#I read my season 1 reflection again

[andivmg]

My experience with Luke (Punz)

CW: toxic relationship, racism, dubious consent

I know in the past i said that i would no longer speak about him publicly, and when talking about my experiences with abuse and emotional mistreatment i begged to keep it anonymous but after reflecting on this for a week and seeing so many incredibly smart and strong women tell their stories. they have given me the strength to say his name.

this is really scary to talk about because of the copious levels of harassment i have received from his fans in the past so if this spreads or gets out of hand i will simply log off.

If you read my last post, i nicknamed him 1.

So aside from everything i said there, there were a lot of things i didn’t include because they would’ve made it obvious that it was him and it could potentially backfire on me so, i’m very afraid to post this. but i’m going to do it scared anyway, because it’s not fair that he gets to just go and live his life worry-free as if he didn’t practically ruin mine.

Because I already made a very lengthy post about him, i won’t include everything i said last time to avoid being redundant but if i repeat myself, please bear with me.

In our year long relationship i had to endure emotional neglect, gaslighting, verbal abuse, one instance where there was dubious consent, and much more.

Starting off at the beginning of our relationship, that’s when i was getting copious amounts of hate and harassment from his fan base (warranted or not), he decided that our relationship must be kept private. he said it was to “protect” me from his fanbase when in reality it was to protect himself. it was so he wouldn’t get all the backlash i was getting. this is funny because one of the things i got called out for was saying the B slur (derogatory term used against mexicans/latinos). I won’t get into the nuances of if i could say it or not as a puertorican because that’s discourse that does not pertain to this specific situation. But you know who definitely can’t say it? A white boy from Massachusetts. When i was getting cancelled for this and getting thousands of tweets calling me names, he decided that was the perfect time to say “I mean you are a b***** aren’t you? my little b*****.” Now, he said this completely unprompted. I was in the process of writing my apology and he just said that. I tell you this because i immediately shut him down and told him that there was no universe in which it was okay for him to say that word and especially not one where he could just call me that. While i was reprimanding him, he was smiling and laughing. he apparently found it amusing to call me a slur. regardless, he gave me a half-assed apology and said he wouldn’t do it again. and he didn’t. but this wasn’t the only time he was weirdly racist to me. this was my first time being in an interracial relationship so i was led to believe that this was normal by all the white people around me at the time. But, sometimes my spanish accent would come out and he would make fun of me and the way i pronounced some words. He also refused to visit me in Puerto Rico when i lived there or come meet my family when i really wanted him to because he “didn’t like the heat” or “it’s dangerous there isn’t it?”. Once, while we were watching season 2 of Bridgerton, he implied that the Sharma sisters were “too dark” for him to be attracted to them. This hurt me because they are brown skinned girls. I am a brown skinned girl. Then this, combined with the fact that he told me once he wasn’t attracted to me made me feel like my skin color was unattractive. These are only a few examples i can think of at the moment, but i’m sure there were more. Our relationship ended in 2022 so some of my memory is a bit hazy. But, I do remember feeling inferior to him throughout the relationship because he was white and I was not. I chalk that up to all the micro aggressions i had to deal with because i had never felt that way around white people before.

Another thing i had to endure was him constantly making me feel like he was embarrassed to be with me. Because i was cancelled, he didn’t want to associate with me too much. He did defend me on multiple occasions, I’ll give him that. But, he only did it because his name was getting dragged in the mud along with mine. Excusing my actions made him look better for being around me. In reality he didn’t really care. Because he was such a big content creator and someone i looked up to professionally, I took his advice as law. He told me to tone down my personality, to keep a low profile, to change things about myself to be more palatable to his audience. The same audience that spoke about me like “The pussy can’t be that good punz please stop defending her”. So i changed a lot of things about myself and my content to better suit what his audience liked. He made me feel like if his audience liked me, he would be public about our relationship and stop hiding it. He told me the reason why he wanted to keep our relationship a secret was because he didn’t want to get hate for it. But this wasn’t true. On my 20th birthday he went to Las Vegas for a twitch rivals event. That night i asked to facetime him to say goodnight and he refused because he was at a hotel room with his friends and he didn’t want them to know that we were together. It was as if my mere presence or the utterance of my name was a source of embarrassment for him. And he didn’t let me forget it. It wasn’t just a public thing at that point. He didn’t want people to know we were together, period. This was devastating to me because I would talk to all my friends about him. I was so proud to be with him and I was just one more problem to him. He made me feel so small and insignificant just because his fans didn’t like me.

He would berate me a lot. Not just due to getting heat online, although he did do that a lot. But in general whenever we would get into an argument or a disagreement he would always call me names like annoying or weird or stupid. He would raise his voice at me if i did something he didn’t like and call me an idiot. And that really hurt, i felt like i couldn’t bring up anything or do anything without getting insulted. If I hadn’t seen him in a few days because he was too busy streaming and i asked to hang out he would call me needy, clingy, and annoying. Granted, he might not have been wrong, but that is not something you say to someone you claim to love. He also insulted me when i was in depressive episodes. I have BPD and at the time i was not being treated properly for it. So, I was all over the place emotionally and he was what i clung to for validation, reassurance, and love. I talked to him when we first started dating about my disorder and told him that if it seemed like something he couldn’t handle that he could opt out of the relationship. I guess he didn’t think it was that bad or something idk because whenever i had really bad depressive episodes, he would tell me I was too sad to hang out with. He said that my sadness was a burden to him. Which would be fair. But, once my mother had a conversation with him about me. She told him that i am someone who needs a lot of love and caring. She said that if he wasn’t willing to put in that kind of effort into a relationship to just leave me alone. He reassured her that he would be there for me no matter what. He told my mother that he would protect me and my heart. He did not. He took all the warnings I gave him and ignored them and then made me feel like I was the problem. And even worse, he would say that i was pretending to be sad to get his attention when he would neglect for days at a time.

There were also some smaller things like the fact that he made me feel really guilty whenever he would spend money on me. Also, he would be really mean about my eating habits. For context, i used to suffer from an eating disorder. I was anorexic and had a really unhealthy relationship with food during high school and my first year of uni. This relationship began when i was recovering from my ED. For me, eating was really hard. So i had certain comfort foods that, while sometimes unhealthy, at least it was something to eat when i didn’t feel like eating anything. He knew this. Yet, whenever i would crave some of these foods he would call me fat. Constantly told me I’d gain weight from eating all that junk food. Saying that to someone with an eating disorder is crazy. Other smaller things were that whenever I would post tiktoks where i was lip syncing or just looking good he would yell at me and say i was looking for attention. Same with Instagram or Twitter whenever i would post photos where I looked hot. He never planned out a single date for us. I would beg him to get me flowers and he did maybe once but i’ll get into that in a bit. He would make fun of me in front of his friends to make himself look better. He let his friends say really degrading things about me in his presence. For example, once when i was showering, i overheard him on a discord call with George and Sapnap and i heard George say “if you don’t go in the shower and have sex with Andi, i will”. Once, when i was really struggling with my legs (for those of you who don’t know, i have arthritis and it’s very painful. at the time i wasn’t diagnosed but i was in a lot of pain) I literally could not walk. I had to beg him to take me to the ER because i didn’t know what was wrong with me. He didn’t want to take me but eventually i convinced him, and while we were there all he did was complain about how long it was taking and that he would have rather been at home streaming. Whenever I would talk about my interests that i was excited about like shows or books he would be incredibly uninterested and say that those things were stupid and he didn’t want to hear about them. I know all of these seem very silly or superficial but cumulatively it was awful.

Now for arguably the most serious thing i’m going to talk about. I want to preface this by saying i am just telling my side of what happened. You can come to your own conclusions about this.

On April 25, 2022 it was our one year anniversary, and i had made a dinner reservation for us. I expected him to plan something throughout the day for us to do. He told me he was going to spend the whole day playing Valorant so I got upset and cancelled the reservation. After a very heated argument, we calmed down and i asked him to come over. He came over about an hour later with flowers and drinks (I was 20 at the time so I couldn’t buy the drinks myself). He brought Smirnoffs and Trulys. For context, I am a lightweight. I always have been. I literally get tipsy on half a cocktail. And that day, I hadn’t eaten anything because i was in distress over our argument. So we get to talking and drinking. I blacked out after my second Smirnoff. Apparently I drank 3 but I genuinely cannot remember anything after finishing the second one. The next morning i woke up naked in my bed. I woke him up and asked him “Luke, why am I naked?” and he said “Because you didn’t want to put your clothes back on.” When I clarified to him that that was not what I meant, he got defensive and said that he didn’t realize how drunk I was. He proceeded to tell me that I initiated sex with him and that i was very enthusiastic about it. He said he didn’t know i could black out on three smirnoffs. He made fun of me for being a lightweight and continued to make light of the situation. Then he mentioned that i fell off the bed at some point in the night and that it was funny how drunk I was. I then questioned him. Because if he thought that me tripping and falling off the bed because i was so drunk was funny, how did he not know that i was too drunk? He responded by saying that i fell off the bed only after we were done. That day I broke up with him. I’m still really confused about what happened that night. I don’t remember anything and all I have to go on is what he said to me. We were in a relationship at the time and he says he didn’t know how drunk I was so I’m not sure what to call what happened. A while after that day, his friend that hmu while we were broken up and I started talking again and i confided in him about that night. He told me to be careful saying things like that because they could get me into trouble. I spoke to some of our other friends about it and they told me it was no big deal and that it wasn’t his fault that he didn’t know how drunk I really was. Because I don’t remember, I have been led to believe that this is not a serious matter. You can think what you want, come to whatever conclusions you want. That is just my side of the story.

I want to add that I’m not proud of how I acted after the relationship ended. I felt really angry at all the shit he put me through and I guess a part of me wanted him to hurt even a quarter of how I did. So I started talking to his friend and got involved with him. This backfired on me because his friend ended up really hurting me too so ig i got my karma. But the thing that hurt the most is that because of what I did, some of our friends took his side in the break up. I was told that I did something terrible by getting involved with his friend that he was already insecure about and that he didn’t deserve that. These are the same friends who were witness to the dumpster fire of a relationship we had and all the things he did to me. They turned their backs on me because of this one thing I did. But stood by and watched as he treated me like garbage for over a year.

I will conclude this by saying that while this relationship has been “over and done with” for almost two years now, I carry a lot of trauma from it still. I still talk about him in therapy and have had to put in a lot of work to heal from what he did and i still cannot say that i am okay. I am very blessed to now have a patient and understanding partner who has helped me heal from that trauma and i just want to quickly thank him for that. Nobody deserves to go through what I did. While yes, it was a toxic relationship, and I had a part in that, it does not excuse all the awful things he said and did to me. This is my truth, thank you for taking the time to read it.

[fangirl-dot-com]

Drive To Survive

key:

indented italics - flashbacks, display other than interview, screen changes

February 14, 2025 

The screen is dark as the newest episode of Drive To Survive plays. 

The title read “The Rookie.” It was finally time for the episode that everyone had been waiting for since the 2024 season ended. 

The opening scene starts with multiple flashes of cameras. If people watched the 2023 season, they would know exactly what circuit it was. The Elvis impersonators would give it away as well. 

Standing in a circle was the current world champion, two Ferrari drivers, and the Papaya duo. They smiled forced smirks for the cameras. Yet, they dropped them once they realized the cameras were not pointing to them. The Netflix camera filmed them all turning to face the front. Most of the drivers had confused looks. 

“I didn’t know Checo was a Cars fan,” the microphone picked up the words from the red clad Spaniard. 

Max smirked, the camera zooming in on the Dutchman. 

“He’s not.” 

The camera angle changes to the back of a young woman, blond hair bouncing with every step. A red scarf flowed behind her, white body suit sparkling under the flashes of all the cameras. 

The screen flashed the title before a producer chair was put in a spotlight. The camera angle switched to a back view as a driver walked around and sat in the chair. Their face is completely nonvisible from the camera angle, but people know who it is. 

The lights dim before brightening, and the camera angle is back on the chair with the driver. Blond hair reflects the lighting, as well as a nice smile. The episode clapper is in her hands.  

“Please state your name and team for the camera.” 

The woman in the chair took a breath. 

“My name is Y/n L/n and I drive for the Italian team, Scuderia Ferrari.” 

She clapped the black and white box. A loud beep sounded in the studio as the camera crew started to laugh. The girl in the chair started giggling as well, before acting serious again. 

“Yeah, that was a lie. I drive for the best, the Honda RBPT Oracle Red Bull Racing Formula 1 team. Red doesn’t look the best on me. I prefer navy.” 

She smiles, trying not to laugh once more. 

The camera quickly cuts to black and then fades into a clip, that looks similar to a home video. A young girl is smiling for the camera, tiniest helmet in her hand.  

“How old were you when you started karting?” a voice sounded over the video. 

The blond cocked her head in thought. She smiled at the nostalgia that was running through her mind. 

“I was five.” 

The same little girl was now in a kart, doing donuts on a driveway. 

“My parents had gotten me a kart as a present. They had been talking about starting me as soon as possible. I mean, I had toy cars before for practice. My first one was a bright pink Barbie car and I got that when I was 3.” 

The clip changes to a different scene. This time, it was of a karting circuit. Multiple kids were aiming for the first place spot, but a singular pink kart was going around the outside, taking it from them.  

“I remember my first time winning. It was 2008, a few months after I got my kart. All the boys there looked at me weird when I showed up with my hot pink helmet.” 

“Where you scared?” the interviewer leaned in, awaiting the answer. 

“Of the boys? Not one bit. They should have been more scared of me.” 

It was now a black screen, but multiple voices shouted over it. 

“Y/n L/n wins her first feature karting race. 

“That is another win for the female karter! 

“Y/n L/n wins the European Division for karting in 2010! 

“L/n takes the 2012 Italian Karting Division Championship!” 

“Karting will always be a part of me.” 

“Who kept you going?” 

The girl gave a sad smile to the camera as she looked down at her hands. She knew she had given them permission to talk about the subject. She just didn’t know that they’d go right off the bat. 

“My godfather, Lorenzo.” 

The screen changed to a clip of the small girl running to a taller man. The man was knelt down in the grass, arms open wide to catch the running girl. A gentle smile was on his face as he looked at the trophy in the child’s arms: almost too big for her to carry on her own. 

“I believe that without him, I wouldn’t be in this chair. I owe it all to him.” 

The scene changes once again, to multiple clips of an F4 and F3 car crossing the finish line. 

“Y/n L/n wins her first F4 race of the season! 

“Is she going to take home the championship today? Yes she does! Y/n L/n is the 2018 Formula 4 Champion!

“It is a new year and we are seeing a lot of new rookies in Formula 3. Hold on, is that Y/n L/n? Ah it is! So glad to see the girl here today especially after last year! 

One of the regulars on the show, Will Buxton, was now in the seat. 

“What are your thoughts on L/n’s rise in Formula 3?” 

Will leaned in, getting focused. 

“You have to have such a good foundation in your family and close friends, to be supported, to be good like that. Because without good support, a driver cannot be a good driver.” 

“L/n is across the line to take home her first F3 race win. We were seeing her looking a bit down earlier, so I hope this brings her spirits up because she is making history today.” 

“So, I was disowned right before that race that I won in F3.” The blond shrugged. “I really never had any good support other than like three people. At the time, two of them were just staff too.” 

She giggled at the revelation, knowing what Buxton had said beforehand. 

“Another win for L/n, making her the 2019 Formula 3 champion. Ladies and gentlemen, you do not want to miss watching this racer ever again.” 

Somber music now plays in the background. 

“How nervous were you when you made the jump from the Formula 3 division to Formula 2.” 

The girl gave a nervous scoff. “I was terrified.”

Clips of pictures filled the screen. 

“I had just lost the only person in the world who I know still cared for me.” 

“Heir to the Alessandrino Fortune Has Died” 

“Former Italian Karting Champion Lorenzo Alessandrino Has Passed Away” 

“Lorenzo Alessandrino, 2001 Formula 2 Champion, Is Dead” 

“Y/n L/n Makes Motor Sport History as the First Woman To Start in Formula 2” 

“L/n Takes the Formula 2 Feature Race” 

“Y/n L/n, History Maker: First Female To Win a Formula 2 Race” 

The headlines fade into a video of the podium. A 25-year-old Max Verstappen is visible, holding the 1st place trophy. He is seen watching the 17-year-old Y/n L/n shed some tears during her national anthem, while pointing to the sky when it finished. He gingerly stepped out and handed it to her when cued. She graciously took it from his hands and offered him a wide smile. Max stepped back, watching the young girl openly cry in front of thousands. On the inside, he wished he had that strength. 

“I could tell something was off that day.” 

A new driver was in the chair. Male, blond, and in the same team uniform as the female was. Anybody who’s anybody knew exactly who that was. 

He sucked in a breath. “Obviously, I didn’t know her or what she had been through at the time. Now knowing, I wish I had given her a hug.” 

Max let out a chuckle as he reminisced on that day. 

The screen flashed and the woman was back in the chair.

“I knew who he was. Everyone knew who he was.” Her hands waved around. “Max Verstappen, probably one of the greatest drivers to grace the grid. No one just skips most of F3 and all of F2. You have to be great. And that was Max.” 

“Was he your favorite driver on the grid at that time?” 

She let out a snort. “Oh gosh no.” 

Everyone in the studio laughed. 

The scene changed to you sitting next to Charles at one of the debriefs in Las Vegas. You had no clue why they put you there, because last you knew, you weren’t driving. However, they had said something about wanting the pole sitter and you (who had done the fastest lap in FP1) to talk for a bit. 

Your cheeks were a bit heated as you were truly sitting next to your hero. Charles could only smirk at your very shy nature next to him. He watched you rattle off about some part of the car and the balance. 

The Monegasque cut in. 

“See, this is why she is perfect to be Max’s teammate. They could talk all day.” 

Everyone around them laughed, along with you who gave some quiet giggles. You rolled your eyes. 

“Let’s not talk about the fact that you have your own ‘Leclerifying’ hmmm?” 

The girl smirked at the camera. “There was a certain McLaren driver that always tried to get the attention of a select Spaniard. If Lando was obsessed with Carlos. I was obsessed with the other Ferrari driver. I tried to get his attention on Twitter, er, well now X a couple of times. It was still Twitter when I was using it.” 

“Of course I noticed her tweets.” 

A new driver was now in the seat once again. This time, he wore the iconic Rosso Corsa team polo.  

Charles smiled as he looked down at the multiple rings on his finger. His hand came up to his neck to fidget with a certain necklace. His smile grew as he thought on the memories. 

“I thought it was sweet. A young driver was trying to keep up with the big leagues. I’m pretty sure I responded a couple of times. And Sebastian had put in a good word for her.”

“Sebastian?”

Charles’s eyes widened as he smirked. 

“Vettel. He’s known her for longer than anyone here has.”  

The scene changed again. 

The girl was back as she clapped her hands.

“Charles made my day whenever he responded. To me it was probably like if Harry Styles responded to a fangirl’s tweet or Instagram. I always hoped that I’d make it to Formula 1 and could maybe drive beside him.”

“We were told that you know retired driver Sebastian Vettel.” 

The blond smirked, not nervous but confident. 

“Yeah, I know him. He was really good friends with my godfather.” 

She leans forwards and fixes her shorts. 

“It’s kind of how Max was close to the Schumacher family. Lorenzo worked with Seb multiple times in the very early 2000’s when Seb was still in karting. I want to say probably even before I was born as well. He was a little bit older than Seb, more like a mentor. I was able to catch up with Sebastian around 2020 and I got to meet a few more people.”

“People such as?” they prodded. 

“Kimi, Nico, Mark. I’m pretty sure I met Lewis like once though when I was pretty young. Like probably around 2015. I got to watch a couple of Formula 1 races with them in 2020.”  

The camera cuts to a man wearing the Mercedes logo on his polo. His braids are kept nicely as he smiles at the camera. They hand him a picture of you and him in 2015. His eyes are wide as he keeps looking at the photo and then to the camera. 

“This was her?” Lewis questioned, letting out a small laugh. His eyes squint as he tries to get a closer look in the dark room. 

The scene changes once again, the female driver back in the seat.

“Were you nervous that you might not have made it? To Formula 1 after what happened in 2020?” 

The blond looked down at her hands. 

“There were a few years where I was convinced that I wouldn’t.”  

The screen fades to more headlines. 

“Y/n L/n enters a second year of Formula 2 with PREMA” 

“The Future for F2’s Only Female Driver is Uncertain” 

“L/n Is Out of the Last F2 Race of the Season” 

“PREMA Drops L/n for Her F2 Final Season?” 

A clip of a meeting of some sorts flashed on the screen. You were looking quite down as you picked at the end of a table as someone read off a paper. You didn’t even want to pay attention as they were nailing the final nail into the coffin.

“Prema Racing has decided to let go of driver number 89, Y/n L/n. After the 2022 season, she will no longer race for or have any affiliations with Prema and will be replaced by Ollie Bearman.” 

You spoke up. “But I have a contract until the end of 2023.” 

The representative glared at you, before looking back at the page and kept reading. “Since driver 89 has underperformed in the past 2 years, Prema has decided to break contract. Compensation will be sent at a later time.” 

Vito had silently grasped your shoulder to offer you some comfort, but the hurt had already been done. You were going into a season for the first time since F4, you didn’t have a secured future in the sport. 

Ollie was sitting on the other side, watching you sadly as they basically read your death sentence. The camera zoomed in on you playing with a pen. If one were to look closely, they could see tears streaming down your cheeks. 

Will was back in the seat. 

“A driver without a contract or team cannot drive.” 

The scene changes back to the driver. 

“I mean. I had other options. On the side I was talking to Sebastian and even Nico. I was trying to keep my eyes open for something, anything. Except, it turned out that I didn’t need to.” 

More headlines flashed.  

“DAMS To Sign Both Leclerc and L/n for 2023” 

“Y/n L/n Wins First Two Races of the 2023 Formula 2 Season” 

“L/n Wins Her Third Race with Teammate Arthur Leclerc Behind Her” 

“Y/n L/n Makes History Once Again: First Female To Win Formula 2 Championship” 

“Y/n L/n: Youngest Driver To Win F2 Championship” 

The girl is back in the chair, the spotlight on her. 

“I didn’t know that I’d get the championship my final year. I was skeptical. I really thought that I wouldn’t be able to, since it was my final year, I had been dropped, and I had a new teammate. But I had a really good teammate and a better team. They really put everything into me being the best driver.” 

“What did you think would happen after everything was over? You had won the championship with 1 race to spare.” 

The girl swallowed before speaking. “Obviously, I thought I didn’t have many options. At the time, it seemed as though every door was closed. I kept talking to my manager about it, and every time he said he would come back empty handed. I even talked to him that morning, and he just had a sad smile on his face.” She paused. “I knew that even though I could be the champion, I had nowhere to go after that.” 

The person in the chair changed. 

“So, that was all a lie,” Vito spoke to the camera, a smile on his face. 

The scene had changed. Vito Accardi, Y/n L/n’s manager, was seated in a chair. It looked like he was stressing over his laptop. Stella, L/n’s  race engineer at the time of 2023, was seated across from him. He was silently tapping a pen on the table as he looked over the words on the screen.  

“Too many junk emails?” she teased, settling into her chair. 

The male shook his head. 

The screen showed multiple contracts up at once, lines upon lines were highlighted. The headers at the top of each contract showed very recognizable logos. 

He smirked as he looked directly at the camera. “I couldn’t tell her anything until I knew that there was something for certain.” 

“How many teams wanted her?” 

“All of them.” 

The scene changed to a past driver’s get-together: one that no one had seen before. The group consisted of Max Verstappen, Charles Leclerc, Lando Norris, Lewis Hamilton, Fernando Alonso, Daniel Ricciardo. An odd group, but they were just waiting around (or hiding on a Wednesday). 

Charles was looking down at his phone, while Max was watching him closely. The Monegasque’s fingers were typing at a lightning speed. 

Lando was the one to point it out. 

“What’s got you in a tizzy?” the Briton asked, pulling Charles out of whatever fog he was in. He quickly turned his phone off. 

“Ferrari is wanting to sign someone else, but wouldn’t be able to do so until 2025. Except her manager insists on a seat for 2024.” 

Lewis had his interest piqued. “It is Y/n L/n?” 

“Yeah. My brother has put in great words for her, along with Sebastian. Pierre also says that Alpine is thinking of options too.  She’s,” he huffed, “very good. Almost a little too good.”  

The other Mercedes driver took a sip of his drink. “Toto was just talking to me about that, but he said the same thing. There aren’t any seats available until 2025. But he wants her.” 

Lando rolled his eyes. “So we’ve all gotten the talk about how all the team principals want to sign her. Even McLaren is speaking about how to get her a seat somewhere. Testing driver or something like that.” 

The older Spaniard spoke up. “It would be foolish not to. She has generational talent. Stroll is looking at her as well.” 

“So are we. Except there aren’t any seats,” an Aussie added. 

Max was quietly reading almost every article he could get his hands on about her. In the back of his mind, he knew that Checo was going to retire after this year (especially after what happened at Mexico). He quickly sent one to Christian, only getting a thumbs up. 

Daniel bumped Max. “You’ve been quiet over there. What are your thoughts on the potential rookie?” 

The Dutchman looked up. “What rookie?”

The scene changed back to the Italian man. 

“I’ve been her manager for years. I knew exactly what she needed at that moment. Sure, I could have told her, but I knew she wanted to race in 2024 and not wait. I’m not her manager for nothing.” 

“How did you get in touch with Red Bull’s Christian Horner.” 

The man adjusted in the chair. “Well, even though she wasn’t on their junior team, the actual brand Red Bull was one of her sponsors in karting.” 

The scene changes once again, this time the Team Principal of the currently reining team was now in the seat. 

“Vito had gotten in contact with me when she first started F2,” the older Briton said. “But we wanted to see what would happen. We took a chance at Max, way back then. But this was a bit different.” 

The interviewer asked, “Because she was a girl?” 

Christian shook his head. 

“Because she was 16 at the start: younger than Max was by two years. Sure, she turned 17 at the end of the season due to a later birthday in October. But, we took a step back to see what she could do, especially now that they changed the age rules after Max. She was dropped by PREMA, and we almost took the chance then to maybe bring her in as a development driver. But, Vito was adamant about her wanting a championship. She wanted records broken, and she did.” 

“How did everything go down? Before she knew.” 

He smiled.

“I called him right after I got the article from Max. Youngest to win an F2 Championship and a female on top of that.” 

“Was everything pretty smooth sailing?” 

He shook his head. “I was advised not to sign her, but I was told ‘no’ for Max and you see where that got me. I wasn’t going to let her go to a team that wouldn’t let her shine.” 

The scene changes to the RB19 being driven out at the mock track for training. The girl’s white helmet was a stark contrast against the deep navy of the car. The camera panned to the mock pit wall. Multiple people pressed buttons as they watched you take lap after lap. 

A much older man just looked on with pinched eyebrows, not really interested in seeing what the girl had to offer.

After the final testing times had been clocked, he stood up and slammed his papers on a table, before he left the pits. Christian smirked as he watched him stalk off. He knew he made the right call for the second time. 

“How did it feel being in the seat for the first time?” 

The girl, back in the seat, responded, “It felt surreal.” 

She kept talking as the screen faded into clips of the car. 

The aerial view watched as the car look several laps: getting close ups and shots of the car going around the corners.  

“I went from having the door slammed into my face to the door being blown to bits.” 

“Did Vito ever tell you that he was talking to multiple people at once?” 

She looked at the camera. “He did. But he knew what I needed. That’s why he’s been my manager since 2018.” 

The scene changes to multiple flashing cameras as the girl walked into the paddock for the first time in Vegas. The cameras followed as she straight up walked to the group of older guys, introduced herself, and followed Max as he walked away. The rest of the guys watched her animatedly talk to the man who hated every second of the Las Vegas Grand Prix. 

“The beginning of your season was filled with a lot of highs,” 

The screen flashes to multiple clips of you raising trophies, especially highlighting your podium in Bahrain. 

“And lows.” 

The female’s eyebrows raised. “No kidding.” 

The scene changes to your car flipping in Suzuka before panning to people’s reactions. Many people immediately stood up. Others put their hands over their mouths. Many stayed sitting, frozen in shock over what they just saw. 

The screen fades to black, but radio messages can be heard. 

“Kid, you have to answer me.” 

“Tell me you’re ok. You need to respond.” 

“I can’t lose you too.” 

Charles was back in the chair. Tears could be seen in his lash line as he exhaled a shaky breath. He closed his eyes, trying to get over his emotions. 

“A crash like that doesn’t happen every day. It was awful, just waiting to hear back from her. Really took me back to 2014. Reminded me of Jules. On the same track. Rain. I don’t think I would have finished the season if she hadn’t made it.” 

The scene changes to multiple marshals standing around the car, trying to get to you. Except, you were trapped. They didn’t want to start cutting, just in case there was a fuel leak. They did not need for the car to catch fire.  

“I remember watching Lewis just turn around,” George said, now that he was in the seat. “He kept shaking his head and muttering. I couldn’t stop crying.” 

“Y/n is a driver who was shy at the beginning, but then got more comfortable with you as time passed. She became precious to everyone on the grid.” Oscar offered a smile, but it fell short as he remembered Suzuka. 

“There hadn’t-” Lewis began, but cut short. He swallowed before he kept going. “There hadn’t been a crash like that since 2014. And the last time it happened, he didn’t make it. I was honestly preparing myself for the worst.” 

Max shrugged his shoulders, trying to be nonchalant. Yet, anyone could see that his hands were shaking just a bit, his fingers picking at his skin. 

“She just wouldn’t answer. And then they got Arthur Leclerc on the radio, thinking that he could get to her. Even then, she didn’t respond for what felt like hours. We were all waiting, on the pit lane, just hoping that she’d start talking soon.” 

“What did it feel like for you in the car?” 

The female was back in the seat. 

“All I really remember was seeing the sky and the grass as I rolled, and then nothing. I had totally blacked out. When I was coming to, I just remember hearing so much through the radio, I didn’t know what to make of it. I think I laughed as I answered. I was just happy to be alive.” 

“We know that was your first DNF. Thankfully the second wasn’t as bad.” 

“No kidding,” she laughed. “My car just doesn’t have very good balance.” 

“You’ve had lots of podiums. Which one was the most fulfilling?” 

The girl looked up in thought. Her eyes narrowed, truly going over her options. She didn’t want to have to talk about certain matters, but she didn’t want it to be brought up later. 

She answered, “Imola.” 

“What was so special or daunting because of it?” 

The blond harshly inhaled, before smirking a bit. “Well, lot of people knew how it ended.” 

The scene changes to multiple police cars around the paddock. The camera barely caught a glimpse of two people being let away in handcuff before panning over to the group of drivers. The lens zoomed in on your face, a big bruise forming by your eye. Max was standing protectively near you as Christian was still yelling at the people in the car. The other drivers can be seen hovering around the scene. 

Max gulped before he sighed. 

“I knew it was bad, but not this bad. I’m just glad that I had gotten to her in time.” 

The female stretched. “Except I got a trophy out of it, so, I wasn’t too sad.” 

The scene changes to the next race, where most of the drivers were waiting for the parade. They could tell that someone was missing. Except, right when Lando was about to bring it up, you walked in. Sunglasses were on your eyes, trying to hide the ugly yellow and purple blotch on your face. Except, it didn’t do too much to actually hide it. 

“Afternoon,” you said, sipping on a drink that you brought. Your fingers took off your glasses, multiple drivers wincing. “It’s not that bad.” 

Lando rolled his eyes before muttering, “They shouldn’t have been allowed back in.” 

Max handed you an icepack, which you grabbed immediately. Logan brought you into a side hug and let you rest against him.  

The Dutchman let everyone know that you had finally gotten your restraining order approved. Smiles adorned the rest of the drivers’ faces at the news. 

An older Aussie was now in the seat. 

“I wasn’t there when she met everyone. But I watched Max let her follow him, in Vegas. It was cute, ‘cause I’ve never seen Max act like that before. But she’ s been a good teammate to him. Not trying to be rude, but I’m also putting myself down when I say this: she has been the best teammate that Max has ever had.” 

The scene changes to you and Max in a car on the way to a race. The two of you are seated next to each other and phones are in your hands. A sudden gasp from you has you reaching over to Max, your hand smacking his chest. 

The Dutchman winces. “What?” 

“Taylor Swift broke up with Travis Kelce. Fernando has his chance.” 

Viewers would have thought that Max would seem uninterested, but his eyes widened and he was suddenly leaning over, trying to get a good look at your phone. 

“You’re lying.” 

“No I’m not. See?” You just handed your phone over and Max was instantly enthralled with the device, fingers scrolling quickly. 

“It’s definitely like they have a competitive sibling relationship.” 

Max watched as you were talking to Oscar, the afternoon after you hit his car. Max smirked as he walked past and bumped you on purpose. Your head whipped around, trying to find who did that. Once you saw Max’s shoulders shake as he walked away, it was over. You quickly said goodbye to Oscar before running up to Max. 

What he did not expect was for you to jump on his back, almost sending him face first into cement. He stumbled but his arms were quick to grab your legs. Your giggles were loud next to his ear, but Max guessed that he’d let you stay. 

“I know for a fact that it’s been good to see Max a bit more carefree. Y/n really brings out the good in him. She really does that to everyone though.” 

Rain was pouring down in Brazil, due to a hurricane in the area. The race had been canceled and Max was just chilling in the garage. His eyes caught your figure walking out into the downpour. He watched as you just stood there, getting drenched. That was until you started dancing to no music at all. 

Max got up from his seat and walked over to a manager. 

“May I?” he asked, the manager nodding his head. 

He plugged his phone into a jack and clicked on a specific playlist that the two of you had made together. Normally, it would be playing while the two of you warmed up to get ready in the car. But now it was playing as you continued to dance. 

Max quickly joined you and bumped you with his hip. The cameras caught you looking up at your older teammate, whose body was quickly getting drenched. Before long, the two of you were dancing in the rain. 

And very possibly, the other drivers joined in too. 

“She really cares for him. It was like they met and clicked right away.” 

Clips of you and Max filled the screen. Walking together in the paddock, signing things for fans, doing stupid things for media day, congratulating each other after races. 

It showed you checking on him after a DNF, wanting a legitimate answer if he was okay or not. Once Max gave the thumbs up and Mitch told you that he was, the cameras in your car showed how your body visibly relaxed after know that he was ok. 

“Sure, they’ve had their troubles.” 

The scene changes to Max passing you in Monaco. 

Your voice was heard over the scene. “What an asshole.”

The scene changed to you not letting Max pass and him hitting the back of your RB20 in Belgium. 

“That was a rookie mistake.” 

The viewers knew that they had deliberately cut a certain action out of the scene, but it was something that they were actually thankful that Netflix cut. 

“But they always apologize and get back to it. I think that’s how she got her first win. She needed to know that they could truly work as a team.” 

The scene showed you and Max giving each other a big hug in The Netherlands after Max won the Dutch Grand Prix. 

The scene changes once more. 

“How was it? Winning in the city of red.” 

“Words cannot express.” 

The screen showed you walking in on that fateful morning, bright orange car in the background. You waved to the crowds, who seemed to get louder with your attention. Your smile brightly shone as you kept walking, only stopping momentarily for a few autographs and pictures. 

“Y/n L/n On Pole in Monza – Youngest Pole Sitter in F1 History”

“There she goes! Y/n L/n has won the 2024 Italian Grand Prix. She was starving, but now she’s been satiated. The youngest pole sitter and turned that into a win.”  

“Y/n L/n – First Female To Ever Win a Formula 1 Grand Prix” 

"Y/n L/n Hailed as 'The Long Awaited' by Italian Fans"

The camera pans to the girl standing on the nose of her car, hands stretched up reaching for the sky. Max, who had DNF earlier, came over. She grasped him tightly, legs around his waist. Christian was behind them, joining in the celebrations. Soon, the entirety of the crew got over the barrier and flooded the area. The two Ferrari drivers, in a respectable P2 and P3, watched as the female driver was almost covered by people. If it wasn’t them, then they were glad it was her. 

The blond returned back to the seat. 

“Let me tell you, the after party was probably my favorite part of the weekend. Well, besides the winning part.” 

“After Monza, how did the rest of the season go.” 

“Well, I did go on to win 3 more races.” The girl smirked. 

Clips of the number 89 car crossing the finish line cover the screen. 

“Y/n L/n takes her second win of the season after Monza in Mexico! 

It showed you waving to the crowds of Mexico, flag draped over your shoulders with a sombrero on your head.. 

“A homecoming of sorts, Y/n L/n wins a third race under the lights of Las Vegas! 

Your fists were clenched as you shook them while your knees were bent. The while Elvis suit kind of glowed against the night sky. 

“L/n wins her fourth race of the season in Abu Dhabi. Ending a perfect rookie year on a high!” 

The crowds watch you get on your hands and knees before your car. Your hands outstretched in almost a mock bow to the machine. 

The scenes show the you hoisting up three more trophies, all while pointing to the sky after each one.  

The interviewer looked down at their questions, before glancing back up at the girl. 

“What was your worst race? One that you didn’t DNF.” 

The girl didn’t even hesitate. “Qatar.” 

“Why is that?” 

She shrugged. “I thought it would be cooler.” 

The screen goes black, but then changes to a very busy scene. People could see medical personelle holding onto a driver by their arms. Their legs all but dragged along the concrete. Lights flashed around as they brought her to a makeshift cot. Her helmet was ripped off along with the cloth under it. You gasped as you tried to catch your breath. Your cheeks were red and your hair matted with sweat. 

“I need an IV and cooling towels now!” 

“Her blood pressure is dropping, she’s going to pass out again.” 

“Hey, you need to stay awake. Do not close your eyes.” 

“Her breath is more shallow, she needs to cool down. Get buckets of ice and water.” 

It changes to a podium, but only two drivers are present. It was supposed to be a Papaya sandwich after Oscar had gotten his first actual race win. They looked worried and barely stayed for the celebrations. 

The cameras followed as the orange drivers as they ran to the Red Bull garage once the podium was finished. They expected to see you still unconscious, since that was the last they heard before the podium. Yet, they were surprised to see you upright and smiley. An IV was connected to your arm, but you were awake. 

Oscar ran, before wrapping his arms around you. 

“Do not do that again. I can’t believe that you kept racing.” 

You smiled up at him and Lando. 

“What can I say? I’m indestructible.” 

“She’s impressive.” A German voices his opinion now that he’s in the seats. “I don’t wish to say it, but I’m glad she’s at the different team. I don’t know if we would have been able to give her the car that she needed.” 

The interviewer looks a Toto for a moment, before continuing. “You think she’ll leave Red Bull at some point in her career?” 

The Mercedes Team Principal shakes his head. “No. She’s going to stay until she retires. I’m sure of it. But who am I to talk about staying with a team forever.” 

The scene changes to you and Max, both casually hanging out. You sighed as you looked down at your phone. Max quirked an eyebrow, but stayed silent, giving you the go ahead to spill. 

“They’re asking again if I’m going to be staying past 2026.” Your arms waved around before you huffed and they fell at your sides. 

The Dutchman rolled his eyes. “Are you wanting to stay past that?” 

You grinned at the older driver. “Can’t go anywhere when I have the best here.” 

The scene changes to the blond female Red Bull racer, back in the chair once again.

“Do you think you’ll ever move teams?” 

She shook her head. “No, I don’t think I will. It seems that every racer’s dream is to drive for the team in red, but not mine. I’ve always wanted to just race for the team that will get me places, and I think that Red Bull can stay on top for many years to come.” 

The interviewer continued. “What do you think you’ll do after Formula 1.” 

She smirked. 

“After, I want to collect. I’m thinking the triple crown. Probably go to endurance racing and then 1 year of Indy. I know I’ll be able to do it.” 

“If you could have your dream team for Le Mans, who would it be?” 

“Either Leclerc in addition to Max. I don’t think I could be anyone else’s teammate ever.” 

Clips of Charles, Arthur, Y/n, and Max showed on the screen. They might look like an odd bunch, but they worked somehow. Arthur had been promoted at the end of 2024 to actually drive for Porsche in the 2025 Qatar endurance race. Late in the editing, they were able to sneak in a clip of the four of you celebrating after he podiumed.  

“So, we heard that you and Max were able to sign new contracts at the end of 2024. How long are the both of you going to stay.” 

The girl thought for a moment, trying to think of how to word it correctly. 

“Well, we both have kind of open ended contracts like Charles signed in early 2024. Christian said that he’ll do his best to keep us there, but we aren’t bound. I plan to stay for a while and so does Max if they keep giving us good cars that can still dominate.” 

“Do you plan to break any more records? You sure had a lot in the past season as well as early years.” 

“How many do I have?” she asked. 

The interviewer counted. “Five.” 

She smirked for the final time for the episode. “Five? That’s hardly enough. Let’s make it interesting and get 6.”  

Everyone in the room laughed at her joke. 

The screen cut to black and the episode ended. Yet when the female racer retired, they went back and added one more thing. 

“Y/n L/n went on to be the most decorated racer of all time. She ended up breaking 22 records in the duration of her entire motorsport career, that no one has been able to touch since.” 

TAG LIST: @fionaschicken @glitterquadricorn @laura-naruto-fan1998 @treehouse-mouse @sam-is-lost @kagatinkita @fangirl125reader @megatrilss1885 @myxticmoon @angsthology @cmleitora @fly-me-away @graciewrote @ashy-kit @slutofmultifandom @aexitizen-ln4 @sugarvibez @vellicora @thatgirlthatreadswattpad @33-81 @hoetel-manager @xcharlottemikaelsonx @jayda12 @ilove-tswizzle @justme2042 @itsjustkhaos @nikfigueiredo @stopeatread @cha-hot @sadg3 @iloveyou3000morgan @s4turnsl0ver @alessioayla @torchbearerkyle @leptitlu @awekbachira @shreks-sugar-daddy @v1naco @stan-josie @mellowarcadefun @badassturtle13 @beskardroids @callisposts @poppyalice2001 @juniper-july19 @lizzypiastri

[bloomzone]

GLOW UP DIARY#6 : ROMANTICIZING YOUR LIFE

"Another day ahead, don't wanna leave the bed you're looking at the mirror, see the tears covered in redI know that you've been cold this whole time but now I'm here to make it end"

-straykids (track : youtiful)

hi blossoms it's been so long since I posted. . . 🥹 miss you... Anyway I want to inform that I opened my study motivation/daily life account follow me there if u want ! ( @bloom-diary )

’-Finding Beauty in the Ordinary

© bloomzone

🍒: Boring days can feel endless and uninspiring, but they hold the potential for something special. By shifting your perspective, you can uncover the magic hidden in the mundane. Embrace the challenge of transforming those dull moments into opportunities for joy and creativity. Together, we'll explore simple ways to romanticize your daily life, turning the ordinary into the extraordinary. Remember, even the most uneventful days can become cherished memories with the right mindset. Let's make every day a little more magical!

#6.HOW TO ROMANTICIZING EVERYDAY LIFE

u can take your journey of romanticizing life to the next level embracing meaningful practices that can transform your everyday experiences into moments of joy and inspiration(remember that no matter how life get bad u can start again:) ). Start by creating rituals that bring calm and intention to your daily routine—whether it’s a peaceful morning routine or a relaxing evening wind-down. Allow yourself to explore new places and embark on mini-adventures to break free from routine and discover the beauty around you. Connect with your creativity through personal projects and let your imagination flourish. Remember, nourishing your well-being with mindful eating and enjoyable activities can elevate your mood and bring satisfaction. Embrace the changing seasons by celebrating them with special activities and fresh décor. Build a cozy personal sanctuary where you can reflect and recharge, and deepen your connections with others through meaningful gatherings. Practice gratitude regularly, and seek out beauty in both the big and small moments of life. Embrace these practices with an open heart, knowing that each effort you make will enrich your life and help you find joy in the ordinary.

FIND BEAUTY IN THE SMALL THINGS :

Romanticizing life involves finding beauty and joy in the everyday moments. Here’s a guide to help you embrace this mindset:

# 1.Slow Down and Be Present

- Mindfulness: Practice mindfulness by paying attention to the present moment without judgment.

- Savor Daily Routines:Turn mundane tasks into rituals. For example, enjoy making your morning coffee or tea,make ur bed in the morning..

# 2.Create a Cozy Atmosphere

- Decorate Your Space: Add personal touches to your living space, like lights, plants, or cozy blankets it will give u motivation to have a productive day

- Ambient Lighting: Use candles or soft lighting to create a warm and inviting environment

# 3.Indulge in Simple Pleasures

- Nature Walks: Take walks in nature, paying attention to the sights, sounds, and smells.

- Reading: Find a cozy spot to read books that inspire and transport you.

- Enjoy a Homemade Dessert: Bake cookies, brownies, or a cake and savor each bite try new recipes

# 4.Cultivate a Sense of Wonder

- Explore: Visit new places, even if they are in your local area.

- Learn: Pick up a new hobby or skill that excites you new languages....

# 5.Embrace Your Senses

- Music: Create playlists that uplift or calm you.

- Creating a Sensory Jar: Fill a jar with items like sea shells, dried flowers, or colored sand for a visual and tactile experience or just memories from break days..

# 6.Practice Gratitude

- Journaling: Keep a gratitude journal to note down things you’re thankful for each day.

- Appreciation: Take time to appreciate the little things, like a beautiful sunset or a delicious meal.

# 7. Dress for Joy

- Wear What You Love: Dress in clothes that make you feel good, even if you’re not going anywhere special. (Ikr wasting a good outfit in a boring day is suck 😔)

- Accessorize: Use accessories that add a touch of elegance or fun to your outfits.

#8. Nurture Relationships

- Quality Time: Spend meaningful time with friends and family.

- Thoughtful Gestures: Show appreciation through small, thoughtful gestures.

#9. Celebrate Yourself

- Self-Care: Regularly engage in self-care activities that rejuvenate you.

- Achievements: Celebrate your achievements, no matter how small.

# 10. Capture Memories

- Photography: Take photos of moments that make you happy.

- Scrapbooking: Create a scrapbook or digital album to look back on fond memories.

─ㅤ⊹ㅤ𓈒 May this guide inspire you to see the beauty in your daily life and cherish every moment.

© bloomzone

[cosmousee]

What Is Lunar Eclipse Bringing In For You!!🌜🌟

Hello everybody!!!

I'm back with another pick a pile🥰

I know I'm literally posting it on the DAY of the eclipse, but I got to writing it yesterday only, and with the last pile my laptop literally fell apart.

I completed writing it in class, because...who listens to lectures anyway🤪

ANYWHO! Enough chit chat!

Choose whatever pile resonates with you, whatever does not, remember to just pass it on🥰

Pile 1>>2>>3

Enjoy! (Posting it from phone, apologies if the formatting is bad😭)

Pile 1

Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!

For you I saw more of a building your own self sort of a thing. I saw an animation of you know sort of a stick figure thingy, and it was entirely made up of small paper bits, and you were rebuilding yourself again and again by replacing those bits with other bits. I think you guys are constantly figuring out which self is your most authentic self and the one where you are happiest being yourself. Ofcourse, this doesn’t come easy, which is why you are in a constant process.

For your oracle cards, we have

St. John’s Wort and Marigold: Against your will, there will not be; no entrance, no welcoming. Be Gone.

Witch’s Rosary: Craft your skills with intentions repeated, a practice of magick powered by purpose.

I’ll add your tarot cards here only, because I think they make more sense if I read them all together.

Your tarot cards are,

4 of Cups, 3 of Wands, The Fool and The Empress

For all of you, I believe you guys are free to choose, free to welcome whatever you want this lunar eclipse. It is your own decision, whatever path you want to choose, whether it may be your love life, your career, you focusing on your own self, focusing on forming a community for yourself.

I mean the list feels endless. Lunar eclipse is a fated time for things, and for you I feel like whatever you want this time, you’ll get it. Like it is up to you to focus on whatever and receive what you are focusing on. I have also heard that you shouldn’t manifest during lunar eclipse, or eclipses in general, but honestly, if you are feeling called to do so, you should listen to that calling.

The oracle cards are also saying that it you who is going to decide, nothing will happen if you don’t want that to happen. Everything is your will. And when you want something, be really really intentional and determined about it. Affirm about the things, sit and visualize those things, journal about them. Like keep that thing in your prayers and your thoughts sort of a thing.

Sit and reflect on what you think is the thing you need and want right now. Be determined but also be open about it like The Fool, open to the possibilities of it happening, especially if it feels like its something impossible. Be really fkn assured that whatever youre choosing to want is for your greatest good and you cannot, and will not fuck it up. Its such a fun energy to be in, because I am honestly extremely scared of eclipses, and I just spend the whole season crying my eyes out. I hope y’all are feeling well, because it seems to me that lunar eclipse isn’t forcing you to focus on one thing and deal with it. It letting you take the wheel and nudging you to take the steps this time, and the eclipse will help you achieve that thing and get that thing.

You might be confused as well, you know, that usually eclipses have a greater impact, but nothing is happening right now kinda thing. If you have something in mind that you wanna focus on, you can also ask for a hint, or even take this reading as a confirmation!

Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3

Pile 2

Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!

For you, I saw a very barn type place, or like a farm-y place. It was very bright, sunny (not the kind where you’re all sweaty ugh), and there was a rainbow! I saw you being very very jolly, like literally sprinting and jumping with excitement and all the people you love, your friends and family were cheering you on from a distance.

Now, for your oracle cards, we have,

Harvest Witch: What sacrifices have you made for the greater vision of what is to be?

Adding your tarot cards here itself, because they give a better picture together,

The High Priestess, 10 of Pentacles, The World, 10 of Cups, 3 of Pentacles and The King of Pentacles

Now, the oracle card is talking about the chances you have taken to get out of your comfort zone, to get out of the habits of the current you, or the old you, in order to reach new heights. How much have you consciously put in the effort to grow and reach the highest of the heights you are supposed to achieve in this lifetime.

That’s the thing I saw when you were in that barn, that is such a happy version of you, and with the excitement that I saw, it really felt like either you were dreaming about it for a long time, or you just thought that this life was never possible for you.

Even with the tarot cards, they are telling you to follow your intuition, listen to it very closely. I think with the eclipse its calls would be getting louder by the minute, especially if you are missing the signs or outright ignoring the signs.

You are on a path to great success, you are yet to see the World and everything else that it offers, everything that you didn’t think it will offer.

I’m sure many of you might be content with where you are right now as well. But with this opportunity, you will feel content like never before. You know if you’ve got rose gold glasses on right now, pursuing this new path will give you ultra 4k HD rose gold glasses. There is a fulfilment you haven’t felt before, and it’s gonna come like fresh air to you, like you’ve breathed for the first time, like your lungs have felt the cleanest of the air in a long while.

Spirit might be showing you a collaboration or a partnership which is your ticket for this new world. You might be sitting frustrated about everything, and this opportunity will just drop in. Listen to your intuition, if its telling you to go for it, you better go for it. Don’t double guess it, listen to yourself and let your intuition get a breather because I think it’s been trying to get your attention for a while now!

Also, I think you might have to travel for this, like actually go some place far, which is why I saw your friends and family at a distance. But don’t worry, they are very happy for you and they are cheering you on, and obviously, you can always come back home for them!!

So get out there and you better enjoy the heck out of life!

Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3

Pile 3

Hey there loves! I hope lunar eclipse has treated you well!

I saw you making snow angels!! Very happy, healing your inner child sort of a thing (I’ve never made a snow angel and I really really wanna). It also makes me think of leaving an impression, or a lasting imprint. Like you say something to someone and it really sticks with them, or you’ve done something that people always remember, even years down the line, they are like “Oh you remember [Name] did this amazing thing that time?” and you are fondly remembered.

It can be a really small act of kindness also that people remember, or you’ve helped someone and that memory is you know forever in their hearts kind of a thing.

Okay, so for your oracle cards we have,

Falling Leaves: Let go of the things that weigh heavily on you; you deserve to take up space.

Crow: Pay close attention to the winds; there’s a message making its way.

The first card again tells you to take up space, which is what you do essentially when you are making snow angels! (11:11 pm make a wish~) You take up space, you do your thing, and that is where you create your mark, your identity. It shows that you were there, you existed, you took up your space, you’ve marked it as your own.

I also think, because of the snow, that the winter season might be important for you.

Also, with the crow card, you might get an idea, an epiphany sort of a thing from someone else. You know when you are walking and you hear someone else say something and it just clicks for you, that yes! That message was definitely for me. You know literally wind coming up to you with a message, because..sound…carries through air.

Oh and crows are also related to ancestors, so it might be that they are contacting you, or telling you something important. Maybe they have some ideas for you to create an impact on this world.

Now for your tarot cards,

Death, 9 of Cups, Ace of Swords, 3 of Pentacles, King of Pentacles and 8 of Pentacles

With all of this pentacle energy, I feel like whatever the eclipse is bringing you right now, its gonna be long term, or its gonna unfold over a long period of time.

There's something you have to let go of, or remove from your life in order to have greater emotional fulfillment. In reference to the snow angel as well, you're healing your inner child by taking up space in the snow, so it's sort of like you have to let go of that part of yourself which inhibits you from pursuing those things, you know that part of you which thinks “no ew its cringey” because you feel like you'll he judged, but in reality if you go and do that thing, it's gonna literally feel like you're enjoying it from deep within your soul.

The Ace of Swords also tells you that you are going to get a new idea, some sort of epiphany, which can help you in your career and generate alot of wealth for you as well.

You may come up with this idea on your own, and then partner up with someone (King of Pentacles) who already has some expertise in the area, or they have the resources to take your idea to the next level. At this time you might be getting constant downloads of ideas, or you'll be getting opportunities or signs about collaborations or partnerships.

Grab these opportunities with full force, you're gonna have a lot of fun!!!

Okay! This is all I have for you today! Thanks for reading <3

[problematicbyler]

an incomplete history of byler sexuality discourse

and how widespread fandom purity culture and homophobia created a flourishing nsfw sub-fandom

some may call me chronically online, but i call myself a fandom historian. i've been a member of some fandom or another since i was about thirteen, and i've always been interested in the rise and fall of fandom discourse. though it's annoying in the moment it's happening, i think it's very interesting and telling to look back at the overall arcs and trends.

so, let's talk about the many times the fandom has cancelled people over byler sexuality, and how each level of "hornygate" has contributed to the growth of the proship/byler smut community.

(i use the term proship in its intended definition, which is to say, not "problematic shipping," but rather being pro-fiction, anti-censorship, and anti-harassment; it is a position of believing the fiction one creates or consumes doesn't reflect a person's real life beliefs or morals.)

i have been a stranger things lover since season 1, a byler shipper since season 2, and an active part of the byler community on tumblr since season 4. i'll mostly be focusing on post-season 4 discourse because that's what i've really been most present for and that was the period that really marked a turning point in the fandom.

seasons 1-3

i wasn't as plugged into fandom discourse back in the day, but the broad strokes of early discourse was mostly thinly veiled homophobia. claiming that it was sexualization to assume will or mike could be queer despite blatant queer coding, implying that analysts were no better than will's bullies to assume his sexuality, etc etc. people were criticized for shipping byler at all because they were so young (but these people naturally had no issue with mileven, so, again, homophobia).

season 4 (may-july 2022)

now, season 4. this is where byler was brought to the attention of a lot more fans, and stranger things' viewership reached wider than ever. the byler fandom on tumblr booms from 4k to 100k over the course of season 4's release.

this brought a lot of new people who have never been in fandoms before, people who never learned don't like don't read or your kink is not my kink and that's okay or ship and let ship.

or, a lot of times, people who had only been in fandoms for celebrities and bands, which tend to have different rules when it comes to shipping and sex, because they're real people. hence a lot of young antis' conflation of character with their actors, but that's a different rant.

so with a rapidly growing fandom, a show ripe for analysis, and the art of media literacy bleeding out on the ground in front of us, the hellscape of the fandom post-season 4 in 2022 followed as such:

august 2022

jo/kendra gate where two extremely popular analysts were called out for "sexualizing" byler while being adults (early to mid 20s). they were dogpiled and harassed because one of them said that will was giving mike "bedroom eyes" (he was) and one of them said mike was checking will out (he was):

pyshiie and moogate. the proship side of byler twitter rose up and started to divide itself. i'll credit my own joining-the-dark-side to pyshiie and moo, formerly barbjeanisms, who were two popular artists called out respectively for sexualizing byler and generally being proship. similarly, people were called out and criticized for even following or interacting with those accounts after this discourse.

september 2022

hosegate is the most famous across the byler fandom, and it's when some users proposed that the scene in the pizzeria uses phallic imagery to imply mike turns will on (or vice versa) and a lot of people thought that was too sexualized, it caused a divide, and more fanpolicing, etc.

october 2022

the artist noodlesandtea was harassed for having liked arguably nsfw bakudeku art (they were shirtless, it wasn't explicit) on the same account where they draw characters who are minors. they also drew byler kissing, which was a problem for some? anyone who defended them was also called a pedo, naturally. noodles also got called out for having drawn fanart of the popular e-rated fanfiction....

the unmarked mixtape. a massively popular sequel to a massively popular fic, the red envelope. for a long time, those were the most widely recommended byler fics, but it very soon became taboo to even admit to reading them because the sequel has explicit sex and the first has them making out.

sonnet116 gate is another fic that was beloved and then rapidly turned on by byler twitter because it had implied, fade to black sex scenes. it was about them hooking up but had no smut. and even the non explicit idea of that was offensive and pedophilic of anyone who dared read it. around this time, another fic was called out for having will moaning into a kiss, because writing a teenager moaning was also offensive and pedophilic.

i'm told i (jana / troublebyler gate?) may have influenced a lot of people joining twitter for byler smut after writing illicit affairs and some other smutty oneshots in rapid succession, seeing a lot of byler shippers moving to the proship side of the fandom just to discuss and write byler smut. i also hosted a little fandom gossip column on my curiouscat where a lot of folks confessed to reading or writing smut while pretending to be "normal" in the "main" fandom. it basically revealed/implied that a large amount of popular authors, artists, and accounts were secretly pro byler smut, and that many proshippers were "undercover" in the "main" fandom.

the blocklist era. around this time the "main" fandom also created a "st twt safety" account on twitter which was basically targeted harassment and mass reporting of proshippers. the account does warn of some genuine bad actors sending gore images via dms, being racist, etc. but by far, the majority of it was simply calling out proshippers for sexualizing byler, sharing screenshots they thought were "gross," which only resulted in spreading nsfw content to unintended audiences of minors that likely never would have seen the nsfw accounts otherwise.

november 2022

practice kissing gate is where a handful of popular fic writers were criticized for writing practice kissing fics (such as undertow), and in fact, any amount of byler making out, because adults "fantasizing" about teenagers kissing was "gross."

the proship corner of st twitter continued to grow a lot thanks to so many lovely fan creators, all of whom i couldn't possibly list but who have done a lot for the community! but we continued to get bombarded with endless callout posts and block lists and witch hunting. people were unabashedly policing people's following lists and likes on twitter to call people out for engaging with any questionable users or content. (if you search byler twitter now you can still see the wreckage of so many witch hunts.)

onward through 2023

over time things have mostly calmed down, or at least enough of the folks on "opposing sides" of the fandom have mutually blocked each other to survive. this is likely also influenced by the hiatus leaving the fandom to quiet down, the collapse of twitter-turned-x having many users migrate their fandom content elsewhere, and the mass exodus of many people from the fandom for political reasons. if i had to guess, the ramp-up to season 5 will see all new conflict as more "casual" fans return to the fandom. but who's to say.

which brings us to now:

spicybylerpolls gate, wherein the byler tag on tumblr collectively had to reckon with the fact that people want byler to have sex and it doesn't make them creeps to vote in silly polls about it. people criticized the blog for being overly sexualized and pure fantasy versus more "acceptable" analysis, with many making sweeping moralizing statements about anyone who dared interact with the blog.

this has kicked off tumblr's own sort of horny revolution in encouraging folks to be more open on here, whereas previously we were confined to our corner of twitter.

so in summary:

people over and over again put fan creators on a pedestal just to turn on them when they're "betrayed" when a person's views did not one-to-one line up to theirs.

teens in the fandom especially were "betrayed" by adults in the fandom they thought were "safe" (and i would argue that self proclaimed "safe" adults in fandom are far more dangerous to real life minors than the proship fans who sexualize fictional characters but dont interact with real teens)

most everything has been fueled by widespread ageism at any fan over the age of 18, widespread homophobia and puritanism in regards to exploring queer sexuality or discussing sex at all

so much hate has been over what are essentially "thought crimes", with people watering down serious accusations like pedophilia into a petty insult over disagreements on fiction

and the cycle repeats itself endlessly until things devolve back into witch hunting and policing peoples following and likes etc

the best part to me is that every single cancellation just resulted in more people flooding to the horny side of the fandom to post more freely and without shame. every time a person on twitter posted screenshots of my account to say how "gross" it was (while simultaneously exposing my 18+ nsfw content to their audience of minors) i had a surge in followers. the more the fandom squeezes, the more people slip from its hold.

but that doesn't make the harassment campaigns okay, and it doesn't mean the fandom didn't do massive amounts of harm to real people in an attempt to protect fictional characters.

my hope going forward is that the fandom can coexist as a community where people don't have to like or agree with certain content to treat the people who create it with respect and dignity. and i hope that, while this side of the fandom might grow more on tumblr, we don't have to relive the same old discourses and go through the same cycles we went through on twitter.

and remember kids, the block button is both free and fun.

[whateverisbeautiful]

♥️ Ranking Richonne

#13: I Love You (S8E14)

Ahhhh probably one of the most anticipated exchanges between Rick and Michonne, and of course, it was sensational. This scene powerfully reiterated that these soulmates truly mean the world to each other. And after seasons of communicating those special three words through every look, touch, kiss, and conversation, we finally got to hear Rick and Michonne directly say what's always been true - they love each other 🥰 Wholly, Deeply, and Forever...

This ily moment, adorably spoiled by our lovely captains 😋, is so tender and heartfelt while also being so natural and clear that these two have been verbally expressing I Love You’s for a while. 

(Side note: I know there’s often debate on Rick’s hottest season lookswise, and really you could make a great case for any season, but lemme just place my vote here for season 8 right quick. 😊 Something about Season 8 Rick was extra fine. I feel bad cuz he was in pain all season, which I truly hate to see...but Rick was looking real right even while everything was going wrong ijs. even tho I think Rick Grimes' TOWL era is about to take the cake 🤭)

Something I so love about Rick and Michonne's relationship is that whenever they go through hardship they ultimately step closer rather than apart. They always eventually close the distance, which was evident in this lovely 'I love you' scene.

And I feel grateful that after experiencing such a devastating loss of their son, Carl, (why, TWD, why? 😭) and having to go on their journeys of grief, Rick and Michonne find their way back to each other truly in this moment. It doesn’t always go that way when a couple loses a kid as we’ve seen from other characters in this very series. But for Rick and Michonne, what they have is so unbreakable that, even in the hardest storm, their love still shines through, rises above, guides, and centers them.

So reflecting on Richonne's I Love You scene will forever have me like...

There’s also a beautiful and heart-rending honorable mention scene in this ep where Rick wipes Michonne's tears and Michonne opens up with Rick (and even makes reference to her son Andre 😭) while trying to help him heal at Hilltop instead of running out and about to get away from his grief.

But Rick still has a bit of savage Rick to get out of his system, so he and Morgan go hunt down some saviors first.

(Side note: while we're talking season 8, this 100th ep kiss in the season 8 premiere also deserves a big honorable mention because...🥵🔥🔥)

When Rick returns to Hilltop after wildin out with Morgan, he’s finally gained clarity on what he needs to start focusing on and who he needs to be healing with. Which leads to him saying those three very special words to the very special woman in his life. 🤗

So the scene starts with Rick returning to his room in a clean fresh tee, showing a clean fresh start to me. (Also Rick + a white tee has been a great combo since season 1, y'all) And he finally knows it’s time to let his wife and son guide him and read Carl's letter.

Michonne enters sorta hesitant I think because when Rick and Morgan returned they def looked like they had dabbled in the dark side out in those woods, and so she might be wondering what headspace Rick's in after whatever he just did.

But the thing about magnets is they always find their way back to each other and so Rick's not grown more distant but rather more aware of how he needs to navigate this season with her.

She finds him holding the letter, and Rick first says, "Thank you." Again, I love that Rick always thanks Michonne. Like as early as when they were strangers in s3, Rick has always vocally expressed gratitude for Michonne. And, in this moment, he knows how much Michonne has been his rock during this unbearable time as well as still fighting for their son Carl and his wishes, and so Rick thanks her for it. Her presence in his life is invaluable and he knows it.

Also, I adore the shared breath they both take when he says this. #TheyAreOne. And Michonne's so relieved that Rick has arrived at this point in his grieving journey.

Then Rick says he’s sorry which is also great cuz he knows going out and handling all this alone is not how magnets do. And Michonne is so understanding when she says, "You don't have to be."

It's just more proof that she is the exact kind of loving presence Rick needs in his life because she’s so good at both accountability and empathy. (Also in 4.09, Rick tells Carl sorry, and Carl also responds with, "You don't have to be." 😭)

And then Rick, knowing how blessed he is to have Michonne love him and stand with him through it all, turns to her and so tenderly says, "I love you." Beautiful x10. 🥹✨

I love how melodic it's said. 🥰 It’s this lovely quiet moment and Rick says it truly like it is a reassuring reminder of something he has expressed to her often and feels deeply.

I love that he turns to really look her in the eyes and has this little nod and subtlest smile when he says 'I love you.' And you just know he genuinely means this. It’s so great, and I could replay it 1000 times idc. 

And Michonne really does complete the perfection when she so movingly says, "I love you too." 🥹✨

Again, you can feel how much she means this. The emotion on Rick's face, when he hears his wife say she loves him too shows that he also can feel how much they both mean this, especially as a small tear can be seen. They are everything to each other. 🥲

(Side note: One of the many reasons why I was so elated to hear Rick call Michonne his wife in that TOWL trailer (which I'm still there btw - haven't left since I first heard it 😋) is because we who love their love story of course already knew he views her as his wife (since 2016) and that he'd refer to her as that in the spinoff series, but by saying it in the trailer it showed that this isn't some big reveal they have to wait to say in the new show. Michonne has been his wife for the longest. Rick has viewed her as his wife for seasons. Their marriage is not a new TOWL development, it is an element of TWD. And scenes like this ily scene in season 8 make that crystal clear. (also I cannot wait to hear Rick call Michonne his "wife" even more and to hopefully hear Michonne call Rick her husband 😊)

I adore that we had so many moments of Rick and Michonne communicating 'I love you' to each other in different ways leading up to this point, and then this scene gifted us with the actual direct ILY exchange between them, and of course it was perfect and proof that...

I really feel confident this wasn't intended to be R&M's first time ever saying "I love you" directly either. In this scene, both of them seemed to communicate it in a way that said this is something they've said before and often. (like it feels like they don't show Michonne's facial expression upon hearing Rick say 'I love you' because this isn't a first. She's heard that man tell her this several times before 😋)

I like to think that why these season 8 'I love you's carry so much weight right here and now is because it might be the first time they've said it to each other post-losing Carl. 😭

How heartwarming is it to know that even in a sea of pain, Rick and Michonne still want each other to know that while their whole world has been changed, the one thing that hasn't changed is their love for each other. 🥹

Their love story is just heavenly. To go from staring at each other through a prison fence and thinking they’d patch her up and then she’d be gone to now declaring their love. Perfection. 🙌🏾

And ILY’s do not seem like a phrase either Rick or Michonne take lightly or would just say to anybody. For them to express this and fall in love with someone, the connection was going to have to be deep and special. And what they found with each other is the deepest love so of course they can tell each other these 3 words with ease.

And because Richonne is the gift that keeps on giving the scene doesn’t stop there. Michonne then approaches Rick and lovingly takes his face in her hands as they share a sweet kiss. 🥹

And only Richonne can make their movement after the kiss feel as passionate and intimate as the kiss itself. Cuz after finally connecting like they’ve been longing to do, Rick and Michonne stay in the moment, looking deep into each other's eyes before leaning their heads against each other with that blessed mirror giving us all the angles. 😍

I love that mirror, y'all. 😋 I'm deeming that mirror and the set designer who placed it there some Richonners cuz, baby, they knew what we needed to see...

The way Rick and Michonne touch each other is always electric, and I love that they seriously feel like one as she rests her hand on his heart and he gently moves his hand up her side. These actors are so gifted at not wasting a single moment or action because they communicate Richonne's love in every second of a scene.

(and when richonne inevitably does that signature forehead touch in TOWL, after years apart...y'all I just might ascend to the heavens right then and there 😇)

It’s also sweet the way Michonne looks at Rick before leaving for him to have this time alone to connect with his son and read the letter.

Having the scene end with Rick reading his son's letter in a whole mirror as opposed to the shattered mirror he saw himself in earlier in the ep, is lovely. And it speaks to the power of Richonne that Rick could arrive at this point, ready to slowly but surely start healing. 

“I love you” really is communicated in every Richonne scene. And while season 8 was a weak one overall, one thing it did well was illustrate the stunning strength of Rick and Michonne’s exquisite and powerful love.

And I love knowing that, thanks to TOWL, we're sure to have some more Richonne "I Love You" moments in store. #GiftThatKeepsOnGivingAndGiving 😌

[kedsandtubesocks]

seasons of you (year 1 - winter)

Blacksmith!Frankie Morales x F!Reader

summary: your first winter in the valley brings in a frosty breeze & a push towards a certain blacksmith

warnings/tags: 18+ ONLY MDNI, stardew valley AU, reader is a farmer & has a family but no physical description, shy & sweet!Frankie, major pining & yearning, friends to something more, Frankie being previously married/a bit secretive about his life, gift exchange as love language, use of nickname (Frankie calls reader “little farmer” affectionately but it’s no reflection on reader’s size), blooming romance

word count: 5.6k

a/n: we’ve arrived to Frankie’s first piece in our Stardew AU series! We’re starting ‘in the middle of things’ & it’s meant to show how slow/shy our relationship with Frankie unfolds that romance just starts rolling now, plus I needed Frankie’s story to begin this way so something else can maybe unfold in year two but that’s all I’m gonna saying lol, again couldn’t have done this without @lowlights @swiftispunk @perotovar & @burntheedges you babes are my guiding stars always and I’m eternally grateful. And to you, if you’re reading this, thank you too lovely

Snow crunches under your boots and the chilly air seeping through your coat feels different. This would be your first serious winter storm and you already sense it approaching.

Yanking open the blacksmith’s door, a wave of heat washes over and you sigh.

Thankfully Frankie’s shop is still open and you almost cry relieved.

“Sorry!” You apologize walking further towards the counter. “I know there’s five minutes left before closing, but I just wanted to swing by!”

You wanted to pick up your newly forged ax before the storm hit and of course…

You wanted to see him.

Autumn kept you so busy with the farm and the fall festival. Now you hope to see more of your favorite blacksmith.

Waiting for him, your eyes wander.

The shop, with its eternal flame flickering, holds so much personality in its walls. A military pilot flag hangs by the front. The low radio plays a soft rock ballad. A bulletin board by the side of the counter is covered in various flyers and photos. Your favorite snapshots are one of a smiling little baby girl with sweet chubby cheeks you still haven’t gotten to ask Frankie who she is. There’s another photo of a group of men in military uniform.

It’s all so familiar and welcoming now.

With all the time in the mines, you wonder if maybe your pickaxe needs work too. Sliding your backpack off, you examine your trusty tool. Worn, but not weathered, the steel speaks of the craftsmanship and skill of the blacksmith who first forged it for you.

“You waiting for that tool to do something or should I leave you two alone?”

Frankie.

You fight back a smile when his warm deep teasing voice floats in.

Frankie wasn’t this easy going with you at first. He kept his distance, was polite but rather reserved.

“He’s just shy. He was like that when I first moved in too,” Leah, your closest friend here in the valley, reassured you one night at the saloon.

Now those beautiful gem eyes of Francisco Morales blaze straight at you as he walks towards the counter. Wearing his trademark baseball cap you playfully glare at him.

“I’m just checking to see if I need to complain to my blacksmith about my pickaxe needing work.” You quip back to him.

“Oh well shit, thank god that isn’t me.” Frankie smirks and you snort at his comment.

Frankie reminds you of the flames and steel he works with. Hard working and gently intense, yet a warmth gleams beneath him and fills an entire room just like the heat from his kilns.

“You just had to come in five minutes before I closed huh?” Frankie sighs dramatically.

You think he’s teasing but guilt still strikes you quick. Rambling out apologies, you scramble to explain how it’s mainly for precaution with the storm coming.

“I can always come back later!” You urge panicking.

He chuckles, cozily deep, and you sputter to a stop.

“I kid little farmer, I kid.”

That nickname he so casually gave to you just this month sparks an electric warmth through your entire body. You weakly laugh back, not able to fully process a reply.

Frankie’s gorgeous features, his striking nose, and his warm eyes disarm you in a way that makes your knees want to fold.

He moves around the tables and workbenches to pull out your ax.

“There it is!” You happily cheer.

Frankie even playfully shows off the sleek new tool like he’s a hostess in a daytime game show and you clap appreciatively while you laugh. It surprises you how silly sometimes Frankie can be.

Moving back to the counter he places your ax onto it. Then he leans towards you and begins explaining what upgrades he did.

You should be listening, but you can’t. Not with him leaning so close to you.

You’ve had an embarrassing crush on Frankie since the first moment Mayor Lewis introduced you to him. But with how busy you’ve been settling into the valley, along with how shy and reserved Frankie is, your feelings simply have stayed crystallizing inside you.

Frankie’s diligent eyes are so focused on his work and it’s beautiful. He’s beautiful. How dedicated he is to his craft, how quietly passionate he is, you yearn to fall into him more.

Suddenly Frankie’s eyes flicker up and catch you staring at him. In a panic your gaze snaps down to your tool.

“Yup! Looks like it can still cut a tree! Good job, Morales.” You lamely reply and Frankie snorts.

You do sincerely thank him and even offer to get him coffee for making him stay this late.

Frankie waves you off casually. “Maybe next time, besides you gotta get home before the storm hits.”

He’s right. There's still so much you need to do before the night comes. The clatter of Frankie slowly shutting everything down for the night draws you out of your thoughts.

“Do you need any help?” You offer.

“Nah, I’m good. Plus I don’t need your pretty hands getting burned.” Frankie replies back.

Although he’s not looking at you, his sly compliment sends a spark through your body.

Scrambling to put your ax in its guard and then shoving it into your backpack, you thank Frankie again and plan to quietly leave.

“Wait!” Frankie suddenly calls out and you freeze.

“Wait, don’t head out yet. Let me walk you home.”

The chill from outside settles into the shop now that the fires are extinguished. Yet, Frankie’s words ignite a dizzying heat.

“Oh no it’s okay!” You quickly stammer out as a nervous energy spikes in you.

You know he lives besides the forge. It wouldn’t make sense for him to walk you home then have to head the way back here.

The lights from the back area turn off and Frankie already walks out towards you with his coat on.

Your eyes go wide.

“Come on.” He gently nudges you with his kind eyes and your body moves on autopilot.

Once outside the cold galvanizes you. The sky above stretches out a misty blue while the edges of evening’s midnight coloring slowly creeps in.

The entire walk back to your farm Frankie stays in step with you. The conversation is light, easy, simple talk of how his and your day went. Your heart hammers in your chest. Yet, it’s comforting to have someone beside you. He’s warm and stays close.

Now your farm stretches before you a soft welcome home. Frankie, like the gentleman he is, walks you to the door.

Appreciative, you warmly thank him and wish him a safe trip back home.

“Thanks and stay warm, little farmer.” He grins softly, kind.

After a sweet wave goodbye to him, you walk off the porch to do all the final errands before you call it a night.

“Wait, what’re you doing?” Frankie suddenly calls out and curiosity colors his voice.

You glance back and see he hasn’t moved an inch.

With an eased sleepy smile you tell him you have a few last minute things you need to do. Like check on your winter seeds, double check the coop and then make sure the pipes are covered.

“You need help?” He warmly asks concerned and sincere.

“Oh no, I’m good I promise!” You reply. If you were braver you’d joke about not wanting to hurt his pretty hands.

“Besides, you need to get home.” You firmly tell him.

It’s getting darker, not completely night out, but you feel guilty for Frankie walking out here.

So with one final sigh you give him a warm goodbye.

“Stay warm tonight, Morales.”

Frankie quietly grins back and you hope he makes it home safe. Now your focus turns to the small field and you kneel before it.

Your winter seeds aren’t ready just yet. A dread fills you wondering if they will last against the storm.

“What are you growing?”

Frankie.

You didn’t even hear his footsteps in the snow. Whipping your head up you watch Frankie lean down to squat beside you.

“You should be walking home!” You cry out surprised.

Frankie shrugs sleepily. “It’s still early, I’ll be fine.”

You make an indignant squeak that makes him chuckle. Frankie’s eyes return to the little saplings still making their way through the snow, stubbornly growing against the harsh winter.

“They’re just winter seeds.” You sigh explaining how you’ve been growing them mainly for the experience and money.

“You think they’re gonna make it?” He asks gently.

You hope so.

You’re about to get up when Frankie quickly stands above with his hand outstretched to you. Even though your hands are gloved and so are his, a flutter runs through your chest when you place your hand in his. Frankie lifts you up effortlessly and you thank him, trying to steady yourself.

“Alright, what’s next?” Frankie asks light.

“For you to go home, Morales!” You laugh.

“Well you’re walking towards the barn so…kinda doesn’t seem like you’re finished yet.” Frankie comments almost shyly as he stays walking beside you.

“I’m not, but I don’t need your help. Go home!” You urge with a weak laugh. Frankie simply shrugs.

Sliding open the coop door, warmth begs you to come inside. You’re thankful for investing in those barn heaters.

“Your chickens are so big.” Frankie admires quietly in awe at the sleeping birds.

You smile while double checking the coop. Everything seems secure and safe for whatever might come this way tonight.

Stepping back outside the cold air seems still, quiet.

“You need to head home.” You tell him sternly, more worried than ever about his walk back to town.

“What’s next?” He asks with steeled resolve in his voice with no sign of leaving.

“Go home Francisco.” You firmly urge saying his full name.

But then you catch the sight of your pipes and sigh. So you almost did forget to wrap them.

“You didn't wrap your pipes?” He sounds a bit worried.

“I thought I did earlier��” Now you’re extra grateful for double checking.

When the first snow came at the start of winter, everyone reassured you the pipes would be fine. It was during harder snow storms, blizzards, that you needed to be careful. And now one approaches fast.

Frankie follows you inside the house to grab the necessary materials.

You can’t even process him being in your home for the first time. Simply on a mission you and him work together swiftly grabbing duck tape, a ratty old towel and head to the pipes.

It’s a swift team effort. In minutes, the pipes are securely wrapped safely and snug. You and him even share a triumphant high five.

“I wish I could invite you in for a thank you hot chocolate but you need to head home now.” You press.

Frankie, with his hands in his coat pockets, shrugs easily.

“I can stay for some thank you hot coco.” He offers.

“You gotta get home before the storm hits!” You shriek.

He waves you off casually. “It’s not coming till later tonight I’ll be fine. Now come on, don’t you wanna impress me with your hot chocolate skills?”

The smirk he gives you is so boyishly charming, almost like he’s daring you to invite him in.

This side of him is rare. You’ve only seen him get this smug and cocky at the saloon during a game of darts. Now your heart flutters fast in your chest.

“Come on,” He pouts. “Think of this as a way to help keep me warm on the walk back.”

He makes a point. The panic of wanting him to make it home safe before the storm, becomes smaller against the thought of spending more time with this man.

To have this man in your home.

So with a sigh of defeat you crack. Nudging your chin towards the door, you let Frankie in.

He’s in your home now. You need to stay composed.

You do have budding feelings for him, something that’s evolved out of the simple crush you had. And having him here in your home feels like dipping your toe into the deep end of a pool before jumping in. But you shake those thoughts away.

“Your place is nice.” Frankie admires and you thank him.

It’s still small, cozy now that you’re slowly allowing yourself to fully settle into the old bones of your grandpa’s home.

You want to say more until Frankie’s stomach suddenly growls.

Looking at him with surprised eyes, he stares back with beautiful eyes the size of the full moons.

“Shit.”

You laugh at his panicked response.

“You okay with maybe staying and having a quick dinner or should I really kick you out so you can head home?” You leave the option up to him, place the ball in his court.

Frankie with the most bashful smile slides off his coat.

“Dinner sounds great, little farmer.”

Your heart floats up and gets tangled in your throat, but it’s incredible.

You have the leftover lasagna Evelyn gave you as a thank you. But you also think of the soup recipe you've been dying to make for this weather.

So you leave it up to your guest for the night.

“Soup or leftover lasagna?” You offer light.

Frankie’s eyebrows scrunched together adorable, thinking hard at the two options, and you keep back a giggle.

“Will the soup take you a while to make?” He sounds sweetly concerned.

You swear it will take less than twenty minutes.

“Soup it is.” Frankie grins and it touches his eyes.

You begin grabbing the various ingredients and hate how hyper aware you feel even in your own house.

“So what can I help with?” Frankie now slides beside you and you almost squeak in surprise.

For someone who makes so much noise when he works, you find he’s rather quiet, swift.

“You’re my guest, so don’t worry. Plus you’ve helped enough!” You shoo him away and don’t miss the way he playfully glares at you.

Conversation again unfolds effortlessly with him. Frankie talks about how Mayor Lewis was in the shop earlier bragging about you hitting a full year in the valley.

“And here I thought everyone had stopped gossiping about me.” You snort lightly and start grabbing the bowls.

It will be a full year since you moved to your grandpa’s family farm. However, you wonder when the newness of you living here will subside.

“There’s… still some gossip of course. Small town after all.” Frankie admits shyly, like a school boy admitting a secret.

“But don’t worry, I don’t let any of ‘em talk bad about you in my shop.” Frankie, endearingly sweet, adds. His words knock you breathless and you almost drop the bowls.

“I knew I could count on you, Morales.” You manage to say with a grin.

Thankfully quick, the soup turns out comforting and delicious. Frankie even gushes about how incredible it is and your ego inflates wild.

“Thanks so much for dinner.” Frankie beams with the brightness of a sun.

“Please, I’m the one who’s thankful for all your help.” You earnestly tell him.

“Plus, it’s nice to have good company for dinner.” You add.

“I understand,” Frankie nods. “Gets a bit quiet around my place too. S’nice to change it up.”

A dual sided emotion settles in you. You ache understanding but also yearn to uncover more about this beautiful and sturdy man.

Before you can dive more into this discussion, Frankie’s phone rings wild and loud. Hastily scrambling to grab it, once he discovers who’s calling his face drops for a flicker of a moment.

“Sorry little farmer, but gotta excuse myself real quick is that alright?” His voice wavers.

Of course you earnestly reassure him and even direct him to the bathroom so he can talk in private. Frankie thanks you graciously then rushes out.

The house is quiet and he didn’t fully close the bathroom door fully. So his conversation leaks out enough for you to catch it.

“Wait, so you wannna just spring this on me now?” His voice slices out sharp. You’ve never heard Frankie sound this upset.

“Yes of course I’m gonna take her. But do you know how fucking shitty this is, Diana? Did you even think about my schedule before you fucking planned this trip?” He snaps.

You’ve also never heard him curse and it snaps your snipe straight. He sighs incredibly frustrated and angered, allowing whoever is on the phone to talk.

“Oh yeah, yeah, real fucking nice. Always make me the bad guy, right?”

Then Frankie starts speaking fast and low in Spanish you can’t catch what he’s saying. His tone however feels barbed and venomous.

So many questions bubble up. You believe you heard the name ‘Diana’ but this could be a conversation about anything.

Now thinking about it, even though you’ve been here almost a full year… you don’t know much about Frankie personally and that truth sinks your heart.

Silence now settles into your home until Frankie’s footsteps echo returning down the hall.

“I’m so sorry.” Frankie’s voice jolts the air but with a deep sadness. “I think I’m gonna have to save that cup of hot chocolate for another day.”

You kind of figured. Besides, you didn’t want him to get caught in the storm.

Outside the air has chilled, but thankfully the snow hasn’t begun.

“Had a great time tonight, thanks again for having me for.” An earnest grace radiates from his words.

You’re the one who’s truly thankful for him and you repeatedly tell him that.

Unfortunately a dread hits you. You want to make sure he makes it home. Your worry must be evident on your face because Frankie’s eyes cloud with caution.

“Wait, what’s wrong?”

When you tell him, a beautiful relief melts on Frankie’s face that you almost wish you could capture.

“Oh come on, that’s easy to fix, little farmer.”

He pulls out his phone and hands it to you.

He’s asking for your number.

Your heart beats so rapidly in your ears when you type your digits in.

“I’ll message you when I get home. Promise.” His warm voice is gilded with truth.

“Stay safe okay Frankie?” You tell him and his gorgeous eyes soften.

“Yeah, will do. And you stay safe too okay, little farmer? Stay warm and if you need anything.”

He holds his phone up and playfully wiggles it, a signal to say you should call him. You smile unbearably big and stay on the porch watching him leave until he vanishes from your sight.

You keep busy so you’re not simply staring at your phone waiting for his message. You clean up the remnants of dinner and feel comforted seeing two bowls in your sink.

Then your phone chimes and you scramble.

An message from an unknown number:

[Made it home safe!]

Another message flickers in.

[Also this is Frankie btw :)]

[Hi! 🪓]

The little ax emoji he adds makes you giggle giddy over how adorable this man can be.

You add his name and contact info into your phone. It warms you better than any sip of hot chocolate could.

- ❆ -

“Why do we even gotta celebrate ice?” One of the kids, you think Vincent, shouts that as you reach the edge of the forest and you snicker.

When you heard about the festival of ice, it simply sounded like a way for the town to break up the winter days. But it also reminded you how earnest and endearing the town can be.

Your heart jumps fast spotting Frankie bundled in his cozy jacket. He stands close to Willy and the two of them talk low, completely engaged with each other.

Whatever they’re discussing seems serious, evident in Frankie’s hard frown and Willy’s unusual somber expression. You decide not to interrupt them.

The fishing game is the highlight of the festival and to no shock the town’s head fisherman wins.

“It’s rigged.” You tease Willy and his hearty laugh is contagious.

“Don’t worry, next year you’ll be puttin’ me to shame.” Willy proudly declares.

When the event concludes for the day, Frankie already walks off without saying a word to you.

You try not to think about it too much.

When you’re about to head to bed, you find a message alert on your phone.

Frankie:

[Good try with the fishing tournament today! Sorry I didn’t get to talk to you today… have a lot of stuff going on. Also Willy wins every year. Think Lewis even adds fish into his crate to make sure it happens lol you’re the real winner in my book ]

You laugh as warmth balloons rapidly in your chest.

This message feels like a true victory for the day and it carries you for the rest of the week. Especially with how hard and brisk this final season of the year is.

Everyone warned you winter would be tough, and with your greenhouse still unfixed you’re realizing how true the warning is.

The days drag and bleed together. You throw yourself into the mines trying to gather more resources but that drains you fast. So you start doing a few errands around town to break up the days.

When Frankie requests a certain amount of wood you scramble quickly to complete the errand.

Inside the blacksmith shop, the familiar warmth greets you. However when Frankie walks out, a weariness looms over him. Heavy bangs hang around his eyes even as he smiles thin.

“Hey.” His voice is weary.

“Hey.” You reply back hesitantly. “I uh…have the wood you asked for.”

“Oh shit really?” He perks up. “Thanks, little farmer.”

You beam proud knowing you managed to at least brighten his day a little.

“Wait here, let me get your payment.”

You almost want to tell him that wasn’t necessary, but Frankie scrambles for his wallet.

“So, how ya been?” He asks.

“Good.” You partially lie. “How have you been?”

“Good.” He answers quickly, however you sense a lie buried.

You weakly smile. Exhausted, Frankie barely grins back and a pang pierces through you.

“Hey… Frankie.” You begin weakly. Frankie, midway pulling out your payment, freezes and blinks towards you.

“Yeah, little farmer what’s up?”

You know this might not mean much but you want to at least tell him.

“I just…” the words get stuck in your throat but with a deep inhale you unclog them.

“You just seem tired. I appreciate how hard you work but I just hope you get some rest when you can.” You tell him earnestly. “And… if there’s anything bothering you, I just wanted you to know you can always talk to me.”

You finish and hope you didn’t overstep.

Frankie’s gemstone eyes flicker stunned and then he sighs.

For the first time, Frankie slips his very notable baseball cap off and runs a hand over his hair.

His soft hat hair, the way you get this new glimpse of Frankie, lights something within your chest. You’ve never seen him without his cap. When he slips the baseball hat back on, his eyes seem cloudy and downcast.

“Thanks little farmer, appreciate it.” He mutters with another sigh. “It’s just stupid shit with my ex wife that’s taking longer than I expected to work out.”

Frankie’s words catapult you straight out of the atmosphere and your blood runs cold.

Ex wife.

Frankie was married before.

“I shouldn’t let it bother me and I don’t wanna be that type of ex husband, but holy shit she can be so damn difficult.” He shakes his head.

This feels like you’re meeting him again for the first time. But you’re grateful he’s sharing this with you.

“I’m sorry you have to deal with this and with her being difficult.” You reply with a soft comfort.

“You’re a good guy Frankie. I hope she doesn’t make you forget that.” You add, meaning those words.

You and him might have just recently become closer, but this entire year you’ve been living in Pelican Town Frankie’s been so sincerely kind. Always being patient with you and how awful you sometimes are to your poor tools. Even just seeing his soft shy smile when you run into him has brightened your day many times.

Frankie’s eyes finally flicker to you. They search your face like he’s waiting for you to react.

His mouth opens slightly.

Then he says your name, breathes it out, and it kickstarts a wild flutter in your heart.

But the door suddenly yanks open wildly behind you, cutting him off rapidly.

Robin, the town’s ever handy carpenter, arrives with a warm welcome drawing all the attention to her. The moment flutters away with her entrance. With a fast goodbye to Frankie and a swift warm greeting to Robin, you scramble fast to leave.

“Wait I didn’t-”

You don’t even wait to hear what Frankie has to say before you’re out of the door and back into the cold winter air. With so many thoughts buzzing in your head like angry hornets you simply head to the mines.

You stay there until the dead of night and drag your body back to farm. Even with how tired you are, your mind still thinks of a certain blacksmith.

The next morning there are two letters waiting for you. One is from Lewis reminding you of the upcoming Winter Star festival. The other is from Frankie.

Your heart jumps fast.

Little farmer,

Thanks for thinking of me and wanting to look out for me. Appreciate it a lot. Also you forgot your payment yesterday, silly! Don’t work yourself too hard either. So you get some rest too, alright?

Hope you swing by again and maybe soon we’ll have time for that hot chocolate :)

He not only sent you the payment for the errand but also a sweet pack of maple bars.

An overwhelming sweetness consumes you and you wish it never leaves.

The next day you plan to make Frankie a hot chocolate to bring him in the morning. But you realize you used the last remaining bits a few nights ago when you snuggled in for a cozy reading night. You mentally kick yourself but decide a green tea will hopefully be the best second option.

The minute Frankie’s shop opens you’re there the first one inside.

“You’re here early.” Frankie greets you with crinkled smiling eyes.

“Thought I’d stop by before I head to the mines.” You reply back brightly.

“It’s not hot cocoa, but I hope it’s a nice treat.” You offer lightly while you hand him the cozy to go drink.

“You got this for me? Thanks so much.” Your heart flutters hearing how warm his voice gets.

He takes a sip and his eye brows shoot up under the cover of his hat. Oh no. Does he not like it?

“Is this green tea?” His voice jumps so excited. “I love green tea!”

His brilliant smile creates a sun bursting light in your chest and you’re a bit grateful now you ran out of hot chocolate.

- ❆ -

Gus is a full five minutes into his handmade candy cane discussion and while you adore the endearing saloon owner, you can only take so much.

The feast of the evening star still warms and eases you though. The twinkling decorations, the absolute grand festive tree, the delicious food - it’s all a cozy blanket to soak into.

So you allow dear Gus to ramble about his candy canes while you sip on your warm drink.

“So who’s your secret gift recipient?”

Frankie’s soft but playful voice catches you off guard and you almost sputter out your drink.

You caught sight of him earlier but he was busy laughing with Pierre and Caroline. Then you got caught up in greeting everyone. Now you’re thankful to finally talk to him.

“You know that’s a secret.” You playfully glare at him.

The blacksmith simply shrugs but the amusement tugging his lips makes you smile.

A beautiful flush crawls over Frankie’s face. A kaleidoscopic joy sparkles in his deep eyes. He seems better and joy fills you.

“So does that mean you’re not gonna tell me what your winter star wish is?” He asks light.

You roll your eyes, but giddiness consumes you fast.

“You tell me yours and I’ll tell you mine.” You surprisingly coyly reply.

Frankie snorts and his face crinkles up adorable.

“If I told ya, you probably wouldn’t even believe me.” He says casually then takes a sip of his drink.

“Wait,” you reply back. “Now you gotta tell me.”

Frankie doesn’t reply for a moment.

In the stillness of this moment, you notice how close he is. He’s leaning right beside you that you can smell the faint smoke of his work, and a crisp cologne you’ve never noticed before.

Then, you see it. His stunning amber gemstone eyes flicker to your lips.

It’s fast, happens in a breath of a moment. Your throat dries. You blame the warm food and festive atmosphere, but you ache to lean closer.

Before you can react or even wait for Frankie’s next move, Mayor Lewis claps loudly, breaking the spell.

“Time to exchange gifts everybody!” He declares.

Your body feels electric and immediately you try settling yourself down. You needed to give your gift.

Jodi, the sweet mother she is, deserves a nice sweet treat and you surprise her with a fully cooked chocolate cake. Her warm excited reaction is a treat itself.

Evelyn, ever the kind grandmother, gives you a pack of her delicious and warm cookies. You hug her tight thanking her.

The festival concludes with a gentle end and fizzles out softly. The clean up is eased, relaxed, and by the time it’s finished an unfortunately long yawn takes over you.

“Can I walk ya home, little farmer? You seem tired.”

Frankie again, so stealthy, suddenly appears out of thin air.

You squeak out a quick yes and his face melts soft.

“So a full year down huh? Hope we haven’t scared you off too badly.” Frankie offers hopeful.

It has been a year, feels like so much yet so little has been composed into your new life here in Pelican Town. You think of the dilapidated community center you’ve been keeping an eye on and working on.

You’ve taken this new journey slowly, at your own pace. You can almost hear your grandpa’s voice cheering you on saying just take it one step at a time.

“No way.” You laugh answering Frankie’s question. If anything, you’ve grown more attached to the valley than you ever imagined. You even tell Frankie this and his face lights up so beautifully it rivals the festival tree standing in the town plaza.

“Everything work out with your ex?” You ask gently and then sputter out an apology if you’ve overstepped.

Frankie chuckles. “Nah, I’m glad we can talk about it.”

That comforts you.

“And yeah, thankfully everything worked out.” Frankie grins sleepily. “I’m still really sorry you had to hear that.”

“No worries! And like what you just said, I’m glad I can be here for you. That’s what friends are for, remember?” You reassure him.

“Yeah, friends.” The way his voice hangs on the word friends gets tangled in your chest.

A quietness clouds the walk.

“So Gus tell you about homemade candy canes?” Until Frankie’s light voice breaks the silence and you laugh.

It might have been a slow start becoming friends with Frankie. But you’re glad, grateful, to finally arrive here.

Arriving at your farm you thank Frankie again.

“If it wasn’t so late I really would invite you in for that hot chocolate I’ve been promising you.” You sigh. You even begged Gus for a new pack just to be stocked up.

“Don’t worry about it. There will be another night, promise.” His words are gilded in a promise you want to treasure.

He suddenly says your name and now under the light of your porch, Frankie seems bashful as his eyes flicker around.

“I, uh, kind of have something for you.”

That takes you by surprise.

“Couldn’t give it to you earlier cause I know Mayor Lewis would’ve had my ass.” Frankie dryly snorts and then pulls out something concealed in the classic brown paper wrapping he uses at his shop.

“Happy feast of the winter star, little farmer.” He delicately hands it to you and your eyes feel as if they’re going to pop out any moment.

You cry in protest that he didn’t need to get you anything and guilt rushes in. You didn’t get him anything.

“Eh,” he shrugs. “No pasa nada.”

You’ve only caught small bits of him speaking Spanish before and now hearing him speak so casual sounds beautiful.

Unwrapping the surprise gift, you discover he got you an iridium bar and you inhale sharply.

You haven’t even been able to forge one yet. The most precious, coveted, type of metal bar and he just casually gave one to you right now.

“Francisco Morales, this is too much!” You shriek.

He laughs buoyantly and loud at your reaction.

“Trust me, it’s not. Besides, seen how hard you work. How much you do for me and the town. You deserve it.”

You don’t want to get emotional, but the tears clogging your throat say otherwise. Those tears and the bubbling emotions, gratitude and all other shades of thankfulness, overtake you. Before you can stop yourself you rush to Frankie and collide into him.

You hug him best as you can but realize what you’ve just done. You don’t even know if he’s okay with close contact like this.

Immediately Frankie wraps you in his arms and squeezes you back. He’s all encompassing, beautifully so.

Your mind, your thoughts, everything melt as you embrace him back.

“Thank you.” You earnestly tell him.

“Anytime.” Frankie whispers back.

You would never tell Frankie this… but your winter star wish came true because you couldn’t have wished for a better way to bid such a sweet farewell to this season here in the valley.

[bingiessm]

ANOTHER LONG POST for the Bridgerton over-analysis corner! SEASON 3 TRAILER & PROMO ANALYSIS

I JUST NOTICED SOMETHING!!

THAT IS VIOLET BRIDGERTON! IN THE MIDDLE OF THE FIRST "NON-INTRO" SHOT WITH FRANCESCA!

The first shot of any main character in the entire trailer is this one. Francesca is dancing with a suitor, the camera pushes forward and directs the eye right to Violet who is standing right in the middle, but with an unknown man in front of her.

Oh, I think there are going to be so many parallels between these two this season--especially in terms of romance. They have mostly been seen together or with "suitors" during all these promos and/or in direct comparison/association with one another.

MORE EVIDENCE:

SECOND SHOT of either of them: they are together--and are shown to be equals here, as compared to how Violet was when she presented Daphne or Eloise to the Queen:

Violet, with her other two daughters, was standing BEHIND them! (Also on their right side.) Now she's on the left, standing at Francesca's side--presenting them as equals.

Also, she isn't matching with Francesca like she was Eloise and Daphne--her outfit for this event changed slightly between the first two seasons (take note of the collar and crown), but has now changed dramatically. She at first presented herself as a fellow debutante (take note of the white dress and the gloves), but now is sporting a silver dress with long sleeves with clear grecian influence.

Violet has CHANGED, she isn't a background to or support for her daughter, she is her own person in front of the whole ton. She is also being "presented" in a way, but as this new self.

There is a new Viscountess, more of her children are married and leaving, and (as of Queen Charlotte we know that) she has had a lot of realizations about her marriage and sexuality. The world she knew as Viscountess and wife to Edmund is slowly changing, fading away to something new that she is beginning to embrace.

I think we will see her come more into her own, and not just as a mother or widow--this will be reflected in Francesca, who is going to struggle with finding a relationship that lives up to her mother & father's (and those of her siblings), especially watching her mother finally start to move on.

Right after this sequence is a sequence of Violet and her presumed new love interest, directly associating the two--they are also linked with the narration "what is the primary force that guides us along our paths?" A question I feel will be explored by the both of them.

It seems as if Violet is accepting this new love this season. Francesca, on the other hand, will struggle with romance this season. Every time we have seen her on her own, or with or having just spoken to suitors she seems unsure, worried.

Violet watches her sit at this ball (the Four Seasons one) and takes a breath and sighs in an interesting way--sort of knowingly but resigned(?).

It is also interesting to note within this dynamic that this is Francesca's first season, but not Violet's--as a mother or debutante.

TRAILER ANNOUNCEMENT:

Also, when looking at their appearances in the trailer announcement, it is interesting to see the difference in how they both were portrayed.

Violet is looking, then pulls back to look on in question, as if realizing something, but is curious for more. Francesca opens it and looks unsure again, twisting her mouth. I feel like this is reflective of how their seasons will be.

I just find the clear connection between their stories that the trailer in particular wants us to take note of to be very interesting. It is exciting to see how they will both grow/change. Especially being mother and daughter, which is a dynamic that has been explored to an extent in this show (thinking of Daphne and Violet in season 1, but even that didn't feel fleshed out), but not much. _______________

BUT ANYWAY to others who have read my other Bridgerton posts, omg thanks for chatting and indulging me in this.

I just finished a big film shoot for a project so this has been a nice reprieve from the stress of that.

Hope you are doing well!

[st-eve-barnes]

You know that I'm no good (chapter 3)

(modern Aegon x Reader, modern Sihtric x Reader)

Summary: You want Sihtric. Aegon wants Skade. There's only one small problem: Sihtric and Skade are dating each other.

This chapter: You and Aegon start operation fake dating, and you finally officially meet Sihtric.

Warning for the entire series: 18+ for explicit language and smut. Angst/comfort/fluff. Fake dating and so much mutual pining. Mentions of depression/drinking/self harm.

This is an Aegon x Reader fic with a bit of Sihtric x Reader on the side. I've wanted to write a modern AU that combines The Last Kingdom and House of the dragon for a while now so here it is!

Word count: +2700

Read Chapter 1 and Chapter 2

***

All my fics are also on AO3

***

Summer may not be your favorite season but it was the best time to live in the city. There were festivals, evening markets, open air performances, food trucks, movies nights by the river and parties that went on until after sunrise. There was something to do every night and Aegon wanted to attend them all.

“Do you not have a job at all?” you texted him that Wednesday night after closing up the bookstore and walking back to your apartment.

“I’m a man of leisure,” he texted back with that sunglasses emoji, making you roll your eyes again.

“How fun for you!” you texted back and then your phone rang. It was Aegon.

“Hey, sweetie pie,” he teased,”Where are you?”

“On my way home from work, you know that thing us peasants need to actually make money and be able to afford things.”

He laughed,”Cute. Listen, there’s a party at Jace’s place tonight, we should go.”

“I have work in the morning, Aegon.”

“Then we’ll make sure not to stay too long, come on, everyone will be there, this is our shot.”

You sighed,”I have to get home and I still have a bunch of emails to get through, and then I have to cook and shower and change and…”

“I’ll buy you dinner on the way there, my treat.”

You stayed quiet for a moment. He was right, if you wanted to go for it you couldn’t keep using work and being tired as an excuse to postpone the whole thing. You had to actually go for it, and what better time than right now?

“Give me a few hours to get ready,” you answered,”Where should I meet you?”

“I’ll come pick you up around nine.”

And with that he hung up.

***

Aegon Targaryen was strolling around in your small living room admiring your book shelves. It felt strange having him up here, the only people who frequently visited your home were your parents and Helaena. You hadn’t had a guy up here in ages.

“So, I like what you’ve not done with the place,” he remarked and gave you a cheeky smile.

“I don’t like cluttered spaces,” you said as if that explained why your apartment was pretty much a blank canvas. White walls, white kitchen and nothing but a standard green couch and small coffee table in the living room, the only things that made this space your own were some books, dvd’s and a few small plants. And you liked it that way.

Your apartment was a perfect metaphor for your live, empty but filled with so many possibilities.

“No, I like it,” Aegon said and he turned around when you stepped out of the kitchen.

“Is this okay?” you asked, giving him a twirl and showing off the white summer dress you had chosen to wear. 

He gave you a whistle, making you laugh.

“I thought…since you were in all white as well today we may as well coordinate, look like a real couple,” you explained.

“Good idea, you ready?”

You nodded but sighed,”I don’t know, maybe I need some more make up.”

“You don’t,” Aegon reassured you but you weren’t convinced, looking at yourself in the hallway mirror with doubt in your eyes.

Aegon was perceptive, as usual. He walked over to you and placed both hands on your shoulders, pushing you out in front of him and towards the mirror. You avoided your own reflection.“What are you doing?”

“Look,” he asked, firmly,”Look at yourself.”

You hesitantly did as he asked.

“What don’t you like?”

“Aegon,” you sighed.

“Work with me cause I’m not gonna let this go until you do and we’re already late. Look and tell me what bothers you.”

“Everything,” you sighed.

“That’s too easy,” he shook his head, not letting you off the hook that quickly,”Give me details.”

“I’m not skinny enough,” you then confessed, softly and your eyes met his in the mirror.

“That’s bullshit,” he moved his one hand down to your hip,”Don’t believe what stupid magazines and Instagram are telling you, your curves are absolutely perfect, trust me. I don’t know any guy who wouldn’t wanna tap that.”

“Um…thanks?”you gave him a confused look but couldn’t deny his words made you feel slightly better.

“What else?” he asked.

“My face,” you added.

“What’s wrong with your face?”

“I’m just…not pretty enough.”

There was no quick come back from Aegon this time, instead he just stared at you in the mirror.

“Who made you believe that, huh?” he then asked, a serious tone to his voice that surprised you.

You turned around to look at him,”Not one person in particular, just…I don’t know, I guess I’ve always felt a little insecure about the way I look compared to other girls. It comes and goes but lately…”

“You’re beautiful,” he interrupted you,”You must know that.”

You smiled but it didn’t reach your eyes,”You’re kind, and you can say that but…at the end of the day you’d still prefer a girl like Skade.”

He avoided your eyes and sighed,“Now that’s not fair.”

“Maybe not but it’s the way the world works, Aegon, we both know it. It’s fine,” you reassured him.

“Will you at least believe me when I say you look beautiful?”

“No,” you shook your head,”But I thank you for saying it anyway, for trying to make me feel better, that’s really sweet. Can we go now?”

***

The party at Jace’s house was already in full swing by the time you and Aegon arrived. There was a group of people in the swimming pool while others were sitting on the grass having some drinks and there was an improvised dance floor out on the terrace.

Heleana pulled you into a hug as soon as she noticed you guys, then she gave Aegon an annoyed look and a fake smile, which he returned with an even faker smile of his own and a little theatrical wave. You couldn’t help but laugh at them both.

“Come on,” she grinned,”Let’s get you drunk.”

She pulled you with her to the bar.

“Hey, don’t steal my girlfriend for too long!” Aegon yelled after you both.

Helaena ignored him as usual and moved behind the bar to grab you both some drinks. 

“You look stunning tonight, babe,” she complimented you with a smile.

“Not as stunning as you though,” you returned the compliment and accepted whatever alcoholic beverage she gave you.

“How are things with my idiot brother?” she then asked,”I gather you’re going to continue with the plan?”

She whispered those last words as if they would reveal what the big plan was, making you smile.

“Yes, we are, I’ve got nothing to lose, right?” you took a sip from your drink,”And Aegon’s kinda nice actually, he took me out for pizza before we came here.”

“Did he now?” Helaena quirked her eye brow.

“What?” you asked.

“Nothing, “she shrugged,”Just…be careful with him, alright? Remember what I told you.”

“I believe your words were he’s an unreliable whore.”

Helaena couldn’t help but snicker but she nodded her head.

“I know who he is, Hel, you don’t need to worry.”

“I just don’t want you to get hurt. Promise me you’re not going to fall for him.”

You had to laugh at that.“Can you give me some credit here? It’s Aegon for Gods’ sake, besides he’s not my type, my type is the one we’re doing this all for, remember? And speaking of Sihtric, is he here tonight?”

“I may have seen him by the pool earlier,” she grinned,”Looking particularly good in nothing but his tiny swim shorts.”

“Are you serious?!” your eyes widened and Helaena laughed.

“No but your face was priceless,” she teased and you hit her arm.

“He’s here though,” she then reassured you,”But he is wearing pants and a shirt, sorry to disappoint.”

“And Skade?” you asked carefully.

“Haven’t seen her yet actually, but I’m sure she’ll arrive any time now.”

You both made your way over to the garden, finding Aegon by the snack table.

“I’m off to the dance floor,” Helaena excused herself,”I’ll leave you to your boyfriend.”

You waved her goodbye and tapped Aegon on the shoulder. His face lit up when he saw it was you.

“Hey, honeybun,” he grinned.

“Are you going to call me every pet name in the book?” 

“That’s the plan, you can do the same for me if you want, girlfriend.”

You rolled your eyes but smiled at him all the same. You just couldn’t help it, even when he was annoying he was kind of endearing as well.

“Wanna find a quiet spot to sit?” he suggested.

“Sure, idiot,” you joked and followed him towards the house, surprised when suddenly Aegon reached back for your hand. You placed your hand in his and allowed him to pull you with him. 

When you walked up the stairs towards the patio you passed by Sihtric and Skade, explaining why Aegon had chosen to hold your hand and activate the plan.

They weren’t kissing or hugging this time and when you walked by your eyes met with Sihtric’s. It was brief but it was enough to make you feel flustered. You couldn’t stop your lips from curling up into a smile. He had never even looked your way before and now there he was, staring right into your eyes. And he looked more beautiful than ever.

Aegon chose a spot not too far away from them, making sure you were both in their line of sight.

As you sat down next to him he placed his hand on the small of your back, rubbing it softly, sitting deliberately close to you as he started talking about the latest movie he watched. 

The conversation was meaningless and unimportant but he made it look like it was the most intimate chat imaginable, leaning closer to make it look like he was whispering into your ear while he explained the movie plot, then casually putting a few locks of hair behind your ear and caressing your cheek in the process.

His eyes sneaked a peak over your shoulder, a satisfied grin on his face when he noticed Skade looking back at him as well.

Aegon’s hands were making it difficult for you to focus and that warm feeling in the pit of your stomach was back. You liked how it felt when he touched you and it was confusing you a little. But this wasn’t about Aegon, it couldn’t be, you didn’t want him that way. You were just so touch starved any form of affection from a guy would probably make you feel better, it meant nothing.

When he leaned in and softly kissed your cheek you shivered.

“You alright?” Aegon checked.

“Hmm,” you nodded and then he leaned in again, nuzzling your cheek.

“Touch me,” he whispered against your skin.

You didn’t hesitate and placed your hands on his stomach while you leaned into him. Aegon wrapped both arms around you, pulling you into a soft hug. You melted into him so easily, his body warm and soft yet firm at the same time. His left hand moved into your hair, gently caressing your scalp while the other rubbed soft circles on your back. You sighed into the hug and you could feel him smile against your cheek.

He held you for what felt like forever and at the same time it didn’t feel like long enough.

You avoided his eyes when you finally leaned back, his hand still cupping your neck and then he placed a soft lingering kiss on your forehead. Your hands were still caressing his stomach and chest, you just couldn’t will yourself to stop and this time he was the one sighing happily into your touch, putting a smile on your face.

When you both leaned back it was your turn to look away and check if Sihtric had watched the whole thing. You couldn’t be sure but him and Skade seemed to be involved in their own intense conversation and neither of them looked very happy.

Aegon was looking at you out of the corner of his eye as he took a long sip from his drink. Neither of you spoke for a while and he didn’t touch you again right away.

The silence was adding to your confusion and then Aegon abruptly stood up,”I’ll go get us some more drinks.”

And with that he was gone, leaving you to sit by yourself. You waited for twenty minutes but he didn’t show and neither did those drinks. Tired of waiting you decided to head to the bar yourself, finding it empty and Aegon nowhere to be seen.

You sighed and opened the fridge behind the bar to find yourself a drink.

“Any more beers in there?”

The male voice made you look up and then your brain shut down completely.

Sihtric was standing right in front of you, a friendly smile on his beautiful face as he waited for you to answer.

It took an embarrassingly long time for you to find your words and get your mouth to function again.

“Sure,” you eventually managed and grabbed him a bottle from the fridge,”Here you go.”

Your hand was shaking a little as you gave it to him but either he didn’t notice or he chose to ignore it.

“Thanks,” he smiled,”I don’t think I’ve seen you around at these parties before?”

You had expected him to just take the beer and leave you to it but he was actually trying to start up a conversation with you and you were totally unprepared for this. 

“I’ve been to a few,” you answered truthfully, trying to sound casual,”Maybe we just missed each other. I’m Y/N.”

Sihtric reached out his hand to you,”I’m Sihtric. Nice to see you, Y/N.”

“Nice to meet you as well,” you shook his hand and gave him a sweet smile, trying not to focus too hard on how warm and big his hand felt around yours.

“So, you are Aegon’s girl?” he then asked.

The words sounded very surreal coming from the guy you’d been crushing on for so long but you managed to just nod your head and smile,”Yep, that’s me. You know Aegon?”

”No but Skade, my..um…girlfriend, used to know him.”

“I see,” you took a sip from your drink, not breaking eye contact with him and you noticed he did the same. He hadn’t looked away from you since you’d started talking. 

He was gorgeous up close like this. And even better than that, he was actually nice.

“Maybe we should double date some time,” he then suggested, keeping his eyes on you for a little while longer until he finally looked away,”I’ll see around, lady Y/N.”

He stepped away but not before giving you a small wink and another smile.

You were frozen on the spot. Lady Y/N? Was he flirting with you? That was flirting, right? You’d been out of the game for a long time but you couldn’t remember guys just winking at you and giving you nicknames, unless they wanted to date you.

You were pulled from your haze when Aegon grabbed your hand.

“Hey, princess,” he smiled,”Sorry, I ran into some friends and got side tracked, I see you managed to get that drink.”

“Oh, I managed to get a lot more,” you laughed.

“Like what?”

“Like an invite to a double date with Skade and Sihtric.”

Aegon almost choked on his drink,”For real?”

“That’s what he said,” you shrugged.

“Oh, this is good, this is really good! Well done, baby,” he kissed your cheek again, his lips lingering a little longer than necessary, making your stomach flutter, again.

Just like last time you ignored it. 

Because this wasn’t about Aegon. Whatever this thing with him was it would fade as soon as you could get closer to the real love of your life, Sihtric, not Helaena’s dumb brother Aegon, that would be completely ridiculous.

“Hey,” Aegon laced his fingers with yours and pulled you from your thoughts. Then he leaned in to put another sweet kiss on your temple. When he looked into your eyes afterwards his gaze was intense and darker than before, you couldn’t drag your eyes away from him. 

For a moment it looked like he was going to lean in and kiss you for real. And for a moment you really really wanted him to, which was of course completely ridiculous.

“Come on,” he then smiled,”Let’s get you another drink, sweetheart.”

[mimisempai]

I can't take my eyes off you

Summary

Neither of them can deny it, they can't take their eyes off each other when they're together.

Notes

I have no idea what I'm doing, but I'm doing it anyway.

On Ao3

Rating G -  277 words

"Looking at me again, Angel."

Aziraphale laughed softly at being caught in the act and didn't bother to deny Crowley's words.

He could have easily denied it, after all, the demon had just woken from a nap and still had his eyes closed.

Aziraphale asked teasingly, "And how would you know, since you're not looking at me?"

Crowley opened his eyes, straightened up and stretched a little, then rose from the sofa and came to sit on the arm of the armchair where the angel was reading.

He put his arm around Aziraphale's shoulders and replied softly, "Because I feel it, I've always felt it when you look at me, all those little lingering looks, because you always have that expression when you look at me."

Aziraphale asked a little confused, "What expression?"

"Like I'm the only one in your world."

He pressed a tender kiss to the angel's temple and continued, "And do you know why I know that, Angel?"

Aziraphale shook his head, so the demon replied, "Because I look at you that way, too."

"All the time?"

"All the time."

Aziraphale nodded and said softly, his voice slightly hoarse with emotion, as he placed his hand on the demon's cheek, "Well, there's only you in my world, indeed."

They stared at each other in silence for a few moments, each gaze reflecting the same image back to the other.

That each was the world of the other.

And it was only when their lips pressed together that they stopped looking at each other, their eyes closing under the softness of the kiss, the manifestation of their love moving from their eyes to their lips.

_________

Still not beta'd

Still not my native language

Still hoping you'll enjoy this story  🥰

Still thanking you for bearing with me 😝

Ineffable Growing Love - Series post S2

Part 1 Story 1-99

Part 2 Story 100-?

Ineffable Husbands masterlist : here (Before season 2)

[vitaminseetarot]

I'm Back PAC: Last Summer's Lessons 🎡

Hey everyone, I'm finally back from my unexpectedly long hiatus (I didn't mean for it to stretch out through most of September!). I had a wonky phase and had to patch myself back together. August was rather foggy. I'll just go ahead and blame it all on the astro transits. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

Thanks to everyone again for joining the last game and sending me your feedback. I'm not sure if I'll do another game before the end of this year because a huge flux of free readings is fun yet exhausting, but we'll see what Vitamin's cooking up next…

I intended to release this pick a card much sooner, but I pulled out a lot of cards so it took some time to let the messages in. I even had to change the title a few times but I feel this one captures the essence of the reading. Summer's energy was bumpy for many of us, but these seasons don't come without some learning experience to take away from it at the end. This pick a card is definitely for those out there who think time flies way too fast! As autumn is rushing its way in with its Halloween Spirit (lol) before I can even finish swimming and barbecuing, now would be a good time to reflect back on the warmer months for insight.

Pick whichever pair of neon stickers are calling you. Feel free to pick more than one or whichever one resonates best.

Pile 1: Hello!+Cellphone 📳 Pile 2: OMG!+Mixtape 📼 Pile 3: Cool!+Gameboy 🎮 Pile 4: Wow!+Turntable 💿

Pile 1 - Hello! + Cellphone 📳

Gemini - Cross-Pollinate, Strength, Anger, Shark, Messenger; Page of Pentacles, 6 of Pentacles, Ace of Cups, XII Hanged Man, 10 of Swords "It's your own responsibility to EXPAND instead of just contracting"

Hey there pile 1! I had a chuckle when I pulled out Gemini along with Messenger. It fit so well with your phone sticker. "Hello!" Communication was definitely the prime area of your life that was affected during your summer season. You could have a strong Gemini influence in your chart or had a sensitive response to this last Mercury Retrograde. You may have had a lot of expectations about how summer was supposed to go, or had some goals or prospects in mind that didn't turn out as you would have liked. The retrograde energy may have caused delays in things involving communication, like waiting to hear back from a company about a job interview, or waiting to hear back from somebody via text. "Hello, is anybody out there?" Some things may have slipped in between, appointments or online marketplace opportunities that suddenly went cold; whatever the case may be, you didn't hear back and you had to learn to let it go for your own sanity.

Now that it's said and done, you may be currently caught in a slump of how to move those previous goals forward. 10 of Swords at the end almost feels like a resistance or burn out. The pigeon wants you to crack the window open as it's ready to send out new messages in new places. This last summer was like a brief dry spell, but it's not meant to stay that way forever, or even now. The wind is picking up faster than you think, and the 6 of Pentacles shows the energetic tables gradually turning. The cards are suggesting to not hold on to any resentments or frustrations about what has or hasn't happened over the last season. It was not meant to be an energy to breeze through like a cakewalk, and it's especially tough when someone who's relying on communication in some way has to contend with those frustrations. But try not to take the mistakes, failures, no-shows, and ghostings in any personal way. Whatever occurred wasn't due to some real or perceived flaw in your character, it's sometimes how people and situations are for the time. Release all the built up anger however you choose and allow the energy of autumn to flow through, because the Ace of Cups shows a renewal that will quickly wash away the anger if you let it, the way salt water can wash away the pain of fresh hurts.

There is a risk with the shark in letting negative thoughts fester. The weather will change, and with that the mind must follow closely and not be stuck in a season that has already come and gone. We wouldn't wear a swimsuit and sunglasses on a chilly autumn evening, right? So why is it so easy for us to get stuck on past events as if we never changed clothes? The shark can smell vulnerability with a sharp nose, so there is a warning against ruminating and regretting about what went wrong as this will leave you still in the water like an injured duck unaware of its dangerous surroundings. And I say "risk" and "dangerous" not to scare you. But if something in your life hasn't worked out over the summer, it's okay to try again in the fall and expect different results. You aren't crazy for doing the same thing again, things may go differently this time! The real risk is in not doing, but instead choosing to remain stuck and inactive in the mind. The only danger here is in quitting altogether.

You are meant to grow this coming season, in a way that you can witness. I feel like you have done a substantial amount of growing over this last summer, but that may not be entirely apparent to you now. There has been a level up on the subconscious level that is capable of blossoming out into external growth if given the room. You will soon be, if not now are, called to action in some area or areas of your life that needs care but has been left hanging. Summer may have left you feeling tired, but for different reasons than just being overwhelmed from tasks. It can actually get tiring for the mind to hold on to too many goals and tasks at once. It takes mental energy just to remind the brain to do a task, even moreso if your task is to remind yourself of another task! ("Be sure to set a reminder for…") Try to accomplish a little at a time to relieve your brain of them. Give yourself the chance to stand up and have another go in the boxing ring. Summer may have felt like self-sabotage, but it doesn't have to define the rest of your year. If you act now, and in confidence, I know things can change for you as the seasons show us that we are always in a state of flux. Forgive yourself for summer so you can embrace autumn's opportunities in a warm sweater.

Pile 2 - OMG! + Mixtape 📼

Dignified - Strength, Confidence, Faith, Active Online Green, Everything is Temporary; I Magician, 2 of Wands, 10 of Wands, 2 of Pentacles, 9 of Swords "CREATE RIGHT NOW not just during soft good times"

Hi, pile 2! Over the past summer, you've been focused mainly around refining your talents. It could be doing something that you're talented in, whether you know it or not, or you could have the topic on your mind. You've been hard at work in developing this area, this feels more passionate than a mere interest or casual hobby. This is like a pianist who spends most of the summer perfecting a song, or an athlete who's staying in shape in time for back-to-school try outs. This is a field you feel comfortable in, you're mostly confident about your abilities even when rigorous practice does its best to wear you out. I'm getting a sense that even though you're pretty capable at succeeding through this one interest, it may be coming at the cost of the rest of your time. There's a sense of not having enough time to focus on other ventures like a social life or relaxation, so in spite of the overall positive energy I get from your talent, it's clearly draining other parts in order to burn brighter and hotter, like a energy inefficient light bulb. Something about the bulb must change to fit your current lifestyle. This summer, you have learned the importance of balancing work with leisure.

You have been spending time working out your vision for how you want to apply your talents. You could be practicing in time to complete a project for college, or busy with expanding your portfolio. This is a very ambitious, career focused pile, and I'm getting most of you reading this one are still in school. You could have gone to summer school this year too (no shame, I went to summer school once and had a blast). Your sunny days are seen as a free space for getting more work done. Active Online Green talks about accessibility or getting the green light for something, but I'm also noticing the "Active". It's like part of your mind is always on, always active. Summer was probably not the best when it came to maintaining a steady sleep schedule, with so many things to think about and your key interest being the topmost thought. With only a few weeks composing summer vacation, too many tasks piled up can create an artificial race to meet everything by a certain deadline. "OMG!" All this backlog combined with big expectations makes for a crammed season.

At times, things can get overwhelming, but when you look back on past success, it can fuel you to keep moving forward. That's one of the great things about having a portfolio, for whenever you're doubtful about your abilities. The immensity of too much work in a short span can wear down on self esteem, but there is no room to feel bad about your talent just because it's not always perfect or things aren't completed on time. Even the most accomplished get bogged down by their work. When I see bad sleep in a reading, I get concerned because I know that, while it seems harmless at first, it can spiral down health if it's not addressed quickly. Autumn is often busier energy wise than summer as school has started, and offices run by fiscal quarters, so it's important to catch up on sleep when you get the chance. Doing a lot of work in the summer only to do more in the autumn can be tiring, so carve out short times in between to relax or do something light and easy in between the flux. Don't always look at space as an opportunity to cram more work; sometimes that space is needed for a different reason.

Find a way to balance both the practical sides of life with the fun creative aspects. There will always be time to put focus into what you want to do, even if it's only for a few minutes a day. Mixtape suggests that you may need to mix things up a little bit by not working on one thing consecutively for hours and days at a time, as not even tattoos are often finished in one sitting. If work is peeling you away from something you really enjoy doing, time yourself to have that fun for five or ten minute sessions. Creative play is necessary for recharging mental batteries, that's what the card means by "not just during soft good times." Even when things get hectic as midterms get closer, a few minutes to sit back will do wonders. The seasons are temporary, so try to enjoy what you can when you can. Summer may have had its stresses and its phases of mental fog, but autumn can be filled with chances to sit back and enjoy the fall scenery for a spell.

Pile 3 - Cool! + Gameboy 🎮

Mercury - Messages, Flow, Anger, Pumpkin Spice, Let Your Light Shine; 8 of Cups, III Empress, 7 of Wands, 9 of Pentacles, 6 of Swords "You never get there and you never stay here"

What's going on, pile 3? I see that, like pile 1, you may have also been heavily affected by the Mercury retrograde that took up most of last August. Gameboy Colors, while considered obsolete now (seriously, no lil emoji? ;-;), boasted amazing features in handheld gaming asides from the nice colorful games at its prime. Using a cable link, you could physically connect two Gameboys together to communicate and share between devices. Now, we can do all that wirelessly, but it was literally game changing back then as it allowed players to play together, face-to-face. I see you've learned how to move past some old fashioned form of communication that isn't working for you anymore. You could have even swapped gaming devices, computers, or phones over this last summer. You could have erased old contacts from your phone or friends from social media sites. I'm even getting a change in terms of transportation, where you're choosing to go out instead of staying in or vise versa. You could have used a different way to get around last summer, like using a shuttle bus or traveling by boat or train. This could have been to get somewhere or (in a boat case) been a part of a social event or party.

There could have been a situation which roused up some heated arguments between you and people close to you, whether friends or coworkers. This arguing, regardless of what it was, wore down on your defenses and you decided to pull away. Much of the bickering could have been due to unfair comparisons made between others. Someone may have been aggressive towards you over feeling envious of something you are or have. Whatever it may be, I feel here that pulling back was the healthier option. Sometimes, people want to keep you involved in their tensions, but I see you refusing to engage in unproductive arguments that go nowhere. Summer just wasn't the season for that stress, and you knew better this time around. You addressed things calmly and with compassion. Maybe that's why they're worked up over your energy; just refusing to engage makes you look "Cool!"er by comparison. (This sounds spicy when I write it down but I got to call it as I vitamin see it ok!) Summer is a time for staying cool, and now that autumn rolls in, you can put more focus into enjoying its splendors.

The time was and still is ripe for self-care and inner nurturing. Retreating to heal allowed those old emotions to work themselves out until the situation no longer felt as harsh when remembered about. If a company is making unwanted changes at the office, at this point you're past the sweating and complaining with other coworkers because you're more in the phase of waiting for good days and better results. If a trip didn't work out because of miscommunication, the time is better for planning the next one instead of mulling over what went wrong before. Your energy is just like, so what if things weren't perfect because things may be better tomorrow? And I think that's a great mindset to have when shifting between the seasons. Pumpkin Spice is right above the poor 7 of Wands. This card is all about that basic girl fall vibe, cozy and warm and far far away from whatever nonsense happened in recent past. You're moving from acting like the warrior to acting like the empress who's ready to snuggle up with fuzzy blankets and a cup of tea while watching the leaves dance and flutter. I honestly don't think this pile misses summer, y'all seem ready to go for fall!

With all that difficult energy out of the way, you can focus more on how you want to fulfill your personal time. If you were a mod to an online chat or a part of a social group and you dropped out of that role for the season, then it will now be easy to re-allocate that time to something more enjoyable and soothing. It's the "moisturized, hydrated, in my lane, flourishing" momentum going here, it started in summer and it's a great progress to have all through autumn. I see you entering hermit mode to establish a safe space for yourself starting around August, and it's likely that you will be in that phase for awhile. No pressure to hook Gameboy cable links with anybody if they're gonna fizzle out your fun, right? Although Mercury retrograde is over, there will be times when that old smoke tries to blow through again. I don't see you remaining totally settled in the months to come, but it will still feel like an upgrade compared to last summer.

Pile 4 - Wow! + Turntable 💿

Neptune - Vision, Reflection, Passion, Mirage, Sound - Resonance - Frequency; King of Wands, 7 of Swords, Knight of Cups, IV Emperor, Ace of Cups "EVOLVE into non-complainer"

How's it going pile 4? Out of all the piles it seems like yours had the most amount of positive experiences, even if it was only from the start of the season. You wanted to have an action-packed summer to remember. You could have spent a lot of time by the beach or near bodies of water like lakes, soaking in the summer sun while you had the chance. I'm seeing so much here about dreaminess happening, like you went to a dream concert or an unforgettable party. With all the fantasy theme here, you could have visited a renaissance faire or an amusement park based around fantasy. On the other hand, you have both Neptune and the descriptive card Mirage, which both talk about illusion. And the 7 of Swords makes an appearance here, too. So perhaps something that was meant to be awesome may not have gone perfectly as planned, even if you still had a good time. Perhaps the seating at the concert wasn't perfect, or a rain forced an outside party to move indoors. More than one parade may have been rained on, or friends could have bailed out of exciting plans at the last minute. Nevertheless, you learned over this summer to go with the flow and have fun despite how situations or relationships end up as things still may have turned out wonderful anyway.

I'm also getting that over this summer, you may have met with someone special. It could have been at an event where you laughed while exchanging jokes and numbers. Perhaps your season was spent thinking about this fascinating person, whether they were a cute person you're crushing on or seeing a celebrity on stage (while dreaming about the backstage pass). The last few months could have had you swept up in a whirlwind of fantasy, imagining what could be based on brief but memorable interactions. It's important not let passions mislead you when you meet somebody during the rush of an awesome event. I'm not saying for certain you didn't meet the "one", but chances are if you meet them again, you will need to do so from a grounded place before anything can happen. Let's say you met them while vacationing far from home. Yes, they were cute, but take some time to reflect on your feelings before pursuing something that may realistically be tricky to pull off.

You may have either received or lost a pair of glasses. They could have been prescription glasses or sunglasses (why are sunglasses among the easiest things to lose?). I think this may be a message about learning to use all your senses. Look at things closely to understand how certain things happened, if for example you're figuring out how to prevent a bad occurrence from happening again. Like if a party didn't turn out right because the DJ used a bad playlist, then you must look more closely at the finer details for next time by knowing what kind of music or DJ will be more appropriate for the next party. If a surf outing turned sour because of low tide, find a way to schedule dates that better correspond with the ocean's changes. This past summer wanted to teach you how to become more adaptable to various shifts, like how a DJ remixes music at the turntable/laptop. The point isn't to always play things by rote; life has a habit of switching it up to keep things from getting too stale.

Now that autumn is on its way, you're heading for a fresh emotional start but with a clearer lens. You have walked out of the summer sun feeling greatly inspired by its magic. Now it's time to take hold of those inspired thoughts and feelings in the pursuit of a goal. If you're getting a strong magnetic pull towards something artistic, like making a song or writing a story, then this autumn is a great time to begin while all this emotional energy is potent. This urge may have started around the full moon in Pisces; if you start something now, it may be done by the next lunar eclipse or when the sun passes through Pisces, so roughly a six month period. We may perceive autumn and winter as calmer and quieter seasons, but that doesn't mean it can't be just as enchanting and memorable as summertime. It's within your hands to create something just as special over the next few months if you are called to boldly do so. I'm picking up so much certainty from this pile, like if there's something from the last summer you desire, it's within your power to eventually claim it or experience it again, only even better the next time.

This reading has not been evaluated by the FDA to diagnose, prevent, treat, or cure any disease or infection. Please ask your physician before going online.

2024, @VitaminseeTarot ™

[hoeforhao]

Rusted Away 🍂|| Kwon Soonyoung ||

🍁pairing : ex!soonyoung × fem!reader

🍁genre : exes to lovers, bakery shop au sort of, mostly angst, fluff towards the end, mild smut, mutual pining, slow build up.

🍁warnings : none for this part. will be added in the later ones!

🍁summary : you and soonyoung broke up almost two years ago because according to him sharing a common interest point with each other, to talk about at the end of the day was a necessity. How will things turn out for the spiriting away lovers now that their friend group has assigned them both the common job of baking muffins for the fall party!

🍁part : 1/3 [for fall-ing for u collab ]

🍁word count : 0.8k

🍁author's note : this is my first ever collab and am so excited!!! also i'm posting a full blown fic after a long break for writer's block and i don't know how this has turned out. please let me know your views ♡ last but not the least thanks to @playmetheclassics for beta-reading this for me! ily <3

"Y'all can't be serious right now" you sounded quite disgruntled with your two minions on other side of the conference call, plotting against your sanity, for universe knows how long!

"Well I mean you two quite literally run the two most loved bakeries of our neighborhood. It shouldn't come as a surprise that we will team you up." Steph's plain and unbothered voice echoes right into your ears, specially the 'team up part'.

"Yeah it shouldn't have been surprising or disappointing if it was someone else Steph. But it's with him. With Soonyoung. The Kwon Soonyoung. Out of all the people out there, you two would at least know best about what he did" your voice started shaking with each word it got closer to mentioning his name ; again ; after 2 whole years.

You still were in disbelief that your two most close ones did this to you. After being with you all those nights you cried till you couldn't breathe anymore, holding your trembling body whenever you had the worst breakdowns to seeing you slowly heal from the scabs and stabs left by him, Steph and Niall were with you the whole time. Them now setting you up with him again, for a silly little fall party felt nothing but seriously insensitive to you.

Pressing down on the side button of the phone, you were now sitting on the bed, all covered up in your comfort blankie with a blacked out screen laying on your lap ; the glass of which reflected the browns and caramels of the backdrop outside the misty windows, onto your own ones.

Fall was finally around the corner, which meant that the roads will now be iced all rusty, drizzled with honey leaves and sprinkled on by dark wine twigs. Fall also meant one more thing...the one very thing that was like the warm covering on your wounds, that meant the most to you above anyone and everyone. Your sycamore tree!

Pushing away the fluffy blanket on your legs, you quickly pulled down your pyajams to get dressed into something more appropriate for the weather outside, something more comfy and something that made you feel like you're back home once again a.k.a soonyoung's brown hoodie. While havocing through your entire wardrobe to take out all his belongings and leave back not a single essence of him around you and on you, the idiot missed out on that one brown hoodie he owned...rather the one he loved the most and the one he gave to you on your first date - under the sycamore tree.

You knew that the only thing, the only friend that could soothe the burns on you right now was that tree, the one true buddy that has stood by your side through the pains even your best friends couldn't heal, the big brother that shadowed you whenever the world's bright rays tried to scorch on your skin. So without wasting any more seconds, you hurriedly ran down the stairs leading to the hall. Upon reaching the main door of your small apartment you twist on the knob to pull open the door, and quite instantly a gust of cinnamon flavored wind engulfs all your senses.

Fall was truly your soul season. No matter how much turmoil your life was going through, or how much clogged your brain was to come up with new ideas, a walk down the leaf stained path of your favorite garden while the season's cool breeze flowed through your hair, definitely helped the caged Robin in you fly free finally.

Since the day Soonyoung broke your heart and left you all alone amidst the rusted haze, you've been visiting this sycamore tree every fall, to reminisce all the warm happy moment spent under its shade. To feel the same happiness as the day you planted the tree with your best friend, when you both were only 8 year olds, with the person who held you like the softest cotton bud dispersing away in the breeze all these years only to tear you off the stem at one go now.

You were consumed in your thoughts about how crazy love was, about how the twigs that have seen two people be in love for so long, hang around it for years, the branches that have been painted with countless giggles and soft kisses, now had its leaves shedding themselves from the agony of seeing its spiriting away child standing beneath it to shelter herself from the bleeding marks left by its other child.

Just as you were about to sit down on the dewy grass covering the entire ground below, your phone notification sound blew up suddenly. Drawing the device out from your tote, your eyes fell onto the lit up screen to see the name you've been running away from all this time.

[janus-cadet]

So, I've been watching Hazbin Hotel, and Helluva Boss.

Loved it. Therefore, obviously, to none of my friends' surprise, I added the fandom in that nonsensical tarot project of mine- and it starts with Lucifer, the short king himself, as the Five of Cups.

(The Devil was already taken, which both caused me immense amont of dismay, and just as much relief, because that version of Lucifer does NOT fit the Devil card as much as he could.)

Now, under the cut (only for the braves who can handle a long post spoken in broken english), the mandatory explanation for the choice of the card and the composition.

A joyous card, isn't it! Ahah? Totally. Let's get right into it.

The Five of Cups, Upright, often appears in a reading when a situation hasn't turned out the way you expected, leaving you sad, regretful and disappointed. I mean, you just gave one (1) apple to humanity, just to give them free will, and look what they did with it! What the hell, literally! You are blaming yourself, and instead of moving on with your life (despite the small inconvenience of being banished to an endless pit of evil and horror), you ar choosing to wallow in your self-pity. All you can focus on right now is what went wrong and how you failed. You're stuck in the past, and you can't let go; old wounds you never closed are keeping you from trying to create some positive changes. Which is why the card is here: to help you forgive. Forgiveness, to others and to yourself, is the only way you'll be able to release yourself from your sadness and disappointment. Remember that foresight and wisdom in the present moments comes from mistakes of the past: reflect on what led you to this point, and try to find something positive by reflecting on the lessons learned. You can rebuilt, you still can challenge an unfair system, despite everything! New possibilities are waiting for you, as shown by your daughter. You just have to be ready to accept it. Shift your mindset and focus on what can go right from this point forward.

Reversed, the card suggests that you might look at yourself specifically as a failure. You are stuck in a loop of self-loathing, and can't bring yourself to open up to others about those feelings. The reversed Five of Cups card is here to encourage you to open up: people around you may not see how much pain you're in right now, so don't be afraid to ask for help or talk to someone you trust.

You cannot undo the past, and just as Lucifer at the end of the first season, you are starting to accept that. You are slowly discovering how to be open to the new opportunities and ideas shown to you; you are finally starting to be more hopeful anout the future. You may not be fully okay again, you might still be in pain, but you are taking the first step: the card encourage you to keep doing so. Focus on the bright side. Not all is lost!

Lot of talks already, so I'll quickly go over those. The cups (that I spend too long on for such a small detail in the whole piece agh agh) are, as I drew them, a symbols of the regrets and the remorses felt. The regrets are the titled, broken cups: Lucifer's marriage, his relation with his daughter, and the dreams he had as an angel. Three things that feels like they are lost, damaged beyond repairs- but that are, in fact, still within reach. The content hasn't even spill yet. The remorses are the acts that can't be undone, and the effect on the vision he has of himself- the bitten apple, and the beastly devil that can't be trust. Those are te things he keeps blaming himself for, and the source of the self-loathing he's stuck into. But! He's turning his back on them, as a way to show he is not as linked to those things as he thinks he is. One is a thing of the past, the other is merely a shadow of who he is- what's important is what lays in front of him.

And that's it for today! You're still here? Dang, you're resilient. Thank you very much, hope you enjoyed this. And you're just in time for a little ending poll!

See, I started two other WIPs while drawing Lucifer. Therefore...

[freyyzu]

I LOVE YOU’S

In which there are a thousand ways to tell you “I love you,” but saying it is still my favorite.

a/n; thanks for requesting, anon! i'm glad the first one made your day better! this is the 2nd part including the dateables + Luke (platonic). i've only just finished season 2 so no Thirteen and the others i hope that's alright! also not proof read or edited lol. tumblr keeps being finnicky with my posts so if you see me repost this a couple times sorry about that

part 1. HERE

DIAVOLO —

The future demon king shows you how he feels with gestures grand and small.

Whether that be inviting you over to the castle for a magnificent feast prepared by Barbatos or bringing you back your favorite desserts from his trips to the human world - he'll do it all.

Diavolo dances around the words 'I love you' opting to let gestures and compliments tell you instead.

Those words are special, reserved for the moments when it's just you two, alone, in that perfect setting where even fairytales can't match.

Diavolo had just returned from his trip from the human world, and of course the first thing he had to do was message you. During his time there, he had made sure to stop buy one of the bakeries he recalled you missing and nearly bought out the entire store if not for Barbatos stopping him.

“How were they?” Diavolo finally asks after your tea time is over and Barbatos has finally excused himself.

The both of you had decided the best way to spend the rest of the night would be to walk around the area near the gazebo, enjoying the view as your food digests and talk about all the things the demon butler would no doubt chide you for. It was rare for Diavolo to get much time off, and even though he got to see you during RAD often it just wasn’t the same as spending time together alone - especially when you always had at least one demon brother lathed onto you at all times.

“Just as I remember them.” You pat your belly, “delicious! And the tea Barbatos brewed went so well with it, too! Thank you again for buying them for me.”

He chuckles, “of course.” It always pleased him to see you so happy over something so little. You’ve always been like that, since the moment he met you — confused, yet still so energetic and ready to make the best of every situation good or bad, big or small.

With practiced grace he slips his hand with yours, intertwining your fingers together, and giving them a light squeeze. You give him a squeeze of your own, followed by that smile he never gets tired of seeing.

“Something on your mind?” You question with a tilt.

“Just how much I love you,” he responds without a moment’s hesitation.

“Oh.” You flush red, the comment catching you off guard. Diavolo can’t help but think with the blue reflection of the water that you look prettier than usual in that moment, and after a brief second of silence where you try to put yourself back together, there’s a response. “I love you too. Where did that come from all of a sudden?”

He brings your intertwined hands up to his lips, pressing a kiss to the back of your palm. “It was just the only thing on my mind, is all.”

BARBATOS —

It’s not very often that Barbatos gets to have free time for himself, serving under the heir to the next demon king and all, but on his moments of free time he likes to spend them with you.

Because he knows that most of his time is occupied with his work, Barbatos wants to make sure that in the moments you do spend together that you know exactly how much he cares.

Most of the times, the way he shows you how much he loves you is simply by doing tasks together, no matter how mundane.

The words ‘I love you’ aren’t something that pop up too often in his dictionary, and so it means even more when he says it.

“Oh, this tastes delicious!”

Barbatos chuckles to himself at how impatient you are. The cupcakes the two of you had baked have only just gotten out of the oven, and without letting them settle and cool down, you had instantly taken a bite out of one.

“Is that so? I’m glad.” He takes off his mittens and sets them aside, leaning in to wipe the stray crumbs that settled on the corner of your lip. “They would have tasted even better if you waited for them to cool down. The flavors settle in even more, then.”

You chuckle abashedly, “they smelled so nice I couldn’t help myself.”

He always liked to poke fun of how big your appetite was, sometimes comparing it to Beel’s, but in the end it was all in good fun. Barbatos knew the reason you liked eating so much was specifically when he cooked, and it felt rewarding knowing just how much you enjoy his food. It felt even better every time you had the chance to cook or bake together (sometimes with Luke) — the way your face lights up when something turns out well is unmatched.

“Shall we prepare the tea while the cupcakes cool down?”

“Oh,” you stop yourself from reaching for another. “Yes! Yes, we should do that, ahem.”

It’s a little later than you both expected by the time everything was done being baked, eaten, and cleaned, and so he offers to walk you home. Of course, you happily accept his gesture, giddy to spend any more time with him.

By the time you both arrive at the front steps of the House of Lamentation it was even later, and knowing the brothers, they would be rushing down the stairs any second now to welcome you back.

“Goodnight,” he pulls you in gently by the shoulders and presses a quick kiss to your forehead. “Remember there’s a meeting tomorrow in the student council room, don’t be late. I love you.”

“Don’t worry, I won’t- hm?” He makes a quick escape through a portal. “Wait, wait, say it again! Barbatos!”

He’s looking forward to seeing you again tomorrow.

SIMEON —

If there’s anyone who holds back with how they feel towards you more than Simeon does he would like to meet them.

While people may say that he wears his heart on his sleeve, the angel does his best to not show you too much affection in public, when all he really wants to do is spend all of your time together, if only for a day.

Unfortunately, with responsibilities getting in the way and the seven brothers constantly sticking to your side like glue, it’s a bit difficult.

He hopes that you don’t blame him for being a bit needy, but you’re the only person he’ll show that side to.

Simeon feels proud to know that out of everyone else, you find him the easiest to talk to.

Whether it be for for something as simple as what to make for dinner at the House of Lamentation, or to ask for help studying for your next exam, he enjoys every moment he gets to spend with you. It’s unfortunate that the time you actually get to spend together is limited due to all your duties at RAD and with the brothers, but that’s what makes him cherishes it even more.

Simeon: [ Have you eaten? ]

MC: [ Finished just a few minutes ago! ]

He smiles, happy to have received your reply so quickly.

Most days are like this. When you don’t pass each other by in the hallways, or when you’re too busy to meet up outside of school, your DDD becomes the main source of communication. Compared to anyone else on his contact list, yours is the one that he most frequently keeps going back to. On a particularly bad day, it’s the one thing that cheers him up the quickest.

MC: [ What about you? ]

Simeon: [ I ate a while ago. Solomon came back late today so we thankfully didn’t have to convince him not to cool. ]

Simeon: [ Cook. ]

Chats can go for as short as a couple minutes into a couple hours, and today seems to be the latter.

Luke is well asleep by the time your conversation comes to an end, and yet he doesn’t want to stop yet. Perhaps you could forgive him this one time for being a bit selfish.

The phone rings twice before you pick up.

“Hello? Simeon?” You answer the phone quizzically, not sure why he had called without warning. “Is something wr-”

“I love you.”

A beat of silence on the other end before he hears your muffled snickering. “I love you too. Did you miss me that much?”

“Mhm,” his expression eases. “I missed you a lot.”

SOLOMON —

For Solomon, he wishes he could tell you he loves you more.

Perhaps it’s because of how long he’s lived, how many faces have passed by in a blur, and how many names have died out on his tongue that makes it so hard for the words to reach your ears.

There’s no doubt that every time he’s said them that he means each and every one, but it’s hard to say when he fears it could also be the last.

He tells himself he’s being overdramatic, that you aren’t going anywhere, but it’s a lingering thought.

More than anything, he wants to be the one to hear it, and you’re more than happy to provide.

“I love you."

The words catch him off-guard.

An empty classroom, where it’s just you and him working on magical formula’s into the dead of the night wasn’t exactly his ideal situation for a confession, but you always manage to surprise him.

“Haha, is the lack of sleep getting to you? You’re free to take a nap on the mattress, I’ll wake you up when I’m done.

“No, it's not that.” You shake your head, continuing to stare at him softly. That gaze was going to kill him one day. “I just wanted to let you know, is all. I feel like I don’t say it enough.”

It’s quite the opposite.

“Is that so?” He hums, and the both of you go back to working. The sounds of liquids being poured, as well as pen scratching against paper is all that’s heard for the next hour or so before it’s broken by the sound of your yawning. “Sleep yet?”

You nod affirmatively, “I’ll take a quick nap. Could you wake me up in twenty minutes?”

“Of course.”

“Thank you, I love you.” There it is again, those three words you’re able to say so easily, as well as the one that he wants to keep hearing.

Without thinking, he takes hold of your wrist as you pass by. There’s no time for you to react before you’re being pulled down, and any words that would have left your lips are quickly silenced. The moment lasts longer than it should, but eventually he lets go, if not unwillingly.

You’re left staring at one another again, and this time it’s him that breaks the silence. “Have a nice nap." This time, the words come easy to him. "I love you.”

“Oh,” you stumble towards the mattress, face completely flushed. “Thank you.”

He doesn’t get much work done after that, and neither do you get much sleep.

LUKE —

Luke says ‘I love you’ to two people and only two people, and that’s you and Simeon.

Quite frankly, everyone is jealous of him because Luke is also the person who you’ll say those words back to the most, without warning. As soon as he comes within sight you’re leaving whoever is by your side to be with him.

Of course, this makes everyone visibly upset, but if they dare to say anything towards him it would only make you dote on him more.

He’s practically your little brother at this point, and comes before anyone else. It doesn’t matter what he does, you’re right there beside him with the affection.

Simeon feels proud to know that out of everyone else, you find him the easiest to talk to.

He’s finally done it!

After two weeks of painstakingly modifying the recipe bit by bit and going through dozens of failed attempts, the cupcakes are perfect! After hearing about how hard you had been working for the past month now with helping the student council committee prepare for their next event, Luke had wanted to do something nice for you.

Unfortunately, he was too young to help out with preparations, and so he fell back on the one thing he had tons of confidence in: baking!

Seeing as Barbatos was also helping out with the planning, he hadn’t been able to ask for help, and so he went in completely blind in trying out a new recipe, trying to incorporate your favorite flavors into the multiple small treats.

Now, all that’s left was to package them and bring them over to you. Thankfully, Simeon had informed him of what times your breaks were at, so if he rushed a bit he could get there just in time!

With hurried hands and quick steps, Luke pokes his head into the council room, quickly spotting you sitting at one of the seats, surprisingly not surrounded on all sides by demons. It seems they were arguing with each other about something — typical.

Making sure no one spots him, Luke rushes to your side, careful none of the contents in his box topples over.

“Luke? What are you doing here?” Your face brightens as soon as you see him. "The meeting doesn't end for another two hours."

“W-Well,” suddenly he feels incredibly shy. “I heard you were working really hard for a while now so uhm,” he holds out the box filled with treats. “I baked you some cupcakes to make sure you didn’t get tired!”

You blink, and he’s afraid you might actually start crying (hopefully from joy, but he’d rather you not cry at all).

“Luke!” You wrap your arms around him at the speed of light, and it takes all of his agility to make sure you don’t crush the box at the same time. “Thank you, you’re so sweet, I love, love, love you!”

“I-I-I love you, too! Now please stopppp! The treats will get crushed!”

[sunnyxdani]

kenlee: a 4 part analysis

Analyzing one of my favorite ships that I have very suddenly grown very hyperfixated on. Lee and Kenny are partners in crime, frenemies, a variety of things to each other based on what the player decides. Season 1 is notorious for none of your choices impacting anything because there’s only 1 ending no matter what. Yet, genuinely one of the only examples of your choices actually mattering is through Lee's relationship with Kenny. Their dynamic is given more attention and effort and detail than anything else in the game, even more than Lee and Clementines (as far as how it can differ based on how you play). There are also countless tender moments, looks, and words shared between the two that I’ve grown to interpret as more than friendly the more I’ve replayed the game. However, this analysis will break down more tangible moments throughout the game.

Part 1: What Lee and Kenny’s Dynamic is

Lee and Kenny are the classic but tragic “never got to tell them how I felt” trope. Due to many factors, their feelings for each other were something that they only had themselves to rely on and carry the burden of. This even resulted in tension in resentment towards one another. From the overwhelming apocalyptic state of the world, to Kenny having a wife and kid, to the both of them most likely not being comfortable exploring their sexuality– so many odds were stacked against them. Ultimately, they were in a predicament where they could’ve confronted their feelings for each other if they were given more time. But, the two men only knew each other for a handful of months before their separation.

While most of the obstacles that got in the two’s way were external, Lee and Kenny, Kenny in particular, also got in their own way very often. One of the main ongoing plot points within season 1 is that Kenny and Lilly both have a different way of leading and Lee is stuck in the middle. Along with this, Lee is generally put in a lot of difficult situations with Kenny, as Kenny sees him as his right hand man and takes it very personally whenever Lee disagrees with him on something. Now, what I’m about to say next is my own opinion and anyone reading is allowed to disagree but, I personally think that the version of Lee and Kenny’s relationship that’s the least accurate is the one where Lee agrees with every single one of Kenny’s actions and has Kenny as an immovable pillar of support. This is because I’ve always interpreted the most canon version of Lee to be the one who tries his best to take the moral high ground, which Kenny arguably doesn’t always do. So, as off-balanced and unhealthy as their relationship turns out when Lee sticks to these morals, I do think it’s important to what Kenny and Lee’s true and honest dynamic is— after all, they’re foils to one another.

Something that’s important to address is how much Kenny cares what Lee thinks— more specifically, what Lee thinks of Kenny. This is something that Kenny has shown time and time again to agonize over. As far as the first season goes, generally anyone could disagree with Kenny and he would feel more inclined to brush it off and carry on because he knew that, to him, he was right— except for when it comes to Lee. Whenever Lee expresses disagreement or disapproval in something that Kenny is doing, Kenny is beside himself. He rages at Lee, tries to convince him to see things his way, holds a grudge towards him, and overall gives the other man a very emotionally heated response. My belief is that Lee is someone Kenny admires and looks up to to a degree. Because of this, whenever him and Lee differ on something, it forces Kenny to self-reflect and reevaluate his own actions and values, which Kenny isn’t comfortable with doing. Furthermore, he’s also convinced himself that Lee thinks less of him as a person everytime the two don’t see eye to eye on something, which Kenny could not bear. To cope with all of this, he tries to bring himself to hate Lee instead.

So, how do Lee and his feelings play into this? The way I see it, Lee is the only person who sees the hurt behind Kenny’s actions, the good intention behind Kenny’s actions, and can understand the man even when he doesn’t agree with him— the only one besides Katjaa, of course, which isn’t for nothing. As someone who was on his way to jail for murder a day before meeting Kenny, he understands expressing anger through aggression, feeling betrayed by someone you love, making mistakes that can’t be undone, etc. better than anyone. And while he’s not proud of those things, he came out of the situation feeling as though he has no right to judge anybody, so he doesn’t dare judge Kenny. That being said, he hopes and tries to assist Kenny in working past his demons the way that Lee was able to. He sees the great traits within Kenny— his ability to lead, his passion for what he believes in, his diehard efforts to protect his family— and believes that those things are capable of defining him instead of the bad. (long story short he thinks he can fix him y’all sorry)

Part 2: How Their Interactions Mirror one of Two People in a Relationship

This next section is going to be dedicated to a variety of examples that showcase my point that Kenny and Lee’s relationship was written a lot more intimately and a lot less “bro” like than there’s any excuse for. These are all instances that fail to add up completely unless you switch the perspective from platonic to romantic.

What I believe to be the strongest example of this is when Lee finally faces the stranger in the season 1 finale. The stranger asks Lee, “Have you ever hurt somebody that you care about?” and it prompts three options for the player to choose from. The first option is his wife, and the second option is Clementine who is essentially a daughter to Lee. These options make complete sense, especially since this question is followed by the stranger sharing how he hurt and lost his children and wife. The third option, however, is Kenny. This option sticks out like a sore thumb to me because it just doesn’t really fit quite right as the placeholder “friend” option. If Kenny was Lee’s childhood friend, or even college friend, or any context where they had a long standing history with each other that started before the apocalypse, I don’t think I would’ve bat an eye to it. It’s like how if (I don’t watch the show so if this ends up making no sense forgive me) Rick gave Shane as an answer, I wouldn’t have questioned it. Lee and Kenny only knew each other for around 5 months, though. Additionally, the only things Lee did to “hurt” Kenny was by personally hurting his feelings whenever he had a differing opinion as him. The way that Lee speaks about the entire situation in hindsight just feels a lot deeper and much more nuanced than a friendship.

Additionally, when the crew are all stuck in the attic together, Lee is having a conversation with Christa and Omid where he reveals who he’d like to take care of Clementine if he didn’t make it. The options are either Christa and Omid themselves, Kenny, or to find a different family to take care of Clementine. Kenny’s always been my favorite character, so the first couple of times I played this game I chose him based solely on bias. As I got older, though, the option of Kenny once again felt out of place for me. Lee is capable of choosing between a healthy stable young adult couple with good heads on their shoulders who want to raise a kid anyway… or Kenny. It’s not an even comparison at all– unless Kenny was Lee’s partner, then asking Kenny to look after Clementine in his absence would make perfect sense.

This one has been pointed out various times by shippers, but I’m going to mention it anyway because I think The Walking Dead Game’s writers are brilliant and that very little of their dialogue can be brushed off as an ‘accident’ or ‘coincidence.’ Throughout the game, only three people refer to Kenny with the nickname ‘Ken’: Katjaa, Sarita, and Lee. Do I think TWDG writers added this with the purpose of hinting at Lee and Kenny having a romantic relationship? No. However, I do think this was done intentionally to emphasize the level of closeness between the two, and I find it interesting that they went about it by giving Lee a habit that only Kenny’s wife and Kenny’s girlfriend could share with him. In other words, it feels like these two characters were coded without the game even realizing what they were doing– not like I’m complaining.

Part 3: How They’re More to Each Other Than They Are to Their Canon Love Interests

I’ve given examples of when the story has treated Lee as though he’s equal to Katjaa and Sarita in Kenny’s eyes. However, there is also evidence of Lee being held closer to Kenny than Katjaa or Sarita– same goes for Lee, as there’s an argument to be made that he held Kenny in a deeper regard than he did Carley. I want to preface this by saying, I am not here to pit Kenny and Katjaa against each other and don’t think it’s necessary to advocate for this ship. I myself love Katjaa as a character, and I also know and believe that Kenny loved Katjaa deeply. Sarita is a different story, and I could go on my whole tangent about how she was only put in the story as a plot device to drive a wedge between Kenny and Clementine, but I won’t. I’m also a fan of Lee and Carley as a ship, and a big multishipper in general, so please do not misunderstand this as me invalidating any other pairing.

When Carley (who canonically was Lee’s hinted at or potential love interest) was shot in the face right in front of Lee, he was considerably okay. All of his energy was put into disciplining Lily, but as far as Carley’s death itself, he didn’t really give much of a reaction. He had watched so much death at the point that it seemed like he was starting to get somewhat desensitized to it. When Kenny “died”, however– because remember, he never actually saw it, but just the mere thought of Kenny dying had Lee torn up in a way we hadn’t seen throughout the entire game. He took a beat to kneel over, exclaimed and cursed to himself, and was incredibly somber from that point on. There are even dialogue options for him to get snappy at Omid and Christa about the matter right after, making it abundantly clear how sore he’s left from it.

Kenny, on the other hand, mentioned, reminisced about, or blatantly said that he missed Lee on multiple occasions. He had only really mentioned Katjaa once in season 2 (from what I can recall), and one could argue that it was out of respect for Sarita, which is fair. This brings me back to what I touched on earlier about Sarita, which is that I feel she’s a placeholder– for both the story and for Kenny. He seemed excited to be with someone again, to have someone to hold at night, and to have the void of loneliness filled more than he seemed connected to Sarita as a person (hence him saying “I won’t be left alone again” as Sarita was dying–felt like the reminder of his past trauma was what was hurting him in the moment if anything). He, in my opinion, genuinely had the most connection or a dynamic that feels the most like a relationship on paper with Lee than any other character in the game.

Part 4: What Made Their Parting so Tragic/Their ‘Confession’

Seeing the scene for yourselves is a lot easier and much more effective than me trying to explain how it went, so refresh your memory with the video linked below:

If I had to pinpoint a part of the game that felt like an admission of feelings between the two, I’d say it was the moment during their separation, which is painful enough in itself. The few words that were exchanged by them in that moment, as well as the context of Kenny sacrificing himself and Lee fighting to convince him not to, felt like they were conveying everything they were feeling but couldn’t bring themselves to say directly. Along with this, Kenny let go of his complex towards Lee in that moment. He finally stopped feeling threatened and belittled by Lee’s unwavering goodness and, in Carley’s words, took a page from his book. That’s the silver lining of this moment– Kenny finally made a decision that he wouldn’t live in regret about.

Lee, on the other hand, died thinking that Kenny was dead. My best friend pointed out how, in Lee’s final moments, he probably thought about how he’d get to see Kenny again, not knowing that Kenny was perfectly fine. That just about broke my heart. What’s even more heartbreaking, though, is what would’ve been going through Kenny’s mind if Lee had cut his arm off. He disappears with the possibility of Lee still being alive hanging over him, agonizing over not being able to find him again– especially by the time he met up with Walter, Matthew and Sarita, as he probably encountered or heard stories about people who survived bites by cutting off their limbs by then. Once he reunited with Clementine and saw that Lee wasn’t with her, he was then forced to face his death.

In conclusion, I interpret Lee and Kenny to without a doubt have feelings for each other, but I believe they never got an opportunity to act on them. Their love story ends with Lee dead, and Kenny left agonizing over what could’ve been. It’s not a happy story at all, but that’s what makes it so good… and if there are any modern AU fics of them out there please send them my way because I am in misery. Again, this is all simply my opinion and I do not care enough to argue about it, though I’d love to hear everyone’s thoughts! Even differing ones given that you’re being respectful :)

[sixhours]

Chapter 1 - The Ghosts of Babylon

Series Chapter Index | Read on AO3 | Complete

Rating: Explicit, 18+, here be smut and violence Series tags: Joel Miller x You, Joel Miller x Reader, Joel & Ellie, mostly follows canon, LGBTQ+ characters, y/n is bi/pan, y/n is ~45, violence, pregnancy, abortion, medical trauma, emotional trauma, panic attacks, sex work, suicide, smut, slow burn, angst with a happy ending, hurt/comfort, romance, no use of y/n, reader has longish hair, Joel can lift you, smallish age gap (~11 years), I've probably forgotten some so please let me know <3

~*~

Portland, Maine September 26, 2003

“Fuck.”

The air in the bathroom is thick with moisture, making it hard to breathe. You wipe at the condensation on the mirror and stare at the face reflected back at you, pale and drawn in the yellow light.

“Fuck, fuuuuck,” you mutter, holding the pregnancy test up and squinting, tilting it this way and that, hoping the extra line is just a trick of the light, but it doesn’t go away. You groan, internally vacillating between panic and rage.

Fuck.

There’s a knock at the door. Your girlfriend, Joanna, probably wondering what’s taking so long.

“Hey, you done? We just got called into the hospital again.”

“What?” You drop the stick onto the counter, but you can’t stop staring at it, the two clear blue lines taunting you. Outside your shared one-bedroom apartment a siren begins to wail. “I just got home.”

“That’s the job, babe,” Jo says. The doorknob creaks, breaking your reverie.

“Shit, just a sec,” you mutter, shoving your foot against the door and fumbling for some toilet paper to wrap the test in before tucking it at the bottom of the garbage can. You swallow the urge to vomit as Jo pokes her head in.

“You’ve been in here forever–”

“Jeez, privacy,” you snap, clutching the towel to your body more tightly, suddenly keenly aware of how flimsy it is, how exposed you are.

Jo’s eyes widen with hurt and you immediately soften, guilt stabbing at the gentlest swell in your abdomen. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry…it’s just been a long-ass day.”

You soothe her with a quick kiss, hoping she can’t taste the hint of bile under the mint of your toothpaste and mouthwash.

“I’ll be right there,” you say, ducking around her, headed to your room in search of fresh scrubs.

“You want something to eat? I made sandwiches to go.”

Your stomach turns. “No, I ate at the caf after my last shift,” you lie. “Is this an all-hands thing?” you call over your shoulder as you dig in the hamper. Nothing is clean, there’s never enough time to do laundry.

Plenty of time to fuck an old buddy and get knocked up, though , you think, setting your lips in a grim line and smoothing the wrinkles out of some navy blue slacks.

“Yeah, Dan says they’re calling everyone in,” she confirms. “Something about a virus, flu season’s starting early, they’re expecting a full house. It’s bad.”

“Mmm,” you say, pulling on the freshest top you can find and tying back your hair in a ponytail. You meet Jo at the door where she hands you a brown paper sack, presumably your sandwich.

“You okay?” she asks as you walk the four blocks to the hospital, grateful for the crisp fall air. You hope it hides the flush in your cheeks, hopes she didn’t hear you retching before you stepped into the shower. She reaches for your hand and takes it, but your fingers are numb. “You’re quiet.”

“I’m fine,” you say automatically. “Just…tired.”

“Okay…hey, I had an idea for our anniversary next week.”

“Hmm?”

“There’s this new place on Congress Street, they do a great brunch with free mimosas? Since it’s on a Sunday I thought we could probably sneak in a date after your shift–”

“That’s fine,” you say automatically, squeezing her hand in weak reassurance; just the word brunch makes your stomach turn. “I mean, great, sounds great.”

She stops you outside the hospital’s employee entrance and holds fast to your hand to pull you back before you can go in.

“Babe. Are you sure you’re alright?”

You blink back tears, swallow hard, and it almost comes out. You open your mouth to speak, but the sound of a siren interrupts as an ambulance screams out of the nearby garage, lights flashing, and the moment is gone.

You pull her into a tight hug. She smells soft and warm and familiar, like oranges and vanilla. You press a tight kiss to the nape of her neck in an unusually public display of affection.

“Whoa,” she says softly, taking an unintentional step back as if to catch you.

“I’m okay,” you murmur into her neck. “We’ll be okay.”

~*~

The smell of antiseptic barely registers as you enter the building, so familiar to you now it’s like a second home. Joanna gives you a quick wave before being intercepted by her attending, who drags her off to the ICU to check on a patient.

By the time you drop your bag off at your locker, shoving the paper satchel with your sandwich at the back, you’ve almost put the pregnancy out of your mind. It comes naturally, this tight compartmentalization of your feelings, this easy decoupling from your emotional state.

The on-call attending physician looks no worse for the wear, and in the back of your mind, you wonder if someone higher up is overreacting to the news out of Indonesia. Your limited knowledge of virology knows the flu can’t jump that quickly. You’re over a hundred miles from the nearest major airport. It will be several days before what’s happening there crawls its way to this tiny state. It’s true, the waiting room is busy, but that’s not unusual for a Friday night.

You fight off a wave of nausea and take a clipboard from the wall.

~*~

Several hours later, at about the time a man named Joel Miller is holding his dead daughter in his arms somewhere in Texas, you are beginning to understand that this is not influenza.

Reports out of Boston and New York City are fragmented and, quite frankly, unbelievable. There’s a federal emergency warning on the screen of every television in the lobby and a growing sense of unease as nurses, doctors, and assistants dash between rooms, weaving between gurneys, calling out orders for beds, antibiotics, IVs. The thrum of the waiting room only grows louder and more insistent. The sirens are a constant, frenetic wail in the distance.

But all of that is a dim clamor in the background because your latest patient has a bite. A distinctly human-mouth-shaped arc of angry red impressions in the crook of their neck. The patient also has a sudden fever and a rash that is rapidly spreading up the side of their head. 

Rashes don’t move like that, rashes don’t fucking undulate …

If you didn’t know better you’d think it was blood poisoning, but you’ve never seen sepsis like this. You watched the bite happen, watched a troubled man in the waiting room lurch from his chair and fly toward his victim, sinking his teeth into the flesh of her neck before being restrained by an orderly and the receptionist. That was maybe five minutes ago, and you’ve never seen an infection spread so fucking fast . By the time you’d helped the patient into a cot, they were already shivering, skin clammy and burning at the same time.

The patient is your partner, Joanna.

“What…the fuck,” she murmurs, chest heaving. Her neck twitches and jumps under your careful, probing touch. Her skin is already dewy with sweat, hot under your fingertips.

“Hold still,” you hiss, unsure if you’re talking to her or your trembling hands. You douse the bite in antiseptic, wiping away the blood with a clean square of gauze, leaning in to examine the rash again. It’s crept up from her collarbone to her ear, and it has to be your imagination, but you can almost see it…move. Joanna is shivering, whether from the fever or shock you don’t know, but you don’t have time to process before a shriek rings out from the hall.

“Need some help out here!”

Joanna grimaces, hissing softly through her teeth. “Go.”

“Jo–”

“Go. I’ll be fine,” she says, even as her eyes roll back in pain.

You give her one last desperate look, squeezing her hand, whispering, “I’ll be right back,” before ducking out of the room.

A woman is seizing on the floor, spasms jerking her limbs from side to side. A nurse looks up at you with wide eyes as he attempts to stabilize the patient’s head and neck. The seizing woman’s head turns sharply and her teeth make contact with his wrist, ripping a gash in the tender flesh.

“Shit!” he cries, jerking his hand away, blood running in rivulets down his arm.

“Go, I’ve got this,” you bark. He doesn’t wait, doesn’t ask if you’re sure, just backs away and runs down the hall.

A hot hand on your shoulder spins you around before you can figure out what to do with the writhing woman on the floor. It’s Joanna, her eyes cloudy. The heat radiates off her body in waves, the rash–

Not a rash.

–has spread up her neck, already red and raised welt-like lines are slithering–

Rashes don’t slither.

–around the sunken sockets of her eyes.

“Help…” she croaks. Her fingers pulse and twitch against your collarbone, gripping too tight, too close.

“Jo, it’s–” you start to soothe, intending to send her back to bed, but she’s staggering toward you in sharp jerks, her mouth glistening, and some deep, primal urge makes you recoil from your lover’s embrace. You stumble backward, heels catching on the woman on the floor, and you land on your tailbone behind her.

Joanna follows like a moth to your flame, pitching forward, crawling, oblivious to the woman on the floor who is also moving underneath her, rolling over in a jerky, twisting, impossible way. Both women lock onto you and you can almost feel their need, their–

Hunger.

From down the hall comes a rising chorus of shouts, a crash. Someone bursts through the doors from the waiting room, one shoulder soaked with blood. From between the swinging doors, you see glimpses of chaos, hear more screams.

No. No. Not Jo. Not–

Something inside you breaks; you scramble backward, barely stifling a moan. You feel a hand tighten around your ankle and you kick it away, the tile floor slippery against your sweaty palms. Another hand grasps, scrabbles, another kick; a bloody palm print gleams on the crisp white leather toe of your sneaker.

No! No! Get out!

By some miracle you find your feet, feel yourself turning, running down the hall, deeper into the hospital. A dim part of your brain reaches for a reprimand, but you can’t make yourself stop, driven by panic, passing lines of gurneys and bodies slumped on the floor. You’re acutely aware of the thick smell of blood, drowning out the familiar antiseptic wash. You push your way through crowded halls over a chorus of groans and screams.

Out get out get out out out–

You burst through an emergency exit at the back of the hospital gasping for air, pressing your back to the weathered brick. Your heart lurches in your chest, wishing for this to end, for you to wake up in your bed after a bad dream.

A pregnancy dream , you think, barking a manic laugh into the night, recalling that your biggest fear this morning had been a little nausea and a missing red dot on the calendar. You taste hot bile and feel yourself swaying, ready to empty the meager contents of your stomach next to the dumpster, but a blinding light freezes you in its glare.

“Stop right there!”

You blink, stunned. Then you see the gun.

A figure in Army fatigues is pointing a rifle at you. The trembling of the muzzle makes you understand he’s just as scared as you are. If you get sick now, you’re a dead woman.

You raise your shaking hands in surrender. “Don’t shoot, I’m a…I’m a doctor.” 

He doesn’t lower the weapon. “Are you bit?”

“I’m not–I don’t know what–”

His voice rises, panic creeping in as he gestures with the rifle, jabbing it at you. “Are you bit?!? Are you sick?”

“No!” you say, trying not to let your voice shake. “No, I’m not sick.”

He swallows hard, appearing to take this in. You close your eyes in the endless seconds between breaths, waiting for the crack of the rifle.

You open your eyes at the sound of the gun being lowered to his side.

“Ma’am,” he says shakily. “I think you should come with me.”