if he lets you go you’ll vanish without another trace and this night will all have been for naught. 

But he doesn’t. 

He doesn’t for a lot of reasons. You’re drunk. When you wake up tomorrow, you will not remember this conversation. But Jungkook will. And if he does it, if he kisses you, if he presses his lips to yours it will be burned into his thoughts, carved into his heart, and you will be none the wiser. Jungkook can’t do that to himself. And he can’t do that to you, either. He will never take advantage of your company. He never has.

“Because,” Jungkook says instead, having hesitated for far too long. “I promise you.”

It’s good enough for him. 

He tucks you into bed at 12:17AM that night, feet padding along your hardwood floor so he doesn’t wake up your neighbors, guiding you to your bedroom and reminding you to text Ruby that you made it home safely. Jungkook’s never gotten a very good look at your place, and even now it’s hard to make out most things without the main ceiling lights on, but he doesn’t really want to snoop. Even though you invited him in, he still feels like he’s intruding. You’ve always been so private. There were a lot of things said tonight that Jungkook is going to have to reckon with. 

Once you’re curled up beneath your sheets, eyes drooping, Jungkooks turns off the light on your nightstand and nearly, just about nearly, presses his lips to your forehead. He manages to avoid doing that, too. 

Instead, he pulls up your duvet and heads towards the main room, making a beeline for your front door. But before he can leave the room, he hears you mumble out his name. 

“Jungkook?” You call, voice groggy. 

“Yeah?” He looks back at you from where he stands in your door frame, one hand on the knob, ready to pull it closed. 

You smile, eyes fluttering. “Thank you,” you say. 

Jungkook grins. 

The next morning you wake up with a pounding headache and three missed calls from Ruby, which undoubtedly means that something positively terrible happened last night. Unfortunately, you have no idea what happened at all last night, good or terrible, so whatever Ruby has to say will be news to you. 

Rubbing your eyes as you wrack your brain in the hopes of figuring out how you even ended up back at your apartment (when you swear you told Ruby you would stay at hers), you press on Ruby’s contact and call her. 

“Y/N? Hello? Are you there?” Ruby answers on the first ring. 

“I’m here,” you mumble out, words jumped and barely intelligible. You wince as your eyes adjust to the harsh blue light of your phone screen, squinting as you look at the time. 

Shit, it’s 11:43AM and you’re meeting Jungkook for coffee at noon. 

“Good, I called you three times last night after you texted,” Ruby wastes no time diving into her interrogation. 

“Why?” You ask, scrambling out of bed with your phone pressed between your shoulder and your ear. Your head throbs so you quickly take some Ibuprofen, splash your face with water, and start looking for something clean you can put on. 

“Because texting me ‘home’ is not enough!” Ruby exclaims. “Jungkook walked you home last night, I wanted to make sure you were tucked in bed and feeling alright.”

You frown. You don’t remember that. Granted, you don’t remember a lot of things, but you can’t recall Jungkook walking you back. You saw him last night? You didn’t even know. Scratching your head, a part of you vaguely pictures him standing in your apartment in the dark, resting against the door frame to your bedroom in the warm yellow light of the lamp on your nightstand. Can just barely see him tucking you into bed, placing the sheets over your figure and making you text Ruby that you’re home. You thought you were just imagining it at the time, but it must have happened anyway. 

“Jungkook walked me home?”

“Yeah, you insisted,” Ruby says. “You probably don’t remember, though.”

“No,” you say dumbly. 

“Well, I appreciate you texting me that you were home but I would have preferred something more explanatory,” scolds Ruby. “I thought maybe Jungkook was gonna do something.”

“Oh my goodness, no,” you immediately interject, pulling on your shoes and stuffing your laptop into your backpack. Just the thought of Jungkook doing something like that sends your stomach for a whirl. “He would never do that. I trust him.”

“I mean, I see that now,” Ruby points out. “I just wanted to make sure you were okay.”

“I’m fine,” you promise. “Everything’s good.”

“Alright, if you say so,” Ruby says, still sounding a bit like an overprotective mother. You love her, though. You know she just wants the best for you. “Take it easy today, okay? You had a lot to drink last night.”

“I will,” you assure her. “I’m just on my way to meet up with Jungkook now. Getting coffee.”

“Make sure to eat, too,” Ruby reminds you. “And tell Jungkook that I said thanks for walking you home.”

“Anything else, Mom?”

You can practically see Ruby frowning on the other end. “Oh, shut up. I’ll see you, okay?”

She bids you goodbye just as you’re dashing out the door, your usual stride quickening so you make it to the cafe in time, not wanting to keep Jungkook waiting. You make it there in a record five minutes, pulling open the door frantically just as the clock strikes noon. 

Jungkook’s already there, of course, sitting by a little round table in the corner of the room with two americanos on the table. He waves when he sees you standing by the entrance, and the mere sight of him makes you smile, shoulders relaxing. 

“Hey,” you greet, a little out of breath as you settle into the chair across from him. 

“Hey,” Jungkook says back. “How are you feeling?”

“My head is killing me, but other than that I’m alright,” you admit, taking a sip of the drink. It’s piping hot but just the right amount of scalding, warming your insides after a night of filling them with pure poison. 

“Good.” He grins. “It’s nice to see your face.”

“Oh, yeah, speaking of which,” you say while still on the topic, “did you walk me home last night? I can’t remember.”

Jungkook nods. “Yeah, I bumped into you and your friends while I was on my way back from a bar.”

You wince. The fact that you don’t even remember that happening tells you enough. “I was super drunk, wasn’t I?”

Jungkook, nice as always, says, “I’ve seen worse.” It only makes you feel the slightest bit better. 

“Hope I didn’t say anything embarrassing,” you say, knowing you have a tendency to lose your filter almost entirely when you get wasted, letting any sort of mental reasoning fly out the door the moment you down another shot. And the thought of having told Jungkook something deeply humiliating or personal, or even him witnessing something stupid, makes you feel weirdly exposed. 

Jungkook freezes for a split second, almost like he’s buffering, like he’s about to say something but it’s just taking him an extra step to get the words out of his mouth. Then he takes a quick sip of his americano and shakes his head. “No, you didn’t. You were just very drunk. And clingy.”

“I’m so sorry you had to deal with that,” you apologize. You can’t imagine the hell you must have put Jungkook through last night. 

Jungkook laughs. “It’s okay. I’m glad we got you home safe.”

“Me, too.” You nod. You send a grateful smile his way. “Thanks for walking me, by the way. I really appreciate it. Ruby says thanks, too.”

“Anytime,” Jungkook says. It doesn’t sound like something that people say just to say it. The way that people say ‘anytime’ just so they can be friendly and amicable. He says it and he means it, says it genuinely and honestly, like it’s a real promise that he’s making. That he would be happy to walk you home again. No matter the hour. No matter how drunk you are. No matter what he’s doing. 

And that means a lot to you. 

“We should probably wrap up filming soon, huh?” You say, getting onto the topic at hand. Of course, the project is the whole reason you’re even talking to each other in the first place. “It’s due in three weeks.”

“Yeah, I was thinking of another outing? And maybe one more thing with Taehyung?” Jungkook suggests. 

You narrow your eyes suspiciously. “‘Another outing’, Jungkook? What exactly do you have in mind?”

He grins. 

This time, Jungkook is the one with the flowers. 

When you open your front door they’re the first thing you see, an enormous bouquet of an assortment of spring flowers in a variety of colors—pinks and purples and oranges and yellows—gripped neatly in Jungkook’s hand. They stick out against his otherwise rather formal attire, a simple black dress shirt and jeans, nice shoes that compliment his figure. Black truly is the world’s most slimming color, and Jungkook is no exception. He looks good. 

“For you, m’lady,” Jungkook says dramatically as he holds out the bouquet in front of him.

“How thoughtful of you,” you muse to yourself, grinning. You take the flowers and press your whole face into them, breathing in the fresh scent. “The one I gave you wasn’t nearly this big.”

“Go big or go home,” Jungkook teases. “You look nice, by the way.”

“You always sound so surprised when you say that,” you comment snidely, shaking your head as you grab your bag from the shelf next to your door. “What are we doing tonight, Jeon? Gonna keep it a secret from me like last time?”

“That depends,” Jungkook says knowingly. “Do you like secrets?”

“You should know what I like by now,” you remark. 

“Then prepare to be wowed.” He grins, taking your hand in his as he pulls you out the door. 

The restaurant you go to this time does not require a ten minute drive to the center of town. Instead, it’s a five minute walk from campus and actually happens to be a place you’ve been to before. It’s a busy little thing on a Friday night, waiters bustling about with trays in their hands, people laughing and smiling under the dim light of the chandeliers. You’ve only been here once, long ago, for a club dinner paid for by the finance chair, and for good reason. It’s not the kind of place cheap college students looking to get the most food for the least amount of money go to. 

“Isn’t this a bit out of budget for our rom-com?” You ask as the host seats you at your table, a little booth in the middle of the restaurant, lanterns resting on the corners of the seats. 

“I thought this was a mockumentary,” Jungkook jokes. 

“Yeah, yeah,” you say, resisting the smile that fights its way across your face. Trust you to make that sort of blunder in front of him. “I mean it, though. This place is expensive.”

“It’s manageable,” Jungkook promises. “I’ve been saving up. Plus, I thought you deserved a nice night out.”

“How generous of you.”

“Oh, come on, I know you’re excited,” he narrows his eyes at you. “You don’t have to act like a stone-cold robot anymore.”

“Well…” you suppose enough is enough. Jungkook can see right through you anyway, so there’s no point in keeping up this indifferent facade of yours. “Only because you’re treating me so nicely.”

“Just please don’t order the steak,” he requests simply. 

You laugh. “No problem. Maybe we could just share a couple of appetizers?”

Jungkook likes the sound of that. 

Luckily, this is not one of those restaurants where the appetizers cost an arm and a leg and are the size of your pinky finger. You and Jungkook split three different ones, happy to scoop out portions for each of you and indulge in them together. 

Dinner dates—of which this is only sort of one—are always awkward because you spend half of the time shoving food into your mouth, but you and Jungkook don’t seem to mind the silence at all. Only, Jungkook does look sort of like he’s holding back.

“Is this enough food for you?” You ask him halfway through, distantly remembering how he absolutely devoured a whole plate of pasta last time and still having enough room in his stomach to finish yours. 

“What do you mean?” Jungkook asks over a mouthful of vegetables. 

“You ate so much at the Italian place, I just want to make sure you aren’t still hungry,” you point out. 

“Oh.” Jungkook pauses, swallowing down the bite in his mouth. “No, I’m okay. Thanks for thinking of me, though.”

“Yeah, of course,” you say. You hesitate for a moment, not sure if you should say anything else. But what the hell, right? It’s Jungkook. It’s Jungkook and he walked you home when you were drunk, he gave you flowers, he let you borrow his jacket. And you feel as though you must return the favor. “Anytime.”

He smiles. 

Despite the pure ecstasy you both experience when eating delicious food, Jungkook makes sure not to waste this time and grabs a few frames of you eating with his camera. He always seems to have that with him whenever he’s with you, hanging around his neck or stuffed into his backpack or crammed into his pants pocket. Sort of makes you wonder just how much footage the two of you have of each other. 

He insists on paying but you send him some money anyway, just because letting him shoulder the burden of a place as expensive (for college students, at least) as this just doesn’t sit right with you. Whenever he receives the Venmo notification on his phone, Jungkook frowns and says that he’ll send that money back to you, but he never does and you can tell that he really does appreciate it. 

You don’t think you have any plans on stopping that for a while. 

The only downside of going to this restaurant is that there is no gorgeous, light-strung park in the vicinity the two of you can wander around. Just your campus, which you have no doubt walked a thousand times over, and the streets surrounding it, which you have memorized like the back of your hand. 

It almost makes you think that Jungkook is just going to drop you back off at your place and the night will end there, but you know better than to expect something like that from Jungkook. Instead, as you’re walking, you point out the cafe that you and Ruby always go to, see that it’s closing in half-an-hour, and Jungkook decides then and there that it’s your next destination. 

“You’ve never been here before?” You ask when you walk inside, eyes immediately drifting to the display of pastries beside the register. 

“I’m not normally on this side of campus,” Jungkook admits. “You’re the only reason I’m ever here.”

“Then hopefully after finding this place, you’ll have two reasons,” you say cheerfully. The baristas behind the counter know you on a first-name basis, are happy to help you out even though they’ve no doubt been working long hours and are ready to close up shop and go home. 

You split a tiramisu and sit at that same corner table you and Ruby always pick, empty now that it’s so late at night. Other than the employees, you and Jungkook are the only ones in here, a far cry from the hustle and bustle of the restaurant, filled to the brim with people, the smell of cooked food wafting through the air. 

 The tiramisu isn't as fresh as it would be bright and early in the morning, but you suppose that that just means you and Jungkook will have to come back. Besides, Jungkook obviously does not seem to mind, scarfing it down ruthlessly. You’re in and out just as they close up shop, the employees bidding you goodbye like old friends, sending you on your way. There’s not really much else either of you have planned for tonight, and Jungkook isn’t coming up with any new ideas as he checks his phone. Instead, you just begin to head back to your apartment, all wrapped up in each other. You place your hand in his own and feel yourself relax when he squeezes, a silent little reminder that he’s still here, and that so are you.

Funnily enough, holding hands feels natural to you at this point. 

“Tonight was fun,” you comment, breaking the quiet.

“Yeah, glad we could do this,” Jungkook agrees. “Makes me kind of sad to know that this thing is almost over.”

“What, the project?”

Jungkook shrugs. “Yeah. And the class. And the semester. It’s kind of scary. We’ll be seniors next year.”

You chuckle. “Ugh, don’t remind me. I still have no idea what I’m going to do after we graduate.”

“You don’t have to know everything,” Jungkook reassures you. “As long as you’re happy with what you have now.”

“Are you?” You inquire, looking up to meet his eyes. 

Jungkook beams down at you. “I am.”

The walk from the cafe to your apartment is short, just under five minutes, but it feels like it takes you an hour, footsteps slow and languid, like neither of you want the night to end. You hit every red light, round every corner, drawing out the evening for as long as you can. Unfortunately, there is only so much you can do on a five-minute walk, and before you know it, you’re home.

“This is me,” you say, stopping outside the gold doors of your apartment complex. “Thanks again for tonight.”

“Anytime,” Jungkook says, a common thread in your conversations. 

“Really?” You ask, skeptical. “Our project’s almost over.”

“That doesn’t mean we have to stop doing this,” Jungkook says. 

You narrow your eyes. “What are you implying, huh, Jungkook?”

“This.”

Before you know it, he’s wrapping one hand around your waist and pulling you in close to him, your palms splayed out against his broad, toned chest, pressing his lips to yours. You gasp a little into the feeling, somewhat shocked he would dare be so bold even after all this time, but find yourself sinking into the touch. He tastes like coffee and cream, like peppermint from his chapstick, like the wine you shared tonight. You cave into the way he holds you, hands wrapped around your body, palms pressed firmly against your figure. He holds you like he’s afraid to let go, like he’s trying to remind himself that you’re real and here and that you are kissing him back, like he’ll forget once the moment ends. 

But he need not worry about that. 

When you part, you don’t even bother wiping off the stupid smile on your face, kiss-drunk and filled with glee. It’s been a long time since you felt this way. And Jungkook makes you feel things you don’t even think you can explain. 

“How bold of you,” you comment, noses touching, barely an inch away from each other. 

“I figured I’d shoot my shot,” Jungkook says. He shrugs, pretending to be casual, but you can see the way he’s grinning, beaming, down at you. 

“You scored,” you remind him.

“How observant of you,” teases Jungkook in return. You pout a little at his playful mockery, heart fond. “Think we can do it again?”

“Hmm, I would tone down the ego first,” you say, already leaning back in to press your lips against his. 

“Never.” He smiles wickedly. 

It’s a quicker kiss this time, a short peck against his cherry red mouth, but it still makes your heart beat something terribly fierce. 

“See you soon?” You ask when you finally pull away, knowing that as much as you’d like to, you can’t just stand out here kissing each other forever. 

Jungkook nods, cheeks pink and warm to the touch. He looks so sleek in his formal black outfit, crisp button-down and slacks, hair all styled, but the way he’s grinning at you makes him look so young, so sublimely happy. It’s nice. 

“Anytime.”

“There’s my favorite couple!” Taehyung greets excitedly when he swings open the door to his apartment to reveal you and Jungkook standing on the other side. 

“What’s it to you?” You comment snidely as he lets you inside, the black sheet still taped up along his wall. It looks a little more wrinkled than when you last saw it. 

“Oh, nothing,” Taehyung singsongs. He definitely knows a lot more than he cares to tell either you or Jungkook, but whatever. The project’s almost over and he’s almost finished with university entirely. “You guys are just cute together, that’s all.”

“Like you even know the half of it.” You tell him with a roll of your eyes. 

Taehyung wiggles his eyebrows. “Ooh, do tell.” He grins that greasy, comic-book-villain grin of his as he starts moving his bar stools back to where the sheet lines his cream-colored wall. 

“Isn’t that the whole point of this?” Jungkook poses, making you laugh from where you’re seated on the couch, watching Jungkook set up his tripod in exactly the place he wants it. You smile at him as you recline against Taehyung’s poor old leather couch, so worn-down from use that the back cushions fold in when you press against them, and Jungkook peers out from behind the camera to blow you a kiss. 

You send him one back without even needing to think. 

Taehyung misses the whole scene, but no doubt he’ll be putting two and two together pretty soon. You and Jungkook agreed that for the last interview you would be questioned together, long before Jungkook actually managed to romance you off your feet, and there’s not a doubt in your mind that the two of you being interviewed side-by-side will make things much more interesting. 

Nevertheless, Jungkook sets up the camera and sends a thumbs-up your way when he’s ready, Taehyung sitting on the bar stool just outside of the frame with a couple of index cards in his hand. 

“Let’s do this,” you say, hauling yourself onto the seat. Jungkook does the same shortly after, scooching onto the one next to you as you stare at Taehyung, waiting for him to start. 

“Looking forward to this one?” Taehyung asks knowingly. 

You shrug nonchalantly. “Just a little.”

“Excellent. Shall we begin?”

You and Jungkook nod. 

“Alright. Well, this is presumably the last thing the two of you will be filming for your project. How are you feeling about it?”

“It turned out better than I thought it would,” you admit. It will come as a shock to no one that you did not have very high hopes for this project when it was first assigned. 

“Of course it did, I’m your partner,” Jungkook teases, poking you in your side. “Would you ever doubt me?”

“Always,” you say.

Taehyung chuckles. “Sounds like it’s been good so far. Did you enjoy filming it?”

You nod. “Yeah, it was actually kind of fun. Except for when Jungkook spilled coffee all over me, that was not cool.” You turn to face Jungkook directly, and all he does when you say his name is wink and point at you. 

“It was for the rom-com, I don’t know what you expected,” Jungkook said. “I gave you my jacket, too.”

“How gentlemanly.”

Taehyung chuckles, warm and low. “I’m sure Jungkook learned his lesson,” he muses. “What was your favorite thing to film?”

Not when I randomly texted you five minutes before I showed up at your door to make you ask me questions about how I feel, you think to yourself. Jungkook still doesn’t know, but you think you’ll put it into the movie just for the hell of it, so he’ll find out then. Find out that you were grappling with your feelings for him long before you ever let on.

“The serenade was a blast, a special shoutout to the Eighth Notes for doing that for me,” Jungkook says immediately. Obviously that is at the top of his list. “Plus, I just like seeing Y/N all flustered.”

“Shut up, you’re so annoying,” you chide. “I guess the serenade was kind of cute. I liked going out together, though. On our not-date.”

Jungkook objects to that instantly. “It was a date, Y/N!”

You look back at him, equally as scandalized as he. “Whose turn is it to talk?”

“Mine, actually,” Taehyung interjects. “Did you like going out together?”

You sigh a little, wondering if you’re really about to turn into a softie in front of a camera for a movie to be shown to your twenty classmates and professor. “Yeah,” you say, real and true because that’s what you agreed on, you and Jungkook. To be candid. To be honest. To say how you felt. Really. “It was really nice. I hadn’t gone out with someone like that in a long time.”

“And were you happy because of the project, or because of Jungkook?”

“Well,” you begin, not exactly sure where to start. “I guess, it’s like… you know, I didn’t even know Jungkook before this project. I mean, I knew who he was, he would always respond to my discussion board posts and object to everything I said in class. But I didn’t know him as a person. But as we worked on this project together, planning and filming and editing, I started to. And we did so many things together. And I guess I just really enjoyed the time we did spend as a pair.”

“Would you say the same, Jungkook?”

“Yes,” Jungkook says easily. “That’s what I wanted. To get to know Y/N, to spend time with her. I was glad we had this project. Otherwise, we might never have done something like this.”

“You both seem very happy.”

“I think we are. This project was actually sort of a blessing in disguise. I know him a lot better, now,” you say. “I’m glad that I do. He makes me smile, and laugh, and I always feel happy when he’s around. I don’t know. He did it, somehow.”

“Jungkook?”

“It wasn’t just me. Y/N and I did this together. We made this. This project. Us. It wasn’t just her, or just me. It’s ours.” Jungkook grins.

“Are you glad you did this project?”

Of course. It was fun, and I liked filming it, and I feel like I got something really important out of it. I know it’s just a short rom-com mockumentary, but it really feels like there was a happy ending, you know? A happily ever after.”

“You seem really certain about that.”

“Well,” Jungkook says with a little scoff, “what else would you call it?”

“As you can see, obviously Y/N fell head over heels in love with me thanks to this wonderful project—”

“Why are you always so full of yourself—?”

“Hey, you’re ruining the voiceover! As I said, as you can see, Y/N fell head over heels in love with me, but that wasn’t just because of my dashing good looks and amazing singing skills.”

“The ends of your hair look like hay—”

“It was because we were honest with each other, and because we spent meaningful moments together, and because we kept our hearts open. And I guess that’s the truth of it all, isn’t it? Love, romance, relationships? If you close yourself off, you’ll never get to experience them. But if you take every opportunity with an open mind, then you never know what might happen. Like falling in love with your discussion board nemesis.”

“Who, me?”

“Just let me finish, come on. There’s like one paragraph left. I know this was a mockumentary, not a scripted rom-com with professional actors and screenwriters and a whole team of editors. But that was the whole point. To make it real. And to make it between two people who aren’t just characters on a screen. We’re real people, and this happened to us. And it makes us happy. And it can happen to you, too. I think we all learn something every time we watch a new movie. Whether it be about loss, or promises, or other people. This time, we learned about love. Real love. How it can be rocky and strange and come straight out of left field. But also how happy endings aren’t just for movies and fairytales. We all deserve them. And Y/N and I found our own.”

“Are you gonna say it?”

“And so… they lived happily ever after.”

You look up at the screen, expecting to see the credits roll, but instead it’s a shot of the two of you kissing outside of your apartment building, a shot of you wrapping your arms around him as you press your lips to his. It lasts for only a few seconds, but you find yourself entranced in the moment, shocked that Jungkook somehow managed to capture it on film. He didn’t even have his camera with him that night. 

Pollack turns on the lights in your classroom as your fellow classmates applaud, all of them looking genuinely pleased that your rom-com had such a wonderful ending. Pollack herself looks rather proud, nodding to herself as she smiles at the two of you. 

“You filmed us kissing?” You hiss to Jungkook as your classmates clap, hoping the sound of it will drown out your conversation. 

“I got Taehyung to,” Jungkook whispers back. “Why?”

“I just… I thought that night was just for us.”

“The rest of it is. But I thought the kiss would be a cute way to end it. You know, happy ending and everything.”

Alright, if Jungkook insists. You nod, tensing up slightly. You hadn’t even noticed Taehyung down the street, standing behind some utility pole with the camera raised to his eye. Had Jungkook texted him in secret? Asked him to meet you outside of your apartment? Was he planning on kissing you from the very beginning?

You shake your head, willing away the thoughts as Pollack commends the two of you for a job well done. Jungkook and you stand at the front of the room for a few more seconds, getting stared down by your fellow classmates while Pollack speaks. The period ends just as she finishes up, the minutes changing the moment she closes her mouth. Within a minute or so, the whole class has emptied out, some of them congratulating you and Jungkook on the way out. 

“I’ll meet you outside, okay?” Jungkook says, eyes bright and filled with that same wonder he’s always got. 

“Yeah,” you say distantly, nodding to him as he disappears out the door. 

“You did an excellent job, Y/N,” Pollack praises, and it goes right to your head, if you’re being honest. “It was brilliant.”

“Thanks,” you say, suddenly rather shy. “That means a lot.”

“Don’t tell anyone else this,” she says, voice quiet, “but I was secretly hoping the two of you would fall in love.”

“Pollack!”

She laughs. “What? I thought you’d make a cute couple. And you do, so clearly it all worked out anyway.”

“I’m pretty sure that’s against the code of conduct,” you say, even though you know you can’t be too mad at her. After all, you wouldn’t have Jungkook if it weren’t for her. 

“Y/N, I’m tenured. I don’t care.”

“Wait…” you pause, eyes narrowing, “how many of your students have you set up with each other?”

Pollack grins. “I never reveal my secrets.”

Your mouth drops open. 

She chuckles, shooing you out the door. “Go on, go be with your boyfriend. You can tell him you both get A pluses for your project. It was excellent. One of the best I’ve seen in a very long time.”

“Thanks, Pollack,” you say, smiling gratefully. “You’re the best.”

She points at you proudly as you head out the door. “So are you.”

Jungkook is waiting by the tables where you always sit, half a flight down from your classroom. He’s leaning against the edge of them as he scrolls mindlessly through his phone, so engrossed in the Instagram explore page that he doesn’t see you walk up. 

“Guess what,” you say, getting all up in his face, just because you can. 

“What,” Jungkook says, an eyebrow raised. 

“We got an A plus on our project!” You exclaim happily, cheering. Jungkook laughs at your exuberant reaction, watches as you jump around, clapping loudly. 

“Hell yeah, we did that!” Jungkook holds his hand up for a high five, one you gladly take. Your palms smack together and the sound reverberates around the hallway. 

“You know, you and I—” you begin, placing your palms on his cheeks as you pull yourself in for a kiss, “we make a pretty good team.”

“Only because you’re so good at editing,” Jungkook says. You’re both not too bad, if you do say so yourself, but since Jungkook did so much of the filming you thought it would be better if you carried more of the weight when it came to post-production. 

“Says you,” you tease, pressing your lips to his button nose. “The happy ending thing was a nice touch, I liked it. Makes me feel like I’m in a fairy tale.”

“I’m glad,” Jungkook says with a chuckle, admiring the way you beam at him. “You know, I was really worried that you might think we didn’t have a happy ending after all, especially after everything.”

“What do you mean?” You look at him curiously. 

“Well, I just really wanted to make sure that we had a happy ending, because you’ve been through so much.”

You pause in place, eyebrows furrowing as you look up at him. Been through so much? Does Jungkook know something you don’t? Wait, no, did you… did you tell him—?

“You knew?” You ask, the realization piercing you like an arrow. “All this time, and you never said anything?”

Jungkook’s eyes widen. 

“How long have you known?”

He winces. “Since I walked you home when you were drunk. You told me.”

You did?

Shit.

“And you didn’t think that maybe you should have told me that you knew? Especially when I asked you if I had said anything embarrassing?” You cry out, indignant. “What, were you just planning on never telling me?”

“I was going to, but I wasn’t sure if you wanted to know that you had admitted all those things to me,” Jungkook admits, growing desperate. “They were really personal things, I thought you might react badly.”

“Oh, so you just decided to keep it a secret instead? Look how well that worked out.”

“What was I supposed to do, Y/N? I know you would have been upset.”

“Tell me!” You exclaim. “I asked you if I had said something embarrassing that night and you said I hadn’t. And I believed you. Better to have known then than now!”

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says.

“I can’t believe you wouldn’t just tell me. Didn’t we say we would be honest with each other? But instead, you just let me assume that all of the nice things you did for me were because you actually cared, and not because you felt bad for me?”

“I don’t feel bad for you!” Jungkook shouts. “I mean, I do, but that’s not why I took you out on dates and gave you flowers and held your hand. I do care about you.”

“Oh, so filming us kissing was just because you actually cared, too, right?”

“I don’t know why you’re so hung up about that,” Jungkook points out. 

“Because I thought it was a private moment,” you remind him. “You hadn’t filmed anything the whole night. I thought we were just going out on a date like two people who cared about each other did. Us kissing was personal. But you texted Taehyung and told him to show up with his camera anyway, right? Because you were planning on kissing me from the very beginning. Because you knew, Jungkook. You knew and you had absolutely no intention of telling me.”

“Y/N, wait, I didn’t do those things just because I pitied you,” Jungkook says, reaching out for your hand. 

You pull away. “You didn’t? Then why did you film us kissing, then?”

“Because…” he flounders. You aren’t at all surprised. “Because—”

“Enough, Jungkook. I get it,” you stop him, shaking your head. “Everything we’ve done since that first date we had, when we went to the Italian place, everything since then—it was all played up. Because you felt bad for me. I had a shitty experience with love and you wanted to make me feel better. Whatever.”

“Y/N, it wasn’t like that,” Jungkook chases after you as you begin to walk down the stairs, towards the exit. “I didn’t pity you. I still don’t. I did those things because I care about you, and I wanted you to be happy.”

“Well, you got what you wanted,” you say, arms crossed over your shoulders as you push your way out the door. “I was so happy when I was with you.”

“Wait, Y/N—”

“Bye, Jungkook.”

The door slams shut behind you. 

“How many finals do you still have left? You finished your movie, right?”

Ruby is stirring herself a cup of earl grey tea as she sits down on the couch next to you, where you’re very obviously sulking as you scroll through the Feel Good Rom-Coms category on Netflix. 

“I just have a couple essays and a presentation,” you mumble out. “You?”

“Ugh, I still have all of my final exams to take,” Ruby tells you with a thick, heavy sigh. Clearly, she doesn't feel like talking about them now. Or at all. “The life of a biology major.”

“Hey, you’re the one who wants to be a doctor, not me,” you remind her crudely. “You better know your shit, or I’m never taking my kids to your practice.”

“Rude,” Ruby says. “There goes my family and friends discount offer.”

You laugh to yourself, a small smile inching its way across your lips. Ruby’s always known how to brighten your day, even when you feel like absolute shit. 

“What are we watching, hmm? I’m cool with anything.”

“I don’t know.” You shrug, flicking through all of the rom-com options and feeling very unhappy with all of them. “I feel like you’ve seen all of these.”

“Yeah,” Ruby says. “Whenever I’m not studying, I’m watching Netflix or The Bachelor.”

You nod. Maybe you’ll just settle on some old NCIS reruns and call it a night. 

“Oh!” Ruby exclaims suddenly, a lightbulb going off above her head. “How about we watch your movie? The rom-com you did with Jungkook! I haven’t seen it yet.”

“I don’t know…” You begin, the mere thought putting a bad taste in your mouth. For obvious reasons. 

“Come on, please? I really want to see it, you were so excited about it,” Ruby begs, getting all antsy as she climbs all over you, literally pulling your arm to get you to cave in. “It’s short, too, isn’t it? Like forty-five minutes long? We can watch whatever you want afterwards. Please.”

You huff out a breath. If it were up to you, you would move that film onto a flash drive and toss it into a dumpster on fire. But it’s not just up to you. Ruby has been asking you about it since the day you told her you were filming it, and now all she wants to do is see the final result. And it’s only forty-five minutes long. What’s that when compared to the rest of your life?

“Fine,” you relent, not wanting to fight about it any longer. “Let me get my computer.”

Ruby cheers. 

You bring your laptop over to your coffee table, turning off the ceiling lights as Ruby tucks herself underneath a blanket, hands warmed by her steaming cup of tea. You pull up the movie file and, taking a deep breath, press play. 

It opens with your first interview with Taehyung, a muted, royalty-free lo-fi hip-hop song playing in the background. You had edited it so that it would jump back and forth between your answer and Jungkook’s, highlighting the contrast between the two of you. It was mostly for comedic purposes, just because seeing you deadpan about how love doesn’t exist and then quickly switching to Jungkook wax poetic about it is amusing, but watching it now just makes you want to curl into yourself. 

You should have known that this would have never worked out. Should have kept that same jaded attitude. You let your guard down for one second and look at what’s happened to you.

The next scene that Jungkook shows is, of course, the moment he spills burning hot coffee all over you in the middle of the Starbucks, comedically panning up to your positively-flabbergasted face just to add to the shock factor. Next to you, Ruby laughs at the mishap, obviously amused by the fact that the two of you are now drenched in coffee and scrambling to clean up the mess. You try to focus your energy on how peeved you were at Jungkook after he did that, but get distracted the moment he films himself wrapping his denim jacket around you, placing it over your shoulders and making sure it’s just right. 

He didn’t have to do that, and the two of you both knew it. But still, he sent you off your class all bundled up in a jacket that smelled like him, smelled of that boyish aroma that you couldn’t get rid of, even when you put it in the wash with your lavender detergent. All of Jungkook’s clothes smelt like that no matter how much cologne he put on, always smelt woody and thick. It would consume you, that scent, a cloud surrounding your figure whenever you were near him. 

The movie keeps playing, and you keep thinking about how much of a fool you must look like in it now, all giggles and smiles as Jungkook sings Frankie Valli to you while he hands you a rose, that same sly little smile dotting his features. Hearing the song again makes you feel like you’re choking, like something’s smothering you, and you’re not sure what it is until you realize that it’s the sound of Jungkook’s voice. 

You haven’t heard him sing since he serenaded you. 

Then it’s your first date, the one Ruby told you to wear the yellow dress to (“Hey, I told you you looked amazing in it! Wow!” Ruby exclaims when she sees you). You remember when you edited this, putting the clips together of you eating at the restaurant, wandering around the park, posing underneath the trees, holding hands. You were smiling so hard your cheeks hurt while you were editing, grinning from ear to ear at all of the things the two of you did together. They were so picturesque, those scenes, so perfectly shot, so romantici—t did a fine job of convincing you that it was all real. 

You even put in the little clip of you and Taehyung talking. A mistake, now that you look back on it, of course. It was so vulnerable, so real, so candid and honest like you said you would be, and now it’s all blown up in your face. You must have looked like such an idiot to Jungkook when he saw this scene for the first time in class. You remember the wide-eyed look on his face when it popped up. Like he couldn’t even believe you had done this in the first place. 

Scoffing, you shake your head. You either. 

The rest of it you can hardly bear to watch. Just a wrap-up of your relationship, a compilation of all of the small moments you shared when you didn’t realize that Jungkook was filming, when you dared whip out your camera to shoot for a second or two. Little clips that jump from scene to scene, shots of you laughing and eating and skipping along campus as you held hands. It’s hard to reconcile the fact that it’s all over. 

You don’t even listen to the final interview, not bothering to pay attention to what you or Jungkook have to say when you were there, when you can recall every word he’s ever spoken to you at the drop of a hat. 

The truth is, you were always a goner for him. 

And look how well that played out. 

By the time the kissing scene comes up once more, you’re ready to set your whole laptop alight. 

The screen turns black as it ends, fading away into nothingness, the instrumental slowly disappearing alongside the image. You shut your laptop when it’s all over, a little too angry for your own good, but you wrestle the scowl off your face as you take a drink of water from the glass sitting on the table. 

“Wow,” Ruby says, speechless. She blinks at your closed laptop. 

“Did you like it?”

“I—I don’t even know what to say,” Ruby says, which is a first. “It was amazing, Y/N. Seriously. Gorgeous. Like, cinematographically? Stunning. The shit on Netflix isn’t even as good as that.”

Even if you did have to sit through your stupid movie one more time, the compliments make you feel a bit better. “Thanks,” you murmur. 

Ruby nods enthusiastically. “It was incredible. I’m just—I’m in awe. You and Jungkook have a gift, dude. It was seriously one of the best things I’ve watched in a really long time. And, like, not even in a cheesy, yucky rom-com kind of way. It was so… so genuine. So real. Wow.”

“I’m glad you liked it.”

“You’ll have to tell Jungkook, too,” Ruby says. “He did really well.”

“Yeah, he’s a great actor,” you say, a little too bitterly for your own good. 

“What do you mean?” Ruby raises an eyebrow your way. “I didn’t think he was acting at all. It looked pretty real to me.”

You frown. “It did?”

“I mean, yeah,” Ruby says with an honest nod. “I mean, you did tell me it was a mockumentary and not just a run-of-the-mill rom-com. So wasn’t everything supposed to be real, anyway?”

“Yes…” you trail off, unsure of the direction of this conversation.

“Well, if you ask me,” Ruby says, all matter-of-factly, “I’d say he definitely fell in love with you.”

Something rushes through you. Something warm and bright and full of energy. 

Hope. 

Even though you have finished one of your finals early, finals week is still just as much of a slog as it always is. Three essays and two presentations deep, you aren’t finished any of them and the due dates are slowly creeping up on you, ready to pounce the moment the clock strikes twelve. 

Eh, it could be worse. You could be Ruby and have six timed, proctored final exams on biology, anatomy, and chemistry. So you suppose you can’t complain too much. 

Finals week sees you all holed up in your apartment like always, but more so this semester than any previous ones because you don’t feel like going to the library and risking seeing Jungkook there. Or anywhere, really. Since you presented on the last day of classes, you haven’t spoken since, and hopefully you can keep that streak going forever. You had made it until this semester without ever crossing paths despite being in the same major, so hopefully that luck will follow you. 

It’s almost midnight when you finally decide to call it quits for the night, having at least gotten mostly through two of your essays (just have to edit and proofread!) and worked on about half of your two presentations. Sighing, you get up from your couch and stretch, feeling your bones crack from sitting in the same place for hours on end. 

You lean over to the floor lamp by the edge of the couch, ready to flick it off and head to bed, when you hear something outside. 

“You’re just too good to be true…”

“Can’t take my eyes off of you…”

You freeze.

The voice is soft and mellow, a little muted because it’s making its way through your wooden door before it reaches your ears, but it is unrecognizable. Even without the acoustics of the Eighth Notes, you know who’s on the other side. 

“You’d be like Heaven to touch…”

“I wanna hold you so much…”

“At long last, love has arrived…”

“And I thank God I’m alive…”

Unable to resist, you wander to your front door, basking in the sound of him, in the way the notes float through the air as if on clouds, dancing along the walls as they sink into your brain. He sounds so sweet, voice warm like tea on a cold night, just singing his song on this empty, lonely night. But it’s not just his song, is it? 

It’s yours, too.

You pull open the door. 

“You’re just too good to be true,” Jungkook sings, a honeyed melody that calms the waves of your stormy heart, “can’t take my eyes off of you…”

But just because he’s here, serenading you once more, doesn’t mean he’s going to get it any easier from you. You fight to keep the smile off your face, pressing your lips together as you narrow your eyes at him. 

“I love you, baby, and if it’s quite alright, I need you, baby, to warm the lonely night…”

“I love you, baby, trust in me when I say…”

He meets your eyes with his own, and they aren’t glinting in the way they normally do, the way that they do when he knows he’s doing something to grind your gears, when he’s got a trick up his sleep. They gleam like pearls as the dim glow of your apartment lights up his figure, warm yellow mixing with the caramel in his irises.

“Oh, pretty baby, don’t bring me down, I pray…”

Oh, pretty baby, now that I’ve found you, stay…”

“And let me love you, baby…”

From behind him, Jungkook brings out a single red rose, twirling it between his fingers as he holds it out to you. 

“Let me love you…” He trails off there, voice delicate as vanishes into the chilly night air, disappearing between the two of you. 

You can’t help but take the flower from his hand. What else are you supposed to do?

“So?” Jungkook asks, hopeful. 

“Don’t think you can just show up at my apartment and woo me back by singing to me,” you chide, even though he definitely can. 

“I’m sorry,” Jungkook says simply, because there really is nothing else to say. “I should have told you.”

“I watched our rom-com again,” you tell him. “I should have believed you when you said you cared about me.”

“I always did,” Jungkook says. “I just wanted you to know that love was real, and that it was there for you.”

“I should have known,” you agree. You look up at Jungkook through lidded eyes, musing to yourself. “You know what I learned?”

Jungkook tilts his head in curiosity. “What?”

“That love isn’t a feeling. It’s a person,” you explain, sighing pleasantly. “Love comes to us through the things we share with other people. That’s what it is.” Your thumbs twiddle in front of you, the pads of your fingers rubbing at the stem of the rose.

He takes a single step forward, reaching out to take your hand in his own. “And are you pleased with who you’ve found?”

You roll your eyes. “Just shut up and kiss me already, you idiot.”

Jungkook obliges without a second thought. 

There is no one to film you this time, no project to work on. There is only you, and there is only him. And there is only a lifetime that the two of you share, a story that you have told together, piece by piece, frame by frame. Your movie didn’t end once you finished editing. Nor did it end the moment the screen went black in Pollack’s class. It wasn’t even over when you watched it a second time with Ruby. 

No, it continues on. Forever and ever, so long as you are with him. There will always be something new to capture, to burn into a disk so you’ll have it for eternity.

He pulls you in for a kiss and it’s not the end of the film. It’s the beginning of a brand new part, a new installment in the series that is your life with him. That is the relationship you have created together. His lips aren’t the fireworks as the credits roll. They are the scene where the two characters meet for the very first time and know that they were meant to be. The scene that sets all of the other ones in motion. That is who Jungkook is. That is what you are sharing, right now. 

A brand new frame. 

When you part, you press your forehead against his, soft blonde locks framing his face as they tickle your face, dancing along the skin of your cheeks.

“You called it a rom-com,” Jungkook points out randomly, just remembering now. 

“Well, isn’t it?”

“I don’t know…” Jungkook says, pretending to think about it as he rocks on the back of his feet. “Did it have a happy ending?”

You bring your lips to his once more, arms wrapped around his neck as you clasp the rose between your fingers. You make a mental note to press it later. Something else to remember him by. Something other than your movie. 

Jungkook pulls you into him once more, hands resting firmly on your waist, letting his body press against yours as you stand there in the muted light of your apartment’s living room, letting the cool spring breeze wash over you. You smile against his lips, feeling your heart race when he grins back. 

“Yes,” you declare proudly. 

And so, they lived happily ever after. 

↳ thanks for reading! don’t forget to let me know if you enjoyed it!

[rengoku-loves-you]

Jealous! Kyojuro x reader!!

Had to ask this, I love your writing way too much and I'm looking to forward on how you write it!💘

(do I need to specify more?)

(hi hun! you don't need to specify more, don't worry! i only encourage being more specific so i can give you lovelies exactly what you want, and the more details, the better! but short and sweet is good also, as long as you don't mind me taking creative liberties, haha :D i hope this is alright! thank you so much for your request! ❤️)

jealous!kyojuro x reader

he doesn't realize he's jealous, not at first. he's never been a jealous person at all, and he was always happy when the people he cared about got along with each other. he does, however, consider himself protective, and that's what he thought he was when he first felt that pang in his chest after he saw you talking to uzui, smiling and laughing away.

of course, he was glad to see you laughing! he knows he’s not a funny person, he doesn’t understand jokes at all, nor does he make any himself. he was just... concerned about you. uzui was his friend, and so were you, and he knew how overwhelming uzui could be at times if you weren’t prepared for his flamboyance.

yeah, he was just concerned. he wasn’t wishing that he could make you laugh like that. and if he was, it was only because he wanted to make you happy!

nothing else.

so when he gets that same gross feeling when he sees you talking casually to sanemi after a pillar meeting - sanemi, of all pillars - he does his very best to ignore it because he’s not jealous and he’s truly glad for you two! he just maybe, sorta wishes he were a part of the conversation, too. you, him, and sanemi. 

without the sanemi part, preferably.

then sanemi wraps an arm around your neck and scrubs his knuckles against your head, making you squirm and sputter out protests through your giggles, and. okay.

maybe he’s a little jealous.

sanemi spots kyojuro over your head, and he must say something about it because when he lets you go you turn around and see him, too. you smile, raising a hand to wave, and he returns the gesture with more enthusiasm than necessary. then you wave for him to come closer, and, well, it’s not like he can not listen to you, so he hurries over and keeps the smile plastered on his face.

“fancy seeing you two here!” he says, staring directly at sanemi. “i wasn’t aware you talked!” 

“well, yeah, we do missions together,” you say. kyojuro raises his brows, still not looking at you. 

“really!” he exclaims. “i didn’t know this!” sanemi’s eyes narrow as he shifts into a slightly defensive stance, refusing to break the staring contest kyojuro seems to have drawn him into. normally, the flame pillar is much more adverse to eye contact, and the sudden intensity unnerves him. especially paired with that big, blank grin that feels like a threat.

“our regions are right next to each other,” he explains tersely, trying to figure out why kyojuro seems to be so off. “our missions overlap a lot, so we help each other out sometimes.”

“really!” kyojuro says again, louder than before. “how very interesting!” you can believe he sounds sincere, but sanemi has known him longer, knows better, and he scoffs as he folds his arms.

“what’s your damn problem?” he demands, stepping into kyojuro’s space. kyojuro blinks up at him, not moving away even when their noses nearly touch.

“problem? what problem? i don’t have one!” and it would be convincing, too, if he hadn’t glanced over at you, only to realize you were staring at him with open concern. his attention snapped back quick, his cheeks turning pink.

say what you’d like about his temper, but sanemi shinazugawa is not stupid.

“yeah, sure you don’t,” he growls, but he can hardly bring himself to really be annoyed. 

“i don’t!” rengoku insists with a wide, bright smile. sanemi gives kyojuro’s shoulder a punch that’s a touch too aggressive to be friendly, then gives you a much more civil nod as kyojuro rubs his arm. 

“i’ve got things to do, anyway, so i’ll see you bastards later.”

“aw,” you say with a pout. “see you later, sanemi! stay safe!” he pats you on the head as you walk past, making you smile and playfully shove his hand away. you don’t notice how kyojuro watches your interaction with sharp eyes, pressing his lips into a thin line. he’s jealous, alright.

and you’re not stupid, either.

“alright,” you say once sanemi is out of sight, “what was that about?”

“what was what about?” kyojuro looks in your general direction, eyes big and innocent. you sigh, propping a hand on your hip and frowning at him. 

“that. between you and sanemi. i thought you were actually gonna throw down for a second there. so, what happened? did you two have a fight?” he’s nervous, now, gaze skittering all around your face but never settling.

“of course we didn’t,” he says. “if he’s upset with me, he attacks me until he gets bored and goes home!” which is true. you know it’s true because you’ve seen it happen. you’ve even stepped between them on occasion when you think it might be going too far.

“okay,” you say slowly. “so if you didn’t fight, what was it? i was sensing a lot of tension there.”

“i couldn’t tell you!” kyojuro crosses his arms. you continue to stare at him without a word, replaying the situation over in your head while he sweats. and before long, it hits you.

“you were jealous.” the way his eyes snap to yours far too quickly tells you everything you need to know. his mouth opens. then it closes again, and you raise an eyebrow, more amused than anything else. kyojuro never struck you as a jealous friend, but after practically chasing sanemi away from you, he proved that assumption wrong. honestly? it’s cute, if a little inconvenient to your social life.

“i... may have thought that i wanted to be talking to you instead,” kyojuro admits, very slowly, like the words cause him physical pain. “and maybe i was thinking that i want to make you laugh the way uzui can, or the way sanemi does. maybe i just want your attention sometimes, but you’re talking to someone else and i don’t want to interrupt. maybe i...” he looks down, his face flushing, and his voice gets so soft you have to lean closer. “...maybe i like you very, very much, and i want you to like me, too.”

your heart leaps.

“of course, i understand if you don’t feel the same!” he says loudly as he lifts his head again, throwing on false confidence the same way he throws on his haori every day. “the other pillars are all very amazing and likeable in their own ways, and i wouldn’t blame you if you happened to be interested in any of them instead! i only hope we can still be friends, and that you-!”

“you’re so stupid,” you interrupt, and he doesn’t have time to be offended before you move in and press your lips against his. 

it visibly takes him a moment to process, standing stiff and unresponsive, before he’s forcefully kissing you back, his hands rising to grip your forearms. you only pull back once your breath starts to run out, but he chases you, making you laugh as you turn your face away.

“kyo, come on, i need to breathe,” you say, and he retreats enough to give you the biggest, warmest grin in his arsenal, outshining even the sun. you breathlessly smile back, more than relieved that your feelings are mutual. you’re not sure how he didn’t notice you crushing on him pretty much since day one, but you’re here now, so you don’t particularly care anymore.

“you don’t need to make me laugh,” you tell him once you catch your breath, and his grin falters. “you don’t need to be like uzui or sanemi or shinobu or giyuu or anyone else. you don’t need to tell me weird stories or help me out on missions or hug me all the time to make me like you.”

“who hugs you all the time?”

“the point,” you emphasize, putting your hands on his cheeks and pulling him closer until your foreheads touch, “is that i like you the way you are. you’re sweet, you’re passionate, and you’re always so happy to see me that it makes my day. you’re likeable in your own way, kyojuro. and i just happen to like you more than everyone else.” his golden-red eyes are wide, so wide and shiny that you’re afraid he might cry. his hands come up to cover yours, gently holding them against his face. he whispers your name, and you kiss him one more time.

“so no more of this jealous stuff, okay?” you say, and he laughs, hiccuping and wet.

“i can’t make any promises!”

[cambria-writes]

happy update day!

i literally finished this an hour ago, then i ran out for an errand, and now here i am. i've started work on ch9, and i'm already like 30% done.

i don't really know how many more chapters we've got to go; we're just finishing up on episode 5 in this one, next chapter stars in episode 6 so... math says we've got like maybe five chapters to go? i'm probably gonna write eight more lmao i don't know when to stop. i lied cause i almost accidentally posted the wrong chapter lmao but we still got several chapters to go babes!!

my ask box is always open, i love reading your comments, and the taglist is always open!!

...i'm gonna go fix the format of the other fics so everything's consistent now lol we love aesthetic evolution

pairing: eddie munson x reader rating: T-M, each chapter rated individually warnings: guns, active shooting, minor character death, mention of a corpse, lots of swearing, reader passes out, ADND should come with its own warning, DND references in general, kind of an anxiety attack, let me know if i need to tag anything else! word count: 3,365

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𝕮𝖍𝖆𝖕𝖙𝖊𝖗 𝕾𝖊𝖛𝖊𝖓: 𝔄𝔰𝔱𝔯𝔞𝔩 𝔖𝔭𝔢𝔩𝔩

March 23rd, 1986

It takes maybe a second, but for that one second, you feel like your body’s being pulled in every single direction at once. Your stomach rises up into your throat and lights burst behind your eyelids, accompanied by the worst, searing pain. The only thing you can think of is not letting go of Eddie’s hand.

And then it stops as soon as it starts.

You’re on your knees, doubled over on the road, gasping for breath. It takes a few seconds of jamming the palms of your hands into your eyes to start seeing again. You think you hear Eddie somewhere off to your right. You struggle getting to your feet, the cold like claws digging into your muscles and your thin sweater is doing nothing to help.

When you feel for your nose, your hand comes away bloody again. Snort and spit out the blood before making your way over to Eddie. He’s at least still mostly standing, hands on his knees and trying to catch his breath. He holds an arm out to keep you away while he straightens up.

“I’m good,” He croaks. “Just need a sec.”

“We don’t have a second,” you whisper harshly, moving forward to grab him by the arm. “We need to go.” You don’t listen to his complaints as you start dragging him towards the road. “Mind the vines.”

“The hell do you mean mind the vines?”

“Exactly what I said,” you reply, picking up the pace once Eddie seems to be able to move on his own. “Your lich king uses them to track movement or something, it’s some weird kinda hive mind.”

“Hive mind? You’re kidding me.”

“Wait, hey—don’t do that!” you shout, pulling him back from one of the thicker vines by the side of the road. “You wanna fucking die in this place cause that’s a good way to do it!”

Eddie turns around to look at you and his face is blank for a second. “You’re... really not kidding.”

“Look around you, Ed! Does it look like I’m kidding?” You put your arms out and take a few steps back. “Look, actually look. Does this look like home to you?” You scoff and turn back towards the road. “Come on. It wasn’t too far.”

It takes a bit before you hear Eddie jogging to catch up with you. He stays silent while he walks to your right. You flex your fingers around the handle of the gun and keep staring straight ahead.

“So you...” Eddie trails off, walking a bit closer to brush your shoulders together. “You’ve been having nightmares about this place the whole time?”

“Yep,” you emphasize the P with a pop. “November 1983.”

“Wait, isn’t that when the Byers kid went missing?”

You hum and shrug, take a second to jump over a particularly large vine crossing the road. “Yeah, well. Everything kind of all went to shit from thereon out. Clearly,” you motion vaguely around young. “It hasn’t stopped.”

“So like, how much further?” Eddie asks, and the nervous edge on his voice could probably be heard from a mile down the road.

You take a second to squint and try and look further down the road. There doesn’t seem to be anything for as far as you can see. You grab at Eddie’s arm to make him stop.

“It... it shouldn’t be farther out than this,” you say quietly, turning to look around. “Do you see anything?”

“Nah,” Eddie answers slowly. “I’m not... are you sure this is the right way?”

“I thought so...” you trail off.

When you turn back to face the way you were going down, you get the same creeping feeling at the back of your neck as you did earlier.

“Eddie, I think we need to go back.”

“Oh, now you’re agreeing that this is a terrible idea,” he scoffs.

You’re about to smack him when something snaps in the woods off to your left. You raise your gun and make sure it’s cocked.

“Hey, what the hell was that?” Eddie whispers, side stepping a few feet to get closer to you.

“I don’t know,” you whisper back, keeping your gun aimed at the woods but slowly stepping back. “We should probably—”

Something rushes out of the trees and skitters to a stop in the middle of the road, about thirty or fourty feet ahead of out. You stop breathing for a second, until the thing turns its head towards you, and its entire face opens up with a flower and a a deafening screech.

“Holy shit,” Eddie breathes, grabbing your shoulder and pulling you back. “take us back, take us back!”

You pull the trigger once and miraculously, despite shaking hands and the missing ability to breathe, you manage to hit the thing straight in whatever it has that passes for a mouth. It lets loose another screech before it starts running right at you.

“What the hell was that for?!” Eddie screams, dragging you back to start running. “We have to go!”

“Shit, shit, shit I’m trying!” you shout back, flailing to grab a hold of Eddie’s arm. “Stay still!”

“Are you fucking crazy?!”

You dig your heels in to make Eddie stop and pull him back to you. You can hear the thumping of the monster running behind you, but you close your eyes against everything anyways.

The sound of feet hitting pavement fades away with the screech and Eddie’s screaming. And for a second, again, you feel that weightlessness and gut-wrench. When the ground meets your feet again, though, you don’t have any strength in your legs left to hold you up and you crumple in the middle of the road, boneless.

“Fuck, fuck!” Eddie screams, and you can barely lift your head to look at him. When you do, your vision is too blurry to make anything out.

You do, however, see a body on the pavement, just behind him.

“Ed,” you whisper, pulling an arm out from under you. “Ed, be... behind you,” you choke out, pointing.

“Wh-what are you,” he starts, but stumbles back clean onto his ass after he turns around. “Holy shit,” he whimpers, twisting to look back at you. “He—Chrissy—”

“Ed,” you mumble, letting your cheek rest back on the road. “I’m gonna... I’m gonna pass out.”

“What? Wait, no, no, no—”

The funny thing about unconsciousness is that it’s not quite a lack of consciousness. It’s like you can feel and hear everything in bursts, but only in some kind of periphery.

You can feel yourself being carried, kind of, and you can hear someone talking, almost, but none of it ever feels close enough to properly register, and you can barely remember any of it a few seconds after you almost feel it.

When you open your eyes again, it’s still pitch black outside if the curtained window is anything to go by, but there’s light coming from down the hallway from the bedroom. Your whole body aches—you can feel scrapes on your legs against your jeans and your palms are burning. There’s a headache blooming behind your eyes again, and it nearly burns every time you breathe in through your nose.

When you groan and try to roll over, you entirely miscalculate how far the edge of the bed is, and fall clean off when you can’t get your legs around in time. The sound must clearly alert Eddie in whichever part of the house he’s in, because no sooner does your head meet the floor do you hear clattering, swearing, and furious stomping down the hall. You’ve managed to prop yourself up on your elbows by the time he reaches the doorway.

“H-hey, you,” you try to greet casually, but the migraine splitting your skull is making it hard to get anything else out.

“Don’t “hey you” me you fucking menace,” Eddie grumbles, moving over to reach under your arms to help you back up to sit on the bed. He crouches in front of you when you’re settled, elbows on his knees and head hanging with a sigh. “You mind telling me what happened and why you felt the unrestrained need—“ Eddie cuts himself off when his voice begins to rise and he sees you visibly wince at the volume. “Sorry, sorry. Just, what happened?”

You shrug and pinch your eyes shut. “I really don’t know. It’s like that second plane shift took it all out of me.” Eddie nods for a second, but seems to realize something and shakes his head furiously.

“Yeah, okay, that’s good to know and everything, but I was talking about that freaky dog thing that ran right for us with the venus fly trap face.”

You snort at the description but stay quiet for a second, trying to think through the migraine. “Henderson called them, uh… Demodogs? I think? They’re like the Demogorgon but quadrupedal instead of bipedal.”

You can hear Eddie cursing Dustin under his breath before he puts his hands on your knees. “Anything else you can tell me?”

You frown and shake your head a bit. “Any-anything else? What—”

“I dunno, like, how to kill them? What they’re susceptible to? Literally anything?”

You bring your hands up to your face and dig your fingers into your eyes. “I can’t-I can’t think. Can you get my painkillers or something? My head’s killing me.”

Eddie rushes out of the room without a word. You let yourself fall back on the bed. Try to recall the nightmares from before. There was that time two years ago when Chief Hopper was stuck in the tunnels and he managed to clear the vines with fire… so maybe your harebrained thought of making a flamethrower wasn’t too absurd after all.

“Here,” Eddie says, entering the room while shaking a pill bottle out into his hand. He caps it back up and grabs the bottle of water he had wedged under his arm and hands it to you.

You sit back up with a groan and whisper your thanks. Twist open the bottle, accept and throw back the pills, and drain half the bottle in one go. When you gasp and wipe your mouth, you take the time to properly look at Eddie.

He’s pale, clearly shaken up. And now that you’re paying attention, you can see the trembling of his hands on his knees as he crouches in front of you, and you can make out a bead of sweat going down his neck. You reach out to wipe away a smear of something from his cheekbone with your thumb.

Your nose feels itchy and your eyes are burning. “I’m sorry,” you breathe. Swallow thickly. “I-I’m so sor—”

“Hey, no,” Eddie mutters, holding onto the wrist nearest his face and bringing his other hand up behind your neck. “Hey, none of this is your fault. We’re both just caught up in some bullshit, we didn’t ask for it. You’re good.” He gives the back of your neck a squeeze and you let yourself fall into his shoulder. “You’re good. We’re fine. We’re gonna be fine.”

“Man I’m sorry for crying you much,” you choke out between sobs, grabbing at Eddie’s denim vest. “I just—I can’t—”

“None of that.” The fact that you can hear the shaking in Eddie’s voice tears a desperate wail from you. “It’s okay, just let it out. Just let it out.”

And you do.

All the fear and the frustration, the confusion; you sob it out. The consuming rage of not being listened to, of being called insane; the confusion of never knowing when you’ll end up in that-that hellscape again, and whether or not it’s going to be real; the certainty that if you talk about what happens to you again that you’ll just be sent back to another hospital. Maybe permanently this time.

Worst of all is the knowing, now, that all your nightmares were real. Maybe the details were off, here and there, but the people you saw dead died. There is another Hawkins and there are monsters there. And, for some god forsaken reason, you can go there.

“Hey,” you hear Eddie whisper your name. “Can-can you breathe with me? Can you do that?” he asks, and the fingers at the back of your neck start to scratch lightly at your nape. It takes a second, but you nod; you know you’re hyperventilating, now that the crying has stopped, and you know you need to get a grip. “Alright, okay,” Eddie continues, resting his chin on top of your head. “In seven, hold for two, out for four. Got it? In seven, hold two, out four.”

You nod again, and try inhaling when he does. When you start coughing, he whispers that it’s okay, and you try again. After a few failed attempts, and once the burning in your chest starts subsiding, you finally manage to match your breathing to the rise and fall of Eddie’s chest.

“There you go,” he sighs on the exhale, giving the back of your neck one last squeeze before moving his hands to your shoulders and pulling you away just enough to get a good look at you. “Hey there.”

“Hey,” you whisper back, doing your best to offer a watery smile. Take a deep breath. “Thanks. For helping.”

“Well, hey,” Eddie chuckles, patting your right shoulder. “Thanks for not letting me get eaten by a freaky carnivorous plant dog.” You close your eyes and let yourself laugh, even if it’s still a bit shaky.

“Yeah,” you nod, patting him on the chest. “Well. Can’t let my therapist die in a parallel universe. Who else is gonna listen to my bullshit?”

Eddie helps you to your feet once you feel like you’ve got a good enough grasp on yourself again. Mentions that he’s been poring over his books since he brought you back to the house for lack of a better thing. Has been checking in on you every other hour to make sure you were still breathing. Cleaned your face off, because it was ‘covered in blood like you’d walked straight out of Carrie or something’.

“Did you let the others know what happened?” you ask once you’re sat at the table with the rest of your bottle of water. Looking around you can see that Eddie’s covered the windows nearby with blankets, cushions and other fabric you think might be clothes. The lantern in the center of the table casts enough light to see most everything around you, including several books laid out and overlapping on the table.

“Yeah,” he grunts, letting himself down on the chair. He waves you off when you frown in concern. “They’re all a little… occupied right now, but one of the brats should come with their designated escort later.”

“You mean Harrington,” you correct, a bit absently, pulling one of the D&D books closer to you. A quick flip of the cover tells you it’s the Dungeon Master’s guide. “Did you find anything interesting while I was passed out?”

“Actually,” Eddie starts, flipping covers and going through the books on the table before he pulls one out from beneath the guide you have in front of you. It’s thin, and you never would’ve known it was there. “I felt so stupid not thinking of it first but… here.” He slaps his hand down and flattens the booklet before spinning it around to hand it over to you. “Right there,” he points to the page on your right.

“This… is this a spell list?” you ask, a little bit incredulously.

“The magic-user spell list yeah—that’s not the point. Look,” he leans over the table to tap at a column at the bottom of the right page. “The ninth level spells.”

“Gate,” you breathe, frowning and leaning down closer. “Astral Spell, Power Word: Kill…” You bring your hand up to the book and look at the other columns. “Telekenesis, Wizard Eye, Projected Image, Dimension Door—”

“Everything you’ve seen,” Eddie starts, slowly lowering himself back down in his chair. “All of it, it’s all there. Even the monster shit, it’s all there.”

You let out a quiet gasp, and turn the page. You zero in on the title at the top of the left page:

SPELLS TABLE

Clerics

“Hold up,” up say, raising your hand over the table and motioning to be handed something. “I’m not seeing plane shift in here.” You look up at Eddie, who seems to take a second before registering what you’ve said before snapping his fingers and going through a few books on the table before picking up up and passing it over.

“It’s, uh, I think it’s page fourty?”

You flip through the pages and land on the one mentioned, and there it is at the bottom. The cleric spell list.

“There is it,” you exclaim, pointing down and looking up. “Plane shift.” You look back down at the page and frown, “This is level five shit though. I don’t know that…”

“Don’t, you don’t know that what,” Eddie asks after you stay quiet for a few seconds. You flip through a few more pages, take a second to read and lean back in your chair.

“True Seeing,” you say quietly, gesturing at the book. “I mean, I definitely don’t need some kind of-of mushroom ointment for my eyes, but that sounds about right.”

“Anything else sound familiar?” Eddie asks, clasping his hands in front of him over the book on the table. You bite your lip and look down again, sigh and shrug.

“I-I mean I don’t know? Augury, maybe, I guess?” You let a hand trail down the columns. “I really don’t know, most of this shit just kind of happens to me, I don’t exactly try to do any of it.”

“But you tried with Plane Shift,” Eddie points out, taking the book back and flipping it around to take a look at it. “And you’ve basically done Astral Spell before even if you were kind of, y’know. Unconscious.”

You cross your arms and narrow your eyes at the man sitting across from you. “You’re not actually suggesting I do what I think you’re suggesting I do.”

Eddie’s grin could split his face with how wide it is.

“No. No, absolutely not,” you growl out, slamming your hands down on the table. “Are you forgetting that just the plane shifting almost got us killed? How about the part where I passed the fuck out as soon as I got us back? The bleeding? Nuh-uh,” you conclude, crossing you arms again and kicking the table. “No fucking way.”

“Come on,” Eddie pleads, putting his elbows and slapping his hands together almost supplicantly. “It can be something easy, totally inconsequential. Like,” he looks down between his elbows before looking back up. “Cure Light Wounds! You get a papercut—”

“Boy, are you stupid—”

“Or what about Silence? Speak With Animals should be—”

“Eddie!”

He flinches back a bit in his seat, but otherwise puts his hands up in surrender. You sigh and pinch the bridge of your nose in irritation.

“I’m not a test subject, Ed,” you whisper, letting your hand fall down in your lap and giving him a look you hope is just shy of begging. “Right now I just. Can we just like, get high and pig out on junk food or something?”

Eddie sighs and has the decency to look apologetic. “I don’t have anything on me, princess. Kind of didn’t really have the time to grab anything when we…”

He trails off and you don’t need to hear the rest of the sentence. “Right, well at least we have beer,” you say as you get up and head over to the fridge. “You did put it in the fridge right?”

“Yeah, but I mean, shouldn’t you be drinking, like, water or something a little more—”

“I just woke up from passing the fuck out after basically teleporting us twice and dodging a hellhound in literal, actual hell,” you call from the fridge. You pick up two bottles, scoff and put them back in the case before taking the whole thing out. “I deserve a fucking break from this bullshit.”

𝓣𝓪𝓰𝓵𝓲𝓼𝓽

@anothermunsonsimp @doratheignora @storiesbyrhi

[bigskydreaming]

That last reblog has me also thinking again about my general dislike of how many of the people who most lean INTO Jason’s abusive childhood like....tend to amplify his anger issues or casual tendencies towards violence (even with friends and family) while blithely acting like that’s no big deal.

Its why I get so pissed off at fics that not only acknowledge and justify Jason hitting Dick after Spyral.....but that like, go out of their way to REPLICATE that shit. There’s a whole mini-trend of fics out there where “Jason hits Dick while he’s angry about something and Dick apologizes and nobody ever thinks twice about how this is not in any way healthy or good for EITHER of them” is like, a literal fucking trope.

And I hate it, thanks.

But I particularly hate it because sorry not sorry, I just think that Jason fans who embrace him as a poor little meow meow who knows all about what its like to be casually battered and harmed by alleged loved ones taking out their anger on him.....

SHOULD BE REALLY FUCKING MAD ABOUT THIS KINDA CHARACTERIZATION FOR JASON, NOT JUST BLITHELY REPEATING IT OVER AND OVER.

Because its a PROBLEM that the one member of the Batfam that nobody thinks twice about being violent with other members of his family - even when they’re not being written as actual antagonists, and he’s hanging around with them as part of the general Batfam cast - just so happens to be the one infamous for how much of his own emotional hang-ups and hurts come from his abusive childhood where he was victim to that exact kind of thing.

Sorry not sorry but I’ll forever think its a PROBLEM that so few people ever even stop to think that it actually might not be good to just obliviously buy into the idea that Jason repeats the exact same emotional beats people emphasize him being a victim to as a child.....and NOBODY ANYWHERE - least of all Jason himself - ever second-guesses this tendency, views it as something he’d probably like to put a stop to, etc.

Like, writing Jason punching Dick any time he’s mad in a story....that’s a CHOICE. And its not one that ANY fic writer HAS to make.

So before people make it, what if they stopped and asked themselves, hey self? Is it maybe....Not Good, to just.....assume that Jason’s only method of handling his anger and frustration is by mimicking the abusive parent he hates because of how that parent’s abuse made HIM feel?

Literally just give Jason more tools for coping and a little self-awareness, that’s all I’m saying.

You don’t actually HAVE to write him perpetuating the same shit he grew up with, and you sure as hell don’t have to do it while being utterly oblivious that’s what you’re doing - because it seems so natural and obvious to you as a character beat, you don’t even stop to question WHY that is, or whether it SHOULD seem like the only possible take on Jason’s character.