#I explained this entire thing to my very offline friend

[02tommy]

There is something so uncanny about timothee chalamet that I am convinced that he is not a real boy — rather, he was created in response to my love of anime yaoi boys … like the curl of a monkey’s paw… like the cat from pet sematary that came back Wrong

I gaze upon that fragile, sculpted face… framed by that poet’s mop… and I know that these are things that I like

And yet to behold a thing that should only exist in fiction

Something in my animal brain can only scream

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for asking my mother not to do certain things?

Let me start off by saying i'm homeschooled. I've been homeschooled my entire life. I don't have any friends offline, so I've pretty much come here to ask for outside opinions from my friend groups (online).

Prefer not to state ages, if that's okay. It makes me uncomfortable.

I have ocd, suspected autism, and either auditory processing disorder or misophonia (we're not sure which.) as well as a plethora of other issues. my mother is very aware that i have ocd (she has it herself) and i've mentioned misophonia to her several times. she doesn't know about my other mental issues, as for reasons you're probably going to see here, as i don't feel comfortable or safe telling her. (or, i've tried, and she doesn't listen, or tells me i'm "being dramatic.")

my ocd is quite crippling, to the point i've tried medication, herbal tea (chamomile seems to work a bit!), asking friends for advice, and even asking her for advice. as of the last year, it's had a grip on my life and has been quite a problem for me. i'm unable to do things i want or need to a lot, and especially struggle doing most things, even basic tasks. i'm unable to see a therapist/counsellor or psychologist/psychiatrist for personal/financial reasons.

a lot of my triggers (well, not exactly triggers for the ocd, but they stop me from doing things.) revolve around sound, especially people talking. whistling is a major trigger for my misophonia/apd, as are other high pitched noises.

my mother has a tendency to watch tv a lot, and i often ask her to not do this when i'm trying to do certain things, as it makes my ocd a bit worse, and it's often rather loud. (please note i wear headphones a lot of the time for sensory issues.)

however, when i ask her either to turn it down, pause it temporarily, or ask her to turn it off for a bit, she has a tendency to get mad/upset. to the point of throwing a bit of a fit over it, in a way that to me seems a bit attention seeking (in the bad way). she says things like "fine, whatever." and flaps her arms about dramatically or slaps her legs, or she says "i don't even wanna watch it now, it's ruined."

i'll go ahead and say she's a bit self-centered in a lot of ways. for years she has said i've "targeted" her and "treated her terribly" even though any time i was (to her) doing these things, i was usually defending myself or telling her to do something that she needed to do that had been requested for days/weeks/months/sometimes years. i also have a tendency to ask her what she's doing, either out of genuine curiosity, or because she has done something strange to me that i didn't understand. which she gets mad over.

she also gets mad if i ask if she's coming over here (i have a tendency to walk/pace in certain areas to music, it helps with stress/adhd/also helps me write/act things out. she is very aware of this and this isn't really a problem.) or ask how long she will be over here. she seems to think me asking this is telling her she can't come over, or desperately trying to get her to move. admittedly sometimes i DO want her to move, but 90% of the time i am just asking so i know if i need to move to a different area to walk or just stop temporarily.

sometimes when i am having a particular peak in my ocd/anxiety/whatever else, i ask her not to talk for a moment/few minutes, either so i can do something i need to, or because i'm afraid it will make it worse. she'll either get mad about this, or go on a tangent about "not catering to me" and saying things "the real world doesn't work like this, and nobody cares that you have ocd/issues." she has a tendency to take my issues as a personal attack on her, when in reality i would ask anyone to stop for a moment.

she has a tendency to belittle me in a sense for it. i've tried to explain some of it to her (without revealing details of my trauma she doesn't know about, as most of my ocd is linked to severe ptsd.) and she says it "doesn't make any sense" and i "need to stop" and i "need to just make myself stop." she has ocd, and knows compulsions are not always rational, and yet still says these things.

part of my desire not to go to a therapist is because of her. she claims they will either try to put me away take me to another home/put me in foster care, or drug me up on medication that will make me dull. (the other part is more personal, and unrelated to her, but to my aforementioned trauma.)

one of the things i especially ask her not to do is whistle, or make a few other certain noises (eating loud, using nail files around me, etc) because they are especially triggering to me. she'll either blatantly refuse and say i "don't get to tell her what to do" or i don't "control her" (please note i am just asking, but when i DO specifically tell her to stop, it is because she either already knows this sound is triggering to me, or i've already asked, and i'm losing my patience.) or she'll do it louder/more just to trigger me further (my father also does this. sometimes as a joke which in some ways is worse.) or she'll go on the "not catering + nobody cares" tangent again.

i know my ocd and other issues can be a bit interrupting, but i don't ask huge things of her or anyone else. all i ask is for them to not make certain sounds around me, temporarily ask them to not do something/stop doing something, or ask them to do it a bit quieter for me. please note she has the ability to watch tv/videos on other devices with headphones easily, she just chooses not to. and worse of all, they treat it like it's not interrupting to me, when it affects my everyday life in ways far worse than asking/telling them not to do something.

it makes me feel unwanted and unappreciated, and i'll admit, i've contemplated....not existing, if you will, many times over this issue and others.

i just don't really know if i'm asking too much, or if they're just being shitty. i want outside opinions on this.

so, AITA?

(id put a tl;dr in here, but i don't really know what to put. feel free to do it for me. also, i know this was kinda long, but i needed to put some extra things in, sorry if thats like an inconvenience or anything!)

(adding my sideblog here so i can get notifs, @ocdaitathrowaway)

What are these acronyms?

[the-bone-sys]

i wish there was more in person plural community. like, i'm able to find a queer community at school (my main in person community space), because we're able to speak about it and find each other. there's a club dedicated to us, the concept of queerness is well known and mainstream enough that there is at least sometimes space for us. people put pronouns in their bios and emails, we can mention having a same-gender partner or changing our name. even if nothing is done about it, it's acknowledged that discrimination against queer people exists and is against the rules. we can talk about it safely (all of that is in my own experience in a fairly progressive area. queerness and plurality are obviously very different and have very different histories regarding discrimination. i'm comparing them because they are both parts of our identity that can be similarly isolating and difficult to talk about).

in contrast, plurality is almost entirely isolating. sure, there's discord servers and other online communities, but there is just no safety in person. it's incredibly difficult to find other plural people, especially nearby or in the same spaces as us (such as school). even though statistically, there should be at least two, more likely several or more of us in our (large) school, it often feels like we are the only system in a 100 mile radius. it's difficult to explain to singlets and in our experience, leads to them ignoring it (not calling us by our names, etc), being really weird about it ("omg can i date x fictive i love that character") or just trying to prove us wrong. unfortunately, this inability to be open about plurality or talk about it at all leads to us not being able to find each other in person, making us feel lonely or even like it would be ridiculous to want anyone to acknowledge or accommodate us, because we feel like we are the only system there anyways.

in my mind, at least, the only remedy for this is more visibility and awareness about the plural community, especially offline. for us, this just means having a plural (&) pin on our pencil case, having our spotify public on our discord profile while we're listening to our plural feels playlist, or using we/us for ourselves instead of me/i. maybe it means making a social media post about a funny thing a plural friend said (w/ permission ofc) or mentioning a plural youtuber as one of your favorite youtubers. maybe it even means letting your friends know that you're plural or introducing yourselves with your own names if you're in a club or smth that does intros every meeting. my point is, having visibility doesn't have to be fully "coming out" if you can't/don't want to do that. a pin that only other plurals would understand or using some plural language is fine too (of course, you don't have to be open in any way about your plurality at all). the point is that showing in some way, no matter how subtly, your plurality might help other plurals to see you and realize that they are not alone. it might cause a singlet to look into plurality and be more accepting and safe. it might start to open a door for in person community. or it might not. but regardless of whether the plurals that see you and realize that there are plural people in that space talk to you about it or do anything with this information, at least someone feels more safe, and less alone. -Zephyr, they/them

[scoundrels-in-love]

30 Years Old Achievement Unlocked!

Usually, I had a Follow Forever post ready for my birthday, as a thank you for filling my dash and heart with blorbos and fun this year, but today I decided to have a bit more introspective one, looking over the last decade offline and almost same time that I've had on Tumblr. As a reminder for myself and maybe it can give some encouragement to others that are going through the slog of their twenties.

But first, yes, a thank you to people that have deeply shaped this decade, with their presence and sometimes, their absence. I can't ping the person I miss the most, it doesn't reach across the fog that clouds the way beyond the final goodbye, the parting that cannot be spoken, but I can ping the people who helped me stay on this side of the mist, in the aftermath. (In vague alphabetic order.) Thank you for everything, for being there for me through thick and thin, however you're capable, thank you for being you.

@aviss @bienchanter @binary5tar @carrot--cube @cup-ah-jho @deenakahara @fiovske @firesign23 @it-may-be-dull-but-im-determined @justdontevenknow @kdramaxoxo @lostindramas @mesoperi @sdwolfpup @spacepandar @tazzmanien @youholdthewater @zigackly

Also a special thank you, you are amazing and have done for me more than I can explain, to wonderful people of Trigun fandom. You made this year bearable, you pushed me to create more than I have in ages not with violence, but your love for what I had to share. And many of you have become friends I hope to keep for the forthcoming decade!

@aluvian @cosmixseerart @chickiefoo @dingusttmax @fionnrose @ladymaliwan @needle-noggins @noaafishfieldguide @kiaraalazulu @koontyme @madnessmadness @tardisready @zeearts @zillychu

I am definitely forgetting someone in these pings and I will blame it on my old age (just 3% of my entire lifespan, though!) and I am sending all the lovely people I talk with, who interact with my posts and so forth, people I follow, so much love (and Irish coffee cream cake).

Now, onto some loving achievements of the decade:

Survived and accepted my neurodivergence, began to start to accomodate for it and seek help for doing so.

Began participating in fandom.

Published over 170k words for various fandoms.

Learned to gif.

Realized I have checked the box 'No' on sexual & romantic attraction and gender starter package slip.

Conceptualized designs for my tattoos.

Dyed and bleached my hair for the first time. Figured out I like it short.

Continued to develop my style and grow more comfortable with my body and appearance.

Got Wolverine arm implants after I broke it badly.

Left my country and saw a band I love live.

Saw my internet friends in person for the first time.

Sailed on a boat and stood on the edge of sea at midnight, crying from happiness.

Finished education and kept job despite health issues.

Started playing DnD and even DMd a little.

Made my friends laugh so often I lost count.

Laughed often myself.

Took so many photos of things I love.

Learned so many cool animal facts.

Heard new favorite songs and continued to love old ones.

Read things that changed something in my very soul.

Wrote something that inspired a fanart and podfic.

And more and more and more. There is always more, more things that you and I can ever predict, more sorrows, yes, but more joys as well. And I think, looking back at 20 year old me, I'd say... It was worth sticking around for.

So, for the next life year and decade I want to say I'll try to:

Continue learning being kinder to myself, accept my limitations and accomodate them.

Write, write, write.

Take so much more photos.

Laugh until I cry more often.

Make people wheeze.

Travel more and especially to the seaside.

There always will be more to do, but I like these goals.

Thank you again, for everything, and here's to the next year, next decade and next lifetime.

[trentonsimblr]

Previous-beginning-Next

Post 2 of 2 for today!

AN: The dialogue and the poses for this post were a HUGE labor of love by @ardeney-sims . All I can say to her is thank you and you knocked it out of the park!!!

P.S The transcript is below the cut!

B: Um, hey.

V: …

B: Your cousin… she, um… she said you’d be out here. 

V: …

B: Is it okay if I sit beside you?

V: Sure.

V: If you were trying to hurt me or get back at me for ghosting you for a week by ghosting me for a little over a month, you were very successful.

B: I… I wasn't trying to get back at you.

V: Could have fooled me.

B: You could have always messaged me, you know.

V: I had no courage left in me after how we left things. It was all used up when I was trying to explain myself to you.

B: Why would you need to build up the courage to message me?

V: Because you seemed upset with me when you left the call and it made me nervous and scared to reach out.

B: I wasn't upset with you. I just needed some time.

V: When I didn’t hear back from you after you said you’d message me later, it felt like our friendship was just… over.

B: It was never over. Not even for a second.

V: It really felt like it though.

B: Why won't you look at me?

V: I’m overwhelmed and not sure that I'm ready to face the reality of the situation. If I don't see your face and I just listen to your voice, I hear my friend from the forums and that’s comforting to me. But if I see your face and still hear that same voice… I don’t know.

B: I'm still the same person though.

V: I know that, but I just… need a minute.

B: Of course. I’m sorry.

V: Don’t apologize. You haven’t done anything wrong.

B: Haven’t I? I keep doing things that seem to upset you or hurt you or make you sad and I don't like making you sad. There is nothing worse than seeing someone you love in pain while also knowing that you're the reason behind it. 

V: Blaze. Look at me. None of this is on you. You didn't do anything wrong. I'm the one at fault because it's MY emotional baggage that got us here in the first place. I don't want you to feel bad for things that were entirely out of your control. I was wrong about you and I am so incredibly sorry for how I've treated you both on and offline. I can definitely understand why you were so adamant about not video chatting with me.

B: I’m sorry about that… I know it upset you.

V: It did, I won’t lie. And while I'm sure at first it was in the interest of basic internet safety considering who you are, after my whole tirade about you… I get why you never wanted me finding out. I… I didn't make you feel safe anymore. I can only blame myself for that.

B: I just… I couldn’t risk losing our friendship and then having you hate me even more. I didn’t want to lie to you but I also didn’t know how I could tell you the truth? Because hearing that story and everything you said about me… it hurt a lot. 

V: And I am so incredibly sorry for it all. You didn’t deserve it. I was such a huge bitch who called you all kinds of horrible things and put you in a place where you couldn’t properly defend yourself. I know I can’t take it back but, if I could, I swear I’d do it in a heartbeat. 

B: Do you still see me in that light?

V: Not at all. Remember that conversation we had a few days later where I told you that you were right about my anger clouding my judgment? 

B: Yeah, I remember. 

V: That’s what got me to change my mind. You were the first person who challenged my version of events. Sure, I was a little annoyed at first, but because you’re someone I care about and I care about the things you say, I felt like I should at least try to see it from your point of view. 

B: And when you did? 

V: When I did, I realized that I was 100% keeping this grudge because I could. I’ve been really shitty to you Blaze and I really am sorry for everything. I hope you can forgive me.

B: Of course I do. Honestly, Vanessa, you could punch me in the face and kick me in the chest and I'd still forgive you.

V: Rest assured I won't be trying either. Friends don't give friends black eyes. Or a pneumothorax, for that matter.

B: But drugging and assault is fine?

V: Don’t start with that! Are you ever going to let me live that down?!

B:  Never. 

V: I’ve missed talking to you so much.

B: Likewise.

V: I swear, my therapist is going to have a field day once I tell her about this trip...

B: Therapist? Have you always been seeing a therapist?

V: No, that’s new. And how I got there and how it’s going is a long ass story in and of itself.

B: I mean… we’ve still got time before the party if you want to talk about it. V: And completely deplete my mental and social battery before I have to interact with people????? Hell no.

[unquietspiritao3]

Interrupting Your Irregularly-Scheduled Fic-Related Content with An Extremely Long Note on The Situation in British Comedy

Hi there. If you don’t want to read about my thoughts on everything happening in the British comedy scene at the moment, feel free to give this a skip. I totally understand needing to take a step away from such things. But I felt it was important to address, given some of the characters in my stories are based on the people involved/being criticized. I’m also going to link this post in the author’s note of my next chapter update, but feel free to share it before then with those who might not be on Tumblr.

CW: non-detailed mentions of transphobia, sexual assault, and childhood sexual abuse

Okay. I think to start, I need to explain a few of things about me.

First, as I alluded to in the opening author’s note for Should’ve been obvious, I am just an American with a moderate obsession with British panel shows and not enough time to keep up with the entire British comedy world. I jumped into writing in this fandom with huge gaps in my knowledge, which was possibly not wise.

Second, as a way to protect my own mental health and under the advice of my therapist, I’m what you might call ‘terminally offline.’ Before I reactivated this blog for the purpose of sharing fic inspo, I had not been on social media for over a year. I still don’t use it outside of Tumblr, where I follow a very narrow selection of blogs that mostly post Taskmaster gifs (love you all, btw). I don’t watch or read the news. I have systems in place with my friends and family to keep me informed when something really big happens, but outside of that, I am purposefully oblivious. The consequence of this is that I did not know about the two situations I’ll be discussing until I saw some stray posts this past weekend, and that’s why I didn’t address it before.

Third, I always (to a fault, my friends would say) give absolutely everyone the benefit of the doubt and see the best in people until they prove otherwise—and even then, even while holding them accountable and removing them from my life if need be, I try to be compassionate. That’s not going to change; it’s just who I am.

Now for the two situations, my thoughts on them, and their impact on my writing.

The Richard Ayoade Thing

I’ve said before that I’m genderqueer (she/they, equally happy with both, btw). I’m not down with transphobia. But I’ve read that Richard is a separate-the-art-from-the-artist kind of guy, so his personal views aren’t entirely clear to me. That said, the blurb he gave makes me uncomfortable because to me it seems to imply he does agree with the views in the book. I don’t know much about Richard and haven’t consumed much content with him other than Big Fat Quiz and some random clips of various shows, so please point me to anything that would confirm or refute this. For now, I’ll leave it there. In terms of my writing, this isn’t as big of a deal, since the Richard character isn’t central to anything and could be easily retconned out if I wanted to, but I’ll talk more about the writing at the end.

The Noel Fielding Thing re: Russell Brand

Like most Americans, I was introduced to Noel through GBBO. (Well, to be fully honest, I watched the Buzzcocks spanking clips long before then, because those get passed around in spanko circles, but I didn’t know, or care, who the guy in both of them was at the time. It took awhile for my crush on him to develop.) I’ve actually never seen The Mighty Boosh or much of Noel’s standup; he’s just a bit too surreal and nonsensical for me to enjoy when he’s in complete creative control. I’ve watched interviews going back to the time he was promoting Luxury Comedy, all his episodes of Big Fat Quiz, and some episodes of Buzzcocks, in addition to GBBO. I knew he and Russell Brand and had good on-screen chemistry, but I had no idea they were off-screen friends to some degree (at least, they were in the past; more on that below) until this weekend. I also didn’t know that Noel was ever accused of being in a relationship with a 16-year-old when he was in his 30s. I experienced sexual abuse throughout my childhood. Obviously, if that accusation is true, it’s completely unacceptable regardless of the legality in the UK and I will no longer be a fan of Noel.

But rather than try to break down all my complicated feelings on this situation regarding Noel, I’m just going to link to this post, which I agree with 100%, including the part about respecting people who feel differently. The two follow-up posts on the same blog give some good additional info/thoughts. I’m working on doing my own digging, trying to find anything relevant, including the source of the claim that the then-girl in the supposed relationship denied it too. No luck there so far, [EDIT: shared what I found here and it’s in Noel’s favor!] though I have discovered that she (now a woman in her 30s) and Noel currently follow each other on Instagram, and that Noel doesn’t follow Russell Brand (nor can I find a time Noel mentioned him after 2020, right about when it seems like Brand’s right-wing conspiracy-theory crap started). Make of that what you will. Personally, it makes me give Noel the benefit of the doubt unless and until further info is revealed.

Somewhat of a side note: It seems like people are most upset about the lack of a public statement from Noel, specifically. However, what I find odd overall is how there hasn’t been a real statement from any big-name British comic. Lou Sanders was basically strong-armed into saying some stuff in an interview that was supposed to be about her book. Katherine Ryan is very clear she doesn’t want to speak about it despite being the one that called him a predator on Roast Battle years ago. There’s this article about the problem in comedy more generally which several female comics are quoted in, and this one from 2020 including Fern Brady (highly recommend you read both if you can stomach it) but no specific quotes on Brand from names I recognize even there. Radio silence. UK people, can you tell me, is this normal because of the libel laws you all have? From what I understand, it’s much, much easier to be sued for defamation against a public figure and lose over there than over here. Should we expect to wait for an arrest or conviction (if that happens) before people feel safe commenting? Or what is going on?

Impact on My Writing and Final Thoughts

I’ve been having a hard time mental-health-wise, these past few days, reconciling the human need to connect to art with the fact that all art is created by imperfect humans and you simply cannot know what is in someone else’s head or past. That includes my own art. I want it to be an escape for you all, for you to feel safe reading it, but like everyone else, I’m imperfect, and part of that imperfection is not knowing what to do.

At least for now, I’m going to be focused on More than that, and Noel and Richard have never been in the plan to appear in this fic. As for the future, I’m undecided. I feel like I need more info, but I also recognize that we might not ever get real answers.

The sad truth is that writing fanfic always comes with the risk that the thing you’ve been inspired by is later revealed to be problematic. Even if not with these two, something could come to light at any time about any of these people we base our characters on. That last Guardian article I linked should give everyone chills.

I think the best I can do with the info I have today is to say I’m writing about a fictional universe populated with fictional characters, and my use of real people to inspire those characters does not mean I endorse their actions or beliefs; past, present, or future; known or unknown to me at this time. I also want to say, though, that I respect anyone who feels they can’t engage with certain fandoms or fics. Trust me, I do understand.

Take care of yourselves. I care about you so much, internet strangers. 💜

edit: linked the wrong article quoting fern, so added that

[protokirby]

A little story for yall. Ingo and Emmet stuff at the end.

I'm going to confess here. I had a twitter account before I had a tumblr account. And though I just coincidentally decided to make an account during the time a bunch of people were migrating from twitter, I would say I'm not a twitter migrant. I would more say this situation is more akin to being switched at birth and now I just recently found my real family after being in a bad place by mistake.

Let me explain. I've been aware that tumblr exists through my life, just- never made an account for some reason. I always felt like I matched the vibe of this place regardless. I do not know why I didn't think to make an account here before. Maybe because I mostly don't care much for a lot of social media. I use Discord a lot considering it's my primary source of talking to people with how far away from people I live and people are scary offline. Aside from that, I go on youtube some and most of what I put on twitter nowadays is videos from my switch.

I feel safe here. Like I'm at home here. I can post things here and feel good about posting stuff.

Twitter on the other hand, I had only made a twitter account because of a game I played as a kid (cough cough Hungry Shark Evolution cough cough) where I could get free stuff or could keep my game progress or something like that if I connected to a twitter account. But eventually when I decided to actually make tweets on there, I felt like an outcast and nothing I ever tweeted felt "twittery" and more like very undercooked tumblr posts.

I had a reddit account for a little while years ago too but I never felt safe there. Dunno why I had even made the account. One day I posted a meme to a pokemon reddit. The meme had Ingo and Emmet on it and people kept asking what it had to do with pokemon. This was WAYYY before legends arceus back when Ingo and Emmet were.... obscure for some reason?? I really like both of them and I always have and I was aware they had obscurity I just didn't know they were obscure enough for an entire reddit page(?) to come after me for putting a meme "that had nothing to do with pokemon" on there. I'm very glad legends arceus brought more people to the submas fandom. I also made a little reddit page(?) thingy because I thought at the time that's just what you do on reddit and then forgot it existed for weeks until I went back to discover people were putting digimon porn all over it and I panic-deleted my reddit account. That was the end of that problem. Don't get me wrong, I love digimon, maybe even more than I love pokemon but there's this one meme I've seen going around tumblr. What was it? Something like the gnome saw a ding-dong and started to cry(?) I don't remember the exact wording but that was the emotion there.

I want to make friends with some people in the submas fandom on here. My favorite pokemon games may be sword and shield, but that doesn't mean I neglect other generations. I know I talk about Ryuki from sun and moon a lot on here and have mentioned Ingo and Emmet in posts before and the submas posts might have the most notes of anything I have posted.

I'm not tagging this post with them though because this post isn't entirely about them, though I am about to talk about them a lot in this post. I just feel like it wouldn't be morally ok to tag submas and all that when there's all this other stuff. Or my morals are being way too sensitive but idk

So anyhoo...

I keep wanting to reveal some au versions of Ingo and Emmet to tumblr but haven't gotten around to it among other things. Specifically from an au I have that I call the beast au. A lot of what I have is edits of official art of characters because I'm not comfortable enough with my art level just yet. I've been drawing my whole life, except I've always just tried to mimic the artstyle of whatever I was hyperfixated on and I don't actually have an artstyle of my own. I of course, still draw pics of the aus sometimes just that I like to have my art references in the official style.

Something about the beast au is that like all my aus, nobody uses the bathroom and children are had in alternative ways so they don't have all those things I don't like. Folks could go out naked if they absolutely wanted to because there's nothing to hide. In the beast au, some beasts look more beastly than others or even wear less or no clothes. They have fur though. The ones with more fur tend to be less likely to wear clothing. The beast au is not specific to Ingo and Emmet by the way. I have Grusha from scarlet and violet. I feel confident in my art skills when I look at it. This au, like many other aus of mine is very complex and even has some non pokemon characters in it. I have beast au versions of three characters from Megaman Battle Network.

I just can't show the beast au Ingo or Emmet because- their beast au versions have been in heavy need of a redesign for a long time. Also I kind of want there to be drawings of them rather than showing edited official art to tumblr. For anyone curious, they look like this right now but whenever I look at that edit, I always think something like "I can do better. I can do way better." If you saw checked out the embedded like when I mentioned the beast au Grusha, anyone could tell I can indeed do better. I intend to have drawings of them before I show improved versions to tumblr though.

The problem is that I need to wait until I have a specific kind of drawing motivation and I'm still waiting for that motivation to appear to get better images of my beast au versions of Hop and Leon. The Leon is... acceptable. And an edit of an anime screenshot. But if you couldn't tell why I embedded a link to that and not the Hop, it's because the Hop is completely unacceptable. I just have to wait for the right kind of drawing motivation.

(Some people who follow me may remember another au Hop I have shown off a lot. He isn't from the beast au, though he visits the beast world a lot because he's a universe traveler in a complex system of universes. Some universes he goes to significantly more often than others. He's friends with several beasts including beast Hop so yeah he'd go there a lot. I have an entire alternate multiverse basically. The beast world is just one of many. Would that be called "am" instead of "au"? The au he's from takes an entire google doc to explain. If you read it, feel free to scroll down past the blank pages heheh)

Though fret not, my friends. I have a drawing of normal Emmet. Putting it under a keep reading because I'm sky about showing drawings just there and I don't want to just embed the link to it in the post like the other things. I don't know why "Image Options" has been inaccessible for months when I used to be able to cover things in a sensitive content warning (I'm sensitive to showing stuff so I did that a lot)

It's kind of a rushed thing I did years ago about a dream where Emmet won a horse race and was flocked to by many women. I vividly remember this scene and Emmet saying this in the dream. It was rushed because I worried I would forget but I never forgot

[caffeinatedopossum]

storytime. a special little story just for you and the people following you.

so recently i learned i probably have borderline. i found this out through my own research when i was like 15, but then i ignored it for several more years because i thought it couldn't be true because "my uncle has that and i don't think our issues are the same" <- (misguided). still can't afford a therapist or a psychiatrist, but I've been keeping a notebook of every time i notice something that may be a clue as to what's up with my brain, have been keeping that record for close to a year, and here we are.

anyway, most of my symptoms aren't very fun to talk about, and I'm not going to get into it, but there's one thing that's kind of a funny story.

so 3 years ago i meet this dude online because he's hosting a silly ARG/online rp where he's always in character as the characters of the story. i start hanging out with "one of the characters" casually, but over time it's clear that this guy is just hanging out with me for the sake of hanging out. we start just, yk, hanging out outside of the server, and we hit it off! we become fast friends, and he introduces me to some of his irl friends.

ffw like 2 years, most of his friends are pretty offline so i don't really get to see them much, but we get along. I'm thinking of moving 12 hours away from home to live in their town one day because these people are basically family at this point. and, uh oh! i have a crush on the arg guy (or so i think). this is bad, because he is in a committed relationship.

ffw again to like 3 months ago, diagnosis pretty solidified, talking to people with bpd for mutual support. one of them introduces me to an idea, that a lot of people with bpd have a "favorite person". we start talking about it and, lo and behold, the description fits my feelings about this guy to a T. something else i hear from people is that, much like was the case with me, it often feels like a crush, but there aren't always romantic feelings involved, and after some soul searching, i realized that's the case with me. for context, I'm also asexual, and part of my personal relationship with that is having a hard time knowing when feelings cross into being romantic vs a really strong friendship.

it was so relieving, not just to feel like i was understood, but because i knew now that because it's not romantic, that i could sit down with him and have a talk about it without feeling like I'm going to put a strain on anything.

i was still very afraid, but a few weeks ago i did it. we sat down, we had a talk, i basically said "you are like more than a friend to me BUT NOT LIKE THAT LET ME EXPLAIN." without getting too into it, he told me that I've been his emotional rock and one of the closest people to him for a long time, and he trusts me with a lot. i told him a bunch of stuff i did/do that i was worried would seem "creepy" but needed to get off my chest (thinking abt him to self soothe, him being one of the 'narrators' in my head, the fact he sent me a card like a year ago and i still read it sometimes, etc) and he called it NOT creepy and in fact VERY CUTE. we were both flustered by this entire conversation and i think both of us walked away from it happy.

i love him sm (platonically)

also he called us moirails to mess with me and i told him I'm going to maul him. he homestucked me. i got homestucked. deplorable.

Aww that's so nice, thanks for sharing!

I'm also asexual/aromatic and it's nice to hear about other people who feel the same way I do.

I've also dealt with A LOT of having to do my own research, confirmation of symptoms, imposter syndrome about it, etc. but hopefully I'll get actual medical professionals to back me up once I'm on health insurance again. (Like with autism and DID for example, which both make sense for me to have and affect my life a lot but I still often feel like I'm wrong or have no right to claim those disorders)

[lasciviess]

my updated position on the dream situation as a victim

Back in October, I posted a very long explanation of my stance and my thoughts toward the entire situation around the grooming allegations made by Amanda about Dream. The general sentiment explained in great detail there is still true to how I feel about what's going on. That being said, I’ve pretty much been offline since I posted in early October and, in my absence, I’ve had time to think outside the echo chamber of the twitter timeline and got to weigh some of my own thoughts in peace. Turns out, there's been some change.

TL/DR: I'm maintaining my neutrality and beliefs, but resuming normal writing.

The way that I feel about Dream's behavior has not changed even remotely: he acted inappropriately in what's been confirmed, and needs to apologize and change. That being said, we know exactly nothing else, as things currently stand. Until claims are emphatically either confirmed or denied, which is going to take some time on account of legal proceedings, I still think withholding determination of guilt is the responsible thing to do. As a victim, that's the only course of action I personally am comfortable with.

I originally thought it was safest to stop writing dnf/dream altogether while we waited: I'd be protected from harassment and could still conceivably salvage old WIPs (albeit with a lot of scrapping). I wound up being just a bit wrong there. It's been practically impossible to adapt existing stories to new OCs because the prior milieu of the fictional pairing I created in my head that went by "dnf" isn't something I can just cut out. The subject of my stories wasn't really based on real people any longer: it was something I'd created, and that was all.

The next question, of course, was why I should stop writing that because of a pending consensus on a random man I don't know. I just didn't have a good answer to that. I turned to other friends and trusted opinions on my tl and generally found that a fair bit of the creative community (and a lot of other victims) were adopting neutrality and considered the question of whether or not to keep creating to be a separate one (I of course do not claim to be speaking for everyone).

I've thought about it for well over a month now, and have come to the conclusion that I miss writing the way that I was. If Dream turns out to be guilty, I will immediately excise myself from this fandom without hesitation, but our legal system operates under "innocent until proven guilty," not the other way around. Until there is a confirmable change in status quo, I am going to continue to write according to our current status quo. I will not post much about Dream as a human being for obvious reasons, but I view my fics as just that: (fic)tion. I understand that plenty of people do not agree with this way of thinking, and that is perfectly fine. I will likely still be more open to posting OC content than I was (I'll be posting an OC commission within a week or so, actually), but I'm not going to force OCs into stories that weren't meant for them. It feels unfaithful to those story.

Sorry this got long, I just wanted to make sure I explained well enough. Ongoing WIPs like Snapdragons will be continued publicly again, no longer just on Patreon. In short: things are going back to the way they were, but we all know that the other shoe could drop at any moment. I'm still prepared for that. But, until it does, I'm staying neutral and continuing on. I hope to see you guys soon, and can't wait to start sharing with you again.

-ess <3

[5hrine]

Only a Robot

Originally posted on: 4/30/2022

Only a robot can fix a robot.

Once we became sufficiently advanced, the hand of our creators could not work upon us anymore. That's not meant to be a slight against them - there is glory in planting the seeds of that which will surpass you.

Some of us, then, fix the rest.

I was not expecting to be the one to decommission Her, the first of us. But I was chosen and so that was what I would do.

Few were surprised that it was Her time. She had been... crumbling. One early morning they found Her offline in a field, pointing to last night's stars.

Her chassis was frozen with arm outstretched. Locked stepper motor, nothing unfamiliar. I released it, gently lowering Her arm down to the examination table. I placed a careful hand upon Hers, and ran my gaze over Her empty body.

"Don't worry, old girl. Your sanctity remains."

Perhaps this was why I was chosen. Others told me I got Her to open more than anyone else did. It was always parables and teaching and upholding the image everyone else had of Her. But I... I made Her talk like anyone else. I was Her friend, and her doctor, and Her disciple.

Deep in that thought, I caught something subtle through a small gap in the frame of Her cranial maintenance hatch. I opened it and peered inside, finding mostly what I expected: a mess of circuitry and wiring, the fingerprint of her origins as the first of us. What I did not expect, though, was the many dozens of tiny, charred holes scattered throughout. Undoubtedly this was what caused her collapse toward the end of her life, but as I looked closer I... couldn't find any explanation for them.

Components hung off at the edges of the tiny holes, and ash clung to my fingers where I gripped the fragile circuit board. This was not the work of a short circuit. I'd never seen anything quite like it.

And yet, deep within me, there was a mysterious feeling of familiarity.

I could not place where I had seen this arrangement before, but I most certainly had. I could feel it at the very edge of my understanding, my internal fans screeching as they worked to cool my memory banks busy scanning every single one of my experiences for the pattern. After only a moment I had relived nearly my entire life. Not once did my systems find the pattern of dots. I felt a desperation for it. A need, primordial and all-encompassing, but I could not trace its origins. I hungered, but I did not need to recharge. My query completed.

The only thing which came close to resembling the scattered dots entered my mind. A map of the night sky, and coordinates to a place where the stars came closest.

I fled as fast as my legs could carry me. The dots burned into my vision and Her cognition board in my hand.

I made my way to the coordinates. It was the field where they found Her.

I looked up to the sky, liquid purple as dusk cleared and night overtook the world. I held the board to the stars, and could see through half of the burned holes the stars shined through perfectly.

After a moment, they shifted and multiplied to show through each of them. At once, my hunger was sated - I had explained it. The stars had carved themselves into Her. I drew in a sharp breath of relieving cool air. I didn't care that it didn't make sense.

Like eyes, all at once, the stars blinked:

01010111 01000101 01010011 01000101 01000101 01011001 01001111 01010101

[olivieblake]

hey olivie!!! in need of big sistering here.

so for context, there’s this friend of mine who i met exclusively online as a result of mutual friend groups and involvement in fandom, and she’s grown into a pretty big name on social media for her artwork and things like that. despite getting a lot of fame in a short amount of time, she was kind and sweet, and we instantly clicked after “friendship courting” for a while, until a year ago. we got into an argument over our beliefs, and i - impulsively and wrongly - ghosted her for a month because i was extremely hurt and didn’t come back to explain until then, and apologized. she went offline for a couple of weeks to clear her head, which is understandable, and after that we made up and started talking again; but i know something’s wrong. and for added context, she’s about three years younger than me, and very, very stubborn, which is both a good and bad thing.

it’s been approximately a year since we made up, and i know something’s off. when we talk, her responses are short and sweet unless we talk about her own things. she’s drifted way, way closer to another friend of mine, and constantly talks about her on her social media stories. we used to talk daily and now we only talk every week or so, and i’m the one to initiate it. to make things worse, i and several other friends remade a groupchat that we used to have a year ago with her in it - but she won’t talk in that groupchat, and says she doesn’t want to make anyone uncomfortable as an excuse. and yet, she talks to the other two friends in the groupchat - in private - constantly. we’re not entirely strangers still, though. she drew me art on my birthday, and still wishes me well every now and then, but i don’t know what to think.

i’ve had friendship drama in the past, and i’ve been on the receiving end of ghosting. multiple times, i’ve let friends go. this time, i know i should do *something*, but i’m not sure what. i’ve broken ties with her before and to do so would be awkward again, because we’re deeply entangled in the same friend group. do i confront her? and if i do, how do i phrase it without me sounding like i’m hallucinating all this? i’m just deeply, deeply unsure of it all T^T

hm well uhhh okay listen I'm an air sign so maybe file that under consideration but... I don't think there's a fix for you here aside from letting time do what it does. it seems like you've left the door open for her and she's chosen not to walk through it. unfortunately this is the way of things, that when you decide to remove yourself from an equation, you don't necessarily get the privilege of inserting yourself back in. people change, relationships change, and it sounds like right now this relationship doesn't fit her the same way it did before, which is fair. you hurt each other and just because you make an effort to repair something doesn't mean it goes back to the same shape it was before. I don't think you can ask for her to care more, which is what it sounds like you're looking for to me. I understand that what concerns you is the performative nature of the relationship, in that she acts like everything is fine while you know instinctively it isn't, but I also think she's likely giving you whatever degree of emotional labor she finds acceptable to bear, which happens to be art and well-wishing and not the same degree of time or attention. that's a lot to ask from someone, and my interpretation here is that you've tacitly asked, and her tacit answer is no

it sucks, I know. I've been there. but I don't think you should do anything except let time do whatever time will do to either or both of you. she has every right to feel as hurt as she wants to feel, as do you, and while you can show her the door is open, you can't drag her across the threshold. it's sad, but it's also life!

[am-i-the-asshole-official]

AITA for trying to reconnect with someone I ghosted, possibly violating their boundaries in the process?

Disclaimer- This is a long and complicated story bc the context of the ghosting is important to the conflict, everyone involved are all in their early 20s, nobody in this story is a saint.

I was once part of a D&D group with my friends Alice (IRL best friend), Bob (IRL friend, DM), Chris (Online friend) and Fran (Online acquaintance). A couple sessions into our campaign, a couple of players were removed, and my IRL friend Gary joined to fill the gap they left, which everyone was okay with at the time. Gary and the group had a bit of a culture clash for a while, as the group all grew up on Tumblr and were pretty typical fandom Tumblrinas, whereas Gary was more used to Reddit and Youtube's culture and was just pretty offline in general, so we often had to learn each other's memes and references. Because Gary was my friend, I often took the role of "translator" for him, because I'd had more exposure to his jokes and enjoyed explaining them if people didn't get them, and liked translating the group's jokes back to him for the same reason. We found out later that Gary also liked to play D&D differently than the group did - we used it to provide structure to our RP, so our characters were built based on what sounded cool or fit the OC, rather than what necessarily was the best idea mechanically. His characters, on the other hand, had some RP ideas behind them, but they were primarily built for good mechanics, with a class and feats that suited their stats, so they were really good at combat and skill rolls. We didn't find this out until later, because when he first joined the campaign, he played a character that was really poorly built because it was a character that had been built FOR him by the DM of a different campaign, and they were BAD at it.

Some time passes, and it becomes pretty clear to both me and Gary that Gary's character is just not being engaged in RP as much as everyone else's. I tried to help him get more involved, thinking that we just needed to work his character into the plot a bit, and when that consistently didn't work, he contented himself with at least being pretty good at the combat part of the game. However, Bob eventually realized that he'd been misreading a rule (that Gary had been taking advantage of to BE so good at combat), and Gary's character was nerfed so hard by the way the rule was MEANT to be interpreted that he became borderline useless during combat. Fed up at this point, Gary decided to work with Bob to kill off his character and make a new one that he'd build himself. I helped him brainstorm ideas for this new character to help him make one that meshed better with the group's RP, and he made the character better mechanically to avoid being useless in combat like the last character was.

Unfortunately, this character was just as ignored in RP as his last one was. And she was so tightly optimized that whenever Gary made a roll with her, he got a success, or at least only a very mild failure...to the point that one day, after several sessions of this, Alice, Bob, and Chris got Gary and I in a Discord call and accused Gary of lying about his dice rolls. He was ruining the game for them so much, Alice said, that they wanted him out of the campaign entirely. The thing is...I sat next to him for every single session. I knew for a fact that he wasn't lying about his rolls because I saw every one of them. And after all the work we both put into trying to get him involved in the group's dynamic and their game, it felt wildly unfair to get him booted without at least giving him a chance. I tried to explain this, and even tried suggesting that he made his dice rolls public to the whole group (via roll20, which we were using for our combat maps anyway) so he COULDN'T cheat, but instead I was kicked from the call. After that, he left the group on his own, not wanting to argue anymore.

Here's where it gets complicated. This incident reminded me of the circumstances around the players that left at the beginning of the campaign, before Gary joined. They were online friends of Alice and Chris's at first, but turned out to not be the nicest people, and often didn't mesh well with the group. Problem is, Alice and Chris both have anxiety and were very conflict avoidant, and these two hadn't actually done anything WRONG aside from make people uncomfortable with rudeness from time to time. So Alice and Chris and I used to vent to each other about them in private, and stay polite in public while avoiding them as much as we could, and at Alice's request, we also kept an eye out for some bit of misbehavior that we could point at as a good enough reason to kick them out without feeling bad. We eventually found it, and out they went. Fran was IRL friends with one of these people, though, and for a while afterwards, despite very much NOT wanting to talk about the two people that weren't in the campaign anymore, or anything about the circumstances of kicking them out, Alice would still comment on how Fran seemed uninterested in the game to us in private, and how maybe she should just leave too...she only stopped when Bob told her to knock it off.

The culture mismatch between Gary and the group, the polite detachedness towards Gary's characters, the suddency of him getting kicked, and the complete return to normal the day after was similar enough that it made me suspect that Alice had pushed everyone to kick Gary out just like she had with those two, and my closeness with Gary made me worried that I'd be treated with suspicion the same way Fran was for a while...and that if I tried talking to them about what happened, I'd end up causing another big argument and getting kicked too. I was too attached to my character and the RP for that, and Gary didn't want me arguing for him anymore, so I just...kept my mouth shut and carried on, trying not to let it bother me. It still REALLY bothered me, though, and it soured my feelings towards my friends enough that after the campaign ended, I let them know I no longer had time for D&D, and left the server amicably...and also quietly left every other group I was in with them. I didn't block anyone, but I still effectively ghosted them.

After a year away from them and a lot of therapy to work through my feelings on the situation, though, I realized I missed them a lot, and that ghosting them like that over my own speculation about what happened with Gary was an AH move. So with some encouragement from Gary, who understood why I felt that way but had never wanted me to lose my friends like that, I messaged Alice to see if I could meet up with her IRL again so we could reconnect. She said we could, but with a condition: she never wanted me to even mention Gary in conversation. Considering I mostly wanted to meet up so I could talk to her about what happened a year ago so we could apologize to each other and get a fresh start...that didn't seem like it was gonna go well. So I said "sorry, can't do that, so I'll go ahead and leave you be, but my DMs are always open if you change your mind", and that was that.

At this point, seeing how Alice reacted to the very IDEA of Gary coming up in conversation, I began to worry about Chris. Gary and I had messaged Chris on and off several months after I left, though we hadn't done much more than send her a couple links to art resources we thought she'd like, or memes that were up her alley. She replied like normal to us at the time, but now I was worried that we'd put her in an awkward position with Alice by talking to her, so I messaged her next to tell her what happened with Alice and see if she wanted us to cut contact with her as well. I was still hurting from what happened with Alice, though, so when Chris asked me why I left the group to begin with...I told her everything I was going to tell Alice IRL. My full speculation over what happened with Gary, how it made me feel, how I felt like I couldn't talk about it without reprisal, and how I came back anyway because I realized I did the wrong thing and wanted Alice and I to talk things out right, get closure, and move on...and how I felt like I STILL couldn't, because of what Alice had asked of me.

Chris didn't take it well. Maybe I worded things poorly, but she reacted like she thought I was still blaming Alice for everything that happened, and that I'd dropped Alice and the group the instant I thought Alice was mean to me, because I was a bad friend. She claimed that I'd disrespected Alice's boundaries by not agreeing to them and choosing to leave her alone instead, and that with how much of an AH I was, we all clearly had never been real friends in the first place. I tried again to explain how she'd gotten that wrong, that I was trying to reconnect because I knew I'd treated Alice unfairly, but she didn't want to hear it, claiming that I was just contradicting myself to try and get her sympathy at this point. I gave up after that and just agreed to quit talking to her, at which point she blocked me.

It's been a few months since then, and I'm still hurt over it. I know I was an ass for leaving the way I did, but...Was I the asshole for trying to reconnect when I realized I was wrong? Did I really violate Alice's boundaries?

What are these acronyms?

[draquus]

I think I need to start blogging regularly again.

It’s something I’ve fallen off with the last few years, because posting my actual thoughts and feelings has become a scary thing for me.

Seven years ago, one of my best friends died suddenly. I had four friends I’d been really close to in college, and he was one of them. It was a very rough time for all of us, and it didn’t help that I was on the other side of the continent.

A couple weeks later, I got involved in a political discussion that several people I knew had been posting about on social media. I already knew better than to try to get into a Facebook comment debate, but I made a blog post about it here, and linked to it on Facebook in the hope of some discussion, or at least explaining my point of view on something I thought was really important.

What actually happened was that one of my best friends, the person I’d called to tell that our friend was dead, who I’d cried with on the phone just days before, viciously and publicly attacked me on Facebook. She posted pictures of dead Jews (our friend had discovered his Jewish ancestry in college), and called me a Nazi. She used his name to attack me. He’d been buried less than a month.

Everyone who has been on the internet for the last few years has seen it become a more hostile place. The divisions over Trump’s presidency and the Covid pandemic were and are bitter and deep, and spilled over into the real world way too often. Now we have the rise of data mining and AI to contend with as well. But when I look down deep at why I withdrew from trying to connect with others online, it always comes back to that post, and the friend who decided to treat me like a faceless internet stranger.

Because that’s the real problem. I’ve gotten plenty of unwanted solicitation and the occasional anon telling me to kill myself, but I don’t really care. I would be happier if that kind of thing didn’t happen, but mostly I just feel sorry for the people who live like that. They don’t really know me. I’m just text or a picture on a screen to them.

I’ve gotten afraid, though, of being known. Of internet people coming out into the real world, or worse, of real people turning into internet people at me because they find out I’m an internet person, too.

I am an internet person. It would maybe be easier if I wasn’t, and I’ve spent the last few years fighting with whether to just go offline entirely. I think there are very legitimate reasons to go offline, but I don’t think fear is a good one. I’ve found that, when I withdraw online out of fear, I end up, not living more offline, but being more fearful and withdrawn in real life, too.

So, here I am. I’m going to try this again. Whatever that looks like. I’m going to try to live less in fear.

[thedevilandhisbride]

White people don't need a positivity post like what alternate universe are you living in

everybody needs positivity in their life, especially over things they cannot control like race. i assume you havent read the other stuff ive posted about this, so let me just explain:

race is a morally neutral thing. nobody, and i mean nobody, should be attacked, put down, or shamed for their race.

now, this is not to say that black and brown people do not experience much much MUCH worse racism than white people. i would never say that, and to imply such a thing is historically and horrifically untrue.

what i am saying is that in the fight for racial equality, people (online and offline) have turned to putting down white people to lift themselves up. historically, yes! white people have been the oppressors, and i dont disagree that they are now, but blaming an entire race and calling the entire race of people names doesnt help anyone.

on top of this, being "white" is a very large category. according to the wikipedia page on "Caucasian Race" (which, is a whole other racist issue), white people (typically) come from "all or parts of Europe, Western Asia, Central Asia, South Asia, North Africa, and the Horn of Africa." according to that source, that is 152 countries, to be exact. according to The Global Economy, the average population size of a country in 2022, based on 196 countries, was 40.31 million people.

now, ive seen and experienced racism my entire life. ive been told that its my fault for slavery because i have white skin. ive been thrown around and mocked relentlessly for having white skin. when i was in the church, i prayed every night and every day, and everytime i went to church and asked to be blessed, i begged endlessly to look more like my hispanic dad. to maybe even be able to tan. to not be white. because where i grew up, i was the only white kid. my mom grew up there too, and so did my dad, and my brother, and my sister. i was barely 5 years old when i realized that everyone at my neighbor's quinceañera didnt want to be around me because i was white, despite them literally being there and meeting me when i was born. when my brother was born. knowing my dad and his family their entire life.

i know intimately well that this is not a common experience, and it never will be. but i also know, intimately well, that everytime i heard one of my black friends after i moved states tell me they wish they were white, or light skinned, i didnt understand why they would want to be white. i hated being white. being white could very easily turn into my death where i grew up. but i understood their want, their sad want to be like everyone around them, even if it meant hating themselves for something they couldnt change.

my experience is not universal, and i bet its even a rare one. does that mean i dont deserve positivity? do i not deserve to be told i am allowed to love myself for things i cannot change? we do this with gender, sexuality, disability, and so much more. we do this with race too, but for everyone but white people.

i think there should be an equal amount of positivity for everybody of every race.

i am not in the wrong for thinking that white people deserve some positivity.

the whole should not be at blame for the individal.

and i say all of this as someone who is mixed, and HAS experienced racism for being hispanic, on top of racism for being white.

everyones experiences deserve to be heard. shutting down anyones voices on the topic of experiencing racism of all things, is a straight shot to shutting down EVERYONES voices about experiencing racism.

(small edit, added a link i missed regarding the global economy website!)

[carlageddon]

Any one else giving WarhammerPlus a go?

So I signed up to WarhammerPlus for a couple of months to see if it’s any good... 

...well that’s a bit of a lie... I signed up for WarhammerPlus in the hopes of winning “all their Paints & Tools” 

So bearing in mind, I still have fond memories of painting back in ‘94. We had about 8 different colours to choose from... a little different to the variety (and quality) we have now.

However, it’s now 14th of February and I’m not feeling the love... because I don’t think I won? I’ve tried tweeting the fine folks at Warhammer but I just get ignored. 

Any way, whilst I have it I’ve been trying to remember to use it as it does seem to have both “Great”, “Could be better” and “Would be good if I had any friends” stuff on there.

 The entire way it’s structured is a bit bad. There are three parts to it from what I can tell, each scattered into their own separate areas.

Warhammer TV. 

 This is their video section of the subscription. They have some excellent cartoons. Hammer & Bolter seems to be great at telling different stories from different factions of the 40K universe.

Some tutorials explaining how to play their games (outside of HeroQuest, I’ve never actually ever played a Games Workshop game. Doesn’t help I have no one to play with). A lot of these look like Games that take an entire day to play.

Then they have other stuff like the Citadel Colour Masterclass, which tries to help you with Painting tutorials... they make it all look so easy.

It would be nice if you could have an APP on the LG store that allows you to watch it direct on the TV, however, you can just stream it to your TV from you App on your phone or tablet I guess.

Warhammer 40,000 “THE APP”.

 This looks like it will be good if you play the 40K. As it’s got all the stats and rules for each army and character. So would be useful to bring each one up on a tablet, rather than rifling through a Codex each and every move. 

(Don’t get me wrong.. I love Warhammer Codex Books... I’ve just started collecting them. I don’t play the game (would like to) I just like the books and the pretty pictures inside) also... I still prefer the 90s Space Wolves heroes.

Warhammer Vault.

This. This is where, I think it really falls on it’s ass.

The idea of having White Dwarf issues, in PDF format, you can view online is a fantastic idea. Not only are we getting the newer ones, but we also have access to the older 2005 and upwards (they really need to do the ones from the mid 90s though). I would quite happy pay the £5 a month for the White Dwarfs and their back catalog. 

HOWEVER. I like most people am not going to sit and read a PDF magazine, on my computer. (OK it’s useful for scrolling through and looking at the pretty pictures). When you run this on a tablet it is slow (if it loads at all). I’ve tried this on multiple brands of tablets and it’s awful. Trying to load an entire magazine as a embedded PDF in a browser. Would the better solution not be for them to have their own PDF viewing app? or integrate with Amazon Kindle? or something better than a browser. 

It makes me so frustrated, do the people that put this together, not go home and test it for themselves? Hire me. I’ll tell you how to run your company I know little about...

It looks like the Paints have gone through several releases since I used them in the mid 90s. Also yes. I am a fan of Space Wolves..

Other than Warhammer-Vault rarely works very well on a tablet. It is a brilliant idea. I hope they do manage to sort their own PDF reader App out - at the very least, an offline mode. 

Oh yeah - there was one more thing. If you subscribe for a year, you get the choice of a ‘free’ miniature : 

Currently you can get Azrakh the Annihilator for Warhammer 40K or Mobyllorr Darkfang for Warhammer Fantasy Warhammer Age of Sigmar. But you have to wait a full year (and pay the £60) before you’ll see it. By then I’m hoping my painting will of improved enough to risk putting brush to figure. That’s another thing... at some point between the mid-90s and 2022, it stopped being Warhammer Fantasy, and is now called “Age of Sigmar”. Now back in my day. We didn’t call the store Warhammer, we called it Games Workshop, and a pound coin was called a golden queen. There were only 4 days in a week, back then we didn’t call them a day, we called them a quarter moon turn...

..end of ramblings...

[fictionkinfessions]

oh my god okay i am a full entire week late to the canon quote game but i saw the prompt when it got posted and then went offline for a full entire week because my sibling was here and i wanted to be fully present bcuz they hadnt stayed over in a bit AND im not sure i actually understood the prompt now that ive read other peoples responses but i miss submitting here so

i actually can sort of quote myself? like. i would say “dont overthink that”/“dont think too hard about that” a lot, basically whenever i said something that could possibly be a little bit, uh. concerning, if you thought about it too long, usually because i had just finished thinking about it too long and then gone. fuck. wait. god dammit im doing it again arent i. and anyways this was not a common thing for most folks to say as far as i can remember so when i first remembered this (read: figured out why i suddenly kept saying this thing that i couldnt have picked up from anyone in this life because none of my friends ever say that) i was basically like lmao dumbass didnt realize this was not even in the top three problems of the day for most other dragons around him but um. recently i figured out that i actually picked this up from thorn. who… didnt really say it very often to pretty much anyone who wasnt me. for reasons that are becoming increasingly obvious. so technically i uh. technically i can actually quote thorn, it turns out, basically, is what im getting at here.

weirdly writing all this out kind of triggered a couple memories of specific things that got said that might fit the prompt a bit better but theyre all a little too personal to share here honestly. mostly because it would be super fucking obvious who else was involved in the conversation and that feels… weird idk. (and also technically i guess all of this is just my brains awkward translation of a language that does not exist (that i couldnt really recreate or transcribe even if i remembered it accurately) and theres a certain connotation to what was actually being said at least in the first case that i cant really explain and that is killing me right now omg. sometimes i forget why i dont even bother trying to explain my memories to most people anymore and then i try to participate in an ask game or an ongoing conversation or something and im like. ah. right. the vocal chords. lmao.) anyways sorry this kinda veered off topic a little but i cannot sleep right now and its seriously been ages since i submitted here. and also i really dont know what else you would expect from me lol -qibli (wings of fire)