#I dont really know how else to explain some of this
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howitcouldgoes · 2 days ago
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TADC EP 5 SPOIELRS AGAIN!!!!!
Now that I’m rewatching the episode I’d like to put in my two cents on the mannequin theory.
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I’ll be straight up about it: I think it’s Kaufmo.
OR more minorly I think someone whose partially in the game- someone who hasn’t been registered by the system yet observing those who have
Like someone who is able to exit the Circus/is able to take off the headset, observing the people trapped inside trying to study them or figure out how to save them.
But mostly I think it’s Kaufmo.
Unless you look at gooseworx’s tumblr page where they will occasionally reveal old members of the circus like Queenie and Ribbit And that one time Queenie was mentioned not by name specifically- but indirectly mentioned Point is, only Kaufmo is mentioned by name, by physical image, and we get a briefing on his personality as well. Kaufmo who set up the whole find the exit of the show, as well as how a crazy goes insane here and how it’s probably the closest thing to death there is.
Of course, we never see Kaufmo other than a portrait or drawings before he abstracts - so what if that’s him? What if Kaufmo found a way out of the cellar with the others and it just kind of reset him?
Either way, I have a feeling since Ep 6 is also a Ragatha and Jax centric episode - episode 7 is either going to be about this mysterious character OR it's going to be abt Kaufmo.
And while I'm on the subject of theories -
I briefly mentioned how everyone got to be in the circus in my last post but I want to reiterate my number one theory abt Jax and that is - (no longer that he is a NPC but) that Jax in real life is ill.
Let me elaborate: I have a running gag with some friends Jax's yellow eyes and teeth are a jaundice thing - but now that I'm really thinking about it - a bunny character?
Jax has already mentioned his love that of his avatar, he likes his ears and is genuinely upset to find that he lost his tail in one of the past adventures(I think he lost it when his friend Ribbit abstracted) but there's something else.
Bunny characters always have buck teeth - and yet Jax doesn't.
Now of course, I think he looks waaaay better without that usual rabbit teeth and love his expressions more than any other character - he is the most expressive and the most amusing -
But WHY yellow teeth?
Am I reading too much into this? Absolutely,
But anyhow my solid theory is primarily based off Jax's yellow facial features AND the backstory he choses to lie about. I know he's referencing a show(I think its breaking bad if memory serves) when he mentions having lung cancer - but why that show specifically? Because it's dark, violent, and its a meme now?
It's such a weird opening for Jax to start with him being sick - having lung cancer.
Of course I don't think he has lung cancer - but my theory essentially is: Jax willingly put on the headset to escape into this circus BECAUSE he has a life threatening illness of some kind. Jax knew he was dying, wasn't happy that maybe his illness prevented him from doing physical activities with his friends and when he heard of a world where he can't die or get injured - he was all for it.
Because so far? Jax seems to be the only character who doesn't care that he's trapped in here. Everyone has expressed some distaste for it, Ragatha missing her horses, Pomni and Zooble missing their old bodies and/or lives, Gangle upset she couldn't follow her art dreams(? AGAIN IDK WHY GANGLE IS HERE SHES THE ONLY OUTLIER), Kinger missing his wife but hes too far gone to remember any of the good bits but i defo dont think hes happy to be here- esp considering his wife is dead.
to sum it up:
The mannequin is Kaufmo
and Jax has a life threatening illness outside of the circus - which could also explain why Ragatha's sweet "you can do it! its all gonna be okay!" attitude bothers him so much because he remembers being told that so many times in the hospital
But thats just a theory, a
FOLLOW UP EDIT/THEORY:
DONT FORGET- theres also the "worst thing Jax has ever done" that we will "see with our very eyes"
I used to think it was Jax causing one of the main cast to abstract
but what if it's not
What if it was something Jax doesn't do - but something he did
I think Jax caused his only friend(Ribbit) to abstract. And we'll be seeing a flashback of that.
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paging-possum · 1 year ago
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"why are you like this" when I was a kid and I got bored I would put open copies of National Geographic on the screen of the (entirely turned off) computer just to practice touch typing. I wasn't actually allowed to use the computer or anything but I liked the feel of typing and copying the words and my parents didn't care that much so I would just do that for hours. I also did this when I WAS allowed to use the computer because I liked it that much and I would keep a document open underneath the National Geographic even though I couldn't see the screen to see how accurate I was with it. I was 6
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seventh-district · 6 months ago
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Figured I'd try my hand at some Redacted character post/text edits!
[ 1 / ? ]
Credit to @/sainthowlzon for all the Listener icons, and to @/elisacaleisa for their google drive with all the canon icons!
(slightly alternative version of the Solaires' GC edit below the cut bc i had a lil too much fun with what Vincent would name his contacts)
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#redacted audio#redacted asmr#redacted memes#redactedverse#redacted sam#redacted darlin#redacted vincent#redacted honey#redacted guy#redacted azmidi#redacted sweetie#redacted david#redacted asher#redacted treasure#redacted porter#redacted alexis#redacted william#*slaps post* *flextape meme guy voice* now THAT's a lotta characters!#good Lord these were hard to figure out ALT text for. anyone more experienced with describing images feel free to lmk if i did it wrong#i'm trying to both give credit to the images source (when there even is one. text screenshots are usually source-less when i find them)#And to explain what the original images said. And how I edited them. And who's speaking in what message and aaaaaaa ...i Tried#breaking away from my old style of edits by actually changing the OP's handles to suit the characters. but i'm not creative enough to think#-of cool ones so it's just gonna be their names most of the time probably lmao. but i'll leave the original ones unedited if they happen-#-to fit like the Darlin' one did. and sometimes there Is no handle/url in the image to begin with so. i'm playing it by ear#still gonna put credit to the OPs in the ALT text when i can tho. anyways. that's enough overanalyzing meme edits for one night#i spent way too much time on these so i sure do hope that some of y'all find them funny#and as usual with these kinda edits i really hope i'm not accidentally making any that have been done before!#if i ever make a duplicate of someone else's i swear its not intentional i just dont have time to scour the fandom for every existing edit#also i know that's not how iMessages are formatted but i had to find a way to make it clear who's POV we're seeing the convo from so yeah
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sonknuxadow · 1 year ago
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am i the only one who still thinks that they didnt do enough with rouge in sonic prime. and not in a "she didnt get enough screentime" sort of way but in a "they didnt seem to be putting as much thought into what they were doing with her as they were with the other main characters" sort of way
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thedrotter · 4 months ago
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comparison!! yuu as I drew him in 2024, february 5th; and this panel from my latest post that just so happened to be drawn in february 5th 2025...
it has been a full year since i started to draw re:kinder like crazy www when drawing yuu i'd always reference one of my own drawings of him for consistency, yet even the way i draw him changed quite a lot www
but im very happy with it😊😊 thought id share this since im amused by the evolution of it
#my art#re:kinder#yuuichi mizuoka#that also happened to be the starting point where i started to draw rekinder like crazy#not the first time i drew it#but it was when my mind had finally set on. “yo...this...this is so peak i need to draw it really bad i have so many visions”#god bless you rekinder and thank you mr parun#imma be so real i have. GENUINELY no idea what i would be drawing if i hadnt played rekinder#what i was into drawing a lot beforehand was Earthbound but. unfortunate events happened that. kind off have soured it for me#even now im still shaken up by thay so . i dont think i would have really gone back to drawing it as intensely imma be real#so with that YEAH i have no idea what id be doing?? drawing my ocs maybe idk but what would i be doing with my brain#rekinder has become such a big comfort and part of my life now that its hard to imagine howd it be if i didnt play it#like indulging in something that comforts me in that way really helped me cope with my illness so. i genuinely dont know what id been doin#anyway fun fact i think its very apparent but the only thin that has stayed the exactly th3 same is the color scheme#which may sound strange but whenever i draw a new character im not one to color pick much rather i pick colors out for myself#in some cases its for value adjustments where id see it fit but mostly i think picking my colors making them my own is part of my style www#dunt know how to explain it but point is the colors have stayed exactly the same www#ITS FUNNT BECAUSE I STILL FOLLOW THE SAME METHODOLOGY I DID WHEN DRAWIN YUU LAST YEAR#i know visually they look different but i see my art with my hands#like. im not good at all remembering things visually and the way i make things stick is via hands and the way ive drawn yuu is the same#hand memory disc.... i think a good chunk of my long term memory is registered through my hands#i think if my hands were to be chopped off i would forget how to speak#but does that imply that if my hands were to be consumed or sewed onto someone elses arms they would gain the knowledge i save there#or is my elbow or full arm is needed to achieve that connection... like what if the rest of the arm if like. the torso to the brain of the h
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collgeruledzebra · 2 months ago
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been a while since ive had a spell of anxiety bad enough i genuinely can't tell how much im overreacting
#like AM i overreacting? almost certainly. are the REASONS for being anxious valid? might be tbh!! but then again maybe not#i really really hate this. i hate not being able to judge what is Reasonable what is Rational. most of the time although i cant dispel#the anxiety i can still on another level know that it is irrational and that tempers the effects. not this timeeeee#meeting with my mentor tomorrow im going to try to get things as clear as i can to move forward i just dont know if ill be able to make#myself explain how ive been feeling because im genuinely afraid ive been wasting both of our time by not taking enough initiative#like i think he thinks im much busier than i actually am but i have no idea what he thinks im Doing because he hasnt given me all that much#to do#(unless im missing something major which is very unlikely and not really worth worrying about i dont think)#but regardless i spend a Lot of my time just sort of whiling it away looking at literature that isnt really relevant scrolling thru shit i#dont care about on linkedin staring into space etc#and now the big meeting for the program is coming up and we still havent done the experiment we originally set out to do#and i really honestly think i couldve made more progress by now if id just decided to take things more into my own hands#but for some reason that didnt really occur to me until fairly recently and now it feels like too little too late#idk idk tbf im pretty sure most of the other people in this program have said they feel like they arent prepared for the meeting either#but like im unprepared for REAL for real and i know i couldve taken steps before now to avoid that#and yeah it comes down to feeling like ive wasted time and resources that couldve been used better by someone else#because they SHOULD be used i dont hate my job i dont hate the project or the program i think theyre all worth while#but somehow im just not transferring that into my day to day#BLEH. maybe hopefully i can get on a clearer track for the next month or so at least with this meeting tomorrow#personal tag
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imthatwannabeauthor · 11 months ago
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#there is this inherent horrible horrible guilt to me when it comes to money#I can not buy something for me. I Have to convince myself it is for something productive#or it will be used by my family or used with my friends#it cant just be for me for nothing or its all for naught#and i dont know how to explain this to people#i really really dont#because then sometimes people will offer to get something for me but thats almost worse#because then it shifts from the guilt of wasting money on yourself for nothing. a solid 65/100 on the guilt scale#to wasting *someone elses* money on myself for nothing which is an easy 80 or so on the guilt scale and is only worse if it costs more#like see.#its easy when its like christmas because so long as you are about equivelent in money or I am doing more than the other it is good and righ#but as soon as the scale tips there is something horrible in my chest like ive done some great wrong to be righted#you know?#I dont know its just#i feel so strange trynig to ever expalin it all so i just . dont#I just try to circumnavigate it#like like#if i can just pay them back overtime it works out perfect#a lot of times i get really really narvous about this to a weird degree and i genuinely dont know how to get out of it#because when its like way over into the red with someone the last time i got so stressed I started sweating like I was running#and i was breathing weird and feeling lightheaded so i layed down on the ground and just stayed there for a while#sorry to Justice and Charles who will never see this post or explaination and only knew that I got really weird at my own birthday circa 19#idk#its just one of those inherent traits to me forever and ever
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fizzyghosts · 11 months ago
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Hywel is inspired by a mix of my issues with stories with nonhuman protagonist/about nonhumans becoming human AND vet posts ive seen warning people about the dangers of anthropomorphisizing animals. Its fine to joke about your pets doing things out of spite or other human emotions, it does put you at risk of not being able to read their body language correctly. Cats dont cry out of sadness, a cat crying, with actual tears streaming down its face, is a sign of a medical issue. A dog smiling isn't doing it bc its happy, it means its nervous. Not being able to spot these is bad, and sometimes even dangerous, for you and the animal.
If you never get past Hywel's human appearance and treat him like one its like getting a reactive dog, doing zero research or training, and then taking it to a dog park. If Hywel mauls someone in town then its on you.
#hywel struggles a lot with good vs bad things specifically#he makes decisions based on what makes him feel good or bad (like most people) but#if you explain something being bad to him using emotional reasons (it makes you a bad person‚ its an awful thing to do‚ its gross)#he genuinely will not get it#he'll try to stop! just bc he was told to stop! but he doesn't know how to apply it to other situations#murder for example#he's immortal death doesnt have the same meaning to him#and he doesn't particularly care about people outside of arisen#they're entertaining he finds them fun. they're critters to him#but he's not bothered by them dying#arisen dying is bad bc it means he failed his charge. he cant die. regular people dying? eh whatever#so he doesn't really get why murder is bad#if ur in vernsworth and tell him no then he'll be like i dont understand but ok!!#its only bad in vernsworth bc thats where you said no at!! everywhere else is fine !#he's not trying to find loopholes!!! he genuinely doesn't get it and is doing his best to work with what he's given!!!#his way of thinking is p straightforward and logical though#so you have to explain stuff by how it effects him and how the cons of doing it outweigh the benefits#hywel u cant murder people you dont like bc if we allowed that people would kill merchants and then you couldn't buy stuff#anyway bonus scifi au stuff while im here#hywel would remember the time loops and would do whatever it takes to keep the crew safe#but the thing is. cosmic horror hywel doesn't really understand time or how the loops are fucking people up#he knows the false dawn losing its crew was bad. he doesn't understand WHY its bad‚ but he knows it is#and he loves this crew! theyre funny and some of them are fun to chew on. enrichment.#he's gonna do whateve it takes to keep this crew safe and together. on the ship. y'know‚‚‚ bc the other ship losing its crew was bad#restarting a loop means nothing to him. yeah he's gotta start over with his friendships but thats fun! enrichment!#hes a creature time means nothing to him#beginning of the loop all his friends are here :^) he's completely unaware of how its negatively effecting people#anyway i cannot stress enough he isn't doing this to be malicious he's just doing his best#someone would absolutely realize he was doing this early on and if you tell him to stop he will#but yeah better hope you can explain why he cant do that well enough or hywels gonna unintentionally find every loophole
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unnonexistence · 2 months ago
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fuuuuuuck celiac disease
#my symptoms are never that bad but i never know how to explain the psychological distress#or the way the line around what is 'safe' is very fuzzy#like. technically there are restaurants that are safe for me but most places#and ESPECIALLY most places within a certain price range#are varying degrees of Not#and it's just#people try to be nice to you and they make it worse#we will order food special for you! don't worry!#because they want to include you#but on some level it is also just. be normal!! be normal and Eat At Restaurant like everyone else!!!#SOMETIMES I DONT WANT TO#i have a disability that makes it difficult for me to eat at restaurants!#sometimes the solution is to stop fucking expecting me to eat at restaurants!!#i dont know. im having problems again and i dont know why and i want to yell#sometimes the right accommodation is letting me be a control freak in peace#but unfortunately that makes people feel Yucky inside because monkey brain says food = community#so they keep trying to come up with alternatives that are not what i want#this is at work#i dont know how to communicate any of this in a way thats like. Normal#people dont want to accept that the existence of e.g. gluten free bread doesnt just. fix everything#and they get all Sad about it#like. literally it's fine#just accept that my life is a bit different. please#it isnt Worse it's just different#the bread IS worse but that's not really a big deal. im still out here living my life#anyway im TRYING to navigate the social complexities of Boss Buys Employees Food Sometimes#but. good lord is it ever exhausting sometimes#personal
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autism-corner · 3 months ago
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uhoh
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tildeath-douspart · 3 months ago
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I wonder if they think of me
#the way i think of them#every time i can't sleep theyre the only people i want to message or call or just.. hear from#every time something awful happens lately they're some of the only people i can think of that just... thinking about them cheers me up.#whenever something good or silly or fun or important or really pleasant or weird happens.. i want to tell them first and hear their#excited or happy or sweet or dumbfounded responses#when its late and im alone... i want to listen to their snoring... or feel my head against his chest but for longer than a hug this time#ive begun to be scared that im so full of love it physically repells my partners. i want to be good for them so bad that im rancid in#some way.#i want to be there beside each of them so badly that they pull back... and when i give them space? they dont seem to reach out to me first#i feel like im.. so far down the list. maybe just because they know ill be there so they dont idk. care to check in?#they've told me before that if im doing badly they trust/assume that i would tell them#i cant even get a paying-attention response to the positive news i give sometimes... let alone. what i feel like is. my constant bad news#i want to be good. i want to be positive and hopeful and trusting and optemistic and patient#i feel like such a “maybe” or an “eventually”. i feel replacable and every way theyve tried to explain that im not its just...#them describing me as something sooo special im either too much. or that they think im too fragile or too explosive. or that they want#to meet someone else or more people who make them feel like i do. like im just a collectable trinket they can catch more of when they#dont want me specifically around but someone who does as much for them as i might. or can make them feel as loved as i honestly do love them#and they deserve that.#they deserve more than just me#they both do#i am disabled and im dramatic and im terrified of living this way and i feel so lonely whenever im in any company but theirs#because i either dont know how to interact well wifh others. or when i do get along with someone... it ends up gettin really scary for me#really quickly.#met nice friends? turns out they were mid-drug-relapse and want my help getting sober#met people i had stuff in common with in adult only spaces?? turns out they were lying about half of the details about themselves to fit in#reconnected wifh kind old friends? one of them is belligerent and mean almost daily and they others arent comfortable being near that#open up to my family about my struggles? get told i should leave#ive vented before on this blog and others that tbh most of the time my main reason for not doing really impulsive bad things to/for myself#is my fiancé. he's my best friend and my motivation and my love and my family... and now i have a seocnd partner as well and I#feel similarly and really strongly about them as well
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widevibratobitch · 6 months ago
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hooohoooohoooooo i think i need to go back to therapy im starting to have Thoughts that im too stupid for again
#sometimes i really think id like to feel something without stopping to analyse whether its fair and logical in this particular situation#but then i see someone else do that and get so frustrated and annoyed because can you not SEE how its useless and unwarranted and illogical#which is bad! this is a bad reaction! which i am beating away with a stick obv but its still there and i hate it#i wasnt always like this is the thing and i feel like its actively getting worse which is what worries me#i realised some time ago i dont actually go to therapy to Get Better. that is not really my intention deep down.#i dont need the therapist to tell me why im like this because im actually very good at connecting those dots and i like doing it actually#i feel like a private detective with a board of clues and red string. its fun. what i actually really go to therapy for#is to have someone whom i can PAY to listen to me do it because only this way i wont feel guilty about it lol#and it helps that it's a person who's smarter than me and has some actual academic knowledge that i lack#also ngl id like someone to Explain some things to me cause baby i just dont fucking get it. i dont *understand* why other people do that#and ngl its driving me crazy. its like trying to play a card game where i dont know any fucking rules and everyone else does#but the moment i ask for some i get bitchslapped. so all i know is what ive managed to Observe and its enough to survive ig#but you never know when you'll do something that seems completely normal to you and everyone at the table will start tweaking#its like the older i get the less i understand and its Weird
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microwavetoaster-selfships · 5 months ago
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Yes but one of the grand things about having Finn cook for me is that I don't have to suppress my autistic need to know every little ingredient inside of a food or dish because I can just endlessly ask him the question every five minutes or as needed.
#this is silly. this is so silly. I was also reminded of how overstimulating restaurants were especially when I cant wear any headphones or-#-earbuds because I dont want to come off as “ignorant/indecent person” sort of thing. But what is even more silly is me ominously staring-#-at my food trying not to ask. as it was made. in front of me. IT WAS A HIBATCHI RESTAURANT. The only things I didnt know were some of the-#-sauces that got put into the stirfry and even then im like 95% sure it was just soy sauce or like teriyaki. I dont know about the salad-#-though. That was like thousand island dressing but...lumpier. and something else. Restaurants are like the opposite of where I should hang#-out. They are my enemy. the only upside is that I can take my food home in a take out box if the place offers it. Cause eating infront of-#-other people i just cant do it. Which im sure ive said before perhamps. I was so worried the hibatchi person would question why im-#-not eating and I gotta explain to them that it's not the food I just have some strange.. paranoia? I suppose I would call it? I mean it is#-an irrational fear. Im not even that upset over it this was all last night im just running my mouth now.#It's where I can look back and giggle over it now because it was a bit silly. Forgive me Finn. You seem like you would love to-#-eat out at restaurants as date nights. I would absolutely fork over all my money even if it was just buying you a meal. Howver unfortunetl#-for me I feel like you would also tell me it isn't really a good date if only one of us are enjoying ourselves and would rule out-#-doing dinner dates until it got to the point of like. Me being fine with eating at home infront of him.#And for that I banish him to kisses from me for one thousand years. It says it here in the rule book. I dont make the rules I just follow-#-them.\#finn🩶💙#self ship#selfship#selfshipping#self shipping
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heavierthanlaila · 2 years ago
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allah surely is the most merciful and he truly does listen to your duaas and he indeed answers all of them.
#i literally made duaa few days ago and said ya allah if this person is bad for me or if this relationship is making you angry with me pls#take him out of my life#(i was only talking to this guy to know him better for the sake of marriage)#and LITERALLY the next day this dude out of nowhere decided to be super passive aggressive because of something very minor#so i confront him and express my feelings clearly and calmly but get a little mean at the end and his reaction is why are you being mean lol#so i explained why and he was like even if let's say i was mean why would you be mean to me in return???#LMAOOO#like...#so i said so you get to be passive-aggressive and give me the silent treatment and i dont even get to protest in a harsh tone?????#but i didnt argue i just said i really thought you were better than this and that was that#he left just as quickly as he came into my life#the funny thing tho was when he said that he doesn't like it when i use “big words” like manipulation and passive-aggressive#like so he even wants to dictate how i express myself let alone be angry that he crossed my boundaries and was doing something i found annoy#honestly egyptian/arab men are indeed something else#I'm just sad that i let him disturb my peace tbh#I'm glad it's over because I dont have time for some elementary school kid trapped in a 29 year old body#he even made me seriously question myself like if i was that rude or that inconsiderate but honestly it was just him being too insecure#alhamdulilah he is out of my life#I'm so grateful that allah is my wakeel because he surely won't let me down
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autosarcophagy-avaritia · 11 days ago
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my roommate hasa to get a phone today because of storage. i cant wait to see how much i want to kill myself by the end of this!
#hes like fucking clueless and takes forever#and like ik i get it but couldnt you bother to go over shit a million times before hand??#mine took 10~mins max with going back because i forgot to switch my number over.#knowing him hes gonna get the exact same thing but take 50 mins or so to think on it#like what is there to think on??#its not like hes trading in his phone or smth#'well finances' well your work and lack of storage says too damn bad.#just suck it up and do it bro its not that big of a deal.#(coming from the guy who deleted literally everything that he could from his phone before daring to consider getting a new one for 3 years)#damn that phone lasted longer than my relationship holy#both my roommates kept all their old phones so#they just gave them to me??????#i dont really know why either?????#like just full acesss. no passwords no nothing.#im too scared to look at the photos on some of them tbh#roughly and i quote 'youre the techy guy you can probably find a use for them'#im. really not. i vaugely know which files i need to get into and how to alter game code and change vcl skins.#i took a intro to coding corse once and sucked at it.#it was mostly just html and css and i just made like every word penis.#im not that good at this shit.#tbf. i know the difference between a micro usb changer. type c. and a iphone charger and they think im god for it so. idk where my standard#even are atp. ok but seriously just look at the plug in its literally just basic ass shapes.#i love praise but i genuienly belve im sub par and everyone around me is just acting stupid.#because that totally helps a warped sense of self doesnt it!#god im just fucking dreading this. i have to get showered and go with him and stand there for like an hour or so with no chairs explaining#the most basic shit while he keeps double checking with everyone else. like bro dont ask me in the first place. then have to come back and#help him set it up and get a million questions about how icloud works#and reinstall all his apps. and then maybe ill be done 5 hours later.#i cleaned my desk the other day i was planning to get some shit done with my set up#(i hate my current set up. like its fine and all but oh my god its kinda horrendous. i made 'decorations' if you can even call them that bc
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phagodyke · 8 months ago
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zzzzzz
#soooo tired.. today was a lot of fun (outdoor boulderiny yayy) but also a LOT I was out literally 9-5. full work day#did some cool stuff tho.... harder stuff than i thought i was capable of n got the beta on a couple challenges that no one else did#actually got one that the instructor hadnt managed to do before which made me feel B-)#i just love problem solving routes like ik my technical knowledge is sometimes lacking but i have a good innate sense for it#i couldnt explain how i figure out how to do smth but the creativity of it is mmmmmm. i rly miss being artistically creative like i havent#really done much for a while but i guess climbing is currently a bit of an outlet for that for me like its a similar kind of stimulation#and i like coming up w beta n then watching someone else use the same. nothing better than a team send#might look into some low level instructor quals next year. or taking courses bc id love to know more technical shit#or at least be able to name technique i instinctively use so i can describe things better#anyway think my roommate might be annoyed at me but idk its probably nothing to do with me. been finding it so hard to read her lately#but might just be projecting. ive felt lonely lately so maybe im imagining distance between myself + others that others dont rly perceive#bc ik i have a habit of that sometimes. i dont knooow. but thats ok. we're all just trying to get by#and maybe ill have my needs met someday and be able to express myself and ill stop feeling so alone in tha world....#anywayyyy gotta shower and then ill watch smth...... feels so much later than it is im so sleepyyy#.diaries
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