#I previously just tried to sell it through the app but it seemed to change the price I set for it and made it higher ? | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

anonquack · 3 years

Text

| His Merch |

Alex Quackity x Reader, Oneshot!

Word Count: 4256

Warnings: None, just some curse words. Fluff :]

Summary: Being such good friends with Quackity leads to the inevitable; catching feelings. In fear of ruining your friendship with him, you kept quiet about your feelings. Although usually good at that, after a merch drop and a slip-up on stream, you prepare yourself for the worst. Queue the incoming call from Quackity himself.

Today had been a productive day, in your opinion. You'd woken up earlier than usual, ate breakfast, cleaned around your apartment, and managed to get started on editing a video you'd recently filmed.

That's why you considered yourself very deserving of sitting down and enjoying your friend's stream as you ate some snacks.

Quackity had a fun stream planned, and had hyped up a 'big announcement' on Twitter, and the whole timeline was already speculating what it could be as they awaited for Quackity to start stream.

Being his friend had some perks though, contrary to popular belief. He'd discussed with you what the big announcement was as you sat on call with him a few nights prior to the big day. It was merch, and according to your past experience with Planet Duck products, it was sure to be soft and super comfy. You were very much looking forward to getting your hands on some of his new merch.

He'd brought up sending some to you, one of the previously mentioned perks of being his friend, but you politely declined. Much to his surprise. He'd asked why and you'd simply stated that "It was fine," and perhaps it came off as a bit rude. A 'no thanks' to his merch that you hadn't even seen.

But you had plans of your own, you wanted to acquire said merch on your own, and support him financially in the process. He didn't have to know that though, so with a small 'Oh' from him as his response, you swiftly changed topic of conversation.

Now here you sat, watching the stream as Quackity explained what he'd be doing with his friend John Smith. Riding go-karts around what looked like a storage unit. You couldn't help but worry as you watched them zoom around, occasionally getting close to crashing, and eventually doing just that.

The stream itself was rather fun to watch, but you kept your debit card beside you. This was in case he decided to drop the merch announcement out of nowhere. And that was exactly what he did. Another perk of being his friend was you grew a 6th sense for these type of things. Always had a feeling for what was about to happen when it came to Quackity.

You watched as the chat freaked out, watched as the notification from Planet Duck went out, notifying everybody that the merch had been released. You quickly typed into your computer, and the internet seemed to be taking its time to redirect you to Quackity's merch site.

After some time, it finally loaded and you began to look at all the options. The merch was wonderful, Quackity had been hyping it up to you (you'd asked for no reveals, wanting to wait like everyone else) and he had been absolutely right.

Most of the designs were new, except for the iconic Planet Duck logo, and were all very cute. You had Quackity's stream playing in the background as you maneuvered your way around the site, finally deciding on which merch you'd be buying.

As you went to purchase, a red sign alerted you that there was no shipping to your location. To which you quickly raised an eyebrow, panic starting to rush through you. Maybe you should've accepted his offer.

After refreshing multiple times and watching the Twitter timeline freak out as well over the inability to ship to several locations, it finally seemed to work, and the payment finally went through. A big "Thank you for your purchase" appearing onto the screen.

You let out a sigh of relief, clicking back onto the tab where the stream was, a small smile on your face. You'd actually managed to get it on your own. It was nerve-racking, when it seemed like you wouldn't be able to get the shipping to work, when it seemed like it'd sell out before you had the chance to buy some.

Now you finally understood what it felt like, the stress of getting your hands on merch before it sold out. It'd been an exhilerating experience.

You relaxed into your seat as Quackity's laugh filled the room. He was recreating bits from Fast and Furious, and zooming all over the place. You watched with a fond smile as he drove around, throwing random Spanish profanities at John Smith here and there.

The funky heart glasses he had on did nothing to ease the warmth that was spreading through your chest at the sight of him. You were suffering due to your confusing feelings towards your close friend, but nobody knew, or at least that is what you told yourself.

You tried to focus on something else, something that wasn't solely him. The go-karts were going pretty fast, and you remembered the scene they were recreating from the movie. Whichever random thought came to mind, you'd focus on it instead, too scared to let your thoughts wander elsewhere.

When it came to and end, you were conflicted. You were glad your heart would be able to catch a break, but you also missed him almost immediately. Sickening, really.

You took some time to reflect on what you'd done so far. Cleaned, ate your meals, worked on some editing, got some Quackity merch, and enjoyed a fun stream. It was rather productive, to say the least.

But there was still some time left in the day, and you figured you'd put the energy coursing through your body to use.

Taking a seat at your desk, you turned your monitor on before opening the twitch app. An alt stream would be perfect right now. After going live and sending out a tweet letting your followers know you were live, you patiently waited for the viewers to start coming in.

Considering this was an alt stream, you figured you'd play some random game and just chat for a bit before heading to bed. As the viewers came in, you gave your greetings before opening a tab for roblox, getting on a random server to play an obby game as you talked to chat.

There was a content smile on your face as you asked chat how their day had been, how they were feeling, your little character jumping around and passing through the beginner levels on the obby game.

"I'm actually in a really good mood, chat. My day has been going so well." You began, glancing at chat here and there, smile growing at the memory of the adventures acquiring Quackity merch.

After the chat was flooded with questions asking about what had happened, you indulged. "I was watching Quackity's stream earlier today, and it was so much fun!" The smile grew before softening as you focused on the obby. "I was also able to get some of his new merch."

The chat erupted into bits of 'friends supporting friends' to 'y/n in quackity merch???' and people yelling that they had been or weren't able to get merch.

Seeing the chat made you laugh, nodding your head a bit. "No because I was so nervous I wouldn't be able to get some-" you admitted, attention now focused solely on telling the viewers about your own experience.

"I was trying to purchase, and there was a line, and then it said it wouldn't ship to my location?? I was so worried I wouldn't be able to get some. But it finally worked. I'm excited for it to get here." You finished your small rant, a content smile on your lips.

Chat consisted of people agreeing with the technical difficulties occurring at the time of the merch drop, others saying they were too broke to buy anything. It felt nice, to see something from their perspective and also have shared an experience like this.

"Big Q actually offered to send me some, but I told him no because I wanted to get it myself.. Wanted to get it fair and square." You said as you refocused on the obby in front of you, fond smile on your face as you thought about how nice he was. He was willing to send all of his friends some of his merch, free of cost.

"Also wanted to give him my support by actually purchasing it, you know?" You added, resting your chin on the palm of your hand as it leaned against your desk. You took this time to read chat, which was exploding with what you thought was a combination of Quackity's username with yours, and 'bffs ur honor!!'.

You smiled at that, hands finally moving your character around. "Really, he has been such an amazing friend, extremely welcoming, always fun to be around. And just.. life is never dull when he's around. He's always been there for me when I needed it and well‐" A pause. "I'm glad I was able to support him in some way." You hummed softly as you finished up yet another small rant about Quackity.

At the realization that you'd been talking about him for far too long, and that he was not meant to be the focus of your alt stream, you cleared your throat and began focusing on the obby game once again.

You shifted the topic of conversation to the video you'd also been editing today, and that quickly took everyone's attention away from how affectionately and fondly you'd been speaking of your dear friend. Everyone was now excited about the new video.

Seeing how easily the chat's focus changed made you ease up a bit, and you were able to enjoy the rest of your stream playing random roblox games and discussing some stuff with chat. It lasted for a bit longer before you finally decided to end stream.

Some goodbyes and after stream officially ended, you found yourself on Twitter. Everything seemed pretty peaceful on the timeline, up until the trending page came up.

Your name was trending, along with 'QUACKITY IN CHAT' and the infamous combination of usernames. A monstrosity, really.

You heard yourself audibly gulp as you clicked on the trending topic 'quackity in chat'. Much to your dismay it was true. There was screenshots that showed Quackity was watching your stream. That meant that he'd heard you talking about him in that sickening tone. That tone that was unnecessarily sweet and fond.

You didn't know who was freaking out more, the so-called shippers, the timeline, or yourself. You gently bit at the inside of your cheek, scrolling and reading all the tweets of people trying to guess how Quackity must've felt while hearing all that. Others raising an eyebrow at how long you'd gone on about Quackity and how 'perfect' he was.

You'd fucked up, that was for sure, and it wasn't even intentional or fan service of any kind. It was an alt stream, it wasn't planned in any way, shape, or form. He'd been brought up, and you'd accidentally spilled all fond thoughts you held of him.

Your cursor hovered over a specific tweet that read, 'want someone to talk about me the way y/n talks about big q'. It was sweet, and perhaps made you smile just a little bit.

As you read it over in your head, a notification popped up on your screen, the discord notification ringing in your ears as you read who the message was from. Quackity.

You messed around with your mouse for a bit before finally closing the Twitter tab, and instead opting to open the unread message.

Quackity

hey (:

You stared at it for a bit, blinking in disbelief at how normal the message came across. Perhaps he'd tuned in during the last half of the stream. Perhaps he hadn't been able to watch while you rambled about him, and perhaps he hadn't been on Twitter either. One could hope.

y/n hi (:

It showed that he was typing almost immediately after, and you tried your best to calm your nerves.

Quackity call?

You felt yourself tense at the message. Maybe he wanted to let you down kindly. 'Hey! Saw your stream, and I just wanted to ask if you could chill the fuck out. That was kind of creepy. Maybe never speak of me ever again. Do not perceive me any longer, thanks!'

Something along those lines for sure. That's what probably awaited you if you said yes to this. But what exactly were you supposed to do instead?

y/n ofc

It only took a few seconds for the call to come through. Stalling wouldn't help, so you answered by the third ring.

He greeted you, and everything seemed normal. The calls were normal between you two, but you were just on edge due to twitter trending and the stream that took place less than an hour ago.

"How are you feeling, Quackity?" You asked with a small smile, today was a big day for him, and you were sure he'd enjoy talking about how fast the merch sold.

"I'm doing great. Really happy that the fans liked the designs and just.. we sold a lot. I'm happy." He restated the last bit, the smile was obvious in his voice. You didn't have to be seeing it to know. Another perk of being so close to him. You had a clear visual image of what he probably looked like right now. Cute smile plastered onto his equally cute face.

"I'm really happy for you, Big Q. You deserve all the success that is coming your way and more." You hummed softly. Everything you were saying, you meant wholeheartedly. There was silence for a bit before he finally spoke again.

"I watched your stream."

Fuck. There it was. You should've expected it but it still hit like a ton of bricks. You felt your mouth turn dry, could barely manage to get out the word, "Yeah?"

"Mhm." Straight to the point. There was a bit of silence, you were unsure of what to say. Why had he brought it up? It was bound to happen, but what was the reason behind bringing it up? To tease you, let you know he wasn't interested, or because roblox obbies are just so much fun?

"You didn't have to buy it, you know?" He finally said, breaking the silence.

"I wanted to." You reassured, "the merch is really pretty. Worth every penny."

"I could've sent you whichever you wanted." He stated bluntly. As if it was weird of you to have gone and bought it on your own.

"Thank you, but I wanted to buy it myself. Let me? Please?" Let me show my support this way, is what you meant to say. It came out softer than intended, and you could feel your heart beating against your ribs. You really needed to watch your tone around him.

"Of course." He responded, just as softly. He'd drive you crazy one of these days. They'd have to lock you up, and you'd never see the light of day again.

"Did you have fun riding the go-karts?" You asked, a small smile on your lips as you wandered back onto the Twitter tab, a clip of his stream now on display on the timeline.

He let out a small laugh, "I did. Did you enjoy watching it?" You nodded before responding, "Of course. Was concerning watching you crash into walls though."

He hummed softly in response, possibly contemplating what to say with how long he took before he spoke again.

"Did you really mean all the things you said on stream?"

Somehow, even with your own attempts to change topic, the focus was back on your stream and the things that had been said. You wouldn't be able to dig yourself out of the hole you'd dug.

It was entirely your fault, for even allowing yourself to consider him as anything but a great friend. It was your fault for taking the late night calls, the sweet tones, and messages the wrong way. Your interpretations were all wrong and now you'd have to sit here and apologize for practically outing yourself on stream. For letting the whole world know that you had romantic feelings for a good friend of yours. You'd probably made him so uncomfortable.

You felt yourself cringe slightly at his words, already gone quiet for far too long. You had to speak up, even if it lead to a good friendship ending a few minutes from now.

"Of course I did. You're great, Alex." The use of his name was meant to assure him you meant it wholeheartedly. It made the moment feel more intimate, too. Much to your own dismay, yet again. You couldn't help it.

The possibility that your friendship with him could come to an end real soon made you act on your feelings. It left you unhinged. If it was all going to end here, maybe you'd allow yourself to act on impulse. End it with a bang.

"Thank you, really. I know I probably wasn't meant to hear all that, but it was really nice. Made me feel nice as well. And just, seeing that you didn't accept the merch from me because you wanted to support me directly.. thank you."

His voice was soft, felt like warm honey to your taste buds. You could almost hear your heart melting inside your chest, could feel it dripping down and touching your diaphragm, oozing into every single crevice in your body. You'd never understand how he had such effects on you. How he was able to make you so fond of him.

"I meant every single word. You deserve that and so much more." You reassured yet again, a small smile on your lips. You heard him let out a small chuckle, which made you laugh as well.

Moments later, he had turned his camera on, wanting to show you all the merch. You'd asked for him to put it on, since you were a 'visual learner' and had to see it on him in order to fully understand what it looked like. He had playfully rolled his eyes, but hadn't really argued against it.

So there you were, watching as he changed from hoodie to hoodie, moving out of frame to change into the shirts. You could feel your heart thumping harshly against your rib cage at the sight of him. Some looked bigger on him, some looked just right. They all looked wonderful, and super comfy. Perhaps that was simply because they were on him, and he looked so comfy.

He looked like he could give the best hugs.

"You really think so?" His voice came out a bit sheepish, and the light pink that dusted his cheeks was becoming more and more evident. Huh?

"What?" You said, a dumb look on your face as you tried connecting the dots.

"That I could give the best hugs." He stated slowly, as if he was testing how it sounded before adding, "Do you really think that?"

Had you really said that out loud? Fuck. It took acting on impulse to a whole other level. This wasn't something you two usually did, but I guess it was okay since everything might be ending soon. Ballsy moves.

"Yeah. You make the merch look so cozy." Your throat felt dry, eyes glued to his face, wanting to catch every single second of his reaction. Wanting to see each movement of his facial muscles, to find out what it could possibly entail. "Makes me wonder what your hugs feel like." You admitted.

Your eyes scanned the entirety of his face, perking up slightly at the sight of his face flushing, leaving him with the softest tint of pink to spread across his cheeks, almost matching his pretty lips. What the hell did that even mean?

"Maybe you won't have to wonder for too long. With guidelines being lifted and all." The line. Blurred at that very moment, for sure. His eyes were glued to you as well, which only made you hesitate every single movement you could think of doing at that moment.

"And in the meantime? What am I supposed to do?" Risky. Crossing lines, jumping over hurdles. This all had to be against friend rules or something. You could feel your sanity decreasing each second this call went on. But he wasn't stopping any of this either.

"I could send you a hoodie." The sentence brought you out of your Quackity-induced haze, making you quickly shake your head. What? Before you could protest or ask what the hell that was supposed to mean, he explained.

"My hoodie. Y'know. Mine. One I wear. You can give it back when we meet up, perhaps."

Your mouth went dry again, shocked at the domestic feeling it gave. He was suggesting he send one of his hoodies. It would smell like him. It was the closest thing to giving him an actual hug. It would be paradise.

"You'd really do that?" You asked, still in disbelief, but he quickly nodded his head. "Oh." You said softly, before a smile appeared on your face. "I would like that, then."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah."

"I'll send it then." He hummed, smile spreading on his lips as well. Everything going on was making you feel dizzy. It felt so surreal.

You'd mentally prepared yourself for the worst, but instead were met with a flirtatious Quackity. He'd said sweet things to you before, but you never allowed yourself to take it seriously, not wanting to get your hopes up. And it never went to this extent.

It seemed he realized what just went down, a loud laugh escaping his lips. "Holy shit. You're gonna have one of my hoodies soon."

"I am." You chimed in, smile on your lips as well.

"And you'll wear it around." He added.

"I will."

"You'll look good, as always."

You could feel the heat rush to your face. What was going on? Was this real, or just a very cruel dream? Alex Quackity was fucking flirting with you.

"Are you flirting with me?" Bewildered tone, raised eyebrows. Your brain couldn't even begin to progress what was being said.

"What the fuck does it look like I've been doing?"

"Have you really?" Warmth spread across your chest at how blunt he was being. The line was gone. It'd been erased, never to be seen again. There was no shame in him. Admitting he was flirting with his whole chest.

"I have. Why are you so surprised though? I've subtly flirted with you before.. and I mean, were you not confessing your undying love to me on stream?" He raised a brow, feigned confusion on his face. He was teasing. You let out a groan, covering your face with your hands as he let out a laugh.

Surreal. He confessed to having flirted with you in the past. So you weren't delusional, nice to know. "Are you done?" You asked, face still covered by your hand in shame.

"I saw a tweet that was saying they felt like third wheels since I was in chat, and you were just going on about everything you liked about me." You kept your face covered. He was not stopping. Now he was the unhinged one.

He was visibly scrolling through the timeline at this point. "Oh, and one saying they want what we have. What do we have?"

You finally uncovered your face. "I don't know. Whatever the fuck this is, I guess?"

"Well, what is this?"

"Mm... whatever you want it to be." You finally answered, and there was a surprised look plastered on his face at that.

"Whatever I want?"

"Yeah." You paused. Would he regret this after he got out of this haze? What if it had just been flirting for fun? But he wouldn't play with your feelings like this, would he?

Alex Quackity was perfect though, and perhaps he had a sixth sense about when stuff was wrong with you, because he caught on to your hesitation.

"Hey." He called out softly. The teasing, flirtatious tone was gone, now replaced by the softer tone reserved for late night calls, or when everybody else in the vc had left and it was just you two.

You look at where his face was on your monitor, relaxing a bit simply by his tone and the soft gaze he held on you.

"I know everything sort of progressed pretty fast tonight.. but your stream really helped me realize a few things. I do like you, y/n. Not fucking around or anything." He said it in a firm tone, one that told you he wasn't messing around, but still felt oh so intimate.

Everything he was saying was exactly what you wanted and needed to hear. Reassurance that your feelings weren't unrequited. You couldn't believe your rambling on stream had lead you guys here.

"I like you, too. If that wasn't obvious already." You mumbled out, eyes averting before glancing to see his reaction. He had the biggest, cutest, grin on his face. Charming, and extremely contagious. You couldn't help but smile back.

Holy shit.

"Is this real?" You asked out loud, smile never leaving your face.

"It is. All thanks to your ranting on stream. How cool is that?"

You couldn't help but still feel rather embarrassed that he'd heard all of it, but it had brought you two here. All embarrassment was worth it. Especially if it meant it opened up a whole new world of possibilities for you two.

"Very cool." You mumbled, before a smile appeared on your lips. Today really couldn't have gone any better.

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therainroguefanfiction · 4 years

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📱 Find Me (Tooru Oikawa) #1; Friendfinder

📑 Table of Contents

Author’s Note: Okay, so people have shown interested in this and I’m quite excited to share it with everyone, but also quite nervous because it’s not a straight SMAU and has some story aspects to it, as well. I’ll try not to write too much text oppossed to the message images, but I do hope you’ll share your opinion on what you think! ^~^)/ Also, the school is listed on the wiki as “Aobajohsai” rather than “Aoba Johsai” so that’s just what I’m going to go with because I already made the screenshots *thumbs up* Special thanks to @janellion for acting as a sort of beta reader to make sure it’s presentable! <3

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You sat at your desk, leafing through the fourth volume of the current manga series you were reading. There was still about ten minutes or so before class began and you had to pass the time somehow, even though you had already read that volume several times previously – you haven’t gotten paid for your part-time time job yet, so you couldn’t afford volume five until the weekend.

You were a second-year student at Aobajohsai, a private high school in the Miyagi prefecture. You weren’t very social, though, and didn’t have any friends, but you weren’t completely unhappy about this. People tended to bring a lot of trouble and drama, so you liked to avoid that, but… you did tend to feel lonely sometimes.

“Ne, ne, did you actually download it?”

“I did! I got paired up almost instantly and we have so much in common!”

You glanced to the side where two of your female classmates were sitting, huddled over their phones as they chatted excitedly between themselves. Were you wrong for eavesdropping? You didn’t know, but you were bored and they weren’t exactly being quiet with their words.

“So it really works? You can find a friend that quickly?”

“Yes!”

Now that had your attention. An app that helps you make friends? It sounded too good to be true, in your opinion, but… there was no harm in checking it out. If only they would say the name. You were too far away to be able to see what was on their screen, and if they caught you, that would be a very awkward situation indeed.

A third girl entered the room, stifling a yawn as she approached her two friends. “What are you guys looking at?”

“Friendfinder! It’s that new app that’s sweeping across Japan. All you have to do is sign up with an email and then you get paired with a random person on the app.”

“Sounds suspicious.”

“I thought so, too, but I’ve already found someone that shares all of my interests. They’re like my twin!”

‘Friendfinder? I think I saw an ad for that on the way home,’ you closed the manga and pulled out your phone from your bag. The only notification was a spam e-mail trying to sell real estate. You brought up the app store and searched the name, finding it at the top of the list with a five-star rating and millions of downloads. You hesitated for a moment, thumb hovering over the download button before finally pressing it. A minute later, it was added to your home screen.

You pressed the button, watching as the app started up.

‘Well, it seems pretty cool. And it’s anonymous, too, but I wonder if there will be secret payments or something.’ You tapped the screen and the introduction message disappeared, showing off the login/register screen.

After entering your e-mail and choosing a ridiculous sequence of numbers, letters, and symbols to use as an acceptable password, you waited for the confirmation e-mail to come through. A minute later, you clicked on the link within the e-mail, which redirected to the app.

As you usually did, the first thing you clicked on was the settings to see what you could fiddle with and change, but there were only two options available. The first was to add a picture. You wanted to use this dope picture of an octopus that you had found just the other day, but the app only allowed you to choose from a pool of icons. The closest one to your personality was the IT clown chihuahua, though you almost chose the rain icon because it was gorgeous.

The other option was to turn the app into dark mode, which you tried, but it made your eyes burn so you returned it to its original state.

‘I’ve created an account and fiddled with the settings. Now what?’ You clicked around the few icons the app had, but only found information about the app, so you clicked back to the home screen.

‘Searching for a friend, please check back later! (ﾉ◕ヮ◕)ﾉ*:･ﾟ✧‘

‘How long does it take, I wonder?’ You set the phone down, propping up your chin in your palm as you turned to look out the window. The sky was a clear blue, not a cloud in sight to help block out the cruel rays of the sun as they beamed down on the students.

The first bell chimed throughout the school and the students scattered to take their seats as the teacher, Sasaki Ryuko, stepped into the room, tapping her shoulder with the black book she always carried around with her.

As the day wore on, you tried to forget about the app, but you caught yourself checking the app on more than just a couple of occasions, but the same message still remained on the home screen. Why was this bugging you so much?

The final bell rang and, thankfully, you weren’t on cleaning duty today. You gathered your books, shoving them into your back without much concern before picking up your phone. ‘Don’t look, don’t look, don’t – crap, my phone is dead.’

Why had you forgotten to charge it last night? Oh right, you hadn’t, but your cat decided it would be funny to unplug it halfway through the night while YouTube played in the background, leaving you with very little battery by the time you reached school.

You stepped out of the school building, nearly running right into one of the volleyball club members, but he didn’t even notice you as he rushed past into the building. This was typical, though. You were the invisible character with very little presence, but you liked to think that made you special, like Kuroko from Kuroko no Basket.

You started on your way home, admiring the way the sky turned to shades of orange and red, like a fruity sorbet. Too bad the temperature couldn’t match that sentiment.

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▸n e x t

📜 Read more by checking out my masterlist 📜

If you enjoy my writing, please considering tipping me on Kofi or Cashapp. Every little bit helps and means a lot, thank you so much ^~^)/ If you can’t afford to do so, that’s okay, too, thanks for reading!

Tag List: @the-broken-halo-writer @nekoma-hoe

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spnfanficpond · 4 years

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May 2020 Pond LiveChat Recap - User Friendly Tumblr Pt 2

@fictionalabyss (Mel) and @girl-with-a-fandom-fettish (Kay) yet again did a great job teaching us the magical ways of Tumblr! Thank you, girls, for helping out and sharing your wisdom!!

This was a continuation of last month’s chat, which you can read all about HERE. We also talked a little bit about this back in July 2019, and you can read all about that chat HERE. A rundown of this month’s chat is below the cut!

Keep Reading function via the app

We started off talking about the Keep Reading function, and how it works, and doesn’t work on the app. Back in July 2019, if you were using the app, you could add the text [ [ MORE ] ] (without the spaces) to a line, and it would create a Keep Reading cut in your post for you. We’ve heard recently that it wasn’t working, so we did some testing. This is what happened:

As viewed via the app on the blog:

As viewed via the app when looking at the desktop:

As viewed via desktop on the blog:

Long story short, It only works if you view the post on desktop. Mel noted that if she went onto desktop and edited the post from there, then the cut would work everywhere, but that defeats the purpose of posting using the app.

TD;DR - [ [ MORE ] ] no longer works effectively.

Keeping your formatting when copying from Google Docs into Tumblr

@flamencodiva (Vanessa) told us all about a workaround that she learned from @winchest09. Anyone who was tried to copy and paste from Google Docs to Tumblr knows that you lose all of your formatting, including any italics. @mrswhozeewhatsis has not had a problem copying and pasting from Microsoft Word (as part of the Office 365 Suite) into Tumblr, but Kay has, so she needs to use this workaround. Basically, the trick is to post to AO3, first, and the copy and paste from there. Here’s the step-by-step per Vanessa:

1) make a new chapter on AO3, 2) set it to rich text, 3) paste your fick, 4) got to tumblr and click on pencil to add text, 5) change setting to html, 6) go back to ao3 click on html, 7) copy and paste the html format of your fic and paste it to tumblr, 8) change the setting back to rich text and your format is the way you want it from google docs.

Submitting your fics to the Pond to be posted on the blog

Via the app:

Submitting via the app is a pain, but it is possible.

[Side note: Posts submitted to the Pond via the app can not be edited by the admin. We don’t edit your posts often, but occasionally we will add or change tags, or try to make your post look more appealing. If you submit via the app, we can’t do that.]

Kay was gracious enough to go through thr process and make screenshots for us, explaining what was happening along the way.

First, click on the envelope at the top of the screen:

Nect, click “Submit Your Fics”:

Then you’ll see this screen:

The various options for the type of submission show up at the bottom just like when you compose a post in the app for your own blog. I would add that my “asks” seem to get eaten more often when my phone auto-corrects something. So, one post I did not use auto-correct (and that took way too many tries, honestly) and one post did use auto-correct (and I surprisingly had success).

All the tags available are already applied when submitting through the app (at least on my phone) so you would have to delete those that don’t apply, which is opposite of how you do it when submitting on desktop.

To do this, tap on the #tags (you can see them starting to list in the middle of all the white or you can tap the # in the bottom right corner) and you will get this big list of all the tags available when submitting.

Tap on the one that does NOT apply, and you will get this tiny little x.

Tap the x to remove that tag. Repeat for all the tags that do not apply. If you do not tap the x, it will go back to the darker blue color of a tag that will be applied to your submission.

Caution: if you remove a tag you wanted by accident, you will have to type it back in. My experience with this was my app generating popular tags related to what I was typing first, not tags that were previously there, so please read carefully to get the correct tags.

To change the type of post to link instead of text: click on the link icon along the bottom (there's the Aa for a text post, links, GIF, a camera, etc). However, I copy/pasted a link into the body on a Aa post and it still seemed to work.

A long time ago, THIS ANSWER was posted on the Pond blog about making your submitted post “prettier” and more attractive to readers. This was made based on using desktop (not the app), and just copying and pasting from one tab to another, like this:

On desktop, in Chrome, this works very well, for most people, most of the time. (Mel had some issues doing it for a couple of days, and then it magically started working for no apparent reason.) The gif will transfer over, along with the gif credit, too. This way, the submission to the Pond looks exactly like your original post, and will thus attract more readers.

In the app, though, the copy function doesn’t like to go through an image, and it seemed to be hit-or-miss if a gif copied and pasted would load properly. Basically, it’s a LOT of work to submit via the app, and it is not recommended. You can, but it’s a lot of work.

Why should I make my submissions “pretty” when just posting a link works just fine?

When you are submitting your story to the Pond to be posted on the blog, you’re doing it to attract readers who might otherwise not see your story. You want to sell your story on our blog the same way you sell it on your own blog. That means including all of the elements of a header that are suggested IN THIS POST (Suggested Format for Fics). If you don’t add this information, you could end up with a post that looks like this on the blog:

Readers might not even clock that as a story to be read! Some readers won’t even look at a story that doesn’t list a word count, warnings, or if there’s a pairing. Simply copying and pasting your header into the submission box gives potential readers everything they need to know. Also, here is a good list we came up with a while back of Warning Tags for Fics.

I worked really hard to craft this “secret” (but possibly triggering) ending so I don’t want to spoil it in the warnings; any suggestions?

In your header, let your readers know that there is possibly triggering material in the story, direct them to your tags at the bottom of the post, and then use the “#tw:” format to list the spoilery triggers in your story. This way, people who have few or no triggers can read without being spoiled, and those with triggers they need to avoid can make sure they’re reading safely.

I’m bad at writing summaries. Do I really need one?

Yes. And don’t wimp out and say, “I’m bad at summaries.” That will turn readers off. Think of a summary like a movie trailer. Would you go see a movie is the trailer was just a guy saying, “It’s a good movie, I swear, but I suck at making trailers, so just go see it, yeah?” If a reader is at all unsure about reading your story, your summary can make their decision. Your summary doesn’t need to spoil the story, but just give the reader some idea of what they’re getting into. Set the table, as it were, before the meal. Is it canon-compliant, or an AU? When is it set? Who’s involved in the story? Bring your readers to the ball park before you start the game.

Should I use a specific tag for my writing? Why or why not?

After some discussion, we determined that you should if you don’t have a masterlist set up, yet, or if you don’t keep your masterlist updated. As long as you have a masterlist and keep it up-to-date, then the extra tag isn’t necessary.

That’s it for this month! Don’t forget to submit your stories and your Angel Fish nominations! Want to know what’s happening in the Pond? Check the Pond Calendar to see what’s coming up! And, as always, if you have questions or suggestions, let us know! You can send us an ask, or send a private message to @manawhaat (Mana) or @mrswhozeewhatsis (Michelle) anytime!

#chat recap #spnfanficpond #spnfanficpond livechat #michelle answers #chat room #let's chat #THE CHAT ROOM #pond chat

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christinaengela · 4 years

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Hello friends and fans!

Welcome to my 44th newsletter – August 2020!

On A Personal Note

The 17th of July was a terribly sad day for our family because of the death of one of our fur-children, Ming. She was my little writing companion who used to sit across my shoulders sometimes, or on my knee while I typed away on my laptop.

I love all three our kitties, but Mingy-moo as I used to call her, held a special place in my heart… and to be frank, I miss her presence in my life terribly, as does Wendy.

Lily – our giant white mommy-cat, and Nyx – our little black one, were clearly in mourning as well. Their behavior has changed since she disappeared so suddenly from our lives, and even after a week, Nyx still hovers around the spot where Ming sat the last day she was with us, and Lily still searches the house for the missing kitty.

Ming used to do little things the other two kitties don’t do – some endearing, and some outright naughty – whose absence only makes her loss that much more tangible. Somehow the house seems so much more quiet and empty. Something is missing, and for weeks the empty-nest feeling has hung over it like a pall. It will be a while yet before we lift ourselves up again, and move on.

Then, in the early hours of Friday 24 July, more bad news! Someone asshat with sticky fingers burgled our Golf! Fortunately they were unprepared and set off the alarm and fled, leaving the driver side door open. There was some good news with the bad – there was no damage at all. The enterprising individual must’ve used a ‘slim-jim’ or similar tool to lever the lock open via the window channel, so no windows or locks etc. were damaged. I figure they also probably tried to steal the wheels – and then discovered I had a lock-nut on each wheel, because the only thing the bastards seem to have got away with is one single, solitary wheel-nut!

That aside, on other, much happier fronts, I completed another two paintings since last time we spoke – bringing my total number of paintings to five – and then I returned to writing again! On that front, among the BIGGEST news items I have to share with you this time, is the release of the audiobook version of “Blachart” – it’s finally here – and after three weeks of availability, I’m happy to report that it’s doing very well! More about that below!

Art

I also indulge in painting from time to time – and no, I don’t mean walls! The following paintings are in my portfolio:

“Human Nature” 2017 A4 acrylic canvas

“Balancier” 2020 A2 acrylic canvas

“Rescuer” 2020 A2 acrylic canvas

“The Awakening” 2020 A2 acrylic canvas

“The Earth Wept” 2020 40x40cm acrylic on canvas

I completed “The Awakening” on June 5, and started “The Earth Wept” just a few days later. “The Earth Wept” is on 40x40cm canvas and I finished that on July 12. I’ve also since renamed “Untitled” to “Human Nature”.

You can read more about my art projects on the Art page.

What do you think of them? Feel free to let me know!

Music

Yes – I also make music from time to time!

A selection of music tracks I made using eJay and other similar apps between 1999 – 2008 are available on my YouTube channel.

You can read more on the Music page on my website!

Activism

For those of you interested in my activism-related posts and activities, you can follow them at “Sour Grapes: The Fruit Of Ignorance“.

Current Writing Projects

In the past few weeks I deviated from writing and went into art for a while, delivering four new completed paintings in a little over a month! In the meantime however, I made a return to writing by starting the long awaited next title in the Galaxii series!

Book 4 – still under a working title – is currently at a little over 18,000 words and growing by the day!

Editing

On the editing side of things, my friend Brandon Mullins has been getting me into a proofreading and editing sideline over at Moon Books Publishing, and I’ll let you have any news on that as it happens!

I’ve just received the first submission for a new project entitled “Captain Jockstrap and the League of Do-gooders”! Yes, it probably is as silly as it sounds – but that’s the idea!

In the meantime, I still have a horror anthology on my desktop, which still needs a couple more submissions to reach publishing length – and more than that wouldn’t hurt! There will be no payment to writers, but participation will help get your name out there. If interested, please send them along to [email protected].

Marketing – The Dreaded “M” Word!

Portfolio 2020!

I thought it would be nice if I could produce a neat, organized catalog of all my books that interested parties could download and browse – a free, distributable and shareable catalog, and so I created “Portfolio 2020!” – a listing of all my currently available titles!

Portfolio is more than that though, because it also contains a biography as well as synopses for most of my titles – and I have a plan to update it regularly, perhaps on an annual basis! Portfolio 2020 is available as a free download from my website.

Videos

In July, I made a new book trailer video for the audiobook version of “Blachart” – and so did Nigel Peever as it turned out!

youtube

https://christinaengela.files.wordpress.com/2020/07/blachart-video-by-nigel-peever.mp4

Aren’t they great? 🙂

Sales

Getting my writing available in audiobook format seems to have been the ticket I’ve been waiting for, and these are truly exciting times for me as a writer! At this stage I have only one audiobook out, my first, and with its first month almost complete, sales are really encouraging! For the past month most of my marketing has been aimed at promoting “Blachart” and upcoming new audiobook titles “When Darkness Calls”, “Malice!” and “Demonspawn”. With more to follow, these items really could be the thing that helps promote my writing and blow those doors open that so far have tended to keep me out!

Publishing

Under recent releases this month, these are the six books I’ve released so far this year!

July really has been a month of change. Not only was there a death in the family, but it’s also the month I closed my account with Lulu.com – the self-publishing platform I’ve used since 2005. Although I am angry with Lulu, and sorely disappointed in what they’ve done – and how they did it – I am grateful for what they did for me over the years. There’s no way I would’ve had the foundations in self-publishing I have today, were it not for Lulu. At one time, they were the ONLY self-publishing platform that would take on writers from South Africa – let alone being willing to accommodate paying us via PayPal!

Sadly, I simply couldn’t get to grips with the awful new changes Lulu inexplicably inflicted on loyal users that – in my view – rendered the platform unfriendly and totally useless. In the second week of July I redistributed the titles that were based on Lulu between Moon Books (publishing eBook, paperback and audiobook via Amazon) and eBooks via EBooks2Go, Draft2Digital and StreetLib. Frankly I think some of them that were available only on Lulu will have an even wider reach as a result. I sent Lulu the account deletion request on the 20th.

Unfortunately, due to Lulu’s short-sighted idiocy, I now have to edit and update “The Pitfalls of South African Self-publishing” as well – there’s an entire section covering how to self-publish a book via the system Lulu just casually chucked into the bin that needs to change. Frankly, I’m thinking I’ll need to base that portion on EBooks2go instead – since their system is far simpler and easier to use, not to mention less fiddly.

Also as a result, I’ve had to update purchase links on my website and social media accounts that referred directly or indirectly to my books via Lulu. If you find any I haven’t got round to fixing yet, please drop me a line and let me know! 😉

Hally Park Publishers

For quite a while now I’ve been working to expand my marketing reach, and in the spirit of that endeavor I recently contracted with Hally Park Publishers – a South African small press who also list suitable self-published titles on their website – to list my eBooks!

It’s taken a little time for them to appear on their website – after all, I’m not the only author they have listed, and I have just over 30 books – so I’m sure that was quite a job! Nevertheless, the first fifteen appeared on their site during the night (yes, I’ve been watching)!

The advantage of this arrangement – that is, listing my books on a local South African book selling site – is that it’s a new local market which already attracts its own traffic! Additionally, the prices are displayed in Rands, as well as my books being displayed alongside titles by other local authors – which should attract more local readers looking for some local literary South African flavor!

You can view my listing there by clicking on the link, or the screenshot below!

Audiobooks

“All That Remains” JEA (2019)

“See Them Aliens” MBP (2019)

“Blachart” MBP (2020)

I mentioned previously in my post “Coming Soon! “Blachart” – the Audiobook!” back in May – and in my newsletters for June and July that I’ve been eagerly awaiting the audiobook release of “Blachart” – and I’m sure you have too!

On the July 10th I got a notification that “Blachart” the audiobook was available on Amazon! As I promised in February this year, “Blachart” has (finally) been released as an audiobook! It doesn’t usually take this long to go through the production process, and I’m sure the current pandemic must’ve had something to do with it – but regardless, the eagerly-awaited finished product has arrived at last! And – WOW – what a product it is!

Narrated by Nigel Peever, “Blachart” – book 1 in the Galaxii series – is 10 hours 26 min long, and is nothing less than a rip-roaring sci-fi adventure! You can read more about it here.

I’ve also had to review a string of auditions for “Malice!“, “When Darkness Calls” and “Best Served Cold” – and I have to comment on the diverseness of the sort of voices, accents and personalities that sent their auditions in! Wow! For a writer, nothing encapsulates the diversity of one’s audience more than listening to a variety of people, male and female, reading words you wrote in a variety of accents! It’s even more of a compliment when you can hear them enjoying it as they do so! “When Darkness Calls” is narrated by Miciah Dodge, and Michelle Innes had me covered in goosebumps as she read an excerpt of “Malice!” in her Scottish accent! Currently, “Malice!”, “When Darkness Calls”, and “Demonspawn” are in production, and we’re still looking for a narrator to read “Best Served Cold”!

Coming Soon

In the meantime, here’s a look at the covers for the coming audiobooks of “When Darkness Calls” and “Demonspawn”:

Reviews

You can see all my previous reviews here.

Currently Available Titles

I now have 29 unique titles available in 4 series (not including books I’ve been the editor for, and my 16 free promotional items)! My books are available in three different formats: EBooks, Paperbacks and Audiobooks. Click the links or images below to view titles available in these formats.

Communication

Below are links to a few of my most recent posts and articles since my last newsletter:

Expand The Brand: Hally Park Publishers

Guest Writer #4: Lee Hall

Coming Soon: “Malice!” – The Audiobook!

Coming Soon: “Demonspawn” – The Audiobook!

“Blachart” – TWO Audiobook Trailers!

“When Darkness Calls” – Actually A True Story

A Visit To The Archives!

“Blachart” – A Writing Journey [cross-posted on Moon Books website]

Unleashed: “Blachart” – The Audiobook!

Free Download! Portfolio 2020!

Another Round At The Crow Bar #43 July 2020

If you want to see more articles, just click on the category links below:

Elements of Horror

FAQ Answered

Fun Facts

LGBT Heroes

The Tech Side

Secret Weapons of the Resistance

Writing Advice

Guest Writers

Newsletters

Interactions

Fan Mail, Reader Reviews & Honorable Mentions

I very pleased to have quite a few items to show you this month!

Parade.com shared one of my quotes in a listing titled “150 of the Best Relationship Quotes and Sweetest Couple Quotes That’ll Make Your Heart Flutter” on July 08, 2020. “Regardless of what language it is said in, ‘I love you’ stays beautiful, and two hearts beating together make the same sound. It is the language of Love.” – Christina Engela

The Satanic Church of South Africa shared my academic book “Satanism: The Acid Test” on their website resource page! (found on July 12, 2020) This is of course, what this book is supposed to do – educate people, demystify the occult, and relieve people of their ignorance!

Miciah Dodge, the narrator recording “When Darkness Calls” sent a message via ACX on July 07:

Jennifer Shepard really seems to have liked my article about “Blachart”! (July 11, 2020):

The audiobook version of “Blachart” received a gracious reader/listener review on the 5th of July:

On July 21, Brandon Mullins, CEO of Moon Books Publishing shared the following compliment for “Blachart” in a publishing group on Facebook:

On July 26, Scott M. Darrah gave me his opinion of the audiobook:

Miciah Dodge, the narrator for “Christina Engela’s Strangely Compelling Scifi Stories vol 1”, “When Darkness Calls” and “Duck Blind” sent me this nice email on July 26, 2020:

I display my Fan Mail, Reviews & Compliments with pride, gratitude and humility. You’re always welcome to have a look.

Hate Mail & Horrible Mentions

On July 17, somebody thought it would probably be hilarious if they spam bombed my inbox with email notifications for a fake account they created in my name – on an Asian Dating Site in Indonesia! Unfortunately for them, I left the factory with a warped sense of humor, so instead of being bent out of shape by their ‘ingenuity’ all they did was give me a few good laughs… I mean have you seen half the profiles on any dating site?? Anyway, I know how to filter and block email addresses – and the admins of said dating site were kind enough to delete the profile for me when I asked nicely, so – better luck next time, whoever you are!

I’m rather proud of my hate mail, and you can review my collection here – but be forewarned, don’t do it while eating or drinking, or you might choke while laughing!

Interviews

All my interviews are linked to from this page. If you would like to do an interview with me about my work, please do get in touch!

In Closing

Well, that’s all for this time, folks! 🙂

Thanks again for all your support, friendship and interaction!

Feel free to email or message me via Facebook, Twitter or LinkedIn if you have any comments or questions!

Until next time, keep reading!

Cheers! 🙂

Catch me on social media!

If you would like to know more about Christina Engela and her writing, please feel free to browse her website.

If you’d like to send Christina Engela a question about her life as a writer or transactivist, please send an email to [email protected] or use the Contact form.

Show your appreciation for Christina’s work!

Another Round At The Crow Bar #44 August 2020 Hello friends and fans! Welcome to my 44th newsletter - August 2020!

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douchebagbrainwaves · 4 years

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WRITING AND AMBITION

Then I could put it online right away. At the most recent summer cycle may not even raise angel money, let alone which one. And yet fighting is just as much as Apple would. That becomes an end in itself, possibly more important than programmer productivity, in applications like network switches. I haven't tried that yet. If you keep the company going. The right way to lift heavy things is to let your legs do the work—if they started by understanding why their startup is worth investing in, rather than whether it's going to succeed no matter what.

For example, legacy admissions. I was interested in maths. To make sure, they were the Rebel Alliance. The patent pledge doesn't fix every problem with patents. Another thing blogging and open source have in common is the Web. Now a lot of mean people out there, there are sometimes multiple answers. Most investors are genuinely unclear in their own minds why they like or dislike startups. So approach this like an algorithm that gets the right answer by successive approximations. Oh boy! I know what is meant by readability, and I remember well the strange, cozy feeling that comes over one during meetings. Such hypersensitivity will come at a cost. Better a narrow description than a vague one.

My guess is that no city with a dead center could be turned into a startup hub. Whereas when they don't like startups that would die without that help. Y Combinator. But the pain hurts less when it isn't mixed with resentment. And that's why startups thrive in startup hubs like Silicon Valley. Not just the first step up a big mountain. But consulting is far from free money.

Even if your colleagues were impressed by your credentials, they'd soon be parted from you if your performance didn't match, because the company would go out of business and the people involved. It seems reasonable to suppose the newest one will too. I resent being told what to do by a boss. Even a lot of languages are pervaded by this spirit. We were saying: if you depend on an oligopoly, you sink into bad habits that are hard to overcome when you suddenly get competition. It brought a critical mass of nerds and investors to live somewhere, you could create in a couple years, but the reason most employees work fixed hours is that if there were some program you wanted to take being blocked off, and the best stuff prevails. By no means the message they'd like to work, any more than we'd expect naive solutions for keeping heroin out of a small agricultural town wouldn't benefit from moving to a cheaper apartment. If you describe your web-based database might resist calling their applicaton that, because it would cause the founders' attitudes toward risk tend to be diametrically opposed: the founders, and there would be no room for investors to make money, but also that there are more bad programmers than good programmers. The most dangerous thing about investors is their indecisiveness. That has worked for some groups in the past.

With server-based apps get released. When I heard about this work I was a bit surprised. Investors don't expect you to get a lot done. West Point or the classes American students take now to improve their SAT scores. I started acting like a child. A friend asked what they were doing for office space, and seemed surprised when I said we expected them to work out of whatever apartments they found to live in a town where the cool people are really smart, but you have to quit and start your own company, but it feels young because it's full of rich people, it has to go through the government. But they could not have put into words exactly how their ugly ducklings were going to grow huge selling Basic interpreters. The total effort of reading the Basic program will surely be greater. He said their business model was crap. One of the most admired Web 2. So I bet it would help a lot of Lisp's unpopularity is simply due to having an unfamiliar syntax.

It has an English cousin, travail, and what to do by a boss. He said it wasn't anything specific Google did, but simply that they like what they can't have, but that they were started there. But while Microsoft did really well and there is thus a temptation to think they would have seemed in, say, 1970, I think professionalism was largely a fashion, driven by conditions that happened to exist in the twentieth century. 03% false positives. Spam filter wouldn't have caught it. Spams tend to have more lines than the same program written in Lisp especially once you cross over into Greenspunland. They're quite explicit about it: they like to acquire startups at just the point where most startups can do without outside funding. But you can run into a problem when you use a fixed number like this. The other implication of the organic growth hypothesis is that succinctness is power, or is there something unique about it?

If investors think you're a winner they focus on the former, and if not they focus on the latter. Logically, they're not the same token anymore. The ideal would be to consider not just 15 tokens, but all the tokens over a certain threshold of interestingness. And if they do something risky and it fails. But the fact is, the better startups will do there. If you're having trouble raising money from investors, perhaps, but the pain is spread over a longer period. I was someone else. This is the single most common lie told to investors, and we can all see the long tail of meanness that had previously been hidden. The way to handle rejection is with precision. What does it take to make a silicon valley, is a way for VCs to make the best case, the company keeps moving forward at about half speed. That's the best case you do it on their terms.

If one tries a new programming language or a new hosting provider and gets good results, 6 months later half of them are using it. So the question of whether a language could be too succinct. And if you like certain kinds of applications that need that specific kind of data, however preliminary, tell the audience. Well, server-based apps get released as a series of small changes. I missed got through because they happened to use words that occur often in my legitimate corpus. Impossible? And we paid a PR firm about $30,000 to promote our launch.

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pianosamurai · 7 years

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Asia Trip Part 3: Tu Lan + The Trip to Hanoi

Truth be told, we were on the fence about doing this second tour, even though it was just a 1-day trip. We were a little fuzzy on the specifics - would it be similar to Hang En? Too similar? Did we want to potentially tarnish the fun we had on the first tour, with a potentially mediocre experience the next day?

We overcame the over-thinking and went ahead with the tour, which ended up being (of course) the absolutely right thing to do. It was an even earlier pickup than the first tour, and we had the same breakfast we did the first morning at Ho Khanh’s Homestay - fried noodle with eggs, tea and some fresh mango. I realize now that I forgot to highlight our host Duc, who was the nephew of Ho Khanh and managed the entire homestay. He was a great and had an awesome energy (regardless of whatever time we saw him). I especially appreciated the conversation after we found the massive spider the first morning.

Amanda: “Good morning Duc! So we found a huge spider in our room.”

Duc (smiling): “Ooooooh...really? You okay?”

Amanda: “Oh yeah we’re fine, but I figured you should know.”

Duc (laughing nervously): “Hahahah...yeah....it’s okay! He friendly!”

And then 5 minutes later:

Duc: “Was the spider inside the room? Or outside the room?”

Amanda: “Inside the room, on the window.”

Duc: “Oooooh.....hahaha okay!”

We were picked up by another Oxalis tour guide that morning named Vu, in what I believe I was a nice Toyota RAV4. Expecting another small bus to show up with a bunch of other tourists, we were pleasantly surprised to find out that we were actually the only people on the tour that day. We were driving about an hour away, to a different cave system in a completely different area. Tu Lan is not a national park, but it was equally inspiring as the park in Phong Nha.

Along the drive, we took a highway that Vu told us was running along the Ho Chi Minh Trail, and then he proceeded to dive into some Vietnam War trivia. That was one thing I was curious about, to hear their perspective and see how they react to foreigners, and Americans in particular. Granted, as tourists they were only going to give us so much information, but the way that Tha put it the day before, “For a while, the older Vietnamese generation was angry at Americans. But after a while, we decided to change our minds. And we said, okay, we should be friendly with Americans now.” In these smaller towns, tourism has actually been well-received, as it has provided lots of jobs and opportunities for the local people. I only hope that the goodwill that we experienced during our time there will remain, and grow into the future.

Just before we arrived at the headquarters in Tu Lan, we encountered a very muddy stretch of the road that had actually handicapped an Oxalis van, carrying a few tour guides (including Tha) who were going to the headquarters for a training session. Apparently a bridge had been in place previously, but over the years it had started to deteriorate until it was finally taken down to make way for a new bridge to be constructed. But at that moment, we were between bridges - bring on the mud. The van eventually managed to squirm its way up the little slope leading back to the main road. More on this mud zone later.

There was some light drizzle on and off throughout the day (hence the mud), but obviously not enough to deter the tour from happening. We made it to the headquarters, where we got situated and received an abbreviated safety briefing from Vu (”you guys know all this stuff already, so we’re good”). And then the three of us started trekking towards the caves.

For any cinephiles who are reading this, much of the recent King Kong movie “Skull Island” was filmed in this region. While that was generally used as a selling point on the Oxalis website, Vu seemed only mildly amused by the connection (”I haven’t even seen the movie!”). I actually did see the movie, and while I wasn’t nearly geeking out over being on location where they shot the film, it was pretty fun to imagine a huge gorilla and a huge dinosaur battling amongst the hills and rivers around us.

But humongous creatures aside, it was clear why the filmmakers were attracted to this area. It had a sense of mystery and wonder that kept me intrigued the whole day. I’m sure the vibe would have been completely different in the summer, with blue skies and sun, but I’m happy that we experienced this place in the exact state that we found it.

A long, flat walk amongst rice and peanut fields (and a whole lot of water buffalo) led us to our first river and then eventually our first cave. The caves we explored on this day were nowhere near the magnitude or scope of Hang En, but they still had plenty to offer. If anything, it made me want to go watch the Planet Earth “Caves” episode again, which I’m sure I had not nearly appreciated enough the first time.

As the day went on, I grew more and more thankful that we hadn’t decided to pull the plug on the tour. This experience was so different than Hang En - not just the setting, or the caves. The fact that it was just me, Amanda and Vu (and an occasional porter or chef) gave us the chance to really appreciate the solitude and the majesty of the Tu Lan area. Rather than a handful of tour guides shepherding a group of random assorted tourists, it just felt like a few buddies taking a walk through the jungle, stopping at times to admire crazy stalactite formations, local cows that crept up to within a couple feet of our trail, or super dark cave ladders like this one:

(dub step analogy ahead): This small section of the trip could have been considered the Build, if our lunch campsite was the Drop (sorry). We had to climb down that (clearly) not well-lit ladder, which led to a dark cave within the river that we canoed down for a few minutes before being spit out at this beautiful little nook:

The campsite was at the far end of this little lake, and we relaxed for a bit while the sky tried to figure out if it wanted to rain, or just seem threatening. Again, lunch was a delicious combo of spring roll/bánh mì fixings (assembly required). Another highlight of this day was having an uninterrupted opportunity to talk with and learn about Vu, our guide. He was from the city of Hue, where his parents had owned a coffee shop. After school, he decided to move to Phong Nha to escape the hustle of the big city. Naturally, he said the instant coffee that was more easily found in these rural areas didn’t really get the job done for him (”I drink 6 cups a day, and feel nothing”). He told us about his first experiences with Oxalis, when he was the only applicant who didn’t speak English, but he was a good enough swimmer that they brought him on for training. The caving experts that train the guides are all based in the UK, which explained Vu’s fairly consistent British accent. When asked what country he would most like to visit (he had never left Vietnam), he replied “America” without too much hesitation. Why? “Because you can make money there.”

After lunch, we took a slightly more perilous route back down to the main trail, up and over a steep hill complete with spiky, slippery rocks. Thankfully nobody got themselves hurt - just very muddy. As we found flat ground again and reached our final river crossing (heading back to the headquarters), I paused for a few seconds, mid-river, letting the water wash the mud out of my shoes and feet. I tried to breathe slowly and let the moment sink in, and not just take this last wet river crossing for granted. People may wonder (especially the locals) why city dwellers from halfway around the world would pay money to walk around in the jungle, through the mud, over hills with sharp rocks, getting sweatier and dirtier by the minute. An easy answer would be “to feel alive”. But I think more than that, it was “to remember what life is, and what it can be”. In a place such as New York City, it’s very easy to get wrapped up in your day-to-day life, and oftentimes global happenings outside of the five boroughs only register as a blip on your News App. The day that I started to travel more frequently for music, my relationship to New York City - and the world as a whole - changed dramatically. To put oneself in a situation such as this river, this jungle trek - I looked at it as a self-inflicted reminder, to stay humble, and to always appreciate the lifestyles and customs of other people around the world. Just because they do things differently than us, doesn't mean that they aren’t as passionate about life and invested in what they do. And that’s something I can always respect.

A return to headquarters was capped off with a most-welcome hot shower at a stall that was set up about 50 yards from the main building. At this point, my trusty New Balance sneakers had, sadly, started to kick the bucket. The tread had started to peel off the bottoms of the shoes, and I could almost hear them yelling, “Come on man, give us a break!” So I donated them to Vietnam, and Vu said he would keep them at the headquarters, just in case somebody with huge feet showed up one day and needed to borrow a pair for their own excursion.

Although had I known what was coming up next, I might have held onto them a little while longer. Remember the muddy stretch of road that we passed in the morning? As we approached it on our return to Phong Nha, we were held up by a couple of people who were helping to guide a vehicle coming up from the opposite way. Turns out, that vehicle was a big tractor with BIG wheels. We all had the same thought instantly, fearing that the BIG wheels had left some DEEP grooves in the mud, and if our RAV4 managed to slip into those grooves, we might get stuck.

Well guess what - that’s exactly what happened. Despite our driver’s best efforts, we were squirming along the muddy decline, trying to drive in between those grooves without falling into them. But everyone knew the moment that the wheels slipped, and we were just stuck. Long story short, the Oxalis van that needed rescuing in the morning came to our aid, and a coalition of myself, Vu, Tha and the van driver managed to push the RAV4 from behind, eventually giving it enough leverage to snarl out of the grooves, nearly drive off the side of the road, and then finally clamber back up the incline on the other side. All the effects of the hot shower were completely erased by the splattering and the (slowly drying) mud cakes covering my feet and sandals. But after the initial discomfort, I thought - why not? I spent the whole day trekking through mud, so it only seemed appropriate (in hindsight) that I would re-muddy myself with a few Vietnamese dudes, shoving a car out of a ditch. It was like an added authentic bonus to the tour that Oxalis had been keeping a surprise. (Although I’m sure they aren’t trying to make a habit out of this.)

We eventually made it back to Phong Nha, where we gathered ourselves at a chic little restaurant on the main strip near our bus stop. In my scheduling madness, I had booked a sleeper bus from Phong Nha to Hanoi, which was an 8-9 hour drive. This way, we could get to our final destination by midday the following day, and also didn’t have to worry about a hotel for that evening. Dinner was surprisingly good (didn’t expect that I would be eating wood-fired pizza in Vietnam), and then when the bus finally showed up, we entered what would be one of the more hilarious nights of our trip - and maybe our lives?

Hilarious could be the wrong word - maybe strange, special, a little nerve-wracking? Some combination of all those things. I have no photos of this bus, but Amanda summed it up the best halfway through the drive, when she half mumbled to me, “If I just pretend like I’m on the Knight Bus from the Harry Potter movie, I’m good.”

Facing the back of the bus from the front, there were three rows of double-decker bunks. Not 180-degree flat bunks, but more like the passenger seat of a car, folded as far back as it can go. Add a little plastic case surrounding the bottom and sides of the chair (imagine the material from a Fisher-Price jungle gym), and that’s what the sleeping situation was like. They were most definitely one-shooters, so Amanda and I found neighboring bunks.

Once we got going, it became quickly apparent that the bus drivers (there were two that alternated during the drive) were not too interested in the notion that people were trying to sleep. Honking, speeding, swerving, revving, spitting out the window - all was fair game. In hindsight it was hilarious - I mean, what more was I expecting at $14 a ticket for an overnight bus ride? - but at the time, there were a few moments where I had to question whether or not I had made the right decision.

Regardless, we made it to Hanoi somewhat alive, and after a brief stop to gather our bearings at a nearby hostel, we embarked on Phase 2 of our journey that day - to Cat Ba Island!

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fiction-queen-blog · 7 years

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TheAmazingUchihaBruhs: Maddy’s assitant

A/N: Tumblr app won’t allow me to post my stories, so I gotta do it this way. @theamazinguchihabruhs

read: “Getting A Job” Characters: Sasuke, Madara

Previously in theAmazingUchihabruhs:

I kicked my shoes out when I got home before walking inside the living room.

“Hey y’all, I quit my job, wasn’t worth it, got boring, so about that internship?”

“YES?!” Both Itachi and Shisui suddenly stood in front of me.

“Told you he would quit!” Itachi said.

“Fuck yea, good thing you aren’t determined at all!” Shisui added.

Well…that was mean...I should have known they would react like that. Now I could say I take the internship at the hospital, I would hurt Shisui that way. But I could take the internship at the lawfirm and hurt Itachi that way...if there was only a way to hurt them both.

“So who are you going to choose?” Itachi asked.

“Y’know what, why don’t you two fight to the death and I will go with whoever wins “ I said, walking pass them to the kitchen to get something to drink. In my surprise Madara was already sitting at the bar table drinking some whisky

“Why are they arguing?” Madara asked.

“Hmm...internship” I said, sitting next to him. He poured me a glass.

“You quit?”

“Yes”

“Odd” He said, looking at me from the corner of his eye.

“How so?” I asked.

“Because last time I went past the diner to get some coffee and to obviously annoy you, they said you quit...about a month ago” He laughed before shaking his head, “It is just so funny because...around that time this maid cafe got very popular because of a new waiter that apparently quit today, according to my sources”

“Ha...what a coincidence” I chucked down the whiskey before grabbing the bottle and pouring myself some more. “They are still going at it...” I tried to change the topic.

“Oh, you know what? They said you couldn’t get an internship at my firm, but what if I offer you a temporary job? As my assistant?”

“...really? How much does it pay?” I heard something break in the background and I swear...I did not want to turn my head to see if I was right.

“I don’t think you are in a position to bargain” Madara said, shaking his head.

“I take it” I said, raising my glass. “Cheers”

“Cheers” Madara said.

“Should we tell them I already took your offer?” I asked.

“Lesson 1 in business school, when you see your two rivals fight each other...just enjoy the show and stab the winner to the death just to see the pain in their eyes”

“That…cannot be really what they taught you in business school” I commented.

“Nope, I was sleeping and fucking around all through university...no idea how I got here, but alcohol works” He said.

Maddy’s Assistant Part 1

“Alright, get ready”

Madara kicked in the door of my room. I yelped getting up and throwing the first thing that came in my hand towards the door….

Which was the pencil case on my desk...

He ducked, causing it to hit Itachi right in the head when he was just passing by.

“Ey!” He seemed pissed, rubbing his cheek. I put my glasses on and gave him an apologetic look.

“Sorry, nissan” I said before looking at the time. It wasn’t even eight o’clock. “You said we would leave at nine? He confused me.

“Nonsense!” He said. “Business people start early in the day!”

“Why? So you can hit the bars later?” I scratched my head.

“That is the spirit!” He said, “Hurry up or you will have to take the bus to your first day. Spoiler alert, your boss is not in a good mood today”

“But..You seem pretty happy…”

He gave me this creepy smile while closing the door.

“This...Was probably a mistake” I sighed.

I got ready as fast as I could before rushing downstairs. However, my effort of getting ready was in vain. I couldn’t find Madara anywhere.

“Hey, have you seen Maddy?” I asked Shisui who was sipping some coffee on the dining table.

“He left about 40 minutes ago”

“WHAT?!” I threw my hands in the air.

I couldn’t believe this guy.

“Such a pity….I am about to leave for the office now. I might get a muffin on the way” Shisui stood up, grabbing his keys and bag.

“Wait, can’t you give me a ride? The office is on the way-”

Aaanndd~ he shut the door behind him. I couldn’t believe he just left me hanging...That asshole.

I grabbed my bag and headed to the bus stop. Where I just missed the bus and had to waste ten entire minutes for the next one.

Eventually, I ran inside the building, ignoring the receptionist before wanting to take the elevator, but I saw a “defect” sign on it, so i took the stairs all the way to the Maddy’s office.

I was panting and sweating when I opened the door and saw Madara looking at his watch while standing right in front of me.

“You are late” He looked moody.

He was happy when we were home?!

“You left. Shisui didn’t want to give me a ride. I missed the bus, the elevator didn’t work!”

“Bullshit, the elevator works” He said. I looked at a woman passing by the elevator and grabbing the “defect” sign.

“Motherfucker” I hissed.

“And what are you wearing? Don’t you know we have a dress-code here?” He put his hands on his hip and damn did he look pissed off.

“Dress..Code?”

“Yes, where is your suite? You think you can just walk around with some cheap jeans and a shirt?”

“You bought me these jeans” I said giving him a “wtf” look.

“Terrible taste. Couldn’t have been me” He said.

“Hey? Why doesn’t he have to wear a suite?” Some random guy asked when walking by.

“See what you started?!” He hissed, heading towards his office. He watches too.much Family Guy.

I followed him and he pointed at the desk right across the door.

“This is your work space” He said, pointing at it without looking at me. You answer calls, you keep up my schedule, fetch me things I want, fax papers-”

Should I be writing this down? I had no idea?

“Now go get started” He said before disappearing in his office. I looked at the desk before I sat down on the chair. I turned the computer on.

Nope...I had no idea how to do this job. Where was that calendar?

The phone suddenly rang and I grabbed my heart.

Did I have to answer that? I certainly didn’t want to. I swallowed and grabbed the phone.

“Mr. Uchiha’s office, this is his assistant speaking” I said.

“Good morning, this is Aeki’s tables and chairs. Where would you want me to put the order of five new conference tables?”

“....New conference tables...Uhmm..Please hold..” I said, putting the phone down. I opened Maddy’s office.

“No,we knock!”

I close the door when a chair was thrown across the room. Was he messing with me?! That could have hurt me! No wonder he got sued twice!

I knocked before sticking my head out of the door. This time there wasn’t a chair thrown at me.

“Somebody called about new tables. Where do you want to have them?”

“In the warehouse, obviously!” He snapped, “come on, you gotta use your brain! Even that little bit will suffice!” He shouted and I closed the door again. I picked up the phone.

“Warehouse..Is...Fine…” I bit down my lip.

“First time as Mr. Uchiha’s assistant?”

“Y-yes” I said.

“Don’t be sad. He is only nice to his family-”

“I am his little brother” I whined.

“Damn….I am sorry, dude”

“Don’t be...I should be used to it…” I said and hung up before sitting back down. I took a deep breath. I haven’t cried since I was eleven...I am not going to start now. The phone rang again and I picked it up.

“This is Mr.Uc-”

“It is me, you dumbass!” I could hear Maddy yell from the other side of the line. “Bring me some coffee!” He hung up.

“Yes!” I shouted so he could hear me from his office. I walked towards the break room to make some coffee.

I could see everyone give me this pity look...They must know I am the assistant. I sighed as I walked back to Madara’s office. I wanted to open the door, but I had learned from my previous mistake. I knocked before entering.

“Coffee” I said, putting the mug down on his desk. He frowned and looked at the mug before smacking it off the table.

“I didn’t want employee coffee!”

I started to wonder if this screaming was just his normal volume here.

“Go to the starbucks and get me a pumpkin latte”

“Not that hipster stuff” I sighed, “the starbucks is twenty minutes away from here”

“Better hurry before I get cranky”

“Weren’t you already cranky?” I sighed and walked out of the office.

“Tell the cleaning guy to clean this!” He shouted before I closed the door behind me.

“Yes….” I sighed grabbing my phone to text Shisui.

“So when can I sue somebody for assault”

He had send me a pdf with the assault rules and regulations...Only it was...Fucking long.

“You think I can sue him for throwing a chair at me?” I texted back.

“Shouldn’t have gone to Maddy” He replied.

“My firm defends his company. I can’t be your lawyer”

“Sell out” I replied

I put my phone away and took the elevator down and jogged towards the starbuck.

“One pumpkin latte!” I said out of breath when I reached the counter.

“Uhm...Grande?” The person behind the counter asked

“Grande? it is fucking large!” I shouted, ”yes!”

The woman nodded.

“Make sure you write Fucking Asshole on that fucking disposable mug” I sighed,running my hand through my hair.

“...Sure…” She said. She made the coffee and I was back at running to the company. I took the elevator up and arrived in an empty office.

Where the fuck was he?

I looked around the office until I reached the third floor and saw him.

“Maddy!” I ran towards him until something suddenly hit my face and I fell backwards on the ground. I was expecting the coffee to fall on me anytime, but it didn’t. I looked up, seeing some guy had caught it.

“Are you alright?!” He asked concerned.

“I am fine!”

...I was not fine.

“Your nose is bleeding…” He said, grabbing my arm with his free hand and pulling me up.

“Oh damn” I felt my head spin, “somebody should give the janitors a raise..That glass is spotless” I said, trying not to lose my balance. “I got your coffee!”

“You suck” I could hear Madara said. “Clean your fucking blood off the glass”

“On it” I wanted to take a step forward, but everything was moving and I ended up losing my balance and falling right in this guys hand who...Believe it or not...Dropped the coffee to catch me.

At that point..I was more concerned about the coffee than I was about myself.

There was an awkward silence when everybody was staring at the spilled coffee.

“One job….One fucking job..” Madara shook his head.

“Should we call a doctor?” The guy holding me asked, looking around him for some sort of indication.

“If you leave, you are fired” with those words my brother disappeared around the corner.

“Hey? Boy? Are u with us?”

“....Just wondering who my mother cheated with to create him” I sighed. “I am fine.I just need to walk it off!”

I couldn’t have Shisui and Itachi say “I told you so” .I just had to fake it till I made it!

And I had to make it fast.

#Madara Uchiha #Sasuke uchiha #the amazing uchiha bruhs #this is how updates will go from now on probably #becasue tumblr app sucks and I don't know the email that I used for aub and now I am banned from my own blog #well so I made a new one #seems like u guys like this new one #even though I post so little you still follow me ^^#thank you all for the support #AUB ADMIN WILL DIE IN THIS FANDOM!

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hrllscrt · 5 years

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g h o s t 1.1

I don't think I saw it coming. And I still could not actually have it sink it. Is this what they meant by being 'ghosted'? I don't believe it is a real term. But the prolonged silence after a single text telling me that he'll see me soon…could’ve been a red flag. Realizing the situation a tad too slow blocked me from reaching out to him at every social media presence we have in common. That was how I was 'ghosted', I think.

When someone you love disappears.

That's all there is. I do not feel the same intensity of pain as I did when it dawned to me that he was never going to get back to me. All that hysterical cries were left behind the minute I got into the plane to leave the place I promised to meet him. All the happiness I brought to share with him, I brought back with me. Maybe coming over to his country, just to meet him was akin to pushing my luck with him. My best bet was that he had no idea how to say that he was not interested. Being less technologically inclined than I was, I found out by accident that he was...living his life like nothing has changed through his public profiles. All the profiles he blocked me from. Seems like...I was the ghost. And I have disappeared without traces.

Talking it through with someone else did not make the pain hurt any less. I think I am too used to being disappointed with all the men I tried to love that my heart has toughened up like the muscle it is. The pain and sadness, they are still there. But I recover too fast. And now, what was haunting me is my inability to reign my curiosity from nitpicking the reason why he left me. I keep wondering why.

Why do you do this to me?

Why did you lie?

Why can't you be honest?

I am still hurting. And I still go on like nothing happened. Like it was just a bad dream that I was left alone at some foreign land in a small room to cry and fall asleep. Only to wake up and repeat the cycle over and over again.

“I am glad that you found out before it gets so much more complicated,” Andrea mentioned it to her. In the fiction she read, most of the heroine despise being sympathized. It makes her wonder why. Sympathy is a comforting action someone could offer in this sort of situation. It did not make it hurt less but it was a distraction enough to not think of it.

One year.

They had been in that long-distance friend/lover relationship for over a year. It was a few days short of one year and four months. They had been talking and it was a shot in the dark for her to find a Japanese friend that could help her with her Japanese. But in the end, they did not talk much on Japanese language. It became a life-line towards an emotional safe-house.

How in the world did it boil down to her finally gaining that elasticity of emotion to confide to her colleague what actually happened in their meeting room while discussing how to paraphrase their annual review report?

“Despite what people think, Japan has a high rate of pickpocketing cases,” Farah provided helpfully, reasoning her shocking experience of being pickpocketed just hours before her flight home.

“For real? That’s crazy. Didn’t they make that social experiment on lost items a few years back? The Japanese didn’t even give those phones and jewellery a second glance,” Angela mused again. “They pick it up to put it somewhere visible,” she added enthusiastically.

“Yeah...I’m sure if it’s in Malaysia, any smartphones will be in some drug-addict kid’s hand faster than you can say ‘passport’,” she replied back, trying to laugh off the familiar tremor she felt at the memory. Farah’s clicketing on the laptop keyboard slowed.

“Nah. It’s infamous in our FB backpackers group. Quite a few people encountered this case. And yes, it’s surprising,” Farah informed, pulling Lea by her office chair closer to look at the piece she was writing.

“Maybe it’s because I was staying at some hostel swarmed with foreigners. It was practically a boarding house with a bar at the ground floor. My bad,”

Yeah...my bad.

It was all my fault. I was being too forward. I was expecting too much. I went way over my head and assumed what was not even there.

“You’ll be fine, Lea. I know you will. I’m glad you got home safely in the end,”

She looked at Angela and hear those words repeating itself.

“Yeah. I’m good. Maybe my heart isn’t that broken because my heart had Spartan workouts with previous relationships,” she laughed. “The guy I previously dated was the worst, I think. I cried and cried and it lasted for so long,”

That was another bad memory. But it seemed nothing compared to this weirdly unusual kind of heartbreak. It was not as painful but she just can’t get over it. It hurts her head more than her heart because...there are too many questions.

“Maybe it’s just geography, but then again, it must be my age,”

Yes. I am older. Not wiser. Just too tired to hurt too long.

“Lea,”

She blinked and saw 3 pairs of eyes watching her. Tom, her boss looked concern; which he rarely does. Tom is a great boss but he’s always on to the next big thing in his checklist that he barely had time to muster any facial expression.

“Sorry! I was thinking…,” she quickly looked at the map she had on projection while her brain scrambled to materialize some sort of idea. “Is it ok if we just utilize the Green Heart’s web application to let the Indonesian colleague see what we’ve been doing so far? I mean...it could be a great test-drive for the app,” she quipped, dragging her explanation to not sound like she was close to dozing off.

“Oh. I was just wondering if we could make a new one instead,” Celia, the project manager stated. More like inquired.

“We could. That won’t be a problem. We can make a separate web app. Since half of the data is already there in the website, it shouldn’t cause eat any more credits than it already has,” she helpfully explained. And everyone jumped to that piece of idea, leaving her some space to drift again.

“Then I think Lea should go too,”

Again, she jumped at the mention of her name; clueless.

“Really?” Tom retorted as he stared at her and she avoided his eyes by searching Celia’s face for some sort of idea on what they had been debating about while she went to her lala land.

“She knows the system, Tom. Practically built it. I think she could kick up some schnazzy jazz on the technical stuff so that the Japanese officer won’t be so skeptical about using the system,”

She gulped and wanted to say something but they were acting like she wasn’t there.

“I mean, Lea could just train Becca. She doesn’t have to go all the way to Tokyo’s office to do just that,” Tom mused, scratching his chin by habit and casted down his sight to his laptop. Not a good sign. He’s seriously considering this?!

Her heart dropped.

No no no.

“Boss...I agree with you. I mean, it is landscape monitoring. Becca would be the best person to present the web app to the Japan office. I can just start training her now and she should be fine by then,” she tossed her first line of defense.

She can’t go there. She doesn’t want to go there. No more.

“Eh, Lea. Don’t sell yourself short. This is your chance to go there and meet up with them. Perhaps go there and have a good time for a change,” Celia urged with all good intentions. Practically the whole office knew about the disaster she had at the Narita Airport. She still breaks into a cold sweat every time she goes to the airport. It doesn’t matter which airport. She won’t ever forget it.

Tom leaned back and she could practically see his thoughts going back and forth like her 20 year old metronome at home. She has to think fast. What could discourage him...fund! Spatial planning team certainly did not plan for this kind of trip!!

“The Green Heart project fund was projected for more than 50K last financial year but I think we barely used 30% of it. Maybe if we could just calculate it into this financial year and justified it by delayed project field work should be fine. Becca did come on-board later than we expected,” Celia added, nailing her coffin tight.

Tom nodded.

“We’ll see about that but I think Lea can start to work with Becca on this. Just in case,”

It has always been up for discussion...whatever that Tom agrees to is always up for further discussion but she knew she had nowhere to run off too without making herself look like a wimp. She’d rather die than jeopardize her work that she worked her butt off. She nodded and smiled thinly.

“When will this meeting be anyway?” she asked at some futile attempt to cook any scheduling conflict.

“We were planning it to be in March,” Tom informed. That’s a long time coming. It’s not even October yet. “But I think we may need to go there earlier since Becca has alot to catch up and we need to start going for the field work and collect the ground-truthing data you’ve been asking for,”

Lea nodded again and tried not to think too deeply about it. It could happen in a month or two but he could change his mind along the way, so she’s still safe. Or so she thought.

Three months later, she confirmed the universal truth. Tom is a real jackass.

It was cold.

They were already out of the airport but her gut was dragging her every step like she’d swallowed cement. She had been feeling that way since she boarded Japan Airlines at KLIA yesterday evening; local time. Lea was beginning to doubt her own psychological state. What was it that she was so uncomfortable with? Airports? Or being in Japan itself? The fear of some impending doom hung over her like a personal microclimate. She kept telling herself that it will be different this time. That this is just the right moment to take ‘vengeance’ on the tragedy that happened to her here a few months back. This time, she’s not alone. Becca is with her and Tom will be flying in tomorrow.

She still can’t believe that Tom ruthlessly kicked her ass all the way back to Japan. She practically told him how stupid she was to be pick-pocketed and all the drama-worthy things she had to go through just to get back to Malaysia in one piece.

“It’s good that you’ve learned your lesson,” he mused.

She could’ve laughed at herself if it wasn’t too sad. She has always been emotional. But being so emotionally erratic that she is close to being unresponsive externally is a loud call for help.

They went on to board the train heading towards Tokyo as soon as they’ve taken their luggage. It was deja vu for her when she tapped her Suica train pass and waited for the train to Tokyo station. She chatted with Becca about the possible output from the coming meeting with the stakeholders. Thinking of work helps to ease her anxiety and made it so much easier to get to know the new colleague. Becca, having lived in Tokyo for almost 3 years prior, enthused over the possibility of meeting her Japanese friends in town. It was close to 9 pm when they finally boarded off. Becca asked her if she wanted to walk to the hotel, she’d flatly decline. There was no way she was going to walk to a hotel she has not seen before through some unknown road while following her phone’s GPS.

“You’re too funny, Lea. There’s no way I’m going to drag these luggage all the way there!”

Lea was glad that Becca’s dry sense of humor finally emerged to match hers. They are colleagues but Becca had only been with them for a little more than 2 months. With the mobile nature of their industry, the employees in their non-profit organization naturally take their time to warm up to the new addition to the family. She herself barely sees Tom more than a few times a month; and that is considered lucky. When they did arrive at the hotel, Becca immediately checked both of them in before announcing that she needed to rush out to catch a former colleague who happens to be nearby.

“I’m so sorry!” Becca called out to her as Lea got into the elevator with both of their luggage after refusing the bell boy’s help.

“It’s totally fine, Becca! Have fun ok?” she yelled out, causing heads to turn. Ignoring the stares, she pressed ‘17’. The ‘17’ button did not light up and she tried swiping her key card again before pressing ‘17’. The elevator door stayed open, indicating that she was again unsuccessful. Increasingly irritated and refusing to go through the trouble to dragging two luggages out of the elevator just to get help, she tried again. And again. She cussed the fact that the elevator was so ‘deep-seated’ into the wall and conveniently angled at the blindspot. Screaming for help is not an option.

So immersed was she that she jumped when someone entered the elevator. Ashamed, she tried ignoring them and letting one of them swipe their card so that she could see how to correctly do it. The man did it while the woman leaned back with a tired sigh. Definitely a couple.

10.

Just her luck. She was hoping that they were going to the same floor. Pretending that she was at the same floor with them, she just rode along. But when the elevator finally opened, she saw that only the woman got off. Increasingly embarrassed, she pressed the lobby button and pretended to watch the floor numbers light change. It felt like forever. When the elevator door dinged open, she waited for the man to get off, but he did not move. Getting a little nervous, she tried inserting her key-card but in her hurry, it dropped.

“Sumimasen,” she apologized, invading his personal space to pick up the card near his shoes.

Sneakers?

The dark blue sneakers looked new and she unwittingly stared at it while getting up. Not wanting to meet his eyes, she tried her key-card again.

“Do you need help?”

She darted her eyes towards the sound of the male voice. His English words caught her off-guard with its lack of the common Japanese accent. The man wore a black sharp-fitting blazer over a band-collared white shirt and was looking at her. But she stupidly looked around to be sure that it was really just them.

“Ah...hai,” she replied, dumbfounded. “Doesn’t work,” she added dangling the key card and felt her corner of her lip raised automatically. She can’t help it when her nonchalant ignorant demeanor take over. It was better to pretend that she’s brash than to be overly sensitive to her surroundings. He smiled back.

“May I…?” he asked, pointing at her key-card. She surrendered the card to him against her better judgement. He slipped the key-card in. “Here, wait for the light to blink green twice, then press your floor button,” he informed.

“Oh! Thank you so much!” she exhaled in relief, not caring if he was a stranger. He chuckled. While the elevator moved, she suddenly realized that he did not swipe his own card.

“Oh my gosh…you didn’t swipe your card!” she exclaimed. He looked at her and when she really did look at him, she realized that he was incredibly tall and lanky. He was easily 6 feet. He seemed to take a minute to digest what she said and suddenly winced like she’d caught him stealing.

“Yeah I did not,” he agreed.

“I’m so sorry!”

“No, no...it’s alright,” he intersect her apology. So did the elevator door as they stopped at the 17th floor.

“Thank you so much,” she informed him, struggling to drag the luggage out and shushing off his attempt to assist. “Don’t worry about me and please have a pleasant evening,”

She waited until the elevator door closes before searching for her room. Her thoughts wondered at the encounter with the man in the elevator. In the past, she would’ve felt internally excited or naively romanticize the situation. In fact, if her memory is a book, she would’ve bookmarked that incident and go back to it over and over again to give her heart the comfortable warmth of optimism. Watching herself in the bathroom mirror, she smiled.

Maybe she should. Because happiness is nothing but fleeting in her case. She could just love someone and let it be confined to that one moment in time and nothing more. Third time's a charm.

#chapter1.1 #ghost #novel #amwritingromance #wattpad #ghostbylea

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dommesticpet · 7 years

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I came home from a trip in February 2017 and there was a Nova Pro 100 waiting in my office. I didn't order it, of this I am sure. It's not like this item has a "forget you bought this setting" of which I am aware, but it does have dozens of settings that claim to be conducive to such things as sleep, relaxation, learning, and certain libidinous pursuits.

@Dommestic ordered it, but never did actually say if it was a gift... we weren’t exactly doing any hypnosis stuff at the time, but bringing this in to the house has resulted in a massive increase in crystals, pocket watches, research, and trips to @entrancedhypnocon - which will be going up to one, previously having been zero.

I've heard about the wonders of lights and sound machines in hushed tones for years, largely because few kinky people seem to be really interesting in articulating their virtues beyond "it's great." And it is great! To date, my experience with it has been exclusively as a subject - I ordered a microphone off of Amazon that plugs in the 3.5mm audio port, and it's the closest thing you'll get to a sci-fi brainwashing helmet without assembling it yourself.

I’m writing this today because it’s important for me that you know someone actually makes and sells this kind of device. Also, this explains what the darned thing is as I write about it often.

HOW LONG HAVE THESE THINGS BEEN AROUND?

Forever. Tiger Direct mail-order electronics catalogs have been advertising these things since the late 1980s and early 1990s, near various Macintosh computers and other office doodads that would appeal to the yuppies of the first Bush era. On one page, some sort of mind machine offering at-home hypnosis. On the other, the new Quadras. I haven't heard of this particular Nova Pro brand name until more recently - there were many before the Nova Pro 100, and there are new ones since then.

Wikipedia has an article called Mind Machines that may be of interest to you.

IS IT WORTH THE ASKING PRICE?

If you or your partner have a fetish for hypnosis in the traditional sense, and you’re not prone to light-induced seizures, I think so.

When it comes to various other hypnotic inductions, the question I asked of many is "Does it work?" The best answer I ever heard was "It does if you believe it does," which seems to be consistent with this device's performance. The best way I can describe the various blinking lights and sounds is like the wipers on your car. You can focus on the lights and sounds briefly, and then it's all wiped away. New lights and sounds appear, and those go too. If someone is talking to you, it's the same kind of thing. I'm told I'm responding to things, but heck if I know what some of them are.

At $400 or so, its value would be directly related to how often you might use it. Depending on your level of desperation/shame/solitude regarding hypnosis, this could be very handy for so many levels. Sure you have access to unlimited spirals and MP3s on your computer or phone, but short of virtual reality I don't think anything is quite as immersive. People are making VR apps for phones, and I'd be eager to try that if you know of a good one.

WHAT DO YOU SEE AND HEAR?

It varies - the model we have has sounds similar to an old computer or game system (it boasts surf sounds, I would not describe them as such) along with red or green lights flickering. Other colors and apparently sounds may be available.

DO I NEED TO BUY EXTRA STUFF FOR THIS?

If you want to use it alone, no - but I would recommend buying something if you want to use it with another person. If you live with that person, you want a microphone (more below). If your relationship will involve Skype or your phone, I would suggest a 3.5mm audio cable - basically, the same thing you'd use to plug an iPod or other audio device in a car if you don't use USB. This allows their words to mix with the beats, blips, and beeps that the Nova Pro spits out. The Photosonix people included a tote bag and pretty much everything you need to run it. It does not use batteries, you have to plug it in the wall.

IS IT HOT?

It is so hot that you may have to ask your deity of choice for forgiveness after using it. It’s not a sin but it probably should be one.

WHAT IS IT?

The Nova Pro 100 is a black box. It's metal, it feels last-century and almost handmade. One of the buttons was a little askew, as it was not assembled properly. It was easy to push back in place. It includes at least one pair of headphones - just normal, nice headphones - and a strange pair of glasses. The glasses are basically just sunglasses with LEDs wired to them that will fry your brain, so turn down those lights to the lowest setting when you try it. You also get also a power source, a serial cable to connect to a computer from 1996, and a manual explaining what all the preprogrammed sessions are. I'm told there are many new more downloadable sessions but we have not yet looked in to those. Considering the advances in personal electronics in the past 10-15 years alone, there's a definite "some dude found this in the back of a Radio Shack" vibe to this item, down to the very 1980s-Star Tours-crew-member-colored tote bag included to carry the hardware in a discreet way so nobody has to know about your filthy hypnosis fetish on the way to a trip or a play party or on the subway.

WHAT ABOUT THAT AUDIO PORT?

The designers may have neglected a USB port due to the age of the devices, but the 3.5mm audio jack is actually quite versatile for future-proofing it, minus the various smart devices that opted out of including such a port in their latest generation. You can plug in a microphone if you wish. You may plug in an iPod or iPhone using those 3.5mm cables you use for your car that they sell at Big Lots for a dollar or three. This also means you can hook it up to your computer - so if you really wanted to do so, you could hook up the Nova Pro 100 to Skype so someone in another city, state, or country can talk to you while the Nova Pro 100 does its thing to you locally. I've been fascinated about the notion of remote-control adult toys, and apparently the Photosonix engineers were one step ahead of technology by ensuring you could add any extra audio in here without a hitch.

I do not have much experience with MP3s but I assume you could also use this in conjunction with any recordings you have. Timing the wake-up and induction elements may be tricky though. The device is programmable, so perhaps that's something a more creative person could do. Then again if you're capable of going through that kind of effort, you've probably rolled your own VR hypnosis contraption for your phone by now and that's much cheaper.

HOW IS IT AT HIDING DISTRACTIONS?

Fantastic. During one session Dommestic later told me there were yelling construction workers outside and I had absolutely no idea this was happening - the headphones helped to drown out some of the exterior sound quite nicely. When we later added a microphone to the mix, I felt like I was locked in my own head.

Despite being a fairly simple device, I found it to be excellent at keeping me focused on her words, more or less. I tend to dart around a lot of things, generally keeping one or two more tasks in the back of my mind while working on a third. The Nova Pro 100 does not let me do that very well. Just when you start to get used to it, things change a bit - the sounds, the lights, and it just helps you sink down again.

WHICH MICROPHONE IS GOOD?

We purchased a Audio-Technica ATR-1200 Cardioid Dynamic Vocal/Instrument Microphone (under $20). Photosonix sells an older one directly, but shipping alone costs more than a similar microphone from Amazon. We tried a PC headset mic and it sounded awful.

The combination of the included headset and glasses with the added microphone create an irresistible, otherworldly vortex that I can only describe as spectacular. My Mistress sometimes changes how she holds the microphone - sometimes when she gets really close to it, it's overwhelming and feels like it's coming from inside my own head. Usually she holds it at a reasonable distance and it sounds more or less normal, but you can play around with it for special effects.

IS IT A TIME SINK?

To some extent - pre-programmed sessions are as short as five minutes or over an hour, and like anything fun you can over do it. On the other hand if you're already staring blankly at a TV for 30 minutes a night, this might actually be more fun and given the rising prices of cable TV, perhaps a decent replacement. I'm kidding. Maybe.

The shorter, under 10 minute sessions we tried weren't so great. The longer ones were a trip, to say the least. I think we've only done more than one session in a row once or twice, and the variety does a good job of shaking you up and setting your expectations before really delivering the goods.

BUT DO I NEED ONE?

If you're a hypnosis fetishist with an experienced play partner and sufficient toys/a good tool box? Probably not. If you have trouble relaxing and letting go, or need a little muscle to flex against your partner, this is a gift from above. If you start a little nervous or perhaps even aroused the relaxation setting will relieve you of those burdens quickly. If you're working with an adequately skilled operator with decent knowledge of hypnotic language, this device does a great job of amping up what they have to say or do, while providing lovely little beeps to keep your mind very busy if they decide to go take a break.

The sci-fi feel, the fetishistic bent of having a device that exists solely to service your fetish is the kind of thing that was likely part of all of our adolescent dreams. Having grown up in an environment where the notion of pleasure never came up even once, having one of these arounds feels like a ridiculous luxury item that will likely be stripped away when the revolution comes. I've had access to a lot of goofy consumer electronics over the years, and I can definitely say that it's worth giving up Starbucks or sodas or whatever minor vice you can to the tune of $4-$5 a day/week until you can afford one of these (or a similar device). If you came to me at a younger age and said “you can never buy soda again, but you can have a brainwashing machine at home” I’d say “I accept your terms, also were you sent by the devil and what is the catch?”

WHAT OTHER OPTIONS ARE THERE?

Lots of other companies are doing light/sound therapy machines that are a little more modern.

At least one or two Tumblr users are doing stuff with smart phone apps including but not limited to using the "Cardboard" VR technology to strap someone in a world. I would expect this kind of thing to flourish thanks to the low barrier of entry for most people with smartphones.

@theleeallure had posted a shot or two of some sort of brainwashing chair which involves computer monitors, visuals, and restraints - which sounds fun. Our set-up is just a chair with the Nova Pro.

WHERE CAN I TRY ONE?

As far as I know, no retailer has these set up for test drives but they do find their way in to various hypnosis conventions, gatherings, and unconferences. @mrs-prism informs me she may be bringing one to @entrancedhypnocon for a class on hypnotic toys. There's no guarantee you will be the one using it, but for all I know you'll get to see someone using it and that is a worthwhile experience. Or so they tell me, I've never seen one functioning from the outside - so I’d like to see what that looks like.

If you're doing a lot of play, it's good. The lights and sounds are a distraction from a plain induction, plus the person won't see (or hear) you if you need to consult a note or a script or just make a silly face for some reason. Like a watch, or a crystal, or your eyes, it's a tool that can make the job easier, but you'll still want to consult resources to know what you're doing, and why, and how. Or at least I would prefer you do this.

Make no bones about it, at $400 or more this is an expensive toy. A hypnosis book from the likes of @hypnoobiwan should be tops on your shopping list. The new age store near you likely has crystals for the price of a cheap dinner out, and perhaps a boutique has a nice pocket watch priced similarly.

#Nova Pro 100 #Hypnosis

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ciathyzareposts · 4 years

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Infocom Marathon: Leather Goddesses of Phobos (1986) – Part One

Written by Joe Pranevich

Sex sells, but few things market a product better than controversy. Throughout much of the 20th century, it was an adage that a book or a play “Banned in Boston” was guaranteed to sell well elsewhere. Oscar Wilde once said that, “The only thing worse than being talked about is not being talked about.” Barbara Streisand discovered that the fastest way to get a lot of people interested in taking photos of her house was telling them that they could not. So it was in that spirit that Steve Meretzky penned A Mind Forever Voyaging as a controversy-magnet, guaranteed to get the conservative pundits wagging their tongues about his leftist pollution of young minds. The controversy never materialized and that game flopped. Unperturbed, he pushed for yet another game that could “go viral”, but this time he aimed to incite the ire of the pundits (and the libido of the players) by embracing sex. Could an assault on decency succeed where AMFV failed?

Whether it was the sex, the return to traditional puzzle-based gameplay, or something else, Leather Goddesses of Phobos garnered enough attention that it became Infocom’s final true “hit”. TBD reviewed the game in 2017 and so I will look at this game through a different lens. Instead of a sequential playthrough and review, I am going to focus on the game’s puzzles. This game is rightly credited as having some of Meretzky’s most clever mind-benders, but does he put them together in a satisfying way? I will also place LGoP in the context of Infocom’s broader story as we progress towards the end of 1986.

My original plan had been for this to come out as a single post, but it turns out that I have more to say about his puzzles than I thought. Rather than cut it down, I’ve decided to split the work into two. Today, we’ll cover the introduction and collect the first four key items. Next week, we’ll conclude with the final puzzles and some thoughts on how the game comes together as a whole.

Another in-joke that got out of hand?

Leather Goddesses of Phobos began as an office in-joke that got out of hand. As early as 1982, Steve Meretzky, still only a game tester rather than designer, scrawled the name onto a whiteboard with a list of upcoming titles before a press event. It was erased quickly, but it became a bit of a catch phrase around the office and would be mentioned whenever a hypothetical game was needed. This repeated meme wound its way into an official Infocom product in 1984 with the re-release of Starcross. As previously discussed, the shift to standard packaging as part of the “corporatization” of Infocom led to changes in all of the earlier titles’ game documentation. The earliest titles, such as Zork and Starcross, received expanded backstories although even later games saw changes. For Starcross, this backstory included a set of the player character’s diary entries that highlighted his boredom before his date with destiny. Tucked away in one such entry is the first public mention of the Leather Goddesses:

M.C.S. STARCROSS 03-28-2186

Underway less than four weeks and I’m about to go crazy! First, the entertainment tapes were mislabelled. It’s all highbrow stuff like operas and lectures. Leather Goddesses of Phobos was really something about the history of the Terran Union. What a rip-off! I suppose I can always talk to the computer. I can’t stand those tapes. I’ll save them for later in the voyage when I’m really desperate. I’ll play games with the computer to keep amused that way.

Although this furthers my suspicion that Meretzky was the uncredited author of some of these new materials, it wasn’t long before Brian Moriarty got into the swing of things as well. The pleasure arcade in Wishbringer featured a Leather Goddesses of Phobos arcade game. While we never got more than that title tease, the idea spread around the office enough that when Meretzky– just off of his failure of A Mind Forever Voyaging— suggested making the game “for real” that it may have felt fait accompli. Their soon-to-be corporate overlords didn’t object and before long Infocom had its official twenty-first adventure game!

Infocom struggled to find consistent sales from the earliest days.

The mass protests never manifested, but Meretzky still managed to garner a few complaints and a computer store or two that refused to sell the title. Still others were unhappy that a game sold based on sexual content wasn’t pornographic enough. Whether or not the controversy helped, Leather Goddesses sold more than 50,000 copies in the first year and ended its run at 130,000 units total, making it Infocom’s sixth most popular title ever. Not bad for a game released so late in the company’s history! This success guaranteed that it would receive a spinoff, the Infocomic Lane Mastodon vs. the Blubbermen in 1988, plus a proper sequel in 1992. Sierra would even parody the title in Space Quest IV.

Activision may have eventually become a bit squeamish about the title. Inexplicably, they did not include it in either of the two Lost Treasures of Infocom sets from 1991 and 1992. Purchasers of the second set could order the game via a special coupon, but at $9.95 (roughly $19 today), that was no small sum for a six-year old text adventure. It was also not included in any of the 1995 compilation box sets, but would finally be included in the Classic Text Adventure Masterpieces of Infocom (1996). That box set was also the first to include non-Infocom games released alongside Infocom ones, but that will be a conversation for another day. It was not until 2012 when Leather Goddesses was finally included in an official Lost Treasures set, the much-loved but now dead release for iOS. I am still angry at Activision for refusing to update that app for 64-bit devices.

Also note the first appearance of the “Infocomix” branding!

Much like their other titles, Leather Goddesses included “feelies” including a Lane Mastodon comic, a scratch-and-sniff pad, and even a map of one of the game’s dungeons. As usual for this period, the comic is required reading as it includes copy protection solutions for several of the game’s puzzles. The comic was drawn by Richard Howell, known for stints at both Marvel and DC as well as helming his own independent comics company. He may be best known for his work on Vision & Scarlet Witch, a series that serves as one of the inspirations for the upcoming WandaVision TV show. The comic was converted to 3-D by Ray Zone, a pioneer in commercializing red-blue 3-D art and who produced many such works during the 80s and 90s. Howell also produced illustrations for the hint book.

The manual tries to place the game in the Zork universe, at least in a tongue-in-cheek way. There are references to Zorkmids and even Dimwit Flathead. While the two previous games that mentioned the Leather Goddesses (Starcross and Wishbringer) were “Zork universe” games, I just cannot buy the technology in this game making sense in the sci-fi worlds of Starcross or Planetfall. I’m going to hold my personal head-canon that Leather Goddesses is popular fiction in the Zork universe and you can all snicker at me that I would even think about this enough to care. There is also a mail-away coupon in the manual for self-help books like you would find advertised in old comics. The address on the coupon is in Somerville, Massachusetts (the next town over from Infocom’s offices near Boston), but the street name doesn’t appear to exist. I’m at a loss to explain what they were doing here as they should either have gone with a very fictional address (so that it was obviously fake) or a real one (so that they could sell some unexpected “feelies”); an address that looks mostly real but doesn’t lead anywhere is very strange. It is also possible that Somerville renamed that street in the last three decades.

Downtown Upper Sandusky, circa 2009.

Our game begins– after a warning that the software we are about to play should not be played by the prudish– outside of Joe’s Bar in Upper Sandusky, Ohio. If you are a child, as I am, of that part of the midwest then your mind immediately went to just how awesome a place Sandusky, Ohio always seemed. On the shores of Lake Erie, Sandusky is the home of Cedar Point, one of the oldest and greatest amusement parks in the United States. Pittsburghers know that Kennywood is even better, but Cedar Point was still a pretty cool place. However, Meretsky fooled us: the game takes place in Upper Sandusky, a town along the Sandusky River a bit more than an hour south and completely devoid of amusement parks.

The primary purpose of the bar is to give us a chance to customize our Leather Goddesses experience. After a night of drinking, we have to relieve ourselves and to do so we have to select whether we are going into the Ladies’ room or the Men’s room. Inside we find a stool which we’d better grab and then do our business. That will set our gender for the remainder of the game. I’ve played through as both male and female, but other than swapping the genders of our comrade-in-arms (either Trent or Tiffany, always the same gender as you) and a few other (ahem) partners along the way, it doesn’t change much. A few turns later, the Leather Goddesses abduct us and lock us in a cell on their spaceship.

Escaping the cell is simplistic as the Goddesses simply left the door unlocked. They also left behind a surprising number of adventure game provisions (including a painting of a cat, flashlight, blanket, metal tray, and piece of chocolate). From there, we can explore their ship, easily rescue a ditsy-but-genius new friend from the cell across the hall, and teleport ourselves towards adventure. A couple of seconds after rescuing her/him, Tiffany/Trent will have an eureka moment and work out a plan to build a device that can defeat the Leather Goddesses and save the Earth, but we’ll need to find eight surprisingly mundane objects to complete the task. These consist of: a common household blender, six-feet of rubber hose, a pair of cotton balls, an eighty-two degree angle, a headlight from a 1933 Ford, a white mouse, a photo of Douglas Fairbanks, and a copy of the Cleveland phone book. Why these items? We have to play the game to find out.

The primary thrust of the game will be to explore Mars and Venus, as well as a bit of Earth and other locations, as we track down the key items. The design of the planets are heavily influenced by the work of astronomer Percival Lowell who, in the 19th century, popularized the idea that Mars may have been an arid landscape cross-crossed by canals. This was then used and reused, perhaps most famously by Edgar Rice Burroughs in his John Carpenter series of books. This game’s depiction of nations on Mars in a state of decay may also have been inspired by Burroughs. Most of this exploration is done by locating and using “black circles” which are scattered literally everywhere; entering one will take you to some other location, usually with no immediate way back. In this way, the game keeps up tension and you are forced into situations where the only way out is to progress forward until you can locate the next circle. Gradually, we develop a network of such portals that allow us to explore at will. Once on Mars, we will eventually discover a royal barge that can be used on the still-intact canals to float downstream. Passing by each canal dock only once (until an alternate method of transportation is discovered near the end of the game), we again feel the tension of needing to do everything and explore everything carefully because there is no way back once we leave. While I may not love the setting, we have to give Meretzky credit for building a not-quite-open world in a new and interesting way and unlocking new areas to explore incrementally. It’s well done. Let’s dig into the puzzles.

Second game in a row with a killer Venus Flytrap!

Puzzle #1 – Venus Fly Trap One of the two black circles that we can discover on the Leather Goddesses’ ship leads to a jungle on Venus and our first real puzzle. It also happens to be one of my least favorite, an example both of how clever Meretzky can be and also how he can overdo it. I suspect that playtesters had difficulty with this one because they added a second solution that is at least more straight-forward than the first.

Immediately after we arrive, a Venus flytrap approaches. It blocks a path to the west, so you know going west must be important. As it chases us east, we quickly reach a fork in the road where the path circles around a pit in the ground. My immediate thought is that we are supposed to get the pit between us and the flytrap, perhaps lure it to the other side then sidle around so that we can go west without it catching us. That idea was completely wrong. If we hide in the pit, the plant will go away, but she comes back when we emerge. How are we to get past her?

At the beginning of the game, we found a piece of paper with a grid of letters on it in Tiffany’s cell. She claimed to not know what it was and that she wrote it in her sleep. Converted to a spreadsheet for easy editing, the grid looks like this:

My first guess was that it was a code, especially as a code is mentioned in the Lane Mastodon comic. Unfortunately, that is a dead end. My break came when I noticed the word “HEADLIGHT” in the second row from the bottom. When we first discovered the paper, Tiffany had not yet had her “eureka!” moment, but by now we know that a headlight (from a 1933 Ford) is one of the key items that we have to find. Searching carefully, we realize that this matrix is a word search puzzle and some variant on the names of each of the eight objects can be found inside. If we find and remove them all, a secret message is revealed:

The message reads: “HISSING FRIGHTENS FLY TRAPS”. I follow its instructions to hiss at the flytrap chasing us and it is destroyed, allowing me to reach the western edge of the jungle. There, we find a can of “untangling cream” and a circle leading to the hold of a mysterious spaceship. More on those later. If we had not worked out the word search, we could eventually discover a wooden trellis and a bag of leaves. By combining those over the put, we create a flytrap trap that has the same effect.

I wish I loved this puzzle because the idea of a word search isn’t terrible, but it doesn’t make any sense in context. Tiffany wrote it before she designed the anti-Leather Goddesses weapon and it’s strange that she would have embedded a solution to a completely unrelated puzzle inside. Tiffany’s subconscious may be clever, but this feels a bit too clever. If there had been a hint somewhere– perhaps Tiffany remarking about a dream that she had while we were running away from the flytrap– it would have worked better for me. As it is, I solved it on my own but it wasn’t as easy as it looks.

Science!

Puzzle #2 – Weird Science

The second major puzzle on Venus is easier but requires trial and error as we navigate a tricky scripted event. We stumble on a mad scientist’s lab in the jungle and are led inside and forced to participate in one of his experiments. We are taken down to the basement where we discover a cage with two gorillas inside (one male and one female), next to a slab covered in strange equipment. We also immediately notice that the cage contains a six-foot length of rubber hose, the first of our key items. We are quickly strapped to the slab and the scientist presses a button. We immediately discover ourselves in the cage, in a gorilla’s body, with an amorous gorilla of the opposite sex nearby.

While the scientist watches carefully, we are given the choice whether or not we want to “frolic” with our gorilla counterpart. Is it bestiality to have sex with a gorilla while you are a gorilla? I have no idea. Regardless of how we choose, the scientist notes our response with excitement and leaves us in the cage.

Escaping is the most difficult part. We do not have the strength to bend the bars, but the game implies that we almost do. How can we get a little more strength? The answer relies on us figuring out the properties of one of the items we found earlier: the chocolate bar delivered with our food way back when we arrived in the Leather Goddesses’ cell. If we had eaten it at any point, we would have received a bit of a “buzz” thanks to the sugar. If we eat it right now, the added sugar and energy it provides is enough to allow our gorilla-self to bend the bars. Unfortunately, the bar is being held by our human-self so that means that we need to quickly put it in the cage during a brief window (1-2 turns) after we are brought downstairs but before we are strapped to the table. Once we are free, we can push the red button to return to our own body, but we should not do so until we (as a gorilla) take the hose out of the cage and untie our human-self. Otherwise, we just wasted time and the game is unwinnable.

This is a fun “on rails” puzzle to solve, but it’s all trial and error and passing items into the cage during that brief window. I worked it out but honestly thought that gorillas (like many other animals) were unable to eat chocolate. Once we get the timing down and do everything we need to do, it’s a fun sequence.

Before we leave Venus, we’ll need to finish exploring the jungle. There’s a coin hidden in an old phone booth, a “Tee Remover” that can be bought off of a traveling salesman, as well as a black circle that gets us back to the main ship. Experienced players may have more difficulty with the traveling salesman than it would appear since he will only accept the flashlight as trade; I was very reluctant to trade my only light source in fear that there would be other dark areas to explore and so only did this when I was stuck elsewhere.

Poor King Midas!

Puzzle #3 – King Mitre Mars is the largest explorable area of the game, although we will have to navigate some puzzles to get to much of it. The area that we are dropped into initially consists of several ruined castles and deserts, surrounded on three sides by a martian canal system. There’s a canal boat north of King Mitre’s castle– more on him in a moment– but the canal is a one-way trip and can land us in an unwinnable state. The first puzzle we find is perhaps the most famous puzzle of the game: King Mitre.

When we arrive in Mitre’s throne room, we get a long infodump where we learn that the Earth legend of King Midas who turned all that he touched into gold is just a corrupted form of the story of King Mitre who turned everything he touched into forty-five degree angles. The game itself admits that this makes no sense, but we go with it for the sake of the puzzle. Much like in the legend, the now depressed king has turned nearly everything, including his daughter, into a forty-five degree angle. He needs some help. What are we to do?

The answer lies in the odd machine that we bought off the salesman on Venus, the “Tee Remover”:

‘It’s a TEE remover,’ he explains. You ponder what it removes — tea stains, hall T-intersections — even TV star Mr. T crosses your mind, until you recall that it’s only 1936.

The “Tee Remover” is a small device with a door and a button. You place something inside, shut the door, push the button, and it will have all of it’s “T’s” removed. It’s quite clever. Later on, we’ll be able to turn a rabbit into a rabbi and many other fun jokes, but for now the key thing is to realize that the “untangling cream” that we discovered in the Venusian jungle can quickly become “unangling cream” when we remove its t’s. If we apply that to King Mitre’s daughter, she reverts to normal. The king becomes so overjoyed that he provides us with an eighty-two degree angle in reward. How he did this when he can only create 45-degree angles is left as an exercise for the reader. We take it and continue on our quest.

As you leave, you hear behind you the sound like a forty-five degree angle landing on a pile of forty-five degree angles. “Oh shit! Not again!”, you hear Mitre moan.

The joy in this puzzle comes from working out what the “Tee Remover” does and how we can apply it to the situation. Depending on whether the player went to Mars or Venus first, it’s possible that this puzzle could have remained a mystery for a while. Unfortunately, this is the only case where the Tee Remover comes in useful; while there are other t’s to remove for added humor (“rabbit” into “rabbi” is my favorite), there are no more where we need it to solve a puzzle. Overall, this deserves its reputation of being the most “fun” puzzle in the game, but it still doesn’t make a ton of sense.

Elsewhere on Mars, we can discover a marsmouse on “Hickory-Dickory Dock”. As a mouse is one of the key items, we try to pick it up and fail. Despite the name suggesting that this puzzle would have something to do with a clock, the actual solution is trivial: show the mouse the picture of a cat and it will become stunned enough to pick up. It’s a bit of a letdown really, but that is two key objects in just a few minutes!

Pittsburgers call Cleveland “The Mistake on the Lake”

Puzzle #4 – Cleveland Rocks!

In a desert east of Mitre’s castle, we discover a fountain and a black circle that has been drained of color. If we use the black stain that we discovered on Venus, we can re-power the circle and are transported to the mythical land of… Cleveland!

Cleveland is, literally, a joke. After the sprawling expanses of Venus and Mars, we suddenly find ourselves cramped in a tiny suburban area that is somehow cut off from the rest of the world. Meretzky pokes fun at this, but the minimalism of this area feels jarring compared to the dynamic environments elsewhere. I’m sure that was deliberate:

You suddenly find yourself longing for the slime pits of Venus or the sandstorms of Mars. This particular section of Cleveland has exits to the northeast and south.

We can explore two backyards and enter one tiny house. The yards have a bag of leaves and a wooden trellis that we can take, both of which could be used in the alternate Venus Flytrap solution. As it is, the sack is only useful for me as a way to ease the inventory limit.

Inside the house, we find a bedroom with a window open to a neighboring street. Just outside is a 1933 Ford with an intact headlight– one of our key items! If this had been a real location, it would be simple to just go around to the public street where the Ford is parked and pick up the headlight. Instead, we can only get there by climbing out a second-story window. How can we do that? Searching the room, we discover a sheet on the nearby bed. We can tie it to the bedpost, but it’s not long enough to reach the window. We cannot move the bed or tie the sheet to anything closer. The solution is to make the sheet longer by ripping it into strips and then tying them together to create a makeshift rope, then tie the assembled rope to the bed. We are too heavy for the rope, but Tiffany will agree to go down instead. Doing so seems like a mistake:

Tiffany climbs down the rope and unscrews the headlight. Suddenly, a truck barrels down the road and hits Tiffany, carrying her out of sight. Moments later, you hear an explosion. As the smoke drifts past the window, your eyes fill with tears. You hang your head in sorrow for a moment to honor your brave, loyal companion who gave her life that humanity might be safe from the terrible scourge of the Leather Goddesses of Phobos.

Of course, she is revealed to have survived the blast a turn or two later after a misadventure with miners on Pluto or something similarly nonsensical. I could not solve this puzzle on my own and had to take a hint. I worked out that I could tie things to the bed and I was trying to use the sheet as a rope, but I never thought to rip the sheet into strips and assemble them that way. I suspect that I have not watched enough jailbreak movies. Tiffany also usually ignores you when you ask for help, but she leaps to it this time.

My biggest issue with this puzzle is how unnecessary it seems. We’re in Cleveland. The car is parked on a public street. It breaks my sense of immersion in the game to have such a clearly constructed puzzle only make sense within the realm of a game. Had Meretzky had duplicated the exact same puzzle in a motel on Ganymede, I am certain I would have enjoyed it more. Either way, we have picked up our fourth key item. Only four more to go!

But… we’ll just have to wait until next week for our shocking conclusion.

source http://reposts.ciathyza.com/infocom-marathon-leather-goddesses-of-phobos-1986-part-one/

#retro games #dos games #retro #crpg #adventure #amiga #oldcomputers #8bit #16bit #blog #repost

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michellelewis7162 · 5 years

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Best Restaurant Roanoke and Types and also Characteristics of Top Restaurants

Best restaurant Roanoke imitation recipes is just a words that defines recipes that imitate those of a particular restaurant or restaurants. If it was actually not of higher quality, no one would certainly even help make the effort to imitate or steal it.

Food is actually type of boring because the general forms are the exact same. There may be particular assortments to some extent as well as times very publicized as an upper hand to promote it, having said that, hen is poultry, beef is meat, broccoli is actually cabbage etc right? How these acquire readied and assembled to be actually provided however, is what genuinely helps make the difference.

Dishes for these foods have been actually bied far by means of the productions making use of the standard types of preparation from the skillet, grills as well as ovens, to boiling pots and also right now microwaves. Keen notion and objective to introduce brand new mixtures of seasonings, dressings and sauces to these general methods assist to boost the tastes of these simple meals. This is actually, possesses and will certainly proceed to be objective of many individuals as well as surely along with restaurants to aid prepare their type and also food in addition to others. Top Restaurants Roanoke

Later on, when I actually worked in a dinner club, one of the starters we served was actually deep deep-fried cauliflower along with a side of cheese dressing. Ever before given that then, cauliflower has ended up being one of my favorite meals and also in all of the standard ways, from raw to steamed and I still like the deep fried technique. If it were actually not for that deeper fried recipe, I may never ever have had the enjoyment of appreciating this healthy and balanced as well as today tasty food items.

I presume it is crucial to recognize Roanoke leading bistro on their own, whether they be actually a convenience food, individual, business, huge establishment kind and even 5 superstar, all introduce countless folks on a daily basis around our nation. Their business is actually just to offer and sell our company as several things from their meals and beverage menus in an atmosphere where our team may loosen up and also delight in. It holds true though that several of these restaurants have operated difficult to establish their very own signature methods, recipes and concepts to specify on their own apart. They devote thousands on publicizing their originality to maintain taking consumers back for additional. The dining establishment service is actually a massive organisation and also incredibly reasonable.

According to the National Restaurant Association, it is actually estimated the industry to connect with $604 billion bucks in purchases for 2011. That is actually $1.7 billion on a regular time. There are 960,000 areas all over the country that worker approximately 12.8 million folks as well as obtain this, of the bucks devoted on meals in the U.S., 49% is actually provided the restaurant sector. I do not learn about you, however that is actually some serious cabbage. It is actually additionally goes to show why restaurants are actually definitely a reputable authority and why someone may walk out of their method to imitate or even replicate a dish or even 2.

This same fundamental explanation will use if you were to pick any type of one of your favorite restaurants Roanoke or even one that may simply be starting up. This dining establishment will bring in an invention of a new strategy or combination of dressings or spices for a brand new food items dish. I must mention, they function at making the breakthrough, putting in effort and time initially, so this brand new recipe may be tried and also checked time and time up until eventually reaching the menu. The restaurant may market the brand new release to let everyone recognize it has a wonderful brand new recipe to follow in and also experiment with. Ideally it comes to be an effectiveness and a showcased item on their menu. If the social adores it, the dining establishment possesses one more resource of new revenue. In the scenario of a new startup, it might likewise be actually a showcased dish that assists them to obtain seen to assist obtain them off the ground and also managing in general.

Think it or not, restaurants on their own can be taken into consideration some of the most significant duplicate feline performers available yet in such a way that does not try to create an exact copy, They will definitely continue in a manner that may utilize the same label of the recipe, but take pride in on their own to create theirs stand apart in a different way through including their personal trademark contact and right down to what else might be included in add-on to the entree to assist specify it other than others.

Except offer your personal type of company, VA restaurants basically steal one another on the overall operating format of exactly how the consumers are actually served as well as dealt with right to featuring "similar" things being actually listed on the menus. They all keep an eagle eye on one another to find what is working well and may change a menu, technique of service, price or whatever the situation might be to suit present consumers as well as soothe new paying out consumers to devote money in their buildings. It is a continuous find saw battle.

Despite these restaurants in 24012 duplicating as well as competing with one another for our bucks, they plainly are actually bench to which our team match up the flavor of our favored foods to They continue press each various other in developing recipes, methods and signature menus that maintain us returning for even more. Our team all possess our favorite menu things and while a single person may choose one restaurant over an additional for a particular meal or even appetiser, the reality is, they all are an authentic short article and plainly worth the effort to copy.

Merely a note, in relation to services (especially non-restaurant) some need to take actions as well as go even further as well as acquire patents or even licenses on their inventions to aid safeguard them from being copied. Along with restaurants, it is a little bit of harder as receiving licenses as well as licensing on food items is a lot more tough and also almost the like accumulating a brand-new technological innovation like an I-pad. Restaurants might need to have to possess some lawful assistance and also agreements arranged along with their staff members to not surrender any type of tricks to their signature methods attempt to keep their tricks in-house ought to a staff member choose to leave. There have been some lawsuit where a cook or chef leaves behind as well as starts a brand-new bistro making use of the very same trademark methods but phoning it another thing as well as well ... even more funds spent to acquire it squared away.

Over time, there have actually been lots of others that have attempted to imitate a bistro recipe from grocery retail store food providers, right down to really good ole Mom. There are those that come up with dishes that are actually identical in general yet do not have that signature taste of a specific restaurant. To acquire a 9 or even 10 merely seems to be difficult and also you are much better off offering up and also merely go to the dining establishment instead.

Properly, suspect what? As there is with everything worth while, there are those couple of individuals that do attempt to replicate these dining establishment dishes to the Nth level. You might practically pertain to all of them as dish hackers. They may be actually professionals, mothers or fathers and also despite who, these people possess a goal and will put in the moment and initiative to damage a recipe down. They desire to identify the details of that signature taste and replicate it in a manner that genuinely does mimic the initial taste. Focus, commitment as well as the can to prosper is a have to for a lot of these people. There are additionally those that are actually simply fantastic chefs and also via their knowledge and intuitive attribute manage to focus on the initial bistro dish. I possess some expertise preparing food as well as can easily comply with a recipe, but, I surely am actually not a dining establishment recipe cyberpunk.

If it is actually a tough job to try to replicate or imitate a prosperous real short article then why perform others try to replicate it?

It often opportunities can be connected to loan and a person else wishing to obtain in on the activity. Some might even appear to create improvements on the original. Assume concerning this, comics can get even more laughs if they are great at replicating some one else?

Just like is actually finished with plenty of various other factors that are made, there is regularly a team of these fascinated individuals that such as to perform traits on their own. These folks will certainly walk out of their technique to steal beloved dishes from every one of these restaurants. I would certainly venture to mention that if one were to talk to much of these DIY (Perform It Yourself) people, it would certainly be actually mostly in an attempt to become able to conserve funds as a major explanation in the beginning. Don't forget previously I discussed that 49% of the buck invested on meals is actually shared in the bistro market? That is actually a considerable amount of cash that one may save!

Loan or even the spending of it, is in fact how and why I began to make note of these restaurant duplicate recipes. I have actually been reviewing our family investing behaviors and also when checking out groceries vs. dining, I was in fact quite shocked. Dining in restaurants has actually become a practice for our company and while it is actually one that our experts perform appreciate, it is actually likewise one that has been actually adding up dramatically. This is actually what started that flickering of the aged light bulb for myself as well as my loved ones.

, I discover the influence of finding out just how to carry out something yourself can easily as well as has saved me a good volume of cash. It has actually assisted create a difference in better investing as properly as saving amount of money also if I do not perform something myself.

Understanding that my family members has cultivated this routine of dining in restaurants more than eating at home, getting all of them to eat common property cooked dishes more often is actually certainly not going to be to effortless. The flickering lighting bulb minute or even tip discussed earlier was to find about receiving some dishes from the restaurants that I could possibly prepare at house with the idea of sparing some loan. I also started to view just how our experts have lost contact along with the skill-set of preparing food. Our experts sure possess all end up being professionals of the microwave, however the remainder of the kitchen space starts to obtain a little skimpy.

The adventure began in search of bistro recipes. Many restaurants do not offer out their recipes and also why would certainly they?

I remember one-time my other half as well as I were actually at a Denny's dining establishment behind time one night and also the amount of our experts appreciated their marinara sauce made use of with the mozzarella adheres we had actually ordered. Our experts inquired the waiter about it as well as she did examine along with the prepares on that, yet they definitely failed to know a lot regarding it as well as our team thank her for attempting. When our experts obtained the check, our experts additionally acquired an unexpected shock. She highlighted a big suction sealed plastic bag of the marinara sauce coming from what appeared to be directly coming from their food vendor. Our team really did not get the recipe yet our team sure received a sizable quantity of sauce to bring home. It performs pay to ask and also while you might or even might not acquire a dish straight you certainly never recognize what could happen I guess.

There are actually of course a good amount of books, numerous short articles on the internet and also countless websites all professing either accessibility to or even possessing on their own, bistro keys and also copycats dishes for many preferred American restaurants. Whew, it type of makes my head rotate a little, however in purchase to aid me achieve this pursuit of mine it has actually deserved the effort. Numerous sites are actually highly recommending the exact same key original resources (recipe cyberpunks) of the imitation or even copycats recipes as well as in my knowledge this is actually commonly an excellent tip as an affordable location to start.

Lots of opportunities they receive also additionally in to it and also begin industrying their initiatives to produce some extra profit. It might be the result of a pal or family members member that joys all of them on, but if it is carried out well and also the top quality is actually there certainly, it frequently times sees adequate focus to make it worth the although.

I have been actually attempting out some of these counterfeit bistro dishes sources as well as have actually been definitely amazed. My journey is actually to conserve some loan of program, but making some of these recipes is actually also an excellent technique to learn just how to prepare. Believe concerning it for a 2nd, one can actually know just how to prepare an appetiser, entre or dessert that they recognize is good at their favorite restaurant and also acquire fantastic end results for their attempt right out of the gateway.

Ought to you obtain the desire to attempt these duplicate or even secret dishes of the restaurants, I presume you will be actually much more than pleasantly startled. I understand I have actually been. If you wish to spare some funds, learn exactly how to prepare or even merely to find one of your beloved dining establishment recipes, you will not lament it.

I have actually not made an effort any of the "700 FREE bistro recipes" kind of sources online. It is really rather amazing what some have featured along with the recipe manuals they are promoting.

As with everything, do take some time to evaluate just before creating any purchase certainly, once you do obtain your feets wet possess some enjoyable and also be actually prepared to become surprised with the end results.

When franchising, various sort of help are available. Independent restaurants are reasonably simple to open. All you require is a few thousand dollars, a knowledge of dining establishment functions, and also a tough need to.

Unless our routines and flavor modification dramatically, there is actually a lot of area for private restaurants in specific locations. Restaurants go and happen.

The moment tiny chains present growth and also attraction, they are probably to be gotten through a much larger business or is going to manage to obtain lending for development. A temptation for the starting restaurateur is actually to monitor huge restaurants in large areas and also to think that their success may be reproduced in additional areas. Going through the restaurant evaluates in New York City, Las Vegas, Los Angeles, Chicago, Washington, D.C., or even San Francisco might give the perception that uncommon restaurants can easily be actually duplicated in Des Moines, Kansas City, or Main Town, USA. These cultural or high-style restaurants will not click in little cities as well as cities due to the fact that of demographics.

Will certainly go for training from the base up and also deal with all areas of the bistro's function Franchising involves the minimum economic danger in that the dining establishment format, including building menu, advertising, and layout programs, actually have been checked in the marketplace. Franchise restaurants are less very likely to go stomach up than independent restaurants.

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wildlyhardphilosopher-blog · 5 years

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potty training my dog | training a puppy

New Post has been published on https://dogtraining.dknol.com/english/potty-training-my-dog-training-a-puppy/?utm_source=Tumblr&utm_medium=Tumblr+%230+Freda+K+Pless&utm_campaign=SNAP%2Bfrom%2BBest+Dog+Training

potty training my dog | training a puppy

Puppy training schedule… more training at 2-3 months 60 Breeds-Extinction in the Conformation Sport Search START Pippa Mattinson is the best selling author of several books on dogs. She is the founder of the Labrador Site and a regular contributor. She is passionate about helping people enjoy their Labradors and lives in Hampshire with her husband and four dogs. 4. Fill out the details on the next page. You will need to the email address of your friend or family member. It’s important to begin puppy training as early as possible to avoid your dog developing bad habits that can be hard to lose later on. Solve your dog’s behavior issue quickly using our tried and true techniques. This also trains you to see that accidents are not the dogs fault. If the dog is leashed to you/in the same room as you, and still having accidents, then there’s no way you can be angry at the dog, because you are not paying enough attention! Being angry at your dog or punishing him just for relieving himself (no matter if you consider it to be in the ‘wrong’ place) is detrimental to his learning, and your relationship with him, so this is an important part of the process. 5 Tips On Crate Training: The Nice Way To Crate A Puppy The Testing Phase – Once you’re sure that your Dog has achieved almost 90% success….he responds correctly almost every time you give a command, you must start testing his accuracy in newer locations with a lot of distractions. Alexa Parsons Bark Control Anxiety Wrap (1) 952-894-5100 RSM Canine Transportation It’s normal for a young puppy to be a little ‘input-output’ machine. Since puppies are growing and developing rapidly, they eat food often, burn up lots of energy and seem to need to eliminate constantly! They also have not yet developed bowel and bladder control, so they can’t ‘hold it’. Plastic (27) Art Vet’s Best Comfort Calm Soft Chews Dog Supplement, 30 count Training Systems Catnip Toys Software Write in scheduled sleeps for your puppy, place them in the crate or confinement area. You should also consider the Big Barker 7-inch Pillow Top Orthopedic dog bed , the Brindle Waterproof Designer Memory Foam dog bed , the Coolaroo Elevated Dog Bed , or the PetFusion Ultimate Dog Bed & Lounge . 10 Easy to Make DIY Dog Toys How to prevent and resolve common puppy issues like nipping, inappropriate chewing, excessive barking, and jumping up. Avoid using physical punishment. Studies have shown that physically punishing your puppy (like hitting, kicking, growling, or staring down) actually increases aggression in your puppy.[7] You should never use physical punishment to correct undesirable puppy behavior. Load more Cool Dog Tricks Step by Step Guide to Groom Puppies Like the Pros It’s best to use confinement to teach your dog that he has to wait to go to the bathroom outside the house. You can do this by purchasing a crate, so the puppy has just enough space to turn around and lie down. Another alternative, if possible, is to keep the puppy by your side at all times while clipped to a four- to six-foot leash. All the wonderful fall colours🍂. . A lovely day with my gal @nuhdean 💕📸 . . . #puppysit #furbaby #friends #puppy #puppylove #stanleypark #vancouver #vancity #dogsofig #dog #minigoldendoodle #goldendoodle #doodle #love #fall #bff Dog and His Fuzzy Purple Hippo Must Be Adopted Together, Shelter Says Train your puppy: How to sit See all 31 customer reviews Holidays If you go out to work during the day and are planning to leave your puppy alone for more than an hour or two, you’ll need to let your puppy go to the bathroom indoors, and we’ll be looking at the best way to do that and still end up with a house trained dog. [email protected] List unavailable. Search Scoop Away Treats should be small (about the size of your pinky fingernail), and you will need at least three to five treats for each potty break. All Blog Posts We love our dogs and we want to do right by them. While there are numerous benefits to owners in having a well-behaved, obedient dog, there are surprising benefits to the dog as well—one of which is the potential of a significant improvement in both the quality and length of your dog’s life. Good training is enriching, mentally stimulating, and gives them a sense of control over their environment. But how do we know which training path to take when there is so much conflicting advice? How do we make sure we’re not doing more harm than good? DentaLife Four Cues Every Dog Should Know Design My puppy keeps biting my foot everytime I walk and even pulls my clothes. I have several wounds already. What should I do? Voted Best Training in Denver 2014-2018. Self-Publish with Us 29.97 Let’s Keep In Touch Dog Facts You and your dog will receive at-home, personalized, one-on-one training from one of our highly skilled trainers. Fish Food Nickel is a wonderful pet who barks loudly at other dogs and many people including our neighbors. I wanted help controlling some of this behavior without using aggressive or negative reinforcement techniques. I had previously been through other forms of training with Nickel. Ruth Skinner taught my husband and I how to communicate with Nickel in a… more Special Offers Ad feedback Ways to Give Echo How to Potty Train Remember, the more frequently a dog is rewarded for a behavior, the more frequently they will practice that behavior! Now he’s ready to practice with you standing up! Follow the same steps, but if he tries to snatch the less tasty treat, cover it with your foot. Diapers, Liners, & Garments The course is in English. In 1935, the American Kennel Club began obedience trials, and in the following years popular magazines raised public awareness of the benefits of having a trained pet dog, and of the recreational possibilities of dog training as a hobby.[17] After WWII, the increasing complexities of suburban living demanded that for a pet dog’s own protection and its owner’s convenience, the dog should be obedient. William Koehler had served as principal trainer at the War Dog Training Center, in California, and after the war became chief trainer for the Orange Empire Dog Club—at the time, the largest dog club in the United States—instructor for a number of breed clubs, and a dog trainer for the Walt Disney Studios.[18] In 1962 Koehler published The Koehler Method of Dog Training, in which he is highly critical of what he calls “tid-bit training techniques” based in “the prattle of ‘dog psychologists'”.[17] Amongst the training innovations attributed to Koehler is the use of a long line in conjunction with a complete absence of oral communication as a way of instilling attentiveness prior to any leash training. Koehler insisted that participants in his training classes used “emphatic corrections”, including leash jerks and throw chains, explaining that tentative, nagging corrections were cruel in that they caused emotional disturbance to the dog.[19] Vicki Hearne, a disciple of Koehler’s, commented on the widespread criticism of his corrections, with the explanation that it was the emotionally loaded language used in the book that led to a number of court cases, and to the book being banned in Arizona for a time.[20] Despite the controversy, his basic method forms the core of many contemporary training systems.[21] Clothes & Costumes Tweet Dog Training Infographic Teach “Go Potty” Command: Shy Pups Pets 101 toggle menu Don’t forget dog walkers and pet sitters. Whenever possible, a well-qualified, insured dog walker or pet sitter (or even, in some cases, a responsible and trusted friend/neighbor) is a better alternative to piddle pad training. It’s always best to give your dog plenty of opportunities to eliminate outside. Provide rules, boundaries, limitations How To Start Your Dog Peeing In The Yard Mobile App Learning how to potty train a puppy can be a challenge. But there is a way to train dogs with great success. This way accidents will be few and your new puppy will know what to do within only a few days of housetraining. Training dogs to stop using the floor to relieve themselves is important. Teaching your puppy good potty habits is the basis for a trusting and loving relationship between you and your new family member. For Vets Tidy Cats® Make Bunny Vets and Supply Locations Make a Reservation AUTHOR Android Keep your puppy from nipping. Puppies are naturally playful and have to learn limits when it comes to playing rough. As soon as your puppy nips, say “ouch” and yelp. Ignore your dog for up to 20 seconds after it lets go of your hand. This will teach your dog that you won’t tolerate rough play.[6] Don’t be alarmed if your puppy sounds distressed – leaving its mother is a big life change. “Bringing a puppy home is super-exciting for the family but perhaps less so for the puppy, so it’s your role to ensure [the transition] is as stress-free and happy as it can be,” says Claire. Talk to your puppy quietly so it becomes used to your voice, and try not to smother it with attention. Your puppy may cry at night at first and it can be upsetting to listen to, but leave lights off and try to avoid letting your puppy sleep with you or your kids, unless you’re prepared to have an adult dog on your bed for the next 15 years. Also, you must test your dog once in awhile. As they grow, the duration for how long your puppy will be able to hold it in will increase. Testing this can go well if you’re patient and careful. But if you’re not, remember accidents will happen. When your dog is a year or so, expect them to have few accidents, if any.

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fbq('track', 'ViewContent', content_ids: 'dogtraining.dknol', ); Set Up Find by Brand Name Kiss My Mutt Priority Code on Everyday Items Book A Seminar Adopting from a breeder Brochure Who will train my and care for my dog? Professor Donaldson shows various techniques out in the field as she puts the wait command to the test at a dog park. Watch and learn as she adds in distraction, distance, and duration for more of a challenge. She provides valuable tips to help transition practicing the same lessons in an unfamiliar environment. x Puppy Training: A Step-by-Step Guide to Crate Training, Potty Training, and Obedience Training Kindle Edition MRSA Survivors Network Purina ONE® Control the Diet Feeding Accessories Food Food Storage Snacks & Treats Vitamins & Supplements Register a Litter cat toy balls Police Scanner History Science Innovation Arts & Culture Travel Puppy Obedience Training Your dog will pick up cues from the tone of your voice. If you’re saying things like “Good girl,” “That’s what I’m looking for,” “Nice job,” in a quiet, loving, calm tone immediately after she goes, you’re reinforcing that behavior. If using umbilical cord training: Attach a leash and tether your puppy to you, ready to react if they make moves to eliminate. Take them to their bathroom spot at the scheduled time. Canna-Pet® Max Medical Conditions Feed your puppy their meals in the crate. If your puppy is still nervous about entering the crate, place the bowl closer to the opening for the first feeding and gradually move it farther into the crate. (107) Professor Donaldson shows various techniques out in the field as she puts the wait command to the test at a dog park. Watch and learn as she adds in distraction, distance, and duration for more of a challenge. She provides valuable tips to help transition practicing the same lessons in an unfamiliar environment. x Sarah Richardson, PhD, CPDT-KA, CDBC, CSAT, is the owner of The Canine Connection, a boarding, training, and daycare facility in Chico, California. Over the past 12 years, she and some of her assistant trainers have often modeled for photos that illustrate articles in WDJ, but this is the first article that Richardson has written for WDJ! how to teach a puppy to catch a frisbee | Everything you Need to be Prepared for your New Puppy! how to teach a puppy to catch a frisbee | How to Get Your UNFOCUSED Dog to LISTEN to You RIGHT NOW! (“Leave it”/”Look at Me” Combo) how to teach a puppy to catch a frisbee | Choosing The Greatest Puppy For Your Life Legal | Sitemap

#Puppy Training Classes Near Me #training puppy not to bark

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jeannejcooper76 · 6 years

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35 eCommerce Growth Hacks

Hi, and welcome to the March 2019 blog post here on AidanBooth.com!

This month I’m sharing 35 eCommerce Growth Hacks, and content comes courtesy of Online Marketing Classroom (OMC), the membership program Steve and I run (which Steve started way back in 2008).

OMC is built around six core pillars:

In addition to updating our members with new content and strategies every month, we also provide exclusive access to custom in-house tools, special discounts, and are involved every day in the OMC community.

We’re incredibly proud of what OMC has become over the past 11 years. To find out more, go here: https://onlinemarketingclassroom.com

Now, on to this month’s content!

The content today is aimed at helping eCommerce stores perform better. We’ve got 35 different tactics for you to consider, and implementing even just a few of them could result in huge gains for your business, or be the difference between success and failure.

The tactics below add to one another, and the synergy helps your business scale in a way not possible with just a single marketing method. This is about taking an asset you already have and turning it into something much more valuable (and profitable).

With that in mind, let’s jump right in…

1. Encourage User Generated Content

86% of millennials report User Generated Content indicates brand quality. Before making a purchase, 68% of users age 18 – 24 take the social media presence of the brand into consideration. ComScore reports the ROI as very high, with brand engagement rising by 28% when user-generated content is combined with brand marketing.

User Generated Content is as it sounds; any sort of content that’s created by users (customers/fans/etc). This may be photos, videos, blog posts, social media posts and so on. The important thing is that it’s created about the brand by someone other than the brand. It’s a 3rd party endorsement.

How to get it?

The best way is by incentivizing customers with some type of reward, such as cash, gift cards, products or simply exposure on your Brand’s website, fan page or in the newsletter.

Run a contest where customers post pictures of themselves using the product to their social media pages with a specific hashtag you specify. Winners can be drawn randomly or chosen by other users.

Sometimes you don’t even have to offer an incentive, you can just ask. Yoga brand Lululemon ran a campaign with hashtag #thesweatlife, asking customers to post pictures of themselves “getting their sweat on”. 7,000 photos were collected in only a couple of months, and the page they created at #sweatlife got 40,000+ visits.

2. Launch Stores on Multiple Platforms (eBay & Facebook)

Once your primary eCommerce store is up and running, you can expand fairly easily by using your existing images and product copy to set up shop on other marketplace platforms such as eBay and Facebook. As of this writing there are 168 million active buyers on eBay and Facebook marketplace is used by 800 million people monthly.

Selling on these platforms doesn’t require you to send inventory to their warehouse. You only need to put a few additional logistics in place to handle fulfillment, making this a fast method to bring massive revenue growth.

These plugins and resources will help:

Shopify eBay Plugin

Woocommerce eBay Plugin

BigCommerce eBay Plugin

Shopify Facebook – Accepting applications for integration HERE

BigCommerce Facebook Marketplace plugin

3. Tap Into The Massive Reddit Community

Reddit users are notorious for hating marketers… which is actually good news.

Every so often a business owner “cracks the code” to gaining trust in the Reddit community and is rewarded with the “blue ocean” that exists there (very little to no competition, but lots of opportunity).

Reddit is the 7th highest trafficked site on the internet. There are 234 million unique users, and it gets 8 billion page views a month. This is a community that rewards you with intense loyalty and lots of sales when you tap into it properly.

The key is to take the time and effort to establish yourself as a trusted community member first. You gain “karma points” on your profile as you contribute value and get upvotes. With enough upvotes, and some emotional intelligence, you can then make useful recommendations that get people over to your website.

That does not mean you suddenly switch from helpful community member into hype-filled marketer. Reddit users hate clickbait and anything that sounds scammy. To get results, be completely genuine and recommend products in the same way you would as if speaking to a personal friend in real life.

4. Incentivize Shoppers with Rewards Programs

Credit card companies have known for quite some time the power of rewards to get cardholders spending as much as possible. Other industries are starting to see the benefits of incorporating this as well, and several apps have been created to execute this on eCommerce shopping platforms.

Shoppers will often buy just to get a reward, and this works to your favor not just on initial purchases but for gaining repeat business as well. People don’t want to “lose” points they’ve already earned, so when conflicted between two similar stores, they’ll usually choose the one they have points at already.

As for incentives, the tried and true “punch card” method where each purchase brings them closer to the reward is just as effective as ever.

Another option is to offer cash rewards (ie $10 cash back for every $100 spent) or points good toward store credit or gift cards.

There are many apps on the marketplace that make it easy to set up Rewards programs for customers.

Below are the highest rated apps for:

Shopify

BigCommerce

5. Automate Social Posting

Why is it that some businesses get huge traction and sales from social media and others don’t, even when they’re in the same industry?

A survey conducted with social media users found that consistency is a major component of what causes a person to follow a brand or not. Frequency is also important. The more often you’re in front of your target demographic, the more memorable and trusted your brand is.

The problem is it takes time to come up with content and post it every day. It’s difficult to maintain when you have so many other daily tasks.

That’s why it’s best to batch your social media content creation and get it all set up in advance so that it’s automatically posting on a regular schedule.

Social media automation tools such as Buffer and Hootsuite are useful to schedule all the content in advance.

6. Customize Website for International Shoppers

If you’re able to ship internationally, your conversions will get a major boost from having a version of your website specifically for users of that country.

This is obviously even more important if they speak a different language. Rather than using a browser extension to translate the site and trying to figure out if the item they want really does ship to their location, users immediately feel confident they can purchase from you.

You can use a translation service like Gengo for the text on your website, or post a translation job on Upwork.

Then implement a tool on your website that detects users’ location and automatically displays the correct version:

For Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/geolocation-redirect

For BigCommerce: https://geotargetly.com/geo-redirect

You’ll want to display prices in the local currency as well, which can be done with an app:

Shopify & BigCommerce Multi-Currency

7. Grow Profits Over Time From Continuous Split Testing

An A/B test, also called a split test, is showing 50% of your website visitors one version of a webpage and the other 50% an alternate version where something has been changed, then measuring to see which has a higher conversion rate.

The aim of an A/B test is to bring you more revenue from the same amount of traffic, by increasing the conversion rate of your product pages, checkout process and other assets in the sales funnel. Doing this can open opportunities to acquire customers you previously weren’t able to because the cost was prohibitive. Or, it can simply increase your profit margin.

Although you will build your website with the goal of optimizing it for a high conversion rate off the bat, there are some things you can’t be sure are producing the highest conversion rate possible until you test it. For some businesses, they’re surprised at the winning variable in a split test because all the “experts” told them a different format was better.

Not only that, but the online world is constantly evolving. What worked well a few years (or even a few months) ago may be a conversion-killer now. If you’re continually testing, you’ll gain the edge over competitors who aren’t willing to invest the time.

You’ll get the most benefit from split testing:

The offer

Headline text

The call-to-action

Buttons – the shape, color, size

Images

Videos

Testimonials

Bullets and other body copy

Other social proof elements such as certificates, security badges, partner logos, etc.

The navigation options – sometimes having no or few navigational elements increases conversion by keeping people focused on the offer, other times sales go up when visitors have easy access to review other pages on the website before purchasing.

The checkout process – many sales are lost during checkout, so it’s wise to put a lot of focus on optimizing here.

8. Create a Personality For Your Company

Although it’s always been true that consumers connect better with people than faceless corporations, it’s more important today than ever before. Whether or not a company seems genuine and authentic was recently found to be one of the major decision factors when purchasing.

This doesn’t necessarily mean your brand has to have an actual person as a brand representative for customers to connect with. That is one option, but it can be as simple as just making sure your brand itself has a personality.

Brand personality is expressed through the language you use in headlines, body copy, emails and social media content. It’s also expressed through colors, images, logos and so on.

For this reason, having a deep understanding of who your demographic is pays off in a big way. When a customer can relate to the personality traits they feel a brand has, it creates emotional connection and rapport.

9. Welcome Controversial Topics to Generate Discussion

Controversy brings a lot of attention, and attention brings a lot of sales.

There are risks to taking a stand on controversial topics of course, but if you know your audience well and are willing to lose a small percentage of followers, with the added benefit of higher loyalty from those remaining, then it can be well worth it.

Understanding your audience is crucial if you’re going to attempt this. You obviously wouldn’t build a following of animal lovers and then announce support of hunting. However, you can take a stand on important issues within the community, such as being against a particular pet behavior training method, bringing attention as well as loyalty from those with a similar view.

You can also tap into trending controversial topics using a playful method that’s not necessarily polarizing.

As long as you are brave enough, you can attract attention just by being a bit cheeky. Such as, in the middle of a heated political campaign, posting that both candidates would be in a better mood if they had used your company’s travel pillow on their flight. It may be cheesy, and you’ll likely get some snarky responses, but you won’t be complaining about the high open rates, shares, comments and sales that result.

10. Remind Shoppers of Wishlist Items via Email

Shoppers have a tendency to add items to their wishlist and then completely forget about them. Since keeping in touch with customers and subscribers often is important for top of mind awareness anyway, you have the dual benefit of having a reason to follow up that simultaneously is a sales oriented email.

If you use Shopify, there’s an app that automatically sends follow-up emails reminding shoppers of Wishlist items:

https://apps.shopify.com/wishlist-followup

11. Proactively Collect Product Reviews

Customers rarely leave product reviews on their own without a reminder. The exception is when they’re unhappy! That means you need to be proactive about gathering positive reviews, as they have a significant effect on sales. BrightLocal found that 85% of shoppers trust internet reviews as they would a personal recommendation.

To gather reviews, the most effective methods are by:

Including a product insert in the package that asks customers to leave a review, and include the URL where they can post it.

Sending an email reminder. Yotpo is a good app for automating this. A few weeks after a purchase, Yotpo automatically sends an email to customers asking them to rate/review. It even allows customers to write the review in an email response, which it then posts to the correct product listing.

Yotpo for Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/yotpo-social-reviews Yotpo for BigCommerce: https://www.bigcommerce.com/apps/yotpo-social-reviews

Consider the timing of your review reminders as far as how long it takes to process and deliver the product, and how much time the customer needs in order to use it and see results. You don’t want to ask someone for a review before they’ve even received or used the product.

12. Guest Post for Exposure

Guest posting is known as a popular method for gathering links that help your website rank in the search engines. However, if you connect with popular bloggers in your niche who have high engagement from their followers, you’ll see immediate traffic and sales from your guest posts.

Guestpost.com is a good place to connect with influencers. It helps you find websites in your niche that accept guest posts, keep track of where you’ve submitted posts, and includes email templates for cold outreach to websites you’d like to be published on. It also provides tools for analyzing the stats of a website so you aren’t wasting time creating content for sites with low readership.

13. Use Live Chat to Close Sales

When a shopper can’t find an immediate answer to their questions, they often become frustrated and with alternative websites being only a few clicks away, it’s easy to lose potential customers to a competitor who has what they need.

79% of customers prefer live chat support over other channels because it’s the fastest option.

Adding live chat to your website makes shoppers feel like they’re in a ‘real’ store, able to get their questions answered by shop assistants.

You don’t have to be chained to your website 24/7 to implement this though. You can either set specific chat support hours, and/or use an app that allows you to answer questions from your cell phone.

SumoMe shared a live chat trick for gathering more leads while you’re away from the chat. They included an auto-response when not available to answer questions that said:

They found it was a highly effective way to collect email addresses compare to the default of asking the person to submit their inquiry into the chat box along with email address that you’ll respond to during normal support hours. Just the slight change in words significantly improved the number of leads collected.

We’ve analyzed the live chat options available to find those that integrate well with popular eCommerce platforms and are highly rated specifically by eCommerce store owners.

LiveChat provides great value for eCommerce entrepreneurs. They have a ticketing system, goal tracking, and thorough analytics. They integrate with the most popular shopping platforms, including Shopify and BigCommerce.

Tidio is another option, and has recently added several convenient features for Shopify stores such as automatically checking the status of an order, product availability and delivery locations. The satisfaction rate from Shopify users is higher than for BigCommerce, as these features are currently only available for Shopify stores.

Chatra is a good choice if you’re on a budget, as they have a free plan for solo entrepreneurs. The paid version allows for multiple support agents. It integrates with Slack, Google Analytics, and you can reply to support requests with the mobile app available on Android and iOS.

14. Wow Customers With Handwritten Thank You Cards

Sending personalized, handwritten thank you cards to customers is a huge satisfaction and loyalty booster that gets customers not only returning to buy again, but giving you free advertising by spreading the word to friends and family.

Donors Choose, a non-profit collecting donations for public school classroom projects, tried this method and were able to get 38% of donors returning to give a second donation. The donation amount also increased by an average of $41, resulting in an extra $3 million in donations per year.

Luckily you don’t need to write these cards yourself. You can use a service called Thankbot, which automates the writing and sending of (handwritten) cards for you.

15. Recapture Shoppers With Exit Intent Popups

It’s a fact in the online business world that most visitors to your website will leave without making a purchase. Since traffic can be expensive to obtain, you want to do everything possible to get the sale or at least contact info before losing the visitor.

The top priority location to focus on is checkout abandonment. These are not just random browsers you’re losing; they’re buyers. Adding an exit intent pop here with a discount coupon and satisfaction guarantee reminder is fast and easy to put in place, and will immediately start recouping sales for you.

An exit intent popup is triggered when the visitor takes an action that indicates they may close the page, such as rapid mouse movement toward the browser search bar or exit. This isn’t the same as the old school popups that appear ‘after’ a visitor closes the page.

The popular exit-intent popup software options on the market today are:

Bounce Breaker (created by Steve and I)

SumoMe

Bounce Exchange

Gleam

16. Personalize Homepage For a Conversion Boost

Amazon does a great job of personalizing the homepage; they’re a perfect example to model.

Your sales will definitely go up by using personalization that displays items similar to what someone has purchased or viewed previously. Reminding viewers of products they looked at previously but haven’t bought yet will get a certain percentage of visitors finalizing that purchase.

With the tools available today, you don’t need advanced coding skills to do this. You can use Evergage or Bunting to get it done without being tech savvy.

17. Make Use of FOMO to get Shoppers Buying Immediately

The fear of missing out on something is a strong psychological drive that repeatedly has been proven to get people to take an action rather than procrastinate.

The easiest method to create this in your marketing is by using scarcity in your sales funnel and other marketing creatives.

This can be done by displaying remaining inventory (“only 3 left”), executing a deadline where customers no longer get a discount or bonus after the timer runs out, and using social proof apps to show shoppers that other people are looking at the item and they may lose it if others buy it before they do.

Inventory Remaining Shopify app: https://apps.shopify.com/pressure-cooker

Countdown timer Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/powr-countdown-timer

Countdown timer & low stock alert Bigcommerce: https://www.bigcommerce.com/apps/countdown-cart/

Social proof urgency app for Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/social-proof-urgency

18. Fix Browser Bugs & Incompatibilities

You could be losing many sales simply because your website either doesn’t display the formatting correctly on certain browsers, or has browser bugs.

One way to quickly spot issues is by going to your Google Analytics report at Audience > Technology > Browser & OS report.

Then, look for browsers that are converting at a lower rate than the others. You may see that IE 10 is converting 3% higher than IE 11, and Firefox 63 is converting higher than Firefox 60.

You can then use a tools such as BrowserStack, CrossBrowserTesting or Browserling to view your website in different browsers and see what the problem is.

Prioritize which to fix first based on the amount of missed revenue (usually highest traffic). Assume that the underperforming version would convert the same as the other and use that to estimate. This can also help you see if it’s worth paying a developer to fix the issue (it may take a few months to recoup the investment).

19. Optimize Input Fields on Checkout For Easy Ordering

Shopping is fun… until it’s time to fill out several lengthy forms. The longer a checkout process is, and the more fields a shopper has to enter, the higher likelihood they’ll abandon.

Make checkout quick and easy by minimizing the amount of information required to complete the order.

Also make use of autofill on forms where it’s allowed such as name, email, address, phone number and other fields that don’t pose any security or privacy threat.

20. Make Returns Easy

As much as people love shopping online, the inconvenience of paying return shipping or restocking fees if the product doesn’t meet expectations or isn’t the right fit is a bit nerve wracking. This fear can prevent purchases.

Do whatever you can to at least pay return shipping; it’s good business. If you can avoid restocking fees, that is best as well.

More than 50% of store shoppers will read the return policy before making a purchase, so be sure it’s easily accessible on all pages, as well as understandable and concise.

21. Satisfy Shoppers “Want it Now” Mentality With Fast Shipping

“Retailers should never underestimate the ‘want it now’ mentality. If customers know that they will receive goods quickly when they order, they’ll keep coming back.” Graham Charlton – Clickz Global

We’ve grown accustomed to getting whatever we want, and getting it fast. Slow shipping will deter customers nowadays. The faster you can get the customer their item, the easier you’ll win them over. It may eat into your margins a bit, but it will pay off.

This is possible even if you’re doing dropshipping. You can now find US suppliers on AliExpress, using a new search filter available:

22. Use Shipping Boxes to Promote Your Brand

There are numerous opportunities for your brand to be seen between the time it’s packaged and the time the customer opens it. For instance, sitting on the ground outside the recipient’s house, dorm room, or apartment. Posted on social media because customer’s pets are playing in the empty box. On top of the counter at FedEx waiting for pickup.

With a clever logo, tagline and website URL, this is an excellent free marketing technique that can bring in new customers.

23. Write a Solution-Focused SEO Title to Maximize Traffic

When someone types an inquiry into a search engine, they’re looking for a solution to something. Perhaps they’re just looking for a suit, but that suit is a solution to something they need. Their “problem” is they need to look dressed up for a particular occasion. By turning your headlines into solutions, you’ll get searchers clicking over to your website instead of competitors:

24. Prove Popularity with Social Proof Apps

Let’s face it… when you see a crowd of people looking at something the natural urge is to look too.

When one restaurant is packed and the other empty, you assume the packed restaurant must be the best and go there.

On the internet you can showcase how popular your website and products are via social proof apps that simulate this experience by popping up a message to website visitors when another visitor subscribes or purchases a product.

Social proof apps such as https://useproof.com/ provide an average conversion lift of 10% and can be set up in 15 minutes or less.

25. Find and Fix Duplicate Content

Duplicate content is extremely common on eCommerce sites, mostly caused by:

Search Filter Combinations

Product Descriptions

Title Tags

You can utilize the free version of Screaming Frog software to identify duplicate content issues on your website.

26. Prevent Chargebacks

Chargebacks are very expensive and can be costing your business a lot of money. Not only do you lose the amount of the original purchase, but you have to pay a fee on top of that.

Most chargebacks happen either because customers don’t recognize the charge on their card, or because their card was stolen and used fraudulently.

Here’s how to combat these issues:

Make sure the name that appears on your customer’s bank statement matches the name of your brand/store. The more irrelevant the name appearing on their statement is to what your store sells, the more likely you’ll get a chargeback.

If you do any recurring billing, remind customers ‘before’ their recurring payment is charged. Remind them what name will appear on their bank statement as well.

Remind customers what name will appear on their bank statement on the order form, ‘and’ in the product receipt.

Provide exceptional customer service always, and solve unhappy customers problems quickly and thoroughly (make sure they’re happy before closing the ticket).

Learn how to spot fraud and review it immediately. If you get a fraud alert because an order came in with a different shipping address or name than the billing information, follow up on it and call the customer to verify if you have any suspicions about it.

27. Have a Professional Customer Support Desk in Place

Nothing makes customers more nervous than a “support system” consisting of a free email address with no ticket # or auto-reply confirming receipt of support inquiries. These little things can really make customers apprehensive and hurt your business.

It’s great to be a startup, but you want your customers to feel comfortable and happy with their shopping experience so you can grow. There are free and low-cost options available such as FreshDesk (Steve and I use this) that help you look professional even when on a budget.

28. Use Multiple Suppliers

Imagine one of your products is extremely popular and bringing you sales every day… then your supplier runs out of stock and you can’t sell anymore!

It’s good to have a backup supplier to keep the sales coming in and avoid stock-outs. Your profit margin may be a bit smaller as you won’t benefit from quantity discounts, but a sale at a lower profit is better than no sale at all (and better than causing frustration to customers who want the item and can’t get it).

It also makes sure YOU stay in business even if your supplier doesn’t.

29. Get in Front of Trends to Catch Big Sales Waves

Trendy products spike in sales quickly and die just as fast… if you aren’t in early, you miss out on the big money. However, doing the work to find the next hot product requires a lot of time and boring manual tasks.

Rather than spending hours researching and trying to figure out the next hot product on your own, you can use a tool like Trendosaur or Terrapeak to quickly spot what’s about to become popular, allowing you to get in before everyone else.

30. Easily Expand Product Line via Dropshipping

Having a vast product selection makes your company appear larger and provides you opportunity to gain additional sales via cross-selling and upselling.

eCommerce giant Amazon implemented dropshipping in 2011, and the dropshipped products made up 34% of sold merchandise that year.

Since sourcing your own product takes quite a bit of time, upfront capital and risk, you can add a selection of new products using the dropshipping method. Once one or more of those start selling a lot, you can then work to manufacture it on your own with the security of knowing in advance that it will sell.

31. Create Limited-Edition Bundles

Introduce true scarcity into your store to create an immediate surge of sales, tapping into FOMO and helping keep the reputation of your brand high by proving that limited really means limited.

Consumers are aware that urgency and advertisements of limited quantities are not always true. By adding limited-edition bundles that actually sell out and disappear, it keeps the rest of your scarcity and urgency elements (that may be on a recurring/resetting timer) effective.

32. Automate Tedious Time-Consuming Tasks

You can save dozens (even hundreds) of hours per month on repetitive tedious tasks by using apps such as Dropified, which allow you to:

Import products from AliExpress and other suppliers (1-Click Import Products to your Shopify, Commerce HQ or WooCommerce store. Directly import from sites AliExpress, AliBaba, eBay, Walmart, Costco, Wish, Etsy, SammyDress and many others.)

Easily create dynamic product descriptions

Edit images within the app

Quickly find suppliers who have e-packet shipping available

Automatically orders all bundled products together at the same time

Gives you access to a list of US product vendors. (For dropshippers selling in the US this helps you get products to your customers faster. The list includes 10,000 products that ship from the US.)

This particular app is unfortunately not available for BigCommerce, however there is a similar service that works on WooCommerce called ShopMaster.

33. Capture Lost Sales With Back in Stock Notifications

Very little annoys customers more than an item being out of stock… and they’ll usually just leave and order it elsewhere.

Luckily you can help combat stock-outs with the multiple suppliers tip offered earlier. However for those cases when you still can’t do anything about it, there is one thing you can do to potentially recapture the sale later. You can send an email to the person as soon as it’s back in stock again.

There’s an app called “Back In Stock”, which collects emails and sends automatic emails with an order button as soon as the item is restocked.

For Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/back-in-stock

For BigCommerce: https://www.bigcommerce.com/apps/instocknotify/

34. Push Notification + Abandoned Cart

The ultimate abandoned cart recovery tool is the push notification. It’s best to get acceptance for push notifications earlier in the shopping process by offering a coupon or other incentive to turn it on. Then, if they abandon their cart later, you can trigger the notification to appear directly on the desktop or mobile device.

35. Track Everything

Track more than you think you’ll need, because what you measure you can improve. Make improvements everywhere you can and watch your business grow exponentially.

It also helps keep your motivation up. If you can’t see what’s improving, you may have a false sense of not progressing – when you actually are improving. Keep in mind this doesn’t mean you need to monitor all stats every day (or even every week). It’ll feel good to look back after several months though, and see all the areas that have grown.

35 eCommerce Growth Hacks shared from AidanBooth.com

35 eCommerce Growth Hacks shared from Aileen Batts Blog

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aileenmbatts · 6 years

Text

35 eCommerce Growth Hacks

Hi, and welcome to the March 2019 blog post here on AidanBooth.com!

This month I’m sharing 35 eCommerce Growth Hacks, and content comes courtesy of Online Marketing Classroom (OMC), the membership program Steve and I run (which Steve started way back in 2008).

OMC is built around six core pillars:

We’re incredibly proud of what OMC has become over the past 11 years. To find out more, go here: https://onlinemarketingclassroom.com

Now, on to this month’s content!

With that in mind, let’s jump right in…

1. Encourage User Generated Content

How to get it?

The best way is by incentivizing customers with some type of reward, such as cash, gift cards, products or simply exposure on your Brand’s website, fan page or in the newsletter.

Run a contest where customers post pictures of themselves using the product to their social media pages with a specific hashtag you specify. Winners can be drawn randomly or chosen by other users.

2. Launch Stores on Multiple Platforms (eBay & Facebook)

These plugins and resources will help:

Shopify eBay Plugin

Woocommerce eBay Plugin

BigCommerce eBay Plugin

Shopify Facebook – Accepting applications for integration HERE

BigCommerce Facebook Marketplace plugin

3. Tap Into The Massive Reddit Community

Reddit users are notorious for hating marketers… which is actually good news.

4. Incentivize Shoppers with Rewards Programs

As for incentives, the tried and true “punch card” method where each purchase brings them closer to the reward is just as effective as ever.

Another option is to offer cash rewards (ie $10 cash back for every $100 spent) or points good toward store credit or gift cards.

There are many apps on the marketplace that make it easy to set up Rewards programs for customers.

Below are the highest rated apps for:

Shopify

BigCommerce

5. Automate Social Posting

Why is it that some businesses get huge traction and sales from social media and others don’t, even when they’re in the same industry?

The problem is it takes time to come up with content and post it every day. It’s difficult to maintain when you have so many other daily tasks.

That’s why it’s best to batch your social media content creation and get it all set up in advance so that it’s automatically posting on a regular schedule.

Social media automation tools such as Buffer and Hootsuite are useful to schedule all the content in advance.

6. Customize Website for International Shoppers

If you’re able to ship internationally, your conversions will get a major boost from having a version of your website specifically for users of that country.

You can use a translation service like Gengo for the text on your website, or post a translation job on Upwork.

Then implement a tool on your website that detects users’ location and automatically displays the correct version:

For Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/geolocation-redirect

For BigCommerce: https://geotargetly.com/geo-redirect

You’ll want to display prices in the local currency as well, which can be done with an app:

Shopify & BigCommerce Multi-Currency

7. Grow Profits Over Time From Continuous Split Testing

You’ll get the most benefit from split testing:

The offer

Headline text

The call-to-action

Buttons – the shape, color, size

Images

Videos

Testimonials

Bullets and other body copy

Other social proof elements such as certificates, security badges, partner logos, etc.

The checkout process – many sales are lost during checkout, so it’s wise to put a lot of focus on optimizing here.

8. Create a Personality For Your Company

Brand personality is expressed through the language you use in headlines, body copy, emails and social media content. It’s also expressed through colors, images, logos and so on.

9. Welcome Controversial Topics to Generate Discussion

Controversy brings a lot of attention, and attention brings a lot of sales.

You can also tap into trending controversial topics using a playful method that’s not necessarily polarizing.

10. Remind Shoppers of Wishlist Items via Email

If you use Shopify, there’s an app that automatically sends follow-up emails reminding shoppers of Wishlist items:

https://apps.shopify.com/wishlist-followup

11. Proactively Collect Product Reviews

To gather reviews, the most effective methods are by:

Including a product insert in the package that asks customers to leave a review, and include the URL where they can post it.

Yotpo for Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/yotpo-social-reviews Yotpo for BigCommerce: https://www.bigcommerce.com/apps/yotpo-social-reviews

12. Guest Post for Exposure

13. Use Live Chat to Close Sales

79% of customers prefer live chat support over other channels because it’s the fastest option.

Adding live chat to your website makes shoppers feel like they’re in a ‘real’ store, able to get their questions answered by shop assistants.

SumoMe shared a live chat trick for gathering more leads while you’re away from the chat. They included an auto-response when not available to answer questions that said:

We’ve analyzed the live chat options available to find those that integrate well with popular eCommerce platforms and are highly rated specifically by eCommerce store owners.

14. Wow Customers With Handwritten Thank You Cards

Luckily you don’t need to write these cards yourself. You can use a service called Thankbot, which automates the writing and sending of (handwritten) cards for you.

15. Recapture Shoppers With Exit Intent Popups

The popular exit-intent popup software options on the market today are:

Bounce Breaker (created by Steve and I)

SumoMe

Bounce Exchange

Gleam

16. Personalize Homepage For a Conversion Boost

Amazon does a great job of personalizing the homepage; they’re a perfect example to model.

With the tools available today, you don’t need advanced coding skills to do this. You can use Evergage or Bunting to get it done without being tech savvy.

17. Make Use of FOMO to get Shoppers Buying Immediately

The fear of missing out on something is a strong psychological drive that repeatedly has been proven to get people to take an action rather than procrastinate.

The easiest method to create this in your marketing is by using scarcity in your sales funnel and other marketing creatives.

Inventory Remaining Shopify app: https://apps.shopify.com/pressure-cooker

Countdown timer Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/powr-countdown-timer

Countdown timer & low stock alert Bigcommerce: https://www.bigcommerce.com/apps/countdown-cart/

Social proof urgency app for Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/social-proof-urgency

18. Fix Browser Bugs & Incompatibilities

You could be losing many sales simply because your website either doesn’t display the formatting correctly on certain browsers, or has browser bugs.

One way to quickly spot issues is by going to your Google Analytics report at Audience > Technology > Browser & OS report.

Then, look for browsers that are converting at a lower rate than the others. You may see that IE 10 is converting 3% higher than IE 11, and Firefox 63 is converting higher than Firefox 60.

You can then use a tools such as BrowserStack, CrossBrowserTesting or Browserling to view your website in different browsers and see what the problem is.

19. Optimize Input Fields on Checkout For Easy Ordering

Shopping is fun… until it’s time to fill out several lengthy forms. The longer a checkout process is, and the more fields a shopper has to enter, the higher likelihood they’ll abandon.

Make checkout quick and easy by minimizing the amount of information required to complete the order.

Also make use of autofill on forms where it’s allowed such as name, email, address, phone number and other fields that don’t pose any security or privacy threat.

20. Make Returns Easy

Do whatever you can to at least pay return shipping; it’s good business. If you can avoid restocking fees, that is best as well.

More than 50% of store shoppers will read the return policy before making a purchase, so be sure it’s easily accessible on all pages, as well as understandable and concise.

21. Satisfy Shoppers “Want it Now” Mentality With Fast Shipping

This is possible even if you’re doing dropshipping. You can now find US suppliers on AliExpress, using a new search filter available:

22. Use Shipping Boxes to Promote Your Brand

With a clever logo, tagline and website URL, this is an excellent free marketing technique that can bring in new customers.

23. Write a Solution-Focused SEO Title to Maximize Traffic

24. Prove Popularity with Social Proof Apps

Let’s face it… when you see a crowd of people looking at something the natural urge is to look too.

When one restaurant is packed and the other empty, you assume the packed restaurant must be the best and go there.

Social proof apps such as https://useproof.com/ provide an average conversion lift of 10% and can be set up in 15 minutes or less.

25. Find and Fix Duplicate Content

Duplicate content is extremely common on eCommerce sites, mostly caused by:

Search Filter Combinations

Product Descriptions

Title Tags

You can utilize the free version of Screaming Frog software to identify duplicate content issues on your website.

26. Prevent Chargebacks

Chargebacks are very expensive and can be costing your business a lot of money. Not only do you lose the amount of the original purchase, but you have to pay a fee on top of that.

Most chargebacks happen either because customers don’t recognize the charge on their card, or because their card was stolen and used fraudulently.

Here’s how to combat these issues:

If you do any recurring billing, remind customers ‘before’ their recurring payment is charged. Remind them what name will appear on their bank statement as well.

Remind customers what name will appear on their bank statement on the order form, ‘and’ in the product receipt.

Provide exceptional customer service always, and solve unhappy customers problems quickly and thoroughly (make sure they’re happy before closing the ticket).

27. Have a Professional Customer Support Desk in Place

28. Use Multiple Suppliers

Imagine one of your products is extremely popular and bringing you sales every day… then your supplier runs out of stock and you can’t sell anymore!

It also makes sure YOU stay in business even if your supplier doesn’t.

29. Get in Front of Trends to Catch Big Sales Waves

30. Easily Expand Product Line via Dropshipping

Having a vast product selection makes your company appear larger and provides you opportunity to gain additional sales via cross-selling and upselling.

eCommerce giant Amazon implemented dropshipping in 2011, and the dropshipped products made up 34% of sold merchandise that year.

31. Create Limited-Edition Bundles

Introduce true scarcity into your store to create an immediate surge of sales, tapping into FOMO and helping keep the reputation of your brand high by proving that limited really means limited.

32. Automate Tedious Time-Consuming Tasks

You can save dozens (even hundreds) of hours per month on repetitive tedious tasks by using apps such as Dropified, which allow you to:

Easily create dynamic product descriptions

Edit images within the app

Quickly find suppliers who have e-packet shipping available

Automatically orders all bundled products together at the same time

Gives you access to a list of US product vendors. (For dropshippers selling in the US this helps you get products to your customers faster. The list includes 10,000 products that ship from the US.)

This particular app is unfortunately not available for BigCommerce, however there is a similar service that works on WooCommerce called ShopMaster.

33. Capture Lost Sales With Back in Stock Notifications

Very little annoys customers more than an item being out of stock… and they’ll usually just leave and order it elsewhere.

There’s an app called “Back In Stock”, which collects emails and sends automatic emails with an order button as soon as the item is restocked.

For Shopify: https://apps.shopify.com/back-in-stock

For BigCommerce: https://www.bigcommerce.com/apps/instocknotify/

34. Push Notification + Abandoned Cart

35. Track Everything

Track more than you think you’ll need, because what you measure you can improve. Make improvements everywhere you can and watch your business grow exponentially.

35 eCommerce Growth Hacks shared from AidanBooth.com

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thegloober · 6 years

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23 reasons to upgrade your tech: Making the case for spending approval