#I thought i found myself on here but I looked deeper and fell in love with myself

[festynoodle]

talking into the void but this blog didn't age well at all, in the best way though. i want to give younger me a hug so badly, it got so much better. love x

[hausofneptune]

aspects/placements i love (and hate!) in my chart pt. 1

[astro notes no. 003]

hey y’all! i felt like going through some of my personal aspects/placements and describing the “positive” and “negative” ways they’ve manifested in my life, so here we are. this ended up being longer than i thought it would, so i'll end up doing a part two since i really enjoyed making this!

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venus conj. neptune in aquarius (1°03’) in the 1H

this is one of my favorite placements. i feel like this + my pisces sun can make me appear to others as “ethereal” at times, but if i’m keeping it a buck, it also makes me extremely evasive. i have a good amount of aquarius influence in my chart as well, so all of this combined definitely makes me feel like i have to put in effort to not come off as too impersonal, especially towards my loved ones. 

having neptune in my 1H also makes me feel like people perceive me to be someone that i’m not. like even my close friends and family, i don’t feel like anyone actually understands who i am, and i don’t think i’ve ever had a relationship (platonic, romantic, or familial) where i felt like i was seen for who i actually am, or where i was able to connect to somebody on a deeper, spiritual level. i can also over-romanticize people and situations at times, but i’ve grown out of this habit… for the most part.

i’ve always been an extremely creative/artistic person. i’ve been drawing, painting, writing, and singing since i was a kid, and i even sell my artwork now as an adult. i’m extremely imaginative, but i do have to be careful to not get too in my head and forget to participate in reality, if that makes sense. i’ve also had issues with dissociation and memory loss throughout my life. i feel like my lived experience has more to do with that, but i can see how the Neptunian influence in my chart could play a role in it as well.

venus opposite north node in the 7H (1°40’)

there are some placements that convince me that the universe was tryna be funny when it made my birth chart. this is one of them. i have so many things in my chart that can make it challenging at times to form meaningful, trustful relationships with other people, and it’s interesting to me the fact that my spiritual growth is something that’s supposed to be found… through my relationships with other people. i try not to victimize myself too much and look at things from an objective lens, but i would be lying if i said it didn’t feel like people find it convenient to have me in their lives only when i allow them to view me in a way that makes them feel the most comfortable.

like i mentioned, i can be very avoidant, it’s something i’m working on. but i know that it’s possible for me to have fulfilling connections with other people, and obviously with this placement it’s something i need to work through my aversion to, seeing as my self-development and spiritual growth is something that’s extremely important to me and deep down i do want to want to experience having meaningful, healthy relationships. 

sun sextile lilith (within 3.0°) in the 11H / chiron in the 11H

let me tell you, most of the people i’ve been friends with over the years, regardless of gender, hypersexualize the fuck out of me. especially the men i’ve been friends with, majority of them had feelings for me that i never reciprocated. i was actually friends with a girl in high school who’s moon fell in my 8H, and in hindsight she had a very unhinged, borderline obsession with me. she would speak to me, and get mad at me, as if we were in a relationship together, and did not understand any type of boundaries that you’re supposed to have with someone you’re friends with. i don’t hold it against her now as an adult, but we definitely don’t speak to each other anymore.

i’ve also encountered issues in regards to the relationships i've with women, mainly when i was younger though, the women i’m acquainted with now i have healthy, normal friendships with (thank god). but i’ve had friendships with girls where they secretly didn’t like me, they were secretly attracted to me, or both. and i don't mean this in a weird, misogynistic, "pick me i'm different!" type of way at all, this is just a pattern i picked up on with some of the women i've met throughout my life.

in regards to having chiron in my 11H, my sore spot is most definitely my friendships. on top of feeling misunderstood and objectified in the friendships i’ve had, i’ve also experienced trauma at the hands of people i thought were my friends. and i always do my best to exercise being mindful and self-aware, and i’m definitely not on some “i’ve always been the perfect friend and people hurt me regardless, boo-hoo, woe-is-me” type shit, because i’ve definitely hurt people in my lifetime. but in terms of how these placements have manifested, i’ve always encountered difficulty in connecting to others, and i’m just now getting to a point where i feel comfortable enough to even attempt to try making new friends again. 

and this is what i mean when i say: astrology is a tool that you can use for shit that is more important than your appearance and future partner! it wasn’t until my 12H profection year when i started studying traditional astrology and learned how to read charts, that i actually began to understand myself on a deeper level and gained the confidence to end friendships that no longer served me and made new ones that actually do. 

chiron in my 11H also makes me feel inclined to take on a “therapist” role in my friendships, something that can be good or bad depending on whether the boundaries are there or not. i tend to attract people who like to trauma dump on me (that’s my moon in the 8H influence too), and i have to actively put boundaries in place and make sure people around me understand that i have to be in the right mindset to hold space for them. there aren’t a lot of pisces sun stereotypes that i can relate to, but being an emotional sponge is definitely one that i can. unfortunately. 

moon and ceres in virgo in the 8H 

LMAOOO this one might be a little heavy. i apologize in advance. feel free to skip this one if you don’t want to hear about parental/maternal loss or my mommy issues <3

my relationship with my mom is without a doubt where a lot of my emotional avoidance comes from. that plus my moon being in the 8H makes me very guarded when it comes to emotional vulnerability, even with the people i’m closest to. without telling a bunch of strangers on the internet too much of my business, here are the sparknotes:

my home life growing up (and to this day lowkey) never felt stable

it never felt like i could feel my emotions without them “consuming” me, this was mainly an issue in my youth, i was around 12-years-old when i started going to therapy and taking antidepressants  

my mom battled a chronic disease her entire life and passed away when i was a teenager 

i’ve always craved to have deep, spiritual connections with people, and ever since i was a kid i’ve been extremely intuitive and had the ability to read a room and everyone in it without anyone having to speak, but i typically attract people who are either emotionally unavailable, or emotionally unstable in some way, probably because i come off as “closed off” on the surface. 

in terms of my relationship with my mom, i love her but i could never be vulnerable with her about a damn thing, like i never really felt “heard” by her. she was a taurus sun, scorpio moon, with an aries stellium, as soon as she had her mind made up about something it didn’t really matter how i felt (pluto also falls in my 10H, and i definitely viewed her as an “authority figure” more than a mother at times). y’all remember this scene from lady bird where her mom tells her she wants her to “be the best version of herself she can be” and she asks “what if this is the best version?” - it was very much so that.

and i don’t want to give the impression that my mom didn’t love me because she definitely did. i think it was just a matter of what a lot of us eventually come to understand about our parents; that they’re products of the environments and the people they were raised by. and in my mom’s case, she did her best with the cards she was dealt and showed up the best way she could. it doesn’t make my feelings any less important, but it helps to maintain the balance between recognizing her humanity, and also validating my own frustration and trauma regarding our relationship. 

venus conjunct ascendant in aquarius (2°40’)

i didn't wanna end this post on a depressing ass note so i'm adding this last aspect lmfao. honestly i struggle with some of the venusian energy in my chart because i honestly never really felt "pretty" growing up. it might be neptune in my 1H that effects my self image, because it wasn't until my 20s that i actually started to genuinely recognize my beauty. i feel like growing up i only viewed my beauty through the lens of the "male gaze" (it didn't help that i felt objectified from the boys around me), or through the lens of euro-centric/white beauty standards, and in adulthood i'm finally approaching the way that i view myself from my perspective.

i do notice that i attract people very easily, both in a friendly and romantic way. i know this aspect has to do a lot with love and romance, but honestly, i'm not too concerned about being in a relationship at this point in my life (with the way the economy is set up i think we all got bigger fish to fry rn but that's neither here nor there-), but like i mentioned i've always been an artist at heart and the art that i create plays a really big role in my identity. i've always found it easier to express myself through my paintings or my writing rather than my words.

aesthetics and comfortability are pretty big for me too, more so now in my 20s. this aspect has a lot to do with sociability and being inclined to uplift and help others, and i can relate to the latter but when it comes to other aspects in my chart i do struggle with being "outgoing" and coming across friendly, but we'll get to that in part two.

as always, if y'all have any of the aspects/placements mentioned in this post let me know how they manifest in your life and personality, and if you have any insight or questions in general feel free to reach out!

[darthgloris]

Adorable

Pairing: Luke Skywalker x fem!Jedi!bi!reader

Summary: Luke and Y/N have had a special bond since she first found him unconscious on the Jundland wastes; however, their friendly thoughts about each other turn into deeper feelings soon enough, feelings that seem obvious to everyone but each other. Princess Leia has had enough of their obliviousness and, with the help of her counterpart Han Solo, decides to give them a little push in the right direction.

Warnings: set between A New Hope and Empire Strikes Back so SPOILERS, fluff, romantic tension, sexual tension, Luke being a shy and rambling mess, bi!reader

A/N: I'm writing this fic for @c4m3r4m4n, who fell in love with an idea drafted up by @dailydragon08 (to whom I give credit for the plot of the fic, thank you very much). I hope you like it :) also it's been a while since I've published, I feel like the ancient one has been awoken 💀💀

☆☆☆

"I won't go easy on you, Skywalker." Y/N taunted, the corners of her mouth twitching upwards.

"I'm not asking you to." Luke countered with a smile, followed by the hum of his igniting weapon.

She smirked at his response, hoping that the duel would take his focus off her burning cheeks. The two bowed to each other and she didn't hesitate to deliver the first blow, raising her brows in surprise at how readily he lifted the weapon in front of him to block her. Y/N smiled as her green lightsaber clashed against her sparring partner's blue one, watching him deflect every strike with a look of concentration etched onto his face.

She was proud of how far Luke had come since he first held his father's lightsaber in his hands, nearly losing a limb to inexperience. He had made staggering progress in the last few months of training: looking back at the farm boy who almost chopped his arm off on accident, she noticed how he was slowly starting to rely on the Force as well as on his abilities, how he was starting to get out of his head and stop overthinking every single movement, every action and reaction.

Her gaze moved from their lightsabers to his face, the face that she adored so much. She adored his eyes that reminded her of the midwinter sky, holding the innocence of a young boy and an ever-present mischievous twinkle; his sandy blonde hair that drooped over his eyes when he looked down in shyness, a small smile playing at his lips; and most importantly, his heart of gold, his kindness, gentleness, and selflessness-

"Maker, are you all right?!" Luke exclaimed, pulling her out of her thoughts. "I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to!"

Just then the pain in her hand registered in her brain, and she looked down to see a cut across her palm. It wasn't serious, just a small wound, but she found it cute that he worried so much.

"Luke, it's okay, it's just a cut," she said in an attempt to calm him. "I've hurt myself dozens of times before."

"But... but I'm the one who hurt you..." he mumbled, his sad puppy eyes looking up at her. "Come here, let me clean it."

"Really, Luke, it's fine-" she started.

"Please?" He pouted with genuine guilt in his eyes.

She couldn't say no to him. It just wasn't in her. "Okay."

He walked across the room while she sat down and he came back with a medikit. He knelt down in front of her, making her breath hitch in her throat. He started to tend to her wound carefully, holding her hand with a gentleness she had never been touched or treated with before. He dabbed a piece of cloth on her hand, looking at her in guilt whenever she flinched.

"Sorry about this," he mumbled, grabbing the disinfectant. "This is going to sting a bit."

She hissed as the chemicals dropped into her open skin while Luke mumbled apologies and soothing words.

"Oh, come on. It happens." She dismissed.

"Still, I feel bad. You know I'd never hurt you on purpose, right? Physically or otherwise." He stated.

She felt the butterflies fluttering in her stomach at the statement, the hope of her feelings towards him being reciprocated warming her heart. She mumbled an "I know" and looked at him, focused on the task at hand, his blonde locks flopping over his eyes. When he felt her gaze on him, he looked at her through his eyelashes, smiling softly at her to let her know he caught her staring. He shifted his gaze to her hand, hoping to hide the rosy blush creeping up on the apples of his cheeks, although he did so quick enough to miss her doing the same.

It was often that Luke got flustered when he was near her, and, even if he was very skilled at hiding it (at least from her), he never seemed to notice that she nearly always did the exact same thing. Every time he caught her staring, he felt his heart jump a little: it pleased him to know that she admired him, that she trusted him, that she cared for him. Whenever she would display any sort of affection towards him, he would feel a warm and tingly sensation spreading from his heart and tummy all the way to the tips of his fingers.

Luke was hopeful; most of the time he thought he was naive for believing a girl as wonderful and headstrong as Y/N could ever want a guy like him, so fragile and sensitive. He thought, no, he knew, that she was truly gorgeous, intelligent and strong-willed, and he also knew that she deserved much better than him, but he still wanted to make her happy and never once doubted his feelings for her.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, sensing his mind wandering.

"Not much. Just..." He hesitated to finish his sentence. "...thinking about Ben. I wish I could have done something about it."

"Believe me, I do, too," she said sadly, apparently not seeing through his lie. "I miss him a lot. I can't believe I was so stupid to lose him right after I had found him again."

"Yeah, I know. He was important to you, wasn't he?" He asked tentatively, his thumb rubbing comforting circles on the uninjured areas of her hand.

"He really was. When I was a child, I adored him. When I got in trouble, I always ran to hide behind his robes, and he smiled down at me a fondness that my parents had never looked at me with. I wanted nothing more than to be his Padawan," she sighed. "But I guess it just wasn't meant to be, was it?"

"I'm so sorry... I wish I had known," Luke said, smiling sympathetically. "But Obi-Wan or not, you turned out a better Jedi than I could ever be."

She smiled sincerely at him, appreciating the compliment that came from his heart, "You're really sweet, Luke. I bet you'll make a wonderful Jedi knight, too."

He giggled shyly, averting his gaze from her once again. He thanked her in a soft, shy voice that she found so adorable she could have melted into a puddle. "There, you're all set." He said as he bandaged her hand, tying up the loose end of the gauze on her palm.

"Thanks, Luke." She said, ruffling his hair.

"You're always welcome." He replied, hiding the blush rising to his face.

In a bout of courage, she threw her arms around his neck, pressing their cheeks together. He froze for a split second before wrapping his own around her waist, pulling her closer to him and inhaling her signature coconut scent. He could get drunk on her sweet smell that made him feel at peace. As she felt him get more comfortable, a mischievous thought entered her mind. She began to tickle his open armpits, making him yelp and squirm beneath her.

"Y/N, stop!" He laughed as she straddled him, pinning his wrists to the floor with one hand and using the other to tickle his stomach. He squealed and giggled, trying to get out of her grip, and as soon as she loosened her hold on his wrists, he flipped them on the sparring mat, landing her with a soft 'thump'. He threw one leg over the other side of her waist and pinned her wrists over her head in the same fashion as her. He aimed for her sides and she squealed, turning into a giggling, squirmy mess.

"Luke! You copycat!" She shrieked through her laughter.

He laughed, too, drinking in the pure joy of the moment, and noticed her face was red from happiness and laughter, as well as his, he assumed.

"Luke, Y/N, I need you to- oh..." Leia stumbled in, cutting herself off as she saw her two friends sharing an intimate moment. "Am I interrupting something?" She smirked.

Suddenly, they were both very aware of their position. Luke's eyes widened slightly and he cleared his throat, messily getting up and fixing his hair. He helped Y/N off the ground and she dusted herself off, looking to Leia, who still had that knowing smile plastered on her face. "No! No, you're not."

"Yeah... anyway," she dragged the first word out in suspicion. "We have an impromptu meeting to be at in fifteen minutes, just enough time for you to get changed."

"All right, we'll see you there." Luke said, smiling politely at his friend and leaving the room. Y/N soon followed suit, as their rooms were fairly close, in fact opposite each other.

Leia rolled her eyes, sighing in exasperation. It was clear as day that the two of them were enamoured with one another, everyone could see it except them. She could see it in their eyes when they looked at each other, in how gentle they were with each other. They'd share so many little moments like this, yet they'd never make a move. It was infuriating, to say the least.

Leia walked out of the room and through the halls of the rebel base. She bumped into someone on her way.

"Woah, Your Highness, what's got you so upset?" Han asked, nearly sarcastically, but she chose to answer honestly.

"I just walked in on Luke and Y/N having a tickle fight," she said. "It annoys the life out of me when they act like a couple but they don't even see that they actually like each other."

"Ugh, I know. It's painfully obvious to everyone but them." He agreed.

"Hang on. Are you agreeing with me, Han Solo?" She said, not waiting for his response. "Since this is the first thing we actually agree about, care to do something about it?"

He raised his eyebrows, interested. "What did you have in mind?"

"Oh, nothing too serious, just a bit of messing with them. Maybe they'll stop being so dense." She said.

"Good idea," he nodded, giving her credit. "We start after the meeting."

"Deal."

...

Y/N smiled softly at Luke and closed the door behind her, exhausted from the meeting. She huffed a breath and looked for a shirt and pants in her wardrobe, but couldn't find a sweater for the life of her. She looked through all of her room for her favorite green sweater, under the bed, behind the door, even beneath her covers, but there was no trace of it.

She hated that it disappeared, but she decided she was going to look for it after she's had a proper rest after a two-hour-long meeting. She knocked on Luke's door, who opened it and smiled softly at her. "Hi."

"Hi. I can't find my green sweater, do you have one I could borrow?" She dared to ask. It was an intimate gesture, surely, but she wanted that nap, and the only thing that was more comfy to sleep in than her favorite sweater was a warm sweater with Luke's soothing smell all over it. "Assuming you don't need it, of course."

"Um, sure," he said, rummaging through his clothes. "Here."

He handed her a white hoodie with no zipper. It was so soft and warm, it made her cheeks flush in anticipation. She pulled it over her head and sighed at the feeling. The sleeves were a bit bigger on her, and she loved it. It felt like a warm and loving embrace. It felt like his embrace.

"Thank you, Luke, you're a sweetheart," she said and he blushed furiously, but she didn't have the energy to notice. "I'll be taking a nap now, but if you need a favor, ask me, okay?"

"Okay," his voice cracked. "Have a good nap."

She left his room with a thankful smile.

She snuggled up in her bed, wrapping her arms around herself, as if it was Luke hugging her. She breathed in his smell, making her sigh in content. The warm feeling and the soothing scent lulled her to sleep quickly enough, with the image of Luke holding her and warming her up with his body heat.

...

After letting her borrow his hoodie, Luke felt much closer to her. He fell harder for her, if that was even possible. And when he saw her snuggled up in his clothes, his brain went blank and he forgot his own name for a moment. He wanted to hug her, to warm her up and fall asleep beside her, then to wake up next to her and wake her with a soft, open-mouthed kiss to her lips.

He pushed the thought to the back of his head as he saw her heading for the same closet he was. "Hi."

"Hi. How was your nap?"

"Best nap I've ever had. Your hoodie is the most comfortable thing I've ever worn. I'll give it back right after I grab some stuff here."

"No, no, you keep it."

She felt her heart warm at his offer. "Luke, you love this hoodie..."

But I love you more. "But you're happy. And that makes me happy."

She smiled lovingly at him, "Thank you so much. Really."

"You're always welcome..." He said, hesitant to finish his sentence. "...starflower."

She turned to him and her smile widened at the nickname, a blush rising to her cheeks. She got on her tip-toes to try to reach an old book on the highest shelf, straining to try to grab it. Luke noticed her struggle and moved up to her, and with a little jump, he caught the book and handed it to her. She smiled thankfully at him and kissed his cheek softly, making him blush.

Their sweet moment was interrupted by the lock clicking. "Oh, damn it!"

Luke tried to force the door open but failed, and when he turned around to face her, he noticed how incredibly close they were. His chest nearly touched hers, and he could feel her breathing pattern as whenever her chest expanded, he could feel it brush his own.

"This is... convenient." She said, making him chuckle.

"Yeah... sorry I didn't pay more attention."

"It's not your fault."

A comfortable silence fell over them, and Y/N shifted into a more comfortable position, accidentally brushing over Luke's hips. He blushed and bit his lip at the contact. "Sorry!"

"It's- it's fine..." His voice cracked. He felt his pants tighten and he blushed a dark red, sweating a copious amount. He was already super embarrassed and ashamed about accidentally getting a hard-on, and he was fairly sure he'd die if she saw.

He shifted away to try to put some distance between them, but accidentally stepped on her foot. She flinched backwards and fell over. Luke swiftly caught her, wrapping an arm around her waist to steady her. He pulled her up gently and his forehead was nearly touching hers. He closed his eyes, savoring the closeness between them. He wanted to brush the hair away from her face and kiss her until she was breathless, but he just didn't have the courage.

How ironic: Luke Skywalker, the man who destroyed the Death Star, couldn't strap on a pair and make a move on a girl. It was laughable, really.

He decided to test the waters by sliding his hands down to her hips in a featherlight touch. She felt something brushing her thigh and her eyes widened as she realized Luke was turned on by the situation, and decided to tease him a bit.

"Luke?"

"Yeah?"

"Is this your lightsaber or are you just really happy to see me?" She asked, a teasing edge to her voice as he tried to stutter out a response.

"I- I- I... uh, um... I..." He stammered, trying to think of a way to explain himself without sounding like a pervert. "I'm so, so, so sorry, I really didn't mean to, it was an accident... I really hope you could forgive me but if you don't want to talk to me ever again, I understand, I..."

He looked so cute, flustered about something that simple. She couldn't really see him all that well, but she was sure he was blushing the darkest red possible.

"Relax, Luke, I'm just teasing you," she giggled. "It's normal. It could have happened to any guy."

"Wha..? Really?"

"Of course. Honestly, I'm a little flattered." She smiled slyly, making him whimper in embarrassment.

"Could you do me a favor?" He asked. "Could you maybe... not tell anyone about this?"

"I'd never, Luke," she cupped his cheek and gently moved his face to make him meet her eyes. "It's going to be our secret."

He smiled softly at her. "Thanks for being so understanding."

Bravely, she leaned up and kissed his nose. "No problem."

Just as Luke started to gather enough courage to lean down to kiss her, the lock started rattling. The two snapped their heads in the direction of the door as it opened to reveal Han and Chewbacca on the other side.

"What in the Maker's name are you two doing in here?"

Chewie growled suggestively.

"Shush, Fuzzball, someone locked us in here." Luke dismissed.

He growled again in an attempt to sass Luke.

...

Y/N thought back to her moment with Luke as she sat with her friends on the Falcon. The hopes of him feeling the same way about her rekindled when he got aroused, but she was almost sure that any guy would have been turned on by the closeness in that sort of situation.

Luke surprised himself at how comfortable he was with her after that awkward situation. Maybe if he was braver and not that hopeless, his arousal could have taken the status quo to the next level. After all, if there was anyone he wanted to be touched by, kissed by and held by, it was her. Everything from her soulful eyes to her intelligence, and even her plush lips made him melt-

"Kid, snap out of it!" Han called, making Luke do a double-take on the controls of the Falcon.

"Huh- what?" He blubbered, blushing.

"Could you scooch, please?" Leia asked and Luke complied, sliding onto the chair next to Y/N. He gave her a shining smile and looked at the controls. "Thanks."

Y/N reciprocated his grin, thinking back on the cuddly feeling of his hoodie cocooning her and lulling her to sleep.

"Excuse me..." Leia said and leaned over to Y/N's area to pull a lever. Luke leaned to the side and felt the back of his head rest against a soft cushioning.

"Um, Luke..." Y/N said hesitantly and Luke's eyes widened when he realized he had leaned his head on her breasts.

"Oh, stars-" he said and swiftly got up from his seat, red as a tomato and paced back and forth. "I'm sorry, Y/N, I'm sorry, I didn't do it on purpose! I would never do anything like this to you on purpose! Not that I don't find you attractive enough to- I need to lie down..."

"Kid, for fuck's sake, stop talking." Han said and Y/N chuckled at Luke's antics, shaking her head fondly. She was certainly flustered to have his head on her chest, but him trying to explain himself was too funny not to laugh at.

Meanwhile, Leia watched the scene unfold, pinching the bridge of her nose in frustration. She gave Han a side eye, to which he shook his head in exasperation. They had set him up so perfectly and he still managed to screw it up. "All right, I'm going to go lie down. And make sure Luke didn't die of self-loathing." She waved goodbye to her friends and walked away. As soon as she was out of earshot, Leia looked at Han, clenching her jaw.

"This isn't working. Why isn't this working?" She asked.

"I have no idea. They can't even seem to acknowledge that they both enjoyed the closest thing they ever had to sexual contact." He rolled his eyes.

"I think it's time to pull out the big guns." Leia said and Han tilted his head in curiosity.

"What do you suggest?"

"You have to come on to Y/N. And don't you stop until Luke is red with anger and wants to hit you."

"All right." He patronized, laughing at the thought of Luke trying to punch him.

...

Luke always got along with Han, but right now every word that came out of his mouth made him clench his fists, knuckles turning white.

He couldn't believe he was actually flirting with Y/N.

After encouraging him to make a move all this time, he felt betrayed and fairly angry that he was going after the love of his life even if he clearly had a thing for Leia. He didn't care if he was doing it to prove a point or he was sincerely into her, but he hated it nonetheless.

It started out small, with innocent touches paired with "trouble never looked so goddamn fine", or "I'd do anything for a woman with a knife", all of which made Luke more confused than jealous. But as it escalated into more blunt compliments and pick-up lines, he could barely holding together. At first maybe he chewed on his cheek and pretended not to listen, then he started avoiding eye contact with either of them, and he currently grumbled or growled lowly at everything he said. He was a little relieved to see her sass him in response to his comments, though, his grip on the arm of the chair faltering slightly whenever she responded in a sarcastic way.

Until he had had enough.

"Smile is the second best thing you can do with your lips."

Luke clenched his jaw so hard it could have snapped clean. He struggled to control his angry, shaky breathing as he got up and grabbed Han's arm to pull him to another room.

"Okay, what the fuck, Han!?"

"What?" He said, trying his best to hide the smirk of satisfaction that threatened to creep up on his lips.

"Cut it out. You know I like her, why are you doing this?!" He snapped.

"Maybe I recently saw the light," he shrugged. "Look, you're clearly nowhere close to making a move, so why shouldn't others take a shot?"

Luke opened his mouth to retort, and then closed it. He had a point. If he didn't do something about it, he was going to lose her. And he couldn't afford to lose her to Han. If she was going to end up with someone other than him, he'd prefer that she end up with Leia.

"Fine." He spat, storming out of the room.

He rushed to open a cupboard and grabbed a bottle of alcohol, chugging a questionable amount of it. "What are you doing?"

"I'm clearly not drunk enough to do this," he said, pulling away from the bottle. "Yum, mouthwash that burns."

Han bit back a laugh as Luke clumsily walked to Y/N and pulled her away to speak in private.

"Luke? What's going on?" She asked, not even pointing out his apparent intoxication.

"I can't- I can't do this anymore, Y/N!" He said and her brows furrowed with confusion. "I can't stand to see Han treat you like this so forgive me for going to such drastic measures to prove a point!"

"What are you-" she was cut off by Luke storming over and crashing his lips on hers with such force that she stumbled back. As his action registered in her brain, she melted into the heavenly sensation. She ran a hand through his blonde locks, earning a small gasp from him into the kiss.

As she pulled away, he chased her lips for a split second before slowly opening his eyes, half-lidded gaze shifting to the string of saliva still connecting them. "I'm sorry, I- it was a momentary lapse. But I like you. I like you a lot. And I can't stand the thought of you being with Han. And I just wanted to tell you before you make a choice."

"Oh, Luke..." she said, smiling brightly as she caressed his cheek lovingly. "I don't like Han. He's a great friend but all those pickup lines were scaring the living Force out of me."

He giggled softly, though his face dropped at her lack of response. "I... I get it." He said quietly, trying to avoid her gaze. "I'll leave you alone."

He turned around and walked to the door, shoulders slouched in defeat and she shook her head in fondness, grabbing his wrist to stop him. "Luke, you adorable, oblivious idiot."

She wrapped her arms around his neck and nuzzled their noses together before giving him a softer, sweeter kiss. This time there was no desperation, no urge, no rush. Just the need to make him feel loved and make him see that she doesn't want anyone else but him.

"I, um-" he cleared his throat. "I liked that very much."

"I like you very much." She said, pecking his cheek repeatedly. He giggled like a little boy, blushing. "You seriously thought I'd pick anyone over you? And that the first person would be Han?"

"No, I thought the first person would be Leia," he said and Y/N laughed loudly. "But, yeah, pretty much."

"Normally I'd say that's not true but Leia is gorgeous," she joked and Luke laughed softly, proud to have made her laugh. "And by the way, the list goes you, Leia, literally anyone in the world, and then Han."

He smiled at her, moved by the comment and amused by the joke, and brought her closer to him.

"Why am I after Leia?"

"Because she's so much hotter than you!" She defended.

"Thanks, Y/N!" The princess called, making Luke laugh and Y/N join in.

"You wound me, Y/N." Han said in mock offense.

"Are you guys together yet?" Leia asked, walking in. Luke wrapped an arm around Y/N's waist, smiling proudly as he pulled her closer. She smiled too, leaning her head on his shoulder. "You are?!"

They both nodded, happiness flooding every single inch of them.

"That's amazing! I'm so happy for you!" She said, hugging Y/N and pecking her cheek. "Took you long enough. The way you looked at her without doing anything was becoming very frustrating." She hugged Luke and ruffled his hair.

He rolled his eyes and turned to his new girlfriend, pressing their foreheads together.

"I'm glad I did."

[grugruel]

Bad News 11 |

Parts: 2/2, read part 1 HERE

Pairings: dbf!bucky x f!reader

MDNI/NSFW

Masterlist

Inspired by, Call Me by Your Name

Summary: After giving into your desires, you have a day to spend together with your family. With a guilty contiouns and strong feelings eating away at you, can you ever be with him?

Word count: 5.6k

Warnings: secret-relationship, pinv sex, public sex, thigh riding, choking, creampie, aftercare, petnames (doll, sweet girl), praise, reader being a brat, jealous!bucky, jealous!reader, angst.

AN: Thank you all for the love on part 1, and for participating in my polls! The Bucky fandom is a force to be reckoned with. Hope part 2 is satisfactory, please enjoy! <3

Cold Thoughts

The clouds were in a rush, steadily blowing by my window as I laid sleepless, observing them. Bucky filled my mind, I had to wonder why he hadnt deemed it fit for me to stay with him in his room, I already missed the safety of his embrace. But now I was worried that, perhaps, he had changed his mind.

Sighing, I pulled Buckys blanket tighter around me, nuzzling my face into it. Still smelling him. I considered it for a while, zoning out as I rubbed the fabric between my fingertips.

I was sowing doubts within myself, that combined with my hangover had headache was manifesting. Eliminating any chances I had at sleep.

I wrapped the blanket around my shoulders and left my room, wandering the house in an aimless search for healthier thoughts, but my mind was drifting, always. Secretly hoping that he couldnt sleep either, that his thoughts of me was keeping him up aswell.

I walked outside, into the dim night, hoping that some fresh air would clear my mind of ache and worry. I strolled of the beaten path toward the forest, wandering in the downtrodden trail I had so many times before. The grass was coated with water droplets from yesterdays rain and the scent of it was still in the air, curing my mind and ache. I looked back toward the house, a faint red dot glowed on the upper balcony, igniting a spark of hope inside me, but it faded as quickly as it had appeared, making me think I had imagined it.

I reached the tree line, grazing the treetrunks with my fingertips as I walked past their leaved frontier, the moon shone through the crowns, illuminating the forest floor. I walked silently for a while, contemplating everything as I delved deeper into the forest. But suddenly, I heard the crunching of leaves behind me and the destinct sound of footsteps. I turned around, and there, emerging from the empty fields was Bucky. My heart skipped a beat and we froze as we locked eyes with eachother. A smile crept its way up his lips, mimicking my own. And all my previous worries escaped my mind, he hadnt been able to sleep either and followed me down here. I backed up, and slowly he stalked forward. My heart was beating ferosiously as mischief took the reins, I turned around and ran as quickly as I could manage. I heard his footsteps set of behind me as I was swerving through the trees, blanket flowing behind me, narowly avoiding low hanging branches and bushes ripping my skirt. I squeeled as his footsteps were catching up to me, he was just a few inches behind me.

I ran and ran, figuring that he shouldve caught me by now. I looked back and all of a sudden his hands found my waist, he spun us around and we fell to the forest floor laughing. I landed on top of him, my head coming to rest on his chest as he intentionally took the blow to the ground. Smelling of smoke and cologne, he wrapped one arm around my shoulders and placed the other at the small of my back. Panting, we fought to catch our breaths.

'What are you doing out here doll?' He asked between breaths.

'Couldnt sleep.' I answered and looked up at him, feeling the rise and fall of his chest.

He met my eyes, 'To busy thinking of me?' He teased, stroking strands of hair from my face so he could see me blushing better. I burried my face in his chest, embaressed. He chuckled.

'Whatever.' my voice came muffled through the fabric of his shirt, but the smile that shaped my lips could still be heard in my tone.

'I couldnt stop thinking about you either doll.' He laughed.

I blushed even harder, looking away, smiling so wide it hurt. My feelings for him were getting out of control, 'We've got ourselves in a mess Buck.' I sighed.

'You come down here often?.' He asked, changing the subject and stroked my hair.

'When I need to clear my head.' I told him quietly, playing along.

He quirked an eyebrow and grabbed my chin, moving my face to meet his, 'You needed to clear it tonight? Youre not regretting our time together are you?' He asked, uncertainty in his tone.

I was surprised by his answer, 'No, of course not. Infact, I was afraid you were.' I said, eyebrow furrowing.

He shook his head dissapointedly, 'You have no idea how wrong you are doll.' He told me tilting my chin upward to meet his lips in a soft kiss.

His answer had me smiling for the thousand time, ripping up any doubts I'd previously sown. I lost myself in his kiss, until it made me remember what we needed to discuss. 'Youre distracting me, stop. We have a very real problem Buck.' I told him seriously.

He sighed and sat up, his hand slid from the small of my back to my ass, firmly holding me against him so I wouldnt slide off as placed me neatly in his lap, stradeling him. He planted his hands behind him for support. He leaned in to kiss me again, attempting to get me on other thoughts but I pulled back and looked away nonchalantly. He expression turned displeased, but I payed him no mind. Instead, I focused on rubbing my hands together, trying to warm them as I waited for his answer. He noticed and grabbed my hands, sticking them under his shirt and laying them against his chiseled, warm torso. Hissing from the sudden feeling of my cold hands.

'Our only problem right now is us always finding ourselves in situations where you freeze.' He said, pausing as he grabbed my chin again, tilting it upward so I had to meet his eyes, 'And I always have to warm you up.' He smirked, 'Is that your go-to plan to get me into bed?' He teased again.

'Stop, oh my god.' I shook my head, embaressed again, my face flustered, but smiling increadolously. Until I reminded myself to stay focused, damn. 'You know thats not what I meant though, were always in these situations because we create them.' I told him, my smile fading.

He shook his head, 'I dont want to think about that right now. I have you infront of me, and thats all I ever want think about.' He said and circled his arms around my waist, lifting me so he could reposition himself. Sitting on his knees, then had me stradle him again, hooking my legs around his hips and held my hands at his waist.

He cupped my face and kissed me, 'You've cursed me, you know.' He whispered against my lips, his hands sliding down every curve of my body until they met my hips, grabbing them firmly. His touch putting me in a trance, his already hard to resist charm became even more difficult. I could feel his member hardening through his sweats, automatically pulling myself closer to him and closing the distance between my core and his erection. He hummed in response, 'I dont know what you did to me doll, during that first night we talked this summer.' He said in a strained voice as his hands moved my hips, helping me grind onto his hardness, earning him a whimper from me. 'But youre the only thing I ever think about, the only thing that gets me off.' He grunted, kissing me again, more desperate this time.

Hearing him confirm his feelings for me, struck up a sudden boldness in me and since he did not want to talk about our situation, the least I could do was enjoy myself at his expensd. I hummed, 'And what about the women you visit at night, huh? Whenever you head into town, always clmkng back smelling of womens perfume? You sure im the only thing that gets you off?' I breathed, smirking, as he met my eyes with annoyance.

He grabbed my face with one hand, squishing my cheeks together as his grip on my hip tightened, forcing me to grind down even harder on him. 'That, we dont talk about.' He grunted, kissing me in an attempt to quiet me, feeling finished with the subject. But I was not.

I tore free from his lips, leaning my head into the crook of his neck, kissing that sweet spot and whispering against his skin 'Do you think about me when you fuck them? Couldnt get with your friends daughter so you had to seek out other women, and pretend they were me?' I chuckled, surprised by my own audacity.

He removed the blanket frlm my shoulder, and splayed it out on the ground behind me, then grabbed my throat. He pushed me backward, one hand still supporting my back as he laid me on the ground and leaned over me, 'Does it make you jealous?' He asked and spead my legs, placing himself inbetween them, 'That I sleep with other women, then come home and smell of them?' My smile faded and I rolled my eyes, looking away, refusing to admit that he was right, 'Do you not wish it was you I smelled of instead?' He whispered against my ear and sat back. He flipped my skirt over my hips, making us both gasp. I had not put on any new underwear since he initially ripped them off, which I had completley forgotten about, this was news to the both of us. 'Tsk tsk tsk' he shook his head, pulling his pants down and his erection out. He lined himself up with my entrance and grabbed my hips.

'Doll.' He called, grabbing my attention and I reluctantly met his eyes, prepared for another snarky, probably true comment. But he only looked into my eyes, wordlessly asking for my consent, I nodded in response. My hand left his back, and caressed his cheek instead, loving that he still paid my wants mind although were in the middle of jealous fight sex.

He slid inside me gently, his breathing hitched and I moaned, a smile tugging at his lips from my reaction. Immedietly setting a rough pace, the noise of slapping skin filled the forest as the moon shone upon us. We didnt need to worry about people hearing us out here, 'Let me hear you doll.' He ordered, kissing my neck and sucking at my sweet spot. I moaned loudly, following his request, my hands roaming over his chest and back underneath his shirt. Nuzzling my face into his hair, 'Harder, faster. Please buck.' I whispered. He hummed, kissing his way down my torso and stumache, then sitting up. His hands moved back to my hips to get better leverage, and began thrusting ferociously, helping my hips meet his thrusts with his hands. 'Holy f-' I began, but my words died in my throat as a string of moans took their place.

'C'mon girl.' He urged, moving one hand to my clit, circling it with his thumb. Closing in on my orgasm.

'Yes, yes.' I hissed, the pressure building in me. His breathy moans in sync with his thrusts were pushing me over the edge, I came hard and fast, moaning loudly. Bucky continued, chasing his own high. He was not far behind me as he came himself, pulling out just in time for his seed to spurt onto my stumache. I laid splayed out on the forest floor while Bucky tucked himself away, he slid his thumb through the fluid on my stumache and held it out for me to taste. And I did,, enthusiastically I licked and sucking his thumb clean, 'Good girl.' He said proudly and pulled back, grabbing my chin and kissing me, still tasting a bit of himself.

He knelt beside me and scooped me up in his arms, 'We need to get you cleaned up before anyone wakes, sweet girl.' He said and stood up, kissing me on the forehead. He carried me back to house, half asleep in his arms. He quietly carried me upstairs, set me in the bath, filled it, cleaned me and gave me one of his shirts and shorts, then laid me back into my bed. He took the blanket, but I protested. 'I need to clean it for you.' He said.

I shook my head, 'No, please. It smells of you. Of us.'I whispered and pulled on it.

'Its dirty. . .' He insisted, but I stared him down, my grip on it proved unrelenting. He sighed, 'Fine, just let go for a sec.' He asked, and I did. He threw the bottom half through the window and shook it off, then covered me with it. The cool fabric kissed my skin, prickling it with goosebumps.

'Thank you.' I smiled.

'Try to get some proper sleep.' He whispered.

'I wont be able to if you leave.' I told him quietly, and he tilted his head to the side, looking at me with sympathetic eyes. He hesitated for a second, but laid down beside me, letting me curl up to him as he laid an arm around me. And we stayed just like that, frozen in time until I had fallen asleep and he moved back into his own room.

When I eventually woke up again, I stayed in bed for a while, wallowing, tracing the empty dent beside me, feeling its cool. I mustve slept alone for a few hours at least. The morning sun was colouring my room in soft shades of gold, warming my back as I laid faced away from the window. Giving me enough strength to start my day.

I wandered into the garden and watched the sunrays find their way through the swaying leaves of the willow tree as I laid down in the grass underneath, cherishing the sunlight as it speckled my skin with warmth, varying with the cool of the shade. The house had yet to wake up, and I suspected my family of being dangerously hungover. Sighing, I closed my eyes and my mind drifted back to bucky. His touch still fresh on my skin as I imagined the warmth from the sun as his hands, caressing my body. His soft words whispered in my ear as a love song from the 80s started playing in the kitchen, my mother was awake. My thoughts switched, the cool of the shade began reminding me of his abscene, of our strange situation and the sweetness of reminiscence quickly soured into guilt. My mothers prescence was reminding me of our betrayal, it gnawed at every positive thought I had. The guilt of our actions, the feeling that we'd made a mistake by betraying my parents trust in this way. Surely we couldnt go on, it would be immoral for either of us to do so. Yet, my biggest concern was Bucky reciprocating those feelings.

'Good morning honey.' My mother greeted me as she entered the garden and I opened my eyes.

Dazed I responded, 'Morning mom.' And stood up to help her set down plates of food for breakfast, 'Wheres the rest of the house?' I asked, following her back inte the kitchen.

'On their way, dads just brushing his teeth and your brothers somewhere around here' Sha said, handing me watermelon slices and the radio. I hummed, avoiding the abvious question. As we set down the last of the food, we took our places at the table. My father and brother joining us a few moments later, looking rather rough and we dug in.

'So, everyone ready for a day at the beach?' My father asked with a bright, sarcastic smile as the bags under his eyes gave him away. My brother and I wooped ironically, making my mother laugh. Everyone was still reeling from the aftermath of the alcohol. 'How about we continue drinking instead?' He asked again, and my mother eyed him unapreciatively. But this time we wooped enthusiastically. 'I thought we could spend the day in town, get dinner, then move to a bar.' He suggested, which actually sounded appealing.

'Sounds like a plan.' Came a voice from the doorway, Bucky. 'Good morning, party people.' He said cheapishly and we responded with tired chuckles, greeting him. He sat down at the table, doing his and my brothers silly handshake, as their bromance comamanded them to.

Conversations were stuck up, my parents were deep in discussion about buying new clothes for my father, and they roped me in for my opinions on the matter. My brother and Bucky were talking about something else, 'Sleep well?' He asked Bucky, suddenly grabbing my attention. I looked at him and our eyes met, exchaning glances and knowing smiles.

'Never slept better.' He asnwered, facing away, grinning into his food and I chuckled silently.

'Yeah, whats so funny?' My brother asked, glancing between the two of us.

'Nothing, just. . . A joke I remembered.' Bucky managed, smiling, I continued with my own conversation as my sweet, oblivious brother wanted to hear the joke aswell and Bucky had to bullshit answers.

When breakfast was done, we got ready to head into town, then gathering outside by the front of the house. 'Car or bikes?' Asked my father, 'Someones gonna have to abstain from drinking if we take the car.' He said apologeticly.

'How about-' I began.

'Well-' my brother also cut in, about to suggest something, but dad interuppted the both of us.

'Oor, how about this?' he said, raising a finger in the air, 'We take the car into town, and walk home.' He clapped his hands together, as if it was the most genuis thing, 'Fantastic idea guys.' He said, laying an arm around each of us, smiling proudly.

I met ny brithers eyes and shook my head, we laughed, 'Sure, sounds great dad.' I answered to appease him.

'Theres only 4 seats in the car.' Bucky pointed out, making dads smile fall and let go of us.

He put a finger to his mouth, deep in thought and spoke 'Someones gonna have to share, your mother and I are upfront. We'll leave this to the three of you.' He said, laying an arm around my mothers shoulder as she put her hand on his chest, nodding approvingly.

Raising my brows, I looked at the other two. They were as surprised as me, but we huddled together, discussing our plans. 'Whats up with dad?' I asked and my brother cut in.

'This much drinking and breaking safety rules?' He pointed out, sounding stunned.

'He gets like this sometimes, hes excited. Leave him be.' Bucky defended him, my brother raised his hands, backing off from the subject. The three of us exchanged glances, I already knew who I wanted to share with, but I couldnt just say it. Buckys gaze lingered on mine, he was thinking the same thing.

'Well?' I looked at them expectantly, 'Im sorry to say but, the idea of sitting in your lap, brother.' I said, overly pronouncating the last word, 'Isnt very appealing.'

'Yeah? Im not thrilled about the prospect of either of you, sister or mr muscle man over here. You must weigh a ton dude.' He gestured towards Bucky, who rolled his eyes.

'Why dont you sit in Bucks lap then?' I teased, to which Bucky huffed.

My brother mimicked my expression and mocked my words, 'Why dont you sit- bla bla bla, you sit in his lap then.' He said annoyed, my stumache tickled, the butterflies were waking up.

'I- whatever, im tired of this.' I told him, feigning irritation because the decision was taking to long.

Bucky clapped his hands together, 'Its decided, youre sitting with me doll, I dont see another outcome.' He said, sounding impatient but acting nonchalant.

'Sure. Its all the same to me.' I said, boredom lining my voice and shrugged, all the while the butterflies in my stumache were waltzing.

We degrouped and rejoined my parents, 'Im sitting with Buck.' I declared.

'Fantastic! He'd act as the strongest belt anyway, keep her safe.' My father said, elbowing Bucky in the side, to which he nodded. A pang of guilt hit me, dad has so much trust in Bucky. I met his eyes, my eyebrows furrowing. He tilted his head, sharing my feelings. I had to look away.

'Really, C'mon, dad.' My brother raised his hands in the air, attacked from nowhere.

'Sorry son, youre not, not strong.' Dad said, as it was any better and opened the car door for mom, then took his place by the stearing wheel. My brother sighed, defeated and took his own seat. Bucky opened the door, sat down and patted his thigh, nodding his head for me to sit. I inhaled a shaky breath and sat in his lap, he snaked his arms around my waist and held me tightly in place.

The car ride wasnt to long, and it was relatively uneventful. We were talking about nothing special, when Bucky, from nowhere grabbed my thigh. He unhooked the arm closest to the door from my waisr and laid his hand on the outside of my thigh, as invisible as it could come. He slid it up toward the hem of my skirt and massaged circles with his thumb. He grabbed the hem, snaking his fingers under it, grabbing the fabric and pulling upward to reveal more skin. I clutched his wrist in warning, and he pecked my shoulder in apology. I looked around the car, making sure everyone was minding their own business. They were talking, and we were answering questions and asking them in return, all the while bucky was stroking my thigh, a strange feeling. Unexpectedly, there was a bump in the road, I wouldve gone airborn if Bucky hadnt pulled me tighter against him. But in the same motion, I accidentaly grinded against his lap. And he grunted at the feeling, playing it off as a cough. 'Everything alright back there?' Mom asked.

Dad hissed, 'Sorry you guys, didnt see that bump!' Dad apologised.

'We're-' I began, feeling Bucky getting hard beneath me, 'Im- im fine, it wasnt to bad!' I assured him. I was getting flashbacks to the forest, Bucky hard beneath me, grinding against erection. Us kissing, him touching my body. I grabbed his wrist harder from the memories, clearing my throat. Bucky squeezed my thigh, then moved his hand to my waist, hooking his finger through a belt loop on my skirt and left it there for what remained of the ride. By the time we arrived, Buckys hard on had disappeared.

We were crusing the streets, checking out interesting shops and getting clothes for dad. Passing time and enjoying eachothers company. We got dinner and sat outside as we cought the last rays of the efternoon sun, laughing and chatting, sipping more wine. It made me think of the time before Bucky and I had anything to hide, when there were no overhanging secrecy to our dynamic. When we could talk and hang out with no hidden meaning behind our words or glances. When we didnt have to second guess my familys knowledge of our actions. It brought me into a somber mood, and Bucky being unwilling to discuss us was not helping. I wish I could push the guilt aside like he seems to, and just enjoy the happy parts of our conjoining instead. But at the end of the day, their my family. Their expectations were not weighing him down the same way they did me. My fathers voice brought me out of my thoughts, or rather the subject of his words did.

'You gonna have any women meet us at the bar Buck?' He asked him, it was a serious question but he laughed as he asked it. Knowing it was something Bucky rather kept to himself.

Buck chuckled in annoyance, 'Always as funny.' A strained smile forming on his lips. This, I was not in the mood for. I took my wine glass, hastily drinking it.

'Whats your plan, have anyone you wanna settle down with?' My mother asked him innocently, obviously unaware of my feelings regarding the matter. Bucky glanced around nervously, clearly embaressed by the grilling. His eyes met mine for a second, looking apologetic. Which only annoyed me more, I poured myself another glass of wine and finished it within minutes. My drinking was alarming him as he shut the questions down with a bunch of, 'Im not sure.' And 'We'll see.' Trying to be kind although it was bothering him.

'Lay off him.' My brother spoke, 'Youre like hawks, damn.' And Bucky gave him a grateful nod in return.

I pinched the bridge of my nose, pushing a smile 'Should we get going?' I asked, eager to leave their conversation behind me.

My father immedietly waved a waiter down, 'Great idea!' The waiter was a cute guy around my age, and with my annoyance at Bucky, concerning us, concerning his women, it resparked the jelousy in my already bad mood. So I flirted with the guy, and gave him my number as he left.

My mother had been eyeing him aswell, 'He was cute.' She whispered to me.

'Right?' I nodded, smiling.

'Im sitting right here.' Dad objected, crossing his arms and pouting. Mom stroked his shoulder apologeticly.

'Yeah, so cute.' My brother cut in sarcastically, and I slapped him playfully on the arm, rolling my eyes.

Bucky sat in silence, pinning me with his gaze and trying his very best to hide the irritation that was bubblig up inside him. Which only made me smile brighter, I had found a way to lighten my mood, and simultaneously found my entertainment for the night. It wasnt really his fault, I shouldnt be taking my frustration out on him. But I was in a devilish mood.

As we found our way to the bar, my brother and dad took the lead in drinking, I was hanging back a little bit. The mjsic was blaring through the speakers, 'Seen anyone of interest?' Dad half-shouted at Bucky.

He looked at me and smirked, 'As a matter of fact I have.' Bucky said and stood up from the bar, walking toward me. My eyes widened, I was horrified. He wasnt gonna expose us, was he? But turns out, I was worried for naught. Because he walked right past me to the woman sitting behind me, and immedietly began flirting with her. I had to clench my jaw to stop it from falling to the floor, anger sizzled inside me as I looked at them. I met his eyes for a second and he winked at me, oh game on.

I stomped onto the dance floor, found the first good looking guy I saw and laid my arms around his neck. 'Well hello cutie.' He shouted over the music.

'Hey there stranger, wanna dance?' I asked loudly, and he nodded enthusiastically. We locked hands as we danced together, he twirled me in circles, stopped me, put his hands on my waist and pulled me close to him, my back against his chest as I swayed my hips to the music and he followed my movements. His hands were sliding up my thighs as I threw a glance Buckys way, who was staring at me, I could see him clenching his fist from here. He turned back to the woman, his furious expression melting into charm as he stroked a strand of hair behind her ear, she laid a hand on his knee in return. I cursed him silently, I had to one up him. 'Twirl me.' I told the guy and he did, then pullled me close again, hands found their way back to my waist, but we were chest to chest this time. I traced a finger along his jaw as we danced, I leaned closer to his ear and asked 'Kiss me?' and he obliged, not even taking a second to think about it, his lips met mine. When I looked back to where Bucky was sitting, he quickly averted his gaze from mine. Said something to the woman, to which she grabbed his hand and led him toward the exit. I began panicking, surely he wouldnt sleep with her? 'Could you excuse me for a second, I'll be right back.' I said in a hurried tone and made my way to the exit. I passed my family, who were caught up in a lively discussion, with several empty shotglasses infront of them. They wouldnt notice that I was missing for a while. I opened the door and stepped outside, he stood leaned against the railing enclosing the outdoor seating are, watching me as I approached him. The sound of the music druzzled iut into the air as the door shut behind me, only the thumping could be heard through the exterior. He was smoking, and the woman was nowhere to be seen. I breathed out a sigh of relief as a weight dissapeared from my heart. 'I thought you went home with her.' I said and leaned against the railing next to him, holding onto it.

He chuckled in disbelief, shaking his head 'Would that have been taking it to far?' He asked and took a drag of his cigarette.

I looked at him with furrowed brows and wet eyes, tears welling in them. 'What are we doing Buck?' I asked sniffing, 'To ourselves, to eachother, to my family.'

He looked at me, anger melting away from him as he saw my face, 'I care about you, and you care about me. Why should anything else matter?' He asked, sighing.

'Because, you do not care for me the way youre expected to, or I you. My feelings for you pass far beyond what they should be for the best friend of my dad.' I whispered, he took another drag and laid his hand on top of mine, stroking circles with his thumb. I looked down at our hands, noting the difference in size and age, 'I just- I wish you could hold me right now, but its not possible. We will never be able to have a normal relationship.' I said, my voice breaking as tears start falling down my cheeks.

'Doll, please.' He began with sadness in his tone. But I couldnt take it any longer, I pulled my hand away and ran, ran down the street, ran until the music had completley faded. My blood rushed through my ears, I could hear nothing but my own heartbeat. And for the second time today, he caught me. He circled his arms around me and pulled me into the nearest empty alleyway. 'You need to stop running from me, doll.' He panted against my ear, backing me up against a cold stone wall. 'Listen to me, please.' He grabbed my face, turning me to look at him but I closed my eyes and shook my head, I just couldnt deal with it right now, with him. 'Please, please. . . Doll.' He whispered in desperation, something in his voice compelled me, reluctantly, I opened my eyes. 'Youre everything to me, we'll get through this. I dont know when and I dont know how, but we will.' He said and cupped my face, stroking tears from my cheeks. I wanted to belive him so desperately, I leaned my head against the wall, looking up at the light from a streetlamp. 'I promise.' He whispered and kissed my collarbone, kissing his way up my neck and along my jaw. I tilted my head down to face him, hovering my lips over his, 'I promise.' He repeated, his breath humid on my lips and I met them in a feverish kiss. I would have him anyway I could.

'Your mine, Buck. Im yours, take me.' I breathed between kisses, he slid his hands down my body, down my thighs and under my skirt, finding purchase under my ass and in one smooth motion raised me into his arms. I circled my legs around his hips as he leaned me against the wall, his hands free to unbuckle his belt. I kissed him wildly, desperately, I just needed him. As his belt was unbuckled his hands returned to my waist and the small of my back, I put my hands down his pants and stroked him, earning myself a grunt from him. I pulled him out, pulled my panties to the side and lined him up with my entrance, impatient for the feeling of him filling me up. 'Please Bucky, just yours.' I whispered, and he didnt hesitate, lowering me onto his length as he slid inside. Setting a hard pace as he helped my hips rut against his every thrust. I snaked my arms around his shoulders, holding onto his neck and hair for support as a scream almost slipped out of me, but I let my head fall against his shoulder and bit down in his flesh, skin and fabric muffling my scream. He hissed at the sensation, but didnt mind all that much. The sound of rough slapping echoed through the alley, making me realise how dangerous this was. Someone could walk by any moment, 'Faster Buck.' I ordered and his pace hastened. Pressure was building inside me, I was close to coming. Buckys relentless thrusting was pushing me over the edge, quickly I came in a blind, white hot surge of pleasure. Moaning against his skin as he kissed my neck, his pace becoming irregular and came himself shortly after me.

All of a sudden I heard footsteps passing by the alley, Bucky and I froze as we simultaneously looked the other way, hiding our faces. There was a whispered 'Holy shit.' And laughing from the street as they ran away. We sighed in relief and he set me down on shaky legs, he tucked himself away and simultaneously we began laughing. Uncontrollaby, the strangeness of this whole situation had us giggling like school girls, all the while I could feel him dripping out of me.

As we caught our breath, he hugged me 'We need to be more careful doll.'

I leaned back and side-eyed him, 'You dont say?'

He grabbed my chin and kissed me 'Dont give me attitude right now.' He whispered against my lips and circled an arm around my waist for support. Silently and slowly we made our way back to the bar, ready to end the night.

When we arrived, my family was emerging from the bar and waved when they saw us. 'I was wondering where you'd gone off to!' Dad exclaimed.

'Someone wanted to go for a walk' Bucky said, nodding to me, 'And seeing as she couldn't walk straight I figured it'd be best if I accompanied her.' He chuckled.

'What a gentleman, looking after our girl.' Mom said, adoration in her gaze as she looked at Bucky. I chuckled, straining to repress a second outburst of laughter and Bucky poked me in the ribs in silent warning.

'Good man!' Dad said and punched Bucky playfully on the shoulder, 'But we should really get going if we want to arrive home before the sun comes up.'

'And whos fault is that?' I asked, daring fate.

Dad quirked an eyebrow at my remark and ruffled my hair. 'Lets go kiddo.' He laid an arm around me, taking Buckys place and we were homebound.

I threw a glance his way as Bucky fell into pace next to my brother, who was chatting naerrily with him. Bucky nodded, mouthing 'Its okay doll.'

Accepting that this was our reality.

Tags: @larajadeschmidt13 @cjand10

[tarotwithlove]

18+ only ⋆ messages from your future spouse

reminder that this is a general reading and messages found here may not apply to everyone. take what resonates, leave what doesn't, and don't force anything if it does not fit

BOOK A READING WITH ME · TWITTER · TIPS ♡ tips and feedback are highly appreciated

☆ GROUP ONE

cards pulled ⋆ ten of wands (rx), king of pentacles, four of pentacles (rx), the tower, the hierophant

channelled songs ⋆ closer by nine inch nails · geyser by mitski · holy terrain by fka twigs

“i don't understand how it happened. how someone as pure as you could ever let someone like me touch you, let alone be the first to touch you.

i think about that time so often... the anxious look in your eyes and the way you held onto me, so tight and only tighter the further i pushed inside you. your nails digging into me. marking me as yours.

nobody trusted me like you did in that moment. nobody's trusted me like that since.

you've made this old man very happy, do you know that? it's a happiness i never expected to feel in my wildest dreams, let alone every day of every year we've been together.

you came to me like a baby bird. stumbling. unsure of anything related to sex but eager anyways.

you pushed me to become a better lover–to go outside of my comfort zone in order to keep up with that insane sex drive of yours. and i've enjoyed every moment of it. playing teacher. playing student. playing as whatever you want just to see that smile on your face. you've made me confident... not only as a lover, but as a person...

i could go through every day knowing i have someone back home who wanted me as desperately, as passionately, as i wanted them. who dug into me every night and left tear stains on my skin from how good they were enjoying me. who only i could satisfy”

☆ GROUP TWO

cards pulled ⋆ seven of wands, justice (rx), the fool, four of wands, death (rx), nine of wands (rx)

channelled songs ⋆ bambi by baekhyun · off to the races by lana del rey · eighteen (end of my world) by key

“who knew a random hook-up would lead us where we are. this beautiful relationship. this marriage.

i find myself wondering, though, when it all started to go wrong... when did the spark die... i don't love you any less, and i know that you don't love me any less, but when did sex start to feel like a chore? when did it get so mechanical?

to the point where at times neither of us even orgasm. i miss how it used to be, when we were driven by love as much as by passion. this insane passion that only you could quench in me.

you've become so closed off from me. you don't look me in the eye when we have sex and turn away from me as soon as it's over. i don't want that anymore. i miss you. i miss us. i miss the sex that we used to have.

i sit across from you and want to ask you to try something new. to even consider it. handcuffs. strap-ons. sex therapy. anything to bring some kind of excitement back into our sex life.

but i bite my tongue.

i'm scared that your issue is with me. that the sex is so empty and unfulfilling because you don't desire me anymore–that you don't desire this body that has seen so much and changed so much from the body you fell in love with.”

☆ GROUP THREE

cards pulled ⋆ temperance (rx), the fool, ace of swords (rx), seven of pentacles (rx), page of swords

channelled songs ⋆ time lapse by nct 127 · i didn't mean to fall in love by snoh aalegra · cough it out by the front bottoms

“i became consumed by you, by love and passion for you. there was something in me that lay dormant until i met you, and ever since you awakened it all i could think about is how to satisfy it.

i've spent the years of our marriage falling deeper and deeper in love with you. wanting you more as each day passes.

i never thought i could have this with anyone but looking back it makes sense that i have this with you. you're my best friend. you're the only person who i can share my burdens with. who i trust to take control in the bedroom. when we have sex i know i can put it all in your hands. give it all up to you and come out with the both of us not just satisfied but experiencing pure bliss.

you've opened my mind to so many things. the fluidity of my own sexuality and gender. the limitless depths of the pleasure we can share.

we've explored so much together and whether it's you between my legs or me between yours, whether it's with a camera trained on us or the blindfold you lovingly tie around my eyes, i know i'm going to enjoy it.

you're on my mind all the time. the taste of you on my tongue for hours. and im not happy until i come home to you at the end of the day.

i'm so in love with you, to the point of weakness.”

☆ GROUP FOUR

cards pulled ⋆ seven of cups (rx), the tower, page of pentacles (rx), judgement, eight of wands

channelled songs ⋆ all up in your mind by beyoncé · digital get down by *nsync · amusement park by baekhyun

“my love, my lust for you may have cooled down in the years we have been together but it has never disappeared. and it never will.

you're the only one for me, and you know it. the only person who can satisfy me. the only person who can truly fulfill me (and fill me). to me, you're the embodiment of sexual energy. and after all these years, i still don't entirely know how to deal with it.

one sniff of your perfume, one whisper of your breath against my neck, one word spoken in your voice, and i'm ready to abandon everything i'm doing to have you drag me to bed. or the couch. or the floor. anywhere, as long as i get to have you.

you still don't seem to realise the effect you have on me. and that only makes me want you more.

and sometimes i think i don't fully understand the effect i have on you either. when you look at me with hungry eyes, as if you want to devour me. as if the very thought of separating after we have sex upsets you. ruins your mood.

i've never felt so seen, so understood, so loved than when i'm in your arms and you look at me like that.

i want to bare my neck to you and tell you to bite me as hard as you can. to just mark me as yours. but it's so ridiculous and redundant. i've never been anybody elses, not really, and neither have you.”

[lostbetweenvampiresandmusic]

19 with Dwayne please!!🫶

"I'm trapped! The sun's coming up and - please help... please?"

I hope you like this!💜

------------------------------

I took a slow, deep breath as I looked at my surroundings. Rocks. The ground was solid rock, the walls were solid rock - and I had no idea how I was going to get out of here. If I had fed, like Dwayne had advised me, I might have been able to fly out of the hole I'd found myself trapped in. The problem was that I hadn't been able to. I couldn't feed. I had frozen up, I had panicked, I had looked on in horror when the boys tore their victims apart...

I hadn't known what to do. I had been scared, not realising that this was what they had in mind when it came to feeding. It hadn't even been my decision - to change, that is. I hadn't been ready to change. I definitely hadn't been ready to feed. But Max had demanded that I changed and fed, and so David and the others were obliged to follow his command. Dwayne had told me so, just so I would know that it wasn't his choice to force me into this. I had known that. I had also known that I had no choice: if I didn't do as the boys told me, they would be in trouble. Honestly, no one would be able to win in this situation. And, honestly, I somehow managed to let both me and the boys loose. Great.

I sighed, ignoring the hunger I felt. When they'd talked about feeding, I had imagined a quick, clean hunt. A single bite, draining one victim of its blood, and that was it. I thought it would be similar to what one would see in those old black and white movies. This bloodbath? It was horrifying. And in my fear, I'd done something stupid.

I stood on the top of the hill, frozen, trying to catch my breath and failing to do so. And there he was, holding my hands, grounding me.

"Breathe, love. Look at me," he said softly, waiting for me to do so. He pulled me closer, embracing me. We stood there for a while until I pushed away.

"It's horrible." I said after a while, my voice no louder than a whisper.

"The first time always is. It doesn't matter whether you kill quick or slow - people have to die in order for us to thrive."

"I don't - not like this.. you never said it would be like this? You- why would you not tell me?"

Dwayne sighed. "Because I knew how you'd respond. If it were up to me, we would have gone about it differently."

"Then why didn't you?"

"It wasn't up to me. You know that."

I was beginning to feel angrier with the second, and he just stayed calm. Compassionate. He understood. And that, above all else, pissed me off.

"You could have stopped them."

"No."

"You could have told me! You could have told me that I'd have to slaughter people like that!" I yelled at him.

"If I hadn't brought you here tonight, you would have been force fed by our sire. You don't want that."

"You don't know what I want! I didn't want any of this! I didn't want to -" I paused to take a breath, turning away from him. "I hate what you made me."

And then I ran. Over the hills, through the trees, all the way back to the cave. I sprinted down the stairs, slipping the final step and landing badly on my ankle. I cried out, both in pain and frustration. I got up, limping further and further into the cave, deeper than I'd ever been before. I couldn't see, and I just kept moving forward. Until forwards stopped. And the ground beneath me disappeared. I screamed as I fell, crying out when I landed.

I had already realised that I wouldn't get out of here on my own. There was no way I could climb up the smooth, rock walls. I sunk to the ground, leaning my head on my knees. I sighed, taking a deep breath, and realised I was crying. I hated how I'd lashed out at him, what I'd said, and how I ran. I hated that I had hurt him, that I let my fear control me - and how stupid I was for not talking about feeding before going with them. I cried until my tears no longer fell down my cheeks. It was only then, after I had stopped crying that I looked up. The pit I was in had gotten lighter.

I stared up with wide eyes, realising that I could see the night sky. The moon was still high, but I could already see the sky beginning to lighten, a dark orange visible. I shivered at the thought of this - sunlight would enter this pit. I would get severely burned if I didn't get out - apparently, even half vampires could not stay in the sun for long without experiencing any harm. If I didn't get out, my last conversation with Dwayne would have been one where I'd been angry and scared. Where I told him I hated him. That while I could say without a single doubt that he was the only person on this planet I ever truly loved. And I hadn't even gotten the chance to tell him that yet.

He had been my friend when I lost my friends. I had been his when some kids almost gotten them killed. I had learned to love life through him, and he'd told me that somehow I had made his eternity seem way too short. I had started leaving him little gifts whenever I had to leave the cave during the day, and I noticed that he did the same if he had to leave me in the early morning. No matter what happened, I realised he was my home. Every day, I woke up, excited by the prospect of seeing him again, of being with him again - and now, stubborn and scared as I was, I was about to burn in the sunlight without ever telling him what he meant to me.

"I don't know where they went. They're not here." I heard Paul's voice in the distance. The boys had come back home.

"Are you sure? Where else would -"

"Dwayne?!" I called out, my voice thick and raw.

I heard footsteps running towards me, and I called out again.

"I'm trapped! The sun's coming up, and please help... please?" My last please came out uncertain, almost as a plea.

"How did you get in here? Are you alright?" Dwayne stood at the edge of the pit, looking down at me.

"I think so. I didn't pay attention to where I was going and-"

I stopped talking as Dwayne jumped down, landing next to me as if it was nothing. I looked at him, not sure what to do. "I'm sorry for how I lashed out."

"I know," he nodded. "Next time, don't yell at the one who's always been there for you."

I nodded, trying to ignore the tears welling up in my eyes. He softly brushed them away with his thumb before holding me and flying up to the edge of the pit. We didn't say anything to each other as we retreated to my bedroom, both getting ready to go to sleep.

"I was so scared that the last thing I'd said to you would have been that I hated you." I said softly, unable to sleep.

Dwayne looked at me but didn't say anything, so I continued. "Because I don't. I don't hate that you changed me. I'm scared sometimes about what it all means, but I know -" I sighed, taking a deep breath. "I realised down there that - I, well, I don't think I can describe how much I actually love you. And I never even told you that..."

"You told me now." His hand brushed lazily through my hair. "And I'm glad you did."

"Me too," I said softly. I looked up to him, my head laying on his chest, my hand loosely in his free one, when he gave me a soft kiss on my forehead.

"I love you too."

[plentyoffandoms]

Main Masterlist ♡ Video Games Masterlist

Bringing in the New Year

Simon "Ghost" Riley x f/Reader

Just like all my other stories, this has not been proofread, but please enjoy.

Warnings: Some swearing. Oral (f & m receiving), fingering unprotected sex, p in v. Mention of butt plug & anal. Cum swallowing.

Gifs and photos do not belong to me. 1st gif: @lethalchiralium

The cover photo was found online. If it is yours, please let me know so I can properly give credit.

Smut below the cut

WC: 763

Summary: Ghost decides to ring in the New Year's in a different way.

My hands rubbed her thighs, inching closer to where I needed to be the most.

The music faded into the background as the only music to my ears were the moans that fell from her lips as I sank to my knees in front of her.

"Si," was all she got out before her voice broke out into a moan.

"Shh, come on now, my Angel. No one else needs to hear those pretty noises that are just supposed to be for me." Like anyone would hear. We are in the master bathroom, which is off limits to everyone else, but I know how loud my girl can get.

I wasn't surprised that she wasn't wearing any underwear, but I was shocked at how wet she was.

"What made you this wet, Angel?" I asked her as I slid one of my fingers in her pussy, making her once more gasp out my name.

I mentally shook my head. If she was like this with just one finger, then she was already gone.

"I asked you a question." I stated.

"You. Always you, Simon."

"Good girl." I smiled at her. She is one of the few people who actually get to see me smile.

I leisurely thrust my finger in and out her pussy, not ready to speed this up, but she started to whine that she needed more.

"I got you, Love." I told her as I added another finger, and licked one long strip on her pussy with my tongue, moaning at the taste of her.

I wrapped my lips around her clit and started to suck as I fingered her.

My name fell from her lips like a prayer, and I knew she was getting close, but just as she was about to finish, I pulled my fingers and mouth away, making her cry out.

"What the fuck Simon?" I chuckled at her little angry outburst. I licked my lips as I stood, tasting her on my mouth. Knowing I will still be tasting her for the rest of the night.

I wrapped my hand around her throat and gently squeezed, making her eyes flutter.

I let go of her throat, "Turn around Angel." She did as I asked. I unzipped my jeans just enough for me to pull myself out.

I gripped my cock in my hand, jerking it a few times as I placed it against her entrance, but something caught my eye before I even pushed in.

A heart-shaped butt plug was nestled in her ass. I didn't move, as I just stared at it. "Simon?" She started to turn around to see what if I was okay, and that broke me out of my trance.

I slammed my cock into her, making her scream my name, her head flung back, which gave me the opportunity to pull her head back so I could look down into her eyes as I brutally fucked her pussy.

"You trying to kill me?"

"Stretching out that pretty ass for me?"

Just the thought of fucking her ass was bringing me to the edge much quicker than I would like.

"Gonna fuck you all night."

"Kick everyone out."

I saw a bit of drool dribble out of the corner of her mouth, and her eyes were half-closed.

"Cock drunk for me? Love my cock don't you Angel." Not even a question, just a statement.

I kept up this brutal pace, my hips slamming into her ass, making sure to grind against it here and there, to force my cock to hit the tip of her cervix and to push the plug even deeper.

She came, squeezing my cock as tight as she could, screaming my name. Her pussy felt like it was choking my cock and I wasn't far behind.

I made sure to fuck her through her orgasm before I pulled out of her pussy and pushed her onto her knees, jerking my cock as she wrapped her lips around the head and took me as far as she could down her throat.

I could hear our guests downstairs, counting down, my hand quickly jerking my cock as the two of us stared into each others eyes.

"5....4....3....2..." I groaned her name as I stilled, my cum filling her mouth as she quickly swallowed.

"1! Happy New Year's." Everyone was shouting downstairs.

"Fuck me. Haply New Year's Angel." I said in between, trying to catch my breath.

With a loud pop, my sensitive cock fell from her cum stained lips.

"Mm, Happy New Year's, Si."

[iamatinydinosaur]

🌲John Dory🌲

Can a Hike Be a First Date?

Things between you and John has been going really good. You have been getting to know each other in a more "more than friends" way. (Wink wonk but not all the way wink wonk) You have also been learning more things about each other. However, you haven't been on a first date yet. You decided that John would pick your first date. He told you to wear something comfy and he would would come for you today.

You sat at your kitchen table, picking your favourite photos of you and John to put in photo frames while you waited for him. You found one you absolutely loved.

(Hiro Mashima senpai is an artist I love so much. Gray and Juvia my fav ship in fairy tail. Followed closely by Jerza)

"Hey babe." John said, walking into your pod. He gave you a quick kiss and looked at the photo you had. "I love that photo. Anyway you ready to go?" He asked eating a plum in your fruit bowl. You nodded and jumped up. "Where are we going?" You asked, taking his hand as you walked. "Well I thought we could go for a hike!" He exclaimed. You looked at him speechless. "What?" He asked. "A hike. For a first date?" You asked. He grinned and nodded. "I think it will be good, just wait until we get to the place we are hiking to." He said squeezing your hand. He noticed you were still hesitant. "You can pick the next date." He said kissing your cheek. You know John loves the outdoors, but you weren't fond of this idea.

The hike wasn't as bad as you thought it was mainly flat, not many uphills. You just enjoyed your time with him. John has been really opening up to you. He spoke about how his actions towards his brother has really effected him. You were the only one he has spoken to about this.

"How you feeling?" John turned to you and wiped some sweat off your face with a napkin. You had been hiking for 3 hours now. "I'm good, I feel if I wasn't with you I would not of had a good time." You said grabbing his arm. John blushed. He felt content with you and didn't feel the need to be perfect. You accepted all his flaws. Yes he was older but he didn't feel he needed to protect you as much as he did feel he needed to protect his brothers. You took the burden from him. Helped him when things were getting tough for him. He really loved you for that, how much you cared for him.

John noticed he was getting to the place he wanted to show you. He found it when he was on his own and promised that if he ever found someone he truly loved he would show them this place. You made it up the trail to this cave. You notice Rhonda at the entrance of the cave. You looked at John surprised. "What I feel like you would be tired after this so I would drive us back." John said, scratching the back of his neck not looking at you. You loved when he got shy. You kissed his cheek.

You two made yourself through the cave. It was so dark so you stayed close to JD. Slowly as you got deeper a dim light got brighter and brighter until the cave expanded. Your eyes got wider every step you took into the opening of this cave

"I said to myself if I ever found someone I loved so much. I would take them here. You're the first person I shared this with." Josh said smiling down at you. You eyes filled with tears. You jumped and wrapped your arms around his neck kissing him deeply. However from the force that you did this with you two fell into the big pond.

The rest of the day you two explored the cave, ate under a tree and enjoyed the scenery.

A/N: I'm soooooooo sorry for the wait guys. I've been so busy!! Hope you like it.

[beautifulpersonpeach]

I’ve been reading your blog for the better part of the year and it’s helped me rethink many things. This year was weird for me and I’ve been reflecting, I finally got courage to write this confession and I only feel comfortable sending it here. It’s okay if you post it. I think there are other people like me.

My Confession:

I’m an Orbit-Blink shooter who used to fight with an Army shooter daily until she died during the earthquakes in Turkey this year. I didn’t realize how much of my life and fan experience was tied to her until she died BPP. The way I got into shooting was through my Blink friend who introduced me to Loona when they debuted. At first I thought I was defending Loona and then defending Blackpink, but at some point shooting on its own for any reason became addicting. I would jump in on a ratio, throw insults and post gore and graphic images to people’s DMs for any small reason.

There was one Army shooter I hated because she was always there with screenshots or videos to drag Blackpink. Whenever there was a fanwar I knew I would see her there. And times when she wasn’t in the fight, I would use another account pretending to be an Army to tell her what was happening so I could rile her up to join the fight. I didn’t know it at the time but I loved fighting with her. She made me feel alive. The way she was passionate about BTS made me want to get some of that passion directed at me in any form.

Now, after months of reflecting, that’s what I realized. Because when the earthquake happened, I didn’t know she was dead. I kept checking her account for days, sending DMs from my fake Army profile, wondering why she was not replying. I even created a new scandal for Taehyung in our shooter group but she didn’t tweet. Then 2 weeks later her cousin tweeted from her account to say she died in the earthquake. BPP, it was like my whole life stopped. I became extremely depressed and dealt with extreme self loathing. I couldn’t look at any fandom fight without thinking about all the things I did to her. I hated myself and wanted to die. I went through that Armys profile and saw how her love for BTS was genuine. After months of therapy now I understand more why I acted like that, but it’s something I’ll forever be ashamed about.

In the depths of my depression I deleted Twitter, TikTok, and Instagram. After some weeks of missing what’s happening, I got Tumblr and found your blog talking about fandom behavior. In so many ways you’ve saved my life BPP. The way I was shooting was more for other shooters than Loona or Blackpink or even myself. I realize now there’s a whole subculture of kpop shooters and I think what they have is an addiction. I notice the same things with how solo stans behave. They think they’re doing it for the idols but it’s for them and other stans they’re fighting. It creates destruction. Life is short. Why spend it on something destructive?

I’ve changed everything about how I behave online. Through therapy and reading your blog, I realize people use fandom to express themselves, and if that expression is mostly negative, there’s deeper problems with that person that needs solving. Now I curate my space and avoid shooters and fanwars completely. I now focus on what I enjoy which is good lore and good music (I still enjoy a good fight but I now satisfy this need by getting engaged in Munk Debates in my city). Loona’s lore was the reason I was interested in them, so after weeks of stalking that dead Army’s profile, I learned that BTS has lore too. I fell down the BTS rabbit hole and officially became an Army on Jimin’s birthday (after reading your blog I’m now Yoonminkook biased hehe)

I’m a very new Army but an ‘old’ kpop fan and reformed shooter. I’ve committed to live a life that’s critical and compassionate. Because of how I’ve become Army, some things I’m seeing in how fans of diff fandoms act has a different meaning to me. I still struggle with shame and sometimes when I see fanwars or see solos trending hashtags and things, I remember me from what feels like long ago. I remember that Army shooter who feels like someone I owe my life to. I remember how so much is going on in the world and we could do with more kindness but people use fandom to be awful assholes. I was one such person, attimes I still have to bite my tongue. But what I do now is log off, go do something physical and positive that makes me tired, or scroll through your blog archives.

There might be people like me trying to get away from the shooter mindset and struggling because it’s hard. It’s like an addiction. I want those people to know it’s doable. Recognizing the problem is the hardest part for real so if they are at that point, it gets easier from there.

Thank you for having this blog BPP. I hope you stay here in 2024 as well.

***

Happy to hear you’re in a better head space than earlier this year.

Take care of yourself. Really.

[consult-johnhwatson]

Many New Beginnings

I hardly feel I deserve so many. Multiple times in my life have I made some truly, awful, mistakes. In the past I always found myself trailing after Sherlock, and being fulfilled in ways I never thought would be possible again after Afghanistan. The very first time I was caught up in the shadow that was Sherlock, I ended up following after him - after he continuously abandoned me! I might add - only to save his arse.

So, for a long time, our relationship was as follows; He might give me a vague hint on where he would dash off to next, I'd scurry to catch up, only to find if he would have waited for me or communicate with me, the situation would have went far smoother!

I'm not sure when it started changing, or originally. If I had to pin point, it might have been around the time we first got up close and personal with a Mr. Jim Moriarty.

Sherlock must have realized, the value in communication. Something that, on surface level we managed well. On a deeper level, you've all seen us struggle with ourselves emotionally. We only grew closer, until-

The fall, everyone loves to dub it.

I had fallen into such devastation by this betrayal of trust and communication, the only thing I felt I could once trust in Sherlock, I simply forgot that this man was suffering the same as I was. That he was completely alone for those two years as well.

Only, I wasn't truly alone. I met Mary, and I would not be here today without her. I know that. So would it be a crime when I say to keep it polite about her? I loved her and she was my life. Just as much as Sherlock is my life.

Sherlock forced me to accept his apology that day in the train, but it was as genuine as I can be. This anger's always been so hard to ignore, it would come out at Mary, and it's only grown over time. Sherlock would always try to communicate, he always spoke to me. Even if it was something so unbelievable, I trusted him. For awhile, he understood. He couldn't run off without me.

This was years ago still. I know it all started declining after... Well, Culverton Smith. I wonder if I properly wrote up that case, there was so much we would love to have forgotten. Sherlock and I.

I almost lost him, and not only by the hand of Mr. Smith.

Our relationship since, has been rocky at best. I never gave up, and in his own ways neither did he. Somewhere, we fell back into this dynamic. He runs off without me, and I let him. Neither of us would have been able to tell you who started it, but relationships are 50/50, you know.

When I finally had, so hesitatingly, just gotten this relationship? I wasn't prepared, but I'd have been out of my mind to not accept what we'd always worked on wanting.

Only to see him run off with Mr. Jim Moriarty, the man who single handedly started our path of love and destruction. The fall is a sore subject, a raw wound barely treated. I was so overwhelmed with - I wasn't there to protect him! - danger, betrayal, mistrust, lack of communication, all over again!

I said and did things that are unacceptable, and I'll be remorseful for them for as long as I live. This anger, I can't guarantee I'll get rid of it completely, and I've found I was in need of professional help in this regard. It may still come out, but I am working on this. We are working on this. I am working on making sure this will not be a repeated event; but this includes working on the communication between Sherlock and I again.

I stepped back to work on this, on myself, but now I am willing to open up and look back on this space. Where we can go forward, together, in this new time. I hope that, while it's not been a long amount of time, but two months away from this all has really helped thus far. I'm happy to be back here with you, and to grow by Sherlock's side once more.

[fandomfluffandfuck]

Help, i fell down a Marvel rabbit hole.

So the Endgame dilemma with Steve's decision had me thinking about other 'happy places' for Bucky and of course there's the obvious with Sam after TFWS but can we just for a minute think about Bucky maybe refreshing something nice from his time in recovery in Wakanda?

I found not a lot of fics but the thought of Bucky getting back there and kinda warming up with M'Baku again? This pairing just has something to me, especially with the whole grumpy but secretly subby White Wolf meets sarcastic domineering great Gorilla M'Baku...

Why would I help, lmao? I'm at the bottom of a very similar hole. The more the marrier! Welcome to the trash pile 💀💀

All good options, all good options, but I will say, anon, I welcome you to fully embrace the exhilarating option of: completely ignoring the events of Endgame.

As captivating as the idea of subby white wolf and domineering gorilla M'Baku is 😮‍💨... as much as I love all the ship content that has come out of Sebastian's and Mackie's banter as Bucky and Sam... I am weak for stucky. It's 🤌🏻everything about them🤌🏻 The childhood best friends to lovers, the wartime sweethearts, the going against the whole world for each other, the dying for each other, the living for each other.

Okay, so I'm laying my cards fully on the table to say that I hate Endgame, explaining why I like to ignore it. And with that being said, here are some anti-Endgame (some of them also straight up anti-steggy/anti-peggy) related metas that I find thought-provoking that I think you might, too. They're just to kick around the idea if you're interested in a different perspective that comes from what I see as deeper in the fandom (idk how true that is,though, lol)--something you might not have come across yet if you're new to this rabbit hole. Obviously, you don't have to read these, though! And I'm not saying you can't ship sambucky or Bucky x M'Baku. You're totally welcome to! I see the appeal myself 👀

Anyway, here:

Bucky's insecurities

No mourning of Steve

Secrets between Steve & Peggy

Endgame destroying Steve's character

More character destruction

Steve choosing Bucky

More stucky devotion

I'd rather Steve die

The no-homo-ing of gay ships in Hollywood

Steve and loyalty

Steve, the shield, Bucky, and Peggy

Steve's ending doesn't make sense (essay)

The Bucky Steve leaves behind

The look on Bucky's face

Uhh... I may have gotten carried away with the links. Listen, I just feel strongly, okay 💀💀

If you do find any good M'Baku and Bucky fics, feel free to send them my way 👀

[bagopucks]

M. Marner - Light My Love

✄————————————

Mitch Marner x Fem!reader

Word Count: 2.3k

Warning(s): none!

It felt like such a Mitch song, and I wanted to do something real tiny before going on to new requests!

—————————————

Can you light my love?

Flames glowing bright as the sun

Deeper than oceans you run

Watch as our world has begun

I was an art major, but my art never had feeling behind it. It was my passion, but somewhere along the line, I forgot passion in the midst of work. In the midst of going through the motions. I lost my motive and love for the things I made. My works had beauty, but they had no fire. They had no feeling.

Until I met Mitch.

My classmates often said the things they loved were their muses. Pets, music, books and movies, family or friends. Lovers.

Mitch was my friend, but he was too vast. Looking at him was overwhelming. Mitch was his own work of art. Made up of the elements. The ocean in his eyes and the earth in his hair. The wind that followed his stride on skates, and the fire that represented itself in the heat radiating off his skin any time of day.

He was vast, made up of cuts from all types of fabrics, his mind ran deeper than one could possibly imagine. His pain, shortcomings, and strife made him the man he was. Likewise, his accomplishments, past, and those who loved him. Every moment in his life shaped him. Mitch was like a ten page essay. Just when you got the motivation to start, you’d look at the ten empty pages and feel too overwhelmed to continue.

That’s how it felt when I pulled out a blank canvas and decided to use Mitch as my muse. It was blank, and I didn’t know where to begin. Or how to paint him. There was too much of him to cover, and I felt I’d never have enough paint to do it all.

When I met Mitch, I wanted to know him completely. From head to toe. From mind to heart. He became my next project.

Your mind is a stream of colors

Extending beyond our sky

A land of infinite wonders

A billion lightyears from here now

The days spent in cafe’s, dinky diners, and the living area of my apartment, were ones I looked forward to. I found myself asking Mitch about himself nonstop, and most questions he asked about me were pushed aside with quick or rushed answers.

I found that he was such a creative and lighthearted person. Full of childish wonder and boyish charm. He’d play nonstop if the world let him. Which I assumed was why he chose hockey as his career. Mitch loved touring me around Toronto, showing me things to take pictures of and explaining what he found beauty in and why.

In the late evenings, we found ourselves caught up in conversations of wild theories and subjective beliefs. If he believed in aliens. Which planets he wanted to visit. Who he thought built the pyramids and which conspiracy theories he believed or laughed at. Mitch’s mind worked a mile a minute.

He liked to tell me of all of his ideas for new workout routines, little senseless inventions he thought would be beneficial to life, and of all the things he wanted to try and experience.

Whoa, light my love

Whoa, light my love

My art adopted a brighter complexion each time I spent a new day with Mitch.

There was something about him and the way he saw the world, that was awfully refreshing.

I have seen pictures of time

The frames still in motion I find

A grand revolution outlined

Hate bound by fear will unwind

Through time I fell in love with Mitch and his beautiful mind. My pictures shifted from tourist spots and landscapes, to those of him that I snuck on nights out and nights in.

I could scroll through the photos and recall memories of each moment.

A photo of him mid laugh, hands held over the sink covered in white powder while there was some on his face and in his hair. The rest of the mess on the counter. I had been trying to help him learn to cook, and we ended up in a flower fight.

I had another photo of him. An ‘aerial’ view, where his head had been in my lap, a blanket pulled over his body but his bare shoulders peeked out just enough to know he was shirtless. I took that one after Mitch had showed up on my apartment doorstep, sore and miserable after a hard game. We became so comfortable with one another that he didn’t bat an eye when I invited him into my room to watch a movie and get a back rub.

My favorite photo of Mitch, was the one that finally allowed me to see him completely and clearly as my muse. The one that helped me bundle all of Mitch in his entirety, into one photo. Into one work of art.

A still of him in my art studio, the sun illuminating his figure from the skylights above. He was sat on the linen cloth I had spread across the stained wood floors, a canvas laid out that I told him he could use while I worked. The canvas had a brown blob on it with big orange eyes, and a white bandanna. The only reason I knew what it was is because Mitch never shut up about his dog. Little old Zeus, who I had the luxury of meeting on multiple occasions when we went for walks.

I took the picture when I turned to check on him, his face all scrunched up and focused. I captured the photo just after he’d gone to itch his cheek, smearing the brown he used for Zeus across his cheekbone. He looked so relaxed, and yet so happy at the same time. Content to do nothing with me but still do something in the same room.

I decided to use Mitch as a figurative muse first. So I painted him as things he reminded me of. When he asked about what I was doing for the art final, I never told him, and he only got fussy when I wouldn’t let him in my studio to see either. I invited him to the college’s gallery presentation of the art finals when the night came. I told him I was wearing baby blue, and he was welcome to do the same.

I told my teacher, that my plan was to reveal the final piece of my project at the viewing. That my final piece would be my ‘inspiration.’

The only reason she gave me an exception was because she said she saw a real improvement and emotion in my art. That in all the four years she taught me, she was incredibly proud and excited to see what had brought back my passion and desire to continue to create.

We were both hopeful that the moment, when it came, would go well.

Your mind is a stream of colors

Extending beyond our sky

A land of infinite wonders

A billion lightyears from here now

“Mitch!” I whisper-shouted over mumbling parents and guardians, lovers and friends. The showing was hosted in the library, big enough to house all of the art, and the right setting to let people know it wasn’t supposed to be loud. Those that came in mostly spent time looking at the art of who they came for.

I was stood somewhere around the middle of the room, my various pieces set up on easels I brought from my apartment, and one toward the end of my display still covered by a sheet.

Mitch quickly walked down the few steps by the door, swift to slip though the crowd to meet me by my displays. He wrapped his arms around my hips, and my own flew over his shoulders.

Our blues didn’t entirely match, but it was closer than I expected them to be. I wore a baby blue dress with a flowing skirt that stopped just above the knees, the sleeves made of lace that hugged my wrists and a bodice that hugged my torso and hips.

“Hey, so sorry I’m a little late.” I shook my head as I pulled away. I took a moment to examine Mitch’s outfit. Black slacks and a baby blue polo. I straightened his collar. He smiled bashfully.

“Don’t worry about it, Mitchell.” I teased quietly, barely able to contain my excitement. He could tell, and it made him all the more smiley than before.

“So? Can I finally see this stuff?”

“Goodness, Mitch.. I’ve been waiting so long.” My heart rate picked up. In this moment, I was more worried about him not liking my art, than the possibility of failing my last final. I reached for his hands, took them in my own, and stepped a few paces back. I led him toward the first canvas, his eyes already looking over my shoulder at the art before I could inform him of what it was.

“That was from our first hike.” His pearly smile made me giggle as he spoke. I let go of his hands and turned to look at the first painting. I considered a hike something to be done in mountains and wooded areas, but Mitch and I had walked for a while down the coastline that day. He tried to prove to me that a ‘hike’ didn’t have to be an incline.

“How’d you do that?” He reached out to run his fingers across the grooves and divots of dried oil paint. I had never painted with textures before, but I felt it was one of the many elements I needed to properly represent Mitch and all of his layers.

My eyes examined him, as he examined my art. That same wonder I used to see when he discussed his own passions, now presented itself in his eyes as he took in my creation. I hadn’t realized I became one of his new passions over time.

I reached for Mitch’s hand again, taking it and guiding him to the next piece.

“This one might be a little harder to guess-“

“You took pictures of this one when I was over at your place.” I was astounded by his attention to detail. “It had just finished raining outside. You said you liked the yellow in the clouds.”

We made eye contact. I couldn’t have been smiling any wider, and Mitch looked oddly proud of himself for remembering such a random detail.

“What’s the last one?” He was the first to break our eye contact, nodding behind me to the canvas covered by cloth. The same linen from my studio floor.

“You’re sure you don’t wanna get a snack or drink first?” I tried, my hand subconsciously squeezing Mitch’s.

“Come on. I’ve been waiting for like- a month to see all this.” He didn’t have to beg or ask much. I gave in quite easily. I took a step back, my breath caught in my lungs as I reached with my free hand to hoist the cloth up over the canvas.

“Okay.. but- I did my best. It’s not perfect.”

My third and final oil painting. Of Mitch in the middle of my studio floor. I used the photo I took of him, but in the background I added other elements. His jersey draped over the empty easel, and a pair of paint stained skates hanging from my wood shelves. I included the pair of his favorite slippers, a can or two of Red Bull, and a rolled up yoga mat. My favorite addition though, was the tiny details of our photos together, painted so they looked to be tapped up on the wall in the background.

I clenched my jaw while Mitch looked, his brow furrowing at first. Then his head tilted. I worried he wouldn’t like it, and his initial reaction had me pulling my hand away from his own.

Then his brow smoothed, and he stepped closer, eyes squinting to catch all the tiny details. His lips turned upward. He looked at me. I offered an uncertain smile.

“What made you do this?”

Whoa, light my love

Whoa, light my love

“You..” I shrugged. “You became my muse. I needed something to bring the feeling back into everything. My art, my life.. I didn’t really expect it to be you. But it was.” I looked back at the painting. “I caught this photo of you a little while back. I added some of your favorite things in there. Figured I didn’t need to include Zeus because you already had him in your own little painting.” I teased softly in hopes of easing my own tension. Mitch laughed softly.

He stepped up by my side, slipping his hands into his pockets.

“It’s really cool.. but you’re missing something, ya know?” His question had me raising my brow as I looked up at him. He looked down at me.

“Can’t have all my favorite things without you.” My heart skipped a beat, I giggled bashfully.

“Mitch-“

“I’m serious. Nothing else matters if you’re not there too.” He turned his body to face my own, and I found myself stumbling over my own thoughts. I was supposed to be the poetic and meaningful one. And yet I couldn’t think of a single thing.

“It’s almost perfect.” He continued, and I found the courage to meet his eyes.

I decided to test him. To be certain.

“What would make it perfect?” I was hesitant. Hot all over, trying not to crash and burn.

“If you’d be mine.”

“God Mitch..” I breathed out in relief. He looked panicked for a moment, worried he’d crossed a boundary. I eased his nerves by springing forward to connect our lips. His hands raised to his sides in a concerned motion, before he relaxed and returned the kiss, his hands found my hips with ease.

One of my hands held his face, the other on his shoulder. By the time I felt satisfied, I pulled away breathlessly. Mitch’s wide eyes stared me down, smiles slow to find both of our lips.

“You came just when I needed you.”

“I like you so much.”

“I really like you too”

I really needed to pass that final, but it was the last thing on my mind.

✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾❀✾

[ecoamerica]

Watch the American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 now: https://youtu.be/bWiW4Rp8vF0?feature=shared

The American Climate Leadership Awards 2024 broadcast recording is now available on ecoAmerica's YouTube channel for viewers to be inspired by active climate leaders. Watch to find out which finalist received the $50,000 grand prize! Hosted by Vanessa Hauc and featuring Bill McKibben and Katharine Hayhoe!

[web-spinning]

hey are u comfortable writing some comfort/praise fic involving Zevlor x transmasc reader? sfw or less so is up to yr discretion i just love that old man and wish we could make each other feel better

"Under The Oak"- Zevlor x Transmasc! Reader

Tw.: dysphoria mentioned, blood mentioned.

Cheers were heard as soon as you informed the tieflings the area is safe and there are no goblins left standing. They fell into each other's arms, patted themselves on the backs, happy to finally be free.

From the danger, from the druids, from Hell...

And yet, seeing them happy didn't make you excited. You couldn't feel their happiness. With a wave of a hand, you excused yourself from the spotlight and retreated deeper into the grove.

Once you found a nice oak tree, planted near the beach most likely by the druids, you sat down under it. You noticed some goblin blood still on your clothes.

A hero, huh? You bit your lips.

It was amazing to see the tieflings happy. But your mind still traveled to a scene from the goblin camp.

The battle was going smoothly, especially with Halsin on your side; those foul creatures were never exactly the brightest, no matter how sharp their axes were.

You were just about to hit one (with an arrow or perhaps a spell) when you tripped. As you fell to the ground, a small yelp escaped your mouth. You don't exactly know who, all you know the next thing that followed was a chuckle from one of your companions. "Come on, don't be such a girl!"

Those words meant nothing to them, merely a small tease, but they hit you like an arrow made of steel. You thought you were passed this; that you could finally live as yourself, that nobody would question you.

Yet, here you were. Close to breaking down because someone called you a girl.

Before you could indulge deeper into your thoughts, you heard footsteps right behind the tree. Assuming it was just a druid passing by you paid it no mind until the owner of the noise sat down right next to you.

"Something on your mind?" the man's sharp voice turned your attention to him. "I was hoping to thank the saviour of my people personally. But they told me he'd ran off"

You smiled at him sadly. His rough features were alluring, his shiny eyes piercing through you.

"It's nothing" you lied. He should be out there, celebrating with his people, not trying to comfort you.

"I've seen enough pain in my life to recognize it. The druid Halsin is a great healer, or at least the druids say so. He owes you this much for saving him" Zevlor said, looking concerned.

"It's not something even an archdruid can heal" you explained, looking away from him. The tiefling fell silent, but you could feel him shifting closer towards you.

"Would you like to talk about it?"

Your heart dropped for a moment. Of course you did! But you didn't want to risk to see remorse in his eyes.

"We don't have to" he continued, seeing as you kept silent.

"Zevlor...have you ever met a man who was once a woman?" You began, trying to sugarcoat it as much as possible.

"The real question is who I haven't met during my time in Hell" he chuckled "But yes, I suppose I could say I did".

You looked back at him. He was very close now.

"What...how did they make you feel?"

"Is there a way I'm supposed to feel about them? They were just another soldier like me, nothing special if I do say so myself. Some of their techniques lacked, they were too careless. But you. You're not careless. Don't get it wrong, but I would even call you stubborn...but please, do get to the point. Why would you ask me about something like this?"

"...because I am one. And today, someone I know made a snarky remark about me acting girlish in combat. And it hurts so damn much to feel like no matter how hard you try to avoid it, your past self will always bite back at you" you tried explaining.

He moved his hand closer to yours, looking at you for permission. You let him take your hand, and he began to caress it slowly.

"I won't lie it's a surprise to hear that. You must one of the bravest and manliest people I've met since my years as a Hell rider" he said, smiling at you. "You're quite the...impressive person"

"You really think so?"

"Yes. Excuse me if this is inappropriate for someone...my age, but you must know you're also quite handsome" he said, and looked away for a moment as he said the last part. Even on his red skin you could see a small blush on his cheeks. You smiled at him. Who knew the old and brave Hellrider could get embarrassed complementing someone?

"Did you just call yourself old?" You chuckled at him. "And are you...blushing?"

"Who wouldn't blush around a man like that" he played it off, winking at you. "Please know I am honest. You're a very handsome and capable man, but also a great fighter. Me and my people owe you a debt"

"It was just a few goblins..."

"And they could slaughter us on our way to Baldur's Gate" he said, squeezing your hand. "I'm afraid we can't pay it off to you, we don't exactly have the means. But I promise I will remember to recompense it to you in the future. I think the druids owe you something too, especially after you freed their leader"

You looked at the tiefling, seeing how his gaze pierced you made your heart skip a few beats. An idea appeared in your head.

"I've got an idea how you can pay off your debt to me" you said, taking his other hand into yours. They were raw, clearly owned by a man who worked his whole life.

"Yes?" He asked, a small spark in his bright eyes.

You leaned in further, now almost in his lap. His mouth opened, but he didn't protest.

"Kiss your savior" you smirked at him. The tiefling smiled as his tail wrapped around your torso.

He laid down and pushed you down on him. Without thinking much, you leaned in and pressed your lips to his. They were thin and felt hot; something natural for tieflings you figured.

He didn't let go of your hands as he let you taste him. His tail tightened around your torso, the ending picking at your skin.

The two of you entangled in a passionate kiss for a few seconds, before you let go to take a few breaths.

"Payment accepted?" Zevlor smirked at you. He let go of your hands and took your chin between his fingers."I feel like we could go a few more rounds"

Without replying, you let him guide your head towards his, your lips entangling once more.

There was a long evening ahead the two of you.

[archiveoftara]

London Boy

Part 1

"Welcome to my humble home."

With the click of the door, I was greeted by a light lavender & peppermint smell. The room was small (one bedroom flat), an open kitchen to one side and a bed on the other. A small candle was lit on the kitchen table.

Y/n instantly took off her shoes and slowly sat on her bed. I hung my jacket on the chair and looked around the cozy environment. "Your home is nice."

"hmm" she lets out a small whimper when I find her head low, trying her best to stay awake. Her flat looks exactly the way she is, mysterious. The flat is pretty clean, you can't find anything to know more about the person residing except a pile of papers on the kitchen table.

"I know but it's getting late, you should head home." She coughed. I rolled my eyes and put my palm against her forehead.

"I can't leave you like this." She gives me a confused look with those dazed eyes.

"You're burning. Where do you keep your medicines?"

"I'm fi-

"If you say 'fine' one more time, I will fire you."

"Technically Lockwood can fire me." She said with a cheeky smile. Not the smile, angel .

"You can find a box on that top shelf." She points at the kitchen. I silently thank her and start doing my work. I quickly checked her temperature which made me curse, when I felt her hand on mine. Aww she fell asleep. It's past 10 PM and the poor girl haven't had dinner yet. The least I can do is cook her a meal.

After 20 minutes or so, dinner is ready. I made some soup with all the ingredients I could find. Her fridge is empty unlike ours. Maybe she didn't got the chance to shop or maybe she eats take-out? I was lost in thoughts that I almost missed her voice.

"You're still here? Okay you're doing that thing with your eyes again. It's scary."

I chuckled and help her with the dinner. We silently had our meal and she had her medicines. I found myself on the foot of the bed. We were enjoying each other's company when she broke the silence.

"I thought you didn't like me."

Oh my god, was I that bad? I masked the hurt with a casual tone "What makes you think that?"

"I don't know..the way you make sarcastic comments when I make a mistake or maybe the way you just don't leave a chance to scold me. I know you love your job and want everything to be perfect but it hurts sometimes." She mumbles. Her eyes still dazed.

After a moment of silence, I sighed "I have a hard time with people at first but I never meant to hurt you. I'm sorry for being a dickhead, it's just. Honestly, it's just I don't know how to act when you're near me. I feel so nervous--"

I was interrupted with light snores. I chuckled to myself and wrapped a blanket over the angel.

I slowly began to clean up when my eyes fell on the familiar piles of paper. I didn't want to intrude in her privacy but curiosity got the best of me. I picked up the papers carefully. It looked like bills and sketches. What is this?

*Y/n's POV*

Warm light peeked through the curtains. I groaned and snuggled deeper inside the blanket. I had the most random dream, I saw George made dinner for me and tucked me like a child. That's when I realise someone is cooking. I threw my blanket aside, froze to see him in front of my eyes.

"Good morning." His voice felt like honey dripping from his lips.

"G-Good morning." It wasn't a dream.

"How are you feeling?" He sat beside me while handing me tea.

"Much better. You- How was your sleep?"

"Not my usual kind but I managed." The sun made his honey brown eyes sparkle. stop being so pretty.

"Why didn't you go home?" I argue.

"I told you I can't leave you like this." He argued back. When did he become this bold? I tried to hide the blush. "Well..thank you."

I walk past him to cool down a bit. My flat looks so clean. Everything looks organised, no mess, no scattered papers on the table...WHERE ARE THE PAPERS???? I frantically look around when George calls me.

"Are you looking for these?" He held those sketches. The moment I dreaded the most came sooner than expected.

"I didn't know you could draw so well." He smiled.

"I'm sorry." I look down in shame. George looked perplexed.

"I came to London six months ago, escaped my toxic family. My dream was to open my own jewelry brand but it was easier said than done. I didn't have the money and you saw those bills. I needed a job to survive."

I couldn't read his face. He was standing there for like whole 5 minutes, not saying a word, deep in his thoughts. I sighed "I'm sorry George. I didn't had a choice. It was not my intention to hurt you or Lockwood or Lucy."

He still didn't say anything, zoned out. I felt my eyes sting. This is it. This is the end. "I'll submit my resignation this evening. Thank you everything George." I turn to leave the room, to hide in some corner, away from this world.

Just when I was about to step out, I felt an arm around me. I was met with those honey brown eyes which sparkled under the light.

"You're not going anywhere." He pulled me closer "We knew something was wrong. Your eyes gave in the moment I opened the door"

"I'm sorry " I whispered.

"No. I can understand.. I've been there."

"I kind of escaped my family because of certain circumstances. I'll leave that for another day. Y/n stop doubting yourself, you're the best of us."

I rolled my eyes "I'm not half as good as you George."

"Like I told you, stop doubting yourself. I'm here for you."

I think my heart skipped a beat. I can't believe I'm in his arms, The George Karim who I thought hates me.

"You're crazy."

"Normal is boring anyway." He takes my hand and leads me to the table "Besides, I'm here to help you achieve your dream. Your sketches are beautiful, we can totally nail this."

I grin at his enthusiasm. This ship is ready to sail and I have George by my side. What else do I need?

Hello readers, I'm back with a new chapter. I honestly don't know what to say about it. Not my best work, would love to hear from your side.

[inthewindandinthewater]

Day Glow

A/n: Oops, I wrote this instead of another chapter of A Plain of Stars, I'm sorry but I'm having a bit of a block right now. Anyway, in the mean time have this Drabble with old boy James. I thought it was cute, definitely a good piece to hopefully rebuild some confidence in myself and get back to writing the real stuff. Hope you enjoy.

(I listened to 'Oh My Love' by John Lennon and 'Here Comes Your Man' by The Pixies while writing this)

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Day Glow

The stunning glow that bathes a room in the early morning.

That’s what it felt like, if anyone asked you that’s what you’d say. First light. 

First light after a hot sticky night, one where your covers don’t lay right and you don’t find a comfortable place to set your arms. That soft morning glow accompanied by singing burns and long, languid stretches. The feeling of that first sip of water hitting your throat after not allowing yourself respite from the cottony feeling at the back of your pallet. Fresh clothes, a hot shower, a hairbrush. 

That’s what it felt like to fall in love with James, a breath of fresh air and the feeling of sun on your skin. He was bright and bursting with it, and all too happy to bathe you in the same incandescence. 

He never second guessed it, the pull he felt to you. He saw you that day; head hung low over a book, hair falling into your eyes as you fell deeper into the word on those ink soaked pages. Maybe it was the look in your eyes or the way the pale blue shirt you were wearing seemed to bring out all the right colors in you. It didn’t matter, he was taken with you and James was never one to let something go so easily. 

He was capable of learning, and as such took a gentle approach to coaxing you out of your shell and into his awaiting arms. First a request for help on his homework, then sitting next to you in class, for academic reasons of course. He’d ask little questions about your books and your family, nodding in rapt interest, eyes glued to the captivating way your lips formed the words. 

He could only be so subtle, it was never his specialty but he’s giving it his all. That’s what made give him the time of day, anyone could see how hard he was trying to be someone you might spend your time on. 

During a particularly chilling trip to Hogsmeade you found yourself toe to toe with your biggest fan. Stumbling none too elegantly into one another with the grace of a baby elephant confronted with a large mouse. You stared up at him, making up for all his forced subtlety with a brasen gape. His nose and cheeks were tipped pink and his wild hair stuck up in that frustratingly sleep tousled way that had you longing to card your fingers through it. One corner of his rosie pink lips quirked up in boyish smirk, you knew you were a goner, but you hadn’t guessed it’d be this bad. 

That was the beginning of a short road to a long honeymoon phase, one that faded into a comfortable relationship which continues to feel like the first peaks of the sun through your apartment windows. The very windows that made you and James choose this apartment over the one closer to London, they were french panes and you loved them almost as much as the boy sleeping next to. 

You roll over, taring your gaze away from the windows to face James’ sleeping face. Your  hand moves of its own accord to make the very movement you longed to all those years ago in front of Honeydukes. His black curls only fluffed into a larger mess as you ran your finger through them, scratching lightly at his scalp as he leaned into your hand. He may be a stag at heart, but he always reminded you of a saint bernard. Pretty boy that he is. 

You think you could lay here forever, basking in the morning dew of the life the two of you created for yourself. All the Love you poured into one another and all the twists and turns you’d put your hearts through now wrapped in a thick layer of soft amour, which consist of nothing but the thought of coming home to one another at the end of it all. The constant knowledge that no matter what, first light will break and day glow will cover your world once again.

[deargodhelpmeaaa]

Ranking my most noteworthy fictional crushes out of ten

Squidward

Look at this man. Look at his features. Isn't he just completely irresistible? I "fell for" him in in ninth grade and it was initially a joke bc I was obsessed with him since I had a friend who'd always talk Spongebob with me and despite never having watched it I enjoyed discussing it and thought Squidward sounded like an endearing and funny character. I'm not sure if this was completely ironic or not anymore and I'm scared.

6/10

Jon Arbuckle

We are off to an amazing start here, aren't we? Okay, so I just have a thing for pathetic men. And Jon is that. He is a beta male. He is a loser. He is sad. I want to say my "crush" on him developed when I read the comic Garfield Minus Garfield- a comic which I found interesting. I liked seeing this portrayal of the character- someone lonely, mentally unstable and possibly schizophrenic. Also when you boil it down, all Garfield is about is a mentally ill man ranting to his cat about his problems and his cat secretly doesn't give a crap, but he doesn't know because it's a cat who can't talk (iterations where he can hear garfield are dumb and lame unless there's a good reason for it). I love Jon, I am a Jon defender, and I argue he is funny and a cool guy.

8/10

Waylon Smithers

Undeniably the most regrettable fictional crush I have ever had, and sadly the longest lasting and most influential as well. My crush on Smithers lasted all the way through high school and my first year of college. My thirst for him- seemingly invincible. The worst part is, I'm not even completely over him. If I watch the show again without cringing at jokes I quoted badly, I can still see myself getting a little you know... when he shows up. So, what is his appeal, might you ask, why do I like him? Wimp. Wears glasses. Sadboy- he loves someone who doesn't give a crap about him. Something about his unrequited love seemed relatable to me. I also found his submissiveness attractive and he is what introduced me to the idea that a nerdy sadboy who does as I say is actually kind of really sexy. He's also the last nice person on this list. I found his sweetness appealing and for a while this made me think I only liked sweet boys. How wrong I was...

4/10. Would be 0 but he gets extra points because of how important he was to my development as a person. Low because I regret how I acted during this phase of my life. (too loca)

MEDIC

I literally got the game just for him and main him because I think he's hot. He looked like this stern, no-nonsense Atticus Finch-like medical guy who would yell at me in German for being a bad girl and I was into that. Then I played the game, watched the videos, read the comic and fell deeper in love. This guy was not that stern angry guy I thought he was at all. He was a cool guy and all nonsense. Funny, crazy, deeply invested in science, with what appears to be no regard for human or animal life- yet still somehow having a caring side which we see with how sweet he is to his doves- also I love doves too, omg! And he's still definitely the one that would be wearing the pants in this relationship, so the main appeal remains intact.

10/10

Duckman

Hey, what the hell are you staring at! Listen, you're not my dad and I have no control over who I find attractive, so shut up. I watched this show and I just saw this guy and I was like... whoa. Okay. That's... that's a man alright. A duck man, sure, but a man nonetheless. He had it all. He was pathetic, smoked heavily, rude, a goober, horny, impulsive, wore glasses... and was a massive loser, yet he has this strange charm about him that you'll notice if you don't take him too seriously. God, I just want to humiliate him. He's into that, by the way- it's literally canon in the show. He also was my first foray into what I like to call "angry ranting men" which is, well, a type of man who rants about random things. Okay, okay, I get it, ranting=bad whatever. But personally I see a strong appeal in rants. A rant is an unfiltered speech about a topic which one holds strong passion for. It is a glimpse into an insane mind, sure, filled with nonsense, with the occasional valid point made. I enjoy listening to rants because it lets a man let loose and just go wild.... and in a way, it is quite cute! Even if he is completely wrong in every way. I still enjoy listening, wide eyed with a glass of some drink in my hand I can't even drink because I'm kept on the edge of my seat by this strange speech. Also, this character has a good side to him. Like we see he loved his wife and loves his kids, and when he opens up to the women he meets, we see that he really isn't so bad of a person after all. I love this about him, and it is a crucial part of his appeal on top of everything else I've said so far.

7/10 because even I question this one sometimes. But not that much.

George Costanza

He's disturbed, he's depressed, he's got it all! Completely just the most pathetic man on television. An insecure, self absorbed little loser. I love him. He's so weak and he makes me so weak. He also looks really cute sometimes- is this just me? I want to do things to him >:) I think I have this thing where I am attracted to horrible men because I want to give them a better life, as I see myself in them, and boy do I see myself in George. We're both the same little cowards at heart, I think. I think we all have a little George in us. I just want... a lot of George in me. Ba dum ching! I should note that this savior complex mostly applies to fictional men... Irl I would just want someone who I could scare with my freaky boldness and have open up to me a little bit, and be there for. Like some cute Christian boy who is afraid of everything and hates himself for no reason. I don't really have much more to say, since I haven't watched the show in months. Also the last entry literally has the same actor behind him. Do I have a thing for Jason Alexander? It's very possible.

solid 8/10. Not a 10 because I'm worried about myself.

Filthy Frank

In my defense, I also have a crush on Joji so it's okay. But this is a list of FICTIONAL characters and I can't help myself. That's right, y'all, Franku is fictional and if you didn't see that who are you? Now I want you to think about everything here that has been established. I like horny men, losers, ranters, men who are bad with women, and men with ego problems (and then there's just Medic who is the exception to every rule here). Frank is all of those things. He is also completely depraved and has no inhibitions which I also find appealing. When you think about it, he's basically just a really concerning version of a bad boy. He's obviously not someone to admire, and I don't admire him at all. He's a joke. I laugh at him, not with him. I don't agree with most of what he says but if I knew him personally, I would gleefully listen to his insanity, while secretly going "yea no." I also just think he probably is into some weird stuff like.... in the bedroom and that is hot to me. I want to make him cry. Do I want to give him a better life? Not really to be honest. He doesn't really deserve it. I guess he's nice to the lycra people, though, and the book Francis of the Filth gives him a little bit of an arc where he becomes a better person and stuff, and there are kind of hints at him having something resembling a capacity for compassion (mostly in the lore) despite being disgusting and generally amoral, which again, is very important to the appeal. I also find him weirdly charming. If he was a real guy we would get along I think, even if he'd be an asshole to me sometimes and I'd even get fed up with him sometimes- he probably might think I'm cool if I choose my words carefully. Oh, right also he's just hella cute. I know he makes weird, creepy faces and is trying to look like a 45 year old Algebra Teacher who hates his life, but like, that just makes him even cuter to me. And I don't mind the throat cancer voice, either. It's cute, too. He's got this weird, undeniable charm to him that definitely contributed to his success and iconic status. So, sure, he makes weird noises, he's a terrible person, and all, but like... he's also cute and I'd probably try to pry into his sensitive side (which when you think about it, does exist) if he was real. I mostly just like him because he's a stupid, silly bisexual (re-watch the videos; it's true) who wears glasses, though.

My tastes in men are fucked.

8/10

My prediction for my next crush is some asshole from Catch 22 but probably the Chaplain.

I am allowing this list to be used as evidence for the decline of women.