#I wanna find something that fits Dean and Cas as characters and that kinda fits me too

[deancaskiss]

having a mini identity crisis is made just a lil bit easier when I have @passengerseatcas by my side 💜

[anika-ann]

Errare Humanum Est - Pt.3

What’s in a Name?

Type: series, soulmate AU series  (part 1, part 2)   x Supernatural

Pairing: Steve Rogers x reader (past?)    Word count: 1850

Summary: When angel grace fails to deal with an amnesiac, the human ways will have to do. Too bad they are rather slow.

Warnings: swearing, amnesia, Team Free Will being themselves, alcohol

The briefest guide to SPN characters of Team Free Will (at the end of the post)

Story masterlist

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An ominous silence fell on the room, until an annoyed voice cut the air.

“Awesome. Is it like… a black nothing? White nothing? Or…?”

Castiel grimaced at Dean’s wry questions.

“It’s… it’s like a really tight knot, to be honest. The memories, I can feel them there, but… there’s nothing I can do about it. I’m sorry. I couldn’t even get a glimpse. I’m sorry, Natasha. I wish I could be more help.”

Tears gathered in Natasha’s eyes, but she cautiously rose to her feet as if she didn’t trust her strength and took Castiel’s hands in hers.

“It’s alright, Castiel. Thank you for trying,” she whispered weakly, her smile forced. She turned to the brothers then, tugging at the shirt she was wearing. “I… can I keep those, please?”

“Yeaaah?” Sam answered unsurely, not following where she was going with that. “Why would you ask that?”

“I… I think I should go. Thank you-“

That had them all lunging forward, Sam speaking up first.

“Whoa! We’ve been over this. You… we can’t exactly keep you here by force, but you have nowhere to go. No money to live on. Your memory… is not okay. Castiel couldn’t find anything at the moment, but we’ll figure out a way to help you.”

“I don’t want to-to impose. I’ve- I have already-“ she stuttered, but was interrupted by Dean’s sigh.

“Look. I’m not gonna lie, I ain’t happy about babysitting you,” he announced honestly, rising from his seat, gesturing towards her with his beer as he spoke. Sam really hoped he was going somewhere with that talk, because so far, it sounded like he wanted to support Natasha’s decision to leave. “But we had much bigger problems at our hands and much more annoying too. Helping people is kinda what we do. It’s in the family.”

Her eyes were wide as she was watching the hunters and their angel, attentive and observant. She was clearly considering her options, wondering if Dean was being honest. Sam was pleasantly surprised by Dean’s speech to say at least.

She gulped before speaking up, her gaze falling on the floor. “…okay. Thank you. I’ll… I promise to repay you when I can.”

“I’m sure you will,” Sam hurried before Dean could tell something that would creep her out – like ‘having a few ideas about that’. Though Sam was most impressed by Dean’s earlier words.

“Can I just ask you something, Dean?” she quirked up then, the corners of her lips inconspicuously rising.

“Yeah?”

“…do angels count as your family?”

“You-“ the older brother started, only to shut up and realize he didn’t know how to finish. So he only pointed a finger at her in pretended warning.

Sam snorted a laugh. “I think we’ll get along just fine.”

“If you must know, for us, family don’t end with blood,” Dean finally managed to reply and Sam couldn’t help but smile sadly at the memory of Bobby, a man who was an uncle to them, if not a father too. “It’s about the family you choose.”

An honest smile lighted up Natasha’s face, her eyes soft. “That’s nice…. So, where do we start?”

“Well, I should go,” Castiel announced swiftly, casting a glance at Dean, ever dutiful to the righteous man. “I’ll… see if I can find anything on the subject of soulmates I don’t already know.”

“Okay. See ya, Cas.”

“Bye,” Sam hummed absently, his mind already racing, wondering about their next steps.

With a sound of a flutter of wings, the angel was gone. Natasha stared blankly where he had been standing just a second ago.

“…oh,” she huffed, clearly caught off guard. “I didn’t see that coming. I didn’t even say goodbye.”

Sam only laughed at that – she seemed confused, sure, taken aback, definitely, but she was processing everything remarkably well considering what a mess she had woken up into.

“You’ll get used to it. We’re really tired, so we would catch few hours. I was thinking I could lend you my tablet?” the younger hunter offered, pulling it out of his bag and holding it out to her. She eyed it curiously and Sam realized where the problem might be. “I’ll show you how to operate it-“

“I… think I might know, actually,” Natasha admitted sheepishly, biting her lip as if ashamed. Sam couldn’t help the rise of his eyebrows.

“That you remember? You don’t know your name, but you know how to work with this thing?” Dean questioned, his eyebrows high as well. She only shrugged helplessly. Dean spun to Sam then, his face saying just how done he was with this situation. “Brains are weird, man.”

“More so when angels and resurrections are involved,” Sam added, grimacing wryly. Oh, he would know, wouldn’t he? They all would.

“Not wrong there.”

Sam turned his attention back to the woman then, seeing she already turned it on, the screen lit up. Huh. Okay then.

“I just thought you might wanna… look up things. Anything that comes to your mind.”

“Like unhuman things?” she asked half-bitter, half-curious.

“Oh, you don’t wanna look for those. You might find Twilight and Teen Wolf and stuff like that. Not to be trusted.”

Natasha tilted her head to side, not understanding what Dean was referring to, naturally, and Sam rolled his eyes. She reminded him of Castiel for a moment and a new idea struck his mind.

“Natasha, can I take a picture? I’ll run facial recognition… just to see if anyone reported you missing, okay?”

She hesitated, shifting her weight from one foot to the other, but nodded. “…Okay. Thank you, Sam.”

Sam led her to a wall, switching on more lights for better illumination of her face. He snapped a quick photo of her face and started the trace. Dean had managed to tuck himself in already.

“That was… fast. I promise to be quiet.”

“Thanks. Goodnight, Natasha. If you’re tired, just wake up one of us and we’ll leave you a bed, okay?” Sam offered, internally cringing at the idea of trying to fit onto the tiny-ass sofa.

Natasha glanced at the piece of furniture, then back at Sam and at Dean, her eyebrow slowly rising, probably thinking the same thing.

“Sure. Goodnight, Sam. Goodnight, Dean.”

The only reply she got was Dean’s snort. She giggled and Sam rolled his eyes, laying down to his bed, finding a comfortable position – as comfortable as one could find on a motel room bed. He was out in no time.

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Trying to research resurrections would have probably been a good idea. Or ‘how to cure amnesia’ or something like that. But no. Not for you.

The very first thing you wrote down – and really, could anyone blame you since Sam had specifically told you to look up whatever came to your mind – was the word ‘soulmate’.

It led you straight to a world of wonder. There was everything; it started with a definition, mostly matching what Sam, Dean and Castiel had told you.

Then the photos of soulmarks appeared. Some were funny and specific, like ‘Excuse me, but I believe that the dog that just ate my snack was yours,’ or ‘I’m afraid I’m in the wrong class, ‘cause I sure didn’t sign up for Greek mythology’. Others were annoying and general, something between the lines of ‘Can I borrow your pen?’ or ‘Is this seat taken?’. There were few that broke your heart: ‘Please, don’t leave,’ ‘I just got you, you can’t do this to me.’

You weren’t sure in which category your words would fall into; probably very specific and weird for both the crossed ones and the plain ones.

People were looking for their soulmates too. Either via forums, attempting to guess what comeback they would throw when hearing the words on their skin; another option was a few agencies that claimed to be able to find the match; that felt a bit like cheating and you doubted it worked anyway.

What took your breath away and made your heart ache were links to counselling for those who lost their soulmate. It made your chest tight for a very obvious reason, yet so irrational. You might have lost your soulmate, but you didn’t remember it; on the other hand, your other half could be suffering indescribable pain for their loved one, the one they had been destined to spent their life with. For that only, you felt tears gather in your eyes.

Then again, you could have been wrong. As far as you were concerned, you had never had to meet in the first place, and they only had their words crossed out just like yours, left with a dull ache and strange sense of longing.

There were brighter sides to soulmates too – many and many people shared their meet-cute with their destined partner, photos radiating love and adoration, with the subtlest shade of hate in the comments from people who no doubt didn’t have a soulmate to begin with. Because apparently, that was a thing as well; not everyone was bound to have a soulmate, not in the literal sense of the word. The world was a truly strange place.

You didn’t even realize you had started to rub your collarbone, your mind escaping elsewhere. What was your soulmate like? You believed with your whole heart he was one and the same person, saying both of the lines written on you.

Was he sweet? Polite? Or a bad boy? Tall or shorter than you, scrawny or built like a mountain? What colour were his eyes, his hair? Did he have a nice smile, warm and welcoming, or was a grumpy man? An extrovert, an introvert? Was he willing to show affection publicly or was he shy and private? What did he enjoy doing?

What was he doing now? And more importantly… where was he?

You sighed, sinking deeper into the couch. You could wonder, but it would be no help. You needed to pull yourself together, look up things that might be actually useful to you as a human being with amnesia and deal with daydreaming later.

You wanted to remember. You wanted to know your soulmate, but you needed to know your own persona first.

Hell, you didn’t even know your name.

For some reason you had chosen Natasha, but the motivation behind your actions slipped through your fingers, the truth burning on your tongue, leaving a bitter aftertaste as you couldn’t grasp it.

Alright. For now, you would be Natasha. You trusted your instinct on that one, choosing the name despite feeling it wasn’t your own, but still with a purpose.

Figuring out your last name was the next logical step. You couldn’t recall it either, so you just wrote down ‘American last names’ to the browser, waiting for results to pop up. You surfed through them for a minute, your fingers freezing on one particular name.

The name struck something in you, a spark lighting up like a flare in your chest and you knew this was the one you should pick.

You had been brought back from death. And until your true self and your mind would be resurrected, a new person had to be born.

That person happened to be Natasha Rogers.

“Natasha Rogers…” you whispered, barely audible and a smile spread on your lips involuntarily. You liked the sound of that. “That will do.”

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Part 4

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Thank you for reading :-*

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Tags: @cxptain​​ @smilexcaptainx​​ , @murdermornings​​ @irepostthingsiwanttoseelater , @polarcrystall​​ @eliza5616​​ @rayofdawnworld @victor-criss-bish​​ @skychild29​​  @elysianecho​​ @simmisblog​​ @scentedsongrebel​​ @orions-nebula​​, @sergeantrosabellaswan​​ @songofcosplay​​, @ilovesupersoldiers​​ @wxstedhexrt​​ @silver-winter-wolf​​ @guardian-tn @janieavalos  @vxidnik​​, @patzammit​​ , @annathesillyfriend​​ @maravderofthephoenix​​

Anyone wants in or out, shoot me a DM or an ask :)) It’s (usually) no problem ;)

[kickingitwithkirk]

Happy Coincidence Chance Discovery

Pairing: Sam Winchester x Piper, Jared Padalecki x Piper,

Characters: Dean Winchester /Jensen Ackles, mentions of Chad Michael Murray 

Word Count:4367

Warnings: cursing, kissing, nudity, implied sex/genital fondling/teasing 

 *Jared and Jensen are single.

A/N: for @idreamofplaid​  Thanks for the Memories Challenge #plaid and the memories  HAPPY BIRTHDAY JARED🎉

Prompt: Season 11, episode 4, Baby

A/N: Baby is my favorite episode but every time I’ve watched it I kept wondering; Sam’s hook up with Piper the waitress? So this is my fill in that blank with a Jared twist.

Divider: created by @writeyourmindaway​

*No beta all mistakes are mine

Dean drives into the parking lot of a roadhouse just after dusk and Sam looks at the marquee shaking his head in disbelief.

“Are you serious? Dean, it's late, I’m exhausted and..and.. and starving.  And this place. I mean, even Swayze wouldn't come to this roadhouse.” Sam groused.

“First of all, never use Swayze’s name in vain, okay. Ever.” Dean chastises his brother for such a sacrilege, “Second, you don't remember this place? You don't remember Heather, the hunter we worked the wendigo case a couple years ago?”

“Oh, yeah,” Sam partially smiles, remembering that night of fun.

 “Yeah, exactly” Dean taking the same trip down memory lane.

“What, she’s here tonight?” Sam asks, perking up a bit.

 “I texted her, she's working a rugaru case in Texas.” Dean says.

“Actually, she never texted me back. That's not the point, the point is that we have a ton of driving left to do just to go to a town where it's not probably a case.” Dean points ahead, “But in there, good times.”

 “Uh...” Sam hedges looking at the building.

 “But time heals all wounds, especially good times. What do ya say?” Dean looks at his brother hopeful.

 “I say... knock yourself out.” Sam answers with his usual reply and Dean looks away, “I'm gonna find a diner and dig into the lore like Cas did, see if anythings ever happened where we’re headed.”

“Ah man, you really got to learn to have fun.” Dean’s reply was full of disappointment in his little brother.

“Seriously. It’s pathetic.” 

They both climb out of the Impala. Sam grabs his bag from the backseat and starts walking back towards town as Dean heads into the roadhouse. 

***

Sam had walked over a mile looking for somewhere to eat. Being Saturday night he thought there’d be more open but that’s small town living, the streets roll up at noon on the weekends. 

He was about to give up and hike back to that mom & pop gas station he passed for a microwave burrito, preferably bean to get back at Dean, when he happened upon a small, local place, Mak’s Diner. 

Hitching his bag up, he pushed open the door expecting the usual greasy spoon Dean's unerring sense navigates towards and stops just inside the front door.

It was an older establishment, obviously one of those passed down from generation to generation places but to his surprise it was well maintained, despite the C on the marquee being burnt out.

“Evening, have a seat anywhere and I’ll be right with you.” A woman’s voice called out from the kitchen. Sam walked past the counter smiling at only other occupants, an elderly couple having coffee and dessert, heading towards the back where family seating was located. 

As he passed the next to last booth he noticed a closed laptop, several open books with notes scrawled around their margins, highlighted paragraphs and a few notebooks scattered on its tabletop.

He dropped the bag on the seat and shed his jacket before sliding into the booth, fishing out his laptop and the legal pad that he had started making more notes on earlier.

“Hey there, what can I get you?” 

Picking up the menu laying by his elbow Sam glances through it, “Coffee and the Cobb salad, thanks.” He orders closing the menu and looking up to hand it to the waitress. She is differently not what he would have expected to find in a backwater burg like this one. 

Her makeup is understated, nails painted a neutral color and her copper hued hair is pulled back in an elegant chiffon, not a high ponytail or hastily bobby pinned up-do, held in place with a real silver clip, the type that’s handed down as an heirloom.

“Just the Cobb salad?” She asked looking under the tabletop, taking in Sam’s long legs somewhat stretched out under it, boots bumping against the other side of the circular booth. Her blue/grey eyes slowly travel up appraising his body till they meet his.

“Big boys like you need more than a few leafy greens for stamina.” 

Sam felt himself blushing like he was seventeen again. Waitresses blatantly flirt with Dean and vice versa all the time so he’s taken aback by this woman's more than blatant appraisal of his physique.

“I, um, yeah, ju..just the salad.” Sam stammers out.

“Okay, be back with that coffee.” Her smiles genuinely, not that faked for the customers sake one he’s used to.

Sam appraises her retreating figure like she did him. She’s not wearing the nurses white or black rubber soled shoes that’s usual waitress gear he’s seen but a brand of tennis shoes he knows are out of the typical income of career restaurant staff. 

The fifties style, yellow uniforms color is completely unflattering, not fitting her right, way too tight around her bust and hips and far shorter than it should be, her mile long legs on display.

Sam shifts in his seat and tries to discreetly palm down his spontaneous erection but not so little Sam is putting up a fight, making it known it's been way too long since he’s gotten wet and he wants to enjoy her junoesque attributes. 

***

While he is waiting for a page to load Sam hears the elderly couple preparing to leave. He watches as the husband helps his wife into her jacket and gently takes her hand, resting it in the crook of his arm as they slowly make their way to the exit, feeling the pang of loneliness that’s his constant companion.

“Mr. Reynolds’s, hang on a sec,” the waitress calls from the kitchen emerging with a white cake box tied shut, “Auntie wanted me to make sure you got this before leaving. She’s sorry she missed your anniversary party.”

“You tell her we missed her, needs to hurry up and get well.” Mrs. Reynolds remarked as her husband took the box with his free hand. She glanced back towards Sam, “Sweetie, you gonna be okay here with the likes of him?” 

Sam kept his expression neutral, waiting to see how this plays out. He knew people found him intimidating because of his size and being a stranger in a small town, he definitely stands out but not many were that blatant about it.

“He ordered a Cobb salad, I think I can handle him,” she jested winking at him.

The couple bid her goodnight and she went back into the kitchen, Sam realizing they were now all alone. Sighing, he starts reading the info again trying to figure out what exactly their hunting is. Or not.

He was so focused on his research like usual he didn’t acknowledge the waitress standing there with his order.

“Kmm hmm,” Sam’s head snapped up, “must be something really good if you don’t notice the likes of me.” She chided him setting down a coffee decanter and cup.

“Sorry, guess I was kinda caught up.” Sam moves the laptop and notepad over as she sets down his salad and two types of dressing. “Figured you might not be a ranch type of guy so I grabbed the vinaigrette too.” 

“Thanks, I prefer vinaigrette, don’t usually get offered it.” 

“I’m pretty good at reading people which is why I also brought you this,” she set down another plate with a lettuce wrapped, curiously colored and, by the smell, not meat burger with all the fixings, a generous helping of baked sweet potato fries and a green colored milkshake.

“I didn’t order this.”

“I know but it cooks night off and I’m trying some new recipes. Seeing as you're the only other one here, you've been conscripted as my guinea pig.” She slid into the other side of his booth where an identical plate rested, “I wasn’t kidding about you needing more than just a salad. Besides, I hate eating alone, you wouldn’t believe how often it happens. Fuck, where’s my manners, I’m Piper.” She stuck her hand out across the table.

He takes her preferred hand amazed how it fits perfectly in his, “Sam.” 

“So Sam, figure out what you're hunting yet?” She asked nonchalantly as she picked up her burger, “Cause, not being judgey, but that’s some really random shit you got there.” She takes a bite, watches as his expression bounces between startled and incredulous.

“How…”

“Saw your Tarsus 99 when you took off your jacket. I had one as a kid, then daddy got killed on a hunt and I got sent here to live with Auntie, she doesn’t cotton to hunting.” 

Piper picked up a fry pointing it at him, “But what I really wanna know, where the hell did you get that demon blade, ‘cause I’ve never seen one like it before.” 

Sam hesitates, “That’s a long story.” 

“Don’t close till one and I’ve got nowhere to be after.”

Sam decides to deflect instead of answering. “So what is it you do, because you're definitely not a waitress.” 

“Officially, I’m an antique appraiser. Unofficially, I’m helping a wayward hunter who graced my door with something he can’t figure out.”

***

Sam and Piper, after closing the diner, stayed another three hours hashing out the research for his case were now taking their time walking back towards the roadhouse. 

“I’ve been wanting to ask, what’s with that name tag?” Sam noticed early it read Maggie.

“Came with this god awful uniform. Auntie insists that we all adhere to how her daddy ran the place. So when I came back to temporarily help out after her surgery, Maggie decided she was not gonna take orders from someone younger, quit and I got stuck with this. I told Auntie it wouldn’t fit, even with letting out the hem. Maggie was like five-four and I’m over five-ten! 

Ugh! I keep popping these stupid top buttons and can’t freaking bend over without showing everyone my C U Next Tuesday.” 

Sam smiled that nervous smile he got when unsure how to respond to an answer he wasn’t expecting.

“I normally wear this to cover it,” moving her pocketed hands in the light weight, knee length sweater she had put on when they left the diner, “but I have to confess,” Piper turned around, walking backwards, “I took it off when I saw you come in, thought what the hell, been long time since a really cute guy has walk through my door so...” She bit her lip, turning back around as they continued down the lane in companionable silence.

Sam mused over her confession admitting to himself he was interested in her too. He enjoyed sharing different theories and bouncing ideas of what they might be hunting back and forth with her, surprising him with her unique take on things.

Piper might not have been the type he consciously steered towards since Jess but she was comfortable to be around, didn’t feel his usual awkwardness he normally had around most women. 

They arrived at the roadhouse a few minutes later and Sam led her towards the Impala.

“Damn, you brother is a fucking artist, how many times has he rebuilt her?” Piper asked walking around the car, running her hand over the Impalas pristine exterior. 

“To many.” Sam replies, putting his bag on the front seat. “Can I have a look?” He turns to see Piper standing by the trunk. “Um, sure.” Strolling over he unlocks it and lifts the interior wheel well exposing the car's hidden armory.

“Is that a grenade launcher?”

“Yeah, Dean found it at the bunker.” Sam laughed remembering how excited Dean had been when he discovered it. 

Piper shook her head shutting the trunk and hopped up on it, “What’cha wanna do now, go in,” gesturing at the bar, “or hang out here for a while longer?”

“I think I’m good hanging o...”

Piper grabbed his jacket dragging him between her spread legs and kissed him.

It took Sam all of five seconds to process what was happening before his hands grabbed her hips and tugged her to the edge of the trunk, her short skirt riding even higher as she wrapped her legs around him, pulling him closer.

Sam jerked back as headlights flashing over them, a patrol car drove into the parking lot. He lifted Piper off the trunk and led her to the car's back door dragging  the green cooler out of their way.

Piper climbed in as he hauled it to the trunk and grabs the army blanket Dean keeps then gets in depositing it and his jacket over the front seat.

“Where were we before being rudely interrupted?” Piper asked, sliding onto Sam’s lap and leaning in to resume kissing him. 

Sam tangled his long fingers into her now loose hair pulling to halt her, “What about that patrolman?”

“Won’t be back till closing, around six A.M.”

“That means Dean won’t either,” he says closing the space between them, heatedly attacking her lips.

***

Piper ran her hand over his bare chest, “How long is your refractory period?”

Sam shifted to look down at her, “umm, around twenty minutes.”

“Hmmm, I’m gonna have to see what I can do to shorten that ‘cause we are so doing that more than once again.”

“And how are you gonna do that?” 

Piper stared at him slowly trailing her hand down his torso. Sam’s breath hitched as she lightly teased her fingers across his lower stomach, running through his treasure trail and over to his hip.

Shifting further down his body she continued running her fingers over the top of his left thigh feeling the hard muscles flexing under the skin. She placed both of her hands in between his legs shifting his left one off the seat and bending his right leg back placing his foot flat on the bench seat. 

Piper kneels in the space between Sam’s spread legs continuously moving her fingers in random patterns over the insides of both tights, touching him everywhere below his waist.

Sam closed his eyes groaning loudly, dropping his head back against the window as her fingers played over his balls feeling her other hand travel behind them teasing over his...

“You fell asleep in the fucking car!”

His eyes snapped open startled. Blinking rapidly he sees Dean leaning through the open car window looking at him. 

“Dean what...where’s Piper?”

“What’s a Piper?” He growled out, “Dude, we wrapped twenty minutes ago and I’ve been looking for you, got worried cause you weren’t answering your fucking phone Jay!”

He took a good look at Dean. His foggy brain finally realizing its mistake, taking in the headset hanging around his neck and the ball cap he likes wearing when directing. “Jen, sorry, guess I’m still in Sam headspace, got disoriented for a sec.”

Jensen laughed, “You find one grey hair and suddenly you're getting memory loss and needing naps? I’ll have to remember to have you in bed by nine, old man.” 

“Your fucking hilarious Jack.” Jared shoots back sliding across the seat getting out, “Man, I had the weirdest dream.”

“From the happy noises you were making that was far from weird. And speaking of happy,” Jensen's eyebrows went up as he pointedly looked down.

Jared glances down thinking he’s drooled all over himself only to see the prominent bulge in his jeans.

“Bob’s called a meeting in five but I think we’re gonna be late.” 

***

“I’m telling you it was so real! She was tall with coppery blond hair, tasted like chocolate peppermint and has this tattoo above her...” Jared paused grinning, keeping that specific location to himself, “I’ve never in my life had such a vivid dream like that.”

“Dude, you like petite brunettes.” 

“I know..so why would I make her a redhead?”

“Hell if I know, it’s your giant melon. Maybe all that sugar ribbon you eat is finally getting its revenge.” Jensen snarks as they enter the meeting room.

They were greeted by Bob’s gruff voice, “About time you two showed up. Alright, now that everyone is finally here, we need to get everyone up to speed. We’re having to make changes to the filming schedule.” He pauses looking at him notes, “Jared, don’t need you to come tomorrow for those new promo shots with, what was that new character again?” 

“Y/N Y/L/N, Sam’s new love interest.”

“Right, anyways, writers scraped that idea. As some of you heard, several of our exterior locations got flooded with that last storm and it’s taking time to find new locations so instead of doing blocking we're gonna do a quick read through of the new episode.”

Jared opened his copy of the new script to episode 4: Baby.

Reading the opening scene he experiences deja vu, quickly scanning the first two pages: bunkers garage: Dean washing the Impala, Sam having a possible case in Oregon. Next scene: interior shot Impala, Sam gets a protein shake out of cooler, Dean wants to know about the beer. Next scene: pulling in roadhouse parking lot, Dean trying to get Sam to join him, goes to eat instead, shot from Impala view watching Dean walking. Next scene: daybreak continuing from the view of the car...

“Fuck me.” Jared whispers, catching Jensen's attention. “What’s wrong?”

“This is how my dream started.”

Jensen pulls a yeah right face.

Jared shifted in his chair leaning closer to Jensen, looking directly into his green eyes, “I’ll prove it. Next scene: Dean gets in the car at daybreak and a naked waitress pops up in the backseat with a voice-over from Sam. Dean gets out peeping in the driver's side back window at her getting dressed. Cut to next scene: Sam climbs into front seat buttoning his flannel as he apologizes for having sex in Dean’s car. Dean, happy his brother finally got laid drives off quoting Bob Sager lyrics, playing Night Moves and Sam changing a lyric. 

Jared continued to lay out the entire episode from memory as Jensen flips through the script following.

“Bullshit Jared, someone snuck you a copy of this script, you're totally fucking with me.” 

“Jensen, not this time.”

***

Jared walked back to his trailer aggravated that Jensen won’t believe he didn’t get an advance peek of the script. He can’t shake this unsettling feeling that he was forgetting something important.

He was two steps into his trailer when his phone vibrated. Chad left a voicemail instead of texting, weird.

“Jay man, you gotta do me solid. A friend of mine got the part of Y/N on your show and I don’t know what the fucks happening up there but she flipped the fuck out on me! Need you to check on her, she’s outside one of the guest trailers. And have her call me back after she’s calmed the fuck down!”

Jared snorted, another woman pissed off at Chad, shocker. “The fuck you getting me into this time Murray.” Jared mutters to himself as he heads over to the guest stars trailers and hears a somewhat familiar voice outside of one.

“What do you mean there’s nothing you can do? I get here and now they're telling me they’ve dropped the story line.”

There was a pause in conversation as Jared walked closer to hear more clearly over the lot's noises and was shocked when he saw her sitting on one of the trailer's steps.

“But I signed a contract...what? I don’t remember seeing that in there. So they can just arbitrarily drop the part with no notification, that’s bullshit! I’ve never had a clause like that in one before. I gave up my job and apartment for this!” She gets up and paces around not noticing him. 

“They're giving me the bit part of the waitress in this episode, have a five am call for hair, getting a blonde rinse so I look more like a Dean type girl. I don’t know what the fuck is with these writers, it’s like they don’t get Sam, should’ve left him like Kripke originally created him.” She paused, “paying me what? At scale! That’ll just cover my petrol for the drive back to L.A. Wait, what about my six month lease? Could you check on it.” 

“Oh, giving me two nights at the Hilton. How magnanimous of them,” she sarcastically replies, “can I still get that part on Arrow...cast someone else.” She abruptly ends the call and sits back down on the step slumping over her knees.  

“So, how much of that fucked up conversation did you overhear?” She asked not looking at him.

“Um, almost all of it.” Jared confesses, “I wasn’t intentionally eavesdropping but I got a voicemail from Chad,” she looked up staring in disbelief at Jared, “he’s worried and wanted me to check on you.” 

“Fanfuckingtastic, can this day get any better? I’ve completely humiliated myself in front of Jared Fucking Padalecki!” 

Jared can just make out her blushing in the still dimming light. “I wouldn’t say completely, I mean, you could drop your pants and yell Pudding.”

She blinked at him before doubling over in laughter, “Alright, point taken. Still, it’s a crock of shit you don’t need to be bothered with.”

“Chad’s kinda made it my problem. Look, I don't know all the details but maybe I can help, I can call casting..”

“Oh hell no! Thanks but no thanks. Bunch of assbutts on social media were already speculating about how someone like me got the part in the first place. Last thing I need is more ammo for the haters, they’ll tweet something like I had a three way with you and Ackles because I was desperate to get the part back.” 

Jared cleared his throat, running a hand through his hair embarrassed to feel turned on by the imagery she conjured up in his mind. 

 “Mmm, that’d be my wet dream come true, but not the point, they’ll just come up with some random shit.”

Jared understood being all too familiar with the anti whatever’s having been the target himself.

“Okay, how about we go to my trailer,” she gave him a skeptical look, “where you can have some privacy to call Chad back. I’ll get de-Sam’d and we can talk some more or grab a bite if you're hungry.”

“You don’t know me from Adam, what if I’m some psychotic serial stocker nut job?” 

“If your friends with Chad, you absofuckingloutley are Ms. what's your name.” Jared sarcastically remarks given her a mischievous grin.

“Touché, and it's Piper,” Jared froze at her name, “and you’ve been friends with Murry longer than me so I know you’re straight up batshit crazy.” She smarts back standing up, “lead on, oh gallant knight.”

***

Jared walked out of the bath toweling his wet hair sees Piper lounging on his couch still on the phone with Chad.

As he crossed over to the kitchen's fridge he couldn’t help but notice her low rise jeans had ridden lower, revealing the top half of the tattoo just above her..

“Dude, should’a told me Padalecki has a tattoo kink,” Jared tripped over his feet before catching himself embarrassed at getting caught, “Yeah, that was your boy.” She winked at him, “No way in hell I’m ever showing it to you perv.” Jared loudly laughs at that. “Hey, when I get back I’m PA’ing for you till I get another gig. Don’t you dare argue, you got me into this so it’s that or I’m on your couch for a month,” Piper rolled her eyes at Chad’s response, “Yeah, yeah, talk to you later.”

“Is that how you met Chad, working as a PA?” Jared inquired coming over to sit down next to Piper handing her a beer. 

“Yeah, paid the bills while doing auditions, was starting to pick up a few bit parts around LA.” Piper starts nervously fiddling with the bottles label, “I heard about the casting call for a new Sam girl and Murry talked me into trying out for it, so I figured unless I kiss Crowley I don’t have a shot in hell and holy fuck, I got it.” 

She stopped talking but kept playing with the label. 

“Hey, whatever it is you don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to.” Jared says gently touching her shoulder in a reassuring manner.

She took a long pull of her beer before continuing. “My Auntie died and I inherited everything, including her debts. I negotiated a smaller settlement but it wiped out all my savings.” She paused draining the rest of her bottle. “I figured it was serendipity..”

Jared is half listening, feeling that uneasy sensation again at that last word.

“...gonna be Sam Winchester’s...”

“If we’re meant to meet again,”

“.. weren’t killing her off after three episodes but then they decided to drop that story line...”

“we will.”

“...I should be going. Thanks for the beer and letting bending your ear, I’m gonna get out of your hair.” Piper gets up heading for the door.

Jared finally remembers.

“I believe in serendipity..maybe you can too.”

He quickly jumped up moving between her and the door blurting out, “I know you said you didn’t want my help but you can’t go, not yet.”

“Okay, why not? ‘Cause any other time I’d be up for some wham bam thank you ma’am but so not in the mood right now.”

Taking a deep breath he goes for it, “So, get this, after we finished filming today, I fell asleep in the Impala and had this dream…” 

***

Jared sat on the couch nervously chewing on his thumb watching as Piper paces back and forth mulling over his story.

She abruptly stopped and sat down on the table in front of him. “So here's the deal, I will believe everything you've told me,” Jared opens his mouth to say something but Piper reached out laying her fingers on his lips, “if you can answer one question.” 

Jared took her hand remembering how it felt so right in his, “Okay.”

“Since you’ve seen it in your dream, what does my tattoo mean?”

“In Japanese, it means happy coincidence,” Jared confidently says sitting back as Piper climbs onto his lap, “but that's the first line, the second one is chance discovery.”

Jared pulls her in, brushing his lips against hers, running his tongue across them so she’ll part them , allowing him access. He can taste the beer they’ve been drinking but there’s that sumptuous flavor of her underneath he finds intoxicating..chocolate peppermint..thinking to himself..

Serendipity.

[greetings-bloodfreak]

CHAP ONE: home

aka I accidentally started writing spn fluffy one shots, and no, I do not regret it. here's the first one!

~~~~

‘Home means an enjoyable, happy place where you can live, laugh and learn. It's somewhere where you are loved, respected, and cared for. When you look at it from the outside, home is just a house. A building.’

The soft glow of the map table made Cas feel like he was basking in the light of a far off star. He slowly traced the lines that cut through the continents and oceans, the definition he'd memorised years ago rolling through his head. He never would've thought he'd find it; home that is. Hell, he never thought he deserved it.

"Babe, I finished the pancakes. They're kinda malformed but hey, that just gives them character, right?" Dean shuffled in from the kitchen, balancing two plates piled with pancakes.

"Thank you love," Cas said as Dean placed a plate down in front of him, leaving a soft kiss on his temple before he sat down with his own significantly heavier plate. He stared at the man across from him. He looked at ease. Nothing but them and their pancakes. Cas could cry with relief.

“Hey Dean.”

“Yeah?”

“How would you define home?”

“What do you mean babe?” Dean said, his stack already noticeably smaller. When Cas couldn’t seem to piece together a response he put down his fork and took Cas’ hand. “How do I define home?” Cas nodded. “Let’s see. Well, first of all, I think a house and a home are different things. Like, a house is where you live y’know? Where you sleep or where you keep your clothes and things like that. The roof you put over your head. A home is where you feel safe, at ease. So sure that could be a house but in my experience it can also be a person or even multiple people. Like take you and Sam for example, when I’m with you, hard as it might be to believe, I feel like I can take down a few walls y’know, relax a little. Now obviously Sam’s off doing that whole husband father thing with Eileen, and I don’t blame ‘em, they both deserve a little peace and quiet at the least, I think we all do.” He paused, “Y’know, for the longest time I thought it’d always just be me and Sam, I couldn’t see anyone else being willing to put up with me for more than a couple days. And then you came along and suddenly I had another person that made me feel safe, a person that I felt at home with. It scared the shit outta me Cas, cause I never thought…. I couldn’t let myself think about you like that. Losing your home hurts like hell, and losing you…. Well, we know how well I handled that. It took me so long to get over that fear, but I’m glad I did cause even though I don’t have Sam all the time anymore, it doesn't matter, cause I got you. And for what it’s worth Cas, you got me. You’ll always have me.” A kiss to Cas’ knuckle, “That make sense?”

Cas nodded. If he had been on the verge of tears before now he was actively willing them back. He stared at Dean’s hand wrapped in his own. The very same hands he’d rebuilt all those years ago. He’d grown to love Dean’s hands, love all of Dean. Every stupid joke, every nick and scar, every fibre of his being. What Dean said didn’t just make sense, it resonated with him. It was exactly how he felt with Dean. “I know what you mean,” Cas said, “You are my home Dean Winchester. Always.”

“You just had to go and make it sappy huh babe.”

“You made it sappy first, plus I still do not understand the whole ‘babe’ thing. I am substantially older than a baby.”

“Sounds like something a baby would say.”

“Babies don’t talk Dean.” Cas turned back to his plate, he squinted, “This one looks just like Australia,” he said, placing the pancake onto the country to prove it, “How did you even manage that?”

“Would you believe me if I said magic?” Dean wriggled his eyebrows. Cas snorted, Dean always had a way of lightening the mood. Even if it was through susceptible eyebrow movements. Cas watched in admiration as the love of his life continued to assign abnormal pancakes to various countries on the map.

And at that moment he finally understood the saying ‘Home is where the heart is’ cause it was true. And his heart was right here, currently ripping a pancake into two so it could fit in both Japan and New Zealand, and he’d have it no other way.

~~~~

https://archiveofourown.org/works/27990174/chapters/68557887 -> here's the ao3 link if you wanna check it out there (plus the other one shots are already up there so if you wanna go see them before I post them here be my guest!)

[whiskeycherrypie]

grateful (1446 words) by whiskeycherrypie

Rating: General Audiences

Relationships: Dean Winchester & Sam Winchester, Dean Winchester/Sam Winchester

Characters: Dean Winchester, Sam Winchester, Mary Winchester

Additional Tags: Season/Series 14 Spoilers, Episode: s14e13 Lebanon, Coda, Episode Related, Alcohol, Sharing a Bed, Suspicions, Implied/Referenced Incest, Pre-Slash, Misunderstandings, Schmoop

Summary:

John says something to Mary. Sam and Dean pass out in bed together.

The timing couldn't be worse.

Happens right after the 300th episode Lebanon, of course contains spoilers.

(ambiguous pairing, could be read both as wincest pre-slash and as gen, because the assumptions made are incorrect at the time)

After John's gone, they all get spectacularly drunk.

The first couple of drinks are needed just to tell Cas what happened and then they just don't stop and for once, even Sam doesn't feel the need to.

Something inside him is completely unraveled, he can feel that, and he kinda hopes the whiskey induced oblivion he's headed into will tide him over until he can figure out how to put himself back together.

Dean probably shouldn't drink so much, lose control that way with Michael in his head, but fuck if Sam's going to stop him. They're slumped at the library table together, bottles scattered like a little forest around them. Mom and Cas are further upfront and Mary has her head propped up on her hand, listening intently to something Cas is quietly telling her. It's some shit about time and souls and apparently it's a long story. Sam doesn't know how she can stand to hear about it, hear all about the machinery of the universe that put them in this shit spot, but it seems to be helping her, so Sam leaves them to it, too.

Minutes tick past in the dim room. Sam starts to lose focus.

“You gon' be okay?” Dean slurs next to him.

“Eventually,” is what Sam manages to squeeze out of himself in reply. He doesn't bother asking Dean, not because he doesn't care, God knows he does, but because he thinks he already knows the answer anyway.

“I think I kinda wanna go to bed,” Dean says a while later, all quiet and grudging, like he's admitting to some big secret. Sam puts some effort into making sure his legs will hold him, stands up, swaying, grabs Dean by the shoulder.

“Come on then.”

They shuffle their way out of the library quietly, their departure either unnoticed (by Mary at least) or ignored. Sam's entered a stage where he can say he is somewhat numbed to it all, but can't properly enjoy it because there's buzzing in his head and walking is really, really an annoyance.

When they make it to the bedroom door – actually, a bedroom door, Sam's a little fuzzy on where they are exactly and where they were headed – he leans on the door frame, tongue all sticky and heavy with whiskey.

“It's just... too much.”

“I know,” Dean grunts from somewhere near Sam's shoulder.

Then it's dark, a plunging mattress underneath him and a warmth all along his back, like a comfort that he has forgotten all about and sorely missed.

-

The first thing Mary registers when she wakes is the pounding in her head. The second thing she registers is what John had said when they were alone, asking about the boys.

It comes to her with clarity that is cruel in the face of her hangover. As though during her whiskey soaked sleep, what she didn't want and couldn't understand worked its way through her mind and handed itself to her on a silver platter.

“So, the boys. They're good, huh?”

“Yeah. Yeah, they are, they... you did well.”

“I gotta say, where I'm at, it was kinda touch and go for a while whether Dean would just hang it up and run off with Sam.”

“Really? I thought it was only when Sam's girl, Jessica...”

“I don't know. Dean wasn't doing too well. So they're like this now? This is their home? No girlfriends, normal life...?”

“Not lately as far as I know. It's the life. And there's so much going on.”

“And you don't-”

“What?”

“Are they... never mind. Tell me what you have been doing.”

She sits, stomach heaving threateningly. She blames it on the hangover.

She let that go, what John was asking, the intent in his eyes as he watched her answer his question, like he was looking for a crack, for an answer. She let it go then because she just wanted to see him, kiss him, allow herself the comfort of everything she had been so sorely missing.

But now he's gone again and she's sleeping in a cold bed and realizing what it was he wanted to find out.

She wants a shower and coffee and maybe more whiskey. It's too much.

-

Sam always sleeps like a log when he's really, really drunk. It's handy if he wants to knock himself out, but the mornings are a pain of full bladder and aching muscles and his head feeling like it's just a sponge that needs to be wrung out to start functioning again. Today is no different and he wakes, eyes still closed, taking stock of just how bad it is. Yeah, his right arm is pretty much numb and he needs to piss badly and that's not to mention the headache slowly creeping up into his temples.

He's also painfully aware of everything that happened the night before.

Shifting slightly, he comes to a stop and his eyes fly open, squinting into the dimness of the room. Dean's room. Huh. And the reason his arm is numb is because Dean's lying on it.

So maybe he's not aware of everything that happened. But it figures, he thinks, that seeing Dad would send him and Dean into some old habits, like sharing a bed, because that was the norm on the road until they got too big to really fit. The bunker beds aren't the smallest, but Sam still tries to catalog if he's about to fall on his ass over the edge. They're spooning, kinda, Sam's arm trapped under Dean, chest to back. They didn't make it under the covers.

Dean wakes then, grunting and lifting himself up just enough that Sam can get his arm back, then flopping onto his back.

“'Time is it?”

Sam squints at Dean's alarm clock. His headache is just getting worse. “Half past nine.”

“What are you doing here?” Dean asks, voice sleepy, like he only just noticed this isn't how they usually wake up.

“No idea,” Sam admits. “I think I just passed out.”

“How do you like the memory foam?”

Sam snorts, burying his head into the pillow, making himself comfortable. Bathroom can wait for a little while yet. It's comfortable here and not because of the mattress. It's Dean's space, smells like him, feels like him and there is still, even at his age and after everything they've been through some basic, instinctual part of Sam's brain that relaxes when Dean is near.

It's nice, having privacy. Having their own rooms. But it's also nice to be close.

“You up for breakfast?”

-

The trip for coffee takes her by Dean's room and she pauses when she sees the door ajar, peeking in.

They're both there. Nearly too big for the bed, dressed on top of the covers, but undeniably together, Sam draped all along Dean's back, holding him.

They don't wake.

-

“Oh.”

“What?”

Dean hands him a piece of paper and the words take some time to penetrate Sam's insufficiently caffeinated brain. But then they do.

Mom needs space, again. He can't say it doesn't hurt after last night, after everything, but hell, he was her husband. Seeing John put them all through the wringer and he and Dean were the ones to cause it and then come back saying John needed to disappear again or they all would.

“I thought... ” he says. Dean pours him some more coffee, dropping heavily onto the seat opposite of Sam's. “I mean, she's done this before, but I don't know, I thought this time it wouldn't be like that. I thought this time we could deal with it together, you know?”

“Yeah.” Dean's voice is all gravelly and Sam looks at him, feeling both very fond and very sad at the sight of his brother's mussed hair and puffy eyes. “Listen, this puts us back to square one on the Michael front, but do you think we could take it easy today?”

Dean, actually asking for time off. As if Sam could say no to that.

“Of course, yeah. If you want. You wanna watch a movie or go for a drive or something?”

“Maybe, yeah. Either's good. Listen, Sammy...”

“Yeah.”

“Thanks. For everything. And hey, don't look at me like that, this is not my deathbed thank you, okay? This is a normal, stayin' alive thank you.”

Sam nods, swallowing hard. He's grateful too. He's grateful for Dean most of all.

Dean doesn't need to hear it, not right now anyway, because Sam's said it before. But he will do ever better than that. He's going to show him. Get rid of Michael. Get rid of anything that comes after.

And he's going to stay.

[beatlejuice64]

Destiel Season 12: A catalog of Supernatural episodes

A catalog of each episode in Supernatural that features scenes related to Destiel. This includes scenes between Dean and Castiel, scenes with other characters that address their relationship with each other, and scenes that allude to Dean’s bisexuality.

Season 12 Summary Analysis

Cas is ecstatic that Dean survived the confrontation with Amara. Cas, Dean, Sam, and Crowley work together to find Lucifer, and they successfully exorcise him from the President. When Dean and Sam get captured, Cas blames himself and feels lost without them. After Cas kills Billie to save Mary, he and Dean bicker and fight like an old married couple. During a near-death experience while fighting Ramiel, Cas professes his love for the Winchesters. After losing Kelly a second time, Cas leaves to find her and seeks help from the angels, avoiding Dean out of shame for failing him multiple times. Dean calls Cas out for disappearing, but is quick to forgive him and expresses his feelings that they are “better together.” Cas cannot bring himself to kill Kelly, and he ends up channeling the nephilim’s power to defeat Dagon. Cas latches onto his belief that the nephilim can be good for the world and leaves the Winchesters yet again. When Cas is killed by Lucifer, Dean is absolutely devastated.

My interpretation: Cas and Dean’s improved communication with each other early in the season indicates a higher lever of closeness and familiarity than before, as shown through their ability to communicate with looks and through Castiel’s increased ability to pick up on Dean’s sarcasm. Cas shows genuine concern for Mary because he knows how much she means to Dean and knows how much she cares for Dean and Sam. Despite the apparent “cosmic consequences,” Cas kills Billie to save Mary because he cares for her and because he can’t bear to see Dean suffer her loss a second time. Castiel’s confrontation with Ishim reminds him of how much he has changed for the better as a result of Dean’s (and Sam’s) influence, but he still has some lingering self-loathing issues carried over from season 11. Cas repeatedly places the well-being of the Winchesters over his own, and feels unworthy of Dean’s affection. Cas avoids Dean because he cannot bear to disappoint him, and he grows more emotionally distant over the course of the season. Dean understands and accepts Castiel’s behavior and forgives him multiple times for his failures and disappearances, exhibiting truly unconditional love toward him.

12.01 Keep Calm and Carry On

As soon as Cas sees Dean is alive, he gives him a big hug.

When Dean introduces Cas to his Mom, Cas acts slightly awkward.

Cas recognizes Mary’s discomfort with being alive again and tries to make her feel better: “This must be difficult for you. I remember my first moments on Earth. It was jarring.” “One word for it. I grew up with hunters. I’ve heard of people coming back from the dead before. But to actually do it, after 30 years? A lot’s changed. A lot.”

12.02 Mamma Mia

Dean confides in Cas that he feels weird about his mom being back. Cas listens and then gives him advice: “Don’t make things needlessly complicated, as you humans tend to do. I’ll call you.” Dean is annoyed at Castiel’s words: “That’s helpful. Thanks.”

When Cas finds the building where Sam is located, he recognizes Dean’s frustration with his communication style: “Did you have a look inside?” “No. No, it’s powerfully warded.” “Powerfully warded? Okay, see, buddy, that was your headline right there.” “Are we still discussing the same thing?”

When Mary tries to go with Dean, Dean gives Cas a look. Cas understands and comes up with an excuse to persuade Mary to stay with him.

12.03 The Foundry

Castiel admits to Mary that he’s still not sure where he belongs, but he tries to make her feel better, showing genuine concern for her: “Castiel, after you left heaven, when did it start to feel like you fit, like you belonged here?” “Well, I’m still not sure I do.” “Yeah...” “Mary, you DO belong here.”

Cas leaves to find Lucifer without Sam and Dean and calls them out for not taking care of Mary: “If it is him, I will call you. In the meantime, I think you’re needed here.”

Cas fixes his appearance in the mirror before approaching someone’s door (a learned behavior from Dean).

Cas is sarcastic with Crowley (another learned behavior from Dean): “You’re just mad because you’re only my second choice for a Lucifer hunt team-up.” “No, actually, I think it’s sweet. I thought your motivation was ambition and revenge, but now I know you just want to save your mother.”

12.04 American Nightmare

Dean is weirded out by Cas working with Crowley: “Yes, Cas, that’s weird! It’s really, REALLY weird.”

12.05 The One You’ve Been Waiting For

Sam calls Dean out for suppressing his confused feelings about their Mom: “...you sure you don’t wanna talk about...” “No.” “Dean, it’s called sublimation.” “Yeah. Yeah, it’s kinda my thing.”

12.07 Rock Never Dies

Dean exhibits homophobic behavior when he makes fun of Sam’s fondness for hair rock: “Don’t judge a book by its cover.” “Yeah, or a dude by his, uh, rainbow wig and leopard prints.” “Rainbow wig? What? You know what, I’m done apologizing. Lucifer is possessing Vince Vincente. This is Vince Vincente’s music, so listening to it is research.”

Dean teases Cas for his clothes and Cas throws shade right back at him: “You consider switchin’ up your duds there? Bit stiff for this town.” “He could be an agent or something.” “Yeah, maybe a third tier agent.” “At least I don’t look like a lumberjack.” 

Sam blows off Cas and Dean’s bickering like it’s a regular occurrence.

12.08 LOTUS

When Cas gets overwhelmed by angel radio, Dean jumps to his side and holds his arm, worried about his well-being.

12.09 First Blood

Cas feels terrible after losing Kelly and finding out Dean and Sam have been captured, which is exacerbated when Mary blames him for what happened.

Cas goes to Crowley for help finding Dean and Sam, despite how much he loathes him.

Mary meets up with Cas to apologize for blaming him, but he still feels responsible. Mary tries to reassure Cas because he looks so distraught, and he explains that he feels completely lost without them: “I saw it on the news, and I thought, ‘That’s the sort of thing Sam and Dean would investigate.’ They would roll into town, save the day, kill the monsters. But with them gone... I tried to work the case. I tried, but I don’t know what I did wrong. I asked questions, but maybe they were the wrong people or the wrong questions, and I just... I never found it. Never found the monster. Never even got close. And three more women died before I left town, before I ran away.” “So we go back, you and me.” “No. No, I’d only get in your way.”

As soon as Dean and Sam escape from prison, Dean calls Cas for help.

Dean hugs Cas when they’re reunited.

When the car stops and Sam says, “It’s time,” Cas gives Dean a stern look, and Dean looks away in guilt.

Cas is unwilling to let Mary sacrifice herself and kills Billie. Dean is angry at him for taking that risk: “Cas, what’ve you done?” “What had to be done. You know, this world, this sad, doomed little world, it needs you. It needs every last Winchester it can get, and I will not let you die. I won’t let ANY of you die. And I won’t let you sacrifice yourselves. You mean too much to me, to everything. Yeah, you made a deal. You made a stupid deal, and I broke it. You’re welcome.”

12.10 Lily Sunder Has Some Regrets

Sam is annoyed at Dean for being angry at Cas and treating him with petty resentment: “You talk to Cas yet?” “No.” “So what, you’re just gonna keep walk-in’ past each other in the kitchen, not saying a word?” “Maybe.” “Look, yes, Cas killed Billie, but he saved us. He saved Mom. How long are you gonna stay pissed?” “I’m not pissed that he cares about us, you know, I’m grateful. But Billie said there would be ‘cosmic consequences’ if that deal got broken. You have any idea what that means?” “No.” “Neither do I, but I’m pretty sure it ain’t jelly beans and g-strings.” “My point is, Cas thought he was doing the right thing.”

When Cas says he has a friend in danger, Dean is willing to help, but continues to bicker with Cas: “Sure. Yeah, we could help. Gotta make sure you don’t do anything else stupid.” Cas rolls his eyes.

Sam calls Dean and Cas out for their childish behavior toward each other in the car: “Alright. Guys, you know what? This silent treatment thing, it’s silly. It’s not gonna work.”

Cas glares at Dean when he makes a jab at him. They continue to bicker like an old married couple: “Wow, this Benjamin seems like he’s pretty cool, ya know? Like he wouldn’t make any half-cocked, knee-jerk choices.” “Yeah, you know, what I like about him is that he’s sarcastic, but he’s thoughtful and appreciative, too.” “Now what is that supposed to mean?”

Cas continues to throw sarcasm back at Dean: “If I plan to do anything else stupid, I’ll let you know.” Dean doesn’t get why Cas is so upset, and Sam gives him an exasperated look.

While Cas is speaking with Ishim and Mirabel, Dean barges in uninvited and squeezes into the booth. Cas is clearly irritated, but he still calls Sam and Dean his friends: “These are my friends. My friends who don’t listen very well.”

Dean doesn’t like the way that Ishim spoke to Cas: “Why do you let him talk to you like that?”

Ishim comments on Castiel’s relationship with Dean and Sam, and Cas defends his choice to be friends with them: “The way you let those simians talk to you... Castiel, when did you get so gooey? You know why we’re meant to stay away from humans? Hmm? It’s not because we’re a danger to them. They’re a danger to us. Case in point.” “Well, my friendship with Sam and Dean has made me stronger.” “You can’t really believe that.”

Dean demonstrates his protectiveness of Cas when he and Sam confront Lily: “See, Cas is our family, so we can’t let you hurt him.”

When Dean returns to Cas and Ishim, he checks that Cas is okay, then confronts Ishim, who fails to persuade Cas to believe him: “Who are you gonna believe? Your brother, or some filthy ape who’s always talkin’ down to you, always mocking you.” “You know Cas and I might not always agree all the time, but at least he knows who his real friends are.” “Why do his words bother you so much, Ishim?” “Who is he to question my choices? Who is he to question yours?” “Well, it seems that some of my choices may need to be questioned.”

Ishim shows disdain for Castiel’s fondness for Dean as he threatens Dean’s life: “You survived hell. You were chosen by God. But now look at you. You’re just sad and pathetically weak. So now, I’m gonna help you. I’m gonna cure you of your human weakness same way I cured my own—by cutting it out.”

Dean draws an anti-angel sigil, but doesn’t use it because he’s not willing to risk harming Cas.

Dean shows forgiveness toward Cas by bringing him a beer, and he demonstrates his support and appreciation of Cas: “You earned it.” “Well, this will do very little for me, but I appreciate the gesture.” “What Ishim said... you’re not weak, Cas. You know that, right? ... And you have been with us every step of this long, crazy thrill ride. And no matter how crazy it got, you never backed down.”

Dean explains that he’s worried about Cas: “I’m not mad, I’m worried. Because things like ‘cosmic consequences’ have a habit of bitin’ us in the ass.” “I know they do, but I don’t regret what I did, even if it costs me my life.”

Cas demonstrates his value of human life when Sam asks him if he could kill Kelly’s child: “There was a time when I wouldn’t have hesitated. But now, I don’t know.”

12.12 Stuck in the Middle (With You)

Dean is highly amused when a waitress hits on Cas, and he tries to give Cas advice about hooking up with her.

When Cas says he thinks he’s dying, Dean refuses to believe it.

Cas knows he’s dying and still puts the Winchesters’ safety above his own: “Look, thank you. Thank you. Knowing you, it’s been the best part of my life. And the things we’ve shared together, they have changed me. You’re my family. I love you. I love all of you. Just please don’t make my last moments be spent watching you die. Just run. Save yourselves. And I will hold Ramiel off as long as I can.” Cas is looking straight at Dean when he says the line “they have changed me,” and even Mary recognizes how significant that is for Cas.

Dean refuses to leave Castiel’s side: “Like you said, we’re family. And we don’t leave family behind.”

Dean is at a loss for how to save Cas and is relieved when Crowley saves him.

12.15 Somewhere Between Heaven and Hell

As Cas is getting ready to return to heaven, Dean recognizes that something is off with him: “He sound weird to you?”

12.17 The British Invasion

Dean is starting to worry about Cas because he hasn’t heard from him: “Hey, you, uh, you hear anything from Cas yet?” “No. Still MIA.” “You think he’s alright?” “I don’t know.”

12.18 The Memory Remains

Dean is frustrated that he can’t reach Cas: “Cas, it’s me. I’ve been tryin’ to get a hold of you for days. I don’t know what’s goin’ on, but we got a line on Dagon, and we got our asses handed to us, even with the Colt. So... could really use the backup. Just call me back.”

Sam tries to reassure Dean that Cas is okay: “GPS on his phone is turned off, and there’s nothin’ in the system about some weird guy in a trench coat gettin’ arrested, or turning up dead.” “Dean, it’s Cas. I mean, this isn’t the first time he’s dropped off the map, ya know? And whatever’s happening, he’ll be fine. He always is.”

12.19 The Future

When Cas finally shows up, Sam is happy to see him, but Dean is angry that Cas has been ignoring them, even after Cas explains that he’s been in heaven: “No, I’m sorry, okay? ‘Cause while you were strikin’ out in heaven, we had a shot at Dagon, and we lost.” “I know. I received your messages.” “Oh, you DID receive the messages. Okay, that’s good. So not only were you ditching us, but you were also ignoring us. That’s great. ‘Cause we really could’ve used the backup. But, uh, you were too busy with, um... what was it? Nothing? What the hell’s wrong with you, man? You know, whatever. That’s... yeah. Welcome back.” Cas is visibly distraught at how much he has upset Dean.

Cas goes to Dean’s room to apologize and tries to return a mixtape that Dean had given him, but Dean gives it back: “It’s a gift. You keep those.” “Oh.”

Dean explains that Cas ghosting on them is not acceptable, and Cas explains that he has felt guilty for repeatedly failing him: “Cas, you can’t... with everything that’s goin’ on, you can’t just go dark like that. We didn’t know what happened to you. We were worried. That’s not ok.” “Well, I didn’t mean to add to your distress. I... Dean, I just keep failing. Again, and again. When you were taken, I searched for months and I couldn’t find you. And then Kelly escaped on my watch, and I couldn’t find her. And I just wanted... I NEEDED to come back here with a win for you, for myself.” “You think you’re the only one rollin’ snake eyes here? Me and Sam, we had her. We had Kelly, and we lost her.”

Dean forgives Cas and tells him they’re better together: “If you run out of time, could either of you kill an innocent?” “We will find a better way.” “You mean WE?” “Yes, dumbass. We. You, me, and Sam, we’re just better together. So now that you’re back, let’s ‘Go Team Free Will.’ Let’s get it done.” “I’d like that.” “Great. And I’d like a beer.”

Cas knows Dean well enough to look for the Colt under his pillow.

While helping the angels in their mission to kill the nephilim, an angel commends Cas for choosing heaven over the Winchesters, but Cas rejects this idea: “You’re doin’ the right thing, ya know. Committing to Joshua’s plan, putting angelkind above the Winchesters. I mean your reputation in heaven is...” “This has nothing to do with my reputation. I am doing this FOR the Winchesters. I stole the Colt to keep them out of this mission, and to keep them safe from Dagon. And I... I will kill this girl so that Sam and Dean don’t have to.”

When Dean and Sam catch up to Cas, Dean pins him to the wall in anger for deceiving them. Cas explains that he was trying to protect them: “I wanted to keep you out of this. I was trying to keep you safe.” “You’re not our babysitter, Cas, okay? That is not your job. And when in our whole lives have we ever been safe?”

Dean convinces Cas to come back to the bunker with them to talk and figure things out (but Kelly hijacks the car and drives off).

Sam is confused about why Cas keeps ditching them and deceiving them, but Dean understands his perspective: “What’s wrong with Cas?” “Well, he hasn’t exactly had a banner year. I mean, think about it. Between Lucifer, killing Billie, Ramiel, everything’s been blowin’ up in his face. And he’s so desperate for a win right now, he can’t even see straight.”

When Cas sees that Dean is hurt, he immediately heals him.

Dean is concerned about Castiel after his display of channeled nephilim power: “Are you ok?” “I am. I’ve been so lost. I’m not lost anymore. And I know now that this child must be born with all of his power.” ... “Whatever that thing did to you, we’re not just gonna let you walk away.”

Cas puts Dean and Sam to sleep so they can’t follow him and Kelly.

12.20 Twigs & Twine & Naomi Banes

Dean is concerned about what happened with Cas and the nephilim: “...up until now, if Cas messed up, if he did something wrong but he thought it was for the right reasons, I got it. Right? But last night, when I looked at him, I did not recognize the guy staring back at me.”

Dean calls his mom for emotional support over what’s happening with Cas: “Even if you can’t swing by, can you call me back? Just some stuff going down that’s kinda got me spun out. Be good to talk to you.”

12.22 Who We Are

Dean laments how things were when Cas was still around: “You know it wasn’t long ago, I thought we had it made. We saved the world. We got Cas back. We had Mom back. I mean, it wasn’t perfect, but still, we had ‘em. And now...”

12.23 All Along the Watchtower

Dean is still mad at Cas for leaving them, but he sets it aside to take care of business: “You know, Cas has faith in this kid. I hope he’s right. But me? I have faith in US. You, me, Mom, Cas. And Crowley, sometimes.”

When Cas is killed by Lucifer, Dean yells out and falls to his knees. Sam runs inside to check on the nephilim, but Dean does not move from Castiel’s side.

[amwritingmeta]

14x15: It’s So Pretty and Pink

So in S13 I was mildly obsessed with this pattern, because I started seeing it everywhere, especially around Dean and Cas not just in S13, but throughout the series, where pink or hot pink or red and a shade of blue accompanies some of their more illuminating, turning point type of exchanges. 

Of course, it’s not all the time, not in every single scene (though technically Cas is tied to blue quite literally since he wears the color around his neck and Dean is tied to red even through dialogue when he, in 13x16, stated that red is his color) but there was enough for it to peak my interest, especially when I was informed of the poncho moment and the ripple effect it sent through fandom when 10x05 first aired. *readying our ponchos for the purple*

Here’s the thing: pink for feminine and blue for masculine and purple for the moment when they finally come together in harmony is just as viable an interpretation and one I couldn’t help but make, aside from the lovely Destiel-related possibilities here, because the feminine/masculine thread has always been so strong throughout the series.

(to me Dean and Cas can’t be together before they’ve reached a point of internal balance) (so these two interpretations of the red/blue balancing act creating a gorgeous purple, to my mind, pretty much go hand in hand)

Look it, a band of pink and a band of blue with a band of purple in the middle is what?

The bisexual flag. *so pretty*

To me, when I first noticed the pattern, the color purple in the visual narrative began to signify balance between the pink and the blue. Or, as it also sometimes occurs, the red and the blue. 

Purple in the visual narrative became, to me, a signifier for something meant to bring about balance or, at the very least, something that would challenge the status quo. 

Purple is often linked to expositional characters, most starkly it has been linked to Amara, who arrives in a cloud of smoke with purple lightning, and who’s underlings often wear something purple.

Purple is also tied to Charlie and to Rowena, who have always been extreme mirrors of different sides to Dean, and used as fantastic exposition of his internal struggles, to varying extent and degree, of course.

There’s nothing in the show to actually confirm that this interpretation is right in any way, it’s simply a pattern I picked up on and ran with, and it’s interesting to me how often it occurs in moments related to truth or a character revealing their true nature or a monologue high-lighting a character’s inner truth (an inner truth that’s often hidden) (and these previous moments in the series have more often than not related themselves directly to Dean)

There’s a lot of pink in 14x15. 

Like, a lot, right? A lot a lot. 

And I just wanted to post a bit of wholesome appreciation for it, as well as touch on what I see as the possible significance of it, because in this episode I would say that all of it is tied to Cas, as if the narrative is trying to hit him over the head with what actually might save him from the Empty, rather than condemn him to an eternity of dreamless sleep, and his salvation is: happiness.

He’s keeping up the status quo because if he tries for more or dares to want more for himself, the possibility of happiness means that his Shadow aka the Empty will appear and snatch him away. 

I wrote a while back about how I believe that if Cas becomes human this could (and, way I see it, should) constitute the happiest moment for his individual arc, even if he’s not even aware of it himself, and it would mean that his Shadow comes up empty handed *oh pun* because only angels belong in the Empty. (meaning that symbolically only Cas’ identity confusion can trap him in this proverbial eternal sleep mode) 

Let’s dig -->

1. I Love You

Sunny, our narrative representative of kick-ass femininity, appears in pink, surrounded by the colour of warning, as green has a tendency to underline something amiss like a soft visual foreshadowing. 

In this scene we also get a distraught couple saying goodbye, Sunny wanting Conrad to save himself and not live his life trapped within a world of her father’s making, while Conrad doesn’t want to leave without her, but she asks him to, and so he goes. Unfortunately, trying to leave causes his head to explode.

I mean, the interpretation closest at hand here, when looking at the bookend moment, where Conrad’s death brings Sunny to finally confront her father (who’s a chip off the old toxic masculinity block, to say the least), is that Sunny, bound by her sense of duty to her father, sets love free, but loses it anyway, because the only way for her to save Conrad isn’t to send him away and bereave herself of love, but to confront and stand up to her father’s control, freeing herself.

Interestingly, if Conrad hadn’t listened to Sunny and instead chosen to stay, rather than run away at her insistence, he wouldn’t have died. *tut*

2. Caution: Wet Floor

Cas is framed by pink and blue in this shot, while the floor is covered with yellow cautionary signs since the floor is wet where Conrad’s blood has been mopped up. Telling us what? That unless Cas gets his act together soon, he may very well be headed down a slippery slope and end up like Conrad, who took someone else’s instructions, no matter that they came from the person he loved, above following his own heart and got his brain splattered all over the ceiling because of it. *ho hum*

3. Treat Yourself

A very gorgeous, red coat, blue gloves, purple cupcakes, pink cupcakes. I mean, I’m not saying it’s exactly all that, but it is what it is, right? :)

The clear correlations between Cas and Felix the Snake also start very early, where Cas is continuously shown or offered food to eat and declines it. I’ll talk a bit more about this in another meta because I have thoughts, but Cas isn’t eating the food he’s offered in the episode, or drinking anything on offer, for that matter, because he’s not human, and Felix isn’t eating because he’s sad, which in and of itself is an interesting tie, given an episode so concerned with what will make our characters happy.

4. Have You Had Your Milkshake Today?

*reds and pinks and blues and cherries!*

Now, let’s take note. Sam gets a very white milkshake, while Cas gets the pink one, handed to him by our narrative representative of exactly what Cas needs to connect to within himself - his emotions - and then we get the rather mind-blowing, head-exploding line from Sunny when she states Everyone loves milkshakes.

And her eyes land on Cas -->

Who understands he’s meant to love milkshakes, but has this tiny, major problem of just not craving food. At all. And he looks at the pink, cherried milkshake like so -->

--> as though he barely knows what to do with it. *you suck the straw Cas*

And then, of course, he grabs it and smiles awkwardly and says Delicious, all the while not tasting it, because he doesn’t feel any inclination to, and what’s so remarkable about it is the scene which follows close on the heels of this one, strengthening the echo that resounded the moment Sunny claimed that everyone loves milkshakes. 

Oh yes.

Everybody loves bacon.

Because what do we get with Jack and the non-eating Felix and the attempting to be helpful Dean?

We get -->

Kudos for the reaction-frown on Jack’s face that brings to mind a certain trench coated someone who does not eat anything.

Come on, Cas. You know you want to open yourself up and feel more, feel everything. 

Stop. Suppressing. What. You. Want. For. Yourself. 

Find some way to enjoy the damn milkshake! :P

(the cherry makes this milkshake feel wholly related to sex and popping the cherry and Dean’s classic Cherry Pie Dream Sequence and could be seen as an underlining for how Cas is suppressing anything even resembling desire at the moment) (but that’s if you wanna go there) (moving on)

4. Undercover Romance

*amazing house* Reminder: this is where Conrad stayed. 

If we look at Conrad as representative of Cas’ suppression and Cas’ compliance with his Shadow’s threats, Cas avoiding happiness out of fear for the looming consequences, which is reflected in how Conrad runs away from the situation rather than sticking it out and staying by Sunny’s side, then this house should scream pink. 

If Cas can’t a way to stop suppressing his inner kick-ass femininity and dare to be happy, he will die, even if it’s only figuratively. What’s life when it’s completely lacking happiness? He’s walking around like a damn zombie atm.

It’s like the narrative wants him to open his eyes already. 

Aw Cas.

Ah, yes, here comes the hat-wearer in a tan coat with his lady-love in pink, and red, and tan. This as foreshadowing for how Fitzmartin and Yockey really went all in with highlighting the idea of Cas in the visual narrative fitting seamlessly into this era, with his suit and trench coat, but more on that in another post.

The steamy love letter is written on pink paper, which Cas reads while holding another letter that’s hot pink and yet another one that’s purple while his blue tie adds the blue. Kinda neat! Also, that steamy love letter deserves a round of applause, because anything that puts words like that in Cas’ mouth should be lauded.

The fact that Cas reads it perfunctorily is also extremely telling. He’s not responding to it, he’s not embarrassed by it, it’s words on a piece of paper that he doesn’t relate himself to whatsoever.

Aw. Cas. 

6. Are You Hungry?

Pink earbuds and pink little flowers and a blue dress. 

Is Cas hungry for johnnycakes? (btw johnnycakes have a history dating back to the first settlers) (its food entirely to do with learning to survive in a new land) (if you wanna take it to extreme detail land) (and who doesn’t?)

Well, Cas really isn’t hungry for anything, is he? Because? He doesn’t eat. Because? He’s not human.

Sam gets to spend a moment in his happy place because he’s human. It’s all a lie, of course, but the truth of it is that only when Sam stops running away from himself can he actually find the internal balance that will grant him real happiness, and peace of mind. 

And this narrative message goes for all of them in this episode, including Dean and Jack. Saying you’re good or you’re fine means nothing if you’re lying to yourself as much as everyone else.

What intrigues me most about the threading of pink here, though, is how it ties itself to Sunny, because the ending is so definitive in how it states what’s been stated over and over on this show, especially since the beginning of S13: 

Toxic masculinity has to be defeated and, way I see it, it can only be defeated by the characters opening up to and embracing their internal femininity so that it can step up to the plate and finally kick imbalance in the ass. 

And as the external narrative is a reflection of the internal journeys, it follows that once the toxic masculinity/shadow-self has been integrated and the masculine/feminine has found internal balance, the external narrative will begin to take on that tone as well. (but, to my mind, not before)

We shall see. I loved this episode. It’s deeply rich in detail and coming off the back of 14x14 and the enormous turning point that episode gave us, I feel my head is mildly spinning with impressions. Kudos to these formidable writers and welcome to Meghan Fitzmartin. What an entrance!

[bamby0304]

Bamby Reacts- SPN 14x08

Okay so, I’m at it again. I thought… well… I go on my dash and see spoilers (which I don’t mind) and so I know what’s coming but, like, I don’t know the details… and that’s crucial for me. Details are everything. Unfortunately I’ve decided to do this at 10:22pm on Saturday (and type it up the night after… hence the delay in posting), so I’m exhausted and medicated… so I have no idea how coherent I’m gonna be throughout the ep…

Oh yeah… Jack was in hospital and dying in the last ep.

I mean, he didn’t die, but it still broke my heart.

Jack isn’t gonna die. I swear to God, if they introduce this new character and kill him off I’m gonna go ape shit.

Aww!! Look at Sam’s puppy dog face D:

Dean can’t listen to this… I don’t blame him to be honest.

*to Dean* Keep it together, babe.

“What happens next?” - Jack

Yeah, what does happen to a nephilim when they die??

“It’s gonna be an adventure.” - Jack

He’s so optimistic… I find that so weird.

Leave Dean alone, Cas…

Cas’ voice is so raspy… I wonder if that hurts Misha.

“He’s gone.” - Sam

Oh shit… that was fast…

*voice starts shaking* Oh my god… if I didn’t know he comes back I’d be balling my eyes out… but even now I’m getting teary.

You know if Jack never came back from this, they wouldn’t survive the loss.

Where the fuck is Sam going?? What the fuck is Sam going?? Where the fuck is Sam going??

What’s Sam doing?? *sees him sitting on the ground, leaning on the car, and proceeds to gasp out loud* aww, my poor baby, Sam!!

*squeaky half-crying noises* Sam... I just wanna hug- I just wanna hold him.

Tonight, we drink!!

You know a lot of people were complaining about this scene, but after seeing it in its entirety, knowing there’s nougat in the chocolate, like... I know it’s the boys (Jared, Jensen and Misha), but I can still feel that it’s Sam and Dean and Cas.

I wonder if he (Jack) knows he’s dead...

It was the day they were altogether... after Cas came back.

*Jack leaves his heaven* I wonder if he can die... ‘cause he’s part angel... couldn’t he just walk out of heaven??

Oh shit... the Empty is coming after him, ‘cause he’s angel but he’s human, so the Empty is like, ‘dude you gotta come with me’.

There are people talking and it’s not good for Dean’s hangover.

Who the fuck is that??

*Cas introduces her as the chick who tried killing him a little while back* Oh shit... she got old.

“You got old.” - Dean

TWINS!!

“She can read from the translations and maybe we can pull off a miracle.” - Sam

Yeah, no, I can see his logic.

She can’t read it.

Called it.

“Resurrection and a cure... you’re welcome.” - Lily

Seems too easy.

... how are they going to get her into Heaven??

Talk to Billy??

Naomi??

*spends a few minutes trying to remember this ‘God’ they’ve come across before... misses a little bit of the dialogue*

Annnnnd... we’re back in heaven.

That’s Kelly.

That’s his mum... oh my God... IT’S HAPPENING!!

I might cry.

Okay... I’m crying...

Don’t tell her... don’t tell her... don’t tell her *she figures out he’s dead on her own* NOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!

I don’t like this idea... it’s not a deal with a demon but it’s still a deal...

Wow... the Empty opened all the gates to heaven?? How fucking strong is that thing??

I wonder if it’s older than God?? I can’t remember. All I can really remember is its weird accent...

*watches as Sam moves to leave the room after deal finished with the symbol on the ground* Don’t touch the paint, Sammy, it’s wet.

“Why? Why risk going to Hell when you don’t have to? There’s something you’re not telling us.” - Dean

Good point. Good observations skills, my man!!

Imagine if her daughter wasn’t in Heaven, though... xD

Empty could have cleaned up after itself, bloody hell.

Oh shit, has the Empty killed all the angels?? ‘Cause Heaven really doesn’t need that...

That’s not Duma. I know it’s not thanks to my incapability to ignore spoilers... and now I will continuously yell at my screen, begging Cas to see through the facade and realise IT’S NOT DUMA!!

Fucking Naomi.

“46,750,000,000 human souls will be cast in the wind.” - Naomi

Well... they pulled that number outta their ass.

If that’s how many people are in Heaven... how many are in Hell?? My guess is more... ‘cause people suck.

I wonder where Gods go after they die?? Purgatory??

“The brothers Winchester. I must say, your files have come across my desk many times.” - Anubis

*literally chuckles*

“That's unorthodox. Against protocol.” - Anubi

What do you expect?? You’re dealing with the Winchesters.

I mean, woman, you made your bed... go die in it.

“Try again.” - Empty

I TOLD YOU!!

“He’s our kid!” - Sam

You’re killin’ me!!

“Otherwise, how could you ever, ever let anyone go through what you went through? The pain of losing a kid? Don't do this to us.” - Dean

“Ohh, God, they look scared. Does that hurt you? Good… because I want it to.” - Empty

Man... she looks crazy with those smiles. Holy shit, that actress is good!! I’m impressed!!

*rambles on about The Hart and how it’ll fit in with the ep*

Due to the fact I recorded my reacts with just a voice recorder, I don’t know what was happening but all I said was: Oh Jack... no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

“Take me.” - Cas

What?? Excuse me?? Um... no.

More ‘no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no’-ing.

“I accept.” - Cas

Fuck. Cas. Not a good deal.

So... more secrets... yeah, that’s gonna go down well.

Oh my God, he’s back!!

Lily is gonna die.

Called it.

I wonder if that got her into Heaven... I kinda really hope it did.

It did!! :DThe way Cas is lookin’ around while talking to Naomi... it’s like he’s not sure if she’s her or the Empty xD

“Is, uh, something wrong?“ - Jack

*chuckles* he’s so cute!! I would be all up there, kissin’ his face, being so grateful to have him back!! :)

[sinditia]

Supernatural 14x02 Gods and Monsters

Okay now I feel kinda bad that I spent all day yesterday roasting the shit out of Bucklemming on twitter.  That was actually a really, really good episode!  Colour me incredibly surprised.

Of course there were some minor inconsistencies, but like a standard amount for Supernatural, and it didn’t require too much mental gymnastics to brush it off.  

Like for starters, Apparently archangels can taste things like the notes of vanilla in a cognar or whatever and not just have them taste like molecules?  Maybe it works differently for angels and archangels? Or maybe Cas was just being extra like he usually is.

Also, I would have thought Cas would have also seen Lucifer’s “true face” since he was once used as a vessel, and also he’s an angel?  I thought angels could see other angels’ true faces.  (But then again, just last week it was established that apparently Cas couldn’t see demonic faces either, so whatever, I guess.  And no, I don’t buy that Cas actually could see them but “didn’t care because he was so bent on finding Dean”.  It’s cool if people interpret it that way, but I highly doubt they put that much thought into it.)  I just find it strange that Cas would be so shallow as to perceive purely physical appearance as a really important thing.  Or maybe my interpretation of Cas is just wrong.

If one wants to speculate, maybe what Cas feels is that innate Lucifer-ness within Nick.  Maybe there’s evil in him that’s not necessarily Lucifer, but a dark energy that is incredibly similar to Lucifer that it makes Cas recoil.  

Nick’s appearance in last week’s episode was generally not received well.  I didn’t think it was necessary either.  I tried giving them the benefit of the doubt for this decision, maybe it’s some storytelling parallel to give us a glimpse of what will happen to Dean after being taken for a ride by an archangel.  Now that we’re exploring a bit of Nick’s back story in this episode, I’m starting to find it a little more interesting.  He’s remarkably similar to Lucifer in mannerisms, and I don’t know, at some point it almost felt a little meta.  Everyone in the show was saying how they couldn’t treat Nick as a person because they can only see Lucifer, and honestly?  Fucking same.  As an audience, I couldn’t not see Lucifer either, and I’m not sure whether that’s intentional or not.

However, all of this is just a distracting, passing interest.  Okay, so it’s kinda interesting to know that Lucifer chose an evil, cold-blooded child-killer as his vesel, someone who embodies him so closely. But like … so what?  How does this fit in with the big picture?  What is the purpose of this character from a storytelling standpoint?  Some article (I forget where) hinted that Michael!Dean isn’t the main villain and that there’ll be some kind of twist or whatever.  Is this the twist?  Something to do with Nick/possibly-Lucifer?  I wanna see what they decide to do with this storyline before roasting them for it.

One good thing that came out of Nick’s presence in this episode: his scenes with Cas.  Honestly, I’d go so far as to say that this is a Cas-centric episode.  Like, let’s just ignore for a second how bad he is at babysitting when both Nick AND Jack, two powerless humans, snuck out on his watch.  His conversation with Jack was everything I wanted as a Cas-fan.  It addressed the issues he had when he fell, then demonstrating, through his advice for Jack, how much he has learned and grown from that experience.  He seems to be in a much better headspace now and I’m sorry I can’t be unbiased, but it makes me very happy as a Cas-fan.

While Cas’s conversation with Jack showcased the pride he has over his accomplishments, his conversation with Nick, in contrast, showed us his regrets.  I’m very happy that we got to see Cas explicitly express how he feels about the Novak family.  I’ve always had speculations about it, but it was really nice to hear him say something about it, even if it’s to someone like Nick.  

And what about Misha’s acting though.  Holy shit, I think that’s some of the finest acting he’s done so far on the show.  Of course it helps that he got a lot of screentime and scenes of substantial length.  It goes to show that only good things will come out of giving Cas more things to do (and to have him actually be written well (and I can’t believe I’m actually saying that about a Bucklemming episode, but here I am)).  

Jack’s thing with his grandparents was really heartbreaking.  It was a great scene, well-performed by everyone involved, and well-written as well.  I’m just not sure I understand why it was necessary exactly, perhaps someone can enlighten me.  Jack seems to still be struggling about his identity and trying to find answers in his lineage.  I’m not sure if this has anything to do with his current struggle about being powerless, or maybe they just want to show us he has a lot on his plate right now.  And also, right after he came back, he started showing the really harsh stance he has regarding Michael!Dean.  I’m just trying to figure out if there’s a connection between all these things.  I’m not sure what they’re trying to say about where Jack’s head is at.

Speaking of unclear motivations, I still don’t know why Michael is doing what he’s doing.  I mean, I get what he’s doing, he wants to elevate the creatures he deems as having “pure” motivations.  What I don’t get is WHY.  To what end?  What’s in it for him?  

To his credit, Michael!Dean seems pretty smart.  Maybe it’s my low standards for a Supernatural plot, but I thought his plan for the trap was pretty robust.  I mean, Michael’s definitely not gone.  Dean’s a fucking Trojan horse and the gang is probably just prideful enough to let him in. The trailer for the next episode doesn’t give too much away, but if I were them, I’d keep him quarantined, do a string of tests, like make him step over a circle of holy fire or something. Seems like Cas is gonna give him a scalp-massage/brain-probe so, we’ll see what happens there.

So yeah, honestly?  I loved this episode.  I am very confused about this.  It does not align with my worldview that Bucklemming are terrible writers.  What the fuck happened?  Where the hell has this been all this time?  Oh Lord Chuck I pray that this wasn’t a fluke and they continue to write like this, please please pretty please.  

And Rich did a stellar job directing as always.  Is it weird that I can see his work even in the first few shots.  There’s just something refreshing about the way he does it. My favourite was the tilt in the framing right when Jack and Cas started to fight.  It was like a really, wonderfully subtle version of what Catherine Hardwicke did in Thirteen.  And was it just me, or were the colours kinda desaturated a little bit?  I liked it.  Is a director in charge of the music as well?  Because I really liked the way they did the music editing for this ep too.

Seriously, all around solid episode.  I am very pleasantly surprised.

[redheadshenanigans]

Locked in - A Destiel Season 14 moment.

Dean is still hosting Micheal, Cas and Jack want to speak to him but there is a price Micheal asks for their request. Secrets will out but will Dean be whole by the end?

Rating: Serious angst, be prepared to be tormented /some swearing/kissing Word Count: 3317 Relationship: Castiel/Dean Winchester Characters: Castiel, Dean, Jack, Michael

Dean had been pacing around in his skull for weeks. It was exhausting.

At first, he'd fought and struggled but now he spent most of his time in here.

Watching Michael 'experience' life was, well boring. Sometimes it was disturbing, shuddering, he flashed back to the loofah incident. So, they'd come to an agreement, and he had retreated to a mental version of the bunker. Dean would hang out here, at the moment it was the kitchen. Michael didn't bother him. Dean was still Dean, so he still went rooting for weakness in the angels' form but so far, no luck.

Today was like any other, Dean hadn't slept and that was since being body snatched. Yes, he chastised himself you volunteered. To fill the time, he'd taken to speaking to versions of Sam, Cas and Bobby in his mind and it kept him sane. Which he was sure was relative at the point.

Cas's voice was a whisper at first. Dean thought he'd imagined it, heart racing when he realised that Cas was there with Michael. Panic consumed him. The path to the archangel's eyes, his eyes was like a spiral staircase. He bolted, moving faster than he had in weeks. Dean filtered back into his body and hated the feeling. It was like squeezing into clothes that were already filled. He couldn't speak through his mouth, couldn't move his body, and couldn't yell. He couldn't scream at the Angel to get outta dodge before Michael tore him a new hole.

He was, helpless and there was nothing worse for Dean, nothing.

Dean observed the scene before him. Cas and Jack were standing there in the motel room, negotiating with Michael. Dean did the only thing he could; he watched and begged Michael not to hurt them.

"I warn you, Jack has regained his grace and we are not defenceless," Cas said, it was a threat.

Jack stood there scowling, his eyes brighter than usual which meant he was close to the edge. Those deep and soulful eyes shone like the sun was igniting behind them.

"Where is the other one?" Michael asked, "Samuel?"

"That is none of your concern," Cas replied with a hard sneer.

"Very well. What exactly do you want?" the archangel asked.

"We want Dean back."

It was like a slap to them when Michael laughed in response, dry and sarcastic. They expected it but still...

"Well that will happen, how do they say here, ah yes...Over my dead body." He smiled, twisted, an awful thing that drained the colour from Cas's face. Dean didn't know Cas could go that shade of white.

"But, if you insist..."

Dean felt Michaels grace shift but nothing else.

"No, stop," Jack yelled as Cas stood there looking ill, frozen.

Dean could see blood and was certain it was his, what had Michael done to him? He couldn't feel a thing which meant it was all for show, yet Dean screamed in anger anyway.

"Do you know how loud Dean Winchester is screaming inside his own mind?" Michael taunted the men but looked bored.

"Shut up" Cas breathed out between gritted teeth.

"Do you know what he thinks about in the deep dark recesses of his mind?"

The archangel moved towards Cas.

"Stop." Said Jack, "That's close enough."

"I won't harm him Nephilim, not any of you"

"Why?" Cas asked, confused.

"Because brother; Dean and I made a deal. He is pliant and I leave you three and whoever else he puts on his little list, alone. Dean makes the vessel strong, and so I placate him by letting you, people, be. I don't like the buzzing he makes when he's upset, it's, for lack of a better word, annoying."  The Archangel was elegant yet menacing. The pressed suit was perfect and fit Dean's frame like a glove.

Cas and Jack exchanged a look and they relaxed but only a fraction.

Dean was pacing behind his own eyes, what the hell was Michael doing?

Michael moved closer to Cas. He was inches away from the angel now and Dean flinched, not trusting Michaels intentions one bit.

"Castiel, I know why you're here," Michael spoke as he pulled away. The casual pacing around the room was a disarming technique. Michael wanted to talk and that was dangerous.

"I just told you why." Cas's growled out, the sarcasm ignored by the Archangel.

"No, you told me what you wanted, which I am willing to give you- fleetingly of course." Dean could see the hope in Cas's face.

“No”, he screamed, knowing it was a trap. Whatever the price was it'd be too high.

"Let's say, three minutes." Michael picked up one of Sam's knives and played with it like it was a toy.

"I'll give you three minutes to speak to Dean."

"Why would you do that?" Jack asked because Cas seemed to be in shock.

"I want you to listen to what I have to say first."

"How do we know you'll keep your word," Cas asked.

"I can bind it," Jack said out of the blue, confusion filtering over his face.

"How?"

"I don't know, I just know I can."

"Fine, I will allow it one condition, that you hear me out. I ask that you don't interrupt until I'm done and only then will I release Dean to speak to you."

Cas stretched his palm out and Dean saw Michael do the same.

Jack placed his hands over theirs, the glow that came was pure and white. Both angels turned away as Jack whispered,

“As agreed, and so it must be or death will reap the defalcator.”

Dean felt a shudder in the angel's grace, whatever Jack had done was solid, permanent.

His heart pounded at the realisation that he was going to be able to speak. But what price would they pay for his moment of freedom?

Dean knew Michael; he wasn't like the other monsters they'd fought. The cunning was in his truth. He would pick at their emotions until they were raw and then he'd keep on going.

Michael, cleared his throat, "May I begin?"

Cas nodded, rigid, waiting for the betrayal but it never came.

"I will ask again. Castiel, how well do you know Dean?"

"I don't see what this has to..."

"Please, as part of our agreement, humour me?"

"He's family," Cas replied looking sad.

"Do you know what Dean thinks about in this tiny little mind of his?"

Hey, thought Dean, you wanna live inside me you asshole.

Dean felt Michael’s grin, like a shadow in his mind and heard his voice as it echoed, 'just wait Dean, just you wait'

Not good, Dean thought.

"Pie and whiskey?" Sarcasm leached from Cas as he answered, Dean was kinda proud.

Michael laughed, "Oh poor Castiel, how wrong you are." Picking imaginary lint from his coat, "Dean, shall we tell Castiel a few, truths?"

Dean went cold, oh god, this was not happening. He watched from behind his eyes as if from a balcony, arms crossed and terrified.

"Do you know much about humans? Because I know much," he sounded proud, "I know what hurts them, what heals them, what drives their tiny little lives."

Taking a forced deep breath he continued, "It's actually a hobby of mine. I got bored with the confusion of their constant hypocrisy and decided to study them. Father loved them so much and I wanted to see what he saw."

Cas shifted on his feet, not sure where this was going but certain he wasn't going to like it.

"There are a few things that drive them; the first are their base desires. Food, lust...you get my meaning. The rest is complex. It's actually somewhat interesting. Father did well in creating these endless puzzles for us to play with, sadly it's lost on most of my siblings."

"They're not..."

"Don't interrupt me Castiel," Michael added, his tone was light, bored and it was terrifying.

Michael's hands played with a book as he said, "Secrets...Secrets are the keys to the human soul. They push them, drive them and they also destroy them."

"Secrets?" Jack asked, intrigued. Cas glared at him, and Jack frowned, chastised.

"Yes. The best way to understand these things is through their secrets. Let's take Dean, for example. Dean Winchester, raised a hunter, by a father obsessed with a dead wife."

Dean was shaking inside his head, enraged.

"Do you know what John Winchester did to his eldest son? What all that aggression and need did to Dean's confined human psyche?" Michael changed books.  

"It caused a conflict. It caused what the humans call 'emotional damage'. Dean was kind, caring and full of love but his father twisted it into something fractured. Something mutated, something that would never work in the real world. He damned his eldest son to the eternal torment of the worst kind. The loveless kind. Walls to high for anyone to climb over and if they did, well there were pits full of demons waiting."

He paced, flicking at the pages of the book as Dean seethed inside his own mind.

"Dean could have been a lot of things but his parent's actions broke him of any other desire. He can't love people that aren't family because they can choose to leave him. Though before they can do so, he always finds a reason to leave them. Had you noticed? "

"He's a hunter..." Cas added, knowing that's what Michael wanted.

"Yes, and a good one, I've spent a lot of time with him Castiel and I can appreciate Dean's talents."

The pauses were annoying, it was posturing but he was in no rush.

"...but the hunt is an excuse." Michael waved a flippant hand and started again. "Dean can't settle with someone weak or with someone that needs protecting. He's always been the protector and deep down he hates it. Ultimately that role...well, it always leaves him- shall we say, dissatisfied. Maybe irritated? No stressed...well you can take your pick." He emphasised the K with a click.

Dropping the book he raised a pamphlet for a theme park and examined it.

"...and he can't be with a hunter because, well they remind him of mommy."

Cas looked confused and Dean went still.

"So Castiel, what is a boy to do?"

Cas stayed quiet.

Dean, confused as all hell didn't know what to think. He felt nauseous, nothing the archangel had said was a lie. Sadly, he did feel that way...shit he was so fucked up.

"Dean loves his family." Cas's words were soft, strained.

"Yes, Dean adores his family. He would kill for them, die for them...he's in here right now begging for you to leave so that he can keep you safe."

Cas took a deep and shuddering breath and Dean realised he had been, this whole time. Whispering it like a mantra, over and over. 'Don't hurt them.'

"But, I wonder...and I'm just theorising here..." Michael turned his fingers, pinching the bridge of his nose. "Do you understand why Dean has never settled down?"

"You said, didn't you? Is that what you want? I know Dean won't give up hunting to be happy because he's not selfish, he's brave and kind..."

"You're not wrong Castiel." Michael interrupted him and Cas looked shocked again. "What I want you to see is the reason, why..."

"I don't understand..."

"Are you really that ignorant?" the Archangel posed.

Cas didn't know what to say.

"If Dean can't love someone, what’s the word he uses- ah yes, a 'civilian'? If he can't love someone who is not a hunter because they may leave, they may die, may get hurt..."

He paused to gauge Cas's reaction.

"And, if he can't be with a hunter because of his mommy issues...and the only people in his life that are strong, loving and capable around him are related to him biologically..."

"Sam and Mary..." Cas added.

"Yes. Who can Dean love? Who can Dean trust to be there, always? Maybe love in a way that is not appropriate for family members?" Michael pondered. "Knowing the human psyche Castiel...knowing that they reach for love like a lifeline. Do you think Dean would ever be whole without a partner? Someone to love as an equal? He has such a huge capacity for it...doesn't he?"

Dean was panting now, pacing in his own mind. The shaking was starting. The helplessness, rage and denial were all brewing inside him.

Cas nodded again.

“Please, Michael, please don't do this" Dean begged, he knew where this was going now... this would destroy his world.

At that moment, Dean understood that is what he wanted. To alienate Deans people, his friends, his family.

"Dean has a secret Castiel. Dean's secret is so large, so hidden that I had to ferret it out from the most repressed place. The most repressed I've ever seen in a human psyche." Michael laughed, "He has been pushed so far into the archetype. He's been moulded so much by his father. By their trips to diners, and bars."

The disdain in Michaels tone was audible.

"Then also by human television and culture which left its own mark. The expectation of being a 'man' and a hunter, the pressure from his father, it made him who he is. But he had to find a way around it all, he was desperate. Dean has found a way to love and without having to really think about it, it's ingenious actually.  Dean has found a way to be in love with someone that avoids all of his human issues...

Michael looked at Cas, Dean was on his knees now inside his head, slow tears streaming down his face. He was trembling with panic.

"Dean loves something and that something is hard to kill, something that he...reveres."

Every time Michael said 'love' Cas flinched like he was being slashed by a blade. Cas didn't understand, why didn't Dean mentioned this person?

"He respects powerful things, he’s... relieved by durability. He adores his work but what he loves more is people who understand how much he needs his work, to feel whole, to feel safe. He wants people, a person, who can keep Samuel safe. He loves a great many things...but Dean has needs. Dean wants... things."

Michael looked out of the window.

"Do you know what Dean wants Castiel, more than any of those other things? What he desires more than cheeseburgers, more than sex? More than his brother, more than anything really?"

Cas shook his head lowering it to his chest, riveted now even as he abhorred it.

"Dean's longing...his vast overwhelming need is to be... taken care of. "

Cas's head snapped up in surprise. If there was on one thing he was expecting, that wasn't it. Dean was always the carer, the general and he wanted to be cared for? "Dean wants someone to look after him Castiel. Someone to love him without asking anything in return. He wants them to give without needing anything in return. Dean wants' someone who will fight for him, endlessly. When he despairs, for someone to hold him and reassure him. Someone to worship him, to crave him. Not superficially...but in the way of two bonded souls. Just one person who is his, that's all."

Dean broke a little more and curled up in a ball. The wracking sobs made it hard to breathe. It was like someone cracking open his core and bearing it to the world, worse, to Castiel.

Cas was shaking, he was so angry that Dean's innermost thoughts were being exposed. He knew his friend would hate this.

"Dean could only ever love something... other. His mother, unbeknownst to her, had a mild gift of prophecy.”

Dean looked up at that, confused.

“The thing that Dean would love, the only thing that could love him the way he needed? A love that would be unconditional."

Michael paused, thoughtful. "...and what do human know of unconditional love? Petty, short-lived apes that they are..."

He stared at Cas and flicked his hand again casually.

"I digress, do you remember Castiel, what Dean's mother used to say to him before bed, every single night?"

Cas choked, his mouth going dry as he found the words, "Angels are watching over you."

"Do you know what Dean's secret is Castiel?"

"No..." Cas whispered, denial filling his tone.

"Dean is in love with something that is not and never has been human. Is it ingenious isn't it? Such a splendid solution, a very inhuman solution and so ironic for a hunter." Michael rubbed his finger in some dust as he met Castiel's eyes.

"Dean is in love with...you."

If angels could hyperventilate, Cas was sure this is what it felt like.

"You're wrong." Cas spat.

"Don't do that Castiel, you know I loathe lies." It was calm and controlled, "and you love him. You have since you ripped his soul from hell. Does he know that? Let me check...no. Oh, joy. Dean, are you listening?"

Michael seemed to be genuinely enjoying this moment.

"Castiel fought several hundred Demons to get to you, not the one or two he implied. He created a wall inside your mind that protected you from your memories until you could handle them. He killed and came out bloody and injured for you. And the best part Dean. The best part was that as his hands, his pure celestial being touched your bare soul. Castiel was lost, he had no other choice but to love you. He saw all of you, as broken and battered as you were and now he needs you as much as you need him."

Dean looked up at that and saw the truth in Cas’s face. Dean's world narrowed to the angel in front of him. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. His eyes fluttered closed as he took a deep heartwrenching breath. How was he supposed to speak to Cas now?

Castiel was in shock, or as close as angels could be. Had he known that what he felt was love? Maybe? How was he supposed to even look at Dean now?

"Now, my story has reached its conclusion and I only want one more thing before I hold up my end of this...deal."

Cas wiped's a single tear from his face.

A ragged, "What?" escaped Cas' lips.

"A kiss..."

"A...a kiss?" Cas felt wounded as he looked into Dean's deep green eyes.

"Just one, with feeling and then I'll let Dean out...although he's a little, shaky right now."

Michael sounded jubilant and it turned Cas' stomach.

"You want to kiss me?" Cas was having difficulty with the concept.

Dean moaned to Michael, "Please don't do this." The archangel ignored him.

"Just one." Michael moved into Cas's personal space and Dean saw his hand rising to his angel’s cheek and shuddered.

Cas nodded.

"Like you mean it Castiel." He added with a touch of force and Cas nodded again.

Then Michael did something so heartbreaking, Dean felt parts of his soul splinter. The feeling in his body returned, but not the control and then he kissed Cas. The move was slow but hard and the feel of Cas' lips on his was like heaven. Dean’s lip fell between Cas’ and he sucked it lightly opening Cas's mouth with his tongue. Smashing them together like a wave. Dean's hand rose to match the other and he gripped the shorter man's face. His whole body trembled with the feeling. Cas kissed him back with a need and skill that Dean had never expected. It consumed him, consumed them both. The kiss broke, it was sudden, sharp and then Michael appeared next to Dean in his mind.

The angel, a mirror image, smirked and said, "You have three minutes."

-fin-

[orionsangel86]

So. 13x02. Was it just me or did that scene where Dean fights the demon in the hotel room for a while until Sam runs in and saves him just feel kinda rapey? Dean seemed really shook too. That demon was hella aggressive and inappropriate - more than usual for trying to kill a guy on this show. And the fight choreography - jeez. What was that about? Can I count this as the must-have-but-no-one-wants Bucklemming questionable consent moment / rape moment? What did I just witness? My poor Dean. WTH?

So yes this scene stood out to me for a lot of reasons, but I don’t actually see it as a negative moment nor equate it with Bucklemmings standard moments of dubious consent (that honour went to Mary and the rapey hunter dude - thanks Bucklemming).

I was gonna write about this in my review. My review which remains in draft form as I write this because I cannot focus long enough to sort out everything I wanna say. *sobs at own inadequacy*

So yes this scene. So you may not have heard but SPN has a new stunt and fight co-ordinator for season 13. So the fight scenes so far have indeed seemed more brutal than previously. Personally I think they have all been awesome. But this one does indeed stand out, and you are right that it seems kinda rapey. Why is that? 

Remember when we talked about 12x11 and Dean’s infamous ride on Larry? How the whole thing was framed to be sexual – look out for @margarittet meta on this scene compared to the movie Urban Cowboy for more info because it is eye opening.

Something SPN does extremely well is utilise standard filming techniques for the ‘male gaze’ but focused on Dean. Dean is quite regularly now framed in a way that would usually be used for a sexy female and it is so very interesting to me that they do this. It is extremely rare for mainstream film and TV to use these filming techniques on male actors. But Dean constantly gets the female treatment. There is an excellent slightly NSFW meta post going around about how Dean is always the character who gets holy water ‘facials’ and the sexual implications of filming said ‘facials’ in a certain way. Note how Dean is also always the character filmed shoving things into his mouth. These filming techniques are never used on Sam. 

Back to this fight scene, and the same techniques are used here. This fight scene was difficult to watch because it was incredibly suggestive, and sexualised. This gigantic beast of a male demon throws Dean down, gets him on the table with his legs up in the air and spread out, then proceeds to pick him up so his face is basically in Dean’s groin, to throw him down on the bed. At which point Dean cowers whilst Sam stabs him through the back.

The moment on the table is bad enough. He is literally lying there with his legs spread while this guy goes at him.and bends forward over him - effectively forcing Dean’s legs up and back like that common position you see in porn where you wonder how often those dudes have to stretch out their hamstrings cos jeez… at least we now know Jensen’s range of flexibility >_>

Then look at this:

I beg anyone to find me a scene in any action movie where this same choreography has been used for the male hero before. I would be very interested in watching it. You know where it HAS been used though?

Here.

In fact in the majority of black widow fights, she ends up with her legs wrapped around the enemy. Interesting right?

However when women use this type of fight style, the character usually has the upper hand. This is because women tend to be stronger in their legs and thighs than their arms. Men however have all sorts of sensitive dangly bits that makes this position extremely uncomfortable and vulnerable for them, so its just not ever done. Its still always framed as sexual though. Women fight this way because it appeals to the male gaze. “Ooh I’d like her to wrap her legs around me like that *wink wink nudge nudge*”.

Ignoring the glaringly obvious sexual undertones of the scene for a moment though, I have to ask why the new stunt coordinator would choose to put Dean in this position at all? Especially when it is then followed by this shot:

Dean, thrown on the bed, pushing himself back and away from his attacker, until Sam turns up at the last minute and saves the day.

Dean is extremely vulnerable throughout the entire fight. He’s not on form at all. This entire fight is showing just how off his game Dean is right now. He’s at rock bottom with his grief weighing on him heavily. Hence the demon gets the upper hand practically straight away. The fight appears sexualised and rapey because it is supposed to be that way. We are supposed to feel uncomfortable watching this scene and it is supposed to signify just how wrong Dean is at the moment. His grief has really wrecked him.

This isn’t the first time we have had shots of Dean in precarious positions however:

So it isn’t a new thing at all. This shot was from 10x18, when Dean was slowly succumbing to the Mark of Cain and was also in a vulnerable position. Another gigantic beast of a man comes towards him and it took something like 8 shots to the chest to take him down. There was genuine fear on Dean’s face in this scene. Dean got the upper hand eventually but the entire scene was framed with an air of discomfort for the audience. Especially since Mr Jacob Stein was leering at him in an overtly sexual manner the entire time his beastly accomplice had Dean pinned.

Two scenes reeking of sexual undertones, both where Dean is put on his back with his legs spread. Its supposed to feel rapey, its supposed to make him vulnerable. Both the 10x18 scene and the 13x02 scene are during times when Dean is travelling down a very dark path towards his own destruction. Whether through the Mark, or through his own heavy hearted grief. 

So there are two reasons why Dean was put in this position. The main reason being to express vulnerability. 

The other reason is to sexualise him and to suggest to the audience just how easily Dean fits into a certain type of sexual role. Of course with the first reason being dominant here the audience is left uneasy and wondering what on earth just happened. But Dean being sexualised and objectified is a pretty constant theme throughout the show. Especially by men and for men. Its part of his bisexual coding. It’s something we never see with Sam - or Cas for that matter. 

Or maybe they just thought spreading Dean’s legs for a huge beast of a man on camera for a second would go down well with fandom. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

[archived8253]

Voicemail

Dean/Cas; post s12 finale, angst, 1K, G. Canon character death. Read on AO3.

Dean develops a brand new coping mechanism.

It’s not like Sam says “you should keep busy” out loud. But his long, lingering, puppy-dog looks and the bunch of cases piled up on Dean’s table pretty much say everything for him already. Print-outs, cut-outs, scattered letters that used to make sense at some point. Two people torn to shreds here, a person drained of all their blood there, evil going bump in the night.

The times when Dean can’t stop thinking about the people that the vics inevitably left behind are the worst.

Sam pushes his laptop across the kitchen table as Dean stares down his eggs ‘n bacon. “Check it out,” he says softly, like if he talks too loudly, Dean’s gonna shake apart. “Looks like a werewolf gone rogue down in Idaho.”

Dean nods. Cool.

“Can you dial that lady, uh, what’s her name…” Sam trails away, scrunching up his forehead in thought. Dean pushes a stubborn piece of bacon around the plate, once, twice, there and back again. “Christy? She hunts up there, maybe she’s already on top it.”

“Sure.” Sam just wants him busy and talking to people, but he doesn’t say it, because the Winchesters don’t talk about things. Well, that, and what use is it saying that when they both know what’s going on? ‘Sides, Sam also needs something to cling to. It’s not like Dean’s oblivious here. He would’ve been there for Sam if it wasn’t for the heavy lingering feeling that makes everything move twice as slow and ten times as far away.

Sam’s still looking at him like Dean’s a particularly unruly puppy he’s training with oodles of patience, and Dean unlocks his phone.

The line trills and trills, on and on, and just as Dean’s about to hang up, it crackles and sends him to voicemail.

“This is my voicemail. Make your voice a mail.” A beep.

Dean couldn’t hang up faster.

“What happened?” Sam looks up from his plate, eternal crease still lodged in between his eyebrows.

“Wrong number,” Dean says. Cas’ gruff voice still echoes in his ears.

“I see."

Dean checks his phone. Looks like his finger slipped and he accidentally dialed the number next to it that he didn’t have the heart to delete.

He decides right there not to call the number ever again.

It only takes a heavy case and a few bottles of booze for Dean to drunk-dial.

"This is my voicemail," Cas’s voice softly croons like a lullaby. Almost like he’s right there, frowning over an obscure reference like he’s contemplating a chess move, almost like he’s close enough to swing your arm over his shoulder and muss up his hair. "Make your voice a mail."

“Hey,” Dean starts, slurry-drunk. “Uh, you won’t get this. This is dumb. But, uh, I saw a chick in a trenchcoat today and…” And she was hot, actually -- but the only thing Dean could zero to was her outfit. It wasn’t even a similar trenchcoat. Didn’t hang off her shoulders like it didn’t fit her right or anything.

And yet.

“Yeah. She had a dog with her. One of these ridiculous tiny teacup-sized things. You know how I feel about ‘em. I mean, if you gotta own a dog, it better be a serious…” He shakes his head. “A real mutt. Sam got excited anyway. I swear, show this guy any dog… woulda started wagging his own tail if he had one.”

Dean rubs his forehead.

“You would've liked that dog too, I guess. You like every animal you see. Big or small. Even the ugly-ass bald cats. And, I mean... I guess that dog was kinda cute. If you’re into Terriers at all.”

The phone beeps to announce Dean’s gone over the rambling limit, pedal to the metal. He doesn’t call back. Not immediately, anyway.

A few days later, he sees an artisanal hipster burger joint that Cas would’ve absolutely gotten excited over. Calling and telling him about soothes the sting a little.

A case that involves murder bees. Cas needs to hear about that.

Dean calls again. And again. Sneaks away in between the interviewing witnesses and calls while Sam walks off to get them food, leaving him alone in the car with the phone clutched in his hands like a lifeline.

Eventually, Dean’s little voicemail addiction gets nipped in the bud with a “The mailbox is full and cannot accept messages at this time. Goodbye”. He stands still in the middle of his bedroom like he’s never been there before, and stares at his useless phone for a beat, wide-eyed and white-knuckled.

The phone flies into the wall but doesn’t even smash. Gets a cobweb of cracks along the screen, but still glows, like everything is fine and dandy.

“What’s going on?” Sam walks in, rubbing his eye, all drowsy and whatnot. The part of Dean that isn’t busy weathering the storm of all the grief he postponed until later feels bad over waking Sam up like that.

“Nothing. Go sleep,” Dean throws over his shoulder.

Sam sighs, world-weary, I-am-tired-of-your-bullshit-Dean obvious in the way he shifts from foot to foot. “You just decided you were overdue for a new phone,” he says, teasing braided with concern in an especially annoying voice lilt. Or maybe Dean just finds everything annoying right now.

Dean can’t come up with a lie on the spot like that under Sam’s heavy gaze, a light shone into Dean’s eyes in an interrogation room. Doesn’t wanna up and shove Sam out of his room, either. The world’s a little heavy to carry all by himself. And maybe he chose to collapse over letting someone else hold him up for a goddamn second one too many times. He’s gettin’ way too old for an extra date with the cold hard ground.

“I’ve been calling Cas,” Dean shrugs, nonchalantly, yanno, who doesn’t call their dead best friend over and over and leave pathetically mundane voicemails about honey and good beer and Zeppelin songs that come up on the radio? “And, uh— the mailbox ran out of space. ‘S all.”

Sam’s face contorts in every stage of grief ran through his eyes on high-speed. His lips quiver like ripples on the water.

“Oh,” he says, disarmed, and puts on that soft look, that look he puts on for traumatized kids, injured tiny animals, and big brothers who are messed up to hell and back.

“Don’t.” Dean shakes his head. “Just… just don’t.” The phone lies at his feet like a miniature gravestone. A Terrier of gravestones.

Cas woulda loved that dumb dog. His whole freaking face would light up. Dean hopes there are animals out there, wherever it is angels go after.

“I know you lost him too,” Dean finally says. “I don't wanna dump all my crap on you, man. I’ll be fine. One day at a time.”

Sam sighs and picks the phone up. “I’ll fix this.”

“The screen? I got it.”

“Nah. I’ve hacked into the phone company before,” Sam says, easy. “Maybe they made a mistake and accidentally gave this number a bigger mailbox. Could happen to anyone. A couple misplaced ones and zeroes…”

Sometimes, as much as Dean hates to admit it, his little brother goes right from annoying to awesome.

“Thanks,” Dean says, and to his pride, he doesn’t even sound too choked up. Maybe just a little. He takes the phone out of Sam’s fingers.

“I miss you here, man,” Dean says in his next voicemail, like an admission of guilt.

He doesn’t say anything else, but that’s already more than the Winchesters say, ever. They understand each other without words.

The look that Sam gives him is the look he saves for grieving widows.

[elizabethrobertajones]

13x01 Watching Notes

The common pronunciation around these parts for “Nougat” is "Nugget" FYI

There's a secondary mission here to find out WHY DID DABB TWEET "BUTT SHAKE"?

Expectations: I'd say a good 95% new plot action nonsense to 5% mourning and we've seen all of it in fragments because they're spoiling the good stuff to lure us in; we're doing well as a season if Asmodeus isn't horrifically hammy and looks like he'll be able to carry all the Buckleming episodes they'll surely shove him in, and Jack is either not a pillock or is clearly *supposed* to be a pillock and the writing reassures us of that, although I did start to warm up to him in those tiny glimpses of promo stuff so we might be good there.

Aside from that I'm so superbly chill about this season (not worried about Cas, assuming Mary needs to get back as well, I'm just going on trust that Michael is well cast based on the actor's fanbase after scrolling his twitter the other day and the fact he seems cool in the promo stuff in a way that does not make me nervous unlike the other 2 new characters, and like no preconceptions about what I need this season to be) that I've actually achieved what scientists may have thought was unpossible... I made it through an entire hiatus embedded in the heart of a wanky fandom and I don't really have strong opinions or needs for about what's to come :P

FUCK ME UP, DABB.

-

OH THE TITLE CARD IS GOING TO BE GOOD THIS YEAR

I say after just seeing "the road so far" because that looks classic. I can't remember which other season it most looks like because I'm way too hype but it looks good.

Gah I have the Worst Song Comprehension in the entire world WHAT IS THIS? There's just a montage of TFW hugs of various types going on and

"I never opened myself this way" and Dean in 12x22 opening up Mary and then the FREAKING GRENADE LAUNCHER MOMENT okay so the recap definitely is telling us the meta theme of season 12 in case we missed is so we're all on the same footing for season 13. This family loves each other a lot and we're busting down walls.

I watched the rest of the "road so far" then said out loud, "No. NO." as it wound up nursery first, because "no" are they not even going to show - OH SHIT IT'S THE SAME VIDEO AS THE ONE IN THE SUMMER. NO. We're ending this thing on dead Cas and Dean.

If this is how they mean to play it, I think I wanna take back that "fuck me up Dabb" from the previous point.

-

OH NO  I got tagged in a post like this last week about the bit in 8x19 where Sam goes into Hell and there's the woman there in one of the cages who is like "we've been waiting so long! You finally came!" and like... did I think she meant she was mistaking Sam for Lucifer, and I always think YES that is a GREAT reading for that scene and fuuuuuuck me I should have reblogged that post and gone looking for links to some of the other cool posts about that because that's like one of the small redeeming things about 8x19 to me, because that is just such a good creepy amazing Sam thing and also I am still so freakin bitter that Lucifer was Nick in the cage because he should have looked like Sam and 11x09 and 11x10 should have been Sam v Lucifer!Sam moments because where the FUCK did Nick come from...

Anyway you can probably guess exactly how far I've got into this episode aka 1 entire one word line but it's already completely fucked me up.

If you all don't remember my season 12 experience, yes I am the biggest Destiel shipper on the planet but I actually get super hype for good Sam plot stuff and I dug every moment of the season 12 Sam stuff about his powers and everything and this is a confrontation that *I* personally think was built up and due because of the evolving way it's going - they confronted his past, the parts he had no control over happening to him in season 12, and I surmised that season 13 ought to be about the parts that WERE in his control, and Sam coming to terms with some other old mytharc stuff that happened to him, the way he managed to fuck up the world on a cosmic scale that Jack will have to come to relate to and he can use to guide Jack...

So yeah, this is not the first time this has happened to Sam, but this is definitely the much much better, more potent way it's happened and I am DELIGHTED and we're 1 word into the season :D

-

*Dean stares at Cas* *stares at Cas* *stares at Cas* Yep I need to go shoot something.

-

YEAH GIANT FLOATING EYEBALL TITLE CARD I KNEW IT.

-

Sauron is the big bad, but where is the one ring.

-

More seriously fuck yeah that gives complete continuity between my watching notes from 12x23 to this one because I am pretty sure I stopped them (aside from final whimpering notes to wrap up) thinking about Sam and Jack with yellow eyes and how this all looped back to the start. And how that was the key visual imagery, the way that Jack had yellow eyes and Sam's whole legacy of that stuff - things I've been screaming about since 12x12 and how it all came back into the story. I mean the scream I made in 12x12 when Ramiel flashed his eyes is a noise I've sort of low-key been making right until this point and I'm just so delighted about this imagery being given such a central place because it's not JUST Jack's eyes, even though he obviously has the most terrifying yellow fire floating around in his eyeballs, the colour is a motif that takes us right back to the beginning in terms of the story...

-

HECK YEAH MARY -

wait

this isn't a recap going to a Mary scene

LOL SUBTLE DABB

This nursery, as we were saying after season 12 ended, is just *soaked* in the vibes of the original nursery from the show... I kinda think the bad energy in that place would probably have given Dean that nightmare ANYWAY but it's symbolically super relatable to everything that's going on, especially as he's got to deal with re-losing Mary, and Sam's dealing with the massive heap of themes about trauma from the Pilot onwards...

I'm sort of vibing with 6x01 re-doing the burning on the ceiling thing to re-start from the start (8x01 also re-started from the start but borrowed different imagery and also addressed Sam's arc through the Trials stuff hence the 8x19 thing and also him talking about how pure he was in 8x21) - obviously we have been saying this all seems like a season 1 re-do in a weird way, especially taking the Winchesters back to basics (but in an awful way), and I think for Sam, just meeting Jack under those circumstances we ended the season on were enough to loop him back to the start, because baby in nursery and yellow eyes blah blah, but for Dean his trauma in the Pilot was Mary specifically (and 1x01 separated out him and Sam that his trauma was Mary, Sam's was Jess - which 8x01 borrowed for Kevin and his girlfriend, because Kevin was always a Sam mirror and had glowing golden god power eyes when he was activated in 7x21)...

So yeah Dean just got a top up of Mary trauma because the fucking WEATHER around here is pilot mirrors.

-

I would assume also probably maybe that was a semi-magical nightmare but I would not fucking put it past them to just show us Dean having a bunch of nightmares and like 7x05 maybe where he woke up from a dead Cas dream, we get stuff like that to show his absolutely wrecked mental state so I'll hold out hope it was kind of just Dean's imagination tormenting him, because we've only seen his nightmares extremely rarely in the absolute worst situations.

Just as a "the show is about more than sam and dean" stance, fuck the shipping, it needs to be so obvious on screen that Dean is suffering from losing Mary AND Cas in a way where it's obvious the dynamic can not just be Sam and Dean any more.

-

OH NO SEAGULLS

(Uh, I mean, they are by a big lake, but yeah they are a bad bad omen. I think there was meta about them circa 10x14, to give an idea of how bad hearing seagulls is.)

-

Wow Sam and Dean are having a lot of bad sleeps now.

-

"Wait, was that -" "Lucifer's son." look, Sam knows how Jack started his life. That he has the concept of "father". That it's about all he's said and all he's motivated by right now apparently. Sam sounds pretty freaked out and putting a LOT of weight on that concept - not "Kelly's son" or "the nephilim" - the fact Jack was born, and asked about Lucifer, and then walked buck naked out of the room and now we ain't got jack on Jack, like... This is a Lucifer related PROBLEM.

I just say, because I am pretty sure Sam's gonna be defending the kid in a couple of minutes so I need to lay out all the thoughts on what Sam knows and his headspace I possibly can as I go.

-

Oh nooo Cas's truck.

And I tell you what, I wrote a meta after 12x23 about how it was impossible to work out where Cas's truck was parked in the entire final conflict, and there was no fucking WAY the Impala and the truck were within shot of each other. Well guess fucking what. They are easily contained within frame now. I know you could just say minor continuity error but that's not why I'm yelling :P 

I'm yelling because I was writing about how the placement of their vehicles shows their closeness to each other or other metaphorical things (such as the no personal space parking job from 9x10 where Dean then pulled away and left the pimpmobile behind) and aside from the super dusty car, I am pretty sure I am saying that Cas's truck has appeared in visible shot because now it's not getting in the way of the action they can use it to symbolically show that Dean and Cas's vehicles are basically flanking the shot - but also they're so far apart and the house, representing Jack, and Kelly, and how Cas died, is between them.

-

(This meta business is like riding a bike :D)

-

Nakey Jack getting the same walk shot as Amara did.

Amara got it because creepy feet.

He's getting it because penis.

-

Hey there's the pirate place Dean's going to punch.

-

Holy shit I have never laughed so hard at the show in my entire life. I had a coughing fit that's scared the neighbour's dog.

(wait, good laugh - 10x15 still owes me a drink)

Salty Butt Combo sounds good anyway.

(this must be why Dabb said "butt shake", the fucker. The absolute fucker. I am going to kill him.)

-

I'm laughing on a meta level too (I mean, hysterically, out loud, but also meta) because especially in season 8 burgers were connected to humanity and Dean's return from Purgatory, and Dean has a history on the show of eating cheesebutts all the time for various reasons... I mean... This is liiiitterally turning Dean's favourite, metaphorically significant, food into butts.

I mean... do I just... run with it? I mean like... is this the new meta thing? We now have to associate Dean digging into a burger with eating ass? I mean what are you doing Dabb?

I actually have a headache now because I laughed too hard and too loud.

-

Please please tell me Jack comes into this place, accidentally kills these dudes, and leaves a trail of destruction that when their supervisor gets to the store to deal with it, the police are like... trying to deal with the bodies but also cracking up a little and finally she looks up and it's like... HIGH SEAS BUTT COMBO

I mean that's going to make it into the newspapers

-

Oh wait, the inventor of the Buttshake is the guy from the police station that was talking to Jack so he's going to at least make it out of this scene.

-

See, that picture of Jack with pants on was in the PR photos and I was like "naaah" and defended that Jack did not have pants on and people didn't believe - no one understood. I knew this was gonna happen and because I don't lay down too much spec and what good would "Jack wanders around buck naked for like the entire first quarter of the episode" have done anyway so I was just making fun of him for being fully grown and naked in the hope that the fact he was naked was a major character trait because it was one of like 2 we knew about him... Yeah I'm feeling vindicated on a crack spec I can't really prove, especially as I was joking that Sam shames him into manifesting pants but I mean... I knew. Guys, I knew.

This has gone from horror to stoner movie classic in about 2 minutes flat.

-

I fucking love this show.

-

ALL THE CREATIVE WAYS THEY HIDE JACK'S NAKEDNESS THOUGH.

I am gonna make a gifset if I can stop cry-laughing for long enough

-

"Hi baby! .... *How naked*?"

Yep.

-

I mean I think it's adorable that Jack wandered down to the nearest place with more people to make enquiries but this is also wigging me out a bit because I thought that the smart thing to do would be to give him like all the functioning knowledge for this world (I do remember a post going around Tumblr that babies learn like 6x Les Mis amounts of words in the womb) BUT start him from scratch but that it would be super hard to pull off, and essentially they've decided to do exactly what I thought was going to be the most intelligent handling of the situation but not exactly the easiest, and he seems to really have been born with a single motivation and the most basic understanding of the world that his little baby cosmic supercomputer brain is going to have to piece together the entire world from context cues and natural intellect to deal with the rest...

I'm all for it as long as they handle his progression well. And don't use him as the ... butt ... of the joke.

-

I assume we all know the butt thing was because Jack is naked and it was joking about the fact he's wandering about butt out but they can't show it so they're just like butt butt butt on the menu board instead.

-

Promo scene! Oh no! We're not thinking about it. Not over it from last night. Dean is piiiissed.

-

Sam saying he had it under control is interesting now we have seen the actual scene in question. Sam did not really have it under control. He was babbling uncertainly like, no I'm not your father and also btw that freaks me out because he HAS possessed me before and being mistaken for him is SUUUPER uncomfortable and he's the reason for like 100% of my trauma past and present, and you're freaking me out... And yeah, between scenes he's decided they can't hunt Jack, that even if he seems to be laser focused on finding his father there has to be hope for him. This context is important: That Sam knows Jack's motivation and what it MEANS on a deeply horribly personal level and is defending him anyway. (I mean that "anyway" in the context of what Sam might think or feel rather than from my perspective where I can see it all from space and obviously Jack is not just any of this and anyway he'll be hunting with them sooner or later and there's presumably hope for Jack in this world...) But yeah, Sam knows how it is, searching for your father, for one thing. Which, interestingly, costuming aside, I don't think there's been MAJOR John and Lucifer parallels (hilarious that Lucifer changed his clothes just in time) in the same way that like, God and John were paralleled at a major narrative level. But now Jack wants to find his dad, which is the season 1 motivation for Sam and Dean, and that makes Lucifer and John narratively paralleled.

I don't think Sam is necessarily defending that Jack came out the womb with a one track mind to find Lucifer (maybe he wants to kill him, we haven't asked the guy his opinion yet) but that of course he thinks Jack can be reasoned with, saved from himself, and Sam relates heavily to being given powers beyond your control, and that there's hope for Jack to have a normal-ish life etc. None of which can be accomplished by just killing him outright.

-

Dean's just mad because Cas is dead and none of this would have happened if not for Jack

There's literally NOTHING TO META over on the Destiel side of things

-

I am feeling the void that they just left Cas there while rushing out to deal with Jack but I guess he's such an urgent problem Cas can wait and the house is remote enough that the milkman isn't likely to come round and see Cas lying dead in the back garden.

-

"Before he hurts anyone else" - he barely hurt you guys, it's more like he banged you up a bit and it was obviously a terrifying display of power and you don't want him to do *even that* again but - I mean - Dean, honey.

-

those words are going to be my approach to him for a while I think :P

-

That sheriff car really pushing the Twin Peaks vibe just because of the mountains on it... Was comparing it last season... Watched Twin Peaks for the first time shortly before the finale and caught Dabb just outright stealing an entire line from one of its episodes.

-

Either the police station is super close or Jack has been unintentionally terrorising the guys in the pirate restaurant for like an hour while just staring at the sign. He's thinking really hard about ordering the salty butt combo.

-

So we're really pushing how creepy Jack is. I mean, duh, it's the first episode and the first like 5 minutes of his screen time so he'll smile scarily for us.

They definitely cast him well for looking like Kelly but also having a really evil looking smirk.

-

Oh no. Cas.

They said Dean put the sheet over him and he's indoors so I guess that scene just happened in between things although right now we have no context for that so unless the angels say they didn't move Cas inside and put a sheet over him we don't have anything but actor confirmation this was a thing that happened, which is, of course, meaningless currency but makes for good headcanons... 

I mean I paused it on his dead face and went "waaaah" so I need to watch the rest of the scene but this is where I'm at going into it anywho.

-

Nope, one angel had to ask which means they are investigating the house which meeeeans that this was how Dean left Cas and it's implied by the subtext that this is what happened in one of those "the subtext isn't an ineffable cloud of possible happenstance, they just didn't show it on screen so this fills in the blank for us" ways and I am not okaaaaaaaaay

Also we have them as our straw man angels - one saying he deserved better (LOL I HOPE ALL THE CAS STANS ARE HAPPY THAT'S BEEN SAID IN THE STORY) and one who is saying he didn't. Representing that Heaven is conflicted about Cas's actions and that some still revered him and some still loathed him.

-

Also the one who hated Cas called Kelly a "Brood Mare" so he's a dick and I hope he gets stabbed pretty soon because we know there's angel stabbings in this episode, and I just was not paying any attention whatsoever to them in the spoilers.

-

So the clothes Jack ended up in were spares from the police station. The kid who worked at the pirate place has come along with them because fuck responsibility (he is so the bad influence cool guy and I hope Jack kinda gets a little puppy love crush on him although he's calling Jack weird still...)

That statement that no one is weird but normal in their own way was really nice though. Positive influences around Jack! Yeah!

-

Hahaha they literally said "Lost and Found" for where the clothes came from. Subtle. Jack's lost and found - he's a spare thing left behind, to be collected by the original owner or taken by someone who needs them more.

I used that phrase for a fic title back in season 12 about Mary about how she had been lost and found - died and came back - but also how she felt lost in the world now and then was found again when someone who related to her situation bonded with her and - okay it just turned into Charlie taking Mary back to her place and them making out but the point is that's the emotional tone I was using the title for. I assume it also applies to Jack's emotional state, but he hasn't been "found" yet and I'm assuming Sam will do that for him, but I don't think they'll go back to their place to play video games, drink a few beers and learn the ways of luuurve.

(I know some people were (crack?) shipping them but even though Jack's an adult now and technically only like... well, the actor would be within the window to have a thing with Sam and for it not to be weird age wise, but the whole framing of it... Jack acting like a grown up baby... yeah. We'll see how it goes but the dynamic wider fandom has built for them has been with Jack as a child. The way I see it is more the intern dynamic if he joins up with TFW, but the way they relate to him will have to be as a child by necessity at least until he's demonstrated emotional and intellectual maturity to them, and even then I think the impression will linger for a while...)

that was a weird side note... these notes are a disaster. Look it's been MONTHS and I didn't do rewatch notes for season 10 over hiatus like I meant so I am out of practice at this.

-

I also took a short break to chat with Mittens to confirm I wasn't going crazy, that WAS the same song as the other video they released in the hiatus, and yep we got the Nothing Else Matters destiel music video as the season opener. No I haven't processed it yet :D

-

Oh gosh Jack remembers his mom (HI KELLY, RIP) and he says she's in Heaven (can't recall his surname), and that memory was basically the footage from the USB stick, so he's internalised that somewhere without watching it. It's 2 influences, good and bad - a pure perfect dead mom (booo tropes the show was supposed to have ditched dramatically via Mary) and a literal satan father who "should have been there" but wasn't - ironically removed from the narrative by the reformed pure dead mom from last season, Mary. These are the two biological influences on him, anyway. The 2 sides of his nature he may struggle with and the way the conflict may be framed for him.

Buuut and here's a thing that might be contentious. So he knew Lucifer was supposed to be there when he was born and that he has to find him? He seems to have had that low level awareness of the world around him even in the womb, or at least was born with messages or some sort of communication from Lucifer lingering in his subconscious. Lucifer seemed linked to him while he was in the womb and I suppose this confirms it may have run both ways. Bleh.

The Jack As A Blank Slate characterisation is good because it excuses his actions from season 12 as done without knowing intent as he's still figuring it all out now, but these lines do implicate him in the actions, by giving him a sense of at least semi-awareness, of having a missive from before he was even born, knowing that he was supposed to find his father.

I think that also goes with Kelly leaving him the USB stick with the message on it - he has a missive from both his parents. Kelly's of course being so positive and hopeful for him, and Lucifer just kinda... being threatening to his goodness by wanting to be anywhere near him.

-

OH GOSH and he remembers burning Dagon. He did have an awareness of what was going on towards the end of the pregnancy!

"I remember the universe screamed" well that would be opening the AU I guess

-

yeah the thumbprinting thing isn't going to do much good :P Blank slate imagery again - he's not on the system, he's new!

-

Oh boy the stoner movie kid is going to have a wild ride explaining this.

Jack's getting better at full sentences though.

-

*blink blink*

-

And that was the Invention of Sarcasm.

Or he was telling the guy how stupid he was like... I have a superior intellect. I know this is a chair and this is a floor and this is the planet earth. Thank you, moronic human who keeps asking me the most obvious questions ever, it's really helping me collect my thoughts and begin to understand my environment. Are all humans as stupid as you?

-

Uhoh, the "I'm hungry" did not bode well with Amara. But is this going to be a fake out? He didn't seem about to attack the guy for his soul, so is he just going to have a whole ton of junk food when we get back and the guy is like yeah I knew he had the munchies so I raided my stash of M&Ms I keep here and it's all good.

I really can't tell how much of Jack's story is Ominous Nephilim Shit and how much is Stoner Bro Movie Lols

-

Here's the context about the curly butt fries line and destroying the world. People took it literally and it always seemed like this would be the context that Dean was putting fake words in Jack's mouth because he does it ALL the time. Like the line about getting bored of croquet so you know what's really fun? MURDER. I love it when he does this. I need to make him do it more when I write him.

-

Anyway Sam understands Jack, he can guess his location. Dean is doubtful and *specifically* mentions torching Chicago I think because of the 5x21 reference to his pizza date with Death. I think that is actually a good comparison because cosmic being but one who was a good ally in his own massive cosmic way. It's a nice omen. Dean is being wrong/right with his sarcasm. It's complicated :P

The fact he is letting Sam go in there also means he doesn't think that Jack is in there probably because the shack is still standing. Sam is going to go find clues! But while they're sitting in the car and Dean's sending Sam into a shack alone I can't help but remember 2x21 which was of course where Sam got snatched in a fast food shack and Dean asked for pie and it aaaaall began. I also wonder why Dean punches the sign and that makes me think that something might happen to Sam somehow although I can't guess how.

-

I have never related to anyone more than Drunk Fries Girl except I've done it in reverse, just missing the deadline on hashbrowns in McD's and stomping out of the store instead of just ordering fries :P

-

Sam deals with the awkwardness of asking for a tall naked guy with a level of composure Dean wouldn't manage in a million fucking years.

That's the entire meta.

-

You were right, Sam!

-

Sam's asking after Jack as the FBI and it's a way to not have him act as his father on the phone. But the thought occurred to me and I wonder if it passed Sam's mind or if he's judged Jack's age that they're not terribly far apart - less than 10 years.

I don't think they're really playing into this comparison right now anyway - like it was just for the opening scene, or the sheriff would have asked, "are you his father" and put Sam into the awkward position and THEN have him say that he's an agent.

-

This is literally the best exchange in the entire show because Sam is having to pretend to be FBI while talking about Jack, with Fries Girl and Over Enthusiastic Pirate Guy watching, and his eyes just went to the cheesebutt menu and he saw it and he did not laugh on the phone. 

I think Sam is strong and brave and of pure heart and fuck the "trials" or whatever the fuck shows the measure of a man, he just passed through the fucking abyss and came out the other side because he didn't laugh at Cheesebutt.

And, look, I laughed at the cheesebutt thing and the way it reflects hiiiilariously on Dean and the burgers thing. We all laughed at it. But Sam just blinked off in short succession a gay accusation and the urge to laugh at cheesebutt like it didn't even fucking affect him and I am just

I

Dabb

what

-

At the end of 12x23 my only conclusion was "i have been mindfucked"

and I thought

maybe season 13 will be you know... normal

Dabb it has been 15 minutes and I am so fucked up about everything :P

-

And now we cut to Dean with his messed up knuckles. Did he just go punch something off-screen?

(You know, the pirate sign that he punched in the promo for a totally random out of nowhere example of punchable things in the vicinity)

I hope he's not coping so badly that we're getting it in angsty flashbacks because that blood was not there before. And angsty flashbacks basically mean Destiel is canon.

OH NO FRIES GIRL IS HERE.

The drunk are an open and friendly people... Is she going to get Dean to open up? She's literally infodumping her life story on him because she's been up all night and her feet hurt and no one will give her fries, and I think she's about to fucking put the moral of the season in Dean's head somehow I don't know yet because I have literally paused because I was contemplating removing the dash between me bitching at Dabb for the wonderful fucked up episode and this commentary on it :P

Yep she told him that she punched Becky's stupid Elsa poster (what is Dabb's deal with Elsa from Frozen? Does he have a small daughter we don't know about that inflicted Let It Go on him in a loop? :P) and lit all her stuff on fire and started rambling about just burning the world down in her rage.

And then called Dean sensitive to Sam and this is amazing because her drunk wisdom sees right through his shit. I love fries girl.

-

I LOVE Fries Girl, she wrote "bitch" on the car :D :D :D

was THIS why Baby is all dusty? People are writing rude words all over everything this episode. I mean it's like a theme. A theme of desecration and burning the world down around you and who gives a flying fuck about consequences - you can change all the menu items to Butt because your mom's the sheriff and banging the guy who owns the restaurant or whatever, and if your roommate is a bitch, burn down all her things.

I mean then she writes it on the car which is sort of ominous about all their stuff being burned up.

I mean Dean did have that dream about Mary

He's lost Cas, that's his world burning down around him.

-

It's... Look, it's weird they have put off whatever Dean did in the intervening time Sam was eyeing up the cheesebutt menu to show later because we know we see it later because there's a hanging "what happened to your knuckles" question and we saw the clip in the promo. It's a storytelling decision to delay this, and we just see Dean dealing with it by drinking, splashing some alcohol on the cuts, and that's that for now.

What a fucking mess. Dean. Honey.

I suppose to keep the action flowing we deal with Jack but Dean's emotional story is running alongside it and it's being put off, held back... but it's not being held back forever. It's going to be opened up to us. But for NOW we just see kinda what Sam and outsiders see - the same thing I was meta-ing about the promo scene, about how they kept us outside the car for that conversation, about how we're not being allowed into Dean's grief and not being able to name Cas is another thing, another delay, another inability to confront it, just... we're outside, we're watching Dean struggle from afar. From Drunk Fries Girl POV.

-

This episode is fucking magnificent.

-

Maybe Jack is eating Clark, which is the name apparently of the kid.

-

Or are they laughing?? I think I heard laughter?

-

LAUGHTER and the munchies fake out.

I love you Dabb.

This literally says EVERYTHING about Jack and I now trust him completely.

-

Jack's first part of the story has gone from ominous to what a fucking cutie. He might not actually be a stoner but he's adorably sort of mascot-y to this guy and it's just hilarious that he can be like fuck the system I want candy, let's misuse my powers to get more candy because I love nougat. I mean I was wrong that the world would be saved in 13x23 because of trousers because that was a joke but I am legit thinking that this Human Things redux arc for Jack is going to save us all because fucking nougat. And that's a serious spec you can hold me accountable for at the end of the season.

The fact they're sitting on the floor giggling together is just sweet. Jack is learning about friendship so I doubt he would hurt Clark intentionally now, so if Clark does get hurt by Jack it's going to be a tragedy. Maybe something to show Jack how dangerous his powers are and make him want to be more careful and respectful to human life. I think Clark maaay be in the firing line as an adorable toy that gets mangled because Jack doesn't know how rough he's playing >.>

-

Also Jack you should probably not eat so much candy, because you'll get sick.

-

OH NO JACK. Is angel radio messing with your head?

-

OH NO he hurt the sheriff!

-

OH NO this is how he does the lights blowing walk? IT's AWFUL. PROTECT MY CANDY LOVING GIANT MAN BABY.

-

SAM TASED HIM

NO

-

I am so upset. I apparently am extremely protective of my Nougat and angel radio hurts him and they're yelling about him and want to kill him and he's sensitive too :<

(whatever wizardry Dabb wove with the stoner movie subplot worked.)

-

Sam and Dean are not hailed as heroes for stopping Nougat, they're arrested to and given the first ever proper search to confiscate all their guns and knives by a cop who knows what the fuck she is doing. Now Dean has to answer for themselves, using his real name and actual job. He's not got a fuck to give.

-

She asks him if he's a superhero and some part of Dean just crumbles away inside and he says no. In 9x07 especially there was a strong theme of Dean being a superhero and Thinman also had superhero comparisons to them and it was part of the shine of the job wearing off - one of the more subtly horrible Dean moments in season 9 is that superhero action figure melting on the hob yelling "I clobber evil!" into a horrifying mangled sound. I think I just saw his face convey the exact same symbolic awfulness just in his eyes. Fuck you Jensen.

Note to self: gif that if somehow or other someone else hasn't yet.

I mean it's all shattered because the illusion is gone, Dean has nothing left to live for, he's just a guy doing a job. There's no meaning, no personal glory, no one to do it FOR. He's just the tool that gets it done because it has to be done, because what fucking benefit does he get from any of it if the job is also just watching everyone he loves die. That doesn't make him feel like a superhero that makes him feel like total bleak nihilism where you might as well just be upfront and dead inside and tell the truth because what's even the point of lying.

This episode has a lot of nihilism but some of it is fun buttburger style and some is killing me inside :P

-

Also Dean had to confirm angels are real, and the look on his face when he does THAT is ALSO AWFUL. Because everything is awful.

All that baggage where confirming angels are real he knows what people think. He knows what HE thought. He knows how what he thought was different from what other people thought about angels (see: the entire conflict between him and Sam in 2x13) and what angels eventually became to him. That one angel WAS watching over him. That there was one who broke the pattern and was ... Cas.

Help.

-

I tell you what I thought while I was getting dinner... This is the first time I've felt like we're in a show run by the guy who helped create Plucky's.

This is the tone. This is the exact right mouthfeel for Dabb era. This is what it SHOULD be.

-

FINALLY the Sam and Jack confrontation we deserve!

Sam is getting through and chatting! Jack is talking about why he was scared which is nice and symbolic about sharing and caring feelings for better communication and understanding!

Sam's still scared of being in the same room as Jack, flinching when he moves, much like when he's around Lucifer. He's legit scared of a thing and Sam is the biggest badass hunter in the world (like, no offence Dean, you have an impressive and showy history but in terms of brute strength and raw badass mofo power it's Sam :P He's Sam Fucking Winchester and you have a much more personal, over-dramatic flair to the big kills and such)

Jack moves forward intently because he doesn't know that this much eagerness is a trait stamped out of adults, and sits cross-legged, childish, but still imposing. He's learned cross-legged is a fun way to sit and I'm really liking the choices here to make him both naive and powerful.

-

He's fucking sitting with the Mr Burns hands i knew it i knew this was going to be a trait of his, I called it from like 2 promo pics. God damn I'm good at reading body language from just a few stills :P He's exactly what I was expecting but in full 3D animation.

It's just... a cute weird trait. He doesn't know what to do with his hands so he just rests them where they are and lets them hang, because he doesn't have any tics or mannerisms. He's mannerismless. He's so new he hasn't got the faintest trace of social anxiety. This is a raw, undamaged soul.

I am going to weep when Nougat gets hurt in the bits that make him so sweet.

-

See now he's apologising for hurting people.  He sounds so confused when he says "I'm sorry" like he's sounding out the concept but the great thing is he's learning 1000 miles an hour. Anna told Cas he doesn't know what it is to be sorry and Cas still struggled with it in season 7 in the "playing sorry" game and only in 9x11 expressed that he truly understood empathy and human emotion now. Jack tries on an emotion for size, discovers it, and now seems to be fairly earnest about it.

-

Sam: *blink blink*

Sam was RIGHT. <3

-

Hahahah he says Kelly is a part of him. Another point for me! That was one of my specs for how he got to learn English and concepts so fast - that the reason it's fatal to birth him is because he's going to not just absorb the basic baby stuff like nutrients and stuff but he's going to suck her dry of facts and concepts and that's what destroys her. It's like what Amara did but far more complex.

Damn, I'm sorry you had to die for this Kelly, this is a pretty terrible idea in some ways. I better not overthink it.

He just said that his powers are him but not him - he sees them as something other from himself. The whole deal that he needed to be born powers and all, that taking the grace was taking a part of him - yeah. The Cas argument about his grace too, that it can be removed from him and he'll still be Cas, the grace is just power... If Jack sees it as a separate part of himself, a "Not Me" part of himself... That's a huge thing.

-

Oh my fucking GOD He thinks Cas is his FATHER OH NO OH NO OH NO OOOH NOOO.

(Also thanks a LOT people reading along with me for not telling me. Look, the analysis about Sam thinking it was Lucifer and Dabb's BIG Nougat Fake Out build up were all like... how it was meant to be read :P I guess that's why they backed off the father thing for Sam immediately after using it in the one place it would hurt the most.)

I mean Cas did basically act as the co-parent with Kelly and I am pretty sure our Nougat has some lines crossed here and OH MY GOSH DABB YOU MAGNIFICENT FUCKER

See when I said they were making Jack look SUPER FUCKING CREEPY when he was naked at the drive in obviously that was a fake out because I knew he was gonna be hunting with them later but oh my fucking fuck de fuck I want to go back and watch Jack's bits all over again where he's wandering around naked (as Cas is wont to do) asking for his father because FUCK.

He's born as Cas and Kelly die and now he's wandering around asking for Cas and that whole opening, that whole build up where he seems sinister... He remembered Cas all along... Oh gosh I said some things about him back there... I should go back to that scene immediately.

...

I nearly cracked a fucking joke that Jack doesn't have a last name just like Cas and it turns out that scene was a joke about Jack not having a last name because Cas is his father and HE doesn't have a fucking last name.

I hate everything.

"I'm trying to find him. I have to find him" YEAH SO JACK IS ON THE "WHERE IS CAS" TEAM AND THERE'S ANGELS SAYING CAS DESERVED BETTER, I THINK DABB HAS BEEN READING THE BLOGS AGAIN. 

Jack picked Cas to be there to be his parent and guide when Cas said that thing about being his guardian to show him the righteous path and Jack heard it from the womb and was like YES I CHOOSE YOU PIKACHU and that was that, Cas was his father now. Found family in the extreme. Who is the best family, the good family? I'll have that one please.

Oh gosh and now it's sadder that the sheriff was asking for a phone number or address because Cas HAS those. He has a HOME.

...

Anyway back to the Sam and Jack scene, which I already watched through but I want to watch AGAIN DAMMIT.

Gosh this is magnificent though because it puts Cas so squarely in the middle of everything - even though he's dead he's Jack's focus and he's Jack's moral centre and everything that is good about Cas is what Jack wants to beeeeeee and oh my gosh is he going to choose the Winchesters to be his new guardians because they were Cas's family? HELP ME.

-

I'm still kinda not over Jack completely becoming Kelly in the womb and being born by sucking her goodness out from the inside.

What a godawful parenting metaphor/commentary on the mother's sacrifice.

-

Oh and the door to the other world thing as the lead in to talking about his father? I was so sure it was going to be about Lucifer and then -

oh god I am in pain.

Because he diverts from talking about the portal to talking about needing to find his father to protect him and I was like A: well you need the portal for that and B: nooo, Nougat, you don't need that fucker in your life! and then -

oh.

Ow.

-

Anyway Sam's face while talking about Cas is just... ARGH. And Jack's so earnest and happy about Cas protecting him and how he had to grow up

-

And then poor Nougat's face when Sam tells him Cas is dead and he's SO ANGRY. And THAT, my dear Nougat, is how you get to the lovely position of being furiously vengeful against your birth father in order to avenge your chosen father and I am delighted.

Cas is Jack's Bobby.

-

OH NO Clark has gone out to smoke with headphones. He's so gonna get angel murdered if Jack's not gonna kill him (because he is a soft squishy nougat person) and then Jack's going to be even more hurt.

STOP HURTING JACK.

-

FRIES GIRL IS AN ANGEL.

-

THAT'S NOT A GOOD THING.

-

SAM, TELL DEAN ABOUT THE CAS'S SON THING.

HE SAID LUCIFER'S SON, THAT'S NOT HELPFUL.

I suppose Sam doesn't want to convey that to Dean because he knows how Dean is with concepts he hates because he's currently flippantly talking about killing "Damien" out back rather than engage with the subject matter, but tbh I think bringing up Cas would be such a knock to the feels that Sam might be able to get in the line that "this kid seems to have a Cas-guided morality" while Dean is still emotionally picking himself up.

-

AHAHAHA Dean said "that won't do jack against her" - he's still using "jack" as a phrase

-

Dean's Becky... what a surprise :P Maybe Fries Angel writing "Bitch" on the car wasn't subtle enough.

The angels find Dean an annoying roommate whose drama they're always having to deal with.

Mittens just reminded me I wept about 9x07 to her and the poor melting action figure and how the angels want to burn Dean down. I am not okaaaay.

-

OOOH we're getting angel radio now because Jack's our in!

I don't think their eyes normally light up to communicate with it but new season new rules and this must be a mechanic we're dealing with more than just this one example.

Poor Clark - Jack briefly had a friend, learned to sit cross legged and eat nougat from him, and now his friend who made him laugh is dead. It's a HARD LIFE being a Winchester.

-

Also the main Winchesters are getting smashed up

Wait Dean just got back up with STYLE. Nice fight

-

Hey Clark is still alive-ish... Maybe Jack can heal him.

-

OH NO BANISHING HURTS NOUGAT TOO.

That was some great quick thinking by Sam.

Guess walls affect it or Fries Angel was too far away.

-

Fries Angel needed to stick around to deliver some Destiel exposition that she knows Dean's first thought to "Jack can do anything" was not "I will use him to reopen that portal and get mom back" but "I will get him to resurrect my dead angel" and just immediately goes from that to crushing Dean about Cas's death

"Castiel, he's dead. All the way dead. Because of you."

That is.. the worst line

-

"Or what, Other One?" Jeeeze the angels really do have more of a beef with Dean about the whole Winchesters thing for some reason. That really means in a couple of lines of exposition that every time heaven has mocked Cas about The Winchesters they really have meant Dean... Just, you know.. remember who wrote the eeny meeny miney mo scene for a sec, back when he had to be subtle about Dean calling Cas but that just being a random happenstance to what the angels were talking about, essentially :P

-

Oh no she stabbed Nougat!

I assume he doesn't die because... you know.. spoilers.

-

He's got his own Cas-like pull the blade out moment, but... Wow.

-

HOLY SHIT SOMEONE SAID THE LINE "I'M FINE" ON THIS SHOW AND MEANT IT

IT IS A NEW ERA

NOUGAT IS THE HERALD OF BETTER TIMES

-

Poor guy is stunned and confused and a little hurt though.

-

Oh no Clark is fine but going to hospital. I mean I assume this means doctors will help him. His mom is telling him he'll be brave and so on.

-

Poor Nougat is so sad about how horrible this world is. Cas isn't here to protect him and Sam and Dean just did a moderately adequate job at fending off the angels while getting the shit kicked out of them because angels are scary and powerful again.

-

Sam tries to bring up the keeping Jack thing again and Dean's like yeah we can keep him but he's evil so I guess that means you clean up the mess a la taking a puppy home? 

Dean's still convinced Jack is evil and brainwashed Kelly and Cas - it's kinda more terrifying that he BECAME Kelly and absorbed her, and I do think he chose Cas to be his father and none of it was malicious, and they gave him the love and promise of protection he needs to be good and all and it's a billion times more nuanced than Dean thinks... He's being protective of Cas, depressed about their life and their chances... I think he's going to be pretty wrong about Nougat because from 12x19 it was obvious he had chosen Cas BECAUSE Cas was good and would protect him. Even when he didn't think he could do it himself. So I think Jack, uh... motivated Cas... because he wanted him... Like, I still think Jack did shit to Cas because he did creepy shit to Kelly which we're apparently going to move on from because he is an adorable squishy guy who I want to follow with a blanket and a stick to beat off people who will wear him down. But yeah, 12x19 is super weird and I don't *like* the method Jack acquired his mom and dad, even if I do think that he's not evil and the end result seems extremely positive if he popped out the womb determined to find Cas, and has a Cas-centric morality. Loving Cas is obviously the good and best thing you can do on this show and it's vindicating in spades he's a nice guy because he loves Cas and considers him a father for the protection he offered.

(Still think if he was pure good to start with he'd have SAID "hey I plan to be born a full grown adult, you don't need these diapers" but that WAS what caused him to open the rift so maybe his attempt to warn Cas went astray... :P)

But yeah I still find Jack "choosing" Cas to be his father and to create that bond out of nothing, almost instantaneously, to be a little suspect in the happenstance of it, even if as I've been saying all along I have been completely open to him turning out to be, well... Nougat.

-

But Dean doesn't care, he wants to kill Jack. "At least the only people he can hurt there are you and me" WOW DEAN.

WWWWOOOOOOW.

-

OH NO OH NO OOOOH NOOOOOOOOO O OoOOOOooooOOOooo o Sam is saying "are you sure about this Dean? It's Cas" - I assume in reference to burning him rather than burying him and Dean's gonna be like, Fries Angel said he was dead as dead. 

I don't wanna see it.

"You don't think I've tried that" OH NO

Here's the flashback! Told you it was coming! (You have all seen this episode no one is mad enough to wait 18 hours just to watch for the first time with my notes) But yeah as I was saying, sidelining Dean's emo stuff to focus on the action, to set it aside, to put us away from it, to keep it back for when it would hit most. To do some god damn STORYTELLING around here. Some fucking ardfgjhlsksdfhjklslhfdjqp storytelling. That when all the action is done, when Dean has been ground down into a fucking paste by this day, the day of having to come to terms with the loss of Cas, when we know he went off to have some private punching things time and Sam was being the least gay to possibly gay in the comic stoner movie side of the story, Dean was having a moment SO POWERFUL that it could ONLY be conveyed to us by not showing it happening until we were deeply, truly, in the context of Dean mourning Cas and where we could focus on that with nothing left to distract us that this is the Worst.

-

.... I have been sitting here not pressing play for over 10 minutes

-

OH NO

I have paused it immediately

because they used the camera angle from Baby

the Roadhouse one

and the one from the fight where Cas was on the phone

-

so uh

Add hysterical weeping to the things this show makes me do because I was one stoic snarky hahaha isn't this ridiculous Jack planned to adult all along so the diapers thing was a massive prank kinda person and then bam Dean went out back to pray and I was scream-crying and then he said Cas was his everything and I am never going to be chill again

-

Okay, Chuck… or god, or whatever. I need your help. See, you– you left us. You LEFT us. You went off. You said… You said the earth would be fine because it had me… and Sam, but it’s NOT, and we’re NOT.

We’ve lost everything. And now you’re gonna bring him back. Okay? You’re gonna bring back Cas, you’re gonna bring back Mom, you’re gonna bring ‘em all back. All of ‘em. Even Crowley.

’Cause after everything that you’ve done, you OWE us, you son of a bitch. So you get your ass down here and you make this right, right here and right now.

Please. Please help us.

-

Thanks Mittens.

So.

Uh.

-

First name basis with the guy upstairs: this is a personal appeal in case he ever actually cared. (Spoiler alert: I don't think Dean is going to come out of this with a better opinion of God)

*I* need your help. Not we, *I*. This is on Dean's behalf for Cas.

He brings up the line which we went into Dabb era on and I ripped to shreds critically at the time that Chuck ever put that burden onto Dean because he has some broad ass shoulders but they are not big enough for the world and his whole problem is he's always been carrying it in the first place so Chuck didn't do SHIT to make him feel better AND NOW DEAN IS CRITIQUING THE CARETAKERS OF THE EARTH IDEA. THAT IT SHOULD NOT BE HIS BURDEN. MAYBE NOT BECAUSE HE CAN'T DO IT BUT BECAUSE HE SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO DO IT. He was singled out as the firewall between light and dark but he doesn't feel like a superhero. He doesn't clobber evil. He's being STRIPPED DOWN AS A PERSON. WHO EVEN IS HE. WILL DEAN QUIT HUNTING? JESUS CHRIST, I SAID THAT LINE IN 11x23 WAS AWFUL FOR DEAN BUT I DIDN'T THINK DABB WAS GONNA GO *THERE*

And he says the world isn't fine - and they're not. Their emotional state reflects the world. The centre of the universe thing, in the storytelling, makes the world reflect Dean. His misery or happiness is on a cosmic scale. This tangledupness of him in the middle of it all is killing him because the world will be in danger and that can't all land on him. He can't be the Atlas of this world. But he is. OH how he is. But this isn't a world with superheroes. Just HUMAN GUYS DOING THEIR JOB.

And then the transition. The terms and conditions. The "you have given me a fucked up burden so pls unfuck it and here's how" swinging around from "everything" to "him". The implicitness of it all. The... The fact everyone knows it's about Cas. It's not about Mom. It's not about Crowley. He can say their names. He couldn't say that Cas was dead. Fries Angel immediately identified it. Cas is the answer to all the questions, where all roads lead. And they've come back to the house where he died, FOR Cas, and Sam asks about praying and Dean has already asked and got no answer, already been told Cas is permadead, and THIS is where we deliver the bombshell. Everything flows into "him".

Cas is Dean's everything.

And yeah he wants Mary back and fuck it fuck you God fuck everything just fucking include Crowley to because why the fuck not, you owe me. All that pointless stupid death and loss, it's enough to make me feel bad that Crowley is gone.

And oh the wank over the summer he would ask for Crowley back too (and I smacked the desk and hooted with laughter, with tears still in my eyes, reeling from the "everything" line because I called the way Dean would ask for him back. I knew it!), it just... Even Mary doesn't compare because she's tacked on in the repetition, the clarification that everything is him is Cas. And it's totally fine for Dean to ask for these others he's lost back, for them to be in the same sentence as Cas, because yes he lost them and it hurts and it's awful, but there is a very special awful reserved for Cas. The kind of awful where Sam has to pause and ask Dean if he's sure, if he doesn't want to find a way to bring him back. And we ALL know we're not supposed to bring people back because there's consequences. We're all adults in the room, they both have done it, seen and FELT the consequences for having it done TO them. But Sam knows. He just knows what happens when it's someone like Cas. And maybe we don't have any more bullshit, we just ask politely and carefully if this is going to be a "bring them back at any cost" situation, and how can I help?

And then at the end of the prayer Dean cracks out the exact look and angle of expression for his Plea To God face that he has used... once. In 5x14. When utterly at the end of his rope. This is what losing Cas has brought him to - the lowest point, the one back in season 5 that was a danger to the guardianship of the world lumped on Dean's shoulders, because it was where he was when he nearly said yes to Michael, the despair cycle he couldn't deny any more at the time... Yeah, this has kind of seen and waved at season 7 on the way to hurtling all the way back to the Worst Dean Has Ever Felt To Date.

-

Nice.

-

And Dean has given up all faith in God ever helping them or caring about them.

-

OH NO

NOUGAT

Sam has taken him to see his dead mom. :(

Time to grapple with the concept of loss.

*beeps her big toe*

Oh Nougat I truly feel bad for you now. Look at his big soft face. He consumed her to gain his life and powers and his intelligence and his GOODNESS and oh no that means he's gonna feel baaad about it.

-

But Dean is downstairs with Cas, alone. Can this episode get any fucking worse.

-

THOSE SERIES OF ACTIONS QUALIFY AS WORSE I AM WEEPING AGAIN.

Oh god Dean.

You should have told him.

You should have fucking told him.

-

Oh Nougat you... sweetie. He has no clue what to say. :(

Sam tells him to say thank you, because he devoured Kelly, and to say sorry.

-

Oh Sam, he's crying for Cas as well.

-

OH NO Dean's so defeated about Mary it's just... UGH.

I assume these are the first things he says today where he gets immediately proven wrong - I assume the last scene will be a hop across the universe lines.

"They're all gone"

This is simultaneously the best Sam stuff in 1000 miles of canon and the worst Dean episode ever and I am in agony.

-

Yep that billisecond of footage was completely right. Sam is sad, Jack, who we didn't see, is struggling sweetly with the concept of death and what it means and how to act and feel right now, and Dean... has checked the fuck out.

-

RUN, MARY

-

I LOVE HER.

-

FUCK YOU LUCIFER BTW

-

Ugh her face is like mine when he says he needs her. The shot looks like the fucking Titanic poster. I'm assuming they do not get very far before Michael gets involved, though.

I'm gonna go back to ugly-crying about the rest of this.

-

This is Dabb's best solo episode hands down. I laughed, I cried, I struggled with the complex philosophy of being human and if you should consume your mother from the inside out in order to be born as a full-grown man.

I think I'm keeping Nougat.

[enbysaurus-wrex]

All-American Boy chapter 3

Chapter 3

Take a chance, take your shoes off, dance in the rain.

-Panic! at the Disco, I Have Friends in Holy Spaces

Cas:

Cas squinted his eyes at his roommate. “What’s larking?” he asked, head tilted slightly and eyebrows knit together.

Dean barked out a laugh, bending over to clutch his stomach. “LARPING,” he clarified. “It stands for live action role playing. It’s not a Shakespearean bird, you loon.”

“Larks are real birds, Dean,” Cas said, smirk forming on his lips. “What does live action role playing intail?”

“Uh, basically it’s like an RPG in real life. You run around with foam swords or beanbags for magic and just… role play. It’s fun,” Dean said with a casual smile.

“Who’s all gonna be there?” Cas asked. It wasn’t as if he were shy or anything. It just took him a while to warm up to new people and crowds freaked him out a little bit.

“Uh, Charlie, of course,” Dean said, scratching the stubble forming on his chin as he tried to remember who all was coming. “And Gilda, probably. Kevin and Channing, Garth, and a few others. Not too many people but we need the numbers in order to be a university recognized club, you know.”

Cas nodded. “Yeah. Sounds fun. Will I have to buy anything or will stuff be provided?”

Dean shook his head. “No, we’ve got a few extra supplies for newcomers but if you come to more than two games you have to purchase your own and pay the five dollar club fee.”

“Sounds reasonable. What class are you?” Cas asked, curious. He’d played several RPGs before so he was familiar with how they worked… mostly. It wasn’t as if he’d played D&D or WOW. Just stuff like Dragon Age and Skyrim.

“I’m a warrior so I’m DPS. But you have your orcs who are the tanks, mages can be DPS or healers depending. You also have rogues which can specialize in archery or short range weapons like daggers or whatnot,” he explained and Cas nodded again. He figured it would be something like that.

“Great,” Dean said, opening his wardrobe and pulling out a foam longsword.

Cas chuckled. “Where did you get that? Narnia?” he asked, not able to hide his amusement.

“Nah,” Dean said with a shrug. “Just kinda a closeted nerd.”

“Well, in my opinion, closets are for clothes. You should always be open about who you are. Why hide it?” He recognized the hypocrisy in what he was saying of course. If only he could just practice what he preached. But it was easier said than done. Especially with his upbringing.

“Well, the game’s tonight at sundown,” Dean said, pulling some costume chainmail from the closet as well. “What do you usually play as? You’re a mage in Dragon Age, right?”

“Elf mage. But I don’t have a costume. Or ears…” Cas said with a frown.

“And they haven’t put up any of those Halloween Express stores yet… We could always try Goodwill. I’m sure you could turn some ugly dress into a mage’s robes. And Charlie actually has Hogwarts robes you could wear inside-out to hide the school insignia,” Dean said, looking him up and down. “They might be a little short and maybe a little tight in the arms, but I’m sure they’ll fit. They’re kinda loose on her.”

“Not all mages wear robes you know? Dorian in Dragon Age kinda just wears a tunic with leather and gauntlets underneath.”

Dean nodded. “And thigh highs,” he said with a chuckle. “And a wicked-ass curly mustache.”

“They aren’t thigh highs,” Cas corrected. “Probably just knee highs with leather pants.”

“And he forgot a sleeve, because he’s an ‘edgy Tevinter,’” Dean said, still chuckling.

Cas snorted. “I thought he was just doing that to be sexy,” he said and Dean barked out another laugh.

“Yeah, well, you can be whatever kind of mage you want. I, myself, go for the knight in shining armor look,” Dean said with a wink.

Cas tried not to read too much into it. He knew they were just playing around. He wasn’t ready to get his heart broken again.

Half an hour and one city bus later, Cas and Dean were walking through Goodwill, looking through the dresses in the women’s section.

“You’ll probably need a large or an XL since most women aren’t as… built as you are,” Dean said, looking through the appropriate sizes.

Cas nodded. “Most women also aren’t six foot,” he said, knowing he’d probably fit an XL better and going straight to that section. He tried not to think too hard about the fact Dean called him built. It was just an observation. Nothing more.

“What about this?” Dean asked, holding up a white tunic style dress with cut-out sleeves.

Cas observed the dress, picturing wearing black jeans and boots with it. It would be a bit like what Dorian wore. Enough to make it work anyway.

“That could work if I put a belt around the waist and chest…” Cas mused.

“And Charlie has black arm-warmers you could wear as gauntlets. It’s not perfect but…”

“It’ll do,” Cas said, grabbing the garment and making his way towards the dressing rooms.

In front of the mirror, Cas stripped off his tee shirt and slipped on the dress. Other than his collar bones showing, it seemed to work pretty well. Maybe he could wear a scarf with it to make it more ‘magie.’ Afterall, he wasn’t supposed to be Dorian. He was just Dorian inspired. He could even draw on a goatee using eyeliner to set him apart from the character.

Back at Birchwood, Dean and Cas went to Charlie’s room to bum the arm warmers and some eyeliner off of her. She was so excited Cas was joining them tonight, she gladly gave over the supplies, telling him he could keep them for future cosplays if he’d like.

“Are you sure?” Cas asked, looking down at the black pencil and bit of fabric in his hands.

Charlie nodded. “Oh yeah. I have way too many sticks of eyeliner because my parents always give me makeup as stocking stuffers. And I’ve only worn the arm warmers once. They’re a little too emo for my tastes,” she said, cringing slightly.

Dean laughed. “I always seem to get car accessories in my stocking,” he said, shaking his head. “I have this huge collection of air fresheners and no car to put them in.”

Cas smiled fondly, remembering Christmases past. “I would always get more candy than one person could eat and my dad would end up stealing most of it even though I hid it under my bed.”

“Parents…” Charlie said, shaking her head and Cas tried not to be saddened by the memories.

“Parents,” he said in agreement.

After eating breakfast for dinner at Westwood (and yes, it was just as packed as Dean said it would be) the three of them made their way out to the Quad.

“Dean!” a small-framed blonde girl shouted and ran up to him, throwing her arms around his shoulders. He picked her up and spun her around.

“Missed you kiddo,” he said into her hair before setting her down.

“Jo,” he said, addressing the girl. “This is Cas, my roommate. Cas, this is Jo. She’s Bobby’s daughter and a freshman in Honors College. She has an on-campus job so she got to come up a week earlier, but unfortunately has been just too busy to stop by and see me.” He ruffled her hair and she slapped away his hand.

“Bobby who owns the auto shop?” Cas asked.

Jo nodded. “Yup. That’s my daddy. Grew up around cars my whole life but what I really want to do is teach. Well… and coach. I’m on the volleyball team here.”

Cas’s eyes bugged out of his head. “You’re in Honors College, have a job, and are in a sport? That’s a lot.”

Jo shrugged. “It’s not that bad. I tested out of a lot of the required classes and have a couple of semesters of college credit under my belt so I’m only taking twelve credit hours.”

“Tell him what you wanna teach,” Dean said, sounding rather proud of her.

“Physics,” Jo answered, a bit shyly. “I’ve always been drawn to the sciences, you know?”

Dean put his arm around her, pulling the girl to his side. He kissed her on the top of the head.

Cas felt like he was going to be sick. It didn’t come as a surprise that Dean had a girlfriend. He just wasn’t prepared for how bad it would feel. It had only been a week but he was falling for the man. Hard.

Dean:

Dean couldn’t be more proud of Jo. He kissed the top of her head and smiled down at her, her eyes shining back up at him. He knew the girl had a crush on him and that she had since they were children. They had always been really close and were open with their affections. But for all the heart eyes she made at him, he had only ever thought of her as a sister. It’s not as if he’d never told her that either. He figured she was just holding out until the day he changed his mind. Which was never ever going to happen. It wasn’t that Dean didn’t find her attractive. She was very cute. It was just that it would be so… weird. They’d known each other since daycare.

“Hey, Dean,” Max said, approaching with a small wave, his twin sister Alicia right behind him.

Max on the other hand… He’d met the dark skinned boy in freshman biology and had been harboring a crush ever since.

“Hey!” Dean said, letting go of Jo to hug each of the twins. “How are your moms?”

“Oh, you know. They’re cops so they never get a day off together but are disgustingly hopelessly in love,” Max said as he fake gagged. “It’s sickening.”

Max and Alicia were adopted, their parents dying in a car crash when they were very young. Sheriffs Jody and Donna had taken them in when they were in grade school.

“Hey!” Alicia said, suddenly remembering something. “Max and I are going to a drag show tomorrow. Wanna come?”

“Is it a Prism thing?”

Max nodded. “Yep.” He turned to Charlie. “Didn’t see you at the first meeting, Charles.”

“Been busy with RA stuff,” Charlie told him.

“And gaming,” Max said with a laugh.

“And gaming,” Charlie repeated sheepishly.

“Oh, love the outfit,” Max said, finally noticing Cas.

His friend suddenly looked shy. “Thanks. We, uh, got it at Goodwill actually.”

“Nice,” Max said with a nod. “Hey, Dean, come meet the rest of the gang.” He ushered them towards where Gilda, Kevin, Channing, and Garth were chatting with two brunette girls. As soon as Charlie approached, Gilda was immediately at her side. “Guys, this is Annie and Krissy.”

“Alex,” the one brunette corrected.

“They’re both freshman in the prospect teaching program,” Jo said.

“Prospect?” Cas asked, doing that cute head-tilt thing he always did.

Jo nodded. “Yeah, they don’t accept you into the teacher’s college until your junior year. You have to take a test and everything.”

“But you can take the test sooner than that since you have so many credits built up?” Dean asked, putting his arm around her again.

“Maybe. I’d have to ask my counselor,” Jo admitted.

Dean nodded. “Maybe you can get your program counselor early,” he suggested. Freshman had a different guidance counselor their first year as a ‘general counselor’ and after that they got a counselor in their majors.

“Enough yacking!” Charlie said with command. “As your queen, I demand no talk of the outside world once one’s feet step into Moondoor.”

“Moondoor?” Cas asked, looking adorably confused.

“The Quad,” Dean whispered with a chuckle. “It’s what we call the kingdom the game takes place in.”

Cas nodded, suddenly looking serious.

“Now then,” Charlie said, clapping her hand behind her back and walking in a royal fashion. “I want each of you to split up into two teams. You will have fifteen minutes to strategize before the game begins.”

Cas stood back while the group formed into two teams.

“Wanna be on my team, Cas?” Dean asked.

“Sure,” the dark-haired man nodded. “Who else is on our team.”

“Team Badass is you, me, Max, Jo, and Krissy,” Dean said with a smirk. “And Team Loser over there is Garth, Alex, Kevin, Channing, and Gilda.”

“Charlie isn't playing?” Cas asked, a look of confusion on his face.

Dean shook his head, chuckling softly. “Nah, she is. She just floats around to wherever she's needed. Keeps things interesting,” he said with a smirk.

“Alright good people of Moondoor,” Charlie said, approaching the front of the group once again. “What be your team names?”

“Team Badass!” Dean shouted, earning a ripple of laughter from both teams.

“Acceptable,” Charlie said. “And your team?” she asked the second group.

“Team Ass-Kickers!” Garth shouted, putting out his palm to be high fived by Kevin.

Charlie chuckled and shook her head. She instructed each team to go over their teams plan of attack. After fifteen minutes she addressed the whole group again.

She cleared her throat several times and everyone stopped talking. “Let the game commence!” she shouted and Dean let off a battle-cry.

Cas:

LARPing turned out to be complete and utter chaos with people attacking one another with foam weapons, firing fake arrows, and throwing bean bags from a pouch around their waists and shouting spells like “incinerate!” and “immobilize!” at one another. In the end, Team Badass won.

Cas was so tired, he fell asleep that night the minute his head hit the pillow. The next morning he was sore, but a good sore, the kind of ache he felt after an extra long run.

He ate breakfast with Dean and Garth (nobody else was awake) and spent the late morning into the afternoon watching Stranger Things on Netflix with them.

The entire LARPing team met for dinner at seven at the Student Center. Cas had never belonged to a group before. It felt nice.

After dinner, he was invited to go with them to see a drag show but he politely declined. He had no issues with drag or even transgender people. He just wasn’t ready to go to an event like that.

On Sunday he went out to the Quad to read his chapters while Dean and Jo were at the recplex lifting weights. Soccer practice stared that week and Dean wanted to make sure he was at least in some sort of shape before the season began.

Every day that week, at five pm sharp, Cas went to the soccer field to watch Dean practice. Sometimes Jo, Charlie, or Garth would join him, but on Thursday he was alone watching the brilliant man he was falling more and more for each and every day wipe the field with the rest of his teammates. It was no wonder the guy was there on an athletic scholarship.

As a midfielder, it suddenly became obvious how Dean stayed in shape despite his, admittedly, horrible eating habits. He glided across the pitch like it was made of ice. Cas knew nothing about sports but he knew he was one impressive specimen, that was for sure.

After practice, they would always grab a bite to eat. Sometimes they were alone, other times, one of their friends joined. Oftentimes, it was Jo. Cas tried not to get jealous every time the two of them casually touched. He knew going into this that Dean probably didn’t go for men, and even if he did, clearly he and Jo were devoted to one another and Cas did not intend to be a homewrecker.

Dean:

It was after practice on Friday night and Dean was beat, even after the amazing waffles he’d just had at Westwood. If he was being honest with himself, the carbs were probably making him even more sleepy. Thank goodness Cas just wanted a simple night in playing video games. Dean could be down with that. Maybe Charlie or Garth would join them later.

After kicking off his cleats, he bent over to peel of his socks and shin guards and threw them in the corner of the room where his laundry bin was.

Cas wrinkled his nose as he put the game into his XBox 360. He’d been playing Dragon Age Inquisition on PS4 and this was the first time he’d booted the 360 up since he’d been rooming with Dean.

“You should have brought some of those car air fresheners with you, hang them by your stinky laundry.”

Dean chuckled and went over to retrieve his shin guards. “You’re no spring rose after a jog,” he told Cas before throwing the rancid object at him.

Cas ducked to avoid it. “Watch it,” he said, pointing a finger at him with false seriousness. “I will tell Charlie on you.”

“Is that a threat or a promise?” Dean asked, lifting up the other shin guard as if he was going to throw it.

“Do you want to watch me play Mass Effect or not?” Cas asked, sitting down on his banana chair and raising an eyebrow at Dean.

Dean rolled his eyes and took a seat next to Cas in his own gaming chair. He was more of a PC gamer himself and was glad Cas had brought along a television and a couple of consoles. Not knowing where to put them, the tv was sitting stacked on top of the mini fridge/microwave combo Dean rented and the consoles were stacked on top of the empty plastic milk crates Dean had packed his stuff in. It wasn’t pretty but it worked.

“Okay, what’s this game about?” Dean asked as the start menu loaded.

Cas pressed start and began creating his character.

“Uh, it’s a decision making sci-fi RPG. It has a bit of a Star Trek influence and is story based. There are more lines of dialogue than your average tv show. So, the gameplay is kinda… lacking, but it got a lot better by games two and three. Your decisions carry over from game to game as well as the friendships and romantic relationships.”

“Romantic relationships?”

“Yeah, you can sleep with members of your crew.”

“How very Kirk of you,” Dean observed with a chuckle.

Cas nodded as he focused on getting his character just right. “Yeah, they actually had a limited edition Mass Effect Cards Against Humanity pack. One of the cards was ‘fuckable aliens.’”

Dean snorted. “So, like blue chicks or something?”

“There are those,” Cas said as he chose his characters background and class. “But there’s also a few other human and alien options. More so in games two and three.”

“So, who can you fuck this game?”

“Well, since there’s no gay romance option in ME1 or I usually go for Liara - your typical hot blue alien chick - and then kind just roll the dice in Two,” he said with a chuckle. “But I’m pretty much just holding out for Kaiden in Three. Sometimes I’ll go for Cortez but-”

“Wait,” Dean said, swallowing hard. “You’re gay?”

“Um... “ Cas looked nervous. “My Commander Shepard is for sure.”

“No,” Dean shook his head, standing up quickly. “Are you?”

Cas looked down at his controller. He was still in character creation mode. “You went to a drag show. You’re friends with Charlie and Max… I didn’t think you’d have an issue with-”

Dean shook his head. No, if Cas were gay that would change everything. “It’s a yes or no question, Cas.”

Dean wasn’t sure why he was freaking out so much about this. Hell, he identified as bisexual so it wasn’t a homophobic response. But, nonetheless, the knowledge that Cas might be into him made him uneasy. Maybe it was because he was still so fixated on Max?

“You’re not forcing me out of the closet, Dean,” Cas said, looking up at him with fire in his eyes. “I don’t get what your issue is but-”

“Hey,” Dean said, kneeling down and putting his hand on the other man’s shoulder before he decided to smite him or something. “I’m just… going through my own shit. It has nothing to do with you.”

“So you don’t have an issue if I’m-”

“Not at all!” Dean said, squeezing his shoulder and looking him dead in the eyes. Those deep blue beautiful eyes. “I… It just came as a surprise, that’s all. I’m totally cool with it.” He shot him a charming smile. “I’m sorry, okay?”

“Okay…” Cas said tentatively before turning back to the tv.

To be continued...

http://archiveofourown.org/works/13196649/chapters/30569769

[hannahindie]

A Tight Fit

Characters: Dean Winchester, Cas, Sam Winchester, Reader Word Count: 2,348 Warnings: Inappropriate noises, frustrated Dean, overly helpful Cas, slight heartbreak, all around confusion. A/N: I wrote this for @notnaturalanahi‘s Ana’s Crack Challenge #2 TWSS Edition. My prompt is bolded below. Italics are a conversation being had behind a closed door. I loved doing this challenge, and I hope you enjoy it too!

Beta’d by my sweet waterbear, @trexrambling: “I just can't with you right now. You heard my giggles. My brain can't handle this.”

As usual, tags are at the bottom! If you’d like to be added, please let me know!

Overview: Sam and the reader come home after a long evening out and stumble upon a situation in the bunker that they weren’t expecting.

The bunker door groaned as Sam pushed it open and let Y/N go ahead of him and down the stairs. “I can’t believe you didn’t want to stay longer.”

Y/N rolled her eyes, “Sam, one foreign film was enough, I can’t do two. I love you, but...it’s just not enough to get me through that. Sorry.” Y/N wandered through the war room and into the kitchen where she grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and leaned against the counter. “Where is everyone?”

Sam shrugged, “I dunno. Who knows where Cas goes most of the time, and Dean is probably at the bar or something.”

Y/N stretched, then tossed the now empty water bottle in the trash and made her way to the door. “Well, I’m beat. I think I’m going to crash.”

Sam’s eyes widened and he pushed his way past her to lean against the door. ‘’Aw, come on, you aren’t going to bed already, are you? It’s only…” he looked at his watch, “...one-thirty.”

Y/N narrowed her eyes, “One-thirty...in the morning. How are you not tired, Sam? We just drove, like, two hours to get home.”

Sam threw out his hands and shrugged, “I dunno, but I’m definitely not ready for bed. Wanna play a game of True American? Watch some television?”

Y/N groaned, “No, Sam, I don’t. I just spent four hours in a movie theater reading subtitles. First of all, who makes a movie that long?! Also, I forgot my glasses, so I’m pretty sure my eyes are going to bleed any time now. Now please, move.”

Y/N pushed past Sam and down the hall. Sam watched her for a moment, panic on his face, then finally made himself chase after her.

“Y/N! Stop! I need...I need to talk to you!”

Y/N whipped around just short of her room and glared, “This had better be good, Sam.”

Sam put one hand on his hip and ran the other hand through his hair. He was going to regret this, but it was too late to stop now. “You said you loved me earlier.”

Y/N crossed her arms, and her expression changed from annoyance to confusion, “Yea, I did. Why?”

“‘Cause I love you.”

Y/N raised an eyebrow, “What?”

Sam nodded, “Yep. I love you. It’s a thing...that has been happening.”

Y/N looked at him silently for a moment, her mouth slightly ajar as she thought about what to say. Then, suddenly and somewhat to Sam’s disappointment, she laughed. “Oh...oh man. Sammy, you…what? You’re kidding. You’ve got to be… You’re kidding, right?”

“Why is that funny?”

Y/N smiled, “Sam, I know you love me. But you don’t love me. Come on. We both know that. You’re my best friend. That’s a really lame way to get me to hang out with you longer. If you’re that desperate, come hang out in my room with me for awhile.” She chuckled as she turned back towards her room, “You’re such a dork.”

Sam watched as she got to the door and moved to open it. She froze as her hand reached for the knob, and she leaned in as if she was listening to something. Her expression changed from amused to horrified in a matter of seconds.

“Y/N, what’s wrong?”

“There’s someone in my room… I think it’s Dean.”

Sam walked over and leaned against the door as he tried to pretend like he didn’t know for a fact that Dean was in her room. “Kinda sounds like it… Is that Cas?”

“Cas, I don’t think your angel grace is gonna be enough...unnnnffff…..Jesus, see? It’s not gonna fit.”

“Just hold still, Dean. You are far too rigid. If you keep holding it like that, it is just going to slip out. “

“You’re gonna slip out!”

“That...that does not make sense.”

Y/N looked at Sam, horrified. “What are they doing?” she whispered loudly.

Sam looked at her with wide eyes, “I...I don’t know.”

“Just stick it in the hole, Cas, what is the problem? Haven’t you done this before?”

“No, Dean, I have not. I am an Angel of the Lord, this has never been a problem for me.”

“You mean to tell me that you have walked this earth for millions of years, and this is your first time?”

"Dean, I am trying. It does not fit. I am beginning to wonder if you know how. The basic mechanics of this is not difficult."

“Sam...why are they in my room? Are they….please tell me that they aren’t... Why are they in my room?”

Sam gently put his hand on Y/N’s shoulder, “It’s fine, I’m sure there is a reasonable explanation for this.”

"For the love of God, Cas, please just put it in there. WHOA, HEY, that's too hard! You're gonna break something!"

"It is far sturdier than you think. It will be fine. Turn towards me, maybe that will be of assistance."

"I don't see how us facing each other is going to help. Man, if we are gonna do it this way, I don't want to have to look at your face the whole time."

Y/N looked at Sam, and he frowned at how heartbroken she looked.

“How is there a reasonable explanation for that? Are you hearing this right now?” She leaned against the wall next to her door and sighed. “You know, I kind of thought maybe me and Dean...that he felt the same. God, I’m stupid.”

“Y/N, I don’t think this is what you think it is. Let’s just knock, okay? See what’s going on.”

"I don’t think this is how it is supposed to look. Are you sure you read the instructions right?"

"It looks just like it does on the internet. I looked it up. On my smart phone."

"Cas, I have looked up many things on my smartphone; doesn't make it right."

There was a beat of silence and Sam glanced back at Y/N, who had her eyes closed and was shaking her head.

"Ow! That's not how that works! Are you even looking where you're putting that thing?"

“Sorry, Dean, I was distracted. Here, let me-”

"Wait, wait. I’m warning you, it’s a tight fit. Ok, now do it again...unnfff….Yeah. just like that Cas. Just. Like. That.”

Y/N waved vaguely at the door, “I don’t need to knock. I don’t need to see this, Sam! Did you know about this? I’m going to have salt and burn that room, and maybe my ear drums. And my feelings.” She sighed and hid her face in her hands, “This is awful.”

“Y/N, listen, it’s not what you think. See, the thing is-”

"Dean, have you and Sam ever done this before?"

"No, Cas. And I'd like to keep it that way. He would just make faces at me and tell me everything I'm doing wrong."

Y/N jerked her head up and glared at the closed door, “This is too much. It’s...I can’t.” She stormed off down the hall, and Sam followed quickly behind.

“Y/N!”

Dean looked up from the final leg he was attaching to the desk he and Cas had been working on, “Did you hear that?”

Cas shrugged, “I heard Sam and Y/N in the hallway, but I was not listening to them. She sounded upset, though.”

Dean tossed the screwdriver down and wiped his hands off on his jeans, “Upset? Why would she be upset?”

“I do not know Dean. I did not hear their conversation, just you telling me all the ways in which I was doing it wrong.”

“Huh, weird.” Dean looked at the desk and grinned, “Look at that, Cas! We did it, and we only have three extra pieces that probably aren’t important.” Dean clapped his hands together, “Ready to show Y/N?”

“Yes. I think she is really going to like this, Dean. You made a good decision.”

They left Y/N’s room and walked towards the library.

“You really think so? I’m not sure what her furniture preferences are...and honestly, who can even read half of those IKEA names? What is that about, anyway?”

“The names are in Swedish, so I would imagine anyone that spoke Swedish would be able to read all of the names.”

Dean rolled his eyes, “That’s a nice observation, buddy.” They walked into the darkened library and Dean stopped next to one of the tables. “Why is it so dark in here?” A lamp clicked on and illuminated a table down from where Dean stood, and he narrowed his eyes against the sudden brightness. “What the hell?”

Y/N and Sam sat next to each other, facing Dean and Cas. Y/N settled back into her chair and crossed her arms, “I think the better question is, why are the two of you so sweaty and disheveled?”

Dean glanced over at Cas who looked like he just went two rounds with Meg in the sack and then realized what he must look like. “Oh...well...I can explain-”

“Can you? Because I’m not so sure I want to hear the explanation.” Y/N leaned forward, her elbows propped on the table in front of her.

Dean scoffed, “What’s wrong with you two?”

Y/N stood suddenly, and Sam flinched away from her as her chair tipped backward and hit the floor with a bone jarring crash. “Are you kidding me?! What’s wrong with us? What’s wrong with you?” She pointed at Dean angrily, “You’re the one with the huge problem here.” She stomped around the table and stood toe to toe with Dean. “And you were in...my...room.” She emphasized each word with a jab to his chest. “How could you?”

Dean looked over Y/N’s shoulder at Sam with hope that maybe he’d clue him into what was happening.

Sam sighed, “The noises, man...the noises.”

Dean frowned, then his eyes widened as he realized what the problem was. He looked back at Y/N, “Were you listening to me and Cas?”

Y/N’s mouth dropped open as she stumbled around for the words she wanted to say, and she finally cleared her throat, “How could we not be? It’s not like you were being quiet! I wish you had just told me, I would have understood. I would have maybe been a little sad, but this is not how I wanted to find out. And I have to ask again, why my room? You have your own room!”

Dean looked at her for a moment, his green eyes sparkling in the dim light of the lamp, and then burst out laughing. He laughed hard, so hard that he had to put his hands on his knees and try to catch his breath. Y/N glared at him, “Why are you laughing at me?”

“Hahaha….because you think….me and Cas...whooo….you think…” He waved one hand vaguely at Y/N and wiped tears from his eyes with the other. “Come on, I need to show you something.” He held his hand out and Y/N looked at it suspiciously.

“What are you doing?”

Dean wiggled his fingers, “Just take my hand and close your eyes. I promise you’ll understand once I show you.”

“I don’t know that I trust you.” She cautiously let him grab her hand and lead her back to their rooms.

“It’s not...Y/N, just close your eyes, okay?” They made their way slowly down the hall, and Dean stopped her just as they got to her room. “Okay, no peeking. You promise?”

“I promise,” Y/N huffed out, her eyebrows still knitted in concern.

Dean pushed open her door and led her inside, then turned her so that she was facing the desk that he and Cas had been working on. “Okay, now open your eyes.” Y/N did as he said and gasped as soon as she saw the new desk sitting where her old, flimsy table once sat.

“Where did you get that?”

Dean grinned proudly, “IKEA. Cas and I put it together. And, we only have three extra pieces that don’t look important, so you should be good to go. Do you like it?”

Y/N nodded enthusiastically, “I love it! But...why did you do that? You didn’t have to…”

“I know I didn’t have to.” Dean reached down and grabbed Y/N’s hand. “But you needed a desk and I, umm...I wanted you to have something nice. Something new...just for you.”

Y/N turned to face Dean, her eyes searching his hopefully, “Is this...is this more than just wanting me to have a nice, new desk?”

Dean smiled, “Yea, a little bit more than that.” His free hand moved to her hip and pulled her closer to him. “It’s definitely a little bit more than that.”

“You could have mentioned it before I thought you were having a lurid affair with Cas.”

Dean leaned forward and let his lips brush against Y/N’s, “I wasn’t aware that building an IKEA desk was code for banging my best friend.”

Y/N smiled against Dean’s lips as she let her fingertips dip gently into his front pockets and felt his hips shift into her, “You didn’t hear the sounds from the other side of the door.”

Dean pressed his lips against Y/N’s, softly at first, but then with more force when she gripped the front of his flannel tightly. He wrapped one arm tightly around her waist and buried his free hand in her hair, his fingers tangled as he tugged it gently and coaxed a moan from her. “How ‘bout we make some of those sounds ourselves?” Y/N moved her leg back and kicked the door shut, and Dean laughed. “I guess that means you like your desk?

Y/N looked up at him and smiled, “You could say that.”

Forever Tags: @trexrambling @pinknerdpanda  @wheresthekillswitch @emilywritesaboutdean @arryn-nyxx @emptywithout @escabell @charliebradbury1104 @jarpadandjensenaremyheroes  @deanssweetheart23  @canadianjelly @super-not-naturall @aubreyreadsstuff @dean-winchesters-baby @melissaj616 @fandomismyspiritanimal @keepcalmandcarryondean @assbutt-still-in-hell @owllover123 @rosie-winchester @amionthetumbler @duubaduu  @goldenolaf25 @authoressskr @nanie5 @mrssamfuckingwinchester @zincomms @kathaswings @crazynerdandproud @barbedwireandbubblegum @sandlee44 @boxywrites @justanotherdeangirl

Dean Only: @lavieenlex @akshi8278  @valkyrieslament  @highonpastries

[oskarwing]

Video Game curse

Sam sighed and rolled his eyes. “Could you turn the game quiet please, Dean?” Sam asks. “You don’t have to play it that loudly...”

“I’m not playing! I am doing research.” It was their new case. So much weirdness was almost too much even for them.

A girl witnessed her brother getting killed by a creature looking a lot like Bowser from Super Mario, a group of friends got attacked by Trevor from GTA five, one died the other two are still in the hospital, a boy was beaten up by Nathan Drake... everything seemed to be about video games. They called Charlie to use her expertise on the topic to see if there were any connections between the characters, but seemingly there wasn’t really.

Sam sighed and looked through the files they already had. It wasn’t much but at least the victims were seemingly connected. They were all big nerds loving the Games they got attacked by.

And now Dean uses the case as an excuse to play Pokemon Alpha Saphir on the Nintendo 3 DS.

“Yeah show ‘em!” Dean shouts. Sam looks over his shoulder. “You named it ‘Cas’?” He asks his brother amused.

“Shutup, it has the same color as his eyes.” Dean mumbles, face flushing red.

“Yeah, it’s blue, but I don’t see any other similarities...” Sam looked at the Pokemon that was seemingly a Mudkip. “Dean... come on, we have to get going, you know we wanted to talk to the boyfriend of the guy that got beaten up by that climbing-guy... Nathan... the boyfriend's name is Steve Davidson.”

Dean sighs and closes the DS. “Okay. Let’s go to the guy.”

“So you are saying that Thomas was totally into that Nathan Drake Game?” Dean asks. That fits with the other guys. 

“Yeah... Tommy... he always loved Uncharted. Just like Dennis, they used to talk about it a lot... but Dennis also loved the old retro stuff you know...” Steve says the poor kid has red-rimmed eyes, probably cried a lot, since his boyfriend still didn’t wake out of the coma.

“Wait, Mandy’s brother... they were friends? We didn’t get that impression after our interview with Mandy and her parents.” Sam says raising his eyebrow.

The boy laughs sarcastically. “Yeah, I bet. They didn’t like Tommy that much...”

“Really? Why’s that?” Dean says leaning forward a bit.

“Why? Why the fuck do you think, agent? ‘cause he’s gay, obviously. They didn’t want their precious son to have contact with a guy like that... they damn religious... like ‘God doesn’t like fun’-religious, like most of the town... Tommy and I wanted to move because of that. Especially after the fire...” The guy stops and looks on the ground.

“Fire?” Sam asks.  

“N-nothing...” He stands up. “I shouldn’t talk about this... please go now.”

“Well, that was weird...” Dean says as he sits down in the Impala. “What kinda fire did Steve mean, no one else mentioned any fire...”

Sam nods. “But I’m guessing that it was recent if it had any influence on Tommy’s and Steve’s decision to move. We should definitely look into this.”

“Soon,” Dean says and puts his hand on his stomach. “Now I am hungry. Let’s find a good Diner...”

They are waiting to get their orders, both of their gazes locked onto screens. Sammy’s on his laptop, researching the fire and Dean’s on the 3DS, he has to fight an Arena Boss soon and his Pokemon need some training.

“Dean! Get this. There really was a fire in town only a few months ago and guess where.” Sam says with a smug smile, that Dean doesn’t see because he’s still playing.

“Dunno.” Dean feels ready to get into the Arena now. Or should he wait? He doesn’t want his Pokemon to die again...

“In a video game store, doesn’t that fit a bit too well with this very video game themed murders?”

“Maybe... a bit.” Dean looks up from the DS, just to look down again.

“Dean. Focus!” “I am focused...” “Then put that thing away...” “Just one sec...” “Dean!”

The blonde waitress interrupts their quarrel. “Gentlemen. Your order...” Then she spots Dean’s DS. “Sir. Honestly, in your free time you can do whatever you want... but in our establishment, we don’t need games of the devil.” She says.

“Excuse me, ma’am?” Dean looks up. What has the waitress against his DS.

“We believe in the lord and do not encourage any kind of devilish behavior...” The waitress says and goes away.

Dean puts his DS away with a bit of a pout. “Don’t get what’s devilish about my poor Game...”

“Maybe the hypnotic impact it has on you...” Sam says and starts eating. “What I wanted to say is that during that fire three people died. Two customers and the owner...”

“So you’re saying... vengeful spirit?” Dean asks.

This time Dean sees Sam’s grin and rolls his eyes. “Let’s check it out.”

The video game store is burned down completely. Dean looks at it. “Well, I’m guessing we won’t find anything useful here.”

“Nope...” Sam sighs nothing here. “Completely burned down.”

“And that’s good if you ask me!” An elderly man behind them says loudly. “Our priest is right. The stuff that this devil sold...” The man’s face twists in disgust as he shakes his head. “It’s good that he burns in hell now that bastard... tries to get our youth...” The man spits out and walks away. 

“Well, have a nice day too...” Dean says, looking at Sam who seems just as irritated.

“I guess this town just has something against Games... I mean first the waitress, now that guy...” Dean raises an eyebrow. “Almost seems like the video game characters are trying to get revenge...”

Sam looks at his brother thoughtfully. “What if... there was another part of the article... apparently the cause of the fire wasn’t clear... the police looked into it... but dropped it after a few weeks. Because ‘there was no reason to believe that the cause was malicious arson’ one policewoman even got fired because she didn’t stop nagging.” 

Dean grins. “Huh... and that guy just talked about a priest... so...”

“I’ll take the policewoman,” Sam says fast, not wanting his brother to get all of the fun.

“Aw come on... I don’t wanna talk with a stuck-up priest...”

Dean hates Sam, hates his stupid puppy dog eyes and how he always gets through with the stuff he wants.

He looks around in the church the only one in the small town. It’s not very big but there are a lot of people sitting around and preying. All of them are eyeing him strangely.

He eyes the pictures of the saints, all of them seem to look at him judgingly.

“Can I help you?” Dean looks at the small priest. “Yes... uh, are you the priest here? I’m Agent Chinaski, do you know a place where I we could talk, privately?” The priest shakes his head and looks at him sternly. “I have no secrets in front of my sheep.” He says and Dean sighs.

“We are looking into the things that recently happened in the last few weeks.” Dean starts and the priest nods. “Tragic... all of them... I wished I got to save them...”

Dean raises an eyebrow. “Save?” The priest nods. “Yes... they were all involved in those awful, awful games...” “You mean the video games, right?” Some of the people start to whisper horrified. “Yes. They capture the youth, devilish, devilish things...” The priest's eyes narrow. “You are not... also a victim of them... are you young man?”

 “Me? No... no. I don’t... have the time. Being an Agent and all...” Dean smiles.

“Realy... Agent Chinaski... don’t you know that lying is a sin?” The priest asks and Dean feels the warm breath in his neck. He turns around... Behind him stands a big blue monster... a tall monstrous version of the Mudkip he named after Cas. 

Before Dean can say anything it attacks.

The visit at officer Bell’s hadn’t got Sam very far. The only thing he now knew was that the local priest seemed to have a personal grudge against video games and that he often rambled on about it in his services, something Sam had already figured and Dean probably knows more about it anyway, since he got to visit the priest himself.

Where is Dean anyway? Sam tries to phone him for the sixth time but no one is answering. Is he still at the church? Sam decides to go to the church himself.

It’s a short walk from the motel to the church and Sam has a bad feeling... Dean would have answered him long ago.

Dean runs for his life. The damn monster close behind him. He can hear the loud THUNK! THUNK! of its feet.

Dean is constantly slipping in puddles of water the Mudkip leaves.

Dean doesn’t even notice where he is running to. The Mudkip chases him into a forest and soon Dean stumbles over a wet root.

When he looks up the Mudkip is over him.

“MY DEAR SHEEP! THE SINNER WILL SOON BE WIPED FROM THIS EARTH. HE AND ALL THE OTHER SINNERS WE HAD TO SACRIFICE FOR GOD WILL BURN IN HELL!”

Sam has a bad feeling that Dean is the ‘Sinner’.He listens anxiously the service that the man is holding in there. People are cheering loudly at the idea of people burning in hell, yet another clue on how brainwashed the town looks up.

He looks around there is a small barn just behind the church... it looks very new. Sam goes and opens the door.

Dean is drowning. Drowning in water from a freaking Pokemon... that is looking down on him.

He’s trying hard to catch his breath again, but there is no way, his lungs are full of water... he looks up into the eyes of the Mudkip.

Eyes that suddenly don’t seem like those of a video game monster at all. They look like Cas’...

In the barn, the smell of fresh wood mixes with the ones of different herbs. There's a plan on one wall, a plan on how to burn the video game place with exactly three people in it. Sam looks over at a small table in front of him. On it lays a book... seemingly... magic.

Sam reads the first page.

When three sinners burn in the place of their sins, use their ashes to bind their souls, then they will clear the earth from the rest of the sinners...

Sam looks over on a small altar is a bowl with ash and some herbs... and oh god... Dean’s name is written with blood all over the altar. Sam wipes it fastly from the altar, hoping it will help Dean. Then he looks at the rest. He decides to just knock over the altar and hopes that is enough for the spirits to get freed. He calls officer Bell and tells her that he has found evidence that he has found evidence that the priest was involved in the fire. 

Now he needs to find Dean.

“Dean! Dean, wake up... wake up...” Someone is clapping his cheeks.

Dean blinks fast and looks into his brother's eyes. He coughs loudly and tries to sit up.

“Easy there... easy...” Sam says when he slips down again. “Damn... what happened.” 

“Cas... Cas tried to kill me...” Dean mumbles and coughs.

“Cas...?” Sam is really worried now. “Cas is not here, Dean...” 

“Not that Cas... the other one the... Pokemon...” Dean sighs and coughs loudly again. “Dude... let’s get out of this town...”

Sam doesn’t object.