#I know I can look up images of the actual actress but I think it’d be fun practice if I get around to it

[stuckasmain]

If I drew more I’d use Ann Lake like a dress up doll. I need to see that woman in Mod fashion.

[carolmunson]

alive with the glory of love

(older!rockstar!eddie x older!actress!wife!)

a valentine's slice of life with our favorite rockstar almost thirty years into our marriage. the year is 2023 and we're still stella rink and we're still famous as hell. aged like fine wine. a decades long career and a decades long marriage with two twins in their late twenties. this is semi from the twins perspective. we know what our life was looking like before, let's see what it looks like now. :) eddie manip by @eddiemunsons-missingnipple cw: 18+ minors dni, allusions to smut/wearing lingerie, but overall this is a short little something. reader and eddie are both 57, so, sorry if you don't want to be fifty seven. but if i have to be in my 'early twenties' every time i read a fic, you can be older for like, seven and a half minutes.

The phone eases into focus, Violet’s giggle sounds as she presses record, leaning on her elbows at the kitchen island. The room is a sun drenched, black and white tiled vision — still partially stuck in the 90s, remnants of your old life, despite the ongoing renovations. Despite the teasing from your adult children. Some stuff just never lost its charm – plus, the kids were calling it ‘a 90s vibe’ and you were both pretty sure that was cool. 

“Morning, happy Valentine’s Day,” Violet says sleepily, Van trudging in behind her. They both take lazy seats on the bar stools across from the chef stove that their father is delicately working over. 

“Happy Valentine’s Day, honey,” Eddie calls over his shoulder, daintily pouring pink batter into a cookie cutter mold on a hot pan. The kitchen and dining room are filled to the brim with flowers and balloons. Eddie’s been up for hours getting everything set up for you, some things never change. Some things never get old. 

“What’re you doing?” Van asks. 

“What do you mean, what am I doing? I’m making mommy—” He turns around with a furrowed brow, deepening his forehead creases before he realizes they’re recording him. He sighs before turning back to his task, “Guys, again with the phone?” 

“C’mon dad, they love you!” Violet begs, putting her phone down and shoving it in her sweatshirt pocket, “Van show him the comments on the last one.” 

“They think you’re hilarious, they want you to have your own account,” Van encourages, he opens his own phone to bring over to his dad. He grew up to be a spitting image of the two of you, as if they pasted Eddie’s face on his and gave him all your other features. The color of your eyes, the texture of your hair. Your bright, enrapturing smile. A perfect fifty-fifty. 

Van scrolls slowly through the endless comments, Eddie squinting down at them, “Van, I don’t have my glasses.” 

Eddie peers down lower, “What does that mean? ‘I know it’s big’? What’s big?” “New…choker…just…dropped? I didn’t make chokers for merch,” he shrugs, waving him away to pay attention to the stove. “Ew,” Violet laughs, “Stop making him read these out loud, that’s so gross.” 

“You should still make your own,” Van says, sitting back down, “It’d do way better than the one for Corroded.” 

“Have your mom do it,” Ed shrugs off, “She knows how to do all that internet shit.” 

“That Howard Stern clip is going viral again,” Violet says devilishly, “The girlies are obsessed with you.” 

“I don’t care about the girlies, Vi,” Eddie blushes, flipping one of the pancakes on the pan, “I care about your mom.” 

“I just wanna show them what you guys do for your favorite holiday,” Violet whines, “They’ll love it.” 

“They’re gonna call him a simp,” Van teases, a look of realization washing over his face,  “Wait, you’re such a simp for mom, actually.”  

They both laugh, Eddie doesn’t know what ‘a simp’ is so he laughs too.

“That’s a good word for like, a DND character type — you should see about that in your campaigns,” Ed continues while he plates a pancake on an ever growing stack of pink and red. 

“Ohmygod Dad, no, that’s not—“ Van laughs silently into his hands. 

“Stop making fun of him, he’s old,” Violet pleads between giggles, taking her phone out again, “Dad, seriously can you just tell us what you’re doing? Why do you love Valentine’s Day?”

“Is this for your TikTok thing?” he asks, pulling his dark curls up in a ponytail with a black silk scrunchie, bangs he can’t quite part with falling in waves over his brow. ‘My Pilates teacher was telling me they’ll be safer on your hair,’ you’d said — and he’s never been one to say no to you. Every time the kids came home they’d take their phones out and make Tiktok’s of the two of you, sometimes you’d make a solo one for Violet or Van’s page if you felt like it. But with Twitter and Instagram, you didn’t want to overload your assistant with some other form of social media – but it looked like the two of you were really popular. Especially Eddie. 

Violet educated you about ‘fancams’ which were just clips to music. There were a lot of the two of you together, or you solo from your movies and shows in the 90s. Progressions of you then and now and how you’re still ‘so hot’ and ‘unproblematic’. Eddie’s almost always started with the clip of him at Howard Stern, jaw ticking while he tried to keep his composure: ‘Excuse the fuck out of me, what did you just say about my wife? Do you wanna lose your fuckin’ teeth?’ The comments were always flooded with a mess of young people losing their shit: ‘god i’ve seen what you’ve done for others’ ‘stopppp he’s obsessed with her’ ‘@vidawn i hope your mom can fight’ ‘@vannywayne @vidawn i’m five years younger than u but i would be a great step dad’ ‘when is someone gonna fight howard stern FOR ME?’ ‘@vannywayne @vidawn they’re thirsting over your dad again’ ‘i’m banging on the walls of my enclosure’ 'ewwww we hate cheaters' ‘i NEED to fuck him’ ‘@vannywayne you look EXACTLY the same’ ‘are they looking for a third?’ 'idgi he looks dirty' ‘they are notttttt making them like him anymore’ ‘not him being old enough to be my father i’m sick’

“Obviously,” she snaps back, rolling his eyes when he starts touching himself up for the camera. 

“Should I do a couple of push ups so I look buff or…?” he teases. Violet and Van make a face that puts any face you’ve given him to shame. It’s the only regret he has about having kids with you – all that attitude had to go somewhere. 

“Fine, fine,” he huffs, “I’m ready for my close up, Vi.” 

“You’re so cheesy, dad. Just be normal for like, five seconds,” Violet huffs, taking out her phone again, “You’re ready?” 

“M’ready,” he smiles. “Okay, so, what’re you doing?” Violet asks again. 

“I am making pancakes,” he starts, pouring red better into the cookie cutter mold on the pan this time, “In a heart shape, for your mom.” 

“How long have you been doing this?” she asks, a smile spreading across her face. It matches her dads. There was no mistaking that Violet was Eddie Munson’s daughter. 

“Since we got together, so – the first one was in 1990,” he muttered, flipping the pancake, “I do it every year ‘cause she loves it. They’re strawberry, but they’re pink and red ‘cause I put food coloring in them.” 

“Is Valentine’s Day her favorite holiday?” 

Eddie grins, “No, her favorite holiday is the fourth of July. Not ‘cause she’s got a boner for America or anything. She just likes fireworks and when I use the grill.” “Is it your favorite holiday?” Van asks this time. Eddie nods, a bright blush pushing up on his face. 

“How come?” Violet and Van ask at the same time. Eddie turns the burner off, placing the heaping plate of heart shaped pancakes on the center of the island. He opens the wine cooler on the opposite wall, pulling out a bottle of champagne and two flutes from the top cabinet.

“‘Cause I get to spoil your mom all day,” he smiles, “She deserves it.” 

“You spoil her every day,” Van teases, “I can’t think of a more doted on woman on earth than mom.” 

“She’s very special,” he shrugs. 

“And you do this every year?” Violet asks, zooming in on the pancakes. 

“Every year for the past thirty four years, well, minus ninety-two,” he frowns a little, “We had some time apart that year.” 

“Still had my chef make them for me though.” 

Your voice cuts in from the large arch way connecting to the dining room and Violet pans quickly over to get you in frame. 

“Hi mom,” Vi says, “Is this your favorite holiday?” 

“No,” you shake your head and laugh, the same laugh he fell in love with, “It’s the fourth of July. C’mon Vi, how long have I been your mom? Do you even know me?” “You’re supposed to be in bed, honey,” Eddie frowns, “You’re ruining the surprise.” 

“The surprise that’s older than my kids? How could I forget,” you grin, rounding the island and greeting your husband with a gentle kiss, “Happy Valentine’s day.” 

“Happy Valentine’s day, baby,” he murmurs into a second chaste peck, “You’re supposed to let me bring them up to you.” 

“My kids are home, I don’t wanna spend all day in bed,” you pout. He pouts back dramatically, tugging on your arm to pull you flush against his chest. 

“I thought you loved spending all day in bed with me,” he pushes some of your hair back before resting a palm on your cheek, moving in to kiss you deeply. The scruff on his chin scratches around your mouth but you never care because he still kisses you, he kisses you every day. He’d kiss you all day if you let him. You had too many girlfriends whose ex-husbands were on their third wife and every year they’re more surprised that Eddie is still on his first.

“Okay, I think that’s our cue to leave,” Van says, Violet stops recording. Their faces sour.  

“Yeah we don’t want a January ‘94 repeat or anything,” Vi jokes. The twins high five at their own mean reference to your horrific sex tape debacle, but you and Eddie toss them a playful glare. 

“Hey, she might be your mother, but she’s my wife,” Eddie warns, hand sneaking down to rest on the small of your back to pull you close to him, “Don’t mess with her.” 

“Yeah,” you tease, crossing your arms, “You saw what he did to Howie’s studio. I just gotta say the word.” 

“So scary,” Violet rolls her eyes, leaving the kitchen with her twin in tow, “We’re taking the Jeep to get Jamba Juice, do you want anything?” 

“My usual,” you answer while Eddie goes to the fridge to get grapefruit juice out of the fridge, “And get daddy’s usual too. Do you want his card? Where’s your card, hun?”

“Wherever you last left it,” he responds, gracefully pouring grapefruit mimosas for the both of you. 

“It’s in my purse,” you call out. 

“Which one?!” Violet calls back, both of them waiting by the door. 

“The pink Kelly!” 

“Got it! Do you want anything else?” Van calls out. 

“Just uh,” Eddie giggles to himself, tossing you a once over, “Take your time!” 

“Gross!” they yell back in unison. Eddie waits for the door to close to pull you back into him, he watches you at first. Brown eyes cascading over the slope of your nose, your cheeks, the crinkles at the edge of your eyes, your smile lines. He looks at you like he’s looking at you for the first time, every time. He looks different, but the same. Dark curls smattered and entwined in silver, a nose ring, a never ending scratch of overgrown stubble. Deep lines on his forehead that exaggerate his already animated features. Lips still full and warm, hands still big and covered in rings. He’s kept his body real tight for fifty-seven, still throwing himself in the gym daily. ‘If I’m gonna be addicted to something now it might as well be like, my cardiovascular health, babe.’ His crows feet make him somehow more attractive, his smile got better with age. He still makes your heart race when he catches your eye from across the room. “You wearing that little red thing I like?” he purrs in your ear. The tie to your robe sliding between his inked fingers.

“Maybe,” your finger trails over a tattoo on his bicep, “Maybe, I got something new for you to see. Maybe it’s black, maybe it’s strappy. Maybe it’s that thing you saw when we went shopping last week.” 

“Christ,” he huffs, pressing a kiss to your cheek before stepping back over to the counter, “Do you ever stop getting hotter? Eat your breakfast before I bend you over this bar stool.” 

“Let’s bring it upstairs like you wanted,” you smile, following him closely to press your hips up against him, “We can get a little messy.” 

“Yeah?” he growls, pushing part of your robe away to see a peek of black lace and strappy leather, “Fucking god, Stell.” 

“C’mon,” you whisper breathily, pushing up on your tiptoes to kiss him again, “They’ll be home soon.” 

Some things have changed, some things remain the same. He still fucks you like a rockstar.

[zorkaya-moved]

❝ got a case of pride, i get it. hope yours clears up quicker than mine did. ❞

@onigaami

“Aw, are you worried about me, Itto?” Zarina locks her hands behind her back, her smile bright and slightly smug as she bent forward while tilting her head to look at the oni. Her stance is one of laid-back happiness, acting like the world is her oyster and she cares not about how the consequences of her actions will reach her. Her act is one of delight and openness, and her step is one of energy and light playfulness just like the cheerful tone of her voice. All is an image created from years upon years of acting, perchance partially becoming her true self but also being farther away from the cold and logical aspect.

If he sees her as arrogant and prideful, it is good. He should remain thinking that. It was better than anything else. He should continue witnessing her in this light without knowing just how deep the machinations and schemes seep into the very core of this world, eyes and ears across Teyvat and investors from across the world on that delightful black market. Poisons, toxins, biotoxins, information, drugs, and so much more. It’d be better if she were seen just as an arrogant scholar from Sumeru. It was better that way, she’ll take it happily.

“Come on, don’t sound so pessimistic! I’m telling you, it’ll be a piece of cake. I’ve been to ruins where Ruing Guards were and I got unscathed… mostly,” she looks away, suddenly bringing in the act of shyness and coyness while stepping away from the Inazuman. As if she admitted he was right. Everything is a beautiful play and she’s the leading actress in this delightful play called ‘life’. Deception runs in her blood as a survival trick, it’s better to be underestimated than overestimated. “Listen, it’ll be fine! That’s why I asked if you could just show me the road. I don’t want you to get in trouble just because I want to study the local flora and fauna. You don’t have Rishboland Tigers here or Spinocrodiles. Those are pretty scary to suddenly come across, but Inazuma is so broad! I’m so glad Sakkoku Decree got lifted. I missed this land so much!”

Her excitement returns full power as she twirls around as if in a dance, jumping up the stairs while having Itto follow her. She is light on her steps, something she’ll never be able to get rid of. The quiet steps others won’t hear or recognize, steps of someone who knows how to sneak around or kill quitly. Then again, who would think that a scholar who seemed like a crazed researcher wishing to dive into deeper and darker parts of Sumeru with such a bright smile would actually be capable of atrocious crimes behind such light and bright smile. 

“Pride is a vice in excess, certainly, but it’s also something good as well,” she knows how hurtful pride can be, she already paid the price for being prideful as a child. Tears streamed down her face as the pain would echo through her whole body, a child beaten up by the adults who were angry that this child was able to get the beast in but the sheer numbers and the need to protect her brothers from being ambushed got her into that situation. But she was stronger now, far stronger than anyone could expect to be. Those torturous days will not be repeated. “But I can see where you’re coming from. I’ll try to be careful. Will that be alright with you? I’ll try to slow down my excitement. I am acting a bit too entitled for someone who asked for help. I apologize for that. It wasn’t my intention. Overexcitement gets to me sometimes. I’ll do my best to watch my language and me rushing forward.”

Her smile now became more apologetic as she'd place her hand where her choker with a necklace in the shape of the crescent moon would be, toying with it between her prettily manicured fingers.

[someonedm]

It was an inconvenience, really. Jane didn't want to be here, and neither did I. She had all her friends to be with, chatting and quacking about things I had nothing to do with. And I had... my alone time, I guess. Sweet, quiet, alone time.

But things didn't go out as planned. Jane got suspended, for being a bitch, and when school said she couldn't go to the field trip, she called her rich parents who got it all sorted out. But room arrangements were already made, which landed her right here, with me.

I suppose we both made the best out of it. She spent her time with her girls, while I had a blast going through social media. But, when bedtime finally arrived, we couldn't avoid it. We have to stay together in the same room.

She steps out of the shower, her wet hair dripping drops of water onto the floor. She turns to me with annoyance. "What are you looking at?"

I hadn't noticed I was staring at her until her remark, and it caught me off by surprise. "Oh. I just-yeah." I got in the shower. "Good thing you are finally washing, don't know if I could sleep with you stinking out the room." She said it so incidentally, not caring about if it'd hurt me or not. The kind of effort someone puts in a "congrats" message in a group chat.

Coming out of the shower, I find her still standing there, looking at her own reflection in the mirror. Seeing me, she swiftly turned to her toothbrush, trying to hide the self-absorbance this entails.

Her eyes, reflecting from the mirror, look tired. Her skin is dotted with little imperfections. Her mouth, which I was so used to see lie on a self-assured smirk, was curved down. She wasn't wearing any makeup, and we could both see her.

Perhaps she was thinking of another insult, perhaps she didn't mind my blank stare, but I noticed her relentlessness as she offered me a moisturizing cream. "You want some?"

"no, thanks."

She went back to her bed silently. She was no longer wearing her popular girl persona. We were both tired and just wanted to sleep.

After finishing my prep up, I too went back to my bed. I stretched my arm into my bag, fishing out a flask. I waved the flask in front of jane. "You want some?"

"Where'd you got this?" She laughed, reaching out her hand to take the flask.

"Stole it from my mom's cabin."

She gave it to me back. "Won't she be pissed at you?"

I gulped some of the scotch. "No way. She must've noticed it was gone as soon as I left. If she cared for me I would have heard from her way too long ago."

"Aaah." She yelped. "Sorry for asking".

"First time?" I asked with a full grin, unable to hide my satisfaction with the situation.

"You think?"

"You goody two shoes got yourself detained recently, so I don't know what to think."

"Hell nah. The first time was eighth grade. My ex's brother organized a party and snuck in booze. They said they would have got me with them, cause I looked a lot older than I was. I think that that sentence was why I took that first glass." She sighed, and I knew she has something weighing on her, but she stopped herself from speaking. "What about you?"

"My mom thinks that my first time was when she gave me, after he- after he- uhhh... yeah. It was a bad night for her, and she couldn't give any shit. I had to act like it was all new to me, as if I hadn't had one of those after other nights. I am not a great actress, but I did have a drunk and tired audience." I looked up to her, and noticed she too had a hard time looking in my eyes. "Forget about me. What about your party? Your ex??" I raised my eyebrows repeatedly, and it got a chuckle out of her.

"I'd rather not talk about him." She smiled, though it was a sad smile. "But since we are discussing firsts... well, me and Tyler. Homecoming party."

"Tyler, huh? never thought he was your type!"

"What do you think my type is?" she asked, intrigued by my statement.

"I thought you liked your boys strong and sassy. The kind of jock smart enough so you won't have to actually tutor him during your 'study sessions'. Not some theater student exchange kid!"

I laughed, but she didn't seem to like it. "Do you really think of me like that? That I'm that basic?"

I looked her in the eyes. Even after knowing how she looked without her makeup, she seemed so tired. The kind of tired that stems from frustration, rather than lack of sleep. Jane cared a lot about how people think of her, even if those people were outcasts like me. "If you want me to be sincere" she nodded. "Yes."

Her soft smile faded. "I guess I should go to sleep, then."

"Wait, I am sorry. Why don't you tell me about Tyler?"

"Okay, but, I can't promise to be awake to finish."

"Consider me an elephant. I am all ears." I gestured with my hands curved, extending my ears.

"He is smart, and funny, and kind - I thought he was kind. He helped me learn for history, and we actually did study, unlike what you were guessing. He said how he missed his friends at home, and I thought it was really sweet. I felt safe with him, that he cared for me. I think he did - I wasn't just a popular girl to achieve. He made it clear, romantic gesture after romantic gesture, and when homecoming came I offered him myself. And it was all great going forward, up until Christmas break. He finally had a chance to go back home and insisted I'd stay home with my family. He ghosted me all that time, including a week after he got back. Then he confronted me. Apparently, he was having a long-distance relationship with whom I thought was his ex, and they had sex when he came back for his visit. Said he loved me but that she won't let him be with me.

So I got a little basic, and invited one of the jocks to have rebound sex in his car. While his girlfriend was over."

I chuckled. "I am sorry. What you went through is terrible. But god damn is that a good way to get back at someone, you magnificent bastard."

"I am glad I am amusing you." I couldn't decipher the look on her face, resting for a split second, before turning back to gossip. "So, who's your first?"

"I had a first- yeah uh I definitely had one."

A malicious smile sneaked onto her face. "No, you didn't."

I held the palm of my hand at the back of my head and looked down in shame. "No, I didn't."

A familiar sense of vanity came from her. "Doesn't matter. Who'd you kissed?"

I wanted to lie, but instead, I hid my face in the palms of my hands, hiding from her glare. "I uh - I hadn't kissed anyone yet."

"Well, that's such a shame! I bet many boys like you. You just don't notice them, that's all."

This comment, coming from her, caught me off by surprise. I had anticipated some sassy, if not outright a bit mean remark. "Really? You think that? Cause you kinda sound like my mom."

I guess I shook her a bit too, cause the sass was quick to come. "I'm sure of it. You know how boys are - they lust after anyone they think they have a chance with."

"Ahh, there it is. Should I take it as a compliment?" I smiled softly. "Cause I'm not hurt."

Her eyes widened for a moment. "No I- I didn't mean it, I didn't mean it like that - Ugh, nevermind." She rubbed her eyes. It was late. "If you want me to, I can help you get any boy you'd like. Who you've got your eyes on?"

I was starting to feel uncomfortable, but I couldn't tell what about this innocent question was so jarring. "I don't know. I never thought about it."

She leaned forward on her bed. "Tell me your type, then, since we already talked about mine."

"You must guess first."

She looked me deep in the eyes, assesing how I looked. She then turned her head to the flask. I imagine she was going through what I've told her, trying to make a sense of me.

"You like shy artsy boys that keep to themselves. You get tired of the enthusiazm of other people, even if it's about things you like, so it's nice having someone who's more quiet, like you. But you also want him to be more emotional than you, cause if it was left up to you, you'd be scared of the relationship falling apart. Did I get it right?"

Her description felt off. It wasn't insulting or arrogant, and I couldn't tell what exactly was incorrect, but it felt wrong.

"I... I don't know." I knew what I wanted to say, and it made me anxious. I could feel the saliva getting stuck in my throat. "I like someone who's sarcastic and witty, and doesn't open up, so when they finally talk earnestly it feels like winning a prize. Someone who cares so much about how other people see them, that they take off their hand crafted mask just for you, and seeing them that way, they are only ever more beautiful."

My gaze drifted away from her as I spoke, and I couldn't bare to see how she had reacted.

"I am tired." Her voice finally broke the silence.

"Me too. I don't want to stop talking to you."

"Me too."

The vision of that flask felt burned in my memory as I thought about reaching out and taking another sip. I couldn't sleep, and perhaps more alcohol in my blood stream meant stopping to think. I couldn't stopped thinking, and it paralized me. Images ran in my mind, thoughts and ideas being intrusive, and I had no help in silencing them.

The steady rhythm of her breath calmed me down, but as I focused on it the intrusive thoughts only grew.

"Hey." Her voice was quite, almost a whisper.

"Can't sleep?" I answered, with the same crooked tone.

"No."

Her breath is still slow and calm, but I can feel my own heart pounding faster. I wonder if she can hear it beat from beyond my skin.

"When you talked about the type of person you like.

You weren't talking about a boy, right?"

I turned my head to face the wall, watching the creaks, trying to make them absorb my thoughts and visions. I knew she would hate me for it, and the thought of being honest made breathing almost impossible.

"No."

I listened the rumble of her bed sheets, and her light steps on the floor, and my squeaking bed as she set on its other edge. Tears filled my eyes and I swallowed the saliva down my throat.

"Was it about me?"

I rose up on my end of the bed, looking at her being the most difficult thing I have ever done. I couldn't see her clearly through my tears, but I knew she was absolutely beautiful.

"Yes."

She reached out her soft hands around the back of my head, leaning closer and kissing me.

I was surprised and uncomfortable but I loved every moment her tender lips touched mine.

I parted away, breathing heavily as I only now felt relieved. I sounded like a wailing baby, and I must have looked like one when I wiped off my tears that continued to come.

She sat there, holding herself. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I didn't want to make you uncomfortable... I didn't..."

I braced her as hard as I could. We kissed again, now calm between each other's arms, trading our air between our body and stopping only when we had to. We cherished each other's beauty, finding comfort in each other's eyes.

She laid her head on my lap, and I caressed her hair. "I don't want to leave you."

"Me neither." I leaned in and kissed her forehead. "I want to hold you until dawn. But the bed is too small."

She woke up and went to bed, and it dawned on me how tired I am. As we both lay in our separate cushions, she lends her hand towards mine, and I hold hers.

[therealvinelle]

So as of right now who would you cast to play in twilight? And it’s subsequent movies?

You’re making it really difficult for me, anon. This is… well this movie would be ridiculous. You see, I watch very few modern movies. Notice how much of this cast is taken from tumblr, "Little Women", and the MCU.

At least there’s no Ben Barnes.

Alice: Shira Haas

Had to consult a friend for this one.

Shira Haas had her growth stunted by childhood illness, she's a teeny tiny woman. She's the right age too.

Aro: Timothee Chalamet

This one is actually great as far as facecasting goes. Chalamet has the perfect vibe and face for “polite but maniacal ancient, frail-looking over-curious vampire”.

I’m not sure he has the charisma or gravitas needed for the part, I think is Paul in the upcoming Dune movie will tell.

Bella: Freya Allan

She’s very beautiful, the right age, and more importantly she looks delicate and protectable. She nails the vulnerable beauty aesthetic. I think she could pull it off.

Caius: Samuel Jackson, because he’d have so much fun with it. That, and he accepts just about every gig so I might actually get him.

Jackson can put the fear of God into a man and very effectively communicates that he has no time for your nonsense. Caius would be easy as breathing. Also he'd look killer in a white wig.

Carlisle: CGI Henry Cavill

Is he too old, yes, he could be Carlisle's father. Does he look like what I picture from Carlisle, no. But he is insanely good looking, the kind who makes you want to go rethink your life because if you can’t look like that, or have that man’s children, then what’s the point of it all.

His physique fits Carlisle, tall and strong, and he has the charisma for it. He’s one of those who can have no lines in a scene and still be an important part of it.

Besides, in my movie I’d use CGI and a trunkload of makeup on all the actors anyway (we’re assuming I have a ridiculous budget), they’re not supposed to look human.

Edward: I looked up current boy bands, none of the images loaded, then thought about CGI Johnny Depp because my god that man has the range, but then a friend tipped me off to some guy called Finn Wolfhard.

He is the right age, he has very interesting and extreme yet symmetrical features, I don't know if he has the range but he appears to be my best option.

Emmett: Two guys in a coat muscle suit. The one on the top is Tom Holland.

You didn't give me a lot to work with, anon.

CGI and the makeup department will have to bail us out for this one.

Esme: Emma Watson.

She’s not a very good actress, but it’s a small part so she doesn’t have to be. She has the right aesthetic and the right age, I can see her pulling it off.

James: Brad Pitt.

He’d nail it, I’m sure, the guy is a character actor who tragically got lost in the blockbuster scene. I’d be so down for Pitt as James, you people have no idea.

Jane and Alec: Dafne Keen.

She’s amazing, looks the part, and as Alec is a bit part she gets to play both.

Jasper: I’m sobbing, but… Clint Eastwood.

Yes, he’s in his nineties, no I don’t care. No CGI either, just Clint Eastwood as is.

Laurent: William Jackson Harper.

Come to think of it Harper could have made a very compelling Carlisle, but if Carlisle were black he wouldn’t be able to become a doctor in the States in the first place. Twilight would have to be set in another part of the world. It’d be a different story period.

I digress - Harper gets Laurent because he is great at panicking, and that’s really what Laurent has been doing in the face of his life going downhill for the past three hundred years.

Marcus: Margot Robbie.

Look, I have to cast her as somebody in this franchise, but I’m running out of current male actors whose names I know. Robbie is very talented and more, I genuinely think she would relish being swathed in petrified vampire makeup to play this super depressed ancient 19-year-old male vampire.

Mostly I’d cast her to see what she made of the part.

Rosalie: I would have gone Sophie Turner, but she's just not a very good actress. Not good enough for Rosalie, at any rate.

I think I'll say Anya Taylor-Joy instead. I haven't seen her in anything so I can't attest to her talent, but she has the face for the part.

Victoria: Zendaya

I DON’T KNOW A LOT OF CONTEMPORARY ACTRESSES.

Zendaya has a face, she’s an actress, she’s younger than 30. She gets the part. And I do sincerely think she could really look the part. Besides, London has always been a racially mixed city so Victoria doesn't have to be white. Red hair is not an exclusively caucasian trait.

-

All these actors would be slathered in copious amounts of makeup and CGI, and good use of lightning and costumes (think the elves in Lord of the Rings), but yeah, this is... well it's a list. Make of it what you will.

[demivampirew]

Keep calm and go to London.

Tag list: Here’s the incredible people who showed me support (thank you so much for that) and people who asked me to tag them too ☺️ (I think I will write a few chapters of this story, if you want me to tag you, tell me ☺️ ) @cavillanche​ @mary-ann84 @henry-owns-these-tatas @yespolkadotkitty @dancingwendigo​   constip8merm8  penwieldingdreamer iloveyouyen  littlefreya  wondersofdreaming alyxkbrl solariumss  sweetybuzz25  @agniavateira​

Trigger warning: talking about depression; low self-stem and body image issues.

Disclaimer: I mentioned “Jared” in the story, because Jared Leto is my former celebrity boyfriend 😂 🤣 , before I found othe much better (sorry Jer) -if you want to think in other celebrity, you can 😁 -

You were in London for a few days. Your excuse was to visit some old friends that you haven't seen in a while, but the truth was that were trying to scape Los Angeles for a while. It's been a month since your breakup with Jared and you recently found out that the same day that you broke up with him, he slept with that woman that he sweared was just a friend. You knew that he did it in purpose just to hurt you for hurting him, but still it was an awful feeling to know that the person you spend the last five years of your live, who hold you while you cry all day in the last few months due to your depression, and who knew exactly how you feel about that woman, would be capable of doing something like that. Last September, during your tour in Latinamerica, you fell into a deep depression. Brian - your manager and best friend- found you a good therapist that agree to see you via videocall. At first, you didn't want anyone to find out -beside Jared, Brian and Beth, your other best friend- but soon enough you decide to make an statement on your Instagram account, explaining what you were going through. You made that desition after you saw lots of comments from your Latino fans complaining that you didn't have the same love for them as you have for the American and European fans, because you didn't laugh and smile as much in the meet and greets and during the concerts. It hurt immensely to know that they felt thay way, so you decide to let them know it was true that you weren't  able to act happy like you did in the other parts of your world tour, but that it had nothing to do with them or that they love them less than your other fans. After your statement, you receive a lot of support and love and you decide to become an advocate for depression and mental health issues; to fight to erase the stigma around them. Another thing that you did, was promise yourself that you were going to get better, not matter what it takes, your going to get through this. What you didn't realize in that moment, something that a part of you knew for a long time but was avoiding at all cost, is that you needed to end your relationship with Jared if you wanted to get better. He was not a bad man, but he was a terrible boyfriend and you knew it, even if you always tried to make it seem like if he was the perfect partner. He had a few good qualities, like he'd cook for you, and sometimes would text you to tell you that he missed you, and he would hug you every night for sleep. But, unfortunately, that didn't compare to his flaws: he was always working or hagging out with his friends -who included lots of skinny models, one of them was a former lover of his and she even told you to your face that she had feelings for him-; you never went into vacations together because he always cancel last minute due to some work related issue -but yet, he will always find time to travel with friends-, you moved into his house, that you didn't like and when you suggested to buy a new house together he opposed. He had a lots of flaws, but the worst one was the fact that he wanted to keep your relationship in secret. For the first two years of your relationship, you agreed to this because you didn't want paparazzi follow you around everywhere you go, or people commenting on your relationship -especially on the fact the he was nineteen years older than you, you knew that people would love to critize that-, but after a few years, you just wanted to have a normal relationship. You wanted to go to coffeeshops, to travel, to go to a restorant with your boyfriend, to go to the premiere of the movie you were in or an award show together, etc. But he wanted the relationship to remain a secret. It wasn't until one day that you finally convince him to take you out to a restorant that people found out because paparazzi took pictures of you two and the next day the were all over the internet. He say that was ok but gave you the silent treatment for a few days. The fact that he was reluctant to the idea of your relationship being public and being seen with you affected you a lot. You grew up with lots of self-steem and body image issues and before started dated him you finded a way to be ok with your body and even feel sexy and confident, but in the last few years you were back in the self-hate train. You could stop yourself from comparing your curvisious body to the bodies of the skinny Victoria Secret's models friends of your boyfriend.  You were barely being intimate in the last few years, which made everything worst because it made you feel undesirable. But luckily, thanks to therapy, you realize what you needed to do. After breaking up with him, you moved out with your best friend Beth, until you decide your next move. You were feeling tired of LA but didn't want to live in New York either, those places were too big and too loud for you; what you were looking for is some peace. London was such a beautiful city. You'd been there before lots of times, but always for work - you were not only a successful actress, but also a famous musician and one of the biggest songwriters and producers in the world- so you never had much time for sightseeing. After a week, you felt a joy that you haven't felt in a while. That city was so magical. And you also got the chance to see some old friends. It felt like if you finally, after so long, you were alive again. That night you were invited by a friend to one of her friends birthday party. He was the actor Simon Pegg and they worked together in the last two Mission Impossible movies, as she told you. She assure you that she asked Simon if he was ok with you coming to the party and he say yes. You were not a party lover, but thought that probably it'd be a great idea to get out of you confort zone for once. You put up a black lace cocktail dress with long sleeves and let your curls free. Put some makeup -you decide to go for more a natural look- and your favourite perfume and went to the party to meet your friend. Once there, you sigh in relive when you saw that the place wasn't too crowded and the music was not too loud. Your friend was waiting for you by the bar, so you went there and after a long hug you two got reaquented. Last time you saw eachother was when you played a concert in London a year ago. You didn't realize how much you missed her until you saw her again. After an hour or so, your friend was looking to her right and notice something. -Come with me. I want to greet some friends.- she said. You followed her and saw her greet a group of gentlemen. Your friend begin to introduce you to the three men. -Y/N, this is Chris; Chris, this is Y/N. - Yes, I know who she is.- Chris replied - It's a pleasure to meet you. -Thank you, it's a pleasure to meet you too. - And he's Edgar.- she continued. - Nice to meet a legend like you-  Edgar said while shaking your hand. - I think that's a bit exagerated...but just a bit- you said smirking. -And he's Henry. - The mighty Witcher - you say in a playful voice as you shake his hand. -The one and only - he said, grinning - It's a real pleasure to meet you. - Same here. - you replied. You felt a tingly sensation; like electicity running down your spine and you weren't sure if it was because of his touch, because of his captivating smile, his piercing eyes or his deep voice; probably the combination of all of those things. Some time went by and Chris excuse himself and went to talk to other people. My friend was talking to Edgar and I was chatting with Henry. I told him that I was a huge fan of the show and it was a shame that I haven't had time to read the books yet or play the games. He was really surprised when a told him that I actually enjoy playing videogames, although I don't do it very often due to lack of time. We chat about our favourite games and books. At some point in the night, my friend and I went to the ladies room and after we made our way back to the group, Edgar started to ask me some questions. -So, Y/N, I heard about your breakup. I'm really sorry - He said. - Not need to be sorry.- I replied -Oh, ok. I wonder, now that you are single again, are you open to date? -Edgar! Are you trying to hook up with my friend? - my friend questioned in a protective way - No! I'm not asking for me. There's some friends -he cleared his troat- that find her really beautiful and I know would love to have the chance to have a date with her and I just wanted to know if she'd open to the idea. This friends are pretty cool guys, I promise. - Yes, I supose - I answered, not entirely sure. The idea of a blind date doens't sound appeling to me. -Great! We'll see later about that.- he said and then he look at Henry, like if the two of them were having a mental conversation and then he asked my friend to go with him to pick up some drinks. I continue to talk with Henry about games and the show and then he told me that he was going to visit the set the next day and asked me if I was interested in going to see it with him and of course that's not something I'd say no to. So we exchanged phone numbers and I decided to head back to the hotel so I could get some rest to be able to enjoy the next day.

[ohnobjyx]

A snow storm out of nowhere

Part Two: March

In this post we continue to go through XZ’s situation, to better understand why he is where he is now. The ask that originated everything is here, with an index. 

Disclaimer: I try to keep the content objective, but I am biased, by the kind of content I’m usually exposed to and by my own perception of their situation. I may be wrong, and language barriers and cultural differences have to be taken into account. If anyone wants to discuss this, please make sure you have enough information to do so.

I think that even with all the “darkness” this post has, it express also quite nicely why I think XZ won’t be defeated by this. We will see him again, let’s be patient. 

So, taking from Part One, the next day public thought that XZ’s Studio and his team were trying to hush all the commotion. People were very very furious, looking for a way to vent their anger. Some said that the only way they’d let this go was that XZ retired from the entertainment industry.

Attacking his endorsements

That night, Olay was to air a live video with a product that XZ was going to endorse, and antis realized that they had a new way to express their anger. The comments and their interventions during the event made it impossible to progress adequately, and the announcement of XZ endorsing the product had to be put off.

Antis and haters realized the power they had, and started to announce that didn’t just reject the products endorsed by XZ, they also rejected the brands that worked with him. In the face of such controversy and boycott, many brands chose another spoke person temporarily for their commercials and banners, removing XZ’s from their websites.

From March, the antis centered themselves around the topic “Not buying products XZ endorses”, making his value go downwards. The brands he worked with decided to stay low for the time being and removed his image from their websites. Some even decided to terminate their contracts with him, in fear of being boycotted.

Douban

By the 3rd day ao3 was down, reality sank in and people turned to douban, were C/QL, The Joy of Life, Jade Dynasty were in the top 3, all of them series were XZ is lead actor or secondary actor. The antis placed bad reviews, to the point of bringing down the score of C/QL from 8’5 to 7’9 in a single day (we’re talking here of 1′5 million reviews as of today) and affecting every project he has worked on since the beginning of his career as an actor.

Public scorn

XZ as well as XZ fans became the objective of public scorn. From the 1st of March, some of the accusers apologized for “the problems caused”, and the one that had led the report posted a public apology and deleted every post related to the reporting. However, to the rest of the users it looked like they were apologizing against their will, and that they still thought they weren’t wrong, but were doing so in an effort to preserve XZ’s public image, as well as their own image as XZ’s fans.

The conflict ceased between XZ’s fans and the cp fans, now uniting in an effort to lesser the damage. They agreed to bring down the tone of the discussion, and once things cooled down a bit, XZ Studio posted a public apology, asking people to support their idol rationally, to speak and act carefully, as well as saying that XZ was currently quarantined at home.

Antis brought up more complaints about XZ’s fans. Unfortunately, it’s a fact that some of his fans had taken sometimes unreasonable measures to give him the spotlight, such as:

Making him the center of attention in a tv drama in which another actor was the male lead. They took over the community in w/ibo and started to delete all of the other actor’s fans from the group.

Some fans attacked WYB, so XZ wouldn’t have to “divide” his success from C/QL with him. They reported WYB for not having a “host degree” (whatever that is). This was shot down by a statement from Hunan TV, by the way.

Attacking whoever says that they don’t have any interest in XZ’s works (a professor was asked to have a look at his works, and he refused, so XZ’s stans started to attack him).

(Again, bear in mind that antis and hater and these kind of very obssesive fans are a minority, and they are greatly outnumbered by the rest of the people that like and support XZ in a much more rational way... but they make more noise, so to say). 

Antis and people resenting XZ for the 2/27 incident wanted a scapegoat. So I think the resentful party wants the fans to know “so you take away this, I want your idol to pay for it” and antis… they have their own agenda, and that’s for another post. 

XZ Studio’s apology didn’t do much and the drama continued to unfold. Maybe XZ’s Studio wanted to wait for the storm to pass, and since acknowledging the issue would give it importance, they waited until they couldn’t put it off anymore. I don’t know if this was actually right or wrong, but people weren’t satisfied with this apology. XZ’s fans would try to argue with the antis, and thus keeping the image of obsessive fans, even if many of them were actually right.

People were disappointed by the actions taken by his team and waiting for him to say something, but, to their disappointment, XZ didn’t express his opinion. 

Other authors

Fanfiction writers, mostly from the BJYX fandom, would receive insults and attacks from antis and XZ’s stans still pursuing their original stance, so a lot of content has disappeared. 

(To this point: I don’t like RPS. I don’t read RPS fanfics. I didn’t like seeing them and adjusted the filters in ao3 so I could only see fanfics from CQL. But attacking the authors this way is also terribly wrong).

Responsibility and consequences 

XZ had previously signed up with many companies, with WJJW being the main stockholder. Since he was under so many companies, none of them wanted to take responsibility of the matter and try to solve it, so it was left to XZ’s Studio to try and fix it.  

Investors, directors, brands’ representatives... they all thought that it’d take at least half a year for XZ to recover from this blow, and it also depends greatly on how his next work is received by the general public. He still has the support from his fans, but that alone wasn’t enough in the face of such boycott.

While later people who supported him appeared, there were voices at first too that asked him to take responsibility. 

(These are influential people, and, while I’m not surprised that their stance was to support public opinion, as a public figure, you may find yourself in the future in the same position as XZ. To add oil to flames doesn’t seem very kind to me, but again, this is a competitive industry.) 

Support 

At the same time people criticized him and his studio for his management of the issue, prominent people stepped forward and talked in his behalf, like critics, directors, and even lawyers, talking about the legal aspect of the fanfiction, saying that, by Chinese laws, it was indeed violating the law.

(However, there was another article I agreed more with: not liking a content doesn’t give you the right to manage it. That’s the duty and right of the platform, in this case ao3. You may report the author and the work if you find it unsuitable for the platform, but to call the authorities on them is quite excessive). 

It was also positive that in spite of everything, the sales of the products he endorsed remained high and in the lead in March, and the trend continued all the way to July. He’s still considered one of the most influential celebrities, taking usually the top 1. This is why his companies, agencies and his team hasn’t given up on him. As sad as it may sound, if he’s a profitable asset, they won’t give up on him, because he can still earn money for them. 

Since the antis were spreading hate, rumours and false news, trying to damage XZ’s image, the fans also tried for the contrary. They posted about XZ’s kindness and polite gestures, to try to counter the antis’ attacks. 

However, no matter how much his fans support him, the greatest help came from fellow acquaintances, coworkers and friends from the entertainment industry. It’s a reality that no matter how much a fan likes their idol, the average fan doesn’t know him personally. But that can’t be said of people who have worked with him. 

People he had worked with (fellow actresses, critics, directors, screenwriters) supported him by posting comments defending and praising him, expressing their dismay about the antis or by praising him in livestream. For well-known people to step up and speak for him, when they could have stayed silent in fear of retaliation, it’s a true give away of XZ’s character and what these people think of his future, especially if we consider that they are facing a group of unreasonable antis.

(In fact, many of the people who supported him received hateful comments and were attacked for supporting him, but none of them took away their support, that I know of). 

Happy Camp’s support

It was also a good sign that while brands still avoided his image, tv programs didn’t shy away from his image. Happy Camp emitted a video in which XZ appeared, so fans interpreted this as a sign of silent support from the program and the tv channel.  

This was also very important. There have been cases before, when an actor was being seriously boycotted because he had been having an affair, that the tv stations refused to work with him. It got to the point that, when a episode had already been filmed, they used photoshop to erase his image and simply cut out all of his interventions and interactions with other participants .

See that space there, between the girl in blue and the guy with a suit? Such are the miracles of photoshop.

So if an actor has really committed a mistake, the entertainment industry will not hesitate to take away their support. It’s also a way to say that they disapprove of what that person did. 

(To those who are curious, this man had been a very successful actor for many years. He was “happily” married and had a 20 years old son. But when people discovered that he had been keeping a mistress for almost two decades... he fell out of favor. Quick.)

XZ’s very brief appearance in Happy Camp was an auspicious sign for his future, meaning that tv stations are still willing to work with him and that his dramas will likely be aired in spite of everything. 

(I’ve never been happier to wrong, since I thought this would take longer to pass at first. But when I thought about this carefully, I realized that anyone could see that XZ in himself isn’t at fault for what happened, so why would they reject him once the storm passes?).

The start of the public welfare project 

So, in the midst of this situation, which was very serious at the time, XZ’s fans Public Welfare Group was founded, with the support of XZ’s Studio. 

(This is actually quite common in China. A group of fans create a welfare group, and they do volunteering projects and others in the name of their idol. Many celebrities’ fans create a group like this when the fandom is big enough.)

I think it served to remind that idols can use their influence and unite a large group of people to serve purposes that are beneficial to the society (at least in Asia). It came in a “good” moment, because if nothing else, XZ can’t afford that the first that comes to mind to the general public when they see him or his fans is this small group of people, who are the representation of the worst part of his fans.

(Since this project has the support of his studio, he must know of it and must have given his approval. But he is not the one to actually initiate the project, that was a collective effort from his fans: to do welfare projects in his name. He collaborates with welfare projects, he had done it before, and did it again in June. This a reflection of a more positive part of fan quan culture, which will be explained in the next post).

However, because he was in the middle of great controversy and criticism, this move was also considered “hypocritical” and “insincere” by the antis. Nonetheless, the influence such a large group of people have is undeniable (in promoting local commerce in this case), and the local representatives thanked them for their support. They kept on with their projects these months, usually promoting agricultural products from impoverished provinces. They were also praised by the media for the results they achieved.

For those who are inclined to doubt whether this was a move to improve his image, here it’s a compilation of charity and public welfare projects that XZ’s fans pushed forward in 2019, collecting for numerous projects an amount of almost 450.000¥ and 620.000¥ as epidemic relief effort during the coronavirus period, that started in December 2019.

The welfare project was also a source of controversy later... but again, people always seem to find fault with everything you do. 

[carryonmywaywardwriters]

One Day At A Time - Jensen x Reader

A/N: It’s been a while. My days off were spent with writing rather than posting. Now? It’s time to catch up a bit. Have an edited version of a story I’d only just begun getting into before I’d left Tumblr at the beginning of the year. As always, feedback is incredible. And, I hope you all enjoy <3

PSA: I am NOT a minor friendly blog. If you are below 18, please come back when you’re older. I don’t want to lose my blog because you were too eager to grow up. If I discover you, I WILL block. 

Also, this is NOT hate against Danneel. It’s a piece of fiction using real humans as the base. There will be NO negativity against her, the Ackles family, or anything tolerated here.

Upcoming Warnings: Widower!Jensen. Angst. Death. Grieving process. Upcoming smut. Age Gap. And more. Each chapter will be labeled accordingly.

Word Count: Roughly 3,700

“How's he holding up?” Genevieve Padalecki was an actual goddess as she sat across from you in the sunken living room. A loose, white tee paired with ripped jeans while resting on the navy blue couch. Even as drawn and tired as she appeared in that moment, beneath the LeMay hummingbird art, she was incredible. Somehow held mostly together even with the circumstances in front of her. You yearned for that kinda strength.

“He's been trying to smile... Laugh for the kids.” You answered quietly, not wanting to wake the napping children. Or, the resting widower.  As if your voice could carry that far in the massive home. But, it was the first bit of real sleep any of them had gotten since the nightmare had begun. You wouldn't chance it. They needed all the rest that they could muster. “It's falling short...but he's trying.” Your own tired eyes met the red rimmed dark orbs in front of you. “How about you and Jared?” She shook her head, slowly. Her actress's facade crumbling all at once.

“God, I miss her.” The once smooth voice cracked as she fought back the tears. Finally giving into the grief a little. “So...so much...It hasn't even been two weeks, yet, Y/N.” She looked so broken. So defeated. “How am I supposed to survive the rest of my life without my best friend?”

You wanted to give an answer. Wanted to be able to tell her it got better. But, you couldn't. It'd be a lie. Nothing was better in a world without the sunny smile the Mrs. Ackles had bestowed, undoubtedly, every time you turned around.

“I ask myself that question almost every second of everyday.” Jensen's deep voice was ragged as he stood in the hallway. His hair was spiked from the tossing and turning he'd done while he'd tried to escape the reality of his new life. Your heart shattered again at the sight.

“Jens-”

“It's okay,” He was gruff, but not harsh as he cut Genevieve off. Too worn to even begin to try to be angry. His jeans and shirt were wrinkled. Beard untrimmed. Eyes red and glazed with grief. “We're going to be okay. Danneel...she'd want that.” If he said it enough, he might just believe it. “Kids still out?” You could only nod. A lump too large for words to pass rested in your throat.“Good.” His head bobbed with that. As if in a trance. “I'm gonna take a walk...head down to the lake.”

He didn't ask if anyone would watch them. That's what you were there for. His pockets were filled with his beefy hands, and then he was gone as quickly as he'd come.

“I don't know if I can stay here.” You uttered when he was out of hearing range; tossing your hand through your tangled hair. Somehow even more ragged from the brief interaction.

It was all too much. He needed assistance with the twins and J.J. You knew that. But, it was terrifying having to face the grieving process head on. To feel the weight of a love lost residing in the air. Having to stand up to it all while losing your friend in the process. Needing to try and fill the void that was left behind after the accident while holding an entire family together. Anyone would strain under that level of responsibility.

Running would be easier. That was a fact you couldn't seem to escape. It always had been. God knows you'd done it enough in your life. Everything inside of you begged you to take the chance. Flee. And yet...you hadn't quite gathered enough courage to actually try it. Leaving yourself in an odd sort of purgatory.

“He'll understand.” Gen didn't even bother to look back at you. Having latched onto an image of the deceased in the corner. A happy little number showing her and her children.

“Will he?” You didn't believe it. Not even a little. She wasn't there to see the worst of his grief. How alone he was. Your fingers ripped at a hangnail as you pondered over it all.

Jensen had lost his entire future. And with that? He'd lost his focus. The undying optimism he'd once held. His charming dash of humor. Maybe once, he'd have forgiven you walking away. But, not anymore. The kids, his job, and the brewery were overwhelming at the best of times. It was unmanageable even with the help, then. He needed you more than ever.

That's why you'd been hired, initially. To break up the load. Or, so Danneel had claimed. In reality? She'd held everything down just fine with a babysitter on the side. She'd just used it as an excuse to draw you in. Now? It was time to live up to the promise.

You were pulled out of your thoughts with a small sigh, “Even if he doesn't?” Your heart ached at the thought. “You have your own life, Y/N...it's your choice.” Her final words went straight to the point. Injuring you with the bluntness of it. “And if there's anything we learned from all this? Life is too short to fuck around with.”

With that, she took her leave. Needing to find some air. Get back into a head space to handle the other half of the grieving family she was returning to.

You craved the same escape. Instead, the twins appeared. Miniatures of their parents clad in Paw Patrol footie pajamas. Hair mused as they crawled into the comfort you could offer. Solemn, as if their young minds could fully grasp the idea of death. Hours later, JJ walked in the large wooden door. A deep frown etched onto the smooth lines of her face. Her bag dragging the ground as she and Jensen joined. The false cheer emitting from the booming voice only made the tension in the air increase. It was cloaking.

As the night went on, things grew worse. A tight hold on the back of your neck crept forward until your entire skull felt as if it was being crushed. Far from the first time. Zep didn't want the lasagna you'd made. His once ravenous appetite long gone. Justice Jay was trying to step up; telling him how he needed to eat. How her mom would have got him to, and that anyone who couldn't get the boy to wasn't trying hard enough. Arrow sat crying, too distraught to take even a  bite.

Jensen had looked so damn lost while sitting in the tan backed kitchen bar-stool that you'd had no choice but to pull out a whistle. Danneel had used it during a girl scouts meeting months before. And then had brought it back around any time the family got to be too chaotic. Another brilliant idea from the lost soul.

Zep settled for a small, microwavable macaroni and cheese that had been reserved for emergencies. J.J was talked down, gently. Not taking away from her grief; simply bringing her back to a softer place. Arrow was able to eat on your lap; settling into the comfort of a woman's touch gladly. The widower watched in a daze. Being the only one in the room you hadn't needed to fix. Until you noticed that he wasn't eating. Leaving you to discard your plate even longer while you coaxed him into following his kids' lead.

Bed time didn't come nearly fast enough. Dishes with two toddlers flinging soapy water across the designer kitchen. Another night of fighting over homework with Justice. All you wanted to do was crawl into bed and never leave.

With a weary sigh, you left the room Arrow occupied to herself. Moving down the stairs as fast as you could to give yourself some distance. Slamming your hand through your hair all the while. Not sure how much longer you could go on, taking care of everyone. You never had time to process. To breathe. God, how you wanted to breathe again.

Your back pressed against the wall after you hit the main floor. Utter relief filling your veins at the lack of noise. Slouching, you turned to look out at the darkened lake. Hoping the peace of it would trail to you. Only to shoot straight up seconds later as footsteps lumbered down the stairs.

“Thanks,” Jensen appeared, looking worse for the wear. Before you could even think to start, he continued, “Seriously, thanks. I don't...I don't know what I'd do...” His throat worked as emotion threatened to spill over. “I know we're a lot.” That was the understatement of the century.

“Jensen-”

“Don't try n' down play it, Y/N.” He kept going. As if he had no choice. Almost as if he could feel your desperation to run, and was trying to stop it. “We're a wreck, right now. But, you? You make...make it a little less chaotic.” His eyes were watery as he talked. The dam threatening to spill over. Guilt snaked through you at the words. And then he pulled out the last batch of words you wanted to hear. “You're a lot like her. You know that?”

“I don't want to...to take her place,” Your words were garbled as you swallowed the emotion. Terrified that you'd be trapped into the empty space she left behind. Breaking all the while. “I don't...I don't want to just step into the role.” Your own eyes watered as you aired your fears. Gasping for some kind of air. “I don't know how...how to play mom full time. Or step in as the pretend wife of a TV star. I can't even take care of myself. That's why she brought me here.” The emotional fall had been doomed to show up, eventually. You simply hadn't expected it to be so soon. Or so in his face. But, that didn't stop the tirade of emotion leaving your lips. “I want her back, too. I want her to walk...walk back through the door, like every time she's left. To thank me for looking out for you guys... T..tell me how strong I was for holding down the fort... until she got back.”

Because that's the kind of woman she was. She'd loved her family. Her friends. Her careers. And most of all, life. She'd built everyone up. Having her gone had tore them all down.

A tear trailed down your face as you realized Jensen was openly crying. Silent as the water ran down both cheeks. Drop after drop as he fought back a sob. You comprehended then, the enormity of what you'd done.

“Y/N-”

“I'm sorry!” Cutting him off, you tried to find something to say. Anything else. But, words escaped you again. A gasp left your lips when he brought his hands up to your arms, but you didn't have a chance to pull away. He tugged you close. Breaking you further. His arms encompassed you as you both cried deeply. Letting out everything you'd held back since you'd gotten the call about the accident. “I'm...I'm s...so...s...sorry.” You hiccuped into his chest. No longer feeling the need to be strong. His own body shook as he tried to settle back down. “I'm...I'm such a...such a bitch.”

“You're a good friend.” He breathed out in a broken sigh when he could finally gain enough composure to take a step back. But, he didn't break the contact. Needing the sense of closeness as his world spun. “She would have been...she would have proud of you, you know.” You lost it again at that one. Thinking back to the day that had wrecked all of your lives.

Danneel had been going to the brewery. Just as she had everyday. She should have come back. She should have never have been found on the side of the road. A hit and run. The bastard who was guilty had yet to be found.

“I'm sorry,” You pulled away from his grasp completely that time. Wiping at your face clumsily.  Snot plugged up your nose. Your cheeks were stained from the tears. “What I said...I didn't mean it.”

“You did.” Jensen stated easily, falling back onto the closest couch. His head resting in his hands. “That's okay, though.”

“It's not.” Your eyes landed on the image from the wedding that rested on the coffee table as you dropped beside him. It was the closest you two had been in the entire time you'd known each other. Picking it up, you looked closer. Basking in the bit of joy that still resided inside the walls of the home. “She was beautiful.” Your thumb stroked over the image. “And, funny. Smart as a whip.” You'd thought you were all dried out, but another piece of water made its way down your face. “It was hard to not fall in love with the energy she put out there.” Gen had said Danneel had been her best friend. She'd been yours, too. Even though you'd only held her in your life a short time. “She saved me from myself...did you know that?”

“Kinda,” He answered carefully. His own eyes drawn to the ten year old image. “She never gave me the full details.” He leaned in closer, the pad of his finger brushing away the small piece of dust that gathered in the corner. “She just told me that you needed help...and to pretend that she did.”

“That sounds like her,” You whispered, your lips tugging up in a lopsided smile. Thankful to the ghost in the room. “I'd been kicked out of my boyfriend's place. He got bored, or something. I really haven't figured out the 'why' if I'm being honest with myself. Can't even remember why I was with him.” Your hand came back up to wipe against your face as your mind trailed back. You'd lived down the road. Only for a week or two. A perfect stranger. Your bag had hit the grass as she walked by with the twins. A daily stroll turned into more. She'd watched as you stared at the door in disbelief after it slammed shut. “She asked me if I was okay. I lied and said I was...she didn't believe me.”

“She's...She was good at that.” He caught himself trying to keep her in the present. You didn't bring attention to it. Didn't want to hurt him anymore than you already had.

“Dee didn't think twice. Packed me up and took me to a motel. Took my phone number to check in...” If you tried hard enough, you could still remember her holding out her phone. A simple smile on her face as she waited for you to do as told. Knowing you'd cave. You hadn't expected her to really call. Had been oddly relieved when she had. “I had trouble finding work, so she offered a place at the brewery. I didn't know how to take that kind of an offer.”

“Now that you mention it...” His head dropped to the back of the couch as he got more comfortable. Eyes closed as he traveled back in time mentally. “I remember that,” He looked a little lighter as he thought back to his wife. The frustrated call he'd received while on set about the woman who 'needed to come to terms' with Danneel's assistance. “The more you resisted, the more sure she was that she was going to help you out.”

“She used the twins.” Not that you'd complained. They were great. You'd spent hours making faces, drawing pictures, and the works with two of the sweetest children you'd ever met. “She was working on handling the paperwork, and asked me to play with them for a bit. Reeled me in like a fish.”

It had started with one day, with food as your payment. Then, it was for a few hours daily for food and some cash. Next thing you knew, you were in a small guesthouse they'd added to property. It had been the beginning of the best six months of your life. Helping with the kids, the brewery, and animals. You'd gotten a side job, but your notice had gone in as soon as you'd been able to. Jensen had needed all the help he could get with Danneel gone.

“Do you regret it?”

“She gave me a whole new life,” You sighed out, not quite answering the question. Looking at the animated face that rested in the frame. “And instead of being able to hold up? I break in half of a month...” Shame coursed through you.

“To be fair,” His voice was scratchy, “we're all a bit broken right now, Y/N...” No truer words had been spoken.

“What do we do, Jensen?” Your head rested against the back of the couch as he took the frame. Wishing like hell he could travel back to the day encased in ink, you were sure.

“We take it one day at a time,” It's all he knew how to do. Nothing else made sense. It was all too unpredictable. “It's hiatus...We don't have to worry about the show, for a few months. For now?” He tapped the glass, “For now, I'm going to take care of her babies.” The determined, pained note in his voice made your chest ache. “I know that I haven't been helping much-”

“Don't...” Letting him tear himself down wasn't something you could stand. “You're doing better than anyone would dream.” Your hand reached over and squeezed his. Offering a bit of comfort. Not knowing how else to handle it all. “Take care of yourself, too...Eat. Try to sleep. Take your time to clear your head.”

“You could stand to do that, yourself, Y/N...” He swallowed tightly. His own guilt raising its head. He'd been so stuck inside his own mind that he'd missed all the warning signs. How slow you moved. Raw pain lining your features. All of it amplified by how long it had been ignored. “Go... get some sleep. We can start looking for someone else to take over, tomorrow...if that's what you really want.”

With that, he led himself to his room. Leaving you to rest on the couch. Trying to decide if that's what you really needed.

–

“Morning, sleepy,” You whisked the batter. Working to get it as smooth as you could. Zeppelin rubbed his eyes deeply. The green dinosaur pajamas seemed shorter than they'd been the night before. He was growing fast. He'd need more soon. “Blueberries in your pancakes?” A tired nod was your answer as Arrow trailed behind in her favorite Elsa covered nightgown. “Chocolate chips?” Another sleepy, head bob followed. Justice Jay wasn't quite as easy. She was filled with seven year old independence. Ignoring the clothes you'd set out the night before in a way that only a strong headed child could. Instead, donning herself in a purple top with yellow leggings. Her hair, all but the back, brushed neatly. “Strawberries?”

“I can do it,” Her eyes turned up to look into yours. Demanding independence. After all, she was woman of the house, now.

You simply nodded, handing over a bowl of batter and the strawberries she wanted. They were pre-cut. All she had to do is mix the two together. You even let her flip them; feeling more than generous. It was the weekend, after all. And she needed to feel in control of something. Her mood increased slowly, but surely. Maybe I'm onto something...

“Smells good,” Jensen's lips smacked as he walked into the room, as you served up the first round of food.

His casual clothes were less wrinkled than the day before. He seemed more alert. Less like a bottle waiting to explode. The crying, despite how much everyone hated it, was good at clearing some of the pain. At least, enough to make everyone semi-functional.

“Good,” You gestured as you poured a bit of batter from each bowl onto the griddle. “Eat.”

“What about you?” His brows snapped together.

Gone was the mess he'd witnessed the night before. Mostly. The bags still rested beneath your eyes- something he hadn't noticed until tears had caught on them. However, he couldn't help but to zero in on every detail.

“I'll eat in a minute. I'm almost done.” The spatula waved his way. Killing any hope of him taking over. “Now, you eat.”

“Yes, ma'am,” He grumbled, sitting down with his children. Muttering about you being a bully to earn little giggles.

Slowly their personalities began emerging for what felt like the first time in forever. Zep was making zooming noises as he splashed his plane shaped- or as close to it as you could replicate- pancake into his syrup. Arrow was humming to herself, kicking her feet. Spreading more than enough butter across her crown shaped breaded breakfast- princesses were her current favorite thing. Dark hair bouncing on her head as she moved. Little J. Bird was telling her daddy about the animals they'd seen on their school outing the day before. And Jensen? He was enthralled. Giving her every bit of the attention she needed.

Your lips tugged up as you pictured Danneel watching over her family in the back. Her little content smile resting on her face as she looked at all of those she loved. She'd be leaning against the counter, ankles crossed with a headband holding back the hair that escaped her bun. Happy as a lark.

With a deep breath, you walked over to the table with the second plate to ensure that everyone got their helpings. When Jensen's eyes met yours again, he mouthed 'thank you'. You sent back a 'you're welcome' quietly before turning back to Zeppelin as he let out a mini roar, seeking the attention on him. In that moment, you understood. You weren't going anywhere...

Part Two

@winchester-ofthe-lord​

Dean/Jensen: @akshi8278​

Forever: @dean-winchesters-bacon​​ @supernaturalginger​​ @lilulo-12​ @awesome-badass-cafeteria-sauce​

[starsmuserainbow]

So, okay, finally finished what I’ve been working on. In case you’d like to know what it was, it’ll be shown in this post, though for now, here’s a summary and a cut because this’ll be long, and have some images too.

In short: I have picked a few possible faces that I might pick as (real life-) Faceclaims for my muses. Not that I intend to use them much or at all, but I thought it’d be nice to at least for once try and see which faces I would be picking if I were interested in doing so.

I would appreciate hearing other’s thoughts on the matter, though if you don’t want to, that’s okay too of course.

Once more - this post is long, and has a batch of images.

Like said before the cut - this whole thing is not about anything that’ll be a prominent thing on my blogs. I did this mostly for the sake of being able to compare it better, and thought it’d be nice to share it and maybe even get some other opinions.

I’m not gonna name the faces I picked, because I don’t need it to show up in any search and I also don’t see a need for it. If you want to say something to a specific one, you can always go by the order that they’re appearing in this post or, like, describe something of the pose or the picture or whatever. (Example of the first option here, like, ‘I like Starfire #1′ or the likes.)

These edits are not done that well, some at parts a little better or worse than others. I just did them because I was hoping to be able to decide better when the colors actually fit. After each pic, I will list some of my thoughts, probably some pros and cons of the face, that I see, too.

Okay, with that said, on we go!

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

First off:

Starfire!

I actually had a lot of difficulty to find anyone for her that I’d even consider, more so than for most others. Maybe I’m just feeling too attached to her, but I think I’m just in general having a biiiiiiig difficulty to attach animated/drawn characters to people.

#1

I did this one a little earlier than when I actually looked through databases for FCs - she here was my choice because on some other pics she has a really wide smile, which is like mandatory for Starfire to have. I didn’t find a good enough pic of her with her smile though, so I took this one and made it instead, and, idk.

+ wide smile + eyes are not too small-ish

- feels kinda too old for my liking? - not that long hair - I think I checked where she appears in and there’s no appearance, look-wise, anywhere that I could use

#2

Two pics here, glued together so it doesn’t take up too much space, and as you can see I’m not all too constant with colors. And with one of those I actually recolored the dress and her necklace to, to more Starfire-y colors, but yes, you can see that.

+ princess-y attire + better hair-length

- I think where these pics are from is an older thing so the quality probably is bad - I don’t really like her smile all that much if I’m honest

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

While the next two still are Starfire, they are also Blackfire (you’ll see), so I’m gonna call the next part:

Starfire & Blackfire!

So, if you know the cartoon, you know that in there, Blackfire is basically a recoloring of Starfire. With those next two, I tried just that too, just, with different pictures of the actress.

#1

Saw her in something I started to watch, and thought she might work for Starfire. And since I felt that she could work that way too, I did a Blackfire-version too.

+ She’s black, which I know many people feel like is a must for an actress for Starfire, or probably any tamaranean. For me personally, though, that doesn’t really matter, I’d recolor whoever I pick into orange skin anyway. + She can at least kinda fit for both parts, as you can see

- I might end up connecting her to that thing I started watching too much, I tend to do that and it’ll be hard to really feel her as my muses then - dark/black hair is a hassle to recolor into something even faintly as bright red as I’d need it for Starfire

#2

I knew her name still from FC ideas, or fancasts or however it’s called, that people did a longer time ago. I looked her up, and picked some pictures to use.

+ eyes nicely big-enough + expressive face + the hair is long enough to work + the pic I did for Blackfire totally - yes, simply because of it being done in/surroundedby nature - reminds me of the Poison Ivy I once did stuff with both on Starfire and Blackfire, I miss those interactions (or the mun/muse) a lot and just absolutely love that the pic feels like a little like a hinted remembrance for those

- She is, or was, a pretty common pick for stuff in general I think? - I don’t think I found a specific appearance of hers that could work well for my purposes

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

And that’s done too. Now, which you can probably expect to come next:

Blackfire!

#1

Found her only through a database, just like with Starfire #2 and probably most that are still going to follow, and I felt like her features worked kinda at least.

+ Features (face, eyes etc) kinda work for Blackfire + She’s black, for the reason for this being a + see above

- she’s a model; meaning I can’t exactly pick a movie or w/e and have the same looks in all scenes of those to use - dark/black hair, like said, is a hassle to recolor properly as you can see

#2

This was a name I found on someone’s fancasts, and I looked through the appearances of the actress to find sometihng that could work. And I only just now realize that on the right pic, I made the hair too blue-ish, but oh well.

+ Her face and eyes kinda work + the clothes (at least in those two pics) are things I could see Blackfire at least accept wearing

- black hair - the eyes are a little small - the medium this appearance is from is old I think, which means bad quality of pics

#3

I think she’s from a rather well known thing, but I myself don’t know about that so at least I don’t have the problem of associating her to that role.

+ Face and eyes work, at least in these two pics + Clothes work for Blackfire + Her hair is more ‘sleek’ than some of the others in the pics I found, meaning not as many sticking-out hairs to recolor

- In some pics of her I could absolutely not see Blackfire, so I guess it depends a lot on the pose or expression which might mean she’s not that good a fit after all - Comes from a rather well-known thing so even if I myself don’t connect her to it, many others might and I know that when I feel like that I can’t enjoy the FC as much

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

To finish with the royal siblings, next comes:

Wildfire!

Okay, before I get to the pics, lemme just say that oh boy. I seem to have a very mixed idea for him, or maybe that came to be from how I tried to not take someone too old-ish for when Ry’s supposed to be younger than Starfire and Blackfire. Well, you’ll see what I mean - on we go.

#1

I had the idea of this guy saved for a while already before actually looking for FCs, mostly because the hair just fits pretty well and at that time I looked more for that than an actual face I could accept.

+ the hairstyle fits well + the face is kinda ‘long-ish’ which I feel would be a good thing for Wildfire

- I don’t like his face that much, at least not for Wildfire - He doesn’t quite ‘feel’ right

#2

Something very different from the one above, as you probably noticed. This is one of 3 somewhat younger ones I picked, because like said earlier he kinda should be a bit younger than Starfire and Blackfire.

+ hair is okay-ish + medieval-ish attire probably could work well for mimicking Wildfire’s usual clothing

- He’s only in an episode or so playing this role, I think the role has like 3 different actors or so over the time whenever he appears as young - This is one of like two or so pics in total I found of his appearing and idk, on both he doesn’t quite feel right, a little too ‘stiff’ or ‘serious’ idk (though I guess Wildfire is that too at times, idk it’s just hard to explain)

#3

Another one of the younger-ish picks.

+ I like the hair + I think I’m good with his face

- idk how big or small his appearance here is - picture search for the actor’s name is kinda confusing me because on some I think ‘yeah he’s a good fit’ but on some I think ‘what? how could I pick that, no’

#4

Yes yes, I know, those are many, and I’m sorry. I just couldn’t quite decide and made a few. Besides, it isn’t really that much more than for Starfire or Blackfire when you count those that I did both with too.

+ face can work I think + looks younger

- the hair isn’t quite as long-ish as I’d like it for Wildfire - I don’t think I could find any appearance of him in shows etc that I really could use, look-wise

#5

And the last one for him.

+ face is ‘long-ish’, which I kinda feel helps + I like his face better than #1

- the first pic looks like he’s a good fit, but on the one on the right it doesn’t quite feel that much like a fit - I’m not sure if he’s from too known stuff as well

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Next up:

Starlight!

#1

This is not really meant as honest consideration, she is feeling too old for what I’d like to see in Starlight - but I had to do an edit of this pic because this kind of blue is totally what Starlight will love to wear eventually (always with other colors too but, yeah) and so I think this one could actually work for a older-ish Starlight, like teenage or something a little further than that

(Also I just need to say that this is probably the best likeness to how I actually imagine Starlight’s hair that I managed to create)

+ hair was nice to recolor + I like her face

- (feeling) too old for how Starlight is at the moment - I think she too comes from a well-known thing

#2

Please ignore how much I failed at the hair here.

+ the face kinda works + she already has a colorful streak or two in her hair, which could be useful

- from an old thing I think - I’m not sure if I’m completely happy with her face-features

#3

While I do know the show she’s from, it’s luckily been too long since I watched it for me to actually feel her that connected to the role there. Also obviously I did her hair too rainbow-y here, but, yeah, it does well enough for the idea.

+ I like her face + I’m pretty sure she wears some really nice colorful things throughout the show, and even changes style eventually which means a nice variation

- From a well-known thing - I think by now she is a singer of sorts so maybe too many can’t quite connect her to something else

--------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay, since I didn’t do Galfore (honestly I don’t think I could ever find someone fitting even only somewhat), there’s only one left, so you can probably guess who comes now:

Moonshot!

It was a little surprising that I had a rather quick time at finding possibilities for him, and while I’m not 100% sold on either of them, I feel like it was the easiest for him out of all my muses.

#1

I’m running out of things to say to each pic before doing the pro and contra thing.

+ ‘square-y’ face in the way I feel I’d need it + ‘small’ eyes, as in narrowed a bit

- the hair isn’t quite perfect since Moonshot has a bit longer of a hair and more... more messy - I don’t like his face in some of the pics a picture-search gives me

#2

And another one.

+ face and eyes again fit to what I’d be looking for + a good amount of the pics of a picture-search actually are ones I can see working

- I think he’s from something well-known again - and again the hair with the same reasoning as above, but tbh I don’t think I even can find anyone completely fitting anyway

#3

I feel like the options I have for Moonshot are all rather similar. Oh well. I mean, that’s kinda the point, right?

+ face works I think + many pics of the result are ones I can see work

- comes from a rather popular thing as far as I can tell - in some angles, or maybe simply at another time of the actor’s life idk, the face doesn’t look that fitting anymore

-------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

And that’s it! I kinda doubt anyone actually looks as far as here, though if you do, thank you!

I’d appreciate hearing opinions, if you can see any of them work or not and maybe why. You could even name me other options if you want to.

[saiilorstars]

Illuminated

Ch. 2: Enough // Part 1

// Seren’s Masterlist //

Fandom: MCU //  Pairing: Steve Rogers x OFC

Chapter Summary: **One-shot series. After three years of secret communication, Seren and Steve can finally see each other for one night and clear the air between them.

Taglist: @ocfairygodmother @anotherunreadblog​ @maaaaarveeeeel​ @stareyedplanet @perfectlystiles

[If you’d like to be added to this specific OC’s stories/edits, send me a message!]

A/N: Part 2 as I said ages ago!

As a reminder, I picture this OC to look like the actress Mariluz Bermúdez with green eyes and short ginger hair.

"Hey, Twinkle Star!"

Seren rolled her eyes and did her best to focus on her training session. Of course she should've known better than to think Tony would leave her alone so easily.

"Twinkle Star!" He walked further into the room.

Seren stopped altogether and turned to face him. "Seriously, when are you going to stop calling me that horrendous nickname?"

Tony smirked as he learned forwards to flick a strand of her hair. "When you dye this orange hair back to your actual color."

Seren swatted his hand away from her. "Shut up."

"I think you'd look good as a blonde..." Tony pretended to consider the image of her with said hair style.

"Seriously, be quiet." She made to turn away but stopped to clarify something. "And I was originally a brunette, by the way. Get your facts straight."

"Brunette? Really?" Tony made a face. Seren nodded at him. "You can pull it off."

"Is there a reason for this lovely, and early, conversation? I thought you and Pepper had a whole day planned or something..."

"Yeah, we do but..." Tony scratched the side of his head, for once looking truly reluctant about something. "Pep's got this idea..."

Seren raised an eyebrow at him. "What is it?"

"She wants to set you up on a date," Tony managed to say it all in one go. He hated being word-less. That was terrible.

Seren's eyes widened 'till they couldn't anymore. "What!? Why would she want do to that!?"

"These whole blind date things are not my thing but..." Tony bobbed his head. "This time I feel like Pepper might be onto something."

Seren shook her head. "And you were doing so well, Tony!"

"What? So it's a crime to be worried about one of my friends?"

"Tony!"

"Seren, you're one of the few people who stayed behind," he said, still earnestly which was brought Seren down from a soon-to-be anger. "Everyone else sort of...switched on me."

"Tony..." She shook her head. "They didn't fight you because—"

"It doesn't matter, they did it," he shrugged. "But you didn't. You didn't fight anyone. Three years later and you're still here." He smiled at her for a moment but even then it was sad. "But I'm not an idiot. You're not happy and it sucks because you can't wait on Rogers forever."

"I-I am not waiting for anybody!" Seren exclaimed, her face momentarily flustered at the idea of him (or anyone else for that matter) thinking that.

Tony didn't seem the least bit surprised with her reaction. "Yeah, you are. I knew about you and him even before you two did. That's why I know these last 3 years have been hard for you. Seren, you can't wait for someone who's never going to show up."

"I really don't feel like talking about this," Seren said quietly.

Tony understood but it didn't mean he would let things continue the way the were now. "Let Pepper do this, let me do this." Seren leaned on her hip and cocked her head, completely unimpressed with him right now. "Don't worry, I'll vet the guy. Deep background check and everything."

"I'm not...interested in dating anyone, alright?" Seren decided it was best to get out of there. She already had similar conversations with others before and it never ended on a good note.

"Seren, c'mon," Tony went after her, much to her dismay. She had to stop at the doorway and when she turned around, she found him right in front of her. "You think I'd set you up with a loser?"

"No, that's not—"

"I have connections—"

"I'm sure that you do but..." Seren sighed. Even just thinking about having a date with someone unsettled her in oddly ways.

"I'll even have Pepper supervise if that makes it better!" Apparently with that, Tony thought it was all good to go. He clapped Seren's shoulders with a grin on his face. "No loser, trust me!"

"Wait..." Seren called when he hurriedly left her. A date? "I can't do that," she whispered to herself. Why shouldn't you? She looked to the side. Her little voice did strike up a good question. Why shouldn't she? As much as she hated to admit, she was very single. To anyone else, there shouldn't be a problem with a blind date.

But as if it were fate's way to remind her why she held out, her peculiar watch device on her wrist blinked a soft red.

Seren looked around for anyone and when she was sure that she was safe, she opened the message.

When I'm with you, my hope grows,

You feed the love in my soul,

And without thinking, time has stolen my breath.

Yeah, this is why. Seren could only picture Steve sitting down, taking a moment out of his day, to write that stanza out for her. For three years, this was how they communicated with each other. There was something between them but neither had the courage to say it clearly, especially when their conversations were limited to messages. The best they could do was recite their favorite poems to each other. For three years, it'd been enough.

Right now, Seren couldn't say with certainty that it was still enough. She headed for her room, making sure to lock it once she was inside, then headed for the bed-stand. She opened the drawer and pulled out her poem book. For the past 3 years, it'd been their way of communication. It baffled Seren that Steve actually remembered each poem. She could easily take a glance at the book every now and then but him? She was sure that being a fugitive of the law left little time to go buying poem books. He remembered them and he wrote them to her constantly, continuing their cautious dance of admitting their love for each other without having to actually do it, without having to acknowledge it. Because what if she said it with all its colors and he didn't say it back?

Seren took in a small breath. Her fingers gripped the poem book. Despite hating to admit it, Tony may have struck a truth. She couldn't continue living like this. Sending messages wasn't always going to be enough. Yes, she loved Steve but he wasn't there with her. More than that, he may not even feel the same and this whole time their "dance" had been nothing at all.

Bearing all that in mind, Seren decided to be brave just for a moment. One moment would lead her to either end this messaging or do more.

What will be of me if I don't have you?

Send.

She would purposely withhold the next stanza for a few minutes. It wasn't like her to send him just one line. He would definitely know something was different.

And true to that, Steve picked up on the change of tone. It was a bit startling, frankly, considering how long this had been going on. But when Natasha poked her nose into his business, as was her usual, she let him on the secret.

And then he was frightened even more, to which Natasha would kindly laugh and point out how that was more frightening than being on the run?

Steve would answer a full 'yes' because this wasn't about something as malleable as that. This was important. It was Seren. He was ashamed to admit that in the beginning he thought these poem messages wouldn't last long. He loved Seren but he wasn't sure what she felt, and with his unique situation she couldn't possibly tie herself to him. She had every right to move forwards with her life.

Three years later, it seemed like Seren was on the verge of doing it and he felt sick. He didn't want her to move forwards. However selfish it sounded, he didn't want to lose her.

"Go see her," Natasha would then advise him.

"You know I can't do that," he would of course respond with.

"Yes, you can. Wanda's doing the same thing with Vision and we both know that she's not 'keeping space'. Why shouldn't you do the same with Seren?"

That was a good question, alright. Why shouldn't he be able to see her even for just a moment? But, doing that would mean putting her at risk.

"Leave that up to her to decide," Natasha told him.

Fair. That was fair. He would never want to take Seren's choices away. He looked down at his communication's device that always remained on is wrist. (He never knew when he would get a message from Seren).

Taking a similar moment of bravery, Steve decided to message her not a stanza but something completely out of their norm. When Seren read the message, she couldn't believe her eyes. She had to reread it several times before deciding that she wasn't seeing things.

They were coordinates. And a date. Coordinates and a date. Despite all the nerves she felt, and there were a lot, her lips ultimately pulled into a wide smile. Her act of bravery hadn't been a mistake. She would be seeing Steve soon, very soon. Next week. Could she wait that long? Could she keep it a secret that long? Because in the next few days, everyone around her could see a huge difference in her mood. It brought several questions aboard but nothing pulled her down.

Two days before the lucky day would have Tony coming to tell her that he'd found a viable candidate for her blind date. Not even that would affect her.

They were in the kitchen discussing the matter, or rather one trying to persuade the other. The fact that Seren seemed more amused than anything else was baffling Tony thought he could use it as an advantage.

"He works in the Human Resources department, talks to Pepper everyday—he's all about the people. Definitely your kind of guy," Tony motioned her entire being, resulting in her laughter.

"You think that's my type?" Seren planted her arms on the kitchen isle and gave him an amused smile.

"Your past choices say that!" Even though Tony hadn't meant anything wrong with his response, it cleared the smile off her face.

Seren pulled herself away from the isle. "Look, I appreciate the attempt but I'm really not into the idea."

"Seren, c'mon. This Saturday night. Double date to ease the awkwardness."

"I'm actually going to see my parents this weekend," Seren moved around him, hiding her slightly wide eyes. "I don't know if I'll make it back in time."

Tony turned with her. "It doesn't matter. We can reschedule if that happens. I just want you to meet him."

"Tony—"

"Please," he insisted. "It won't hurt but it can sure help you move on."

Seren looked away. She didn't like idea of lying to him but in this situation, she had to. "I don't know if I'll make it back..."

"We can reschedule if that happens, no problem. You'll like him, Seren. I was very serious when I did this." He smiled at her, urging her to let loose for a bit. She tended to be so serious sometimes. Eventually, she smiled at him too.

"Okay, fine. But I'm leaving tomorrow."

"Sounds good to me!"

Seren playfully rolled her eyes but as she headed for the hallway, the guilt got to her. She stopped under the threshold and looked back. "Hey," she called to Tony, "Thanks. I do appreciate your intentions." Tony gave her an earnest nod in return. "I just...I don't know if I can do that."

Once more, Tony nodded and watched her leave. She was too odd even for her half alien, C.I.A. self. "Seren?" he called to her before she would disappear.

She stopped and looked back at him. "Yeah?"

Tony stared long and hard at her, something that made her shift. He noticed it but he wouldn't point it out. She seemed afraid and that was the last thing he wanted. He was too smart not to guess close enough to the truth. He suspected something like this would come one day. And instead of being confident, be smug even, she was afraid.

"Tony, did you need something?" she asked.

Tony cleared his throat and shook his head. "No, um..." He took in a breath and sent her a smile. "Just...thank you." Seren blinked with natural confusion. "Thanks Twinkle Star, for everything."

Seren couldn't help but smile at him. She didn't understand where this was coming from but she would take it nonetheless.

~0~

It was evening when Seren found the place the coordinates led to. She made herself some time to get there in case there were conflicts but thankfully, everything had been calm so far. She was pleasantly surprised with a modest bakery that stood in front of her. It was a bit rundown and there were only a few people inside but it was perfect for what the situation. They couldn't risk meeting in a more public place even if they were one state over. Now she just had to wait.

She gripped her bag's strap over her shoulder, practically digging her nails into it. She felt a little self-conscious standing outside, especially in the evening with few to no people on the streets. Maybe she was drawing more attention just by standing there. Should I go in? Or would it be even more attention-worthy to sit by yourself without ordering? Seren suspected she would have a headache if she didn't figure this out soon.

Her communications device on her wrist flashed a soft red. Seren quickly opened it up to see the new message.

If you are not with me I feel empty hearted and I cannot breathe,

In your arms, by your side, is when I feel I can breathe,

There is nothing left to say nor change.

Seren's heart thumped with feelings. Her lips fell into a smile the more she reread the stanza. For all she knew it, it could be a way for Steve to apologize for not being able to make it.

"Can I take you inside, ma'am?"

Seren jumped in her spot but she would be damned if she felt scared, never with that voice. She lowered her arms to her sides and turned around. She was smiling so widely it could've cracked her face. "I don't know...are there cinnamon rolls in there?" Her attempt to be casual was an utter fail but she was confident that Steve would never tell her.

"We could find out together...?" He returned with the same tone. Seren laughed softly. Steve held his breath soon as he heard it. He forgot what she sounded like and even now, he couldn't relish it enough. He stepped towards her, wanting to be as close as possible to but since he wasn't sure what she wanted, he had to stop a few inches from her.

Seren lost her own breath at the sight of him. "Hi," she said, unable to help the shine of tears in her eyes. It was surreal being able to see him again.

"Hi," he looked down at her. She looked exactly how he remembered and pictured her each day. Her usual sparkly green eyes were enhanced with her make up. Her lips were plump and with a dash of pink lipstick, matching her cheeks. He could see a burgundy silk dress peeking under her khaki-color coat. She was beautiful. Time could pass her by and she would always be beautiful. He missed her so much.

"You look different," Seren raised her hands as if to touch him but she stopped midway. He might not want her touching him. "Does the beard help you hide or...?" She tried to be as casual about it as possible (yet again) but she really liked his new appearance. He wore a black, long sleeved, buttoned-up shirt with dark pants to match.

It was Steve's turn to laugh. "Ah, sort of. Well, yes, actually. It does."

Seren leaned forwards in her amusement. She used to always lean on him when they were having a moment, whether it was a joking matter or not. She caught herself, though, and tried pulling herself away when Steve caught her wrists. It startled her but in such a good way that it didn't even matter. "I've missed you," she said quietly, far more frail than she ever wanted to be. She felt the squeeze of his hands around her wrists. "A lot. Did you?"

"Yeah," he nodded. He slid his hands from her wrists to his hands. "You wouldn't believe the amount." He brought her left hand to his lips for a kiss on her palm, something he always used to do. He held her hand closely to his face afterwards.

Seren could easily believe him. He never lied to her. She pulled her hand out of his grip, doing the same with her other one, and cupped his face. She half-smiled at the way he leaned into her touch. She was warm, exactly how he remembered her. "Wherever you've been, I'm glad that you came back to me...even if it's just for one night."

Steve nodded. "I never thought I'd be seeing you like this," he confessed. "I'm sorry for this—"

"Shh, no," Seren cut him off before he went with a senseless apology. "I'm just glad you let me come see you. I know the risk you're taking coming to see me. I see it, and I..." She trailed off to swallow hard. Still afraid!? She was. Even when she has him standing in front of her, she was still afraid of saying it and getting a rejection in return.

"You want to go inside?" Steve asked her, eyes briefly flickering over her head to make sure nobody was looking at them oddly. He specifically chose the neighborhood for it's near solitude. "I don't know about cinnamon rolls but I'm sure they'll have something for us."

Seren nodded. "Mhm." She took her hands from her face, about to slip them into her coat's pockets when Steve took one to hold. She was happy to let him lead the way in. He held her hand tightly like she would slip away if he loosened his grip even for a second.

Unsurprisingly, there wasn't a lot to order from at the late hour.

"I'm sorry," Steve said when they started for an empty table. "I hoped there would be at least one one cinnamon roll for you—"

"It's fine," Seren said quickly, waving him off with her free hand. "I didn't exactly come here for a pastry." She stopped by their table and turned to him with a big smile on her face.

"Yeah? Exactly what did you come for, then?" Steve asked her, almost losing the urge to smirk. It was the question he kept asking himself in the last few days. Seren was risking her own freedom coming to meet him. Why? She didn't have to; she was choosing to.

Seren ducked her gaze as soon as she felt her face warm up. "I missed you," she said quietly and turned away to reach her seat. She wasn't lying but it was still only half of the truth. Nothing wrong with baby steps, she told herself. "I said that already." She unbuttoned her coat and pulled it off, revealing a silk-satin burgundy wrap dress with long puff sleeves underneath. "And if I recall correctly, you said the same thing too...right?" She left her coat draped on her chair then looked at Steve for his response. If he was going to put her on the spot, she was going to return the favor.

He gave a half-nod. "Yeah," he agreed. His eyes trailed her over while she stood waiting for more of his response. He was speechless, as it turned out. Yeah, he really missed her. "You look beautiful."

Seren blushed. She thought she would be overdressed yet at the same time she wanted to look nice. It wasn't an ordinary night. "Thank you."

They sat down together after a short awkward moment passed by.

"Is everyone good?" Seren had to ask. "Are they...safe?"

Steve nodded. "As much as they can be. We move around a lot. It's for the best."

"But you came back here," Seren said, momentarily looking down at the table. "I know everything you're risking right now. Are the others mad?"

"Not at all," Steve surprised her. He smiled when her gaze snapped up. "Seren, they love you. If they could have, they would've been here too." But they had all collectively agreed that he should see Seren. He wouldn't mention that to Seren. "And just so we're clear, I want to be here."

Seren's lips curved into a timid smile. "I'm happy," she whispered. "Because the last time we saw each other...it wasn't good." Even thinking about it now struck her with the same raw pain as she'd felt that day.

"I know," said Steve. "You have to know that I'm so sorry for all that. You were the last person I wanted to harm. I left you alone because I didn't want to drag you into my mess. I wanted you to keep living your life just like you always had. So, what have you done since then?"

Seren shrugged her shoulders. "I don't know, nothing spectacular..."

"Seren," Steve's face fell flat.

She groaned. "Okay fine, I've done my fair share of missions for the C.I.A. and with Tony. Oh—" she snapped her fingers, "—I've visited Scott and Clint. They are doing fine in their house arrest deal. And really, I say 'visited' in a very loose term because, you know, house arrest and whatnot but I was able to talk to them and..." She trailed off with another shrug, though this time with a grin. "They're doing fine and I swore to them that I had no way of telling you this but I guess now I just told you..."

Steve laughed with her way. He couldn't get enough of her. In fact, this was the first real laugh he had in 3 years. Seren Soul was his light and she had no idea. "It's good to know that they're going to be okay."

"They are," Seren nodded. "And, you know, Tony's doing good too. Rhodey...he's good too. And..." she lowered her voice, "Bucky is too. I have constant communication with T'Challa. You don't have to worry about him, even though I suspect that's what you do half your time."

"It's just hard not to," Steve admitted. He spent the better part of his life trying to save Bucky and now that he kind of had, he couldn't even see him. "But that's why you're here. You look after everyone, just like you always do."

Seren smiled. "I try my best."

"It's why you don't deserve to be in this situation with me right now." Steve knew as soon as he said the truth it would cause a rift between them.

"Hey, don't," she shook her head. "I sent you the line. I wanted to see you again. It's selfish, really, because I did it for a reason." She took in a breath before continuing. "Tony's setting me up on a date tomorrow night. A double date. I don't know who he is but Tony says he's a good man." A short pause followed in hopes that Steve would say something but when Seren met his gaze he wasn't even looking at her.

He shifted in his seat. Of course he knew it was more than right for her to go on with her life. She was beautiful, intelligent, loyal and had a hell of a power. Any man would fall for her. He would know. "Seren, I..." He was at a loss for words again. What could he say? 'No, don't go on a date. I love you.' He was pretty sure that was selfish.

It's selfish to love her? Okay, maybe that wasn't exactly selfish. Loving her wasn't selfish. It was...the best thing that happened to him. So then tell her!

"Tony always liked you," he said after what seemed like ages for Seren. "He would pick someone good for you."

Disappointment flashed across Seren's eyes. "That's it?" she whispered. "That's all you have to say?"

"Seren, I don't know what you want me to say..."

If you are not with me I feel like I'm in a void, dying from the cold,

If I'm not by your side I loose my senses

Seren finished reciting the stanzas with a huff. "Your turn."

He knew the next line, yes he did, but it felt wrong saying it in this situation. The messages he would send her were from their special poem book. It was what he felt. He would never say it to prove a point.

"You're always on my mind, Steve," Seren sighed. She stretched a hand across the table to grab his hand. "You have to know that by now. I-I tried to say it the last time we saw each other but since I couldn't say it, I sent you that stanza. It was our poem book. We read every poem in that book, we talked about each line, each stanza. We understood its meanings. You had to realize what I was trying to say in that first message. Please." She squeezed his hand, urging him to speak.

"I had an idea," he admitted. He wasn't completely stupid when it came to women, at least not anymore. "But I never talked about it because...because of where we are. Seren, I love our messages. You have no idea what it means to me each time I see a new message from you. The fact you still give me the time of day after all this, after three years...you've no idea. But this is our reality, and it's not good one. The best thing you can do is go on that date and live your life."

Seren pulled her hand off his, partially out of anger. She couldn't believe her ears. "Maybe this was a mistake," she whispered. This had been her fear from the start. Rejection. The worst part is that she hadn't even said it. She'd only gotten a part of it out and it already blew up in her face.

"Seren, I'm really sorry." Steve felt like a broken record. How many times had he apologized to her already? He kept messing things up and this time it seemed to be hurting her even more.

"I think I should go," she muttered, her arm already stretching back for her coat. She was stupid to think this would actually go somewhere.

"No, Seren—"

She had put on her coat, albeit a little crookedly, and stood up from her chair. "I was an idiot for even considering that this whole thing would-would turn out like this!"

"Turn like what?" Steve was quick to get up as well. Things had gone bad very fast!

"Like this!" Seren frantically gestured between them. She reached for her purse hanging on her chair. "Because I wanted you to say something different! Something..."

"Something not bad," Steve said quietly. He understood her perfectly now. "Seren, I wish things could be different but...they're not."

She nodded slowly, her eyes still teary. She looked away for a second as she tried gathering her words. "Sending those messages, getting them, they always filled me with this warmth right here," she placed her hand over her heart. "Knowing that you knew the lines to our poems, that you were writing them for me...it was everything. It was enough." She willed herself to meet his gaze even though she knew she had to look like a mess. "But now it's not. It's not enough to have words anymore—I want you. I love you."

How long had he waited to hear that? Steve could lose count if he got to thinking about it. She was vulnerable with the truth and with his silence. What could he say to her? Before any of this mess started, he would've been over the moon to hear her say that. He could've given her a lot more than he ever could right now. "Seren, you know that it...we couldn't..."

"I know," she said. "I know that it's logically impossible. Logically, I shouldn't have said anything but to be fair, neither of us should have started those messages three years ago. We both knew what it was: a dance. A dance around the words that we wouldn't say to each other." She moved around the table until she stood directly in front of him, head raised to look him in his eyes. This was as brave as she would ever be. "I don't want to dance anymore. I can't do it. I wasn't lying about what I said through those poems. 'There's so much to invent and nothing to fake. I fell in love with you.'" The best part of that poem and she had to go saying it for this moment. Seren couldn't find a better moment than this. "

"This isn't fair," is what came out of Steve's mouth seconds after thinking of it in his head. There she was, looking beautiful as ever, saying she loved him, and waiting for him to say it back. And it wouldn't make a damn difference in the end. Because when the night was over, he would have to go in a very different path than her. He would leave the state and who knew when he would be remotely close to her again?

Someone cleared their throat but it was neither of them. A waitress had come up to them with their order in her hands. "Your orders...?" She could sense the tension in the air.

Seren tore her gaze from Steve to look at the young woman. "We're sorry, could you make that to-go? We're sort of done here." The waitress nodded her head and left in a hurry. Seren wouldn't blame her. She'd love to run out of there too.

"Seren, I'm sorry," Steve finally said. She looked. back at him with the saddest of eyes, something he was responsible for.

"Don't worry. It's my fault too," she shrugged. "I had the chance to say it multiple times and I didn't." If she had said it the first time she realized it, the first night they'd been together, maybe things would've turned out differently.

Steve wouldn't lie to himself and say that it wouldn't have made things different between them. It hurt like hell having to pretend like their night together had been something accidental and casual. Nothing serious. "Can I...can I take you back to where you're staying, please?"

Seren would offer him a small smile. "Yeah," she nodded. The night had been cut short but she still wanted to take one last walk with him. "You don't have anywhere else to be?"

"No," he said quickly.

After taking the pastries they'd ordered, something neither of them could even remember what it was anymore, they left the place. Seren had done her due diligence by staying at a hotel decently away from the shop. It was even under a different name.

"Celeste Guedes?" Steve found himself asking after he'd heard the name.

Seren flushed. "Uh, that was actually going to be my name. Don't worry, my parents never shared that with anyone except for me."

"Hayley," Steve tried the name out and looked at her questionably. "I don't know about it..."

Seren playfully rolled her eyes and led the way into the elevator. "Yeah, that's what they said too. Also, it just 'didn't have the same rhythm'—" she raised her hands to do quotation marks, "—as 'Seren' did."

"I agree," Steve said wholeheartedly. "Plus, your name has a perfect translation..."

"I know," she said in a manner indicating she'd heard it one too many times. She pressed the floor number and watched the elevator doors slide shut.

"...star soul..." Steve said with a smirk that grew when he heard her sigh.

"Don't make me hurt you. You know that I can."

Steve nodded. One of the things that made her unique amongst everyone he met in the new world is that she could indeed "make a dent on him" as she once put it. Just thinking about it made him want to laugh.

They descended from the elevator with a less terse tension between them. Seren brought him inside her room and soon felt the awkwardness she had prayed to God wouldn't find them. She left the pastry bag on the table, along with her bag. She pulled her coat off and chucked it to the table's chair.

"Look, Seren," Steve started once he felt their time coming to an end, "I know things didn't end well but I'm thankful that you came to see me. You've no idea how much that means to me."

Seren nodded. "You don't know what it meant to me for you to risk coming in the first place. I...probably shouldn't have acted the way I did back there..." Steve moved to tell her not to even apologize but she was quicker than him. "I'm sorry. I put you on the spot. It doesn't have to end nicely but you know what? I don't regret telling you."

"But I hurt you..." Steve said, looking at her with the amount of guilt that only he could carry.

Seren shook her head at him. She walked up to him, her hands about to lay on his shoulders when she hesitated. "I hurt you, Steve. The morning after...I know I did. I should have said the truth but I was afraid. It's no excuse..."

"Stop," Steve managed to cut in. He was sure if he let her go on she would apologize for hours. He cupped her face, eyes begging her to listen and just stop talking. "You want to agree on something? We both messed up. Yeah, you should've said something that night but you know what? I could've fought harder too. I could've done something instead of letting you walk away. We could've had something but we both made mistakes. It's not just on you."

"I don't want to walk away from you again," Seren said. She could feel the sting of tears in her eyes. "I don't want to make the same mistake again."

Steve could smile at that. He gingerly splayed his fingers over her cheeks. "It would be my mistake to let you ruin your life just to follow me, not to mention selfish."

"I am very okay with that," Seren said much too easily to be serious, at least that's what Steve thought. It was hard to be sure when her tears were rolling down her face.

He cleared a few of them with his fingers. "It's not okay."

"Then what do you want me to do?" she asked on the verge of frantic. "You want me to go on that date that I don't want? Meet some man that I know I won't like? He's going to try and hold my hand, hug me, kiss me! Is that what you want because I don't want that!" And she was sure that he didn't either, if there was anything to think about when she felt his hands stiffen for a second. She struck the nerve.

"No, I don't but what's the alternative? You waiting for me forever?" Because Steve knew that she was very capable of doing that. He lowered one of his hands from her face to her side. He had an idea of where this was heading and, just like earlier, he wanted to take advantage of every last moment he could have with her. He nuzzled his nose against her cheek, taking in light breaths. She smelled so sweet, "Call me crazy but I'm not very fond of that either."

"So you're going to let me go?" Seren whispered. Whether she wanted to or not, her body would shift each time Steve's hand happened to move along her side. His fingers felt soft even over her dress' material. She brought an arm over his shoulder, hoping to keep him close. "Metaphorically? And physically?"

Steve stiffened again. He pulled back slightly to meet her eyes. "You're not being very fair." Seren raised her head, leaving very little space between them. "You know exactly what I feel."

"I do?"

"Yes!"

"I don't think so—"

"Seren—"

"What would that be, then?"

Steve paused to look at her. Her expression had stayed calm as ever which was only that more annoying right now. He was losing it and she knew it. He was going to end up giving in...but would that really be a punishment? Not now but later. That was the thing. Right now was different. He could pretend for one moment that reality wasn't terrible. It wasn't unfair.

"Oh lovey, I don't like this any more than you do," Seren said with a sad smile. "Be kind to yourself. What do you feel?"

"You really want to know?" Steve couldn't believe he had to even ask that. He'd shown it already; moments that had surely gone over her head in the past. But there was actually a part of him willing to admit to a bit of disappointment that his feelings hadn't been made clear during their unplanned night together years ago. There was only one way to make things absolutely clear. "You're what I love the most, what I've dreamt to love." A smile started spreading across Seren's face as soon as she recognized the lines. "You're my light every morning."

Seren couldn't possibly smile any bigger. "What would become of me if I can't have you?"

The winning question.

It had a foul answer that even Steve didn't want to think about. He'd been doing it already and he wasn't sure how much more he could take. "Seren?"

"Hm?"

"I love you." Saying it out loud for the first time lifted a heavy weight from his shoulders. It was no longer his secret and he was oh-so-fine with it.

Seren might have felt the fuzziest of feelings hearing those words. She smiled softly at him and raised her hand to his cheek. "I know..."

"Did you always know?"

"...no." Seren pulled her hand from his face.

"Did you ever wonder?" Steve met her gaze to study every detail of her expressions. He had to know if she did.

She looked away from him, whether out of guilt or to simply think about it he wasn't sure. "Not in the beginning," she admitted. "Everyone knows you were always sweet to everyone. I just thought since you met me first, I was a little special."

"You were," he agreed. "But it wasn't solely because I met you first. You didn't ever consider it could've been more?" She shrugged slowly. Steve didn't miss the faint blush on her face. "Seren?" he called to her with a light smile.

"I don't know, maybe!" she shrugged again. "The fact is, I should've but I didn't and I'm so sorry."

"Hey, I didn't ask to make you apologize," Steve couldn't help the amusement in his tone. "I've just always wanted to know..."

"Did I disappoint you?" she asked with a decent amount of fear in her eyes.

"No, never sweetheart," Steve cradled her face. "You could never." Seren actually pouted which only made him want to laugh. How could he not love her?

Yet another winning question. How could he not love her? How could he stop? Unlike the earlier question, these had answers.

"Seren?" He traced light circles over her cheeks.

She loved his touch. "Yeah?"

"I'm not sure what...what we're supposed to do now..." There were a couple ideas running through his head but he wasn't sure how well they would go.

Fortunately, similar ideas were occupying Seren's mind too. She was aware the space between them had gotten smaller but it wasn't enough (what an irony). "Tell me I'm yours," she said, deliberately avoiding his eyes for a second. She didn't think she could handle that rejection.

"You're mine," Steve said without a second thought. She was absolutely his, if there was anything to get from this entire discussion.

Seren smiled at him. "And you are mine." Her arms slid around his neck and, to prove that she could very well match his strength, she pulled him down.

Their lips met in an abrupt crash but it didn't last long. Whether they cared to admit it or not, the familiarity of each other was still there and it was strong. So strong it was that it was frightening how quickly they craved for each other. Steve's hands fell to her sides, bunching up her dress in fistfuls. He touched her skin every now and then but he was well aware that it wasn't enough. He wanted more—he always did. She drove him crazy and the time apart only amplified his feelings for her.

He didn't have time to wonder if she felt the same intensity as he did. Her arms around his neck had unwinded to come down on his chest. Her fingers toyed with the buttons of his shirt for a few seconds before deciding that the time for hesitation was more than over. She pulled them apart, surprisingly without ripping them. They shared a muffled laugh between them that only lasted seconds in favor of the moment.

Seren helped him pull the shirt off him afterwards. "You're staying tonight, right?" she asked him.

Steve couldn't think of any other place he'd rather be. His arms slid around her back, his fingers already searching for the opening of her dress. "If you'll let me," he decided to play with her. He smiled when she rolled her eyes.

"Don't you dare—"

Steve turned her around unexpectedly and rested her back against his chest. "Don't you dare what?" He asked beside her ear.

She shuddered with his kisses on her shoulder "I...have no idea," she admitted. It sounded like she lost air. Not even his short laugh was able to ruin her. She reached an arm back around his neck, her fingers gripping his skin each time he kissed down her neck.

Eventually, he had to pull the zipper of her dress down if he wanted to keep trailing her shoulders. She shifted a bit as the dress started falling below her shoulders.

Steve paused when he saw the familiar birthmark at the end of her shoulder. When Seren followed his gaze, she had a moment of panic. A nice perfectly-shaped star mark that grew up with her was always a reminder that she wasn't normal. She wasn't just a human.

"Hey," she started, voice frail, "If it's too much..."

"Too much?" he repeated, eyebrows knitting together in a momentary confusion.

"You know...out of this world..." she raised a finger to the ceiling in her referent to space.

Steve would've laughed if he didn't know her struggles with that other side of her. They'd gone into full discussions about the matter in the past, after all. "You are out of this world, sweetheart." He pressed a soft kiss on her birthmark. "I was always afraid I wasn't going to be enough for someone like you."

Seren turned around at that, her expression startled. "You? You are..." She lost her air again but, just like the last time, it was such a good feeling. "You're everything to me. I'm sorry it took me so long to tell you." She shifted in her spot until her dress was able to sink down to the ground.

Steve was baffled by the sight of her, just like the first time they were together. Some things never changed. "I love you," he blurted. Seren laughed when he realized how he'd said it. "I—that's not how I meant..."

Seren couldn't take him sometimes. Even when he had everything in front of him, he still couldn't quite grasp it. "Someone else would've kissed me by now."

Steve had no doubt about that in his mind. She was breathtaking and just waiting. "Yeah." His hands caught her body in the abrupt manner he'd dove to kiss her. There would be no talking, certainly nothing to make him fumble. He wanted her, he loved her, and he was going to send that message tonight.

~0~

It was far too early for anyone to be up. The sun was only just peeking in the sky. It should've been a relatively calm Saturday morning—it was for everyone else. For others, it was bittersweet.

"When do you have to go?" Seren's whisper didn't even sound like a whisper in the dead silence.

"...yesterday." Steve felt the shake of her body when she laughed. He smiled to himself.

She draped her arm further over his body and readjusted her head on his chest. "You're funny," she remarked. "So funny that I might not let you get out of this bed."

Steve didn't want to leave the bed. She was tucked so nicely beside him, so warm and lovely. Who could ever want to leave her side?

However, they both knew that reality was close to catching up to them again. Sooner or later, their bubble was going to pop and they would once again find themselves in the same old problem.

Seren sensed that Steve was a little closer to that reality than she was at the moment. "I'm sorry," she felt the urge to say.

He ran a hand up and down her back. "You're not the only one in this, sweetheart. I followed and I'm pretty sure I led at some point."

She smiled for a brief second. "Yes, you did. For a while. And it was fine leading too."

"Oh, now you're being funny," he said. She shrugged and snuggled up to him. He welcomed the opportunity to hold her close. He wanted to soak up ever moment with her. He was sure that he wouldn't be forgetting the night anytime soon. The way she'd called his name throughout the night was forever imprinted in his mind, along with her soft lips and touches.

"I can be funny," Seren said with a giggle.

Steve shifted on his side after that bit. He met her green eyes sparkling with mischief, a trait she rarely showed. "I do have to go soon, though." She nodded silently, her face falling in a disheartening expression.

There was reality about to knock on their door.

"You know I don't want to go," he reminded.

"But you're going to," she responded with a slight snap to her tone. It was an unfair thing to say, she knew, but it was breaking her heart.

"Seren," he said her name sweetly when she tried getting out of his hug. When she wouldn't stop, he decided to flip the tables. Literally. He turned her on her back and hovered over her. "You're locked in for the next two minutes," he warned her.

She frowned. "You do realize that one star blast from me and you—" she jabbed a finger to his chest, "—are super soldier dust."

Steve chuckled. "I am very aware of that, ma'am. Grant me 2 minutes out of the kindness of your heart?" He gave her a soft kiss on the lips. "Please?"

Seren begrudgingly fell with that kiss. "I love you and I know it's selfish to be mad but you know what? I don't care. I want to be with you. Don't you remember? 'If you're not with me, air leaves me and I am empty hearted.'"

Steve nodded to the next line. He felt the same way. "'Being in your arms, only by your side is when I feel like I can breathe.'"

Seren's hands cupped his face. "'There's nothing to change, nothing else to say.'"

"There really isn't," Steve agreed. Everything they wanted to say, they already had last night. He kissed her again, if only to remind her that what they had was real. Nobody could take that away. Seren would welcome every reminder with open arms, or in this case arms wrapped around his neck.

Because later on reality would come in the form of a text message.

Lounging in Steve's black shirt, Seren found her bag and pulled her phone out to see the text on her screen. "It's from Tony," she said. "Uuh...he's asking me if I'm coming back tonight in time for the date he's setting me up on." She turned around to meet Steve's gaze.

He'd already gotten out of bed and was half clothed—there was no way Seren was giving him his shirt back right now. (Yet another way to keep them in their bubble for a bit longer). "I think that anything I say will only make you upset with me."

Seren sighed heavily. He was probably right. She looked at her phone again. Her fingers hovered over the keyboard several minutes before she decided to put the phone down. "I can't." She left it on the table and walked over to the window. She pulled the curtains open and illuminated the room with the morning sunshine. "I'd much rather do this."

A few seconds later, Steve had walked up behind her. As much distance as he should've placed between them, he just couldn't stay away. He hugged her tight from behind and planted a kiss on her cheek. She smiled like she wasn't just contemplating going on a date with someone else. "Whatever happens, you know that you're my world."

Seren snuggled to him, hoping his arms would squeeze her just a bit to be even more warm. "Mm, you can't say things like that and expect me to go on a date with someone else."

"It's because of that, that I'm saying it," countered Steve. "I need you to know before we...go our separate ways."

"It doesn't have to be," Seren said. "Let me come with you." She expected the minute-long silence that followed after that. It was the first time she'd said it so bluntly and even then Seren didn't regret it. It was like she'd said yesterday, she was tired of the cautious dance. "It's not enough anymore, Steve. I will lose my mind eventually."

"Seren, realize what you're asking here," Steve practically begged her. "If you come with me, you're going to lose everything. You have a job, you have friends, your family. You wouldn't be able to see your own parents."

"I know," Seren promised him. "I'm not stupid, I know exactly what it means to come with you. I love my family but they know that I'm not happy. Even Tony knows it—it's why he's trying to set me up on that date. Everybody knows that I'm not happy. Would it be so bad if I finally did what would make me happy?"

"No," Steve said quietly. "I guess not..."

"If you're not with me I'm left in the middle of nowhere. If I'm not with you, I lose my senses." Seren smirked when he groaned.

"That's not fair!"

"That's an understatement, isn't it?"

Steve sighed heavily and nodded. "Yeah."

"C'mon, would it be that bad if I came along with you?"

"You know that's not the issue..."

"We'd wake up together..."

"To make a run at the crack of dawn." Seren felt him tighten his grip around her. "I wouldn't want to put you in that situation. Watching the morning sun like this is hardly something we'd have time to do."

"There'd be some moments," she said, knowing that he wouldn't agree to it even though it was a hard fact. "But I'm not here for the morning suns, you know. All I want is to be with you...but not by force." She wiggled her body until he was forced to let her go and she was able to turn around to face him. "I won't come with you if you don't want me to, but I won't be waiting anymore. I can't do that anymore. And this isn't blackmail either. I get what you want to do for us, and I love that you care so much for me, but I can't do the messaging anymore. I can't...communicate with you after this."

"I know," Steve nodded, head hanging for a moment. He wasn't sure he'd be able to keep communicating with her either knowing that it wasn't going anywhere.

"So," Seren reached up to cup his face, "I ask you again, can I come with you?"

"It would just...it would be selfish of me to say 'yes' knowing what that meant for you." Steve pulled one of her hands from his face. He kissed her palm and looked deep into her eyes. "Your career, your family...am I really worth losing all that?" It was a scary thing to realize and that was saying something considering everything he'd been through in the past.

Seren nodded without a trace of doubt. "I have never met anyone who made me decide things so easily like this. Yes, you are worth everything. I don't have to think twice about things when it comes to you. It's scary but at the same exhilarating. I don't know if it's the same for you but...this is what it is to me."

"No, I understand," Steve said, easing her nerves. "I'd do anything for you. I kept an eye on you in the beginning, you know, when we went on the run. I know they called you in countless times for interrogation. If it had ever threatened your job, your own freedom...I would've come back." He squeezed her hand in his. "No doubt, no hesitation."

Seren's heart swelled until she laughed out of sheer happiness. It was infectious. She had Steve doing the same in a minute. "Let's run together, lovey. I can keep up."

"I think you're the only woman who can," Steve said with a light chuckle to follow. "Literally. But I have to ask one more time, is this really what you want? There's no going back..."

Seren nodded her head. "Yes. I know my family will understand. And Tony...I think deep down he knows this was coming." She locked her arms around his neck.

"Seren, I just want you to be happy and I guess that's...with me." It was even weird for Steve to say that and realize it was true. It was hard because he never thought he'd have someone like Seren. Actually, he never thought he would have Seren. His eyes glanced over her to the window. The full morning sun had shined through. He knew he'd been saying the truth when he told Seren that their mornings wouldn't involve watching the sun rising but if they could have just one every so often, it would be enough. He understood her. His gaze shifted back to Seren. "We have to leave in an hour."

Seren's face lit up. "Oh my goodness!"

"If you're sure about this, it's an hour max."

"If I'm 'sure' about this—you're damn right I'm sure about it! I'm sure about you!" She laughed and pulled him down for a kiss.

With his own laugh, Steve picked her up and she easily wrapped her legs around him. "I'm not sure that's a smart move, sweetheart."

"Shush, I have degrees, you know. You really want to pick a fight with me?" The look on her face spelled exactly the danger he'd be in if he answered incorrectly.

"No ma'am," he shook his head.

"I thought so," she leaned down close to his face. "So, one hour right?"

"Yeah, Natasha sent me a message earlier. She sends her apologies for, uh, 'cutting us short'."

"Well, one hour means we can still do things," she nuzzled her nose with his. "If you want..."

"What kind of things did you have in mind? Because like I said, one hour and..."

"And what?" Seren frowned when she pulled away.

"Well, it's just that if we start doing things and it involves more kisses, it'll be very hard to put an end to it. If I kiss you once, I know that I'll want more and more..." Steve pressed a couple kisses around her face, "...and more..."

Seren giggled. "Take the risk, won't you?"

"Come down here, then," he said, shrugging his arms to motion that he hands were currently occupied holding her body. He smirked quite proudly about the fact too.

Seren rolled her eyes and made a mental note to get him back for that one. There would be plenty of opportunities now! She let her fingers tap along his bare shoulders until he seemed impatient enough. They kissed until Seren's laugh would cut in when Steve made way for their bed.

"You're going to have to give me my shirt back," he warned and then suddenly he was the recipient of a proud smirk.

"Fight me for it," she challenged him.

His face fell flat...as did she when he let her fall on the bed. "I've got a better idea," he announced. She giggled as he climbed over her and peppered her face with kisses. Soon enough, his lips would land on hers. One hour wouldn't be enough for them but they would have plenty of time in the time to come.

A/N:

Full disclaimer that this poem is also not a poem but another Spanish song I love to bits and pieces. I got the translation online and tweaked some words to fit the story!

[samcedesvegas]

Movie Set || Samcedes || Mercedes Trailer

Mercedes Jones made her way onto the set, today was the first table read for her new Romance Comedy, which she was thrilled about. She had cameos and guest star spots. Even as a supporting actress in a blockbuster hit but to be the Leading Lady in her own movie, that was huge. Acting wasn't her first love but it was a fun distraction. She was fresh off her Every Woman Tour and ready to work.

Walking into the big conference room, she and her Manager/Best Friend Tina were the first ones there. Taking off her sunglasses and smoothing down her purple and pink tie dye Jersey Dress she sighed. "Still can't believe we are here. We are doing this." Tina smiled. "Well you are ready, you know your lines, and your co star is pretty hot right now." 

Mercedes took her seat and grabbed her script looking back over it. "Yeah well hot and a playboy doesn't really make you a great actor now does it? But I won't judge..." She lied she totally would judge him, she knew his reputation. All men were dogs, period. And that included her dog of an ex who dumped her and got right with a groupie. Jackass.

Reluctantly, Sam Evans spent the latter part of his evening indulging in countless free shots of tequila. He felt like crap but luckily his bloodshot eyes were hidden behind dark Ray Bans. He pulled the hot coffee cup away from his lips, regretting how much he seemed to indulge in the perks of his newfound fame last night.

From the rural plains of Tennessee to sunny Los Angeles, Sam could finally say he made it. Where he was from, not many people did. It was either a nine to five at the piggly wiggly, prison, or a grave. There was no in between in that small town. Sam had played his fair share of smaller roles but this was the one. His entire team was sure of it. So, he was going to make sure no one knew how hungover he was. Especially not his beautiful songstress of a co-star. The last thing he wanted was to make a bad first impression on her.

Mercedes felt her phone vibrate, another photo of her ex Gabriel Norris with another female. The Quarterback was certainly enjoying being single. She rolled her eyes as she glanced up watching people filed inside, they were supposed to be "mingling" to get to know each other. Personally Mercedes wasn't really looking forward to it. She put the script down as Tina told her to be nice and moved over to her costars. Their conversations though, were not what she wanted to be a part of. 

Her "best friend" in the movie was played by Jane Hayward, a lesser known actress but from what she heard, the girl was good. Not wanting to interrupt their riveting conversation about the best bars, she turned to see her love interest Sam Evans standing alone. Walking over to him she extended her hand. "I guess we are working together." she said a little more flat than she intended.

The room full of people gave Sam a small inkling of anxiety. This wasn’t his first rodeo, he’d done a host of tv sitcoms and supporting acting roles before but this was his first leading role. That made him nervous as hell. But he was an actor so it was easy for him to paint on the brave face. After all that was his area of expertise. This was the moment he worked his entire career for and he wasn’t going to ruin it by being a complete spaz. 

“Guess we are.” He smiled extending his own hand to meet hers. Again, he was trying not to be a spaz but he couldn’t contain his excitement. He’d been around his fair share of celebrities but none as famous as Mercedes Jones. A force to be reckoned with in the music industry. Sam would shamelessly admit to having heard every one of her albums, even the ones from her girl group days. Didn’t hurt that she was also easy on the eyes. In his words...smoking hot. “Pleasure is all mine m’lady.”

Mercedes had to admit, the casting director did a great job at casting Sam. He had the look that was for sure. Tall, handsome, sexy, if she was into that kinda thing and at the moment she was not. He would get the girls and let's not be biased guys in just off his looks alone and she would have her own fanbase so as long as they did their part and gave a great performance the movie should do well. If Twilight could do it then so could they.

However the moment he spoke she understood why people called him a playboy. Those green eyes hidden behind a pair of sunglasses inside gave off a sense of coolness why his accent and tone would drive a woman crazy, yes he was a playboy and she would not be played by him. She pulled her hand away and nodded. "We should probably make a schedule to see if we can run lines together. Make this process as painless as possible."

A lady who was about her business, Sam could definitely appreciate that. The women that seemed to keep him company as of late were all either brainless supermodels or dense socialites that wanted nothing more than the perfect photo op.  Be seen on his arm and boost their own careers. Not saying he got nothing out of it, he was a man with needs of course. But this was certainly a breath of fresh air. A woman of substance. But he was going to hold off on the questions about her girl group breakup. Those questions had been lingering around in his head for years.

“Oh sure, but I’m totally not good with numbers, dates, and all that junk so I’ll follow your lead.” As they took their seats, Sam couldn’t help but admire her natural curves. In fact he was pretty obvious with his glaring. “So what made you wanna’ jump into my world? I mean it’s not like you need the gig. You’re already one hell of a star.” He complimented hoping it’d gain him some brownie points. Plus a little harmless flirting never hurt anyone...right?

Mercedes took her seat glancing at her script, they would be starting in about ten minutes and she was ready to get it over with. As Sam started to speak again she was at first appreciative that he wouldn't be that hard to work with, but then his next words caused her to roll her eyes. "His world"? was he serious? There went another person who felt because she had been singing for the last 15 years that she couldn't possibly act as well. What did people think Music videos were?

"Well gosh I guess I figured if brainless oafs could do it why should I give it a try?" She said annoyed. "Just because I am a singer, doesn't mean I don't have talent, because I do. I am a damn great actress and I earned this part. So don't go thinking I got it because I know the director or some bull like that!" she hissed.

“Whoa, whoa...I wasn’t saying that. I know you’re talented as hell. I’ve been following your career since I was a kid. Ever since Cinderella, I’ve been a fan. Sorry I wasn’t trying to offend you. Just curious is all.” Crap he was ruining his chances before they even started. Was it wrong that her sassiness kinda sorta turned him on? She was hot, she was feisty, and the woman knew how to speak up for herself. How could Sam not like that.

Taking a deep breath he began looking over his lines as well, dialing it back a bit. So clearly she wasn’t fond of his charm which wasn’t to be expected, but a decent man always knew how to bounce back. “What I meant was, what made you wanna’ do a movie? I mean your career in music is far better than anyone here. Didn’t think you needed anything like this.”

A fan. Great, not only was she stuck with the playboy of L.A. he was a fan. This was the man who was rumored to sleep with every female he worked with. They did a spread and then he made them spread, their legs. And Mercedes was not about to be a notch on his belt. She may have been dating a Quarterback but she was not easy, she prided herself on her reputation. Sam was bad business for her good girl image.

She cleared her throat turning towards him. "Lets just clear this up right now. I am not going to sleep with you. I took this job because I am a sucker for romance. This story where boy and girl fall in love but realize it too late, it's a beautiful love story about second chances. Yes you are hot which makes my job easier and your accent...well whatever but make no mistake the closest you are gonna come to getting between my legs, is the fake sex scenes we have on screen."

Sam was undoubtedly captivated by the songstress. The way she protested, yet still managed to acknowledge how hot he was extremely gratifying. As humble as he was with his career, his ego when it came to women was a whole lot bigger. Now he wasn’t the “womanizer” the media painted him out to be. Sam Evans was actually the biggest sweetheart. He didn’t get a kick out of smashing and dashing. He was a stand up guy. The man just enjoyed the company of women, was that such a bad thing?

“Look Mercedes, I in no way plan on getting between those beautiful legs of yours...unless you want me to. I know the tabloids can kinda make me seem like a player but that just ain’t true. I just crush a lot.” He chuckled hoping his little joke would lighten the mood. Of course he was attracted to Mercedes, how could he not be? She was fine, confident, and had a whole lot of attitude. “Seriously though, I want you to feel completely comfortable with me. So although it’ll be hard not to, I’ll dial back the flirting and keep this thing strictly business.”

Everything that came out of Sam's mouth was trouble. He was definitely a smooth talking player, but right now she was immune to him. No matter how hot he was and no matter what his accent was doing to her. She rolled her eyes at his comment. "Cute." she said going back to her script, this was going to be a long night.

The table read was not bad once they got started, they read through it fairly quickly, and even though Sam seemed like a player, he was a good actor, she could give him that. The last few days were met with getting acquainted, with getting their trailers and revisions, with trying her best to not let Sam know he was getting to her. She asked him to meet her in her trailer so they could go over the revision of the first scene they were shooting. It was a love scene that she was both regretting but looking forward to.  Wearing a white and pink sundress she threw her hair up into a messy buy and put her glasses on going over the script and making sure she knew her new lines.

Sam had the paper with his lines clutched in hand as he walked across the studio lot to meet Mercedes in her trailer. He already had most of his lines memorized but he still jumped at the chance to have someone on one time with Mercedes. Even if they were just handling business. He actually enjoyed being around her. She was funny, quick witted, and kept him on his toes. Not to mention her smile. It did something to him. That smile could light up an entire room.

Sam did a quick breath check in his hand and ate a couple breath mints to be safe. He took a deep breath before knocking on the trailer door and awaiting Mercedes' answer. In the meantime he began doing his daily mouth exercises to loosen up his lips. Just in case she wanted to have a few practice runs at the steamy kiss on page three.

Mercedes closed her eyes going over the lines and then opening to see if she got them right. She was on a roll when she heard someone knock. Knowing it was Sam, she cleared her throat moving to the couch and smoothing her dress. "Girl stop! He's just a coworker, get over it." She shook it off reaching down and grabbing a piece of gum. "Come in." She said pushing her glasses up and going back to the script. She did not like Sam Evans; he was a playboy who she was not gonna fall for. Plus she was on a men detox.

Sam let himself in once he heard her voice from the other side of the door. Keep it cool he thought to himself as he closed the door behind him. Mercedes made it very clear that nothing would happen between them beyond what was written in the script but for some reason Sam felt differently.  To him there was already an undeniable chemistry between them. He just had to get her to see it. In due time. “So where do you want me?”

Looking towards Sam she smiled softly. "You can sit next to me, we are filming page three tonight so we might as well make sure we know what we are doing. So let's get right to it." She opened her script to the page, just in case. "So remember these two are talking about love and life, looking out at the stars, they both broke up with their partners and are consoling each other."

She closed her eyes getting into the headspace. Opening her eyes she got into character. "You ever wonder if anyone in this world can truly be happy? I thought so...once, but now i am divorced and raising my son on my own, and I don't think it's possible."

Sam took his seat next to Mercedes and settled in comfortably. He placed the sheet with his lines on the table in front of them and turned to her. As she began her lines Sam kept his own rolling around in his head. Because of his dyslexia, reading off paper was never his thing.  Luckily for him, he had the memory of an elephant so his strategy was to memorize and it usually worked for him. When he wasn’t staring at his co-worker.

“Crap wait, I screwed up. Start over.” He nervously shuffled as Mercedes repeated her line. Then a complete one-eighty. Sam transformed into Ryder Stone in that very moment. “I know they can. I felt it for years...my Isabel made me believe in love. After I lost her I still felt grateful that I got to experience true happiness in the first place. I keep that with me always.”

To say Mercedes was underwhelmed was an understatement,  though once he started again, she could see him getting into character so she continued her lines as Brooklyn Myers. "Yeah but what you and she had, it was raw and passionate. Nate and I never had that and I suppose that's why it didn't work out. Hey, maybe if I followed you to school and not went on my own path we would have gotten together." She said as she laughed softly, looking past Sam as if really seeing their past and future. "I don't regret my son I never could, but I regret his dad. He never truly loved me, and now I wonder if anyone besides my family ever could." She glanced at Sam longingly before looking down to her hands, as per the script.

She was really good, not that it was surprising to him or anything. From the few short days that he’d known her she was always on top of her game. This was clearly no different. Sam reached out and titled Mercedes’ chin up with his index finger, following the script. “Maybe stop looking so far and stop thinking so hard. Nate was a prick and he didn’t deserve a good girl like you.” Their eyes were now locked on each other’s as Sam stroked his thumb against the smooth skin of her chin...not in the script. A strange flutter happened in his stomach. They were acting but for some reason he was really into it. Really really into it.

Mercedes' eyes met his, his word delivery was impressive and he was improvising which was working, maybe a little more than it should since she was melting against his touch. Eyes never leaving his she continued. "I am a thinker, you dream and I am practical. It's why we are best friends why we work. Why I love you." She said softly. "If the one man I thought loved me didn't deserve me, then who does?"

His eyes never left hers, it was like they were staring into one another’s souls. At first he wasn’t completely sure about the role but he definitely felt connected to the character now. “Maybe a man who’s been right in front of you all along. One who’s always been in your corner right or wrong.“ He paused before delivering his next line. “Brooklyn what if it’s us that’s meant to be? Has that ever crossed your mind?” He cupped her cheek lovingly, his face serious but soft at the same time.

She started at him for a moment letting it seem she was taking his words seriously. "Us?" She looked away from him, pulling away and standing. Thank goodness her trailer was basically a  mini house so they could move freely. "I'm not-" she wrapped her arms around herself as the script said, since it was a cold night. "You don't have to pity me Ryder.  I know Isabel was the love of your life and we all know you only get one."

He quickly got up meeting her in the center of the trailer floor. His arm resting on the small of her back. “Pitty? Never. Don’t you get what I’m trying to say? Brooklyn I love you...as more than just my best friend” He slowly turned her around to face him again. He stopped momentarily really getting into character. He had to because the next line called for his lips to meet hers. “Yes, I loved Isabel and I always will. But she’d want me to be happy. You’re that for me...” without hesitation he went in for the kiss.

Mercedes knew his hand on her back was coming, but what she wasn't prepared for was the way it made her feel. She closed her eyes gathering her bearings as he spoke. He turned her towards him and she stared up at him. She knew the kiss was coming, but she figured they would stop beforehand. She wasn't prepared for him kissing her. Even more so she wasn't prepared for the way it made her feel. She had to pull away before a moan hit her lips. "Umm okay, that was great but the kiss. It really needs work." She liked moving away from him.

Sam was taken aback because he was so sure that his kissing skills were definitely on point. He damn sure wasn’t expecting that reclamation but he was a man of pride. He wasn’t going to let her see him sweat. Removing his hand from her back, he shoved them into his pockets. “Please you know it was good.” He started with a smug smile on his lips. “You were really good though. Somebody’s been practicing their lines. A proud co-star.” He winked before plopping down on her couch. “So you wanna run it again? Or you think you’re good?”

There it was, that smugness that annoyed her. Nate had it and now she saw Sam did and she couldn't stand it. Turning towards him she folded her arms across her chest. She was gonna let him off the hook because yes she did enjoy the kiss but he was asking for it so she broke it down. It was good, not mind blowing. "Good? Your technique was sloppy, delivery was weak and F.Y.I. you don't have to use that much tongue right away. You wanna make her beg for more." She moved to her fridge and grabbed a water bottle. "And of course I am really good. Mercedes Jones doesn't do mediocre."

She was faking hard and Sam knew it. However, he was going to let her have her moment. Clearly she needed it. He had the best lips in town, who wouldn’t wanna’ kiss em? “Damn...that’s pretty harsh. But I’m a strong man, I can take a little constructive criticism.” He nodded with confidence. “So Uhh...what are you doing after this. A couple of us are going out for food and drinks. Y’know mingling and all that junk. You wanna tag along?”

She knew he didn't believe her and for good reason but for some reason she just couldn't get behind him being that cocky. It oozed off him like a stench and she wasn't here for it. "Can you? Cause it seems to me you are a man with a huge ego who can't possibly imagine a woman not wanting him. News Flash, you are not God's gift to women." She shook her head. "No I am good. I wanna run my lines a few more times." 

She turned from him but stopped; she wanted to further prove her point and maybe kiss him just once more. "And by the way, this is how you give a mind blowing kiss." She said moving towards him and pulling him towards her. Her lips met his in a soft kiss at first and then deepened it pushing him against the wall as her arms wrapped around his neck. Her tongue swiped across his bottom lip before she took his lower lip and nipped it gently before pulling away and stepping back. "That is how you give a memorable kiss."

Indeed the kiss was very memorable, no denying that.  Sam swore he’d lay off the flirting but he couldn’t help himself. That’s just the way he was around pretty ladies. But by the way she was shutting him down maybe she just really wasn’t interested. 

He was fine with that. He wasn’t a pusher and he damn sure didn’t want to pressure her, that wasn’t his style. If anything were to happen between them he wanted it to be mutual. “I can stay here too and run lines, drinks will always be there. Plus I sorta wanna get this scene right. Since my kissing is so weak and mediocre.” He chuckled.

Mercedes watched him for a moment. Then moved back. "Fine if you really wanna get this right then let's go. But look it wasn’t bad it's just. You rushed in there like a preteen having his first kiss, not like a man in love who knows this kiss, this kiss is gonna determine if she loves him back. Ryder is putting everything on the line with this kiss. She stands in front of him. "Like this." She clears her throat.  “Yes, I loved Isabel and I always will. But she’d want me to be happy. You’re that for me...” her hand went to his face, softly holding it there as she leaned in. "I love you." She improvised as she kissed him softly, gradually growing deeper. Then pulled away. "Now you try."

His blood was rushing to places and quick.  Sam was lost in the kiss, so much so that he hadn't even noticed that she pulled away. He slowly opened his eyes and let out a breathless "Damn". That was the only way to properly describe the kiss from Mercedes. Though he was pretty sure nothing was wrong with his kiss before. He had to admit though, she was a damn good kisser. He cleared his throat and shook his shoulders as he repeated his lines once more and mimicked Mercedes' actions, except this time he fully committed. He dipped her back, planting a feverish kiss to her lips. "Hmm how about that?" he asked, lifting her back up.

Mercedes smirked hearing his response. Yeah she was good, and that kiss was fire. She stood back waiting for him and yeah the kiss was great but he still wasn't getting it. "Sam, now you are just over doing it, you need to connect with Ryder. With why he loves her. He's her best friend, she was always there for him and he knows he can depend on her, forever. Every touch and action proves that. It's a touch during a kiss." She said touching his face. "Now try it again but be in love."

Huffing under his breath  he closed his eyes. He liked the way Mercedes seemed to push him. Was it because she saw his potential? Or maybe she was just as happy to keep kissing him as he was with her. Either way Sam had no complaints. “Yes, I loved Isabel and I always will. But she’d want me to be happy. You’re that for me...” He placed a hand softly on her cheek, caressing her soft skin. His eyes stayed locked on hers as he stared intensely. Her lips were in view and he just went for it. Pulling her face inches from his, he closed his eyes letting his lips work their magic.

Mercedes waited for Sam to start again, and was pleasantly surprised at the way he looked, the way he spoke. His hand on her cheek sent shivers up and down her spine, and his kiss proved that with a little work, Sam could make the most of his talents. His kiss, this kiss was amazing. It took everything in her not to go weak in the knees but she couldn't help herself wanting more. Her arms wrapped around his neck, pulling him closer.

Sam wasn’t expecting for Mercedes to match his energy but she did. It took everything in him to break away, not even realizing his hands had fallen to her hips. “When we shoot that scene on Monday, the entire cast in crew are gonna’ be in awe. Totally gonna crush it.” He winked. “Now if you’ll excuse me I think you took off all my chapstick with that last one.” He joked as he pulled his hands off of her with a smile.

Mercedes let her hands fall, shocked at her actions, not missing a stride she shook her head with a smile. "Yeah, considering that I acted my ass off and you improved, I think they are gonna be shocked at your improvement." She teased. She walked over to her water and took a sip. "Do you want some water?"

Sam nodded as Mercedes supplies him with some water. Much needed for the amount of times they ran that kissing even. If she hadn’t made it clear that she had no intentions on falling for his charm, he would be pretty sure that she liked him. Maybe not on a deep level but the chemistry was undeniable. “You sure that was all acting?” He teased as he fanned himself. “Because woo! I’m impressed if so.”

Mercedes rolled her eyes going back to her water and sitting on the sofa. "Trust me you will know if I liked you. A real kiss from me, a real true Mercedes Jones kiss, it'll leave you speechless, it will make you lose all train of thought other than wanting to kiss me again." She said staring at him.

[lanajvmeson]

emerges frm a field of corn slinking in w a faux mink shrug dangling around my elbows n a strand of wheat between my teeth..... farmer eleganza.... hlo! my name’s nai. i am bt a humble ghoul arrived to haunt ur home. 23 n she/her pronouns n i live in manchester. fun fact my friend’s neighbour used to b harry styles PE teacher. i played delilah yrs ago as carlson young (n even cara delevingne at one point what the fk) which feels so weird n ancient to me nw bt i missed her a lot so decided to spruce her bk to life.... ANYWAY delilah’s pinterest is here n i’ll jst leap right into things without further ado

(NICOLA PELTZ, CIS-FEMALE) - Have you seen DELILAH ASTOR? LILAH is in HER JUNIOR year. The POLITICAL SCIENCE MAJOR is 21 years old & is a CAPRICORN. People say SHE is BEGUILING, BLUNT, CUNNING and APATHETIC. Rumors say they’re a member of CALLOWAY. I heard from the gossip blog that SHE WAS IN A REHABILITATION CENTRE IN SWITZERLAND INSTEAD OF DOING CHARITY WORK LIKE HER SOCIAL MEDIA CLAIMED.  (NAI. 23. GMT. SHE/HER.) 

HISTORY

their family is kind of modelled off the sedgwick family like old money n pretty dysfunctional bt all abt keeping up a seamless facade of perfection... with a pinch of the kennedy’s in there. her dad’s high up in politics n his dad before tht ws in politics n it’s just a long prestigious line of clones in expensive suits as far as delilah’s concerned. her dad i picture as like.... nate archibald’s grandfather in gossip girl.... personality wise.

for as long as she cn remember she’s found this cookie cutter white picket fence life boring. stifling. to delilah it’s like being hemmed in a stuffy room n forbidden frm opening a window. it’s all vry Rich People Problems i wnt lie bt <3 she feels everlastingly bored. All The Time. plus her family hs always been a focal point fr tabloids etc which doesn’t help this feeling of not rly Living but just being the focus of a spectator sport. they’re lowkey a bit of a household name so they get a bunch of scrutiny n......... well. new bullet point alert! cue a powerpoint transition

(self harm & depression tw) frm being young delilah always knew there ws sort of. a white noise inside her where everyone else saw a technicolour movie screen. it rly hit her at like 12 i’d say as she was jst coasting towards adolescence. it ws pretty obvious frm her behaviour i’d say bt her parents only became Aware it ws a problem when she stuck a fork into a socket n short circuited the power in the house. she got shocked unconscious n when she woke up she told the in house dr they’d called (to keep it under wraps frm outsiders) tht she just.... couldn’t feel anything. she’d been reading frankenstein (she’s always liked gothic literature) n thought it’d zap her to life like the monster

her parents got her on medication n figured that wld fix everything. they didn’t like to talk abt things and that was that. it wasn’t to be mentioned again

delilah’s parents r just very.... sterile. family is abt appearances. they’ll be all smiles n flowing conversation when ppl are around bt it feels like being an actress n reading frm a script. being a toy in a dollhouse

she had two siblings: an older sister named clara & a younger brother named elijah. clara ws always like.... the Dream daughter. did everything right. amazing grades. america’s sweetheart. LOVED by the press. did sm charity work. elijah was fine/kind of a slacker compared bt coasted by on athletic prowess (captain of the rowing team). delilah hs very much always been the anomaly in this idyllic line-up. middle child effect! altho having said tht she’s always ran w the popular crowd of her age group bc Rich + Pretty = Status. it’s all quite superficial n delilah’s attitude on the matter can b summed up w this photoset. having said tht there was Some merit in constantly being paraded around as “such a pretty thing” bc a few modelling agencies attempted to scout her bt delilah found that boring. she wants to b called brilliant not beautiful. her mother called this her “not playing to the advantages that god gave her”. with a tight-lipped smile and a “god forbid i use my brain”, delilah only disappointed her further <3

(drugs & ed tw) delilah gt pretty heavy into partying fr the sake of trying to Feel something. intense on the drugs front (coke n prescription pills). rarely eating. she got a silver broach of a swan tht she pins to most of her clothes n u can unscrew the swan’s neck n pull it out to reveal a little powder spoon. still wears this today. clara n delilah were always super close n clara wld cover fr her a bunch. making up lies n jst having her back to their parents if they ever asked where she was / she ws in trouble n needed to keep it under wraps. when delilah hd an article in a tabloid pretty mch like this one clara talked their parents dwn frm sending her to a rehabilitation centre in switzerland. they gt it pretty much scorched frm existence bt delilah kept a clipping bc honestly she thought it was funny hw pale her mother went abt it

(car accident & drunk driving & death tw) at a fancy benefit the astors were all attending among 4857925974 uppity families delilah wound up heading off w some of the rich kids n one thing lead to another n a couple of them gt arrested fr a coke scandal. delilah used her phone call to contact clara n fr once clara hd let loose a little n hd something to drink bt still drove to the station to bail delilah out n try n fix her mess bt.... skipped a red light n crashed. she died upon impact.

(hospitalisation & drugs & addiction tw) this made delilah spiral massively obviously.... she clung on by the skin of her teeth fr a while bt she rly was just getting quite out of control doing an extremely excessive amt of coke to get by at this point so her parents actually did.... end up shipping her off to switzerland for rehabilitation. they didn’t tell anyone this tho n as far as ppl were/are aware she was doing charity work with habitat for humanity in trinidad. her parents literally........... hired ppl to take photos of things there n a social media team posted them to her instagram account jst. the most elaborate lie.... it’s a lot.

delilah jst pretty much went along w whatever they said at the facility bt didn’t absorb any of it too much.... she did get sober there bt it was vry much bc she had no other choice rather than a want to......... she even pretended to “find god” while she ws there n memorised bible lines to recite w a coolly detached smile. in her head she ws probably thinking abt hw her mandated therapist cld gladly eat shit and she’d be happy to watch. it was just like.... everyone there was RLY hideously overpaid bt did they actually Care abt their work or patients? debatable. wasn’t the most healing experience thru delilah’s eyes bt... maybe it’d work better if she’d actually opened her mind to it bt anyway...... <3 cornelius fudge voice: she’s back. the dark lord.....

PERSONALITY:

nw tht her history is out of the way i’ll leap like a flea off a shaggy dog’s back into personality! aesthetically she almost ALWAYS wears white/cream. reminds me of the woman in white frm sharp objects. rarely she’ll dabble in silver or gold or like..... vry pale green bt.... always muted tones. usually white or cream. big white sunhats. white sunglasses. white pussybow blouses w a little white skirt n a pearl barrette in her hair. she even smokes white sobranie cigs tht r imports like it’s a lot she’s truly committed to the aesthetic.... paired w like. classic patent mary janes.... she tends to flutter around the place like a silk moth. likes lace too. hs a very put together image n even demeanour like she’s very lithe n graceful n drifts like a ghost which kind of contrasts w... who she is at her core bt in the astor family it’s all abt appearances <3 the only deviation from this is she sometimes wears dark blue mascara once in a blue moon n if ppl comment on this she’s like. idk what ur talking abt? glides away like a ghost in a haunted mansion n is never seen again.

very perceptive. incredibly observant. yrs of early life media training n being born frm politicians means she’s an excellent liar. she knows ppl n knows what makes them tick bt she’ll only use this when necessary. she isn’t a terrible person bt she knows how to b Very mean n will equip this as a weapon shd a situation call fr it. also more prone to lashing out since her sister......... she hs sometimes played chess games socially fr kicks

dark n biting sense of humour. rather frank abt things. VERY ruthless when scorned bt she isn’t particularly?? emotive abt it??? her bf cheated on her once n when he told her she slapped him rly hard in front of sm ppl he knew n then jst walked away. blocked him on literally everything. removed him frm the face of the earth as far as she ws concerned. had him blacklisted frm every event n told ppl they’d be cut too if they continued to associate w him. goodbye sir <3 u are the weakest link <3 needless to say he regretted it <3

very loyal to u until she isn’t. finds it very easy to cut ties if need be. once her trust is broken it is gooooone baby goone.... the trust is Gone. selective in who she cares abt

vry cavalier abt sex. she doesn’t sleep around hugely i dnt think??? bt when she does it isn’t often tht emotionally invested she’ll jst out of the blue very nonchalantly blow out a wisp of smoke n b like. so u want to fuck me then? cool. proceeds to get up as if she’s walking to leave n then looks bk n is like what do ur legs not work? follow me. n leads them somewhere

nothing rly.... moves her particularly. she isn’t very animated. it’s like she jst finds the entire world thoroughly unimpressive. it’s difficult to stimulate excitement from her. it’s like that hugh laurie quote where he realised he had depression bc “boredom is not an appropriate response to exploding cars”.

has a pet swan bk at home she’s named lilith inspired by satan’s offspring. lilith bites ppl if they get close n is honestly an abomination of a bird. delilah finds her funny n throws her bits of croissants sometimes bt even she isn’t immune to her pecks. in some ways they’re similar...... hv a graceful surface appearance / aesthetic bt a darker attitude beneath the surface

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

exes: the ex bf tht cheated on her n she got blacklisted from 94872347 social events cld be a fun thing to explore..... delilah wld be EXTREMELY cold towards him n honestly want him dead. wouldn’t show any shred of caring abt him at all she’s very gd at stoning her emotions n keeping them inside. hasn’t cried since her sister died as an example of how..... withdrawn she is from confessing her innermost thoughts n desires. maybe an ex bf before tht that she rly didn’t take seriously at all..... typically she just isn’t interested/invested in romance she’s vry apathetic abt it all

party friends: those tht run in similar rich kid circles tht she would have smuggled off with at fancy events so they could let loose.......... ppl tht r completely her opposite who she finds interesting bc they represent everything she always wanted outside the oppression of her strict regiment family....... mutual bad influences tht are heavy into drugs n always enable each other...... u name it!

hook-ups: she doesn’t have a HUGE amt of these bt.... maybe a select handful.... some she wld have hooked up w once n never again n just been like >_> if they implied they shd as if it was preposterous n she was thoroughly over it.... some maybe she’d find interesting enough to extend beyond tht...... none she’d invest in if she cld help it altho? maybe someone as an exception to tht rule cld be fun

friends of her sister: (death tw) clara was universally well liked for being rly sweet n well intentioned n she attended yates only two yrs delilah’s senior so she might have some connections here still somehow??? cld be angsty to work with

i won’t lie i’m rly hungry as i write up these wcs so my brain’s going blank n i’m gna have to sprint to get some toast bt <3 roommates, enemies, competitive friendships, resentments, angst, chaos, drama, strife, u name it n i am dwn!!!! hits post n takes off galloping dwnstairs

[ramblinganthropologist]

N7 Challenge - 5 (Cruelty)

Summary: It was cruel fate that stuck Garrus in that cafe, waiting for his fake date so they could get that mission going. He would’ve been so much better as the tech oversight guy... damn the fact Shepard’s too gay to pretend to be into a woman realistically.

(Aka, Chris plays fast and loose with the rules.)

ME1

---

It was a lovely day on the Citadel... and Garrus was in hell.

'Relax, you're as stiff as a board. Nobody's going to believe you're on a date like that.'

His mandibles twitched as he listened to Tali through his hidden transmitter. Normally, this was where his visor would come in handy... except he wasn't allowed to wear it. No, apparently that was against the first date dress code and he'd been made to leave it on the Normandy along with his armor and weapons.

Well, he had a pistol stowed away... but that wasn't the same as his rifle, damn it.

“I still don't get why I'm the one who had to do it.”

'We needed a tech expert, and Shepard says... Shepard, what did he say again?'

'He's too fucking gay to fake being into a woman, so Tali was out. You were the only one left, Mandibles.'

The other Shepard's deep voice disrupted the quarian's electronic tones. Garrus hadn't been expecting it – the sudden change made him wince a little. Luckily, nobody at the cafe noticed. They were too busy eye-fucking their dates.

He knew this place, had walked past it when he had still been in C-Sec. It was a popular spot for couples to have their first date thanks to the fact it was public, fairly reasonable, and offered booze if things started to go south. Had he not been on a mission, the turian definitely would've been ordering a drink or two to survive this.

After all... he had to fake being on a date with Commander Shepard.

There was a point to all this, of course. According to Alliance intel, there was something strange about this cafe and the fact a lot of well-armed people tended to stop by after hours. He hadn't heard whispers of it being a front for something, but it had been sometime since he had walked a beat. For all he knew, someone could have moved in while he was gone.

That... or he just hadn't really cared. Scoping out hot date spots had never been high on his priority list.

“Where is my date anyway? He didn't run away at the thought of being in public, did he?”

Garrus hadn't meant to use that much scorn, but it leaked out anyway. It wasn't as if he disliked the man, per se … just found him incredibly odd and more than a little off-putting. He had a way of catching you off guard and hammering home that made the turian uneasy, not to mention his strange hamster tending habits. Add in the fact they had met by colliding into each other and... well, maybe he was a little salty.

So, he didn't dislike the Commander... but maybe they weren't quite to like just yet.

'You're not that ugly, Mandibles.' The Normandy's XO sounded bored on the other end. 'I think he's scoping the area out. Make sure to appreciate the view when you see him, I worked my ass off getting him ready.'

'She really did a good job, I'll be amazed if you recognize him at all.'

Well, that was perfect. Guess they were going for the blind date angle and taking it to the extreme.

“Thanks.” Now he really meant the sarcasm as he sipped at his water. If he was on a date, he should probably wait before he ordered anything. That was polite, right? “I swear, you two are enjoying watching me suffer.”

He could expect that from the human, but Tali's cruelty really caught him off guard. Who would have known the quarian had it in her?

The line went quiet not long after that – no doubt they'd gotten their fill of his misery. Garrus was left to glance around in the hopes he might spot Shepard. He had already checked all the obvious spots, but nobody quite fit the profile of short and kind of awkward looking.

Ok.. maybe that was mean. But the guy was awkward. Even he said so.

“Where are you...” Garrus' mandibles twitched as he kept looking. Really, it was couples as far as the eye could see. Apart from a couple school-age looking girls gossiping, everyone else looked to be on a date. There was nobody who stood out as being on their own, especially not someone who looked to be casing the joint. “Shit, he better not be the girls.”

Before he could worry if he was going to have to ask one of the teenagers if they were actually a fully grown man in disguise, a shadow fell across the table. He looked up, expecting to have to apologize to the waitress for taking so long to order. The excuse was already on his tongue – his date wasn't there yet. But then it died on his tongue.

There was a man standing there, human and wearing the tightest jeans Garrus had ever seen. He gave a little wave as he smiled, eyes sparkling. Well, eye – the other one was covered by his blue-streaked blonde hair.

“Hey there, been waiting long?”

Garrus' brain had short-circuited long ago. It didn't help that his tongue had somehow glued itself to the roof of his mouth of the sight of the man and his incredibly tight pants. Really... he must have had to paint those damn things on. Weren't humans concerned with ball space or something? Their genitals were on the outside...

…

Also wasn't he supposed to be straight? Why was he checking some dude's ass out?

Right, words. “Uh... what?”

The man chuckled as he sat down. “Sorry I was late, I know we said we'd meet at 2 but I got held up at work. You didn't wait long, did you?”

By now, the turian's brain was thoroughly fried. Somehow, someone had mistaken him for their date. Scenarios to get him out ran by quickly – the most obvious being to tell him that he wasn't there on a date at all. But that would probably break his cover...

And more importantly, Shepard and Tali would enjoy it way too much. They were evil.

“I...”

“Anyway, thanks for waiting for me. I hear this place has great tea. Not sure what you can get, though. Are you allergic to levo?” The man's voice lowered as he leaned forward to whisper to Garrus. “Perimeter's clear, though the back door has some pretty serious locks for a simple business. I think we're onto something.”

…

His brain turned back on. “Wait... Shepard?”

The man's cheeks turned pink as he sat back down, playing with the ends of what Garrus realized now was most definitely a wig. “I told her it was too much, but she said otherwise I would've been too easy to spot.”

In theory, that made sense – Shepard was the first human Spectre. Pretty much everyone had seen the video of him accepting the position at least once. To say a small human with a bight red military haircut and a missing eye would've stuck out in a popular cafe was putting it mildly. Honestly if any of this was actually true, it might have gotten guns pulled on them had they tried it.

Which, probably would've made things easier but they were trying to be subtle.

“Well... she's right. Those two are probably enjoying this.” He moved in closer as well, if only to prolong the image. That close, he could definitely smell Shepard had been sprayed with something that wasn't sweat. It wasn't bad just... odd. “So... see anything else?”

Shepard pulled the menu so he could flip his wrist over to expose his omni-tool. Specs popped up, showing the blueprint of the building. Garrus' facial plates twitched as he gave it a brief once over, stopping at the basement level.

It was pretty damn big... maybe too big for a restaurant.

“I think it's shared with a building halfway down the block that has connections to the Blue Suns.” Another spec, for a place Garrus definitely remembered as being a suspected front for something. They had still been working on it when he left C-SEC. Maybe they'd wind up wrapping two cases. “It'd probably be easier to get into this one once it closes up...”

That would be in a couple hours... so they were probably doing dinner then.

“Hi there, are you two ready to order?”

Both men sprung back up as they realized they had company. A cheery looking waitress had appeared, smiling at them like she knew what was going on. At the same time, the pocket of her uniform was sitting a little weird. Maybe it was a datapad... but maybe she was packing heat. The Blue Suns were getting creative with their recruiting.

“Uh, yeah. I'd like a strawberry soda for now.” Shepard had dropped his voice way below where Garrus thought he could, and his accent was different. He grinned as he turned to the turian. “How about you, big guy? Pretty sure I picked somewhere you could eat.”

It was hard to keep his mandibles from twitching. This was going to be a long night. Luckily, there were no turians around to pick up his subvocals as he shot murder over at the human. Instead, he checked the menu fast – honestly, he had forgotten it was there.

“Coffee is fine by me.” And then he remembered he had to pretend to be into Shepard. The pants helped. “Wouldn't want to be bouncing off the walls and kill the chance of a second date.”

The waitress giggled – maybe that was a datapad. That, or she was one hell of an actress. “That's one strawberry soda and a coffee for the cute couple at table 5 then. Be right back!”

And then she was gone. Both breathed a sigh of relief as they relaxed – it was a little harder for Shepard for obvious reasons. But at least they had managed to pass the first round of this fake dating nightmare.

“You didn't seem like the coffee kind of guy, Garrus.” His fake date sounded a little too honest as he leaned back. The turian would have thought him using the position to look around under the wig, but he knew better – that eye was dead. “Let me guess, you take it black as night and bitter as hell?”

Garrus' mandibles twitched a little. “Not big on sugar. Clearly that's not the case with you. You planning to bounce around all date?”

“Some of us need the energy. Besides, if you think this is bad you should see me slam pixie sticks sometime.”

Just the thought of it made Garrus twitch. Biotics and their energy requirements...

“Right, well, we should start to figure out where we're going next.” His eyes wandered back to the storefront. “Maybe a walk around? There's a park nearby that's beautiful at night.”

Shepard smiled at him, and his stomach flopped. Maybe it was the fact he hadn't eaten anything. “Sounds good to me. Now, why don't you tell me a little about yourself so if you try to murder me and shove me in a trash can, I can text my sister beforehand so she knows who to tell C-SEC about when you go to the bathroom.”

Despite everything, Garrus found himself laughing. The human chuckled as well, maybe in spite of himself. Honestly, the whole thing was just utterly ridiculous and the plot of some cruel spirit that enjoyed jerking them around. Somewhere, they were enjoying this.

Fucking spirits...

“You two are doing great. Shepard's scan gave me a weak point you can access once the building is shut down.'

Tali was back in his earpiece. From the sound of things, she wasn't in engineering anymore. Wherever she was heading this mission's tech corner was somewhere much quieter, and with a little less foot traffic. Maybe they wanted to enjoy this in private.

'Tell Al to fix his shirt, unless he wants to show his new underwear off when you two go to take your walk.'

The other Shepard sounded almost amused by this. Garrus felt his mandibles twitch as he glanced over at the human sitting across from him. Shepard had taken to folding a napkin again and again, turning it into a rather lopsided bird. If it were real, it probably would've been spawned near a toxic waste dump and probably glowed under black light.

But at least he was doing something with his hands that wasn't too suspicious.

“Hey, I know this is awkward because I shouldn't be staring at your ass yet-” At least Shepard had the sense to chuckle at that. “But... might want to pull your shirt down.”

The blush that colored Shepard's cheeks was definitely real as he tugged his shirt down over those skin tight pants. Hooray for method acting, he assumed. If they kept this up, people might actually believe they were a couple.

Maybe. Spirits, this was hard.

“Thanks...”

“No problem.” The turian nodded as he spotted the waitress. “I spot my coffee and your sugar syrup. Refuel for round two?”

They would need it – he was starting to get the feeling things might get interesting after all. After all, it wasn't every day he faked being someone's date to get into an underground facility with a Spectre in skinny jeans.

Now that was something even the writers of Blasto couldn't come up with... too bad he was living it instead of watching it. At least he got coffee...

[chaniters]

HALLOWEEN -Part I

The next part of @kruk-art‘s Awan Cormac Series I’m writing. About to close this one! Never thought it’d get this long!!!!

________________________________

Awan and Elyise reach a truce, as the disastrous events leading up to what would be later be known as Phoenix Halloween Massacre begin to unfold. 

________________________________ Not a word comes out of your lips even as Ortega’s glare digs into your skull. Your skulls, Elyise is right beside you. 

Eventually, he looses at his own blinking contest, rolling his eyes. 

“You two… I don’t know what happened between you two at Reaper’s manor, but you’ve been at each others’ throats since. Could knock it off already? He’s gone, and there’s nothing we can do about it right now with this whole mess going on”

“Nothing happened,” you say, arms crossed, defiant look… yeah, he’s not going to believe that in a million years.

“Like he says” Elyise answers, equally annoyed.

“You’re my girlfriend, and you’re my best friend, and I’d really like it if you two could get along again? Just talk to each other?” The two of you do actually share a brief look before Elyise jerks her head around to look in the opposite direction. You turn your gaze towards Ortega with a half-assed ‘I tried’ expression. 

“No. I’m not having this,” he says, snapping now “Everything’s a mess, we’re on high alert and we’ve only returned to active duty last week. I need the team at the top of their game. It’s up to me if you can tag along, and If you don’t fix your issue and they end up calling for us, you two are not coming, understood?! So, fix this right now because I might need you for real” he says pointing at each of you before walking back to the briefing room quickly, to make sure none of you reply before he’s away so he can have the last word. 

You absently look at the TV screens in the lounge as he leaves.

 They are still showing reports of the riots in Phoenix.  It’s been going on all morning and now deep into the afternoon. The images are surreal, with protesters on gas masks and costumes indistinguishable from mere partygoers and the riot police and independent heroes fighting all.

Right now you can see a biker gang, tearing up shops apart, the background colored by the ashen cloud of malevolent smog that’s engulfed the whole city. If you know anything about these things, It will get a lot worse before it gets better. 

One hell of a Halloween. 

“What’s your game Awan?” she finally asks

“My game? Since when is this ‘my game’?” 

“Just … say what’s on your mind already! Or do you need Reaper to chain us up again so you can speak up?”

  “Fine. You are dating my friend and you helped kill his fucking mentor. You were a villain and now you’re pretending to be a hero.” It sounds so hollow when you say out loud. You’re pretending to be his best friend and you’re not even human. She wants to know your game, it seems it wasn’t a game, just unbridled hypocrisy.  “And I haven’t told him a word about it. That’s what on my mind. There, I said it, happy now?”

“Why? Why on earth didn’t you tell him? Are you expecting me to do it? Because I won’t!”

“I know you won’t I’m not stupid”

“Then what the hell is this Awan?”

What is it indeed? You’ve played the scenario in your mind. Telling him. He would not believe it at first. And once he did, he would want to know how you found out. And If you told him that, he would ask why did you suspect her all along, and not Reaper, when all your evidence pointed to him. 

And then he would know why you wanted it to be her. 

He would know that all those sweaty weekly training sessions weren’t just training for you. He would know why you resented her. He would know that you can’t stop thinking about him and that you’d have happily ruined her because of it.  

You still could. You are not the saint Anathema likes to pretend you are. You would just throw her under the bus if… 

… If it didn’t make you feel like garbage. 

What if the roles were reversed? What if she knew what you are?

You saw the video, you know if she had told Hollow Ground no, then she would have been the next one to get shot. You saw his hand on her shoulder, encouraging her to do it, even while she looked sickened… You’ve been there. Only it was Nathaniel’s hands then, reassuring you. Telling you it was ok to kill. Telling you they were criminals anyways…

“I’m not going to tell him,” you say finally making up your mind.

“Be serious… ”

“I’m not. Going. To tell him.” you repeat slowly. 

“That’s just rich. You expect me to believe that?”

“I mean it”

She gives you a long stare, and you can feel her mind trying to probe your emotions. You close your shields tighter, making her attempts break against them. 

She narrows her gaze.

“I’m not sure how you do it, but you’re psychically cheating me somehow.”

“I could cheat… If I set up my mind to it” you say with an unintended pun that she doesn’t find funny. “By the way, your scanning is really sloppy,” you say adding a barb.

“My scanning is just fine,” she says irritated. Little does she know… literally. “In my experience, men who act nice always want something in return. I’ll ask you again. What’s your game?”

“If he finds out later, he’ll be dead set on hunting down Hollow Ground, won’t he?” you say trying to rationalize it. 

“I’d say he’s already set on that”

“Yes, but he doesn’t have any proof or leads. If I tell on you, he’ll be convinced to follow this through and…”

“…and Hollow Ground killed the last Marshall” she finishes your sentence. “So you want to protect him, that’s it?” she says appraising you once more. 

You can feel your shields flinch for a moment at the pressure of a surprise-scan from her. Shit, she was much faster this time, you underestimated her like an idiot… she’s been watching you and learning, while you haven’t practiced with other telepaths in years.

“You’re not fooling me. This isn’t that simple, you’re not that much of a good friend, are you?. You want something else…“ 

“Ok, you’ve got me. I want you to… break up with Ortega. Today,” you croak, the words coming out too fast, too blunt. Why are you so out of your game? You never had a discussion like this before…

“Break up…? Really? What is it to you?”

“Look If he still finds out on his own, I don’t want to be the one who knew all along and said nothing, ok?” you lie. The chances of him finding out if you don’t tell him are next to nothing, but it doesn’t matter. She’s lived in fear of that truth for a very long time, her imagination will work against her. “And I honestly don’t want you lying to his face every single day, I don’t think he deserves that” you add. It’s ok if you lie, not if she does. 

Got to keep those double standards, Awan. 

She frowns, and you start a new blinking contest, she knows there’s more to it, and her scan is there, trying to go past your shields again, but you’re ready this time. You keep your shields together for the longest time, resisting and trying to put on a strained expression as she bounces off them again and again and again. She’s got good endurance but none of the training. Pretending that your shields are at breaking point, you let her pick up the truth you’ve placed for her to find on the deceptively brittle surface. 

Her lips smirk gently, looking at you in a new light. This isn’t what she expected but she seems satisfied with her findings. 

“I guess you are a softie after all… Really? You don’t want me to go to jail?”

“And what if I don’t?” you ask looking away. “It’s not like you had a choice in all of this. You don’t need to be punished again”

The gesture startles you. Her hand on your shoulder.

“It’s ok. You don’t have to pretend to be tough all the time, you know?. I’ll take that deal, Awan. It was a mistake to get so close to him… I should’ve known better.”

“Good that we’re on the same page then,” you say looking at the ground, trying not to get her to see your face. Let her think you’re thankful this is resolved…

It won’t be easy letting your friend go” she ponders. “He doesn’t quit on people”

“Man can’t stop flirting with everything that moves. You’re a good actress. Just add a bit of jealousy and then blame it on him. I’ve seen it done before, many times” you say. 

“… you’re a little puppet master in there huh?” 

“Whatever. It’s just advice, take it or leave it”

“I hear you. Loud and clear. I’ve got some advice for you too if you want it.” 

“For me?” you ask surprised.

“Yes. You’re really good at that … barrier thing you put around yourself all the time”

“Shields,” you say, too impulsively. Why did you have to tell her? That’s dead-on farm terminology. Shit, what are you even doing?. 

“Uhu. Well, that thing… I’m not sure if you’ve ever noticed, but it gets in between you and the people around you. You should try to learn and live outside of it some time.”

“Thanks for the advice,” you say quickly wanting to end the conversation. If you had lived outside your shields you’d be dead by now. Or caught, you’re not sure what’s worst. 

“As you said… take it or leave it,”  

“I think I’ll just…” 

“Hey, guys? You’ve got to come to the meeting room in a moment. We’ve got the call from Phoenix”

“Already? What happened now?” you say looking back at the TV. 

Oh. 

You can see footage from one of the news helicopters, and there he is, Psycopathor, now leading the riot and blowing up police cars with grenades as the crowd cheers.

You turn up the volume…

“… there is a very unstable situation on the ground, that is unfolding very quickly” the reporter explains. “Psycopathor has wrested control over the riot and marches towards the GeniTech’s HQ. The Executives said their Arcology project and main research facility, the so-called “Bastion for Humanity” can endure any and all attacks and calamities and will not evacuate their employees, saying that it has been built to endure all eventualities, including the toxic spill, the rioters, Psycopathor or anyone else thanks to its advanced technology. They say the events tonight will demonstrate the safety of their design. They are not even canceling the planned Halloween celebration. Not everyone wants to stay or trust their message, but many celebrities are stranded inside, as the spills and then the riots have cut them off from the exterior world”

The view zooms in towards Psycopathor

“Let us hear what the self-proclaimed monster has to say about it”

Psycopathor’s voice sounds strong, under the helicopter’s rotors.

“…because It is time for us to march! To fight! To take down these capitalist fuckers, staining our skies! We are going to have to act right now if we want to live in a different world!!” he says raising a spiked fist, with his Vulcan cannon in hand. The crowd roars and resumes marching against the police cordon, aided by a minor hero team, the Revengers. You can see the fear behind their masks as Psycopathor approaches, taller than life surrounded by villains and a huge angry mob.

That’s not going to end well. What is he up to now? Does he really care about pollution? Or does he just want to use this as an excuse to rob the tech the company’s said to have inside that place?

You turn it off and hurry to follow Elyise and Annie trough the corridor. 

Steel and Sentinel are already sitting around the long table, along with is Ashfall and the newest member, Sunstroke… or was it Sunstream? Shit, you can’t remember… 

Ortega’s standing, waiting for the three of you to enter. 

You take your usual place, the seat by the door. 

“Ok people, our newest status update is that we’ve got an epic clusterfuck on our hands. Brace yourselves.” Ortega says starts his debriefing, classy as always. “Let me show you the situation on the map and…” he fiddles with the control, and it fails miserably, the 3d map on the center of the table spinning out of control. Ortega and tech never got along.

“Allow me,” Steel says, quickly taking over the controller, the map almost instantly focusing on a scaled image of Phoenix.

“Right. Thanks.” Ortega goes on with a frown. “As you know, there has been a series of toxic spills trough the several industrial complexes surrounding Phoenix.” several red dots appear surrounding the city “The spills caused red alert levels of smog and airt toxicity, which, in turn, started the riots. The authorities are trying to distribute mask filters to the people, but there are simply not enough and the situation on the ground is a mess.”

You nod trough it. You’ve been following up on it on the news. 

“Psycopathor reappeared and is now leading the main riot. People are marching towards the GeniTech Arcology Project. The people are furious, and since most of those toxic spills belong to  GeniTech subsidiaries, they want them to pay. Psycopathor is banking on that to cause mayhem, but we still don’t know his goal. Oh, and It’s Halloween, so half the protest is wearing gas masks and the other half is on their Halloween costumes. The mayor prohibited the masks or face paint, and it only got worse, everyone’s covering up their face and torching shops ”

“That… is one bad mess Marshal,” Sunstroke says with a frown.

“Worse” Steel interjects. 

“What about the Phoenix Rangers?”  you ask.

“That’s the worst part yet…” Ortega says turning to you. “They were investigating the spills, and they managed to catch the culprit behind it all. 

“Who was it?” Elyise asks.

“Not what. It. Catastrofiend was there.” Ortega adds, causing your jaw to drop. “There was a fight… then an explosion. Aurora and Dr. Simov have been hospitalized and should recover, The Question managed to predict how to save them, and he’s the one calling the shots and directing every independent hero right now. They are overwhelmed, and so he is asking for our aid. He’s now the acting Marshal of Phoenix…”

“You don’t mean…” Anathema starts. 

“Yes. Atalanta and Captain Glory… the… they didn’t make it” he finishes grimly.

___________________________________________________ 

My Fanfics: https://chaniters.tumblr.com/post/181692759294/my-fanfiction-for-fallen-hero

DISCLAIMER: This is a work of fan fiction using characters and the setting of the Fallen Hero: Rebirth and upcoming Fallen Hero: Retribution games written by Malin Riden. I do not claim ownership of any characters from the Fallen Hero wold. These stories are a work of my imagination, and I do not ascribe them to the official story canon. These works are intended for entertainment outside the official storyline owned by the author. I am not profiting financially from the creation of these stories, and thank the author for her wonderful game/s, without which these works would not exist.

[zukalations]

Sparkling TIME: Miya Rurika and Ichijou Azusa

Sparkling TIME was a long-running Kageki talk feature which includes a photoshoot (designed by the participants) and talk between classmates. Miya’s and Ichijou’s was published in the February 2017 issue.

@chemicalperfume kindly assisted me with this translation.

(As always, we encourage you to purchase the magazine to see all of the photos in their original quality)

Sparkling TIME - Miya Yurika (Moon Troupe) and Ichijou Azusa (Star Troupe)

Ichijou: When we were in Star Troupe together, we would have photoshoots together a lot, so they would call us ‘Azururi’, right.

Miya: I feel like we just spread that around so much that other people started doing it (laughs).

Ichijou: We forced it to happen (laughs). But after we ended up in different troupes, of course we had less chances to meet and that was really a shame, so when I was able to do another photoshoot with Miya-chan I was really happy. This is the first time since ‘RISING STAR GUIDE 2012’, isn’t it.

Miya: Right. At that time, we got really excited about the photoshoot, but today the feeling is a little different. It’s like a ‘morning sun’ feeling (laughs).

Ichijou: We’re in separate troupes, going down our own paths, and it would be nice if people see us now that we’ve grown up.

~~~~~~

Miya: Last year, I was able to be in Kurenai-san’s dinner show* in Tokyo only, and it was so much fun. Even though in Takarazuka I was just a cardboard stand-up figure (laughs).

Ichijou: (laughs) In rehearsals it was like we’d gone back in time, and it made me so happy.

Miya: Even though it was my first time in ages participating in a Star Troupe rehearsal, everything from back then came back to life in a flash and it felt like I’d been there the whole time. Especially with Shiiran (Ichijou), since we were together in the Music School, and were struggling through things together ever since we were ken-1.

Ichijou: We were always doing such dumb things, weren’t we (laughs).

Miya: The second we saw an opportunity we’d start goofing off (laughs).

Ichijou: Yeah. Star Troupe was strict, but times when we could hang out with a classmate like that helped us get through it, I think.

Miya: ‘Hang out’ you call it, but we’d just go off somewhere we thought the senior actresses wouldn’t turn up and play things like color tag or ‘otokoyaku red light green light’.

Ichijou: I’m sure it’d be just as fun if we did it again now (laughs).

Miya: I think we developed such a deep relationship because of things like that.

Ichijou: Right.

Miya: Currently we’ve both increased in seniority, so how is it? Shiiran is really enthusiastic and sports-minded, so you’re good at guiding the junior actresses, aren’t you.

Ichijou: I guess so…

Miya: Because they even call you ‘Guts’.

Ichijou: I do think that since I had all of those experiences that I treasure myself, if I see a girl with a lot of guts, or a girl with that kind of attitude, I want to teach them more and more.

Miya: When I was a junior actress, and a senior actress would say just a couple words to me without thinking anything of it, it would make me so happy, so I can still remember what they said to me even now, you know.

Ichijou: Right, I can too.

Miya: Therefore, if I see a girl who’s also pushing herself to do her best, or a girl who’s steadily putting in a lot of work, I feel like I ought to say something to her. When I went to Moon Troupe, I realized that Star Troupe’s ability to work as a whole was really strong. Everyone would share the same feelings and push forward together, that kind of thing.

Ichijou: Yeah, yeah. In Star Troupe, we’re stronger as a group than as individuals. But in Moon Troupe, each and every person does their homework and they're all incredibly good at making their individuality blossom.

Miya: Right, right. It was totally different, so I was really startled. I realized how much I had been helped by the strength of everyone else in the group up until then, so it was like coming to Moon Troupe really gave me a push, and I felt like I had to work harder in order to not cause trouble for everyone else around me. But on the other hand, since I had come from Star Troupe, there were also times when I wanted to convey to everyone how impressive it was when we all worked together as one. I think it’s great that I was able to experience both of those things. Has anything changed for you, Shiiran?

Ichijou: Let me see. I’ve sometimes thought ‘is it fine for Ichijou Azusa to just be ‘Guts’ and energy’, or as there have been more cool otokoyaku around lately I’ve wondered whether it’s a bit lame to just go on ‘Guts’...

Miya: When did you start to think that?

Ichijou: A few years after graduating from shinjin kouen performances. But then once when an OG came to see a show, she told me ‘Has something changed about your characterization? You don’t seem to have much energy.’ So then I realized ‘When I try to be cool it looks that way, maybe I shouldn’t be doing that’. Therefore, I’m not embarrassed about enthusiastically going for it, and I feel I should be ‘Guts’ since that’s the only way I can be. When I realized that, I was able to be a lot more relaxed about performing onstage, and right now I feel like I want to be the kind of performer where people say ‘When you look at Ichijou-san, you really feel like you’re watching Star Troupe’.

Miya: I see. In my case, although they say ‘10 years to otokoyaku’, when it came to that time for me, I felt like I couldn’t really do anything, and I didn’t know what to do with my characterization, so I really had a negative image of myself. In my first couple years [after the 10-year point], no matter how much I rehearsed it didn’t feel like there was any growth to show for it, and as my seniority increased I started to get really scared. But after having a wide variety of experiences, I realized that what I had been doing up until now to make myself look larger, since I’m on the smaller side, had actually been working in the reverse to make me appear smaller. I’m not like Shiiran, but it’s true that being how I am naturally will let my personality come through more. Like at this point, wouldn’t it just be pointless if I decided to change into a super zealous type (laughs).

Ichijou: That’s right (laughs).

Miya: Before, even when an audience member would tell me ‘I like this about Miya-san’, I would think ‘but why, though’ and I couldn’t understand it. But now I’ve started to think that if these things are my good points to an objective viewer, then I should recognize that about myself when I’m performing. And so I’ve started to relax and think ‘it’s fine to be like this’.

Ichijou: And when you can think like that you aren’t scared any more.

Miya: Yeah. And then, Shiiran did this too, but recently I played a female role**, well, a witch, but that’s still a woman (laughs). At that time, I realized that men and women both have the same kind of heart, and while their manner of expressing things may be different, they are moved by their heart.

Ichijou: I thought that too, when I played Mme. Montespan in Le Roi Soleil.

Miya: When I returned to male roles I realized that I had become way more relaxed about performing, so I felt like playing a female role had really helped me grow. I don’t know what kind of roles I’m going to encounter from now on, but right now I think that I’d like to keep a flexible heart and enjoy letting myself be changed, and that it’s good if things change as I perform each role.

Ichijou: In Om Shanti Om it was my first time playing an old person, so I was happy to be able to challenge myself that way. It’s really true that no matter what the character is, they all have the same heart.

Miya: Yeah.

Ichijou: Also, what I’ve been thinking currently is that there are still so many people who don’t know about Takarazuka, so it’s my dream to have even one more person come to see a show while I am still here. Maybe that’s too much.

Miya: No, not at all.

Ichijou: Therefore, I’ve been trying to tell all sorts of people ‘Please come and see a show’.

Miya: That’s wonderful.

* Stella Rossa

** Morgaine in Le Roi Arthur

[margridarnauds]

Okay! This just came to mind BUT...fancast for Bres/Sreng, and your favorites of the Fomorians, TDD, and Fir Bolg, also, fan cast your favorite Ulster Cycle characters! :D

GOD I’ve thought of it a lot, and I’ve never quite come up with someone who FITS. 

Sreng-

He isn’t QUITE as beefy as Sreng should be, and I’d actually rather Sreng not be conventionally attractive. (Personally, my take on Bres/Sreng is Bres doing a Fleur Delacour and being like “I AM GOOD LOOKING ENOUGH FOR BOTH OF US, I THINK.” Personally, I’d LOVE to have it be more region-accurate, as far as getting actors from the relevant regions of Ireland to be them (so, someone from Munster for Sreng, possibly Northern Ireland for Bres, etc.) and I would genuinely love to see someone who’s not white as Sreng, provided it was done well. (Emphasis on ‘well.’) For centuries now, the Fir Bolg have been coded as POC, as writers used them and twisted them into a pro-colonization narrative (”The Tuatha dé were totally right to eradicate this primitive people”), and I would love to see a triumphant reclamation of that, especially since to this day, there’s this idea that Ireland is all white (Hint: It’s not.) But again. It’d have to be done well, and I’m not sure that would be MY take on it to tell because, as is well known and documented, I’m very, very white. 

But, Aidan Turner’s Black Irish, which fits some of the later descriptions of the Fir Bolg, I think he could do a really good job capturing the different dynamics of Sreng’s personality and his development. I think he could REALLY nail Sreng at the beginning, where he’s this young guy in a family that’s tearing itself apart but who is still devoted to his king as he develops into the king of a conquered people. 

Bres - 

I’ll be honest, I’ve NEVER seen anyone who quite fits into my image of Bres. Bres is just…TOO pretty. There’s no one who’s pretty enough to be him. Like, I’ll search for “Hollywood’s Prettiest Actors” and get “Hollywood’s handsomest actors” and see Chris Hemsworth’s face and I’m just like NO. DON’T YOU SEE? If you can picture him cutting wood outside a log cabin, that’s not BRES. 

Personally, I see Lee Pace MORE as Elatha (and again, I’d rather someone actually FROM Ireland play Bres), but he’s also the closest I can come to Bres. On one hand, he’s 40 while Bres is…young when everything begins, but I think he could really sell the snark factor, and come the actual time period for CMT…he would be about the right age, even though Tuatha dé…aging…it’s complicated. But still. Closest thing. And it wouldn’t be the first time we got someone playing a character half their age. 

Fomoire - 

Indech-

Look. I tried to resist it. I really did. Especially given that he looks next to nothing like the actress I’ve ALREADY cast as his daughter. But like. MADS MIKKELSEN AS INDECH. I REPEAT: MADS MIKKELSEN BEING PROBABLY THE MAJOR VILLAIN OF THE TEXT, NEXT TO BRES AND ELATHA.He was going to either HAVE to be either Balor or Indech, and Balor’s…actually not that bad a guy, all things taken into account. Indech, though? Holy SHIT. And he could be BONE-CHILLING. Imagine him saying Indech’s line about grinding the Tuatha dé’s bones to dust, while Bres kind of just looks at him like “This is what I signed up for.” Him killing Duirgen as in the Dindsenchas poem, but doing it almost casually, the same as him swatting a fly. 

Indech’s Daughter-

I will give you a hint to how MUCH I want Katie McGrath as Indech’s Daughter (who I have many, many feelings about at any time of the day despite her brief appearance): There have been times that the only reason I keep on with my WIP is JUST because I know she’s not getting any younger and I NEED to see her there. THE SNARK. THE SCHEMING. And, in my ideal adaption of CMT, we’d see more of her relationship with her brother(s), father, etc., and I think that she could sell it. Do I think her acting is always the best? …Not really, BUT at the same time…KATIE MCGRATH AS INDECH’S DAUGHTER. PLEASE. 

Ochtriallach - 

It is surprisingly hard to find a Scandinavian actor under 40. HOWEVER, I think he could do a good job, even if most of the Vikings style decisions make me want to pull my hair out. We KNOW he can play brutal characters, and Och is…brutal, though I would also want to show a softer side when it comes to his sister/Ruadan. I’m just going to have to accept that the Indechson family is one of those families where no one looks like each other (and where one of them is slightly more…Irish than the other two).

Tethra- Gerard Butler 

Tfw your sister wants to marry some random ass mortal from Ireland, aka the country that you tried to invade, like, two thousand years ago, and Bres is on his bullshit and all you want to do is go fishing. 

Balor - 

Because redheaded Balor IS a hill I’m willing to die on. Just give Kristofer Hivjuan eyepatch and we’re good to go. 

Cethlenn -  

Look, I KNOW “I think you’d do a good job playing a character named ‘Cethlenn of the Crooked Teeth’ who is also the grandmother of one of the main characters in the story” isn’t what EVERYONE would want to hear, especially when she’s not THAT much older than her prospective grandson, but…I think Myanna Buring could do it. (And anyway, aging is fucky with immortals, so)

Indusa - 

Can anyone ELSE play Bres’ only daughter? 

Ruadan - 

Because I’m almost out of young, ginger Irish actors. 

TDD - 

Eriu- 

Alyssa Sutherland. I could REALLY see her rocking it, just from what I’ve seen in Vikings. Eriu’s an interesting figure, and I don’t think she gets enough credit for being the equivalent of a single mother in a society that…while you have different types of marriage, so Bres STILL has inheritance rights with Elatha…there was definitely a stigma. Especially for raising a son who NO ONE knew the father to. (It’s left ambiguous, but my personal read on the text is that Bres was raised by all the women and that Bres was kept out of the loop as far as who his real father was, hence why he asks Eriu later on.) I also would LOVE to see her as the years go on, watching as Bres and Elatha’s relationship breaks down and being in the state of not being able to help her son, because it seems like any choice she makes just drags him closer to his doom, and I think she could really show that, and really give us an Eriu with spirit. 

Bríg-

Look, I’ll be honest here: Bríg is NOT my favorite character. It’s not that I HATE her per se, it’s just that I get rather sick of hearing about her all the time and about how she was SO OPPRESSED by her TERRIBLE ARRANGED MARRIAGE to Bres. (Note: We have NO IDEA why they married, when they married, or how long they were married. There’s a LOT of info you can fill in the blanks on. People take a lot for granted, not least being that Bríg would be the ONLY one who hated being married to someone she didn’t love and was vastly incompatible with.) Like, she has VERY LITTLE to do in terms of the actual myths, she’s not as well-documented as Bres, she doesn’t have as much of a PERSONALITY as Bres, and yet I have to hear about the self-insert version of her 24/7 while people trash my son. 

BUT MY BITTERNESS ASIDE: Bríg…we get very little on her, and so I’m not going to fill in more than needed, but she’s highly associated with the aristocracy of skill. Think of it: Doctors, poets, smiths, ALL of them are the top, top, top of the social ladder in terms of skills, and she’s patroness of all of them. It’s not said whether she dabbles in them herself or not, but she’s obviously interested, and I think Eleanor Tomlinson is very good at being upperclass when needed, even though people most know her as Demelza from Poldark. I also think that, judging from the rest of her career, she could do a very good job showing that kind of gut wrenching grief she shows at Ruadan’s death. (The way I picture that scene going down, it’s BRUTAL, with Bríg being devastated for this boy she’s never really known and furious at Bres for his role in it, furious at the Tuatha dé and the Fomoire alike for their role in bringing it about.) She wouldn’t be a passive Bríg, I think she’d play a Bríg with a little more agency and spark while hopefully not veering into anachronistic territory. 

I don’t necessarily like casting Bríg in particular with an English actress, but…well…she’s a good fit. 

Airmed - 

HELL YEAH SARAH BOLGER. Airmed is…a delicate figure. Like, think of it: She loses two brothers close together (Cian and Miach), the latter of whom she was prevented from even MOURNING because her father was still so insecure and bitter. She’s as brilliant as anyone in her family (keeping in mind that she’s the aunt of LUGH), but…realistically, you’d have to be TERRIFIED of being too smart, after seeing what happened to Miach. Like, the text itself doesn’t do much in terms of giving her a sense of interiority, but I like to imagine that, when her father says “And Airmed shall remain,” he leans over, gives her a fatherly kiss on the forehead, and she tries to repress a shudder. And Sarah Bolger is very, very good at playing aristocratic ladies with that sense of vulnerability while still being poised and elegant. 

Ogma - 

Doesn’t look QUITE as strong as Ogma needs to be, but I think he could sell it. He tends to do a really good job with the “second in command standing loyally by” type of roles, and I think that works really well with what we get of Ogma. 

Lugh - 

Look….Jamie Campbell Bower could rock it. I know, ANOTHER Brit, BUT…he could rock it. He has that kind of androgynous pretty boyness that’s kind of a main thing with Bres, Lugh, and Cú Chulainn, and I think he could portray Lugh as the bitch that he needs to be. Someone dedicated to the Tuatha dé, yes, but also brutally determined to do whatever it takes to make sure that he ends up on top. (Personally, I think he could be utterly terrifying during the scene at Carn úi Neit with Bres.) 

Nuada - 

I’ll be honest, my gut response was “Colin Farrell” but…I already called him for King Eochaid. And John Lynch is a good actor with a long filmography under his belt. And Nuada…he’s a tragic character, but there’s also a dark edge to him. A dark edge to all the TDD, really, and I think he could do it, as well as show Nuada’s vulnerabilities after losing the arm. (Though I’d also be willing to switch Nuada and Eochaid out.)

Uaithne, the Dagda’s harper- 

Look, it was only a matter of time before I cast Hozier as ONE of the immortals; I just thought it would be HILARIOUS if, after the battle, the Dagda is FREAKING OUT because his harpist has been stolen, and then we cut to fucking Hozier strumming out a song while even Bres looks to be having a good time, and then the Dagda, Ogma, and Lugh BURST in and there’s this “Oh shit” moment. I for one think Hozier would make a very good damsel in distress. 

Fir Bolg - 

On one hand, it would almost be a waste given how little he actually gets, but Colin Farrell would make a DEVASTATING King Eochaid. 

Tfw the TDD arrive out of nowhere and try to threaten you at swordpoint and you probably spent your younger days/your father DEFINITELY spent his younger days enslaved in Greece and so you’re sick to death of colonizers and their bullshit and then they kill you in a three on one battle but not before you leave the throne to your cousin whose brother you killed as part of a generations long feud and who is also disturbingly hot for the champion on the other side and OH MY GOD WHAT HAVE YOU DONE. 

Tailtiu- 

Actually had a devil of a time, coming down to Marie Doyle Kennedy or Elena Anaya (the latter of whom had a slight leg up for actually being Spanish), and then I remembered Ruth Negga’s existence and I was like “OH.” I’m not AS familiar with her work on other things, but from what I’ve seen, I think she could do a really dignified take on Tailtiu, where she mourns, but she has to pick herself up off the ground. Tailtiu is a survivor, she’s a woman who left Spain to be with the Fir Bolg (and Eochaid), and then was left a widow, yet managed to become a fixture by being the foster mother to Lugh. (And, ultimately, by marrying Bres’ grandson, which never ceases to be hilarious to me.) I think that we could get a multi-facetted side to her, dealing with her in issues of state as well as her personal life. (I would KILL for some Tailtiu VS Sreng arguments when they’re making the decision to leave or stay.) 

Ulster Cycle:

This will be considerably quicker given I’m not as attached to it as my mythological peeps. 

Blathnat - Evanna Lynch 

My girl. My angel who deserved so much better. Personally, I think Evanna has this…kind of distant, “out there” vibe, which is probably mostly because of knowing her as Luna, and I think that really suits Blathnat. 

Emer- Tamsin Egerton

And yes, ANOTHER English actress. For an Irish/distantly Scandinavian noblewoman. know. I know. But LOOK, she looks very…Emer-ish to me.  

Aiden Gillan - Bricrui or Forgal the Wily 

The man’s made a career being devious and cunning on TV. This is perfect. 

Uathach - Freya Mavor

Aífe - Eva Green

In all fairness, THIS time I didn’t cast an Irish character with a Brit. I just…cast a Scottish character with a French actress. But look, my girl deserves JUSTICE. And I believe Eva Green could give it to her.