#I get -200 bitches

[as-de-spadas]

In this Ace Day, and in solidarity to all asexuals of the world, I will be having ALL the sex in the world so no one has any. Not so sexual now, ace boy.

I got this guys :D

[trlvsn]

the edgeworth-fey history is so fucked up but so overlooked because despite the dl-6 case leaving maya fey motherless and edgeworth not only fatherless but with no justice served to the real killer for 15 years maya and edgeworth were like. sure i will watch steel samurai movies with this guy. no hard feelings whatsoever. it's never discussed between them and no one is ever blamed for anything because these two came out of a situation so cruel and unjust and somehow ended up so wisely kind. every time i notice that specific flavor of wise kindness in ace attorney characters (beanix, maya, edgeworth who would never admit it but it's true, trucy, etc) it breaks my heart a little and puts it back together with the hope this idea contains (maya fey this is mainly about maya fey have you seen how she is never angry with anyone except when she allows herself to be a kid around phoenix have you seen it have you noticed it) (i have. i have)

[c0l0re]

Do you think when Jon and Martin were getting torn through realities at the Panopticon they saw glimpses of all the realities where they were still happy together?

Ones where they never dealt with any of the Fears at all? Ones where they were never interrupted at the safehouse? Ones where they both quit the Institute together?

It'd be one thing if only Jon saw them, but what if Martin saw them, too? Do you think they both saw explicit evidence that they could have been happy together? That they could have been safe? That, in some other world, some other time, their love wasn't tarnished by circumstance?

[jonahmagnus]

I dont think the Eye "hates Jonah and wants Jon more" I think that Jonah is the Eye's precious little german boy that it adopted under its wing and raised with love and affection for over 200 years and Jon is some stray animal that wandered in that Jonah took home and the Eye sighed and scheduled a vet appointment for

[thund3randrain]

ok but if archivist!Sasha then what if web!Jon? What then?

[junespriince]

You know what fuck it, been thinking about this since I made this account, in honor of my old adhdslugcrimes(to sluggishslugcrimes) I will do a whole damn year of birdflash headcanons once again for 2025, and also in honor for the old penname rei it's Sluggy 2025's yearlong headcanons time.

My criteria

Do it in the memory of Rei's 2020 yearlong headcanon post I did on a whim that got me my best friend Nebby into my life.

I will NOT prepare for it just like the original one

I will suffer and hate myself

And I will add my aus in there because at this point these bitches live rent free for far too long and are paying the price.

So, see you at January 1st 2025 for Yearlong birdflash headcanons, Sluggy reckoning!

Editing: added flashfam and Batfam and random dc headcanons after some thought, I remember my cringe 😬

[myownprivatcidaho]

yt coworker whose parents pay her rent and has been increasingly hostile to me in the work environment bc shes had it out for me ever since ive said fuck the police reported me to hr for a joke i left on a sticky note in the fridge and now im on unpaid leave

[hellmumheccy]

Dropping this and disappearing again

[welcometoteyvat]

fighting for my life trying to get a shimenawa atk% crit rate crit damage sands

[chaoticvictorianspirit]

On strange jobs and family legacies

(or how a certail Mr. Fell got himself a barber in the 1800's and has been visiting him ever since...or so he believes)

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a very short drabble inspired by this post by @andhumanslovedstories (hope you don't mind me taking this delicious inspo, shoving it down my greedy throat and running away with it like a feral dog)- anyway enjoy!

*somewhere in London, at a pub, in the wee hours of the morning probably*

"So the job market's damn tough these days, right? The missus thinks I oughta spruce up my applications but I just.. how does one even go about adding 'amateur occult barber' to their CV?"

"Probably list it as a special skill. Wait, what do you mean occult?"

*shrugs* "Yeah, man, my family's been, like, haunted? For generations. This strange fella pops up every four years like clockwork to get his haircut. His hair doesn't actually grow all that much though so he mostly just gossips for a bit and then leaves. Some thought he was a vampire but he shows up in mirrors just fine, so...my money's on ghost."

"Ha, right. That's enough whiskey for you, mate. You're wasted."

"Am not! It's all true! Goes all the way back to my great-great-great-great-maybe even greater-grandfather! We kinda pass him down through generations. You know how some families have, like, war medals and gold watches and stuff as heirlooms? Think that, but a bit more fucked up. There's even this big family book of all his crazy stories and all!"

"...you realise how insane you sound, right?"

"Meh, you get used to it. His tips alone put the last five generations of my family through university so we just kinda stopped asking questions."

"So you're telling me. You're haunted. By a billionaire ghost."

"Yup."

"And he doesn't...I don't know, torment you in any way? Just.. asks you to cut his hair."

"Uh-uh. Not so big on the whole door-slamming, wall-scratching, book-throwing business. Just got a knack for personal grooming I suppose."

"...Brian, you're an accountant."

"Yeah. I don't think he noticed."

[otabekisautistic]

“everyone over the age of 6 months should get this booster” okay maybe it shouldn’t be 200 fucking dollars then???

[mearcatsreturns]

I’m rereading the Alpha and Omega series (on Burn Bright—I typically just reread Fair Game) by Patricia Briggs and oof. If I were Leah, I would have betrayed Bran after 200 years of being treated like shit and being called an idiot by the various Cornicks (even Anna is, unknowingly, pretty casually cruel to her in her own home). Anyway, #JusticeForLeah

[scarfacemarston]

.

[toasteaa]

Me, bringing my car to the dealership: Hi, I just need a full oil change and a tire rotation!

The dealership: WARNING MA'AM YOUR CAR IS ABOUT TO EXPLODE YOU NEED A FULL OIL CHANGE 20 NEW TIRES YOUR ENGINE IS FALLING OUT YOUR WINDSHIELD WIPERS ARE STREAKY YOUR AC IS CONTAMINATED YOUR BRAKES NO LONGER WORK YOUR SPARK PLUGS AREN'T SPARKING CAR IS CRYING PLEASE GIVE US $2000 MORE TO FIX THESE ISSUES!!!!

[thateclecticbitch]

[gaygryffindorgal]

the goldcrests; elyan goldcrest

elyan was born in the 13th century to aegar the uncrowned and kerina slytherin. his family had long been embroiled in a bid for power over all wizardkind and thus he grew up surrounded by politics and warfare. elyan's younger brother was theodric, born under the prophesied comet and thus his father always favoured him, raising him to one day take over the rebellion, although he was the younger son. elyan had a strong military mind and he commanded his father's army. he was also intelligent and better suited for leadership than his brother. elyan and theodric didn't get along, and elyan resented theo for being the chosen one. despite not having been born under any comets, elyan had the affinity for fire magic that ran in his family ever since the days of vela the blood-witch and eadric spinebreaker. he was also a parseltongue from his mother's side. when elyan was 18, his family was attacked by a group of vampires sent by his father's enemies. elyan and theodric were both turned into vampires, while their mother was killed. their father aegar was not present at the time of the attack but began feverishly searching for a cure for vampirism when he found out. eventually, he was left with no choice but to cast a spell on his sons to make them sleep so the secret of their condition wouldn't spread. he continued looking for a cure until his death. elyan and theodric were left under the enchanted sleep, only waking up hundreds of years later in the late 1870s, when they were discovered by proteus gaunt, a member of their mother's line. his blood awakened the brothers and they rejoined society, attending hogwarts again. while at school, elyan changed his name into elian and began using his grandfather's old epithet goldcrest as a surname. he befriended malcolm stolberg-burke and primrose gray as well as met and fell in love with a muggleborn hufflepuff by the name of henry of alderly. the two were together until henry's death decades later. as the years passed and the brothers didn't age, they went by several different names and identities. elyan's goal was finding the crown his father and grandfather had worked on, a proto-deathly hallow that could offer anyone who wore it unlimited power. they attended school again in the 2000s, once albus dumbledore was out of the picture (due to his interest in the deathly hallows). elian continued serching for the crown and faced opposition when others, such as gabriel grimm also tried to get his hands on it. despite the rocky start to their relationship, elian and gabriel did eventually get married. as for theo, elyan always had a complicated relationship with his brother but ultimately they loved each other and knew the value in working together.

elian belongs to @potionboy3