#I need there to be that visceral understanding between everyone.

[dustykneed]

can you share some of your mirror verse hcs?

(gladly! ... as you can see this really got away from me in terms of length and i am SO sorry in advance for springing a whole short essay on you skdjsdh)

to open with a bit of a shocker, perhaps, well, the way i interpret the mirrorverse, i just... cannot see mirror mcspirk happening. now don't get me wrong! i think mirror spirk is absolutely possible, and in fact highly probable, and not even as just a sleeping together thing. i think their dynamic could absolutely yield a form of co-dependent emotional attachment on a highly personal level. everyone defines love differently, but i think that in the mirrorverse, if not love, it is certainly as close as you could get. but mirror mcspirk i actually can't see, believe it or not, and this is for a couple of reasons:

the thing about the mirrorverse is that it is all about the death of humanity (not humans, but for what we know as the human capacity for empathy, kindness and hope. i've seen the mirrorverse described as "the universe where no hope can survive". i think that is a very apt summary of what i explore here.) one key assumption of my interpretation of the mirrorverse is that the characters themselves, initially, are no different from how they are in any other universe at the core, and it is the varied external factors of the universe in which they exist that produces the people they become.

to examine the effects of the mirrorverse on the triumvirate, we might begin by looking at the original triumvirate's relationships with the concept of "goodness", with reference to the principles of ethos, logos and pathos.

one of the fundaments of kirk, as a character, is his relationship with goodness as a choice. he represents ethos, morality, in that his goodness is the result of a conscious decision to be good, to do good, as far as possible, to pick the least of any evils if he absolutely must and even if it is difficult, to keep going for the greater good. in the end, it all boils down to his core motivation to be a net force of goodness on the world, or in other words, to train his eyes on the bigger picture when interacting with the situation at hand and to believe that goodness can always prevail in the sense that he will have a net positive impact on the world around him.

spock, on the other hand, is arguably characterized by his relationship with defining goodness. his struggle to reconcile logic and emotion goes hand in hand with his desire to know if, and why, what he is doing is right-- logos. other vulcans rationalize displays of emotion by interpreting them through the lens of logic. spock, i think, is unable to do this because while he has been taught that emotions are illogical and undesirable, and internalizes this to perhaps a far stricter extent than most vulcans due to being held to unfairly high standards to prove himself "vulcan enough", he recognizes on a subconscious level that there is no inherent contradiction between logic and emotions, and that goodness is a mixture of value judgements and rational, ethical methodology.

but mccoy, i think, is a little different, in that goodness in itself is what defines him as a character. instead of ethos (making the right decision) or logos (understanding what makes something right), mccoy's pathos (an unrefined, innate compulsion for goodness; something similar to mencius' theory of good human nature) is not a conscious decision or a principle of action, but a visceral, impulsive, desperate, sometimes irrational and neurotic need to do good no matter the cost, simply because he instinctively knows that it is the kind thing and therefore the right thing to do-- which, sometimes, makes him disregard the bigger picture, and, ironically, do the wrong thing out of irrationality.

(to digress-- i actually think that kirk is actually far more logical than we sometimes give him credit for, especially in the context of spirk. the dynamic of a logical, stoic character and an emotional, affectionate character whose very souls find solace in one another is a hugely compelling and moving one, and i cannot fault people for applying that dynamic to their relationship-- but, well, by virtue of being relatively less direct associations of their character dynamics in the context of slash, i think what happens sometimes with spones, mckirk and mcspirk is that in the process of fumbling around for ways to fit them together believably, people often end up doing a greater degree of exploration of their character dynamics and nuances that is like catnip to me xD)

for kirk and spock, as men whose worldviews are rooted in tangible logic, where the goodness they have seen is the driving force for their pursuit of morality, i do not doubt that without external proof of goodness as a feasible, worthy path, the same traits that grant them their steadfast belief in humanity and hence their great devotion to goodness will be the traits that drive them to turn away from that goodness in the mirror universe. in a world where hope cannot survive, where cruelty and ambition are the only constants, kirk's resourcefulness prompts him to adapt to his environment and seek what he sees as the bigger picture-- ambition and power. spock, a being of logic, observes that cruelty is simply how the world functions, and as a result applies this science to his interactions with it, seeking power not because of a specific ambition, but, again, because it is a logical course of action according to his observations.

i see spirk as highly probable in the mirrorverse precisely because of how alike they are in this regard. they are capable of great compartmentalization of personal sentiments in order to do what they consider "the right thing", or take the "logical course of action", and this is what makes them effective in command roles, where dwelling on the implications of a wrong decision could either kill you from the sheer crushing guilt, or kill more of your men because of your indecision. they are comfortable in their pursuit of power by use of force because they have internalized the rules of the mirrorverse, and are able find solace in each other because they are evenly matched as opponents and a force to be reckoned with when in alliance, which gives them the space to develop that personal attachment and tension in the first place.

but mccoy? mccoy's goodness isn't rooted in logic, and as a result, this facet of his character largely remains untouched even in the face of the greatest cruelties and atrocities his world can offer. his great stubbornness (or illogic, or perhaps even self-delusion) lends him the ability to, against all odds, still believe that people are inherently worthy of kindness and compassion. he believes in good without ever having experienced it, because his belief in good is illogical by nature.

i have no doubt that mccoy would possibly love kirk, and spock, in part simply because he resonates subconsciously with the capacity of kirk and spock to show great kindness. it is possible that he sees the apparitions of what they could have become, had the world not been so unkind to them, and his love for them is tinged with an undercurrent of mixed grief and disgust, and pity. but fundamentally he doesn't trust spirk-- and because of that i think he could never bring himself to truly fall in love even though he has the capacity for it, because that would require betraying his love for humanity.

i think, based on the way mirror kirk and spock likely treat mccoy, as technically their subordinate (and especially in mirror mirror, when mirror spock mind melds with mccoy to figure out why he saved his life without so much as a moment's hesitation, because he doesn't see mirror mccoy as a threat, so why would a mccoy from a softer, kinder universe ever be anything more?) i wouldn't be surprised if they saw mccoy as... lesser. you know? they know that mccoy isn't capable of seeking power the way they do. that makes him weak. i think they trust him far more than anyone else other than each other, perhaps less out of respect for his profession or character, but more because they are able to clear him as a possible threat, as something too pathetic to seize power even when given the chance. they definitely have some interest in his motivations-- like you would a pet, or a plaything, because kindness makes you a target, a weakness, and a liability. a fascinating study, but ultimately, inadvertently disposable.

and it makes sense, in a way, that they are unable to bring themselves to ally themselves with mccoy the way they have each other, because in the mirrorverse, to believe in kindness is a death sentence. they might pity mccoy or regard him with contempt borne out of inexplicable regret, the same way mccoy pities them, for his wasted potential as an asset (and maybe even as a partner). by insulating themselves against their inevitable loss of mccoy, conciously or otherwise, they save themselves another hurt in their world where hope is a lost cause.

(i definitely have more bouncing around in my head about mirror bones especially, but i think 1.5k words is enough for one sitting LMAO so sorry i think i'm halfway in finals mode still. but this is why i could never take literature lol i can never help myself and it takes a lot out of me xDD)

(oh and @callofdooty i think the mirrorverse as a place where no hope can survive quote was from you during our conversations about mirror bones! but either way i think you might enjoy this hahah)

[candied-cae]

"Izzy's appearances in 2x03 with Stede were some of the only times I could stand him." - Allow me to further explain

I want to preface this with "I know." I know I was not an Izzy Enjoyer during Season 1 and I know I wasn't really looking forward to a redemption arc for his character because I was worried it wouldn't be taken seriously enough, since this show is a comedy. And, so far, I feel like I was right. His forgiveness feels rushed to me, and Stede's adverse reactions to him are the only times where it felt like this was in fact Izzy Hands from season 1 and not a guy with the same name and face but with a clean record and softer disposition.

The instances where Stede is put in Izzy's proximity are the only ones that really make sense coming out of Season 1. As far as we see, a few months has passed and pretty much everyone on The Revenge has forgiven Izzy for the simple reason that they can tell Ed is taking a little extra of his anger out on him. We see no apologies made, we see no kind gestures, we see no really complex stuff about him realizing he fucked up.

They skip right to his breaking down and the rest of the crew picking up the pieces behind Ed's back, even though for most of them Izzy was their torturer at least twice before all on his own.

So it felt weird and jarring that he seemed completely washed free of his "sins" of the last season, especially since it happened right there in the first episode. I wish the production team put more time in making Izzy "earn" the kindness the crew affords him, but I digress. The interactions Stede has with Izzy feel the most right (to me) and I adore how much character work we can pull from them.

(In agonizing detail by going over every word of dialogue and expression exchanged between them, you've been warned.)

The first time they address each other, goes as follows:

"Bonnet. Good to see you." "Piss off, Izzy. I don't wanna hear from you."

With Izzy approaching Stede without reason and speaking first. He limps on over and opens up with something polite almost. But when it comes from Izzy Hands - the man who personally insulted Stede, insulted all his favorite activities, insulted his crew, challenge him to duel and skewered him through the side, went on to call on Calico Jack and the Royal English Navy to take down The Revenge, who stole his crew and ship after he'd been arrested, and Stede's clearly got suspicions that Ed's behavior was influenced by him - that greeting is a slap in the face.

It's that kind of fake sweet pretend-we're-friends-for-the-sake-of-social-graces thing that Stede left behind on the mainland.

So he just tells him to leave. That he doesn't care what he has to say if it isn't information, and even if it was, Stede doesn't trust what Izzy shares.

And Izzy's a little caught off guard by that reaction. We see him sort of sway and look to the side. He looks rejected, which he is. And it's the first time all season that someone hasn't really let him have a fresh start (except for Ed). It's the first time anyone's tried to hold him accountable for the litany of things he'd done to the crew in the last season. Events that seem to have taken place only weeks/months before.

The second time Izzy speaks up, he does so to tease:

"What about my painting? Why was it all stabbed up?" "That was me." *sighs*

Izzy puts on a smile and leans his head back a bit. He's try to act proud and sort of snarky, since Stede isn't playing with him like they did previously. So, he tried to goad him into saying something. Into getting snippy or bitchy in return. He's trying to push Stede into giving him something to work with.

Because if people talk to him, and they play his games, and they soften up, that's how (it seems) he's been able to win them over and get into folk's good graces.

But Stede doesn't give. He doesn't want to play Izzy's mind games. He doesn't want to volley a few insults back in forth until it's fun. He doesn't want to give Izzy any of his time or attention or energy, because Izzy doesn't deserve any of it to him.

Stede walks away, and we see Izzy's expression freeze and fall. He's stuck and confused, because he thought that was a good move. He thought that one was going to get a reaction. And maybe that's how he's always gotten people to talk to him, by pushing them into a retaliation, but it doesn't work.

What's the quote? About how hate isn't the opposite of love, indifference is? Stede is being indifferent to Izzy's presence, and that's doing more to Izzy's feelings than if he outright hated him.

The third time they interact, Izzy's followed Stede into the captain's quarters and jokes:

"Don't cry, Bonnet. We just redecorated." "I don't mind, actually. I think the knives really help bring the place together."

Again, he's tried to push Stede's buttons. Playing on already used jokes that Stede's too posh and soft to, say, appreciate something like a dozen knives thrown/stabbed into the walls and ceiling of his cabin.

He's teasing, on the edge of calling Stede a cry baby, either just to see if it'll work him up, or if that's the only way he knew how to start their discussion. But again, Stede isn't playing with him. He brushes past the implied insult and moves to something more like "I don't care" in response.

Instead, turning his attention back to the subject of Edward Teach. Because he knows the crew were all dodging the question and he knows Izzy would have to know what happened to Ed.

During that same conversation they pivot to more serious matters:

"What'd you do with him? I know he wouldn't have left by choice." "I know you think you understand him-" "He was either going to watch the world burn or die trying. So which was it?" "Alright, Bonnet. Have it your own way. He went mad. He tortured the crew. He took my fuckin' leg 'cause I dared to mention your fuckin' name. He was a wild dog, and we dealt with him like one." "You sent him to doggy heaven." "No, I could never do that. We deserted him on a beach. Left nature to do the rest. More than he would've done for us. You and me did this to him. And we cannot let this crew suffer any more for our mistakes." "Why would they suffer?" "If your captain senses mutiny, she'll kill us all. That's pirate code."

The most notable expressions during this conversation are Stede's who almost seems to wince when Izzy says Ed retaliated against him over mentioning Stede's name, his defeat when he believes Ed was killed in mutiny, and his concern about making sure his crew will be spared.

These are feelings that are barely about Izzy, and mostly about the fact that Stede is taking on a lot more blame than he's saying. He feels a lot of the responsibility for what's happened (further exemplified by him cracking to tell Zheng Yi Sao that he should've told Ed how he felt and avoided all of it). And this is the first time Izzy really gets anything out of him from all his poking and prodding he does in the episode.

And though Stede is convinced that Ed was simply marooned and it's its own kind of tragedy and means there was somewhere to go to try and get him back, Stede worries about saving his crew first. He pleads with Zheng Yi Sao and even wins her over until Auntie finds Ed's "body."

After that revelation, Izzy's in The Red Flag's brig and only says:

"Go on, Bonnet. Give me your worst."

And Stede says nothing. He looks at him. He hears what he has to say. But he doesn't do anything. Nothing except having to physically push himself off the bars to walk away.

And again, we can tell there's blame he's assigned to himself for it.

It's a little bit his fault that Ed's "dead." It's a little bit his fault the rest of his crew is going to be executed. It's a little bit his fault, and it's a little bit Izzy's. He knows so, because Izzy said it to him himself. "You and Me did this to him." And Izzy huffs, gives him permission to fly off the handle. To pour his rage and grief all over Izzy, to retaliate with words or with blades.

Izzy would take it. Whatever Stede was going to give him, he was going to take it. Just like he was trying to make him mad earlier, Izzy was still grappling for something. For acknowledgment. For something in his last moments before an entire career of piracy ended at The Pirate Queen's behest.

But Stede gives him nothing.

And that hurts worse. That brings tears to his eyes. That settles in the quiet idea of "I'm not mad, I'm just disappointed" that cuts so much deeper.

And the last time Izzy tries for anything, he tries being grateful:

"I just wanted to thank you for-"

But Stede still doesn't listen. Doesn't even let him finish thanking him.

Even though he went as far as to save Izzy's life along with the rest of the crew (he could've struck him down or declared he was unwelcome to join them back on The Revenge if he really wanted to), he still hadn't earned acknowledgment. Hadn't deserved pity or anything else. He doesn't even deserve to stand next to Stede and fluff his ego, as far as Stede seems concerned.

Stede hasn't forgiven Izzy. And maybe it's because he feels there's nothing to forgive, it's mostly Stede's own fault- maybe it's because he blames him too much and will never let it go- maybe he's too hurt to feel anything but tired and sad once the immediate danger has passed... Izzy doesn't know.

What he does know, is that he has tried everything to get reactions out of Stede. Everything except apologizing. So, I'm personally hoping for an apology in the upcoming episodes. For some vulnerability and truth and embarrassment. Because these are the beats of a redemption. These are the plot points of turning your life around, and people either don't believe it's genuine at first or don't care.

This is the "cost" of Izzy's actions in Season 1. And it's something they haven't given us from anyone else yet. I'd also really like Ed to make some kind of address of the fact ("You wanted Blackbeard as dark and demanding as he could possibly get, I gave that to you"). Because that's how a redemption arc works best. The guy who fucked up has to put in an effort expressly to be forgiven.

To me, it's not enough that his life sucked for a couple months and he didn't get exactly what he wanted (aka, he didn't realize he didn't actually want it like that) and he lost a leg. He's going to keep pirating on one foot, but to receive a position on The Revenge happily shared, there needs to be something more.

More OFMD

[angyo]

I unironically love csm 167. Not for horny, but because it's so fucked up on so many layers and if it follows up on even 1 of those layers of fuckery it's gonna be explosive.

Denji:

He's already been sexually assaulted so many times. Every time he has a dream it gets monkey's pawed into fucking him up worse. He doesn't know what he wants. Deep down he just wants to be loved and be able to trust that if he puts his soul into the hands of another person it won't get crushed. But his love for aki and power was used to break him. His love for reze and makima betrayed. His love for nayuta and the dogs used to goad him into violence. Everyone he opens his heart to either dies or uses him, so all he has left is this hope that sex gives him the love he so deeply needs without the commitment that makes it dangerous. He thinks getting his rocks off might give him the same love he needs without the possibility of having it stolen from him. An orgasm is an orgasm, even if the other person immediately betrays you you still got "love" in a far more transactional and solid sense.

But that's not how it works. Post-orgasm is a very vulnerable time, especially if it's from a high tension surprise hand job (rape) in a backalley. It's his last dream that hasn't been ruined yet and it happened after a castration attempt and will likely end with Asa looking at him like a disgusting monster and vomiting on the ground.

Yoru:

Of course the war devil can't process love. She and Asa share a body and swap a lot of emotions but they're still different people and when something they now feel strongly goes so directly against all of their lives experience they'll react in unpredictable and possibly dangerous ways, ESPECIALLY war. Yoru got the memory of the first kiss meaning asa probably got it too. Asa's not stable, she's so desperately lonely this revelation that denji never stood her up must've felt so relieving. But yoru was in charge when asa got this flood of emotion. War isn't about love or compromise, it's about stealing from the weak and kind, asserting absolute authority, and a lot of rape and pillaging. Of course when faced with such a human and kind emotion as love war doesn't care about anything but satiating the most immediately available impulse in a way that asserts her "superiority" and leaving before she'd have to actually confront the emotional turmoil she caused.

Asa:

Oh she's fucked. Just like denji she is desperately lonely and always has love ripped away from her in the cruelest ways. But unlike him, she just pretends she doesn't need it and tries to feel superior so she doesn't have to feel the real depth of her loneliness. Yet she can't help but love anyway, and every time she falls into the trap of caring it dissolves all of her defenses and when it's betrayed it breaks her core. She is sex-repulsed, which is understandable for a teenager and possibly a sign of asexuality but thematically can be tied to her fear of opening her heart to damage. There's a difference between finding it disgusting on a reasonable level and being so viscerally disgusted by the thought it can drag you into hell. Sex is vulnerable. Your expose a lot of really sensitive organs to each other and stimulate hormones that make you open yourself up and expose yourself to risks like stds. When it feels like all her vulnerabilities get hammered against her of course she'd be scared of such a vulnerable act.

And now she's got cum on the only hand she has left, denji's spit in her mouth, and the lingering feeling of his dick on her, again, ONLY REMAINING HAND. And he's going to need aftercare, and really substantial care because she just sexually assaulted him and he doesn't know she's 2 different people. He's either gonna be so immediately depressed by the anticlimax of his first time he starts isolating or so desperate for this sex to be the time it finally means love he clings to her but it's gonna be terrifying to her because yoru took her subconscious vulnerability and externalized it to hurt the guy she just realized might be the only person to actually give a shit right now. She loves him and as soon as she lets that emotion wash over her it gets used to melt him into a puddle of desperation and vulnerability right in her arm that is so far beyond anything she can emotionally handle it could make him hate her forever. The only one who ever gave a shit and in the span of a couple minutes her body has been used to deconstruct him into a million little pieces she couldn't possibly put back together.

Not to mention the fact that in assaulting denji yoru also sexually assaulted Asa but denji doesn't know that. They both need immediate calming that isn't going to happen.

And she can't run away from yoru. The girl who assaulted her, exploited every vulnerability she has, and ruined her only chance is in her head. Even if denji realizes his worth and runs away asa is still stuck. Her assaulter is in her head, and the only hand she has left is covered in jizz.

[marragurl]

I have this VISCERAL need for an AU where everyone’s perception of Ratiorine is completely skewed and they all think they hate each other when in reality they’re actually married.

They had a small ceremony years ago, fully live together, have matching pajama sets, cutely bicker and have inside jokes with each other, constantly use endearments when referring to one another in public, have a combined 20 step hygiene routine, are each other’s first choice if there’s a mission that require 2 people, AND NO ONE BELIEVES THEY’RE MARRIED! OR EVEN IN A RELATIONSHIP!

AVENTURINE EVEN SIGNS HIMSELF AS AVENTURINE RATIO ON INVITES OR LETTERS OR PAPERWORK (Kakavasha Ratio on their marriage certificate, I like to think in this AU they’ve worked through their past trauma together already), BUT EVERYONE THINKS IT’S A TYPO AND HE MEANT TO WRITE THEM SEPARATELY SINCE THEY’RE ALWAYS ASSIGNED ON MISSIONS TOGETHER.

The only people who know are the Stonehearts, and that’s only due to Aventurine’s contract/work as IPC, so they were the ones who officiated/were witnesses to the wedding.

Everytime they all go out to get a drink or something, I need Topaz in the back looking insufferable as Ratiorine are in full lovey-dovey mode AND NO ONE NOTICES. I’d be the same girl, they could broadcast their honeymoon and STILL people would think it’s some weird powerplay hate thing, Topaz is later found crying to Jade about how she finally understands why Ratio calls everyone idiots, how are people so blind?! They’ve even started using the same motions and same phrases Jade, WHY CAN NO ONE ELSE SEE IT???

The only reason the Penacony plan goes off without a hitch is that everyone has the biggest preconceived notion that Aventurine and Ratio despise each other WHEN IT’S JUST THEIR USUAL MARRIED BICKERING. NO ONE CAN EVEN FATHOM THE TWO OF THEM LIKING EACH OTHER, LET ALONE MARRIED???

(In this AU, Aventurine gives up his room because the Reverie made the same mistake of not understanding the signature and assigned him and Ratio to different rooms, and now there’s a nice clean way of getting rid of the extra room, making a connection with the Astral Express, AND rooming with his dear husband, what great luck!)

I want it to get to a point where they could fully make out in front of Sunday and the man would STILL believe that Ratio would betray Aventurine. Aventurine during the entire interrogation scene is just constantly in the state of “my husband is such a good actor, I’m so proud of him” *heart eyes and winks to Ratio when Sunday isn’t looking* and Ratio is just straight up looking worried for Aventurine and immediately rushes after him when it’s all over AND NO ONE BATS AN EYE

Ratio just mentally apologizing to Aventurine after every little fake fight they have and dying on the inside and doubling down on every bit of affection he can in between (and even during) the fights, and Aventurine is just having fun having his husband’s attention all to himself no matter the form. (plus the rush of knowing just how much they trust each other always makes him warm)

Aventurine is fully ok with this weird perception people have of him and his husband since it always helps with his schemes and gambles paying off, and while Ratio wants to bash everyone in the head for even daring to think he hates his husband, he keeps quiet because he trusts that Aventurine will always come back to him and make it all work.

But that’s not enough to stop him with showering Aventurine with adoration and love in public. If the public are too much of idiots to realize something as obvious as their love, Ratio won’t stop it from showing his dear husband just how much he means to him.

This is fully AU of course, we all know canon Ratiorine is the longest softest pining game in history. Funny enough, Topaz is still suffering in the back due to their relationship shenanigans. She better be getting some financial compensation for this, I just know Aventurine complains to her about his crush. Ratio is fully at his own place writing out thesis after thesis about the meaning of love and psychoanalyzing his own feelings. He forwards them to Topaz for review because I like to think she’s somehow become a weird bouncing board for his frustrations about her coworker. Topaz is crying.

[nekropsii]

“Bad Representation” is actually a topic I’m really passionate about and interested in, I could talk about it for ages. The way people handle “Bad Representation” as a concept is genuinely fascinating, too, so this is both an analytical fascination and an anthropological one.

For clarity, I thoroughly do believe there is such thing as “Bad Representation”, especially when it comes to expressions of pure bigotry from the person doing the representing… But I personally think everyone’s bar for what counts as “Bad Representation” is set a little bit too strictly, has no real account for capitalistic and/or historical restrictions - For Example: Language and common understanding of queer identity being far different in the 1950’s than it is now, and Studio Meddling - and also, interestingly, tends to take no account for the opinion of those getting “represented”, or the idea of individual satisfaction.

There’s been many, many times where a character is objectively pretty bad representation by modern standards, but discussion surrounding it takes no account for the concept of Resonance. Sometimes a character is not “Good Representation” as an objective concept, but they are relatable, likable, and quite fun to watch. I’ve seen quite a few instances of people talking down to the mentally ill or disabled for enjoying a Slasher in part because of their disorder/disability, or queer people for enjoying Hays Code villains. Sometimes a character isn’t written kindly, or isn’t written well, but they really resonate with you… And that counts for something.

One of my favorite characters - one who has helped me come to terms with my cPTSD and OSDD - is a representation of PTSD + DID that is objectively not very good. He’s basically a Vietnam War veteran, who gets an Alter in the middle of the war that is basically a self defensive Murder Mode. It’s literally the PTSD from The War and Evil Alter cliche, but there’s just some aspects that really hit for me, like the fact that he’s considered the nicest, kindest person in the cast, and the alter is portrayed clearly as being in constant self defense mode, thinking he’s still in the middle of the war, and also being quite silly. There’s several details I view as being done pretty well, a whole arc about him grappling with his mental health in a way I find quite fascinating and visceral, and I enjoy him quite a lot! But many would agree that he’s “Bad Representation” because of the War PTSD and Evil Alter tropes. Even I agree that those things kinda suck, but that’s not stopping the fact that this character has meant a lot to me, and that I really would not be the same level of okay with myself if I hadn’t discovered this character.

I’ve caught flack for this. I’ve seen many other people latch onto a character who is not executed very well because they find them personally relatable, or are using them to figure some things out about themselves, and also catch flack for it because the character is not “Good Representation” for a group as a whole. No account for Resonance, no account for Individual Experience. It’s a fascinating lack of a sense of nuance.

I think people have forgotten - or perhaps do not realize - that criticizing a base concept, or base execution of a concept, is different from criticizing individual experience. It’s like the difference between criticizing the makeup industry vs. criticizing someone’s personal choice to wear makeup. It is good to point out when something is written or executed poorly, but you do not know the reason why that one individual disabled person enjoys a poorly written character who shares their disability. I would even say that they probably know more than you do that it’s written badly, because they have lived that character’s disability and you likely have not. I think you should maybe step off if a blind person really likes Terezi or something. You do not need to patronize them by telling them that she isn’t “Good Representation” because her quirk isn’t screenreader friendly, and that her blindness has a magical workaround. I think they already know that these are facts about her that are true. They like her for a reason, and that reason is Resonance.

[lurkingshan]

After reading this post from @waitmyturtles about her read on Fire and Dynamite, I was thinking a bit more about the way the show has handled their story and what I love about it. And I think it comes down to a crucial point: Cooking Crush, unlike most Thai bl, is NOT in the bubble, and the presence of homophobia, both internal and external, cannot be separated from their story. This is a queer narrative to the core.

Both Fire and Dynamite are shaped by their sexuality and their experiences or fear of rejection because of it. Dynamite is out and proud and unapologetic about what he wants, and as we learn when his backstory is revealed to us, this is a direct response to the familial rejection he experienced when he came out. Dy is defiant and in your face with his desires because he has already experienced the worst kind of rejection and is always bracing for more. So he dares people to do it right out of the gate. He likes to know where he stands with people, so he’d rather be his brashest self and suffer the loss early before getting attached. He deals with fear by daring people to prove him right.

Fire takes his fear in the opposite direction, denying who he is and rejecting anything that makes him think too hard about the aspects of himself he does not want to deal with. Even without Dynamite in the picture, it was clear that he was trying to talk himself into liking Jane in a way he simply did not. Once we got to know his mother, the source of his fear became crystal clear, and it was easy to see why he worked so hard to suppress himself. Fire was unhappy living that way, and Dynamite was a constant reminder of what he was trying to keep down, so it’s no wonder he reacted so viscerally to him.

But that’s exactly why their story works. Fire needed someone who he couldn’t ignore to draw out his true self, and because Dynamite is so unwilling to put up with mixed messages and half-hearted declarations, Fire had to work himself all the way out before Dy would accept him. One of the genius things this show did in their arc was have Dy pull away as soon as Fire began sending mixed signals. Dynamite was fine in the face of Fire’s firm rejection—it as what he always expected to get from him along with everyone else. But he wouldn’t allow Fire to run hot and cold on him and play with his emotions, because that was where he knew he could get really hurt. And this boundary that Dy set forced Fire to figure out what he actually wanted and communicate it clearly.

Which is why we saw Fire change so much as soon as they were together, because in the process of deciding what he wanted from Dynamite, Fire had to make some decisions about who he wanted to be and how he wanted to live. And he chose to embrace his queerness and live a more authentic life. He is a new man in this relationship because he is being himself for the first time ever, and he’s finally breaking free from the weight of his own internalized homophobia. It’s a positive change and one that is clearly making him happy, and part of him must feel grateful to Dy for pushing him into figuring out what he wanted.

But crucially, that is where Dy’s pushing ends. He is utterly unwilling to make any further demands of Fire regarding coming out, to the point that Dy puts his own friendships at risk to hide their relationship and protect Fire until he’s ready. He understands the fear of rejection Fire is still dealing with because he lived it. And he has already proven that he’s up to the task of handling Fire’s mother whenever Fire is ready to face her. These two are still early in their relationship but they have already fallen into a very natural and easy pattern of providing each other emotional support and stability, and we can see them shoring each other up. They make a great pair and theirs is a story that can only exist between queer characters.

I just love that in this show that feels so light on the surface they have made room for such depth in the storytelling. Watching Cooking Crush feels like a warm hug because even though it’s gentle and funny and often silly, there are real emotional struggles to ground us, and the story takes them seriously. We’ve seen this consistently in the main storyline with Ten and Prem, and Fire and Dynamite are no exception.

[jacks347]

(Is this stupid enough to be considered a crack fic?? Idk, we're going with it)

To say Hipswitch was surprised to see a woman sitting in his base next to Albus would be an overstatement.

Now, to say he was surprised to see said woman be so...dressed while sipping a cup of tea, that was accurate.

He'd never seen the demon bring back anyone who wore so many layers. Hell, now that he was really thinking about it, he hadn't really seen Albus bring back anyone at all. From the headscarf covering her hair to the skirt that brushed at her ankles and all the fabric and layerage of jewelry in-between, Hipswitch was getting warm just watching her.

The woman turned, smiling politely at him. She was rather pretty, warm brown skin with dark green eyes. Not necessarily someone he'd consider Albus’s type but everyone had their exceptions. "Hello there. You must be Hipswitch." Her voice was quiet and flowed like honey. She reminded Hipswitch of the ladies of the church in town, always speaking softly with inviting smiles. Definitely not Albus’s usual type. What, had he really gotten that bored?

"That I am. And who might you be?" Hipswitch took a seat across from the odd duo, eyes darting between the two in bewilderment. Albus huffed out a laugh, wrapping an arm around the woman's shoulders. "This is Faith. She a, ah, friend of mine." The woman, Faith, rolled her eyes with a small chuckle. "Mm, sure, friend. Let's go with that." She hummed as she took a sip of her tea.

Hipswitch nodded slowly, still going back and forth between them. It was very strange but he couldn't say he didn't appreciate the change. Hell, he welcomed it. Faith was polite, she was far more dressed than he expected, and she seemed very sweet. It almost brought a tear to Hipswitch's eye. "Well it's very nice to meet you. I've gotta say Albus, she's certainly a might better for you than the others from the whore house."

There was an audible beat of silence before it was broken by both a roar of laughter from Albus and a rather impressive spit take from Faith who was now coughing like mad as she tried to regain her composure while Albus was nearly doubled over in hysterics. Hipswitch was left rather confused, not exactly understanding why what he said had caused such a visceral reaction. "Did I say something wrong?"

The statement only made Albus laugh harder as Faith finally recovered, her cheeks flaming red and her face a heavy mask of embarrassment before kicking Albus in the shin. "Stop laughing! I've never been so mortified in all my life." She dropped her face into her hands, shaking her head before pulling herself back up. "How do I put this lightly..." Faith mumbled as Albus’s laughter finally petered off. "Oh Switchy, Faith is a sister paladin." He corrected, making Hipswitch raise an eyebrow in confusion. "A what?"

"A nun." Came a surprised voice, making Hipswitch jump as he turned to find the source of it. "Hey Doc, how long have you been standing there? Almost gave me a heart attack. And how do you know that?" The doctor leaned against the doorframe, staring at Hipswitch with a wide-eyed expression between shock and horror. "When Albus came on I decided to do some research on the medical practices of New Tennessee. Maybe there would be something there to help better treat Albus if I needed to. And well, most of the information was from or about the sister paladins. They're the main form of healthcare, they're essentially priestesses who learn medicine to take of the knight paladins. But they're known to treat anyone who comes to their temples." The realization slowly dawned on Hipswitch, his eyes widening as it did. No wonder she reminded him so much of the women of the church, she was one of them! Oh he fucked up. He fucked up bad.

"So, in case you missed it in that grand fucking speech, you just called a nun a hooker directly to her face." Albus clarified, though he really didn't need to. Faith sighed, the initial embarrassment fading into a kind of indignant rage. "Can I slap him?" Albus snorted a laugh, flashing a sly grin at Hipswitch. "Oo, watch out there Switchy. She's got a mean backhand and I'm almost willing to let her do it. You kind of deserve it." Hipswitch wished he could disappear. "I-I am so sorry ma'am! I would never think of implying you would be that kind of woman, I just assumed-" He spluttered an embarrassed apology, making Albus burst into another round of hysterical laughter as Faith cut him off with a shake of her head. "Don't apologize, I know you didn't mean it. You worked with what you knew, I can't blame you for that. Though I do still want to slap you. And you do kind of deserve it."

Faith got to her feet stiffly, fixing the layers of her outfit and narrowing her eyes at a still laughing Albus. "I think I've seen enough of Maya for one day. I've got to pick Kerano up from school." She leaned down to poke a finger into the warrior's chest. "Don't make me come back out here to check up on you. Had me worried sick for nothing." Albus’s laughter faded as he lightly smacked her hand away. "Gods, yes, I know. I won't, I promise." She nodded with a satisfied huff before turning to the doctor. "I'm glad I could help with your research, you know how to reach me if you have any more questions." "Of course! Thank you again, Sister. It's been very insightful having you here. I should go continue to look over those notes." He turned and headed back into his office as Faith turned to Hipswitch. "And you." Hipswitch gulped, expecting the worst. Maybe that slap Albus had warned him about. "Maybe actually talk to someone before assuming they're some kind of common hooker. I take my faith very seriously and even if I didn't, I'd be far outside of his price range." She smiled warmly before turning on her heel and heading for the door. "See you again boys!"

Albus’s head dropped back onto the couch with a snort. "Outside my price range, she's crazy." He muttered. Hipswitch quietly got up and moved closer to punch Albus in the chest, making the demon wheeze out a breath as his head snapped up to glare at him. "Fucking hell, what was that for?" "For not warning me! I made a damn fool of myself in front of a nun because of you!" "Well, she's not really a nun, she's a priestess." "Regardless! She's a woman of faith and I disrespected her in the worst way possible!" Albus waved his concerns off. "Ah don't sweat it. Give it a week, she'll be laughing over it. It was damn funny." "You're actually the worst, you know that?" "Oh I am well aware Switchy. You're not the first to notice." Hipswitch could only roll his eyes. Why did he have to care about this idiot so much? "Okay but tell me one thing." "Whatcha got Switchy?" "Have you actually slept with her?" "Would you be jealous if I said yes?" "Albus..." Albus chuckled lowly, shaking his head. "Sorry Switchy, this is one time I don't kiss and tell. That's up to you to figure out." He confessed with a shrug. "Out of all the escapades you've rambled on about, this is the one you keep quiet about?" "Faith is different, okay? She...she deserves to not have her story told. So I won't." He defended. Hipswitch sighed in defeat, stepping back. "I'll never understand how your head works." "Good, I don't either. So looks like we'll both be confused."

(...idfk how to end this so this is what you get. Yes I made this entire thing because there is a non-zero chance that Hipswitch would assume Faith is a hooker the first time he met her and that was so damn funny to me)

[kichous]

✧･ﾟ:*   you could use me

summary. you're afraid that two weeks in a box is all that it takes to undo all of the progress you've made. series. a night of dark trees. bonus scene ! pairing. gojo satoru x gn!reader. warnings. none. word count. 1930.

Gojo’s different.

Ever since he emerged from the Prison Realm, he has been taciturn, morose, subdued. It’s disconcerting. He’s one of the liveliest people you know. It’s one of the things you love about him.

You’re still not sure how he says those little words so easily. Gojo Satoru’s world was torn asunder years ago, and he’d been dealt the same debilitating, staggering blow that still causes you to panic every time you hear the three syllables ‘I love you.’ Yet, somehow, some way, Gojo finds it in himself to voice that simple declaration to you. And he means it every time, with every fiber of his being.

It’s harder for you to speak it, your vocal cords uncooperative to an almost petulant degree, your subconscious locking the action away even in spite of your visceral protestations. You’re still searching on your hands and knees in the murky depths for the key. Only alcohol makes the search a little easier. But in your heart of hearts, you know it—it is a certainty that you love Gojo Satoru. A fact, as immutable as gravity (unless you were Kenjaku. Then you’d have to come up with another simile).

To that end, his absence hurt you. The moment you allowed yourself to fall for someone else, to finally move on from that one great loss, he was torn away from you. But it’s not his fault.

It must've been infinitely worse to be Gojo himself, stuck in what was essentially a cursed deprivation chamber for any duration of time from eternity to an instant. Not sure if eons had passed or but a second. Not knowing if the world burned his absence and those who remained rued his name, or if it had survived and everyone moved on without him. If anyone even bothered looking for a way to free him. You tried to put yourself in his place, imagining if he had gone and found a third love while you were trapped. You would’ve been happy for him, but you couldn’t deny that the simple idea of it broke your heart.

After he emerged, you stood by his side, your hand in his as he was informed of everything that had happened—everyone that had died—during his imprisonment. With every word, his shoulders sloped more and more, crushed by the weight of the world in each consonant and each vowel.

He won’t talk about it with you. When you kissed his temple and stroked his hair, uncaring of your audience in Shoko and Ino, he’d sighed and leaned a little closer. But he was silent as stone.

You wish you knew what to say to him. The way he and Geto bantered was so instinctual, an easy back-and-forth like a tennis match. You can hold your own with him, no doubt. But you’ve also got a history of deepthroating your foot where he’s concerned, so you can understand why Gojo’s a little hesitant to confide in you. He’s never had to before, why should he start now?

Oh, maybe because you love each other and that’s what supportive partners do—lean on each other? If only he’d stick around long enough for you to just tell him that.

Naturally, he refuses to make anything easy for you. Satoru’s hardly alone these days. You can’t even fault him for spending every waking moment training. If he’s going up against the King of Curses, he’ll need every advantage he can get, no matter how confident he is. You support him where you can in that regard, but you have no choice but to ambush him in between sparring with Okkotsu and sparring with Maki to actually get a word in.

“Hey, dumbass,” you call as you approach. Where it might’ve elicited an equally dry ‘What’s up, shitlips?’ once upon a time, it now earns a tired smile. Not the ideal reaction.

“I didn’t do anything,” protests Satoru, allowing you to soften the insult with a quick kiss. He’s sitting on a bench with his legs wide enough for you to step in the space between, and he wraps his arms loosely around your waist. “Why’re you being such a meanie?”

“Why are you overcompensating?” The verbal suckerpunch gets him in the solar plexus, causing Gojo to stare up at you wide-eyed with his mouth falling open defensively. You press a finger to his lips. Satoru goes a little cross-eyed trying to focus on it, and so you flick him on the nose to retrieve his attention. “I get it, if it’s for the kids. You’re their teacher. You’re everything they want to be when they grow up, they see you as a protector, blah, blah. But you don’t have to be strong with me. I know you. I know you. You don’t have to pretend, okay?”

“Don’t I?”

That stings, probably more than he meant it to. You don’t imagine Satoru ever intends to be cruel, because even at his worst, his sadism is meant for curses. But you’d thought he considered you an equal. Or as close as one could be without being a special grade, at least. It was foolish of you to think that the wall between you had crumbled any, at least as far as your skill level was concerned. It’s been years since anyone ever talked about how you could’ve become the fourth special grade if you ever managed to get a tighter rein on your technique. Okkotsu’s taken your place since then.

Your teeth sink into your lower lip as you move closer to tuck his head into your sternum. “No, you don’t. We’re partners, aren’t we?” you whisper, running your fingers through his hair. Something warm stirs in your chest as his eyes flutter shut and he hums a quiet, pleased purr. You’re a haven to him. “You love me and I—I love you. That means you don’t have to do this alone.”

He says nothing at first, simply nuzzling closer. There’s no sound but your shared breath, steady and even. His arms tighten around you. It’s a little uncomfortable having to crane your neck down to kiss the top of Satoru’s head, but the little sigh he gives is worth it. It’s the little things with Gojo. With such a bombastic person, large and grandiose efforts are commonplace, attention-grabbing gestures all Satoru knows. The strongest must be larger than life. So you end up treasuring the opposite—the way his long, spindly fingers fit in the slits between yours, the way his long lashes tickle your cheek when you kiss, how he loves to rest his elbow on your shoulder when you stand next to each other, the perfect roost. These tiny bits combine to make everything feel grounded, real.

After a moment, he pulls away, and light starts to creep back into his eyes. They look more like the sky again, rather than an iceberg field in the Arctic Circle. Good. “Does that mean I can tap you in during the fight?” Satoru asks cheekily.

You toss your head and give an exaggerated tsk. “I haven’t decayed from my Grade One rank, I’ll have you know! I may not be a spring chicken, but I can still pack a punch!” For emphasis, you smash your fist into your other palm.

“Not a spring chicken?” Satoru repeats incredulously. “We’re the same age! What does that make me?!”

You tug lightly on a few strands of his snowy hair. “A geriatric old man, duh.”

He raises a brow. “Oh yeah? Could an old man do this?”

Satoru’s up on his feet in an instant, one hand sliding up your back and the other wrapping just below your shoulders as he dips you in a kiss. He savors it, plying gently past your lips with his tongue. Satoru moans as you slip your fingers through his locks, a sound that makes your lips and extremities tingle. He steals the breath from your lungs, and you don’t hate it.

“Well.” Your voice is but a rasp when he finally pulls away. The man radiates smugness. Somehow, you find it endearing. “I’m sure Harrison Ford could.”

Satoru’s face breaks open with a full, hearty, genuine laugh. Pulling you upright to use as an anchor, he buries his face into your neck. His entire body vibrates in tandem with his giggles, the warmth of his breath a pleasant sensation on your skin compared to the wintry frost around you. Satoru blinks as you use your index finger to tip his face upwards. “What is it?” he asks, a little breathless.

“I love your smile,” you tell him honestly. “I love you.”

His cheeks grow pink. You doubt it’s because of the cold, your heart fluttering at the thought. You’ve managed to make Gojo shy. In lieu of a verbal response, he gently rests his forehead against yours. You’re aware you’re probably obstructing the walkway, and that if any of the students happened upon you, they would violently gag, but you can’t bring yourself to care.

Satoru is here, in the flesh. You thought you’d lost him when he got sealed away, and then again when he emerged sweeping the broken pieces of himself under the rug. That even if you could hold him, it wouldn’t be the Satoru you loved, nor the Satoru who loved you. Who saw something broken in you that was worth cherishing, worth putting back together piece by painstaking piece. Who never faulted you for giving up but encouraged you to try again, whose heartbreak echoed yours and stood as proof that there was a brighter tomorrow. The Satoru who taught you it was okay to be okay again. You’re sick and tired of lost chances, of what-ifs and what-could-have-beens. Maybe that’s why the words finally, finally slip so easily from your mouth—so you wouldn’t ever miss the opportunity to tell him again.

Gojo rubs his cheek gently against yours, sharing his heat. He’s always run a little warm. “I promise that I’ll share my burdens with you from now on. Even if I can’t promise you won’t hate me by the end of it.” A solemn vow, the seriousness of his tone unfamiliar to you. But not unpleasant.

“I already knew loving you was going to be rotten work,” you tease. “That’s never bothered me. What you can promise me is that you’ll come back to me. Otherwise, I’ll bring you back as a curse when you die. You’re not getting rid of me that easily.”

Satoru chuckles. “Will you at least make sure I look prettier than Rika?”

“She heard that.” You have no idea how long Okkotsu’s been standing there—what he heard or saw, whether he’s going to blab to any of the other kids. There’s a small bemused grin on his face, but it’s eclipsed by the overall chagrin of his furrowed brows. He’s embarrassed for you. PDA at your old age? His generation probably thinks you look like two skeletons mashing their teeth together.

Breaking out of your frozen shock, you and Satoru share a glance. Then, after a moment, you break the silence with simultaneous cackling. It’s hard to tell whether it’s the situation or the looks on your faces that sparks such an interminable fit. You fall against each other in your laughter, using one another as a column. He’s sturdy and solid and he’s there for you. And that’s what you’ll be for Satoru too. Steady and strong and unmovable. Unbreakable. Everything he’s been for the world, you’ll be for him.

Whatever it takes.

[thebibutterflyao3]

Day 19 - Prompt: Note. @jegulus-microfic

December Daily Series - 500 words

Tw: threat of violence

<<<Previous Part Or Start Here

“Sirius, I need a drink. Now. Right now.” Regulus wasn’t taking “no” for an answer. “Later” wasn’t going to cut it either.

His brother stopped abruptly and frowned. “What? Why?”

“Listen to me very closely,” Regulus said, his voice dripping with condescension. “If you don’t take me to a pub, I’m going to violently shag your best friend. Is that what you want? Hmm?”

“As in…consensually? I mean, love is love, so-”

Sirius bit his lip hard, clearly fighting back a laugh. It was official. Regulus was going to strangle his brother, then shag James senseless, and ruin everyone’s holiday. It was not a laughing matter!

“I’m aware that you haven’t seen my ‘joking face’ in awhile,” he retorted, clenching his teeth. “I assure you that this isn’t it.”

“Oh, oh shite. Yeah, come on then,” Sirius said, smirk evaporating as he closed the space between them. He gripped Regulus’s shoulders and searched his face. “What’s wrong? Are you ill?”

“No, of course not. This is me, perfectly fucking fine.” Regulus was seething. If he didn’t numb this intense need to devour James immediately, he couldn’t promise the bloke would survive. His bite was notoriously sharp.

Sirius winced as he released him. “Yeah, right. Let me leave him a note at least. Then, we’ll go.”

By the time they reached the pub, Regulus was ready to rip the skin from his bones. The sight of James Potter jealous over him was entirely too much. He’d barely contained the visceral need to claim him, like a ravenous wildcat wrenching opening its jaws and eating him whole.

“Here, two shots to calm your tits and a gin and tonic to nurse,” Sirius said, grinning as he set the drinks on the table. “Go on.”

He ignored the shite joke and downed two vodka shots with a straight face. Regulus was in no mood to fuck around. He was here to get pissed and intended to succeed. He slammed the g&t for good measure as well.

“Whoa! Take it easy, Reggie. Your tolerance isn’t high enough for that.”

“Wrong. This won’t do much.”

Sirius huffed as he swivelled on his heel. “I’m ordering food this time too. I don’t want to carry your arse home.”

A basket of fries and a table full of drinks later left Regulus properly pissed. Sirius hadn’t bothered to keep up or mentioned his threat of violent sex with James. To be honest, he’d expected a repeat of his objection from earlier.

“You’re not curious what he did?” Regulus asked finally, slamming his umpteenth g&t on the table.

“Not really. James would never hurt you, so I assume it was something good that you can’t process.”

The fact that he was right was even more infuriating. “He defended me, Sirius. The prat…was jealous. Do you understand?”

“Mm-hmm. He’s hot when he does that.”

“For fuck’s sake, I will hurt you,” Regulus warned.

Sirius snorted a laugh and waved his hand. “Stand down, Phthonus. We’re just friends.”

Next Part>>>

[mxtantrights]

Bounded by blood and shadow (13)

azriel x magic!fem!reader

You’re having a nightmare. You know it’s a nightmare and yet you can’t stop it from grabbing hold of you and sinking you further into fear and despair. All you can do is watch.

Watch as Kynas sinks his sword into your brother. Behind the both of them are the bodies of everyone you’ve ever known. Cyril. The council members, the towns people, Semaj and his family. 

You try to scream but no sound comes out. Everything is silent. 

Azriel watches as you thrash around in your sleep. He was looking around the palace, trying to find anyone when he felt your fear down the bond. He raced to get to the room he placed you in. 

When he got there he saw you sleeping. He knew what it was instantly. 

He stood at the door, not wanting to crowd your space. But the more agitated you got the closer he moved.

That’s why he’s now standing over you and watching you sleep. Debating whether or not to wake you up. Some people need to ride it out for themselves, but others need to be woken up before they get into more of a fright. 

When you start screaming, like visceral blood curdling scream, is when Azriel has had enough. He grabs your shoulders and shakes you. Lightly at first. But when you don’t seem to respond and your thrashing becomes more violent he shakes you harder.

He's worried.

“Wake up!” He shouts.

-

You awaken with a gasp of air. You knock into something hard. You shut your eyes at the pain and reach up to rub the spot on your head that you hit. 

When you recognize the feeling of hands on your shoulders you open your eyes.

Azriel.

You had hit Azriel with your head. Right there in front of you his lip is bleeding. How did you end up hitting him? Why were you sleeping in the first place?

“What happened?” You ask.

“You passed out. Do you remember?” He asks you now.

You turn your head and think to yourself. Yes. You remember. Cyril and the other council members. The empty palace. Azriel telling you he’s stuck here.

You look at him again, “I remember.”

“Good. I’ve already sent a message out to the others, they’re going to meet us at the edge of the wards.” Azriel starts.

You can’t help how you focus goes from the words he’s speaking to the blood that lays vibrant on his bottom lip. You can feel it. You can feel your blood mixed with his.

Which meant he lied. He isn’t stuck here like he claims. But that doesn’t make sense does it? Why would he lie about that? 

You look up into his eyes. You haven’t heard a word he’s said past ‘wards’ and you don’t want to embarrass yourself and ask him to repeat them. 

“Did you see them?” You ask.

There is only one them you could be talking about here. And if he brought you inside the palace, and all the doors were still open, then he knows exactly who you’re talking about. 

You look away from him then, turning your head a bit to the left. So that you’re eyes can’t catch his again.

“Yes.” He says simply.

“I have to bury them, they deserve proper burials. And I have to—“ you start listing all the things you have to do.

Azriel’s grip on your shoulders goes tight. You stop talking. You hadn’t realized he was still touching you. One of his hands leaves your shoulder as it goes up to your chin.

He moves you face back forward, facing him. He lets go of you completely. 

“Take a breath. You just learned about their deaths, you need time.” He says.

You shake your head, “Time is the one thing I don’t have, Azriel.” 

He seems to go slack for some reason. It confuses you. He seems to pick up on your confusion and he smiles a bit. Sheepishly looking away from you.

“I think that’s the first time you said my name.” He speaks.

“No it’s not. In my mind I-“ You cut yourself off but you realize you’ve said enough for him to understand.

Great.

You clear your throat and rise to get out of bed. Azriel moves himself away from you, it's just a couple of inches but it’s enough. You think to yourself how you might have ruined something between the two of you.

If there is a two of you.

“I need to bury them. Today.” You say.

“Okay, I’ll help you.” He adds.

“And I need to get out of this dress.” You speak and turn your back to him.

You realize that you didn’t ask him to help you so he might just leave the room so that you can get undressed. But when you look over your shoulder you find him already there.

Gently he undoes the ties on the back of your dress until it becomes loose. You hold the front with your hands. You try not to think too much about the brush of his fingers against your back and the shivers you get in response.

-

You stick the shovel into the soil with a grunt. This is the last hole. It’s fitting the last body you will bury today is Cyril. He raised you. He told you how he wanted this to go to. Nothing fancy, no decorations. 

He said you could bring one—one single flower, and a candle to perform his last words. You don’t have a flower nearby or a candle, but you could atlas abide by his last wish.

Sadly you look down at your feet. Your hands interlocked.

“Can I use your blade?” You ask without turning to him.

You knew he had many on him. You didn’t care which one he gave to you. Any sharp object would do right now. 

A moment passes before, in your line of sight, his hand is holding out a blade. You take it into your hand, thanking him with a whisper.

You hesitate for just a second. This is really it. Your’e performing his last rites and you’ll truly never see him again. When you were younger life and death seemed so far from each other but now, as you stand upon the graves of seventeen people, life and death seem like similar things.

You press the blade down into your palm. When it cuts into the flesh, you pass the blade back to Azriel. He takes it without a word.

You hold out your palm over the soil.

“De dónde venimos y adónde regresamos.” You whisper the chant once.

You repeat it a second time with your eyes closed, the tears streaking your face. And for one last time you repeat the chant and open your eyes.

You let out a strangled breath and wipe the tears from your face. You turn to look at Azriel and see his head bowed. You watch him like that for a while. If you didn’t grow up here, and if you didn’t know everybody, you would think he belonged here just as much as you did.

He picks his head up. When his hazel eyes catches yours he takes a step back. The action just adds to your building confusion about him. 

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to overstep.” he says.

You shake your head at his words, “You didn’t. It’s okay.”

“What does it mean?” He asks.

You look at the grave now. 

You know he’s asking about the words you said. What’s the harm in him knowing? It’s not like he’ll be here long. And it’s not like the council will forbid you from telling him, they’re dead.

“From which we came, and to where we return.” You answer.

He nods his head once, “It’s beautiful.” 

“Cyril wouldn’t allow a speech. He begged me a few years ago to never let it happen.” You admit.

“I’m sorry for your loss.” Azriel says.

“Thank you,” you say then you take a step back, side by side with the shadow singer, “Are your friends here yet?” 

“I haven’t heard anything. We can go check.” He answers.

-

As the two of you walk in silence towards the edge of the wards you keep thinking to yourself. Why would he stay? This seems far more than finding out more information about you for Nesta. This seems like something more. 

“Thank you for helping me with the bodies.” You speak up.

“You shouldn’t have to go through that alone.” He answers.

“If my brother were here…” you trail off, you can’t say the words.

If he were here, you wouldn’t have to be. You wouldn’t have to bury Cyril and the council members. But you think it might not be his fault that he’s not here.

“Kynas, your ex husband, does he want to kill you?” Azriel asks. You shake your head, “I’m not too sure. He wants power, and he will kill to get it obviously. 

“So why not just kill you to get the throne?” He asks.

You let out a curt laugh. He was right. If Kynas was willing to kill the council members then he could easily go after you. You’d put up a fight but seeing as he’s a hundred years your senior, it wouldn’t be impossible for him to overpower you.

“Wow.” You comment.

“Apologies, I meant that—“ Azriel starts. “It’s okay Azriel I understand what you meant. I think he’s trying to assume the throne properly.”

“This is proper?” 

You sigh, “Getting rid of the council so no one can outvote him. Most likely taking me or my brother hostage so that we would trade the throne for one of your lives. As far as toppling monarchies go this is fairly smooth.” 

“I would hate to see what rough looks like.” Azriel says.

You want to laugh at that. You had seen what a rough transfer of power looked liked. It happened to your parents once. They had to abdicate the throne to a dictator. Of course they bid their time and planned well enough to take over once the dictator was killed. 

This wasn’t rough. But it also wasn’t easy.

Just as you’re about to say something a branch breaks behind the both of you. You both stop walking. You can feel the presence of someone in the woods with you and Azriel.

[corviiids]

back in your asks unfortunately you can’t get rid of me. i’m going to keep enablign you.

you bringing up the kr version of hurricane and the martyr complex light has in it is great bc what fascinates me about hurricane as a song is how radically different it is in different languages? as we all know in the manga light has this horrible visceral reaction to what he’s done. he looks like he’s gonna be sick when he has that guy hit by a truck. when ryuk turns up he admits that he’s been losing weight and barely sleeping. but the musicals differ so massively in how light is portrayed? because in english light seems to have this very strong sense of justice from the start - in where is the justice he denounces the corporations corrupting the legal system and asks “how can we turn away and say that’s just the way things are?” and then in hurricane he hardly seems upset at all by what he’s done. he seems vaguely surprised at how easy it was and then turns around and sings about how he’s got this insanely strong, perfect, untraceable power that he’s going to use to deliver righteous retribution. BUT then the jp versions of witj and hurricane are much less certain and light seems more horrified and then hopeful. the focus is on creating a perfect world, not necessarily punishment. he’s more a glass half full kinda guy. and then it changes AGAIN in the kr. it’s so fascinating he is a completely different version of himself in all three versions and i just need to ask. what are your opinions on this. am i making this up. do you understand how my brain is firing

you are NOT making this up and i DO understand how your brain is firing. listen. listen. in that same post about light/achilles (intertextual comparison not ship) (although?) and prompted by a response from someone else cool i reposted these tweets (which you have literally just seen because i shoved them at you but ill post them again so everyone can see)

to me it is like, very key that every iteration of light yagami SEEMS really different. in their behaviour, their values, what it takes to push them to acting and how they react, etc - obv you've brought up light as he appears in the three most well known languages the musical exists in, but i also am a huge fan of comparing his animanga self (already two different iterations to an extent) with the tv drama, which has maybe the most distinctive version of light out of all of them and which i BELIEVE? drew criticism? but i am not 100% because i was not here for this because i watched death note for the first time in fucking february. because i am hip with the kids. #rad

anyway this is part of a much larger ramble of mine that i am not really doing justice here but i actually really like that that version of light is so incredibly different - and yet he really isnt, somehow, because he ends up not only at the same ending but recognisable as the same person. that's what i think is so interesting! these differences are undeniably there and they're BIG - as you said, between musicals he ranges from being a vengeful guy on a power trip to being an idealist with a martyr complex, and you'd think those are two totally different sets of core values. between animanga vs tv drama he goes from being this cool and collected hyper prepared cynical idealist to being a depressed nihilist who's working extremely hard to shed his own ability so he doesn't have to deal with the pain of caring. again, these seem, and factually are, completely different sets of values.

and yet they're actually perfectly reconcilable. every iteration of light no matter how distinct and no matter how much their core values seem to oppose or contradict each other ends up reconciling into the same guy partway through the story, where all of these different directions he's been going in all converge. his priorities even out - regardless of if it was the power trip that came first or the desire for the perfect world, they balance ultimately and coexist. regardless of whether his idealism led him to bitter radicalisation or nihilism, they also balance ultimately and coexist. is light affected by his first murder? yes - how does it show it? that differs, but none of the lights are actually deluded enough to think that murder is good. they all think it's bad but defensible and justifiable and then visibly cope with that fact in different ways. light looks like a VERY different man depending on which of his values are being pushed to the fore in a given interpretation, but all that really does is serve to spell out exactly how complex he is internally once you watch them all converge at around similar points in the story, even when at the barest and most uncharitable interpretation he just looks like a maniacal serial killer with a delusional god complex. this is why i like him so much unfortunately

also none of this applies to netflix light who is irreconcilable and irredeemable. and white

[seoul-bros]

The Future of Jikook

After watching the video and GMA soundcheck performance on Friday and then seeing all the contradictory reactions on line to the song and its reception, I have been quietly mulling things over here in my little corner of the internet.

There are so many fan feelings conflating here. Those who want JK to turn into the BTS Harry Styles, those who are still smarting over the way changes to BB affected the trajectory of FACE, those who feel that the breakout of one member is a threat to ever seeing BTS as a band again. It makes for a tense, emotional and chaotic time on-line especially on Twitter where people tend to have a knee jerk reaction to anything that is said and nuance is completely lost.

Look into yourself and I am sure you will find a whole load of contradictory emotions lapping at your consciousness right now. What I have found myself thinking however, is how does all this noise affect the members and in particular Jimin and Jungkook?

Making Choices

One question that came to mind was why did Jungkook pick this song for his solo debut. What is it that he likes about it and how does that differ from the way SB sees or is marketing the song. During Festa 2023 I commented on the transformation that JK has been through since last year. He has made a conscious effort to shake off the maknae part of the golden maknae starting with his deal with Calvin Klein and all the swooning I am seeing on Tumblr shows that he has succeeded. As Yoongi said, JK is all grown up.

Then I was thinking about JK's musical choices, who and what he listens to and I remembered earlier this year he sang the Sam Smith and Kim Petras hit Unholy on one of his lives. If you also recall he later scolded Jimin for being prudish about the song on his own live.

Twitter Link

JK was obviously ready to move into more explicit territory even then. So what about Seven made him think this is the song that launches me as the new and more mature JK.

I think for one thing, the lyrics are sensual and not gender specific. I am in the "loving you right" lyric camp because it gives a more mutual gratification feel to the song in keeping with the other lyrics as opposed to the macho stud, I'm a sex machine, version.

Jungkook wants to ease his lover's mind, he want to trace their lines, he loves how they wrap around him when they make love, he is devoted, his love runs deep and when they are together he wants to make sure his lover is satisfied and feeling that afterglow.

So yes JK is going to be talking about sex from now on along with almost everyone else in the Western music industry. Along with Jimin for example. As a side note, I still don't quite understand my overwhelmingly visceral reaction to the Like Crazy MV. It's f**king art and so is he.

Now SB and his cronies know the audience they are playing to and we will get symbolically het videos both for this and what is rumoured to be his completely English speaking solo album but even this video, which to be honest I have dumped in favour of the live performance and the choreo video, went for humour rather than full out fangirl wish fulfillment. I mean that may also come but I get the feeling that somewhere down the line they are going to need to pivot hard.

What do jikook want?

Secondly, I was thinking what do jikook want both severally and individually. All the members have an enviable work ethic and a deep love of music but the emphasis that these two and JHope put on performance is legendary. Look at Jimin here monitoring between shoots for his music shows in the behind the scenes video this week. He is serious about giving his best even when he himself is not in the best physical condition.

They are both ambitious and are looking for longevity in the industry and importantly, and prefacing this with an, in my opinion, this is something they want to do together. Neither wants the other to get left behind and I think that is what they are fighting for right now.

Whatever you think about their bond, it cannot be dismissed and the sequence of events of the last few weeks for me just reinforces that. Everyone noticed the way their relationship was highlighted in the Beyond the Story book (just started my copy yesterday but I couldn't resist the spoilers last week) to the extent that Variety went on a fishing expedition which JK expertly deflected.

Jimin is in New York right now and Jikook were seen dining together the night he arrived. We don't know what Jimin's schedule is but we can assume that he will take advantage of the visit to also support Jungkook as he has done with the other members when his schedule allowed. Jungkook is important to Jimin and vice versa.

Has everyone already forgotten the amount of promo that JK has done for Jimin over the last few months. Here he is listening to JKIVE's Golden Hour who we later found out was collaborating with Jimin on Angel Parts I and II.

So this is the perspective that I am going to adopt from here on in when I react to content. I am going to ask myself does my reaction help or hinder jikook in being able to continue working together towards their aim of further success in the music industry. I will veto anything designed to drive a wedge between them, be that from the company or the fans and I will continue to work hard for them in the way that a fan can buying, streaming and supporting their music and their content. There is even word on the grapevine that there maybe some jikook collaboration and/or content on the way. I'll be watching out for that.

Wow quick update something is definitely coming.

Post Date: 16/07/2023

[pikahlua]

I hope I'm not pestering you at this point, but when exactly do you think he changed his idea of what being the number 1 meant to the extent that he no longer cared about the actually title? Because I got the impression that he'd accepted his weakness when compared to Midoriya under the condition that he would surpass him in the future, based on what he said during the War when trying to keep up with Deku. I kind of thought his visceral reaction to failing to truly damage Shigaraki, and him embracing the damage his awakening was doing to himself to kind of imitate Deku and the power he achieved with his self-sacrificial mindset, kinda supported that. How off am I?

Sorry if I'm making you repeat things you've said.

Oh, you're not off at all. Forgive me, I did not originally understand your meaning in the first question:

Do you think there's going to be a moment where Bakugou comes to terms with the fact that he might never be the number 1 the way he wanted? I can see the story is going on a "save to win" route, but I've been curious about how him realizing his most powerful attacked only grazed Shigaraki will play out.

I thought by not being "the number 1 the way he wanted," you meant his original idea of it from the beginning of the series--the "win no matter what" mentality without a thought for saving anybody. I see now you meant something different.

It sounds like you were asking if Katsuki will ever face the possibility that he may never surpass Izuku or be able to reach Izuku's level when it comes to firepower, that Katsuki may be in Endeavor's situation (not with Endeavor's mindset though) where he constantly sees how wide the gap between them is and must reconcile with that, that Katsuki may have to settle on a "number one" where he surpasses Izuku not with his own strength but only with help from others (i.e. teamwork).

To which I must say, uh, western fans, we gotta talk.

Anon, you may not be guilty of harboring the idea I'm about to challenge, but I see this one particular sentiment all over the place in the English-speaking fandom, and I really need to make something clear to everyone:

Horikoshi has never stated there is an upper limit on any character's power growth potential--NOT EVEN IZUKU'S.

Don't get confused by the "100% One For All" thing. That's a measure of how much of One For All Izuku is USING. It's meant to compare with how much power All Might could use at 100%--but Izuku's real 100% will be different. One For All didn't just get more powerful by being passed on. Each user before Izuku, including notably Shinomori, cultivated and improved the power. Izuku will do so too. His current 100% is not his end-all-be-all 100% over the course of his life. Izuku can train and work hard and grow and make One For All stronger, too.

And Izuku isn't the only one who can do this. Anyone, Katuski included, can improve their quirk. They don't have some set 100% limit they can't increase with enough effort.

To which you might say: okay, but realistically, there is SOME upper limit to that, right?

But actually...no. This is manga/anime, not real life. And shounen manga is particularly notorious for its focus on effort and improvement through hard work. This is a time-honored tradition of the genre dating all the way back to Son Goku of Dragonball (and probably even further back too). The upper limits of Goku's power growth become so absolutely ludicrous as his series carries on and needs him to grow stronger--SO HE JUST GETS STRONGER. That's like the EPITOME of what he is: someone who wants to get stronger so he works to get stronger and, lo and behold, he gets stronger!

And lest we forget, Horikoshi has named Goku as one of his ideals of a "hero," as one of the characters from whom All Might (and by extension Katsuki) takes inspiration.

You know how each generation of quirks has greater potential than the last? This is a direct parallel of One For All's evolution. It showcases that ALL quirks have the ability to evolve into something powerful just like One For All did; it's just a matter of what the quirk user does with it. And each generation can cultivate their quirk and pass it along to get even stronger too. If you want to be a real stickler about how maybe only CERTAIN generations of quirks could surpass One For All, sure, fine, whatever (actually not fine but I'll deal with this later*). We don't know which generation of quirk users Katsuki falls into, and there's a real chance he doesn't know either. But he was born in the same generation as Izuku, so there's no reason his quirk can't be of a ninth generation too. So, he has every reason to believe he could become just as strong as Izuku. He always believed he could surpass All Might, after all.

*Okay let's deal with this little nugget now. Does the ordinal generation of Katsuki's quirk really matter? Not really. Izuku's power was cultivated by many as a theme, but he acknowledges his is a strength made from others'. That doesn't make One For All inherently the best quirk ever, just that it was able to become so strong BECAUSE of others. If the others had done nothing with it, it wouldn't have become so powerful. MHA acknowledges there are other important and good ways of improving one's power: through hard work and effort. It's not that one form of cultivation is absolutely better than the other, just that they both have their uses--and that BOTH TOGETHER would be the best route to improve one's power. This ties into how Japan traditionally views talent and intelligence as products of hard work and improvement in contrast to how the west traditionally views these things as inherent and set at birth. If you're unaware, the Japanese word for "quirk," kosei, translates to "individuality/personality." Individuality/personality is also one of those traits a person has that can be seen as inherent or cultivated--but really it's a product of BOTH. The question of nature versus nurture, as always, is answered with "well actually, both nature and nurture play a part."

(If you want to go off on a tangent with this, go read whatever is the latest version of @siflshonen's Katsuki Bakugou powerpoint presentation on their blog at the time you are reading this.)

Now, I told you all that to tell you this:

Katsuki should never have to face the idea that he will never be able to be number 1 because it's simply not true.

Katsuki has every potential to surpass Izuku. If Izuku were to be satisfied with his quirk's growth and call it quits, Katsuki's quirk's growth would eventually outshine his GUARANTEED. It's because Katsuki is that kind of character, and this is demonstrated in spades throughout the entire manga. Gosh, remember when Izuku said he was only using 8% of OFA in Deku vs Kacchan, Part 2? Remember how the fandom assumed he would dwarf everyone else in comparison as he progressed further down the line?

And remember how Katsuki "grit his teeth to keep from falling behind"?

Everyone's always going on about how Izuku's power will someday eclipse everyone else's, but he's had that monstrous OFA power with him all along since he got it. He just has to improve his BODY to match OFA's power. Has no one really put any thought to how absolutely BATSHIT it is that Katsuki kept up with him? After Katsuki's growth had stalled for so long?

Remember, Izuku's raw power surpassed Katsuki's in DvK2. So by the time of the Paranormal Liberation War, Katsuki developed his quirk to match OFA at 30% in the same amount of time it took Izuku just to develop his body to handle that much OFA. If we're gonna get into the western versions of power-scaling where we care about natural limits...

THE HEIGHTS OF KATSUKI'S "NATURAL" LIMITS ARE EMPIRICALLY ASTRONOMICALLY INSANE.

So, I come back to something you said:

I kind of thought his visceral reaction to failing to truly damage Shigaraki, and him embracing the damage his awakening was doing to himself to kind of imitate Deku and the power he achieved with his self-sacrificial mindset, kinda supported that.

...and to something I said:

But if you mean he'll reconcile with how his firepower compares to TomurAFO's, I'd say, uh, keep an eye out, because already he's had a quirk upgrade since he tried his Howitzer Cluster on TomurAFO. It's very likely that is no longer the upper limit of his capabilities. And that's just assuming he hasn't achieved any other power ups yet/won't get another one soon.

Katsuki's Howitzer Impact Cluster vs TomurAFO was a single snapshot in time. Katsuki has already had a quirk upgrade since then, and as you so aptly pointed out, he's had a sort of philosophical/meta upgrade too as he emulated Izuku. I doubt these will be the last improvements he experiences in his life. He was always held back from surpassing Izuku by the story because he was missing such a huge part of being a hero: saving people. But that's been resolved now. He and Izuku will be rivals who challenge each other to be better for the rest of their lives, and I doubt either one of them will ever truly pull away from the other in terms of raw potential (at least not for long). Katsuki may have instances of self-doubt, of course. He even may at some point acknowledge Izuku as his superior. But I don't think that's a reason for him to ever lose hope or give up. I think there's plenty of reason for anyone to believe it's possible for him to surpass Izuku someday. After all, All Might was considered the best hero of his age not because of his strength but because of his spirit.

And Katsuki's sure got a shitton of spirit.

[neptunescore]

I’m the active Zack brown hater anon from a while back and some hot takes from me is that people need to understand that drivers can fight with each other!! (And fans need to stop babying drivers…) Maybe it’s because I’m used to seeing fights from players in other sports but one thing I think if very hypocritical of people is that if you want competition you need to understand there WILL be fights. You can’t hate on drivers winning all the time and then say they’re a hypocrite when they fight with other drivers or their teams because they lost out on a win. If you want F1 to be like any other sport every fan, (mostly the new one’s but not everyone) needs to understand they aren’t family. They will always be “coworkers” at best but by default everyone are rivals and fighting for a title, yes, even their teammates.

I think I’m mainly upset at this because of the recent backlash at many drivers. One with Carlos taking out Albon. It wasn’t at all Carlos fault it was simply bad luck yet people are acting seriously that Carlos won’t get that Williams deal. This isn’t a sport where oh no we won’t sign you because you did something to our current driver. F1 teams will always think about their future, not about the little family fans think everyone is (I’m looking at you McLauren…).

this now is a side note but people couldn’t handle Max pushing Esteban or George, the fanbase doesn’t understand players in a sport will always be competitive and have the right to be angry! (Even if they may be wrong in the moment, but I’m not specifically saying Max was wrong in this context)

F1 is a dangerous sport in all so every driver has a right to be mad at each other all in all if anything happens on track. It’s good they aren’t out right brawling and I’m happy there is not but I also think fans should not baby the drivers when arguments happen (with fellow drivers or their team…) Thank you for coming to my ted talk.

Calling u the ZB❌️ anon bc for some reason that's hilarious to me, and it's smthng we both feel viscerally abt😤

You're literally the love of my life😌😘. And ur takes are never wrong, and we need to get married right now🤭🤗

No but srsly, UGH as an f1 fan that's been here for a while seeing SOME (not all of you, dw most of u guys are lovely) of these new fans come in and coddle drivers (excessively) is so ANNOYIMG to me because are they forgetting this is an actual SPORT?? a VERY competitive one at that.

Like, OF COURSE, ur going to see heated moments between drivers, OF COURSE ur driver is gonna get caught up in a racing incident, OF COURSE, his teammate will try to overtake/ race against him when given the chance (talking abt the lewis and george fight in canada)??? They're all competing against each other. WHAT DO YOU EXPECT??

Don't even get me started abt fans who get pissed at drivers due to basic racing incidents, like??? I get being annoyed in the moment, but to go and shit post abt that driver on ur social media later is just WILD to me.

Anywayy, I agree with everything uve brought up, and thank u for gracing my inbox ZB❌️ anon <3

[undertheopensky]

WAIT ACE FOUR 👀👀👀👀👀👀

Asdfgh this one is both my baby and the one I hoped no one would notice -

Fuck this'll be a long one

First off, it's A/B/O verse, but it's not even slightly about the sex. It's more exploring what it's like being in a world that's obsessed with sex when you're... not. And everyone thinks there's something wrong with you, you must have had bad experiences, you must be sick, you must need to be fixed -

It's an incredibly unsubtle allegory for my own experiences as an ace person in reality.

In this, Four as a person operates as a collective of the Colours; though each of them is an individual they contribute to the whole. They're always present, and Four as 'himself' is not a separate person. However, they're not 'out' to the Chain yet.

Each of the Colours is asexual, in a slightly different way:

Red is sex-repulsed. He dislikes sex and the sensations, and finds it unpleasant, uncomfortable, and gross.

Vio is sex indifferent to mildly repulsed. He's fairly neutral on the sensations, sliding towards the repulsed end of the scale; he finds it somewhere between annoying, unpleasant, and boring. Sometimes he finds a morbid sort of academic interest only to wind up grossing himself out.

Blue is severely sex repulsed. He viscerally dislikes the concept of sex, the sensations involved, and even the sensation of arousal - he finds the whole thing disgusting and horrifying and awful, and it makes him nauseous just thinking about it.

Green is sex favourable. He still doesn't experience sexual attraction, but he's the only one of the four who finds the associated sensations pleasant. Privately, he considers himself a little weird for it, and tries not to let on to the others that it bothers him, that he likes something they all consider something between ‘meh’ and ‘disgusting’.

All the above^? Is compounded by the fact that as Four, they're biologically an omega. Heats induce arousal and sexual interest - which three out of four of them actively dislike, and the fourth isn't actually all that interested in to boot. Add in the way it makes it hard to focus and think, and their 'collective' breaks down.

This is all made worse by the exploration of being transgender in an A/B/O verse - Red and Vio are omegas, and Blue and Green are alphas. So everyone feels wrong and horrible and wants to die whenever heats come around. They're constantly switching in and out of control, upset over the sensations, sick and miserable and horrified, fighting with each other and knowing the whole time they can't fix it and wanting it all to stop -

When I first designed this verse and got stuck into it, I wasn't diagnosed at the time, but it turns out I have quite severe PMDD, so I was most DEFINITELY projecting on Four. Regularly dealing with something that everyone else thinks is no big deal when it's literally a struggle not to go fetch a knife from the kitchen -?

In general, the verse looks at being ace in a world that has no concept of it, various forms of aphobia including in a medical setting, the difficulty of your own body betraying you and having literally no one who understands.

(Though at the very least, the Colours have each other.)

[max1461]

From @raginrayguns:

More generally, I think I have a much more uh. I don't know what to call it. I think lots of ethics and aesthetics does and should cash out in very "practical" stuff like having money and not dying, you think it's much more arbitrary and "practical"-sounding justifications are ad hoc. But also my view leaves a lot of room for like, simple pleasures that are part "behavioral loops" that result in practical stuff. Like, don't just clean your house in order to avoid getting sick from black mold etc, tidy it and make it look nice and decorate it. Don't just take care of your health, instead try to make your body more to your tastes not just in health and function but also in appearance and gender expression. Objectivists are like this too, that's why there's so much sex and partying in Atlas Shrugged and the evil dictator is a slob (it keeps mentioning that his shirt has a droopy collar and he doesn't get it starched).

So, for me, it's not exactly that I think ethics and aesthetics are especially arbitrary in actuality, it's more that I think it's better to model them that way.

Like, in reality I do think that a lot of the desires that people have cash out to a small-ish set of "practical"/"visceral" desires, things like self-preservation, desire for food, for sex, for companionship, for admiration, for entertainment, etc. And even a lot of these basic desires share an evolutionary origin, e.g. we evolved to want food because that urge is useful to keep us alive and so on. But, speaking about any individual person and why they seek out food, their answer isn't going to be "because I want to survive, and I rationally concluded that food is necessary for that". It's mostly a pre-rational urge, they're hungry so they seek food. It's effectively axiomatic. This is evident in the fact that they may eat foods which actually aren't good for their survival, like junk food, because those foods taste better or sate their hunger better, etc. People also usually have a desire to survive, which might be strong enough to motivate them to stop eating junk food, but it's certainly best to model these two desires as separate things, individually axiomatic and sometimes conflicting, even though in a biological sense they derive from the same place.

Right, so, I assume(?) you agree already to some degree or another with the above, it seems pretty necessary for modeling human behavior. But I think that what I do is basically to extend this model to more types of desires, even those that indeed may be rationally derived from more "basic" ones as above. Like, if someone tells me they want to live in a snowy, cold weather place... maybe it's because they feel better at that temperature, or they like the smell of pines, or they are more attracted to the way people dress in cold-weather climates, or whatever. Probably it's a complicated mix of a bunch of factors. Unless I know them really well, I can't model all that. So it's useful to just be like "what they want is to live in a cold place; noted" and treat it as basically an axiom.

I guess this is all really tied up in the way that I see ethics generally, which is something that I think about as like, diplomacy, negotiation, an attempt at finding a satisfactory compromise between different people with different wants. So it's useful to think in terms of "what demands are people laying out? What's on the bargaining table?". I can't possibly model everyone's internal reasons for wanting what they want, what I need is an understanding of what people seem to want, and knowledge of how they're willing to trade some wants off against others. Obviously internal modeling can help with this, but at a certain point it's not practically achievable. You just gotta take people's word for it.

Right, so, that's part of it. But the other part is that I think this kind of, uh, official agnosticism towards where desires come from is useful for dealing with psychological variation. Because while it's true that lots of people's desires seem to cash out to a small generating set common to most of us, I think it's also true that some of our desires cannot be derived from this set, and furthermore that perhaps most of us have at least a few desires of this type.

Like, a big part of this is informed by being unusual in various ways (I don't love "neurodivergent", but it's true), and having to argue with people to get my needs met.

A lot of people seem really dedicated to their own substantive system of right and wrong, derived from what they think the wants and needs of "ordinary" people are. Often I'll have some need that is not covered by this, and I'll go "look, I have need X, I'm happy to go out of my way and do Y to accommodate the fact that I am asking you to be considerate of X, let's figure out something that can work for both of us". And their response is very often something like "no, [according to my substantive ethics] it's unfair of you to ask X, and it would also be unfair of me to ask Y ". So what's happening here is that their dedication to this substantive system is getting in the way of them making a compromise that would be good for everyone. And I then need to frame my own need X in terms of some substantive things that they already endorse, make it comprehensible within their system, before they take it seriously as a negotiating point. I find things much easier when people are willing to skip the substantive analysis step and just go straight to "ok, you want X, I want Y, let's negotiate".

So that's really where this is coming from. Yes, I think the bulk of human desires seem to derive from some fairly small set of axioms/terminal goals/whatever, but I also think:

It's really hard to know what exactly is in that set, and to usefully predict what people's on-the-ground desires will be from it, because modeling people psychologically is hard.

There is enough psychological variation in people that an individual's own personal set of terminal goals may differ from the consensus set in a morally- or socially-relevant way, and this happens often.

And so if you see ethics as being about negotiating some sort of "ideal" compromise between different people with different desires, it's better to imagine that anyone could walk up to you one day with basically any old want and be prepared (at least in some philosophical sense) to be able to handle that.

Uh, something like that.