Sometimes ranting about my issues help, but you're not obligated to pay attention
I've never failed anything school related; I was close once, back when I was 15, but I've always pulled through with mediocre to high grades.
The way things are going right now, that might change soon.
I'm on the 5th semester of my bachelors and I am so burnt out.
I've gotten through a lot by the help of spite, but this semester (which I started out being so excited and interested) have drained me so much. And I blame all of it on my study group.
We are four in the group. Me, Tamara, Klaus and Martin.
The class was split into two special lines at the end of the 4th semester, which made it difficult to create my own group for this semester as we were told to, as all the people I talked to chose the other special line of the education.
Tamara asked me if I wanted to group up, which I agreed to. I was just happy to be asked, you know?
The school wanted us to create 3-man groups, but on the first day after summer vacation it turned out that there was two 2-man groups, so we were combined into one 4-man group. I should have protested that.
Klaus was new to the class, as he'd just gotten back from a year with being sick due to stress, so I don't really blame him for anything; I know things can be hard, and I understand the struggles. Basic empathy, right?
The second time he called out from having a bad day, we all told him that we hoped that he'd feel better soon, as you do. And then the other two started talking about him in class, while he was home: they agreed that mental issues was just a bad excuse, and that you just had pull yourself together get past it. So, it was confirmed that I wouldn't be able to talk with them if I had issue, got it.
I told Klaus, privately, to let me know if there was anything I could do to help and that the others weren't as understanding to mental struggles.
We've been projecting a renovation of a 215 year old hospital/school building, and distributed different parts of the building between us. I got the top floor and the roof, and was to find a solution for getting more natural light.
The building is currently condemned due to mold, so we were geared up like we were in Breaking Bad when we got to go and see it.
Anyway, back to my issue.
I did sketches upon sketches of potential solutions, and we discussed it in the group, as one should with it being a group project, but every time I opened the digital model that we'd started on Martin had been in there and changed things in my work.
"Why is there a glass wall on my floor?" Martin thought that the best way to get natural light in a symmetrical building was to remove the right side of the hipped roof, making the ridge go all the way out the the wall and then put in a glass wall instead of bricks.
"Who moved the gypsum wall on my floor?" Martin thought that I had placed it wrong and moved it without asking.
On the topic of possible solutions for more natural light, I barely managed to suggest a dormer before Martin loudly proclaimed "no" and when asked for a reason, he said "because they're ugly" instead of being constructive.
Besides there being tonnes of more examples like this, he's also said things like "I have a friend who'd siding with Palestine, which is clearly wrong," and it feels like there's been at least one racist or general chauvinist comment on a daily basis, and it's just built up.
When I've complained to the others, they've been understanding and seemingly on my side, until I've tried to confront Martin on his behavior. I understand Klaus not wanting to get into a confrontation; he barely knows us and is still trying to get past his own issues. Tamara on the other hand are "apparently" trying to be neutral and find a middle road, without really noticing that Martin is messing with things that were already approved by the group and ruining several hours of my work without reason. But hey, it's not her work that he's messing with, so it's not that bad, right?
I tried to tell him that if there was things he was unhappy with, he should tell us when it first discussed, instead of bringing it up weeks later, when I'm about to put the finishing touches on my work. He legitimately just dismissed my complaint and ignored me, so yeah, I admit it, I got a bit emotional due to the disrespect. I'm a crier because no one ever taught me how to regulate my emotions, and I don't deal overly well when people won't listen to me.
And then fucking Tamara interfered by, condescendingly, saying "you shouldn't get emotional, Lohke. You're an adult and about to soon enter the workforce and no one wants to hire someone emotional."
Admittedly, I blew a casket.
I stood up and yelled at her "that it just doesn't always work like that, Tamara!" and fucked off to go cry in the bathroom.
I'm the oldest one of the four of us, but honestly Tamara seems to be of the idea that she's the most mature, presumably because she is the only one who has a child.
I can not with people talking down to me like that. I've been in the workforce for close to a freaking decade, and I've never been treated with this level of disrespect from someone who wasn't family before.
The last couple of months since then, I've stopped coming with inputs to the project, because I honestly don't care anymore. Everything has piled up too much and I've fallen into a hole of apathy, that I can't claim out of.
The exam is soon and I'm not overly hopeful.
If you've read this far, please cross your fingers that I'll at least manage a passing grade. Thanks.
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