#I know it’s just my insecurities probably but I swear now that my sister is older she probably sees me as soooo mf pathetic lmfao like she—

[bestial4ngel]

Hate being the burden that everyone just wants to move on and grow up ‼️

my family lives in a 2 bedroom house so my younger sister and mom share a room but like… she’s going into high school soon. And with my friend that was the youngest sibling with the exact same bedroom arrangement as us, she COULDN’T WAIT for her brother to move out, she was counting the days and wishing he’d just get a job and go already.

And now that’s me !! Like fuck I hate being a huge unwanted inconvenience like this, and being too pathetic to get a job or to truly want to move somewhere else. I hate being the thing that is in everyone’s way and making their lives more miserable

[roosterforme]

Brighter Than a Supernova | Bob Floyd x Phoenix's Little Sister

Summary: Bob planned to simply stop by Phoenix's Hanukkah party for a few minutes before heading back home. He'd hang out with the guys for a bit, even though he never quite felt like he fit in with them, and he'd meet the little sister Phoenix often referred to as annoying. But he had no idea how bright and magical one night could be compared to every other night that had come before.

Warnings: Fluff, swearing, feeling insecure, loss of virginity, smut, drinking

Length: 9000 words

Pairing: Robert "Bob" Floyd x Phoenix's Little Sister (OC)

This was written for the Winter RomCom Challenge hosted by @bellaireland1981! Check my masterlist for more. Beautiful banner made by @ryebecca

"Bob, you're coming over tomorrow night, right?"

When he turned to look at his friend, Bob couldn't help the feeling of apprehension that washed over him. "I think so."

Natasha sighed and reached for his hand and gave him a little squeeze. He hadn't been at Top Gun as long as everyone else, and he felt like he didn't really fit in with them. Even now, the other guys were all hooting and playing keep away with Reuben's phone while Bob stood off to the side on the tarmac. 

"There's nothing to be nervous about. It's just a Hanukkah party," she whispered with a smile. She always seemed to be able to tell when he got lost in his own thoughts, and he would be forever grateful that she was the pilot he got to fly with. 

He shook his head and looked over at their Super Hornet. "I've never been to one before," he muttered. "And I'll probably just end up sitting quietly all night."

Now Natasha was squeezing both of his hands. "But we already drew names for our gift exchange. And you won't be the only one newer to the group. My obnoxious little sister, Nova, is coming in from New York, remember? She's graduating from college in the spring? She hasn't met any of the guys yet."

"But-"

"Bob, I really want you to come," she said firmly, looking up at him with her dark brown eyes. He trusted her in the air, he might as well trust her on the ground, too. 

"Okay. I'll be there."

But when Bob parked his truck in front of Phoenix's tiny house on Saturday evening, his hands were shaking slightly as he held the wrapped gift. He absolutely hated that he got this way around the guys. They hadn't done anything to make him feel this way, really. He just generally didn't fit in anywhere, something he was very aware of at age twenty eight. But he would do this for Natasha. 

He climbed out of his truck with the gift and a bottle of wine and walked up to the front door. Should he knock? Or just walk inside? It sounded noisy even out here, so after he tapped on the door a few times and nobody opened it, he just let himself in.

"Bob's here!" Jake called out from the couch, waving him over to where he was drinking a beer while Javy tried to spin two dreidels at the same time.  

"Bob!" Natasha practically shouted as she ran his way. He had to juggle the bottle of wine so he didn't drop it. "Can you help me make latkes? Nova and I have been peeling potatoes for what feels like hours, and now we're heating up the oil."

"I don't know how to make latkes," he told her, but his eyes caught on the woman standing in the kitchen laughing at Bradley. He could only see her profile, but she had long, dark brown hair just like Natasha. Only she was a little taller and a bit curvier, and when she turned to look over her shoulder, he wanted to run and hide. 

"It's easy, Bob. It's just a potato pancake. Nothing scary," Natasha whispered, trying to sound reassuring. "Come meet Nova, and you can help us cook."

He swallowed hard, realizing that the brunette goddess holding a potato peeler in one while she smiled directly at him was Natasha's little sister. The one she always referred to as obnoxious and annoying. This was... decidedly not what he had imagined. 

Bob didn't know where to look. Every part of her was so pretty. She was wearing black leggings and a cropped long sleeve shirt that was purple and said NYU on the front. He could see some of the soft looking skin just above her leggings, and his eyes dropped to the floor in embarrassment. She was barefoot with neon orange painted toenails that for some reason made Bob a little short of breath.

"Bob, this is my sister Nova," Nat told him, rubbing his back gently as his gaze wandered back up along her curves. His eyes landed on her face as Natasha said, "Nova, this is Bob. Please don't annoy him."

"Hi," she said with a little smirk on her face. She tossed her hair over her shoulder and reached her hand out to him. "I've heard a lot about you, Bob."

He was terrified that he would stutter or trip over his words, but he just said something stupid instead. "You don't look annoying."

She laughed as she shook his hand. "Oh, I can assure you, I am." Her eyes were the same color as her sister's, but they were looking at him playfully as she nibbled on her lip. It was easy to tell Nova and Natasha were sisters, but there were some differences, too. Bob had the fleeting thought that he wouldn't mind just looking at her all night until he identified them all. 

"Feel free to ignore her," Nat told him as she went to stand in front of the stove. "I usually do."

"I don't see how that would be possible," Bob murmured, and Nova laughed again before he realized what he'd said. He could feel his cheeks flush as he tried to look at anything besides her, but as soon as he did, Bradley dove for her attention. 

"So tell me all about New York CIty," he said as if he'd never heard of it before. This was fine though. Better even. Nova and Bradley could just flirt all night, and Bob could help cook and then probably leave soon. That way everyone would win. 

After a few minutes, he desperately wanted to ask Natasha if they could cook any faster so he could open his impersonal gift from one of the guys and get going. But he found that making latkes was actually pretty enjoyable. 

"That's too much egg," she told him, laughing at his messy hands as his glasses slid down his nose. "You need more flour." But her hands were a mess, too, and Bob was trying to adjust his glasses on his shoulder. 

When he turned to the side, he saw Bradley, Mickey and Jake all talking to Nova, but she was actually looking right at him as he very awkwardly shrugged his shoulder against his glasses. "I got you, Bob," she said, closing the distance to him and helping him out. She adjusted his frames on his face, and then she ran her fingers along his hair and behind his ears. "Better?"

He watched her pull her hands away and wished she wouldn't. "Yes," he whispered. "Thank you." Then he just stared at her as she made no move to back away. 

"You're welcome. Do you celebrate Hanukkah?"

He swallowed hard as he washed his hands and shook his head. "This is my... first time."

Her eyes lit up. "Oh! Perfect! You can help me light the candles, and I can teach you the prayers."

"Might as well light the menorah now," Natasha told her as she flipped some of the squishy looking potato blobs over in the hot oil. The kitchen smelled like fried food, and there was a huge box of donuts that the other guys already got into. Javy brought the dreidels into the kitchen, and he was currently spinning five at one time. This holiday actually didn't seem so bad. Especially when Nova reached for his hand. 

"Gather around," she announced with the kind of confidence Bob would never have, and all the guys followed her to the other side of the island. But she kept Bob right there with her and smiled up at him. "Here you go," she said, handing him the lighter. Then she stuck some candles in the menorah. 

"Don't you light them from left to right?" Bradley asked as he sipped a beer and ate a jelly donut while glaring at Bob.

"Yes!" she replied as she put the last candle in for the eighth night. 

"You want me to light them for you, Bob?" Bradley asked, and Bob was just about to hand the lighter over when Nova reached for his hand.

"I'm going to say a really pretty prayer in Hebrew about how Hanukkah is a time to celebrate miracles," she told him, seemingly ignoring the rest of the guys as Jake started whining that he was hungry. But Bob was transfixed. He was suddenly dying to hear this prayer. He could see the light smattering of freckles on Nova's cheeks as he stood this close to her. He never noticed before if Nat had freckles.

It would be a Hanukkah miracle if Bob could get through the evening. When she told him to light the center candle and then pick it up, he did. And then her hand joined his as they lit the candles together, but Bob wasn't looking at the menorah. He was looking at her face and the way her lips moved as she almost sang the prayer. Then he kept his hand on hers as long as he could, the warm candlelight making her face glow. 

When she dropped her hand to her side, Bob could feel her fingers kind of tangle with his, and he had no idea what to do about it. He was suddenly painfully aware that he'd never had a girlfriend before, and he almost wished she was paying this much attention to someone else. 

"Latkes are done!" Natasha announced, and Bob took a step away from Nova. He cleared his throat and then turned to leave the kitchen as everyone else made a dash for the food. When he retreated for the relative quiet of the powder room, he could feel dark eyes on his back.

Bob realized he'd been in the bathroom for long enough that someone might think he was sick, but he couldn't stop splashing cool water on his face. He had been prepared for something else tonight, but not this. Maybe Nova was just an annoying little sister to Phoenix, but to him, she was exquisite. He needed to leave now before he could embarrass himself more. 

After he dried his hands, he quietly opened the door, but then he paused. He could hear voices. Two female voices, and he could easily tell them apart as he stood there eavesdropping.

"Natasha, you lied to me," Nova whispered loudly. "You said Bob was kind of nerdy!"

Oh no. She must have thought Bob was extremely nerdy. Perhaps he could make a run for the front door, and maybe nobody would notice he'd gone.

"I mean, he is," Natasha replied softly. 

"No, he's not!" Nova hissed. "He's hot! You know I have a thing for glasses and biceps, you rotten liar!"

Now Bob was frozen in place. He was pretty sure they were talking about him, but there was a chance he misheard.

"Nova," Natasha snapped a little louder this time. "Bob is one of my best friends, and he's very kind. Do not toy with him."

There was a pause, but then Bob heard her soft response. "I wouldn't. You can tell how sweet he is from a mile away."

He looked in the mirror one more time before leaving the powder room. It wasn't that he was bad looking, it was just that he was awkward. Compared to the other guys, he was a joke. Maybe Nova somehow hadn't noticed that yet. He forced himself out to the small hallway where the two sisters were standing close together near the kitchen, and the way Nova looked at him just didn't make sense. 

"Grab some latkes," she said as he walked past. "I'll save you a spot on the couch for the gift exchange?"

Bob swallowed hard. "Sure. Thank you."

When he ducked into the kitchen, he heard her whisper to Nat, "He has nice manners, too."

Nat groaned. "I can't believe you have a crush on my WSO."

"Yeah, well, you shouldn't have kept this information from me."

Bob was anxiously piling a plate with more latkes than he could probably finish when Nova flounced into the room, picked up her half empty glass of wine along with an unused one and winked at him. "I'll be in the living room, and I have a glass for you," she said.

He looked down at the potato concoctions on his plate, and they looked good. He tried a bite, and it was delicious, but he'd lost his appetite. Nova Trace had a crush on him, and now he had to go sit with her and drink some wine without looking like a moron. 

After a few more bites, he pushed his plate aside and headed to the living room where she was sitting right next to Bradley. He had his arm draped across the back of the couch a little possessively, and Bob froze, blinking at the scene before him. He had the undeniable urge to remove Bradley's arm and wrap her up with own. 

"Bob," she called, scooting away from Bradley and patting the cushion. Once he squeezed in between her and Bradley, he realized he was touching her no matter what he did. And then she took his arm and draped it around her shoulders, leaning back against his chest a little bit. "It's a tight fit," she said, handing him a glass of wine. 

"Seriously?" Bradley grumbled, crossing his arms over his chest and shaking his head. Bob wasn't sure what to say as he had an armful of the cute girl who was in demand. This was all new to him. So he just drank all of his wine and pretended to watch everyone open their gifts. 

When he set his empty glass down on the table, Nat handed him a small box wrapped in silver paper. He didn't recognize the pretty handwriting that said To: Bob.

"Oh," Nova whispered, reaching for it. "You don't have to open it."

"It's from you?" Bob asked, and she looked up at him over her shoulder, face just inches from his.

"Yeah, but it just seems kind of dumb now," she muttered, playing with the hem of her top. "Nat made it seem like you were super nerdy or something," she laughed. "And clearly that's not the case. You're hot."

Bob chuckled; this whole entire night was completely absurd. "I've never been called hot before."

Nova rolled her eyes. "You know what? Just go ahead and open your present," she said, shoving the small box closer to his chest while she blushed. 

Bob started to carefully tear into the paper when Bradley leaned across Bob and asked, "I'm sorry, Nova, but did you just call Bob hot?"

"Yes," she replied immediately. 

Bradley stood and grunted while he put on the hat that Javy just gave him that said 100% Certified Fuckboy. "She picked Bob. Nice work man," he said, patting Bob's shoulder. "Who needs a beer?"

"I do," Nat told him as she eyed Bob and Nova together on the couch with curiosity. Bob wasn't sure what he should even say to her. It wasn't like he was going to date her sister or something. She lived in New York.

"Open it," Nova whispered. "Just open it so I can get my embarrassment over with."

Bob couldn't believe she seemed more embarrassed about the gift than she did about announcing to the room at large that she found him attractive. When he took the lid off the box and looked inside, it was filled with a set of sky blue dice. 

"I'm sorry," she said with a laugh. "Nat said you play Dungeons and Dragons, and I found the dice and thought they were pretty, and now I'm noticing that they're kind of the same shade as your eyes." She took the box from him, put the lid on and set it aside.

"Wait," he said, reaching across her to pick it up again. "I do play. And light blue is my favorite color. How did you know?"

"I didn't," she said, cheeks pink. "It's my favorite color, too."

He could see her freckles again as she grinned so close to him. Bob suddenly realized that the living room was getting loud as he held the box between his body and hers. "Thank you. I really like them. I was a little afraid to see what the guys were going to buy for me, so I'm glad it was from you."

"Nat dropped down on the couch on the other side of Bob as she spun the keychain around her finger that Bob got for her. "Thank you," she said, kissing him on the cheek as the airplane charm hit her palm. The guys were spinning as many dreidels on the coffee table as they could while fighting over the mound of chocolate candy coins. "You know, if it's a little too loud, you could always step outside for a minute," she told him, patting his thigh before joining the guys. 

"Let's take a break," Nova said as she stood and pulled him to his feet. Bob felt like Nat had just given him some sort of permission. But for what? "I could use a break as well. It's hot in here." 

She opened the front door and slipped out into the darkness on the small porch, and Bob joined her, closing the door and stifling the sounds inside. "Aren't your feet going to get cold?" he asked softly, looking down at her neon toenails.

"Good call," she replied before wrapping her arms around his neck and standing on the tops of his shoes. Bob's hands went to the soft curve of her waist immediately, startled by the sudden turn of events that had Nova's body pressed to his. "Is this okay?" she asked casually, looking up at him as she let her fingers trail down his neck.

His body was throbbing in delight as his brain cried out in terror. "Y-Yes. It's... very okay. You're very pretty." His eyes went wide as she laughed, and it sounded too intimate this close. He could feel her bare skin against his fingertips, and it was so soft. Softer than anything. He couldn't help the way he let his palms spread out on her back, as he blurted out, "I like you."

He noticed her soft smile first, and then her eyes closed. Bob was admiring how her eyelashes brushed her cheeks as she said, "I like you, too." And then she kissed him. She just kissed him. It was suddenly time for kissing. And then it was over before Bob really got to enjoy it. Nova was looking up at him like she was trying to gauge his reaction, but he just stood there trying to figure out what to do next. 

Her fingers stilled on his neck before she released him and tried to step away, her face falling into a much shyer look. But he kept his hands on her back. Her lips were softly parted, and Bob wanted them on his again. Even though he wasn't quite sure if he was doing any of it right, he leaned down and pressed his lips against hers a little too hard at first. 

She moaned softly as she brought her hands back up around his neck, and Bob eased himself back a little bit, making the kiss softer. This felt good. She had smooth skin and eager lips, and now her fingers were in his hair as her cheek bumped his glasses. He felt like he was getting the hang of things when she parted her lips and tasted his tongue. 

Bob's hands slid down to grab at her hips through her leggings, and Nova laughed softly as she tasted him again. The soft vibrations against his lips had him more aware of his body than he ever had been before, but not in a bad way. He seemed to be making her feel excited as she wiggled her curvy hips back and forth slightly in his hands. 

Nova broke the kiss and raked her fingers along his forehead and back through his tidy hair. "You smell good," she told him, leaning in close again and running her nose along his neck. "Like... something outdoorsy mixed with a fried potato."

He couldn't help but laugh as she kissed the spot next to his Adam's apple. "That sounds like it would smell bad."

"It doesn't," she reassured him with a giggle. "It just makes me want to taste you." Bob had to press his lips together and count to ten in his head as Nova ran her tongue in a slow and steady stripe up his neck to his ear. When her lips met his earlobe, his hands on her hips were pulling her body closer to his as she said, "I could eat you up."

She was still standing on the tops of his feet, but now Bob had her back pressed against the doorframe. They were making out, and it was all coming pretty naturally for him. She kissed his neck and told him something sweet, so he decided to go ahead and try the same thing. "I think I love kissing you," he said, his voice raspier than normal as she tipped her head back.

Nova was moaning his name as he kissed the front of her neck, and she pressed her thigh against him. And oh no... Bob had an erection. She didn't seem bothered, but he pulled himself a few inches away from her and looked down at her pretty face. "Do you want to go back inside?" she asked, her chest rising and falling as she caught her breath. 

"Should we?" he asked softly, sliding his hands back up to her waist as she shrugged. 

"Probably. But I'm sure they all know exactly what we're doing out here."

His eyes went wide. "They do?"

She smiled and ran her fingers along his cheek. "Yeah, I'd venture to guess they know we were making out, Bob."

How was he supposed to go back inside now? He thought about just leaving; his truck was parked right there on the street. But he didn't want to go without his new dice. Or Nova.

He cleared his throat. "Yeah... maybe we should go back in."

"Okay." But first she wrapped her fingers around the back of his neck and pressed one more soft kiss to his lips. "Just let me know if you want to take another break, because I'd be more than happy to tag along."

Then she opened the door, and the bright light and loud laughter coming from inside were enough to have him reaching for Nova's hand as she stepped down from his feet and onto the living room floor. She looked back at him with a coy smile as she laced her fingers with his. It was so obvious that they had been kissing. Bob knew he was blushing, and her lips looked a little puffy from the way he'd been enjoying them. When Jake fist bumped him as they walked past, Javy winked, and Bradley was on the couch with Nat pouting. 

But Nat smiled and shook her head as Nova led Bob into the kitchen. "Want some more wine?" she asked, pulling a bottle from the refrigerator. There was something about the way she looked in the semi darkness as the candles from the menorah burned low. Her face was cast in warm light as well as shadows, and Bob found that leaning down to kiss her again was the most natural thing in the world. 

The cold bottle was pressed to his arm, and she kissed him back. When Bob opened his eyes again, his glasses were crooked and two of the candles had burned out. The kitchen was even darker now as she pecked his cheek and then strolled out into the living room. He took a few seconds to consider that now he'd initiated more kisses than she had. The desire to follow her and kiss her again was so strong, he almost tripped when he thought about her going back to New York. Had he ever felt this way about a girl after a few hours? No. Absolutely not.

He knew he should have found another place to sit in Nat's tiny, loud living room, but when he saw the spot on the couch next to Nova was empty, he couldn't force his steps in any other direction. She tracked him with her eyes, clearly feeling no shame about what was happening here. 

"How much have the rest of you had to drink?" she asked the guys. Jake was laying on the floor laughing while Javy tried to spin a dreidel on his nose. Bradley's cheeks were bright red, and he was half asleep at the other end of the couch. Mickey actually was asleep in the armchair. The only one who looked okay was Reuben. 

"A lot," Javy said. "We turned dreidels into a drinking game, and clearly Nat is better than the rest of us." Nat winked at Nova who winked back. "And Mickey can't hold his liquor for shit."

Nova laughed at him in the armchair. "Is that a WSO thing, Bob? Or can you handle another glass of wine?" she teased. 

"I can handle what you give me," he replied before he could consider how that might sound. She gasped softly and kind of nodded as she poured some more into his glass from earlier. 

"I guess we'll find out."

She tapped her glass to his, and they joined in the game with the others. Bob had never played before, but he was a quick study. It certainly didn't hurt that Nova kept touching his hands as she taught him what to do. And two glasses of wine later, Bob felt lighter and more carefree. His right hand was resting on her lower back, and she leaned in to his side as the game progressed. And the best part was, Nat seemed more than okay with this.

In fact, as midnight was fast approaching, Nat stood and stretched. "I'm beat. I don't care who stays over, but Nova is in the extra bedroom, so the rest of you can fight over the couches."

Bradley and Mickey both snored in response while Reuben started to gather Jake and Javy off the floor. "I'll drop the two of you off," he said. "It was nice to meet you, Nova. Thanks, Nat."

"Thanks, Nat," Javy and Jake echoed as Nat waved. Nova blew them each a kiss. 

Once they were gone, Nat started to gather up the empty wine bottles to take them into the kitchen, and Bob figured he should get ready to go as well. "Do you need help with anything?" he asked his friend, but she just waved him off. "No, I insist," he added.

He picked up some more of the trash the guys left, and as soon as he and Nova both stood, Bradley stretched out on the couch. "Just leave the rest of the mess. It's honestly fine. We can clean it up tomorrow," Nat said as she looked at her sister. 

Nova nodded. "Yeah, I'll help you clean everything when we wake up." 

They carried the trash they had already gathered in their arms to the kitchen, and then Nat hugged her sister before kissing Bob's cheek. "I'm assuming I'll see you again quite soon," she told him with an amused expression before she headed for the stairs. 

Bob wasn't sure exactly what that was supposed to mean, but he wasn't going to dwell on it. Right now he had to figure out a way to say goodbye to the woman in front of him. He wondered if there was some way he could tell her that the few hours he spent with her somehow meant something to him. If she lived in San Diego, he thought he would very much like to take her to dinner. Maybe he could figure out a way to say so without completely ruining the moments they'd shared tonight.

"Nova, I-"

It was time for more kissing. She didn't hesitate at all, almost like she felt as comfortable with this as he did. Her hand found the bottom of Bob's tee shirt and eased the fabric up so her palm could rest flat on his abs. She nibbled gently on his lip before she let him taste her tongue. She was sweet like wine. Then his hands were back on her hips again as she eased his shirt up a little further. 

"You had a lot to drink," she whispered with a wink, rubbing the tip of her nose against his. "Maybe you should come upstairs with me?" Bob wasn't drunk in the least, and he thought he knew what she meant. When his posture stiffened, she looked up at him. "It's just a twin bed, but we can both fit. If you want."

"You mean to... sleep?" he asked, embarrassed that he had to confirm instead of just knowing how to do things. 

Her hand glided down to the top of his jeans, and she laughed softly. "We don't have to mess around," she said as she kissed his lips softly. "But I don't think I can keep my lips away from yours."

When Bob nodded in agreement, heart pounding rapidly, she took him by the hand. Mickey and Bradley were both sound asleep in the living room where Bob made sure to grab his box of dice. Then he let Nova lead him upstairs. 

She looked back to smile at him a few times and tugged on his hand when he started to fall behind. Once they were in the extra bedroom with the soft lamplight and the door closed, Nova seemed a little more hesitant.

"Well, there's the twin bed," she said, gesturing toward it before putting her hands on her hips. Then she crossed her arms over her chest and laughed as she looked at the floor. "And I mean, obviously this was all a ploy to get to spend more time with you. But also, I don't think you should drive home after drinking so much wine." She paused before adding, "But mostly I just kind of thought maybe you and I could keep talking and making out."

Bob smiled when she looked up at him. "Yeah, I would like that."

She bit her lip, and Bob swore he had never in his life seen a woman who was so eager to be around him. He toed off his shoes before reaching for her hand again. And then he decided he was going to go for it. He was going to say what was on his mind as they both sat down on the edge of the bed together. 

"Hey, Nova? I..." he paused as he looked at her pretty face, and he had to clear his throat before he kept going. "You're really... I like you a lot, and I just wanted you to know that if you lived in San Diego, I would ask you on a date."

She scooted a little closer and let her hand come to rest on his thigh. "Where would you take me?" she asked, pressing her lips to his jaw as he stuttered.

"I would... I'd take you to um, a restaurant that I like called Starlite. It's in the city. It's really pretty inside at night, and they have fairy lights and champagne. And I think you'd look beautiful sitting at one of the tables with me."

"Oh my god," she moaned against his jaw, and Bob had absolutely no control over how his body was reacting to her. "Tell me more."

He tried to keep talking as she moved her hand further up his thigh, but he wasn't sure he was making sense. "I'd get you whatever you wanted, of course. But the steak is really good, so I'd ask if you wanted that. And. And I'd be hoping the waiter was really slow, because you'd look so pretty with the soft lights all around you. I'd want to keep you there with me as long as I could."

"I want to go," Nova whispered, kissing his ear. "I can practically picture it."

Bob closed his eyes, willing his cock to stop having a mind of its own as her fingers went as high as the bottoms of his boxer briefs. If she kept this up, Bob would have to excuse himself, and he really didn't want to leave her right now. Then she straddled his thighs and wrapped her arms around his neck, and Bob's arms were full of her. 

"I wish we could," he whispered, unsure what to do with his hands. "I'd take you there tomorrow, but Nat told me you're flying back east in the evening." He finally let his hands settle on her waist as she nodded sadly. 

"I am," she said as her lips brushed his. "But just humor me. Would you kiss me at Starlite?"

"I'd have to," he replied immediately. "It would be mandatory. All the light and shadows on your face... you'd be ethereal. And if you were looking at me, I wouldn't be able to help myself."

"Bob," she moaned against his lips, nibbling on him softly as her fingers went to his hair. "And where would you take me for our second date?"

He laughed as she licked his tongue. "You'd go out with me a second time?"

"You're joking right?" Nova asked, pulling back a few inches as she played with his hair. "This is all hypothetical, and it's still the best date I've ever been on."

"Okay," Bob replied, and he couldn't help but smile as she nodded for him to go on. "For our second date, I'd take you to the Mission Hills Rooftop Theater."

"What would we watch?" she asked, smiling as Bob let his hands drift up a little bit under her shirt. 

He shrugged. "Probably a foreign film. You'd think it was cool, but I'd just be watching the way the colorful lights flickered across your face."

She squeaked softly. "Can we pretend we're at the theater now?"

"Sure," he whispered with a smile. "We're at the theater. You look beautiful, reading all the subtitles. But I lost track of the plot of the film already."

"Why's that?" she asked with a grin.

"Can't pay attention to anything except you."

She pushed on his chest until he was laying on his back, her long hair brushing the side of his face as she leaned down to kiss him. She was rubbing herself against his hard length through his jeans and making little sounds that he'd never heard before. His hands were stroking higher, and he could feel her bra with his fingertips. He didn't want any of this to stop.

"Now you seem like a respectable guy, Bob," she murmured. "Would you take me home with you after our second date or make me wait until our third?"

Oh no. Bob loosened his grip on her as he went silent. Nova was still kissing her way across his cheek to his ear when her movements slowed. She eyed him curiously before nudging the rim of his glasses with her nose. 

"Bob?"

He swallowed hard and closed his eyes. "I don't know. I've never... taken a girl home before."

She looked down at him with a soft smile on her lips. "What?" she asked as she pushed her fingers back through his hair. 

Bob was terrified that she would stop touching him as soon as he said the words. She was so lovely, gravitating right to him all night just the same way he subconsciously felt like he wanted to be near her. He already recognized that he could fall for his friend's little sister. Maybe he already had. 

He took a deep breath as he adjusted his glasses. She was waiting for him to respond, and there was no point in lying about it now. "I'm a virgin."

Nova's brow creased, and her lips parted wordlessly. She examined his face, probably trying to see if he was lying, because there's no way someone his age shouldn't have lost his virginity by now. And it was a million times worse for a guy than for a girl. He knew that. It was all so very embarrassing. 

She didn't laugh, rather she kissed the corner of his lips and simply asked, "How?"

Bob shrugged. "I'm awkward."

"No. You're hot," she replied, shaking her head. "That's not it."

He tried to turn his head and look away, but she followed his gaze until he returned her soft smile. "I'm not really sure," he whispered. "I got close a few times, but it just didn't seem right. That sounds dumb."

"No, it doesn't," she replied, surprising Bob as she kissed him again. "Are you picky?" she asked between each soft press of her lips to his.

"Yeah. Kind of," he told her honestly. "Always have been. Picky about who I spend time with.

She brushed her fingers back through his hair again, and Bob melted at her touch. "That makes sense. A guy like you should be picky."

Somehow Nova was making him feel a lot more normal about this as she wasn't shying away from him. "Picky," he confirmed. "And the timing was never right."

"That's important," she said with a smile. "You have to do what feels good to you."

Bob swallowed hard. He was picky, but he really liked Nova. And for some reason, tonight out of all nights kind of felt right. He could easily blame Nat's Hanukkah party and the soft glow of the menorah candles on Nova's face for getting him to this point. She was on top of him, still kissing him, and he didn't want this to end. 

"This feels good to me," he blurted out, reaching up to push his fingers through her dark hair. "Tonight feels right."

She nodded, smiling as she crawled off of him, leaving Bob a little cold as he missed the feeling of her immediately. He sat up on the bed as she crawled up to the pillows and whispered, "Come here." She coaxed him along until she was laying on the pillows and he was on top of her, bracing himself with his arms so he didn't hurt her. 

"Okay, so, we already went to Starlite for dinner and then to the Mission Hills Rooftop Theater. I'll give you until our third date to make your move," she whispered, grinning up at him as she ran he hands up his biceps. "Where are you taking me?"

He took a deep breath; now was not the time for this wave of confidence to falter. "Cliffs beach. I'm packing a picnic, and we can sit in the bed of my truck and watch the sunset while we eat."

Nova moaned again and hooked her leg around Bob's thigh, pulling him impossibly closer. "Dinner was perfect. But now that the sun went down, I'm a little chilly."

"Well, I could keep you warm." He kissed her. "I'd hold you as I tried to work up the nerve to ask you if you wanted to come back to my place."

"I'm wrapped up in your arms, patiently waiting for you to ask," she replied with a smirk.

He nodded, and he knew he was blushing. This whole thing was kind of silly, but it just made sense. "I really like you. I could probably fall for you. If I let myself," he whispered, and she whimpered softly. "Do you want to come back to my place, Nova?"

"Absolutely."

Her hands were all over his face and in his hair, and eventually she took his glasses off and set them on the nightstand. She kissed him slowly as she rolled her hips up against his, and Bob blushed as he got hard again. When she carefully pulled his shirt off, she set it next to the pillow, and then she explored his body with her hands. But as soon as she pulled her own NYU shirt off and was laying beneath him, she arched her back. 

Bob reached beneath her, and he fumbled for a few seconds before he unhooked her bra. As he pulled the black lace away from her body and looked down at her breasts and her confident face, he marked this as the furthest he'd ever gone with a woman. She seemed to sense he needed a moment as she ran her fingers through his hair as he stuttered, "You're gorgeous."

Nova looked up at him with her playful dark eyes, but right now they seemed a little more serious. "I could probably fall for you, too."

Then his lips were on hers, and his hands went to her breasts gently stroking each soft handful. He could fall for this, he was sure of it. He wanted to take her on all of those dates, and he would have if he could have. He was charmed by her, and she seemed equally interested in him. 

"Bob," she moaned, breaking the kiss and tipping her head back as he pushed himself against her core. He brought his lips down to taste her breasts, and soon she was rolling her hips a little faster. "That feels good," she whispered as she looked up at him. "I like that."

Nova responded just like that to everything he did. When he kissed the side of her neck, she blushed a pretty shade of pink. She shivered for him when he ran his fingers down her side. When he paused with his hand just above the top of her leggings, she whispered, "Bob, you're making me kind of crazy."

She guided his hand down a few more inches with her own, but she didn't get annoyed when he took his time pulling her leggings and underwear off. His heart was pounding as he looked at her, completely naked. Maybe she could sense his hesitation, because she sat up, too, wrapping her arms around his neck. "I'll tell you if I don't like something, okay? And you do the same?"

He nodded. "I like everything so far. I just don't want to mess this up."

"You won't," she promised, taking his face in both of her hands and kissing him softly at first. Then her lips became more demanding, and Bob wrapped one strong arm around her, pulling her on top of him. She giggled against his lips before swiping his tongue with her own. 

Her fingers roamed his bare torso and found the light trail of hair below his belly button. "I'm going to take your jeans off," she whispered, carefully unbuttoning and unzipping them. Her hair was already kind of a mess, and he knew his must have been as well. But then all thoughts left his mind as she started to pull his pants down. Bob wasn't dumb; he knew he was at least average size from the amount of time he'd spent in naval locker rooms. But he was surprised by her soft gasp when she pulled his underwear down far enough that his erection sprang free. Then his jeans, socks and underwear were in a pile at the bottom of the small bed, and he was naked, too.

He grunted as she wrapped her hand around him. This was the best thing he ever felt. Until she kissed him there. "Oh god, Nova. Wait," he moaned, and she looked up at him with wide eyes. "Don't we need a condom?"

She responded by licking his length before crawling up his body to kiss his lips. "I can go ask my sister if she has any if you want to use one." 

"No!" he gasped, nearly headbutting her as he sat up. "No, don't do that." Bob wasn't sure that Natasha would respond kindly to that question coming from her sister. "Please don't."

But Nova was all smiles as she straddled his waist. "Okay," she whispered as he braced himself with his hand behind him on the bed. "I won't alert Natasha to the fact that we're about to have sex."

Bob sighed in relief and reached out to push her hair behind her ear. "Actually, if you could not mention her again right now, that would be great." 

Now she was laughing softly as she scooted up until Bob could feel her wet pussy rubbing his cock. "Promise," she confirmed as he looked up at her face. When he glanced down between them, all he could see was her perfect body and his cock jumping against her in excitement. "I'm on birth control anyway," she whispered, kissing along his jaw. "And I know you're a little nervous, but so am I."

"Why?" he asked, surprised by her words. 

Nova hummed as she kissed her way back to his lips. "I want this to feel good for you." She wrapped her arms around his neck as she slowly rolled her hips against him and made the softest sounds. His heart rate picked up as she added, "I want you to think about our hypothetical dates after I'm gone."

He was sure he would be thinking about Nova for a very long time. She was all gentle fingers in his hair and confident smiles. She was beautiful, and Bob could easily get addicted to this. 

She guided him to lay back on the pillows as she asked, "You ready?" 

"Yeah." His voice sounded hoarse as he looked up at her and pushed her hair over one shoulder. When he let his hands trail over the soft skin of her shoulders, breasts and sides, she shivered as she kissed him. Bob could feel her hand around his length, and then his head tipped away from her as he moaned. "Does that feel good?"

Good. That didn't seem like the right word for it, but now his brain felt a little hazy. Nova's lips ghosted over his as he moaned again. She felt tight and inviting, and when she rolled her hips with him inside her like this, Bob gripped her hip a little tighter. His other hand ended up tangled in her hair as he traced her freckled cheek with his thumb. "Nova," he gasped against her lips before devouring her. 

Her soft noises got a little louder, and each roll of her hips had Bob praying that this would never end. Every passing second was better than the last. Every time she whispered his name and tasted his tongue was too exciting. When she ended up on her back, looking up at him with wide eyes and parted lips, he kissed her neck and pushed himself deep inside her.

"Oh," she moaned, and he had to slowly shake his head to keep his focus. Her leg was hooked up around his hip, and he was suddenly very aware that he didn't know how to make her orgasm. 

"Nova?" he gasped as she reached for his hand. But he should have known she'd be willing to help him with this as she showed him where and how to rub her. 

"Fuck," she whined, taking a few gasping breaths. "That feels so good." He kept moving his hips, too, and a few seconds later, as she was nibbling on his lip and whining, he felt her squeezing around him. "Bob. Bob. Bob!"

Her back was arched off the bed, and her breasts bounced with every wild breath she took, and then he had no idea it would all happen so fast for him. He tucked his face against her neck and shoulder as he bucked into her without finesse. He couldn't control it. He came so hard, his vision looked like a kaleidoscope of colors when he opened his eyes. But she was right there, and she was perfect.

He half collapsed against her chest as she played with his hair, and it felt like it might have been a long time before he moved. Bob wrapped his arms a little tighter around her, and even though he thought he should feel timid, he didn't. He felt so relaxed and almost loved as she touched him like this. When he tipped his face up to look at her, she was smiling. 

He was picky, and the timing never felt right before now. But Nova was lovely, and tonight was the right night. "My Hanukkah wish is to go on all of those dates with you," he whispered, and she closed her eyes as she blushed. "And see how pretty you'd look with the sun setting and all the fairy lights."

She leaned up slightly to kiss his lips. "I wish we could."

As she laced her fingers with his, Bob whispered, "Maybe we can trade phone numbers? And talk until you get tired of me."

She nodded and asked, "And what if I don't ever get tired of you?"

Bob studied her face as she ran her fingers through his hair and down his neck to his shoulder. "Then we'll go on the dates for real."

Eventually they fell asleep around four in the morning after talking and having sex again. When Bob woke up at nine, it was to Nova's lips on his neck and her voice in his ear. "Morning, Bob." 

He just held her a little tighter. When they went downstairs, nobody was surprised they'd spent the night together, not even Nat. She greeted him with a kiss on the cheek, and he ended up staying all day, even after Bradley and Mickey both left. He just wanted to be around Nova for as long as possible, but eventually he had to leave so her sister could take her to the airport. So she could go back to New York.

"I'll miss you," she promised when she walked him out to his truck. She took his phone and saved her number for him. 

"Should I text you now? So you have mine, too?"

She wrapped her arms around his neck and whispered, "Fair warning, once you text me, I'll write back and probably never stop."

Bob laughed softly and quickly typed up a text to her while she kissed his neck. 

I miss you already, and I didn't even leave yet.

Then he kissed her back until her sister started yelling out the front door about going to the airport. "Bye, Bob," Nova whispered before kissing his cheek and bounding back in the house. As he drove away, his phone lit up in the cup holder with a series of texts from her, and he hoped she was telling the truth when she said she wouldn't stop.

----------------------------

Five months later...

"Are you really this nervous to see her again?" Natasha asked him as they walked through JFK airport together. "You've talked to her everyday for months. Hell, you flew out to see her for a weekend in March."

Bob blushed as he thought about those three days when he'd been here during a late winter snowstorm that kept him and Nova inside her apartment for most of the weekend. She'd hardly let him out of her bed. And while they weren't dating, not exactly, Bob knew he wanted to be.

"Yeah, I'm a little nervous. She has no idea I'm here for her graduation. Do you know how hard it was to lie to her?"

Nat laughed as they walked outside in the May sunlight to get a cab to Nova's apartment. Bob was slightly afraid she'd be upset when they got there. Or maybe there would be evidence of another guy. It might break his heart, but he'd have to accept it. But he just couldn't get past that night they spent together during Hanukkah, and he'd been falling in love with her since then. Even over the phone.

"I'm sure she'll be happier to see you than me," Nat told him. It seemed like no time passed at all before they were pulling up to the building he'd only seen once when it was surrounded by a layer of snow. 

He got out of the cab and stood awkwardly on the sidewalk as Natasha got her phone out. She looked up at him with a smile as she called her sister. "I'm here," she said before looking at the blank screen. "She screamed and then hung up."

Bob laughed nervously with his backpack on and Nat's hand rubbing his arm in a soothing circle. "If she's not excited to see me, I'll just get a hotel room or try to exchange my ticket for something earlier," he mumbled. 

But the next thing he knew, Nova was throwing open the door to her building. She barely looked at her sister before she gasped, "Bob!" and launched herself down the stairs and into his arms. 

"Hi," he whispered as she clung to the front of him and shamelessly kissed his lips and neck right in front of her sister. "I missed you."

She moaned softly and wrapped her arms around him as she let her cheek rest on his chest. "You brought me Bob? Is he my graduation present?" she asked Natasha as Bob ran his fingers through her hair and chuckled.

"Something like that," she replied, reaching for the key that was still in Nova's hand. "I'll meet the two of you inside." 

As Nat let herself in the building, Nova looked up at him. "You lied to me. You said you had to work this weekend."

"I'm sorry," he whispered. "I'll never do it again." She was melting into his touch as he cleared his throat and added, "I know you're still going on interviews and trying to decide on a job, but I took next week off just in case I could persuade you to come back to San Diego for a bit."

She smiled. "Now why would I want to do that?"

Bob shrugged. "I just really think we should go on those three dates before I ask you to be my girlfriend."

"Starlite. Mission Hills Rooftop Theater. Cliffs beach," she said softly.

"In that order," he confirmed. "But I'd be taking you home with me after each one."

"Then yes."

---------------------------

Happy Holidays! I'll be thinking about Bob and Nova through the New Year. Thanks to @mak-32 @beyondthesefourwalls and @ryebecca

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[star-girl69]

Guilty Pleasure

Caroline (KK) Harvey x Fem!Reader

—-

synopsis: after weeks full of stress and homework, all you want to do is have a nice evening with your girlfriend. but it’s hard to let yourself do that when she’s working herself to death to prepare for hockey championships.

a/n: wow i’m a genius… based off of this ask!! i hope you all enjoy!! STREAM TOUGH BY LANA AND QUAVO‼️‼️‼️

a few notes:

shoutout to my wonderful sister wife @lovinpelova read her kk fic it’s amazing ILY AND OUR WIFE 🫶

and rip to laila’s ability to go live 💔💔

Guilty Pleasure - Chappell Roan

warnings: NOT PROOFREAD, i don’t know anything about college please spare me, college scares me, i’m scared, anyways, texting if that triggers y’all, the tiniest bit of angst, y/n is kinda like insecure and all self deprecating LOL, umm a little bit of kissing, hurt/comfort!!!!!!!! kinda!!!!, swearing, ending sucks so bad, this sucks, whatever, i think that’s all let me know if i missed anything!!

—-

“Y/N,” your roommate groans into the stillness of your room. Besides for the natural humming of the building, it’s midnight, a school night, and the dorms are mostly silent. “Y/N, please. Turn off the lights and go to bed. You can’t keep studying, babe.”

“I’m sorry,” you mutter, standing up from your desk and flicking the light switch on the wall. You hear your roommate, Jackie, let out a sigh of relief.

Immediately, you sit back down, flipping the desk lamp on.

“Ugh, no, babe. That’s not what I meant- you need to sleep.”

“I have to study.”

Jackie had it so easy- you’ve never seen her study for any test, ever, yet she always comes back with 90’s on whatever assignment it is. Not you. No, you work your ass off and get an 80- if you’re lucky.

“You’ve been studying all weekend,” she groans. “You can’t do anything about it now, trust me. Whatever happens, happens. All you can do now is sleep.”

You’re silent, trying to cram just a few more vocab words into your head.

“Y/N, please!”

A pillow hits your head.

“Bitch!” You yell, glaring at her. Maybe you did really think she would be smiling at you, but she’s not. She’s looking at you with real concern in her eyes.

“Babe. I can see the dark circles under your eyes from here.”

And if you’re honest, the words on the pages are starting to blur, you can’t process anything- you know she’s right. You’re not helping yourself at this point, but you’re too scared to just give up and go to bed. What if you stay up for one more minute and it completely saves your ass tomorrow?

“Maybe you should call KK?” Jackie says, tentatively, but you’re not even looking at her anymore. “I won’t even complain that you’re whispering.”

“She’s probably asleep,” you mutter. “She texted me today, they had a really hard practice.”

“Yeah, but she’ll answer if you call. We both know she will.”

“No, I’m not bothering her. I’ll go to bed, okay?”

You meet Jackie’s eyes, and she looks you up and down.

“Okay.”

But she doesn’t settle, not when you’ve flicked the light off. You can see her when your eyes adjust, she doesn’t lay down until she sees you in bed, covers pulled up to your chin.

It’s only when you finally firmly squeeze your eyes shut that you hear the rustling of her settling into bed.

“Goodnight,” she murmurs, concern in her voice.

“Goodnight,” you say back.

She’s right. She’s completely right about everything.

She’s close with KK and the rest of the team you’ve come to known like family just like you. KK would answer you. She always has notifications turned on for you and you for her.

And there’s nothing else you can do about this test tomorrow, you’re confident you’ll at least pass it, but since you’re not doing any sports like almost everyone else at this school, you feel like you should at least have better grades. But you just… don’t.

As you wrap your arms around yourself in the darkness, hoping Jackie’s eyes are closed and she can’t see you, all you can do is think about Caroline.

—-

hockey queen: r u still coming over??

you: yes ofc do u hate me and want me to die????

hockey queen: no ily ❤️

you: ilyt i’m getting food tn btw

hockey queen: ok babe wtvr u want 😍

After days of turning down every invitation to go out, after forcing yourself to stay home and feeling Jackie’s disapproving eyes on you every time you stayed up late- your last class of the week had finished.

It was Friday afternoon, the sky starting to turn a pretty grey that let you know rain was coming. This entire week had felt like a battle in the long war that was college, and you desperately needed a night in with a movie and some takeout to replenish yourself for the next week-long battle.

And you needed that night to be with Caroline. Desperately. Even though you knew she was working herself just as hard, with your workload and her busy hockey schedule these Friday nights were sacred, and weekly.

No one ever skipped a Friday night.

Even when you were under the weather with the most horrible headache you’ve ever been plagued with, Caroline still came over and rubbed you temples, talked to you to distract you in a soft voice and let you drool on her when you finally did fall asleep.

Even when Caroline was so exhausted from a hard practice, and all she had the strength to do was brush her teeth and change into sweats, you let her pass out on top of you and stayed put the rest of the night, rubbing her back, just to make sure she got her rest.

With championships coming up, you’re sure tonight will be another night in which KK is barely functioning, but as long as she’s just there, tangible, you’ll be fine.

That’s what you tell yourself, even as you walk across campus, letting your mind guiltily wander to you just finally stopping for one second, slowing down and confiding in her how fucking exhausted you were.

The rational part of you knew she would understand. But the insecure, childish part of you that was scared you’ll be seen as too needy, too much, overpowered everything else.

You needed whatever bit of Caroline she would give you.

You sighed, kicking a stick on the concrete path away at a particularly vivid fantasy of you absolutely sobbing in her arms. And it’s not like you haven’t cried in front of her before- what scared you about this guilty fantasy was how good it felt, even in this daydream, to let her in.

She works so hard. You can’t dump yourself onto her either.

—-

jacked 💪: do i have the dorm to myself tn??

you: yes 🤗

jacked 💪: inviting sexy boy from econ over

you: use protection ily

jacked 💪: BITCH ilyt

KK and Laila had the cutest apartment that wasn’t too far away, with a really pretty view out onto a street with lots of lights that almost made it feel like new york city.

Unfortunately, the rest of the apartment really did feel like the apartment of two college girls. There was perpetually dishes in the sink, the weirdest posters and inside jokes plastered onto the walls- you didn’t even try to understand them.

Laila likes to joke that she knows when it’s time to clean based on how bad your reaction is when you walk in. She decides they can go a few more days without cleaning. You roll your eyes, eating your takeout at the counter while you wait for your girlfriend to get out of the shower.

When she finally does emerge from her room, her slightly curly hair in its prettiest slightly wet form, dressed in comfy clothes- something immediately squeezes inside of your chest.

Maybe it’s your heart. Or maybe it’s a physical manifesting of nerves and guilt in that’s made its home in your chest. Whatever.

You can see the tiredness on her face when she walks over to where you sit, wrapping her arms around you and kissing your cheek.

You ignore Lalia’s exaggerated gag.

“Come with me,” KK murmurs into your ear, and you don’t need to be told twice, stuffing your keys into your pocket and following her.

“Don’t be too loud!” Laila shouts after you, looking into the fridge to find a snack- you all know that fridge is in desperate need of a restock and a deep clean- “There are other people in this apartment, okay?”

“Shut up!” KK responds, holding onto your arm tightly and shutting the door behind you.

—-

After putting on some random movie from Netflix in the background, you were all too happy to throw yourself onto KK’s comfy bed, smiling when she let out an exaggerated groan, collapsing face down next to you.

“Aw, hard practice?” You fake cooed, and she nodded into her pillows. You played with a damp curl, twisting it between your fingers.

“So many bag skates,” she moaned. “I lost count. I swear I almost died. I saw the gates of Heaven.”

“Poor baby.”

“Yes,” she muttered in agreement, grabbing your hand playing with her hair and pressing it up against her face so she could trap you between her face and the pillow. “Everything hurts.”

The only light came from the flickering movie, and you could barely even hear it as you stared at her face. You press a kiss to her cheek and she smiles, and you sit up even as your own exhausted body screams at you.

She frowns when you take your hand away from her face, but doesn’t seem as bothered anymore when you straddle her legs and softly start to massage her shoulders.

“I love you,” she whispers, eyes falling shut. “Oh, my God, you could become a masseuse.”

You laugh, relishing in how intimate this moment feels, holding onto the feeling in your chest that erupted when she said “I love you” it’s not possible to feel guilt in this moment, shrouded in a haze that might be because of your droopy eyes but you tell yourself it’s because you love this girl so much.

“I haven’t seen you all week,” Caroline says after a second.

“I know,” you say after a long moment. Thinking of those long nights when you wanted to be selfish so bad. When you wanted her all to yourself. “Sorry. I’ve had, like, a lot of homework lately and stuff.”

“But the worst is over now?”

You heart squeezes at the hopeful edge to her tone.

It’s hard to find times when your schedules match. It hurts you, you know it hurts her, and sometimes these Fridays are the only thing that can keep you sane. You might actually end up in a mental hospital.

“Oh, um… I dunno. Hopefully, sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry,” she says, biting back a yawn. “I jus’ miss you.”

“I miss you too,” you say, so quietly it’s almost like a confession. “Okay, I’m sorry, I’m about to fall asleep,” you groan, slipping off of her and back onto the bed.

Laying on your side so you’re facing her, you watch as she opens her eyes and smiles at you in that sweet, slightly goofy way you fell in love with.

She reaches out and softly touches your under eyes, where you know there’s noticeable dark circles. She frowns, ever-so-slightly, and the unspoken question is thick in the air.

“Jackie keeps getting all pissed off at me,” you say, breaking the silence, making sure she doesn’t ask that question: “have you been sleeping?” You’re fine. You’re fine. “She thinks I’m studying too much but no matter how many times I tell her I’m studying a pretty normal amount- she won’t let it go.”

“Are you studying a normal amount?”

There’s a slight teasing smile on her face, so you roll your eyes.

“Yes. I stay up a little late, like, once and it’s like it’s the end of the world.”

It’s not just once, and it’s not just a little late, but KK is so tired, you can see it on her face.

She laughs. “Jackie jus’ loves you,” she says after a yawn.

“Too much, maybe.”

She puts her arm around you, tugging you closer to her. “You deserve all the love in the world, baby.”

You smile like a cheesy schoolgirl. “Okay,” you say, pressing a short kiss to her lips. “Go to bed, please. You can barely keep your eyes open and it’s actually kinda scary.”

“Come here,” she groans, pulling you even closer until you’re pressed up right against her.

And before you can even think about what you’re doing, you let out a sigh and press your face into her neck. This might be your favorite place- where you can feel her heartbeat and the way her arm is wrapped around you.

Your chest squeezes when everything fades out for a second, tiredness you didn’t feel until you were in her arms suddenly coming out in the form of a yawn.

“Damn, you’re tired,” she whispers, and you can hear the smile in her voice. You try to mumble “so are you” but it comes out as an incoherent mumble that she chuckles at.

Just as you faintly realize that comforting sensation is her hand in your hair, scratching your head, guilt consumes you. She’s been working so hard at practice- and here she is comforting you? You’re not going to national championships like her. You’re not doing anything important- you’re just tired from getting mediocre grades.

Sluggish, you moan and try to move out of her comfort, something inside of you screaming that you don’t deserve it, but she only mistakes it as you shifting in your sleep and softly shushes you.

And just as you push off sleep enough to try and get out, her breathing evens out. So, you fall asleep press tightly into her arms, feeling so guilty you think it might actually destroy you.

—-

hockey queen: hi baby practice finished early can i come over?

…

hockey queen: are u studying

hockey queen: babe pls i’m bored

hockey queen: ok i’m coming over deal w it

You set your pen down, staring at the scribbles in the margins of your assignment- the actual questions still blank. You sigh, feeling pressure behind your eyes that you try not to let spill.

“Fuck,” you whisper, putting your head into your hands and allowing yourself one guilty moment to wallow in self-pity before you finish this fucking assignment.

It’s still early, but you know you should have done this simple one page of work before tackling the endless pages of review for another test you have tomorrow- now you’re so tired you can barely see, and your hand is cramping.

You softly scrunch your dominant hand into a fist before spreading it out flat, almost wincing at how sore it is. Is it even possible for your hand to be this sore? Covered in smudged ink, you debate going to the bathroom and washing your hands. Maybe you need to walk around, then you can get this one page done.

But all you can think about is that stupid test tomorrow, and maybe you should stay up late again, screw Jackie’s concern, study more-

The first tear that drops onto your paper shocks you a bit. And you feel so stupid for crying in the first place that you start crying more.

Pressing your face into your hands, you’re too tired to try and stop the tears, just letting them fall. Your mind races with thoughts of that stupid test, this stupid assignment- and some rational part of you knows that this is unhealthy- but it’s college, and it kinda feels like everything you do is a precursor for your adult life.

If you can’t juggle tests and homework- how are you going to juggle bills and work? Simple housework?

Someone knocks on the door.

You freeze for a moment, feeling your makeup run streaky down your face, eyes still full of tears and mascara messy-

“Y/N?”

Oh, fuck. Fuck. You know that voice, you know KK’s voice, you can hear her perfectly through the door.

And you’re just stupidly, completely frozen.

Maybe because part of you wants to just run into her arms.

And before you can make up some lie or do anything to get her to go away, she just opens the door, and you quickly turn away.

“Oh. Y/N,” she says, obviously very confused. “I figured you weren’t in here. Did you see my texts?”

“Uh,” you start, and you know immediately that she can hear the sadness in your voice. “No, sorry. I’ve been studying.”

“What happened?” She asks, and you would laugh at the way she looks around the room, almost as if someone is going to jump out. “You’re crying.”

“No,” you fake laugh, standing up. “Give me a second, there’s something in my eye-”

She grabs your wrist.

“Please don’t lie to me.”

The sincerity and love in her voice makes you cry more.

“It’s nothing, I’m fine. I’m just a little overwhelmed with school, I’ve had some late nights, it’s stupid that I’m crying over this. Seriously, babe, thank you- but it’s not that big of a deal.”

She’s got this kinda heartbroken look on her face, and you love her so much- you feel even more guilty for making her feel like this, for being the cause of the frown on her face, and you just want to go back in time and stop all of this from happening.

“…It is a big deal if it’s making you cry.”

You can’t say anything.

She wipes a few tears from your face. “You look exhausted, baby. I didn’t want to say anything because I know you’ve had a lot going on with school, but I know you, I know you’re tired and I think maybe-”

“I’ve had a few late nights, okay?” You finally meet her eyes, trying to convince her that you’re okay, because you feel so stupid and vulnerable and you can’t stand it when she has that concerned look in her eyes for you. “Like, not even that late. 2 A.M. isn’t even that bad. I mean, it’s not like it pays off, because my grades are still shit- but, whatever. It’s fine. I’m fine, okay? I’m sorry, I’m just not thinking straight, and- it’s fine. It’s fine.”

“You’re not fuckin’ fine, Y/N. Stop saying that, why are you pushing me away? You can tell me anything, I love you.”

She’s dropped her bag by now, her entire attention focused on you, one arm wrapped around your waist as if you might run away from her and the other softly brushing away the tears that continue to fall.

“I try so hard,” you say after a second. “I study so much. And I… I just can’t get good grades. And I just… I feel so guilty all the time, because I just want to spend time with you and I love you so much but you work so hard and I just don’t want to be another thing for you to deal with.”

And once it’s finally out, not curled up in your chest like a second heart leeching on the very essence of your being, the tears dry up.

Caroline softly smiles.

“What?” You ask, sniffling a bit, one step away from crying again.

“It’s just- how could you ever think that you would be something for me to “deal” with?”

“I dunno,” you say, slightly pouty as she helps you sit down next to her.

“You’re my favorite person in the entire world. I love you more than anything- even hockey, which is saying a lot. You’re never something for me to deal with, and I don’t do anything but smile anytime someone says your name, or you text me, or I get to see you- I’m sorry that it really sucks right now, with my schedule, and that you were feeling like this and I had no idea- but I really fucking love you.”

You smile softly. “You’re sweet,” you murmur, legs intertwining with hers. “I fucking love you too.”

She places her hand on the side of her face and kisses your nose.

“Don’t ever feel guilty for wanting to spend time with me. I’m never too tired for you. Besides, do you know what I think about during practice?”

“What’s right in front of you face?” You quip.

“Well, that, but also you. And, also, I don’t know what the hell you’re talking about with your grades. Don’t you have like an 89 in each class?”

“It’s not a 90,” you groan.

“Still better than me, I’m like all 85’s. And, you’re literally the only reason I’m passing that one class that I hate who’s name I don’t speak.”

You smile, angling yourself to face her, finding that you can’t think of anything poetic to say to tell her how much she means to you, so you just kiss her. Long and slow, trying to pour as much appreciation and emotion into it as possible.

“Okay, game plan, I help you finish whatever work you have, then have you eaten? I’ll get us food. Then, you’re going to go to sleep early, okay?”

“It’s a plan,” you say, standing up and crossing the room to that one piece of paper, tear stain dried on it.

Her face spurs adorably just at the sight of the homework from her least favorite class. “Oh, you’re gonna love me. Don’t worry, I got the answers from the really smart girl I sit next to.” She takes out her own sheet of homework from her bag on the floor, smoothing out the wrinkles on her thigh before proudly handing it to you.

“Hm, I do love you. Just a bit.”

“I’m pretending I didn’t hear that.”

And later that night, with your homework finally done, takeout boxes in the trash bin, and your head on Caroline’s chest- heartbeat in your ears, her lips on the top of you head- it feels impossible to feel guilty about loving her.

—-

Jackie walks in late, groaning to herself about the stupid kid in her study group who asks the most common sense questions- she quickly shuts up when she realizes you’re asleep in your bed.

“Thank God,” she breaths, grateful that she didn’t find you hunched over at the desk again.

She squints into the darkness, quickly realizing there’s two figures on her bed, and the other one is very familiar-

“What did I say?” Jackie mutters to herself. “Insufferably in love with each other.”

Then, she quickly snaps a picture before getting ready for bed herself.

—-

[lostbookmark]

Masterlist

MDNI 18+

Summary: After four years your sister's ex-boyfriend comes back into your life. Can you keep your entanglement a secret? Will the guilt eat you alive? 

Pairing:  Sisters ex Yoongi x Insecure F. Reader. 

Genre: SMUT, angst, hurt - comfort, romance. 

Warning: Explicit sex, fingering, Possessive Yoongi, swearing, reader is insecure, jealousy, punishment, unprotected sex, drinking, dirty talk, praising, very light degradation, spanking, spanking as punishment, teasing, hair pulling, arguments. Overuse of the name, baby.

A/N Edited by me aka I just throw commas in and see if my document corrects it. 

Yoongi is a bit…mean(ish) in this one. 

Yay!! I have the next 2 chapters written. Posting will be every Sunday US time. 

A little SMUT under the cut. 

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Kevin….Kris….Kihyun. No, none of those names sound right. He's good-looking and easy on the eyes, pretty smile but boring as hell. It's been a week since Yoongi took you home after the intense night you shared. You had stayed the night, and the next morning, you made up an excuse for needing to get home. You were scared to stay longer, afraid he would kick you out. He never questioned you or begged you to stay.  You exchanged numbers, but he never contacted you. You felt defeated.  You didn't tell anyone. Not Lisa or Jisoo. They would never let you live it down. Maybe this is why you let Lisa talk you into showing up at the “hot guy she ditched you for” house party. His name is Jimin. He seemed okay, you guess, but you haven't really gotten to know him. Her love interests never last long. Key…Kang…Kyle. That's it! You think his name is Kyle. 

“I just got back from Milan,” Kyle boasts. He is giving you what you think is probably his most charming smile. “I'll be heading to London again soon. Got quite a few photoshoots lined up. Mostly magazines, but I got a commercial too. I even have some contacts for Paris fashion week. I'm going to be a big deal.”

You really don't care, and you know that sounds mean. Why did Lisa introduce you to him? Did she really think you would hit it off with him?  Damn Lisa for making you come here. Damn Yoongi for not calling or texting you. Damn him for making the feel of his touch still linger on your skin.  Did you do something wrong? Were you just bad at sex. You know that you are pretty inexperienced, but it seemed like he enjoyed himself. He even cuddled you after he cleaned up with a warm washcloth. He was a pure gentleman. He even ran a hot shower for you as he made a quick snack afterward. You may or may not have tried to remember the brand of his shampoo. After some light bickering, he let you sleep on his side of the bed.  So, why didn't he call? Was there someone else? Oh my god! Were you the side piece? Of course, someone like Yoongi would have someone waiting for him.   

“Lisa said that you two have been friends since you were young. You work together too, right? ” Key…no Kyle said and you nod your head.

“Yeah, umm..” You started but were interrupted.  

“Baby,” you turn to see Yoongi staring daggers at you. How the hell did he know you were here? You're pretty sure that your jaw is on the floor right now. Yoongi places himself right behind you. He rests his chin against your shoulder and hands coming together around your stomach. “Who's your friend?” Why does he say it so calmly despite his glaring eyes? 

You freeze, your body rigid, and can't say anything.  One week, it's been one week, and now he's right here. You don't know what to say. Are you supposed to throw yourself at him after he ignores you? You wish you could throw a shitty comment his way, but you don't. It's not who you are. You wish you could tell him that since he isn't interested, maybe you will go home with Kyle. He looks at you and Kevin…no Kyle impatiently. His glare, thankfully, is fully on Kyle now, and you don't want it back on you. Nope, you are definitely not going to say that, even if it’s a lie. 

“Hey man, I'm Kai,” Kai that's his name! You knew it started with a k. “Didn't know she had a boyfriend. Lisa lied to me. Sorry about that.” Kai apologized and rushed out of there. Literally, he walked away as fast as his legs could carry him. You wish he would take you with him. Technically, you guess Lisa didn't lie. 

You turn in his arms to look at Yoongi fully. He looks pissed. You don't know if you should be scared, angry, or turned on. Is it possible to be all three? His eyes looked hard, unlike a week ago. It seems like such a long time ago. Maybe it was just a fever dream, and you made it all up. This Yoongi is different, and it is making you anxious. 

“We're leaving,” he breathes heavily in your ear. 

He takes your hand and threads your fingers through each other. He starts heading for the door, and you have no option but to follow him. You don't want to fight him and cause a scene. You try looking around for Lisa, hoping you spot her. You don't see her, but you do catch a glimpse of Kyle…Kai chatting up another girl. She seems thoroughly excited about it. Good for her. Looks like you probably dodged a bullet there. When you get through the door, you notice his car just down the street a little ways. Lisa picked you up earlier, and now you're kicking yourself for it. Yoogi practically rips the car door open and looks at you expectantly.  He holds the door with one hand while his other is on his hip. 

“What are you waiting for?” He asked. His stare is still cold. “Do you want me to go get Kai for you? Do you need him to help you?” 

“Wh…what? No, why would I…” you were cut off.  

“Get in, baby. I'm already mad, don't make me tell you again,” he told you.

With one last look back at the house, you get in the car. The same car and spot you sat in a week ago. God, a week ago, you were shivering with anticipation. Now, you were confused and honestly a little scared. Where was he, and why was he acting like you had done something wrong? You knew deep down that Yoongi would never do anything to hurt you. However, this is a side of him you have never seen. You didn’t see it years ago either when he was still with your sister. Even during their fights at the end of their relationship.  You even spent a lot of alone time with him back then, annoying him. He never snapped at you. When you couldn't figure out how to parallel park, he never snapped at you. When Lisa got you drunk at homecoming and he had to pick the two of you up, he never snapped at you. He never did anything like this. 

“Cold?” He asks you. You're rubbing your hands together. 

“A little,” you answer softly. You want him to grab your hands and warm them with his own. Instead he cranks the heat. 

The only sound in the car was from the radio and the heat blowing on your cold fingers. You don't know what the song playing is, but the deep bass is slow. It's almost comforting. You want to close your eyes and drift to sleep. Maybe if you go to sleep right now, you'll wake back up in his bed, and you can redo everything. Obviously, that's not possible. Your eyes slide over to him. He's concentrating on the road, and there's a small tick in his jaw. His hand had stayed on the steering wheel. His knuckles were white with his grip. He didn't touch you, not even once. You want to cry. What did you do? Why is he so mad? How did he find you there? What did you do?  The song on the speakers switched to something less moody, and your eyes moved to look out the passenger window. The sky is clear, the stars shine bright and twinkling in the late night sky. You didn't care for it.  Not even one little bit. 

That soft yellow glow of the bedroom was exactly the same. So were his sheets and pillows. The memories were completely vivid and fresh in your mind. The sound of your skin slapping together, his grunts and your gasps. The way he held you when you drifted off to sleep.  You look at Yoongi sitting on the corner of his bed staring at you. His elbows resting on his knees and his right knee bouncing slightly You can't tell what he is thinking. You stand next to a large desk in his room. You think he must use it for work. There's messy paper everywhere and pens scattered all around. You try to focus and see what's on the paper but can't make out the scribbles. Poems, maybe? Does he write? You can't remember if he ever mentioned wanting to write back then. Maybe you didn't pay close enough attention. 

“Look at me,” he snaps at you. Your eyes immediately obey his command. “What were you doing  there with Kai?” Yoongi spits his name out in disgust.  

“I…I..Lisa introduced us. We were just talking,” you said softly. “I don't know him.” 

“So, you were just going to go off and fuck someone you don't know?” He asked and you were taken back. He was basically snarling at you. 

“NO!” You cried out. “I wasn't.”  You were getting worked up. “Why do you care? I haven't even heard from you in a week.” You shocked yourself by actually saying that outloud. Shit. You can't take it back now. 

Yoongi didn't seem amused by your outburst. Cracking his neck, he stood up from the bed and stalked up to you. You wanted to take a step back, but that messy desk prevented you from doing so. Yoongi rests both his hands on the desk, caging you in. His breathing and the sound of your own heart beating in your ears ring loudly in your ears. He runs the tip of his nose against the shell of your ear. Goosebumps race down your arms. Your body betrays you, wanting you to give into him. 

“You know,” he whispers in your ear. “The phone works both ways, baby. Get on your knees.” 

You swallow thickly. You aren't exactly sure what he means. Right here on the floor? On the bed? You decide not to make him wait and drop to the floor right in front of him. Are you supposed to undo his pants? Is that what he wants? You have never given a blow job before. Maybe you can fake it and figure it out as you go. You’ve seen porn. Just don't bite him, and you'll be fine. Your hands reach up and start to undo his belt around his hips. Yoongi chuckles a humorless laugh as he swats your hands away.  Oh, that's not what he meant. Tears well in your eyes out of embarrassment. 

“On the bed. On your knees, ass up,”  he snickers at you. 

You stand up slowly and walk with your head down to the bed. You don't want him to see the unshed tears or your embarrassed face. You know it's red. Your knees hit his mattress, the sheets are still soft. You lean down onto your elbows as you look at him, and he shakes his head at you. God, you probably look like such an idiot for not knowing what to do.  Yoongi walks over to you and puts his hands on the back of your shoulders, and pushes you gently down. Your chest and the side of your face meet the bed. He turns your head gently to look at the other side of the room. There's nothing to see over there besides his closet.  You feel the dress that you're wearing starts to rise up. Yoongi next adjusts your hands. Making sure that your fingers are interlocked above your head. You feel him get closer to your face. His breath tickles your ear. 

“Are you okay?” He asks you.

“Yes,” you say meekly. 

“Good. Stop me anytime,” he tells you as he kisses below your ear. “You thought I was ignoring you? You think that’s why I didn't call you?” He asks, but you don't answer. You can feel him slip your dress completely up and over your ass as he stands behind you. “Yes or no, baby?” 

“Yes,” SMACK! As soon as you answer, he spanks you. It wasn't overly hard but just enough to sting. Your body goes rigid, and your eyes widen comically in surprise. Oh! You honestly were not expecting that.

You wait for him to say something, but you're just met with silence. You don't feel his presence near you. You strain your ears to try and listen for him. Did he leave the room?  

“Y..Yo..Yoongi?” you asked softly and he didn't respond.

Suddenly, there was a tick…tick..tick noise in the room.  Slowly, you turn your head, and you see him sitting at his desk. His shirt is off, hair beautifully messy,  pants undone, but nothing obscene showing. Tick…tick…tick. It's one of those music things, a metronome you think it's called. The pendulum swings back and forth again and again. Tick… tick…tick. Yoongi is watching you kneel on the bed while playing with it in his hands. He almost looks bored. 

“Turn back around,” he tells you slowly. You turn your head back around. Tick…tick…tick. “You know what i was thinking all week?” He asks you. “I thought I was a horrible person. Did I force you here? Did I make you do something you didn't want? You wanted out of here so bad the next morning I thought you were going to have a panic attack.” 

The chair groans a little bit. You can only assume that he got up. You can hear the clicking of his belt buckle as if he's walking to you. You anticipate his touch, but again, nothing. Tick…tick…tick.  The oscillating noise is putting you on edge. The sound of his belt tells you he's close. Your breath is starting to come out as pants as adrenaline starts to flow through you. Your interlaced fingers twitching. 

“I wanted to give you space. I see that was the wrong thing to do. Why didn't you get a hold of me, baby?” He asked. You still can't see him.  

“I didn't want to bother you,” you mumble. SMACK! SMACK! You press your hands together tightly and screw your eyes shut.  Tears blurred your vision as they started to fall. You sucked in a shuddering breath.

“You could never bother me. Instead of talking to me, you decided to ignore me to fuck around with Kai? How do you think that makes me feel?” His voice raises some. SMACK! His hand gently starts rubbing your reddened cheek. Soothing the stinging with his cool palm. You hear him take a deep breath.  “Are you okay?”

“Yes,” you say through tears. “I'm fine.” You really were. “I didn't…” 

“What?” Yoongi asks. His hand is still gently rubbing your reddened skin. 

“I thought you realized you made a mistake. I thought maybe I wasn't good enough for you. I'm not like my sister,” you hiccuped. You pressed your hands tightly together before he delivered the next smack. It never came. Tick…tick…tick.  

“Why would you compare yourself to her? Why didn't you say anything?” He asked. His hand stroked some hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear. The strands were wet from tears. 

“Have you met me,” you try to joke through tears. You highly doubt Yoongi thinks it's funny. Yoongi leaned over to look at your tear stained face. Bending down, he kissed the tears away. You close your eyes and welcome him. He's here. The soft, gentle Yoongi is here now. 

Yoongi moved again and stood behind you. He hooked his fingers into your underwear and slowly slid them down your legs. His fingertips tickled the outside of your thighs as they traveled down. He lifted your knees one at a time so he could completely remove them from your body. Then, nothing. Why does he keep disappearing on you? You were tempted to turn and look for him again. Tick…tick..tick. Suddenly, his tongue is on you. You close your eyes and sigh, escape your lips , and fingers tighten together.  You push your hips back against his face to get him closer. His tongue swirls magical circles against your bundle of nerves.  One week, and you realize how much you missed this. How starved for his touch you were. You should have made the first move. This all could have been avoided. He was right. You didn't think about how he felt.  You shouldn't have gotten in your own head. You always get in your own head. Yoongi pulls away. Disappointment floods through your body.  Disappointment doesn't last, though. You hear his belt rattling, and pants hit the ground. He roughly pulls your body to him in one smooth move. Your own clothed back to his naked front. He gently tangles his hand in your hair, pulling your head back. Just like that, gentle Yoongi is gone.  Dipping his head, he slants his mouth over yours. Tongue demanding entrance. You relax and press your tongue against his, tasting yourself on him.  Soon, he lets go of your lips and hands roughly yank your dress down to your waist. You thrust your hips back with an arch of your back. He's hard. 

“Still good?” He asks again, hands and slowly coming up to cup your naked breasts. His fingers tweak your nipple. It sends a jolt right down to your core. 

“Yes, Yoongi,” you reply somewhat breathlessly. 

Yoongi pushes you forward so you were down on the bed again. Chest flush with the bed, ass in the air. His hands grip your hips, bringing you back to him. You feel him run his cock up and down your wet folds. Dipping the head in and taking it back out. He does this several times and it's driving you mad. You try to swivel your hips but he completely backs off with an airy laugh. SMACK! He slaps your ass once more. Grabbing your hair again, he pulls you up   savagely against him. His arm crosses over your chest, hand on your shoulder. He's supporting your weight against him. You tilt your head back to rest on his shoulder. Chest rising and falling with every pant of your breath. 

“I should have fucked you in front of him,” he hisses in your ear. “That way you wouldn't have to doubt me again. Everyone at that party would know your mine now. Kai….Lisa….Jimin.” 

 Yoongi's free hand cups your pussy, giving you teasing strokes. Teasing just like before. Fingers enter you shallowly just to pull back quickly. You look at him and you don't even have time to question him before he's answering you. 

“How do you think I found you tonight? We work together, baby. He likes talking about Lisa.” He explains with a chuckle. “Lisa… she likes to talk about setting her pretty little friend up with a date, but her friend is kind of shy. I took the chance that she was talking about you. Lucky me, huh,” Yoongi answers you as his fingers finally start pumping into you. Your wet, you thought maybe too, went given the situation. Your noises make it obvious how much you are enjoying this. “Too bad you're not available. Kai was pretty good-looking.” 

“Please, I'm sorry. I need you. Yoongi, please,” you beg him. Yoongi kisses your neck. Lightly sucking on your sweat slicked skin as his fingers pump into you faster. Marking you, making you his.

Yoongi lets his grip on you go. You fall to the bed and scramble to get back onto your knees in front of him. You lift your head and look over your shoulder at him. Trying to beg him with your eyes to do something…anything.  Tick…tick…tick. Yoongi finally grips your hips and pulls you back to him. Leaning over you, he places you exactly like he had you before. Chest flush with the bed, hands above your head. Rubbing your red marks with his hand, he deals one more blow before he sinks all the way into you. You sigh. He feels like home. 

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Tagged reader

@unicornbabylover

[jihyoruri]

— TWILIGHT & JEALOUSLY: KIM CHAEWON. warnings: swearing, wow!kim chaewon x wow!yn i suggest you read my other wow fics before this one they’re in my masterlist <3

chaewon has been going insane since the last time yujin, wonyoung and yn came over, she didn’t understand why yujin and wonyoung got so tense at the mention of yn hanging out with winter, but she wanted to know why.

she will admit that she probably shouldn’t have brought up yn’s business like that, but she just wanted yn’s attention so bad, yn was giving so much to kazuha that it made her feel insecure, the way you were acting with kazuha was the same way you acted with her when you guys first interacted, you can say chaewon thought she was special, but she should’ve known especially that day she caught yn and minji at hybe, but that was also the same day yn gave her the star ring so can you really blame her?

she hates the way yn fills her mind, the way yn looked at her that day, like she was mad at her, everywhere she goes something reminds her of you, which is why today was such a coincidence.

chaewon was walking out the cafe when she saw yn in all of her glory, you were leaning against on of the walls and chaewon stood rigid.

her gaze burned into yn scanning the girl, the top that stopped a little bit above her bellybutton, the way the baggy pants hung low on her hips showing the star tattoo on your lower abdominal, the baseball cap that hides the girls cat like eyes.

why does she have to look good all of the time? chaewon thought to herself as she stared at you not even realizing that you caught her.

chaewon cringes when she snaps out of her daze only to make eye contact with you, she doesn’t know what to do, turn the other way? yeah that’s a good option.

before chaewon can try and turn around you make a motion for the girl to come over, she turns to take a look behind her before turning back to yn and pointing towards herself, which you respond with a nod and an eye roll.

chaewon timidly walks towards you, she’s only now realizing how tall yn is, she takes notice that she’s right under your chin when reaches she you.

“yes…” she trails off, feeling a bit intimidated.

“I should be asking you that.” your deeper voice fills her eras, “I mean you’re the one that was staring at me.”

she looks up at you and scratches the back of her neck, “I was just shocked to see you here… also the last time I saw you, you seemed pretty mad at me.”

chaewon’s hands practically shake when all yn does is stare at her, she feels a little scared, that was until yn’s laugh is heard.

she looks at you confused as you continue to laugh, “you’re so cute unnie.”

chaewon feels her face heat up in embarrassment, “cute? I should be the one calling you cute, I’m older.” she says in faux anger, glaring up at you.

you lean down towards her with a smile, “then call me cute.” yn say’s teasingly.

chaewon’s face was about as red as a fire truck, “what are you doing here anyways?” she asks trying her best to cool down her face and that’s when she finally takes notice of the plastic bag in your hand.

“I was at my moms today and she told me to bring my sister some food.” you say waving the bag in the shorter girls face.

sister?

as if you could read her mind, you let a deep sigh, “you know that one in new jeans? the annoying creature with a twilight obsession.”

chaewon wants to laugh at your description but holds it down, she opens her mouth to say something but gets cut off by a voice, “unnie!”

both you and chaewon turn your heads to see two members of newjeans with their arms linked together, one being your sister and the other being her member minji.

“did you bring the food?” you sister asks, a bright smile lighting up on her face when you give her the bag before giving you a side hug. “thank you.”

“ew, you’re sweaty.” yn says pushing her away playfully, “and you sink more than you usually do.” you say flicking her forehead, laughing when her mouth drops in offence, before she takes notice of chaewon.

she quickly bows at chaewon as a greeting, minji following closely behind doing the same.

yn seems to finally take notice of the other girl and smiles, “hey minji.” she says flashing the girl a wink.

chaewon feels like she’s having déjà vu as she watches minji blush and smile back at yn, is it in your daily routine to flirt with someone in front of her ?

“you’re taking care of my sister right?” yn asks, raising a brow as she puts her arm around minji’s shoulder, smiling when the girl nods quickly, “that’s good.” she say’s tucking a hair behind minji’s ear.

your sister loud groan is heard as she throws her head back, “stop flirting with my member!” she says pushing your arm.

“I’m not, I was just asking your pretty member a question, is there a problem?” yn asks pouting mockingly in her sisters face.

your sister opens her mouth but it’s chaewon’s turn to cut her off as she clears her throat getting all your attention as you take your arm from minji’s shoulder, “shouldn’t you guys be practicing?” she asks pointing at minji and yn’s sister.

she avoids your gaze as you take a look at her, your sister nodding at chaewon as she grabs minji’s arm, “yes we should actually, thank you for reminding us.”

as she walked away with minji she doesn’t forget to yell a goodbye out to you.

chaewon looks back up at you as you stare at her, “what?”

you laugh throwing your head back before looking back down at her, “you’re a funny girl chaewon.”

she furrows her eyebrows at yn looking at the the taller girl in confusion, “you’re so cute when you’re jealous.”

chaewon feels her heart drop, “jealous? I wasn’t jealous.” she’s quick to defend herself, humiliation taking over her as yn laughs and shakes her head before leaning her lips to the shorter girls ear.

“I know you have a crush on me.” yn’s raspy voice whispers in her ear and chaewon’s legs feel weak, this couldn’t be happening.

chaewon feels frozen as yn continues, “and that shit you pulled the other day was not cool,.”

yn leans up from chaewon’s ear, a smirk growing on her face at the look on the older girls face, “but don’t worry I’m not mad.”

“I…” chaewon trails off, trying her best to find words but she couldn’t.

yn’s ring tone is heard and chaewon visibly relaxes as she answers.

“hey jiwon..” yn answers putting the phone to her ear, she hums at the word that are being spoken on the phone.

chaewon watches as yn converses with her member, she doesn’t know if she feels sadness or relief when yn walks away from her pressing the phone closely to her ear.

but what she does know is that yn knows that she likes her and that’s scary.

[sungbeam]

nonidol!kevin moon x f!reader

another summer break, another annual trip to the lake! except, it seems like when you and kev get there, you'll have to make some tweaks to the original rescue protocol.

▷ genre, warnings. childhood friends 2 lovers, fluff, hurt/comfort, humor, swearing, motherly meddling and matchmaking, shirtless kevin..., kissing, talks of academic expectations/pressure/insecurity/and lack of fulfillment, kim seokjin is my favorite plot device, this could technically be slow burn, pining-ish?, im sorry joshua + serena, little to no interactions with the other boyz 😔

▷ word count. 29.0k (...hah)

this is the sixth installment of the love in unity series! reading the prev fics is not required, but i do encourage it :] all prev yns will be referred to as _!yn

a/n: return to summer with me 😌 or for those of u on the other side of the world, we can give summer an early welcome :') treat her w kindness pls </3 hope u enjoy!!

EPISODE ONE (PILOT): DON’T YOU LOVE FORESHADOWING?

"IT still feels weird, man." Kevin Moon brushed his hand over the surface of his newly cropped hair, freshly cut specifically for this summer break, just earlier this week. He probably should have gotten it done before he took all those pictures with his graduating friends, but life had been busy as of late.

Jacob Bae, best friend, roommate, and one of the recent graduates, chuckled from the other side of the video chat. "I'm sure it does. But hey, it looks good, so it's not like you have anything to worry about."

Kevin glanced over at the car where his dad was gassing up. His mom was in the back seat, waving her arm out the window to beckon him back to the vehicle. "Thanks," he grinned. "Looks like my mom is telling me to come back. This is probably the last time I'll have signal for a few weeks."

Just behind Kevin was the little gas station he and his parents stopped at for snacks and the last leg of their drive. It was tradition that every summer his family made the trek to their lakeside cabin a few hours out of Vancouver. Except last summer, Kevin couldn't make it; in contrast, this summer, Kevin and his parents were going without Kevin's younger sister. Usually, there were a couple other families that were there at the same time, too, who Kevin had grown up with. It was usually a grand time.

Kevin adjusted the bag of snacks he'd purchased from the store that hung on his arm as he made his way back to the car.

"Make sure to take pics! And say hi to your mom for me," said Jacob.

"Why don't you say hi to her yourself, Jacob-ah?" Kevin's mom chided teasingly as Kevin took his place in the passenger seat next to his dad. Ever since Kevin and Jacob had met at that one, fateful out-of-country student mixer at university, neither of them shut up about each other to their own families. It was like finding a needle in a haystack, locating a fellow Korean-Canadian.

Kevin passed his phone back to his mom, and he heard Jacob's immediate, "Hi imo! How are you?"

"I've been doing well. Wah, you look so glowy," his mom marveled, and Kevin felt her nudge him in the shoulder. "Hyungseo-ah, maybe you should get a girlfriend, too, if this is how radiant Jacob looks after so long."

Jacob's warm chuckle contrasted Kevin's groan. The latter rubbed his hand down his face with an embarrassed wince. "Eomma," he said weakly, sliding down in his seat. Not this again.

The car began to roll out of the gas station and he lowered his window to catch the breeze as they went. He already recognized the pattern of trees in this area, and his heart fluttered at the thought of being so close to childhood again. The lake was always a favorite place of his.

"—Kevin mentioned something about other families being there?"

"Oh, yes. We're always there with the Ln family, and more recently, Kevin's cousin—you know Yuna, right? She and her husband Seokjin meet us there with their kids now."

Kevin rested his elbow along the edge of the window. "Uncle Seokjin is an interesting character, Cobie," he mused. "I think you'd get along."

"Seokjin gets along with everyone," his dad chimed in.

"You know who you should get along with, Kevin?—" Kevin already knew where his mom was going with this, "—Yn Ln! You're not gonna be shy after spending so long away from her, are you?"

Jacob's voice echoed in the car. "Who's Yn Ln?"

Kevin squirmed in his seat. "Just—a family friend. Mom, can we please not make this a big deal?" And why in the world would he be shy around his childhood best friend? Three years couldn’t have changed a person that much, could it? You were cute—but in a dorky way—that was how he had always seen you.

She sent him an innocent look. "What? I don't know what you're talking about."

"You know what I'm talking about," he said, twisting around in his seat to send her a pleading look. "I don't wanna make her uncomfortable, especially since… y'know… we're not kids anymore?"

His mom made a sound of disapproval, but relented. "Aish, fine. I won't say anything; I promise."

A beat of silence. Then from the phone, "I still have no clue what's going on."

The twins were being a pain again. Most of the time, since you were away at college, you actually missed the twin hellspawn, but you should have known that bliss would shatter the moment you had to endure another five hour car ride with them.

"—MAMA, CONNOR IS BEING A JERK—"

"WELL, ALICE WOULDN'T SHARE THE GOLDFISH!"

The noise-canceling headphones weren't working. Usually, they worked substantially well when trying to block out the frat party noises at school, but they weren't holding up well against adolescent discourse. You would have thought that once they had grown out of toddler-hood, they would calm down a little, but sibling rivalry prevailed.

You shucked your useless headphones off and twisted around in your seat to peer into the backseat. "Here, have mine," you said, dropping your bag of goldfish into your little brother's lap.

Connor's eyes lit up in delight. "Thanks, Yn!"

Your ears rang as you turned back to the front.

The drive up to the lake house was something you and your family did every summer, except, you hadn't gone two summers ago for a summer internship. It was a tradition completed with other families—namely the Moons, who were longtime family friends out of Vancouver. You hadn't seen Kevin, their only son who was your age, in two years because of your conflicting schedules. It would have happened again this year, but your misfortune had you internship-less. Then again, a trip to the lake was never a bad thing.

You leaned your head back against your seat rest to enjoy the rare moment of silence in the car. Already, you could begin to point out the familiar scenery out of your window.

“I heard we’re gonna be getting new neighbors this year,” you heard your mother say from the front row, breaking the brief quiet.

You blinked out of your daze, shifting in your seat and to give momentary relief to your aching behind. “Oh, really? Do we know who they are?”

“Aw, so Uncle Jin and Auntie Yuna aren’t coming to the lake with us?” Alice pouted from the backseat.

“No, Uncle and Auntie are both still coming up with us,” you dad piped up from the driver’s seat. He caught your eyes through the rear view mirror. “Their little ones are coming, too. We’re just gonna have even more people this year.”

“Should be fun,” you murmured. You leaned down to rummage through the backpack at your feet for your backup bag of snacks (because some part of your brain just knew that the twins would forget how to share).

“I can’t wait to see Kevin!” This was Connor; you could feel the car shake as he bounced up and down in his seat. “I’ve been wanting to show him my new helicopter—”

Your eyebrows furrowed. “Con, you brought the helicopter?”

“Yeah, and what about it?”

Before further argument could erupt between you and your brother, your mom stepped in. “Speaking of Kevin…”

You could feel the coming conversation like there were dark gray storm clouds forming in the distance—impending doom, you liked to think. You fumbled with the opening of your chip bag. “Mama, could you possibly, by any chance, not try and set me and Kevin up anymore?” There, you’d said it. It was out in the open.

“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” your mother sniffed. “I only think that you and Kevin would be very nice together! It’s already so convenient that our families are long-time friends, and—”

“Mama,” you emphasized. “I don’t wanna get into a relationship for convenience's sake.” Your skin was already beginning to heat. Having known the Moons for so long, as well as having kids the same age, your mom and his mom had harped on the opportunity to bring your families together through more than one way.

“She just doesn’t want to get into a relationship at all!” Your little brother cackled.

You sent him a dull look over your shoulder. “And after I gave you my goldfish?” The situation concerning relationships wasn’t as Connor so bluntly put it; rather, you simply had yet to find the right person, as it was for many people. A relationship would have been nice, but when it came, then it would come. Plus, you were pretty sure that Kevin wasn’t the most comfortable with being matchmade with you by the Mother Matchmakers either. That was what the pact was for, anyway.

“I’m just saying that Kevin is a smart, good-looking young man,” your mother teased.

You hadn’t seen him in almost three years, but how much could three years change a guy? Maybe you would admit that he was cute. If you hadn’t known him since he wore Cars diapers, maybe you would have had a crush on him. “No matchmaking,” you repeated.

Your mother sighed melodramatically. “Fine. No matchmaking with Kevin.”

“Thank you,” you said, settling into your seat. Something stirred in the back of your mind, though. For some reason, you had a feeling that this wasn’t the end of this conversation. But as you turned your attention back to the scenery whizzing past you, you let all dealings with matchmaking, boys, and relationships sink to the very back of your mind.

EPISODE TWO: IT’S CALLED AN AMBUSH

THANKS to the convenience of no signal, you could safely attempt to forget about the internship you hadn’t landed this year. The entire debacle had been a headache and a half, but the residual sadness still lingered. There was something about the lakehouse, though, that gave you hope that you could get over it. While you wouldn’t spend this summer doing something “productive” toward your career, you would at least be presented with a pleasant alternative.

Your dad pulled the family SUV into the gravel driveway of your family lakehouse, and childhood flooded back to you. All of the dark oak walls and browned window sills and wildflowers blooming in the front walkway among the grass… You could remember crashing your bike into that one bush to the side of the house where the rain gutter now stood hugging the building.

The twins had fallen asleep sometime between the matchmaking conversation and here, which left the car in a sort of serenity that matched the surroundings. Your house in particular was one of the few houses that was perched a little higher than the lakeshore. There were a couple around the lake that sat directly on the water with docks built into their lower levels though.

You notched your car door open, shouldered your backpack, then quietly lowered your car’s seat. Connor, who was sitting directly behind you, had his head tilted to the side, mouth wide open to catch flies as he slept. With a cheeky smile, you snapped a picture of him. Once tucking your phone away, you climbed into the back to shake him and Alice awake.

“Hey, we’re here,” you murmured. Your parents were already beginning to unload the car of your supplies for the next couple of weeks.

Your brother’s eyes fluttered open, and his arms stretched over his head as he began to compute his surroundings. “Mmm… I’m hungry,” he babbled and smacked his lips together.

Yep, this one was awake.

You patted his face in your version of sisterly affection as you leaned over him to get to his twin. “You gotta wait, dude. You’re gonna ruin your dinner.”

He rubbed his hand over his face. “You always sound like Mom when you say that.”

“I’ll take that as a compliment,” you huffed. You nudged your sister. “Hey, Alice. Up, hm?”

She shifted in her seat, eyes still closed. “Are we here yet?”

“Yeah, hon. We’re here.” With your task completed, you backed out of the car to make space for the twins to climb out after you. You took a step backwards, your foot catching against something and making you tumble into the person directly behind you. “Ah! Shi—”

“Language!” Your mom called from the other side of the car. “Hi Kevin! Wow, did you get a haircut?”

Kevin…?

You recognized the warm chuckle behind you, and the arms helping to steady you patted your shoulders in greeting. “I did!”

When you whirled around, your mouth stretched in a grin, but you didn’t expect to come face to face with the confident stature of the man behind you. He was in a tank top and shorts, which were definitely proper attire for the humid temperature, and yet, your brain was thinking about the amount of arm muscle there was. Oh, and of course, the cropped black hair. You could have sworn his jaw got sharper, too… This was not the timid-faced Kevin Moon—rising freshman in college—you last recalled.

“Kevin!” Connor’s body rocketed past you and crashed into Kevin’s legs.

Kevin bent down slightly to ruffle your little brother’s hair. “Hey, little man! What’s good?”

“I wanna show you my helicopter—!”

“Connor,” Alice said as she hopped out of the car, “Mama wants you to help bring in your stuff, and then you can show Kevin your helicopter.”

Connor’s mouth gaped open like a fish’s. “Wha—what about Yn?”

“Well, that’s just what Mama said, so,” your little sister said matter-of-factly. She raised a hand in a wave to Kevin. “Hi!”

Kevin returned the gesture with a sweet smile. “Hi, Alice.”

You and Kevin watched as your twin siblings raced into the lakehouse with their backpacks strapped onto their bodies. You could hear their hollering from out here as they fought over who would get the top bunk this year.

“They’ve gotten taller,” Kevin commented, drawing your attention back to him.

You brushed your hair from your face. “Yeah, you should’ve seen my reaction when I came back home and they were like, not small enough where I could trip over them anymore.”

The two of you shared a small laugh, and you held one arm with your other. You hadn’t realized how a few years could reset things between the two of you, but you supposed it was also attributed to the fact that three years away at college could lead to a lot of difference and a lot of growth.

“So what’s new with you?” You asked him and nudged his arm with your elbow. “Have you been working out?” You blurted, but ran with it.

Kevin smiled, reaching back to cup the nape of his neck with that sheepishness you recognized as something distinctly Kevin. Maybe things weren’t so different. “Hah, yeah actually. Is it that noticeable?”

You looked him up and down with what you hoped he saw as teasing and not you actually checking him out. “Yeah, dude. You look good though.”

“Really? Thanks, Yn. I appreciate it.” He stuck his hands in the pockets of his shorts. "You look good, too—and oh my god, I have so much to catch you up on—"

"Hyungseo! Stop hogging Yn and come in to help with dinner." Just a little ways down the path, Kevin’s mom peered out from the front porch of the Moons’ house. The houses in this neighborhood were a little more spread out than the average suburban street, but their house had always been the closest to yours.

You could have sworn you saw a dusting of pink on your friend’s cheekbones. “I’m not hogging her,” he groaned. He turned back to you, throwing a thumb in the direction of his house. “I’ll see you guys over at ours in a few then?”

You gave a nod. “For sure. My mom and I marinated a couple things for tonight this morning, so we’ll be bringing those over.”

“Sweet,” he grinned, already backpedaling toward his house. “See ya, Yn!”

“Bye, Kevin,” you chuckled and bounded up toward your house.

Once everyone in your household had settled in for the most part, your dad corralled your siblings over to the Moon house, while you and your mom brought over your family’s offerings of tonight’s dinner. Instead of entering through their front door, you simply bypassed the invisible property line between your houses and found Kevin and his dad firing up the barbeque on the back lawn.

Kevin looked up from the box of aluminum foil in his hands and dropped it onto the table. "Oh, auntie! Let me get that for you," he said, meeting you in the middle and taking the tray out of your mom's hands.

"Thank you," she said to him. "How has school been, Kevin? Remind me again—you're a…?"

"Photography major," he replied. The three of you swept past Kevin's dad on your way up to the Moons' house.

"Ah, how's that going for you?"

"It's going well—" Your mom slid the screen door open and you all deposited your shoes to the side before entering the kitchen. "—I should be able to graduate two quarters early, which is nice."

Your mom nodded her head. "That's good, that's good. Katherine, it's nice to see you again!"

As your mom shuffled over to the sink where Kevin's mom was washing a colander of cabbage, you and Kevin set the trays down on the kitchen island.

You heard Kevin's gasp of delight when he lifted the foil off his. "No way. I love your mom's short ribs so much," he said, tipping his head back with his eyes closed.

You laughed at his reaction. "Me, too dude. It's never the same when I try to recreate it at school."

"Oh, for sure," he agreed. He cocked his head to the side, a frown coming into his face. "These should probably go back out to the grill then, huh."

You considered the two trays of meat before you. "You're right."

You both covered the trays back over and began to make your way back out to the lawn.

"Has Connor showed you his helicopter yet?" You asked Kevin while you slid your shoes back on.

The screen door slid shut behind him with his other arm carrying his tray. "He did." Kevin brightened, "It's cool. That kid should go into aviation or engineering."

"That's what I'm thinking," you said. "Though, he's not the greatest at math, but I guess he still has a long way to go before he even needs to consider all that."

He nodded, sighing. "That's true. The twins have a long way to go. Crazy how far we've gotten, y'know?"

You both dropped the marinated meat trays over by Kevin's dad, only to greet your dad on the way down to help out. You were sure that you and Kevin were needed up at the house anyway; your dad had mentioned something about having Connor and Alice start on the batch of kimchi. You hoped he had set up some newspaper this time to avoid a mess.

"My sister says your porch swing broke last year," Kevin said as he followed you back into the kitchen.

"Oh yeah!" You snorted. "Pro tip: don't try to fit two families on that thing. Not a good idea."

The moms directed you both over to the fruits and vegetables on the counter that still needed to be prepped, and you picked up a knife, and Kevin a peeler.

Kevin's brows knitted together as he tossed and caught an asian pear with one hand. "You guys tried to fit both families on that thing? It could barely handle two people the last time I remember."

"Hey, in our defense," you started, already giggling at the memory, "we wanted a cool picture, but then we ended up almost putting a hole through our porch. Lesson learned."

"Lesson learned, indeed." He shook his head as he shucked the pretty ring of golden peel he'd gotten from the pear into the paper bag beside him. "Is it fixed now?"

"Should be," you said. You used the blade of your knife to help coax the peel of the red onion off, then diligently began to take the rest off. "We need a maximum occupancy sign to go with it."

He laughed. "Something like 'less than four people' or something?"

"I think it can handle four people!"

His eyebrows arched high. "You wanna test that theory?"

You glanced up from your diced onions for just a second to meet his gaze. "Uhm no. But you are definitely welcome to."

"Oh, no, no! I'm not getting looped into this solo again like you did with the tire swing that one year."

"Okay, that time wasn't my fault! You said that you bet we could ride it together without breaking the tree branch, and I said—"

Your thought train cut off when the doorbell rang. Both yours and Kevin's heads perked up at the sound and darted in the direction like a pair of meerkats. Even from this room, you could hear the front door being opened and the commotion firing up. There was only one family left to join the party, and you knew exactly who had come to make his presence known.

In minimal time, a lanky man with dark brown bangs and a magazine-cover-worthy face barged into the kitchen with his hands raised, full of grocery bags, and a child riding in a carrier on his chest. "Hello, everyone! Your favorite, most handsome uncle has arrived."

"Hi, Uncle Jin," both you and Kevin chorused, as Kevin's mom took the grocery bags from him with thanks. Your mom must have been the one who opened the door since she had gone into the other room to monitor the twins and their kimchi.

"Hello, children—wow," Kim Seokjin said as he made eyes at Kevin's arms, giving them a little squish. "Close the gyms, everyone. What have they been feeding you at college?"

Kevin's face reddened. "It's nothing, really."

"Nothing?" Seokjin made eye contact with you. "You're seeing this, too, right?"

You swallowed your laugh, but you couldn't suppress your smile. "I'm seeing it, too," you confirmed. You set your knife down and gently ran your finger over baby Leena's head; you wondered how she was still asleep with how loud her father's voice was. "Awh, she's adorable."

Your uncle by association put his hands on his hips. "Fatherhood is great, but let me tell you," he said with flair, "after two kids, I don't want anymore. I think I've seen enough dirty diapers for you both combined."

Kevin laughed. "I'm sure Yuna-noona's on the same page."

"Yes, your cousin and I are definitely on the same page," Jin confirmed while clasping a hand on Kevin's shoulder. His eyes widened, and he gave the muscle beneath his fingers a squeeze. "Jesus—"

"Jin! Do you know where the bag with the formula is?" That was Yuna, Kevin's cousin, calling from the next room over. Soon, her head poked in through the doorway, and her mouth curved into a delighted smile at the sight of familiar faces. "Oh, hi everyone!"

"I think it's in the red colored bag, babe," Jin said as he turned away from you and Kevin and waddled over to where his wife was.

"That's what I thought, too, but I can't find it."

With the young couple now off in search of their bag of baby formula, you and Kevin were again left to yourselves with the fruits and vegetables.

You scooped the diced onions up with one hand and the blade of your knife into an empty bowl for later. "Well, that was…"

"Quite an entrance?" Kevin finished. You could still see the rosiness in his cheeks. "Yup."

"You can always count on Uncle Jin to liven up a place."

"Oh, definitely." Kevin picked up another pear to peel; they would probably either be sliced up for the kids to eat or maybe used to make a dessert later. Something of the sort, at least. "Now where were we?"

You raised your brows as you picked up a carrot. "I think we were talking about how you broke the tire swing in seventh grade."

The evening progressed swiftly with everyone's combined efforts in throwing dinner together. By the time the sun was about to make its descent into the horizon, all three families were moved out onto the back lawn with chairs set up and meats cooking on the grill. There was something beautiful about the lake at this hour—then again, there was always something beautiful about the lake. You couldn’t put your finger on it, but even the way the mosquitoes danced in the waning sunlight made your chest feel warm and fuzzy.

If you strained your vision a little, you could even make out the shapes of people on the opposite shoreline beginning to light campfires of their own. Most of the people who lived around the perimeter of the lake sublet their properties during the non-vacation seasons like your family, the Moons, and the Kims. Then, when the time came, they would return to their lakehouse hideaways for much needed rejuvenation.

As golden hour painted the landscape glorious shades of auburn and butter, you caught your mother making her way toward you out of the corner of your eye.

“Yn-ah,” she said to you with a plate of the fruit that you and Kevin had cut earlier in her hands. She gestured for you to take it from her, then nodded up over to the house on the other side of the Moons’ place. “Take the twins and go welcome our new guests.”

You furrowed your brows. “New guests?” When you followed her gaze, you saw that the house next door had acquired a new car in its driveway. You definitely didn’t recognize it, but you managed to spot what looked like someone disappearing in the front door of the house.

“They’re one of the new families, I think,” she told you. She then gave you a little nudge, urging, “Go. We’re still working on dinner anyways.”

You glanced between the plate of fruit in your possession, then searched the back lawn for the hellspawn. When you located their whereabouts (skipping through a pair of hula hoops over by the big oak tree), you marched over to them to repeat your mother’s instructions.

“Oi!” You called out.

Alice looked over at you as she stopped her skipping. “I don’t want fruit,” she said when she saw what you were holding.

You stopped just short of Connor’s hula hoop circumference. “It’s not for you. Mama wants us to go say hi to the new neighbors. Come on.”

“Do we have to?”

“If I do, then yes. And Mama said so.” Plus, you were not planning to go alone upon any circumstance. Your social anxiety could not take showing up at a stranger’s doorstep alone and with fruit.

The twins dropped their hula hoops and begrudgingly trudged after you. No child could trump the “Mom said so” card. At least, not in this household.

With your siblings following after you like two ducklings to a Mother Goose, Kevin saw the line of you walking past from where he was stationed beside his dad. His eyes zipped from you, the kids, and the plate of fruit, then cocked his head to the side in bemused inquiry.

You inclined your head toward the house you aimed for in the distance and lifted the plate of fruit as if that was enough explanation.

He gave a grave nod for your sake, teasing of course, then held up his free hand in a thumb’s up for encouragement.

Nonetheless, you and your siblings carried on.

The lakehouse on the Moons’ other side was similar to all the others around the lake: dark wood walls, doors encased in a protective screen door, grass and flowers growing out of the cracks where the house met the earth. You could feel your siblings converge on you, nearly hiding behind you, as you all approached the front door. It wasn’t that the house looked scary in any way—it was just the prospect of new people that was the scary part. You were sure this family was just as friendly as everyone else, but it didn’t hurt to be a little nervous.

When the three of you reached the front door, you raised your hand to ring the doorbell.

You could hear the echo of the bell inside the house, followed swiftly by a man’s voice, “I’ll get it!”

Footsteps drawing closer… then the locks came undone, and finally, the main door inside the screen swung open.

“Hi,” greeted the young man on the other side.

You paused when his face became clearer after opening the screen door. He was, to put it bluntly, awfully pretty. Dark hair swept back out of his face and behind his ear, a prince’s facial features, and a smile that was as beautiful as the golden hour greeted you and your siblings. Even his voice was soft.

Alice held onto the side of your shorts pocket. “You're pretty.”

The man made an expression of humble surprise, and heat rose to your neck. “Sorry,” you stammered. “We’re from a couple doors down and we wanted to welcome you to the lake. These are for you and your family.” You managed to pass the plate over to him without being any more embarrassing.

He accepted the offering graciously. “Oh, wow. Thank you so much! That’s so thoughtful.”

You placed your hands on either of your siblings’ backs to push them forward slightly. “I’m Yn, and these are my little siblings, Alice and Connor.”

Your siblings chimed in their hellos to the pretty man.

His eyes narrowed in upturned crescent moons, smile widening. “Well it’s really nice to meet you guys. I’m Joshua, but my friends call me Josh or Shua.”

EPISODE THREE: MAMMA MIA! HERE WE GO AGAIN…

IT turned out that your mother had an ulterior motive for sending you and your siblings to greet the newcomers. She had popped up behind you soon after Joshua had introduced himself to invite him and his family to have dinner with you. You could sniff out the conspiracy from a mile away, but you still wanted to give your mom the benefit of the doubt.

When the first night passed without anything happening, though, you slowly let your guard down. (Rookie mistake.)

Everyone crashed into bed after cleaning up dinner. The move up to the lake was a tiring one, and the promise of an early start the next morning proved to be more than enough encouragement to hit the hay.

You were on the living room couch with Alice sitting on the floor between your legs the next day. It was late morning by this time, and you and your siblings had just woken up less than an hour ago. Your dad was still asleep, and your mom? Well, you weren’t really sure where he was.

“Ow, can you stop tugging?” Alice whined under her breath, her hand rocketing up to the back of her head to stop your hands.

You paused your movement for the third time in the past fifteen minutes. “It wouldn’t hurt this bad if you would just let me run a comb through it.”

“The brush works fine if you use it correctly!”

You exhaled sharply and pressed your lips together. There was never any rest between your two little siblings, whether it was amongst themselves or against you. You supposed you could just suck it up for the time being; it wasn’t often that you got to braid your little sister’s hair. She usually just liked to leave it down.

You heard the backdoor open and shut behind you, and the both of you turned your heads to see who it was. Your mom entered the house with perspiration gleaming on her face as she took off her sun hat and tossed it onto one of the dining room chairs.

“Hi Mama,” the two of you said, one after the other.

Your mom settled onto the couch cushion next to you. “Hi girls. Is your brother and dad up yet?”

“Connor’s with Uncle Jin and Aunt Yuna,” said Alice. “Daddy’s still asleep though.”

“Mm,” she hummed. She combed her fingers through her sweat-soaked hair. “It’s a warm morning out,” she murmured, then quickly added, “hey you.” She knocked her hand against your arm.

“Hm?” You asked as you finished up Alice’s braid and tied it off with the blue Cinnamoroll hair tie she’d chosen. You patted her back with your hand. “You’re done.”

Your little sister hopped to her feet. “Thanks!” She dashed away and out of the room—to where, you had no clue. You figured she knew where the food was if she was hungry.

You angled your body to squish your side against the couch cushions and face your mother. “What were you saying?”

“Ah, I was going to talk to you about the Joshua Hong boy.”

Joshua Hong. You didn’t realize you could hear a man’s name so often within twelve hours.

You made a gesture with your hand. “What about the Joshua Hong boy, Mom?”

“Well, isn’t he a handsome one?” She asked you enthusiastically, straightening in her seat. It was alarming how bright her expression became. “I spoke to his mom while Kevin and I were walking just now, and he’s only a few years older than you, you know.”

You heard a metaphorical record scratch. What? There was so much in that one sentence that you needed to unpack. You raised your hands to signal her to pause. “Wait, since when do you and Kevin take walks together?” What could they have been talking about? You knew Kevin was an exceptional conversationalist, but never in your time at the lake had you known of this interaction.

Your mother blinked. “Oh, we started the tradition when you didn’t come up with us that one year.”

“Tradition?” So this happened more than once? You didn’t know why you were so scandalized by this information—it was just Kevin after all. You knew your parents and even your siblings were all fond of him—of course they were. You were arguably even more fond of him, but that wasn’t the point. You hoped she hadn't said anything about you and him as an item at any point of time… you trusted that Kevin could handle that though; that was what the pact was for, after all.

“Why are you making such a big deal out of this?” She arched a brow. “But anyway, yes, so we bumped into Josh’s mom on the last leg around the lake, and she mentioned that he’s majoring in chemistry and planning to go into medicine. You guys might have something in common.”

You pursed your lips. Perhaps the two of you might have something to talk about, but your track was pre-veterinary rather than pre-med. There was probably a middle ground though... Maybe you were just being stubborn.

“Just make friends or something,” she said to you while standing up from the couch. “You need more of those.”

Your eyes shot wide open. “Hello? Mom?” Now that was simply uncalled for.

She chuckled impishly as she walked away and disappeared down the hall, leaving you to yourself. You were lucky neither of the twins were here to hear that burn.

It wasn’t much longer than a couple hours later that you found yourself on the backyard lawn space setting up the badminton net between two oak trees with Kevin’s assistance. Everyone was outside and awake, and the kids were all seated up on your house’s back porch munching on the watermelon that Yuna cut for them.

You tightened the string on one side of the net. “So he didn't kiss her?” You queried.

Kevin sputtered a laugh, yanking his side to test its integrity. “Yeah,” he said. “Isn’t it so funny? According to multiple sources, Sunwoo and Chanhee barged in at the perfect moment, and frankly—” Kevin raised his arms up in the air and let them fall for effect, “—ruined the moment.”

"Pfft.” You considered that for a moment. An almost kiss ruined by a comedically timed interruption from a guy drunk off liquor and love, and the friend tasked with dumping his ass at home. That was bad luck if you ever heard it. “And what about that other dude? The Hyunjae guy? Did he finally fix his eyesight?”

Your friend leaned back against his oak tree, ankles crossed over the other and arms braided over his chest. A pair of shades rested backwards on his head to complete his summer-worthy ensemble of shorts and T-shirt. “His literal eyesight is still shit, but yeah, he and HJ!Yn are together now. Took for-fucking-ever, but—”

“Language!” Jin yelled like a referee on the sideline of a soccer match. “We have children in the vicinity.”

Kevin brushed a hand through his hair. “Whoopsies, sorry!” He turned back to you. “Anyways, yes, they are finally together. Man, having someone watch my cursing makes it seem like Jacob is here with me.”

You noticed the fond twinkle in his eyes as he stared out at the still waters of the lake just down the way from you both. “You talk about this Jacob guy a lot,” you said to him. “I think I need to meet the person who’s threatening to knock me off the best friend pedestal.”

“He already has,” he jested.

You let out an indignant squawk. “Hurtful!”

Connor, watermelon juice smeared all around his mouth, added rather unnecessarily, “So you don’t want a partner and you don’t have friends. What do you have, Yn?”

You leveled a scowl at him. “An annoying little brother.”

“Hey!”

In a tone dryer than the Sahara Desert, Alice chimed in, “Guess that makes me the favorite twin.”

“I should tell you about Sangyeon. I need to yell about Sangyeon,” Kevin huffed indignantly, snapping his fingers as if the thought just hit him. You whipped your head back over. “Oh my god, dude, you know what happened at the graduation ceremony? It was like, straight out of a scene from a movie—!”

You never got to find out what was just like it was out of a movie, because your mom appeared in the distance with the Hongs. They all came wielding badminton racquets—how convenient. You didn’t mind the extra company, of course, and despite your stubbornness, you knew Joshua and his family were very nice people.

You caught the tail end of your mother’s conversation with Josh and his mom: “...Yn used to play badminton on the high school team. She could’ve gone to the Olympics if she really wanted to—”

Well, that was only partly true. Your team had gone to Nationals, but the Olympics was one step above Worlds. You liked to think you were pretty good at the sport, but you hoped your mom wasn’t talking up you and your abilities too much.

“Oh, wow. I’m a soccer person myself,” said Joshua good-naturedly. “I don’t really know much about badminton, but it seems like a really fun sport.”

"Yn's a great teacher. She taught the twins how to play." Ah, there it was.

When they were within a comfortable distance, you raised your hand in a wave. "Hi hello!"

"Hello Yn," Joshua's mom said back. "Hi Kevin."

Kevin dipped his head with a smile. "Hi Auntie."

"Yn-ah," said your mom as she took you by the arm, dragging you over toward Joshua, "I was just talking to Josh about how good you are at badminton."

Your eyes widened slightly, and you noted the way Joshua's did the same. You made eye contact with Kevin as this happened. He seemed caught at a crossroads, unable to help or say anything. "I guess I'm okay at it."

"Liar," Kevin suddenly jumped in.

You sent him a look. Wait really?

He shrugged sheepishly. "I don't wanna downplay your abilities, dude. You're really good."

Oh. "Thanks, Kev," you said, blinking. Your heart warmed at the finger guns he sent your way. It was nice to know he had your back.

"Good! See? You and Josh should play doubles together." Your mother somehow got a racquet into your hand. She clapped her hands and ushered her two other children off their butts. "Come on, you two, you can be on Kevin's team."

"But that's not what doubles means, Mama—"

Joshua sidled up beside you with an apology in his smile. "Sorry, you don't have to do this if you don't want to. I don't want you to be forced to teach me or anything."

Guilt wormed itself into your stomach. "No, no! It's totally okay," you amended swiftly. "This all just happened really quickly, but I'd be so down to teach you badminton, if you'd like."

He bobbed his head up and down, patting the netting of his racquet. "Okay, yeah. That'd be really cool actually."

You nodded, returning his expression. "Cool."

You and Joshua had somehow taken over the makeshift badminton court. The twins had gotten tired of the "big kids" playing too hard, and Kevin… actually, you didn't know why Kevin put down his racquet. But at some point, you noticed that he was just hanging out in a chair, sipping some kind of fruit juice as he observed you and Joshua. (That was what you assumed he was doing. There was a book propped open in his lap, but you hadn't seen him turn a page in a while. And he had put his sunglasses on, so you couldn't exactly see what his eyes were doing.)

You tracked the birdie as it flew over the net to your side. "Nice!" You praised, taking a few steps in the diagonal to hit the birdie back over with an easy backhand flick.

Joshua stumbled forward, but hit it back over. "Shoot," he said, barely catching himself before he crashed into the netting.

You chuckled, "Careful." You backed up and gave the birdie a gentle bump.

It sailed over the net, but it landed too close to it for Joshua to get a clean shot back over. He sighed as he bent down to pick the projectile up from the grass. "Dang. Nice hit, Yn."

Content with your shot as well, you walked over to the net to meet him. "Thanks, man."

"Hyungseo-ah!"

You watched as Kevin stood up from his chair at his mom's call. "Yeah, what's up?"

As she strolled over to him, she was reapplying sunscreen onto her arms and face. "We have more new neighbors. Since you're not doing anything, you should come and welcome them with me. There’s someone I think you should meet."

You and Kevin locked gazes for a second before he turned back to his mom. You didn't know why you kept looking at each other—this all felt like déjà vu, but maybe it was the fact that it seemed like your moms were separating you both instead of bringing you together that was throwing you off.

"Uhm, sure, Mom." He dropped his book into his seat and followed after his mom.

Your gaze trailed after him for a moment before you snapped back to reality. You swiped the sweat off your forehead with the back of your hand. "Sorry, where were we?"

Just then, Seokjin made his way down the lakeshore with baby Leena strapped to his chest again. He threw up an arm in greeting. "Hey, kids. You guys still at it?"

"Yup," you said back. "He's getting good at it!"

Joshua laughed lightly. "Ah, you flatter me. It's just 'cause Yn's a good teacher."

Seokjin's eyes flickered between the two of you. "Huh. I'm sure she is."

"Anyways," you coughed. "Did you just come from the new neighbor's house or something?" He hadn't arrived from the direction of his own house, which was on the other side of yours.

Your uncle by association gave his affirmative, one hand pressed gently on the back of his baby in his holster. "Of course! You know I'm too nosy to not have gone to introduce myself and see what's up. The couple has a girl around your age, Yn-ie. Their son is off in Paris for his job or something though."

The two men could probably see the gears in your brain turning. Another person who was around yours and Kevin's age? You really didn't want to read too much into it, but—you pushed the thought to the side. It probably wasn't what you were thinking, right?

"Uh, you good, Yn?" Joshua asked.

Your eyes shuttered. "Yeah. I was just thinking about something." You gestured with your racquet in a flourish. "How about another round?"

EPISODE FOUR: THE DAMSEL IN DISTRESS DEAL™

THE crickets were particularly melodious tonight. Their chirrups became lovely background music as you perched on the stairs of your back porch beneath the warm glow of the outside light. Moths swarmed the bulb, casting little shadow puppets along the wooden deck.

You were hunched over one of the few books you brought along with you for the trip. Your siblings liked to tease you for bringing “school work” on a summer trip, but these had been purchased out of your own interest. It was an anthology of experiences related to animal behavior. The certain piece that had originally caught your eye had been about the Alaskan husky’s primal nature to run, and their participation in dog sled racing. You’d come across it originally in a magazine on an airplane, finding yourself enthralled in a story of the stamina, determination, and hard work that these dogs faced in the brutal Alaskan winters.

When your plane landed, you had gone online and found more stories like them. Thus, the book in your lap and money down the drain. (Though, you would argue that it was money well-spent.)

“Warm night out.”

You startled, heart galloping in your chest, as Kevin appeared in your periphery and stepped into the light.

To his credit, he took on a sheepish sort of grin. “Oops, sorry. Probably should have given a warning or something.”

You pressed a hand to your palpitating heart and scooted over to give him room to sit on the step next to you. “No, it’s all good. I don’t think there was really any way that you could have warned me.” You were probably way too deep into your book to have even noticed if he was any quieter.

He took a seat beside you, posture mimicking yours with his forearms pressed onto his knees. “You’re right,” he murmured. “Whatcha reading?” He asked while inclining his chin toward the pages in your lap.

“Oh.” You kept a couple fingers wedged between the pages you were on as you flipped to the cover to show him. “It’s just this, uhm, collection of stories on animal behavior. Real fascinating stuff, actually, and a lot of it is kind of inspirational.” You tucked a strand of hair behind your ear, unsure of why you were always shy about telling people about something you were passionate about. You shouldn’t have thought so little of Kevin Moon, though. He never gave you any worries about being judged.

“Oh, that sounds neat,” he said, scooting closer. “Is it for your major? You’re still doing wildlife biology, right—or is it ecology?”

“Wildlife biology,” you confirmed. “It’s not for my major or anything, no. Just something I was interested in.”

A thought suddenly occurred to you and you were rewinding all of the things that had happened in the past couple of days. Before Kevin could comment further on the topic of majors, you piped up, “Actually, I wanted to talk to you about something.”

His eyes widened a smidge, his posture straightening. “Oh? What about?”

You felt around the porch deck for the receipt you had been using as a makeshift bookmark, hand flopping around before you snatched it up and slipped it into the pages of your book. You set the book aside. “Is it just me, or are our moms… you know…”

“Doing the Thing again?” He finished. He sighed with a little grimace, “Yeah, I think I’m seeing it.”

The “Thing” that both you and Kevin were referring to was none other than the very act of matronly matchmaking taking place between you and the new kids on the block. At least you could confirm that you weren’t overthinking it.

You recalled the events of earlier today when Kevin and his mom had come back to where everyone else was with the new family that had just arrived. The Xus were another party of just three—their oldest son was in Paris, as Seokjin reported, but their youngest, Serena, was yours and Kevin's age. It didn't take a rocket scientist to figure out who Kevin's mom wanted to introduce her son to.

“You know what’s crazy?” You said to him then, “On the car ride up here, I asked my mom—like, point-blank, you know?—to not try to matchmake us anymore.”

Kevin perked up. “Dude. That’s crazy, because that’s what I asked my mom on the car ride up here.”

You sputtered, “You’re kidding.”

“Great minds think alike,” he said, lip curling upward into a smile and his arms coming up in a halfhearted shrug. “But I should have known it wouldn't be that easy.”

Now that you were thinking back to your own conversation, you should have known something fishy was going on when your mom mentioned Kevin specifically… You only thought that she was being thorough in her understanding of what you were asking her to do, but turned out, it was only a loophole. “You’re so right,” you groaned and tilted your head backward. “Literally what are we gonna do?”

The two of you stewed in silence on this fine night.

There was one night, similar to this one, where you had sought each other out. You couldn’t remember what year it was—something close to sixth grade when both of you had the mind to realize the game your moms were trying to play. From that night came a pact of sorts, one that would hopefully try to steer each other away from a fate that neither of you were sure that you wanted yet. After all, eleven years old was a little premature to be talking about who you wanted to spend the rest of your life with, right?

Kevin leaned back onto his palms. “We need to make a new pact, I think.”

Your head swiveled over to him. “Amendments to the pact?”

“Either amend it or come up with a new one to fit our current situation,” he said. “A rescue protocol.”

A rescue protocol… you could see it begin to take shape in your head. The previous pact was different—an agreement between you and Kevin that you were both simply friends, no matter how many times your moms made you do chores together, or tie each other’s shoelaces, or swap numbers and emails and social media. And it had worked, for the most part; you were both still friends after all these years.

But this time would have to be different. Your moms weren’t driving you toward each other anymore.

“The Rescue Protocol—is that what we’re calling it?” You mused in an attempt to bring mirth to the conversation.

Kevin made a sound like a laugh. “Better than ‘the pact,’ I like to think.”

“How about the ‘Damsel in Distress Deal?’”

He let out an actual laugh this time. You got to watch his eyes turn up into crescent moons, the corners crinkling with pretty smile lines. His smile was always contagious, even after all this time. “The ‘Damsel in Distress Deal?’” He parroted. When he allowed the phrase to soak into his brain for a second, tongue massaging his bottom lip, he relented. “Okay, that’s actually not bad.”

You giggled. “So we either call it the Rescue Protocol or the Damsel in Distress Deal, trademark.”

“Trademark?” His reaction sent you into a flurry of snickers, hand clamped over your mouth so the sounds wouldn’t wake up your family. “What? Are we gonna advertise this idea to people?” He chuckled.

“It’s a good idea!”

“We don’t even know what the parameters are yet,” he sputtered. Kevin lightly punched your upper arm. “Silly goose.”

“Geese are not silly,” you found yourself replying. They could be mean creatures. “But I think they’re cute.”

“Jacob thinks they’re scary.”

You gave a playful roll of your eyes. “This Jacob guy again?” After a moment, you sighed, toeing the dirt on the bottom step with the tip of your shoe. “Hey, can I ask you a question?”

Kevin sobered a little, but the remnants of his merriment remained in the shine of his irises. “Shoot.”

“Are you…” You struggled to string the words together. There was a question you’d come up with already, but you didn’t know if it was too forward or not. “Are you ready for a relationship?”

The question caught him off guard. His gaze flickered from you, to the grass, to his lap, to the moon-soaked surface of the lake further down the hill. “I… I’m not sure, really,” he muttered, then added, “I think I would know the right person when I meet them.”

“Yeah,” you agreed.

“Or maybe not,” he shrugged. “Maybe I’ve already met the person I want to spend the rest of my life with, but the relationship just hasn’t gotten there yet.”

You pondered on that for a moment, then realized you agreed with that, too. If you already met the person you were meant to be with, the thought of a relationship was a little less daunting. You already knew this person. “So we’re in agreement then? This new pact is something we both want?”

“As usual, we are in agreement,” he nodded. “What’s our plan then? Fight fire with fire?”

You snorted. “Pretty much, right? We just have to, you know, swoop in whenever we can to counteract their movements. Help each other out, y’know?” You laughed at how ridiculous this all sounded. “I guess it’s really just doing what they’ve wanted us to do this whole time.”

Kevin grinned to himself. “Spend time together?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m down for that. You?”

“Yeah, man.” You shifted to angle your body toward him and stuck your hand out. “You still remember it, right?”

Kevin sent you an incredulous look, as if offended that you could think so lowly of him. He reflected your angled body, hand primed and ready. “Uh, yeah. Do you remember it?”

You clicked your tongue. “Of course, I do! It's the seal."

You knocked the back of your hand against his to signal the beginning of the handshake.

Like second nature, the two of you made your way through the unnecessarily (but also completely necessary) convoluted masterpiece that was your sixth grade handshake. It was what you used the first time you sealed the deal on the pact, and whenever you made any other agreements of significance (e.g. the Juice Pouch Accord of Eighth Grade). Now, it would seal the Rescue Protocol/Damsel in Distress Deal, too.

When the handshake combination finished (marked by twin flicks to the forehead—"Ow! You always flick so hard.”; “Yikes, hope that doesn’t leave a mark…”—and a… proper handshake), the only thing left to do was put it into motion.

Teasing, you sent him a look of approval. “You did remember.”

“Funny how you say that as if you have the better memory out of the two of us,” he quipped back with an unimpressed look.

You hummed your own amusement back to him, taking the book that you’d set aside earlier back into your lap but leaving it unopened. There wasn’t any signal in this area, so devices were practically useless, so books and board games and sports became the go-to for entertainment. It was what your parents originally liked so much about the place, and eventually you and your siblings. It allowed for moments between the moments like this… whatever this was.

Kevin leaned back onto his palms again, and the shadows and moonlight cut across his jawline like glass. “I didn’t think you’d be up so late.”

“Yeah,” you drawled and picked at a strand of grass sticking out between the boards of a stair step. “I couldn’t sleep for some reason and decided to read, but then I opened my window and realized it was a nice night out, so here I am.” You nodded to him, “You?”

He gave a soft sort of chuckle. “You know I never sleep.”

Your chest felt heavy all of a sudden. “Still have the sleeping issue?” You asked softly. It had been a big thing when he was a kid. It had started off as being a very light sleeper, but over time, you discovered that sometimes Kevin just did not get sleep.

“Yeah…” he said, "I'm usually able to sleep when I'm here though, y'know? The peace, the quiet, the familiarity—it all helps. It was just tonight that was out of the ordinary." When he glanced over at you, the side of his lip quirked upward. "Don't worry too much."

You'd always thought about the lake as your home away from home, your safe space. A part of you had always thought it was the same way for him.

“How could I not worry?" You asked, poorly masking your concern as you leaned over your knees and looked at him. “How did you ever get used to your place at uni?” There must have been some reason that he was able to survive over there.

The corners of his mouth curled upward into a smile. “I was lucky,” he admitted. “I met people who have become some of my best friends and family. I guess it’s just weird being so far away from them and it's catching up to me.”

As much teasing as you did about this Jacob character, you were glad Kevin had found him and his other friends. Being away from home like that could not have been easy. At least you could rest assured that he was taken care of over there.

He had grown so comfortable over there that even his subconscious missed them.

You shifted a little closer to him and gently leaned your head onto his shoulder. He seemed surprised at first, but relaxed and let you keep your head there. “That’s good,” you whispered. “I’m happy for you.”

A beat passed, and the crazy thought occurred to you that maybe you should have asked to do this first. “Is this okay?”

His hand warmed the top of your head. “More than okay.”

The two of you sat there like that for however long—you couldn’t really tell. Time passed by differently here, it seemed. Friends definitely comforted each other like this though, right? Right.

EPISODE FIVE: [SHENANIGANS ENSUE.]

"KEVIN, would you mind giving this snack pack to Serena?"

"Oh, I got it, Auntie!" You snatched the Ziploc bag of trail mix from off the counter where Kevin's mom had set it out. "I haven't properly introduced myself to her yet," you said as some kind of explanation.

Out of the corner of your eye, you saw Kevin look away to conceal his laugh at your inconspicuousness.

Today, the five families planned to go on a long nature hike as a large group. There was a specific path that your family, the Moons, and the Kims always took at least once every year that led out to a waterfall. It was a beautiful slice of nature, but then again, you thought this entire area was beautiful.

You swung out of the Moons' kitchen and out onto the back lawn where everyone was slowly gathering to take off. Eyes scanning the immediate area, you located Serena Xu standing off to the side plaiting her hair into a simple braid over her shoulder.

As you made your way over to her, your Uncle Jin suddenly appeared beside you. “You look like a woman on a mission, Yn-ie. What’s the sitch?”

Your brain took a second to register the reference. “Has Sana been watching Kim Possible or have you, Uncle?”

“And if I said it was both of us?” He sniffed. Sana was his eldest daughter, only three years old, but Jin and Yuna were very updated in the essential kids shows they wanted their daughters to watch.

“As you should,” you said with an indulgent nod. You turned your gaze over to your intended target.

Serena’s eyes wandered up from her hair and met your eyes, then glanced over at Jin. You hoped she didn’t think the two of you were ganging up on her or anything. Two new people at once could be intimidating.

“Hi, Serena, right?” You asked as you and Jin approached her.

She gave a small nod, pulling her braid’s end over her shoulder as she fidgeted with it. “Uh, yeah. And you’re Yn?”

“We already met yesterday,” Jin said chipperly.

Serena nodded again.

Your fingers danced along the edge of the Ziploc baggie in your hands, squeezing along the edge to make sure that it was closed properly. Your teeth ran over your bottom lip before you were passing her the bag in your hands. “Kevin’s mom made all of us snack bags, and I just wanted to say a proper hello.”

She accepted the bag, eyes wide as she inspected its contents through the clear plastic. “Oh, wow. Thank you; that’s really thoughtful.”

“Oh!” Seokjin illuminated like a lightbulb, clapping his hands loud enough to make both you and Serena wince. (You and she met each other’s eyes with awkward laughs.) “Didn’t you mention yesterday that you were pre-law?”

Your eyebrows flew upward. “Pre-law?” Your head bobbed up and down with a low whistle. “That’s cool.”

“Yeah, uh, I guess so,” she said. “It’s a little intimidating right now, if I’m being honest.”

“Yn!” Ripped out of the conversation, you excused yourself and found the source of your name. Your mom was perched on one of the picnic benches outside of the Moons’ place, slathering sunscreen on your brother’s face. Connor’s face was wrinkled in extreme displeasure as she patted the white cream into his skin with a slapping sound.

Always amusing.

Perched upon the picnic table next to them was none other than Joshua Hong. He sent you a friendly greeting wave.

“What’s up?” You asked, leaving Uncle Jin with Serena so you could make your way over to your chagrined little brother, your mom, and Joshua. “Where’s Dad and Alice? Hey Josh.”

He replied pleasantly, “Hey Yn.”

“Your dad’s grabbing something from the car with her,” she dismissed. “Would you mind showing Joshua where we put our bandages? We have so many of the little ones—”

“It’s just a little cut; I swear I’m fine!” Joshua chuckled good-naturedly. He showed you the slice in the side of his finger that was only a couple of centimeters long, but you could tell that he’d just recently cleaned it up and was holding it with a small piece of napkin.

Your mom made a noise of disagreement. “It’s going to get infected on the hike.”

You shuffled on your feet, offering him a small smile. “Sorry, man. I have to agree with her.”

“Thank you. You remember where the bandages are, right? You and Josh just go run up really quick together.”

You didn’t even realize when Kevin got here. “Oh, why don’t I just get one from my place for you?” Kevin waltzed into the conversation with an innocent expression, hands tucked into the pockets of his shorts, as he appeared at your side. “Since we’re just right here.”

Joshua gestured toward him with his hand-clutching-hand situation and hopped off from the picnic table top. “If you don’t mind.”

“Yeah, dude, it’s no problem.” Kevin’s hand met the place between your shoulders with a warm pat, and he led Joshua up to his family’s cabin for the bandages.

Your amusement followed after them as you watched them leave. Your mom sent you a curious look, eyes narrowed in question, and you could only shrug helplessly.

The hike commenced shortly after the boys got back from raiding the Moon’s medicine cabinet. Your dad and Alice returned sometime before they did, and Alice had once again requested you put her hair up in, as she said, “Something nice.” As if the wilderness would care about her nice hair-do, but you gave her a plait that matched Serena’s.

Your brother and sister kept near to you as you led the group through the beginning of the trail. Though you didn’t consider yourself as someone who exercised religiously, you never turned down a good foraging session. Your freshman environmental science course had presented you with plenty of opportunity to dive into the dense forest areas near the building. Even in the early reaches of the morning (8:30 morning labs were sometimes difficult to be disciplined about, but you were determined), when the fog clung to the forest floor and dew slipped down velvety oak leaves, you found yourself at peace.

At some point in time, Connor picked up a large fallen stick and used it as a hiking staff. “You shall not pass!” He declared after running a little ways ahead of you and mimicked the deepness of Gandolf’s voice.

You snorted as you passed by him and ruffled his hair. “Name the series that’s from and then we can talk, dude.”

“You’re never any fun!” Connor garbled, jogging after you.

You scoffed, pressing a hand against your chest in feigned offense. “I’m way more fun than you are,” you retorted.

“Okay, prove it! Make this more fun.”

“So you’re saying this hike isn’t fun?” You gasped.

Connor stabbed at the dirt path warn into the ground that weaved through the trees ahead for miles. It was by no means a challenging hike, just a lengthy one that required a bit of enthusiasm and endurance. “Well last time, you brought that thing—”

“Sugar water,” you supplied.

“—yeah, that one—and we caught butterflies!” Painted Lady butterflies were a common species of butterfly that was widespread among North America. Luckily, it hadn't been too difficult to find them.

“Woah, you guys caught butterflies last year? Without me?” Man, this guy was just everywhere today, you thought jokingly, as Kevin appeared on your other side with a boyish grin on his face. “That’s cool.”

“We didn’t catch them,” you corrected. It was more so a lure with the sugar water (a substitute for nectar), letting the kids see the insect up close, and then setting it free. You were no lepidopterologist—butterflies were cool, but no special interest of yours. “They just landed in my hand for a little. You should’ve been there to take pictures.”

Kevin hit the palm of hand against his forehead. “That’s what I forgot! I forgot to bring my camera on the hike.”

“Tsk tsk, what would your sister say now?” You chided playfully.

He pressed his lips together in a grimace. “Don’t bring her up—I can hear the echo of her voice as we speak.” To prove his point, he pressed his fingers to his temples, eyes fluttering closed, as if he really could hear his sister’s teasing from wherever she was.

You humored him with a laugh—

“Yn! I’m gonna climb that boulder!”

Okay, fun time was over. You tracked the sound of your brother’s voice, and with barely enough time to catch up to him, you set off the beaten path to follow. “Hey, you better be careful or Mom’s gonna put you on bedrest for the rest of the trip,” you chuckled as Kevin fell in step beside you. You said to him offhandedly, “Would you possibly mind…”

“Yeah, I got it.” He did a small jog over to the cluster of boulders your brother had begun to scale. Going bouldering wasn’t a new activity for you and your siblings, but you remembered that these ones were a little larger than your mom was usually comfortable with. You were grateful Kevin understood immediately.

He was already standing below where Connor was, playing along with whatever roleplay your brother had made up, all the while hovering in case he fell.

The rest of the party caught up to you at this point, and Alice, Uncle Jin, Sana, and even Josh converged upon the rock formation in a flurry of giggles and mirthful playtime. You observed the action with ill-concealed fondness for everyone there as they came together and helped one another climb to the topmost boulder as if it were the peak of Mount Everest. Something warmed within you at the sight.

On your left, Yuna, who was on Leena duty this morning, came to stand beside you. Some of the parents were pulling out cell phones to record all the chaos going on. “Why don’t you go up with them?” She asked, inclining her head to the rock formation.

Josh was just beckoning Kevin up with him, and you saw Kevin’s head turned back over his shoulder. When his eyes found yours, Kevin waved you over, too.

“I should,” you murmured in agreement.

Yuna hummed as she adjusted the little bonnet on Leena’s head. “You know, Kevin…” she began. You waited for her to finish, but she smiled instead, shaking her head. “Nevermind. Go have fun, you bean.”

You giggled at the nickname, then wasted little time going to join everyone else. You could probably ask her what she was going to say later.

The evening found the group of you gathered on the shady back lawn between yours and the Moons’ cabin for dinner once again. The Xus and Hongs had all retired to their own respective houses for downtime, so it would just be the three original families. You perched a little ways away on the back stairs of your house’s porch, a bowl of peelable tangerines in your lap. At your feet, you had rolled the edges of a brown paper bag you’d found beneath the sink to use as a disposal. All of the compostable waste you and everyone else produced while here would become great fertilizer and mulch. It was something you usually had your siblings help with, especially before you left the lake.

Kevin had his cap turned backwards as he made his way over to you in flip flops. “That seat taken?” He asked with a nod toward the board next to you.

Your eyebrows rose. “All yours.”

“Thanks,” he beamed, doing a silly waddle, then sitting down next to you. He reached into the bowl on your lap for an orange, and you moved the compost bag between your bodies. “Your mom was talking about Josh again,” he said as he dug his thumb into the skin of the tangerine. Its juices sprayed into the air and released its sweet fragrance.

“Why am I not surprised?” You sighed with a shake of his head. “You know, he’s really good with my siblings though.”

“Oh, is he?”

You shrugged, shoveling a tangerine half into your mouth. “Mm—yeah,” you said once you’d swallowed. “But you’re also good with my siblings. I dunno, it was just an observation.” Based on what you saw on the hike, you could confidently conclude that your siblings agreed with both Kevin and Josh. They were both friendly beyond means, easy on the eyes, kind on the soul.

Kevin didn’t say anything for a beat, and still didn’t say anything until he’d finished the orange in his hands and picked up a new one. “I hear he’s going into medicine. I have a friend who’s going into medicine.”

“Which one?” You asked, then joked, “Don’t tell me it’s Jacob now…”

When Kevin gave you a sheepish expression, you shook your head, “Okay, now I think you’re obsessed with this guy.” All the teasing was in good fun, of course.

“He’s just my soulmate,” he lamented with a hand draped over his forehead for added effect. “No biggie.”

“Damn,” you laughed. You popped a wedge of tangerine into your mouth, eyes going to the sky for a moment as you pondered on something. “So you say that when Jacob met his current girlfriend, it was because of you.”

“Yup.”

“So you set them up? You matchmade them?”

He nodded. “I’m very proud of myself, actually. I take credit for all of their milestones and anniversaries. I better be the Best Man at their wedding, and—”

“But you matchmade them; doesn’t that make you a hypocrite?”

Kevin’s speech came to an abrupt halt. You watched, in blatant amusement, as his face contorted and arranged itself in the five stages of grief. “Oh my god… I am a hypocrite.”

For a moment, you felt bad for laughing at his blanched expression. “It doesn’t make you a bad person,” you assured him.

“It makes me a hypocrite.” He hung his head, but shot back up just as quickly. “Okay, but wait! It’s different.”

“Do tell.”

“It’s different because Jacob never told me he didn’t want to be matchmade.” The calculations taking place in his head were as stark to you, the observer, as if he was working it out on a white board. His eyebrows knitted together. “Yeah. That’s the difference. Plus, that match was fully successful, and he ended up putting in a lot of the work himself by the end anyway.”

You bobbed your head in agreement. “Fair enough.”

Kevin settled his chin on his hand, eyes slicing back over to you. “Aren’t you a hypocrite, too, then?”

You blinked. “I have no idea what you’re talking about.”

His face said it all. “Jenna from fifth grade.”

Oh. It all came rushing back to you…

But before anything else could be commented on the matter (read: before you could go through your own miniature existential crisis like Kevin had), a presence appeared, squatting down between the two of you. “What—” Jin covered Leena’s ears as he sat down, “—is the mother-effing tea?”

You and Kevin immediately scooted over to make room for the uncle coming in hot. You moved the compost bag back to the other side of your leg.

Kevin chuckled. “You said ‘mother-effing.’”

“Aish,” he exhaled, wrinkling his nose up. “Yuna’s on relax mode right now and has two beers in her. I get a pass, okay? Now catch me up on all of the exciting stuff.”

You and Kevin traded glances. “What exciting stuff?”

Jin’s expression flattened into a deadpan. “Don’t be like that. You two have been so secretive lately; I wanna be let in on the secret stuff.”

“I don’t know if it’s necessarily a secret…” You drawled.

Kevin scratched the back of his head. “Uh, yeah. Well, we’ve kind of figured out that our moms are trying to set us up with Josh and Serena instead of each other now.”

You didn't know what you were expecting Uncle Jin to reply, but he gave a nod. "Ah, I can see that." He sucked in a breath through his teeth, "Why did they suddenly go 360 on the two of you? It seems kind of out of left field."

"Well, we kind of asked them to stop trying to get us two together."

Jin hummed. "Yah, that makes sense. It all makes sense now." He made an old-man noise out of his throat as he shifted his position and the way that Leena rested on his chest. You and Kevin buckled down and hung off his words. "They probably only mean well, you know that, right? Right. But I can see that you both are still uneasy about that, and I get that, too. So—I'll tell you what.

"I'll help you guys out," he said. "I think they already know I'm nosy enough to butt in everywhere, so it shouldn't be a problem for me to… tch tch, y'know—" He gestured very indulgently with his hands, "—do my thing—am I making any sense? It's been a long day."

Another look passed between you and Kevin, then you both shared a laugh, relief making your postures relax and your grins widen. "No, we understand completely."

It seemed like you just gained an ally.

EPISODE SIX: CAN I BE A ROCK IN MY NEXT LIFE? THANKS.

THERE was a collection of jet skis that someone around the lake owned, and Kevin's parents would rent them out once every summer for everyone to use. Of course, it was mainly for the older kids and adults; thus, your siblings and the little Kims were banned from partaking in the festivities, much to your siblings' chagrin. It was for safety reasons that they were forced to find some other method of entertainment for the day.

You trudged your way down the path from the Kims' house to yours. In your hand, you wielded the light blue stick of baby sunscreen Seokjin asked you to fetch for his girls, but based on the fact that Leena, Sana, nor Yuna were even out here, it was safe to assume it was really for him.

Those who were participating in riding jet skis, and some who just wanted to watch and soak up the summer sun, were gathered somewhere between your house and the Moon house again. The two properties shared a single dock made of wood faded out from the sun and washed by the lake water. You could recall summer after summer running down the pier and cannonballing into the water.

"Hey! I got your sunscreen!" You hollered as you neared the group down by the water, raising the sunscreen stick up in the air.

The five or so heads turned toward you at the sound of your voice. You didn't miss Kevin's presence specifically, his arms sticking out from the life vest strapped to his chest. You did not deign to look further.

Jin raised his hand. "My Savior! Thanks, Yn-ie!"

You tossed the sunscreen down to him and he caught it between both of his hands before beginning to slather the cream all over his face.

You noted the last life vest sitting on the edge of the dock closest to land and made a beeline for it.

Just as you descended the hill, your mom appeared in your view with an empty plate in her hands, the bottom ringed in a translucent red liquid. "Yn, honey. Can you do me a huge favor and chop up the last watermelon? I didn't realize we would need more. Your dad and Kevin's dad are driving into town right now for some extra provisions and an extra large watermelon."

"Oh, sure." Your eyes skittered to the vest on the dock, but you realized slicing the watermelon wouldn't take too long.

You took the plate from your mom without further comment and began making your way up the hill to your house.

As you slid the door open, the sound of chatter carried from the living room floor. Eyes peered up from where they were seated, surrounding the coffee table on the floor. A colorful array of beads and string was strewn over the surface, and you came to a distinct conclusion as to where all the non-jet-skiers had gone.

"Hello everyone," you mused, closing the screen door behind you.

Josh was the first to say hello back. "Wanna join us? We're making friendship bracelets." He lifted the craft in his hands as if the beads and materials displayed weren't proof enough.

You leaned over the back of the couch. "Looks like fun! Maybe I will."

Outside by the lake, Kevin monitored the back door of your cabin for when you would make your way back out. He had been wanting to race you on a jet ski ever since the owners brought them over for everyone to use.

There were a grand total of five people surrounding the opening to the dock: Kevin and his mom, your mom, Jin, and Serena. Everyone except for the moms were strapped in lifejackets in preparation to board one of the two jet skis sitting in port.

"Huh," Jin said as he craned his head up in the direction Kevin's was in. "Wonder what's taking her so long."

"I'm sure she's just taking her time or something." Kevin pushed off of the post he was leaning against. "I'll go check up on her—"

“Oh, no-no-no! It’s okay,” your mom protested, her body already turn-tailed to head up to the house. Even Kevin’s mom made a gesture for him to stay put. “We’ll go check up on Yn.”

Kevin’s mom then gestured with her arm toward Serena, who had wandered off further down the dock to inspect one of the vehicles waiting in the water. “Why don’t you go help her with the jet ski?”

“And me!” Seokjin boisterously slung an arm around his cousin-in-law’s shoulders and swung him toward the entrance of the pier.

Kevin’s eyes went wide when he almost tumbled face-first into the hardwood. “Shit,” he sputtered. “Uh, Uncle Jin?”

“Yep?”

“That sounded fishy to you, too, right?”

Jin let out a laugh and patted Kevin’s shoulder in consolation. “Yep.”

“I feel like I haven’t seen you all afternoon.” The words left your mouth as you blocked the unforgiving golden hour sun with a hand to your forehead. The light at this time of day gleamed across the surface of the lake and gave the illusion of a molten pot of gold. You imagined swimming in it, dipping your toes into its warm innards from the end of the dock.

Kevin stood at the edge of the lake’s shoreline with his hair dried from a day of jet skiing, a fresh T-shirt over his chest and the lifejacket from earlier nowhere to be seen. That, along with the jet skis. Those had been returned a little over an hour ago. “We were off doing our separate things, I guess,” he said, his arms folded across his chest. “Speaking of, where’ve you been? You went to cut watermelon and never came back.” He added a small laugh to his words, hoping you wouldn’t think he was bothered by the fact that the two of you didn’t get to hang out on jet skis together.

“Oh, heh.” The sheepishness in your voice made him glance over at you. You didn’t know why you were suddenly getting so shy about it, but from the pocket of your shorts, you withdrew a small piece of beaded string, tied at the end in one of those fancy loops that were adjustable. You didn’t know how it was done; Joshua had done something with the end like magic. “Yuna, Josh, and the kids were all inside making friendship bracelets and they kind of roped me into it.”

“Ah.”

“This one’s for you,” you said, holding it out to him. It was a quirky piece with white block letter beads strung together next to acrylic star and pony beads. You’d scavenged a crescent moon somewhere amongst all the pandemonium, and it sat next to the letter N on the chain.

Kevin peered at you and his irises gleamed with the brilliance of golden hour. He frowned in joy, delicately accepting the chain from you with his bottom lip jutted out in a combination frown-pout. “You’re incredible,” he gushed as he inspected the little gift. “Dude, I’m honestly so touched. This is so cute.”

You broke out into a grin, your heart bursting with pride in your chest. “Glad it’s not cringy.”

“I’m offended for you,” he scoffed, aghast. “How could you think this is cringy?” It was probably a genuine question, but you kept silent as you watched him loop the end of the bracelet around his wrist and struggled to figure out how to tie off the end with one hand.

You stepped forward, and he stuck his hand out to you. “Shua showed me how this works,” you murmured, wracking your brain for the quick how-to Joshua showed with his own wrist. (You had been too confused to ask him to see it done again, and only nodded and smiled.)

“Shua?”

“Mm, yeah, apparently he makes a lot of friendship bracelets, especially for friends at school.” Your tongue stuck out of the corner of your mouth as you tried something and… “Ta-da!”

With the bracelet secured onto his wrist, Kevin beamed like a kid on Christmas, and held it up to show it to the setting sun. “It’s great—it’s perfect. Thank you, Yn.”

It was some sort of cosmic magic that corralled everyone back down to the shoreline again, but this time, with all of the kids and non-jet-skiers, as well. Another tradition that your party liked to share every year at the lake was rock-skipping. Perhaps it was more of just an activity than a tradition, but it was something that none of you failed to remember to do whenever you were up here. Since you were a kid, you had been practicing to hone your technique.

Your siblings and the Kims, especially, all ran up to the shoreline beside you and Kevin, and the search for the perfect throwing rock began. In the chaos of merriment and childlike glee, the lot of you trudged into the cooling water of the lake’s shallow shore.

“I know you just gave me the coolest friendship bracelet ever,” said Kevin from beside you as he sifted through the rocks beneath his flip flops, “but I hope you know that I’m gonna crush you this year.”

You snorted. “Okay, Kevin.”

“No, I’m serious!” You guffawed at the sight of his expression; he’d even stood up straight in the water, a pair of flat stones in either hand. “My friend YH!Yn—she’s an engineer, right—”

“Oh, so you’re gonna win by cheating?”

“Nuh-uh,” he rolled his eyes, unimpressed by your posturing. “She showed me this video online. You know Mark Rober? She’s a huge fan, but that’s besides the point. The point is that the video taught me the perfect technique to rock-skip.”

Something in you liked to think that was still cheating, but then again, neither of you had ever really established any ground rules to this, and certainly none about doing research. Your eyes narrowed. “Explain yourself.”

Kevin decided between one of the two rocks in his hands with a brief peek at both of them, before discarding the one in his left hand back into the water with an anticlimactic sploosh. “You’re supposed to launch the rock so it hits the surface of the water at a twenty-degree angle.”

Joshua trudged into the water near both you and Kevin with the sleeves of his plaid over-shirt rolled past his elbows. “I don’t even know what kind of rock to look for, and you guys are bringing trig into this?”

“Oh my god, don’t even get them started,” Jin grumbled from a handful of meters away from the three of you. He kicked through the shallow water with his eyes pinned to the ground in his own search for a rock to skip. “Yn almost gave me a black eye one year.”

“That was an accident and I was ten!”

“Yeah, well rocks hurt!”

Joshua bent down slightly and scooped up a rock from the water. He considered it for a minute, taking in its size, its weight, and how pretty it was. “I guess this can work. So do you guys have, like, a training boot camp for beginners or something?” He chuckled.

“I can show you,” you offered once you’d decided on your own rock for the first round.

“Tch,” Kevin huffed, “if you wanna show him the wrong way to do it.”

Your jaw unhinged. “If you keep this up, I will take back that friendship bracelet, Moon Hyungseo.”

Jin covered his mouth with one of his hands and sidled up next to Joshua. “Ooh, she used the government name.” That coaxed another laugh out of the Los Angeles boy.

Kevin held his decorated wrist to his chest. “You can pry it from my cold, dead hands.”

Suffice to say that when it came down to it, Kevin did have the better technique. There were really four main things to consider when rock-skipping, one of them being that the rock ideally should hit the water at twenty-degrees, as Kevin had mentioned before. Though, you did have to give yourself some credit for managing to work your way up to thirteen skips in a row without the help of an engineer friend.

EPISODE SEVEN: ALWAYS TREAT YOUR PLANTS WITH CARE

VACATION granted you the express permission to be the laziest bum in the world. After three years of college work, sometimes it was nice to have even a single day to yourself to do what you always wanted to: relax. In a world that moved as fast as this one, it was nearly impossible to take breaks without feeling the aching guilt of a day without productivity.

But there was something about the lake… you didn't know. Maybe it was just because years of coming here and associating it with the ease and carefree air of childhood that made it easier to sleep in and feel the sun on your toes.

The house and the neighboring ones were quiet this late morning. At ten or so, the Kims had swept up your siblings and their children and towed them off to town for ice cream and provisions. (You hoped they remembered to grab you some bird seed. You still had yet to replenish the bird feeders around the lake.) You weren't sure where your parents were off to, but you recalled them briefly mentioning a visit to the hidden swing at Lookout's Peak about a three mile hike from here. That meant that you had the whole house to yourself.

And what else did that mean? That you would not be in the house.

When it hit noon, you ate a quick lunch at the kitchen counter before gathering up your supplies to head outside. There was always a spare picnic blanket stashed in the hallway closet, and you grabbed a book, your neglected sketchbook, and a pencil to come along with you.

The weather was perfect, you liked to think—temperate, and not popsicle-melting, with a hint of a breeze wafting through the boughs of the oak trees. You trudged your way over to the largest oak tree with the most amount of shade, gunning to get some full relaxing done when you realized that you were not as alone as you thought you were.

You and Kevin locked eyes from where he sat against the trunk of the tree, his iPad left at his side and his camera being fiddled with between his fingers. The friendship bracelet you gave him the other day still hung around his wrist.

"Hi," he grinned. "I thought you went into town with the twins."

"Ah, nah" you sighed pleasantly as you shifted the things in your arms, "I decided to sleep in. You?"

"Same here." He amended, "Well, as much as someone like me can sleep in." He gestured to the picnic blanket bundled over your arm. "How about I help you with that?"

With teamwork (because that made the dream work), the two of you laid out the picnic blanket on the shady grass beneath the oak tree, overlooking the view of the lake. You settled yourself atop it while Kevin moved his things beside you; shoes were discarded at the edge, so you both sat comfortably on the blanket, half-facing the other.

You reached for your sketchbook, inclining your chin toward the DSLR now sitting abandoned as he picked up his iPad. "What were you up to before I got here?"

"Oh, uh, just looking through some photos I took this morning to maybe use as a reference," he said, twirling his Apple pencil between his fingers. "I keep forgetting to take pictures on this trip."

"Maybe it's a good thing," you offered. You tucked a lock of hair behind your ear and flipped to a blank page. "Let's you live in the moment, y'know?"

"Yeah. I guess so." He tapped the end of his pencil against his cheek. You were never the type for fancy technology and equipment, mainly because you were a little stubborn, but nothing could beat a good pencil and paper. "I'm gonna draw you," he suddenly declared.

A giggle bubbled out of your chest. "What? Me?"

"Yeah, why not?"

"Well then, I'm gonna draw you."

His eyebrows shot up, an amused smile worming onto his face. "You do you, honey."

The two of you, coincidentally, came to share quite the handful of interests. One of them was sketching, and you liked to give credit to your ecology and biology classes at school that gave you the time to practice your drawing skills, even if super accurate drawings weren't always required. It just gave you an excuse to combine two things you loved.

You never did pick up how to use a DSLR though. At least, not like Kevin knew how to.

You sat there for a moment with your cheek to your fist and your eyes glued to the man across from you. Drawing people was difficult—it was always the subtle details that threw you overboard, the movement of the hands and fingers, the crevices in the wrinkle of one's eyes, the… the look. The thing that made them look like a human being.

Kevin had always been a beautiful subject matter. His bone structure was near perfect in your eyes; his smile was awful to draw just because it was so pretty, and you couldn't do it justice. You could never achieve the right curl of his lips, or infuse it with his humility. And even now, you watched the way his eyelashes fell so gently over his eyes and the dusting of pink falling across his cheekbones…

"You're staring."

You blinked, breaking out of your daze. "I'm studying my subject," you clarified pointedly and began to sketch out a rough outline of his head. A portrait would do just fine for the day.

Kevin mimicked your position from earlier where he leaned in slightly and rested his cheek against his fist. "There was this internship I turned down this summer."

His words made you glance up from your paper for a moment.

He continued on, straightening, then absentmindedly sketching out an outline for your face. "It was supposed to be in New York, at this studio, but…" He blew air out between his lips, "I don't know; I couldn't do it. It was a great opportunity and it didn't call to me, but I feel so guilty about not even trying."

You waited a beat in case he wanted to continue. You could see the conflict warring across this face, the subtle flex in his jaw at his frustration—with the portrait or himself, you weren't sure.

"Sorry, I don't know why I suddenly just thought of that," he said to you. "I was just thinking about this place and not being here last year, and I think my brain just went to that."

You looked over at him in earnest. "I feel you, I mean… some things just aren't meant to be, and you shouldn't force it. That's how you get burnt out, y'know?"

"Yeah," he murmured in agreement.

"I was looking at an internship, too," you piped up with a shape exhale. "I—I didn't get it, clearly, but uhm…" It still hurt.

Kevin frowned. "Oh, man. I'm sorry, Yn. I feel like I'm just complaining now that—"

"No, oh my gosh, no!" You hurried to interrupt him. "Don't be silly," you said gently, "you shouldn't invalidate your feelings like that. Some things just really aren't meant to be." It didn't mean it hurt any less that they weren't, but maybe this was the path you were meant to take instead. "It's something I'm coming to terms with, too, but don't compare your troubles against mine. Please."

He worried his bottom lip between his teeth, and it took him a little to finally try for a half smile. "You're gonna get the next one."

You smiled back at him. "Thanks. And you'll find one that suits you."

"I hope so."

"Do you ever worry about," you began as you played around with the slightest curve of his nose on your paper, "not being who people want you to be?"

He hummed. "What do you mean?"

"Like, successful. I'm not really sure where I'm going with this." You didn't know where this had sprouted from in the first place, but one insecurity in particular had nested in the inner cavities of your chest and made itself a home. As someone who wanted to be at wildlife encampments, not catering to fancy rich dogs in a clinic, your path wasn't conventional. You were becoming a veterinarian, but your parents always thought you would end up someplace nice with a pay that was equally nice. Something practical, something they didn't have to worry over. Your calling was… elsewhere though. Somewhere a little more difficult to reach without the prying eyes and mouths of those around you.

Kevin marinated on it. "I think… the two of us are kind of similar in that way. We're both not taking on things that people have expected of us."

Out of everyone you knew, you had a feeling he would be one of the few who could empathize. "There's—there's this thing I want to do," you said. You couldn't figure out the words to string your thoughts into coherent speech; you felt like it would never come out right. But Kevin was patient. "I've always wanted to go on safari expeditions, and observe wildlife in the wild, and do research, and work with conservatories. It feels so unattainable sometimes, when I think about the people looking at me and expecting something good. Does that make sense?"

He gave a thoughtful nod, his Apple pencil tucked behind his ear for the time being. "Yeah, that makes sense. I remember you talked about it before."

That rang a bell. "When I made you watch the David Attenborough Our Planet doc series," you mused. In association, your brain sparked images of late nights, blue-light screens, and flashlights beneath blanket forts. You had been fully convinced Kevin would say the documentary series would be boring like everyone else, but to your pleasant surprise, he had been just as enthralled as you'd been.

"You didn't make me," he smiled. "I liked it."

Your chest warmed. "I still have it downloaded on my phone if you wanna watch."

He screwed his face up in amusement, shaking his head. "You're one of the biggest dorks I know. And I know so many dorks now."

"I'm still your favorite dork though, right?" You smiled down at your paper when you were satisfied with how his eyes turned out.

"Always."

A beat passed, and from your periphery, you saw him tap the blanket in front of you to get your attention.

"Hey, you're gonna be okay," he said. "One day, you will go hide in a bunker in the Siberian winter to wait for tigers like a crazy person—"

"Okay, wait, out of all the examples you watched in the doc, you chose—"

"Anyways!" He grinned at the look you sent him, unfazed. "We're both gonna be okay, alright? We're chasing dreams, and sometimes the chase is hard, but the reward is sweet."

You knew he was right; of course he was right. Talking things out was always a good idea, especially with a trusted person, and who better to trust than Kevin Moon? You had friends who understood, but not really understood.

You reached for his pencil with the end of yours and you bumped ends like ET. The corners of your lips curled upward as you met his gaze, and you were struck by the softness in his rich, chocolate irises. No sketch, painting, portrait could do those beautiful eyes justice. "Don't call me a nerd for this."

"No promises."

You fixed him with a look. "There's this thing that plants do called phototropism. Because plants need light to synthesize into food and energy, they often turn and grow towards the nearest light source. So even in, let's say, a dark hole in the ground—if there's a crack in the roof that brings light in, the plant will grow in that direction, and probably grow its way out." You cleared your throat. "Thanks for showing me the light."

Kevin's eyes shone big and wide, doe-like you liked to say, almost in awe of the explanation of a basic function plants performed to survive. But twisted in a certain way, and one could apply it to everyday non-plant life, as well.

"Now how can I possibly call you a nerd after that?" His voice went raspy and he had to clear it, too. "I think I'm getting misty-eyed," he said, fanning his eyes.

You chuckled at his antics. "Oh, hush. I guess it's my way of saying thanks for reminding me I'm not gonna be a failure." It was scary how often you thought about it, especially at college.

Kevin reached over and warmed one of your hands with his. "You're not gonna be a failure, Yn. I promise you that."

All of the kids were asleep in the back of the Kims' minivan, and it took two trips back and forth between the car and the living room to transfer all four sleeping munchkins. By the time Jin and Yuna were done, the former was certain he was going to need a cane much earlier in his life than previously anticipated.

He held his back as they made their way out onto the back porch. "I think I'm aging faster," he said to his partner.

Yuna sputtered out a laugh. "Aye, so dramatic, and for what? You're gonna survive."

"No sympathy," he sighed melodramatically as he hung off her frame. "I wonder where everyone else is."

His voice trailed off as they stood on the porch and overlooked the valley below. Just further out, they could easily see the occupants of the big oak tree between yours and the Moons' houses. You and Kevin sat slightly angled toward one another, not quite sitting next to each other, but not quite facing each other either.

The laughter was apparent on your faces as Kevin showed you something on his iPad. You grabbed the screen with ill-concealed delight, your eyes lighting up like a pair of fireflies. "No, oh my god, the little sprout on top of my head! You didn't!"

Yuna murmured softly to her lover with a chuckle, "Should we go say hello?"

Seokjin adjusted his position so now his arm rested around her shoulders. A smile etched onto his face at the view; he was so fond of the very thing neither you nor Kevin could see just yet. "Well, how could you possibly want to break that up?"

EPISODE EIGHT: NOD AND SMILE… YUP.

YOU weren't really sure why it took so long before you all deigned to take a proper dip in the lake, but as they said, better late than never.

The sun beat down on the little lake population, even at ten in the morning, which made it perfect weather to go swimming. Your house was a-bustle with life, thunderous footsteps, and motherly yelling to her children of “You better all have sunscreen on!” You were just finishing up the task yourself, rubbing in the last handprint of sunblock onto your calf before you were grabbing your towel at the end of your bed and heading out.

You caught Alice coming down the stairs with her floral one-piece on and a set of blue goggles strapped to her head. This morning, her hair was in two braids. “Do you have sunscreen on?” You asked her as you opened the back screen door.

“Yes,” she groaned as if this was the hundredth time she’d been asked that question today. Knowing your family, it probably was the hundredth time. “Do we still have the flamingo floatie?”

“We can probably pop down to the shed and see,” you suggested. You blinked in surprise at the person you found leaning against the railing of your back porch. “Why hello there.”

Joshua glanced up from the piece of string in his hands that he had tied at the ends to form one, large ring. “Hi guys! Either of you ladies know how to play Cat’s Cradle?” His hands slipped in between the string so that the ring rested on the backs of his fingers. In a movement that sent a wave of nostalgia down your spine, he maneuvered his hands through the string to form the zigzag pattern correspondent with the beloved childhood game.

“Ooh! Me, me!” Alice bounced around on the balls of her feet and rushed over to where Josh was to pick out the next pattern.

The screen door behind you opened up again as soon as you stepped foot onto the deck. Your dad appeared with your little brother, both of whom were dressed in rash guards and swim trunks. Your dad hustled his son along. “Yn-ah, we’re going down to the shed to get swimming things. Wanna come?”

“Wait, Daddy, can we get the flamingo floatie?” Alice asked your dad. Joshua finished up the next pattern, and your sister was quick to grab the next.

“Sure. We have to go now, though.”

With little else left to say or do, your dad ferried your little siblings off and around the house to where the shed was. It was tucked out of the way somewhere between your house and the Kims’ place.

You sidled up beside Joshua and slung your towel over your shoulder, noting his tank top and shorts. “You going for a swim with us?”

He gestured to his attire, nodding. “Seems like it. My parents wanted to run into town to do some shopping, see the sights. Your mom mentioned last night that you all were planning to go swimming today, so I thought I’d tag along, if that’s okay.”

“Yeah, man—it’s totally cool.”

You gazed far out toward the lake down the lawn. There were already a few people there, including Kevin and the Kims. Sana and Leena were already frolicking around in the water with their dad, while Yuna and Kevin stood off to the side on the dock. It seemed that Yuna had brought down a pair of foldable chairs to set up there, perhaps to soak up a little sun.

The two of them exchanged a couple more words before Yuna left him there so she could go pick up Leena from falling face-first in the water. Leena was still an infant, after all.

You decided that this would be a good time to run and join him, but your thoughts slowed to a halt when Kevin picked up the bottom hem of his shirt and pulled it over his head. You even heard Joshua beside you lose his breath. The sunlight had to be a paid actor or something, because the way it glowed across your friend’s shoulders, enunciating the firm muscles in his back, had to be illegal in nature.

Joshua’s low whistle of appreciation met your ears. “Wow… he’s ripped.”

You nodded absentmindedly. “Yeah.” Whoops, did you say that out loud?

The man simply chuckled and bounded down the porch. “C’mon, Yn. Let’s go join them before he catches you staring.”

If there was anything else that you and Kevin took seriously besides rock-skipping, it was the game Marco Polo. The rules were simple: an elected tagger would play with their eyes closed, yelling out “Marco” in order to locate other players in the water. The tagger had three or five opportunities to open their eyes (this was enforced for safety reasons) in order to tag everyone. Those who were not the tagger were required to reply with “Polo” in response to the tagger’s call.

Boundaries of the game ranged from your house to Kevin’s house, and no hiding beneath the dock. (Only the tagger could pass beneath that zone.)

By the time it was Kevin’s turn to tag, nearly an hour and a half had gone by, and you could feel the sun’s rays seeping into you. The heat was getting to you, and by the looks on everyone else’s faces, it was getting to them, too. But… one last round never hurt anybody.

"Are you guys ready?" Kevin's mom stood on the dock with her hands on her son's shoulders. Kevin's eyes were screwed shut where he sat on the edge of the dock, his feet swinging where they dangled over the water. Everyone stood scattered in the water, biding their time before Kevin's mom let him hop in.

She surveyed the surrounding water for nods of confirmation. You lingered just at the outer edge of the boundary, face half in the water with your eyes peeking out to hide your smile. You would swim back in should he come this way, but the buoy behind you kept you from cheating.

When she was satisfied with what she saw, she patted him on the shoulders. "Okay, Kevin."

He lowered himself into the water. "Marco!"

"Polo," came the wary response, a voice from every corner and reach of the boundary, it seemed.

He honed in on a voice—not yours, it seemed, but Uncle Jin's—and slowly treaded over toward that direction. You saw your uncle's eyes widen in fear, and he ducked under the water for a swift second to attempt at a silent getaway.

"I can hear you," Kevin chuckled as he swung his arm over his head to adopt a freestyle stroke. The tone of his voice sounded awfully menacing.

"YAH! GET AWAY FROM ME!" Jin screeched, no longer trying to stay quiet.

One by one, Kevin picked people off. Yuna had a little disadvantage since she had Sana clinging to her back the whole time, so she was given a merciful second life. But when she was caught once more, it was onto dry land for her and her daughter.

Kevin treaded water on the other side of the boundary. In the water, it was just you two.

"Fighting, Yn-ie!" Jin cheered from the shore. A towel was draped over his shoulders with Sana sucking on a watermelon by his leg.

You saw your siblings and Josh raise up their fists in encouragement. "Get him, Yn!"

"Wow, thanks guys," Kevin replied dryly, shaking the water out of his hair. His eyes were miraculously still closed; you had no idea how and when he got so good at this. He still had one more opportunity to open his eyes.

You grinned. "Are you sure you're not cheating by the way?" You drawled with a feigned look of consideration, as if he could see what you looked like.

He gasped. "Me? Cheating? My abilities are far greater than the need to cheat."

"Okay, prove it."

Why did the universe curse you with such a big fucking mouth?

A swear left you as he launched himself across the safe zone. It was like he knew exactly where you had been hovering in order to reach his ridiculously long arms over his head to try and tag you. You gunned out of the way, narrowly missing the dock as you backstroked back from where he came to avoid him.

"Marco!"

"Screw you—polo!"

His white teeth glistened as he grinned, eyes closed completely shut still. Damn. "I can smell fear."

"Sometimes you can be so dramatic," you taunted.

"Now that's just hurtful." And he took it personally.

Around and around you both went, lakewater thrashing as your arms and legs kicked and pumped as hard as you could. You felt so agile and free at times, a dolphin in your own right.

There was a lull in the game for a minute when you managed to evade Kevin's grasp yet another time. He was patrolling the other side of the dock while you loitered just around the corner, by a post. You could hear on land that everyone had turned their attention away from yours and Kevin's competitiveness in favor of the bag tossing boards Kevin's dad brought out.

"Oh, Yn," he smiled, brushing a hand through his hair absentmindedly. "I'm gonna get ya."

If you weren't worried about being so close to him, you would have thrown a retort right back.

But there was another poor, poor hinge to your plan, and that was the very core of the game you were playing.

He whispered, "Marco."

You screamed internally. "Polo," you whispered, barely audibly.

His head whipped in your direction, and before you could even blink, he used his shortcut beneath the dock to yank your wrist back toward him. "Gotcha!"

"Goddamn it," you groaned as you rested up against the post behind you. The water in this area was just shallow enough that your feet could reach the bottom.

Kevin chuckled as he finally opened his eyes. He blinked feverishly to adjust to the sunlight, then ran a hand through his slicked-back hair. He was so close that you could see the water droplets on his head dribble down the sharp slope of his nose. He took in his surroundings, a sly kind of smirk curling up onto his face. "No hiding beneath the dock, Yn."

"I technically wasn't beneath the dock," you shot back.

"Mhm," he pressed his lips together, brows furrowing. He moved closer and braced one arm against the post above your head. "Say I believe you."

You brushed the sudden butterflies in your stomach away as the heat melted your brain (and not Kevin). "That sounds like you don't believe me."

"Well, either way…" He brought a finger close to your face and tapped your nose. You could have sworn you saw his eyes dart downwards for a second, away from your eyes, toward your mouth. "I win."

EPISODE NINE: KINDLING FOR ALL KINDS OF FIRES

A campfire was always in order.

There were quite a few things that needed to be done before it could happen, however. One of the few things on the list just happened to be going out to find firewood, as well as filling up the bird feeders you left hanging out in the forest beyond. You could kill two birds with one stone. (Definitely not literally though. You hoped you never needed to kill two birds with one stone unless it was for pure survival purposes.)

The bird seed you'd requested to be brought back was… somewhere around here. You couldn't remember where exactly Auntie Yuna said they put the bag, but you would go hunting for it.

You meandered through the first floor of your lake cabin, gradually approaching the kitchen area where you heard voices. As far as you were aware, your parents were holed up in the kitchen with Kevin’s parents, as well as Kevin himself. Your siblings were probably either upstairs or at the Kims’ place. Probably.

“—know Judy’s daughter, right?” You recognized your mom’s voice among the fray. By this time, you stood in the middle of the living room with your hands on your hips. Where in the world was that sneaky bag of bird seed?

Kevin’s mom replied next, “Ah, she’s doing that drawing major or something, right? I forgot what it’s called—”

“Animation,” supplied her husband.

“Yes, that’s the one.” A clinking of metal on china; they were most likely digging into the trifle cake that was assembled earlier in the day.

“I hear there’s something going on and it’s getting more difficult to find work for them.”

A disgruntled sound. “Yah. That's the risk that comes with those art majors. If she had gone into bioengineering like Judy wanted her to, then she wouldn’t be worrying so much.”

You paused from your position in the living room. From your vantage point, you got a clear view into only part of the kitchen, but it was where Kevin lingered with his back to one of the cabinets. He had a bowl of dessert in one hand, the other using the tines of his fork to prod at a bite of cream and cake. His head was tilted down though, and you caught his periodic glances toward the part of the kitchen you couldn’t see where the adults probably were, prattling on and on as if he weren’t standing right there.

Your heart sunk to the pit of your stomach.

Why was he subjecting himself to this? Why didn’t he just pick himself up and leave—? The thought came to you that maybe he thought he deserved to hear this.

Having surveyed the living room enough to know that the bird seed wasn’t here, you did happen to note the presence of his camera sitting on the coffee table. You snatched the device up and headed for the kitchen.

“I think it’s good to cultivate creativity, but there’s a difference between a career and hobbies—”

“Psst.” You grappled onto the side of the doorway, quietly catching Kevin’s attention.

His head perked up at the sound and his eyebrows shot up in question. He offered the bowl in his hands to you. Want some? He mouthed.

You shook your head, then used your free hand to wave him over. Bird seed?

He seemed to understand. With one, massive bite, he finished the rest of his bowl, deposited it in the kitchen sink, then quietly slipped out of the room with you.

When the two of you were in the clear and you were following him over to the closet beneath the stairs (damn, had you really forgotten that this closet existed?), you handed him his camera. “I’m invoking rescue protocol,” you told him.

Kevin accepted his camera with a furrowed brow, watching as you opened up the closet door and found a canvas sack of birdseed sitting there. Huzzah! “Wait, but…” He considered you for a moment, and a slow smile slid onto his face. He ducked his head and threw his camera strap around his neck. “I appreciate you. Have I told you that?”

“And I—” You grunted as you picked the bag up into your arms and used your foot to kick the door closed. “—appreciate you. How’d you know this was where the bird seed was?”

“I just remembered what Uncle Jin said,” he told you with a shrug.

The two of you meandered out of the backdoor and onto the porch in a silent agreement to go fill some bird feeders together. The forest at this time of day was streaked in golden sunlight, emerald green leaves painted over in an amber wash of glitter. It felt warm and comfortable like autumn, but with the color palette of summer. The air was fresh, not crisp, and there was still a dollop of pollen floating around in the air from the tailend of spring.

You and Kevin entered the forest proper, and you shifted the bag into your right hand when you finally got the bag’s handles up and at ‘em. “I know the protocol wasn’t meant for those kinds of situations,” you started.

Kevin let his camera rest in his hands at midriff once he had fiddled with the settings enough to his liking. “I know.”

“They’re wrong, you know?” You turned to look at him as you stopped at the first feeder and let the sack of seed and grain fall to your feet with a thump against the earth. Before you opened up the bag, however, you peered up into the wooden house hanging from the branch, slobbered in messy paints and melting smiley faces. There wasn’t a speck of grain or seed left in this one. Satisfied, you bent down to rip the bag open and take out a scoop with your hands.

The shutter of a camera lens fired. He sighed, lowering the camera so he could inspect the test shot he took. “I’ve come to terms with that—all of their opinions, I mean.” He lifted the viewfinder back up to his eye and took another shot as you shoveled the bird seed into the hole. A small stream of it missed and tumbled to the forest floor. “Sometimes I do think like that, though. Whether or not I should have stuck with psychology and become a teacher instead of photography.”

You folded the edge of the bag over itself after dusting your hands off, and the two of you continued onward. “Are you happy with photography though? Do you like the things you’re learning, the work you’re doing?” That was one of the few metrics that kept you clinging onto your dreams—your hands were getting scraped and sweaty holding onto the side of the cliff face, but even though your shoe slipped against the ledge and threatened a long drop, you held on. Some days, you thought it was a sad, desperate effort; others, you found extra strength to dig your soles in.

He didn’t have to think much before answering. “Yeah, I do. It’s… it’s fulfilling.” He shot you a glance. “I guess it’s something I enjoy so much that most days it doesn’t even feel like work. All of the logistic, ‘real world,’ adult stuff is kind of a headache, but…” Even though his sentence trailed off, you could still follow.

You plopped the sack of seed down on the ground beneath the next bird feeder. “I know that it’s hard to think about what-ifs, and I’m kind of a hypocrite about it, too—but I think—” you scooped up a handful of bird seed and poured it into the opening. This house had a little sunshine painted on the roof. “—Kevin, I think you made the right choice. Obviously, it shouldn’t matter what I think; that’s just what I’ve observed so far.”

“It matters what you think,” he replied quietly. “To me, at least.”

The two of you shared a smile as you dusted your hands off again. The chase is hard, but the reward is sweet—those had been his words to you the other day.

“Do you want me to carry that for you?” He mused, in view of your struggle to pick the damn thing off the ground.

You suddenly gained a spurt of strength and energy. “I’m—great.”

His low chuckle followed you as you went. You could hear his shutter go off again.

“Thank you for assuring me that I took the right risk.” Kevin fell into step beside you once more with his camera cradled in his hands. There was a softness to his eyes again, a kind of tenderness you recognized only when it was just the two of you.

You went for a smile. “I feel you, you know? Maybe not on the same level, but you’re not in crisis alone, okay?”

His shoulder bumped against yours. “Get on my level,” he jested.

Your smile haplessly curled up further. “Yeah, yeah, you five year old.” You leaned over his arm to peer at his camera screen. Your heart hammered, blood spiking, when you saw what the subject of all his shots had been thus far. “Oh my god, have you been taking pictures of me?”

He giggled at your reaction. "What? What else am I supposed to be taking pictures of?"

"Uhm?" You gestured with your arm in a wide arc. "There is literally a whole world around us. Nature is much more photogenic than I am." A nervous laugh bubbled out of your chest as you adjusted a lock of hair that had gotten in your face.

"You are totally photogenic," he scoffed. "Literally look."

The two of you stopped in the middle of the path so he could show you the pictures he had taken thus far. Like most people when they saw a picture of themselves, you wanted to grimace, but you tried to search for what Kevin was seeing.

They were all incredible candid shots. The color was so vivid and bright, the edges crisp and focused. He had captured you at the moment when you were smiling, peeking into the bird feeder. It was that split second before the smile bloomed into something bigger when it only teased at the corner of your mouth.

You leaned back and coughed. "I only look good because you made me look good."

"Now that's bullshit."

You both resumed your walk to the next bird feeder. He said to you, "You can't possibly appreciate nature's beauty without appreciating your own, Yn."

You tilted your head and sent him a sidelong glance. "Why did that sound actually profound?"

"What do you mean actually profound?" His face arranged into an expression of offense. "Am I not regularly profound?"

You smiled to yourself. "I mean… if you had to ask—" Click! "Hey, now wait a minute!"

He beamed something boyish at you from over his camera lens. "Whoops?"

The bird seed bag thumped onto the forest floor again and you moved to check the inside of the next bird feeder. To your utter delight, you were greeted by the sight of sticks and mud and leaves slotted together in a messy riffraff, otherwise known as a bird's nest. You could hear the bright chirping coming out from the feeder's hole, and dark gray feathers poked out.

"We won't disturb these ones," you whispered, backing away to collect your bird seed. But before you left, you took a little of the grain to sprinkle on the outer landing ledge.

You didn't even realize you had been smiling out of pure giddiness until you reached the next feeder on the path. You had always secretly hoped that a bird would take over one of the houses as their own. Lo and behold, that hope manifested into reality.

Kevin helped you out with the next one since this tree was hung with a duplex. It was similar to a human duplex; the house was split down the middle to hold double the feed. The two of you carefully transferred seed and grain into its proper place.

"If you really are uncomfortable with me taking pictures of you," he said as the two of you picked up where you left off, "then I can totally delete them." He made a gesture with his hand. "No harm, no foul."

Heat rose to your cheeks. "It doesn't bother me that much," you admitted sheepishly. "They were good pictures."

"See!" Elated, he slung an arm around your shoulders and tugged you against his side with an affectionate shake. "You see the vision? Do you see it now?"

You couldn't possibly say no to him when his expression was brighter than the sun at high noon. At this moment—this perfect moment—when the sunlight streaming through the trees painted his face in a filter of buttery gold… you could definitely see the vision, but perhaps not the exact one he saw.

EPISODE TEN: YOU WOULD NOT BELIEVE YOUR EYES…

"OH, thank god, you guys went and got firewood!" Jin pressed his hands together in prayer as he jogged over to you and helped transfer the lumber in your arms over to his. On your way back from replenishing the bird feed, you let Kevin hold the remainder of what was left in the bag while you picked up any spare tinder for the fire. There were quite a few loose sticks around that would work nicely for the campfire tonight.

He walked off with your gatherings from the trip, and you and Kevin continued up to your lake house to drop off the bag of bird seed.

"So you were saying about the animal representation thing?" You piped up, recalling where the two of you last ended before your return to home base.

"Oh!" Kevin grinned. "It's so funny because some of my friends—you can totally see the resemblance of an animal, right? But then others don't really get an animal. Like Younghoon: he's just kind of bread."

You nearly tripped over a patch of dirt. "Bread?" You stammered incredulously. "Come again?"

"Bread," he nodded. He murmured in thanks to you when you slid open the screen door for him so he could shuck off his shoes and step inside the house. "But Changmin's a squirrel. Or a giraffe. That's what JC!Yn calls him, anyway; it's because of his long neck."

"Huh," you pondered. Interesting friend group they had going on there. You wondered what you would be…

As you passed by your bedroom on the first floor, you could hear your phone sounding off in aggressive vibrations even through the wooden walls and the closed door. You swore under your breath and pushed into your room to turn it off, then paused when you realized why it had gone off in the first place.

Fireflies.

"Everything okay?" Kevin's voice came back around the bend, his head poking into the space and the bird seed bag nowhere to be seen. He must have put it away just now.

You glanced up at him as you silenced the alarm and tucked your phone into your pocket. You hadn't needed it all that much this entire trip, but you would definitely hold onto it tight tonight. "Huh? Oh, yeah. Ready to head out?"

He didn't question your behavior and nodded. "Ready when you are."

Sometimes campfire smoke burned Kevin's eyes, but that was mostly when he was younger and didn't know any better. The embers of the fire were always so warm and inviting, always luring him toward it and inviting him to stare into its core. He could still feel the sting of the ash in his pupils as he looked at it from afar now.

The summer sun had sunken down into the horizon and gave way to a comfortable nightfall. Above your heads hung curtains of leaves from oaks, and above them was the blanket of night sky bedazzled in stars. Nature, as you had said earlier today, was quite photogenic.

He sat perched slightly away from everyone in the group, settling at the picnic table with his back to the table surface so he could still face into the fire. When everyone regrouped, Joshua had brought along an acoustic guitar and played it for everyone now.

"Sunday morning, rain is falling."

Someone lit up in a small hoot of approval. Kevin observed the group before him, the several families that had come together. He was especially pleased that the Hongs and the Xus were still hanging out with the lot of them, the latter being around a little less, but still coming out to join the fun, nonetheless.

He hadn't even realized when the last time his mom tried blatantly pushing him towards Serena. At some point, she stopped and it slipped his mind.

"Clouds are shrouding us in moments, unforgettable. You twist to fit the mold that I am in."

Kevin scratched his jaw as he turned his eyes down to the iPad settled in his lap. After he had finished up dinner, he ran inside to swap out his camera for his device to get some sketching done. There wasn't a particular project he was working on; he just wanted to practice a little.

When he lifted his gaze back up to pick a subject, he found himself looking in your direction. Your dad and Connor brought out the goodies to make s'mores. Long, slim skewers were passed around the circle, and the kids were the first to receive marshmallows to spear.

You and your sister sat beside one another and you helped her grab two of the mallows to impale. The light from the fire flickered across your face in differing levels of shadow, a play on contrast. Your expression seemed softer here—he wasn't really sure what it was. Maybe it was the tenderness at the corner of your eyes as you laughed at Connor's marshmallow falling burnt into the pit; maybe it was the triumph you shared with Alice when you helped her sandwich her marshmallows between a slab of chocolate and twin graham crackers.

He liked to believe his hand started before he consciously knew what he was doing.

"That may be all I need… In darkness, she is all I see."

"Are you sure you don't want me to make you one?" You asked your brother as he grabbed his redemption marshmallow from the bag.

Connor huffed, puffing out his chest. "I got this."

Your eyebrows flew upward. "Okay, big guy. Have at it." You chuckled and grabbed a marshmallow for yourself, sticking it onto your skewer to let it broil over the heat.

Kevin traced the lines of your face with his eyes, his hand transferring that memorization onto his screen. Sometimes human expressions were a little difficult to portray accurately, and there was a thorn pricking the back of his mind, urging him to do you justice. He didn't know if he could.

Your head slowly swayed to the sound of Joshua's pretty melody, the corners of your mouth tilting upward. Kevin shifted his position on the bench and drew the little tick mark at the edge of your mouth for that slight smile.

He always knew you were beautiful—for fuck's sake, he'd practically said it today in the forest. It had been among the crush of other important conversations, but he meant it. He still had the image of you engraved in his brain, the moment when you discovered the family of birds in the feeder house. You'd lit up like a goddamn star.

You stood up from your spot once your marshmallow became the perfect golden tone over the edges. You stepped over to the chair that held all the ingredients and smooshed the marshmallow between chocolate and cracker. Then, you turned and marched over to him.

Surprise alerted in his features, and he subtly tilted the screen of his iPad up against his chest. "Hey," he greeted softly while you approached.

You returned the expression and held out the s'more to him. "Here. It's for you."

The organ in his chest did a somersault. "What?" He laughed, "For me?"

"Yeah, silly. I don't know why you're so far away, but I know you like 'em." You settled on the bench next to him with one arm braced behind you on the table and your legs crossed, one over the other.

"Thank you," he said, using one of his hands to bite into it with childlike giddiness. The mixture of flavors exploded in his mouth—the crunch of the graham cracker, the soft, gooeyness of the chocolate and marshmallow. A perfect, sweet treat, and done exactly right. "Mmmh, this is so good," he mumbled behind his hand to catch any crumbs on his lips.

You chuckled. "Nice, glad it has your stamp of approval." Your eyes wandered down to his iPad, and you could see the white screen lit up against his shirt. "What have you been up to?"

His eyes widened a smidge, and there came a bashfulness to his face. (Cute.) "Oh, uhm," he swallowed down the remainder of the s'more and tilted the screen away from you. Huh, strange. "It's nothing really. Just sketching."

You hummed in understanding, though it was a little out of character for him to hide it from you. "Ah, I see."

The two of you descended into silence, and you leaned your back against the table to get comfortable. Kevin passed you sidelong glances from the corner of his eye, unsure of how you knew he wanted you to stay. (Because he definitely did want you to stay.)

Perhaps this was a sign. Thoughts had been brewing in his head as of late, and he wasn't quite sure what to do with them. They all just… sort of piled up in his hands and he didn't know how to free them up to reach out to you.

He opened his mouth to say something—anything—maybe even about the pact—to retract the pact?—it didn't matter.

But when he turned to look at you this time, your gaze was elsewhere. That soft, tenderness remained, but you had turned your attention to Joshua.

Ah. He shouldn't have jumped so soon. A hopeless kind of ache twisted in his stomach that made him uncomfortable. He briefly glanced down at his screen of what he'd sketched of you so far and decided it might be better to finish it later.

Fireflies. You nearly forgot that you planned to sneak out and see fireflies tonight.

By the time the campfire was cleaned up and everyone was tucked away into their beds, it was probably nearing midnight. You quietly rustled around your room in the dark and used only your phone's flashlight to gather things into a little knapsack—just the essentials, of course. There was no need to get fancy with it.

You wished you had signal so you could text Kevin and warn him ahead of time that you were about to go appear at his window, but you figured it would be fine anyhow. Even if he wasn't awake, the excitement buzzing inside of you could hardly wait.

Shouldering your bag, you headed out the door and crossed the divide between your house and the Moons'.

You located Kevin's window on the second floor, quietly rejoining when you realized it was cracked open. This had to be fate; what other reason would his window be open? (Clearly not for the cool, evening breeze or anything…)

You cupped your hands around your mouth. "Kevin!" You stage-whispered. "Kevin!"

A moment later, a head popped out the open frame. His hair stuck up a little bit and his eyes squinted down into the darkness at you. "Yn?"

"Yes," you said with a grin that he probably thought was idiotically too large. You waved him down. "I'm gonna go see fireflies!"

It took him a second to compute. "What time is it?"

"Like, midnight."

"Okay."

Seven minutes later, Kevin emerged from the back door with a T-shirt and sweatpants on, a yawn splitting his face. He shook his head out as if he was shaking out the remaining remnants of sleep from his system. You met him on the back stairs.

"So what's this about fireflies?" He asked you as the two of you ventured off into the wilderness.

Last year when you were up here at the lake, there was one night when sleep refused to take you. Your solution had been to go on a walk, and as completely dangerous as that sounded (because it was), you'd stumbled upon the meadow you now took Kevin toward. You hadn't the faintest why you never knew about this place after years of coming up to the lake town, but it was where the fireflies took flight.

The meadow was not too long a walk from where you both lived, and by the time you arrived, Kevin was wide awake.

"It's just over this crest," you told him, the jubilation in your voice nearly spilling over.

Kevin smiled at the sound of your excitement and eagerly followed you up the hill.

As soon as you made it over, you lost all your breath in awe. The meadow sprawled at your feet for miles was completely a-glow. Little beads of yellow-green light dotted the field in every corner like light bulbs strung together by invisible string. You had only ever seen this once in person, the rest via the internet and popular culture (movies, TV shows, and the like), and yet, it never compared to the real life experience.

You and Kevin stood there for a moment to soak in the sight. What a wonder of nature this was.

When you finally gained the sense to, you dug around in your bag for wherever you'd stashed your phone. Your tongue stuck out of the corner of your mouth as you fidgeted with the settings on your phone camera. You just wanted one little picture to show one of your professors at school, but it seemed your camera-working skills left much to be desired.

"Here, let me," Kevin murmured and gently took the phone from you. He showed you the screen as he fixed the settings—et voilà! Like magic, the field before you became visible on your camera screen in the crispiest, sexiest quality you had ever seen. "And… there you go."

He clicked the photo for you and handed you back your phone.

Mouth agape, you zoomed in on your completed photo. "Thanks, Kevin!" You gushed as you admired his handiwork.

He clasped a hand against the back of his neck. "No worries. Just a few tricks I learned."

You still warmed at the gesture. With your phone now tucked away, the two of you could sink back into the glory of the field of fireflies.

You heard Kevin's voice, soft, "How do they light up like that?"

"Bioluminescence," you replied in a whisper back. "It's a biochemical reaction that basically lets them convert energy into that light you see." There were plenty of other examples of bioluminescence in nature, as well. One particular instance you'd read about once, was a wave of bioluminescent algae appearing on the shores of a Southern Californian beach during the summer. It was neat stuff.

"Wild," he marveled.

A wave of calm fell over your form. You'd never felt so at peace in your life—just you, the outdoors, and one of the few people who made you actually feel this comfortable. You swallowed at the thought.

You were suddenly hyperaware of how close you were standing to him, the backs of your hands grazing against each other. You could feel his skin, his knuckles against yours—and maybe your brain was making it up, but the touch felt intentional.

For a second, you indulged yourself in what it might be like to close the distance and take his hand into yours. Of course, it wouldn't have to be in the romantic way; friends could hold hands… right? They could hold hands and your heart could skip several beats and he could look at your lips, and you would still be friends. Right?

You cleared your throat, and the sound seemed to thunder in the silence. "We should—we should probably head back," you said, sparing a glance at him.

He caught your eyes and held them. His lips turned upward, and the shine in his eyes was fond. "Okay."

With renewed energy, you made the trek back into the neighborhood. Your bucket list items for the summer had nearly all been checked off—not like you had a physical list written out. These were simply traditions you hoped to fulfill every summer while you were here in your happy place.

The crickets chirped a lovely serenade as you and Kevin strolled back onto the street where your houses stood. At the point where you both needed to split off, you nudged him with your elbow. "Thanks for coming out with me tonight."

"Thank you for inviting me," he countered with an amused hum.

"Good night, Kev."

You both lingered for a second. "Good night, Yn," he said back, pausing for a moment. Then he leaned over toward you and pressed his lips to the crown of your head. Your eyes fluttered shut. "Hope the lovebugs bite."

EPISODE ELEVEN: ROCKING THE BOAT

IF there was one thing that Kevin Moon was good at (besides the myriad of things he was actually good at), it was waking up his cousin to exercise with him in the morning.

"I think I deserve a nice, fat stack of pancakes after this," Yuna grumbled after nearly tripping over a raised tree root and kissing the forest floor. She grappled onto her cousin's shoulder to steady herself, the cousin in question giving a light chuckle at her antics. "When your mom said we should exercise together, I thought she meant the next time I was in Vancouver, not right now."

"Well, it's only because Yn's mom planned to go out with my mom this morning," Kevin mused. "Usually I have a designated walking partner."

"Woe is me. Alas, I have become your Plan B," Yuna sighed melodramatically with a hand draped over her forehead.

This morning, at a lovely 9:46am, the lake and its surrounding forest was just as alive and awake as Kevin was. The sun had taken up its perch in the clear, blue sky and the birds had long since begun their morning songs. They were awfully loud at this part of the lake, the exact three-quarter mark around the perimeter. Kevin thanked his parents for choosing houses away from this area—he would have never slept ever if they bunkered up here. (Not that he slept anyway, but that was beside the point.)

The walk began a little later than he usually did with your mom, but he granted Yuna a bit of leeway since she hadn't exactly been given a head's up. (He argued the opposite, but he let this once slide.)

"You're so dramatic," he chided playfully. "Watch out for that rock."

Yuna's mouth morphed into a deep frown, eyes wide open, as she narrowly missed being nature's fool another time. "Oh, speaking of Yn… Yn's mom? Whatever, I just mean Yn."

Kevin perked up at the topic change. His brain was fresh from last night's midnight endeavor with you and the fireflies. His lips still tingled from when he ventured to kiss you on the head… he wasn't sure where that courage had come from, but the memory of it kick-started his heart into a gallop. "What about Yn?"

She shrugged. "I dunno. You tell me." A smile crawled onto her face, and Kevin could smell her slyness a mile away. "The two of you have been hanging out a ton recently."

"We usually stick together," he sniffed, fidgeting absentmindedly with the beads on the bracelet you'd made him.

"Aish," she pressed her features into an unimpressed look that reminded Kevin of a typical Chanhee deadpan. "You're so unhelpful. You know what I'm talking about!" She smacked the side of his arm, and Kevin erupted into a fit of laughter.

His smile grew shy. "I don't really know what to say! I'm sorry—that's the truth." Because how could he even begin when it came to you? Where did it end, where did it begin?

"I see the way you look at her, Kev."

Kevin shoved his hands into his shorts. Suddenly the bird nest he spotted in a nearby tree became all too interesting. The bird nest reminded him of the birds who had made a home out of one of your feeders, and that reminded him of the adorable elation on your face when you discovered it and that reminded him of—he came to a stop. Oh, god, he was so far gone. "How do I look at her?"

Yuna peered at him curiously, then stopped to face him. "You look at her like I look at Jin. At least, that's how I think I look at him." She offered him a supportive smile. "But right now, you look like you're going through your midlife crisis."

"I might as well be."

She barked out a laugh. "Save that for when you buy a house, my friend."

He rubbed his temples with a wince. "Houses, domesticity, money, partners. Why is adulting so hard?"

"Hey, you'll get through it," she told him and nudged his shoulder. "What's going on, dude? What's on your mind?"

Kevin swallowed. He still hadn't the faintest idea where to begin, but everything had to start somewhere. Yuna had always been kind to him (a menace at times, but that feeling was mutual), and he trusted her with his vulnerabilities. He toed the ground. "Okay, last night, I kissed her—"

"YOU WHAT?"

He sputtered, red rushing to his face, as he grabbed her shoulders. Her eyes were practically falling out of her head. "Nonononono! Let me finish, you—I kissed her on the forehead, okay?"

Her gaping mouth closed only slightly. "Oh…" She thought about it some more. "Oh."

Kevin nodded gravely. "Yup."

Yuna straightened with a furrowed brow. "Well, that's not that big of a deal, is it?"

"What do you mean that's not a big deal?" His hands shot to the top of his baseball cap. "How is that not a big deal!"

"That's because the two of you refuse to acknowledge or entertain the obvious!"

Kevin hissed when she reached over to give his forehead a very hard flick. He rubbed the spot that began to smart; getting flicked in the forehead twice in one lake trip was twice too many. "The obvious?"

"That you guys can have the mushy gushy feelies without it being a product of the placebo effect from your moms' collective matchmaking efforts."

He made a face. "That was a lot of words…"

She deadpanned. "Kevin, listen to me: just because the two of you made a stupid pact when you were ten—"

"Eleven."

"Whatever. Eleven—doesn't mean that you can't leave room to, you know, amend that. You have to give yourself the opportunity to explore it, especially when I can clearly see that your feelings are changing about this girl." Yuna grasped her cousin by his shoulders this time in an attempt to telepathically insert these words into his brain. Or at least, just make him listen.

The words seeped into his head. The two of you had already made amendments earlier this trip, but you had never commented on the "only friends part." He even entertained the idea of bringing it up to you last night at the bonfire.

He didn't realize Yuna already began tugging him along the path to circle around the remainder of the lake to get back to the house. Everything was so muddled… but a part of him recognized that Yuna was right. He just wished he could get an idea of where your thoughts laid.

There were moments when you thought life could be like a movie, but then why was doing this pedal boat thing so much less glamorous than it seemed? Then again, maybe you shouldn't have thought doing this at high noon was the greatest idea.

You should have been like your Uncle Seokjin, who sat to your left, swallowed up in a blue lifejacket, a pair of big sunglasses, and a crocheted bonnet with a duck face to keep his face out of the sun. Yeah, maybe glasses would have been a good idea.

Sweat dribbled down the side of your face and down the slope of your nose, and you wiped it off with the back of your hand. "It's so hot, Uncle. We couldn't have waited until later today when it cooled down?"

He leaned back, his cheeks and skin reddened and damp from the heat and the fire in his calves from pedaling. "Okay, okay. Let's stop here."

"Right in the middle of the lake?" You asked incredulously, but immediately brought your feet off the pedals to give your legs a deserved break.

"What better place to do so?"

The two of you lounged in your seat beneath the molten afternoon sun, limbs screaming, water draining from your bodies through your pores. This would have been nice if you brought a sun umbrella… or maybe some water… man, did you make so many poor choices today.

"So what's going on with you and Kevin?"

The question snapped you out of your heat-fazed daze. You nearly thought you hallucinated him saying that. You stammered, "What about me and Kevin?"

You could see his overexaggerated facial expression even from behind his sunglasses. "Yah, don't give me that. You know what I'm talking about—I saw you two last night."

You lurched out of your seat and caused the violent rocking of the boat. You and your copilot let out twin swears as the boat evened out on the waves, and luckily, did not capsize. "Sorry—the fuck? You did?"

"Actually, I didn't," he snickered. "But now I know something did happen. So what's the tea, girl? Hit me with it. It's hot outside but I always take my beverages scorching." He shifted in his seat, carefully, in order to give you his full attention.

You couldn't believe he dragged you out to the middle of the lake just for this conversation. Total Uncle Seokjin move. You walked (or pedaled) right into his checkmate.

Moments of last night flooded into your brain—the campfire, the fireflies, the kiss, the… the him. Kevin. You gulped. Where did you even think to begin? "I took him to see fireflies last night."

Jin scrunched his eyebrows together. "Fireflies? Since when did we have fireflies? You didn't take me to see the fir—oh, you know, what? It was your little romantic moment; I got it."

"It wasn't a romantic moment!" You sputtered helplessly, uselessly. "It was—it was a moment of serenity and scientific marvel."

"You are such a nerd. What did he do, huh? Did you guys hold hands or something?"

Almost. "No," you said. "He… he did kiss my forehead once we got back though."

"Aha!" You both careened as the boat trembled violently from Seokjin's sudden Einstein epiphany. "I knew that something happened," he said once the boat slowed to a stop again. "I just had a feeling in my gut."

"Are you sure it wasn't the yogurt you had this morning?"

"How dare you," he huffed. "I brought my lactose pills. And hey! Stop changing the subject."

You laughed aloud, but inwardly, your gut was churning. Maybe you could blame the heat, but you knew the real reason why you were suddenly feeling as unstable as the pedal boat you sat upon. The idea that the entirety of your friendship could be so easily uprooted… well, perhaps not easily. Picking apart your friendship would be like flushing weeds out of a garden—you would have to get at the roots, and right now, the roots were so deep that you would fall into the ground before finding the bottom.

Not that you wanted to uproot your friendship, or relationship, with Kevin. Of course not.

What did that forehead kiss even mean? What did all of the moments you shared between him this summer, as a whole, even mean? Why, all of a sudden, did you want the way he looked at you to mean something different besides platonic affection? Why did you want more when you had never really thought about more before?

You voiced all of this aloud to your uncle, who sat staring out onto the calm surface of the lake. When you were finished with your ramble, he said, "You need to get your shit together, girl."

You coughed. "Thanks, that was so helpful."

"I'm told that a lot," he beamed. "But really, those are all very good questions, Yn. And they're super important, too."

You frowned, lifting the rim of your baseball cap to wipe away the perspiration collecting at your hairline like a cult. "Do you think that these mixed feelings are a result of all the matchmaking going on? Like, somehow, we've let it affect how we view each other?"

"Honestly?" He sighed, his shoulders lifting and dropping in a half-hearted shrug. "Could be. But, Yn honey, is it really such a bad thing? And let's think about it this way—how do you feel about Joshua?"

You didn't need to think too hard about it. "He's a catch, but not my type of butterfly."

"Exactly, and oh my go—"

"Don't," you chuckled menacingly, "call me a nerd."

He gestured vaguely with his hand. "I wasn't; I was gonna call you a dork."

You snorted. With another swipe at your dripping neck, you said, "But Kevin and Serena—"

"'Kevin and Serena' don't exist," he told you with a smack of his lips. Jin peered at you from over the rim of his glasses, which in kind, made the duck's beady eyes stare straight into your soul, too. "That girl bats for the other team, and Kevin has shown zero interest in her other than helping her not fall off a jet ski."

Huh. You leaned your elbow onto the knee of one leg, propped up to your chest. "Well when you put it that way…"

"When I put it that way," he finished for you, "it makes it a little clearer, hm?" You were quiet for a moment, and Jin gave your shoulder a pat. "Some things are just meant to be."

The words, so familiar to you, rang true as a bell. Some things are just meant to be. You couldn't help the smile that started to work its way onto your face, and it was all thanks to Seokjin helping you sweep away some of the webs confusing your brain. You weren't completely confident, but you could feel yourself being nudged in a certain direction, and this time, you weren't pushing back.

The tide could take you where it may.

Your uncle by association added quietly, "Haven't you thought just once that, after all this sneaking around, there's been another reason for it other than a pact?"

EPISODE TWELVE: FISH IN THE SEA, ANTS IN THE GROUND

BY the time you and Jin returned to solid ground, you discovered that Kevin was away with his dad helping the Xus pack and clean up. Today they would be departing the small lake town, as they hadn't planned on spending as much time up here as the rest of you did. You and most of the others already said your goodbyes at the campfire, so you had little else to do but twiddle your thumbs until you could confront Kevin with your thoughts.

A shower always produced productive results, especially after melting Wicked Witch of the West style in the middle of the lake.

There was time, you realized, to bring things together. Of course, there was a part of you that shied away from wanting to even address this epiphany. What if bringing this up opened up a whole new can of worms? In other words, what if talking about the elephant in the room only led to regret? You didn't want to lose Kevin, and because your families were always so close, you didn't want to lose this. This connection, this tradition, this place.

Too many memories made their home here at the lake. It was your happy place… his happy place. It was everything.

Everything could change, and wasn't that terrifying? But it could also be great, and who best to share the scariest, greatest moments of life with other than your Kevin Moon?

As rubber tire wheels ate gravel, Kevin nodded to his dad and set off back across the lawn toward your cabin. The afternoon had him busy with helping the Xus head home, which he didn't mind doing, of course; the lot of them had fun with his party, and his party with the lot of them. He and Serena left on friendly terms, undeterred by his mother's half-hearted attempt to get them sort of talking. Serena said she understood.

Kevin needed to talk to you though. After the morning was spent with Yuna getting him to see the big ass elephant in the room—trunk in his face and trumpet in his ear—there was no other course of action left but to tell you the truth.

The truth. God, the truth. The truth was that he didn't want the old pact in place anymore. That was it, plain and simple. It was crazy to think about how long the two of you had let it restrain your relationship—wait, did you want it to though?

"Hey Kevin!"

Kevin slowed to a stop, attention perking up at his name when he saw Joshua making his way over to him. He worried his bottom lip. You didn't… like Josh, did you? He just had to be sure because, well, that would throw a rock into things. "Oh, hey, man."

Joshua offered him a bright smile. "Hey. Did Serena and her parents just take off?"

Kevin cupped the back of his head. "Uh, yeah! Just now, actually."

"Cool, cool." Joshua nodded his head. "I wanted to talk to you about something."

His heart threw itself over the side of a cliff. Oh no. He let out a laugh, hoping to push the nerves out of his voice, but he was sure it wasn't too convincing anyhow. "Really? What—what about?"

"It's about Yn—" Oh, double no. "—I kind of," he winced, "noticed that her mom was trying to… nudge us together?"

"Oh god, let me be the first to apologize—"

Joshua broke the tension with a chuckle. "Hey, it's no worries! I just didn't know if you were aware or not because you and she kind of seemed like a couple to me, but I didn't know if her mom knew."

Kevin blinked, heart quickening for a different reason. "What?" He stammered. "Sorry, can we rewind?"

"Hm? That you and Yn are a thing? Are—are you not?" He gasped, eyes going wide. "Shit, that was stupid of me to just assume. Sorry if that was totally awkward!"

Oh, but quite the opposite. Kevin could feel the blood rush to his cheeks, clear as day. There was a warm feeling in his chest knowing that more people thought that you and him looked like a couple. It was ridiculous how the thought got him giddy now. Kevin shook his head though. "No, no, you're good, dude. But we aren't a couple." Yet. Hopefully.

Joshua cocked his head to the side curiously. "Oh? I guess… it's still a little strange of me to assume, so I apologize. You're…?"

"Interested?" A nod. "Yeah." (Wow, that was a verbal admittance. One step closer to the real thing.)

Kevin cleared his throat and grabbed his shoulder with his opposite hand. "You're not—you're not interested in her, are you? I mean," he rushed to add, "it's totally fine. I understand—"

Joshua shook his head. "Oh shit, no, I'm not interested. Not that Yn's a bad person or anything, but I'm taken."

Pause.

…that made sense.

Joshua laughed, ducking his head to hide the smile that blossomed on his face. "Yeah, I'm already spoken for. My parents don't really know yet, but… yeah. I didn't wanna get in the way of whatever you and Yn have, and hopefully I'm not saying this too late."

On the contrary, a weight lifted from Kevin's chest and he sucked in a lungful of summer breeze. "Nah, man. Thanks for saying it in the first place; I appreciate it."

"Yeah," Joshua said pleasantly. He nodded at him, lips pursed with one eye squinted. "She digs you, too, you know? I've seen it all throughout this trip."

Hope filled his heart like the air ballooning his lungs. He didn't know what to do with all of these. They just kept coming up onto the stack of things in his hands that he wanted to take into consideration and tell you to your face, once and for all. Your face just kept flickering in his mind's eye, and the nerves were slowly melting into excitement. He wanted to share this with you, as the two of you had done for years.

"I hope so."

Joshua clasped a hand on Kevin's shoulder. "I would say 'go get 'em, tiger,' but I have a friend at school who is scarily obsessed with tigers, so I'll just say—" A squeeze of his shoulder, "you got this."

Kevin didn't know what to do with that extra factoid, but he gave Joshua a grateful grin. "Thanks, man."

The pair split off from there, one heading back toward his own cabin, and the other, marching toward the future. Whatever laid ahead, he could take on.

His step gained a skip, and soon, he was jogging across the green until he appeared at your back porch. He hadn't really prepared anything—no romantic gestures, no flowers or candles, no chocolates. All he had were the words on his tongue and his newly realized love for you. Love, a strange phenomenon. He had his love for you stashed away in his breast pocket and it blossomed every summertime.

He let himself into the house and went poking around for you. "Yn? Yn, you back yet?"

No answer.

He ducked his head into the kitchen, the living room, before he came upon your bedroom door left slightly ajar. Through the sliver, he saw the bottoms of your feet on the bed, and he gently knocked on the door before pushing through.

"Yn…? Ah," His voice quieted to a whisper.

You were curled up over the bedsheets, asleep. Kevin slowly tiptoed his way over to you where your body was angled toward your phone screen, lying discarded on the pillow and actively running an episode of Our Planet.

A smile, fond and tender, pressed itself into his mouth. He reached over to carefully turn the downloaded episode off to descend the room in complete silence.

His head swiveled toward the foot of the bed where your patchwork quilt hung off the railing. He carefully draped it over your sleeping form, then made his exit.

You deserved the rest. And though he couldn't confess to you now, this gave him the time to ensure he got this exactly right.

EPISODE THIRTEEN: THE DAMSELS IN DEVOTION DEAL™

TIME passed by differently here.

One moment, you were biding your time and indulging in an episode of Our Planet; the next, the bedroom was dark and the house was quiet. You roused from sleep confused and delirious. You stretched your limbs up over your head, taking note of the quilt draped over your body.

Huh, you wondered how that got there.

Your eyes fluttered and squinted when you stood up and saw a flicker of amber light from outside your window. The view looked over only part of the backside to the house, so all you could see were the shadows that the campfire created. They danced by way of the breeze, their puppetmaster.

The time on your phone read a (slightly alarming) ten o'clock. You hadn't realized you slept that long. Maybe you were more tired than you originally thought.

Wait, then why was the campfire still blazing?—

"Yn! Psst!"

You pressed your face against the open slit in the window to track the sound of your name. Déjà vu swept over you as you discovered Kevin making his way over toward you from the outside. "Kevin? Is everyone still up?"

He shook his head. "No, no. I've just been waiting," he admitted sheepishly. "Come on out. Have you eaten yet?"

"Oh, no. I just woke up."

"Ah… right." He clasped the back of his neck. "Well, come out anyway. We can sit together."

Together. You liked the sound of that.

Without wasting more time, you promised him two minutes and scurried out of your room to round to the back door. The campfire crackled on your side of the lawn, rather than the middle of the properties this time, and Kevin tended to it on one of the two foldable chairs present.

You took a seat in the open seat. "S'mores?" You chuckled, noting the basket of ingredients at his feet.

He ducked his head. "Yeah," he loosened a laugh, "I thought I'd make you a s'more this time."

It was just a s'more, and yet, here was the organ in your chest palpitating in your chest. You didn't reject the s'more, of course, and watched him skewer a marshmallow and hold it over the blazing embers. As he did so, you caught the way his other hand fidgeted with your bracelet on his wrist, how his tongue darted out to wet his bottom lip. Was he as nervous as you were?

The thing, Yn.

"There's something I—" You both stopped short at your simultaneous words. They were the same, too, and had the pair of you fumbling.

"You first," you said, gesturing to him.

He hummed and tried for a smile. "Do you remember that night in sixth grade when we made the pact?"

You nodded.

"It was kind of like this actually," he mused. The marshmallow had browned into a beautiful gold, and you reached into the basket to help him assemble the chocolate and graham cracker pieces. Your fingers grazed his as he squished the outer crackers together to hand it to you. "A late night, s'mores, the campfire."

You took a chunk out of the s'more and swallowed before adding, "Seems like so long ago."

"Right?" He slipped the metal skewers back into the basket and leaned his arms onto his knees, body angled toward you. "The pact, I…" He considered his words as they melted on his tongue like the chocolate and marshmallow on yours. "I wanted to ask if you would think about another amendment."

You met his eyes now. The burning fire reflected in his dark irises, warm and bright. "An—an amendment," you parroted. Was this what you thought it was? You finished off your s'more, hoping not to choke when he told you whatever he wanted to tell you. You suddenly wondered if the s'more was just to soften the blow.

Kevin nodded. "Yeah, another amendment. We didn't really discuss the biggest part of the original pact when we made the rescue protocol."

"The 'just friends' clause," you finished, breathlessly.

"Yn, I don't wanna be just friends anymore."

It didn't hit you at first. You swore the ash from the fire was making you hear things, but it hit you, milliseconds later. "Oh."

He pursed his lips for a moment. "It's taken me a stupidly long time to come to this conclusion, and I was thinking about what we were talking about the other night—about if we were ready for relationships. And I said that maybe the person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with was someone I already met.

"Yn, I think I'm in love with you," he said. "Not just in a way that friends love each other, but something… something more. And I wanted to let you know because—if I'm being completely honest—I want to share everything with you."

You could feel the way your lips curled upward and your heart soared. "I wanna share everything with you, too. And I don't know how long I've sat on this, but what I do know is that I feel so much for you." Every admittance that was released into the night air like sparks flying was another card laid out between you two, face up. "This place, the lake, has been my place, Kevin. But I want you to be my person."

He smiled at you, sweet and boyish, the type of smile that made you feel on the edge of seventeen. He helped you out of dark places with that smile; he was always showing you the light. "Your person," he murmured, letting that sink into his tongue and be familiarized with it. "I would love to be your person, Yn."

Your hand found his across the gap between your chairs. His thumb caressed over the side of yours, and he tucked his other hand over top until you were enveloped in his clasp—safe and sound.

When the fire was reduced to nothing more than ash and memory, you and Kevin raced each other down to the water's edge. The lake was stilled beneath the moonlight, a pool of silvery mercury. You reached for his hand again and intertwined your fingers firmly, a comforting weight and hold.

It felt right.

"So since we made an amendment to the protocol again," you started as he swung your laced hands between your bodies, "we need to seal the deal."

A grin bloomed on his face, and he bit his lip. "Hear me out," he drawled. "Maybe we should update the seal, too."

You narrowed your eyes in jest. "You just don't want me to flick your forehead."

"Sue me, you flick hard," he laughed.

"But shoot."

He licked his lips and turned to face you. "Can I show you?"

Your heart gave one big lurch as he leaned over to you. You closed the rest of the distance and sighed something happy at the feel of his lips against yours. It was gentle and brief, his mouth parting from yours to give you enough room to back away.

You could feel your twin smiles. "I kind of like it."

"Yeah?" He hummed. "Well, that can be our practice round."

You shook your head and threw your arms around his neck to pull him back over to you. His arms curled around your middle, hands pressed to your sides and holding you close.

When you broke apart this time, his warm chuckle ran a delicious bolt of electricity down your spine. "I know things are gonna be different now… But we got this."

It was the way he looked at you—the one that assured you he was the same Kevin he was three years ago and beyond; the kid who broke the swing set when you challenged him to a bet; the kid who sketched butterflies in meadows, and now sketched you in the firelight; the kid who would never judge you or ridicule you for your feelings, but validate them, always. You didn't know how you were so blind to it before.

It wasn't so scary anymore, not when you knew he would be there with you.

"Yeah," you said softly, running your thumb down the back of his neck, "I'm not really worried."

He let out a breathy laugh, and it coaxed one out of you, too. Kevin pressed his forehead to yours, pressed a kiss to the tip of your nose, pressed his heart to yours.

Some things really were just meant to be.

a/n: now the question is how are they gonna tell their moms... 🤡 if you enjoyed, pls remember to reblog, or comment, or send in an ask!! thanks for reading :] see you in at your convenience!

permanent taglist: @flwoie @vatterie @seomisaho @hqrana @ja4hyvn @tinkerbell460 @kaaimins @hyunjaespresent-deobi @otterly-fey @zzoguri @floatingpluto @winterchimez @ethereal-engene @gyulfriend @polarisjisung @jaehunnyy @shakalakaboomboo @loveliestfelix @bless-311 @zhaixiaowen @leaz-kpop-life @amourdsr @pxppxrminty @kqyutie @sseastar-main @kxthleen14 @fluorescentloves @mosviqu @justalildumpling @jaerisdiction @super-btstrash-posts @jundundun @http-gyu @mvvnsseul @outrologist @vernonburger @maessseongs @ericlvr @kflixnet

[fruity-mega-coconut69]

Too Late

[summary] : After an argument with Tara while at the shrine, you try to help her and her sister defeat The ghostfaces . But neither of you expected to possibly never make up.

[pairings] : Tara Carpenter x Reader

[warnings] : Scream IV. spoilers, blood, Character death, angst, murder, swearing.

A/N: i will be posting pt. 2 of 'Both of Them' tomorow!

When you decided that you would come with your friends of all time to New York, you didn't expect for things to turn out like they did. For example, you and Tara dating.

But there are, of course, bad things too. Like the killers coming after you guys.

You and Tara were sure you were meant to be, even with you knowing about how Chad has a thing for her. You never doubted Tara's love for you and she never doubted yours.

Well that was not entirely true, as of right now you were in an old theatre that Sam's ex Boyfriend made into some kind of shrine. You walked in on Chad and Tara kissing. You were really trying to stay calm and have this conversation as peaceful as possible, but you can't with knowing the killer is probably going to get to you soon and all. It was just so stressful. All of it.

" Okay, Tara. I am going to let you explain what the fuck did i just see, because i really don't want to be mad at you right now " You said as you slowly started walking towards them.

"Hey, Y/N. I-It's my fault, okay? I kissed her ! " Said Chad, trying to explain it to you.

" No, no. It's okay, Chad. Just sit down, okay? " You smiled weakly at him.

" Look it's not my fault okay? i was just.....Talking to him and then he kissed me! I swear. " She says, almost pleading.

Lies

She was lying.

And at that exact moment, you lost it " Then why the fuck, were you kissing him?! " You nearly shouted. She took a step back.

" i was NOT kissing him! Are you blind? You need a pair of glasses? " She snaps back.

You scoff " Oh stop it! I- " You pause, not knowing if you should really continue this.

" What? You can't even speak now? " Says Tara angrily " You should know i wouldn't do that to you! "

" Y-yeah. I-I know. " You stutter out.

"Then what the hell is wrong with you? "

" I-I-"

" Maybe i like chad, huh ? Then what? Or maybe i have never even loved you! I mean fuck! It's pretty hard to put up with your insecure ass 24/7 !" She steps closer to you.

Oh, now she is angry at you?

Sure her words cut deep, tore up scars that have also been healed by her, but she can't be mad at you. " What the Fuck, Tara?! Now you wanna blame it on me? I did nothing! You were the one with your tongue down our childhood friends throat! "

" I didn't mean it, okay? It was an accident! But of fucking course, your depressed, traumatized, un self-confident ass doesn't understand! " This time it was you who took multiple steps back.

She didn't mean it.

Of course she didn't, she loves you. She has just been stressed because of all that shit that's been happening the past days. And as soon as she saw the tears and sadness in your eyes, she quickly came back into reality. She fucked up. She knew it.

When Chad kissed her, she kissed him back. Yes that's true. But she was about to push him away when you walked in on them. Everybody makes mistakes, you should know that. But at that moment both of you were blinded by rage.

" Guys! " You all suddenly hear Sam's voice " It's Kirby! Kirby is Ghost face! " She says and rushes towards you all.

Ghostface suddenly barges in and starts running towards you guys. You try to go in the other direction but there is another Ghostface already standing there, a knife in their hand. You start running down a hallway-like thing the others following closely behind you. You end up in a room with only one door, you start running towards it, but both of the ghostfaces are already there. Chad suddenly speaks up " Go! I will distract them! "

"NO!" Both you and Tara scream at him, you trying to pull him with you, but to no wail.

" Just go! I'll be fine! "

Sam pulls back the both of you and starts dragging you backwards when you all see both of the Ghostfaces stabbing Chad like a billion times " Go " He says weakly as the killers wipe their knifes.

You run as fast as you could 'til you get to the shrine and there you see Kirby stumbling on the stage, you and Tara pick up bricks while Sam has her knife and she says " Step back, Kirby! We know it's you! "

" What? No! One of them knocked me out! " She says. " Look whatever detective Bailey told you, is not true! "

Just in that moment detective Bailey arrives with a gun in his hand " Kirby! You are under arrest! drop your gun! "

" Detective, you know i'm not the killer. Please! "

Suddenly one of the ghostfaces appear behind him " Bailey, behind you! " Kirby tries to shoot the ghostface, but she can't because Detective Bailey shoots her first. We all gasp.

" Ah, well. She was useless anyway!. " He smirks as the other ghostface comes up behind him.

-

You, Tara and Sam were currently climbing up the balcony, trying to get through the boxes. All of a sudden Tara slips and almost fells, but Sam catches her, you also trying to help somehow. " you have to let me go, Sam. " Tara says as your eyes widen and Sam starts shaking her head " Let me go " Tara whispers and glances at the knife on Sam's Pants. Sam understands right away and hands it to her. Sam lets go of Tara's hand and you watch as she pushes the knife down Ethan's throat.

You quickly look away when you hear the footsteps of someone and look at Sam then in the direction of the footsteps and see Quinn slowly walking up to you two " Hey, You got this? " Sam asks as she notices detective Bailey walking towards Tara. You nod.

Sam runs down and you look at Quinn, who is smiling like a maniac. " Well, looks like you are alone now, Y/N. You know i somehow always knew you were gonna die alone and mentally unstable " She laughs " You know what's funny? You weren't even supposed to die " She chuckles lowly.

You look around to see if there is any kind of weapon around you, and to your disappointment you find none. You run towards her, tackaling her to the ground " i am so not dying tonight "

You hit her repeatedly with your fists and her face is slowly turning red from the blood when you feel a stinging pain in your lower torso. You scream out in pain as she starts dragging it upwards. She slowly turns your positions so now, she is on top of you and pulls out the knife " you know, you really could have just stayed home! Then you wouldn't have to die right now " Quinn says with a smile on her face.

" Fuck you " You say and spit blood on her face.

She laughs and thrusts the knife into your chest rapidly and then goes to your stomach, you wait for another train of pain to come. But it never does. You look up to see Quinn down to help her father.

-

You open you eyes to see the same ceiling as the one you last saw before you passed out. Everything hurts, but you somehow still manage to stand up. You hear someone Talking and then starts coughing up blood. You quickly go towards the voices, your vision blurry.

Tara and Sam are having their sister moment, when they hear coughing and someone falling down the balcony they quickly run to you. Tara gasps as she looks at you, and she is fast to sit down and put you head in her lap, as Sam checks for a heartbeat. Anything,

She slowly looks at Tara, a certain sadness in her eyes. Tara is quick to catch on and soon tears all rolling down her cheeks as she sobs, looking down at you. Your lifeless body laying limp in her lap.

She looks up at Sam, who is also crying, and says " I didn't even get to apologize. "

-------------------------------------------------------------------------

A/N: well, that was pretty shitty. But i probably should go to sleep. byee.

[mint-yooxgi]

{20} - Hotel California - Yandere!Demonic Entities!Ateez X Reader

Yandere AU & Demon AU - Based off of This ask and Hotel California by Eagles

Genre: Mature, Horror, Angst, Fluff, Slight Humor

Pairing: Ateez X Reader (Focus on Seonghwa)

Words: 9,169

Warnings: Talks of mental illness: depression, suicidal thoughts, and suicide. Insecurities. Heavy angst. This is a Yandere story, it will contain themes such as stalking, violence, obsession, possessive natures, and just general overall creepiness and swearing. You have been warned.

A/n: So, this chapter is still pretty angsty in my opinion, but it does get fluffy near the end. It’s meant to really encapsulate both sides of the story and their emotions, so I hope that all comes through. I highly recommend listening to, or even searching up the lyrics to the songs in this chapter when they appear, as it will really put the songs I chose into perspective and provide more context/meaning to them in the moment. I really want to emphasize how the OC is really two sides of the same coin with all of them. I also really hope you enjoy it! As always, feedback is greatly appreciated! Enjoy~

Main Story - Part Two - Part Three - Part Four - Part Five - Part Six - Part Seven - Part Eight - Part Nine - Part Ten - Part Eleven - Part Twelve - Part Thirteen - Part Fourteen - Part Fifteen - Part Sixteen - Part Seventeen - Part Eighteen - Part Nineteen - Mini Masterlist

For two whole days, you see no sight, nor hear no sound of Seonghwa. Probably because you’ve opted to confine yourself to your room again, worried one of the others will bring up the topic of talking to him before you’re ready. At least the separation has given you time to think.

Sure, you’re still upset with what he said, but Jongho’s words from the other day in the library keep repeating themselves inside of your head.

He was scared.

You know first hand what fear can do to your emotional response. All logic simply can, and will, fly out of the window.

Still, that does not excuse what he said to you.

On the third day, you brave traversing outside of your room for a little while. 

The encounter you have with him is brief. You walk into the foyer on the way to the library when you see him coming from the opposite hall. Of course, he froze as soon as he saw you, eyes going wide as that same look of regret and sorrow takes over his features.

You say nothing, but you meet his gaze, blinking once at him as you continue to walk past.

For the first time in weeks, he doesn’t immediately beg for your forgiveness. No, this time, he simply watches you until you disappear from his sight. Still, he cannot keep his hands from shaking.

A fact of which you notice.

The rest of the week passes by exactly like this. Whenever you see Seonghwa, you acknowledge his presence either by meeting his gaze briefly, or nodding subtly in his direction. He makes no attempt to push you to listen to him anymore, nor does he dump countless amounts of apologies onto you. It’s still tense, but at least it’s bearable for you now.

Finally, you feel as if you can breathe again.

A week after that talk in the library with Hongjoong and Jongho, you decide to call your sister. You haven’t spoken to her in a little bit, and considering everything that’s happened, you could really use a good familial connection right now. Your mother is always an option, but as soon as you let on that you’re not in the right headspace, she’ll start asking you a million and one questions, and do whatever is in her power to find you and comfort you.

Not that you would complain, you just would rather have someone to listen to you for now, instead of wanting to take direct action. Besides, you could really go for hearing your sister’s familiar and comforting voice.

“Hey boo, what’s up?” She greets you with a smile after two rings of the video call going through. “How’ve you been?”

Currently, you find yourself sitting out on your balcony, the doors open wide behind you. You rest on one of the chaises, stretching your feet out in front of you as you hold your phone in your hand, elbow propped up on one of the arm rests.

“I’ve been okay,” you smile briefly, nothing more than a tense pull of your lips upwards. “I just wanted to call and check up on things with you. How’ve you been?”

“I’ve been great!” She replies, eyes instantly lighting up. “Work has really been picking up, so I’m happy about that.”

Fifteen minutes later, and she’s told you all about her personal business finally gaining traction, and bringing in more clients. You can tell that she’s super excited about everything, and that excitement rubs off on you. You find yourself smiling genuinely along to everything she has to say, and replying when appropriate with your encouragement and praise. You are really proud of her and how far she’s come, considering everything that she’s been through the past few years.

“Oh, and the next time you come to visit, we have a surprise for you!” She grins.

“A surprise?” You quirk a brow. “What is it?”

“Well, if I told you, it wouldn’t be a surprise, now, would it?” She chuckles.

“No, I suppose not,” you chuckle along with her, a soft smile adorning your features.

“Speaking of, when do you think you’ll be coming home to visit?” She asks, blinking curiously at you. “I know you’re all tied up with that new mystery lover of yours.”

At the suggestive wiggle of her brows, you can only sigh and shake your head.

“Still on about the mystery lover, huh?” You almost tut. “Will you cut it out?”

“Alright, alright, sorry,” she giggles, grinning knowingly.

“To answer your question,” you reply, somewhat pointedly with a teasingly firm look on your features, “I don’t know. Hopefully, soon.” You blink, the corner of your lips twitching upwards faintly. Almost sadly. “As soon as I can.”

With everything with Miyeon going on, and the fact that you were attacked the last time you went out, you think you just want to stick around the house for a little while. Besides, the guys all briefly filled you in on the fact that Miyeon does have allies now. Allies of which are two of the most dangerous men outside of the eight of them.

Needless to say, you have no plans on dying any time soon the next time you leave the house. Though, the first chance you get once this is all over, you’re going to visit your family. You miss them. A lot.

“Are you okay, boo?” Immediately, her brow furrows in worry. “You seem kind of down lately, and you zoned out on me there for a good little bit. Did something happen?”

A heavy sigh escapes you as you shift in your seat.

“Just-“ you blink, rubbing at the side of your face as your expression falls, shoulders drooping once more, “having a little bit of a rough time lately, that’s all.”

“Oh no,” concern is clear on her features, and you notice her lean slightly forwards in her seat. “Is it your depression again?”

“Part of it,” you nod. “Though, it’s a bit more complicated than that, I guess. It’s nowhere near as bad as it was, though. Well, you remember.”

A hint of fear flashes in her eyes. “I do.”

“Don’t worry, it’s nothing like that,” you share a knowing look with her, a faint twitch of your lips upwards. “I promise.”

“You and I both know that as soon as those thoughts come back, you don’t let them consume you anymore. You immediately get help.” She reminds you, and you nod along with her words. “We are not who we used to be. We’re better than that.”

“Yes,” you readily agree, eyes flashing in acknowledgement. “Yes, we are.”

“Do you have any outlets you can use to work through your emotions right now?”

You tilt your head slightly side to side, humming, “yes, and no.”

“What about that one hobby of yours?” She inquires. “I’m sure the hotel, or whatever you’re staying at, has one somewhere in a lounge or something, given the extravagance of the place. Perhaps you can just ask one of the staff to let you use one after hours, or something.”

“I haven’t touched one in years, honestly,” you reply, shifting your gaze out across to what appears to be the open desert stretching out in front of you.

“It helped you before,” she says, knowingly.

“I suppose it did,” you hum, a small nod to your head.

“Speaking of, how are you still able to afford staying at that place? It looks so fancy, and you haven’t been working lately, as far as I know. Have mom and dad been helping?” She quirks a brow, that teasing spark back in her eyes as she looks at you. “You keep saying there’s no mystery lover, but-“

“Oh, for crying out loud, Crystal!” You cut her off. “Will you knock it off?”

She laughs, boisterous and content. “Okay, okay, I’m sorry.”

Your lips tighten into a tense smile.

“Anyways, we’re going out for dinner soon, so I’m going to have to let you go to get ready,” she says. “If you ever need me, or even if you just want to talk, I’m here for you. Don’t hesitate at all.”

“I appreciate that,” your smile turns genuine once more. “Same goes for you.”

“Of course,” she returns your smile. “I’ll talk to you later, okay?”

“Okay,” you agree wholeheartedly. “Have fun at dinner, and say ‘hi’ to everyone for me.”

“Will do!” She replies. “Bye, boo! I love you!”

“I love you, too.” With a final wave and goodbye, you’re ending the call with your sister.

Another sigh escapes your lips as you place your phone beside you on the chaise, tucking it halfway beneath your thigh as you tilt your head back momentarily. Closing your eyes, you allow your whole body to relax.

A soft mewl draws your attention to the floor beside you, noticing Kuroo jump onto the chaise you’re resting on in the next second. He craws over your lap, settling onto your thighs as he begins to purr.

“Well, hello there, Little One,” you chuckle, scratching at his chin as he curls into you. “Did you come to check on me?”

At the way he exposes his belly for you, paws in the air curled above his chest, you’re letting out another chuckle.

“Oh, how sweet you are,” you coo, petting his tummy lightly as you look down at him.

Absentmindedly, you continue to scratch at his belly softly, combing your fingers through his fur. Kuroo is more than content to lay here like this with you, quickly falling asleep as he continues to keep you company. At least it gives you time to think.

Yes, you’re still upset at what happened, but keeping up this type of anger isn’t good for your mental health. Plus, you do miss spending time with Seonghwa, talking to him and joking around. You miss that cute pout of his that will tug onto his features when you tease him, and you miss the comfort of his voice.

Perhaps you’ve been a little too harsh on him with not letting him explain himself to you. You know for a fact that you’ve regretted those words you spoke in annoyance when exiting the library last week as soon as they left your lips. 

Perhaps this is exactly how he felt. 

At least you’ve now had time to process things.

Still, you’ll give it another day or two before you’re ready to talk to him. You don’t think you’re quite ready, or in the correct headspace to have that kind of conversation with him yet.

The very next day, luck seems to be on your side, for they all get called to an emergency council meeting. Seems as if someone has a new lead for them about Miyeon, or something.

It’s a bit odd, seeing a raven squawking around the house, but Wooyoung quickly explains to you that they’re the fastest messengers they have that travel between the realms. Though, you can tell both he and Jongho aren’t too pleased when the raven lands on your shoulder and stands like a sentinel, watching them with narrowed eyes.

“Are they flirting with me now, too?” You quirk a brow teasingly.

“Yes, she is,” Jongho replies, clearly irritated.

Your brows raise in amusement as you turn to look at the raven on your shoulder.

“Always a pleasure to have you, Stella,” Wooyoung gets out through gritted teeth.

The raven coos, almost mockingly back at him, making you laugh.

“Well, Stella,” you chuckle, noticing how a few of the others appear in the front foyer in the next second. “It’s a pleasure meeting you.”

Once again, she coos, but much fonder this time.

“Are all animals usually this friendly with you?” Yeosang inquires, nothing but curiosity reflected in his gaze.

“Most of the time,” you reply casually. “I don’t know what it is, but ever since I was small, they’ve always had an affinity towards me.”

A caw greets your ears, followed closely by a mewl as Kuroo makes an appearance from down the hallway. Instantly, Stella is taking off of your shoulder to circle the cat before landing gracefully on his back. Not that Kuroo seems to mind at all. In fact, he looks rather smug. Cheeky bastard.

Yeosang’s eyes shine, “I see.”

You look at him expectantly.

“They’re saying that you have a kind presence to you, so they’re drawn to it.” Jongho fills you in just as the remainder of his brothers enter the room.

You hum as you nod slightly in understanding, turning your attention to watch as Kuroo trots around happily with Stella on his back. That is, until Hongjoong is clearing his throat, then she’s quick to fly over to rest on his shoulder.

“We should be back in an hour or two,” he replies, meeting your gaze.

“We’ll try to be as quick as we can.” San assures you, drawing your attention to him in the next moment.

You nod your understanding once more.

“Okay, well, be careful,” you reply, eyes scanning over each and every one of them. “All of you.”

With a small smile, you’re turning around and heading back down the hallway, Kuroo in tow.

You fail to see the way they all turn to look at the eldest, who stands visibly frozen in his spot for the moment. Yunho manages to pull him out of his thoughts by clapping him once on the shoulder in the next second, the eight of them transporting themselves (and Stella) to their throne room.

Seonghwa cannot deny the way his heart swells, but this time, with hope. You looked at him again. Actually looked at him, with something other than disgust or disdain on your features. Perhaps things really are starting to get better. Little by little, he’ll make things right, no matter how long it takes.

Meanwhile, as they handle the urgent summons, you continue to make your way down the hallway and towards the music room. You figure there’s no time like the present, considering they won’t be around for a little while. At least you can play in peace.

Flicking on the lights, you notice Kuroo immediately making his way over to the large bay windows and hopping onto the window seat, laying down and making himself comfortable. You, on the other hand, walk over to the grand piano, an instrument of which you haven’t played in about two years.

You can still hear your sister’s words echoing in your mind as you open the lid, propping it on its stand as you walk over to the keys. Your hand gently brushes over the ivory before pulling out the bench and taking a seat.

Music has always been an escape for you, whether it be playing, or listening. Last time, when your depression got really bad, you found comfort in the familiar press of the keys, letting out all of your emotions and thoughts through the songs you would play, sometimes singing along in the privacy of your own home. Perhaps this time it will help, too.

Taking a deep breath, you raise your hands to begin to play.

For a full minutes, your fingers hover over the piano, eyes staring blankly over the top of the instrument as you blink. Despite the fact that you’re alone now, and you know that you’re alone, you’re still cautious of beginning. You’ve never really liked playing in front of other people as you got older, and only very specific people, like your friends and family have heard you play in more recent years. So, to say you’re a little nervous to touch the keys after so long would be an understatement.

Well, there’s no time like the present, so you might as well start with the piece you’ve been playing since you were small.

Closing your eyes briefly, you let the tips of your fingers rest on top of the ivory as you take another deep breath. A moment later, you begin to play.

The sound of Beethoven’s Moonlight Sonata slowly fills the air, and despite the few minor slip ups at first, either you rushing the timing or a wrong press of the keys, you begin to lose yourself to the music. One song blends into the next as you play a few classics that you’ve known since childhood, allowing the notes to surround you and offer you a comfort like they always have.

It’s one of the reasons hearing Yeosang play his violin for you meant so much, and even now, you cannot help but think back on that moment. Smiling to yourself, you look back down at the ivory keys below your hands, starting a new melody. One which you have not practiced in years.

It’s a little rough to start, considering it had been one of the newest songs you learned before being unable to play for quite some time, but once you get into the flow, you cannot help the way a giddy grin takes over your features.

Slowly, a medley of the Lord of the Rings soundtrack rings throughout the room, offering you comfort in your own way. A medley you had created yourself with all of your favourite songs from the movies. Each part flows into the next, and once you recall all of it, you find yourself sitting a little straighter in your seat, a pride swelling within your chest at the memories.

Though, nothing will ever mean as much to you, or sound quite like Yeosang performing Rohan’s melody for you on his violin. You don’t think you, or anything for that matter, could ever top that.

As soon as the medley finishes, you notice Kuroo staring at you from the window bench. His wide, golden eyes shine with nothing but curiosity and awe, causing your heart to warm in your chest.

“No tattling on me, now, okay?” You tease him lightly. “Especially not for the next few songs.”

A small coo is all you receive in response as he rests his head back onto his front paws.

“Also, if you don’t like my singing, that’s on you,” you chuckle, and you notice how his ears seem to perk up at this. “Fair warning, though: it’s been a while.”

Again, another soft coo greets your ears, almost as if he’s reassuring you. You smile.

“Let’s see,” you hum to yourself, “how did that one part go again?”

Briefly, you go over the bridge of the song, letting your memories resurface as you recall the melody. Once you do, you nod to yourself, starting at the very beginning.

The opening notes of Taemin’s Under My Skin begin to echo around the room. The familiar melody surrounds you like a warm embrace, feeling as if this song can perfectly describe your emotions at this time.

You open your mouth, and begin to sing.

With each lyric, your voice gets louder, stronger. It’s as if a piece of you that has been missing has finally returned, gaining confidence with every note that you hit. The emotions that you pour into your voice allow you to work through them, embracing every part of yourself and this situation as the meaning of the song overtakes your every sense.

With every word, with every note, you feel even better than before. Finally, you can release some of this stress, this pain holding onto your heart from over the past few weeks.

Before you know it, over an hour and a half has passed by with you getting lost in the music you create with the piano once more. It feels as if a weight has finally been lifted from your shoulders. With each passing second, you find more of yourself, grounding you once more to the person you are, the person that you have become, and the person you are always meant to be.

After another song, you pull out your phone. There’s one you have yet to learn the instrumental for that you’ve been meaning to, so you figure doing so now won’t be too bad. It’s not a difficult song by any means, so you’re sure you’ll be able to find either a basic outline for the sheet music online, or even if you listen to it enough times, you should be able to figure it out on your own. Besides, you feel as if this particular song relates quite well to your current situation, especially with Seonghwa.

That’s one thing that you’ve always been good at. If you listen to a song enough times, you’re usually able to distinguish which notes are being played, and copy the main melody enough for you to perform it.

Sure enough, not even twenty minutes later, you’ve taught yourself the song. It’s not very long, anyways, and from what you’ve leaned, it’s only really a few notes and chords. Well, here goes nothing.

Taking a deep breath, you begin to play from the very beginning.

The steady sound of a repeating, echoing note and its accompanying chords can be heard throughout the room as you lose yourself to the music once more. There’s a heaviness to your heart now as you begin to perform Bang Chan’s i hate to admit, voice sounding the slightest bit more strained as you allow your emotions to consume you.

Every thought you’ve had over the past three weeks surrounds you, coming through in the words you sing as tears begin to line your vision.

“I don’t know, I can’t give up on you,” you may not be in love with him yet, but that doesn’t mean your heart still cannot break. It’s the people that you care about that can always hurt you the most.

Your voice rings out throughout the room, and you notice Kuroo raise his head, staring at you with his wide, golden eyes.

You close your own as your first tear falls.

“I can’t stop thinking ‘bout you,” the steady press of your hands into the keys grounds you for the moment, the repetitive notes seemingly blending into one. “Just stay with me.”

The silent tears continue to fall down your cheeks, and you do whatever you can to not allow your emotions to fully control your voice for the moment. Unfortunately, it does not seem to be working, the final lines trembling as your voice drops to a near whisper.

“How could I forget?”

The next breath you take is shaky, your lips trembling as you slowly get out the final lines of the song.

“I might as well forget…”

The final notes ring out throughout the room, and you finally open your eyes. That’s when you notice, Kuroo isn’t looking at you, but at someone behind you.

The sound of someone falling to their knees echoes throughout the room. You don’t even need to turn around to know who it is.

Wiping at your tears quickly, you swallow the remaining emotions in your throat. As much as you didn’t want to be overheard playing, or singing right now, you realize that you can use this opportunity to your advantage.

Before either of you two can say anything, your back straightens, and you’re beginning another song. You don’t want to face him right now, anyways. Besides, you don’t think that you can.

The gentle trickle of notes fill the air, and you find yourself not even worrying about if you’ll remember the entire melody or not. Each press of the keys is almost second nature, despite how long you’ve gone without playing this song.

It was one of your favourites, after all, especially when you had been going through some rough times. Though, now that you think about it, the meaning has significantly changed. Again, you cannot help but marvel at how fitting this song is for your current situation as you continue to play the introductory notes of Try by Pink.

Taking a deep breath as your lips part, you begin to sing.

You don’t know how many of them are in the room with you, or if it’s just him. Given how you seem to only feel one intense stare locked onto your back, you believe it’s just the two of you. Besides, Kuroo hasn’t taken his eyes off of him since he’s entered the room.

“Where there is desire, there is gonna be a flame,” you can hear the way his breath hitches behind you as you hit the first chorus. “Where there is a flame, someone’s bound to get burned.”

He holds his breath.

“But just because it burns doesn’t mean you’re gonna die,” your eyes close briefly. “You gotta get up and try, try, try.”

Your voice echoes around the room, and you notice a stillness unlike ever before settle around you as you continue on. You know you have his complete and utter attention. Especially as you sing the next line.

“Why do we fall in love so easy,” he doesn’t fail to miss the catch in your voice, “even when it’s not right?”

The second time you hit the chorus, you can feel the tears once again prickling at your eyes. They pool in the corners, and as soon as you blink, you can feel them begin to fall.

This song is for you as much as it is for him.

“Ever worry that it might be ruined,” your voice is much softer now, and it’s like you’re speaking directly to him, “and does it make you want to cry?”

You don’t even need to turn around to know that he’s just as much of a mess as you are right now. Your heart squeezes painfully in your chest, and you do whatever you can to fight off the lingering emotions that threaten to choke you out at any second as the final chorus echoes throughout the room.

You can do this. You can make it through this. You’re almost there. At least, that’s what you keep telling yourself. Though, you’re pretty sure as soon as you turn around to see his broken expression once more, you won’t be able to control your emotions any longer.

“You gotta get up and try, try, try,” your voice is the softest it’s even been as your eyes fall shut. “Gotta get up and try, try, try.”

The final notes ring out through the room, and your hands fall into your lap. All you can do is stare at the keys in front of you as that still silence settles around the both of you. The only sounds you can hear are his muffled sobs, and your uneven breathing.

Taking a deep breath, you steady your nerves. Wiping at your tears with the back of your hand, you slowly turn around to face him while still sitting on the bench. Sure enough, you see him on his knees, about halfway between you and the open doorway.

Of all the previous times you’ve seen him cry in front of you, never has the eldest looked so broken. There is a deep sorrow held within his gaze as he stares into your eyes, fresh tears trailing down his face. His hands tremble as they hang limply at his sides, palms facing upwards in your direction in a display of utmost surrender and submission.

Painfully, Seonghwa’s heart squeezes. The worst suffocating feeling that he’s ever felt in his entire life surrounds his entire chest as he continues to stare at you, sobs wracking his entire body the longer you go without saying anything.

So badly does he want to hope, but he doesn’t think he’ll survive that loss if it turns out to be false.

You swallow your emotions for the moment as you meet his gaze.

“Give me an hour or two, and once we’ve both calmed down,” you stand from your spot, “then, we can talk.”

Seonghwa can only nod his head vigorously, worried that if he opens his mouth all that will escape him will be a choked sob. Still, he cannot deny the way his breath catches, no longer being able to stop that glimmer of hope from shining within his gaze.

Without another word, you walk passed him and out of the room.

You don’t come across any of the others on your way back to your own room, and for that, you’re grateful. You can still tell they’re around, hearing sound coming from both the home theatre, and game room as you pass by. The fact that they’re being respectful enough not to swarm you for the moment helps to warm your heart as you wipe at your lingering tears once more.

Making it back to your room, you shut the door behind you once you step inside, leaving it open only the slightest crack incase Kuroo decides to join you later. You could really go for a nice warm bath right now; you just need to calm down for a bit and relax.

An hour later, you find yourself sitting in the exact same chaise you were in the previous evening. This time, you sit crossed legged as you gaze out into the desert before you. 

The stars glimmer like jewels in the sky above, and a gentle breeze caresses your heated skin. Kuroo sits on the railing of your balcony, tail swishing behind him as he looks out over the space in front of the both of you. Silently, he keeps you company, standing guard and offering you comfort in his own way.

Again, the balcony doors rest wide open behind you, but you’ve opted to keep the door to your room closed for now. You doubt he’ll use the door anyways, once you call for him. Besides, you do not wish to be disturbed.

Letting out a sigh, you close your eyes.

For the next half an hour, you calm your mind. 

Occasionally, you have used meditation to help you relax, and you find yourself leaning into those few times that you have, recalling the breathing exercises that you’ve used previously that have worked before, and using them now.

Taking a deep, steady breath in, you open your eyes.

Finally, you are ready to talk to Seonghwa.

The very moment you brush up against that royal blue string within your mind, Seonghwa is beside you in a second. His hands pause halfway in buttoning up his shirt, and you notice his hair is damp. He must have just gotten out of the shower.

The soft call of your name from his lips has you meeting his gaze, even if only briefly.

“Sit,” you motion to the chair beside you. “We have a lot to discuss."

Instantly, he’s in the seat beside yours, sorrowful gaze locked onto your figure. From the corner of your eyes, you can see how bloodshot his own are, and you can just tell he’s probably been crying for a lot longer than you have been.

A moment of silence passes over the both of you as you stare forward, and out into the desert.

“Would you like to go first, or should I?” You pose the question gently, forearms resting over your knees.

You hear him take a deep, shaky breath in.

“Whatever would make you more comfortable.” Comes his soft reply.

You nod your head only once, slowly at that.

“Alright,” you blink, eyes transfixed on the way Kuroo’s tail continues to swish back and forth over the railing in front of you. “Then I would like to hear what you have to say.”

He’s quiet for a moment, and you recognize this as him collecting his thoughts.

“I-“ he begins, before stopping short, staring at his intertwined hands as he leans forward to rest his elbows on his knees. “I have no greater regret than the pain my words have caused you. I promised you that I would never speak to you in such a manner again, and I broke that promise to you. I swore I would never hurt you, yet that’s all I seem to be doing.”

Taking a deep breath, he swallows the sudden dryness in his throat as he keeps his voice low.

“I find that I never know how to control myself around you: my emotions, my actions, my words.” His fingers tighten around each other. “I know it’s no excuse for how I acted. I let my fear control me that day. I let it control my anger, which subsequently controlled my words. It was misdirected, and unacceptable on my part. I took it out on you, and for that, I am truly sorry.”

Looking up, he meets your gaze, and you see fresh tears lining his eyes.

“I will spend every day of the rest of our lives making this up to you; proving to you how sincere I am is the only thing on my mind. I cannot live without you; you’ve more than proved your point.” He continues lowly. “You’re right. I could never just get over losing you. You mean too much to me.”

This time, it’s your turn to swallow the sudden dryness in your throat. You had only thought he had heard you the other day, but this just confirms it.

“Losing you is my greatest fear,” his voice catches, as if the mere thought of it is simply too much for him to bear. At the way his eyes shine with a newfound horror, you know that it is. “Seeing you bleeding out like that, with- with-“ his whole body begins to tremble as he squeezes his eyes shut, the first of his tears falling as the memory consumes him once more, “with arrows piercing your back terrified me. I thought-“ he rubs his face with his hands, taking a deep breath to attempt to calm himself as his eyes remain closed for the moment. “When I saw you hunched over like that, I thought you were dead.”

Your expression falls as you watch his whole body tremble before you.

“All I could think was that it was my fault. I couldn’t protect you. I failed you.” He chokes on his breath. “Then, you moved, and all I could think about was that you could die at any moment. The fact that you seemed to care so little for your own life drove me insane.” He takes another shaky breath in as he meets your gaze. “How could you not realize how precious you are? Not just to me, but to all of us?”

You remain quiet, allowing him to finish his own thoughts for the moment as he looks back down at his intertwined hands.

“Seeing you laying there on the table, bleeding out with that damned poison running through your veins only made it worse. I felt like I couldn’t breathe, and all I could do was blame myself for ever letting you get in harms way,” he says, eyes falling shut once more. “I couldn’t help but to think that maybe, if I had just suggested doing something else, or even if I had just kept my mouth shut, you wouldn’t be greeting death like an old friend right in front of my very eyes. You would have never been in danger. You would have never gotten hurt.”

“And then to hear you say that,” his whole body tenses. “To hear you brushing everything off as if you were fine, and that you weren’t minutes away from death had me terrified. How could you be so calm? Why would you use your energy to reassure us when you could collapse at any moment? Were you not worried for yourself?”

“So, I got angry. Angry at the lack of care you seemed to have for yourself. Angry at the way you seemed to not want us to worry about you, despite everything going on. Angry that you would seemingly be okay with throwing away your own life, and not recognizing how important you are to us. To me.” He blinks, shifting his gaze to meet your own once more. “I wasn’t angry that you protected a child. I was angry at the fact that you got hurt protecting a child when I was supposed to be the one protecting you.”

“I never meant a word I said to you, and I have regretted them ever since,” he stares deeply into your eyes, tears falling from his own. “I had no right to speak to you how I did. I had no right to allow my fear to control my anger like that, and take it out on you. You are not stupid, and you most certainly are not a burden. You never were, and you never will be.”

You swallow thickly.

“I hate knowing that I ever made you feel that way,” his voice trembles, and suddenly, he can no longer meet your gaze. “I made those voices return. I did that to you.” His whole body begins to shake as more tears escape his eyes as he squeezes them shut once more, hands coming up to tangle in his hair. “I’m sorry.” He chokes on a sob. “I’m so, unbelievably sorry.”

“From the bottom of my heart, and with everything that I am,” meeting your gaze right now is the hardest thing he’s ever done in his entire life as a shame unlike any other washes over him, “I sincerely apologize for everything that I have done that has hurt you.”

“There is no greater regret in my entire life knowing that I’ve ruined everything, and I will spend however long it takes making it up to you. I will never stop wanting to make things right. I am so, deeply in love with you, that I cannot survive without you.”

You stretch out your legs in front of you, turning your body to sit on the edge of the chaise as you face him fully.

“So, please-“ he falls to his knees, scared that you’re about to up and leave him again for the time being as he reaches across to you, hands clinging desperately onto your sides as he collapses on top of your thighs. “Please, do whatever you want with me. Hate me. Yell at me. Hit me until you are satisfied. Just whatever you do, please don’t go back to ignoring me.” More tears spill down his cheeks as he inhales a shaky breath, voice muffled as he presses his face further into you. “I don’t know if I can survive that.”

A moment of silence settles over the both of you as he sobs into your stomach, arms coming to wrap around your torso as he clings onto you for dear life. You say nothing, opting to take a deep breath in to steady your nerves.

Only, Seonghwa perceives it as a disappointed sigh, sobbing harder into you as he tightens his grip around your waist.

“Please,” he begs. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry, My Divine, please-“

Like a broken record, Seonghwa keeps repeating those few words to you, pleading desperately for you not to go. To not leave him, or go back to ignoring him. He wants you to know how sincere he is in both his words and actions, knowing that he would even cut his own beating heart out of his chest as long as it meant your happiness.

“Seonghwa,” the way you breathe his name sets a whole new round of sobs wracking his chest. The moment he feels your hand come up to begin threading your fingers through his hair, his whole body begins to shake. “You didn’t ruin everything. You did not ruin anything.”

His whole chest shakes with the weight of his sobs, and you can feel him pressing his fingers harder into the skin of your back. Almost as if he’s grounding himself to you in this moment, like you may slip through his grasp. As if to prove to himself that this is real.

“I appreciate your honesty,” you say, continuing to softly thread your fingers through his hair in comfort. “Now, are you ready for mine?”

Again, he nods vigorously against your stomach, eyes squeezing shut as he prepares himself for the worst.

You take a deep breath in.

“First of all, I would like to apologize to you-“

“My Divine, you have no reason to apologize to me-“

“I have just as much reason to apologize to you when I purposely hurt you in the same ways that I got upset at you for hurting me.” You reply.

He remains quiet.

“I was frustrated, and upset,” you continue, staring straight ahead as you feel him shift his gaze to stare up at you for the moment.

“You had every right to be.”

“That doesn’t make what I said okay, Hwa,”

He cannot help the way his heart stutters a beat in his chest. You called him Hwa again.

“I didn’t mean it. I want you to know that,” your fingers still in his hair. “I was being my typical, extremely hypocritical self, and I knew it. Yet, I still said it to hurt you.”

You take a moment to pause.

“I-“ you exhale a long breath through your nose. “It’s the people that we care about the most that can shatter us the quickest.”

His breath hitches.

“The reason, Seonghwa, that I broke down the way I did after what you said to me is because I care.” You swallow the sudden dryness in your throat as you feel him go completely still in your grip. “I care about you. All of you, and every logical part of me tells me that I shouldn’t, given the circumstances, but I still do. I have never had someone treat me, let alone desire me as you all do, and if I’m being honest with myself, it fucking terrifies me.”

Finally, you spare a glance down into his eyes, and you notice his wide gaze staring completely captivated by you for the moment.

“It terrifies me because, selfishly, I do not want to lose any of it.” Your voice drops to a mere whisper, as if ashamed of what you’re admitting to him at this very moment. “I have gone through most of my life with those voices in my head telling me that I am not good enough. I have never believed anyone could ever want me, let alone love me as unconditionally as you all do. I have always believed that I’ve had to earn people’s affection, lest they see me as a burden.”

Fresh tears spring to your eyes as you attempt to keep your voice from shaking.

“I-“ your voice catches in your throat. “I have always felt alone because I never wanted to burden others with my problems, or my presence. It’s gotten better over the past few years, but-“ you swallow, averting your gaze to the side to see Kuroo already staring as intently at you as Seonghwa is. You close your eyes. “That is not the first time I have almost greeted death like an old friend.”

Seonghwa’s reaction is immediate, that same fear flashing in his eyes as he’s instantly sitting on the chaise beside you and pulling you into his arms. Your head rests on his chest as his one hand comes to support the back of your head, cradling you to him gently. 

A tear lands on your cheek that is not your own as your hand clings desperately to the material of his shirt.

“After my sister lost her child, I can’t count the amount of times I found her close to her own death,” you whisper, afraid that if the words are any louder, your voice may crack. “I blamed myself each and every time. How could I not notice the signs? I wasn’t there for her enough when she needed me. Not to mention how those voices just made everything worse. I was useless, stupid, and my family was already stretched thin enough with my sister that I couldn’t burden them with my own problems. Mine seemed trivial in comparison, anyways. If I didn’t even care about myself, why should they?”

You can feel his grip tighten around you, pulling you closer into his chest.

“My own death does not scare me, but seeing that same fear I know has always been reflected on my own face paint itself over my sister’s features when she found me terrified me unlike anything before.” The first of your tears begin to fall. “To this day, I am the biggest hypocrite I know. I made her promise me that she would continue living, to continue fighting, and I couldn’t even keep that same promise to her.”

“That’s when we both swore to each other that we would get through this together, and we did.” Your eyes fall shut. “To this day, she was the only one that knew, and I cannot help but still think about if she didn’t find me that day, or if I didn’t find her all those times first. So, of course I’m going to prioritize someone else’s life over mine, especially if that someone is a child. I know the effects first hand of what losing one could mean. Besides, my life will never be as important as someone else’s.”

Seonghwa goes so still that you swear he’s stopped breathing.

“Do you-“ he swallows his emotions, throat going dry, “do you really believe that?” His chest tightens, heart squeezing painfully as another tear falls from his eye. “Do you really believe that your life is worth less than someone else’s?”

Your lips part briefly with a response before you promptly shut them. Your silence speaks volumes.

Then, you’re uttering the words that break Seonghwa’s heart anew this evening, voice barely above a whisper, “It always has been.”

“My Divine,” he chokes on a sob, “you must know that that’s not true. Not even in the slightest.”

You remain silent.

“Please,” he practically whimpers, “you have to realize that your life is just as important as, if not more important than anyone else’s.”

“I understand that I should realize that, and I do at times,” you reply softly. “It’s just when it comes down to it, I cannot help but prioritize others over me. If I can save others from pain, I would rather take it all than see someone I care about get hurt.”

“But what about how we feel when we see you in pain?” His whole body shakes, grip tightening once more around your body. “Do you not realize how that hurts us?”

“I realize that now,” you respond earnestly. “Believe me, I do.”

“Then why-“

“I have gone my whole life following this mentality, Seonghwa. You cannot expect me to change a fundamental part of who I am just like that,” you sigh. “My insecurities are every bit a part of me as my confidence, just as my depression is every bit a part of me as my happiness. Some days are better than others, and I can reason with myself. Other times, the voices win. I can manage them a lot better now, but my biggest insecurity, my biggest fear is always at the back of my mind. It’s why I cannot go back there again.”

You can tell he wants to ask. So badly does he want to know, to be able to comfort you and reassure you in every and any way he can. Only, you’re speaking before he gets a chance to.

“Listen, Seonghwa,” you let out another sigh, “I know you want to know, and I’m always a strong believer in reciprocating vulnerability when it is shown to me. However, this is a part of me that I am not ready to share with any of you yet. It’s not an easy subject for me to talk about with anybody, and I don’t readily do so often. I need you to understand though, that it’s not because I do not trust you. I do trust you, Seonghwa. I trust all of you. I trust you all with my life. I am simply not ready to share such a part of me with any of you yet.”

“I want you to know, though, that there is a reason I always reply with ‘I believe you’ to you all.” You tell him. “As much as that phrase if for you, it’s also for me as well.”

“I understand, My Divine.” You feel him nod against your head. “I understand.”

“Thank you,” you breathe, feeling a small weight lifting off of your shoulders. Then, after a moment, you add, “for everything.”

He blinks, squeezing you tighter to his chest as he places his lips onto the top of your head. Allowing his eyes to flutter shut, Seonghwa inhales deeply, breathing in your scent and revelling in this moment here with you.

“Of course, My Divine,” he mumbles against the top of your head. “I love you, and I will always care for you. Even if I don’t always know how to properly express it sometimes.”

You chuckle at that, lips twitching upwards in the corners. “I believe you.”

You can feel him smile against you, whole body nearly relaxing until you feel him stiffen beneath your hold.

“I, uh,” he stammers, shifting slightly as his grip loosens around your body, “I did it again, didn’t I?”

“Did what?” You quirk a brow, tilting your head up to look at him as you wipe at your dried tears with the back of your hand.

“This,” he replies, eyes flicking down to your form wrapped in his embrace as he chews on his bottom lip.

You chuckle, “Hwa, if I didn’t want to be held, or even touched by you, I would have told you to get off of me a long time ago.”

“Oh,” his lips part slightly in mild surprise, a bashful smile stretching across his features. “This is okay, then?”

Really, it warms your heart more than you care to admit that he’s taking the time to consider your comfortability right now after everything.

“Of course,” you nod slightly. “Though, can we lay down, my back is getting kind of stiff-“

Instantly, you’re laying down in the chaise, his arms wrapped securely around your body as he holds you to his chest.

The giggle that you release is music to his ears.

“Someone’s eager,” you tease, curling yourself further into him to make yourself more comfortable.

“I will not lie to you, My Divine,” his voice is a bit breathless as he replies to you, ‘I have been fantasizing about holding you in my arms for quite a long time.”

“Well, if it wasn’t obvious before,” you smile faintly, hearing the way his heart begins to race within his chest, “you may stay. At least, for a little while.”

“I promise you I won’t fuck things up this time,” he responds earnestly.

“You better not,” you tease him, poking at his chest quite firmly with your finger and noticing once more how not all of his buttons have been done up. “Next time, I definitely won’t be as forgiving.”

His breath hitches in his throat, eyes shining as he looks down at you in his arms, noticing how you’re already staring up at him with a knowing look.

“You mean…?”

“Yes, Mars,” you hum, and you feel his whole body go still beneath you. “I forgive you.”

“I-“ he blinks, swallowing the sudden dryness in his throat. “Are you sure?”

“Do you not want me to forgive you?” Your brow quirks as you continue to stare up at him.

“Of course I do, I just-“

“Do you think I would perform for just anyone, Mars?” You tilt your head slightly as you smile up at him softly. “It will have to be an effort on both of our parts, but I am willing to try if you are.”

Once more, his lips are back on the top of your head, gracing the skin of your forehead as he presses you as close to his body as he can. A soft rumble shakes his chest, and you already know his answer without him saying it.

“Thank you,” his voice is raw, strained from the intense emotions he’s feeling in this very moment. Gratitude, happiness, but more than all of that, love floods his veins as he holds you to him. “My Divine, thank you.”

Slowly, your one hand slides beneath the opening of his shirt to rest directly over his heart, feeling the way it thunders beneath your touch as a pleasant shiver caress his spine. You meet his gaze, fresh tears shining in his eyes as you smile up at him softly.

“I swear to you I will not let you down,” nothing but sincerity is reflected in his fond gaze as he stares deeply into your eyes.

“I believe you,” you hum, settling back against him with your head on his chest.

A small silence surrounds the both of you, and you notice Kuroo looking back out at the desert once more. His tail swishes languidly as he sits, perched on the railing of your balcony as you are more than content to rest in Seonghwa’s arms for the moment. You even go so far as to gently rub your thumb against the skin of his chest, loving the way you can feel his heart still racing beneath the palm of your hand.

A pleasant shiver runs up his spine.

“My Divine, you must know how such a simple touch from you tests my every last bit of control,” his voice rumbles out, the subtle hints of a growl to his tone.

You giggle. “Then, I guess we’re even.”

You can tell your words catch him by surprise at the way he says nothing in response.

“You’re the one who showed up tonight looking like this,” you emphasize your words by trailing your hand a little further along his chest, causing his shirt to fall open the slightest bit more. “Not to mention you smell incredible.”

Taking another deep breath, your eyes flutter shut, practically moaning as the scent of mahogany teakwood invades your every sense.

“Nothing is more attractive to me than someone who both looks and smells nice,” you sigh wistfully, a smile tugging onto your lips.

Seonghwa cannot deny the way his whole body heats at your words, a low growl building in his chest as your praise washes over him. Finally, he’s done something right.

Now, if only he could cover you in him. Oh, how he longs for the day where he can absolutely drench you in his scent, and him in you.

“I always live to please you,” his voice rumbles out, low and sultry as his eyes hood over.

You do not fail to catch the double meaning of his words.

“All in due time, Seonghwa,” you chuckle, a grin to your lips as you settle against him. Your eyelids flutter shut. “All in due time.”

[starsomens]

“Where did she go Nick?” Noah was frantic, on the verge of tears and just flipping the room upside down

“Listen even if I wanted to tell you I swore to her I wouldn’t say a word” the drummer raised his hands.

Things between you and Noah were rocky. Time, schedules, petty arguments, even to the point of just ignoring each other and Noah staying over other places. You just couldn’t take more arguments or nights spent alone crying….you left him a note, blocked his number and never looked back.

Noah came home to your things gone, and a cold dark home. He thought you were just trying to get back at him, until the hours grew later into the afternoon. You had blocked him, on everything. Your friends wouldn’t say a word to him, and Nick had apparently known about it. You made him promise you not to crack and tell Noah, and he kept his promise.

He loved both of you. Noah was his close friend and front man, but you had also grown on him like a sister. He saw how unhappy you were becoming, so he kept his promise

“Nick I swear to fucking God, all she leaves is this note and it doesn’t solve shit for me!” Noah begins to become frustrated as he waves the note you left for him in the air.

“What does the note say?” Nick asks, before Noah could argue back “just read it”

“…..on the corner of first and amistad.”

Noah stares at his band mate and friend and it has finally hit him.

“….oh fuck…Fuck!” He grabs his jacket and speeds out of the door.

Where were you? When everything was falling apart…

He races down the street, making every turn possible to get to you as fast as he could. His mind was racing, his hands shook as he zipped through traffic. He had met you on the corner of a train station, and you were listening to The Fray, so it was always a reference you’d make….but this time it was different.

“Come on,come on” his mind races back to the days where he was stubborn, or when you were petty. How stupid those arguments were. How dumb it was to just ignore you, and now he was on the verge of losing everything he loved.

All my days were spent by telephone. That never rang, and all I needed was a call…

He makes it to the train station and park horribly. He’d probably get a ticket but that didn’t matter. What mattered right now was finding you, and stopping you from leaving. He could feel his chest filling with ache, his eye burned, and his head was pounding. He runs through the stations looking for you. Searching for you familiar face in the crowd

Lost and insecure, you found me, you found me, lying on the floor. Surrounded, surrounded, why’d you have to wait?

Once he finds you, he’ll hold you, and apologize and fix every wrong he’d done. He cousins lose you! He refused to let you go. His eyes land on a hat he knew too well. The one he had gives you from his closet to keep you warm. He makes his way through the crowded platform, praying the train wouldn’t arrive before he could reach you.

Well, in the end, everyone ends up alone. But losin her, the only one who’s ever know. Who I am, who I’m not, who I wanna be…

“E-excuse me, sorry. Y/N!” He calls out your name, the sweet beautiful name he adores. Each time he said it he couldn’t help but smile. He regretted every time he’d say it with venom in his tone. Your name deserved to be spoken only with love “Y/N!!”

Now way to know how long she will be next to me…

He finally reached the end of the endless crowd and reaches out to you. His hand lands on your shoulder and you spin around. You pluck the ear buds from your ears and stare at him in shock.

“Y/N…I…I found you…” he said out of breath

“You….did…” was all you responded to him

“Y/N…please don’t do this. Not like this please just come home” he tells you as he looked at your luggage.

I’ve been callin, for years and years and years, and you never left me no messages…

“Noah. I can’t…not anymore” you didn’t look at him. Keeping you eyes down to the ground, or on the recaps waiting on your train “…I…I wasn’t important enough for you to take the time and fix things…so why now?” You asked him still keeping you gaze lowered

“I was stupid Y/N, please believe me I want to fix this I really do. I was….just…..lost and insecure…” he said as he realized exactly where you were

“….so why’d you have to wait?” You finally look at him “….wait until it was broken for you to try and fix it?! I…I loved you Noah…I-i…” it broke his heart to hear you so broken, to hear your voice cracking and breaking, the tears that ran down your blushed cheeks

“And I love you Y/N! I loved you then, now and I will forever please. I love you” you takes a hold of your hands and brings you close to him, resting his forehand against yours, holding your knuckles to his lips “I love you so much….please don’t leave….i found you..”

“You found me…” you reply back “where were you?”

“…just a little late”

“Why’d you have to wait?” You retreat your hands and take a step back from Noah. You take the hat off and hand it to him. You walk toward the edge of the platform as your train pulls in. He watched as you slipped form his fingers, his grip trying to hold on to your hands, before they finally slipped. The doors opened and you take your first step into the train

“Y/N! Please!” He calls out to you gripping the hat in his hand as tears ran down his cheeks. Your heart ached at the sight but you cousins gave him anymore. In fear that both do your tears would bring you both back to where it all started.

“To find me? (To find me..)”

You were gone.

[builtbybrokenbells]

Catch-22 | ii

Nothing good ever happens after 2am.

Masterlist

Pairing: Sam Kiszka x f!reader

Word Count: 9k

Warnings: angst, old heartbreak and some new heartbreak, mentions of hookups, crying, breakups, arguing, high school talk, mentions of insecurities, swearing, drinking, some fluff, sorry if i miss any!

hi everyone, was going to wait to post this later tonight but i am miserably tired and will probably go right to bed after work lol, so here you go. lots of backstory in this one! like I said, i plan on this story being a bit of a slowburn so please have some patience with me while we set the scene. i hope you’re liking this so far because i know i am :) as always, enjoy, be kind, and don’t mind any grammar mistakes 🫶🏻 (lightly edited my apologies)

The sun was high in the sky, casting a golden glow over the earth while green grass was tickling your feet as you tumbled through it. Your parents had given up on the battle of putting your shoes on, because you kicked them off every time they thought they had won. They were sat on a porch, looking out at you every now and again to check in, but we’re mostly caught up in chatter with the other set of parents sitting beside them. Life was simple; all you had to care about was toys and sleep, and maybe scoring well on a spelling test every now and again. In truth, as a six year old, there was no need to worry about anything more than that. Your whole life revolved around Disney movies and chocolate milk, shared most often with your best friend in the entire world.

Sam Kiszka was undoubtedly that person, from the very day you were born up until long after you moved away. Long before you were ever a thought in your parents heads, they had been good friends with Sam’s parents. Your older sister had the same relationship with Sam’s older twin brothers, and you had always been destined for the same fate. Between barbecues and beach days, school sports and sleepovers, your lives had been inevitably intertwined with the Kiszka’s since your very first day on earth. You never thought to complain, mostly because you never knew the difference. They were like an extension of your own family, and in truth, you saw them more often than you saw your actual aunts and uncles.

“Y/n!” Sam exclaimed, catching your attention. Your head turned in his direction, now uncaring for the doll clasped between your hands. A smile was on your lips, excited that he wanted your attention, but it was nothing new. You loved having his attention, and you loved when he was asking for yours. He was always your biggest priority, even back when you were that young. He was running towards you, something held tightly in his hands that you couldn’t see very well from the distance. You took off in a run, forever happy to meet him halfway. When you were within arms reach, he extended his hand out to you, showcasing what he was holding with pride.

“For me?” You asked, struggling with the pronunciation of the ‘r’ at the end of your word. The touch of the speech impediment was blatantly obvious, but he loved you too much to care about it.

“Yeah.” He nodded with a smile on his lips, too. It was nothing special, but it was incredibly important to you, just because it had come from him. He placed the cluster of dandelions he had picked for you in your hand, enthusiastic about his work.

“Thank you, Sammy.” You giggled, bringing them closer to your face to get a closer look.

“You’re welcome.” He beamed. “They’re pretty, just like you.” The childhood innocence was astounding; just two babies speaking from their heart, thrilled by each others company and hoping that your parents would never make you go home. You sat on the ground, crossing your legs and placing the flowers beside you. He wasted no time, sitting down with you, always wanting to do the same thing that you were doing. “We’re gonna be best friends forever, you know.”

“I hope so.” You agreed, amused easily by picking strands of grass from the ground.

“And when we grow up, we’ll get married, just like my parents, ‘cause that’s what best friends do.” He continued, falling back on the ground and looking up to the sky. You laid down next to him, gazing longingly at the clouds. At that age, everything seemed so much more wondrous, so much more beautiful. Colours were brighter, and the world was not yet tainted by the darkness of adulthood. Happiness was the most you knew, diminished only occasionally with sadness that stemmed from a broken toy or a scraped knee. The biggest struggle back then was when your mother made something you disliked for dinner and that bedtime was at eight. It was so much simpler, so much better. The kids in your class were not old enough to be mean, and even if they were, it never mattered because Sam was always by your side.

“M-married?” You struggled with the word, but once again, he didn’t care. He was too busy planning a life full of toy trucks and Barbie dolls, knowing that he loved you enough then to make space for your toys in his life, too, even if he didn’t necessarily like them.

“Yeah,” he said, looking over to you “we wouldn’t have to worry about our parents making us go home. We could stay up all night and play games together forever.” He theorized. Your six-year old brain thought it was the best idea in the whole world, even at that age knowing that a lifetime with Sam was a dream come true. Even if you didn’t fully know what it meant, you couldn’t think of any downsides of his plan.

“That would be awesome.” You giggled, closing your eyes.

“It would be the best.” He corrected, reaching across the grass and slipping his hand into your own.

You woke with a start, heart pounding in your chest and your forehead glistening with sweat. Your stomach was churning with unease, haunted by the innocent memories of your childhood. You sat up, head still spinning with intoxication as you looked around your room. Moonlight was pouring in the window, letting you know that it was nowhere near time for you to wake up. You found your phone tangled in the blankets, pulling it out to check the time. “Four in the morning?” You grumbled, feeling wide awake after your brain’s incessant recollection of your younger years. You did your best to stand, feeling yourself in a constant state of dizziness. You figured if you got some water into you, you could speed up your body’s process in returning to sobriety.

You creeped into the hallway, careful not to disturb any of your sleeping family members. You made it to the kitchen, feeling yourself relax as you grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge. You gulped as much of it down as you could, ignoring the nausea that came along with it. Before finishing the bottle, you grabbed some Advil and swallowed those down, too. Instead of returning to your bedroom, you took a seat at the kitchen table to let the water settle in your stomach. You felt a great deal better already, your eyes more focused and your heart resuming its normal rhythm, but your mind was still racing with memories similar to the one in your dream. You reached out to the fruit bowl sitting on the table, grabbing an apple in hopes that some good nutrients might aid your shaking hands and weak muscles. As you bit into it, you knew that the ailments were not because of a nasty hangover from alcohol; they were solely due to your body’s withdrawal from Sam.

He was the worst addiction you ever had, his effect on you similar to a fever that you just couldn’t kick. You were sweaty, shaky and delirious as you tried to bring your temperature down, but it only ever seemed to spike higher. You went through bouts of missing Sam, feeling the sickness creep in the longer you thought about him, but being face to face with him always seemed to debilitate you. Just when you thought you could rid yourself of the disease for good, he showed up out of nowhere, killing off any healthy cells and engulfing them with his existence. All of your progress gone in an instant, and he didn’t even care to see how badly he was hurting you. Sam was the only thing your body knew, and it craved him so desperately that it was excruciating to go without him, but it was so toxic that as soon as you felt his presence again, you thought you might die from the illness.

As much as you wished he would disappear, you knew that even after all this time, he was the beacon of light in your darkened universe. The only thing that would guide you home when you lost your way, yet also the very thing that you wished to run away from. Back then, he made home feel more like home, but now that he was gone, the lack of his presence made the loneliness scream even louder. The love never disappeared, but it seemed as though resentment grew around it, locking it up and throwing away the key. Even while knowing you held him in such contempt, you knew it was not the end of your story. It rarely ever was, and you believed that after years of manifesting that you would be intertwined forever, you cemented it so well that there was no escape from it, now.

It was the way you and Sam had always worked; you would be inseparable to the point where you started to believe that it truly was forever, and then something would cause a drift. It was either a huge blowout, or a silent goodbye. Neither were favourable because you both wanted to make it work so badly. You would stay away for a while, swear that it was the end and you would never double back on your word, then you would cross paths in a twisted way of fate, inevitably landing right back at the beginning. There was no better way to describe it than your conversation just a few hours before; one of you displeased with seeing the other, yet both of you knowing it was bound to happen despite your efforts at avoidance. Sooner or later, you and Sam always ended up back in each others arms, and eventually, you would be hurt again from the very thing you previously wished to have just once more.

The issue did not lie within a lack of love; the two of you loved each other beyond any measure of human comprehension, but you had absolutely no idea how to love each other properly. Destined to love and programmed to hurt. It was an exhausting process, and even after a lifetime of learning it so well, you hadn’t yet managed to discover the secret to breaking it.

Loving Sam would be the death of you, but the thought of anything at his hand was so comforting that you forgot about the fear of dying itself.

“I think I love you, Rapunzel.” The nickname was endearing, yet already overused in the short time since he had come up with it. He thought he was a genius when he rattled it off for the first time, the inspiration striking him while he sat below your window waiting for you to open it and allow him inside. Living just down the street from you made it so much easier to sneak out and visit, and it had become almost a nightly routine.

“I love you too, Sammy.” You laughed, keeping your voice quiet so your parents wouldn’t hear you. The last think you wanted was to get caught. You could deal with the consequences for yourself, but you’d be miserable if they stopped allowing Sam over.

He was your anchor in your house full of constant chaos; your oldest sister was constantly terrorizing you for taking too long in the bathroom (or for anything else she could think to be angry about), your youngest sister was still in elementary school and was always amidst temper tantrum, and your parents had become experts at fighting without saying a word. Peace and quiet was a foreign concept, and the nighttime routine that you and Sam found yourselves in was the best part of your day. He would sneak over just after dark when his parents believed him to be tucked into his room getting ready for bed. He’d throw a pebble at your window to let you know he was there, and you’d let him inside. You’d spend the rest of the evening together laying in bed, talking about your fears and your hopes and dreams, then he would begrudgingly make his way back home after a prolonged goodbye. It was predictable, but it was comforting, and it was the only constant in your life when everything else seemed so chaotic.

Eighth grade had taken an incredible toll on you. With puberty, your family’s new found tension, and your struggle with not fitting in with the rest of the girls was wearing you down, yet Sam still seemed to look at you the exact same as he always did; with love in his eyes and a smile on his face. Nothing in the world could change it, and he would still love you the same no matter what you looked like, because in his eyes, you were the most beautiful girl in the world. You looked over at him, focused enough to notice that his adolescence was slowly fleeing him. His jawline was sharper and every now again his voice would crack. He sounded different and looked different, but he was the same as he always was. It seemed like time could not even begin to touch his character, nor the bond you had formed, and you were incredibly grateful for it.

“No,” he shook his head, looking down to meet your face “in love, y/n.” His voice was quiet, but it was no longer because of the fear of being caught. He was fearful of rejection and of ruining what you two had worked so hard at creating. You couldn’t explain the feeling that washed over you; it was not anxiety or any type of nervousness, nor excitement. It was comfortability, like what he said to you was less of a shock and more of a rite of passage.

“Yeah, me too.” You whispered. It did not matter that neither of you really knew what being in love meant, because you loved each other in every way you knew how, and that was the only thing that held any importance. Thirteen year olds had no true sense of reality or anything pertaining to growing up, but you knew that you wanted to be with each other and love each other in every way possible. He didn’t care about your bulky glasses or your weight, or any other differences you had from the other girls in your grade. He cared about you, and he cared so much that no other thirteen year old boy could even begin to understand it.

“Really?” He couldn’t hide the relief in his voice, and you thought it was quite endearing.

“Yeah.” You repeated, nodding your head.

“Oh, cool.” He sighed, relaxing back into the mattress. His head was rested atop a pillow that constantly smelled of his shampoo, and it was the same one you always held closest to you while you slept. Sam was your entire world, and always had been. The proclamation of love changed nothing except for giving you another way to express the way you felt for each other. “So, what now?” He asked. You looked down at your hands, fingers already intertwined with each others. You already had your head resting on his arm, leaning against him to steal the warmth straight from his body. “Does it change anything?”

“No,” you shook your head. “I think this is it.”

The memory was gut wrenching, shooting daggers straight into your heart. You weren’t sure if it was your drunken stupor or your broken heart, but you felt another round of tears begging to be shed. You craved so badly to be those innocent kids again, to go back and do it right without breaking each others hearts, but it was impossible. You craved to love Sam without any pain, but you knew that the pain shared between you both was too large to ever let go of. You were afraid that love, especially when it came to Sam, was nothing but violence. Even if the good moments were fantastic, you could not hold on to hope for a lifetime full of hurt.

The creep of footsteps could be heard down the hallway, but you were too drunk to clean yourself up before you were thrown into confrontation. Whoever dared to impose could suffer the consequences of your sadness. When the body presented itself at the other end of the kitchen table, you looked up to meet the concerned eyes of your youngest sister. “Hey, bug.” You quickly wiped away your tears. “What are you doing awake?”

Correction: you were willing to impose your sadness on anyone as long as it wasn’t her.

“You were upset when you came home tonight,” she said, referring to the state you were in after the bar. “I was worried, I couldn’t sleep.”

“You don’t have to worry, Ellie.” You assured her, sniffling back another sob. Your relationship with her was strange. When she was born, you hated her so badly that you asked your parents to bring her back to the hospital. When she started to get a little older and you realized that she was there for good, you began to warm up to her. By the time she was in school, your parents were working a lot and you took care of her more often than not. Your oldest sister, Brooke, helped as much as she could until she went off to college, but she was a lot busier with her personal life than you were, so you were most often the babysitter. You watched her grow up as you did, too, and she was your whole world.

“I do, though.” She replied, dismissing your own dismissal. “You cried yourself to sleep, and now you don’t want to be in your bed. The only time you don’t like sleeping in your bed is when Sam’s done something wrong. I know it reminds you of him.” For a fifteen year old, she was incredibly observant. “I thought you guys stopped talking?”

“We did, and we aren’t going to start again. Just ran into him at the bar. I’ll be okay, though. I’m always okay.” You assured her, closing your eyes to stop any more tears from falling.

“You always take care of me, y/n. Let me take care of you for once.” She said, unwilling to give up. Without permission, she took a seat next to you at the table after grabbing you another bottle of water. “Just because it’s happened a long time ago doesn’t mean it you have to be over it.”

“He’s like the plague.” You sighed, soothing your irritated eyes with the cold skin on the back of your hands. “He just… takes over, and I don’t know how to get rid of him. I try to forget about him, and then something else makes me fall in love all over again.”

“He was your whole world.” She shrugged, wishing there was some magic answer to ease all of the hurt you were feeling. “I mean… I remember Sam being here all of the time. He was around just as much as you were. You were best friends. He was your first love and your first heartbreak. It only makes sense for it to still hurt.” You nodded, knowing that she was right but still feeling as if you should be over him. “Do you still love him?”

You laughed at the thought, an empty smile on your lips as you pondered the best way to describe the feeling.

“I… I don’t know what else to tell you, y/n. I just think that we’ve been doing this for so long… you’re all I know.” He explained, avoiding your eyes at all costs. Your heart was breaking more with each word, your sixteen year old self never having faced such a massive loss before.

“And that’s a bad thing?” You asked, tears slipping down your cheeks. “I mean, we always talked about forever, Sam. You’ve always been my forever; I don’t need to know anything else.”

“You’ll always be my forever, Rapunzel.” He finally looked up, also unable to bear the thought of not living a life alongside you. “Just… right now, I need some space.” After sixteen years of being inseparable, you were trying your best to digest the thought of not spending every day with him. It killed you, but you were not willing to sacrifice your dignity for something that was not worth it. If he wanted to leave, you would hold the door just to make sure it wouldn’t hit him on the way out.

“Okay.” You took a long gulp of air, holding your breath and holding in the sobs begging to be heard. You walked to your bedroom door, twisting the handle and pulling it open. You stood by, waiting for him to take the hint.

“Okay?” He asked, hurt by your lack of fight. “That’s it?”

“That’s it, Sam. If you want to go, then go.” You said, lip quivering at the thought of him walking out. “If you want to break up with me, do it, but you don’t get to be upset when I let you. Why would I fight for you when you don’t want to fight for me?” He watched your face, agony striking him at the thought of being the cause of your pain. After a moment of shared silence, he gave a slow nod.

“Friends?” He asked, taking a step towards you. You watched in disbelief, unsure if he really thought you could remain friends after such a conversation.

“Yeah, sure.” You lied, knowing that once he walked outside, you had no intent of ever letting him back in. He gave you a sad smile, wishing he could hug you but knowing that it was best to leave you alone. He wasn’t even fully into the hallway before you were rushing to close the door, tears pouring down your cheeks at the idea of being without him.

“Do you remember the first time we broke up?” You asked, forcing the words through gritted teeth. “I know you were young, but-“

“I remember.” She said, cutting you off. “It’s hard to forget. I don’t think I ever saw you like that before.”

“When he left, I swore that would be the end of it, but I knew I was still in love with him.” You explained. “Just like every time after that. He left, I promised I was done, and then I’d let him come back. I let him hurt me so many times until I couldn’t take it anymore, and I had to go. You’d think after all of this time I would have learned my lesson, but I saw him last night and all I wanted to do was let him come back… let him come home.” You chuckled, shaking your head at your own stupidity. “The only thing I know how to do is love him, and the only thing he knows how to do is hurt me.”

“Do you think he changed?” She asked, listening intently to your words.

“I was hoping he did. He looks different, he acts different… god, he even sounds different, but when I look at him, something in his eyes always reminds me that it’s the same old Sam. I know that he hasn’t changed, which is good in a way, but that also means he’s still the exactly same person I fell in love with all those years ago, which is horrible.”

“Again, Sam?” You were angry, that much was clear. He cowered under the weight of your emotions, barely prepared for the blowout waiting to happen. “You let me fall in love with you just so you could break up with me again?”

“I’m sorry, y/n.” He muttered, running a a hand through his hair. “I didn’t… I missed you so much as a friend. When we got back together, I was so happy to have you around again that I didn’t realize I’m still not ready for a relationship.”

“Senior prom is in two months, Sam! What the hell am I supposed to do now?”

“I still want to go with you, Rapunzel. That was never a question.” He said, desperate to ease your worry. He reached a hand out to you, hoping that touch might calm your hurt, but you brushed him off without second thought.

“What if I don’t want to go with you? Did you think of that?” You snapped, not really meaning it, but even if you wanted to go with him, you knew it wasn’t good for you. Every time you let Sam come back around, he just seemed to hurt you more. The happiness of your childhood was long forgotten and replaced by all of the pain he’d caused you. Sometimes, it was hard to even imagine the simplicity the two of you once felt together. “You know what? Just go. I don’t have time for this.” You shook your head, realizing you were fighting a losing battle.

“I’m sorry, y/n.” He whispered, making a move to stand.

“I’m so sick of hearing that you’re sorry. Please go, and don’t try and come back. Im done, Sam.” You refused to look at him, completely missing the pain-stricken features of his face. He hated hurting you, yet it seemed like there was no way to resolve the issues without it. In hopes of avoiding any further trouble for you, he gave a small nod and turned to walk out of the room. Once again, you watched him walk away while deep down, you hoped that he would find his way back to you eventually. You were stuck, wishing so badly to escape the cycle, but more so than ever, it seemed like it was never ending.

You wished you could say that you stuck to your word, but when June of your senior year rolled around and nobody else peeked your interest as a prom date, you were left wondering why it would be so bad to go with Sam. You had always planned to do so, and you already had a dress that matched his tie. You wanted your last high school memory to be with your most important person, and it felt almost foolish to go with anyone else. So, with a shred of hope and a lot of courage, you asked Sam if he would still be willing to be your date to prom. He was ecstatic to accompany you and in truth, he was hoping you would change your mind after denouncing him from your life.

As friends, the two of you dressed to the nines and smiled through a night full of photographs. The awkwardness wore off almost immediately and you were back to your old selves, laughing over old memories and crying over your own stupidity. By the end of the night, you were both tipsy and reminiscing on the better times and confessing how miserable life was without each other. As if the stars had aligned perfectly to guide you into the darkest breakup of your life, a messy hookup cemented yours and Sam’s relationship as lovers once again. You graduated from high school and spent the entire summer immersed in each other. The air seemed different, more clear than it had been the last time you two had found your way back to each other. You had small fears about leaving for university, worried that your relationship was not strong enough to make it through the pressure of long distance, but it appeared that Sam was a changed man.

You spent your first year of university taking turns driving to see each other, spending every holiday glued together at the hip, and called whenever you had a spare minute. You survived your gruelling work with sweet messages from him and nights shared in your tiny dorm bed, and you were more in love with him than you ever thought to be possible. It was different than your younger years because back then, love didn’t mean all that much. You really didn’t know what it meant to love someone else so completely, and it all seemed a little silly in comparison to what you felt for him as you got older. He was your whole world, but even better than it was before. It seemed like the pain was obsolete, long forgotten and left in the past to die there. You both grew up, got out of your hometown and away from the same group of people who you saw every single day. It was a fresh start, something that you both desperately needed, and it served you well.

But, all good things must come to an end, and that time, the end was nothing short of catastrophic.

“Maybe you’re just too invested in the Sam you knew when you were kids.” She offered. “It’s been two years, y/n. If you still feel that way for him, maybe it’s worth a shot to try and get to know the new version of him.”

“I’d love to, but there’s something telling me that it’s just going to end the same way. It never seems like I can love him enough to make him want to stay.” Your voice cracked at the thought, the emotion too profound to hide. You loved Sam with every ounce of your heart and soul, but it never seemed like it was good enough for him, and it never mattered in the end, because he was bound to break you every time you let him get close.

“It’s up to you whether you want to talk to him or not. You know your heart the best, and you know him the best. If you don’t think it’s worth it, then please don’t give in to him. If you think he deserves another chance, then do it. Whatever you decide, I’ve got your back, and whatever you do, just don’t let him make you think that you’re not good enough, because it’s not true.”

“Thank you, bug.” You reached out for her hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “You should get some sleep and stop worrying about me.”

“I always worry about you, and you always worry about me. It what we do.” She shrugged. “Are you going to bed, too?” You nodded, looking at the time displayed in green numbers on the stove.

“Yeah, probably should.” You said, but you were in no rush to get up and go. Your bed was haunting you with Sam’s memory, making it impossible to forget about him even in a slumber. His name was plastered on the walls and his face had seeped into the foundation, making it impossible to get away. He was the whole world, and you were just living in it. Everywhere you turned led you straight to another reminder of him, and it was sickening. But, even in the sickness, there was an odd comfort that came along with it. Being heartbroken over Sam had become the most consistent thing in your life, and being thrown so violently into it again, the familiarity made the stay more comfortable.

“If you can’t sleep, you can stay in my room.” She offered, a tired smile on her face. “Do you remember when we used to do that as kids?”

“Of course I do.” You chuckled. How could you forget? When your parents would fight, usually keeping everyone awake at night, she would sneak to your room to stay in bed with you. Usually, Sam was there, too. The three of you would always sleep soundly together in bed, no care about the lack of space or the uncomfortable positions because your company allowed for her to get some rest. When you and Sam would fight, you would find solace in her room because your own was too hard to be in. Back then, she didn’t know why you so often stayed the night in her room, and your tears would not fall until she was long asleep. When she started to get older, she understood better without you ever having to tell her.

“I’ll leave my door open just in case.” She promised, making a move to stand. “I love you.”

“I love you, El.” You gave a weak smile, watching as she disappeared up the stairs. It took you a while to find the courage to follow, but after a few moments, you made your way to your own bedroom. It felt like there was weights around ankles, dragging you down in hopes of delaying your return. Your bedroom was the last place you wanted to be, but you knew that after all you had overcome, you could conquer the last obstacle in your way of removing Sam from your life. Once you convinced yourself that his aura no longer lived inside your bedsheets, you would be better for it.

You closed your door softly behind you, letting out a long sigh to rid yourself of the looming torment of the night. You crawled into bed, checking the time once more to see that it was close to sunrise, now. You looked out at the sky, noticing the darkness slowly turning into purple and pinks. You let your head fall back on the pillow as you stared at the ceiling, noticing the pathetic illumination from the glow in the dark stickers you’d placed on it years ago. You let your eyes close, but your mind did not quiet even in the darkness.

Then, it came like a premonition of imminent disaster.

A weak thud sounded on the glass of your window, echoing through the entire room as if it was a noise so powerful it shook the foundation. But, it was not loud, nor was it anything that was truly attention grabbing. Perhaps the only reason you heard it so clearly was because you were listening for it, hoping it would happen. In truth, you could have ignored it and realized that it was likely due to nothing more than the wind blowing something against the glass, but your brain would not allow you to believe it was a coincidence.

It’s almost funny how the simplicity of a moment can appear so extravagant in our minds.

You slowly stood, cautiously approaching the sill with disbelief written all over you. With hope in your heart, you looked out into the night, first noticing the gentle sway of the tree line in the breeze. Your gaze drifted down towards the ground, eventually settling on an outline of a body. You blinked twice, just to be sure that the figure was still there after you refocused your eyes. You leaned closer to the glass, finding the features on his face break through the darkness with the utmost clarity. You flipped the lock, slowly sliding the window open as your heart swelled with affection. Even if you hated him, you could never seem to be mad when he showed up at your house with love in his eyes and hope in his heart.

“I didn’t know if you would answer, but I had to try.” He confessed, his voice a little raspy and his words ending with a slight slur.

“You’re drunk, Sam.” You whispered, but you couldn’t seem to turn him away.

“I know, I’m hammered.” He said, nodding his head. “Everyone told me I should go home, but I’m drunk, and I miss you, and this is the only home I know. You’re home, Rapunzel, and I’m so stupid for thinking otherwise.”

“Sam,” you sighed, almost wishing he never came. As much as you wanted to invite him inside, you knew it was a terrible idea.

“Please,” he pleaded, taking a step closer. He was so tall he could almost reach the windowsill himself without your help. “I know I don’t deserve anything from you, y/n, but I just want to talk.” You were frozen in place, unsure of how to handle the situation. You wanted to let him in, but you so badly wanted to tell him to leave and never come back. Every option was painful, and every decision was hard. You wished for once it could be easy with Sam, no matter which way it went. You just wanted it to be simple, for one decision not to be laced with regret or remorse. “Let your hair down? For old times sake?” He asked, looking up at you with nothing but love in his eyes.

You watched him, wondering if it was really him standing down there or if it was a figment of your drunken and delusional imagination. After a few seconds, you gave a small nod, popping the screen out of the window. You placed it on the floor and leaned down, holding your hands out for him to grab. He wasted no time responding, allowing you to pull him up just enough to grab the ledge. From there, he navigated the rest of the way himself. You took a step back, allowing him to move without worry of bumping into you. Once he was steady on his feet in front of you, you could see the emotion in his face. His eyes looked bloodshot, puffy just the same as yours were. He was exhausted, clearly going through just as much turmoil as you had that night.

“What are you doing here?” You asked, unsure why you even let him inside in the first place.

“I don’t know,” he said, running a hand through his hair. “I know that you don’t want to see me, and I know why, but I couldn’t… I couldn’t just let you walk away again. I had to try, and even if you tell me to leave and that you never want to see me again, at least I know for sure.”

“Sam, we’re not… We’re not the same people, anymore. You can’t just show up at my window and expect me to let you inside. You can’t just say sorry and expect things to go back to normal.”

“But you did let me in. That counts for something, right?” You couldn’t argue with his logic, because you did allow him inside. As much as you would have liked to blame him for the ridiculous situation you had found yourself in, your own stupidity played a large part in the outcome. “Jake told me this was a terrible idea, and maybe he was right, but I got further than anyone thought I would.”

“Don’t be an idiot, Sam.” You mumbled. “You know I’ll always let you in.” You look to the floor, almost ashamed at the confession.

“And I appreciate that, even if I know I don’t deserve it.”

“You don’t,” you agreed “but you made the effort, so I have to give you that, at least.”

“I’m sorry, princess. For everything.”

“We’re long past that, honey.” You chuckled, taking a seat on the edge of your bed as you pulled a blanket over your shoulders. “Why are you here?” You asked again, waiting for a real answer. So far, you had only grown more confused by his drunken rambling.

“I don’t know, to apologize?” He said, taking a seat in your computer chair. He had enough sense to know that his presence was not welcome on the bed with you. “When you told me we could go for drinks some other time, I knew you didn’t mean it. You planned to ignore every text and call until you went back to university, and then we’d never see each other again. I couldn’t risk that, because these last two years without you have been miserable.”

“You could have apologized two years ago.” You offered, feeling more awake than before. The anger rising in your heart was a great adrenaline boost, and you were ready to face him with all of the hurt you’d been feeling since the last time you saw him.

“I tried, you didn’t want to hear it.” He argued.

“I wonder why.” You rolled your eyes, astonished at his inability to own up to the truth. He was not the victim nor was he a saint; your lack of communication stemmed directly from his inability to grow up and be in a relationship, and he had no right to be upset about it.

“I don’t. I know why, y/n, but it doesn’t mean I liked it. I fucked up that night, and I have been living with that every day since. I’m trying to make it right, but it seems like you don’t want me to.”

“That night?” You asked, raising an eyebrow. “Sure, you put the nail in the coffin, but you fucked up plenty more times than just that night. You’ve been breaking my heart since we were old enough to understand what that meant. Maybe I don’t want to let you back in because I’m fucking terrified you’ll do it again.”

“I know.” He sighed, closing his eyes to regain his confidence. He could not express the guilt he felt for all he put you through, but he was trying his best to explain it. He did not want to argue, and he did not want to portray himself as angry, because he wasn’t. He deserved every harsh word that you were throwing his way. “I can’t take that back even if I wish I could, but I can tell you that I am so sorry I did that to you. You are the most wonderful person in the whole world; you’re my best friend, my soulmate, and I know that you’re the love of my life, even if I’m not yours anymore. I hate that I hurt you, and I hate that I don’t know how to fix it, but I still love you, y/n. My life has been empty, even if I’m travelling the world and doing what I love. At first, I wasn’t sure why, but now I know it’s because you’re not there with me. I miss you so much that it’s hard to think about anything else.” You watched him, curious about his profoundly disturbing confession. It was sweet, but it was not the Sam you knew. All those years ago, he was just a boy who had no idea how to express himself. Words were always difficult, and he never knew how to say I love you without lacing it into a joke.

Maybe, in some violent twist of fate, he really had grown up.

“How long have you been working on that one?” You asked, pulling the blanket tighter against your body.

“Two years.” He replied without hesitation.

“Two years and that’s all you’ve got?” You gave a small laugh, but this one was genuine. You looked up to meet his eye, the snide comment striking him odd until he saw the playful gleam in your face. “I expected more from you.”

“You know I’ve never been good at this stuff.” He found himself smiling, too. “So you’ve been thinking about me, too?”

“Stupid question.” You snipped. “You already know the answer.”

“Yeah, me too. Obviously.” He gave a nervous laugh. “I thought that you forgot about me. When I look at your Instagram, it just seems like you’re a whole different person. I’m happy you got out of here and you look like you’re doing okay. Your new friends seem cool, too, but I miss you and I wish I could be a part of that life, too.”

“You could have, Sam.” You reminded, not wanting to talk too much about the incident in which severed the ties between you. “But you do, too. I listened to some of your music off the new album. It’s fantastic, and I’m happy for you.”

“Thank you.” He whispered, touched that you cared enough to listen to it despite your ill feelings towards him. “You’re almost finished school, now. Where are you going next?”

“I don’t know,” You shrugged, hating the small talk you had fallen into. You knew Sam too well for such simple formalities. “Away from here, but that’s all I really know.”

“You always wanted to get out of here,” he chuckled, recalling the endless conversations about your desire to leave the town behind. “Times finally come.” He couldn’t help but feel a sense of sadness at the idea, knowing that once you packed your bags, you would never come back. There would be no late night sneaking around, no conversations about the future under the stars in your backyard. He was ecstatic for you to move on and start living, but he was also sad for the kids who used to dream about doing it together.

“It’s scary, but I’m ready.”

“You’ve been ready since you learned how to walk.” He corrected. “Do you want to leave me behind, too?” Your heart broke at the sight of the pain in his eyes, knowing that once you were gone, it could be the end of a lifetimes worth of love.

“Come on, Sam. We both know you left first, and a long time ago at that.” You muttered, nervously playing with the hem of the blanket. “Besides, knowing us, we’re bound to run into each other again somewhere. Just the way it works for us.”

“We don’t have to wait to run into each other again.” He said, begging to meet your gaze again. “We ran into each other tonight, and it has to be for a reason.” Your eyes flickered to his face, also in search of the familiarity, yet scared to see the foreignness.

“I think after all this time, we should know the reason is no good.” You tried to stand your ground, even if you wanted nothing more than to invite him in. It was wrong, and it would end so badly that you would never be able to pick up the broken pieces again. Loving Sam was painful, and your brain was begging you to remember that. Even when it was good, it seemed to hurt somewhere.

“I changed, y/n, and I really want to show you that. I still love you the same, but I’ll do it better this time, if you give me the chance.”

“We can’t just pretend that the past didn’t happen.” You shook your head, appalled that he was even suggesting it. “It’s too much Sam, and after everything, we should know that it’s never going to work.”

“I want to make it work, Princess. For you, I’d do anything. I know that I haven’t been the best, but I want to be the best, now. You deserve it, and I’m not saying I deserve another chance, but I would like to prove to you that you are my whole world.”

“I can’t… you can’t just come in here and expect me to forgive you and come crawling back again. It’s too much, and I’m better than that, now. I love you, but I can’t let you hurt me, again.”

“Just come out for dinner with me. Or drinks, or whatever you want. One night, just to hear what I have to say. No strings attached, just fun, like we used to do.” You watched him, unbelieving of his determination despite the pain he had caused. You loved him, that was certain, but after so long of loving someone and only being burned in response, you could not find that hope in your heart that you once had. The whole notion was ridiculous, and the fact that he’d shown up drunk at five in the morning to profess it was even worse. Sam had no ability to speak his truth when he was sober, and you feared that his courage would wear off when the morning came. Even worse than that, you feared that his drunken confession stemmed from the melancholic familiarity of seeing you, and not because he was genuine in his desire to try again.

You loved him, but it was not worth the risk. It hardly ever was, and you should have learned that years ago.

“No,” you shook your head. “I don’t think that is a good idea.”

“Oh.” He breathed, the rejection staggering and cutting him like a knife.

“You should probably go home, Sam. It’s late and we’re drunk. We shouldn’t be doing this.” You said, trying to hide the sadness in your voice.

“Yeah, okay.” He nodded, standing without another word. “C-can I hug you? Just one last time?” You looked up, attempting to ignore the tears that were forming in his tired eyes.

“Yeah, sure.” You agreed, standing, too. You let the blanket fall from your shoulders, practically falling into his arms. Just because you knew he should leave did not mean you didn’t miss his touch. It was home, and you hadn’t felt it in a long time. Perhaps once you felt it again, you could finally come to your senses and realize it was no longer your hiding place, or a safe haven from the harshness of the world. Once his arms were around you and you were enveloped in the warmth and the familiar scent, you knew that you would never love anything more, and that’s exactly why you needed to stay away. You loved Sam so much that it was dangerous, because he did not know how to love you enough. No matter how many chances you gave him, that fact would never change.

Before he pulled away, he placed a kiss on the top of your head. He was aching all over knowing he might be leaving you behind forever, anguished at the fact that it might be the last hug he would ever have from you. “If you ever change your mind, Princess, you have my number.”

“I do.” You nodded, biting back your own tears. “Who knows, maybe someday it’ll be different.”

“I hope so, y/n.” He said, staring out the window and hating the sun that was rising in the sky. The day should never continue as normal when two people were hurting so badly. It seemed like a stab to an already open wound, and there was no sign of ever being able to stitch it back up.

“Bye, Sammy.” You whispered.

“See you later, Princess.” He said, taking one last breath of courage before climbing through the window. You watched as he descended to the ground, his feet firmly planting to the grass before he began his journey home. You waited until he was completely out of view before popping the screen back in place and locking the window shut, keeping out any more visitors and locking in all of your sorrow.

You climbed back into bed, the memory of him still latched onto your mattress and buried in the pillows. You knew that not even time could rid him from the place, because after so many years, it was more his than it was your own. You wiped the tears away from your cheeks, feeling no sympathy for yourself despite the overwhelming ache that settled in your chest. Your hurt was solely because of your own inability to control yourself around Sam; after all, he could not cause any pain if you did not allow him to, and allowing him to hurt you had become your favourite pastime. Opening that window for him was nothing but an excuse to worsen your suffering. The temporary fix for your loneliness was barely enough to take away from the lasting damage his company always seemed cause. Nothing had changed except for the maturity of your faces, and even if you hated to admit it, it never would.

You tossed and turned, begging for a second of sleep, but you were haunted by the interaction that appeared to be completely innocent. Then again, innocence is a thing that neither of you had when it came to each other, and just like your mother used to tell you, nothing good ever happens after 2am. You knew it to be painfully true, but it was even more so when it came to Sam Kiszka. You had opened the door to a whole other world of trouble, and now you couldn’t seem to latch it shut. Even when you managed to drift into sleep, your mind was still plagued with memories of the boy you were begging to forget.

TAGLIST: @itsafullmoon @freefallthoughts @lightsofthe-living-gvf @heckingfrick @sagekiszka

[the-healthy-human-mind]

To Me, From Me

Pairing: F! OC Evelyne “Snake” Gray x Kyle “Gaz” Garrick

CWs: Insecurities, ANGST with a happy ending, disassociation, poor self esteem, hints to abuse, mentions of pregnancy, slight pregnancy complication, Kyle is a sweetie, this is sad because I said so.

At 17, Evelyne never saw herself getting married, let alone having children of her own, but at 27, she cherishes every moment with her girls. She finally had the life she wished for, an amazing husband, her sisters by her side, a daughter, and a second child on the way. She didn’t ask for anything more, so why did she get thrown into this situation? What the fuck did she do to piss off God so bad that He did this to her?

Scarlette’s piercing cry breaks Evelyne out of her thoughts, turning her head to see Kyle comforting their daughter. Claire stands up slowly to go make a bottle for the girl, passing a worried glance at her, and then to the man sitting smugly in her living room. A man she never thought she’d see again, who abandoned her at 17, running off to god knows where. “Nellian, what have you done?”

“I reached out to him first, Ev, I swear! Its not his fault, he wanted to see you- he feels bad for not stopping what dad d-”

“Nellian,” Kyle’s voice broke through the young woman’s rant, “Go upstairs with Claire and Scar,”

“Uncle Ky please just-”

“Now,”

Nellian frowns, but heads for the stairs, Claire following behind her with Scarlette wiggling in her arms. Andrew sits there, calmly, eyes trained on Evelyne’s heavily pregnant stomach. His eyes flick to Kyle when the man comes up to sit next to her, turning his body to slightly block her from her brother’s view.

“Mars,” Andrew calls out, voice slightly raspier than before.

“Lorris,” the nickname rolls off her tongue easily despite her anxiety, as if she hasn’t not said it in 10 years. “You better have a good fucking reason to be here, Andrew. And you’ve got 10 seconds to make me believe your bullshit story.” Andrew scoffs at her husband, rolling his eyes. “Nellie had reached out, said she wanted to meet with me, so I did.” “Now,” Kyle leans his elbows on his knees, blocking Evelyne entirely from Andrew. “I know that’s bullshit, because you didn’t just meet with Nellian, you drove her back to my home, and walked through the fucking door like you paid the mortgage. Try again.”

Andrews leg bounces, a tick she will never forget of his, while glaring at Kyle. A wave of pain crashes through Evelyne’s body like lighting, causing her to inhale sharply. Her quick breath doesn’t go unnoticed, however, as Kyle immediately turns to her, brown eyes full of panic.

“Are you alright, love?”

Evelyn’s goes to nod, not wanting to cause a disturbance, but another wave of pain pulls a groan from her throat. It doesn’t feel like Braxton hicks, no, it feels exactly like when she went into labor with Scarlette. Kyle seems to notice her internal panic, standing up and grabbing Andrew roughly by the collar, dragging him to the front door. “If you ever show your ugly fucking mug here again, I’m putting a bullet between your eyes.” Kyle slams the door, rushing back to Evelyne, who is now surrounded by her three minions, meowing away at their mom.

“C’mon love, we’re going to the hospital.”

“But Scar,”

“Claire and Nel have her, we need to make sure you’re both okay.”

“Well,” the OBGYN takes off her gloves, “I don’t see any reason to panic, it looks like stress caused minor pre-term contractions, but you’re not dilated, so just make sure you’re resting.” She reassured them before smiling and saying her goodbyes.

Evelyne relaxes at that, squeezing Kyle’s hand as he rests his forehead against hers. They stay like that for a moment, before he brings his other hand down to her bare bump, thumb brushing against old scars.

If only 17 year old Evelyne could see her now, belly the size of a beach ball, married, and so in love. The brat would probably laugh her ass off in disbelief.

As Kyle pulls her shirt down for her and helps her sit up, Evelyne wonders if she could have ever lived without him. If she would still be here, or if she would be living life through a lens, only alive for the sake of her sisters. If she would still see color in this world.

This time, a harsh kick to Kyle’s hand on her belly breaks her out of her thoughts. She laughs at his look of offense from being kicked by his unborn daughter.

“Not even born yet and the little shit is already causing trouble, huh?”

[hannahhook7744]

Mother Knows Best (For Real This Time!);

Summary: What if Mother Gothel was a decent mother?

Trigger warnings: violence, swearing, insecurities, and unsanitary eating habits.

Let me know if I should add to it.

Part of My 'Even Villains Love Their Kids' Series.

Previous Parts: Frollo, Cruella, Gaston, and Gideon & Honest John.

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"Ginny! Don't eat random mushrooms you find growing off the wall! You'll get sick!" Gothel scolded, hand on her hip.

Feeling exasperated as her four year old daughter spun around and hid one of the wall mushrooms behind her back. Staring at her with startled, big gray eyes (eyes that were so much like her Cassandra’s—). 

"H-hi mama!"

Gothel raised an eyebrow and stuck her hand out, waiting.

Ginny huffed but handed it over. 

Gothel patted her on the head "Good girl. Now go play. Dinner will be ready in an hour.”

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Mason threw his rattle at Glenn’s head, causing the other baby to start crying. 

Gothel sighed, going over to make sure no serious was done—which, thankfully, seemed to be the case. His forehead would probably be bruised for a while, but as long as he didn't start acting strange then he'd likely heal quickly. 

The witch kissed the baby's forehead and once he was soothed, she turned to his twin. Giving him her best ‘I’m very unimpressed with you’ look, as she rested a hand on her aging hip. “Now why did you do that?”

Mason, of course, couldn't answer with anything more than a babble since neither boy had started talking yet. 

“What am I gonna do with you two?”

The blonde (who was so much like her flower) blew a raspberry at her in response.

Gothel groaned. “Hopefully that attitude of yours will dissipate as you get older.”

(It did not. But she loved both her boys anyway).

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Magnolia Marguerite or ‘Gigi’ as Ginny and the twins liked to call her (though where she’d gotten that nickname from in her sister’s name, Gothel didn’t know) was the quietest and smallest baby out of her siblings. Including Cassandra and Rapunzel.

If asked, Gothel would have insisted that her daughter was no bigger than the size of a kitten and that she was quieter than a mouse—rarely ever making a peep about anything. It wouldn’t even have been that much of an exaggeration considering how close to the truth it was. 

Gigi, as it turned out, was also an extremely easy to please baby. Almost always being calmed by her mere presence alone (which was not creepy at all, despite what the other parents said—who were probably just jealous that their babies weren’t as well behaved and easy to please as her daughter was) and when that didn’t calm her, rubbing her head (that was starting to sprout black strands of hair) usually did. 

It was lovely.

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"Ginny!" 

Ginny jumped away from her mother's skincare products, looking at her guiltily. 

"Yes mama…?"

"What are you doing in here? You know you're not allowed in my room without me in here." Gothel scolded, removing her apron and hanging it on a hook on the wall. 

"Well, uh… I was looking for you cause I wanted to show you something and then I saw your products and… I just wanted to try some on so I could be like you." 

Gothel sighed, shaking her head. "Ginny, darling. You're eight. You don't need my products. Your skin is just fine and you're beautiful just the way you are, no matter what anyone else says. You hear me?"

Ginny perked up "yes mama."

"Good. Now go get whatever it is that you wanted to show me."

------------------------------------------------------------

The twins' hair darkened from blonde to light brown when they were four—which they both eagerly pointed out to her, seeing it as a sign of the magic they had never gotten to experience first hand. 

It was adorable (even if it did make her heart ache for the heritage her children were being robbed of because of her actions).

------------------------------------------------------------

Gigi, even at only three years old, loved appearing on her mother’s show—Skin Deep with Mother Gothel. 

She adored handing her mother her makeup and skincare products, and listing off the various facts she knew about them to both Gothel and the audience’s amusement. 

Gigi also loved it when Gothel taught her how to do different hairstyles on the dolls she’d made for her and  always told her mother that she wanted to be just like her when she grew up.

(Mother Gothel couldn’t help but secretly hope that all four of the children she’d had on the isle would turn out more like their older sisters who the witch knew now she had never deserved in the first place).

------------------------------------------------------------

"Are you SURE he's the one you want? You could have anyone you want" Gothel asked exasperated, eyeing her daughter's boyfriend—Clay Clayton—as he roughhoused with another boy nearby. 

She scrunched up her nose in distaste as the boy's nose broke—causing him to laugh instead of cry in pain as she expected.

She probably should have intervened but Gothel excused not doing so by rationalizing that he wasn't one of her kids and thus wasn't her problem. 

"Absolutely" her 18 year old replied without hesitation. 

Gothel sighed "Alright, alright. Go… invite your.. boyfriend to dinner."

Ginny beamed and gave her a quick hug "thank you mother!"

Honestly, the things she did for the love of her children were ridiculous. 

Oh well, it's not like she had anything better to do while stuck here on the isle. 

------------------------------------------------------------

“Pirates? Really Darling?” 

Gothel was really starting to wonder if this was some kind of twisted karma for all she’d done that got her sent to the isle. 

Because really, Ginny joining her half sister, Harriet Hook’s crew, hadn’t been enough for the universe? It really had to go and make not just one, but both of her twin sons— her fourteen year old twin sons, at that —attached enough to Ursula’s daughter for some unfathomable reason  that they decided joining a pirate crew would be fun?

“Yep.” Mason replied immediately, popping the ‘p’. Greenish-blue eyes twinkling with unfiltered amusement; not even bothering to finge shame or embarrassment as he stroked what was starting to become a beard. 

Glenn, on the other hand, just pouted at her (still baby faced and beardless, unlike his brother). Attempting the puppy dog eyes he’d likely seen one of his friends give another but looking constipated instead.

The graying witch sighed. “Very well. Just don’t do anything stupid.”

(A year and a kidnapped Auradonian King later, she would very much regret her decision not to fight her boys on the matter).

------------------------------------------------------------

“And why are you doing hair at Curl up & Dye again?” Gothel asked, leaning back in her favorite armchair. Massaging her temples as she debated the pros and cons of going to one of the many bars on the isle and drinking until she was unable to comprehend just what she had heard.

“Because Amara's friend, Cailee, doesn’t have the time to go on a date?” Her precious, preciously sweet and naive fourteen year old daughter replied hesitantly. Pushing her slipping glasses back up the bridge of  her nose.

If that Beckett girl was manipulating her  baby, Gothel was going to kill her consequences be damned—

(Thankfully, that didn’t turn out to be necessary). 

[bolliancat]

Look at me here again. I'm sure I'll write all my imagination out and I'll stay months without writing. I'll not throw that in the trash, though.

... How I love when the man is a mess because of a woman.

Enjoy it.

—————————————♡—————————————

Cardinal Copia x f!Reader (you can imagine a male reader as well, just change the outfit)

W: very shy and insecure Copia, but I swear he is loved.

—————————————♡—————————————

I'm the one going to have a heart attack here

Heart Attack

Well, he had never kissed someone. And he wasn't young anymore. Not that it mattered. Who would want to kiss him?

But he wanted to kiss someone. He wanted to kiss you. But you'd never want to kiss him. He was sure of it. And that makes him feel sad.

He had the biggest crush on you since he first saw you. He never felt that way before. But he knew that perhaps you already had a crush; one of the Brothers that was always around you. Or one of the Sister, what he thought that was worst. Not that he had any chance with you, but if you liked girls...

Well, he would never have a chance. Even in dreams. He wished to know you better, to have the courage to ask you out. But he had never... Anyone of the persons he asked out liked him. He was sure you would be one of them.

But his heart was stubborn. It wanted to ask you out. Even if his mind kept screaming that he would make a fool of himself. You would say no.

And oh, how wrong he was. He never felt so proud of being wrong before you said yes.

You said you wanted to go out with him. You wanted to know him better. And he never felt so lucky.

But he was nervous, afraid, anxious, and he even thought about saying that he was feeling bad and would not be able to see you.

No, this he wouldn't do. He would lose his probably only chance of love. Of feeling that he belongs and is loved by someone. He wouldn't dare to throw this chance in the trash. He was going to try. Even if he hears a no from your lips, he will be better if he tries.

And he was trying. He was trying to choose the best suit. Something to impress you. But, even with his wardrobe full of nice clothes, he couldn't find the perfect one.

He sat down on his bed, once again thinking about an excuse.

Sighing, he got up with a determined look. He was going to pick his white suit — the tightest one — with a black and white fedora. If you deny him, at least he would look presentable while he cried.

Good. Almost everything ready and he was one hour early.

Now, he would stay in front of the mirror and try to convince himself that he was, at least, presentable.

You wouldn't care, would you? If he wasn't like the Brothers who were always with you. Your friends. He was sure that, at least, half of them have a crush on you.

Of course you wouldn't. You accepted his invite. You were going on a date with him. The first date that he got by talking directly with the person. At least, he wouldn't see a disappointed look in your face when you see him.

And, when he blinked, it was already time to go to the restaurant. And he was nervous. Anxious. Terrified.

He was shaking so bad while he was putting on his gloves, and he again almost thought about an excuse. But, then, he made his way to the restaurant, and there was no turning back when he saw you arriving there as well. You wanted to give him a heart attack!?

You were absolutely perfect! Breathtaking, stunning, beautiful... He almost thought you were going to meet another person. No way you got so pretty to see him.

And then, you smiled at him. And he felt he would faint right there. You, with that black dress and high heels, a soft makeup on your face and your hair absolutely perfect. He had never seen your hair before. You were always wearing your habit, and Satan below, your hair was gorgeous. You were gorgeous.

"Hello, Cardinal!" You said, taking him off of his mind. He blushed, struggling to meet your gaze.

"H-hello, Sorella," he said, still lost in your beauty. "Satan, you're... perfect." He whispered, seeming to say it more to him.

"Thank you," you said, smiling at him. And he couldn't help but blush even more with that smile of yours. His gaze was fixed on your lips, on your smile. He couldn't believe you were smiling at him. "You are also breathtaking."

His breath hitched. Breathtaking? Him? He felt like he could jump from a precipice. He had the energy to run all the country. And he would do it laughing and smiling while he remembered about your words.

"T-thank you, Sorella." He never got so happy to wear that suit. He would surely put that in a mural on his room. It would be his sanctuary.

Then, you stepped forward, placing a hand on his cheek as you smiled. He blushed, looking from your eyes to your lips and to your eyes again.

"May I ask you a question, Cardinal?" You asked.

"P-please, call me Copia." He said, nodding.

"Okay, Copia. Can I kiss you?"

He froze. What did you just asked? He was too old, his ears probably weren't working right. "W-what?" He whispered, wide, puppy eyes looking at you.

"I asked if I can kiss you." You repeated patiently, smiling sweetly at him.

He was right. You wanted to give him a heart attack. Your sweet, beautiful voice with your sweet, beautiful smile asking if you could kiss him. He could die here. And he would die happy.

"Y-yes," he murmured, looking at your lips. "Y-you can."

You nodded, smiling again before leaning in and pressing your delicate lips against his. Oh, how he wanted that. You don't know how much he dreamed about that. About how your lips would feel against his.

He closed his eyes, his heart shooting fireworks. He didn't dared to move a muscle, afraid that you could run away from him if he did.

But you moved. You placed your hands on his hair, gently entwining your fingers on his soft, graying hair. And he slowly used all his courage to put his hands on your waist, holding you carefully, like you would break if he held you tighter.

And he froze again when he felt your careful tongue against his lips, his breath catching on his throat. Before he could think, he slowly parted his lips, inviting your sweet tongue to meet his.

And he shivered as your tongue entwined with his, a sensual dance between them. He never felt so lucky.

Then, when you both started to need air, you broke the kiss. He slowly opened his eyes, looking at your swollen lips. And oh, you licked the mixed saliva from them. And he blushed even more, if it was possible.

"May I ask you another question?" He nodded, eyes still on your lips. "Was it your first kiss?"

He froze again, feeling embarrassed as he looked at the ground. Of course you knew, and you will make fun of him now.

"Y-yes..." he whispered, not daring to look up at you.

"I was your first?" You asked again, smiling softly at him. He couldn't help but glance at you as he heard your smiling voice.

He nodded, now looking at you with a shy face. And you smiled even more. Oh, you smiled even more knowing that you were his first kiss?

"Good. I want to be the only one to kiss you, then." You said, leaning in to capture his lips in another kiss.

He couldn't be happier. You wanted to be the only one to kiss him. That means that you want him to be yours and you to be his, right? He believes so.

When you broke the kiss again, you smiled at him. "Can I be the first? The first to kiss you, to date you?" He couldn't believe his luck.

"I would be more than happy for you to be the first. My first everything." And you smiled. He was going to have a heart attack in that night. And you didn't even entered the restaurant yet. But he was happy to know that you were going to give him that heart attack.

—————————————♡—————————————

Well, what can I say? I love a shy man. Better: I love Copia, our shy man.

Hope you liked it ♡

[slayingqueenchal]

Hiiii, will you write a part two of Stay away from

me, y/n? Pretty pleaseeeee

your Wish, my command

Stay away from me, y/n (2) | Regulus black x reader

PART 1 | PART 2

Like the first one y/n is james's little sister, and an insecure reg black :( , a bit slow, and it's about y/n being reminded about him, (happy ending), fluff and angst

Y/N/N : your nickname

You left him standing, going to your friends. You had go act like everything was fine. "Hi" You said, coming to the Gryffindor table.

"Hey! " James said. "Hey" You replied back. You sat besides James. "Everything alright? " Asked Remus. Remus, Remus was the most un-oblivius boy in the whole marauder. But you knew you had to reply with "yeah, I'm fine," And 'smiled'.

"Good were coming to the zonko's, you want anything? Or do you wanna come" Asked sirius. "No, I'm good" You said. "Uhm, I need to go to my dorm, uhm goodni, I mean, good morning! " You said going to the Slytherins common room.

You felt a wave of emotions coming through. You couldn't sob in the middle of the great Hall can you, anyone who does that is mental.

While going to the common room, you saw him with Pandora. She was a good friend, but you couldn't help but be jealous.

But it wasn't your place to be jealous was it? He did say 'I love you' but it's nonsense. The only person in the black family that'll like you is sirius, and he's your other brother basically.

Ofcourse you went to your room, and cried. Its as if you broke up with someone, but you Were not dating. It hurts more than that.

You curled up your covers and just try not to think about anything but thats when it hit you. You know he loves you, or so he said, and, you Love him. Why dont you just solve this? But it isnt that easy isnt it.

Having to go to his not-so-good-friend isnt a very good idea, but its theres no choice. Not now, you're not going to talk now.

"Geez y/n, are you alright? " Pandora asked, carrying a bixt. "What the-How did you? What? " You took off your covers.

"I asked some first year to open it for me, 'said I was meeting a friend" Pandora then said "well, Regulus wanted to give you something".

"No he doesn't" You sighed. "He does, here" The ravenclaw gave you the neatly tied dark green box.

You opened it, and the first thing you saw was a purple pygmy puff. And berties botts beans. And a letter. You opened it.

'Dear y/n,

I'm sorry that I, said such things and have been ignoring you. I haven't seen you anywhere. And I think James know, heck, the whole marauders know. They've been giving me.. Some stares. And I knew from that you've told them. I'm sorry.

I just want you to know that I was not avoiding you because of you. It was because of me. I have feelings for you, I like you. It's not like how sirius likes you. It's different.

I love laughing with you, in a different way from Peter. I love studying with you, in a different way from Remus. I love you in a different way from James. Everything about you is perfect too.

And if you want to talk, I'll be in the courtyard, meet me and 5

Love, R.A.B'

"Oh Reggie, wait, isn't it still 12? " You asked. "No, y/n, It's almost 5! " Pandora rushed you outside, carrying your pygmy puff.

You walked to the courtyard, and there he was. Sitting. "Reg? " You said. "Y/n, you came? " He said.

"Of course, I did, reg" You said. "Look, I'm sorry about everything I said and done, I swear none of it means anything" He said.

You stomach dropped. "It doesn't mean anything?, the I love you part was nothing? " You asked.

"Depends on how you want me to feel," Regulus looked at you. "Reg.. I love you, and my best hope is that you do too" You smiled, weakly.

"Y/n I love you" Said Regulus. "But what about your family? " You asked. "I'm going to do it like Sirius, I guess.. I'll be bad, get kicked out, and we can be together" He said. Bittersweet, mostly bitter.

"Reg, no, you can't leave your family" You backed out from him. "No, y/n, they're not my family, you are" Regulus said

And you probably know who stayed for the whole summer in you and James's house.

"Brother, I have 100% forgiven you for your doings" Said Sirius while hugging regulus. That moment is where Regulus's life became better.

[liminalmemories21]

Weekend WIP Game

tagged by @jesuisici33

Rules: List your WIPs below (if you only write one fic at a time, feel free to include future WIPs/ideas!) then answer the following questions. Then, tag as many people as you have WIPs (or more)

1. WIP List:

kid fic

untitled 5+1 thing of conversations TK had with Carlos's sisters (maybe?) - there's like half of one written, so it's sort of an unknown quantity

Knave 4 eventually

Secret is a strange thing for Paul and Nancy

2. Which of your WIPs is currently the longest?

kid fic I think - somewhere around 5,000 words

3. Which WIP do you expect will end up the longest?

Knave 4. I don't even have to have started writing it to know that.

4. Which WIP is your favourite to write/the most enjoyable to write? Why?

I mean, I'm not really writing any of them at the moment because I'm still coming down from Knave 3, and I'm at the stage where everything I write feels like I'm repeating something I've already said somewhere else before.

5. Which WIP do you find the most intimidating to write? Why?

Kid fic, because I have no idea where it's going

6. Which WIP do you experience the most self-doubt about. Why?

At the moment, all of them, because literally everything I have put on paper this week feels like I've written it before in another fic.

7. Which of your WIPs will you seek out a beta/sensitivity reader for? Why?

Maybe the 5+1, just because I don't have siblings and I want to get that dynamic right

8. Have any of your WIPs been struck by the curse of writer's block?

umm, all of them? Okay, maybe not Knave 4, but that's only because it exists basically only as a vague notion at the moment.

9. Which WIP has your favourite OC? Tell us about them?

Knave-verse, hands down. I think the OCs have taken over the show between Massey, and Tulson, and Amy, and the various cousins I've invented for Carlos.

10. Which WIP is the sexiest?

[eyes list] I'm gonna guess Knave 4 will be, just because there's probably not going to be a lot of sex in conversations TK has with Carlos's sisters, or in a 5+1 about being insecure about parenthood (okay, I suppose there could be sex in that one, but there probably won't be)

11. Which WIP is the angstiest?

Not Knave 4. I swear I am sending those boys on a caper. They have had enough angst.

12. Which WIP has the best characterisation (in your humble opinion)?

I mean, none of them really exist yet . . . so?

13. Which WIP has the best scene setting (in your humble opinion)?

this is probably one of my weak spots as a writer. so i'm not sure tbh

14. Which WIP have you worked the hardest on?

I think I've definitely been trying to write kid fic for the longest time

15. Which WIP do you have the highest expectations for? Why?

Probably anything Knave-verse related, because they have become a whole universe now

16. Do you dream about any of your WIPs?

Not really. I do frequently go to bed, and then instantly have like whole paragraphs that unspool in my head and I have to roll over and type messy notes into my phone so I don't forget them.

17. Do any of your WIPs have particular complexities that your other fics don't?

Again, anything knave-verse related because it requires figuring out something semi-plausible for a heist. Although, also - not that I"m writing one right now because we're all on indefinite hiatus - but the seasons interstitials always involve so much trying to figure out time line shenanigans, and looking up things to do in Austin

18. Which WIP is the funniest or has the most humour?

Probably anything knave-verse related, although I try and incorporate humor into everything

19. Do any of your WIPs contain outside POVs or a deep dive on a character other than the main ship? How are you finding that process?

5+1 of TK talking to Carlos's sisters is definitely going to be told either all from Luisa's POV, or alternating Luisa and Ana.

20. Tell us one thing we don't know about one or more of your WIPs

Knave 4 - so okay, there was a news story that went around a while ago (not that long ago?) about a curator who was replacing paintings in museum inventory with forgeries (not even good forgeries! which let's be honest is the part that going to offend TK the most). And, one, I really want Carlos to have to go undercover as a curator to catch this guy. But, also, more importantly, two, when Carlos figures out that to pull it off he basically needs to think WWTKD (What Would TK Do) and loosens up and fakes at being TK, TK has a deep oh shit moment of what have I unleased on the world, and also that is so hot we need to go home right now, no like right right now or I'm going to do unspeakable things to you in public.

tagging @iboatedhere, @freneticfloetry, @ravens-words, and @carlos-in-glasses

[kleenexwoman]

If Bucky Was Captain America Instead

Tony: Everything special about you came out of a bottle.

Bucky: Yeah, well, everything special about your dad went *into* a bottle.

Tony: that's not funny, my dad's alcoholism contributed to my traumatic childhood

Bucky: okay, I'm from the 40's, we either joked about this stuff like it was normal or never talked about it at all

Tony: oh no me too, I have never gone to a therapist that wasn't court-ordered. Anyway, my dad never showed me any affection or support and constantly made me feel inadequate in every possible way. And you were the ideal he constantly compared me to, so you can probably understand why I lashed out at you at first. That was entirely due to my own insecurities, and I'm sorry.

Bucky: I mean, I know, I read your profile.

Tony: Really? Natasha said she thought I was a narcissist.

Natasha: No, your dad was a narcissist. You've learned a lot of behavioral patterns from him, but also from reacting to him -- like hypervigiliance, a tendency toward all-or-nothing thinking when you're stressed, and intense outwards self-destructive acts in order to either seek or divert attention. I mostly just wanted to shock you into action. I honestly didn't think you'd internalize that.

Pepper: I was kind of counting on it, actually. My veneer of personal superiority over you really depends on you thinking that you can't possibly handle your own affairs without me. Your sense of irresponsibility is probably due to an undiagnosed executive function cluster disorder, with the guilt exacerbated by your parents and everyone around you assuming that you were being selfish or not living up to your potential, but nobody ever bothered to teach you any real coping strategies until Rhodey literally came along in college and helped you learn how to study.

Rhodey: I did that, yes. I feel at least partially responsible for your success in life because of that. Am I saying you owe me one, like how your continued contract with the United States military has helped my career with me as your liaison? I'm not NOT saying that.

Thor: wow, you humans are being very honest. Are you always like this? It's really inspiring, but somehow you all remind me of Loki when he's roasting someone. Even though you're all being very polite now.

Loki: THOR! I FIGURED OUT HOW TO WORK THIS STAFF! WE CAN DEFEAT THANOS AND GO HOME!

Bruce: wait, I want a breakthrough.

Clint: Oh yeah, man, try EMDR and beta-blockers. Worked wonders for my PTSD from all of the many, many traumatic things I've been through. I'm managing my clinical depression, and I have a farm with a wife and kids.

Natasha: I'm in the local Big Brothers Big Sisters program and thinking about fostering. There's more than one way to nurture young people. And this way, I can create an entire army of knife-wielding vigilantes who are loyal to me.

Bruce: so you two are already, y'know... Self-actualized?

Natasha: I mean, it's a process, but I'm feeling pretty good about where I am in it.

Clint: I can refer you, if you want. Dr. Emma Frost. She doesn't take co-pays or insurance, she just finds the person who she decides is responsible for the issues you talked about that session and telepathically persuades them to pay the bill.

Clint: Fury is going pretty broke from the whole thing.

Fury: I am not. That's my fun money for Mistress Diamond Bedazzla. She makes me put on a governess outfit and read her bedtime stories with swears in them.

Clint: yeah, she has fun with it.