#I generally tend to not want to talk in a 'professional' setting even if I wasn't really working but like

[odessa-2]

Titbits and analysis 🖖

As promised, some more titbits from the Con yesterday in Melbourne as well as my interpretations. Prior to attending yesterday, I told myself to keep an open mind and attempt to leave any biases behind (even after having seen the funeral pics). Clean slate. To try and view Sam, the event, questions, and subsequent behaviours objectively.

I'm the sort of person who feels energy and is affected by it and in some ways governed by it. The energy of people, both individually and collectively. The energy of a group. I tend to couple this with objective analysis, which forms the basis of my conclusions about people and situations.

I applied this method yesterday in attempting to understand and view Sam, the OL money 💰 machine and everything else. I also just wanted to go there and bask in the audience and enjoy myself....and....I did like it Jamie.

So first thing I noticed off the cuff was how experienced Sam was in handling questions, and the women, and tailoring his behaviour to suit their desires. He was charming, charismatic, approachable, a skilled professional. I saw the veneer. I felt the veneer. I also saw and felt that he is a pretty decent bloke under that veneer. A man with a solid work ethic, who is mild mannered and working with purpose in his life.

I observed that his handler or Convention agent or whatever he is, Steve, was in full control. He managed Sam's performance in a sense. He asked the questions and even set the directions for some answers. Sam is controlled. I didn't like Steve. I didn't get the best vibe off him. Infact, I got a bad vibe off him. I observed that everything was a performance. Scripted to a large degree. The Single Sam narrative was pushed by Steve. Hard. It was a performance. That much was clear to me.

So Sam chose to mention that he was in Austria skiing 2 weeks ago....blah blah...something about singing a Ronan Keating song. So the script tells everyone nice and early that he is NOT with Caitriona ✅️

Later on in the panel, he mentioned that he "was at the theatre in London the week earlier" watching a play. Huh? Getting his timeline confused? Interesting titbit, I thought. Who would he go to the theatre with whilst in London? Who else likes to go to the theatre? Who have we seen him go to the theatre with before? Ding ding ding!!

One of the first things he spoke about (umprompted) and imo was part of his speaking program, was that Caitriona is back home in Scotland doing prep work and will be directing this season. He said that he spoke to her recently and that she is cold and miserable back home. No one seemed to give a shit. The women were there for their Jamie. Sam read the crowd. He understood.

Sam tried to bring Cait into the conversation again saying something like "Where's Claire?....Caitriona isn't here". Again crickets from the audience.

He said that he auditioned with a lot of Claire's, but they couldn't find the right fit and that nobody was as brilliant as Caitriona.

It sounded like he genuinely missed her.

He spoke of his audition with Cait, saying they were very physical and were almost wrestling each other. He said he was sweating all over her and that his sweat was on her. The crowd still only wanted to hear about their Jamie. I think Sam relished in being cheeky in saying that she wore his sweat that day.

Someone asked about "how do you kiss and make out with a costar and then just carry-on. Isn't it awkward"? Sam responded generally initially, saying that there's lots of checking in with the person and apologising afterwards (in a joking fashion). Then that prompted him to start talking about Cait saying that he has also "snotted" all over Cait and exchanged many body fluids with her (in an acting context presumably)and that there's nothing really left to do together that they haven't already done. I was like "whoooaa wtf Sam?". Shooketh that he said that really. The silence from the crowd was palpable. They really didn't want to hear about Cait and Sam and their shared bodily fluids whilst 'acting'. He is THEIR fantasy man. Not Caitriona's. Silence from the audience. Sam already knew that the crowd were Sam onlies but he loved telling this story. Relished in it imo. He loved the double entendre. It was an unrehearsed, unscripted conversation as it resulted from an audience question. I concluded it was an act of defiance on his behalf. That's what it felt like to me.

Steve the convention agent guy, was always bringing it back to Single Sam. "I worry how are you going to get a date" said Steve. With Sam understanding the prompt ...."I worry too" says Sam. Bachelor narrative secured ✅️

Steve spruked the Bachelor narrative again to Sam's thirsty and adoring fans....."Sam you remind me of that old show where everyone has to guess which bachelor is going to come out of the mystery door". And that's when I knew with 100 percent certainty that the bachelor talk was a ruse. It was so contrived and performative. I smiled to myself. The women in the crowd were eating it up.

Another thing that stood out to me was when Sam was searching for the right terminology when talking about Cait. "My......co star" huge pause.

"I love you Claire" is the line he randomly chose to say when explaining his acting.

When asked how he has time to foster friendships and spend time with his family he talked around it. Avoided the question and kept it about his friendships saying that they are strong friendships that endure. He diverged and started talking about how he still has his core friendships that he had when he was bunking and sharing an apartment/house with them in London when he was younger. The veneer was up. Inpenetrable.

At another point in the panel Sam asked "How many Sheila's are there here"? LOL. I found that amusing.

Now this next part captured my attention the most. It had a weird feeling (energy) around it . Sam gave off a weird energy. Almost hostile. Again that's just what I felt.

Someome from the audience named Toni with an "I" was selected to ask a question. I can't remember what the question was but Sam made a really big deal about her being named Toni. "There's always a Tony have you noticed"? Why is there always a Tony"? He said. He didn't want to drop it. He placed a little too much emphasis on it. I was laughing silently but Sam's double entendre didn't go unnoticed by me. Everyone else was clueless or at least that's how it appeared to me. Was that an Easter egg dropped by Sammy?

Asked about what does he do for self care, he seemed to struggle answering that too. He talked in circles about his way points hike and how he's learning how to live in the moment. There's that wall again.

There were many other things discussed of course but I thought I'd focus on the things that shed light on his situation and that resonated with me.

So my closing Analysis? Sam is controlled. He peforms. He caters. He's intelligent and in tune with people and aims to please but is private. Sunday just reaffirmed and solidified my beliefs. Caitriona snatched up that hard working gem of a man quick smart!

[leiflitter]

Gale Dekarios and The Wizard of Waterdeep

Aka Leif vents their brain into Tumblr again because I have Thoughts About The Wizard! Is it coherent? PROBABLY NOT I'M DOING THIS FOR FUN.

General rambling below the cut!

Firstly- this little braindump is based upon my interpretation of Gale as a Neurodivergent Individual, so I guess if you're not on the "Gale would be so fuckin into magic the gathering if he was in this realm" train, then this may not be for you. Which is fine! I'm just yelling into the void here.

Also; characters are fun because we can interpret them in different ways! This is in no way meant to stomp on anyone else's headcanons of Gale, and may even be entirely overwritten if more info comes out about him from Larian.

I wrote a ton and then fuckin lost it all but hey that's fine I can condense it WAY more now. So let's go, bullet points!

Gale of Waterdeep is Gale Dekarios' mask.

If you don't know what Masking is- a quick definition for ya-

Neurodivergent masking refers to the practice of concealing or suppressing aspects of one's neurodivergent traits or conditions, in order to fit in with the norms of the workplace or society.

Let's begin at the beginning-

Gale as a child would have been insufferable. He was a prodigy, yes, but also clearly lacked proper consequences for his actions (his punishment for Blackstaff hijinks in his first year? Writing lines. HE OPENED A PORTAL TO LIMBO AND ALMOST DIED). This may be due to Mystra's influence, even if it was indirect, but there's no faster way to alienate a child from their peers than to both mark them as Very Special and let them get away with everything. Gale's magical education likely left his social education lacking.

As Gale's also mentioned that he was a prodigy, and was using 4th level spells (summon elemental) when he was living at home (at least part of the time), he may even have been younger than his fellow first year apprentice wizards when he was admitted- further isolating him. He specifically says he was a child when he, uh, "borrowed" the blackstaff- we just don't know how old Blackstaff first years tend to be.

Also, from Gale's story about the Blackstaff, he seemed to be attending Wizard Boarding School (he wanted to get to the first year dorms). So he was not only set apart from his peers, he had to live in a dorm with them.

To navigate this difficult social situation, Gale Dekarios becomes Gale of Waterdeep- he starts Masking. He puts on his Wizard Suit and acts the way Wizards should, because those are the Wizard Rules.

For an example of these Wizard Rules- the closest equivalent we have to Pre-Folly Gale would probably be Lorroakan - and Lorroakan is a great example of Wizard Language and Wizard Rules. Yes, Lorroakan is an absolute shitweasel, but let's consider him an extreme example- pre-folly Gale turned up to 15. Heck, he even does the little ☝️ when you speak to him (Gale does it better bro, sorry).

Elminster is also a good example- he's almost allergic to just saying something straight out until he absolutely has to, but he'll dance around the point repeatedly. A trait Gale shows before he reveals the orb:

Gale. Seriously. He'd get you a birthday present and make five billion hints about it, I swear. But again- that's How Fancy Wizards Talk in this canon. And Gale does it excellently.

Gale masking also explains how his Wizard Rizz and his loneliness coexist. Gale of Waterdeep has a practiced tongue and has totally had sex with mortals. Gale Dekarios, on the other hand, is stuck inside Gale of Waterdeep like that little alien in Men in Black.

The Wizard of Waterdeep can only facilitate shallow connections because there's nothing behind the Thesaurus Vocabulary. The confidence he projects is essentially an illusion, but it's one he relies on to navigate his world. He's isolated by default- as you grow closer, he admits this:

Note how he says Tara was "always" telling him to get mortal friends- we know that Gale conjured Tara when he was young. Assuming that he's not exaggerating to an exponential degree, we can assume that Gale's never really had a friendship based on actual mutual appreciation- more that any connections he had were entirely due to his magical ability and proximity to Mystra.

Thus while he may not be a virgin on the physical plane, I doubt that his experiences were in any way personal or meaningful.

We know Gale's a romantic at heart- but again, he cannot remove the mask. From personal experience, masking can often lead you to do things you don't quite "get" because it's what "normal" people do.

Although it could be explained by scripting limitations, I would have expected any meaningful romantic encounters to be mentioned- especially as you directly ask him if you're his first mortal partner. Gale is an expert at oversharing- I would consider it in-character for him to ramble about his first mortal love before realising that he's cramming his foot into his mouth and shutting up (similar to the "Mystra once took the tiniest piece of weave and-" scene).

Again, without further info from Gale's writers, we've got space to play in- my personal feeling is that Gale has had hookups, most likely with his wizarding peers, but as he didn't let his peers see beyond the Wizard of Waterdeep, anything more than casual just wouldn't happen. He couldn't let anyone close enough to get behind the mask, especially not another wizard- as other wizards are those he's most trying to blend in with.

Enter Mystra (Derogatory) + a lil more Lorroakan (Derogatory)

A minor sidetrack here- part of why I tend to see Gale as early-mid 30s is to do with the Mystra timeline and my own personal experiences. So- firstly, as BG3 is set in 1492. Mystra was slain (aw yeah) in 1385, which started The Spellplague, but she was restored (boo, hiss, we were fine without her) in 1480. So there's about 12ish years where Mystra was, y'know, alive and able to interact with Gale. Gale spent one of those years with the orb, and before that he had to go and find the orb. So let's say he and Mystra spent about a decade together, from teacher > lover.

I've already expounded about why I think Mystra doesn't give a single shit about Gale in my previous GaleRant- my basic thoughts are that Mystra's relationship with Gale was a form of damage control to prevent him becoming Karsus 2.0, but as she didn't actually care enough about him to get to know him, her plans actually made him more likely to go all Netherese Magic.

We're going to hop back to Lorroakan for a sec. Again, he proves to be a good analogue for Gale. Lorroakan has been in residence at Ramazith's Tower for about 10 years- even though context clues show us that he's definitely not up to Gale's standard, so we'll assume he's probably a little bit older than our Child Prodigy- and he's definately less of a go-getter, seeing as how he's paying folks to go get the Nightsong instead of doing it himself. The big baby.

Lorroakan is important because he demonstrates the sort of shit egotistical wizards do when they aren't distracted by Mystra's blue sparkly tits. Again, a minor assumption that he's maybe a little older than Gale- he has taken ownership of a famous Wizard's Tower, absolutely upped his PR game to Kardashian tier over a decade, and now he's trying to find the Nightsong. Is it just me, or is there HUBRIS in the air?

Now, back to Gale. We know he was trying to prove himself from childhood. Elementals, Tara, The Blackstaff- and, frankly, does he seem like the kind of guy to leave it at that? I doubt it- hence why I peg him at early-mid 30s, depending on when Mystra tried the Godly equivalent of danging keys in front of a cat. I reckon he'd have dashed into some sort of cataclysmic bullshittery as soon as he graduated from Wizard School. And we know he probably became a full-fledged wizard early, given that he's a smart lil guy.

HOWEVER, back to my actual point about Gale's general social life/etc- Gale absolutely lacks real-world experience.

I'm not talking him hanging out in the Yawning Portal. I'm talking his actual, prolonged exposure to the world outside of Wizard Life.

(Yes, it is absolutely possible that he spent however-long just quietly studying for Wizard in between him becoming a full wizard and his exile, but! With age comes exposure- and Gale is actually a fairly adventurous lil dweeb. He's curious- and again, had he been given true freedom, he probably would be off gathering eldritch relics and causing havok)

My main point, though, is that a major point of Gale's entire plot is that he is being forcibly unmasked by the circumstances he's in- and this is in many ways the catalyst for late-game stuff.

Gale's primary conflict isn't truly against Mystra, because let's be real- Mystra doesn't give much of a shit about him one way or another. I'm not even convinced that she cares about The Absolute- I think she just doesn't want to go through the hassle of dying again, and she doesn't respect Gale enough to even consider a way to actually communicate with him about it.

Gale's arc is a struggle between Gale of Waterdeep and Gale Dekarios- and Gale coming to terms with himself as a person. Not as a wizard. Not as a prodigy. Not as anything special- just a man.

You see it in the language he uses- he goes from speaking in monologues to telling you to stop licking the damn thing!

You see it in his emotional range expanding- when you yoink him from the portal, he's immediately cheery! You could whack him in a faculty party and he'd probably behave in the exact same way- and then the night before Moonrise he's terrified. He even becomes more honest in his aspirations- yes, he still dresses it up to be persuasive, but he doesn't try to play it cool. He's absolutely geeking out about it alongside everything else.

Gale of Waterdeep demands a lot to be maintained, and it's a comforting outfit to wear. He slips, but the beauty in the story is that you can take Gale Dekarios by the hand and show him that he can be mortal. He can feel pain and greed and desire, disgust and shame and sadness, and it isn't a bad thing. He can be confident for real, and not as camouflage- he can be horny on main and as long as it's genuine, he's absolutely rockin' it.

And as someone who was and is going through it, it's made me appreciate him immensely.

[scullysflannel]

hiiii apologies if i'm sending you too many asks lol, don't feel pressured to reply right away or at all tbh, but there's this thing ive been turning over in my head about the x files that's like... so in many ways it has these conservative ideas kind of baked into the premise and format of the show. these fears of monsters and monstrous others that have to be investigated and neutralized by our heroes who are these beautiful professional looking white people. and then there's the looming fear of alien invasion that comes up in the myth episodes. so theres a lot that could and should and does feel reactionary and conservative about it. but theres also such a palpable love for the strange and unknown? the "i want to believe" poster represents this so beautifully. i think this love tends to be expressed visually rather than in words so it's kind of hard to concretely describe but i'm sure you know what i'm talking about. and then the show also relies on us the audience having an interest in the paranormal and unexplainable, not because we want to see it defeated, but for its own sake. so i guess i want to ask how you square those two ideas, that the x files has all these anxieties about weirdness but also loves and yearns for weirdness? as i said ive been kind of ruminating on this for a while and having trouble reconciling the two ideas so i'd love to hear your thoughts!

Ooh I kind of just want to give you a reading list. Have you read “In the Dark” by Brian Phillips?? It’s a Grantland essay written for the 20th anniversary in 2013. It’s my favorite piece of X-Files journalism (actually my favorite piece of entertainment journalism in general) — kind of an essential text to me. It gets into all of this. But for me I don’t feel like reconciling the tension is the goal, or that it’s even possible. The tension is the show.

Likely thing for me to say, but I think the structure of The X-Files as a procedural is a big part of how and why it moves between fear and love. Phillips describes Mulder and Scully as representatives of a doomed but still operational status quo, “figures of a weird reactionary beauty, struggling to understand and then prevent the profound transformation breaking out across their world.” I’d say that last part (prevention) is especially true of the mythology, with the monster-of-the-week episodes giving space to sometimes complicate that. 

The X-Files is traditional in its basic formula; it makes assumptions about who gets to be the hero and what kind of job they should have. There are some assumptions it doesn’t interrogate, like its default whiteness. But its critique of the government can be shockingly pointed, even if it holds itself back in later seasons by keeping Mulder and Scully in the Bureau well past the point where they should go rogue. (Not that I think the show actually could have done that.)

Does The X-Files love its boundaries or want to blow them up? Both. The appeal of a procedural is typically that it gives neat answers, so being a procedural that denies easy answers is the point, which is to say that both sides of the show are dependent on each other. The whole show is sort of an experiment in fitting some of the strangeness of Twin Peaks into a procedural. I think it’s meant to be a go-between, the same way Mulder and Scully are. 

Phillips also writes, “In this show about not knowing, the agents confronted two distinct sets of frightening unknowns. On one side was the shadow government represented by the Cigarette-Smoking Man. On the other was the evil that lurked beneath the surface of every American hamlet. Often, Mulder and Scully’s role was simply to act as interpreters between their own antagonists, rendering chaotic eruptions of small-town horror comprehensible to men in marble corridors in D.C.” I think The X-Files works like that too — interpreting between what’s regimented and what’s odd — and in that sense it has to yearn for the same things it’s afraid of. And really, I prefer the honesty of that to something more ideologically consistent. 

I always think about “Home” as an episode that sums up a lot of The X-Files’ attitude toward progress (more on this here): It isn’t immune to the romance of the myth of Mayberry, even as it’s aware that it’s a grotesque lie built on violence, and that people are committing perverse acts to hold on to it. The show allows for progress to be scary but insists that it’s not as scary as what people will do when they fear it. Weirdness on The X-Files isn’t perfectly analogous for righteous deviance only. I believe the show sees what is weird coming from all sides, past (like the Peacocks) and future, so what’s weird isn’t inherently good or meant to signify inherent goodness; it only can be good. 

One of my favorite things about The X-Files is the way it respects the integrity of doubt. (I’ve written about this! But hold off on reading if you don’t want any spoilers.) I don’t think the show could be about the bravery of questioning your beliefs without letting those old beliefs be a little bit comforting to Mulder and Scully, even the ones that turn out to be lies. There’s a great New Yorker essay by James Wolcott written in 1994, near the end of the first season. He writes that in The X-Files, the Cold War-era obsession with UFOs and alien invasion gives way to the more inward-looking fear of alien abduction: “The X-Files is the product of yuppie morbidity, a creeping sense of personal mortality.” Later on, the mythology incorporates shapeshifters and alien colonization plans, but it never commits. That’s never the emotional core of the show in the way abduction is. The core of the show is personal annihilation: the fear of death and losing loved ones, and the fear of tearing yourself apart to get to the truth.

But some of the most affecting episodes are the ones that love and yearn for the weirdness in spite of it all. Like you said, it’s always in the atmosphere and the visuals (the poster, or Mulder looking up at the stars), but I think the show puts words to it pretty often, too, like “I guess I see hope in such a possibility” in “Quagmire” and especially all of “Humbug”: “Imagine going through your whole life looking like that.” There’s so much affection for peculiarity in that episode. Still, I love that ultimately it’s just a fact: “Nature abhors normality.” It doesn’t actually matter whether you like what’s “freakish” or not; it’s just nature. I think all of The X-Files kind of evens out into a neutral judgment like that, which is nice and even kind of radical in its own way. What is weird doesn’t have to be beautiful and desirable; it just has to be seen and accepted.

[joanofexys]

gimme the Jude lore

okay okay Jude Reyes lore incoming

little breakdown first:

26 years old

he/him, pansexual, cis

played for the Trojans for 5 years

graduated with a degree in sports journalism

has adhd and depression (in the rambling bit tw right now for mentions of self harm and suicidal thoughts tying into this)

only child and still upset about it

does the most out of all my ocs to work with college players, spends a lot of his free time flying out to different colleges to work with coaches and teams cause he likes and he enjoys it (gets a lot of teasing about becoming a coach in the future)

knows english and spanish

and oh yeah he's a dealer who will play as an extra backliner if needed

blonde, 6'3, big brown eyes

got his ears pierced cause Mara said he'd chicken out

So yeah Jude graduated from USC at the age of 23 and he was recruited for olympic court when he was 25. He considers the Trojan's his family and still keeps in touch with all the upper classmen who he used to play with. He's very much taken the Trojan attitude into his professional career. He's known as a team player on the court and also a huge activist off the court. He's now involved in presenting the Day Spirit Award every year and he's incredibly proud to have been apart of the team consistently winning it. While Ilya falls into the Just Some Guy category, Jude really takes it up like 10 levels into Golden Child territory. He's the favored one for press duty and is most involved with his teams social media. He's usually the one to sit down for the little games or the ask me anything's or the interviews everyone else deems pointless.

tw for self harm and suicide mentions, you can skip to the next bolded line if you need to

Jude was diagnosed with depression when he was 19 after he came to Rhemann confessing that he had been self harming for a few months after the workload with his class got more difficult for him to manage and he started thinking about committing suicide. He was diagnosed with adhd a few years later when he was 22 and now he now manages both with a mixture of therapy and medication. He's not perfect and obviously that didn't get rid of his depression but he has always had a safe space to talk about it and to get the help he needs. He advocates a lot for mental health in general but especially where athletes where it tends to get ignored with all the pressure put on them and he brings that into all of his relationships with his teammates trying to create a safe space for them. He is a huge factor in actually getting Em, Mara, and Florian to see therapists and he's who Florian calls after his 5th attempt and takes him to the hospital.

okay heavy bit over

I need y'all to know that Jude popped into my head literally today. He was named like 3 hours ago. So this is all just kind of developing as I yap about him. He's big on team inclusion. Doesn't want anyone to feel left out. At first Ilya really butted heads with Mara and Florian cause they were Raven's and Jude was basically the one to get sick of that and tell them they needed to shut the fuck up and put on their get along t-shirt

He's generally pretty outgoing and he loves a good party. And by party he means hosting his team and having some food and drinks and visiting with every one. Though he does go a little crazy after a win and he will probably not get home till like 6 in the morning and then will sleep for a full 24 hours

He comes off as very loud and flirtatious to most people, most people will think he is flirting even when he isn't and he has accidentally agreed to multiple dates before realizing they were dates and having to awkwardly let people down. He doesn't really date much, not seriously, largely because of how involved he is with the media portion of his job. If he does end up dating (and I don't have anyone set up for him yet) it'd most likely be another exy player who is also super involved with the media and interacting with the press

and yeah that's a little bit about Jude

[sleepyfan-blog]

Banquet

Author’s Note: Hagiel’s No Good, Terrible Mission part 2. Originally this was part of chapter one, but it ended up over 6k words long, so I split it into two parts. Enjoy! Previous. Next

Playlist for this fic series: Spotify Youtube

Tagged: @undeaddream , @egrets-not-regrets @the-pure-angel @whorety-k @gallifreyianrosearkytiorsusan

Warnings: alcohol, flirting, references to the Red Thirst, canon-typical violence

Summary: Hagiel goes to the banquet. It goes great

word count: 2,893

There was live music playing in the banquet hall that Hagiel had been guided to by one of the Governor’s serfs after he’d gotten cleared up and changed into formal wear. The collar was bothering him, but Hagiel didn’t fidget with it, despite wanting to. He was going to be uncomfortable until he could change out of the too-thin and restrictive clothing. There were several dozen very well dressed and clearly wealthy mortals who were talking to each other. He was announced by the serf and the conversations stopped as he entered. Hagiel stepped into the room and gave them all a professional smile, relying on the meager political training he had been given “Good evening.”

Governor Shyrc looked up from where they were setting at the head of the large, ornately decorated table, and responded “Good evening, Lord Angel, Please come sit at my right hand.” 

Something niggled at the back of Hagiel’s mind about that, but he couldn't figure out what. Besides, he wasn’t sure how to take another spot without subbing the Governor nor displacing anyone else as there were exactly the number of seats available at the table as guests in the room. “My thanks, governor.” He made sure to move as softly as his large frame would allow, flashing closed-mouth smiles to mortals he passed, not wanting to unnerve them with his fangs. He didn’t recognize most of the mortals invited, though he did recognize Lady Sablescar, General Qvelt… And surprisingly enough. Xie Flint and vice admiral Egalth. “Good evening, Governor, how has your day been?”

“Busy with the reconstruction efforts of the city, how has yours been?” The governor responds, a small upward tilt of their lips.

“Busy as well. I focused on repairing the southern hospital. It’s currently partially functional, and should be repaired enough by the end of the week to be fully functional.” Hagiel responds with a small smile. Ideally it would be repaired by the next day or two, but he’d rather not tempt fate by saying that out loud.

“Why focus on one of the hospitals first?! We need to resume commerce as soon as possible in order to fiscally recover from the xenos raids!” One of the nobles whose names Hagiel did not know demanded, pouting a lavishly painted lower lip in his direction “The spaceport and surrounding infrastructure should be the highest priority!”

“Because there are quite a few injured people who are in need of medical aid, both among the civilians and the military casualties who protected this world, this system from the waves of xenos who tried to break our hold over this system, and grind us under their feet. Securing medical aid and ensuing that those who need it are tended to first is most important, though the spaceport is a high priority.” Hagiel gently corrected, raising one of his eyebrows fractionally at the sullen noble.

Vice Admiral Egalth spoke up “As we had explained to you earlier, the most critical parts of our infrastructure needs to be tended to first, and while our exports are a high priority, we need to tend to our people, before we can look to increasing profits.” There was censure in his voice that made the noble glare sullenly at him, the shining blue gems in her hair flashing in the candle light. 

She sniffed “As you say. But how are we to pay for these repairs? The cost of the materials surely aren’t going to just vanish into the ether.”

“We have emergency funds and stockpiles of supplies that are carefully maintained for exactly this kind of situation.” Governor Shyrc cut in, sending the whiny noble a sharp glare in silent reprimand.

“But must we use these funds on the lower classes? Surely we should-” A second noble started.

They were cut off by General Qvelt, who growled “It was us lower classes who fought and bled and died while you cowered behind your energy shields and personal guards and servants, waiting for salvation. It was us lesser people who held the line as  you fled in your fancy ships from this system while you tried to save your own skin, rather than stay and fight to defend what has belonged to your family for centuries, Lady Viskil.” 

There was a very pointed, very tense pause in the dinner conversations, as everyone collectively held their breaths, waiting for a response or reaction.

Hagiel broke the silence with a quiet hum “Well spoke, general. I remember losing four brothers to cover the retreat of your personal ship, against the Drukhari raiders. Can  you, in good faith, say that your life is worth the lives of four of my brothers?”

The Viskil’s answering glare was venomous enough to kill, were he a fellow mortal. Tellingly, she did not speak. Nor did anyone else.

Hagiel flashes them all a smile smile, this time with a hint of fang, shifting so that his sanguine eyes catch the candle light as the first course was served; in the shell of a local edible shellfish was a mixture of the shellfish itself, mixed with spices, fresh greens and cured with an herbal mortal alcohol. The shells themselves were a brilliant shade of pearlescent grey-white with shimmering flecks of gold in the shell. Hagiel was given five of them, though the mortals were served three each. “We should enjoy the dinner that Lord Shyrc has so thoughtfully provided for us.” The tension slowly left the room. 

He had no idea how to eat this food. Did he pop the whole thing in, shell and contents in one? They were certainly small enough to be a single bite for the astartes to consume, but… Most fancy nobles didn’t like eating things that were close to the texture and strength of bone, and these shells looked like they could be. 

Hagiel glanced surreptitiously at Lord Shyrc, who was already reaching for one of their oysters with a tiny spoon, scooping out the contents deftly, the rest of the guests following their lead, as the serfs poured them each small glasses of a dry, slightly bubbly white wine, likely meant to pair with the fishy dish. He quickly realizes that he is the only one who hasn’t started eating and hurriedly grabs the (absurdly tiny, in his hand) mother of pearl spoon,  belatedly realizing that it was not made of metal, and misjudging the amount of strength it would take to potentially damage the spoon. It cracked where his thumb and forefinger gripped it with an audible snap that brought all eyes to him.

“Is all well, Lord Angel?” Flint asked, mirth in xie’s eyes as the other looks him over.

Hagiel swore in his head as he tried not to panic, nor curl in on himself like a bashful and clumsy aspirant he felt like. “I. Ah. Accidentally broke one of the spoons. My apologies, Lord Governor. The utensil is a little… Small in my hand.” He slowly set down the two halves of the spoon, resisting the temptation to slowly ooze under the table in mortification.

General Qvelt snorts and drops the pearlescent spoon he’d been using to eat one of the prepared shellfish and grabbed it with a hand “I’ve broken more than one of these spoons before. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, the only way to eat oysters is straight from the shell all at once. None of this delicate groxshit.” With that he tipped the rest of the contents of the open shellfish half into his mouth, sending Hagiel a small wink.

“How gauche, general -” One of the other nobles started, their face twisting into a sneer of disdain.

Governor Shyrc cut the noble off by setting their own pearly spoon down louder than was necessary, picking up the partially consumed shell “And I agree with you. We’ve all had a difficult and long series of battles. To victory! And reconstruction of our fair city!” they called out, gesturing with the shellfish.

Everyone else hurried to follow suit, and Hagiel picked up one of his as of yet untouched shellfish halves, murmuring “To our victory!” and downing the concoction. As with other kinds of prepared mortal foods, the flavors were intense and much more complex than the nutrient paste that he was used to consuming - and the faint metallic tang on the back of his tongue did nothing but whet the insatiable appetite that all sons of Sanguinius struggled with to greater or lesser degrees. The textures were strange on his tongue, but overall pleasant. Nowhere near the number of calories he needed, but he hadn’t expected to be properly fed until he left for The Resolve later tonight.

~

Six courses of extremely complexly flavored food that did little to staunch the slowly maddening, aching thirst even as the mortals around him became increasingly louder and more boisterous as their own stomachs filled and the freely-flowing mortal alcohols loosened their tongues and minds was almost enough to overstimulate Hagiel’s heightened sense.

WIth the ever-present discomfort of the uncomfortably tight formalwear he was wearing that itched and tugged unpleasantly against his bandaged wounds and the fact that he had to politely dodge several handsy fellow dinner guests as the evening had moved on from food to tipsy (For them) dancing in the adjoining ballroom as more than a couple of them wanted to get a close up feel for what a space marine’s body was like without their armor, Hagiel’s patience and desire to tolerate their shenanigans was rapidly coming to an end.

Lord Amacius - the haughty noble from earlier - was on one side of him, flirting with anyone who moved and had tried to grab him three separate times - was attempting a pincer movement with Lady Viskil and Viscount Thelish, trying to corner him into either a dance or an attempt at drunken debauchery. The three of them were in charge of the sapphire mines, agricultural distribution and the promethium mines as the heads of their families who owned and controlled such things, so pissing them off needlessly at such a delicate point in time was dangerous. Not that Hagiel had quite resigned himself to being pawed at and drunkenly flirted with by inebriated mortals tonight. “Come now, Loooord Angel~! Surely you want to have a… Proper celebration?” Amacius slurred up at him, attempting to stalk towards the space marine, and mostly managing a graceless drunken stumble.

“I lost many brothers defending these worlds. White I am grateful for the victory we fought so hard to attain, I don’t feel much like celebrating, lord.” Hagiel answered, slowly backing away from the mortal man, silently hoping that someone would come and distract the entitled mortal fuck. “What were you doing during the battling?” 

“Hmmm? Oh, I was in m’clan’s bunker, alongside my family and our favored concubines and serfs while the fighting happened. M’ not much of a fighter myself. More of a lover…” Amacius purred, waggling his eyebrows ridiculously up at Hagiel.

Of course he was. Most noble mortals were trembling cowards when it came down to fight for the imperium, for Him on Terra. Hagiel kept his emotional reaction from showing. Objectively, Amicus was handsome - high cheekbones, strong chin-line. Deep smokey black eyes, salt and pepper hair. But his cowardice and personality while inebriated left much to be desired in Hagiel’s personal opinion. Not that he was going to say that out loud. He bit off any comments he had about the other’s cowardly hiding before he said it out loud. He was an astartes, yes. But he wasn’t some blunt-voiced son of Dorn who couldn’t be trusted near high ranking mortals without a short leash and a dozen phrases sternly ordered to stick to, no matter his temper or internal response. “I see.” He answered diplomatically.

“I’d be happy to show you the bunker. It’s really quite-” Amacius slurred out, before being interrupted by Lady Viskil, who walked up to him before stumbling off of her high heels, the sharp points catching on the long hem of her dress.

“Ahh! Someone help m- Oh! My darling hero! Thank you for catching me, Lord Angel. My, you’re quite strong.” Lady Viskil purred as she looked up into his face, as Hagiel had automatically moved to catch the baseline human before she fell all the way to the ground. She was also objectively beautiful - her eyes were augmented to change color based on her desire, and were currently a deep violet color with chartreuse highlights. Her hair was wavy and pinned up in a complex series of braids with dozens of expensive sapphire gemstone-capped pins keeping them up. 

Hagiel sets the mortal woman on her feet before letting her go “As are all astartes, Lady Viskil.” He swallows down a mouthful of saliva. The six course meal had done little but whet his appetites and the sooner he got out of here to get the nutrient paste he needed… And maybe find a dead body or two to drain to beat back The Thirst so he could focus the better. But events like this always took long, agonizing hours where anything more constructive could be done, but wasn’t because of pompous mortals and their love of nonsense.

“Yes, but you’re the only Angel I’ve met in person. I’ve heard stories about how handsome and striking the Lord Angels often are, but I must say that the rumors do you little credit - even with your minor mutation.” Viskil croons, attempting to reach out and touch him.

Hagiel takes a couple of entirely unsubtle steps backward, making sure to avoid any pillars, walls or people to avoid being potentially pinned. “We tend to be kept quite busy, defending the imperium, which has over a million worlds touched by His light, so thatt is… Not surprising. Lady Viskil, you seem flushed, perhaps you should sit down and have some water?” He was about to ask if the alcohol was disagreeing with her, before remembering that most adult mortals would take offense at that, especially while inebriated.

“Mmm? Oh… I do feel surprisingly… Warm. Yes, I’ll go do that.” Lady Viskil murmured before wandering out of his sight line and thus, not his problem at the moment.

Hagiel started to slink his way over to where Governor Shyrc was, to make his excuses to leave the party, when vice-admiral Egalth called out to him “Lord Hagiel?”

The Lamenter sent a silent prayer to his genefather Sanguinius for patience before turning to him and saying “Yes, vice-admiral?” trying to keep his voice light and pleasant.

“You reminding Viskil of the real flesh and blood cost to her cowardice was gutsy, Lord Angel. The only one with more political capital in this system than she does is the Lord Governor and his second in command, and even that’s debatable, depending on the month.” The mortal hummed. “Still, she needed the reality check.”

“I am a stranger to this system, and will not be lingering long. I am likely to be leaving alongside the Ultramarine inspection crew, unless I receive additional orders from His Regency.” Hagiel responded with a small shrug. 

“Ehh… Fair enough. Speaking of, have you ever met him?” the vice admiral asked.

“Please clarify?” Hagiel inquired, having a guess as to who the other meant, but wanting to be sure.

“The Regent.” Egalth clarified.

“No, but my chapter Master and the captains of each of the-” surviving “-company captains have. As a rank and file battle brother, I have yet to be given such an honor. But I have heard stories of his grace and presence.” Hagiel answered earnestly.

“I haven’t either. Shyrc’s going to be wrapping this thing up, and I have worked alongside Astartes before, as has he. He’ll understand if you leave without saying goodbye to him. I’ve also got a small gift for you.” The mortal murmured, reaching out a hand to shake.

“Oh?” Hagiel murmured, shaking hands with the vice admiral, feeling as the other slipped him something. It was a small tube of Astartes grade rations. No more than a quick snack, but it was much more than the six course meal and the accompanying mortal alcohol had given him. Hagiel swallowed another mouthful of saliva - by the Emperor he was starving all of a sudden and murmured a quiet but fervent “Thank you.” He didn’t bother to pop open the cap, swallowing the entire tube down, packaging and all. “Please give the Governor my regards.”

“Of course.” Egalth hummed, nodding.

Hagiel turned on his heel and started to leave the room. He heard a yelp as one of the serfs stumbled back, clutching their face as the scent of fresh blood, sweet and tantalizing washed through the room and hit Hagiel with the force of a tsunami. Lord Amicus was standing over the bleeding serf, yelling beligerently, even as teh Governor’s security team dragged the ranting man off.

He could taste the sanguine temptation on the air, see it glitter beautifully in the warm candlelight. His fingers twitched before the litanies of his chapter began in his mind, to keep himself from succumbing to the Red Thirst and feeding upon the injured serf in front of all and sundry. He turned from the scene and fled the governor’s manor, into the night before his Thirst overpowered his hunger.

[rainedragon]

how do you get over the social anxiety of wearing something "unusual"? i've wanted to wear lolita fashion for years but just can't muster the courage

So, for me, wearing lolita actually helps with my anxiety because yeah, it's absolutely weird. And there is something very freeing about not trying to fit in. Yes, people may think it's weird. But I know it's weird. I'm purposely being weird. So I don't have to care if people think I'm weird, because I'm trying to be weird. People generally don't say mean things, or give me dirty looks when I'm out by myself, honestly more often I'll get random compliments? And people smile more genuinely? I try just to be extra nice when I dress up too, so like, I'll make sure I smile if a kid stares, or if someone comes up to talk to me, or if I'm in a checkout line I try to be more friendly/nice than average. So like, being extra nice kind of becomes a shield I put up to make it harder for anyone not to be nice back to me. That said, I do tone it down more for like, going to the mall, than I would for going to a convention. I don't typically wear wigs and 3 headbows when I'm going shopping like I might for a meetup or a convention. That's another thing, going to meetups with other lolita or spaces like anime conventions where lots of people are cosplaying can help with getting used to being in public in lolita without being the only person dressed "weird". Like, when there is a whole flock of lolita, people do stare more, but there are a bunch of other people who can deflect questions. Gothic and classic also can be easier to wear in public alone than sweet. And then with sweet, fruit prints also are a lot more "normal" to non lolita than like, carousel or toy prints. So, if I don't want to be bothered, I'll wear brown or black classic / old school, or I'll just pick like a gingham and cherry dress and style it somewhat casually. It also helps me to have a task. So, like, I used to bring my camera to cons as a new lolita and I would take photos of other people's outfits or cosplay. Going up to someone and telling them you love their outfit and asking for a photo in a setting where that is encouraged like a convention center, or asking them where they got something, can be a great way to meet people with a positive first impression. When I'm shopping, I'm actively shopping , so I focus on the task at hand. I also tend to catastrophize, so, I think for me as well thinking "ok what's the worst that could happen and what would the solution be?" can help? Like, what is the worst that could happen? Someone looks at me funny or yells "where are your sheep" and then... what happens next logically? I don't care about that person. I don't know them. I'm probably not going to see them again. Who cares if they like my coord or not. They don't even know what lolita is. So why should I let them dictate how good I feel about myself today? Their opinion doesn't matter, they are being a jerk, and if they make me feel uncomfortable I can leave. And I just sort of find solutions or ways I would handle and resolve those situations I'm nervous might happen. Now, if you don't already imagine bad things happening, I'm not suggesting you intentionally do that, but more like, if you already have those sorts of thoughts, interrupting them with logical arguments is something I find helps me. If you are going to like school or something where you will see the same people again often, I'd suggest slowly easing into a style change. So maybe you start doing your hair with braids, and then wear more dresses in general and just of kind of slowly change your style to be more lolita-like until it is just lolita. Finally, I'm not a mental health professional, I'm just a lolita with generalized anxiety / panic disorder. What works for me may not work for others and this isn't medical advice.

[androdragynous]

tell me something about your art. fucking love the recent sharp angles.

thank you for giving me an excuse to ramble I love you. kiss

this is going to be a long post but I think it's important so I'm leaving it as a normal post and not a read more

I wrote more words and changed my mind because I got distracted a bunch of times by talking to myself. Enjoy

my own works in general have always been like. The Way By Which I Interact With The World which I think is a pretty common artist experience. my fan art tended to focus on my own characters in those settings rather than on the existing characters because of that, to my younger self's chagrin at times (the desire to Appeal To Fandom was much stronger in my younger years, which I think is also pretty typical). so there was always that lens of, like, these characters aren't me, but they could have been, in some way, or at least when viewed at certain angles. first guy is dealing with the same shit, second guy is doing some gender stuff baby me won't unpack for another five years, you get the idea.

and then the whole disability thing ramped up a few notches and everything went to shit, which is to say, for a really long time there I couldn't so much as look at art without pain, let alone long enough to create it. I did not have the tools to accomodate that disability or the finances to get them, and so for a really long time I was basically cut off from... what honestly felt like my ability to connect with people.

this sucked very badly in many ways. it's still not back to where it was before things got worse, but I'm happy with where it's been recently. I don't know how much of that is connected to getting a blood transfusion and the affiliated correction to my quantity of blood. I don't know how much of it is just pure desperation to reconnect with a world that I feel estranged from. We will come back to this point because I have a different tangent first:

I really don't like vent art. I don't like making it, I don't like posting it, and I don't like seeing it. I understand why people make it - I understand why I do - but there's a very harsh rawness to it that feels inappropriate as a viewer. It's voyeuristic; it's a look into something incredibly deeply personal hurt and an equally deep and genuine desire to have that hurt seen, validified, comforted.

I do not think vent art is bad to create or share, to be clear. The fact it makes me uncomfortable does not illegitimize it. Could honestly strengthen its reason for existing, to be quite honest.

The line blurs with disability, though, and this is where we come back to the original tangent, because to talk about disability that cannot be cured will innately be seen as venting. It's basically inevitable, in my experience. You're supposed to want to get better. You're supposed to hate existing like this. So if you mention it, to people who haven't either been in the same boat or who haven't taken the time to work through their own baggage about it, it's innately a vent. It's innately a hurt that you're burdening them with, a hurt that you want recognized and helped. My family members have been particularly bad about this viewpoint, but so have friends and medical professionals. So have strangers. I find it akin to arguments against gay public displays of affection; two men holding hands is sexual, using a mobility aid is pitiable. You get me? There's that innate sense that you, as the person watching a disabled person be disabled, should be feeling something about it, and if it's not inspiration porn, obviously you're meant to be sad. If it wasn't clear, this is the description of a train of thought that I believe is entirely incorrect.

Anyways. So disability art ends up grouped as vent art if you talk about it sucking at all, even if the suck is about the barriers presented by society and not the disability itself. I can, of course, only speak for my own experience, which is what this post is about, so my situation is very much barriers-focused.

People really, really aren't good at dealing with the discomfort part, what I detailed as the emotions I feel around vent art. People don't know what to do when you don't want help, or their help doesn't help (for whatever reason), or basically in any situation where you can't actually fix things, which is a lot of Being Disabled. It's hard to sit with that discomfort, especially when it's about a person's vulnerability. People want to help others, generally, in my experience, and it's difficult to not be able to when it's someone you care about.

Which all ties back into the voyeurism; to be visibly disabled is to be a spectacle. This has also been pretty inevitable, in my experience. Being in a wheelchair draws attention. Using a cane draws attention. Wearing an eye patch draws attention. So on and so forth. Sometimes this is great - people will offer their chairs to me sometimes if I'm using my cane, for example, which I appreciate - and sometimes it is less great.

This ties in, for me, with the part people REALLY don't like talking about, which is sex and sexuality. How do you date when you can't go out to many places? How do you get to know someone when you live with others and can't invite them over? How do you look sexy when you feel and kind of look like a corpse? These are all questions I'd love to know the answers to, because I'm shit out of luck on figuring it out so far, and that's not even touching on the actual sex, because I don't want to get this post filtered if I can help it. There's a balance, right, of being visible on purpose by flirting, dressing up, going out, making an impact, that is both directly overlapping with and directly opposed to the inevitable visibility of visible disability. They juxtapose magnificently, in a kind of sun and moon during an eclipse sort of way, you get me? You have to lean into it. You have to make yourself comfortable in that visibility because it's inevitable, and you are going to inevitably be viewed as a spectacle because you've leaned into it, and you're never going to be viewed as sexual because nobody will ever distinguish that there are two kinds of visibility being done, here.

And THAT I think is where my art is at right now, trying to convey that overlap. I do not think I have been subtle about it - it's loud colors, sharp lines, layers of vandalism over the original draft, a kind of intentional obscuration that implies many others were drawn to leave their mark there. You know? But because of What It Is, I do think it causes discomfort in the overlap. It's supposed to. It's inevitable that it would. I think being disabled is overtly sexual in the way being gay is overtly sexual in the way being trans is overtly sexual, in that none of them are but none of them aren't, either, in the right contexts or the wrong ones. People are going to see you exist and come to their own conclusions about how wrong you must feel in existing, and they will be made uncomfortable by that perception, and they will want to fix you. You have to accept that or you have to be uncomfortable right back. There's not really a third option that keeps you alive. This is all connected to the art, because the art is also inherently sexual, for approximately the same reasons.

So the tldr is "op is it weird if I think this is hot" is both the intended response and yes, it is weird, and you have to sit with the fact that both of those are true and you have to be normal about it for the rest of your life forever, and also you should take that knowledge and get weirder about it. It's a complex system. I also may have described none of it. Good luck.

[flanaganfilm]

Good morning/ evening! My name’s Sam and I’m currently a film student hoping to get into freelance writing. I’ve got a couple questions if you don’t mind (hoping you haven’t already answered them and I just missed them).

When you first starting making your own films, did you have already have thick skin for any critics/ bad reviews? Or is that something you grew over time?

Also, for your production company, do you hire interns and PAs or do you prefer filmmakers with more experience?

Thank you!

To your first question, I do not have a thick skin in that area AT ALL and never have. I don't know many people who do.

I'm often approached by fans who will talk about what a project of mine means to them, or I find a review or think piece online where the author really connected with my work. I want to let that feedback in, because it's validating. But letting it in means letting ALL of it in, even the negative. I don't really get to pick and choose. Once I decided to let myself react emotionally to other people's feedback, those gates are open I've got to accept whatever comes through.

I take my work very seriously, and tend to pour my heart and soul into it. We make these things because we love them. It can literally take years of daily work to do. When people love it, it feels great. When people don't, it hurts. There's really no way around that.

Film criticism has, like a lot of things, devolved over time. I was a massive fan of Robert Ebert, who was thoughtful and sophisticated in his critiques (most of the time), and tried to approach each movie he watched on the film's own terms - from the perspective of "how successful was this at achieving what it set out to do?" I see a lot of criticisms today that don't do this, and instead are lamenting what a movie is or isn't, saying things like "I wish this was more..." or "This isn't good because I wanted it to be something else."

"I wanted a ________ and what I got instead was ______ so it sucks."

The other issue is that loud, sensationalized vitriol gets more clicks. Negative reviews, especially brutal and callous ones, get more attention than positive ones. I've gotten to know and befriend some professional critics over the years, who have all told me that the positive reviews don't generate the audience reaction quite like the negative ones. People enjoy watching things get beat up. We reward the wrong kind of discourse, and that isn't unique to film criticism - it's everywhere. That's just a symptom of our culture.

One of my great frustrations is how we assert our opinion as objective truth. There's nothing more dangerous than tweeting "I liked ______ movie!" The comments flood in about how you're wrong, how it sucks, blah blah blah. People think their own taste is somehow factual. If someone says "I had a fantastic steak dinner last night and I loved it," we don't say "you're wrong, steak sucks". We understand the concept of taste when it comes to other things we consume, but when it comes to entertainment each one of us thinks we're the ultimate authority.

For myself, my producer and my wife have long discouraged me from reading reviews. I still can't help it. It's not healthy though. I can scroll past a dozen positive ones, and they evaporate in my mind, but I read one scathing thing and it sticks with me for days. There is one particular review of MIDNIGHT MASS that is one of the most baffling and frustrating things I've ever read, as the author appears to have misunderstood just about every aspect of the series, and drawn the angriest, most misguided, most erroneous conclusions. I read it with my jaw on the ground... "but they're objectively wrong. That isn't what happens, and that isn't what the show is even about." But what can I do? Who am I to say their experience of the show is invalid? They feel how they feel, and that's fine. That's okay. It has to be.

So your skin doesn't get thicker, it is a bizarre emotional experience to put something personal out there into the world and see the gamut of reactions. But at a certain point you have to remind yourself that it's impossible to please everyone, and that these projects don't belong to the filmmaker - they belong to the audience, and each and every one of those experiences is unique and valid. Perhaps there are lessons to be learned, and perhaps the critique can help you grow as a filmmaker.

I have similar feelings when I see someone trashing someone else's work I happen to love - for example, I remain baffled by people who didn't like EVERYTHING EVERYWHERE ALL AT ONCE, but that doesn't mean anything. It didn't work for them, that's all. Nothing works for everyone.

I have found over the years that I respect and appreciate analyses and criticisms that take this more personal point of view, and talk about their own interaction with the work as opposed to just dismissing it outright. When someone says "this movie didn't work for me," or "I didn't connect with it," or "It just wasn't my cup of tea," I have a much easier time taking it seriously. It's changed how I talk about my own reactions to movies or shows that I didn't respond to. And I found that it's made it much easier for me to enjoy things even if they aren't quite for me. Instead of being reactive and saying "it sucks" or "I hate this," I've gotten better at realizing it's not a binary experience - I can look at what DOES work for me, and I can appreciate it, even while other elements might not.

It makes for a much more nuanced discussion, and helps me grow. Sometimes, though, it's just the wrong thing to watch on the wrong day, and that's fine too. Maybe that makes it a little easier. If I step out of something and just really don't enjoy it, it helps remind me that it's not personal. Clearly, other people DO enjoy these things, sometimes I'm very much in the minority. And when that happens, I can say "oh, it's not so bad if someone hates a movie I made, or a show, or whatever. Life's too short."

But I long ago decided I'd never say anything negative about someone else's work in public. I know too much about what it takes to make a movie, and I'm not a critic. I'm a filmmaker. This town is too small, and there is zero upside in dragging another filmmaker's efforts. On the rare occasions when I do see another filmmaker indulge in that behavior, it is always a terrible look. And it can have real-world consequences - there are a few filmmakers who I've seen publicly slag off other people's work, and I quietly decided never to hire them. Like I said, it's a small town... and most of us read what people say about our work.

We should get back to that work, remember how lucky we all are to do this for a living, and leave that kind of thing to the critics.

[eddiediazismyhusband]

That's a good point about it being the official account, not personal. I guess what gives me some sense of optimism is how happy they both look? Like even though they're both actors, Oliver especially is not great at hiding his true feelings sometimes while still being professional (see: that one interview with l*u) So if they were being forced into this, knowing that it was pure 100% bait with nothing good possibly coming for buddie this season (as you mentioned, things can change. but at least to start) I just don't know if either of them would look as smiley and carefree as they do.

But I also agree with you that we as fans often lose sight of the bigger picture of this still being a job and a business. We've seen cast members (*cough* Oliver, again) express displeasure with certain storylines in the past but at the end of the day it's their job to act, promote, and do certain things whether it's what they'd want or not. Fox before and ABC now want to get as much hype, hits, and eyeballs for the show to have success. Of course we love this kind of content, and in our minds it makes complete sense for certain roads to lead to certain ends but that can blind us at the same time.

I also want to say I appreciate you being so rational and honest with your concerns and being a space whether others can voice theirs

my view on the oliver thing is that that’s just how he is around ryan… the two of them cannot stop being little giggling blushing messes around each other (….take that for what you will….)

i also think the video was such a general “we’re back for season 8” and ryan decided to jump in and photobomb, and oliver probably assumed that that take wouldn’t be used (bc having worked in social media for productions before, those videos also have several takes that are examined by someone else before approval) so oliver most likely didn’t know if they would use this specific video or not— and so he and ryan were just being the goofballs they are

and don’t get me wrong i LOVE ryan and oliver content… when its being posted by themselves. its when the 911 instagram, the sole purpose of which is to draw attention for the show, uses them as this pretty thing to bring in likes and comments. so i dont believe they were as much being “forced” as much as i feel like it was a situation where oliver was told to film a promo video, ryan jumped in and they goofed off, assuming it probably wouldn’t be used (and also since it was such a general video not thinking about the buddie connotations) and a producer or someone else was like “this will get people talking” and it just went down the line and snowballed into yet snother talking point… which is exactly what they (the production) want it to be.

I really don’t like coming across as a debbie downer or someone who is constantly complaining about the show, but my anxiety prevents me from being able to healthily engage in speculation and (what may be fun for other people) delulu activity, and i kinda wanna be a place, like you said, where people can feel free to soundboard their own concerns about the show without fear of being told “YOURE WRONG BC I FEEL LIKE WE ARE CLOSER THAN EVER” like a lot of bigger blogs tend to do… i like to try and keep my expectations low and realistic (esp after not doing so last season, snd sesing how much mental stress it put me under) and i want to be able to be an outlet for people whose brains also work like that

now i don’t say this with the intent to yuck people’s yum and say you CANT have fun w spec and being delulu, but unfortunately a lot of bigger blogs get trigger happy and act like their delulu is 100% gospel truth what’s going to happen and it just sets up people for disappointment, and while for a lot of people that disappointment is nothing more than a “oh fuck not again… oh well” for some of us out brains process it differently and it creates a sense of dread and upset and i don’t want to be that person. i still have those moments where my brain wants to slip into delulu land, but i let myself do that so much last season to my own detriment that i am trying to remain much more pessimistic and cautious this time around, bc i have found that lower expectations usually yeild better (or more easily digested) results.

thank you for the ask/discussion, anon and im sorry for kinda hijacking your ask to make a post about the relationship between fandom activity and mental health but you kinda provided a clear stage and my yapping capabilities took over for a second 💀💀

[cloudmancy]

not to rekindle old discourse if you've moved on, but i was listening to you & @kindlespark's interview on the complicated women podcast / have enjoyed reading your fhjy posts and wanted to ask your thoughts on why the beginning of the season felt so promising to you? i enjoyed the premiere and the premise of the stresses of 11th grade/the rat grinders as foils, but as the season continued i started to feel disillusioned - it seemed less and less like an interactive/collaborative story (cassandra's death, fig's quest to rehabilitate ruben, the ratgrinders being really hard to find/interact with in general) and more of a tour through some unsatisfying callback easter eggs (i simply don't care about porter and it kind of felt like not even emily did). imo the ratgrinders were set up to fail as a narrative concept ever since the bad kids got mad at them for grinding and brennan just sheepishly grinned and shrugged at the camera, and while i share your disappointment that there was no coming together/addressing the root academic injustices that plagued both the bad kids and the ratgrinders, i don't think it was as surprising to me, as the season had already felt too filled with bits/joking around to be that dramatically tight - ironically, i think they got too bogged down in roleplaying scholastic tedium. i tend to come to d20 with a mindset of like, this is primarily a comedy and if they end up producing a satisfying narrative arc, great (and they certainly have achieved this in the past), but i don't think it's a coincidence that most d20 seasons are regarded as having unsatisfying endings - i think it's an incredibly hard thing to do in a ttrpg setting, even for professionals, especially so if their instincts are more towards comedy. they are great artists and improvisers, but evidently that doesn't mean they can't fail to cohere, and i think this season suffered from a lack of investment in narrative all around - brennan not being as flexible with the plot as he's been in the past, the players i think (some anyway) feeling a little tired of these characters and playing them as more chaotic/violent than usual (kristen's random nudism, fig's truancy, gorgug's hatred/bullying of maryann, fabian threatening to skin ivy). idk, i'm just rambling at this point - my overall message is that i'm in agreement that the finale was a letdown, but i'm curious as to how you thought the promising themes interacted with the story/performances in the earlier parts of the season, cause when i look back at it i don't see a unified vision, just some individually interesting pieces that never seemed to fit together, and i don't think i just feel that way in hindsight, but am open to other perspectives (disclaimer that obv this is all opinion and subject to debate)

here are sam's thoughts on it!

ok my thing is that 1) i love porter as a villain and i don't think the twist takes away from his character; i think brennan tied him to ankarna REALLY well and with genuine thought. the lore drop scene in the temple was genuinely chilling and very very cool to me and brennan clearly set up a lot of lore around it that was interesting and not just funny bc fig thought he was bad the whole time. i think porter is a great character and had the bad kids engaged with his philosophy of rage and not had ice feast completely nullify his threat he could've been a really compelling villain. 2) i genuinely had hope for the rat grinders because of brennan's insistence to make npcs like eugenia talk about them as foils, the fact that they used to be the high-five heroes, and the fact that he made them closer to unwilling participants than actual villains. seemed like genuine threads of complexity that the bad kids just didn't pick up on, but i also clearly was fooled bc that brennan didn't react to fig's attempts to convert ruben shows that he wasn't really prepared to have the final battle as anything but tbk vs trg 😭 i think the downtime system was actually really fun and effective at portraying both scholastic tedium while also embellishing the themes (rage tokens!!) 3) this probably wasn't made clear in the ep but i didn't expect d20 to write a perfect thematic story about addressing systemic injustices; i just wanted them to give me any kind of thematic acknowledgment in the battle at all and not just with ankarna. i am very aware that im always reading into the subtext of d20 seasons--that lament is more for the subtext that Could've Been. i agree with you about everything you've said wrt ttrpg settings and lack of narrative investment, but i had higher hopes because fhsy and tuc are so much better with their themes and the themes brennan appeared to be setting up seemed so… obvious to me…. it had me ignoring all the red flags 😭

[thetriggeredhappy]

I adore your writing style and especially your dialogue! I was wondering if you had any advice for writing dialogue, especially accents and incorporating colloquialisms without it sounding schlocky?

Im having trouble beating my head against the wall of my wip rn and though u might have some wise wisdom 😅

short answer, if it’s a specific character, try to reread and/or relisten to any dialogue that that character has and riff off of the way that they already speak. an amount of it’s intuitive—scrub back and forth from reading what you wrote and listening to their dialogue. eventually you’ll get the hang of that character’s voice!

unhelpful answer, when i was younger and did theater i put in a lot of effort in my free time to start learning how to do accents and vocal tricks, and that later carried over into writing dialogue for characters from different regions and backgrounds.

very long, in-depth answer:

the thing about accents is that, in technicality, every single person in the world has an “accent”—for purposes of, mostly, speech therapy (be it for people who are the victims of strokes or head trauma, or for people who want to train their way out of a speech impediment) there’s a “standard” version and accent of every language and region. in english, the main ones are “north american standard”, “british standard”, and “australian standard”. but the fascinating thing about those is that nobody speaks that way.

“no, i’m american and i don’t have an accent! i talk exactly like north american standard!” no you don’t! every single region of the united states has, at minimum, one speech quirk that may or may not be found in other parts of the united states! the two that are most prevalent are the lack of pronunciation of two ‘r’s in the middle of a word—mirror pronounced “meer” instead of “meer-ror”, horror pronounced “whore” instead of “whore-ror”corridor pronounced “core-door” instead of “core-rih-door”—and the lack of pronunciation on two ‘t’s in the middle of a word—mitten pronounced “mih’en” instead of “mitt-ten”, button pronounced “buh’un” instead of “but-ton”, bottle pronounced “bodle” instead of “bot-tul”. then you have regional term variants—“pop”, “soda”, “soda pop”, “coke”; “water fountain”, “drinking fountain”, “bubbler”; “server”, “waiter”, “waitstaff”.

“but that’s just how i talk in casual settings! i use north american standard and the proper word when i’m at work/at school/academically/professionally!” exactly! that’s what an accent is! the way you talk in a casual setting is your natural accent! the way you talk to other people where you’re from is your natural accent! and, crucially, there are some contexts where your accent lessens!

when writing a character with an accent, it’s possible that they won’t have the strongest or most noticeable accent or dialect—in particular, in writing—when talking to people who don’t share that accent with them. when talking to people with accents that differ from our own, or when concerned about our clarity, or if generally invested in propriety, we tend to slow down, speak more deliberately, and use less “unclear” speech quirks. the more familiar we are with someone, or the less concerned we are about being misinterpreted, the more we might talk in our more natural mode of speech.

and even within the same accent, there might be variations and quirks specific to the person talking in terms of how much slang they use, how much they shorten sentences, how many region-specific figures of speech they use. if you’re trying to nail down a character voice that doesn’t have very much material to reference, it can help to find a different individual or character with more material who has a similar pattern of speech. it can be a twitch streamer, podcaster, youtuber, central character in a television show, anyone who talks casually for longer durations of time and with variations in their emotion, speed of speech, energy level.

there’s also a massive amount of variation in terms of who’s being spoken to! we tend to tighten up and speak more “properly” around authority figures, when in front of larger groups, around strangers, that sort of thing. conversely, when around a group we would consider “natives” to the type of dialect we prefer to speak, we might loosen up. this is sometimes called (to my recollection) a “sociolect”. in the real world, the comparison can be drawn to a “blaccent”, or to the “gay accent/gay lisp”, or to using “Esperanto”. this divide can be based on race, queerness, culture, generation, type of employment, or any other number of things, often in a combination.

when you encounter a word in a dialect you don’t speak and you don’t know what it means, try looking it up and comparing it to other usages you can find—don’t assume you understand the meaning at a glance, and don’t trust the very first source you hear it from. “bless your heart” seems so nice, but is in fact more brutal than a gunshot wound when said in the right tone. meanwhile, in australia, being called a “mighty cunt” is one of the friendlier terms someone might refer to you with. and consider a person’s region within the context! in the american midwest, a native saying that someone else there is “really nice” is a nothingburger. everyone is really nice. that’s considered a baseline expectation. but saying someone in Paris, France is “really nice” is absolutely buckwild and something very strange is happening. in Mexico, a native saying someone is a “good man” in a serious tone is rather kind, but in Poland, a native saying the same thing about someone in the same tone of voice is an extremely high compliment to be giving and implies a level of closeness between the speaker and subject rivaled only by siblings.

ultimately, when in doubt, find more material to reference! you don’t need to reinvent the wheel—and when that fails, try a beta reader. the back and forth with another living person is so incredibly helpful, and a ton of your revisions will happen in the four seconds before you send the document over, or will come as you’re frantically editing it hoping to outpace the speed they read at.

i hope some of this is helpful and i haven’t horribly misquoted anything!

[writteninlunarlight-years]

Hi! can i get a match up for obey me?

Gender: Female

Pronouns: She/her

Sexuality: straight

Appearance: Pretty tall standing at 5’8 or 172 cm. I have brown hair with highlights. I mostly dress and do makeup in the style of trad goth. I have blue eyes

(MBTI &/or Engram if you would like to take the tests and add it) : INTJ

Personality: I’m more reserved. I don’t like to be around people much usually because most people in my area do bad things. I don’t mind social interactions though. I can be extroverted when with the right people. I have a low social battery and can be known to sort of zone out or want to leave places after a bit. I have adhd so if someone does get me talking about one of my interests I will be very excited and talk for a longer period of time. I also tend to be very paranoid due to personal matters.

Likes (at least like three things): Horror movies, cars, baby food, ice skating, sewing, acting, comics (specifically walking dead), reading, learning new things, music (goth music on top), films and tv shows in general, and men (lol)

Dislikes (at least three things): coffee, waking up early, and people who start drama and do bad things

Extra fun fact (this is about whoever you are describing to me): I’m a professional scare actor and I also do theatre acting.

~~~~~ MATCHUP ~~~~~

Obey Me!

Barbatos

~~~~~ HEADCANONS ~~~~~

Barbatos was a quiet man who kept to himself a lot. He preferred to associate himself only with Dia and Lucifer, though the other brothers came and went on that list of people he would deal with.

When you came into his life, he was skeptical. Dia had set you two up on a date since you were both entirely withdrawn.

After the date though he did seek you out again if only to hear you talk about your interests, you had a glow about you when you were enjoying something.

As time passed, Barbatos learned more of your tics and traits; at social gatherings, he would find an excuse for you to leave or help you plan the most direct way to get out of something.

Where you were controlled chaos for Barbatos, he was what kept you organized and sane.

When he visited the House of Lamentation to deliver news to Lucifer, he would stop by your room to talk briefly.

Barbatos really liked your style. It suited you, and he felt he could compliment you.

This man is very analytical and always looks for the best possible outcome.

Once you two were dating, he had even more of an excuse to take care of you and assist you in all manners of life. He even took on learning how to do your makeup for you.

~~~~~ BLURB ~~~~~

One of Dia's balls was in full swing, the music loud, and so many bodies crammed into a room. You were growing tired and restless, not liking all the close contact. As you began to overthink and panic about your escape, your partner appeared next to you. Barbatos extended his arm and helped guide you close to a balcony. The fresh air sounded nice, way nicer than everything in there. "I am sorry, dear, I can't help you escape yet; Dia plans to showcase all exchange students here shortly." You nodded briefly, just happy to know he did care about you.

As the music died into a slow dance, you turned to look at Barbatos, who was already staring off into the distance. He wasn't needed now; Dia was handling the event well, so this extra moment with you could exist. When he felt your eyes on him, he turned and picked up on the music. Extending his hand to you, he gracefully began to walk you around the balcony in a waltz. As you two danced, you felt light and at ease, Barbatos never judged you and always wanted to ensure you were comfortable.

Once the music ended, Barbatos bowed and took his leave, not before reminding you to come in soon for the speech. When you heard Dia speaking, you walked in and immediately found a spot next to Barbatos. Once the ceremony and the speech were done, Barbatos had a hand on the small of your back, helping lead you out of the crowded hall. Once at the entrance of the castel he spoke, "Remember to stick to the lit roads on your way back, as soon as we finish politics with the other demons I will come and visit you at the House of Lamentation." You smiled and decided to grace his cheek with a kiss. Barbatos never let his smile leave his face for the rest of the night.

~~~~~ EXTRA ~~~~~

(It was raining in the Devildom. Everyone was having a big slumber party at the castle. Everyone was in small groups. You and Barbatos were huddled in a corner, looking over your lines for a play that the school would be hosting.)

Barbatos: No, you should say it more like this.

Y/N: I could, but what about here? The character is obviously feeling sad where. If I said it like that, I would sound indifferent.

Barbatos: Why would that matter, love?

Y/N: Well, Barbatos, let's say I was on the verge of death. Would you sound sad and distraught or just indifferent?

Barbatos: Ah, I see, I would sound sad. However, this is a close friend who is dying, not a lover, and I can tell you for sure if any of the brothers were dying, I would be indifferent.

Mammon, Asmodeus, Leviathan, and Satan: HEY!

Lucifer: Dia, when has Barbatos ever been that happy?

Diavolo: I am the best matchmaker, aren't I? Maybe I should do you next.

[csuitebitches]

Book Review/ Notes from: The Psychology of Successful Women

I found the book pretty generic but I liked the fact that she added guiding questions to her strategies, which made it more doable. Here are the notes:

1. Define what success means to you. Ensure that it is healthy and holistic.

2. Note down your goals. “What do i want to be/do/have in my career?”

“A study on goal setting at the Dominican University in California showed you are 42% more likely to achieve your goals if you write them down. Written goals are proven to increase your focus, strengthen motivation and help you come up with a plan of attack to make your dreams a reality.”

3. We need a combination of the right mindset + behaviour in order to actually succeed.

4. Confidence isnt relative to being an extrovert or introvert. Confidence is about having trust in oneself.

A) developing a positive internal dialogue instead of a negative, critical one

B) focus on strengths rather than weaknesses. “.. revealed that people who used their strengths every day were three times more likely to report having an excellent quality of life, six times more likely to be engaged at work, 8% more productive and 15% less likely to quit their jobs.”

C) stop comparison - whether it means logging off social media or unfollowing/restricting certain people.

D) click with people with the same values as you.

E) believe in yourself. It’s not your job to prove yourself to everyone.

5. Developing a personal brand is important. A personal brand is how people see you and what you’re known for. Its important to consider how you present yourself online and offline.

• Your personal (people person/ adaptable/ flexible, etc) and professional strengths (what you really enjoy doing)

• What makes you unique

• Your achievements and qualifications

• Your life experiences

• Your values and the things that are important to you

• Your passions

• Your image

• Your mindset and attitude

• Your behaviour

Ask people around you how they see you - speak to people you deeply trust.

Reflect on that.

How would you like them to see you?

6. Imposter syndrome is often described as a pervasive feeling of self-doubt, inadequacy and incompetence, despite evidence of success.

A. Identity triggers and thought patterns to that lead you to feeling like a fake.

B. Acknowledge your past success and accomplishments. Write a list of some of your achievements and successes. Reflect on some of the great feedback you have received from a client or colleague in the past few months.

7. Boundary setting is a necessary evil. You will feel guilty at first, but it gets easier with time. You dont have to give out excessive excuses, either.

8. Fear of failure: What have you been putting off learning, doing or experiencing personally or professionally, because of fear of failure, or a fear of not being ready? • What can you do this week or month to stretch your comfort zone? • What would you do right now if you knew you absolutely couldn’t fail?

9. “Women tend to apologise a lot more than men in general, even when we have nothing to apologise for – almost out of habit. Do you say sorry a lot? Now this does not mean that we should never apologise, or that we can’t say sorry – of course we can. Just be mindful of over-apologising.”

Phrases to stop saying:

- I’m sorry that our director is unable to come today, you’ll have to put up with me instead…

- Apologies if I’m nervous today, I don’t often speak in public…

- I hope you dont mind but…

- I’m no expert on this but…

10. Stop diminishing yourself. “When we undervalue our role or contribution, we often reflect this in our language, and talk like what we do is not that important. Furthermore, when we don’t genuinely value ourselves, we may start to convince others of the same. People will often mirror back to us how we feel or speak about ourselves.”

11. “People with high levels of resilience think and act in ways that help them cope with change and setbacks. For example, they are flexible and can adapt to changing situations. They also tend to be positive and hopeful – believing the future can or will be better – even if they are in the middle of a challenge. Highly resilient people also don’t tend to dwell on setbacks and things they can’t change.”

Strategies:

1. Dont be afraid to ask for help. “People who are good at reaching out to others, talking about their challenges or setbacks, asking for help and then accepting that help, tend to cope better.”

2. Control what you can control. Do not focus on things you can’t control or change.

[findafight]

Controversial headcanons/opinions! That are mostly about Steve now that I read them back.

1. Stancy’s biggest roadblock is Nancy’s inability to admit she’s wrong/makes mistakes.

2. Jancy’s biggest roadblock is Jonathan’s parentification. Jon loves Will, but some of his devotion to him is tied up in that - something I think fandom tends to overlook. We’ve already seen that Nancy either forgets or underestimates how much the Byers rely on Jon and I would not put it past her to view him looking after Will on the same level as her having to look after Mike & Holly.

Even once it’s revealed and they talk about it, it’s going to open a rift between them.

3. Joyce doesn’t give a shit about Steve and never will. Hop gives a shit reluctantly, in a mostly professional capacity but will be haunted with guilt if Steve dies.

4. Karen Wheeler is a shitty person and if the Duffers wanted me to think different maybe shouldn’t have teased her considering sleeping with a kid her daughter’s age. Also doesn’t give a shit about Steve, but is better at hiding it.

5. Billy, while being in the closet and brimming with self hatred, did not have a crush on Steve - he wanted the weird codependent yet weirdly void of sexual tension friendship that Steve would go onto have with Robin.

The fact that Steve hated him and was constantly ignoring him or pushing back at him was part of the appeal. That and the fact Steve’s a bitch - Billy thought that was hilarious.

6. Steve intelligence wise is average and actually has a fairly broad general knowledge - he just has difficulty with the terminology and isn’t great at explaining things to other people.

7. Steve’s kids are Dustin, Max, Lucas and Erica. He will absolutely protect the other three, but any presence he continues to have in their lives is a by-product of the other four.

8. Mike has a on again/off again crush on Steve and it’s part of the reason he turns into an angry cat around him.

9. We will meet Vickie’s entire family before we see the Harringtons on-screen.

10. Jon would *not* react well to Stargyle happening - he refuses to believe Steve is queer, assuming he’s just messing with Argyle/trying to get revenge on Jon for cheating with Nancy (for added tragicomedy, this is how Steve finds out about that).

11. Eddie likes ABBA. I have no fucking idea why fandom seems to think that he’d hate it and has me genuinely questioning how many people in fandom have met an actual metalhead. I know he’s a pretentious douche, but *Jesus*.

12. Whatever else happens between them, Robin will always hold a grudge against Nancy for not knowing who she was when they were first introduced. Steve has the excuse of being a popular kid who was ignorant of his surroundings at all times. Robin is the person who could swipe Valedictorian out from under Nancy but chooses not too. See also, Barb and the handful of grudges she has with Nancy regarding Steve.

omg so many anon! let's do this. long post so I'm going to add a readmore!

Yeah I mostly agree? The inability to let Nancy apologize or be wrong I think really sets back her growth as a character no matter what, and it's really pronounced with stancy! It is something that could be resolved but I do not think the show will do that. Steve wasn't the person Nancy needed in s2, but maybe he is now. Idk there's better stancy meta out there haha There are issues they have I'd love to see addressed but. doubtful they will. Idk if nancy will end up single (like I think she should) but I also don't know if they're actually going to follow through on stancy revival in s5 or just leave jancy as is.

2. Jonathan's parentification!! Absolutely agree. He needs to work through his inability to move on and look to the future for himself. His focus is on Will, who needs more of an older brother from him than another parent, especially now Will is closer to the age Jon was when everything started. Jon is defined by his family, and them needing him. But we sort of see in s4 that Will is growing up, El is too, and they don't need him in the same way Will needed to depend on him in earlier seasons, and Jon is spending time smoking with Argyle, but not actually dealing with what he's feeling.

this is room for Jonathan to develop character-wise, but it's also so interesting how his parentification has been an issue with Nancy! Like she wants to be a priority, but Jon can't do that, because he hasn't figured out how to 1) focus on himself and his wants 2) let himself look at the future as something that isn't looming but something to look forward to!

God I would love to see him figure out what he actually wants and how to balance that with his loyaty to his family in the show! or read a jon focused fic where he gets to deal with these things.

3. Joyce doesn't like steve :'| why would she? he's just some guy to her that Jon didn't like and who used to date her son's girlfriend. Steve's not on her radar at all she doesn't give a shit about him lol (I should write more of the joyce doesn't like steve fic)

4. uhg yeah I think I've already posted about alternatives to the stupid Karen side-plot where it's like. random pool middle age affair man, flirting with mr. clarke, or just her making moves on her own husband to show she wants to make changes in their marriage and the fair being a little date for the wheelers or SOMETHING to make her not creepy and actual have it mean something to her character? or just. not! include! any karen plotline at all!

5. billy is interesting because i would say there might be some one-sided sexual thing happening between him and Steve, and Steve hating and ignoring him would totally egg him on with whatever was going on in his brain. idk if he wanted it actually actionable but was probably going for some weird and very intense pscho-sexual homoerotic relationship. maybe not what could be described as a crush but certainly not whatever stobin has going on (though if he had lived stobin would have also pissed him off lol)

6. Yes! steve can understand a lot if he's given time to understand it. like he's just not a genius or talking fast, and he asks clarifying questions so he (and everyone else) knows exactly what's happening. maybe that might look like he's getting left behind but he's making sure everyone is on the same page, which is actually an important part of plans and sharing info. I'd also say he'd probably have pretty good head for strategy!

7. Dustin, Max, Lucas and Erica are absolutely steve's kids! thank goodness we got Steve and Max content in s4, but I'd love to see more of Steve and Lucas and Erica! I do love Steve with El too, because I think they should and could have a great dynamic, but that's all fanon, unfortunately. Mike and Will having some kind of relationship with Steve are just byproducts of Steve being friends with the others.

8. Mike and his mortifying crush on steve is so precious to me. He'd be so mad about it. It'd be so funny. to me. not for him. but for me :)

9. Harrington parents will remain an unsolved mystery haunting the fandom forever and always. We will know the names of Robin's grandparents and their pets before we see or hear anything more than Mr. and Mrs. Harrington.

10. I am obsessed with this idea. I love stargyle sort of coming out of nowhere for other people. My favourite. They can bond over having great hair and being a chauffeur for children not related to them. Jon side-eyeing this so hard even tho maybe he's been focusing on Nancy and their relationship when steve and argyle are having their Bonding Moments. The confrontation of Jon accusing Steve of getting with Argyle to mess with him, Steve going "what the hell. why would I have an elaborate polt to mess with you that included pretending to be queer? and kissing a man? multiple times??"

and Jon blurting about how of course he would to get back at jon for cheating with Nancy and steve just stopping. and trying to clarify. and Jon digging himself deeper. ooooooh. something to think about and expand on?? 👀👀👀

11. it was the 80s and disco was way out of style but also. who doesn't like ABBA. don't trust anyone who doesn't like at least one ABBA song. suspicious. Eddie would be vocal about his hatred for Progressive Rock though.

12. Robin and her grudges!!!! omg yes if robin was holding herself back from being valedictorian she'd be Pissed that Nancy didn't know who she was. like at least know your rivals! that in combination with the barb thing and all the steve things. Robin's not letting it go. I love her pettiness she's so funny and great. Queen.

[starwarsanthropology]

i need to know more about tomo pls i love 'dog with separation anxiety' characters

Ok ok I gotta put this under a cut because hes. rotating inside my head always. Going to put a link to his whole little page i posted bc this gives you Some basic information as to his Vibes.

Tomo is a Corrie medic! He’s got a few different like. personas he puts on depending on context. I talk a lot about his Weird Little Unhingedness persona bc thats when he’s letting is all out without hesitation or shame, which is really fun, but he’s a brother first, then a medic, and then a pathetic little creature.

As a vod and a brother, he is very, very loyal and committed to his siblings. His core guiding motivation is to make things better for them, but because of how he thinks this tends to be an individual focus rather than a group focus; he’ll individually get everyone a blanket before pushing for a new project to get everyone blankets, etc. 

When he’s off duty and relaxed, he tends to be a friendly, nice guy. Will bend over backwards to help a vod, even one he doesn’t know, with minimal questions asked. Not a whole lot of respect for rules and authority; if you can’t indicate the practical reasons behind a standard or regulation, he will probably ignore it at his convenience. HOWEVER, he is also Definitely younger sibling coded and can be a bit of a shithead as a treat. Kind of a doormat and seems easy to bully but once he realizes he’s being teased or bullied he’ll go from the NOOOO!!! NOOO!!! younger sibling tears to I’m A Medic And I Can Tolerate And Shut Down So Much Bullshit on a dime. Likes people, likes to be around people in general, will worry and fret and scold if you’re being a bit reckless but also the biggest enabler in all of the med corps tbh. Believes in happiness and autonomy as a primary element of wellbeing and this drives a lot of that enabling; is the most likely corrie medic to go out of the way to let u keep a scar you want even if it makes his job fixing underlying structures more difficult.

He’s actually quite good at being professional when hes Being A Medic, and honestly can be a little ruthless, in terms of not hesitating to make calls (because that’s how you get people killed). His specialization is in orthopedic and reconstructive/plastic surgery, which in practice means he’s NOT out of medical much when on shift; if he’s called onto site, things are really bad. On a good day he has no emergency cases, but most of his emergencies are cases where there needs to be immediate and dramatic surgical intervention to prevent fatality. Amputations, skin grafts, major muscular trauma, broken bones; he sees a lot of really nasty shit, in his emergency capacity. In a non-emergency capacity, he still sees a lot of unpleasant and upsetting things, because he’s, yknow. reconstructing things and overseeing recovery from skeletal trauma, but it’s much much safer and less stressful. As a result of all this, he has a really strong stomach and a skewed sense of when gore, blood, or guts gets upsetting.

Also in his capacity as a medic, but off-regulation, Tomo provides a lot of suppourt to trans vode with gender-affirming care! He’ll do just about anything that’s not hazardous; he refers for tracheal shaves and bottom surgeries that require significant specialization or more advanced/specialized equipment than he has. But fillers, FFS, top surgery, horomone access? He’s gotchu.

Also; he knows he's cute. He knows people see him kind of as a pathetic little creature. He ABSOLUTELY weaponizes the shit out of this as a medic. he can cry on command because he learned the magical efficiency of just BURSTING into tears on someone avoiding the medbay. If you aren't guilted/made uncomfortable enough to comply he'll just get someone to drug you and haul you off lol

He’s a really affectionate, friendly, and easygoing guy overall, but the part of him that i talk about most often is his Little Freak setting. This is a manifestation of extreme seperation anxiety. He’s good at respecting verbal boundaries but is a Stage 5 Clinger. He will follow you into the bathroom if ur having a conversation and not notice until ur like excuse me that its weird. He’s really scared of loosing people, either to death or just to the vast distances of the galaxy, so he really really wants to be like. tangibly tied to people. This is where his cannibalism schtick comes from like he cannot imagine a closer intimacy than the physical substance of one’s self being intergrated into the other through consumption…. carry him with you forever and vice versa….. woah…..

@mamuzzy also pulled a GALAXY BRAIN take putting him w Mereel in that one art. Rotted my brain hard for them as a cringefail couple where their respective toxic traits slide off each other like water off a duck. I have a Lot of meta for that im not going to elaborate on too much beyond tomos tendancy towards clinginess being satisfied by mereel pinging him when he’s away, mereel being unbothered and indulgent of his weirdness, and tomo being game enough to help mereel that mereels habit of social engineering and manipulation to get what he wants doesnt have a chance to get toxic bc tomo is already willing give mereel whatever he wants with the ironclad exception of endangering his patients, which he is too stubborn and protective to be manipulated directly about anyway.

I decided that they met bc mereel needed to change his apperance for smth, hooked up w tomo (convenient emotionally vulnerable mark! yippee!) to gain access to medical supplies, was asking about a kind of filler (intended use for joint injuries but off-label use as a filler) to figure out if he can self-administer it and Tomo was immediately like oh i can administer it if you want to try! It’s easy to dissolve if you don’t like it! Mereel agreed, Tomo put in the temporary fillers, and they both walked away from the encounter satisfied and with each other’s contact information in their pocket.

It is very important to note that while Tomo IMMEDIATELY recognized Mereel was interested in the filler’s capacity to change facial structure and apperance, he did not realize Mereel wanted apperance-altering interventions for a mission until months later when someone pointed out he is a black ops specialist and got together with Tomo to use his skills n specializations.  He had fully been working on the assumption that Mereel had just been interested in gender exploration even after they had an established pattern of Tomo administering temporary cosmetic procedures for Mereel’s missions

ANYWAY thank u I love him he is so deeply strange. just an odd little dude.

[lavender-teardroplettes]

I realized that one of Si’s ships is Si x Bess and since I absolutely adore both Si and Bess I was wondering if you would talk more about them? You can throw in Steph too if you want🙂

Gosh Si x Bess is such a self indulgent tft ship. Bess is already like a mentor figure in Si's life and someone he highly respects not only as his boss, but as a strong and confident woman. I see him coming to her for a lot of advice, cute lil movie nights as friends in the beginning, and Si eventually working up the courage to confess attraction outside of a work setting. Of course...Bess had an idea of his feelings but didn't push him towards anything since she of all people is aware of the power balances between them as a professional Dom and wanted to make sure they would be doing things the right way since Bess has a lot on her shoulders that doesn't need to be disrupted because of workplace mishandling. At that point, Si probably would have to find a new job to keep it above board, which kinda sucks, but something that he'd be willing to do to protect her career even if dating didn't work out.

And holy hell are they cute together. Super cuddly and affectionate, doing each other's hair, Si meeting Bess's family and just...finding a home he's never had before. It's honestly the sweetest, purest, relationship in my opinion if you take away all the kink play lol, but even with that it's honestly just really cute. Stone tops man, stone tops.

When you add Steph into the mix, it honestly get better and is one of the best "Steph" relationships in my opinion. Bess is a wonderful mediator and Steph's other best friend, so she's the one who sits Si and Steph down to really talk out their feelings since Steph's stubbornness and autism tends to clash with Si's really hard sometimes. It always ends in group cuddles and kisses and eventually Steph and Si learn to communicate better than how they would bicker like they were teens again. Since Si's the least busy out of the three, I see him essentially taking care of all the pets (two ferrets, two cats) and being the general house husband while his two strong and independent partners make their bag. He's got hot bath and messages ready for a particularly bad day. 💕