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the-bau-quinjet · 3 years

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A Song For You

Steve Rogers x Singer!Reader

Summary: Snippets of Steve and Reader's life together as she sings a song she wrote for him.

Warnings: mention of car accident, parents dying, mostly just fluff though

Word Count: 6413

a/n: this is a mess, but I'm happy with it. It's basically a series of blurbs that are not in chronological order so I could follow the song. It's inspired by Like My Father by Jax. :) Sorry if it's confusing, hopefully it all makes sense at the end

Masterlist

Steve had been gone for months on a mission. It wasn’t often his missions lasted that long, so of course one of the few times it happened Y/N needed to tell him something important.

She shook off the annoyance as she got ready for Tony’s gala. He wanted to celebrate the successful mission as soon as Steve and Bucky came home. Of course, everyone tried to reason with him that waiting would be better so that the two super soldiers wouldn’t be exhausted, but Tony refused to listen to logic.

“Nonsense. We’re having the party as soon as they arrive.” He stated matter-of-factly before turning to Y/N. “And you, my dear, are going to sing.”

“Tony, maybe you could at least pretend to phrase it as a question?” Pepper scolded, eyeing the woman in question apologetically.

“Sorry. Will you sing at my party?” He grinned, knowing Y/N would say yes since Tony probably already told everyone she would be performing.

“Tony, you’re a menace.” She eyed him before nodding.

“I am, and you’re wonderful!” He exclaimed. “I happen to know you’ve been working on a new song. Care to sing it for Steve at the party?” He grinned.

“I don’t know how you know about that song, but fine. I think he would like it. Avengers only though! I’ll sing something else for all the guests.”

She rolled her eyes at the memory as she finished getting ready. Luckily she was ready early because Tony came running into the room in a panic.

“He’s here!” Tony’s smile widened as he thought about the nights events. “Let’s go!” He practically pulled her from the room, far too eager to share news that wasn’t his.

Tony had Y/N set up on stage right in time for Bucky and Steve to arrive. She sat behind a piano, ready and waiting for Tony’s cue.

As the guests of honor entered the main ballroom, Tony stepped up to the microphone. Steve stared at Y/N with questioning eyes while ignoring Tony’s speech. She smiled lightly, shaking her head at Tony in an effort to explain.

Steve laughed to himself, wishing for nothing more than to hold her after a long 5 months away.

“Give it up for Y/N L/N!” Tony’s introduction came to a close, signaling for her to start playing. It really was over the top considering he was only introducing her to the people who have become family to her, but she let him do his thing.

“Thanks, Tony.” She smiled fondly at Steve before introducing the song. “I wrote this song for someone special. As you all know, my parents died in a car accident a few years ago. Don’t worry, the song’s not that sad.” She earned a few laughs from her friends before she continued. “Ever since I was little, I wanted a love like theirs. It seemed so magical. Well, I found that love.” She smiled at Steve again.

“This one is called Like My Father.” With the name of the song announce, she started singing. Her eyes never left Steve’s.

I wanna come home to roses

Today had been the day from hell for Y/N. First, she woke up late due to accidentally setting her alarm for 6 pm instead of 6 am. She rushed to get out of the tower on time, only for the subway line she was supposed to take to be closed for repairs, making rushing a complete waste since she was going to be late anyway.

In her haste to leave on time, she forwent breakfast which only made her more irritable. By the time she made it to the studio, she had missed her morning meeting and had to play catchup.

The day only got worse from there. Something went wrong with every song she was meant to work on. Sometimes it was a small thing, like a guitar being out of tune. Other times, the song just didn’t feel right. No matter how many different ideas she tried to work on, she just kept running in circles.

By lunch, she was ready to give up and just go home. Unfortunately, her label was having a meeting to discuss progress for the next album’s lead single. So instead, she tried to cheer herself up with her favorite lunch. Just when she was sitting down to eat, someone bumped into her and spilled the entire meal onto the floor.

Suffice to say, by the end of the day, she was ready to collapse into her boyfriend’s arms and sleep the weekend away. However, her boyfriend was currently on a mission out saving the world, so not even he would be able to lift her spirits this time.

She trudged down the hall toward their shared apartment, eager to take a shower and lay down. It wouldn’t be as comforting without Steve, but it was still better than nothing. Finally reaching the door, she turned the key and shoved her way inside. Instantly, she stopped in her tracks.

The scent of tomato sauce filled the air. The soft sounds of Steve’s old music floated through the air, further adding to the welcoming atmosphere. She stood frozen, eyes filling with tears when Steve noticed her. He smiled, too far away to notice the tears, before turning around to get something from the counter. He held whatever it was in both hands behind his back as he walked up to her, a frown slowly forming as he noticed her expression.

“What’s wrong?” He questioned, hands instantly moving around his body to hold her only to be impaired by a beautiful bouquet of white and peach colored roses. Her tears fell despite her smile. She eagerly took the flowers, throwing her arms around him in a tight hug.

“I’m so happy you’re home.” She took a few deep breaths, calming herself before leaning back to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” Steve replied easily. “Do you want to talk about it?” Despite not knowing exactly what happened, Steve could tell she had a bad day.

She shook her head, her small smile growing as she inhaled the scent of the roses. “No, I just want to be with you.” She leaned further into the embrace, relishing in the comfort Steve always provided.

“That can be arranged.” Steve smiled, carrying her to the couch to eat.

And dirty little notes on post-its

Three weeks. It had been three weeks since Steve left for his mission and Y/N was still finding his notes around their shared apartment. Every time she added a newly found note to the box, she read through all the previous notes as well. It never failed to cheer her up.

Most of them were simple comments about how much he loved her. Little sayings like “I love you to the moon and back” or “My love for you is as endless as space.” Despite the cheesiness, she couldn’t help but smile with each new note found.

But this newest note was… different. The 21 words scrawled on a bright blue post-it had her flushing instantly.

“I miss the way you feel pressed up against me, can’t wait to come home and pin you against the wall”

Suffice to say, Steve couldn’t come home soon enough.

And when my hair starts turning gray, he’ll say I’m like a fine wine better with age.

“Oh my god.” Her voice was flat as she emerged from their shared bedroom dressed for another one of Tony’s galas. Steve turned to look at her, eyebrows raised.

“What? You look amazing.” He smirked when she blushed.

“Steve. I just found a gray hair.” She pouted, holding the offending piece of hair between her thumb and pointer. “Is this what it feels like to be old?”

“You’re not old.” He chuckled at her dramatics. “And even when all of your hair is gray, I’ll love you even more. Like cheese…” He paused, trying to think of a better comparison. “And wine, you just get better with age.”

“Yeah, whatever.” She rolled her eyes before moving to throw the hair away.

“I mean it. I’m going to love you for the rest of our lives.” He smiled, a familiar fondness in his eyes. She moved closer to embrace him.

“I love you too.”

I guess I learned it from my parents, that true love starts with friendship.

She was nearly running down the street, doing her best to slow down the dog pulling her forward.

“Hudson! Stop!” She tried to speak calmly like her manager- the dog’s owner- instructed, but it was no use. Hudson would not stop running, no matter how hard she tried to make him. “Hudson!” She yelled his name again, surprised when he actually halted.

So surprised in fact, that she was still hurtling forwards, tripping over the now stationary animal. She braced herself for impact, eyes squeezing shut and hands sticking out to catch herself, only for the impact to never come. Instead, two warms hands caught her mid-fall.

Her eyes shot open, heart racing and breathing labored. The man who caught her helped her steady herself on her feet before letting go, smiling sheepishly.

“Thank you.” She breathed out, still taken aback by the turn of events.

“You’re welcome.” He replied kindly. “You’re dog’s pretty strong.” His grimace at his own awkwardness went unnoticed by her as she looked at the dog in question.

“My friends’ dog actually. I’m dog sitting this week.” She smiled, relieved to shift the topic of conversation from her to the dog. “He normally listens really well, but I guess he really wanted to get to the park. I’m Y/N, and this here is Hudson.”

“Nice to meet you both, I’m Steve.” He shook her hand, blushing slightly from the contact. Before she could reply, Hudson leaped at a squirrel, pulling her off balance again. Steve reached out to steady her again.

“Here, let me help.” He shifted the leash from her hand to his own, having a much easier time resisting Hudson’s pulling.

“Thank you… again.” She smiled.

The two walked around the park with Hudson every day that week, becoming fast friends. She wasn’t offended when he didn’t recognize her as one of the biggest names in music, just as he wasn’t offended it took three walks for her to realize he was that Steve Rogers.

They understood each other, despite the wild differences in occupation. Steve could easily relate to Y/N’s aversion to the media. Y/N knew what it felt like to have a team of people relying on you. The two just clicked, and thus a beautiful friendship was formed.

A kiss on the forehead. A date night.

“Hey Steve.” She greeted him warmly when they met up for their weekly coffee. He smiled, but didn’t verbally respond.

The two got their coffee, sitting at a table hidden towards the back. Steve’s replies were short, as if he was thinking of something else during their conversation. By the fifth comment of hers that he merely nodded his head or hummed in response too, Y/N decided to address it. “Are you okay?”

“Go out with me.” He replied quickly, eyes going wide when he realized what he said. Her own eyes widened in response, taken by surprise. “Sorry! I just, I mean- let me start over.” He pleaded, relief filling him when she nodded.

“We’ve been friends for a while now…” She nodded along, eyes still wide. “But, I want more. Let me take you to dinner. And not like we’ve been doing. Let me take you on a date?” He smiled nervously, hands fidgeting with the lid of his coffee cup.

“I’d like that.” She replied simply, unable to form a more complicated sentence due to the butterflies in her stomach.

“Yeah?” He released his breath, unaware he had been holding it. When she nodded, a wide smile appeared on his face. “Good. I’ll pick you up at 7 tomorrow night.”

“You mean I have to wait?” She pouted playfully as they both stood up to leave. He laughed, moving his arm around her shoulders to guide her out of the cafe.

“Just until tomorrow.” He smiled fondly, pressing a kiss to her forehead before helping her into her car.

“Tomorrow then.” She smiled. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough.

Fake an apology after a fight

“Y/N?” Steve questioned as he entered their apartment. He looked around, unsurprised to see her covered in blankets on the couch. “I’m sorry.” He tried for a small smile, knowing it was of no real use.

“No you’re not.” She pouted, rolling her eyes. “But I forgive you anyway.” She gestured for him to join her on the couch. He jumped at the chance, quickly moving to hold her close to him.

“I am sorry we fought.” He spoke up after a few minutes, still trying to clear the air.

“Me too. It was stupid.” She shook her head, cuddling closer to him. “I just don’t understand why you like it.” She made a face, grimacing at just the thought.

“It’s good! Pizza has really taken on a whole new life since the 30s.” Steve quipped, smiling when you laughed.

“That doesn’t mean pineapple is an okay topping.” She could fell herself getting worked up again, but ultimately the two burst into a fit of giggles. What a stupid fight.

I wanna road trip in the summers

“Steve! You were supposed to turn there!” Y/N laughed as Steve grumbled about the GPS and his preference for maps. “This is why you should’ve let me drive.”

“Nope, because then I couldn’t surprise you.” He smirked, briefly looking at her in the passenger seat.

“What surprise?” She smiled fondly, knowing he wouldn’t tell her.

“You’ll see. Now turn off the GPS, we’re not actually going home.”

Steve drove for the next few hours until the two arrived at a small house just off the beach in Maine. He pulled into the driveway, turning to find Y/N asleep with her head pressed against the window.

“Y/N, we’re here.” He smiled at her groggy state, laughing when her eyes lit up.

“Are we in Maine?” Her eyes filled with tears, a combination of nostalgia, Steve’s surprise, and residual sleepiness the cause.

“We are. As close as I could find to where you used to come when you were little.” He responded, a shy smile on his face. Despite how long they’d been together, Steve was always nervous about surprising her. “I talked to your manager, and you’ve got the weekend off. We’re going to just relax on the beach for three days.”

“It’s perfect.” She gave him a watery smile, pulling him from the back of his neck until her lips met his. “I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything, just-“ Y/N cut him off with another kiss. It was passionate and heated despite the limited area for movement in the car.

“I love you.” She breathed out the words quickly, but meant it with her whole being. “I love you so much. This is the nicest thing anyone has ever done for me.” Tears still burned in her eyes, but the overwhelming happiness she felt made it worth it.

Steve looked shocked at her proclamation, but quickly recovered. “I love you too. More than I’ve ever loved anyone.” Y/N knew exactly what he meant with those words, and it filled her with so much happiness she thought she might combust. He kissed her again, and again, and again.

They shared a few more quick pecks before finally getting out of the car.

I wanna make fun of each other

Meeting Steve’s friends was nerve wracking for a multitude of reasons.

Steve was the only person Y/N had outside of her career. All of her friends were somehow tied to her music, except Steve. Her parents died a few years ago, and she didn’t have any other family. If things went poorly with Steve’s friends, would he leave too?

Plus, all of his friends are superheroes. That’s an intimidating group of people to meet even if you aren’t trying to win them over so you can keep dating their friend.

“Just relax, they’re going to love you.” Steve whispered into her ear as the two rode the elevator up to the main residential floor. Steve did what he could to keep the event simple. It was just drinks with his friends, who happened to be Avengers.

“If you say so.” She smiled nervously, laughing to herself. Before Steve could reply with more words of encouragement, the elevator doors were opening. Steve lead her down the hall to a room that resembled a lounge in a fancy hotel. Bars lined two of the walls, a mixture of blue and white furniture sprinkled throughout the room.

“Ahh, here they are!” Tony Stark quickly rose from his seat, ready to meet the woman stealing away all of the Captain’s time.

“Tony, this is Y/N. Y/N, this is-”

“Tony Stark, I know.” She quipped. In her stress to meet all of Steve’s friends, she forgot to mention that she had already met the billionaire. “It’s good to see you again.”

“Again?” Steve questioned a the same time Tony recognized you. His jaw dropped as he turned back to Steve.

“We met at a fundraiser a few years ago-“ Tony jumped in before you could finish the explanation.

“You’re dating Y/N L/N? The Y/N L/N? Famous singer-songwriter, been topping the charts for years, Y/N L/N?” He balked, eyes rapidly flicking between Steve and Y/N.

“Um… yes?” Steve questioned Tony’s reaction, unsure why he was so surprised. “I told you her name already…” He shook his head, waiting for the teasing he knew was incoming.

“You didn’t mention it was actually her! I just thought it was someone with the same name!” Tony nearly yelled, still thrown off by the surprise.

“What’s going on over here?” Natasha walked up to the trio, one eyebrow lifted at all the noise.

“Y/N L/N!” Tony gestured to her. She nervously waved to Natasha, sticking her hand out in greeting.

“Nice to meet you.” She mumbled, one hand still holding Steve’s in a death grip.

“You too, I’m Natasha.” The two women shook hands, giving Tony time to finally find his words.

“I have to know, did Capsicle recognize you when you met?” Tony lead everyone back to the couches, foregoing the rest of the introductions to start pestering you with questions.

“I think he’s a bit outside of my target audience age wise. I don’t hold it against him.” Y/N replied, laughing when Steve rolled his eyes.

“Oh snap, she just called you old.” Sam chimed in, reaching out a hand to introduce himself. “Sam Wilson.”

You smiled at him, introducing yourself as you shook his hand.

“Here’s the real question. Did you recognize him?” Bucky questioned, already knowing the answer. Steve introduced Y/N to Bucky early on in their friendship when Bucky followed him to one of their weekly coffee dates.

“Bucky, you already know the answer to that.” Y/N deadpanned, not eager to share her lack of knowledge on world events. Steve cut in to answer before Bucky could reply.

“She did not. Told me the name sounded so familiar, but she couldn’t place it.” Steve laughed as he teased you.

“You make me sound so stupid! I knew who Captain America was, I just didn’t realize it was you.” She huffed, annoyed with how quickly the tables turned.

Steve changed the topic by moving to introduce her to the rest of the avengers in attendance; Wanda, Vision, Thor, Clint, Bruce, and Peter.

Y/N continued to share stories with the group, laughing and joking at both her and Steve’s expense. Steve smiled fondly as he watched her interact with his friends, getting along just as well as he knew she would.

I wanna rock out to Billy Joel

“Stupid. All of these ideas are stupid. How am I supposed to put out another album when I can’t even write one decent song.” Y/N huffed to herself, unaware of Steve’s presence in the room.

He moved silently through the room as she continued writing down and crossing out ideas. Suddenly, the sound of Billy Joel’s We Didn’t Start the Fire filled the room.

“Steve?” She jumped at the noise, smiling when she found him next to the record player. “Billy Joel?’ She questioned.

“You played me this song after a bad mission. Told me to think about it whenever I needed a reminder that the world’s problems aren’t my fault. Thought it might help.” He shrugged, a small smile on his face.

“I love you.” She got up from the couch, eager to pull him into a bone crushing hug.

“I love you too.” He returned her hug, careful not to actually crush her bones.

The two of them spent the next few hours playing Billy Joel, dancing and singing around the apartment.

And flip our kids off when they call us old

“Okay, grandpa.” Sam chuckled.

“Hey! I’m the only one allowed to make fun of how old he is.” Y/N playfully glared at Sam, enjoying their newfound friendship. “Plus, he’s younger than Bucky.”

“Rude.” Bucky called from the other couch, mostly ignoring Sam and Y/N’s bickering. It was a bit weird for him to hear someone else yelling at Sam, but he appreciated it nonetheless.

“Everyone calls him old.” Sam narrowed his eyes, confusion playing across his face.

“Yeah, but when it’s not me I have to defend him. Like when Pepper defends Tony from Morgan.” She easily compared her and Steve’s relationship to the couple, not realizing the weight of the moment.

“You see your relationship like Tony and Pepper?” Bucky questioned, now completely focused on Y/N.

She shrugged casually, unaware of the tension she created. “I mean, yeah. I think that’s where we headed.” She would be the first to admit she loved Steve more than she’s ever loved a boyfriend before. She likes to think Steve feels the same. “Why do you ask?”

Bucky shook his head, trying his best to seem casual. “Just curious is all.” He waited a few minutes before leaving, allowing Sam and Y/N to start up their conversation again. As soon as he was out of the room, he asked Friday for Steve’s location.

He had news to report.

He’ll accidentally burn our dinner

“Honey, I’m home!” Y/N called as she walked through the door. She was in a surprisingly good mood after a mediocre day.

“You seem happy.” Steve greeted as he walked into the living room from the kitchen. He pulled her close, kissing her before resting his chin on top of her head.

“I am happy. You’re here, what’s there to be mad about?” She squeezed him tighter, enjoying the feeling of his arms wrapped around her.

“You make me happy too.” He pulled her onto the couch, eagerly kissing her after the day apart. He had returned from a mission just before she left for work, and seeing each other in passing was not enough.

“I missed you.” He mumbled against her mouth.

“I missed you too- is something burning?” She leaned away from him, sniffing the air.

“Shit!” He jumped from the couch, running into the kitchen as you laughed at his antics.

“Steve, language!” She called out in mock shock, laughing harder as he whined about burnt pizza.

And let me be the Scrabble winner

“Steve, sucks at Scrabble? Since when?” Wanda questioned as she ate brunch with Y/N and Nat.

“Um, always?” Y/N replied as if it was obvious.

“I have never seen Steve lose a game of Scrabble.” Nat chimed in, smirking as if she already knew what was going on (and lets face it, she probably did).

“Well, I always beat him.” She shrugged. Wanda smirked, clearly forming a plan.

“Well, you’ll just have to play Scrabble tonight and Nat and I will check if he can play better words or not!” Nat nodded along having seen this plan coming.

“Fine.” Y/N agreed, knowing there was no way of talking them out of this.

“Steve! Let’s play Scrabble!” Y/N smiled knowing Steve would give her anything she asked for. He walked into the living room with the box, a grin on his face.

The two of them set up the game and drew letters, immediately jumping into the game. After a few turns, Y/N texted Nat and Wanda to come into the living room to enact their plan. She watched from the corner of her eye as the two women watched Steve rearrange his letters.

When he played CAT for 7 points, Wanda gasped. Steve jumped slightly, turning around to investigate the noise.

“Oh my god.” Y/N’s jaw dropped as she realized Steve’s been letting her win.

“He was all set to play ADEQUATE, for probably a billion points, and he played CAT instead!” Wanda pointed accusingly at Steve while Nat just grinned.

“You’ve been letting me win this whole time?” Y/N threw a pillow at him, upset with the confirmation.

“Not every time! Sometimes I have bad letters.” He rubbed the back of his neck shyly. “You just look so happy when you win.”

A small smile took over Y/N’s frown. How could she be annoyed when he was just trying to make her happy.

“I love you.” She rolled her eyes at his puppy dog look. “But don’t go easy on me this time!”

“I love you too.” Steve smirked knowingly and suddenly Y/N was rethinking everything.

And when my body changes shapes, he’ll say ‘oh my god you look hot today’

“I look fat.” Y/N huffed as she plopped down on the couch, still trying to find a dress to wear out with Steve tonight.

“You’re beautiful.” Steve commented from the kitchen, causing her to shriek.

“You’re not supposed to be home yet!” She placed her hand on her heart, feeling the rapid beating from Steve scaring her.

“Sorry, I didn’t mean to scare you. But you do look beautiful.” He smirked as he walked closer, easily lifting her from the couch. “You look hot everyday.”

He kissed her passionately to convey just how much he believed what he was saying.

I need a man who’s patient and kind

“Steve, I need a few more minutes!” She called as she ran into their bedroom from the office. The two of them were meant to be leaving for dinner 45 minutes ago, but Y/N’s manager forced her into a last minute meeting with a potential collaborator.

“That’s fine.” He called back, a smile on his face. “Take your time, love.”

“How are you so patient.” Y/N huffed as she quickly changed clothes, annoyed with herself for delaying their plans.

“Hey, it’s okay.” He came up behind her, wrapping his arms around her waist and holding her to him. “It happens. I’ve missed dates for mission before.”

“Yeah, but that’s important.” Y/N replied, leaning into his embrace.

“So is your work.” He chuckled as she rolled her eyes.

“Not so important it couldn’t wait a day.” She closed her eyes, taking a moment to just breath. “Thank you.”

“For what?” Steve questioned, genuinely confused.

“For being so kind and understanding. For never making me feel like my job is less important than yours, even though it totally is. For being you.” She replied, easily listing things she’s thankful for.

“Thank you for being you.” He replied casually, still holding her to him. “I love you.”

“I love you too.” She smiled before wiggling from his arms to finish getting ready.

Gets out of the car and holds the door

“I’m finally ready. Let’s go!” Y/N called, fully letting go of her annoyance at her manager for delaying her dinner plans.

“Perfect.” Steve grabbed his keys before turning to look at her. He sucked in a breath, eyes slowing gazing over her body. “You’re perfect.”

She blushed, kissing him on the cheek in response. Steve lead her to the car, opening the door for her, pressing a kiss to her lips before jogging around to the driver’s side.

“Where are we going?” She questioned, eager to finally be able to focus on him.

“Dinner.” He replied, a cheeky grin forming.

“Fine, don’t tell me.” She deadpanned, smiling as he laughed.

They discussed anything and everything they could think of as Steve drove to the restaurant, topics ranging from new songs they both liked to what a T-Rex would have for breakfast if it could cook like a person.

Eventually, the car pulled to a stop outside of a small, family owned Italian place. The lights were on, but there was nobody seated at any of the tables.

“Are you sure they’re open?” Y/N questioned, confused by his smile.

“They’re open… just for us.” He smiled shyly. “I wanted you to have a peaceful dinner, so Tony helped me find a place I could book for us for the night. No Y/N L/N or Captain America fans to interrupt.”

“Steve…” She trailed off, unable to form words. She hadn’t even gotten out of the car yet and she was speechless. He walked back around the car, opening the door and guiding her inside. She let him lead her all the way through the building until they reached the outdoor seating.

A string of tapered lightbulbs was strung across the patio, lighting up a single table in the middle. A few candles littered the area, adding to the romantic atmosphere.

“It’s beautiful.” She smiled, leaning in to kiss him before sitting down. Before she could say anything else, a familiar face greeted her.

“My name is Sam, and I’ll be serving you this evening. Can I get you started with something to drink?” Sam smiled at your shocked expression.

“Sam? What are you doing here?” She laughed, confused and overwhelmed with joy.

“I told you, nobody to interrupt us tonight.” Steve smiled, glaring at Sam for playing around. “Sam, I already told you what to bring out.”

“Couldn’t resist.” Sam winked, quickly returning with the drinks Steve requested. Y/N and Steve thanked him before returning to their conversation.

“You didn’t have to go to this much trouble.” Y/N spoke softly, still blown away by the effort and planning Steve must have put into this.

“I know. But I wanted to. You deserve it.” He smiled, taking her hadn’t across the table. “Now, I’ll bet you’re hungry since we were supposed to eat an hour ago.” As if on cue, Sam returned with Bucky, both carrying plates of food. “Let’s eat.”

The two of them continued their conversation from the car as they ate, topics again roaming all over the place. Before she knew it, Y/N had finished eating and Sam was back with dessert.

She looked down at the peach cobbler, laughing to herself. “You know me so well.” She smiled, grinning even more when he offered to share his chocolate cake. “The best of both worlds.”

When she finished eating and looked back up at Steve he was missing from his spot across the table. Instead of sitting in his chair, he was kneeling on the patio beside the table, a velvet box in his hand.

Her eyes widened as she took in the sight before her. Suddenly everything made sense. The lack of rushing, the completely private restaurant, not even having servers in the building. He wanted this to be a private moment.

“Y/N, the day I met you changed my life. I’ll have to thank Hudson for dragging you into the park that day, because I’ve never met anyone as special as you. Every moment with you is like a gift, and I want to spend the rest of my days experiencing life with you. Will you marry me?”

She nodded for a few seconds before finally finding her voice. “Yes.” It was barely above a whisper, but it was enough for Steve to delicately place the ring on her finger. “I love you so much.” She smiled, throwing herself into his arms the second he stood up.

“I love you too.” He replied, framing her face with his hands before kissing her.

I wanna slow dance in the living room like we’re 18 at senior prom

The ride home from dinner was filled with hand holding, giddy squeals, and hundreds of “I love you’s” from both Steve and Y/N. They eagerly ran back to their apartment, giggling like teenagers, high on love.

Steve quickly pulled her into the living room, kissing her over and over. She reciprocated, eager to share her happiness.

“Steve?” She questioned between kisses, waiting for him to hum in response. “Will you dance with me?” She smiled at him. Surprisingly, the two had never really danced together before. The only opportunity would have been at one of Tony’s parties, but they’re always so busy mingling with everyone.

“I’d love to.” He replied, that same fond smile on his face that she’d grown to love more than anything. She clapped, running over to the record player. She chose the first love song she could find, Cheek to Cheek by Ella Fitzgerald and Louis Armstrong.

As the music played, the two swayed together, feeling more in love than ever before. Steve quietly sung the words in her ear, expressing all the raw emotion he’d been feeling since she said yes.

“Heaven, I’m in heaven. And my heart beats so that I can hardly speak.” Y/N joined him, singing along to convey her own happiness as well.

“And I seem to find the happiness I seek, when we’re out together, dancing cheek to cheek.”

They danced around the living room for a few songs, letting the record play through. It wasn’t until the music stopped that they even realized the song changed, too lost in the feeling of being together.

And grow old with someone who makes me feel young

I need a man who loves me like, my father loves my mom

“We’re getting married tomorrow.” Y/N floated through the halls, humming Cheek to Cheek again. After dancing to it the night of their engagement, the couple decided it would be their first dance song. Steve walked up behind her, picking her up and spinning around until they reached the kitchen.

“We are.” He replied, just as elated as her. She giggled playfully, smiling wider than ever before. She was just about to say something when Nat and Wanda bust into the room.

“C’mon. It’s time to go!” Wanda called, gathering Y/N’s belongings.

“Where?” The woman questioned, still wrapping in Steve’s arms.

“You’re getting married tomorrow. It’s bad luck to see each other before the wedding.” Wanda spoke as if it was obvious.

“Nat?” Y/N questioned, hoping someone would understand it was just a superstition. Nat just shrugged, helping Wanda as she pulled you out of the room.

“I guess I’ll see you tomorrow.” Steve called after her, a smile on his lips as he thought about seeing you again.

Standing at the altar, looking into Steve’s eyes, everything she prepared to say dissolved from her mind. She got lost in his blue eyes, listening to him recite his vows. All the love she felt exploded in one quick statement.

“You make me feel young.” She blurted out the words without thinking.

“Is that another old man joke?” He crinkled his eyebrows, confused by the exclamation. The onlookers chuckled.

“No! That’s not what I meant at all.” She laughed, burying her face in his chest. “I just mean, we’re grown adults.” He nodded, still confused. “But when I’m with you, I feel like a kid again. Like all my problems go away and I can just be in love with you. Like my parents were.” Tears formed in her eyes as she thought about the gravity of her statement.

Steve knew how much her parents love influenced her life. She had multiple songs inspired by their relationship and happiness.

“Oh, sweetheart. You make me feel young too. Like how I should have felt as a kid.” He decided against further explanation, not wanting to weigh down the ceremony with talk of war and his sickly youth.

“I just, I never thought I’d actually find a love like theirs, despite how much I wanted to. I think they would’ve loved you.” Steve wiped her tears as they rolled down her cheeks. He pressed his forehead to hers just feeling the need to be close.

“My ma would’ve loved you too.” He replied, his own throat getting tight. They cried as they finally said “I do”, no place they’d rather be.

And if he lives up to my father, maybe he can teach our daughter

Y/N rose from the piano as she sang the last line, exposing her growing belly to the group of Avengers, but more specifically to Steve.

What it takes to love a queen, she should know she’s royalty.

Everyone cheered for her performance, but her eyes were only on Steve’s. His jaw hung open, tears pooling in his eyes. She made her way to him, everyone moving out of her way.

As soon as she reached Steve, he pulled her into a gentle hug, eagerly kissing her.

“I love you so much.” He whispered, holding her close.

“I love you too.” She replied, just as emotional as he was.

“Are you really pregnant?” He leaned back, chuckling at the “duh” look on her face. She wiped his tears as they fell.

“I found out just after you left.” She smiled, leaning into him as he lowered his forehead to hers.

“We’re going to have a daughter.” He sounded breathless, overwhelmed with the news.

“I would’ve told you in private, but Tony insisted on having this party.” She laughed when he rolled his eyes at Tony’s antics.

“You wrote me a song.” He smiled, still holding her close.

“Oh, baby. I’ve written you dozens of songs.” She laughed when he leaned back in confusion. “They’re not all good. I wanted to finish the album before I played it for you. This was the last song.” She smiled, still overwhelmingly in love with the man in front of her.

“I love you. So much.” They spoke at the same time, swaying together as Tony invited all the remaining guests into the ballroom. They missed the song, but it was clear to everyone the room how much the two loved each other.

permanent taglist:

@averyhotchner

@jesuswasnotawhiteman

@strawberryspence

@sebastnstn

marvel taglist:

@leyannrae

@livstilinski

@oceaniamaddness

@justreadingficsdontmindme

#steve rogers x reader #steve rogers x you #steve rogers x y/n #steve rogers one shot #steve rogers fluff #steve rogers x singer!reader #steve rogers fic #i miss steve #why did he have to go back in time #like i get it but also im upset

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1ddotdhq · 4 years

Text

🍷Thurs 29 Oct ‘20🚙

Cam’s song Changes (written by Harry along with country singer-songwriter Lori McKenna and producers Kid Harpoon and Tyler Johnson) dropped in some parts of the world this morning, and it is LOVELY! It is a twangy country song about growing up and getting out of your hometown and seeing the world change and you with it. I really think Cam buried the lead when advertising this song, as the best lyric is clearly, “I was falling in love in a back seat, giving it away like my heart won’t ever break. Had such a young heart drinking cheap wine…”. Hmmm...does this sound familiar to anyone? Of course it does! Fans had a great time comparing this song to Fearless and We Made It (and, honestly, yes. I agree). But that is not enough music news for Harry: SiriusXM started releasing videos of Harry’s New York performance in February (whoa a lifetime ago), including Kiwi, Golden, and Lights Up. The performances are, as always, ELECTRIC, and I can’t wait to be able to see them live, eventually.

Zayn is back and he’s posting Better promotion on instagram (the song, not like...he’s doing a better job...oh, you know what I mean). He hasn’t blessed us with any more covers since yesterday, but he’s active, so I think we’ll be hearing more from him very soon….Maybe some of those songs he registered last month? Please???

All I want for Christmas is...for Liam to branch out and add Tech Expert to his resume alongside ‘YouTuber’ and ‘Tik Tok sensation’? Well, maybe that’s a hyperspecific demand, but it seems like I’m in luck! Liam will be joining the speaker line up of Web Summit 2020, which is a program which “brings together the people and companies redefining the global tech industry”. Liam *is* a recording tech expert, but that’s probably not what they tapped him - this is likely to do with the way he is putting on consistent and quality virtual concerts in a way that has massively transformed the potential for fan engagement in socially distant times. Congrats, Liam, because you’ve worked really hard! And he’s not done working! Liam took to instagram to call fans “detectives” for figuring out that his Christmas collaboration was Dixie D’Amelio, and promising “fun” leading up to the Holidays with “Dixie and her family” (uh, do you think that her parents are gonna be involved or just her super successful 16 year old Tik Tokker sister Charlie?). Anyways, as much as I would LOVE to say that we are indeed detectives (because we are!) , the credit for letting the cat out of the bag this time goes to Dixie herself, who posted a Tik Tok of her singing the song. This, on top of the speculation that already existed, was all the confirmation we needed to know what was happening. Liam also filmed a few episodes of a podcast Happy Hour with veteran YouTuber JaackMaate on his show, where he and his friends chat with people about their jobs and their lives in a relaxed way. And! If you bought tickets to LP Act 3, check your inbox - Liam has sent information on how to access the concert, and also some pre-emptive tech support links. I don’t know if that’s a good sign or a bad one.

Niall was, again, very busy with promo, appearing on Live with Ryan Secrest and hitting all of the Royal Albert Hall talking points we’ve been hearing, but he also took the time to interact with fans on Twitter! He tells us that he’s not going to be doing anything for Halloween (“can’t go anywhere in big groups”), that he loves Bruce Springsteen, and that he’ll do a live striptease if “Slow Hands” passes a billion streams by next week. Look, I know I keep saying this, but, uh #PLEASEdontstripitdownNiall. BUT! Do show us more of your skincare routine, which is what he did on insta: he posted a pic of himself in a facemask saying, “You’ll all be saying after RAH, ‘Niall you were glowing!’ and I’ll say… ‘I know’”.

And, Louis showed us how quickly he works when he has a goal in mind: after the unfortunate matter of merch shipping only to certain regions of the world yesterday, Backstreet Merch (the company in charge of his stuff) quickly took to twitter to say that, “We will be expanding our shipping zones to all of South America and India...within the next 48 hours.” And that’s exactly what happened! Not only that, Central America and Singapore are also on the list (catch ALL OF MY FAMILY rocking their Walls merch), although Mexico is not, and Backstreet Merch has said they have no current plans to ship to Mexico, which, hmmm. But look, I just gotta say that in 48 hours, Louis listened to his fans who have supported him (he sold out TWO stadiums in Argentina!) and quickly made his merch more accessible. Honestly, I love this man. And those countries certainly deserve it – can your country say Walls was its best selling album last week? Argentina can! Both Harry albums and Heartbreak Weather were also in the top ten.

However, I may have said good riddance to Celebtm too soon ( :{( ). TMZ has picked up their second mess of an article and is now distributing that. On top of this, Michael Straus has contacted both Judge Judy and the People’s Court to see if they can get some cable airtime and settle the small claim on TV - which, to be clear, Briana has to agree to, but it seems likely. Celebtm (despite saying yesterday they weren’t going to report on this until January when the court case happened, okaaaay) made a statement telling Briana to take the TV offers seriously so that Louis’ “child support” (quotes theirs, not mine) wouldn’t go to her legal fees. They went on to say, “We only see #onedirection here. To #EndIt on television and win your freedom to love ❤️ again with the next victim. Thank you #1DFamily for supporting #louistomlinson during these chaotic #1D times”. We DO support Louis, which is more than I can say for celebtm. It might bring a little thrill to see a media outlet proclaiming End It, but is it a good thing for Louis? No. This is happening because of the response they're getting and unless someone makes them (mark this down cause you won't see me saying this usually but omg LTHQ will you please get in here and shut this talk down?) they won't stop with this nonsense (see: yesterday's Larry Stylinson article) until the fans stop cheering them on. Speaking of nonsense on Instagram, Lou the golden retriever, the influencer dog fans headcanon-ed was the one HSHQ posted, decided he wanted a piece of the pie and has joined the swollen ranks of accounts falsely claiming a connection to Harry. There are many, including deuxmoi who post an endless stream of made up stories, but also the occasional credible sounding fan report such as yesterday's of Harry at a gym in the UK, and, um, WOW! It’s one of those fitness classes where you alternate your running pace to accelerate your heart rate, and the fan account claimed that Harry’s base pace (that is, comfortable running pace) is 10 mph, which is a 6 minute mile, or a 5k in 18 minutes. Uh, WHAT?? Guys, that’s it: I’m officially a stan, I love this man, and I want to go on a run with him.

#harry #zayn #niall #louis #okay a few things #i cannot tell you how much i dislike writing about the celebtm thing #i mean sometimes we have some really fun upbeat days (like today or Monday!)#then in comes celebtm and here we go again with this #like no <3 #i dont like it #and i want so many good things for Louis and this just seems to get messier and messier #and i want to reiterate that i dont want my posts reposted to instagram in particular right not #*now #we work hard on these but its for yall and for us not for some shitty gossip site #and they have proven to be really shitty #and yeah were asking for LTHQ to do something like PLEASE shut this convo down #also massive shout out to discourse without whom todays post would not have gone up #because i would have binned it the moment celebtm reopened their mouths #i love her lots #*her = discourse #and our blog titles match now !!! yay!!!#anyways!#song of the day!#Changes by Cam #because OF COURSE!!!!!

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mendesficsxbombay · 4 years

Text

your boyfriend is...(II)| s.m

part 1 here

I had received requests for a part two of this fic which happens to be the most loved one so far so here you go! I hope you like it!

He sees white.

There’s white sand, he thinks it’s sand, and curtains billowing over it. He sees a large wooden cabana, steps leading up to it, the steps are white, the pillars are white. He hears the sound of water somewhere.

Turning around, he sees waves crashing into the sand, can water be white? The sunset is almost as beautiful as the day he saw her the first time, splatters of pink and violet and orange. The sky is the only pop of colour he thought he needed.

There’s a carpet leading up to the cabana, white, of course, and large vases lined along it, there are white flowers - petunia, daisy, wisteria, large streams of flowers hanging from the ceiling of the cabana. He sees his friends dressed in white suits, his dad in a white tux, too and he smiles thinking of how perfect it all looks. His mother stands with her mother, both wearing white flowers in their hair, it looks beautiful on them. A hand touches his back, and he knows it’s her.

He turns around to take her in his arms, he could look at her forever. Glowing, flushed and smiling up at him. He leans down to kiss her but she pulls away, “Wake up, baby.”

“Huh?”

“Wake up, Shawn it’s 9 and you have to be in the studio in an hour.”

He sees white again, but this time it’s the comforter wrapped around him, it’s her silk dress shirt and the headband she chose for the day, it’s her laptop case she is currently packing away and the large photo frame behind her, holding a photo of theirs.

“What?”

“Wow, you did sleep well, huh? It’s Tuesday, babe you need to be at the studio at 10 and you asked me to wake you up before I leave.”

He checks for the rings on her hands, just the set of gold bands she always wore. Huh. She must’ve taken off the ones he gave her.

“I don’t know what time I’ll be back today so please don’t forget your keys, actually you know what I’ll just,” she links his house keys with his car keys, “there, now you won’t forget it.”

Pleased with herself she walks over to him again, she kisses him lightly on the cheek, mindful of the deep marsala shade of lipstick she is wearing, “I love you, have the best day at work,” she pulls away smiling.

“Babe, where’s your ring?”

She looks at him in confusion - “What ring?”

“You know, the ring?”

She looks down at her hands in confusion - what ring? Oh, wait, he’s probably asking about my mom’s ring, she thinks to herself. What a thoughtful boy.

“Oh, that’s tucked away in our closet, don’t worry. I gotta leave now, bye bubs!”

And she’s gone. It looked like a flash of white, his mind still hazy. Was it because he got high before sleeping last night? That couldn’t be it, right?

He sighs while moving sluggishly to sit up, rubbing his eyes and willing the sleep to go away. He slept for over 10 hours and still felt exhausted, it worried him to think about what it would be like when he they actually get down to planning the wedding - god forbid that coincides with planning for his tour. How would he do it all? It seemed impossible, he should’ve proposed a long, long time ago, should’ve done it as soon as the last tour got over, no wait he should have proposed in the middle of his tour, and got married as soon as tour got over. Then they would already be married right now and she would wear the ring all the time. He’s just stupid thats all he is, really.

He pulls himself over the side of the bed, laying his feet into the plush white, faux fur carpet she insisted on getting when they moved in. The carpet was one of the better decisions she had made and he silently thanked her each time he walked over it. We should have carpets like this at the wedding.

In no time he was carried away with thoughts about the wedding again, the location, the invitations, her outfits, his outfits, the honeymoon, but the dull vibrations of his phone on the nightstand pulled him to reality. It was her.

“Hi baby”

“Did you shower yet?”

“…No.”

“You are going to be so late, please go shower, please.”

She acted like such a wife already. The wife of his dreamiest dreams. “Yes ma’am,” he grinned into the phone, getting out of bed and heading to their en suite.

_______________________________

He pulls himself up to the door after yet another strenuous day at the studio. He had to FaceTime his label executives in New York and LA, scheduling meetings for the coming week and still having to figure a way to finish the day’s task list. He unlocks the door and steps inside, a dull headache working its way in. Shawn toes his shoes off and lightly kicks them in line with hers to make them look neat and finally walks into their living room.

She’s cuddled into the blanket they thew over the couch for times when they needed a binge watch, her hair pulled into a loose braid and glasses perched on her nose. She notices him walk in slowly, pulls the blanket off herself, getting covered by him instead. Smiling to herself she pulls the blanket over both of them again, her hands weaving through his curls softly, aware of how many times he must’ve tugged and ran his hands through it during the day.

“How was it today?” She asks, careful of how soft she spoke.

He mumbles something along the lines of being tired and getting 3 songs finished and having ideas for a few more. He moves on top of her, turning his head and adjusting himself so he could face outwards, lightly taking in her post shower scent. Vanilla and roses. Roses remind him of the floral arrangement for their wedding again. He figures he should let her decide this bit.

“What do you think about wisteria and white roses for the wedding?” He mumbles, she only gets the names of the flowers, nothing else.

“As flowers? I think they’re great! There’s dinner in the kitchen, I can heat it up if you want.”

“I’m thinking of lots and lots of wisteria, what an underrated plant…”

“baby did you smoke up again? I hope you didn’t drive in this condition.”

“No I didn’t, why’d you ask that?” He’s so sleepy he can barely get the words out but she hears him, shushes him because if he gets worked up now he won’t be falling asleep anytime soon.

“Okay I’m sorry, but do you want food right now though? Or do you want to wake up in the middle of the night again when you’re hungry?”

“Cocoa.”

“What?”

“I want cocoa.”

“It’s kinda hot to be drinking cocoa, bud.”

“Turn up the cooling then, and please make me some cocoa, I love you.”

She had to bite back a laugh. Sleepy Shawn wasn’t too far off from Drunk Shawn except when he was sleepy he liked the quiet, and when he was drunk he absolutely needed to scream everything, all wide eyed and overly gesticulative. She had her fair share of experience with both, and asking for hot chocolate the way her mum makes it was basically code for exhaustion like he hadn’t felt in a while. She slowly picked both of them up from the comforts of the couch and led him into the kitchen. She welcomed the feeling of cold marble under her feet, like she said it was summer and her snacks usually included ice creams and popsicles these days.

He sat himself by the kitchen island, propping his head on his hands and watching her putter around putting together his favourite drink, her body nearly working on out pilot when she mixed the cocoa powder and brown sugar, he’s convinced she could make it with her eyes closed.

“baby,” he called out, still just as soft, he didn’t have the energy for anything more than a whisper now. She hummed in response, not paying much mind, because he often called out to her out of habit, not purpose.

“Listen, please,” he pouted because she hadn’t turned around to see him yet.

“I’m listening, baby.”

“We should have cocoa at the wedding.”

“What?”

“I said, we should ha-”

“No, I heard you but hot chocolate isn’t exactly a wedding drink, I’ve never had it at a wedding?”

“Who cares about others? It could be our wedding drink.”

She felt a spark of heat starting in her chest and working towards her cheeks. Our wedding? She loved how casually he spoke about their future, like it wasn’t something he had to give too much of a thought to - it’s just a thing that’s meant to happen. She silently crushed some pieces of chocolate onto both their mugs as a topping, they weren’t the biggest fans of cream of any sort in their drinks and thought of how she would never want them to change, and how there’s no one else she’d rather make cocoa for at midnight on a Thursday.

He was the purest person she had had the pleasure of knowing in her life, barely any malice and a heart full of respect and love for anyone that came across him. It hadn’t been easy, loving him, she’d been burned before and who’s to say he wouldn’t do the same to her? But now that she thought of the years they’d spent together and the moments they created in this very house and multiple places across the world, she wouldn’t mind being burned again if it meant she still got to keep him. Forgiveness didn’t come easy but with him it came like second nature.

She turned around to place both their mugs on the island letting out a silent laugh at the image of her very tall, very lanky boyfriend passed out on the platform, head supported by both his arms. She wished the album would wrap up soon, the creative process had really taken a toll on him and he looked more and more worn out everyday. As much as it was his job, it was her job to look out for him too.

Softly running her hand over his hunched back on her way out, she picked up his phone from where they it on the couch. Swiping it open, she pulled up his group chat with the writers and producers he was currently working with, shooting them a text that he wasn’t feeling too well and they should hold off recording for the next 2 days.

Feeling accomplished, she looked back at where he was now snoring on the counter, she thought of if and when he would choose to slow down his career if they wished to be married. Maybe it was too early for her to be thinking so, hell, they hadn’t even proposed to each other yet. And if and when a wedding successfully goes through, they would still have a whole life ahead of themselves to plan things. To date, he’d gone above and beyond to make sure she was alright with the pace at which he was moving, and where they stood as a couple and just making sure that she was okay, and she knew for sure that he would continue doing the same for as long as they were together, it’s just a part of who he was, especially around her.

She walked over to him, gently prodding him awake and watching him chug down the hot chocolate like his life depended on it. She smiled the whole time they went back to their room and finished their night routines and snuggled up in bed. If this was what the rest of her life looked like, she wouldn’t even mind running at the same pace as him.

__________________

He has a Pinterest board dedicated to their wedding. They’re nearing the end of his fourth studio album fast, and each time they take a break he is glued to his phone and Saving and Moodboarding things for the ceremony. Teddy warned him that if he asked her to pick between an arched altar and a slightly more arched altar, she would leak his album. It’s not her fault they all look the same no matter how much he wanted to fight her on it.

He’s currently swiping through decor options for their afterparty when he sees it. He’s not sure what a dress is doing in the middle of photos of rounded tables and helium balloons but he swears his mouth goes dry thinking of her in that dress. It’s a vision in gold, intricate embroidery on the sleeveless bustier, two tuck lines running down the front and a cinched waist that flairs out into the most beautiful ball gown he’s seen till date. And he’s seen a lot of them, he has a board to show for it.

He takes a screenshot and sends it to her.

From Shawn: Hi, I hope you’re having a good day at work so far, I saw this dress and I think it’d be perfect for the afterparty (attachment: 1 image)

Halfway across the city, she was on her break at work, deep in conversation with Tiffany, yes Shawn’s stylist Tiffany, about outfit choices for the GRAMMYs in the coming few days. Shawn wasn’t performing this year, so it wasn’t as stressful of a time as it would’ve otherwise been. She had shortlisted 2 outfits with Tiff earlier, now wondering if she even needed 2. Tiffany said she’d need an hour or so to figure how she could layer her evening gown and then use the same for the afterparty, she hated having to go back and change even if Shawn wanted to.

She was about to resume work when a notification lit up her phone. Reading Shawn’s texts, she paused in confusion, wondering why he was sending her dress recommendations when she was already talking to Tiffany. Tapping on the link anyway, she is led to an ethereal gown, the kind that she’s convinced only exist online and not in real life. She may have even let out a blissed out sigh, the aesthetic experience running sparks through her heart and mind, imagining herself in a dress so god sent, but where would she wear it?

The realisation cuts her supply of serotonin real quick, reminding her that absolutely no occasion she had been invited to thus far was worth an outfit like that.

To Shawn: Hi baby, I miss your face, only 4 hours till I see you!

very pretty dress. where would I wear it?

Meanwhile he’d returned to piecing random chords on his guitar together. Shawn perked up to see her reply. He quickly held his pick between his lips, picking his phone up to text back.

From Shawn: afterparty??

also

4 hours 2 go. . see u soon

* see you at home

❤️

Why would she wear something so good to a GRAMMY afterparty? Like yes, don’t get her wrong, they’re important and all, but just like Bong Joon-Ho believed the Oscars were very local, she thought the GRAMMYs had limited taste when it came to artists. Yes, the world would be watching, and this would be her first ever appearance with him as his girlfriend but she didn’t want to stress herself over how she looked or acted. The show hadn’t awarded her man’s album with the recognition it deserved, she hadn’t forgotten. And so, she was treating the GRAMMYs like no big deal, just a slightly big deal.

She wanted the night to be about him. Even if it would be their first time on a red carpet together, she would not be stealing his spotlight in any way, thank you very much. And if that meant rejecting this gorgeous gown that would make her look like a bronzed angel that descended straight from heaven, then so be it.

She looked around her office, people returning to their desks from all over, lunch time coming to a close and her time to get back to work coming closer, she needed to tell him why the dress was not happening when Tiffany finally texts her back.

Dress is sorted. Sending you photos once I put it together, found a way to only give you one outfit for the night :)

The smile growing across her face should be worrying, really. She messages a quick thank you, you’re the best, Tiff!!! before opening up her chat with Shawn.

Afterparty dress is taken care of bubs, nothing to worry xx

See you at home 😘

______________________________

When Shawn calls her giddy and breathless, she drops all her work immediately.

The album, baby it’s done! We just cut the final- yeah it’s my girlfriend hold on- baby we just cut the final song I needed and it’s over just - no we’ll all go out in a few days, yeah? I just really need to be home with her tonight, thanks man, yeah so I was saying, it’s done I’m wrapping up and I’m coming home, jaan. I love you.

Her good credit in her company allowed her to immediately intercom her boss and say there’s a family emergency, nothing too serious but she needed to head home right away. On the way she picks up whatever she can remember she needs for their meal, a bottle of Cliquot, Rosé, of course, a few slices of his favourite cheesecake and a bouquet of fresh flowers - a colourful mixture Carnations and Lillies and she smiles just thinking about a bouquet so similar given to her when he asked her to be his.

It’s not until she’s back to the house does she realise that he passed up on drinks with his music friends (yes she does still call them that) for an immediate post album celebration and chose to spend the night in with her. God, could he get anymore perfect. Tonight felt like the night, the night, and if she did manage to pull through with the plan she put together in the short 20 minute drive, it would definitely be a night to remember.

Entering their home she gets to work quickly, setting the flowers up on their dining table and stowing away the champagne and cheesecake in the refrigerator to cool down. She doesn’t know exactly how much time she has till he gets home, and the dish she felt most prepared to make was Pesto Chicken, having the side dishes in mind already, and body working on auto pilot from there on.

While her meal bakes in the oven she brings out the fine China, determined to make the real thing look and feel as perfect as the image in her mind. Once the table is set up she moves around the couches in the living room for when they will inevitably end up there to watch something, anything, to end their night, or continue their night, if you know what I mean.

As she’s fluffing out her blanket next to his, the lights running low and candles lit all over the place, he unlocks the door to let himself in. The smell of a slow roast hits him before anything else, his eyes running over the place to see her as soon as they could.

She hears him come in before she sees him, hears the sound of his keys jingling and the soft pad of him taking his trainers off. She whips around and practically flies across the room into his arms. He’s more prepared, though, immediately swinging her up and spinning her around laughing freely as she squealed incoherence into his neck. Once he hoisted her up and round his waist he finally grabbed her face to kiss her like she deserved. She hummed into his mouth, wrapping herself around him tighter and finally getting a taste of what she missed these last few days. He smelled like cinnamon and tasted like happiness and love and warmth and she couldn’t seem to get enough.

In a bit he sets her back on her feet but refuses to pull away from her. She’s giggling against his lips about dinner and a celebration and he’s never felt more loved. He does still manage to keep her in place and kiss her a bit longer, though, and she lets him because it’s what he deserves.

When she asks why he did not go out with the boys tonight he just shrugs. She offers for him to meet them wherever they are after dinner he just says no again. When she asks why, he says the album they just finished was about her and he needed to spend this night with his muse because it was the only thing that felt right. She was too giddy to bother arguing back.

She’s already set the table, ready to bring out the food when he shyly asks her if they can go change into their pyjamas. When she says yes and is about to run up to their room to change, he further asks if they can sit on their living room floor instead of their dining table. A small voice in her head reminds her of the time they made out on his living room floor the first time she came over and got drunk. Nothing else had happened that night, and he initially refused to even kiss her for fear of taking advantage of their sobriety or the lack thereof but she convinced him that it would be compensation. In retrospect, she’s thankful that they didn’t take things further because that was definitely a night to remember, the memory still makes her blush.

When he goes to freshen up in their washroom, she’s changing into her fluffiest pair of pyjamas and an old t-shirt of his. Her pyjamas thankfully came with pockets, and she quickly went over to her vanity and stuffed a tiny packet in. She’d had it for nearly two months now, but tonight was it.

When they go back down and stuff their faces with chicken, the best in all of North America, babe, as he says, she keeps looking over at him. He finally looks relaxed after months, he’d been frustrated trying to write new songs on the road and when he thought he had things figured out, he jumped straight into the studio to bring them to life. Essentially, he hadn’t given himself a break, which had led to a fight between the two of them. She’d been patient and tried to talk things out so as to not resort to a screaming match, but he refused to listen. Probably the Leo in him.

The most she could convince him to do was be home before 1 AM. His girlfriend imposed a curfew on him, and he darn well follow it if he still wanted to have a girlfriend.

Seeing him eat his meal while happily chatting about his day, she kept thinking of how perfect her life felt at the minute. When they popped champagne and he insisted they drink straight from the bottle, she thought of the few flaws of his she’d learned over the years and how she could bear to romanticise them if it meant she got to keep him forever. She couldn’t think of anyone else she’d rather be sat with on her living room floor, tipsy off the bubbly and munching on fresh cheesecake, stealing kisses in between. It felt right.

He looked away from her to check his phone, text his friends back and she sets her phone on the closest console table to record the moment. Crawling back to him, she takes his fork and plate out of his hands and he smirks thinking she’s about to have the first round of the night right there.

“Starting already, then?” He mumbles as he leans in to kiss up her neck when she scoffs and pushes him away lightly. “chill, horndog, I need to talk to you about something.”

He immediately straightens up, bracing himself for whatever is about to come. She runs her hand through his hair while his eyes cross the length of the room, knowing she sometimes needs a minute to collect her thoughts. When she inhales sharply, he knows she’s ready.

He turns towards her so she knows she has his full attention, their hands intertwined and hanging between them. She purses her lips, sends a prayer up to God and begins.

“So um, the first time we spoke, I thought you were the dreamiest boy I’d ever seen. Um, I still think you are.” His heart warms at her being nervous, knowing she doesn’t have to be around him and tries to ignore the heat in his face.

“See, we didn’t really know each other did we? So whatever little image I had of yours in my head was based on small talk and your devastatingly good lo- stop smiling, your below average looks, and how you desperately failed at trying to hit on me, but it it was only a matter of time till we got talking more often when you went away for tour - and I think I really appreciate it sometimes that your tours, like, no matter how long or short they are, they give us a chance to talk, you know?”

He’s not sure where this is going. The confusion is visible on his face but she keeps going. It’ll all be worth it. “Other couples don’t get to have that, Shawn. I know they’re always with each other and I know we’d both appreciate more time together when we’re physically together but being away from you makes me… introspect. It makes me want to learn things about you, it makes me want to know you because there’s never enough things to know about you, and the more I know, the more I love.” She moves closer now, cupping his cheeks and he leans into her hands, still confused as ever but letting her take what she needs from him.

“After you came back from your first full length tour after we got together, I wrote in my journal that I would never take my time with you for granted.” His heart fluttered a little, writing in her journal meant making promises to herself, and she never went back on them. He’d never read any of her journals, he was nosy, yes, but not invasive. He wouldn’t break her trust like that. He also knew she wrote about him, he’d seen her peaking at him while writing, thinking he wouldn’t notice, but he did, he always did.

“I’d never really had a serious relationship with anyone before you, you knew that. I mean, I just didn’t think I was special enough to hold someone down, or have my person, it just wasn’t plausible, right? And you know how Khalid said I never had someone to call my own, that was me pretty much my whole life, but then you swooped in with your guitar and you wanted to take me to all your favourite places and make me meet your friends and then you wanted to meet mine and by our third month together you started writing songs about me and I couldn’t believe that someone would want to write a song about me you know? Cause like I’m just me? But you did, a-”

“That was a lie.”

“What?”

“I didn’t write about you for the first time in our third month. I only told you that because I didn’t want to come off too strong, we were still pretty new to each other. But the first song I ever wrote about you was after our first date. Well, I started writing it after our first date but it was completed after you so painfully rejected me after the second one. I moped for a week straight, babe, you were pretty heartless.”

She doesn’t speak for a second, she doesn’t know what to say, really. Her speech that she prepared for this occasion was pretty self derogatory, she realised. And now he was throwing her off kilter, making her forget the script in mind. “You wrote a song about me after the first time you took me out?”

“Yeah,” he said resting his hand by her neck now and running his thumb over her cheek. His gaze grew softer, “And now I’ve written two whole albums about you. But they don’t feel enough. I don’t think they ever will be, honestly. I could write a thousand songs about you and they wouldn’t do you justice. I love you more than anything, I think I always have.”

And all of a sudden, she’s forgotten everything she wanted to say. She always did think she got lucky with him, she had a loving, caring boyfriend who respected her wishes no matter what and worked hard come hell or high water to make himself better at his art. She thought about how she was a part of his art, she thought about the one time he said that each time she proved to be his muse, the result was somewhat a tribute to their love. How fortunate could they be to have each other? And now, looking at him in the softest sleep shirt he had, a little loopy because of the champagne after a long day of working hard, there’s so much she wants to say. But the words don’t make themselves known, instead she blurts out - “Marry me.”

He smiles lightly, “Okay.”

“No for real, hold on,” she holds his shoulder to lean up, then steadies herself on one knee, pulling out the Carbon Fibre ring that had her heart since the first time she saw it, a solid black with two thin gold lines weaving around it. Her hand is held up between the two of them so he can see the ring, “Shawn Mendes, will you make me the happiest girl in the world, and marry me?”

Holy shit. He hasn’t proposed.

It finally pieces together in his head. In this midst of finishing the album and planning the next step for his music, he’d forgotten to propose to her. But he swears he remembers doing it - or was it all in his head? He rushes to stand up mumbling no no no to himself and her eyes follow follow him around, her hand lowering as the fear of the worst takes over. No?

At once his head looks upwards, where their room is, and he runs off. She can’t quite grasp what just happened. She flips the ring over in her hand, finding the tiny engraving of their initials on the inside of the 22K band, thinking of the day she was so happy to have found it, and how it was probably for nothing now. Why would he say no?

They’d talked about marriage so openly, he was the one who kept bringing it up - so why run away now? Was he not ready? Or had he changed his mind? Was it too soon? Or too late? Did he not want marriage anymore? She felt tears sting her eyes - did he not want her anymore? That wasn’t possible was it? He literally just told her he loved her - or did he not actually mean it? Why would he say it if he didn’t mean it? Did this mean they were over now?

She looked over to where she had propped up her phone earlier, the video still recording. She had plans of adding this clip into her next video, after their trip to the Portugal next month. She had wanted to record her proposal instead she may have just recorded their breakup, now that would get her some views, huh?

Upstairs, Shawn let out an aha! finally finding the small velvet box that he had stored away carefully - so carefully that he needed to empty out half his drawer to find it again. He bounded down the stairs, screaming BABY THIS WAS WHAT I WAS FORGETTING only to find her kneeling on the floor right where he left her. She looked small and sad, stray tears finding their way down her cheeks.

“Baby w-what’s wrong?”

She didn’t notice the velvet box in his hand till he kneeled down in front of her. “I thought you said no… I thought you didn’t want this - what’s that, Shawn?”

He claps a hand over his forehead, frustrated with himself for upsetting her so much and so quick. “I just happen to be stupid, babe, I’m sorry, I forgot to propose.” Then he’s flipping open the box, throwing it back to let it land somewhere on the carpet after having taken the diamond ring out. It’s the exact width she likes, the exact cut she likes, and it is so beautiful.

“How do you forget-”

“But! I am doing it now! I may be stupid but you’re the one who chose to stick by me so that makes two of us! Please marry me?”

“I asked you first.”

“God, yes that’s all I ever wanted, yes yes - a thousand times, love,” he rushes to kiss her, and she smiles into it again, pulling away and slipping the ring onto his finger.

He’s the one who’s teary eyed now, a wet smile growing bigger and bigger. “It’s so beautiful, doll, I love you.” She kisses him again, once, twice, she would’ve done more but he pulls away again. “Okay, your turn now - what’s the answer?”

“Hmm… I don’t know I mean you did forget to propose after all…” he stares at her for a second before saying humming and attacking her with tickles. She squeals out falling to the floor in a fit of giggles, trying and failing to fight him off. “Not gonna stop till you say yes, doll.”

He’s laughing, too, clearly enjoying her misery. He hears her let out a breathy little yes while he’s still running his fingers up her sides. “What’s that? Did you hear something? Because I didn’t!”

“Yes, sheesh YES I WILL MARRY YOU, SHAWN! Please stop!” He pulls her up, quickly slipping on the ring and gathering her in his arms, burying his face into her neck, finally crying out freely. Everything felt complete, finally, he couldn’t wait to start this new stage of his life with her. He was going to be a married man soon, nobody pinch him.

“Wait,” she speaks, pushing him away a bit so she can see his face, “Is this why you kept talking about the wedding? You were talking about our wedding this whole time?”

“Yes, I know I get it I’m forgetful! I guess, I was so caught up in what was happening and what I wanted that I mixed the two.” He sighs, a little hazy after the sharp turn of events in the night. “Wow, I wish we had recorded this, I can’t believe you thought I said no to you, baby who do you think I am?”

“Already one step ahead of you - say hi to the camera!” She grins, pointing to her phone next to them. He lets out an of course you would and she only laughs in response and he decides that he needs to hear that for the rest of the life if possible. He looks into the camera and sees an image of them both looking like a hot mess, kneeling in the middle of their living room, faces flushed and eyes bright because of the cry fest that just took place.

“Hi guys, we’re engaged!” And she lets out a yelp showing off her hand to the screen. “Shawn Mendes isn’t my boyfriend anymore, he’s my fiancé! There should be a new filter!”

“Wait, does this mean we get cocoa at our wedding now?”

__________________

taglist: @shawnwyr @mendesstories @lanallaa @sleepybesson @rulerofnocountry @luvluvxx @wholesomemendes

dm to be added or removed ♥️

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spiltcandycoatedpunkblood · 3 years

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You're getting me more and more curious to listen to Ice Nine Kills I legit never heard of them but your posts are making my curiosity grow 👀👀 music about horror movies?? Sign me up!!

Also hope you're having a great day and that everything is going good fren! ☕💫

i've occasionally listened to a couple of their songs before, but a friend on a Discord server suggested more of their music and i just got hooked!! they have done other music beforehand, but within the last 6 or so years, they did music based off of literature and horror films!! they're releasing a sequel with more horror homages in October. and just,, already that premise is so brilliant?? but when i listened to more of those songs they're so perfectly creative and nails the tone of the characters/films?? there is much metal screaming but the other parts of the song work so well alongside them. so much raw and powerful energy. it's very cathartic, personally. some of the songs had a tone i just ended up associating with Tintin, which of course i did.

they also have a few ballads which just,, really get to me and i love them so much *sobs*. 'me, myself & hyde has that sorta feel when there's not screaming, which tbh, both feel absolutely great to lip sync to. it's literally at like,, 100 plays now despite having only started listening to them like a week ago. they're just so addictive.

music about horror films is just SO GOOD. they're releasing a new single on Monday from their album which will be released in October. their most recent hit is an absolute bop, a homage to American Psycho. i also may or may not have a new crush on the lead singer, who loves to dress up in the music videos and i hear the band is fantastically good live too!!

do you have any particular favourite horror movie/villain? there's some fantastic horror villain songs, and villain songs by themselves are just,, uggggh,, i'm just a total sucker for them. Freddy's my favourite slasher and horror villain and the song they have for him is absolutely GLORIOUS. it's so him.

their most recent hit is number 1, and 2, 3 and 4 are SO good, but that's what Spotify says are their most popular ones on there. there's just so many good ones they have. 'The American Nightmare' is Freddy's one, and one of my favourites of theirs. it's the horror villain song he deserves.

it's going alright!! just,, coping really. dealing with all the mental bullshit hurts and i've kinda just been trying to distract myself. some things just hit hard as real reminders. i often forget i'm in a refuge and it's just wild. but i'm trying!! i hope you're taking care of yourself too, friend!!

#ahhhhh thank you so much!!#music #favourite music #ice nine kills #another-her #their songs are so powerful on so many different levels #some of them i feel right under my skin #they're so cathartic #vent #asks

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lovemesomesurveys · 3 years

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The last time you were at a diner, what did you order?: I ordered 4 over-easy eggs, biscuits and gravy, hash browns, and coffee.

Do you usually buy souvenirs when you go to amusement parks?: Yeah, that’s a must for me.

When you last watched a movie, did you watch it alone or with someone?: I recently saw Black Widow with my mom, aunt, and brother. Are you happy with your weight?: No.

What’s the dress code for your job? Do you like it?: --

Does your job allow piercings or tattoos?: --

How often do you wash your hair?: Three times a week.

Do you want to get married? If so, what color will your dress be?: No, I don’t.

Ever had a caricature done of yourself? How much was it, and were you satisfied with it?: Yeah. It was quite awhile ago so I don’t recall how much it cost, but yeah I liked it.

Do you like peanut butter and fluff sandwiches?: I’ve actually never had one but they sound good.

Last color you painted your nails?: Black.

Last time you got a hair cut?: A little over a week ago.

When you want to buy coffee, where do you go?: Starbucks.

Did you try McDonald’s new smoothies? What do you think of them?: No, I’ve never had one of their smoothies.

What are some trends you dislike that everyone seems to love?: Crocs. Whyyyy?

Ever been to Gaia Online? Do you have an account?: I think so... the name rings a bell.

Where can you usually be found on a Friday night?: At home like any other night.

What’s your relationship status? Are you happy with it?: Very much single and yes I’m fine with it.

If you got married and then got divorced, would you want to re-marry? I don’t know.

If you could dye your hair any color right now with absolutely no restrictions, what color would you dye it?: I had been dyeing it red the past few years, but I’m currently well over a year overdue now and I’d just like to get it done.

What shoes do you usually wear in the summer?: I only ever wear sneakers like my Adidas year round.

What’s your favorite amusement park?: Disneyland.

Do you like rollercoasters?: Only the Cars and Big Thunder Mountain Railroad rollercoasters at Disneyland. Just the right amount of speed and adrenaline rush for me that I can handle, nothing too crazy. They’re so fun.

How old are your siblings?: My younger brother is 22 and my older brother is 37.

Would you ever enlist in the army?: I couldn’t even if I wanted to because of my physical disability.

Are you afraid of public restrooms?: I’m not afraid of them, but I do avoid using them unless I really need to. Especially during these times of COVID.

What perfume do you wear?: I don’t have a perfume, but I do have a beach-y body spray I’ve been wearing.

How often do you use lotion?: I rarely do, but I really should start applying it regularly.

Do you play video games? If so, what kind?: Sometimes. I like Mario Bro games, I was obsessed with Animal Crossing: New Horizons last year, The Sims, the Life is Strange series...

How old is your oldest and youngest friend?: --

Do you donate your old stuff to Goodwill? If so, what was the last thing you donated?: The last thing I donated was some clothes. <<<

Do you wear jeans? I honestly haven’t worn jeans at all for the past 3-4 years now, I just live in leggings.

How many hours do you usually work a week?: --

How old were you in 1999?: I turned 10.

Last time you were at a job interview? How did it go?: I’ve never had a job interview.

What’s one place you’d NEVER want to work at?: I couldn’t do anything in the medical field.

How many kids would you want?: Zero.

Do you wear lipstick? If so, what color?: No.

Do you use Tumblr? What do you normally post?: Nope, never heard of it.

Was your first Green Day album American Idiot?: Yes. I listened to their older stuff before that, but yeah that’s the first album of theirs I actually owned.

Do you do your own laundry?: No, my mom helps me with that.

Do you get paid weekly or bi-weekly?: --

Did you tease freshmen in high school?: No, I never did that.

What have you done so far today? It’s 5 in the morning I haven’t done a whole lot.

Are your nails painted any colors right now? No. It’s been a few years since I last painted my nails.

Do you think kittens are cute? Yeah.

Have you ever submitted a story to fmylife.com? No.

What color are the sheets on your bed? Mint green.

What’s your favorite room in the place you’re in? Mine.

Is there someone you wish to call your boyfriend/girlfriend right now? No.

How weight conscious are you? Very. It’s one of the main focal points right now and topic of discussion with like everyone. There’s always a comment of some kind regarding it. Doctors and family making sure I’m eating and reminding me, as if I need to be reminded at all, that I’m underweight and need to eat more. As if I’m not trying. As if it’s that simple. “Just eat more” blah blah. I don’t use the word “triggered” easily at all, but the topic of my weight is a big trigger for me. My Nana texted me recently and was like, “I saw some photos of you taken recently at your brother’s grad party and you’re so thin!! You need to seek medical treatment.” Ugh. I know everyone means well and I’m fortunate to have people that care, but it’s just really frustrating and something I’ve been struggling with and I’m just really tired of it.

Have you ever shot a gun? Once when I went to a shooting range with some friends years ago.

What’s your favorite eye color? Blue or green.

Rent a movie or go see one in theaters? I like going to the movies, especially when it’s to see something I’m really into and excited about like Marvel films or one that looks really good like a horror or psychological thriller. Streaming movies is nice, too, it just depends.

Is there anyone else with you right now? Not in this room, but in the house yeah. What’s the biggest personality trait turn off for a potential partner? Arrogance and cockiness are a couple.

Would you consider yourself a hopeless romantic? No.

What color is the shirt you’re wearing? I’m wearing a camoflage t-shirt dress. They’re so comfy to wear around the house.

How many times have your changed your clothes today? Once.

Have you ever been accused of cheating? No.

How about having an eating disorder? Yes. I think that’s what some think I’m dealing with right now.

Would you ever go on a birth control pill? I don’t have a reason to.

Do you know how to do your own laundry? I’ve always had help with that because it would be hard for me to do.

Is your bed made? Yeah, it always is because I sleep on top of the tucked in sheets and just use a throw blanket if I need something. It’s been warm enough that I haven’t needed a blanket, though.

Where’s your cell phone? Nearby on my bed.

Have you ever taken a train? No.

#personal #text #survey #surveys

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sorasfishing · 4 years

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#Noctislistening - Yamato Edition (2 of 12)

In which I ramble about songs that the Chosen Children/Digidestined listen to.

#noctislistening digidestined series for more

Brought to you by @earlgreymon‘s Digidestined FM and @tangledupblue‘s Digidestined-inspired playlists. Go listen right now!!

It may take me longer to post these due to general life things, a certain ship week coming up and also Kizuna right around the corner. But listening to music old and new(to me) has been a lot of fun (and also helps with my current stress and anxiety levels lately).

Last time, we worked out with Taichi (#1). Coming up next, we’ll be dancing with Miyako (#3)!

It’s Yamato’s turn. Hearts in my eyes. All you need to know is that this boy ROCKS.

First things first: Hi, I go by Noct around here, but my real name is Julia. It’s nice to meet you! <3

(you will understand why I “introduced” myself to you later as you go through this post)

Digidestined FM (Yamato version) @earlgreymon

Sky, I have to say that the “chosen” song (and band alone) really fits the aesthetic for Yamato in this playlist edit. The hair gel and leather jacket and the color scheme with the album cover. It’s just so fitting!

I’ve been meaning to listen to The 1975 more because I do like their sound. So I felt as I did listening to “Heart Out” :)

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However, my favorite song of theirs probably has to be “Chocolate”.

Yamato’s “playlist” (with quotes because as you said, he doesn’t use playlists) has a lot of legendary classic rock bands. As part of my own inspired playlist, I listened to “Stairway to Heaven” for Led Zeppelin since I don’t normally listen to them. Same for Radiohead, but I do like a few of their songs, like “High and Dry” and “Creep”.

Now, I don’t listen to a lot of Pink Floyd, either, but I think it’s worth mentioning a song that I absolutely love from them, “Julia Dream”.

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Yessss. Now you know why I introduced myself. ~curtsies~

Yamato also listens to Queen. I started listening to their music in college and fell in love with Freddie Mercury’s voice. I would have loved to see them live. The closest was the Queen musical called We Will Rock You. But sometimes I dream about being born decades earlier or going back in time to see them play live.

I don’t have a favorite song from them. Maybe “Don’t Stop Me Now” or “We Are The Champions”. :)

Finally, John Mayer. I will listen through all of his music. His voice and his sound is pretty chill, but his guitar solos are so good.

I’ll just name “No Such Thing” just to go old school. :D

~*~*~*~*~*~

Angsty drama lone wolf @tangledupblue

The title is so him! A boy with a love for guitar-driven sounds, but some vocalists being broody and wailing as they express feelings about the world around him and also the emotional desires similar to his own. (This and probably my other blurbs are probably overanalytical and indulgent but I’m having fun reading between the lines XD)

I tried to choose my favorite 6 - I made this list a few days ago but I came back to it and now I want to change it lol. Just know that I’m listing songs but I love the rest of the songs, too! Just to name some of the artists I like: The Script, The Killers, Muse, Fall Out Boy (among the ones I’ve talked about already!) I also love Alicia Keys and I think it’s awesome that she collaborated with Jack White!!

Matchbox Twenty - Mad Season // so 90′s pop/rock with angst, I love it. I never listened to their albums in full but always liked the songs that were on the radio. I will include their video here, feeling nostalgic today.

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~*~*~*~*~*~

Arctics Monkey - Do I Wanna Know?

Thirty Seconds to Mars - This Is War // I had a plot bunny with this. Like an intense battle against Digimon (set in tri.)

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~*~*~*~*~*~

The Beatles - Come Together

I’ve always been a huge fan of The Beatles. I remember going to a school dance in high school and didn’t really feel like dancing. Then one of their songs came on and it felt like an awakening to my musical tastes lol.

Anyway, I will pause here to mention another great song by this band. What is it called? “Julia”.

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~curtsies again~

Franz Ferdinand - Take Me Out

The Rolling Stones - (I Can’t Get No) Satisfaction

~*~*~*~*~*~

Are you listening? Which ones are you rocking out to? Please tell me your favorites!

#ishida yamato #matt ishida #digimon headcanons #noctislistening digidestined series

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surveys-at-your-service · 4 years

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Survey #315

“can’t breathe to scream / suffocating in this dream / long way down”

Who was your first big crush? I would probably say this guy in high school named Sebastian. We sat beside each other in Art, and I definitely liked him a lot. Man, my freshman-sophomore years honestly involved a handful of crushes before Jason popped into the picture and I lost all romantic interest in everyone else. Where was the first place you drove after you got your license? N/A Is it a blue sky outside right now? No. All North Carolina has known for weeks on end now is rain. We've had very rare sunny days, but for the most part, it's just gray and gross. Was your last breakup a bad one? Nah, I'd say it ended maturely and with a mutual understanding of "why." When was the last time you were surprised, in a pleasant way? Hell if I know. Is there an ice-cream flavor that you strongly dislike? Which one? Yeah, like strawberry. What was the last sitcom you watched? No clue. ^ Do you have a favorite character in that sitcom? Why is that character your favorite? N/A What does the last group you joined on Facebook concern? I am 90% sure it was this group I joined that is literally just about cute yet dangerous animals lmao, mostly reptiles and invertebrates. "Misunderstood biteybois and where to befriemd them" or some stupid shit like that. Has there been a spider in your house at any time recently? Not that I've seen, no. Do you like wearing make-up? Not at all. I only like wearing it for pictures and then taking that shit off. ^ If so, how old were you when you first started to wear it? I started consistently wearing it my freshman year of high school. Then some time later I just showed up one day without any, shocked all my friends, and then only wore it when I felt like it. What foods are you craving lately, if any? Nothing, really. What were some of your favorite foods as a child? Chicken nuggets of course, as well as spaghetti, peanut butter sandwiches, just the typical stuff that kids tend to enjoy. When you were younger, did you ever have a friend that your parents hated? No. Have you ever talked in your sleep before? That's very normal for me, especially now that I have nightmares like every goddamn night. What was the last song you heard, that reminded you of someone? Well, not a real someone, but "The Ordinary World" by the Hit House is 110% one of Fetch's soon-to-be themes. What has brought you joy today? Nothing brought me "joy," really. When was the last time you won a prize in a raffle? What was it? I actually recently won an art rafle on deviantART hosted by a truly amazing artist, like I thought I had no chance, and she's going to be drawing Moondust!!!! :'''') What is the next non-essential item that you intend to buy for yourself? I'm still paying the bulk of my tattoo in May. Is there anywhere in your town/city that's rumored to be haunted? Oh, I'm sure. When you were younger, did you ever think that a certain place was haunted? Bitch I still do lmao. What were your school meals like? Did you enjoy them? This really depended on the menu for the day. My school lunches were nowhere near as bad as some people make theirs sound, but most things still weren't great. I think school pizzas are the most notoriously bad. What kind of granola bar did you eat most recently? I had a cashew bar earlier today. Do you have any books on your shelf that you've read multiple times? I never reread books. What did your last post on social media concern? That I personally wrote, something regarding subtle racism still being racism, pretty much. How do you feel about people using graphic images as a scare tactic to promote their beliefs? (i.e.: PETA, abortion…) I have mixed feelings on this. Like sometimes seeing the brutal side of certain things is definitely useful in opening someone's mind to things they don't want to see/think about, but then there's that, too: it can just be so invasive and unexpected, and thus very upsetting and even scarring. I'd say I'm most for the "appropriate" social media route: using censorship that the viewer can decide whether or not to remove. But you obviously can't do that in like, a public protest with a sign, so idk. Which is harder for you: writing creatively or academically? Honestly, both are pretty easy for me. I enjoy writing creatively far more, though. Do you think gender neutral bathrooms are a good idea? I think it's fine to have them as an option. When was the last time you voluntarily went outside of your comfort zone? Just talking about stuff in group therapy recently. Would you ever use a dating site that costs money, like Match.com or eHarmony? Have you known anyone who had good experience with such sites? No, and yes. Do you think it’s fair that people are able to make a reasonable salary and live comfortable lives just by making YouTube videos? Yes? It takes charisma and talent in some area (humor, education, etc.) as well as consistency for it to be a reliable career, and just consider how often you hear about creators burning out. That happens for a reason. Entertainment is a valid job category and should not be seen as an unfair joke. Whether you’re in college or not, do you become fearful about whether or not you’ll find a good job? Story of my life. What is something you can only understand if you've experienced it first hand? Deep heartbreak. Do you think it's a double standard that a woman can hit a man and expect to get away with it, but if a man hits a woman it's assault? Obviously. Abuse knows no gender, and hitting another person is just that. I do, however, believe in self-defense, also regardless of gender. In terms of a wedding, put these things in order from what would be MOST important to be perfect, to LEAST important... Engagement ring, dress, hair, venue, ceremony, food, pictures, decorations, honeymoon. This requires too much thinking, haha... but I do know the quality of my honeymoon would be most important to me, given that that's personal time with my new spouse and not a public celebration. I feel like what goes on behind closed doors is more important and heartfelt than how you act publicly. Do you have a go-to small talk conversation topic? Probably video games or music, idk. Define "small talk." Does anyone owe you money? Do you owe anyone money? (Besides credit cards) Mom does. She just a few days ago had to borrow $100 for rent. If someone was going to buy you any practical gift (anything except a house or car), what would you choose? It'd be dope as fuck if someone could pay for Venus' next terrarium, but that's a big purchase that I'd have a hard time accepting. How many people do you know with the same first name as you? At least one, but her name is spelled differently. What in your opinion is the best love song ever written? I'm not sure, but I can tell you that "When It's Love" by Van Halen has always been high on the list for me. Was your mother married when she had you? No, actually. I thought she was until my most recent bday, I think. It was just part of a conversation. How old was the first person you kissed? He was a few months into 18. The first person you were in a relationship with, do you still care about them? Of course, he's a sweet guy. We don't talk or anything, but that doesn't mean I don't care about him. Has anyone ever sang to you? Yes. So, what if you married the last person you kissed? That'd be pretty rad. What are you listening to at the moment? "Long Way Down" from the The Evil Within soundtrack. It's funny, like I've loved the game for many years, but I'm now in a serious semi-obsession phase after watching another let's play of it. Have you read the The Hunger Games trilogy? I only read the first book. I loved it, but just never continued. What is your boss’ (or school prinicpal’s) name? N/A Who is the person you dislike the most? That I personally know, probably a former best friend, oddly enough. Do you text your parents often? If Mom's not home, it's not unusual for us to text. I don't text my dad much because he's not a fan of texting. Do you watch YouTube videos often? Pretty much always. Do you know anyone with celiac disease? Sara, my aunt, and my cousin. Those are the ones I know of, anyway. Do you currently have any alarms set? No. How many cars can fit in your driveway? Barely even two. If someone else is here, they usually just park where the road meets the sidewalk of the cul-de-sac. Do you have the ashes of a family member or a pet? Of my dog Teddy, yes. Have you ever been involved in a car crash? Yes, as a kid. Do you prefer flash or no flash on a camera? Definitely no flash. It's more natural, and especially with people, it obviously prevents red eye. How often do you use hashtags? Just about never. Have you ever had whiplash before? No. Have you ever given another person or an animal a bath before? Pets, yes. I could never bathe another human. Is there a birdbath in your yard? No. Weirdest place you’ve ever had a cramp? Nowhere weird, I think... How many lamps are in the room you’re in? How many are actually turned on? Technically three, if you count my snake's heat lamp. Right now that's the only light that's on. Are there any activities you enjoy doing, but can only do for a short amount of time before you get bored or tired of them? Yeah, reading comes to mind first. Is there anything coming out soon (books, albums, movies, video games) that you're looking forward to? I'm not up-to-date on this stuff at all, not even video games. What is something someone recommended to you that you disliked/hated? I know Girt's recommended me music I haven't been a fan of. We like the same general stuff, but there are specific sub-genres we differ in opinion about. Can you unwrap a Starburst in your mouth? ... There are people who do this to even know in the first place??? What is the last thing you ate? Popcorn. Who is your favorite person to spend time with? Sara. Do you know how to grill a steak? I don't know how to cook, period. Do you have a large dog? We don't have a dog currently, but Mom is looking for one pretty intently. We don't know the size it'll end up being. Do you like walking places? Absolutely not. I can't walk far at all without my legs starting to scream at me because leading such a sedentary lifestyle led to muscle atrophy in my legs. It's incredibly embarrassing. Are you a fan of bands most people don’t know of? That's not uncommon for me. Have you ever sent an X-Rated picture to someone? No. Do you think your voice is higher or lower than average? It's deeper than the average woman's. Do you have a pool? No, but I really, really want one... Given how easily I sweat, I would love to use swimming to strengthen my legs. I could also stop the very moment I feel I need to; it in general sounds like something I could quite easily do. How many times have you been on a plane? Ummm including the trips going back, at least six times. Favorite ice cream flavor? Oh my gooooood, if you haven't tried Ben & Jerry's "phish food"... fucking try that shit. It is innnnnncredible. Do you have a TikTok? Nope. Do you enjoy driving? Fuck no I don't. Your favorite store as a teen? Hot Topic was and still is my fave, ha. Favorite YouTuber? There's this one called Markiplier that I think's pretty cool. How many online accounts do you have? A LOT. My whole life is essentially on the computer, so... .-. Do you tend to always be in some sort of drama? Quite the opposite. Do you collect quarters from every state? No. When was the last time your living room furniture was rearranged? Not since we moved into this place. When you were little did you like watching Cartoon Network, Disney or Nickelodeon more? Disney probably topped Nickelodeon. I didn't watch much CN. Who was the last person to kiss you on the cheek? Either my niece or nephew when saying bye. Have you ever seen a magic show? Yes, as a kid. I even had a magician for my bday once. When was the last time you vomited and why? It's been a year or so. It would've been a side effect of starting a certain med that I didn't stay on because it so consistently made me sick. Where do you usually sit when you eat dinner? Either in my bed (I know) or at the dinner table if Nicole is here to eat with us. What time do you usually go to sleep at night? It's typically around 7:30-8:30, occasionally a bit later. I can't believe as a teen, it was my "rule" that I couldn't go to sleep before 10:30 because it was "too early." Nowadays, I can barely imagine regularly staying up that late. Do you avoid using public restrooms? As best as I can. I've seen some nasty shit. What’s your favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip. How basic.

#survey #surveys #questions #lyrics: ''long way down'' - the evil within ost

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fanf1cshawn · 5 years

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broken promises

sooo uh hey everyone! this imagine was inspired by a prompt i saw on a post that i reblogged and it’s my first time doing angst soooo i hope ya’ll like it. ~

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4 - “why can’t you look at me?”

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warnings: swearing and sexual connotations.

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it all started from coming home late from the studio. always coming home at the double digits of the night. he always reasoned with you that he wanted the album to be perfect, so you let it slip the first few times.

then it turned into coming home at midnight. he came home exhausted majority of the time, you unable to wait for him to come home. the dinners you made were always left untouched, or worse, you saw it dumped inside the trash.

you came home from work a bit later today, since there were tons of things to do. you inserted the key into the keyhole, wishing that if you opened the door your boyfriend would be right there, waiting for you.

the door slowly opened and you must have been so tired that you didn’t even hear the low mumbling of your boyfriend in his office. you were a bit disappointed that he wasn’t there to welcome you with a warm hug, but you didn’t mind since it was rare for him to come home earlier than you anyways.

you quickly kick off your heels, sprinting to the office as fast as you can. he was on the phone with someone, but you couldn't make out who he was talking to.

“hey.” you leaned against the doorframe, getting no response. maybe your voice was too quiet for him to hear. you come closer and put your hands on his shoulders, feeling him tense up. he quickly turned around, surprised to see you. his body calmed down and he sighed in relief. he ended the phone call and stood up to wrap you in his arms.

“yo, y/n. didn’t notice you were already home.” it felt... weird. something was up. he gave you a crooked smile and sat right back down on his office chair.

“have you eaten yet?” you ask, so you could make dinner just in case he was hungry.

“uh, yeah. i ate out with the guys today, hope you don’t mind.” he rubbed the back of his neck, chuckling lowly.

“oh. yeah, that’s alright bub.” you reply softly, feeling your heart sink.

“i’ll be in the kitchen if you need something.” you said, thinking that it was going to be another night of eating alone again, even with him being home. you head out to kitchen, heating up the meal you made the you made for shawn the other day, since you knew that he was never going to eat it anyways.

the sound of the microwave heating the food was the only thing heard, ‘til you heard heavy footsteps approach the front door.

“shawn?” you raise your brows, surprised to see him leave again.

“i’ll be heading out for a bit, is that okay with you?” he was rushing to put on his boots, as if he someone was waiting for him.

“but didn’t you just say that you ate out with the guys earlier?” you question. the guys haven’t hung out this much in the past few days, since the guys usually came over if they wanted to hang out.

“last minute plans, they wanna go out clubbing.” he laughs. it sounded convincing, but the thought of him hiding something from you popped up in your head. you shrugged the idea off and sighed. he would never do that to you, he promised.

“uh, sure. have fun!” he took a quick glance at his phone and left without saying goodbye.

that was the last straw.

the moment your food was finished heating, you swallowed your food quickly and searched for shawn’s macbook in his office. the past few weeks you couldn’t help but notice how he was always waiting for a certain message on his phone, making his hand glued to the device.

you opened the macbook and typed in his password, since you always tell each other passwords and codes. icloud syncs on every apple device he owns, and the mac was one of them.

you click on the imessage icon and there you saw everything. the last thing you wanted to see ever from that device. you didn’t know how to feel. shocked, sad, heartbroken?

you scroll through the messages between him and a girl named allison. your jaw drops and your heart sinks for every single word you read from their most recent conversation.

a: are you leaving soon?

: i’m wearing your favorite pair tonight, can’t wait to see you later. 😉

s: fuck babe, i’ll leave as soon as i can. trying to escape from my girlfriend haha

a: lmao why are you still with her anyways, i thought she wasn’t good enough?

s: ‘cause she thinks i still care about her and it’s hard to tell her that i really don’t.

: besides, keeping you a secret is more fun anyways. that way we can do more stuff together. more thrilling than being in the public eye you know?

a: true tho. anyways, see you soon!

you scoff. why haven’t you thought of doing this before? why only now?

although you shouldn’t read the conversations of other people without their knowledge, you didn’t feel bad for reading theirs. not even a single bit.

your grew more pissed when you read through their conversation, finding out that it’s been going on for about 3 months.

you take photos of the convo on your phone to post them on twitter.

tweet by you:

hey @ShawnMendes, hope you have a lot of fun with the guys tonight!

(insert photos of convo)

your finger was on top of the tweet button, but you stopped yourself for a second. should i really do this? you chew on your bottom lip and shrugged. i should.

you press tweet and the tweet spread like wildfire. in just a few minutes, there were already headlines all around social media: Canadian Pop-star Shawn Mendes caught cheating on current girlfriend Y/N, caught by the girlfriend herself!

you go around twitter and saw that Shawn Mendes was trending on twitter and that they even made him a hashtag called #ShawnMendesIsCancelledParty. you laugh as you imagine your now ex-boyfriend’s face, reading the numerous articles and tweets.

you start packing a bag full of clothes when you hear your phone blow off with hundreds of notifications. notifications turned into phonecalls end you exactly knew who was calling you. you never picked up, so you just went on with packing more and more stuff.

you zip up the huge bag and walk into the living room, placing it beside the couch. you decided to wait for shawn to hear his nonsense explanations and what not. the sound of the keys was the only thing heard and when the door swung open there he stood, frozen and pale like he had just seen a ghost in the living room. his eyes were glued to random things in the room, as he kept fidgeting with the end of his shirt.

“so, how did it go? did you finish because of how tight brian was?” you stood up slowly, grabbing the handle of the bag. the sarcasm in your voice ringing in his ears.

“i said, how did it go?” a stern tone left your lips and you started approaching him. you eyed him up and down and to him, your eyes felt like daggers stabbing through him. he didn’t know what to say at that moment, didn’t know what dumb explanation to give you. the words were scrambled in his mind and he couldn’t make up anything.

“i-i swear i didn’t mean it. i was about to break up with her anyways.” he mutters out, voice low that you almost didn’t hear a single thing he said. you laugh loudly, clapping your hands in amusement.

“look at me, shawn.” he didn’t look.

“look at me, shawn.” you repeated, but louder. still, he didn’t move a single bit. he was still eyeing something in the kitchen, except for you.

“why can’t you look at me?!” you screamed, grabbing his chin and turning it for him to finally face you. his eyes were full of misery and the corner of his lips were low.

“after the past three years, shawn, three fucking years.” the tears were about to brim your eyes but you did your best to hold it in.

“i have genuinely loved and cared for you but all you do in return... is cheat? what about that promise you made me three years ago when you asked me to be your girlfriend, huh? you said that you’ll love me and do your best not to hurt me... and you still cheated.” you breathe heavily as you start to feel your throat hurt from holding back all the tears.

“turns out promises are just promises. made to never fulfill.” you brought your hand right across his left cheek, the sound of your hand hitting his face ringing in the room. you left, pushing him aside harshly, sprinting to the elevator as fast as you can.

shawn didn’t run. he couldn’t bring himself to do it. he slammed the door shut and was quiet for a few moments.

he realized how dumb he was for doing such a thing, and he regretted everything. your words ran through his mind over and over again, and you were right. you were always right.

shawn’s tears were streaming down his face and he leaned on the door, sliding down slowly. his long fingers ran through his hair and he tried to catch his breath.

he remembered how tight he held your hands and how he looked deeply into your eyes with love three years ago.

he cried even more because he knew he was stupid, and because of his stupidity, it caused you, the greatest treasure of his life, to leave him all alone.

#shawn mendes #shawn mendes imagines #shawn mendes blurb #shawn mendes fanfic #shawn mendes imagine #shawn mendes one shot #shawn mendes fanfiction #shawn mendes one shots #shawn mendes angst

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cizymfo · 5 years

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Traslated interview with Tobias Forge in Spain

So The Metal Circus posted an interview with Tobias on the 10th of July, I just read it today and since it’s interesting, I decided to translated it for you guys. Please have in mind that my English is not that good so I apologize beforehand for any mistakes.

The man behind Ghost

We had an exclusive interview in Spain with Tobias Forge, the undisputed leader and mastermind of Ghost.

“I can exclusively tell you that, when we go to Madrid, we’ll do it with white robes”. A Nameless Ghoul, that was obviously Tobias Forge, was explaining that to us in 2012 a few weeks before they participated in the Sonisphere festival in Gefate along Metallica, Soundgarden, Slayer and many others.

In just seven years since that interview, Ghost has become a band of big venues preparing their definitive assault to the big audiences in the United States and Europe. But it’ll be “on the next album cycle”. In two years, at least, according to Forge. With “Prequelle” they’ve reached levels of success that were already glimpsed with "Meliora" and especially with the EP “Popestar", where the single "Square Hamer" made them cross into the mainstream in a place as complicated for rock as the United States.

Now they are comfortably installed in venues of 4,000 to 6,000 of capacity but already entering the macro places of 15,000 of capacity. All thanks to a tireless persecution of the vocalist and leader for an excellent production that honors his rock idols: Rolling Stones, Kiss, Mötley Crüe, Metallica. It’s precisely as a guest of the latter that the group visits Barcelona again, two years after the last time.

The venue is the Estadi Olimpic Lluís Companys of the mountain of Montjuic and Ghost play for an hour focusing on the best of their repertoire: far away are the concessions to their first and less refined work "Opus Eponymous". Hardly sounds "Ritual" of that time. Much of the set circulates around "Meliora" and "Prequelle", the two albums that marked Ghost's rise to fame. With the Sabbath-like riff of "Cirice" they dazzle 42,000 people in a stadium who are not even Ghost fans. They confuse them with "Miasma" and its excessiveness. They make them sing with the pyrotechnic "Absolution". Cardinal Copia a.k.a. Tobias Forge has the audience eating from the palm of his hand. And, I repeat, they are not even his fans.

That was at 7:30 p.m. But at 6:15 p.m., a completely unmasked Tobias Forge received this journalist in the interiors of a clean and well-cared for tour bus with which he is crossing the old continent - and will continue to do so until the end of August, when the tour with Metallica ends. This is nothing like those infernal tour buses with 30 people, smell of feet and drunken Scandinavians. Forge is alone - his tour manager appears from time to time to remind us that, well, it's getting late and the Cardinal doesn’t get ready in five minutes - and he looks at you while offering the most elaborate and loquacious answers that a modern rock musician can give.

Ahead, the imminent confirmation of a European tour that will arrive in Spain at the end of the year. And an everlasting warning via e-mail a few days before: "No photo, no video". The legal dispute with his former bandmates may have finally revealed that Forge is the man behind Ghost, but mysticism is still mysticism. Even in the age of social media.

One year after "Prequelle", what is your assessment of what Ghost has achieved during this time? Have you reached the point you wanted?

I think so. One of the main goals I had with this album cycle and tour was to get to play in arenas or, at least, to be in a situation where we can play arena scale shows. Now we’re facing the end of the tour cycle and we know how we are going to finish. If nothing drastic happens, at the end of the cycle we’ll have achieved that goal. After this tour with Metallica we’re going to the United States to make another tour and they all are going to be arenas.

After that, we’re going to do a European tour at the end of the year and we’re returning to Spain, I can confirm it. Although the size of the spaces in which we play can vary from sports palaces to large venues. My goal is not to play in front of a certain number of people but rather that the show can be developed in a concrete way and under optimal conditions. I want to be able to bring the full production on stage and I can’t do that in Razzmatazz, for example. But if I go to Club Sant Jordi in Barcelona, where 4,600 people can fit, I can do it.

Anyway, we were lucky the last time we were here on tour. I think we came on tour just in Easter, which was a small suicide (laughs). We had no idea. If we managed to come to the Sant Jordi Club this time, I am confident that the next time, with the next album, we’ll make it to the big venue, the Palau Sant Jordi. I hope.

Do you usually plan each of these steps consciously and precisely?

Absolutely. I think many of my goals, many of the things I wanted to achieve in my life and in my career, were planned a long time ago. I was clear about what I wanted to do. Another thing would be knowing if all this was going to happen with Ghost and not with other projects or bands.

I'll give you an example: when I was 8 or 9 years old, I was a big fan of the Rolling Stones. I'm still a fan but that was the highest point. The Rolling Stones were my favorite band, I knew everything about them, I saw everything that could be seen, I listened to everything that could be listened to. In 1990 there were not many things to see, certainly, although they were one of the first bands to make a documentary about their own career, something especially remarkable. It was titled "25x5". As I said, there was not much to see but, in the summer of 1990, there was a great concert that was broadcast live across Europe and it was the one they did at the Estadi Olimpic in Barcelona during the "Urban Jungle" tour.

It must be a dream come true to play here today.

God, I’ve seen that concert so many times. It was the tour for the album 'Steel Wheels' and since then I've wanted to play at the Estadi Olimpic in Barcelona. Now I'm here, I'm playing tonight. It wasn’t the way I could imagine back then but I’ve been able to cross off the list one of my goals. I imagined this moment thirty years ago and it’s happening now.

The undeniable influence of Metallica

Metallica was one of the bands that supported Ghost the most on the early years. You have the same agent, John Jackson of K2, and you’ve been on tours like those of Sonisphere in 2012 and 2013, which served to position Ghost strongly in the European market. What role have Metallica played in helping to put Ghost on the scene?

A huge influence. We wouldn’t be where we are if it weren’t for them - not just geographically, but at this level of popularity. They were the first great artists who promoted the band and showed their support publicly. They were a great influence and if it had not been for them ... well, I could’ve had the influence of the Rolling Stones, of course, but Metallica had a huge impact on my youth because I discovered them after the Stones.

I listened to Metallica at that time but not as much as I would later. When they released their films, "A Year and a Half in the Life of Metallica 1 & 2", they had a great impact on me and my way of seeing a band. When the Stones talked about how they came to be big in their documentary, it seemed like a distant speech, realistic but distant. In the case of Metallica, we’re talking about a more contemporary band, closer in time for me at that time.

I come from a metal background. My first idols were not Muddy Waters. I didn’t aspire to do something derived from blues. I wanted to be a rock star. The Stones began when the rock stars were something embryonic that didn’t even exist, while Metallica and I are closer in the sense of having developed from the same musical approach.

I’m not ashamed to say that Metallica, directly or indirectly, have influenced me to become everything I am today and that they’ve been instrumental in achieving many of the things I wanted. This tour is a good example of this. They were the ones who asked us to accompany them on this European stadium tour. It was their initiative.

Would you say that "Prequelle" is Ghost's 'Black Album'? It’s the album that has brought the haters but also a more mainstream audience. Would it be a valid comparison?

No. I think if we can compare it with something it would be with "... And Justice For All" regarding Metallica's career. It's a therapeutic album and it's not the best record I can make, but it was a necessary record.

Do you see “Prequelle” as a transitional record?

I could say that. If you want me to make an analogy with Metallica, I can point several factors with which there is similarity with respect to their fourth album. It’s a record they made in response to a tragedy. Obviously, theirs was a real tragedy, the death of Cliff Burton. Mine was a concatenation of legal problems, a severe bombing. I had the wind against me and a lot to prove. "... And Justice For All" took Metallica from one point to another, elevated them to large arenas and turned them into a much more autonomous band. In that sense, "Prequelle" has done the same for Ghost.

Now, with several years of career behind me, I’ve learned what I want and how to get there. Therefore, our next album could potentially be the equivalent of a 'Black Album', so to speak (laughs). I don’t know, it's hard to imagine. I don’t like to make those comparisons because the "Black Album" was released in another time, in another era and went down in history as one of the greatest and best-selling heavy metal albums of all time.

There is a thin line between love and hate

I remember reading how you explained that the character of Cardinal Copia caused you a certain displeasure, that he was an impertinent character even for yourself. A few months ago, it came to light that an alleged friend had 'ceded' the character of Papa Emeritus and that there was some legal dispute about your use within Ghost. Is Cardinal Copia a way to put aside Papa Emeritus and to overcome some legal impediment?

Not at all. To be totally honest, that person never gave me the character, but the name: "Papa Emeritus".

You said that everything that happened last year was like “a bombing”. Behind the character is the person. How has Tobias Forge lived the harassment and demolition to which he was subjected? Did you consider leaving all of this?

I never thought about quitting, to be honest. It’s not even on the table to do something like that. I think that, analyzing what happened and paying attention to small specific facts, it was inevitable. Socially I was within a group of people – I’m not talking about the band, but socially. I have many friends but in a specific group of them it happens that we were all the same. We all had a similar income, a similar educational level, etc. Within social circles like these it becomes very problematic that one of its members grows more than the rest. In my head I was still the same person. When I returned home, I tried to hang out with them and for me things were going as usual, but I wasn’t the same person for them.

Another problem is that within that social group, which was not the band itself although there were some members of my band, I was the only one who had children. When I returned home after six weeks of touring, I wouldn’t go to the bar with them, but I would go home. That means time was passing, even years. It seemed to them that I was changing, that I was disengaging. Of course I was, because I was working hard and when I came home I wanted to be with my family. But then, five years later, I gave them an excuse to be angry at me.

When all of that happened, I couldn’t believe that the ones I thought were my friends were doing all this to me. Some were very nice to me and gave me all the support, but others stabbed me in the back with no hesitation. They didn’t call me to tell me anything and try to know my side of the story. No. They went on social media and wrote posts saying 'oh, he used to be my friend but now he changed'. I didn’t even know what changed! We didn’t even talk to each other for three years. Then I stopped to think about what the problem was, and I understood that the problem is that I hadn’t had time to be close to them and to maintain friendly relationships afloat.

What happened to me is not original. It’s a classic and it’s inevitable. That's why I look at it with some distance, because it seems inevitable to me. Had it not been that incident, it would have been another. It was inevitable. I couldn’t have done anything to prevent it. I was more worried about the people in that circle than about the band. There was only one of my friends in that social group that I refer to. The members of the band that were denouncing me last year were not even my close friends. What hurts is that people you trust, people you’re close to, come to have a big problem with you that comes from afar and that they never told me anything. Being in the middle of all that is very confusing.

When you are reaching a certain age, time goes by very quickly. People like you or me see how one year, two years, five years ... fly by. When time goes by, you meet people you may not have seen in two years and you think it was yesterday. In my case, having been around doing 'funny things', I was like a traitor to them. I had preferred to do 'my things' rather than foster those personal relationships. But it is what it is. I can’t do anything to change it.

What’s the next step for Ghost?

Now I’m going to be with Metallica all summer, and in the fall we’re going to do the American and European tour. This summer is a little relaxed because the shows are outdoors and we play only one hour, even at festivals. At the end of the year, when we have finished the European tour, I’m going start recording the next album. In January of 2020 I’ll start to work progressively on it and 2021 would be a good approximation regarding the release date.

#tobias forge #tobias forge interview #the band ghost #ghost bc #ghost band #i dont even know if this was translated already #but hey #i cant just delete all this now can i

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cassercole · 5 years

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the one where he’s got a kid (pt. 1/?)

SHIP: Q PROCTOR/STEVE ROGERS (QUEVE), PROCTOR-ROGERS FAMILY FEELS RATING: TEEN WORD COUNT: 1,812 PROMPT: INSPIRED BY @emiliachrstine‘s DRABBLE // An AU where Steve doesn’t know he has a teenage daughter. TAGGING: (permanent tag list): @whindsor, @fraysquake, @elenacarinandherfandoms, @peplumsandpitches (those who encouraged it): @sgtbuckyybarnes @thegalanerd (WANT TO BE ADDED TO THE TAG LIST?)

( PART TWO ) ( PART THREE )

Her mother always told her how her father was a hero. Saved the world, multiple times, for them. His family. Because he loved them. She was smart enough to know how the story ended: her father dying a heroic death. Even though her mother never told her how or when it happened, Bonnie Proctor knew her father had to be dead. There weren’t any pictures of him around the house -- she had already looked through the photo albums to try and find any potential man who could be. Even some sort of memorial set up above the fireplace, dedicated to him, like she had seen in movies. It was probably too painful. So she never asked, just listened to the stories her mother told her about how much her father loved her. Them.

When she was younger, she asked a lot of questions about her father. Ones that her mother either didn’t have the answer to or passed on the question. When she did get an answer or two, they were always the same variation of previous responses. She learned to stop asking about him. She accepted the fact that she didn’t have a father. At least she had her mother. Some people didn’t have that either.

It wasn’t so bad, being just the two of them. Sure, sometimes she was a bit bitter about not having a dad to do father/daughter type things. But whenever that happened, she counted on her Uncle Dawson to step in -- which he did, begrudgingly of course (though she knew he secretly loved it). But she loved her mom and knew she always had her best interests at heart.

“Don’t you dare give me that bullshit about how you’re doing this to protect her again, Q.” Dawson cut off his friend as she opened her mouth to respond to his previous comment, “You can only use it so many times.”

“But it’s true.” she responded as she packed up Bonnie’s lunch for her field trip, “I’m saving her from the same pain I go through every time he leaves.” she sighed, pressing the phone in between her shoulder and ear, “It’s not fair for her to have to deal with him coming and going at random times.” she paused, “And I can’t tell him either. He’d be too distracted with the thought of her while he’s fighting off whatever alien invasion there is and get himself killed.”

“Or maybe he’d finally hang up that shield of his.” Dawson pointed out. Q scoffed and reached up to pull her phone from the nook between her shoulder and ear, switching sides.

“We are talking about the same person, right? My husband, Mr. Save the World.”

“I believe it’s pronounced: Captain America.” he corrected her, not seeing her eye roll, “And besides, you don’t know that.”

“Except that I do.” she reminded him, knowing she knew him better than she knew herself, “Listen, it’s only a few more months until she’s eighteen and then...I’ll tell her.” she finished, already getting nervous about the conversation she was going to have with her daughter. It was something she had decided before Bonnie was even born. The choices were either wait until Steve finally decided to retire or until Bonnie turned eighteen, and it seemed Bonnie turning eighteen was about to come first. She wasn’t surprised at all.

It’s not like she didn’t want to tell Steve. She did. She thought about telling him countless times. But then he would leave abruptly or call her from some undisclosed location and she was reminded of what life would be like. Raising a child on her own, dealing with the emotional stress of having a father like Steve. One who ran headfirst into danger without thinking about the outcome because it was what was right. One who disappeared in the middle of the night because he got a call about a potential threat. One who probably wouldn’t make it to birthdays or father-daughter dances because he was busy saving the world. She had learned to live with knowing that she came after, but she couldn’t do that to her child. So she decided to just raise Bonnie on her own; regardless, she would be doing that even if she had told Steve.

Hopefully, one day when the time came, Bonnie would understand that Q was just trying to protect her. Protect her from the pain that she had lived with for the past twenty-odd years. And that she wanted to tell her too, but time passed too quickly. She got caught up in her sorta-kinda-lie, and it was just easier to keep telling it. But for now, she was going to finish packing her daughter’s lunch for her field trip.

__________________________

A long time ago, Steve had given up the thought of ever having a traditional, nuclear family. The white picket fence with a dog and two and a half kids faded from his imagination with each passing year. Instead, it was replaced with the family he did have: his beautiful wife, his brother in arms and the rest of his friends. That was his family and he was grateful for it.

Sure, he thought about settling down, retiring and giving up the shield to someone else. Get a chance at that life Tony spoke of so long ago. But each time he thought about it, something came up or got in the way to remind him of why that wasn’t possible. He was Captain America. He had people to protect. And after Thanos, there were a lot more threats that decided Earth was ground zero for whatever mission they planned. Hostile takeover more often than not. How could he possibly just walk away?

In passing, whenever he mentioned it to Q, she seemed fine with their current situation. Happy, in fact. They had wasted so much time and had time taken from them that she was content with whatever she was able to get. Or at least that’s what she had convinced him of. They had reverted back to their ways pre-Thanos, but post-Accords. He spent weeks to months away on various missions, protecting the planet from threats from both the ground and worlds above them. They saw each other infrequently, but frequently enough that it didn’t matter. And there was no reason to sneak around in fear of the government finding out and then coming to arrest both of them for treason.

He had tried to make it better. Not really liking how long they had been spending apart -- which was why summers had become theirs. He made himself AWOL and she took the summer off from her now boringly real job (nothing compared to the excitement brought on by working with the Avengers). They relaxed in the mountains in Pennsylvania, far away from any alien attacks or marketing crises. A blissful three months of pure heaven.

One day, he hoped to extend the three months into forever. But there wasn’t any pressing reason to besides his own selfishness. And besides, he had a world to protect.

From the moment he had woken up in 2012, he had been fighting aliens. Something he never would’ve believed if someone had told him so in 1941. Nazis? Sure. Aliens? You’re fucking crazy. Yet, he had. Multiple times. And there he was again, in the middle of New York, once again fighting off a horde of disgusting creatures as they descended on the city. Just as they had in 2012. This damn city couldn’t get a break, could it?

Hitting back one alien, he looked out across the scene of chaos before him. People were running to what was assumed safety -- really anywhere out of the open area. Cars had been flipped over from the weapons the aliens had used. A few fires spurting up here and there that both people and aliens avoided. His teammates were dealing with their own aliens and keeping those they could safe, herding them away from the street and into the museum they were in front of.

As he scanned the area, he spotted a small group of teenagers backing away from a rather large and intimidating alien that was stalking toward them. It growled and snapped it’s jaw at them, making a few yelp in fear. All of them were covered in dust and soot, clearly having been near the first blast site. One was supporting another who was dragging their leg behind them, another tried to defend the others with what seemed to be a pipe of some sort.

From his vantage point, he could see the glowing yellow of the alien’s body weapon powering up. The teens didn’t notice, too focused on the injured and the other aliens that were beginning to surround them. He took a bounding leap, jumping over a few overturned cars and launching himself off another piece of fallen debris so he could get to where the group was a bit faster. He came down hard, in a rather superhero-like landing, while his arm immediately went up to block the blast of energy from hitting the teenagers behind him. It ricocheted off of his shield and bounced back against the alien itself. Another came snarling at him from the side, making him use his fist to hit it across the face.

“Hold this for a second, will ya?” he turned to glance at the girl directly behind him for a split second, handing off his shield to her. A small way to protect herself while he continued to fend off the aliens coming at them.

Bonnie took it tentatively and held it in front of it. It was lighter than all of her textbooks said it was. Even if it were made out of the strongest metal on Earth, she felt like she could snap it in half if she bent it too hard in one direction.

“Thanks.” his voice got her to look up from where she had been studying the shield for the past few minutes instead of paying attention to the chaos around her. And then she realized who exactly she was looking at.

The dark red, white and navy blue costume was different than the ones in the PSAs they made her watch in school, or even the one that was on display at the Smithsonian. He was tall with his dirty blonde hair falling in front of his bright blue eyes. The eyes that scrunched up around the corners thanks to the easy smile on his face, despite the terrifying things that were going on around them. She had seen him countless times before: picture in textbooks, video PSAs that played before gym, the comic books her Uncle Frankie kept in the attic, but nothing compared to how he looked in person.

“Holy shit, you’re Captain America.” she breathed out before her world went dark.

#ocappreciation #allaboutocs #marvelocsdaily #**#**writings #queve fam feels #[idk idk idk]#[theres A Lot to this hahahaha]#[so get readyyyyy]

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oxatouchofthewickedxo · 5 years

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Saturn’s Return

this post is more for my own benefit bc my memory sucks so you can stop reading now if ya want.

so a while back when i watched parks and recreation all the way through for the first time, i got very intrigued by the conversation that donna and april had about the concept of saturn’s return. which if you don’t know, saturn will return to the exact spot it was when you were born around 27-29 years later. apparently this is a time for rebirth and renewal as well as a shedding of your child self so you can begin the process of growing up and becoming an adult.

not too long after that, i happened to be really paying attention to the lyrics of “the grudge” by tool in which maynard talks about saturn ascending and forcing you to make a choice in your life. didn’t really do much research on it at the time because i was actually in the bath tub while listening to it and like i said, my memory is terrible so by the time i got out and got dressed, it slipped my mind.

last night, my best friend came over to my fiance & i’s house and somehow this concept of saturn’s return came up in conversation which sparked the tool song in my head again. i began to look into it and apparently this theory is extremely prevalent in the land o’ tool. i’m just gonna list the things that may be all in my head but considering maynard and the insanity of all that tool is, i highly doubt it:

1. at least 2 songs have this concept as a theme: the grudge and jambi

2. 10,000 days is the title of an album as well as a song. saturn’s return takes roughly 10,000 days.

3. opiate came out in 1992, 10,000 days came out in 2006, and fear inoculum came out this year, 2019. so in my opinion, opiate is like the birth of tool, 10,000 days come out 14 years later which suggests they are midway through their journey as a band, then in 2019 which is 27 years later, saturn returns and tool as we know them have reached their peak. so i believe that if tool does in fact make another album after this, they may not be the tool we are all used to.

4. lateralus is 78 minutes and 51 seconds long. 78 minus 51 is 27.

5. the grudge is 8 minutes and 36 seconds long, 36-8 is 28.

please note that i do realize that lateralus came out before 10,000 days but i am just pointing out the constant use of these numbers throughout the band’s history. if i didn’t know maynard the way that i do, i would think these were all just coincidences but i have learned so many times throughout the last 9 years that there literally are NO coincidences in this band. everything has meaning. LITERALLY everything.

as far as my personal experiences with saturn’s return, i truly believe this is a real thing. my fiance was 28 years old when we met in 2010 and he turned 29 3 months later. this was a time of internal struggle, self discovery, and straight up insanity for him. he had been using crack for about 4 years at this point and was at this precipice with it where he literally hated how the drug made him feel but his addiction would get the best of him every time and he would end up using. however, something came over him one day and he decided that he wasn’t going to let this happen anymore so he voluntarily went to rehab and he came home a new man. sure, there have been a couple of slip ups here and there, but no binges and definitely a different type of regret afterwards. literally from that moment that he made his mind up to better himself, he has been a completely different person. he is the most incredible human being i know and i am so grateful for whatever clicked in his brain to make him change.

flash forward to now and i am currently 29 years old and the last 4 months have been the most life shaping ones of my life. on august 13th of this year i got fired from my job. 2 weeks later, the cops showed up at our house looking for me. luckily, i had literally just left 5 minutes before this so i didn’t end up in jail. turns out there was a warrant out for my arrest due to a driving under suspension charge i had gotten in may when i got pulled over for speeding. i had absolutely no idea my license was suspended by the way. but anyway, i completely forgot to go to my court date and for some reason, they never sent me anything about the rescheduled one so hence the warrant. due to the fact that not only was i unemployed, but also the cops showed up twice in one day, my fiance’s grandparents told him i could no longer live in our house which we rent from them and is behind theirs. they are super old school so the minute anything like this happens, they think the worst. i had nowhere else to go, so i in the blink of an eye was homeless. prior to losing my job, i had been going to the methadone clinic for over a year in order to get off heroin. because i could no longer afford my methadone, i immediately fell back in with my heroin dealer who was like my big brother, so instead of giving me dope for money, he gave me dope for rides to work. so here i was, homeless, back on heroin, and completely uncaring and oblivious to the shit hole i had dug for myself. all of this led to me driving 2.5 hours to my father’s house on october 11th. i came completely clean with my dad, told him about all the horrible things i had been doing over the last few years, and begged him to let me stay with him for a while in order to get my shit together which i thought was very doable since i was no longer in my city around drugs and enablers. instead though, my dad’s solution was to ship me off to a 12 MONTH LONG FAITH BASED “recovery program.” i should add that i do not believe in the christian god at all and think that organized religion is a joke and he knows this about me. to make matters worse, they also did not allow me to have ANY correspondence with my fiance who i have been with for 9 years and has been my ONLY support system during this time. i am talking no phone calls, no visits, and not even letters back and forth. as if all that wasn’t enough to make me want to kill myself, they also didn’t offer any type of medically assisted detox. i was told all that would be available to me was ibuprofen, rest, and water. if you’ve never gone through opiate withdrawal, then you have no freaking clue about the hell that i was about to be in for. i can’t even put what dope sickness feels like into words. it is literally the worst thing i have ever experienced in my life. i wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. there’s a lyric from the highly suspect song “bath salts” that kind of describes it perfectly....”6 AM, there goes the moon, i feel like death is coming soon & oh, all i wanna do is fucking sleep.” which is about damn right because you feel like you are dying and no matter what you do, you can’t sleep. no amount of downers or sleeping pills can calm those restless legs bruh. but anyway...i am getting off track. i knew going into this bullshit that i wasn’t going to make it. not because of me wanting to use again, but because i was going to have jesus literally crammed down my throat and the absence of matthew from my life for a year was just NOT going to happen. adding insult to injury, the day i went into this god forsaken place was october 14th, ONE FUCKING DAY before our 9 year anniversary. the only thing i even wanna say about my time at this place right now was that they are satists because they would only give me ibuprofen, etc. once a day, i was only allowed to “rest” the first 3 days i was there and this rest was either laying across the world’s most uncomfortable chairs or on the freezing ass cold floor of a fucking church sanctuary. anyways, on the weekends we were FORCED to go all over the east coast in small groups to fundraise in order to “earn our keep”...we had to do this for 13 hours a day every friday and saturday. fast forward to my 2nd weekend there and my 2nd day of my 2nd fundraiser. i’m not sure what came over me, but something inside me snapped. i reached my “i cannot take this shit anymore” point. we went inside the walmart we were fundraising at and i stole one of those small personal boxes of wine, went into the bathroom, and shotgunned the fuck out of this thing. once we were back outside at our table, i waited until it was my turn to “man” the table and my leader’s turn to “work the door” and i went into her bookbag & stole the $550 we had raised the day before. i then asked her if i could go get my tennis shoes out of the van and when i did that, i also grabbed my id and social security card out of my wallet. a couple of minutes later, i asked for a bathroom break which we were not allowed to take alone, so as soon as she went inside a stall, i turned around and ran like a crazy person out of that store & across the street to metro pcs to get a cell phone. after that, i went to walgreens where i got a prepaid debit card and ordered a lyft to a hotel where i got a room for the night. once i got settled, i first made plans with my dealer to come home and get up with him. we looked into me taking a lyft home but that would have cost $200 so we decided i would wait til the morning and take a bus. not sure what it was but something kept telling me that it was a horrible idea to do all of that. it kept getting stronger and when my gut talks to me like that, i listen, so i knew i needed a plan b. i don’t know what put this thought in my head, but i decided to call this guy i had worked with a few years ago. i worked at a pest control company as a schedule coordinator and he was one of the technicians i scheduled for. we lived in different states, about 4 hours away from one another, but we talked on the phone constantly obviously. during the time i worked there, we grew incredibly close and even after i stopped working there, we maintained a relationship and anytime he had to come to my city, which is where the corporate office is located, we would get together. in 2016, i even cheated on my fiance with him. this kid was head over heels in love with me, but i never felt the same way, but me being my typical bitchy self, i preyed on that to my advantage. he and i hadn’t spoken since shortly after we hooked up in 2016, but he literally jumped in his car the moment i asked and was on the way to come get me. unfortunately, his car broke down on the interstate like 45 minutes after he left, so i ended up getting a bus ticket to where he lives the next morning. he came and got me at the bus station and all of a sudden, i was in a different state, 4 hours from home, and living with a man who was not my fiance whom at this point i hadn’t even called yet. i was terrified to tell him about what i had done because i was so ashamed. i didn’t want to disappoint him yet again because at this point, that’s all i was doing. fast forward to 2 weeks later and my fiance found out that i had decided i was going to stay where i was and be with this other dude because i had convinced myself i didn’t need him and that i was living my best life, so of course, he stopped talking to me and said he was done. for 5 days, i didn’t try to contact him or even look at my phone, but one night while the new guy was at work, i was laying in bed watching how i met your mother and seeing marshall and lily made me miss my fiance on a physically painful level. so, i finally caved and turned my phone on even though i knew that any communication from him was going to be negative and horribly mean. instead though, i only had one message from him and it was the sweetest msg ever saying he was going to always love me and be waiting for me if i wanted him, but he wasn’t going to interfere with my happiness if this new dude made me happy. i immediately called him and we stayed on the phone for 2 hours during which we made the plan for him to come rescue me. that was on a tuesday and we planned for him to come pick me up the following monday. those were the longest 5 days of my life. when we finally were together again, he picked me up, i wrapped my legs around him, and we kissed. it was at that moment i knew that he is my fucking home. there will never be anyone for me but him. those 37 days without him were the most agonizing days of my life and i swear i will never be away from him again.

so to bring this to a close, my saturn’s return literally returned me to my home in the literal and figurative sense. i have learned more about myself and about what life is about in the last 4 months than i ever have in my 29 years of life. things are far from perfect right now, but i am somehow at peace because for once, i listened to my heart instead of trying to please everyone else. i can’t explain to you the realizations i have come to in these last few weeks, but i am beyond clear headed and i know without a doubt i did the right thing for my sanity. this saturn’s return shit is real and is no fucking joke.

PS....AS OF 12/12/19, I WILL BE OFF OF OPIATES FOR 2 MONTHS AND THAT IS THE LONGEST CLEAN TIME I HAVE HAD FROM THEM IN 8 FUCKING YEARS SO AYYYYYYE! lol

#saturnsreturn #saturn #life #addiction #opiates #tool #maynardjameskeenan #rehab

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yukimuraseiichi · 6 years

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How to join Tenimo

I just joined Tenimo several days ago and thought others might like to try it too, so I made a guide on how to join! But first off, what is Tenimo?

Tenimo is short for Tenimyu Mobile!

What can you do on Tenimo?

All of the music on tenimyu is available here. Sort of. That means you can listen to all the tenimyu songs, bgms, and karaoke legally and all in one place! You can view their music by album, by show, by song, and you can search by keyword too. You can also create your own playlists! (Note: Y’all know what happened to 1st Higa right. they’re non-existent. sad)

You can access and listen to their web radio any time!

They post behind-the-scenes photos every day! They call this “TODAY’s 1 SHOT”.

You can read the cast blog! These are blog posts written by the cast members. They often include a lot of behind-the-scenes photos too. Some of them are really really cute and wacky. A+

You can view a lot of stage photos and backstage videos!

If you ever plan on watching tenimyu live, you can join the Tenimo pre-ticket sales lottery!

You can be chosen to receive rare tenimyu goods! For example, there’s a Bunkasai staff T-shirt giveaway ongoing right now.

You can choose to receive the free Tenimo mail magazine! (Note: This is not automatic. They will not send you things without your consent. You will have to actively subscribe to this.)

... and a lot more!

You can also “clip” the photos and articles you like from “TODAY’s 1 SHOT” and the cast blog, so you can have your own personal gallery. This is done by pressing the clip button.

To sign up, you will need only the following:

cellphone

Wi-Fi

credit card

your first name and surname in katakana

a japanese address and telephone number (doesn’t have to be yours)

As a preview, this is what the home page looks like:

“Welcome, ___-san”

Yeah, you read that right. There’s also a Birthday Message! This is a special video message from all the members of the current Seigaku cast that will be made available to you on your birthday! This can be viewed only until one week after your birthday.

W O W omg I LOVE IT I WANNA JOIN!!!!!

... is what you were going to say. (-_-)

Now, how do I sign up?

There are three available membership “courses” on Tenimo: ￥300/month, ￥500/month, and ￥800/month (tax not included).

I don’t know why 3rd season songs aren’t included in that list because they are available on the site.

The music is NOT available in the ￥300 course.

The ￥500 course can access songs from 1st season to 3rd season, and can create up to 10 different playlists. (You can have a total of 120 minutes only per playlist)

The ￥800 course can access songs AND BGM/karaoke from 1st season to 3rd season, and can create up to 30 different playlists. You can also access Tenimo special playlists here.

PREPARATION

Before registering, you will need to prepare your name in Katakana, a japanese address (including postal code), and a telephone number.

They do not have to be yours. Things will not be sent to the address and the telephone number will not be contacted. However, if you have a relative or a friend who lives in Japan, and you would like to subscribe to the mail magazine or buy tenimyu tickets, then I would strongly advise you to borrow theirs.

If you do not have a japanese address and phone number, just look for japanese hotels or something on google and copy their address and telephone number, or use whatever you did to make a jp account for downloading Tenirabi. MAKE SURE THAT THE ADDRESS IS WRITTEN IN KANJI.　

Got that copied in your phone’s notes?

If you have, then you’re all set! You can now sign up for Tenimo!

STEP 1: Access the Tenimo website on your phone’s browser.

sp (dot) tennimu (dot) jp

It should lead you to a page like this:

STEP 2. Click the encircled button. It says membership registration (会員登録).

STEP 3. Scroll down until you see the blue buttons below, then click on the course you like.

It will show you the credit cards they accept (Visa, MasterCard, JCB, Annex) and the steps on how to register.

STEP 4. Scroll down until you see the blue buttons again. You will see a total of six buttons divided into groups of two buttons per course.

The first button is for those who want to sign up.

The second button is like: Already have an ID? This is where you can log in after signing up.

Click the first button under the course you want to avail.

STEP 5. Enter your e-mail address.

STEP 6. They will send you an email containing a link that will lead you to the sign-up form. It expires in an hour. Click it.

There will be a warning that says if they find out you’re using falsified information, your account may get suspended, so just be cautious.

STEP 7. Fill up the following:

お名前 - name (this can be in kanji or in katakana)

姓 - surname

名 - first name

お名前（カタカナ）- name (katakana)

姓 - surname

名 - first name

Write/paste your katakana surname in the first box, and first name in the second. Do this for both “names”.

It will not work if you write your name using the alphabet.

It has a limit of up to 8 characters per name. It will cause an error if your katakana name exceeds that limit.

郵便番号 - postal number

Make sure the number you enter is half-width (e.g. 123), and not full-width (e.g. １２３)

住所 - address

Copy and paste the address you prepared earlier. It should be written in kanji, and the numbers at the end should be full-width (e.g. １−２−３). This should not exceed 50 characters.

電話番号 - phone number

You can use either landline or cellphone for this one.

生年月日 - date of birth

The order goes: year, month, day.

性別 - gender

left: male, right: female

ログインID - login ID

Should be 6-16 lowercase letters.

If your account gets suspended, you’ll have to sign-up again with a different login ID.

パスワード - password

There are two boxes because it wants to confirm your password.

Your password should have 8 to 16 letters/numbers.

Use at least one number and two letters. Your password should not be the same as your login ID.

STEP 8. It will ask you to confirm your information. Scroll down until you see two buttons.

The top button says “register”. The bottom button will bring you back to the previous page to fix your information. Click the top button.

STEP 9. Input your credit card information.

From here, I won’t be able to provide screenshots because I’ve already registered. I think there might be examples on that page, so you won’t be too lost on what info to enter and where.

After that, I don’t know if it’ll ask you to confirm your information, or maybe it’s already done. All that’s left is for you to input your nickname and birthday in your My Page.

To log in, go back and follow steps 1 to 4, but on step 4, click the second button instead. Enter your login ID and password.

The page will look like this:

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i-will-physically-fight-you · 5 years

Text

I just gotta be real for a hot second.

Warnings: discussions of suicidal ideation, depression, anxiety

2015 remains a pinnacle year for me. I have a lot of good memories associated with it, and it’s around that time I started hearing about this certain band. A single of theirs hit mainstream and suddenly they’re the talk of the town. My natural inclination when encountering something popular is to turn my nose up at it. If it’s popular it’s overrated. You know what’s popular? Music. For most of my middle school and high school years, I didn’t get what was the big deal about music. Why was everyone obsessed about it, and specifically boy bands? So I mainly ignored the hype.

And by “mainly” I mean the curiosity got the better of me one day so I searched some of their songs on Youtube. It was...different than anything I’ve ever encountered. It was abrasive, eccentric, bizarre, take your pick. I tried to love them but I couldn’t even though I resonated with the lyrics. And I’ve never been one to try to fit with the crowd. Like I said, I went against the crowd. So aside discovering a song of theirs in an amv and loving it, I ignored them for about three years.

But then last year my sister kept playing one of their songs on the ukulele and I...liked it. So I sought them out again on my own terms. I slowly fell in love with their music. It helped they released an album in the autumn. My sister loves them and it became a bridge between the two of us. We don’t have many of those.

But again, super causal. It wasn’t until the new year hit and my mental health sunk like a tank. I’ve been struggling with depression and anxiety since the start of middle school. It’s sad to think roughly half of my life has been consumed by it. But living with it after awhile, you begin to learn the ebbs and flow of it. But this? This was a whole another type of monster.

I wish I could time travel back to the start of this year and tell past me, “Honey, you got a big storm coming for you. I know it’ll seem that it’ll never get better. But I promise things they will and I’ll be holding onto you.”

I would have days where I would just bawl for three or four hours straight. The slightest thing would make me cry. When I wasn’t crying, I was an unemotional husk of a person.

I would be thoroughly convinced my friends and family were going to be extremely angry at me for minuscule things. I would experience moments of intense panic, where my heart raced to the speed of my careening thoughts and I was so cold that no amount of layers or blankets would warm me up.

I remember a day a moment like this happened, where I ended up taking a nap in this state for two hours, woke up exhausted beyond belief and then showed up to work having to pretend that yes, I’m a functioning human being who is not falling apart, no siree.

I could barely muster up the motivation to write, and when I did it was mostly heavy and dark. Floating With the Sunset and Guiding Lights come to mind, especially when I realized I was unconsciously struggling with the very same thing as the characters were; suicide ideation.

What I mean by that is I was so convinced that my life had no purpose or meaning--that I was never going to amount to anything, so why bother? Why bother living if it involved this level of mental torment that I was going through? And of course, the small detached unemotional part of me knew this was wrong. I always had a fear of dying--so all I could think of was how living was going to be a prison sentence because I was too chicken to actually do the thing.

Not to mention, my one remaining brain cell knew my family and friends would be devastated by my death, never mind I didn’t know even know how to go about the whole dying thing. Just realizing I was even contemplating such a thing terrified me.

I knew this was the sort of thing you should tell people about but the idea of admitting it to someone was even more terrifying than the thought of it because oh god, what will they think? If there is one thing you must know about me, is that I fear disappointing people and I felt like I would be disappointing a good number of people by admitting that not-living sounded like a good option at the time.

Heck, I could barely admit to myself that was happening in this journal entry in January, before it went even further downhill:

“Rest assured I have not the stomach to actually do anything. I’m too afraid of what lies in the Undiscovered Country to travel to it. That’s why the answer to that daunting question is: “No, of course not.”

Still, who hasn’t thought of traveling to the land where no traveler has whence returned? Even if it wasn’t a serious consideration, I think all humans have the thought at some point in their lives. Maybe not—after all I am just but a human who has no idea what goes in the minds of her fellow humans. But I think it’s a good possibility.

Humans are inherently curious creatures; really it should be “Curiosity killed the human” rather the cat. I think we’re curious enough to wonder what would happen if we did travel to that country earlier than “planned.”

But aside from the stray intrusive thought, I have not dared to go further down that dark path. This is for several reasons. One because of that fear. But another because I have seen the aftermath of when someone takes a trip to the Undiscovered Country. It has not yet been anyone super close to me and yet the devastation hits me at full force despite it. But I also had interaction with a few people in the last couple years, of how I impacted their life without even knowing it.

You never know how small of an interaction can change another person’s life forever. You never know and I think it’s a shame a lot of times those stories don’t get shared until after someone has already left. I think it can be important those stories are shared with the person—it can help them recognize that they are more important than they possibly realize.”

A small part of me thought that my life would be over at the end of May. Not that I planned on causing that to happen by my own hands. Just that some comic force might decide to put me out of my misery by then. You could say I’m a bit elated to be alive right now, because I didn’t expect to get this far.

What this have to do with music again? I’m glad you asked. Remember that band that spiked in popularity in 2015 that I ignored for three years and then reluctantly started listening and enjoying their music? Yes, well if I resonated with the lyrics in 2015, then those lyrics could’ve been lifted verbatim from my pages out of my journal in 2019.

This music was like a light in the darkness. It unashamedly discussed heavy topics like depression and suicide and I needed that. In our society, those topics are seldom openly discussed to the point it feels almost shameful to admit to such a struggle. But these songs openly screamed about them, they were brutally honest about the struggle. What’s more, they advocated to keep on living and I needed that. I needed that so much.

I knew the band was visiting my area sometime this summer and I thought, I can live until then. I can make it until then.

Sometime mid-May, the storm broke. The sun came out and Mr. Blue Sky started blaring from the heavens. I think it was because several outside factors that were putting a strain on my mental health had gone away around then along with events I feared would go horribly wrong...did not go horribly wrong. In fact, they went well all things considered. I’ve still gone through days riddled with anxiety and depression since then, but nothing as dark and grim as those days had been.

I don’t want to want to die anymore. It’s weird to think only two months ago, I craved such a thing. I want to live so much, you guys have no idea. Of course the future still terrifies me. But that’s a reassuring fear, one I hold like a security blanket because it’s been a part of me for so long I know how to deal with it.

I started a handwritten journal where I record the day’s events and end each entry with the positive highlights of the day. Of course I haven’t done it in a solid week, but it’s done wonders for my mental health. I’ve been seeing a therapist and that has helped a little. I’ve started reaching out and trying to maintain friendships in real life. To those online friends that have stayed with me and even reached out in concern about my vague distressing tumblr posts, you helped me so much and I am grateful for our correspondences.

I made a post about debating whether or not I should see a favorite band and in the end, well...it feels like the right decision. I’m fulfilling a promise to myself back then. It feels like the act of seeing this band is like the closing chapter of the book. Not the final book, mind you, but a book in like a seventy-something series, if everything pans out of course.

As to those who might be still struggling, deep in the throes of such darkness and torment: It’ll get better.

I know that’s like the most cliche thing to say and I sure didn’t believe it back then. But it’s true. It was true for me and it’s true for many others.

Also don’t be like me, be brave enough to speak to someone about what you’re dealing with. You aren’t alone as you think are. Yes, no one will ever know what’s it like to struggle with your demons, nobody will think what you think, but they might’ve fought battles similar to the one that’s currently raging inside your brain. They might know what it’s like to wander through such darkness. Even if they haven’t, they can still support and love you through it regardless.

Lastly, you have worth, you have importance, you have meaning and if everyone tells you otherwise (including your own thoughts) don’t you dare listen to them for a second. Remember, you are loved beyond belief, don’t ever doubt that <3

#kat talks #suicide tw #depression tw #anxiety tw

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