#I just keep telling myself that the light at the end of the tunnel is an autism diagnosis and really good therapy

[jflemings]

— loose lips sink ships pt7

pairing: jessie fleming x reader

synopsis: a light begins to shine at the end of the tunnel

warnings: shorter than i wanted it to be 🥴

୧ ‧₊˚ 🍁 ⋅ ˚ ༘ ೀ⋆｡˚

jessie rounds the corner slowly, almost like you’re going to bolt. her face softens and she leans her hip on the counter “i don’t… i don’t know if i have one”

you visibly deflate at jessie’s words. on one hand, you’re relieved to know that she didn’t do it out of malice, but on the other, the way a simple lie slipped off her tongue so easily didn’t feel good. you didn’t want to question your whole relationship with jessie, but you were beginning to think that maybe you had too.

you sighed. “is there anything else you’ve lied to me about?”

she tucks her wet hair behind her ear “other than birthday presents, surprises and the few times i’ve had to lie to you about what time an event started so we could arrive on time? no.” she says with a small smile “i’ve been nothing but honest with you through our whole relationship. every time i’ve told you that i love you, that i would do anything for you, that there’s no one else in the world for me. i meant it. i don’t have an excuse or an answer you want and, i’m sorry for that, but it was never my intention to lie to you about my previous relationship.”

you take in everything she’s saying, listen to every word intently, and pause for a moment. she looks more confident standing in front of you now — unlike how she was when you first walked in — and you can’t help but begin to relent.

sitting on a bar stool, you drop the charger and your keys onto the counter, propping your feet on the footrest. for the first time since you walked in you take in the appearance of your shared apartment and your girlfriend. there’s a few dirty dishes in the sink, the shoe rack by the front door is in disarray, and if you look down the hallway you think you can see dirty laundry on the bedroom floor. then you look at jessie, and begin to notice how worn she looks. her eyes aren’t lively like they usually are and she looks like she hasn’t slept. you purse your lips.

“have you slept?” you question abruptly with your eyes narrowed at her

jessie squirms under your gaze “uh— no. not really”

you nod towards the barstool that’s opposite you and kick it out from the bench so she can sit down. the canadian hesitates for a moment before doing as you wordlessly asked, keeping the towel secure around her as she sits and shuffles to get comfortable.

“have you eaten?”

“that’s irrelevant”

“jessie” you level her with a look and hook your foot around the leg of the stool, dragging it towards you.

jessie looks towards the fridge “i was just about to make myself something”

silence once again begins to suffocate you. you don’t know where to go from here, especially after she told you that there was no rhyme or reason for her apparent mistake and as you sit in front of her, you don’t know if you want to kiss or kill her.

you’re angry at her for something so careless so early on, for telling you a lie about something and somebody so important to her. this wasn’t a college fling — this was jessie’s first love.

“you never answered my question about your old feelings resurfacing” you say quietly.

jessie looks into your eyes “there’s no romantic feelings” she says without missing a beat “none at all”

“why didn’t you just tell me that before?”

“because,” she rubs her hand over her brow bone “what i felt when i saw her again was hard to explain. it wasn’t love, but it was a sense of nostalgia. i hadn’t seen her since before i left for london and, i don’t know, i couldn’t really pin point what i was feeling at the time”

“i don’t think i understand” your voice cracks “how can you be nostalgic over a past relationship but feel nothing towards her?”

jessie pauses in contemplation for a moment before grabbing your hand and holding it firm in her own. “because by the time olivia and i split up i had fallen out of love with her. we had held on for the last few months until i started getting offers from clubs overseas but it was clear to the both of us that it was over”

she squeezes your hand “she was my first love, that’s true, but you are the one i want to be with for the rest of my life. i’m sorry that my actions made you doubt everything, and i’m sorry that i let you walk out without even trying to give you a real explanation, but please believe me. i don’t feel anything towards olivia”

your eyes glass over as you tip your head back to look at the ceiling. you believe her. you know you believe the love of your life. but you just can’t shake the way you felt when you walked out on her. the way the betrayal caved in your heart and made it hard to breathe was something you never want to experience again, especially not as the hands of someone as warm as jessie.

“you really hurt me, jess” a shaky breath stutters it’s way out of your throat as you look her in the eyes again “and i never, ever, want to feel that way again”

“i never want to make you feel that way again,” she squeezes your hand again and tears brim her eyes “and i’ll spend the rest of my life making it up to you if you give me the chance”

“i think i’m still going to stay at sam’s, at least for the rest of the week”

disappointment flashes across jessie’s face before she gives you a small smile “okay, just let me know if you need anything for the rest of the week”

“i’m gonna grab some clean clothes whilst i’m here”

jessie nods and stands “okay. i’ll just be getting changed” she jerks her thumb back towards the bathroom “don’t mind the state of the bedroom”

jessie retreats back to the bathroom whilst you grab your duffel from the couch and head for the bedroom. you were right, it was a bit of a mess. at least by jessie’s standards.

it was weird to see the room in such general disorder considering the fact that your girlfriend was so good at keeping her space clean. you pick things up off the floor and throw them into the dirty washing before beginning to pull out your own clean clothes, grabbing at least three more day’s worth of things you’re going to need.

you also straighten up the bed and throw the small amount of rubbish that has accumulated before jessie comes back into the bedroom, a look of apology already on her face. her eyes go slightly wide when she walks in.

“you didn’t have to clean up my mess. i can do it myself”

you shrug and zip up your bag once you’re sure you have enough pairs of socks “yeah, but i was in here anyway and you do the same for me all the time”

“thank you” she says, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her hoodie “and you should take the ice pack, you know the one you fill up instead of freeze? it’ll probably be more comfortable on your nose”

your eyes soften “i will” you step towards her and put a hand on her face softly, searching her eyes before giving her a quick kiss on the corner of her mouth. her face goes ablaze. “i love you,” you say to her softly “and i’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

jessie’s hand cups yours “okay”

you pat her face lovingly and pull away, heading out of the bedroom before you look over your shoulder “please eat something”

“i will” she responds, a blush still dusting her freckled cheeks.

your heart flutters as you leave the apartment as quietly as you came, the weight lifting off your shoulders with ease. your relationship wasn’t back to where it was before, but you no longer felt like jessie was beginning to be out of your reach like you had for the past few days. at the very least you knew that she still loved you and for the moment, that’s all that mattered.

[bunnihearted]

.

[autistic-earth-genasi]

Bro the fact that I have to go through all of these phone calls and convince so many people just to get a diagnosis and therapy is so crazy. Like here do all of the things that you can’t do, which is why you need therapy in the first place, and only then we will give you said therapy. Insane.

[cosmiicfairy]

🗑

[1-800-papaya]

Not so southern

Jay Halstead x Baker!Reader Warnings: Mentions of death and loss of parent

A Letter. A deathbed confession. It wasn’t something Y/N had ever expected a mere month after the death of her mother. She’d barely returned to Chicago after the funeral, barely returned to the cafe; she’d barely returned to Jay.

The open letter lay still on the table of the couple’s home. Y/N sat frozen, her eyes locked on the carefully written words floating in a river of unanswered questions in her mind. Her mother truly knew she had to leave an impression. But could she call the woman who had raised her her mother? Was it right to attach that title to a woman who had kept a life-altering secret from her? It was sitting at the table, her mind reeling that her newly minted husband found her later that afternoon.

Jay groaned as he dragged his tired body. The day didn’t seem to end, and a tough case was always twisting and evolving into something ugly and demented. When, Voight had finally allowed his detectives to leave and gather their strength, Jay had all but leapt from his desk and rushed out of the district. Though his partner’s tired, teasing smiles didn’t escape his eyes. The routine that had developed over the last two years wasn’t something Jay enjoyed breaking, but the light and warmth he longed for was not dusted in powder sugar or smeared in chocolate behind a counter.

The small two-story home’s door never felt so heavy as when the day dragged on like an endless tunnel. Jay could tell straight away that something was wrong. The house was cold and still. The only movement was Luna slinking to greet him. While Jay loved Y/N’s two furballs, Milo grated Jay’s last nerve most days; Luna and her subdued personality were more his speed. There was no warm feeling that filled each visitor; no delicious gooey chocolate smell filled the air.

“Hi Lu, do you know what’s going on? Hmm, Sunshine?” no response. Jay’s nerves grew. He knew she was home; her precious bronco was sitting in the driveway. Jay wondered aimlessly through the house before finding his loving wife sitting still like a stone statue.

“Y/N/N, love”, Jay’s voice was soft as he gently approached the young woman. Kneeling beside her, Jay watched as she turned slowly, and his concern grew when he noticed the rivers of silent tears that were running steadily down her cheeks. “What’s wrong”

Y/N didn’t trust her voice. Everything in her life felt like it was betraying her like it was wrong. Silently her shaking hand reached for the letter, a piece of paper that felt as heavy as concrete. She didn’t trust her wobbling voice to convey the news her ‘mother’ was telling her from beyond the grave. She looked away as reality started to sink in and her sobs became audible, breaking her husbands heart as he read his late mother-in-laws words.

Dear Y/N, I know now that my days are numbered, and I can feel life leaving me as my strength drains more each day. As such, I have a secret, my dear, that I feel I need to tell you now. It is a secret I once told myself I would’ve told you by now, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. This is much harder than I thought. I hope you will forgive me for keeping such information from you, dear. You are adopted. Your father and I loved each other but could not have children. When we saw your little face, we fell in love. The orphanage was overrun and loud, yet you were sound content…so peaceful. Now, I know this is quite shocking, and we may never be given the opportunity to talk, given my health. But I want you to continue to be yourself, darling. Do not let this change you. I saw how happy you are with Jay. Mary has shown me a lot of photos you sent of your wedding. I know you may have questions, so I have spent my recent spike in free time doing the work for you. Your original birth certificate will be sent alongside this letter. I do hope we see each other again before I leave, but if we do not, please do not linger too much on this information. You have quite a life ahead of you with Jay, live it, if not for me dear, but for yourself. Love Mum

Jay instinctively reached for the other piece of paper sitting neatly on the table—a birth certificate—an Illinois birth certificate. His eyes scanned the document. Shock filled his very being when he fully registered the names written in the father and mother of child boxes. Camille and Hank Voight. His wife was the daughter of his boss. Within seconds, his eyes flickered up, and his body moved quicker than his thoughts. Wrapping his arms loving and tightly around Y/N, Jay offered comfort and affection that she accepted without hesitation.

“I still love you, Sunshine”, Jay mumbled into his wife of barely two months’ hair. Y/N didn’t say a word, not that Jay needed a response. The house stayed still and silent for most of the night; she became numb and motionless as Jay moved about and eventually carried her to their bed, reassuring her that nothing between them had changed.

Tag List @smoothdogsgirl

[calaisreno]

Prognosis

974 words / Prompt: Apology (Sequel to yesterday's Diagnosis)

I follow John up the ladder from the Sumatra Road station and into the narrow tunnel that led us there. 

As we emerge into the waning daylight, I take a couple of long strides to catch up with him. 

“Did you mean it?” I ask. “Do you forgive me?”

John keeps walking. “Of course I do. You didn’t actually have to make me think we were about to die, you know. I forgave you the minute I saw you.”

“But. You’ve stayed away. I wasn’t sure…”

John stops walking, stares down at the pavement. 

“I used to talk to you when you were dead.”

I wait, silent. What I want to know, I can’t ask. 

John begins walking again. It’s almost completely dark by now, the grey gloom of November in London. 

“I shouldn’t have…” I begin. I’m so bad at this. Just talk, tell him… “I mean, I don’t know how to apologise. What I did that night in the restaurant— I shouldn’t have made light of it. I was so glad to see you, and I wanted to make you laugh. It was stupid of me to interrupt your date like that. I assume Mary was upset too.”

“Not at all.” John gives me a wan smile. “She seemed thrilled at your return.”

“John.” I flail a bit, having no words. “I’ve been gone two years, and I should have realised you’d move on. I hope… I hope I haven’t ruined things for you and Mary.”

John stops again, frowns at me. “Oh. No, that was just a date. She works at the surgery, and everyone kept pushing me to ask her out because it was clear she fancied me. Finally, she did the asking, and I accepted because I didn’t want to hurt her feelings. She knows we can’t be more than friends.”

Another mystery. “But… why?”

John sighs and turns away. 

I catch his arm. “Please tell me. What did you say when you talked to me… while I was… dead?”

“I talked about my work sometimes. I was doing shifts in the A&E then, drinking too much, being a dick to everyone who cared about me. I was drowning and didn’t know how to save myself. So I talked to you.”

“Did it help?”

“It did. I walked, and you would be there, at my side. It sounds a bit unhinged, I know. A couple times your brother followed me in his car. I got in and we chatted. He was considering sectioning me, I think. But he could see I was functioning, so he let me go.”

“When you talked to me, what did I say?”

He smiles. “The usual. Complaining about how bored you were, asking me to buy those biscuits for you, deducing people in the shops… telling me I was drinking too much. You used to disappear when I had a few too many, so I stopped doing that.”

“And you talked to me. But you don’t answer my texts, and you haven’t been to see me since that night. Why?”

John looks up at me. “Let’s walk.”

A bus goes by. I think a bus would be better than dragging John into another train station. But John wants to walk, and if that’s the only way he’ll talk, I will walk to the ends of the earth, just to hear his voice again. 

“I missed you, John. So much. I wanted so much to tell you why I did it, why it mattered.”

“I know. Mycroft stopped by the morning after you popped up in the middle of my date. He explained. I am grateful, you know.”

“But…” I huff in frustration. “I realise that after two years, I can’t expect you to simply move back to Baker Street and start making tea for me. But I miss you.”

“I missed you, too. And I do want—” His pace slows. “There was something I said to you. I mean—”

“To my ghost.”

Eyes straight ahead, he smiles, sad. “Yeah, that. Every time I said it, you disappeared.”

I take John’s arm. “Say it.”

He stops walking. His eyes are closed, his head bowed. He whispers. “Please don’t disappear. Please.”

“John, please. I won’t disappear. I’m here, alive, and I’m not leaving you again. Never again. Please, just say it.”

 I lean close to hear his words, so soft.

“I love you.” 

Eyes still closed, he sways, tears coursing down his face. 

I hold him steady. “Look at me, John.”

John is a soldier. He followed me into that train carriage that turned out to be a bomb. He stood with me while the timer counted down the last minutes (he thought) of our lives. I believe he would have followed me into the hell I’ve been in for the last two years, if I’d only asked him. If only I had.

“Open your eyes, John.”

He obeys. The face I love, the face I’ve imagined for two years. I felt his presence at times while I was on my mission, heard his voice inside my head. But I needed to focus. I had a job to do, and John’s life depended on it. 

If I’d been left alone, nothing useful to do, no danger dogging my steps, if I’d trudged the streets of London so full of grief I couldn’t speak, I might have imagined him walking beside me. I might have said it to him then, at last. 

“John, I love you too.”

We will heal, with time and talk.

Life at 221B Baker Street is better than before. Bad dreams are soothed in the nighttime, and mornings in our bed are quiet and soft, hearing the rain shush against our window. 

“You don’t need to defend what you did,” John tells me. “I know why, and I love you for it.”

--

🥲 I wish you happier tears today! Thanks for reading; you can find my month of stories on AO3: Trifles 3.

[ruh--roh-raggy]

Heart of Wires (Sundrop/Moondrop x DCA!OC Piper)

Hello hello! Welcome to something new and different from me!!! This is my first time writing Sundrop, this is also my first time making an OC! It is with my greatest pleasure that I introduce you to Piper Belle Healy! This whole fic is going to be slow burn, super tooth rottingly sweet fluff. I'm just enamored by these big Bois, I wanna hold their hands and kiss them on the cheek. SO THATS WHAT IM GUNNA DO!! I hope you enjoy! Please let me know if you'd like to be added to the tag list!

WARNINGS: None

You can find my Masterlist here!

Word Count: 3,985

Part 2

“Good morning!” The chipper blond welcomed her with a gapped tooth smile as she sang her greeting. “Piper, right?” The red head nodded in confirmation. “Perfect. I'm Meredith, everyone calls me Merry, I'm gonna be the one showing you around the Pizzaplex!” She motions for Piper to follow her, pushing through the turnstiles with ease before walking into the main lobby. “I’ll give you a more thorough run down after your shift, they never listen when I tell them to have you come tour the place beforehand.” She sighs, stepping onto an escalator and casually leaning up against the railing. “You’re going to be in the daycare, so you’ll be working with Sundrop. It should be pretty easy; arts and crafts, making sure the kids don't hurt themselves, nap time, nothing too crazy. Sun can walk you through it, anything you need, just ask him.”

“Some interesting nicknames around here.” She remarks with a lopsided smile. “Merry and Sun.”

“Oh, Sundrop is his real name!” She responds with a laugh. “I take it you haven't gotten to meet any of the animatronics yet?” Merry gives her an excited glance.

“No, I've seen the posters and stuff, pictures of them in the office when I went in for my interview, things like that, but I haven't, uh, met them?” She says giving the taller blond a look of confusion. ‘Why would I have to introduce myself to a robot?’ She thinks, quickly shaking the thought as she rushes to keep up. She approached a set of large, wooden double doors, the gold handles glistening in the low lighting. She holds the door open for her with a smile, motioning for Piper to walk in ahead of her. Piper fidgets with the sleeves of her sweater, looking around the room to see shoe cubbies and hangers for coats and bags about halfway up the wall. The faded paint was covered in drawings of kids standing next to who you were assuming to be the daycare animatronics. Both of them are tall and slender, one with a sun shaped head, the other a moon. The sun wore yellow and red striped pants that billowed loosely down his legs, you noticed most of the kids had drawn what must have been bells on his wrists and ankles. The moon was dressed similarly, only his pants had white stars against a dark blue background, a matching sleep cap sitting atop his head. She smiled, breathing out a soft laugh as she ran her finger over the waxy artwork.

“We could take the stairs, but the slide’s faster.” Piper jumps as Merry suddenly starts talking. She chuckles seeing the shorter woman’s expression, pointing to a tube that must have led down to the daycare.

“Slide it is.” Piper giggles in response. Merry grabs onto the railing above the slide, jumping slightly before flinging herself down the plastic tunnel. Piper hears the clatter of plastic below before Merry calls for her to come down. She excitedly hops into the slide, unable to stop herself from smiling as she rushes downwards. She yelps slightly as the slide abruptly ends and she’s flung into the waiting ball pit below.

“Sunny! I’ve got a new friend for you to meet!” Merry cups her hands around her mouth as she calls out in the massive playroom.

“A new friend? Oh, how exciting!” Piper hears a voice call from above. Her eyes widen as she sees a large clown with a sun shaped head spin out onto a platform overlooking the daycare. In one swift motion he dove from the platform and into the ballpit, mere feet in front of her. Piper scrambled to find solid ground, hoisting herself up onto the rubber mat covered floor, her foot slipping on one of the yellow pool noodle covered edges. Two sets of articulate robotic fingers wrap around the foam in front of her before the robot hoists himself up to his full height, she scrambles backwards, screaming as she bumps into Merry.

“It’s alright! Piper, this is who you’re working with!” She drops down to her side, shaking her slightly in an attempt to break her out of her panic. She froze, her chest heaving as she watched the golden points whirl around his face.

“You said he was an animatronic!” She exclaims, motioning rapidly to the human-esque figure in front of her.

“He is!” She exclaims. “The technology for him is very advanced, it’s something the owners have been perfecting their entire lives.” She explains with a smile. She looks between the animatronic and the nearly shaking girl in front of her. “Sundrop, this is Piper, she’s the new daycare attendant.” He stands there for a moment. His unreadable expression makes her heart race.

“New daycare attendant, hm?” He suddenly speaks, his voice was so expressive, if she wasn't so terrified of his monstrously tall stature Piper would've been amazed. He slinks closer to her, kneeling down to bring his face directly in front of hers. “I’ll warn you now, the daycare isn’t a place for amateurs.” She furrowed her brows at him.

“I’ll have you know I’m wonderful with children.” She sits up, he jolts back as she suddenly gets close to him. “I would appreciate it if you wouldn’t make assumptions about me considering you just met me a few seconds ago.” He seemed a bit taken aback at her sudden change in demeanor. Just a moment ago she looked so timid and scared, but now she looked like she was ready to bite his head off.

“I’ll let your work speak for you then.” He stands, grabbing her gently by the wrist and hoisting her up with him.

“Sun, play nice, she’s the best resume that’s applied for the daycare in a long time. Who knows, maybe you might even like her.” She smiles and winks at him. She turns to Piper, “I’ll swing back by here at lunchtime, I’ll help you find your way to the cafeteria.” She offers happily. “And don’t let him make you nervous, he’s a drama queen anyways.” She teases, making Piper giggle.

“I wonder why? It’s not like my programming was originally meant for the theater or anything.” He responds sarcastically.

“Show her around the daycare, give her a run down of the schedule, don’t kill each other.” She counts out the tasks on her fingers. “Think both of you can handle that?” They both nod. She gives both of them a wave over her shoulder as she heads off to get ready for her shift.

“So, we start off with free play.” He motions for her to follow him as he prattles on about the schedule for the day. He shows her where all the craft supplies are, where to find the adult-only tools like sharp scissors and permanent markers. He explained that during naptime is when she would meet Moondrop, “let him handle putting the kids down, he doesn’t like it when someone interrupts his system.” He explains. “Other than that, if you’ve worked with kids before, you should know what you’re doing already.” He sighs, obviously expecting her to fail from the start.

“I think I can handle it, don’t worry.” She squeaks with mock confidence, trying to find some way to change the animatronics tune towards her. “Sundrop?” He turns to her. “I’m really looking forward to working with you, I’m sure I can learn a lot.” She noticed how the whirrs and pings of his internal mechanisms grew slightly louder at her compliment. His eyes flicker over her face for a moment.

“Thank you, Piper.”

Piper watches as child after child comes down the slide into the Superstar Daycare. “Friends, if I could interrupt your playtime for just one moment, I have an important announcement to make!” She was pleasantly surprised at how quickly the screams and laughter of the children died down, Sun easily able to catch their attention. “Some of you might have noticed there's a new face around the Daycare today. I would like to introduce all of you to Miss Piper.” There was a chorus of small hello's and hi’s from the group. She jump as Sun suddenly claps his hands together, telling them all they could go back to playing. He strides up to her, her eyes trailing up his long thin frame as he stretches farther above her than anyone she had ever met. She guessed that Sun stood somewhere around 7 feet tall, compared to her short stature he looked nothing short of a gigantic. “Go grab the markers from the supply closet, I'll take care of pulling out the tables and chairs.”

“You know it wouldn’t kill you to say please.” Piper huffs before turning on her heels and hurrying off to get set up for drawing time. Sun can’t help but watch her retreat. Out of all of his time in the Pizzaplex he had never met anyone like her, staff member or otherwise. She wasn't afraid to speak her mind, that was apparent from the small little quips she had spit out at him. Granted, he knew he had a tendency to be a bit harsh towards new hires, but that was only because almost everyone they sent him was incompetent. It's not that Sundrop was mean, he was just a perfectionist. The Daycare Attendants he has worked with in the past didn't care about the kids like he did, they didn't have the same passion for the glitter covered stick figures they would be presented with. But there was something different about Piper. Sun saw how you immediately stopped when one of the kids ran up to you, stooping down to scoop the small boy up in her arms to head in the direction he was pointing in. A ball had gotten stuck in one of the rungs on the play place, too high for any of the kids to reach safely. He watched as she maneuvered herself carefully up the brightly colored structure, wiggling the ball loose before climbing back down. She hands the ball over to the boy, giving him a high five and praising him for asking for help. She smiles as the boy runs off to play with his friends. Her eyes meet Sun’s, causing her to freeze. She lets out a sigh of relief, smiling softly as he offers her a subtle thumbs up. Sun walks away, going to set up the tables for the next activity.

“What do we have here?” A voice purrs in Sun’s head.

“There's a new Daycare Attendant.” Sun mutters quietly out loud.

The voice groans, “another one? They keep sending us these stupid humans-”

“I thought the same thing. But she seems… different.” He explains, sliding the tables across the floor.

“So that's what woke me up.” He lets out a raspy chuckle. “I guess I’ll have to see what she’s like in a couple hours.” The warmth in the back of Sun's head dissipates as his counterpart returns to sleep.

“Sundrop?” He's snapped from his thoughts by her melodic voice. He turns to find Piper standing there with multiple bins of art supplies stacked in her arms. “I have all the crayons, markers, glitter, stickers, glue sticks, and stamps.” He smiles as he listens to her list off everything he would have grabbed. “I'm having some trouble finding the paper.” She admits bashfully.

“Here, let me take these.” The cold tips of his metal fingers brush against hers as he takes the stack of containers from her. He spreads them out across the tables before turning back to her. “Let’s go look for that paper.” She was a bit shocked by his response, she was waiting for him to start yelling at her. He didn't seem too keen on working with someone new, her not being able to complete such a simple task should've set him off. She follows him into the supply closet, he lets out a soft hum as he scans over the shelves. “Here we go.” He pulls out a pack of paper and hands it to her. It appeared to be at the back of one of the very top shelves, a place she couldn't have reached if she tried. “I'll make sure to get all the paper moved down to where you can get it.” He states simply before walking back out into the daycare, leaving Piper to watch him duck out of the closet in a state of confusion. He had seemed to completely change from the animatronic she had met earlier this morning, and she couldn't figure out just what exactly had spurred the sudden shift. She got everything set up for drawing time; separating the stack of paper into smaller piles to make it easier for all the kids to share, opening all the containers and removing a couple markers that had been left uncapped and had dried out. You heard the excited screams and talking of the kids as they ran over to draw. Sun had a child in either arm, a third clung to his leg as he moved in your direction.

“Miss Piper?” Her attention was caught by a girl with strawberry blond pigtails as she tugged on her sleeve.

“Hi honey, what’s your name?” She asks cheerily, kneeling down to be closer to the girl's eye level.

“Haley.” She responds with a huge smile, her two front teeth missing.

“It’s nice to meet you Haley, what’s up?” She looks bashfully over at Sundrop before her eyes immediately dart back to Piper.

“Do you think you could help me draw a picture for Mr. Sun?” She holds out the orange crayon she had clutched in her fist. “I want to make something for him but he’s really hard to draw.”

“Of course I can.” Piper smiles brightly at her, letting out a soft chuckle at her excited expression. Haley grabs Piper by the hand, tugging her back to where she was sitting, telling all of her friends that Piper would help them make pictures for Mr. Sun. She couldn't help but smile as her time was filled with giving high fives to all the excited kids as they showed off their drawings to her, drawing a quick Sundrop head for the kids to color, and being asked a million questions about her bright colored jewelry and fun outfit. Little did she know, the whole time Sun was keeping a close eye on her, absolutely delighted by what he saw.

“How’s everyone doing over here?”

“Sunny!”

“Mr. Sun!”

“Sundrop!” Piper looks over her shoulder to see the large animatronic had made his way over to where she was working.

“Is it okay if I sit here Miss Piper?” He asks with a smile, motioning to the chair next to her. He noticed how some of the kids must have placed stickers on her cheeks, her freckles laced with sparkly stars and neon smiley faces.

“Sure, Sundrop.” She smiles sweetly at him. He crouches into the comically small chair, his knees pressed to his chest.

“Miss Piper’s been helping us draw you Mr. Sun.” Haley exclaims, giggling when the animatronic gives her an amazed expression.

“Really? You all wanted to draw me?” They all clamored over to him, wanting to show off their pictures, most of them drawings of Sundrop holding hands with that child, ‘best friends’ scrawled across the bottom in messy script. “These are so wonderful!” He leans in closer to the group, they all copy his motions with wide eyes, waiting eagerly to see what he would say to them. “How about next you guys draw some pictures of Miss Piper?” They all silently agree before hurriedly turning back to their papers and crayons. He leans back in his chair. “I'll have to admit Piper, you're doing an amazing job.” She found heat settling behind her cheeks at the compliment, her eyes darting over to meet his glowing white ones.

“Thank you, Sundrop.” She smiles shyly.

“You can call me Sun, less of a mouthful.” He chuckles. “If Moon likes you you'll have passed your trial run.” There was a slight teasing tone in his voice.

“Well, lets hope for the best then.” She smiles at him.

She was grateful for nap time once it rolled around, with so many kids it was hard to find a moment to catch her breath. “Go pick your spot.” She shoos off a small boy into the other room, dimming the lights as they all settle in. She softly shuts the door, tucking herself away in a corner so she wouldn't get in Moon’s way. She wondered why she hadn't seen any sign of the animatronic all day. Her eyes immediately drifted to Sun as he stepped in the room, as he shut the door you watch his face spin around, all of the points surrounding his head getting tucked away as a sleep cap appeared. She blinked, the gold and red stripes on his pants suddenly turning to stars.

“You must be this new Daycare Attendant I heard about.” His voice was much raspier than Sun’s, he turned to face Piper, a noticeable difference in his face from the animatronic that had just stepped in the room in front of her. The moon on his face was much more prominent, the other side of his face being blacked out save for his glowing white eye. She was amazed at the complexities of their system, not to mention the immediate difference she noticed in their personalities, if she hadn’t just seen the change in front of her she wouldn't have believed this was the same animatronic. “You just sit back here, I’ll make this quick… and try to stay awake.” He chuckles before slinking off into the dark room. She heard the soft gasps and calls for Moon that he gently shushed, patting each child's head that greeted him as he made his way to the center of the room. The soft sounds of a music box beginning to chime filled the room, a tapestry of stars slowly rotated around the ceiling. Almost like magic Piper noticed the kids near her fall asleep one by one, every one of them in the room asleep by the time his song ended. She found herself yawning, pushing her round, wire framed glasses onto the top of her head as she wiped her eyes. She stretched, her spine letting out a soft pop as she pulled her arms over her head. Her eyes fluttered open, her hand immediately clapping over her mouth to suppress the scream that had welled up in her throat. Moondrop’s face was mere inches away from her own, he studied her closely, slowly crawling around her with almost spider like movements.

“I'm assuming you must be Moon?” She whispers nervously, his gaze didn't feel as judgemental as when she first met Sun, but he still made her nervous nonetheless. He offers her a small nod in response. “I’m Piper.”

“Sun seems very impressed with you Miss Piper.” He coos softly. “I do have to say you're definitely a lot prettier than the usual Daycare Attendants they send us.” He chuckles at her flustered expression. He runs a finger over one of the star stickers on her cheek. “The kids seem to like you too, that’s good.” He carefully maneuvers around her, propping himself up against the wall at her side. “How are you enjoying your first day?”

“It’s been good, definitely not what I was expecting.” She giggles, Moon felt a strange pang in his chest at the sight of her smile. She looks out over the group of sleeping children. “You know, that?” She makes a vague motion to the room. “Very impressive.”

“I have a bit of a talent.” He chuckles in response.

“Do you only come out for nap time?” He was a bit surprised by the genuine curiosity in her tone.

“I can only come out when the lights are off.” He explains. “Nap time, sleepovers, Sun and I switch off after hours.” She sat and quietly chatted with Moon for the rest of nap time, Piper found herself a bit sad to see him go.

“It was wonderful getting to know you.” She smiles softly at him.

“I’ll see you tomorrow, Piper.” The lights gradually grew brighter as nap time came to an end. The sleepy yawns of kids and soft giggles of them talking amongst themselves filled the room.

“Well, good morning!” Sun greets the kids cheerfully as they head back out into the main play area. She timidly makes her way up to his side, feeling a bit awkward standing next to the tall robot. “I take it everything went well with Moon?” She could tell by the softness his expression held that he already knew the answer to that.

“I hope so.” She smiles at him. “I don't want either of you to think I'm an amateur.” She mocks his assumption from the morning with a wink, making him chuckle.

“You definitely proved you're not an amateur Piper.” His hand gently comes to rest on the top of her head. Piper feels a blush spread across her cheeks as he pats the spot between her messy, copper space buns. “I'm sure they're all hungry, let's get them set up for snack time.”

“He hasn't been giving you a rough time, has he?” Merry asks as she hands you a tray.

“No, I've actually been having a lot of fun working with him.” She admits with a small shrug and a bashful smile.

“What about Moondrop?” She follows up.

“He was also wonderful.” You reassure her.

“I'm impressed.” She mumbles as she starts to grab things to eat. “The last three people they hired had already been run off by now.” She chuckles. “I guess they did end up liking you after all.”

“I can't get over how much personality they have.” Piper smiles excitedly.

“I mean, they might as well be people with how complex of a machine they are. They're fully articulate, their AI lets them experience emotion, they're pretty much just like us without the internal organs.” They both pay for their lunches and sit down. “So, now that you've spent a couple hours with them, do you think you’re going to keep the job?” She seemed almost nervous as she asked her.

“Oh, absolutely!” Piper beams. She hurries through her lunch, exchanging goodbye’s with Merry before she heads back to the daycare. So she wouldn't cause a disruption she decided to take the stairs down to the main play area.

“Welcome back.” Sun smiles at her as she approaches. The rest of the day flew by as Piper got dragged off by a small group of kids to go play. She couldn't help but laugh as she caught sight of a girl wearing pastel pink fairy wings riding around on Sundrop’s shoulders, pretending like she was flying. Slowly your group became smaller and smaller as parents arrived to pick up their children, before you knew it you and Sun were alone, cleaning up the disaster left behind. “I'm sorry we got off on the wrong foot this morning.” He suddenly apologizes, nervously tapping the curled golden toe of his shoe on the floor.

“It’s okay, from what Merry told me they threw in some real pieces of work before me.” She giggles in response. “We can always try again tomorrow.” He pauses, straightening up to look at her.

“Piper?” She hums softly, her blue eyes landing on him. Sun felt the words catch in his throat for a second. He takes a few steps closer to her, retrieving a yellow sun sticker from the booklet he kept in his pocket. He presses it to the apple of her cheek, her soft warm skin squishing under his finger as she smiles at his action. “Welcome to the team.”

Tag List: @yellowbunnydreams @twelvelevens

[thecapricunt1616]

Blue Lotus - SxC Fic - Chapter 2

♡ Summary: Carmy & Syd go horseback riding!!! Carmy's therapy friends push him to go for what he wants, his 'light at the end of the tunnel'

♡ W/C: 6,534

♡ Posted Date: 04/07/2024

♡ A/N: Hayoooo!!! I am too inspired... this has become a multi-chap fic hahaha I am havin' so much fun here!! Thank you @gingergofastboatsmojito for inspiring me to keep going!!! ILY! As per usual please know - this fic was inspired by THIS FIC here - Tucson by the GLORIOUS GINGER!!!! Go read that before you even THINK about reading this fic ok?! I love how I hate storer for the same reasons but im a sucker for writing a slowburn - I find myself screaming at MYSELF internally "make them kiss already!!!!" but they will KISSSS SHORTLY SO SHORTLY MY DEARSSSS !!! It will be a JUICY TAYLOR SWIFT DAYLIGHT ASS KISS OK!!!! THEY WILL ONLY SEE EACHOTHER FROM THEN ON!!!! Its gonna be a 'and I can still see it all in my mind all of you all of me intertwined I USED TO THINK LOVE WOULD BE BLACK AND WHITE BUT ITS GOLDENNNNNNN. We need Carmy to realize a few more things but then - he will be hozier level devoted to this woman even more then he already is, I hope you enjoy!!

♡ Warnings for BTC: Not really any? Like? LOL - Swearing?! Smoking cigarettes?! They just went horseback riding & carmy went to therapy- oh Ig talks of carmy getting hard LMAO but thats as crazy as we get this chapter. ➵ 𝐂𝐡𝐞𝐜𝐤 𝐨𝐮𝐭 𝐦𝐲 𝐌𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐩𝐨𝐬𝐭 ♡ ➵ 𝐂𝐚𝐭𝐜𝐡 𝐮𝐩 𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐋𝐚𝐬𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡

Stardust nudges his shoulder so hard he almost falls over, and he turns to look at her. His heart jumped into his throat, his mouth suddenly feeling dry. She was there, she was really there. 

“Uh-” he blinked a few times, to be sure that she wouldn’t disappear. “Syd? Hey..uh-” he felt his entire body buzzing with excitement. He couldn’t help the smile that took over his features. She looked… gorgeous. Carmen wasn’t sure there actually was a word in any human language ever to exist that could describe just how wonderful she looked. 

Her hair was in its natural state, she was wearing an adorable corduroy jacket, black jeans, and white sneakers. “You came to a farm…in those?” he motions to her shoes. 

She laughs a bit “Wow- it’s great to see you too, Carm. Didn’t realize you were…actually like living on a farm” she approached him carefully. 

“Shit- yes- fuck- It’s its so good to see you, Syd, C’mere” he pulls her into a tight, long hug. The smell of her lavender vanilla perfume nearly made him melt. 

“You’re like…tan- and…muscley now” She laughs a bit, squeezing his arm lightly. 

“Uh..” he pulled away, cheeks bright red. “Yeah uh.. It's like- fuckin hard t’ride a horse. And the um…” he rubbed his neck nervously “The uh cows.. They eat hay? Most the time, and so we need to move the bales during the morning for em, they’re like…. 75? 80 pounds? So moving like 10 back and forth every day helps. And I dont really.. Go inside? Here? Its like… uh.. Thats the therapy mostly, the animals- at least f’me” he said sheepishly. 

She nodded, looking around the stable. “That one behind you is yours? Shes been side-eying me creepily since I started talking” she pointed to Stardust. 

“Oh! Fuck sorry yea, well- no…not- not mine- I got ‘er t’trust me. But uh, yeah this is Stardust. She’s a super sweet girl” He explained. Stardust leaned in, sniffing Syds hair carefully. 

“Cute- All you’re missing is a hat” She teased.

He chuckled a bit,  “Ok, c’mon - why are you here, Syd” He said with a small smile, crossing his arms over his chest.

She shrugged, looking at the ground and kicking a rock out of the way with her shoe. “Cause…I was worried- I dunno…” She definitely wasn't going to get bold and tell him that she’d missed him, terribly.

“Ok…well now that y’here, and y’see i’m okay…wanna have some fun?” He asked, a small smile on his lips.

Syd looked back up at him, as if he had 3 heads. “Okay- Where is Carmen Berzatto- Not his… Weird alien clone- Camren Brazota” she said, laughing a bit “what do you mean fun?” She asked, and Carmy laughed, real, and genuine. 

“Well- If I didn’t change my view a little I’d never leave. So, yes, Syd, ‘a little fun never hurt noone’ - per my therapist. Shes fuckin annoying. I much prefer the horses.” He pet Star’s mane and she leaned into his touch.

“Holy shit” Syd laughed a bit. “Wow- alright. I feel like you’re a whole new man already, what kind of fun?” she mused. 

“Ever ridden a horse?” he walked over to the saddle rack, pulling off a double seated one and hanging it over the back of the stall door. 

“No- Actually, Don’t I need um…like - stuff for it?” she asked. 

“Oh don’t think I wont give you the full experience” he opened the riding closet, “Whats your shoe size?” he asked, crouching down and looking through the pairs of extras. 

“8? Er- 9 probably 9” she said. He dug through them until he found a matching pair.

“These should do, y’stuff is cool here we can just leave it in her stall” he told her, holding out his arm for her to hold while she switched her shoes.

“You seem like…” she said as she slipped off her sneaker and put on the boot. “I dunno…chill- well- i wont go that far- but chill-er then before.” Carm snorted a laugh, holding on to her arm to steady her. 

“Thanks? I guess..that’s good right?” He asked. 

“Yeah! Yeah of course…I mean, it’s nice. To see you not so…anxious.” She said, slipping the other boot on. 

“Yeah I um…” he cleared his throat, opening the stall door. “I uh..I’m takin meds- Now? Uh..all this shit. Y’know they have me like tranquilized more then these guys” he said and she laughs, Carmen smiled proudly at the fact, relishing in the wonderful sound. 

“But yeah like Like 3 er..er 4. they say I had all this uh..mental shit. Goin’ on w’me and that’s why I was all…wound up I guess” he explained, calling Star out and getting her harness situated. 

Syd caught herself staring at his arms as he worked, how the toned muscle moved beneath the fabric of the shirt. 

“Aren’t you freezing?” She asked, noticing he wasn’t wearing a jacket like she was. 

“Used to it now, well- I mean the moving around. It gets hot this shit is heavy. Wanna try to hold the saddle?” He asked, unhooking the saddle from the stall door where he’d left it momentarily. 

“It can’t be that bad” she countered. 

“I think this thing weighs probably as much as you do.” He said “hold out your arms” he smiled a bit. 

She lifted her arms out in front of her and he plops the saddle down, she had to plant one of her feet forward so she didn’t fall face first due to the sudden weight and he laughed, catching the saddle quickly and baring most the weight. 

“Told you” he teased. 

She rolled her eyes “yeah whatever. Saddle up the horse, cowboy” she dropped the saddle back in his arms. He hurled the saddle over Stars back with a grunt. 

“Fuckin hell” he huffed, realizing since the saddle was nearly double the weight as his usual, and being on the shorter end- he couldn’t just get it on her when she was standing straight. “Bow” he told the horse and she just stared at Sydney. 

“Don’t embarrass me, Star. Bow” he told her and she looked the other way. 

“So uhhh…this one’s trained, huh?” Sydney teased. 

Carmen looked back at her “mmhmm maybe she doesn’t like strangers” he said, walking over to the other side. 

“Since she’s bein difficult y’gonna have T’help. C’mere” he waved her over and she followed. “So when I push it up, just grab the saddle pad and make sure it doesn’t move, yea?” He asked. 

“The fuck is a saddle pad, dude- I know my way around a kitchen not a fuckin horse stable.” She looked at the many different layers the horse was already wearing. 

“Alright. So this,” he lifted the cloth, “is her blanket. Keeps her core warm. And beneath it” he pats the pad “this is her saddle pad, it makes it more comfortable. So our bones aren’t like..diggin in her back and shit. Also shock, when she jumps the foam of it helps our weight disperse. The saddle is so big and heavy I can’t keep the pad still at the same time, so just hold it f’me,” he took her hand, guiding it to where he wanted her to hold. 

She felt her heartbeat quicken, his hands were so large and calloused on top of her own. She nodded wordlessly, keeping her eyes trained on where she was meant to be holding and focusing on keeping it steady as he went back around and carefully lifted up the heavy saddle with a grunt, laying it over the horses back. 

“Jesus- how much can this thing carry” Syd asked. 

“Well she is a mare, she weighs about…mmm- 1900? She can comfortably hold about 400 pounds for a decent distance but she can’t do that for hours and hours at a time. We together can’t be more then 300, and her gear is less then 100 pounds. Were just goin f’r a quick ride, I gotta get to therapy at 3” he explained as he buckled on her saddle. 

“Ah. So you’ve been memorizing horse information instead of creating recipes? I figured when I got here you’d have gone nuts by now without being in a kitchen so long” she gently touched the horses mane as she spoke. 

“Maybe. Well…I am kinda goin crazy? But I can’t…let it out?” He chuckled a bit “does that make sense? Nights are a little hard before my sleep meds kick in but that just says I haven’t done enough that day” he got up. “So y’gettin up first since I’m sittin in back” he explained. 

“Oh…uh- ok how do I?” She asked looking up at the at least 7 foot tall animal. 

“Y’not gonna be able to do it alone. C’mere” he told her. She comes over and looks at him. 

“How the fuck do you do this?” She looked up at the saddle that was at the top of her head before looking back at him. 

“So-“ he snorts a laugh at her wide confused expression. “She’s not gonna like you trying to roll up on her back, and I don’t want you t’get thrown off, she can be moody with new people. I almost broke my shoulder my first time trying to ride her” he said and she crossed her arms slightly. 

“So how. How do I get up there?” She asked. He pulled out a step stool, setting it next to the horse and getting up on the third step. 

“I’m giving you a lift. Arms up” he said with a playful smirk. 

“No- no way- Carmen that’s too high. You’ll drop me!!” She took a step back, feeling slightly nervous. 

“I won’t because I’ll bribe her Syd. C’mere” he pulled a pack of peep marshmallows out of his pocket and the horse nearly starts dancing. 

“Carm- what the fuck is happening?” She asked and Carmy chuckled. 

“Bow. Cmon Syd wants t’ride. Bow and you’ll get y’treat star.” He told the horse. 

It obediently bowed down and before Syd could process what was happening, Carm was scooping her up beneath her arms Syd squealed in surprise. “Oh my GOD WHY ARE YOU PICKING ME UP!” She shrieked, wiggling in his arms. 

“open y’legs! Cmon! she’s gonna get up!!!” Carmen laughed holding her up higher. Syd finally obeyed and he gently plopped her on the first saddle. “Good girl” he told the horse, feeding her the marshmallow and putting the packet in his pocket again before swiftly getting on behind Syd. 

“Alright. Hard part done.” He reached around her waist, and she lifted her arms slightly. 

“What- can you tell me what’s going on? I’m a horse virgin!” She said, and they both went quiet for a moment, before cracking up laughing. Syd leaned to her left slightly as she tried catching her breath, grabbing the rein for stability and tugging. 

Star took off sprinting, Syd screamed in surprise, her body going tight with fear. Carmen quickly wrapped his arms around Syds waist protectively, tugging on the reigns “WOOOOAH!” He called to Star and she quickly came to a stop. 

“Stand.” He told the horse firmly. 

“What the fuck Carm I thought she was trained!” Syd exclaimed, gripping onto his forearms for dear life. 

“I gotchu, you think I’d let her kick you off?” He tightened his arms around her. Carmen swore his heart was thumping so hard that she felt it on her shoulder blade. 

“Also when she moves it’s hard to keep still.” She said nervously. 

“Don’t worry, I gotchu, Syd. Lean into me, if our weight is centered then it’ll be easier for all 3 of us” he gently pushed at her stomach. 

She leaned back into his broad chest, “see” he said softly. He was lucky the angle didn’t allow for her to see him, because his face was bright red, And having her body pressed against his…was making him flush somewhere else too. 

He clicked his tongue and Stardust started walking again, at an easy comfortable trot. “This…is ok.” She said, much more comfortable now. 

“I’m gonna take you t’one of my favorite spots.” He said, pulling on the reins to the left lightly so she would follow the left trail. 

“Wow, already sharing secret spots huh? I think this therapist may just be Doctor of the year I don’t even think I’ve seen your favorite Chicago spots” she teased. 

Carm laughed a bit, he felt so much lighter with Syd around. And life had been lighter ever since he got here. 

“How is…uh- how is it back home?” He cleared his throat lightly. It was something that had being weighing on him. Yes, he was here, he was doing the thing. He was making Sugar happy. He was making Syd happy…but he would go back, at some point. 

And his biggest fear was things will just go right back. He won’t have this outlet, he won’t have sunset rides with Stardust to ease his mind. He won’t have the cows happily running up to him and greeting him when he was the first one to bring out a bale of hay. He felt like if he was here, he may have the confidence to tell Syd how he feels. But back home? It was another life. 

“Fine..things are..y’know. The usual shit. But nothing bad, no one’s getting locked in any freezers if that’s what you mean” she said playfully. 

Carm rolled his eyes with a light smile. “Mmhmm. So the restaurant is-“ 

“Is fine.” She said. “I’d have told you. You know that.” She said and he nodded a bit. 

“I know she scared you back there…but it’s pretty fun to go fast. You wanna try?” He asked. 

She shifted a bit uncomfortably, her hands tightening around his arms that were holding the reins around her waist. “Uhh…maybe? Are you sure we won’t fall off?” She questioned. 

“I’m sure. Here you can be the one to control it. Start light ok? With your legs.” He gently ran his hands down her thighs to right below her knees “here” he said softly, squeezing the flesh gently so she wouldn’t have to lean and look. “With that part of your legs, give her a little squeeze. But really light, or we’ll take out of here like a bat out of hell” he held around her waist again, securely holding the reins. 

“Mmhmm” she said, she was beginning to feel hot- and not because she’d done any hard work in regards to getting the horse ready. 

“Alright. Whenever you’re ready, you’re the boss” he said the last part softly in her ear. If it wasn’t for her jacket, he would see the goosebumps that had risen on her arms. She nodded quickly, staring straight ahead and trying to maintain her composure. 

“So I just?” She squeezed gently and the horse picks up her speed slightly. “Oh…ok” she said. 

“Told y’she was trained” Carmy teased and she rolls her eyes. 

“Mmm you’ve done a very good job, bribing this horse with peeps. The staff know you do this?” She asked. Carmy snorted a laugh

“No. But she’s healthy. Made sure. She only gets one or 2 if she doesn’t listen.” He admitted. 

She shook her head with a smile. “And how��d you find this out, Carm?” She leaned into him once more. 

“I…” he laughed a bit, his chest vibrating with the movement and it made her heart warm. 

“I uh…spent a few days in the library here. Reading up. After she threw me off. It’s all about trust with em. So I never lied to ‘er and I’ve never done something she didn’t expect because I always try to warn her.” He said, pulling her reigns a bit tighter. 

“This is like a joyride Syd cmon, I said fast not an evening stroll.” He teased. 

“Fine. Mister horse master- show me what Miss Stardust can do.” She said. 

With 2 kisses and a quick tap of his heel, they were off like a rocket. He held Syd steady, being sure she wouldn’t have to do most the work of holding herself center as he gripped each reign with the opposite hand, holding them taught so Star knew to keep going. 

Syd laughed, the wind flicking her dark curls all around. He wished she could see her amused expression. “Holy shit this is the best!” She shouted over the loud thuds of Stars hoofbeats. 

“I know right! Can you believe she can go faster?” He said, holding his knees taut around her hips to keep her from sliding. 

“Okay we are not! This is fine!” She said and sat up a bit “are we going into the-” She asks as Star begins to barrel through a creek, the freezing water spraying up and around them getting them slightly wet, the freezing water splashing from their calves up to their cheeks.. “CARMY!” She screams through laughter. 

He could barely catch his breath as he laughed so hard his stomach and ribs ached. “I’m sorry!! Syd! Oh god-“ he chuckled “woah girl- woah” he called to the course and she slowed down once again to a stop. 

“Fuck-“ Carmen chuckled “you okay?” He asked, picking a wet leaf from her jacket and throwing it to the forest floor. 

“Yeah- I’m.. I’m fine. That was really fun actually. C’mon I wanna see the spot” she said and took it upon herself to tug the reins so Star would take off again

“Shi-it!” He quickly finds his balance, “warn me!! Oh god I almost flew off!!” He told her. 

“You think I’d let her throw you off?” She mimics him from earlier and he takes the chance to playfully pinch her waist 

“Yes because who’s in back and who’s in front?” He wrapped his arms around her again, taking the reins from her grasp. “Your reign privileges have been revoked for this riding lesson, Ms.Adamu”  

She laughed a bit “I’ll earn them back. Don’t worry” she mused. 

“Mmm we need to talk about more shit before I just literally hand the reins over. Coulda spooked her and we’d be fuckin dead.” he angled the outside reigns so she’d slow down as they came to the clearing. 

“Here we are” he hopped off, raising his arms to help her down. 

She carefully reached out for him and he lifted her off, gently setting her down. “Holy fuck Carmy” she turned around, watching the waterfall cascade down over the rocks. 

“Right! Told you. It’s a fire spot” he went over to one of the rocks he usually sat at, plopping down and taking out a cigarette. “Oh- shit- can’t have y’running off” he told Stardust and chuckled, leaving the cigarette between his lips as he walked over to her, guiding her over to the tree, and hooking her right rein around a branch before sitting back down. 

“Yeah…I can’t remember the last time I went somewhere so…” she trailed off, looking at all the trees and running water. 

“Green?” Carmy lit his cigarette, taking a drag. “Not packed with smog? Somewhere that doesn’t smell like shit.” He said as he exhaled. 

“…yeah” she said and laughed a bit. “Yeah. Guess that’s it.” She came and sat next to him. “What did you mean about her getting scared?” She asked curiously. 

“Oh- a scared horse will fucking kill you. Not on purpose, but they’re big and pure muscle, and will do anything to get away from danger. I scared the shit out of her one time, that was it. Dislocated my shoulder 8th day here. Doing that hurts like a bitch by the way.” He rolled his shoulder gently. 

“How’d you manage that? God I knew you were shit at chatting up girls but she dislocated your shoulder?” She teased. 

He rolled his eyes with a playful smile, taking another drag. “Yes, I was fuckin around on the trail, dunno why- but there was this branch sticking out so I grabbed it, it snapped, she fuckin reeeared dude. I flew back so hard. My back might still be bruised I’m not sure. Still hurts a little to laugh” he said. 

“You better have seen a doctor” she said. 

“Ohhh silly Syd.” He sighed, a puff of smoke filling the air in front of him. “We aren’t allowed to refuse treatment here. If you get hurt, and you refuse to get help, it’s considered self harm, which leads to them believing you have suicidal ideation, which leads to you being locked in the actual nuthouse. So yes. I willingly went to the doctor daily for a week. And now, I’m being checked on once a week. So yeah. Oh and therapy daily. And every day I’m given my meds and someone checks over ‘pre-existing injuries’ which that is now considered. So yeah. I’m good. I’m fuckin fine as fine can be.” He said. 

“Awww poor little chef, being taken care of so well that’s so hard isn’t it?” She teased and he gives her a playful glare, but couldn’t help but crack a smile when he realized she was smiling too. 

“I was being taken care of fine at home by myself but you and my sister just had to ship me off after one tiny accident” he leaned back on his hand, taking another drag of his cigarette. 

“It stops becoming an accident when you didn’t care, Carm. You didn’t care. It didn’t phase you. You weren’t even…you weren’t even scared. Just because you didn’t do it on purpose doesn’t mean you did the sane thing which would have been doing everything you could to not let something like that happen.” She said, her tone suddenly serious. 

He looked down at his lap, swallowing thickly. He suddenly felt all of the armor he’d spent the last 31 days chipping at, slowly start to meld back together and shell him back in at the shame the whole situation was making him feel. 

“I have nightmares…you know. About it. What happened” she said quietly, and he could physically feel his heart ripping open. 

The only sound between them was the bubbling stream, and the sounds of their even breaths. 

“I’m sorry.” He said quietly, gaze fixed on his lap knowing he would burst into tears at the admission she’d been so deeply plagued by something he’d done, if he had looked at her.

“I know” was all she said, gently resting her hand on top of his. He felt the same fireworks exploding in his chest that he only ever felt when she was around. 

“Do you um…” he clears his throat and shook his head, embarrassed by the question plaguing his mind. “Never mind it’s..it’s stupid.” He removed his hand, putting his cigarette in it and resting the hand opposite of her on the rock. 

“That usually means it’s not stupid. What?” She coaxed, bumping his knee with hers gently. 

“It’s stupid” he said again, shrugging his shoulders. 

“It can’t be stupider then asking me what UPS means” She said playfully. He rolled his eyes, smiling and looking over at her. 

“And what if it is?” He questioned. 

“I would be..worried they’re giving you a bad concoction of meds that’s turning your glorious chef brain in to Swiss cheese” she teased 

He snorts a laugh. “I was gonna ask..if you wanted to cook..t’night. My cabin…it uh- has a kitchen? I haven’t cooked in a month. They give us food so I haven’t really bothered but…seeing you makes me miss it more, I guess” he blushed, looking back down at his lap. 

“Well obviously. Not gonna let you eat whatever bullshit they’ve been giving you while I’m around.” She said and he shook his head, meeting her gaze once more with a playful smirk. 

“Maybe you should check in. My therapist says it’s bad apparently to feel ‘responsible for others’ - says it’s a ‘subconscious self harming behavior’ “ he teased. 

She smiled a bit. “Okay- say I do. How about, I check in now, we shoot the shit for what- eleven more days- then, you go back home- and see how stressful it is in that restaurant when one of your hands is basically missing” she plucked the cigarette bud he’d forgotten about from between his fingers before it burnt him, flicking it into the creek. 

“You know that’s the first time I’ve seen you smoke- other then…me like checking on you when you were about to explode at work. But you’ve never…pulled one out and smoked it I guess” she said, pulling her knees to her chest and resting her cheek on her forearm as she looked at him. 

“Oh…” he said, pulling one of his legs up and resting his arm on it. “Didn’t realize you noticed” he said, brushing some dirt off his jeans. 

“I notice a lot of stupid shit about you, it’s kinda annoying honestly.” She said without thinking, her eyes widening when she realized and she looked the other way, resting her other cheek on her knee and squeezing her eyes shut. 

Why would you ever say that?! She asked herself internally. 

“Oh?” He said again, smiling a bit. “You do?” He questions, but that was as far as he’d push. 

“Mhm” was all she responded. Carmys phone started buzzing in his pocket and he pulled it out in case it was one of the ‘base keepers’ they called them. Carmy rather call them babysitters. He knew what they were for, being sure if they were out of sight too long they were making sure they could still get ahold of them. 

He sighed in relief when he saw it was just his 2:40 alarm. “Gotta go” he stood up, offering his hand to Syd. “Like- now. Or my ass is getting chewed out.” 

The ride back to the cabins was mostly silent. He had no stool this time, so he had to pick up Syd essentially by the ass and gently place her on Stars back so she didn’t get spooked. 

He was embarassed as fuck that the tiny action had the crotch region of his jeans tightening more then was casually explainable. Thank god no one was around to see him awkwardly hop in the way of his semi hard third leg down his left pant leg, grunting but covering it with a dry cough when she settled her ass back into him to ‘center their gravity’ 

Syd absolutely felt the firmness pressing into her ass. She thought it was a bit funny, but also brushed it off to the strange friction that came with riding a horse. She couldn’t allow herself to fully believe his teenage like excitement was due to her, or she’d go insane. 

Carmy dropped Syd off at his cabin, giving her the key and telling her he’d put up Stardust and be back by 5, she would be blushing if it weren’t for her mahogany complexion at the domesticity of it all - er what she could imagine domesticity with Carmy would feel like. 

Her panties were also soaked through from the feeling of his enormous length pressed into the curve of her ass - the entire way back - but she just chalked that up to not getting laid for a few months, and misreading his natural arousal for him being horny- she quickly pushed the thought down and just chalked it up to the horse. Because guys get hard when they ride horses…right? Right?!

Carmen arrived to therapy extremely frustrated, and extremely ready to talk. He sat down in his regular spot in the back, tapping his knee nervously and covering his crotch with his hands. Luckily, thinking about his mother was enough to make him soft nearly instantly so he had that to thank her for at least. 

“Alright guys!” Julienne, the usual Friday therapist came in, sitting in her spot in the circle. “Who is up today! We are-“ she looks at her iPad “oh! Yes this is another OP class, so- no pressure but, I wanna hear what’s goin on!” She crossed her legs. 

Julie was far from his favorite therapist, at Blue Lotus. But he wasn’t his least favorite. So he would still talk. He cleared his throat, raising his hand slightly. 

“Carmy?! What a treat! Okay what’s up” she grabbed her little stylus pencil. He bit the inside of his lip nervously. He despised how casual she tried to make this all feel. 

“Uh…so- my um…business partner, she came to see me. I guess I haven’t been…keeping touch? Enough? She just said she was worried…” he cleared his throat again, gaze fixed on his lap. “And uh…I’m startin’ t’-t’realize stuff?” He sniffled nervously, rubbing his mouth with slightly clammy, nervous hands. 

“She uh..” he chuckled a bit. “She…she just…showed up. Didn’t hear shit from ‘er. She probably knew that I’d uh…I’d tell ‘er no?” He finally meets the gaze of Julie. 

“Okay. You know guests are allowed right? Like- during the visiting hours, 6am to 11pm, no fraternizing between patients but-“ Carmen cuts her off

“We aren’t - no. Not fraternizing” He shook his head. “But uh…today? We were- we were sitting. This spot, near uh, Jupiter point? On the north side. And I had this- this urge T-to tell her…everything.” He shook his head, looking at the floor again. 

“So…you wanted to tell her you love her?” Jesse, one of the guys he’d had lunch with a few times piped up. 

“T’be honest, I don’t know.” Carmen said honestly, looking at him. 

“Well what does it feel like?” Jesse asked, sitting up a bit. 

“What? Like- what does what feel like?” Carmen asked curiously. 

“Her. Being with her. Talking to her? Inside. Like. Your chest. Your skin?” He questioned. 

“Uh…” Carmen sat back, swallowing thickly and crossing his arms over his chest. He thought for a moment. 

“Hot. I get hot. All over. My chest feels tight but - but good? Like- a hug almost. And then…when she…” he blushed, looking down with a shy smile. “When she touches me” he shook his head slightly. “When she touches me it’s like um.. fireworks? Like fireworks beneath my skin.” He chuckled a bit at how cheesy it sounded. 

“And you haven’t fucking nailed her?” Jessie asked plainly. 

Carmen furrowed his brows, glaring at him. “No” he clenched his jaw “I haven’t.” He snips. 

“Dude- you are- pussy whipped with no pussy?! You- you love her, Carmen. You love this chick. I feel like I’m looking in a weird straight mirror - the first time-“ he laughed a bit “the first time I kissed a guy- god. He was so hot. But I had no idea! I had no idea. I really thought that I was just-“ he shook his head “that I was just wanting to befriend him? Or something? But like- I wanted to fuck him. And when I did kiss him? Something unlocked in my brain dude. It was like…like a whole new world. I felt like I knew - I knew what love could feel like? Just ‘cause of that one kiss “ he shrugged. 

Carmen looked at him, arms crossed, trying to absorb everything he was saying even though every fiber of his former self was screaming to take it with nothing more than a grain of salt. 

“Kiss her dude. Kiss her.” Jesse said and sat back in his chair. 

“Well. Although, consensual sexual instances are against the code of conduct to discuss - I am very proud to see you two coming out of your shells. Has anyone else felt… confused in their romantic endeavors and would like to share?” Julie asked. 

Carmen crossed his arms tighter, looking down at his lap. This was quite unusual for him, he was one of the patients to only add what he had to to be credited during inpatient, and during outpatient - only spoke when he really and honestly had to. 

“Uh-“ the super tall girl, Shayna sits up. Carmen was never really sure why she was here. She looked…perfect by all means. Perfect skin, perfect nails, pretty face, long blonde hair, a perfect body by girl standards. Or at least what Carmen had understood of them.

 “Not really the same.. but before I came out? I like…I would uh buy…girl clothes. That I liked. For my girlfriends at the time…” she blushed “and um.. I realized after a while that I liked them. And I wasn’t just..wanting to see my girlfriend in them. And like- it’s not the exact same, but when he said… about how Jesse realized he wanted the guy. That’s how I felt when I finally tried the clothes on” she shrugged. 

Carmen was…aghast. He just simply stared at her. He’d never met- or thought-  he’d ever met a trans person before today. But…Shayna? 

Well- he was wrong because he had met her, they actually knew each other fairly well as far as patients go, she joined the program when he did. When they first met, she’d made a joke about how they were the tallest girl and shortest guy in the class, so that meant they were bound to be friends, since opposites attract - and that earned a chuckle out of him before his meds had even fully evened out. 

“I love the cis-and-confused look- it’s cute” she said and laughed a bit. Carmen blushed, smiling a bit. 

“Not confused- well, maybe. Maybe a little. Y’Just so…dainty? I dunno..” he shrugged. 

“In case you haven’t noticed- mr.little man syndrome- you’re only one out with the cows doing the hay on time in the morning. Ninty percent of the group is your version of dainty ” Jesse teased. 

“Jesse” Julie gives him the look. “I’d assume that means- the rest of you that aren’t out helping with the bales- are scraping out the cow pens? Since Carmen is doing all the hard work according to you.” 

“I’m not girl- fuck no! The second I got out of inpatient house arrest? I walked my happy ass down to Walmart and bought me some blackout curtains. I recommend those to all of you! Oh my god and some ear plugs!! The stupid fucking roosters! Worst 15 days of my lifeee! I’m never coming back here peace and love to you all though. Truly. Can’t stand this cow shit stank ass place.”  Shayna said dramatically, causing Carmen to chuckle a bit.

 He had loved her boldness since they’d met. If Shayna didn’t want to do something- she wasn’t doing it. He learned that the day the staff tried to force her on anti-depressants. One of the main therapists got a Wellbutrin straight to the eye, they never attempted that battle the same way again. 

“We know Shayna you aren’t shoveling scat, princesses don’t do that” Jesse mocked her valley girl tone. 

“Okay! Okay. Alriiiight! Back on track- done with the bickering!” Julie said. “Now that open call is over let’s move on to breakthroughs. This issss-“ she looks at her iPad “ah- yes! D group. So. That makes it-“ he checks her watch “ah- right. 11 days! How are your light tunnel projects going?” She questioned. 

Carmen’s chest tightened, but not in the Syd is smiling or he made Syd laugh way- in the - I haven't done something I was meant to do way. 

The Light Tunnel project wasn’t hard. It was simply one thing you have done that you had wanted to do when you came into the program. And Carmy knew what his answer was, 

Admit how he felt to Sydney. 

Or, as his Therapist- Mandy told him ‘become more truthful with yourself and those you know about how you feel’ because “counting on someone to like him back would put him at square one” he had pretended to understand, but knew that he had to tell her and soon - or he was going to really go insane. 

“ my light tunnel was to talk to my asshole father- but lucky for me I just caught wind the motherfucker finally died thank god. So by default I win and don’t have to be here anymore cause his abandonment was what fucked me up anyhow“ Shayna said jokingly, causing Carm to snort a laugh. He knew she was only joking about the leaving early part, not the father part. Her father was an even bigger piece of shit then Carmen’s was, he had come to learn.

“Mmm that isn’t how it works we know that Shayna. We’ll talk more about this in one to one “ Julie told her and Shayna crossed her long legs, looking out the window. 

The last 20 minutes of the session Carmen sat silently, looking out the opposite window to Shayna, watching the horses running around in the field before they got called in for dinner and just spacing out, thinking about what he may say to Syd. 

“Yo - Carm space cadet” Shayna said before kicking his boot he jumped a bit, looking up at them both and had realized the room since had cleared and Julie was preparing for her next session. 

“Shit.” He said “how long have I been like…like that?” He asked, his cheeks feeling hot. 

“It’s the OCD meds. They get you stuck in a happy thought loop sometimes. Are you just gonna sit here? You wanna do another hour of this with sniveling group a? They got here three days ago.” Jesse said. Carm shook his head, getting up. 

“No- no sorry” he said starting with them outside. Shayna laughed a bit 

“You were thinking of screwing that business partner aren’t you. “ she said, causing Carmys cheeks to go pinker. 

“Shayna shut up!” Jesse scolded, pushing her shoulder lightly. 

“Awwww carmyyy are your feelings hurt little buddy? Do you need a hug? Jesus men are such pussys” she pushed open the doors of the therapy cabin for them. 

“Let me see pictures of this hot chick. If you don’t fuck her I will and I bet I’d do a better job” Shayna teased as they started heading back towards the cabins. 

Carmen couldn’t even process what she said as he felt his breath get caught in his chest, he saw her. She was sitting on the porch of his cabin, criss-cross in one of the rocking chairs as she writes in her notebook. He couldn’t help but stop and stare at the way the setting sun hit her bronze skin, her curls casting intricate patterned shadows on the wood. He felt his heart pick up, his chest squeezing in that way, the way that only happened when he saw her. 

Shayna and Jesse stopped after a few moments when they realized Carm had gotten stuck behind. They both follow his gaze carefully to see what he was so fixed on, like a trance. 

“Holy fuuuck!!! Holy fuck how did I get this lucky!! She’s here? She’s here still?!” Shana asked excitedly, “oh my god- you’re getting laid- tonight” she excitedly skips up to the cabin and Syd looks up, locking eyes with her before seeing Carmen just a few paces behind.  “I’m Shayna! Do you and Carm wanna hang out with us tonight?”

➵ 𝐍𝐞𝐱𝐭 𝐂𝐡𝐚𝐩𝐭𝐞𝐫 ♡♡♡

[whalesandclouds]

How can I have more confidence in myself? | PAC reading

Hi there! Ahh it feels like it has been ages since I posted one of these. As usual, please pick an image from below. If unsure, close your eyes for a moment, breathe in and out a couple of times and then try again. Take only what resonates. Any feedback is always appreciated!

1-2 3-4

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PILE 1

You can have more confidence in yourself by not letting your pride get in the way. Sometimes without noticing our ego has started to lead our lives. Logical rational mind triumphs over your heart and intuition. In this case, it is best to take a step back and allow your emotions to come to the surface to be explored. What does your heart want to tell you but your mind is ignoring? There should always be a healthy balance. Following your intuition naturally gives you the confidence you need to walk on your path. Then you are able to allow more love in your life, which will help to flow through life with ease.

An extra message for some is regarding birthing new life. If you are thinking about it or are currently expecting, motherhood/fatherhood will help you find fulfillment. By finding fulfillment, you will whole and have no more room for doubts within yourself.

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PILE 2

You can have more confidence in yourself by having hope. You may be stuck in your head a bit too much feeling like the whole world is against you. But you have a lot of helpers on your side even if you don’t see it outright. You can always reach out for help during difficult situations, this can lead to new solutions if you are open enough to see them. The Universe wants you to know that you are on the right path and asks you to keep moving forward. Step by step you will gain more confidence in yourself and where you are headed. It may be helpful to ask yourself if this is what you really want and are you willing to continue putting effort in? To be crystal clear and know that there is light at the end of the tunnel if you decide to keep moving forward with this.

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PILE 3

You can have more confidence in yourself by allowing yourself to be who you are. By allowing the world to see the real you. I am getting such positive feelings for your pile. If you truly embrace yourself for who you are, everything will be open to you. I’m seeing a flood of gifts and blessings and fulfilled wishes. Ah this makes me so happy to see and I am grateful that I get to pass on this message to you. You have already gone through your own hardships and battles, you definitely deserve all the prosperity that wants to burst into your life. Even so, do not forget that practical steps are still required for your dreams to come true. So just keep going! You are doing great!

Affirmation: I receive all the gifts that Life has to offer me with an open heart and an open mind.

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PILE 4

You can have more confidence in yourself by finding the Light within you. It is always good to speak your mind, however words do have consequences and impact other people. The Universe is advising to think before speaking and not to be drawn into unnecessary arguments and conflicts. You are someone, who will stand up for injustice, but do your words do more damage than good at this time? By stepping back from unnecessary situations, you are able to bring the focus back on yourself and your path. Don’t allow others to distract you from proceeding onwards. You have been working hard and things are finally starting to align. You are also advised to have more patience. But don’t worry, you are completely supported on your journey. You know what to do with your vision, keep your gaze ahead of you.

Clear vision. Confirmation. Right Timing. Opportunity.

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[marvel-starwarsfangirl]

Why I Love Crosshair- A Story About Persevering

I talk about Crosshair so much on my blog. With TBB ending in a few days, I wanted to share with y'all why he resonates with me so deeply. This show and these characters have touched the hearts of so many in this fandom. I'm curious, which Batcher has resonated with you? Anyways, here we go!

Crosshair's hot. That's it. I'm a simple woman. Moving on.

He's really freaking cool- I'm not gonna like, seeing Crosshair make those trick shots has me on the edge of my seat. It's just so much fun to watch someone do an incredible skill whether it's dance, playing music, or in Crosshair's case, take out several battle droids with one shot. I love it.

His character arc- Crosshair is one of the most interesting and complex characters I've met in recent years. I'm not going to lie, it's refreshing to see a really well-written morally grey character. Crosshair's one and only loyalty is to his family (plus a few others). He will do anything for them. However, Crosshair isn't drawn to some bigger cause like Echo or Omega are. From my POV, it's something interesting to think about. What makes a good person? How far is one willing to go for someone they love? At what point does that loyalty and love turn selfish or self-destructive? These are all questions that Crosshair's character brings up.

I also appreciate the love and passion put into his character. Jennifer and the team took their time to give Cross a proper redemption. It wasn't as simple as "Crosshair just flips on a dime" or "he dies proving he still loved them." No. The change had to come from Crosshair. Crosshair had to be the one to make the steps towards coming home. It had to be his choice and his choice alone, not something that was forced onto him. I really appreciate that tbh. People are so complex and we all make mistakes. Crosshair made some pretty bad choices (not that he was 100% in control). Still, he had to figure things out for himself and when he was ready, he decided to come home.

His story- Crosshair's story is one of struggle and persevering in my eyes. "The Outpost" is one of the best depictions of what it's like to struggle with mental health. It's why I love it so much. I see a lot of myself in Crosshair. So often, it's much easier to just lie down and quit. But Crosshair doesn't quit. No. He fights. He fights so hard and in the end, he makes it. To see Crosshair come home after so long meant the world to me. There is a light at the end of the tunnel. You can and will make it. And he didn't do it alone. Omega continued to be a light in his life. Crosshair reminds me to never give up. Even when it all seems impossible, we need to keep going and there is hope for the future. When he meditates with Omega, I almost cried. That episode reminded me of my mom because she's constantly encouraging me and supporting me. She always tells me that I have to be the one to help myself. It's difficult and she will be there, but I can't just expect things to fix themselves. Similarly, Omega told Crosshair that he needed to help himself. I don't think I've ever related to a SW character as much as I have with Crosshair.

Crosshair has taught me so much about myself. Through him, I've learned that there's a lot going on in my head that I need to work on. I realized why S1 Hunter pissed me off so much. Because like Cross, there are times at home where I feel like no one listens. He taught me to keep going, to keep fighting, especially in times of great uncertainty. Crosshair and Omega's relationship shows just how special the impact of one person can have. I see their relationship reflected in my life in many ways. There's so much more I can say about Cross, but we would be here forever lol.

I am so grateful for Crosshair. I am so grateful for his story. He might be just a character, but he's really helped me tackle some rough times in my life. I love him with all my heart and will forever be thankful to TBB team for bringing his story to life.

Thank you DBB, Jen, Brad, Michelle, and everyone on TBB team. Thank you for everything ❤️

[leonsmamacita]

"Drunk on Lust"

a/n: hello! so this is my first ever fic written/posted in public, mostly bc im shy nd i get intimidated a bunch jsjsjjs but! that changes today! anyways i dont wanna make this too long, so tldr; just lmk if i did good nd if there is any suggestions u wanna give, feel free to! idk how tumblr rlly works so sorry if tags/cw is off

word count: 2.1k(???) (yes i do hate myself)

disclaimer: just bc i write it dont mean i condone these actions irl! this is purely for entertainment purposes ONLY; practice safe sex + drink responsibly <3

MDNI; +18 ONLY

cw: a tad of angst, alcohol abuse ( reader is forced to consume alcohol ), mentions of vomit, heavy degrading, mention of breeding, overstimulation, edging, p in v, no comfort/no aftercare, manipulation, mentions of guilt-tripping, BDSM ( temperature play, spanking, sadism ), mentions of lactation, he comes inside, empty sex ( fwb ), no use of y/n; not proof read!

song below is the main inspo for this fic if u are interested to give a listen to!

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"Great, just what I fucking needed."

Waking up with a splitting headache along with a burning migraine from a hangover was a feeling Leon found himself all too familiar with as of late; breath reeks of cheap booze and remnants of whatever he had for dinner. In a daze, he sat up and found himself in more pain than usual. Although only in his prime (around the 30's), his body feels as though it had gone through decades.

Phone now in hand, he checks his inbox and sees an unread message sent by the one person who can take away not only the physical pain, but the emotional kind as well— his own personal carrier for his emotional baggage. A snort leaves his nose as he reads the message; you always aimed to please, telling yourself constantly that you are only doing this to help a friend out. A "friend", how cute. So pretty, so young, and yet so naive.

On his way to your place, he spaces out for a moment or two. He would always find himself in this suffocating mog of black, a place his fucked up brain traps him in against his will. A never ending spiral that he keeps getting swept up in— no matter how many times he tries to regain control, it always ends up out of his hands due to the cruel will of fate. That was, until he met you.

As corny as it was, you were the light at the end of this dark tunnel he trapped himself in. Unhealthy habits; he would do them all, and no one would bat an eye. You were the only one who truly cared, who truly worried— he could not let you go. He looses himself to you each and every time, much more than he does to alcohol. When he admitted this to you, you were more than willing to offer yourself to him in any way he sees fit. It doesn't matter if he was mildly intoxicated or black out drunk, you would always welcome him in with open arms. And open legs.

"Hey, you."

Your voice snapped him out of his daydream. How did he not manage to crash on his way here? Perhaps it was his body usually going on autopilot during those moments. His mind was already wired into what turns to take, what lane to switch to on the highway, and what apartment complex building you reside at. As long as it leads to you.

Not wanting to waste another second, his lips crashed into yours. You already smelled the alcohol, sweat and vomit on him, it was only more intense as you tasted it on your tongue. No matter, you agreed to this anyways. You want this as much as he does— he conditioned you to do so. Fumbling with the leather of his jacket, he slips it off and tosses it to the side, doing the same with your sleep-shirt. Your nipples stiffen at the draft of cold air fanned against your areolas, moaning at how sensitive they grew out to be after Leon forced you to get those piercings.

His gaze falls on the ends of the silver bars, tempted to suck them harshly enough you were sure enough to lactate— even though you couldn't. But, he has to be patient, you had only gotten them three months ago. No worries, he will have his way with your tits soon enough. His rough thumb pads gently trace down the side of your hips to your love handles, holding onto them as he hoists you up into his arms. Sitting you down on the kitchen counter, he nips at your neck as he desperately tugged down your pajama shorts along with your undergarments.

Without hesitation, he opens his flyer to take out his painfully hard cock— the tip crying of pre as he taps it against your clit, sending a jolt of raw pleasure to shoot straight to your core and all throughout your lower abdomen. With his free hand, he takes out his hip flask and looks at you with that familiar glint of lust in his eyes.

"Open up."

A beat too slow passes; before you could register what he is planning to do, he scissors you open with his fingers and shoves the opening of the flask past your lips, forcing you to take him and to drink whatever cheap booze was inside the flask all at once. It was overwhelming, too much, and yet it was creating the perfect storm between you two— enough to make both of you moan at the sensation.

The cold counter meets the flesh of ass, sticking to it just slightly as your slick runs down your thighs and around the girth of his fat, long fingers. Dragging you onto him, using you as if you were a living sex doll; no regards for your pleasure whatsoever. Feeling a bit dazed, possibly from the alcohol he forced you to take, you whimper. It only intensifies at the fat of his calloused fingers kissing the opening of your g-spot, causing that delicious burning sensation you can't get enough of— you were sure you were going to be aching by the time he is done with you, and he is just getting started. Feeling your walls flutter around him, he quickly pulls out, leaving you whining as you clench around nothing.

He coos at you softly, making those empty promises of making you cum— he never lives up to it however. It's not like he can't, he could. But, he likes to be an asshole and rip away the pleasure from you, costing you an explosive orgasm that leaves you crying as the feeling quickly coils back painfully into your core; denying you pleasure is an all-time favorite for Leon, even if he ends up blue-balling himself as well. Makes coming inside you all worth it.

Grabbing the bottle of liquor you took a shot of earlier to hype yourself up before Leon came over, he smirked darkly at you, drinking in every detail of your pathetic self trembling at the denied pleasure. An eerie silence falls between them, before it was interrupted with a loud gasp falling from your lips and a low hum leaving Leon's.

"What, can't handle it? C'mon, you're a big girl," he teased, disregarding your pleas and the crescent-shaped cuts you leave on his biceps as you clawed away at him, trying to get him to pull the cold glass bottle away from your clit. Rubbing the icy glass against your clit some more, he holds the edge of it and pushes the hood that protects it back, exposing your clit some more. "So pretty; you're enjoying this, aren't you?"

Leon then rubs the length of the bottle against your exposed clit, making you writhe against him, pressing your body further back against the cold counter. Either way, you were trapped between his heavy body and the counter, forced to give into the aching pleasure being given to you. You just have to take it.

Finally, he takes the bottle away from your aching pussy, making you sigh in relief— and yet, you were again slightly denied an impending orgasm. Were you seriously going to cum from that? God, Leon was ruining you. Before you could dive deeper into the relief, your lips meet in an open mouth kiss, and you could taste the booze he forces into your mouth. Not wanting to choke, you are forced to swallow the alcohol quickly, already feeling lightheaded. You weren't drunk, not yet at least, but you were at least woozy enough for Leon to hoist you over his shoulder and take you to your bedroom.

You aren't sure when he started rutting against your crying pussy with his fat tip, but nonetheless the sensation makes you arch your back, bringing your chest up against his broad pecs. A snort leaves his mouth at your reaction, making you whine at how mean he is being to you.

"Actin' like a bitch in heat," he blows his hot breath against your ear lobe, leaning in and licking the shell of your ear, making you mewl. "Gonna have to fuck you s'good; i'll make you drunk on my fat dick instead." With that, he splits you open and completely bottoms out deep inside you. Fuck, fuck, fuck, too much. Your mouth agape, that dumbfounded look on your face— it only pushed him to snap his hips against yours, balls slapping against your cheeks, making obscure and downright pornographic sounds echo around the room.

Switching positions, he maintains himself lodged inside you as he flips you on your stomach, putting you in a prone-bone position. Wrapping his arm around your neck, he cuts off your airway just right. The mixture of alcohol and the lack of oxygen makes your head spin, making you have this fucked-out look on your face as Leon continues to ravage your pussy from behind. Low grunts and growls are heard from him; he was close, and you were too.

"Yeah? You like that? Drunk on my booze and on my cock," he laughs at you, mocking you as you can only let out a sinful symphony of moans. "Such a slut, letting me fuck you into your own mattress, fuck," he keeps choking you out, squeezing your neck as your cheek meets his bicep, having no choice but to bite down on the meat of his muscle in order to muffle your moans. "What's the matter? Don't want your neighbors to hear you getting slutted out? Letting the perverted alcoholic have his way with you? Is that it? Huh?"

His breath hot and heavy, words contained malice and pure lust, with no respect for you whatsoever that even Lilith would look at the both of you in disgust— further damning you two to the second circle of Hell.

As much as you hated him for talking down on you this way, the way he is battering your insides and plunging deep inside your guts has your body saying otherwise. A sour feeling creeps up on your stomach— either it was the urge to throw up since you were quite literally drunk and being dragged back and forth on some dick, or it was the urge to let go and cum. Either or, it was making you even more dizzy, becoming too much to handle.

"Aw, am I being too mean to you, sweetheart?" Leon said in his snarky, condescending tone, laughing at you as tears streamed down your face, proving this to be too much even for you. And yet, despite this, he continued to fuck you stupid. "You allowing me to bully this dick inside you, so what's wrong with a few mean words?" A drunken chortle escapes his chest as he slight heaves. "Hold on just a lil longer, nngh, fuck, take it," A loud smack is heard as his handprint marked the fat of your ass, and more is heard as he continues to spank and fuck you at a ruthless and unforgiving pace. "Shit.. if this tight little pussy keeps sucking me in like that, m'gonna have to plug 'er full of my cum and make her tighten up to hold my kids inside your womb."

Skin slapping against skin, slick mixing with pre, it all became too much. Letting out one last cry, you come so hard you could've sworn you could see stars as your eyes roll to the back of your head. Leon only laughs at this, slightly wincing at the grip your walls have on him. This doesn't deter him however, as he continues to thrust into you much deeper, balls slapping against your pussy lips as he grinds his hips flush against your ass. Clit chaffing against the bedsheets, he overstimulates you over the edge, causing you to hiccup in between sobs.

Hearing you sob was what pushed him to the peak of his climax; what an asshole, getting off of the idea of making a sweet soul like you who only wanted to help a piece of shit like him cry. His thick and heavy cum floods your womb, holding your hips in a bruising grip as the last ropes of his load spurts inside you, finishing with a guttural moan. Leaving his softening dick inside you, he lightly taps the red and hot flesh of your lower back. "Still with me?"

—

"Jesus, my head.."

You wake up the next day, hungover and sore as shit. You feel as though you got ran over by a tow truck carrying trucks. Lifting the blanket off of your body, you notice the small puddle of slick and cum on your bed sheets, letting out a scoff of annoyance.

Lugging yourself out of bed, you take a quick shower to freshen up and to get started with your day— even though it was nearly three at the afternoon. Your phone in hand, you see a new message in your inbox. It was from Leon.

Leon [10:52 AM]: "You up yet?"

————————————————————————

[peachymilkandcream]

Fraud | Part 6 | Yandere All Might x Reader

(A/N: The amount of delusion reader is under right now is wild, and it's just going to get even worse. Hope you enjoy and comment to be added to the taglist!)

WARNINGS: implied noncon, dubcon, manipulation, domestic abuse, yandere themes, forced marriage, forced pregnancy, stockholm syndrome, graphic depictions of violence, mind breaking, misogyny, power imbalance, age difference, cheating, unprotected sex, etc.

================================================

All Might pounded into the woman beneath him. Maisy, or Ellie, he couldn't be bothered to remember her name. All he knew is that this was one of the deals he was willing to make. She had done a good job, bringing Shade right where he wanted her.

Until she was willing to accept his advances All Might would take any good pussy he could get. After all being the number one hero came with stress that needed to be relieved from time to time.

Some men claimed to be big, but he was bigger. Pounding into her with such ferocity she was nothing more than a fucked out mess, taking what he could give.

She was taking him so well, he wouldn't be opposed to keeping up similar meetings like this. Stretching out her tight cunt to fit him and only him while she writhed and clutched the sheets, cum dripping out of her womb.

Unlike that pathetic excuse of a man, he wouldn't have to worry about Shade finding out, this woman clearly would do anything for one evening with him if he kept up these rendezvous he could find a way to control his urges without risking everything he had worked for up until now.

An besides, great sex was a price he was willing to pay.

"There." He sighed, finally through with her. "I've kept my end of the deal."

She smiles seductively, reaching to put her clothes back on. "You have indeed~"

"So how will you manage lover boy?"

"Oh trust me I will, he's asked me to start going out with him, so it seems I might have a boyfriend now."

"Glad everything worked out."

She nods, heading for the door.

"That doesn't mean these ahem- Meetings, are over, correct?"

Her smile becomes bigger. "Wouldn't dream of it."

As he watches her go, he turns back to the task at hand.

===============================================

"Your first day at Might Tower, how are you getting settled in, any troubles with that scoundrel?"

Shade finds a small sense of comfort in his reassuring smile. The last couple days had been hell, but there was a light at the end of the tunnel, she was going to make her dreams come true and let that asshole rot in the dust.

"Not really, he was at first but we worked it out."

"Glad to hear it, although I'm curious how you could come to an agreement with a man like that."

She goes quiet and slightly pale, not noticing the way his face darkens.

"Don't tell me-"

"Look he had very sentimental items, okay? And I don't know...I felt like I had to know for myself if it was really over."

"After what he did to you- how could you-"

"I don't need your judgement, okay? And trust me, it's over. It's really over."

"As long as you promise me that you'll never speak to that man again."

"Why is my boss so interested in my personal life all of a sudden?" She forces out a laugh.

"Because as someone who works for me your wellbeing and mental state is required to do your job correctly. And as a hero my job is to protect citizens from harm, and that man is a danger to you. I only insist because I care."

She nods, regretting lashing out at him when he's been nothing but generous and nice to her. "Thanks All Might, I don't know what I'd do without you."

"It's the least I can do for someone in need."

She sighs, that feeling of not being enough filling her head.

"Hey now, don't be upset. It may not seem like there's an out now but there will be, in time. Soon you'll feel your confidence returning and you'll find someone better to love."

"I don't think I'll ever love again."

"You say that now, but one day you'll find someone, probably someone right in front of you, who cares deeply about who you are and wants to cherish you how you should."

She smiles again, he always knew how to make her feel better. "You're right, I'll be okay."

"And until that day, I'll be right here for you, supporting you every step of the way." He laughs his hearty laugh, banishing those self-loathing thoughts and embracing her with warmth.

She turns to continue unpacking, missing the way his smile vanishes into a more sinister look.

"I'll always be right here for you."

[1-800-papaya]

Not so Southern

Jay Halstead x Baker!Cordelia Micheals Warnings: Mentions of Death and loss of parent

A Letter. A deathbed confession. It wasn’t something Cordelia had ever expected a mere month after the death of her mother. She’d barely returned to Chicago after the funeral, barely returned to the cafe; she’d barely returned to Jay.

The open letter lay still on the table of the couple’s home. Cordelia sat frozen, her eyes locked on the carefully written words floating in a river of unanswered questions in her mind. Her mother truly knew she had to leave an impression. But could she call the woman who had raised her her mother? Was it right to attach that title to a woman who had kept a life-altering secret from her? It was sitting at the table, her mind reeling that her newly minted husband found her later that afternoon.

Jay groaned as he dragged his tired body. The day didn’t seem to end, and a tough case was always twisting and evolving into something ugly and demented. When, Voight had finally allowed his detectives to leave and gather their strength, Jay had all but leapt from his desk and rushed out of the district. Though his partner’s tired, teasing smiles didn’t escape his eyes. The routine that had developed over the last two years wasn’t something Jay enjoyed breaking, but the light and warmth he longed for was not dusted in powder sugar or smeared in chocolate behind a counter.

The small two-story home’s door never felt so heavy as when the day dragged on like an endless tunnel. Jay could tell straight away that something was wrong. The house was cold and still. The only movement was Luna slinking to greet him. While Jay loved Cordelia’s two furballs, Milo grated Jay’s last nerve most days; Luna and her subdued personality were more his speed. There was no warm feeling that filled each visitor; no delicious gooey chocolate smell filled the air.

“Hi Lu, do you know what’s going on? Hmm, Sunshine?” no response. Jay’s nerves grew. He knew she was home; her precious bronco was sitting in the driveway. Jay wondered aimlessly through the house before finding his loving wife sitting still like a stone statue.

“Delia, love”, Jay’s voice was soft as he gently approached the young woman. Kneeling beside her, Jay watched as she turned slowly, and his concern grew when he noticed the rivers of silent tears that were running steadily down her cheeks. “What’s wrong”

Cordelia didn’t trust her voice. Everything in her life felt like it was betraying her like it was wrong. Silently her shaking hand reached for the letter, a piece of paper that felt as heavy as concrete. She didn’t trust her wobbling voice to convey the news her ‘mother’ was telling her from beyond the grave. She looked away as reality started to sink in and her sobs became audible, breaking her husbands heart as he read his late mother-in-laws words.

Dear Cordelia, I know now that my days are numbered, and I can feel life leaving me as my strength drains more each day. As such, I have a secret, my dear, that I feel I need to tell you now. It is a secret I once told myself I would’ve told you by now, but I just couldn’t bring myself to do so. This is much harder than I thought. I hope you will forgive me for keeping such information from you, dear. You are adopted. Your father and I loved each other but could not have children. When we saw your little face, we fell in love. The orphanage was overrun and loud, yet you were sound content…so peaceful. Now, I know this is quite shocking, and we may never be given the opportunity to talk, given my health. But I want you to continue to be yourself, darling. Do not let this change you. I saw how happy you are with Jay. Mary has shown me a lot of photos you sent of your wedding. I know you may have questions, so I have spent my recent spike in free time doing the work for you. Your original birth certificate will be sent alongside this letter. I do hope we see each other again before I leave, but if we do not, please do not linger too much on this information. You have quite a life ahead of you with Jay, live it, if not for me dear, but for yourself. Love Mum

Jay instinctively reached for the other piece of paper sitting neatly on the table—a birth certificate—an Illinois birth certificate. His eyes scanned the document. Shock filled his very being when he fully registered the names written in the father and mother of child boxes. Camille and Hank Voight. His wife was the daughter of his boss. Within seconds, his eyes flickered up, and his body moved quicker than his thoughts. Wrapping his arms loving and tightly around Cordelia, Jay offered comfort and affection that she accepted without hesitation.

“I still love you, Sunshine”, Jay mumbled into his wife of barely two months’ hair. Cordelia didn’t say a word, not that Jay needed a response. The house stayed still and silent for most of the night; Cordelia became numb and motionless as Jay moved about and eventually carried her to their bed, reassuring her that nothing between them had changed.

[leahnardo-da-veggie]

Tabitha-who-saw-the-gods

I haven't had much to writing to post the past few days cos uni's lasting 12h 😭😭 But here's another old story! Warning: It's pretty gory (16-year-old me had a thing for torture)

My captor had empty eyes. The eyes were the window to the soul, and there was nobody at home in his. 

That wasn't to say he wasn't bright, of course. I found that out the hard way, when I tried to escape, one day after he caught me. “Silly, silly little lamb,” he purred, after finding me sprawled on the floor.

I had chewed through my bonds and began crawling (for my legs were broken) towards freedom. The door had been so close, but I could not reach the knob, and my feeble attempts at knocking it down only served to batter my shoulder. The floor chilled my body to the bone, and I nearly succumbed to exhaustion, but still I kept at my futile task. But when the door finally opened, I was unsurprised to find him standing on the other end of it, grinning at my misfortune.

“Did you really think you could escape? The Father sees all, and He knows all,” he murmured in my ear as he hauled me back to the chair. His fingers burned where they gripped my thighs, and it was all I could do to stop myself from biting his arm when he brushed my hair aside. “Naughty child, you've ruined your ropes! I suppose I'll have to retie them.” He dropped me on the chair and began knotting the ropes again. I watched him dully, too exhausted and miserable to struggle.

When he was done, he said, “I think I need to make sure you never try that little stunt again.” Then he picked up pliers from a shelf (they were always too high for me to reach) and lowered himself to better access my face. “Smile, now,” he demanded, opening the pliers.

I didn't want to. I knew what he meant to do. But, by then, I also knew what he would do if I didn't, and losing my teeth was better than losing whatever else he would go for. 

So I bared my teeth, and screamed until my voice went out, and only a hoarse whisper came out of my ruined throat. Blood dripped down my jaws and stained the rags that I wore as clothes until I looked like I had been baptised in my own fluids. The pain was sharp, a knife that blinded me and pulled the air out of my lungs. I would have killed myself just to escape it, but I wanted to live. Despite everything, I still wanted to live.

“Idiot girl,” he whispered, wiping my tears away, as the last molar fell from the pilers. “Did I not tell you not to struggle? Now you've ruined your dress. Soon you might have to go nude as a newborn.” He whispered those words as a threat, but another humiliation piled onto the list wasn't enough to break me. I met his gaze, blood still streaming from my mouth and tears still falling from my eyes, and I watched him leave defiantly.

That night, I thought I would die. If not from the pain, then from the blood loss. I almost yearned for it, for I could find no light at the end of the tunnel save for the incoming train. But my body was stronger than I knew, and I survived, weak as I was.

I wish I hadn't. When the wounds congealed, and the pain dulled to a thud, I discovered a new, fresh agony (for the world keeps on giving). I was thirsty.

My throat had been hoarse when I screamed, but it burned now. I was the desert itself, my body a dried husk, the lifeblood of a thousand tribes turned to dust on my mouth. My tongue was a slug, salted and dying, filling my mouth with foul rot and grime. The tears crystallised to salt tracks, and I found nothing within me could induce more. 

Yet, despite it all, my bladder still filled to the bursting. And even as my lips chapped and my mouth ached, the pressure between my legs grew. I tried to keep it in, tried to refuse that particular humiliation.

It was pointless, as everything was. Inevitably, I wet myself. I suppose it was a testament to my desperation that I tried to drink the mess that came out, and it was a blessing (or a curse) that my bonds wouldn't let me.

The next indignity, right alongside the gnawing hunger and scraping thirst, was insanity. It came to everyone trapped alone in the dark, with nothing but the chittering of rats and the soft agony of ropes against raw skin. 

The voices arrived first, whispering things, gentle caresses of my ears. They sang wordless harmonies, mourning my pain, mocking my entrapment. Then they took corporeal forms, wisps of impossible light. I strained my eyes to see those dancing figures. A distant part of me, the same that prayed to be saved, thought they were real. But they were nothing but psychosis, just as my rescue was but a figment-tale. So I simply watched them hopelessly.

They fell away (as I knew they would) when he returned. He was not alone, of course. A wordless doctor, clad in sterile white, tended to me with quick practised strokes. My captor stood aside and waited, then shut the door behind him. “Well,” he murmured, when the healer left, “Have you learnt your lesson?”

I nodded glumly. “Is that really all you have to say? It doesn't sound like you learned something,” he said, low and threatening.

I did not respond. Wordlessness was my final fortress, the last sanctum of defiance that I clutched to my chest. I would scream, I would cry, but never would I utter something coherent. Neither he nor his cronies was worthy of a single word from my mouth.

His face darkened, and I found his knife pressed against the tender flesh of my breast, digging in until blood welled up, a ruby rose in a sea of grimy ivory. “Tell me, where is your Goddess now, little huntress? Admit that she doesn't exist,” he hissed. “How can you believe in her, when you lie here in your own filth? You are no hunter. You are nothing but prey, little mouse, and poor prey at that.”

I did not rise to that jibe. My captor (for I would never call him a priest) slashed against my chest, scoring it with his rage. “You will come into the light, my mouse,” he hissed, with those dull eyes of his burning into my gaze. “You will abandon your bow and join the flock, and obey the will of the truth.”

I merely gave him a wan smile, as if to say ‘you may try'. I saw the rage flare up then, the first sparks within those holes of darkness. But he could not mutilate me further, not if he wished to parade me for his people. I needed ears to hear his preaching, I needed eyes to be blinded by his light, and I needed lips to curse his false God with my dying breath.

I clung to that thought after he left me alone in the darkness, a tiny shield to defend the onslaught of laughter and twirling. Closing my eyes did nothing but remind me of the agony of dryness, a suffering that grew to obscure even the healing pains and the hunger. It was my second day without water, if I had judged correctly, and I was not long for this world if my captor refused to hydrate me. 

But he did come in eventually. He bore a bucket of water and what I could only describe as a look of childish indignance. I laughed at him, then, though it was naught more than a crackle of the throat, and was rewarded with a glare. “You'll pay for that, little one,” he snarled, making the endearment sound like a curse. “This is holy water. Know what that means?”

I understood. ‘Holy water' was not holy by any means. It was a poison, one that incited anguish but left no lasting marks. Liquid pain, it was called. But it was water all the same, and I was desperate enough to deem it a blessing. So I opened my mouth in challenge. “Really? You think God will not punish you for that insolence? This water will burn you like the heretic you are.”

He tipped the water into my mouth, and I screamed. I screamed as liquid fire coursed down my throat, rending, ripping and reaping my very soul. The wraiths appeared again, as if to mock me, as if to watch me at my suffering, as if to give their judgement in the form of a dance.

One wraith drifted to my captor, twirling about him, caressing his neck. I watched in a broken, screaming daze as he laughed, oblivious to the surrounding demons. Had I truly gone mad, or were his eyes too empty to see them? 

“There,” he hissed, pouring the last of the water on my bent head. “Have you felt the Father's fury yet? Do you repent?” The wraiths seemed to giggle at this, their whispery chittering reaching a crescendo of glee.

I shook my head resolutely and closed my eyes, preparing for the blow I knew I would receive. It never came, however. Had he simply left me like this, soaking wet and in cold agony? Surely he would take the opportunity to snub me, to sneer and spit at me.

I opened my eyes again, and looked up. He was not there, and the darkness had overtaken me entirely. It was then I knew I had truly been lost to insanity, for the wraiths stood in a circle, watching me. 

They were clad in the finest jewels, robes of spider silk and gold filigree. The Goddesses, my demented, heretical mind told me. I was looking at a court of the Goddesses. 

Ysloltia stood to the fore, bow in one arm. To her sides were Kur’aelle, Goddess of Life, and Czukaria, Goddess of Fire. The lesser Goddesses stood behind them, watching me with ethereal fascination. “Hello, little mouse,” a voice whispered in my ear. I froze, for it was a man's voice, and I knew of only one male god.

The Haven-Father, patron god of my captor. But- he was not real. He could not be. It was heresy to believe so, for the Phygarai were liars and destroyers. I closed my eyes, willing the twisted vision to go away. I would not succumb, for I was faithful. I was one of the Ys'secalia, pure, holy, indomitable.

“Silly mouse, entering my people's granary. You think yourself secure within the arms of your goddesses?” He chucked. “They will not defend you, now that you have stepped into my domain. They will watch as my people and I remould you into a good follower. You overstepped your bounds, huntress, and you shall be stripped of your weapons.”

He drifted in front of me, smiling with faux benevolence. He blocked out the sight of my patrons, and tilted my chin to look at him. “Admit it, child. I am your god, now. Cast aside your lies and accept me with open arms. The Haven-Father will take pity on you,” he whispered.

I refused to dignify his offer with words. I was loyal, unshakable. “You truly think to deny me? I am infinitely more patient. We have forever, girl. In time, you will break. You will beg me to accept you into my flock,” he murmured, ever so slightly amused. “I ask you one more time: Will you obey?”

I shook my head, and he struck me. Lightning convulsed through my body, white-red agony. There were spikes penetrating my eyes, flesh melting off my skin, bones cracking and crumbling under the strain. But in my addled state, I could not scream. The pressure built up within my chest until I burst open, guts spilling out at his feet.

I shook my head again, and he struck me once more. The pain was not merely bone-deep, then. It struck the very core of my being, loss and grief and despair. I watched my family wither away, my sisters and brothers grow ever thinner as the days passed. I saw armies crush our villages, tearing our forests down and taking our prey. I knew true anguish then, for it was all my fault. If I had accepted his offer…

Yet I clung to defiance. It was all I had left, when strength failed me, pride died before me, and faith dwindled to naught. My goddesses mattered not in the face of that onslaught. They had abandoned me to my fate, and so I abandoned them. I met the Haven-Father's gaze. He had no anger burning in his eyes, no triumph, nothing but sheer confidence that he would succeed. And he would, I knew. My will was faltering, and I was only human. He was a god, omniscient and omnipotent. I would never survive.

But I summoned the dregs of my contumacy, and shook my head one final time, eyes closed and shoulders hunched. The agony coalesced into a final wave, cresting and crashing down upon me. I drowned, my mortal soul crushed, my human body turned to dust, my final spark of defiance extinguished. And still I did not submit. I do not know why. I do not know how. I simply held on, past reason, past hope, past defiance. 

I opened my eyes to find myself back in the torture room. The world was grey to me, drained of everything. Phantoms of that pain wracked me. The wraith-deities were nowhere to be seen. Like the dying light of sunset, I heard a deep, ever so amused voice.

“A huntress in truth and deed. Perhaps you do deserve to live. Give my people a good fight, little huntress…”

I waited, numb, for my captor to return. Was it but a hallucination, an overloading of my tired body? Had I truly met the Haven-Father, truly seen the goddesses in all their glory? Was I a saint or schizophrenic? 

The answer came when I tugged lightly at my bonds and found myself freed, and uninjured besides. I had been healed and released from captivity. On unsteady feet, I got up. There was a dagger on the shelf, which I could finally reach. I picked it up and walked out. 

My captor was there, smiling to himself with those empty eyes. His expression did not change, even as his dagger pierced his chest. He fell like a stone, blood bubbling out of his wound, and I plucked the dagger out of him silently. Part of me wished he could have seen his ending coming, that he could feel the fear I once felt. But it was not the way of my people to maim and torture. We were hunters, not monsters.

Stepping over his corpse, I fled the Phygaranian cathedral. I fled the gods and the priests and in my wake I left a myth; that of Tabitha-who-saw-the-gods, the Silent Saint.

[ynbabe]

Lockwood & Co. X Fem!Reader:- Incorrect quotes pt.3

*The gang responding to being stabbed by a sword* George: Rude. Y/n: That's fair. Anthony: Not again. Lucy: Are you gonna want this back or can I keep it? 

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Lucy: Are you upset you don’t get to be on the same team as Y/n? Anthony: Have you ever played a game with Y/n? Lucy: No… Anthony: Have you ever been trapped in a tomb with a Type 3? *Meanwhile, on the other side of the field* Y/n, chasing George: I SAID FASTER! DO YOU KNOW WHAT THE WORD “FASTER” MEANS? IT MEANS MORE FAST!!!!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: So Y/n was just using me? Lucy, new to the Anthony-Y/n bullshit: I’m sorry, Anthony. George, trying to contain his sarcasm: You must feel pretty stupid right now. Anthony: Lucy, slightly concerned, reaching for the tea: Ok, that’s a time-out. George: No, you don't know the story, it's funny- Lucy: Go sit over there! George: *walks away in defeat*

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: A pessimist sees a dark tunnel. Lucy: An optimist sees light at the end of the tunnel. Anthony: A realist sees a freight train. George: The train driver sees three idiots standing on the tracks.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I want to kiss you. Anthony, not paying attention: What? Y/n: I said if you die, I wont miss you.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: Where the devil is Y/n? Lucy: Well, it is raining outside... Maybe she melted? George: Shall I look outside for a pointy hat?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Lucy, finally getting along with Y/n: You guys worried about Y/n? George, concerned for both his friends but loving the fun: Totally. Anthony, after a fight with Y/n: Yeah, she called me in the middle of the night and just yelled, "what do I do, what do I do, what do I do, what do I do?" Lucy: And what'd you say? Anthony: "I dunno, I dunno, I dunno, I dunno." George: Lucy: She's lucky to have you as a boyfriend.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: If I punch myself and it hurts, am I weak or strong? Y/n: Strong. Lucy: Weak. George: An idiot, is what you are.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Anthony: Are you ready to commit? Y/n, on the run in 26 countries: Like, a crime or a relationship?

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I can't take this anymore, someone needs to take me out! Anthony, ready to do both: In a dating type of way, or an assassination type of way? Y/n, wants both: I don't know, surprise me!

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n: I’ve been dropping them the most insanely obvious hints for like a year now. No response. Anthony: Wow. They sound stupid. Y/n: But they’re not. They’re really smart actually. Just dense. Anthony: Maybe you need to be more obvious? Like, I don’t know… “Hey! I love you!” Y/n: I guess you’re right. Hey Anthony, I love you. Anthony: See! Just say that! Y/n: Holy fucking shit. Anthony: If that flies over their head then, sorry Y/n, but they're too dumb for you. Y/n: Anthony.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n, throwing her head into Anthony's lap: Tell me I'm pretty! Anthony, lovingly stroking her hair: You're pretty fucking annoying, that's what you are.

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

Y/n on their second time meeting: *angrily presses Anthony against a wall* WHERE'S THE MONEY?! Anthony: ... Anthony, messed up a little: Are we about to kiss-

━━━━━━━━━▼━━━━━━━━━

George: Why don’t you go talk to her? That's why I introduced the two of you. Anthony, sarcastically: Oh. Yeah, sure. George: What? So you tell her she's cute, what’s the worst that could happen? Anthony: She could hear me.

[giiyus]

the tornado by owl city is c!tubbo's song and c!tubbo's only (or in other words im bored so let's analyze the tornado in a c!tubbo lense)

—

It was just startin' to drizzle as I walked out the door

But I've delivered papers in the rain like that before

3:30 in the morning, I was happy as a lark

As I grabbed my bike and rode into the dark

i think of this as him first arriving to the dsmp as his innocent, bubbly self. the phrase "happy as a lark" showing that he's overjoyed to be there and that he is carefree and unaware of the grimmer realities about to take place ("rode into the dark")

I pedaled through the neighborhood, the weather on my mind

The wind was pickin' up and howlin' louder all the time

The sky churned like a cauldron and the distant thunder roared

And I knew that I was in for quite a storm

this is the early dsmp arc, before the lmanburg war for independence. tubbo is getting into some small conflicts, including the disc war, and wondering what's happening in the caravan with wilbur and tommy. he doesn't know it yet, but both the disc war and wilbur/tommys caravan shit would get him into so much future trouble that is soon approaching hence the "the distant thunder roared".

i see the lyric "and i knew that i was in for quite a storm" as me reflecting on tubbo's story because even though in some extent he knew that it wasn't going to be easy to declare independence from dream, he did not know how big that conflict and the following conflicts would be and affect him, but i do (and he was most definitely in for quite a big horrific storm)

A little rain never hurt no one, so I kept pressin' on

And I tried to tell myself it's always darkest before the dawn

shit is starting to get real in the lmanburg war

Lighting struck an oak tree as I leapt off my bike

The sirens started wailing, but there was no good place to hide

I knew without a doubt there was a twister touchin' down

So I crawled into a culvert to wait it out

enter schlatt and his administration/tubbo acting as a spy

culvert = his tunnels from schlatt to pogtopia

The little bit of courage I had left was almost gone

But I tried to tell myself it's always darkest before the dawn

execution, he still tries to see the good in everyone though

And then the nightmare started, it got deafeningly loud

Every fiber in me screamed out, but I couldn't make a sound

The whirling of a vortex, a violent carousel

It sounded like a freight train was draggin' me to hell

lmanburg destroyed first time leading into c!tubbo exiling tommy, "deafeningly loud" = tnt raining on the city, fireworks hitting everywhere (trauma alert)

And this was my prayer

"Save me from this terrible nightmare"

he is utterly alone, everyone calls him schlatt and a villain, he was this happy go lucky guy turned traumatic devastating teenager

That was when I saw my family with my eyes shut real tight

Would they know how much I loved them if this was how I died?

No, I vowed I'd not be murdered by a monster in the sky that night

c!tubbo doesn't end everything?? lmanburg destroyed AGAIN (seriously they love exploding that shit)

"murdered by a monster in the sky that night" referring to the tnt raining down on lmanburg

But if I went home to heaven, at least that's where I'd belong

Yeah, I tried to tell myself it's always darkest before the dawn

So I kept hangin' on

I kept hangin' on

he keeps persevering, the creation of snowchester (his new supposed safe haven) is made

The shadows slowly melted as I was hunkered down

'Til at last the worst was over, the storm was dyin' out

I crept out of that culvert and I went weak in the knees

'Cause what I saw was a somber sight to see

they start the finale disc war, there's fighting. "somber sight" being the place where dream was going to kill tubbo (the prison)

There was nothin' but destruction and wreckage in that town

Cars were upside down and houses leveled to the ground

A twisted trampoline was hangin' from the power lines

I blinked a tear back 'cause I felt lucky to be alive

finale disc war, dream didn't kill him. i think that even though he was passively suicidal in this, he felt a sliver of hope that things would look up. "a twisted trampoline " part relating to c!dream losing two canon lives and being stuck in the prison for (supposedly) forever

And that was how I learned to live when you can run, but you can't hide

How to feel trapped in a tunnel but come out the other side

'Cause with all the stormy weather in the world, you learn to take life one storm at a time

You don't have to be afraid

And now when there's bad weather on the way, I stay calm

more snow chester healing arc + cabinetduo drama but instead of being afraid and silent, tubbo sticks up for what he wants/believes in and won't let quackity push him around

And I keep hangin' on because it's always darkest before the dawn

And I keep hangin' on

I keep hangin' on

i see this as tubbo telling micheal about some of his story as a life lesson to be taught (watered down ofc he's still a kid) and living happily with c!ranboo

i see this as a nice ending to the dsmp in my mind so thats the point in the lore where i stop :)