#I want to know about the soul. about human social experience. I don't give a shit about serotonin or norepinephrine

[neverendingford]

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[lostinvasileios]

Hii I wanted to ask you about Apollo because lately I have felt some sort of connection but I haven't seen the obvious signs. I got into paganism for this feeling I have and it has felt right but I'm still not sure, it would be nice to know if he is reaching out or wants to work with me. I would also love some advice because I'm a complete beginner. Thank you for your time and have a great day ☀️

Hello, lovebee! Thank you for asking! 🤍🪻

So, firstly, you don't need any blatant, big, grand, sparkly lit up sign(s) from a deity to attempt to get close with them, if that makes sense. It's super, super important to realize that your feelings/instincts will tell you a lot when it comes to your deity work. I want you to know is that if it feels right, if it feels safe - (and, sometimes, it won't feel safe. And that's almost always because, as humans, we tend to fear the unknown a lot. And stepping into new deities, into a spiritual path, ect, is unknown regardless of how much studying or whatever you've done beforehand. But! Fear and excitement can feel the exact same. One thing that you're gonna do a lot is take that leap of fear, and come out on the other side feeling that thrill of relief of not letting it consume you.) - and if it gives you those happy feelings in all of the various forms that they can come in, it's almost a definite truth for your path. Does that make sense?

When it comes to deities, I often overlooked the connection I had with them when I was first starting out because I thought, well, it was "just a feeling", but, I've come to learn that a huge part of deity work IS feeling!

The only reason I started to work with Apollon at first was because I felt some sort of - draw to him. He, along with a lot of (if not all of them) deities often will send an emotion, a constant-like thought of them or things connected to them, ect as a way to tell you how they want your company/to work with you.

For example, even before I started working with deities myself but was aware of their existences, I had this persistent (and I mean persistent) thought of Asmodeus. His name repeating in my head, feeling some form of butterflies at the thought of him, ect. But it took me months into my journey to begin to even question if he'd like to be around me in any capacity. And, funnily enough, it turns out he's one of my soul spouses.

(Of course, not every deity you feel drawn to is spoused to your soul, just to clarify!)

Apollon is a very, very social deity. He loves getting new devotees, he loves helping people, ect. Actually, he helped me through the first year or so of my journey.

Now, the relationship I have with him won't be like yours, since, if you weren't aware: everyone's interactions with deities will be different based off of countless things, but one of the major (if not the major) key points being because of the different souls. So, take this next part with a grain of salt.

From my experience with him, he's a very tender god. He's a very loving, considerate, patient, and - lords, I could mush about him endlessly. He's the type of lord that will kiss away your tears and ease your worries. You can be as repetitive as you like with your fears and doubts, and he'll be right there with you through it all to reassure you of any and everything.

But, of course, he also does have his more - firmer sides to him. He is a god of rage, amongst all his other things. Now, he's never yelled at me, punished me, ect. But, he has made his... Stance? On certain things very clear to me. When we first started working together, I had very... Bad habits. I was not nice to myself, emotionally, mentally, or physically. At all, really.

I was very harmful to myself. And lived in a very toxic environment. And, yes, Apollon being the sweetheart he is, accompanied me and wrapped bandages around my wounds, but, at the same time, he'd give me those stern (yet loving) talks about how I shouldn't inflict them on myself, how I shouldn't worsen the pain I was already going through by allowing myself to use the same weapons my parents, friends, ect would use on me, on myself.

To work with him, or any deities in my opinion, you have to be open to... Well... Change. And, that was drastically hard for me at first. But, the thing is, Apollon is a god of light and truth, as well. And some things that come with that are the light he'll shine on things you've pushed to the shadows, and the pain that'll come with having to face the truths of your reality.

Don't worry too much, however. That most likely won't happen until sometime into your journey with him. And, it'll be in your best interest whenever it does happen. Healing hurts, and he also rules in healing. He will re-open some of your deepest scars, but he does it to properly treat them and stitch them up himself. Not just the self-taught, shaky way that they were closed up before. If that makes sense, haha.

Also! Don't be afraid to get close with him when/if you two start working together. I've found out that he particularly enjoys being able to participate in some cliche's. Like having nick/petnames for one another, allowing him to listen to your ranting or vents, telling him small things about yourself (favorite colors, plants, ect), and so on.

A lot of the time, I see people who want so badly to get close with their deities, but are too afraid or unsure how to. All in all, it does depend on your form of love and what you're comfortable with. What you're able to do. But, it can be as simple as eating something in devotion for them. Thinking of them. Making them a small, or big, playlist. A pinterest board, ect ect. You can trust yourself to find ways to help feel closer to your deities, you can trust yourself.

And, no, you don't need a job to worship or get close to a god either.

(It's also very important to establish your boundaries, not that deities intentionally try to make you uncomfortable/to trigger you! It's just, you want to have some ground basics put down first, then maybe you'll learn some more along the way... Basically - communication. Very important, lol.)

Sorry I yapped as much as I did here, I hope it helped clear some things up for you, honey! May Apollon give you his loving rays.

[alexrosekey]

Hermione-centric and HP World Building Expansion edition

A late entry from me. Beware that this list is based on my personal preference. If you don't like the ships, remember the rule - don't like don't read. Ship and let ship!

That being said, it has been a while since the last time I've come up with a rec list. But reccing great fanfics has remained one of my greatest passion. Having decided to fully integrated myself into the Harry Potter fandom again, I'm amazed at how creative and talented the authors of this fandom are. There are a plethora of interesting ideas and premises, with various themes and genres along with inquisitive, thoughtful observation regarding the characters and the world building of Harry Potter.

Without further ado, let's dive in to my submission for today's @hprecfest prompt: fics with over 100k+ words. All the fics below are Hermione-centric (one less than the other two but still), with amazing social commentaries on the HP world and impeccable observation on the magical world, which to me are the best aspect of HP fic.

unsphere the stars by @cocoartistwrites (M, 222,827, Hermione Granger/Tom Riddle)

When you can't change time, but you can't go forward, what is left? Hermione learns how to be the protagonist of her own story.

To quote one of the bookmarks: Hermione is more than she ever was. This story is a journey of Hermione to grow, to love and to explore magic and its beauty more than she could ever be. Don't let the pairing deter you, this is no doubt one of the most memorable fanfic reading experience I have in my years of being in fandoms. Hermione and Tom are both portrayed spectacularly and thoughtfully, and the prose are some of the most poetic I've ever seen.

To sum up the whole of my reading experience, I laid on my bed and stared at the ceiling for 30 mins after reading the last chapter, completely shell-shocked.

All I could say is, if you want an astounding character arc for Hermione, with in-depth magical system and immersive world building, plus interesting OCs and breathtaking writing, then this fic is definitely for you!

*This fic could also be placed under the prompt of Day 7: A Canon-Compliant Fic.

2. What's Past is Prologue by ABitofWit (E, 244,611, Hermione Granger/Lucius Malfoy)

It's eight years after the war and Hermione Granger has taken a break from her career at the Ministry of Magic to compile an oral history of the conflict. She's interviewed just about everyone she can get her hands on but she wants to be thorough. And that means getting in contact with a very unwilling Lucius Malfoy.

Listen, I know the pairing is weird as fuck. I know, I had my doubt too before reading it. But the raving bookmarks convinced me to give this a chance. And boy, it was one of the best decisions I've ever made.

This fic is more than just a ship fic, it's about love and what we would do for it, the greyness of life and choices, of redemption and finding one's self worth outside of pre-existing, archaic ideas and values. It's about change and how we're never too old to learn. WPIP is everything I've ever wanted in a fic, emotional, sincere, humorous, gorgeous, sexy, steamy and sweet. Full of heart and soul.

Most of all, the development of and between Hermione and Lucius is so natural and makes a lot of sense, without them being OOC. This fic reminds me that Hermione is not at all flawless (the opposite of the usual Mary-Sue, little-miss-perfect trope that Hermione tends to be portrayed in fics), while successfully humanizes and makes Lucius Malfoy one of the most interesting HP characters in my eyes. (Who would have thought that I've spent years not giving a jot about this guy, only to fall in love with such a mess of a man like him??)

Combine with sharp commentaries and observations on the British Wizarding World, Wizarding politics and a not-canon folder supporting cast, this is no doubt one of the best HP fic, and one of the best fanfic I've ever had the pleasure to read.

*This fic could also be placed under the prompt of Day 2: A Comfort Fic and Day 9: A Rare Pair Fic.

3. Six Pomegranate Seeds by Seselt (E, 185,965, no pairing but implied Theodore Nott/Hermione Granger)

At the end, something happened. Hermione clutches at one fraying thread, uncertain whether she is Arachne or Persephone. What she does know is that she will keep fighting to protect her friends even if she must walk a dark path.

Sooo, this is one very weird fic. One of the oddest fics I've ever encoutered, in fact. I've read it twice, one before I read the book series in full, one after I've finished the books. And let me tell you, SPS is a stunning work.

The odd, floating third-person POV, the dry and sharp, straightforward tone of Hermione. Her competency, her compassion despite all the pain and the emotional repression. This is definitely not your usual time travel fix-it fic.

Most of Hermione's work happened in tandem with the 7 books' main storyline. Hermione's soul is put into the body of a young orphan Pureblood heiress. This gives the fic one of the most interesting spin on the Hermione-is-a-pureblood trope.

Through Hermione, we have a closer look into the background and the context of the main events of the books, plus a deeper understanding of the Pureblood society and a much more sympathetic view into the students Slytherin house. All without whitewashing and offsetting the corruption and the effects of the Purebloods and the Slytherins' stuffy, archaic views on not only the young generation of students but also the British Wizarding world.

I lost count of the amount of time I slapped my knees while reading this work the second time whenever I encountered a particularly sharp line of thought/commentary from Hermione in this fic. I'm also amazed at how much work and research the author has put into SPS, particularly in terms of making up tons of new magical theories and the use of exotic and lesser known vocabulary (seriously, if you decide to read this one, prepare a dictionary next to you, or get ready to regularly stop mid reading in order to look up certain words 😆)

*This fic could also be placed under the prompt of Day 7: A Canon-Compliant Fic.

That being said, thank you for checking out my list! Thank the admins of @hprecfest for holding such a fun activity. Feel free to join in yourself. Happy reading 💋

Day 16: A fic that made you laughed

Day 19: Fic with the hottest smut

Day 22: An unfinished fic (hasn't updated in 10 years or the author stated it has been abandoned)

Day 26: A fic with an ending you can't stop thinking about

[talesofsonicasura]

Persona 5: Phantom Cat Pt2

Here we go with Part 2 of the Phantom Cat AU. I'll be covering the Confidants, plot changes, but also the potential of Poppy Playtime being more involved. Let's get started.

If I can sum up the Phantom Thieves' relationship with Joker in one word, it'll be protective. Even the Personas especially Arsène are no different. Ren does admit to once being human but everyone doesn't learn about his tragic backstory until after Okumura's Palace.

You can bet their ass they were disgusted upon finding out Playtime Co's inhumane experiments. It isn't uncommon for Ren to find one or more of his companions lay against him when he loafs around like a giant cat. Something the Thieves' Den makes easier as Leblanc's attic is not that spacious.

Morgana sympathizes with Ren the most. Both of them aren't human and won't be accepted by the outside world for it. Ren was lucky to find someone who raised him with kindness than just free the young man from a terrible fate. They're feline brothers, your honor.

Ryuji, Yusuke and Haru are three flavors of food friends. The former track star sneaking out for a daily run with Ren alongside the occasional ramen or snack food chow downs. His zoomies become manageable thanks to Ryuji. (Sojiro is still reeling from a hyper Ren pouncing on him.)

Yusuke enthusiastically introduces the living toy to the art world since he cannot visit a museum like a normal patron. Ren sometimes find himself being a muse for some of his paintings and usually portrayed as a peculiar enigma. The two always chow down on curry afterwards.

Gardening with Haru anyone? Ren always feel bad about how much money his new family have to spend just to keep him fed. (Futaba had a limit put on credit theft by Sojiro as he doesn't want both his kids to rely on illegal crime to survive.) Something Haru can understand since she has similar issues. The two bond over coffee together.

Emotional support Ann is a definite. The two constantly talk about facing their issues and ways to strengthen their heart. Ren is always happy to lend a ear whenever Ann has problems in her model career or updates about her friend Shiho's recovery. She gives good advice when the giant toy needs help getting Futaba used to the outside world.

Makoto is the socially awkward training partner. Both Ren and her don't have much experience with people outside their friend group so neither know what can be considered normal. The two hammer out each other's issues whenever possible or just vibe together.

All of the Persona in the group do their best to make Ren feel normal every time the group is together thus shenanigans are guaranteed. Carmen and Milady are the wine aunts who endorse the chaos. Necronomicon is his 2nd fellow prankster partner(Futaba is 1st).

Zorro, Johanna and Goemon being the only responsible adults most of the time. Captain Kidd is a sheer chaotic neutral as no one knows whether he'll start something or remain level headed. Finally we get to Arsène.

The poor pigeon hasn't been in this particular element before. Nonhuman Persona Users are a thing so it ain't that. Ren's heart can be considered a massive mess. Whatever was done to make him a living toy, it left something vile behind. Yet Ren continues to defy fate even with the leech latched onto his soul.

Thus Arsène can be a bit more aggressive when it comes to Ren's health. Always near the surface of his partner's subconscious whether to offer soothing words or protect him if needed. In the Thieves' Den, Arsène is usually found snuggled next to Ren with a cover around his knife heels.

Now most of Joker's Confidants are people he has to sought out. A more complicated affair due to not being human. There is actually one more Confidant he has mostly maxxed out and knows about his status: Tae Takami of the Death Arcana. (Yes I absolutely complete the whole thing early just to unlock Alice.)

Sojiro was concerned about Ren's health as they had no clue if or when health complications will occur. Thus it led to Tae becoming his secret doctor as she not only the closest but is trusted amongst the community for her skills. It was a very interesting conversation to say the least.

Now Ren is quite crafty when it comes to establishing his other bonds. Until he could shift into a more human size, Futaba prepared a special plushie with a built in-camera that he can talk through. The excuse being Ren is an hospital patient undergoing recovery after serious health complications and this toy helps him interact with the outside world.

Now onto plot changes, the deadlines alongside their consequences for failure remain the same. It's just not for the first two Palaces. Ren is still captured and put in the Interrogation section. Although it took the traitor attacking from the shadows to injure him enough for police to subdue the Bigger Body.

He's far more beat up, chained and has a specialized muzzle since Ren is a giant chloroform breathing cat toy monster. Can't forget the possibile dissection if he can't escape his fate. The plot for the Third Semester dances around the chance to be human again in his face. Ren doesn't take it of course.

For Scramble, he casually chills in everyone's bags and pull the special patient card to converse with others. Ren can still cook as it's a calming hobby for him alongside gardening. Plus the sight of a giant CatNap in an apron cooking was too hard to resist.

Also yes, I am in the 'Adopt Sophia' group cause she's precious. Especially when Ryuji got to say fuck just to defend her. Sophia definitely calls Ren 'kitty' but he really doesn't mind unlike Morgana. Yes, they do snuggle in the Thieves Den as no one shall avoid the cuddle pile.

Awkward dad Zenkichi anyone? Man absolutely flipped upon seeing Ren as he thought the whole report about 'Phantom Cat Joker' being a giant purple monster was a joke. Nope and you shall get your tired ass dragged into cuddles cause Ren smells stress.

The Persona also get more involved in the shenanigans too. Only Ren's confidants or those who delve into the Metaverse long enough can see much less interact with them. Best to keep Captain Kidd away from fireworks though. (There are special cases but that's for later.)

Before you ask, yes, Joker's main Showtime special is different. Instead of just blasting Shadows with Eiha, Ren breathes out chloroform smokescreen and bursts forth alongside Arséne to come down on their targets like a predator. The attack retains the Curse element but does Physical damage too. A Two in One type combo.

Tactica's plot remains the same however every target views Ren with disgust. All saying there is an 'chimeric abomination' latched onto his heart. The enemies also target him more than Erina and the other thieves.

Speaking of her, she does think Ren is a cat who again doesn't really mind much. Toshiro absolutely freaks out and takes awhile to get used to him. Gameplay wise, Ren is mostly the same except he has more movement options to fit his feline Bigger Body.

Pouncing on further away enemies, inflict Sleep status in large groups, and his Phantom Judge special turns into Phantom Roar. An attack where Ren breathes out a massive cloud of chloroform for Arséne to convert into a Eiha powered explosion. Not only does it do massive damage but also has a high chance of inflicting Sleep status on targets.

Finally we move onto Poppy Playtime. If you guys were paying close attention, then the signs should be obvious. Something is connected to Ren and his past holds the answers. Thus the Phantom Thieves of Hearts visit the Playtime Co Factory to see if they can help their friend. He had been experiencing vivid nightmares which all link to this place.

Now the factory isn't the same like in the game. For unknown reasons, the place has become a pseudo-Mementos linked to the collective consciousness of the various souls who linger inside. Thus the factory has potential to shift anyone in the affected areas in or out the Metaverse side without warning.

A chance of Shadow attacks are not only high but there is a possibility that something even deadlier lurks inside. There are occasions where it is required to travel through this dangerous 'Labyrinth' to progress deeper. (Can't have them blazing through the place.)

Everyone split into two groups so they can cover more ground. Group 1: Ren, Yusuke, Ann, Makoto; and Group 2: Morgana, Haru, Ryuji, Futaba. They'll be encountering characters who not only appear in Poppy Playtime but also Project Playtime. Player character is there too so the Phantom Thieves will meet them.

Guaranteed canon divergence as some of the Poppy Playtime cast might not even encounter the game protagonist. The Phantom Thieves won't ignore someone in need *looks at one particular character* and don't kill their targets. For them, living with guilt for one own sins is a fate worse than death.

New players have entered the game that neither groups could ever foreseen. Can the Phantom Thieves of Hearts solve the mystery and shut down this the factory's immense distortion? Only the phantom cat will determine victory or defeat.

[xerith-42]

There is no normal to return to.

I'm going to return to normal, or as normal as I usually am on this blog. But that won't stop me from talking about this. I have quite a few reblogs and posts queued up to give some important thoughts I had while I was away in regards to... my usual content. But I also still have plenty of posts about Palestine and the ongoing situation, and I'll be doing everything I can to stagger updates on the funny haha block man stuff, and the actually serious stuff.

If there's another strike called for, I will likely participate in it. Maybe this means my content will be inconsistent and kinda... bursty I guess? But I'll take the hit to my usual stuff and just spend more time on it if I have to. I had fun over the winter break, but life is picking back up anyways. I'm not really returning to normal, I'm shifting to a new normal. And talking about this conflict and the ongoing situation will become part of this new normal for as long as it has to.

I was honored to see the kind of reach my words could have, and I appreciated the amount of people who engaged with my content for possibly the first and last time. Depends on if I have more wildly intense thesis' about the situation to share (I probably will). There's always a part of me that wants to resist "getting too political" but then I remember I'm a dyed hair multi pronouned genderfuck with revolutionary ideas like "people should just get to live their lives however they want without the threat of violence, oppression, or actual genocide." Just some crazy wokeist ideology that totally doesn't bleed out from my creative works at all.

Because my experiences with fiction and the real world don't influence each other at all. Not even a little.

I've had quite a few social media accounts become pretty politicized or even start that way unintentionally, mostly because I started social media accounts centered around art. And all art is political. All art is personal. All art is influenced by politics and by people. That's how art always has and always will exist. So I really shouldn't be surprised this would happen when I got onto Tumblr.

I don't mean to suddenly bear my soul and go on some vague esoteric rant about my state of existence in a system of systems designed to harm me placed onto one of many infinite planets capable of creating life in our ever expansive universe, but that's just how I am. That's just how humans are. My spaces are always going to become political because I as a person am politicized. Our world is politicized. We are politicized from the moment of our inception. From the moment that someone becomes aware of our life the decisions made about it are endlessly wrapped up in the collective of politics even if we are but one measly part of that greater or worse collective.

Even something as seemingly unimportant as Minecraft Roleplays are deeply personal and political pieces of art and unique life shaping experiences. Never let someone tell you that you're being "too political" because in our endlessly politicized world, that's like telling someone that they're being "too human". It's not annoying to care. It's not too political to care.

TLDR: Art is political, everything is political, and even if you plan on "returning to normal", know that you should instead adjust what you define as "normal" to include pertinent issues and be ready to adapt to it. People want you to believe that disruptions won't work, but money and numbers talk. Disruptions to core systems of the western society work. Never underestimate that. Maybe you couldn't do a lot for this one, but keep your eyes out for the next one. Set aside a few bucks to donate. Read some of the reports about the ongoing conflict from ethical sources unafraid to speak to the real atrocities. Even little things can add up.

[excelsi-or]

summoned (pt. 10)

hi everyone! thoughts on God of Music??? I finally listened to it over the weekend (still have to listen to the mini album). Maybe it's just me or maybe i'm just into different music these days, but it was not my cup of tea. it felt too cookie cutter for me? the meaning was sweet and the visuals were vibrant. loved the saturation of the video. naturally they all looked great. and i loved getting to see coups' parts. but overall? i was underwhelmed by the song. shall listen to the whole mini album before i post again. then we'll see. BIPOC rec (been a while since i've done one of these): Portrait of a Thief - Grace D. Li. A book about art, art heists, colonialism of Western museums, experience as children of immigrants. For a debut novel, I was pleasantly impressed. Was a bit disappointed, but overall, a good read.

pairing: woozi x fem!reader/fem!OC

w.c. 3.7k (a bit longer than the past parts, just because I didn't really wanna break these sections up)

part 1 | part 2 | part 3 | part 4 | part 5 | part 6 | part 7 | part 8 | part 9

"You're going to have to talk to them alone," Jihoon says when they pull up to the first house. "Because if it's a demon—"

"Okay, but we need a real game plan now," she says. "Because what are we trying to do?"

Jihoon taps his fingers on the steering wheel. "We obviously know what they're trying to do, but how are they trying to do it? What's the purpose of going through humans and dumping their bodies?"

"My guess was create as much havoc as possible without drawing attention from the angels."

"Confirm it."

She frowns but decides this isn't the hill to die on. She climbs out of the car, but Jihoon quickly leans across the gear shift so he can meet her eye.

"Scream if they try to possess you or kill you."

"And you'll come running?" She slams the door closed. She looks both ways before crossing the street, because dying from a car accident on her way to ask a potential demon what the fuck he's doing is not how she wants to go out.

She glances down at her outfit, realizes who she can pretend to be, and pulls her phone out. Luckily, this is also the bag with her tiny sketchbook in it, so she takes that out too. When she knocks at the door, she has a cover story ready.

The person who opens the door is the person they're looking for: Rhett Palmater, gang member.

Well, ex-gang member. She'd had time to do a brief social media search, scrolling and reading posts prior to his hospital stay. They show an ex-gang member trying to turn his life around. Until he got shot. And wound up in his mother's care.

"Hi, are you Rhett Palmater?"

The man gives her a once over. When his gaze meets hers, she knows. There's a demon in there. His pupils have either dilated so much that they've completely overtaken his irises, or possession changes eye colour. His eyes almost feel hollow.

"I am."

Voice sounds normal enough.

She makes up a name and tells him she's a journalist. "I'm doing a story on gang members who are interested in leaving the gang life. I was just wondering if you would be willing to chat about your story." When he doesn't respond immediately, she adds, "I wouldn't name you, of course. I know you were in the hospital recently."

Rhett gives her a slow once over. This would have been unsettling in and of itself. However, knowing there's a demon possessing this man's soul, she feels even more discomforted. Her mother's words ring in her head. 

Stand straight, be powerful. There aren't any other humans with angel-demon blood running through them. She can feel her mother straightening her spine. Don't let them in.

At that last statement from her mother, she thinks of Jihoon. Who she had definitely let into her head, even if it was just to ease her suffering.

"You came alone?" Rhett asks. His eyes go out to the street over her head.

She nods.

The way his lip curls sends a shiver down her spine. "Come in."

Jihoon watches the human disappear into the home. When the door shuts, Jihoon frowns. He is suddenly feeling very antsy about her going in alone. He hesitates, worried about getting caught. Resigned, he gets out and walks across the street. Sneaking around the side of the house, he tries to find a window he can see into.

The first few windows look into a relatively empty living room. They don't seem to be there.

However, he notices a faint smoke trail on the floor, floating out from another doorway. But he can't get too far, because he's met with a gate.

Experience tells him that this gate will be noisy. Experience also tells him that there will likely be a dog on the other side that he'll need to placate. Jihoon soundlessly scales the gate and peers over the edge. Sure enough, there's a dog staring up at him. It's a black dog, medium-sized. Jihoon's bad at differentiating between dog breeds, but black dog and unlikely to maul or attack him are the only things he really needs to know.

The dog is quiet, ears back. Jihoon swears is shaking.

This dog is not going to attack, but it may definitely start barking. Jihoon slides down the other side and squats in front of the dog, one hand out to it.

Jihoon tries to keep his voice gentle and non-threatening. He lets the dog decide whether it wants to come to him or not.

It sniffs him out but recoils so quickly, Jihoon realizes what the dog is smelling.

You know I'm a demon.

"Are you scared of your owner in there?" Jihoon whispers. "He's probably really different from what you remember, hmm?"

Jihoon takes the time to talk to the dog for a while, reassuring it that it will be okay. "I need to check on the person your owner let in. Is that okay?"

The dog doesn't know what he's saying, that's obvious, but Jihoon still thinks he should ask for its consent. When the dog simply watches him as he checks a few more windows, Jihoon has made a decision.

The dog trails after him as he moves along the side of the house. Jihoon peers through every window until he finally finds one he can look through that won't get him caught. The human has her back against the wall, which is probably a smart move; the demon across from her.

They each have a glass of water before them, the human also has a notebook in front of her. He wonders what she's asking, because it seems the demon is doing most of the talking.

Is this demon just laying out the Grand Plan? That would make his life a lot easier if that was the case.

Jihoon feels the dog curl around his feet. It seems to be sleeping; most of the shaking seems to have stopped. He gives the dog a quick pat before straightening up again.

He happens to catch the human's eye. Her gaze darts back to the demon across from her. She nods and jots something down.

Jihoon makes sure the rest of the interaction goes well, and when they start to stand, Jihoon acts on the decision he'd made earlier. He scoops the dog up and hurries to the gate. He launches the dog over the fence, making sure to quickly follow after it. He manages to catch the dog before it hits the ground, and it stares up at him with fearful eyes.

"Sorry, can't scale a gate, race some humans, and carry you. Come on." He sprints across the street, shutting the car door, dog tossed in the back seat, just as the human exits Rhett Palmater's home.

He placates the dog with head pats until she climbs into the car next to him. Her cheeks are red, and her hands are shaking.

"Good?" Jihoon asks. He scans over her, making sure she hasn't been possessed.

"Fine. That was terrifying." She takes a few deep breaths before realizing they aren't alone in the car. "Where did you get a dog?"

"I didn't get a dog. You got a dog."

"Where did you get me a dog?" She twists in her seat and the dog rests its head on the center console between them. When she holds a hand out to it, it nudges its nose against her fingers. She gives it a scratch behind the ears.

"I stole the dog for you."

Her jaw drops. "You stole a dog of an ex-gang member?"

"I stole the dog of an ex-gang member who is now being possessed by a demon for you."

She shakes her head. "This is a lot to process."

"What did you learn? What were you writing in there?"

She relays what had happened from the second she stepped foot into the house. As she does so, she punches in the next patient's address into the GPS.

"How did you even get him to talk about the demon stuff?" Jihoon asks, pulling out of the parking spot. Their new furry acquirement moves to the window and watches the house disappear.

She reaches back a hand to pet the dog. "Why don't you sit and watch the traffic?" she asks the dog. It moves to her side of the car, and she asks Jihoon to crack the window open.

Reluctantly, because he feels stupid for indulging this dog's whims even more, he opens the window a crack.

"Once I got him talking, it was actually pretty easy to ask him anything. What's he going to assume? That I know he's a demon? We started talking about Heaven and Hell. Started talking about the reasons why he wanted to leave the gang. I asked him if it was because he found God."

Jihoon snorts. "What did he say?"

"Started bad-mouthing God, obviously. Asked him if he believed in that kinda stuff. God and the devil and whatnot. He asked me if I really believe the world is so good. I said no, and he went on this passion speech about how the world is tipping to chaos."

"Tipping to chaos," Jihoon echoes.

She nods. "He mentioned that there are servants 'all over the globe'."

"So, it's not isolated here." Jihoon flicks his left turn signal and listens to its rhythmic click as he thinks.

"No, and he also alluded to something big coming. I asked how he knew and if he knew what it was, but he wouldn't speak more on it. Thought I should get out of there before I could show my hand. My questions were getting pretty specific."

Jihoon hums. It was a good call to get out of there. "Something big is coming."

"Yes."

"Nothing in his house to show what that is?"

She shakes her head. "No. He was clearly in the middle of working when I got there."

"Working? On what?"

"No idea." She turns when the dog starts whimpering. "Do you want to come sit here?"

"No, human. He stays back there."

"You can't be allergic to dogs."

"Why can't I be?"

"You're a demon. Does your body even work like a human's?"

"It might."

She rolls her eyes. "Fine." Unbuckling her seatbelt, she grumbles about useless demons. This time, he definitely hears her. Then she's climbing over the gearshift.

"What are you doing?" Jihoon demands. He nudges her butt to help her into the back seat.

"You've kidnapped a terrified dog, and it doesn't even know where we're going or who we are." The dog rests its head in her lap and the whimpering stops. She scratches behind its ears and takes a few deep breaths. "You're going to need a bath when we get home, pup."

"So, the possessed human said that something big is coming, we don't know what."

"Well, let's see if the others will be more forthcoming."

Two of the patients weren't home. Neighbours had told her that one had gotten evicted; the other had moved abroad. Another patient hadn't been seen or heard from in months.

"I called the police, because I was getting worried," The elderly neighbour had said when she'd knocked on their door. "She doesn't have any family members, but I know she was putting herself through school."

She doesn't ask what exactly the elderly woman meant. But she hopes the girl knew that someone was looking out for her.

"We'd made a sort of code. She'd knock on my door in a specific pattern to let me know she was back and safe. I haven't heard the knock in a while, and then she just stopped coming home."

She can guess where the young woman had gone.

She collapses onto her couch. Yawning, she lays onto her side. Both angel and demon are now standing in her living room. Hansol's on his way with a very late dinner. Her new dog, Pup, is curled on the floor next to the couch.

She and Jihoon go back and forth on what it could mean that two of the patients aren't home. They've been at it all day.

"Well, Rhett did say there were servants all over the globe," Jihoon starts.

"You think they've moved to join some sort of cause?"

Seokmin has been watching their conversation volley, impressed at the way they finish each other's thoughts. "Seems you two are getting on well."

She and Jihoon share a look before he begins pacing in front of the TV. She turns to Seokmin. "What did you and Sollie find at Mrs. Han's?"

Before Seokmin can respond, the door opens.

"I've brought food for the supernaturals!" Hansol calls. He joins them in the living room and kneels next to the coffee table. The man has been obsessed with tacos lately for some reason. Despite Jihoon's annoying protests at tacos, she'd told Hansol to buy whatever he was craving.

When he notices Pup on the floor by her feet, Hansol stares a few seconds before saying, "I didn't get any tacos for our new friend."

She scratches Pup behind the ears. Both feel much better now that he's had a bath. "That's okay. We stopped by to grab food for him on the way home."

Hansol doles out the food to his friends, already knowing what they wanted. He looks up at Jihoon. "Figured you'd want something spicy. Being a demon and all." He sets a box on the table with four large Xs on it.

"Does that mean you took all the toppings off?" Jihoon asks as he picks up the box.

She chuckles as she tilts her head to take a bite. "No. It means it's going to literally burn a human mouth."

"Yeah, they triple checked that that is what I asked for on the phone," Hansol says. He falls back on his butt. "I hope it's okay, hyung."

The honorific makes her choke on her taco. "You're going to start being casual with the demon?"

Hansol shrugs. He pulls a tiny piece of meat from his taco and holds it out to Pup. It seems Pup has gotten used to the demon and angel aura, but he clearly prefers the humans. "I need to be nice to the demon, don't I? He can take my soul."

She glances at Jihoon, who is munching quite happily through his first spicy taco. "I don't think this demon wants your soul."

Once everyone's settled and she's brought refreshments to the table, Jihoon asks again what the angel and Hansol found at Mrs. Han's.

"Well, as I was about to say, Hansol said all she had back there was a computer."

"Seokmin hyung got me in through the back alleyway door."

"We were debating just going in there without my distracting her," Seokmin continues. "But I was worried she'd be sat right at the computer."

"Which she was. I caught her leaving just as I pushed the door open. But anyway, while hyung was distracting Mrs. Han, I poked around in the back. There isn't anything back there. It's just a storage room, and she has a computer."

With his mouth full, Jihoon asks what was on the computer.

She waves him off for bad manners, clicking her tongue in annoyance. Jihoon rolls his eyes.

"Well, she was watching a drama."

"Did you click around on the computer?" she asks.

"I snooped, but there didn't seem to be anything of interest on it. But I can't say for sure."

She sighs and turns to Seokmin. "Theories?"

"For the black smoke literally spilling out of her back room? Sollie took photos." He juts his chin in Hansol's direction. "Show them."

"She didn't hear the shutter sound?" she asks, stepping over Pup to sit by Hansol on the floor. Pup scoots forward to rest his head on her leg.

"I downloaded another photo app."

Jihoon moves to stand behind them, careful not to drop any food on the floor in case Pup tries to eat it. "Why?"

"Turning off the shutter sound on the phone's camera is illegal," she explains.

Jihoon's expression can only be described as one of disdain.

"It's made me very aware of people taking creepy pictures of me."

"Then can't everyone do what Hansol did?"

"Sure, but for some reason, they don't."

"Oh-kay," Seokmin butts in. "Hansol, photos."

Hansol holds his phone up so that everyone can see. Then he flicks through very slowly.

"Well, it's obviously coming from the computer," Jihoon states. "Now, I really wish you'd looked at the computer properly."

She swats Jihoon's leg behind her, as she leans against Hansol's arm to get a closer look. "Sol can't see it."

"See what?" Hansol asks.

She gets up, despite Pup's protests, and eases around Jihoon to get to her desk. When she returns, she has a scrap piece of paper and a pencil in hand. She does a very arbitrary sketch of the desk, computer, and the black smoke coming off the computer. "To us, the photo looks like this."

"That's... what all your building drawings look like."

"And that's what we're concerned about," Seokmin explains.

"But those were associated with bodies when we went." Jihoon finishes the last of his taco. He straightens up to look at Seokmin, arms crossed over his chest. "It's not just bodies."

"You guys said that all the people that you spoke to said something big was coming."

"Which we assumed was the Grand Plan."

"It ends in the Final Day. But it's hard to stop it if we don't know how they're doing it."

"Which is the problem."

"So, we've gotten nowhere."

The humans watch them talk before Hansol says, "Well, we're somewhere. You guys thought it was just bodies. We can assume now that it's anything 'bad', and can be attributable to the Grand Plan."

"Attributable," she murmurs, nudging Hansol. "Good word."

Hansol smirks.

"Hansol's right," she says so that the supernaturals can hear. "We know that they're thinking that something else is happening."

Jihoon hums. "Do we know that?"

"Yes." She tips her head back to meet his eye. "Demons have been pretty direct in my knowledge. 'Something big happening' is really vague by demon standards. That suggests that they also don't know what's going on."

Seokmin nods, picking up another taco. "That's a good point. It must be something that the demons can't even fathom."

Jihoon doesn't know why, but he feels offended.

"Could it be possible that Mrs. Han is possessed too? And whatever I took pictures of are just remnants from her having been in the room?" Hansol asks. He looks between Jihoon and Seokmin. "Can demons even possess angels?"

The two supernaturals size each other up.

"Unknown." Jihoon's gaze drops down to Pup, who is looking up at him with begging eyes. "You can't eat this. Steal from Hansol."

Pup wiggles his way between her and Hansol.

She leans back on her hands to look up at Jihoon. "What do you need to possess someone? A vulnerable host, right?"

"Sometimes people just let us possess them." He scowls at her. He actually hates this parasite description.

She either doesn't notice or doesn't care about Jihoon's irritation. She leans against Hansol, deep in thought. 

"We can't just ask her, can we?" Hansol asks.

"Who? Mrs. Han?" She shakes her head.

Jihoon looks to Seokmin. He hadn't been paying much attention to whether the older angel did or did not have a soul. "Did you notice Mrs. Han having a soul?"

Seokmin nods, running his hand over his face. "She had one."

"Then it's most likely the computer." She turns to Hansol, making sure not to squish Pup in the process. "Can I see the picture again?"

Hansol hands the phone over to her. She zooms in on the computer screen.

"What are you trying to see?" Seokmin squats down next to her to look over her shoulder.

"Whatever's on her dang screen."

Despite zooming in as much as she can, the icons are still quite blurry. She, Hansol, and Seokmin are able to pick out some of the obvious applications. They go back and forth on a few of them, Seokmin going so far as to looking them up. They're left with 3 that they can't identify.

"Why does this old woman have so many apps?" Jihoon laid down on the couch, Pup snuggling against his side. He gives the dog languid pets and can feel Pup fall asleep again.

Angrily, Hansol ruffles his hair. "I'm just so frustrated that I didn't think to take a picture of the actual computer up close."

"You were panicking." She yawns. "It's fine. But unfortunately, this actually tells us very little."

Jihoon studies his human, notices the way she leans into Seokmin. "Maybe we call it a day." He nods at Seokmin. "For the humans."

Seokmin glances at the time. It's early for either human to be going to bed, but then he notices her eyes closed, now muttering to Hansol about what she needs for a dog.

"We still don't have a plan," Seokmin says to Jihoon as the demon leads them out of the apartment.

The humans trail behind, discussing picnic plans with the others.

"Yeah, I'm down," she yawns. "Just..." She rubs her eyes, yawning so much she feels her jaw crack. "Just set it up. The demon has to come too."

Hansol nods with a smile at Jihoon. "Of course."

Jihoon nudges her towards her room once Hansol and Seokmin leave. "Go sleep. You're tired."

With one eye open, seemingly half her body already asleep, she says, "You're being nice. And taking care of me. It's weird." Pup waits for her by her bedroom door.

"You're no use to me tired. Go. Sleep. Now."

part 11

[styxthecaracal]

The Critter Inside

So, I try to keep this blog as just random sh*t, but I feel the need to share this to get some insight. So, am I still a therian if I don't 100% identify as my theriotype?

I mostly experience my therianthropy in a very spiritual way and the only way I can think to discribe it is as if I have two separate little souls inside me: My human soul (who I'll call Cadence in this explanation) and my caracal (who I'll call Styx). It feels as if Cadence is in complete control of me 90% of the time, and Styx is just chillin', but it's very clear that she hasn't noticed she's in a human body. She seems almost trapped. Like, Cadence is aware she exists, but Styx is oblivious to them. Every so often, Styx will just wonder or just bounce around panicked and hit a few "buttons" and I'll feel shifts (usually ears or tail). And every so often, Styx will somehow gain control, but it doesn't feel like she knows is, so I get ✨Species Dysphoria✨, and I feel like I'm in the wrong body, but I can hear Cadence (aka logic) screaming that I'm human and normal.

And sometimes, Styx will find her way out of the control spot, but Cadence doesn't fill it right away, so it just leaves me feeling empty and soulless. Like, I just feel like the vessel for these two and my consciousness is highly dependent on these little beings.

So, because of these experiences, I don't feel 100% like I'm a caracal, but I still partially identify as one on a spiritual level. So, does that make me a therian still. I think it does, but I'm not sure.

I just see a bunch of little critters on here and on other socials talking about how much they feel like their theriotypes and that they don't feel human at all and how they would instantly take the opportunity to become their theriotype. But, I don't feel that way. I still feel partially human. And I feel like, I wouldn't want to give up my human form forever.

Idk. Just a long thought/story I thought I'd share :3

[paradoxcase]

Chapter 5 of Nona the Ninth

I guess this is why she always gives her fruit away to the kids? I wonder why she doesn't like it anymore

Then I guess she did get radicalized? Only, Nona knows Corona, and has interacted with her, and Palamedes says she isn't their friend anymore, so presumably she was still considered a friend during the course of As Yet Unsent and during at least some of the time that Nona was around, but something has changed in the meantime. I wonder what exactly Corona knows about Camilla and Palamedes' situation or Pyrrha, since presumably she would have told anything she knew to We Suffer, I'm assuming, but she's not a necromancer so she could be totally in the dark about all this

I'm not sure why Palamedes thinks this can't be a reason for Nona to love Corona? People are more positively disposed towards pretty people because they are pretty, like, this is just a basic fact about human psychology, and children with limited experience of the world are more positively disposed towards everyone that shows them a bit of kindness, even if those people aren't actually treating them well, because they don't have enough experience to know what is normal/good. And we also know that Nona loves this city that's pretty objectively shitty right now, because she doesn't have any experience of any other place that she remembers, and she loves her friends who all laugh at her for being dumb and tell her that she's ugly because she perceives that she's part of a social structure and has some social status when she's with them, because she doesn't remember gaining that kind of status another way from kinder people. This is pretty normal stuff for someone with Nona's amount of world experience, I think

And Palamedes can also do necromancy in Camilla's body, it continues to appear that there isn't really any difference between a necromancer's body and a non-necromancer's body. But if Nona still has healing abilities, why does Palamedes need to do this?

He says it's because "she has the wrong kind of body" but that doesn't actually make sense with the rest of what he says here. He says the effect of the resurrection beast is based on which soul is in charge, not on the body, and they can totally avoid problems with that by just limiting how often Palamedes is in charge. If the body had something to do with it, you would think that Palamedes could be in charge as long as he wanted and it would be fine. And Pyrrha isn't affected at all and doesn't have to take any kind of precautions despite having "the right kind" of body to be affected, Palamedes says her soul is protecting her body, but if a non-necromantic soul can protect a necromantic body, why can't Camilla's body also protect Palamedes? It doesn't seem like the bodies have anything to do with it

Palamedes being in charge too much hurting Camilla's body I think supports the general hypothesis that bodies are damaged by prolonged exposure to thanergy, and that's why necromancers are so much weaker than non-necromancers

So I guess they record messages for each other, and listen to them afterwards? This is a really strange kind of Lyctorhood - you pledge your whole life to someone forever, and then you enter a state where you can never speak with them face-to-face ever again, even though they are still around and can talk to other people about you, and vice versa. And Pyrrha was stuck with this for 10,000 years, and couldn't even tell anyone about it. It must have been weird to be called by her actual name again after all those years, unless she told Wake about her situation?

I wonder how exactly Pyrrha and Nona arrived here and what exactly BOE even knows or thinks about them. I guess they must have just been taken to this planet (or wherever Camilla wound up) randomly by the River, but how did that appear to BOE? Corona would have recognized Nona as Harrow, and would know that Harrow is a Lyctor based on their conversation on that one planet, but I'm guessing they don't know Pyrrha's history

I wonder why she said that? Does We Suffer have any reason to think of Nona as something other than an enemy?

So what I'm getting from this is that Nona is just really good at imitating people. She is good at imitating people, and reading body language, but somehow not good at lying (or at least, she doesn't think she is, but she has been successfully lying to the teachers about her origin for a while now). But it seems like it took her a while to have decent motor control over her own body, so maybe it's related to that

[aswallowimprisoned]

Restless far from a Wine Dark sea - Resisting treatment

Logan tries to pursuade the sea monster to submit to a blood test. He is not keen on the idea.

@medwhumpmay

Tw Panic attack, needles, non-con medical procedure, Dead Dove Jewish vampiric whumpee, religious whumpee, coercion

This is set fairly near the begining, when Nathaniel's behaviour has been getting more erratic, swinging between compliance and resistance

masterlist

≪ °❈° ≫

“Fogal, we have a medical task to introduce you to.” Logan spoke evenly, allowing no cause for panic, “We want to take some blood for a blood test. It will only be a very small amount, a syringe full.”

“A test?” Fogal enquired softly, “But I thought you were… experimenting… last time you gave me blood?” 

“We aren't giving you blood this time.” Logan corrected, “We are taking a very small amount of blood from your arm, and then Dr Orange can do some tests on it to make sure that your blood is healthy.”

The merman paled.

“You want to take my blood?”

“A very small amount. You won’t even notice. I promise we will be careful. It's ok,” Logan soothed. The merman was far more anxious than Logan had been expecting - he was usually very good with needles, associating them with heroin and a release from pain.

“No, I, I, what do you need it for?”

“To make sure you are healthy. I promise this is a very common test…”

“That’s… I don't understand.” Fogal was trying to keep the panic from his voice, “You can't tell if people are healthy from blood. I know because all human blood tastes the same. Except if they have been drinking or on coke. And I promise I have only taken the drugs you have given me.” The merman was begging, “I can't move off this bed, I promise Logan. You don't need my blood, you know everything I promise.”

“Hey, hey, calm down Fogal.” Logan let his surprise leak into his voice, “This doesn't have to be frightening, it's very simple, it is just a small needle, it won't hurt much.” 

“Ok. Ok ok ok ok ok.” Fogal started tapping out a breathing pattern into his tail. Logan let him calm himself, -Pause. Calm. Please. Pause.- he asked.

“I can pause for a moment to let you calm yourself.” Logan allowed. The merman struggled through his breathing exercise, twitching occasionally against his restraints.

“Why?” Fogal finally gritted out.

“Blood contains many chemicals that can tell us about health, especially because we give you opiates so frequently we are worried about giving you too much medication and it can damage your liver. We want you to stay healthy, so we want to check it.” Logan watched the words sink in.

“I don’t understand why this one is so frightening to you,” Logan socially pressured, “you are usually so good with needles…”

“You want to take my BLOOD,” Fogal ratchetted right back up to borderline hysterical.

“It is a medical test. I myself undergo regular blood tests. It does no harm.”

“You let them take your blood. You.” Fogal whispered, still terrified. 

“Yes. There is no reason not to. It is for my health.”

Fogal shook his head, disbelieving.

“Blood is the soul, the lifeforce of the body. My cursed vampiric diet is proof of that.”

Ah that makes sense.

“I see why you came to that conclusion,” Logan conceded, “And why, because of that belief, you are more worried about this test.” He validated the feelings, “But if, as you say, blood has no use other than to nourish you, surely there is nothing nefarious we can do with your blood, other than the aforementioned medical reasons?”

“I can’t do magic with the blood…” and yet the merman was still near wordless with terror.

“And neither can we.” Logan tried to shut the conversation down, try to bulldoze on to the procedure so the sea monster could see a blood test was genuinely not frightening “Let us show you. Nurse Brunel is just going to put this piece of rubber tightly around your arm…”

The merman burbled with fear as the nurse secured a tourniquet around his upper arm.

“No, no Logan please, don't do this, Logan...” He started to writhe, viciously fighting his bonds, leather creaking.

“This is getting dangerous Logan,” Elias warned over the comms, “I don’t think he is ready…”

Logan acknowledged his co-anthropologist’s input, and dismissed it. If they gave up now, the sea monster would never allow the simple and essential procedure. And if he did try to fight, this would be a learning opportunity as to why resisting his captor’s wishes would always be fruitless. 

“It will only hurt a tiny tiny bit, a little needle, then it's fine.”

Nurse Brunel took up the needle.

“NO!” Fogal gasped. He looked Logan straight in the eye, and started to chant.

“Khri khmimi bdikula bziia”

“I don't know what he is saying.”

 “…aibdur tbluniikhi, prkha zika lmurika khdta…”

“Fogal, stop speaking, stop speaking and calm yourself.” Logan commanded, tone steady, before lowering his voice to speak into the microphone. “Is it a prayer?”

“Not one I recognise.” There was fear in Elias’ voice, “Logan, we should stop him. The merpeople’s magic is song based, and we don't know what he is saying.”

The fear in the room was palpable.

“Gag him,” the military coordinator intervened. Immediately, the merman was restrained from all angles, a rubber strap forced between his teeth as he screamed. “But complete the blood test anyway. We can’t keep letting him get away with bad behaviour.”

The sea monster writhed, and writhed and screamed and writhed. Nurse Brunel’s body language was showing his reluctance and pity, but still he forced the butterfly needle into the writhing merman’s arm.

a/n Nathaniel believes in witchcraft. It is very rare for Jews to believe in evil witchcraft nowadays, but Nathaniel is a couple of centuries old and from a time where a belief in witches was more common place, and from a place/time where witchcraft was viewed negatively (many times in history Jews were much more tolerant than Christians of witchcraft when being used for good, and most women kind of dabble in witchcraft cos thats what women do). 

And, he reasons, humans didn’t believe in merpeople till recently, so why couldn’t witches exist? (Witches are the same in the wine dark sea universe as they are in real life, but he is still afraid). 

I found this curse against witchcraft on My Jewish Learning, then anglicised it using google translate, making it equal opportunities indecipherable to anyone, whether you can read Hebrew or not.

But it is an awesome (but graphic):

Hot feces in torn date baskets in your mouth, witches; may your hairs fall out because you use them for witchcraft; your crumbs, which you use for witchcraft, should scatter in the wind;

[viviennelamb]

How exactly the mechanism of us manifesting what other people do to us works

In a previous lifetime, or in this lifetime, people incur karmic debt according to their material attachments. What you’re materially attached to (such as sex, being sexually appealing, becoming obsessed with being the pinnacle of your sexuality to have “community”) becomes the theme of your life.

When your life has a theme, you attract the people who will teach you the lesson that nothing external can be relied on.

You magnetize certain experiences based on the state of your nervous system. Your subconscious mind and soul's desires determine what you attract into your life. As you can see, the ordinary person's magnetism is embedded with filth and their subconscious desires are depraved. You have to have a high level of self-awareness to see this in yourself, an introspective nature and the willingness to take action.

Examples & More

I had an attachment to money and work and believed that money was my safety net in life. I finished school, got a good paying job straight out of college. However, on day one, there was a male who targeted me and began stalking, harassing, slandering me. At the time I had no idea, I just worked and went home, but one of his colleagues told me everything and started questioning me about my personal life, habits, body, etc. My bosses joined in on it, were convinced I was sleeping with this degenerate due to my appearance and had smug grins on their faces about something negative happening to me. Around this time, I had an overwhelming feeling that this chapter of my life had come to an end and I learned everything I had to learn. I knew if I stayed longer, I'd die inside and develop a drug habit, mental illness and chronic disease like they did. Of course, just like a TV show, he got promoted and had a smug grin about him “winning” like any other psychopath who loves competition. I realized I wasn't there to make money, but to increase my knowledge. At that point, I knew there was nothing to report, fight and understood that this was my karma, placing me on the path to seek total liberation.

There are no "people.” They aren't human. They're just egos. They're empty inside, similar to holograms who have the physical appearance of existing, but they are created to turn your attention to God. The more attention you place on them, the more you become them, which is what they want. Egos need fulfilled people to give them attention so that they know they exist. They're addicted to socializing because they literally cease to exist when they're alone. Furthermore, they're just doing their job and letting you know you have the potential to rise above them if that's what you want.

A woman on this website was telling me about her stalker who sent her disturbing messages. Yet, she didn't have the self-awareness to realize that she was stalking me at this point and was sending me disturbing messages as well. Even though I communicated this, this individual thoroughly ignored what I said because they have severe issues with communication and verbalization. There's no point in speaking to them, which is why, if you're smart, you'd take the route of silence. Victim-consciousness is so toxic, she became the man she was complaining about. This has happened due to egotism in the billions: women are all complaining about how they are treated by men, but reject solutions. They don't want solutions because they want to drag you down tot heir level, and they like the suffering they experience because it validates them. It makes them feel human because they believe to be human is to suffer.

Don't project unto them thinking they're just like you... all the propaganda you see on TV about people being good is false. They can be good to you and have somebody tied up in their basement. They can be good to you at home, but become a sadist at their jobs. They can be a decent friend, but attempting murder on their spouse daily. How many times does a celebrity have to be exposed for being the physical manifestation of evil? Your experience with others is completely energetic and if they're supposed to teach you a lesson or not. There are very few individuals who fit the category of “Good” and they're completely focused on God and not worried about anything worldly.

[septembersghost]

Literally everything about the Priscilla movie and the discourse it’s inspired is so bad man :(

not saying this in an "i told you so" way whatsoever, but yeah, i mean, we knew it would be. that was unfortunately a given. it's only going to get worse up until and when the movie comes out. EPE (presumably joel) also made the situation even uglier today by running their mouths criticizing it to TMZ and drawing more negative attention when they could've simply ignored it quietly. i realize i'm a slightly broken record here, and repeating a lot of others at this point too, but it's only noise. the people who revile him are always going to revile him and refuse to investigate any further about his person or his humanity, they want him to be a monster and their minds are made up. the people who who want to victimize priscilla to use her as a weapon with no care for her own voice will keep doing that. and the fans who love elvis are going to keep loving elvis. the people who want to see the movie will, the people who don't, won't, and either choice is valid.

this is how it's been for decades, social media just amplifies the unpleasantness, but it's an echo chamber. nobody yelling is attempting to engage with this with any nuance, or regard anyone involved as flesh and blood people who had complex relationships and made mistakes and also felt great love for one another. they're looking for trouble a reason to be hateful and to fight when they don't even understand or truly care what they're talking about. we know he wasn't perfect, we know he made some bad choices, we know he struggled with his health for several different reasons, we know he had a temper. we also know he tried relentlessly to do better, to learn and to grow personally and artistically, and to be generous and kind and giving of himself in myriad ways. which one do you ultimately find more important? because i really do believe it's the compassion and the light.

do i wish that the beautiful work baz and austin did to restore his legacy and personhood was the final word on it? frankly, yes, but that was never going to happen because elvis remains a fascination and an object of pop culture that gets projected onto depending on the agenda of whomever decides to use him as a mirror. it becomes so separated from why his music and memory remains. what they created still matters, and it makes my heart ache to think of it being undone at all, but i think it will ultimately be remembered, much like elvis himself.

i'm so much more interested in his artistry, his spirituality, and his emotional vulnerability than i am in intimate personal details about his life, but i know that's not the case in a lot of the fanbase, and that's fine, i am very selective in what i choose to engage with and i think we all have the right to curate that experience. i know it's SO hard to ignore, but when it comes to this discourse, don't read it, don't participate in it, and guard your mental health however you can. this movie doesn't change anything any more than any other of the many portrayals of him. more eyes are on it because of, essentially, brand recognition - both name of the director and due to the fast timing following the film last year, and all the press and clamor that surrounded it, the things said (both complimentary and unfair) about austin, the rabid nature of social media that lives to tear things apart. but it ultimately doesn't change anything.

this has been said more eloquently, but nothing has eclipsed or erased him, even after these decades of misinformation and spurious rumor and conspiracy theories and everyone and their neighbor exploiting (or inventing) their connection with him for a book or a crummy made-for-tv movie and cruel, dismissive jokes and cardboard cutouts and cheesy impersonators. something about the soul of him still rises above all of that. the positives we glean and inspiration and meaning we find, and the love we hold onto, rises above all of that too.

[eldritchships]

ShockLine and Innermost Energon

(A post I keep meaning to and then forget to make)

Basic context: Innermost Energon is a percentage of a Transformer's fuel that resides very close to their "spark" (the equivalent of both a human heart and soul). It is seen as a significant act of devotion to bottle part of your IE and give it to another person/Transformer.

I don't think it took Flatline long to offer his IE to Shockwave, really. He knows who he wants to spend the rest of his existence with, he knows who he's been head-over-rotors for since he first laid eyes on the big purple lug. Even though Shockwave likely tries to (as politely as he's capable of being) decline, Flatline stashes it somewhere on Shockwave's workstation, so that it's there and he kind of has to accept it.

This also would be far far before the cortical psychic patch ever comes up in conversation (another brief explanation: the patch is basically a machine that lets a Transformer read/enter the memories of another, usually stated to be invented by Shockwave, and seen as a rather invasive process). Flatline is extremely, almost weirdly adverse to the psychic patch, he's not usually a guy who seems uncomfortable but this is one of those things that he always walks on eggshells around. The reason for this is because he has a lot of unpleasant memories and experiences that he doesn't wish to revisit, and especially not let someone else root around in his head and see for themselves. By being willing to offer his IE so much earlier, it reveals something about Flatline: he would rather carve out pieces of his own body than be emotionally vulnerable with another being.

Shockwave on the other hand took far longer to consider reciprocating with his own IE. Flatline really had to work for that relationship (and their biggest fight did cause Flatline to semi-deliberately almost kill him, so that was a bit of a speed bump). Shockwave seemingly does understand social conventions, even if he doesn't personally partake, so I doubt he'd be confused about them. He might even prefer the IE thing, since it's a gesture that requires little talking and/or explaining the meaning behind it, because pretty much every Cybertronian knows what it means. And Flatline would be delighted to receive such a gesture, which is what's most important to Shockwave anyway as far as acts of attachment go.

[polarisbibliotheque]

You are currently one of my favorite DMC writers! I love re-reading your stuff because it always puts me in a good, comfy mood! I just adore how you portray casual intimacy, too. It just seems so gentle and natural. I also love your portrayal of the boys. They always feel like they have a depth and soul to them, which is amazing!

Thank you so much for sharing your gift and your creativity! While I'll always eagerly look forward to your next piece, know that your older works are still regarded fondly 💖

And here I am today, 2 a.m, Carnaval going hard in Brazil, sitting here and smiling stupidly while re-reading your message.

Thank you very very much, anon. From the bottom of my heart.

I've read your wonderful message the day you sent it, I think it was earlier this week - maybe Tuesday...? I couldn't answer it before, but it came right in a day when all hell broke loose in my home and this made me smile so much. It really felt like a safe port.

I'm not gonna get into too much detail because it's very personal - but, you know, family fights. Between all my mom's siblings, involving lawsuits and home evictions threats. I was just fucking fuming the whole week, and I almost put on my full Axl Rose attire and side of my personality to literally drop-kick and suplex some 6ft tall man built like a brick house because someone has to put some sense in his head.

I'm starting to sound like Nero

To top it all, this gave the opportunity for someone in my family who abused the hell out of me for more than 10 years to come back like a freakin' death omen.

I did end up going to therapy dressed up as Axl Rose for Carnaval, but it's so close to my usual style no one noticed it. I count as a life-win.

I still don't know what I'm feeling, (I talked to my therapist, don't worry) but that fucking threw me off everything. I don't know what to do about this, about this person, I'm scared and angry at the same time - and I got so SO overwhelmed, I had to get away from everything.

Social media, exercising, drawing, writing, reading, just living like a normal human being. The only thing I've been able to do is listening to music, because music has always been my safespace.

The only way I could explain how I'm feeling to my therapist, is a scene from a Julia Roberts movie, where she forged her own death to get away from her abusive husband, only to be found in the end by him and have him go like 'you're never going to get rid of me' and the fucking horror in her reaction - that's it. That's the feeling.

I have this dreadful feeling that I'm never gonna be rid of that, of all that abuse I want to leave in the past, until this person dies or I die.

Amidst all that, along came your message in my inbox. It felt like a ray of light in a dark stormy skies. A glimpse of hope that things can be better and that people are good. That I can have that experience as well.

Whenever I write about some more sensitive subjects, I hope it can be seen as a safespace for people - right now, for instance, my survival instincts that have always been alert have gone berserk, and the gods know how much I needed to feel safe enough to hug someone and ask for protection.

Vergil is ominously standing in the distance, staring back with the resolve of Achilles in the field of battle to get Hector's ass

I don't have that, but I can have it through fanfiction with characters, I think, would understand it. And I hope I can give the very same thing to other people who also don't have that sort of support and need to find it somewhere else.

I'm happy to know my writing has the good, comfy vibes I always try to convey! Despite the death, blood and dismemberment

And I wrote all of this so you can understand how thankful I am - and how much your kindness and nice words are so much needed in this world.

So, once again, thank you. Very very much.

[pictvresqve]

┊ ┊ ┊. ➶ ˚ —— look   who’s   joining   the   infinite   tour!   only   edward   "eddie"   song   ,   who   is   a   photographer   .   i’ve   heard   whispers   that   the   25   year   old   is   pretty   outgoing   but   lowkey   perfectionistic.   also,   doesn’t   he   remind   you   of   christopher   bang   ?

hello everyone ! my name is kaddie , 29 , resident of the pst zone , and user of whatever pronouns you like ( she / they usually , but please refer to me however you like ! ). this is not my first rodeo on tumblr, in krp, nor in tumblr krp — but it has been a while, so please don't mind me while i readjust and figure out how to function as a mun in this space !! i am excited to introduce you to my newest creation : mr. eddie song , one of infinite entertainment's lovely photographers ! i anticipate this intro being a work in progress as i delve further into the muse and feel him out , and any updates will be posted for the good people's reference !!

a quick note : i do lightly format my ic posts , which can and often does include bolding , italicizing , colors , special characters , and double / triple spacing. i do not use small text because i find it hard to read , but i do not mind if you use it !! i understand this may not always be accessible to some , so please let me know if these stylizing choices affect you in any way and i will adjust for you !! your comfort and ability to engage in a space that addresses your needs is more important than " aesthetic ".

𓆩⟡𓆪 edward "eddie" song was born in sydney , australia to blue collar korean immigrant parents on the cold winter's day of august 27 , 1997 . he is a virgo sun , gemini moon , and cancer ascendent . though he doesn't put much stock in astrology , he has been told by many people ( re: exes ) that he is a " true virgo man ", which he's still trying to figure out the meaning of.

𓆩⟡𓆪 ever since his youth , eddie was a creative , artistic soul. he has been drawing since he could hold a crayon , and as a child enjoyed creating comics and storybooks to share with his parents and friends. as he got older, his preferred creative outlet shifted a bit to include photography — which he picked up after joining his middle school’s yearbook team. composing the perfect shot quickly became an obsession , and to this day he’s tirelessly committed to capturing the world’s beauty in a single frame .

𓆩⟡𓆪 eddie's parents are decent people who worked hard to give their son what he needed. as a child , he never had to worry about being fed , clothed , or watered — though he did not have many of the cool things his childhood friends and schoolmates did. both adults worked full-time jobs ; his father was a grocery store manager , and his mother waited tables at a nearby korean restaurant. this meant that eddie was enrolled in preschool at a very young age , and throughout the rest of his schooling was placed in after school programs until he was old enough to look after himself.

𓆩⟡𓆪 eddie loves his parents very much , but their insistence on practicality when it came to his future did often lead to a butting of heads. while he craved the sweet release of artistic expression , the exploration of humanity and nature beyond what words and science could describe , his mother and father rather preferred he stick to the more common career paths , like finance , medicine , or engineering. their ambitions for their son were shaped by their own experiences of poverty and struggle — something that , to this day , eddie very much understands but finds difficulty in accepting. all he wants is his parent's support for his passions . he still hasn't quite gotten it yet.

𓆩⟡𓆪 eddie was well-liked in school , and though he was not popular per se , he had plenty of friends and a well-rounded social life. in his adult life , he still keeps in touch with several mates from high school. on top of working with both the yearbook and newspaper associations in high school , he was also on the varsity track team.

𓆩⟡𓆪 against his parents' wishes , eddie did not attend university , and instead made the life-changing decision to move to seoul , south korea once he had graduated from high school. he wanted to pursue his passion for photography away from the scrutiny of his parents. they did not part on the best terms , but have since reconciled after his parents both visited him in korea a few years after he relocated there. today , they are on speaking terms , but due to his busy life , eddie only touches base with them on occasion.

𓆩⟡𓆪 upon moving to korea , eddie worked a series of odd jobs to support himself while he freelanced as a photographer on the side. this mostly included your typical first job selections : waiting tables , working retail & hospitality , and working for a rideshare company.

𓆩⟡𓆪 networking within the local artist community in seoul was paramount to eddie's breakthrough as a professional photographer. after meeting several like-minded artists — a group called the craftsmen — he launched his first gallery display. the theme ? in the eyes of a dreamer — a series of portraits showcasing the smaller , lesser known beauties of the city from the perspective of a man who'd come there for a safe haven to pursue his passions. it was a hit.

𓆩⟡𓆪 after the success of several art installations and portrait commissions , eddie began doing contract work for several entertainment publications in which he attended events , concerts , and premieres as a press correspondent. while he loved his work with the independent group , the money was inconsistent and not support his basic needs. though his choice was met with disapproval , he still keeps in touch with some of the more understanding members , and frequently advertises the craftsmen's events. a casual consumer of the korean entertainment industry , this line of work quickly opened his eyes to the beauty , struggle , and chaos prevalent within in — particularly where kpop idols were concerned. where else could he find a more perfect place to capture humanity at its best and at its worst ?

𓆩⟡𓆪 he only takes honest work — meaning , gossip sites / publications and unofficial paparazzi activities have been and are adamantly and vehemently turned down. he follows a strong code of ethics and only believes in snapping photos with express and enthusiastic consent.

𓆩⟡𓆪 eddie covered the unveiling of infinite entertainment's new building inauguration on january 11th , 2021 . this was the same date he was scouted by staff and invited to submit a portfolio of his work and an application , which he did.

𓆩⟡𓆪 finally , in january 2022 , after the announcement of their world tour , eddie received a formal offer to join infinite entertainment contingent on his agreement to partake in the entirety of the tour. such a lengthy wait for a response initially had the young artist hesitant , but an opportunity to travel the world and get paid for it was too good to pass up. he signed a contract soon after the offer was made , and began work not 24 hours later. he was a key figure in producing much of the promotional material for the tour.

𓆩⟡𓆪 eddie is a creative soul at heart. he is driven by artistic goals — namely , capturing the world's beauty in a single frame — and views his work as an extension of himself. because of his passion for what he does , he can often be viewed as obsessive and perfectionistic , often working long hours to edit his work down to the most minute detail. however , he typically does a good job holding this back while working with live subjects , and is rather gentle and reassuring with those he works with , even when his directing style needs to become more structured and instructive.

𓆩⟡𓆪 eddie is an ambivert , though on the mbti he tests as an extrovert . he loves being around others and meeting new people , but has been known to withdraw entirely during times of stress or hardship. he is a people-pleaser , often putting the needs of others before his own and going to extra lengths to ensure everyone he cares about is properly cared for.

𓆩⟡𓆪 a self-medicator , he often takes to smoking or alcohol to get through difficult days , particularly when his art is failing him and he has nothing else to turn to. he always maintains professionalism , however , and always shows up to work sober , clean , and with a smile on his face.

𓆩⟡𓆪 other hobbies include : drawing , painting , casual gaming ( nintendo is his go-to ) , cooking & baking , and creative writing. his favorite movie genre is fantasy and / or action adventure. he listens to all types of music ; he has familiarized himself with nearly the entire discography of every artist on tour , in an effort to properly capture them in a manner true to their artistry.

last updated : sat 6 may 2023

[makingspiritualityreal]

Why Spirituality is a Realistic Concept that translates to a Better Quality of Life

One of the things that upsets me the most in spiritual circles is people who give the subject a bad rep by making it sound detached from reality. In truth, these people are just using spiritual concepts for escapism and their attitude of ignoring this human life we chose to experience has nothing to do with depth or understanding.

Just because spirituality helps us understand, that there is more to the Universal existence than the mundane physical things, it doesn't mean that it should be an escape from these things. Spirituality is about understanding how to handle physical things and make the most out of them while remaining in alignment with your soul. The whole point of experiencing spirituality in this physical incarnation is to see it... through the perspective of the physical vessel. If we were looking at spiritual concepts from a higher dimensional perspective at the exclusion of the human life we're living now...we wouldn't even be using human language to discuss these ideas.

The same applies to Astrology. The point of looking at a chart is to understand in more detail the expression of our soul here on Earth, at a given point in time. Our higher selves couldn't care less... because they already have that bigger perspective. They don't need a chart to know. The chart is DESIGNED as a roadmap for the simple human brain to connect with the soul energy... through lower human concepts, understandable to the human perspective. Once we completely transcend the human point of view, we're most probably already in between incarnations, and we have no use for these simple human tools created for understanding higher concepts.

This is something that makes me very angry because it takes away all credibility from who you are and what you do when you say "I'm spiritual". People assume you're high on drugs, detached from the physical aspects of this life and can't even see what is in front of you.

Spirituality is about remembering that your soul is with you every second of every moment, as you live your physical life. It's about letting your soul fully drink in the material energetic imprint of this life. You can't do that if you're not present in your reality and not aware of the life you're living.

Being aware of the bigger picture doesn't mean ignoring what is happening here and now. It's about living the here and now in a meaningful way, knowing what choices to make based on the depth of your consciousness.

Granted, there are certain things you can't control immediately, but even faith is about believing something PHYSICAL will change over time enough to give you answers on what actions are correct to take. It's not about wishing your life away and giving up on realising it, it's about being able to take action in alignment with yourself while letting go of the illusion that you can micromanage every detail of your existence.

When I make a post on my social media, the goal is to give it to people here, in the now. I can't control who and how views it...but I share it with the people who need my wisdom in mind. My self expression in this physical life is to help people at a specific point in time. The subject may be spirituality related, but it is supposed to bring something tangible to the world. If I wanted to just float around in space and didn't have a purpose here on Earth, I would skip on the pain of human life altogether.

There is a perfect balance between observing a larger perspective and introducing it into your everyday life. Spirituality is simply about finding that balance. For me, it is a calling that will last a lifetime, and it doesn't lead to a lack of "realism". It simply makes all of my physical experiences more meaningful, because I choose to be present in every moment, right here, right now...even with the perspective of eternity.

[messengerhermes]

How to Understand Office Job Titles and Where to Get an Office Job

Okay, so, I hate that even if you do go the university route, colleges don't teach people how to understand what different position titles mean and how to know if they qualify. So here is a quick cheat sheet, based on me floundering my way through nonprofit office jobs for the better half of a decade. Hierarchy Titles:

Entry Level: Associate--This means you're the starting person, you shouldn't be the only human in your department and are likely helping other team members with their tasks, making their positions more generalized and helpful for figuring out what you want to do long term.

For example, a Communications Associate would not be expected to come up with the years' communication strategy or manage team members, but would be expected to write newsletters, social media posts and maybe do some graphic design work.

Mid-Level: Coordinator--A Coordinator has several years of experience in their work and will likely be entrusted to lead small projects. As a heads up, if you end up leading your entire department--like I did--as a coordinator, you are being screwed out of money and a higher title Managerial level: Officer, Manager, etc.--on paper, these folks should have worked their way up from analyst to get here and thus have a deep understanding of the work they ask of the team members they supervise. In practice...I have not seen that in most companies. Managers don't do a lot of direct work themselves in terms of making the final product, instead they direct what the final product should be and check in with team members to see how shit is going. Executive Level: Chief [Thing] Officer,Executive Director this person is on the top of the hierarchy, probably is overpaid, and their job is to manage the managerial staff

Okay now, Here are some Fields to look into for office work:

The nonprofit sector: AKA Charities. I'll warn you, nonprofits vary hugely in terms of how radical they are or how much they may swing into patronizing missionary models.

Nonprofit Jobs to Look For:

Development Positions: This work is about raising money to keep the lights on. Nonprofits do not charge their clients for services and instead acquire money through donations, grants, and fundraising events. I've worked in development. It's...soul sucking after a couple years to be honest. Here are some positions to look for:

Donor cultivation: Like talking to people and networking? This job is about knowing who is who and being really good at talking people into giving over their cash.

Grant Writing: Enjoy spreadsheets and writing arguments to convince people to do things? That's grant writing

Event Coordinator: Like throwing parties? That's what the event coordinator does. Create convincing parties for rich people so they'll give money.

Program Positions: Program positions focus on whatever services a nonprofit does for their community. How to Address the Annoying Coded Language when you think you have no experience: Look, even if you have no office experience, I promise you probably have transferable skills from previous jobs, volunteer work, or club activities. If you're not sure what the hell a job is asking you to do, for example with a vague terms like "relationship building" or "program management" google "Examples of professional X" or "transferable X skills." For example, if you have ever helped a club you were in run a bakesale, hold a movie night, run a dnd tournament, throw a party, you have program management experience. Program management is annoying office speak for "make sure this thing we say we do happens." Literally every term in a job description can be broken down into this. Where to find jobs (In the US): (I know the most of these are nonprofit, sorry that's my field, tbh, other folks feel free to add trustworthy job sites): WorkForGood . org--Website that lists a lot of nonprofit sector jobs Idealist . org -- much bigger version of Work For Good Google " [your city name] United Way Job Bank" Look for a web address that contains "United Way . org" UnionJobs . com : All the listings on this site are US union jobs, there are other union job sites but I cannot find them for the life of me Look at the "careers" section of any organization or company that you've thought "I'd like to work there." Even if you don't have the skillset you think that company would need. A tech firm still needs someone to write the marketing copy and make sure the office is functioning, and a credit union still needs someone to make sure all their computers are running. University Jobs . com and Higher Ed . Com : Websites that lists work for college campuses "Faculty" are the people who teach classes, some of which you don't need a PHD to do. "Staff" are folks who do everything other than teach and there are a lot of staff jobs and they ask a huge range of skills and certifications. You don't necessarily need a bachelors or higher to work for colleges. Book Jobs . Com: Wanna work in US publishing? Here you go! Search "[Name of Field your Interested in] Professional Organizations" There's professional orgs for damn near everything, and poking around on their websites can be helpful in finding leads on the kinds of jobs to search for.

Getting office work is a pain in the ass. Companies these days are trying to streamline staff and run on their own form of labor exploitation that often uses the classist specter of "Ohhh you don't want to work three different shift work positions do you??" to get people to work unpaid overtime at shit levels, because hey, you get PTO and health insurance, right? However, once you get six months of office experience under your belt, it becomes way easier to jump ship and find a better place to work. If you stay within a particular industry, you'll also have an easier time finding work, because people will start to poach you when they leave if they like what you do and working with you. Companies like to hire based off of referrals or internal promotions best, so while you'll still have to go through the formal interview process, if you're old coworker hopped over to greener pastures and they put in a recommendation for you for an open position and tell you to apply, you're chances of being hired increase. I did this with my best friend for a couple of years. I told the almanac company I was working at was hiring and then mentioned to my boss that my friend was applying and I'd worked with her before and she was good at her shit. Then she left to a database company and told me they were hiring and gave in the good word for me. It becomes a game of leap frog. Also for the love of fuck, use your friends as references if you don't have any professional ones. They don't know your "work experience" with your friend is the garage band y'all fuck around in on the weekend. Put your friend down as a coworker, tell them the details of the job you're applying for and what you said you're capable of, and give them a heads up if the job you apply to says they're calling your references. Companies are not your friend and won't do you any favors. Don't feel bad about exaggerating your skills to get in the door. Everything is googleable.