#I set a reading goal 'cause I wanna read more

[greppelheks]

happy new year, my loves 💖 I'm doing my little new year's ritual of cleaning everything, cleaning some bad energy in the house, and journalling. Hope you all had a good new year's eve!

[ceesimz]

Reverie - Part 2

Autistic Reader x Barça Femení - part one here

Hey, welcome back for part two :) Thank you so much for the love, this genuinely wouldn't have been posted had it not been for the reaction to the first. Again, more things I wanna mention before reading. This part includes the aftermath of a bad meltdown, but the actual meltdown part is not written in. This was a personal decision because quite honestly there is no way to sum that experience down into a few words, it's impossible. The best example I have seen of a meltdown in the media is the character of Quinni in Heartbreak High on Netflix, if you're interested then you should watch that scene in the first season. I hope you enjoy this second part, thank you for taking the time to read it, let me know what you think :)

Your first Champion’s League game for Barcelona, a group stage game against PSG at home, didn’t quite go as planned.

From the first minute of the game, things weren’t clicking out on the pitch for you. Passes to and from you weren’t connecting, you were losing duels you definitely shouldn’t and you were missing key, game-changing shots. 

Half-time came way too quickly, and to everybody’s frustration, the score was still 0-0. As everyone sat in the changing rooms receiving treatment or refreshing themselves with energy drinks and whatnot, the result wasn’t the thing at the forefront of Ingrid's mind. It was you. She could see defeat written all over you before the match had even concluded. It didn’t bode well what this game was doing to you. Before she could do anything, she was called away for a tactical discussion. Then the break was over and everybody was being ushered back to the pitch, and her opportunity was gone.

Rough challenges, an open goal miss, and a yellow card later, you were done for. Your streak was over, you knew what was coming and there was no way to avoid it.

Nobody heard from you for ten hours, nobody saw you at any point after the game, and quite frankly nobody knew where you were. Ingrid knew though. And if her gut feeling about what had happened was correct, she was going to need back up for this one. She hadn’t dealt with a situation like this for a while now, and she felt a little out of her depth.

“Why didn’t anybody stay with her last night?” Alexia asked with a deep-set frown, rushing to your flat alongside Mapi and Ingrid. “You guys live in the same complex as her, why didn’t you check up on her?”

“I don’t know, Alexia! If I could go back and change it, I would, I swear.” Ingrid replied desperately, looking through her keys to find the one to her old flat. 

“Hey, let’s not argue. She won’t be in any fit state to deal with that, we can hash it out later.” Mapi attempted to de-escalate the situation whilst taking the keys from her girlfriend's shaking hands and quietly unlocking the door.

The thing they'd all been worried about made its presence known immediately. Ingrid’s heart broke, and she’d never regretted a decision more in her life.

By the door, your bag had been thrown haphazardly towards the shoe rack, causing the contents of both items to be strewn across the entryway. As the trio stepped past the mess and entered the main room, their concern doubled. There seemed to be two smashed glasses in the kitchen, one of the framed prints from your lounge wall had fallen down, a plant had been knocked over, yet there was no sign of you. The curtains were drawn, the lights were off, and the flat was deathly silent.

“What do we do?” Alexia questioned quietly, afraid of shattering the calm that had seemingly settled after the storm, and unsure what the best way to go about this was. She'd never really experienced anything like this before, at least not to this degree.

“Can you two clean up a bit? She will be in bed, I should go to her first I think.” Ingrid decided as her eyes were glued to your closed bedroom door.

“Of course. If either of you need anything, princesa, just shout for us.” Mapi reminded her, knowing that whatever was in store for her behind your bedroom door could be mentally taxing for her too. She nodded, and at that left the two Spaniards to clean up as she went off to do some damage control.

What greeted her when she entered your room was a sight she hadn’t seen in a long time. Not since the several hour journeys the pair of you would make throughout Germany to meet up, not since national camps, not for years. 

Ingrid found you as a disfigured lump under the duvet, the only thing visible being your hair peeking out just slightly. Again, the lights were off and the curtains were drawn, but with it being morning there was enough daylight bleeding through the soft material to let her look around the room. Just like the rest of the flat, it was in a concerning state of disarray. That wasn't at the forefront of her mind though right now though.

“Elskling?” She called out softly, though got no response. Her only option was to step closer, around to the side of the bed you lay on to try and get your attention.

You were lay on your stomach, cheek smushed against the mattress, and most unnervingly of all, your eyes were open and staring straight ahead at the wall in front. The look on your face was hauntingly empty, yet agonised all in one.

“Hey.” Ingrid whispered, kneeling down before you, yet you didn't even acknowledge she was there. 

It was that moment that the defender noticed the tear tracks, the redness to your face, and the internal agony and undertones of fear present in your blood-shot eyes. She swallowed the lump in her throat, broken at the sight of you, before gently placing her hand on your back atop the sheets.

“If you can hear me, min engel, just give me a tiny nod at least. That's all I ask.” The relief that flooded her when you did exactly what she said was immense, it filled her from head to toe, so grateful you were at least present in the room now. 

“Thank you, that's all I needed.” She smiled sadly, delicately pushing a few strands of hair out of your face. “I'm going to sit here with you for as long as you need. María and Alexia are here too but they won't come in unless you say otherwise, they are just cleaning up for you. I love you, søster, I am always going to love you no matter what.”

Her words, her compassionate and caring words, broke through the trance you'd been in ever since your explosive meltdown had ended however long ago. Ingrid's unconditional love that she consistently showed towards you made itself known yet again, it being quite possibly the one sole thing that could get through to you in this precarious moment. 

The taller woman panicked the moment she saw you tearing up again, worried that she had said the wrong thing, but then your arm reached out from under the covers and grasped desperately at the hand on your back.

“It's okay, it's okay. I've got you. I'm here, you're safe, and I've got you.” Her free hand came up to wipe the tears that fell silently, the repetitive movement of her thumb across your wet cheeks a comfort you clung onto. Meanwhile, the arm of hers you'd grabbed now had both your arms wrapped around it, eyes scrunched tightly shut to keep the tears at bay as much as possible. 

It wasn't possible though, they were coming out thick and fast with no way of stopping them.

“Let it out, snuppa, you will feel better.”

And let it out you did; all the anger you directed at yourself the second the final whistle blew the day before dissipated, and a fatalistic sadness washed over you. You don't know how long you spent sobbing into the mattress, all you knew was that Ingrid was there and she wasn't leaving. She repeated reassuring words over and over until they finally registered, eventually helping you to calm down.

All that was left was an exhausted, now mindless shell of you, stuttered breaths sounding through the quiet room every so often. Ingrid's hand was tracing light circles on the palm of yours, whilst she was quietly suffering through a numb arm that you held onto still.

“Have you had anything to eat or drink since yesterday?” Ingrid asked, her assumption confirmed by the slight shake of your head. “Can I leave for a few seconds to get you something, or shall I ask one of the girls to do it?”

“Stay.” You could barely get the single word out; your throat was already dry and hurting from the exertion it had experienced in the last twelve hours or so, nevermind the mental challenge it was to speak.

“Alright, I will stay. Is it okay if one of them comes in then?” Another tiny, barely noticeable nod. “I will text them, thank you.”

No more than a few silent minutes later, there was a polite knock on the door, shortly followed by Alexia walking in with a tray in her arms. On it was a glass of water, a variety of snacks, some electrolyte tablets and even a box of tissues. She had really thought of it all.

Alexia’s eyes glanced up to where you were, before turning back to Ingrid with a questioning look in her eyes. Ingrid only shook her head, and Alexia took that as her cue to leave. It was clear, from just one momentary glance, that Ingrid still had more progress to make with you, so Alexia quietly slipped straight back out of the room.

When Ingrid turned back to you, all she saw was the sixteen year old version of you, crying in a hotel room hours from home after being dropped to the bench for an upcoming match. She saw the seventeen year old inside of you, the one that had gotten way past drunk at a party and had collapsed into a blubbering, destroyed mess on your bed after near enough carrying you home. She saw you at twenty, breaking down when she revealed she was moving to Wolfsburg, fumbling through the congratulatory messages whilst trying to come to terms with the fact your best friend was moving to a whole different country, feeling like the world was collapsing around you. You, twenty-three, leaving your last national camp, physically and mentally ruined, unable to talk, body and mind exhausted after a night of tears, frustration, and a soul crushing amount of remorse at the decision you had no choice but to make.

Every version of yourself, past and present, was right there in front of her; every version needing the support she was giving. Every version was still alive in some way, they would never die. With this disorder, things don’t come and go, they’re always there, ready to be triggered at any given moment. She had seen this one and the others a handful of times before, but you’d have them with you for the rest of your life. Your own cross to bear, something she’d never come to experience or understand, but if she can carry the load with you then she’d give up everything else in her life to do so.

“Are you ready to sit up? Ale brought in some stuff for you.” She said, her hand resting on your cheek and caressing it lightly. 

You only shrugged, not quite ready to leave your space yet. If you moved now, you had to face the world again, had to recover from the night’s meltdown and move on. It was daunting, nothing short of terrifying, and the longer you could delay the process, the better.

“The three of us have cleared our day, should you need us. We’ll go at your pace, do things how you want. I’ll be right here.” 

You found solace in Ingrid’s company; having her here meant you could relax and focus on something else other than the noise in your head. Your thoughts were having a whale of a time up there, you couldn’t land on a single one as they were spiralling around too much to pick one out. It was exactly that - just noise. But then you’d avert your eyes slightly to the left and land on a certain dark-haired woman, and everything went silent. Knowing that Alexia and Mapi were just a few metres away behind the door might have made you panic, but you trusted them both and knew that they were equally concerned about you as Ingrid was. As Alexia had told you since one of the first times you spoke to her, she wanted to be a person you felt comfortable with to go to about any problems, and you did trust her. Mapi too, though she came as an unspoken package deal with Ingrid, whether she liked that or not.

“I’m sorry.” You mumbled, surprising yourself as much as you did Ingrid. She frowned at you, wondering why of all things you could say after the difficult time you’d had in the last day, you chose to apologise.

“Sorry about what? You don’t need to apologise for anything, elskling.” She told you, finally moving her dead arm to hold one of your hands and squeeze it comfortingly.

“Yesterday. The match. Me.” Talking was still hard, but the guilt was monumental.

“The result wasn’t your fault. That’s just how football is sometimes, but we didn’t lose and we still have more group stage games to go. The whole team was off, it wasn’t your fault.” Ingrid reminded you, her eyes wide as she tried to get the message through to you.

“Yellow card.”

“You did get a yellow card, but we all saw the replay afterwards and you got the ball. The referee got it wrong. You also scored our only goal of the game, engel, don’t forget that.” She shuffled a little closer on her knees, placing another kiss to your forehead.

“Suppose so.” You grumbled a minute later, Ingrid smiling in amusement.

“You did so.” She commented, thumb still stroking along the skin of your cheekbone. “Did you have a bad meltdown last night?”

“Mhm.” You hummed dejectedly, overcome with shame and embarrassment at now admitting it to someone. The evidence of it was all around, you knew the trio in your house had seen it all, but there was something gut-wrenching about admitting it aloud.

“Okay. We’ll pick up the pieces and put you back together, don’t worry.” Ingrid stated resolutely, like there was no other option.

With the next thing you said, someone might have to come along and piece Ingrid back together.

“Why do they have to happen, Ingrid? I hate them so fucking much.” 

All your vulnerabilities poured out in two short sentences. Twenty-six years later and the process of a meltdown never got any less demoralising.

“I know, I know.” She moved from her place on the floor and clambered onto the bed behind you, recognising that you had entered a head space where you’d feel comfortable with it now. You confirmed that for her by rolling onto your side, allowing her to shuffle up and hug you tightly back to her chest. “Hey, think of it this way. This is your first one since moving to Spain, that’s amazing! I’m so proud. You’ve handled everything so well, I bet younger you is so proud too.”

Progress wasn’t linear, and it didn’t have the same definition in this case as it did for the majority of the population. Progress meant learning about yourself, learning what harmed you and what you couldn’t deal with, so that you could come up with solutions. There wasn’t a way to grow comfortable with certain things, like restaurants for example, it was about realising what precautions had to be taken beforehand and what support you needed afterwards. Progress was being able to ask people for help, it was having the courage to say no to plans you wouldn’t be able to cope with, it was accepting that yes, you were different, but no, it didn’t make you any less worthy than the next person.

You had made progress, but not the textbook definition of it. Autism took everything about the allistic world and re-defined it for itself.

“Thank you.” You said, voice cracking a little as you did so, a slither of a smile on your face when Ingrid kissed the back of your neck. “Love you, Ingrid.”

The defender felt as if her heart had burst upon hearing those two words. But with the swell of joy that filled her chest, quickly came the crushing sense of regret from earlier.

“I love you too. I'm sorry for not being here last night. I could have helped, or just been with you, and I didn't. I'm sorry for that.” 

Her apology tugged at your heart; you didn't blame her, not one bit. 99% of the time, there was no stopping these things, no matter what you tried or who you were with.

“It's okay. Thank you for being here now.” 

Ingrid nestled in closer at that, and the strength of her hug was the exact kind of pressure needed for the remnants of the dark cloud that had hung over you for a while to finally drift away. The pair of you stayed that way for a while, both more than happy to relish in the peace that had settled, but when there are two antsy women only a few feet behind the door, a disruption is inevitable.

“Can they come in? They’re both worried and will just want to see you're okay.” Ingrid asked quietly after one of them had knocked on the door. You nodded sheepishly, so Ingrid called them in.

“How are things going in here?” Mapi asked carefully, smiling at her girlfriend who gave her a reassuring nod.

“Good. We’re doing okay now.” Ingrid answered honestly, feeling just as relieved as the two Spaniards at the door looked.

“You guys can come in instead of hanging around by the door.” You told them, Ingrid stifling her laughter behind you.

“You two look cosy. Let me join, I'm jealous.” Mapi grinned, dramatically diving onto the bed and sighing contently as she threw an arm around Ingrid's waist.

Alexia was still lingering awkwardly at the door as three of you lay in one double bed, thinking that she didn't want to intrude on a friendship that had been around far longer than she'd known you. But, as you had done for months now, you continued to surprise her.

“Come lay here, Ale.” You waved her over and pointed for her to lay beside the bed on the ground.

Ale. Sure, everybody called her that, but today was the first time you called her that.

She came over in a heartbeat, probably too eager, but she immediately got down and laid on her back beside you. You looked down at her with a shy smile, red eyes and all, and she returned it instantly with pink cheeks.

“Have you eaten yet?” She whispered, looking at the untouched tray of goods next to her. As you shook your head, she reached to grab the paper bag of bakery-bought cookies she had found in your kitchen and opened them, before taking one out and breaking a bit off to give to you. “Cookies for breakfast.”

“Cookies for breakfast.” You gladly took it and ate it, all whilst smiling down at the woman on the floor.

Alexia Putellas, your captain, a World Cup winner, voted best player in the world numerous times, laying on the floor of your apartment just for you. Playing for this team, in this city, was still such a perplexing situation, though fortunately for all the right reasons.

The rest of the day was spent with Mapi and Ingrid as you had told Alexia to go to her family dinner she had initially cancelled. She was reluctant to do so, but eventually she agreed and you were left with Ingrid and her hyperactive counterpart. They kept you distracted enough throughout the day, going for a walk with you, watching a movie with you, even inviting you back to their apartment for dinner where you spent the majority of the time with Bagheera on your lap. Mapi made digs at the fact her cat loved you more than her, and you just sat there with a grin on your face, knowing it was true and revelling in it. 

At the end of the night, you insisted on going back to your own flat after telling the pair of them you were tired of third-wheeling. With tight hugs from them both and one last gloat from you as Bagheera followed you to the door, you left them and made the very short journey back home. You had unknowingly left your phone there, and as you checked it for the first time in a couple hours, there was a surprise waiting for you on it.

Alexia: Would you like to get breakfast with me tomorrow? 

Alexia: I can meet you at your apartment and we can walk somewhere of your choice

Alexia: But if you don't want to, that’s okay!

Her nervousness radiated through the phone with her slight spam of texts, and you couldn’t help but smile at how endearing it was. As if you could ever say no to that. Even if it was a last minute change of plan, all you were going to do tomorrow was maybe go on a run or go to the gym before staying home all day. This was a welcome surprise.

Sticking true to her word, she showed up at 9am on the dot. Anyone would assume it was the middle of winter in Norway with the way she was dressed, when it was just a rainy day in Barcelona. But she was there, a shy smile on her face that was very uncharacteristic for her as she handed you one of the two umbrellas she had in her hands.

“I do have my own umbrella here, Ale.” You teased her, though you took it and closed the door behind you. When you turned back, there was a red shade to her cheeks.

“Well, good morning to you too.” She grumbled, trying to act grumpy but the smile on her face forced its way through sooner than she wanted. As soon as it did, she drew you in for one of those hugs that you may or may not think about more often than you'd admit.

You both easily fell into step after that, heading towards a quiet little cafe you had frequented since your first week in Barcelona. It was a short walk from your apartment, but that didn’t stop the grumbled complaints from Alexia about the weather the whole way, though by the time you arrived you were quite sure she was doing it just to hear you laugh. Again, it surprised you just how naturally conversation flowed between you both. There was no awkwardness, no nerves, just unfiltered joy spilling from the both of you. It hit you then. You were just being yourself around her. And that’s why it felt so good.

There was no reason to mask around Alexia; you felt safe around her. You could do or say anything, and most likely she would just smile right back at you. She’d seen most versions of you by now, and yet here she still was, inviting you out for breakfast even if it did rain on her parade. She had seen you at your happiest in your first game for the team when she came sprinting over, leading the charge for her teammates to celebrate with you. She saw you yesterday morning after a night of horror, eyes red and puffy, wrapped up unmoving in bed, and she lay on the floor beside you still with a smile on her face. You had already let her in more than some of the people you were closest with back in Germany and her opinion never faltered. 

After finding a table, beside the window of course, Alexia went off to order for the pair of you. Though, when she came back, there was a surprise on your plate.

“Why’d you get me this?” You asked shyly.

“Because it is your… your comfort food, right? I thought you would like it.” She shrugged the gesture off, sitting down across from you like it was nothing. Like it didn’t mean everything to you. It wasn’t the cookie itself that had your heart racing, it was the thought behind it that topped your heart back up with the love it needed after the past thirty-six hours.

“They are, but you didn’t have to do this for me. Thank you.” You said, hiding your smile by taking a drink of the hot cocoa you had chosen.

“Eh, it’s nothing. Have you ever tried this?” She gestured to her choice of meal, one of her favourites. “Pa amb tomàquet.”

“I don’t like tomatoes.” 

“Oh no, cariño.” Alexia muttered after a few quiet moments, shaking her head and dropping her cutlery. “No, no, no.”

“What?” You said in amusement, entertained by her dramatics.

“You just stamped on my culture. You broke my heart.”

“I broke your heart, did I?” You said with a smirk. “You broke my heart when you complained about the rain the whole way here.”

“How can anyone like rain? It is sad and boring.” She argued in mock outrage, though of course she can’t last a second around you without smiling.

“The rain reminds me of home.” You revealed sheepishly. Alexia’s shoulders dropped and her face softened instantly. “Both Norway and Germany, actually.”

“No, I understand. I get it. I never thought about it like that but I understand.” She told you, watching as you nodded and looked out the window. “Do you get homesick?”

“Sometimes.” You admitted in a whisper a minute later, only to clear your throat and turn your attention back to your food and start eating.

“You… you never speak Norwegian with Ingrid.” She stated, though it was clearly more of a question.

“Uh, nope. I find it hard to learn new languages, so when I learnt English and moved to Germany, it was like it became my first language. I can speak Norwegian still, obviously, and I would love to learn Spanish and Catalan but it’s just really tiring switching between languages. Mentally tiring, that is. I never learnt German other than a few basic phrases. It’s just too much to process if that makes sense.” 

You stumbled your way through an explanation of a minor secret you’d been a little shameful of for a while now. It was common courtesy to learn and understand the language of a new country, as well as immersing yourself in that and the culture, but it was something you had always struggled with. Admitting that to someone like Alexia was slightly terrifying.

“That’s okay, a lot of people here speak English so you don’t need to worry about learning the languages. But if you ever want some lessons, if or when you are ready, I could help. Or Aitana, or Jana, or someone else.” 

It was suggestions like that, easy solutions that were offered with no second thought, that made Alexia so endearing.

There was one thought that was ever-present in the back of your mind though, it had been for a while, but the meltdown brought it on even stronger. Once the pair of you had finished your meals and were merely just enjoying each other’s company, it came out before you could stop it.

“Do you think I’m doing well here?”

Alexia paused for a moment to think carefully, before placing her cup down and smiling over at you.

“I do. You want to know what I think?” You nodded with no hesitation. “I remember watching you play against us in the Champion’s League last year, you really caused us a lot of problems. And then I heard the coaches say they were thinking of signing you, and I really wanted you to come because I know you would flourish here. Our play style suits you well, and you are an amazing striker. Your positioning, your creativity, awareness, you are a well-rounded attacker. And outside of the pitch, well… the team is much better off with you here.”

“What do you mean?” You said, almost in a whisper.

“You are just a happy person. The happiest person in the changing room. Any one of us could be having a bad day, but then you are there with your smile and your cheeriness and it really lifts us all up.”

Dumb-founded. That's all you felt in that moment. 

Perhaps your face may not show that considering there was a thoughtful frown on your face as you processed the words nobody had ever said to you before, but then the slight shock wore off and… nope, still dumb-founded.

“Really?” You had to double check, because is that honestly what other people thought of you?

“Yes. It's the truth. Ingrid said she has never seen you bond like this with a team before. Believe me when I say you fit in, everybody loves you. We can't imagine what it's like to not have you now.” 

Well. You just might have to start believing that. What choice were you left with otherwise?

—

Something snapped inside of you after that day. A new problem had formed, one you couldn’t have expected at all. Had you dealt with a similar situation in the past? Yes. But those were much more convenient occasions. This one couldn’t be more inconvenient if you tried.

You couldn’t talk to Mapi about it, or Ingrid, or Alexia. Definitely not Alexia. 

It’s just a crush. You could get over a crush. 

Of course you fall for the first person who showed you a bit of humanity. What’s not to like about Alexia?

She lets you ramble to her when you want to, she sits in silence with you when you need it. During briefings at training, she’ll hand over a pack of chewing gum as she knows it helps you to concentrate or, even in some situations outside of training, she takes her rings off and lets you wear them so you can fidget with them instead of your bad habits of skin picking. She’s seen you very close to your worst, and she’s seen you at your best. She gives you her sunglasses whenever a place is too bright, not just because of the sun as it can be any kind of light, and she lets you squeeze her hand to death during take-offs and landings on planes whilst travelling for away games.

Maybe, maybe, it was a tad more than a crush. It’s not your fault though! She chose to act this way, she had inserted herself right into your life the moment she met you, so… what else were you supposed to do?

Oh boy. 

“Frido! I need your help!” You said in an urgent, hushed whisper. The unsuspecting Swede was just walking to her car after training when you called her name from the window of your own vehicle.

“Everything okay?” She checked with a concerned scowl to her eyebrows, coming over in an instant.

“Yes! Well, no, but yes, but- just get in the car please.” 

With a humoured smile, Frido headed around to the passenger side and hopped in, turning to you with an open expression.

“Are you sure you’re okay? You seem a bit agitated.” She probed once more. Being long-time friends with Ingrid meant you had obviously come to know Frido well too, and she was part of the group you found yourself in at Barcelona, with Aitana and Esmee also. Esmee was the person you sat with on the coach most of the time, you both gave each other the calmness needed after a game… but that was when you weren't with Alexia, of course.

“Yes, I am just screwed, Frido. So screwed.” You groaned, clutching the steering wheel tightly and dropping your forehead to rest on it.

“Why?” 

“I shouldn’t tell anyone but it’s going to explode out of me if I don't talk about it soon. And I can’t tell Ingrid or Mapi, so here we are.” Then you slumped back against your chair, a frustrated sigh leaving you as you crossed your arms.

“You can tell me anything, they don’t have to know. Getting it off your chest will help.” Frido smiled reassuringly at you. 

It probably wasn’t a good idea to tell anyone about it. Having someone else know made it a reality, for you right now it was just a thought, a daydream. But telling Frido would turn this stupid delusion into an actual, real problem rather than something you thought about at night. And during the day. Actually, most of the t- it doesn't matter. 

“You must never tell a soul, Frido.” You glared at her in warning, though you trusted her with your life. “And you can't make fun of me or laugh either. It's not funny.”

“Never, snuppa. I promise.” She swore.

Another sigh as your eyes flitted around anxiously, moving from the car beside you, to the sky, to the blonde waiting patiently for you to find the words you need. Maybe the world will be thrown upside down when you tell her, but it's either that or an implosion, so.

“I like Alexia. Really like her. And it's going to ruin my life.” 

It did not feel better saying it out loud.

“Why wou-”

“Because she is the captain! She’s the leader, everyone looks up to her, she's just being a human and now I have a crush on her! That's not fair on her! All she’s doing is just being nice to me, like everyone else on the team, and my stupid brain had to choose her. Of all people in the world, her! It's going to mess everything up, I've just found my place and I'm finally feeling somewhat comfortable here and then this happens and I just- I hate it!”

Your words shocked yourself, even. Apparently it was a much bigger problem than you initially thought. In reality, you should have picked up on that, relationships historically haven't gone well for you. 

Everybody says they don't care that you're autistic until your disability actually debilitates you. One glimpse of it and they’re gone. Then the world has the audacity to label you as someone who is ‘high-functioning’ with ‘low support needs’ just because you can get up in the morning and go to work. That doesn't mean you struggle any less, you’re not ‘mildly autistic’, those struggles are simply just internalised, therefore other people experience your autism mildly. If anything, they should be thanking you. Thanking you for making their life easier by making your own a million times harder.

Should Alexia ever see you during one of your meltdowns, she’d probably run for the hills. Quit her career, change her name, and flee to another country. That’s what most people did.

“Slow down, slow down. Come back to me, you are spiralling.” There were soft hands holding your own now, stopping you from palming them roughly against your arms, something you did in anxious moments like now. Movement helped you process things, it was no wonder you became a footballer.

“I don’t know what to do, Frido, it will ruin everythi-”

“Hey, be quiet for a moment.” She urged gently, and you turned to look at her with panic in your eyes. “This won’t ruin everything, that is just your anxiety talking. You’re allowed to have a crush on someone, skatt, you’re only human. It’s natural.”

“Yes, but it’s not the fact I have a crush, it’s who the crush is.”

“I know.” She paused for a second, figuring out the best way to help you around this. “When you talk to me, who do you see? Do you see Frido, your friend? Or do you see Fridolina Rolfö, the footballer?”

“I see Frido, my friend.” You answered skeptically.

“When you’re with Alexia, do you see her as Ale, your friend? Or do you see Alexia Putellas, your captain?” 

“She’s just Ale, but I don’t-”

“If you see Alexia like that normally, why are you picturing her differently in this case? As if she’s bigger than you and… unobtainable?”

Viewing it from another perspective definitely gave you some clarity. 

…But, after all, she is your captain?

“I don’t want to mess this opportunity up though. I was really worried I wouldn’t like it here, but now I do and I actually already love it more than Germany, but if I ever acted upon my feelings it could fuck it all up. I don’t know if I could handle that.” You said insecurely, chewing on your lower lip to keep the emotions at bay. 

When Frido had been silent for too long, you turned to look at her, only to find she was doing the same thing. As if she was deep in thought. Before you could coax whatever was clearly on the tip of her tongue out of her though, she was speaking.

“I know something that I shouldn’t. I’m going to tell you anyway because I think it will make you feel a lot better.” She began with a shy, yet excited expression to her features.

“What is it?” You prompted.

“Last week, in Seville. I was walking to my hotel room and… Mapi and Ale were ahead of me in the corridor. I don’t think they knew I was there, and I heard them having a conversation just like ours.”

Oh. Oh.

“How sure are you?” Your eyes searched her face, looking for even just an ounce of hesitation that would throw all this out the window for you. But it wasn’t there.

“I’m very sure, snuppa, I heard basically every word.” She said with an almost proud smile. “I don’t think you have to worry about anything. Sounds like Alexia feels the same as you do. And even if I hadn’t overheard that, it’s clear to a lot of us that Alexia felt that way anyway. Think of how much time she has spent with you since you joined. She doesn’t spend that much time with anyone on the team, to be honest.”

That caught your attention. Now that Frido mentions it, Alexia has spent a lot of time with you. There was that morning she took you out for breakfast, something you hadn't ever expected but after it, you wished it would happen every morning. She always chooses to sit next to you at any given point, whether that be in briefings or whilst travelling, as well as opting to partner up with you in training whenever the opportunity arises. She even took time out of her own evening to cook dinner for you and bring it to you once when you told her you had ran out of your meal prep. 

“I guess.” You mumbled with a frown.

“She’s just a girl after all. Like you.”

Once again, the world had decided to show you just how much your life can change with one single conversation.

—

Not that you acted upon anything, of course. Over a month passed by with things staying the same as they had been for a number of weeks before the revelation with Frido. Training, match, recovery day, repeat. Dinner at Ingrid and Mapi’s apartment every Thursday if the season schedule allowed it. Morning jogs on days-off, evenings spent basking in the golden glow of a Spanish sunset, some of the best you’d seen. There may have possibly been a few more breakfast outings with Alexia. And perhaps just one movie night. Or was it two? 

Regardless, the one good thing about having the natural ability to mask all the inner turmoil you had was being able to hide your feelings when you were around Alexia. On the other hand, your trait of analysing every detail of your life became a bit too exhausting. You were overthinking all of your actions - every word you said, the way you said it, what your hands were doing, what someone might interpret from your body language, every little thing you did kept you up at night. 

You definitely still liked her, that might… never go away. Those feelings only grew and weighed you down more and more, but you couldn’t distance yourself from her no matter how loud your mind screamed at you to do so. You liked her company, she ranked almost as high as Ingrid on your list of… list of what? People you liked? People you felt safe with? People you didn’t have to mask at all around? People you lov- too early.

There was just so much to think about, and so few solutions. There were literally two; you either tell her, or you pretend it never happened. What the hell were you meant to do with those options? Both were equally as terrifying. As if your fear of the future couldn’t get any deeper, you were now stood at a crossroads. Alexia could become the most important person in your life, or she could just become another person you leave behind in this free-for-all career. She could just slip into the past and become a distant memory. 

Massive leaps of faith still weren’t your thing. The fear of the unknown still ran rampant through your veins, and though you’d become a little more relaxed about certain things over the years, this was absolutely not one of those exceptions. The prospect of it all was just too overwhelming. Truthfully, you really didn’t think you could do this.

However, things all came to a head during the last training session of the year in December. Literally.

“Ale? Are you okay?” You asked in a strangled groan, one of your hands coming up to your head as you squinted through one eye to look for the woman you’d just clashed with.

“Oye, sit down. Ale is fine, you both hit heads though so you need to be checked for a concussion. Lay down.” Mapi demanded just as you got back up onto your knees. 

At that moment, you couldn’t have cared less about whether you had a concussion or not, all you cared for was that Alexia was okay. She was, maybe a black eye and a subsequent bruise to her ego, but she was fine. You had taken the brunt of it, straight to the temple.

You followed Mapi’s instruction and layed back down, your head already starting to throb quite a bit. Before you knew it, you were surrounded by some of the medical staff as they checked you over. Once they decided you were well enough to sit up, they urged you to do so as one of them came to cradle your neck to keep it steady. A bright light was flashed into your eyes, making you flinch, but they decided then that if you did have a concussion, it wasn’t too bad. The decision was made to take both you and Alexia inside as the rest of training went on, so the pair of you walked gingerly to the physio room. 

“You okay?” Alexia murmured quietly as you both trailed behind the physios a little. You ignored the way your heart fluttered when her hand found your forearm briefly, and instead blamed it on your head injury (though it may not be physically possible for those occurrences to be linked.)

“Mhm. Are you? I’m sorry that happened.” You replied. The collision was a bit hazy for you, you couldn’t exactly remember what had happened so if you were at fault, you had to make sure she knew it wasn’t purposeful. She had to know.

“No, no apologies, it’s just football. Happens all the time.” She reassured you, smiling comfortingly down at you as she held the door open for you.

In the room, the team ushered you both onto separate beds, forcing ice packs into your hands as they carried out more cautionary checks. And to add to the guilt you felt, they decided to rule you both out of the game tomorrow as a precaution. Your stomach dropped, dreading Alexia’s reaction. Everyone knew about her mentality, a missed game was a missed opportunity. You weren’t quite sure you could ever look her in the eye again.

The second the physios said you both could leave, you hopped off the bench and went to make a run for it. The sooner you could get home, the better. If you avoided the conversation, you could avoid the whole situation, and hide until the Winter break ended.

“Cariño, wait!” Alexia called out, managing to gently stop you by your wrist before you could flee. You didn’t put up much of a fight, you just sighed and lowered your head. Alexia gestured for the rest of the staff to leave the room for the time being, and that only made matters worse. Not only was she going to trap you in a conversation, there weren’t even any witnesses. “I just want to talk about something. Could you sit down?”

You had no choice but to entertain her.

Reluctantly, you sat back down on the physio bench you were on a moment ago, and copied Alexia’s position. Perched on the edge, legs hanging off the side, except your hands gripped the fabric of it quite a bit tighter.

“Sorry.” You whispered with a chagrined look to your face, eyes trained on the swing of your legs.

“What? Why?” Alexia asked. The confusion in her voice led you to look up at her with your own questioning glance.

“For getting us ruled out. We can’t play tomorrow now.” You told her, your eyes again looking anywhere in the room but at her. Then again, that always happened, no matter the occasion. 

“I told you that wasn’t your fault, you really don’t need to apologise. I’m not mad at you, so you don’t need to feel guilty or anything. We’re both okay, it’s just for our safety.” Alexia reminded softly, but with the head space you were in, you couldn’t believe her words just yet.

“What about the game though?” You uttered in a way akin to that of a down-trodden child, and Alexia could only smile in return at it.

“The team will handle it, they’ll be fine. You don’t have to worry about anything, it’s all out of your control. Chin up.” Alexia said with a coy grin. 

She laughed freely when you physically tilted your head up and squeezed your eyes shut to give a cheesy smile, and the sound of it instantly calmed most of your worries. 

“Is that all you wanted to talk about?” 

“Um, no, actually. There’s another thing.” She scratched the back of her neck nervously as she spoke, and just like that your anxiety came rushing back. “I just, I don’t want to make you feel uncomfortable in any way, so please tell me if I am because that’s not what I wan-”

Was she about to say it?

“Say it, Ale. Just say it.” You interrupted, because if she was going to say it, you needed it right now. You couldn’t wait a second longer.

“Right. Well…” There was a bright redness to her cheeks, not just from the head-to-head a while ago. “I, um, I… I like you. Really like you, actually. As in, I want to go on a date with you.” 

She actually said it.

“In a romantic way?” Your deadpan tone didn’t exactly help Alexia’s nerves in that moment.

“Uh, I’m not sure there’s any other kind of date, cariño, so yes, in a romantic way.” She laughed nervously. You were quiet for a few moments as you inwardly controlled your emotions so that you didn’t totally freak out in front of the woman who had just asked you on a date. 

You had to play it cool, right? That’s what everyone always said.

“Sure. When?”

It was comical, really. You’d waited this long for something to finally happen between you both, and now it seemed you couldn’t care any less. If Alexia could see into your brain right now though, it would be total chaos. Like a scene straight out of Inside Out.

“I guess now that we can’t play tomorrow and we are the only ones ruled out, we could go to the game together?” 

That was… actually a much better idea than you thought. Normally, people go on dates to the cinema or to restaurants or whatever other hellish activity neurotypicals chose to do. But a football game was common ground, something that the pair of you could talk about forever, and it was an environment that you were familiar with. That could absolutely work. A dream, actually. 

Still, you had to play it cool.

“But I’m already going to the game. And I would have to sit with you anyway. And all you would focus on is the game, it wouldn’t be much of a date.” You were teasing her at this point, whilst also worrying that perhaps you had taken it too far again, but Alexia understood you by now. She’d caught on, and this was her favourite version of you she had seen so far.

“Fine, it doesn’t have to be a date then! You could have just said no instead of breaking my heart!” She argued theatrically, a wave of euphoria rushing through her when you threw your head back and laughed. “How about we go out for food after, that can be our date? We can go to one of the markets and get dinner from a food truck and go on a walk, instead of a restaurant. Does that sound like a better date?”

“Yeah, but I was going to say yes to the football game anyway.” You shrugged a shoulder nonchalantly, a hint of a smirk on your face as you stood up to put your ice pack away. Alexia watched you do so with a huge smile on her face at your antics. You turned back to her, a hand on your hip where you stood not too far away from her now. “Dinner still sounds good though.”

“You are so annoying.” Alexia hopped down off of the bench and wandered over to you with a shake of her head, throwing her own ice pack down next to yours. “You know that?”

“It’s a love language. Get used to it.” 

The midfielder chuckled under her breath. Secretly, she hoped she was able to get used to it.

“Wait, what do I have to wear tomorrow?” Your eyes suddenly went wide in panic, staring up at Alexia like she held all the answers in the world.

“Well, it is just a football game and a walk, so whatever you are comfy in. Why?” 

“Because it’s a date, I don’t know what you expect me to wear.” You fretted. It had been a long time since your last date. And this was quite possibly the most important one so far.

“I have no expectations, cariño, just make sure you’re warm and comfortable.” Alexia brushed it off like it was nothing, a notion that silenced all those doubts once again. She had a real habit of doing that.

“Okay.” You nodded. 

You realised your close proximity then, noticing you were both quite close. There was one thing that came to mind, but it was surely too early for that. No matter how much you wanted it. One step at a time. Instead, you shyly held your arms out and looked up at her.

She immediately knew what you were after, and who was she to deny you of that. You melted into her embrace the second she invited you in, finally being able to relish in the comfort her hugs brought without overthinking it.

“You are quite oblivious, you know?” Alexia stated with a smirk to break the silence. 

“Shut up, you’re ruining it.”

—

You couldn’t sleep that night, you were way too excited for your date. You were like a giddy kid at Christmas, the smile didn’t leave your face for more than a second. Ingrid came around that night with the intention of checking up on you, but she never could have predicted what information she was walking back to her apartment with. When she found out, she thought she was excited, but Mapi, well, she was on a whole other level. Long story short, Bagheera didn’t surface from under the sofa until the Spaniard had long gone to bed. 

The game kicked off at 2pm, meaning from the second you woke up at 7am sharp, you had way too much energy. Nervous energy. But there was one thing you noticed immediately. You didn’t feel scared, or anxious, or like you wanted to totally avoid the whole situation altogether. You were excited. You woke up feeling like a normal girl going on a date with someone they liked. 

It was new. Refreshing. You felt light, you can’t remember the last time you felt that way about something that would normally freak you the hell out. Spending time with Alexia didn’t feel like a chore, the way it did sometimes with anyone in your life. Rather than draining your social battery, it stayed at the same level with her. If you were feeling especially burnt out one day, it didn’t seem so sickening to have Alexia’s company there like it was with the thought of anyone else. Your mind was peacefully empty when with her, unlike the fast-paced monologue that ran pretty much all hours of the day, even when you were asleep. 

For once in your life, you were going to be optimistic. Because the woman you were meeting had never given you any reason to be otherwise.

So when she knocked on your apartment door, opting out of firing a text your way to say she had arrived, the surprise of not only her presence but the bouquet in her arms was met with a bright smile from yourself. You immediately took them from her and bounded towards the kitchen area to tuck them safely into a vase. Alexia gazed at you the whole time, feeling her own sense of disbelief at the situation she had found herself in. Never could she have imagined falling for you like she had when she met you for the first time six months ago, but she was happier than ever because of it.

There was a beaming smile of her own on her face, and her eyes crinkled with unfiltered joy when you leaned up to kiss her cheek quickly, before rushing around the flat to get everything you needed. Sunglasses, your coat to go over the matching jumper and joggers you were wearing (Alexia did tell you to dress comfortably, after all), and a cap for good measure. Between you both, there was a distinct difference between the amount of clothing layers, something that made you laugh.

“What are you laughing at?” Alexia grumbled, watching you adjust your hair in the mirror after putting your hat on, huffing when it wasn’t agreeing with you.

“You look like you’re dressed for a Norwegian winter. It’s ten degrees.”

“That is cold for me, cariño.” She chuckled, before moving to stand between you and the mirror, and helping you to sort your hair how you wanted it. You blushed and lowered your hands, looking up at her with a shy smile as she worked. “There. You look cute. Cosy.”

“Thank you.” You hummed, cheeks aching from the intensity of your smile when Alexia took hold of your hand and gave it a light squeeze. “You look… warm.”

“Enough with your teasing, let’s go.” Alexia tutted, though she kept your hand in hers as the pair of you left your apartment. It wasn’t until you got to the car that you both reluctantly let go, shooting each other a bashful look before getting into Alexia’s car.

When you arrived at the stadium, both of you spent some time with the team in the locker room, and Alexia addressed them all quickly before you left to find your seats. You had full faith in the team, it was luckily just a league game that most of the younger members of the team would be playing anyway. To be honest, you were quite thankful to not be playing, because it had given way for something better instead.

The majority of the game was spent by both of you talking endlessly about football, both tactical discussions about the game and personal stories for you both. For Alexia, she spoke about how she came to love it so much and how it took her family’s relationship and togetherness to a whole new level. For you, you told her how playing football was the only job you could see yourself succeeding in. The system was routine-based, your work attire was a jersey and shorts, and you were indulging in your special interest everyday of the week. It was an autistic’s person dream to be able to do that, something you were grateful for every time you stepped onto a football pitch. Any other work environment, and you might not have survived. 

Alexia hung onto every word you said, just as you did for her. Learning more about each other was something you both took great interest in, because every detail about your past was how you had become the people you were today. Maybe it was too early to class it as such, but falling in love was a phenomenon that people took for granted nowadays. It’s rare, it’s special, and it’s beautiful. Two people, from entirely different backgrounds, leading unique lives with respective struggles and wins the other hadn’t experienced, only to go on and share every high and low together. Yeah, pretty special in your book. 

With you both being in view of the stadium’s crowd, you were mindful of the watchful eyes around. There was one exception though; during the later stages of the game, the other team had quite a fierce counter attack, something that had both you and Alexia on the edges of your seat. Though, as they neared the goal, the match was the last thing on your mind when Alexia’s hand landed on your knee in anxious anticipation. That hand didn’t move, even when Cata saved the shot with ease. Instead, she just settled back into her seat and turned to you with a deep breath out, the tension leaving her. Then she noticed what she’d done, but before she could retract it, you simply gazed up at her and put your hand on top of hers. 

It remained that way until the whistle blew a few minutes later, when you stood up to make your way down to the rest of the team. You got onto the pitch, Alexia and yourself splitting ways to go and talk to your other teammates. Two familiar faces came bounding over to you and before they even spoke, you could tell what they were going to say just by the smiles tugging at their lips.

“How’s it going?” Mapi asked, poking you in the ribs.

“It’s not gone anywhere yet, we were more focused on the game. But it’s been nice, really nice. It doesn’t feel much different to the other times we’ve hung out, is that good or bad?” You replied with a nervous chuckle, and you got your answer in the form of an excited squeal from Ingrid.

“That’s a good thing! That’s what it was like on our first date, right María?” Mapi nodded enthusiastically, giving you a double thumbs up for extra emphasis. “See! I’m sure you’re doing great, skatt, and I am so happy for you.”

“Me too, preciosa, so happy. Think of the double dates!” Mapi shook your arm vigorously at that, the three of you laughing.

“Let me get through the first one, then I’ll think about it.” That sobered the pair of them up as they nodded in a calmer manner, before they both surged forward to wrap you up in a hug.

“Oh- she’s coming, incoming.” Mapi whispered, pulling away and spinning you around.

“Shall we go, cariño? It might be busy there, so the sooner the better.” 

Just like that, you were being whisked away back into Alexia’s car. She drove to the market, which was decorated for the festive seasons, something you gasped at in awe the second you saw it. Alexia fought off a smile at your reaction which she found much more endearing than she thought she would, and she instantly knew it was a good idea to bring you here. Though you were flying back to Norway in a few days’ time for Christmas back at home, she had a feeling you were a bit more homesick than you were letting on, considering the vast difference in the season between Spain and Norway. Her plan to bring you here, not only for a date, but to cheer you up a bit, was already proving to work.

For a couple hours, you went from stall to stall with a childlike wonder, dragging Alexia along behind you with a tight grip on her hand that you said was just because of the busyness of the area, but both of you revelled in it secretly. That became the truth when you were walking away from the market, slowly heading in the direction of Alexia’s car, until she took you in another direction. Turns out, she was leading you to a beautiful walled garden you had no idea even existed, but the second you saw it you fell in love. Even if it may not have been as stunning as it usually was in the summer, it was still more than enough to capture your attention. 

“This is amazing, Ale, how did you know this was here?” You wondered, head on a swivel looking at each tiny detail, as if there wasn’t enough time in the world to admire its beauty.

One day, in the future, Alexia will reveal that that’s how she feels about you. There are layers to you, and she fears she won’t have enough time in her life to uncover and explore each one. You hold beauty in your physical features, that was the first thing she noticed about you, but it’s the grace of your heart and how you proudly wear it on your sleeve that she adores the most. It's the sparkle in your eyes when you ramble about the things you love most, the unabashed care you treat everyone with, your humour that constantly keeps her on her toes, the purity of your soul and how you have enough unconditional love to give to nearly every being on the planet. There’s plenty to love about you, but that still doesn’t feel like enough for her.

“I have lived here for most of my life, preciosa, I know Barcelona like the back of my hand.” She said, and maybe if you weren’t so oblivious, you might have seen the adoration present in her gaze.

“So you’re saying you know more places like this? And you’ve kept them a secret all this time?”

“Yes, I will show you them all, don’t worry.” She chuckled, slowly walking over to where you were stuck staring at an abundance of pansies in one area of the garden. “Those are Alba’s favourite.” 

“This whole place is my favourite. I love it, thank you for taking me here.” You turned your attention from the flowers and back up to Alexia, who didn’t seem to take any interest in her surroundings. She was just smiling down at you. “What are you smiling at?” 

“Hmm?”

“You’re just standing there, smiling. You haven't even looked around yet. What are you smiling like that for?” You asked in utter confusion. She was genuinely just stood there, perfectly still, seemingly lost in her thoughts, with a soft smile on her face that’s directed solely at you. Instead of answering, she laughs, to your annoyance. 

“I’m just happy, cariño. Happy to be here with you, on a date.” She answered, like it was the simplest thing in the world.

“Oh. Okay.” You said, hoping the dim lighting from the street lamp wasn’t enough for Alexia to see the blush on your cheeks. “I’m really happy too. I can’t believe you like me.”

You didn’t really mean to say that, but the words tumbled out of you regardless.

“Why do you say that?” Alexia questioned with a frown, deftly taking hold of your hands.

“I don’t know.” You mumbled, looking down as your feet fidgeted on the spot, kicking a stone away from underneath you. “I can be a lot, I guess.”

“Well, luckily for you, I have seen your ‘a lot’ and it’s enough for me. You don’t have to worry about that, I promise.” Alexia replied, earnesty clear in her voice. She leaned forward then, placing a gentle kiss on your forehead. “Why do you put yourself down like that?”

“Because I want to be your girlfriend, but I want you to know what you’re getting into.” You told her, taking a slight step back. 

“Loving another human, that’s all I’m getting into.” She took a cautious step closer. “That little voice is taking over, cariño, take a breath with me and know that I’m not going anywhere.”

Trying to calm down is quite hard when there’s a beautiful woman in front of you being so kind that she makes your head spin. Or when she’s giving the softest forehead kisses in all of mankind and holding your hands with a delicateness you’ve never experienced. She’s not just holding your hands right now, she’s got your heart in the palm of her hands.

“I don’t need anyone to take care of me.” You blurted out, sharply stepping back from her again. 

“I know. You are the strongest person I’ve met, and you are more than capable of taking care of yourself. But who’s to say you can’t have someone by your side anyway?” She smiled like it was nothing. As if her words weren’t everything you’d ever wanted to hear. “Are you scared of me leaving?”

“Yes.” You whispered quietly, swallowing the lump in your throat and growing the confidence to look back up into her eyes.

“I’ve learnt a lot about you these past few months. Not a thing I now know has deterred me from you. I don’t think anything could. All I ask is that you take a chance and let me show you how much I adore and admire you. The feelings, the worries and doubts you have, they go both ways, cariño. I am worried that I might not be good enough for you and that I am not what you need. I am scared that I will get things wrong, and that I-”

You had heard enough, she’d proved her point.

You leant up on the balls of your feet, and kissed her. And she returned it almost instantly. Her hands dropped yours and landed on your hips, steadying you on your tip-toes. Yours wrapped around her neck, drawing her somehow closer. And just like everything had been so far with Alexia, it was easy. It was everything you dreamed of and more. Here, somewhere in Barcelona, not only had you made a life for yourself in just six months, you’d gained a new addition to it too. 

Alexia had taught you a lot in the short time you had known her. But there was one thing that stood out to you; she had unknowingly taught you, just through her actions, that love is accommodation and consideration. It’s knowing what the other needs, and being there when they need it. It won’t be 50/50 everyday, in your case there will be times where it’s 90/10, and there will be occasions that are the same for Alexia. Your struggles don’t define you, and Alexia’s don’t define her. You’re worth it, just as much as she is. Just as much as everybody else.

Just because you’re stuck with a label for the rest of your life, a disability that beats you down when you want anything but that, those don’t mean that everything has to be hard. The truth is, when a genuine connection is found, things can be easy. They can be peaceful. With Alexia, you feel seen, as if you’re being mirrored back to yourself. Now, by loving the right person, you realise that other people shouldn’t always make you feel exhausted, they shouldn’t be the reason why you retreat back into yourself, and most importantly they shouldn't make you feel like you’re impossible to love. 

Life will continue to try and break you down, there’s not a soul on earth that can entirely protect you from that, but having Alexia by your side, just like she said, can lessen the burden. After all, a sorrow shared is a sorrow halved, and joy shared is joy doubled. You have to live, you have to feel,  you have to love, you have to take risks. Because if you hadn’t done that all along, where would you be now?

[p1utofairy]

pick a card.

★ what makes you different from your person’s ex?

NOTE: hiii <3 i know it’s been a while since i’ve done pacs, but i just needed some time for myself and to balance my energy. i’ve missed you all so much and i understand that some of you really want personal readings for me (and soon i want to provide that for you) but in the meantime doing these pick-a-card readings is serving as practice for me – they help me get more comfortable with my intuition and enhance my tarot reading abilities/knowledge. i want to give y'all the most accurate and insightful guidance/advice 1 on 1 when i feel more prepared and have the time to do it. i hope you all can understand 🤗 your patience and support seriously means a lot to me. for now, i’ll catch up on some of the pac requests that have been sent to me. thanks for requesting this anon. 💌 enjoy!

PILE 1.

what makes you different from your partner’s ex is the fact that you are extremely dedicated to your craft and your own personal goals. right now you might be really yearning for a relationship or just craving some type of romantic spark in your life, but nonetheless you’ve been pushing through and staying focused on building yourself up and putting yourself on the right path. you have set standards, expectations and boundaries that you will not fold on - and your person will LOVE this about you. you’re no pushover. if something isn’t sitting right with you or someone isn’t willing to do/give you what you deserve, you know how to respectfully move on and find someone else that will; no matter how long it takes. you’d rather be single than to have someone by your side that you know isn’t truly fulfilling you and your needs. genie in a bottle by christina aguilera is coming to mind – “if you wanna be with me, baby there’s a price to pay! i’m a genie in a bottle, you gotta rub me the right way.” yeah trust me when i say that your person will go extra lengths to impress you and show you how serious they are about this relationship. i think that their previous relationship lacked the spark that you two share.

it also lacked the security, discipline and stability that you bring to the table; they’re willing to put the effort into this relationship. if i’m being quite honest their previous relationship seems like a non-factor, because in their eyes it could never hold a candlelight to what you two share. that one part in after hours by the weeknd just came to me, “cause this house is not a home…without my baby, where are you now when i need you most?” LOL they’re so devoted to you pile 1. the energy is kind of reminding me of allie and noah from ‘the notebook,’ one of the most iconic romance films of all time. don’t get me wrong, allie and noah’s love was far from perfect; it was messy, painful, and at times very selfish. however, it was THEIR love. it was full of passion and intensity and that’s the type of energy i pick up between you two. they would build a house for you with their own bare hands, like noah if you truly wanted them to. you bring out a side of them that their previous partner could never unlock.

you make them work for it and whew does it get them going lol they love the chase. if you teasingly tell them “no.” just to get a reaction out of them, they’ll be like “what can i do to change your mind?” and do the most seductive shit possible to get you all riled up and ready to pounce on them. you balance each other out very well and they’re different from the other types of people that have tried to pursue you before - it's gonna be refreshing. you might be a little hesitant to jump into this relationship because of your own doubts and anxiety around relationships (i’m hearing trust issues? daddy issues?) and this might cause you to keep this person at arms length even though you know you want to get closer to them. they’ll be respectful of you and your space, but just know that they won’t take advantage of your situation; if anything they want to help you work through it and be a supportive partner.

PILE 2.

the energy feels like something out of a whimsical fairytale, pile 2. you might’ve been split between choosing this pile and pile 1 (check that pile as well if you felt drawn to it) but wow your person feels like you came into their life at the perfect time. i’m not sure if either of you expected to come across each other in such a way that left you both feeling lovestruck! what makes you different from their previous partner is how much of a REAL lover you are. there’s a huge amount of optimism and a lust for life that you bring to this connection, which doesn’t quite compare to what they were used to. your love is purposeful and genuine – i’m picking up that some of you might have virgo/6H placements. just like magic by ariana grande just started playing, “just like magic, i’m attractive. i get everything i want cause i attract it.” you definitely manifested this relationship, pile 2. UGH YOUR MIND. it may have taken longer than you expected to come to fruition, but wow was it worth the wait.

they have this playfulness to them that you’ll really adore, it’s like they’re always trying to make you laugh and smile. their last relationship seemed like a bit of a burden on them. it caused them to turn inward and focus on themselves, however, their inner-child really thrives whenever they’re in your presence lol it’s so cute. it’s the little things like tickling your sides, kissing your neck/cheek and telling you silly jokes just to make you feel better and help ease any doubts and anxiety you’re feeling. you ground them in a lot of ways. you might be more mature than them, or they could be younger than you, but regardless, your energy feels more grounded and responsible. they might have felt powerless and restricted in their last relationship, feeling like they couldn’t really express themselves or be vulnerable for fear of judgment.

their ex might’ve involved their friends in a lot of their relationship drama which caused too much outside opinions to interfere with their relationship. that's one of the things that they appreciate about you: you don’t need outside opinions or validation to know what you want or how to manage this relationship. if there’s ever an issue, you will take the initiative to have a conversation with them and work it out; communication will be key in this relationship. their previous relationship lacked a safe space for them to express their emotions, but you are willing to communicate and ensure both of your feelings are taken into account within this connection. also, this person might have some sort of fame/social-standing/platform. it sort of feels like people keep tabs on who they’re currently dating/talking to. i will say that your person definitely values privacy and will try to keep as many people out of the mix as possible. this may not resonate for all, but don’t tell your friends everything about this relationship because some of them might be secretly thirsting over your person. they’ll be smiling in your face but behind the scenes wondering what it would be like to be with them, oof. some things are best kept private. remember that, okay!

PILE 3.

i feel a bit of a push and pull in this connection, pile 3. there’s friction here but it’s fiery and hot. your stubbornness is what makes you different from their previous partner lol they’re used to people falling for their charm and submitting to them – but not you. there seems to be a little bit of a romeo and juliet vibe here, like you two come from different backgrounds and technically y’all shouldn’t work but y’all just do. something clicks in you both whenever you’re around each other, and you spark a deep curiosity within each other. their last relationship was a “pain in the ass” i’m hearing lol wow. no matter what they did it was never good enough for their ex, they always found something to nitpick. i’m picking up that they argued a lot about finances in their previous relationship, your person may not have been in the financial position that they had hoped to be in but nonetheless they were working very hard towards their goals. this relationship with you is like a total reset.

ok so why did climax by usher just come on, “we’re together, now we’re undone. won’t commit, so we choose to run away. do we separate?” hm. for some of you, this might actually be an ex, but if that doesn’t resonate, i think there’s some sort of hesitation to commit here. emotionally and spiritually, you two just get each other, but when it comes to physically getting together and being an actual couple, you or this person finds a reason to cop out. there’s some sort of blockage from the past that’s keeping you from just saying, 'fuck it! let’s do it.' you've got to work through this, pile 3 (at your own pace, of course), because this person truly loves you. at times, you might feel a bit confused and unsure about their true intentions, but deep down, you know that this could work and they’re not as bad as you thought they were. some of this feels like it all could be cleared up with some good ol’ ✨communication✨ because you both have a lot in common, but you avoid talking to them about certain things.

someone in this pile could’ve recently just watched or is thinking of watching ‘anyone but you’ with sydney sweeney and glen powell lol cause the energy kinda feels reminiscent to their dynamic in that movie. you two could connect through friends and/or at a party. i can see either you or them overthinking this connection and creating unnecessary drama when all you both needed was a heart-to-heart conversation. drunk texting by chris brown ft. jhené aiko just came to mind, “got me feelin some type of way - told you i hate you, i don’t mean it. and the only thing that i got, is the pain that you been feeding.” ugh this person really wants to make you theirs pile 3 but the ball is in your court; they genuinely are trying to win you over.

PILE 4.

your person’s previous relationship did not end on the greatest of terms, oof. they’re still in the process of working through it, but they’ll never forget whatever it is that their ex did to make them call it quits. their ex might’ve cheated on them? idk they feel very betrayed and this energy of “ugh i can’t believe they did that” is heavy on them. their relationship with their ex was veryyy toxic and at the time of the breakup they might not have seen it this way, but it was definitely a blessing in disguise. love by keyshia cole just came to mind…damn. “i used to think that i wasn’t fine enough, and i used to think that i wasn’t wild enough.” their ex really had them second-guessing themselves. out of all the other piles, this one doesn’t feel quite healed from their past relationship. it’s not that they’re so much hung up on the person, it’s the situation that left a bad taste in their mouth. i keep hearing “how could you?” ugh poor baby. anyways, what makes you different from their previous partner is how genuine and attentive you are.

you may have just gotten out of a toxic situation yourself, and i see this relationship coming in at a time where you feel free from any negativity, burdens or worries someone (either romantically or platonically) was trying to place on you. this relationship is a fresh start for you and your partner. your person is very emotionally mature and super chill - it’s very hard to get them angry or riled up to the point that they’re screaming & yelling. that’s just not them, i’m hearing. some people might complain that they’re too nonchalant or dismissive, but that’s far from the case. your person is just aware that not everything deserves a reaction. you two will probably start off as friends first and then it’ll turn into a romantic relationship.

it’s interesting because your partner literally submerges themselves deep into their emotions, and you’re more of a ‘mind over matter’ type of person. you deal with things more logically and i think that’s one of the many things that they’ll admire about you; how you let things roll off your back and keep it moving. you give yourself time to process, understand and deal with your feelings, but then once you do, you’re right back to the grind. the dynamic between you and this person is reminding me of the movie ‘friends with benefits’ with mila kunis and justin timberlake. you both will click really fast! also, i’m picking up that you two might share a mutual friend and that might be how you two meet.

you give them hope and reassurance that love, GENUINE love, still exists. they might be a bit hard on themselves in the beginning of the relationship, but you will reassure them that they are more than enough and deserving of the love that you two share. loveeeeeeee song by rihanna ft. future just started playing, “and i hope i’m not sounding too desperate, i need love and affection.” whew! they’re gonna love them some you, pile 4. in their heart and in their eyes, nothing or no one will ever compare to you and the way that you love.

[neoyuno]

Good To Me | j.ww (M)

after a long show and an even longer tour, wonwoo finds himself at the last stop, los angeles. good thing he has someone very special to take care of him—in every single way. ; or, wonwoo stays over at your house after his last tour stop and a relaxing bath turns into a lot more.

Pairing | Idol!Wonwoo ♡ Producer!Reader

Genre | Romance [established relationship], Comedy, Smut [ oral, bath/shower sex (kinda), switch dynamics, unprotected sex, praising (lots of it), breast worship (?), petname usage (angel, love, sweetheart), pwp, they are both just very horny people.]

Word count | 7K

Reading time | 35 minutes

Warnings/notes | usage of curse words,afab fem reader. reader is not an idol, but a world-famous producer/performer and wonwoo’s long time celebrity crush—and now girlfriend. this is an adaptation of another fic of mine, it was modified to fit wonu!

��︎ read no biting here! set in same universe!

The loud cheers of fans were heard all over the venue as they left in crowds after the group had said their goodbyes. Yet, you walked casually through the corridors of the building. Wandering amongst staff and relatives of the performers with the goal of finding your boyfriend.

The long echoey corridors of the building now engrained in your memory, many of the best moments of your career having happened in this very building—meeting him included. This time, though, you had the opportunity to indulge in the feeling of being in the audience rather than on stage, watching the man that stole your heart pour his into every melody. The passion and care your partner put into what he did never failed to amaze you. He worked hard and gave his all in everything he did.

With great performance, came great fatigue. You greeted the rest of the boys whose skin glistened with sweat and breath was quick and short, as you walked towards the last dressing room. A white sheet of paper read “Wonwoo” in black ink, the visual made you smile proudly. Knocking on the door softly, you pushed it open to be greeted by your boyfriend sitting back on a small couch.

His head was thrown back and his eyes closed behind the round specs. Even like this, he looked as ethereal as always. His pretty nose tinted a rosy hue matching the apples of his cheeks and his skin glistened with sweat. If you didn’t know better, you would’ve thought that he couldn’t tell it was you who had entered the room, but as soon as that soft lavender scent hit his nose, he knew it was his beloved.

“Hi, baby.” he greeted you without opening his eyes and exhaled. “Did you enjoy the performance?” he moved his arms briefly to pat his lap, motioning you to take place on his thighs.

You moved slowly, a few steps were enough to take you where he wanted you to be. You straddled his lap and as soon as your bottom touched his thighs, he pulled your torso towards him. Despite his sweaty state, you felt yourself melt into his embrace. He kept you close to his body, your face buried in the crook of his neck while his right hand circled your waist and his left one stroked your hair lovingly.

“You were amazing out there, baby.” you praised. Even though you had no vision of his face, you knew he was smiling, as he placed a soft kiss to the top of your hair afterward.

“Not as great as you.” he said, remembering how mesmerized he was by you the day you met, and chuckled when you poked his ribs jokingly.

“Shut up. Today you performed, we should focus on you.” you said and you meant it.

He hummed in response and indulged himself in the comfortable silence of the room. Your breathing mixed with his that was slowly getting steady.

Your lips pressed faint kisses to his neck and jaw, comforting him and giving him your love.

“Do you wanna go home, now?” You asked and he hummed once more. “Maybe you can take a shower cause you kinda stink.”

He laughed wholeheartedly and a smile grew on your lips. “You are mean.” He finally opened his eyes to look down at you. “But I love you.” He confessed and kissed your lips.

After gathering his belongings, he walked out of the room and walked over to his friends to say goodbye and let them know where he was going—to which they hollered and whistled.

“I’ll sleep over at _____’s this weekend, I’ll meet you on Monday for our recording sessions.” Wonwoo told the man before him.

“Alright, have fun.” He said and walked away, turning back for a second. “Safe fun.” Seungcheol emphasized causing the man beside you to blush.

“Will do!” You answered and heard Wonwoo shush you in embarrassment. “We always have safe fun, don’t we, Nonu?”

“Hmm,” you looked over at his sleepy face and felt bad for him.

“And for the love of God, don’t do anything that will leave him with a sore throat again cause he has recording sessions this week.” Said Jihoon in a stressed voice. “Although, you are acting as recording engineer for this. So… your problem anyway.” He shrugged and you laughed at the last part.

“I can’t promise that, but I will try.” You said innocently causing the man to roll his eyes and sigh playfully before leaving you to turn to Wonwoo. “Let’s get you home so you can rest, angel.” You grabbed a hold of his bag and he let you, following behind you to your car where he reclined his seat as low as it could go as soon as he buckled his seatbelt.

Soft tunes played on the radio and the sound of LA traffic was muted by the glass windows of your car. Looking over to the boy beside you, you noticed he had fallen into a deep slumber, his position far too uncomfortable for any person. Soft snores fell from his parted lips and you swore your heart skipped a beat at how the traffic lights reflected on his skin, making his features look beautiful.

The venue was not far away from home, the 30-minute ride felt quick, the sound of the sweet melody of his cute snores was almost like white noise to you—soothing.

“Baby, we’re home.” you shook his sleeping figure and he opened his eyes slowly.

“So fast?” he asked drowsily and stretched a bit before getting off the car and into the warmth of your house.

You walked into the kitchen, the smell of homemade food floating around the air. Turning the stove knobs, you prepared to heat up the meal that you had cooked for your boyfriend. You felt his arms circle your waist and his head dropped to the crook of your neck, his lips pressing to your skin subsequently.

“You’re too good to me.” he whispered, teeth sinking on your skin softly, making you hum.

“It’s what you deserve.” you meant it, Wonwoo was an amazing boyfriend.

He was always checking up on you even when the distance of a thousand miles separated you. Good morning texts, good night texts, random love confessions, random face-times at some ungodly hours of the night. He was always available for you, whether it was to sing you to sleep or to hold you in his arms as tears flowed down your cheeks.

With his busy schedule and yours, moments like this—having him against you, skin touching skin, lips on lips, breaths mixing together—were nearly impossible to have often. His nose caressed your neck as he exhaled once more. His strong hands laid on your torso, grabbing unto you as if you were going to disappear in no time.

“I love you.” he whispered.

“And I love you.” you giggled and freed yourself from his grip eventually, to serve him his dinner. “I hope you like dinner, made your favorite dish.”

He was now seated on the kitchenette stool and turned to you, pulling you in. His head rested on your chest and his arms returned to circle your waist, tightly this time. “What has gotten into you, you are so clingy tonight.” your fingers raked through his dark brown locks.

“I just missed you.” he confessed, making your heart swell.

“You are finally done with the tour… just one more schedule and then we can have a whole month for ourselves before I start mine.” as you kissed his forehead following by a kiss on the tip of his nose, his arms let go of you. “Now, eat up. I will run you a warm bath.”

As you walked away you could hear him hum in content as he devoured his food, a smile being brought up to your face.

The warm water ran through the faucet, filling the bathtub little by little. Your finger fiddled with the bottles that hid behind the doors of the small closet inside the bathroom, picking the right oils and bath bubbles to ensure relaxation.

The water smelled like lavender, your favorite, which soon became Wonwoo’s favorite.

Holographic bubbles soon covered the surface serving as a cue for you to turn the running water off. You exited the bathroom, running into the tall man in the hallway that led to your room.

“I will go get you some clean clothes, you can jump in.” you smiled and walked away.

Just as you pushed the door of the bathroom open, he was wiping his mouth with a towel, after brushing his teeth. He smiled at you cutely and you were about to retreat yourself from the room when he pulled you by the wrist.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“I thought I could do some of your laundry, so you’d have clean clothes…” you said, knowing well that he barely had time to do so and you were free for most of the week. So, it didn’t hurt to help him out a bit.

“Oh, I just-” he hesitated. “You don’t have to.”

“I really don’t mind, love.” you smiled and he reciprocated the action. “And you what?”

“Nothing.” he said quickly, cheeks turning a slight shade of crimson before he sighed and spoke again. “Can you, can you join me?”

His request caught you by surprise. Yes, he had seen you naked before, too many times to count with your fingers, but after being apart from each other for so long, you couldn’t help but feel shy. You guess he caught a glimpse of your wide eyes as he stuttered his next response.

“Not like that, I just-” he stuttered.

“It’s okay, get in there, I’ll help you wash up.” you said sweetly. “Let me help you.” you offered as he started to undress.

His back was facing you as you helped him slide his button up shirt from his shoulders, his strong back muscles catching your attention. Not being able to help yourself, you pressed a soft kiss to the middle of his back, the skin of his arms rising with goosebump at the feeling of your soft lips against his warm skin.

Wonwoo smiled and brought one of your hands up to his face, kissing the back of it before dropping it back at your sides. His hands moved to the front of his jeans, working on disregarding of his belt before unbuttoning his pants. You blushed at the sight of the back of his body, the only part of skin covered being his soft and small bottom.

“I’ll be right back,” you said, remembering to bring him warm towels and your speaker to play some nice relaxing music. “I’ll go bring some towels, get into the tub before the water runs cold.” And with that you left the bathroom.

Wonwoo ran a hand through his hair, noticing the growing bulge inside his already tight boxers. The way your fingertips felt on his skin was just enough to have his mind going wild—but what set him off was the soft kiss you pressed on his back.

He removed his underwear completely after the placing his glasses in the counter and submerged into the warm lavender water. Throwing his head back against the edge of the tub, he groaned at the feeling of the soothing bath, right when you entered back into the room.

You placed the folded towels on the sink’s counter as well as a clean nightgown and panties for you, then turned on the speaker to play your favorite relaxing playlist, making the man in the tub smile immediately. You grabbed a small stool from under the sink and placed it behind the tub, by where his head was, and sat down with a small bowl in one hand and his favorite eucalyptus shampoo on the other.

His head was still laying back onto the edge, his face facing directly upwards giving you space to appreciate his features. His eyes were closed, as they were a few minutes ago in the couch of his backstage room, and his expression was relaxed. You could appreciate the way his cheeks were a deep shade of pink, probably due to the hectic night he had, and how his long eyelashes rested beautifully against his skin. His cute nose looked inviting as you pressed a small kiss to the tip, his nose scrunching up as he smiled widely.

“How was your day?” You asked and he hummed as you took a bit of the warm water in the bowl to soak up his hair.

“Tiring,” he answered softly. “but my beautiful girlfriend is helping me relax.” He said and you chuckled at his flirting.

“Hmm, is she?” You ran your finger through his brown locks and you poured more water on his head carefully to not splash it on his eyes.

“Mhm, she is the best and I love her very much.” he hummed again.

You smiled at his statement and moved to open the shampoo bottle, pouring a bit of the liquid on your hands before rubbing them together and lathering his hair.

“That feels so good…” he whispered when your fingers started massaging his scalp as you tried washing his hair softly. Your boyfriend’s mouth fell agape and small approving groans left his lips when you massaged any spot that was aching.

What he didn’t know is that his sounds were tempting you to do something more than just helping him wash up and get ready for bed. Shaking your thoughts, you finished massaging his scalp and moved to pouring water on his head once more to rid of the shampoo.

“Seat up, let me lather your back.” You said and he obliged. Your fingers moved to unclasp the necklace he had around his neck before placing it on the counter next to his pj’s.

His face rested on his knees after he brought them up to surround them with his arms. The sound of the water rolling on his back relaxed him to the point where he was very close to falling asleep, until he felt your fingers work on the knots in his shoulders. A deep moan left his lips almost automatically.

“You like that?” You whispered, your throat suddenly dry.

“Yeah,” he sighed and threw his head back a little as you get kneading his muscles. “Mmm, ____…” he moaned again, but this time your name leaving his lips made you blush and press your legs together.

It was insane how quickly this man could soak your panties. Everything about him was sensual but adorable at the same time. He was just so dreamy that your heart raced every time you woke up next to him and saw his peaceful face resting next to you.

“Love?” You heard him ask and you diverted your attention to him by humming. “Please join me.” He said in a slight begging tone.

You nodded, even though he could not see you, and started removing your clothes. His eyes noticed your shirt and pants drop on the floor next to the tub, your bra and panties quickly following. His eyes were glued to your body as soon as you came into his sightline, your hands covered your self a bit as you slowly sunk on the warm water facing him.

“The water is still warm!” You gasped in surprise. He smiled at you with his head slightly slanted and his cheeks blushed. Having spent so much time apart had both you feeling quite bashful of being this exposed in front if each other.

“You are so cute,” He said and smiled wider. Wonwoo moved forward and you did too, your chest pressing against your knees as he was. His nose brushed against yours and his eyes moved to stare at your lips (and part of your cleavage that was not covered in soapy bubbles). “and so so hot.” He whispered, his smile having morphed into a smirk.

“Am I?” You asked cheekily, your volume matching his.

His hand came up from under the water and he placed his index finger in the center of your collabones, his soft touch slowly moving down to the valley of your breasts and under the water again. “So pretty.” His hand slightly brushed your hips and you sat back straight.

“Lay back.” You said and he immediately obliged. Pushing yourself up on the edge of the tub, you managed to get on your knees, much to Wonwoo’s lack of luck, the glittery bubbles still covered the majority of your chest. You moved forwards on your knees, a bit of the water flowing out of the tub and splashing the tiles.

His eyes stared at you as you moved to straddle his lap, his hardening boner flinching almost instantly, his tip softly touching your entrance.

“So pretty…” he whispered again and latched his lips on your collarbones, gently pressing kisses from one side to the other. “I’ve missed you so much.”

“I’ve missed you too.” You replied, skin shivering when you felt his sharp canines press on your neck.

“What did you miss about me?” He asked smugly. “Did you miss my lips?” You hummed and he smiled against your skin. Wonwoo trailed his lips up to your cheek before whispering in your ear. “I missed yours around my-“

“You’re getting real bold, Jeon Wonwoo.” You said after putting your hand to his mouth. “You really think you can switch things around?”

“Let me show you a good time, love.” He said and held your hand, dipping your index and middle fingers on his warm mouth. He looked straight in your eyes as he swirled his tongue around them, sucking them while hollowing his cheeks after and releasing them with a smirk on his face at the sight of your expression.

“Fuck,” you mumbled. “Now I’m not sure if I want to fuck you or if I want you to fuck me…”

We could always do both, but I’m leaning towards the latter for now. You can fuck me all you want the next rounds.”

“You missed me that much that you want to go all night long?” You teased and he smirked leaning to bite your neck again.

“You have no idea how much I dreamt about you around me, baby. I’ve been wanting nothing more than you bouncing on my lap and hearing those pretty sounds you make.” His tongue lapped at the bite he had made.

“Wonwoo…” you gasped softly as he grabbed you by the hips and placed you a little higher, your breasts finally uncovered.

“Tell me, baby.” He said before his lips trailed down to when his finger did a few minutes ago. He looked up to see your eyes staring intensely at him, waiting for his next move.

Wonwoo smirked before licking a strip up your chest before engulfing your right nipple on his mouth. You gasped at the sudden contact, his mouth sloppily sucked on your bud while making sounds of contentment.

“Ah, I’ve missed your mouth so much.” You sighed and looked back down. Your boyfriend’s eyes were closed as he devoured your breasts, while sucked on one his rough hand kneaded the other. He used his index finger to tease your hard nipple and his mouth detached from your other, the skin around his mouth matched yours, glistening with his saliva. He groaned and switched his tongue to the bud that was being teased ny his finger, instead of sucking on it like he did to the other, he poked his tongue and teased the bud with the tip of it.

His mouth mimicked that of how he kissed you on the skin of your chest. His hand slowly moved up from your breast to your face, his fingers taking advantage of your open mouth to dip inside. Wonwoo placed his index and middle fingers on your tongue, your mouth quickly closing around them and sucking on them. He groaned against your skin at the feeling of your tongue swirling around his fingers, wishing it was swirling around a lower area of his body.

Looking up to see your face, he groaned loudly once more, the sinful scene before him causing his hard-on to jerk up and hit your entrance again.

“I want to fuck you so bad, baby.” He whispered near your ear before softly biting your earlobe.

“What’s stopping you?” He didn’t even wait another second after you were done speaking before he clashed his lips with yours. His hands cupped your face as his lips feverishly kissed your own. Your hands came up to set on his strong chest, levering yourself as you felt dizzy from the touch of his plump lips.

“You are so beautiful.” He groaned against your lips. “Please say you’re mine.”

“I’m all yours, baby. Only yours.” You gasped when he lifted your hips and felt something slide over your wet lips.

“I’m all yours, too, baby.” He groaned again. “Fuck, that feels good.” He said when your lips attacked his neck, leaving faint bite marks on his sweet spots.

“What are you waiting for?” You asked again, as he kept teasing your entrance but never dipping in.

“I’m scared I’ll cum too fast. It’s been so long and you are just so hot, I can’t hold it in.” You let out an airy giggle before replacing the hand holding his cock with your own. He shut his eyes and goosebumps raised on his skin at the feeling if your soft hand.

“I don’t care if you cum quickly, we have all night. But I really really want you inside me. Now.” You kissed his lips and lined him up with your entrance.

“Holy fuck…” he gasped as you slid down his length, your warmth engulfing him in the most delicious way possible. His head was thrown back and his chest rose at a quick pace. “It feels so good, baby.” He whined.

“You fill me up so well, love.” You moaned and leaned in to kiss his neck, your hips not stopping.

The water splashing against your skin as you moved mixed with the soft sound of the music and the soft moans coming from your boyfriend’s lips. Kissing his soft milky skin was one of your favorite things to do, it felt so soft against your lips that you swore it would melt at any moment. You felt his hands make their way to your ass, cupping your cheeks and softly squeezing.

“So perfect.” He groaned deeply as he lifted his head to kiss your lips. You tried pushing your tongue into his mouth to play with his, but when you did, his lips caught it, sucking it softly. The feeling and sight of Wonwoo sucking your tongue was almost enough to throw you over the edge. He hummed in contentment before letting it go and quickly sliding his tongue over your lips.

“Fuck you.” You moaned and he chuckled.

“Be my guest.” He replied smiling, his lips coming up to kiss yours and you took the opportunity to return the favor.

The groan that resonated on his throat as you engulfed his tongue in your mouth was the sexiest thing ever. Your mouth quickly let go of his when he thrusted up particularly harshly, causing a loud whine to leave your lips.

“I need to hear you, baby. Please, be loud for me.” Even though it was hard not to be loud when he fucked you, he always wanted more. “Ah fuck- you’re so wet for me, angel.” Oh how had you missed hearing that nickname.

“Wonwoo-“ you whined and he smirked, knowing exactly what that nickname arose in you.

“Yes, angel? You want me to fuck you good?” He murmured and kissed your jaw. “It’s been a while since I fucked you dumb, hasn’t it?”

“Yes, it has…” you moan and tried sneaking your hand to circle at your clit but his strong hands grabbed your wrists, keeping your hands in front of your chest. “Baby, I need more.”

“You do? Does my angel need me to fuck her harder?” The way words rolled out of his tongue had you going crazy. His sexy groans and the way his cock felt inside you was also driving you insane. You whined as your hips kept moving, trying hard to relieve the burning pit in your belly. “Look at you, so pretty bouncing on my cock.”

He stared at your face, mouth agape and eyes shut. He loved looking at your fucked state, he loved hearing his name fall out of your lips like a mantra.

“I want to fuck you harder, but I need to see your pretty face, angel.” He let go of your wrists and cupped your face. “Do you want to move to the bedroom?” He kissed your lips before biting the bottom one softly.

“I thought you were tired.” You teased and he chuckled.

“I always have energy to make you feel good, baby.”

“Do you? What if we move it to the bedroom but you let me play with you for a while?” Smiling you leaned forward to kiss his neck, feeling the vibrations of a groan on your lips.

“I already told you we can do that later, but I really need to fuck you, baby.” One of his hands on your face moved to play with your clit, making you whimper. “Don’t you want me to fuck you hard? Hmm?”

“Yes…” you gasped when he applied more pressure to your bundle. “Please.”

Wonwoo smiled against your lips and removed his hands from your body, a groan leaving your lips at the sudden lack if touch. The tall man helped you get up and turned the shower head above the tub on, getting rid of the soap remaining on your bodies before turning it back off and carrying you. His hands grabbed at your ass and your hands latched around his neck as he moved to the bedroom. His plump lips attacked your own in the most delicious way possible.

He dropped you on the mattress, your wet bodies dampening the sheets without a care. His lips are quickly attached to your skin, starting from your neck and down your chest. The hotness of his breath sent shivers up your spine, the exposed skin of your chest flushing and buds hardening.

“So soft,” he breathed out as his hands engulfed your thighs. “I’m gonna make you feel so good, angel. Nobody will make you feel this good.”

“Only you.”

“I will ruin you, baby.” He tapped his tip on your clit before gliding it over your folds. “You’re so wet, love.”

“Wait, can I suck you off first?” You asked softly, giving him the cutest begging eyes, or at least that’s how he saw them.

“But baby, I want to feel your pretty pussy.” He said caressing your face.

“Pleaseeee,” you whined and batted your eyelashes. “Pretty please? I want to taste you.”

He couldn’t resist to such a pretty voice asking for such a dirty thing. Plus, it’s not like he wouldn’t get to fuck you after.

“Fine…” he feigned annoyance as he rolled his eyes with a smile. “If you insist…”

“Oh, I do.” You said and pushed him off to stand up then push him on the bed. You stood in front of him, parading your pretty and wet tits in front of his face.

“Such a pretty girl…” he said before pressing kisses around the skin of the valley of your breasts.

Your hands reach to cup his face, pulling his head slightly to kiss him sloppily. His own circle your waist and bring you close to him, right before snaking one hand to cup your ass and give it a squeeze. His warm tongue felt so nice against yours that you completely forgot what it was that you had wanted to do—until a harsh slap to your ass made you gasp and look at him.

“You are so perfect.” He groaned and squeezed both cheeks again.

Kneeling in front of him, you rested your face on his thigh, face centimeters away from his dick.

“Such a pretty cock…” your fingertips trailed up his shaft and your boyfriend tensed up. “I wonder if it still fits in my mouth.”

“We’ll make it fit, angel.” He strained out when your lips kissed the tip of his cock.

“Mmm, tasty.” a soft satisfied moan resonated from your throat, after your tongue lapped at the tip.

The man before you intently stared through low lids and long lashes as your tongue poked out just above his head waiting for a drop of saliva to touch his skin. He let a loud groan once it did, your mouth engulfing his length but not going all the way down just yet.

He loved seeing you struggle to make it fit, teeth slightly grazing the skin of his shaft—but who doesn’t like a little pain. Squirming on the floor, you clenched around nothing as you tried going further down, cute little moans leaving your throat as you stared up at him with doe eyes, mouth full of his sex.

As he stared down at you he couldn’t believe the scene before him, never in his 26 years of life did he ever think he’d actually see his many wet dreams about you come true. Neither did he think you’d love him as much as you did—and he loved you too.

You felt drool starting to form on the side of your mouth as his tip reached the back of your throat.

“F-fuck…” he breathed out and you continued to move your head up and down his veiny shaft.

Your left hand stroked the skin you couldn’t fit and your right went down to play with your own wetness.

“Mmm, baby… just like that.” He moaned and threw his head back. “Such a good girl…”

As you came up for air, his hands cupped your face to kiss you again.

“Come on, angel. I need to feel you…” he said between kissed and lifted you iff the ground, ignoring your protests.

He kissed your belly before standing up and pushing you down the mattress.

“I’ve missed you so fucking much,baby.” You felt his hands in your hips as he moved you up the mattress and positioned himself close to your heat. “Look how pretty you look, so pretty for me…” he kissed your inner thighs before hovering over your center, his warm breath hitting your sensitive spot.

His tongue poked out to lick a stripe up your folds, humming at the accumulated wetness after sucking him off. His mouth soon found your clit to suck it in, the harsh feeling making your bach arch.

“Oh fuck!” You moaned and gripped at his wet hair. “Feels so good!”

“Hmm, does it baby?” He asked before kitty licking your clit, making you scream. He left your center just to spit at it and going back to devour it.

Your pants got louder once you felt 2 fingers enter your heat. They moved at the slowest pace possible, the knuckles folding up every time they were completely inside. The feeling of his fingertips curling up felt absolutely amazing, the added sucking on your clit and the sound if his moan were an overwhelming combination.

“Wanna cum, angel? Do you want me to make you cum, sweetheart?” He mocked when he looked up at you, his fingers still pumping in and out of you.

“Yes!” You said and reached to pull his head in but he refused, making you whine.

“Yes what, baby?” He cooed. “You can’t expect me to just do something like that…” and his fingers stopped moving.

“Please! Please, make me cum, baby… I need it…” you begged.

“Good girl.” Dipping his head back down with a smirk plastered on his face, he sucked harshly at your sensitive bud and picked up the pace of his fingers.

Your moans and pants became strained and loud, your belly visibly tensing and breathing hitching—letting him know you were very close to releasing all over his fingers. Which is why he removed them and replaced them with his tongue, his thumb now circling your clit at s fast pace.

“Fuck-ah, baby!” Your legs jerked in, almost crushing his head but he just loved it. He loved knowing you were enjoying his mouth—and so he lapped all of your juices until you were pushing him off your with your feet.

He chuckled deeply before standing up and hovering over you, his hand quickly caressing your cheek softly. He couldn’t help but stare at your flushed face and parted lips still heaving from your orgasm.

“Such a pretty baby…” he kissed your nose. “Always so good to me.” He kissed your forehead. “I am so in love with you.” he kissed your lips.

“I’ve missed you so much, baby.” You said and he left your lips, his warm breath hit your top lip as he tried to adjust himself. “I missed your lips and your kisses, and your hands, and your big- ah!”

You grabbed unto his biceps when he entered you. His lips pecking yours swiftly as he began to pick up his pace.

“I missed you more, baby. I’ve missed you so much, the whole of you.” He groaned. “Fuck, you feel so nice around me. I swear you were made for me and me only.”

“Was I?” You asked and swallowed a moan.

“Or maybe I was made for you. Maybe I was made to devour you and make you feel just right, angel.” His lips pressed softly on your neck. “Do you like that, love?”

His hips moved at an insane speed, his tip hitting your g-spot with every single thrust. You could feel the vibrations of his grunts and moans on your neck—his head still hidden between the crevice of your jaw and shoulder.

Your nails gripped on his broad back, holding him close as if he were to disappear if you didn’t. Your mind was blank, every single though replaced by the man on top of you. All you could think about was how hot his moans were and how delicious his cock felt inside of you.

“Let me hear you, angel.” He groaned and bit your neck with enough force to leave a faint mark. “Be loud for me, baby, let me know how good I’m making you feel.” He smirked at the soft moan that escaped your lips. “Do you like that, kitten?” He cooed and kissed your cheek softly before looking up to see your eyebrows knitted up and bottom lip between teeth.

“Ah! Wonwoo!” A particularly sharp thrust made you scream out, a string of whimpers and incoherences following right after.

“Such a pretty girl, look at you. I could stare at your beautiful face forever.” He said and sweetly kissed the tip of your nose, but you know the intentions behind his words were far from sweet.

“Baby, I’m cl-close…”

“I know, baby.” Your boyfriend exhaled roughly and lowered his head to latch his mouth to your naked breasts. His mouth sucked on your sensitive buds as satisfied sounds left his throat.

“Oh, baby! Keep doing that, it feels so fucking good!” The knot in your belly felt like it was going to come undone in any second, the warm and fiery feeling traveling up your body until your ears started ringing and your mouth couldn’t stop mumbling your lover’s name and telling him how good he was. “I can’t hold it, baby, I’m gonna cum!” You cried out and he drilled him hips unto yours with much more force.

His lips left your nipple with a loud pop, the skin of your areola red from all the friction. He rapidly played with his tongue on your swollen nipple before moving to the other and biting before sucking it in. His hand fleeing to pinch and twist your red nub.

“Cum for me, angel.” He groaned and moved his hand on your nipple to rub circles on your clit. The friction pushing you over the edge as you came undone again with a loud scream.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck-“ his mouth hung open, a loud moan falling out, when he felt your walls squeeze his shaft, the suction making it harder for him to last any longer. “Holy shit, baby. I’m not gonna last any longer, angel.”

His face flew back to your shoulder blade, sharp canines biting down on the skin.

“Cum inside me, baby. Fill me up and fuck your dripping cum into me.” Your soft voice saying such dirty things were enough to make him cum. You inhale sharply at the feeling of his teeth biting even harder while his throat produced such loud and raspy groans. His warm cum filled you up and just like you asked, once he left your hole he admired your creamy juices mixed together. As they oozed out of you, he pushed two fingers, scooping his cum up and fucking it back inside.

“You look so hot, love.” He said before smirking and bringing his fingers up to your face, your mouth instantly hanging open to clean his cum off his fingers as he groaned.

“And you said you wouldn’t last…” you giggled once his body gave back into your embrace. You felt his body shake as he silently laughed with you.

“Believe me, I wanted to cum the second I entered you.”

“We should go back to the shower. You left me all sticky.” You said as you felt his cum drying out on your thighs as well as the patches of saliva all over your skin. “And look what you did! My nipples are all swollen!” You whined playfully.

“Hey, you asked for both things. I was just following instructions.” He said, smile wide as he made a cute face towards you. “Plus, how could I resist such pretty boobies? I’ve been wanting to put them in my mouth since we came home.”

“Ah, such a pervert…”

“I’m not a pervert!” He gasped and feigned offense. “If you could feel them in your mouth, you’d get it… just magical.“

You chuckled at his words before he kept talking.

“I still cannot believe you’re here with me.” He confessed softly. “I know I tell you this every day, but I am so happy that I got yo meet you. And also that you snapped me into my senses because if you hadn’t confessed to me I would probably still be silently pining after you.” Wonwoo chuckled and kissed your forehead. “I’m just so happy that you’re here with me. You make me very happy.” You copied his smile and snuggled closer to him with a happy sigh.

“I love you.” You whispered after some minutes of comforting silence. “And I am very happy you’re here with me, hopefully forever.” You heard Wonwoo sigh lovingly before feeling his lips press of your cheek.

“I love you more, angel.” His voice rasped out and eyes went wide. “Oh no… my voice!”

“Hah! And you can’t blame me, I didn’t do anything.” You chuckled at his panicked face. He was moaning and groaning too loud because of his own doings, you hadn’t even top him.

“Well, I am still blaming you.” He smiled cheekily and kissed your neck softly.

“If you are going to blame me, then I might as well give you a reason to.” You said, pushing him off and climbing on top of him—a stupid smirk on his face and cheeks blushed.

You walked hand in hand into the building, the young girl at the front desk greeting you.

“Hey _____! We have missed you so much!” She squealed and you reached to hug her. “How’s your pre-tour vacation going?”

“Pretty good! I have rested lot, so that’s great.” You smiled and she did too.

“You work too hard!” She mentioned and you laughed. “And hello to you too, Wonwoo!”

Your boyfriend smiled and waved, not wanting her to hear his fucked up voice. She slanted her head and looked at you.

“Vocal rest. We start recording sessions today.” You said and she nodded before sending you both off to your studio.

“Would you look at that… Mr. and Mrs. Jeon are actually on time!” Jeonghan joked and greeted you both.

“Thanks for taking care of him, ____.” Seungcheol said and smiled.

“Actually, about that…” you scratched your neck and the boys sitting around the studio laughed out loud.

“Hello~” Wonwoo rasped out and sent him an apologetic smile making Jihoon sigh in despair.

“One thing. I asked you for one single thing. When will y’all two learn to keep it in your pants, huh?“ he scolded both of you and the men laughed even louder.

“It was not my fault!” Wonwoo croaked out.

“Hey! You asked for it!” You retorted.

“I did not!” Your boyfriend bickered back, making you gasp dramatically.

“You did it all! I didn’t even do anything!” you said. “If anything, when I did, I held back.” You whispered the last part but it was enough for some of the guys to hear, causing Jeonghan to to whistle.

“Ayeee, good job, _____!” You shrugged proudly and high-fived him.

“I need a vacation…” Jihoon said before taking a seat at the console.

“We have two weeks, Hoon.” You rolled your eyes and sat next to him. “Although my birthday is coming soon, so I can’t promise anything…”

“I am locking Wonwoo up.”

NEOYUNO 2023

[chocoqtelle]

pac — what's the drama? (ex edition bc that's all the messages were about 💀)

@ pile one

your words have HURTTTT someone. if this was someone you had to cuss out, I understand. it caused a lot of growth for them. this was like an awakening for them. they had to realize how they act isn't aligned with how they view themselves. you set boundaries to protect yourself and they weren't having it. they couldn't grasp the idea that you don't have to obey them and they aren't the main character. you went through some kind of heartbreak before this situation started but you actually learned from it. you realized you don't wanna experience that again and did better. you probably operate in a more logical way and hide your emotions until you're really comfortable with someone. after you experienced that heartbreak, you could have gotten into short lived relationships a lot and flings to protect your feelings. they see you in your power not worrying about them and it hurts them even more. don't go chasing them, let them enjoy the situation they put themselves in.

@ pile two

if you don't let your ex go immediately... there's nothing to like. the drama is that they're a piece of shit and you're still thinking about them. if they cheated once, they'll cheat again. if they used you, they'll use you again. if they replaced you, they'll replace you again. I need you to be so serious, do you really think someone like this is worth your time? you need to stop talking to people about this person and focus on yourself. a lot of people around you are lowkey haters too so you shouldn't be telling them much of anything. do you have any projects/goals of your own right now? besides things to do with them, of course. you're trying to rest but you're still worrying about your ex so how are you relaxing? 😭😭 you need to block them asap. ill tryyyy to be nice since I can see you're going through it but please have some standards for yourself and others. no, dating people like them will not fill that void. YOU need to fill that void by loving yourself enough that you don't need love from random losers to feel worthy. instead of being sad about the things you can't change, work on the things you can.

@ pile three

i wanna start off by saying this pile is not for everyone. then i wanna point out how annoyingggg you and your ex are 😭😭 ive been getting this piles energy all in the other readings even when it didn't make sense with the other piles messages. i swear y'all need to stop being stubborn. if you like them, you like them. I pulled the lovers and kept channeling let em know through this entire pac. i get you guys are all mad at each other but it doesn't even seem like the breakup was that serious. it seems like it was just a petty argument, moving homes, or a fight from way too long ago to still be upset about. you guys might not be realizing the things you did wrong too. im not gonna tell you to text your ex or anything though. just let things happen naturally. you have to maintain a balance. don't deny your clear feelings but don't be obsessed. you're independent but not overdependent. accept how you feel and do your shadow work. there's not a whole lot else besides that to do. if the same cycle is repeating with them then maybe try doing something different. i hate to be one of those "your ex is coming back" tarot readers but y'all are killing me.

[pandorasprongs]

PROLOGUE | hold on to the memories.

'it's nice to have a friend' fic masterlist + playlist

PAIRING: jamie tartt x fem!reader

WORD COUNT: 5.0k

SUMMARY: stories of jamie and reader's friendship over the years, from age 7 to 17.

WARNINGS: language, slight body image/appearance issues, slight panic attack, vague descriptions of sex

A/N: yay! finally starting this fic with sort of an overview/background on their relationship, but there will be more flashbacks throughout the chapters. no gif for this one cause tbh i could not find one that fits the vibes here, but regardless hope you all enjoy the prologue!

Age 7

"You mind handing that back over?" You hear a voice coming from the other side of the fence as you pick up a loose football.

You turn to find a boy around your age in a football kit. His hair was completely waxed to one side, probably to keep it from covering his eyes while playing. You recognize his uniform as your school's football team's, though you're not sure if you've seen him before. Then again, you didn't know anyone in town yet. You had just moved to Manchester a few months ago, just as the school year started and while you had a few people to talk to in class, you didn't have any solid friends really.

You toss the ball back to the boy, who catches it swiftly. You think that's the end of it, so you start heading back to your house when he calls out to you again.

"Hey! What's your name?" You answer him, with him nodding in acknowledgment. "I think I've seen you around the school. I'm Jamie."

He reaches over the fence and extends his arm for you to shake it, despite the fact that you were already at your front door. You walk back and shake it, as he asks, "Do you wanna play football? I got a game tomorrow, but Mum's too busy to play goalie."

You had hoped your look of glasses, multiple layers of clothes, and generally un-sporty demeanor was enough to dissuade offers to play, but this Jamie didn't really seem to care.

"Maybe another time," You reply, but this boy is persistent.

"Okay, do you wanna watch me score goals?" He offers before glancing at the book tucked under your arm and pointing at it. "You can read while I play."

Once you realize that he wasn't going to quit, you finally agree. You head back inside to tell your mom that you'd be playing with your neighbor for the afternoon and since you already finished your homework, she was more than willing to let you go. She always said you needed some fresh air, which was why you were outside in the first place.

You walk back to your yard to find Jamie still standing where you left him, but this time he was practicing his dribbling. He was pretty good from what you knew about football, and walk over to his side of the fence. He stops when he sees you and starts leading you to his backyard. There was a goal net in the far back and some cones set up, probably to practice maneuvering the ball better. 

Jamie turns to see if you're still following him and drags you to a small table with two chairs near the door to the house. "You can stay here and count my goals," he instructs you and you nod your head in understanding.

While Jamie kicked around the football, you continued reading your book, occasionally looking up at what the boy was doing. It was easy to keep track of the score since Jamie would be cheering like he just won the Premier League when he scored. 

After getting bored of reading, you decide to ask Jamie to teach you how to play. You see his eyes light up and immediately drags you up from your seat. The first thing he teaches you is how to dribble the ball. He held your hands the whole time to stop you from falling over, but that only seems to make it harder for you to move around.

Once you finally got the hang of that, — meaning you no longer tripped over your own feet — the next few hours were then spent teaching you the other basics of football like passing and shooting. You only started to get decent at shooting when you realized that the sun was already setting.

"I think I have to go home now," You tell Jamie, whose expression suddenly fell at your statement. You go and grab your book from the table and wave at the boy. "It was nice playing with you!"

If he said anything in reply, you didn't hear it because you sprinted back around the fence and into your house. You take off your shoes, relieving the ache of kicking around the ball, and go to tell your parents everything you did that day.

—

The next time you see Jamie was Friday morning. He spotted you leaving your house for school and invited you to his team's football game that afternoon. "You just have to stay in school a little later. My mum said your mum might get worried, so she told me to tell you now so you can ask her."

You run back inside to do just that and after informing her that the other parents would be chaperoning the game, she agreed. You also take the chance to get your scarf and gloves because you hadn't realized how cold it was outside. She went out with you to tell Jamie the good news.

"Thank you, Ma'am," he replied, causing your mom to let out a chuckle at how polite the boy became. She finally sends you off to school and Jamie decides to walk with you too.

—

You couldn't help but be amazed at how well Jamie was playing. You knew that he was at least decent based on how well he taught you that day, but he was practically scoring all the goals for his team. None of the opposing players could even catch up to him, at times. You wonder how he kept his energy up despite the fact that it was freezing outside and he was only in shorts.

After the game, his team got hot chocolate to celebrate their win. You go to congratulate him, but find it hard due to the number of people surrounding them. Jamie was looking for you too, so the moment he spots you trying to make your way through the crowd, he heads to you instead and pulls you aside.

"Did you like the game?" was the first thing he says to you.

You immediately nod, "Yeah, it was really fun to watch! Congrats on winning."

Jamie shrugs, "Thanks, but it's really nothing, we've been on a streak for a while." You don't know if he's just being humble or bragging about his team, but either way, you're happy they're doing well.

Afterward, Jamie decides to bring you to meet his mom. She's quick to embrace you and mentions that Jamie's been talking about you non-stop, much to the boy's embarrassment. She hands you a hot chocolate of your own and you're grateful to be able to warm your hands. You lost one of the pair around lunchtime, so you've been keeping your hands in your jacket pocket the whole day.

While Jamie goes to change, you stay with Georgie as you savor your drink. She notices the lack of cover on your right hand and gives you an extra pair that she kept in her bag. It's clearly too big for you and its orange color clashes with the blue and white on your left hand but you're grateful regardless.

Soon after, Jamie's rushing out of the locker room looking cozy in a sweatshirt under his winter jacket. He's wearing gloves as well and when he notices your mismatched gloves, he takes one of his off and switches them with the orange one. 

They're a much better fit and you thank Jamie for it. The boy adds, "My hands are bigger, so they won't slip off as easily." 

"Come on, let's go home!" He adds, grabbing one of your hands with his left and his mom's with his right as you walk off the pitch.

After coming home, your mom notices your new glove and decides to bring some cookies for the neighbors as a thank you. That started a months-long gift exchange between the two moms for reasons ranging from watching over their kids on weekdays to lending their kids a pencil for a standardized test. 

You didn't really mind it though, because it usually meant you'd get to hang out with Jamie longer. You spent countless weekends riding your bikes around town, playing football, and even camping in your backyards. The boy who threw that ball over your fence was quickly becoming your best friend.

—

Age 15

“Aww, my little girl is so grown up, now!” Your mom exclaims as she opens the door to see you in a pink knee-length sundress. You don’t know why she’s so shocked you’re wearing it considering that she was the one who bought it for you. “Hmm, but do you think you need a necklace?”

“Mom!” You whine and she immediately backs off. It’s not like you minded the suggestion, but you had your own issues to deal with and didn’t need your parents to get involved.

When you said yes to Tim asking you on a date, you knew you’d be both excited and nervous. But you didn’t realize how insecure it would make you. Your parents say all the time that it’s normal for kids your age — being insecure about your looks and body, — but that advice never seemed to help. As your mom leaves the room, you turn back to the mirror and sigh. Something was just off. The dress was pretty, the shoes matched, and your mom did great with your hair, but even then, you still aren’t satisfied.

You weren’t as experienced with make-up and fashion as the other girls in your school and you had long since accepted that. You just didn’t realize it would backfire on you in times like these. You sigh sharply again. If Tim really liked you, it wouldn’t matter that much right? You add the necklace your mom was suggesting before heading downstairs.

After a string of ‘oohs’ and ‘awws’ from your parents, you start heading to the restaurant. Most popular restaurants among your schoolmates were walkable and you didn’t want an even more awkward introduction with your parents there, going there by yourself was the best plan. You had gotten there early, so you settled on the bench outside the restaurant to wait for your date.

Maybe around the first half hour, you should’ve suspected something was off. But you stayed for another hour in case Tim actually showed up. God, you shouldn’t have believed he was sincere. Why would someone ask you out? You always kept to yourself in class, spent most of your time studying, and never even tried to go to parties or anything.

You check your phone again because some hopeful part of you thought he’d text you with a valid excuse, but all you see are some messages from classmates asking for notes and a missed call from your mum. You were not ready to face your parents right now, not after the hopeful looks on their faces that their daughter might be sociable for a night.

Instead, you call the only other person you can. Jamie makes it to the place in record time and the first thing you do is hug him. The moment you make contact with his body is the moment you let the tears flow from your face. It didn’t really matter at that point if people were staring: you just needed someone. You needed Jamie.

“I’m gonna murder that prick,” Jamie threatens as he reciprocates the hug.

“Please don’t,” you whisper into his chest. “I can’t have you going to jail right now.” Despite trying your best to say it jokingly, your voice is too hoarse to properly convey it.

After what felt like hours in that position, you finally let go. You soon realize that your streaming tears had stained Jamie’s shirt. “Shit, I’m sorry.”

The boy looks down and just shrugs. “It was getting too small for me, anyway.” That’s enough to put a smile on your face.

The two of you get into the car – Georgie’s car, since technically, Jamie only had a provisional license – and start driving back to your house. Maybe it was your wrecked emotional state, but you decided to outright ask, “Jamie, do you find me attractive?”

You gasp as Jamie almost crashes the car. You quickly clarify as he steadies the vehicle, “Fuck, I didn’t mean it like that! It’s just, I don’t really know how I look to guys.”

“Right, sorry.” He says but doesn’t look away from the road. “I mean, you are pretty. As long as you don’t let it get to your head.”

You roll your eyes. “Oh, fuck off Jamie, I’m not you.” You could list the number of times Jamie’s flashed that cocky smirk to girls at school during breaks. Those were some of the very few times you were embarrassed to be seen with him and you laugh at the reminder. But your smile quickly disappears when you look down at your outfit. “Do you think other guys think I’m pretty?”

Your voice is as soft as it’s ever been, not wanting to show how insecure you’re feeling at the moment. But Jamie can tell like he always does. You turn the corner to your house and he stops the car in the road and fully turns to you.

“Fuck those other guys. Fine, if you need someone to say it, I will. You are fucking gorgeous, especially tonight.” You cringe at his words, not used to having anyone say that about you, but he gets you to look at him again. “I’m serious. And Tim’s a fucking idiot for ditching you.”

Despite his harsh tone, the soft look in his eyes as he tries to comfort you almost makes you tear up again. As if it’s become a routine, you reach over and envelop him in a hug once more. To make up for the failed date, the two of you spend the rest of the night eating a tub of Neopolitan ice cream and soon enough, you forget that Tim even existed.

—

Age 17

Your teachers always said you were a good writer. But no one ever told you how fucking difficult it was to start your personal statement. You'd never realized how hard it is to prove you should go to university until you forced yourself to sit down and actually try and write something. You started with the outline route, trying to note all your academic achievements, extracurriculars, and things like that before you ended up boring yourself.

You've written 9 possible starting lines at this point, and in the end, you decide to just shut your laptop in despair. Try again tomorrow, you said to yourself. The same thing you said yesterday and the day before that. 

You go to lie down on your bed when you hear something hit your window. It's a light clinking sound, and you ignore it till you hear another one. You finally decide to check outside your window and hear shouting from above.

"God?" you ask hesitantly.

"Nope, just me," you look up to find Jamie Tartt sitting on his rooftop, almost giving you a heart attack.

"Get down from there!" You tell him immediately and instantly cringe at how similar your tone is to your mom’s. Jamie rolls his eyes at the order but obliges anyway. He starts going down the roof into his bedroom — carrying an empty bottle of beer in his left hand — and makes it through his window.  Once he's safe with his feet on the floor, he turns around to face you in your adjacent bedroom.

"Why'd you even go up there?" you question and Jamie, like always, simply shrugs.

"Felt like it," you shake your head at his reasoning. You knew your best friend could be reckless, but you didn't think he'd do something as stupid as that, especially before scouting season.

"So falling off and breaking your legs wasn’t something you thought could possibly happen?"

"Well, that’s why I have you to warn me," He exclaims, before going back to the conversation. "I'm coming over."

Both your sets of parents were out for the night and they'd known each other long enough to trust each other's kids enough, so neither of you needed to message them about it. You watch him sprint out of his room and after a few minutes, you here the doorbell ring.

You head downstairs and open the door to find a panting Jamie leaning on the frame. "3 minutes, new record time."

"Well, they do say I'm one in a million." He jokes as you let him inside and he takes off his shoes.

"Who's they, in this situation?"

"Mum." He says blankly, collapsing on the couch. "And Simon."

You laugh, before lifting his legs and shuffling on the opposite side of the couch. You rest them on your lap for a second, before a wave of stench from his feet hits you and you shove them off. Jamie goes back to sitting upright and he instead leans his head on your shoulder.

You turn on the TV and start browsing for a movie as your entertainment for the night. Most weekends were like this; hanging out in one of your houses, ordering pizza — which Jamie did as you looked through channels, — and relaxing on the couch.

The order was placed and you settled on the Hunger Games this time. You watched the first part of the movie in silence as usual, but once the pizza arrived, Jamie decided to change things up.

"Wanna play 20 questions?" You look at him curiously. You knew practically everything about each other, so why on Earth would you play a game that's every person's go-to icebreaker?

You don't have a chance to protest because after taking a bite of the pizza, he asks, "What were you doing before I got here?"

Your eyes widened at that. Maybe the one thing you never really talked about with Jamie was your future. Neither one of you would admit it, but there wasn't any chance that you two were going to be doing the same things in your career. You had academia and Jamie had football. It's hard to imagine something that kept the two of you together and also made both of you happy, so you never brought it up.

"Uh, I was having a wank," you joke but Jamie isn't amused. He continues to stare at you with an expression that you rarely ever saw; he was being serious. "I was trying to write my personal statement."

 You look cautiously at your best friend who is quiet for the first time tonight. He takes a bite of his pizza again and with a full mouth, says, "And? How's it going?"

You groan and lean your head back. "Fucking terrible. I can't think of anything to say about myself."

"The fuck do you mean? You're like the smartest person I know." He points out and while you're touched he thinks that, you sigh.

"Unis don't just look at grades anymore. They want substance and worldly impact from their applicants. How the fuck am I supposed to change our societal landscape at fucking seventeen?" You admit, and it's like a weight has been lifted off of you. You drop your plate of pizza on the table and lean into Jamie's side.

"You want me to write it for you? I've got a bunch of great things to say about my best friend." He offers and you finally let out a laugh. "I can put how fucking amazing you are at Scrabble, how you can predict the ending of a movie in the first 20 minutes, how loud your voice can get when you cheer me on at a football game, and how you can hear a song once and already figure out how to play it on the piano."

You look up to find Jamie giving you a wide smile and his happiness is contagious. But that feeling is almost instantly replaced when you remember the position you two are in and feel your heart beating faster.

You don't ignore the fact that Jamie has grown up a lot more in recent years: finally passing you in height, having more defined arm muscles, and definitely growing into his features. It's harder to feel normal when you do the things you did as kids like when he rests his head or arms on your shoulders, pulls you into his chest to stop you from walking in front of a passing car, or just like right now when you're leaning into him, his arm pulls you closer to his body.

You slowly pull yourself away, but then he grabs hold of your hand instead. You've held hands before, but again, there's just something different about now. You decide to leave it there before finally replying, "I'm sure with that kind of stories in it, they'll let me into fucking Oxford." The two of you laugh before you grab your plate of pizza again and turn to back to the movie.

—

“Fuck, fuck, fuck,” You hear someone say, as you turn the corner to your school’s locker room.

It was normal to hear the players get nervous before the finals, but hearing Jamie Tartt panicking was a whole new thing for most of your classmates. Some league teams had sent scouts for the striker in this game and while everyone knew he’d do great, it seemed like the school’s support still wasn’t enough to convince him of that.

When his teammates couldn’t snap him out of it, their Plan B was to call you.

“Sorry, I’m looking for my best friend, Jamie Tartt. Brown hair, blue eyes, kind of conceited, but pretty nice if you get to know him.” You start out jokingly, but when his panicked eyes landed on yours, you quickly shift gears. “Shit, sorry. Not the time for jokes, I guess.”

“I don’t know what’s wrong with me. I’m off my game right now,” He starts, still trying to catch his breath as he moves around frantically. You take his hands into yours in order to steady him, but when that doesn’t work, you grab him by his shoulders.

Usually, Jamie would be towering over you, but with his slumped posture at the moment, you were almost eye-to-eye with the guy. “Jamie, take a deep breath. Focus on me, okay?”

You’ve gone through this enough times — usually with you in Jamie’s place — to know how to calm him down.

He follows your directions and you slowly nod your head. “Keep breathing, just do that for now.” Jamie closes his eyes and slowly starts to steady himself. Your hands move from his shoulders to his hands like you initially planned.

“I know it’s fucking terrifying, but believe me when I say that you are incredible. You know how you always tell me that I’ll smash it as Model UN conferences? This time, I’m the one telling you you’re gonna be the best fucking player out there.” You pause for a moment in case he reacts, but all Jamie does is nod his head. “I believe in you. Georgie and Simon believe in you. Hell, this entire school fucking believes in you. I swear, I saw people planning a chant for you outside.”

That gets the player to laugh and you smile, seeing a glimpse of his usual self. “Also, I know I’m complimenting you right now, but better savor it cause I’m never inflating your ego like this ever again.”

“Not even when I help Man City get another win in my first year?” Jamie finally speaks up.

“I’ll be complimenting Pep, not you.” You playfully roll your eyes. “But to be able to do that, you have to get out and play today.”

Jamie straightens up and starts shaking away the nerves. He turns to head to his team, but not before giving you a quick hug and a ‘thank you.’ Once he enters the locker room again, you start heading back to your seat.

—

Age 18

"Do you really want to do this?" Jamie asks carefully, but you've already made up your mind as you pull him closer.

You were going off to university in a few months and Jamie would be doing his summer training soon. Both his and your parents were out of town on a couple's retreat, so it was either now or never.

You knew that going off for college would increase the chances of your first time being with a random guy you met at a frat party infinitely, so you could say it was a calculated decision to jokingly ask Jamie when you talked about it if he'd be willing to sleep with you.

You didn't really expect anything and for the first few seconds, Jamie was too in shock to actually reply. You immediately tried to dismiss it as a joke, but before you could, he replied, "Sure."

You knew that Jamie had already had sex with girls before, — hearing him try and sneak the girls out of his bedroom window was always a fun story to bring up the next day — so you thought that it would just be another one for him.

But that night was the most delicate you've ever seen him. He didn't rush you or make you feel uncomfortable. He checked up on you constantly, making sure it didn't hurt and you were actually enjoying yourself. You made sure to hug him after, — not being able to say any words of gratitude out loud, — and you eventually went to sleep like that.

You woke up the morning after, still with him beside you, but after you got changed and he went back to his house, neither of you brought it up again. You went back to your old routine of hanging out in the afternoons and movie nights as if nothing even happened.

And it really was for the best, considering that the next time you had sex really was in a frat house’s bathroom.

—

Now, you were loading the last of your things into your car for your family road trip to Cardiff, which was to also move you into your dorm. Your mom was recounting the boxes, making sure you didn't forget anything because in her words, "We are not driving 3 and half hours twice just to bring you your toothbrush." Your dad was in the kitchen fixing up snacks for the trip, so you decide to take this chance and finally say goodbye to your best friend.

You barely saw Jamie in the weeks leading up to this since he spent most of his time at training. Even on weekends, he would be passed out in his room from the painstaking drills of the days prior. So as you knock on their door, you aren't very hopeful.

It reveals Simon who instantly pouts and brings you in for a hug. You always appreciated him for how he accepted Jamie into his life, despite the latter's fears that he'd be just like his father.

"Come inside," He offers, but you shake your head. You had to leave soon and you didn't want to delay the trip any longer. “Alright, but I was actually baking some muffins that you guys can take on your drive there, and you can’t say no to those.”

You laugh as you nod, before asking, "Is Georgie home?" 

Simon calls out to his wife to tell her that you're about to leave. You soon hear quick footsteps descending the stairs before you are once again enveloped in a hug. 

Simon heads out to presumably pack up those muffins, but you're too distracted by the rising feeling of sadness as you say goodbye to the woman whose practically been your second mother for a decade.

"You stay safe, okay? I know you'll enjoy your life there, but don't make your parents worry too much. Cause then they won't be able to stop talking about you," You laugh at her prediction before giving her one last hug.

Simon races back to you with a brown paper bag which he hands over, along with a pat on the back. You turn around to see if there's any sign of your best friend, but Georgie answers that for you. "He said he might be running late at practice." You feel your heart sink, but do your best to mask it. You wave goodbye to the couple before walking to the car.

You hand your dad the bag of muffins and sigh, "We can go." Your parents exchange a look but oblige nonetheless. You start heading into the car when you hear the call of your name.

You turn to see Jamie, still in his kit — shorts and all, — running towards your house. You decide to meet him halfway and once he's close enough, the football player pulls you into a tight hug, as if he's never letting go.

"Did you really think I'd let you leave without saying goodbye?" He whispered into your shoulder.

"If you're in trouble for leaving practice early, that is not on me." You try and keep it light-hearted, but his laugh only makes the pit in your stomach feel worse.

"Call me, okay? As often as you can. And send me pictures of all the stadiums you're playing in. I don't care if you send ten pictures of Etihad Stadium in a row, just do it. If you ever come to Cardiff, take some time off to see me. And," you try and think of more things to say, but Jamie cups your face in his hands to make you stop.

"I'll see you during the off-season, yeah?" Jamie's look is soft and you can feel the dam stopping your tears about to break.

"Don't you fucking forget me, Jamie." You try and say as angrily as you can, but your voice cracks as Jamie pulls you into another hug.

The two of you finally separate and you head off to your car. You stop yourself from looking back as you get into your seat. 

Jamie doesn't take his eyes off you, though. He watches as your car starts and turns the corner off your street.

A/N: hope you all enjoyed this one! if you couldn't tell, some of these flashbacks were based on the song 'it's nice to have a friend' by taylor swift which is what inspired this whole thing! see you next week for the official first chapter !!

[mrsmiagreer]

Favorite Redacted quotes but the list gets longer everytime I find a new one

“And the energizer bunny…Takes a tumble” -Milo

“Is this why you put up with my memes and shit? Because i gotta big dick and a great ass??” - Guy

“WHAT ECHO?!” — ALL OF REDACTED aka echo

“Do you love me?” — Imp!Damien

“Keep his name out of your FUCKING mouth” -Sam

“Laying in comfortable silence, hands roaming lazily betwixt our supine bodies, tracing gentle patterns across supple skin…Yes that was all about my eyes😂” — Guy

“This isn’t like a dog or something. Like normal wolves are big. Shifter wolves are even bigger…and i’m on the bigger end of that too” -David

“Is David being a total groomzilla about your side? Oop— Heard that-” Asher

“But I bet I’d lay down for it” — Vincent

“Make it two” —Sam

“Great deal on a large sausage” —Guy

“Will you marry me, Angel?” —David

“….Isn’t that right??” “Heyyy no tickling!!” — Gavin and Caelum

“No not just yes…say the words…say the whole thing” —Vincent

“Ohh— You are getting close! Hi! Hi baby….I love youuu” —Guy

“We are NOT matching. I am wearing my work clothes, YOU’RE wearing contraband” — David

“someone please get the gentleman a door prize”— Blake

“I was thinking a little less nature documentary and little more battle bots you know like i want you to just fucking SNAP me like a twig😭” -Guy

“No! You can’t tell me I taste good >:(” — Lasko

“Who are you and what have you done with my lover??” — Guy

“I know baby I know” — Milo

“Staaapppp you’re being rude… Yes RUDE you heard me!” —Guy

“…..do it— hmmmMmMmMmm okay okay….That had a little less finesse than i’m used to” —Milo

“You know what wordplay reminds me of? Tounge twisters!! And you know what tongue twisters remind me of? Tongue kissing!! Let’s explore that topic shall we?” —Guy

“The goal is healin me, you can’t be hittin me at the same time” —Milo

“Show me that wagon ya draggin sexy uehh” -Guy

“Who’s that bitch we hate?” — Asher

“Any hole is a goal” — Guy

“Just move your ass…..hmm i didn’t mean to move it quite like that but you’ll get no complaints outta me” —David

“My mouth is good for a lot more than just…talkin” —Milo

“It’s our bedroom….It’s our bed” —Geordi

“Hey Baaaaabyy” —Ollie

“I’ve sat with these feelings long enough to know how to manage them I promise” —Blake

“Call me that one more time and you won’t be able to walk tomorrow” —David

“I cant be another mistake…because it’ll break me” —Blake

“I’m sure seeing him is like….like those healing classes. A nice diversion😊” —President Moore

“Milo…play nice” — Imp!Asher

“You don’t have to order anyone to do it…Just take volunteers” — Imp!Milo

“I just set my fucking curtains on fire” -Damien

“Who taught you how to do healing magic?? A construction worker with a jackhammer?!” —Milo

“You’re taking me so fucking good” —Milo

“I’m trying to get off of you…I don’t wanna crush you” —David

“Awe yeah i often walk into work with shotgun shells in my fucking brief case” —Milo

“I cant read your mind baby” — Vincent

“Welcome home my love. How was your day?” -Gavin

“Park it on me Sweetheart” — Milo

“That does not feel like searching for a key Lovely” —Vincent

“Do i need to set this stuff down or are you gonna behave?” —Vincent

“Yeah, no thinking about work today. Or we’ll come over there and kick your ass” —Milo

“Hey…sorry i’m late” —Blake

“Do I look like i care??” —Blake

“I’m a grown ass man” —Milo

“I DON’T whimper…” —Damien

“You know what we do to…Bad Boyss around here—💀💀💀” —Guy

“Did I really just get drive by kink shamed??!” —Asher

“Awweee poor baby” —Asher

“Keep it in your pants you two. I already mopped this morning😒” —David

“…boop” —Sam

“I don’t want this for you baby” —Milo

“Boot Licker” —Milo

“I’ll always find you” —Avior

“Wexler, Greer is causing problems at the west entrance” — That One Guard😭

“That wasn’t rhetorical. Answer me” —Imp!Damien

“I love you more than human words can convey” —Gavin

“Yes baby” —Gavin

“Ruth Holland are you here? Hello? Hello?” —Milo

“Fuck, bounce on my fucking dick” — Guy

“Moan. They moaned. You moaned.” — Geordi

“Pfftttt hahaha- Okay— WuHwuhWwaA—” — Guy

“This isn’t happening!!” — Ivan

“I don’t like you, and I’m not going to” — Alexis

“Hold still i’ll grab you one of mine” — Milo

“Bad. Worse. Better.” — Vincent

“Go kick that ass….champ? Oh God-” — Lasko

“No can do baby” -Huxley

“I’m just fucking with you” — Sam Collins

“I needa stop saying fuck. Fuck. Sorry. And i needa stop saying sorry. fuck. sorry. FUCK i mean FUCK so— oh fuck😭 Oh my god i am such an idiot” — Lasko

“I wanna touch” — Stranger/Caller/John..?

“Fuck! Fuck me—” — Lasko Moore

“Can I cum on you?” — Milo Greer

“I am not gonna have ants runnin round my house cause of you😭” — Sam Collins

“It is not funny, you FUCK” — Milo Greer

“I’ll spank your ass brat. Not like it’d be the first time. Or the last.” — Milo Greer

“You’ll be safe” — Blake

“Well of course it’s gaudy. I made it” — Gavin

“Shit Darlin. You really weren’t gonna say anything about this?” — Sam Collins

“It’s all good” — Huxley

“I hate to make a guy lose his fuckin’ noodles” — Milo Greer

“Where do you want these fangs baby?” — Sam Collins

“Do you have any idea just how much energy is coming off of you right now?” — Fool!Gavin

“Sorry” —Fool!James

“I gotta go faster before i start…fucking…crying or something😭” — Asher

“Moan for me baby” — Milo Rebane

“I’m still so hard omg…I think I can cum again” —Asher

“Because we’re going on a hike, baby” — Damien

“You want my body, you want my cooperation, then you let me have this. you let me have them” — Blake

“Blink twice if you need help buddy” — Asher Talbot

(I will be updating this list when i find/remember new ones😊)

[astroamorsworld]

Part of Fortune in the houses part 3

If you guys would like to support me, you can buy me a coffee here :)

If you guys would like a reading, feel free to DM me or contact me through my fiverr account here or my ko-fi page here.

I hope you guys enjoy!

Part of Fortune in the 9th house

You might have a natural curiosity and a knack for learning new things. Pursuing higher education, traveling, or delving into philosophical studies can bring you good fortune and open doors to new opportunities. Traveling is likely to be more than just leisure for you. It can be a source of personal growth, inspiration, and even unexpected opportunities. You might have a knack for connecting with people from different cultures and backgrounds. This can be beneficial in your personal and professional life. Living, working, or even starting a business abroad could be particularly fortunate for you. If you wanna get the most out of this placement, Don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zone and explore new places, cultures, and ideas. If you're drawn to academics, philosophy, or any field that expands your knowledge, follow that passion. It can lead to success and fulfillment. Seek out opportunities to learn about different cultures and perspectives. This can broaden your horizons and bring unexpected benefits.

Part of Fortune in the 10th house

You likely have a strong drive to succeed and a natural ability to navigate the professional world. Your ambition and determination can be powerful tools in achieving your goals. This placement suggests that you might find good fortune and recognition in your career. You could achieve a high level of success in your chosen field. You might be drawn to careers that allow you to make a significant contribution and leave your mark on the world. Finding your purpose and aligning your ambition with it can be key to fulfilling experiences and success. If you wanna get the most out of this placement, don't be afraid to set high goals for yourself and work hard to achieve them. Continuously learn and develop your skills to stay competitive and reach your full potential in your chosen field. Your confidence and leadership qualities can be assets in the professional world.

Part of Fortune in the 11th house

You likely have a knack for attracting supportive and inspiring friends and allies. Your social network can be a valuable asset in your personal and professional life. Working collaboratively with others can be particularly fortunate for you. You might find success in fields that require teamwork, such as social work, community organizing, or even starting a business with a partner. Being involved in a cause you're passionate about can bring you a sense of fulfillment and open doors to unexpected opportunities. You want to get the most out of this placement? Invest time and energy in cultivating strong and supportive friendships. Don't be afraid to collaborate with others and work towards common goals. Identify a cause you're passionate about and get involved. This can bring you fulfillment and connect you with like-minded people.

Part of Fortune in the 12th house

This placement suggests that good fortune can be found through delving into your subconscious, exploring your inner world, and facing your shadow aspects. Self-reflection and personal growth can unlock hidden potentials and lead you to unexpected opportunities. You might have a strong intuition and a capacity for deep thinking. Paying attention to your inner voice and hunches can guide you towards good luck and success. Working behind the scenes, engaging in spiritual practices, or even solitary creative pursuits could bring you a sense of fulfillment and open doors to unexpected opportunities. In order to get the most out of this placement, dedicate time to introspection, meditation, or any practice that allows you to explore your inner world. Pay attention to your gut feelings and hunches. They can be powerful guides in making decisions. If you're drawn to spirituality, psychology, or hidden knowledge, pursue these interests. They can be enriching and lead to unexpected opportunities.

Click here for more!💖

[kadextra]

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about current lore, so it’s time to ramble my thoughts/theories/analysis whatever you wanna call it >:D

(long post get ready)

Alright, let’s talk about q!Cellbit… there is a lot happening with him rn. It’s been so crazy keeping up with all the enigmas lately

(these next thoughts about the character will all be centered on the idea that this is indeed him doing the worker murders, and he’s not being framed.)

His emotional state is unrestrained, and returning to past ways of violent behavior from the days of war and prison. he’s not repressing his feelings anymore, no more holding back. I could go on about these emotions and what they mean for him, but instead I’m gonna talk about the strategic reason I think q!Cellbit would want to kill the workers to begin with. I strongly believe that even if he’s in madness, no way is he mindless. his intelligence is sharp like the point of a dagger, and aimed straight at the federation. this is a plot of revenge on the “little bear” after all. “his toys will keep falling until he pays for everything.”

This is a guy that’s always careful about not leaving traces in all the investigative work he does, but here q!Cellbit is choosing to leave the bodies around the main spawn area where everyone can see, complete with encrypted messages next to them meant for Cucurucho to read (intercepted by q!Bagi) that so obviously leads right back to him. an intentional move, he stated in one of the messages that it’s a show and he wants people to watch- wants Cucurucho to watch, and hopes for the hunt to continue. though I think by being so obvious, he ultimately intends to get caught. ofc it’s not turning out the way he wants because q!Bagi is getting there first, but he is still set on a self-destructive path that I can only see ending up with him going down in a fight… but only after damaging the federation to a degree they can hopefully not recover from. which we know is his goal, he said as much in his last conversation with q!Bad.

Back then, q!Cellbit talked about how he realized that since q!Bad kidnapped Ron, it caused the federation to get into a lot of problems, he saw how going after the workers could cause some big damage. in the federation’s reports it’s shown how they had to put vital resources that would’ve gone to finding the eggs & pacifying the chaotic islanders into their own internal affairs, because all the workers were freaking out over the kidnapping. it was bad enough to make them need to hire psychological professionals to give therapy, send out people to search for Ron, and assign guards to the A-ranks so they could move safely around the island.

All the employees were already in constant fear over the past several weeks that they’d be the next one to disappear… and now here comes q!Cellbit turning the fears into a living nightmare.

Fast forward to today with workers being targeted left and right. as for why it’s only B-ranks? maybe because the A-ranks are too hard to catch alone right now (Bad also had trouble) but B’s are still a high level and can cause some major chaos as seen by Ron. and they just keep on dropping.

q!Cellbit’s building on this snowball of terror that q!Bad set off, all to crash into the federation and send it into even more disarray. it’s working. which gets even more chaotic when you factor in how he’s not even the only one doing something like this right now. q!Etoiles is unintentionally adding to it by breaking into federation facilities on behalf of the resistance and mercilessly taking out more workers. plus how the federation doesn’t even know q!Quackity has A-rank Fred locked in a jail. (or maybe the higher-ups know. tbh I still don’t know how qQ did this and still think the situation is sus. I have the theory that the federation let it happen as fred’s punishment for getting close to an islander)

Agent 18 told q!Foolish that all the employees are scared out of their minds right now with the danger of kidnapping + getting assassinated by the killer. they are staying shut inside the office cubicles and are too afraid to go outside alone. Agent 18 literally stepped out for 5 minutes, heard a small noise and it was enough to send them running back to hide

it’s clear that the federation workforce is now in shambles, and honestly I wonder how many might be getting disillusioned with the federation’s ability to protect them…. because yeah they are very weak right now. which is why I believe the federation has been introducing all this new tech to cut the losses: Minimes to give the workers an army as protection (failed because it was stolen by the islanders) and Cucuruchito placed at spawn, one of the main islander meeting points, and where it just so happens the worker murders are

Cucurchito is intended to passively gather intel for the federation, which I think they’re in dire need of because I am seriously doubting in the federation’s ability to know anything about what’s happening in these current events. they are in a rough state, just as confused as we are about where the eggs disappeared to, the islanders are all going crazy. they don’t know what the dark matter is and also somehow lost the president in the nether, there’s an obvious egg who’s supposed to be dead running around which they aren’t doing anything about. they got distracted from Ron’s case, don’t know Fred is missing, who the culprits behind both that and who is doing the worker murders are. employee morale is below negative.

but everything is a-okay because they have this little creature now!!! he’s the perfect solution :3

okay that’s the end of my rambles :D

I love the lore and as always, hope for future events to be unexpected and surprise me!! it’s really nice to have theories confirmed, though I also enjoy getting proven wrong ^^ excited to see what happens next, it be chaos on these quesadilla island streets

[mcbride]

Daryl Dixon Rewatch S1E01 - L'âme perdue

i have some thoughts, but before we get to it and explore the episode, i just wanna point out that the writing is what stood out for me. after seasons of mediocre writers and writing on TWD, it felt like a breath of fresh air. that ain't saying much, but it's a big improvement. also the cinematography, plsss!!

i will digress, this will be long, boring and full of spec for s2!!! read more after the jump...

the best part of it for me was Daryl. Daryl is finally using his words, keeping some things close to the vest he ain't no longer wearing, but he is actually speaking up, telling shit how he sees it, being his observant self, and not taking that religious crap bullshit they trying to feed him. he is also done with it all, and his goal is always and will always be getting back home.

"You deserve a happy ending, too." the ep starts with Judith voiceover, which is repeated in Daryl's feverish dream, and once again by Laurent. Carol isn't mentioned directly, but you can feel her presence throughout the episode. it's sort of a quiet energy that hangs in there whenever Daryl mentions he wants to get back home, he needs to use the radio, he needs to get to that possibly active port. and of course, her smiling face in his dream, with one of the last things he said to her "it's not like we are never gonna see each other again."

"witchy shit;" "dead priest and creepy kid," "you've been fucking with me," while putting his finger in Isa's face and storming out to borrow some cool weapons will always be hilarious to me, but it also felt like genuine Daryl is back. this is the Daryl we fell in love with. he is changed by his experiences, but he is still the OBSERVANT dude with the sass and zero tolerance for bullshit. i like this Daryl, so i will thank Zabel and Norman for bringing him back to us!

NOW let's get to the spec: i think the first episode tells us all we need to know about what is really set to happen, it's so in your face, you may not even notice and just assume they are talking metaphorically - i'm talking about the nuns, the nest, the kid, the whole conspiracy you shouldn't see coming.

for some reason it will probably never be clear, they think Daryl is the one, the messenger to deliver the new Messiah, and he's got an important role delivering the kid to the Nest, like he is the only one who can do it. i mean Isabelle watched Daryl fight and lose, and now she thinks he's Messiah's protector. PLEASE, bitch! maybe he is chosen simply because he is American, he made it across the Ocean, he must be special??? ok, i'll buy that.

now when Mother is dying she agrees Daryl is the one (to protect Laurent) and says "reasons are everywhere." YES, there's a reason Daryl had to come back to protect the kid, there's a reason he doesn't get on that boat to return home, too - and that reason is CAROL is coming. he cannot leave, she's coming to him, and i believe that TOGETHER they are the ones supposed to save Laurent.

WHY Carol, you ask? Daryl just may be to close to the Nest, their people to see them for who they are - some sort of cult who believes "the kid is the cure for a sick world," Mother's words. but how are they dangerous??

they literally tell you, if you're listening. the monk, possibly Losang, says the kid is special, says the kid is the NEW Messiah. Isabelle tells Daryl they need to take the kid there cause he needs safety, teaching and nurturing UNTIL he is ready. ready for what, Daryl asks. ready to be the new Messiah and lead the REVIVAL of humanity.

now Laurent said they had walker!Father Jean there because they were waiting for him to rise again. say what, kiddo? but Father can't rise again, cause he ain't special, he ain't the new Messiah. so there you go, i think the Nest, they're planning to turn Laurent and wait for him to RISE again (be the cure) with help from praying and poetry. maybe the good guys ain't so good.

and this is exactly why the kid is also valuable to Genet. perhaps she also wants to test whether the kid is special or not, knowing his history.

i can see Carol making it to France and figuring out their nefarious plans in like the first 5 mins. and that's why she needs to come to help save Laurent. that would pretty much bring their story full circle, and allow them to deal with the guilt and the trauma of not being able to safe loved ones.

[violetasteracademic]

I saw a reddit post a while back talking about how “obvious” gwynriel is, with hundreds of upvotes and everyone agreeing, saying that it’s exactly how SJM sets up her love interests, and it makes me feel like a crazy person.

I agree that SJM is obvious with her couples, but for me the only logical obvious answer is elriel. The entire time I was reading the series it couldn’t have been more obvious, and all my irl friends feel the same. We didn’t even know gwynriel was a thing. They barely interact in the books, and even then it’s only vaguely friendly and mostly one-sided. Then I get online and see all of these people who genuinely believe it’s gwynriel that’ll be endgame and I can’t understand how we’ve read the same books.

This is the only reason I question elriel at all; am I somehow missing something? What the hell are these people seeing that overshadows elriel’s foreshadowing? I just can’t see it from their point of view, no matter how many theories or analyzing I read from them. I almost wished I could so that this ship war wouldn’t be so frustrating, but I just can’t.

Sorry to throw this rant at you, your posts and explanations are just very comforting and you explain things so well. I read them whenever I’m worried to assure myself I’m not crazy :,)

Hi sweet anon!

I certainly don't think you are crazy or missing anything, and I'm glad to know that some of my posts have brought you comfort. That is my one and only goal.

I've been getting more and more messages like this in my inbox, and I've been struggling with how to answer them because I've learned that a lot of my thoughts don't really fit in with the fandom at large. I don't mind that other ships exist. I have real life G/wynriel and E/lucien friends that are very chill and wonderful and not knee deep in the online fandom and don't think horrific misogynistic things. I stay out of spaces where I'm bound to see something hurtful, and I scroll so fuckin fast when I see the Elriel community screenshotting and reblogging bad takes cause I *don't wanna see it.*

I'm just a girl, and while I'm honored that this little weirdo's opinion has become of some value in this little comfy cafe corner I'm trying to build here, I don't want to say the wrong thing and make people feel discredited and invalidated. I've learned that people really like being in the drama and venting and focusing on how badly the other side is behaving, which I don't really like, and it often leaves me at odds with my own "side" of the war. But since you are here in my asks, I'll share my thoughts. Please know I am saying this with all the tender love and care in my heart, but I say:

Just let them exist. You don't need to understand. You also don't need to let it worry you. None of us are in control of the ships that are sailing in this war. So for whatever it is worth, I want to encourage you to try to stay away from the spaces that make you feel upset, confused, hurt, or angry.

We are all honestly similar in ways that might be hard to admit. If we are here, deep into this fandom, we are probably connected in a number of ways. Maybe we're a little bit lonely (me), a little bit mentally ill (me), a little bit hyper-fixated (me). Maybe we are easily consumed and obsessed, and don't have anywhere for that energy to go in our real lives and so we live on in a chronic state of escape and disassociation (yep, me).

We are also an exceptionally small percentage of SJM's readership, and we take things as far as a fan could possibly take them. This is not how most readers are interacting with her work. So to see hundreds of upvotes on something, even thousands, yes- it seems like a lot. But it's not actually that much in terms of SJM's actual numbers. Anyone on reddit, tumblr, tiktok, ect, is looking for community and people who share their thoughts and likes and dislikes. I think this is often why a lot of non canon ships actually grow more popular than canon ships, because people are here looking for a road the written story will not take them down.

I don't think it's strange or offensive or unhinged that ships other than Azriel or Elain exist and are popular. I *do* think its a little odd that this fandom has taken the stance of proving non-canon things as canon instead of just enjoying crackships, but I can't honestly sit here and say my posts proving "canon" to try to comfort people who want the same fictional couple as me is not the exact same behavior. I think I'm right. They think they are right. There will come a day when Sarah lets us know what she has decided, and it's out of our hands. But the ships will live on.

I love so many non canon ships, and I engage with them here every day. This is what fandom is for. I think this fandom in particular would be a lot less toxic if we would just live and let live and leave each other be. I am gonna keep making theory posts and writing fanfic. They are gonna keep making theory posts and writing fanfic.

Take care of yourself. Rock the block button. Strangers on the internet do not get unfettered access to me or you or anyone else just because we are online. Set some boundaries for yourself. Lurk where you feel good.

I hope my page continues to be one of those places where you can lurk to feel better. And if that ever changes, block me. I encourage it deeply. I actually feel relieved when I can see that someone has blocked me, because I know they are taking care of themselves and also saved me the time and energy of trying to diffuse an argument.

I hear your frustrations. I know it sucks to want to go on reddit if that has been a fun and comforting space for you, and now it feels overrun and not safe and not fun. Grieve that. We obviously all care very deeply, and that's okay. It's nothing at all to be ashamed of.

But at some point, we are all gonna have to learn to live with each other, because no matter what happens in canon, the ships are not going anywhere.

Take care of yourself, anon. And I hope you continue to find comforting spaces to rest.

[devine-star]

hi! I saw your response to my desperate thank you to your writing of colby with a male reader but held off until on requesting until now because I saw the response at like 1 am. but anyway I was plunged back into my snc phase and am in desperate need of perhaps Sam, colby, and Seth with a tall male s/o? when I think tall I think like 6'3"+

pretty please I literally never request and I love your work so much, obviously no pressure ofc but ily

Sam and Colby crew x Tall!Male!Reader!

Note: Just gonna be headcannons about first dates! :)) Also thank you for the request!! Send in as many as you'd like!

Colby:

When Colby was first set up on this blind date, he didnt really know what to expect honestly

He was currently sat in a bar booth on his phone reading over the description that Kat had sent him.

"Colby?" He jumped and turned to look at the voice but had to look upwards seeing as the man standing at the booth was roughly 6'5!

"uh yeah!" He said happily standing, at first he thought this was a fan

"Oh good! I was hoping that was you! Im Y/n!" But this wasnt a fan, it was the man he was on the blind date with!

Now, Colby knew a lot of things about himself but one thing he DIDN'T know was he was into taller men.

Like, REALLY into taller men apparently.

His face was flushed red the entire date and anytime Y/n stood to go get them drinks, he felt his heart rate speed up

The date went AMAZINGLY!

Colby was swooning everytime Y/n laughed or smiled his way

After one too many drinks, the two men were stumbling down the LA streets.

Arms wrapped around each other and happily laughing and chatting about anything

By the time they got to Colby's apartment, Colby was feeling brave

So, as they were saying goodbyes Colby reached up and pressed a kiss to Y/n's lips; it got slightly heated.

"Wanna come up for some coffee?" Colby sloppily winked causing his date to laugh and agree

Sam:

Now, Sam knew he was into taller guys. Knew it his whole life!

So when he seemed to bag to, somehow, bag a nearly 7 foot tall guy; he felt AMAZING

Their first date was to an aquarium!

Lots of laughs were shared as Y/n seemed to bump his head on multiple things

First was the tube that you can walk through the water and see the fish

Sam couldn't help but giggle and lean against Y/n as he was laughing as well.

The next was when they were in the gift shop and Y/n was knelt down trying to find a size of shirt that Sam had wanted and when he stood? BAM! Head connected to a shelf

The two shared jokes about how this date would end in an e.r trip and decided to end the date and go for ice cream

But Sam couldn't hold in his giggles when Y/n had to bend over to order their ice cream at the small ice cream stand

Walking on the LA board walk, hand in hand and eating Ice cream. The two enjoyed deep talks

Talking about their goals and life and even some about their childhoods

Eventually the sun went down and somehow this date went from a 2 hour date to a 7 hour date.

Y/n dropped Sam off at home and before Sam could get out of the car Y/n stopped him and placed a kiss to his cheek telling him he'd love to do another date; Sam agrees.

Once Sam was inside, he did that classic movie thing where he leans against the door and happily sighs.

Colby looked over from where he was sitting in Sam's living room, "where have you been?"

"More importantly, how did you get into my house???"

Seth:

These two met when Seth was working at the Conjouring house

What a romantic way to meet!

Y/n had just gotten the job when he met Seth!

Y/n was a guide and Seth was just there working doing paperwork

The two spent many long nights together, Y/n opting to help Seth with his paperwork and Seth often followed the tour groups and helped relay stories to guests

The owners would often make small comments about how the two height differences were funny but also small comments about how close the two were

Often asking if the two had gone on a date yet or finally confessed their feelings

Seth would often borrow Y/n's hoodies, they were often dresses on him due to how much taller Y/n is to him

Seth would also fake not being able to reach a cup from the cabinet just so Y/n could reach around him from behind to grab the cup for him

Seth was crushing HARD after like 6 months of working together

The night that brought the two together was the night Seth was grabbed in the basement.

He came running up the stairs, TERRFIED

Y/n was the first person he ran to, tears in his eyes.

Y/n brought him outside and calmed him down as he held Seth

Eventually, the two fell into silence with Seth's head on Y/n's shoulder and Y/n's head resting on his

Something about this scary experience frazzled Seth's mind, he turned to look up at Y/n

Y/n looked back at him

Their eyes said everything when their voices failed

Soon their lips met and they shared a passionate kiss under the night stars.

From inside, they heard a gasp as one of the owners ran off shouting to their partner "you owe me 20$! They kissed!"

[msookyspooky]

OMG YOU WATCHED LISA FRANKENSTIEN AND LOVED IT?! <33

I've been waiting for that especially since you've posted Gomez and Morticia (The goal of all goals) on your blog! It's an odd request but I still read and love your Set Up series so can we get a crossover with YN as Lisa Swallow's and the boys as The Creature? ( Cole Sprouse lowkey reminds me of young Skeet Ulrich which considering Riverdale it's no wonder)

Wait cause no this is such a good idea I cannot pass it up I got so much work to do but I REALLY wanna write for this! (I got so many request I'm trying to do in my inbox but uh...This is my current hyperfixation srry)

I wish I could draw better to make zombies of them fhjaafg ♡♡♡ If anyone wants to add onto this or request other characters please do (And anyone seeing this; watch Lisa Frankenstein I loved it)

🔪 Scream / Lisa Frankenstein Crossover 🧟‍♂️

Iⁿᶜˡᵘᵈᵉᵈ﹕ ʳᵃⁿᵈʸ ᵐᵉᵉᵏˢ, ˢᵗᵘ ᵐᵃᶜʰᵉʳ, ᵇⁱˡˡʸ ˡᵒᵒᵐⁱˢ, ᵐⁱᶜᵏᵉʸ ᵃˡᵗᵉʳⁱ

(Everyone is buried in this despite canon and set in the present. Fem!Reader TW: Corpse/Dead Body, Talk of Rot and Decay, Zombie BF)

🪦 Randy Meeks: Died 1998

♡ You loved his character in Stab. After you did some deep diving studying who the actual Randy was outside of the movie; you found his tombstone. (who would do this? Me and @f1nalboys Might do what Lisa did and write your name over his etched name *Meeks* on a piece of paper. Bc of course YN Meeks just has a nice ring to it)

♡ Heard you venting about life and fell in love in his restless but lucid slumber 6ft underground. Someone actually likes his character for more than comic relief? Someone understood him? They didn't think he was just the geek?

♡ After a terrible lightning storm...Guess who fumbled and broke through your window drenched in mud and decay?

♡ Is a little hurt you aren't head over heels for him in his current state. He accidentally cried even if his pride hates that he quite literally cried his own eyes out. He's used to not getting who he wants and...Well, he may not smell himself with his nostrils rotted out but considering his eye popped out; still attached to the retina and had to be pushed back in while you're covering your nose gagging; he understands even if it hurts.

♡ Takes a shower (I'd use Dawn. Bar soap or Dove ain't gonna cut it.) and wears your clothes or robe. He still smells like a dead body and has worms but he's trying. He's got a LOT of old stab wounds from dying in that van at Windsor...Holes...Things seep out so you might wanna get tape or something idk.

♡ Do not stress this undead man out if you mischaracterize a film; he cannot talk with a missing tongue to argue; it decayed decades ago.

♡ His dead, dull eyes actually have some spark of life to them when he sees streaming for the first time. So many movies he's missed out on! Give him the remote and you never gotta worry about him leaving your room while you're gone.

♡ He accidentally kills someone you definitely did not want killed after they smelled something awful in your room, went up there, screamed, Randy went to knock them out in a panic and accidentally kills them

♡ He feels awful about it and you both decide to hide the body and use their hand to replace his missing one (Fell off lol just dead things) and shock him back to circulation somehow

♡ If you do what Lisa did and let him do...Other things with a 'back massager'. He's so madly in love and yearning for you it's insane. But if you got a crush you're yearning for; he is rolling his eyes with a grunt at this being Sid and Billy or Sid and Derek allllll over again.

♡ Less corpsey he gets with each shock session; more he can't help his feelings for you. YOU have to be the one to admit your feelings to him though because what would you want with an undead geek like him? At least in his mind.

♡ Would cry his eyes out (Not literally this time) if you were killed and 100% would resurrect your body and take care of you like you did him

♡ Is as loyal as they come. Will worship you accepting him at his geekiest, dead, grossest versions of himself and you're still here

🪦 Stu Macher: Died 1996

♡ You found his tombstone as a dare to 'bring him back' like bloody mary....No duh, it didn't work. But Stu was still aware of it in a dream like state sorta way. You didn't believe in that stuff rolling your eyes at people badgering you on where you lived.

♡ A car hits a power line and the line of electricity zaps his grave and he goes home just to see...Holy shit, you own his house!

♡ He thinks he's still the playboy man slut he was in life that can get anyone he wants so he's really offended you aren't wanting him to kiss you. Why!? Cause he has worms and his lips are a little dry from sinking into rot, he's a little bit dirty with body fluid stained clothes and he smells like a dead body? Picky!

♡ Is even more offended you're gagging and covering your nose demanding he bathe. Begrudgingly takes your dumb shower and your entire tub smells like dead bird and covered in dirt.

♡ When he comes out you see his face is very scarred under all that mud he had on him. Maybe the rumor he died via a tv crashing on his head and shocking him was true?

♡ If you piss him off...Well he can't kill you cause he needs you. But he WILL hack up a worm like a hairball just to gross you out out of pure pettiness.

♡ Just steals your clothes without asking. Lounging in your best clothes that can fit while he's leaking fluids. If not, he's stealing some guys clothes in your home. Catch him lounging in your Dad/Step Dad/Brothers/Friends best fit.

♡ Tries to steal your bed till you yell at him to get in the closet before someone sees. He guards your clothes and forces you to wear the sluttiest sexiest clothes you have...What? He's helping!

♡ He is soooooooo elated they made Stab! A whole movie with him portrayed in it by a good looking actor? He is over the moon watching it on repeat.

♡ Gets lonely easily...And bored! He's sighing to himself when you're gone and thinking how Billy is dead now and all the people he once knew, knew him as a murderer and were in their 40's. In fact, don't leave him alone long; its disastrous.

♡ Not able to yap HURTS HIM. Expect a lot of hand gestures and getting him a note pad to write on because he can't handle this

♡ Kills someone after you have an issue with them not even second guessing it. What? Problem solved! AND he gets a new body part to replace the one that rotted. Win win.

♡ He is very aware and depressed his manhood rotted off decades ago and that's probably the first body part he's going for. Especially a crush/boyfriend of yours. He can handle no ear or hand or even a tongue but his dick!? No.

♡ Sits in bed painting your nails while you rant about boys. He nods at everything when it comes to guys having their mind on one thing because well...Yeah. Especially in his case

♡ HE is the one smirking if he finds any massager and even if you want a back rub that thing is going lower. Just cause he doesn't have a peen rn doesn't mean his mind isn't in the gutter still

♡ He thinks your a girlfriend of his right away so casually without even asking you so; of course any guy coming near you is dead. Of course he's resurrecting you if you die because...Well he's starting to realize you're the only girl that doesn't scream when you see him so he's gonna hang up his player towel.

♡ Even fully restored he still has scars on his face and feels indebted to you that you don't care about his murderous ways or his face now. He takes care of you if you're dead and the roles reverse...Hell, he finds it hot you need him now.

Billy Loomis: Died 1996

♡ You were a bit odd yourself and found yourself studying the murders. Feeling conflicted about Billy because yeah he was an awful incel but researching his background you felt a bit bad he felt so alone and abandoned even with people around him. You clean off vandalism on his grave and talk to him for hours.

♡ A storm occurs after you have an awful day and cry to his grave 'I wish I was with you'...You meant dead. But well...

♡ That night lightning hits the grave and you wake up in bed to the god awful smell and his dead dirty face looking down at you. You go to scream and he covers your mouth with a cold clammy hand. Going to talk to you and a centipede falls out his mouth making you scream even louder.

♡ You almost knock his head off before he points to a picture on your desk you took of his grave surrounded by newspaper articles of his death.

♡ He thinks he finally has a person that's not a 'whore, bitch, or poser' in his eyes. A bit in love with you and is bitter you don't exactly want an ex serial killer from the 90's like that...

♡ He almost wants to kill you thinking of the betrayal till he sees his reflection and is completely defeated. Sunken dead eyes, matted dirty hair missing in places, longer haggered dirty nails, skin looking ready to fall off.

♡ He sits in your bathroom and you try to comfort him till you smell what smells like...Sewage and death and embalming fluid and your trying not to throw up.

♡ He takes a shower without being told to. Disgusted by his own rot and grime. His gun shot wound in the middle of his forehead a reminder of his failure almost 3 decades ago...Might have scrambled his brain a bit.

♡ He's a manipulator and user but he's not as...Tactless and spoiled as Stu. He feels grateful you offered him to stay despite the smell and the misunderstanding even if he's not happy sleeping on the floor or closet.

♡ He feels even more defeated when you tell him his Mom died in 1998 at Windsor College trying to avenge his death. He's beside himself over it and honestly just wants to crawl back in his icky coffin and die again.

♡ He wanders your home despite being told not to. Goes through all of your things. The lack of speaking doesn't bother him. Especially when it means he can hear you spill your guts more. He wants to observe everything.

♡ Like Randy he's pleased by the movies on streaming but not as obsessed as he was. Whether that bullet was like a lobotomy or just laying in the ground so long to 'think' in the afterlife; he's not the same guy he was in 96...Not completely. Is annoyed at his portrayal in Stab. His hair never looked like that! (Yes it did)

♡ He does kill someone when they bully or mistreat you. He feels possessive of you already and he just doesn't like assholes. He's the one that decides to steal a body part while you're staring in horror.

♡ He gets shocked and you see him a little less dead and a working body part now. So it becomes a thing for you both but you tell him 'Only those that deserve it' and he shrugs. He ain't following that but okay.

♡ Is pinning over you but hides it well. Enjoying just listening to you or watching you. HATES with a passion when you talk about guys but hides it with grunts and subtle glares.

♡ Is your ride or die when he hears police are investigating you for murder after he was the one killing them. I mean...What will they do? Re-kill him? He will do anything he can especially the more 'alive' he becomes to protect you.

♡ Once he's...Fully equipped he actually refuses to sleep with you. Still thinking 'virgins live, sluts die' like he use to. You have to tell him 'You know Sidney is still alive, right? That rule is dumb and not true.' he may get over it and sleep with you or it might still take time.

♡ He wants to go after Sid but also what's the point now? He's not exactly in tip top shape...Don't even tell him about Sam being rumored to possibly being his daughter by mega Stab fans. His undead brain will stop working.

♡ If you die he will resurrect you not out of convenience and want like Stu or devotion like Randy but more possessive ownership. You're his. Whether that's love or to control you (Both). Not even death will seperate you from him.

♡ Once he's fully recovered he has a migraine till that bullet eventually is pushed out by that one last shock and his body starts bleeding again.

♡ More than happy to be together away from everyone just you and him.

Mickey Alteri: Died 1998

♡ Everyone knows Mickey as the freak that was so obsessed with Stab and the original killers he imitated them. But what they don't realize is he killed even before Nancy found him. He was just wired different and it made him feel alive...How ironic now.

♡ You accidentally stumbled upon his grave after trying to find a different one. And...Why is it empty? Well, you had nothing to do with his resurrection just wrong place wrong time as a corpse is lumbering towards you from behind a tombstone with bullet wounds all over him.

♡ He wanted to snap your neck just to fell something again till his own leg fell off and he face planted on the ground.

♡ You of course didn't know he was trying to kill you. You still tried to get away before you saw him just sitting there and...Sighing? It wasn't a mindless zombie after you? Even worse; he grabbed your keys when you ran.

♡ Ask for them back and like a damn child he shakes his head with grunts. You swear to God you heard 'nuh uh' in his grunt. (Keep his leg away give me the keys or I'm yeeting your leg)

♡ Takes a shower at your house and like Randy all those holes are leaking...Icky stuff. He had more muscle before he died so his body mass shockingly is thinner but not as much as it should be? You're talking to a corpse it doesn't have to make sense. All you know is he just walked around naked and you saw disgusting things on the human body you never wanna know after death. You gotta make him wear clothes!

♡ You're in this awkward situation where...The dead guy has feelings and thoughts and is urging he wants to go home with you. Whether you say yes or no he knows your car and will find you.

♡ Sew his leg back on or give him a funny replacement like a peg leg and tell him deal with it. What are you? A surgeon?

♡ Little did you know the second you came for your keys and talked to him he claimed you as his just for being different than most victims. More eager than Stu, falling even faster than Randy, more obsessive than Billy and POSSIBLY crazier than the og Ghostface's...You're having a corpse that is already planning to make you his (Might even kill you so you have to be with him when he resurrects you like he was.)

♡ Other than killing and movies you're the first thing to make him feel something and he is not letting that go.

♡ Wears your clothes, watches your tv, listens to you talk, plans to kill anyone that fucks with you, watches you when you sleep, dresses you up.

♡ The first kill is a guy interested in you. You are his now! He doesn't hesitate to take a few body parts to have you sew on him. Finds the whole process endearing. He's nuts guys idk. You just gotta drill it in his head not to kill a family member, close friend or pet or you won't forgive him because he cannot have that. He wants your affection and attention so he'll be good when it comes to that.

♡ With each shock he gets more lively and bolder. Dancing with you and ignoring the worm that you don't know where it fell out of. Trying to cuddle you even if you gotta start smearing vicks under your nose. Won't hesitate to kiss all over you once he's not as rotten and tries to think of your pleasure before his.

♡ He never hides his obsession and will let you know with a hand on your throat not to talk about guys around him before lovingly caressing your cheek afterwards as an apology.

♡ If you die, not by him, he is furious and will kill anyone in his path before resurrecting you. He'll take care of you in the most yanadere way. You're his forever now.

[lunareel]

I know everyone seems more interested mario and luigi's relationship in 'mario and the phantom' au but I really wanna know/see more of Luigi and the shy-guys or Luigi and Peach.

I'm a very big fan of the whole 'taken in as one of their own' trope, and unlike with peach who like, doesn't remember her original family or human society and culture, Luigi does, which I feel makes the relationship between him and his adopted family and like place in the whimsical mushroom kingdom world even more interesting to delve into

I'm gonna hijack this ask, because when I was answering this, it ended up touching upon the problems I have faced in my writing and I want to keep you guys on the same page.

Originally, this was going to be under keep reading, but screw it. I don't want anyone to miss this. Because I have made major screw ups trying to make this comic while also learning a lot.

I swear this ends in good news. Just read through it first.

For the ask:

All three are very good in their own right. Personally, the one I'm most excited to show is Princess Peach and Luigi. I have it written to where they have two main chapters where they team up. One of them is Luigi and Peach tackling the TTYD adventure together and the other I am keeping a surprise! I'm only mentioning the TTYD one because I did spoil that in a previous ask. (Listen I'd like to have some surprises.)

I also have a script covering that exact topic where the two of them have a discussion on Mario's warp pipe and their respective feelings on their original homes. I haven't drawn it yet because I keep going back and forth whether it should be a standalone comic or in the main story. As I could see it working for either.

The shy guys, I actually would like to do a few standalone comics focusing on Luigi's early life with them. Specifically, I want to focus on his adventures and him dealing with King Wart who while he will not appear in the main comic has a pretty big impact on how Mr. L's reputation came to be. I currently have two of those comics story boarded which reveals this tidbit.

For Mario's relationship to Luigi, while that is very important to the comic it is not the only thing I want to focus on. I am not sure how many have noticed but for the header of the last short for this au where Peasley was featured I called it "The Phantom" instead of Mario and the Phantom as I realized while working on it, its been going more into Luigi's adventures with different characters. And I was worried by having Mario's name in the title would suggest he gets an even amount of focus. Don't worry the tag for this comic is staying the same though, not changing that tag for a third time, just don't want to mislead people when it is not solely focused on those two.

What I have learned writing this/experience so far:

I have learned a lot while working on this both good and bad. My initial goal was to have everything written first, then I go into story boarding, then cleanup and then posting. This way I could post pages weekly. I was thinking to myself "Yeah this would be the most efficient way to make this and it gets a nice schedule for it."

Oh man, I have never been more wrong in my life. I have learned that writing this has hit a lot of issues I've had with perfectionism which has led to causing personal issues I've had with myself to resurface. Like hot damn I did not foresee this at all.

It has been so frustrating working on this. More so in that I'm writing, and I say I'm writing it, but I still don't have anything to show because well it's just in the writing stage. Since I set the goal for myself to have everything written before I draw anything. Which has not worked out for me at all. What has happened is that I have been writing and writing, but then I end up going "Well, this doesn't feel good enough" so then I rewrite it, or worse I just straight up delete it. Then I begin to feel even worse because I have lost more progress than I have made. And there has been at least a month or two where I just stare at the document, start writing and then delete everything I have done because I am just so embarrassed and ashamed I don't have anything to show yet. So it feels like in a way I'm lying being like "Hey I am working on this, I can't show anything yet but I am working on it." But that's the problem, I just have text not an actual comic to show which leads back into the loop of being angry at myself for not having anything posted yet.

And I'm writing this to explain why it's been a while with no physical updates to show for this. Because when I make progress, I start to think it's not good enough or I don't like xyz about this thing so I scrap it and restart all over again. No joke I have four different documents all covering different scripts for the same chapter.

I ended up talking to my therapist about this comic because of how angry I have gotten with myself for this comic. Of how I just keep rewriting and rewriting and I don't get anything just done, because I keep telling myself I need everything completely written and done before I can start drawing.

I had no clue that working on this comic would bring up so many of my old perfectionist and somewhat destructive tendencies.

I know you're reading this and thinking, uhhh didn't you say this has good news. Yes it does, it has good news and here it comes.

My therapist has been working with me to find a better way to tackle my problems with writing. So that I'm not hacking and slashing at everything I make and so that there is at least something there to show. So that I can keep this comic fun (and safe) for me and share it with you guys!

Instead of writing everything all at once and having every single little thing done before drawing. I am going to just start tackling it by finishing the script of one chapter stop my writing there and instead of writing the next chapter I start drawing the chapter that I just finished. Then when that is done I start working on the next script. I really should've been doing this in the beginning, but you know first time doing this gotta learn somehow.

And so far I finally have a one main chapter script I am actually happy with. Which I have not felt for any of my other scripts.

Which leads me to announce that later this month (or early to mid August if life happens you just never know) the prologue chapter for this comic will be shared!! And I am so excited for this and I really hope you guys enjoy it! Going to be starting its story boards later this week.

I do want to make it clear though that this means that there will be gaps of time where the next chapter isn't shared yet (also let me be very clear when I say gaps of time it could be MONTHS, I have school, work and life along side writing this comic). I don't want to mislead anyone when I say that.

I am still figuring out whether or not to share the entire chapter in one go or just share it page by page, and how many panels is adequate for one page.

I'm trying to remind myself that this comic should be fun first and foremost and for this past year it has been fluctuating on that, but I'm still going. I'm doing a round two for how I tackle this. I am truly sorry that I didn't share this about writing this comic sooner and that it is taking me so freaking long. I have been so embarrassed and angry for just how long it has taken me to show anything for this.

So thank you guys for waiting and being patient with me. I have never done a long chapter by chapter comic before and I look forward to seeing where this goes.

I hope you guys will tune in for when I post the prologue later this month.❤️

[hopex4]

Really random things I have noticed cause I listen to all the Hatchetfield songs on repeat dear lord help me It's all Hatchetfield, ITS ALSLS HATCENAT

Ahem people probably know these already just let me go insane <\3

•In let it out, Prof. Hidgens says "and I know it's a singular voice, Paul," which is also Pokey's title- The Singular Voice.

•What Do You Want Paul can be considered a really bad summary I think. Paul doesn't know what he wants, so he becomes apart of the hive. He's unsure when he tells Bill he'll go with him to save Alice and overall after What Do You Want Paul whenever he has to make a decision he's just unsure (excluding before America Is Great Again and after Show Stoppin' Number)

•In Show Me Your Hands one of the cops says 'Her cat is dead' which I find funny cause 1. Charolette wears a cat sweater and later dies 2. Hey, Melissa reference before it came out I'm gonna sob

•I find it so funny it's called The Guy Who DIDN'T Like Musicals. I remember when I first watched it I said "This implies he starts liking them," and that's exactly what happened-

•BACK TO WHAT DO YOU WANT PAUL- In Let It Out, HE FUCKING- HE SAYS "It doesn't matter what I want," FURTHER PROVING THAT BECAUSE PAUL DOESN'T HAVE A SET GOAL HE DIES- and even MORE he gets a whole like 30 seconds singing about what he might want. "Am I crazy," for hating musicals "I don't think so- maybe I've always been," crazy for not liking them (read that as one sentence without the thingys [""] and the without the words not in them- then together if that makes sense <\3)

•In Let It Out and Inevitable there is a very audible difference between the hives voice and Paul's voice

•In Tied Up My Heart, Sam tells Charlotte to 'break him open' and that's what Sam does to Charlotte. Yes he says "Now I'm gonna free up your heart, Charlotte," but I'm pretty sure the human heart isn't located in the stomach <3

•Also in Tied Up My Heart- Sam says "I don't wanna die alone," and he doesn't. He dies with Charlotte <3 relationship goals frfr

•"Do you wanna save the planet? Of course you wanna save the planet, well there's just one way you can do it by singing a song," and that's what he does, thank you Lah Dee Dah Dah Day.

[atreefox]

Lmao, this is a really long tangent jusy about my current thoughts and “theories” on Genloss cause OML I had a neuron activation when I saw T_3

Okay okay BUT GENLOSS IS SO BACK OMLLL ITS SO BACK DUDE DUDE

IMA RETYPE MY “THEORY” (or JUSY THE THOUGHTS I HAVE).

So so

First thing that’s noticed me was the noises preceding the door scene in the newest video (T_3). They were physical noises, and what I mean is that it’s happening in real time, it physically happened so clearly there is something on the physical plane that went on. Maybe it’s this person breaking into a room, and this door symbolizes (either metaphorically or physically) represents a barrier they have to get past. There’s something important behind that door! It hasn’t been opened, cause this is the second time it’s seen. And no room or animation or anytning has been shown to symbolize that door opening.

That’s the first one, this door, I feel like, represents a barrier that this person has to get past in order to achieve their end goal.

Now secondly, the person. This secret person that’s somehow managed to break through any barriers or censorship Showfall could have placed up to prevent any of the truth getting out.

Now I feel like this person can be trust worthy, and here’s why (though it’s up for debate! I’d love to hear more about this 😭😭 OML ITS SO INTERESTING)

When I first watched generation one, Hetch seemed a little… weird… the way he was so dismissive of Genloss!Ranboo (ofc the environment at the time, or the perceived/fake environment🤨🤨, made it so Hetch couldn’t fully explain the situation at hand), all throughout the episodes always ticked me as odd. Especially in episode three.

The way Hetch was so dismissive of Ranboo’s concerns and questions, very valid questions too! Struck me as odd. He was so set on his end goal on trying to finish the show, to make it good (was that is end goal? I’m still tryna figure it out😅, something like it!) that it felt like his concern was fake (which it was). It all felt very uncanny. Even Ran said that Hetch’s lines in the founders cut were redone to make him sound uncanny!!!!

Yet this person in T_3 is different. They seem to be more human.

And okay o feel like there’s a difference in Showfall’s performance of, well, acting human and actually and being human. Showfall desensitized its characters and forced them in character tropes, made them feel like their 2D. Such as in the carasoul of death and the streamers shown in episode three. These people are forced into character tropes and they seem inhuman, just 2D characters for the thrill of the show.

Yet with Jay and Zero and this person, they all seem human because, at this moment, they aren’t forced into a role. They aren’t necessarily being controlled.

This person has similar goals to Hetch. They wanna reach their end goal by stopping a connection (shown in timestamp 1:16, the blotted out text possibly reads “There is something coming, the connection has gotten stronger”) because they themselves seemed to have been affected by it.

Yet the difference is that, unlike Hetch who was more or so “aggressive” (not angry but antsy to hurry on) in trying to reach his goal, Hetch seemed to know EVERYTBING about the facility. The ins and outs of the absconded mall and was able to control the camera man and employees, EVERYTBING was basically under his control.

YET THIS PERSON ISNT LIKE THAT! They don’t even seem to have full control or technology to reach their goal. They seemed unsure, yet certain, throughout the entire video. They seemed concerned and didn’t rush anything. They felt genuinely human. Which is what I love about this fucking horror project.

Maybe the person is Jay.. a reach, but Jay seemed close to Zero, or Miss Roads🤨🤨, so maybe Jay somehow figured out what’s going on and wants to stop whatever this connection is.

And that brings into question, what is this connection?? Did it already happen (such as GL!Ranboo being in his own dimension (a theory, but one I believe) and yet showfall somehow connected to us on earth), or is it going to happen…? Why is this specific video, one that’s clearly opposing Showfall’s goal, posted on a channel where it seems to promote showfall. Is this channel a point of. Neutrality, showing any and all sides, or is showfall also controlling it. Mostly likely controlling it, but Jesus Christ I want to know so much about this world. DUDE.

Okay, rant over. But Jesus I can’t wait for more😭😭 no rush ofc, I’m just so excited about this!!!

Edit: but rewatching “welcome to generation zero” and what if Zero is the founder! It’s a long stretch, but just a random thought-. Also the wormhole/portal is going backwards possibly indicating that gen one happened and now a new story is being shown.