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loveandmurders · 6 months

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You belong to Ambrose I (poly!Sinclairs x f!reader)

Hey everyone, I'm happy to finally post the first part of this imagine.

I really hope you'll enjoy it <3

Warnings: no proof reading, a few strong words, angst, dangerous!Lester, mentions of violence, blood and murders, morally grey reader.

“Hey, mom, what do you think Ambrose looks like now?” you heard yourself asking your mother without even meaning to.

The woman sent you a quick glance before her attention went back on the food she was preparing on the kitchen table.

“Why?” she sternly asked back and you tried to shrug it off, no matter how embarrassed you were starting to feel about the whole conversation you just brought up.

“Don’t know. I’m just planning a road trip with friends and we’ll go close back to where Ambrose is…was. I noticed it wasn’t even marked on maps anymore” you explained and your mother hummed

“Then you got your answer. Ambrose must be gone.” she said “Like the brothers you used to love so much” she replied and sent you another look, as you glanced down at your lap, in shame.

You should have known better than to talk about Ambrose to your mother. The woman had always wanted to pretend it had been a terrible nightmare.

“Mom…” you whispered

“I’ve never understood why you were so fond of them. Your dad either. They were a terrible influence on you. I’m happy you decided to burn the bridges with them and that you never went back to Ambrose. There was nothing for you there. And those people were troublesome and violent and… freaks. You deserved way better than them.” she continued and you resisted the urge to take their defence. They weren’t freaks, they were… a great part of your life and now a great hole inside your chest. “What was their name again?” your mother asked.

“Sinclairs” you instantly replied before biting your tongue

“Ah yes. Well, I’m glad you didn’t become one” she continued and you frowned at that.

“What do you mean, mom?” you wondered with a tilt of your head

“The eldest one, when he came back to Ambrose after his mother died and that he was sent away for a few months, and before his dad died that same day, he looked for you. He knocked at our door. Thank God you were away with your dad then. I told him to go away and he assured me that he would never go away from you, and that you would become his wife one day too.”

“His… wife” you whispered, your heart aching.

Bo was indeed often speaking about marrying you and sharing you with his brothers, but you always thought there were only words; the Sinclairs never really planned out their future. Bo was too obsessed with cars and getting free from his family to care about anything else. Vincent was too focused on his art. Lester was just a lost kid wandering into the woods late at night. You hadn’t thought they were actually seeing you as their future. You always appeased Bo, you always brought Vincent back to reality, you always helped Lester feel like he was part of something.

“To be honest” your mom resumed and your attention went back on her “with the amount of time you were spending with him and his brothers, I was really worried you would agree on doing something that stupid. And even though you left Ambrose heartbroken and sobbing, I’m happy something happened between you, him and his twin, that day. I don’t know what it is, but I knew it convinced you to leave.” she continued and you didn’t answer. The memory of that day was still burning you to the core.

You had been so happy so see Bo and later on, Vincent. You had run into their arms and they had hugged you with fierce love. You were all planning on getting Lester back too.

And then, Bo killed his dad and Vincent told you he was going to continue the House of Wax, the way his mother always did. You knew about the murders, you knew people were beneath the wax, but you never said anything because you loved the boys. And despite how an awful mother Trudy was, she liked you. You were a girl, and she could finally chat around with what looked like a daughter to her. Victor was also a little more careful around you. You were loved by the Sinclairs, and they couldn’t explain it; it just happened.

But their love was dark and violent, and you couldn’t agree to live like that; you couldn’t stay in Ambrose when everything was dying around and you couldn’t live from murders. You promised yourself to never betray your boys, but at the same time, you left with your parents without a goodbye. You knew that if you decided to go see the twins one last time, they would convince you to stay and it couldn’t happen. You never recovered from the fact you didn’t see Lester again before leaving and you hoped Bo had been able to bring him back home. You were certain he did though, because his people were the only thing that mattered to him.

You were about to leave the kitchen when your mother called your name and you turned around, with a raised eyebrow, silently asking her what she wanted.

“Do me a favour and stay away from Ambrose during your little road trip, okay?” she said with a hint of concern in her voice

“You said yourself that there is nothing there anymore anyways” you replied, a little bit surprised by your mother’s attitude

“I know but… I don’t want you to tempt the devil” she replied and you only found yourself nodding.

You wondered if by the devil she meant Bo.

Bo knelt in front of a woman he just killed. She was the last one of the group and he was glad about it because he felt quite tired now. It was too hot today to play hide and seek with assholes. At least, the night was already casting its shadows around Ambrose and bringing with it a little bit of fresh air. Bo looked down at the woman, tilting his head to the side as he watched the pretty necklace she had around her neck. It was slightly covered in blood but he was pretty sure he could wash it without trouble. It looked expensive; he was certain the glitter coming from beneath the blood was a little diamond. He took it off her body without a care and pocketed it before Vincent could use this jewel on his next wax statue.

“Y/N would’ve liked it” Bo hummed to himself before sadly sighting. His throat tightened as always when he was saying your name out loud.

Whenever he was spotting something that reminded him of you, he was always grabbing it and putting it away, in a box filled with gifts for you. He never stopped hoping that one day he would be able to give you this box. You would realise how much you were loved then; but so far it only happened in his dreams. And yet, he was thinking about you everyday of his life and he still believed you would come back home one day. He was certain you were meant to be a Sinclair; even his parents were liking you so it had to mean something. He missed you so much, he missed your laugh and he missed the way you loved his brothers and himself. Ambrose was empty without you. Life had always been shit, but your absence was torture. He had thought that after a few years, the pain would subside, but it really didn’t. It often felt like it was actually growing up inside his chest. You left with a piece of themselves, you left with the only sun and happiness the boys truly felt. He knew his brothers were feeling the same, because everytime they were all eating together at night, the conversation always ended on what you became. And on why you never came back.

They could guess you were disapproving of the killing, but they couldn’t stand the idea that maybe you got scared of them. They couldn’t even say it out loud; you were the only thing they would never have hurt.

Bo sighted again as he grabbed the woman by her ankles and he started to pull her to the house. Vincent came upstairs when he heard a body being dragged on the floor and he helped his twin out. Vincent could tell by the look in Bo’s eyes that he was thinking about you. It was the only moment Bo was utterly silent too, lost in thoughts.

Vincent couldn’t blame him. He had hundreds of books filled with drawings of you. Whenever he thought that he would never hear your voice again, never feel your touch on his skin anymore, Vincent was drawing you. He was certain you existed that way, and he was certain he would never forget about what you looked like, even if he knew your figure and face were carved inside his chest and brain. You used to caress the bad side of his face and to remind him he was handsome, even in front of Trudy or Victor. You had never been afraid to show yourself with “the freak”. And his skin felt so dry and painful now your fingers hadn’t traced it in years.

The twins worked in utter silence and none of them felt hungry that night, so they went to bed earlier than usual. None of them slept actually, simply staring at the ceiling or at the wall, wondering where you were and if you were happy… without them. They wanted you to be happy as much as they wanted you to be miserable without them, because it was their only chance you would one day come back home.

Lester wasn’t better than the twins. And if Bo fucked with some girls, Lester just couldn’t even think about touching someone else than you. It felt wrong to him. He promised you he was yours and only yours after all. He had always enjoyed how a little bit possessive you were with the three of them. Lester wasn’t certain of a lot of things, but he knew he belonged to you. You had always loved them equally, giving them the love they were all craving so much.

You were always in Lester’s mind. He was always hoping to find you among a group of tourists, to be fair. He never stopped looking for you and hoping to see you again. You belonged to them too, so he couldn’t understand how you could live away from them. And he knew that if he ever found you again, he wouldn’t hesitate to lock you up somewhere if it meant keeping you by his side. Forever.

And he was certain that the twins were thinking the same. They lost you once, they wouldn’t allow it to happen again.

But for that… he needed to find you first.

And every morning and every night, he promised himself he would. Out of the three, he was the one who was the most certain he could get you back home, no matter if you wanted it or not. You were his little goddess, so he was certain that at some point you would come close to Ambrose again… and he would stumble upon you… and he would get you home. You would become the divinity of Ambrose once again, and everything would be alright.

One day, luck seemed to be on his side.

The closer you drove to Ambrose, the more you recognised the roads. Your mother’s words never stopped echoing inside your head and at some point, you turned the wheel so you wouldn't get too close to the place. A part of you wanted to drive right back to it; you even felt a little pang when you took the opposite path. You wanted to be back home more than anything, but you were too afraid of what would await you there. You even believed that the twins would be so mad at you, they would kill you and turn you into a wax statue so you couldn’t leave anymore without saying goodbye.

You found a little campsite and you all decided to spend the evening and night there. You forced yourself to focus on your people so you could forget about the Sinclairs. Another part of you was begging you to leave this place and to drive as far as possible away from Ambrose. You had no idea which parts of you were stronger.

You realised you didn’t have enough food for tonight so you and another girl took the car to find a shop nearby. It was late so a lot of them were close and you had to admit, you shivered in fear when your friend showed you the only store open 24/7 in the area. It was very close to Ambrose; little did you know that it was actually the town Lester was living in. You tried to not show anything as you drove to the store. You crossed your fingers to not run into any of the Sinclairs before you thought how stupid this was. The boys wouldn’t be there, and they might even be dead because of their way of life. And you were a lucky girl, something like that couldn’t happen to you.

Even if something inside of you was bubbling in excitement and hope.

As you entered the store, a man was leaving it. He moved to the side to let you come in and as you were about to thank him, your eyes met his and widened.

Lester.

You tried to move past him, hoping he wouldn’t have recognised you or that he would hate you enough to let you go easily. But you were a fool. He instantly grabbed your wrist as he whispered your name, bringing you back to him. He was in trance. He couldn’t believe the day finally came. Your friend frowned, wondering what was going on. She placed an arm around your shoulder to show you support

“Can you let go of her, buddy?” she calmly said and Lester instantly obeyed, not wanting to cause a scene. He put his hands in front of him in defence.

“Sorry. Hi, Y/N, ‘s been a long time” he hummed, looking for your eyes.

“Hi, Les. Sorry, but we’re a bit in a hurry here, we’ll chat another time, hmm?” you said, hoping to get out of this discussion as fast as possible. Goosebumps littered his skin at the sound of your voice calling him by his nickname.

You were surprised when Lester simply smiled and nodded. You noticed his grin didn’t reach his eyes though and you suppressed a shiver. You knew you were in trouble, especially with him letting you go so easily. Even more when he cheerfully said as you turned your back to him “See you soon, darl”

Lester settled in his truck and waited for you and your friend to get out of the store. He dialled his big brother’s number with a light in his eyes. It was the first time in so long he felt like he was finally alive. He was certain things were finally going to be good.

“‘S up, Les?” Bo hummed at the other side of the line, always answering his phone very fast whenever his brothers needed him

“She’s here.” Lester simply said because he was too happy and excited to say anything else.

“What are ya talkin’ ‘bout, kid?” Bo asked, not wanting to get some false hope.

“Y/N. She’s at the store. She’s with a friend. Gonna follow them, I’ll send ya their location… And we’ll bring her home tonight”

It was a promise.

And a threat.

Taglist : @lacychick ; @magical-sass ; @limehaspassed ; @loveinglymessedup ; @bloodmoon-bites ; @iwantsleepplz ; @kawaistrawberry21

PART II

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jimmy-dipthong · 27 days

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The difference between あのー and えーっと

As I touched on in my japanese goncharov post, it’s amazing how much novel research, entertainment, and art are locked behind a language barrier. Even though as english speakers, we are privileged to have many things translated into our language, it’s a simple fact that most things will not be translated into most languages.

I am a huge fan of ゆる言語学ラジオ, a japanese podcast about linguistics. The hosts recently released a book, 言語沼, which goes into detail about some of the subconscious rules native japanese speakers follow but aren’t consciously aware of (an english equivalent might be that adjective-ordering rule we follow e.g. big brown cow, not brown big cow). I’m finding it fascinating, and I wanted to discuss some of it here in english, because I think people learning japanese would find some of these things really useful. It’d be a shame if this knowledge stayed stuck behind the japanese language barrier when the people who would find it the most useful can’t speak japanese fluently enough to read it!

The book talks about how most Japanese people will think of 「あのー」 and 「えーっと」 as having the exact same meaning - they’re both “meaningless” filler words. Despite their belief that they’re the same, those same native speakers will subconsciously only use あのー in one particular type of situation and 「えーっと」 in another, and even feel confused or annoyed if they hear another speaker use one in the wrong context.

So what’s the actual difference? 「えーっと」 is used when the speaker is taking time to remember or solve something. For example, the following exchange is very natural:

Person A: 7 x 5は？ Person B: えーっと、35だ

This makes it a pretty versatile filler word! You can use it pretty much anywhere. Another example would be when you’re talking to yourself, trying to remember where you left your keys.

えーっと、鍵どこ置いたっけ？

On the other hand, あのー is much more specific. It can only be used when you’re taking time to figure out the best way to phrase something. For example, when you’re trying to get a stranger’s attention.

あのー、ちょっといいで��か？

In contrast, if Person A was addressed with 「えーっと、ちょっといいですか？」by Person B, they’d feel it was rude because instead of considering how to say something, B is considering what to say, which gives the impression that they hadn’t even figured out what they needed to ask before addressing Person A.

This gives 「あのー」 a more ”polite” feeling than 「えーっと」, even though neither is actually more polite than the other. They’re just used in different circumstances.

Let’s quickly look at the example with the lost keys again. If you replace the filler word:

あのー、鍵どこ置いたっけ？

It is very unnatural. The authors of the book jokingly say that it sounds like you’re talking to a ghost, because 「あのー」 is only used when you’re figuring out how to phrase something, and you wouldn’t worry about that if you’re talking to yourself.

Also, did you know even japanese children properly use each filler word in the correct situation? Despite almost all japanese people (even as adults) being unaware of this rule, they’re subconsciously abiding by it even as children - just from listening to their parents follow the same rules!

It really is amazing how good your subconscious mind is at acquiring language, and how terrible your conscious mind is at it. If you’re not already, I highly recommend integrating a lot of simple language content (e.g. youtube, kids shows, etc) into your study routine - listening to people talk is simply the fastest way to become fluent in your target language.

#langblr #japanese #language learning #language acquisition #japanese language #language #linguistics #learning japanese #japanese grammar #jimmy blogthong

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ganondoodle · 6 months

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so, inspired by the warm welcome the captain received with that rough doodle i posted, i made an updated design for Ki'ita as well (basic and with clothes)

i removed the piercings she had bc considering that they spend the majority of their time in arctic waters i think having metal directly in your skin is a bad idea, no matter how thick your blubber is; i also gave her typical white markings a green hue bc ... i liked how it looked and makes them stand out a little more

(i will not repeat what i wrote on the post about the captain but wanted to add a bit of more info about Ki'ita herself)

(i dont have ALL of their backstory done yet but) the captain and Ki'ita worked together in another organization, one in which the father of the captains child also worked at, before being betrayed and barely managing to escape, after which the both of them founded their pirate crew (possible name is the Solar Pirates bc of their solar powered boat stuff); since the captain had her daughter shortly afterwards Ki'ita managed most of the organisational matters at first, including the construction of their base on an abandoned island they had initially fled to

over the years they invented the solar powered ships that allowed them to gain control over a large part of an important trade route, leaving normal ships (mostly) alone but attacking those of hunters and similar, rescuing demons and mutants, even some humans from them, most of which also join the crew and it quickly lead to them becoming their own little community

Ki'ita does not like to spend alot of time among large groups of people, no matter how much she cares about them, and her originally being from norther lands gave her the idea to explore, and if viable, do underground missions in those norther areas to disrupt the infrastructure the hunters had built in recent years and overall keep the crew informed about things that may otherwise stay hidden; with each of their travels her time absent from the base increased but the patience of the captain is wearing thin so its likely a serious talk is underway on Ki'itas third solo mission she nearly died due to entanglement in abandoned nets made by hunters from an unknown material that she could not break, the massive scars on her tail especially come from that, only surviving bc the date they were supposed to return to the crew had passed and the captain grew to worried about her and made the entire crew rush into an emergency search, including the captain herself and her toddler, who were not suited for the cold climate just like the rest of crew, taking a huge risk that Ki'ita still feels ashamed of for causing; they stayed within the base for a whole year afterwards, not just to recover but also as a silent apology, taking time preparing herself to ensure theyd not get into a situation like that again

(before departing on their next mission the captain gifted her a sword with the blade made from the material of the net, a wooden handle, bc of the cold, and a blue wrap around it reminiscent of the captains striking blue teeth; a reminder of what had happened, a means to defend herself when their strength and teeth are not enough, and also a promise to always return again)

the oldest members of the crew know Ki'ita well and treat her like an old friend, among the newer members she has more of a .. cryptic status, the mysteriously absent vice-captain who only appears every few months or so out of thin air, throws a big party, sleeps for a few days and then vanishes again, the only hint to when they will return soon again being the captain getting noticably grumpier

(OC art, Ki'ita, she/they)

#ganondoodles #art #oc #original art #artists on tumblr #original character #character design #monster #man why do i keep writing such long texts #its not even that much i wrote here!!#sorry for the long post #idk if its good to write more about my ocs maybe i shouldnt? might make the post less rebloggable with so much text on it idk #right now im thinking about them actually having a kid together later on but i havent decided yet #their relationship is kinda out of the norm i guess #neither ever said they were in a relationship and neither does the crew know #and they are not overtly like a typical pair in love kinda thing #its hard to explain #they do love each other but its like super private while also not??#like they never say publicly that they love each other nor kiss #but when youd hear the news that the captains having another child and its from kiita youd be like yup that makes sense #(also her nickname is Kiki but only the captain knows that)#ANYWAY #sorry for this sudden disconnected oc spam #i love these lads #and im so happy i got their design down more coherently #i spent over and hour writing all this argh i wanted to get more sleep for once damn it #just now noticed i fked up kiitas arm there #man #dont draw when you are tired and need to sleep kids

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reverieaa · 1 year

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A change of clothes.

Man's biggest misconception is believing that manifestation is physical, that it's your job to make sure those manifestations show up.

If they don't, you're told to persist, think about it more, affirm robotically, try harder, and as a result, you end up walking in a trap of repeating and failing that many of us were victim of.

Then you tell yourself you're probably imaging it wrong, you're not affirming enough or maybe you're just not enough for your desires.

But this is NOT what loa is, not what Nevielle was teaching and not what Edward art is explaining.

When we say assume that you have your desire, we're talking about the 4d. It's only in your inner world where you can make things happen.

The law isn't about changing uour surroundings, it's about changing you because that's all there is.

I mentioned in my previous post that when I admitted to myself that I can't manifest, I felt this freedom within me, that's because I stopped forcing myself and stopped trying to find a way to make things happen.

Many of us keep the 3d alive because we're looking for an answer, but what you need to realize is thag you can't, you as the outer man, can't make a brand new face, you can't fly and you can't make things show up out of thin air.

But in your imagination you can do all of these things can't you? You can change your face, you can fly as high as you want, you can manifest in 5 sec, you can go to sleep jn New York and wake up in Paris.

That is the inner man, that is who you are, and that means you've been manifesting successfully this entire time.

The problem is not how vivildy you imagine, how much emotion you put into it, how much you affirm, it's what you pay attention to and feel to be the truth.

When people say they get results in 5sec, they do in the inner world, assumption can only live in the inner world, that's the only responsibility.

With me saying that you can't do something in this community, you'd believe it's a lie because loa bloggers always tell you there's nothing you can't do.

But you need to accept that yhe outer man is powerless, you as the outer man can do nothing, unlike the inner man.

By doing this, you let go of the 3D because the the outer man stops looking, don't tire him and leave him be.

All you can do is accept or let go.

When you wear something you don't like and you want to change, do you change your clothes to change your reflection or do you change it to change yourself?

Start with gentle reminders throughout your day that you're free to imagine what you wish, that there is no one else but you and that what you seek is never the actual object of your desires, but the feeling of it's truthfulness, it's reality.

Many of you have terrible 3D circumstances. This does not mean you ignore your 3D but you do not react to it. Just like Edward art said, you must learn how to go on about your daily life as an observer not a reactor.

Let me ask you this, you can imagine what you want and live as you want jn your mind, and sometimes you get negative or intrusive thoughts right? And what do you normally do when you have a thought like that? You notice it and let it go the next sec right? You've observed it but you didn't occupy it, you just thought of it as a stupid thought.

Why is your 3D different from that? It's not. You notice bad things in your reality all the time, but that does not mean that you occupy ot right?

Prioritize your 4D over the 3D. It takes time when you've lived your life being taught the opposite all the time, but it can surely happen.

This way, even if you spiral, you can get back up easily because you've learned that since your reality, beating yourself up when you're down is exactly what life will show back to you.

I remember reading a certain post from @aphroditeapprenticee that I related to a lot. They said that they thought once they mastered loa they would feel like the baddest bitch in the universe but now they ende dup feeling at peace, calm and in control.

I definitely feel the same way. I thought I'd feel powerful and like no one could touch me. I tried to force that on myself, but obviously, it didn't work. Instead, through the right understanding of loa, I ended up feeling right. I don't know how to explain it, but there was this sense of euphoria in the back of my mind like everything now was alright. I felt a sense of security and treated myself with a kind of gentleness I never received before.

That is because I gave myself permission and stopped a strict mental diet of checking every thought, affirming mindlesslly like a parrot ( as nevielle would put it) and blaming myself for the 3d.

Now reading about loa does not feel like work, I get excited to read loa posts from certain bloggers that helped me understand Neville's teachings.

So, to recap this post:

your only power and responsibility you have and can have is you. There is nothing you need to change or can change, but the conception of yourself. You can only accept or deny, only feel or observe.

The way you leave the 3d alone is by leaving the outer man alone. Let him be, and don't make him go around looking for something he is too limited to see.

If you're spiraling because of it, you're either using the 3D self go look or you're using imagination to change your circumstances.

Loa isn't just a tool you use and leave once you get what you want. It's a journey that requires the death of your limited self, your previous beliefs, and the bravery to face yourself.

#loa #law of assumption #loa affirmations #affirmations #affirm and persist #neville goddard #manifesting #manifestation #void state #loa methods

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luvfy0dor · 6 days

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Heyy, I was thinking about a concept with Fyodor (or whoever from BSD) having a streamer bf, but like, one of -those- streamers where every word they say can be quite questionable (in a “good” way/ironically). For some reason it amuses me to imagine it with Fyodor and Reader occasionally teasing him, calling him their ‘discord kitten’ or streaming for 5 hours (or more lol) saying nonsenses or playing video games instead of paying attention to Fyodor. What do you think?

“Get Off The Game ♡⁠˖” BSD x GN!Reader ੈ✩‧₊˚

╰┈➤ Fyodor Dostoevsky, Dazai Osamu

Warnings;

Description; BSD men with a streamer!reader

A/n; these are in headcannon form, I hope that's alright!!! I think Dazai or Nikolai would be a better person to have this occupation w so I also did headcannons for one of them

Fyodor Dostoevsky ★

• Fyodor thinks it's stupid at first, but when he realized you made money from it he learned to tolerate it. He wasn't too fond of the noise, though.

• I don't think he was too fond of the nickname 'discord kitten', always raising an eyebrow when he's called that, he also strongly dislikes brainrot cause what do you mean you're so sigma? No you're not, you're y/n. That's unrelated, but I thought I'd add that in there.

• "A discord what? Kitten? What even is that? I am nothing of the such."

• Catch him dead before he makes an appearance on camera, he much prefers to keep his business private. He doesn't mind you talking about him though, he loves that. He loves that people know you're already taken by him and that all those losers in your chat don't have a chance with you.

• Sometimes he'll watch your streams from a different room in attempt to understand your work and the art of gaming. He enjoys when you play horror games, especially the ones that get you thinking. He sometimes finds your facial expressions when you get jumpscared funnier than anything else in the stream.

• When it comes to the duration of your streams, Fyodor can entertain himself for as long as you need him to, but he can't help but feel like he'd rather be spending that time with you every now and again.

• He usually just takes the time to work on his DOA stuff, and occasionally he'll get so lost in it that he doesn't even realized you've finished with your stream and on whenever that happens, you make some tea and go to fetch him to spend some quality time together, whether it's you laying in his lap while you both read a book or having a conversation about whatever comes to mind

Dazai Osamu ★

• Dazai is your #1 supporter since day one. There's a conversation going on about content creators? He's immediately bringing you up. You need new items for your set up? He's manifesting that said items go on sale ASAP!

• Oh my god, and he LOVES it when you get recognized in public. He's very prideful of you and likes that it's only him and a select group of people that get to see the real you outside of the camera frame.

• He, unlike Fyodor, does have an issue with the long hours, so he busies himself with the ADA and otherwise to keep himself from walking in and talking your ear off while you play your games for umpteen thousand people.

• He doesn't despise being called a discord kitten, but it does confuse him a little bit. But whatever, as long as you have 'my' in front of any name he doesn't care.

• Dazai watches your old streams when he's bored and can't help but giggle at the out of pocket or questionable things you say. He likes to watch the compilations of you on YouTube, too.

• Sometimes he'll quote you out of the blue.

• He doesn't like people trying to flirt with you or talk to you on the Internet as any partner wouldn't, so he is in the comment section of every post reading through individual comments. Type guy to see '❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥❤️‍🔥' comments on your posts and reply '🧯🧯🧯'

• All in all, Dazai is well received by your fanbase, especially the ones who don't try to romance you and are normal. They think he's funny and a good match for you.

A/n; I hope it wasn't to short!!! I thought it was a cutsey idea, I think Nikolai would be pretty similar to Dazai in this scemario.

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strongheartneteyam · 9 months

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[ all credits of the Neteyam pic go to the incredibly talented @cinetrix ♡]

Champagne Problems

Part 2

Pairing: Neteyam Sully x female!human!reader

CW: neteyam is a simp for reader, black cat gf/golden retriever bf "trope", a whole lot of angst, beach party, use of alcohol, some romantic comedy vibes, neteyam acting a bit cocky lol, reader is a tiny bit of a meanie towards neteyam, sexual language, sexual content, reader is a bit antisocial, flirting, emotionally unavailable bc of trauma reader, unrequited love (neteyam is the one having the unrequited feelings), sexual tension, commitment issues, exophilia, size kink, interspecies relationship, bad words. Hit me up to lemme know if I forgot something ahaha

Do you guys remember the story inspired by Champagne Problems by Taylor Swift that I promised like ages ago? Well... The first part is here? 🤓 A lot of people seemed to be excited to read this when I posted that sneak peak. Hope you guys like it! kiss kiss 💗

Neteyam and Reader (AI Art)

Slightly proofread.

Part 1 : Say Yes to Heaven

𓇼

If you dance, I'll dance

And if you don't, I'll dance anyway

Give peace a chance

Let the fear you have fall away

I've got my eye on you

(...)

Say yes to Heaven, say yes to me

Say Yes To Heaven (Lana Del Rey)

𓇼

"It's not like you're not gonna break me in half if we try to get down and dirty." You laugh a bit too much, the alcohol invading your brain slowly, making you care less and less about behaving in a "socially acceptable" way. Though you wondered if your not-a-bit-elegant-honesty mattered at all to Neteyam Sully, the na'vi boy sitting in the maroon leather couch, by your side, his huge size making the couch look ridiculously small. He was na'vi, after all. Totally different culture. The na'vi were way more upfront about their real thoughts and feelings.

Neteyam had been talking loudly, almost yelling, at your ear for the past 40 minutes, trying to make his voice sound louder than the party's music, so you could hear him try to convince you to hook up with him. As if the loud uplifting songs that echoed in the salty air of that Metkayina beach were not enough to bug your tired head, now you had Neteyam helping your headache get worse.

"That doesn't mean you can't let me take you home. Or even let me make you my mate, eventually, if we end up falling in love while we fuck under the starry sky. You might like laying with me in my hammock and letting me pleasure you more than you think. Maybe you'll want to be my girl once you get a taste of this na'vi spice" He was joking around with you while flirting.

His thick, muscular but still fleshy thighs were spread on the sofa way too much to your liking. It was almost like he was trying to show you how masculine or desirable - some bullshit like that - he was. You know, that kind of thing a lot of guys usually do when trying to seduce you.

You knew Neteyam was aware he was handsome, that his body was attractive. He had always had girls - na'vi and human - all over him since he was a teen, drooling over his beauty.

But if he thought his loverboy flirting that must have worked so easily with just way too many girls before was gonna work that easily with you, he was mistaken.

Okay, you had to admit he was being pretty insistent, though. Neteyam had been there for almost an hour already. You did not understand what was making him insist that much on you if you had an armor as impenetrable as the one of a human warrior of the Middle Ages, back on Earth. And those armors were really hard to get under.

"Listen" you took a last big sip of your champagne and put the glass cup on the wooden table next to the sofa "When you gonna give up, honey? It's not gonna work. I'm not hooking up with you." You looked him in the eyes.

Goddamn, were his orbs big compared to the ones of a human.

They were beautiful, though.

Damn, (y/n)! Focus, girl!

"I'm known among my people for being disciplined, focused and getting what I want because I fight hard for it. You're my focus now, tawtute." (human) I'm not giving up on you. You're like my Ikran. You're wild and hard to get but I'll conquer you, sevin tawtute." (pretty human) "On the first try."

"Cocky much?" You smirked and shook your head in disapproval "No, but, seriously, Neteyam, are you out of your mind? Have you forgotten about tsaheylu? I don't have a neurological queue, babe. I know I have many braids in my hair," You pointed out your hairstyle "but they're all regular human braids. None of them have little tendrils on its tip. Sorry, Neteyam. We're Romeo and Juliet. And Juliet doesn't even love Romeo in this story. You're deemed to heartbreak." You said, like you could not care less about his attempts to win you over, sipping on your sparkling champagne, that went down your throat comfortably, making you feel cozy and safe. It wasn't gonna work, anyway.

You liked champagne a bit too much... you had to admit it was very possible that you had a bit of a drinking problem. Alcohol made you feel warm inside. In an emotional way too. It felt like someone was hugging you, when you would not let many real people hug you because you just were not exactly enthusiastic about having physical contact with just anyone. You only let your closest friends and some family members, like your little sister, hug you.

Some people would often call you "cold" and say that you acted "like a queen, above everyone else", behind your back, but that could not be further from the truth. You actually hated how low your actual self steem was.

"Why don't you look at Munì?" You mentioned the curvy, tall, blue eyed Metkayina girl who clearly had a mad crush on Neteyam. She was incredibly pretty. Nobody could deny that. "She has been drooling over you ever since you got here. Give the poor girl a chance. She's such a cutie. If I liked girls, I'd easily do her. Look at those beautiful, long, toned legs. Look at her wide hips. Damn, she's yummy!" you were drinking too much, your honesty getting way too out there.

"I don't want her. I want you." He spoke, like he really meant it. "My hammock will be hanged between those two big trees you like to collect fruits from. I'll be waiting for you, if you want to meet me."

With that last line being said, Neteyam got up from the sofa and walked away, swiftly finding his younger brother Lo'ak and tapping on his back, like men usually do. Both brothers started what looked like an interesting conversation.

You were left alone wondering how Neteyam could say those words and walk away so nonchalantly.

"Phew! I thought he'd never leave, girlie." Adeline screamed, coming closer to you.

She was your best friend. You guys knew way too much about each other, but that only drove you closer and made you two have a beautiful bond that felt unbreakable. She was one of the few people in the world you trusted with many of your secrets. But not even she knew everything about you. Yes, talk about trust issues…

"God, I was about to call his sister to take him away! Kiri is much more chill and quiet compared to her siblings. She's a sweetheart." You said, finally letting your guard down and being able to relax your body language, laying back on the couch and resting your bare feet on the wooden dark brown table in front of you

𓇼

You cursed yourself while you walked towards Neteyam's big light brown hammock, hanged between two big beautiful trees that reminded you of the Palm Trees that used to exist on Planet Earth.

Why were you doing that, anyway?

"Tawtute! You came." Neteyam smiled, relief all over his face

You sighed.

"Yeah, but I'm still wondering why I did."

"Ouch!" He put his huge four fingered hand on his chest and frowned, like he was in pain

You rolled your eyes at him.

"Stop that, silly." Crossing your arms, you walked towards the big tropical tree in front of his hammock but still a little far

"Hey! Where are you going?" Neteyam almost screamed as you were already further away from him than you should be if you were actually gonna have sex with him

It was like you were running away from and showing up to the "job" at the same time. Go figure out.

You rested your back against that large tree, feeling the rough edges of the wood harassing your skin.

Neteyam was already almost there where you were. His long na'vi legs helped him walk faster than you anticipated.

Neteyam got next to you. You felt a little fear but a bit of excitement, simultaneously, when you realized your head only reached his hip.

Fuck, he was a giant next to you… why the hell did that turn you on?

"Are you afraid of me, yawntutsyìp?" (little loved one) Neteyam said in a lewd, low voice as you looked at him, feeling like a pathetic little ant looking up at a human

Was that how ants felt?

"No, silly, I'm not." You looked away from him and tried to focus on the way the eclipse had beautiful violet and blue tones

That almost worked. If it wasn't for Neteyam using his huge alien hand to stroke your hair softly.

"You're so pretty, tawtute." You could feel his gaze directed at you, you could feel his heat burning your skin. The desire he felt for you was almost freaking tangible.

You kept your eyes on the stars.

"You're not gonna look at me, yawntutsyìp? Lemme see those pretty eyes, hmm?" Fuck, he was turning you on so much, your pussy felt good already and there was a tight knot forming in your lower belly. How did he do that to you with so little effort?

You looked up at Neteyam's face, your neck hurting. You did not expect to see a big bulge under his navy blue loincloth, though. Neteyam was so huge you could not help staring and your face totally betrayed your surprise.

"C'mon, I wanna feel your tiny body on mine." He paused and his big blue hand traced your collarbone and your shoulders "You're so small, tawtute… Hmmm…" he let out something between a moan and a growl "So soft too." Neteyam squeezed your arm, feeling your soft human flesh against his slender fingers "I love how different from na'vi girls you are. I'm so lucky to have you all to myself tonight."

Your breath was now labored and your pussy was soaked. Your poor panties were all wet.

"I'm dying to squeeze those titties. They look incredibly soft. But I won't do anything that intimate before you say "yes" first, yawntutsyìp."

•

Taglist:

@yeosxxx (u asked to be tagged in all my writings so I'm tagging u here hehe)

Comments are very welcome. I love all of you who take time to read my writings ♡ Thank you all so much from the bottom of my heart. If you wanna be added to the taglist, just leave a comment down below <3

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epickiya722 · 10 months

Text

Actually, now I'm thinking about it, it's odd to me that Midoriya and Uraraka look similar and maybe that's on purpose.

Round eyes & face

Facial marks (Freckles for Midoriya, blush stickers for Uraraka)

"Brunette" (green hair is considered being a brunet/te in anime logic)

Shorter than the others

Now given that, what if Uraraka "falling in love" with Midoriya wasn't her actually falling in love? What if it was her having a self-reflection and accepting herself?

Further thinking about it... they're practically the same person.

They're both compassionate, kind. They learn to adapt to changes. They're cute, but they're vicious if pushed far enough. They won't give up on people or in a fight. Hell, they both float, use long range attacks, and close range ones. Works in teams of three (Uraraka-Asui-Hado, Midoriya-Bakugou-Todoroki) under a top Pro Hero.

And they both "rival" some feral blond that they don't act "normal" around.

What if Midoriya wasn't meant to be Uraraka's crush but her mirror? Mind you whenever someone points out her "crush" it's not someone you would turn to for love advice.

Aoyama is Aoyama (think about that reveal), Ashido practically ships anybody with anybody when there's no real chemistry, and Toga has a twisted concept of love.

You really think I would trust any of them on telling me I have a "crush"?

There's also the fact that Uraraka herself during her talk with Midoriya says they're both "oddballs". That whole talk during 342 comes off more as someone talking about their feelings about their identity and relating to a friend who feels the same about themselves than supposedly "romantic". When someone is called an "oddball", it means that person is "weird". They're not part of the "norm".

Sometimes it comes off as having different interests, like someone liking the arts unlike the majority of the group who likes sports.

Or it's someone who identifies as queer.

What if these last few chapters of Toga and Uraraka was Uraraka accepting herself?

@darkcircles4lyfe points out a detail that I didn't catch until now in this post here.

In this scene, Toga has a hold of that All Might keychain. We know it's of importance to Uraraka because Midoriya gave it to her. We also know that once before Uraraka snatched it away from her when Toga first got a hold of it during the PLF War Arc. Here, she doesn't do it. Granted, because she's bang the hell up and probably even isn't aware of her surroundings. But on Horikoshi's part, what if that's on purpose? What if here, Toga is taking the keychain as a way of saying Uraraka is finally accepting herself and her feelings? That Midoriya was that mirror she kept looking into and questioning until this very moment?

And let's be honest here, it's not like Horikoshi isn't incapable of writing M/F ships. I just think IzuOcha is a ship he doesn't intend to make romantic because of how underdeveloped it is.

Compare it to Kamijirou and Kirimina, it is pale. Also, make note of those two pairs.

The characters in those ships also have opposing physical features.

Kamijirou - dark and light hair colors, the extrovert and the introvert

Kirimina - Spiky hair and curly hair, sharp edges and round curves

A lot of pairs Horikoshi puts together in which the characters are close (romantic or platonic) have some opposing features to them.

Gentle Crimimal and La Brava - tall and short, dark hair and light hair, one is more hands on and the other isn't

Eraser Head & Present Mic - quiet and loud, dark hair and light hair, close combat & long range

Bakugou's and Jiro's parents - quiet & loud, dark hair and light hair

It's his shtick.

But for Midoriya and Uraraka? They are just genderbend versions of each other!

That's really all I have to say here. And if you disagree, fine. Don't care for the input though, keep it to yourselves. (I say this because some of you are just damn disrespectful.)

I myself don't think IzuOcha is a bad ship, but I just don't think it's a ship Horikoshi has on his agenda. Let alone wants the audience to perceive them as "romantic" but as a "mirror".

#didn't intend for this to get as long as it did #just kiya's thoughts #bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #midoriya izuku #uraraka ochako #uraraka ochaco #bnha spoilers #bnha manga spoilers #bnha 395 #bnha 342 #togachaco #togachako #bakudeku

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ao3commentoftheday · 5 months

Note

Hello there! This question isn’t so much about popularity as it is about feeling lonely in fandom spaces. I’m in a relatively small fandom where it’s easy to “run into” the same users who write fanfic and draw fanart a lot. Over the years I’ve tried doing all the usual things to make fandom friends, like commenting a LOT on fanfic when new works are posted, being friendly in my author’s notes, being friendly on tumblr, complimenting artists works and reblogging and just generally trying to share the love so to speak.

People will reblog my art on here, but on AO3 I tend to get crickets on most of my stuff. Especially on fics for my OTP. My OTP is notttt popular in the fandom. It’s actually a lot of people’s NOTP because it “takes away” from the canon couple. I’ve accepted a long time ago that I’m going to get less readers because of the shipping stuff alone. But even on my works that aren’t shipping focused at all, it’s just crickets.

It just kinda sucks to try so hard to make fandom buddies and see them all having fun together and constantly feel like the kid sitting alone in the corner. I keep wondering if people in the fandom don’t like my fics just because of the shipping thing because I know I’m not a bad writer. But like I said, I’ve tried reaching out to people, be encouraging and show joy at what they create, but I just keep wondering what I’m doing wrong to make fellow fans not want to be friends with me. I’ve been focusing on just doing my own thing but yeah, it sucks not having anybody to fangirl with.

First of all anon, *hugs*. Being lonely sucks, and I'm sorry to hear you're in that situation.

When it comes to the other folks in your fandom, I don't think it's necessarily that they don't want to be friends with you. I think you might just need to do a little extra legwork to get in the friendship door.

It's not really fair, but it is kind of human nature, that if there is a perceived difference with someone else, we tend to keep them at a bit of a distance. It doesn't mean we dislike them! It just means that it takes more effort for us to get past that difference and see them as a friend. The more we do it, of course, the easier it gets and you might not even notice the hiccup anymore - in person.

You're probably in the "acquaintance zone," if you'll allow me to use the phrase. People probably have a generally positive impression of you because you're nice and you're friendly and you're encouraging. But if most of their conversations are happening in a ship-centric venue, for example, then you're not going to have access to the full spectrum of community with them.

You mention that other folks see your OTP as a NOTP. Do you feel the same way in reverse? They might assume that you do, and that's what's keeping you out of those convos. If you actually don't mind their ship and simply prefer your own, you could always attempt to make a foray in that direction? Let them know you don't mind being exposed to their shipping talk?

Another thing you could try would be to identify the multishippers. In my experience, those are the folks who are most open to befriending folks who don't ship the main pairing. They can see possibilities all over the place, and they're happy to be exposed to new ideas.

Small fandoms can be rough when you're into a niche part of it ❤️ Let's see how others handle your situation.

You can also find this question and answer on Dreamwidth.

#asks and answers

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dodgeballstuckonthegymceiling · 6 months

Note

Okay I just watch digital circus because of your post and it was a blast and I love the character and the idea of a scenario came to me

Caine, Pomni, Jax, Ragatha, with an actor reader who loves to play into the adventures and play NPCs to set up the immersion maybe even write up some ideas for Adventures to make things more fun

Anyways have a great day night whatever and thanks for the fun writings

Thank you! Hope I did your ask justice!

Caine, Pomni, Jax and Ragatha x Reader who makes NPCs and writes

Caine

★ He really appreciates your help! It's hard work making up games for everyone to play while taking into account everyone's preferences. No matter how much you protest, he will use each and every idea you come up with.

★ Caine sets up a little studio for you to work in. It's filled with paper, multiple typewriterband all sorts of art supplies. Maybe some clay for you to build some models of a character you want to create?

★ You're NPCs are always great and often end up being a hit with the others. By that I mean the gang tolerates them more than his NPCs. You manage to give them more personally than he could have ever given.

★ If you somehow get Zooble to join in the fun he will congratulate you for doing a good job. His hat is off to you, you did something he thought was impossible. Now only if you could get Zooble to stop trying to swear...

★ I know the NPCs don't have any ai but Gooseworx confirmed that Bubble is a much simpler AI created by Caine. Therefore, he can theoretically make one of your characters come to life.

Pomni

★ At first she thought that the characters you make were real people. Once you told her that they were nothing but glorified puppets she had to question the sentience of everyone she's met so far.

★ You gotta make this girl a therapist. Aside from that it doesn't take her long to start asking questions about why you like to make different characters and stories.

★ She's not as creative as you, doesn't really understand the appeal of creating something like you do. The most she can do is come up with a few names.

★ Despite knowing that they aren't real people, Pomni still apologizes to the NPCs. It's force of habit. Maybe you could add some dialogue for if/when someone apologizes for something?

★ If we're being completely honest, she doesn't really like any of the NPCs. It just feels wrong when she needs to talk to them for something. It's like speaking to one of those robotic pre-recorded messages over the phone.

Jax

★ He's extra mean to the NPCs you make, just because he can. He knows that they can't get offended or upset but he doesn't care. They will be getting pushed into the mud.

★ When you decide to scrap an old character he gladly helps. The moment you say you need to get rid of it he's reaching for the nearest baseball bat. No need to worry about cleaning up 👍

Jax when the NPC starts to annoy him

★ Jax thinks it's funny when you get upset over him being mean to a NPC because you've grown attached to some of them.

★After that he asks you what you plan to make next. Can you blame him for being curious? Jax wants to know what you're planning before anyone else. Don't worry, he can keep a secret.

★ As a "joke" he told you to try and make a NPC that Caine would need to heavily censor. Just to see what the ringmaster would do. Whatever you made that day was thrown into the cellar.

Ragatha

★ She likes to watch you make different characters for certain situations. Caine wants to set up a fishing adventure? Best believe you are making an NPC who's a fisherman to set up the immersion.

★ You might overwork yourself while trying to come up with a game for everyone to play. Ragatha sometimes needs to step in to tell you to take a break. There's no use overworking yourself, go take a break!

★ She really wants everyone to have fun with the adventures you put together. There's no doubt that she loves them. Also she's the first person to yell at Jax for being mean to the NPCs.

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rendy-a · 3 months

Note

Could I request a self aware twst au with like the first years :D?

I want to thank all the people who interacted with that post earlier today. It gave me enough motivation to go out and finish this piece.

While trying to think up concepts for this work, it occured to me that all the first years (except Ortho) were in sports clubs. That means there is one event perfect for you to bond with your first year friends.

Ace kicks a pile of canvas laying in a heap at his feet, “This is ridiculous! What if something happens while we’re gone!” His mouth twists into an unpleasant grimace. He looks to his basketball club members for backup, but no one will meet his eye. So, he turns to where he knows he’ll find support. “Oi, Sebek!” The green haired fae is distractedly pounding away at a tent stake nearby but it is easy to see from his expression that his heart isn’t in it. “What happens if someone tries to kidnap the Player when we aren’t there to protect them? You know how famous they are!” Sebek stops hammering and slowly looks up, tears forming in his eyes.

“SILVER! SILVER!” he shouts to his clubmate, “What if I’m not there to protect the Player! Forget this event, we must return to the school with ALL HASTE!” He looks to his fellows for support but again, none of the senior students stop what they are doing. Ace, however, is fast to abandon his own camping site and join Sebek. “Right, right?” he eagerly urges Sebek on, “What does this even matter if our Player isn’t here to see it?”

“Stop it,” the sturdy voice of Jack growls, “It doesn’t pay to get worked up over it. This is in the story, so we have to do it. That’s just how it is.” Sebek stares at the wolf beastman silently, tears falling from his eyes. “Maybe we can tell them about it later!” Deuce tries to cheer his fellow freshman up, “I’m sure they’d like to hear about it. They always listened to my card stories before…well before it happened. I think they’d like to hear about this too!” At that Sebek seemed mightily cheered and returned to setting up his tent with gusto, muttering about what he’d tell the Player about later. Ace scoffs, sensing his defeat and returns bitterly to his own site.

Epel wanders over and observes Ace silently. “You finished?” Ace asks in surprise. “Yeah, Leona is a great leader and took charge of getting us set up right away!” Epel informs him, “I had time to put up my tent and help Ruggie set up one for Leona too!” Then he looks down and kicks Ace’s sad abandoned tent as well, “I just wish the Player was here to see it. I bet they’d have been really impressed with how fast I finished.” Ace frowns and complains, “But they aren’t here. They are back at school with the Arts Clubs.” This causes Epel to scowl deeply, “Dagnabit! I didn’t need a reminder of that! I can just picture those frou-frou artsy types trying to suck up to the Player. Trying to get them to talk different, eat different, just…” He doesn’t finish the thought but the way he grinds his teeth shows how he feels about the idea.

The sound of pounding tent stakes and shifting canvas is diminished when the booming voice of Coach Vargas booms out, “Listen up, young campers! Now, I know you don’t need any additional motivation to showcase your strength and fortitude here after I’ve done an AMAZING job setting up this EXCITING AND ENTERTAINING EVENT!” Here he pauses and casts a quick look over his shoulder before straightening up again. “But if you do!” Then he smiles a beaming smile and sets his hands on his hips. That’s when you pop out from behind him, “Hey guys! Guess who’s here to do their memory keeper duties!”

Ace jumps over his canvas pile in a rush to get to your side and stumbles over it. “Woah, calm down,” you admonish him cheerily, “I’ll be here all weekend.” Epel asks in an innocent sounding voice, “You will? You really will?” You pat the two boys on the shoulder and search out your other first year friends in the crowd. Sebek is sobbing quietly in front of his tent and Deuce is waving excitedly from the distant track club area. Jack gives you a small nod before turning back to his area as though he is unaffected by your appearance, but the cloud of dust kicked up by his wagging tail says otherwise.

You turn toward Vargas and look expectantly. He looks blankly back at you until you awkwardly say, “Go on.” He looks at you a moment before clearing his throat, “Ah yes, yes. Harumph! Anyway, tents are up! Get over here and listen up for your next task!” Then he looks at you as though seeking your approval to hand out the task. You shrug and then nod as though to say, ‘Sure, go for it.’ Vargas gives you a toothy smile and then proceeds to hand out a familiar sounding explanation about the tasks to be assigned to the clubs. You wave lightly before heading back to the cabin to get your own things sorted out. The eagerness of the students fades as fast as your departure.

“So…,” Deuce begins carefully, “We are going to try now? Right?” He looks at Ace for confirmation. Jack snorts behind him, “I was always going to try.” Then he makes a fist and puts on an eager smile, “I’m going to knock this challenge out so fast that the Player can’t help but notice me!” Deuce turns away from Ace to join Jack instead. The two Track Club members fire each other up over their plans to dominate the camp tasks and stand out to the Player. Deuce quickly becomes so distracted by this that he forgets Ace entirely. This is just the chance Ace has been waiting for to quietly slip away.

“So, Prefect,” Ace begins as he appears at your side. You yelp and drop your backpack, catching it before it hits the ground and damages your precious ghost camera. “Ace!” you shout, “What are you doing here? This isn’t in the event!” He looks at you quietly and you quickly backtrack, “I…I mean, shouldn’t you be with the Basketball Club doing…something?” Ace smiles, happy to have avoided an awkward situation. “Nah, I’m not going to mess around in the woods. It’s a team effort, so as long as those other guys do the grunt work, I’ll be fine.” You roll your eyes at his attitude. “Plus, why would I want to be anywhere but with my best buddy, eh Prefect?”

You consider this carefully before slyly narrowing your eyes and gesturing to your unbuilt tent. “Sure, thing, Pal. Why don’t you hang out and help me build my tent.” Ace grimaces, not wanting to do the work but mostly afraid you’ll pick up on his lack of tent-building expertise. The odd standoff is concluded when you hear Coach Vargus bellow, “Nonsense! That won’t do for either of you! I can hardly deprive the Prefect of the chance to enjoy this stimulating muscle-building activity and as for you Ace, well, you are just slacking off.” Ace starts to stammer as you just stand there cringing. Coach Vargus calmly approaches Ace and lifts him up by his collar. It reminds you of how you lift a misbehaving Grim by the scruff of his neck. You wave awkwardly at the departing Ace as he looks imploringly at you from the Coach’s grasp. ‘Oh well, you reap what you sow,’ you think.

A tiring amount of time later, you brush your hands off on your thighs and declare, “There, done!” Then you slowly head over to grab your pack holding the Ghost Camera, among other supplies. The sun is barely at its peak, but you are already sweating with exertion from putting up the tent. You wonder how your more athletic friends among the first-year students are handling it. You know they are more used to the effort, but you hope they are taking necessary precautions. Perhaps you’d just remind them and see if they need to borrow some sunscreen.

You know realize that sunscreen was the least of your safety concerns. You watch in disbelief as Sebek continues to scale a sheer cliff in search of a lantern blossom flower. The reaction of the nearby students was mixed. Silver seemed remarkably unconcerned as he spoke to Riddle nearby. Meanwhile, you and several NPC characters were more nervous. “He is going to fall, isn’t he?” you ask the nearby Scarabia A. He looks at you for a long moment and then shrugs his shoulders. You are not reassured at all.

You turn instead to Ignihyde C and gesture, “This game doesn’t have a mature rating, so he can’t die. Right? Right?” The surprised student looks at you with his mouth falling open before he stammers, “R.right.” Then he looks up at the precarious position of the green haired fae and mumbles, “But maybe you should cheer him on anyway.” You look more intently at the NPC and demand, “Do you think that would help?” He answers you in a fluster, “W..well, if my oshi…I mean friend…if my friend cheered me on, I think it would really help me do my best!”

Right. That is just the sort of thing friends do. “HEY SEBEK!” you shout. The fae somehow hears you shout and looks arrogantly over his shoulder at the spectators but when his eye catches your form, he shakes, and you fear he will tumble from the cliff. “HOLD ON SEBEK, YOU CAN DO IT! I BELIEVE IN YOU!” From even the great distance between you, the image of determination that crosses his expression can be seen. He sets off with a renewed vigor, making daring transitions and finding ways to make speedy progress. With several movements that make you gasp and hold your breath; he reaches the lantern blossom and plucks it from the ground.

Much faster than the ascent, Sebek’s return to the ground was accomplished quite shortly. He was still a considerable distance up when he leaps from the cliff edge to race to your side and show off his prize. He eagerly holds out the glowing lantern blossom for you to view. “Its so pretty,” you comment politely, “I wish I had one.” He gasps and grabs hold of your hand, forcing the poor battered flower into it. “THEN YOU MUST HAVE THIS ONE!” You give him a shocked look, “No really, that is unnecessary. I’ll get one some other day.” He smiles at you smugly, “No need Prefect. Any time you need a lantern blossom, I will fetch one for you.” You guiltily hold out the flower to one student after another, but no member of the Horseback Riding Club will take it from you. “Prefect,” Riddle finally says in a commanding voice, “Its rude to return a gift. We are more than capable of retrieving another lantern blossom.” Sebek and Silver nod in agreement, backing up the Dorm Leader. You think it’s time to go before you cause this club any more trouble. You make your excuses and dash off to the lake.

As you part a pair of branches and emerge from the forest at the lake’s edge, you catch sight of some members of the Spelldrive Club nearby. Ruggie seems to be fishing up a storm while your first-year friend Epel watches from nearby with his own pole. “See,” Ruggie tells his underclassman, “That’s how its done. Now in return for that free lesson, how about you show me what you learned by catching enough fish for the rest of the club! Shishishi!” You roll your eyes at the obvious attempt to foist the work off onto Epel but are surprised with your friend shouts “YES SIR!” with enthusiasm. You catch Ruggie’s eye and give him a quiet tsk tsk which only earns you a mischievous wink before the hyena beastman set’s off toward camp.

You slowly saunter over to Epel, who is fully engaged in his fishing. “So, got a plan?” you asked over his shoulder. “Eh!?” he gasps and drops his pole, “Player! I..I mean Prefect! It’s you! Ya’ had me surprised outta my skin there!” You give him an apologetic smile. Epel stoops down to retrieve his pole and shyly replies, “My plan is just to catch the fish. I’m not going to give up until I’ve caught at least a dozen!” Then he holds up his arm and bends it at the elbow, giving you a little flex to show off his determination. You hold in a laugh, “Well, if you are that fired up, why stop at only one dozen?”

Epel’s eyes go wide for a moment and then he gets a maniacal grin. “Yeah! You’re right! I’m going to catch you at least two dozen fish! Or maybe three or four!” You know Epel is not the type to break his word, so you quickly interrupt to calm down his ambitions, “One dozen is enough! I was just joking.” You wave your hands toward the ground as though to say, let’s lower our expectations. Epel frowns and mutters under his breath, “That isn’t going to impress anyone.” Then he looks at you determined, “Just wait and see! I’ll catch plenty of fish so don’t go eat’n with any other club! When tha fish are in tha bag, I’ll make ya Gram’s special fish stew!”

As Epel gets to work, casting his line and reeling in the lure, you sit beside him on a rock. When the time seems right, you snap a picture of him eagerly lifting a small fish from the lake on his line. “There you go! One down!” you say as you transfer the ghost camera to your elbow and give him a small clap of encouragement. He preens a short second before frowning down at the small fish. “Tha’ next ‘un will be twice as big!” he shouts in determination before casting his line again.

True to his prediction, soon Epel gets a tremendous tug on his pole. You both shout and leap to your feet at the strength of the fish that appears to be on the line. “WOAH!” Epel shouts. You lean over the edge of the lake, trying to see the monster fish Epel has snagged. Epel too seems interested in his opponent and plans one foot firmly while leaning forward to stare intently where his line entered the lake. With a sudden flash, a scaled hand emerges from the lake to grab the tip of Epel’s rod and tugs Epel, pole and all, into the lake. You quickly slide back as far more of Floyd emerges from the lake. He gives you a toothy smile before his trademark laugh emerges and he returns to the lake. Epel does not immediately surface, and you are concerned for a moment before you spot him further down the shore. Though he has concealed himself behind a log, you can tell his ears are flushed with embarrassment. You kindly decide to give him his space.

Halfway to camp, your stomach begins to growl. You thought sadly about Gran’s special fish stew, now beyond your reach. You hoped that you’d manage to sweet talk some fish off someone. They were your friends, so someone is bound to share, right?

The size of Deuce’s eyes when you asked him sweetly if he’d share his food with you rivaled that of the empty plate you held out to him. “Please?” you finish your plea for lunch. Deuce flushes and quickly removes his pack from his shoulder, pulling out a fairly large fish. “No problem, Prefect, I’ve got enough for two here!” You make a little gesture to celebrate your victory and compliment him, “Yeah! Great job catching such a big fish. It looks so huge, I bet its even enough for three people!” Immediately Deuce denies this, “NO! NO, IT’S NOT!” When you pull back in surprise, Deuce continues in a softer voice, “I…I mean this one is just perfect for two. It…its just meant for us. To share. Together.”

You hold up your hands and agree, “Sure, sure. Just you and me. I get you.” Deuce seems so very pleased by your response that you decide to just let his strange response slide. Plus, you need him to cook that fish. “So…what are you making? You know, just for us to share?” you ask as you saddle up to his side? Deuce looks back and forth between you and the fish, “I sure know how to cook this. Yup, I really do.” Your mouth falls into a little O and then you glare at him suspiciously, “Deuce, do you know how to cook fish?” He doesn’t meet your eye but assures you that Trey taught him some recipes. You still have your suspicious but figure if it was a Trey recipe, it would be alright.

“So, what do we do?” you ask Deuce. He looks at you with a dreamy expression, “We? You’re going to cook with me?” You shrug your shoulders, “I mean yeah, that’s how Trey’s recipes are, right?” Then you lean in close and whisper, “Like…Like in the game when we made that chestnut tart together. Right?” Deuce quickly agrees, “Right! Together! You and me! Just…you and me… Ahem!” He finishes with a cough and then, to your relief, sends you to the forest to collect some herbs.

You had a handful of samples and a general area to search for more. Apparently, Jack had scented some out while setting up camp and taken cuttings so his clubmates could retrieve more later. You smiled at the foresight of the first-year student. You weren’t sure exactly what Deuce needed, so you gathered a few handfuls of each type. You walk back to the camp and set your bounty on the table next to the fish Deuce has prepared. It looks like he’s used the time you were away to fillet the fish and make a simple dough. Seeing the dough gives you confidence that this really is a Trey recipe.

“So, what now?” you ask him. “Chop up the herbs and mix them into a paste with water,” Deuce directs. “Sure,” you say while gesturing to the pile, “but which ones?” Deuce pauses and looks at the large pile of greens you have sitting there. “Oh…um…All of them!” Now your doubts are back. “Are you sure about that?” you ask him carefully. “Yeah!” Deuce replies confidently, “Just like Trey says, the more the merrier!” You carefully take two sprigs of herbs and chop them up and then, while Deuce is preoccupied with the dough, give them a taste. Honestly, the combination of the two isn’t bad. ‘Well,’ you think, ‘what to I know about cooking in a magical world anyway?’ So, you chop the entire pile of greens and mix it all into a thick paste. Deuce combines your herb paste with the fish and puts it into a small pie shell he has formed with the dough. Then, you pack the ‘pie’ into the hot rocks of the fire to roast.

While the pie bakes, you sit side by side on a log and chat about normal things. Or maybe it was more like you chatted and Deuce listened. You didn’t mind, he was good company even if he seemed preoccupied. You were telling him about Grim’s latest antics when you felt something on your hand. You give a small yelp and tug your hand into your lap. “Ah!” you examine your hand as you brush it off, “Was that a bug?” Deuce, who you suddenly realize had gotten far closer to you than you’d noticed, nervously remarked, “Oh yeah, that…was probably it. Ha ha.” Finally, you ask, “Are you cold? I bet we could find you a seat closer to the fire if you are. You can be as cozy as our pie.” Deuce seems embarrassed for a moment before suddenly becoming alarmed, “THE PIE!” He jumps up and fishes the pie from the fire.

He brings it to you nervously, “I think it is fine…” The pie has a small amount of char around the edge that was directly in the fire. If it hadn’t been made by your good friend, you’d probably have refused it but, since it was made by Deuce, you don’t have the heart to refuse. “Oh yeah, looks fine. I guess…lets try it?” you say trying to convince both yourself and Deuce of the pie’s editability. Deuce lets out a happy sigh and breaks the pie in half, handing you the slice with fewer burnt edges. He makes no move to eat the pie himself but seems to hold his breath, waiting for you to try it. “Well, here it goes?” you say in a worried tone. You take a bite; it’s terrible. You force your mouth into a wide smile, “mmm…” you mutter for him in pity. You decide to use the same method for the pie as you used the last time you were forced to eat Lilia’s cooking. You cram the pie down in three huge bites, trying to finish it off while tasting it as little as possible.

For a moment, Deuce seems greatly pleased with the gusto in which you eat before the look of alarm sets on his face and he tilts his head to the side. Or maybe he is tilting his whole body? Oh, no. It’s you that is falling. Then the blackness takes you as Deuce’s frightened shouts fade out, “HELP, I think…I’ve poisoned…the player…”

You wake up groggy. If that was all, you’d have considered yourself lucky, but it also appears you’ve been tied to a tree. You are confused for a moment until you recall the storyline of the Camp Vargus event. Right, Coach is probably out tormenting students right now while anyone captured is tied up. Great, just great. You look up when you hear a long howl echoing through the forest. ‘Is that Jack?’ you think to yourself. If Jack is already in his wolf form, then this camp is nearly over. You sigh and lean back into the tree, waiting for someone to come along and release you.

It isn’t longer than an hour before a very tired but eager Jack arrives to untie you. “Guess you are the hero of the day, huh?” you jibe at him. He flushes as he rubs the back of his head, “Oh, you heard about that.” He tries to pretend indifference but moments later he is asking for more details, “So what did you hear?” Well, this is a challenge to answer since you hadn’t actually heard anything about it. You just remembered it from when it was a game plot. “Well…didn’t Floyd change into his mer form? That was probably cool to see.”

A look of incredulousness passes over his face, “Yeah well, other guys probably looked cool too.” You nod knowingly, “Yeah, I heard you got to Sebek use his training to lure the monster into the bog. Who knew there would be a chance for him to show off his skills out here.” Jack huffs, “Yeah but he wasn’t the only one using his skills out there.” Now you smile, feeling a bit mischievous yourself, “Oh, for sure. I mean what would we have done without our MVP from Savanahclaw.” Jack lets out a relieved sigh and smiles. “Yes, Ruggie sure did pull though. I don’t normally approve of his sneaky habits, but you have to admit he really came through today.”

Jack’s eyes widen and he stands there in a silent shock. “Well, let’s get going. Are you hungry? I could sure go for something right about now.” Then you dust off your knees and start heading toward camp. After a moment, you decide you’ve tortured him enough and pause, waiving your hand to signal him to join you. When he reaches your side, you give his uniform sleeve a tug. He bends down and you use this opportunity to give him a pat on the head and then rub his soft ears. “You did good, Jack,” you praise him softly. Then you thread your arm through his own and tug him along to camp. “Now, let’s go get some grub. Just don’t take anything Deuce gives you, ok?” Jack smiles and follows you along, tail wagging all the way.

#twst #twisted wonderland #twst wonderland #self aware au #ace trappola #yandere ace trappola #yandere deuce spade #deuce spade #yandere epel felmier #epel felmier #sekek zigvolt #yandere sebek zigvolt #twst first years #yandere first years #tw: yandere

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sirfrogsworth · 5 months

Text

I posted the below on my Facebook. I am secretly trying to head things off at the pass. Every time people see pictures of me out and about, they think I have been magically cured or my health status has improved. And I know going to Florida is going to give people that impression.

But also, I just wish a few of my relatives could understand my situation better. And why I didn't come to Christmas. And why I might try to come to Christmas now.

I guess I'll see how this goes.

-----------------------------------

One of the biggest struggles I've had my entire adult life is explaining why I appear fine whenever people see me. I say I am very sick and bed-bound and then they see me and I am out of bed and talking and joking and... a normal healthy person.

What many don't realize is I am making a choice.

A choice to get sick.

I can use up all my energy in a short time frame to accomplish a difficult chore or entertain a friend or go to a doctor, but that is going to have a consequence.

The more I do, the more severe the consequence.

In the ME/CFS world this is called "post-exertional malaise." (for those interested, you can read more about it here: https://rthm.com/art.../what-is-post-exertional-malaise-pem/ )

Imagine every time you wanted to do something, you were *choosing* to get the flu.

Take a walk, get the flu.

Exercise, get the flu.

Spend a night out with friends, get the flu.

And you might be thinking, "Okay, it can't be as bad as the flu. I've had the flu and the flu sucks. No one would choose that."

I may not get the nasty respiratory symptoms, but everything else is pretty much the same. Crippling fatigue, horrible aches, and the loss of the will to do much of anything. Sometimes it is much worse than the flu. Some people don't know how much being this exhausted can hurt. They have never used up enough energy that their body is unable to power itself properly. I usually say it is like every cell in my body is starving and screaming for energy. I feel it in every inch of my body—and not just on the surface... through and through. So, like... cubic inches.

Sometimes I don't even have the energy to power my legs. Trying to stand feels exactly the same as trying to lift a barbell with way more weight than you can lift. I can't get upstairs or even walk to the kitchen. It's a concentrated misery that defies description, despite my constant attempts to try.

Sometimes I get lucky and this flu lasts for a day or two. But the more active I am, the longer it can last. And the severity increases as well. There is also a cumulative version of this—where if I do a bunch of little things over a longer period of time, eventually it will catch up to me and I may be stuck in bed for a few weeks.

And when I say "stuck in bed" I mean stuck in bed.

Short trips to the bathroom and a few minutes in the kitchen to make food. If I spend too much time upright, my legs will literally give out and I will be stuck on the floor until I recharge enough energy to get up again. It would be like every time you needed to get up, you had to hold your breath. Not to mention, the more I do, the longer the recovery will take.

For a long time I chose to never get the flu. I stayed in bed and did just enough to avoid the worst of PEM. I skipped family get-togethers. I didn't see my friends. And I lived my life inside the computer. Some may find that sad, but I actually found a way to make this work. I ran a successful blog that was seen by millions of people and I met my two best friends who I now consider my new family.

One thing that allowed me to choose not to get the flu was my parents. I fear some thought they were spoiling me. They did my laundry. They helped clean my room. They got my groceries. They cooked my food. They took on any chore they could so I could avoid the flu and live some semblance of a life on my computer. There is a lot of guilt wrapped up in that. I didn't ask them to do that. They just sort of... did. And I am so grateful to them.

To be fair, they would have to do these chores for themselves anyway, and tacking on my stuff wasn't a huge deal. But I know it caused them a little extra pain and a few post exertional consequences of their own. So I appreciated that sacrifice more than I can put into words.

But then they both got very sick. And not only could they not help me with my stuff, I had to help them with their stuff. And this was a difficult transition. I had to choose to get the flu to take care of my parents, but then if I got the flu, and I couldn't take care of my parents. I believe this is called a catch-22.

My initial solution was to just not take care of myself. At all. My health and mental well-being was set aside and I just gave all of my energy to them. I didn't shower. I forgot to take important medicines. I didn't do a single thing that brought me joy. And I'm reminded of that analogy of the airplane emergency where the oxygen masks drop. You put on your mask first before you put one on your child. Your instinct is to save them first at all costs. But if you pass out, they are screwed.

So I kept getting that cumulative version of the flu. I'd help them as much as I could for a week or a month and then I'd be useless to them for just as long. Living in the basement did not help. Stairs were very hard for me and constantly going up and down was a huge waste of energy.

And I'm sad to say, the level of care I gave to my mom was not great. I didn't know what I was doing. I didn't understand how to balance my needs with hers. And it led to costly mistakes. She had several preventable falls that caused injuries. At one point she spent hours on the floor because I fell asleep and did not check on her. When you know someone needs regular supervision, you need to synchronize sleepy time.

Thankfully I learned from all of these lessons. Maybe not as quickly as I would have liked, but I did figure it out. I just wish I had learned them before my mom passed. I just wasn't able to give her the help she needed.

And you can tell me "you did your best" all you like, but this isn't a guilt I am choosing. It's just there and I feel it no matter what anyone says. In time I am hoping it will get lighter, but I'm afraid it cannot be wiped away with a well-intentioned platitude.

But with my dad, I decided to move upstairs. That was something I should have done much sooner. But I liked having my personal space and that was hard to give up. When he slept, I slept. When he spent 4 hours at dialysis 3x per week, I would make sure to take care of any personal needs. I would do chores a tiny bit at a time. 5 minutes here, 5 minutes there. And then I would lay on the couch in between and regain my strength. I did everything possible to not get the flu. And I got my flu shots so I wouldn't get the actual flu. (Get your flu shot! 50K die from it every year!) The only hitch in my plan was when I got a kidney stone at the same time my dad was in rehab. I have no idea how I got us through that.

I was very proud of the care I was able to give my dad. And I'm so grateful I was able to pay back just a tiny bit of what my parents did to help me. And the care I gave my father is the only thing that helps me feel better about my failures with my mom.

But now I am entering a new chapter of my life. And I find myself choosing to get the flu more often. I have decided sometimes it is worth the consequences. Part of that is because I am more used to it after dealing with it for 20 years. I have coping mechanisms and procedures and techniques to manage the symptoms. It doesn't make them suck any less, but it definitely makes it more manageable. It's akin to people with chronic pain who still feel the pain just as profoundly as when it was new, but they get so used to it that they forget that isn't how they are supposed to feel.

I approached this scientifically. I did tests. I went to the movies. I tried once a week and that was too much. Then I scaled it back and that was more manageable. Then I realized I had movies at home and decided to end that experiment.

I started to put my energy into something I enjoyed more. My photography. So I have been finding new ways to take pictures again. More experiments. I'm designing a simpler studio that requires much less energy. I'm creating a little product photography workstation where I don't have to set up everything each time I want to take a cool picture of an object. It will just be "turn on the lights" and "take the pictures."

Figuring all of this out made me realize how much I missed photography. And since I have been shooting test pictures here and there, my mental health has been noticeably better. And once I get this all figured out and set up, I am hoping some of you will let me take your photo. Or a photo of your kid. Or a pet. Whatever you have that needs photographing, I'm game.

I'm not going to charge. It's not going to be a business. I do not have the energy to "hustle." And asking people for money just sucked all of the fun out of my beloved art form. It corrupted it. I just love taking pictures and if you need a photo, I'd like to do that for you. I also restore old photos for fun. I'll talk about all of this more in another post when I am ready to start.

And then my grand experiment is coming next week.

I am going to travel.

I am going to see my best friend in Florida for two days. Two days of travel and two days of visiting. This is a scary choice. I know the aftermath is going to be difficult. But I need to get out of this house. I need to see my chosen family in person. And I have never been on a plane and I love the perspective from high places. I know people hate air travel, but for me, looking out that viewport is stunning television that cannot be matched.

Purposely making myself sick sounds like a bad idea. But it isn't life threatening. I have the free time to recover as long as I need to. And I can always choose not to get sick for a while if it gets too hard.

I just ask that people not see this as going from a worse life to a better one. I was really proud of the life I was able to create for myself while staying in bed. That took a long time to figure out. I met some of my favorite people. And I accomplished things I couldn't imagine in my wildest dreams. Please do not shit on that life and think it was sad or meaningless. I was given that life as a gift from my parents and it kept me alive. It has always been a huge insult when people pitied that precious gift they gave me.

This is not a better life that I am trying to figure out. It is just better for me right now. My needs have changed. I have changed. So I am trying to adapt. I just ask that people understand when I go out and do something, please remember the choice I am making.

You may be tempted to say, "You are doing so much better!" I am not any better than I was 10 years ago. Actually, my health has degraded. It's just that before I didn't think getting the flu every time I did something was worth it. And I would hope everyone would understand that was a valid choice.

And now I am inviting those consequences.

On purpose.

Give me the flu, I guess.

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