#I don't make nearly enough money at my job and I also wanna work there less often and try to find a better job

[aberooski]

Starting to think about opening comms again.

[reikunrei]

feeling incredibly averse to posting this but i'm just gonna drop my kofi link here in case anyone wants to help me get out of my increasingly shitty situation living with my parents

more info below ig

after having given my parents nearly $100k over the last four years, i'd love to be able to actually leave. my future job situation is still up in the air (i've submitted for about a dozen positions and the only one i've heard back from and interviewed for hasn't gotten back to me yet), and i haven't been able to build up any savings because, again, i was (and still am) helping my family afford rent and bills, and probably the taxes my parents are behind on, but if i think about that, i'll get too angry. no joke, i've given my family, at the bare minimum, 85% of my income over the last 4 years. the rest of it has gone toward medical stuff and, now, my car

at this point, with the combo of my mom refusing to lower her standards and my dad's seeming refusal to hunt for a new full time job, i don't see how they won't continue to bleed me dry. my dad even has a bad habit of taking money out of my old savings account that he's a joint owner on or whatever from when i got it set up when i was 16, even when i stopped actively putting money in it, so now any time it gets its automated $1 transfer from my checking account, he'll just take that $1 without consulting me. i'm not exaggerating, even if it has $1-2 in it, it'll be gone within a week

i've even put off starting on testosterone because of this. i wanted to start it like 3 years ago, but kept putting it off because of money issues and wanting to save as much as possible. i got really close to actually starting it this year, but because of how messy everything is, i put it off again bc having one more thing on my plate, especially when my parents are already weird about me being trans, was not something i wanted to deal with

not to mention, we're still currently not living under a lease in our house that we're, as far as i'm aware, still tens of thousands of dollars behind in rent on (again, my dad refuses to disclose our financial position honestly with any of us) and it's developed many, many issues bc the landlord, even before we were behind on rent, is shit and refuses to actually fix anything. and my dad loves to just ignore things unless we beg him to do something

i'd love to be on my own (in the, much more affordable, midwest) by the end of summer. i by no means want to rely on donations and i have other avenues i'm working with to make money (i still have my current full time job, but i'm going through my old belongings and selling a lot online), but i'll take any help i can get atp because i'm truly at my wits end. i'd start doing art commissions again if i could, but doing that from 2020-2022, partially on top of my full time job, absolutely wrecked my right hand and i'm still in enough pain that i can't make it a regular activity

idk how much else there is to say. there's more i could say but... i don't really wanna air all my dirty laundry here. i'm miserable in so many ways and it's just become increasingly clear that my dad expects me to constantly cover his ass. my younger brother gives money too, but he manages to go on big cross-country and overseas trips with friends, so i think i've been stuck with the burden of giving the most money. there's so many more things going on in the world rn and everyone is stretched thin so i don't expect much, or anything, but. idk. might as well throw it out there, right?

i’ve also since taken down the gfm i set up last year when we got our first eviction notice bc, while we still need the money, i don’t feel right keeping it up for multiple reasons, including “i don’t want to give any of that money to my family” and it feels too… serious to keep it up when i could just throw out my kofi instead

i just want to make sure i have some sort of safety net to catch me if i move before anything job-wise is finalized. i need to be able to afford a place to live for at least a month so i can job-search while physically being in the area i wanna move to, which would ultimately make it easier for me to find a job at all. i'm working on being more firm with giving less money so i can actually have the means to move and be safe and comfortable, but... that never lasts long in this house

anyway. that's it, i guess. thanks for reading

[drhenryblack]

Finally got some fucking motivation

So, finally, I'm explaining the "Human AU" cause I'm happy my post got attention. And, please, I don't wanna sound cringe or anything but seriously, thank you for the amount of attention I've gotten over my posts, I really appreciate it. Now, time to get going! This story follows our soppy wet cat, dear darling Pomni, who's on a hunt for a part-time job because her job at C&A is not getting her enough money and she can't live on ramen and tap water forever. So, she gets a job at "The Amazing Digital Circus", a circus that uses modern-day technology like holograms and sound effects in its weekly shows. She joins and meets her now co-workers. There's Gangle, your classic introverted theater kid. Zooble, the puzzle master who despite her "I am done with your shit" behavior, is surprisingly good at entertaining kids. Kinger is a magician but also helps in the accounts. Ragatha, the human pincushion, and finally, Jax and Kaufmo, the brother comedians. She, at first, joins as a temporary employee, just ment to help before performance and all that, until she meets...him. Caine, the ringmaster. But what's worse, is that she's seen him, the REAL him. That look haunts her. Those unusually perfect teeth, that cracked skin that haunting feeling of seeing his jaw open abnormally wide. But what's worse is that somehow, he wants to promote her to be a permanent employee, mostly ever since he heard that she worked for C&A...weird... But shit gets a lot worse when one day, she has to stay after hours and sees some shit she dosen't want to. There he was, Caine, surrounded by nearly 50 men, guns, armor, what not. But it didn't last long. She covered her mouth, breath hitching in her throat as he ripped of his skin. 'one...two...three' He grabbed them, and slowly, it all went down... blood...scream...yell...help...muscle...intestine...stomach...teeth...sharp...gun...monster...tears...help...help...help She couldn't move, not one bit. Her body frozen as if ice. Each one of them, each one of them...each one those men...ripped, killed, shredded, broken, yelling. Yes, her life was gonna go to shit. Now she's wondering how the hell she's ever gonna face her boss, who apparently is an AI experiment who escaped C&A, the very place she currently worked for. No wonder he wanted to make her a permanent employee! I mean she knew her jokes were so bad that people laughed at them, but not that much! She doesn't know what to do, but then it hit her... When he got to know she was a C&A employe, why didn't he fire her at that moment? ... ... shit... she's in love with her boss... her life really was going to shit... So know were left with a traumatized Human-AI who's pretending he's not a fucking monster and another traumatized little wet cat wondering how the hell she even fell for him in the first place. And that's as far as I've fucking gotten. Working on a fic and a lot of art. Just waiting to get back home so I can post them. See ya'll, and the next time you'll see me, is with food.

[goose-duck]

Creepypasta x reader

Obscene Normality (ch.1)

~~~~~~

Obtusely normal reader bc I'm tired of reader being either some cute little critter or some badass killer or smth idk free me, this story is trying to be realistic but also not, yknow? Maybe you don't, but I do.

What's it about? Well, it's just you interacting with the creepypastas but it's realistic, kinda, I'm trying my best. That's the gist of it.

Characters: Hoodie, masky, toby, you

Probably shorter than you expect, I tend you give up half way with stories, so, maybe this'll have a few parts to it or smth

~~~~~~

I was chilling at my job. It's a 9-5 job, very fun. Actually, it doesn't completely suck, I'm almost my own boss so that's fun. I'm daytime security at a museum in a small town. We get two guests a day if we're lucky, it's nothing special. The place functions more as a pit stop for directions but some people actually care about the artifacts and information. Not me though, I honestly can't be bothered. It's not that I don't like learning about this stuff, it's just, I work here, so, I don't wanna, yknow? Gotta be as defiant as defiant ad possible I guess.. maybe I should talk to a therapist about that...eh...I don't have the money...hence why I work six days a week. Yeah. Six. Anyway, not the point. I'm the only person here. You'd think there'd be someone who specializes in historical stuff, or at least my boss, but no. It's just me. So, as you'd imagine I get the creeps sometimes, but ultimately it's nit that bad, I have internet and no one to tell me what I can and can't do so I just chill all day and get paid for it. I don't get a lunch break though, which i think is illegal, but I don't care enough to deal with it.

Today is another normal day, as previously mentioned, nothing ever happens here. So I'm just sitting at a desk in the library part of the building, it's just got death records in it, nothing special, I organized them when I first got here three years ago. Crazy...it's been three years, you'd think I'd have gone crazy with such a lovey job by now, but I've still got most of my marbles. Or maybe those are dice? Where are my dice..? Probably somewhere in my room...I should clean up after work...that sounds like something smart for me to do.

A few odd guys walk in the front door. Not my place to judge...but.. they look off. Maybe they're cosplayers? But what are they doing at a museum...whatever...like I said, not my place to judge. However...no one will reprimand me for drawing these strange guys.. so that's what I'll do. I begin drawing the first one I saw...he has a mask or mussel on his face...seems like he's got a gash on his cheek hidden under it. I run my tongue along the scar on my inner cheek...I used to chew on my cheek..is that what would have happened if I never stopped? I guess that makes sense...but why the face covering? And the goggles? Eh...my dad wears sunglasses inside, this isn't nearly as bad, at least these have some style to them and match the rest of this guy's outfit. There's this other guy, ugly yellow hoodie...sorry yellow lovers...but he doesn't make it work. He's got a robbers mask with a red frowny face on it...uh...let's hope he doesn't rob the place, I don't wanna have to do my job. Now for the third guy...mask guy...sideburns guy...less in shape markiplier? I don't know...I wonder if he's good looking under the mask...I like his physic...I shouldn't be fantasizing about random men I see while at work. Sorry. Who am I apologizing to? This is definitely becoming a problem...I'm apologizing to myself for being weird now.

The masked man walks over to me, he just kinda looks at me, nods, then continues on his way. I think he was trying to reassure me they aren't here to steal.. given their outfits that's appreciated...I guess maybe they really are just cosplayers...maybe I should ask who the characters are? Do I care enough for that? Yeah...but I'll let them walk around a but first...I'll ask when they're on the way out.

After a little while I get bored of just sitting around so I start wondering around the building...maybe I'll run into the guys again. Oh wow...that was quick. It didn't take long to run into the trio again, they're standing around some death records, looking for someone...obviously.

"Yo, need anything? I can help if you're looking for someone." I say politely but still trying to keep it casual.

The man in the hoodie responds, "No, but thank you. We'll just look for ourselves." He's kind about it, but I get the feeling he just wants me to leave.

I notice the guy with the goggles twitching.. I wonder what neurological disorder he has..not my business. I turn around and walk away. I'll ask about the cosplays later. I decided to just go wait around at the front doors so I won't miss them when they leave. I just lollygag around, playing games on my phone to pass the time.

It doesn't take long before the men are back, looking like they're going for the exit, I quickly get their attention, "hey, yall enjoy your time here?"

The twitchy man with the goggles answers, "Y-yeah it.. it was good. Found what I I I...I was looking for." He seemed to be getting annoyed by his own tics and stuttering as he talked.

The masked man and hooded man both nod in agreement with goggles' response.

"That's good!" I give them a soft smile, "may I ask something before you leave?"

"Sure." The hooded man blankly states.

I get a little nervous, holding my hands together and twiddling my thumbs, what if I'm wrong and they just dress like this? Maybe I won't ask...

"Uh...um...ah...never mind." I stammer out tp the three men.

The masked man rolls his eyes, "okay, bye then."

I quickly respond with a small wave, "see ya! Have a nice day!"

The three men then leave and I'm left all alone again.

...yay.

[jasntodds]

I really liked titans portrayal of Gotham city and the Gotham tv series portrayal of the city, and this may sound ridiculous to say but at least for my liking there is not enough Gotham in the batman movies I get that the focus is on batman and whatever loon he's facing but giving some deeper focus to the nitty gritty and utter strangeness of the city and 'average' Gotham citizens is something that I just require lol

I really did not know all that, oh my gosh you're telling me we are legit not gonna see that little bastard (said with such affection) Jason todd version ever ever again because one dude wants his universe to be the only one!?- that is some playground level nonsense and honestly with this many characters and this many storyline possibilities it is just unfair not to make a bunch of universes and that way fans can pick and choose which ones they wanna follow. Like I know some people didn't like the arrowverse (I fucking loved it) but if there's different options you don't have to watch the one you don't like cuz it's not the only one available y'know

Bruce killed the Joker for Jason (that is so huge) heaven above let titans live on for a little bit 😢 a redhood spin off with him attempting to clean up his own mental state and Gotham city with Barbara's help and we could've gotten to see more gotham villians heck Tim could have been included here and there in it cuz he's Robin now, bestie I wanna pull my hair out. And the fight scenes in titans was like near netflix Daredevil level beauty, the brutality shown in some characters (ahem dick and jason) contrasted with how you know that they're good inside that their heart is in the right place (esp dick) but you can visibly see the brokenness

I'm just getting back into titans now, it took forever where I am for season 4 to come on netflix and I still haven't watched s4 yet (I did skip all the way til nearly the end just to watch the episode with redhood lol but oh my seeing Tim be robin was cool)

I kinda really need to see Jason dealing with what he did to poor Hank (hank was one of my favs I cannot believe he didn't get to just nicely retire with dawn 😢)

Okay no but you're right!! I started rewatching Gotham like 2 weeks ago actually lmao and the pure joy the cutscenes bring me just because the city looks so GOOD is insane hjdgfkdh Both Gotham and Titans did a really good job at showing how gritty and gloomy Gotham is while also allowing it feel very organic and completely normal for everyone living there. (like the Titans being a little confused with Gotham stuff happening but you have Dick, Jason, and Babs just rolling with the punches). Tbh I think every Batman related movie/show needs to show the city more like Titans and Gotham because I think showing how Gotham IS explains a lot of why Bruce and the rest of the batfam and villains are the way they are

Nope!! I'm assuming we'll see a version of Jason and Dick (at the very least) at some point but they won't be Titans versions and won't be the same actors. LITERALLY WHAT I'M SAYING!!!! I physically do not care what his role is. He shouldn't be able to just be the only one (again same goes for Marvel). But yes exactly!!!!! Like if there are different universes with a bunch of content for all of them, then like................that's more money?? lmao At the end of the day, studios like making money and if there is only one universe and 1 version of the characters, like you said, some people won't want any part of it because they won't like it. But, if there's another universe for them to watch, they might like that one!!! I have NO desire to watch The Flash movie and it kind of ruins it because actor. But, the show?? It's one of my favorites and I loved Grant Gustin as Barry and Keiynan Lonsdale as Wally jkdfhgkdj (I mean the whole cast of the show tbh is so good). I know James Gunn probably thinks it'll work because he worked for Marvel and it worked for them but DC isn't Marvel lmao AND IT SHOULDN'T BE. DC should be different, that's what makes it fun but having to watch 30 fucking movies to understand shit is not fun when I don't like Miller or Momoa or the kid from Santa Clarita Diet who's gonna be in the Superman movie please I don't wanna watch THOSE to watch the shit I want to see (Blue Beetle, I will watch you soon). I wanna watch Titans lmao

OMG BUT TIM WAS SUPPOSED TO BE APART OF THE SPIN-OFF 😭😭😭 That's part of why I'm so angry. Jason is my favorite batfam member, immediately followed by Tim. And those two don't get along often in comics so ya know, the show was NICE and the spinoff could have been EVEN BETTER. (I also just adore Jay as Tim. He will also be MY Tim Drake). I could actually write a whole think piece of morality of Dick and Jason IN Titans lmao because yes the fight scenes were ALWAYS so good (I love the one in the alley in season 1 episode 1 with Dick as Robin idk and Dick and Jason's fight in the words in season 3 episode 4) but yeah no they did such a good job with showing how they can pull their punches but also fight to the death if they really need to but that doesn't make either of them bad. For both of them, it's about the greater good and they just have different viewpoints of what that means because they're both absolutely fucked up (which is also great because it goes the same in the comics and it makes them SO MUCH more interesting as characters). It shows no one is all good and no one is all bad.

jfghdfgfh omg it took so long!!!!! I hope you enjoy season 4!! It definitely wasn't as good as 2 or 3 imo but it was fun!! Episode 9 is really good!! I still smile like an idiot whenever I think about that episode with Jason lmao Tim finally gets his Robin suit thinking he's hot shit and Jason's like "Dude is gonna get his dumbass fucking killed LOL". Episode lives rent-free in my mind forever

Same though!! I need to know like what he did ?? Did he reach out to Dawn to offer an apology?? Did Tim tell Jason he met Hank when he died?? I don't know how he'd ever get over the guilt but I'd love to see the angst that could have brought us!! I wasn't a huge Hank fan but I was still jaw on the floor shocked when it happened and I felt so bad for him skdfh like poor Hank he didn't deserve to be exploded

[satanfemme]

contemplating/venting about work under the cut

also. fuck my job for giving us such a low borderline-meaningless raise. I wanna know what kinda raise the CEO got this year. all the higher-ups are like "YAYYY!! you guys are making more now!!! isn't that so exciting ^_^!! see! we care about our employees!!" meanwhile it's still nowhere near enough to live on, all of my coworkers and I are poor as fuck, and the job is inherently emotionally/physically destructive. it's a sacrifice we all knowingly signed up for, but NOT for the "reward" of poverty. imho.

I have coworkers living with both a partner AND roommates just to afford one tiny apartment. one of my coworkers moved down the street from work to save on gas money (among other reasons). lots of us have side hustles, needless to say. whenever I mention having a whole studio apartment for myself, the first thing I'm always asked is "HOW?!?!?! how do u afford that?!?!?!" and of course the answer is "I don't, lol. nearly all of my paycheck goes towards it and then I take on debt to afford most other things". but I mean, look at that exchange, isn't that insane? an adult mentions to a co-worker that they're renting one (1) shitty room for themself and a dog to spend most of their time in, and the co-worker's immediate reaction is shock cause that's a fucking Luxury lifestyle? might as well say I own a yacht. but the reaction is literally rational and correct!!!!! it's so depressing. it's so so depressing that this is just reality. our CEO was making the equivalent of $80/hr last year. all the higher ups think we should be over the moon for $16/hour this coming year. what kind of raise did the CEO give themself? what will $16/hr cover a year from now really; in autumn 2023? cause in autumn 2022 it's already not covering much.

the deafening silence during our budget meeting, when all us wage employees were asked if we had any questions about the raise. we were previously told (tho, in no on-paper legally-binding way) it'd be to $17/hour. $17 was the Bare Minimum living wage for this area back in 2019. it's now 2022, and we were denied that wage. why? that's my question. but I didn't ask it either, obviously.

I know I'm not the only one feeling stuck and scared. every convo with my co-workers lately, no matter what topic it started with, has somehow turned itself into mutual grief of "I wish I weren't struggling to survive. I really like this job. there's no better animal welfare jobs in the area. this was my escape from a shitty animal welfare job. there's no guarantee that any other job, in any field, would let me be gay/trans/disabled/mentally ill/myself/etc the way I can here. many jobs would turn me away immediately. I feel overworked. I don't know how to afford things." ...and then I bring up the "CEO makes $80/hr" fact and lol. the unspoken tension that plain statement adds to the conversation.

I'd call myself a lil firestarter for it, but the info is public and easy to find. I'm surprised I'm the only one who did the math but I'm glad more people are becoming aware of it. the wage employees are the ones DOING the actual work here, u know? the paperwork, and blog posts, and emailing bestie PETA (ugh), and handshaking the governor (who's actively attempting to pass transphobic legislation but shhhhh) are all very important for the business the cause as well I'm sure, but an animal welfare org would not EXIST without the laborers who know how to, you know, care for the animals. even at the expense of ourselves and our safety.

oops idk, is this rant getting mean? the higher ups are always very nice to me, I'm being a lil mean. but I had to help give a co-worker first aid the other day, and when we were like "hey, you clearly broke something, you're covered in blood, you're fading in and out of consciousness, and we don't know how long you were out before you were able to call for help. let's drive you to a hospital now." they refused to go anywhere but an urgent care clinic cause, u know, money? and then I clocked out late cause we're so overworked we can't afford a single detour during our shift like that. (and can't clock out til all the work is done ^_^). so yeah if I'm coming off a lil bit like a mean commie rn maybe that experience is why. I wonder how often the CEO gets injured on the job? do u think the $80/hr is to cover all those dog bites they get on the daily ... in their personal office space nowhere near the animals?

idk if we're gonna unionize any time soon, but I know I'm not the only one feeling this way. maybe that's the silver lining. still, it doesn't stop the nightmarish elephant in the room either. anywaysssss that's my rant for the day thx

[gatalentan]

Hi Scottie, same anon here. Actually, a recent follower. Your gifs are marvelous, i'm ever so jealous. Thanks for letting me know. I live in Canada, so I have a few options, but one day, maybe i'll buy them. I'm sure my hype for LAW won't stop, but money is tight.

Anyways, thank you for gracing us for your hardwork, dedication and love towards LAW, Abbott and so forth. I'd love to see more Life's Work gifsets if you plan on making more. How would you describe Lisa Hunter? There is an episode I felt so bad for her for (cause I only found three on the Internet Archive), about a third baby. Her humor always makes me feel better, even in another sitcom with an audience for it.

As a new gif/gifset maker myself, though someone with slow stamina to work on projects, I fiddle in photoshop all the time. For the RPC, I've been considering making some more to use of LAW, it's just the resources I need to get aside from AElem. and PTrap. You should try your hand at it, maybe? it's gifs, a certain size all in one post. I just asked what your secret was cause I love how even tho the show was in 96/97, we know it's not HQ like now. Anyways, enough about me. I'm happy they turned out so well for you. Lastly, through trial and error-- do you know if there have a way to sharpen every layer at the same time? Thanks again - CW.

Hi again! Yeah, I fully get that. I really wish there was a more accessible option. Maybe with such awards interest in Abbott more of the stuff from her back catalog will get brought to streaming services? It was on the same network as Abbott after all! We can only hope.

Thanks so much for your kind words! I absolutely do intend on doing the whole series, at least one set per episode (that I have access to) along with some of the funnier lines.

If I was gonna surface level describe Lisa Hunter to an alien? I think you can tell she's is probably more LAW than probably anything she's ever done and very in-line with her stand-up persona. She's streetwise and dry-humoured and crass and a total hard-ass and is quick to anger and stand up for herself, but she isn't one-dimensionally a big tough-guy, she has huge depths of softness for her family, is emotionally available and open about her feelings, is demonstrative to her family in a way that doesn't feel like just going through the motions, they hug and kiss, they have stupid in-jokes, and she makes out with her damn husband! And it doesn't just feel like it's for the viewer! They feel like a real couple who are actually crazy about each other, not just people who put up with each other. She talks openly about her interest in sex in a way that centres herself in it instead of trying to please her guy which is something that a lot of sitcoms of the era lacked (and still do really, in the bad ones) but also what it's like trying to have a sexual relationship while you have a busy life. She's candid about the realities of motherhood - not just in terms of how it effects her relationships and her work-life balance but how it literally changed her relationship with her body, which is also something you don't hear a lot of in comedy, at least in a way that isn't at a woman's expense but rather a commiseration instead. More than anything she feels like a real young adult (I can't believe she's nearly the same age as me!! terrifying!!) dealing with a young family, and a stressful job and financial difficulties, rather than a cartoon character. I really love her a lot. This show had so much potential that was cut WAY short. I could go on about it a lot more than this but this got way too long already! Re: sharpening gifs - what you wanna learn how to use is Smart Objects! They make an absolute world of difference, because you can edit the whole gif all at once, including sharpness, contrast, colours etc. I found a good beginners tutorial for you here - I hope it helps! (Link Here)

[bandedbulbussnarfblat]

i am high af rn, bc i had to go see about an interview for a summer job and that got me all out of sorts and i needed to calm down. and like. i honestly don't know if i'll be able to hold down a summer job, bc i'll have to be around new people. probably in a place that is sensory hell. what if i can't tough it out? but i feel like i have to.

[this got hella long so i came back and added a cut]

my mom is having some medical problems (i won't get into it bc i wanna respect her privacy) and she's going to have to have surgery. luckily, both my parents have insurance and they're thinking between the two most of it should be paid for. but she will be out of work for at least 6 weeks to recover. and that's six weeks without pay. and like, i think my dad makes enough for them to float by.

but my mom has been so supportive of me during my mental breakdown, including cooking me meals nearly every night. and i want to be able to return the favor to her. except without cooking because i'm real bad at it. (i need specific, detailed instructions with exact measurements and times, or i am lost) but i can go get food every night. and take it over to her and then eat with my parents bc that always makes my mom happy.

i just wanna do something nice for her. and also bc she needs to recover but will literally try to get up and cook dinner for her and my dad so he can eat when he gets home. and y'all, my dad is not the kind of man who expects that from a woman. if he was my momma would have taught him real quick how things were and where the door was if he didn't like it. so like, she does not have to do this. in fact, i bet my dad tells her explicitly not to do this. but she'll do it anyway, bc she's a stubborn pain in the ass and i love her.

and i just want to take care of her a little; not bc i think she can't take care of herself, but bc she shouldn't have to when she is recovering. like obviously my dad is gonna help out more. but he works 10 hour shifts (his jobs idea of the 4 day work week, 4 ten hour days followed by three days off. unless night shift on thursday didn't finish the week's work, then people needed to come in friday. but they get overtime pay, so that makes it okay, or something)

anyway, he's tired and he's disabled (in multiple ways i won't list for respect of his privacy. but he's never let it stop him from doing something. necessity is the mother of ingenuity. or something.) so i don't want him to spend 10 hours on his feet then have to come home and cook and help take care of my mom. i want to help them.

so i need this part-time job. 1. so i can pay my bills. the summer fund isn't gonna cut it. 2. buy dinner for my parents and myself and also probably my brother since he lives with me (oh, make him go halfsies. it'll save money) 3. save up anything extra to pay into a going back to school fund. but like, a 2 yr degree or a certificate program in something i can do from home. offered at a community college, bc i'm not paying university prices

this post has become a mess. i'm gonna go back up and add a cut. thanks for reading my stress rant y'all

[iamfuckingsorry]

Hiya tumblr :)

I used to use this blog for venting and rants all the fucking time as a child (or like, possibly even into my early 20s, but my point is it was a pretty long time ago). Apparently I haven't made a personal post since like 2017, which honestly tracks with the general development of my mental health, but apparently I'm nearly 30 and back to where I was pre-2017 so here we fucking go :)

I'm just like. Ugh. Everything in life is very ugh atm. My thesis project sucks, it's mostly programming and doing stats which I fucking hate, I'm not learning any of the skills I want to learn, I could have found something so much better if I'd just cared when searching for a supervisor, but I couldn't even be assed to do that... So now I'm stuck doing this fucking thing because I was supposed to graduate 2 years ago and I fucked off doing random cool shit instead having a great time at life and so now I better fucking finish this goddamn degree.

Which I don't even want, by the way. I don't want the jobs you get with this degree except for the ones you need experience doing things I am not learning for my thesis project for, I don't want the title, I don't want any of it. But this thing takes 5 years to do when you graduate on time, and I'm so so close to finishing, I'm not gonna give up now and leave without the degree. Even though it might legit be better for my future career if I didn't have the degree, I'm too fucking stubborn for my own good and I'm not gonna leave without the degree even if it kills me.

What I really want to do is do one more year of uni to get a professional cert (which you also can get as part of a bachelor's degree, but of course I didn't choose the right degree for that because I felt like I had to do an engineering degree even though I never had any real interest in it), then use that professional cert to get a mediocre dead-end job up north. Where there's no jobs in the field I'm currently in so I can't really move there unless I get this cert. But it also just feels so fucking wrong to get this cert instead of, like, getting a proper fucking job and finally being done with uni. (though the cert is like very practical, it's like 70% work placements, which honestly sounds nice). And like, I know the only reason it feels wrong is because I grew up with classist parents who think people who've gone to grad school are better than everyone else and that earning a lot of money is important, but recognizing that doesn't really help with the feeling now does it? Realistically speaking I'm never gonna get this cert which means I won't end up moving to where I wanna live and instead stay where I am even though I don't really like this place or move to the capital (honestly a worse option than staying where I am) because that's where I am most likely to get a shitty job somewhat relevant to this meh degree I'm getting that I don't even want.

...if I can get my fucking thesis done.

Because I have zero fucking motivation now, and the fact that I've been clinically depressed for literally as long as I can remember (not exaggerating here, I was suicidal at like 9-10) means the consequences of not doing shit don't do anything to motivate me anymore either.

I do maaaybe like 15 hours of work on this full-time thesis project right now. And even that might legit be enough to just barely get it done, but... it might not be. And it feels like there's no fucking force in this world that can make me work on it more than this bare fucking minimum.

Ugh.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life, and honestly it fucking sucks.

[theglitchywriterboi]

So my older brother just lost his job [he got fired - one of my other brothers & I think it was retaliation because he put his 2 weeks in, but he was still betting on the money for those 2 weeks] & I haven't had luck finding a job [I've applied everywhere from fast food places nearby to office jobs 2hrs away] & my service ends soon & I can't pay it cause again - no job. And he can't pay it cause ALSO no job [& ik beggars can't be choosers but I don't wanna ask my other brother for money cause 1: idk if he'll even have enough & 2: he's really annoying about people owing him money. Like he says our disabled grandma who literally can't get any kinda job even if she wanted to owes him money... For buying her food... [Context is he used a card she got [some government thing I thing. So a trusted thing] & it didn't work so he paid out of pocket, so he keeps making comments [not around her, he doesn't like being around her] about how he owes her X amount [the funny thing is HE owes HER a lot of money cause he never paid her back for the car she bought him - which thst was ofc the agreement, he pays her back] ]

So really hope some sort of miracle happens & either A: I somehow get an interview AND get hired for a job in... Less than 10 days... B: Brother gets a decent job [he applied somewhere, but it's not a guarantee. Plus even if he gets it, it pays less, so I'll still need a job] C: We magically come into a large sum of money so we don't ever have to worry about a job again.

Sorry if this makes no sense, it's nearly 5 & I haven't slept yet.

[opal-eyed-girl]

2/28/23 journal

i am 22 now. been 22 for nearly five months. i feel good today in spite of all the sleeping issues i've been having. i try to write in my journal every day but i slip up from time to time. i don't beat myself up for it though. i haven't done a tumblr journal in a while.

i've been looking for a job. i think i'll end up working at this beauty store. i just need to make money and pay for my car since it's heavy on my mom to pay it herself. i also wanna be able to buy myself things i need and want without having to ask. like cat food and litter, or new clothes that i've been needing for a real long time.

i hardly ever leave the house anymore so the clothes can wait, but pretty soon i'm gonna need to get myself a new wardrobe. being 22 and growing and just overall changing is weird. it's so so weird that my clothes don't fit the same. i have accepted that this is the way it's meant to be. i'm not meant to kill myself just so i can fit into the clothes i wore in high school. clothes that a teenaged high schooler wore. they're outdated anyway. i would rather keep the sentimental ones and donate the rest. i am still beautiful and sexy, and plus, my body is the least interesting thing about me. why's everything gotta be so superficial? i'm not that shallow. i've been in recovery long enough to know that i'm way better than that.

i'm excited to move out of my mom's house, finally. me and my partner are anticipating this new chapter. we'll have more freedom and privacy, and most importantly, we will not be living with my mother anymore. it's almost too good to be true.

i'll be gone. in another city. with my own car. my own job. i'll go wherever i want. i'll do whatever i want. i'll wear whatever i want. i'll eat whatever i want. i can exercise at a nearby park and have picnics whenever i want. it's just... insane??? i'm the eldest daughter of a hispanic household. both my parents were raised catholic and although my dad isn't really in the picture, that strict catholic parenting really rubbed onto my mom from my maternal grandparents who i never got to meet.

i'm just so stoked. like, beyond. i deserve this. this is for me. it's for me and my partner, for us. it makes me emotional. believe it or not, it made me a little depressed. mother-daughter relationships can be so complicated. add a non-white ethnicity into that mix and it can be fucking hell. fuck, add religion and it's the fucking ninth circle.

the things i've been through in this house, the house i grew up in. the things i have heard, seen, done... the feelings i have felt... it was all i knew for a long time. so, letting go of that and moving out and just being gone and getting to use my free will to my pleasure is crazy.

i'm afraid of the daughter guilt. of that motherly control still shackling me down. but i gotta fight it and just be me, for me.

wish me luck.

xx

[punk-pandame]

fuck it. i'm in deep shit please send $$

so here's the rundown

started a new job in august. it's nice but i still haven't been paid and the bills are coming in hot

trying to get on my husband's health insurance but they're being absurdly slow. might not be covered until late october

which is well after my like, seven upcoming appts

can't cancel any of the appts cause my health is getting Worse at a Concerning Rate and i think my fuckwit rheumatologist misdiagnosed me so the "treatment" she prescribed may even be what's causing it but i won't know for sure unless i go to the appts-

also won't be able to get my other meds if i don't go and i need those if i don't wanna kill myself yknow

relatedly, i gotta go back to therapy so so bad

might get fired from my nice new job anyway if they run out of patience with me having to take so much time off, especially so early on

already over $4k in credit card debt just from trying to survive the last year or so- most of it from medical bills, medications, and the associated travel costs

been trying to keep the AC off and skip meals to save money but it's not nearly enough

im doing my best but idk how i'm gonna get out of this one besties. so if you can pls commission, or donate a couple bucks and i'll make you a little somethin somethin. original fiction/art and fandom stuff both encouraged. nsf uu is totally cool. it just might take me longer than those who have commissioned me before have come to expect but i promise i am working on them and i'm always happy to give updates/progress reports.

PATREON | BUYMEACOFFEE

[worldsover]

Fermata ft. Chuu

length ✦ 5651

genres ✧ Dal Segno sequel; dirty talk; oral; makeup fetish; more subby!Chuu

✦✧✦✧✦✧

You write to keep your concentration and disconnect you from your ever-changing concerns. For all your ideas, the true crux of putting a piece together is actually making something concrete. The self-control you require to be consistent, and consistently creative, is what makes music so hard to stay focused on. This album must be finished. This year. No written promises but you have to do right by her after all you've invested. You fucked Jiwoo in the mouth yesterday. Real right of you to do.

“Coming!” Jiwoo must be far from the front door with how her holler resounds the apartment. Where do you put your hands? Pockets are natural though they don't feel like it. Many but not enough footsteps grow in loudness but you expect a stampede anyway when the door opens. Instead, only Yerim and Sooyoung manifest in the opening hallway.

“Hello, oppa! Jiwoo unnie is just… Umm. Taking care of business.” Yerim playfully elbows you when she pulls you in but you stop her to take your shoes off. Sooyoung sends a brusque wave your way and not much else as she collects assorted effects and clothing around the living room. There isn’t nearly as much noise as you expect.

Look around in confusion. “Did I miss something? Is today a holiday?”

“Jiwoo isn’t the only one who’s got schedules, PD-nim,” Sooyoung says.

Yerim turns around. She also has some nicer pants on, and a loose-fitting red top. “Unnie, you’re just visiting your family.”

“And that’s a schedule.”

“Well oppa, I have a CF to film so, ha!” Yerim raises a hand, victorious she just won the conversation. High five. She’s satisfied but Sooyoung gives no regard, clearly looking for something.

“What about the other girls?” you ask.

“I’m not a manager. Just count yourself lucky the dorm is so empty.” Yerim says.

“Damn, we can even record some demos too. Good thing I brought the mic. Hold on, before you guys go, wanna listen to some of our songs?” you say.

“Finally!” Yerim says.

“Just play it out loud, I can hear it,” Sooyoung says. You offer your help with whatever she’s searching for though she brushes you off and insists she can do it herself.

Yerim brings out a bluetooth speaker from underneath the living room couch and coughs because of whatever dust she just procured.

Pull out your Macbook from your backpack and connect it to the speaker. You think about which track to play and pick the one that shows off Jiwoo’s voice the best so far, Jiwoo - Deeper.

Yerim immediately gets into the beat, bobbing her head and dancing. However, when the chorus hits, her ears perk up and she starts cheering at the notes that Jiwoo belts. Sooyoung also turns an ear towards the speaker in curiosity.

A vacuum interrupts the music. Jiwoo swoops in with the machine, scurrying her shapely legs with no heed to their bareness. She pushes up her fake circle glasses and says over the commotion, “I knew you needed this! Oppa, hello!”

“I’m trying to listen to the music here!” Yerim covers her ears.

Sooyoung looks down and pauses at the edge of the couch. “Oh hey, there’s my bracelet! Really nice music by the way!”

“Wow, you guys are so kind.” Jiwoo says, her voice piercing the screaming vacuum without effort. She turns it off realizing she's the only one can really do so. “You still like the music now?”

“No unnie, I mean it,” Yerim says.

“Why are you wearing just that big tracksuit sweater? Do you even have shorts on?” you interrupt the gushing. Jiwoo turns around and hugs herself as if she dropped a towel, even though her immodesty comes from her lower body. Good thing no one notices her sweater ride up for a moment to reveal white panties. Sooyoung looks at you confused while Yerim smirks to match yours. She wasn't even looking at Jiwoo but she could probably tell from your face. Damn, she’s too perceptive.

“Well, it looks like that’s my cue to go,” Yerim says.

“I’m so confused,” Sooyoung looks back and forth at you and the other two girls in the room. You shrug your shoulders, pretending to take solace in her ignorance of the situation.

“Come on unnie, we’ll go together. I’ll go out to get money and you go out to get your kisses from mommy and daddy.” Somehow that didn’t sound too offensive but Sooyoung punches Yerim anyway.

“Oppa, can you finish vacuuming for me?” You’re about to make a retort about labor laws but Jiwoo runs to the bathroom and immediately you hear Jiwoo practicing melodic runs. They’re definitely not the ones you taught her, unless moaning was part of the routine.

“So she has to get her vocal cords ready too huh? I’m suuure that’s all she’s doing in there.” Yerim keeps poking at your bicep with two fingers. You turn on the vacuum to try and hide her overt naughtiness but Yerim’s devilish look tells enough. For full measure, she winks at you as she drags Sooyoung out of the dorm. Mental note to deal with that can of worms for later.

Head to the big bedroom where Jiwoo’s still doing vocal exercises. Three bunk beds line the walls while pillows, blankets and bean bags litter the floor. As the centrepiece of the room sits a simple wooden table, short enough to rest on the polystyrene filled chairs while adequately comfortable to get work done. She stands proud on top of the table as she practices the actual runs you tell her to do.

“Oh, oh, ohhhhh, oh, ohhhhppa!” She jumps down from the table and nearly tackles you when she locks her legs around you in a hug. Take a second to balance yourself while holding her as tightly as possible.

“Jiwoo, you’re eager today.”

“Of course I am, oppa. I’m soooo excited to. Record. Of course.”

“Well if you are, please get off of me.”

“Oppa! You don’t like my hugs?” she says nearly falsetto. Her aegyo throws you off, so you throw her off. Onto a bean bag. “I guess that’s a no.”

“No, not no. I mean. We have to be focused, Jiwoo. Is there any rope or anything?”

“You just said we have to be focused, oppa.”

You wave your hands in denial. “What’d I say about acoustics?”

“Ohhh, like the foam at the studio?”

“Exactly. Especially with how big this room is, we’re going to have to need all the insulation we can get. Ahhh!” Your random shout rumbles throughout the room and startles the relaxing Jiwoo. 

She stands up. “I get it! Geez.”

“Oh yeah, I need a pop filter too.”

“A thin fabric right? For all the p-p-plosives.”

“Mhm.”

Inevitable. Jiwoo takes off her panties and you shake your head laughing in disapproval.

“Come on now, that’s just not sanitary,” you say.

“So you’re saying you don’t want them?”

“No, I’ll just confiscate them for your stupidity. Tsk. Find some pantyhose.“ She gets up. “Ahem. Not used.”

The panties have a tiny wet spot, and your nose takes a quick bask in its musk but Jiwoo immediately catches you.

“And I’m too horny,” Jiwoo says with characteristic sass. You put it in your pocket as she gets pantyhose from her drawer. After fashioning a stand for the pantyhose for her to sing into, you both get to work hanging up blankets from the bunk beds while clotheslines become pillow-lines. A makeshift room within a room, still centered by the table but now surrounding you with cushioning cloth instead of acoustically reflective drywall.

Barely enough space for jumping jacks but you start doing them anyway and it flummoxes Jiwoo for a moment. You don’t need to tell her to join in. Sit down to play an instrumental from the laptop and she pauses the exercise before you motion for her to continue. 

“I need you with the right energy for the beat.”

“Yeah, I figured. Synthwave is really popular now, huh?” Her bouncing to the rhythm rides her hoodie up again but now her cute slit and bare legs are plain to see. Your tongue dries your lips. She catches her breath before stretching one last time. Keep it together. “So are we recording?” 

You nod. Take out the microphone and two pairs of in ear monitors for listening, and connect all the devices to the computer. After setting everything up, Jiwoo gets up and you hold the microphone and filter for her.

Click. “Aaand, recording.”

Click. “One more.”

But that’s it. Two takes. You could not get a better sounding Jiwoo than that. Not a quick demo but the actual release vocal track, since even in such an imperfect recording environment, it sounds perfect to your ears. A little frustration since where was this Jiwoo in all the previous sessions? Maybe you’ll have to consider more visits for recording though you’re not sure if you could make another miracle happen to have everyone else out of the dorm at the same time.

“Jiwoo, that was a- Dammit, that was perfect,” you say.

“Of course, it was!” Not that there’s much room in the improvised recording studio but she ensures you feel even less of it when she gets closer. “Sooo. Wanna fuck my face?”

“That’s not the arrangement! You didn’t mess up.” 

“You definitely sound disappointed I did a good job,” Jiwoo says.

”Of course I’m not disappointed.” You sigh. Are we doing this again? A single flitter of her brows. “I’m not going to fuck your face this time, okay? You have to be able to take that dick all the way down yourself.”

No protests. She lowers her head once in gratitude. 

"Thank you for the meal!" Jiwoo says as she shows off her pearly whites in a big smile. She turns her head up to look at you lovingly as she cups your balls with her hands before she lowers her head again for a precursory smooch onto your cock. This time, she gives the same slow care to your shaft with her lips as she is to your balls with her hands. As if she wasn't going to ruin her makeup.

Restraining your panting and cries of ecstasy is arduous enough with Jiwoo engulfing you when-

“Kim Jiwoo!” Sooyoung’s voice reverberates from maybe the living room or the foyer.

Jiwoo side-eyes the study door. Her head does not stop its seesaw. Is this girl so entranced by your cock that she feels not an ounce of dread?

Sooyoung yells, “I forgot something! Just wanted to let you know I’ll be back later with dinner!”

“Okay! Thanks! We’re busy,” you choke on your words as Jiwoo does the same on your dick, “Uh, listening to the mix!”

Sooyoung, still shouting, but attempting to say lower, “Sorry! I’ll go now. Bye.”

Wait a few minutes before getting up, and of course Jiwoo’s lips are still wrapped around your cock as you walk towards the door. Dorm is empty. She must have performed magic taking off her shirt and underwear to play with herself because you can't remember if she's ever stopped sucking you off. The kinematics don't add up. More likely, you’re slightly faint from her perilous suction, making left and right difficult directions to parse from each other.

"Fuck you're already so good, Jiwoo." 

Pull her up and carry her to deposit onto the bottom bunk of the bed by the window.  She ends up belly diving onto the mattress’ surface and her buttcheeks recoil just the slightest bit.  Jiwoo notices and starts giggling when she plays around with her perky cheeks.

"You like my ass, oppa?" Nod.

“I said I wasn’t going to fuck your face today. Fuck. Maybe I’ll fuck you there instead,” you say in a low bass.

Her eyes turn into full moons at your suggestion. You laugh. 

”Naughty fucking girl. Next time, when you’re a good girl. Such a fun ass though.” Follow through with the compliment as you line up your cock to the prone girl’s mouth, arcing down to fondle her round buns. It's a miracle and also a bit embarrassing that your erection is soft after all that. Best guess is that it's had so much stimulation, but all of the masturbation after recalling your previous facefuck probably didn't help. Jiwoo takes her index and middle digits and raps them on your cock to a freeform beat.

“Aww oppa, your cock. I need to make it big and meaty again,” Jiwoo whines and her pout confesses that she's a little disheartened, however her eyes are more determined.

“Tell me all the ways you want me to use you." She raises her vivid eyebrows and lists her head a little forward. “Okay, miss ‘I won’t let go of this cock even when there’s others in the house’. Don’t worry, we have plenty of time. Just relax and go on.”

“Hmph. Fine. Well, your dick is right here, sooo after I lick it up,” which she begins doing by inspecting your shaft with intent, before finding a spot she deems scrumptious enough to lap up. “You fuck this dirty mouth pussy clean while I play myself on my tummy just like this.”

Jiwoo sounds ridiculous talking with her tongue out but at the same time, her cheeky lisp fortifies your cock. Her hands wander underneath herself and she reels back, titillated by her own words. You watch the small woman fondling herself with both hands while your erection at half-mast presses against her face in suspense.

“I could flip myself over and I’d never let go of oppa’s cock, I promise, then you could see your bulge in my fuck hole.”

How could this girl talk so filthy? Her face doesn’t even look like it should utter the word darn, yet here she is giving a study of her throat’s distension from your dick.

Jiwoo continues, one hand rubbing her clit fervently, “Then, maybe. Maybe oppa could get on top of me and pretty please eat my little pussy out while he shoves his cock into me?”

You couldn’t just stand idly by, though it wouldn’t be the worst with how her mouth vibrates your cock harder as her tone gets more gravelly and hungry. When you reach down, you see her wet slit preoccupied with two fingers from her other hand. It doesn’t stop you from slipping one in the increasingly creamy hole.

“Then oppa, if you still wanna at least?” her voice shrinks, but then returns in volume as she crescendos, “You keep your mouth on my slit as you lift up my legs and your silly slut is upside down and she’s choking on your cock and Jiwoo can’t breath and all the blood rushing to her head and you cum and Jiwoo doesn’t let any of spill out cuz Jiwoo is a good slut for oppa, and oppa, oppa, please!”

You join in stroking and rubbing her squishy soaking pussy lips and she looks up from her haze.

“Kim Jiwoo.” Your voice is stern and it seems more than any physical stimulation that your deep beckon is what sends her past the edge. Her pussy swallows whole your finger still inside her, wetness replacing all sensation that the digit once had. She accompanies her whole body’s spasms with loud visceral moans. It takes more than a mere moment to close her eyes and restore her breathing. The bedroom smells a little salty from all the fluids leaking her mouth and slit.

“How much porn have you been watching?” you say.

“As much as you oppa.”

Swallow down a bit of spit. “Huh?”

“Remember our very first recording session, you forgot your laptop and I returned it to you?”

“Fuck,” you say. Jiwoo stretches and lay spread-eagle on the bed, a gooey strand connecting between her two thighs. She licks her fingers.

“You're lucky I found it. Oppa, it’s all your fault I’m like this. Plus all those fancams of me in the same folder. I wanted to confess sooner but I needed more opportunities to be with you.” She sucks her hand more earnestly.

“I didn’t think sucking dick counted as confessing.”

“Hey, I did say I like you. Did you already forget? Tsk. Typical boy.”

“Look at this dick.” You didn’t have to say that because she’s already drilling holes into it with her eyes. “Remember how I said I was basically recording for free? Make your own inferences.” The round shape of her mouth in understanding is perfect.  "Now, open wide."

"Yes! Mm..."

 It’s hard to say which position is your favorite.

Fucking her face is straightforward but you pay closer attention. You’re certainly not down that deep, as you can still feel her uvula recoil on your tip and react with thick gagged out spit. Nothing like your cum but she sucks and spits the liquid in and out anyway. She definitely enjoys playing around with fluids in her mouth.

Jiwoo pulls away when she upturns herself, as she coughs with whatever throat muscles you hit. Her head hanging upside down off the mattress would be the perfect perspective to see your cock’s imprint on her neck but she still can’t manage the depth. The angle certainly makes your pistoning easier as your balls slap against your nose in more forceful pushes, playing vulgar slapping noises that mix with her gagging.

Afterwards, you lean over and move her head to get the mattress’s support instead of dangling. Hunch down to her wetness and the taste of her nectar more than makes up for the difficulty of thrusting while on top of her. Already having difficulty breathing with a cock in her airways, you don’t want to crush her under your weight. Still, you spend the most time between her thighs, taking in the muskiness of her pussy and all that it releases. It explains Jiwoo’s long drawn breath through her nose if you have a similarly alluring scent. There’s also the possibility your length steals too much air from her wet, gagging mouth but in this position, it’s her choice to hold your shaft in her throat for that much time.

Pick her up by the ass and cup the top of Jiwoo’s cheeks. Well, now they’re the bottom as she’s upside down in this piledriver sixty-nine position, both of you sucking and licking as closely as possible. She’s definitely enjoying the scents and tastes. You could drop her on her head and she'd thank you if you kept your cock in her mouth. Maybe you heard her mumble something like “yummy”, but anything resembling consonants are far past the point of physiology and linguistics. If anything, holding Jiwoo upside down makes her look more like a used sex doll than the cute girl that she is. 

A whole lot of mess to clean up later. Cans of Febreeze, maybe some rags and a mop. New sheets, soaked with nearly every bodily fluid mouthfucking can provide. However, all that work pales to the pure torture you’ve put upon yourself to not cum.  It helps with how often you pull out of her mouth as for all her prodigal gagging, she also looks thankful when you give her moments to rest her jaw and lips. Somehow you're in control the entire time yet you have not an ounce of it, avoiding your inevitable fate. Finally, you can rest. Now you’re thankful you jerked off many times before this to last as long as you have. 

Of course, resting did mean you were on an office chair and she was on her knees, but still. It’s a break from all the exercise.

“You know oppa,” she says with a smile on her face.

“I was waiting for you to ask,” mumbling as she often does on your erection.

“Jiwoo-ah! Wear lip gloss.” How she manages to get that out so adorably with a cock in her mouth, you will never know.

“But I figured,” bobbing down, “I was sucking you off so sloppily,” and up, “It’d be such a waste of makeup.”

The girl made a point though you say, “I’d still like to see it one time. Alright? I don’t wanna have to ask either.”

“Okayyyy.” She says as she purrs on your dick. The little devil knows how weak you are when she talks with a full mouth. You still aren’t going to succumb this time. Pulling out of her mouth is as difficult as last time but you snap your head back and you snap your head away. 

"Nooo." A familiar cry. What if she didn't even like the taste of cum? No time for questions as your body falls apart in the clashing brass and woodwinds. The obnoxious dissonance making you pulse and pulse. You aim below her neck to allow the cum to drip down her collarbones and petite tits. Rub her nipples, sticky with your load and she lets out a little squeal when you tweak them.

"Pwetty pwease oppa. Your cumdump Chuu-ah really wants your cum." She puts her pointer on her swollen cheek. God, she's too much for one man but that’s the situation you put yourself in. 

Plop. 

Plop.

"Jiwoo, please. It's so sensitive," you whimper as she keeps sucking the tip.

"You get to do whatever you want oppa."

"Fuck.” Pull Jiwoo off of you. “Maybe I will."

You collect your load from her tits as an impressive volume drips down.

"Ahh," Jiwoo says but you push her down one last time with your unstained hand and your other uses a finger to penetrate her little pussy, providing it with the semen that she desperately wants.

"I hope this is good enough for now." Her squeaks in time with each finger on your sticky hand exploring her insides confirm that it is indeed.

A step closer and your rehardening cock finds her labia, small but inviting. She gasps and shudders as you tease her pussy lips in a familiar way. It’s just as sensitive for her as it is for you with how much she sweats and writhes from the shaft The friction of the pussyjob is unbearable and instead of juices dripping from within her, a heavy volume of watery liquid squirts out. 

“I’m so, I’m so sorry oppa.”

“It’s okay, Jiwoo.” You put the tip in. “Doesn’t that feel so good.”

“Yes! Thank you. Awwww,” She says when you pop it out. In another world, that tip pushes past and you ravage her. But at this point, you have standards to uphold.

“Be a good girl for me and you can have more, okay?” Give her a rainbow dildo to practice with.

"Oh I already have one, oppa. This looks like it fits better though. Well I guess worse considering how much bigger it is. Just like. Yours. Fuck."

Despite all her orgasms, she looks ready to masturbate yet another time.

"We can't just cum all day Jiwoo," you say. She sighs and nods in understanding.

“Where am I gonna hide this? It really stands out.”

“Just keep it inside you.” Her eyes light up. “No wait.”

Jiwoo giggles. “C’mon oppa, they should be back any time soon.”

You finish up some final touches in your recording. There’s definitely more hitches when it comes to dealing with vocal recordings in such an improvised setting but it’s certainly not as much of a problem as looking at any of the other members in the eyes as you stay for dinner.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

tYou tend to get in a rush when you procrastinate as much as you do. It’s her first album, there’s no reason to rush her first album. Besides, the strength of any artist’s work is in their sophomore album, since they’ve had forever to work on that first one and now people are expecting the second. In either case, you really have time, but you don’t let yourself feel that. Instead, mixing and recording, once a job you enjoyed doing, has turned into a series of stressors in your life.

Jiwoo’s in a rush too. Why is she in such a rush?

“Hello. Oppa. I. Uh. Heard you got into a fender bender.” Every word sounds laborious as she opens the door to the studio. You step out into the hallway then look left and right. Nothing out of place.

“Yeah, just some scratches. You okay, Jiwoo?”

Her lips tuck in when she walks forward even a step. “Yep, doing juust fine. We gonna get to recording or what?”

“I mean if you say so.”

Each step towards the booth has her hitch her breath just a little, but she looks focused as ever so you waste no time and hit record. Should you text another member and ask if anything's off about Jiwoo today? Her singing is fine, maybe a little more vocal fry in her voice than usual, but it fits the sultry ballad.

You text Chaewon as Jiwoo keeps trying out different intonations for the pre-chorus.

Chaewon: "she was all flirty and weird today"

You: "lmao aight, tell something idk"

"yeah yeah, but this is different" 

"different how? she's always like that"

Jiwoo sees you typing and stops her singing to ask if anything's wrong. You shake your head and wave your free hand, gesturing for her to continue.

"i guess less wordy and more touchy today? good luck, lmk if you figure it out"

"i will. see ya later" 

Curious. You set your phone down and inspect Jiwoo's eyes and her crinkled nose. Hmm. 

A few hours later, you’re still recording. For how well the session at the dorm went, it feels like you’re back to square one with all of her mistakes today. She had such a good first takes too but her vocal quality is definitely receding, and in a different way than usual.

“I need to go to the restroom. I’ll be back,” you say into the microphone.

You go quickly to relieve yourself. A lot of water today. Needed it looking at Jiwoo in whatever weird state she's in. For some godforsaken reason you have an urge to take her mouth right now and completely ruin her. This album is never coming out.

Slowly creak the door to the studio open. No need for surprise anymore. Jiwoo pulls out a dildo from her sobbing vagina in the vocal booth and drags it up her body. Her eyes are closed, her focus clearly on the sensation of the dildo finally removed for her. She really went through with your suggestion. Must've been in there for a while considering Chaewon noticed something off earlier today. The dildo meets Jiwoo's lips, both wet from her desire and she shoves it in as deep as she can in the first try. 

Walk towards the Macbook and notice that it's recording. Shit, how much space did you have left on it? Hopefully, not going to have to clean it up later.

Finally, her eyes open and she smiles looking at you while she touches herself with one hand and deepthroats herself with the other using the toy you gave her.  She pauses her masturbation for a moment, tapping her ear. A new audio clip in Ableton, so put on your headphones.

“Come here oppa. I did a bad job today, didn’t I?”

The only words she needs for you to drop everything and walk into the booth. 

“You did,” you say as you unbuckle.

In a single stroke, she swallows your cock, matching the reinsertion of the dildo into her pussy. Jiwoo makes a tight vacuum seal with her luscious lips and shows off how well she manages her breath. Air squeezes through in her nose as you rarely unfastened yourself from her suction, and as she rarely allowed you to. Her lips are a good cock ring, her mouth a fleshlight. At the very least, this gave you much patience with her recording, knowing you were allowed to use your frustrations to turn the talented young lady into an object to use.

It’s incredible how little she has to touch herself to achieve orgasm when your cock is in her mouth. To be fair, keeping the dildo as long as she has inside of her must be a feat of its own.

“Jiwoo. Did you have this in you all day? I bet you’d prefer it were the real thing, huh?”

“Mmmhm. Mmmm!" She convulses at once. The toy squeezes in and out of her while she moans and spills saliva all over your cock. “Fuck, I wanted to cum all day but I had to wait. It’s your turn now, right?”

Jiwoo pulls out the soaked dildo and with her little fingers teases the skin of your dick before maintaining a tight grip. Her hand’s perfect rhythm and all the sucking she’s done so far today gets you right there and over the edge as quickly as she did. You unload all over the colorful sex toy and Jiwoo doesn’t let you have time to think as she puts the cum-covered toy back inside her.

You suck in some air. ”Who said you could have that cum? Lie down on the couch.” No pretense. Is there love between you two? Pull down her spotted top before mounting her modest but perky tits. It’s been barely a minute yet you’re already ready and solid once again. She tries to lean her head forward to retrieve her oral punishment-

“Thank you!”

Reward. Now that you think about it, maybe this isn’t working. The supine girl beneath you flitters her lashes, curious as to why you haven’t yet thrust into her mouth.

“You know much I love to see you work for it. Go on.”

As your cock is standing upwards at attention, she struggles raising her head to match yours, gently poking her tongue out to lick the frenulum.

“Ahh. No fair! I can’t reach. Ppfh.” She spits on it in frustration. “Ppptt. Let me have it.”

Her tongue wiggles around fruitlessly. Spit on her face in retort and you both laugh looking at the mess you’ve made. Yet at last, after playing with her food for what feels like an eternity, Jiwoo manages to wrangle your head with her tongue, guiding it to her eager lips.

“Now I better not feel that barrier, okay? Track 1.” And slowly force your way into her throat. You feigned frustration with her inability to fully take you down, but this was heaven. Regardless, stopped by her cursed reflex, you say: 

“Not good enough.” You’d almost feel bad about this.

“Again.” If it didn’t feel so good.

“One more.” Another submersion into her sopping mouth, the friction of her soft lips and tongue opposes all the lubricating slop from her throat. 

Unsheathe. “Oppa, oppa wait. Let me get something. You’ll like it.” You concede, getting off of her, and she pulls from her purse bright red lip gloss. “Watch me stain your cock!”

In a rush, Jiwoo vandalizes her lips red. Her makeup artist would be embarrassed. Of course, that makeup artist would be outright scandalized if they could see the precious idol with her back hunched over the arm of the couch, her upside down face inviting you.

You walk up and give her a good view of your balls. Tickle her neck and she leans forward to plant a pure kiss. On your cock head. “You know we haven’t kissed once yet? You haven’t even said anything about how you feel about me!”

“Neither did you.” Move your hands from Jiwoo’s neck to her bare chest and play with her stiffening nipples.

“Well, let me show you.” She plants another smooch on your shaft. And another. Yet another, until it’s turned into a full-on makeout session with your penis. The upended Jiwoo has to twist herself to leave the entirety of your flesh marked with lipstick stains. However, her best work is her french kiss where takes your dick in and plays around with her tongue, as if the mindless beast could kiss back. She leans her head back out one more time to receive you.

A sharp push and her tiny tits respond with the subtlest jiggle. 

All but an inch of your shaft covered red. “I’m so close,” she pouts.

“Well, so am I.” You keep thrusting and feel your orgasm get closer. You’re on the edge.

“Mwah.” Her lips’ release leaves your blank head even emptier.  “Mwah mwah, mwah.” She fixes her top back and wipes around her lips.

She takes wet wipes then a mask from her purse while you stand dumbfounded. There are four walls in the room. Wires spill from your laptop. One, two, three, four. You are one beat away from orgasm.

Her voice snaps your focus back. “Oppa, that was a good recording session, but you know. Ha Rin unnie has to pick me up. Bye!” Jiwoo scampers away, wiping at her face.

You might actually explode next time, in more ways than one. Guess you deserve this one though.

✦✧✦✧✦✧

AFF, AO3

Just wanted to get one more thing done before the new year so I chose this since like I said, this was originally written as one part. In fact, this is actually the very first smut I wrote. However, I kept getting stuck and adding more, so a trilogy it is then. That’s right, one last one coming up!

[hot-wiings]

The One Where [Y/N] [L/N] Can't Show Up To Her Toxic Family Dinner Alone, So She Turns To Her College Peer For Help.

Edited: 12-4-2020

Once your college professor dismissed the class as over you were quick to open your phone and check your messages. Once unmuted, it vibrated and chimed a dozen times bombarding you. Messages from your mother overflowed your notification bar. You just didn't have the energy to deal with it right now. With a scowl, you set your phone back to mute mode and harshly shoved it into your backpack.

"Everything all right?"

Your chemistry partner was pilling books back into his backpack when he asked you the imposing question. He zipped the bag close, stood up, and turned to you, giving you a concerned look as he slung his backpack on his shoulder.

"I'm fine."

"We've been partners for nearly a year, I think I know you enough to know when you're not fine."

Your eyes glanced up at the white-haired man before glancing back at your lap. Your chemistry partner, Natsuo Todoroki, was a nice young man. Natsuo was funny and kind, he noticed when you were having a bad day, and he'd try to ease your troubles. Maybe that was why you often found yourself studying your partner more than your notes. Normally you'd relish under the gaze and attention of your charming, pretty partner, but today wasn't just one of those days.

"It's stupid. Like, really stupid, and unimportant."

"If it's bothering you then it's not stupid. C'mon, I'll buy you lunch and you can tell me all about your problem."

You huffed as you stood up and pulled your bag over your shoulder. You followed Natsuo to the cafeteria, while he walked off to get and pay for your lunches, you found some empty seats. Your leg bounced as you waited for him to come back. The idea of opening up about something so personal made you anxious.

"It's Soba Saturday."

"Thanks."

Natsuo took a seat across from you and smiled as you took a bite out of the food. Happy that you were happy with your food, Natsou digs into his own.

"So partner' what's up?"

"As I said, it's really, really, stupid."

"You're obviously worked up over it, it can't be that stupid."

You let out a ragged sigh as you took a delicate bite out of your food. Embarrassed, your eyes avoided him once you swallowed and set the fork down. Natsuo had shared so much with you as a friend and confidant, you knew about his family, every nitty-gritty detail, but you opened so little in return.

"My mom texted me asking if I was bringing a date home for Christmas. My parents... They're pretentious and rich, you know? Marrying, and settling down, becoming a house mouse while my husband takes over the family business. That's the future they want for me."

You clenched your fists just getting aggravated thinking about it. The toxicity was hard and you were trying your best to escape it, but you could only flee so much when you were poor without your parents. Natsuo reached across the table and grabbed your hands, pulling them into his cold ones.

"I know if I show up alone my mom's gonna get in my business, then she'll try setting me up with rich men she thinks are suitable. I just- I can't do another family Christmas alone."

"I understand what you mean. I told you how my dad's a bastard, he's tried setting me and my sister up with suitable people before, never works out, just makes us hate him. I don't even wanna go home for Christmas this year, so... I have a proposition."

"I'd love to hear it."

"I'll go with you."

His voice came out quick and fast, almost making him sound nervous, but Natsuo didn't get nervous, it wasn't a Todoroki trait. You look up from your lap to his eyes. A small smile formed on your face as he proposed the statement. You let out a chuckle as a light blush brushed your face.

"You wanna be my date?"

"We don't have to go like that, we can fake date. Think about it, you need a rich, suitable guy to show up with you. You need me. Someone to convince your pretentious parents you're ready to settle down, and, I, can get out of my own family Christmas and obligations to see the bastard man."

"Fake dating... Fake dating and convincing my parents that we're in love. That's a lot to deal with, you're sure your up for it?"

"Yeah, you might say... We already have some chemistry together."

You laughed as that feeling bubbled up in your chest. That feeling you got whenever you were around your partner, your lab partner. It was stupid, so stupid. The idea of fake dating him bubbled you, even if it was fake, the idea that he got to be your boyfriend for an evening or two excited you.

"Okay, you dork, it's settled. You're my fake boyfriend."

Your leg bounced rigorously as the car drove on the road. You watched the road signs, anxiously noting how far away from your home you were each time a new one appeared. You lived a couple of hours out from the city you and Natsuo attended college in. Coming from a rich family, you and Natsuo probably would've attended the same social circles and school had you not grew up so far away.

Your thumb tapped away at your leg as Christmas music blared through the radio. Your whole body screamed anxious and distressed. Now that you've had time to brew and process the deal you and Natsuo made you regretted it. What were you thinking, taking your lab partner, who was also your crush, on an overnight trip as your fake boyfriend? It was just going to cause you trouble.

You had feelings for him and your family was toxic. The idea of letting him in was disturbing. It was your home where you grew up, the place you learned to hate yourself, the place that taught you to be closed off, and mean. He'll meet your mom, your dad, and your godawful siblings. He'll see how horrible your family is, and the idea of letting him see the environment you grew up in was so daunting.

What if he decided you were awful too? What if he changes lab partners?

"We're here."

"Great."

Your voice came out placid and tight. Your nervousness and exhaustion could be heard in your voice. Emotions brought out every time you saw your family, he mistook it as nerves brought on by the fear of fake dating.

"We should probably lie down some rules."

"Yeah, I've never fake dated before. I don’t know what you're uncomfortable with, but no kissing on the lips."

Natsuo pulled his keys out of the engine ignition and pocketed them while he lightly laughed at your proposed rule. Heat rose to your cheeks as his voice met your ears.  

"We're supposed to convince them we're in love, but I can't kiss your lips?"

"I know it's silly, but to me it's romantic and I’d like to keep this professional. Besides, you still have my cheek, hand, nose, and forehead."

“I see your points, if it makes you feel more comfortable then lips are off-limits.”

You let out a relieved sigh. You weren't sure you'd handle kissing Natsuo. It was too personal, too romantic. The more you progressed on this endeavor the more you worried. Your parents were gonna know, they were gonna know. 

"No kissing your lips, what about hand-holding?"

"We can hold hands, hug, anything a couple would do, just no sex or kissing."

"Two days, as a handholding loving boyfriend. Let's do this."

Natsuo got out of the car and while you zipped up your coat and fixed your scarf he rushed to the other side of the car and opened your door before you got the chance. His cold hand was on your hand pulling you out of the car, he smiled softly at you as he helped you out.

“Thanks, you didn't have to do that.”

“I wanted to, I'm your boyfriend after all.”

You pushed a piece of hair behind your ear as a light blush spread across your skin. Never had you been more thankful for the cold air for you had been able to play your pink cheeks off as an effect of the cold weather and not his words. 

“You go in, I’ll get our bag.”

“You sure?”

You nibbled on your lip as Natsuo walked away from you. He turned to you with an ever-growing smile present as he winked. 

“Yeah, I'm a good boyfriend aren't I?”

“The sweetest ever. See you inside.”

You made your way to the door and gave the heavy wooden door a hard knock. It wasn't long until one of the servants opened the door. The head butler, Godwin, opened the door and threw you a gracious smile before pulling you into a hug. 

“Welcome back, [Y/N].”

In your time living here as a child, Godwin spent a lot of time with you. It was his job to watch over you and your siblings along with the other staff members when your parents were gone, which was often. He was the one who taught you to be kinder and nicer, more humble than your other siblings. He was the one who encouraged you to go to college despite your parents raising you to live in a world with their racist, sexist ideals. 

“It’s good to see you, Godwin.” 

Your mother came down the stairs with her overly expensive Christmas dress flowing with her. She looked like the average rich person trying to show off her money. Pearls, diamonds, and obvious plastic surgery. Your father followed behind her, adorning an expensive tailored suit and a matching tie, no doubt your mother's idea to make it seem like they had a perfect marriage to their guests when it, in fact, was not. 

“Oh, [F/N], you're here!”

She walked up to you and awkwardly wrapped her arms around your body. It was weird and awkward. Your mother didn't like giving affection out to her children, or really anyone. Now that you were older, you didn't crave the attention from her. Your father didn't even attempt to greet you. 

“I thought you said you were bringing a guest, Oh I knew you were lying. Lucky for you I thought ahead and arranged for one of your father's friends to come over as your date for the evening.”

“Mother, anyone friends with father is going to be way too old to be a date for me, besides that fact, I did bring a date.” 

“Oh, don’t be embarrassed to ask your mother for help, I did give birth to you after all.”

She sneered her words at you. This was a classical move of your mothers because she gave birth to you then that must mean she knows you better than anyone else, she also used it in the stance that you owed it to her to do what she wanted.

“You’ll love him. He's the owner of a multimillion-dollar company, he's rich, and his wife just died! You’ve been single for so long, you need a man to take care of you”-

Your mother is cut off by the sound of Natsuo walking in with your bag and slamming the door shut, trying to keep the cold out. Considering it was an overnight trip, you thought sharing a bag might make you look more intimate and close. 

“Sorry I took so long babe, I didn't zip the bag all the way closed and it opened on the ride here, I had to put everything back in it.”

“Mother, father, this is my boyfriend.” 

Natsuo dropped your bag on the floor and shook your parent's hands starting with your father, and then your mother next, respectfully the way you shook hands with the rich. You supposed growing up as a Todoroki he had to learn these tricks and rules the same way you did. 

“Natsuo Todoroki, nice to meet you, sir, ma’am.”

“Oh wow, Todoroki? Like the hero family Todoroki?”

“Yes, ma’am... Endeavor is my father.”

You could tell by Natsuo's stance that he was uncomfortable with the way your mother was asking about his social status and checking him out with a tight fake smile on her face.

“Yes, I remember now, I saw your family on the news. How did you snag this one [Y/N]? A Todoroki, I'm impressed, then again... He is the brother who chose not to follow the life of a hero.”

You both ignored your mother's catty comment as Natsuo grabbed your hand and pulled you against his side. He kissed your cheek, eliciting a light blush for the second time that day, however, your mother's focus was on your 'boyfriend', and his focus was on your mother. 

“Feels more like I'm the one who snagged her.”

“Well, you must tell us how you met. Goodwin! Take their bag up to [Y/N]'s room!” 

You rolled your eyes as she yells at the butler. You'd think after years of working for her she would've remembered his name, but she didn't.

“Godwin, we can take our bag up, we need to change into our dress clothes anyway. Mother, you really should remember the names of your staff.”

“They're just the help, details like their names don't matter. Ever since you went off to that school it's put silly ideas in your head. Natsuo don't be afraid to remind her who's boss, she might try to force those ridiculous relationship norms on you.”

The comment comes from your father who had been mostly silent throughout the whole conversation. The comment comes from your father and it didn't sit well with Natsuo. As your father laughs at what he said, Natsuo picks your bag up and chuckles at him. 

“Oh, [Y/N] and I both know who the boss of this relationship is. [Y/N] attends more classes than me, so I always make sure the apartment is clean, and food is ready on the table for her. It's only fair, I wouldn't want her to think these ridiculous relationship norms where the woman cooks and cleans and the man provides is right.”

Before your father gets another word in edgewise, Natsuo pulls you along with him to the staircase, letting you guide him to your bedroom with appeased smiles on your faces. You pushed the door open and let Natsuo in before closing it and locking it. You flopped over on the bed, and he followed suit before taking a look at your room. It was the same as always, the way you left it after high school, never changing except for when little things got moved around for dusting and vacuuming by Godwin. 

“So... What'd you think of my parents?”

“They’re... interesting?”

There were a wide variety of choice words Natsuo wanted to use. He did not like your parents, and it bothered him knowing that you grew up being raised with such ideals. Natsuo might have had a bastard for a father, his father might have hurt his mom, and his family in more ways than one, but his father never once told Fuyumi that she couldn't pursue her dreams. He never once told Fuyumi that she had to follow old gender norms, never once was Fuyumi taught to layover for a man.

"It's okay, you can say it. They're good awful."

"I didn't want to upset you or offend, but my father literally drove my mom insane, he gave her a mental illness and he's nice compared to them."

"Just wait until you meet my siblings."

You let out a laugh as your fingers played with the blanket on the bed. Your hands were so close. It was sweet to him, the sound of your voice. He'd never admit out loud, but he was so in love with you. Ever since he first laid eyes on you in chemistry class. Ever since you sat down next to him and introduced yourself, ever since you accidentally blew up your first experiment. Ever since you kept apologising for catching him on fire, you hadn't a clue who he was, or who his father was. You were normal with him. Every little thing you did lead up to his feelings for you. Every little thing you did added to the strong feelings had had, like a brick house.

To the naked eye, Natsuo was a desirable man. He was rich, filthy rich, and he had that Todoroki charm. Everyone wanted him for his status or his looks. They didn't know him, the real him, him with an abusive father and fucked up family. For all those reasons, Natsuo always thought that you wouldn't want to be with a boy like him. Someone who came from such a broken background, someone so weak, unable to stand up to his father. Guys like him never got the girl, at least not the girl that he wanted but Natsuo also never imagined that you came from a background similar to his. It was so ethereal and special to be here with you, to be the one you were opening up to, even if it was a fake relationship, Natsuo was trying desperately to shoot his shot.

"You're so strong, you know that? Your parents raised you with these unrealistic standards on how you should act, but you're in college, you're pursuing your dreams. You're amazing."

Natsuo's hand reached out and grabbed yours, his cold one in yours soliciting goosebumps and a little shiver. You quickly tried to pull your and out of his and stood up to make it look like you weren't trying to avoid skin contact with him.

"Thanks, Natsuo... You're amazing too, I mean hello, they way you subtly told my father to shove his marriage ideals? It was hilarious, he was not expecting that."

You looked away from Natsou to hide the blush in your cheeks, you were thankful for the way he stood up to your father for you. You could never have done that in a million years.

"Anyway, we should probably get dressed, and go down before my mother thinks we've started having sex. You can get dressed in here and I'll go to the bathroom, just knock when it's safe for me to come out."

You grabbed your dress out of the bag and scurried into the bathroom. You started with makeup, then you reapplied your deodorant. You were so nervous that your family would see right through your lie. After taking a few deep breaths you heard Natsuo's knock so you quickly unzipped your silk, baby blue dress and pulled it up to your body. Nervously, you popped your head out the door and bit your lip.

"Can you... Can you zip me up?"

"Sure!"

You let the door open more and pulled the front of your dress tight against your body, worried and nervous to be partially naked in front of him. Natsuo sauntered into the bathroom and zipped the back of your dress up. His cold hands glide up your back and then fell down on your hips. It made you shiver again before throwing him a grateful smile.

"Thanks."

"No problem, you look beautiful."

You looked in the mirror at the two of you together. This time as the blush rose to your cheeks you didn't have the cold to blame or the ability to turn around and hide your face.

"Ready to meet the rest of the snake nest?"

"I survived your parents, I think I can handle your siblings."

Arm in arm looped together you made your way downstairs and into the entertainment room with Natsuo. Your siblings were sitting on the couch, but once you walked in their eyes struck you. They heard you brought a date and they wanted to check him out. Their eyes glazed over him some of them in interest, some in disinterest. All judging.

"I heard you brought a boy, didn't believe it."

The comment comes from your older sister. Her voice was full of disdain and disinterest, undoubtedly ready to leave.

"Yeah, mother said you brought a boy, didn't think he'd be so hot."

Natsou coughs uncomfortably as you showed a tight, fake smile to your sister. You couldn't lie, it hurt that your younger sister would so blatantly flirt with your boyfriend upon meeting him, whether he be fake or not.

"Don't be such a slut, [Sisters Name]. That's your sister's boyfriend."

Your older brother scolded his youngest sister for her lustful behavior and she rolls her eyes before she crosses her arms in a pout. Your brother was the nicest out of all your siblings. He was nice to you and your siblings in his own way, protective of his younger siblings, constantly scolding and trying to keep you all in place. That didn't mean he couldn't be a snake, he could just tolerate you and your siblings more.

"Besides, he's not all that hot."

"Oh he totally is, it's seriously a wonder how [Y/N] got him."

You brought Natsuo over to the couch and sat down next to him. You even made sure to sit close to him, close enough so you could lean into each other like a cute couple.

"I think I prefer your parents."

His words whispered in your ear earning a light chuckle from you. Your sister, the younger one, evidently didn't like how close you both were. With a harsh glare, she rolled her eyes again.

"How did you even meet? Seriously, I wanna know why he would downgrade to someone like you."

Natsuo scratched the back of his head awkwardly and nervously He didn't understand why your siblings were so mean to you. His father was a bastard, that closed you off, that he could get. Despite that, he and his siblings never put each other down like they were doing.

"More like she downgraded to me. We met in school, lab partners. She had all the boys chasing for her in school, but somehow she chose me."

Your sister scoffed and this time you rolled your eyes. She always gave you such shit over the littlest things. You didn't have the energy for this, at least not sober. You whispered into Natsuo's ear softly.

"I need a drink, you want one? We'll need it to get through the evening."

"If your alcohol mixing skills are anything like your chemistry mixing skills, then no."

"Meanie, I'm a great chemist, I practically carry our grade."

Natsuo chuckled against your cheek, before pulling back and kissing it. Again, a blush adorned your cheek with no way to hide it. It was brief and quick, but his cold lips ghosted against your cheek. All you could do was abruptly stand up with a smile on your face.

"I'm gonna go find an alcoholic beverage. I'll be right back, play nice with him."

Natsuo watched helplessly as you walked off into the distance. He sat there quietly, patiently waiting for you to come back. Natsuo was such a cool, calm collected guy, but alone with your siblings, he felt nervous. Seeing the way they acted with you gave him a bad impression of them, but he has to play nice because he was your boyfriend.

"You know, an alcoholic drink does sound great."

Your older sister stood up from the couch and walked off in the same direction as you did, the kitchen presumably, to make herself a drink as well. Soon, your brother left the room as well, your little sister bit her lip as she watched your brother walk off in the direction of the bathroom. She was quick to stand and in the place you once held occupied.

"My sister said play nice, but I'd rather play rough."

She slid her hand over his thigh and inched it closer to his crotch while she smiled up at him, nibbling on her lip.

"What are you doing? I'm here with your sister, I'm her boyfriend."

"Ugh, what do you even see in her? She's not even pretty."

Before Natsou could reply, before he could defend you, your sister climbed across his lip and planted her lips against his. He wasn't kissing her back, but with her on top of him, her pressing her face against his, and her fingers deeply gripping his clothes it was difficult to get her off of him. He wasn't kissing back, he was trying to push her off but as you walked up with two margaritas in hand all you saw was your fake boyfriend kissing your sister.

It hurt. It shouldn't have, but it hurt. He wasn't yours, not really. He was just your lap partner, your friend. He wasn't your boyfriend, you were just fake dating. He wasn't yours. He wasn't yours, but it hurt to see your sister all over him. He wasn't yours, but for the night he was supposed to be. He wasn't yours but for the sake of your lie you did what any girl would do after finding her boyfriend cheating on her: You dumped your margarita down the skank.

"[Brothers Name] is right, you are a slut! And you- you-"

As your sister pulled herself off of Natsuo she looked up at you shocked with alcohol dripping down her body, you ignored her and turned your attention to Natsou. Your eyes were blurry but you had to will yourself not to cry.

"I don't need you here. You can just leave."

You didn't wait for Natsou to get up and leaves nor did you want for him to talk and explain anything to you. You simply took off in the direction of your bedroom, slamming the door behind you. Natsuo quickly jumped up on his feet and took off in the direction of your bedroom. He didn't knock, he didn't wait for permission, he just busted in and ran over to you.

"If you want to make out with my sister, that's fine. I get it, she's pretty, she's hot, she's better than me. She's everything you'd want, but you were supposed to be here with me! You were supposed to be here as my boyfriend! My parents were supposed to think we're in love. You were supposed to be mine, I don't care if it's fake, you cheated with my sister!"

The tears were leaking down your cheeks as you yelled at him. No words could pass Natsuo's lips, no matter how hard he tried. They couldn't. Seeing your tears, a product of him hurt. It hurt. He hurt you. He was trying his best to shoot his shot, he was trying to subtly woo you.

"Your sister came on to me, I tried pushing her away. She's really is a snake, you said it yourself!"

You still sniffled as you nodded at him. He was right, you had said that. He was right, she is a snake and this is exactly what she would do just to screw with your life.

"I'm sorry, your right. I shouldn't have acted like that, you're not actually mine. Natsuo, I do need you, I need you here."

"What if I wanted you to really be mine?"

You sniffling stopped as Natsuo took closer steps to you. He placed his hands on your cheeks and pulled your lips against his. This was different from earlier. The kiss wasn't quick, it was long. It was long and passionate, yet cold. Despite your shivers, you found yourself leaning into him, into the kiss.

"You- You can't do that, it's against the rules."

"Screw the rules. I just- I wish you needed me every night of the year, not just Christmas."

Natsuo ran his hands through his hair nervously. He thought speaking against your father and defending you against your sister was enough to get his point across. This idea of verbally speaking it, it scared him. This was uncharted territory for him.

"I want you [Y/N]. I want you every day of the year. I want to kiss you on the lips, I want to hold hands, I want dates and hugs. I want more than chemistry class and Christmas gatherings."

"Then you can have me! Have me every day of the year. Be mine, every day of the year. Take me on a date, hold my hand, kiss my lips!"

Natsuo pulled you against him and your face collided with his chest. You buried your face in his chest as your arms wrapped around his body and a smile formed.

"Let's not fake date, be my actual girlfriend."

You leaned up and left a quick chaste kiss on Natsuo's lips with a smile.

"I don't want anyone else to be my actual boyfriend, I suppose you might say we chemistry."

[venusiangguk]

BUDGETING

dont know if everyone will still want to know on budgeting lol

I don't want to sound like a bitch yk

BUT

I think the most important thing for me was learning to give yourself the freedom to enjoy things like little by little

I used to do this thing where I was uptight for a super long time and then I wpukd splurge huge amounts and for nothing.

I'm not religious either but I truly believe that setting out a little each month/week for charity is great bc it's always comes back in a form that's greater you know.

Pay rise, new job opportunities, idk good things.

Ik it sounds cringe and gross but I think it's worth it !

THE STEPS LMAO

Okay so I always but in 40%-45% like in the bag already savings I mean (this can obvs be adjusted to fit your own needs but if say keeping over 30% is key!)

And work around everything else in the steps below !!!

If I was brave enough I would send pictures of my last year budgeting plan and how I managed to save !! But I'm not 😭😭😭

the first step for me would be to list your monthly income !

Monthly is way easier to work with and easier to adjust in the long run !

Second would be list out things that have to be paid always. So fixed expenses.

I.e rent, MOT, bills, food ( for this I would highly recommend just having a monthly shopping of like say £20-25 - seems un do able but isnt !!! Frozen veggies are your best friend:)) gym membership, spotify, prime all of that.

Third which is super important for me at least would be to set out a like reward bonus for yourself.

( in cash preferably- like so once it's gone it's gone you know- like monthly rewards for yourself - sometimes you use it and sometimes you dont!! )

Fourth - ALWAYS SET AN EXTRA LIL FUND FOR THE UNEXPECTED THINGS!!! ( car crashes, dentist, medicine if your toaster breaks if your fridge breaks !! all of that lovely stuffs 😃)

So when you look at all that infront you- really just scrutinise it.

Like -

How much of that do you really need to spend?

Is there anything you can cut out on ?

This is super important at least to me bc then I see that yh shit - that is crazy I'm spending useless money )

I think that also keeping student loans separate is SUUUUPER SUUUUPER bc it just. Idk if anyone else is like this but seeing how much they expected from me to be able to learn always depressed me so I made a separate folder for that- made it pretty so it didnt look sooo bad lmao ) but I think the biggest part was getting to grips that I had all that to pay back!!!

Then like random things :

Concerts, events, holidays.

Like make sure you have them planned in advance and make separate funds for all of them.

To cater to what they need! Like for a concert- hotel and food money and merch buying and army bomb and a NEW OUTFITTTT lmao)

And yh - I think setting up a teeny amount for charity or to help ppl is always great aswell bc well idk you feel good and it does always come to find you- doesnt have to be a large amount. Maybe even a food box every month or smn cute and sweet like that !!

This is how I did it : ( kind of irrelevant and just abt silly me lmao but maybe itll help(?))

So i used to work night shifts at this horrible packing place ( it was freezing too but the pay was so good! It was £15-18 an hr ( sometimes even more )and I used to work from 11pm-4am 7 days a week like I didnt take a day off until I quit and i did it for 2 years ! That was like 50k but I had a lot of things to pay off and my parents wanted nearly all of it back off of me 😃)

This is also the NOT the job I wanted yk? Like I used to work with a bunch of stinky ass men and it sucked but I had to do it bc well my parents kicked me out bc I was non religious looool.

I was never enough and I just got kicked out yk? ( oh no not my sob story but just to put it into perspective sort of like I was fucking depressed my money was going like wildfire )

So I had to kind of take everything/every opportunity. They expected a lot back from me too in that way like alot of my learning was going to them :/)

From 5-7

I worked at a bakery ! Cooking and baking and having fun! That was the best job I had the pay wasnt all that but it was something and I needed everything I could get ! It wasnt everyday either but so and so.

I also am bilingual so that way I was able to get a job as a teacher in a daytime school teaching which I did voluntarily! For the first year !

( I had this routine for 2 years!!)

So like I was getting an okay amount from these jobs but god heavens I was spending so unnecessary.

Like a high price for a shit apartment where I would have to pay for things to get fixed to and that was really expensive.

My parents also took alot first year earnings and that's when I was like well shit I have nothing I really need to like get my shit together yk?

There was student loan (- I dont want to like envoke sympathy bc of all this I just wanna like say that my money was kind of slipping away yk I feel like I'm being annoying 😭😭😭 ) - and just a whole lot of wasting on food ( my biggest expenditure- at the time I was struggling with binge eating and bulimia so 🙃🙃 yh )

Dumb shit off amazon, and like just crap you know

Also car petrol and mot and car stuff. and bus and train fares just money can go so easily.

It was just super super tiring to have juggle all these balls at once but when I got the hang of it like doing all those steps I felt more free and more aware of myself and I was able to enjoy while still getting yk the most out of what I do.

I work as a translater/teacher now so the pay is good and like using these steps is how I got the most out of myself

Uh idk If this even makes sense anymore and I'm sorry if come off as bitch too

I don't mean to or come with a sob story

I just think its important to like realise that no matter what and who in your life demands things from you - you always have to choose to look after yourself first- how you choose too look after yourself is ultimately how you choose to look after others too ! Take good care of yourself - give yourself a clearer mind and you'll be able to see a bigger picture- outside of the one built for you !!

If your struggling with other issues - mental health too it can help bring clarity to that too ! Bc it's some sort of semblance.

Gosh I feel gross what if you have to read all of this 😭😭😭

I hope it helps you ♡♡

Budgeting is really important bc we need to buy houses!!

Need property!!!

Start our own businesses !!

Become our own bosses !

It's just super important to know your expenses you can know yourself better too !

And you can be more mature and more self aware

💜💜💜💜💜💜💜

Gosh I really ate your ear off with this one

for everyone wondering about our bestie w 50k savings: this is her story !!

[robert-de-niro-only-fans]

Pay Day

Robert De Niro x Cam Girl!Reader

Author's note: Just a smutty little good time for everyone to enjoy while I whittle away at this very long Sam Rothstein fic!

TW: smut, age gap, cam girl, sex toys

Word Count: 1.8k

You've been working this job as a cam girl for a little while now, and you'd been very lucky that your page took off. It gave you enough money to pay the bills and invest some into the job, buying outfits and decorations for your bedroom.

In the past week or so, you'd gotten a new subscriber, one who simply 𝘩𝘢𝘥 to see all of your content. He's paid for everything you have available on your page, and he even sent you a message telling you how beautiful you are and that he is excited for your next livestream. You reply back with a few nudes that you only send to big spenders and an "XOXO! 💋"

That night during your livestream, the tips start rolling in from all kinds of guys and maybe even some girls. You take notice each time "TheRagingBull" drops a nice stack of coin on you; he's giving up enough to pay your rent in one night.

Later that evening, you bounce up and down on a vibrating dildo suction cupped to the floor that that the audience can control with their donations, and a huge donation of $2500 comes across the screen with a message from this new viewer that reads: "i have to have you, angel! i have to have you!" The vibrator inside you goes crazy; you can hardly think as you try to process a tip this big while you reach your orgasm!

After the steam ends, you typically take time to message the big spenders or regulars that support you, so you send a message to the guy with the big wallet, "Thank you so much for your generous donation, baby! Please let me know if there's anything I can do for you 😘 maybe a certain outfit you'd like me to wear or a special video just for you. Lots of love! XOXO"

Within a few minutes, you receive a reply, "how about a private session? i'd like to see you one on one and be able to talk with you"

You pause to think about it. You'd never done anything like this before with one of your viewers, but he paid you so much. You know there are girls who make much more than that, but this is big for you-

Another message: "i'll pay for it, $5000 an hour, your time is valuable ❤️"

You immediately reply back, sorting out the details of this video call.

• • •

You're nervous about the video call. He had told you it was really important that he keep his anonymity from everyone; you can't tell anyone who he is. You had no idea what you're getting into.

You're all dressed up in a nice silk dress with some simple lingerie underneath like he asked, when you get the call. You take a deep breath and answer, your jaw nearly hitting the floor when you see Robert De Niro on the screen in front of you. You could tell he was nervous: he's a suit and tie, wanting to dress up for you, and he has a nice red blush on his cheeks as he wrings his hands together.

"You're joking, right? You've got to be an impersonator or something," you joke with a breathy laugh.

"No, no, it's really me," he chuckled.

"Well... it's nice to meet you, Robert."

"It's nice to meet you too, (Y/N). You look stunning."

It almost feels like a date at first, the way you're both so shy and nervous, but things loosen up the more you slip out of your clothes for him and he showers you in compliments. Eventually it leads to you touching yourself for him, using any you get asks for.

"Um, would it be inappropriate if I... played with myself as well?" he asks you. He's probably the only person who could still be a gentleman when asking a question like that, and because of it, you tell him he should go ahead.

Below the camera, he slides his pants off and immediately starts stroking himself, letting out a few little moans of relief; he must have already been hard at the sight of you.

Throughout your session, he removes his jacket and tie, leaving just his button up shirt on, unbuttoned a little bit.

"You don't wanna get naked for me, Bobby? Are you a little bit shy?" you tease at him.

He simply blushes at you and glances away, but not for long, because he can't keep his eyes off of you. The way he doesn't say anything tells you he's close.

"Bobby, honey, cum for me. Cum for me, baby," you coo for him.

Within seconds, he furrows his eyebrows and starts letting out short deep breaths. You see his seed spill up onto his shirt, covering his tummy and chest. He quickly grabs a napkin to clean up his mess once he comes down from his high.

• • •

Over the next few weeks, you have a few more of these sessions wherever Robert has time, and before long he's asking you to come to dinner with him.

"I'll buy you new clothes, dresses, lingerie. I'll cover your dinner. And then... I'd like to pay you to come back to my place."

You almost can't believe what you're hearing, but it makes sense. It seems you two had grown to like each other, maybe not romantically, but sexually. That's all Robert is looking for, and besides, the money is really nice.

And so you meet him for dinner. He's such a gentleman, but there's also a lot of sexual tension between the two of you. The way he keeps stroking your thighs and teasing at the ties on your dress tells you he can't wait to get you home.

After a tasty dinner and a few glasses of champagne, you can hardly keep your hands off of one another, so he quickly whisks you out to the car to get you home.

Stumbling out of the car and up to his apartment, making out the whole time, you barely make it to his room with all your clothes still on. Your body hits his bed with all the ties on your dress undone and the fabric barely hanging on to you.

Robert takes off his suit jacket, hooking it on the back of a chair. He kicks off his shoes and unties his tie, which you reach out for.

"You want this?" he holds up the tie.

"Yes," you giggle, crossing your thighs a little to tease him.

He hands you the tie, and works on getting the rest of his clothes off. You jump up and get on your knees, sitting on your feet on his bed. You put his tie around your neck and hold your dress to your chest so it doesn't fall off, while you enjoy the show. Robert looks very good taking his clothes off slowly, sensually.

He sits on the bed next to you in his underwear, beginnings of a hard on present underneath the fabric there. He kisses you gently and asks, "Is it okay if I take this off?" He gestures to your dress.

"Yes, you can take my dress off, honey."

He slowly slides your dress down and gets you to stand up so he can slide it past your hips to the floor. You straddle his lap, wearing your sexy black matching underwear and his tie. The man beneath you kisses your chest and lips, while he ties the tie properly around your neck.

"Wow, I'm like a real gentleman now!" You both share a laugh at your remark.

"You look sexy, baby. I like the tie on you," he says as you cup his head in your hands.

"Mm, thank you," you say, pushing him back on the bed, hovering over him, kissing him.

After some giggling and kissing, there's a quiet pause between the two of you.

"Let me make love to you, (Y/N)."

"Okay... But you told me this isn't about love, Robert."

"Well, what if I told you it's about making you feel good? Making you feel good on my dick, the way you felt good on that vibrator the first time I watched you live streaming."

Hearing him talk dirty like this turns you on... a lot. "I think I could work with that," you whisper to him.

With that, he's flipping you over and tearing off your bra and panties, quite literally.

"Oh, but I liked those!" you complain.

"I'll buy you more, princess," he says before attacking your lips with kisses. He kicks his underwear off and within minutes you're deep in the throes of passion as he thrusts into you. Despite being an older guy, his skills are still very much in tact.

"You're so beautiful. You feel so good, baby; I've wanted you so bad for so long," he breathes out in between hip movements.

You plant a few kisses on his lips and cheeks, "Robert, stop baby."

"You okay? Did I hurt you?"

"No, sweet man, you didn't hurt me," you flip him over and straddle him, "you told me you wanted me to feel good on you the way I felt good on that vibrator, so... I should ride you."

"Oh, well I'm not gonna argue with that," he says, taking your hands and intertwining his fingers with yours. You bounce up and down pleasing yourself on his hardness, and that seems to please him as well.

Your night is filled with lots of passion and pleasant feelings. You make Robert feel youthful; Robert showers you in money and gifts; and you both make each other feel desirable and even a little bit loved.

• • •

Months go by, and you and Robert become a regular thing. You both live your own lives, but you turn to each other for the things you need from one another, and Robert makes for an excellent Sugar Daddy.

"What about this one, sweetie? Do you think it's as pretty as the other one?" You're on a video call with him, trying on several sets of lingerie he had mailed to you.

"You make everything look pretty, angel," he smiles at you.

You stop and make a pouty face at him.

"What? Did I say something wrong?" he asks concerned.

"No..." you whine.

"What is it, then?"

"It's just- you should be home right now so you can be with me instead of filming some dumb movie," you complain to him, being needy.

“Well, princess, this ‘dumb movie’ is gonna put more money in Daddy's bank account, so he can keep buying you more of those little -ahem- 𝘰𝘶𝘵𝘧𝘪𝘵𝘴 you’re wearing right now." He gives his classic little mischievous smirk.

You pause for a long time before saying, "So?!"

He chuckles at your cute response.

"I'm still gonna miss you while you gone," you say quietly.

"I know, honey bee, I know."