#I love being unsure of social rules or boundaries

[justanotherfanartist]

heeey guys little social help here? (poll at the end)

get ready for a rare real life lore dump (yippee) because I have a social scenario I’m not sure how to handle. this is your chance to have input on my life like some sort of rpg (if you’re into that kind of thing lmfao)

(I really really hate outing my age range like this but I feel like it might impact peoples choices so. just know I’m on the older end alright)

So, I went to this nearby jazz festival on Saturday. Basically, it’s an event that pulls a bunch of local highschools and their upper and lower level jazz bands together (I’m in my schools lower level group) to compete for awards and finalist placements and stuff like that (very fun very cool experience every time) and something that’s become a habit of mine is scanning each group for anyone interesting and it just happened that there was this guy from another school’s upper band that really stood out to me.

He is genuinely one of the prettiest guys I’ve ever laid eyes on, bro is GORGEOUS and also an amazing trombone player with super clean tone (and was part of a killer trombone soli) so naturally I’m pretty smitten. For real as soon as you start playing an instrument yourself “being good at an instrument” is immediately something added to your type which makes going to these things an interesting experience.

Anyways, I thought he was attractive enough to try and shoot my shot (I do this kinda thing every so often especially if I think I’ll get rejected just as a confidence booster. works like a charm btw) so I made up my mind that hey, we all stash our instruments in the same place, so after the finalists concert when everybody goes to grab their gear and pack up I’ll go up to him and ask him if he wants my number before we all have to leave for the night. Pretty non instrusive introduction that guarantees a short conversation and an excuse for him to leave if I happen to make him uncomfortable, that sort of thing. (I love planning out social interactions in my head before I have them)

(also this is fr the strat bc a) “hey do you want my number?” gives the person a choice and b) if they do say yes awkwardly in the moment but regret it they can always just decide not to text you; it puts the ball more in their court rather than you getting their number and texting them first, that sort of thing)

so that’s exactly what I did. I tapped him on the shoulder, he turned around, and the interaction went like this:

“Hey, you’re one of the trombone players from (insert local highschool’s upper band) right?”

“Yeah?”

“I was just wondering, would you want my phone number? :D”

“Oh, I’m actually not looking for anything right now.”

“Hey, no problem.”

“Thanks though. :)”

“Yeah ‘course!”

and then we split ways.

As of today I found their jazz group’s page on instagram (basically, I’m going around and following all the ones that I thought were really good, including his who placed first just ahead of my school’s upper band in second)(we were psyched btw cus their group is known for crushing everyone so being up there second only to them felt pretty good) and I realized he’s probably following them and I actually did manage to find his page, which is privated (oddly enough he happens to be followed by someone who I very loosely know) so it’s request to follow only.

My question is would it be weird to request to follow him? Based on my instagram page and what I have up he might not be able to recognize me but I’m guessing he’ll know it’s me just because of our interaction and the follow request, but I’m not sure if I’d be breaking a social boundary if I did that.

I don’t intend to hit on him or push him for romance or anything like that— I got a clear and polite “no thanks” and I’m not going to infringe on that full stop (boundaries are to be respected always). Blanket statement I think this guy is cool and an impressively good player, I’d legitimately want to see him perform again or possibly be friends (I’m starved for jazz friends) but I’m just reallllyyy worried it’s gonna come off as creepy or boundary breaking to request a follow so I’m not sure if I should or not.

(my logic is that he already rejected a request for communication so requesting to follow him is essentially doing the same thing again and might come off as creepy or pushing it and the last thing I want is to make this guy uncomfortable. on the other hand it could be seen as completely harmless or even flattering depending on the person but I’m really not sure.)

mutuals give me opinions bc I’m curious what you think (also I’d really appreciate it if you picked something other than maybe lmao or left me a comment of your thoughts or smthn like that. I may be overthinking this)

(asterisk is for extra info for the first poll option)

*regardless of your intentions, which he is unable to truly discern, but will probably assume is still romantic pursuit

[theimpalingpen]

𝐒𝐎𝐂𝐈𝐀𝐋 𝐌𝐄𝐃𝐈𝐀’𝐒 𝐈𝐌𝐏𝐀𝐂𝐓 𝐎𝐍 𝐖𝐑𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐍𝐆 — 𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐢𝐦𝐩𝐚𝐥𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐩𝐞𝐧

Disclaimer: This is an opinion post, and not a definitive guide on how you should view social media nor writing as your own hobby/aspersion. This is purely my thoughts on the matter, and you can take it how you please!

ALSO, this post is mainly aimed toward writergram, rather than the tumblr community which I’m still new to.

Thank you to all my lovely discord members & fellow writers for contributing to this post ! <3

— 𝐅𝐎𝐂𝐔𝐒…𝐎𝐍 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐖𝐑𝐎𝐍𝐆 𝐓𝐇𝐈𝐍𝐆𝐒.

In my view, one of the most aggravating parts about entwining your writing into a social media presence is the pressure to focus your energy on writing posts & create content about writing rather than writing itself. No matter the reason for writing, creating advice posts and prompt posts, etc. can take up way more time and energy than expected. Which leaves you spending less time writing, and focusing on your WIPs. Depending on your limits and self boundaries…that can be extremely troublesome. The problem isn’t always the act itself. It’s seeing other people post offen, the quality & time spent on said posts and perhaps being left with an internalized pressure.

We all need to learn how to stop assigning value to numbers and how much attention posts get. It’s hard to do, and especially hard when you need/want your stuff out there. Impossible? Absolutely not. You have worth, your work has worth and you should remember that.

Of course, you can balance this.

- Don’t apologize for not always putting your social medias first.

- Learn your limits! Understand your goals & reasoning behind using social media to enhance your writing experience. If you intend to make it part of your career, you especially should learn the limitations.

- Create a formula for yourself. Write down your ideas. Have genuine fun & enjoyment making posts.

- Find an amount of posting that works for you. You can’t forget to actually write instead of just posting about it!!

— 𝐓𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐃𝐒 & 𝐓𝐑𝐎𝐏𝐄𝐒

Let me start off by saying I love taking advantage of fun trends, reading about tropes and seeing how they can be interestingly utilized.

I hate simplification of tropes as an advertisement method. There are hundreds of tropes for different genres, and yet they’ve been watered down to a few buzzwords that gets clicks & revenue. Do I necessarily have a problem with authors using this to their advantage? No! Blame the system, not the person existing within it! But I do have a problem with manipulating an audience with said tropes in order to avoid creating an actual plot, strong characters and well-thought out work.

More so, attempting to shove everything into a box creates repetition. When you try to be unique, there’s a perpetual worry of losing attention which again, inhibits creativity.

In my opinion, how should tropes be utilized?

As guideline, not a rule book. If you’re going to market with them, mention them after your shit is written, not before. Don’t base your plot off, “my selling point will be how this is an amazing enemies to lovers!” The point of literature, even fun and lighthearted things is exploration & expression. Write enemies to lovers, god damn it, but make it that way because your characters suit it, your world suits it and it sparks joy within you. Not because it’s popular.

Regarding trends…let’s be honest. The writing community on instagram is absolutely an echo-chamber as well. I feel as though many people experience a moral pressure to speak on issues they’re unsure of and don’t truly care about said issues, but instead wish to be perceived as good. I’m not blaming anyone for feeling said pressure. It’s not an issue for me as someone who lacks guilt and emotional empathy, but…that almost makes it more frustrating. I think me, and many members of the groups/people affected by certain issues people speak on see straight through the surface level analysis.

Social justice is not a trend; rather, it shouldn’t be. But it is made one on social media in general. This is by no means exclusive to this community nor is it a personal attack on anyone. If you personally feel attacked by the point made above, perhaps you need to re-think your reasoning for claiming to care about said issues?

— 𝐃𝐄𝐒𝐈𝐑𝐄 𝐕𝐒 𝐅𝐄𝐀𝐑

I’m writing from the perspective of someone who wishes to make money and a solid career out of their writing. I’m also speaking from the perspective of someone who is heartbroken by the fear of not making it because of the perpetual commercialization of art.

We see it everywhere. AI Art, AI writing, what I mentioned with tropes being used as a marketing scheme, writers losing their joy in expression because money and survival is at the forefront of our minds. Especially in a day and age where we can be all too aware of so many other people’s success, their opinions. Subject to the manipulation of bigger influencers who may have biases and covert methodology. By no means do I imply success = manipulation. Instead I imply that today, art and expression as a career can be very competitive and viciously so. Even without intending to have a career, instead doing it as a hobby, we can worry how much validation and attention we’ll get in the social media promotion of our work as well!

Trying to balance the true desire to express and do so wholly, freely & passionately with understanding audience limitations and publication as an industry? Exhausting. Fearful and discouraging. We see what other people hate, what they love and internalize it. Instead of focusing on ourselves, what we want to say, love or hate.

— 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐏𝐎𝐒𝐈𝐓𝐈𝐕𝐄𝐒!

All of that said, I think there are some wonderful advantages to the impacts of social media and writing!

• All of the wonderful advice and resources you can find.

• Easier to find beta readers and people interested in looking at your work.

• Liberty to build a platform and self publish despite the difficulty of it.

• Using said platform to share opinions, thoughts and have discussions about them.

Finally…

All the wonderful people you meet!! <3

I sincerely adore many of you.

THANKS FOR READING!

| ᴊᴏɪɴ ᴍʏ ᴅɪsᴄᴏʀᴅ | ғᴏʟʟᴏᴡ ᴍᴇ ᴏɴ ɪɢ |

[akaraboonline]

If You're Going To Send Him Nude, Please Follow These Guidelines.

Sending naked pictures used to be such a taboo practice—no one talked about it, but everyone did it. Then people realized sexting was cool, which led to more nudes being sent, which led to women's nudes being leaked on the internet. you want to send him a picture of that body you're so proud of, go ahead — just make sure you follow these rules first. If you're into it, here's how to take and send nudes. If You're Going To Send Him Nude, Please Follow These Guidelines.

How To Take Nudes

Check your lighting and angle

A piece of advice that differs from the rest. I want you to send your best self if you're going to send those nudes! Photograph from above or straight on. Never take a photo from below looking up—at this angle, everyone has a double chin. Instead of harsh fluorescent lighting, try using natural light.

Keep that pretty face out of it.

On that note, keep your face away from it. Send a selfie, send nudes, but don't send your face and nudes in the same shot for the love of the sexting gods, just in case he turns out to be a douchebag who spreads the picture everywhere, or just in case the phone falls into the wrong hands, or whatever other horrible tragedy that can occur, just don't do it. If he doesn't follow that rule, go back to rule #1 and kick him out.

Stay as anonymous as possible.

If your naked body falls into the wrong hands, you don't want to be identified in any way. Turn off your location settings and remove anything in the background that could be traced back to you specifically. In addition to keeping your face out of the picture, cover up any distinguishing features you have, such as birthmarks or scars.

Set your own boundaries.

Nude does not always imply completely naked. Do you want to send him a photo of yourself only in your bra? Don't feel obligated to do anything else. You have complete control over this situation, so do whatever you want. Partially naked photos can be far more appealing than fully naked photos. Try a sexy pose while wearing only your underwear or a really cute bathing suit. Leaving more to the imagination can sometimes excite men more than the alternative.

How To Send Nudes — Rules To Follow

Make sure they’re actually on board with it.

Most guys would be overjoyed to receive a photo of the woman they're interested in half or fully undressed. However, establishing consent is still critical. Always check with him first to make sure he's okay with you sending images like that. "If they respond enthusiastically," Astroglide's resident sexologist Jess O'Reilly, Ph.D tells Glamour. "Respect their boundaries if they say no or sound unsure. Sexting can be hot, but there are plenty of other hot activities to engage in if sexting isn't your partner's cup of tea."

Don’t fall prey to manipulation.

Before you decide to send him naked photos, you should consider why you're doing so. If you're feeling sexy and want to turn him on and build sexual tension between you, go ahead and do it. If he's manipulating you by suggesting that if you really liked him, you'd send him naked photos or that you should want him to look at you instead of other women on the internet, that's a major red flag. You should never be forced to do something you are not completely comfortable with.

Be prepared for other people to see your goodies.

You have a great body, so be prepared for your recipient to want to show off that photo. If you haven't met his friends before, keep in mind that the first time you meet them may not be the first time they've seen parts of you that you don't want them to see. Be prepared for this, but also be a good person and refrain from sharing the nudes you receive with others without their permission.

Triple check that ‘to’ field.

Please, please, please do not send your naked photo to your father or boss by mistake. It is not something that can be reversed. Also, make sure you're not accidentally uploading to social media. It's not as difficult as it sounds.

Don’t send nudes to men you don’t know.

I'd go so far as to say you shouldn't send nudes to someone you aren't already dating or in a relationship with, but we sometimes talk to people online for a long time before meeting in person these days. You could be very close to someone you've never met in person and feel comfortable sharing nudes with them. Only you can decide whether you truly know someone well enough for this level of intimacy, but please don't send nudes to brand new guys. You don't know who they are or what their motivations are, so you need to protect yourself.

Also, make sure they’re over the age of consent.

I know it seems silly to include this, but it is still worth mentioning. Anyone under the age of 18 who sends or receives a nude or suggestive image is breaking the law, according to the Prosecutorial Remedies and Other Tools to End Child Exploitation Today (PROTECT) Act of 2003. This act makes it "illegal to produce, distribute, receive, or possess with intent to distribute any obscene visual depiction of a minor engaged in sexually explicit conduct," so you could get in a lot of trouble if the person you're sending your nudes to isn't of legal drinking age. Hopefully, you're mature enough to date a grown man, but if you're communicating with someone online, make sure you know who they are.

Don’t send nudes under the influence.

Sending nudes under the influence, as with most things, is a bad idea. You're going to forget the rest of the rules. The next thing you know, your entire body, face and all, is in the picture, which you've sent to your boss and then accidentally uploaded to Facebook.

Get collateral.

Personally, I have sent nudes, but not without first receiving one. Even if I'm not particularly interested in getting a d**k pic, I'll still make him go through the effort for two reasons. The first option is to simply make him jump through hoops. The second reason is that I want something on him in case he wants to hold my naked over my head. If you follow my advice and only send naked pictures to men you know, this rule won't apply.

Use a secure app.

If you decide to send him naked pictures, use a more secure messaging app. This means avoiding text attachments in favor of encrypted programs such as Signal or WhatsApp. Your photos should be safe from hackers this way, but you'll need to use something like Privates to prevent screenshots. There's even an app called DiscKreet that hides your nudes behind a password that you both have to enter at the same time in order to view them.

Most important of all, know that you don’t owe anyone anything. 

Never feel obligated to send someone naked. Nobody should ever feel trapped or guilty for not sending nudes. Too often, I believe we comply with things because we believe we must in order for men to like us. The right guy will not put you under pressure, and you will most likely want to send sexy messages and pictures to the right guy. Everything should come naturally.

If You Don’t Want To Send Nudes, There Are Always Alternatives

Sending naked photos isn't for everyone, and that's fine. There are plenty of other ways to flirt with the guy you like without exposing yourself to him in that way.

Send them pictures of you still clothed.

If he likes you, he'll want to see you no matter what you're wearing. Why not send him a photo of yourself dressed in something that makes you feel really hot? You can strike a sultry pose or simply ensure that you look ultra sexy, but you don't have to undress.

Try sexting him.

In any case, words can be more powerful than images. If you don't want to send him naked pictures but are comfortable typing out some of the things you want to do to him, sexting can get you both even more excited than pictures. Send him the dirtiest messages you can think of and see how he reacts.

Invite him over instead.

In any case, words can be more powerful than images. If you don't want to send him naked pictures but are comfortable typing out some of the things you want to do to him, sexting can get you both even more excited than pictures. Send him the dirtiest messages you can think of and see how he reacts.

Send him pictures of your lingerie.

You are not required to participate! Why not show him your adorable matching bra and thong set you just bought? It will also inspire him to use his imagination, which is always a good thing.

Link him to some other sexy stuff.

If you don't want to send him nudes, you can always link him to some other sexy stuff you've seen online. Whether it's an adult video, some Instagram pictures that got you going, or an erotic story that makes you hot. He'll enjoy it.

In Conclusion

Nudity is undeniably popular in today's dating scene. However, it is entirely up to you whether or not to send them. Consider your options carefully before acting. If you're not careful, what appears to be a good idea now could turn into a nightmare. You are not a prude if you refuse intimate photographs. Do what is best for you. Read the full article

[immaturityofthomasastruc]

IOTA Reviews: Rocketear

The Rocketeer is a 1991 Disney movie set in 1930's America where a test pilot gets a jetpack and uses it to fight Nazis and— Wait, what? “Rocketear”? Oh, damn it!

Let's get into the eleventh (chronologically the seventeenth) episode of Miraculous Ladybug's fourth season: Rocketear.

We start off with Carapace and Cat Noir struggling to hold back some T-Rexes brought back to life by a scientist Jurassic Park style. Seriously, they reference the movie in the same scene.

Why wasn't this the plot of the episode again?

After managing to tame the dinosaurs with a whistle of all things, Ladybug notices something's wrong with Nino after he gives the Turtle Miraculous back to her. Apparently, he's wondering why Rena Rouge (who he knows is Alya) wasn't recruited with him today. Ladybug tells him that he was the only help she needed today. In reality, it's because Alya has adjusted to her new role of supporting Ladybug behind the scenes in her new form, Rena Furtive.

And I'm not a fan of the new form. I get the camo, but it doesn't really help her blend in when her suit is bright blue. I think it's based off the arctic fox, but that animal is able to camouflage itself because it's fur matches the snowy environment. I'm sure a bright blue jumpsuit won't stand out when she tries to blend in at all. Also, the fact that Alya can just change her hero form gives even less excuses as to why Ladybug's new form is only when she uses her Lucky Charm.

Alya is struggling to keep this a secret from Nino because they don't have a lot of secrets in their relationship. Marinette says she can kind of get it because she had to keep her identity a secret from her friend and has to keep keeping her identity a secret from everyone else. Basically, she's telling Alya to suck it up because this is what being a superhero is.

So the next time she sees Nino, Alya tells him she's no longer Rena Rouge, but not about Rena Furtive, which troubles her. The very next scene shows Alya showing Marinette pictures she took of her new costume and asking her which version looks better.

You could always try reviewing Akuma fights. I heard there's one blog that does it when they're not criticizing the famous director Thomas Astruc on social media.

Yeah, in case you can't tell, Alya was only able to rent her brain for a few episodes because she really doesn't seem as understanding about being a superhero as she was in earlier episodes. In episodes like “Optigami” and “Sentibubbler”, we saw Alya use more strategy and show discretion as Rena Rouge, seemingly taking her job more seriously, but then this episode just had to go and piss it all away. I also love how the first time the animators made Alya's skin the same when she's transformed is in a single frame for a joke.

Alya thankfully deletes the picture, but Nino overhears her talking about struggling to find more content for the Ladyblog, and decides to go to the movies with her to help take her mind off things. Nino, in turn, proceeds to give the same reaction to the in-universe Ladybug movie that Astruc gives to the PV.

Apparently, that movie's already getting a sequel and it has a teaser. So was the sequel animated at the same time as the original like Back to the Future Part II and Back to the Future Part III?

Nino gets pissed the next movie in the Ladybug Cinematic Universe will feature Rena Rouge and not Carapace... even though Rena Rouge debuted first. The teaser then shows Rena Rouge falling for Cat Noir (yet another creative liberty taken by the writers or something Astruc's self-insert threw in himself), and takes it like it's the real thing. Dude, the first movie said Ladybug was afraid of cats, and the director yelled at the person it was based on for judging it. He clearly has a hard time distinguishing fiction from reality.

Alya leaves Nino early so she can go on patrol, but Nino sees Cat Noir heading out as well. He then watches a video on the Ladyblog where Alya praises Cat Noir which is totally not Astruc projecting or anything.

I don't know what your definition of a prince is, Alya, and I honestly don't want to know.

So Nino takes this as evidence that Alya is in love with Cat Noir and decides to tell Adrien, who naturally laughs him off. And just before you think we have an episode where Adrien plays the straight man, Adrien decides to visit Alya because he's afraid he accidentally charmed Alya.

Yes, because Cat Noir is so charming, girls are just fighting over him, aren't they?

We then cut to a black and white film noir monologue by Nino (dressed like a detective with a fake mustache), who decides to spy on Alya. When Cat Noir asks Alya if she is attracted to him, she naturally laughs him off, though Cat Noir is thankfully a good sport about it, even giving her a hug to apologize. Unfortunately, Nino took this the wrong way.

The next day at school, Nino takes Adrien into his “office” (it's really an excuse to reuse the boiler room setpiece), and shows him the picture of the hug. Adrien says that Alya would never fall for Cat Noir because she's always dedicated to finding out the truth and telling her boyfriend everything. What's Nino's retort?

Okay, several problems with this bit. First of all, why would Nino even tell Adrien any of this? What would it accomplish? Why not say all this to Alya while confronting her about her alleged unfaithfulness? Second, Ladybug didn't give Nino and Alya their Miraculous at the same time until it was an absolute emergency. She outright said in “Hero's Day” that she didn't have time to recruit Nino and Alya separately.

Ladybug: I'm sorry for what I'm about to do. I know I'm revealing your secret identities but I don't have time to find a good excuse to give them to you separately. Rena Rouge and Carapace, I need you both!

Nino and Alya kept their identities secret from each other until then, with Alya even keeping the fact she knew who Carapace was a secret as well. Nino didn't find out because “they don't hide anything from each other” (which I plan to talk about later).

Other than that, I actually liked Adrien in this scene. It was really investing to see him try to justify the whole secret identities rule while Nino blatantly said there was an exception. This is the kind of stuff I wanted to see when it came to Adrien doubting Ladybug, not him destroying things in his anger.

While Nino rants about how Cat Noir “stole” Alya from him, Shadowmoth sends an Akuma his way, turning him into Rocketear.

And the design he has is just boring. It's just a blue jumpsuit with some black spots that look like teardrops, a teardrop-shaped head and a visor. I think the reason this season's been relying more on past Akumas and using more Sentimonsters is because DQ is terrible at character designs. I mean, compare this suit with Aigraon from Zyuden Sentai Kyoryuger (his Power Rangers counterpart is Wrench from Dino Charge).

The design does so much more with the teardrop motif, giving him a perpetually miserable face with tear lines going all over his body. Add that to a more diverse color scheme, and you have a much more visually stunning design. And this was created in real life, not rendered on a computer. I'm not sure if this is a budget thing or a laziness thing, but if it's the former, you really need to do better, animators.

The powers are meh, giving Nino the ability to fling explosive tears at enemies. It's a clever idea, and it makes sense he gets a power that parallels Cat Noir's, but I think maybe it would have been more interesting if he couldn't control the tears at all. Like, imagine if he was constantly crying like Blue Diamond, and with every tear he shed, Rocketeer could send it at whoever he felt was causing him misery, mainly Cat Noir, all while serving as a metaphor for people who blame others for their own personal issues. Better yet, make him look like the detective outfit Nino wore for the second act. It would have made him more unpredictable instead of making his tears generic projectile weapons.

Marinette and Alya see the fight and transform into Ladybug and Rena Furtive respectively, the former summoning her Lucky Charm, a projector. Is it just me, or has this been happening with Ladybug a lot recently?

Back to Rocketear, we get a good moment where Cat Noir intentionally lets the Akuma hit him so he can get a chance to resolve things diplomatically. See, this is a moment where Cat Noir's self-sacrificing nature feels heroic and not selfish like when he does it without Ladybug's permission to spite her. Unfortunately, it doesn't really go anywhere as Ladybug shows up and plays the recording Nino took (Alya found his phone earlier), while Rena Furtive uses her Mirage to give the audio to what actually happened that night.

Rena transforms back into Alya and embraces Rocketear, who apologizes to her for his behavior. And then he just... rejects Shadowmoth's power while looking like it wasn't that much effort.

At least when Chloe and Alya did it, we saw them struggling for a little longer. I guess maybe it's because Nino is motivated by his love for Alya, but I think it should have been fleshed out more. So Ladybug purifies the Akuma, gives Nino a Magical Charm, and Cat Noir is still unsure about his feelings for Ladybug at the moment, though they still pound it.

Back in his room, Adrien ponders why Alya and Nino get to know their identities while he and Ladybug can't, but Plagg points out it's because she's the Guardian. It's brief, but I do like seeing Adrien start to doubt Ladybug's judgment, and it looks like it'll foreshadow future episodes. This is a problem I've had since “Hero's Day”, and I'm glad the writers are finally acknowledging this double standard. I just hope they don't end up blaming Marinette for whatever happens later on.

Marinette, of course, apologizes for what happened between Alya and Nino, and I have to say... yeah, no. It's obviously Nino's fault here.

Nino really pushed personal boundaries in this episode, much like Marinette's friends in “Gang of Secrets”. Yes, honesty is a valuable trait, but sometimes, people have secrets they want to keep to themselves. Nino's idea of “not hiding anything from each other” is somewhat controlling, like he's demanding Alya tell him everything whether she wants to or not. The fact that he immediately assumed Alya was cheating on him without giving her freedom to make her own choices doesn't make him look good. Let's be honest, a more realistic outcome would be Alya choosing to break things off with Nino or at least lecture him about how she can do what she wants and keep the secrets she wants. But instead...

And that's how the episode ends.

Okay, Marinette just said she trusted Alya to make the right decision, but I highly doubt she meant this. Marinette strictly said Alya had to keep Rena Furtive a secret, and now she's telling Nino this despite the risk? The whole reason Marinette and Luka broke up was because Marinette had to keep her secrets from Luka, but now it's okay for Alya to be completely honest? How is this not a double standard?

This episode was just dull, and there’s not even much I can really say about it.. There were a handful of standout moments, and the stuff with Adrien was somewhat compelling, but Nino's behavior was just insufferable and dragged the episode down. The Akuma fight was weak, only lasting about four minutes at most, and while the Lucky Charm was more creative this time, the plot was just frustrating. It's really one of the weaker episodes this season.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm off to watch the better Rocketeer.

[funkymbtifiction]

Enneagram Centers

Sometimes if you're not sure of your core type, you need to consider the "centers" in order to figure out where your focus lies. (And... don't allow yourself to tritype yourself until you're 100% positive of your core. It will explain most of your behavior and coping mechanisms, so tritype isn't an excuse to mistype.)

Centers... there are three. Each one makes decisions differently and focuses on different things. Sometimes you can narrow down your type to the center, and from there, decide which of the three fits you best.

Centers: heart, head, gut.

They are exactly the way they sound.

Heart types make decisions from an emotional place, because their focus is on earning love. How are you seeing me? What image am I presenting to you? What do I want you to see? They are all about a conscious crafting of "self" in comparison to others. Others can see them as emotional, as needing approval, or as making decisions based on what others think of them. It's an image center. How do I feel about this? What does it lead me to do? (2 - find love, earn love. 3 - impress to earn approval. 4 - too broken for love, separate, must show my uniqueness to get love.)

Head types make decisions from a rational place, because their focus is on being secure. They think, think, think. Over-think. Analyze. Observe. Gotta think about that. Need time to mull it over. Their energy is all in their head. Nervous energy. Active energy. Thoughts. What I think, not what I feel. Buzzing. Busy mind. Converting everything to thinking about it. Distrusts their emotions. Emotions lead you wrong. Must be rational! (5 - detach, observe, don't participate. 6 - too many thoughts, unsure, find something to trust, hold onto it. 7 - stay busy to avoid anxiety, lots of thoughts, run with them all, don't want to feel stuck.)

Gut types make decisions from an instinctual place, through body energy. How things "hit" me. What I "sense" is right. How the world slams up against me, and the barriers I build against it. Putting up boundaries to protect myself. Are these boundaries stable? Knowing what to do. Or not knowing. I just know. It's an obvious choice. This is where I'm being lead. (1 - set firm boundaries, I know what's right and wrong. 8 - be a wall others slam into, expand to maintain control, things anger me and make me push back. 9 - the world seems to be taking me over, it's easy just to go along with it, pretend to agree and then do my own thing, avoid conflict.)

Another thing, which goes for mistyping in MBTI as well -- lots of people think they are X so they "act like X" -- but acting is pretending; it's not real. A fix or a core or a type is real when there's no acting involved; it's just what you naturally do, the air you breathe. For a 2 fixer, pretending to be separate, and broken, and craft an identity as a 4... that is hard work, tiring. For a 6 to pretend to be a 9, and stay calm, and not be full of thoughts and over-thinking, is impossible. It's draining. People start acting THE BEHAVIOR instead of looking deep into their motivations. "Oh, I will act like a 7!" You can't act like a 7 and be convincing, a 7 generates those behaviors through their thinking process. Identifiable behaviors are the result of mental energy. Heart processes are the result of emotional energy. And gut responses are instinctual, immediate, no thinking necessary, my body is reacting, sometimes before I can even think about it. ("I felt sick through my body before I even knew what was happening...")

Social variants are much the same, in that your dominant trait is where your attention goes immediately when you are asked a question or forced to come up with a conversation on the spot. It's rapid. Your dominant instinct absorbs most of your thoughts and focus and concern, even if you aren't aware of it.

Like the typing video I linked to the other day -- when asked questions, Megan Fox drew attention to sexual topics and encounters, because she views her past in an sx-dom way; she remembers school by the first boy she French kissed. When she wanted to interrupt her interviewer and pull him off a "boring topic," her brain said: admit you have a crush on him in a "there are only three guys I'd do" way. Again, sx. Her photos -- sx displays. Provocative clothing intended to elicit an sx reaction from others.

With variants, give yourself time and space to discover it. Your variant is probably more obvious to other people than yourself, because they see it's where your mind goes. You can't think your way through this, head types ;), you have to get an instinctual sense of things through comparisons. Think about the variants on their own, what they are about, what their focus is on, and then put them into the context of your core type and what that means.

If it's sp, look for sp's in the world around you. What's their focus on? Sp concerns. What does that mean? They focus on... my body, how I feel, what I can do, can my body withstand this? What's this look like? The guy you know who is an exercise master. The person neurotic about their health. The 2 who focuses on "health and home." (What does that look like? Well, he checks my tires, changes the oil, etc, for me without being asked! Mom makes lunches for us all, packs them, has them waiting by the door, and makes sure to take care of us at home!)

Socials? Inspiring others. Being the go-to person. Sharing what they know in a friendly manner. Focus on community, on inspiring, on being socially appropriate, on noticing when others AREN'T playing by the rules. What's that look like in person? The 1 who sets a moral example through their behavior and frowns on misbehavior. The 3 who wants to impress you with their inspirational journey. (Not their stuff, stuff is sp. Admire my new car? Sp 3!) The 5 who loves to share their expertise about ancient Egypt (their one thing). The likable 2 who runs a YouTube channel about "how to..."

Sexuals? Focus on sex. Heat. Attraction. Scent. Impact. Provocation. Am I turning you on or off? I want to find out, that's why I do it. People are either drawn to me or hate me. That's fine. Attracting them all isn't interesting to me. What's that look like in number terms? The sexy 2 who only "helps" their special person. The 6 who is protective of their mate, while also being anxious and suspicious and fearful of being left OR who goes to an extreme to become attractive in an expected way (the hot girl next door, the man who can protect you, the sensitive man, the tough girl). The 9 who molds themselves into another person and disappears into them (Bella).

It's an area of over-focus, neuroticism, a need you have to fill, whereas your second fix isn't that important. It's how you play, dabble, the stakes aren't as high, and your focus doesn't always go there first. I want this, don't always chase it. (Sx? Intense heat comes after social awareness or self-protection. Soc? Socially aware, but being an influencer comes after sx drive or "my health and home." Sp? Survival comes after public influence or awareness or sx pursuits.)

Being "blind" means... I rarely focus on this. It's not on my radar. Sp blind? Safety?? Survival? Eh, it'll all work out fine. :) Sx blind? Throwing myself recklessly after intense attraction, thirst traps, being super provocative, seems tasteless and risky. Soc-blind? Oblivious to how that statement made you feel about me, or judge me, unaware of how I dress or act being inappropriate to a situation.

[mbti-notes]

Hi there! I hope you're doing well. I'm wondering how I can deal with people especially my close family members' poor emotional intelligence? For instance, my dad easily feels angrily frustrated when he can't solve a problem. He sometimes projects that anger onto my other family members (and it takes a couple hours for his anger to dissipate). I'm continuing to work on and critique my own emotional intelligence to properly develop it, but I'm unsure how to persuade my family members to learn how to deal with their emotions in a healthy way. I hope this made sense. Thank you in advance (:

This question is particularly relevant during the holidays when there are many opportunities to get triggered by old family wounds. What is your type? If you don't tell me your type, you hamper my ability to explain the problem to you. The emphasis on learning emotional intelligence and suffering from social disharmony seems to imply FJ.

As a general rule, remember: You can't change people who don't want to change. Furthermore, trying to change someone, against their will, is an ethical violation of their right to self-determination (barring exceptional/desperate life-or-death situations). If you often feel an irresistible urge to change people around you to better suit what you imagine they should/could be, then you've also got a problem, and it should be looked at first, before you dive into their problems.

Generally speaking, if you enter a social situation with the intention to change someone, you're essentially communicating to them that you are their judge, you can't accept and love them, and you will continue to disapprove of them until they meet your expectations. Put yourself properly in their position and you should understand how unpleasant or offensive it feels to be treated that way. When someone gets offended, it no longer matters what the truth is, because, more often than not, they're going to build some kind of psychological wall to protect themselves against another infringement on their boundaries. At that point, no real communication is possible, so no further movement on the matter is possible. You've defeated yourself at the start because your intention to force change upon them was problematic from the start.

No matter where you go, you're going to meet people you don't like or people who rub you the wrong way. How do most people cope with that? They're quick to pass judgment and even try to "fix" what they don't like. This usually creates more problems than it solves, so why do so many people do it? What motivates this rush to judge and fix others? Ego. According to Jungian psychology, people who trigger strong negative reactions in you play a very special role in your life of revealing uncomfortable truths to you. It's easier (less painful) to judge and fix others than it is to confront uncomfortable truths about yourself. Shifting focus and blame onto others helps you maintain ego stability, and you might even derive some feeling of ego superiority through positioning yourself as judge, jury, and executioner. In the end, all you're doing is disowning your problem and putting it onto someone else, which means that it will arise again and again until you're finally willing to face the truth.

It sounds like you're at the beginning of your journey in emotional development. It's a long process, so be patient with yourself. You haven't yet understood what it really means to have good emotional intelligence. You seem to think that your emotional well-being is contingent upon everyone else around you having good emotional intelligence as well. But that shouldn't be the case.

When your ego is fragile and vulnerable (low level of ego development), you are quick to perceive situations as threatening, you are easily drawn into conflict as soon as your ego drama gets triggered, your past ego wounds rule your present reactions, and you easily get lost in petty grievances.

When your ego is truly strong and healthy, you make a point of assessing situations as objectively as you can, you are able to see through your own ego drama when it gets triggered, you are able to address your old ego wounds and prevent them from recurring, and you set better goals for better outcomes.

To be clear, I'm not describing a machine or a god. Having good emotional intelligence doesn't mean that you no longer feel or that you're above it all, quite the contrary, it means that you know how to welcome and embrace ALL feelings, create a container for them as necessary, and then repurpose them for more constructive activity.

Your problem begins in the first step. You are not able to welcome and embrace all feelings. In the example you gave, it's obvious that you have a problem with anger. Otherwise, you wouldn't get triggered by it and you would know how to calm it. Did you know that FJs, some of whom are the nicest people around, often have the most deep-seated anger issues? Their anger issues are often a result of repeated boundary violations. Oftentimes, the cost of relationship maintenance is that one has to suppress one's true feelings and try to "let things slide" instead of creating more problems, which amounts to dishonoring one's own boundaries. Unfortunately, "letting things slide" doesn't always work. The wounds are still there and unhealed, from every instance in which they: chose to submit without a fight, chose to do their "duty" as the bigger person and swallowed an insult, chose to be silent when they should've spoken up, allowed themselves to be stepped on for the sake of keeping the relationship intact, and so on. The result is a deeply repressed well of negative emotions that will stir around and rise up periodically, until one's boundaries are properly respected and restored.

Look within yourself and be completely honest about how you feel when you see your dad get angry. Does it make you afraid? Does it make you insecure? Does it make you angry? If you genuinely want to improve your emotional intelligence, the first thing you need to do is look within and see why your dad's behavior throws you off balance. Until you have the intelligence to address the problem in yourself, you are in no position to teach emotional intelligence to others.

Being able to welcome and embrace your own negative feelings is the crucial first step to understanding others' feelings. Good emotional intelligence means that you understand the importance of emotional life and what role emotions play in your psychology. When you truly embrace emotional life, you will feel no desire to change emotions. Instead, you will give them the space they need to do the work that they are designed to do. And if you grant that space to yourself, you will learn to grant it to others as well. A compassionate attitude is what keeps a relationship strong and opens the door for two people to influence each other in healthy and positive ways. Through compassion, your intention is rooted in care rather than ego, and you influence others through setting a good example and encouraging compassion in return. If you can't even be the person you hope to be, trying to change someone into what you want them to be is not only unethical, it's also hypocritical.

When you are able to validate and empathize deeply with your own feelings, you become much more capable at understanding others, and that objectivity will better inform your decision making. Perhaps you will see that their behavior has absolutely nothing to do with you, so there's no reason at all for you to get involved with it. Perhaps their behavior comes from a deep place of pain, so you choose to help them contain it because they want to heal it. Perhaps their behavior comes from an old dysfunctional pattern, so you choose to change the pattern and see what happens. Perhaps their behavior is too often violating your boundaries, so you need to learn how to set and enforce better boundaries without stepping on theirs out of spite. Perhaps their behavior is too destructive or not within your capability to handle, so you choose to end the relationship.

The main point: You won't be able to make a well-informed decision when you don't fully understand the meaning of people's feelings and emotions, due to always misinterpreting and rejecting your own.

[celebrities-imagines]

Can I ask for Bridgerton characters reaction when they have a S/O who's clingy

Bridgerton Preferences - Their reaction to a clingy s/o

Thanks for the request. I hope you enjoy!

Anthony Bridgerton:

Anthony thought he'd hate a clingy s/o but he loves it. When Anthony first realized you were clingy he made it clear he needed time alone to tend to family affairs. This did not last long and Anthony often found you waiting for him in his study chair. Eventually, he just let you sit in there while he did his work. His work used to stress him but when you were in the study with him, playing with his hair, or even just reading a book in the corner while he worked, he found himself less stressed. You just had a calming effect on him. The one thing he thought he wouldn't like about you turned out to be his favorite thing about you, which was really just your presence.

Benedict Bridgerton:

Benedict loves having a clingy s/o. He can be quite clingy himself. Benedict can get a little insecure from time to time, and you loving his company makes him feel much more confident in your relationship. He loves to paint you or even paint with you. The two of you love to cuddle and when Benedict is stressed he loves to cuddle, which you'd never say no to. He loves that you'll never get tired of him and always be there for him.

Colin Bridgerton:

Colin wouldn't mind a clingy s/o. He'd be fine either way. Colin is very chill and down for anything. If you want your own time that's fine with him; if you want to be with him every second, that's fine too. He loves that you'll go anywhere with him. Colin likes traveling and knows a lot of girls who don't, but he knows you're happy to be anywhere he is. So, the two of you travel together a lot. Colin's even willing to do nothing all day if that's what you want, because he knows you don't want him to leave you. And he doesn't want to leave. He's connected at the hip with the person he loves the most, so he never complains about you being a little clingy.

Simon Hastings:

Simon wouldn't love having clingy s/o. If it weren't for the Bridgertons, Lady Danbury, and you, Simon would be a complete loner. He's not one for a ton of social interaction and loud noises, so when Simon realized you were clingy he was unsure how to approach it. You're pretty much the only person he can stand for long periods, but growing up alone, he can't help but like to be on his own from time to time. Simon didn't just break up with you when he realized you were clingy but he did set boundaries. Whenever Simon wants to be alone he can go to his study. He knows how much you love to be around him though, and he loves you, so he never stays in there too long.

Daphne Bridgerton:

Daphne wouldn't mind a clingy s/o. She'd be fine either way. Daphne can be independent at times, but the truth is her mind is constantly swirling with thoughts of you. You being around most of the time helps quiet these thoughts, allowing her to concentrate on other things. Her favorite thing to do when you're around is playing the piano. You usually just listen to her play, leaning your head on her shoulder. The two of you also love reading to the other. You will lay in Daphne's lap and read to her while she plays with your hair or vice versa. She truly just loves to be around you. She just loves you.

Eloise Bridgerton:

Eloise wouldn't love having a clingy s/o. She is a very independent woman and, although she loves you a lot, she likes her space. Of course, she'd never break up with you for being clingy. She just has one rule. You can be with her as much as you want, but sometimes she needs complete silence to think. As long as you sit there quietly when she asks, she doesn't mind the company. She does like that she can constantly bounce ideas off you because you're always around. And if you beg her, she'll read some of her writing to you throughout the day. If it wasn't for her rule Eloise would probably hate how clingy you are, but she likes the comfortable silence and just having you around.

[sometimesiwrite]

Essi Daven: Character Reference

Aside from my own Headcanons and Theories concerning Essi Daven, I wanted to compile a character reference sheet for those of you who may want to write her or think about her independently from my own creative perspectives. This is, of course, still subjective, but I’ve linked my conclusions directly back to the source text and kept strictly to canon information for this. There is still conjecture, but that is largely where the role of fanfiction steps in. I hope you enjoy. Physicality

Right away, we see Essi as a blonde-haired, fine-featured, petite young woman. Nothing remarkable or extraordinary about her appearance aside from her eyes. As we come to know her more and more, it’s her behaviour and physical mannerisms rather than her appearance that make her more alluring as a  side character. Throughout this story, we see her “smile oddly”, “snear”, and on more than one occasion, she’s seen “defiantly” tossing her head (usually accompanied by blowing her lock out of her face).

On more than one occasion, she’s seen drawing her head to her shoulders. To me, this is not shyness or desire to hide. It is a turtling at times if she’s feeling particularly vulnerable or overwhelmed, but it’s also a very casual pose. On the terrace during the banquet, Geralt finds her leaning on her elbows with her shoulders hunched up looking at the water. She’s capable of poise and all the social graces required of a banquet, but when she has time to herself, she slouches, reverts to what’s comfortable, is a dork when she’s in her own head. Yet she “daintily” steps onto the pier to join Geralt the following morning. Based on this information, I put to you that she is someone whose eccentricity cannot be fully tamed by “refinement”.

We see more evidence of this in her handling of her “birthday present”:

At first, her reaction to the stinky mollusk is, “Yuk!” and she responds in a “typically dainty” way, holding the shell at arm’s length. That is, until she's given permission to like the shell. No longer socially “required” to find the smelly slimy ocean thing disgusting, Essi lets her more relaxed side out, pulling a knife from her belt (!), and dumping the insides out the window with the practical announcement that “the cats can eat it.” Her ability to turn 180° from “Ewwww” to “Oh, here, let me just shuck this with my casual waist-knife and chuck it out the window” makes for a high likelihood that she wasn’t that grossed out to begin with, but was rather performing societal expectations. 

This brings us to: 

Personality 

We’ve already touched on this a little, but I want to focus now on Essi’s personality, which is rather complex. One of the most general details about her personality, however, is in her speaking: she’s direct. Oftentimes blunt. Even if she’s feeling unsure, she’s not unsure of her words. She often says or asks things seemingly out of the blue, and doesn’t shy away from Depth in her conversation. Rather, it seems to be her comfort-zone, since she defaults to asking Geralt what he associates with the sea rather than making smalltalk. 

That last statement, that she’s neither calm nor composed, to me says a lot. She speaks what she feels, often more easily than what she thinks. And I suspect that she often experiences her thoughts as feelings—something that comes from her gut rather than her head which is reserved for biting wit and incisive observation. 

Essi knows people. Knows them well enough to push their buttons, either jokingly or politically. She’s not afraid of authority, and even though her emotions fill her entirely—to the point her hands will shake—they do not render her helpless to them; rather, it seems, her emotions fuel her rhetorical capacity. Being a bard, this makes sense since the language of song and poetry are driven by the dialogue between emotion and intellect. 

Moreover, she speaks what she feels to be the truth of her experience, whether it’s her experience of someone else, or her experience of herself. What she believes to be true (however subjectively) she speaks. And if she doesn’t know something, she asks and bluntly: 

The fact that she “blanches” yet doesn’t stumble over her words here tells me she’s an excellent performer, and reinforces my previous comment that while her emotions fill her, they don’t rule over her. And yet, we also know she is impulsive and impetuous from her conversation with Geralt on the terrace: 

In this exchange, we see one of Essi’s most fascinating self-contradictions at play. She claims not to know how to control herself, says she is impetuous, reactive (the next morning she bluntly admits to being “nosey” and owns it). And yet her ability to recognize and acknowledge her lack of self-control indicates a depth and a level of self-awareness that reinforces my previous statement that she experiences life as a series of feelings—impulses, emotions, “vibes”—more than what we would categorize as “thoughts”. Essi doesn’t have an internal monologue; she has an external monologue of whatever internal experiences make their way into a verbal headspace. She’s not one to prattle on, talk for the sake of talking (like some Other Bards we know) because even though she has a lot going on internally, only some of it will ever make its way into words.  

As demure, dainty, and fragile as Essi seems to be, she also has, as Dandelion puts it, “a dark side”. 

Exactly what that is, we never really learn, but we get a glimpse of it from Geralt’s perspective at the banquet:

What did she say? While we may not be meant to ever know the answer, we know that a) Essi was smug about it; and b) whatever it was was cutting and more than likely sexually demoralizing in nature. 

Which brings us to…

Sexuality and Romance

There are several instances throughout A Little Sacrifice that indicate a level of sexual maturity and confidence in Essi that contrast interestingly with her emotional naivety (which I’ll get to in a moment). 

It’s possible, in this instance, that Essi simply doesn’t not abide by the same “rules” about physical boundaries and various social meanings behind physical touch. This moment is certainly not enough to draw any conclusions one way or another. However, the description of her kiss with Geralt on the terrace is less ambiguous in this way, more ambiguous in another.

I first want to fully acknowledge that this scene is a mess of different signals, and I believe the lack of further insight on the part of the author is not intriguing, but lazy. But I digress. She kisses him eagerly and expertly, which suggests that she, mechanically at least, knows what she’s doing with her face and someone else’s. The fact that she distances the rest of her body from Geralt suggests a few things: a) she wants to kiss Geralt but doesn’t know whether he feels the same way, so doesn’t want to commit fully; b) she knows that Geralt doesn’t know why he’s kissing her, and so is trying to distance herself from him so that neither of them makes a mistake; c) she’s caught off-guard and doesn’t mind having a good smooch but doesn’t want him to get the wrong idea about her wanting anything else; d) all of the above. 

I would include the possibility that she feels threatened by him and is merely going through the motions, but there’s enough evidence before and after to refute that as a forefront possibility. That’s not to say it isn’t in the background, but the use of “eagerly” would suggest that she’s enthusiastic about a little lip action. We do know that she’s not “looking for a man for the night” from the end of their conversation before going back inside. 

I have a few headcanons about Essi’s sexuality and I shuffle back and forth between them depending on the day. There’s enough evidence to support a halfhearted claim that Essi is a virgin (which doesn’t inherently negate the evidence for sexual confidence), but I lean more toward the notion that Essi is sexually experienced (thought likely far less than Dandelion), picky (hence the red-eared young man at the banquet), and romantically inexperienced. There is, I will say, a level of modesty, vulnerability, and hesitation in her interactions with Geralt that lead me to believe she has had minimal directly-sexual encounters. 

Is it projecting to say she reminds me a lot of myself in my early-20s? Yes. But to say this character resonates very strongly with my personal experiences, I think, gives some character insight where information and road signs are lacking from the author. And I will say, it is very in-keeping with Essi’s ongoing self-contradictions to be both bawdy and sexually inexperienced. Her canon story arc, unfortunately, doesn’t allow us to imagine her a few years older, but the idea of a more confident, self-assured Essi at 23/24 makes me very happy. 

Now, I’m not going to slog through the dialogue disaster that is Essi’s emotional outpouring to Geralt, but suffice it to say, it’s clear she’s never been infatuated/in love before, though she is clearly a romantic. She hates the feeling of being in love, hates that it turns her needy, hates the way it makes her skin crawl and her stomach churn. But there’s something appealing about it as well, and I think there’s a part of her that is desperate to make love. Regardless of whether or not she’s sexually active, to me it’s clear that she wants an emotional-physical connection of some kind; she seeks out comfort from Geralt, seeks out affection, tenderness, but she is also seeking an emotional return—the little sacrifice that Geralt cannot find within himself to give. If she’s had bedmates in the past, it would be remiss to call them lovers. 

That’s it, folks! That’s all I’ve got for the time being. As always, questions and observations are welcome (as well as disagreements as long as you’re willing to do it nice and polite like). 

[all-of-the-above]

Getting back to ‘normal’

We can all see the day fast approaching, July 19th, the big day. The day for change, prosperity, freedom, fear and anxiety. When you look to this next stage of our lives and this time of covid, you may feel…

A)    Excited

B)    Scared

C)    Anxious

D)    Fearful

E)    Happy

F)     Lonely

G)    Angry

H)    All of the above?

I think it’s fair to say that each of us will be feeling many things when it comes to July 19th, I think the whole of our society is mixed, and that’s okay. What we have endured so far has been hectic, heart wrenching, and quite unexplainable. Everyone’s experience has also been different, whether that’s because of jobs or lack of, family or lack of, losses, loneliness, mental health impacts, physical impacts, and so much more. By your experience of covid, I think this will impact your experience of this next stage, it will be impacting your thoughts and feelings immensely and to feel confused at this stage is very much okay.

I think a large feeling that will be circling many of us is anxiety. A lot is changing around us, and we’ve been comfortable for a year in our habits, so breaking out of them is a scary thing and something which we will all have to do in our own time. A big thing is how socialising more will be coming, we can get up in a pub and say hi to our friends across the room. It’s such a good feeling to not feel restrained. However what needs to be considered is each individual and how comfortable they are. Respect people’s boundaries. Just because you can do that from 19th, doesn’t mean everyone wants to, and that’s ok. Don’t judge someone for being anxious, or cautious, allow them to do what is necessary for their wellbeing and support them through it when and where needed.

I know one new thing which is affecting the younger generation, especially myself and my friends is the reopening of clubs. Having gone through both my 18th and 19th birthday in lockdown, I am yet to have stepped foot in a club. It’s a whole different atmosphere, let alone the crowds of people and sudden lack of social distancing with complete strangers. It’s good to be excited for this new experience, but it’s also okay to be anxious and unsure. Don’t feel pressured by that day, your friends, or social media. If you aren’t ready it is ok. You need to take your own time with everything, and if you’re someone who’s never been to a club it’s a big new experience that probably would’ve seemed scary before covid and the last year we’ve all had. A club is a place where all the measures we’ve been following are suddenly forgotten, so if you’re not ready, don’t force yourself, if you get out there, you can leave. There’s no rules and no pressure to doing what is right for you. However you feel right now and in a few days and even a few weeks’ time, is valid.

The government is saying it is optional to wear facemasks. Now these have become a comfort for many people, whilst others a nuisance. If your someone who looks forward not having to wear one, fair enough, but do not judge those who will still chose to wear one, they are doing that for them, and you have no right to look at them funny for it. This entire process is about doing what feels right to you, not rushing yourself, taking your time and not trying to please others. Take everything at your pace and that will keep your mind and body happy and healthy. We need to respect one another, still keep in mind personal space and not think “oh we’re friends/family so its okay”. That has nothing to do with how that other individual may feel. Be kind, be safe, and be there for one another.

There is still uncertainty. Although we are told after this looming day we cannot go back, who’s to say one day another lockdown won’t be necessary. This is a scary thought, a lonely, isolating thought for many people. Although we may be excited to start living our lives again, to enjoy ourselves without restrictions, in the back of our heads can still remain this innate fear of a relapse to life a few months ago. So many of us have been impacted negatively by covid, and our mental health has suffered as a consequence, then to fear going back to such a stage, well, its terrifying. It’s hard to forget about what we can’t control and accept it all for what it is. But if you are someone who is struggling at the thought of this, if you’re worried and fearful, that’s okay, you are not alone. Sadly, none of us have the answer, yet there is always hope. We can build upon our struggles to make a brighter future and remind ourselves that no matter what happens, we have courage and strength within us. Reflect on this year you’ve had, and don’t forget to look at each and every positive. Maybe you lost a relationship, at the time it certainly didn’t feel like a positive, but know that it all happens for a reason, and the right people don’t leave, so see it as the positive that it is. You have grown from the experience; you have not lost but gained more self-respect and self-love. Think of the new hobbies you may have picked up to fill your time and how some of them may now be your favourite things to do. Look at how the relationships you have in your life now are more meaningful and stronger than ever, whether you have gained or lost any. Look within yourself and all you have done, look how far you have come, look at what you have been through and pat yourself on the back for it. Give yourself some extra love and effort at this time. Acknowledge how you feel and feel comfortable with it.

Take it all as it comes, listen to how you feel, respect each other, do what you need to, feel comfortable and happy and know how you feel is valid, you are not alone and you are stronger than you ever thought imaginable.

[blankie-greenie-anon]

Hypmic High School AU

The inspiration of this AU is the characters’ MC titles. I was wondering how much funnier Hypmic would be if the characters referred to each other by their MCs instead of their names, and then I was reminded of “Oshiete, Galko-chan!” which is a series about high schoolers who only ever refer to one another by nicknames based on their personalities, hobbies or fashions.

Anyway, in this AU, not all the characters ages will be the same as canon.

Buster Bros!!!

BB, MB, & LB: Ichiro, Jiro and Saburo are fraternal 16-year-old triplets. They run a club that does odd jobs for students. The club is unofficial but is well-loved and efficient enough that the headmistress is willing to let it exist.

Saburo is a third-year because he skipped grades. He also takes advanced computer classes outside school. This means Saburo’s days are more packed than the average student but he enjoys the challenge.

Jiro is a second-year because he’s supposed to be. Since the school allows students to participate in more than one club, he’s also a member of the soccer team and is its ace. Additionally, he has the phone numbers of nearly every student as well as is a member of almost every existing group chat in the school, so he knows all the juicy gossip.

Ichiro is a first-year because he got held back. The reason was Nemu, whom he was good friends, classmates, and fellow otakus with. During the holidays as a first-year, Ichiro invited Nemu to a convention in another town. Problems arouse—their phones broke (Ichiro’s fault) and so did the train home (not Ichiro’s fault). Because of that, the two of them had to stay at a hotel. When they finally got home, Ichiro finds out he has to retake his first year, and it was Samatoki’s fault.

MAD TRIGGER CREW

Mr.Hc: The toughest grader who writes the toughest test questions for Mathematics—that’s Samatoki. To be fair, Samatoki does make an effort to teach his students so they can answer those questions and get the best grades, resulting in his students having a love-hate relationship with him.

45 Rabbit: An alumnus of the high school, Jyuto campaigned for student council presidency as ‘a lonely, only rabbit’ who had exactly forty-five supporters. He won by blackmailing his competitors off the roster. Currently, he’s a security guard of his old high school who’s constantly on the look out for blackmail he can use to control the troublemakers in the school. The headmistress, Otome, knows and pays him well for his services, so he’s quite loaded for a high school security guard.

Crazy M: Rio’s one of the food preparators in the cafeteria and serves the craziest dishes. Only Dice and Doppo would ever eat them. Leftovers are shared with Samatoki and Jyuto, to their dismay. Rio is the reason MAD TRIGGER CREW came to be. Every night, he sleeps in a tent on the school field.

Samatoki became a teacher at that school to watch over Nemu. He is very protective of her, to the point that he forbade her from going to a convention in another town because he wasn’t free to accompany her and freaked out when she snuck away and was uncontactable for a night. Jyuto and Rio stayed with him until Nemu came back. Samatoki was going to look for her when Rio showed him a photo of Nemu and Ichiro at a hotel. Samatoki jumped to the conclusion that Ichiro led Nemu astray and ordered Jyuto to use his connections to the headmistress to hold back Ichiro so he cannot be in the same class as her. When Nemu found out what he did, she told him off for being overprotective and moved out of the house.

Fling Posse

easy R: Ramuda earned that name by having an easygoing personality. He never seems to worry or put effort in anything, yet he somehow gets incredible grades. Instead of taking notes, he sketches fashion designs in class and brings them to reality in the tailors’ club that he is the president of.

Phantom: Gentaro shows up in class so rarely, most of the staff is unsure if he actually exists. When he does show, Gentaro might attend classes that aren’t his, which frightens those who realize he shouldn’t be there. His absence is due to his novelist job, which he carries out under a pseudonym.

Dead or Alive: Dice can be absent from classes for a few weeks or a whole month. In those periods, no one knows where he is, or if he’s even alive, until he happily pops up again. He’s a big fan of strip poker, albeit a lousy player.

Ramuda and Gentaro are second-years in different classes while Dice is a first-year. In the miraculous instance that Gentaro and Dice are present at school at the same day, Ramuda invites them to have a picnic lunch on the school’s roof, everything provided by him.

Fling Posse came to be the first time Gentaro and Dice were appeared on the same day. Gentaro crashed Ramuda’s science class. Ramuda noticed him and offered to partner up for the class activity. Aware of Gentaro’s rarity, Ramuda stayed at his side for the rest of the school day, and Gentaro willingly followed Ramuda’s schedule because he felt it was good material for his novels. At one point during their time together, Ramuda caught a glimpse of Gentaro’s notes and found out he was trying to describe a character’s unique outfit, so Ramuda invited Gentaro to the tailors’ club to ‘help inspire him’ (read: show off his creations). When they arrived at the clubroom, they find Dice inside, naked. After some screaming (“Pervert!” “No, I’m not! Honest!”), Dice explains that he’d lost a game of strip poker and his opponents had added a bet that he cannot collect his uniform if he lost. Hence, he snuck into the tailors’ clubroom for extra clothes, which Ramuda happily offered once he’s heard everything. They spend the rest of the day in the club, getting to know one another and Ramuda’s clothes. In the end, they exchanged phone numbers and social media handles, although Dice could only write Ramuda and Gentaro’s numbers on his wrists because he had betted and lost his phone during one gambling game, something that happened frequently so he’s constantly getting new burner phones.

Ramuda was the one who took that photo of Ichiro and Nemu. He never meant any harm. He just happened to be in the same place (that hotel also hosted a fashion convention for up-and-coming designers and Ramuda wanted to promote his stuff). He noticed Ichiro and Nemu and kept trying to call them over but they never heard him and he was too busy to track them down. In the end, he was able to take that photo when those two happened to pass the hallway he was in. Ramuda posted that photo on his Instagram (LOLOLOL whatchu 2 doin’ here??? #[hotelname]) in hopes Ichiro and Nemu would see it, unaware that their phones were broken. Samatoki saw that post, and the rest was history.

Matenro

ill-DOC: The school nurse with delusions about being the reincarnation of a healing wolf deity whose duty is cure the world of all evil, although that side of Jakurai appears only occasionally and he’s a great doctor and counselor for the most part. Because of this, he is seen by students as ‘a doctor who’s a little ill in the head’.

GIGOLO: After starting a popular host club in the school, Hifumi was derided by jealous haters, with ‘gigolo’ being their favorite insult. However, Hifumi was able to turn the tables by happily accepting the title of ‘gigolo’ and encouraging his fans to call him so with love.

DOPPO: When coming up with his nickname, Doppo was so depressed, because of the pressure his parents put on him to be the best student he can be in school, that his suggestions were ‘zombie’, ‘corpse’, and ‘hanged man’. Hifumi convinced him to stick with his actual name because he wanted Doppo to learn to love himself.

Hifumi and Doppo are third-years and in the same class. They live apart and reach school at different times. Hifumi always arrives later because he needs time to prepare a bento for himself and another for Doppo.

Hifumi and Doppo always eat lunch in the infirmary with Jakurai, although Doppo frequently sees Jakurai during school periods besides lunch. When he’s too stressed, Doppo ditches class and runs to the infirmary to rest or vent. Sometimes, Doppo is too depressed to go to the infirmary, so Hifumi carries him there before going back to class and taking notes for him.

Once, Hifumi was chased by a lustful female teacher whom he’d rejected. In his panic, he crashed Doppo’s session with Jakurai to beg for help. When the teacher found Hifumi, Jakurai stood between him and her and fended off the teacher with an IV stand while Doppo called the police. Hifumi would experience similar situations several more times, but continued his host club because his guests always respected his boundaries as per the rules and regulations he set for his club, meaning he was safest in his host club.

Dotsuitare Honpo

Tragic Comedy: Sasara is responsible for teaching history for second-years. His teaching tactics involve making puns of historical figures and retelling historical events in a comedic manner. Tragically, the grades he gets from his students aren’t particularly amazing. If it weren’t for his popularity, Sasara would’ve been fired and there’d be more students playing hooky. Besides that, he likes performing comedy skits at the local playground for any kids to watch. If they like him enough, the kids might share sweets with Sasara.

WISDOM: Rosho teaches all supplementary classes, regardless of subject. He will tutor personally if asked politely. Many times he’s scolded Sasara for his comedic lessons, since a big portion of the students attending his supplementary lessons belong to Sasara. 

MasterMind: Rei is the school’s janitor and has been seen in every part of the school. Because he tended to be present at the scene whenever there’s an incident in the school, Rei has been joked to be the ‘mastermind’ of those incidents. In fact, the students have a meme involving editing Rei into various international incidents and claiming he’s caused them. Little did many know, Rei is responsible for some happenings in the school and outside.

During his first week of work, Rei tricked Rosho into believing the former was another supplementary teacher the school hired. Then, Rei taught the students bogus information for a week and caused them to fail an upcoming test. Those students are then forced to ‘volunteer’ to help perform some school-related activities for extra credit. When Rosho found out what happened, he tried to get Rei fired, except he couldn’t because Rei was ordered by Otome to engineer that flunking. Rei didn’t pretend to be teacher again after that.

Rei runs a side business of selling ‘caffeine pills’ that improve one’s academic skills. Those drugs are actually normal candy rewrapped so their origins are hidden, but the placebo effect does a great job of motivating students to study. When Sasara found out, he thought Rei was hilarious and befriended him.

The Samatoki-Ichiro drama was masterminded by Rei. Ichijiku found it super creepy how obsessed Samatoki was with Nemu and asked Rei to cause a rift. Thus, Rei helped plan that convention (purposefully setting it in another town, near a hotel) before talking about it in Ichiro’s vicinity. He also caused their phones to break and the train home to be out of commission. Ramuda being at the same hotel as Ichiro and Nemu was planned too, and his taking of that photo was manipulated by Rei, whether he realized it or not. When Ichiro got held back, Rei didn’t do anything to help him because he wanted the Buster Bros!!! to get used to being apart (Yeah, Saburo’s grade-skipping was subliminally encouraged by Rei, and yes, Rei is the father of the Buster Bros!!! but is in no rush to tell them).

Bad Ass Temple

Evil Monk: There’s a shrine in the same neighborhood as the high school, and Kuko works there. However, most people are too scared to visit that shrine and are often driven away by Kuko’s rough personality. He’s best friends with Ichiro, to the point of retaking his first year to stay by his side.

14th Moon: Most students mistook ‘14th Moon’ to be Jyushi’s Visual Kei alias instead of the name of the Visual Kei band he started with Amanda the pig plushie. Although younger than Kuko, Jyushi is a second-year and Jiro’s classmate. He’s had Amanda stolen from him multiple times for ransom.

Heaven & Hell: There was once a huge debate about whether Hitoya, the disciplinary supervisor, was good or bad. The school has its fair share of troublemakers who are often sent to Hitoya’s office to have their penalties determined. There, Hitoya will suggest them two ways they could be punished, and the troublemakers must decide which they prefer. The reason students doubt his badness is because he makes sure bullies pay from their actions and helps the victims achieve safety. At the same time, his goodness is doubted because not all the troublemakers were bullies or even serious problems, yet Hitoya punished them quite sternly, if not as harshly as he does with bullies. Eventually, Hitoya had to say something about how “he’s always giving [troublemakers] hell”, and what he said was “I’m giving you troublemakers hell so you’ll make it to heaven in the future!” which got butchered into “I’m heaven and hell” as it was shared amongst students.

Kuko is well-acquainted with Hitoya because the latter is well-acquainted with the former’s father. This connection doesn’t mean Kuko gets free passes though. On the contrary, his punishments are worse because Hitoya wants to help his father straighten him out. However, Hitoya also often employs Kuko when straightening out bullies. One such example was, after Hitoya managed to round up every bully who used Amanda to extort Jyushi, he made them decide between paying back the total amount they took or facing off Kuko. The bullies chose to pay up.

There was a time where the neighborhood the school was in had an influx of gang members mugging people. Due to Jyushi’s own experiences of having money forcefully taken from him, he was too scared to go home alone and kept asking Hitoya to accompany him. Hitoya assigned him Kuko for a bodyguard instead until those gang members were dealt with.

Kuko has a spare key to Hitoya’s office, which he has many uses for. One of them is a place to nap when Hitoya patrols, since no one would think to find him there. The second use is to get his hands on the confiscated electronics (game consoles, music devices, etc.) and play with them while he’s playing hooky. Third, the office is the perfect hiding place for when he brings any prohibited items, or if Ichiro brings anything he doesn’t want Samatoki to confiscate.

Jyushi likes Hitoya’s office too. When the exam season draws near, Jyushi chooses to study with Hitoya, instead of in the library. He’d have lunch there too if Hitoya didn’t eat at the cafeteria. Kuko joins occasionally, to nap.

[just-antithings]

With regards to something pro-survivors said, I wanted to see for myself just how similar anti-shippers are to a cult. Based on my own observations and experiences, I've used the BITE model to evaluate just how much like a cult anti-shippers really are. Obviously I'm not an expert or anything, but ultimately I think I agree with pro-survivors that there are some qualities about anti-shippers that are cult-like, but it's not a cult at the end of the day. Trigger warnings for mentions of rape, torture, kidnapping, murder, and abuse.

Behavior Control:

1. Regulate individual’s physical reality [No]

2. Dictate where, how, and with whom the member lives and associates or isolates [Yes]

3. When, how and with whom the member has sex [Unsure]

4. Control types of clothing and hairstyles [No]

5. Regulate diet – food and drink, hunger and/or fasting [No]

6. Manipulation and deprivation of sleep [No]

7. Financial exploitation, manipulation or dependence [No]

8. Restrict leisure, entertainment, vacation time [Yes, entertainment]

9. Major time spent with group indoctrination and rituals and/or self indoctrination including the Internet [Yes]

10. Permission required for major decisions [Unsure, maybe sometimes]

11. Rewards and punishments used to modify behaviors, both positive and negative [Yes]

12. Discourage individualism, encourage group-think [Yes]

13. Impose rigid rules and regulations [Yes]

14. Punish disobedience by beating, torture, burning, cutting, rape, or tattooing/branding [No]

15. Threaten harm to family and friends [Yes]

16. Force individual to rape or be raped [No]

17. Encourage and engage in corporal punishment [No]

18. Instill dependency and obedience [Yes]

19. Kidnapping [No]

20. Beating [No]

21. Torture [No]

22. Rape [No]

23. Separation of Families [No]

24. Imprisonment [No]

25. Murder [No]

Information Control:

1. Deception: a. Deliberately withhold information [Yes] b. Distort information to make it more acceptable [Yes] c. Systematically lie to the cult member [Sometimes]

2. Minimize or discourage access to non-cult sources of information, including: a. Internet, TV, radio, books, articles, newspapers, magazines, media [Yes] b. Critical information [Yes] c. Former members [Yes] d. Keep members busy so they don’t have time to think and investigate [Unsure, probably not] e. Control through cell phone with texting, calls, internet tracking [Sometimes]

3. Compartmentalize information into Outsider vs. Insider doctrines a. Ensure that information is not freely accessible [Yes] b. Control information at different levels and missions within group [Maybe] c. Allow only leadership to decide who needs to know what and when [Maybe, there's no real leader]

4. Encourage spying on other members a. Impose a buddy system to monitor and control member [Yes] b. Report deviant thoughts, feelings and actions to leadership [Kind of, there is no leader] c. Ensure that individual behavior is monitored by group [Yes]

5. Extensive use of cult-generated information and propaganda, including: a. Newsletters, magazines, journals, audiotapes, videotapes, YouTube, movies and other media [Yes] b. Misquoting statements or using them out of context from non-cult sources [Yes]

6. Unethical use of confession a. Information about sins used to disrupt and/or dissolve identity boundaries [Sometimes] b. Withholding forgiveness or absolution [Yes] c. Manipulation of memory, possible false memories [No]

Thought Control:

1. Require members to internalize the group’s doctrine as truth a. Adopting the group’s ‘map of reality’ as reality [Yes] b. Instill black and white thinking [Yes] c. Decide between good vs. evil [Yes] d. Organize people into us vs. them (insiders vs. outsiders) [Yes]

2. Change person’s name and identity [No]

3. Use of loaded language and clichés which constrict knowledge, stop critical thoughts and reduce complexities into platitudinous buzz words [Yes]

4. Encourage only ‘good and proper’ thoughts [Yes]

5. Hypnotic techniques are used to alter mental states, undermine critical thinking and even to age regress the member [No]

6. Memories are manipulated and false memories are created [No]

7. Teaching thought-stopping techniques which shut down reality testing by stopping negative thoughts and allowing only positive thoughts, including: a. Denial, rationalization, justification, wishful thinking [No] b. Chanting [No] c. Meditating [No] d. Praying [No] e. Speaking in tongues [No] f. Singing or humming [No]

8. Rejection of rational analysis, critical thinking, constructive criticism [Yes]

9. Forbid critical questions about leader, doctrine, or policy allowed [Yes]

10. Labeling alternative belief systems as illegitimate, evil, or not useful [Yes]

11. Instill new “map of reality” [Yes]

Emotional Control:

1. Manipulate and narrow the range of feelings – some emotions and/or needs are deemed as evil, wrong or selfish [Yes]

2. Teach emotion-stopping techniques to block feelings of homesickness, anger, doubt [No]

3. Make the person feel that problems are always their own fault, never the leader’s or the group’s fault [Maybe]

4. Promote feelings of guilt or unworthiness, such as: a. Identity guilt [Maybe] b. You are not living up to your potential [No] c. Your family is deficient [Maybe] d. Your past is suspect [Yes] e. Your affiliations are unwise [Yes] f. Your thoughts, feelings, actions are irrelevant or selfish [Yes] g. Social guilt [Yes] f. Historical guilt [No]

5. Instill fear, such as fear of: a. Thinking independently [Yes] b. The outside world [Sometimes] c. Enemies [Yes] d. Losing one’s salvation [Yes] e. Leaving or being shunned by the group [Yes] f. Other’s disapproval [Yes] f. Historical guilt [Not]

6. Extremes of emotional highs and lows – love bombing and praise one moment and then declaring you are horrible sinner [Yes]

7. Ritualistic and sometimes public confession of sins [Sometimes]

8. Phobia indoctrination: inculcating irrational fears about leaving the group or questioning the leader’s authority [Yes] a. No happiness or fulfillment possible outside of the group [Sometimes] b. Terrible consequences if you leave: hell, demon possession, incurable diseases, accidents, suicide, insanity, 10,000 reincarnations, etc. [Yes] c. Shunning of those who leave; fear of being rejected by friends and family [Yes] d. Never a legitimate reason to leave; those who leave are weak, undisciplined, unspiritual, worldly, brainwashed by family or counselor, or seduced by money, sex, or rock and roll [Yes] e. Threats of harm to ex-member and family [Yes]

[snowdice]

The Things We Never Mentioned (Part 1 of 3)

Fandom: Sanders Sides

Relationships: Logan/Patton

Characters: Logan, Patton, oops i made a self insert Lia(OC)

Summary:

“Believe it or not, academia and relationships are not mutually exclusive.” That was likely true, Logan knew. It was also not the problem.

The problem was his ability to move things with his mind, a blue suit he kept in his bag, and the mountains of red files he kept hidden in his apartment. No one knew that Logan was Bluebird, the cities resident superhero. He hadn’t even told his parents and he wasn’t planning on doing so. Sharing such a secret with anyone was a danger to everyone involved. He refused to do so.

At the same time, he knew that starting a romantic relationship with anyone who didn’t know the truth, was unfair to that person. Inevitably they would find out and there would be a disastrous fallout, but beyond that, starting a relationship on a foundation of lies was a horribly cruel thing to do to another person.

These two conflicting rules Logan followed had never posed an issue for him before recently, but…

But he did like Patton.

This is a three-shot dealing with events set before my story Sometimes Labels Fail set about a month and a half after the mini fics A Coffee Shop Meet Cute and A Coffee Shop Incident Report.

Notes: Superhero AU, people crushing really hard

“Why are you being all weird?” Lia asked.

Logan paused in his grading and frowned at her from across the table. They were seated in “The Hideout” at one of the tables with 200 exams between them. “What do you mean?”

“You’re acting all cagey. You keep looking around and you’re rubbing at the sleeve of your sweater like you do when professors are handing back assignments you struggled with.” Logan stopped the indicated action and placed his hands resolutely on the tabletop.

“I’m fine.”

“Too many people?” she asked. “We can go to my apartment if you want. Greg won’t mind.”

“No!” he said, perhaps a bit too enthusiastically judging by the odd look she gave him. “I quite enjoy this coffee shop.”

“…What’s your deal today Logan?”

“I am simply stressed at the number of final exams we have to grade by tomorrow.”

“I don’t know if I believe you.”

“That is not my problem,” he replied and took a sip of his coffee before going back to his grading. He still couldn’t stop his eyes from going to the door every so often.

It was about 15 minutes later when the bell over the door chimed and Logan’s hand went still when his eyes found “The Hideouts” newest patron. They met eyes briefly and Patton immediately corrected his course toward the table.

“Hi Logan,” he said with a smile, stopping about a foot away from where Logan sat.

“Hello Patton,” he replied. “How are you today?”

“Oh, I’m good.” They made eye contact for a couple of moments longer before he seemed to register Lia’s presence. “Oh, um. Sorry if I’m intruding.”

“You’re not,” Lia said before Logan could say anything. “Hi, I’m Lia,” she said offering her hand. “And you’re Patton if I heard right.”

He shook her hand with a smile. “I am. It’s nice to meet you.”

“It’s nice to meet you too. How do you and Logan know each other?”

“We’re just both regulars here and I almost poured a cup of coffee on him about a month and a half ago.”

“Wow,” she responded and then turned her eyes on Logan with some sort of untrustworthy twinkle in them. “Wow,” she repeated.

“Lia and I,” Logan said turning to Patton, “were teaching assistants for the same course this semester and are now grading the student’s finals.”

“I see. Well, you’re obviously busy so I’ll just let you…”

“Oh, you like Mind of Mystery?” Lia suddenly interjected.

Patton looked at her in surprise and then seemed to remember something, looking down at one of the pens on his bag. “Oh!” he said. “Yeah, I do.”

“You know, I love that show. Logan have you ever watched that show.”

“Uh… no.”

“Well that sucks. Now I kinda want to talk about it. Hey, grading doesn’t really take much brain power. Why don’t you grab a coffee and come sit with us? We can talk about the show. It will keep my mind off this mountain.” She waved to the stack in front of her.

“Oh, I,” he said, biting his lower lip. “I wouldn’t want to intrude.”

“It’s fine,” Logan said instantly.

Patton looked at him and smiled widely before looking away. “Okay then,” he replied. “I’ll go get some coffee.”

He watched the other man walk to the counter and then turned back to Lia. “What?” he asked at the strange look on her face.

“Oh my god,” she said and reached over to give him a punch on the shoulder. “You didn’t tell me you had a cute coffee shop boy.”

“I don’t have him Lia.”

“Have you asked him?” Logan felt the tips of his ears heat. “And don’t think I didn’t notice that you didn’t argue that he’s cute.”

“Well that is an objective fact.”

“Oh, is it now?” she asked. “Is that what Logan’s calling objective now?”

“He is clearly aesthetically pleasing. I am simply stating fact.”

“So, there’s no bias there?”

“Not at all, you noticed yourself did you not?” She rolled her eyes.

“Logan,” she said. “My dear friend, co-teacher, and office mate, if you don’t ask out the cute coffee shop boy who is clearly into you, I will slightly move every single one of your pens in the office.”

“And then I will throw your desk out of the window.”

“Come on, Logan,” she groaned. “He’s as cute as a button and is making heart eyes at you from the counter.”

Logan craned his neck backwards and Patton was indeed looking at him. He looked away when he met Logan’s eyes. Logan turned back to Lia, his blush now fully formed.

“Please,” she whisper-chanted. “Please, please, please, please, please.”

“Why are you so interested in my dating prospects?” he hissed back.

“Because you’re my friend, you were clearly hoping he’d show up, and you lit up like a Christmas tree when he came in. You have to ask him out.”

“I’m not interested in dating at this point in my life,” Logan said. “I’m quite busy with my studies and teaching. There is no room for such frivolities.”

“Logan I’m getting married this summer.”

“Yes, and that is you. Not me.”

“Believe it or not, academia and relationships are not mutually exclusive.” That was likely true, Logan knew. It was also not the problem.

The problem was his ability to move things with his mind, a blue suit he kept in his bag, and the mountains of red files he kept hidden in his apartment. No one knew that Logan was Bluebird, the cities resident superhero. He hadn’t even told his parents and he wasn’t planning on doing so. Sharing such a secret with anyone was a danger to everyone involved. He refused to do so.

At the same time, he knew that starting a romantic relationship with anyone who didn’t know the truth, was unfair to that person. Inevitably they would find out and there would be a disastrous fallout, but beyond that, starting a relationship on a foundation of lies was a horribly cruel thing to do to another person.

These two conflicting rules Logan followed had never posed an issue for him before recently, but…

But he did like Patton.

“It isn’t an option for me at this point in my life,” Logan said.

Lia looked like she wanted to respond, but then shut her mouth and smiled over his shoulder. Patton appeared back at the table a moment later. He grabbed a chair from a nearby table to sit.

“How did the end of the semester go for you?” Patton asked.

“For the classes I took, it went well,” Logan answered. “As for the one I taught, it is not quite as over as I would like.” He gestured toward the exams stacked on the table.

“That looks like a lot.”

“Ugh,” Lia said. “It is and I’m suffering.”

Patton’s nose scrunched up a bit as he smiled. “Did you enjoy what you taught this semester at least? Calc II right?”

Lia shot Logan a look as though it were not normal behavior for someone to discuss the course they were teaching with an acquaintance or for said acquaintance to retain that information. “Yep,” she replied. “It was pretty fun. The students can be silly, but I like teaching.”

“I’m sure Dr. Stewart thought the same thing about you when you couldn’t remember the definition of a Lie group on your final.”

She stuck out her tongue in response. “Anyway,” she said. “It was a fun course to teach. It’s where you start getting mostly math majors or majors that need a lot of math and not people taking requirements. Plus, I got to work with Logan this semester so that was nice.” Logan rolled his eyes at her and hid his warming cheeks by taking a drink of coffee. “He’s great to work with, you know. The students all like him because he’s good at being patient and very thorough.” Okay, another drink of coffee. “I like working with him because he doesn’t hit on me since he’s very gay.” Logan chocked on his coffee.

“I’m,” he stopped to cough. “Unsure what my sexuality has to do with anything.”

“I’m just making conversation,” Lia replied innocently.

Patton chuckled softly and bit his lip with his own light blush on his cheeks. Oh god. He knew. If Logan had less self-restraint, he would have just thrown himself out the window and flown into the sun. Patton cleared his throat after a moment. “Didn’t you want to talk about Mind of Mystery, Lia?” he ask.

She frowned. Clearly, she did not want to talk about a television show. Yet, she was thankfully forced by social convention to discuss it with him. Logan did not have much to contribute about a television show he had never watched, but despite that, found himself unable to effectively grade. He held the red pen in his hand and hovered it over one of his students’ exams, but all of his attention was on their conversation. Patton was soft spoken usually, but his voice was always clear. That is unless he was tired. Logan secretly loved the days he came in a little sleepy even though it must be bad for the man’s health, especially as it was often during the mid-morning. His speech got a little slower and his voice went deeper. He also lost some of his sense of boundaries and got a bit touchier when tired. With most people, this would make Logan cringe, but with Patton it made his chest warm.

The conversation slowly came back around to talk about the exams Logan and Lia were grading which Logan was more prepared to be a participate in.

“Hey, what’s the answer supposed to be for 26?” Lia asked. “My answer’s not lining up with Dr. Bakers.”

“Which test form?” he asked.

“B,” she replied. “It’s this one.” She leaned over to point to a question on the blank exam she’d been using to scribble on. Patton leaned over to glance at it too as Logan wrote it down on some scratch paper to work it out. Ugh. Integration by parts. He was too brain numb for this right now.

“1/2- ln(2)/2,” Patton said after a few moments. Logan looked over at the napkin in front of him where he’d written out the steps in precise script.

Now, Logan tried very hard to not be an academic elitist. He’d honestly been absolutely obnoxious in his high school years but had taken a step back and reevaluated his attitude later in life, helped by being humbled by a few of his first-year graduate classes. He had not cared about Patton’s ability to solve calculus problems. It was not at all why the man captivated his attention in the past month. In fact, he’d been running under the notion that the man was not particularly book smart and he had been perfectly content to strike up an acquaintanceship with him despite that.

So why did he suddenly want to capitulate to what Lia had been needling him about this entire afternoon just because the man could calculate a definite integral.

Perhaps it had little to do with the equation at all.

“Pretty and smart,” Lia commented. Logan kicked her under the table and for good measure made the plastic coffee cup that was teetering on the edge tip all the way over. Lia made a noise of frustration and got up to get some napkins to clean up the mess.

“Please ignore everything she says,” he said to Patton.

“I think it’s sweet,” Patton said. “She seems like a good friend.”

“I would barely call her a friend,” Logan murmured, “She won’t even be an office mate once I manage to get her desk to the roof of the math building.”

Patton laughed, but they were interrupted by something beeping at his waist. He glanced down at what seemed to be a pager. “Oh!” he said. “I’ve got to go, sorry.”

“Of course,” Logan said, blinking at the pager. “I hope it isn’t an emergency.”

“Oh, it’s always an emergency,” Patton mumbled. “Bye Lia,” he said when she returned back to the table. “I’ve got to go, but it was nice meeting you.” He turned to Logan. “I’ll, um, see you later. Probably not today, but later.”

Logan nodded. “Have a good rest of your day,” he said and got a small smile in return.

“Bye Patton, nice to meet you!” Lia called after him, and then he was out the door.

They decided to finish grading for the day about 20 minutes later.

“Well,” Lia said chipperly when they exited the coffee shop. “That was a productive coffee shop grading party.”

Logan rolled his eyes. “Sure.”

“But… we still have over 150 exams to have graded by Monday.”

“Right,” Logan said. “Somebody kill me.”

Want to read more? Click below!

AO3 Part 2 Part 3

[that-damn-girl]

His

(Oneshot)

Pairing: Stucky (Bucky Barnes x Steve Rogers) (MCU)

First part of  my collection of oneshots/drabbles for Stucky in the same universe in chronological order - His. Could be read as a STAND ALONE since ‘His’ is NOT a series.

Type: Fluff, mutual pinning, best friends to lovers trope.

Words: 3800+

Summary: Steve couldn’t grab his hand once and lost Bucky for 70 years. Now that he had an opportunity, he wasn’t about to let go.

Warning: Ignore anybody’s death in ‘Avengers: Endgame’.

A/N: This is my first story ever! It is also a submission. I am really thankful of @the-omni-princess for giving me the chance to take part in her 1K writing challenge.

The world was greatly different than from what it was a decade ago. Progression through seven decades was a whole another story. One that the two hundred year old super soldiers were greatly overwhelmed with.

Bucky had accidentally clicked a few extra buttons when he was trying to navigate through Netflix on Tony’s why-the-hell-is-a-TV-curved-and-ridiculously-large-and expensive  television screen. Instead of various Disney movies that were displayed earlier, he saw a live feed of Gerald, Tony’s alpaca, grazing in the backyard.

He didn’t know until then that one could use the TV as a monitor to view feeds from different surveillance cameras. A few decades later they’d make it a fucking portal to go through, he thought. In all honesty, although confused, Bucky was throughly amused with all the new advancements he had witnessed so far.

He tried clicking a few more buttons to revert back to Netflix, but all that he saw was different parts of the house through the cameras. He kept it up until the feed from the kitchen pulled up, revealing Steve and Morgan making homemade cheeseburgers. Because ofcourse, this was Tony Stark’s house, with never-ending supply for making cheeseburgers, and they were dealing with Tony Stark’s child, a never-ending blackhole for cheeseburgers.

From after the “Blip”, who the fuck calls the most strangest event in the history that, old relationships were being mended while new ones were formed. Things between Tony and Steve were still rocky until everyone was brought back; until their final mission. They weren’t perfect by any means, but surely they were starting to get better with time, effort and understanding from both the sides.

In order to reduce the emotional distance between his former family members and his new ones, Tony wanted them to spend some quality time together. He wanted Morgan to have good people to look up to, good people to learn from, good people to guide her. Moreover, he wanted her have a good big family and to feel the love and adoration he always wanted as a child. And, as per Tony, what was better than babysitting for this?

Pepper and Tony would enjoy date nights once or twice a month, while one or few of the team members would babysit Morgan at their cabin. This time, Steve volunteered. Bucky, who wanted nothing more than to make up for the lost time with Steve, volunteered to tag along.

At the cabin, as Tony and Pepper prepared to leave for the night, Morgan was a little anxious. She knew Steve, but she hardly knew this metal armed stranger who accompanied him. She had seen various documentaries on all the avengers and she knew of Bucky as Caption America’s childhood best friend who fell off a train but was saved by some fellow human beings. Tony had shielded her from the dark parts in everyone’s stories for now. Although she didn’t know Bucky personally, she trusted him because Steve trusted him.

Bucky watched their dinner being prepared by Morgan and Steve…his Steve…

How he wished he could say that.

The domesticity of the look fluffed up his heart; it mesmerised him. Steve mesmerised him.

Back in the day, every young gentleman had more or less the same goals. A beautiful girl to wake up cuddled with, a decent enough job to support their family, unforgettable fun times with  their girls in their arms, a lively brownstone with their kids laughing and running in the backyard, and never-ending happiness in their lives. Like all others, Bucky wanted it all too. Except, he wanted it all with Steve.

At the moment, however,  he wanted to go back to Netflix. Cursing for not thinking of it earlier, he asked Friday to do so just at the moment Steve and Morgan joined him.

“What, I made dinner for three and you couldn’t even choose a movie to watch?” Steve said with humor in his eyes as he set the food tray on the center table and sat on the couch. 

“Just wanted the little princess here to have her choice. Again.” Bucky flashed a toothy grin to Morgan. She giggled at that.

“A princess, yes,” she said flashing her own toothy grin with one incisor missing, “but hey, not little! I am almost six years old. Mom and dad say I am a growing girl. A growing girl, not a little girl.” She tried to make a face as serious as an ‘almost six’ year old could with her hands at her hips. Both old men laughed at that.

“I apologise for the incorrect words used, my lady. How about I rephrase it? What would our brave and beautiful growing princess like to watch tonight?“  Bucky sat on the other end of the couch.

“Frozen, please!” She squealed with excitement as she sat between them. And so, ‘Frozen’ it was.

The movie progressed and the cheeseburgers had met their fate. All three of its occupants were slumped down on the couch, enjoying the movie and munching on fries. Bucky straightened his posture a bit and extended his arm to rest behind him, bent at the elbows, on the head rest of the couch as his body curved a bit towards Morgan. Having not seen the movie before, he was so engrossed in it that he failed to notice that another arm had already claimed the spot. The back of his fingers touched those of Steve’s, palm facing each other, a little proturded behind the couch. 

Normally, he would would have retreated his hand like all the other times he had. This time though, he wanted to know what would happen if he didn’t. The need to explore the boundaries rose within him. The want to  rebell, to ignore the illogical age old stigmas, and act on what he wants, what he thought was right. He didn’t know if he was defying society’s unnecessary made up rules. He had wanted a chance to be with the love of his life since forever. He planned on taking the chance. The realisation made him nervous.

All of a sudden he became too aware of his surroundings. The movie was forgotten. His heart beat loudly in his chest. He panicked, didn’t know what to do further. Would it be fruitful, he thought. He was very unsure of his newest decision to have what he had wanted all his life. He wanted to shift his arm, but at the same time, he did not.

Acts like these were considered scandalous in his time when men did it with other men. He was conditioned from his childhood days to not seek comfort in a man's touch. However, the twenty first century was different from the twentieth. The beliefs and practices in this age were different than those in his.

Peter, the rookie, along with Shuri, the genius, tried to keep him updated with the changes that had happened in the world while the time his freedom had not been his. He was slowly coming around to using gadgets on his own.

As time passed, HYDRA advanced it’s technologies. The Winter Soldier was not taught about using them though. He was the deadliest soldier in the history of mankind, and their greatest asset. The possibility of him going rogue anyhow was too risky for any of his handlers to entertain.

His teenage friends had introduced him to internet and many spects of it. The nerd in him was overjoyed. He learnt about vines and memes. Caught up with the new movies and all time classics he had missed. Got to know about PRIDE.

He loved how people were expressive in this new era. Although not totally eradicated, social biasey regarding gender, racial and religious discrimination plagued a much smaller population than in his time. People were more logical and radical with their thoughts in this regard atleast.  One could be with whoever they wanted, live a life however they wanted. People were supportive and respective of other’s preferences and choices. Bucky loved it all. But he didn’t know how to talk about it with the man he loved with all his heart.

Although he suspected it, he didn’t know for sure if Steve felt the same way about him. Sure there were lingering touches here and there and hugs that lasted a bit too long for best friends, but it was hard to decipher the intentions behind them. He knew he had to talk to Steve about it at some point or the other. Then why not take a step towards it then? That’s why he decided he would take charge then.

Slowly and meekly, Bucky took a deep breath lightly and nestled his little finger in the crook of Steve’s little finger. He remained as still as possible as he sensed Steve stiffen. He cursed at himself loudly in his head. Surely Steve didn’t want him like that. Bucky was just Steve’s childhood bestfriend, who had been with him through thick and thin, literally. He was a reminder to Steve of what his earlier life was, not the desire to look forward to a future with better improvements.

His thoughts paused when he felt a movement against his ring finger. He realised Steve had nestled his own third finger against his. His heart rate picked up again. He felt little spurts of confidence break inside of him which led him to join their middle fingers. His heart did a happy lil jump when when Steve moved forward his own index finger, soon their fingers were interlaced.

Warmth seeped through Bucky’s arm. He felt full in his heart, in a way he couldn’t describe. Just holding hands like this, the simplest of gestures of affection, was a big deal for these two men when doing it with each other. The only times they’ve held hands is to when one needed to drag the other or needed help being pulled up during mission. Bucky finally felt how it was like not holding hands for necessity but just because his heart desired it.

He felt a sliver of hope. His mind though, felt full and empty at the same time. Maybe his suspicions were correct, maybe not. He couldn’t think straight with the weight of the Steve’s hand encompassing, encircling, enveloping his. He preferred not to think too much and just enjoy it while he could.

Little did he know that Steve considered him as his childhood bestfriend, his buddy, the driving force to want to be better both before and after the war, and so, so much more. Steve couldn’t grab his hand once and lost him for 70 years. He wasn’t letting go now.

~

They were in the same position throughout the movie. Too afraid of any change changing the other’s mind.

As the movie ended, Morgan was hungry again. She wanted to have a chocolate milkshake before she could go to bed. Both men were hesistant about it, but couldn’t say no to her puppy dog eyes. Again.

As the men prepared it in the kitchen, she busied herself with finding a stuff toy she forgot where she last kept it. 

After the movie, both men weren’t happy with not having any physical touch anymore. Since they had had a taste of it, they longed for more. But both were too unsure of themselves to initiate.

Bucky once again saw Steve tinkering with the ingredients in the kitchen as his hip leaned against the counter. The domesticity of the look fluffed up his heart once again. He wanted to hold his hand once again, forever and never let go.

Steve lined the inside of Morgan’s cup with chocolate sause just the way he had seen Wanda do it once. A bit of it dripped on the back of his palm just below his thumb on the hand he was holding the cup with. So focused on the task at hand, he didn’t notice it.

He had an ithy feeling at the junction between his moustache and slight beard. Placing the cup at the counter he went to scratch the itch with the same hand smeared and the chocolate sause at the corner of his mouth rather messily. He noticed it now. Bucky did too.

While Steve looked around for paper napkins, Bucky leaned off the counter, turned fully toward Steve and wiped the mess with his metal thumb in two slow strokes as his metal palm lay against his cheek.

Steve stiffened again. Bucky cursed at himself again.

He shouldn’t have done that. Holding hands was one thing. Cupping cheeks was another. Not removing your hand when the requirement for the said action was fulfilled, was a whole another level.

Again Bucky wanted to remove his hand, because he feared he was stepping over Steve’s boundaries, but he didn’t want to at the same time, because his heart just wanted to do so.

His eyes moved from Steve’s lips to his eyes, oceanic blue just like him. Someone said the truth about being able to look into one’s soul through their eyes. Because right at that moment, he saw himself in Steve.

Both were simple men before the war. Both wanted someone to love, to be with them through their highs and their lows, to be with them and support them at all times, to trust and confide in them, to share the silliest and most important things with them, to remember them and be remembered by them. Both wanted this 'someone’ to be each other. Both longed for each other.

As they affectionately looked at one another, Bucky glided his thumb over Steve’s lips once, then twice. Despite it being his cold metal-arm, all Steve felt was sweet warmth.

Bucky’s eyes moved back to his lips. He leaned forward after gulping. Steve followed right after him.

Earlier, the societal norms were against them, then time. Right then, both were in their favour. However, they forgot an almost six year old factor.

Right before their lips could touch, just a centimetre apart,  Morgan came back in the kitchen yelling, “I found it. Finally!”

Shocked to the core at sudden intrusion, both men jumped apart is they had touched lava. A slight tinge of pink could be seen on both their faces. Suddenly feeling slightly embarrassed and not wanting to make eye contact, both looked at Morgan.

She held a cute red and gold teddy shaped Ironman. Steve let out a sigh and a small laugh simultaneously, dipping his head low. Bucky smiled.

Steve went back to making her milkshake and handed her the finished product. The hungry child drank it one go. They then took her upstairs, made her take a bath and brush her teeth.

When they tucked her under the cover and proceeded to leave, she quietly asked them to tell her a bedtime story.

“Sure princess,” Steve sat on one side of her bed, leaning against the head rest, legs half down and one hand behind her pillow.

Bucky just stood there, unsure what to do. Morgan looked at him expectantly. Steve nodded at him and he went to sit on the other side of her bed, copying Steve.

“What kind of a story do you want to listen?” Steve asked combing through her hair.

“A love story!” She looked excited.

Steve wasn’t great with stories for kids. He looked at Bucky, intially for help, but then he looked into his eyes and immediately smiling down at Morgan said, “Once upon a time, there were these two people, two friends, Stephanie and James. Best friends actually.”

He looked up at his best friend. It took Bucky a moment before he caught onto Steve’s play. He could only stare at his friend, with eyes a little wide and surprise on his face. He understood why there was a female character alongside James and not a male. He was anxious to hear what Steve had to say next.

Steve continued, “They had been so for as long as one could remember. Always playing together, running together, being together, no matter what. They cared for each other, always had each other’s backs.

“They protected each other, even from the meanest bullies. They took hits for each other if it meant the other stayed out of harm’s way.

“If someone needed to find one of them, they could as well search for the other since they always stayed by each other’s side.

“Where one went, the other followed. A friendship like theirs was so rare. Luckiest were the people who had even a fraction of what they had.”

Steve took Bucky’s hand behind Morgan’s pillow in his and interwove their fingers. He looked at him with a fuzzy feeling inside his chest as he said, “Their love for each other unparalleled by any other.” He squeezed his fingers.

Bucky’s heart swelled. He squeezed right back. Something burst inside of him. He didn’t know what, but it made him feel giddy like never before.

“Stephanie idealiesed James for his bravery, his confidence-”

“And James idealised Stephanie for her goodness, innate goodness.” Bucky intervened with a smile brighter than the stars.

Lost is the beauty of Bucky, both inside and out, Steve took a while  before he continued, “There was a group of bad people who wanted brave men like James for their own cruel intentions. They kidnapped him and Stephanie couldn’t stop them.

Like any other close friend, she missed him dearly. She was angry at herself. She hated the day James was taken from her. She hated her inability to save him. She regretted not trying harder.”

Steve was looking at his lap. Bucky tightly squeezed his hand and said, “She didn’t know that there was nothing that she could have done to save him. It wasn’t her fault by any means.

“There was Fate which played it’s tricks. Nobody is stronger than the turn of events undertaken by it. Nobody could be above Destiny, no matter how much they wished. Their pair was just an unlucky lot, unfortunate enough to be under Fate’s wrath.”

Steve stared at Bucky, not believing what he said. To an extent, he knew he couldn’t have saved Bucky from falling off the train all those years ago, but the guilt of not just trying harder ate him alive everyday. He replayed every decision he made that morning, every action he did. The 'what if’s never ended…

Nevertheless, Steve said with eyes on Morgan, “After a very, very long time, Stephanie found a way to rescue James from those bad people. She didn’t believe there was finally a chance she could be with her long lost companion again. She was determined to take that chance and make it happen anyhow.

“She did succeed in rescuing him. She had never been as happy as that day before. He returned to her a little broken and damaged, but she didn’t mind it since he was stronger in his own right more than ever. When she had said she would be with him forever, she meant during both his highs and lows.

“Even time was not able to break their preciy bond. Her affection for him had never faltered. Instead, it had increased tenfold.

“The sudden detachment, the longing, the way she felt after their reunion, it all made her realise…” He stopped speaking and looked at Bucky again, lower lip shivering.

He took a deep intake of breath and said, “She realised  she had loved him all along. She loved him in every sense of the word, in every possible direction, in any possible way. Together, they fought their way through the bad men, making sure they’d never take him away from her again.”

“Did he love her back?” Morgan asked him. Steve looked down at her before raising his questioning eyes at Bucky, who just beamed down at Morgan and said, “Of course, princess. That’s why it is a love story.”

Smiling then, she asked again, “Did they live their lives happily after?” Now it was Bucky’s turn to look at Steve, who replied, “It took a little while, yes, but their happily after was the most beautiful one out there.”

Content with the story, she thanked them. “It was beautiful.” She had said. Indeed it was.

Exchanging their good-nights, they made their way downstairs. As Morgan slept peacefully, they were left alone with their racing hearts.

The big question arose then. What would they do now? They didn’t need to hide or be evasive from anyone. They were away from prying eyes and judgmental minds.

Neither Bucky nor Steve knew how to proceed, still overwhelmed.

Daring to initiate, Steve softly called out to the other man in the house as they stood near the stairs on the ground floor. Bucky turned around towards him. They stared intently at each other without saying anything. Nervousness clogged their nervous systems.

Bucky knew now was the time to come clean. Everything was out in the open already. Their feelings were mutual. There was hardly anything to be afraid of.

Repeating 'You can do it, you can do it’ in his head several times, Bucky took a step closer towards Steve. “About upstairs,”

“I meant every word I said, Buck.” Steve quickly ushered before he could say anything else. “I-”

Bucky took a step forward, cupped his cheeks and crashed his lips with Steve. He didn’t need to hear anything else.

It was the same man for whom he had pledged to be strong and brave, to help and to protect at all times. To stick with forever. Steve had left his newfound family of superheroes for him, defied over a hundred nations for him. If it wasn’t for what Bucky hoped it was, he didn’t know the workings of the world anymore.

Steve responded in kind. He grasped the back of his neck and laid a hand on the small of his back, pulling him closer. His heart thumped in his chest. They kissed and kissed and kissed, releasing years of pent up emotions.

When they parted, Bucky rested his head at the crook of Steve’s neck, breathing his scent, basking in it. Even cloud mattresses could not make him as comfortable as he had felt in that moment.

Softly but confidentaly, without any doubts, since  They were way past liking each other, Steve whispered in his ear, “I love you, jerk.”

Goosebumps rose on his skin. “I love you too, punk.” Grinning madly, he kissed him again.

Steve pulled back a little to look at his love of his life. He was smiling too. Finally, finally Bucky was his, and Bucky could call him his. However, Bucky’s insecurities were still ever prerent.

“Hey, you… you’re… you’ll be with me, right?” He looked at the floor.

Pecking his lips strongly, Steve said, “Never apart.” He knew Bucky needed more assurance. Who knew him better than Steve?

“Yes Bucky, it’ll always be you. You’ll be in my heart. From this day on, now and forever more.”

With amusement in his eyes, Bucky said, “Don’t do anything stupid”

“How can’t I? We’re together till the end of the line, love.”

~~~

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[melyaliz]

Past loves and future babies pt. 2

Masterlist 

Fandom: Marvel / MCU 

Summary: Steve and Dixie meet and talk their future children and marriage and other awkward things you talk about when you meet your future baby mama/daddy

Pairing: Steve Rogers x OC 

Notes: This was originally going to be all when they trying to have sex but I thought it was cuter if it was more domestic. The next chapter SHOULD be them trying to have sex for the first time. But we will see how that goes. I can already tell these two are going to be awkward AF   

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“So this is it, Tony decided to move us to the two-bedroom apartment,” Steve said leading Dixie into the small apartment that was part of the compound. It had a very open floor plan with a wide bay window overlooking a lake that was behind the compound opposite the landing bay. 

Letting out a soft sigh Dixie looked around taking in the beautiful view. At least she could pretend she was on some sort of retreat.

A baby-making retreat. 

“I am loving all the light” she said smiling up at Steve. She had NO idea how to act around this man. When she had first got the information she needed to get impregnated by one of the hottest men who ever lived she was… causally optimistic but now that this was a very real possibility it was MUCH more awkward and stiff. 

Or that could have just been Steve Rogers. He was being just so formal, making sure to hold every door open for her. She felt like she was being led around by a butler. 

A very muscular hot butler, but a butler none the less. 

“This is our bedroom” 

Dixie peaked in looking around. A large king-size bed was in the middle of it with two dressers and what looked like a walk-in closet. Almost nothing else for decorations. Even the bed frame and dressers were a super plane. Much like the personality of the man showing it to her. 

“I didn’t want to decorate until you got here” Steve mumbled looking down at her trying to gauge her reaction as she walked in. For the first time showing SOME sort of reaction. It was like opening a window in a dusty room. For for the first time Dixie felt like she could breathe. 

Maybe he was just as nervous as she was. 

“You didn’t have to wait for me.” she said spinning around for a moment, “I’m pretty shit at decorating… Last place I was in I covered in pictures of cats dressed up in costumes just to annoy Mac” 

“Mac?” 

“My brother,” jumping onto the edge of the bed Dixie swung her legs back and forth for a moment. She hoped it made her look relaxed and perky and not a bundle of nerves. “Don’t worry I wasn’t seeing anyone before this.” 

“Oh,” 

“Were you?” 

Steve looked up, his deep blue eyes were a little sad. Reminding Dixie of a puppy had just been kicked. There was an unspoken store there. One Dixie wasn’t sure she wanted to poke. It looked like it was maybe filled with heartache. 

“No”

She laid her back on the fluffy white blanket looking up at the ceiling, “kind of hard to have a social life while saving the world from purple aliens?” 

“Something like that” the sound of his heavy boots walking across the room made her smile slightly. Her heart beating so fast in her chest she felt like it would rip right out of her chest. Her whole body thudding along with it as if the blood was rushing so fast through her vanes she made her whole body shake. 

Trying to shake off the anxiety that kept swelling up inside her, Dixie sat up studied him for a moment. Trying to make this beautiful man in front of her seem more… human. “Thanks for that by the way. You gave a million people back their whole lives.” 

He flashed her a weak smile. And in that moment Dixie realized something. Whatever it was that he was hurting from it was obviously not cured by bringing everyone back. That maybe he had lost something more from the battles. Something he couldn’t bring back. 

The thought made her heart hurt. 

“What about you? During the years…”

“It was just my brother and I. Before, during and after.” Dixie shrugged looking down at her chipped red nail polish. “It’s always just been Mac and me” For a moment she felt sick at the memory of packing up and saying goodbye to him. She had never felt that way before. Homesick. There had never been a home to miss, never had been a family she had to leave. 

Until now anyway. 

But she wasn’t about to dwell on it. He was only a phone call away. He wasn’t gone, just a bit further away. 

Jumping off the bed she walked toward the door ready to leave this sterile room and the weight it held. Steve beat her there opening it for her. Once again going back to his overly proper attitude. She paused in the doorway turning to him. Her dark brown eyes locking on his beautiful blue ones.

“You don’t have to do that you know.” 

“What?” 

“Be so formal, we’re going to have to see a lot of each other so you can… you know… let your hair down.” 

Turning she dashed toward the next bedroom quickly opening the door by herself before turning around to look at him. He looked back totally perplexed but when their eyes met he broke into a genuine smile. 

Finally. 

“So we have a big old baby-making bed and another bed in here… for what? Fights?” 

“I figured if you felt uncomfortable you had a place to sleep.”

“Yeah..” turning Dixie sighed biting her lip trying not to laugh, her heart still pounding nerves on edge, “I’m not going to lie, this is awkward AF.” 

“AF?” 

“Sorry As Fuck.” 

He chuckled nodding scratching the back of his head, “There is a lot we need to talk about like marriage and…”

“Woah! Woah, slow down” Dixie held up her hands her voice hitting an octave higher than intended. “I was thinking more knock me up we co-parent and then when it’s 18 we tell the kid they are basically the plot for every Anime ever and then go separate ways as good friends” 

Taking a slow step she took a deep breath trying to calm herself. Try to pull her composure. “Did you think this was going to be like a forever thing?” 

“Well we’re going to be making a life.” he said looking down at her, “That is a forever thing.” 

“Steve,” her voice trailed off for a moment, “we don’t owe each other anything really. Just need to need to make a baby and that’s it.” 

He studied her face, looking down at her with those deep blue eyes. Processing what she was trying to explain. His face was unreadable but so calm. There was something about it, about that moment. About that reality that suddenly made Dixie feel so cold. 

They really didn’t need to have any feelings for each other. 

He could go off after this and live his beautiful Steve Rogers life, find true love. Find that woman (or man) who could make him truly happy. Find true love. 

And she would go back to her life of being alone. 

The prospect of never finding love wasn’t any different than it had been the day before and the day before that but… for some reason. At that moment she felt like she might cry.  

But Dixie doesn’t cry. She doesn’t feel sorry for herself. She knew a long time ago that she was unlovable so it wasn’t new information. No reason to get choked up about it now. 

“You’ve... Had sex before right?” she asked, better get it out now. Know what she was getting in the bedroom. 

“Yes.” 

“Recently?”

“I don’t know…” he obviously didn’t want to admit to his future hook up about his past hookups.  

“Ohhh Cap getting down, man or woman?” 

“What!!? No, It’s been a while.” 

“Like a few months, a while or like since the 50’s a while?” There was that possibility, one she wasn’t about to disregard. No matter how hard it was to believe. 

“Does it matter?” 

Dixie shrugged, “Not really I guess as long as your clean. I got tested a few weeks back but then again the only guy I was sleeping with was married before the snap.” Slowly she walked back into the living room him following her. 

“Oh?” 

“Yeah,” she paused a mysterious smile spreading across her face, “in fact, you basically are the reason we had to break up. When she came back I became the other woman. And have you seen me? I’m no one’s dirty secret.” motioning to her curvy body she shook her hips to emphasize the point. 

Steve chuckled sitting down next to her on the couch she followed him. The tension slowly melting around them. Both feeling much more relaxed, “I’m sorry?” 

“You’re forgiven.” 

It wasn’t supposed to work out anyway. 

“Are you, really ok with this?” Steve asked, mood shifting looking her over, “This is really a lot to ask someone.” Dixie shrugged thinking back to her life before this. Stealing tech with her brother from big companies. Robbing the rich to feed the poor. Thieves for hire looking our for themselves and only those they deemed worthy.

“I mean it’s weird but…” she paused looking away for a moment before flashing him a smile, “It’s not like I was doing anything before.” 

He gave her a soft smile studying her, “I just want you to know. There isn’t anyone else…” 

“There could be you know” Dixie mumbled there it was again. That cold hand over her heart, clenching tightly making it hurt in a way she didn’t want to dwell on, “You are totally free to date, see other people. I mean maybe after this” she motioned to her stomach, “But when they are born and stuff you are free to chase after love.”

At the word love Steve winced. Memories of Peggy kissing that dark-haired man. Standing in their beautiful white picket fence home. A picture-perfect life. The one he had wanted. The one he had been running toward without even realizing it until he was standing there realizing it could never be. 

“Hey” her voice was soft pulling him away from his musings. Her hand gently brushing over his before pulling away, hesitant unsure of her boundaries yet. “I’m serious. I’m under no assumptions that we will be anything… well maybe friends?” at her last words she held up her hand flashing him a smile. He looked down at her hand and took it. 

It was large and warm over hers. “I would love to be your friend” 

It was a start. It was a promise. It was a rule. 

Pulling him forward Dixie wrapped her arms his neck giving him a large warm hug. As she felt his own arms wrap themselves around her Dixie chanted it in her head as a mantra.

“Friends” 

Building a wall around her heart. Using the word like barbed wire to keep all those little butterflies that were trying to squeeze their way through away. Ripping at their delicate wings until she was numb to it. Protected from any sign of hurt. 

Pulling away they both looked at each other. Studying the other’s reaction. Then slowly, hesitantly Steve placed those warm large hands on the back of her head slowly pulling her slightly toward him, “Can I kiss you?” 

“Yes,” she muttered her eyes fluttering slightly as he closed the gap between them. Pushing at those walls she was trying to build to thickly around herself. He didn’t mean it. He wasn’t trying to, it was her own girlish tendencies. Her flaws she needed to work on. 

She was trying too hard and it showed. Their kiss stiff, awkward, and uncomfortable. Steve pulled away looking just how she felt and she knew she had messed up. They still needed to have sex at some point and what were they supposed to do if they couldn’t even kiss. 

This was her fault and she needed to fix it. 

“That was awful” she giggled her nerves bubbling up and spilling. “Kiss me again” 

“Ok” his smile lopsided as he leaned forward again. 

This time she was ready, wrapping her arms around his neck deepening it. Enjoying him, focusing on how he tasted and felt. Focusing on the carnal feelings around the intimate gesture and not her own emotions. 

He tasted clean, warm. In a way, he remained her of milky tea. Comforting and soothing. Something she would cuddle up with on a cold day. Wrap herself in like her favorite blanket. 

His arms around her waist gripped her slightly tighter, hesitantly as she pressed a little further. Her tounge flicking over his lip wanting to taste more. Wanting to know just how Captain America tasted.  

And then his phone dinged. It was like an arrow through them both. Pulling them back to reality. Swallowing thickly he turned slightly as she pulled away. 

“Anything important?” 

“No” he mumbled, “Just Bucky wanting to see if we wanted to join the rest of them for dinner. I guess Tony was going to order Chinese.” 

“UHG” Dixie’s eyes rolled back in her head as if she was having an orgasm, “Food sounds so amazing.” 

Steve chuckled, he was starting to really like this woman. She was so open and silly. Confident in who she was and what was going on. Her attitude was infectious and put him at ease. “I’ll let them know to add two more.” 

Maybe this wouldn’t be as bad he had thought. 

-GET TAGGED!- 

Masterlist 

Forever tag:  @the-shadow-of-atlantis​​ @coffee-randomness​​ @0hmydeku @xx3fsxx @daisyboobear​​  @jason-redhood​ @hello-i-lovespiderman-blr  @pinkwitch21 @tomhncharliep  @cdwmtjb8

@itsmeeluciie

[rotationalsymmetry]

Some more suggested rules/guidelines for avoiding causing needless suffering (especially to other people) while talking about social justice stuff online:

Rule #1: do not engage with trolls. It’s not worth it. Disengage, let them “win”, block if necessary.

It’s not always possible to tell if someone’s a troll. That’s ok. Disengaging is never a bad idea if you’re not sure. If you suspect the possible troll may have a point (and someone can both be a troll and have a point), set aside some time to look it up later, or ask someone that you know isn’t a troll who knows something about the subject.

If an issue is new to you and you don’t know what questions might cause offense, lurk for a bit. Do an internet search for “(issue) FAQ” or “(issue) 101.” It is also OK to ask questions of someone who’s explicitly invited questions. (If they say they aren’t going to answer specific questions, don’t ask those.)

I have found that specifically seeking out information about an issue I don’t know much about, tends to result in a much gentler/friendlier approach than just wandering around and having random encounters. Just because some people are in your face about the issue when you randomly stumble across it, does not mean everyone will be like that.

In particular: when a marginalized person brings up a topic and other people (tbh including people in that group) insert their opinions, especially disagreeing opinions, this tends to get a really hostile response even when the people making disagreeing opinions are being very polite in their word choices.This is because the behavior itself is seen by many people as rude and intrusive.

Actually, many people see it as so self evidently rude that they won’t bother with saying it’s rude, they’ll just say whatever they think will shut it down fastest. Including “shut up” and calling the people saying disagreeing opinions -ist or -phobic.

A lot of the ugliest online fights involve two sides that each think the other side is being hopelessly rude. (Which is not to say they’re equally likely to be right. But it does mean: if you think people are being really rude, it’s possible that they are, but also possible you’ve done something incredibly rude by their standards. In either case, disengaging is a good idea.)

Somewhat tangential: people tend to really dislike it when someone asks for advice, gets advice they didn’t want to hear, and argues with it.

When unsure, take a moment to calm down and pay attention to how the discussion started and/or who’s “space” it is. What’s rude on your own post and what’s rude on a reblog are different.

Don’t pretend to have an identity you don’t have. (This should go without saying, but for the sake of being thorough.)

Trying to show that someone else doesn’t have the identity they claim to have is risky and can go horribly wrong. (I’m not super knowledgeable about blackfishing specifically, so I’m not going to weigh in on it.) In general I think it’s best to not make assumptions about people’s identities. People from any group can have perspectives that disagree with other people’s perspectives.

Arguing with people who are wrong or who you think are wrong, is not necessarily as constructive or worthwhile as it feels in the moment. Pointing out someone else’s bad manners is usually itself bad manners.

“I” statements (statements about you personally and your experience) are sometimes a lot “safer” than generalizations. This is a bit contextual though: “this is a common experience for x people”/“I’ve never experienced that” might not be constructive. Additionally, sometimes people don’t want to talk about their own experience because that can be very vulnerable, so it’s not a good idea to impose that standard on other people.

Unfollowing and blocking: unfollowing or blocking a stranger is no big deal, do it as often as you like for any reason you like. Explaining why you’re unfollowing someone who’s shown no interest in you is unnecessary. If you’ve had a lot of interaction with someone (not just one-sided on your part) and they do one thing you don’t like, it might be worth trying to talk it out. (Maybe it was a mistake.) Telling other people to not follow a specific person is kinda extreme (controlling) and should not be done lightly, and it’s worth asking yourself what you’re trying to accomplish. Personally I have yet to see a “don’t follow this person” callout that I thought was justified. (Granted: very small sample size.)

DNI/BYF (do not interact/before you follow): Some of these make a lot more sense to me than others. Regardless, people get to set whatever boundaries they want, and I can’t think of any situation that would justify interacting with someone who has requested you not interact with a specific post or their entire blog. It’s worth checking someone’s description before following them or liking/reblogging from them, as a matter of respect and consideration.

Don’t send death threats, or suicide bait, or doxx people. Or anything else blatantly mean and unnecessary.

Anyways, this is just some thoughts off the top of my head. I would unironically love it if someone wants to point me towards anyone else’s list.

I really do think that a lot of conflict in social justice land (and between social justice types and the wider world) comes from people operating off of different and conflicting social rules (often without ever explicitly saying what the rules are), so the more we get these rules into the open the better.

In particular, I feel really in the dark about how tags are supposed to work (not technically, in terms of how people should tag) and would love asks/messages/reblogs/whatever from other people on how you tag.

I also think there’s more stuff to say about parasocial relationships and stalker-y or “creepy” behavior, and where the lines are on sending asks and so on, but I’m way out of my depth on that.

[ethandigby]

『 LANDON LIBOIRON ❙ GENDERQUEER 』 ⟿ looks like ETHAN DIGBY is here for THEIR SECOND year as a VISUAL ART GRAD student. HE is 27 years old & known to be DEDICATED, HONEST, STUBBORN & PESSIMISTIC. They’re living in NOLAND, so if you’re there, watch out for them. ⬳ drew. twenty-two. est. he/him. ethan’s pinterest

trivia:

he really likes white cholate & hot chocolate, often eating handfuls of white chocolate baking discs regardless of the time of day. 

visual art major --- tends to stray towards sculptures and installation pieces, though he does have a love for bob ross style landscape pieces. draws a lot of inspiration from older art, and many of his pieces are designed to look worn-out and as though they are missing pieces. 

perpetually exhausted --- for all his love of schedules, he has never managed to consistently get enough sleep and though he loves tea, that never seems to have enough of an impact to truly wake him up ---- a.k.a he is a yawn prone little fuck

doesn’t quite believe the local legends, though he doesn’t dismiss them outright either. the statue by wishing tree has, however, made it into several of his works ---- statues seem to have her facial features without him ever meaning to and he will swear to anyone that asks that in sophomore year of his bachelor’s degree he woke up one morning to her face staring at him from amongst the trees on a painting he had been working on. he will hesitantly add that it’s possible that he had just been thinking of her while half asleep, though ethan doesn’t really believe that

currently working as a TA for some of the freshman art classes, as well as overseeing the use of the different art studios from time to time. 

doesn’t believe in labels --- and that’s corny as hell, but he just wants to be able to be whoever he is in the moment and has had some harsher reactions when he uses umbrella terms, so he just refuses to label himself. relationship-wise it’s a whole different issue, he floats from one major relationship to another and often times will cycle back to one that’s already gone sour. 

has recently started going to a therapist to talk about some of the issues he has processing emotions and his fear of change ---- it’s been helping but he’s still very much on the verge of flight mode and will run away from situations that demand any real sort of emotional input from him on occasion. 

personality:

he is cynical, despite a desire to believe the best in people and the world - he has seen too much of the darker side of the world to ever truly believe it ---- this is reflected not only in his interactions with people ( he is open about expressing doubt and disbelief, he won’t believe a word you say, and he overanalyzes promises / invitations / declarations of love ) but also in his art and aesthetic which veers towards the dark and damned, a lot of his work is themed around broken things

stubborn as a mule ---- once he gets an idea in his mind, it can be hard to change his mind with logical arguments though an emotional appeal will have a better chance ---- he’s very set in his ways and struggles with questioning why things are the way they are, insisting that somethings should just be. loathes change and isn’t afraid to express this dislike --- tends to eat the same foods, wear the same clothes, go to the same places ---- despite a childhood dislike of routine, he finds it comforting nowadays, it feels safe.

loyal as all hell, you can hurt him a million times and he will still struggle to walk away and a genuine apology will win him back in an instant. he struggles to cut ties, even with those that he knows aren’t the best for him and has only successfully done so when it is possible for him to do so in a swift and permanent way. in most cases, he will eventually find his way back to those that he knows. 

friendly but not overly so --- he has no issue approaching people if he needs something, but he’s not generally one to approach you just to “chat” b/c he’s not big on small talk in general and honestly? he’d never say it but if he doesn’t know you, he doesn’t really give a damn how your day went or how you feel about the weather or current events. if he drinks, he becomes a little more sociable in that matter, but that often drifts into “ethan is going to info-dump about whatever has his interest in the moment and the only way to stop him is to like physically place something in / on his mouth” territory which is a whole different level of awkward. 

backstory:

growing up in a household where routine took priority, ethan spent a long time feel stifled by his parent’s demands that everything turned out perfectly ---- the neverending need to do things at just the right time, in just the right way. it was like fitting into a sweater that was just a tad too small, wrong in a way that is hard to explain

it’s in high school that he meets a true kindred spirit in the form of his art teacher ---- he helps ethan to realize his need for freedom and self-expression, and embraces his abilities in a way that he had always been afraid to. it’s a change that his parents are disapproving of, trying to reroute their son’s future to one of the paths that they would have approved of. but for once, he allows himself to rebel.

and after graduation, he leaves. running to new york, where he throws himself into the art scene head first without any real plans. for two years, he works multiple jobs as he cycles through sketchy roommates in his shitty apartment and equally shitty life partners, trying to discover things about himself that he hadn’t known before.

he’s still figuring some of that out, unsure of how to label his gender or his sexuality --- wishing more than anything that he could just be, a desire that he has long held onto since childhood that’s coming back to haunt them at last. 

that’s not the only thing that’s caught up with them as of late, the digby’s finally managing to track him down in new york and showing up at his apartment two years after he initially ran off. they came with open minds and a burning desire to see their son do something other than work minimum wage jobs and live in run-down apartments. they were quiet and subdued in a way that they never had been.

it took six months for them to convince him to enroll in college, and he eventually chose to attend radcliffe with an undeclared major. it was far enough from his hometown that his parents couldn’t reasonably drive up too often, but close enough that he could go home if he had wanted. a three-hour drive in the best traffic.

the distance proved to be the right amount --- though his parents certainly seemed to pop up over the first three months with containers of food and worries that their child would have run off, they eventually learned to trust him. and slowly, the wounds healed ---- ethan wouldn’t say that they’re close but they’ve learned to respect each other’s boundaries.

and he’s never seen them more proud than at graduation, except maybe when he told them that he was going to apply to grad school. it wasn’t the path that they had planned for ethan, but they had learned to be enthusiastic about his success, about his dreams and about his art.

doing his master’s degree - it’s been weird. being here is weird for him in general, he still misses new york even though it was a whole different kind of existence ---- he misses the stability of going to work everyday and being completely independent. here, he has to rely on his professors and classmates, he has people that expect him to check in with them and there’s more socialization --- mostly because he’s been trying to do better with that. 

connections:

good / bad influence: okay so traditionally, i think these would be separate connections but i think in this case, it’s more convoluted than that. for all of ethan running away from the environment his parents made, he’s very much stuck to those rules and expectations --- i would love for someone to start to break him out of that --- encourage him to party and drink and live life, and it doesn’t all have to be bad, it can be good too. you know, them bringing him to parties and him learning actually valuable lessons from it --- idk open to talking about their potential influence on each other, i think it could be fun

frenemies ( onesided or not ): i think a lot of ethan’s trust issues are a projection mechanism because he knows that in some ways that he can’t be trusted --- so i wld love for someone who they act like best friends when they’re together and then ethan just ... talks smack about them and doesn’t keep their secrets ( and maybe they do the same?? ) 

exes ( of all types / genders / whatever ): this one, my dear ethan, has gotten around a bit --- maybe they hooked up and now it’s awkward ---- maybe they dated for a while and keep circling back to each other despite knowing that they’re bad for each other ( a la unmiss you by clara mae ) ---- maybe they dated for a while and now they never talk so when they do see each other it’s just ... awkward as hell ---- open to literally anything with this one guys

art buddies: just two pals, palling around --- only prerequisite is that your character has some sort of interest in an art ( writing, theatre, music, film, etc etc ) --- and hey maybe they don’t get along but they put up a united front against the STEM majors who mock their choices in major? 

other: open to discussing dormates, coworkers, current love interests and literally anything else that you can think of --- does your character need someone over 21 to buy them alcohol? call ethan. for real tho, hit me up and let’s come up with some stuff!