#I literally wrote she/her in front of my board and he still did it

[drmajalis]

Brb going to wotc to get this card printed and included in every pre-con

Let's just say I had a bad experience at mtg today.

[roseband]

my husband is probably petitioning for guardianship for the next year until she's 18, so i guess it's a good thing we're bidding on two bedroom apartments right now -_-

[athenamikaelson]

Klaus Mikaelson X Soulmate!Reader x Elijah Mikaelson Written in the Stars-Ch. 27

Word Count- 5.6k

Warnings- SMUT- SHITTY SMUT MIND YOU I’VE NEVER WRITTEN IT BEFORE SUE ME, ****Bloodplay kind of??????****Mentions of burns, mentions of burning bridges, swearing, making out, nudity, sexual thingies, !!!!!!ELIJAH!!!!!! 

A/N- Ya I’m going to hell. This is so bad. I might delete. We all know Elijah gives off Daddy vibes so I want none of you hoes messaging me and telling me his actions are out of character in this chapter. Got it? GOT IT!? 

A/N- for those who don't want to read the smut I wrote where it begins and ends!

Elijah’s pissed. 

He’s like really pissed. 

I’m screwed.

-10 Minutes Earlier-

“You burnt down a bridge?”

“Why didn’t you invite me?”

“I was going to do that.”

I blow out a breath as I glance from Finn, Kol, and then Rebekah. 

“Um, not me,” I gesture to Sage, “We.”

Sage deadpans a look at me and I give her a shrug. 

“Why did you burn down a bridge, Y/n?” 

I turn back towards Finn who seems bewildered.

“We,” I gesture to Sage again, who rolls her eyes, “Burned down the bridge and the bridge’s sign because Sage found out that the wood that created both was made from White Oak…you know…the same White Oak that could kill the lot of y’all.”

“Pardon?”

I turn to Kol who is looking at me skeptically.

“The last of the white oak was burnt down over a millennium ago. We made sure of that.” 

“Brother, it’s true,” Bekah says, “I was going to burn down that bloody bridge myself tonight.”

“How is this possible? How do you know this Rebekah?! And why did you keep it to yourself!?” 

Klaus yells at his sister after being silent for the first time in his life. Elijah on the other hand, who is leaning against the staircase behind him, hasn’t made a peep.  

I eye Rebekah warily and side-eye Sage who side-eyes me.

“The Salvatores!”

I quickly yelp out trying to help Rebekah from having to admit that she had a threesome with both Sage and Demon.

“Yep. I was snooping as I usually do and overheard Damon asking the Mayor about some records about the town's bridge and such. And then Sage here did some digging, the same digging I’m sure Bekah did,” I nod to Bekah who is nodding along with me, “and then that’s when Sage found out from Damon and some records he has at the boarding house that the bridge is made from White Oak.”

I finish my dialogue off with an almost convincing smile and look at the vampires around me. Rebekah gives me a soft smile and nods, agreeing with me, Kol still looks skeptical, as does his Hybrid brother, Finn looks confused, per usual, and Elijah…hasn’t looked away from the wall in front of him in the past 5 minutes. 

Everyone is silent.

“This is the part where you guys say thank you,” I give them an awkward toothy smile.

“Thank you,” Kol yells sarcastically, “Thank you for what?! For one, you burnt down an entire bridge on the ramblings of a vampire that wants to kill our family, and if that’s not bad then you went and burned down an entire bridge…without me. Who do you think you are?”

“Watch it,” Klaus snarls at his younger brother. 

“Who am I?!”

I begin to march over to Kol with my finger pointed and Klaus walks in front of me, stopping me.

“Easy, Astin Min,” Klaus tries to calm me down but I shove past him.

“Who am I? One, I’m the one who just burnt down the thing that would kill you and your entire family. Two, I’m also the one who some weird ass fate thing decided that I’m supposed to carry the souls of your brothers?! AND to remind you all if those two,” I point towards Klaus and Elijah, “were to die, so do I! So if you’re having a fit about me burning down a bridge, literally shut the fuck up because it’s self preservation.”

I rub a hand over my face in exhaustion.

“Y/n, are you alright?”

I take my hand off my face and look at Finn, who is frowning at me, “I’m all good, Finney. Just past my bedtime and incredibly exhausted and not in the mood for that,” I point a finger at Kol, “Right now.”

“What the hell did I do?”

I roll my eyes at Kol’s comment. 

Klaus sniffing the air catches my attention, “Yes, I know. I’ve got to take a shower to get this gas smell off of me.”

Klaus takes a quick stride over to me and grabs my shoulders and his eyes frantically look over my figure, “You’re hurt. Where?”

I try to shrug his death grip but he just holds me in place, “I just got a little burnt from a stray flame. Nothing bad.”

Klaus’ eyes darken, “Where Y/n?”

I shrug off my loose sweatshirt and show him the not so small burn that runs across my upper forearm. 

“Ok, yikes,” I breathe through my nose as I process how it kind of actually stings like a bitch, “Not so little.”

Klaus releases a growl and he quickly goes to bite his wrist but I stop him, grabbing his hand. 

“Nope. Every little booboo I get doesn’t need your blood.”

Klaus narrows his dark eyes at me.

“Y/n, to be honest with you, the little “booboos” you always have aren’t as little as you think they are,” Rebekah comments with a judging look.

“You’re being delusional,” I scoff. 

“Were you not shot?”

I gasp at Finn’s words.

“Phineas, I told you that as a secret.”

Finn frowns and mumbles an apology. 

“Secret? You quite literally told me that 30 minutes ago,” Sage raises an eyebrow at me.

“Yes and?”

“We met 40 minutes ago.”

I suck on my teeth. Oh. 

“Wait, you got shot?”

I side-eye Kol, “No.”

I hear Kol mutter something but I don’t pay attention as I watch Elijah shake his head and walk back up the staircase, his left hand gripping the bannister as he goes. 

“All of you leave,” Klaus’ voice booms, and I nod and begin walking towards the door.

“Bloody hell, luv. Not you,” I feel him grab my hand and pull me back towards him. 

I hear Kol mutter something again before leaving the room, Sage and Finn both look at me and Sage sends me a small smile before looking back up to Finn with stars in her eyes. Finn stops for a moment before me and raises his hand. He pauses it midair, as if he’s not quite sure of his movements, but then he places his hand on my shoulder and squeezes.

“Thank you, Y/n. You’ve given me something I’ll never be able to thank you enough for…but I will try to repay you for this.”

I smile at Finn, “All in a day's work, Phineas. No need to thank me.”

Finn lifts his hand and spares his brother a fleeting glance before leaving the room with Sage in tow. 

“Bloody hell, everyone in this family is so dramatic,” I look over Klaus’ shoulder to where Rebekah is leaving the room. 

“Good night Rebekah,” I call and she waves her hand.

“I should probably go check on Elijah,” I say to Klaus, and begin to move past him, but as I graze his shoulder, a gasp escapes my lips as I’m whipped back around and Klaus’ lips are pressed onto mine. 

It takes me a moment before I process what’s happening, but after a second I’m drowning in Klaus’ lips. I reach my hand up and run my fingers through Klaus’ dark blonde hair and suck in a breath as I feel Klaus’ toungue fight its way into my mouth. I don’t put up a fight and open my mouth slightly more to grant him leeway. He uses this opportunity to sink his tongue into my mouth and massage my tongue with his. I feel Klaus’ hand lower from my upper back down towards my ass and it doesn’t take him but another second to use his big hand to squeeze it, making me gasp.

“Fuck,” Klaus takes his toungue from my mouth and uses his teeth to pull on my lower lip.

“You’re perfect.”

I feel the tips of my ears warm at his comment and I use all my strength to shove him slightly back.

“You’re distracting.”

Klaus’s blue eyes are no longer dark, instead they have a small shine in them that makes them look similar to a small pond in springtime. 

Klaus leans down to meet my eye level, “You seem to like how distracting I am.”

I fight back a smirk, “Shut up, Mutt.”

Klaus smiles at me. Not his usual smirk, or his annoying ass snarl, but an actual smile. 

“You should do that more,” I point to his face and his eyebrows furrow.

“Do what?”

“Smile.”

Klaus smirks, “I do smile a lot.”

I shake my head, “Nah, you smirk a lot. Like you’re doing right now. I mean an actual smile. You have a pretty one.”

My comment seems to have taken Klaus aback and he clears his throat, “I am not pretty.”

I smirk at him, “Oh yes you are. You’re so pretty.”

I don’t give him the chance to rebut my statement as I lean forward and place a quick kiss to his warm cheek. 

I quickly move past him and head towards the stairs where Elijah went. 

“Thank you,” Klaus’ voice comes from behind me. 

“For calling you pretty? Anytime,” I turn over my shoulder and wink at him and he rolls his eyes.

“No. Not for that. For burning the white oak and protecting myself and my family.”

I shrug, “All in a day's work.”

—

I release a shaky breath as I knock on Elijah’s door. I hum to myself as I wait for a response and it takes another moment before I hear a low, “Come in.”

I grab the nob and gently open the door. I’m not quite sure why I’m being so cautious. I’m not scared of Elijah by any means but I just have an uneasy feeling in my stomach. It’s been there since I saw him make his way up the stairs earlier. 

I open the door and step in. I glance around the dimly lit room, and a smell of leather, bourbon and something earthy fills my nose. 

“Elijah?”

“What, Y/n?”

I whip my head to see Elijah exiting from an adjoining room. His suit jacket is off and his white button up is rolled up at the elbows. I watch as he walks behind a dark wooden desk and sits down in a maroon leather chair. He grabs a glass bottle of some dark liquor and pours it into a glass. 

I continue to watch silently as he downs the glass in one go and then begins to pour himself another. 

“Are you alright?”

Elijah holds the glass in his hand as he leans back in his chair. For the first time tonight he finally meets my eye.

“Why wouldn’t I be?”

His normally calm gaze his gone and replaced by a look I’ve never seen on him before. It unsettles me. I’m not sure if in a good way or bad.

“You left quite quickly,’’ I say softly. 

Elijah is silent for a moment, giving me more time to glance around his room. Dark wooden bookshelves line the walls from corner to corner, filled with hundreds of books that appear to be of all ages. A grand stone fireplace is at the forefront of the room, and a small couch is planted in front of it, and a king-size bed with dark blue bedding is to my left. All of it is so him. So, Elijah.

“Hmm.”

Elijah’s hum almost sounds sarcastic, which makes me raise an eyebrow at him. 

“What?”

Elijah looks back towards his drink and mixes it, “How's your burn?”

I eye the red burnt skin on my arm and then slit my eyes at Elijah.

“It’s fine. Why do you ask?” 

My answer seems to have amused Elijah because he huffs out a laugh and then downs the rest of his drink. 

He puts the glass back down so hard I’m surprised it didn’t shatter.

“Why do I ask? Why did I ask?!” 

Elijah runs a hand over his face and then undoes the top two buttons of his shirt. He stands up from his chair and places his hands atop his desk and stares at me. His dark brown eyes are black in this light and I notice the frantic ticking in his jaw. 

Oh.

He’s pissed. 

“Elijah…did I do something to make you mad?”

I take a small step into the room and Elijah’s eyes mark every move I make. With Klaus there were many moments where I felt like the prey and he the predator, but never with Elijah. Not until now. Something about the way his left index finger keeps tapping his desk, his clenched jaw, and his dark eyes make me feel like he could pounce at any moment and I wouldn’t be able to do anything. 

“Did you?”

Again his reply comes out almost mocking and if I weren’t dealing with a ticking time bomb right now I’d probably yell at this bitch.

“Elijah, if I did something to make you upset I need to know what that thing is before I can apologize,” I try to reason with him as I take another cautious step forward.

Elijah tilts his head, “And if I said I didn’t want your apologies?”

Ok. Now I’m getting annoyed.

I shrug, “Then I can just leave you to be in your mood and we can talk tomorrow when you want to discuss things like adults.”

Elijah’s lips twitch into a dark smirk, “Like adults? Really? And who exactly here is an adult? You?”

I frown at Elijah’s tone, it’s something cruelly sarcastic and for the first time since meeting Elijah I realize I’ve never seen him this unnerving. And I’ve literally watched him murder people. 

“Why are you being like this?”

Elijah moves his hands off his desk, stands to his full height, and begins to move from behind his desk. I watch with bated breath as he comes around the desk to stand in front of it. He leans back against it, using his arms to hold himself up and places his right leg over his left. If someone were to walk in right now, it would almost appear that he was relaxed or casual, but as soon as they’d notice the gleam in his dark eyes, they knew they’d have been mistaken. 

“Come here,” He says simply. 

I furrow my eyebrows and shake my head, “What? No. You don’t get to just beckon me after being rude.”

“Y/n, come.”

His tone leaves no room for argument so I do what he says. God I’m a little bitch. 

I take a few steps forward and eye the man in front of me, Elijah watches my every move like a hawk.

I stamp my feet into the ground and pretend to bow, “Happy now.”

Elijah narrows his eyes, “Don’t be a brat.”

I choke on my words at the tone he uses to say “Brat.” God Damnit. Wait.

Am I turned on right now?

No. 

No?

Definitely not. 

I think…

“I am not a brat,” I counter.

Elijah raises an eyebrow and then raises his hand and uses his index finger to call me closer.

“No. If you want to be fucking face to face you come over here,” I finally stand my ground. 

Not thinking he would actually listen to me, you could imagine my surprise when he pushes himself off the desk and practically stalks towards me. My mind pretty much goes blank as he comes to stand so close, the tips of our shoes are touching. 

We’re both silent as we stare back at one another. Or more so I slightly glare at him while he accesses me.

“Do you know how irresponsible you were tonight?”

I frown, “Excuse me? What the fuck do you mean irresponsible?”

“I think it would be in your best interest right now if you watched that mouth of yours. I’m already fighting back every thought in my mind to not punish you for the actions you’ve made tonight. Those nasty words coming out of your mouth are not easing any of those thoughts.”

Punish me? Who the fuck is this guy and where is my sweet blushing Elijah?!

“Elijah dude, I think you just need to chill out, alright?”

Elijah’s upper lip twitches and I realize I’ve said the wrong thing.

“Number one, Gemæcca, I am not your dude. So stop referring to me as such, and number two, I will not “chill out” especially after how childish you acted tonight.”

Alright fuck this guy. 

Oh, I’m sure you want to freak. 

Shut up!

“Is this about the fire? Is this why you’re being such a dick right now?”

My language seems to piss Elijah off even more, “I’m being a “dick” right now because my mate seems to have no sense of self preservation or thought.”

I clench my hand over and over again to not start throwing punches with this bitch. 

“What did you just say to me,” I bite out.

“I said I was done with dealing with you, just throwing yourself into stupid and idiotic situations when your life is too fragile. Niklaus may get proud and turned on enough to swallow your tongue in our foyer at the thought of you putting yourself into danger like you did tonight,” Elijah leans down so our faces are a mere few inches apart, “But I assure you, I do not.”

Oh so he heard that. Oops. 

“Well, maybe I let Klaus stick his tongue down my throat because unlike you he doesn’t treat me like a child, Elijah. Ever think of that?”

Elijah narrows his eyes at me, “I do not think of you as a child. But, when you make childish decisions that put you into harm's way-”

“I can make my own decisions, Elijah!”

“Just because you can doesn’t mean you always fucking should!”

Elijah’s booming voice shocks me and makes me step back. 

He must’ve realized he went too far because his face drops slightly, and he rubs his hand over his face again. 

“Elskan I-”

“No, Elijah, don’t apologize. I should be the one apologizing to you, how sorry I am that you had to end up with such a childish annoyance as a mate. Sad and poor Elijah,” I fake a frown and then go back to glaring at the man. 

Elijah’s face darkens and he closes the gap between us and before I can react his hand is grabbing my lower face, “Your existence has never and will never be an annoyance to me. Do you understand that, Y/n? Never. Do you not realize the decisions you make don’t just affect you but everyone around you? If something were to happen to you, if you were to,” He releases a harsh breath, “If you were to die, do you not understand the pain and ruin you would be leaving behind? What of Theo? What of your friends? What of Klaus or I?”

Elijah uses both of his hands to push my face closer to his, “Y/n, I need you to understand this, if you were to perish…I would not survive it,” Elijah clenches his jaw and shakes his head as if just the thought of me dying is too much for him to bear, “Do you know I’ve already decided what I would do if something were to happen to you? I would make my brother dagger me in my heart and put me out of my bloody misery because leaving in my mind and being cursed by that bloody dagger until the end of time would still be an easier burden to bear than having to wake up every morning knowing that I would never lay eyes on the love of my life ever again.”

I don’t even realize I’m crying until Elijah’s thumb brushes away a stray tear.

“So yes I am mad, Y/n. I am enraged that you do not realize that every fleeting decision you make, every wound you collect,” He grabs my arm and makes me look at my burnt skin, “Isn’t the most horrifying thing to me. When I saw you walk in smelling like smoke, and burnt skin, I couldn’t bear it. I can’t bear it. Never in a thousand years have I felt the type of pain you bring me.”

I stare wide-eyed at Elijah and don’t speak. I don’t speak because I truly, for the first time in my entire life, have no idea what to say.

Elijah must realize this because after a moment of silence, he leans down and places a soft kiss right next to my lips, he leans back slightly and looks at me, and I lean back into him. Elijah leans down again but this time kisses my lips. He leans back after a moment with a clenched jaw. 

“You smell like my brother.”

I reach my hand up and run it along his face, “Then make me smell like you.”

*start of smut*

In a flash my body is moved so my back is pressed to Elijah’s front and his mouth is attached to my throat. I release a low moan as Elijah's teeth graze my neck and I angle my head so he can have better access. He takes this opportunity to run his tongue along my throat and this is when I feel his sharp canines graze my skin.

“You can,” I turn my head to look at him, which was honestly a mistake because the crazed look in his eyes is making me feel things I don’t even think I felt while reading Fifty Shades. 

Elijah shakes his head, “Did I not just talk to you about wounds?”

I shake my head, “You can heal me after, do it Elijah. I want you to.”

Dark veins appear under Elijah’s eyes and I reach out to run my finger over them, making Elijah release a low groan. Elijah pulls me in by my hair and smashes his lips to mine. A fast movement later and Elijah has his hands on my ass and my legs are wrapped around his neck as he carries me to his desk. 

His mouth is still on mine as he swipes a hand over his desk and everything on it goes flying off. I hear glass breaking, which turns my attention, and I go to say something, but Elijah sucking and kssing my neck makes my mind go blank.

“Holy fuck,” I feel myself clench my legs together but am blocked by Elijah’s frame.

I feel Elijah’s smirk before I hear it, “Language, Elskan, or I’ll stop.”

“Oh God, please don’t.”

Elijah places another kiss to my neck before looking back up to me. It takes me only a moment to realize he’s checking to see if I’m alright.

“I said you could, Lijah” I stretch my neck so he has more room.

Elijah slowly nods his head and begins to press more gentle kisses to my neck but as I feel his fangs graze my neck, I release a deep breath. Not another second goes by before I’m closing my eyes in pain, from the sharp searing in my neck. I release a shaky breath but oddly enough the pain starts to change into…something more pleasurable after a moment. Don’t get me wrong it still hurts like a bitch but with the mix of Elijah’s sucking, his toungue cleaning the wound, and his hands: which have now found themselves massaging my underwear line, all of it is so…fucking good.

Elijah licks up my neck once more before standing back and staring at me.  I feel a cold liquid run down my neck and I watch as a line of dark crimson blood flows from my neck down over my chest and through the valley of my breasts, staining my white pajama top. And holy fuck I’d be lying if I said this wasn’t the hottest thing I’ve ever fucking seen.

I look up to Elijah…I stand corrected. The blood was the second hottest thing, because the look on Elijah’s face right now, a look of pure depravity, is definitely the hottest thing that I have ever laid my eyes on. 

“Poetry was created to describe women that look like you.”

Elijah’s words come out rushed and breathless as he runs his eyes over my body, as if he can’t believe he’s seeing me like this. And honestly if you told me 20 minutes ago I’d be bleeding on Elijah’s desk all hot and bothered I’d laugh in your face. But right now all I want is this man between my legs and his lips on mine. 

Never thought I’d say those words either.  

Elijah takes a step towards me and but stops as he sniffs the air.

“What?”

Fuck right now would be a horrible time to forget deodorant. 

“You smell like gasoline,” Elijah says darkly.

“Oh…sorry.”

“Take your shirt off,” He takes a step forward and I notice the dark look he had on his face from before is back.

“Take my…”

“Your shirt. Take it off.”

Elijah���s words come out simple and harsh and without even thinking about it I grab the hem of my night shirt and pull it over my head and toss it behind me. 

“Good girl. Now the pants.” 

I raise my eyebrows in surprise.

“Excuse me? You do it,” I say bewildered.

Elijah quickly steps forward and within a second he fucking RIPS my sleep short into two leaving my sitting on his desk in my fucking bra and undies.

“Elijah, I meant you take off your pants!”

Elijah leans back and his eyes slowly make their way down my body and oddly enough I don’t feel an ounce of shame. Usually when it comes to my looks and body there's always that voice in the back of my head telling me that I’m too ugly or too much in some places but right now, right here with Elijah I don’t hear that voice. All I can focus on is the man before me who is looking at me like I’m the most beautiful thing he’s ever seen. 

“I much prefer you without pants than myself,” Elijah remarks and I use my foot to push him slightly.

We stare at each other for a moment before Elijah gets a gleam in his eye and he leans down to press a soft kiss to my cheek. He then kisses my lips, then my neck, then the valley between my breasts taking the moment to swipe a finger over my blood and painting it across my chest, he then presses that hand onto my chest and pushes me so I’m laying flat on my back, I stare at the ceiling as I continue to feel Elijah plant kisses over my stomach. I feel his hand grab my ankle and I lean up on my elbows to watch as he places a chaste kiss to my inner ankle. 

“What are you doing,” I give him a tilt of my head, and a nervous smile.

Elijah smirks and I watch confused until he drops to his knees in front of me. 

Oh. 

OH!

“Elijah, what are you doing?”

A squeak leaves my mouth as Elijah grabs my thighs and pulls me to the edge of the desk. 

Elijah places a kiss to my inner thigh, “I want to show you just a fraction of how you make me feel. Can I?”

Fuck we love a man that asks for consent.

“I’ve never…I mean no one's ever…,” I gesture towards down there hoping he gets the idea and Elijah’s eyes darken. 

“I’ve guessed.”

I don’t really take offence to that because I quite literally scream “VIRGIN.”

“You don’t have to,” I shake my head. 

Elijah gives me a bewildered look, “Trust me, Elskan. The image of me between your legs is something that has haunted my greatest dreams and nightmares since the moment Rose-Marie brought you to me. This will be more of a gift to me than it will be to you. I give you my word.”

All I do is nod, because HOLY HELL.

“Words Elskan. I need words,” Elijah chastises.

“Yes. Um, yes, please.”

As soon as the words leave my mouth, Elijah’s mouth presses itself to my clothed core. 

“Holy shit!”

I throw my head back onto the desk as I feel Elijah swipe his tongue over my core through my now very soaked underwear. I let out a sound I didn’t even know I could release as I feel Elijah’s tongue take one more swipe, starting from my clit to my hole. 

I loud snap and a wave of cold air against my cunt makes me realize Elijah just ripped another piece of my clothing. I go to chastise him, but go fucking blank in the mind as I feel Elijah finger run itself through my folds. 

“Oh fuck, Elijah,” I breathe out through shallowed breath.

“You’re doing so good, Elskan. Smell so fucking sweet. I bet you taste even sweeter.”

Elijah’s words only make me close my eyes and pray that any of my dead ancestors are not watching this sinful act.

Like he’s been starved his entire fucking life Elijah dives his head into my core and swipes his tongue everywhere. 

My eyes roll to the back of my head.

“I was right,” I hear Elijah say to himself, “Just like nectar.”

Elijah doesn’t give me a second to adjust because the next thing I feel is his thick finger enter my throbbing hole. 

“So tight, so perfect,” Elijah says as he massages my inside with his finger and- 

“OH FUCK!”

Elijah’s finger curls inside me and if every Smutty book I’ve read is true then I’m pretty sure he just hit that spot. 

Elijah fucking chuckles! And then dares to enter another finger. I let out a breath of pain at the sudden tightness but release a breath of pleasure as Elijah leans down and begins sucking on my clit. 

A tight feeling builds in my lower gut and I feel like I can’t breathe.

“Elijah…I-”

“Let go for me Elskan, I want to see you cum on my fingers.”

Elijah’s nasty mouth, literally, is all I needed to hear before an unbearable wave of pleasure flows through me and I feel my whole body tighten.

“Elijah!”

I throw my head back onto the desk in exhaustion as my lungs fight for breath.

I feel Elijah presses a soft kiss to my center, making me squirm from sensitivity. 

“You did so well, My love.”

*End of smut*

I absentmindedly nod as I feel Elijah pick me up bridal style. I open my eyes as Elijah places me carefully on my two shaking feet. He presses a soft kiss to the side of my face before walking over to a white claw foot tub. Oh. We’re in his bathroom. 

I watch half naked and kind of self-conscious now as Elijah turns the tub on, and adds soap, making the water bubble up. 

“Come,” He reaches out his hand for me to take and I fight the urge to crack a joke at his words. He gives me a look which I’m guessing means he already knew I was going to tell a joke. I take his hand and slowly dip down into the warm water.

A low hiss escapes my mouth as my core touches the water and I feel a sharp pain. 

“You might be sore for a little while,” Elijah comments as he comes to sit beside me. He reaches his hand to the latch of my bra and I nod giving him the okay to take it off. As he slides the bra straps down my arms, he places feather like kisses to my shoulder. 

“Was I too rough,” His words come out hushes as if he’s afraid of my answer. 

I shake my head, “No,” I lean down into the water so the bubbles come up to my upper chest, “You were good.”

Elijah chuckles, “Just good?”

I shrug playfully, “I’d give you a good 7.5.”

Elijah lets out a loud laugh, “Oh really? I must have misheard you because I thought I heard you scream out my name over half a dozen times. My mistake.”

I use a sud-covered hand to shove him. 

“How is it that I’m completely naked and you’re still dressed in head to toe Versace?”

Elijah shrugs, “Is that a problem?”

I lean forward and start undoing his buttons, “You could at least lose the button up.”

Elijah smirks but still agrees as he undoes his top leaving him in a wife beater.

Elijah takes a glass from beside him and fills it up with water before pouring it over my hair. I lay back and close my eyes as Elijah makes work with shampooing my hair, his fingers massaging circles into my scalp.

“Feels. So. Good.”

—

My eyes open briefly as I feel myself being carried again.

I look around confused for a moment before I hear Elijah’s voice.

“Go back to sleep, Elskan. Everything’s alright. I’m right here.”

Hmm. 

I like the sound of that. 

[bellamoooon]

Will you let me hold you, please?

High school theater kid! Cooper x High school theater kid! Fem Reader

TW: extra corny bad written fic about a fruit salad 🤗

A.N: I completely understand if you do not want to finish reading this, I literally wrote this for funsies and because of the lack of cooper fics

"Have a little faith, Cooper is a great actor!" my friend Madelyn suggests as we walk away from the bulletin board. "I've seen him in a couple of school plays before, and plus, you are a great actress. I'm sure you'll do just fine."

"You do realize he's a sophomore, right? Maddie, I'm a freshman—he’ll be incredibly uncomfortable!" I say, turning to her as I glance down at my phone, checking the time. Five minutes until the first script read-through.

"Chill, Y/N. I had art with him last semester, and he’s honestly the sweetest human being. You’ll do just fine. Besides, he doesn’t talk to any of the other sophomores, so he doesn’t really care," she tries to comfort me, but it’s of no use. "He’s a 'go with the flow' kind of guy."

"Sure, yeah… Cooper, super nice, super chill, as cool as a breeze," I reply in an awkward voice as we reach the doors of the auditorium.

"Ew, don’t do that in front of him, please!" she laughs, patting my back. "Look, you got the role for a reason. You have talent. Thrive in it. It’ll be like home to you—I just know it." She smiles softly, and it makes me feel better. She always knows how to keep me grounded.

I sigh as I push open the door, stepping inside. I turn back to see Madelyn giving me two thumbs up. Dork.

I head to the front row of the empty auditorium, dropping my backpack into one of the seats. I glance around at everyone else, talking among themselves—none of them have noticed me yet.

"Hey, look! It’s Baby Moon!" Or so I thought.

I turn to see Liv, a senior, shouting from across the room. I remember her from when she was a junior and my brother, who had just recently graduated, was a senior. They had... a thing. No one really knew what it was—hell, I didn’t even know, and my brother tells me everything. When he graduated, he cut ties with her, saying it was for the best. He was right, but she refused to accept it. Ever since then, she’s made it her mission to make my life hell.

That’s why she got everyone to start calling me "Baby Moon," because of my last name. I hate the nickname.

"Thanks for the warm welcome, Liv," I say sarcastically as the others’ laughter dies down. She walks toward me with an arrogant smile. Can't wait to hear this.

"So, Baby Moon, congrats on the lead with Koch," she sneers, using Cooper's last name, which I know he hates—something Madelyn had mentioned.

"Thanks. Which role did you get? Tree number one?" I mock with a pout, to which she scoffs. "Relax, I know you wanted a low-profile role, so you went for the ensemble."

She rolls her eyes and walks away as we hear the theater teacher enter.

"Good afternoon, my beautiful actors and actresses! Today will be simple. We’ll have a first read of the scripts, and I’ll have the leads do a semi-improv chemistry test. Are we clear?" Everyone nods or mutters a 'yes' in response as she takes her seat in the front row with her clipboard. "Y/N, I see you're here. Has Cooper arrived?"

I look around. No sign of him.

"No, I haven’t seen him—"

"I’m here! Sorry! I’m here!" Cooper bursts through the door, his hair ruffled and his backpack hanging low from his arm. He must have sprinted from the other side of the school.

The teacher giggles softly. "It's alright, Cooper. Please grab a script."

He nods, grabbing the only remaining script from the second-to-last seat in the front row. He sits down, exhaling deeply, still panting from his run. He looks up, and our eyes meet for a brief moment before we both look away.

We finally start the read-through. I'm enjoying myself, and I glance around to see how others are reacting. Some look bored as usual, while others are laughing, and a few seem to be trying.

The teacher then announces the reading is over, and the leads are to come up to the stage for the chemistry test. I make my way to the stage, followed by Cooper, while the others remain seated, watching.

"I want to see some romance. Show me how you two connect, okay? Just let it flow," the teacher instructs.

I turn to Cooper, internally panicking about how I ended up in this situation, knowing I have zero guts for anything romantic.

"And... action!" the teacher calls out.

"I said I was sorry," Cooper says, his expression pleading, his voice taking on a whiny tone. Okay... think, Y/N, think.

"I-I don't know what to tell you. This was everything to me. You made a promise, and you broke it," I reply, spitting out the words with a mix of rage and a face on the verge of tears.

"Baby..." His voice softens as he steps closer, taking my hands in his. "I know I was wrong, but... I love you." He draws nearer.

"I just... I..." Before I know it, Cooper is down on his knees, his head level with my chin due to our height difference. One hand wraps around my waist while the other supports behind my knees.

"Please... I'll beg for your forgiveness if that's what you want. But please..." My hands instinctively move to his head—one running through his hair, the other resting on his cheek. "Please, baby... I promise I won't hurt you again."

A shiver runs down my spine as he speaks, his voice so smooth, so full of emotion that I almost forget we’ve never met before. Yet here he is, on his knees, begging for my forgiveness.

"I just can't... but you're just... so hard to get away from. You're like a drug to me. Tell me, love, what did you do to me? Why can't I walk away from you?" His face inches closer to mine, and without realizing it, I lean in too. Our lips meet—not rough or desperate, but soft and caring.

"And cut! Wow!" I pull away, realizing what just happened. My cheeks flush red as I turn to see the theater teacher smiling widely.

I turn back to find Cooper still on his knees, his arms wrapped tightly around my waist, making me blush even more. I extend a hand to help him stand.

"Nice to meet you, Cooper," I laugh, finally introducing myself after the whole unplanned scenario.

"Same here, Y/N." He laughs too, shaking my hand. Gosh, this is mortifying.

As Cooper stands up and shakes my hand, I can’t help but blush even harder. My cheeks feel like they’re on fire. I try to compose myself as the theater teacher begins to speak.

“That was absolutely brilliant!” she exclaims, clapping her hands together in excitement. “You two have incredible chemistry on stage. I’m feeling some real magic here.”

I turn back to Cooper, and we exchange a sheepish smile, still feeling the adrenaline from the scene we had just performed. My heart races as I realize we had just kissed. Even if it was just for the scene, it still left me feeling a bit flustered.

The theater teacher continues, "I knew I made the right choice in casting you two as leads! You're both incredibly talented, and you play off each other so well."

I glance at Cooper again, feeling a strange mix of butterflies in my stomach and a tinge of nervousness.

The teacher goes on, "I’m really excited to see what you two can do together. The opening night is in three weeks, so we better start working hard!"

I nod in agreement, still trying to process the events of the past few minutes. I can feel the eyes of the other cast members on us, some looking curious, others slightly envious.

Cooper speaks up for the first time, his voice as smooth as it was during the scene, "I’m really looking forward to working with you, Y/N."

“Me too… you’re really talented. You had me there for a second, and we just met.” I chuckle as we walk off the stage, grabbing our backpacks. “I’m not gonna lie, I was way too nervous before coming in. I thought you’d be, uhm— intimidating?”

Cooper chuckles softly as he walks beside me, slinging his backpack over his shoulder. "Intimidating? Me?" he says jokingly. "I’m not sure whether to feel honored or offended that you thought I was intimidating," he laughs again, this time softer.

We reach the door, which he pushes open to let me go first. I mutter a small "thanks." “Well, probably a bit offended, seeing as I’m literally mocked by everyone in this school, so… I was kinda expecting the same.”

Cooper's expression softens when I mention the mocking, and I see a hint of concern in his eyes. He then speaks, "I’m sorry to hear that… but trust me, I’m not like everyone else. I’m a pretty chill guy, and I don’t see you as less than anyone because you’re a freshman or whatever it is they mock you about."

“That’s— thanks…” I smile softly as I notice him subtly biting his bottom lip. “If they ever ask for Baby Moon, just know, that’s me,” I say with a chuckle, feeling a bit flustered.

Cooper lets out a laugh, "Baby Moon, huh? That’s a new one.” He raises an eyebrow, still smiling. “I have a feeling that’s not the only nickname you’ve accrued.”

“Not at all, no,” I laugh, noticing his messy hair, which I’d messed up earlier when I ran my hands through it. “I’m— sorry about your hair. It was the moment,” I stammer, blushing even more.

Cooper laughs sheepishly, bringing a hand up to ruffle his hair. “Don’t worry about it. Besides, it looks better this way.” He glances at me with a playful smirk. “Though I can’t help but wonder if you just wanted an excuse to mess it up.”

“Then I wonder if you just wanted an excuse to kiss me,” I turn it back on him, trying not to burst into laughter.

Cooper’s eyes widen in surprise, clearly not expecting that response. A blush slowly creeps onto his face as he struggles to reply. He stutters out a quick response, “I—no—uh…” Then he breaks into laughter, clearly amused by my retort. “Damn, good one,” he says, still laughing.

“I’m just teasing you. I’m never serious,” I laugh as I see someone running toward us. I turn around and see Madelyn approaching with a knowing smile as she spots me standing there with Cooper.

Cooper chuckles at my comment, still amused by our exchange. We then turn to see Madelyn approach, her grin widening as she sees us together. She walks up to us, her eyes flickering between Cooper and me with an almost conspiratorial look.

“Well— I…I’ll see you tomorrow at rehearsal, Cooper,” I smile at him and glance at his messy hair again. “You better fix that, or people might get the wrong idea.”

Cooper gives me a sly smile, clearly enjoying the banter. “Sure thing. Can’t have people thinking I was making out with the lead now, can I?”

He then laughs and playfully fixes his hair a bit, though it still looks incredibly messy. “There. Better?”

“A mirror might help you,” I snort as I grab Madelyn’s arm. Cooper huffs in mock annoyance.

“Hey, I tried my best!”

Madelyn grabs my arm and begins to pull me away as Cooper calls out. “See you tomorrow! Don’t forget to practice your lines!”

“You bet I won’t!” I answer, blushing, knowing Madelyn would comment on Cooper’s "making out with the lead" remark.

After we walk away, Madelyn looks at me with a mischievous grin, her eyes practically sparkling with curiosity.

“So…” she begins, a hint of playfulness in her voice, “making out with the lead, huh?”

“It’s just— a joke, a joke. We didn’t, like… make out for real,” I say, stammering as I look down at my feet.

Madelyn smirks at me, clearly enjoying my flustered state. “So you did make out with him,” she says, still grinning. “Wow, you do not waste time, do you?”

“Shut up, will ya? This is so embarrassing. We just— kissed for the chemistry thing and… and we introduced ourselves after he’d stuck his tongue down my throat! God—” I cover my face with my hands. Please kill me.

Madelyn bursts out laughing, clearly finding the whole situation hilarious. "Oh my god, Y/N," she giggles. "You’re blushing so hard right now. And his tongue down your throat? Wow, so much for being the quiet one, huh?"

“Shut up!” I laugh, mortified by the whole situation. I will never EVER live this down. “I’m just glad it’s over, so the kiss in rehearsals and on opening night won’t be… awkward.” I sigh as the heat from my cheeks dies down.

Madelyn snickers as she slings an arm around my shoulders. "Oh, you'll be fine. As long as you can see him again in rehearsals and on opening night. I'm sure you'll have plenty more 'tongue down the throat' moments to look forward to."

“Maddie! Oh my gosh!” I yell as she bursts out laughing, clearly finding this whole thing incredibly amusing while I find it rather mortifying.

As we walk down the hallway, suddenly Liv stands in our way, making us stop. She steps in front of us with a smug smile on her face. "Well, well, well," she sneers, looking directly at me. "Looks like the freshman got lucky, huh?"

I cringe internally as I realize what she's referring to. Liv had always loved bringing me down. I don't say anything, just try to maintain my composure as I look at her blankly.

She continues, turning her attention to Madelyn. "I mean, who would have thought little Baby Moon would get the lead and a cute upperclassman all in one day?"

"Liv—" I feel blank, and I don't want to fight, but I also know Madelyn won't let this slide.

Madelyn, ever the outspoken one, steps in front of me, her expression hardening. "Cut the crap, Liv," she spits. "You know damn well that Y/N deserves that role more than anyone."

Liv scoffs, unfazed by Madelyn's words. "Please, just because she's a freshman doesn't mean she's any good. And I saw her with Koch earlier—he's way out of her league."

Madelyn rolls her eyes, clearly annoyed by Liv's condescending attitude. "You're just jealous," she snaps back. "Y/N's a damn good actress, and Cooper being into her just proves it."

"He's not—" I try to speak, but they both completely ignore me.

Liv smirks, not backing down. "Please, he's not into her, and even if he was, it's only because she's the lead. Once opening night is over, he'll dump her and move on to the next girl who gets the lead."

"He's not into me, and neither am I into him! It's just acting!" I snap, frustration bubbling over. "God, Liv, get a fucking life and stop snooping into mine because you're still obsessed with my brother! Go find a friend or something!" I gasp for air as I stop myself from saying anything else. Shit.

Liv's face goes slack at my outburst, clearly taken aback. Madelyn looks shocked, but I can see a hint of approval in her eyes. The hallway falls eerily quiet as people around us stop to look and whisper about what just happened.

"I—Liv, I'm so sorry—"

Liv takes a step back, clearly stung. She tries to keep her cool, but I can see the hurt in her eyes. "Shut up," she says, her voice strained. "You have no idea what you're talking about."

Madelyn steps between us, trying to diffuse the tension. "Okay, both of you, chill out," she says, her voice firm but calm.

Liv glares at me before pushing past us, bumping my shoulder as she walks away. Madelyn turns to me, a mix of concern and approval on her face. "That was intense," she says, shaking her head.

"I'm 100% screwed," I mutter as I stare blankly down the hallway. I was barely into freshman year, and my high school life was already over.

Madelyn sighs, placing a comforting hand on my shoulder. "Hey, don’t worry too much about it. Yeah, Liv's probably pissed, but she'll get over it. And besides, this might actually work in your favor."

The next day comes around, and I'm walking into the auditorium for rehearsal. The events of yesterday are still fresh in my mind, and I can feel the tension in the air as I make my way down the aisle to the stage. Some of the cast members give me curious glances, clearly aware of the confrontation with Liv.

As I approach the stage, I spot Cooper sitting off to the side, going over some notes. He looks up and gives me a small smile, clearly aware of the awkwardness between us after the whole flirty interaction and making-out thing. I awkwardly return the smile and make my way beside him.

I set my backpack down and try to think of something to say, but before I can, Cooper breaks the silence. "Hey," he says softly. "How are you holding up after yesterday?"

"I see you've heard about my little outburst to Liv—like everyone else." I shake my head as I pull the script from my backpack. "You never realize how quickly gossip spreads until you reach high school."

Cooper lets out a small laugh, clearly amused. "Yeah, I heard about it," he says, still smiling. "But don't worry too much. Half the people in this school have probably gotten into a fight with Liv at some point."

"Yeah, well, I'm not exactly thrilled to be one of Liv's mortal enemies." I smile as I turn the pages of the script, marking specific sections with numbers and lines. He lets out another soft laugh, mirroring my actions.

"Well, if she keeps you as her mortal enemy, she can count on having two now," he says, his eyes meeting mine. "I've got your back. I'm not a raging asshole."

I laugh, looking down at my hands, feeling a bit flustered by his words, though my head pounds lightly. He barely knew me, yet he was already being so sweet. But then Liv’s words echoed in my head for some reason.

He was probably just being nice because I was the lead. He has no reason to be this nice or "have my back."

"Yeah, thanks..." I say softly, trying to push Liv's voice out of my head. She's the raging asshole, not Cooper.

"By the way, have you read through the whole thing?" He closes his script. "I'm obsessed with the confession scene," he says, grabbing my script and flipping through the pages until he lands on a specific part with a grin. I yawn as he hands the script back to me. "Sleepy? It's barely 11:30, you know?" he snorts, seeing my tired expression.

"Yeah, just—" I yawn again. "Yeah, just a little." I smile softly, though it was far more than just a little. I hadn't slept more than an hour and hadn't eaten anything yet, only drinking water all morning.

"Well, better wake up, kid. We've got some rehearsing to do," he laughs as he gets up and walks on stage. Our teacher stands up and starts indicating the scenes we'd be rehearsing during the week, and something about costumes, though I don't really hear any of it as the room spins around me.

"Y/N, get into place with Cooper, sweetheart," she calls out. I walk slowly, carefully stepping onto the stage. I glance at Cooper, his expression showing clear confusion, as if to say, "She was fine a couple of minutes ago."

"Okay, Cooper, start on the second line on the third page, scene two. You there?" He quickly reads through the page and gives a thumbs-up. The teacher then turns to me. "Y/N, are you with us, love?"

I glance down at the page, then up at her and nod softly, trying to ignore my exhaustion and pounding headache.

"Mhm." Cooper turns to me, still looking concerned but saying nothing.

"Alright then, Cooper, on my count," the teacher says. "And... action!"

"I haven't seen you around here, are you new?" Cooper says, holding his hands behind his back as he moves steadily closer. "I'm Alec. You are?"

"Yeah, that’s—me, new—nice to meet you." I stretch out my hand, and he rolls his eyes with a playful grin. "Roni, I'm Roni, a pleasure."

"Well, Roni, what brings you around here? Little spoiler: there's not much to see." He turns his back on me, taking a few steps away before stopping and spinning around.

"My—my..." I try to step back, but my legs wobble. I let out a shaky breath, struggling to finish my line. "My—mom, she's on boyfriend number four, so..."

"Oh—messy home life?" His brows furrow as he sees me stumble. "Everything alright?"

"Not—not really, but I can live with it." My breathing becomes shaky as the whole auditorium spins faster. Cooper glances at our teacher, then back at me. I attempt to take another step, but my knees buckle, and I feel myself fainting.

Cooper rushes over in an instant, wrapping his arms around mine as he fell to the ground with me in his arms and falling onto his lap.

A few gasps were heard as the whole thing happened. Cooper stroked some hair out of my face as he checked me over. The teacher called a fifteen-minute break before coming up to check on me and Cooper, who hadn’t left my side.

“Y/N, sweetie, what happened? Are you alright? Did you get hurt?” she asked, grabbing my chin and turning my face from side to side as she checked me. I shut my eyes, still dizzy from the tumble.

“Yeah, just—tired. I had a long night, that’s all.”

“Y/N, you collapsed. You would’ve hit the ground if I hadn’t caught you,” Cooper spoke up as someone handed him his backpack after he silently signaled for it. “You are in no state to rehearse today.” The teacher nodded as he pulled out a chocolate protein bar and handed it to me. “You have to eat something, please.”

“Cooper, I’m fine—really.” As our teacher walked away, he opened the wrapper and placed the bar in my hand. I turned to him, and he just remained silent. “Cooper—”

“Eat. I can’t have my love interest fainting on me,” he chuckled. Finally, I gave in and took a bite, feeling immediate relief as something hit my stomach after hours of starvation.

I finished the bar, and I realized I was still sitting between Cooper’s legs as he held me, not letting go at any moment. I felt a blush creeping up my cheeks as I saw him smiling down at me. I tried to get up, but he gently took hold of my wrist.

“Will you let me hold you here for a while, please?” he asked shyly, sighing. “Rest here for a bit. I just want to make sure you’re okay, please.”

“You are... too sweet. Fine,” I replied, staying in place as Cooper wrapped his arms around my neck from behind. I shook my head with a small smile.

“Is this a bad moment to ask if you’d like to get coffee with me sometime?” he asked, peeking his head around the side. I let out an audible laugh. Madelyn was right—he might just be the sweetest human being ever.

[nereidprinc3ss]

okay i know this is kind of a specific request but can you do something with professor Spence and uni reader where they get into a spat and argue bc she did something stupid and he gets mad and she’s like “noooo pls don’t be mad i hate when you’re mad at me I’m sorry🥺” bc she literally cannot function knowing she let him down (me with everybody) but he’s like super stubborn and goes all closed up and quiet so that he doesn’t like blow up on her until she finally says like “pls talk to me” and he’s all pissed and like “hell na bitch u crazy!🗣️‼️” but then later he’s like “it’s ok i love u but neva do that shit again ho” then they make up and it’s good again 🎀 ok i explained that so poorly (and comedically if i may) but i hope u get it and pls make it SO DRAMATIC bc I live for drama! like she steals test answers or something or does something that could like get her kicked out of school OR him lose his job 🤔 sigh … idk I’m leaving now. Also i LOOPOOOCE ORRKGOOVI love your fics. Luv em

hey girl (gender neutral) this made me laugh bc genuinely sometimes i write spencer so ooc that is what he sounds like. and i'm not sorry! anyway this is potentially a vyvanse fueled nightmare but i wrote it and i'm posting it MY BLOG MY RULES BITCHESSSS!!!! but genuinely read the content warning LMAO this one got a lil kick to it

warnings/tags: ANGST, HURT/COMFORT, fem!reader, spencer and r get into a for real argument like they're mean to each other, spencer is a lil toxic but its resolved, emotionally neglects reader just for a teeensy second but then he's really nice and sweet again, discussion of his past addic+ion, gets fluffy because i'm not EVIL, gets suggestive at the end bc i am secretly evil.......

a/n: i don't know whats happening. this confuses me just as much as it confuses you. its 3 am in the morning. im gonna post nice happy things soon. Gootbye

“I cannot believe you right now. I don’t even—I don’t even know what to say.” 

“Spencer, you don’t have to say anything. It has nothing to do with you, and I’m not looking for your approval.” 

He looks up from where he’d been rubbing his temples, like you’re a headache, eyebrows raised and lips parted in indignant disbelief. 

“Oh! You’re not looking for my approval? Well thank god for that, because if you were one of my students I would recommend expulsion to the board.” 

“Are you fucking kidding me? I just said I don’t care about your opinion on this, much less your hypothetical opinion from some alternate universe where you have any authority over my education whatsoever.” 

“You distributed an answer key to half of your class! Objectively this is the kind of thing that gets people expelled. I don’t understand how someone so smart could do something so fucking stupid.” 

The words bite more than you were prepared for—but what hurts even more is how much he seems to mean them. In arguments past you’d both said things you didn’t mean, and then would immediately melt into I’m so sorry’s and the fight would resolve itself. Spencer’s clenched jaw and inability to make eye contact with you do not lend themselves to tender apologies. They cannot be attributed to miscommunication. 

You take a step closer to where he’s bracing himself against the countertop, arms crossed defensively in front of your chest. 

“Spencer, I’m sorry. I didn’t think it was such a big deal. People cheat in college all the time.” 

Still no reply. His head shakes so minutely you wonder if you’re imagining it. Panic wells in your chest. 

“Please talk to me. I really hate when you ice me out. I’m sorry, okay? Just... please say something.” 

Finally, his eyes slide to you. They lack the fiery anger of moments ago but there’s not much softness there either. His normally warm gaze now feels too abrasive, too cold and sharp on your bare skin. You're exposed, much too soft for that grating look, and it feels like he can see everything that’s wrong with you. 

“Believe me when I tell you this. I am doing us both a favor by not speaking to you right now.” 

And then he’s leaving the kitchen—nothing but a breeze against your cheek and the sound of a door slamming to prove he was ever there. 

The apartment is silent. You stand in the middle of the kitchen, unsure of what to do next. Spencer very, very rarely gets angry at you to the point of neglect, and you know he’s doing his best with what was modelled for him as a child and his tendency to feel things so deeply it’s nearly disabling; but that doesn’t make it hurt much less. It doesn’t make you feel less abandoned or alone.  

You’re sad, and you’re still pissed, and maybe you’re in just a bit of shock as you robotically move back to your nest of blankets on the couch and resume your schoolwork. What else is there to do? Unless Spencer is right—unless you really are about to get expelled after getting the answer key for an upcoming test from a friend, who then gave it to another friend, and so on. But is that really your fault?  

It’s a struggle to stay focused as your mind keeps drifting back to Spencer in the other room, those cruel words and that cold steely look in his eye that isn’t supposed to ever be aimed at you. It’s not a secret that side of him exists, but it doesn’t belong in this apartment. It’s not something he needs to use against you. He’s supposed to be on your side. But instead, he’d said you should be expelled and essentially called you stupid. And now you’re doing homework for a class at a school you may not even be a student of come Monday. 

---------------------------------------------------

The sound of the office door opening forty-five minutes later spikes your blood pressure and simultaneously makes your heart flutter, because no matter how mad at him you might be, Spencer is still Spencer.  

He comes to stand behind the couch quietly, but you don’t acknowledge him. Maybe your typing gets a bit more aggressive, but aside from that you flat out reject his presence. 

“Can we talk?” 

You let him sweat for a minute as you finish your paragraph. 

“I don’t know, Spencer. Can we? Or are you not done with your temper tantrum?” 

“That is... well deserved,” he sighs, rounding the couch and tapping the bottom of your foot, signaling that he wants you to move your legs. You despise how automatically you comply, pulling your knees to your chest to avoid touching him as he sits next to you. There’s a long moment of silence, in which you resume typing. Spencer scoffs, leaning in slightly to peer at your screen. “Are you doing homework right now? I’m a complete asshole to you and you just... do your homework?"

“What the fuck else was I supposed to do?” you almost-yell, slamming your laptop shut and blinking away potential tears. “The only person I wanted to talk to called me stupid and fucking left!” 

The tears realize their potential once you admit the blunt truth. 

Spencer carefully moves your laptop and pulls you into his arms—and you just let him. There’s not much fight left in you. There wasn’t a lot to begin with. 

“I am so sorry, angel. You’re right, I shouldn’t have done that. I shouldn’t have yelled, I shouldn’t have said what I said, I shouldn’t have walked away. I overreacted.” 

“Yeah, you really did,” you cry, allowing him to run his hand over your hair. “Why did you do that? Why were you so fucking mean?” 

His voice shakes slightly as he responds, betraying his own anxieties, and a new, unwelcome sense of trepidation slithers through your veins. 

“I was wondering that, too. Even as I was saying it, I knew—I knew it wasn’t what I wanted to be saying. And then I was in the other room and I wanted to be out here, and I couldn’t figure out why I wasn’t. But I think I was just scared. Which—I know, doesn’t really make sense, but... I think about when Ethan dropped out of the academy, and ended up doing heroin in New Orleans for three years, and I think about when I almost left the BAU because I was so convinced I’d never get clean that I didn’t even want to anymore, and—and the idea of you losing your education and your direction like that terrified me, probably unreasonably, and I took it out on you. And I’m sorry.” 

“But I’m not like you or Ethan. You don’t have to worry about that. Even if I... even I do get in some sort of disciplinary trouble. That’s a road you don’t have to worry about me going down, ever.” 

He fixes some unseen wrinkle on your shirt.  

“Yeah, but, remember... I used to not be like me or Ethan either. Do you think twelve-year-old Spencer would have ever even considered that of the infinite realities and universes which exist, he was living in one where someday he’d be shooting up in the bathroom at work?” 

“Mm-mm,” you hum, shaking your head and burying your face in Spencer’s shoulder. The sound is more of a plea for him to be less descriptive than an answer to his rhetorical question. It’s still much easier for him to talk about that part of his life than it is for you to have to actually imagine it. You didn’t know him then, but you’ve seen pictures, and you know Spencer now, and it’s... it’s just too much. Too sad. 

“Okay,” he agrees soothingly, still playing with your hair. “I digress. My point is that literally anything is possible, and while it’s not necessarily likely, I more than anyone know that anxiety even over the most improbable of things is never completely unfounded.”  

You sniffle in response, too emotionally and physically exhausted to contribute much to the conversation by this point. Thankfully, Spencer can talk for two. An idiosyncrasy which you love and comes in handy every once in a while. He can play his own devil’s advocate; in this case, you. 

“But that doesn’t mean I get to take it out on you. Ever. I truly, truly, sincerely apologize for that. I never want to hurt you.” 

You let the apology sink into your skin like a salve, soothing every abrasion those earlier words had left in their violent wake. 

After a few minutes, you find the energy to ask a question that might best remain unanswered. 

“Are you still mad at me?” 

He’s quiet for a beat, seemingly contemplative as his fingers trace abstract patterns in a language all his own on your arm. 

“I’m not thrilled. But you were right earlier. It’s not my place to be mad at you for something like that.” 

“Mm... it’s a little bit your place. You’re an actual professor.” 

He chuckles. 

“At an entirely different university.” 

“Thank god,” you laugh. “You and me at the same school would be such an HR clusterfuck.”

While it’s almost a serious matter, the smile in his voice is evident. 

“Yeah... I, uh... try not to think about it.” 

“Okay, but seriously. In your professional opinion. Am I fucked? Like, do I need to prepare an appeal and character witnesses or whatever?” 

Spencer sighs. 

“It was incredibly reckless and irresponsible. You should be ready for disciplinary pushback from the schoolboard if you get caught. That being said... because over sixty of you got a hold of the answer key, I doubt anyone is getting expelled, and even if they did, it would likely only be the TA and the student he gave the key to. It’s my tentative, professional opinion that you’ll probably be fine.” 

You relax slightly, allowing a tension you didn’t realize was there to shed like an old skin. 

“I’m not gonna cheat again,” you promise on an exhale. It��s simply too much risk for too little reward.

Spencer’s response is quiet, and comes much faster than you’d expected. 

“Oh, I know you aren’t. Because if you do, you’re going to have to worry about disciplinary action from me. And I’m not nearly as nice as the dean of your school, darling girl.” 

But something about the way he says it—a thinly veiled threat/promise contrasted by a sweet kiss to your forehead—doesn’t exactly make academic honesty look all that exciting.

[lilacgaby]

operation: start!

~1k

chapter select

"hey? flower freak. you okay?"

"no." damn this stupid quirk. [name] thought.

she was currently sprawled out on the floor, laid right in front of the dorms. in hindsight, yes it was stupid to lay right there. she should've just walked in, but she wasn't thinking straight.

"oh. sucks to be you."

"yes it does." she was currently face to face with one of her closest friends, and crush, katsuki. for some reason she was adopted by mina at the start of the year, who for some other odd reason, loved to hang with katsuki and his friends.

this led to katsuki and her hanging out one on one occasionally because of their shared affection for romance manga. and because quote on quote, "she's cool for an extra." whatever that meant. it still, embarrassingly, made her heart flutter though.

"are you gonna get up or sit outside like a dumbass?" katsuki quipped, eyeing her off attitude.

"i'm gonna get up, uh-- just don't wait on me!"

"...okay."

with that, bakugo turned and walked back inside. he noted her odd behavior, but shrugged it off. he knew she had just finished a mission.

"oh by the way, i took another volume of maid-sama from your room."

"don't break it!"

he closed the door behind him, leaving her there on the floor.

after an awkward encounter with aizawa, who looked at her as if she grew another head for breaking curfew just to lay on the floor, she got up and walked inside.

mina immediately ran over to her.

"hey girl! how was your patrol?"

"bad." [name] was becoming unsurprised at the way her mouth answered for her.

"what? really what happened?"

don't say it. "i got hit by a truth quirk, i told mirko about my crush on bakugo, and im scared im going to accidentally confess." damn it.

mina's eyes widened at her sudden confession.

"i knew it! sero and denki owe me a thousand yen!"

"wait, you knew?" [name] asked, shocked at the revelation.

"yes girl, duh! your eyes literally sparkle when you see him! and don't think that i missed that flowers start blooming whenever you and him are together! i thought you were dating for a while." mina confessed.

[name] felt her face get hot.

"it's really that obvious?"

"yes."

"aw man. well.. then you have to help me!"

mina tilted her head in confusion. "with what?"

"i-- okay just... let me go shower and meet me in my room."

"ooh! is this gonna be a mission? should i call the girls or the squad?" mina looked a little too enthusiastic for [name]'s taste.

but she trusted mina. she was basically her best friend. so, she relented.

"whoever you think'd be better for this."

mina looked thoughtful. "okay, got it! i'll be in your room in an hour!"

[name] sighed and walked up to the showers.

please mina.. pull through for me.

ʚ ✩ ɞ.

[name] hoped the shower would wash away her anxiety, and it did for a short time. but she was reminded of her impending doom when she saw her entire friend group on her bed.

denki, kirishima, sero, and mina all eyed her as she entered her room. odd how she felt like she wasn't supposed to be in her own room.

"uh.. hey guys."

"hey, heard about the quirk you got hit with." denki commented.

"and about your crush. thanks [name] i won three-thousand yen!" kirishima remarked.

[name] deadpanned.

"anyways, we're all here for operation: save [name] from being embarrassed by her feelings of true love!" mina exclaimed, pulling a chalkboard out of no where.

"we couldn't have come up with a shorter name? how about.. operation: save [name]." sero added.

"yeah but that's too.. ambiguous. we need to know what we're saving her from." kirishima said.

"huh.. how about.. save [name] from bakugo. o:s_fb for short." sero said.

"ooh cool name! makes it feel all professional and stuff!" mina said excitedly as she added it to the board.

meanwhile, [name] just stood there, wishing to be anywhere else. she had so many questions in her mind, but she was broken out of her thoughts as mina wrote:

'keep [name] away from katsuki alone: aka third wheel strategy.'

"huh?" [name] muttered.

"okay guys, we have to third wheel them!

in order to keep our darling [n/name] safe,

we have to make sure he never makes a joke that could make her accidentally confess." mina proposed.

"we will come back here everyday after bakugo goes to sleep at 8, and talk about any changes we have to make to our strategy. got it?"

"got it!" they, minus [name], said in unison.

"oh by the way [name], for how long does the quirk last?"

"a week." she sighed.

the group seemed to fall apart at that.

"third wheeling for an entire week?! that's insane!" denki exclaimed.

"yeah, i don't know about this [name], maybe you should give it up and confess willingly."

"yeah let's start a new operation! operation: perfect confes--"

"no way." [name]'s voice cut through. "i-i can't guys. and i really need your help so.. please? it's just til next sunday. i'll take you guys out to eat as soon as the quirk goes off."

the group all collectively looked over eachother, while mina stood strong. "i was always going to help you with your plan, dumb or not."

"yeah, it wouldn't be manly to force a confession."

they all agreed, and set off to their rooms for the night. they would've broke curfew again, but denki and sero were one strike away from house arrest.

"operation starts tomorrow [name]! don't forget it!" mina said, before leaving with the big ass chalkboard left behind in her room.

[name] sighed and huffed into her pillow.

seven days to go.

i got this.

o:s_fb start!

prev | next!

[heartbreakgrill]

Delicate: Vessel (Sleep Token); Part 8; "My reputation's never been worse."

“This is so fucking stupid.”

I shoved my hands into my hoodie pocket, eyes rolling at the sight of the boys, noise makers between their lips, some jank ass sign unraveling in the wind.

“Your mom’s fucking stupid,” Max fired back with his usual goofy smile, words muffled from the noise maker in his mouth. His knocked his fist against my elbow gently as he passed by, moving to help Cy hold up the poster board.

They’d bought it at a random Walgreens, after having forced the Uber driver to pull over, abruptly. Then, with bumpy hands and terrible penmanship, they wrote out some sarcastic for Sam about returning home from prison.

“Don’t be a sour puss, dude,” Adam replied. His brows were furrowed, chin dipping side to side in disagreement to my negative statement.

I looked to him, watching as he pulled a cone shaped hat down onto his hair, the rubber band snug against his chin. The meer humor of the too-small hat on his head made his words lose any meaning. I wanted to laugh, but instead I shot back, my brows skeptically, sarcasm quick as air, “Who? Me? No, never!”

Adam scoffed a laugh. His hat was finally adjusted now, hands falling to his sides exasperatedly. “Seriously. Just try to be nice, for once. Sam said Daisy’s, like, so sweet.” My skepticism only darkened my gaze, sarcasm sinking into genuine wonder, “So, what, we’re gonna be dancing around some child all summer?”

It was a valid question. When Sam asked us about Daisy joining the tour for the summer, everyone else just jumped on board. I, however, took a little convincing. What business did she even have here, 5,000 miles from home? It’s not like she had any professional connections to touch on, nor was London that interesting. Or, maybe I was just being a pessimist, again…

To say the least, I had trust issues. Or, in my therapist’s more light turn of phrase, I was cautious, careful to new people because I had a lot on the line with my career and had been through numerous situations with others that ended up with me, well…in therapy.

Max battled with the cardboard sign as the wind seemed to be winning the war. He struggled to get the words out as he scuffled to straighten its edges, which seemed to take more work than it needed to, “She’s literally only 5 years younger than you.”

“So, a child?”

“So, a 23 year old, grown woman. She’s really smart, Sam said. I’m sure you can have some fun conversations about the elements and shit.”

“Sam’s biased,” I murmured, focused now on the cigarette between my pointer and middle fingers. I dallied with lighting it, displaced energy in the act. It was early. I was tired.

“Sam’s one of your best mates,” Cy shot me a look. “Listen, just give her a chance. Stop moping just because you think some woman’s gonna take away from our guy time this summer.”

I straightened up, offense hitting my features like a stone wall, “When did I say that? I’m just worried we’re gonna have to cater to some child while we’re trying to literally do our jobs. She’s gonna be pursuing around like she’s in some Taylor Swift video while we’re going to be trying to earn our income. It’s just…weird.”

I’d never mention that fear to them- the fear I had of this trust. I think maybe if they all looked at me a little more closely, they’d see it. They’d see the fear in my eyes. But, I was really good at displacing my anxieties onto a separate, less pressing issue.

If I was ever terrified the sky was going to fall, then, suddenly, I was lashing out about the uncut grass in the front yard, randomly. Gotta love unhealthy coping mechanisms. Cy was still looking at me all judgmentally. I knew he wanted to lecture me further, but he simply reached over, patted my shoulder, and said, “Just…try not to be a dickhead, okay? Let the girl enjoy her summer.”

Max continued on, blabbering about something or the other. “I’m, like…Ollie, have you ever even seen a Taylor Swift video? I am pretty sure not a single fucking one takes place in Europe. They’re all super conceptual and abstract. Honestly, you might actually love some of ‘em. What’s that older one? With the trees and shit?”

“Out Of the Woods?” Adam was quick to fill in the blanks. I looked to him out of the corner of my vision, gaze narrowed. Of course he knew which one it was. He held his hands up, defensively, “What? My little cousin loves her.”

“Mhm,” I nodded, slow.

He trailed off, looking away, “And, maybe, you know, I do, too.”

“Oh, I’m sure.”

Max latched onto Adam’s help, continuing his rant about Taylor Swift, of all things. “Fuck! Out of the Woods! It reminds me a lot of the Fall for Me video! There’s, ya know, water…lots of running…self-deprecation. Fuck, a Sleep Token/Taylor Swift collab would go so hard!”

“Shit, could you imagine some real drums on one of her songs?” Cy perked up at the thought, fingers thrumming against the corner of the sign that he’d now laid his clutches on. “Sick!”

“Oh, God,” I rubbed my forehead, itching more and more to finally light up my cigarette, puff out a few smokey deep breaths. “I can feel the glitter and sparkles starting to fucking suffocate me! Can we please talk about something else?”

“Whatever, Ollie,” Adam flicked his hand towards me dismissively. He went to change the subject when his phone dinged from his pocket. He pulled it out, in one fluid motion, and read whatever text he’d gotten. “Shit! They just got their bags! Quick! Hold up the sign!”

Max shuffled around, all energetic, trying to make everything look perfect. He quickly tried to put a party hat on my head. I had to shove his entire body into Adam to stop him from getting the string down over my chin.

“Fuck off!” I cursed, brushing out the torso of my hoodie. He giggled, annoyingly, knowing he’d successfully gotten on my nerves. Again.

Max turned his attention away from me and to the two people who had just walked out of the airport, suitcases rolling behind them, backpacks looped around their shoulders. I noticed Sam, first, his head dipped down into his phone, curly blonde hair mopped up atop his head. He was dressed, head to toe, in all black. It was a welcome site, the fifth member of our posse back in our home country, our original stomping grounds, even if he wasn’t from here.

I let a smile overtake my features, excitement bubbling in my cheeks. It was actually really good to see him.

I wouldn’t have even paid any attention to the girl standing beside him if she didn’t stick out so much, like a sore thumb. Her bright pink sweater, gray sweatpants, the purples and greens swirled around her suitcase. Every single thing touching her was just…so colorful. Even the expression on her face, wide grin, cheery eyes- though they were circled by tireless bags- it was all so glaring.

I narrowed my eyes skeptically.

As Sam fumbled about on his phone, she stepped forward, excitedly taking an extra noise maker, my left over party hat, from Max. She barely got the hat on before Sam was looking up, our small crowd erupting into joyous ruckus that caused him to nearly drop his phone.

I don’t know why, but I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. I watched her, carefully, as she went through the motions of greeting everyone. Adam was his shy, introverted self. Cy was charismatic, Max obnoxiously flirty.

And she was just…constant, through it all. Upbeat, grinning, encouraging to every single average word that my friends told her.

And then she was looking at me, offering her hand. My head shook slightly as if to unscramble my consciousness. I glanced between her hand, her own gaze, unsure of what to do or say. I had been too busy watching. I barely brought myself out of that entrapped stare before my name came fumbling out of my mouth.

“Oliver.”

She seemed a little put off, taken aback, after I blatantly ignored her outstretched hand. But, I didn’t want to shake it. I was afraid that, if I touched it, she might shock me, sting me, scorch me with that bleeding sunshine she seemed to have sticking to her skin.

Besides, I couldn’t trust her, right? Right.

I turned my head away, feeling somewhat ashamed for the way I brushed her off. There was a rejected twinkle in her eyes, one that I could not handle. Moving on from that interaction, or in an attempt to do so, I tilted my chin down, glazing my eyes to the concrete. I shrunk beneath the cover of my hood. I didn’t need to feel bad for anything. I didn’t even know her, nor did she know me.

As the others finished up with their exchange of greetings, the group itself began making its way back to the Uber, with Sam and Daisy now a part of the flow.

The car ride back was objectively short, though it felt longer than the time on Apple Maps said. I rode in the back with the guys, pressed up against the door due to the lack of space. My long knees jutted out awkwardly. The bone of my leg ached from knocking against the door with each bump in the road that the car hit.

I stared out of the window, hoping the painful time would pass quicker. The ugliness of London stared back at me. A small, curious part of me kept darting my eyes towards the front seat, where she sat. But I stilled my gaze on the city.

That was maybe part of the issue- I just didn't understand why Daisy was so interested in visiting this place anyways. It was boring, bland. I associated the cloudy gray skies and rainy summers with some of the worst times of my life. This city looked the way I felt for most of it, too. The people were shit, too. Rude, always in a rush, unforgiving and untrustworthy.

What adventure could one find in this wet, concrete maze of hell?

Bored, I moved my attention back to the interior of the car, still resisting that urge to look forward. Adam, Cy, Sam, and Max were a cacophony of lost conversation, catching up, rumbling laughter. I listened for a moment, intently awaiting her to throw in her two sense. She seemed like the type to talk somebody’s ear off. Perhaps I could read between her sentences, find out her motives, her intentions, find something to use against her, so I could easily hate her and put distance between us-

Oh.

She was sleeping.

Her body was slumped against the door, neck pillow twisted around to support her forehead from the glass of the window. She cradled her hands to her stomach, the blanket she had just up underneath her chest.

The curve of her face caught my eye the most, the simple stillness of the lines around her lips, the peaceful flutter that ruffled her lashes every so often. I wondered what she dreamt of- rainbows, sunshine, lollipops. I bet she was the type of person who would respond, "World peace," when asked what she would wish for if she had a genie.

God. I really was an asshole. Here was this stranger, this beautiful, seemingly kind stranger, trying to catch up on sleep after traveling nearly 20 hours…and here I was, creating an entire persona around the two facts I actually knew about her. Maybe I should give her a chance, like the guys said. Maybe I should let her in, even if it was barely past the surface, and try to be amicable.

Maybe she wouldn’t sell my name to the paparazzi. Maybe she wouldn’t leak photos of me online, or call news sites to gain traction on social media.

I nearly flinched as she shifted in her slumber, so lost in my thoughts that the disruption was a panic. Her lips parted, just so, as air deflated from her lungs. The hair that curled around her face ruffled from the gentle gust.

Though she looked like Sam, she really was beautiful. Sure, Sam was attractive, in his own way. But, uniquely, Daisy was…honestly, gorgeous, all doe-eyed, rose lips, freckled cheeks.

I kept staring at her, analyzing, accidentally memorizing.

As I felt myself sinking, into my seat, into myself, into this stare I had on her, I straightened up, shoved myself back in the door.

The poor girl wasn’t even awake.

And I was being far too open.

When we reached the hotel, everyone piled out of the Uber. I went to step out, myself, to begrudgingly helped with luggage. But after I cast a casual glance over my shoulder, I noticed Daisy was still asleep. As though she were his responsibility, I found Sam and went to vocalize the issue with him. But he was busy with their bags.

None of the others were really familiar enough with her to consider her.

No one but me, I guess, because I was reaching out my fingers, touching her shoulder, telling her, "We're here."

I swept myself away before she could wake up and look me in the eyes. - "Where's your sister?" Cy inquired, poking at his dish with the fork in his hold.

Sam shrugged as he continued shoveling french fries in his mouth. "Sleeping, I think. She was fucking exhausted. Could barely get herself to bed this morning.”

"Poor girl," Max pouted his bottom lip. "Has she ever traveled this far from home?"

"Nope."

"Damn. Good for her, then. It's hard to just leave everything behind, to leave your everyday life for this type of thing for this long," Max continued.

I listened intently, though I made it seem like I wasn't even conscious of the guys seated at the table with me. Where they thought I was mindlessly stirring my drink, I was reading between the lines of every vague fact Sam dropped about Daisy.

"Well," he held a hand before his mouth as he chewed, swallowed. He sat back as he began to unload more information about his sister, "No offense to her, but she doesn't have much of a life. She works, like, two-three jobs at any given time. She works at some clinic during the day, waits tables in the evening, then does some stuff on campus here and there."

"Shit. Hope she's taking care of herself," Adam commented, thoughtfully.

"She does. I think. I don't know. We don't really get much time together anymore. Ever since mom died...I don't know. It's been hard to stay connected."

"This summer's gonna be good, then, for you guys to get to see each other," Cy touched Sam’s wrist with his fist, encouraging our friend with his response.

"Yeah," Sam's eyes seemed a little distant then, like there were foggy memories, regrets clouding his consciousness, "Yeah, I hope so."

Max went to speak again when Sam's phone went off. He pulled it out, scrolling through the texts he'd received. "Speak of the devil."

Sure enough, Daisy came padding into the hotel bar. Her hair was damp, twisted up behind her head by some clip. Her features were more prominent this way, skin shining with the care she must have just put into it. As she approached us, her perfume breezed off her skin, off her stupid Taylor Swift hoodie, right past my nose.

It smelled so sweet that I had to look away, focus on something else.

Everyone else greeted her, asking about how she slept, how she felt. I was inattentive, attempting to make it seem like I hadn’t just been thrown off balance.

I needed to do something, say something to her, to be welcoming. To make it seem like I wasn’t such a dickhead, even though I pretty much was. So, I worked on some phrases in my head, hoping to catch her in a side conversation, so there wasn’t so much tension with the others listening in. But, she walked out of the bar as quickly as she'd come.

I found the air to be cooler without her occupying the space.

I shivered and turned my chin towards that freeze.

-

Later that evening, I found myself on the hotel roof.

It was one of my favorite spots, no matter which city we were passing through, which state I found myself to be stuck in. I could go up to the highest floor, even if it wasn’t too far off of the ground, tune out the stress that came with work, and relax into the peace and quiet.

It was one of the healthier coping mechanisms my therapist and I had been working on. I was an antisocial person, to say the least. And when I’d had to be around others for too long, working literal overtime to just function like a normal person, I’d become irritable, withdrawn.

So, stalking off in the late hours of the evening with a book in my hand and some lyrics in my head became a usual, practiced ritual that I was comforted by, especially on tours.

The breeze of London flew past my face, braising goosebumps on my neck. I tucked my chin into my hoodie more. There were these tiki lights, all around me and the intimate seating area I occupied, but the little bits of light did nothing to help me see the book in my hands.

I tucked it away after straining for a few moments and settled on just resonating with myself for a bit. I watched the flames of the fire pit before me, listened to it crackle and pop. I was so focused on the peacefulness, that I hadn’t even noticed the elevator ding, nor the person scuffling across the concrete of the roof.

In fact, I didn’t even notice her until she was sitting across from me, these little alcohol bottles in her hands. The movement of her sitting before me flitted my gaze up, edges of my vision blurred slightly from the intensity of the flames. My hearing focused after. There was music streaming from the speakers on her phone, some Taylor Swift song I didn't recognize. I withheld the urge to roll my eyes and studied her movements.

She read the label on the mini shot of Jack Daniels with squinted eyes. I'd never seen someone pay so much attention to a simple liquor Maybe she'd never drank it before. That would be a strange fact, considering she was 23. Every 23 year old I knew had gone through every liquor known to man. Then, she drank it and I realized why she was so observant. Her face turned up in this grimace, lips puckered, brows furrowed. She just couldn't handle her liquor. Her examination of the bottle was really just a hesitance to consume it in the first place.

I stifled a laugh and instead found my words, urged to tease her for this occurrence, "Gonna share?' Maybe I should have intruded her peace more gently, or maybe I should have said something sooner than I did. Either way, I had spooked her enough that she jumped.

Her once shocked grimace twisted into a deep frown, like she was annoyed I had disturbed her. "How long have you been sitting there?"

My grin widened, though it didn't seem like she found much humor in the situation. "Long enough to know you can't take a shot." I held out my hand, awaiting her to hand over one of the bottles. She didn't do that Instead, her face hardened a bit and she made another comment, “Sorry I’m not an alcoholic. If you want one, you have to come get it, by the way. I’m comfy now.”

I was taken back by her crudeness. Everyone said she was so kind, so sweet. I'd even overheard her niceties earlier, at the airport, at the bar. Had I done something?

Instead of setting the record straight, communicating, though, I became defensive to her jabs. As I reached for one of the bottles, I said, "Comfy with this trash music playing?"

Funnily enough, this made her face sink more, if at all possible. Her frown was deep as a river, and murky as one, too, "Real men listen to Taylor Swift."

I tried another joke, hoping it would salvage the wreckage we were feeding, "Hey, haven't you heard? I'm a vessel, not a man?"

I don't know if it did, but she at least continued speaking to me. "So, vessel, what are you doing up here? Can't sleep?"

I tossed my hand in her direction, speaking with my casual satire, "Obviously." I looked away from her, breathless. I was trying so hard, so incredibly hard to seem careless, chill. I didn’t know why I couldn’t just, actually, genuinely not give a fuck.

I reached for my cigarettes, too stressed out to handle a head that was some sober from nicotine. After a long drag, I felt that familiar buzz of a clear head, the temporary reduction of anxiety.

Cigarettes were always a killer ice breaker, helpful in even the toughest, most awkward conversations. So, when my eyes popped back open and met hers, I offered a hit.

If her face had been disgusted before, it was even more so now. "That's okay, thanks," she almost sneered.

I pursed my lips. Okay, I wasn't the only one killing this conversation. She acted like she was just too good for anything that I had to do with. Like if she were to take a drag from this cigarette, she'd be infected with my sickness.

I voiced the concern with my snide tone again. Her response nearly made me choke on my own spit, “More like my mom died of lung cancer because she smoked for thirty years.”

As quick as possible, I stomped the butt into the ground. "Sorry."

She hummed some sort of response, looking away so uncomfortably. I wanted to grovel, to beg for her forgiveness in the case of such a small moment of misunderstanding, but I settled on another painful jab at a nice conversation.

“I’d ask what you’re doing up, but I figured you wouldn’t be able to sleep after the day you had.” She responded in that same dry tone, "Yeah, no."

Annoyed, I began to wonder where all this sweetness had gone. Earlier, with the guys, she had spoken like she'd known them for forever. Here, with me- she acted like I'd spit in her coffee this morning, like I was holding her at gun point just to have this conversation.

I gave up on trying to be overly considerate and shot straight to the point. I wanted answers anyways, and now I had a good reason to search for them, "What's your deal, Daisy?"

"What the fuck does that mean?" She responded.

I shrugged as I crossed my arms over my chest. What did she want it to mean? "Why are you here?" Instead of just answering the question, she countered me, echoing the question. Good fucking game, Daisy Hallett. Good fucking game.

I stretched my body out as I thought, unsure of how to answer. What was I here for? To do my job, obviously. So, I told her that. But, I should have known she would pry deeper. That were her job, after all, to observe, analyze, pry.

“That’s not what you’re here for,” She rejected my words, shaking her head just slightly, “That’s what everyone else is here for. What about you, Oliver?”

I started making music for myself, not anyone else. In the darkest, most terrible parts of my life, it had gotten me through to the other side with ease. It was my biggest coping skill, sitting at a clear number one on the list my therapist and I had outlined.

Getting paid for it, getting to tour and travel cities…that was all a plus. Touring, performing itself, were two things I was still trying to get used to. It was awesome to get to play my music life for others, to help them through to the other side, but it was sometimes…overwhelming, a hard pill to swallow.

So, I answered honestly this time, “To…worship. To celebrate my music, myself…life.”

She was impressed by this answer, pleased, and I could tell this by the stretch of her lips. That sweet, enticing smile did something to me.

As she held up the shot bottle in a gesture to cheers, I returned the smirk. We danced on the edge of some invisible line.

"To life."

I wanted to hear more of her voice, more of...her, more about her. So, I scrambled and said, "Wait, what about you?"

“There’s no deeper meaning to anything I do,” she waved me off.

I understood her more in this moment than I sometimes understood the people closest to me. She was like- she was insecure, she was scared. She was a little kid with monsters under her bed and in her closet.

So, I affirmed her existence with words that seemed so simple, yet would have meant so much for me to hear, too. “Oh, Daisy, there’s always deeper meaning to everything humans do. Think. What’s yours?”

This threw her off balance, yet somehow kept her from falling off the edge. It made the gears in her head turn, made her question her own thoughts. "I guess…I guess…to find that deeper meaning. To find what I’m looking for, maybe.”

She still didn't seem too sure, but I knew that, once this summer ended, once the leaves turned brown, and she returned back to a place called home, she would know it in her bones.

And I think, maybe, I might know it, too.

Sooner, rather than the later that I hoped for, we were in the elevator. Hours of breathless conversation sat, stale in the air on the roof, abandoned as the steel doors trapped us in silence.

The more she told me, the more terrified I was of her very existence. She was smarter than me, and very good at returning snide comments. Her wit was so profoundly intelligent, that I found myself silenced on more than one occasion.

Above all this- she was a disruption- she was chaos. She made me think differently, harder. She made me laugh.

I was drawn in by all of this, by her eyes, by the way the corners of her pink lips curled up into her cheeks. It took me a second to realize that she was staring back up at me, that our shoulders were turning to face one another, that my fingers were grazing the sleeve of her hoodie.

"You're very pretty, Daisy," the words fell out in a dangerous whisper. I loved the way she blushed, the way the tip of her nose scrunched, and she fell back onto her heels a bit.

I would have kissed her, I knew that for sure, had the elevator doors not opened up, had we not parted ways there, in the barren hallways. And I would have sought her out, would have reached for a simple phone number, another moment on the roof, another conversation about life and college and her favorite fucking color...

had I not made it back to my room and looked myself in the eye, through the smudged reflection of the bathroom mirror. The painful eye contact brought me back down to Earth, reminded me of the ugliness swirled up inside my chest, the bitter desire of my own self interest, selfishness.

I was...I was the chaos. I was the disruption. Here was this beautiful, interesting, smart girl...and here was me, this man-giant, who could barely hold a conversation without feeling like he was going to have a panic attack. Besides all that, her brother was my fucking best friend. I was his boss.

This was territory that I could not enter, not without a guilty conscience and someone's broken heart. So, I would proceed with caution, although it ended up making me seem like the worst person in the world.

-

I knew I could no longer keep up the act only a few weeks in, all thanks to Whitney Houston and this stupid pink fucking dress.

I watched her parade herself all night, guzzling drinks like they were air, batting her stupidly prim and perfect eyelashes my way. She knew exactly how to get me going- how to lock me in, most of all. And I was playing right into the fucking game, weak signs and Achilles heels all exposed from the second that she stepped out of that hotel room.

When I saw that knowing, vivacious smirk- I knew tonight would be different.

It wasn't until she was passed out, in my bed, with my hoodie on, that I realized I was falling for her. I had been able to subside the hunger that I felt, the hunger I felt to speak to her, to consume her with my eyes, my teeth, my hands, my body- God. It was easy to push all these thoughts away when she wasn't there- but then, she'd show up at breakfast or dinner or in my dreams and thoughts and desperations and I'd spiral again.

It didn't help that I was letting it get to me so much- and she was literally trained in analyzing behavior. I exposed my curiosities with even the slightest dip in my gaze or lift in my shoulders. There was a moment, during breakfast, when she told us of her plans for the evening of one our first shows- that she wasn't coming to.

Max had to go and make a stupid joke when I just barly glanced up from my plate, "Even Ollie's hurt!" I stopped coming to so many social gatherings, at least where she was concerned. And, then, I got all the space I needed when we took off on the buses.

Everyone flocked to her side, wanting even a second of her attention, while I kept to myself on the other bus. Because I thought the guys might leave me alone about it, I could almost reside in absolute peace.

But, then, Ronnie came knocking on my bunk.

It was early morning. We were stopped for gas, somewhere in Northern Italy. The bus was deadly silent, with nothing but my own quiet breath and the hum of the outside world to keep e company. Ronnie came in, bounding, like she always did. She slammed the bus door shut, jarring me from the focus I'd had on the game of Mario Kart pulled up on my Switch. Next thing I knew, she was ripping open the curtain to my bunk.

"Why the fuck are you rotting in here like a mummy? I'm close to wrapping you up in toilet paper and shoving you in with the suitcases!"

I rolled my eyes as she spoke and slouched my shoulders away. The hood of my sweatshirt dipped enough that she was no longer in my view. "Sam needs to stop gassing up your jokes. It's getting to your head."

"You're literally just jealous because your jokes are only ever mean and borderline tone-deaf," Ronnie grabbed the lip of my hood and tugged it down over my face.

I wriggled away from her, Switch dropping towards the inside of the bunk. I shoved her hands away. "Says you, Miss Jimmy Carr."

Ronnie's jaw jutted open a bit, "Now that's fucked, Ollie."

I went to jab back again, but she held up a hand, head tilted like she was a tired, annoyed mother of a band of men babies. "Stop while you're ahead, dude. Back to what I came in to harass you about- you need to come join us! We're playing Mario Kart with peaches- Daisy, sorry. You guys would get along sooo great. I know you're, like, weird about new people, but she's so fucking funny. Please, please just come over, hang out, be chill for once in your life."

Peaches. They had given her a nickname. Peaches, as if she weren't already sweet enough to sour the cuts on my skin.

I huffed and puffed at the rant as I pulled my hood down the back of my head. "First of all, I don't play Mario Kart-"

"I literally hear the music coming from your Switch," Ronnie pointed with a dead stare at the device, muffled humming rumbling from beneath my blanket.

I met her eye, absent any shame of my white lie. I took a breath and dove back into my rejection, "Second of all, why the hell do you guys give out the cringiest, most ridiculous nicknames? Like, peaches?What even is that?"

"It's called joy, magic, and fun, you grinch," Ronnie pinched my elbow. I flinched away from her touch again and she snickered. "If you don't like Daisy, just say so. I won't tell anybody. I'll just resent and judge you in silence- silent words, not punches."

What did she mean, that I didn't like Daisy? I knew I'd been passive towards her, but I never made it so obvious-

The expression on my face must have read confusion or shock because Ronnie popped a hip and crossed her arms.

"Listen," she added, "I know that she probably irks you. I get it. You're the bad boy, dark soul type and she's this ray of fucking sunshine and, yes, peaches. Just- give her a chance before you rain all over her parade."

"I literally never said I had a fucking problem with her. Why does everyone think I hate her guts when I've literally only ever had one conversation with her?" I frustratedly spoke, words rushed together. Ronnie stood back a second, reading the scrunch of my brows, the way I pushed myself up onto my elbows. Then, her offended frown morphed into something knowing, as though bits of information clicked in her head.

"Oh," she rhythmed, grinning now, "I see what's going on here. Hey, she's gorgeous.” "Oh, my God, here we go," I stood from my bunk, now, unwilling to just lay there and listen to her try to evaluate my behavior.

Ronne didn't follow me as I made my way to the back room, "Ollie...just remember who you are. And who she is."

And this sentence alone threw me for the biggest loop.

I didn't even know what she meant by that, but as well I knew Ronnie...it was definitely more than met the eye, deeper than any surface level warning anybody else could give. Not only did I know Ronnie well, but she could read me like a book. She knew what to say to make my skin crawl. Who I am...who Daisy is.

Analyzing the statement from top to bottom, general to specific, it was simple. She was my best friend’s brother. And I was his boss.

It meant more than that, though.

Ronnie meant that Daisy…Daisy was delicate. Daisy was meat, fresh off a shattered bone, and I was a hound.

I was always the hound. The Albatross, even. A winged creature always coming in to swipe shiny things off of stormy shores.

Ronnie didn’t want to harm me with the statement, but she sure as hell wanted to humble me. And that she did.

Each time I found myself aching to find Daisy’s gaze, I’d shrink back into myself. Remember my place. Remember who I was.

And, then…that damn Whitney Houston song. That damn pink dress.

Ronnie knew I was slipping, when I first spotted Daisy, in the doorway of her hotel room, long legs on display. I caught my lips beginning to party, drool beginning to pool in my teeth. This appreciative smirk came upon my face until I met Ronnie’s frown.

And I moved on.

I kept trying to move on, to fly away, leave the gold necklace on the beach for some other lucky, hopeless idiot to clean the sand off of, treasure for the rest of their sorry days.

I paid for her meal, as some sort of reparation for the damage I must’ve done all evening, being the hungry being I was while she toyed with the lock on my cage.

But, I just couldn’t . Especially not when she was running from the bar, sickness visible on her face. I could’ve left it where it was- Max was shuffling after her, ready to help, ready to hold her hair up.

Before I knew it, my feet were racing me out of the door, my hand was on Max’s shoulder, a kind smile was reassuring him that I could handle it, that he could go back to having fun.

My hands were in her hair, my neck was cradling the crown of her head, she was reaching for my wallet, letting us into the hotel room, laying down on my bed. I was giving her my hoodie, placing a bandage on her leg, caressing her fruity skin.

And then…just like that, as quickly as the rain began, like when you can see it in sheets, pounding into the Earth, just there, off in the distance…then it’s splattering on your windshield, the sound jarring you from your tired drive, the blur harming your vision of the road.

It was raining in my hotel room.

I didn’t have an umbrella.

I spent the entire night, laying there on the bed beside her, faced away, tensed up. Every breath she took stopped my heart. Every wrinkle from the white sheets made my eyes blink.

I was spending so much of my thought process trying to remember the taste of her fleeting lips on my own, pressing my fingers to them as though they were stained from her, as though I could close my eyes and taste them, again and again and again.

Then, in the morning, she returned my hoodie. There was this…look…this distant, worried look. Had she remembered? Had she remembered the words I said? Was this going to change anything? Everything? At breakfast, I ignored her persistent eyes, the gaze burning into my soul for answers. When she told us she couldn’t remember anything, I was little relieved.

If she didn’t remember, I could put distance between us, try to forget it myself- try to forget the way her fingers buried themselves into my hair. Try to forget the feel of her nose, pressed into my cheek, her chest, warm against my own.

While I was able to put physical distance between us this week, being that work kept us busy. But, the mental, emotional yards were harder to climb.

Once we made it through the airport, to Italy, I began my practice of celibacy, against the thoughts of her, against us.

I think part of me knew it wouldn’t last. I think part of me didn’t want it to. I think that’s why I was there- in the elevator, headed for the roof, in hopes that I might find her there. I didn’t even know if it was a place she frequented, but my intuition told me it was a good place to look.

And I was right.

I acted shocked when I first saw her, like it didn’t help my blood pump, seeing her, feet in the water, hair curling around her forehead.

She looked so…tense. Stressed. There was this permanent furrow in her brow. Did she really not remember…anything? At all?

Though it was a relief, I wanted to jog her memory (I wanted to kiss her).

I asked Daisy, barely glancing over at her in the seat beside me. From the corner of my eye, I watched her chew upon on her bottom lip, “Not really.”

Why did it feel like a lie?

She must’ve remembered something. Sure, she had been drinking, but…she was smarter than that. “Okay,” I choked, snatching another look at her.

I noticed Daisy turn her chin to return the gaze and I looked back at the city. I couldn’t look into her eyes, look at her face. I’d crumble.

“Is there something I should be remembering?”

It was timid, shy. But bold.

Bolder than I could bring myself to be right now.

Unable to find my own words, unable to form my own lie, I echoed her.

“Okay,” she copied.

The moment swelled in my mind. I wanted- needed her to remember. I wanted her to feel the ache in my bones at the thought of our lips pressed together. Wanted her to feel the longing Maybe then, she’d be the one to break, and I could blame it on her. Make her out to be the bad guy, going after me.

What a fucked up thing to think about.

Before I could catch myself, I blurted, “You don’t remember-“

At the same time, she went to push further on the topic.

I excused myself, motioned for her to continue. But, of course, she let me go instead.

“You don’t remember coming back to the hotel?”

I knew I was confusing her.

“Not really. you’re sure there’s nothing you want to tell me? Something important I should be remembering?” her knuckles, clasped together, were turning white.

I shrugged and pretended to be unaware, “I don’t think so.”

“Why did you tell me to come sit with you?”

She really knew how to make a guy question his own thought patterns. It would make her a really great therapist- but it just made me want to run.

To hide. To slip away from this disruption in my damaged peace.

I sighed, thoughtful, though still unsure, “I don’t know. Thought it would be nice. Like when we were in London-“

“Like when we were in London and you proceeded to pretend like we never did this? Like when we were in London and you kept interrupting me, so I couldn’t tell everyone we had been up on the roof together?”

So, she was pissed.

I knew she would be. She acted like she didn’t care, but I saw through the disguise. It reminded me of me.

I shrugged, putting on the same play, “Like that.”

I guess that was the comment that sent her off the edge, though. She was too guarded, too respectful of herself to take the bullshit I pushed. “I’m gonna go to bed.”

That wasn’t it for me. I needed to know what she knew. She obviously remembered more than she was letting on.

I slid into the elevator behind her, “Daisy-“

I swear to God, the rhythm of her breathing palpitated when I said her name-

“I need you to be honest with me. What do you remember?”

“Oh, cause you’re such a conscientious person yourself?”

I pulled at my hair, stressfully, “I really don’t think we’re on the same page right now, Daisy. Please, if we could just talk about this, if you could just tell me what you remember-“

Gears seemed to click in her brain. Something I said, the way I moved, the flash of the stars in her eyes, something had triggered a memory in her head. Something suddenly made sense.

I tried to help, though I was probably just being an asshole. “I want to figure this out, okay?”

I wanted to figure her out.

Whatever clicked was- it fucked things up.

“Oliver,” she frowned, “I can’t play this game with you.”

Game?

What game?

I was only ever playing defense- keeping to myself, keeping her away from my heart, trying to maintain distance. She had kissed me- I was the one to turn her away.

My shoulders fell, “What game? Daisy…I’m confused!”

“So am I, Oliver!”

Fuck. The way she said my name-

“I’m- you’re fucking with my head!”

Like she wasn’t fucking with mine?!

I went back to my original question, hoping to continue digging there, instead of worrying about this new hole she was unburying, “What do you remember?”

“It doesn’t matter, Oliver! I just don’t want to do this with you. Max is right. I should listen to him.” What the fuck did Max say? Why was he involving himself in this? How did he even know about- us- when we didn’t even- what?

What was happening?

“I’m not doing this with you.”

The doors opened, and she was leaving me. In her dust. In the swell of her words.

I retreated back to my room, throat tight, chest contracting for any gulp breath I could get. I fell back against the door like there were bullet holes bleeding out of my chest. I wanted to just...be honest. To be honest with her. Tell her what I really thought, what really happened, how I felt about her.

It wasn't the boundaries holding me back now. All my senses of morality and respect for our situation were dead. It was me. I was the iceberg. I was the gun.

I found my way to the bed, lay there like an empty casket. Dead, hollow, shards of wood. Why was I so afraid of her?

Maybe she'd be good for me...better than the last relationship I had, that much I could already tell. But, maybe she didn't want me for that.

Maybe she wanted to scalp me for my money, for my fame, dish out the gossip to the tabloids. Maybe she wanted to love me.

Maybe I deserved something good. Maybe I deserved to take a risk on something. Maybe I needed to. I was outside her door, before I was really conscious to my own movements, knocking, waiting. For barely a second.

She was opening the door, standing there in this barren light like an angel.

"Daisy."

I was kissing her.

Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed, whatever cruel fate she may prophesize or goodness she may expose to my paled skin- I didn't care.

Because she was kissing me.

-

I hadn’t been with someone for over a year.

That was what was so jarring about the entire situation.

It made me cautious, held me back. I’d been on a dating ban since I switched to my new therapist, who wanted me to focus on myself more than I always did on another person.

And for a while, it was going well.

Until Daisy disrupted that.

I knew, for as long as she was alive, breathing my air, I just could never be alone.

Usually, when I dated someone, when I was with them…I still felt that loneliness because I would give so much. And that person never returned it.

Daisy did, by a tenfold. She was…present. She so easily showed up, made time for me, chased me down when I went into those bouts of self isolation.

It was difficult to let her in…to let her join me in the dark.

But she made it feel less lonely. She made me feel…whole.

I started going to breakfast more often, started including myself in the group activities. Not only did she make me feel less alone, but she made me feel like I needed human connection.

“It’s warm, isn’t it?”

I scoffed at my therapist’s words, so simple for something so complex. “Warm. It’s hot. I feel like I’m on fire.”

“Good. Burn,” she responded. “You’re in the light now, Oliver. How do you feel about it?”

“Wow, what a question,” I teased.

Dr. Grime sighed heavily, crossing her arms over her chest. The movement was delayed, due to the time zone different, the laggy wifi in the hotel room. “Seriously, Oliver. Is it…do you feel like you want to snuff it out?”

“Of course I do,” I shuffled on my bed, “you know me. Something good comes and I feel like I don’t deserve it. But…I think it might be okay if I hang around in this for a while.”

“I think so, too,” she smiled. “I like how your language has changed, too. You’d tell me, ‘I don’t deserve this.” Now you say, you feel like you don’t deserve it. You’re recognizing rational thoughts from emotional ones. That’s very important. I’m proud of you.”

I offered a strained smile in response, uncomfortable with her praise. It was appreciated, though, and gave me body a sense of accomplishment.

Maybe I was getting better.

“So, this Daisy,” she leaned forward, more intrigued with the personal aspect of my love life, like some maternal figure.

I chuckled, shaking my head approvingly, “Daisy.”

“Do you…love her?” Dr. Grime poked.

I blushed, deeply, but quickly shoved the thought away, “Oh, no. No way. I…I barely know her. That’s- that’s crazy. Definitely not. No.”

My phone dinged in rhythm with the end of my sentence. It was her.

Daisy: soon as sam goes to bed, i can be over

My eyes lingered on the text, more concerned with this situation now than the accusatory, knowing tone of my therapist’s words.

“Mm,” she paused, “no, of course. So, is this just…a casual summer fling for you? A way to get over everything this, figure out what it is you want out of a relationship? It’s important to have something like this, a stable ground to work up off of for the future, considering you don’t have a great idea as to what love should be like.”

“Maybe,” I shrugged, toying with my phone. I stared at the message, reading and rereading the message again and again.

What…was this.

What was this to me?

What was this…to her?

We’d established some boundaries, mostly that I couldn’t really commit to anything to serious. And she said that had been okay.

Was I still okay with that?

Was that still what I wanted?

I was so obviously falling in love with her, but I would never tell anybody that.

Especially not her.

But it didn’t matter if I loved her- did I want her that way? Did I want this to last past the summer?

I did.

And that’s what scared me the most.

Loving her beyond the swept up dream we were caught in, back home, domestically. Loving her casually, routinely, in the kitchen back in my apartment, through school, sharing plants and bath towels.

I wanted that.

I wanted her…her ends and odds.

I lied, “No. I don’t want that right now. Got tour going on, new album soon. You know. Busy.”

Long after therapy ended, I stared at the message. The sun had set, the day had died…and I just couldn’t think of anything to say.

I think if I were to be around her right now, I might blurt out some passionate, mindless thing that I couldn’t bring us back from.

I needed to do…what I always did. Be alone. Ruminate in my thoughts in the darkness of a foreign hotel room in a strange city. All alone.

This felt…easier. Comfortable. What I was good at.

Yeah…this was easier.

The next day, I couldn’t stay from her any longer.

I needed her and she was needed that, too- however we could get each other.

So I pushed aside the feelings I had for her- put up all my walls and boundaries, and took her into my arms-

We would have this summer, even if it killed us.

–

"Hiya, Ollie, dear!"

My mother's voice was a sweet symphonic sound to my tired ears. We were in near opposite time zones, hundreds of miles apart, and I missed her more than anything. Touring usually took everything out of me and she was the one, separate, stable person I could turn to.

We'd only called once or twice the past few months due to my obsessed perversions with a certain best friend's sibling who had been taking up all of my time- not that I was complaining about who.

It was only recently that my mom and I had established such good rapport. Since I was young, she'd struggled to wrap her head around my career choices. Now that I was fully devoted to the act, and quite successful, she pushed aside her disagreement with it and chose to just keep supporting me.

Though I couldn't always answer, her calls were welcome.

"Hi, mum," I sat up in the hotel bed, my back sighing in gratitude at the change in posiiton. i had been rotting in here for a few hours, a little bored since Daisy was out with her friend. I could've went and hung with the guys, but I honestly needed some time to myself. That time was starting to really feel like loneliness, though. I guess before I met Daisy, they were empty hours full of empty feelings. Now, I was waking up to the reality of my existence. I'd made it so dull.

"Are you in Paris yet? Or are you still travelling?"

"We made it a few days ago," I replied. “Show’s tomorrow."

"Oh, I love Paris," she remarked. I could hear her lovely grin through the tone of her words. "I remember when we went there on a school holiday. My favorite part was the Eiffel Tower. It's so big. Now, I hear that it sparkles. You'll have to take a photo for me."

"Sure, mum."

"Have you gotten out much or are you holing up in your hotel room?"

Sheepishly, I scratched my neck. My response was delayed a bit; we both knew the answer. “Uh...I’m getting out there. Ya know, hanging out.”

“Ugh, Ollie,” I could nearly hear the roll of her eyes through the phone. “You know need a lady friend. Someone to drag you out of your bed. I mean, how many times do you get to see Paris. And get paid for it!”

At the mention of a ‘lady friend,’ I blushed. I hadn’t gotten a chance to tell her about Daisy, and damn did I want to. Though we weren’t even officially together. I didn’t know how to explain that to my mom, so maybe I’d just shy away from the topic, talk about something else.

But I guess my lapse of silent thinking made her think that there already was a lady friend.

“Oh?” she questioned with a cheerful lace to her tone. I didn’t say anything, my brain was unable to come up with anything in response. Acting defensive always made people think the opposite of what I said. Should I just tell her? Get it out of the way? Let her lecture me about my poor choices.

“Well, I won’t badger you. When you're ready,” she was already responding.

I was surprised that she was going to leave it there, to say the least, which only furthered my sentence. She usually pushed until I gave her some semblance of the truth. As she was getting older, I’d realized she gotten more relaxed and didn’t push as much as she used to. I think it was partially due to the guilt she felt for everything between us growing up.

So, I just went to move the subject along when she jumped back on it, “Just- please don’t tell me it’s that Fiona girl. I’m so sorry if it is. I just can’t sit around and watch you be treated so poorly by someone so...so awful. Again. Her personality is just- wow. Though, I shouldn’t be surprised. I went to school with her mum, and she was awful towards me. Apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree-”

I had to stop her while she was ahead. I guess some things never really, truly changed. "Mum, please! I’m not seeing Fiona again, I promise. I’m not...”

I wasn’t offended that she thought I was. It was just...more or so shocking. Shocking that she thought I’d put myself back in that. I had, a handful of times before. But...I was different now.

I guess she hadn't been around me these past few months, but I had truly changed. This past May’s Oliver very well could’ve let Fiona waltz back into his life. But July’s Oliver? He would’ve been hesitant.

And, even more so- Daisy’s Oliver...Daisy’s Oliver was a changing man. Daisy’s Oliver was a better man.

And I wanted to tell my mum that, I decided. She needed to know- it would ease her mind, along with my own. I know she was always worried for me. So, I told her-

“No, I’m seeing someone else. Her name...her name’s Daisy,” that felt good to admit, to put into the Universe, that I was seeing her, and she was seeing me, even if there were no labels attached.

“Daisy?” she perked up at the name. “That’s a pretty name. What’s she look like? You got any pictures you can text me?”

I realized quickly that I didn’t. In the near two months that we had been sleeping together, consuming one another’s souls, we hadn’t taken a single picture. It was probably for the best, just in case they somehow fell into the wrong hands. But- there were so many moments I could’ve- should’ve- captured. Moments of Daisy, hair whipping past her face on the roof, the lights of Italy glowing behind her like she had angelic wings. Daisy, in my hotel room, in the early morning before she had to sneak away. Tired eyes and an even more exhausted smile as she laughed at something stupid, I’d done in my sleep.

I wanted one. I wanted a picture of her, a picture of us, whatever I could get.

For now, all I had was my memories to help me describe her to my mum. It was easy to do so, considering she was etched into the very nerves in my mind.

“No, I don’t,” I breathed out, “but she’s beautiful. She’s got this-this- God, I can’t even describe her to you. Her hair’s darker, like yours. She’s got these brown eyes. Shorter than me, of course. You can always tell it’s her, though, just by the way she carries herself. She’s got this energy. You’d just have to see it to believe it.”

“She sounds amazing, Ollie,” she sighed distantly then giggled, “Well, if she’s so pretty, where are the pictures? I need to see her! Need to see what this talk is all about.”

I chuckled in response, “I know, I know. I suck.”

“It’s alright. I’m sure it’s difficult, with you on tour and her...what does she do, exactly? Where is she from? Would I know her?”

Here came the long winded, shameful explanation of everything between Daisy and me. The feelings that weren’t feelings, the girl who wasn’t mine, the upset sea tumultuous between us. Her brother. Sam.

I tried my best, “Well, she’s working towards her counseling license. So, she goes back to school in the fall. But right now, she’s on tour with us. Her brother works- um...Sam’s her brother. She just wanted to do some traveling before getting tied down for the next few years.”

“Sam? Sam Hatlett? She's his little sister?” There was a bit of shock in her tone now like I imagined there would be. Sam was like a brother to me, and mum knew that. In fact, she loved Sam. She always had.

When she first met him, she’d pulled him under her wing like a mother bird, like she could just feel that he needed her. So, to imagine that I might go after his little sister is rightfully shocking. It was close to home.

“I know, I know. Again, I suck,” I laughed, though I felt so tense. Rubbing my neck didn’t ease the tension in my skin.

“You don't suck, darling. It’s just a precarious situation, I’m sure. How does Sam feel about it all? Was he weird when you first started dating Daisy?”

When I first began to tell my mum about Daisy, I doubted whether or not I wanted to be completely honest. But I easily fell into the comfortability of her warm conversation and realized I could not bend the truth. Not only did she deserve to know it, but she needed to. I knew, too, that she wasn’t going to judge me, tell me I was making a bad decision. It took three times with Fiona for her to begin voicing her opinion.

Above all, I didn't need to jump through any hoops to win her approval. I didn’t have to play a role, fill a part. I was me. And she loved that man.

I realized, subconsciously, that this was how I felt about Daisy, too. Comfortable. Easy.

Loved.

I explained things to my mom, carefully, making sure she knew of the endless boundaries Daisy always ensured we had and the sweet, delicate moments that made everything worth it. I nearly fell into myself, swept up in the reminiscent beauty of it all. God, I missed her, even if it had been only two days since I’d seen her. Her friend Sasha was in town and took up all her time.

I didn’t know what I was expecting my mom to say, so I held my breath after I finished saying, “But, I don’t know. I don’t know if it’s just a summer thing or what. We’re both kinda in weird positions, so we’re not too worried about that, I guess. We’re just...having fun, ya know?”

As the insecurity rose up my throat and choked me out, I sighed out the rest of the air I had in me and added, “We’re not, like, in love or anything.”

I hadn’t expected her to laugh, that’s for sure.

But she laughed. My mum giggled, like things were well and truly hilarious, like I had just told her a joke. I waited there in silence, waiting for her to make fun of me for being so stupid as to let this situation occur. Laugh at me for being terrible at love and life. There goes Oliver again, breaking hearts, getting his heart broken. He can’t even be in a stable relationship! Laugh, laugh, laugh.

She said, “You are crazy, Ollie,” but it wasn’t meant in a harsh manner.

It wasn’t condescending, it wasn’t mean. She wasn’t making fun of me. She was...she was laughing because it was funny.

“You are usually so good at going after things. I mean, look at you with your music, darling. I said no, how many times? I insisted you do something, anything else. I never supported you financially. I never...I never supported you. I was the odds you were testing yourself against and looking at you now! I mean,” her voice cracked. A sniffle followed. My muscles eased from the discomfort I felt into something that wanted to reach for her through the phone, hug her.

“I know your father and I didn’t give you the best example for love. I know we weren’t some movie star-couple that everyone always knew would last forever. We fought. We weren’t there for you when we should have been. Your father left you. And then I held all these stupid expectations up to you, to try to make you better. And you! You’re successful!”

“And I give you all the credit for that. You are...my pride and joy, Ollie. My life. I am so proud of you, darling. But it breaks my heart, still, that you have not been able to find happiness. That you must spend so much time repairing what I broke. We cannot blame everybody else- you can...you can blame me, Ollie. I know I am to blame. And that is okay.”

“So, forgive me for laughing, forgive me for calling you crazy and stupid and wild, darling, but- it's right in front of your face, Ollie! She’s right there in front of you. Daisy. Darling, if you’re still questioning what love is, what it’s supposed to feel like...please let me knock some sense into you! You are wasting so much precious time on believing that it can only leave. It doesn’t have to stay for long for it to be important. If she leaves at the end of the summer, you will regret not telling her.”

I didn’t have to ask her what she meant; what she knew I’d regret not saying. I knew it, I knew it as well as I knew Daisy’s face, even more clear in my memory now.

“You can beat around the bush some more if you’d like, or you can carry on with this facade you’re so deeply transfixed by. Darling, I know it’s hard to let the chaos subside, to let the goodness in, but as I am getting older, I am realizing that it is bright. It is...comfortable. It is good. You deserve to have a lifetime of that. Don’t waste any more time, Ollie. Please tell her, please let her tell you. Please just...hold what you have.”

I had borne a hole into the wall, but snapped out of my still position when I felt a tear roll down the side of my nose. “H-how? How do I tell her?”

“However you need to,” she chuckled lightly. “Although, here’s a hint, Ollie: you are in the City of Love. Take advantage.”

I knew our call was ending and didn’t know when we’d get to speak again. So, like she had told, I took advantage of the moment and I held what I had; “Mum, just so you know,” my voice came out as a whisper, a gentle patter of rain on the roof.

“Yes, Ollie?” she whispered, too, like there was a gentle card deck stacked between us. I think maybe there was- I think there was always some sort of tension lingering from the harsh moments we’d beat into each other; the fighting, the leaving, the crying. I don’t think she ever felt like I’d forgiven her, as if I really needed to. She had been growing up, too, after all.

“I love you, you know that?”

“I know, baby,” I felt relieved that there was a smile in her tone, “now, go. You have some more dreams to chase down. And, Ollie?” “Yeah?”

“Get some pictures for me.”

-

I was lucky that, the next day, everyone was busy with their own plans on opposite sides of the city. So Daisy and I were able to spend some time together, outside of this drywall prison. I was a pretty good listener, too, and remembered all the spots Daisy had gushed about seeing in the little time we’d had together these past few weeks. I was being given the perfect setup to do what I needed to do: we were going to be alone, in the most romantic city on planet Earth. I could finally tell her how I felt.

Of course, so much of me shook with anxiety. What if- she didn’t feel the same way? She didn’t want to risk it? She didn’t want to commit to someone this close to school? Let alone someone who lived across the world from her? These weren't my only fears. There were so many revolving around my career that I could’ve drowned beneath their weight.

Yet, each time I looked at her, I was anchored to her shoes. I couldn’t drift out to sea. I was grounded. Though my fears about how she would react sank, it took another amount of effort to get the words out.

I could’ve done it right away, gotten it out there, cleared the air, so we could enjoy each other even more. That would’ve been the best way: I would've gotten answers, started the day out on the right foot. But, when we got out onto the streets, I was swept up in the busy buzz of the crowds. It was loud in the cafe we grabbed breakfast at, loud on the sidewalks, overly crowded by the river. We finally found a place to sit, breakfast sandwiches and drinks in hand. Though there were still throngs of people all around us. So what good was the City of Love when it was full of ignorant tourists?

The anxiety of what I wanted to do was making me feel grumpy. I shut down a little bit, unable to really engage in much conversation, let alone tell her how I felt. I think it just looked like exhaustion to Daisy, so she didn’t really notice. I did- I was hyperaware of every short sentence, every avoided gaze. All of these people are going to be standing here when I tell her. They’re going to watch her reject me and they’re going to know. They're going to know I’m not good enough. She’s going to walk away from me, leave me stranded in the park, alone with my own rejection and denial. I’m not good enough I’m not good enough.

I thought about what my therapist would tell me, ways to snap myself out of this maladaptive pattern of behavior. My brain lies, she always said. It makes things up, creates false realities based off things others have said to me, or moments of true insecurity rooted in no sense of truth.

Daisy would want me, even if I wasn’t good enough. That was the one assurance I could tell myself to shake off the weary thoughts.

And if she didn’t- well, I don’t think thinking about that was going to help me very much. So, when we got back into the hustle and bustle, shopping around the city, visiting the sights, I opened myself back up.

I didn't know if I’d ever find the confidence. I was on the precipice again, after lunch, when I began spewing cheesy pet names as a sublimation for the words I needed to say. It shocked her at first, hearing such sweet things coming from me. And that stung a little. Was I that monstrous towards her that simple affections made her brows shoot up? Was I that bad? I repeated them once, twice, just so she really knew I meant it.

The day went on and on and I cowered in on myself even more. There were plenty more ample moments, but I just kept letting the clock tick down. I knew we were running out of precious time. If I didn’t tell her now, we would go straight back to secret moments in a hotel room, balancing on a tightrope, pretending like the moment the leaves changed color, we wouldn't be losing each other. I just knew Daisy wanted that about as much as I did.

Just when I was giving up hope, I found my moment, finally. Just after we had stopped to view the Eiffel Tower, some street side scam artist grabbed some pictures of us and was trying to convince me to spend $200 on the copies. At first, I brushed it off, until I caught a small peak at the images on his camera. Before he could spout another line, I was giving him $100. He gave me three photos.

Where my words may fail, these pictures couldn’t. You wouldn’t have to know Daisy and I personally to well and truly and see how infatuated we were with each other. I wasn’t even worried anymore that she wouldn’t want me. I was worried she wouldn’t want the risk, the jump, the caution of a fall.

These would be to convince her to leap. These had to be.

I stopped us outside the hotel, knowing if once we stepped inside, our memories might as well be cleared of the day's events. We would be going back to normalcy, to the real world. Our friends would be waiting there, we would allow the gap between us to grow. I would swallow my words and choke on them.

“I love you,” I pictured myself saying. “I love you, I love you, I love you. I love you, I love you in London, you in Paris, you at home. I love you from the hotel rooms we’ve indented to the streets we’ve wandered. I love you in the plane, on the bus, in every inch of this world.”

But it just wouldn’t come out.

I tried to encourage myself by thinking of who I was just a year ago. By thinking of how I was a year ago, the person I was dating, the situation I was caught up in. Fiona, the endless hours of fighting, of begging. Crying, screaming, the blood sport we played. Hunter and prey, me the victim and yet the one wielding the sword. I thought of Daisy when I first met her. The scent of her in my nostrils, like a clue that I was to hunt for as long as I could run. Of her in my teeth, when I first caught up to her incessant running. The satisfaction I felt, how disgusting that was. How horrible it was that I loved the taste of her blood on my lips.

And how much better I could breathe knowing that I had let go, that I had put my claws away and instead threaded a needle to stitch her skin close. How beautful that was- the beast retracting, the mask falling away. A true creature coming to light, renewed and willing.

Tears welled in my eyes. The words were there, finally, waiting just atop my tongue. She was leaning closer, clutching my hand, clutching those photos like a rosary, like she would sacrifice herself for me. I would, too. I would I would I would I would.

I think I hesitated a moment too soon, or I think she could tell what was happening. I think tha- that, I think that she was running again.

I think she wanted me to chase her or to stop, or she was placing traps in the woods, waiting for the wolf with a bow in arrow.

Because she was pulling away. And our friends were calling our names.

I didn’t have time to think, wrapped up in the swell of the arrival of our friends.

But I felt the death of the moment. It was heavy. It was rotten.

Later, I sat alone in my dressing room before the show, the photo I had kept between my fingers. I swear I could hear her breath, echoing from inside the paper frame of us. Swear I could feel her hands on my arms, grasping as though the wind would take us away from each other. Her lips on my cold ones, warm and fueling like a kindled fire.

I wondered if she threw the photos away. If she stared at them, with resentment. If she wanted to burn them.

Yet, I could’ve lived and died in that moment if I had to. If I was never able to tell her how I really felt about her, I’d be content to waste away, hanging on her lips like a vine, rotting from indecision and cowardice.

Eventually, Sam poked his head in to let me know it was time to go on. I flinched when he first spoke. It drew me back to reality in harsh, cold lighting. I drew the photo from my face, met his eye, and nodded.

I was lucky he didn’t ask any questions about my reserved response, though I knew he was aware that I was getting into character as this vessel. Part of me wished he had asked, though, if only to have someone to share the darkness with again, if even for just a second. And maybe outing Daisy and I to Sam would force me to tell her everything. Force some sort of decision to fall from the loitering hammer that hung above us.

Sam left. I set the photo down on the counter, not even thinking straight enough to put it away somewhere. Then, I hung the mask on my face, edges of my eyes darkened, just like my mind.

Part of me wished I didn’t even have to perform tonight. Every time I put on this disguise, I was reminded of those dark parts of me, the parts of me that were too much like this creature the costume made into. When I’d first come up with the character, I felt so strongly that I was just like Vessel- nothing but a pit of black, music transporting through me like some god had planted it there. I hadn’t been aware of my very real feelings. I just sat there, in that emptiness.

Things were different now.

Maybe I just needed a break from it all, from the costumes and the concerts and Daisy. Well, not Daisy. Not her. Just...everything involving her.

But never her. I just wanted her always, everywhere.

I didn’t get to have that, though, the break nor Daisy.

In fact, all I got was a slap in the face. When I went on stage, I spotted Daisy in the audience. For a split second, there was a lift in my heart, a fire in my bones. She was here. She hadn’t pulled away- she wanted me. She wanted me.

Then, as the lights flickered, I noticed the look of guilt on her face and the hand around her waist, She was here...with someone else.

I felt myself retracting, cocooning, not for growth, not for birth into something good, something with fluttering wings...but into that moth. Into that darkness.

Into that vessel.

In my fury, I laid claim to Daisy in all the wrong ways. I held her by the throat and let her dangle from my lips, reminded her how desparate she was for me, reminded her just how much she relied on my game. It had never been and never would be our game. I was the villain. I was the hunter.

She was my prey.

I was losing hope for my own reconciliation, for my own change. Maybe I would just always be detached, dark, monstrous. Maybe I would never be able to commit, to give in, to be someone’s something.

Maybe I was just this vessel, and maybe this vessel was just me.

Maybe I was never good enough for Daisy, but just enough to satisfy her furious need for that bad. And that was enough for me.

-

Things got worse when Fiona started blowing up my phone.

I wasn’t sure how she had gotten my number. I had changed it back in March, when I’d ended- really ended- things with her. And, with my career, it wasn’t like I’d just handed my number out to any person on the street. I had, maybe, ten contacts on my phone.

Daisy was one of the few I responded to.

But, somehow, someway, Fiona had gotten hold of my number and began blowing my phone up with messages. I blocked her the minute I noticed, after a show when I had time to get on my phone. Then, a few days later, she started messaging from a different number.

They were innocent claims- she kept saying I had left things at her flat and needed to come pick them up. But I knew her better than that. She was trying to use this to weasel back into my head, my heart. She’d convince me to come pick everything up and then, when I was there, she’d start crying. Start saying how much she loved and needed me. She’d convince her into her bed, and we’d start spiraling down into that same old waltz we both knew too well.

After I blocked this contact, I guess she evolved. She started using an unknown number, so I couldn’t even block the contact. I called my manager immediately and told him I needed to get a new phone number. Apparently, all the stores around us were closed for a few days, which just so happened to be my fucking luck. But he promised to get something for as soon as possible.

In the meantime, I just had to ignore her.

So, I booked a last-minute therapy appointment.

I glossed over everything with my doctor, telling myself that things with Daisy were hopeless. She obviously thought me to be disposable. I mean, I had watched how quickly she’d pulled away, how quickly she found another empty face in the crowd.

I didn’t want to admit that shameful situation to my doctor. I didn’t want her to know I’d let myself fall again.

Instead, we talked about Fiona, about the temptress knocking on my door. My doctor kept reminding me to, “Stay strong. Know your worth.”

Easy words for someone in a healthy, happy marriage.

All it would take was one more wrong look from Daisy and one wrong text from Fiona, and I’d end up back off the cliff.

So, I clung to the guys. Daisy had been...not so distant but detached. Cautious. She was taking the lead, so I followed. We still hung out, still fucked like we had been doing. Still had these meaningful, deep conversations that made me wonder, over and over, what the fuck was going through her head. But honestly, I now spent some of that extra time with Max, Cy, Adam, or Sam. We were due to begin working on the next album and I had plenty of ideas floating around in my head.

It was peaceful, quaint. Something I’d missed. Maybe I wouldn’t be ready to start dating again if something like this caused me so much stress.

Adam was texting me now, wondering if I wanted to hang out sometime this morning, talk about the album. I told him I’d let him know what time, considering Daisy was in my bed. And Fiona was blowing my phone up like fucking crazy.

The whole situation threw me off. She wasn’t really concerned about it, but made numerous, passive jokes about me having a secret girlfriend. I don’t know if it was because she really, truly wanted me to be exclusive to her, or if it was just something to do with her pride.

Signals were still mixed, even after we’d had a conversation about how committed we were to each other. Part of me wondered if it had just been an act, her agreement to never see anybody else, her admittance that she was, “mine.” If it had just been something brewed from the heat of the moment. But, when I answered the phone, set it back on the nightstand, I swear to God I saw something in her eyes shift, like she had been bothered at the thought of me with someone else.

Or it would be shitty in general if I was seeing someone else.

I weighed telling her, every single, how I felt about her. I don’t know that if I told her I loved her it would change anything. I had all but done so, and she still was unmoving. She still had gone and found that faceless nobody in the crowd.

Today, I felt like maybe I should. Tell her.

As soon as she had left, someone knocked on my door. I didn’t think it was Daisy, considering Sam would be waking up soon and she needed to get back into bed. When I looked through the peephole, Adam was there, staring over his shoulder sort of strangely.

“Hey, dude,” I started as I opened the door, then turned to make my way over to the bed where my book bag was. I reached in for my notebook, continuing, “so, I’ve got a few good ideas rattling around-” probably a few too many about Daisy, “that I wanna show ya.”

He slowly entered the room, shutting the door softly behind him, “Yeah, uh...” he approached me sort of hesitantly, distant confusion in his pupils, “I think we...should talk about something first.” He didn’t seem too sure of himself and the words he was saying were cautious. So, my tone slowed, hardened “What-what’s up?”

He finally met my eye and I felt like a sword had been shoved down my throat, “I just talked to Daisy...out in the hallway.”

I set my book bag down, hands having been frozen around the straps like someone cursed me into the stoic, icy position. All I could think to say was, “Oh.”

Adam nodded half-heartedly, “Yeah. Oh. I... don’t know what to say, really. I knew you guys had been...like, it was obvious. To me and I think Max, at least. Sam is kinda clueless and, he and Ronnie are totally sleeping with each other.”

Well, that was obvious. So obvious that I could have snorted, but I was too focused on the wild realization that everyone basically knew. All of that sneaking around, trying to be secretive- well, it didn’t fucking matter. And it didn’t seem like it really mattered that much.

“Are you gonna, like, scold me or something?’ I sat on the edge of my bed, running a wary hand through my hair.

“No, I’m gonna tell you that you’re fucking stupid.”

“What?” I looked up from the ground, shock widening my eyes.

Adam finally softened his expression and chortled, though it was short before he was in on me again, “You’re stupid, Ollie. I don’t think you’re doing it on purpose. I think you’re just...Fiona fucked you up. And I’ve watched you slowly start to heal over these past few months. Daisy has everything to do with that. And...she fucking loves you, dude. She thinks the world of you. And you’ve both, I guess, been dancing this dance with each other, walking around the whole thing. I just told her, like- stop thinking less of yourselves. You both deserve something good. You’re both worthy of each other. So, stop being fucking stupid and just tell her.”

My face was hot. I clenched my hands together, knuckles turning white as all these rampant, loose feelings released in my chest, in my head. “She doesn’t love me.” Adam chuckled again, “That’s a bold fucking statement. She just told me herself how much she adores me.”

“Well, yeah, she likes me, that’s obvious,” I waved him off, “she wouldn’t be sleeping with me if she didn’t. But...I think I’ve made it clear so many times how much I want her. And she, just, doesn’t care. Or she turns away.”

“She’s scared!” Adam exclaimed, making me flinch just slightly. “Sorry,” he spoke quieter, like he had shocked himself with his tone of voice. “She’s scared, Ollie. She’s...she doesn’t know who she is. That’s why she came here. That’s why she pulls away, why she seems unsure.”

“Well, I know that,” I scoffed, “I know her better than anyone. You haven’t seen the way she...how she denies it. I know she denies it. She denies us- me.”

“Okay, tell me,” Adam nearly popped a hip at this, a sassy tone overtaking his authoritative one. “Tell me how she denies, what she says and does that makes you think she doesn’t want you. Tell me that she doesn’t love you.”

I thought, long and hard. I could've mentioned the very recent time when she had been dancing with another guy, at our concert, a prowling look in her eyes. Or, of the time when I was on the brink of telling her how I felt, then she pulled away. Or-

Wait.

Am I fucking stupid?

I’m so fucking stupid. I am the dumbest, stupidest idiotic idiot to have ever existed.

It was all right there, clearing up now like I was wearing new glasses. I had a new perspective- I had an unbiased, outsider’s view of the world I had been suffocating in. And Adam’s view was- a breath of fresh air.

I was so obviously the one turning away from her.

From the beginning, I’d been denying her, us, for fear that she wouldn’t want me that way. For fear that someone would find out, for fear that I might die if she ever looked away from me. And I’ve been covering it up with the excuse that I was broken, or hurting, or-or...worthless.

I knew differently. I’d known it differently for a while now but had been unable to act upon this rationality. I was too emotional, too, in my head. And that made me seem manipulative, and asshole-ish, and- fucking stupid.

Adam watched me carefully, watched me as I processed these past few months. My eyes were narrowed, confused, though they widened as the information unfolded in my mind, as the notches clicked together.

“You’re…right.”

Instead of worrying myself with the evidence that she, too, was afraid, I felt my head flood with memories, as tangent on my skin as the cool air of my hotel room. Memories of her devotion, her promise, her love. Memories of us in the stale morning, sharing stories of her mother and that little apartment back in America. Memories of us on the roof, atop the world, atop the feeling, a private sanctuary where even just the flash of her eyes should have told me everything that I needed to know. I was going to tell her I felt the same. I was going to pull her up to the roof, one of our most sacred secrets, and pour everything out onto the barren concrete between us. And I knew she would say that she loved me, too.

It was delicate and I would have to handle it as such. Any sudden movement, and we’d be falling apart, all over again.

But, then Max was bombarding my hotel room, spewing some nonsense about Daisy and Ronnie getting tattoos. He was dragging us to Sam’s hotel room. I was practicing the lines in my head, over and over, a prayer.

Daisy was looking at me with these doe-innocent eyes, like she, too, was praying to some old god. Altering herself for a breath that he may resurrect what was dying between us even now.

I found more words, new words- lyrics, pummeling my skull in wondrous discovery. It was right there- everything was- My phone wouldn’t fucking stop ringing and I thought that I might explode into atoms. I ignored the call, watching as Daisy’s face fell each and every time that it did. She well and truly thought that I was seeing someone else.

Enough was enough.

I took a step towards her, fully intent on putting a rest to the strangeness and awakening what was already there. But, then my phone rang again.

And Sam began making some joke about Fiona calling me, a knowing, devious smirk on his features. He didn’t know- how could he know? I couldn’t be upset with him, but I wanted to strangle him into the carpet.

But I couldn’t focus on that anger for too long-

Because Daisy was leaving like we both always left, one too many times, in one too many silent glares of this something that we just may never get right.

The delicate threads of us bent and snapped.

[daphnesian]

Meditation. Astral Travel.

Dionysus · ?? May 2025

I am haunted by my childhood home. She often appears in dreams so vivid that I could actually be there, but my family sold that home years ago. I can never go back.

Did Dionysus take me there, or did my subconscious supply the scene? I don't know. I touched the ugly, white door that her new owners installed and begged the house to let me go. It's time to move on. I want to be free. I want to find a home within myself.

We didn't go inside.

Instead Dionysus and I walked to a bakery down the street that no longer exists, a cramped building that barely fit display cases of fresh bread and biscuits. You could smell bread baking if you walked by early enough, and I loved that smell. I asked Dionysus if we could buy tea biscuits. I don't know how currency exchange works between spirits, if the coins (always coins) he handed over were literal currency or simply the theatre of mundane life, but we left with warm biscuits all the same.

We walked to the bus stop, boarded a crowded 66, and ate our biscuits. I don't remember what we talked about. Growing up? Letting go? How much I miss a life that no longer belongs to me? I don't know. Echoes of a neighbourhood I love blurred by as we rode that bus to the terminal.

"Can we get Dunkin?" I asked, hopeful, on the escalator to the train platform.

"Do you want Dunkin?" Dionysus raised his eyebrows. He often answers questions like this; he's my clearest mirror.

We got Dunkin.

The El waited for us, doors open and engine humming. Does it mean something that there were no passengers? Probably not. The buses were always more crowded unless I was caught up in rush hour, then it was a free-for-all of squishing into every last conceivable inch of space.

"This is my favourite seat!" I proclaimed, plopping down on the last seat of the last car, where you could watch the world slowly drift away in front of you.

He could have said, "I know," but he said nothing. What doesn't he know?

Center City haunts me less, but I can still map its streets with ease in my mind's eye. Who knows why we walked to the art museum? I only knew where I was headed, and Dionysus paid for the tickets. It's important to point out that even in this strange unreality, he still paid for tickets.

Tucked away somewhere less frequented, somewhere less cluttered by paintings or artifact cases, sits a dimly lit temple with a fountain that I frequented religiously in college. I enjoyed the soft trickle of water surrounded by silence, a sense of stillness, that you can't find easily in a crowded city. I snuck in my favourite pen and wrote.

There are a lot of I don't know's in this story. I don't know why we wound up at the temple in the art museum. Aside from begging to be released from my childhood home, I don't know the purpose of this meditation. Perhaps there isn't always a purpose. Perhaps there isn't always a lesson hidden between the lines of where our souls wander. Perhaps, sometimes, there is only memory and the gentle torture of letting go.

I always welcome respectful questions about my experiences or practice! If you enjoy my writing, support me on ko-fi

Dividers

[yatgb]

Agent 8 crumbs PLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASSPLSASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASEPLEASE

Okay well i GUESSSS i can ramble about agent 8 🙄 if i mustt

He/She Eight forever and always ^-^ people (including herself) default to she/her but she doesnt mind! Either prns are fine any time. Also doesnt label her sexuality he's just balling

Aside from all the sanitized kamabo bullshit i think hitting her head after the fight with agent 3 actually did give her some Lasting Brain Damage, and she has problems with forgetting things. Her and Agent 4's apartment is PLASTERED with sticky note reminders, even for stuff like "close the fridge" "turn off the stove" because she WILL forget to do that part

Agent 4 made her a little cookbook that step-by-step tells her how to make her favorite foods with those menial reminders to turn stuff on and off and close doors

AND she and Agent 4 have made what they call Eight's Brain Board, whoch is a crime board style corkboard that lays out all her memories and how they relate to each other just in case she forgets again. Proudly on display in their room

Likes wood-and-metalworking just to make little trinkets, most of the time Octivus or Squidmas gifts. The definition of Hobby On The Side that keeps her hands sharp. The first one she made on the surface was a little Salmonid keychain she gifted to Agent 4 ^-^

Still writes poetry too. She doesnt mean for it to be 8-8-8 syllables they literally just. Happen like that. She'll write a poem about literally anything. she wrote one about Agent 4's freckles

I know Donny is the shopkeeper in-game but Eight is the actual store manager for the Ammo Knights in Inkopolis Square. Sheldon hired her before he moved to Splatsville and she proved to be a VERY good employee so he let her take over the store

She and Sheldon often have friendly races between who can take apart and put a weapon back together the quickest. Eight's record is less than 2 minutes for a Hydra Splatling

Eight takes her job SUPER seriously and absolutely Will Not Budge on anything like prices or weapon availability. No "i left my ID at home" or "i'm basically level 10 cant i just have that one" she does NOT care. Rules are rules and by jove she will not only follow but she WILL enforce them

^ that being said she also HATES Grizzco. She doesnt like their shady vibe and has heard many horror stories about the actual work from Agent 4 (who works there to pay off his student loans) and she really really REALLY despises how they illegally modify weapons for golden rotations. Every time she finds a modified weapon she instantly confiscates and dismantles it. It's like a spit in the face to her entire career and she will not stand for it

Very good with teenagers! Mostly bc thats the majority of who comes into the shop. She loves hearing about their battle tales and has been jotting down little plotlines that unfold in her store (like a kid trying a new weapon to impress their crush, or someone climbing up the ranks in Clam Blitz, that type thing)

She has a reputation for being super nice to everyone but really its because she just has a really long fuse. It takes a LOT to get her mad

Charger main! She's amazing with any charger you put in front of her and she's an absolute MENACE in an inkbattle. Her favorites change but "you can never go wrong with a good and standard Splat Charger"

Her favorite battle mode is Tower Control!

She also Is crushing on Cap3 but she will literally never make a move. Partly bc they live across the ocean in splatsville now but also It's Agent 3. The Legendary Agent 3. Theyre Too Cool For Me (Agent 4 has been trying to wingman them together ever since they started hanging out. the pining is mutual theyre both just flustered. Hes suffering)

Idol relationships!!!!!!! Since she is genuinely good friends with Agent 3 she's frienda by proxy with the squid sisters. They dont really have a lot in common and dont hang out much but she and Marie like being menaces in inkbattles together because theyre both cracked with a Charger and love causing problems. Imagine 2 E-Liters on the Brinewater ledge. Hell. She finds it easy to chat with Callie and they'll talk about literally anything. Callie just has that effect on people i think

She sees Pearl and Marina as cousins, partly bc Pearl started calling her Cousin as a nickname but they really are like family. She lived with them for a solid month learning the language and etiquitte before they couldnt put off their Idol Jobs any longer, which is when she started living with Agent 4. They check in with each other every day and fuckig. LOVE EACH OTHER. She always gets front row tickets to their shows

Has only met Deep Cut very very briefly while being a roadie for OTH's world tour. They indimidate her but she'll take Marina's word that Big Man is chill at least. She's also heard good things about their heroism in Alterna from Cap3 so at the moment theyre vaguely Okay in her book

Also besties with Acht ^-^ initially bonding over Side Order bullshit but she finds their practical blunt nature to be really refreshing and calming. They mostly parallel-play when they hang out together. Like cats. She really likes their new music (can't listen to any Kamabo songs without feeling Bad after :( trauma and all. Acht respects this)

Shelly and Donny absolutely LOVE HER. She always entertains their kiddie ramblings and helps them out if they need a hand at their store, and theyre always welcome to work at her store if theirs is slow and they want something to do. She teaches them more about the weapons in a hands-on way so they have more to tell the customers rather than just parroting Sheldon

Speaking of, she's also great friends with Sheldon! Technically he's her boss but hes a very chill boss and she's been invited to family gatglherings outside of work and such. A good friend to the Shellendorf family!

"Hey eight how are you so cheerful all the time you have a very busy job and lots of friends to keep up with! Whats your secret!" Shes literally just in love with life. Thats it. After dealing with so much shit underground and nearly losing everything in Kamabo she has a huge appreciation for life itself. She relishes in the good and accepts the bad because at least she has a choice to experience it all. That being said can trauma responses go away she doesnt quite like those

(Hiiii :3 watch out here comes the extremely thought out backstory i made under the cut)

The reason shes so good with Chargers is actually because she was training under a Special Forces unit in the Octarian Army

She was known in her class for being super smart and quick on her feet but she just CANT build up any muscle mass, and the wasabi supply unit were already thinking of allowing Certain Octolings to use Chargers and Splatlings without being Octocommanders or Octosnipers, so they decided to guinea pig her with a Charger along with a smattering of other similar Octolings

She became like. SUPER good at using Chargers and a lot of her peers would call her The Next Marina because she surprised everyone with how cracked she was at like everything they threw at her. She never liked this comprison due to wanting to just Be Herself

She was also known for being extremely caring and empathetic, which landed her in hot water for speaking out against the way she and her fellow colleagues were treated as faceless soldiers, and wondered if plotting against the Inklings was even worth it st this point. She famously got in MASSIVE trouble for insinuating that they let The Great Zapfish go and was in Detention/Jail for like a While and nearly lost all her progress climbing up the ranks

Alsooooooo :3 in my personal canon she was part of the squad to escort Callie into Octo Canyon. It was her first time ever on the surface and once she got a taste for the real sun she needed more of it

(I know Octo Expansion is likely happening the same time as Splat2 Hero Mode but it makes sense for my canon for it to happen After)

Also she's 18 st the start of Octo Expansion just to tie back into the whole 8 thing they had going on

The whole hypnoshade thing was also thrust on Callie as a surprise and like. It's not fun to be Surprise Brainwashed so of course she fought back before the hypnoshades took effect. Eight still has a scar on her shoulder from where Callie dug her nails in. That experience was also the final nail in the "i gotta get out of here" coffin

Even though she had made up her mind to run away to the surface, it still really hurt to leave her life behind. She had real friends and even something romantic going on with someone special, as well as having actual good standings in the army with a bright future ahead of her, but the surface was more worth it in her eyes. being able to have her own life instead of one she was forced into was so appealing. Her friends think she's selfish and definitely resent her now (even though theyre fuzzed and barely remember her in turn)

Oh and also her name used to be Maia Idachi :3 but since she doesnt know her old name she can't find her file in Cap'n Cuttlefish's dossier. She doesn't want to go by facial recognition in case she mistakes her fime for someone else's and remembers something that never happened to her yknow (got Maia from amai, the japanese word to describe something sweet to tie into her being caring and empathetic, and Idachi from Idako which is the word for a species of Octopus)

[echantedtoon]

Demon Bride Ch29 Arrival

(Warning!!: Enmu IS his own warning. Possibly some innuendos. Mentioning of the Red Light District but THIS WIILL ABSOLUTELY STAY SFW AND NONE OF 'THAT STUFF' WILL EVEN BE MENTIONED!! IT. WILL. STAY. S F W!!! Rui being a bit sick. )

"Y/N-CHAAAAAANNN!~I love you.~ Please let me hold you in my arms!~ Call me a pervert!~ Call me pathetic again!~ Push me up against a wall!~ But please embrace me into your loving arms as you do so!!~"

"KNOCK IT OFF YOU PERVERTED PIECE OF CRAP!! SHE'S NOT INTO YOU LIKE THAT!! SHE WAS JUST THANKFUL YOU HAPPENED TO SAVE THE KID!!"

You just sat there happily with Rui sleeping in, and you wanted to go to sleep yourself but it was Impossible with these two shouting at each other. Enmu kept making advances to go towards your seat but was easily blocked by Kaigaku's larger form standing in front of the seat hissing back at him, although he looked less threatening in his human form. Every lean and move Enmu did was blocked by Kaigaku. A VERY wide and love struck look and smile painted on his features. You paid them no mind just trying to sleep to no avail. You thanked them and just wanted to rest. 

"Respect the hierarchy system Kaigaku~," Enmu chastised leaning left only to be blocked again by a hand. "After all I rank higher than you, so you should do as I say.~ Aren't you the one always saying that we should respect the ranks?~"

"Not when it evolved my FUCKING fiance you asshole-"

"Both of you SHUT UP or I'll kick your behind! Rui's sleeping and frankly I want to too!"

"Y/n my begonia.~ Please allow me to help you achieve sweet dreams-" 

Finally with an inhuman hiss, two strong hands grabbed onto Enmu's forearms and actually lifted the still smiling demon into the air and staring at Kaigaku's snarling, lipstick smeared face. "This stops NOW!" He growled lowly. "I mentioned I wanted to talk to you. And it's actually important this time."

Enmu cooed."More important than dear, sweet, fair maiden Y/n-chan?~"

"It DOES you lopsided perverted troglodyte!," He hissed back, ''But we can't talk here. It needs to be kept under wraps so to speak."

"Oh, I understand." He smirked cheekily. "Oh, Y/n darling.~ We'll be back in a moment dear.~ Kaigaku wishes to discuss some dissection methods.~"

You groaned leaning against the cool glass of the window. "Whatever. Just keep it down."

"You'll never keep your mouth shut will you?" Enmu only shrugged before he was literally carried away from the scene by Kaigaku. "Now listen carefully and don't cause any unwanted attention our way."

★★★★★★★

"A fully fledged demon you say? Her head was decapitated and regenerated?" Furious scribbling was heard as a pencil was jotting down words on a notepad. "Survived a stab to her stomach that she also regenerated? Aura changes...." A bold brow rose at the black haired samurai. "And she changed right back? Blood demon arts being performed? AND she doesn't remember a thing?!"

Kaigaku nodded arms folded. He had explained everything about the events that transpired from the start of what Rui told him happened with Kyogai's mansion all the way to the part where they first boarded the train sparing no details. Enmu had finally shut up about 'loving' HIS fiance and wrote down at least four whole pages worth of new Intel. Enmu was all but eager to learn about AAAALLLLL of this. His smile gone replaced with hums of thought. 

"I was hoping you'd be able to tell me something about what the hells been going on here. You got anything from studying that blood?"

After a silent moment of just writing Enmu finally answered him by shaking his head no. "Unfortunately not. Both of the samples I took from her are completely normal human DNA, except for the strange flower smells they give off. I couldn't find anything that would make those smells, or anything out of the ordinary for that matter." He paused for a moment before looking up at him. "Which reminds me. I don't suppose that any of those demons who attacked you mentioned any weird smells?"

"...I think one mentioned aster blooms but Im not sure." More writing made him hiss. "What's the point in even telling you this if you aren't even any help?!"

"Well it gives me more to work with...I think I'll need another blood sample from her. If the battle you told me about was just three days ago then maybe there's still something fresh in her bloodstream that'll give me answers."

"I doubt that. Her entire body blood and all smells strongly of human again. If you got anything now, it won't be any good."

Enmu hummed disappointed. "A shame. It would've been really beneficial but I don't have any blood from that night."

The sentence made Kaigaku paused. Eyes going wide before slowly looking over to him. "Hey... That's not true." A lightbulb went off in his head before looking at him. "We do have blood from that night! Blood stains!" Enmu blinked obviously confused. "There's blood stains on her dress from her injuries that night!"

Enmu perked up. "Demon blood....If that blood was spilt while she was a demon then there might be a chance there's something in there leftover from her transformation!"

"Would it be any good though? It's a dried stain."

"I could still examine the dried blood cells. Even if there's nothing, it would be good to have it on hand. Do you think you could get me a sample?"

"Drop us off outside the Entertainment District as fast as you can and I'll get you it right now. Just don't tell her anything yet about this. I'm keeping her stress levels down for now."

"Deal! After all, the faster the better!"

...

Purple eyes opened up slightly from something slightly jostling her body but the world was still clouded by sleep. "Alright. Here's a piece of cloth from where that stab wound was. That's about as direct from the source as you can get." Something warm was dropped back over her. "Careful with it."

A pair of metal tweezers carefully plucked the torn off small piece of cloth from Kaigaku's palm. It's once pretty yellow fabric was destroyed by the dark red stains fitted across it. Yes. This would do nicely. He admired the pretty rust coloring before the cloth was safely shoved inside a small glass jar and a lid was screwed on top sealing it inside. 

Enmu smiled widely with delight. "Yes. This will work nicely. It'll take me a week to finish my normal duties around the provinces but I should be able to investigate this later." The jar was then safely dropped inside the briefcase which shut with a click. "But rest assured, it'll be in goo hands."

"Better be. I don't trust you as far as your sanity goes. And there's not lot going on in your head."

"Aw.~ You pay attention to my brain?~" 

"JUST GET US TO THAT DISTRICT!!"

"Hmhmhm.~ As you wish, Kaigaku. But I would be keeping a VERY close eye on her from here on out in case it happens again. If it does, see if you're able to get me a fresher sample."

Footsteps walked away as purple eyes blinked widely and tiredly as the world refocused and there was something black huffing before plopping itself down next to you. "Fucking assholes."

"Kaigaku?"

"Ah!" He nearly jumped from his seat when you, with wild bed head, smeared make up, and bags under your pretty eyes. Which slowly blinked. "Holy hell. Don't do that!"

You only yawned. "What time is it,?..How long have I been asleep?"

"Hmph. It's not morning yet I can tell you that much. Go back to sleep."

"Where are we going?," You asked instead turning your head to the window. It was still very much dark outside. "...I'm not sleeping until I know."

"Oh my GODS! You're more stubborn than a literal mule! Fine! If you must know we're going to the Red Light District." 

There was silence only the sounds of the train speeding by. Your brain still fuzzy from lack of sleep processing what he said slowly.... Before purple eyes slowly widened and widened and widened to the size of plates and you turned to look at him. He stared back. 

"What?"

"The Red Light District? As in....THE Red Light District?!"

"Yeah." He looked lightly surprised. "You know about that from your side of the mountain?"

You deadpanned at him. "Even if I never went anywhere EVERYONE knows what 'that' place is!" You frowned now. "And we're heading THERE?! Oh no! Nuh uh!" You shook your head arms shifting the weight of a dead asleep Rui in your arms. "There is absolutely no way I'm taking Rui into a place like that! Are you insane?!"

"What?! It's a perfect plan! No one sane would think to look there for you!," He insisted which only made you narrow your eyes more at him. "We're not even going to 'that' part of the district with those women! We're heading towards the market place in the frontal parts away from it all. You won't even be disturbed by the gritty bits." He explained further with a sigh and a hand rubbing his temples. "There's an inn there that's a secret sanctuary for any Upper Moons conducting business in the area or just passing through. But usually it's just used as  a vacation house whenever Douma comes around the area for his own perverse reasons.'' With a deep inhale he turned back to you seriously. "But there's also another reason I chose that place."

"And that brilliant idea is?"

His eyelid twitched. "The men who attacked you aren't initiated into the Kizuki officially yet, so they wouldn't know about any of these places. If you're stashed there then you'd be safer than anywhere else."...Ok. You supposed that logic made sense now. And honestly it did kinda make sense from a demon's standing point. "We just need to sneak you both in there without attracting a lot of attention. That's what the disguises are for. Who'd look twice at a couple humans just walking down the street?"

"....I hope you're right about this."

"You're going to have to trust me on this. Believe it or not I'm trying my best here."

"I know..." Your expression softened. "I'm sorry. But...thank you. For saving us.'' He paused when a soft hand held his arm. "You saved us back there and I should thank you for that, but I guess Im just overwhelmed. I haven't expected my life to turn into one massive run away trip."

He stared at you, then at his arm,  then back to you...before looking away with a huff. "Yeah. Well you should be grateful. I'm nearly exhausted from fighting and traveling. I didn't sign up for any of this you know, especially when a shrimp imprinted on my fiance."

There was silence before you spoke again. "You know we're not really engaged right?"

"...Come again?"

"I SAID we're not even engaged." You remembered you never really spoke to him about this but you needed to get this all straightened out now and not later. "I never accepted your proposal."

He stared at you blankly. "....What?"

"Dammit, Kaigaku. Do I have to repeat myself?" You poked his shoulder. "When you gave me this necklace I had no idea you were proposing to me."

"WHAT?!"

"I had no idea you were proposing to me until Kyogai explained your whole courting culture to me! I thought you were just trying to suck up so Akaza wouldn't kick your ass. I only wore it this long so you wouldn't throw a fit over me not accepting your gift! I had no idea it was a romantic gesture!" You inhaled deeply before saying. "Kaigaku. I was never interested in marrying you."

Silence.

The only sounds coming from the train as it rattled along. Kaigaku just...blankly staring at you. After a moment your hands reached up to your neck and tugged on the strings until they loosened and fell. The smooth surface of the magatama falling into your hands before they were held out. Kaigaku flinched and blinked when his hand was grabbed and it was placed back in his possession.

"Here. You should take this back now. You lost two just to get us this far, it wouldn't be fair if you lost a third, so just take this and accept the outcome." You dropped it in his hand and turned away from him back to the window breathing a sigh. There. It was done at last. He could throw a tantrum all he wanted but it was done and off your hands. One more problem solved.

Kaigaku however remained oddly silent. Just blankly staring at his hand and the magatama. In fact...he was silent for so long you nearly fell asleep back against the window and you would've if you hadn't felt it. The feeling of something thing on your neck. It made you jump back away and yelped at just how close Kaigaku was to your face, and his hands were busy tying something around your neck.

"Kaigaku! What are you doing?!"

He didn't answer until the string was tied around your neck once more and the taller male backed off. "There. That should be a good replacement."

You blinked.. before a hand reached up to touched your neck. It was a string firmly tied around it and soon after you felt the familiar smooth surface of a magatama charm. Bewildered you gave Kaigaku a look as he just gave you a half lidded look. 

"The other one was damaged. That one is better suited for you."

"... Didn't you just hear what I said?" You rose a brow. "I didn't accept your proposal."

"I heard you. This isn't a proposal, it's a courting gift now." Your eyes went wide. "Don't give me that look. Did you really think I was going to give up on you that easily? I've thought about it and from where I'm standing I have at least seven other competitors. If I can't be engaged to you then I'm sure as hell going to be in the running for it."

You gawked at him. "Seven?! Where the heck did you get the idea that I have seven suiters on my ass?"

"It's obvious Kyogai and Akaza feel the same way about you that I do." He nearly growled. "Now Enmu's got that idea into his head, and there's the assholes you charmed somehow. I need to keep you undercover for a while. The woman instincts you have is bad for men."

"What's THAT supposed to mean?!"

"It means you need to shut up now and get some sleep! I'll wake you up when we're close. We won't be there until near sundown tomorrow anyways so that should give you plenty of time to rest."

You frowned at him...but soon found yourself lulled back to sleep and soon after fell back into a world of darkness.

...

"Hey! Wake up already!" Something shoved you back and forth until you woke up with a snort and found Kaigaku staring down at you but it was way brighter, day time had arrived. "Get up. We're nearly there and I have to cover the shrimp's head back up."

So that was fun. Turned out for whatever reason you just slept until almost sundown the very next day until Kaigaku woke up and had you help him wrap the blue obi back around Rui's head to cover up his head again so 'no one would recognize him' but this time you made sure that he didn't cover up his mouth to help him breath better. The reflection of you both in the window was... Nothing like you expected. There was you. Wearing an oversized coat obviously too big for you, bad bed head, and make up so smeared that you could've been mistaken for a monster. Then there's Rui who looked wrapped up enough to survive a blizzard with Mitch matched clothes of all colors. ..Whelp. Kaigaku was right about one thing. No one would tell who you were in this get up. You both looked too ridiculous. Hopefully if you just kept your head down and hurried no one would pay attention to you under the cover of many people and the darkness of night. The train rolled to a complete stop and Kaigaku pulled you up and off the train pretty quickly, you had to carry Rui as he was still asleep and try to keep up with the fast pace Kaigaku set. You guessed it was a good thing Kaigaku wouldn't let go of your arm because you were sure you would've been swept away as soon as you stepped off the train. You could only blink once bright lights hit your eyes but once you saw clearly...Your. Eyes. Widened.

THE AREA WAS HUGE!! YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE THIS BEFORE!!

BRIGHT LIGHTS WERE EVEYWHERE!! It nearly blinded you by the amount of lanterns and lights glowed warmly against the sky, when you looked up it was almost completely night again. The sun was just setting giving a small bit of light left. But that wasn't the most shocking bit. PEOPLE WERE EVERYWHERE!! TONS OF THEM!! All human too. Walking around, shouting at one another, talking loudly, and sometimes carrying objects like bags and boxes. The murmuring of voices together was loud enough to be a buzz like that of a bee hive. It rattled your head in a way that was unpleasant and new. You hissed and yelped as a strong arm pulled you against Kaigaku's side as a swarm of people ascended to board the train as fast as possible. It took a moment but you realized that  you all were standing on the platform of a train station. The buildings surrounding the people were bigger than any of the ones back in your village. Two or three stories each. At the base of said houses were small stalls and wagons the tons of people swarmed but you couldn't see what they were about, there were too many different faces. It was dizzying.

"Where are we?"

"I told you. This is the marketplace of the district. All of these buildings are mostly small businesses or homes for the rich assholes who run the places." He scowled before huffing and the arm around your shoulders tightened. "Come on. Keep your head down, and act as normal as possible. We don't want to attract any unwanted attention even from bystanders."

You had no choice but stumble along as he pulled you along with him and tighten up your grip on Rui whom still slept soundly against you. How he could still sleep through everything was beyond you. You were pulled along with the taller demon and couldn't help but look around the scenes and people, they were hard to miss since Kaigaku just pushed your forms past people down the middle of the street making others curse at him or give annoyed looks not that the demon cared for. 

"W-Where are we going?"

"The inn. Keep your voice low," he hissed, "Are you trying to get us caught?"

"Well it'd be nice to know how far we have to go-"

"Mother, I'm hungry."

Smack! 

Kaigaku facepalmed himself. "Oh great. What a great time for him to wake up. Just keep him quiet. The inns not far from here now."

"What bit his tail?"

You shushed Rui who seemed less interested in the people and more interested in the delicious smells of food in the air. You were too to be honest. It felt like an eternity since you last ate and your stomach rumbled the more food stalls you passed. The sweet aromas of honeyed cakes and sweet meats mixed perfectly with each other in a way that was mouthwatering. You hoped there would be food once you got there. There was more pushing more shoving and Kaigaku pulling you both constantly down the long stretch of road only to sharply turn you left, and then right, and then a left again down another  road until he forcibly made you stop just outside an alley way, looked around,....and then pushed you down into the darkened pathway with a yelp before ducking in himself. You gave him a frown but he only pushed you further down the dark path. The light was blocked out from houses making it hard to see, but you could see enough to spot discarded barrels or crates here and there full of old trash that overflowed out onto the street. This was a way to an inn? Guess this would be the last place someone would expect to find an inn at. He had you walk until you both turned a corner behind a house leading to nothing but a dead end. ...A literal dead end with nothing else here. Literally nothing. After a silent moment you and Rui exchanged looks before you looked to Kaigaku but again paused when you found the demon pushing on random wooden boards with his hands on one of the walls. 

Your brow rose. "What are you doing?"

"Trying to remember which one of these dam planks opens the door! Give me a break! It's been twelve years since I was here!" He pushed against a wooden board above his head before cursing and  just hitting the wall in frustration. CLICK!! He froze as a small clicking noise sounded. From under his palm a small thin piece of the wall slid in and away from view of you both. "....Hmph! See? I told you I'd find it."

You would've rolled your eyes but- "Who wishes to enter the Red Sanctuary?" A raspy old voice called out from the thin hole in the wall which made you jump and blink at it.

"Lower Moon Two." Kaigaku stared directly at the hole hands on his hips. "Open the dam door and let us in." You leaned over to peer at the blood shot eyes peering back out at you all. "We don't have all day old woman."

The eyes turned at you. "Mmm. Traveling with a companion?"

"If Douma can bring twenty of his followers with him then I can bring one woman!" 

The eyes glanced between you both before looking back at him knowing. "If you wanted a lady's company there's-"

"ITS NOT LIKE THAT!!," He bellowed at the woman's eyes. "IM ASSIGNED TO LOOK OUT FOR HER!! NOW OPEN THE DAM DOOR!!"

The eyes looked at a part of his face. "...Mmm hmm. If you say so." Kaigaku growled and the hole was closed again only for there to be a larger clicking sound and a bigger part of the wall the size of Akaza fell away and revealed an old lady demon. She was about your height, with a plain blue kimono, two large fangs sticking out of her bottom jaw, and looked old enough to be your grandmother. "Welcome to Red Sanctuary, Lord Moon Two. It's a surprise to see you here." She welcomed with a bow but sounded bored. "Why don't you and your guests follow me and we'll get you settled?"

"That's more like it!"

Grabbing your arm again, Kaigaku pulled you in right behind him and the old woman leading the way through a hallway within the side of the alley with the door closing behind him. The hallway looked just the ones Kyogai had in his mansion and lit by lanterns filled with candles that lit up with a friendly warm glow, it was certainly a step up from the buzz outside. They continued walking until she stopped in front of a sliding door and bowed again. 

"This would suffice for the three of you, unless you request a separate room for yourself, Sir." The old lady said raising a brow again staring at a part of his face. 

"It's fine. Get us some food and towel, and get her a kimono to wear." He paused to glance at Rui. "And send for a doctor."

"Congratulations, Sir. It's always such a beautiful thing seeing young families blossom."

"The hell are on now old lady?"

"The doctor I assume is for your expecting lover is it not?"

The whole room suddenly turned a hundred degrees hotter as you both yelled, "WHAT?!"

"NO. THE HELL. IT'S NOT!!" The red faced samurai pointing at Rui. "THE DOCTOR IS FOR THE KID WHOS RUNNING A FEVER RIGHT NOW! WHERE THE HELL DID YOU EVEN GET THAT IDEA!?"

"My apologies. I'll get you everything you need in just a moment. Please pardon me." The old lady bowed again and turned to leave as the seething samurai yelled out in frustration.

SLAM!! The door was thrown open before Kaigaku pointed inside. "In. Just...IN!" Was all he was able to get out through his gritted teeth before stomping his way inside. "How could she possibly think something like that?!"

Rui deadpanned bluntly. "Probably because you still have lipstick on your mouth."

".....WHAT?!"

You leaned over to peer into the room only to find Kaigaku looking into a mirror hung on a wall. His red face looked panicked reflected back at him, and his eyes looked directly at the red lipstick still smeared across his lips from last night. The same kind you were still currently wearing... before he furiously began to wipe his lower face on his sleeve. Rui pointed and laughed but you quickly shushed him when Kaigaku snapped to your form in the doorway. .. Silently he walked back towards you with a frown and you blinked when he just pushed right past you. 

"Stay in the room until I come back."

"Where are you going? We just got here."

"You'll need new clothes. You can't just keep walking around soaked in dried blood. I'll have to get you a new kimono and discard of any evidence."

"Evidence? Something tells me you're used to covering things up."

"A lot more than you think. It'd be good to blend in as much as possible while you're here, so you'll be needing something in style for everyone else here. Even if you'll just be staying inside-"

"Oh Nuh uh! No way!" You frowned at  Kaigaku. "I've been forced to stay inside forever and now I have to stay more inside?"

"Just until this entire thing is sorted. Don't argue with me."

"Kaigaku I refuse to be stuck inside and trapped again."

"You might be crazy enough to risk your own safety but are you really going to risk his? What if one happens to recognize you and pieces together where the kid is? Do you really want to risk him being taken away?" You fell silent. "That's what I thought. I'll be back in a while.i have to make sure we weren't followed. The head maid here will make sure you have some food and clean clothes. You just stay put and take care of the shrimp." 

Then he left leaving you standing there.. before you frowned and turned back into the room. Now you had a good chance to look over it. Holy crap. THIS PLACE LOOKED JUST LIKE OUT OF A RICH MAN'S MANSION!!! There was a giant futon that looked like it was made of the softest fluffiest blankets ever.  There wasn't any windows but a bright giant chandelier with candles hung above, illuminating the pretty paintings and mirrors and vases lining the walls. In the middle of the room was a bear skin rug and on top of it was a small wooden polished table. The whole place felt like a dream. Eventually Rui wriggled out of your grasp and trotted over to a secondary door leading to what looked to be a decently sized bath room. It was like the one back in Kyogai's mansion only smaller and slightly more fancy. Eventually the old lady from before returned to you with clothes, and towels in her arms with a younger servant with a giant metal pot in her hands. 

"Forgive us for the delays miss. But we have others guests to prepare for as well. I do hope you enjoy your stay with us."

"Other guests?"

"Yes. Very soon a very important guest and his servants will stay with us for some time, but do not worry. They won't be staying for long as they're just passing through and won't be taking your room."

"Oh." You wondered who that could've been. Perhaps it was this mysterious 'Master' whomever he was. "What food is that?" It smelt delicious and very similar to soup.

"Hotpot, Ma'am. It should be enough to tide you over. However I'm afraid I won't be able to provide you with any doctors. I am not allowed to reveal the location of Red Sanctuary to anyone who is not a Kizuki or under their employment."

You paused at what she said...but nodded. "It's ok. Rui isn't running any fevers right now so he should be alright." 

Enmu said he only needed to rest for a few days and get plenty of food. So this should be perfectly fine. You thanked the ladies and from there it was a typical night almost like back at Kyogai's mansion. You both got cleaned up and then ate. You were sure Rui was feeling a lot better now cleaned up and gorging himself on most of the giant pot's contents of mushrooms, and meats, and broth. You yourself felt better not having to wear that make up anymore and the plain kimono you were given was better than the one with tears. The hotpot was good, was actually nothing that you'd ever tasted before. Fine meats and mushrooms. That night might've been the best sleep you had in a while but come morning the next day you awoke to a strange sight. Kaigaku was back and once again he was sporting that human disguise but this time his obi and black coat was back on his body, and he was staring right at you. 

"About time you woke up. I've been waiting all night."

"Kaigaku?" You blurily blinked from the soft blankets of the futon. "W-What's going on?"

"We need to talk. I've been ordered to go back to the mountain border."

It took some time to fully comprehend the gravity of what he said but it had sunk in eventually and had you shooting up fast. Rui groaned  but only burrowed further into the blankets. "What?!"

Kaigaku looked like he expected your wife eyed shock reaction because he only sighed where he sat. "Yeah. There's no other way to put it."

"You have to go now?! But we just arrived literally yesterday!"

"I expected that too. Apparently I pissed some higher ups when I left my post without telling anyone."

"Who? Your Master?"

"My Mentor." You looked at him confused. "Kokushibo. He's the second most powerful demon both in and outside of the Kizuki. He's pissed I left my post on the border and didn't help Kyogai stabilize his situation. I TRIED to explain it to him -" he threw up his arms with a growl. "-but he said Akaza was the one who was supposed to handle humans and he wants me to go back while he's away!"

"What about the demons that tried to take Rui?!"

"That's what I came to tell you." He inhaled deeply, slowly before letting it out and reaching a hand up to rub his temples. "*Sigh*.... I'm supposed to go back. I can't disobey him. You're going to have to wait here for Akaza."

"Akaza?!"

"Kokushibo's not happy. He's pretty pissed that there's five idiots who not only destroyed an important building but fucked up another job they were supposed to be doing." He held up his hands. "So-... Akaza was going to take care of Kyogai but Kyogai FUCKING panicked when he couldn't find, so Kyogai contacted Kokushibo. Then Akaza showed up and of course Kyogai told him so now Kokushibo told Akaza to go get me to help but I'm here with you, and now he's pissed I left my post without telling him. So Akaza was ordered to bring Hantengu's sons to him for questioning, I'm supposed to go back until Kokushibo can send assistance to Kyogai, Akaza is going to be the one to come take care of you within a few days, and Kokushibo's pissed because he's already dealing with a whole bunch of shit on top of this and  I'm pissed because I can't be here for you!!" At the end of his rant he breathed heavily and you just sat there wide eyed.

"...Then what's going to happen to us here?"

His shoulders dropped. "Akaza is coming to fetch you four days from now. So including today that makes about five days you'll have to wait. He'll deliver those assholes to the  Infinity Castle and then come get you here. He'll be bringing you back to his estate until things get assessed by Kokushibo himself. This thing is a right mess!"

"Then... I'm just going to wait here? For five days?!"

He nodded. "I'm risking being in more trouble because Iwas waiting for you to wake up to tell you." He then pointed. "I need you to stay here and take care of the kid until he arrives. But ...I need to know you won't leave this place until Akaza arrives. You're as stubborn as an ass, but I think you'll listen for the kids sake." 

"....Do you really have to do this?"

"If I don't I'll be in bigger trouble and possibly put you in danger. It'll be better for everyone else if I left and you stay here. It's already been arranged, I talked to the head maid and paid for your stay in advance. You'll be fed and given plenty of privacy...Gods. I wish this hasn't happened. "

"It's alright. I'm used to handling things by myself, but could you..maybe...W-When does the next train leave?" Your hands tightened slightly on the blanket. 

"I missed the morning train to tell you the news. The next one leaves in a few hours."

"Could-...Could you stay with us until you have to leave?"

"Even if you told me to go away, I'd keep my ass here until then."

You chuckle which made him pause. "I'm happy to hear that."

"Oh. I almost forgot something." You watched as he reached behind him and pulled out a green leafed fan, and held it out to you. "Here. If you need to defend yourself in anyway, use this."

You slowly took the strange leaf weapon from him, looked it over, before looking back at him holding it up. "What is this?"

"A weapon. I stole it from one of the demons who attacked you and tried it out. It works like this. It magically summons wind to blow things away, so the harder you flap it the more powerful the wind gust will be. Use it if you need to protect yourself if you need to. It's not a very deadly weapon but it'll be enough to protect you with. But only use it if you really have to!" He stressed pointing at you seriously. "And I mean ONLY if you really need to. It'd be best to not draw unwanted attention."

A weapon huh? That sounds promising to you. You were grateful to Kaigaku for once. However...

Things really did never go how you planned. Fate ALWAYS has the final say, and unfortunately fate and destiny was never really a kind hand who dealt pathways.

Kaigaku left that very evening. After telling you about a THOUSAND times to 'stay the hell inside' and 'dont draw any attention to yourself '  and to 'under no circumstances do NOT leave the dam sanctuary!' You agreed and repeated yes so many times that you could fill a whole book with just the amount of yeses you spoke out loud but he seemed satisfied enough to go before leaving to catch the train out of town leaving you with the sole responsibility to care for Rui. It's alright. You were used to taking care of yourself and other people. After all you took care of your grandma for years before she passed away, and you've been practically taking care of Rui since he first fell in your lap. This would be fine. You just had to stay inside and wait for Akaza in a few days. Sounded simple enough and for a bit it was. The rest of that day Kaigaku left was uneventful, you just spent the rest of the day in your room. Rui slept for most of that day but woke up when a lady came to deliver dinner and some water but right after he fell back asleep again leaving you to just sit there until nightfall eventually made you retire to sleep.  The very next day was much like the first. Rui slept in but woke up when breakfast, lunch, and dinner was served but right after went right back to sleep. He sure had a healthy appetite. You supposed that was due to not being able to eat for a few days and that fever scare he had took a lot out of him. At least when he was asleep he'd be easy to handle however it just left you sitting around with nothing else to do but wait in your room. You're bored. Usually Kyogai would've lent you a book to read by now and you'd happily read it to pass the time. You'd just have to wait and be patient.

However... Disaster again decided to rear it's ugly head that night.

It started when you just retired for the night two hours early. Figured that if you didn't have anything else to do you'd just retire and get some useful sleep. However you weren't even asleep for an hour before you were shooken away again by small pale hands and were met with Rui's face looking like he was about to cry.

"Mother? I don't feel very good."

You pushed yourself up in an instant despite the sleepiness you felt blinking and rubbing at your face. "Rui? What's wrong? Are you alright?!"

"I'm too hot. I can't sleep anymore."

Your stomach dropped. Oh no...NOT AGAIN!! A hand instantly slapped itself onto his forehead only to feel how warm he was. "You're running a small fever. Oh no."

"Is it..bad?"

No. Not yet. Rui's little fever wasn't anything to worry over, but it could progress into something else that was much worse, and here you were without medicine. If it got worse ...You stood up suddenly making Rui blink before he also stood up. What to do? What to do?! That lady wouldn't let you bring a doctor here! Not after what she said! But...YOU COULDN'T take Rui out. He traveled enough against his will and you COULDN'T risk him getting caught by anyone again. ....There wasn't any choice. You'd have to go out and get him medicine yourself. You didn't really want to buy it was the only way you could get what Rui needed. It shouldn't be too long. Just go to the doctor, get medicine, and come back. 

"Where's that weapon!? I'm heading out."

"I'm coming too!" Rui followed holding up a hand.

"No." You stopped him turning around and holding up a hand. "You're too sick. I can't risk a repeat of last time, and it'll be faster if I just went out by myself. I'll be back before sunrise tomorrow anyways. I know my way back. But I just need you to stay here."

"But-"

"No buts Rui. Not this time. You're just gonna have to listen to me just this once. Now to back to bed and STAY HERE until I come back. That's an order, Rui. Listen to your mother."

You found the weapon. You left the room. After assuring Rui whom started to tear up a little bit, you would be back soon. Very soon. You weren't gonna let Rui get worse again. Not by a long shot. In the hallway you ran into a maid carrying towels, and told her to care for Rui and to show you the way out. She did and you found yourself out in the alley way again where you first came in. Alright. Here we go. You just had to get that medicine and come right back here. With a determined face and deep inhale of breath and the comfort of the fan weapon tucked in your kimonos obi, you marched off down the alley quickly to return soon. 

However

Fate rather likes to make things difficult for you.

[voltronisanobsession]

The Unknown Bus

An original story I wrote more than a year ago. It was inspired by all the nights I myself had to wait for my bus after getting off at work😔

GUYS I KNOW MY ACC HAS BEEN DEAD FOR A WHILE IVE BEEN BUSY💔 pls enjoy this pookie, I’ll make a comeback soon😔😔

As the girl was leaving the mall, she noticed that not a single soul was present. Not bothered at first, she made her way to the exit only to see no one lingering outside like she usually would see everyday after work.

Walking out the mall, the world was bare from any life, no cars parked sparsely, and no people loitering around waiting for their ride. It was foggy and dark, a light mist in the air from the previous rainfall. Despite the empty lot and mall, the lights from the theatre nearby shun brightly, along with the light posts scattered in the area. It offered the girl the slightest bit of comfort.

In the distance, she saw a vehicle at the bus stop she usually waited at, the bright glowing orange lights the only color in the misty darkness. Slowly walking towards this bus, she wondered if she had stepped into a different world.

She felt chills run down her arms, the coat she wore doing nothing against the phantom cold.

Nearing the unknown bus, she read its headlights. Sparrows Lane. Finally standing at the bus stop, the girl tried to avoid contact with the driver, but he never turned in her direction to acknowledge her. The doors suddenly opened, the lights flooding out and a warm breeze hitting her as she stared at the driver.

The Bus Driver sat still, eyes never straying from the windshield in front of him. He wore a navy blue vest and navy trousers. The crisp white button up he wore gave his outfit a sharp, yet fashionable look. The hat on his head was a shiny black, the light reflecting off of it clearly.

Yet despite how fancy he looked, the hat casted an ominous shadow over his face, the bottom half only visible in the light.

Unsure of what to do, she shifted uncomfortably. After a moment of hesitation, she asked, “Are you heading towards Gaven Street’s main road?”

The Bus Driver gave no reply.

Unsettled by his lack of response, she slightly backed away from the entrance of the bus, letting the driver know she was not going to enter the strange bus.

The Bus Driver waited a few seconds more until he finally closed the door. The bus let out a hiss, the exhaust pipe blowing out black smoke. The bus slowly drove away, turning the corner and traveling down the road, disappearing from the girls view.

Shuddering, she slowly sat down on the curb of the sidewalk, putting down her bag, while staring off into the foggy distance.

Taking out her phone, she noticed that none of her apps would fully load. It was then that she realized there was no service available.

“That’s so weird, I literally just had service a few minutes ago…”, eyebrows furrowed, she suspiciously looked around her. Something wasn’t right.

Settling her phone down in her bag, the girl sat in silence thinking of how strange her night had become since leaving her job. Checking the time quickly, five minutes exactly had gone by when she heard the sound of a car approaching her. More like a large truck in fact.

Glancing behind her with hope, the girls eyes widen as the familiar bus drove around the lot, heading straight towards the bus stop. Abruptly standing up, she yanked her bag from the ground and took a few steps back as the bus stopped right in front of her. The light from the bus did little to comfort her in the darkness as it once did before.

The door opened, revealing the Bus Driver once again, the same sharp clothing and the same shiny hat on top of his head, patiently waiting for her to board the bus. Huffing slightly, the girl had no choice but to speak.

“What do you want? I won’t get on, it’s not going where I need to go.” Despite speaking with confidence, it slowly diminished as the Bus Driver paid her no attention again, simply offering her his silence.

She stood there for what felt like hours, which was only a few minutes, contemplating if it was worth taking this strange bus to somewhere she didn’t know. She had to be reasonable though, the bus was the only thing that seemed to be coming and going from this place, which meant if she continued refusing passage, who knows how long she would be stuck here for.

Sighing in defeat, the girl went to step on the bus until the Bus Driver stopped her with his hand held up.

Looking at him with surprise, she followed where his hand was pointing to. A small sign with fancy lettering which read ‘1 Paper Cash Per Person.’ seemed to appear out of nowhere.

“I don’t carry cash on me, I use an online ticket for all my buses.” Going to step off the bus feeling slightly relieved, she was once again stopped by the Bus Driver.

His hand slowly traveled towards the side of his vests pocket, patting it twice and then pointing towards the girls jacket pockets.

With confusion written in her eyes, she went to search her pockets like a fool, exclaiming, “Sir, I told you I don’t carry cash with-“

She felt her heart drop as her voice died down, her hand coming into contact with a thick piece of paper. Slowly pulling it out from her pocket, she eyes made contact with the dollar like paper, the color an off blue with the number 1 written on the top two corners. One Paper Dollar. In amazement and horror she held the paper dollar with both of her hands, asking if this was her payment. The Bus Driver sat in silence.

Gripping the paper, she slipped it into the machine, in which the Bus Driver gave the girl a single bus ticket which said One Way - SPARROWS LANE. Slowly making her way to the middle of the bus, the girl sat down on a seat, a little frightened of the event that had just happened. Settling her bag down on the seat next to her, she waited for the mysterious driver to finally leave the familiar place she had grown attached to.

The bus hissed as the man started the bus, slowly turning it at the corner and driving away from the mall and the theatre.

The girl had no idea where she was going, if she was even safe on the bus that seemed to appear from nowhere. Accepting her fate, the girl looked out the window next to her, watching as the fog covered the trees she passed by, extremely weary of where the Bus Driver was taking her.

Wherever this Sparrows Lane was, the girl was sure she would have to find a way back home as it was apparent to her that she was no longer in her world.

Despite the unsettling feeing this unknown bus gave her, she found that she wasn’t as scared as she thought she would be.

[twomrw]

Love is Round

Previous | Next

Final Part

They walk in silence for a bit, until they enter the Humanities building. Mark can tell that Lauren’s mind is far. He doesn’t usually mind silence, but something about this one is making him anxious, so he breaks it.

“Nervous?”

“Hmmm?”

She turns to him in question.

“Nervous about your first issue as the main editor being published?”

“Oh!” She considers the question for a bit, before shaking her head. “Nah! I’ve published a few issues that I wrote with Jasmine, so it’s not really a debut in that sense. But the whole thing being my idea and then me getting to execute it? That part is new for me.”

“Well, for what it’s worth, I think you did a great job.”

Lauren beams at him. “We did a great job.”

Unfortunately, her enthusiasm only lasts so long. They come out of Dr Mubita’s office and Lauren is literally dragging her feet.

“He’s right. It is missing something.”

Mark can’t think of a word other than morose to describe Lauren’s mood. If he’s being completely honest, he’s feeling a bit disappointed himself. He sighs.

“So? Back to the drawing board?”

She nods, a thoughtful expression on her face. “Yeah. I think so.”

“I’ll go through the submissions again and see if anything sticks.”

“Thanks.”

“Why are you thanking me? You’re doing me the favour here.”

Lauren shoots him an unimpressed look. “I thought we’d established that both of us need to monitor our mouths a little more closely, no favours necessary.”

Mark feels a smile spreading on his face and despite his desire to push back, he stays quiet.

“But I’m thanking you because I appreciate your work. I feel like you put care and deliberation in choosing the submissions. And I really appreciate that in a teammate.”

Mark is sure that he’s beaming right now. He’s always loved being part of a team and he’s really missed that feeling this semester. So he smiles wider and agrees with her, “Right. We make a great team and all that.”

“Exactly!”

Lauren drops him off at the door of his building. She’d insisted, because she didn't think he should be carrying his bag and hobbling about. It's a “really sad sight,” she admits, her smile and tone playful. He rolls his eyes and dumps said bag on the floor in the front seat, before clambering in himself. Then he sits in silent gratitude at how even though she keeps up the conversation for the both of them, she never points out his iron grip on the arm rest. She chatters about her classes and the club, while he counts his breaths. And it gets him through the short car ride. 

She waits for him to get inside before she drives off and he thinks with incredible satisfaction that he might just have found himself a new friend. A traitorous part of him asks him how long he thinks this one will last since there’s not much he can offer her. It asks why Lauren would even want to be his friend. And he sits with it.

He sits with it all night until he drifts into a restless sleep. He sits with it in his first class and the next and even the one after that. He sits with it the next day at the student health centre while they take off his cast. He sits with himself until it hits him and then he’s rushing to the nearest computer lab.

Mark bursts through the door of the newspaper club room, raising a hand in apology as Lauren startles and he tries to catch his breath.

“Did you run here? On crutches?” She stands from her seat at the computer, concern etched in her features.

He steps into the room further, before gesturing to his bad foot.

“Your cast is off!”

He nods, collapsing into the chair next to hers and propping his foot up on the one opposite him.

“Congrats!” She offers a still silent Mark as she sits beside him and turns to face him.

He nods his thanks, still breathing hard and watches as her brows furrow.

“Still, I don't think you should be running just yet.”

He smiles, finally finding his voice. “It was more of a hobble.” As soon as the words leave his mouth, he knows he’s in for a stern talking to, even before the scowl sets on Lauren’s face.

He speaks up before she can start,” I know…just another one of my bad life decisions.”

She pauses, probably taken aback at how easy he’s acquiesced. 

He offers a knowing smile, “I had an important delivery to make.” He brandishes the crumpled sheet of paper in her face. The same face that looks like she’s ready to argue about the importance of anything over his healing. Something in his chest warms at the idea, but then he’s talking again and her look turns curious.

“You really think this is the missing letter?” she asks, a mixture of hope and disbelief in her voice.

He nods, suddenly nervous. She takes the sheet of paper from him and he still hasn't gotten used to that assessing look of hers.

She turns to the sheet and he watches carefully as her eyes scan from left to right. His gut fills with knots at the sight of her frown.

“Uhh…I don't know what to tell you—”

“We don't have to use it if it's not good enough…” He starts interrupting her, but the end of his sentence trails off at the look on her face. It's some sympathy, some pity, if he interprets correctly.

“Mark,” she looks up from the sheet with an apology in her eyes, “I didn't write this.”

He’s momentarily stunned into silence. She glances at the sheet and back at him again. “I know what it might look like…”

Her eyes plead with him to believe her as his features form a frown now.

“What are you…” he begins to ask when he takes a closer look at the sheet in front of him. The love letter is typed onto that almost beige-coloured paper that the school gives out and it's typed in the only font that prints well enough on the recycled paper to prevent it from jamming in the printer or smudging. Now that he thinks about it, this letter looks just like all the ones that Lauren wrote.

As realization dawns on him, laughter bubbles up in Mark’s throat until it's spilling into the awkward silence between them.

Now Lauren is looking at him funny, but he can't help it. He laughs some more, a big, old, proper belly laugh that leaves tears at the corner of his eyes and soreness in his abdominal muscles.

When he’s finally able to compose himself, he offers Lauren a radiant smile.

“I know you didn't write it…” 

She seems surprised by his certainty.

“I know you didn't write it…” he repeats. ”Because I did.”

Laurens mouth falls open in shock. “Wha—”

He nods, amusement playing on his features. He points to the two letters that the letter is addressed to. “I thought maybe what we were missing is a display of self-love.”

“Huh.” Lauren seems to deflate in understanding. She glanced at the letter in her hands again. “M.E. Me…not Mark Everest?”

“Oh?” Mark lets out a sound of amused surprise. “Well I guess in this case it's both.”

And now the two of them are barely able to keep upright with their laughter.

“You thought…” Giggle. “That I thought…” Giggle. Giggle. “You wrote this.” Guffaw.

Lauren nods through her responding laughter.

“My biggest fan, huh?”

“Wha– I—” she tries to defend herself, but she seems to notice the twinkle in his eye. “Whatever!”

She glances at the letter again and then him.

“Love is round.” She grins.

He opens his mouth to defend himself and she shakes her head, speaking over him, “Mark … this is really good.”

He looks down at his hands.

“I guess this is what Dr Mubita was talking about.”

Mark’s eyes snap up at her, “I still don’t know where he got those rumours from.”

“Clearly not rumours.” Lauren corrects with a grin and Mark can’t help but smile back.

“Between you and me,” Lauren leaned towards him and he moved into her space too, hanging on her every word, “I wouldn’t be surprised if Dr Everest had something to do with it.” She raised a single eyebrow. “The two of them have seemed pretty chummy lately.”

Mark’s mouth fell open. 

“I can’t believe doctor patient confidentiality means nothing to her.”

Lauren chuckles. “I’m pretty sure doctors aren’t supposed to see their family members.”

Mark looks stunned. “How did you know?”

Lauren rolls her eyes. “Outside of the shared last name? You guys look so much alike. Besides,” she points to herself, “Journalism major. I pay attention.”

Mark shrugs. “Most people don’t even notice.”

“I’m not most people. I notice a lot of things.”

“I’m starting to realize that.” Mark mutters in amusement.

“And you don’t mind?”

Mark can sense that despite the wry smile on Lauren’s face, the question does have a serious undertone, so he injects as much genuine kindness into his smile as he can manage and shakes his head in answer. He gets the impression that this girl is used to being told she’s too much. His smile grows at the thought that just a week ago, he’d thought the same thing.

Lauren looks relieved. “Good. Because…” she hesitates. “More than the writing…” she glances at the letter again. “It sounds like you’re in a really good place.” 

She chances a glance at him and for the thousandth time in the span of fifteen minutes Lauren has managed to surprise him.

She looks back down at the letter. “I know it’s not my place, but I was a little worried about you.”

“Hey!” His tone takes on a bit of a reprimand. He shrugs. “That’s what friends are for, right?”

He answers her beaming smile with one of his own and he thinks that if there were a definite path to being okay, these might be his first few steps in the right direction.

Previous | Next

More Love is Round: Love is Round and Other Stories

More of my Writing: Masterlist

[kifu]

So a coworker that is a friend, but not my fiance, broke down crying today because of the way both me and my fiance are treated by management at work today. Not sure what kind of commentary that is about how shithole it is for the three of us there.

[helliontherapscallion]

(Y/n) and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Week: Monday

Tuesday     Wednesday     Thursday (Part 1)     Thursday (Part 2)     Friday     Saturday     Sunday

Spotify Playlist (collaborative)

Pairing: SBI x sister!reader (she/her pronouns)

Warnings: swearing, toxic friends, panic spirals/attacks, injury, taking pills for pain

Summary: you have a very bad week, how will you manage? (Characters are fully human, but based on their DSMP characters. High school AU)

Word count: 4,818

(A/N): I’ve never played volleyball or watched Haikyuu before, so I’m not 100% certain how games work. Also, I probs should’ve split this into two parts, but eh.

“(Y/n) love, you look homeless in that sweater, it’s literally so fucking ugly.”

“Haha, yeah it is. I guess I just wasn’t really trying today.”

Adrian snorted, scanning your body with his cold eyes. “Today? You don’t try at all. You always look like trash.”

“More than trash, you always look like you just rolled in dog shit.” Sammy threw her head back and cackled at her own joke.

Your friends around you erupted in laughter as you four walked down the hallways of the hell that was your public high school. You awkwardly chuckled alongside them, you didn’t really find it funny, but you didn’t want to draw more attention towards yourself. 

“Seriously, (y/n), I really don’t know why we still hang out around you anymore. You really let yourself go.”

“Yeah, now that I think about it, you did gain like five pounds in the past week.”

“Really not a good look on you, love. Then again, nothing you do can make you look good anymore.”

You tried to not let their comments get to you, you really did, but sometimes their comments just rooted themselves deep into your subconscious. You didn’t try looking good anymore, you couldn’t wear anything without them criticising it. You could never win. 

“Awe,” Adrien poked your cheeks, “stop looking so sad. We’re just trying to give you advice. You really need it.”

“Yeah, (y/n). You’re so sensitive, get a grip.”

“Guys look, I think she’s gonna cry!” 

You wiped at your welling eyes with the sleeves of your sweater. “I’m not. I just got allergies.”

Annie rolled her eyes. “Uh-huh. Anyways, what are our plans for Halloween? We should totally dress up like sexy angels! I think that’d be so cool. Like, Clint’s party won’t be ready for us.”

“Oh, about that Annie…”

“God, what now (y/n)?”

“I was actually planning on spending Halloween night taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating with my brothers and dad. I won’t be able to go with you guys, I’m sorry.”

The group groaned loudly. “C’mon (y/n), you never hang out with us anymore.”

“Oh my god (y/n) you still go trick-or-treating? We’re juniors.”

“I’m sorry, I’ve just been busy with my AP classes and studying for the SAT. My team captain’s really been pushing the team hard with volleyball practice. State finals are soon and we want first this year.”

“No matter how much studying you do, you’re gonna fail. You’re stupid, so why try? Just give up and hang out with uuussss.”

“Yeah (y/n),” Adrien looked at you suspiciously, “you’ve been ignoring us lately. I thought we were friends. Do you even wanna be friends anymore?”

You felt a flare of panic flare up in your gut. “I do! I-I just have so much going on right now. It’s starting to get hard to juggle everything.”

“We’re starting to think that you don’t like us anymore, we want our (y/n) back!” Sammy whined. The others agreed with her, making you feel guilty. You were ignoring them, it was selfish in your opinion. You supposed that you could skip out on taking Tommy and Tubbo trick-or-treating, there’ll be other years you could take them. 

“I guess I can take Tommy and Tubbo another year. They’d just have to go without me this year.”

They cheered, giving you praise. You beamed at that, they seemed down lately and you loved it when they’d give you compliments. They didn’t do that much, so that made their praise more special to you. You strived to get compliments.

You four went off to your separate first classes for the day. Yours was statistics, a class you’ve been struggling in lately. You didn’t know anybody in there except for your oldest brother Techno, so you tried to stick with him. Unfortunately, the teacher’s seating chart placed you both on opposite ends of the room, probably because of your last names indicating that you’re siblings. You placed your stuff down on the table and plopped down into your seat, already drained. You had a long day ahead of you; you had a major AP world history test in your next class, you had to give a presentation in your AP english class that was worth a quarter of your final grade, and you had a semifinals volleyball match that would last until late in the night. If your team won, you would be going to state finals, so it was a lot of pressure on your shoulders. You were the main setter, so you had to really focus tonight if you were going to score your team points. 

“Alright class, pull out your homework!”

Fuck, you had homework? You looked in your folder, only to see the unfinished sheet full of equations you didn’t understand staring back at you tauntingly. Mr. Mullins walked over to your desk, took one look at your blank homework, and just walked right past you. Another big fat zero in the gradebook for you, just what you needed. At least he wasn’t in the mood to berate you today. You didn’t need any more stress piled onto your shoulders. 

The lesson felt like it dragged on forever with you frantically trying to copy down the notes on the board and trying to understand the content at the same time. Overtime, he would call students up to the board. Hopefully, he would skip over you today. “Ms. Minecraft.” Goddamn it, you spoke too soon.

Your head perked up and you looked at him. “Yes sir?”

“Come up to the board and solve this.”

Gulping, you felt panic rise up in you and stood up with shaky knees. On the board was part of the newer content he was just teaching. Something that you understood only a little bit better than the rest, and that’s not saying much. You still didn’t understand the content completely. Your writing was shaky as you wrote what you thought was right on the board. Finding the answer, you circled it and looked at Mr. Mullins. He looked disappointed. 

“That’s wrong, Ms. Minecraft. Please sit down.”

You felt like your face was on fire as you saw the entire class burning holes into you with their eyes. Though they looked dead inside, as per usual with any morning class full of tired teenagers, their effects still took hold on you. You wanted to crawl into a dark hole and die. You sat back down and stared at your note packet, you couldn’t focus on the lecture anymore. Your attention was fully on your surroundings, you were hyper aware of every little whisper and bouncing leg in your peripheral vision. You could feel yourself spiraling, usually that wouldn’t happen until after your third class. Today was going to be rough. 

The loud chime of the bell startled you out of your thoughts. You shakily put your papers back into your binder and put the binder back into your backpack. Right as you were about to walk through the door, you heard Techno catch up to you. “Hey, you good?”

“Yeah Tech, I’m just peachy.”

“Are you su-”

“Technoblade. I’m fine. Now if you excuse me, I have to get to my next class. I have an important presentation I’ve gotta prepare for.”

Without giving him any room to argue, you rushed off to your english class. You had Adrian and Annie in your class. For your presentation, you were paired up with people that you hardly knew. At least they did their part in the project, you were certain you were going to die if you got paired up with Adrian and Annie again. You loved them, but they never did any part of their portion of work. They left it to you to finish at midnight the day the project was due. To be fair, they both told you they had family emergencies, so you covered for them just that once. 

You pulled out your flashcards only to have them knocked out of your hand when someone bumped into you. You quickly crouched to pick them up so you could have them in order by time class started. “Oops, sorry love.”

It was Annie. She and Adrian towered over your crouched form smirking at you. Looking back down to rearrange your cards, you murmured “it’s ok.”

“Are you ready for this presentation, I know I am.”

You smiled a little. “Actually, I think I’m going to ace this. English is my best subject.”

“Yeah (y/n), I wasn’t asking you. I was talking to Annie. Besides, you’re probably going to fail this.” Adrian scoffed. 

“Thank you for asking, Adrian,” Annie shot a pointed look at you, “at least someone cares.”

The bell rang, signifying the start of your second block. You felt like you had a lump in your throat blocking your breathing. If Adrian, one of the smartest kids in your english class, said that you were going to fail, then you probably were going to fail. That would take a huge hit on your grade, this project was worth a quarter of your final grade after all. You were zoned out for the entirety of your classmate’s presentations putting yourself into a spiral. You jumped when Mr. Todd, your teacher, called your group up to present.

You stood stiffly in the middle of your two groupmates and clutched your flashcards with clammy hands. Luckily, your part of the presentation was not first. When it came to your part, you were stuttering and tumbling over your words. You even dropped your flashcards in front of everybody, causing half the class to snicker. Your face burned as you hurried to pick them up and your other groupmate took this as a signal to continue the presentation. You still had an important point to make that was integral for the set up to your other groupmate’s part of her presentation. You stared at your flashcards for the rest of the presentation. 

When the bell rang, you made a mad dash out of the classroom. You didn’t want to talk to anybody, especially not Adrian or Annie. It was a relief that you had your lunch period at the moment. You could hide yourself in the bathroom nobody used and let your panic attack ride itself out. 

You ducked inside a stall and sat on the toilet, bringing your knees up to bury your face in them. The tears and panic you were holding in all day let itself out with explosive effects. You started to hyperventilate as you muffled your sobs with your knee. Your chest painfully clenched so you couldn’t breathe. Your limbs felt like they weighed two tons each and they were shaking intensely. You didn’t hear the end of the lunch bell ring. By the time you calmed down slightly, you were five minutes late to AP world history. 

You packed your stuff up in a hurry, power walking through the halls. You probably looked like shit, but you didn’t care, you had a class to get to and a test that you probably wouldn’t be able to finish now. You lost ten minutes of your test time. When you tried to open the closed door, you found that it was locked. You had to knock if you wanted to get in. You raised a shaking hand to knock, but the door was opened by a less-than-impressed Ms. Osborne. She ushered you to your desk and gave you your unit test. 

You couldn’t focus. The multiple choice section was usually a breeze to you, but you couldn’t comprehend any of the questions. When you could comprehend them, you couldn’t concentrate on choosing an answer. You did your best to find the correct answers, but you were almost positive that at least half of them were wrong. Your handwriting was nearly incomprehensible and your essay topic was something you didn’t study for. When you were done with half of the body paragraphs, the bell rang and you had to turn in your unfinished test. 

You had your independent online psychology course next in the library. You usually worked alone secluded in a corner deep inside the library where nobody went. You would get some solace in being alone. Maybe you’d calm down enough so that you could ride home with your brothers and not go for a long walk so you could avoid them. 

You settled down in the comfortable chair and pulled out your laptop to get started. Psychology was your favorite class. It was easy for you to understand, it didn’t have much of a workload attached to it, and it was fun to learn about. It always calmed you down reading about the intricate workings of the brain. 

By time the day was over, you got most of your psychology work done and you were on your way to the car you shared with Technoblade and Wilbur. You took out your spare keys and slumped against the window in the backseat. You were absolutely drained after your terrible day and you still felt panic swirling deep within you, waiting for the right moment to strike. 

You stretched out your legs across the seat and leaned your back against the door. For the first time that day, you felt peaceful. You still had at least fifteen minutes to yourself until your brothers would start to make your way to the car. You felt the panic subside slightly and you fully relaxed. You closed your eyes and let yourself drift off into a light sleep. You needed your energy for tonight’s match. 

The door you were leaning on swung open and you tumbled backwards smacking the back of your head against the metal frame of the car and reverse scorpioning onto the pavement. Your entire upper back and the back of your head exploded in pain and your lower back hurt slightly from having your back bent uncomfortably. You heard laughter above you as you felt tears of pain start to slip out of your eyes. Your legs swung out from their place above your face and landed on the ground with a painful thump. 

You saw three blurry figures above you laughing at your pain. You reached up with a shaky hand to wipe at your tears and saw Adrian, Sammy, and Annie. They were cackling as you shakily stood up and sat on the comfortable seats of the car. You waited patiently for them to calm down. 

Eventually, Sammy calmed down enough to explain what happened to you through chuckles. “I’m sorry (y/n), it was just too good to resist. You should’ve seen your face.”

She and the others broke back into uncontrolled laughter as they remembered your embarrassing fall. You were used to their antics, and quite frankly it felt good to make your friends laugh, even if it were at your own expense. Just as they were calming down once again, you saw Wilbur and Techno walk out the front doors of the school laughing at something the other said. Annie and Sammy heard their laughter and quickly turned around to watch them. They had massive crushes on both of your brothers, many in the school did. 

Your brothers made their way to your shared car and stopped to look at you in slight confusion. “(Y/n), were you crying? What happened?” Wilbur asked worriedly. 

“Yea-”

“Oh Wilbur, it was terrible, (y/n) fell out of the car. I don’t think she closed the door before she leaned on it.” Annie interrupted you with a faked concerned tone, a complete contradiction to her reaction before your brothers came.

Techno hastily made his way to the driver’s side door. “Well, if she’s hurt we better get going, right Wilbur?”

“Yes! We better get going, please excuse us.” He sat in the passenger seat and closed the door without hearing Sammy and Annie’s desperate attempts to stop them so they could talk to them. Your brothers thought Sammy and Annie were annoying. They absolutely hated being around them. 

Waving apologetically at your friends, you pulled yourself into the car and closed the door. Annie and Sammy looked offended that you had let Wilbur and Techno get away from them. Avoiding their eyes, you looked down at your tightly clasped hands. They were shaking slightly. 

After pulling out of the parking lot, Techno glanced at you from the rearview mirror. “You ok (y/n)?”

“Yeah, my back just hurts and I have a headache.”

“Well, do you wanna go and get some ice cream? We still have some time left before we have to pick up Tommy and Tubbo. Dad doesn’t have to know,” Wilbur asked you.

You sighed, you wanted nothing other than to take a nap before your match. “Sorry, but I need to watch what I eat today. We have semifinals tonight and I can’t have anything sugary. I just wanna go home and take a nap.”

Your brothers were quiet for the rest of the car ride until you reached your driveway. Techno twisted his body around in his seat to look at you after he put the car in park. “Did you actually fall out of the car?”

Shit, should you tell him the truth? If you did, they would almost certainly get mad at your friends. Sammy and Annie would never forgive you if you turned your brothers against them. You decided that you would take one for the team again. “Yeah, I wasn’t paying attention.” 

Techno snorted. “Well, that was stupid,” he jokingly said. “Next time you’re gonna get run over by a parked car.”

You knew that he meant that as a joke, but it still stung. Stamping your emotions down, you laughed with him and Wilbur. It was stupid of you to do, you shouldn’t have let your guard down if you weren’t at home. 

You winced as you slung your bag on your back and walked the best you could back into your house. Your upper back was killing you. You made a beeline to the bathroom and rummaged through the medicine cabinet looking for some pain relief pills. You took some and shambled off to your room to take your well earned nap. You set your alarm’s setting to its loudest volume and passed out. 

You jolted up and gasped when you felt a wave of pain hit your upper back. You blearily looked at the time. You had a little under two hours before you had to get back to the school for your match. You groaned when you pulled yourself up, your head pounding with every turn. You pulled yourself out of bed and once again took some pain pills. You went downstairs to grab an apple or something to eat. Your dad was at the stove stirring something around in a pot. 

He turned to look at you with an excited smile. “You ready for your match tonight? You’re gonna kill it!” 

You only nodded halfheartedly and plopped yourself down at the table with your apple. Philza frowned at your lack of enthusiasm, but he figured that it was just because you just woke up from a nap. You’d bounce back eventually. 

“Wilbur told me that you fell out of the car? How’d you do that?”

You shrugged, wincing slightly as it moved your back slightly. “Dunno, must’ve not closed the door.”

Philza was at your side in a hurry, his hands hovering over your shoulders. “Did you get hurt? Show me where it hurts.”

“My back and the back of my head.”

“Can I move your shirt so I could look?”

“Sure, go ahead.”

You felt him gently pull the neck of your t-shirt away from your body to peek at your back. You heard his breath hitch as he looked. Was it that bad? “Good god (y/n),” he breathed out.

“What, is it bad?”

“Don’t you feel how bad it is? Your entire back is bruised. I think there’s some blood too.”

“Damn.”

“First, language. Second, that’s all you have to say? Aren’t you in pain?”

“Yeah, but the pain pills are gonna kick in soon. I’ll be fine.”

“Would you be able to play tonight? I really think you should sit this one out.”

“No, I’m playing tonight Dad.”

“(Y/n),” oh no, he was using his stern dad voice. “It’s not a good idea to play tonight. You’re hurt, I’m sure they’ll understand if you sit this one out.”

You felt frustration rise up in you. “We’re in the semifinals. They need me, I’m the main setter. They’d lose without me playing.”

“(Y/n), I’m serious. You’re not playing today.”

“Dad, I am playing today. Look, I’ll talk to Coach Williams to see if I could be rotated out more often. I know she’d let me.”

He stared at you for a while before sighing. He knew there was no convincing you. “...Fine. But you better talk to Coach Williams about sitting out for a bit if your back hurts too much or I swear I’ll drag you off the court myself.”

You smiled a little at the small victory. “Thank you! I promise I’ll sit out if needed.”

He quirked an eyebrow at you. “If needed?”

You sighed, “when needed.”

He walked over to the pot, stirring the contents slightly. “That’s better. Dinner’s almost ready, I made some pasta.”

“It smells good, but I think I’m skipping out on it for today. I already ate this apple and if I eat any more I’ll probably hurl on the court.”

He made a displeased noise in the back of his throat, “fine, but you’re eating something when we get home tonight.”

He walked off to go get your brothers and Tubbo for dinner. You could hear their booming steps racing down the stairs towards the kitchen. They raced into the kitchen and almost crashed into the back of your chair. You stood up and looked at the two excitable fifth graders. “Careful boys, don’t want you getting hurt.”

“You’re no fun (y/n),” Tommy whined.

“Sure, sorry bout that,” Tubbo beamed at you.

You chuckled, making your way upstairs to get ready for your match. You took off your clothes with great difficulty and slipped on your jersey and your spandex shorts. They were way too short for your tastes, but you couldn’t wear longer ones, they’d just get in the way. You fondly remembered how your dad flipped out when he first saw you in them, he hated them with a burning passion. He still hates how short they are.

When you were struggling with pulling your hair back into a tight, sleek ponytail, the back of your head throbbed continuously with pain. You most likely bruised your scalp. 

You slipped on your shoes that were made specifically for playing volleyball and headed downstairs. You were met with Tommy and Tubbo jumping in excitement seeing you in your uniform. They loved going to your matches, even if they would always pass out in the car after them because matches usually ended late at night. You grabbed your dad’s keys and headed to his car. Before you could lead the boys out the door, Philza’s voice stopped you.

“(Y/n), coat.”

You huffed, grabbing your coat and putting it on before tossing him his keys. You four got into the car and set out for the high school. The short drive was filled with Tommy and Tubbo asking you questions about volleyball and encouraging you. “(Y/n), you’re gonna kick their butts!”

“Yeah!” Tubbo cheered 

Despite their voices causing a spike of pain to shoot throughout your head, you laughed at their enthusiasm. It was always nice to hear your little brother and pseudo brother in the stands cheering you on, they were your and your team’s personal cheerleaders. 

Not long after you got to the school, you were stretching with your team on the gym’s floor. Your posse found their way into the stands, sitting in the front row. The away team watched your team like a hawk, analysing every single player for any weakness. It was because of them that you tried to not show any pain when you moved your back. You talked to Coach Williams before the team stretch and she was obviously sympathetic with your situation. She agreed to switching you out with the standby setter every few rotations. 

The echo of the whistles caused pain to ring in your head every time someone scored or a foul was called. Your team captain, Haley, was constantly, yet discreetly checking on you throughout the game since she was always next to you. She was the team’s main spiker after all. 

The game droned on and on before you realized that the opposing team was targeting you when they were offensive. They probably realized that you were injured a round ago. You tried your best to block every ball that was sent your way, but a few managed to slip past you when you couldn’t move fast enough. This team was good, but your team was better. 

The score during the final round was tied and the clock was on it’s last ten seconds as the ball soared your way. You dove to hit it, landing on your shoulder on the hard floor and hitting it up high enough for Haley to spike the ball down. The crowd went wild as the ball bounced off from the opposite end of the court almost simultaneously with the screeching of the referee’s whistle, signifying the end of the game and your team��s victory.

You laid on the floor in pain, you thought you must’ve pulled your tender muscles in your back and shoulder. It hurt to move it. You felt one of your teammates grab your hand to yank you up into a giant full team group hug. You yelped slightly in pain as you felt arms press against your back and hands firmly patting your bruised shoulders. You were whisked away into the locker room to change into the pajamas you brought with you. 

“(Y/n), are you alright? That was a pretty hard fall.” Haley’s soft voice asked you. You felt your heart sing in your chest. 

“Yeah Hales, I’m fine. I just pulled a few muscles.”

Her perfectly shaped eyebrows furrowed together, “are you sure? As your team captain and your friend, I’m worried about you.”

You couldn’t help the smile that spread across your face. You felt warm knowing that she cared about you. “I’m sure, worrywart.”

She rolled her eyes playfully and breathed out a soft laugh. “Sorry for asking, grump.” Her laugh sounded like music to your ears. 

Your phone vibrated in your pajama pocket, alerting you of your family waiting for you in the car and for you to hurry up. You sighed, “sorry Hales, I gotta go. Dad’s getting impatient.” 

She gave you a small smile. “Oh, well, tell your family I said hi! Good work on the court today, I wouldn’t ask for a different setter.”

You felt your cheeks warm up and you watched with wide eyes as she left the locker room. Your phone vibrated again, your dad was really starting to get impatient. 

You walked out of the school as fast as you could to find your dad’s car waiting for you up front. Jumping in and softly closing the passenger side door, you slumped against the window. “(Y/n),” Tommy’s tired voice slurred. “That. Was. Pog…”

You glanced back to see him and Tubbo snoring away in their seats. Your match was more exciting than usual, so that must’ve really tired them out. You chuckled, turning back around to lean against the window. You took care not to put any weight on your shoulder or back. 

“(Y/n), you were amazing out there, but why did you dive for that ball? That fall looked like it hurt.”

You hummed tiredly, “thanks Dad. I just did what I thought would win us the game. We’re going to finals!” You quietly sang. 

“Did you hurt your shoulder?”

“I actually don’t know, but I think I might’ve pulled a few muscles. Nothing too bad.”

“...I scheduled a doctor’s appointment for you tomorrow morning during your first and second blocks. I want you to get your back, shoulder, and head looked at. You looked miserable the entire match.”

You sighed, too tired to argue, “mmk.”

He chuckled before the car fell into a comfortable silence. The gentle bouncing of the car and the subtle hum of the engine was lulling you to sleep. Your eyelids were drooping by the time you pulled into your driveway. 

You drug yourself out of the car and into the house, leaving Philza with the sleeping boys. You walked straight to your room and plopped down on your bed, passing out instantly for the second time that day.

Series taglist (comment if you want to be added):

[skyeet-the-writer]

The Love Among Us

Chapter 1-- I’d Never Snitch On Daddy

so i haven’t seen many corpse husband x reader stories on here, so i decided to upload one myself. i’ve been watching jacksepticeye’s among us videos and when i heard corpse talk for the first time, i was like, “hol up” and now i’ve been obsessed with him. also, go stream his music on spotify, it’s amazing. enjoy! x. 

 corpse husband x female!reader

summary: while playing among us, y/n watches corpse kill felix in o2. when his body is reported, however, she doesn’t tell who killed him. 

 word count: ~3.6k

warnings: swearing, mentions of death (not real death), mentions of murder (not real murder)

EDIT: before i wrote this and after i published it, i did not know that corpse did not like to be referred to as “daddy”. had i known this, i would have not even thought of posting this. and since i know now, i won’t refer to him as such in the future. thank you. (10/19/2020)

EDIT 2: this is the first part to my corpse x reader series. i will be adding chapters as we go!

next>

4 rounds before the incident

“I was in coms with PJ!” Sean exclaims. 

“He is doing the liar voice!” Felix shouts with a laugh. 

“I’m not,” Sean tries to say, but everyone talks over him and the voting time ends. Everyone left alive, though it was only four people, had all voted for him and he yells at them as he gets ejected. 

stinky was not the imposter

2 imposters remain

The round ends and everyone unmutes themselves. 

“Lizzie, you saw Felix kill me and you did nothing!” Roomie yells as soon as the round ends and the imposters are revealed. 

“Yeah, because I was the other imposter.”

“Oh. Okay, well that makes sense.”

Everyone laughs and Ken starts the round again. 

“Wait, can I invite y/n to play? She’s doing her twenty-four-hour stream and she just finished playing Monopoly with Mark, Bob, and Wade,” says Lizzie, looking down at her phone as they all appear back in the waiting room. 

“Yes,” Corpse blurts out and there are a few laughs and chuckles. 

“You were quick to answer, Corpse,” Sean teases. 

“Shut up,” Corpse mumbles and there are even more laughs. 

Lizzie smiles and taps into her phone. “I’m gonna invite her.”

~

“I can’t believe that you actually made that deal, y/n,” Wade is telling you after ending the second round of Monopoly that you’ve played with them. 

You smile and cross your legs on your chair. “Look, I was going bankrupt and it seemed good at the time. Besides, Mark was going to win anyway, he owned half of the board.” Your phone buzzes beside you on your desk and you pick it up. “Lizzie texted me.” There’s a sound effect that plays in your headset and you look up at your screen and smile. “Thanks to _lorieplays _for donating a hundred dollars, that means a lot. Thank you so much.”

“Do you want to play another round?” Marks asks. 

You shake your head, reading the text from your friend in England. “No, I don’t want to lose to you again.” You laugh. “Nah, Lizzie wants me to play Among Us with her and a few others. It was fun playing with you guys.”

“It was even though you took all of my money,” Bob snaps. 

You laugh. “Yeah, yeah. See you guys later.”

“Bye,” says Mark.

“See y--” Wade begins but you cut him off when you disconnect from the call. 

“Oops.” You put a hand over your mouth and laugh. “Sorry, Wade. Okay.” You straighten up and glance over everything, making sure it’s all working properly. “I have to pee and I think my roommate ordered pizza, so we’ll be back after this short break. Enjoy this live feed of my pet rats.” You giggle and switch the stream over to a view of your two rats in their cage where you have a camera set up. You take your headset off and head out of your recording room. 

Every two months, you have a twenty-four-hour livestream where you play games with your friends from all around the world. Despite being only twenty-five, your Youtube channel had grown exponentially in the past three years and you’ve had the chance to meet lots of other Youtubers like Markiplier, PewDiePie, and your close friend, LDShadowLady. 

Currently, you’re on hour twenty of twenty-four and you’re beginning to feel the effects of not sleeping for a whole day. You had been drinking coffee and energy drinks for the past four hours and that seemed to perk you up for two hours max. But your roommate had ordered pizza and that would hopefully wake you up. 

After going to the bathroom and grabbing an entire box of pizza, you return to your recording room and sit down. You put your headset back on and eat a slice of pizza before switching the views back to you. “And we’re back. I hope you guys enjoyed my rats because I don’t. They keep me up at night.”

You read a comment while loading up Among Us and laugh. “No, they’re not dead. They’re sleeping. They do that a lot when they’re not fighting.” 

When you finally get into the game and entire the code, you spawn in. You also quickly join the Discord chat and wince when nearly ten voices hit you at once. 

“y/n!” exclaims Lizzie and the other voices die down for a moment before rising to greet you. 

You wince again but laugh. “Jesus, you guys are loud. Hey, Lizzie.” You move your character to the customize tab and go to try and switch your color. But then you frown and realize that you’re stuck with being dark blue. “Damn, I wanted to be white.”

“Do you want to switch?” Corpse asks. 

Your eyes widen you your stomach flips. You hadn’t noticed Corpse was in this game. Immediately, your chat became flooded with keyboard smashing and lots of “omg my shipp” and “y/n rlly said ‘anna oop-’” 

“Uh, yeah, if you don’t mind,” you manage to stutter out and take a bite of pizza as Corpse’s player comes over and the white option becomes available. You select it and also select the goggles in the hats menu. 

“How’s your stream going?” asks Sean. 

You shrug. “Pretty good. I’m super tired, though. I literally almost fell asleep while playing Monopoly with Mark, Wade, and Bob.”

“You went to college, right?” You’re pretty sure that’s Roomie. 

“Yep,” you affirm with a nod even though they can’t see you. “You’d think that those all-nighters writing papers and studying for finals would make me able to do this.”

There’s a laugh in the group and the round starts.

3 rounds before the incident

You scratch your eyebrow and sigh in relief when you’re the crewmate. You mute yourself and slide up in your chair. 

“I like being the crewmate,” you say, heading towards admin as a habit. “It’s a lot less stressful than being imposter.”

After doing your tasks in admin and fueling the engines, you stumble across a dead body in the lower engine and a vent closing. 

“Oh,” you say, and press the report button. You unmute yourself and begin with, “So I saw a vent close but I didn’t see who went in.”

“Who died?” asks Lizzie. 

“Felix,” says Sean. 

You smirk. “It’s always yellow that dies first.”

“Where was the body?” Ken asks. 

“Lower engine,” you reply. 

“I was in medbay with Corpse doing the scan so it wasn’t him,” PJ says and Corpse makes a noise of confirmation. 

This makes your cheeks heat up and you smack a hand over your mouth. Your chat explodes again but you decide to ignore it. 

“And I was doing wires in cafeteria,” Lizzie says. 

“Sean, where were you?” 

“I was in reactor doing the simon says thing,” he answers. 

You sigh. “I hate that one. What about you, Ken?”

“I was with Roomie in electrical doing the power thing. You know, the one where you have to divert it somewhere else.”

“So do we skip then?” asks Lizzie. 

“No one is super sus, so I’m going to skip,” you answer. 

When no one is ejected, you mute yourself again. “I dunno why, but Sean seems pretty sus. Because I didn’t see him on the way down from upper engine. But I guess he could have gotten there in time.” You shrug and run over to the trash chute in the cafeteria. “RIP to Felix, though.”

After doing the trash there, you head down to storage, running into Corpse doing the wires in there. You wait there to clear him and once you do, you run a few circles around him to get his attention and he follows you over to the trash in storage and watches you do that. After that, the two of you head over to electric together and do wires there. 

Suddenly, there’s a body reported and you unmute yourself. 

“Sean just killed Lizzie in front of me!” exclaims PJ. 

“PJ killed Lizzie,” Sean retorts, flipping the blame. “I watched it, he didn’t realize I was there and murdered her.”

“I watched PJ do the scan in medbay, he’s cleared,” Corpse says and you find yourself smiling for no reason. “Sean, you killed Lizzie.”

“I knew he was sus,” you say, grabbing another piece of pizza. You look at the box and your eyes widen. Had you really already eaten half of it?

“Wait wait, how am I sus?” Sean asks. 

You take a moment to swallow. “Because when I was doing fuel earlier, I was running down from upper engine and didn’t see you in reactor. Sure, maybe you could have gotten there earlier, but it was super weird.” 

The discussion time ends and PJ immediately goes to vote for Sean as well as you, Corpse, and everyone else still alive. Sean ends up getting ejected. 

stinky was an imposter 

1 imposter remains

“You’re such a detective, y/n,” Sean says when he gets ejected. 

You laugh. “I just play this game too much.” You then mute yourself and smile. “I am a genius.” 

You end up finishing your tasks quickly after that and then stand in the cafeteria and eat another piece of pizza and read some of the chat. 

“’ What am I going to do after this?’ I don’t know. I might play some Minecraft. Should I have a poll on Twitter? I’m stuck between public Among Us games, Minecraft, and taking random quizzes on Buzzfeed.” You smile and hear another sound effect and something pops up on the screen. “Thank you to coochie man for donating a hundred dollars, that means a lot.” You laugh at their name. “I love your name, by the way.” 

There’s some rattling in the cage behind you and you turn around to see one of your rats drinking water. You turn back to the chat and read another comment. “’ Do you have a crush on Corpse?’” You blush and smile, biting your lip. “I mean, his voice is hot. I’ve never met him since he lives in San Diego and I live in h/t, but yeah, I guess I do. I’ve been listening to his music for the past few days and it’s really good, you guys should go check it out.”

You look up and unmute yourself when a body is reported. “Who died?” you ask. “I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Are you already done with your tasks, y/n?” Corpse asks. 

God, even the way he says your name is making you blush. “Yeah, I get them done quick.”

“She does that,” says Lizzie, “She always gets her tasks done quick.”

“Ken is dead by the way,” says Roomie and your snort, smacking a hand over your mouth. “I found him in the hallway by navigation. Where was everyone else?”

“I was in cafeteria doing nothing,” you say, leaning back in your chair and spinning around just a little. “I think I saw PJ downloading while I was in there, but I wasn’t paying attention.”

“Yeah, I was downloading,” says Ken. 

After more discussion, Corpse points out that Jaiden had been following him and it looked like she had been faking tasks. 

“No I haven’t,” she says. 

“That sounds like something the imposter would say,” you hum with a smirk. “That’s pretty sus, Jaiden.”

Everyone else agrees and you all end up voting Jaiden out. 

jaiden was the imposter

0 imposters remain

You cheer as the round ends and a blue victory screen pops up for the crewmates. “Good game, guys,” you say and play again, waiting for the host. 

~

1 round before the incident 

“Oh my god, I’m imposter again?” you groan and sigh when you spawn back in. “I was just imposter, I don’t want to be it again. I’m so bad at it,”

After another short round of you and Felix losing to the crewmates, you all agreed to play two more rounds before Sean had to leave. So you move your character to admin where PJ is and fake the card swipe before moving over to the admin security thing where you could see who was around where. Luckily, no one appeared to be near admin, so you quickly kill PJ and escape through the vent and come out through medbay. 

“Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god,” you whisper over and over, running down to storage. “That was clean.” You fake getting fuel and go back up to the upper engine. 

When PJ’s body is reported, you see that your fellow imposter, Sean, had reported it. You stay silent for most of the round and only say that you were in the fuel area when it was reported. 

“Yeah, I saw her run past electrical earlier,” Corpse says. You blush and glance at your exploding chat and shake your head. 

After everyone skips the round, you mute yourself once more and head towards navigation. “I hate this.” You drag the last syllable and watch Lizzie enter the room. You wait a moment before walking towards her and killing her, jumping into one of the vents. You let out a sigh and flex your fingers. “I’m so stressed.” You exit out of the vent into shields and your heart stops when you see someone else in there but you realize that it’s the other imposter, Sean, and you relax. 

You run past him and go to the trash compartments and pretend to unload those. And that’s how the rest of the round goes. You kill someone, someone reports it and you vote someone off. Eventually, you and Sean do a double kill and end up winning the round.

You unmute yourself. 

“Let’s go!” Sean exclaims and you smile. 

“I can’t believe you killed me, y/n!” shouts Lizzie. “I thought we were friends.”

You laugh. “There are no friends in this game. I’m not loyal to anyone in this game. You could be my best friend and I would fucking murder you.”

“That’s cold,” says Roomie as everyone else spawns back in. 

“Yeah,” you nod. 

“Wait, PJ disconnected,” says Sean, and you all end up waiting for him to rejoin. 

In that time, you look at your chat and say, “Hey, do you guys have any questions for who I’m playing with. I’m asking you, chat.”

“I swear if someone asks about my hands, I’m leaving,” Corpse says and everyone laughs. 

You laugh louder when you read a comment and read it aloud, “_Ironlady _says that you should be a hand model, Corpse.”

“Okay, I’m leaving,” you hear Corpse say over everyone laughing. 

“No, stay!” you exclaim, trying not to laugh. “C’mon, don’t leave.”

He sighs deeply and your brain goes fuzzy. “Fine. I’ll stay for you.”

You beam and your tummy turns. You ignore the whistles and remarks from everyone else and stand beside Corpse. You suddenly wish that the little bean characters could hold hands. 

When PJ joins the server again, Ken starts the round and you cross your fingers, hoping to get crewmate. 

0 rounds before the incident

You mute yourself and sigh when you’re a crewmate. “Thank god.” You let out a breath and go over to admin with everyone else. You swipe your card and go to the cafeteria to do some wires there. 

The game turns out to be rather uneventful. A few people die and two people are voted off before the game gets truly interesting. And that happens when you walk in on Corpse and Felix. 

“I’ve had this song stuck in my head for days,” you’re saying, walking from electrical over to O2. “And I can’t get it out of my head. Maybe singing it will help.” You hum the first part. “Don't go in there, you'll become one. Freaky creatures, monster party. Eyes of yellow, scales and feathers, tails in tethers. Turn the lights off. Bend the nightmare, you control it. Artful dodger, easy does it. Shut the closet, get under the covers. Snakes and lovers. Turn the lights off.” You do a little dance for a moment and continue hum the song, glancing at the chat as you go towards O2 after doing wires in storage. 

“Like, I know the song, it’s just been stuck in my head,” you explain. “And it kind of annoys me--”

But you stop as you enter O2 and watch Corpse murder Felix. Neither one of you move and you don’t know what to do. “Uhhh.” 

Then, without thinking, you turn straight around and make your way away from the scene of the murder. “I didn’t see anything!” you shout to no one. “I suddenly can’t see who murdered Felix.” You smack a hand over your mouth and stand in the middle of a hallway. “Oh my god, what do I do? I don’t want to snitch on Corpse, he’s hot.” You scratch the back of your neck and shrug, continuing on to reactor. “I didn’t see anything.”

You’re in the middle of doing the simon says in reactor when Felix’s body is reported. You unmute yourself and fidget with the sleeve of your hoodie. You know exactly who killed Felix. 

“--was in O2,” says Jaiden and you focus back into the conversation. “And I didn’t see anyone around.”

“I saw you heading that way, y/n, but I know it wasn’t you because I saw you do the trash in storage.”

You look at the screen when Sean talks to you and you chew your lip. “I know who killed Felix.”

“Who?” asks almost everyone at the same time. 

You close your eyes and swallow. It’s just a game, why are you taking this so seriously? Suddenly, a song lyric pops into your head and your stomach flips. You imagine yourself saying it and no one knows who you mean except for him. 

You open your eyes. “I’d never snitch on daddy.”

There’s a laugh in the chat and you blush fiercely, your livestream chat blowing up once again.

“I think we know who it is, then,” says Sean, laughing. 

“Yeah,” agrees Lizzie and your eyes widen. 

“Wait, what?” you ask, watching everyone vote almost as soon as the discussion time ends. “Wait, hang on, who--”

“We know who you’re talking about, y/n,” PJ tells you. 

You vote for yourself and your brain goes blank as you see that everyone voted for Corpse. He even voted for himself. They knew. They all _knew _about your feelings for Corpse. 

The round ends with Corpse being voted out and the crewmates win. There’s some talking, but you stay on the victory screen. You’re trying to decide if your mad or embarrassed or both. 

“I didn’t know you’d say that, y/n,” Corpse says, effectively breaking you out of your trance. “I thought you were gonna snitch on me.”

“You heard her,” teases Lizzie and you can tell she’s grinning. “She’d never snitch on you, Corpse.”

He laughs and you feel something in a certain place. “Oh my god, I’m gonna die of embarrassment.” You put your face in your hands, listening to your friends tease you in the chat. You suddenly want to jump out your window and run into traffic. 

“Don’t die,” comes Corpse’s voice through the onslaught of teasing. “I’ll be sad.”

“Fuck!” you shout and slam your hand on your desk, shaking your equipment and scaring your rats. “I’m so sorry, Corpse, that was really weird, I--”

“Stop.” He interrupts you and the chat goes silent and you look up at the screen even though you can’t see him. “It’s okay. It was funny.”

Your eyes widen and then narrow. Funny? He thought what you said was funny? How could he think it was funny?

But then he speaks again and he sounds oddly flustered. “Uh, I gotta go. Um, it was fun playing with you guys. Bye, y/n.”

“Bye Cor--” but then he disconnects and you’re left talking to no one. “--pse.”

There’s a long moment of silence until Felix breaks it. “I can’t believe you just watched me die and didn’t do anything about it.”

There are some laughs and you smile faintly, rejoining the game. “Yeah, uh, sorry about that.”

“Are you okay, y/n?” asks Lizzie. 

You blush and swallow. “I don’t know. God, I’m so weird.” You run a hand through your hair and adjust your headphones

“No, you’re not,” Roomie assures you. “He has a crush on you, too.”

Your eyes widen and you scoot up in your chair. “He does?”

“I mean, he called you pretty once during a game and said that he watches your videos a lot, so maybe.”

You groan and sink in your chair. “I’m gonna go, I need to run into traffic now.”

A few people laugh or chuckle and Lizzie asks you if you’re actually going to leave. 

“Yeah,” you tell her. “But not to run into traffic. I’m going to go play Minecraft to soothe myself.”

“Aw.” You can practically hear her frown. “Okay. Bye, y/n.”

“Good luck with your stream,” Ken tells you. 

You grin. “Okay, thanks, bye.”

When you exit the game and leave the chat, you scream. You actually scream and it’s loud. Your roommate even knocks on your door, asking if you’re okay. 

You look at them and nod. “Yeah, totally fine. Probably about to have a mental breakdown, but I’m fine.”

“Okay,” they say and lean on the doorframe. “But I’m not cutting bangs for you again.”

You laugh and nod. “Yeah, okay, fine.” They leave and you turn back to your stream, feeling like you’re about to cry. Corpse knows you have a crush on him. And it seems like he has one on you as well, but now you’re embarrassed because you called him ‘daddy’ on stream.

You rub your eyes. “Well, now I know what’ll be streaming on Twitter tonight,” you tell the chat. 

[gredandforgeweatherby]

Coven pt. 3

Pt.1 Pt. 2

The aftermath

Summary: The aftermath of the bus flip

WC: 1.8k

Warnings: Talks of rape, swearing, injuries from an accident, not really proofread

A/N: I wrote this literally in an hour because I was writing my other fic and really wanted to work on this.

Sadie had not slept at all. Her mind was too full of the events that took place that night. She couldn’t believe she let that happen. Of course, some disgusting frat boys would try to take advantage of Madison, why didn’t she think to keep a closer eye on her? She’s lucky Zoe was okay, she wouldn’t be able to handle it if something had happened to both of them on the same night. She shouldn’t have stayed and talked to Kyle—nice as he was—she should have excused herself back into the crowd, maybe she would have seen who was going off with Madison and been able to stop it.

And the crash. If you could even call it that, it was more of a catastrophic event. She understood why Madison had done it, but still felt bad for the few on the bus who were innocent. She kept thinking about Kyle, hoping that he had somehow survived the bus flip, though she didn’t feel confident that anyone would have.

Morning arrived at both the speed of light and the speed of a snail. Sadie got out of bed exhausted once she heard rustling and movement around the kitchen. She made her way down to the kitchen, where she found Nan and Queenie sitting at the table, their eyes glued to the TV, and Zoe standing next to Nan, her eyes on the same place as theirs. The voice of the newscaster filled Sadie’s ears.

“The Louisiana campus is still in shock over the tragic bus crash last night, nine members of the fraternity Kappa Lambda Gamma were on board. Seven of the boys died on the scene. Two were rushed to Troost Medical Center where they remain in critical condition.”

Sadie and Zoe looked at each other, shock and horror written on their faces. Madison walked in while the newscaster continued.

“Authorities will not confirm the identities of the deceased—”

Madison turned the TV off, leaving on the counter

“Hey, I was watching that!” Nan exclaimed.

“Why? it‘s yesterday's news. We got any Greek yogurt?” Madison turns and picks at a fruit platter, where Zoe and Sadie join her.

“We have to tell somebody what happened. They weren’t all in that room. The one I met—Ian—he wasn’t involved, wasn’t even aware of it. And he was on that bus—

“So was Kyle,” Sadie interrupted Zoe, “Who wasn’t there either. He was with me the whole time. He tried to stop it and chased after the guy who had recorded it Madison.”

Madison barely looked at them, still picking at the plate of fruit in front of her, when she replied.

“So what?”

“So,” Sadie said, aggregation from her bitchy tone settling in, “some of them were innocent, good guys with their whole lives ahead of them and you took that away. I understand some did something awful to you, and trust me I want them to be punished, but—”

Before Sadie could continue, someone walked in.

“What are we talking about?”

All eyes in the room turned to her, not noticing her presence before she spoke.

“The college boys? Taken in the prime of their lives. Such a tragedy,” She seemed to look pointedly at Madison when she spoke next. “It almost makes you want to cry, doesn’t it? I guess the world’s not going to miss a bunch of assholes in Ed Hardy T-shirts.”

In her typical blunt style, Madison questioned her.

“Who the hell are you?”

She didn’t acknowledge Madison’s question, instead continuing as if she was never interrupted.

“I’ve got to hand it to you. A bus flip? Not easy. But you were a sloppy, little witch bitch. And sloppy's going to put us all in jeopardy.” 

“Go to hell, you stupid hag.”

Suddenly, the woman flicked her wrist at Madison, sending her into the air and crashing into the wall before falling back to the floor. The four other witches in the room looked on, shocked at what had just happened.

“I’ve read all of your files. You’re not going to become great women of our clan sitting around here at Hogwarts under the confused instruction of my daughter.”

It then clicked who this woman was to Sadie.

“You’re the Supreme?” She asked surprised, not expecting her to be the most powerful witch of the coven.

She didn’t respond. Instead, she looked at the girls and said, “We’re going on a field trip. Wear something black.” Then left the room.

─────────────────────

While the other four joined the Supreme on her little excursion, Sadie stayed back. After hearing the news of two of the boys being at the hospital, she decided she would pay them a little visit. See wanted to see who was lucky enough to survive Madison’s wrath.

She arrived at Troost Memorial Center contemplating how she was going to go about her plan. She knew she wouldn’t be able to get in their room, not only was she not family but they wouldn’t let her in while they were in critical condition. She instead decide she would loiter around, coming across their room by sheer luck, and enter it when no one was looking. 

Miraculously her plan worked.

She had seen a messy mop of blonde hair through a blinded window. Hoping that it was Kyle’s, she waited until she was sure the coast was clear before entering the room. Sure enough, Kyle was there.

He was much less bright than he was the night before, in all senses of the word. His skin seemed dull and grey, where the night before it was glowing. His hair was uncombed and a mess, a great juxtaposition to the neat blonde locks she had seen on him the night before. He lay in bed, his eyes closed, with a large brace over his neck. His face had cuts of various sizes with bandages covering them, and she could see part of a bandage peeking out from under his hair. He had a cast on his left arm, as well as his left leg. He was so different. No, she didn’t know him, but from last night he seemed so jubilant. He had the cutest smile that would light up the whole town and the most beautiful chocolate-hued eyes. He seemed so full of life, he was funny, and he probably had a whole life of excellence ahead of him. And now, his future was so uncertain.

As Sadie stood there, felt as though someone dropped a weight on her chest. It was difficult for her to breathe, and tears were beginning to form in her eyes.

He didn’t deserve this.

She left Kyle’s side to go to the other bed, wanting to see who else survived, though she didn’t recognize who he was. She went back to Kyle, this time standing next to his bed. It was hard to look at him. He looked so peaceful asleep, yet she was sure he would be feeling anything but. With the tears falling from her eyes she leaned in a bit and whispered.

“I’m so sorry,” she said, wiping her tears before they could fall on him. “You didn’t deserve this.”

She decided she had been there too long, afraid someone was going to come into the room. She took one last fleeting look at Kyle and left for the academy.

────────────────────────────────────────────

When she returned to the academy, she was met with only Nan, Queenie, and Madison. Noticing Zoe’s absence, she asked where she was.

“She didn’t tell us where she was going, just left.” Said Nan.

While the girls were at the academy, Zoe was at Troost Medical Center, just barely an hour after Sadie left. She wandered the halls, wondering how she was going to find Ian. She noticed a group of somber college students leaving their room and slipped in after them. 

She first saw the boy Sadie was with, before walking further into the room, hoping to find Ian

“Please be Ian, please, please, please let it be Ian..” She whispered to herself as she approached the separation curtain. She moved the curtain to not see Ian, but instead Brenner, the boy who led the attack on Madison. Tears welling in her eyes, she moves closer to the bed, looking down at him.

“It should have been you asshole.”

She turns to leave, then pauses, looking back at Brenner. She made her way back to Brenner's bed, once again looking down at him. This time instead of anger mingled with sadness, it was anger mingled with a vengeance. 

She reached under the covers, masturbating him. Climbing over his legs to staddle him, she guided him inside her. His eyes began to open, barely registering what was happening, before they started filling with blood. Soon, every orifice began bleeding, the machines he was attached to beeping wildly. She speeds up, knowing help will be arriving soon, and watched as the life slipped from his eyes. She climbed off him before finally leaving.

──────────────────────────────────────────── ──────────────────────

Sadie was downstairs when Zoe came home.

‘Hey, where were you?” Sadie asked, “Cordelia and I asked but no one knew where you went.”

Zoe was silent for a moment, not knowing what to tell her.

“Uh, yeah, I had something to take care of,” Zoe said, hoping that Sadie would leave it at that.

But, of course, she did not.

“‘Something to take care of?’ Zoe, do you know how suspicious that sounds?” A light chuckle escaped her lips as she said that. Turning more serious she waited until Zoe met her eyes before saying, “You can tell me what you were doing, you know. I’m not gonna tattle.”

Zoe contemplated for a second, trusting Sadie more than anyone in the academy (with the exception of Cordelia). She went over to Sadie, sitting next to her before talking.

“I went to Troost. I wanted to see if Ian made it.”

“I went too,” Saide admitted. “I wanted to know if Kyle survived.” She paused, looking at Zoe when she said nothing. “Did Ian?”

Zoe’s eyes were filling with tears again.

“No,” she said, her voice wavering from being on the edge of tears. “No, he died when the asshole that attacked Madison survived.”

Sadie’s face twisted in concern.

“Which one?” She asked.

“The main one,” Zoe replies, sniffling. “The one who was on her when we walked in.”

Sadie was pissed. It wasn’t fair that the disgusting asshole who led the attack on Madison survived the crash when someone more deserving didn’t.

“That asshole’s alive?” 

Zoe paused, turning away from Sadie’s eyes. Hesitantly, she replied.

“He was alive.”

Sadie looked at Zoe, all anger she felt melting into alarm and concern for the girl sitting in front of her.

“Zoe, what did you do.” She said, her voice mirroring her concerned state.

Instead of answering her question, Zoe stood from her chair, tears running down her face.

“It wasn’t fair! That asshole survived when he should have been dead! I only did what he deserved.”

Sadie stood up to meet Zoe, placing her hands on her shoulders. She waited until Zoe would look her in her eyes, before saying in a calm voice,

“Zoe, calm down, lower your voice. Did anyone see you?”

Zoe shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

“Good.” Sadie said. She took her hands off her shoulders, leaning down to grab Zoe’s bag. Handing it to her, she told her, “Go to bed. If anyone saw you or if anything happens I’ll help you take care of it, okay? I promise. But you should get some sleep.”

Zoe took her bag from Sadie’s hands, wiping the last few tears off her cheeks. She shouldered her bag before thanking Sadie and making her way upstairs.