#it was so nice to just be alone and journal and listen to music

[greppelheks]

happy new year, my loves 💖 I'm doing my little new year's ritual of cleaning everything, cleaning some bad energy in the house, and journalling. Hope you all had a good new year's eve!

[roaringheat]

I was really productive today and i'm trying to be proud of myself but theres nothing like being reminded by my family that they consider me lesser and an after thought to kill my mood and motivation

[sadsimp]

Hi!! was wondering if u can do a tkatb characters with mc with low self esteem?

TKATB with a mc with low self esteem <3

I’m so sorry it took this long😭 I hope you like it <3 

I’m not sure if you meant platonic or romantic, so I tried to make it for both :)

Brittney:

I feel like she wouldn’t notice, like at all. She’s probably is the reason with her comments tbh.. 

But! If you come out and say it, she’d get it I think. If it was the Mean Girls, she’d want to fight them I’m sure. Another food fight? Perhaps..👀 

If something she said makes you upset and your esteem go down, i honestly don’t think she’d apologize right away. You’d have to tell her what she said was hurtful and then she would apologize. 

If someone else made a comment? Hands are thrown✊👊 She stands up for you and won’t let anyone talk shit about you. 

I feel like she would understand, and try to help with the ways that help her. 

She’d offer to prepare a bath for you and get some of your favorite snacks, before watching a movie together. She’d let you pick(reluctantly) and when/if she gets bored during it, she would speak up and tell you not to listen to the others. That you’re fine just the way you are 🩷

Geo:

He wouldn’t care💀😭

He’d be like “Not my problem 😐”

But let’s get into our fantasies and make him nice 😌

He’s very observant, so he’d probably know real quick. He’d ask you about it out right and bluntly. He doesn’t beat around the bush. 

If you deny it, he’s not gonna be mad. He understands that it’s not something you want to admit. He would hope you would tell him the truth. 

If you confirm his suspicions, he’d be subtle. 

He can tell by the way you curl in on yourself when someone comments about you. He glares at the people who even talk to you, and tell them off. 

He’d bring an extra hoodie or sweater and offer it for you. He’d share some of his food with you, much to the dismay of Deryl.

He’s suggest you come over to his dorm/place/home and set up something nice. He’d offer some tea, wrap you up in a blanket with him, and put on some soft music to soothe you to sleep💜

Deryl:

I don’t he’d notice quickly, but after a while he might catch on. Key word “Might.” I don’t think he’s very observant honestly. 

He’d notice how quiet you get and comment on it. He’d ask if you’re okay and try to cheer you up. He’d listen intently (try to anyway. He love him for it), nodding his head along. He would understand and say you’re not alone. 

That it’s normal for people to feel this way and everyone feels like that sometimes. Even him! 

He would hold out his arms and try for a hug. He’d squeeze you tightly and nuzzle his nose in your hair/neck/cheek/etc

He’s probably the best with jokes and making people feel better. He’d ask what he could do to help, if there’s anything, and try to do it immediately 💛

Jess:

I feel like she wouldn’t notice either honestly. You’d have to be out right with your thoughts and feelings.

She’s completely understanding and offers all the ways that helped her in the past. 

She’d suggest bubbles baths, taking a nap, journalling, hanging out with Brittney-

She’s shyly offer a small hug and hold you for as long as you want. She’d rub your back while humming a tune. If you want, she’d even scratch your back for you. 🧡

I’m sorry I don’t have much else 😭

Crowe:

He notices quickly too. He probably won’t comment and just wait for you to say something. 

He’d try to be subtle with his ways of helping you. Maybe a compliment on your hair one day, another on your outfit, one about how lovely your smile is, another-

And so on. 

If you tell him he’s completely there for you. He’s smiling softly at you as you explain your feelings and he’s nodding along. He’s not entirely sure how to help, but if you tell him he’ll do it. He’d do anything for you. 

He’d ask what he could do. He’d take what you say and also his ideas, while doing some research to help. 

He’d write down some motivation quotes and add them to your work stuff with hopes you’ll see them. 💙

Sol:

He would know immediately and he would try to help you the best he can.

He’d make you cute little lunches with compliments or inspirational words made out of food. 

He’s already offering his shirt, just take it. It’s there to make you feel better! Totally not any other reason..

If you want to talk about it, he’s more than happy to led an ear. 

He’d also try to distract you I think. He’s always eager to spend time with you, and this is a good excuse! He’d suggest a bunch of different stuff like a museum, art show, etc.

Many museums have sculptures, and he would go for those ones specifically to show you that you’re perfect the way you are. People in the ancient times thought they were beautiful, so why aren’t you? You are. 💚

Hyugo:

He’d try to distract you from your thoughts I think, once he realizes them. He’d probably take a bit of time before he does notice though.

He’d invite you to watch movies, listen to inspirational stories, or funny tv shows with him. 

I’m a firm believer he’s all for aggressive positivity. Waving his arms in a heart shape and screaming affirmations to you. 

He’d be very protective, glaring at anyone who dares look at you the wrong way, and then turning back to you pouting about how they were interrupting. 

He would try to bake something or get you treats from a local bakery. I can imagine him putting the little treats into a cute box with ribbon. In order to get the desserts, you would have to accept some compliments 🩵

[im-just-a-bug]

Finished In Stars and Time last night and want to put down my thoughts bc that was nuts. Spoilers ahead v

Theres still much I havent seen, and ive only gotten one ending but man this game blew me away. Here are some things i loved about this game.

Timeloops are such a common plot device, a way to help the mc level up for the big bad, and the way they flipped that narrative on its head! The instant shift from "this is a gift to help me!" To "who did I think I was, how stupid," is so satisfying.

The music, at the end, terrified me. That first time Headmaiden broke down, and the music glitched and deteriorated, i realized oh. Oh fuck this is a kind of horror game isn't it. I wasnt wrong.

The changes in character art!!

The subtle things; the mirror never catches you by surprise again. Your battle sprite looks bored. You stop making silly noises at the birds.

That moment in act 3 where everything is finally going right, your companions love you and youve never felt more content, and Siffrin wins and gets to the end and they loop anyway. The way that the first time his party notices anything wrong is when he is completley and utterly heartbroken, the way they run to him. And he wakes up in the meadow, to allies that don't love him anymore. Who have no idea what hes going through. Who aren't grateful. And love didnt win the game so they go searching for answers and it makes sense but it makes everything worse.

You talk to King, and for a second you think everything might work out because stranger things have happened. And after a whole game of Bonnie being safe, Bonnie running away. Bonnie never being in any real danger. King picks them up and crushes them in front of you to 'teach you a lesson.' And the terror on Sifs face the next loop they reach the King startled me deeply, and reminded me that this game is a god damn masterpiece.

The way this game sets you up to stop caring about how you treat others, only to give you a real ending after what was essentially the WORST loop youve ever had?? Incredible. Siffrin doing everything he can to manipulate his way to the end, even if everyone hates him bc hes just so desperate. There's no point being nice, there's no point pretending in the end, bc he hopes there won't be another loop but in their heart they Know there will be, so what's the point? And he fumbles every interaction, makes every one of his friends hate his guts, and then has to fight the King alone. And then they save him anyway. They follow him and pick him up at the end (which cinematically is a God damn masterpiece all on its own God DAMN) and you figure out the whole time Siffrin was looping not bc the country fumbled a Wish, but because he didn't want his friends to go. He wanted to stay with them so badly he wished for it on accident, and the universe listened.

I haven't even gotten into how in awe I was, putting together the little puzzle pieces of Sifs backstory, of his island. Even in act 1 I was squinting my eyes. Several mentions of a whole island wiped from existence no one can remember? A protagonist with severe memory issues and no connection to or knowledge of any culture left? God I love this game.

And Loop. I didnt learn Loops story on my playthrough, but i looked into it and man. Its so incredibly neat that you have this character, this other siffrin, who went through these loops so many times they got desperate enough to make a whole NEW wish, unspecified and uncaring, just wanting something to change. Wanting help. And got shoved into our Siffrins reality instead, because wishes never work how you want them to. Finding their star room and their journal and trinkets and lore was so incredibly cool!! Though im confused why the journal says they made a cooy of themself, but their battle dialogue says they got shoved into a different reality. Idk, but it's still cool. And their anger, that someone else got their happy ending? Fucking mwah.

These characters are so complex and interesting and a day later im still in awe about it. There are so many parts of this game i havent even mentioned here that are like a punch in the face. So many little interactions, so many art shifts.

I loved this game deeply, and the only thing stopping me from playing more is guilt at taking away that ending. When a game makes u care about the characters that much, you know its a great game.

[wildflower-playground]

❤️‍🩹🧸ways to cope when age regression isn’t an option🧸❤️‍🩹

regression can be a great coping method and can be very healing to your inner child, but sometimes it just isn’t working. whether that’s because you physically can’t regress for a while, you don’t have the time or space for it, it’s activating a particular trigger, or any other reason — it’s important to remember that you always have other options!

it can be easy to feel lost if agere is your main coping skill and it’s suddenly not available or not helpful anymore, so under the cut i’ve compiled some simple de-stressing strategies to try out instead! :]

have a meal or snack and drink some water! physical needs are important :]

speaking of, use the bathroom and take a shower or bath if you need one. sometimes we don’t even notice it’s been awhile!

move your body, however you’re able to! some examples are going for a walk, dancing around to music, stretching or yoga, getting the mail from the mailbox

have a chat with a friend or family member. human interaction is good for us, even if it’s only for a few minutes!

if you’re okay with touch, go hug someone you love (human or animal hehe)

help someone else in a simple way; maybe do a chore for them, send them a little card or gift, or listen to them talk about their day for a bit. sometimes it can be a good distraction while also feeling nice to help!

do something creative! crochet, paint (even finger painting counts!), play an instrument, build something, redecorate your room, put on colorful makeup, etc

do some deep breathing exercises, and/or try a few grounding techniques

clean up a bit! i know it can be overwhelming, but even picking up just a few items or cleaning just one area can help you feel lots better.

journaling can be a good way to sort out what you’re feeling! you can just write whatever you feel like talking about, or you can look up prompts online to get you started

weighted blankets or heavier stuffed animals (or even pets!) can help with anxiety and sensory issues

pay attention to any negative sensory input and do what you can to fix it: is the room too bright or too loud? is your clothing itchy? do you need some time alone?

find some pleasant sensory input: use a scented lotion or candle you like, wrap yourself in a soft blanket, listen to your favorite music album, turn down the lights in your room, watch a sensory video you enjoy

do something to stretch your brain! work on a puzzle, read a book, or start learning a new skill you’re interested in

try something new! getting out of our comfort zone can help us to feel more alive and excited about life. bring along a loved one or a comfort item to give you courage!

do you like to pray or meditate? if you do, make some time for it and try to let yourself really relax into it!

make plans; it’s important to have things to look forward to, even if it’s just a trip to a cafe you like or a video chat with a friend

surround yourself with comforting objects (for instance, your favorite blanket and stuffed animal, a photo book of fun memories, etc!)

age dreaming can often be a fun coping method even if regression isn’t an option. try doing some of the things you’d normally want to do while small, without pressuring yourself to actually regress!

finally, ask for help! it’s always okay to reach out for help. you are not alone, and you don’t have to figure everything out by yourself!

okay, that’s all for now! please keep in mind that i’m not a mental health expert and this is by no means a complete list, but sometimes i need reminders of what else to try when regression isn’t working and so i hope it’s helpful to others in that way too! it’s totally okay if some of these things don’t work for you — take whatever’s useful and leave the rest.

don’t forget that you can always send me an ask or message if you need someone to talk to, little ones. sending you all hugs! 🫂❤️

[corrodedcoughin]

Listen. Listen. I need more swimmer Steve. I'm not a sports person but I need this. I need more jock Steve. I'm not American so forgive the details but.

One day, Steve, Robin, and Eddie all leave Hawkins together. Nancy's already gone off to take the journalism world by storm. Jon and Argyle are taking it easy, traveling, having a good time. And the kids are still in school.

Robin goes to college studying linguistics, and Steve goes with her on a swimming scholarship. Eddie doesn't know what he wants to do but he wants to be with his friends, and he doesn't want to be in Hawkins anymore. It's a plus that bigger cities have bigger metal scenes. Maybe he can convince Gareth and Jeff to come with him and see if they can really make something of Corroded Coffin.

Steve finds he actually kind of likes college. The swim team. It's different when you decide to go there willingly, with other people who also want to be there. And the swim team. He fucking loves it. He didn't realise how much he missed swimming, being on a team of actually nice fucking dudes who care about the sport. And they're good. But the kicker? So is Steve.

And he didn't really realise it until now. He knew he liked swimming, he knew his coach back in Hawkins likes him, he knew he got made co-captain. But a part of him started to wonder if people complimented him because he was popular and mean. If he got made captain because his dad was rich and influential. But here at college no one knows who King Steve is. No one can see his hair under his swim cap. He's just Steve, a good fucking swimmer.

He comes back from practice to his and Robin's apartment smelling of chlorine and his fruity shampoo, duffelbag slung over his shoulder. His wardrobe is slowly filling with more swim team shirts, hoodies, a professional track suit for meets. And so Robin and Eddie slowly steal his old Hawkins Swim Team shirts, wearing the soft worn cotton as pajamas.

Eddie isn't in college, doesn't want to be, but doesn't mind being dragged to the occasional college party. He got a job at a small hole in the wall music store, and has started up Corroded Coffin in the apartment he shares with Gareth and Jeff. (He stays over with Steve and Robin as often as he can).

Robin is acing her classes, is in Band, and has befriended a small group of other queer women. And you just know on swimming meet or competition days Robin is going to support Steve with Eddie and maybe some of her queer friends - all of them chanting Harrington. And Steve blushes, he's never really had people support him that much before. Tommy and Carol weren't the type ya know?

But now he has Robin, his best friend, love of his platonic life. He spots her wearing his old Hawkins Swim Team Captain sweatshirt with his last name on the back, cheering as loud as she can in the stands.

Next to her is Eddie, still dressed as metal as ever, smiling and laughing and happy to be there. Steve locks eyes with him and smiles when Eddie gives him a little wave, trying to ignore the swooping in his gut. He's bi, he's out, he knows what a crush feels like. He knows he's falling for Eddie but it would ruin him if he confessed to Eddie and got rejected, or they stop being friends or or or. So Steve keeps silent. But maybe he makes sure to stretch and flex his muscles when he knows Eddie's watching.

And Steve's team wins. And they keep winning. He goes to classes and studies with Robin, he goes to Corroded Coffin gigs to watch Eddie (because they're finding their feet in the local metal scene), they go to gay clubs together all 3 of them and walk home at 3am singing at the top of their lungs.

Steve swims laps alone in the dim light of the evening. And Eddie shows up. And they have their first kiss at the side of the pool, reflection of the water reflecting off their faces

Steve and his team make it to the big final competition. And he's nervous as hell. And him and his coach and the whole team agree that they're taking this fucking seriously. So they go for The Big Shave. Going full swimmer and shaving their bodies.

The three of them are all crammed into their tiny bathroom with a trimmer and a pack of razors. Steve shaves his face as normal, a tape playing faintly from the player in the living room. Next is Robin, who teaches Steve how to properly shave his armpits and his legs. Makes a lot of dumb jokes and helps him with the itching. He does a run through with the trimmer, then shaves his legs. Repeats the same with his arms and they help him with the tricky areas. They all agree its fucking weird. Last is the chest hair. The jungle. The one Eddie has been moaning about missing for a solid week. Eddie, who loves to run his fingers through the hair, rest his head on Steve's pecs as they rest in bed together. He gives Steve's chest hair a proper funeral and pretends to cry when Steve is all clean shaven. Robin is so used to Steve walking around the apartment shirtless that she keeps doing double takes whenever she sees him in the corner of her eye.

Competition day arrives, and the kids head up from Hawkins for a weekend in the big city. Chaperoned by Joyce and Hopper? Nancy and Jon and Argyle? idk? And sitting with Robin and Eddie. Steve's never had a crowd that big before. Never had people love and support him like that. He can see El and Will have crafted a sign. Lucas whoops. He knows Dustin's going to be making a joke about his bare chest and how he finally "tamed that jungle" and proceeds to try his hardest to cheer the loudest. And Eddie, his boyfriend, wearing a college swim team shirt underneath his leather jacket, following Steve with his eyes.

Steve and his team win, and he wants nothing more than to run to the stands and kiss Eddie senseless. He's missed him a lot, as Steve's training got more intense. Eddie would stay the night so they could snatch moments of time together but Steve would be awake and showering by 6am to eat and head to the gym. Kissing Eddie as he leaves, smiling fondly at Eddie's sleepy grumbles and mumbles, shuffling into the warmth of where Steve lay. But now he's here and swimming is over for the competitive season and Steve can relax. Take Eddie out on a date. Actually sleep in for once. Wake up with Eddie wrapped in his arms and then stay in bed until Eddie wakes up himself, rubbing the sleep out of his eyes and snuggling into Steve's now bare chest.

I have so much to say and no words to say it with. AAAHHHHHH!!!!!! Robin and her queer friends carving out a corner to support Steve from! Whenever there’s a home meet everyone knows not to go to ‘those’ seats because Robin and Eddie could just stare with sad hopeless helpless eyes until the intruder leaves

Eddie mourning the chest hair!!! EXACTLY!!!! He writes an ‘in memoriam’ to Steve’s chest hair, frames it and places it next to Steve’s bed. He has another framed picture but its a drawing of Steve’s hairy chest by Eddie with the quote ‘do it for her’ underneath it. Steve doesn’t know if it’s a motivational prompt for himself or for Eddie and her too scared to ask

Robin getting really into checking out the other teams and seeing what dirt she can dig up so that she can make the competition feel a little less daunting for Steve. She always cheers loudly and obnoxiously and Steve adores her for it

Eddie coming to check in on Steve late night, he’s in the pool but he should be resting, should be at home. Eddie arrived to Steve and robins place only for Robin to announce ‘your boyfriend who isn’t your boyfriend isn’t here. Tell him I’ve made pasta when you see him. Oh and that you are in love with him, thanks so much’ Robin ends the sentence with a wide eyed teeth clenching smile and Eddie walks out the door.

Eddie finds Steve, sitting on the side of the pool, goggles tossed by the edge. Steve looks up and has as good as permanent indentations around his eyes and across his nose. His chest is heaving, hair and body wet. He’s a mess, he’s also the most beautiful person eddie has ever seen and it takes all his strength not to blurt it out. Maybe not tonight, maybe not ever, not if it means he might lose Steve. Eddie doesn’t think anything is worth that.

Steve being bullied into the edge of the booth as his hawkins family take him out for dinner. His heart is full knowing the most important people in his life are here to watch him do something he genuinely enjoys. They aren’t ridiculing him, they want to know about him, they want him to know they care.

[cactikiki]

do you have any headcanons for the ggy trio?

Tysm for asking this aughhhh

I'm only gonna go over Greg in relation to the other two because Gregory alone I talk about headcanons for a lot, and he's included in the post about the 3 star fam headcanons. So yeah

I just made a separate post for my sorta headcanons for GGY specifically, which you can find here.

Greg was a really good friend before being glitchtrapped. He was during it, too, but that was Rab playing an act. He's a super sweet kid, despite everything

Greg would give Tony his own pocket money sometimes. "I get a lot of it, and you need it more than me." Tony didn't like to accept it, but Gregory is a persistent person.

Greg would always help Ellis with the arcades he wasn't very good at. "I learned this strat, actually...."

Gregory would get them both snacks and sneak them under the desks in class, the trio eating them when the teacher wasn't watching. This was especially the case if Ellis seemed less hyper in class or Tony was particularly quiet.

Gregory was extremely helpful and kind with Tony when his dad got locked up. He was there for him. Ellis is better at lightening the mood, but Gregory is good at real comfort and supportive words

They're all there for each other. Gregory fights when people pick on his friends, which is rare-ish-- they don't really get bullied-- but it still happens, and Greg gets hurt. He gets anxious. But then Ellis and Tony are there. Tony's awful attempts at comfort make Gregory laugh, while Ellis is naturally good at making people smile

The trio balances each other out perfectly, and it makes things easier in school! Sometimes, Tony needs to lighten up and see the bigger picture. Sometimes, Gregory needs to relax and take things slower. Sometimes, Ellis needs to be brought back to earth a little.

Ellis has a pretty normal life. He doesn't have any particular bad shit going on, only the losing his two besties thing in the case of canon. His home life is okay, though; he has a caring mother and a little sister he enjoys taking care of, despite her attitude sometimes-- It's small, and it's nice. His dad is usually away at work, but he finds time for his family.

Ellis has as much monty merch as he can possibly get, but he insists on winning it himself at the Plex instead of just finding it on amazon or whatever.

Tony's secret opinion on Ellis would be so heartbreaking for him. Ellis would be devastated to find Tony doesn't like his silly side. It'd drive him away, "Wow, man. Okay. I'll find new friends, you can have Greg all to yourself. Enjoy it."

If Gregory knew about it, he would side with Ellis. He'd be angry, but also try to help Tony loosen up. "Hey, you don't have to be super mature yet. You're so young. Trust me, you should enjoy being a kid before you force yourself to grow up. Being forced into growing up sucks, I promise." Tony would hate the fact that it sounds like he's talking from experience.

Tony loves music! His dad liked music, and he could play guitar, so Tony likes music and wants to learn to play. He also wants to learn piano. He learned like 2 meme songs on piano to impress people in music class and almost got detention (tryhard)

Tony listens to music mainly at the moment. He wants to learn to write songs. He doesn't wanna be a songwriter-- He's still set on investigative journalism. It's just a hobby

He'd write lemon demon type shit mixed with like uhhh. Idk. Less silly, more serious stuff. Imagine Cabinet Man, but it's about an arcade controlling a person, and it's slower and more ominous sounding (the GGY song)

He listens to songs his dad likes, often. Reminds him of him. He misses him every day, and it's a way of escaping. He usually listens to music late at night, and he thinks... just thinks.

Gregory is the one who got Tony into cheesy 80s music instead of mf. The Clash and The Cure, which his dad likes. "Should I stay or should I.... Nah. Listen to this." He hands the phone back and it's playing Material Girl

Speaking of, Gregory loves 80s music! Ellis loves hard rock and punk music. They really do reflect their glamrock faves in terms of favourite music genre!

They'd have a collab playlist that they can all add music to, and Gregory always quietly adds things he thinks are funny. Tony got 'How Bad Can I Be' blasting in his ears one day and turned to see Gregory and Ellis giggling away nearby.

Gregory adds real songs. Some really good ones. But then he also adds it's raining tacos 60 times. They played it on a speaker once, and when it's raining tacos started playing, Gregory turned it up so it blasted through the cafeteria. All 3 of them got detention

The trio definitely snuck into a show at the Pizzaplex. Yeah, two of them can afford it, but what's the fun in paying? And it's from there that Tony was obsessed with Bonnie. It's the one thing at the Plex he can't pretend he doesn't find childish

Tony has been trying to forget it. He's too old for all that. But he just loves the characters despite everything. He'd start going into how he can like the glamrocks because he researched glam rock, while Gregory and Ellis don't really care-- "Yeah I looked into Glam Rock. It's like. A part of queer history. It's important haha. and I can look into its influence. Okay? It's normal and fine and mature." And they're just like "??? Okay???"

Greg's favourite is Freddy, Tony's is Bonnie, and the duo are super close. Ellis isn't stupid. He definitely thought they were gonna end up together or something; even if they weren't gonna end up like that or anything, Ellis is a huge tease

They all tried cooking once! Tried. Tony isn't a bad cook at 14, but he's an awful, terrible cook at 12. Ellis can't cook at all, and Gregory can only bake (at age 12, also badly).

No matter what they're making, Ellis manages to make slime every time. His favourite to cook is spaghetti and the pasta is always mushy, the sauce always thick as hell with not enough meat... It's slime. Tastes nice, with the worst texture of all time. Despite that, the boys like it anyway. When Tony's sad Ellis is like right. Dude. I'm making you my slimy spaghetti surprise rn

Greg would bake them all cookies at the weekends they work on school projects! They're usually slightly too hard or too soft, but they taste okay.

Ellis helped one time and the cookies became slime. "Oh my God Greg. Who made these, Ellis?" "Uhmmmm excuse me you're doubting the master chef of the three musketeers?" "He helped."

Greg got extremely, scarily good at baking that one September before he and Tony went missing (Afton/the Mimic can really cook apparently!)

The trio has a Minecraft server, owned by Gregory. Tony builds actual houses and stores, Ellis builds really huge complex things like farms and redstone contraptions + traps, and Gregory builds sometimes like Tony, but is shockingly good at it. He builds megabases. But he also starts a million things he never finishes, accidentally breaks things, causes chaos (usually along with Ellis), buries Tony or moves him while he's AFK, and /kills everything.

Ellis and Gregory built a dangerous labyrinth, and Greg teleported Tony to the centre of it. He's in spectator mode with Ellis, watching Tony struggle and constantly respawn in the maze while he complains. "MF GIVE BACK MY CREATIVE PERMS???" "Seek the exit, and your desires will be met." (leaves vc)

If Tony ever gets genuinely annoyed by their antics, Greg usually builds him something as an apology because he feels really bad about it.

And uhh that's all for now! I could probably come up with more eventually, but these ones have been on my mind abkshduhdjd

Thanks for the ask!

[faerytreealtars]

⋆.ೃ࿔*:･ “Less Work, More Play” ~ Ways to connect to your inner child ⋆.ೃ࿔*:･

Hello again, my dear Saplings! 🌱 I am back once again with another new PAC today that I hope you enjoy, take a deep breath, and choose whatever images resonate with your soul and heart, Happy reading! ˚ʚ♡ɞ˚

  Being connected to our child-like energy does not mean to behave like a tantruming two-year old or to act naively in situations where you know it is necessary to have a sensible and mature head on your shoulders, no to connect with the child within us in a healthy way we should embrace wonder, never fear trying out new things and remember its okay to be silly and fun now and again, don’t be afraid to laugh at yourself and never mind the unneeded judgements of others. If they refuse to look after the child within in and feel uncomfortable to see yours thriving that's a them problem!

I would love to hear if the message you received resonated with you, so don’t feel afraid to comment, for it makes me so happy to connect with you all! 💕  

Song: Lost Boy - Ruth B.

Faery-Tale: Puss in Boots ~ “Perhaps the greatest gift that can be left to you is something you already have within”

[ My Instagram ♡ / Personal Readings ♤ /  Faery Masterlist ☆  ]  

Pile 1

[Cards: Ace of Cups, Eight of Swords, The Chariot & King of Swords]

Ways you can reconnect with your inner child include slowing down in life, instead of rushing from one goalpost to another try to appreciate the journey. Collect memories physically & mentally - make an album of photographs from both adventures and ordinary life and fill it with pictures of those dear to you too. Listen & dance to music from your youth or even scrapbook/Journal about your days if you're feeling creative. Don't become another victim of the belief that once you've reached a certain age all fun must die only to be replaced with responsibilities and strict rules! Keep dreaming, keep playing, and keep growing!

Oracle: Benedicta

Don't be afraid to step outside your comfort zones, No one ever grew in stagnation - Just like a plant in a pot too small for its roots your run the danger of wilting. Be daring, be bold, and most importantly true to your soul!

Pile 2

[Cards: Four of Pentacles, Knight of Cups, Three of Pentacles & Four of Swords]

To connect more with your inner child within you I suggest some much-needed TLC & self-care. treat yourself, you deserve it! Think to yourself if your child's self suddenly appeared in your life and you were entrusted to care for them. How would you treat them? Perhaps you would give them all the nice things they were refused in life. Now is your chance to do just that. Another message I'm hearing is to not burden yourself with all the decisions if you run a business or are in a partnership/Marriage Lean on those around you (spouse/Work Colleagues) to carry some of the load it isn't your responsibility to carry it all - You don't need to feel alone.

Oracle: Rubi

Make time for your friends and family don't feel afraid that you might be missing out on work, or some other important chore on your to-do list, it won't end your world to slow down and appreciate all you've got. Wouldn't you rather make fun and exciting memories with those dearest to your heart rather than worry and stress yourself out over work? The decision is ultimately in your hands.

Pile 3

[Cards: Five of Wands, The Star, Ten of Pentacles & Nine of Swords]

The way you connect to your inner child within you may include singing along to your favourite tunes, but I'm also hearing a message to avoid conflict - don't go into situations heated and looking for arguments & if it is others not accepting you don't want to engage cut them off and take some time away from them for your own sanity. I would also advise against scrolling through social media or constantly watching content full of bad news or toxic drama. Please don't compare your life to perfect pictures online this is making you lose faith in yourself and your dreams. You're quite wonderful as you are and your inner child says they wouldn't change a thing! after all, no one but Mary Poppins can be perfect!

Oracle: Sir Norval & Elliot

Perhaps you are over due for an adventure somewhere quiet & far away from the noise and distraction of modern life. Somewhere that you can reconnect with nature and the joys of the simple every day. Put down your devices and go out there the next chance you get to fulfill the curiosity of your soul!

I hope the message you received from the child within was joyful and uplifting to you! Make sure to embrace each day with wonder and joy as that is how you can help begin the first steps to inner-child connection! For magic truly is everywhere is just depends on how you choose to view things.

-Love, Fae🔮🧚🏻‍♀

[crystallizedkingdoms]

The Twins pt. 1

Can a twin be forged, not birthed? Johann and Kravitz meet in a practice room. A spark lights a flame.

wc: 4,822

The Birds for this fic are: Johann & Kravitz (Twins), Sloane (Lover), Hurley (Protector), Maureen (Lonely Journal Keeper), Keats (Peacemaker), Boyland (Wordless One)

day 1 of @johann-appreciation-week! this can also be read on ao3. art by @avijohann

“Thank you for your attention, guy-at-the-door.”

The man peeking into the practice room tries to shrink back from Johann’s gaze, but upon a brief pause, simply sighs instead. He pushes past the heavy door, and it’s now that Johann can see the man in full. He’s tall, with long, black locs pulled into a loose bun. His dark eyes scan the scenery: Johann, sitting alone in the practice room, still holding his violin in position. 

Johann doesn’t move from his position as the man awkwardly stands in front of the entrance now. “You know, it’s rude to stare and not even applaud after a performance,” he jokes, tone flat and sarcastic as it usually is.

“Oh, um. Sorry?” the man says. He starts to clap, but it’s really quiet and just a touch too slow, so it’s kind of worse than the silence.

Johann scrunches up his nose and shakes his head. “No, no. I was kidding,” he says as he lets his violin and its bow rest in his hands. “Who are you?”

The man drops his hands by his sides, and Johann recognizes a distinct fidget his fingers do. “The name’s Kravitz. I heard you playing on my way out of here and I couldn’t help but listen in. Apologies if I disrupted you, really, I can be on my way,” he says. His attention darts towards the door, but eventually it settles back down on Johann.

“Oh, come on, man. I’m not going to kick out a fan. Ha ha. That was a joke, too,” Johann reassures. He puts his violin into its case, which rests on a nearby chair. “Kravitz. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too… uh…”

Right. Duh. “Oh. Johann. The name’s Johann.”

“Great to put a name to the musician,” Kravitz muses. “Really, what marvellous stuff. Easily the best out of what I was hearing down the hall. I suppose you are studying music, then?” He walks closer to Johann as he speaks, and that fidgeting stops when he stands almost right in front of Johann.

“Yup. Got that one down pretty quick.” Johann looks Kravitz up and down without even trying to disguise that fact. “You seem to have a good ear for music yourself. Are you also majoring in music? I don’t think I have ever seen you around here before,” he says. 

“Ah. Well, no, I am not. My friend Keats has siblings who perform here occasionally, so I just came from attending a session with them,” Kravitz quickly clears up. He sits down on the chair next to Johann that doesn’t have his violin. He’s smiling now, with that awfully tense expression finally seeming to ebb away. “I’m planning to go into astrophysics, you see. Hopefully even break in on some of that budding planar research field.”

Johann blinks. Like, he blinks really slow. “Astrophysics? You?”

“What is that supposed to mean?!” Kravitz asked with a defensive voice that has certainly been used far too often. “We just met. You don’t know me at all.”

Johann looks over Kravitz again. They wear somewhat similar clothing, with too many layers and a lot of accessories. Whereas Johann’s clothing is much more colourful, almost comically so, Kravitz’s layers are all an incredible black. His accessories, focused on skulls and space alike, are the only thing on him that betray any colour. “You look like you could fit right in my friend group. That’s all.”

“And you’re not friends with any astrophysics enthusiasts.”

Johann shrugs. “Not currently. It’s only my second year here.”

Kravitz shakes his head and laughs under his breath. “It’s not like astrophysics enthusiasts have a look,” he insists. “I look like an astrophysicist because I am one. Got that, Johann?”

“You aren’t one. Yet. Unless you’re somehow my senior?”

“…Caught me there, I’m afraid. This is just my first year.”

“Oh, a new guy. How cute. How’s it been so far?”

Kravitz starts to bite his cheek. “It’s been… Well, I’m sure you must know it’s not the easiest thing in the world,” he says. He crosses his legs and scratches his neck. “But I have been enjoying it so far. Really. Wow. What a nice place. And I certainly haven’t been struggling, hah, I’ve been doing pretty well since I’ve got here.”

“You’re just a bit lonely,” Johann frowns.

“Yes, exactly, you get it— Wait. No. Absolutely not. How did you know?”

Johann looks at Kravitz and their gaze makes contact. They hold it for a bit, looking into their eyes for some kind of… understanding? Johann feels the search going on between them and he breaks it far too soon. “I just know. It’s not a unique feeling or anything. Many students go through that,” he mutters under his breath. “You’re not the first person on this planet to be lonely, Kravitz.”

Though Johann is not staring back at Kravitz’s face, he gets the feeling that glance-away is not reciprocated on Kravitz’s part. “Right. Of course. Forgive my wallowing,” he apologies.

“No, that’s not what I meant. That’s supposed to be a comfort, not a judgment.”

“You’re awfully adept at comforting people.”

“Comforting strangers.”

Kravitz clicks his tongue loud enough to echo across the room, which is weird, since it’s not a huge or empty room. “We don’t have to be strangers,” he says.

Johann can’t help but let out a huff out of his nose. A simple laugh. “Do you make all your friends like that?” he asks. “Or are you just particularly good with me?”

“Mix of both, I think. I’m not terrible at meeting people, but this feels… I don’t know. Easy?”

That comment makes Johann’s eyes widen. Me? Easy? he thinks to himself in awe. “That’s… wow. I usually hear the opposite,” he confesses. His hands fidget with the cuffs of his sleeves, though part of him wonders if this sudden fidgeting is going to make Kravitz rethink those words. The other part of him, the one he wears in front of Kravitz right now, says no, come on, just give it a chance.

“I’m not sure how to put it into words. You just seem familiar to me.” Kravitz’s gaze leaves Johann’s face (finally, Johann breathes a sigh of relief) and moves down to the violin on the other chair. “We have similar interests, even if we’re not in the same program. And you’re a breath of fresh air compared to my pal Keats’s group, if I must be totally honest.”

Johann looks back at Kravitz, and he sees that he’s still looking at the violin, a soft grin on his face. One look at that face, how he studies the violin with such silent admiration, and Johann gets it. “Hm. Fine, you win,” he throws up his hands in the air as if he’s been defeated. “Only because you seem cool. You can come see me around this room at this same time. It’s practically my dorm at this point.”

Kravitz shifts in his seat and straightens out his back when Johann says that. “Oh, uh, okay. Sounds great. How about a number, too? Just, you know, to keep in touch,” he offers.

“I don’t like giving my phone number out to people I just met,” Johann says. “What’s my violin made out of?”

“What an insane question. Why do you ask?”

“You’ve been staring at it. That means it caught your attention. You look like you’re big on musical instruments and what makes them look good. So, tell me, what’s my violin made of?”

“Well, that’s obvious. It’s rosewood. Real rosewood, not mahogany marketed as rosewood. Couldn’t stick with just ebony, huh?” Kravitz says. That last part sounds almost like a tease. Someone’s getting comfortable, Johann notes to himself. Good.

“Okay, you win. Again. I’ll give you my number.”

“That was a test? Seriously?” Kravitz asks. He has a baffled expression, eyebrows knitted together paired with a terribly awkward smile. Johann’s never been too great at reading people’s individual emotions— crowds are far easier to understand when you’re a musician— but he picks out something he can’t help but get excited over: amusement.

Johann almost forgets to answer Kravitz, but he eventually comes to his senses. “Oh. Uh, yeah. It was a test. Just wanted to know my number was in good hands with good taste,” he admits.

Kravitz rolls his eyes. “Johann, you…” he starts, then starts digging into one of his pockets to pull out his phone, “you are very intriguing, I have to give you that.”

“Yeah, I’ve been told. Now, my number is…”

The two exchange their phone numbers with smiles on their faces. For the first time in a long while, Johann leaves the social interaction thinking hey, that actually went pretty well.

—

“So you’re, like, actually chill with death?”

Johann is draped on Kravitz’s dorm bed, his drink nearly empty as it balances between his fingers. The question shocks Kravitz; they’ve known each other for over a year now. Did drinking somehow make Johann an even sadder man than he already is?

“Why the sudden question?” Kravitz asks. His own drink is nearing its end as well, though he holds onto his glass in a safer way than Johann.

“All the skulls. And bones,” Johann sighs. “On your clothes, around your room. It always struck out to me, duh, but right now they just seem… I don’t know. More noticeable. And it’s—” Johann hiccups hard and loud, and Kravitz snorts, “it’s got me thinking. You are really chill with having all this stuff. Why?”

Kravitz thinks over Johann’s words. He tries not to fill the moment with silence, instead opting to tap his fingers along his glass. “Why not?” he eventually lands on. “Death is a fact of life. We’re all heading towards it. I don’t see what’s so special about that.”

Johann does not extend the same courtesy. He lays in silence, his eyes fixated on the dorm room ceiling. Kravitz can practically feel the rustle of his sleeve, that little nervous tic Johann has when he’s thinking about something hard. Kravitz taps his glass faster to make up for it. You really ought to voice your thoughts as they are happening, you know, Kravitz thinks, but he doesn’t actually tell Johann that. He just keeps tapping.

“You just seem to… I don’t know. Like it?” Johann mutters. There’s a strange tone in his voice that Kravitz cannot recall ever hearing from him. Is it… bitterness? “You cover yourself with it. Death cloaks you. How can you enjoy it? How do you let it define you like this?”

Kravitz narrows his eyes at Johann up on his bed. The floor suddenly feels a lot colder than before. “Is that such a bad thing? You love music. You love to let it define you. Why can’t I have something similar?” he asks.

Johann groans and dexterously takes a sip of his drink while laying down, miraculously not spilling anything. “See, that’s the thing. I study music. I’ve lived my whole life around it and I am now studying it. It’s who I am. You like music, but that’s not what you study. You study astrophysics bullshit, but you don’t seem to really… care? At least not in the way you like music. Absolutely not in the way you enthuse about all… this,” Johann makes a big grand gesture at Kravitz’s dorm. Bleached skulls and bones blend to Kravitz, but oh, how they stare at Johann.

Kravitz opens his mouth to speak some answer, but Johann interrupts. He sighs, “I guess I don’t really get it because we’re so similar. We have a lot of things in common. I still think about how we met. You seemed just like me— you got me. You liked my music, you talked like me, you knew the same things I knew. And over this past year you’ve visited me in the practice room every day. You made me talk to Keats and the twins, you helped me make friends of my own, but they don’t act like you do. Like we do.

“But then you have this. You’re so happy with death. You’ve talked about how it’s fascinated you and how this taxidermy stuff has been a hobby and it makes your eyes light up in ways that only music seems to rival. It’s a big part of you and your life and what makes you you and not me and it makes me look fucking stupid because I— I’m scared of death, I-I hate—”

Kravitz stands up from his floor and stumbles over to Johann in a hurry. “Hey, Johann, you’re freaking out. Come on, you really don’t have to talk about this if it makes you feel this way,” he tries to comfort his friend. He looks down at Johann and his heart twists when he sees tears swelling in the corner of his wide, fearful eyes. It happens so quickly that Kravitz does not know what to do when he sees Johann like this.

“No, stop, don’t. I’m fine, this happens,” Johann reassures. He wipes the coming tears off of his eyes and sits up on the bed. He doesn’t forget to place the now-empty glass on the nightstand beside the bed. “This topic puts me in… a mood. And the drinks don’t help. Forget it.”

Kravitz looks down at Johann and lets out a quiet hum. “No, I don’t think I’ll forget it. If we want to be close, sad, drunk conversations are the way to do it, no?” he asks. He doesn’t wait for Johann’s response before he sits right beside Johann on his bed. “You want to know what I think about what you said?”

“I don’t know.”

“Well, you’re going to hear it. Tough luck,” Kravitz says. Johann rolls his eyes. “Look. We are similar. We’re friends. You were there for me in my first year when I only had Keats and his siblings. We share a lot of stuff, that is true. And I cherish that, truly. But that doesn’t mean we are the same. You are right, we have differences that keep me being me and you being you. That includes my… fascination, let’s call it that. That also includes how I decide to spend my life, what I focus on in my studies, and what I want to pursue in the future.

“Music is my hobby. My fascination is just that. Neither of those things, though they bring such joy to my life, and even if I had considered going into one of them as a career, just… can’t be what I do. I can’t put my life into music. And that’s what I find utterly fascinating about you, Johann. How you can go into a career so incredibly vast and expanding, yet with so little success in general. That is commendable, it truly is. But that is not something I can do, unfortunately. I could never be a bard.”

Johann eyes Kravitz up and down, and Kravitz instinctively does the same. It’s hard to look at Johann when he’s like this, when he’s sadder than usual and looking so defeated. When he doesn’t say, Kravitz sighs and scratches the back of his neck. “I enjoy what we have. I cherish the fact that we’re friends. We don’t have to be the same person to be friends. I think that’s how it usually goes, actually. Isn’t that wonderful?”

Johann answers faster than he has been answering in his drunken stupor, saying, “Yeah. Yeah, man, it is. Thanks, Krav.” His eyes move down to look at his own lap instead, a sheepish expression on his face. The tears don’t seem to be swelling as much, but a few drops fall down his cheek. Johann wipes it away as soon as he feels them get closer to his jaw. “Can I ask something, though?”

“Of course.”

“What do you think happens after we die?”

“Like… the astral plane or—”

“I mean… not really. I mean this world. Us. Who we were. Is it all just… gone?”

The question leaves Kravitz shifting in his bed. The question itself is not uncomfortable— he’s grappled with it many times, of course he has his answer remembered like the back of his hand— but what unnerves him is the pain in Johann’s voice. It is quiet in a way that Kravitz hates hearing from Johann, a soft tone that feels far too cynical even for him. 

But Kravitz is not one to lie, even now. “I think that depends on what we did in life,” he says. “The greats have a legacy. History is shaped by them. The rest of us are certainly not unimportant, our families may know us for many generations. But, you know. It’s kind of undeniable that most of us will slip through the cracks of time.”

“I really cannot bear the thought of that happening to me,” Johann says. “I know how that sounds. But I don’t care. The thought of it, it…”

“Then don’t bear it,” Kravitz insists. Johann looks up at him, a look of shock etched into his face, with an underlying exhaustion just underneath the surface. “You don’t have to bear it, Johann.”

The intriguing musician who had a fascinating way of introducing himself is no longer in front of Kravitz. What Kravitz sees instead is a small, terrified half-elf with tired brown eyes and a fidgeting hand. His question, blunt as always, staked its claim on Kravitz’s heart. It would seem that his answer has done the same to Johann. “…Thanks,” Johann whispers. It is meek, but Kravitz knows how genuine it is.

For the first time in a long while, Kravitz looks down at someone and thinks, I’m glad he’s with me.

—

“I’m not a fucking scientist. Why do you want me to join the Institute?” Johann asks. He’s surprised by the offense  in his own words, but he does not do anything to pretend it isn’t there.

“The Institute of Planar Research and Exploration isn’t just scientists, you know?” Kravitz explains. His voice is delicate in trying to help Johann understand his proposal, awkwardly glancing side-to-side in the café they sit in. “They’ve accepted wizards since forever. And they recently started creating opportunities for sorcerers and bards to join their retinue. You were the best bard in your graduating class, one of the best in our school’s history. I’m sure they would love to have you on.”

Johann laughs openly, a sound that only Kravitz has had the privilege to hear. Even after their respective graduations, the two of them have remained inseparable over the years. In fact, even closer than ever: they live together in one apartment, they eat together, they play games, and they support one another. And, apparently, they help each other find jobs that are wildly out of their league.

“Wow, how inclusive,” Johann says, sarcasm dripping off his tongue. “I get to be the bard diversity hire. That doesn’t know shit about space-fuck. Awesome.”

“Come on, Johann, don’t be a loser.”

“I’m not being a loser! I just didn’t study planar physics. I didn’t even study astrophysics. I don’t even think I can do math anymore.”

“Don’t say that.”

“I had to count on my fingers while I paid for this stupid fucking coffee.”

“Okay, well,” Kravitz fails to hold in his laugh, and it shoots out of him so quickly that Johann can’t whine about it before he continues, “That doesn’t matter. You can cast a mean spell, Johann. You can command an audience that no one in that building could probably even come close to. I really think you can do well in that place, even if it’s not any scientific research.”

Johann shrugs his shoulders and looks off to the window of the café they sit in. “I don’t not believe you. I’m sure you nerds need a bard in your life,” he says. Indifference may be the word that most people would identify in Johann’s tone, but Kravitz feels something a little deeper than that. “I am just… not very sure why you are coming to me about it.”

Kravitz swallows his drink thickly. He hesitates too long to say anything, and Johann notices that hesitance immediately. “It’s a good opportunity for you,” Kravitz starts. “It’s a very prestigious organization as you know. They are making hounds in the realm of science and magic, they create wonders that better our world. I am forever grateful that I have just been accepted into such an institute and I was just thinking that someone of your talent would want to be in such a—”

“Oh,” Johann interrupts. “You want me to go with you. So you’re not alone.”

Heat floods Kravitz’s face in an instant, until he feels it trickling down his neck and down to his shoulders. He does not dignify Johann’s observation with a response, but that’s about all Johann needs from Kravitz nowadays. For as difficult as it may be for Johann to tell what most people think and feel around him, he’s gotten Kravitz pinned like no other. “Krav. Why?”

“Johann, you know why.”

Of course Johann knows why. He knows it like the fidget in his hand, the scratch of his neck, the death in Kravitz’s former dorm room, the rosewood violin. Oh, how he knows.

“…Yeah. I know.”

The two of them do not look at each other for a while. They sit in silence, sipping on their drinks, eating their snacks. Johann’s heart pounds in his chest; Kravitz’s throat feels incredibly dry. Though neither of them speak, their bodies sing songs of their thoughts, anxieties that they can pick up. 

Eventually, it gets too much for Kravitz. “We work well together,” he says. “Even though we studied very different things, when we studied together it was wonderful. And I love living with you, you’re a good roommate. You’re a wonderful friend.”

Johann bites his lip. He’s trying to stop himself from seething and it only barely works. “That doesn’t change just because we go into different jobs.”

“But doesn’t it?” Kravitz asks. It’s a desperate plea more than a genuine or even rhetorical question. “This will take up a lot of my time. Any job you get, an orchestra you join, a school you teach at, or— gods, if you ever make it big and start doing solo gigs…” A breath gets caught in Kravitz’s throat and Johann wonders if he’s actually going to cry in public. “Johann, you’ll be gone. You’ll go travelling. And when you’re here, I’ll be at the institute. We won’t have nearly as much time as we currently do now.”

“I always thought you would be with me if I did that,” Johann says. It’s his turn to get emotional, with his stiff movements and his cracking voice. Gods, oh gods, why did we have to bring this up now? he thinks to himself.

“I still want to. That isn’t impossible. I…” Kravitz rubs his face in exhaustion, and an attempt to buy himself time to form his sentence. “We can do something like that in the Institute, I am sure. That organization is about the biggest stage you can get in the world right now. All of the public eye has been on it ever since we’ve started finding other planets within our plane. I am sure, I am so sure, that by working there you can have access to the world’s greatest orchestras and stages.”

Kravitz reaches a hand over to Johann’s, who lets him. “And I will be there for you the whole way,” he says. It is soft, but it is earnest.

Johann sucks in a shaky breath. “Tell me it won’t all go wrong,” he pleads.

“What?”

“That this won’t lead me down towards nothing. That I will actually, truly, still have a chance at doing what I want to do. That I am not doing this just for you.” 

“I promise,” Kravitz grins, “it won’t all go wrong. You’re not doing this just for me.”

I would still do this just for you, rings in the back of Johann’s mind. 

—

“I never expected to be on a giant planar ship, you know.”

Johann’s words ring between him and Kravitz as they ready themselves into their bright red robes. He, Kravitz and Keats were all preparing for the expedition of a lifetime: two months beyond their own plane of existence. The other hand picked crewmates, Dr. Maureen Miller, Sloane, Hurley, and Captain Boyland were all preparing as well for their grand exit on the other side of the room.

“Isn’t that great?” Kravitz beams. “First bard on an IPRE mission. That journalist for The Rolling Gemstones was very interested in hearing any music that would be inspired by your travels. Now, aren’t you lucky you were picked?”

“It was less that he was picked and more that you insisted you wouldn’t go at all if he didn’t come,” Keats clarifies. Kravitz shoots a glare of daggers at Keats’ comment, and he promptly shies away and shuts up the moment he sees those eyes of death on him.

Johann notices and kicks Kravitz in the ankle, resulting in a silently ‘ow!’ “He’s not wrong, so, be nice,” Johann says. The robe drapes along his shoulders perfectly, and when he flips the hood over his feathered cap, he realizes it is the perfect width and length to allow it to encapsulate his headwear without crumpling it. He looks at Kravitz and Keats and flips the cape of the robe dramatically. “Whaddya think?” he asks in his monotonous tone.

Keats starts, “You look—”

“Stupid,” Kravitz ends.

“Kravitz!”

“He knows what I mean.”

Johann nods and flips his hood back off. “Yeah, I know. He means I look cool in the bard way, which is stupid in the nerd way,” he explains to Keats. “So, I look nice. Got it. You know, red really isn’t my colour, man, but I am kind of rocking it.”

Sloane butts in on the conversation. “You can say that again,” she muses as she tugs on the IPRE patch on her left breast. Her red jacket contrasts against her otherwise black outfit. “All ready, you three? We gotta strap in in a few minutes. This ain’t a fashion show.”

“We’re ready,” the three men chime. At their response, Sloane’s eyes sweep across them and does not comment on their half-dressedness. Then, she walks away with the fully dressed Hurley and Boyland. Maureen, the most accomplished and experienced person on the team behind the Captain, watches Kravitz and Keats hurry getting into their uniforms before she finally leaves.

Kravitz pulls on Johann’s sleeve before he can leave. “Johann?” he asks.

“Yes, Kravitz?”

“I’ve always wanted to be a conductor.”

The confession catches Johann off guard. “What?”

“I never told you what I wanted to pursue in music, back when you asked, when we first met,” Kravitz says. His eyes are locked onto Johann’s and he can’t afford to look away. “There’s something about… bringing people together. Keeping people in time. Being a messenger? Something about it feels right. It feels orderly.”

“…Okay?”

“This is the expedition of a lifetime. I have been waiting for something like this for… a long time. And my job on this ship is not unlike being a conductor,” Kravitz says. Johann notices how frantic his voice sounds, but before he can open his mouth to comfort Kravitz, he gets shut down, “I guess I just wanted you to know that before we leave. Because really, I couldn’t have done this without you. I hope you understand that.”

Johann holds onto the hand on his sleeve. His touch is gentle, caressing Kravitz’s hand with a fiery love and affection. “I do,” he whispers. “Of course I do. I couldn’t have been here without you, too. We have that in common, don’t we?” Johann chokes up after that last sentence, but it’s with a proud smile that’s so infectious it makes its way onto Kravitz’s lips as well. “You’re my best friend, Krav.”

“Sometimes I see you as a brother, weirdly enough.”

Johann rolls his eyes. How many times have the two of them done that to each other? “We’re nothing like siblings,” he lies through his teeth. As if he hasn’t had that thought before. “You only say that because you were an only child, idiot.”

“So were you, stupid.”

They laugh. Johann and Kravitz, two people that most would swear were insufferably hard to connect with, difficult to understand emotionally, laugh with each other until they inevitably are pulled away and ushered into the Starblaster. Their home for the next few months. A violinist and a conductor, a bard of lore and a researcher of space, the two stare outside the window of the Starblaster, hand in hand. Waving at the people below— strangers, friends, even family as Keats waves down his two older siblings— and they feel excitement.

The violinist and the conductor think of music as they leave their world. 

[tiiddies]

Things To Do Instead of Rotting on Your Bed.

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Stop Procrastinating: Do What You Should've Done.

Yes, procrastination. Hey, I know, dear. I know, some of you has been postponed your ‘To Do List’ by now. Especially when it already came to Weekends or Holiday time. People tends to rest and replenish their energy after a long-long-long day to survive a day to another day. But it's not a reason for you to stop the procrastinating cycle! Procrastination stops you to grow furthermore, if you want to be the #ITGIRL you’ve been aspire to. You need to stay on track and be discipline to yourself. Self-discipline is also a form of a self-love. Now get your ass off from the bed and crossed check all of those lists!

Cook Something for Yourself or Others: Show Some Love!

Cooking could be an amusing activity. Regardless due to how fun it is, cooking could be an alternate move for you to relish stress either! Especially when we already talking with hobbies. The process of making the dish, efforts which has been pleaded by our bare hands, yet the triumph joy whenever you finished whole recipe and the result is forthcoming your expectation are the art of cooking itself. There are so many ways to make cooking as one as enjoyable activity to do! Whether you can cook with someone else, or you could have a time for yourself listening to relaxing music while cooking something scrumptious! Yum!

Outside Journaling: Pure Inspirations Through The World’s Window.

“Seriously? Journaling at Outside?”

Yups! You didn't mistaken me. Journaling outside could be exhilarating yet challenging at the same time. You could gain a new inspiration from surroundings. Inspirations are limitless, you could always acquired a brand new inspiration from anything. It just need a little ‘stimulus’, we might say. Things that you shall write on your journal:

The surrounding’s ambience (inc. smell, vibes, weather)

Things you’ve seen on your way to gets there

Your perception towards a certain thing you've seen

(It’s an adds on) Doodles or drawings of things nearest to you

Self-Care: Pay attention more to yourself!

Hair care, facial care, body care, yet health care, all of that are a necessity. Love yourself to the most, love yourself to the fullest. One of the form of self-love is listening to what your body needs, from the field of appearance which people sees yet to the innermost part of our body. A fun thing about self-care is we could taking care of ourselves, yet embracing our insecurities at the same time. We could realise that our insecurities also worth to be loved equally. And it's gradually become something usual to love the whole of yourself instead of a certain part of your body. Cause why do we need to fussing about ourself, when we could embracing it instead?

Wandering Around The Town: It’s not always a bad idea, no?

Aimlessly walking through the town. Yes, without any certain destination where you gonna go.

“Why would you ever do that?”

It does seems silly from how we might seen it at the first place, but I swear it's fun! You can always have a quiet me-time on the park, watching the birds flew away after getting theirself enough food or even socialise more with people around and get yourself some new acquaintances! The most interesting part of this is we never know what kind of occurrence might encountered us. We never know when we suddenly bump into a tiny cafe on the street, and you ate the best meal for the whole day. We never know if you found an unknown artist on the street and you’ve blessed your ears for the whole day. We never know you will get a nice companion, such as birds around you, cats, dogs, etc. Even though you don't socialise with anyone that day.

(!). But sometimes, wandering around the town alone was risky. Especially at night, so I highly suggest you to do this activity when the sun still shines. Or if you need to, you can always bring a companion to accompany you strolling around the town! (your friends, bf, grandparents, perhaps)

Guess that's all for some ‘Ideas To Do Instead Rotting on Your Bed’ in my version! I hope it might help your frustration. Remember inspirations are limitless, so you can always modifies this ideas in your own way! So you could enjoy your free-time to the fullest. Always spreads positivity and shares happiness to your surroundings! <3

Sincerely,

BHW, Xx.

[fanficwritersworld]

Fatal Love

Summary: The real reason Nora is working with Thawne. based on episode 18 of season 5

Pairing: Nora West-Allen x Ramon!Reader

Requested: by @neothegayturtle Hope you like it, went a little off sorry.

Word Count: 2.4k

Warnings: blood, metions of death and dying, barry allen salt

A/N: i kinda wanted to write more but didn't want to get carried away. if anyone wants a part two let me know

Masterlist|Prompt List

Team Flash were quick to open Nora’s journal. While the writing was unreadable to them without the quantum computer. But Barry had seen glimpses of the English written notes and pictures. That’s when they saw one picture in particular. It was a girl they had never seen before. She was smiling brightly as she held up a degree in her hands.

Nora sat in the cell, her sobs echoing around her and she curled into a ball in the corner of the cell. She failed. She failed to stop him and now her father hates her. If only he knew the real reason behind her forced alliance with his worse enemy. If only she had told him about her. About (Y/N) (L/N).

“Has Nora ever mentioned a (Y/N) (L/N)?” Iris questioned, not remembering the name. “No, anything in her journal?” Barry asked, looking up at Cisco. The man search through the entries, and almost every one of them mentioned her” Cisco looked in shock. “What’s so special about this (Y/N) kid?” Ralph asked out loud. Sherloque pulled up a specific entry that he thought Team Flash might need to hear. “It started with music…”

2039 - Central City

Eighteen-year-old Nora walked into her senior prom. She wore a simple lilac dress to her knees with some white gold accents. Her hair was curled as she wandered around. It was normal enough in the future to go to prom alone, Nora slightly wished she didn’t go at all.

She sat by the stage, listening to the band that her school had hired. Even in this decade, real music done by people was very appreciated after the whole A.I fiasco in the 2020s. “West-Allen, what’s got you so blue?” a voice called out from behind her. 

(Y/N) (L/N)

She was Nora’s science partner that year. They didn’t talk much but Nora kinda wished she did. You weren’t wearing any formal wear, just your favourite outfit and a nice jacket. You held a guitar as you decided to sit next to Nora. “I hate these things. I’ve been going to the Policemen Balls since I was a kid so I never really looked forward to these things” Nora explained, shrugging her shoulders. “Well… Nora West-Allen, wanna join me on stage?” You asked very fancily.

Nora rolled her eyes. “I don’t play or sing” She told you. “I’ve seen you listen to music West-Allen, drumming your fingers to the beat as you use everything around you like a drumkit” You told her, pulling her up to stand next to you. Nora blushed at your observation. “I haven’t played in years” Nora tried to lie her way out only for you to put a pair of drumsticks in her hands.

“Come one pretty girl, your playing with me” You told her before dragging her onto the stage.

2019

“So (Y/N) was Nora’s girlfriend” Caitlin spoke, reading the rest of the entry. Everyone was shocked, why hadn’t Nora said anything? That’s when a breach opened up in the middle of the cortex. Stepping out from it was…you. “I still am, where is Nora?” You asked, glaring at Barry. “Look, (Y/N) Nora is-” Barry started to explain before you put your hand up to stop him. “Working with Thawne, yeah I know” You finished, not wanting to deal with your girl’s paranoid father. “She’s doing it for me. Thawne is the only one who could help Nora time travel to help me” You told him, yanking the journal you gifted Nora from his clutches. “Why? What happened to you?” Cisco asked you.

“My powers… I was corrupted by the dagger. Nora’s trying to destroy it so save me” You explained to them, only for Barry to scoff at your problem. “How do we know you’re not the one that put Thawne in Nora’s head” He questions you, walking up to you with his arms crossed. “‘Cause I’m like Nora…a kid from Team Flash. (L/N) is my birth mother’s name. My full name is (Y/N) (L/N)- Ramon, daughter of Vibe” You told him, turning a pin on your jacket. With pixelated cubes, your outfit reveals a more feminine version of Cisco’s suit with his goggles placed on top of your head.

“And it’s time you see the real story” You told them all. Raising your hands above your head, you released a dark (F/C) breach wave before slamming it onto the ground. Everyone's eyes began to glow (F/C).

2049

Nora and her best friend Lia sat at their desk in CCPD’s CSI Lab. You walk in with two big bags of Belly Burger. “I brought the food now spill. What requires my expertise” You smiled, kissing Nora’s cheek and you put the food on the table. “Someone’s stealing chemicals” Nora explained, handing you the police report. “Your girlfriend thinks it was a speedster” Lia snickered, making Nora stick her tongue out.

You gave your girlfriend a ‘really’ look as you closed the file. “I remember some of these chemicals from one of my Papa’s old cases, I’ll ask Joe if I can get access” You told her, seeing Nora looking at her board with her mom’s most famous article. ‘FLASH VANISHES IN CRISIS’ and the last case her father ever had and failed to solve…‘WHO IS CICADA'

“Hey pretty, how about we get those files together?” You offered, placing your head on her shoulder. Nora nodded with a soft smile before bidding Lia farewell. You and Nora walked into the old storage room, searching for the files from 2016. “So how’s Mama Iris?” You asked Nora, closing another drawer. “God, she’s coming back from Keystone tonight. Seemed nervous on the phone though” Nora answered, flipping through the files. 

“You know speedsters haven’t been around since the Flash disappeared right?” You changed the conversation. Nora looked at you with a slightly annoyed face. “(N/N), I know it’s weird that I want to find out who Cicada is but-” You cut the girl off. “It was the only case your dad couldn’t solve and you feel like solving it will bring you closer to him” You finished with a sympathetic look. Nora slumped as you walked over to her.

“I know it’s hard, my mom bailed around the same time but you got Mama Iris and I have my Papa. And we’ve got each other” You told her, kissing her temple. You knew one of the many reasons they asked for your unique expertise was so Lia could get you to talk Nora down when she got a little ‘excessive’. Your gauntlet pinged, you opened the message. “Lia’s got the security footage” You told Nora before you both ran back to their lab.

Nora was right. A speedster with white lightning was stealing chemicals. Let’s just say Lia will not be allowed to forget that for a long time. Now you and your girlfriend were in the Flash Museum looking for evidence about a white lightning-clad speedster. You felt slightly uncomfortable in the room, the reverse flash display made your heart stop.

“Any luck babe?” You asked Nora as she finished the first display. But by then all the monitors showed the closing signs for the museum. “Shrap!” Nora scolded herself as Mr Myles spoke on the intercom about closing. “Also Nora West-Allen please call your mother is calling you and (Y/N) (L/N) wish your abuela happy birthday” Mr Myles spoke after his usual announcement. You both had a minor heart attack by this and were quick to call your relatives.

 Nora walked ahead of you as you dial your Abuela’s archaic phone. “Hola abuela, feliz cumpleaños... Lo siento Nora y yo estamos en el trabajo... No, aún no he preguntado ... Dile a papá que traeré la cena... La abuela deja de preguntar ... Perdón por mi tono te amo demasiado adiós” You hung up quicky, seeing Nora pressed against a wall.

“Querida? You okay?” You asked her. Nora looked at you with a defeated smile. “I’m okay, Lia has someone at OLLINS who can help with why the speedster is stealing the chemicals” Nora changed the subject. You stopped her from moving away, “Nora, you can talk to me” You told her. “I know” Nora smiled, kissing your cheek.

The scientist at OLIINS told you three that whatever the speedster was using the chemicals for, they could only be used based on a structure. “Total bust” You kicked air as you three walked out. “We can’t wait for another lab to get hit” Nora told you both. That’s when a bright flash of white passed you three, knocking you onto the floor. Nora was quick to help you up.

“Holy Shrap!” Nora and Lia squealed, running back into the laboratory. The scientist was on the floor as the speedster stood before them. He was silent, his eyes were covered by the black holes of his mask. You were quick to stand in front of Nora and Lia. “Oh my God” Nora gasped. 

“Yes, I am a God” The speedster spoke menacingly. “The God of Speed” He snarled, lightning manifesting from his palms. “Girls go!” You shouted, holding your arms out to block them. Lia ran but Nora stayed put. “Nora go!” You shouted at her.

It was too late, you both were thrown back into the shelf behind you, breaking the glasses filled with chemicals. The last thing you did was reach out for Nora, “Queri-” You tried to speak before your eyes shut.

You could hear…Lady Gaga? You opened your eyes, feeling lightheaded as you tried to sit up. “I knew an oldie would do the trick with you two” Lia smiled, turning off the music. “Don’t freak out but you're in a hospital. Me for this burn and you too for passing out” Lia explained, Nora stayed calm while you were the first to panic. “No, no, no hago dos cosas. Hospitales e insuficiencia cardíaca” You rambled, jumping out of the bed. You went straight over to Nora, making sure your girlfriend was ok. “ Mi vida, are you okay? I can call the best doctor in the country if you don’t feel okay” You asked her, checking her temperature with eh back of your hand. “You know the best doctor in the country?” Lia rolled her eyes, thinking you were exaggerating. You looked at her seriously. “Yeah, she’s my godmother” You answered before Nora decided to sit up.

“Baby I’m fine. I feel fine actually, my fingers are a little tingly but other than that I feel good” Nora told you, resting her head on your shoulder. “And you (Y/N)?” Lia asked. “Dunno, I feel like someone of blasting music right into my veins. It’s a vibe” You answered, rubbing Nora’s shoulder. “Good, I was so worried. The doctor said you were hit with 500 billion Jules of lightning…so don’t get mad” Lia slightly cringed before the doors opened up.

An older-looking Cisco Ramon. His hair was tied back loosely with a few thick strands of grey. He wore a nerdy jumper as he ran towards you. “Mi hija! Estás bien? Estás herido? Necesito llamar a tu tía Caity?” He asked you, holding your face in his hands.

“Papá, estoy bien, realmente no hay necesidad de llamar a la tía” You told him, giving Lia a side eye. Your dad had enough worries to supply the nation. “Gracias a la fuerza” He sighed, kissing your forehead. “Um, Mr Ramon the doctors need you to fill out some forms” Lia spoke up timidly. Cisco nodded before bidding you farewell.

“Chica, first you call my Papá and you then kick him out?” You raised your eyebrow at the blonde. “Yeah because while Mrs West-Allen is nonstop calling me, I didn’t tell your parents about these” Lia was careful as she held up two glass cylinders with a burnt-out metal thing in each.

“What are those?” You asked, taking one in your hands. “Piece of shrapnel maybe? They had to use the defibs on you both. When they did they found those underneath the scars on your shoulders” Lia explained. 

You stood up, recognizing the piece of metal. “I need to talk to my Dad!” You shouted before running out of the room. You ran up to your father the cylinder in hand. “Papá!” You called out grabbing his attention. The second you grabbed his arm, you zoned out. You could see Vibe fighting in the past and your Dad being killed by a speedster. You gasped as you let go of your father, dropping the cylinder. Cisco caught it before it reached the floor. Cisco looked at you with worried eyes as blood trickled down your nose.

“Mi hija, hay algo que debes saber”

The entire vibe stopped, everyone was back to seeing STAR Lab’s cortex. You however didn’t look too good as you dropped onto the floor, blood gushing from your nose and the corner of your mouth. “Long…story short. That speedster killed our friend. My powers were affected by the remains of the dagger causing me to be like this. She’s only working with Thawne to save me. As long as that dagger is intact, the more my powers will hurt me. But that’s not why I came here” You coughed up blood, struggling to get up. Cisco went to help you, seeing his kid from the future hurt because of him.

“Why did you come back?” Iris asked you as you struggled to stand. “To stop her. That dagger is the only thing keeping Thawne in his cage. I can’t let her choose me over everyone else” You told her, coughing once more.

Nora hated the dark. Ever since she was a kid. But with you, it made the darkness more bearable. You would hum lullabies your Abuela taught you, holding Nora safe in your arms as she listened to your heartbeat. Now, you were going to die because of her.

The sounds of her cell being brought forward took her thoughts as the light began to seep through. Barry and Cisco stood in front of her, solemn faces as she stood up. “Are you gonna send me home?” Nora asked her father, who still had a look of disappointment on his face. Barry didn’t speak as he opened the cell, making Nora tilt her head. “Dad what ar-”

Nora found your face, a soft smile as you looked at her with tears of joy. “Mi amor” You spoke softly as Nora used her speed to run into your arms. You held Nora tightly, burying your head in the crook of her neck. “I’m sorry” Nora sobbed, clinging to you as her own life depended on it.

“It’s okay mi amor, it’s okay” you told her, kissing her head as you held your crying girlfriend

Translations:

Hola abuela, feliz cumpleaños... Lo siento Nora y yo estamos en el trabajo... No, aún no he preguntado ... Dile a papá que traeré la cena... La abuela deja de preguntar ... Perdón por mi tono te amo demasiado adiós - Hello grandma, happy birthday… Sorry Nora and I are at work… No, I haven't asked yet… Tell Dad I'll bring dinner… Grandma stop asking… Sorry for my tone I love you too goodbye.

Querida - Dear

No, no, no hago dos cosas. Hospitales e insuficiencia cardíaca - No, no, I don't do two things. Hospitals and heart failure

Mi vida - my life

Mi hija! Estás bien? Estás herido? Necesito llamar a tu tía Caity? - My daughter! Are you ok? Are you hurt? Do I need to call your Aunt Caity?

Papá, estoy bien, realmente no hay necesidad de llamar a la tía - Dad, I'm fine, there's really no need to call Auntie

Gracias a la fuerza - Thank the Force

Chica - Girl

Mi hija, hay algo que debes saber - My daughter, there's something you should know

Mi amor - my love

[cxffeeink]

🍁🥂🎇 Dearest blog,

[ 🌻 ] Okay so I may or may not have forgotten that the whole point of my making this blog was to have a place (that wasn't my personal journal) to really chronicle my thoughts--- like an online diary, except I write about the things that I enjoy // really like. In my description is an array of things I would like to talk about on this blog just for the sillies, and I know only like three or five people probably read this but it's nice to think that I'll have a little corner of the internet I can look back on when I'm old and gray and have a dog or another room I can call my own. ANYWAY

The first thing I mentioned in the description of this blog would be music !! I suppose it's a nice thought, being able to warm up writing here and then be able to work on the book draft I'm currently working on. The thing about music is that--- it was this immovable presence throughout the entirety of my childhood, all the way up to when I was a teenager (or, in simpler terms, now). I thought of stories by way of music; I learned how to write the way I wanted to based on lyrics alone, I could step into worlds depending on the song being played--- I suppose the most important thing about music to me, though, would probably be the fact that a large chunk of my memories are tied to songs, albums, lyrics.

I started doing this little thing in January, 2023 (it's been more than a year since then, can you believe it?) where--- I would take songs I liked or songs that reminded me of a month (for instance, January was orange and therefore reminiscent of sunsets and road trips and cold mornings) and then compile it all into one single playlist. I would listen to that playlist--- just the one--- for an entire month before moving on to the next. I'm not entirely sure whether it slows or quickens the passage of time, but I'm almost certain these playlists can take me right back to where I was a year ago. Whether it be a train station or a mountain peak or a chilly night out in the neighborhood streets--- if I happened to be listening to a song at the time, said song would be listened to a day, a month, a whole year from then and it would evoke the exact same feeling.

I suppose I liked the thought of reigniting memory with music, as I do remember writing this one philosophical paper on the nature of dementia, phenomenology (our existence through experience), and all that sort of thing and then finding out that our memories were most strongly tied to music. I mean, come on, Everywhere at the End of Time practically capitalizes on the fact that music and sound are such great ways to expound on memory, feeling, and the telling of stories. I had to listen to snippets of the album in order to properly write the essay I mentioned earlier, and it was so fascinating to find that the music throughout the album changed based on how a person felt, or how much they could remember. I suppose that same album pushed me to remember, or to listen to as many songs as I could, just in case--- someday--- music would be the only thing I could bring myself to remember.

Anyway! I'll be back next week--- hopefully with a digital art piece or a blog about poetry. I adore poetry; I'll try and gather my favorite pieces by then. I hope you grow to love music as much as I do--- I would have written more if I didn't have to go and practice playing volleyball.

All the best,

Abby *:･ﾟ✧*:･ﾟ✧

P.S. Remember that first blog post I uploaded? The one mentioning me wishing you farewell on your work, and how I was working on getting into the same school one of my favorite authors attended? Well, it's been four months since the entrance exam, and I got accepted!

[kitkat-2204]

Journal’s Past Midnight: Assignment Mishap

Yesterday I allowed something to happen that I don't usually allow. I was working on my final 15 page paper on an aquarium accident in Berlin, assigned by my journalism professor near its deadline, completely panicked by the nearing due date as I frantically tried to finish the last page of this paper right before the deadline approached.

"I can't afford another late grade." I thought as I continued to write my paper, listening to some quiet music at this calm hour of night. I try not to be too anxious, as I was in my room, calm, swaddled by blankets listening to relaxing music, to continue to remind myself to stay calm and focused.

Our professor expects us to do a lot of research and provide evidence and detail when proving your claim in regards to the factual evidence held in the article. As he takes another sip of his water as he begins watching videos to use quotes for his paper, he stumbles apon a video summarizing the events occured in a nice visuals to make is easy for him to understand. As he begins watching the video, he tries listening to the german reporter explaining the tragedy, but for a particularly odd reason, his eyes only focus on the glass that holds the water behind it. He slowly watches as the glass struggles to contain its contents with any last grips it has, gathering more and more pressure on the glass as the water slowly leaks out crack by crack...slowly more and more water beginning to spill out.. the glass going weaker... "Oh!" I think as I realized I haven't peed all day. I could feel my crotch begin to quiver at the idea of impending release, and considered going to the bathroom, until I looked at the time. “I definitely cannot get up now, I only have 45 minutes to finish this assignment and I need to find this quote before it is due." I thought as I continued to watch the video at my own displeasure to find a quote that perfectly matches the statement I wrote. As I played the video, the reporter begins talking about the specific details of the incident and analyzes the details of severity of the accident. “Perfect!" I thought as I assumed she would stray away from the water based conversation, but boy, was I incorrect. As she described the details of the incident accordingly, I noticed she was using very specific words, words that started to stand out to me as I was writing. Words like "Bursting" and "Leaking" and "Water Pressure" came up quite often. As much as I tried my best to stay focused on the assignment at hand, I couldnt help but shake my legs at the idea of water bursting and flowing in places it shouldn't. My mind wandered and I couldn't help but think about allowing just a little bit of it to come out. "What would be the harm in it? I'm alone right now aren't I? It's not like I can use the bathroom right now, I have no time." I think. I begin to try to relax my body and slightly give in to what my body is so desperately telling me to do, and I allowed the glass to spill just a little bit. "That feels a little bit better. Now to focus back on finding a quote for my report." I said as I continued the video. As much I thought this one little leak would help me focus a bit better, I realized that leak was the cork that was stopping my own flood from occurring. I couldnt focus on the words the reporter was saying anymore, the only thing that attracted my mind was the footage on the screen. Leaks coming left and right from the aquarium, the pressure slowly but surely adding onto the weight of the tank, my eyes began to flutter at the idea of release, and I couldn't focus at all. I allowed one more leak to spill as I just couldn't help but relieve the smallest bit of pressure with all of the tempting visuals surrounding me, but I then realize I lost track of the time, and it is now 10 minutes until my deadline is due.

“Fuck! Whatever I am just going to use what I have now as my final quote I just need to get this done!" I thought panicked as I frantically begin writing down the last parts of my report. As I begin writing down what I can remember, the only thing I can think of is the water slowly creeping its way around the glass, my mind in such a trance as I so desperately want to allow my bladder to just flow in the same way the aquarium stream flows throughout the building. I contemplate on giving in, allowing myself to just release, then finally focus back onto my paper, with only 5 more minutes on the clock, that seems like my only option. The confusing part of all of this is that I found myself clicking the video and pushing play as I made the decision to let go, to amplify the feeling and give me a sense of imagination as I am finally allowing it to happen. As I expected, with the visual of the water bursting from the glass wall in the aquarium, the feeling of release became indescribable. As I watched and permitted my bladder to flow out in between my legs and release into the comfort of my clothing, blankets and soft pillows beneath me, it sort of felt.. comforting the warmth I felt within the relief of finally going. As I begin to leave the trance of relaxation I was briefly in, I began to realize it was 2 minutes before my assignment was due.

“Fuck!!!" I thought as I gathered up the last words of my concluding statement and promptly submit the assignment right at 11:59. "I really hope I don't get another C on this." I thought.

[aeternallis]

the nice thing about having friends who have faith in you, having a twin brother you can rant to and not be judged poorly (considering he himself has also been in some hot water with our extended family before, lol), having a sister-in-law you can talk to about the technicalities of things, is that it grounds you to reality. it gives you perspective, and just outright reminds you that you shouldn't let what people say online get to you, because at the end of the day, all this will pass, yknow?

i'm excited for the day i can look back on all of this and laugh about it; it'll make for a neat conversation starter with my friends. lol there's no regret in what happened. i only regret the way i let it get to me, and how i'd forgotten one of my other personal rules when i engage in fandom. but having talked to my loved ones now (and listening to bollywood music), i'm on solid, firmer ground again, so i think it's a lot safer for me now to think and talk about it, to get all my thoughts out onto paper and onto the same solid ground with me.

usually i'd write about this sort of thing on my journal, but i gotta keep the carpal tunnel at bay, so onto this blog it goes.

what happened this week was a double-whammy for me: individuals called me out for a post I'd reblogged on here with some tags I wrote on there, and a meta post that garnered some controversy about a generally accepted fanon take on a character (said take being fanon is my opinion, just so we're clear, future me).

i have hurt a number of individuals with the tags i wrote in that post, and i do feel remorseful for the way i came off, but ultimately, i do stand by them. my reasons were not stated in that post, because i spoke only in the tags; we have a limit of 30 tags, y'all. i'm not able to give all my justifications onto those tags because i'm limited (30!), and i never thought i'd have to (despite the fact that i understood that i had no obligation to), in the first place.

whether or not people choose to discern and draw conclusions about my character based on those tags alone, or if they want to reach out to me to get further clarification, that's entirely up to them. i can't control how people perceive me online, so why expend the energy to giving their opinions about me any weight, when i can use said energy for other things (like smutty kimchay art--//hits)?

the way i see it, the people who choose to discern my character and jump to conclusions about it based on those tags alone says a lot more about them than it ever will about me.

having said that...

cat!kim, bottom!kim, submissive!kim...I don't like any of these headcanons (that hasn't stopped me from reading some amazing bottom!kim fics though, lemme just say XD) because in my mind, they're heavily influenced by jeff satur's media personality and disregards the boundary between actor and character. no one has to agree with me on this, nor should anyone feel the need to explain themselves to me about why they may think the opposite, because at the end of the day, these are just my opinions. anyone else is more than welcome to think the contrary. i cannot control what people think of me through these opinions any more than i can control people giving weight to them in the first place.

autistic!kim and basically any headcanon that applies a medical diagnosis onto a fictional character...is an idea i choose not to engage in, or entertain in any capacity. that's all there is to it. am i stopping others from engaging in this idea? not at all; explore this idea as much as you want in the capacity it makes you happy. that's one of the purposes of fandom, after all. but for my part, i cannot engage in it whatsoever; i'd much rather people in this fandom just think the worst of me, call me all types of names and labels in the book, and live in ignorance about my character, than to compromise on this. i can explain myself in limited capacity in a private chat, but otherwise, i won't share any more of myself than what i feel i can or should in this public space, yknow?

as for my meta posts...i'm very glad they do encourage conversation, even if others disagree with me, but just please be nice about it. i don't mind engaging in friendly debate in private, but i will also admit that debate about character interpretation in public gives me hella anxiety, alas. it's harder to discern people's tones online, and what was once originally a debate can quickly spiral into yelling matches because of this loss of context.

but yeah, i think now i can safely say i've made a little bit of peace with this incident(s), even if i'm still processing a lot of emotions!

and with that, back to my metas and kimchay art, i've kept them waiting long enough~

[flavorlesscheeto]

Just Pretending

E.m x Y/n (Mod A.U)

Tw: Overthinking, romance, fluff, bodily touching, and love to you<3

I don't like writing Y/n but I'll start.

(ik it doesn't fit theme but listen to the prom part with the piano duet from Corpse bride.)

"Congratulations Y/n and Eddie. Made it to 3 months." Dustin pats Eddie's shoulder and gives me a warm smile. Walking away we are back alone in the hall. "So how long are we supposed to do this....this thing?"

He looks at me, sitting up against a locker, "Honestly until prom. I heard Jason saying he's not over you just yet." Nodding and hugging my knees, Part of me is so happy I get to "date" Eddie for a few more weeks. But all the effort I put in has been genuine.

"Y/n, hey earth to Y/n." Looking at him, "What, sorry?" He softly chuckles, "Nothing just asked how you feel about this ending soon?" Sighing heavily I nod, "Good, I feel good. Can't wait,"

The thought of no more sleepovers, no more date nights of us just in a field goofing off, no more dates in empty parking lots sitting on top the van eating junk food in our PJs, it all makes my heart hurt. Back in my thoughts I feel his stare burning as he studies my face.

Eddie:

"She said good. She can't wait to break up." I can't help but look at her, words I need to say to her get stuck in my throat but her eyes staring at stickers she glued to her dirty black and white converse. Her fingers wrap around a untied lace and letting it unravel.

The tension between us getting colder and harder to avoid. "What color you thinking of wearing prom Queen?" She shrugs her shoulder, "Tell me what you're thinking?" She looks up, the line always made her happy.

"Well I was thinking colors, if I wear purple like lavender my wedding would need a new color palette. You know, I can't just overlap. And the theme is very purple friendly so I was thinking maybe Yellow. But every girl is going to be wearing yellow. So since Beauty and the Beast is mainly yellow. What if we go with the first outfit color? Me, a light soft blue and you a nice maple summer red. Since everyone will aim for the ending outfit colors."

I smile, she's adorable when she rambles. "You put alot of thought into it, didn't you sweetheart?" She nods, crawling over and going into her bag, flipping through her journal she stops on a page...it's of a dress design and it's hand sketched.

Gently my hands hold onto the shabby book. Looking at her she lets me take hold of it. I flip through and see many childhood movies she doesn't speak much about but watches alot have dresses or outfits drawn based of her favorite character.

For Coraline, plain black jeans with a blue sweater, heeled boots and a black scarf. It's absolutely beautiful. The way she writes notes in the margins to remind herself. I carefully flip through, sure to not tear one of the delicate pages. A page of sheet music for a piano is glued in with the title, 'For my Husband, My only Love'

Looking further there are details about a wedding, her wedding shall be hosted at midnight in Autumn when not many leaves have fallen but have changed color. Her dress is a simple white sundress with a white transparent hooded cape. The hairstyle she chose was just a waterfall of curls.

Her cake was to be different shades of blue and white. Her was would be just her and her husband. I hope to be the man who sees her in such a beautiful gown. Such beauty scenario plays in my head, stealing her pencil out her hair. I flip the page by maybe 15-20 and gently write something down for her to find.

Later that week, we get ready for the prom but I don't want this to be the end. By the end of this dance we are supposed to end as if it never started. The time we spent together was nothing more than just help getting over an ex.

The pretty well known but not popular girl with the metalhead freak. Something nobody expected but her heart was nothing more than the rarest of gold's. She walks out my bedroom in the most beautiful blue gown I've seen. It looked like a more elegant version of the dress Belle wore in the beginning of the film.

Uncle Wayne takes our pictures with a Polaroid and smiles. "You kids look great, now go have some fun tonight. Please be safe." Nodding I carry the bottom of her dress as I walk her to my van. Climbing in she collects her dress. Shutting the door gently to make sure none gets caught in the door.

At the dance we pay for our tickets and enter, a soft song plays as either people talk, get their pictures taken, dance with their friends, or get drinks. Walking her to a table, pulling a chair out for her. "I'll go get you a drink and we can go take our pictures after." She nods as I kiss her forehead and walk off.

Her smiles is wide as she looks down her freshly painted nails. Getting her a glass I see her big beautiful eyes searching the dance floor for someone until I catch sight...Jason, he's holding Chrissy against him as they slow dance. Walking back, setting our cups down. Pulling her close, her face presses lightly against my chest.

"Eddie?" She whispers softly, I feel my heart pounding against my chest. Surely she felt it, "Yes Dollface?" She looks up as we dance slowly. She looks up, "The idea of us being fake, at first it scared me. I never really been in a relationship besides him."

I nod, ready to listen to her as always. "But with you it felt natural, and real. And maybe you are a good actor, but what if I had stopped acting? I don't want tonight to end the way we originally planned it to be. Tomorrow I want to wake up with the memories we made, knowing we made them for us and not for some stupid rebound camp type thing. I really grew attached to you and every moment you are away from me, I want to call to hear your voice, I stare at pictures so I can remember your beautiful smile, your eyes they light up when you see me. But maybe you are a good actor and I put you in an awkward position. Pardon my enthusiasm."

"I like your enthusiasm. I like you too Y/n, you are the most gorgeous girl I have ever met. You are so thoughtful, so selfless, so kind, so generous even when you may need it, you are so strong, so creative, and you are absolutely beautiful inside and out. I love the idea of us being the ones in your pre-planned wedding. I love the idea of you being mine. I love you."

She smiles, "You remembered?" I smile, "If I meant what I wrote, I mean what I say." Kissing her as she smiles into it.

[destinyc1020]

So you're handling a new job plus college? Whoa, ok. Amazing! Total congrats! Wow, that's a lot. Mind a little advice on how the stress is handled? It can feel overwhelming to me.

Aww thank you! 🥰

Yes, it's a lot! I take online courses though, so it's not AS bad as going in person and having to sit through a boring lecture, so that helps lol. 😂 You just have to be very disciplined when doing online courses. Some things that have helped me with managing my stress/anxiety are:

Getting GOOD rest (at least 7 hrs) every night - I seriously cannot stress this ENOUGH!!! When I get good rest, I am SO much more on top of my game!

Regular exercise (even just walking) helps me to combat SO much stress. The natural endorphins also feel really nice! 😊

Taking some time out of your day (at least 10 - 15 min) to just de-stress, have some "me time", meditate, do some deep breathing, close your eyes, focus on something relaxing, or listen to relaxing music.

ASMR videos on YouTube lol... 👀 Seriously! (Only a few people really "get" the "tingles" from ASMR though, so if you don't you will probably think those videos are hella weird lol😅)

Talking to a friend (or going to therapy if you're finding it difficult to manage your anxiety alone)

Laying off the caffeine 👀

Journaling/writing down your thoughts and feelings - I love the Journey App!!! 😁

Prioritizing your tasks/making lists/organizing your "To Do" list - I find that it really helps me to put things into perspective

Learning not to be too hard on myself - Go EASY on yourself! You should be your best friend. 🥰

Realizing that things are only "tough" or "hard" simply because you probably haven't done it before, or don't have much experience in it. When I realize this, I'm way easier on myself if I'm not understanding something right away. Once you get more experience with something however, it gets way easier!

Ashwagandha, Chamomile Tea, Calm Magnesium powder to put in your drinks, etc. are all nice little natural supplements that help to calm the mind and body. 😊

I hope that helped?? 😁