#I love seeing him step out of his comfort zone and show affection openly

[tightjeansjavi]

I have work tomorrow (unfortunately) but I wanted to talk about blue jeans for a hot second and especially Joel because god, I just love this man so much.

This cute little story brings me so much happiness. I love writing this version of Joel. The devoted dad, albeit a little goofy and shy at times. He is so sweet. He is so thoughtful, caring, and I just know this man pays attention to all the little details. He’s a little rough around the edges, much like his post outbreak self but for different reasons. We don’t know much about Joel’s early life or Sarah’s mom, and him having Sarah at a young age and how that affected him.

Joel has his moments of vulnerability that I think are SO important to highlight because I often feel like in todays society, men are still frowned upon for having feelings. For expressing emotion, and letting their vulnerabilities show. Joel has a safe space to express his feelings and I just love seeing him become more and more open with the reader.

I also love being able to incorporate Tommy into this story more because what we see of the two Miller brothers before the outbreak is just a glimpse into their relationship. I imagine these two have gotten into heeps of trouble together. Tommy is certainly a massive flirt, and far more of an extrovert than Joel is, but there’s so much love between them. Tommy loves Joel so much and just wants to see him happy. I still think back to their conversation in chapter 8 and it was one of my favorite parts just to write their dynamic together.

Joel is starting to get more and more comfortable with showing affection. Chapter 9 is a super big turning point for him because he lets his guard down more. Despite the fact that he’s feeling bashful over Tommy and Sarah teasing him over the reader spending the night, he’s feeling so happy inside and he’s not afraid to show it.

I just love the fact that both pre! Outbreak Joel and post! Outbreak Joel have so much love to give. They each do it in their own way. One thing is for certain, they care so deeply for the ones that are closest to them. ♡

[princess-sof-time]

hi, may I request headcanons for a tsundere gn reader who desires to be seen as an image of being successful (so that they can impress their partner but they’ll never tell them that) and secretly gets flustered to being called cute with Ruby, Akane, Kana, Tohru and Asuka? Thanks very much and have a nice day!

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ──────

🅁🅄🄱🅈 🄷🄾🅂🄷🄸🄽🄾

• Ruby deeply admires the reader's dedication to maintaining an image of success. They recognize the amount of effort the reader puts into their work and personal goals, which inspires Ruby to push themselves further as well. Ruby often finds themselves in awe of the reader's determination, seeing it as one of their most endearing qualities.

• As Ruby spends more time with the reader, they become perceptive enough to see through their tsundere facade. While the reader may try to act tough and independent, Ruby can see glimpses of vulnerability and insecurity. They understand that the reader desires recognition for their accomplishments but might feel hesitant to admit it openly.

• Whenever Ruby call him the reader cute, shey do it with a gentle smile and a fondness in their voice. She know that the reader appreciates being recognized for their hard work, even if they might not express it directly. Ruby's compliments are their way of showing support and affection, and they carefully watch for the reader's reaction.

• When Ruby notices a slight blush on the reader's face after calling them cute, shey find it absolutely adorable. She know the reader values their tough exterior and don't want to push them too much. Instead, Ruby takes the opportunity to give them a reassuring squeeze or a soft kiss on the cheek, letting them know that it's okay to let their guard down with them.

• As Ruby and the reader continue to grow closer, they create a safe space where vulnerability is welcomed. The reader gradually opens up about their desire for success and how it relates to their partner. Ruby listens attentively, understanding their intentions and appreciating the efforts they make for their relationship as well.

• Ruby becomes the reader's biggest cheerleader, always by their side, supporting and encouraging them in their pursuit of success. They understand that the reader's drive comes from a place of wanting to impress them, and while they appreciate their efforts, they want the reader to know that their love and admiration go beyond external achievements.

• During intimate moments, Ruby expresses their love and admiration for the reader, reassuring them that they are already successful in their eyes. They remind the reader that their worth is not solely based on their accomplishments but on the person they are and the love they share. Ruby's words help the reader let go of their need to constantly prove themselves, allowing them to embrace their vulnerability and find comfort in their relationship.

• In their relationship, Ruby sees the reader's journey toward success as something to be cherished and supported. They value the reader's determination and appreciate their desire to impress them, but they also want the reader to know that they love them for who they are, independent of any external achievements.

🄰🄺🄰🄽🄴 🄺🅄🅁🄾🄺🄰🅆🄰

• Akane is initially intrigued by the reader's desire for success, as it resonates with her own goals and ambitions. She sees the reader's determination as a quality she can relate to and admires. It sparks a sense of camaraderie between them, fostering a deeper connection.

• As their relationship progresses, Akane often engages the reader in friendly competition, encouraging them to reach even greater heights. She believes in their potential and wants to see them succeed. Akane pushes them to step out of their comfort zone, challenging them to surpass their own limits and achieve their goals.

• Akane's observant nature allows her to notice the reader's genuine happiness when they receive praise for their accomplishments. She sees the spark in their eyes and the glow on their face, knowing that their hard work has paid off. Seeing their joy brings a sense of fulfillment to Akane, reinforcing her belief in their abilities.

• When Akane playfully calls the reader cute, she does it with a mischievous smile. She knows how to push their buttons in a playful manner, enjoying their flustered reaction. Akane finds their embarrassment endearing, as it reveals a vulnerable side they often try to hide. She teases them, but deep down, she secretly cherishes those moments and finds them utterly charming.

• Despite the teasing, Akane genuinely appreciates the reader's efforts and successes. She celebrates their achievements, whether big or small, and acknowledges the hard work they put into their endeavors. Akane understands the importance of validation and praise, and she ensures the reader knows that their accomplishments matter to her.

• In private moments, Akane expresses her admiration for the reader. She lets them know how proud she is of their progress and the dedication they display in their pursuit of success. Akane's words of encouragement and support are like a soothing balm to the reader's soul, reassuring them that they are on the right path and that she believes in them wholeheartedly.

• As their relationship deepens, Akane becomes not just a rival but also a pillar of strength and motivation for the reader. She understands the intricacies of their drive for success and encourages them to find a balance between ambition and self-care. Akane reminds the reader that it's essential to celebrate milestones and enjoy the journey rather than solely focusing on the destination.

• Together, Akane and the reader embark on a journey of personal growth and success. They inspire each other, pushing boundaries and striving for greatness. With Akane's unwavering support and the reader's determination, they form a powerful duo, conquering challenges and achieving their dreams.

🄺🄰🄽🄰 🄰🅁🄸🄼🄰

• Kana deeply appreciates the reader's drive for success, recognizing the determination and ambition that fuels their desire to impress their partner. She understands their longing for validation and acknowledges that it's a natural human need to want to be seen as successful in the eyes of someone they care about.

• In their relationship, Kana takes on the role of a supportive cheerleader for the reader. She offers constant encouragement, knowing that a little bit of motivation can go a long way. Kana believes in the reader's abilities and sees their potential for greatness, always ready to lend a helping hand whenever they need it. Whether it's providing advice, listening to their ideas, or simply being a sounding board, Kana is there to support the reader every step of the way.

• Kana's perceptive nature allows her to see through the reader's attempts to hide their true feelings. She can sense their insecurities, even if they try to mask them behind a tough exterior. Kana finds their blushes adorable, recognizing that their reactions stem from a mix of embarrassment and genuine appreciation. She takes delight in witnessing their bashful response, finding it endearing and charming.

• When Kana playfully calls the reader cute, she does it with a soft smile and a twinkle in her eyes. She enjoys the sight of the reader's bashful reaction, as it reminds her of their vulnerability and their desire to be seen as more than just someone striving for success. Kana understands the importance of maintaining a balance between achieving goals and embracing one's softer side.

• In their intimate moments, Kana expresses her love and admiration for the reader, assuring them that they are already loved and valued regardless of their accomplishments. She reminds them that their worth extends far beyond their quest for success and that they deserve to be cherished for who they are at their core. Kana's words of affirmation serve as a gentle reminder that their partner's love and acceptance are not contingent on their achievements.

• Within their relationship, Kana fosters an environment where the reader can embrace their vulnerability without fear of judgment. She creates a safe space for them to share their dreams, fears, and aspirations openly. Kana encourages the reader to find solace in their partner's support, knowing that success is not solely defined by external recognition but by the journey they embark on together.

• Together, Kana and the reader navigate the complexities of pursuing success while remaining true to themselves. They find solace in each other's understanding and appreciate the beauty of growth and self-discovery. With Kana's unwavering support and the reader's determination, they become a formidable team, sharing in both the triumphs and the joys of their shared journey.

🅃🄾🄷🅁🅄 🄷🄾🄽🄳🄰

• Tohru deeply admires the reader's ambition and understands their longing to be seen as successful. As their romantic partner, she recognizes the drive and determination that the reader possesses, and she finds it incredibly attractive. Tohru believes wholeheartedly in the reader's abilities and dreams, always providing unwavering support in their pursuit of success.

• In their relationship, Tohru is not only the reader's biggest cheerleader but also their pillar of strength. She offers a comforting presence and a listening ear whenever the reader needs someone to confide in or seek advice from. Tohru's unwavering support serves as a source of motivation for the reader, encouraging them to push through challenges and strive for greatness.

• Tohru's perceptive nature allows her to notice the reader's moments of embarrassment whenever she playfully calls them cute. She finds their genuine reactions charming and endearing, understanding that their blushing is a reflection of their humility and desire to maintain a tough exterior. Tohru handles these situations with care and tenderness, making sure not to overwhelm the reader but rather uplift them and boost their self-confidence.

• Tohru often finds subtle ways to remind the reader of their inherent cuteness without overpowering them. She may leave little affectionate notes for them to find, expressing her admiration for their accomplishments and highlighting their endearing qualities. These gestures serve as gentle reminders that the reader's success and their lovable nature go hand in hand, and they don't have to hide their cuteness in order to be taken seriously.

• As the reader and Tohru continue to deepen their romantic bond, they create a nurturing and supportive environment for one another. Tohru's unwavering belief in the reader's potential helps them overcome self-doubt and embrace their true selves. She celebrates their victories, both big and small, and encourages them to find a balance between their pursuit of success and the joy of simply being themselves.

• During intimate moments, Tohru expresses her love and adoration for the reader, reassuring them that they are already successful and cherished in her eyes. She reminds the reader that their worth extends far beyond external achievements, emphasizing the beauty she sees in their character and the love they share. Tohru's words of affirmation and affection allow the reader to let go of their need for validation and bask in the warmth of their relationship.

• In their relationship, Tohru and the reader share a love that embraces both their individual ambitions and their inherent cuteness. They inspire each other to reach new heights, finding comfort and strength in their shared journey. Together, they navigate the complexities of success, supporting one another with unwavering love and the belief that their relationship is a catalyst for both personal growth and enduring happiness.

🄰🅂🅄🄺🄰 🄻🄰🄽🄶🄻🄴🅈

• At the start of their relationship, Asuka maintains a degree of skepticism regarding the reader's desire for success. She suspects that their drive may stem from a need for external validation, which raises her concerns about the authenticity of their goals. However, as Asuka spends more time with the reader and witnesses their unwavering dedication and genuine passion, her initial skepticism begins to fade.

• Asuka gradually develops a deep respect for the reader's unwavering commitment to their aspirations. She recognizes the immense effort and hard work they put into their pursuits, admiring their determination and the sacrifices they make along the way. With time, Asuka becomes a firm believer in the reader's capabilities and potential for success.

• Asuka's admiration for the reader's dedication translates into her role as their partner. She becomes a driving force, consistently pushing them to overcome their limitations and break through barriers. Asuka challenges the reader to go beyond what they believe they are capable of, encouraging them to step out of their comfort zone and embrace growth.

• One of the ways Asuka playfully shows her affection for the reader is by calling them cute. She takes delight in seeing their flustered reaction, finding it both amusing and endearing. Asuka's teasing nature comes from a place of fondness and affection, and she enjoys witnessing the reader's authentic responses. Deep down, she is genuinely proud of their accomplishments and the progress they make in their pursuit of success.

• In their intimate moments, Asuka expresses her pride in the reader's achievements. She makes sure to let them know that their accomplishments, no matter how big or small, are noteworthy and deserving of celebration. Asuka's words of encouragement and praise serve as a reminder to the reader of their capabilities and the impact they have on others.

• Asuka's unwavering support and pride in the reader's journey are evident throughout their relationship. She remains by their side, providing a source of strength and motivation. Asuka celebrates their victories and helps them navigate the inevitable setbacks they may encounter along the way.

• In their partnership, Asuka and the reader build a strong foundation of trust and understanding. She recognizes that their desire for success goes beyond external validation, and she appreciates the depth of their passion and commitment. Together, they inspire and challenge one another, embarking on a journey of growth, achievement, and enduring love.

─── ･ ｡ﾟ☆: .☽ . :☆ﾟ. ──────

[marthefrozenfan]

Since 2020, when this beautiful series called The Owl House started, at first it didn't attract my attention, I saw promotions for the series on Disney Channel, but I wasn't interested, until some time later I got grom dance spoilers, and the news on Google that Luz is openly bisexual, well... from there I became curious, but not so much to watch the series, until 2021 arrived, before the second season premiered... I was very bored at home, So I turned on the television to see what was on and suddenly The Owl House came on, I don't remember very well what episode it was, but since I had nothing better to do I started to watch the episode, and when I finished it I said: oh wow, what Such an incredible series, what a pity I didn't give it a chance at first.

From that moment on, I became a fan of TOH, I joined groups that like the series, I saw different opinions about each chapter that happened, I loved the fanarts they shared, the odd theory smoked, seeing Toh's edits, it was great ,and I am grateful to have known this beautiful series, full of magic, mystery, love, action and other genres, with very nice characters who taught me great things

Luz taught me not to be perfect, because humans make mistakes and we know how to repair them, to get out of my comfort zone, and to achieve my goals no matter what, never give up on what I set out to do, to be happy as I am, not to judging people for what they are and that we weirdos should be united❤️✨🥺, and the truth is, I've been through something similar as Luz, that's why it has taught me a lot.

Eda, she taught me that I don't have to be anyone's chosen one, if I have a dream, I am the only one who can fulfill it, to accept my inner beast, because at the end of the day we have to accept ourselves with everything and flaws❤️✨🥰

King, taught me that dreams are not always going to satisfy us or it is not really what we wanted, King has always wanted to be the authority and when he already had that power... he felt empty, but remember that he has people who love him for being who he is and that is his true dream ❤️✨

Willow taught me not to let envious or annoying people prevent you from being yourself, prevent you from achieving things and make you believe that you are useless when we are not, we are capable of doing the things we want and achieving them step by step, nothing or nobody stops us ❤️✨

Gus taught me not to try to fit in with a certain group of people, not to be carried away by what others expect of one, to show that we can be better and not give up on what we set out to do ✨❤️

Amity, taught me that people can change, she was the best in her class, she felt superior...just like her mother wanted, but it all ended when a person opposite her arrived, who makes mistakes and doesn't there is perfection ❤️✨

Hunter taught me not to let ourselves be controlled, to do what people expect me to be, to go our own way, to make our own decisions to have a different life, to know that some people really value what you do and not to feel you useless ✨❤️

Each character gave me some teachings, but you know what? Even the bad guys give you lessons so you don't commit their steps

Belos, full of envy, hate, seeing that his older brother fell in love with a witch and that's why he...💀💀, since then he has sought power, to be the leader of all witches and deceive an entire city pretending to be the good guy, well, at least he taught me not to hate certain people as such

Odalia, uff almost following the same footsteps as Belos, but more than anything she wanted to be superior to others and to put aside those "useless" and "inferior" people, she made a family for them to follow in her same footsteps, and in the end of accounts, his actions affected him being the slave of someone else, no matter how much money I have, I will never feel superior to others.

Boscha, bothering willow, because she's a loser, she's almost a witch, and unlike Amity... she didn't have any past that made her a bad person, she's just bad, she's going to hurt you no matter what No matter who you are, I learned that you don't have to be a bad person without teaching me that

On the romantic side:

Luz and Amity taught me to trust your partner, to support them in those moments of defeat, to love a person as they are, to protect them, to help them in whatever they need, without a doubt, they are a beautiful couple and one of the healthiest I've seen in the animation, I loved every moment they spent together ❤️✨

Raine and Eda, I learned about not lying, if I really have a concern, that I have the confidence to tell it without fear, about mutual support, to solve things and support each other ✨✨❤️

And this series was not possible without the great Dana Terrace, who has created with her team this wonderful series full of magic and fun, full of traumas and teachings, but sadly every beginning of an adventure has its end, and so is the life, somehow we too are going to end, being born on earth to discover it, to create our own life, to make mistakes and repair them, to be happy as we are, to help people, to fulfill our goals and dreams and never give up and this series has taught us all of that

Thank you very much to this series for being a part of my life and thank you Dana for creating it, it will always be in my heart and I will always remember it ❤️🥺✨🥰

And if in the future there is a TOH book, movie, comic or whatever, I'll gladly see it ❤️✨

The Owl House 01/10/2020- 04/08/2023

[twistedwonderlandimaginesblog]

Hello <3 May I ask hcs for Idia, Azul, Kalim, Ruggie and Floyd dating with gn!reader who is bad at romantic things? They rarely speak words of love and show physical affection, but they just think that it's not necessary and believe that boys already know that they love them. And because of that from the outside they look more like best friends, not like a couple in love. Thank you <3

Azul Ashengrotto: 

Azul pretended not to notice, the first relationship he’d seen between his mother and father hadn’t been one of love but convenience. But the one she had now... Well, she seemed far happier and he had thought he would have these happy feelings dating someone he loved. He wondered if he’d be considered spineless for wanting a relationship filled with love as it contrasted his businessman persona but he choices to negotiate with you, asking you to step out of your comfort zone for his peace of mind while he’d gladly do something that you wanted him to do. 

Floyd Leech:

Floyd is pretty hot and cold, wanting affection at certain times and wanting to be left alone completely at others. He wouldn’t take well to people saying the two of you just look like friends but he doesn’t take his anger at this out on you, instead asking why those people are looking at you so closely that they’d realize that. As long as you occasionally give in to his demands then he doesn’t really see the issue with it as he does know that you love him. 

Idia Shroud: 

Idia wants the affection, the words of affirmation are especially useful when they’re coming from you, but he simply doesn’t know how to ask. It’s an awkward situation to be in a relationship with someone who doesn’t do openly affectionate things until prompted while the other partner, who wants said affection, is socially awkward and anxious about making you uncomfortable. With some careful instruction from Ortho, Idia learned how to speak up and ask for what he wanted, knowing that he wasn’t overstepping a boundary if you were to agree to a hug or to hold his hand. 

Kalim Al-Asim: 

Kalim doesn’t even notice that you’re bad at romance. He’s generally the one who asks you out on a date or who starts the cutesy talk, which can make the relationship appear rather one-sided. But he thinks being friends is the first step to being in love so he doesn’t mind that outsiders might see the two of you as just being best friends. He knows that you’re not, and as long as you did feel romantic love (and that part wasn’t one-sided) he didn’t really care how you acted as he dated you to date you, not some idealized version of you that he had dreamed up. 

Ruggie Bucchi: 

Your lack of affection might introduce some doubts into Ruggie’s head, only made worse as he’s the type of person to think that people only ask for things when wanting something in return. He wondered what you might even use him for as it’s not as though he has a lofty position, title, or endless wealth, you could easily set your sights on someone else if you wanted that. His doubts can leak into the relationship and cause a shaky foundation if not sorted out, but it’s not like he really minded you not being overly affectionate as long as he knew you actually loved him. 

[jjuzoir]

Azami, Taichi, Masumi and Juza with a clingy and affectionate S/O

request: “hi! can i request hcs of azami, taichi, masumi, and juza with a s/o that is clingy and affectionate?” from anon

a/n: hi anon^^ this request was so cute, i really enjoyed working on it;; thank you sm for requesting! since it’s so long and over 1k Taichi, Masumi nd Juza are below the “read more”!!

Word Count: 2125

— Azami

- With him... he’s okay with you being emotionally affectionate; he actually finds it kind of cute. Seeing the person he likes fuss over him and get excited, it’s one of the few times you’ll see his guard almost completely down.

- While he might deny it if outright stated, Azami is affection-starved and he didn’t really know it until you two started dating. He unknowingly sponges up all the love you give him and he doesn’t even realize the effect you have had on him until Shifuto calls him out on it, he’ll get flustered and deny it but the next time you’re together and he sees how you’re with him and processes how you make him feel and how nice it is... he can’t help the soft blush that tints his cheeks.

- He may find it embarrassing though, especially if you’re super blunt about it too - it always catches him off guard and it may lead to some teasing if you’re both alone. Don’t get him wrong though, he grows to love it a lot. He’s just not used to it and his response might be kind of stiff or may come off as him scolding you or joking, but the look of shyness and appreciation in his eyes gives him away.

- In the clingy aspect, at first he might find it bothersome, I won’t lie, but eventually your presence kind of becomes reassuring to him. It’s something he’ll need a lot of warming up to but eventually he does come to appreciate it, though it is in his nature to want to be alone every once in a while - so he might need you to step back every so often.

- The one thing he might get weirded out by is physical touch, he’d been taught that it’s something only married couples do (like: hand holding, hugging, k-kissing and stuff!) so if you’re more of a physical lover he’ll probably oppose many things at first, sorry!

- Eventually, with some time and coordination (and tons of patience) he might warm up to holding hands, mainly pinkies, and hugs. Kissing is still too much for him, and even a little peck to his hand has him blushing and stuttering, calling you a perv but he can’t hide the small smile that crawls onto his features when he looks over the area you kissed later that night. I will warn you that this stage will need a lot of work from both you and him, a lot of reassurance and understanding from your part, to get to - and he still might be kind of reserved. And depending on how much your physical affection matters, it could even put a strain in your relationship.

- Overall, Azami kind of grows fond of how clingy and affectionate you might be, especially since he often felt extremely lonely when he was younger, he’s still highly aware of what is and isn’t in his comfort zone and he isn’t afraid to let you know, don’t expect him to be very affectionate or touchy either, - but as more time goes on, he becomes more open to more types of affection.

- To him, though, he probably enjoys being able to have you around him, you’re special to him and while it is new he isn’t completely against adapting.

–– Taichi

- Oh god, he’s exactly like you! He was always kind of worried he was going to be a bit much in a relationship but after he realizes your love languages are kind of similar he’s ecstatic!

- Nano himself can be clingy, so you being clingy too really isn’t a problem at all. In his case, he’s always wanted a S/O who could make him feel cool and who he could be cool for, like he wanted someone he could protect and be there with, you know? And having you be so affectionate with him really makes him feel cool and appreciated.

- He’d been afraid that maybe his attitude might’ve been to much, he’d been told he was always so extra and loud with him emotions he was afraid it might end up creating an uncomfortable situation, Taichi is the type of person who doesn’t really like keeping his feelings bottled up (unless he deems that it may end up worsening or badly affecting the situation), and he wants to be honest with his S/O.

- So you being clingy really couldn’t be better, in a way Taichi wants to be wanted, he’d been ignored for so long that the idea that the person he likes doesn’t only like him back (to the point you’re actually in a relationship with him, something he might struggle understanding sometimes) but also enjoys his company so much they go out of their way to be with him? He might tear up a bit as he realizes you care about him so much.

- So he really doesn’t mind, if anything I can see it actively benefiting the relationship!

- Much like Azami, he absolutely absorbs all the affection you give him - it’s almost like an energy boost to him. Things like little cheek kisses or simple words of encouragement really get him pumped up, his favorite energizer would be you calling him cool.

- If you’re a physical lover, Taichi would probably short circuit, honestly, your touch - no matter how small - really ends up flustering him; he loves it, don’t get him wrong, but it’s the sort of thing he won’t get used to it no matter what or how long you’ve been together.

- Since you’re so similar in expressing yourselves, you’d actually kind of be reassuring Taichi things were going well. He really values and needs reassurance often, and it may sound annoying on paper but keep in mind he’s been ignored and pushed aside most of his life while all he wanted was to be likes, so having you be so clear - making your feelings known to him like that, in a way he really can’t deny their existence really makes him feel safe and loves. And really, that’s all he’s ever wanted. Not that he wouldn’t feel safe if you weren’t, but this type of approach is the one that Taichi is more responsive to. He can’t bring himself to doubt you knowing how upfront you are about your feelings, there’s always been a small voice in his head telling him he’s not good enough and being with you leaves him with no choice but to understand you actually love him and you won’t leave him behind.

- You really won’t ever catch him not smiling when it comes to you, just your presence alone makes him smile, especially when he knows you enjoy it too!

- Overall, he really won’t mind - it’s actually the sort of attitude that would make him feel safe and loved in a relationship. Nano really couldn’t realistically want more in a relationship.

— Masumi

- He’s naturally always melting like ice cream every time you’re near, but with how affectionate you are? He’s always a little puddle of mush on the floor.

- Much like the other two, Masumi is affection starved to the absolute max; with his parents always abroad and his grandma only being able to do so much, he can’t help but swallow every piece of attention and love thrown his way.

- It’s kind of sad, in a way, how dependent Masumi becomes of you. Your behavior is everything he ever wanted in his life, and knowing that you of all people are the one who’s supplementing the affection he so desperately wants makes him oddly emotional.

- It really wouldn’t be uncommon for him to

- He couldn’t be happier that you’re clingy, as he himself is nothing short of it either, having you around keeps Masumi energized and determined to do better. While he naturally strives to become better, knowing you’re there makes that desire tenfold. If it was up to him, you’d probably be joined by the hip forever.

- Masumi is really reliant on you when he’s feeling down, he might not show it much (and when he does it often sounds silly and people tend to laugh it off) but he’s a highly emotional kid, more often than not he finds himself feeling alone and scared, and it’s during these moments he’s grown to need you the most.

- Even simple things mean the world to him. He remembers everything, even small actions like holding your hand while walking down the street or you telling him you love him while you’re watching a movie together, you might not even realize how much all of that means to him and honestly, he couldn’t be happier if he tried.

- He’s absolutely whipped, he’d be more than happy to have you there with him forever.  There really is no way to win against him, though, no matter how clingy you think you are he always finds a way to be clingier.

- He’s a natural romantic too, so even if you don’t really expect it, get ready for him to outdo you with his gestures; they might be ridiculous even for your standards but just know he’s doing his best and this is genuinely how he thinks things work.

- You’d be the couple that’s always holding hands and hugging, it’s so cheesy everyone is jealous of how in love you two are (Tsuzuru might have written a couple of romance scripts based on you two that got called out for being too cheesy by Masumi himself and no one had the heart to tell him it was literally based on him and you).

- Overall, he couldn’t be happier - Masumi loves you and the way you express yourself in the relationship and he is so, so thankful for everything, even the small things, he can’t think of anything he’d want more in the world than be with you.

— Juza

- He gets so shy, oh my god… he can’t help but ask you if you’re sure you want to be so lovey dovey with him.

- For a very long time he won’t understand why you’d want to be so openly affectionate with him, aren’t you afraid of being seen with him and someone getting the wrong impression?

- Keep in mind this is probably also Juza’s first relationship so please be patient with him, though, while he definitely loves it he needs time to get used to it (he doesn’t take as long as Azami but he isn’t as natural with it as Taichi).

- He’s very shy and kind of insecure when it comes to your relationship, but eventually he’ll get used to the fact you do love him and you do want to be with him and that you don’t intend on leaving him; Please assure him he’s not some sort of scary guy.

- While he does enjoy having you cling to him, something he often finds cute and endearing (which leads to Banri making fun of him and the two fighting) he’s a total goner for sweet words and actions.

- Especially things like holding his pinkie or tracing patterns on his hand he melts, he’s gone - you’re too sweet even for him.

- Juza isn’t used to affection or touch, so having someone like you is a very big change from what he’s used to.

- He’s totally stiff at first but he’d also like, hold your hand a bit tighter if you tried pulling away. He enjoys it but he doesn’t know what to do about it, to many people’s amusement.

- So while he might be kind of awkward at first about it, he genuinely enjoys having someone caring like you around. Makes him feel loved and nice, you know?

- He’ll also try to return your affection in his own way, which mostly translates as him trying to take care of you via protecting you from harm/people (Banri) or giving you sweets or food that reminds him of you.

- It’s very cute to see though, how such a scary looking guy seems to turn into a puddle of mush and love whenever you come and hug him; it’s a sight for sore eyes, really.

- He’s not a very talkative guy but if you stick to him enough he’ll definitely start opening up faster, think of it as speedrunning that aspect of your relationship if you will.

- He might not say it often because he’s scared he’ll sound creepy but he genuinely loves the way you are so much, it makes him feel small in a weird way but also loved. You definitely become a calming, almost down to earth presence in Juza’s life.

- While he may not be too vocal about his fondness, he quickly grows to love how much love you seem to have for him, with you becoming a rock for him to settle on when he’s feeling down. Juza really, really just loves the way you are a lot.

[kodzukenscorner]

Atsumu, Osamu, Akaashi, and Iwaizumi with a guarded S/O

anon asked: Hello~! How would atsumu, osamu, akaashi and iwaizumi feel about their s/o who has a guarded heart and how would they help them open up? Hcs please?? Thanks!!! Love you work!!

wc: 1,589

✶   ✶   ✶   ✶   ✶

Atsumu

Atsumu is super affectionate so he initiates 99% of all your dates, kisses, hugs etc.

It doesn’t really bother him at first but then he starts to get a little self conscious, wondering if you like him at all

He’s asked you about it before and you’ve always reassured him that you do like him, you’re just not great at expressing it

Once he heard that, he made it his personal mission to get you to open up more and feel comfortable around him

And his method of achieving this? Teasing you

Even if you weren’t one to ask for affection and open up, he could tell how much you liked it when he held your hand, gave you a hug, and kissed you

So he decided to completely stop giving you what you wanted in the hopes that you would ask for it yourself

You noticed almost immediately that he was keeping his distance from you because he typically liked to be touching you in some way at all times

You asked him if he was mad at you or something, assuming you had done something wrong

He just turns to you with the most smug look on his face

“What’s wrong baby? Want a kiss? Guess yer just gonna have to do it yerself then”

Genuinely, you almost punched him the the throat

But, as much as you hate to admit it, he was right, you really wanted a kiss even if it was from this asshole

But you were so timid and didn’t know to initiate it

Atsumu isn’t a terrible person and could see the gears turning in your head, trying to figure out how to go about this

So he scooted closer to you and wrapped an arm around your waist, bringing your body closer to his

He leaned his forehead on yours but stayed in place, looking intently in your eyes

You knew he was just doing this to help you but you still felt so unsure of yourself

But with his lips so close to yours you just couldn’t help yourself

You placed a quick kiss on his lips before pulling away, avoiding his eye contact

He still held you close and smiled at you genuinely this time

“That wasn’t so bad was it? Baby steps, sweetheart”

Osamu

Osamu is not a tease like Atsumu and he completely understands that you’re a more guarded person

He’s typically very laid back and doesn’t push you out of your comfort zone if that’s not what you want

But what always broke his heart was when he knew you were having a bad day and you wouldn’t let him help

He would ask you over and over again what was wrong but you just kept repeating that you were fine with a forced smile on your face

It killed him that you felt like you couldn’t open up to him, he tried reassuring you that he just wanted to listen to you and make you feel better but you kept everything bottled up

One day, you came home in near tears and he knew he wasn’t going to let you tell him that you were ‘fine’ and that ‘nothing was wrong’

So he took you by the arm and led you into the kitchen where he made you a hot meal in complete silence

He set the food down in front you and watched as you began eating, still not saying a word

You knew that he could tell you had a bad day

You also knew that Osamu knew you were not very good at expressing yourself

So he made this meal for you, to show you just how much he cared about you and how he wanted to comfort you

You started crying as you ate and you felt so silly for not being able to open up to your boyfriend

You kept your face trained on your feet as the tears kept falling, hands balled up in your lap

Suddenly you felt Osamu’s hand on top of your fist and you immediately felt at ease

“Wanna talk about it?” He whispered, and you could hear the uncertainty in his voice

You wiped your tears with your free hand and looked up at him

He had been trying so hard to help you and all you did was push him away, but you weren’t going to do that this time

You nodded at him, finally ready to talk and you could see the smallest smile ghost across his lips

Akaashi

Akaashi is very attuned to your emotions and knows exactly how you’re feeling at pretty much all times

He also knows that you’re not someone who typically likes to let people in and tell them how you’re feeling

But he takes it all in stride, he’s extremely observant and if you’re ever feeling off or down he knows just what to do

Unfortunately, his overthinking gets the best of him and he begins to wonder if he’s truly doing enough to help you out and he begins to doubt himself

Lucky for him, you can tell when he starts getting lost in his own thoughts and know that he’s second guessing himself

You reassure him time and time again that he’s a great boyfriend and that you’re very lucky to have him

He always feels better when he talks to you and he wants you to feel the same, he wants you to open up to him more and comes up with a whole plan to help you out

He waits for a day when he knows you’ve been feeling frustrated or stressed and puts his plan into motion

He can very obviously tell that you want some comfort and affection but he’s going to try and get you to ask for it yourself

“Something wrong?” He asks knowing full well something is wrong

You nod your head in response and plop down on the couch next to him

He turns his body to you and asks “What will make you feel better a hug or maybe a nap?”

“Hmmm I want a hug” You respond, not really thinking about it

That was one of the first times you had ever openly asked for a hug like that so Akaashi is quick to pull you into his arms and you he can feel you sigh in relief

“Why did you want a hug?” He pries more with his leading questions

“I’m just feeling stressed out, I have a lot of work to do”

He’s honestly very surprised to hear you open up so easily

He keeps up with his questions while rubbing small circles into your back

Soon you’ve both come up with a good plan for you to get all your work done with minimal stress and you’re already feeling better

“You do realize you just really opened up for the first time right?”

You blink and finally pull away from his warm embrace

It was so easy talking to Akaashi that you hadn’t even noticed that you let your walls down completely

“I guess I just feel really safe with you”

You moved back into your comfortable spot nestled in his chest

And it’s a good thing you did or you would have seen the blush overtaking Akaashi’s entire face

Iwaizumi

Okay Iwa is in the same boat as you, he is not great at expressing himself and keeps his emotions at bay

All he really knows is that he loves and cares about you and you always manage to make him happy

And he knows you feel the same so he doesn’t try and make you let your walls down when he can’t even do the same

But this proves to be very difficult for the both of you since neither of you can figure out how to open up about how you’re feeling

Iwa begins to notice how it takes a toll on you

Normally when you’re having a bad day he can just hold you and watch a movie with you to make you feel better

But today something really seems to be bothering you because you’re restless and obviously not paying attention to the movie 

Iwa knows he has to talk about this with you because the last thing he wants is for you to keep it all bottled up

So he lets out a breath and pauses the movie

You look at him confused and he opens up his mouth

“So I had a pretty shitty day, my spikes kept missing and I just felt like shit”

You looked at him like a deer caught in headlights

Sure, Iwa has complained about people bothering him before but he’s never really talked about how he’s felt before

But here he was, spilling his guts to you, laying all his insecurities out in the open

And you knew he was doing this for you, he was venturing so far out of his comfort zone and wearing his heart out on his sleeve to give you the push you needed to do the same

By the time he was done venting he smiled

“Huh...that actually felt good”

You smiled back at him and kissed his cheek

“Can I tell you about my day?” You asked gently

He looked at you with a huge grin on his face, so happy to know that his method had worked

“I’d love that”

And so you finally opened up, letting your guard down and being truly vulnerable around Iwa because you knew that you weren’t alone

[theoceanspanwaves]

Wannabe Challenge Headcanons (First Time--Biho)

Back again to write out how I see MC’s first time with each of the Wannabe Challenge guys would go. In these headcanons, they’ve already established themselves as a couple (either secretly or publicly) and kissed and what not, but no further.

FIRST TIME (MC x Biho)

- Biho is a little like Taehee in that your first time is gonna happen somewhere very relaxing and magical, like a lovely little bed and breakfast near the ocean

- Biho is not like Taehee in that he was not planning to bang the holy heck out of you on this trip. he’s just a cinnamon roll that wanted you to have a nice weekend

- don’t get him wrong though; he’s not mad it ends up the way it does. he just didn’t expect it

- Biho has never pressured you or even probed the boundaries of your comfort zone as far as physical intimacy goes. tbh if you never had sex and he spent the rest of his life watching you read books and holding your hand he’d be fine with it 

- you are not fine with that, however. how could you be? come on. 

- you’ve never wanted to see someone come undone as much as you want to see Biho 

- he brings you to a charming little B&B on the coast for your birthday and it’s amazing. this boy knows what you like and he has moved heaven and hell to make things as good as if you’d written out a wish list

- he got you two rooms because of course he did; he’s a goddamn gentleman

- fuck that

- you lure him into your room the second night with the promise of snacks and the latest episode of Blue Planet. You have snacks and the show, of course, but you also have a naughty little lingerie set you bought a week before your trip

- halfway through an episode about tuna migration patterns you slip into the loo and strip; the lingerie is a soft little cream-colored confection with tiny puff balls on the end of the string ties

- you watch his face when you step into view and it does. not. disappoint

- you’re used to a myriad of subtle emotions on his face--worry, joy, disappointment, a sort of long-suffering when you touch Yooha, Taehee, or Hansol

- his emotions are a mystery to anyone who doesn’t know him, but you have learned to look at them the way an artist looks at shades of blue; each one is a beacon, a story

- so when his face stays neutral at the sight of your skimpy apparel, you are undaunted; you see the darkening of his eyes, the way his pupils dilate, the way his adam’s apple bobs just a bit as he swallows instinctively

- he’s turned on. but more than anything, he’s wondering what game you’re playing and what you want

- you want him. the end

- he’s not going to so much as look at you impurely you until you make it undeniably clear what you are after

- so you make it undeniably clear

- the TV and its scenes of swirling fish are forgotten as you very, very carefully lower yourself onto his lap. his consent is important, too, and you watch for any signs of hesitation as you approach

- Kang Biho, you say. Kang Biho. I picked these clothes out...just for you

- Biho’s weakness is being singled out as the one, special, only object of your affections

- his hands float up to touch the softness of your waist, and they tremble

- you lean forward, nestling your nose into his red hair and speaking into his ear: Kang Biho. I want you, and only you, to have all of me

- well shit, that’s all you had to say

- he reaches up, sets aside his glasses, gently grasps your wrist, and flips you so you’re under his warm, gentle weight

- his face is like nothing you’ve ever seen; there’s a bottomless hunger in his eyes that sends a tingle all the way to your core

- once he has assurance that you and he want the same thing, he’s unquenchable. the stillest waters run the deepest, after all

- his hands search every inch of your skin; his lips worship a course from your neck to your breasts and stomach and back up

- you brought the protection, of course; he wouldn’t dare to presume

- he’s wonderfully expressive as you make love; this usually silent boy moans and whispers words of adoration with every thrust

- he ensures you finish first, but he’s not far behind

- there’s cuddling galore and the most tender of aftercare

- the relationship between you deepens after this weekend, and Biho becomes a little more possessive. he’s always been concerned with your happiness and a little jealous of your time, but now he openly stops Yooha from touching you and Hansol from clinging

- Biho hasn’t had many things in his life to call his own, but you...he never wants to let you go and he has no intentions of giving you over to anyone. after all, he’s the only one he trusts to take proper care of you

- he won’t visit you at night unless invited

- you come up with a secret code that you text him when you are up for a nighttime visitor

- he pretends to be dozing off when Hansol questions him about where he goes every night

- when Hansol continues to push, he just starts putting him to sleep at a certain time

- you and Biho cuddle uninterrupted in each other’s arms, Hansol becomes more well-rested than he’s ever been

- it’s a win for everyone

[incorrect-ikevamp-quotes]

hello~ i saw you’re taking fluff ABC requests! can i get comte with C H J L S Y please? i hope thats not too much (if it is then just the first 3 will be fine), thank you!!! :)

Hiya friend! You absolutely may, not to worry, I love writing about Comte!! You’re very welcome, and I hope you enjoy my rambles :D 💖💖💖 Below a cut for length!

Fluffy ABC headcanons listed here for requests!

C = Cuddling (how does he like to cuddle?)

His favorite way to cuddle tends to be with her in his lap in any permutation of that position. Usually she’s sitting on his thighs with her legs over the arm of a chair/on the other side of the couch, or she’s all curled up between his legs (she feels guilty about being too heavy and making his legs fall asleep, no matter how much Comte protests). She’ll lean against his chest and close her eyes, or hug him around his shoulders and snuggle close to his neck while he wraps his arms around her waist. From time to time his hand might fall to her thigh, stroking gently, or he might drop a kiss to her forehead/shoulder--anywhere he can reach, really. Either way, it’s a very comfortable position for both of them; he’ll always have a blanket ready to drape over her in the winter time since she often falls asleep that way. He loves it because he can watch over her and soak in some quality time at his leisure, no demands being made of him and no chaos to resolve. Just the quiet, the crackle of a hearth/fire perhaps, and the rhythmic sound of her breathing--beating heart steady. She’s safe, she’s warm, she’s cherished, and she’s content; what more could he ask for? (She loves it too because she just loves being wrapped up in the scent of him and in his arms, falls asleep so readily because of how comforted she feels ;-;).

He also loves having her legs around his hips when she’s in his lap--but that usually leads to sexy times, and this is fluff hour, my darlings ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°).

H = Holding Hands (when/how does he like to hold hands?)

Literally the only time this man would ever say no to hand-holding is when he has to actively use his hands for something else. (Basically sees her empty hand and sees his own empty hand and is just the “Is for me? 👉👈” meme). Otherwise he would die before saying no. That being said, he tends to be pretty practical and chill about it. Out on the town? Likes to hold her hand to keep her close, likes showing off his favorite person in the world, loves the feel of her hand against his own--warm. (From time to time his thumb will drift to her fluttering pulse along her wrist and he’ll sigh blissfully; it reduces his terrifying intrusive worries about losing her suddenly to mere background noise.) 

Usually it’ll just be her hand in his, but when it comes to sexy times he’s more partial to their fingers being intertwined ;)

J = Jokes (does he like to joke around with or prank her? how?)

Okay but this one made me laugh, only because my first thought was “he’s a clown s2g”. What I mean to say is that he’s a huge tease; really enjoys gently flustering his love. He’d never cross boundaries or do anything appalling, but he will ask her to do things that make her bashful because he thinks it’s absolutely adorable/endearing to see her out of sorts. Seduction is the name of his game, and he intends to see both of them have fun along the way (he’s a lovable rascal). Will ask her to undress him after a long day to enjoy the blush on her cheeks in the privacy of their room, or ask her to kiss him goodbye at the door if he has to go into town to run an errand. They will be simple little requests, or even observations sometimes~

One surefire way to surprise him/get him back though is to respond to his teasing with utterly serious love--it makes him freeze in his tracks every single time. If she anticipate his moves, he will be completely baffled for a moment. For example, say it’s his usual tea time and he’s really absorbed in his work (or he’s pretending to be). “MC would you mind--” Be one step ahead of him, hold that macaroon up to his lips like “Don’t worry, sweetheart, leave it to me--say ah~” And he will literally scream internally and die; he won’t ever see it coming. 

Note: this will lead to rigorous love-making in one way or another (either that moment or later that night) so be forewarned if she seeks to thwart him HAHA 

Beyond that, though, I think he and his MC are also a naturally light-hearted couple; they find fun wherever they are and joke around easily. Whether that means teasing each other, or just snickering over puns/nonsense.

L = Love (how does he show her he loves her?) Take two! I did another one with a different spin on it without realizing because I’m literally too in love with him to stop

If I’m honest? I think Comte’s biggest indicator of genuine, abiding love is vulnerability. He is always overcompensating, always acting to make other people comfortable; always a little too giving. If MC can encourage him to be greedy, to let down his guard with her--to be less than polished and perfect and magnanimous to the point of self-silencing--that is the greatest way he can show love. It means he trusts her to see him for all that he is, hiding nothing, and isn’t afraid that doing so will mean losing her forever. People can rely on him too much, ask for too much, and while he does love answering people’s needs and seeing them happy, at the end of the day he can neglect himself sometimes. She coaxes him out of his protective isolation slowly by showing him that he’s safe and loved even when he gets a little needy for affection, a little needy for reassurance. When she shows him that he’s still adorable and sweet and precious when he asks for help, he is like putty in her hands. Fair warning to MC though--if she does this she better be prepared to be spoiled tenfold in return; he can’t help himself!

S = Secrets (how open is he with her?)

Comte is a slow burn through and through my friends; he needs time to really open up. It’s not that he thinks MC will betray his trust or regard him with indifference; rather, he doesn’t have much confidence others will like him in his more vulnerable state. (And honestly, I wouldn’t be at all surprised if people have toyed with his weaknesses in the past. Yes, Vlad, I’m looking at you.) He just assumes he’s a lot of baggage, that the truth of who he is and how he thinks is just too depressing. He tends to hide his more overwhelming feelings and loneliness, tends to hide what he wants; he doesn’t want to impose on others or burden them. That being said, if one pays attention to his tells, if she shatters the illusion of his composure with confident concern, he will begin to share what he’s thinking more and more. He will give up the facade slowly, reach out to her more consistently as she offers him a safe, sensitive place to rest. (I feel like his biggest indicator is sudden silence: if he doesn’t know what to say it’s usually because he’s either caught off guard or overwhelmed by emotion, and he needs a second to conceal it). 

I don’t think he’ll ever be completely open with his feelings like that in any kind of public setting. He needs the comfort of privacy, the truth of who he is hers and hers alone; it is a privilege that belongs to his beloved. He will share bits and pieces of himself outside, snapshots of what he’s truly like, but the entirety of his selfhood will be concealed only between them two. 

Y = Yes (how would he propose to her?)

Haha, this will actually come up in his MS and a future event, so look forward to it! But there are some big points to hit home when it comes to his proposal process. 

First and foremost, he doesn’t give a single fuck what others think. He considers marriage and everything that comes with it secondary to the truth that lies between him and his cherished one. Does she want to stay by his side, and is she ready for that level of commitment? Before he ever goes public with the depth of their ties, he needs to know that they are on the same page without equivocation in private. And more importantly, what her comfort zones are. Does she even want marriage? Does she want it to be a public affair, or would she prefer less fanfare? How does she want to go about this?

He thinks marriage in and of itself is a cheap promise for eternal creatures; it’s too lodged in social convention and cultish religious tradition to mean squat to him. He will take their bond seriously, and he will absolutely respect her feelings about marriage, but he wants something more timeless and equal between them--something not easily severed. He will wait as long as he needs to for her to be ready for that. Marriage to him is more of a universally acknowledged symbol of their union; a way for other people to recognize that they’re devoted to someone else, and a way for him to express deep romantic feeling openly. As long as he knows at the end of the day that they’ll always be together on their own terms, side by side, that’s really all that matters to him.

His proposal will begin in private; it will be an intimate, fairly solemn moment between them. Is she ready to become a vampire’s bride? Can she accept that kind of future, and everything that comes with it? He doesn’t want her to be socially pressured by a crowd or even himself and the other residents of the mansion--he wants this to be her choice and vow, through and through. This isn’t about getting her to agree, this is about gauging where she is emotionally. If she needs more time to be sure, he’s happy to give it (but when he proposes he will have paid very careful attention to her potential receptivity; it is unlikely he would jump the gun and risk frightening her).

He will take her to a little church at midnight, well into the darkest hours of the night. Each breath will hang like a whisper in the air, swallowed by the cool and amplified by the quiet. He will try to provide a dress for her, but if she’s partial to one she already has, he won’t protest (he will just pout because he LIVES to buy her dresses and this is a special occasion, one he intends to remember forever ;-;). He’ll take a moment at the altar where a ceremonial binding would usually happen, and pause. 

He looks more serious than usual, his expression penetrating. He’ll take her hands in his own, squeeze them gently as her gaze finds his. The silence is gentle, but anticipatory--charged with what’s to come. He speaks slowly and softly.

“I’ve asked you before, but I’m going to ask one more time, here and now; a vow between us. Will you stay by my side, a vampire’s bride, for as long as this life gives us? Will you marry me someday?”

They’ve talked about the prospect before, and she’s already proved her mettle--she has expressed no intention of letting him go. Even if that means becoming like him in the future to stay together, even if that means facing the grief of losing human friends and family. She knows what it means to agree to this bond, and she’s thought it through; she knows this is what she wants. She dreads a future devoid of his presence so much more than any necessity to forfeit her mortality.

“Of course I will,” her answer is equally soft but firm, every bit the woman he fell in love with; sensitivity lined with steel. 

The next second she’s leaping into his arms and he laughs, melting into the delight of her certainty, relieved to know he isn’t alone (and won’t be alone ever again), more in love than he ever thought he could be. He holds her tight for a moment before letting go, pressing a kiss to her left ring finger--one he fully intends to adorn with a proper ring of his choosing (he was having it made to suit her so it would take a little longer to be ready, one of a kind).

That being said whenever she’s ready (or wants) to have a public ceremony, he’s ready with bells on! He will listen very, very carefully to the customs she recognizes as binding and the kind of wedding she wishes for, and will essentially ensure that the process reflects a balance of their mutual desires (as always, leaning into what she wants a little more). He’s also a hopeless romantic, so despite his private feelings about marriage, he will enact all the cute little traditions he’s picked up along his long, long life that express earnest wishes/prayers for a bride's happiness. If it makes her smile--and sometimes cry happy tears--then he thinks it simply makes all those years he waited for her to enter his life worth it.

[seafleece]

Hey, random question, but what do you think are the M9's love languages?

oh, anon, you absolutely did not sign up for this and i am so sorry, but here we are. i had to look up the five types and keep them in the google doc to remind myself what they were, but uhh here’s almost 4000 words of character analysis and discussion of debatable quality

jester: 

my initial thought was quality time— an obvious and painful one, as it’s the one her mother wasn’t able to provide. i think the sleeper, though, for jester, is acts of service. 

with beau, this especially shows up in reference to healing— jester having a more healing-focused cleric around is a big relief, especially for someone so close to warlock status that she almost was one, but very notably, she very much wants to heal beau. she specifically apologizes for not doing so in the chantry, and attributes that to beau’s absence rather than anything else; more generally, there’s a huge amount of distress on jester’s part when beau is hurt, and that she wants to be the one to heal beau (notably, with the gorgon, she RAN to beau, was immediately upset both times beau started getting petrified, and even dissuaded caduceus or caleb from using their turn to heal beau so she could instead, making sure to be Right There even while nott was applying the oil). she also seems to really value the instances when beau does things for her, especially since there are specific acts that beau reserves for jester (engaging with religion in any capacity, wearing a dress for jester and more broadly allowing jester to pick her clothes, a concept which beau probably has an explicitly negative association with from her mother).

it’s also muddled jester up the worst when it comes to relationships she understands less— the “kiss” with fjord in the temple that was a vehicle for giving jester air, most specifically, comes to mind— and she’s really come to terms with this by realizing that romantic feelings weren’t really what he was expressing, and that it wasn’t necessarily what she was feeling, either. it’s noticeable in how she describes her relationship with the traveler— she feels like her service to him is doing little things for him, and asks, when she’s unsure, when the traveler failed to act on her behalf when they were kidnapped, if she did something wrong to make him angry, and literally desecrates a temple to make up for it as soon as they’re back in town.

and the thing is, quality time isn’t really what was lacking in her relationship with marion— marion probably did have time to spend with jester for at least a little while every day. the problem is that marion simply couldn’t provide jester with things that she needed: access to the outside world and companionship. she had to learn from near-scratch how to navigate relationships of varying intensities, and it shows with her initial zeroing in on fjord as an iteration of the dashing sailor her momma told her about, as well as her more slow-burn come to trust and really invest in and love beau, because she’s never had a relationship like that with a girl, and maybe didn’t even know it was something she could have, or something she could want.

jester’s her proudest when she’s doing things for other people, even if they maybe wouldn’t love her doing it if they knew— threatening beau’s dad because she hates that he hurt her, hearing that beau was thinking about leaving and marching in to modify memory a hag, writing astrid a letter because caleb seems like he liked her, asking essek if he likes caleb because caleb seems to like essek, painting yasha’s room in the xhorhaus, finding outfits for everyone. she struggles with how to rein in showing it and thinking first about the potential consequences, and is unsure how to navigate what it means when she’s shown it in return, but it’s messy and heartfelt and sincere. with her mom, she really clearly appreciates when her mom does do things for her— providing a home for her friend’s family, allowing the m9 to stay in the chateau, coming to the party with them despite her agoraphobia. i’m sort of banking on a scene where jester talks to her about it, apologizes for leaving, and reaffirms that it means a lot to her that marion is stepping out of her comfort zone for her.

beau: 

words of affirmation. this is NO DOUBT something her parents didn’t give her, maybe ever. this is baked into her relationship with them— she knew that her father wanted a boy, he probably Told her this, and she wasn’t one. it’s something she could literally never be, an aspect she would be forever resented for, that would tinge everything her father ever said to her. her mother also probably didn’t give her much if any affirmation, as she was trying to police and fix beau’s behavior to avoid thoreau’s anger for both of them, and never properly elaborated to beau that her intention was to keep beau from being punished (not that it would have made it okay, for the record). it’s also why her conversation with her parents in 92 immediately threw her off, because for once they actually told her she’d impressed them, that she’d done good, and it’s rough as hell to see that. 

unfortunately, it’s also the thing she’s least likely to get from everyone else unless she’s at her worst, because almost everyone else, including fanon, seems to have profoundly absorbed this idea that beau is rude and abrasive and sarcastic and she’s just. not. she might have been at the start, but she’s always been especially soft with jester, she and caleb are very mutually assured about the sort of affection they show each other, she’s always been either openly flirting with or just sort of tenderly awkward with and trying around yasha, she and caduceus have a fun and pretty peaceful dynamic i always love to see, and we know caduceus, for at least a while, considered beau his favorite. 

then, there’s the characters she’s known for butting heads with the most: fjord, with whom she’s developing a sibling dynamic to rival hers with caleb and really obviously is ride or die for; nott, who used to openly insult beau and just about everyone else, and who is now 1/3 of the chaos crew beau is also in; and molly, whose death was a HUGE turning point for beau in terms of a) taking stock of her morals and how she intended to act on them and b) expressing love for someone so you know they know it, before it’s too late. 

jester seems to see this the most, no surprise there, and dairon also sees a lot of potential in beau not because she’s strong or fast (she’s from a martially focused monastery), but because she’s smart. dairon talks about and to beau very affectionately compared to other mentor/guardian figures she’s had, and i think it means a lot to her coming from both jester and dairon. she certainly returns the favor for both of them.

fjord: 

this one isn’t immediately apparent, so i’m gonna start by talking about the nature of his relationship with caduceus (and see where it gets me). 

okay, i lied, i’m starting with molly.

fjord and molly had a thing. it’s clear in retrospect, and i’ve talked about it, but i think it has to do with where fjord was in his quest to reinvent himself. molly was someone who, for all intents and purposes, had flawlessly become a new person— not necessarily because of a concerted effort to change who lucien was, but a different person nonetheless. fjord wanted desperately to believe that that was attainable for him, and thus saw a lot in investing in molly. molly was a silent affirmation that fjord could really pull this off, could really reinvent himself and be fine.

also, molly was hot. enough said.

caduceus, on the other hand, offered something different. caduceus came along right before fjord’s willingness to help uk’otoa was first tested— fjord rose to the occasion, but the whole time there was someone new along, someone whose faith in his deity seemed assured. assured, that’s something fjord never had.

afterward, he got to see what it meant to believe in a god like that, and he started to want in. caduceus seems like a very honest person— though really, it’s just because m9 doesn’t know the right questions to ask him— and his god is the god of the sea, too, right? fjord really lost a rock in molly the way i don’t think a lot of people realize, and it’s why his swallowing the summer’s dance felt so meaningful. he was keeping a part of molly with him, and i wonder if he misses that part of his falchion. after he lost his inspiration for recreation, he started to put stock into authenticity as the answer, and caduceus as the vehicle. and the wildmother was very accepting, too, took him in like a lost sheep.

where fjord is now, i think he values the covenant (which i realize i actually define later, so if i forget to reorganize these before i post, then oops) in a similar way to caleb. more specifically, though, he decidedly the word owe in talking to beau about the group’s relationship, which, among other things, speaks to acts of service. fjord has work to do to earn his place as a paladin of the wildmother (and a good amount of work to do indeed, if getting trounced by darrow was any indication), and he feels the need to repay caduceus for his help, companionship, and guidance. fjord also gets hurt and KO’d. a lot. i think he takes it on the chin as his role in the group— that’s his job, and he has faith in caduceus and jester to keep him up. they’re not done yet, they haven’t finished serving one another, so beau leaving is of considerable offense (near-mutinous, to be specific).

caleb: 

words MEAN SHIT to caleb, you can tell in the way he talks. everyone remembers the times he’s told nott he loves her, he responds best to beau because i think he really loves the way she talks, he shows his feelings in really passionate speeches to nott, to beauregard, and most recently to essek. there’s absolutely a reason why so many goddamn quotes from campaign 2 are attributed to this dude, and it’s because he monologues like a fucking champ. their group is named after his accent. 

as for receiving love, though, i think it’s a little different. we know from talks that he’s placed a lot of value on the things jester has done for him, and moreover to be herself as someone who gives recklessly, but as far as we know he doesn’t intend to do anything with it. with nott, i’m tempted to create a new category that’s something like a covenant? he and nott agreed to travel together and help each other under the worst conditions, and they’ve stuck to this fastidiously. this covenant, this commitment to the group, is something he extends to everyone— he is not willing to walk away from this, and hasn’t been for a long time, he believes in all of them, truly, what they can do— and cherishes the fact that everyone has kept this, except for two very specific moments. beau, when she introduced the threat of her leaving the party, and yasha, when she was taken over by obann. for beau, he actually seemed fairly quiet compared to fjord, and i’m not sure yet on why this is, other that i think he trusted fjord and jester to talk her down. as for yasha, he seems to be really invested in commiserating with yasha as two haunted ones (literally), and sees her as someone who also really values the group but sees her ability to belong as tarnished by what she’s done. 

for the purposes of this, i’m gonna refer to it as that, as a covenant (yes i’m a failed church kid, what of it) and as separate from acts of service, because it’s more akin to the promise of one major, permanent act of service to each other. i wonder if it’s this steadfastness in that idea that partially led caduceus to continue and develop the idea of his role, because caleb and the rest of team cockroach, as i call them, were gonna keep that covenant if it killed them, and caduceus could keep them from getting killed, at the very least, if he entered into it.

but anyway, that covenant now extends to essek, if he decides to take it. and if he does, that will mean something infinite to caleb, i think. 

caduceus: acts of service.

okay. i wanna talk about caduceus and danger.

caduceus doesn’t heal himself. we know this. he heals everyone else, and not himself. 

i’ve been checking critrole stats on this, and if i’m reading correctly, he has taken the most damage (157) in one episode than anyone else. and it’s not a small margin. the closest is yasha (129) and i’m almost certain that’s from the episode where she decided to literally get attacked until she passed out. i was trying to guess which episode this was from, and then it hit me: probably the episode where he fucking died, right? because it really just never came up again.

caduceus has: started to drown at least 3 times in his first month on the job, been killed by nott, been beaten near to death when yasha was charmed, and been very quietly and very badly stabbed in the back by a disappearing assassin. he’s also died at home, as a family tradition.

there’s a million better meta posts about caduceus’s relationship with death, or even about him not healing himself, but I just want to set it as potential precedent for the idea that caduceus, to some degree, sees value in himself as someone who doesn’t mind dying in a fight. for one thing, it’s been a temporary thing almost from day one with m9, as jester immediately invested in diamonds when they got back to town. it’s not his first rodeo, either, and his family has normalized death to an, and i say this more because of how it’s affected him rather than because i dislike the idea of normalizing death, an upsetting degree.

giving healing, that’s his job, but eliminating himself as someone who needs help or healing, well, that’s healing in a way, too, right? if he doesn’t get healed, it’s more for everyone else. worst comes to worst, jester can heal him if need be. or, y’know. not heal him.

caduceus’s relationship with m9 has noticeable transaction rhetoric, and i wonder where that really fits in with his family. obviously, his role in the family was implied as the one who stayed behind, and his parents definitely imparted a need for him to be stable, a role he’s continued to fill for m9 to his quiet detriment but i think he’s also jumped on the opportunity to finally be the older one, the wiser one, of the group. there’s a power caduceus has over the group that’s really understated— they just sort of listen to him, even if what he’s saying doesn’t actually make sense, because he started with nott, beau, and caleb as a wise savior, a protector, and upon finding the others, it’s not like jester, fjord, or yasha were filling that role. molly certainly wasn’t either— it’s funny, how in retrospect caduceus seems inevitable to the group because they really didn’t have anyone like him. the closest thing to a voice of reason they had was fjord and caleb, and early on, caleb was not in great standing because of his and nott’s perceived standoffishness, and fjord threw up ocean water, so like, what’s up with that, right?

at the very least, he definitely believes he owes the mighty nein something, a role to fill, a job to perform. a service to act out, if you will. his job is to heal, and he does less healing if he heals himself. he seems to view him taking a hit as a win, in a way— it’s a hit that someone else doesn’t take.

i have a lot of hope that reconnecting with his family and seeing how he’s grown while they haven’t allows him to revisit his notions of what he needs to be, and i have a lot of hope that moving forward, he’ll be able to invest more in the other motif he’s developed, which is gift-giving: fjord, with the star razor; his sisters, with the hat (which seems small but like. boy’s had it for a while) and the flute; and, most recently, in helping jester pick out everyone’s outfits. it allows him to feel like he’s giving something to the people he cares about without it hurting him.

yasha: 

truly everything. it’s hard to get a read because yasha really just soaks in all the love m9 wants to give her. if i had to guess further, i’d say we should look at her and molly’s relationship, because molly’s the only character we’ve seen her unabashedly love, and the thing that stood out most to me was physical touch. that echoes really depressingly with her “fight” in 89— she got something out of being that close to someone, even if it felt like reparation or atonement, and i think the only person in m9 who’s been really unafraid to touch yasha is jester.

i’ll admit i have a soft spot for yashter, but, like, it’s there, right? the obvious trust, the faith jester has in yasha and the fear and turmoil when that was tested? i remember really clearly jester giving yasha a piggyback ride in zadash in an early ep, and like— when’s the last time someone was strong enough to do that? when’s the last time someone wanted to do that for yasha? everyone’s mistrusted yasha to some degree for the entire run of the campaign, and, like, how much did her hopes to get close to everyone else just evaporate after the king’s cage? does she really even believe she can have it again? she was so close— jester trusted her fully, she and beau were in a comfortable mutual place with flirting, she’d talked to caduceus and jester about zuala, she even felt comfortable picking up nott and throwing her around (which, by the way, i love their dynamic).

she seems to have leaned more into the protective, threatening stance since they got her back, which, if she’s comfortable with it, is just fine— maybe she’s shifting more towards acts of service, but i just hope it isn’t her just accepting the idea that everyone will always be afraid of her, that she won’t be close like that again. because molly wasn’t afraid of her. jester wasn’t, and i don’t think she is, now— but fjord showed a lot of distrust, and i think yasha’s scared of the degree to which she hurt beau and how to even broach that discussion, and she attacked them, how could they ever forgive her or trust she wouldn’t do it again? 

(i wish i had a happier end to this, so i’ll just say that she did seem comfortable last ep, and that she may or may not have interest in getting a tattoo from jester? interesting stuff.)

veth: 

on a person to person level, veth definitely feels she and caleb are acting on the promise they’ve made to help each other— now she’s reached it, things are a bit more nebulous, but it’s obvious she wants to stick around for him. i’ll admit, her words to everyone in 97 were a bit surprising to me— she hasn’t really been good at conveying emotion like that before unless she’s desperate or really upset, and i imagine it was something she started planning in her head to say to everyone as soon as the first ritual didn’t work. that might be, i think, what she felt as relief, just not being able to articulate what she wanted to say to everyone.

as for her family, veth believes she owes her best self to yeza and luc— she kept herself from them not because she couldn’t have gone back, but because she felt like someone else, like someone worse, and the exaggerated tendencies from her previous life only reinforced this— she didn’t believe she deserved to be around them, before now. before caleb, i don’t know if she had any hope for returning to them at all, and he changed that entirely.

i’m also very interested in why veth is able to reconcile her marriage with yeza as veth with her loving caleb as nott, and if she sort of considers herself as two different people. we’ve seen so little of what she feels comfortable expecting from other people— for now, i’d say acts of service seems appropriate? but maybe something closer to just. fulfilling promises.

bonus: for the other two who are considered part of the mighty nein

kiri: 

words of affirmation. i’m a HUGE kenku stan, anyone who’s played d&d with me knows this, and i’m especially fascinated with the relationship with words when you can only speak the words you hear/remember. on the most basic level, if you speak to kiri, you are giving her a gift, you’re giving her the ability to speak, too. and if those words are affirming, then she can say them back! and you’re giving them to her, in a sense, to use as she pleases and repeat them to herself, even, and i just love that image— her, to herself, saying “i love you” in other people’s voices. i’m ride or die for kenkus, and kiri started it.

essek: 

okay, so almost everyone in the m9 could be read as needing words of affirmation, because it’s so clear that they need more love and knowledge of love than they’ve received, and have found it in each other. essek has quite literally found it in m9 for the first time. he absolutely needs all of these, like, ASAP, but i think it’s what everyone says to him that get him the most. caleb’s speech, obviously, but it’s also them casually referring to him as their friend, it’s jester’s messages, even if he’s busy. it’s important to say, though, that i think it’s a specific type of affirmation: things that have nothing to do with his magic ability (and moreover, any of these gifts that have nothing to do with it). essek’s built his entire life on the idea that he is someone incredibly powerful and smart for his age— m9 are probably the first people to make him feel like he was more than that, because they want to know about the rest of him, and in becoming friends with them, he’s confronting the fact that he doesn’t really believe there is a rest of him. they want to know a part of himself that he at best has neglected and has been neglected by others, and at worst that he believes does not exist. when they talk about him as a friend, it adds to who he can be. he’s seeing, for the first time, that he can exist as someone else than his abilities and his ambition.

i initially started off with words of affirmation and he clearly needs that, but i think he really just needs all of these in a very specific way: he needs to feel love that is not based in merit, that pertains to who he actually is in this life rather than what he can become in the next, that values the life he’s living right now, because he’s not getting that from the dynasty. it seems like a low bar, maybe, to people who only have the one life, as far as we know, but his arc this campaign shows that it really, really isn’t.

[jaskiersvalley]

Art From Ashes

So @dirtydancyart and I were talking about the world they created in which Eskel is a biker, Geralt got involved with Emhyr in some underground shady stuff. Then I came along with this in which Cahir is technically Emhyr’s enforcer but keeps getting mistaken for Ciri’s nanny. Long story short, we wanted some hurt/comfort, some Cahir getting kidnapped and hurt, some Eskel coming to the rescue like a badass. Thus, here we are.

CW: Torture, blood, injuries.

Things had been going surprisingly well after that initial meeting. Eskel had apologised profusely for mistaking Cahir for a decorator. And then for putting his foot even more in it by thinking he was Ciri’s babysitter. For not such an auspicious start, he and Cahir actually got along alarmingly well. Not that they had ever told anyone, officially Nilfgaard and the Wolves were still not openly allies so they had to toe the line. That didn’t stop them from seeing each other or from quietly falling in love. They didn’t need grand declarations or even tokens of affection. For them, it was enough that if Cahir came home late and with blood in his hair, Eskel would wash it out for him with tender touches. By the same token, if Eskel had a run to do, he often found himself with a packed lunch on the passenger seat and a little post it with a smiley face on it. It was more than enough for them, knowing without ever saying anything. After all, if they didn’t say it, they had plausible deniability.

It did however mean trying to be a little more secretive. The nights they spent together were marred by the fact they couldn’t leave at the same time so there were no goodbye kisses on the porch or standing by bikes. That had been another flustering moment in Eskel’s life, discovering that Cahir had a bike in his garage. It was sleek, black and as quiet as a bike could come. Plus terrifyingly fast. Cahir had taken him out to a track just the once and Eskel almost had a heart attack - which was rich coming from someone who would happily rev his way down any stretch of road as soon as it was clear.

Another morning meant Eskel had to leave before the rest of the neighbourhood was up. The sun was already shining through the window and he’d kissed Cahir goodbye. Stepping out into the hallway, Eskel sighed and turned to get going. However, he couldn’t resist one final peek through the half open door. A smile twitched his lips as he watched Cahir rummaging for a t-shirt, bare skin on display. It was quite the sight and Eskel sighed, eyes tracing over the phoenix that spread over Cahir’s back, tail and flames dipping down below the waistband of his slacks. Eskel’s breath hitched when, rather than the shirt being pulled on, Cahir’s hands dropped to his flies and his trousers were slowly pushed down to reveal the rest of the tattoo that Eskel did so dearly love to trace with fingers and lips. Confused, eyes flitted up and Eskel’s gaze met Cahir’s in a mirror. A knowing smirk had him blushing which only deepened as Cahir’s finger traced the tattoo along his collarbone before stopping at the flame that licked at his throat, dipping to run over the Nilfgaardian sun that usually lay just about hidden under the top button of his shirts. A wink and a kiss blown at him had Eskel leaving with a smile and a spring in his step.

They weren’t due to see each other for a couple of days. However, the messages Eskel sent Cahir remained unanswered even though they were sporadically marked as read. Worry began to creep into Eskel’s days as the silence stretched on. It was only through Geralt that he learned something was amiss. Emhyr’s daughter had been attacked. While she had been whisked away to safety, someone else had been snatched.

[Who are you and what have you done with him?]

The message he sent to Cahir’s phone was read and, magically, three dots appeared as a reply was typed out.

[Seems the wolf is involved after all. Lies cannot go unpunished.]

Rage flushed through Eskel. Usually he was so good at keeping his emotions in check but his rash actions had caused Cahir problems. He didn’t even want to imagine what kind of punishment his captors would deliver. Throat tight, Eskel’s phone went sailing through the air and bounced off the wall. Searching the news brought nothing up. Of course Nilfgaard wouldn’t go public if one of theirs went missing. Those lower on the totem pole weren’t worth the effort while those higher didn’t want the authorities searching for them. Eskel’s own contacts didn’t bring in much information over the course of the next day. Time was of the essence and he was no closer to finding Cahir. So he did the unimaginable.

“Geralt. We have to talk.”

Thankfully, there wasn’t much need for words. Geralt sighed and shook his head.

“Should have known.” That was all the acknowledgement that there was. “Filavandrel’s men have him.”

That was serious. Worse than expected. Eskel had heard of what those who ran with Filavandrel could do so he began packing heavily for his rescue attempt. What he didn’t expect was for Lambert to silently step into the room and begin arming up. When Geralt did the same too, Eskel gave them incredulous looks.

“You’re not going in alone. We hunt in packs, remember?”

Armed to the teeth, they were on their way. For a change they took Roach, Geralt’s trusty SUV that had seen more blood than most cars. However, they didn’t know what condition Cahir would be in, probably not well enough to hold on for a bike ride. He’d been in Filavandrel’s not so tender care for three days, they were going to be lucky if he survived.

Storming the house Cahir had been kept in was oddly anticlimactic. It was in a quiet suburb and the house naturally had a basement. Well, it wasn’t so quiet as they walked in through the broken down door and shot anyone on sight. Eskel gave thanks for the invention of silencers as he indiscriminately disposed of another scumbag.

Going down the stairs was difficult. It was undoubtedly where Cahir was but Eskel dreaded that they would find. The smell of burned flesh hit them before they saw anything and Lambert swore. There were a few more people in the basement but the wolves were quick to dispatch them. Well, Lambert and Geralt did, Eskel was rooted to the spot as he caught sight of Cahir.

Strung up by his wrists and hoisted so his toes barely touched the ground, his shoulders were strained each time his legs gave out or slipped in the blood on the floor. There was no way to relax in the position and if Cahir’s head fell forward, his breathing turned to a strained rasp. He had his back to the entrance and Eskel could have cried at the sight, the beautiful phoenix tattoo was all but shredded as a whip had torn the skin to strips. Seeing Cahir struggle to get back on his toes, Eskel jerked into motion. Rounding Cahir, he wrapped an arm around his narrow waist and lifted as gently as he could. That earned him a soft, hoarse cry and apologies dripped from Eskel’s lips.

With Cahir in his arms, it was easier to assess the damage. Geralt was next to Eskel while Lambert guarded the door. Their first look didn’t paint a pretty picture. Aside from the oozing lashes on his back, most of Cahir’s tattoos had been destroyed. Deep cuts ran along his collarbones, slicing up the patterns in a mockery of symmetry. There were strips of skin peeled from his ribs where Eskel had liked to trace his fingers over patterns and dates. Worst was probably the Nilfgaardian star. It had been doused in something and probably set on fire judging by the deep, openly weeping patch and the blisters along Cahir’s neck and chin.

“Nenneke. Now.” Geralt barked and wasted no time in helping Eskel pick Cahir up. As Lambert led the way out, Geralt brought up the rear. They’d run extractions all too often so had this kind of thing down to a tee. In the car, Eskel was in the back, holding Cahir and trying to keep pressure off his multiple injuries. With nothing else to do, he could catalogue all the injuries they had missed before - the dark bruising around Cahir’s throat, scrapes to his knuckles from where he undoubtedly fought back, a puncture mark to the crook of his elbow. Who knew what his captors had shot him up with.

Arriving at Nenneke’s, Cahir was taken from Eskel’s arms and whisked away. He wasn’t allowed to see him for almost a whole day but at least he wasn’t chased from the building. Geralt disappeared, probably to talk to Emhyr but Lambert stayed, made sure they ate and drank while they waited. At long last Eskel was allowed to sit with Cahir in his room. For now, he was sedated to help keep him pain free, There were pillows either side of him to stop him from rolling onto his front or his back and an IV dripped steady from a stand.

It was another day before Cahir stirred, eyes opening and struggling to focus. His first words almost broke Eskel’s heart.

“You shouldn’t be here.” His voice was so strained, no doubt the hand shaped bruises on his throat did some damage deeper than the skin. “I shouldn’t be here.”

Cahir slipped back to sleep shortly after that, Eskel’s apologies and promises that he was safe lost as the world span into darkness.

When Geralt returned, it was only to beckon Eskel with him. They had business to sort and Emhyr had a proposition. With backing from Nilfgaard, the wolves went after Filavandrel. They weren’t stupid enough to outright kill him. But they certainly weakened his stance. Viciously indiscriminate, the wolves burned through his network, scorching the earth. Once done, there was just one thing left to do.

By the time Cahir was coherent and out of the danger zone, Eskel was back by his side. His hand was covered in clingfilm and it was something Cahir noted almost immediately.

“Let me show you,” Eskel murmured, all too aware of how quiet the room was. He already felt he filled more than his fair share of it with his bulk, it didn’t need his voice booming through it too. Carefully, he unwrapped his hand to reveal a Nilfgaardian sun. “For the one you lost. It’s a fealty exchange.”

From his pocket, he pulled a wolf medallion and offered it to Cahir. The wolves and Nilfgaard were united now and they were the guarantee of their continued cooperation. Somehow, Eskel didn’t think that was a bad thing by any means. Especially not when it meant he could freely love Cahir exactly as he deserved.

[chimswae]

BTS Caretaker CH21

Summary: She may think she has Bangtan Sonyeondan wrapped around her fingers. She may think it is easy to love the members equally without hurting any soul. She may think the boys wont fall head over heels for her. She assumes it is okay to show a little love and affection towards the boys, what if she gets it all wrong? What if it only brings more complication to her already complicated life? Can she survive their charms? Will she be able to resist them? What if they just wont let her go?

- Pairing: BTS x Oc ( Yoongi x OC, Jungkook x OC)

- Genre: Fluff, Slight Angst, Romance, Idol!au

- Word Count: 6, 707

- Author Note: I missed the date of posting new chapter again, okay so caught up with work :< aish, but it is okay i am updating now!

Previous | Next

Chapter 21

It was a long silence between them, neither the boys nor Seul dared to utter anything. To begin with, what was they supposed to say at first place. The Jungkook and Seul relationship or Jimin’s sudden outburst. As much as they wanted to bring Yoongi’s side of the story into the picture, they thought it was out of context. Yoongi’s issues had nothing to do with them, yet one of the reasons that trigger Jimin’s anger was related to Yoongi after all.

For once Namjoon had never feel burdened with the responsibility as the leader of BTS until today. Firstly, he had to unravel the tense between Jungkook, Jimin and Seul. The atmosphere between the four walls were suffocating him, and he could tell everyone felt the same. He held his breath for a long time before exhaling a deep sigh garnering everyone’s eyes on him “Alright. Let’s get thing straight” glancing at the maknae whom sat across him. Seul felt her heart being torn apart from this impromptu confrontation. To be frank, she was not ready to be questioned this way especially when it came to her and Jungkook status.

“Jung, is there something going on between you and Seul?” Namjoon probed. Gulping away her nervousness, Seul was being surrounded by a group of man who appeared to be very protective over the youngest member of their group. Yoongi looked like he was ready to swing his baseball bat and beat some shit outta Jungkook and Jimin. His eyes never left Seul ever since the scene at her workplace. Not that he cared, yet it was bothersome to be remembered by it. Learning the truth behind Jungkook’s disappearance at night stung his heart even more.

Jungkook is one step ahead him. Yoongi groaned in frustration.

Jungkook stammered “Seul and I…We became friends because I am their frequent customer there. I spent my time there to draw” he pressed his palms together searching for strength to face his members’ wrath.

“You become friends and as far as I am concern friends don’t kiss, that is too affectionate. What is the meaning behind those kiss? ” Jin leaned his back on the seat, tilting his head to take a good look of Seul expression. Now that they had came to this, he feared to hear the truth.

Jungkook and Seul relationship would be the beginning or the end of him.

Chewing her chapped lips, Seul fingers fidgeted unconsciously at the end of her pink sweater. Her rapid breathing was drawing Hoseok attention who appeared to sit just beside her, he leaned over whispering softly “Are you okay Seul? You don’t look good” his voice was as soft as his sunny smile. It managed to calm her down a little.

She nodded, squishing her eyes tight for a moment before opened it again only to be welcomed by Hoseok’s round eyes “I can manage this, thank you Hoseok” she flashed a weak smile. He returned to his seat with a small smile and gave his attention on Jungkook and Namjoon.

“What I know it was not a mistake. Those kisses are real. I…like Seul” Jungkook’s confession earned different reaction from the floor. Some were scoffing away, some were too dumbfounded to even react, and some were stayed frozen in their seat shooting Jungkook a judgemental look. That was not definitely in their dictionary. What changed Jungkook to be this confident and super determined of his own feelings?

Jungkook’s eyes met Seul confused one, making Jimin rolled his eyes in his seat. Salty Park Jimin about to open his mouth to say something, but his fellow 95 liner friend already jumped in “Do you see her as a woman, Jungkook? Someone that you wish to own” upon hearing Taehyung’s last word, Seul blushed madly. The thought of being owned by someone never occurred to her some more, the person is a member from famous idols of the century. Crazy as it sound Seul couldn’t stop her heart from making weird noise inside.

They only needed one nod from Jungkook to confirm everything, so they could make sense out from this situation. Jungkook had never been so open to them when it came to his own feelings. To witness the younger guy being bluntly honest about his inner feeling gave some sense of relief to the hyungs. Over the years Jungkook was known to be very introvert and he did not talk to strangers unless he felt comfortable with them. Jungkook had few friends in the industry like GOT7’s Yugyeom and Seventeen’s Mingyu yet it did not stop him to get out from his comfort zone. Part of them were grateful of his feeling for Seul, it was a good start for Jungkook to be more open to other options in life. However, it also worrisome considering it involved commitment and serious relationship.

Each of the members had a mixed feeling about this Jungkook liking Seul thing. To break it down, Namjoon main concerned was whether this relationship Jungkook plan to have with Seul is healthy. After his failed relationship with Hyemi, he did not want others to experience the pain of losing someone whom he thought important in life only to be left hanging without words. Not to mention as a leader and a brother of Jungkook, he did not want Jungkook to get hurt. Relationship involved commitment, was Jungkook ready to carry the burden on his shoulder?

Kim Seokjin. He was neutral. People couldn’t read through him as he always appears optimistic and positive to everyone. Internally he’s suffering from the confession. He did show his interest on Seul because their friendship started off pretty normal that involved no fight. Nowadays, Seokjin enjoyed Seul’s presence around him apart from his 92-line squad and his game squad, Jin had Seul to listen the worries that he had whenever he couldn’t talk it out with his members or other friends. Seul is a good listener. As he learnt that one of the members revealed his feeling openly to Seul, was this a sign to back off before things got complicated later on?

When it came to Hoseok, this was his second-time meeting Seul so he did not have any issues with her. He knew Seul was a nice girl and worth to be loved by many. She deserved all the love from the world. If there’s one thing that bothered Hoseok would be her genuine intention in befriending them. Not that Hoseok wanted to question her integrity, but the world is a scary place. They could not just bluntly trust people that they barely knew especially Seul. Even though she’s a daughter of Mrs Hwang their original caretaker whom treated them like their own son these past few years, they shouldn’t depend on that one factor only. It was a matter of fact that people could be toxic without they realized, just like Son Hyemi.

Sitting with his mouth sealed tight on the armrest was Taehyung. His expression did not give away any worries or emotions pertaining to this issue, but he still found it a little over the top for his sane mind to comprehend. Without doubt, he was attracted of Seul at first place became the reason why he snapped her picture and kept it on his night stand. That small crush that he had for Seul was still unclear, it needed to be shaped. Considering things had changed now, would it be better for him to eradicate this small crush he had for Seul before it became contagious to his heart? He did not want any heartbreak in the future wasn’t he.

Jimin on the other hand looked distressed in his seat. His protective instinct for Jungkook earlier on was soon replaced by annoyance. Annoyance of his own discomfort to the idea of there was another guy liking Seul and it happened to be Jungkook. The only difference between them, Jungkook had guts to sort his feeling out when he didn’t. That Jimin saw Seul more than just a friend was evident. But he refused to conform to the reality of life. It was a reticent, very private feeling which he had no intention to reveal just yet.

Yoongi was complicating things around him and his true feelings that he had for Seul. Everyone could literally see how possessive he was over Seul, yet he denied that fact at all cost. The fact that he used revenge to steal kisses from Seul, Yoongi was actually trying to confirm his own feeling. At first, he assumed it was a mere admiration towards Seul’s sassiness however it turned into something deeper not long after. He was dragging himself down into the deepest pit of the dark hole in his heart. Wanting to escape, yet he failed. As a result, Yoongi came out pretty hard and aggressive on Seul even though he wasn’t intended to hurt her. It came out neutral because he was not ready to embrace the truth. The truth might hit him a little hard on his face, so Yoongi was afraid to take the risk. With this Jungkook thing, Yoongi realized he must do something about this before too late.

“So, answer him, do you see Seul as a woman or is it a mere admiration?” Jin broke the long silence desperate to hear the answer though he’s not really keen of listening to it.

Nodding with a soft sigh “I see her as a woman and I like her because she is Seul” that was enough to melt Seul’s heart again as blush crept up warming her cheeks. Why was she being weak again? Now since they had settled with Jungkook, seven pair of eyes landed on her. She was in deep shit.

“Seul, do you know Jungkook is Jungkook?” the leader raised his eyebrow in question.

“No, I don’t. He was wearing mask 24/7 how do you expect me to notice that is him?” her voice broke a little due to the intensity that she felt inside her.

Jimin found the chance to butt in with a sarcastic remark “Funny thing is, you are a fan. How can you not know Jungkook even from his eyes?” he glowered.

Seul looked so piss as she glared at Jimin “Funny thing, I am not Jungkook’s fan. Neither of you are my favourite. How do you expect me to remember your eyes when I messed up your faces and names” the corner of Yoongi’s lips were tugged into a smirk. Ji Seul makes a comeback, as expected. He complimented in his head admiring her sassiness.

Pursing his lips sulkily, Jimin shook his head giving up on his argument with Seul already. She was impossible to beat especially when it involved to defending herself. Seul always know what to say.

Namjoon continued “Alright. You have no idea it is Jungkook, so you befriend him. Both of you become friend and Jungkook apparently reveal his feelings for you. How about your feelings? Do you like Jungkook that way?” upon hearing that question, Seul turned pale.

Taehyung scrutinized her expression with so much interest trying to read through her but to no avail. Would it be possible that she did not see Jungkook more than a friend? A spark of hope lightens his heart a little. Taehyung was up for any possibility.

“I repeat, do you like Jungkook more than just a friend?” Namjoon pressed. He was acting like a father-in-law making other cringe in their seat. Yoongi small eyes were watching Seul every little move, causing her to shift uncomfortably under his hard gaze. This did not work at all. She did not have the answers with her. Everything happened too fast.

Seul heaved a heavy sigh “I don’t know. I am not sure. My feelings for Jungkook are still ambiguous, I can’t exactly tell whether it is more than just a friend. It is still too early to decide it, I am sorry Jungkook” she threw an apologetic look at Jungkook.

He felt a heavy tug on his heart, but he managed to pull a soft smile on his face “Don’t be sorry Seul. I told you I don’t want to push you, we can still work on this” Seul bit her lower lips, lowering her gaze shyly. Jungkook would not give up on his feeling for Seul that easily. It took a lot of courage to embrace this new side of him, to give up on it just like that would be a waste.

“Someone got friend zoned” Hoseok joked to light up the mood.

“I AM NOT-“ “SHE ISNT-“ they were surprised to see Jungkook and Seul perfect timing. Seul’s cheeks turned into fifty shades of red realizing she was indirectly admitting to the fact that she was interested in Jungkook as well though she needed time to figure it out.

“You are reconsidering Jungkook’s feelings?” Taehyung’s eyes glimmered in curiosity.

Jungkook rubbed his neck, holding back his bunny smile “Yes I am. I need time. I am not used to this” Seul mumbled timidly. Jimin was hurt by her answers, now it was obvious Seul might end up liking Jungkook for real is he didn’t do anything about it.  What should he do again to fix this mess that he created?

“But, that doesn’t mean you have confirmed your true feelings for Jungkook right?” Yoongi’s hoarse voice baffled everyone. The older guy had chosen to keep his mouth shut all the time, hence to hear something coming from him was intimidating. Because after all, though Yoongi did not say it aloud about his feeling for Seul, all of them knew that guy had a thing for her. Jungkook realized it too. He had been stealing glance at Yoongi during their conversation, and his attention was on Seul most of the time.

Jungkook was not alone in this complicated battle. With Yoongi came into the picture, Jungkook was mentally ready to fight healthily.

“We can say that” not letting Yoongi’s stare penetrated her heart, Seul avoided his gaze at all cost.

Smiling with full of gratification, Yoongi arose from his seat “Then this conversation is over. That is all I need to hear” he gave one final look at Seul sending chill down her spine. She watched his body disappeared behind the door to his room leaving only six members around her.

“I am leaving too” muttering lowly, Jimin left the scene without saying much as Hoseok decided to tail him. He sensed something was wrong with Jimin, so he excused himself to investigate further. Taehyung followed not long after “I will see you later Seul..” he smiled warmly making his way stealthily to his room.

Jin was contemplating whether to be honest about his discomfort, in the end he chose to just shut it and give it a long thought before expressing it out. “Seul just stay over tonight, it is late. We don’t want you to walk in the dark alone. I will prepare the room for you” Jin stood up leaving the scene giving Seul no chance to protest. She grunted softly under her breath refusing the idea of staying over there today. Bad start.

Confused, Namjoon ran his fingers in his lock accompanied by a soft hum “Jungkook can you give us space? I need to talk with Seul alone” he turned to the younger guy that immediately nod with a small sigh.

Seul looked up with a small smile “Thank you Jungkook. Go rest” her sincerity made Jungkook fall head over heels for her again. A simple attention from Seul managed to crush another wall inside him, he craved for it.

“You too, see you in the morning. I hope. Good night Seul” his steps were heavy, even though this issue was settled due to the long talk, it still makes him nervous. After making sure Jungkook was nowhere to be seen around them, Namjoon shifted his attention back on the drained girl in front of him. His heart softened as his eyes landed on Seul’s distressed face.  

“Seul-ah I won’t stop you or Jungkook. It is up to both of you to decide. Remember, if you hurt Jungkook you will have to face me. Do not give him a false hope even though it is okay for both of you to consider the options in front of you. I don’t want to see Jungkook broken-hearted”

“And, I have to warn you before things get out of hand. It is not just Jungkook’s feelings matter in this but others too. I can see another person in the room who actually like you just as much” Seul blinked with an unreadable expression.

“What do you mean by that” she retorted in disbelief. Did Namjoon just imply there were other BTS members liking her other than Jungkook? How was this even real? Seul felt so unreal at the moment. The impossibility only happened in dramas or movies. Since this occurred to her, she had no idea how to react to it.

Namjoon pressed his lips into thin line “You will find out soon. I am not the one who should tell you that. Just, make sure to not hurt anyone or yourself Seul-ah. Love is a scary thing. It is complicated. You can’t stop your feelings from loving someone, so give it a chance. Give the person a chance. Then you decide” he hinted.

“I am sorry Namjoon for causing this mess. I hope you are not being too hard on Jimin, he is right to doubt me. You guys barely knew me, so I understood Jimin. Even though part of me wanted to hit him hard for calling me a bitch. How dare he called me that” she grinded her teeth showing of her resentment over Jimin’s choice of word.

Chuckling softly, Namjoon nodded with an amused face “Don’t worry about Jimin. We fought a lot, then we made up the next day. This was nothing. Forgive Jimin and his foul mouth, he could be a little too vulgar when he got angry”

“He is protecting Jungkook that is normal. Your bonds are too strong even I couldn’t break that. I am glad Jimin decided to cuss at me instead of letting it slip off from his mind. That shows how much he cared for his members” she threw the compliments earnestly. It was true, it offended her, but she tried to see the bigger picture of it.

Namjoon had a proud smile on his face to hear someone admiring their brotherhood. It made him realized their bonds were no joke and he mentally agreed to Seul’s words. The tense in the room was diminishing and Seul finally able to breathe normally. Jin approached the two “The room is ready Seul, you should rest. I have prepared clean sweat and shirt on the bed for you to change. Don’t worry it is new, wear it” he beamed.

“Can i… not stay? This is uncomfortable” she murmured.

“What nonsense is that. No way, it is 4 in the morning. Just stay, we won’t let you go home at this time” Namjoon voice was stern and dominating. No wonder he’s the leader.

Seul eyes quivered uncomfortably, showing off her concern about the idea of a girl staying in an idol house “I don’t want to get caught by your manager, that would be bad. They have no idea about me replacing my mother” she tried to make up excuses to escape this place.

“We will be leaving around 10 for practice so, hyung won’t be here until the schedule. Don’t worry, leave before that” Jin showed no sign of giving up too, cornering the latter in process. “Just stay Seul, you don’t want to wear yourself out at work later. Go get some rest, the room is down the hall, just across Jimin and Hoseok” he gave a light pat on her head.

Seul finally gave in and nodded “Fine, I will stay just because I feel bad for what happened today. Thank you Jin. Good night both of you” she bid them a good night and made her way cautiously to the guest room.

Ji Seul, what will change after today. Seul made a mental note on it and decided to call it a day. She deserved a long rest after the therapy talk with Namjoon.

 --------------

Tossing her body under the duvet, Seul found it was hard to fall asleep. It must be due to the new surroundings, with that she sat up groggily leaving the queen size bed for a moment to get warm drinks for herself. The hallway was quiet and dead, and she was sure the boys were already asleep at this time.

Seul glanced at the clock on the wall and muttered “It is just 5, ugh” she hugged her body, dragging her lazy feet to the kitchen. She made herself a hot cocoa in hope after this she could shut her eyes for two hours before sun rose again.

As she was about to leave with a cup of cocoa in her hand, she saw light flooding out from the open door of one of the rooms. She walked silently towards the source of light making sure her feet on the ground did not produce any unwanted sound.  The room was a private lounge room for the boys to chill when they have times, it was decorated with music equipment at the corner, book shelves and a small purple billiard table. Across the book shelves there was a L-shape sofa to complete the room.

Seul peeked her head a little searching for familiar faces inside but only to be welcomed by an empty room. Straighten herself back to her original trance, she reached out for the switch light to turn it off. To her sheer surprise, a pair of hand wrapped securely around her wrist preventing her from moving. Startled, Seul’s eyes searched from the owner of the hand who stood few steps from her.

“Jimin…” she exhaled.

Jimin’s eyes looked sleepily and there were few strands of hair stuck out making him to appear super cute. To top that, he was wearing a cute blue pyjama with stars and moon design printed on it. Seul mentally judging Jimin’s appearance as well as trying to get a hold of herself from fangirling over this look.

“Can’t sleep?” he signalled the drinks in her hand with a flat smile.

“Yes.. do you want some I can make you one?” she offered.

Declining it politely, Jimin brought Seul’s hand down and looked at her way a little too intense. Her breath hitched in process like it was about to pop off any second by now “We can share” he suggested.

“Urm..Sure…” Jimin tugged her  hand softly, bringing her inside the room to the sofa. Both of them sat down awkwardly side by side, and it made her felt uneasy. Jimin held back his tongue finding a perfect word to start this conversation. He couldn’t sleep because the guilt was slowly eating him up. He had a hard time to get Seul out of his mind.

Licking his lower lips, Jimin fisted his pyjama stealing glance at Seul’s side profile that never ceased to amaze him. A soft smile crept on his face, but as soon as their eyes locked, it rendered him speechless. Words that came out from Seul’s mouth only went pass through him, his attention was on her soft lips. The stain of hot cocoa at the corner of her lips made his mind went wild for a moment. He had to urge to kiss her but quickly shrug the thought off from his mind.

“Jimin..I said, do you want to take a sip?” her brows quirked in confusion.

Jimin removed the mug from her hand and took a long sip of the hot drinks without looking at her. It was not his intention to have a weird thought on Seul, yet he couldn’t help but to think that way. His hand was shaking a little, and his grip on the mug was about to slip off but Seul fast reflex avoided any accident happen.

She sat the mug down on the coffee table, sending a worried glance at Jimin “Jimin are you alright?” she whispered. Seul touched his forehead with the back of her hand, flustering Jimin even more “I..am alright… Just cold…” he coughed away the lump on his throat.

“Do you want me to turn on the heater?” Seul was about to get up until she felt him holding her down not allowing her to move even an inch. She blushed at the closeness of their face and body. Watching her this up close caused uproar in his heart, his eyes travelled from her eyes to her cute nose down to her lips again.

Jimin ran his hand to her jaw, giving a soft trace around the skin that tingled her heart. She held back her own heavy breathing, letting her eyes roamed freely on Jimin’s face. He stroked his thumb over her lips, stroking it effortlessly slow caused the latter to mewl a little under his magic touch.

Seul was aware, she’s supposed to be upset of Jimin. They hadn’t talk about what happened at the café, and it was so wrong to be this close to each other. Where was the tense between them again? How could it diminish that easily?

Her eyes fluttered open upon feeling Jimin strong gaze on her, and she was indeed right. Jimin eyes sparked under the light, looking dashing as always even without his makeup. He would always appear beautiful in front of her. Resting his forehead against Seul, he murmured awfully low “Seul-ah..I am sorry..for everything” it surprised her once again. Wow, Jimin is full of surprise.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you or call you with those horrible names. I was protecting Jungkook and..myself I guess..It was hard to admit to my own feeling Seul-ah” he continued.

Protecting himself? Seul flinched.

Seul smiled meekly as her fingers unconsciously tangled with his free hand on his lap, fiddling around casually “I understand. And I want to apologize too. It is my fault that this happen. You have the right to question me, because I am a stranger. Just don’t call me bitch, I really hated it” her lower lips puckered out a little showing her protest.

Jimin’s soft chuckle ease the tension that she felt earlier with him “I need to control my anger next time. I am sorry that I vent it out on you. In fact, I have something to tell you Seul” Seul face fell with anticipation.

What else would she hear today?

“Seul-ah” he called out softly, sitting up straight.

For the umpteenth time today, Seul’s face started to lose its colour again.

Interlacing their hand together, Jimin took a deep breath before breaking the eerie silence again “Since it come to this, I will play it fair beside Jungkook” he professed.

“What do you mean by that” she looked at him clueless.

“I see you as a woman...”

“……..”

“I like you a lot Seul. More than you imagine. This feeling is torturing me” Seul lips quivered letting the emotions overflowed her. Then it hit him hard, so this was the thing that Namjoon hinted her earlier. Jimin was another someone in BTS who had similar feelings as Jungkook.

Seul squeaked “Jimin..I…don’t know, it is just-“ he hushed her, shaking his head slowly.

“Don’t… I want to play it fair as I mention. You don’t get to decide now. We will give this thing a time. I don’t mind, as long as you allow me to show my genuine feelings for you. Will you?”

“Jimin..I might not be worth fighting for” she looked down on their intertwined hands, giving him a soft squish.

He sighed “Yes you are. I deny my feelings enough Seul and I am not doing that again. It only hurts you and I. That is not worth it,  I am embracing my feelings that I have for you. Let me fight along with Jungkook” Seul heaved a tired sigh.

“I don’t want you to get hurt. I don’t want Jungkook to get hurt. What if, this only bring pain rather than happiness?” she expressed her worries. Even though, it was indeed true you couldn’t stop yourself from falling in love, but this issue was more than just that. It involved a lot of thing.

“We will manage that. I talked this out with Jungkook”

Her eyes rounded in sheer surprise “You did? When?” she inquired.

“Urm… as soon as the talk with Namjoon hyung ended. Jungkook is more than just a friend, he is my family. We talked about this. Seul, it is not like we plan to fall in love with the same person. It is coincidence. We will be able to manage this without hatred” Jimin convinced.

Seul needed a moment to decipher this whole thing. The idea of being in the middle of Jimin and Jungkook was so bad making her unsure of herself. If this only involved these two guys then it would be fine to her, but what if someone else resurfaced and professed the same thing, like Yoongi. She shrugged off the thought of the possibility being fight over again by another member.

“Jimin..I am not sure, I am scared of the future”

“Then lets live the present, that is important. Do not think about the future”

“At the end of the day, I will still have to choose” she protested.

“And when that day come, we will ready our heart Seul-ah. It is long way to go, do not let the future hold us back” he whispered, caressing her cheeks lovingly.

It never dawns on her to experience this kind of thing this year, what a mess. Did her decision to replace her mother as BTS Caretaker only to cause chaos rather than promoting peace?

Seul sighed, resting her head against his shoulder seeking for comfort and warmth. This thing was draining her energy, she felt numb. Jimin wrapped his arm automatically around her shoulder, bringing her close to his chest “I am sorry if this is too much for you to handle Seul” he rubbed his arm, planting soft kiss on top of her head.

Curling up in his embrace, Seul buried her face at the crook of his neck, inhaling his sweet manly scent “I am sorry that I can’t give both of you the answer that you want” she mumbled against his skin.

“Why are you sorry? We don’t need the answers now, we only need your presence around us. That is enough” he soothed his lock, smiling ear to ear at their close proximity. He had been dreaming doing this thing with Seul, having her in her arms and cuddling on the sofa. It felt unreal.

“Thank you Seul..”

“And what is that for?”

“For existing and allowing me to experience this”

Seul smiled to herself “That line is so cliché Jim. And, thank you for having that kind of feeling for me. ” he beamed. Jimin locked his arms around her tighter, nuzzling her hair in process. Whatever it takes, Jimin would never deny his true feelings anymore. He’s willing to see how far this could go. Only that he was not able to see what the future beholds, it never stops him.

Her lids started to grow heavy, and she found herself enjoying Jimin’s warmth around her. Was this a start of everything? She did question herself what change after today. Guess, Seul had to live with the fact that in one day she received two confessions from an unexpected male.

Her life was about to get interesting.

 -----------------

When Jimin woke up it was eight in the morning, they had cuddled on the couch and fallen asleep. Jimin smiled to himself admiring Seul’s sleeping face, he felt a warmth that he never experiences before. Seul looked exhausted and calm in his embrace. His moist lips landed on top of her head to get her to wake up.

Few minutes later, she roused herself and with her eyes perfectly shut, he could see her sweet smile on her face “Did we fell asleep here?” she stretched a little, burying her face shyly in his chest.

Jimin chuckled, stroking her back gently “Yes, but we did get a good sleep anyway” Seul nodded and sat up followed by Jimin afterwards. As soon as her eyes landed on Jimin’s morning hair, she giggled and leaned closer. Raking her fingers in his soft lock, she stroked it gently, fixing it a little while Jimin was too busy staring at her.

“There you are set to go” she exclaimed. Her chirpy voice lightens up his world, what a good way to start a new day. “Oh shoot, it is late I need to clean the house and prepare you guys breakfast. I hope Jin is not awake yet” she combed her hair getting ready to leave.

“You go out first I will come out later. You don’t want to be bombarded by questions this early” he pinched her nose. Scrunching her nose cutely, she gave in with the idea. Seul arose from her feet and as she was about to leave, she skipped quickly to his side.

Dazed Jimin gave her a questionable look, she closed the gap between them, planting a soft kiss on his cheek. He turned giddy over it and she heard her whisper “You said to give both of you a chance. So, I am giving both of you a chance. Good morning Jimin” with those last word, she skidded outside the room with a bright pink face.

Jimin buried himself once again under the soft blanket, letting himself fanboying over this small tingly feeling that he had this early. He would never regret his decision. Just like he said, he would only live the present for now. The future was still far ahead, anything could happen until then. If he worries the future now, it would be no fun in dealing with his every day’s life.

 ------------------

Jin blinked at the figure who just walked pass him and he called her out before she could disappear further “Seul, you are awake?” she jolted and turned to face Jin nervously.

“Are you awake already? I am so sorry, I overslept Jin. Let me prepare the breakfast!” she walked over to Jin with guilt.

“Hey don’t worry Seul. It is my duty. Today, I want you to eat my cooking. May I know why are you coming out from that way?” he blinked, taking a good look at Seul’s flushed face.

Seul rubbed her arms, trying to find perfect answers which did not sound suspicious “I couldn’t sleep yesterday. I stayed in the lounge until I fell asleep” Jin lips was formed into an ‘o’ shape with a bright smile.

“Good morning hyu-“Jimin cleared his throat realizing the older guy had woken up and was interrogating Seul. She cursed in her head in frustration when she heard Jimin’s voice boomed across the hall. That called for another trouble.

Jin eyed the two suspiciously “And why are you not in your room, may I ask?” he probed with a hint of jealousy.

“I…fall asleep in Jungkook’s room.. We got carried away and we really had a long talk” he lied. Jimin and Seul exchanged nervous glance as both of them felt their brain momentarily froze due to Jin’s sudden appearance this morning.

“Really? Hurm.. Okay then.. go wash up and wake up others” a sigh of relief escaped from their lips. Jin bought it and that was good enough. Fleeing from the scene, Jimin quickly entered his room before he could ask him more question.

Jin travelled his eyes to Seul “You too go wash up. I will prepare breakfast for us alright?” he hushed her out from his territory causing the girl to pout in protest. She complied to Jin’s request anyways because after all, he almost caught her red handed a few second ago. How awful would it be if Jin found out Jimin and her fell asleep on the couch together?

Everyone was in the dining room an hour later, and for some reason the thick atmosphere was no longer there. Instead, the breakfast turned out to be lively and filled with laughter from every corner. The boys made Seul felt comfortable and she was grateful none of them brought up the sensitive topic anymore. So, they had decided to follow the flow and not to pressure themselves over petty things. Since Jimin and Jungkook had decided to play it nicely, there was nothing to be worried off.

Hoseok on the other hand had the time of his life, goofing around with Seul which she enjoyed every second the guy cracked his silly jokes. In fact, Kim Taehyung also showed his silly side making everyone cringe at his randomness. Everyone had opened up to each other and to have Seul in the picture gave more colours to their already meaningful life. After breakfast, Seul cleaned up the place like she usually does but only this time the boys offered their hands to help.

No matter how much she insisted of doing it alone, they were all stubborn. They only allowed her to do the laundry and cleaned the living room and their private lounge. Namjoon ordered his members to clean their own room which they complied without any complain. Even for the lazy bum Jungkook, surprisingly he was the first one to finish off the cleaning. Therefore, he went to Seul helping her with the laundry.

She had given up to nag or show her protest, so she let the boy to help. In exchanged of that, Seul had a good chat with Jungkook. It felt better to have conversation with Jungkook without his mask on. This felt too real to be truth, but this guy was down to earth. Every Bangtan members was not as snobby as she thought they appeared to be. They were not just effortlessly beautiful, but they were kind and relatable.

Relatable, that was the perfect way to describe them.

After good one-hour spring cleaning with Bangtan, they were ready to leave for their practice. Seul too was getting ready to leave for work, she bowed showing off her gratitude for letting her stay over a day “Thank you for letting me stay” she smiled.

“Need I to remind you this is your workplace too. Don’t be formal. We are glad to have you around” Jin ruffled her hair only to receive a low protest from Seul. She shot him a glare for messing up her hair. Jin raised his hand in defeat and shrugged.

“It is fun to clean the dorm with you Seul. Will we be able to meet you again next time?” Taehyung had a big fat smile across his face causing to squeal over his cuteness. “Of course, there will always be next time” she jabbed his arm playfully.

“Leave before your manager come up hunting you down. Have a good day ahead everyone” she waved as she watched one by one of them leaving. Jungkook gave her a brief hug with a wink, causing her to blush instantly.

She deadpanned mentally, trying to get used to his affection towards him.

Yoongi was fall behind and the sight in front of him, annoyed him to the core. He shoved his hand in his pocket pulling out a small paper resembled the sticky note. Scrutinizing his straight face, Seul looked down on her hand when he slipped the note on her palm.

“What is this?”

“Tomorrow, 4PM. Bungee jumping. It is a date” he dashed off without saying more. Seul gawked not believing what she just heard few seconds ago. Did Yoongi just ask her out for a date? It came to her realization; the small note was an admission ticket to the bungee jumping thing.

Does it mean, it isn’t just Jimin. Yoongi too? She grunted under her sharp breath. Seul was making sense out of this again. How was it possible to have three guys chasing after her fragile heart?

   This work belongs to  Chimswae © 2020. All Rights Reserved

[ladylillianrose]

Episode 13 Thoughts/Reactions While Watching

Spoilers under the cut

Does it suck that Selin got dumped on her wedding day? Yes it does. But I'm still proud of Ferit for deciding he is worth someone who loves only him.

"Secret handcuffs between us" omg I love it! 🤣🤣🥰🥰⛓

"To be honest I cannot part from you" *swoon*😍😍

"Sometimes love isn't enough," Eda girl what are you saying? Don't be thinking like that!

I love that he doesn't want to hide their relationship from everyone. He wants to proudly show the world that he is in love with an amazing, beautiful, talented and intelligent woman.

"Let it burn, chaos is good, it will make us stronger." This is so not the same Serkan from the beginning! She has changed him so so much and I love it!

But be wary of the chaos you so willingly embrace Serkan!

Ahhh thank goodness the girls know now! And they're all so happy for her!!!

Also Melo even knowing that Sirius missing her was just Serkan's excuse is adorable and I want her to tease him about that at some point lol!

Makes me miss my girlfriends!!😭😭🥰🥰

Eda! Just tell her!!!

I love that we are seeing more of Serkan spending time in his study in casual clothes. It's a more intimate look at home, surrounded by all his space stuff.

I understand Selin wanting to start a new life and get rid if her shares, but she should have spoken to Alptekin about it, sold him and Serkan the shares. Instead she sold it to a stranger.😡😡

The Head and Shoulders spots never cease to make me giggle. 🧴🚿

Glad that Aydan is realizing Eda's worth. Knowing she intentionally treated her poorly and Eda rose above it.

Ooo Serkan not pulling his punches! He is not wrong that this is what hes been saying for months. And ouch at the bringing up his brother and the past when he was sent off. These are clearly still raw subjects and memories for him.😢😢

Oofff I feel for Aydan on that moment. So frustrated with herself that even as Alpyekin is being taken to the hospital she cant leave to go with him.😢😢

The fact that Eda can tell something is wrong from just a few words.❤❤😢😢

Also Alptekin's heart problem is hitting close to home (my dad just had 4 stints put in his heart last month, one artery was 99% blocked and another was 98% blocked, his was from genetics not diet/exercise). So I really feel for Serkan dealing with everythimg and still feeling helpless/unable to do anything.😢😢😢❤❤❤

Have I mentioned how much I love Leyla? I love that she hugged him,and even though he didn't return the hug, you know that Serkan was touched.🥰🥰🥰🥰

Gossip lines all through the office! That was quick!

Serkan asking for help from them and Leyla and Erdem being shocked lmao 🤣🤣

Oh shit I forgot that Ferit was the one to set up the whole thing with Efe. So of course he would be there/around.

I'm still on Ferit's side having broken things off. I wish he had done it earlier, even minutes before the wedding would have been better than when they were all watching. But it took him until that moment to realize what he didnt want.

Lmao Efe would drive a fancy flashy red car. And of course be the opposite style boss of Serkan. 🚘

Oh Melo, maybe you can have him, keep him away from Eda and Serkan.

Aydan making Seyfi dig up all the info on Eda. And Seyfi being all team Eda

Oooo 6 months is a long time to put up with Efe and Ferit. Poor Serkan!

Lmao Melo is on a roll today! Calling Erdem out on his dating app lies to Fifi, and telling Leyla to back off the assistant position cause its hers lol!

Shit I didnt realize Ferit's shares came directly from Alptekin/Serkan's. Damn that splits it into two teams there.

"I cant breathe here without you." And "I'll be the air for you whenever you want" ugh these two romantics.😍😍😍😍

I love that Ayfer knows enough about Aydan to check on her. And that Aydan was touched by her being the only one to do so. They'll be friends that snipe at each other by the end I'm sure.

But OMG I'm dying at Aydan spilling the beans lmfao! The two of them being hysterical together is hilarious. 🤣🤣🤣

Oooo Eda you are in so much trouble with Ayfer!

Serkan giving Eda the chance to work with Efe cause he knows that she is an admirer of his work as well as he knows how talented Eda is. That love and trust!!!

Seyfi and his love for Eda and Edser!

Also Aydans reaction to the handcuffs, priceless. 🤯🤯

Awww yay Ferit and Ceren! They both deserve someone who loves them!!

Yaass Jealous Serkan reappears! Serkan you are not subtle, Efe definitely knows something is going on  between you and Eda!🤣🤣😍😍

I love that not only was Serkan willing to talk, but then made her promise that they still would since the meeting interrupted them.

Aydan is going to smother Alptekin with her caring and attention!

A sweet romantic lunch for two in the office, Serkan you romantic robot! 🤖❤

And saying the office will find out soon enough anyway!!

And he ordered her food she loves, and that he won't eat!🥰

Omg Eda feeding him fries lmao! Fries are impossible to resist Serkan! 🍟❤

Lmfao all the doors open! He's keeping an eye on Efe and Eda!

Serkan is just so romantic with his "how are you real?" And wanting to just runaway and have it be only the two of them, three if you count Sirius! (My romantic husband has often suggested running away just us two, and the cat of course. It is always a tempting offer).

Serkan telling his parents is gold. He is so matter of fact and straight forward. Saying he wants things to happen fast.

"A womans dreams should not be limited to a man." Ayfer isnt wrong, but in Eda and Serkan's case, Serkan has been supportive of her dreams every step of the way!

Ooo Aydan and Ayfer plotting together lmao that's just trouble there. Eda and Serkan are too stubborn to be swayed by your ploys!

Lmao at Serkan saying "Even the cats run away!" With the cats loudly meowing.😹😹😹

His don't leave me grip on her hand lol. Good lord Ayfer that list lmao. He would have been doing some of it anyway just by being around. But him confirming that he will do whatever she wants him to, for Eda *swoon*❤❤

The comment about it being obvious that she's Eda's aunt lol

Poor Serkan will never get a kiss or hug with Ayfer blocking him! Ayfer you are making all of us suffer!!

Shaking Eda's hand and saying goodbye to the cats, priceless 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Awwww asking Eda to send photos of herself to him because he doesnt have them on his phone.🥰🥰🥰

"Then you are only mine," damn Serkan! 🔥🔥🔥🥵🥵🥵🥵

Ahh the old "here are all these ridiculous events that I will make you do, to prove that you couldnt hack it as a society wife," ploy.

Serkan will likely put his foot down on some of Aydan's demands, just as Eda will with some of Ayfer's demands.

Oh Erdem let's see how this plays out.

Efe I dont trust you, and Ferit stop giving him all the inside info!!

Serkan walking in holding Eda's hand! 🤖❤

Lmfao at Piril calling Engin and yelling at his voicemail that even Robot Serkan comes in holding his love's hand. I'm dying!!

Leyla telling Serkan she still wants to work for him. He may not openly demonstrate affection for his employees but he takes care of them where it counts (I've never had a boss care about me or my family like that). ❤❤❤

He's just more introverted and quiet in how he shows affection (which is what makes his love with Eda so important and different. He's going outside his comfort zone for her!)

That's 2 Leyla hugging Serkan moments!!!!🥰🥰

Piril isnt wrong about needing to do all or nothing with the project. She's blunt of course but it's the truth.

I dont think Efe is lying when he talks about Eda's talent,  but he is laying it on a bit thick. 🙄🙄

Oh Eda you are letting everyone elses talk get to you! Dont listen to them! You know Serkan supports and loves you!!

Erdem you are in for it now with Fifi!

Damn those curtains!! Also it appears to be very very windy there lmao 🌬

Why is Engin in the police station lol! (I know that Anil wasn't feeling well so they had to come up with an excuse, but the police Station really?)🤣🤣

Omg Serkan you're going to make me and Eda cry! You got a house and an office?! And talking about eating her favorite ice cream and going to the libraries (be still my heart, that's how you get me too,ice cream and libraries!).😍😍😍😍😍😍

"I cannot live without you" *swoons* 😍😍

Ummm why do I suspect that Efe is working for Eda's Grandmother? Because that didnt sound like an "okay team, come on over" call. That was a "the pieces are in place, we await your move" phone call. Eda may not want revenge,  but Grandma probably does. 🔪🔪♟♟

Oh God I cant handle Serkan crying! 😭😭😭😭

And he has to tell Eda, he cant keep this from her, and God it's tearing him up knowing that it's his family's fault her parents died.😢😢😢

[pikachu78109]

How you think the gym leaders would go about comforting a bestie or an s/o who’s feeling real stressed & depressed

Thanks for the question☺️

Alright, there are seven Gym Leaders in total or nine if you include Bea and Gordie (I played Shield), so this will be pretty long! Get ready!

Milo

Milo is a supportive guy and would go to the ends of the Earth to make sure that his s/o is okay. Need a hug? He’ll give his s/o all the cuddles! Need some Wooloo support? He’s got his s/o covered! Milo is the kind of person whose very genuine and very gentle with his s/o, always encouraging and always a sweetheart!

Nessa

Nessa is sort of like Milo, only her support is more soothing and relaxing. She’ll take her s/o’s thoughts and worries into account and will do her best to make them seem less stressful. A nice swim in Hulbury’s bay or inside her Gym can always lift any bad vibes up and Nessa will absolutely take her s/o our to eat as a special treat afterwards!

Kabu

As a spirited elder, Kabu treats his young Gym Challengers with respect, but also pushes them to their absolute limit. So when he sees one of his Gym Challengers looking down or feeling nervous about the upcoming match, Kabu will send a positive, motivating cheer their way. He wants to make sure that each Gym Challenger is feeling pumped, excited, and more importantly confident when taking him on!

Allister

The shy cinnamon roll understands his s/o’s worries and wants to help out as much as he can. Though timid and often wanting to be more supportive, Allister treats his s/o to the local sweets shop and there the two of them can talk. Normally, Allister would usually just talk to his s/o, listening and just being there when his s/o needs it the most. He’ll even take off his mask to look at his s/o face to face directly, because he wants to show that he cares deeply about them without the mask getting in the way of such genuine expression.

Bea

As a tough Gym Leader, Bea isn’t one who knows exactly what to do when her s/o is feeling stressed or worried. She’s too stoic and she herself worries that her stoicism has been affecting her partner in a negative, thus causing them to feel this certain way. So, stepping out of her comfort zone, Bea will show more affection by hugging her s/o tightly and offer words of encouragement or just say how much she loves them. Bea is the type of person who doesn’t always openly express her feelings, but for her s/o, she makes the effort and does show understanding.

Opal & Bede

This is a rather...different scenario. Whereas Opal can quiz her Gym Challengers to the ends of the Earth and mess with them by lowering their teams stats if they answe question incorrectly (even though the questions as times are vague as sh*t), there will be a rare occasion where she shows a little mercy. Gym Challengers who experience the true nature of Fairy type Pokémon always have some sort of worries, which Opal can understand. She does comfort them and tells them to believe in their Pokémon, because going into her Gym all flustered and stressed out would do them no good. She’s all about competitive spirit and wants her Gym Challenger to feel competitve too.

As for Bede, he’s sort of like Opal too, in a sense that he himself does give some reassurance and tries to combat his Gym Challenger’s worries by telling them to believe in their Pokémon. However, Bede will also take time out and just chat with them. Unlike Opal, Bede is young and can show a lot more mercy to the Gym Challengers. Though he is new to the Gym Leader position, Bede takes his new duty seriously and wants to make sure that his Gym Challengers are prepared and ready to go all out.

Melony & Gordie

As a mother, Melony act in both ways. She’s nurturing and supportive, but on the other side, she’s tough and has high expectations for her Gym Challengers. However, if before a match if a Gym Challenger is feeling stressed or worried, she’ll revert back to her motherly side and comfort them warmly. As a user of Ice types, Melony is warm and inviting and genuinely does care about her Gym Challengers as if they were her own children.

For Gordie, he’s the complete opposite. Unlike his mother, Gordie doesn’t exude much warmth, but he wants to hype his Gym Challengers up with a lot of motivation. He doesn’t like to see his Gym Challengers feel nervous or stressed out, rather he will encourage the hell of his Challengers and tells them that they ‘rock’ for making it all the way to him through their own efforts!

Piers

Though his Gym matches lack any audience or any Dynamaxing, Piers is still a good Gym Leader. He’s more focused on his music and with Team Yell than actually giving a proper battle. Though that said, if his s/o is feeling down or a bit nervous, the dude will sing them a song to lift them up and Team Yell will probably give them a cheer. Piers, though completely dead on the outside, he radiates a lot of love and his songs show it! All he wants is that his s/o to have a fun time without any worries in the world holding them back.

Raihan

Selfie’s aside, Raihan knows when to put his Rotom phone down and give his s/o some attention. If they were feeling stressed or worried about something, Raihan will comfort them by hugging or cuddling them while talking it out. Raihan loves physical affection and he will take time out from battling and taking selfies with his fans to make sure that his s/o is feeling better. He loves them and wants to make sure they are at their best!

[hello-rosette-blog]

wonwoo ; tattoo artist!au

due to all the talk about wonwoo visiting a tattoo shop, i came up with this! hope you enjoy it, bubs!

you had been working at your new job for several weeks now. being a tattoo artist wasn’t the dream occupation you had when you were five years old, but living it now, you realized that you truly enjoyed what you did. it was a platform for your creativity, and the people you met and work with were great company to be around.

one day, you went to work as usual. you did several customers, inking them in your usual spot by the tattoo shop’s gigantic window. the sunlight streaming in helped you focus, and if it happened to be a cloudy day, the rain was soothing to listen to while you worked. you were almost finished with a customer’s tattoo of a lightning when jeonghan, the attractive receptionist, came over.

“y/n, you’ve got a new one right after this,” he informed with a smirk.

“but it’s lunch break after this,” you pointed out with a small huff. you were hoping to take some rest after dealing with customers and being hunched over in concentration for a few hours. however, upon seeing jeonghan’s features, you raised a brow. “what’s with the smirk?”

“oh, nothing,” jeonghan brushed off, before repeating the words of their boss. “customers always come first. but i’ll extend your lunch break and have minghao cover for you.”

“thanks, hannie.” you flashed him a grateful smile. you finished up with the customer, said goodbye to her, and tidied your station for the new one to arrive.

“uhm, hello?” a deep voice called out.

you looked up from arranging your supplies. your jaw nearly dropped, and you couldn’t mask your wonder. the man who entered was possibly one of the most handsome people you’d ever seen. he had narrow eyes, a sharp jawline, a flop of dark, fluffy black tresses. he was incredibly tall, and from your seated position, he made your station look so little. but he had a timid, hesitant smile, and it was nice to look at.

“hello,” you greeted brightly. it was important to be as cheerful and welcoming as possible to the customers, especially if it were their first tattoo appointment. it helped decrease their nervousness. “i’m y/n. i’m your tattoo artist for today. please, have a seat.”

you motioned for the man to sit down on a large lounging chair between you. he did as suggested and placed his arms on either side of the chair handle. “i’m wonwoo,” he said in his deep voice, which didn’t match his soft-looking visage. he stared at you with certainty, though his smile was still a bit shy. “it’s nice to meet you.”

“likewise.” you smiled at him, and you found your heart beating a tad quicker when his smile broadened in response. “so, wonwoo, is this your first time getting a tattoo?”

“mhm,” he hummed. “i’m normally not the adventurous type, but i decided to get one.”

you were intrigued. as you prepared the necessary tools, you questioned, “oh, why the sudden change of heart?”

wonwoo stayed quiet before chuckling to himself. “just a special reason.”

you knew where this was going. there weren’t a few of your customers who came in for inking just for the sake of impressing someone. “a special someone, more precisely?” you ventured a guess.

“maybe. i don’t know yet,” wonwoo quizzically replied. at the confused expression on your face, he laughed, a high-toned laugh that made his nose scrunch and his eyes disappear. it was a laugh that made your chest warm, despite your bafflement.

“maybe you’ll know after you get this tattoo,” you said with a shrug. “speaking of which, what kind of design do you want to get?”

wonwoo pressed a finger to his lips as he contemplated. “i want it to be words. but i don’t know what kind of font that goes well with it.”

“luckily, i got that covered.” you excitedly reached for your portfolio of tattoo fonts and showed it to wonwoo. “you can choose what you like from here. it’s got every option in the books, so take your time.”

as wonwoo flipped through the pages, you provided some opinion and suggestions, which he took in openly. you liked seeing the way his eyes was full of concentration, his brows knitted, his lips pursed. you spent more time gazing at him than at the portfolio, and you wished he wouldn’t realize that. once he picked a font, you set out to work.

“does it hurt?” he asked, and you detected a hint of fear in his voice.

“a little,” you said, giving him a reassuring smile. “if it hurts too much, just tell me, and i’ll help in any way i can.”

“i have a feeling it won’t hurt since it’s you,” he said with a smile, and your heart skipped a beat. blush was creeping over your cheeks, so you hid them by looking down at his hand and setting out to work on the tattoo on the inside of his wrist.

throughout the whole ordeal, you were professional, checking with wonwoo about every little detail. but at the same time, the lines blurred and became much more personal. wonwoo said that his tattoo was inspired by his hobby of reading books. he worked at a nearby library and spent most of the day burying his nose in pages. he dreamed of being a writer or a professor, and he was writing his own novel and applying for a master’s degree. his fervor and sincerity impressed you, and you were attracted to how courageous he was to pursue his dreams. despite his taciturn demeanor, you knew that he was all fire burning with passion for what he loved, coupled with a determined will to get whatever it was he wanted.

you also shared tidbits about your life. you had always been fascinated with art, and you considered it a way to express things you couldn’t put into words. it was a liberating act for you, and as he darted his gaze around your station, he complimented the pictures of tattoo arts that you had done. it made you swell with pride and newfound affection for this man, this warm stranger with a beautiful smile. the flow of your conversation was natural and unforced, smooth and comfortable, interspersed with jokes and giggles and a bit of teasing. you had never felt more at ease with someone. wonwoo had the ability to make you feel wonderfully at home.

a few hours later, the tattoo was completed. the words ‘never stop learning’ were imprinted on the pale skin of his wrist in flamboyant curves and dips of pretty letters. “there you go. it didn’t hurt much, right?” you asked as you observed the result, making sure nothing was off.

“of course not. i trust you, y/n,” he stated, to which you beamed. “it looks perfect. thank you so much.”

“i hope your maybe-special someone is impressed when they see it,” you commented as you began cleaning your supplies.

wonwoo glued his gaze on his new tattoo and tilted his head to the side. “i think that someone is absolutely special to me now.”

he said it with so much vindication and sureness that it caught you off guard. how could he come to that conclusion so suddenly? you looked up, again finding yourself confused. “that’s strange. is it because the tattoo came out well?”

“no, no.” he shook his head. a smile appeared on his lips, and it was broad and joyful. “it’s because i finally had the courage to talk to you, and now i know how special you are.”

you blinked in shock. you opened your mouth to say something, but no words escaped. you? were you the one he had been referring to this whole time?

wonwoo watched your expression with amusement, but the shyness made its way back as he put out his confession. “i told you my library was near here, right? i always walk past this tattoo shop to and from there. every time, i see this beautiful tattoo artist working by the window, looking so skillful and talented. i became smitten instantly, really. i would catch glimpses of you smiling and laughing, and i would say to myself that today would be the day i go inside and approach you, but my confidence keeps failing me. until now. i specifically requested to the guy at front to get my tattoo done by you. if i had to do something impulsive and out of the ordinary like this, i wanted it to be by you, and for you.”

he was alternately glancing at you and at the tattoo as he spoke. all his self-assured charisma was stripped down to reveal this soft and loving side of him, and you had to take a few seconds to recognize that you were the one who was the cause of this. you were the one who was able to catch wonwoo’s attention, who was able to indirectly convince him to step out of his comfort zone, and that led him here, in front of you, asking for a tattoo and offering his heart.

“well,” you began, filling the void of silence with your quivering voice. “since you paid a visit here, i think i should pay a visit to your library. you can show me all your favorite books, and we can go get coffee together afterwards.”

wonwoo’s face lit up. his eyes brightened and his lips quirked upwards in a disbelieving grin, and you giggled to yourself, happy that you made him happy.

“i think you’re a special person to me too, wonwoo,” you continued. “i’d be happy to...” you tapped the tattoo on his wrist with your fingertip. “learn more about you.”

wonwoo’s grin was brilliant and everlasting, and your heart soared. you knew that this was the start of something special. this was the start of your forever.

[damienthepious]

yo pretend that it’s still fucking tuesday in my time zone. i only missed it by like fifteen minutes just be cool 

Toss and Turn In Undertow

[ao3] [companion piece to Keep Your Head Above The Blue]

[Fandom: The Penumbra Podcast (Second Citadel)

Relationship: Lord Arum/Sir Damien/Rilla

Characters: Lord Arum, Sir Damien, Rilla, The Keep

Additional Tags: Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Cuddling & Snuggling, Anxiety, Panic Attacks

Summary:  Sir Damien has a bit of a rough day. His flowers do their best to help.

Notes: Whoops, here I go projecting my mental health onto rad bouquet again! Sorry, Damien. Extra content warnings for some very… aggressively self-hating language. I will admit that this was at times unpleasant to write. Hope the stress is worth it <3<3 Name from a lyric in the song In Undertow, by Alvvays.]</small>

***

Sometimes the thrumming panic buries Damien. Sometimes, despite his best efforts, despite his prayers and the knowledge of a love buffeting him from two sides, he is consumed in the bleak, bitter echoes of his own mind. Mistakes in the past, mistakes he might make in the future, actions he should or should not have taken, opportunities he is missing and failures he is committing at this very moment, a thousand catastrophized possibilities of his own making-

Rilla knows the signs, even when Damien manages to keep from babbling his head off through the spiral. She knows the particular shallowness of his breathing and distance in his eyes when the worst parts of his mind take the reigns, knows how to take his hand and talk him down, or if the talking doesn’t work, how to sing and stroke his hair until his breathing comes easier, until he can hum along as well.

Arum is less practiced, but he’s almost better at recognizing when Damien is coming close to danger than Rilla is, which feels odd at first. Arum can hear his heartbeat from a short distance, and that is interesting for a number of unrelated reasons, but it also means that he can tell quickly if Damien is working himself up too fast. He also recognizes early on that he can’t just duel Damien every time he needs to pull him down from his dangerous highs of distress, though sparring is still enjoyable on occasion. The most effective method Arum lands on is to simply wrap all four arms and his tail around Damien, lift him into the air and squeeze. Just enough so that Damien can’t wriggle his way out, just enough so that the pressure feels- feels like something safe. That’s what makes it likely to work, Damien thinks. The physicality of it. An anchor in the world outside his own head, giving him no choice but to hang in the air and just breathe.

“I’m sorry,” he says, panting from the pressure and the panic and closing his eyes so he doesn’t have to see whatever expression of annoyance Arum might be wearing. “I am sorry I persist in- I am sorry to trouble you so.”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Arum mutters, close by Damien’s ear. “No apologies.”

He is only saying that to assuage Damien’s feelings, certainly. Damien can feel Arum’s heart beating from this close, a slow, sweet drumbeat he does not feel worthy to hear. “I know that my weakness of the mind must be frustrating, Lord Arum; you need not honey over your words for my sake-”

Arum squeezes him tighter for a moment, his tail coiling behind him as a low ticking growl rises in his chest. “Are you accusing me of deceit, honeysuckle?”

“No, no I merely-”

“Then you should trust when I say you need not apologize.”

“I know,” Damien says, ducking his head. “I know.” He pauses, biting his lip. “Yet I worry that I have caused you some irritation, and if so you could not be blamed for feeling-”

The growl in Arum’s chest pitches lower and louder for a moment and then he adjusts his grip on Damien, swinging his legs up until he’s carrying him in a way Damien can only think of as bridal style, which is entirely unhelpful to the roiling confused mess of his thoughts as he squeaks in protest. “I’ve had quite enough of that,” Arum says roughly as he starts a quick walk. “Keep, open the way to Amaryllis’ home, if you would.”

The portal opens ahead of them and Arum doesn’t even need to break stride until they’re through to Rilla’s front room, the wide flowerpot in the corner behind them curling with the Keep’s vines for a moment or two longer before they recede back into the dirt.

“Lord Arum,” Damien says breathlessly, “I must insist-”

“Amaryllis, I require your assistance,” Arum interrupts flatly.

Rilla steps out from the kitchen with a confused look, then darts across the space to pull the curtains closed. “Saints, Arum, you have to have the Keep warn me before you come through-”

“The poet is being unreasonable and you know better than I how to deal with him.”

“Excuse me-”

“Oh,” Rilla says, brow furrowing sympathetically. “Hard day, Damien?”

“No, of course not my love, it is really not so large an issue as-”

“What must I do,” Arum interrupts again, some of his worry bleeding through the edges of his flat tone, “to convince him that he is not some burden that needs be begged pardon for?”

“Oof,” Rilla says, stepping closer. “Hey, if you figure that one out, make sure you tell me about it first, because I’ve been trying to get that through his thick knightly skull for years now and it doesn’t seem to want to stick.”

Damien writhes in Arum’s arms, anxiety on every line of his face. “I don’t- it isn’t as if- I never said-”

His words dry up and he stills again when Rilla reaches out to cup the back of his head in her hand, drawing her fingers through his hair. “Damien. It’s okay.”

The combination- Arum steady and surrounding him with his arms and chest, Rilla on the other side with her hands gentle upon him, it’s soothing and pleasant and loving and Damien doesn’t deserve any of it. He has been nothing but an annoyance to the both of them lately, with his chaotic mind and his fears, and he is sure, so sure that he is damaging this relationship merely by being a part of it.

“S-stop,” he gasps, “oh, tranquility oh please, please- please put me- put me down, I can’t-”

Arum blinks at him in surprise and immediately, gently reorients Damien’s legs beneath him and sets him down, brow furrowed. “I apologize, I did not intend-”

“Don’t- don’t apologize,” Damien says, shaking his head viciously as he stumbles back, out of range of their gentle hands. “I am the one who- who keeps doing this-”

“Damien,” Arum says, concerned and confused, and Damien flinches and takes another large step away, fisting his hands at the sides of his head.

“I don’t know how the both of you tolerate me,” Damien hisses through clenched teeth, the hard thud of his heart making his chest feel tight and close and horrifying. “You are both brilliant and brave and you fit together with such glorious ease, with familiarity and humor and I am l-little more than a leech, a drain of affection and attention, and when you look at me like that- like that, with such unearned compassion, I know that I have manipulated you into feeling so softly towards me with my persistent, pathetic, pitiful writhing-”

“You think so little of us, honeysuckle?” Arum says, his head ducked and his expression so openly raw that Damien has to close his eyes against it for a moment.

“No,” Rilla says gently, reaching out to grip Arum’s wrist. “No, it’s not like that. Damien, Damien you need to breathe, okay?”

Damien shakes his head, but he still sucks in a quick sharp breath automatically. “See? Don’t you see?” He laughs in a shuddering, wild sort of way. “Your comfort is- it shows the compassion and beauty of your heart, my flower, but it is a grace of which I am entirely undeserving-”

“Breathe,” she says again, and Damien stops to gasp. “You aren’t being fair to yourself, Damien. Even if any of that were true, I love you because of who you are and how we are together, not because of anything to do with deserving. That’s not how love works.”

Arum watches this exchange, wary eyes darting between the pair of them as Damien shakes his head in denial.

“But you deserve so much better than myself, you deserve each other, such luminous beings as you are, and you certainly deserve better than me-”

“I deserve to love who I love, Damien,” she interrupts, “and I love you. I deserve to have a say in this relationship, and I say that I love you. And I’m gonna keep saying it, Damien. I’m gonna say it again and again until you believe me. I love you.”

“Why?” Damien cries, swinging his fists down from his head, leaving his arms to shake at his sides as he gives Rilla a tearful, horrified look. “Why? Why would you possibly love me? You are the most brilliant person I have ever known, and I am little more than a miserable-”

“If I started rattling off a list of reasons why I love you right this instant, Damien – and I do have an actual list, by the way - I know for a fact that it would just freak you out more, with the state you’re in.” Rilla raises her hands at her sides in a helpless gesture. “I want to help you. It hurts to see you like this, but I don’t know what to do, or where to start if you won’t believe the things I say.”

“But the two of you- your minds are as quick and sharp as knives which sharpen each other, and all I can be to you is a distraction, a desperate whining thing aching at your heels for affection and comfort. My own mind cannot match yours, it is little more than a nest of nettles within which my demons rest between their campaigns to devour me-

“Enough of- stop that.” Arum shakes his head, his frill flared partway in distress. “I cannot stand- I cannot abide you speaking of yourself so cruelly.”

Damien squeezes his fists, nails digging into his palms. “You, Lord Arum, have- have even less reason to give me your affection. I was nearly your murderer again and again-”

“And I yours,” Arum barks. “Are we not past that? Have those mistakes not long since been forgiven?” He sneers, but the expression slips away too quickly to be believable. “Or have you been harboring a secret grudge against me for my actions?”

“Of- of course I haven’t,” Damien nearly yelps, shaking his head again.

“Arum,” Rilla warns, squeezing his wrist. “I don’t think-”

“If he believes that I would care less for him because of the mistakes that we both made,” Arum says, “how can I not draw the conclusion that he expects this because it is how he feels about me?”

“Because that reasoning requires some if-then style logic and Damien and logic aren’t even in the same room right now, Arum.”

Arum blinks, then glances at Damien, whose breaths are growing worryingly quick, whose body language is screaming danger as clearly as a blaring horn. Arum slips his hand down slightly, gripping the hand Rilla had wrapped around his wrist, and presses another hand over his own mouth. “Ah… have- have I made things worse?” he hisses low, eyes flicking between his humans again.

“Hard to say,” Rilla murmurs, but the wry tilt of her mouth says, it certainly didn’t help, and Arum winces.

“I-” Damien presses a hand hard against his collarbone, clenching the other tight at his side. “I know that this- that I am- that I am only making things worse, I know that, so I don’t understand why- why you- why you even want to keep me beside you-”

“Breathe,” Arum says at the same moment Rilla says the same, and she squeezes his hand as he continues, “honeysuckle, you are not thinking clearly.”

“I am thinking without sentimentality,” Damien snarls, “for once. The two of you- this relationship would be better without my presence stunting and frustrating and causing strife-”

“You think our relationship would be better without you?” Arum wrinkles his snout, stiffening in horror. “The balance we strike is the three of us together, honeysuckle. I fit between you, as you fit between us, as she fits between you and I. This relationship would not exist without you.”

“Wretched whining thing,” Damien mutters, apparently to himself. “See how you distress them? See the ills you cause?”

Rilla exhales, brow furrowed in worry, and Arum’s heart lurches for the both of them. He takes a shaky breath of his own and Damien continues to mutter abuse at himself, arms wrapped around his own chest in a parody of a hug.

“I love you,” Arum says at last, quietly, and Damien startles like a deer, going dead-still and looking at the monster with wide eyes.

This is not the first time Arum has said this, to Damien or to Rilla, but it is still new enough that it feels like something precious, something to be handled with care. Arum has so far reserved such words for moments of safety, moments in embrace, in the darkness of a shared bed and the warmth of their arms. So for him to offer them now, in the daylight, standing and facing Damien from across the whole distance of Rilla’s front room, after Damien himself has spoken in such wildness and despair-

“I love you, Damien,” Arum says again, just as soft, “and I will not allow you to push me- push us away out of an urge towards self-destruction.”

The words sink down through the churning mire of his mind, and Damien is incredibly aware, for one sharp, bright moment, of how spectacularly he had ruined this, of his own utter lack of control, of his inability to draw breath, and then tears overflow the corners of his eyes as the familiar and unwelcome headrush finally pushes him down, folding him into a childlike crouch as he presses his hands to the sides of his head with a choked-off moan, every single thought in his mind whiting out in an incomprehensible tangle of horror, strong as certain death.

Then, it’s over.

Damien is shaking, hollow and exhausted and wet-cheeked, but the overwhelming panic is spent and gone. He feels suspended in the empty calm for a long moment before he straightens up with a shuddering inhale, clumsily brushing his tears away.

“What…” Arum stares at Damien, worry rolling off of him in waves as he whispers to Rilla. “What was that?”

“Panic attack,” she says, matching his volume with a tense smile. “A pretty rough one, too, I think. C’mon.” She steps a little closer to Damien, then, pulling an alarmed Arum behind her by the hand. “Hey,” she says gently, still leaving a bit of space between the two of them and the knight, “you think the worst of it is past, now?”

Damien nods, still rubbing his face and not looking at either of them.

“Okay.” Her voice is steady, calm, and Arum thinks for what must be the thousandth time that she is the cleverest being he has ever known. “Are you okay for a hug? Or would that be too much just now?”

Damien presses a hand over his eyes, his lip curving miserably, and then he nods again and reaches his other hand towards them.

Rilla sags in relief and closes the gap, wrapping her arm around Damien’s shaking shoulder. She can’t kiss him with his hand covering his face like that, so she kisses the hand instead as he shudders against her. Arum doesn’t know what to do with himself despite Rilla pulling him close as well. When he picked Damien up last, it seemed to catalyze this- this attack, and now he’s frightened of making things worse again with his touch.

Rilla notices his hesitation, and her brow furrows for a moment before she moves, readjusting their positions. She gently spins Damien so he’s in front of her with her arms wrapped around his waist from behind, and she pulls Arum closer on the other side until Damien is pressed up against Arum’s chest, between the two of them. She gives Arum an encouraging smile over Damien’s head, and he tries to swallow his worry, wrapping two arms all the way around Amaryllis and slipping the other two between them to scratch softly down Damien’s back.

“Is this okay?” she says, barely louder than a whisper, and Damien nods a third time, bumping his forehead against Arum’s chest as his breaths slowly even out from their hitching, as the salt Arum can taste on the air subsides.

“I’m sorry, honeysuckle,” Arum says softly, tucking Damien’s head beneath his chin. “I should not have pushed you so when you were in distress.”

“No, it- it wasn’t your fault, it-” Damien finally drops his hand from his face so he can press his palms against Arum’s chest, as if he is gleaning stability from his physical presence alone. “These thoughts have been- haunting me as of late. They would have outed eventually, I’m sure.”

“Nevertheless. I should have been more gentle with you.”

“I know- I fear that my persistent worries are irritating, and then I become terrified of that irritation driving the both of you away, and then the worry over irritating you becomes an annoyance itself, and it recurses and recurses until it becomes an endlessly deep oubliette into which I am cast, and I cannot see either the way to climb out, or the bottom to which I must fall. And-” he sighs through a laugh, “and I know that it is happening, and I cannot seem to control my mind. Even when I know I am being unreasonable. I can know that, but I cannot make myself believe it, or make myself stop.”

“You’re feeling more rational now, though?” Rilla asks, and Damien laughs again.

“I am tranquil, at least, and as rational as I ever am, my love. Which, when compared to yourself-”

She squeezes her arms around him, nuzzling her face into the back of his neck. “Perfect. Then that means I can start the list.”

“The- the list?”

“You asked, Damien, so you can’t complain about this now. So! Reasons why I, Amaryllis of Exile, am deeply in love with Sir Damien the Pious, version siiiiiix- no, seventeen, revised edition, with additional contributions from Lord Arum.”

Arum laughs in surprise, and Amaryllis grins behind Damien as he goes stiff. Then the knight looks up at Arum in alarm, his cheeks already tinging dark.

“You did ask, honeysuckle,” Arum says through a smile, his fingers drifting in soothing circles across Damien’s back.

“I love you, Damien,” Rilla starts, “because you are the most sincerely compassionate person I’ve ever known. You’re patient, you’re thoughtful, and you’re selfless to a fault.”

She pauses, raising an eyebrow over Damien’s shoulder, and Arum realizes it’s his turn to offer his contributions. “You are… fiercely loyal,” he says, and he smiles when Damien buries his face in Arum’s chest rather than look him in the eye. He understands the urge; it is more difficult than he expected, to put words to all the facets of Damien that cleave together to make Arum’s heart swell and race while Damien is here to hear them directly. “You are spectacularly beautiful,” he says, and then he quickly continues before the teasing gleam in Rilla’s eyes can fluster him, “you are a warrior with such skill that you make your movements as effortless as a dance when you fight, and you are the cleverest wordsmith I’ve ever known.”

“Just a brilliant storyteller,” Rilla agrees warmly. “I didn’t even like poetry before I met you, you know. You can put words together like- like you know how they’re meant to go, and you do it with so much joy that it’s impossible not to get caught up in your stories.”

“I will deny this if ever I am asked, honeysuckle,” Arum murmurs, conspiratorial, “but your poetry is far and away superior to every scrap of monster poetry I have ever read.” Damien chokes on a laugh against Arum’s scales, and Arum can’t help but nuzzle close to his ear. “And your voice, honeysuckle- it rings like music. I love the sound of it. I love you.”

“You care so deeply,” Rilla continues, “and you try so hard at everything you do. I love you because you make me laugh, and I love you because you are so completely different from me. I love that you and I don’t see the world in the same way, and I love that being with you makes the world seem that much wider and richer because of that. I love that you’re so damn tenacious about everything you set your mind to, and I love how you-”

“Alright,” Damien cries, lips pursed to try to keep his embarrassed smile from growing out of control, “alright my flower I believe you have made your point abundantly clear-”

“You sure, Damien? Because we can keep going for as long as this takes.”

“Quite sure,” he says, and he slips his arms around Arum to hug him properly. “I would prefer to be finished with weeping for today, my loves, and if you continue I will not be able to control myself on that particular front. Tears of happiness, I’m afraid, are still tears.”

Arum tries not to noticeably react to the sound of Damien’s voice now that it sounds more like him, steady and lilting instead of desperate and sharp, but he’s unsure how well he manages to hide his relief.

They stand in embrace for a few long minutes, breathing slowly, with Rilla humming lightly against Damien’s shoulder.

“I… I am not so experienced in… relationships,” Arum says quietly, breaking the silence. “We are… we are still- you have not changed your mind,” he settles on, wincing. “About… about us, have you, honeysuckle?”

“No,” Damien says emphatically, squeezing his arms tighter around Arum’s midsection. “Saints no, absolutely not. You are- the both of you are the best part of my life. That is… part of why it is so hard for me to believe it can last. It feels too good to be true, at times.”

“Alright,” Arum breathes through his relieved sigh. “And… and you do know…” he huffs out a breath of discomfort. “You know that when I say… when we are speaking, and I say that you are foolish or ridiculous- you do know that I- that-”

“I know you do not mean it,” Damien murmurs into Arum’s steady chest, closing his eyes, the gentle scritch of Arum’s claws drifting up and down his back between him and Rilla’s steady heat. “Or- that you only mean them affectionately.”

“If I cross into cruelty, honeysuckle-”

“It is comforting, actually,” Damien says, and Arum can feel the curve of his smile against his scales, “when you are willing to tease me. It is better that way, than if you treated me always as if I were fragile. It feels more honest. It’s easier to make myself believe you, that way.” He laughs, very slightly. “And, if you ever did overstep, I am certain our Rilla would make you aware of your mistake before I would even have the chance.”

“Yep,” Rilla agrees from behind the knight, looking at Arum over his shoulder with sharp, steady eyes. “No worries there.”

Arum, surprisingly, does feel less worried at that. “Good. Would you step back for me, Amaryllis?”

Rilla raises an eyebrow, but she does as he asks. Damien gives a look of confusion for only a moment before Arum’s hands all move in concert to lift him back up into Arum’s arms, just as he had been before.

“There,” he says, satisfied. “You are quite easy to carry, honeysuckle.”

“Of course it’s easy for you,” Rilla says. “You have extra arms to work with.”

“You will find that I am simply stronger than you soft mammals,” he says, preening, and then he glances down towards Damien, checking his expression carefully. “If you don’t mind terribly, little knight, I believe I enjoy having you in my clutches.”

Damien is breathless, face flushed, but the tension from earlier is nowhere to be seen. He lifts an arm to curl around Arum’s shoulder, readjusting in the lizard’s grip to make himself more comfortable. “If- if you insist, Lord Arum,” he says primly. “If you are sure I shall not strain you-”

“Don’t make me laugh. You weigh about as much as you would if you were truly made of flowers.” He grins at the knight, but the eye contact drags out until something earnest slips into his expression. “I could never tire of having you in my arms, honeysuckle.”

“Oh, stoppit,” Rilla complains, swatting a hand through the air. “Stop being so damn cute. You’re making me want to play hooky and I have tons of work to do. Get back to the Keep already and stop teasing me.”

“Of course, Amaryllis,” Arum says, bending in a mock bow and smirking as Damien laughs in his arms at the swooping motion. “A thousand apologies. Keep?”

Rilla scowls, eyes sparkling as the portal opens. “Oh, wait- before you leave.” She comes closer, and presses something into Damien’s hand with a sly smile and Arum gives a pleased rattling laugh when he recognizes it.

“What- wait, your recorder?” He furrows his brow, puzzled, and then tilts his head at her. “Why?”

“It’s more of a player than a recorder, actually, but it’s what’s on it I want you to hang on to for me, okay?”

He blinks, then brushes his thumb over the play button but does not push. “What is it, love?”

“Yes,” Arum says smugly above him, and Rilla laughs.

“Arum and I have been working on this for a little while. Something for you to play when we aren’t around to do what we just did, or for when you’re feeling anxious about bothering us but you still need a bit of a boost.”

“It is why our list was so well prepared,” Arum adds.

Damien presses his thumb down, and Rilla’s voice chimes from the device.

Damien comfort log, version sixte-

It is not a log, Amaryllis, this is why we keep needing to start over-

Shush. Fine. List of ways Sir Damien has charmed the literal pants off of both of us, is that better for you?

There is a short hissing rattle that devolves into a laugh.

Yes, actually. That is much better.

If you wanna go totally informal we can do that too, Arum. So, Damien, we both love you pretty ridiculously and we know you get in your own head about it sometimes, so we thought it might help if you had something permanent that you could pull out when you’re feeling unsteady, you know?

Amaryllis insisted I write out notes beforehand, if you care to know how seriously she took this, honeysuckle.

Notes are useful. They reminded me just now to start with this- Damien, you are the most sincerely compassionate person that I’ve ever known, you are patient, you-

Damien firmly presses the stop button, his eyes shining, and Rilla shrugs. “I started with the same one earlier because I kind of memorized the notes I made for this. I just- we thought this could help, maybe.”

“It’s lovely,” Damien says, swiping at his eyes as Rilla and Arum politely pretend not to notice. “I am- I am not used to receiving the gift of words, oh Saint Damien above, my loves are so full of surprises-”

The Keep sings through the portal, its voice mingling exasperation, confusion, and fondness, and Arum starts slightly, having forgotten that he had already opened the way. “Ah. Apologies, Keep. Will we- see you tonight, Amaryllis?”

“If the experiment goes really well or really poorly I should be done before nine, otherwise midnight at the latest, I think,” she says with a shrug, and then she comes close enough to give each of them a kiss on the cheek. “Behave until then, okay?”

Arum rolls his eyes through a grin, and Damien squeezes Rilla’s hand for an extra moment and kisses her knuckles before he releases her.

“Thank you, both of you, for-” Damien clutches the device, clutches his other arm tighter around Arum’s shoulder. “Just- thank you.”

“Would you believe that we have rendered the little poet near-speechless, Amaryllis?” Arum says, nudging his nose into Damien’s cheek in an almost-kiss. “Impressive work, love.”

She grins, then lightly pushes the monster towards the portal. “Go home already, will you? It’s rude to leave the Keep waiting like that.”

Arum grins wider. “Until tonight,” he says, and then he steps back through to his home.

Damien’s nerves try to rally against him again when Rilla is no longer with them, but the reality of Arum’s textured scales against his own skin anchors him to reality, and the weight of Rilla and Arum’s gift in his hand feels talismanic, magical. He sighs, letting his head sink to rest against the crook of Arum’s neck, and he feels the lizard laugh gently.

True to his word, Arum does not tire of Damien’s weight in his arms. Arum does not tire of him even as Damien himself tires, eyelids sinking under the weight of his exhausting day, nor even as Damien succumbs entirely to sleep, with his cheek against Arum’s shoulder.

He does not even tire of him in the in-between, and when Damien wakes again he is still carefully entwined in Arum’s arms, safe and beloved in their shared bed.

[lovecrimers]

In honor of the100th episode of Supernatural Misha has worked on (He’s worked on 100, only acted in 99 though) - I decided to share with you guys, 100 reasons that I love @mishacollins as a sort of tribute/celebration to him. He’s done so much to change my life and I just wanted to put my love for him out into the universe. I also made this into a twitter thread which can be found HERE.

1.) He gives me strength to get up and get through my day whether he knows it or not. 2.) He cares about his fans & constantly strives to show just how much. 3.) He cares about minorities that the struggles we face daily. 4.) He cares about the LGBTQ+ community & has gone to far length to prove just how much. 5.) He cares about mental health & the issues that affect those of us who suffer because of our MH issues. 6.) He cares about disadvantaged youths and wants to give them an equal playing field (Free high school, etc) 7.) He cares about disadvantaged groups in general & proves it daily through his work with Random Acts. 8.) He cares about lonely Senior citizens & tried to brighten an otherwise lonely day for them (Valentines Day). 9.) He funded Random Acts - a registered 501(c)(3) charity on his own because he's the change he wants to see. 10.) He constantly runs charity events throughout RA & gets his fans excited to donate & put good out into the world. 11.) He runs GISHWHES - the biggest scavenger hunt in the world and most of proceeds from that go to charity too. 12.) His scavenger hunt often encourages others to commit random acts of charity towards strangers. 13.) He cares about the state of our country and how the political turmoil affects the everyday citizen. 14.) He is extremely invested in politics and is not afraid to speak his voice on things that offend him. 15.) He fights for the people. Not just his people, or my people - but all people. 16.) When he makes mistakes, he owns up to them and apologizes even when he doesn't have to. 17.) He is active on social media and gives us (his fans) peeks into his daily life, which he knows we always want more of. 18.) He is a general friendly person who goes out of his way to be an angel to everyone he meets. 19.) The money from his Castiel photo ops at conventions goes to charity. 20.) Growing up, he experienced the struggle of poverty & goes out of his way to level the playing field for others in that situation. 21.) He's EXTREMELY humble about his accomplishments and doesn't brag about his good deeds. 22.) To date, he's still shocked and made to blush when fans express how he has changed their lives. 23.) He wears safety pins when he can, to let people know he is an ally and will protect people who need protection. 24.) He's a published poet and has a way with words that speaks to millions. 25.) He is EXTREMELY intelligent and uses his ideas and intelligence for nothing but GOOD. 26.) He is an amazingly talented actor & with that talent has become one of the most loved characters on Supernatural. 27.) He plays himself on Supernatural (an angel) 28.) He engages his fans, even going as far as answering questions other actors refuse to. 29.) He's selflessly shared extremely personal stories of his struggle at conventions in front of large crowds. 30.) He supports intersectional feminism. 31.) He supports nasty women and acknowledges the world needs us and has talked publicly about it 32.) Even though shippers are historically snubbed in the SPN fandom, he gives us a voice. 33.) He's gone as far as to physically "Ship" Destiel and that warms the cockles of my heart. 34.) He married his high school sweetheart. 35.) His relationship with his wife is absolutely beautiful and a goal for anyone with a significant other. 36.) The love he has for his wife is visible whenever he talks about her, he softens up and smiles. 37.) He supports his wife's business endeavors no matter what they may be & defends her accomplishments. 38.) He & Vicki renewed their vows dressed in drag at an Albertsons and that in itself is amazing. 39.) He takes the time to maintain his beautiful marriage & goes on spiritual retreats with his wife. 40.) His family in itself is pure and goals for anyone with a family. 41.) He's a busy man but still takes time to be a great father to his kids and it shows. 42.) He gives us access to his time with his kids sometimes and it never fails to put a smile on my face. 43.) He brings his kids to conventions sometimes and it's adorable - there's NOBODY who doesn't love it when he does that. 44.) There are tons of instances where he has been seen comforting distressed fans on his own free will. 45.) He encourages fans to say hi to him if we see him out and about. 46.) He takes fans out to do fun things during his meet n greets, something which no other actor does. 47.) He has publicly stated he appreciates fanworks whether it be art, fanfic, crafts etc. 48.) He built his own house, proving he loves to see the fruits of his effort. 49.) He built most of the furniture in his house further proving he's a hard worker. 50.) He interned at the White House during the Clinton administration 51.) He made the engagement ring he proposed to Vicki with. 52.) He invited fans to join him during his bike ride for E4K this year. 53.) He teaches his kids about healthy eating while teaching them HOW to cook. 54.) He ran over 50 miles for charity & anyone who's ever even ran 1 mile knows how brutal that must have been. 55.) In 2011, he was named TV’s “Best Non-Human” by TV Guide which proves he's actually an angel. 56.) His smile is singlehandedly the most beautifully infectious smile I have ever laid eyes upon. 57.) He looks good in literally anything. 58.) When I'm feeling crappy about life, I just look at pictures of him and I instantly feel better. 59.) His charity is in partnership with a crisis support group that has helped thousands of people like me during hard times. 60.) He's not afraid to be emotional publicly and has even publicly cried before over issues that matter to him. 61.) His hard work and dedication inspire me to want to reach MY own goals. 62.) Seeing everything he's accomplished makes me not want to give up. 63.) His sense of humor is brilliant and truly funny. 64.) He's not afraid to make himself the butt of a joke and that kind of humor is extremely attractive. 65.) His humility (that I touched on earlier) transcends into everything he does whether it be his job, family or charity. 66.) He directly helps his fans - ex of which can be helping w/homework, sending them autograph replacements etc. 67.) He has posted his phone number publicly with the sole purpose to have conversations with fans. 68.) He truly regrets working on a movie about sexual assault & openly discourages people from watching it so we don't get triggered. 69.) He steps out of his comfort zone sometimes to face issues in the fandom that no other actor wants to. 70.) He takes the time away from his family to come to conventions for his fans even when he's extremely tired. 71.) His smile lights up any room. 72.) He very clearly says "fuck you" to gender norms & constantly does things like paint his nails. 73.) He encourages people to vote, even if it's not for his candidate. 74.) He acknowledges the importance of white people being allies to minorities. 75.) He is extremely humble about his incredible good looks. 76.) He takes the winning gishwhes team on a vacation with him every year. 77.) He has been known to talk about very personal issues that resonate with fans during his meet n greets. 78.) He is nice to literally everyone (I'm serious, even to the people he dislikes: note, trump) 79.) This is kind of unrelated toa lot of the other reasons but he's THICC HAVE YOU SEEN HIS THIGHS? wow. 80.) He's an anchor for a lot of people who constantly struggle with depression (such as myself) and he guides us back to a good state of mind. 81.) He's interested in the environment and he proved that during E4K this yr by bringing a geologist to talk to us about the terrain. 82.) His interactive gishwhes competitions inspire people to think outside the box. 83.) He's simply beautiful like have you SEEN a picture of him? 84.) Everything he does is to better this world and community. 85.) He is the purest person I have ever come across in my life and I've come across quite a few people. 86.) His smiles are always genuine, you can tell by the way his eyes crinkle. 87.) He has struggled so much in his life and even then, came out successful. He is GOALS for all of us. 88.) He understands the reality behind a lot of these online "challenges" such as the ALS challenge & truly cares about the causes. 89.) He is extremely work oriented and has been known to stay on set way beyond what he was supposed to to film & perfect his scenes. 90.) His voice is pretty much the single most incredibly beautiful thing I have ever been graced with the opportunity to hear. 91.) He cares about orphans, refugees & homelessness. 92.) I truly believe that he loves each and every single one of his fans. 93.) He's an imaginative goofball & that shows through with the items he has for gishwhes every year. 94.) He was the best thing to ever happen to me. 95.) This man is the epitome is what one should strive to be when it comes to their attitude, life & personality 96.) Whenever there's a tragedy in a foreign country, he tries to tweet his support in their native language. 97.) He continually shows he cares about the fans that go through struggles and need support. 98.) When I first found out about his past, I promised myself I'd stop self injuring & make something out of my life. I am now clean of self injury and have been for a while. 99.) He unknowingly helped save me from one of the worst depressive periods of my 26 yr old life where everything seemed bleak & hopeless. 100.) His love for life saved MY life when I was hellbent on ending it last year and I will be eternally grateful to him for that.

So yeah, if you ever want to even begin to question my love for Misha Collins- don’t. I will love him fiercely until my dying breath.

Congrats on the milestone, Misha. We love you.