#I feel like I need to ramble about the dystopia a little more | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

leverage-ot3 · 7 months

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What are your k drama recommendations??!? I need new ones

omg my time has come thank you anon for giving me the opportunity to ramble about shows

I ended up talking WAY too long so I'm putting everything after the first one under the cut

all of us are dead- show about high schoolers as a zombie apocalypse starts. very funny and relatable, literally they call the police and are like 'have you seen train to busan?' bffrrn. has a lot of social commentary and there are references to the sinking of mc sewol (a cruise that sunk where the captain deserted it and left a large amount of high schoolers to drown). commentary about how adults save themselves first/leave youth to fend for themselves. one of my comfort shows and although they didn't intend for more seasons, it was received so well that they have been renewed! I am also an ot4 truther and sometimes talk about them on my international shows sideblog: @nam-on-jo

sweet home- (disclaimer: I am not caught up and have not yet seen s2 which came out a little while ago) honestly I have no idea how to explain this so I'm gonna copy-paste the blurb: as humans turn into savage monsters, one troubled teenager and his neighbours fight to survive and to hold onto their humanity. basically people turn into monsters for [redacted] reasons and everyone in his large apartment building is stuck inside trying to fend for their lives.

my name- I'm just going to paste the blurbs going forward because it's easier: Following her father's murder, a revenge-driven woman puts her trust in a powerful crime boss -- and enters the force under his direction. bro some of these twists I expected but others caught me off guard. I love the main character and am a little gay for her but I think that's valid because she's a bamf. there was a plot point at the end of the second to last episode that I really didn't like and made me very upset. narratively I get why they did it but it made me sad so I'm still pissy. might get around to writing a fix-it fic one day when motivation strikes because my girl deserves better things.

the guest- a detective, a catholic priest, and a psychic join forces to fight crime caused by supernatural forces. not to say they are my ot3 but they kinda are. (other ppl interpret it is a lesbian and her two bi/gay bffs which I also accept but. ot3 tho). LOVED every twist and turn and how the three of them go from not trusting one another to being family. genuinely one of my favorites from all the kdramas I've watched over the years and I want to rewatch it again soon

happiness (tvn)- The residents of a high-rise apartment fight for their lives against a deadly infectious disease while Sae-bom and Yi-hyun try to find the person because of whom the virus spread. bro I adored this. some characters annoyed me (which means they were written effectively) but it has so much. fake dating/marriage (they wanted a better apartment lmao). annoyances to lovers. mean/rude woman soft for sunshine man. what you will do for the people you love. morals and humanity during a catastrophy. *smacks show* you can fit so much into this. no but seriously, I thought this was a really interesting take on the zombie virus! so some of the time you come off completely asymptomatic and 'normal', so people can get away with acting normal and hiding the disease around other people, so the paranoia and mystery is REALLY amped up. had me guessing a LOT. sae-bom and yi-hyun are both cops/detectives and you find out really early (ep 1/2?) that sae-bom is immune which gives a really interesting dynamic that leaves her (to yi-hyun's exasperation and heightened blood pressure levels) to be kinda reckless in the pursuit of truth and salvation. I'm rambling now because this is making me watch to rewatch but yeah as a zombie/dystopia/apocalypse lover this was a good watch. it's more story-focused than violence-heavy which was a cool and refreshing twist

alice in borderland- okay y'all I am aware people had mixed feelings about s2 but overall I did enjoy the series. 'Obsessed gamer Arisu suddenly finds himself in a strange, emptied-out version of Tokyo in which he and his friends must compete in dangerous games in order to survive.' what can I say, I love a dystopian-esque setting.

the silent sea- imma be real, I only watched it for loml bae doona from sense8. 'During a perilous 24-hour mission on the moon, space explorers try to retrieve samples from an abandoned research facility steeped in classified secrets.' basically earth is in severe crisis mode as they run out of water to drink. water has recently been found on the moon, and although there was a mysterious tragedy that happened previously to researchers looking for water in a base on the moon, they have reached a level of desperation where they have another mission to look for moon water. mystery, paranoia, a couple of good twists ensue. I thought it was pretty good even though I have some mixed feelings about the open ending.

semantic error- yes I am sliding a bl into this list. bitch you thought. of course my bl-loving self would mention this (I forgot about it until I looked up good kdramas to remind myself of stuff I have watched). 'A strict, rule-abiding computer science major must work together with an artist with a polar-opposite personality to his.' confident cool boy meets bitch boy. it's great.

and of course...

leverage con artists- I would be fired from running this blog if I didn't mention the beloved korean spinoff of leverage. 'The series follows the story of Lee Tae-joon, a former insurance investigator who forms a team of thieves and con artists to target the rich and wealthy. The team was also formed to avenge Tae-joon's son's death.' I've posted about it before so I won't go super into it but it's VERY camp, a good time, and the ot3 is alive and well. debatable more overt than their predecessor!

other mentionables:

I tried watching kingdom (again for bae doona) but couldn't really get into it. might try again later because it's critically acclaimed (I think) and has even gotten a spinoff series

my roommate really liked mr queen. I didn't really pay attention when we were in the same room and they were watching it but it's fruity

the island on amazon prime was good! interesting plot but not in my top 10 or anything. worth a watch if you're looking for a kdrama to watch in your spare time. features girlboss businesswoman being thrown into a world of the supernatural because [redacted]. supernatural black horse man keeps her safe while keeping a life-changing secret.

let's fight ghost was a thai show that I saw and loved that was adapted into a kdrama called bring it on ghost, but honestly I couldn't get through it because I liked the thai one better.

train to busan is technically a movie but it's iconic and well-known and I highly suggest watching it if you like zombie/apocalypse movies. disclaimer: kdramas do not have the slow 'walker' zombies. they are fucking fast and the stuff of my nightmares. would probably just jump off a bridge if this actually happened ngl

I did think that extraordinary attorney woo was cute. I never finished it and know that there are VERY valid criticisms about the perpetuation of media portraying people with autism in the stereotypical savant ways. however, I liked how the love interest accepted her for who she was, loved her because of who she was and made efforts to accommodate and learn how to comfort her in ways that would work for her

business proposal was pretty decent if you like lighthearted romance- I didn't finish it but would like to at some point

tale of the nine tailed was another one that my roommate and I started watching but never finished. it was alright! just lost interest

shows on my watchlist:

black knight (netflix)- 'In a dystopian future devastated by air pollution, the survival of humanity depends on a group of deliverymen known as the Black Knights who navigate the wastelands using unconventional means.'

copycat killer-

hellbound (netflix)-

shop for killers (hulu)- 'A nephew who lost his parents and grew up in the hands of an uncle who runs a shopping mall faces a new truth after his uncle's sudden death.'

the legend of the blue sea (viki + hulu)- 'A magistrate's plan to release mermaids into the ocean backfires when they're caught by fishermen.' (legit I just miss mermaid media)

gyeongseong creature (netflix)- 'In the city of Gyeongseong in 1945, a group of young people thinking only of their own survival encounter a monster born of human greed and ask themselves what humanity is.'

dark hole (viki)- 'A mysterious black fog from a petrochemical factory's sinkhole turns people into bizarre figures; people who are not infected try to survive in this middle of pandemonium.'

the cursed (multiple)- 'An enthusiastic social issues reporter, fighting against the evil hidden behind an IT conglomerate, meets a teen-age girl who is possessed by a spirit and has special abilities.'

blood (multiple)- 'Dr Park Ji Sang believes in the sanctity of human life, and struggles to treat terminally ill cancer patients and save lives while at the same time being a vampire.'

the ghost detective (viki)- 'In this horror thriller drama, a detective who catches ghosts tries to solve the case of his younger sibling's death with the help of his assistant.'

possessed (netflix)- 'A smart-mouthed detective and a reclusive psychic medium join together to get rid of the ghost of a murder who was executed 20 years ago.'

connect (hulu)- 'A man is kidnapped and one of his eyes removed by a gang of organ hunters; his eyes was transplanted into body of a serial killer; the unwilling donor now has terrible visions as he witnesses terrifying attacks on the residents of Seoul.'

and now just because so many of these only have het romances, I looked up k-dramas with lgbtq representation... (some of these recommendations were from articles from screenrant, movieweb, this subreddit, herzindagi (bl-focused), allkpop)

schoolgirl detectives (viki)- 'Five teenage girls join together to investigate mysterious incidents that occur at their school, as well as help classmate deal with bullying, depression and other crises.'

be melodramatic (netflix, viki)- 'Three 30-year-old best friends, Jinju, Eun-jung and Hanju each pursue different paths in both career and love. Despite life's difficulties, the three friends can always return home at the end of the day and support each other.'

lily fever (available w/subtitles on youtube)- 'The story revolves around the budding relationship between Kim Kyung Ju and Jang Se Rang who meet when Kyung Ju can't find her passport and has to go to her friend's house to try and find it.'

love alarm (netflix)- 'In a world in which an app alerts people if someone in the vicinity likes them, Kim Jojo experiences young love while coping with personal adversities.'

nevertheless (netflix)- 'The story of a romance between a man who is annoyed with relationships but likes to flirt and a woman who wants to date but does not believe in love.' (wlw side couple romance)

#i worked on this while the other half of the screen was zoom (i was just supervising don't worry) and this post is now WAY too long #so i'm stopping here #jackie talks #about me #mine #asks #answered asks #anon asks #kdrama #kdramas #international shows #my recommendations #other media #read more

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fizzingwizard · 1 year

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rambly, bit warning for mention of death and stuff

I used to be really into action/adventure stories, scifi, fantasy, thrillers... Although I always preferred stories that focused on characters more than plot, a story with an intriguing plot with a satisfying (or satisfyingly unsatisfying) outcome was always the most memorable.

I heard about iyashikei many years ago and remember being flummoxed. It's a story-telling style in Japan which is just about peaceful scenes, comfort, and feeling relaxed. It didn't seem interesting to me at all. I thought of that style as the Thomas Kinkade of literature/movies. I loved Ghibli films, but I never thought they fit that style, or fit it only in part.

My gosh, how I've changed in just the last five years. When I met my boyfriend, we bonded over X-men and Star Trek and recommended adventure novels to each other. Now he's still into all that, but I've moved away. It's not that I don't like those things anymore. I just don't get whatever it was I used to get from them. I don't want to watch new Star Trek shows. I don't want to read new adventures novels. Just the thought is exhausting to me. A fantasy novel hits the bestseller list, and instead of running out to buy it, I go, "Not another dystopia."

And I've totally embraced that iyashikei story. I want to live in it. It's true I still don't like things that are always perfect peace and harmony - but most of the stories I've encountered in this genre aren't. They're just gentler, slower moving, and dedicated to their aesthetic.

Basically my interests have done a 180 and I'm kind of in shock over it. It's really hampered me in some ways, because of course, I always dreamed of being like NK Jemisin and having my own awesome adventure series out one day. In the space of a few short years I lost all interest in doing something like that, although I still want to write. I just want to write things most people wouldn't want to read, lol.

So I'm trying to pinpoint when and why the change. When I started reading the Moomin novels a few years ago, even though I was a full-grown adult, I was completely drawn in. It's tough to explain, something to do with the atmosphere and philosophy. Moomins fits really well in with iyashikei. It's not too cutesy or too sweet to put me off - it's whimsical and fun and adventurous, but also calm and reassuring and wise. Every reread tells me something different. I don't think Tove Jansson and I are very much alike, but she makes me wish "heartful" was a word, because it seems to apply to her stories much better than thoughtful.

But why did I fall in love with Moomins so hard? As much as I'd like to think the stories would have the same effect on anyone, more likely it's because of my headspace when I found them. I was in a new job, just past the point of struggling and starting to find my feet, but still feeling unsure about it. I was in a new relationship. I was having a lot of family issues. And I was really unhappy about the world in general. I think my own head was just so full of stress and helplessness, and I really wanted permission to feel happy. Moomins gave me that. Those books swept in and reminded me how insignificant I am, and how significant that insignificance is. They reminded me what "tolerance" should look like - not the tolerance that made me hate the term, but hospitality and true loving your neighbor. It made me feel okay with being a basketcase yet loving storms (I relate way, way too much to the Fillyjonk in the Disaster story). And I loved the harshness and the great love and the wonder in the story of the little whomper who wishes his baby brother away. Honestly, Tales is such a great book. I was just like Moominpappa in trying to understand the incomprehensible sea. On my first read of November, I thought it was such a sad story. But on each progressive reread, the book becomes full of light. The family which can't connect with each other needs to find what each member needs to feel free in themself before they can fix the connection. And they need to face what they can't have, because it's out of their control.

I'm just rambling about Moomins now lol. The point is that I came across the Moomins right when I needed them, or something just like them. I felt so lost and alone but was determined to tough it out by myself. Although I've always been someone who loves solitude, I didn't really have it in me to be alone and heartbroken. Reading the books gave me some strength. I felt like my childhood had been a lie, and that nobody cared about that but me. And I felt that my life spent biting my tongue and not saying what I think was going to be my future too. And I don't know, Moomins didn't fix anything, I still have all those problems, but I guess I feel less alone with them. Like here are these people just living their lives being judged but not judging back. They don't bite their tongue, but they still don't talk because it's much better to do what you want than waste your breath. And knowing Tove wrote it all while being very human and mercurial herself is all the permission I need to love and believe in the stories despite my own weaknesses.

And I still don't feel like going back to action/adventure stories. That's what's most surprising. I'm going to see the new Spiderman movie this weekend. But aside from now and then stuff like that, I'm just not moved by thrills and high action. Maybe someday that will change - I thought it would - I thought I would have reverted years ago. But it still just sounds exhausting to me. The world is so much, I just want a small corner where no one will bother me. The other day I had a vision of myself lying in a patch of soft clover like I loved doing as a kid, and a stranger came up an stabbed me. My boyfriend ran over and called an ambulance, but I told him that if they said it was a fatal wound, then they should leave me because I'd rather die in the clover than at the hospital. It was very odd to think about, but the thought of dying in the hospital just made me so sad. More than the thought of dying itself.

Although it's morbid, I think that well expresses how I've been feeling these past years. It's not like I'm unhappy. I'm doing pretty well and mostly cheerful. But even when I was a kid I tended to think about sad things in a friendlier way than I think certain other people do. It's natural to end up a loner, because no one really wants to talk about that stuff with you. It's why I always say I'm no good at small talk. And I like thinking about the universe and spirituality and philosophy. I don't like politics or other stupidity. And I've felt my ability to do the former is very threatened by goings on in the latter. And lately my fear is that I'll find peace through resignation: okay, these people are never going to respect me for this or that reason, so I'm just going to let them not respect me and keep my thoughts to myself, because at least they'll still be mine. That's true in a sense but it's not good. It's not good because this is my one and only life, and it's fucking stupid that some people think they should decide for me what I am capable of because I'm a woman. Or any of the other myriad specious "reasons" bigots come up with so that they don't have to feel afraid.

tl;dr I just am so done with the world and want to go frolic with the Moomins, lol.

#fizz's life #long and rambly

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kaxen · 8 months

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A rambling thought about cyberpunk dystopia, doomerism, and the uselessness of perfectionism

…..the US needed floppy disks for nuclear shit until like 2019.

I feel like this puts a damper on all the sci-fi that is like BUT THE GOVERNMENT HAS SO MUCH TECHNOLOGY. lol

The eternal struggle being doomerism and "realistically, you're giving bad people too much credit for being smart in this dystopia."

Like the Nazis were also pretty inefficient and stupid too. ((this train of thought was somewhat incited by watching a video on the Balkans, blaming everything on WWI, contemplating killing every guy who drew a line on maps for a country he doesn't live in, and taking a detour to kill Hitler, just in case))

Anyway, this is why it's better to sticky tape a solution and keep going than to sit around complaining none of the solutions are perfect enough.

Bigger idiots and bigger assholes can get so much momentum because they personally do not care how shitty of a job they do.

Uncompromising perfectionists throwing their dumbass ideas in politics discourse drives me a little cray-cray.

“THESE VIABLE MULTI-STEP IDEAS AREN'T GOOD ENOUGH, SO WHY DON'T WE ALL NOT VOTE AND BLOW UP THE GOVERNMENT”

JESUS CHRIST HAVE YOU NEVER STUDIED HISTORY.

REVOLUTION AIN'T PRETTY OR SIMPLE.

IT'S EVEN MORE TRYING TO NOT DIE AS YOU SLAP TRACKS DOWN.

Being uncompromisingly perfect in an imperfect world is a fool's errand.

And honestly sometimes I need to remind myself that since I am a person of occasionally delicate disposition and the Perfectionism Gremlin is a cunt.

Don't need to cure everything all at once. Sometimes you just gotta start by putting a fuckin' basket where you keep dropping all your shit and then move on to the next small fix you can manage.

#I don't think I am a full doomer #but sometimes it is a powerful specter #might just be exhaustion

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thecrowslullaby · 3 years

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How about...

21. Dystopian AU & 74. Huddling for warmth with Dukeceit?

Also imagine I give you a blanket and some tea, hope you feel better soon 😊🫖💙

Thank you for the blankets. I drank tea and I'm doing okeyish

Pairing: Dukeceit (more platonic than romantic I think)

Tags: Swearing, suprisingly wholesome Remus, gun?

Word count: 633

Of fucking course the shit in the hole would have fucking Levianth minions lurking around.

It was supposed to be just a quick in and out mission from their boss. Gather supplies and be back to base but the minute Janus and he stepped through the door it shut behind them, locking them both in the freezer.

They should have suspected something was up. It was far too cold inside when Logan disassembled the electronic lock. Guess you could always count on good old mutant AI trying to destroy humanity.

From the sound of gunshots from the other side of the door Remus concluded it wasn't peachy on the other side either. Classic. Trap those you can and eliminate the rest with minions.

Remus plopped down on the ground. There was nothing Janus or him could do. The door was locked from the other side so they had to wait for Logan to open it once again.

There was a chattering sound behind him. Remus grabbed his gun and snapped his torso around, only to come aim at a surprised Janus, who was rubbing furiously at his arms.

"Are you cold?"

"Oh not at all Remus" he sneered. "I'm just as peachy as back home in sunny Mississippi. I just thought I’d compose a melody."

Remus snorted, patting the spot on the ground to his right.

"What?"

"Sit"

"Yes Remus, sitting on the frozen ground is exactly what I need right now."

"You can sit on my lap if you want to," he wiggled his eyebrows. I assure you it's much warmer than the ground."

“Hard pass” Janus responded sitting down.. As soon as he did Remus shrugged off his jacket and laid it over his friend. Despite Janus being slightly taller than him it still hung loosely on him, no wonder he was cold. Remus wrapped his arm around his friend, pulling him closer, so his scaled side could rest against him. He captured all of Janus' bony fingers with his other hand. The scales were cold to the touch.

"Wow, Logan wasn't kidding when he said you're cold blooded, rattlesnake."

"When is Logan ever kidding, Remus?"

Remus snorted.

"Yeah. I just wasn't aware it could get this bad so quickly."

Janus shrugged.

"Comes with the good looks" Remus snorted. He remembered all the times Janus’ ‘good looks’ have gotten them into trouble. It was a close call far too many times and there were five of them now. He can’t imagine what it must have been like for Janus before he and Logan joined their rag tag team. He doubted he'd ever find out, not how secretative the two of them were about it.

He was brought out of his thoughts as Janus teeth chattering got louder.

"I promise not to make any dirty jokes if you want to sit in my lap" Janus raised his eyebrow "Alright. I'm going to make one dirty joke but you're fucking cold and I don't want you to freeze."

To his surprise Janus stood up, awkwardly slipping onto Remus lap. He shifted the jacket to the front, pressing his back against Remus. Oh he really was cold. The bulkier man slipped his arms under the jacket, grabbing Janus’ hands.

"Oh you’re warm.” The taller man said, relaxing slightly.

“Warm?” Remus grinned. “I should be offended. I’m fucking hot, man.” Janus snorted, arching his head awkwardly to look down at Remus.

Before the taller man had any chance to respond, the door burst open, Roman’s grinning face popping into the room.

"The hero is here to save you both" Roman’s eyes went wide as they landed on Remus and Janus, but he quickly recovered, a devious grin breaking out on his face.

"Do you want us to lock you two in for two more minutes?"

#ts janus #ts remus #cawtent #I made Janus taller than Remus in this one #be proud of me warcats #I feel like I need to ramble about the dystopia a little more #it's neuroshima au which is technically a polish only rpg (in terms of worlbuilding its similiar to mad max)#everyone who's born next to mississipi is a mutant #so Janus has scales in this one :D #basically a post apo :D #Levianth/Moloch is a huge thing (and I mean broader than a few states huge thing) that is expanding south by overtaking warehouses robots #all the electronics basically #Logan is from a place called the outpost #A mobile settlement run by scientists who aim to destroy Moloch #Idk what the twins Patton and Virgil would be but I kinda wanna expand this #dukeceit

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stonedregulus · 2 years

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Hi! In your ask box for gender related reasons umm again.... You don't have to answer if you don't want to I don't know if you're getting tired of these.

I was wondering if you know anyone who publicly identifies as agender? I've been looking into nonbinary labels to see if one felt right and I'm struggling but I'm thinking maybe agender? Maybe that can be one of my refrigerator magnets? But I'm having a hard time figuring out if I'm understanding the label correctly since I don't have anyone to ask about it. I identify as asexual and I have read that there's a lot of overlap in the asexual and agender communities like a lot of people fall under both if they fit in one. So maybe I'm only relating to the agender label because I'm comfortable and confident with asexual so agender feels familiar. Or I'm just so apathetic about life in a capitalist dystopia that the idea of my body having a gender feels a little bizarre because everything is meaningless. Yeah I don't know if that makes sense at all.

Sorry don't feel like you have to respond to this I don't know if I even actually asked you a question. I just wish I had someone I could talk to about this stuff... Not that I don't have friends that would be supportive but just the idea of coming out as something other than cis feels overwhelming when I can't define it but I can't talk to anyone without coming out to some degree and what's the point of that if I end up exploring all this gender stuff just to later be like lol no I'm wrong I'm completely cis I just read too much fanfic with exclusively male presenting bodies and it made me think I wanted a dick for a second there but I was wrong.

Hey bestie, of course I am not tired of these asks, send as many as you want. I’m sorry for not responding quicker 😭

So I don’t personally know anyone whose agender or maybe I do and I just don’t know it (sorry if you’ve told me friends, I have the memory of a goldfish)!

I think everything you’re saying makes a lot of sense. You’re so valid. It’s so scary to try and explore while also coming out because things can change as we does over ourselves more.

What you just said about reading a lot of mlm/masc presenting bodies in fanfic hit me harddddd 😅 I was wondering that for so fucking long but like I’m pretty sure that’s not like actually a thing, just because I have a few friends who are cis women who read the same stuff as me and I don’t think they feel the same way, you know what I mean? Like if you’re feeling like sort of dysphoric I don’t think it’s because you’re like reading too much fanfic. Maybe reading the fanfic has made you realize it more but I don’t think it would change how you actually feel about being in your body, you know? But ALSO if you felt like that’s what you wanted and then later on in life that feeling changed for you that would be okay! Like it would be okay, I swear 💖 I hope that all made sense I think I’m rambling.

Also I need like a nick name for you because I always just call you gender anon, so next time you send me an ask give yourself a nick name (even if it’s just a series of emojis) so I know who you are! 💖

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mothelette · 2 years

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trying to get back into the game???

i've been really obsessed with playing again lately, but since i couldn't cause i wasn't home for weeks, i've been adding to my pinterest boards and writing and really thinking about what and how i wanted to do it (idk why i always need to be super organized and give myself rules to literally play with pixels)

------how do i want to play???

i want to really play the game, have fun again. but i'm also always super invested in my sims storylines because i can't enjoy playing if i don't thread a little story, even if it's just for myself. so i've decided to lean towards story-driven gameplays (i.e: i have a slight idea of the direction i want my characters lives to go in, but i'm letting myself play as i like and the story can and will be affected by gameplay)

i've been super into interactive narrative games lately, and i wanna try replicating this in the sims (i.e: if this happens then i can allow that to happen, but if that happens then i can't do this, etc. etc. blabla)

+ i don't want to stick to ONE gameplay. i know i tend to get messy and start 10000 saves, but i get bored so fast and there's never one week in which i only want to play in one save. i need some variety, and it leads us to:

------new ideas???

OK the best part now: what am i cooking???

i'd like to give dystopia/post-apocalypse another go, cause i had so much fun the first time i did it and am really into these kind of graphic novels—so GUNG HO save reboot! this time: way more story-driven & more of a caricatural cartoony style with comic-like editing. already started writing some of the plot & characters and looking for aesthetic references. the title will probably change but for now i'm calling it like that in my head lol. (ps: above is the cover of the actual comic that first inspired me for this save—below is my reference board for sim design)

then,

i really want to play with high school years when it's fixed so of course i'll make my HEARTBREAK HIGH save - basically bringing macha back to life as a teen because it's my fave sim ever, but the style will be more semi-realistic (no alpha in mind but like LiS aesthetic if you get me?? we'll see how i feel) this will still be story-driven but way less, more gameplay-oriented (just like i did with 2002 actually, having fun and making up stories out of what the game gave me lol)—i kinda want it to feel like my own lil sitcom yk???

these will be my 2 main saves for the moment (i'm still playing my heartblood save but i think i need to give it a makeover before posting it again lol)—and then, i'd like to create a mini SLASHER challenge/story, because it's my favourite kind of horror movies and i wanna make my own!! something really cliché like in a summer camp & using sacrificial mods and i'll play the murderer and you won't know who it is until the end of the challenge ANYWAYS i've been rambling for too long and no oNE CARES so good night!!! i'm going back home tomorrow so i will be able to PLAY

good night!!!

xox

#rambling under the cut #rly excited about all 3 of them so??? good news #mothtxt

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vallkyr · 4 years

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Step Out

When the people you trust most leave you to get caught by the task force hunting you, what else is there to do but finding new allies?

This wonderful gif has been made by the equally wonderful @agustdawn

Pairings: Chan x Kwangsun (OC), Chan x Felix, Minho x Jisung, Changbin x Hyunjin, Younghyun x Liam (OC), Siyeon x Jonghyeon, Aaron x Minhyun and other minor pairings

Genres: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, some Romance and bits of Fluff in between

Tags: Dystopia AU, Rebels AU

Chapter Tags: making up, emotional hurt, making up, unrequited love (or is it?)

Rating: Mature

General Warnings: Violence, Injury, Panic Attacks, Minor Character Death

Chapter Warnings: blood

Word Count: 9,446

Hey, everyone! I'm sorry the update took so long, I've had some trouble writing Step Out. But! I'm back! I'll try to make chapters shorter again and hopefully opdate more often.

Edit: I made some changes to Step Out since first posting it. For the explanation please check the notes at the beginning of chapter 9

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Chapter 8 – Worry gives a small thing a big shadow

Making composite sketches doesn’t sound like much, but Chan nonetheless feels exhausted when he and Kwangsun sit down in what has become their spot – the little seating corner Younghyun showed them last week. At least they were able to finish Lee Know’s sketch. One down, four more to go. How wonderful, Chan is already looking forward to wrecking his brain for a fitting description of the other members’ faces. Not. Beyond being tiring, making these catches is taking a toll on Chan’s psyche. No matter the circumstances, handing the DIT pictures of the members on a silver platter feels wrong. Dirty.

“Do you think they’ll really be able to find the others with those sketches?” Kwangsun wonders out loud. Chan really doesn’t feel like replying to that. Or like talking at all. He just wants to go home and lock himself up in his room. But at the same time, he doesn’t want to close off from Kwangsun. All this must be difficult for him too. Chan may not be much of a leader right now, but Kwangsun still depends on him and Chan will be damned if he doesn’t live up to that.

“Who knows. If we do our best-”

Blaring alarms cut through their conversation. Panic rises inside of Chan right away. This shit isn’t any easier the second time around; Chan fucking hates the alarms inside the DIT. Kwangsun’s hand quickly finds his and squeezes tightly.

“Focus on me.”

It’s easier said than done. Everything is blinking in yellow and the siren hurts in Chan’s ears. It’s too much. Way too much. All of it. Fuck, why couldn’t it just stop?

“I know this is hard,” Kwangsun says. He tries to keep his voice even despite the loud volume. “But you need to stay calm. Let’s take a deep breath together.”

Chan tries to breathe with Kwangsun, but the air around them feels so stuffy. His chest is too tight. He wants to get out of here. He needs to get out of here.

“Let’s make a plan together, okay?”

Chan only manages a nod. He has to put his entire mind into listening to Kwangsun’s voice to even understand him over everything else bombarding his senses.

“Okay, right now everyone is still rushing to move out,” Kwangsun explains. His voice is so sweet, so calm, so comforting against the sirens. “So we’ll stay here for the time being. Is that alright?” Chan wants to shake his head – he wants to get out of this nightmare as quickly as possible – but he nods. Right now, Kwangsun definitely has the clearer head; Chan needs to trust him. “When everything has calmed a bit, we’ll go to the investigation team’s room. We can sit with Taehyung.”

Chan breathes a low “Yeah” in response. Sitting with Taehyung sounds like heaven right now. Everything would be heaven compared to this loud, blinking hell. He tries his best to continue focusing on Kwangsun, who keeps on rambling and rambling about different stuff they will talk about with Taehyung, anything to distract Chan. Taking another deep breath, Chan closes his eyes and just listens. The sound of Kwangsun’s voice makes it easier to block out the sirens. True to Kwangsun’s codename, his voice is like liquid honey slowly coating Chan’s soul. It’s so sweet and soothing on Chan’s strained senses. When Kwangsun squeezes his hand, Chan opens his eyes again. The blinking is still there, but the sirens have finally stopped.

They get up from the couch in the little seating area and finally make their way to the investigation team’s rooms. It’s a lot quieter there, no running, no rushing. Chan would think the light and sirens hadn’t come through to here if it wasn’t for the tension filling the air. Heads turn and eyes stare at them as soon as they step through the door. When they reach the office of unit C, Taehyung immediately gets up from his desk and crosses the room.

“There you are! I was wondering when you two would come.”

“We had to wait until we were able to get through to here,” Kwangsun explains with a light-hearted smile. Chan is glad Kwangsun is able to come up with an excuse so easily. It saves Chan from admitting his panic attack in front of a bunch of people he doesn’t know.

“Yeah the hallways are a mess when everyone steps out. Anyways, now that you’re here you can finally get to know the rest of our unit.” Taehyung steps behind the person on the desk next to his – closer to the door – and puts his hand on the guy’s shoulder. “This here is Yeosang.” Said person directs a reluctant smile up at Chan and Kwangsun. “He and San-” Taehyung nods towards the person at the opposite desk, who smiles brightly and waves at them- “are the youngest members of our unit.” In a way too loud whisper behind his hand, Taehyung adds “Yeosang is a great help, please convince him to stay after this year.”

“What about me?” San asks with a pout on his face. Taehyung lets go of Yeosang in favour of rounding the two desks and coming closer to San.

“You’re a great help too, Sanie. But you already said you were planning to stay for four years so you don’t need to be persuaded. Yeosang on the other hand…” Taehyung trails off while fixing Yeosang with his gaze.

“I told you I’ll think about it.” Yeosang looks like he can just barely hold back a sigh. Without even knowing the situation, Chan already feels a bit of pity for him. This situation seems like a regular occurrence in unit C.

“I may have been annoying him with this every now and then,” Taehyung confirms Chan’s fear with an only partly regretful smile while going back to his own desk.

“Like once a week.” San seems to find the whole situation rather funny. It’s probably easy for him since he already made up his mind about staying in the DIT for at least four years.

“It feels like more.” Yeosang seems equal parts amused and annoyed by the entire thing. At least he can still laugh about it. Chan can’t help but smile at the interaction. It’s a little hard to believe those three have apparently only been working together for a bit over a year.

“Since Taehyung obviously isn’t going to finish the introduction round,” the guy at the desk in the very back of the office speaks up. “I’m Lance Corporal Park Sungjin. And this-” He gestures towards the person sitting at the desk to his left “is Private Park Roseanne.”

“Nice to meet you.” Private Park has a friendly smile on her face while she greets them. Looking at everyone in this office, Chan feels almost a bit taken aback by how genuinely nice the members of this unit seem despite Chan and Kwangsun having been the enemy just a month ago. Maybe they’re an exception from the rest of the DIT. But then again, Chan thought the same about Taehyung, but clearly, he was wrong. So maybe Chan is just a little too pessimistic after having been around the battle team.

“Nice to meet you,” Chan and Kwangsun echo. With Taehyung sitting again, it becomes rather obvious that Chan and Kwangsun are the only ones standing. It makes them feel a little out of place. As usual.

Almost as though she read Chan’s thoughts, Roseanne speaks up again. “The last few offices in the back are empty, you can get chairs from there.”

It feels a bit weird to just take chairs from one of the unused offices, even though they got permission to do so. Almost everyone is staring at Chan and Kwangsun from their respective desks while they walk back with the desk chairs. Passing the offices feels a little like running the gauntlet. Though it’s still nowhere near as bad as when they entered the battle team’s rooms for the first time.

“Do you have any news about the attack yet?” Kwangsun’s question feels a bit heavy, especially after the playful banter from earlier. But then again, it’s kind of the elephant in the room when sirens were howling and lights were blinking just a few minutes ago.

“Sadly no,” Lance Corporal Park answers. “In a few minutes we’re all going to the conference room to watch the news together and see what’s going on.”

“Do you always work that way?” Chan asks. He doesn’t know what he expected from the investigation team but gathering in front of a TV to watch the news together definitely wasn’t part of it.

“Yeah. Reports from the battle team can be kind of fuzzy. It’s great to have them, but we don’t want to rely on them alone. Another point of view never hurts.” With Taehyung’s explanation it does make a lot more sense. Trying to keep up with everything while staying in the office must be hard. They may have reports and the possibility to investigate the scene afterwards, but nothing can replace first-hand experience.

“It has started.” Everyone turns their heads towards the guy standing in the door frame to their office. Behind him, people get up from their seats and stream towards the meeting room at the end of the middle hallway. Chan feels nervousness fill him again as they too get up and start to follow. He tries his best to stay right in between Kwangsun and Taehyung and readies himself for what he’s about to see.

[-]

Another empty room. Jungkook waits in the doorway while Bora dutifully but needlessly checks every part of the office. Not being able to rely on security cameras is a pain in the ass. Already about to tell Bora that they should move on, Jungkook is interrupted from a noise down the hallway. The rest of their unit is the opposite way. Maybe another unit?

“I think I heard something. I’m going to check.” It’s probably just one of their people anyways. Stray Kids are usually gone so quickly, chances are they aren’t even inside the building anymore. Jungkook keeps his gun ready nevertheless; you never know. Rounding the corner, Jungkook is met with a flash of pink. A mask. Jungkook doesn’t have time to think because he’s noticed right away. I.N immediately lifts his gun and yells something, probably a code, nothing Jungkook can make any sense of.

“Stop!” Jungkook shouts when I.N backs away. He’s about to fire a warning show when he finds himself a lot closer to the floor than he used to be. How? What happened? Why is he on his knees? The bang still echoes in Jungkook’s ears. Did he shoot? He looks up but I.N has already vanished. Where did he go? What’s going on? Jungkook looks down and sees red, not pink. Where is this coming from? Only gradually, he starts to feel the strange warmth in his left leg.

Blood. He’s bleeding?

Suddenly pain hits him. Fuck, what the hell? Jungkook’s thigh feels like it’s on fire. What’s happening? Is that really his blood? Jungkook thinks he hears a voice somewhere, but it doesn’t reach his brain. Before Jungkook can get any meaning out of it, there are hands on his body and he is hoisted up onto his legs. “Can you walk?”

“Yes.” Apparently not. Jungkook almost falls back onto the ground when he tries to take a step. Okay. Whatever happened, Jungkook can be sure that he’s injured. There’s no other explanation for that pain.

“Let’s get you out of here.” Bora puts Jungkook’s arm over her shoulder and shifts his weight onto herself before dragging him along, stumbling towards the entry. Every damn step sends another fire down Jungkook’s thigh. He still can’t seem to keep up with any of this. Where did the injury come from? How come he didn’t realize?

“What happened?” A blur passes over Jungkook’s eyes. He doesn’t realize it’s Jimin’s voice until his right arm is lifted and another person helps drag him out of the building. He lifts his head and is met with Jimin’s face next to him.

“He heard a noise and went to check. I.N shot him in the leg.”

Shot? Damnit, that makes sense.

“Fuck!” Frustration and worry drips from Jimin’s voice. Jungkook can’t help but feel guilty for making Jimin upset like that. He just wanted to check who caused that noise, none of them thought Stray Kids would still be here. When they finally make it outside, they’re immediately approached by members of the safety team.

“Bullet wound in the leg,” Jimin explains. “We have to get him into hospital.”

“This way.” The safety team member – Jungkook doesn’t have the mind to try and remember his name – guides them towards one of the ambulances and helps Jungkook onto the stretcher. Pain shoots through Jungkook when he lifts his leg up. So much more pain than before. He’s really been shot? Jungkook still has trouble keeping up with the events and believing the voices around him, but the pain definitely isn’t like anything he’s felt before. Someone helps him lift it onto the stretcher, Jungkook doesn’t register who it is, just feels another jolt of pain.

“Jungkook-ah, hey.” Jimin leans over him, stays still when the world around Jungkook starts moving. “Can you hear me?” Actually, Jungkook can’t hear anything but Jimin. Focusing on Jimin is the only way to get away from the pain and all the blurriness around him.

“Yeah.”

“Good.” Jungkook thinks he catches the hint of a smile before Jimin turns around, probably towards Bora again. “I’m going with him so you’re in charge now. Tell Hoseok and Wooyoung what happened.”

“Understood.” And off Bora is, not losing any time.

The doors close and paramedics start fussing over Jungkook. More pain shoots through Jungkook when one of the paramedics start working on stopping the bleeding. He still can’t keep up with what they’re doing; he doesn’t care either if they just get this pain to stop already. Jungkook tries to focus on Jimin to get his mind off the injury, but one of the paramedics soon starts asking Jungkook questions about what happened and about his condition. Jungkook takes a deep breath, tries to gather the pieces of his mind again and reply to the questions the best he can. He probably isn’t much of a help right now but it’s not like anyone else can answer for him.

Although Jimin is staying in the background, he’s a steady, comforting presence in the ambulance. When the paramedic is done asking questions and turns towards her colleague, Jungkook turns his head to look at Jimin. Despite the exhaustion on Jimin’s face, his eyes are stable, full of strength, like he’s still holding Jungkook up with just his gaze. Even with everything going on, Jungkook feels a bit more at ease just looking at Jimin. Having Jimin next to him both brings Jungkook closer and pushes him away from reality.

“How are you?” Jungkook asks, which would usually be such a casual question but inside an ambulance, it feels completely different. Putting it like that makes Jungkook feel ridiculous, but he means it. Seeing someone you’re responsible for wounded must be hard, especially since Jimin wasn’t present when everything happened.

Jimin snorts and shakes his head, not like Jungkook can blame him for the reaction. “You’re the one who got shot.”

“I’ve talked enough about that. So? How are you feeling, Lance Corporal Park?”

Sighing, Jimin leans a little closer to Jungkook, probably not wanting the paramedics to hear their conversation. “Horrible,” Jimin admits. “I was so worried when I saw Bora carrying you. It looked really bad.”

“Worried?” Jimin was worried? About him? Somehow the thought feels so surreal to Jungkook. It had never seemed liked Jimin particularly cared about him, at least not beyond the professional amount.

“Yeah.” For a moment Jungkook thinks he’s dreaming, because Jimin suddenly reaches out and takes Jungkook’s hand into his own. They don’t say anything, just look at each other, but it’s enough to make Jungkook’s heart starts to race again. Considering his current state, that’s definitely suboptimal, but he can’t help himself. This is Jimin after all. Jimin is worth every bit of blood loss. Jungkook feels like he should say something, ask Jimin why they’re holding hands or why Jimin is looking at him with a fondness that melts Jungkook’s heart. But before Jungkook’s brain can provide him with the right words the ambulance comes to a halt and the doors swing open. Jimin lets go of Jungkook’s hand when the stretcher is pulled out, but he follows close behind it.

Distantly, Jungkook thinks he should be more concerned about the bullet possibly still stuck in his leg rather than the warmth of Jimin’s hand still present in his palm. But he’s had an eye on Jimin since his first day at the DIT three years ago, so can you really blame him?

[-]

I.N breaks apart as soon as they’re inside the house. He seems to barely remember to set his backpack down before he lets himself fall to the floor and starts to cry. Changbin quickly puts his own backpack aside before crouching down next to I.N “What’s wrong?” Something must have happened. Missions always leave them irritated and exhausted, but crying is unusual, especially like this. The last time someone had cried was when they left without Chan and Kkul.

“I… I-“ I.N sobs, unable to continue speaking. The poor kid can barely get any sounds out. And his entire body is shaking. What the hell happened?

“He had to shoot at somebody,” Mirror whispers just loud enough for Changbin to hear while crouching down next to them. It takes a moment for Changbin to process those words. Even when they’re on a mission, I.N really doesn’t seem like a person who would shoot at anyone. Judging by his reaction, I.N himself cannot belief what he did.

“I.Nie.” Mirror’s voice is quiet and gentle in a way Changbin hadn’t heard before. It feels so foreign to see them like this when Mirror and I.N are usually easy going and joke around together. Very carefully, Mirror comes closer to I.N, tries to catch his attention. “I.Nie, you aimed at the legs, didn’t you?”

“I-” I.N nods. “I aimed beside him but I-” His sobs intensify and he hides his face in his hands, almost like he’s ashamed to be seen. “I only w-wanted to scare him so we- so we could run away. But suddenly there was blood and-” Another sob breaks through his words.

Changbin hates how helpless he is, how little he can do to help I.N. Not having been present when the incident happened, he can’t provide any words of comfort the way Mirror does. All he can do is try his best to be there for I.N. “Do you want a hug?” Changbin feels almost stupid for offering this. It feels so trivial and out of place when I.N is having a breakdown over injuring another human, but if I.N finds any comfort in hugs he should get one.

I.N nods before all but throwing himself into Changbin’s arms. Changbin pulls him close and lets I.N cry into his shoulder. Hoping to get some answers, he looks up at Mirror. Because they had split up, he has no idea what happened to I.N, Mirror and DaN’s group.

“I’m sorry, I should have paid more attention.” Changbin’s eyes widen at Mirror’s words. Out of all the possibilities, Changbin would have never guessed for Mirror to apologise. “You shouldn’t have had to shoot in the first place. It’s my responsibility that we’re not discovered.”

“Please don’t beat yourself up.” Changbin reaches out and takes Mirror’s hand. Mirror seems a bit taken aback by the gesture, but gifts Changbin with a weak smile nonetheless. “Both of you did your best. We’re talking about a really difficult situation.” Mirror looks down but nods hesitantly; his grip around Changbin’s hand tightens a little.

“I.N, how about we practice shooting together?” Changbin offers after a beat of silence. “I know it’s difficult after what happened, but you need to improve your aim to prevent something like this. Until you feel safe shooting again, I’m sure the others will take care of that.”

“Would that be okay?” I.N carefully pulls away and looks between Changbin and Mirror.

“Of course, I.Nie,” Mirror confirms. “I’ll talk to DaN later. We can handle this.”

Still crying a bit, I.N turns to hug Mirror. Changbin uses the quiet moment to look around them. Apparently, the others decided to give them some space and go upstairs already, which Changbin is grateful for. The last thing I.N needs right now is spectators. After a moment, I.N pulls away from Mirror and starts furiously wiping his tears away.

“I have a question,” he mumbles, still sniffing. “How do you want to practice shooting with me?”

“Oh right, I should have mentioned that we have a shooting range here. Over there, actually” Changbin explains, not being able to help the little smile spreading over his face while he points at the door next to them .

“What?” Mirror looks as though Changbin had just confessed that there was a pink unicorn waiting on the other side of the wall. “Why would you have a shooting range down here?”

“To practice shooting.”

They share a blank stare. Next to them I.N bursts into a fit of giggles. Even though Changbin wasn’t trying to make I.N laugh, he’s definitely happy to have managed that. It feels like the sun suddenly peeking out between dark clouds to see I.N in a slightly better mood again.

“You can come here after school, or whenever you’re free. I have nowhere else to be.” Changbin eventually offers. “If you want, I can talk to Lee Know and come with you, DaN, and Mirror from now on. I’m sure we’ll find a way to make it all work.”

I.N nods and wipes the last bit of moisture away from his cheeks. “Thanks, you two.” A smile blooms on his face as he looks at them. Changbin and Mirror say their respective “You’re welcome” before helping I.N to his feet and going to look for the others together.

[-]

The meeting is mind-numbing as always. So many numbers and details that none of them is going to convey to their respective units anyways. That in addition to the same sequence of events Stray Kids always has. Younghyun would be annoyed, but he knows this is a necessity. Though usually Sergeant Park is… calmer. Today he seems more tense than usual. Maybe something did happen?

“Unfortunately, Stray Kids have escaped again,” Sergeant Park announces with a stern voice. So everything went as usual after all? “However, we know that they were still present at the crime scene when we arrived. A member of the battle team – Private Jeon Jungkook, unit A – has been wounded during an encounter with I.N.”

Oh god. Immediately, murmuring and whispering fills the room. Now that Younghyun looks around, he realizes that Jimin isn’t at the meeting. He must be at the hospital with Jungkook then. Hopefully it isn’t a severe injury.

“We have no information on whether I.N has been wounded too.” Sergeant Park’s voice has become louder, rings over the commotion in the room and makes everyone pay attention again. “I would like the investigation team to pay special attention to any signs for that. The report is complete. You may ask questions now.”

“How is Private Jeon doing?” A Lance Corporal of the investigation team yells over the noise that has erupted in the meeting room once again.

“So far, we haven’t received an update from Lance Corporal Park. But the injury does not seem to be life threatening. You’ll be updated on the situation as soon as we know more.”

More murmuring fills the room. Younghyun doubts anyone is still listening to Sergeant Park closing the meeting, saying that aside from the injury there were no special occurrences and so on. As soon as the meeting ends, Younghyun pushes past the others and makes his way out into the hallway. Almost automatically, he leaves their division’s rooms and goes up the fire escape staircase to the small rooftop at the westside of the building. His personal little hide out with the best view in the entire DIT. Younghyun takes a deep breath before pulling out his phone. After he dials and presses the phone against his ear, the usual wait follows while Liam gets up from his desk, goes into the hallway, to the old copy room and he’s there.

“Hey, babe. Are you okay?” It’s so lovely just hearing Liam’s voice, especially after a mission when Younghyun feels numb and tired. Hearing Liam feels like getting wrapped up in a warm blanket.

“Hey,” Younghyun mutters. “Yeah, I’m fine, don’t worry.”

“Do you know who was injured yet?”

Younghyun looks out into the distance, over the buildings down the street, none of which are tall enough for anyone there to see him on the rooftop. This place feels so at peace it’s hard to believe this is actually part of the DIT. “He’s from the battle team. One of Bam’s friends.”

“Will he make it?”

“Most likely yeah. But I should still be there for Bambam now.” The realisation hits Younghyun like a punch in the face. “Fuck, I’ll have to tell him one of his best friends is in hospital.” Shit, how is he supposed to do that? Bambam probably doesn’t know what’s up yet. And they don’t have any real information on Jungkook’s condition.

“Okay calm down. You can do it. Just be careful and be there for your unit. Let them know that it’s okay to be shocked and take their time to process everything.”

“Right,” Younghyun mutters. “Maybe I should offer Bambam to drive him to the hospital.”

“Good idea, I’m sure he’d appreciate that.” Liam’s voice is a bit softer now. Younghyun can’t help but smile, already knowing what’s to come. “What about you? Are you sure you’re okay?”

“Yeah. Stressed and exhausted, but okay. I’ll live. Pinkie swear.” Smiling, he lifts his pinkie into the air. In another corner of the city, Liam is doing the same right now, Younghyun knows it.

“Pinkie swear.” The smile on Liam’s face is bright enough to be heard through the phone. Younghyun can see it in his mind as though Liam is right in front of him. It warms Younghyun’s heart just from thinking about it.

“What do you think of pizza for dinner?” Liam asks.

“A lot.” Younghyun hadn’t realized how hungry he was, and the prospect of pizza is great motivation for making it through the rest of the day.

“Great, then I’ll get us pizza when I’m done here. You be your amazing self and go take care of your unit. I’ll see you at home.”

Younghyun closes his eyes, just enjoys those words. Even after all those years, the last sentence still makes Younghyun feel fuzzy and warm. Home. He has a home with Liam. “See you at home.” After the call ends and Younghyun’s phone is back in his pocket, he allows himself another deep breath of fresh air before rushing downstairs and to his unit’s room. Talking to Liam is like getting a fresh battery. He always knows exactly what to say to give Younghyun strength.

[-]

Changbin never thought knocking on Jisung’s door could be this hard. They’ve been friends for years, it’s ridiculous for him to be a nervous wreck just thinking about talking to Jisung. He was so upset after their fight… Hurting Jisung was really the last thing Changbin wanted and it’s horrible that this is hanging over them like a storm cloud now. Since Changbin asked Jisung if he’s happy with Lee Know, Jisung has been avoiding Changbin like the plague. They haven’t talked one bit beyond what was required for the mission. Things cannot stay this way. They need to talk about what happened. Or rather Changbin needs to get his shit together and apologise for overstepping Jisung’s boundaries. After another moment of mental preparation, Changbin finally knocks.

Jisung is half sitting half lying on his bed and watching videos on his phone when Changbin enters. His expression stays frozen when he looks at Changbin over his phone. As happy and adorable as Jisung can be most of the time, he’s kind of scary when he’s angry. It’s also very clear Jisung isn’t planning on giving Changbin more attention than is absolutely necessary. The phone stays right there in his hand and he doesn’t even bother greeting Changbin, but Changbin isn’t going to let that stop him.

“Can we talk?”

“If we have to.”

Changbin just barely holds back a sigh. He really should have expected a reply like that. Jisung can be as cold as ice when he wants to. “Jisung, I’m here to apologise.” Luckily, that seems to do the trick since Jisung finally puts his phone aside and sits up.

“I’m listening.”

Changbin sits down on the bed across from Jisung. The fact that Jisung is actually looking at him now doesn’t make this easier. His expression doesn’t let any bit of emotion show and now that he isn’t holding his phone anymore, he has his arms crossed in front of his chest. “I’m sorry for asking all those stupid questions the other day. I shouldn’t have doubted Lee Know’s feelings for you like that. As your friend I should support you instead of getting caught up in my imagination. If you’re content with your relationship then I’m happy for you.”

“Things are going great between me and Lee Know. I wouldn’t want to change a thing.” Finally, Jisung doesn’t seem quite as hostile anymore. He even smiles a little bit. “Thanks for the apology. Even though it feels like you should apologise to Lee Know rather than me. Hyung, you really need to learn to trust him.”

Trusting him… Changbin doesn’t know if he can really do that. Jisung may be convinced but Changbin isn’t. Something about Lee Know’s behaviour is off. Changbin has to respect Jisung’s decision, that doesn’t mean he has to like it or even consider it good. “That’s difficult. I barely know him…”

“Yeah, Lee Know is a tough nut to crack,” Jisung admits with a smile. “But he’s worth the effort, not just because of me. Plus, if we want to work together as a team you need to trust Lee Know as a leader.”

“I’ll try my best.” Changbin honestly doesn’t know how he’s supposed to do that. Chan has always been their leader. Suddenly taking orders from someone else is… weird. But Jisung is right, he needs to be more open about the new situation. He never gave Lee Know a proper chance to prove himself. Lee Know may be questionable as a boyfriend, but that doesn’t mean he’s a bad leader too.

Jisung smiles and shifts closer towards Changbin. “Pinkie swear?” Seeing the usual bright smile on Jisung’s face already makes all the struggling worthwhile. For Jisung, Changbin can make an effort to trust Lee Know.

Smiling, Changbin accepts the pinkie Jisung offers him. “Pinkie swear.”

[-]

“Welcome back,” Mark greets Younghyun as soon as he enters the room. Everyone is gathered around the table, getting their well-deserved rest after the mission. “Everything as usual?”

“Let me guess,” Bambam joins in. “Stray Kids escaped without a trace, but the investigation team is going to do their best to find anything.” His voice is straight up theatrical as he says the last half of the sentence.

Younghyun wishes he could just agree and joke around with them, but sadly that’s not the case today. “Not quite, no.” Jisu immediately sits up straight, alerted despite not having been there during the mission. Everyone else seems to have noticed the shift in mood too and turns their full attention to Younghyun. It’s probably best not to beat around the bush, just rip the band aid off. “Jungkook has been injured-”

All colour drains from Bambam’s face. “What?” He looks like he wants to say something, like a thousand questions are running through his head, trying to beat each other for the finish line but ending up tripping over themselves right in front of it. Everyone is focused on Bambam now, they all know how close Bambam and Jungkook are.

“We don’t know what exactly happened, but Sergeant Park said the injury isn’t life threatening.” Younghyun tries to clear things up a little. The atmosphere in their room stays tense nonetheless, which was to be expected.

“Can we see him?”

“I don’t know. There hasn’t been any update yet,” Younghyun admits. “But if you want, I can drive you to the hospital.”

“Our shift-” Bambam starts.

“Screw the shift.” Mark’s words seem to be exactly what everyone in the room had been thinking. They all nod along, even their workaholic Jisu. “You’re in no condition to work anyways.”

“Agreed,” Younghyun says. “This must be a shock. You should take your time now.”

Bambam nods. “Did someone go with Kook?”

“Yeah, Jimin is with him.” At least Younghyun can provide a bit of comfort in that regard. Jungkook isn’t alone. He is being cared for and supported.

“Okay…” Bambam still looks lost. And worried. Younghyun probably can’t even begin to imagine what he must feel like right now.

“Do you want us to come to the hospital with you?” Yubin offers. Her talent to stay calm in the most difficult situations has always fascinated Younghyun. Though right now, he’s grateful above everything else.

“I don’t think I can wait there. I’d go crazy.” Bambam leans back in his chair. He seems to get lost in his thoughts as soon as he stops talking.

“Maybe you can call Jimin and ask him to keep you updated?” Jisu’s voice sounds a little weird; her tone isn’t usually this tense. When Younghyun looks over at her, he can’t help but notice how irritated she seems. He really should have paid better attention to her instead of only focusing on Bambam. After all she’s still new to this and hearing about someone being injured must be a shock. It’s one thing to know their job is dangerous, but the reality of it usually doesn’t hit for newbies until something like this happens.

“That’s a great idea, Jisu.” Younghyun’s words make her smile a little, but it’s obvious the situation has taken a toll on her. It would probably be best to talk to her in private later on and make sure she’s doing fine.

Bambam nods absentmindedly before turning towards Mark. “It’s been way too long since we went out for a drink.” Definitely not the best way to handle this. But Bambam is an adult and at least he isn’t drinking alone.

“Sounds great, we can call Yugyeom and the others too if you want.”

“Yeah.” Bambam gives him a weak smile before turning towards the rest of the group. “Thanks everyone.”

[-]

Felix is snuggled up in a blanket on the windowsill of the bay window in his room, eyes looking out into the garden without really seeing anything when a knock rips him out of his thoughts. “Come on in.”

It’s Minho – obviously. “We have to talk.” Fuck, something’s wrong. Having to talk is never a good thing. Felix throws another wistful gaze out of the window before turning his attention back to Minho and gesturing for him to come over. Part of him wishes he would have slipped out of the room before Minho closed the door behind himself. Whatever it’s about, Felix is really not keen on having this conversation if Minho uses that tone paired with the serious look on his face.

“So what’s up with that necklace?” Minho’s voice is stern, and his face has that cold, professional expression as he sits down on the windowsill too. Felix really should have left when he still had the chance. He remains quiet, just looks at the pendant resting on top of his shirt. "Why is it so important?” Minho continues. “You wear it all the time, even during training. I saw the chain peak out from underneath your collar. I’m guessing you wear it during our missions too?" Having the feeling that Minho already knows the answer, Felix quietly looks up at his brother. A single look at Minho confirms Felix’s fear. Sighing, Minho shakes his head. “I keep telling everyone to leave personal stuff at home during missions and you bring this necklace?”

“I have it under my clothes. And even if I lose it, it’s not like I can be identified through it. I didn’t buy it myself, Hyung. It’s fine.” Felix tries his best to sound convincing, but it sounds like a hollow explanation when their safety is at stake. Minho looks beyond annoyed, which is understandable. Wearing that necklace is stupid and Felix knows it, but Felix can’t help it.

“Then who?” Felix knows Minho isn’t going to be happy when he finds out. And he really doesn’t want to elaborate on the circumstances, but Minho will figure out who gave him the necklace anyways.

“Nine.”

Minho sighs as though he expected this but had hoped for a different answer. It was painfully obvious though. Afterall, who but Chris would give Felix a necklace? And whose gifts would Felix cling to like this? It’s not like Felix has a lot of close relationships outside of Stray Kids. "I know what you think," Felix mumbles. "And I know what you want to say, but I won't get rid of it and you can't make me."

"I wasn't going to make you get rid of it." Minho's voice is suddenly heavy with emotion and so gentle. It’s like all the annoyance melted away and left only the core of worry. Sadly, this keeps happening lately. Minho has so much else to do already, Felix hates that he’s another burden to him. "I'm just worried about you. Having a memory of Nine with you all the time, I just don’t think it will do you any good. If you... if you want me to watch over it for you, I will."

“No, I…” Felix only now realises he’s been fumbling with the pendant. “I want to keep it close to myself.” He almost adds ‘It’s comforting’ but stops himself. Even though Minho wouldn’t ask any further question, the meaning of this necklace is between him and Chris. "I’d like to be alone now." Felix is almost taken aback by how drained he sounds. He wishes he could convince himself it was just because of the mission.

Minho nods and gets up from his spot. “You know you can always come to me if you need anything, right?”

“Yeah.” Minho ruffles through Felix’s hair before he heads out. Felix takes a deep breath and turns towards the garden again. As much as he appreciates Minho’s worry, he definitely won’t leave the necklace at home during missions. It’s ridiculous, but Felix feels safe when he’s wearing the necklace. Almost like Chris has his back, just like in the good old times.

[-]

The wait is beyond agonising. Jimin swallows around the lump in his throat and rubs his hands over his tired face. He can’t help all the pictures flooding his mind. The blood, Jungkook practically hanging off of Bora, the way his face twisted in pain. This isn’t the first time Jimin has seen someone get injured and things can get far worse than being shot in the leg in their job. But this feels different. Jungkook is part of his unit. In a way, Jimin is responsible for him and the others. He should have watched over them more closely, told them to be careful even though Stray Kids usually aren’t present anymore when they arrive. Jimin is well aware of how ridiculous it is to think that way. Everyone in his unit knows what they have to do without instruction. And it’s definitely best for him to stay close to Wooyoung until he has a bit more experience. Still, Jimin cannot shake off the feeling of guilt lingering in his stomach.

Jimin takes a deep breath and tries to push all the negative thoughts aside. Jungkook is going to be fine. Everything is going to be alright. Jimin can’t let those negative thoughts get to him if he wants to keep going. And he needs to keep going. Unable to stay still any longer, Jimin gets up from his seat and starts walking through the hallway. He’s still in full amour, which he had totally forgotten about until now. Sighing, he takes off his helmet and gloves and runs his hand through his hair. Jimin feels sweaty and tired after the mission. Actually, disgusting and exhausted are probably the more accurate terms. A shower and some regular clothes would be great now, but he cannot leave. In a way, Jimin feels like he owes Jungkook to stay here and wait. Jungkook shouldn’t be alone when he wakes up and in case any of his family comes here, they shouldn’t be left alone chasing after a doctor to give them any sort of information on what happened.

It’s hard to tell how much time passes, but it feels like days to Jimin. He tries to chat with a few other people passing here and there but the conversations never last long. Sleeping isn’t an option either since he needs to be awake when there’s new information about Jungkook. So he waits. And waits. And waits… It takes ages, but eventually Jimin is approached by a nurse.

“Did you accompany Private Jeon Jungkook?”

Jimin scrambles to his feet immediately. He almost trips over himself in his hurry but fortunately manages to end up stable on his feet. “Yes. Is he okay? Can I see him?”

A light smile forms on the nurse’s face. Damn, Jimin really needs to get a grip. He and Jungkook are colleagues. Nothing more, nothing less. Jimin needs to behave accordingly.

“Everything went well,” she reassures Jimin. The tension that had been building up inside of Jimin until now slowly gives way to relief. “He’s currently in the recovery room and should be back in shape in a few weeks.”

“Oh, thank goodness.” Okay, screw getting a grip. Who cares what the nurse thinks as long as Jungkook is alright. “Can you inform me when he’s awake? I’m required to talk to him and find out how exactly he was injured.”

“Of course.”

Jimin thanks the nurse and sits down again as soon as she walks away to continue her shift. Exhaustion had been pulling at Jimin way more than he had realised. Now that he has more peace of mind, he really needs to watch out that it doesn’t lull him to sleep. He needs to at least see Jungkook before he can rest. If Jimin has made it until now, he can stay awake long enough to greet Jungkook after his operation. And ask for the details for the report of course.

“Hyung!” Wooyoung’s voice has never felt like such of a blessing before. Jimin waves tiredly as Wooyoung, Bora, and Hoseok come towards him and take up the seats next to his own. “How is Jungkook?”

“He’s alright. The operation was successful and according to the nurse I just talked to, Jungkook will have recovered in a couple of weeks.”

Jimin can clearly see the moment the realisation hits his unit, because it seems like a ton of weight was lifted off of each of them. The tension leaves their bodies and careful smiles take over their faces.

“Where is he?” Bora asks. “I need to have a serious word with him about the dangers of running off too far all by himself.” After the hell of a day they had, seeing his unit laugh again feels like heaven to Jimin.

“That will have to wait,” Jimin explains. “He’s still in the recovery room.”

“Guess it’s time to go home then.” Wooyoung looks disappointed. All of them are, Jimin knows that. Of course, they had been hoping to see Jungkook and talk to him after everything that’s happened. It’s one thing to know that he’s okay, but seeing it first hand would still feel better.

“You can go home. I’ll give Jungkook your regards,” Jimin offers.

“Don’t tell me you’re going to stay here and wait?” Gosh, Jimin sure wishes he could tell Hoseok that no, of course not, he’s going to be a reasonable person and visit Jungkook tomorrow. But Jimin is not planning on being reasonable with this. “It might take hours until Jungkook is in his room and even then, he’ll be sleeping.”

“Your point?”

“My point-” Hoseok sighs- “is that you need to go home, take a shower and sleep. You look like you went through a grinder.”

“You’re one to talk.” It’s true, all of them look exhausted after today. They always do after missions. Though unlike the countless other times they’ve joked around, Hoseok doesn’t seem to appreciate the joke. “Thank you very much. But I don’t want Jungkook to be alone when he wakes up.”

“If you want one of us can take over,” Bora suggests. Both Hoseok and Wooyoung nod in agreement. As much as Jimin appreciates their offer – and their worry about him – he doesn’t want any of them to take his spot. He’s the Lance Corporal of this unit. It’s his responsibility to watch after everyone and care for their wellbeing. At least that’s what Jimin tells himself, that it’s because of his job and not because of Jungkook in particular.

“That’s very nice of you guys but I can’t accept that. I want to be there for Jungkook.”

“Don’t tell me you feel guilty for what happened?” Sometimes it seems like Hoseok can read his damn mind. Logically speaking, it’s probably the five years of working together, but still.

Wooyoung’s eyes widen when Jimin doesn’t reply. “Jimin-ah, that’s ridiculous,” he joins in. “Jungkook knew what he was doing. It’s not your fault he was injured.”

“I know that, but it doesn’t change anything. No matter what you guys say, I won’t go home until I’ve talked to Jungkook. You’re free to join me if you want.”

Wooyoung wants to protest again but Bora stops him with a hand on his arm. Jimin is glad she realises that he can’t be talked out of staying here because it saves him a lot of talking. “Is there any other way we can help?”

“You can call Bambam. He and a few others called me to ask about Jungkook. I think they all went out together to distract themselves while waiting. Just tell Bambam that the operation went well and Jungkook will be fine, he’ll spread the news.”

“Roger that,” Bora sighs, getting up from her chair and starting to fish for her phone in her handbag while walking down the hallway.

“So dinner?” Jimin turns around to find Wooyoung looking at him. “I’m pretty sure they have a cafeteria or something like that here. I can check if they’re still open.”

The look in Wooyoung’s eyes already tells Jimin he won’t accept a no. He can’t even blame Wooyoung for that since he knows he’d do exactly the same if their positions were reversed.

“Yeah, dinner would be great.”

“On my way,” Wooyoung chimes. He immediately gets up and hurries away. Already halfway down the hallway, he turns around and continues to walk backwards. “And don’t even think of giving me money. It’s on me.”

Jimin laughs but gives Wooyoung a thumbs up nonetheless.

“So.” Hoseok slides over to the seat right next to Jimin. Something already tells Jimin he’s up to no good. “You’re staying here because you don’t want Kook to be alone when he wakes up?”

That tone. What’s up with Hoseok’s tone? He sounds so smug, like there’s some sort of secret involved. Fucking shit.

Jimin sighs. “How about you skip whatever detour you were going to take and just tell me what you’re trying to get at.”

“You like Jungkook.”

Hoseok sounds so convinced, Jimin can’t help but burst out laughing. “What?” How did Hoseok get to that conclusion? Are people not allowed to care for their colleagues anymore? Just because he tries to be there for Jungkook he’s bound to have romantic feelings for him?

“I’ve had my suspicions before,” Hoseok explains with a smile. “But today confirmed it.”

Jimin snorts and shakes his head. He needs to get Hoseok away from this theory somehow. “Because I don’t want him to be alone?”

“Because you’re dead set on staying right by his side and taking care of him. Come on, I’m not dumb.”

“Debatable.” Hoseok rolls his eyes, which makes Jimin grin. “But you’re wrong about this. Jungkook is my colleague and my friend. That’s it.”

Hoseok’s face turns into a playful scowl when he leans closer. “You sure?”

“Absolutely sure.” Despite Jimin’s words, Hoseok doesn’t seem to quite believe him. Though apparently, he realised that he’s not getting anywhere with this, so he switches to a different topic. Soon Bora returns from her phone call and tells them how relieved Bambam and the others were to hear that Jungkook is fine. A bit later Wooyoung returns with food for Jimin and drinks for all of them. With dinner and chattering and all, Jimin loses track of how long they sit together like that. When it eventually gets late, everyone tries to convince Jimin to leave with them. Jimin refuses once again and tries his best to ignore the smug look Hoseok gives him. Who cares what Hoseok thinks anyways? Jimin knows he isn’t staying here because he has a crush on Jungkook. He just wants to be there for a colleague and friend.

[-]

Felix leans against the window. His legs are folded against his chest and he's still staring at the pendant in his hands while tracing it with his fingers. He hasn’t taken the necklace off even once since he got it. Felix wore it during training, during missions, even in the shower. Back when Chris was still with them, whenever Felix would adjust the necklace or take off his shirt, revealing the necklace around his neck, Chris would always have the warmest of smiles on his face. There was always something so soft about the way Chris would wrap his arms around Felix’s waist, pull him closer and kiss him. The necklace has always been their thing, their promise.

"I have something for you." Chris whispered. Until now, Felix had been drawing little circles and curves on Chris’ warm skin with his index finger. Feeling curious, he lifted his head from Chris' chest to look at him.

"A kiss?"

“That too if you want, but it’s not what I meant. Wait and see.” God, Chris is so sweet to get him a present just like that. Felix could feel a smile tugging at the corners of his lips while Chris shifted closer towards his nightstand. Chris was smiling too when he opened the top drawer and took out a small, shallow box. It was dark blue with a golden string around it – the colours of Felix’s mask. That detail might have seemed small, but it felt so personal and considerate it filled Felix with warmth already. He sat up and straddled Chris’ lap before accepting the box. Chris brought his hand up to Felix’s thighs, tracing little patterns on his skin the way Felix had done with him before. Smiling, Felix pulled at the golden cord. More as teasing than actual hesitation, Felix allowed himself a moment of looking at Chris rather than taking off the lid. It was almost unreal how good Chris looked just leaning back against the headrest shirtless and with tousled silver coloured hair.

Chris smiled and scratched the side of his neck. “What?” It was cute how easily he got shy.

“Nothing,” Felix muttered. “Just appreciating how breath-taking my boyfriend is.”

“Ahh no.” Chris immediately covered his face with his hands, but it didn’t hide how red his ears got. No matter how many times it happened, Chris just couldn’t seem to get used to compliments, which was adorable. Felix loved complimenting his boyfriend and seeing the mixture of embarrassment and feeling loved and flattered. He carefully put the box aside and leaned closer.

“Don’t hide, please.” Chris peeked at him through his fingers. “You won’t be able to see my reaction if you keep covering your face.” That seemed to do the trick. After Chris put his hands aside again, Felix placed a kiss on Chris’ cheek, picked up the box again and finally removed the lid.

The first look inside the box made Felix’s heart skip a beat. On top of an elegant looking black padding lay a small golden pendant attached to a delicate golden chain. The pendant consisted of a thin ring with a star stretching over its middle. It was a compass. “Chris…” Felix looked at his boyfriend again, basked in the happy glow in Chris’ eyes. “Chris, it’s beautiful.”

With a bright smile on his face, Chris pushed himself up on his arms and came closer to Felix. “You like it?”

“Like it? I love it!” Felix slung his arms around Chris’ neck and kissed him over and over and over again. They almost tumbled over and fell back onto the bed; Chris just barely caught them before they could lose their balance. Their kisses slowly gave way to soft giggles. “Thank you so much…”

“Do you want me to help you put it on?” Chris’ voice was low and husky, the way it tended to get when they were making love. Judging by the little smirk on his plump lips, Chris knew exactly what he was doing to Felix by talking like that. It was rare for Chris to intentionally try to be sexy. Most of the time, it happened unintentionally and especially when they were training together. He would brush his hair back, groan while they were stretching or look at Felix with an intensity that knocked the breath out of Felix’s lungs and generally be the hottest person on earth without even trying.

“Yes please,” Felix confirmed with a smile. Chris picked up the necklace and leaned closer, which made Felix’s heart race. Yes, Chris definitely knew what kind of effect he had on Felix. There was no other explanation for this.

“Do you want to know why I picked a compass?” Chris murmured while closing the clasp and adjusting the necklace around Felix’s neck. His voice was like molten chocolate, his breath like a warm summer breeze as it fanned across Felix’s skin before Chris kissed Felix’s cheek.

“Why?” It was surprising Felix could even get out a straight word considering how lost he was gazing into Chris’ eyes. Everything about Chris was just so mesmerizing. Felix could never seem to get enough of him.

Chris took a deep breath and met Felix’s gaze. Somehow, Felix got the feeling that whatever Chris was about to say had been very well thought through. Just that idea made Felix’s heart beat even faster. "Because you’re the North Pole and I’m the needle.” Chris whispered. His voice was so filled with emotion Felix almost couldn’t bear it. “I'm always drawn to you. No matter how far apart we are, I will always find the way to you."

It felt like the world came to a stop. Rapid beating filled Felix’s ears as he opened his mouth but couldn’t find any words to say. He tried a few times but eventually resorted to throwing his arms around Chris’ neck and hugging him tightly. Chris held him close as though he was a precious treasure to be protected. It was fascinating how Chris always made Felix feel so warm and loved, like he was the centre of Chris’ world. Considering his earlier words, maybe Felix was.

Tears fill Felix’s eyes, just like back then. But now Chris isn’t there to card a hand through his hair and mutter “I love you.” into his ear. Felix’s arms are empty. His heart aches, but it’s not the lovely pain from back then. Gulping, Felix locks his hand around the pendant and closes his eyes. “I love you too,” Felix whispers into the silence of his room. “I love you so much.”

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txe-hyungs · 4 years

Text

King’s Orders | V - Teaser

In a world where demons overrule the humans, scaring them into living in the shadows, Y/N starts making stupid decisions. Who will be the one to save her? They say that a demon is just an angel with its wings’ clipped.

hey! this is my first ever fic and is just an idea that came to my head whilst i was terribly sleep deprived, i’m super scared to post so please don’t hate too much 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

!trigger warning! : mentions of suicide at the beginning.

female!reader x demon!taehyung, romance, fluff, fantasy, dystopia, possible smut in later chapters

In the city of Kiborne, there was a distinct segregation between the demons and the humans (or as they were also known, the ‘weak’). The demons prospered, all expenses and needs granted to them by the meer humans who were to work beneath them. They were socialites who had nothing to worry about other than whatever garment was currently in fast fashion and what party they would be attending next. This isn’t to say that humans were being hunted or killed without reason, they were just in their place on the hierarchy that the demons established many moons ago.

And the deep in the maze of the Kiborne Slums, was Y/N. A girl who (just like demon law states) attended school — she was to do so until 21 years of age — kept her head down and woefully continued life.

Not tonight.

You were ready to give it all up. Sick of this king and monarchy in charge of the social status. Sick of inequality. You were tired of this world and its lack of opportunities. You weren’t going to give the demons this final choice. This would be your own choice.

So there you stood, ready to fall into lake beneath you. Ready to let the silky, smooth water envelope you and whisk you away. This won’t take long, you thought.

“I wouldn’t do that, if I were you.”

And suddenly, you’re turned to face a hardened, withered old woman. Her face was soft, eyes somber, and her lips twitching as if she’s been waiting to talk to you for a while.

“And who are you to tell me that?” You retorted, frustration laced in your words. This woman didn’t look like she worked in the capital city with you. You’d never seen her face around. The city walls felt small once you’d lived in them for a lifetime.

“Well, my dear. As cheesy as it sounds, I’m your Guardian Angel. But I’ll happily take the name Mabel. It’s what all the kids call me,” Mabel chuckles and tucks a length of ratty, white hair behind her ear.

“Excuse me? G-guardian angel? That can’t be a real thing.”

“And demons aren’t real?” Mabel quips cleverly. “Magic is so very real in this world, my dear. It’s what separates the humans from the rest of us. There’s more than just demons out there, but we run in a thin herd these days.” You look down at the water, the reflection changing into a sinister black.

“There’s more of you?” You query, unsure whether you’re just seeing things, or whether this is all true. “How come you’ve never shown up before now?”

“Because I’ve been simply not needed by you. You see, dearie, there’s a rich history to demons and angels that you’ve yet to learn. Not all of this propaganda nonsense that they teach you in school.”

Y/N stays silent and watches the water swirl beneath her, the lake contorting into images and colours around the pair. Mabel lifts a wrinkled finger and begins to paint the picture more clearly.

“Many millennia ago... Demons and Angels lived quietly.. peacefully, next to the humans as their equal. Whilst we had our differences, we accepted this was a part of the world and kept our distance. We served our purpose and helped the humans, and they kept from taking anyone as their prey. You see.. a demon does not necessarily need a human’s soul to survive. Unless they...”

“Unless what?” Y/N interrupts anxiously.

“Oh, look at me rambling! Sometimes I get too excited and just blurt the whole damn story out! Now where was I?...” the Angel scratched her head. “Oh yes! So we were all equals once upon a time. But one dark night... the demons form a rebellion against mankind. Lives were taken, fatalities reached thousands... but the humans eventually lost. And as for us angels... we could never match the power of a single demon. Our purpose is to serve and protect the humans... to which we failed this dark night.”

“They killed us? What for?” You knew demons were a dark and disturbing bunch. But you’d never known anything of a war. The classes you and your friends had attended in the city never taught you anything of the like. Did they cover it up over time?

“Demons are dominant creatures. As they say, darkness will find every crevice to creep into and take over. They like to have their place at the top of the food chain, they’re afraid of being wiped out, Y/N. Survival is their only way of life.” Mabel’s eyes intensified as the images splashed and crashed around them - images of war, destruction and bloodshed around them. The images disturbed you to your very core.

“And why are you telling me all of this?” You blurted, a prominent question in your mind as the images fell back into a watery, malleable state.

“As I said before, dearie, I’m here to save your life. I want you to know that you’re worth more than just sitting down and staying silent. I think you’re strong enough to change this world for the better. To make humans and demons see eye-to-eye again. Your soul is strong and powerful. You just don’t know your true purpose yet, and I’m here to help you.”

“H-how could I help make humans and demons equal? You say it’s been this way for thousands of years! What can a lowly peasant girl like me do to stop all of this?” You exclaimed, exasperated. Your hands drop to your sides in defeat.

“That, my dear, is for you to figure out,” Mabel waved her hand. “Come, young one. It’s time we go back to the city. There’s someone you are soon to meet.”

The old lady placed a comforting hand on your back, before you were suddenly transported to your familiar, dingy bedroom. The moonlight peeked through the curtains daringly, caressing your tired face. As you grew familiar with your surroundings, you’d noticed Mabel was now gone, and you were all alone. You rubbed your eyes.

Did that really happen? You thought. Maybe it was a bad dream. All you knew was that maybe Mabel was right. Maybe there was a small fire in the bottom of your heart, and you just needed something to ignite it.

“The moon looks beautiful tonight. Do you agree, Taehyung?” said a soldier and dear friend - Hoseok - to the king sat before him. King Taehyung would often sit and watch the bubbling and sleepless city around him, the subjects and humans alike pottering around to their own accord.

“We are dark creatures; of course we are attracted to the moon and the glistening night sky, Hoseok,” the King quipped quickly. “What are you doing in my quarters? Bored of using those human girls to fulfill your needs?”

The older man chuckled at this, “I know when I’m not wanted. Humans are fun. Your dad wouldn’t like you to think of them as equals to us.”

“I’m not my father,” Taehyung snaps hurriedly. “I’ve been in these palace walls my whole life. There’s no reason for me to feel anything other than jealousy towards the humans. Even in their little bird cages, they still find hope. How can that be possible?”

Hoseok seemed to be surprised by this question. He’d known Taehyung ever since he was a young trainee soldier, they’d practically grew up together. He knew he wasn’t allowed to see the city — always forbidden to be seen, as the new king with a face was a target, so his father had always said. Hoseok, however, could go outside. He saw the fear in the humans’ eyes every time he would set his eyes upon them. He liked the dominance. Hoseok would often take a particularly beautiful human back to his luxe apartment to use as he pleased.

But Taehyung’s question reverberated in his mind and took him by surprise. Is there a reason to hate humans? He wasn’t too sure of the answer himself.

“You know what,” Hoseok breathed. “Tonight... Let’s go into the city. No one knows what you look like, Your Highness. You want to see the city so bad? You want to see why there has to be a hierarchy? Let us go. A true King is only as happy as his subjects, are they not?”

Taehyung’s doe brown eyes snapped up in surprise, a brow quirking upwards, “Then what are we waiting for?”

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mymoodwriting · 4 years

Text

The Choice Is Yours

F!Reader x Vampire!Yuta

Genre: Vampire Dystopia

Warning: Blood, Collars, Electrocution

Words: 2.8K

Chapters:

Prompt: Good behavior goes a long way when a new world order is established within hours and humans wind up at the bottom of the food chain. As luck would have it you were claimed by a vampire named Yuta, so you’re saved in a sense. Many would say you’re in a rather unique situation, and despite its perks it wasn’t really something you asked for.

You stared out the window for a while. The big open space looked like freedom, you’d probably think it was, but you knew it wasn’t. As a human the planet was practically a cage, even to those who lived in this faux form of freedom out who knows where. The idea of humans fighting back, you went back and forth on whether that was possible. You didn’t know if keeping hope was a good idea, it hurt more than give relief. The longer you stared out the window the more anxious you started to feel as these thoughts took hold.

The collar around your neck started to feel as if it was getting tighter, making it so you couldn’t breath. You fell to your knees, grabbing it, wishing you could remove it. The second you tugged at it sent a wave of electricity through your body, causing you to scream and collapse to the floor. Now more than ever you wanted the damn thing off but every time you tugged at it again the shock was worse. You were freaking out to say the least.

“Are you alright?”

You yelled, seeing an unfamiliar person approaching you. They didn’t seem hostile but were making things worse nonetheless. You scrambled back, trying to get on your feet, but still shaking from the shocks. Eventually you bumped into someone else, looking up only to know you were in more trouble.

“What are you doing!” Yuta pulled you to your feet. “Did you think I wouldn’t know if you tried to take that collar off? Or that it would be so easy? Answer me! What were you thinking!”

Yuta was shaking you, yelling, and all you could do was sob. You didn’t mean to disobey or seem like you were trying to escape, you just needed to breathe. So of course Yuta yelling at you wasn’t helping.

“I’m sorry!” You cried. “I just needed to breathe! The collar felt-”

While you pleaded, rambling about what was going through your head, Yuta got a good look at your eyes. You were scared and pleading, the pain clear through the tears. He also got a good look at your neck, your skin under the collar was a little burned. You were freaking out and he was only making things worse.

“Ya, ya, sh, sh, sweetheart breathe.” You tried to calm down. “I didn’t mean to yell at you, I was just worried when I was told your collar went off.”

“Sorry…”

“No, no it’s my fault. You didn’t want to leave the house in the first place. Sit.” He set you down on a bench in the hall. “I’ll take the collar off.”

“Yuta-”

“Shut it, Johnny.”

“I’m just-”

“This is gonna sting a little okay.”

You nodded. In order to remove the collar he needed to scan his finger along the front of it. The collar actually tightened around your neck and you felt a sting before it clicked and Yuta removed it. You rubbed your neck, wincing over the pain. Yuta took your hands.

“Easy, you burned yourself a bit. Let’s go treat it.”

He led you around the house, he clearly knew the place well, so it wasn’t his first time. You came to a bedroom, and he went into the private bathroom. The room wasn’t luxurious like the rest of the house, it was simple, just the bare essentials really.

“We don’t keep much for humans in this house, but I have some burn cream stored away.”

“Why don’t you have servants here?”

“Taeyong doesn’t like keeping humans around for the sake of the little ones, doesn’t want to tempt them. He does have servants though, their all halfbreeds though.”

“So halfbreeds aren’t equals to you?”

“It’s more complicated than that. We can talk about it some other time.”

Yuta gently rubbed the lotion along your neck. The cold helped bring some relief. You leaned into his touch, you wish you hadn’t caused so much trouble, but despite his words you didn’t like being in this place.

“Dinner will start soon, we can just hang out here till then.”

“Okay… is this your old room?”

“Yeah, how did you know?”

“You said you stored some burn cream… it was a lucky guess…”

“Well you got it right.”

“So you used to live here?”

“Yes, a long time ago, back in what you could call my infancy. Eventually though I moved out to where I live now. Many of us eventually move out.”

“You must be very old…”

“Indeed.”

“Sorry…” You touched your neck. “I didn’t mean to cause problems.”

“It’s my fault, but I do want you to get along and meet my family. I would have held off but Taeyong insisted on meeting you sooner.”

“I understand. I promise to behave at dinner.”

“I know you’ll do your best.”

You stayed in silence for a while, leaning your head against his shoulder. Eventually there was a knock at the door and someone said everyone was being called to the dinner table. You were nervous to meet the rest of Yuta’s family, but you had no choice in the matter. Yuta took your hand and led you to the dining hall. It was big, high ceiling, as expected, and there was a long table, you couldn’t even count the chairs at first glance, you just knew there was a lot.

You sat down next to Yuta, a few of the other chairs occupied as well. They were talking among themselves and you kept your head down. You were a guest at the table, and you certainly didn’t have anything to talk about that would make good conversation. All the seats slowly filled up, and then the food served. It smelled amazing, but you were too nervous to reach for anything. Yuta laughed, realizing you were frozen in place and filled your plate for you. You quietly thanked him, although everyone at the table probably heard. You started off slow but you were hungry.

“So this is y/n?”

“Yes. You’ve met her before.”

When your name was mentioned you stopped eating, utensil still in your mouth. You didn’t recognize the person speaking about you, but apparently they’ve met you better. You didn’t know anyone at this table that wasn’t Yuta, Xiaojun, or YangYang. You lowered your utensils, now feeling like all eyes were on you.

“Y/n, this is Taeyong, he’s-”

“One of the seven…”

Now it really got quiet, and it became clear you really weren’t supposed to know that. You wished you had the option to leave the table, but it would just make you look bad. Not like you had anywhere to go either.

“Yes.” Taeyong glared at Yuta. “And how would you know that?”

“I read it…”

“You read… it? The only book that would say such a thing cannot be read by your kind.”

“I can… sorta… only bits and pieces… I don’t know how I can either…”

“Interesting. I presume you occupy yourself reading some of our books then?”

“A bit, yes… just curious.”

“What have you read?”

“Um… some by Onew…”

“Ah, trying to learn about us?”

“Yes… despite everything you’ve done… your existence is quite… amazing…”

“What do you think about that anyway?” The man from before asked, Johnny. “Our take over?”

“Ah… you were very well prepared and… and I’m grateful… for your kindness…”

“I thought she was fiery and honest, Yuta?”

“As if she’d act like that in a room full of vampires and halfbreeds.” Yuta hissed. “She’s not stupid.”

“We’re not gonna hurt her. I just want to know what’s so interesting about her. So, y/n, how have you been adjusting?”

“As… as best as I can… I’ve had some… problems… but I’m one of the lucky ones… aren’t I?”

“As a home feeder, yes you are.”

Thankfully that seemed to satisfy him, besides the food was the main event not you. They all introduced themselves afterwards, a lot of names to remember. You wish you weren’t so afraid, or a stranger at the table, you might have enjoyed the big family dinner as if you were meant to be there. After dessert a few excused themselves from the table. The two boys from before, Jisung and Chenle, apologized for scaring you. With the table practically half empty some boys moved closer, but you remained by Yuta’s side, he didn’t mind, and no one else did either. Some tea was served, and it seemed those left had business to discuss.

“There’s been a total of 27 riots.” Taeyong began. “Within the last month. Thankfully not all farms world wide have had issues, but 27 is a lot nonetheless.”

“Are they all internal?” Jaehyun asked. “Or has there been some external causes?”

“You mean that pathetic excuse for a human resistance?” Sicheng laughed. “They’re scattered across the globe and are nowhere near possibly outnumbering us. They can’t make a difference.”

“Sicheng!”

“What?” He looked over at you. “Oh, I see. I’d say no offense, but honestly, full offense, those of your kind who are putting up a fight aren’t getting anywhere. They’ll either die out wherever they are or we’ll find them and assimilate them. There’s no point fighting us.”

“What…” You don’t know why you opened your mouth. “What happens to those you catch?”

“They’d be processed into our system, and make sure their injuries are treated along with any possible illnesses.”

“You hurt them!”

“No, no, no.” Doyoung said. “These humans are resistant to our help. So when we find them, they tend to fight us and they get hurt. We mean no harm to your kind darling.”

“Right…”

“How was your experience when we first found you?” Kun asked. “If you don’t mind me asking?”

“Um…”

“You can be honest. I’m truly curious, and your answer won’t get you in trouble.”

“… it was terrifying… people dropped like flies and the screaming… I thought I was gonna die…”

“Did you get hurt?”

“No… I hid and then Xiaojun found me… told me I should just come with him… so I did…”

“So it was true about you being well behaved. Smart move.”

“I suppose.”

Yuta and Xiaojun decided to go into more detail about you, and it felt like someone was telling an embarrassing story about you. After they had their laughs they continued talking about business. The worst of it was when they talked about the laborers, like they were live stock. You had to excuse yourself, telling Yuta you needed to use the restroom, he gave you directions. You didn’t actually have to go, you just needed to leave. You wandered around the halls for a while, trying to figure out what to do before you’d have to go back.

“Hello.”

“Oh… hello… Ten right?”

“Yes. Are you lost?”

“Um… I guess… just wanted some fresh air.”

“Business meetings can be boring.”

“Yeah.”

“Come on, the rest of us are in the game room, probably more fun there.”

You didn’t think too much about it and decided to follow him. He wasn’t kidding about it being a game room. The room was huge, multiple flat screens, probably all the consoles, and hundreds of games, even old board games. They were all busy with some kinda game, another boy waving you both over.

“Ya!” Haehcan yelled. “Ten, bet I can kick your ass in this game.”

“You’re on!”

Ten grabbed your hand and led you over to the couch. You stood behind them, watching them play a few rounds. They seemed to be having fun.

“I’m sorry about before.” Jisung repeated. “I didn’t mean to scare you. Chenle and I were just curious. We don’t see humans often, even before all this.”

“How come?”

“We don’t need to feed off them, and Taeyong didn’t want our curiosity to cause us to hurt them. When we become vampires though, I guess it’ll be different.”

“Wait, you’re going to become a vampire?”

“Yeah, becoming one is like a two step process. First you become a halfbreed, then a vampire.”

“Are you all halfbreeds?”

“Nah. Haechan and I aren’t.” Ten said. “We’re proper vamps.”

“So… all the halfbreed servants will become vampires too?”

“No, not them.”

“Why not?”

“It’s complicated.”

“Come on, don’t bother her with that stuff.” Jeno came over. “Wanna play a game? Anything you want, I’m sure we got it.”

“I was never one for games…”

“Then we can try something fun and easy. Overcooked.”

“Okay.”

It started with one game, and it went on for hours. You’ve never hung out with your friends like that before, and you had a lot of fun. Without the collar you felt normal, and even if you were human, they treated you like you were one of them. You had some snacks, and somewhere along the line you fell asleep. You passed out on the couch, one of the boys draping a blanket over you.

“She looks so cute sleeping.” Jaemin giggled. “Can we keep her?”

“She’s Yuta’s feeder.” YangYang reminded. “No way he is letting her stay. You guys don’t even enjoy human blood.”

“Speaking of, shouldn’t you tell Yuta she’s fallen asleep.” Mark said. “You know, so you guys can go home, or we put her in a bed for the rest of the night.”

“Right. No one better wake her up.”

YangYang left the game room, realizing that you probably weren’t supposed to be with them, so Yuta somehow forgot about you. Actually he had a pretty good idea what happened. When he walked into the dining hall there was wine at the table, most likely the stuff that can actually get a vamp intoxicated.

“Yuta.”

“Huh?” Yuta looked over. “Hey, YangYang, what’s up?”

“Did you forget something?”

“What? Hey, you should have a drink with us. Xiaojun is already pretty tipsy.”

“Um… y/n’s asleep.”

“Y/n?” Yuta’s eyes went wide. “Where is she!”

“Easy. She just fell asleep a while ago. She ended up in the game room with the rest of us. The guys just told me to ask you if we’re going home or we should put her in a bed.”

“Right… we should go, you drive.”

“No shit. I’ll get y/n and bring the limo around.”

Hendery carried you to the limo when YangYang brought it around, laying you down in the back seat. Xiaojun and Yuta came out after a while and got in the limo. Yuta found you and pulled you into his arms, kissing you awake.

“I’m so sorry I forgot about you baby, I had a couple of drinks and it all slipped away.”

“Hm…”

“I didn’t mean to forget about you, I should have been worried when you didn’t come back to the table. I’m sorry it won’t happen again.”

“Yuta…”

“I love you… I’m sorry, don’t be mad.”

Those words actually woke you up. You stared wide eyed at Yuta who was sleepily hugging you, arms wrapped tightly around your waist.

“Yuta… what did you just say?”

“Hm…”

You couldn’t get an answer, he wasn’t all there, and everything went to hell. The limo had gotten hit and was rolling, ultimately hitting a tree. You didn’t remember anything, you just opened your eyes and felt intense pain. Every part of you ached, and you looked around, seeing Yuta and Xiaojun, injured as well. Everything was wrong, bent out of shape or broken, blood and glass everywhere.

“Yuta…”

You didn’t know if screaming would do you any help. You had been out on an empty road surrounded by trees and nothing else. That meant you were probably going to die there, and that realization made you tear up.

“Yuta… Yuta please… please wake up…”

You heard footsteps outside, wondering who it could possibly be. Suddenly someone was breaking the rest of the glass from a window, and you were grabbed. It probably wasn’t the best idea to be moved from a car wreck but you had no choice, and all you could do was scream. You couldn’t make anyone out, merely feeling something pressed against your lips. You quickly recognized the taste of blood, although you couldn’t stop yourself from drinking.

“Fuck. Are you alright? We didn’t know there was a human in there.”

“What…”

“Dude we need to go before someone comes along, or those blood suckers wake up.”

“Huh?”

You were suddenly grabbed by someone else, and thrown over their shoulder. You could vaguely see the limo, your vision starting to clear up a bit. What caught your attention was the other people around the limo pouring gasoline over it and lighting a match.

“Wait… wait what are you…”

You couldn’t see much more before the movements and your injuries caused you to pass out again. You didn’t know what was going, you weren’t sure what would happen to Yuta and the others, you were scared, but for now the darkness took you.

#nct #nct 127 #yuta #xiaojun #yangyang #taeyong #johnny #jaehyun #jisung #chenle #nakamoto yuta #xiao de jun #liu yangyang #lee taeyong #seo youngho #jung yoonoh #park jisung #zhong chenle

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chibimyumi · 4 years

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【Response to this post: “What does ‘transgender’ mean?” Explanation through a Pizza and Kuroshitsuji.】

Dear Anon,

I am by no means qualified to make statements about you since I don’t know who you are, but do allow me to suggest a few ideas.

The sexuality that comes to my mind from your ask is something that falls within the spectrum of Asexuality, named ‘Graysexuality’. As for what this is... I think it might be best if you read up on it a bit more if you’re interested, because this is too broad. But for now, I think this website might be helpful.

What you experience is not mainstream at all and rather complex, so forgive me for starting this post in what seems like a “Chibi, where the hell are you trying to go to?”

⚠️Disclaimer: EVERYTHING I will say below is simply food for thought. This post is by no means an essay to convince you (or anyone else) what sexuality you are.The below are simply SOME aspects from which you can consider whether asexuality applies to you. In the end of the day, whether you are ace or not, depends entirely on whether or not you feel comfortable calling yourself as such. ⚠️

1. Enjoyment of Romance vs Participation of Romance

The role of Fiction

First of all I would like to touch upon you saying that you do enjoy reading romance in fiction, but are horrified at the idea of actively participating in a romantic relationship.

I think your “I like it, but I also hate it” is a very normal thing. Fiction is a means through which people explore possibilities that would be impossible, dangerous/scary, or undesirable in real life. That is the whole point of fiction; that we are able to experience a life that doesn’t exist for us, or to re-live a life through someone else (who is just like us, or reversely, very different). That is why fiction matters, oh, people who have not noticed yet.

Perhaps active participation of romance is to you something that is ‘undesirable’ or even ‘dangerous/scary’, and that is why you enjoy it in fiction in the same way some people like reading dystopia stories. For example: “do people want to live in Victorian England where serial murders occur and people need to fight tooth and nail just to get by?” Well, I SURE HOPE NOT! But I know my blog audience consists mostly of Kuroshitsuji readers, and yet we are all here anyway.

Q1: Now, my first question to you is: “Do you perhaps only like the ‘idea of romance’ but not ‘romance it self’? Is ‘romance’ to you personally like ‘murderous 19th century England’? Exciting in theory, but terrible in practice?”

2. Allonormativity and “the broken aces”

Allonormativity - Socialisation and Romance-crazed-society

Our society is BONKERS about romance and treats the ‘achievement of romance’ as a person’s ‘holiest achievement’. Why? Because society wants us to make BABIES. But it can be a pain in the arse (literally), and many people might actually not want it. What did society do? Tell us that we WANT IT and sell us stories of GREAT LOVE sugarcoated in ✨romance✨. (A reminder that the notion of ‘romance’ being linked to ‘marriage’, and by extent, ‘procreation’ has not always existed in human society. It is since the more recent history that humans have come to think of these things to be intrinsically connected.)

Growing up, what is the most persistent question we hear? “Do you have a Boy/Girlfriend?”, “what is your type?”, “is that your partner, or are you JUST friends?” All these questions hold assumptions that it is ‘natural’ for people to want to be in a relationship. In particular, the last phrase also contains two very loaded words, namely 1. ‘partner’, and 2. ‘just’.

Partner: When the question about ‘partner’ is raised, people usually don’t ask: “My partner in what...? Partner in crime? Partner in business?” That is because there is a silent assumption that this refers to ‘romantic partner’. If you do ask what ‘partner’ should refer to, however, the answer will be a variant on: “you know.... your PARTNER, your ‘lover’”. The word ‘partner’ is actually just a term for someone we are supposed to work in a team with. But over time, a ‘partner’ has come to be interpreted as the ONE person you want to bang AND are supposed to be ‘in a team with.’ It is assumed that “you can’t be someone’s partner if you don’t want to kiss them, and share the rest of your life with.” The suggestion that comes with this word is that ‘if you don’t have a romantic partner, you are alone.” (How often do we hear people say: “I don’t want to be alone” when they actually mean: I don’t want to NOT be in a romantic relationship?) This is also where ‘your other half’ as a term comes in; there is an assumption that you are ‘incomplete’ without someone you want to bang (and have babies with).

JUST: As I have said before in this post, the word ‘just’ is a linguistic signifier that something is ‘trivial’ or ‘less important’. In this phrase, the ‘friend’ is assumed to be “not a partner” and likewise “less important than ‘partner’”.

Where am I going with this? As we can see, growing up we have been fed great stories of romance that brainwashed us with the idea that “it is normal to want a ‘partner’, or otherwise you are without someone to be in a team with.” You will be the ‘loner’ and excluded from ‘normal society’. This is allonormativity, wherein not being romantic is condemned. This is why many people rush into relationships, and often rather stay in a bad/abusive relationship than walk away; for fear of being ‘excluded’.

“The sad, traumatised, broken aces”

The next thing I would like to throw out also as food for thought is about the knee-jerk reaction of “did something happen in the past?” when someone says they are not interested in dating or sex. There seems to be a common assumption that if someone doesn’t want ““to love and be loved””, there is something wrong with them.

I really don’t know you, so I am forced to make conclusions based on the little information from your ask. Please by ALL means ignore me if I am wrong, but this is just food for thought:

Q2: “is it possible that you suspected something was ‘wrong’ with you, but have no ‘trauma’ to explain this ‘wrongness’ about the way you feel? And did this suspicion that you are ‘abnormal’ lead you to visit a ‘doctor’, who in turn might have reinforced the idea that it is “odd to not want to be in a romantic relationship without prior trauma”? In other words; were you confronted with allonormativity but find yourself not to fit this norm? (If your doctor did instill the idea in you that it is ‘odd’ to not be romantically inclined without trauma, please tell them to educate themselves on asexuality, please. Please.)

In case it wasn’t clear what I am trying to say: someone does not need to be ‘broken’ to not (always) desire romance and/or sex.

3. Chocolate vs Water

There is a also common misconception among even the people who are familiar with the term ‘asexuality’ or ‘ace spectrum’: namely that asexuality is the same as abstinence or the absence of desire for sex/romance. This however, is very far from the truth.

I would say that sex and/or romance to allo people is like water; it is a necessity. Without water, they feel like they lack a basic life necessity to stay sane and healthy.

To ace people however, I suggest romance/sex is chocolate. Some people like chocolate, some people don’t. When someone says: “I don’t like chocolate”, they are usually met with disbelief: “WHAT, you don’t like chocolate?! What’s wrong with you?”

Ace people who DON’T like chocolate just don’t want it, and they’re not ill or something. They don’t need a sob story of how they choked on it or had an allergic reaction when they were little. These people do not have to hate on chocolate though. Perhaps it is like: “sure, chocolate looks pretty in food art, but do I want to eat it? Nah.”

Ace people who DO like chocolate eat it happily sometimes, but they will survive fine without chocolate. It’s something you must ‘feel like’. Just imagine car-sickness for now. You might love chocolate, but you might not even want to see it when you’re car-sick. You don’t ‘feel like it’.

4. Afterword

Dear Anon, I have rambled quite a lot, but I hope it is comprehensive. Again, I am not trying to impose any labels on you, I am simply trying to list and unpack a few ideas that may not have been considered yet. Again: whether or not someone is x/y/z-sexual depends on whether they feel that label fits them, after all.

To other people, perhaps it is interesting for you to consider these things too? Have you too been battered with allonormativity? Are sex and/or romance water to you, or chocolate?

Anyway, I hope this helps a little bit! (*´▽｀*)ノ

#Asexuality #aromantism #ace #romance #allonormativity #ace stigma #basically an essay

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astrozones · 5 years

Text

Sanders Behavioral Health; Chapter 5: Virgil’s Assumptions

hey gays I’m Aster and I’m actually posting woah. it’s also on ao3 which is where I post as soon as it’s out so.

uhhhh discord- Astro’s Zone

yeethaw-

ANGST AHEAD

Virgil found himself in front of the door to Roman’s house, which was, frankly, ginormous . His house was almost as dramatic as he was, for God’s sake! He shuffled around at the doorstep, working up the courage to ring the doorbell.

He just had to force himself to do it! Just reach out and press the button, no regrets!

He pushed the button.

Regrets.

Roman had probably been kidding- right? They weren’t even friends yet, why would he have invited him? Well, technically Patton had invited Virgil and Logan to Roman’s house, which was confusing in itself, but that wasn’t the point, the point was-

The door opened, Roman standing in front of him with a smile, but was quickly pushed aside as Patton launched at Virgil, trapping him in a hug.

“MY SON HAS ARRIVED~” Patton shouted, arms tight around Virgil. Roman looked amused.

“I- ok I guess we’re doing the son thing- erm, can I breathe? Please?” He wheezed out. Patton let him go, cheery disposition not faltering in the slightest.

“Patton got here about 10 minutes ago, Logan has yet to arrive,” Roman started. “You’re welcome to come in.”

“Ah, right.” Virgil skirted around the boys and into the house. He looked around.

It had a very, well, home-ly feel to it. The windows allowed a few streams of light into the room, and a viewing of the sunset. The floor was mostly carpeted, from what he could see, and he was standing on the few bits of wooden floor there were. He assumed he was supposed to take his shoes off- or, wait, what if he was wrong?

“I think I understand why you’re so dramatic, now.” He said bluntly, turning to face Roman, who looked sheepish.

“Yeah, this place is pretty dramatic. My parents work a lot and are very stressed, so they like to have somewhere nice to return to. I’m really grateful I have all this, really, even if- well now I’m rambling!” he laughed. “You can take your shoes off and we can wait for Logan before I show you around?” he offered. Virgil nodded.

Roman told him to deposit his items in the corner of the living room as they waited. None of them said anything, just stared at random corners in the room waiting for someone else to peep up.

Virgil stood and walked over to the fireplace, which had a few books on the mantel. Virgil picked up a book that was titled 'The Hospital Is No Place To Meet Future Boyfriends' by Queen_Whovian_And_Everything_Else555. Well that's a weird pen name for a professional author , he thought. He shrugged it off.

He noticed other books like ‘Waste Away’ from NicoAndTheNineGalaxies, and ‘April Fool’s (Would You Be So Kind) by TiredPanAndNotAFan. Okay, clearly either Roman or his parents had a weird obsession with weird author pen names.

“I didn’t know you could read, Roman,” he commented, looking over yet another book with a strange author. He smirked as he heard Roman splutter behind him.

“Hey! I totally read! Those’re my parents’ books though. Mine are in my room.” he explained. Virgil shrugged.

“If you insist,” was all he got to say before the doorbell rang again. Patton nearly flew to the door to greet Logan, Roman following at a much slower pace. Virgil would’ve stayed in the living room, but followed them because, well, anxiety .

Patton bounced around a very confused Logan, screaming about how ‘the whole family is here!’ Virgil was glad to be the one viewing the Magic (or Insanity, depending on who you ask) of Patton, rather than be on the receiving end.

“If we’re all a family, excluding Roman, then why don’t we share the same last name?” Logan asked, trying to prove a point. It was a futile attempt.

“Well than we can make up a last name!” Patton dragged Logan into the house. “Why not Sanders! Get it? Cause we all go to Sanders Behavioral Health!” he giggled. Logan sighed, shaking his head.

“If you say so, Logan Sanders,” Virgil smirked. Logan glared.

“Aaaaanyways do y’all want me to show you around or are we just gonna stand here?” Roman interrupted. Logan physically cringed, but nodded.

And with that, they were off.

—

“Jesus Christ,” Virgil sighed, falling onto Roman’s bed. “I thought that ‘little’ tour was never gonna end!”

Roman snickered, letting the others into the room. “Yeah, it’s pretty large, my parents kinda just want the best for me… Sorry, that was a bit rude, wasn’t it?” Roman shook his head.

“Anyway, we’ll probably hang out here for most of the day, but we only have one guest room, so I was thinking 2 stay here and the others in the guest room? I mean, I’m claiming a spot for this room, so one more here and… yeah” Roman finished awkwardly.

“‘m not moving from this spot for at least a day,” Virgil mumbled, fiddling with the blanket he was on top of. Patton and Logan nodded, content with this plan.

“The guest room is similar to this, with a king sized bed as well, so it should be pretty comfortable for you guys!” Roman grinned at the two. “I’ll lead you back there, and you can get yourselves situated.”

“I’m staying here,” Virgil said immediately, causing Roman to laugh. They all chatted for a few minutes before the others left the room.

And Virgil was alone with his thoughts.

Maybe they had left him on purpose, maybe they were already bored of him. He heard Roman’s laughter from down the hall, and he shrunk into his hoodie.

Distraction- Find a distraction, Virgil.

He glanced around Roman’s room. He had… a lot of Disney posters, to say the least. A lot of musical posters in general, really. A Disney poster for just about every movie they had, even the more obscure ones. And the musical posters varied, from Mamma Mia! to Avenue Q, and Chicago to School of Rock.

Damn. To say he loved musicals would be an understatement.

Virgil walked over to the bookshelf that Roman, surprisingly, actually , had. He scanned the titles, finding a huge collection of fairytales. If they weren’t actual fairytales, they were twisted fairytales, he could only assume. With titles like ‘The Confessions of an Ugly Stepsister’ and ‘My Name is Rapunzel’.

The few titles he did recognize were The Lunar Chronicles, a story following Cinder, who was essentially Cinderella if she was a cyborg, overthrowing a dystopia with other fairytale characters. The only reason he recognized that was because he had seen so many people reading it at school that he had eventually decided to pick up the book himself.

Virgil fiddled with his hoodie strings, needing to do something that wasn’t crushing his head between the bookshelf and the wall behind it. He flopped down on Roman’s bed.

He couldn’t really describe why he had the impulse to do that. It was, to say the least, disturbing. But he could hardly think when the buzzing in his head was so loud. It was like a bundle of thoughts trying to push its way out, begging to be released.

He felt annoyed that the only word he knew how to describe it with was buzzing, but he couldn’t think of anything else, just that it was there and it wasn’t right and it mentally hurt .

Virgil closed his eyes and just… well, he existed . He tried to push the thoughts and buzzing out of his head by just letting go and focusing on the world, focusing on the little things that made him happy. Like outer space, like reading, like getting into a pool at just the right temperature on a hot day. Simple things. Simple, distracting things.

He was having a hard time resisting the urge to use the harsh edge of the table beside him to cut his arm open.

He was fine, he was safe, he was okay .

And okay was an okay thing to be.

—

He was almost asleep by the time the others returned. The moment the door slammed open, he was sitting straight up and panicked.

!!!TOO LOUD!!!!!!

“Jesus Christ,” he started, rubbing at his eyes, trying not to let the panic show. His heart was going a mile a minute. “Warn a guy, yeah? I was almost asleep because you took so long.”

“Well jeez, so rry I’m not psychic!” Roman jumped on the opposite side of the bed, the impact nearly causing Virgil to fly off his end. He glared at Roman, who smirked.

“So, what are we supposed to do until we sleep?” Virgil asked. Roman shrugged, and Logan looked indifferent.

Patton, however, bounced on his feet.

“Why not hide and seek? This place is big enough to have a lot of places to hide in! It could be fuuuuuun!”

Logan sighed, “I’m not particularly interested in playing children’s games.” was all he said. Roman fixed him an accusatory stare, which caused Logan to groan, before agreeing to play.

Err… what?

Both Roman and Patton badgered him to join their game, and after a few minutes, Virgil relented, on the contract that he could be the seeker. He was not about to squeeze himself into a small space for an undetermined amount of time today, thank you.

They established a couple rules- no going outside the house, no revealing other’s spots, and they weren’t allowed to move many items, or they might break something.

They made a system where every participant would text Virgil once they were hidden, because they weren’t sure how many seconds were needed to hide in the obnoxiously large home.

Virgil had to wait in Roman’s room once more until everyone was hidden. He even had to switch his notifications on (he usually had them off so they wouldn’t ring at inopportune moments. It was a valid fear, okay? He had notifications on for a lot of YouTubers.) just for this game. He hoped to a God he didn’t believe in that he remembered to switch them off before he went to sleep.

About 10 minutes later, he finally got the notification from Roman (the last one who had found a spot) that he was ready. He waited for a couple seconds more, the bed was so comfortable, before forcing himself up and out of the room.

He walked down the hallway to a railing at the end, overlooking one of the living rooms. From his vantage point of two floors up, he couldn’t see anyone, but that still was no certainty. Years of anxiety had forced him to check every place, and it was time to finally use that for something good.

He walked into a few more rooms, overanalyzing every place one could hide, even the more obscure ones. Nothing.

Virgil found himself in Roman’s mother’s room. Roman had only mentioned it on the tour, as with most of the rooms, saying, ‘My dad snores too much so my parents sleep in separate rooms.’

It was clean, not a speck of dust to be found, not a thing out of place.

At first glance, at least.

Virgil shuffled through the room, checking under the bed, that was a lot of bottles , and in the closet, where he only found a bunch of family photos shoved into a corner.

There was an apology note for Roman, dated 4 days prior, because apparently his parents were extra, too.

He knew he shouldn’t read it, but… his curiosity told him he had to, and it was right there and there were no good excuses for it, but he did it anyway.

The letter’s contents included Roman’s mother apologizing for not being able to be there that day, telling Roman he was a good son, and that she was so, so, sorry for not appearing until the next day. It was signed with a heart.

Roman really had life going for him, didn’t he?

Virge couldn’t help but feel jealous. Roman had all of this, the whole house, anything he wanted, supportive parents, everything. While Virgil had grown up being pushed around and suffering, Roman was probably laughing and getting presents every day. It just didn’t feel fair.

Why was Roman in therapy, anyway?

It didn’t add up. He was likeable, extroverted, fit, had kind parents, rich, and if Virgil was being honest, not bad looking in the slightest. So why was he there with the kids who had extreme issues?

Maybe… maybe he had lied to get into the group, lied to get attention .

∨İгｇ¡🇱 ωαડ Ｓ໐, 🇸๏ ш🇷०በ🇬.

He pushed his thoughts away with a sigh, giving the room a final once-over before leaving, closing the door behind him.

One more down, an insane amount of rooms left to go.

—

10 minutes later, he found Patton had contorted himself into an empty kitchen cupboard. It took 5 minutes to help him get back out.

They chatted while Virgil searched, Patton was very careful not to give anyone away, to Virgil’s chagrin.

—

After searching for what felt like 30 minutes, they still had no clue where Logan or Roman were. Virgil slumped against the door to Roman’s room with a sigh, thumping his head on the wood.

“Y’think we can just hang here until one of them gives up?” he asked. Patton shrugged, causing Virgil to groan.

They chatted about nothing for a few more moments, before Virgil decided to speak up against something that had plagued his mind since he left Roman’s mom’s room.

“Not to sound rude but, do you think… Maybe Roman’s faking it? Like of course there’s a chance he isn’t, but, looking around, don’t you think it’s a ‘lil suspicious? He’s got everything he wants and he acts so happy all the time and… I dunno…” he finished awkwardly.

“I don’t know, Virgil, but I doubt it. Why would he want to fake being in therapy?”

“To laugh at us! To laugh at those of us who are actually suffering!” Virgil spat. Patton backed away a few steps.

“Calm down a bit there, kiddo… I’m sure Roman has issues of his own, just because it isn’t on the surface doesn’t mean it’s not there.”

Virgil allowed himself to be calmed down, Patton giving him an awkward side-hug once he had. 5 minutes later, they were participating in the game once more.

—

The room had thin walls.

—

Virgil eventually found Logan in the basement that Roman hadn’t shown them on the tour. Logan explained he had noticed the door and, seeing that Roman hadn’t explained it, decided to investigate.

Virgil groaned at his own stupidity.

—

When Virgil had finally found Roman, it was when he had completely given up.

“Y’know what? Fuck this,” he said, ignoring Patton’s disappointed stare. “I give up! I really do! Roman must know some weird, obscure hiding place that he didn’t show us. So yeah, I’m giving up.” Virgil threw open the door to Roman’s room and-

Roman was there.

Roman was there , lounging on his bed, phone in hand, and looking at them expectantly.

Oh, for the love of God-

“What took you so long?” he snickered, sitting up to face them. Virgil stammered to find the words he was looking for, and might as well include the right emotions he was trying to wrangle up, too.

“You- I- Found you.” He finally got out. Roman smirked.

“Nuh-uh! Thin walls!” he knocked on the wall behind him. “I heard you say that you gave up!” Virgil groaned.

“How long were you in here, anyway?” Logan asked. Roman smiled.

“I snuck in here after Virgil disappeared into another room! I’ve been chilling here ever since.”

For a reason Virgil couldn’t figure out, Patton looked concerned, and guilty.

—

After the game, Roman roped them all into watching Disney movies, which was no surprise to Virgil considering the amount of posters.

Virgil was a bit of a Disney fan himself, but he wasn’t going to let that slip out to these strangers, surely they’d make fun of him for it.

One might think that Virgil was being stupid for forgetting that the only reason they had been watching them in the first place was because Roman forced them to. But anxiety was a pull, constantly overanalyzing the most simple things and underanalyzing the more complex. It wasn’t a case of ‘this is a bad thing, I should be anxious’, it was ‘this could be a bad thing, I should be anxious. So many things can go wrong’.

And that could was warped into will, no longer a maybe, but a definite, no matter how the situation actually happened.

It wasn’t fun in the slightest.

—

It was quiet.

Near silent, if it weren’t for the crickets chirping outside.

Patton and Logan had long since left the room to go to sleep. That left Virgil laying on the side of the bed he had claimed, silently scrolling through Tumblr, and Roman to get ready to sleep.

Roman had been staring at himself in the mirror for 10 minutes before Virgil took notice.

“You must really like yourself, huh?” Virgil deadpanned. This only supported his theory.

“Wha-” Roman jumped and spun around as he spoke, hand on his chest. “Oh, um… not really- WAIT I mean- uh- mOVinG On!” He cut himself off before glancing at the mirror once more.

Wait , he thought. I’ve been a dumbass, haven’t I?

Virgil made a lot of assumptions.

Just because the mental diagnosis isn’t obvious doesn’t mean it’s not still there!

“‘s there any like… weird hidden areas you know of ‘round here?” Virgil asked. Roman turned back to him, thinking.

“Wanna hang out on the roof?”

—

“I’M GONNA FALL!” Virgil shouted, clutching onto the gutter as if it were his only hope for survival. Roman snickered.

“C’mon, I’ve done this for years!”

“ We are three storeys high you bitch!”

—

Through a hefty amount of consoling, Virgil had finally reached the top of the roof, sitting on a small part of the roof that was flat, and clutching onto the chimney.

“So you’ve done this since you were a child ?” He asked. Roman was spread out on the slanted roof, seemingly indifferent to the fact that one wrong move could send him to his death.

“Mhm. I was the more adventurous type, if you couldn’t tell.” Roman glanced at him with a smirk. “But yeah. I find it calming up here, nothin’ to disturb ya but the wind. Plus, the stars are pretty.”

Virgil wouldn’t help but agree.

“Didn’t take you for a space nerd,” he said. Roman turned back to face the sky.

“I’m not, really. It’s just pretty. The most I really know about is galaxies, because they’re beautiful, really. I recommend looking up the Rose Galaxy, it’s my favorite… sorry, I’m rambling.” Roman laughed awkwardly. “But other than that, I don’t know much. Just the names of a few beautiful places.”

“That’s better than nothing,” Virgil supplied. Roman hummed. “I like planets, personally. ‘Coulda guessed your favorite was based around roses though.” he laughed. Roman smiled.

“The whole Disney thing kinda gives it away.” Virgil added.

“I hate that you aren’t wrong. Floriography has always been an interesting topic for me. But to be fair, roses have different meanings based off of the color.” Roman sat up, fidgeting with the hem of his shirt. He looked like he wanted to say something more, but was holding back. So, Virgil acted on a whim.

“How so?”

It was like setting off a glitter bomb. Roman turned to him, and Virgil could practically see the stars in his eyes.

“WELL! Of course red roses mean love, yellow roses are for jealousy, pink is grace and elegance! Blue’s mystery, peach for gratitude, and purple are for pride and enchantment.” Roman paused for a second, calming himself down. “And I need some christmas roses.”

“What’re christmas roses?” he asked. Roman smiled. In his rant, he had scooched over towards Virgil, not enough to invade his space, but just enough that he was able to whisper,

“Well, I thought it fit well with the whole therapy thing,” he started. “But christmas roses mean relieve me of my anxiety.”

“Bitch I need some too!” Virgil said before nearly falling off the roof by laughing.

—

“I refuse to die crawling down a roof!”

“Well how else are you gonna get down, then?”

“I won’t. This is my home now. Just throw some food up here every now and then and I’ll be golden, because I am not falling off a roof .”

“Oh my god ,”

—

The beauty of a king sized bed, he found out, was that two, maybe three people, could fit on it without even having to be close to the other.

Virgil went to bed without even changing his clothes, a nasty habit he had picked up. He stared at the wall, willing his brain to recognize that it was time to sleep.

He felt Roman start shifting on the other end, another insomniac, before he spoke up.

“And I oop- OW !”

Taglist because apparently I have that now:

@too-attached-to-fiction

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ostrichmonkey-games · 5 years

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RPG Highlights: Shadowrun

Ah, Shadowrun. I have a lot of complicated feelings about Shadowrun. This one might be is a bit rambly. Shout out to the anonymous suggestion for this one.

So, first off, I’ve mostly played 5th edition with some slight dabbling in 4th. So those editions are what informs my opinions on Shadowrun.

What Is It: Shadowrun is a d6 dice pool, skill-based, fantasy cyberpunk/corporate dystopia rpg. You can play an ork decker (hacker). Or an elf marital adept. Or a chromed up street sam(urai). Get hired as corporate disposable assets, but a shit ton of gear, and go cause a ruckus.

The Sixth World (the world of SR) is, easily, one of my all time favorite rpg settings. For those not familiar, SR is a fantasy cyberpunk. The long and short of it is that in 2012, magic came back into our world (though the timelines between the real world and that of SR split a bit earlier than that, mostly concerning the rise of megacorporations). It’s very fun to just, get lost in the SR wikis or peruse the more setting focused books (which is all of them really). Everything you’d expect from modern cyberpunk you can find in SR. Now just add fantasy. Magic, orks, elves, overpowered mages, etc, etc. (There’s arguments to be made that, the “punk” part of a lot of current cyberpunk products is kind of lost, and its more of a “corporate dystopia”, but there are better informed people out there who can write a lot better on that than me. Minimum, SR contains at least the aesthetic you’d be looking for in cyberpunk)

At one point, an actual dragon was the president of the “US” (technically UCAS if I’m remembering my lore correctly, but you get the idea). It’s a blast. That being said, there is some, problematic writing. Again, I’m not the expert on this, but you will probably come across some stuff that leaves a sour taste in your mouth One major examples is how the game mechanically deals with cybernetic augments. The more chrome you pick up, the less Essence you have. In-lore, Essence is more or less described as one’s “humanity” or connection to the earth/world. The lower your Essence, the less “magical” you are. If you get too much chrome, you can go full “cyberzombie”. So, from a pure gameplay mechanic, I get it. You need to balance cybernetics with magic otherwise you’d have chromed up mages running around and it would probably be a mess. But it’s, kinda messed up that if you want just a regular not-fancy prosthetic leg you have to mechanically lose some of your humanity.

There’s a few other bits and pieces of lore writing that is also not super great, but I also don’t have any of them on hand, so just kind of a warning. There’s a tone of cool stuff in SR but be prepared to come across some not as cool parts.

Playing The Game: Okay, so moving on to the mechanics as I understand them. And I am by no means an expert.

At it’s core, SR is a pretty simple classless d6 dice pool. You make skill/action rolls which are based off the points you have in an attribute plus the points you have in a skill. It can be remarkably flexible. I honestly like this core.

On top of that, when you build a character you have a massive pool of positive and negative traits to play with. You can make very unique characters, and a lot of them. I mentioned classless but there are some general archetypes you can build toward, like mage, adept, street sam, decker, and others.

Where things can get messy is where the more, “simulationist” begins to come into play. So, your character is just as much defined by the gear they have as the skills they possess. Gear is very important mechanically. And it’s also once you start to get into gear (and to an extent the pos/neg traits) that you begin to run into a lot of the situational modifiers that makes SR difficult to learn. There are rules for, a lot of things. Rules for different bullet types, firing mechanisms, explosive calculations, magical strain, summonings, astral projects, falling, jumping, skydiving, basically an entirely different game for decking (hacking), and more.

This sort of style suits some people! If you love to optimize and get really granular, there’s a ton to work with here! But for me, this is where the game starts to break down. Just personal taste.

All the extra rules and exceptions is also where mechanically, the game can start to feel kind of broken. In my experience, mages are overpowered, with adepts being even more overpowered. I never really look for a perfectly balanced game (if such a thing is even possible), but it can get out of hand in SR, again at least in my experience.

The RAW intended “core loop” of SR (if that idea can be applied to ttrpgs) is basically, get a job, do the job, try not to die, get paid (hopefully), buy knew gear and repeat for as long as you’re having fun. And let me be clear, you can easily have a blast in SR. I had fun, even with all my personal issues with the mechanics. Just keep in mind what kind of game it is if you’re thinking of picking it up. There is also Shadowrun: Anarchy, which is billed as a more rules-lite and narrative focused version of SR, but I’ve only barely skimmed it so I can’t offer much on it.

Production Values: So, the SR books look nice. Plenty of nice art, interesting layouts, packed full of lore and world information. They’re nice to read like a book. Where they utterly fail is a game tool and resource. The books are riddled with errors requiring pages of errata, are horribly, unintuitively organized, and occasionally hide rules and mechanics in little sidebars. You will be flipping through the books a lot when making a character. The whole book. Hope you’ve picked up a character builder too.

Why You Should Play It: The cyberpunk base provides a unique foundation for telling stories. Cyberpunk can be a lot of fun to explore, the addition of fantasy just helps set SR apart from other cyberpunk products. But you can also just put on some mirror shades, straighten up your pink mohawk and have some wild adventures if all you’re looking for is explosions and action. That’s totally cool too.

End of the day, SR is worth checking out. It will require some effort, Catalyst Labs doesn’t make it easy. And it may not be the system for you. But the setting can carry it pretty far. Also, I recommend checking out the podcast Neoscum if you want an actual play example. It’s on the zanier (pink mohawk) side of things, but it is seriously great, and an equally great examples of what you can do with SR.

Where You Can Get It: Various editions of Shadowun, including the most recent sixth edition are available on DriveThruRPG and Catalyst’s website.

#rpg highlights #this has been sitting in drafts for an age now #time to post

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qqueenofhades · 5 years

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thank you for your answer, that was very helpful! can i ask another stupid question - what is the difference between a book and a novel? thank you so much for taking the time to answer my questions by the way!!

Aha, well, at the risk of stating the obvious, a book is that lovely square paper thing (or these days, e-format file) that is about any topic, any genre, fiction or nonfiction, so on and so forth. It only refers to the physical format of the media, as compared to, say, a TV show or movie or podcast or newspaper or magazine or anything that’s not a book. It is by anyone about anything and just tells you what shape that particular narrative comes in. But anyone can say they’re writing a book, no matter what that is -- because, well, that’s what they’re doing, or at least how they intend it to look when they’re done.

A novel, on the other hand, is a specific type of book, i.e. fiction. It’s most often used to denote literary or more “serious” fiction (which is elitist, but ANYWAY). When you open a book and see “a novel” underneath the title on the front page, that means a) it’s fiction, and b) it’s the sort of thing that would usually be shelved as General or Literary Fiction. Clearly “genre” books, like mystery, fantasy, science-fiction, horror, etc, don’t usually have to describe themselves as novels, because it’s clear from a glance at the cover of Godzilla shooting laser beams at spaceships or whatever’s going on there that it’s obviously a fantastical/fictional story. But we can still describe these as “mystery novels,” “fantasy novels,” “sci-fi novels,” and so on, because once again, it’s a reference to the format. It’s describing the fact that the story within is a product of the author’s imagination and not a non-fiction/factual account of something that happened in the real world. In the case of some genres of books, such as autobiographical/memoirs/partially based on a true story, that can get blurred, which the author sometimes discloses and sometimes does not. See for example the A Million Little Pieces controversy a while back, in which a best-selling memoir by a guy named James Frey, purporting to be an entirely truthful account of recovery from drug addiction, turned out to be substantially faked or fictionalized in parts. The publisher defended it on grounds that it still told a valid story, iirc, but the fact that he presented it as a truthful account when it wasn’t really touches on a whole other can of worms about literary merit, expression, expected pretense of truth, authorial responsibility, and so on. It seems like a practically more innocent age in the Land of Fake News we live in now.

If you say that you’re writing a novel, you just mean that you’re writing a fictional story, and you can add a specific description or type of story if you want, but once again, you don’t have to. Literary fiction tends to mean “realistic” fiction, or that dealing with stylized or abstract themes or consciously constructing itself in a way that the writing is as much part of the book as the story, or otherwise presenting itself as something that it is of intellectual merit to read. Whereas genre fiction gets a bad rap as being “less serious” literature, which again is total nonsense in my very humble opinion, because clearly if you just read a book because you like the story and want to have fun, INTELLECTUALISM DONE INCORRECTLY. (This concept would also be familiar to the Tumblr Purity Police, in which you can never enjoy anything that might be slightly Problematic, and must only consume media that fits that kind of narrow self-righteous moral worldview and Shun those who do not.) Which... come on, guys. Every sane person reads one kind of books because they want to learn things, and another kind of books to enjoy themselves. (There is another large strain of people who never read books at all, but we don’t trust them). But anyway. I DIGRESS!

This is changing as genre fiction becomes more mainstream, and pretty much every major cultural property on film or TV is based in some part on something with genre elements (superheroes, fantasy, dystopia, etc etc). Once again, I feel like I have rambled away past what you were actually asking and/or need to know about, but hopefully that was helpful.

I just really love books, okay.

#anonymous #ask

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gillianthecat · 2 years

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The Devil Judge: Episode 15

I just finished The Devil Judge and something about this show compelled me to take copious notes - it had emotional intensity and layers of mystery. These are long and rambling, so they're likely not of interest to anyone else, but since I spent all that time writing it I decided, why not post it. Perhaps someone will find it interesting.

Below are my moment-to-moment reactions, predictions and analysis as I watched episode 15.

eps 1&2 ep3 ep4 ep5 ep6 ep7 ep8 ep9 ep10 ep11 ep12 ep13 ep14 ep15 ep16

I wrote about my initial impressions, up to episode 5, here and here.

This is cleaned up only slightly. I followed the spelling given in the Viki subtitles. I mostly don't explain what I'm reacting to, so this will probably only make sense if you've seen the episode recently. Occasionally I give timestamps.

all their memories. 😥

(11:30) this convo on morality and ends & means and being seen as a monster and Yo-Han yet again feeling betrayed by this man. he thought he'd finally found someone who understood him. who saw who he was and loved him and wanted to walk this path with him.

(I really want to know more about Yo-Han and Mysterious Assistant's relationship. Why wasn't M.A. this person for him? too similar to Yo-Han? M.A. didn't have the goodness and the kindness that made Ga-On so appealing, that made his approval more meaningful? just didn’t have that chemistry? Ga-On challenged Yo-Han, pushed him and questioned him and changed him. M.A. would never even try.)

Maybe it's because I'm still bitter over YSH's death, but I'm feeling this conflict isn't substantially different than the first time Ga-On left Yo-Han's house. like, i feel like their personal plot has stagnated a bit. i don't know what i want differently exactly, but I guess I feel like I want something new from them, to see that they've changed.

also starting to get suspicious that YSH's death isn't going to even have all that much plot or emotional significance. what a fucking waste.

Ga-On wants Yo-Han to choose goodness. "I sincerely hoped that you would stop" (15:00)

the intensity between them! their faces! Yo-Han can't look at him. Ga-On's bow to his back, even though Yo-Han is refusing to see it. the light on the other side of the door that Ga-On enters and leaves through.

Yo-Han likes grabbing people around the neck but still keeping them at arm's length. Is this a common thing in S. Korean media? It looks odd and therefore memorable to me, and I can read all sorts of things about Yo-Han into this move.

finally putting pres. buffoon in his place. The scary thing is that he wasn't even that over the top. presidents do just order tanks to destroy their country's people.

i'm sure this series is saying things about nationalism, racism, xenophobia etc in S. Korea, but I don't know enough to know exctly what. is this something they could only say while under the heavily emphasized pretext that "this is a virtual dystopia"? and i beleive that they kept a lot of the markers of the korean govt. the same - the flag, the blue house (looks similar to what i found of the real blue house in photos). Like, they could just be using prez. buffoon's nationalism for the 'vibes', but i suspect it's a least a little more than that.

I do think even though Seon-Ah is acting like this is a business decision, at least in part it's an emotional/[moral?] one. Now that Pres. Heo is threatening the place where she grew up.

if they're going with a nihilist ending (which they might, I genuinely cannot predict which way it will go. part if it's that the homophonic need to deny the romance is going to throw things off) then my prediction is that Our Two Representative Business Men are going to be shown ending up on top. That's how it usually goes in the "real world." the ambitious women, the public figures, the people who want to change things, they get destroyed and the men pulling the strings in the background, giggling at everyone else's attempts to be powerful, end up with the world in their hands. but the show could be going with a different story. although its hard for me to imagine what victory for Yo-Han would look like. he doesn't want to rule (govern), he just wants to destroy the rot. but as other characters keep saying, the rot goes deep. The only "happy" ending I can see would be him and Ga-On leaving the battlefield to be cozily domestic together. which is a happy ending for them (very hunger games, if i'm recalling the end correctly). but it also would be unsatisfactory for the audience. we've been seeing all this evil, we want to see it destroyed. but the show hasn't posited anything to replace it with (which these types of shows hardly ever do. how do they usually end? i can't think of any endings i remember right now)

I love seeing a badass Seon Ah. And Seon Ah in pink in this flashback! I think this is the first time in pink? oh, maybe a pink floral dressing gown at home with the bathroom mirrors? What if anything does the pink represent?

(30:20) this image of pres. Heo slumped under the tilting S. Korean flag!

Seon-Ah and Yo-Han keep having conversations about loneliness.

he's barely even reacting to her. Usually he pretends he's ignoring her, but now she can't pull his focus from his thoughts. he's not interested in these power games with her anymore. (ruminating on his heartbreak?)

and then he engages, but without the same intensity as usual. it feels like he's done with her, with their power struggle.

I guess that really hurt her? it's hard to figure out what her actual vulnerable points are

(35:57) - Chairman Park asks "What kind of scam is he going to pull off this time?" same, dude, same.

my god. his face. his voice. Ji Sung sir you can act.

I feel like this is surrender. genuine surrender, not an act or an attempt to manipulate. this was a confession of his soul. surrundering himself to Ga-On, not his enemies. He wants to be a man that Ga-On will trust and respect, no matter the consequences to himself. I'm obviously projecting and assuming a lot here, but I don't even think this was about trying to win Ga-On's love, he just wanted to become the man Ga-On saw.

but probably it is also strategic. We have two hours left. So even if this was him surrendering, he's gotta start coming up with plans and plots again or we're going nowhere. I suppose Yo-Han could go passive and wait for Ga-On to rescue him, but that seems way too out of character. I do predict that Ga-On is going to see that confession, (fall in love again,) forgive-ish him, and start plotting a rescue.

Also, I think at this point Ga-On has some of Jeong Joseph's story? or not? we haven't heard it yet though.

or maybe it was just p.r. as a manipulation it seems like it was effective. The public is loving this questing superhero thing. It was effective on me too. I think the reality is that it was both. He was being honest and surrendering, but he also knew that it would work. and to be fair, Ga-On also loves his manipulative scheming side.

I just feel like the series keeps showing us that Y is honest, and then pretending to ask the question, ‘oh but can we trust him,’ when they've already basically proven he can be trusted. The game is starting to feel a little stale at this point. you've already asked this same exact question and answered it, ask a slightly different one please.

interesting that the opposition party so far has just been a phrase. we've never seen anyone from it, we haven't heard anything about them. I know they already have a lot of characters, and the point is that the power is outside of the official system, but still.. (another thing that makes this world feel a little hollow. like at least show us one of them making speeches on tv?)

(40:45) Yo-Han’s unreadable face. slight smile. my (perhaps wishful thinking) interpretation is that this is a victory, yes, but he's still heartbroken.

ok. Su-Hyeon's grave. breathe, gillianthecat. focus on the angst of Ga-On's emotions, not the meta around this scene.

the blood on the edges of the notebook!

i can't tell if Prof. Min feels manipulative because he is, or if it's because his narrative function is to explain things and be Yo-Han's foil in the battle for Ga-On's soul

YSH and G's song 💔

Is the dead guy YSH's killer? i assume that's what the flashback indicates, but it's hard tell from these angles

oh fuck. Ga-On's face when he hears Yo-Han's voice. 💔 his breakdown. He is heartbroken. He was falling in love. he wanted so desperately to trust Yo-Han, for the good parts he saw to be real

i'm still predicting Yo-Han's not going to turn out to be evil. that there will be an acceptable explanation. because that's where the rest of the story has led us. pure evil yohan will just feel like a twist for the sake of a twist without sufficient narrative support. We've seen the world through Yo-Han's eyes too much. it might have worked if they kept him more mysterious

(55:00) My prediction is that Yo-Han know he's coming. that he knew that that was Ga-On on the phone. but i'm not very sure about this.

oh god, the echo of the knife that Su-Hyeon grabbed. this scene is intense, i keep wanting to pause.

oh, they make the knife parallel explicit

"you will regret it." the same response Ga-On had to Yo-Han choking him at his office. the way they know each other and don't know each other at all

Yo-Han always refuses to explain himself or defend himself. he just talks around it "you should know that evidence is futile." some of that is the show's requirement to hold onto mystery and suspense but also... Yo-Han never expects to be believed, he thinks everyone has already pre-judged him as a monster and he doesn't want to defend his humanity

oh the look of betrayal on Yo-Han's face when Judge Min and the cops walk in. even after all that he wants and hopes for Ga-On to be on his side. he was less betrayed by Ga-On trying to kill him than by Ga-On turning him over to the authorities.

The only question he asks is, Ga-On do you believe me. That's all he cares about. the desperate way Yo-Han says his name. my god.

If I'm correct in all my interpretations, I think the show wants to have Yo-Han as both a person and a mystery. and that's a very difficult line for the storytellers to walk. I think it's possible, but I think they don't quite pull it off. At least for me, I've bought into him too much as a person, and the mystery now feels like cheap manipulation and unsubstantiated twists.

aaand Seon-Ah walks in. was she behind the scenes on all this? did she plant Yo-Han's number in that dead guys phone (presumably he was actually YSH's killer, that seems like an unnecessary twist to it all)

I'm going to predict for now that prof. min didn't know about seon ah's involvement. but who even knows at this point.

well, that question was answered two seconds later. i guess my suspicions of prof min were founded. I think I'm pleased with this twist. or at least the concept, they could still ruin it at the end. it was predictABLE but i didn't in fact predict it. (it's hard to distinguish sometimes which things are holes in the story telling and which are intentional hints that something shady is going on)

and here's the oddly orchestrated Rachmaninoff

but also Ga-On's 'oh no did i get this all wrong' face. my god, he's being battered from all sides (this feels gothic, among other things) and min is giving the same reasoning (1:01:34) "It was a choice for greater justice. You will understand it one day."

but what greater justice could this be? He's working with self-professed manipulators who only want money. Does he genuinely believe Kang Yo-Han is that evil that it's worth working with these other evils? or is he just lying about that?

did he latch onto Ga-On already years ago (about 7 years?) when he was a law student (judge student? I don't know how that works in S. Korea) because he looked like Kang Isaac? or did seon ah go to him later on. presumably at least some of these questions will get answered in the final episode.

"You were the weakness I planted near the Young Master."

The wolves are closing in on them both. of course this happened in the gothic mansion, in their domestic space, not in the halls of power. not sure exactly why yet, but it feels right. they're cornered together, they've got nothing left but each other (? i'm guessing?) and they have no power any more. the outside world is invading their private space. The two stories being told are colliding. (they have been colliding all along, but i guess more so now?)

ok, I can see why Su-Hyeon's death was necessary given these twists and this direction. i still feel like having them get together immediately before she died was homophobic and there is no other reason for it besides homophobia.

ok, my prediction re. Jeong Joseph and the tapes: he is telling the truth, Yo-Han did ask him to hide something. but it's not that Yo-Han set the fire or killed his brother. but frankly i have no ideas for what it could be instead.

oh my god his desperation here. We have never seen him this raw. my heart. He does not want Ga-On to see this. He cares so deeply about Ga-On's opinion of him. Maybe he did do it? and has been living with guilt. finding out very soon...

their faces! the emotions here. the intensity. the gothic thunderstorm. It's effective how they show us their reactions first, before showing us what happened.

one last guess that I don't actually think is true because it doesn't lead to the levels of angst we're seeing - Elijah is somehow responsible? ok, deep breath and dive in.

ok, I'm sorry, but if this is their approach to fire safety, how did this church not burn down years ago. is this going to be a weak explanation that doesn't hold up to the weight of all the angst it's supporting? I'm worried, but this show has redeemed itself before.

ok. I guess that was it. My throw-away guess was right. I mean it makes sense in some ways. Yo-Han is obviously incredibly devoted to her, has centered his life around her. but I don't see how that has anything to do with all the other plotting going on. How does hiding this mean he needed to bring down the foundation, minister cha, et al.

and why was he so desperate that Ga-On not see it? Ga-On wouldn't judge or tell. I think Yo-Han must know that. has he just been keeping this secret for so long that its' grown into this enormous bundle of emotions he can't be rational about? the emotions are not matching what's actually happening

Also, I 100% blame the church people for that fire. It was not her fault. who the fuck leaves that many candles unattended and precariously placed in a wooden building. I'm getting emotional about it, but I don't think they're the emotions the show wants me to have.

"At that very second. I decided to die" with the scissors behind him.

For a second time, all this amazing intensity from the actors (wow they're both great here, Elijah too), the filming, the music, it all so well done. but it's undermined by the fact that the plot twist behind it just doesn't make enough sense.

I wish they had the courage to let Yo-Han have been the killer. although that wouldn't have made sense either. Honestly, I can't think what secret truth about the fire would have both held all that emotional angst and fit all the facts we already knew about the characters and their past.

I recognize some of this may be cultural differences. emotions around guilt and responsibility and protection can vary a lot between cultures, and so i don't know how i'd respond to these scenes if i was korean. But even if it makes more emotional sense, I still don't think it makes enough sense to sustain everything else.

also, you don't want her to know that she killed her parents, but you let her become someone who is complicit in deliberately sending a prisoner to be raped. I recognize that those are very different in any universe, and that in this universe the latter is apparently not a bad thing. but since i've been yanked out of the story i'm gonna go ahead and complain about that too.

oh, so Seon-Ah's skin care routine was product placement. good on them in making it feel part of the story. lol, this is a funny time to bring in the ads.

I kind of don't even want to watch the final episode. I'm feeling so let down, and I don't have hope that the plot is going to get more sensical.

but remember, the actors are consistently wonderful and intense. it's worth it to watch just for them. and at this point i've got to see what happens even if the storytelling is a train wreck.

still thinking about the reveal. like, i fully believe that he would do anything to protect Elijah. We've seen that all along. His most intense reactions were whenever he thought she was in danger. and it fits everything we've seen abou their awkward relationship. She's become more of a mission than a person to him. he never really had a parent, he doesn't know how to parent, so fiercely protecting her is the only way he knows how to show his love.

BUT. how on earth does what he's done protect her?!! How does making himself a monster help? Is his desire for justice a separate motivation? Is he trying to control the world because that's the only way he thinks he can keep her safe? Is he even supposed to be thinking rationally here, or has the mission overtaken its original motivation (just like they showed in that scene with President Heo and his wife)? I really hope they give me an explanation I can buy.

hmm. did Yo-Han know that Prof. Min was working with Seon-Ah? I think he didn't.

eps 1&2 ep3 ep4 ep5 ep6 ep7 ep8 ep9 ep10 ep11 ep12 ep13 ep14 ep15 ep16

#the devil judge episode 15 #kind of like liveblogging #the devil judge reaction #the devil judge #the devil judge spoilers #reaction by gillianthecat

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