#I hate that i make women uncomfortable just by my presence alone

[lillyviarabbit]

if only wishing could change things, but i'm too paralyzed to act

[torukmaktoskxawng]

tsamsiyu ta'em - calm before the storm

Masterlist - part seventeen

Summary: Just as the chapter's title suggests. It was the calm before the storm…

Pairing: Ronal/Tonowari/Original Female Character

Tag: #tsamsiyu ta'em fic

posted on ao3

Word Count: 11k+

Warnings: Fluff! Some awkwardness that happens after one makes a confession lol. Trauma regarding torture, loss of a child, body dysmorphia, etc. There's a plot twist at the end of this chapter ;)

Taglist (bold indicates "could not tag"): @motheroffae @undeniableadrenaline @mooniequeen @shit-i-say-shit-i-think @heart-an0n @amiets2 @slutforsmut4ever @yeosxxx​ @im-in-a-pansexual-panik @sucker4angstt @inolaphoenix @ilovechickenwings @tojisleftarm @andyfromku @ivysully @lightandshadow31 @jamie-poopoo @brittney69 @avatar-lover @ikeyniofthetayrangi @cardi-bre91

A/n: Hiii 🥰 I'm very sorry for the hiatus that I originally promised wasn't going to be a hiatus. To escape life, I dove into other fixations such as Destiny 2, the Fallout show, Dune Part 2, and Bridgerton... yeah, I did some bouncing. So far, my summer has been fantastic! Anyway, here's another chapter before I inevitably disappear again 😂

Enjoy!

If there was anything Kayla was extremely grateful for, it was that Spider didn't have a heightened sense of smell as the Na'vi did.    

She could smell both Ronal and Tonowari on her skin, and while it internally delighted her, she felt her skin prickle at the thought of Spider of all people being traumatized and learning about her very recent courting by smell alone as they share close quarters with one another. The thought mortified her more than anything, more than the idea of eventually having to tell Jake.

Thankfully, Spider returned home that day none the wiser, Ronal and Tonowari already long gone even with their scents still lingering in Kayla's nose. She felt like a teenager again, embarrassed and trying to hide it from her parents. However, she quickly stomped down that thought at the harsh reminder that she's a grown-ass woman and Spider wasn't a very judgemental kid. He was also someone who had caught onto Ronal and Tonowari's interest in Kayla early on and wouldn't be surprised if he learned the truth. 

With that in mind, Kayla emerged from her kelku the next morning wearing the new top the Metkayina clan leaders had gifted her. For a very brief moment, she felt exposed and uncomfortable, the woven beads cool against her skin, but then, she looked down at herself and felt her body relax to see that the top covered just about as much as her threadbare red shirt did. It wasn't even close to revealing as some of the tops Kayla had seen Na'vi women wear, even with the low cut. A small part in the back of Kayla's head felt delighted to realize that this top was definitely made for her.

She still wore her shorts, but the small change in attire was still noticeable as she quickly learned. Na'vi eyes silently observed her as she walked through the village, and even though she heard the Metkayina whisper as she passed them, they weren't hateful or disgusted, but more in awe. Her skin crawled because she didn't know if she preferred it or would much rather have them feel indifferent to her again. 

While their eyes all noticed her top, Kayla almost felt the need to throw her shirt back over herself at the thought that the Metkayina might also smell her new scent as well. It would explain the way their noses would twitch and their ears all perk up and turn in her direction when they haven't even noticed her presence yet. 

If Spider noticed any of it, he didn't say a word, instead, he informed Kayla that he would be deep-diving with the other reef boys that afternoon. Something crawled in her stomach at the reminder of Ao'nung and other reef boys leaving Lo'ak alone outside the reef before she sternly told Spider to make sure either Lo'ak or Tsireya was with them. Apart from the small, suspicious stare, Spider didn't question her, taking his new bow in hand and heading out to meet his friends, waving back to Kayla as he went and promising to be back before supper.

Walking along the beach, Kayla recognized the tsahik from a mile away, fingers entangled in a worn fishing net. As Kayla walked over to the other woman, she watched the way Ronal's ears lifted and moved in her direction. Ronal looked up from her work and recognized Kayla from a distance, and by the time the dreamwalker approached her, it wasn't hard to deduce how pleased she looked, eyes dancing approvingly over the avatar woman's figure, reaching a hand out to lightly adjust the top on Kayla before nodding once with confidence,

"It suits you perfectly. I was afraid it would not be able to hold up against your beauty."

Despite having a young Na'vi body, Kayla felt as though her heart was ready to give out, her feet barely catching when she initially stumbled in reaction to Ronal's compliment. Kayla's eyes quickly averted, the tip of her ears feeling warm as she quietly thanked the tsahik and changed the subject, making plans to see both her and Tonowari later. After making a brief conversation as to what each other's plans were for the day, Kayla had turned to leave but nearly jolted out of her skin when she felt a gentle tug on her tail. She couldn't help the feigned glare she threw back at Ronal, internally delighted by the rare mischief she saw in the Metkayina woman's eyes, but trying not to show it. Kayla's fake irritation only appeared to amuse Ronal forward, the tsahik tilting her head at the avatar while appreciatively staring her up and down once more, forcing the heat from Kayla's ears to travel down her neck. 

The avatar cleared her throat and then finally departed, hiding her own smile as she thought back to Ronal's well-hidden playful behavior. It was nothing like the woman who sharply tugged Kayla's tail the day they first met, further showing just how much things have changed around here.

Summoning an ilu, Kayla makes her way through the reef, reaching the atoll wall where all the various pools travel up one side like stairs, catching various sealife whenever the tide rises up and down. Dozens of Metkayina are fishing and gathering in these pools, with nets, and baskets at their feet. Kayla zeros in on one particular Na'vi and swims over after letting her ilu take off, climbing up onto the slippery wall to make her way over to her friend.

Rutxa looks up and appears smug at the sight of Kayla, blue eyes pointedly narrowed on the avatar's new top while dramatically sniffing the air, "You look... enamored. Had a good evening?"

Kayla's eyes narrow, "Don't play dumb. I bet you're just dying to weave a story about it."

Their grin remained playful, humming dramatically as if deep in thought, "Perhaps if you tell me all about it, I won't have to... fabricate any details."

Kayla lets out a humorous scoff, shaking her head, "You're horrible."

"Yes, that was what my mother called me. Don't abuse it."

The laugh that bubbles out of Kayla coincides with the screech of an approaching ikran. The sound makes Kayla pause and look up to the sky in order to discover which ikran. She only had to briefly catch the color to know the banshee was Neytiri's bonded, and a small wedge of dread made its home in Kayla's chest.

Neytiri lands her ikran gracefully, several yards away from any Metkayina as they go about the pools of the atoll wall. The Na'vi woman looks around before her eyes land on her intended target. Kayla half expected her sister-in-law to bristle at the sight of her, but she felt a small bit of genuine confusion when all she saw was a woman who was trying to appear small and guarded. If Kayla wanted to verbally taunt, she would've pointed out to Neytiri that she almost looked guilty. The two women stare at each other for some time before Neytiri takes a deep breath and starts slowly walking forward, her face pinched with dread at the idea of the long-awaited conversation she was no doubt forcing herself to partake in.

Kayla takes her own deep breath and then motions Rutxa to wait here before drifting over to meet Neytiri halfway. While it felt as though they walked forever to reach each other, both women found themselves standing right in front of one another only seconds later, neither saying a word while their eyes never fully meeting, both hesitant to say anything at first due to their ongoing impasse. 

Neytiri looks Kayla up and down before she swallows her pride, both visibly and internally as she opens her mouth, "Your clothes. They are lovely."

The Sully sister's eyes dart off to the side, her words are stiff but courteous, "Thank you."

"Did the tsahik make it?"

The mention of Ronal made Kayla's ears twitch, "What gave it away?"

"It would explain why she asked me about making a bow for Spider. And--" she takes a small whiff of the air around her mate's sister, "You smell like her. Tonowari, too."

"... I see. Don't tell Jake."

She raised a hairless brow at the other woman, "I will not need to. He will smell it."

Kayla pointedly doesn't blink, finally staring directly into Neytiri's eyes with a stern expression, "Which is why I am avoiding him at the moment."

Neytiri quietly observes Kayla, yellow eyes piercing into one another's gaze, trying to sniff out each other's thoughts. The Omatikaya woman is wracked with bafflement. It is a beautiful thing for one to finally find their mate, or, in this case, mates. It should never be something to be ashamed of, as newly mated pairs often run to their families to excitedly share the news. The fact that Kayla would rather hide and avoid Jake baffles Neytiri. She wanted to hiss and scold both of the former sawtute for what was clearly a spat between siblings, along with a dash of pride, but at this time and place, she knew Kayla wouldn't accept nor appreciate her scolding. 

Still, it bothered the Na'vi woman. Neytiri knew the two siblings had a lot of conflict between them, but to go as far as to not share such wonderful news with each other? Neytiri would give anything to be in Kayla's position. She would've given anything to be able to excitedly share life updates with her own sister once more. Sylwanin used to love hearing how Neytiri's day went before bed, even though Neytiri wasn't in turn thrilled to hear about what her sister and Tsu'tey would get up to in the woods. Then again, Neytiri was the only person her sister trusted with that information, and it shattered Neytiri's heart to think how she had taken that for granted. She will never make that same mistake again, and any secrets Sylwanin entrusted to her will die with Neytiri.

Hence why she couldn't bring herself to deny Kayla when the other woman was clearly trying to tell her not to share her secrets with Jake. Neytiri exhaled through her nose and nodded in defeat, "I will not breathe a word." 

Kayla stiffly nodded and briefly looked away, peering over her shoulder to see if Rutxa was still waiting for her. Neytiri's conflict was easily undetected, watching Kayla when the avatar wasn't looking with a pained expression in her eyes. Everything that had come between the two women lately was pounding against Neytiri's skull, begging her to say something, to make things right, to finally confess her sins out loud. It has been plaguing her ever since the boy-- ever since Spider confronted her about her distaste and mistreatment toward him. Ever since he made her stand in the eyes of her inner demons, her hidden thoughts no longer feel as hidden as they used to be and she's been struggling to accept everything he said was true. 

'Denial is a river in Egypt.' It's a phrase she's not familiar with, but it's something she remembered Grace used to say when Neytiri was a child. When the scientist explained what it meant, somehow it threaded its way into Neytiri's head, and she had yet to forget about it. No one could deny Neytiri's grief after everything she's been through, but neither could anyone deny how unfair she had been to Spider his whole life. Despite knowing how innocent he was, Neytiri refused to See him. Despite eventually accepting Jake and loving him for who he is, she couldn't do the same for Spider, and despite knowing how that hurt the child, she didn't care. Or at least-- not at the time. The fact that she didn't care for a child and his feelings was something she came to terms with long ago, but staring Kayla in the face and simply stating she wasn't Spider's mother haunted Neytiri in her sleep. 

The expression Kayla gave terrified Neytiri, guilt riddled her mind and heart. She didn't originally care how her words might hurt Spider, but the guilt she felt when her words affected Kayla felt like she took an arrow through the stomach. It only got worse when Neytiri took the time to look around and see everyone else's reactions. Those who mattered most to her, her husband and her children, all had looked at her as though they didn't recognize her. They looked at her as if she was some sort of monster. After spending time to herself, replaying her words to Spider and everyone's faces, Neytiri finally admitted to herself that they were right. She was a monster. She might not be like Quaritch, but she shouldn't go around and pretend she was better than him, especially after they both held a child at knifepoint for the sake of another.

Neytiri had looked down at her reflection in the water that same day -the day Spider called her out- and suddenly realized she no longer recognized herself. Even though there were things no one could blame her for, there were still moments in her life where Neytiri knew she could've done better. Yes, she let her children play with Spider, but she never once acknowledged him. She didn't have to claim him as hers, but she could've at least made the boy feel welcome. She could've invited him to a family dinner at least once, or given a comment or two on how to properly hold a bow when she caught him trying to teach himself. 

So many instances flash over Neytiri's eyes, instances where she could have shown kindness or care to a little orphaned boy who had done nothing but admire her family and love her children with every fiber of his little being. But she didn't. And when she thought back to the young woman she used to be... before Hometree and before her father... before Tsu'tey and Sylwanin... that young woman would have shown such kindness to Spider. By Eywa, that young woman might have even grown to love him as she had grown to love Jake.

Regret will forever be her friend as Neytiri finally comes to accept that she was wrong. Feeling a little more courageous with Kayla's eyes no longer on her, Neytiri spoke up once more, albeit a little more softly, and with the most sincere regret, "I am sorry."

Unaware of Neytiri's internal conflict, Kayla's eyes return to hers, squinting with disapproval, "It's not me you should be apologizing to."

Neytiri pressed her eyes shut for a moment, the guilt bleeding into her expression as her ears pinned back against her skull, "I am sorry to you as well. I had threatened your son. I almost killed him in front of you."

"He's n--" Kayla's words caught in her throat, then she swallowed them down and looked away again, trying to hide the small pain in her voice, "Thank you."

Neytiri nods, voice a little more sure, "I would not be any better than the monster who took my son away from me if I took yours."

Kayla wanted to be firm and agree, but her tongue swelled in her mouth, with something itching at the back of her mind that told her not to sound petty and vindictive. A question kept nagging at her, the same question Kiri once asked her. What would she have done if she was in Neytiri's place that night? It was a scenario she couldn't imagine in her head, even if she could imagine a lot. 

She hesitates, her posture relaxing and less guarded as she softly asks, "Can... can you explain it to me? So that I can try to understand?"

A visible wince flashed over Neytiri's expression, her eyes wide with distress in response to Kayla's question. Neytiri wasn't sure she could describe what she felt... not without breaking down, that is. Then again, it had been the first time anyone had asked her how she felt instead of just assuming and giving her time to herself. She didn't want that anymore. She's had plenty of time to herself, and a part of her was angry at everyone who continued to give her a wide berth. Solitude was something she no longer needed, and she wanted everyone to stop treating her like she was going to break.

Perhaps talking about it was something Neytiri needed just as much as Kayla in order to feel some sort of comfort. The idea makes her take a deep breath and slowly answer, "It is not the same as losing a parent, in my eyes. I lost my father, and even though I miss him every day, we are told that our parents will join Eywa before us and that they will be waiting for us there when we eventually do the same. For a child... it's different. A parent should always go before their child. That should always be the way of things... and that was stolen from me. You might not know this, but you should be prepared for when Ronal has her child. When we are born, the first tsaheylu is with our mother. To form that strong and emotional bond. To lose the first child I ever bonded with--"

Kayla's tail and ears lower, blinking rapidly to contain hidden pain, her imagination running wild with everything Neytiri had described. It helped that Neytiri was trying to explain it... but Kayla couldn't imagine how it must feel for a grieving mother to say all of this out loud.

Neytiri sucks in a sharp, wheezing breath, but it wavers and her lips begin to quiver. Her eyes grow wet with tears as her hand reaches up to try and gently claw at her chest, visibly and verbally shaking, "The pain for my father and even my sister do not compare... I feel as though I have a gaping wound in my chest that will not stop bleeding. It's always there, ever flowing, and I cannot take a breath without remembering it. My baby who I had kept safe inside me for so long... suddenly ripped from my arms before he could find love... or have a family... or be the olo'eyktan he was always meant to be... I had always wanted to see him as a father, and now I will never have that."

Saying it out loud felt as though she was living Neteyam's death all over again. Fresh tears spilled down Neytiri's beautiful face, carving a familiar path down her cheeks as a sob interrupted her explanation. Her chest squeezed painfully, and her sobs only got worse as Kayla suddenly reached out and pulled her into a tight embrace, purposely hiding Neytiri's face as the grieving mother continued to cry her heart out, wishing she could just be numb. Neytiri didn't miss the way Kayla buried her own wet face to hide from the world, nuzzled into Neytiri's shoulder. The female Na'vi continued to sob, and even though the grief was still too fresh, it helped to have finally put it all into words. It helped to know that someone was trying to understand her when she felt as though everyone else could only pity her. 

"I'm sorry..." Kayla whispered as Neytiri's cries began to subside, "I could never imagine what that feels like."

Neytiri didn't miss how her shoulder felt wet where Kayla's face lay, and something inside the Na'vi woman snapped into place. She didn't want Kayla to imagine. She didn't even want Kayla to understand because that would mean having her sister-in-law go through the same agony she went through. Neytiri didn't want anyone to go through the loss of a child, let alone her husband's dear sister. The thought of having Kayla go through pain similar to hers nearly brought Neytiri to anger. Determined and dry of her tears, Neytiri pulled away, lifting her hands to rest gently on Kayla's shoulders, fixing her with a sharp eye.

"I do not want you to ever experience this pain. I do not want you to end up like me, ma tsmuke."

Kayla shook her head, "There's nothing that says it's wrong to end up like you. You're a good woman and a good mother. You're fiercely protective of your children. Any mother would thrive if they were even remotely like you," watching doubt and pain creep back up Neytiri's face drives Kayla to quickly add, "And I was wrong if I ever suggested otherwise. I never blamed you for protecting your children, Neytiri."

"I know," the Na'vi woman whispers, eyes briefly lowering to the ground in shame, "But I should have never belittled you for protecting yours."

The two women stand in silence once more, now filled with understanding as two mothers protecting their young. With her newfound determination, Neytiri raises her head high, straightens her posture, and stiffly nods, "If you'll allow me, I will go apologize to the boy."

Kayla is silent for the moment, carefully watching Neytiri before slowly replying, "... I better not hear that you hurt him again."

"You won't." 

And with that, both women nod and part ways. Neytiri moves back in the direction of her ikran while Kayla stands still and watches her leave. Wiping the remaining tear tracks on her face as she walked, a thought crossed Neytiri's mind, making her pause in her tracks. A brief memory of Sylwanin flashes through her mind, happy and glowing as she tells Neytiri that Tsu'tey had begun courting her. It was a small pain in her heart at the memory, a small pinprick of a needle, faint but still causing her heart to bleed at the thought of her sister. Swiftly turning back around, Neytiri briefly sees Sylwanin in the flesh, standing there with a beaming smile before the facade fades, and reverts back to Makayla, whose head was tilted while quizzically watching Neytiri. 

Neytiri's breath stuttered for a moment before the words began to tumble from her mouth, "For what it is worth, ma tsmuke, I am happy for you. If Ronal or Tonowari or either of them hurt you, I will kill them for you."

The words briefly stun Kayla, eyes wide and jaw open with shock, before the spell breaks and she finds herself laughing. The needle in Neytiri's heart fades, along with the pain of her sister's memory. Neytiri found herself smiling as well, proud that she pulled such a reaction from her new sister.

~~~~~~~~~

As promised, Spider came home before dinner, and Kayla looked up from cleaning her AR with a smile, "Hey, kiddo."

"Do you have to do that a lot?" Spider tilts his head down at the weapon with curiosity, then briefly looks back at his charge, "Will it not work otherwise?"

Kayla rolls her lips, unsure of how to explain to a child who prefers the life of a Na'vi compared to humans. She shakes her head, "It could jam, for one. I have to clean it for the same reason you have to eat. It needs to function."

Spider nods and says nothing else, which sounds off a dozen other bells in Kayla's head, quick to understand that his questions and attempt at small talk usually meant something else was going on and he was deflecting. She knows that behavior all too well. She sets the weapon aside and gives all her attention to the teen, knowingly smirking at him, "What's up?"

His eyes immediately dart away, arms folding in around him as if to protect what little there was left to hide. He looked embarrassed, ashamed he had been caught as he mumbled under his breath, "Neytiri apologized."

Her expression melts into something solemn and sincere, nodding once, "I know."

"Did you make her?" He asked with suspicion in his gaze.

"No, but she asked me if she could."

"How come?"

Kayla shrugged, feigning innocence as she tried to play nonchalantly, "I'm guessing she was under the impression I didn't want her anywhere near you."

He stared at her for a while, unconvinced, "Right."

Then he moved on to the next topic, "'You gonna break your link tonight?"

Kayla groaned quietly, playfully rolling her eyes up at the ceiling of the marui, "Yeah. Norm radioed earlier to pester me, and I figured I'd see how everyone was doing. 'You need me to tell him anything?"

"My spares' got plenty of battery. I'll be good for a while. Tell everyone I said hi."

"You got it."

~~~~~~~~~

She wakes in the link bay with a queasy stomach and a splitting headache.

It wasn't nearly as bad as the last time she broke her link, but the moment the blinding lights of the biolab flashed in Kayla's face as the lid of the gurney was lifted, she felt her stomach turn and she had to bite the inside of her cheek. 

Sitting up with a stifled groan, Kayla holds her head in her hand, trying to stop the bright room from spinning. Norm, dutifully standing beside her with his arms crossed, decided not to beat around the bush, even in her weakened state, 

"You can't keep doing this, ya know. Staying back there for long periods of time is going to kill your body here, one day at a time. It's safe to say you've reached the limit of human-avatar links."

"Maybe that's a good thing, Norm," Kayla muttered, able to roll her shoulders back and sit up straight without feeling dizzy, "With data like that, the RDA won't be able to get the go-ahead with building avatars for civilians. This can keep them at bay for a while."

"But it's not a good thing for you, Kayla."

"I know. I just..." she tried waving it off, avoiding Norm's narrowed gaze like a child being scolded, "I just need a little more time."

Norm scoffed, unimpressed, "You're stubborn. Just like your brother."

When that doesn't pull a reaction out of her, Spellman decides to break more bad news, "There's more. Scouts have reported seeing a rogue ikran dressed in military gear flying through the mountains, and it's pretty close to our base. They've confirmed the rider to be Colonel Miles Quaritch."

Clouded eyes flick briefly to Norm, widened with shock before Kayla looks away again, exhaling her opinion, "Fuck."

"I thought maybe you could tell Jake for me when you get back."

Kayla is silent for a few moments before she replies, "No. No, let's not tell him."

"What?" Norm rustled.

"If we tell Jake, he'll just wanna come back and track Quaritch down. Maybe that's what Quaritch wants. Right now, Jake needs to be with his family instead of looking for revenge."

Kayla's eyes return to her friend's, wide and pleading, "Please, Norm. Please don't tell him."

They have a silent stand-off, the occasional sound of machinery breaking said silence. Eventually, Norm's posture sinks in defeat, making him look smaller and older than he actually is, "... Fine."

"Swear it."

"I swear it... unless he asks me."

Kayla scoffed, rolling her eyes, "Fine."

"... When you say you need more time, I meant when I said you're just like your brother."

She silently watched him with confusion but didn't verbally ask what he meant, waiting for him to elaborate. Norm looks off to a far wall, recounting very distant memories he hadn't thought of in years, "He was also running out of time, and he was getting desperate. He said he needed more time; time to see Neytiri again."

When Norm looked back at Kayla, he noticed she was purposely keeping her own gaze glued to the floor, her long matted hair covering most of her face, mumbling to a point where he struggled to hear her, "It's not like that this time."

"You're lying." Norm immediately retorts, taking a gamble on his theory when Kayla doesn't immediately try to defend herself. They both knew she was lying only to herself, and Norm didn't hesitate to point it out, "Something's changed."

Seeing no point in lying or keeping it secret, Kayla sighs, "Tonowari and Ronal have officially asked to court me."

Norm's eyes widen, "And...?"

"I agreed but asked to wait on the rest of it until I'm officially one of the People."

"Smart..." He couldn't help it. He needed to lighten the mood and feel a little smug. Norm deserved that much as a boastful smile spread across his face, "Also 'I told you so.'"

Kayla scowls, her eyes finally looking up at him to express how stolid she felt, "Dick."

He snorts, unaffected, finally moving to sit down next to her on the gurney, "So... do they know about... you know... the fact you can't have kids?"

Her posture visibly stiffened, "It didn't come up, no."

"That's probably something you need to discuss with them, Kayla, and soon."

"I know."

His hand reaches out to lightly tap her knee, "I am not saying that it'll be a deal-breaker for them. I don't think they'll care, to be honest. But you don't keep secrets from the people you love."

"Hey," she nudged him back, trying to force a teasing smile on her face, "Why do you think I'm telling you all this?"

"How sweet," Norm scoffs goodnaturedly, "But that's just you trying to deflect."

~~~~~~~~~

It was strange being able to sleep in the shack again, and even more strange to be the only occupant. Kayla looked around the tiny man-made space, eyes flicking to her bunk, the desk, the small kitchenette, and then the vacant wheelchair she never had the heart to throw out when she first arrived at High Camp. It now lay folded up and leaning against the corner wall, former white letters that spelled 'Sully' now unrecognizable. A fond smile graced her lips when she thought back to the three weeks she and Spider stayed here and the teenager struggled to figure out how to balance on the accessible chair as it rocked on its back wheels. The attempt ended with him falling and rolling backward and leaving Kayla in a fit of uncontrollable laughter that he eventually joined.

The thought of her boy made her chest squeeze uncomfortably for a moment, the feeling of loneliness suddenly very apparent in this small shack. How strange that she was sitting in a place she had once tried to call home, but now she felt homesick for an island that was oceans away, or in her case, one neural link away. Realistically, she could go lay down in a link bay and wake up in her marui, awaken to Spider's nivi swinging slowly just off to the side of hers as he sleeps. Kayla shook her head and smiled to herself, amused at the idea of walking to the link bay only to be intercepted by either Norm or Max, both men who had adamantly told her not to link back until it was early morning in Awa'atlu so both her human and avatar form could receive separate reprieve. 

As much as she would like to entertain the idea of rest, the lingering silence in her shack made it feel as though the walls were closing in around her. Kayla knew she wouldn't be able to sleep if she were alone, so she kept herself busy instead, starting with her overgrown hair.

Looking into the mirror that night, a small sense of normalcy returned when she had managed to cut her hair to the same short length she had when she first arrived on Pandora. While her reflection didn't initially scare her anymore without any matted long hair or sunken eyes, Kayla still had a hard time recognizing the woman in the mirror without blue skin or a piercing yellow gaze. It felt wrong and her skin prickled and itched with this revelation. A twisted part inside of her wanted to try and scratch her face off until she recognized it, but she refrained from doing so, knowing how delusional it sounded. It felt as though she was living in someone else's body and she needed to return to hers despite the logical voice in her head reminding her that she was born in this body, as a human, not a Na'vi, and she was foolish to believe otherwise.

The unrealistic voice in her head argued that there was nothing wrong with being a little foolish.

~~~~~~~~~

Waking in her avatar gave Kayla a wave of relief, sitting up in her hammock and stretching as if she had never left. The worries of the night before are immediately forgotten as she and Spider venture out of the home to search for friends and family.

The three reef children Spider has been associating himself with were the first of the day to greet them, and it was clear that the silent news of the Metkayina's clan leaders' courtship was not lost to their children. Kayla was surprised when Tsireya ran up and hugged the older woman's waist, the girl giddy and unable to contain her bright smile. Spider tilts his head curiously at the interaction but otherwise says nothing. 

Kayla took a peek at the girl's brother and saw a slightly different story. Ao'nung was glaring, but not at Kayla or Spider. Ao'nung was scowling at Rotxo, the latter of whom looked gobsmacked while staring up at Kayla, unable to hide his shock even as he turned to his best friend to see his reaction. Ao'nung only scoffed and shoved Rotxo's surprised face away with one hand, mumbling to Spider that they should get a move on.

"Where are we going?" Spider asked curiously. 

"Father wanted to show you how to weave our fishing baskets."

His play on words wasn't lost to the group, certainly not to Kayla and Spider. The adult avatar managed to hold back the wince at the thought of Spider silently noting how Ao'nung didn't say 'my father', but did her best to pretend she didn't even notice. Instead, Kayla decided to follow Ao'nung and Spider to the chieftain's marui, while Tsireya and Rotxo had split up to do some chores, promising to catch up with the other reef and Sully kids later. 

Tonowari greeted them as they entered, both he and Kayla sharing a secret smile as she crouched down beside him. Having many obligations around the village yesterday, the olo'eyktan had only been able to see Kayla from a distance and had yet to get a better look at how she appeared in her new top apart from what Ronal had described to him. Kayla could tell how much he enjoyed seeing her wearing his courting gift by the way his large hand grazed over her skin, encompassing her back whenever both Ao'nung and Spider were occupied with the task he had given them.

The two teenagers were busy weaving large pieces of what would eventually become a fishing basket between them, taking up a lot of floor space with the amount of dry grass, seaweed, and pliant wood being used to fashion and form such a large item. Tonowari was mostly instructing Spider on how to do it since Ao'nung was already skilled in basket weaving, but the chief's son was also impatient and this served as a way to tame such impulse. The olo'eyktan works effortlessly alongside them, his words gentle yet stern,

"Work together, like brothers. You are building a house. You're building your village. You're building a family."

Kayla restrains her smile, despite how warm her chest felt while watching the three of them work together in weaving. She allowed herself to play at the idea of this image being hers one day without trying to get her hopes up. As she watches Tonowari instruct Ao'nung and Spider to take turns weaving their basket pieces together, she gives into the desire to call them 'my boys'... but only in her head.

~~~~~~~~~

Flashing lights, spinning faster and faster while his eyes are forced wide open to watch, feeling as though something sharp was penetrating his skull, embedding itself into his memories...

His screams go unheard this time, and no one comes to stop the machine, not even Quaritch, as the blood drips from his nose, bare skin cold against metal. Spider feels as though his head is going to explode--

Sitting up in his nivi, Spider finds himself gasping for air while his eyes try to get accustomed to darkness... no flashing lights in sight. His hammock gently swings with him as he moves, his mind taking an embarrassingly long time to remember where he was. Spider takes a bunch of large, greedy gulps of air, his breathing mask hissing in tandem, while he looks around the marui to remember he isn't alone. 

Kayla was sitting up in her hammock and carefully watching him. Spider's mind briefly felt shame for being responsible for waking her, but he was too busy breathing to form an apology. It's not like she would accept it anyway. The two of them have already spent countless nights waking up due to Spider's nightmares, and Kayla has been adamant in assuring him that he wasn't at fault for any of it. Once she knows Spider is aware of her presence, Kayla silently stands up and moves over to the kid, standing over his nivi as he's sitting up, starting to relax.

When trying to talk, his throat felt raw and his voice only added to it, "... Hey."

"Hey," Kayla bravely reaches out to cup the back of his head, her hand a gentle, warm weight that feels a lot better than a cold, metal slab, "Was it the scanner again?"

He nods, but the moment Kayla goes to step away, something inside him panics. It felt stupid and childish, but Spider couldn't stop the impulse that made his arms move around Kayla's torso and pull her into a tight hug, pressing his mask up against her ribs as his body started to uncontrollably shake.

Kayla froze, arms raised in the air with hesitancy, blinking multiple times to ensure she was still wide awake and not just imagining this. The teenager only burrows further into her as if she had just found him lost in a shopping mall. For several seconds, she didn't even dare to breathe so as not to spook him before she eventually began to relax and gently settle her large arms around his shoulders, her voice softer than before,

"Alright... it's alright, Spider. You're safe now. What do you need?"

"Just," Spider huffed, feeling incredibly stupid yet distressed at the same time. He knows he shouldn't be acting so small and meek, but the idea of going back to sleep terrified him, "Talk. About anything."

The marui is filled with silence as Kayla wracks her brain to come up with things to say, and then decides that now might as well be as good of a time as any, especially if it meant helping distract Spider from his nightmares, "... Ronal and Tonowari have asked me to be their mate."

Initially, he's quiet while digesting the news, but he's honestly not surprised. He thinks back to the way both clan leaders and even their children had been treating him differently today and the day before. It explains the certain looks Spider has seen other Metkayina give Kayla and her new attire... and it would possibly explain Neytiri's sudden apology to him.

Instead of pointing all of these signs out to his guardian, Spider just snorts in his mask and keeps his arms around her waist, "I told you so."

"Shut up," Kayla huffed under her breath, but even he could tell there was no heat behind it, especially since her arms only tightened around him, "I'm not taking an 'I told you so' remark from a sixteen-year-old, especially since I already got that from Norm. I'm dense, okay?"

Spider laughed and let the silence linger for a minute before reopening his mouth, "... So? Did you accept?"

"Not entirely. I told them I wanted to wait until after my Iknimaya is complete."

"Makes sense. That's usually the way it goes. Courting sometimes lasts years for the Na'vi, so it's not entirely something they wouldn't be used to. You did the right thing."

Kayla's tail leisurely sways behind her, the tone in her voice sounding hopeful, "You think so?"

He closes his eyes for a moment, allowing himself to feel like a child for once, to be held and comforted before he answers quietly, "Yeah. I do." 

~~~~~~~~~

While it was an honest answer, there were slightly different intentions behind it. Spider was impressed by the way Kayla handled her courtship, and any respectable Na'vi would approve of her mature decision to wait. However, Spider now felt as though he was racing against the clock, and at least this way, he still had some time to prove himself useful.

Now that he was proven right that Ronal and Tonowari did, in fact, wish to mate with Kayla, Spider felt the need to work harder and become a more willing and helpful individual. He did what he could without the ability to connect with a tswin and tried to always give a helping hand whenever and wherever. Offering help wasn't hard, especially if he offered it to Tsireya since she always had something for him to do, but some Na'vi still have a hard time accepting Spider's help for... obvious reasons.

But even if the Metkayina didn't want his help, the human teen wasn't just going to lie down in defeat. He found many ways of helping around the village, either by his friends' side or himself, now that everyone wasn't as worried about leaving him alone. Other than to help with chores, Spider barely spent time with his friends outside of work, too busy trying to keep himself relevant. He wanted-- no, needed to pull his weight, too ashamed of the idea of being useless to the point he would get left behind again. As silly as he felt for still having such fears... it was still warranted. He wanted to give the Metkayina a chance to trust him and consider him a viable part of this village so they wouldn't make him leave. As much as he missed the Forest, he couldn't bear the thought of going back alone. So if his friends and his... guardian were staying here, then so was he, and he was determined to prove that he deserved to stay here.

These thoughts plagued him almost every waking moment and thus distracted him from the world around him. While Spider was busy gutting and cleaning some fish Lo'ak had caught, he was approached by the very clan leaders he sought to impress, but hadn't noticed their presence until they spoke,

"Hello, Spider."

Spider's posture straightens instinctively in response to Tonowari's strong voice. Looking to his right, the teenager glanced up and met eyes with the olo'eyktan, standing tall beside his mate and greeting the boy with a pleasant smile. Spider stood up and appropriately greeted the clan leaders with a gesture of his hand and a small, almost sheepish smile, "Hello."

"Is your bow of any use?"

It was difficult to see behind the mask, but Tonowari could've sworn Spider's eyes brightened at the mention of his bow, "It's solid and nicely made. Thanks again."

"Of course."

Spider briefly glanced at the silent Ronal, and he felt as though he imagined  the smile on the tsahik's face and quickly looked away to pretend he didn't see it, "Uh... is there anything I can do for you two?"

While Ronal may or may not have been smiling, Spider dared to describe Ronal's tone as sounding almost light when she spoke, "There might be."

Tonowari chuckled at her being vague and decided to specify for the boy who looked between the two of them with such confusion, "We came to ask for your blessing."

The boy tilts his head, "My... blessing?"

"To court your guardian, Makayla te Suli."

Spider appeared uneasy by their motive, crossing his arms over his chest while the confusion was still evident, "Why are you asking me? Shouldn't you be asking Jake?"

Ronal snorts lightheartedly, "Makayla has been vocal about who we should and shouldn't be asking for permission. It's not her brother's approval she wants, it's yours."

He stood there, motionless, trying to figure out the ever-growing puzzle in his head that was made in Kayla's image. He didn't know why she would tell both of her future mates to seek him out over Jake, someone who was related to her by blood, despite their differences. While Spider understood that Makayla felt responsible for him, that didn't mean he was suddenly entitled to any life-changing decisions she had to make. It's not like her decision to join Ronal and Tonowari's family would affect Spider... much.

The idea of being left in an empty marui came to mind, but he quickly stomped the image down, glancing off toward the ocean as he finally gave the two clan leaders his answer, "Then... yeah, I guess it's fine."

~~~~~~~~~

They must have told Kayla his answer, because once she returned home, Spider was met with a cautious look in her eyes,

"And you're really okay with this?" She asked without even greeting him.

Knowing what she was talking about without even asking, Spider only looked at her with the same confusion he had given Ronal and Tonowari, "Yeah?"

"Kid, I'm not doing anything that's going to make you uncomfortable."

Guilt ate away at his stomach, his sole purpose of trying to remain useful to the Metkayina still at the forefront of his mind. He didn't want Kayla to hold herself back for the sake of his comfort. That would only make him a burden and that was the last thing he wanted. He needed to prove that he didn't need her should the day come when she moved into the chieftain's marui and he was left behind.

Trying to keep his expression neutral, Spider tried to explain this to her without having to go into detail about his insecurities, "They're going to be your family someday, not mine."

Realization dawns on Kayla as her eyes widen, "Is that what you want?" When he doesn't answer, keeping his head lowered, Kayla tries a different approach when she feels as though she was onto something, "'Cause personally, I'd rather have you with me on this. I go where you go, kiddo and anyone who gets with me will have to deal with that."

Stunned, he looked up at her with disbelief, unable to help how accusatory his voice sounded, "Why? Why do you care so much?"

There it is. A question that should've been asked a long time ago, but Spider had always been afraid to ask, so confident that he wouldn't like the answer. As for Kayla, she had always been afraid of the day he'd finally ask her because she wasn't sure if she would be able to say the right thing or even give an honest answer. Half the time, she knew she was winging it when it came to taking care of Spider, but... isn't that what most people have been telling her parenting is all about? As much as she wished to continue being stubborn about it or outright refuse it, Kayla had to admit to herself that even if she would never be Spider's mother, she was the closest thing he had to a parental figure. And... she knew, deep down, that's what she wanted but she had been putting her own wants aside if it meant that's not what Spider wanted.

But clearly, he wanted to make sense as to why she wanted him to be comfortable with their new clan leaders, along with everything that came with them, so finally, Kayla took a deep breath and put it all out on the table, "Because you're a kid, Spider, and you deserve a family. I'm asking you if I can officially be your family. And who knows, maybe one day Ronal, Tonowari, and their kids could be your family."

Spider sucked in a sharp breath of air without realizing it, the soft hiss of his mask filling the marui. His nerves made him want to instinctually laugh it off like she was joking, but he didn't picture Kayla to be the kind of person who joked about such things, especially when he was involved. Replaying her words in his head, he almost believed he imagined it; like it was muffled in the back of his mind because that's what he wanted to hear her say... and yet the words had matched up with her mouth as she spoke... had he imagined it?

There was a small, nasty voice in the back of his head telling him that of course, he imagined it because why in her right mind would Kayla want to be his family? He's nothing but trouble and Kayla was being courted by the leaders of the Metkayina, two respected individuals whose image would surely be ruined by Spider's very presence. 

Another small, more kind voice in his head told Spider that Kayla was right and that he deserved to have a family. Sure, it might not be the family he was born into or the family he had wanted practically his whole life, but it could be his, the family he actually needed. He thought of Ao'nung and Tsireya, two Na'vi who had become such unlikely friends... and yet they could be more? Ronal and Tonowari, who have been decent to him, could potentially be more?

Of course, there's also Kayla, the female avatar who looked unsure as she stood before Spider, staring down at him with fear as if she had said the wrong thing. He couldn't possibly hope that this was her intention, and so he swallowed the dryness in his throat before hesitantly replying,

"So... you're not asking if I'm comfortable about this for... other reasons?"

She frowned, "What other reasons?"

"I don't know..." he shrugged and found himself looking away, sheepish to admit it, "I thought you were asking me all this to make sure I would be okay with getting left alone again when you inevitably go to be with them."

He didn't see the way Kayla's eyes briefly widen in horror before she cursed under her breath, crouching down beside him while bravely placing a hand on his shoulder to gain his attention, "Shit, Spider-- I'm sorry. I can see why that looked bad. No, I'm not leaving you alone just because I intend on seeing someone. I take my responsibilities very seriously, thank you very much."

Ah, yes. Responsibilty. That's who he was to Kayla. It was a good reminder for Spider not to get his hopes up, a reminder that Kayla was a parental figure, but she could never be more than that. He didn't dare glance over at the bookshelf where his mother's picture was displayed, not wanting Kayla to misinterpret anything. 

"... Okay."

Kayla's eyebrows furrow, trying not to appear hopeful, "Okay?"

He nods, "Okay."

Kayla smiled then, more confidently and unaware of Spider's hidden thoughts, but he smiled back, regardless. She squeezed his shoulder once more before pulling away, humming with a small, playful tone in her voice as she mentioned, "You know, eventually we'll have to move in with them, right? Are you comfortable with that? You know that families usually pile together at night."

Spider's face slowly begins to contort with uncertainty, "... You and I aren't used to that."

"Nope. We're not."

Nervously, he smiles, "Shit. Is that a dealbreaker?"

The laughter Kayla let out was cheerful and full of life. It was also contagious as Spider found himself laughing as well, and despite his doubt, there was a small bit of weight that had to been lifted from his shoulders. Despite being unsure of what the future holds for him... at the very least, there was going to be someone to keep him safe. Whether or not Kayla could be his family she mentioned, there was also the uncertainty of whether or not the clan leaders and their children would think the same. Either way, his acceptance clearly made Kayla happy, and he didn't want to ruin that with his insecurities. 

~~~~~~~~~

If there's one thing Jake can confidently say about his sister, it's that if she wants him to know something, she'll tell him. 

It was obvious to everyone that Kayla was not afraid to tell Jake whatever she was thinking. She's not afraid to speak her mind to him, no matter how brutal, and while there are times that Jake secretly appreciates it, lately it's been disheartening due to recent... obvious incidents.

So, when Kayla avoided him for two days, Toruk Makto enjoyed the peace and quiet, but Neytiri gave him a knowing expression that told him he wasn't being very true to himself in those moments. He eventually had to admit to himself that the silence was getting to him and he would've preferred his little sister yelling at him than straight up avoiding his presence. He eventually gave in and sought her out on the third day. 

He finds his sister in her marui with Spider that morning, rolling up their separate nivi and getting prepared for the day ahead. Jake watches them for a moment, still unsure of how to address them if neither was going to admit they were mother and son, before announcing his presence. Kayla, once laid back and content, ready to face the day, now looked tense and wary at the sound of her brother's voice. Jake tried not to let it bother him, keeping his expression neutral as he offered to assist Kayla with any chores she had.

She agreed, with reluctance, and moved to meet him in the doorway. Jake did his best to keep his face impassive, but he struggled when Kayla walked close enough to the point he could catch a whiff of her scent. It was by no means her own, or the one Jake had affiliated as his sister whenever she was near. It smelled familiar, but it wasn't Kayla's and while it was faint, it was definitely new. It bothered him for a moment as both he and Kayla walked out of the marui together,his brain trying to conjure where he had smelled that particular scent before. While Jake wanted to mention it, he wisely doesn't say a word for many reasons. The whole scent debacle was a Na'vi thing and he could understand if Kayla wasn't entirely comfortable about the concept, and she may not understand it fully herself. 

And like before, he knows that if there's something Kayla wants him to know, she'll tell him.

Kayla had asked Jake to help her with a canoe she's been wanting to make for a while now, and so together they conjured up the necessary supplies and started hauling it all back to her pod. She trailed behind Jake, silent for the most part, and the tension in the air was palpable, almost worse than the silent treatment she had been giving her brother for a few days. Jake knew something was right on the tip of her tongue, practically hearing the gears in her head without even needing to see her face as he walked in front of her. It was the same, intense silence he remembered experiencing when she was younger, right before she came out to her brothers. Tommy, ever the nurturing sibling, was worried for Kayla and had gently told her that if there was something she'd like to get off her chest, he and Jake would always hear her out, and no matter what, they would always be there for her.

Jake felt his chest squeeze painfully at the memory, so he was glad to distract himself from it when Kayla's voice suddenly spoke up from behind him,

"Jake."

He continued to walk towards her home as it drew near, ear tilted back in her direction, over his shoulder, "Hm?"

"There's something I got to tell you--" 

She paused, and before Jake could ask her to elaborate, a soft thud from behind him gently rattled the woven pathway beneath his feet, followed by the sound of a large splash. Jake frowned and turned back around, only for his sister to no longer be standing there. In her place, was the basket of supplies she had been carrying, the contents spilled across the walkway and even rolling into the water below, the soft plopping sound of small items crashing into the water filling the air while Kayla was nowhere to be seen.

Something heavy falls in Jake's gut, as his ears point up and dance around in alertness. He reacts fast by quickly setting down his items and sprinting to the edge of the path, looking down into the water.

"Kayla!"

He sees a small shadow, quickly growing smaller as it sinks further into the water. It was the only thing that crossed his mind before diving into the sea.

The loud splash followed by Jake's distressed voice calling out to Makayla grabbed Spider's attention and steps out of the kelku, just in time to see the revered Toruk Makto diving straight into the water, abandoning baskets full of spilled supplies all along the pathway in his panicked rush. Spider's heart plummets in the five seconds Jake was underwater, and when the older man had yet to break the surface, Spider found himself running down the woven path toward the spot Jake had jumped from, even if he didn't believe he could be much help to a large, full-sized Na'vi, fearing the worst.

By the time Spider reached the deserted supplies scattered across the walkway, Jake had finally resurfaced, gasping for air while water spilled into his eyes and ears. The former marine struggled to paddle with just one arm back toward the path walk while trying to keep a fully grown female avatar afloat, her closed eyes doing nothing to help the panic begin to eat away at her brother's chest.

Despite being small, Spider scrambled to help Jake lift Kayla's body out of the water, hooking his arms underneath hers and lifting with all his might with a soft grunt. Jake helped by lifting Kayla's legs out of the water, and once she was lying across the pathway on her back, Jake lifted himself out of the water before frantically crawling over to her, gently shoving Spider out of Kayla's space so he could inspect her for injuries.

Nothing visible appeared to be wrong with her, but Kayla's eyes remained closed and when Jake initially dragged her out of the water, he couldn't help but notice how lifeless her body moved. Or, in a sense, didn't move.

"Hey!" Jake practically yelled in her face, his hand beginning to gently pat her cheek, only for the motion to grow into harsher slaps the longer she refused to open her eyes.

The panic that was beginning to rise up to Jake's throat only added to the stern, angry tone in his voice as he yelled at his sister's face, "Heyheyhey, wake up. Kayla!"

"Kayla?" Spider's voice called out, less afraid of sounding panicked while fear was evident behind his mask when directing his attention to Jake, "What's wrong with her?"

"I don't know..." Jake initially replied before pausing his train of thought, a sinking feeling of familiarity washing over him when he started to analyze Kayla's symptoms and recognize the signs. It had been over a decade... but he'd seen this happen before, and the thought scared him.

"Spider, do you have your flashlight?"

Without asking for an explanation, Spider hands him the flashlight he kept in a small pouch of necessities he had tied around his loincloth.

"There we go..." Jake mutters under his breath almost as if trying to soothe and reassure himself, turning on the flashlight before leaning over Kayla's face. He takes his free hand and forces one of her eyelids to peel back, shining the bright light directly into her eye before moving on to the other one. 

Her pupils don't move or even dilate, confirming Jake's growing fear, "Shit. She's not in there."

"What?" Spider croaked, suddenly hating the way his eyes felt warm.

"She's not in there," Jake automatically explained, "Something or someone interrupted her link." 

Jake tries catching his breath, willing himself to regain a bit of self-control. He didn't want to assume the worst, but at the very least, Kayla wasn't dead, and her avatar didn't appear to be injured. For all he knew, Kayla had simply woken up hundreds of miles away, among their human allies and the Omatikaya. He'll just have to make a call back to High Camp and they can sort out this small situation. Nothing major... 

He kept telling himself that as he bent down and lifted Kayla up into his arms, supporting her back and the crook of her legs while trying to maneuver around Spider, "Hang on-- watch out. Let's get her back to my place." 

Spider dutifully follows, bounding down the woven path just to be able to catch up to Jake's long strides, the boy's eyes never leaving Kayla's avatar, "What do we do?"

"Let me try and contact Norm."

The walk back to the Sully marui felt like forever, with Jake trying to stamp down his growing anxiety the longer it took to get back. When they finally arrived, Jake and Spider brought Kayla inside only to find themselves alone, with no one else home. Jake gently lays Kayla down and immediately beelines for his long-range radio, gripping the device harshly as he speaks into it,

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over."

Jake releases the button and waits, the pod filled with static and silence. Spider kneels down beside Kayla's head, staring at Jake's radio with a rising, fluttering feeling in his chest that makes chills rise across his skin. As he and Jake continued to sit in silence, the lack of response on Norm's end was palpable.

Jake could hear his own heart racing in his ears as he brought the radio to his mouth once more, "Norm, it's Jake. Are you there? Norm?"

Silence.

"Norm? Norm?"

~~~~~~~~~

He wasn't sure how many times he had tried calling High Camp as minutes turned into hours. Whether it was six or seven attempts, Toruk Makto had begun to inspect the radio to ensure it was even working, not wanting to entertain the thought that something might be wrong on the other end of the communication. Each time he spoke into the radio and then stopped to wait for a response, he couldn't help the glances he'd send over to Spider. Each time, as the silence lingered between each call, the teenager's face only fell further and it made Jake's chest feel like lead. By the time the suns were at the highest peak in the sky, the village stirred with whispers about Makayla te Suli's collapse. As people gradually learned what had happened, Jake found his home being bombarded with not only his wife and children as they raced back to the pod but other Na'vi as well, much to his surprise. 

Some of his children's friends were also present. Ao'nung and Tsireya were with Lo'ak when they heard about what happened to Kayla and immediately came running back to the marui with him, concern etched on their young faces. Jake watched with confusion as the reef siblings moved like a well-oiled machine. Ao'nung, as if on instinct, knelt down beside Spider, inspecting Kayla's avatar while Tsireya sternly let Lo'ak know that she was going to fetch her parents.

Jake heard this but didn't register the words until the young girl was already heading out the door, and by then it was already too late to stop her. Lo'ak quickly distracted his father from his racing thoughts when he asked what had happened to his aunt. By the time Jake recounted the events, the rest of the Sullys were speeding into the marui and Tsireya had returned with the clan leaders. 

Ronal was like a tidal wave as she bounded into the Sullys' home, a fearsome expression in her eyes that would immediately make any normal man flinch had Jake not been exposed to Grace Augustine's own ferocity, 

"And why have you brought her back here instead of to me?"

"Because she's not injured and this has nothing to do with spirituality," Jake found himself saying robotically, instinctively falling into the role of Toruk Makto to help him not acknowledge the hidden anxiety deep in his gut, "Makayla's human form must have woken up and that's why she collapsed here. She's... she's no longer possessing this body."

Tonowari hovers over his mate like a protective shadow as she bends down over Kayla's avatar, the olo'eyktan's eyes hardened with determination to find a solution as he addresses Jake, "Is that normal?"

Jake's ears pin back, eyes unfocused for a moment, "No, it's not. This only happens if someone is forced out of their Na'vi body. I've seen it before."

Ronal grabs Kayla's chin to tilt the avatar's head to look up at her, "Makayla? Makayla, can you hear me?"

The formality had puzzled Jake for a moment, staring oddly at the tsahik as she continued to carefully inspect his sister's avatar. Peering over at his wife, he noticed Neytiri looking back at him, waiting patiently with her tail gently swaying behind her, the way she normally looked when she expected him to figure something out. Whatever it was, it would have to wait as Jake shook his head and turned back toward the radio, making contact his first priority. 

"Dirty Falcon, Dirty Falcon, do you read me? This is Devil Dog, over." Jake pressed into the radio before letting go of the button, not as enthusiastic for a reply.

"What is happening?" Tonowari questioned.

"I've been trying to reach our human allies with the Omatikaya all afternoon, but so far no one's responding."

"And I take it that is not normal either?"

A shadow falls over Jake's eyes as he glares into the piece of technology in front of him, "No."

"J-- Jake! We have a situation."

A familiar voice suddenly buzzes through the device before being abruptly cut off. The whole room stills as if time had stopped. Jake hadn't noticed he was holding his breath as he stared down at the radio until his lungs burned and his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. With a start, Jake greedily sucks in air as he quickly moves to grab the radio,

"Norm, what's going on?" He harshly demands, "What happened?"

"Lab compromised-- can't--"

The connection cuts off again but Jake doesn't give up, desperate for an answer, "Norm! Come on... Norm, do you copy? Where's Kayla?" 

"She... She's gone!"

The air completely sucks out of his lungs, his brain scrambling for a reasonable explanation. He didn't have to look around to know that everyone else would be panicked and concerned as well. Ronal had stood up straight once more, standing near Kayla's feet as her expression reared back with affliction, her eyes darting to Tonowari as they both shared a look of genuine fright. Spider noticed their exchange out of the corner of his eye before looking back down at the body in front of him, his chest feeling tight as the news sunk in, his small hand leaning near Kayla's as if afraid that touching her hand would somehow evaporate her avatar's form. The lightest brush of skin against his elbow let him know that Ao'nung was still right beside him.

Jake could feel the rushing of his heartbeat pulsing loudly in his ears as he absorbed the information. All other rational thoughts jump out the window as he suddenly snaps and growled into the communication device, "What do you mean 'gone?' Norm, what the fuck happened?"

Neytiri didn't even have the heart to chastise her husband for such language in front of the children, her own mind spiraling at all of the possibilities that might have befallen her people, let alone Kayla. Tuk's hand instinctively reaches up to grab her mother's when she feels the older woman's distress, the air stale with tension as all eyes are fixed on the radio. 

"I had to force an emergency shutdown on Kayla's link in progress," Norm finally manages to explain without the connection cutting him off, "High Camp had to evacuate because we thought our location might've been compromised. We all scattered and ran to hide and avoid capture, but when we made it to the rendevous she didn't show up-- And... she's not here, Jake. We went back to camp when the coast was clear and Kayla is the only one not accounted for."

That could mean anything, but Jake wasn't ready to make any conclusions until he got the full story, "Who compromised High Camp?"

"Quaritch."

The room felt silent once more, dread swimming in Jake's gut as he closed his eyes and heaved a large, exhausted sigh. One of his ears flicked in the direction he knew Kiri was kneeling down to wrap her arms protectively around Spider without even having to look. 

"He had been sighted scouting the Hallelujah Mountains for days prior to this. We thought he might've finally found us so we dispersed."

Jake's head spun with emotions, trying not to let anger get the better of him as he clutched the radio, "Why didn't you call in these sightings to me? I would've come back."

"Because we thought he was after YOU, Jake. If you had come running back, he would've been there, waiting for you."

He took a deep breath, "Do we know for sure Quaritch has Kayla?" 

"We're still looking, but... look-- Kayla grabbed a radio before we split up and scattered. There was a tracker, and when we got back, Max tried to access it, but the signal was lost nearly halfway to our rendevous point. If Quaritch snatched her, he could be anywhere by now."

"... So why Kayla? Did he take her to get to me?"

"That's what I thought originally. But Jake-- we don't think he's reporting back to Ardmore anymore."

Norm's words clearly surprise Jake, eyes briefly widening before they return to their normal shape. Unaware of Jake's reaction, Norm's voice continues to come in through the radio, "We've been monitoring RDA radio chatter and there were never any indicators that he never called in a strike against the camp. Ardmore didn't send an army, it was just him. I think he acted alone on this, against Ardmore's orders. Or maybe she doesn't know about it. All I know is he's after something or someone, whether it's you or something else, he knows that Kayla has what he wants."

Jake feels a weight of revelation sink in his stomach, slowly peering over his shoulder, only to find that Spider was already looking back at him. As expected, Kiri was kneeling behind her best friend and her long blue arms encompassed the human teen's shoulders, tightening further when her father's gaze landed on them. Spider doesn't move or even breathe for that matter, the kid's eyes wide with what could only be described as fear. 

"I think I know what he's after," Jake muttered back into the radio, his eyes never leaving Spider's, "Let me get back to you with a plan, Norm."

He cuts contact on the radio and rushes to stand up. Kiri, assuming the worst after seeing the look in his eye when he gazed at Spider, speaks up before her father can even say a word, "Dad, you can't leave her! Not like when you left Spider!"

Jake winced, an apologetic expression directed at the boy in question before he straightened his posture, looking around at the room of Na'vi all staring at him expectedly. The weight of Toruk Makto was heavy on his shoulders once more... only this time it felt worse. The fear of failure was worse.

Quaritch likely has Kayla, and the very thought of the Recom holding his sister hostage brought that same, deep-rooted fear he had festered when Quaritch had taken his daughters. The haunted image of Quaritch's knife against Kayla's throat when they were fighting on the ship didn't help that fear. Looking over and meeting Neytiri's eyes, Jake saw that same haunted expression on her face, the look of someone who had lost so many of her loved ones to the colonel. Quaritch was responsible for her father's death, and the lives that were lost when Hometree fell. Quaritch was responsible for Tsu'tey, for Grace, for Trudy... Neteyam... Hell, he might have been the one held responsible for the death of Neytiri's sister, Sylwanin.  

Turning back and taking one look at Spider's pleading eyes, Jake was desperate to ensure that Kayla wouldn't be added to Quaritch's growing list. 

Jake's expression hardened, hiding away his thoughts while addressing Kiri, "I won't, baby girl. Not this time." 

~~~~~~~~~

A/n: In between chapters, I asked for a couple of commissions from the following:

I'd like to thank @sullyfortress for this beautiful masterpiece of Kayla!

And @rocklobster0 for making this cute chibi art of Kayla/Tonowari/Ronal! You guys are amazing individuals and are so gifted😍Thank you so much!

[prettyboykatsuki]

BEGGING you to speak on your dark content mai thoughts.....on my hands and knees fang

the only one for me | z. mai

✮ cw ; DARK CONTENT, afab + fem!reader, manipulation / BULLYING, dubcon (so much of it), it gets weird and sexual (of course.), alternate universe / not canon complaint, mai is INCREDIBLY possessive over reader sdkjs, humiliation, a lot of nobara conflict, mai calls nobara a bitch once, use of honorifics (senpai + san), 18+

✮ wc ; 2.3k (??)

✮ a/n ; i don't know....dont ask me fdjkkjsd. this is very like. i say this a lot but this is so much more bullying heavy than my other stuff and mai is a lot more selfish than my other characters lol.

the smut isn't super graphic! this is mostly psychological tomfoolery. reader is also peak pathetic here SDKJSJK

It's not an accident.

And it didn't happen overnight, though Mai is certainly wants to make you feel like that. It happened, or it started mostly because Mai notices the way interact with Nobara. And there's always competition there - the same current of tension that makes the two of them hate each other while never leaving the other alone.

It's not accident, the first time Mai decides to bother you. It's not an accident when she ruins your social life, not an accident when she clings to your side and makes you feel nauseous with how she refuses to leave you alone.

The world of Jujutsu Sorcery is small and archaic. Even with the death of the Zenin clan - and the slow, steady departure of clan politics, not much has changed. There are plenty of women in sorcery, and they're all interconnected like a web. A solidarity there that exists because it has too.

It's hard to survive without such a thing, and it's hard to work yourself into a network with such deep roots.

You stick out like a sore thumb among them.

A late bloomer, you began as a sorcerer after high school and joined Jujutsu Higher at the technical college level at 20. You're bright, she hears from the grapevine. You start working in the field only attending one mission, and Gojo Satoru declares you as a prodigy before the day is over.

She sees you, for the first time when she's forced to attend an even at the Tokyo school for all sorcerers. You're with Nobara. Unlike what she hears about, you don't have much of a presence.

The first time Mai catches you and Nobara alone - she finds herself surprised. Nobara's bullying is cruel but crude. Insulting but not particularly clever. The first time Mai catches the two of you alone, it's in alley with you on your knees - your face under Nobara's skirt as she demeans you with a heel between your legs.

Mai is mostly surprised. She didn't think Nobara had it in her, too much of a goody two-shoes.

But more than that, more than anything - she's interested in the look on your face when you pull away. You're quite the cry-baby, and you don't push Nobara even when Mai knows you're stronger than her by a lot. One of the greatest sorcerers to pop up in the last few years, and there you'd been.

Crying, weeping, pleading - in ruins about so many things.

How cute.

It's hard for things to catch Mai's interest. She thinks it's the little sister in her. She wants plenty but not enough to keep them. She finds people cute but never enough to date them.

But there was something about you - something about how timid and weak you acted when she knew you were strong, that made Mai curious. At first, it was just to piss Nobara off. Approaching you was a silly game she played her hand in to pass the time.

She liked seeing the crease in Nobara's features when Mai got your attention. She liked the way you looked uncomfortable when she was friendly, knowing her terrible intentions but still being polite. She liked that you used formal speech with all the higher-ups, and that you got along well with the boys of your age group but not so much the girls.

Mai likes, especially, that you are so socially outcast. You never seem to know how to be comfortable in conversations with all the girls. You try too hard, talk too rough but you can't raise your voice.

And her head is always replaying that same image of you on your knees, face soaked with cum and tears and so desperately hanging on. It plagues her a little, to watch you.

It's not an accident, the first time Mai asks to partner with you on a mission. The higher-ups owe her a lot and something this simple takes no effort on her part at all.

It's not an accident you take on a dangerous mission, it's not an accident when you get cornered, and it's certainly not an accident as Mai watches you take down a horde of curses all by yourself. You're a prodigy when you sweat. You're strong.

But you fold under the slightest pressure.

__

It's easy enough to isolate you.

You're too clever to fall for manipulation, and Mai doesn't enjoy lying to her peers. Cutting the threads that tie you to other things, things that aren't her - is enough to make it happen. She calls the shots to get you relocated, and slowly takes your social life apart when you enter. She tells Momo that you don't seem to like girls like her, tells Miwa something about the fact that you're cruel from what she's seen. They believe because they know Mai and don't know you.

The other women hear something along those same lines. It's all too easy.

She watches from a far after that. The seeds are spread, and you fumble trying to make friends. Mai waits until you're lonely. No one signs up with you for missions, no one seems to say hello in the halls.

Mai waits patiently. She catches you on a good day, when you're alone.

("I thought Nobara didn't like cigarettes," Mai leans next to you on the wall, supressing a smile at the way you startle. You nearly drop what you're smoking but it never ends up falling to the floor "She kept whining about it like a kid when her ex used to smoke."

"Mai-san," Your voice is hoarse, like you've been crying. She checks to see if your eyes are red, but it's too hard to tell "What are you doing up here?"

"I can't be friends with you? How harsh, senpai."

You look uncomfortable the familiarity. She knew you would. She's been watching you all this time.

"You shouldn't be picky," Mai tsks, sitting herself too close to you. She takes your cigarette and puts her lips on the end, lipgloss sticking to the paper. Your eyes grow wide, expression a little shocked. Is it the indirect kiss? How innocent of you "It's not like there's anyone else who wants to be around you, is there?"

You don't protest her words. Her timid upper classmen. If you had more of a spine, you would surely say that doesn't mean you want her around either.

You don't though. You just sigh, and pull the cigarette from her lips and put it out.

"Don't pick up bad habits."

Mai wants to tell you it's already much too late.)

Mai learns you have several interesting things about you. You're a crybaby, but you're strong. You're easy to bully, but you like to be helpful.

You're too friendly. You're always especially nice to girls and it seems you have no issue winning them over even on accident. Mai doesn't like that about you. It bothers her when you stray too far from her sight. When you have to return to Tokyo for work and she can only imagine what nonsense Nobara is putting through your thick skull.

She learns the easiest way to get you to listen is by using her feelings. No matter how much Mai troubles you or inconveniences you, you can never leave her to the snakes. No matter how much Mai pushes you against your boundaries, you'll never push her away.

You're too moral and too upright. Too good and too naive. And there is something about those things inside of you that make it hard for Mai to leave you alone.

She can't help but unload all of the cruelty that wells up inside her when she looks at the face you make when you're defeated. That pleading look you get when Mai pushes just a little too far - to helpless to your own sense of responsibility to ever scold her properly.

You make such a perfect target, it makes so hard for Mai to stay away. She always wants you next to her. Wants to tangle you inside of a web so intricate you never stop feeling like you'll lose balance. She wants to leave you in that sort of ruin, where the feeling of suspense drives you into madness and you can't do anything but lean.

It's a bad habit she's picked up. Putting you in uncomfortable, frustrating situations. Coercing you into touching her, into letting her feel you up. Her reasons are always the same.

If it's not you, then maybe I'll go and do it to someone else. Wouldn't that be bad, senpai?

__

"Mai-san," Your voice is cute when it's like this. It's in the middle of a dangerous situation and there's a curse lurking near by - but part of the fun is the danger. Mai sits between your legs with a grip, a hand on your cheek. "We shouldn't do this here. Th-theres curses. Y-you'll get hurt."

She laughs - she can hear the callous in it. Truthfully she's pissed. Whatever you get up too when Nobara is around you is more than enough to sour her mood. You come back to Kyoto with all of your clothes smelling of that sickly perfume - so it's only fair she makes you uncomfortable.

It's only fair that she keeps you here, trapped with her against the wall. That she suffocates and overwhelms your senses with her. Nobara is still too soft on you. But Mai owns you. She'd put a dog collar on you if it helped you understand, she worries you'll always be too thick.

"You were hanging around with that bitch weren't you," She tsks. You widen your eyes than look away, have the nerve to get flushed. The anger she feels is so visceral it nearly burns her alive "You look real happy about it too,"

"You shouldn't talk about Nobara-san like that," You gasp when Mai pushes her knee between your legs. Your head falls forward, and your heart is pumping. "She's a nice girl."

Haah.

She wraps her hand around your hair, tugging enough that you're forced to look up at her.

"You're saying that even after she bullied you like some kind of psycho. Do you have a fetish for it or something?"

You open your eyes and blink up at Mai.

"She's not like that," You gasp as Mai digs her knee further into your pelvis "I-it's harmless. She doesn't mean anything by it."

Her anger hits a high.

"So what, you wanna go play housewife with her? Do you like that annoying—you'll take anything won't you. So pathetic all by yourself that any attention will do."

"Mai,"

"It can't be anyone else but you. And I have to vent my anger somewhere, so get it through your thick fucking skull, alright? Nothing else will work."

You look at her like you've realized something, but you don't raise your voice to speak. Mai doesn't bother herself with what you could be thinking. It doesn't matter to her what it is anyway.

She busies herself instead with doing what she knows will soothe her mood. Unzipping the top of your jeans and undoing the button as a curse creaks behind you. You widen your eyes. Mai puts a hand over your mouth, electricity buzzing through each of her nerves.

"Quiet, senpai," She whispers to you softly as she pushes her hand into your jeans, fingers running over your slit. You're so predictably, soaking wet from just a little bullying. You're so easy to target it's no wonder. She pulls back just slightly to peer at the expression you have on your face. "It'll hear you."

Once those words hit you, you make that face that Mai adores so much. Tears well up and spill down your face in waves, warm breath tickling the palm of her hand as her fingers tease your clit. It doesn't take anything to make you cum, you're easy in all the ways it matters. Mai can always use that so she doesn't mind.

She knows all the ways to break you down slowly, knows how slow to go until your sniffles turn to soft sobs. Her beloved upperclassmen, pathetic and too forgiving. If you happen to leave her sight, she's sure something worse will happen to you.

Another girl will take advantage of you helplessly and that wouldn't be fair. She's the only one allowed to do it. She's the only one who will ever understand you so fully. Nobara can't do it like she can.

Only Mai is allowed to break you. She knows all the best ways to put you back together.

"You're so wet. Such a bad girl. How could you being doing this in the middle of a fight. Tsk, tsk," Mai reprimands you with delight, watching the way your eyes roll back as she toys with you. Your clit throbs under her touch - hot and sticky and desperate. "You better hurry up and cum so you can go fight. How else will you protect me, huh?"

"Mai-san," You gasp as she moves her hand from your mouth, body leaned against the wall - sweat dripping down your forehead "Mai-san, please."

"Say it," Mai taunts, grabbing your chin "That I'm the only one for you. Repeat it so you understand."

You give her a look but do as she says. So obedient she wants to praise you.

"You're the only one for me, Mai-san,"

You look at her when you say it. Even though she knows you don't mean it, she feels her heart thump and swallows the feeling before grinning.

"My dear senpai,"She hums, leaning into to tug your ear lobe between her teeth "Cum, okay? Cum as much as you want."

Mai tucks your head against her chest as you cum, pulsing around her fingers.

Yes, it was never an accident to begin with. And it's Mai's responsibility to keep wrapped up with her right where you're supposed to be.

[ddollfface]

𝐀 𝐒𝐞𝐥𝐟𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐉𝐞𝐚𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐬𝐲

𝙆𝙞𝙮𝙤𝙨𝙪𝙢𝙞 𝙆𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙪 𝙔𝙖𝙣𝙙𝙚𝙧𝙚 𝙃𝙚𝙖𝙙𝙘𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙣𝙨 (𝙋𝙖𝙧𝙩 2.)

Warnings; yandere behavior, bad writing, stalking, creepy letters, misogyny, pushy behavior, me rambling, groping, touchy behavior, reader is a girl, not proofread, Tumblr's a bitch btw :/ If I missed anything, then please let me know ♡ I'm fully aware that nobody wanted this (I see all of you in my inbox, I'm getting to you, trust), but this little rat has been stuck in my mind. Ngl I have a love-hate relationship with Kiyosumi, but it's whatever. Enjoy :)

Okay, I don't like Kiyosumi. He's mean, brash, loud, arrogant, and doesn't think before he acts, overall there are no redeeming qualities to his personality. And I don't think he'd ever change for someone else, whether it be his master, Doppo, a lover, or a friend. He's stuck in his ways and doesn't want to see the world in any other way. And I just know that if I were to ever meet Kiyosumi (if he were real), we would absolutely loathe each other.

Everything about him genuinely pisses me off, and I can't imagine how anyone could enjoy his presence, so this is why I think Kiyosumi would be an absolute freak to have on your ass. There's no way any sane wo/man would ever consider being in a relationship with him unless they were being held hostage.

I believe that Kiyosumi would be a stalker, through and through. He doesn't have the charisma that Jun or Katsumi (though it's clumsy) have. He's rude and annoying, which is clear throughout the series, but this doesn't mean he doesn't have experience with women. He does, but he doesn't retain any of the information, his head is too stuck up his ass to recognize what works and what doesn't.

He doesn't know how to get a woman into his bed without paying her; he doesn't know how to get a girl to laugh, nor does he know how to get someone to like him. Even though he's an attractive man, he can't seem to get anyone to stay.

Kiyosumi is the butt of the joke, no matter who he's talking to. Everyone makes fun of him and sees him as a weak martial artist, leading him to use extreme measures to appease his own ego, seeing as no one else will. This is why he uses underhanded tactics while fighting, and I think this applies to his dating life. Now, this leads me to the type of girls Kiyosumi would pine after.

The first type is sweet, caring, and sensitive. She can't stand up for herself and flinches at the slight raise in tone. Overall, this type of girl is very insecure and usually sticks to herself or her very, very close circle (who she's likely known since she was a little girl).

If this matches you, then well aren't you lucky. Now you have Kiyosumi tracking your ass. He won't leave you alone, no matter how many times you whisper for him to back off, albeit politely. He takes every stutter, breaking off eye contact, and flushed cheeks as a sign that you're interested in him, not able to get it through his thick skull that you're uncomfortable.

With this type of reader, I see Kiyosumi being an abusive, manipulator who's taking advantage of someone who's smaller than him, both physically and mentally. Kiyosumi enjoys the control you give him, seeing as you don't demean him like everyone else. You're nice to him, though you shouldn't be. You're unnaturally giving, and at first, it makes him conscious, believing that you've got some trick up your sleeve.

Kiyosumi has genuinely never felt such kindness that he's developed major trust issues, which have formed into anger issues. He belives that he's being underappreciated in the martial arts, but you give him the recognition he's looking for. You don't say anything mean to him, if anything you're complimenting him (you're not)!

I feel horrible for this type of reader, far too much of a nervous wreck to say shit to Kiyosumi, letting his hands wander where they shouldn't be. You feel as if you're not in a place of power, in a high enough authority to say anything. Maybe if you just keep your mouth shut he'll leave you alone, right?

It's better to just ignore how his hand slowly creeps down, down, down, settling on your ass, cupping the fat, and squeezing; to ignore how his eyes linger on your cleavage, which you've covered as much as possible, not wanting any attention from Kiyosumi. Or how he wraps his arm around your shoulder, pressing his chest to your back, forcing you to feel ever muscle, the raw power they hold.

Though Kiyosumi is weak in the grand scheme of things; you don't know that, so he uses that to his advantage, forcing you into compromising situations. You're clearly not comfortable with his advantages, tugging on his hand when he caresses your waist, his sweaty hands practically leaving stains on your light sundress.

He chooses to ignore when you actively lean away from him, not wanting to catch a whiff of his alcohol-drenched breath, no gum can fix his rank breath. The grease colllecting in his onyx hair, made the gel shine a little too much.

Kiyosumi is just gross, and clearly not a ladies' man. Hell! You doubt that Kiyosumi has even interacted with a woman who isn't his mom! But you'd never tell him that, you don't think you'd survive the stare he'd give you seconds after. Living for others' approval has been your goal since you were a little girl, and seeing such a disapproving stare would break you.

But that's what Kiyosumi likes about you. You're just so soft, so nice, and sweet. You'd never undervalue him like all the other women do, like Doppo does. No, you wouldn't do that to him, you're far too kind for that (he acts like he knows you better than you know yourself).

Kiyosumi will try to pressure you into advancing your "relationship" at a rapid pace. At one moment, he's following you around work, trying to get your number and the next he's sleeping in your bed, hogging the blanket like an ass.

It makes your head spin and knees quake. Your life has spun upside down, no longer looking the same as just a few months ago. Kiyosumi has weaseled his way into your life, securing himself in your home like a leech.

Now he can make sure that no other man is getting even close to you. No, no, no you cannot even speak to other men. Kiyosumi wants your eyes on him, and only him. He's not letting you go, not after he's found the jackpot, you. You're the only person who's "appreciated" him on this level; you're like his sweet, little honeypot, that only he has. He doesn't want to share his new toy with the other boys, not when you're so damn cute.

UGH! He's literally the definition of an ICK. I hate him so much because, c'mon angel face, don't you know we're in this together? All you have to do is trust me, and let me take the reins, yeah? Just let me be the man. Now, just sit your cute ass down, and shut your mouth.

[desireve]

drunk sickness ¡

finnick o’dair x fem!reader

summary : as much as you hated the capitol and their precious darling, that night, alcohol wasn’t enough.

authors note : omg my first one-shot, it's a kind of - enemies to lovers to crisis, hope you like it! i may write more about these two.

If Finnick knew what the taste of lovesickness was like, he would have already chosen whiskey. The chaos of loving someone made his heart senseless. 

That night, at the Capitol's party, in the dimmest corner, they looked at each other, surrounded by smoke that filled their lungs. Finnick's presence was surrounded by eager women, but they failed to capture his attention. His focus, fixed on that woman.

Meanwhile, y/n drowned her sorrows in red wine and smoke, feeling burning eyes that hinted at a plea for union. Locked in a haze, y/n sensed the influence of alcohol as she saw sea-green eyes piercing her. She rose, seeking refuge in a corner away from prying creatures, knowing that only those warm, lustful eyes mattered.

she walked down, the satin dress swaying with her legs, finally face to face. "Take me away from here," she demanded, and Finnick complied, leaving the eccentric women all alone. They went behind that big white mansion, less eyes, soft music and moonlight shining that tan skin and the satined body. 

“we shouldn’t..” he whispered looking the cigarette smoke dragging out of her lips. Finnick felt his head spin, need crippling his skin and making reason evaporate. “I’m sick and tired of this, o’dair.” she spat, her whisper full of frustration. “please..” he approached, putting his arms on her shoulders.

"Don’t you see?" she cuts him off, her whisper was soft, a delicate undertone. "This act of me avoiding you, you avoiding me and yet we always end up together." Finnick was speechless, a heavy sigh escaping him, shoulders slouching in defeat. She had a point; his pretending was becoming increasingly pathetic. She was the death of him, a scarlet fever he couldn't escape.

He approached her, uncomfortably close, his hands sliding onto her wrists. Despair swirled in his sea eyes, letting them talk replacing any futile word he could have uttered. She sighed once more, the silence inducing dizziness, her head spinning. fuck red wine.

"Kiss me."

The tense silence was short-lived. Those words hung in the air, making them both uneasy under the moonlight. His eyes stuck on her lips, he finally broke that tension.

Their breaths synced, heavy and eager, their lips hungry, to taste to bite to bleed.

"Just- quick.." he whispered, his soft lips brushing against hers. A soft gasp escaped her as his tongue traced the outline of her mouth, causing his breath to quicken. Desperate to get closer, she pulled him in and they clung to each other. But as quickly as the moment came, it was gone, leaving them both breathless. With a sigh, he finally pulled away, his head spinning as he fought to catch his breath while her lips burned with the heat of their first kiss.

Under the watchful eyes of the Capitol, their drunken haze making this feel all right.

screaming, crying and throwing up.

[ppawmpkin]

Make it to me.

Black Fem! Reader x Shuri

Sexual Content. 18+

“You’ve been having marriage problems?!” Okoye said, her voice a little more louder than you appreciate, placing a warning finger to your lips. “Jesus, quiet down a little.” You said, eyes peering uncomfortably around the room to see if anyone had heard her, before lowering your voice in a whisper. You beckoned her closer, til your mouth was near her ear. “Yes.” You said, although issue were to happen in every marriage, you still felt displaced saying it, those words felt equivalent to, “My relationship is falling short.” and in all honesty, you hated it. Being a wife to a princess wasn’t hard, you loved her and she loved you but, being a wife to the most smartest of women in the entire world, that’s another story. And yes, you loved her and that huge brain of hers, one that had made you fall deeply for her in the first place, but you felt if her lab was slowly but surely easing into your position, corrupting all of your woman’s time.

“What kind?” She asked, concern glazed across her features. “I’m competing with her lab for her attention, kind of problems.” You said, taking a sip of your warm coffee, feeling the warm, pure flavors on your tongue. “That’s just Shuri, she loves you.” She said, using her words in attempt to soothe me. “I know that but I still feel neglected, we haven’t been talking much and sometimes the girl doesn’t even come home.” You huffed, feeling stressed on the matter. You didn’t suspect any foul play or cheating from her, at all. You just hated the distance, you didn’t just want to know she loved you, you wanted her to show it, you sure had been these last weeks, displaying your affections only to receive the minimum in return. “Have you tried talking to her?” Okoye questioned, raising her eyebrows slightly. You looked down, eyes examining the floor which gave Okoye your answer from that alone, you hadn’t. “I’ll tell you this, try communicating with her first, tell her so she can be aware of how you feel and fix it.” She said, the actions described being easier said than executed.

“But Okoye-” You groaned, doubt laced in your tone which made her quickly shut you down, placing a hand right in front of your face. “Nope, I don’t want to hear it, talk about it that’s it, that’s all.” She said, giving you a look of warning before making her exit, not wanting to hear your countless excuses. You let what she said marinate, weighing both of your responses to the issue on a balance. Hers had won in every area, having the probability of the greater outcome other than you sitting there and doing nothing. Damn. You disliked addressing issues, it just wasn’t in you, not that Shuri had made you uncomfortable matter of fact, quite the opposite. She deserved to know, it would kill her if she knew you were keeping a feeling from her, especially after she told you that anything you express is completely fine.

You had to, it just wouldn’t be right if you didn’t. You stood up from your seat, jittery as you made your way to her lab. Finally, you reached her lab, hearing her frustrated voice echo across the room. She appeared to be working on something, to be honest, you had no earthly idea what it was but you knew it was something resourceful and most likely, valuable. She couldn’t even hear your footsteps, being to engrossed in critiquing her own work out loud. Fix this, change that, mixed with much more cursing than she usually did. Filthy mouth. You thought to yourself, knowing that if she would’ve heard your thoughts out loud, she would be fast to jump to her defense. “Hello, my love.” You say, loudly enough to interject her constant rambling. Although, not being able to see her, you could feel her smile, warmth enveloping your own body. She was in a great state, if she was stressed or upset, your presence had melted that all away.

“Hey, princess.” She said, her soft words making you feel butterflies in your stomach. That pet name always did, and always would have that same effect on you, despite you having it for years. You found yourself, wrapping your arms around her shoulders, kissing her cheeks. “Mhm, what brings you here?” She said, melting with every small peck you had gave her. “I wanna talk to you about something, really quick.” Shuri raised her eyebrows, curiosity dancing in her deep brown eyes. “What is it, love?” She questioned, giving you her full attention, eyes only trained on you. “You’ve been distant, lately. For the last two weeks.” You just jumped right in, not giving yourself enough time to sugar coat. She sighed, “I know, I never intended to be, I had so much work to attend to these last weeks, plus my responsibilities on the throne.” She said, you could tell she felt bad, so you grabbed her hands in yours. Your warm hands contradicting her cool ones. “It’s fine, I just was worried.” You said, eyes on hers, letting her know you meant it. “No, princess, it’s not. I’ve neglected you, I’m sorry. Never again.” She said, placing a kiss on your ring, something that, in reality you should be doing to her. She was a princess after all.

In all truthfulness, her gentleness with you made you forget all about what nagged you in the first place. You couldn’t stay upset at her, not one bit especially when she was so damn irresistible and so smooth with her words. “You’re forgiven.” You said, practically looking at her with hearts in your eyes. She noticed, how quick you went from addressing a issue to undressing her with your eyes. You weren’t even subtle with it, looking her up and down with no shame. In your defense, she did look so damn edible right now, dressed in a simple jeans and white shirt but looking otherworldly, especially when the wakadian sun favored her so greatly. “Damn, you could at least attempt to be slick with it.” She joked, humoring herself. You smiled, not the slightest of shameful. Hell, even she couldn’t blame you.

“You’re my wife, I don’t have to be.” You inched closer to her, mouth centimeters apart from hers. “You owe me for lost time anyway.” You pulled her shirt toward you, closing the small gap between you both. She kissed you speechless, with so much love and passion. Her mouth dominating your own, making you groan as she tasted every inch of you. Both of your mouths found a harmony, becoming slower and sloppier at the end when you both needed to breathe and even then, you didn’t want to stop. The room was now filled with your heavy panting. “We can’t do this here, I’d hate to mess up any-” You were interrupted by her hand clearing the table, all just for you to sit on. “Good? Good.” She answered her own question, grabbing you by your waist and setting you on her table. Her legs standing in between your spread ones, fingers lifting your face so your eyes meet hers.

“Strip, before I rip those clothes from your body and I would really, really hate to. Especially when you look so damn good in them.” She says, eyes low set, clouded with a carnival desire for you. You ease out of your clothing, each piece falling to the floor with a quick plop. She drifted her fingers hungrily over your body, grazing over every curve, every mole and every scar, she loved everything about your shape. The small pudge at your stomach, the swell of your chest and ass, the stretch marks that creeped up your shoulders and breast. “Mhm, beautiful, baby. You are just divine.” She complimented, her now warm hands fondling your breast while her mouth painted kisses on your neck. You shivered under her, as she used her mouth to mark you. Although she didn’t need any marks to prove you were hers.

“Shuri.” You moaned, as her mouth worked its way down your body, kissing both of your nipples before licking them with her tongue. Sending waves of subtle pleasure through your body. She littered kisses over your stomach, til she reached your thighs, avoiding where you ached for her the most. “Stop playing.” You groaned, irritated with her antics.”You rushing me, Princess?” She laughed, rubbing a finger down your slit, sticking her fingers that were coated with your juices in her mouth. “Mhm you taste so sweet.” She licked her fingers one last time, completely savoring your taste before diving her tongue into your soaked cunt. Your fingers grasped her hair, weaving their way in the softness of her curly locks. Sinful sounds slipped your lips, not being able to contain yourself with how much exhilarating pleasure she was causing you.

Sucking on your sensitive clit, eyes staring directly into your soul. She loved it, watching you crumble, body surrendering to her and to her only. As those precious sounds you made fell upon her ears, she couldn’t help her desires any more. Showing you no mercy with how she was swallowing you whole, all while her eyes remained trained on your face. Nasty. Wasn’t even the word for it, it was down right, Disgusting. You started to grind against her face, aching for more, more and more. You could tell she planned to slut you out completely, make you forget your own name. She had to be, with how nose deep she was in your cunt. Your wetness bounced off the walls and you were sure any one in earshot could hear how she was making you feel. Curses leaving your lips time and time again.

You started to feel that familiar knot in your stomach, so close to tipping off the edge. “You’re close?” She questioned, already knowing the answer from her you were clenching around her tongue. “Y-yes.” You struggled, feeling the knot get bigger with every movement if that skilled mouth of hers. Feeling the waves of sweet pleasure overtake your body, you finally let go, a string of swears leaving your lips as you came, juices dripping down into Shuri’s mouth. She cleaned the corners of her lips, taking as much of you as she could before sallowing your juices with ease. “I love you, y’know that?” You said, still coming down from your high, head still partially in the clouds. “You have to, because you definitely wouldn’t have been spread on this desk for anyone else.” She chuckled, grabbing one of her big sweaters, trying to hand it to you but you declined. “I have to take care of you first.” You said, hands wandering off on her body. She removed them, kissing your hand. “You can do that upstairs, later.” Shuri said, slipping the sweater over your head. She kissed you one last time, giving your ass a smack before you left her lab, she left you wanting more, biting your lip every time a thought of her entered your mind. If you weren’t ever looking forward to anything else, you most definitely were looking forward to tonight.

[kkeidawrites]

Change of View

Spring rolled through the Seireitei, the infinite trees of cherry blossoms littered almost every barrack. The pink petals were almost everywhere, some piles covering an entire road or entering your clothes in locations you probably wouldn’t notice until you undressed; it was insane.

The Kuchiki manor, known for their large cherry blossom trees, the servants hated this time of year. The grueling hours that it would take while cleaning up the small pink petals all throughout the season were going to be long and strenuous.

A young male servant wiped his brow as he used a broom to sweep the petals into as a place to lean against a moment. There was a bag by his feet, it was used to push the petals into and be properly disposed of.

“Another year of these little things.” He mutters, disgruntled.

The sound of panting and running feet came towards the man, and he turned his neck to see another male servant coming up to him. The running man comes to a stop in front of him, his sweated brow noticeable as he catches his breath.

“Did you hear?” He questions. The one with the broom raises a brow.

“Hear what?”

“Lady Kuchiki has just interrupted a meeting with the elders!” He tattles and broom man gapes in disbelief.

“I know Lady Kuchiki is quite bold, but with the elders?” Broom man says perplexed.

🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷🪷

This entire meeting was ridiculous.

The setting was a quiet and uncomfortable affair, the room’s atmosphere growing thick in tension.

The Kuchiki elders had arrived early in the morning to discuss some unimportant matters related to the clan’s future. Their ‘visits’ were always never what they were really there for originally, it was just to keep an eye on the current clan head.

Byakuya sat on his knees, poised and quiet as he was taught when in the presence of the elders and his chronic frown stared bored at the three elders sitting in front of him.

His grandfather, Ginrei, sat on the far right of the room, watching him closely to make sure he didn’t say something out of place. The old woman in the middle was his great, great aunt on his mother’s side of the family. The old bat, was in control of the family affairs and whom you would meet to ask for marriage into the Kuchiki clan. The final old man on the left, a distant uncle on his father’s side controlled all the finances and wages of the servants who worked for the family and was head of the employment department for the clan.

“It would seem that once again you have allowed the mansion to be run amuck of any captain and lieutenant of the Gotei 13. Surely, you forget that the Kuchiki manor is not a ‘hangout’ spot.” The old aunt berates Byakuya.

Byakuya almost rolled his eyes. It was not his fault that the Shinigami Women’s Association kept appearing in his home, or the fact that they kept finding different places to have their little meetings within his manor.

“I’m fully aware that my home is not a place for parties and solicitors. I have already spoken my complaints to the head captain.” Byakuya answers back in annoyance.

“Typical. Yamamoto is not going to worry about such things such as that, especially if it comes to our family.“ the old uncle said acidly.

“And what of this woman of yours? Has she finally put her family’s affairs aside to begin her duties here as the Lady of the House?” The aunt speaks up again, a brow raised.

“My wife,” Byakuya corrects the woman with a glare.

“Has no reason to worry about what happens within the house. Such duties are historic and tired. She has helped more beyond our home than any women in the past. You forget so quickly that Hisana was the same way.” Byakuya defends and the aunt scoffs with a turn of her cheek.

“She surely spends money like she’s not the Lady of the House.” The old uncle said.

“Money that is hers alone. Money she made without the help of her family. Do we forget about what family Y/n reigned from?” Byakuya questions and the elders are quiet.

“My wife’s ‘duties’ is what she will do on her own. She’s done more for our clan and her’s that you still do not know your place.” The elders frown in annoyance.

“Watch your mouth, boy.” The aunt bites but Byakuya continues.

“Y/n has made it clear that she will do what needs to be done as the Lady of the House but she is much more important than being stuck here to only care for the household and make children. We had agreed to such a thing even before we had married. It would seem you all are becoming increasingly involved with the wrong things when you have yet to explain what you are really here for.” Byakuya said.

The elders are quiet for minute until his grandfather cleared his throat and stared down his grandson.

“Our concerns are not with you, it is-“

“You need to persuade your wife into allowing our clan to have control in her clan’s influence of the royal family.” The old uncle interrupted, his grandfather glares at the uncle.

Byakuya’s eyes narrow further into his brow.

“And just what will this greedy idea help with our clan?” Byakuya questions.

“How little you think of your own clan’s future boy. If we have just one person from the royal family on our side, we would be even more powerful than we already are.” Uncle says enthusiastically.

“My wife, nor I, will be made pawns to your greedy little game. We already are the most prominent noble families in the Seireitei, and I refuse to be involved into something that could possibly hurt our family.” Byakuya said firmly.

“You inconsiderate little-“

The sound of the shoji doors slam open, and a menacing shadow encases Byakuya’s back. The four people turn to see who had inappropriately interrupted their private meeting and they gasped quietly.

Y/n Kuchiki glared dangerously at the elders, and walked inside the tatami room her glare growing much more heated as she came closer.

Standing next to her husband, Y/n simply glances at her beloved a loving smile thrown his way then turns to the elders, folding her hands into her white and red shihakusho. Her zanpakuto hanged low on her back as she gives the elders a quiet look over.

“You. How dare you interrupt a private meeting, you must be summoned by us to-“

“It is best that you shut the fuck up right now.” Y/n cursed Uncle who gasped in disbelief.

“I think you forget who you are talking to because you have clearly lost your mind.” Y/n speaks in a calm manner.

“What-“

“Have you forgotten that Byakuya is not one of your servants but in fact the clan heir to the Kuchiki noble family? He is not some minion that will follow your orders without hesitation, he is the man who will be running this family until all three of you are six feet under, I’m actually quite surprised you haven’t reunited with your friend Methuselah yet. Kami forbid, they take you first Genrei-san.” Y/n says and the aunt is quick to stand to her feet, her face red in anger.

“You are the Lady of the House you have no power or voice to talk to us this way!”

“Oh yes, I am the Lady of the House and with my limited power, I have the power to have you removed from my house if I so choose. Right?” Y/n leans in close to the aunt with a dark expression.

“Since you all are so interested in my resume I do not mind, helping you remember who I am.” Y/n’s eyes have darkened as her butterfly locs created a curtain around her face so only her face was visible to the woman before her.

“I am not only the Lady of the House,” Y/n takes a step closer and the aunt begins walking backwards.

“I am one of the heiresses of the Shihōin clan,” another step is made.

“The oldest daughter of Ichibē Hyōsube,” she takes two more steps.

“And a captain of Squad Zero, part of the Royal Guard. I think I have the right to say and do whatever the hell I want. And since I have heard what you have been saying to my beloved,” the aunt’s back finally hit the wall behind her.

“I have made it aware to my family that the current elders of the Kuchiki clan will not have the right to attend an audience with any royal member of the royal family. That way you all will have no influence over them, no matter whose ear you whisper into.” She says.

“What?” Ginrei gasps.

“You can’t do that!” Uncle speaks up his fists balled.

“I just did.” She giggled and turns to her husband. Walking over to him, Y/n bends over and grabs his chin, which was gaped slightly and kisses him, tongue and all earning a little groan from the man once she pulled away.

“We are the elders of the family, we have to do what we must to protect the family.” Y/n bursts in a laugh as she stands back up and turns to the elders once more.

“Protect the family? By doing what? Getting your little grubby hands onto the money you would be receiving for the next thousand years? More land to cement your name into or I know,” Y/n squares her shoulders.

“You want to have the power to finally run the clan without Byakuya’s presence, so he can be your little puppet.” She says and the elders are quiet.

“Your intentions were clear as soon as I was introduced to Byakuya and I had already put in place a fail safe just in case something like this happened once I married him.” Y/n said and moved to sit in her husband’s lap who became startled out of his shocked stupor to adjust his knees to become crisscrossed for her curvy body to sit properly in his lap.

“It’s a shame really, you poked your noses in business that wasn’t even yours to bother. What you should be worried about is how the servants here are scared silent because if they speak out of turn they are punished harshly for it. But don’t worry, I have that handled since it would seem their employer needs some reminder of how a boss should act.” Y/n throws at Uncle.

“What do you mean by that?” He demands.

“Don’t worry about that. For now, it looks like I have to fulfill my duties as Lady of the House.” She clears her throat.

“Since you’ve finally shown your true colors, I’m sure you’ll you all will be receiving a little letter from the Royal Family in a few days time.” Snapping her fingers, the shoji doors were opened once more as the clan ninjas appeared in the doorway.

“I believe this meeting is adjourned, as The Lady of the House, you two,” she points to Aunt and Uncle who were still gaping at her.

“Are forbidden for a year from entering the mansion. We shall have meetings elsewhere if need be but, at this house, you are not welcomed. I wish I could make it permanent but, alas, I have such limited power. I’ll fix that soon enough.” Y/n smirks in their direction.

“Take them away please.” She orders sweetly and the ninja’s take the aunt and uncle whom of course, didn’t go away quietly. They cursed and swore at the waving woman sat on Byakuya’s lap and promised that she wouldn’t get away with this.

Once they were gone, the shoji doors closed and the three remaining in the room became quiet.

Ginrei lets out a tremendous tired sigh and closes his eyes.

“Such a fuss. Surely that could have happened more appropriately.” Ginrei said and Y/n shrugs carelessly.

“They shouldn’t have said what they said. Besides, you were happy that those two were gone.” Y/n smirks and Ginrei gives her a small smile in return.

“Indeed, however, you will have to deal with them when the year is up. I’m sure you will handle that time much more carefully.” Ginrei watches a dark grin appear on the woman’s lips and he chuckles quietly standing to his feet with a slight groan.

Y/n removed herself from her husband’s lap and walked the old man to the door. Byakuya finally found the strength and mind to work his legs to help him stand and walked behind them.

“I shall take my leave then. Lady Kuchiki,” he bows to her as Y/n bowed as well.

“You must join me for tea sometime, Lord Genrei.” She offers and the old man gives a small smile again.

“Soon. I do hope to see my great-grandchildren for a bit longer the next time I come by.” He says and Y/n chuckles.

“Of course.” Ginrei turns to his grandson and bows to him as Byakuya bowed in return.

Once he left, the married couple was all that was left and Y/n nearly skipped over to her still baffled husband.

“Well, I’m glad that is over. You know you should invite me more to the meetings, it was fun seeing them get all angry.” Y/n laughs and her husband slowly turns his head to look at her, his resolve finally returning to him.

“I cannot believe you just did that.” He finally speaks and Y/n shrugs.

“Not like you didn’t know I was this way before you married me. Maybe we will have some peace and quiet around here, you know they have been coming by twice every month?” Y/n groaned in annoyance.

Byakuya was quiet as he stared at his wife, his frown still in place and she sighed absentmindedly fixing his white scarf to avoid any eye contact with him.

“Please don’t be mad. I was just trying to help, I didn’t mean to upset you.” She mutters.

Byakuya grabbed her hands on his scarf and brought them to his lips to kiss. Looking into her eyes, he gave her a sideways grin and used his right arm to pull her close by the waist.

“Never think of such a thing, my love. I’m proud of what you did, how they were talking about you in such a way was unacceptable and you stood up for not only yourself but our family.” He tells her and a smile appears on her lips.

He gently pulled a butterfly loc and Y/n giggled.

“I love you.” He utters.

“I love you, beloved.” She says and pulls him down into a kiss.

“Shall we go and meet the children for lunch?” He asked once they part and his wife nods.

“Oooh, I hope it’s tempura, I’ve been craving it since I came in here.” She said and Byakuya smiles as he places a hand on her rounded belly. Pregnant once again and Y/n swearing to the man that it would be their last.

He hoped it would be another boy, and if it were a girl he knew she would have him wrapped around her little finger. For their first set of children it was twin boys, whom looked so much like him when he was younger but had their mother’s personality.

“Come husband, maybe afterwards, we can have some personal time together.” She smirks seductively as she pulled him by the hand out the shoji doors.

Byakuya only gives her a smile as he’s pulled down the engawa to their personal quarters.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Tags: @demigoddessqueens @sailewhoremoon @zaatanna @comatosebunny09 @kokushiboublackgf @eiflawriting

[wuxianxkexing]

Mu Qing x Reader- Stop Fucking With My Cat Part 3

------------------------------------------------

Y/N waited quietly, albeit rather unhappily, as the pretty boy in front of her never once lowered his saber while he waited for the status report on his guards. Y/N knew that they were all ok, she actually had seen a bunch of guards on her way in, she was just good at sneaking past people unnoticed. Y/N was also well aware that this was a private garden, but she didn't consider herself to be stupid so she kept on insisting that she really had no idea that she was trespassing when pressed for more information. "Honestly I don't even know who you are so how could I know that this is your private garden? I'll leave and never come back!" Y/N went to stand up but found the saber moved to lightly press against her throat. "Or I'll stay." She laughed nervously as she got back onto her knees. "It is quite nice here. And I haven't seen Feng Xin in a while. How are you doing?" She gave a friendly wave and Feng Xin had to fight the urge to hide behind Ling Wen. Mu Qing huffed.

"Not yours but already on such a familiar bases, eh?" Feng Xin went to open his mouth but was cut off by Y/N before he could get a sound out.

"It's true, I'm not Ju Yang's. But I could be if he wanted me to be." Y/N said with as innocent a look and tone of voice as possible.

"Hell no." Feng Xin looked like he had died. Y/N died laughing on the inside. It was true, they hadn't seen each other since the trial. Y/N actually went out of her way to avoid him because the whole thing was rather awkward, but if she was going to be forced to remain in his presence she might as well tease him. One of the first things Xie Lian had told her about him was that he was terrified of women and hated being called Ju Yang, so if she was going to be held against her will with a saber against her throat by his friend the least she could do was return the favor by making him feel uncomfortable as well. Y/N fake pouted.

"Why not? I'm a great follower? I give Xie Lian really cool gifts all of the time. One time I even gave him a cool little rock spirit I found."

"Like hell you are. I have more than enough followers and I don't have any need for a rock spirit." Feng Xin still looked like he had died. "Plus you are a Goddess yourself, what are you even doing still worshipping another God, fucking weirdo." Feng Xin grumbled. Y/N shrugged. Mu Qing listened intently as the two argued back and forth but did not participate, for once. He was pretty sure Y/N was just trying to create a distraction so she could escape and he wasn't going to let that happen. After some minutes his servant returned and confirmed that all of his guards were alive and well.

"Tell me how you snuck in." Mu Qing spoke after he dismissed his servant once again.

"I didn't sneak in. Like I said I never saw any guards." Mu Qing knew better than to believe Y/N but it really did seem that she wasn't going to tell the truth no matter what he did.

"Then why did you decide to come here?"

"Because it's really pretty and I thought it was a public park."

"And what were you doing crawling around with my cat in your hand?"

"I was playing with him." Y/N shrugged.

"Most people don't play with cats by army crawling in the bushes." Mu Qing narrowed his eyes. "What were you playing?" Y/N feigned a cough in a feeble attempt to cover up the little laugh that had escaped.

"I was trying to teach him how to hunt." She said as seriously as possible, trying against all odds to maintain a straight face. Mu Qing rolled his eyes so hard that Y/N thought for a fleeting moment that they got stuck like that before they returned to meet her gaze.

"Well don't. He doesn't need your help, and there is nothing here for him to hunt anyways. All animals in the Heaven's are someone's pet so leave them alone if they aren't yours." Mu Qing wished for a moment that he knew Y/N well enough to tell if she was actually this stupid or if she was just pretending to be, but after everything that had happened at Feng Xin's palace it was probably safe to assume that she was just as daft as Quan Yizhan and Shi Qingxuan.

Ling Wen had been quietly watching the events unfold before her and had decided to finally speak up after it was determined no real harm was caused. "Y/N, I know you meant no harm but it is still very much so against the rules to show up inside another Official's private grounds without being invited. I'm afraid I'm going to have to write you a ticket for 100,000 merits to be paid to General Xuan Zhen, unless he would be so kind as to let this issue slide." Ling Wen tried to suggest diplomatically, though it was really only for show. She knew there was no way that General Xuan Zhen would drop this issue.

"I would not be so kind." Mu Qing rolled his eyes and scowled down at the still kneeling Y/N. It was her turn to look like she had died.

"I don't have any merits." She laughed out pathetically.

"That's not my problem." Mu Qing rolled his eyes again. "You will repay me even if it takes 10,000 years."

Ling Wen nodded. "Sorry Y/N but not everyone in the Heaven's is as kind as General Nan Yang. He let your trespassing and destruction of his palace go out of the kindness of his heart but I agree with General Xuan Zhen that you should be punished this time. You know better." Y/N stood up silently. I didn't even break anything this time! She thought to herself, but knew it would be pointless to try to argue. She did know better even though she tried to pretend otherwise. None of the others were buying it. "Come with me to my palace and we will get this ticket taken care of." Ling Wen started to walk away with a downcast Y/N in tow but suddenly stopped and turned on her heel. Y/N almost walked straight into her! "Wait! I almost forgot why I came here." Y/N stepped out of the way as Ling Wen walked closer to General Xuan Zhen. "I need that report today. I can't give you anymore time on it. Why did it take you a month to deal with a few little ghost fires?" Ling Wen arched a brow at Mu Qing. He crossed his arms and looked away from Ling Wen. She would definitely know if he lied if he looked her in the face while doing so. He sent a nervous glance at Feng Xin and then settled his gaze unconsciously on Y/N while he racked his brain trying to come up with anything remotely acceptable. Y/N suddenly spoke up.

"He was helping me with a mission." Mu Qing tried to keep a straight face. Did she misunderstand his thinking face as a plea for help?

"What mission? I haven't given you any lately." Ling Wen turned to Y/N.

"Well it was more like a personal mission. I thought that since I had nothing better to do that I would take care of that cat demon that occasionally causes trouble in the mountains."

"And General Xuan Zhen helped you with this?" Y/N nodded her head in a vague circular motion but Ling Wen didn't seem to notice the lie. "Why didn't either of you report this to my palace?"

"Well I did. While General Xuan Zhen was gone to get supplies I went to one of your temples and prayed and told you."

Ling Wen frowned and put her hand on her forehead. "Why didn't you just tell me in the communication array? That is not the proper way to exchange information." Mu Qing hadn't noticed earlier but Ling Wen looked like shit. Her skin was pale, her dark circles looked like she had been punched in the face and her normally perfect stature was slouched. She must be dead tired to not notice the obvious lies but he wasn't about to say anything.

"What's the difference?" Y/N smiled and tilted her head. The smoke coming out of Ling Wen's ears was almost visible.

"Why did you need General Xuan Zhen's help with such a low level spirit?"

"Well I ran across him on my way there and figured that it would be best to get a more experienced Heavenly Official to supervise just in case anything went wrong? Everything went smoothly though so I guess I didn't need him after all. Hahaha!"

"Well do you have any proof that you have taken care of the cat demon?" Mu Qing rolled his eyes. Leave it to Ling Wen to still ask for proof. A simple answer was never enough for her, thus why he had such trouble coming up with something.

"Well not anymore. You see it's rumored that the collar that the cat demon wore can grant the ability to speak to cats who wear it so I put it on his cat but he isn't wearing it anymore so I guess he lost it somewhere?"

Mu Qing gave her a glare that could turn her into stone. He dug in his robes and pulled out the pink pearl collar he had confiscated from Echo previously. "You mean this collar?"

Y/N looked at the ground and shuffled around nervously. "Yes." She reluctantly spoke. Mu Qing didn't know whether to laugh or cry. The cat demon's collar was supposed to made out of human remains. The leather was from the tongues of men that verbally abused cats and the pearls were originally teeth that had changed form from the immense hatred the cat demon bore towards humanity. This bitch really put a demonic collar on his Echo?! Mu Qing wanted to stab her then and there but held himself back. There were too many witnesses and he shouldn't hurt women, even if she was a fellow martial God. Still he couldn't help the scowl that now sat on his face. He shouldn't be surprised. Y/N was a demonic cultivator, of course she'd do some shit like this. He took a deep breath. Perhaps his cultivation path forbids hurting women unless they come after him first but he could still think up of some other way to make her pay.

Ling Wen raised an eyebrow at Y/N and then quickly turned her gaze back General Xuan Zhen, waiting for an outburst that never came. After a long silence between all present parties she walked over and grabbed the collar from General Xuan Zhen. "Thank you. I just have one more request. Could you please finish up your report really quick before I have to head back to my palace. I think it would be more convenient for both of us if I just pick it up while I'm here." Mu Qing nodded and lead Ling Wen inside.

Y/N was left alone in the garden with Feng Xin. Occasionally he would give her an awkward glance and she would do the same. Usually she would take the opportunity to tease him more but after being fined 100,000 merits Y/N wasn't feeling much like a comedian anymore. They continued on like that for what felt like forever until Ling Wen and Mu Qing reappeared. Satisfied that she had finally received the report Ling Wen called for Y/N to follow her as Feng Xin escorted them out of Mu Qing's palace, leaving Mu Qing and Echo alone in his meditation garden once again. Y/N briefly thought it was kind of funny. Why was General Nan Yang pretending to be someone else's servant? But really Feng Xin took it upon himself to escort them out because he knew Mu Qing's patience was wearing very thin.

On their way to her palace Ling Wen decided to make small conversation with Y/N. "So where did you meet General Xuan Zhen?"

"Hm?" Y/N looked up from the ground that she was quietly staring at as she walked behind Ling Wen like a kicked puppy. "At some tea house."

"Was he nice to you during the mission?"

"Yeah he was pretty nice." Y/N shrugged. What was she supposed to say? The whole thing was a lie, it was best to keep things simple even though General Xuan Zhen was anything but nice to her earlier.

"Hmm." Ling Wen smiled lightly. "Usually he doesn't get along with anyone. I'm glad that he was nice to you. " Ling Wen lead Y/N into her palace, past frazzled officials carrying mountains of scrolls and to her desk. She put the report on the left side of her desk and opened a drawer to grab a form. She quickly filled it out and handed one copy to Y/N while keeping the other copy for herself. "So we'll want to get you started paying back General Xuan Zhen as soon as possible. He isn't known for his patience. Come back here tomorrow at 8am sharp and I'll have a mission for you."

---------------------------------------------------------------------------

Here's the link to part 2!

[cherryrainn]

━━ ✧ 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐨𝐤𝐥𝐲𝐧 𝐛𝐚𝐛𝐲 {𝐬𝐭𝐫𝐢𝐤𝐞𝐫 𝐱 𝐫𝐞𝐚𝐝𝐞𝐫}

.5 - 𝙨𝙖𝙡𝙫𝙖𝙩𝙤𝙧𝙚.

─ ✩ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒 ; s3lf harm, depression, bulimia, mental health issues, self hatred, stuff like that, and just like my other stories... lots of angst!

─ ✩ 𝐖𝐀𝐓𝐓𝐏𝐀𝐃 𝐕𝐄𝐑𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍

─ ✩ 𝐒𝐎𝐍𝐆 ;here

─ ✩ 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓 𝐁𝐄𝐅𝐎𝐑𝐄

─ ✩ 𝐍𝐄𝐗𝐓 𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓

the next day, you woke up with a mix of relief and weariness. the events of the previous day had left you emotionally drained, and all you wanted was to go back home. with a heavy heart, you checked out of the motel and stepped out into the unforgiving streets of the infernal city.

as you walked, the weight of your own thoughts burdened you. the encounter with striker lingered in your mind, and you found yourself unable to shake the confusion and curiosity that it had stirred within you. his enigmatic presence and the unexpected glimpse of something that seemed like attraction left you questioning your own worth.

you sighed, berating yourself for even entertaining the notion. it was foolish to believe that someone like striker could see anything in you worth desiring. you were just an ordinary imp, with nothing special to offer. your heart sank as you wondered if you would ever find a sense of belonging or acceptance in this twisted world.

you couldn't help but notice the curious glances and leering stares directed your way. it was no secret that hell was a place of lawlessness and chaos, and unwanted attention was a common occurrence for imps like yourself.

as you continued on your path, a group of rough-looking demons, both men and women, approached you with menacing smirks. they seemed to take delight in making you uncomfortable, their eyes tracing over your form in an unsettling manner.

"hey there, little imp," one of the men sneered, his voice filled with contempt. "what's someone like you doing here all alone?"

you tried to walk past them, wanting nothing to do with their games. "i'm not interested. just let me be," you replied, your voice steady but your heart racing with anxiety.

the demons laughed, finding your reaction amusing. "aw, look at this sad little thing," one of the women taunted, stepping closer to you. "what's the matter? can't handle a little attention?"

you felt a hand reaching out to grab your arm, and your heart sank with dread. before they could touch you, however, the door to a nearby building swung open, and striker emerged from within. his presence seemed to startle the group, and they took a step back, wary of the infamous cowboy.

striker's gaze narrowed as he looked at the group, his voice cold and filled with disdain. "what are you pests bothering em' for?" he spat, a dangerous glint in his eyes.

the demons hesitated, seemingly aware of striker's reputation. "we were just having some fun," one of the men stammered, trying to sound nonchalant.

striker scoffed, his disdain evident. "fun? with someone like them?" he gestured towards you, and you couldn't help but feel a pang of hurt at his words. "pathetic."

you were taken aback by his harsh assessment of you, feeling a mix of anger and embarrassment. striker barely knew you, and yet he had no qualms about belittling you in front of others.

"i don't need your help," you said defiantly, trying to muster some courage. "i can handle myself."

striker's lip curled into a mocking smile. "handle yourself?" he chuckled darkly. "please, darlin', you're nothin'. can't even protect yourself in a place like this."

you felt a surge of anger at his words, but you knew he was right. you were no match for the dangers of hell, and you hated that he could see your vulnerability so clearly.

striker's gaze lingered on you for a moment longer before he turned away, dismissing the group with a wave of his hand. "get lost," he growled, and the demons quickly scattered, not daring to defy him.

you couldn't help but watch striker's retreating form, feeling a mix of curiosity and unease. how did he know you were there? was he following you? it seemed unlikely, but you couldn't shake the feeling that he had been keeping an eye on you, even from a distance.

"wait!" you called out to him, your voice surprising even yourself. striker turned around, his eyebrow raised in mild surprise. you took a hesitant step closer, still unsure of how to approach him.

"why did you help me?" you asked, your voice tinged with genuine confusion. "i mean, you think i'm weak and all, so why bother?"

striker chuckled darkly, his eyes never leaving yours. "well, darlin', just 'cause i think you're weak don't mean i wanna see you get yourself into trouble," he drawled, a hint of something unreadable in his expression.

you furrowed your brow, trying to understand his logic. "so you helped me out of pity?" you asked, your tone a mix of indignation and skepticism.

"pity ain't the word i'd use," he replied, taking a step closer to you. "let's just say i got my reasons."

you couldn't decipher the meaning behind his words, and the mystery of it all only served to frustrate you further. "well, thanks, i guess," you mumbled, feeling a bit awkward and unsure of how to react to his sudden protectiveness.

striker gave you a small smirk, a glimmer of amusement in his eyes. "don't mention it, weaklin''," he said, his tone laced with a strange mixture of mockery and something else that you couldn't quite put your finger on.

as you turned to leave, you couldn't help but glance back at striker, who was now leaning against a nearby wall, watching you with that same unreadable expression. the cowboy hat on his head cast a shadow over his sharp features, and you couldn't help but notice how striking he looked, despite his rough and ruthless demeanor.

he smirked at your lingering gaze, as if he knew exactly what you were thinking. "somethin' botherin' you, darlin'?" he called out, his drawl sending shivers down your spine.

you quickly averted your eyes, feeling a mix of embarrassment and annoyance. "no, it's nothing," you replied, trying to sound casual.

striker pushed himself off the wall and sauntered towards you, his movements exuding confidence and power. "well, if you say so," he said, his voice low and teasing.

you couldn't help but feel a strange pull towards him, despite your better judgment. there was something magnetic about striker that both intrigued and intimidated you.

"look, i don't need your help or your pity," you said, trying to sound strong and resolute.

striker chuckled, the sound sending a shiver down your spine. "who said anythin' about pity? i ain't here to hold your hand, sweetheart," he said, his tone teasing and mocking.

you gritted your teeth, frustrated by his words and the effect they had on you. "then what do you want from me?" you demanded, feeling a mix of defiance and vulnerability.

striker's smirk widened, and he took a step closer to you, invading your personal space. "well, that's the question now, ain't it?" he said, his eyes locking onto yours.

you felt your heart race and your breath catch in your throat. you were torn between wanting to push him away and wanting to stay close to him, to unravel the enigma that was striker.

but before you could say anything else, striker straightened up and put some distance between you. "guess you'll have to figure that out for yourself," he said cryptically.

as you stood there, still trying to process what he just said, you felt a chill run down your spine. his intense gaze bore into you, making you feel exposed and vulnerable.

"you know'," striker drawled, his voice low and gravelly, "you're a real piece of work. so lost and pitiful, it's almost endearing."

you bristled at his words, feeling a mix of anger and humiliation rise within you. "i don't need you," you retorted, trying to muster up some courage in the face of his intimidating presence.

striker's smirk only grew wider, and he took a step closer, invading your personal space. "who said anything about needin' me?" he said, his voice dripping with arrogance. "i just find it entertaining to watch someone like you stumble around in this hellhole."

you clenched your fists, resisting the urge to snap back at him. he was right, in a way. you were lost, unsure of your place in hell, and feeling utterly out of your depth. but you refused to show any weakness in front of striker, even if his words were cutting deep.

"look, i don't know what your deal is, but i don't need your commentary," you said, trying to sound defiant despite the tremor in your voice.

striker chuckled, seemingly amused by your defiance. "feisty, i like that," he said, his eyes never leaving yours. "but trust me, you're better off sticking close to someone like me. this place can chew you up and spit you out before you even realize what's happening."

as striker walked away, his tall and imposing figure seemed to loom over the surroundings, leaving you feeling both relieved and unnerved by his departure. you couldn't deny the strange mix of emotions swirling inside you—fear, fascination, and a hint of attraction that you couldn't quite comprehend.

taking a deep breath, you shook your head, trying to clear your thoughts.

before you knew it, your feet were carrying you in the direction he had gone. you weren't sure what you were expecting to find, but you felt a strange compulsion to continue the conversation. maybe you could get some answers from him, figure out why he was so interested in you, or even why he seemed to enjoy playing with your emotions.

as you rounded a corner, you spotted him leaning against a wall, his straw of wheat still hanging from his mouth. his sharp yellow eyes locked onto yours as you approached, and a smirk tugged at the corner of his lips.

"look who's back for more," he said, his voice smooth and taunting. "couldn't stay away, huh?"

you bristled at his condescending tone but refused to back down. "i just wanna know what your game is," you replied, trying to sound confident even as your heart pounded in your chest.

striker chuckled, seemingly amused by your bravado. "game? i don't play games, darlin'," he said, his eyes never leaving yours. "i'm just drawn to... interesting things."

his words sent a shiver down your spine, and you couldn't help but wonder what he meant by "interesting things." was he talking about you? and if so, why? what did he see in you that made him want to keep you close?

you took a step closer, the curiosity overwhelming the fear that still lingered in the back of your mind. "why me?" you asked, your voice trembling slightly. "what do you want from me?"

striker's smirk widened, and he tilted his head, studying you as if you were a puzzle he was trying to solve. "you're different," he said cryptically. "most imps in this place are so predictable, so easy to read. but you... you're a mystery, and i do love a good mystery."

you felt a blush creeping up your cheeks, both flattered and unnerved by his words. you were confused though, you were just a boring, regular imp. there was nothing interesting about you.

but you couldn't let yourself be swayed by his charm. you had to remember who he was, what he was capable of. "i'm not some thing for you to play with," you said, trying to sound firm.

striker's smile faltered for a moment, his expression turning serious. "no, you're right," he said, his voice low and sincere. "i wouldn't play with something as fragile as you."

his words hit you like a punch to the gut, and you felt a surge of anger rising within you. "i'm not fragile," you spat back, refusing to show any vulnerability in front of him.

striker chuckled again, seemingly unfazed by your outburst. "maybe not," he said, his tone returning to its usual taunting lilt. "but you're certainly fascinating, and i can't help but wanna see just how far i can push you."

you narrowed your eyes at him, feeling a mix of anger and intrigue. "and what do you get out of that?" you asked, genuinely curious about his motives.

striker's smirk returned, and he leaned in closer, his face inches away from yours. "isn't it obvious?" he said, his breath hot against your skin. "i get to see you squirm, to see what makes you tick. and who knows, maybe i'll find something worth keeping around."

your heart skipped a beat at his words, the implication of his statement not lost on you. but you refused to let yourself get swept up in his games. "i'm not some toy either," you said, trying to sound defiant.

striker chuckled darkly, his eyes gleaming with mischief. "maybe not, but you're certainly fun to toy with," he said, his voice low and seductive.

you swallowed hard, feeling a strange mix of attraction and fear wash over you. you knew you should walk away, put some distance between yourself and this dangerous imp, but something kept you rooted in place.

before you could say anything else, striker straightened up, taking a step back and giving you one last lingering look. "i'll be seein' you around, darlin'," he said, tipping his hat slightly before turning and disappearing into the shadows.

you were left standing there, feeling a whirlwind of emotions swirling inside you. striker was dangerous, that much you knew, but there was something about him that drew you in, something that made you want to understand him better, even if it meant dancing dangerously close to the flames.

[angelbluediary]

Does this count as a trauma dump? I think so—I just gotta get it out of my system before bed.

It’s so wild to me what seems normal until you’re in a different stage of your life and look back and go “wtf??” like I’m doing right now remembering my sex life for years. For YEEEEARS.

I was thinking about how I’d bring him to completion every time and his responses were ALWAYS to either roll over and go to sleep, or to lay there like a corpse and watch me in the most UNsexy way possible as I struggled to finish myself (since he never, ever did). I’d be so close but unable to climax with him just lying there unresponsive, and me hyper aware of his presence, and debasing myself enough to beg him for the tiniest of touches to help. Literally begging for fingertips brushing my hipbone (and I know now, what I was really begging for was a connection. To not feel like some uninteresting late night show he was watching with only half a mind. He made me feel so awkward). And I was denied every time, right up to the moment he made some crude joke or poked me until I became upset enough to switch off my vibrator, ONLY THEN would he spring up like he’d won a stupid game and finally leave me alone—and at that point I’d have lost my desire to feel pleasure. After all the work of making sure he got his.

But if he went straight to sleep? And I turned my vibrator on to finish myself? Oh, he’d get annoyed.

So I started trying to get myself off with my fingers. Something I’d never been able to do in my life. And in a twisted way, his casual cruelty to me in bed resulted in me finally being desperate enough to make it happen. But I hardly remember the giddiness at accomplishing it for the first time. Mostly I remember how I’d try to lay as still and quietly as possible and how long the process would take, how I’d often get tired and give up. How I’d wake him up when I managed to get close sometimes and my motions became a little faster under the covers, and he’d move around… and get annoyed and tell me to go to sleep.

There were nights he would fall asleep right after sex and I would get out of that warm bed and take me and my vibrator to the bathroom. I’d drape a thin towel in the tub and lay there, uncomfortable and shaking so hard in the cold, trying to get myself off as fast as possible. And still feeling so incredibly awkward and shameful all the while.

Sprinkle in all the times I caught him watching porn, watching cam models, zooming in on pictures of random women’s asses while I stood talking to him after taking him out on a date I’d planned (and remembering how casually he did it while talking to me! How I only saw because he was positioned in front of a mirror). Even the times we were clearly about to have sex and I’d jump into the shower, go as fast as possible, hop out buzzing with anticipation and find him passed out in bed after watching porn and getting himself off because I obviously wasn’t worth waiting for. The way he’d choose instant cheap gratification over having ME, being with ME in the most intimate way. And every. time. I forgave him. It became normal. I hate that for me. I hate that for past me so fucking much.

And I was always open with him about trying to overcome sexual shame. How I struggled to feel pleasure yet how I longed so badly to do so. I made it known how important that journey was for me. My desire for bodily autonomy, for honoring myself and my kinks (which he thought were weird when I’d bring them up) and my sex drive.

What I never told him was how sacred sex is for me. How I was able to substitute never being brought to orgasm with the feeling of being a divine channel between him, this person I cared so much about, and the divine—that I felt like a conduit to something so beautiful and profound, and was proud to grant him that experience. All I’ve ever wanted was to feel that connection fully click into place, to have that energy reciprocated. Instead he just left me feeling drained and sad and twisted up inside all the time, and I thought the problem was somehow me for soooo long.

And now I’m celibate and the idea of having sex with other people does nothing for me :))))))

[lazywritingrockstudent]

The pained piano

I am afraid of men. They scare me. When I meet a man on the sidewalk, when I look at him and he looks at me, I ask myself if he sees me as an object and if he maybe wants to hurt me or insult me. Multiple men are even worse. They don’t have to look intimidating. They don’t have to look frightening. They just have to be men. The age doesn’t matter. Not to me.

When I was younger, I was forcefully kissed, with tongue. By a man I trusted deeply at this time. Until this day I am not able to sit next to him and not be uncomfortable. I avoid his presence and I avoid being alone with him. His personality traits repulse me, and I hate him with every fibre of my heart. But I love him too because he has a part in making me who I am and even though right now I am not proud of who I am, I know one day I will.

Three years ago, a man asked me who I was. I didn’t know him. He was a stranger in a strange city, and he asked me how I was. Weeks after this incident I lied to everyone saying I didn’t answer him. I told him my name. And then I ran because he asked me if I wanted to go with him. Some time after that another man in my hometown started talking to me and I haven’t felt this hopeless and frightened since the last time I was spoken to by a stranger. I faked a phone call and ran away again. He seemed strange in every possible meaning of the word. He knew a lot of things and he had seen a lot of the world. I knew he wasn’t a bad man. Maybe he only wanted to talk to me. But I had made a bad experience and he, like every other male, seemed like a threat to me.

A friend once told me that I may attract strangers because I looked approachable. I never thought I looked approachable. To me I looked like I wanted the world to leave me alone. Even before the first stranger.

Today I talked with a former classmate about motorcycles and Harry Potter. He said that women are worse drivers than men. I agreed with him even though I knew it was complete bullshit. I just didn’t want to disagree and fight for my opinion. I am still ashamed of myself. If I lie when it comes to such unimportant things, what will I do if it actually matters one day? Hours after this conversation I read a post about a girl and how Athena gave her strength and courage to do the right thing even though she was afraid. I currently read a book about a woman who was raped when she was 16-17 years old. I had to stop reading after at least finishing the chapter. It’s not a book about rape. It’s about feminism and power and what is wrong in our society. This morning I was at the verge of a panic attack because I thought about the forced kiss. I reined my feelings in and ignored them like I usually did.

I feel helpless.

I don’t WANT to hate the world.

I don’t WANT to hate all men.

I don’t WANT to believe that the world is a bad and dangerous place like all humans are bad and dangerous.

I fucking WANT TO BELIEVE IN THE GOOD THINGS but the world is making it unbearably difficult for me

Thinking back it all started with my first not-first kiss. From this moment on I kept seeing him as a predator who had a nasty temper, even less fucks to give about my mental health and as a representative of the male kind. I dealt with his tantrums, learned to agree with him and I learned to listened to him when he explained things to me like I was stupid and when he treated me like I was stupid and thought he could teach how the world works while insulting my whole life and what I’ve worked for so far.

He was the beginning of my end and when I get away one day, and I will, then I pray to all the gods that maybe exist, that they will leave me be without his imprint on my soul. He does not deserve this.

Ironically, he is the only person I show my texts to. My most private thoughts and feelings.

I hate myself

Can someone help me not to hate myself anymore?

[thepokyone]

Content

Pairing: Bucky Barnes x fem!Reader (ft. Sam)

Warnings: Fluff

Words: 1.5k

A/N: Hey friends! I am back with another anon request and the last of requests from the tropes prompt list I put out a while ago. This is a combo of fake dating & first kiss so I hope you all enjoy it!

"I hate going undercover," Sam grumbled, tugging at the collar of his tuxedo.

"Hey, at least this time you don't have to dress like the Smiling Tiger," Bucky said, grinning at the memory.

Sam scowled at him. "I hate that you don't look nearly as uncomfortable. I feel like I can't move."

"This isn't too off the mark from what we would wear in the forties," Bucky said, fixing his tie in the mirror. "Still a little fancier than what I was used to, though."

"Almost reminds me of a Stark party. Always had to wear ridiculous get-ups to those things," Sam said thoughtfully. "I don't miss those, I'll be honest."

"I was never invited. Not sure why," Bucky drawled. "Where's the lady of the hour? We're supposed to leave in less than ten minutes."

"Please, you know women always take forever getting ready for these things. Practically a rite of passage. You know my prom date made us an hour late?" Sam asked.

"Fortunately for all parties, I am not your prom date," you said, walking into the room. "You boys clean up nice."

"Damn, Y/N, so do you," Sam said approvingly. You were wearing a stunning, floor-length dress that seemed to catch the light and draw every eye to your form.

You smiled at him. "Thanks, Sam. And you thought I'd make you late."

"I stand corrected," he said. Bucky was still staring at you, having not yet said anything at all, and you could feel the heat rising to your cheeks.

"Let's go over the plan once more before we leave," you said, desperate to break the awkward silence that had settled over the three of you.

Sam, wearing a knowing smirk, obliged. "We'll be arriving at the gala together. Bucky will be walking in first. You and I will be following, posing as a lovestruck couple."

"Y/N is way out of your league," Bucky said, rolling his eyes. "Who's going to believe you can pull her?"

Sam made an offended noise. "What, like you could? Bucky, the only thing you can pull is a door labeled push."

"You two are ridiculous," you said. "How about I go in alone and you two go as a couple, if you're going to bicker about it."

"No way in hell," Sam said.

"I'd rather die," Bucky said. "Obviously, Y/N should be pretending to date me instead. I mean, of the two of us, I am less likely to be recognized. She'll be safer with me."

"Fine, fine. You might have a point, but there was no need to be so rude about it," Sam said, raising his hands in surrender.

"Okay, so I'm going with Bucky," you said, a statement that made your heart flip in his chest. How were you supposed to hide your feelings when you had to pretend to date him all night? It would have been far easier to pretend to be with Sam; you didn't have feelings for him.

"Right, so once we are all inside, you and Bucky will serve as the distraction so that I can slip into the office and get the documents we need. You'll need to keep the way clear until I'm done, and once I've rejoined the crowd we'll be staying for another hour before making our exit so we don't arouse suspicion," Sam said. "Should be pretty cut and dry."

"Unless everything goes horribly wrong, but we're all optimists here," Bucky quipped.

"That's right, a positive outlook. Let's get this over with," Sam said, tugging at his tie and walking out.

"After you," Bucky said, holding the door for you. He sat beside you in the car, his warmth bleeding into you, and in all truth you were glad that he would be by your side tonight, even though if it was just to show you everything you couldn't have. His presence was a comforting one.

When the car stopped, Bucky opened the door and offered a hand to help you out. "Shall we, doll?" he asked, offering his arm as a valet pulled the car away and Sam disappeared inside.

You smiled at him. "We shall."

"Names, please," requested the doorman, glancing at the both of you with bored disinterest.

"Matthew O'Bryan and Nancy Turner," Bucky said smoothly.

"Enjoy the party, remember the first drinks are free," he said, waving you inside.

"Can you believe people live like this?" Bucky murmured in your ear as the two of you stepped inside. It was a large, open ballroom with a large chandelier that winked gold as it swayed. The decorations looked as if they cost more than your monthly rent.

"Too fancy for me," you said, allowing him to steer you around the room, dodging the larger groups of people.

"Me too," he agreed. "There's Sam."

Sam had already gotten himself a drink in the short time he had been inside. "And I suggest you do the same. Drinks will help you blend in. Then go mingle, but be around to clear in ten minutes."

He slipped off into the crowd again, smiling and chatting with any and all around him. You and Bucky made your way towards the bar. "Don't understand how he does it," Bucky said with a shake of his head.

"Natural charisma," you said, ordering yourself a mixed drink. Bucky ordered a beer, and the two of you toured among the crowd as you nursed your drinks.

"Let's dance after Sam is done," Bucky said. "You look too pretty not to be out on the dance floor."

Your cheeks burned and you glanced away, biting back a smile. "If all goes well."

"Good," Bucky said, bobbing his head in an awkward nod.

Sam's voice crackled over your earpieces. "Hey lovebirds, it's about time."

"On our way," Bucky said, touching his ear discreetly in order to be heard. "Don't move in until you see us."

The first part of the plan went off without a hitch. You "accidentally" dropped your drink, sending people scattering away, and nobody was looking when Sam disappeared down the hall.

"Heading back," Sam's voice filtered over your earpieces, and his statement presented a problem, as the party's host was standing exactly where Sam was supposed to emerge any moment.

"Follow my lead," you told Bucky, leaving his side and moving quickly to the party's host, a high-ranking Russian dignitary. You made a move as if to pass, bumping your shoulder with his. "Oh, I am so sorry! I'm such a klutz, not looking where I was going; the room is such a beautiful place to take in."

He smiled, pleased at the flattery, and gently grasped your elbow to keep you from flitting away. The man he was talking to looked briefly annoyed until Bucky stole his attention, the two wandering back towards the rest of the crowd. "No apologies needed, when a woman as beautiful as yourself is making them."

You giggled, placing a hand on his arm. "Allow me to at least make it up to you."

"How about a dance," he suggested as the music changed. "I do love this song and it would be made better with you as a partner."

"Sounds wonderful," you said, allowing him to lead you on to the dance floor. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Sam slip back into the party and breathed a silent sigh of relief.

The Russian held you a little too close, so you had no choice but to rest your head on his chest if you wanted to uphold your cover, but was otherwise respectful.

"May I cut in?" Bucky asked once the music changed again, voice cool.

"Certainly," The Russian said, placing a kiss to your knuckles. "Thank you for a lovely dance."

"No, thank you," you said, giving him a charming smile and taking Bucky's hand.

Bucky immediately drew you to him, arm wrapping around your waist. "Little warning would have been nice, you know. I wanted to rip his hands off."

"All part of the cover, Buck." Your voice was warm and you squeezed his hand. "Keep talking like that and I might think you were jealous."

"And what if I was?" He asked quietly, only just louder than the music. The two of you seemed trapped within your own private bubble, as if the rest of the world had melted away.

"You were jealous?" You asked.

He pressed his forehead to yours, noses brushing. "Of course I was. Why do you think I fought so hard to be your date tonight instead of Sam?"

"You said why."

"No, I didn't," Bucky said. "I wanted to take you because I couldn't bear to see you pretending to be in love with another man. At least this way I would get to know what it's like, if only for a night."

"And if I wasn't pretending?" You asked, hyperaware of how close your lips were, how his thumb was rubbing rhythmic circles on your hip, how you could feel the coolness of metal through the gloved hand whose fingers were twined with yours.

His lips brushed against yours, gentle and warm, over almost as soon as it had begun. "I would do that."

"I wasn't pretending," you whispered and his lips met yours again, mouths fitting together perfectly as your hand ran up his arm to the back of his neck.

He let out a sigh against your lips, perfectly content, the two of you still swaying to the music. "Neither was I."

[thebadboyfanclub]

You Are My Light (Rio x Reader)

Hey, so I'm super excited for this cause I haven't written for Rio in so long. Enjoy!

Rio was a tough cookie, a man of crime which only meant he was surrounded but those types of people. When he had met Beth back in the day he was intrigued because her life was so different from his, so... Colorless and grim, a life of routines and packed sandwiches. For a while it was fun to shake up her life, until she became like all the others in his cycle, greedy for power and sneaky, now she was "his girl" which meant she was his fall person, gave her the keys and put her name so if anything goes wrong she can be the one to take the blow.

"Alright little man today is mother's day, you gotta pick the best flowers for mama"

Rio said to his son as they stood in the flower shop, Marcus was going all around the shop, dragging the man that worked there with him so he can point out which flowers he wanted.

"Your son has a great eye for arranging a bouquet"

"He's a momma's boy that's why"

At that the phone rang. The man went to pick it up and it seemed to be important, he covered the phone and yelled a name, then she came out. A girl with hair falling on her face and wearing an apron

"Yes"

"Can you fix the bouquet for the gentleman? I need to take this"

"Umm o-ok"

Rio was interested as soon as he saw her, her soft spoken voice was barely above a whisper as she approached the counter top and clearly tried to avoid eye contact. Her hands were not that steady but she seemed to know what she was doing, rio thought that she was acting like this because she wasn't comfortable doing it in front of a crowd. As she was finishing up she finally looked up to him but only for a quick second as she bit the inside of her cheek to look back down.

"It's ummm 30$ s-sir"

Rio smiled at her shy demeanor it felt like a century had passed from the last time he had met somebody so timid, it was mesmerizing to him. He gave her the money and then passed the bouquet to Marcus who seemed super excited for this purchase and the creation he had made

"Excuse me miss, may I ask your name?"

"(Y-y/n)... Sir"

"Call me Rio, I'll see you around sweetheart"

-

After that Rio came to the flower shop every day to buy a single white Rose and every day (y/n) found one waiting on her cars windshield with a note that always said "you looked beautiful today. To say she was flattered was an understatement, one side of hers was thrilled that such a handsome man was showing interest in her, the other was surprised that a man as confident and as determined as he was had decided to take the time and pursue her in such romantic way. After two weeks of roses he had waited to give her the rose in person along with the proposal of a date.

That's when he found out she wasn't comfortable with anyone in general, it wasn't about his presence that made her shy, she was like that with everyone. After a while he felt the need to be the one to take care of her, protect her in any way, even if that was making an order for her at the restaurant while she scooted closer to him and held the him of his shirt to feel secure.

"I'm going to the bathroom"

"Ok mama"

Rio said as (y/n) left him at the bar, it was Rios birthday so they had gone to a bar to celebrate. She finally had a reason to wear the midi white satin dress Rio had bought her, she had to admit it looked beautiful and she slowly came to the realization that Rio had connected her with the color white. As she reached out her arm to open the bathroom door a man grabbed her arm to stop her

"Hello gorgeous"

She felt like somebody threw cold water at her, she froze on her spot while the man smiled at her in a way she could tell was not just friendly. (Y/n) immediately looked down as she took a step back to get some distance from the man.

"Did I scare you? I'm sorry I just wanted to know who you are"

"I-i"

"She is taken"

Her head shot at the direction her boyfriends voice came. She didn't even realize that she was walking to him and then proceeded to stand behind him, hiding away from the man that had scared her. She grabbed his shirt and leaned in to him as she tried to stop her legs from shaking.

"I didn't know she was mute"

"She is not, she just talks to people that respect her personal space"

Rio thankfully had seen the scene go down and in a blink of an eye and out of pure instinct he had shot out of his chair and basically ran to (y/n). The man wasn't already laying at the ground for disrespecting her because he knew how upset (y/n) would get. She hated any type of fighting and even after dating for so long (y/n) didn't really know what Rio's occupation was, he didn't want her to be scared of him.

"I don't want no trouble man"

"Yet you tried to put your hands on a woman, see where I'm from that means you are asking for trouble"

Rio stood proudly in front of his woman as he could feel (y/n)s shaky breath on his neck. The man looked uncomfortable and a little bit scared, just how she felt before Rio stepped in. All Rio could think about was how this scene might have played if he wasn't there and that angered him even more. He might be a man of the night and balls deep into illegal things but he respected two rules "you don't touch women and you don't touch children" unless you trynna see God.

"(Y/n) go back to our spot please"

"I-"

"(Y/n)!.... I'm sorry, go and wait for me ok baby?"

He didn't mean to yell at her, he just wanted to shield her from seeing his ugly side. So he turned around and placed and gentle kiss on the top of her head before (y/n) walked away, as soon as her back was turned and she had made a few steps he pulled the guy into the man's bathroom and slammed his back against the wall.

"What's your name?"

"Jason Adams"

"Now you listen here, by an hour I will know every detail about you. If I find out you ain't keeping your hands to yourself again... You won't even hear the knock on the door. Got it?"

"Ok"

At that Rio let him go, the guy let out a huff and turned to the sink to splash some water on his face. As Rio turned to leave, (y/n) came to his mind, how scared she was and the sound of her breath as she hid behind him.

"On another thought"

Rio said and grabbed the guys head, with one swift powerful movement his forehead got smashed to the sink, the sound was deafening and after that the guy was unconscious, Rio knew he wasn't dead so he just fixed his collared shirt and walked out of the bathroom.

(Y/n) was sitting down looking at something on her phone, Rio knew she would pull out her phone went she was alone as a defense machenism to hide from the world. As he approached he gave her a big hug that she very much needed. She felt her muscles relax as she took in his cologne, she closed her eyes to fully let go of her worries and feel safe once again as her man was here. She looked up and smiled at him, feeling the warm sensation of serenity taking over her.

"Thank you"

"Don't ever thank me for protecting you, I am here for that"

She smiled even brighter as Rio leaned in to give her a gentle, intimate kiss on her painted lips. She was his source of purity in this love, this warm light that showed him what it feels like to surrender to love, to fully know that the person next you could never harm you or anyone else.

"You are my light"

[writer-monster]

11 reasons why cap 4 should reintroduce Bucky Barnes as the love interest, an essay

to start this off, i am not writing this essay from a shipping place nor do i believe that this would have any influence at all over the upcoming movie. i expect nothing. this is simply something that i would personally like to see. (of course no hate to anybody who thinks differently)

here are 11 reasons why i think making Bucky into Sam Wilson's love interest in Cap 4 would be a good move for Disney.

-

1. on the Chinese film market - and why it's an irrelevant argument against the inclusion of homosexual themes in Cap 4

the Chinese film market is something that has been blamed for a lack of diversity in Hollywood films a lot lately. many people claim that this market with a lot of buying power has been responsible for the lack of gay and black representation in particular within Hollywood films.

and we have certainly seen Hollywood treating it as such, going so far as to cut gay scenes from movies for their Chinese releases, and vastly minimising John Boyega's (a black actor's) presence in the Chinese poster of Star Wars The Force Awakens.

[image ID: on the left is an image of the American poster for Star Wars The Force Awakens, featuring John Boyega prominently on the right-hand side. And on the right is the Chinese poster for the same movie, in which John Boyega is barely visible.]

so we know at the very least that Disney believes this through their own actions and efforts to self-censor for the different markets.

but Captain America 4 is a black-led movie, don't you forget. and Disney can't minimise Sam Wilson/Anthony Mackie in the movie or the poster because it's his movie and his poster. and no amount of creativity in the editing room can change that (thank God!).

so if by their own argument the film is already going to be either banned, panned or slammed in China... then what do they have to fear from making it a gay movie too?

-

2. oh, the queerbaiting

queerbaiting is an unusual cultural idea. and sometimes i find myself thinking that the term is far too easily used, but then all of a sudden i will stumble upon a movie or show that is so quintessentially cruel and overt in it's... well... queerbaiting that i will start to wonder what the hell kind of a bizarre relationship all these straight people seem to have with their friends. take Troy and Abed from Community or John and Sherlock from Sherlock as the perfect examples of this. (in which my reaction to the show's creators saying the show wasn't gay was to ask so then why did you make it so gay?!)

i felt that Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes in tfatws were getting quite close to this level of queerbaiting.

there was the field scene, the couple's counselling scene, the boat scene, the couple's counselling scene, Bucky going with Sam to face Karli when she told Sam to come alone, the couple's counselling scene, ALL the staring scenes, Sam checking out Bucky's ass here as they said goodbye, the "i would move in with him but" hidden scene, "Uncle Bucky" showing up at the cookout scene, the romantic walking off together into the sunset together ending scene, and the couple's counselling scene. did i forget anything? but i mean seriously, the couple's counselling scene!!! that thing they did with their legs and their crotches while staring deep into each other's eyes, would any straight guy willingly do that? do straight guys crotch-snuggle now?

[image ID: an image of Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes during the therapy scene with the quote, "Isn't anybody going to drag me into impromptu couple's therapy and slot my legs firmly between theirs before staring deeply into my eyes?"]

(yeah i stole this image from a buzzfeed article on the fan reactions to the couple's therapy scene. but given that they stole 80% of the content of that article from fandom tumblr, i think it's pretty even-steven.)

there's also the fact that people started talking about bisexual Bucky Barnes a lot after the tiger pictures line, and the lead writer Malcom Spellman responded to the talk of Bucky's bisexuality with "just keep watching". well we watched, Malcolm. but it's beginning to feel like you were just jerking us around.

-

3. the writing

seriously though, what else is Bucky Barnes doing right now in the MCU? his only remaining connection to anything going on right now is through Sam. there is literally nothing else established that's left for him to do that doesn't involve Sam. he moved to Louisiana to be closer to Sam (canonically), he hangs out with Sam's family (canonically), and Steve is presumably gone and is definitely not coming back for more adventures.

he has no villains or loose ends left. he has no other superheroes that he appears to be in contact with. he has no girlfriend or potential love interest, or even other friends or family. he is living in a tent that he has secretly set up in Sam's backyard and is mysteriously appearing from the bushes when it's time for dinner like a stray cat.

in my opinion there is no other meaningful and pre-established progression for Bucky's character that wouldn't just feel cheap.

plus, i don't think the general audience would be all that surprised if they kissed. i think a LOT of people picked up on all that tension. i think a lot of straight people picked up on all that tension too.

-

4. the chemistry between the actors & the chemistry between the characters

the original pitch for tfatws was essentially just this, it was the chemistry between Sebastian Stan and Anthony Mackie and their respective MCU characters of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson.

now obviously Anthony and Sebastian are simply friends, and i wouldn't mean to imply anything more. but they are also not their characters.

Sam and Bucky's scenes together before tfatws were both limited and short, and yet audiences still fell in love with the dynamic between the two characters.

in interviews, these two actors are constantly slipping into character and flirting with each other and frankly it's adorable. plus it's really entertaining. i'd love to see that dynamic, unfiltered, in a movie.

because believe it or not the flirting is actually even more open in their interviews than it was in tfatws. and i'm leaving some links as proof.

this here is known as the "married" compilation

and here's a "lucky dip" selection of interviews - 1, 2, 3, 4, 5,

and here's Anthony trying to get Seb to take his jacket off.

i'm just saying, why not let their chemistry shine? these two are so talented and so entertaining, especially when you put them in a room together. and can you imagine how absolutely hilarious and brilliant it would be to watch them navigate being a couple?

(and for those who bring up the "friends would be uncomfortable pretending to be dating" argument, i'm not here asking for a sex scene or anything. i don't think anyone would expect them to show any more intimacy (physical or emotional) while playing a couple than what they've already shown together in say... tfatws or in their own interviews. not that i actually expect anything regardless.)

-

5. if they were a man and a woman they would've gotten together in tfatws

i have no more to add here. just that... yeah, they would've.

-

6. and i'm not talking about the comics here, i'm talking about the MCU.

i understand fully that none of what i'm saying here falls in line with these characters from the comics. but the mcu itself doesn't fall much in line with the comics either, and these two characters especially are very different from their comics counterparts.

i'm not asking for these two to get together in the comics. tbh i don't think that it would work.

but the mcu Sam and Bucky are different and closer than their comics counterparts. they've got different histories, different backstories, and a very different dynamic. please rest assured that i am only talking about them in the mcu.

-

7. Bucky Barnes is believably bisexual. and Sam Wilson has never been proven to be straight in the mcu, nor has he had a love interest.

(now please continue to keep in mind that these points only stand for the mcu versions of Bucky Barnes and Sam Wilson, and not at all for their comics counterparts.)

Sam Wilson has never had a love interest, which is crazy because have you seen that man! he has had two blink and you'll miss it moments of verbal expression of attraction to women, both in TWS. and that's the extent of it, through his entire history in the mcu.

Bucky Barnes has had a number of surface-level female love interests, but none of them even came close to the level of connection and chemistry that Bucky shares with Sam.

and i'm sorry SarahBucky fans, but i just don't think there's very much to their relationship either. i love Sarah, i really do. but it's Sam who shares all the meaningful moments and history and chemistry with Bucky. and i don't see what making her into a love interest would do for Sarah's character either, what would that add to her story?

[Picture ID: Bucky at the cookout with Sam, Sarah, Cass and AJ. Bucky and Sam are looking at each other and smiling.]

and also there is the whole tiger pictures thing... again. which does strongly suggest that Bucky is bisexual whether this was intentional on behalf of the writers or not.

-

8. it's representation... AND it feels natural

marvel hasn't had a lot of queer representation that's been noticeably present in the MCU at the time of writing this.

there have been a lot of failures so far, from the bisexual erasure of Valkyrie in Thor Ragnarok to the wlw erasure in Black Panther.

there was queerbaiting almost identical to the bisexual Bucky baiting for Guardians of the Galaxy Vol 2. when asked if he had considered featuring a gay hero in gotg2, director James Gunn stated that "We might have already done that. I say, watch the movie." after the movie's release audiences were understandably confused about the lack of queer representation. To which the director followed up his comments with, "But we don't really know who's gay and who's not. It could be any of them."

there is also Loki, considered by most fans after the airing of his six episode series on Disney+ to be both a poor attempt at both genderfluid representation and bisexual representation. with both attempts being summed up fairly well by the term "blink-and-you'll-miss-it". (also it's just terribly written and Loki doesn't wear any interesting clothes! fanficcers are a Goddamn blessing in this hard time!)

and let us not forget that Andrew Garfield was apparently FIRED for pushing for a bisexual spiderman. a bisexual spiderman within an interracial mlm relationship no less.

so for all these failures, marvel, why not allow us queer fans this? two brilliant and heroic men in a loving interracial relationship. two heroes that we can look up to.

now, one of the biggest detractions from the argument for representation is the idea of "forced diversity". and some poorly written characters certainly do end up feeling forced into the narrative. take Iceman in the comics for example, with Jean Grey just straight up suddenly telling him he's gay. like, marvel, sweetie, that's not how this works! and i don't know a lot of queer people who thought much of that "representation".

but the crux of the "forced diversity" argument is almost always that it feels unnatural within the story, right? and i don't think that anyone could say that about MCU Sam and Bucky ending up together, given these characters' existing chemistry and their history. they've both played characters in gay relationships before so we know that it's not outside of either actor's wheelhouse. and y'all know that Anthony and Seb can act, people. if it's in the script i believe that they'll make it seem like the most natural thing on earth.

-

9. it'd be a nice change

there's been an ongoing meme lately about "Disney's first gay character", the joke being that they continually announce gay characters without really ever including gay characters in their films.

this is to the point where Disney has formed a reputation amongst queer audiences of being homophobic.

if Sam and Bucky were to become a couple, then Disney could have its first actual gay character within a gay relationship. AND have him be in the lead of his own movie, no less.

it's also worth keeping in mind that there's likely an overlap between the people who were outraged by a Sam Wilson Captain America, and the people who'd be outraged by a gay Captain America. and if they were already not seeing the film, then i don't think much is gonna change that.

queer audiences would definitely love it, and the media attention would be guaranteed to be huge. i mean, simply look at the amount of media attention mere rumours of a character's queerness gets you and multiply that by a canon confirmation of said rumours.

but i'm pretty sure that Disney already knows this.

-

10. and yet, in truth, it's not about the representation

in truth i've never felt that i had any trouble relating to characters of any sexual orientation, race, gender, sex, body type, etc. (although that is not to throw any shade at all on people who do wish to see themselves represented) but for me, i think it's more about the story than the packaging.

and yet, a love story is still just a story. straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial. when two characters have chemistry and history and have sacrificed for each other time and time again, and they also can't keep their hands or their eyes off each other, then i'm pretty sure that that's a love story.

straight or queer, monoethnic or interracial, it shouldn't be about these simple labels. it should be about how well written the relationship is. it should be about chemistry, and history, and sacrifice.

because i'm fucking sick of all the hollow, forced romances in media no matter the genders of the participants. i'm sick of lazily written, shallow relationships where any two people sharing the same space for any extended period of time will simply fall in love. it's boring, it's repetitive, and as a writer myself it drives me up the wall!

romance stories suck! and everyone knows that romance stories suck. between twilight, and most of the entire YA genre, and love triangles (so boring), and romance used as poorly-written throwaway subplots in Hollywood movies, the world is in agreement that the romance in western media is simply dreadful. and yet we still want love stories. it's an entire genre that sits at the heart of the human experience (<3), and yet one which so few of today's best known writers seem truly able to capture.

i don't think that i'm the only one who feels this way, either. i suspect it's actually a large part of why fandom is so romance-centred in the first place, that we're all just starving for a good love story.

(btw i think fandom has a reputation for being something that as a whole that it is not. it has this reputation for straight up demanding things and harassing people until they get their way. while unfortunately there are a few people who do this, they're fucking annoying and i swear that they're far from the majority.

in my experience fandom is mostly about writing a five thousand word story at three am while drunk off your ass because it might make someone whom you've never met smile, editing it in the cold light of day, and then posting it. expecting nothing. sometimes getting nothing. and sometimes getting someone send you kudos or a comment so heartbreakingly wonderful that it makes you smile in return.)

-

11. so once again, it is all about the writing.

i want to see Sam and Bucky get together in the mcu, not because they would be a gay couple but because i genuinely believe that their story has potential to be an amazing love story.

and i know the mcu isn't about the romance. it's why in my personal opinion we haven't gotten a lot of good canon romances besides Peter Quill and Gamora. and i don't think that the mcu should be all about the romance either. i fucking love the action and the fighting scenes. i love the comedy. Captain America: The Winter Soldier had no romance and it was a fucking treasure, it was an amazing spy-action-thriller and it made my little gay heart dance. Thor Ragnarok had no romance, and it was an utterly brilliant comedic spectacle action film. not every movie needs romance.

but mcu Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes were doing couple's therapy and fixing a boat and walking off into the sunset together in tfatws. they were inseparable on the battlefield. they've got a dynamic. it's beautiful, it's romantic, and it's gold.

a budding relationship between them in the next movie would be a good way to explore both characters more without the narrative feeling too stilted and separate. at the end of tfatws, both Sam and Bucky fans found that their respective fave felt somewhat underutilised and that their characters were underexplored.

now, that problem would be even more difficult to remedy in a movie, because the plotline of a movie needs to be really tight to work (giggity). and we know that the central conflict of the movie is gonna be action-based (which is good), but we still need each character's personal journey and growth to tie into the main conflict. (which is another issue that some fans found with tfatws, that these characters didn't really feel connected to the action-based plot on a more personal level.)

if Sam and Bucky are already in a relationship, however, this whole dynamic changes. first, their relationship has already been set up for nicely since TWS and through tfatws and they would officially be the best-fleshed-out couple in the mcu. but most importantly, a relationship gives them a perfect vehicle to explore both of their pasts comparatively and connect them personally to the action-based plot.

do you want to establish that Sam is a little too trusting and naïve? then establish this through his relationship with Bucky, and through showing his placing his trust in Bucky. (rather than through having him sympathise with a villain who threatened to murder his sister and his nephews).

perhaps you want to show Bucky recovering from his trauma? show us how comfortable he is with Sam. they get along, they're enjoying each other's presence, we see more of Sam's life and of his family, and then let Bucky tell Sam something that's raw and dark and honest about his life as The Winter Soldier. something about a memory, one that he only just recalled. he's opening up. and maybe what he tells Sam is even something that sets up the future action-based conflict, to ground that in something real.

you want to explore that Sam has trauma too? do this through Bucky. he tells Bucky a story about his time in the military. in the form of a flashback, he shares his own story of loss to evoke before the audience the shared theme of feeling at fault even when you're simply a helpless bystander to an act of pure destruction.

then, action sequence! and it's directly connected to Bucky's time as the Winter Soldier. explore the grief of someone whose life the Winter Soldier tore apart manifesting into a villain perpetuating the cycle of pain. establish your villain.

Later, Sam is dragged into battle against this villain for protecting Bucky. But Bucky doesn't want Sam to protect him. He feels guilt for what he can't control and he doesn't want Sam getting hurt because of him. Bucky reminds Sam that he has a family, one who needs him and who loves him. He tells him to go home.

Sam reminds Bucky that he's a part of that family. And that sure Sam's a hero and his job is to protect anyone and everyone, but that he's doing it because he wants to. It's not simply to prove that he can, or to prove that he's not a bystander (this connects to Sam's trauma here), but that he's doing it to help people.

and this gets Bucky thinking about who he is and what he's doing here. is he a hero who stands by Sam's side? or is he an ordinary man who stands aside? or perhaps, does he stand alone? what does he stand for? Maybe Sam knows. But does Bucky?

Sam and Bucky fight off the villain again, and for the first time Bucky meets this adversary face to face. And Bucky recognises this villain, and has a flashback to the genuine pain that he inflicted upon them in the form of the Winter Soldier. Bucky freezes mid-fight, he almost dies, and Sam has to save him.

Sam chews Bucky out for almost getting killed because he was afraid for him. but Bucky takes this the wrong way and goes off to fight the villain alone, or perhaps to die alone, he's not quite sure.

He puts up a half-hearted fight. He apologises for what the Winter Soldier has done, and he waits for the killing blow, when Sam swoops down and he saves him. He asks Sam why he saved him and Sam calls him a moron. And then, Sam asks him what sacrificing himself would solve. He tells him that you can't choose your past but you can choose your future (connecting to his own experience of loss and guilt and grief). And that no matter what Bucky Barnes still has a future, whether that's as the Winter Soldier or the White Wolf or just some dork with a day job. And that he has a future as a part of Sam's family too.

Sam fights the villain, and it's toe to toe. He delivers a few good blows, but receives a fair few himself. And then the villain tears off his wings, first one and then the other, in a manner reminiscent of what the Winter Soldier did to him in TWS. Through Bucky's eyes there's a flashback to highlight the parallels. Sam gets back on his feet and he fights his best fight, but is now losing.

And then the heavily injured Bucky steps up and fights by Sam's side, and only together do they take down the villain.

"So... I inspired you, huh?" Sam teases with a smile, utterly exhausted. "With my heroism and-"

"You inspired me." Bucky said, equally exhausted. "Let's leave it at that."

Together, Sam and Bucky go back to the safety and warmth of their family. Sam fixes his wings. Sam goes back to being Captain America. And Bucky... he's around, but it's unclear what he's doing.

That is, until the very end. When Sam is in a fight, and suddenly Bucky shows up and helps him out.

"What are you doing here?" Sam asks.

"I've made up my mind." Bucky says. "I'm the Winter Soldier. But now I'll save lives, Sam. Now, like you, I'll be a hero."

Sam smirks. "So does this make you my sidekick, then?"

Bucky smiles. "C'mon, at least make me a partner." He says.

"How about co-workers." Sam says (in flashback, he remembers back to the death of his last on-the-job partner).

"How about friends." Bucky says, with a wry look.

"Bucky... I don't want to see you put your dumbass self in danger." Sam says.

"Oh, and it's ok for you to go running off into danger on your own all the time?" Bucky asks.

"Yes." Sam says stubbornly. "Absolutely it is."

"Why?"

"Because I'm not a dumbass?!"

"Sam, if you think I'm not gonna be watching your back for the rest of time... then you're the biggest dumbass I know. And I don't care if you need me or not, I will be there for you."

"Because Sam, you're more than Captain America. You're more than a good soldier. You're a good man. And I think sometimes, the world forgets what the difference is."

-

...or something like that.

(i only spent like 15 minutes on that. you know if i were actually writing this movie i would come up with something much better. and if anyone from marvel is seeing this, yes i can come work for you. i will make the time, let's do this thing right!)

-

finale

at the end of the day, whether or not the mcu chooses to make Sam Wilson and Bucky Barnes a couple, it's their decision. and they don't owe me anything.

i'm just some random person on the internet. who thinks that Captain America 4 should #givecaptainamericaaboyfriend

[latte-fairytaekwoon]

Let Me Love You (Jeong Yunho and Song Mingi)

Pairing: Jeong Yunho × Plus sized! Reader (Female) × Song Mingi

Genre: Smut, Fluff, Angst

Summary: After finding out their girlfriend has been feeling insecure about her body, Mingi and Yunho take matters into their own hands to remind her that she is beautiful.

Word Count: 4.5+K

Warnings: Body insecurities (remember you are beautiful just the way you are), poly relationship, oral (female receiving), fingering, multiple orgasms (female receiving), unprotected sex (always use protection). (This was utter trash)

Taglist: @little-precious-baby @multidreams-and-desires @galaxteez @yunhofingers @yunhoiseyecandy @brie02 @deja-vux @couchpotatoaniki @daniblogs164 @a-soft-hornytiny @nanamarkie @minhyukmyluv @yunsangoveryonder

Special requested by @monbaebes

ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ

Watching her favorite boys play around on the seashore, Y/N chuckled softly as she returned her gaze on the fruit in front of her. Picking up a small knife, she carefully began peeling some of the mangoes, apples and other of the juicy produce they had brought with them. Meanwhile she focused on making sure they had something to replenish their energy with, one of her lovers was concentrated on building a rather complicated architecture with the sand under his feet. Slowly but surely, the castle was beginning to take form and the man couldn't be much happier or pleased than seeing his masterpiece come to life.

"Mingi, think fast!" The other tall male shouted as he tossed the beach ball he was holding in the other's direction.

Mingi's naturally small eyes widened significantly as he witnessed his creation crumble down due to the impact of the beach ball colliding on top of it.

"Oops! Sorry bud!" The culprit grimaced as he saw the result of his little trick.

Immediately standing up, Mingi began chasing after his friend.

"I'm going to kill you Yunho!" He threatened, Yunho running and taking cover behind the oblivious girl who saw nothing that took place.

"What in the world?" She looked back and forth between the two guys.

Pointing an accusatory finger at him, Mingi let out a huff.

"He destroyed my sand castle that I was working so hard on!" He exclaimed.

"I didn't mean to." Yunho defended himself.

Not wanting them to get into a silly fight during their vacation, Y/N began to calm them both down.

"Come on you guys, you're making a scene over things kids would argue over. Seriously, this is why we hardly go out."

Hearing her displeased tone, the boys quickly straightened up their act and decided to just let it go. Seeing the delicious fruit in front of them, the young men sat at opposite sides of Y/N and dug into the food. She was grateful she opted for packing plenty of fruit given how much her boyfriends ate. She sometimes wondered if it was because they were so tall or because their stomachs were a bottomless pit. She decided a long time ago that it was probably a combination of the two.

As they enjoyed their snacks while enjoying the view in front of them, Y/N's wandering eyes soon locked themselves on the two women sitting not far from them. Although she wanted to look away before any negative thoughts clouded her mind, she couldn't help but admire their long, slim legs, their small waists and flat tummies. She envied their shape that they confidently showed off in their revealing and sensual bikinis, making more than a few heads turn in their direction to rake their eyes on their glamorous bodies. And there she was, feeling too big in her cami top and shorts.

Looking away with eyes falling on the strawberry she was holding, Y/N suddenly felt an uneasy feeling in her stomach. Losing her appetite, she tossed the fruit back in the container and just sat back, unable to hide her uncomfortable face which Yunho noticed right away.

"Honey, is something wrong? Do you not feel well?" He asked which immediately sparked the attention of the other male.

Although she didn't feel well indeed, Y/N didn't want to cause any alarm or have them fret over her behavior and decided to make up an excuse.

"I guess maybe I'm just exhausted after spending so much time out in the sun. I think I'm just going to go back to the hotel room. You guys stay here if you want."

Plastering on a reassuring smile, she gave them no chance to argue or say anything else as she quickly got off the beach towel and started heading back towards the hotel that was just in front of the beach. Her arms were crossed protectively in front of her chest, head lowered to avoid eye contact with the young men who were heading in the opposite direction. She shut her eyes when she heard them snicker behind her, no doubt making fun of her figure. She just wanted to lock herself in the room and crawl under the covers of the bed, just her alone with nobody else.

But the sudden calls for her from behind let her know that it wasn't going to be the case.

"Geez, couldn't you at least wait for us baby?" Mingi pouted as he linked an arm around her.

"Sorry, didn't want to cut your playtime at the beach short." She felt even more bad knowing they decided to follow her back.

"It's fine darling. It was getting too hot anyways. Besides we can have just as much fun in the hotel room as we do in the beach." Yunho added, leaning his face so he could whisper in her ear.

"Or maybe even more fun." He snickered suggestively, which made her blush and cling closer to the male on her right, who simply let out a small snort.

"Don't tease her Yunho. You know how shy she gets with these things." Unable to hold back from making her even more flustered, Mingi's hand that was on her waist dropping to slightly pinch her butt cheek.

"And it makes me want to eat her up even more."

With a soft huff, she shoved his hand away from him and simply walked faster to hide from their vulgar teasing that had her cheeks burning bright red.

"She's so adorable." Yunho chuckled, to which Mingi agreed with. Taking advantage of the fact she couldn't hear them, both of them started whispering a few things amongst themselves, huge grins plastering on their faces as they planned out how they were going to spend their night with their lovely girlfriend.

ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ¸.✻´`✻.¸¸ღ

Staring at her reflection in the long body mirror, Y/N cringed at the sight. She knew the guys were waiting outside in the hot tub for her, no doubt aching to see her in the dark blue bikini they had picked out for her, a color Mingi aggressively shoved into Yunho who wanted to go instead for a more baby pink choice, but eventually caved into the other's choice. She didn't feel up to going out in it though, she felt it unflattering and unsuitable for someone her size. Stripping out of it, she tossed on a tank top and shorts once more, wanting to be as covered up as much as possible. Feeling satisfied with that, she quickly came out of the bathroom, not wanting to make the boys wait any longer.

Hearing the glass door of the room slide open, the young men excitedly looked over hoping to see their gorgeous girlfriend in a swimsuit they bought her, but their faces fell flat when they saw her clothing choice.

"What happened to the bikini we bought you? Oh god! Please don't tell me we got the wrong size." Mingi groaned, already beating himself up for an imaginary mistake.

"No it fit fine, I just.... I just prefer being like this." She replied as she slipped her body inside the hot water, setting herself in between both of the men, who wasted no time in drawing their bodies closer to her, effectively trapping her.

Looking up from one and then to the other, Y/N knew by the smiles on their face that they were up to something else and it wasn't particularly pure. Taking the lead as he usually did, Yunho brought a hand up to trace the outline of her jaw.

"So pretty..." He muttered as he bent his face down to hers.

Starting off with small pecks, Yunho eventually pressed his lips deeper into hers, hand still cupping her jaw so his thumb could draw circles around her cheek. Y/N moaned when she felt his tongue dart forward and infiltrate her mouth. She gave in and allowed him absolute control, moaning louder when he pulled her tongue inside his own mouth and briefly sucking on it. For a few minutes they were lost in their little world until the third person in the relationship reminded them of his presence.

"Ok you got your turn, now let me make out with my baby."

As soon as Yunho's mouth was detached from her lips, it was quickly replaced by Mingi's, who unlike the other male, was more fervent and rougher with his kisses. Whereas Yunho preferred a lot more tongue action, Mingi enjoyed nipping at his lover's lips. Indeed he made sure to get her lips as swollen and red as possible. His teeth endlessly tugged at her bottom lip, a smirk appearing on his features each time he drew out a gasp or whine from the girl in front of him. Her sounds intensified when she felt Yunho's lips occupying themselves on her shoulder and neck, leaving small love bites on the visible patches of skin. His large hand dove underwater to clasp at the end of her top, rising it up slowly so he could take it off her.

Feeling her insecurities rise up once more, Y/N quickly withdrew his hand off her body, ending the makeout session with her other boyfriend in the process.

"Baby did we do something wrong? Did we push it too far?" Yunho immediately worried that they hurt her in any way. Mingi was also mirroring the same feeling his friend was bearing.

"No, it's not you guys...it's me."

Both of the men looked at each other in confusion.

"Are you sick? Is that it? Why didn't you say something before." Mingi brought a palm over her forehead, attempting to figure out if she had a fever or not.

Shaking her head, Y/N took a deep breath before she went any further.

"I'm not sick I just hate my body ok? I hate being chubby, it makes all the clothes I wear look ugly on me. I wish I was skinnier like some of the female idols you guys see almost on the daily. Maybe then I'd be more attractive for you guys.."

Her confession broke them to pieces. They couldn't believe she felt that way and they cursed themselves for not noticing earlier on about their girlfriend's insecurities.

"But darling, you are very attractive just the way you are." Mingi spoke up, though they could tell his words didn't have much of an effect on her.

Joining in to make sure she felt loved, Yunho tilted Y/N's face so she could clearly see his sincerity at his next words.

"Listen to me, your body is very gorgeous just the way it is. You may not believe it, but trust me when I say Mingi and I are absolutely crazy about your body. It makes you more irresistible and we wouldn't have you any other way."

His words lightened her mood just a bit, a hint of a smile starting to form on the corners of her lips.

"And we're not the only ones who think so. There were some assholes who were shamelessly checking you out while we were trying to catch up with you back on the beach." Mingi added, face frowning as he recalled the way they heard the group of men talking about their girlfriend in such a lewd manner.

"What? N-no, I'm sure you got it wrong. They were probably making fun of me." Her theory however was quickly shut down by Yunho.

"No baby, we heard them clearly as they went on and on about how hot you look....among other things that weren't exactly family friendly." Although he tried to hide it, Yunho couldn't keep his teeth from gritting against each other in a jealous manner.

"And we saw how their faces kept turning to stare at your ass." Mingi recalled rather unhappily.

Y/N felt even more embarrassed now, her hands coming up to hide her reddened face, which continued to stay hidden even when she felt both males press themselves into her.

"But if that still doesn't convince you, how about you let us demonstrate how much we adore your figure?"

Peeking out and uncovering her face, Y/N took in their hungry gazes that were awaiting for permission to devour her. Although she nodded slightly, it wasn't enough for them.

"Darling use your words please. We'd much rather hear you say how much you want us as well." Mingi deepened his voice enough to cause an effect on her.

Biting down on her lip, Y/N's voice shyly spoke out.

"Please.... touch me." She gulped before uttering her next words.

"Make love to me."

Finally hearing the magic words, both men stood up, their bodies drenched and pouring water. Taking hold of Y/N, Mingi brought her out of the hot tub as well and sat her in front of him on the wood extension of the hot tub. Reaching for her shirt, he quickly peeled it off her body and moved it somewhere else while Yunho took care of her lower half, removing her shorts and equally discarding them somewhere else.

"Fuck, she looks so damn pretty." Yunho marveled at the sight of her bare, soaked body right in front of him.

Snaking his hands down her torso, Mingi gripped the top of her thighs so he could pry them open, letting Yunho gaze into her exposed heat. He let out a chuckle at his friend's star struck expression.

"Well? Don't just stand there like an idiot. Put those long ass fingers of yours to work." Mingi told him.

Instructing Y/N to keep her legs wide open, Mingi brought his hands back up her body so they could cup her breasts. He squeezed them in between his fingers, astonished at feeling how soft and tender they were. While she was still getting adjusted to the feeling of Mingi's hands around her boobs, Yunho came up in front of her and began kissing along her collarbone, making her tilt her head back.

"God your boobs are so squishy." Mingi groaned as he pressed them against each other, thumbs tweaking at her nipples.

While Mingi's hands continued playing around with her chest, Yunho took advantage of her dazed state to brush his fingers along one of her thighs. Creeping it closer in between her legs, his thumb started slow and gentle motions on her clit. He smiled against her neck when he felt her shudder as he pressed down on her button.

"Mingi be sure to hold her steady while I finger her pretty pussy. You know how she tends to get."

Removing his hands off her breasts, Mingi proceeded to move them to her hips, knowing fully well they'd be wanting to buck into Yunho's hand. Y/N looked down and watched intently as one of Yunho's fingers slowly slipped inside her hole. She gaped with amazement as he effortlessly slid his finger out of her body and then back inside. It always amazed her how such a little action could make her so weak and pliant towards her lovers. Yunho of course knew this and loved to use it against her. Smiling ever so smugly, he inserted a second finger into her hole, his pace starting to pick up. Her breath hitched as she craned her neck back to rest her head on Mingi's shoulder, the latter taking the opportunity to plaster kisses on the side of her cheek.

"Do you like having Yunho's fingers inside of you babygirl?" He asked, lips brushing against her earlobe.

"Y-yes." She responded.

When her thighs tried to close, Mingi was quick to pry them back apart, his grip tight enough that they could leave prints on her skin.

"No babygirl, keep those pretty legs of yours open for Yunho."

Knowing exactly what to do to tip her over the edge, Yunho angled his fingers upward so they could rub at her sweet spot as he continued to wiggle his fingers inside of her. A third finger was added to the combination, which had the recipient crying out from the stretch.

"How on earth are you always so tight babygirl? It's like we don't fuck you enough." Yunho expressed, thumb circling on her nub with more detailed and faster motions.

The wet and sloppy sounds emanating from between her legs were like music to both men's ears. They enjoyed hearing how wet they could make her become, Mingi especially licked his lips as he saw how her folds started to glisten from all the arousal seeping out of her.

"Shit, her pussy looks so good. I can't wait to eat her out."

Shooting a smirk to his friend, Yunho worked his fingers deeper into his girlfriend's core, thrusting them sporadically in an effort to bring her closer to her high.

"Well just let me get her cum with my fingers and then I'll leave her in your hands..... or should I say mouth?"

Hearing them say what they were going to do to her made Y/N shudder. With eyes shut, her voice slightly broke into half cries half whimpers as she came on Yunho's fingers. Mingi's hold on her thighs prevented her from shutting her legs and thus making her orgasm feel more intense as it washed all throughout her body. Making sure to keep his fingers lodged inside until she came down from her high, Yunho gently leaned in to press a kiss on the corner of Y/N's mouth.

"Look babygirl."

Opening her eyes, she was met with the sight of Yunho's fingers pulling out of her heat. They were covered completely in her cum, leaving her surprised that she could produce that much from just his fingers. Keeping eye contact with her, he brought his fingers up to his lips and licked them clean.

"Oh Mingi, you're going to definitely enjoy eating her out." Yunho locked eyes with the other male, sending him a knowing wink.

"Then I guess I better not let her juices go to waste."

Moving her body so she could face him, Mingi layed down on his back and motioned for Y/N to move herself on top of his face, which she hesitated to do. Sensing what she was worried about, Mingi smiled at her.

"Baby, it's ok. I want to feel those thick thighs of yours on me. Now come over here and smother my face with your sweet pussy."

Getting help from Yunho who took hold of her arms, he placed her right on top of Mingi's face. Spreading her lips apart, Mingi's tongue came up to lick up the leftover arousal from Yunho's previous fingering session. Y/N couldn't help but gasp not just from the over sensitivity of her pussy, but from Mingi's warm mouth consuming her taste. Closing his eyes, Mingi lost himself in the sweetness her body had to offer. Flicking his tongue out, he made sure to pay close attention to her clit, circling the tip of his wet muscle around it. As if they had a mind of their own, Y/N's hips began to slowly grind down against Mingi's tongue movements. When she noticed what she was doing, she made an attempt to stop her motions.

"No babygirl. Show Mingi how much you enjoy having him eat you out. He told you to smother his face and that's what you're going to give him. After all, that is what he wants. Don't you Mingi?" Yunho piped up.

The man underneath Y/N responded with a muffled moan against her wetness. His hands clasped themselves on her ass, harshly slamming her down until her heat was covering the entirety of his face. Guiding her hips, he made her drag her core along his tongue over and over, slurping up every inch of tender flesh without leaving any patch dry. Y/N began panting, each stroke of Mingi's tongue making her fall deeper in that hazy state she had been in just moments ago while Yunho had his fingers knuckles deep in her. And both men knew it, they had learned and memorized each pitch of her sounds and every tick of her body to know what she liked and when she'd come crumbling down from the pleasure they gave her.

Knowing she needed a little encouragement, Yunho began peppering open mouth kisses along her neck as his fingers brushed along the sides of her waist.

"Go ahead love. Cum all over Mingi's face. Make a mess of his pretty face." He softly instructed her. A pleased grin framed Yunho's face as merely seconds later, Y/N fulfilled his command. Mingi groaned wildly as his face was smothered by her mound, her thighs trembling and clenching around his skull as another flood of her juices poured out onto his face. Making sure to lick up as much as possible, Mingi detached his mouth from her reddened folds with an audible pop, a proud smirk on his face that he was not wiping off at any moment.

Knowing she was still too worked up from her orgasm, Yunho carefully lifted her up into his arms. Gesturing for Mingi to follow, he carried her bridal style back inside their room, where he layed her down on the soft king sized bed. Stripping themselves out of their swimming trunks, the men whispered a few words amongst each other before reaching the decision of who got to have her first. The beaming look on Mingi's features answered her thoughts on who it was.

Setting himself right next to her, Mingi began stroking his already hard length.

"Come here baby. Hop your pretty self on top and ride me." He motioned for her to sit on top of him.

With hands pressed to his chest, Y/N slowly sunk herself down until his entire cock was safely nestled inside her. Hissing at the excruciatingly tight grip her tender flesh had on him, Mingi looked over to Yunho, who already had one hand wrapped tightly on his dick.

"We really should fuck her more often, she's unbelievably tight." His voice rasped out.

"Well why don't you do something about it? You're literally inside her idiot." Yunho reminded him rather agitated, anxious to get his own turn with his beloved girl.

With sharp cries, Y/N held onto the headboard in front of her as the man underneath her started pounding his hips up into her. Their moans were filling up the room, along with the slick sounds protruding from between their thighs, where they were connected. Yunho eagerly watched them, his hand working to stroke his twitching cock, making sure not to speed up in case he accidentally made himself cum. He knew he'd get his turn soon, but for the moment, he reveled at seeing the two individuals he cared about the most be so intimate with each other. He watched as their facial muscles started contorting and scrunching up with pleasure, their bodies starting to layer a thin sheen of sweat from the intensity of their love making.

Already vulnerable from the previous 2 orgasms, Y/N started to feel that familiar heat pooling in her lower abdomen, spreading under her skin and making her dizzy with lust. Mingi's pace turned slightly more rough. He loved watching as he made his girlfriend ride his cock, especially when he was blessed with the sight of her breasts bouncing right in front of him. He thought it was one of the most amazing sights to behold. Sensing that she was close given how worked out they had gotten her before and by the way her sounds grew more frantic, Mingi gripped at her sides to hold her down as he bucked his cock deep enough to have her crying out.

"That's it babygirl. Let yourself go. Cum all over me." He grunted at her, feeling himself reach his own brink from the frenetic pace he set for themselves.

With aching thighs, Y/N violently shook on top of him, vision darkening as her mind only payed attention to the sensation of her walls clamping around her lover's cock. Feeling overly constricted to the point of hurting in a most delicious grip, Mingi quickly pulled himself out of her core before any of his cum could start spilling inside her. With the help of his hand, he finished himself off by spurting drops of cum onto her thighs and stomach, some of them dripping off to land on the sheets underneath them.

"Oh my God." Mingi threw his head back onto the pillow behind him as he tried to steady his racing heart.

Finally seeing his cue to come in, Yunho fitted himself on the large king sized bed and carefully pulled Y/N off Mingi's lap to sat her on top of his own. Whereas Mingi preferred having her face him, Yunho opted to keep her facing away, pressing his chest onto her back. His voice gently shushed her whimpers as he sunk her down onto his overly endowed length. Fitting himself in her always took a little longer due to his size.

"You're doing so well baby." He cooed in her ear as he waited for her to adjust to him. Mingi was definitely right in exclaiming how tight she was, he himself was gritting his teeth at how hard her walls were squeezing at his shaft.

Knowing she was overly sensitive, clit swollen and folds puffed up, Yunho decided to go for a more slow and sensual pace. His hands gently rolled her hips to move on top of him, soft and blissful sighs being breathed out of their mouths. He made sure not to overwhelm her, and he himself wanted to enjoy the moment for as long as possible. When he heard her agitated moan, he let her relax on top of him as his hips took over. He was careful not to snap his hips too aggressively, still being gentle and precise with each thrust he shot up at her. With one hand sliding in between her legs, his fingers brushed against her pinkied clit before carefully circling around it.

"You're so beautiful my dear. Absolutely perfect." He murmured against her neck whilst his lips pressed tiny kisses on her warm skin.

Y/N gasped when she felt his pace slightly speed up, causing her body to jolt forward, which was stopped from falling when Yunho's arms held her in a tight embrace to keep her close to him. She knew she was definitely waking up sore the next morning, her thighs were already burning from cumming so much and from being bounced on top of two monster cocks that belonged to her tall boyfriends. Her 4th orgasm of the night slowly and silently crept up on her, rendering her almost numb to everything except the dull sting of her juices pouring out once more onto Yunho's cock. Even after she felt him pull out and coat her backside with his hot seed, she was still in hazy state, worn out after all the attention the two men bestowed upon them. The last thing she saw before passing out on the bed was Yunho's voice purring in her ear:

"Remember Mingi and I love you just the way you are..."

[personasintro]

drunk over sober | ksj drabble

⇢ 𝒔𝒚𝒏𝒐𝒑𝒔𝒊𝒔; getting through the evening in his presence calls for help and that's why you decide to reach for one thing that could possibly get you through it, or maybe it helps you in a whole another way

⇢ 𝒈𝒆𝒏𝒓𝒆: angst (?), fluff, enemies to lovers au

⇢ 𝒘𝒂𝒓𝒏𝒊𝒏𝒈𝒔: explicit language

⇢ 𝒘𝒐𝒓𝒅 𝒄𝒐𝒖𝒏𝒕: 4.5k+

𝒂/𝒏: commissioned by @xxxjkxux​, hope you like this! x

drunk over sober | sober now

𝒎.𝒍𝒊𝒔𝒕 | ☕️ | © 𝒑𝒆𝒓𝒔𝒐𝒏𝒂𝒔𝒊𝒏𝒕𝒓𝒐 (𝒏𝒐 𝒓𝒆𝒑𝒐𝒔𝒕𝒔 𝒐𝒓 𝒕𝒓𝒂𝒏𝒔𝒍𝒂𝒕𝒊𝒐𝒏𝒔 𝒂𝒓𝒆 𝒂𝒍𝒍𝒐𝒘𝒆𝒅)

What did you do in your past life to deserve this? To deserve such an overly confident, snarky, cocky bastard to be in your life. Why couldn't your friends find a nice human being that is polite, friendly and modest? Not… him.

And the fact everyone is so okay with him acting like he owns everything just makes your blood boil even more. Why the hell did you even agree to come here in the first place? Oh yeah, because one of your friends Jimin, assured you he won't be here. But rather than be mad at Jimin for lying to you because well, your worst enemy – the epitome of evil is right here, you're actually more mad at his presence.

Or maybe because he's enjoying this night to the fullest, even has the decency to lift up his glass of wine at you as he cockily quirks up one of his brows and sends a smirk your way. You gape at him like a fish, features twisting to a deep scowl and a glare. But he looks even more amused at your obvious anger, living for it.

“Y'know, this glaring at him won't do anything.”

The melodic voice resounds next to you, your eyes moving from the devil himself to your friend who's looking at Seokjin amusingly before he looks at you with the same amused eyes. That's great! Even he's enjoying this. Are you the only one being miserable? Maybe you should leave this bar, leave the group of your friends to maybe open a bottle of wine for yourself.

“Don't talk to me,” you grit, trying to appear intimidating but it only makes Jimin chuckle which makes your brow twitch in irritation. “You lied to me. You told me he won't be here tonight.”

“I didn't lie,” Jimin clarifies, “He wasn't supposed to come but decided to tag along at the last minute.”

“Of course, he did,” you roll your eyes. “He likes to make my life miserable.”

Now it's Jimin's turn to roll his eyes, finding the hatred between you two pathetic and childish. You don't even know how it started. Seokjin always made you irritated from the moment you met him. You don't like overly confident men, thinking they can do anything and act however they like. Then he started to make fun of you, throwing snarky remarks your way ever since he noticed the way you clearly wasn't very fond of his presence. And it quickly turns into bickering whenever the two of you are in the same room.

He has already managed to comment on your outfit the second he saw you.

“This is not your grandma's funeral, Y/N.”

How dare he bring your poor grandma into this? You know he did that just to annoy you, that doesn't make it okay.

To be fair, you did tell him something back. “Oh really? Says the man who's wearing his dad's clothes.”

It's certain you made your friends laugh, both of you did. They always have fun whenever it comes down to your bickering. Seokjin didn't even look offended by your comment, just smirked your way as he gulped down more wine. That pisses you even more. He barely shows annoyance or any negative reaction. He always remains calm, amused and cocky. It pisses you off.

And of course, he doesn't look as if he's wearing his dad's clothes. He looks far from it. He might be close to his thirties, but he looks amazing. But surely, he knows that. Everyone knows that – even you. But you'd rather have your arm cut off than to admit it out loud.

“You both are freaking stubborn. Whatever the two of you have going on, you need to sort it out.”

“Sort it out,” you scoff, “As if that's possible.”

“It is,” Jimin says, a grin making its way to his lips. “I feel a certain tension here.” He wiggles his eyebrows at you while you frown, glaring at him for a moment before you let his words sink in and you realize what he's hinting at.

“Oh, fuck no!” you exclaim, wanting nothing else than to punch him for even mentioning that but you know you'd feel awful later. “Y'know what? I won't let him get to me. I'm gonna have fun.” you say lightly, your tone awfully fake but you go along with it as you gulp the rest of your wine.

“Now, I'm gonna get some more.” you inform him, Jimin's mouth is opening.

“That's not what I--”

But you're already gone, making your way towards the bar to order more wine but not before you brush past Seokjin giving him the nastiest glare. However, it only makes him chuckle, turning around for a moment to look at you amusingly as he's met with your back and swaying ass.

You usually make good decisions.

You always think through things because usually, you're a responsible person.

Usually – that's the key word because you're certainly not proving yourself to make good decisions. As much as you'd like to blame it on Suckjin (yes, because he really sucks), it's your own fault for deciding that drinking might be the best idea for how to get through the night. Part of you wanted to leave as soon as you saw his dumb and handsome face but you haven't seen your friends for two weeks and you wouldn't give him that satisfaction to show him how much his presence affects you. Or more like it annoys you.

Who are you kidding. He certainly affects you more than you'd like to admit, if he didn't – you wouldn't keep ordering wine (and probably going bankrupt because you'd save a lot of money by buying a whole bottle of wine, rather than buying one glass every ten to fifteen minutes). However, you're in a bar and it's quite obvious you pay more than you'd if you just bottle an alcohol from a convenience store.

Also, if he wouldn't affect you that much you'd listen to your friends' worries and advice to slow down. You did the right opposite. You feel like you started ordering even more frequently.

But most importantly, if he wasn't affecting you, you certainly wouldn't throw up into the toilet of the ladies restroom.

And the fact you embarrassed yourself in front of (not just your friends) but also everyone in a bar while running to the ladies with a hand over your mouth, to keep the vomit inside until you're free to let it out.

Oh, fuck so fucking embarrassing.

Your knees ache as you hug the toilet, not caring about possible bacterias laying on the toilet seat. If you were sober, you'd actually be so disgusting.

When one of your female friends comes to check on you, you rasp out that you're okay and will be out in a few minutes. You weren't.

You've been here for god knows how long but considering how many women already went to use the restroom, you must've been here for quite some time. Luckily, you stayed quiet and didn't throw up while anyone else was here.

Your stomach is uncomfortably clenched reminding you that you're about to have a wild awakening in the morning full of regret, you know you emptied everything in your stomach. You've a weird sour taste in your mouth, causing you to groan disgustedly at yourself. Once you flush the toilet for like the fifth time by now, you get the courage to walk out and check your appearance in the mirror.

You look awful. You also feel like it.

You rinse your mouth a few times, feeling lucky that no one has decided to come here to see your head in a sink while spitting out the water to get rid of that awful taste of vomits in your mouth. Your make-up is slightly smudged but it's actually not that awful once you wipe your undereyes and the smudged mascara there.

Once you're ready, knowing you've to walk out of those doors to face the others (and by that, you don't just mean your friends but also everyone that witnessed you clearly ready to throw up), you brace yourself and open the door.

You're startled to be met with Seokjin leaning against the wall, standing there just on the opposite side of you as your eyes meet right away. He sighs, awfully similar to sighing in relief, as he takes your appearance and eyes you up and down.

“How are you feeling?” he asks, straightening himself.

“Like shit,” you answer honestly, grabbing the side of your throbbing head. “I think I'm still drunk.” you tell him, stumbling when a woman makes her way towards the restroom and you've to move to let her in since you've been standing right in front of the door.

Seokjin stretches his arms towards you, getting a faint hold of your wrists. HIs brows are furrowed while he stares at you.

“Come on, let's get you home.” he says, taking a few steps closer to you as you glare at him.

“You?” Is the only thing you let out of your mouth, ready to resist but Seokjin holds you close since you seem to have barely any balance.

You might've thrown up everything in your stomach, but your head throbs and you're still very much drunk.

“Yes,” he answers simply, “Everyone else went home. I told them I'd get you home safely.”

You scoff, not believing your friends. So, they just left you here? With him? They know you don't like him! The hell, you hate him! They know all of it and yet, they left you here with him.

Little do you know, Seokjin promised to take care of you. He was met with a few skeptical stares from your friends but Jimin assured them it's okay. The smirk Jimin gave Seokjin just as he was walking out of the bar didn't go unnoticed by him.

And here he is. Has been waiting for half an hour for you. He did get worried, wondering if you hadn't passed out on the floor or something and had this urge to just walk into the ladies restroom, knowing that might've got him kicked out of this bar.

Luckily, you walked out of there before he really decided to do it.

As much as you hate Seokjin, and doing a stupid decision, you know the smartest option for you is to just go with him. It's dangerous to go alone and even though you want to prove to him you don't need him or his help, you kind of do and it definitely helps to get you home safely, just like he promised to you and his friends.

So you huff under your breath, brushing past him but saying nothing in return but you know he's right behind you, feeling his presence following you out of a bar.

“Oh shit, I haven't paid for my drinks.” you exclaim once you make it outside.

Thank god, no one stared at you while walking out of a bar. You already feel embarrassed as it is.

“I took care of it,” Seokjin tells you, phone attached to his ear as he ignores your suspicious eyes and calls a cab for the two of you.

You groan, feeling your legs getting weak so you sit on a curb, hugging your arms as you feel a chilly breeze on your exposed arms.

After he makes the call, hanging up with a polite “Thank you, we'll be waiting”, he's joining you and sitting beside you as you eye him suspiciously again.

He probably feels your eyes on him, but he stares ahead watching cars passing by.

“Why would you pay for me?” you ask, voice drowsy as you keep your tired eyes on him.

He turns his head to you, staring at you for a moment as he lets out a chuckle. “I expect you to pay me back. I'm no charity.” he scoffs causing you to scoff back.

“Don't worry,” you murmur, feeling angry for some reason even though of course, you'd pay him back. You wouldn't let him pay for such an expensive wine, or even if it was a cheap one, just so he could use it one day against you. You don't need his money.

But deep down, you're glad he took care of it so you could just walk out of the bar and not spend any longer in it than necessarily. What you're angry about is the way he reacted. And here you thought he's being weird by the whole taking care of you thing. He's still the same idiot.

Your thoughts are cut off by him taking off his suit and throwing it over your small figure. You instantly feel the heat from it, knowing it's his body that made it warm. You open your mouth, staring at him surprisingly as he chuckles at your reaction.

“Well, don't look at me so surprised.”

“I am surprised,” you point out, “Thanks though.”

“What? I didn't hear you?”

You look at him again, opening your mouth but once you see the corner of his mouth twitching, you know he heard you and is just making you say it again.

“Your mistake.” you huff.

You don't know for how long you sit there waiting for the cab, but you feel yourself getting more and more tired, looking for a place to lean your head against which happens to be Seokjin's shoulder. You're too out of it to check out his reaction or realize what you just did.

His shoulder feels nice. The one you kept making fun of him, actually you made fun of both of his shoulders. Suddenly, you start feeling guilty for it and you blame you being drunk for it because you're already opening your mouth.

“I'm sorry for making fun of your shoulders,” you mutter, yawning sleepily. “They feel nice.”

Seokjin laughs, actually it's something between a laugh and a chuckle but he finds your confession and apology funny nevertheless.

“I know you secretly love them.” he teases you, causing you to groan in response. Oh god, you're so out of it.

“I hate you secretly.” you inform him, causing him to snicker.

“It's not that big of a secret.” he points out, making you chuckle for some reason. He's right. It's quite obvious.

“You hate me too, don't make me feel guilty.”

“I don't hate you,” he tells you, sounding serious for a second before he chuckles. “You just can't take some teasing.”

You lift your head up quickly, groaning when you feel it spin as your vision gets blurry. You glare at Seokjin, seeing double – two Seokjins – but you glare at him nevertheless.

“Teasing?” you exclaim, “That's not teasing! That's pissing me off and you know it.” you snap but lay your head back when it starts to hurt even more. He lets you, scoffing a little.

And he stays quiet, letting the distant sounds of cars and people chatting that walk past you be the only sound between you two. You're on a verge of actually falling asleep, closing your eyes for the first time since fighting the urge to close them since you laid your head on Seokjin's shoulder.

But yet again, Seokjin manages to open his mouth again and for some reason, you're not as annoyed as you'd normally be.

“Do you believe in soulmates?”

It's so random, you don't get why he's asking you this but you're also very drunk to put too much thought into it.

You let his question linger in the air and in your mind, pursing your lips slightly in a silent thought before you come up with a quite sober answer. “I think everyone is in your life for a reason.”

“Oh, so I'm in your life for a reason.” he teases you and if you looked up at him, you'd see him wiggling his brows.

“Yeah, to piss me off apparently.” you tell him, getting to hear a breathy laugh from him.

“You piss me off too,” he says, sounding both amusing and accusing at the same time. Maybe even offended too. “But I like you.” he admits.

It's like a slap to your face and thanks to your drunkenness, it takes a while to fully understand his words but once you do, you whip your head in his direction while looking at him like a deer caught in the headlights.

“You what?”

“Come on, isn't it obvious?” he laughs almost bitterly, but keeps his tone light and even when he looks at you with his dark brown eyes, you see nothing but softness in them.

Okay, you're really drunk.

“Do you think I'd take care of you, borrowed you my suit to keep you warm and waited in front of the restroom for half an hour just because I hate you?”

You're speechless, not fully realizing that Kim Seokjin, the Kim Seokjin that makes fun of you whenever you're around, just confessed that he doesn't hate you. And admitted verbally and loudly what he's done for you so far. Even though you didn't ask for it, you know deep down you appreciate it.

“I don't understand…” you mumble, “What about all the teasing and annoying me?”

“It's just teasing, it's not my fault you can't take a joke.” he snorts, causing you to send him a glare. It's just a small confirmation that yes, he still acts like a dick but the difference is, that you're not overly mad over it and don't want to slap his handsome face.

“You and I have a different concept of a joke,” you scoff, “I don't like those jokes.”

“Alright, no more teasing and jokes,” he says, causing you to raise your brows at him lazily. You don't believe him. “Don't look at me like that, I'm serious. And just a reminder, you haven't been going easy on me too. I'm just lucky I have thick skin and can take a joke.”

You want to have some smartass response, to say something back about how he's making it seem like you're some kind of a prude that can't joke around, because you can. You're quite a fun person to be around. He just doesn't know that side of you because you just straightass go into an attack mode whenever he is around.

And as your drunk mind thinks about it, you do feel an obvious guilt slowly building but you're too drunk to fully tell him what you think. But you try your best, muttering the first thing that comes to your mind.

“I'm sorry to joke about your shoulders,” you almost whisper, pouting. “I like them. They're comfy. At least this left is.”

That's right, you've been leaning on his left shoulder only.

Seokjin snorts at that before he erupts laughing, causing you to cringe at the loud sound close to your ear but you find yourself smiling. He catches the sight of your smile, his laugh slowly dying as he keeps his lips stretched into a similar one.

“I can assure you my right shoulder is just as comfortable,” he remarks, causing you to snort as you nod at him. “I don't know what's up with you and my shoulders. You said far more mean things about my own personality than my appearance.”

You cringe at that, feeling the guilt even more. Perhaps it's the tone in his voice that makes you think that you making fun of his personality rather than appearance somehow affected him too.

“I'm sorry,” you murmur, hiding your face back in his shoulder once he looks at you, chuckling as you not so sneakily hide your shy face. “You said mean things to me too.”

“I'm sorry,” he says back, louder and more confident than when you said it. “I think we both have something to feel guilty about.”

You just nod, muttering something about how long it's taking for the cab to arrive. Seokjin is not sure if you did it to change the topic purposely, or you're just so drunk that you mind drifts elsewhere. Nevertheless, he coaxes you to stand up as he helps you, not minding the way your body practically stumbles into his in the middle of it. He has a tight grip on you, tucking a few restless strands of your hair behind your ear. Yeah, he commented that too. Something about how having your hair in a bun makes you look like you're in a job meeting rather than hanging out with your friends in a bar.

He cringes at that, having the need to apologize for that but you seem distracted by something else and that something else happens to be his lips. You're shameless, maybe you don't realize that you're staring and that he obviously sees you… but you just keep staring.

“I'm sure I made fun of your lips too.” you drunkenly murmur, causing Seokjin to breathe out a chuckle.

“You did.” he confirms your suspicion, causing you to sigh.

“I like them.” you tell him honestly, eyes lazily closing and smile stretching to the same lazy and drunk smile. And you bluntly reach towards them, your point finger tracing the bottom lip.

Seokjin feels the tip of his ears heating up, wondering how it must look like to someone that just walks by. You're in front of a bar with you drunk while tracing his lips as if it's the most normal and common thing ever.

“You know,” Seokjin starts, your finger no longer in front of his mouth. “I think I prefer you drunk over sober.”

That makes you snort, chuckling slightly as you lean towards him and bump your forehead into his chest. Wow, it's hard. You stay like that, trying to ignore the throb in your head.

“I think I prefer you when I'm drunk than when I'm sober.” you admit, causing him to laugh, hands respectfully on your back as you keep swaying slightly.

Suddenly, you've this urge to look at him because god knows if you'll ever have that opportunity. So you do, finding him already looking at you.

“But I wish you were sober now, though.” he admits too, your brows furrowing in a confusion for a moment.

“Why?”

“So I could kiss you.” he bluntly responds, your eyes widening and for a moment, you feel like you sobered up. That's not true, though. You just feel like it.

“You--you want to kiss… me?” you point at yourself, wondering if this is some kind of sick joke of his, so he can laugh about it later.

But he looks honest, staring at you with a deep glance. It makes you swallow dryly.

“Yeah,” he nods, “But you're drunk. And I don't want to take advantage of that.”

You stare at him cutely, your lips pouting without you even realizing and your pupils are big and waiting, causing him to grab your face gently. He traces his thumb over your lips, similar to what you did just a few minutes ago while tracing his own plush lips.

You called him Kylie Jenner look-alike if you remember correctly. God, you were such a bitch.

You like his lips.

“I'm not that drunk,” you stupidly protest, causing Seokjin's brows to raise in shock from your sudden interest in him kissing you. But he quickly shakes himself out of it and chuckles at your eagerness.

“How about a compromise?” he asks, catching your interest as you nod without thinking of it.

It's until he leans towards you, face just a few inches from yours. You can feel the heat coming off his breath, warming your face while your heart seems to be the only thing sober and awake.

His lips are so close, he is so close. You can smell his incredible and expensive cologne making you almost whimper in his direction but before he can take another inch closer to you, you realize something and panic.

“Wait, wait!” you exclaim, catching him off guard as he stares at you surprised while pulling away slightly, giving you some space as your hand is already on your mouth.

Are you about to throw up? Oh fuck, he'd be so embarrassed if you throw up at the idea of him kissing you.

“I threw up!” you inform him which makes him snort because he obviously knows that.

He heard weird noises that undoubtedly came from you while he was waiting for you.

But he doesn't tell you that to not make you embarrassed. He's not that big of a dick, even if you think he maybe is.

“But I rinsed my mouth!” you quickly jump to say, not wanting him to think like you stink or something. You made sure your mouth doesn't smell like vomits. The thought of him kissing you while you threw up just twenty minutes ago makes you want to throw up again. In your defense, you did rinse your mouth a lot and you no longer can smell or taste vomits in your mouth.

He chuckles, eyes scrunched as he inches closer to you and you almost protest (because just in case, you'd die of embarrassment) but you're taken aback when his lips find your forehead instead of your lips. He gives you a soft kiss there, smiling down at you as you gape at him with an open mouth.

This is the compromise he talked about, but you're too drunk to realize that.

“Come on, the cab is here.” he says, taking your hand in his as he leads you to a cab.

Once you both sit there, you give the cab driver your address before you allow yourself to finally relax and feel something soft under your butt rather than a hard pavement. You're not too shy to scoot closer to Seokjin, even though you've been glued to him from the moment you made it into the cab. You let your head rest over his right shoulder this time, commenting that it's comfortable too that makes him laugh.

It's the last thing he hears from you because he soon realizes you fell asleep, cuddling up to him. He's not sure if he'll be able to wake you up once you make it to your apartment building and he has no plans trying to get into your purse, so he sighs and tells the driver to drive you to his apartment instead. It's not far from yours anyway and the cab driver is more than happy to charge him for it.

But he doesn't care about money. If he did, he wouldn't pay that much money over the wine you drank and threw up all of it in the same day.

He wasn't joking when he said he wants you to pay back, but maybe now, he'll live without you paying him back. He can think of it as if it's redemption by burying the hatchet.

And as he glances at your peaceful sleeping figure that still is very much glued to his warm body, he knows it might be just worth it.

He just hopes you won't kill him in the morning once you find out you're at his place. And maybe, just maybe, he hopes a lot that you'll remember everything in the morning.