#I was thinking of going more anime but I got uncanny-valleyed

[mochiwei]

Rabbit-hearted 🐇❤️

[jovial-thunder]

Lancer Tactics devlog

I'm gonna try out posting my ~monthly devlog roundup here as well. These suckers are glorified changelogs with anecdotes and gifs galore. Let me know if this is something you like seeing show up on your dash?

Map Editor

Got units able to be placed/deleted/moved in the mission editor

Can paint/remove command zones in the editor

Can paint minecraft-like terrain blocks in the editor

Can paint/rotate multi-tile props in the editor

Can edit unit character sheets and portrait via the editor

3D maps

Did a bunch of art tests with 3D mech models, provided by GeneralChaos, which we ended up deciding not to go with to keep things simple.

To avoid the can of worms that is animation, we'd have to lean into a static "tabletop minatures" aesthetic which we decided is not a style we want to be stuck with. By sticking with 2D sprites, we avoid falling into a sort of uncanny valley; it's easier to get away with not animating a 2D sprite than it is for a 3D model.

 We also experimented with 3D terrain. We decided to make a rule that the visual style for a piece of terrain should match its mechanical effect: obstructing terrain that you can't move through, such as rocks or buildings, will be in 3D, while non-obstructing terrain like trees will stick with 2D sprites.

Hooking up the 3D camera to follow events like movement and attacks did a LOT for making it starting to feel like it's cohering into an Actual Game™

Implemented cover! And an attack preview! Cover works by aiming a ray from the target to the originator (technically to and from each voxel of each, respectively, to handle size 2s shooting above size 1 cover) and tracking all the terrain blocks it hits (how we'll handle non-terrain hard cover TBD). I think I have it working according to Perijove's cover rules manual, but I'm sure there'll be edge cases to work out. This is a case where things are significantly simplified by working in squares instead of hexes; hexes have a lot more possible weird angles you have to deal with.

Re-added what I'm stubbornly calling Combat Popcorn; little bits of text that pop out when you use abilities and attacks.

UI & game screens

Added ability for the engine to show UI that's anchored to the game world via a little word bubble line but also stay on screen as the camera moves around.

Got word bubbles working; you can now write dialogue in the mission editor, hit playtest, and see it work in a mission! (it does actually translate correctly now; this gif is just from a bug I thought was funny)

Got ability effects mostly behaving appropriately again, including muzzle flashes. The easiest way to handle them ended up being NOT billboarding them so they always face the camera (like all other 2D sprites in the game); instead, I put them on a plane parallel with the ground and just spin them around the unit to point at wherever their target is.

Did some work ironing out our tooltip system. The standard in CRPGs these days is this kind of nested labyrinth of tooltops that you see in Baldur's Gate 3:

I Did Not Want to try and figure out how to wrangle that much UI, so we're instead opting to cap the nested tooltips at the second layer. You can lock a general tooltip for e.g. an action and then mouseover various items within that tooltip to get glossary definitions...

...and then instead of having those glossary tips be lockable/mouse-overable themselves, I collect all related terms to that glossary definition and let you tab through them.

Added skin overlay functionality to the portrait maker, enabling textures like scars, tattoos, stubble, and vitiligo to be applied to just the skin and not extend off into space.

Midway through writing this update, Carpenter sent me this gif of the randomization button working! There's a still a bunch of skintones/assets missing and a few are a bit janky, but it was exciting to start seeing the range of these lil freaks (affectionate) that this editor can create.

Mourning cloak license!

This is the one I'm probably most excited about: I did a bit of a content dive and implemented a basic character sheet + all Mourning Cloak traits and equipment. They don't have fancy graphics yet, but the weapons and systems can be added via the character sheet and used in-game.

It took a little under a day, including adding soon-to-be common mechanisms like bonus damage. This is great news in that it means the engine we've been building for so long in the abstract seems to do a great job in handling comprehensive actual game content, and that it looks like we've set ourselves up for success when it comes time to buckle down on churning that out.

I'm sure other licenses will come with unique difficulties (I fear the day it comes time to do the Mule Harness // Goblin CP) but I'm feeling good about it!

Vertical slice?

Taking a step back, the pressing question on my mind has been "when will we have a playable early access build?"

I was originally hoping for Feb/March, but what we've internally been referring to as the "3D cataclysm" has pushed everything back by at least three months, so the target for the first alpha build is now in May. So, ah, thanks for your patience! Seeing things come together, I've become more and more convinced that moving to 3D was the right call.

[doeshrine]

Any general headcanons for doe; romantic or just regular guy stuff :]

You guys really wanna know MORE!? AHH I have had no one to talk about my beloved Doe with AH! Sorry sorry! I'm done gushing! Genuinely just happy to talk about them.

TW: YANDERE RELATED TOPICS

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John Doe absolutely goes by he/they pronouns. No ya'll can't take this from me.

Even in their female form which is often referred to as "Jane Doe", I feel like that would just piss them off. I think just bc he changes his presentation doesn't mean you get to misgender them. I think despite presentation changes he'd still be himself and still go by John Doe.

So Regular Guys are pretty much pests in the Uncanny Valley. John Doe's eyes are kinda of explained in House Hunted 2 that he has to physically split his eye in half so he blends in. Personally, I think that's got to be uncomfortable all the time, so at home he does go from two eyes to one eye since he feels comfortable about it.

Many would think he's controlling which I think he can be occasionally, but not on purpose. Due to some of the things he has been through all alone, I think he views himself being controlling as protecting you, and while yeah he's a whole yandere I think he's more than willing to hear you out on making him comfortable while also accommodating your- freewill lol.

He hisses at people.

He stares at you when you sleep. There is no way ya'll convince me otherwise.

He doesn't require sleep but understands that you prefer to snuggle in bed with him at night.

He hates any of your plushies. He thinks if you hug them, you like them more than him- but he won't throw them away. He likes how soft they are.

He stutters a lot when trying to explain his feelings to you. He isn't used to people viewing him as a person over a pest.

Despite being a yandere, he is oddly good at communication if you teach him what it is and how to understand boundaries. He's going to slip up and you gotta understand that when going into the relationship.

He just orders takeout a lot. I have a weird headcanon that Regular Guys can make things from thin air so when he orders food he hands them money he just conjures. ((This man accidentally inflates the economy one eldritch magic dollar at a time.))

When he gets all hyper-realistic, he doesn't acknowledge it as "scary" to him he's sort of blind to it happening. While yes he is physically doing it, he doesn't see it so he just- kinda thinks you're being mean to him if you freak out. I think he's a visual learner so cues such as covering your eyes help him understand you're just uncomfortable, but don't love him any less.

He lets you pet his hair and despite the curls it never knots or tangles. Like it never knots up.

He isn't good with animals. Except crows love him. He likes crows.

He does try to clutter your home- and uh that's gonna require you explaining to him that humans need clean spaces to live.

Did I mention he's jealous? However, he can be really subtle about it. He just glares or waits till you turn to go hyper-realistic on someone.

He has an existential crisis in one breath, but in the next will ask you to pass the popcorn. (he is unwell)

For my FNAF bitches, he would listen to your info dump about the FNAF lore any day of the week. Any kind of hyperfixation or special interest of yours he will listen to you talk about it. He can keep up with however you talk and will never ask you to speed up slow down or stop talking. He just likes you.

He can help with chores, water CANNOT be involved.

In his Lil' Doe form (I HAVE DIBS ON THE NICKNAME >XP), he takes dust baths, but because he isn't human he doesn't have to take traditional showers. He can't too or his form does break down so please take care of him.

Despite him hating you taking showers, he learns to accept it due to the fact you explain it is a health thing. He realizes a human being is much more complex than a Regular Guy physically and requires more care than a dust bath.

He makes sure you eat. If you don't eat he becomes paranoid you will die.

Has he killed people for you? Yep.

Kinda running out of thoughts!

[physalian]

Physalian’s 10 Fantasy and Sci-Fi Pet Peeves

Prove me wrong, add your own, anything goes!

*trigger warning for discussion of homophobia in fiction

1. Winged humanoids not hampered by said wings

I’m talking your classic pseudo-angel with the big feathery bastards on their backs, ones that can’t be hand-waved away behind a veil or manifested at will. Assuming they’re meant to be capable of flight grounded somewhat in real world physics, these things have got to be massive to support a humanoid. Even folded up, the tips of those feathers likely brush the floor and the tops stretch over their heads.

There is no concealing these bad boys in plain sight and the best example I can think of that took some consideration for how cumbersome giant-ass wings would be is DC Comics’ Hawk Girl.

Give me some funny comedy bits about clumsy hybrids and mutants, banging into doors and walls, knocking things over, being unable to fit in cars, on public transport, just constantly getting in the way without some thoughtful and creative solutions.

2. Vampires being immune to wooden bullets

I have not seen every piece of vampire media that exists, so I’m specifically referencing this gaping plot hole in Vampire Diaries and its associated spin-offs. Wooden bullets don’t kill vampires for one reason: It would be too easy to massacre all the vampires. The plot never gives another reason other than that it’s just not good enough.

Give me a legitimate reason for why they don’t work. Is there some critical mass of wood that needs to pierce a heart? Is it tied to some ancient vampire curse that the wood must be stake-shaped? Is the curse not down with the times? What about other wooden projectiles? An arrow? A crossbow bolt?

At what point is it not wood anymore? Can I stake a vampire with a piece of an Ikea bed’s particle board? What if I roll up a sheet of cardstock? What about the very strong root of some other plant? I need answers, damnit!

3. Creatures with non-iron-based blood still having iron-based coloring

This is incredibly specific and I don’t care, they’re called “pet peeves”. I know the answer to why live-action productions don’t take this into consideration when making blood any other color—because who cares? Sure, her blood is black, but only when she bleeds from a cut or a gunshot. The same applies in animation, too, with black-blooded humans. Whether it’s black or silver, white, green, blue, purple doesn’t matter. It’s only not-red when they’re injured because otherwise it could never be a shocking twist-reveal.

This is less a pet-peeve and more an underexplored opportunity. If you’re going to write your humanoid with non-red blood, I want to see what happens when you take full advantage of what doing that actually means for their physical appearance. Give me skin that blushes blue, the creepiness of a human-shape with a black mouth, or green-tinted eyes.

Not just in horror. Give me some uncanny valley vibes in your hero-races and love interests too. Sell me on your aliens being aliens, even if they look human in profile.

4. Fantasy bigotry that exists because of the Fantasy Church

You want to write a bigot fantasy land? Fine by me. I am sick and tired, though, of the same exhausted reasons for this fantasy land, completely detached from Earthly biases, being homophobic simply because it’s medieval.

Y’all realize that you’re not being very ‘fantastical’ if your argument is “but that’s how it was in those times”. What times? You made this fantasy world, you wrote the rules, you wrote in the anti-gay agenda.

I am all for exploring bigotry in fantasy, but if you’re going to make it the fantasy church’s decree, give me a fresh reason for why this fantasy god or gods decided being gay is bad this time around. Or, dare to get creative and make it a non-religious issue. Make it a social one, or a biological one, a superstition even. It doesn’t have to make sense, bigotry is never logical.

The same goes for fantasy sexism and racism. Tell me *why* your women aren’t allowed to fight in battle, why only the white characters are rich landowners, why the existing women are powerless, moneyless, in positions of servitude and sexual slavery. I don’t care that it exists, I just want a compelling reason that I can’t get by reading a history book in the real world.

5. Biblical references in a non-Earth land

Whether it’s sci-fi, or fantasy, if your fantasy land is in no way connected to Earth, please, please stop naming objects and characters after biblical entities. Star Trek? Go right ahead. Narnia? The entire series is one big bible allegory.

I mean aliens naming their ships “the Ark” like they have any knowledge of who Noah was. It’s when the name is meant to evoke the same feeling in your work as it does in the real world.

References to “Hell” and an unnamed “God” are uncreative. Naming your lone alien lady “Eve” is uninspired. Characters thinking another character “looks like an angel” instead of their fantasy version of divine perfection can do better.

This also goes for characters who have a meta-awareness of their symbolic name. If you name your character Daisy and she goes on a monologue about how it’s so fitting because she’s such a delicate white flower—her parents didn’t name her that knowing who she’d become one day. You, the author, did.

Unless you have a character who picks that name for themselves knowing what it means or you really do have clairvoyant parents who want to name their kid Jesus deMartyr the Second, please don’t let your character pontificate about their super special symbolic name.

This is fantasy—get fantastical.

6. Flaming arrows

I wrote 111k words of book just so I could have a legit reason to write flaming arrows.

Among many other under-researched medieval siege tactics for the sake of spectacle, flaming arrows are probably the most annoying because of how transparently they exist only to look cool. Unless fire is the best defense against a horde of supernatural nasties, regular old arrows service you just fine. Or, your defenders have littered the battlefield with easily-ignitable bombs and oil and you aim to set the entire place on fire.

Flaming arrows are also usually a sign of spectacle over practical and, remember, humans were vicious in the middle ages with our torture and battle tactics. You know what’s spectacular? Ditches! Moats! Plagues! Rocks! Flex your research and your smarts by getting creative with your fantasy siege tactics and do better than archers firing burning arrows at their targets.

7. Witches are women, wizards are men

… Yeah, you know the fandom in question. But beyond that one and related to the fantasy bigotry—you have zero reason to not write more dude witches and lady wizards. Ladies are usually sorceresses, sure, they’re plenty powerful, but I want an honest-to-heck badass woman who proudly proclaims herself a legit wizard. Not a magician or a sorceress or a mage. A. Wizard. With the Mickey-style hat and the shapeless robes. De-sexify the supernatural heroines and lady love interests for once.

Give me a dude (straight or otherwise) with the broom and the pointy hat and the bubbling cauldron and the striped Wicked Witch of the East socks or however you’ve designed your fantasy witches. Make his costume indistinguishable from his lady counterparts.

8. Protagonist with any eye color except brown

Unless you’re specifically writing a human-adjacent or supernatural being in a world where eye color is significant culturally or biologically (or thematically), where be all the brown-eyed heroes?

He’s always got to have fanfiction blue eyes and blonde hair, or jet black. Or they’re fanfiction green. Especially in cartoons, a brown-eyed hero is super rare if the hero is white or white-coded. I wrote an entire post about color and our subconscious biases in how we color our characters.

They’re never just brown either. There’s layers. Like an ogre. There’s coffee, honey, amber, cherry wood, walnut, almond, chocolate, cocoa, whisky, bourbon. Do you know how many sexy points Mr. Tall, Dark, and Handsome would get if you gave him whisky brown eyes?

It’s not a boring color, it’s not an unoriginal color, it’s not an insignificant color.

9. Impractical costumes because they’re sexy

There is only one CW show that magically avoids this trope: The 100. The women in that series are not running around in full faces of makeup, clean and edgy clothes, and high heels. I’m picking on this in fantasy and sci-fi specifically, because I like adventure fantasy, where these characters are in the dirt, in battle, on the road, etc. I’m picking on fantasy because the makeup of the people who write it are still dominated by men.

Take one look at the difference in the costumes of the Amazonians between Wonder Woman and Justice League and you’ll see what I mean. Let her be frumpy! Let them wear something other than a black leather jacket. Let her run around in chunky road sneakers, have her hair up in a ponytail, and not be wearing 8 pieces of jewelry when she’s prepared for a fight. Let her wear the same armor as the men with the exact same neckline, if she wants to. She can be sexy for the rest of the book, but when she’s in combat, let her be practical.

10. Latin-based spells in a non-Latin world

Addendum to the biblical references above, Latin sure sounds cool for spellwork… if this is Earth-based urban fantasy. It’s easy for readers to pronounce, Latin sounds exactly as it’s spelled, and even if your readers only speak English, you can usually pick out a word or two to understand the intent behind the spell.

However. Latin doesn’t exist if Europe never existed in your fantasy world. Make your own fantasy gibberish for your spellwork, or, heck, design your own skeleton language. Give it influences from a language that isn’t Latin. Make it sound vaguely Celtic if you want, or Spanish, Japanese, what have you, just for diversity’s sake.

Additional addendum: You cannot give me a name like Xenophilius Lovegood for a man born after 1900 in an urban fantasy setting and expect me to take him at all seriously.

—

ANNOUNCEMENT!! I have a new website~ annebellowsbooks.com where my blog can *finally* be organized into sensible categories and is easily navigable. And! It shall shortly host an excerpt from ENNS chapter 1. Check it out, point out typos I missed, gush over the amazing color scheme—I worked hard on it!

[adobe-outdesign]

Neopet review: the Zafara! Last in the alphabet of neopets, but certainly not last on how cool they are!

I always enjoy a good abstract creature that's still a believable animal, so unsurprisingly, I like Zafaras a lot. They've got a really unique body shape amongst Neopets that's vaguely like a kangaroo, but that's where the similarities stop. I really like the feathery structure to their tails, their long ears, and that random set of spines they have along their back.

Visually, my only nitpick is that I'm not a big fan of the base color's palettes—most PB colors fix this, but the base colors have a weird mix of beige, pink, blue and black going on with their accents and none of it goes together. I feel like the back spines should've been black along with the nose, or the spots should've been beige instead or black, etc etc.

I'd argue Zafaras mostly benefited from customization as their old art was getting very dated by the time the conversion happened, and they likely would've received a redraw even if customization didn't become a thing. Plus a lot of the updates look really good, such as the tail tip shape being improved, fluff being added to the chest so they don't have a weird shape jutting out there, the feet being lengthened, etc. The only downgrade are the fists, and that's just a standard thing for customization.

My only other minor nitpick is that old Zafara eyes were almost pitch black and it gave them what I can best describe as a sopping wet meow meow vibe that gets lost nowadays. Even when they had color in their eyes, it was more of a crescent shape and overall cuter. Granted, though, the new eyes are more in line with other Neopets, so I get the change.

Favorite Colours:

Christmas: While most Christmas pets are just the standard reds and greens, the Christmas Zafara goes in a completely different direction by being an angel with a very pretty white and yellow color palette and a nice get of wings. It's super simple but very pretty. I also like how they fixed the color balancing that I mentioned above by changing the ear spots to yellow and making the tail tip match. (I do kind of wish the nose were black or something, but that's an extreme nitpick.)

Maraquan: I am 100% cheating by including this one because I usually try to stick to only pet colors you can obtain in the present day, but with UC styles becoming a thing I'm hopeful we'll be getting the old design back one day.

Because yeah, I absolutely love the pre-customization design; making it a sort of sea horse/leafy seadragon cross works perfectly with the Zafara's body shape, the pose is lively, and I love the bright pink fin accents to contrast with the teal body striping.

(The converted is... okay, but the concept was completely lost by changing the pose, the striping was reduced too much, and the body has this bizzaro lumpy shape instead of being a smooth curve like it should be.)

Water: Technically speaking this isn't too fancy, but I just think they did such a nice job with this one. There's so much gorgeous detail in the shading along the head and tail splashes, and the artist really did a good job at capturing that watery look. The choice to make the head tuft and tail splashes in the first place was a great choice, and I especially love how the ear spots are water bubbles. Super pretty all around.

BONUS: I really like burlap pets and think it's an underrated color, so I figured I should give the burlap Zafara a shoutout for being one of the best burlaps out there. The colors are kept muted, the uncanny valley vibe is present, the way they handled the fur tufts looks great, and I like the various slate blue patches on the body, which match with the back spines, spots, and eyes.

[a-local-idiots-shitpost]

Leviathan with a Sea Serpent!Mc

this piece belongs to this and has 855 Words

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you would think the Admiral of Hell´s army wouldn´t be scared of the depths of the Devildom´s sea but no you would be wrong, so very very wrong Levi knows what´s down there and it scared and his partner is one of those terrifying creatures

I mean him and his Brothers could also count as terrifying creatures but at least he knows they won´t kill each other for any petty reason, his partner though? they told him they killed and ate one of their siblings just because they bothered them they promised that they would never do that to him but he doesn´t believe them, they tried to kill him once even if they swear they just wanted to see if he can breathe underwater

I mean he kinda can but he wouldn´t be able to spend the rest of his lifetime underwater, one because he still needs air and second do you want him to miss all of his games!? or his Anime? nothing would work or survive underwater and Levi would die without his favorite entertainment! and don´t even get him start on the depth you would need to survive even with getting used to the pressure he would pop like a balloon!

but he does like the occasional underwater tours, nothing even dares getting close with a terrifying sea monster at his side and this makes it far more enjoyable because everything will try to kill you in the Devildom sea

though the big drawback is that they can´t see each other all to often he can´t go into the deep for to long and they can´t come to the surface, not only could the pressure kill them but they also aren´t used to so much light so the rare times they can meet is halved because they can only come up during night time

but this only makes the couple of times during a year they can see each other so much more special, like the moment right now he has happily explained to them a new game series he found and is waiting for their opinion on it

“so what do you think? isn´t this just the coolest game ever!?” they just looked at him without any interest at all and considering they don´t know what video games are he should have expected this “actually scratch, remember the Anime we watched 50 years ago? I found it was finally continued and it´s even good, I remember that you complained about the stupid cliff hanger” this got their interest “you mean the stupid and obvious fake out death? it took 40 years alone for me to drop that one and even then I said this destroyed the entire series for me”

“you just don´t know what a classic is it was great I don´t get why you get stuck up on such a little thing” they scowled and if he didn´t know better he would have been intimidated by the twisting of their scaly features “I don´t care what you say it was stupid and I hated it and if it ended with another fake out death I´m going to find them and destroy their office” he had to snort a bit “you and what legs”

“I don´t need legs, I can survive out of water long enough to move my way over there, destroy everything and get back into water before drying out” sometimes Levi forgets how evil they can be “okay but I like it and you won´t ruin that for me” they pretended to think, a look that Levi was far to familiar with they love messing with him “and what would you do if I did? last time you sent Lotan after me I won”

“and before that he kicked your ass and the one before that and every other time before” they pouted which frankly looked a bit odd, they don´t look Human so their Human mimic does give them a bit of the uncanny valley look “okay but to be fair Lotan tricked me”

“a rock could trick you, I love you and everything those cringey Normies say but you aren´t smart”

“and you would be torn to shreds when you were me so what´s the point?”

“nothing just pointing out it´s easy to trick you” they got close to his face and despite what he would like to say it is still intimidating to see, at least now he doesn´t faint as when he first saw them a 1000 years ago but all they did was nuzzle their head against him and what he learned is their version of a hug and the only one they can do with the lack of arms

“you act like a cringey and mushy Normie when you´re around me did you know that?” he let out a happy sigh “but only for you and no one else…” he wanted to scream it out but he managed to mutter it under his breath and as much of a Normie behavior as it would be sometimes he would love to scream out his love for them for everybody to hear

[ghouljams]

one thing i was wondering, you mentioned fae forms of konig and ghost before, how is this fae look for fae!price and fae!gaz?

to make the question more descriptive how does a fae look? What abnormality does it have?

Fae are all going to look different depending on their type and what they do. They're going to have different degrees of monstrous-ness as well. I would consider König on one end of the spectrum and Price on the other.

No two fae are going to look the same, but there are similarities between different types: animal usually resemble whatever animal they're based on, insects and flowers same deal. All fae have a similar sort of uncanny valley appearance to them for seers. There's this distinct feeling of being other that they have. Past that I think fae can look like anything. I know that's sort of a cop out, but I'll give you the Price end of the spectrum as well as a few fae OC examples from my vault.

Price: feels the most human to me in terms of fae. Not because he ever was human, but because that's just how he looks. If he were to let himself look more fae I think the most distinctive traits would be his smoke and his soot stained fingers. He might have a bit of a point to his ears as well. He feels very much like a charming devil, the man you meet in a bar that tells you he can take care of your "problem" for a price. He doesn't need to look big and scary because it's his power that's threatening, he knows and you know that he can kill you without the needless blustering of claws and scales. I think he may have had wings at some point, but he traded them for something(hopefully something good).

Gaz: Closer to the Price end of the spectrum. However, I think he also is settled squarely between Ghost and Soap. He's got the nice neat sharp teeth, the claws, the feeling of humanity cranked up too bright and loud. All of this to signal that despite being a weaver/creditor he is still fully capable of fucking you up. He's a spring fae, but the vibe is more "first hunt post hibernation" and less "flowers after the snow melts".

Tock: Moth fae. Big fluffy vibes. Fluffy fur around his neck and soft curly hair with two big antennae. Big moth wings that he usually keeps folded away. Big doe-ish eyes that hardly seem to blink. Very pretty, but a little unsettling to look at too long.

The Rose Mother: Floral fae, specifically rose fae. She's got a sort of pinkish hue to her, and very red hair. Her face is accented with petals that seem to work their way out from her eyelashes. Her teeth are made of thorns, and her blood is green as chlorophyll.

[mdhwrites]

The Lumity Kiss is Bad

Which is really weird when the actual, physical kiss is pretty much textbook perfect. However, this isn't a quick kiss or a throwaway one. It's the BIG kiss in a romantic subplot. The second half of the resolution we got in Knock Knock Knocking with the confession and the show frames it that way. As such... The kiss is more than just the kiss and it's every element around the physical action that ruins it, making even the textbook nature of it somehow flawed.

Let's start with the positive though. Now I've actually said I don't like how the kiss is animated and I do kind of stick to that. If you go to the 57 mark of this clip of the kiss, you can literally watch as Amity's face slides back to being on model.

And kind of like a lot of moments in the show with big budget animation, that's not a HUGE issue but it is deciding that frame rate and smoothness is king for good animation without considering how jarring it is to watch in the show and if it actually fits within the style of the show. I find TOH fights WAY more enjoyable to watch when isolated by themselves because of this because they aren't in an uncanny valley where they feel like a well produced fan animation than something official and I do still hold to that with the kiss itself. I just wish I could better describe why.

BUT! I said I had a positive to talk about and I do. For three seconds, the scene is just right. Luz says the date will be perfect before then Amity, looking at Luz, the person who the mere thought of was comforting her and who she's been worried about for a week, decides to go in and kiss her. Her hands are gentle as they take Luz's face and she leans in. Luz is shocked that this is happening but then quickly gives into the bliss and holds Amity's hand in her own. It is sweet, quick but incredibly impactful. It is a textbook example of how to do a kiss that one half of the pair didn't see coming and the couple are meant to be deeply in love. It's nothing new but doing the classic spot on is never a bad thing.

Those three seconds die the second Luz says, "Crikey," let alone the fact that it's in an Australian accent. And don't get me wrong: You do not have to make a kiss like this sappy. I Was A Teenage Exocolonist has a romance route with a very clinical, scientific person and when you two get together, she snarks at you if you ask what next. That I should know her well enough to know she has a logical decision deduced from what is correct for the situation.

"So are you going to kiss me or am I going to kiss you?"

Great. Amazing. Silly and not taking itself too seriously but above all else IN. CHARACTER.

I'm sorry to break it to you all but Luz is NOWHERE NEAR "Lol, random" enough for this. Hell, in both this scene and Looking Glass Ruins, the writers point out how Amity is driven to act on emotion and on what her brain pulls her towards more than Luz, especially on this topic. It's why Amity is ALWAYS the one to do the firsts in their relationship. Meanwhile, Luz's only times where she blurts out something random is "Snorses" which had a clear correlation to what was happening and "You damn rat!" which also was explicitly tied to the stimuli causing it.

What stimuli here makes her go "Crikey" and turn FUCKING AUSTRALIAN!? The only reasonable excuse I could even think of is to say she's a huge Crocodile Dundee fan but Luz was born theoretically somewhere around 2006, literally TWENTY YEARS after that movie came out and I don't feel like Camila would push something like that for her to watch or really fits in with most of what else Luz seems to enjoy.

Fucking BAZINGA would have been more in character because at least nerds still mock Big Bang Theory. Other options for a random word or reference would have been "Excelsior!" or "Wahoo!" as she jumps into the air like the hyperactive gremlin she's supposed to be.

Neither one would work though in general because the tone and framing of the scene isn't right for a joke, let alone this sort of joke. Part of what makes the kiss feel so justified in this moment is the setup... Though only on Amity's side. I'll get to the problems with Luz's setup for the kiss in a bit.

Amity has thought Luz might be dead for a week. She hasn't heard back from her, she's scared, distressed and strung out. She wants things to go back to simpler times like in Season 1 when things weren't so scary. She's emotional and is actively using the thought of Luz as a way to comfort herself. Then, out of nowhere, Luz comes in, promising romance, better times and safety, all while proving she herself is safe.

It is perfect setup in a story like this for the first kiss. Honestly, they could have gone one step farther and mentioned that they haven't even had a big kiss but they went with the missing out on the date element, which works just as well. It's nothing new but it's correct. It's good. However... It's also genuinely serious. Like this is effectively Amity laying out exactly why she likes Luz. The strength she gets from Luz. Why this relationship is important to her. It is great setup for an "I love you," or a first kiss.

It is a REALLY bad setup for a joke. However... as bad Luz's joke is... Amity's is actually worse.

"I can't believe I just did that!"

Yeah and I can't believe that in this moment that should show how far Luz and Amity have come as a couple, the strength and joy they've gained after being a couple for half a season, you're literally reacting the EXACT same way as you did when you kissed her on the cheek back in Looking Glass Ruins. It doesn't matter that you have nicknames now. That you two keep twirling each other about. Have had deep conversations about Luz's pain while Luz ignored yours. *eye twitch at Reaching Out* And it doesn't matter that in this moment, you have EVERY justification to be confident in this choice. To simply happy and overcome with emotion that your partner is simply ALIVE.

Her response should have been, "I'm so happy to see you," not literally going back an entire half a season for a cheap, repeat gag.

To be fair though, while this entire scene, from the moment it cuts to Amity talking to Emira and Edric, is obviously paying reverence to how big of a deal this is and trying to make the kiss be correct... The jokes are in keeping with how quite literally the rest of the episode treats Lumity. Remember, this episode starts with Luz claiming she'd like to pull a romantic rescue but deciding to opt out because despite having literally nothing to do with the plan, and likely being detrimental to how stealthy they need to be because fewer numbers are better here, she would rather be prepared to help Eda and King than actually break her girlfriend out from being grounded by the EC. This is despite, in Luz's own words, "You know me. I'll always choose the chaotic option." That... Isn't a good starting point.

Then the rescue is comically easy and Luz doesn't actually do any of it. It's all Gus, Willow and Hunter. Luz just gets to take the credit and get the big hero kiss, which this ABSOLUTELY IS. Amity was a damsel in distress for Luz to save, complete with a kiss for doing so. That's also without getting into how pathetically easy the save is. Like Willow doesn't even have to try to bury one dude and an abomaton ALIVE under ground. Frankly, I'm amazed that guard is still alive.

It's just a lot of stuff way too easy to be leading into what is the final payoff for your romantic subplot, let alone one that has taken up a THIRD of your story so far.

The rest of the episode isn't any better though. This should be an episode about Lumity. It starts with talking about Amity in trouble. Then it saves Amity and does the big, climactic kiss... But we haven't gotten Luz's side of the relationship yet, have we? We haven't gotten her speech like we did Amity's. We haven't gotten anything to show her deeper care for Amity and while Amity is talking about Luz's quirks and her kindness and the strength she gets from her, Knock Knock Knocking is really the closest we've gotten with "Awesome and pretty" which is vague and shallow. This is your chance to fix that.

There's even a perfect moment. Odalia threatens their relationship and says Luz isn't worthy. Have Luz agree... But then say it doesn't matter what her or Odalia think. That she is lucky to have someone as smart, dedicated, and passionate while having a sweet center that despite all her fears, anytime she's with Amity, she knows Amity is going to give her the chances she needs. Is going to understand what she's trying to say instead of looking at how weird she is and rejecting her. Take ten, twenty seconds to do that... While in the background, we can see Gus obviously thinking about something, glance at Luz, and then start working on a spell circle.

The shield comes down, get the dramatic reveal of Alador and then cut back to where Hunter is holding Amity's hand. Same effect as the show but allow Gus to make the plan of his own volition because he wants to protect his bro and this was the best he could think of. He thought Luz would be more capable of defending herself due to glyphs and that Belos was less likely to kill her than Hunter. Also, it was in a panic and the best he could think of.

INSTEAD, we get Luz ignoring Amity's problems with her parents for the THIRD FUCKING TIME and focusing on the white boy in the cast instead. In fact, I don't think Lumity talk to each other ONCE after the kiss scene. The focus is too much on the plot and Amity's angst and I could do an entire blog about how little Luz actually engages with Amity's character arc and plot elements. It makes it real rough analyzing old episodes for Amity's arc when you realize how much Amity jumps in her arc without almost any input from Luz on elements that are suddenly gone.

And this would be OKAY... But it makes the kiss feel like... Well, honestly like a gag. We're at a point in the show after all where very little of it is trying to be funny. Even Gus and King are being taken seriously now and Amity will be a joke for most of S3, especially in Thanks to Them. Even her standing up to her mother is lightly mocked by Alador sounding like he's just saying sweet lies in telling Amity that she was close to breaking the barrier. It's WEIRD the treatment of it when it has consumed so much time and the framing of the actual moment is so serious.

And I want to be clear: I am happy they kissed. I am not against this because it's two girls or anything like that. I'd criticize this no matter the gender, race, etc. of any element here because it is just flatly bad romance writing. The only parts that function are either cut off at the knees or the one part that has the characters too silent to actually harm the moment.

And I think the last thing any of us wanted for Lumity was for it to be treated like a joke.

======+++++======

I have a public Discord for any and all who want to join!

I also have an Amazon page for all of my original works in various forms of character focused romances from cute, teenage romance to erotica series of my past. I have an Ao3 for my fanfiction projects as well if that catches your fancy instead. If you want to hang out with me, I stream from time to time and love to chat with chat.

A Twitter you can follow too

And a Kofi if you like what I do and want to help out with the fact that disability doesn’t pay much.

[codexty]

Rook Headcannons: Family, life, etc.

Just cause I find him so funny

Edit: This got long! I wont apologize

You can pry the Bird Beastman Headcannon out of my cold dead hands.

I saw the idea that his siblings were named after chess peices, and I do love that but hear me out: Robin, Raven, Rook, Rosella, Ruff, Wren (hes the odd one)

Middle child energy- Rook may be a bit more extreme than his siblings, especially the older ones, but I feel like the whole family is on the same wavelength

The random mansions around the world with goverment approved portals? They are 100% black market associated. Probably animal trade or sell useful byproducts as potion ingredients. Scavengers, like the birds they are

Not ruling out some highly illegal/Immoral trades. But yeah.

Rook and each of his family may seem unassuming on their own, but when all of them are together? People can't get out of their way fast enough.

Uncanny Valley the whole lot of em. Give everyone goosebumps.

The Addams Family 100%

Probably also why you wouldn't hardly see them all together

Each sibling probably has/had a nanny and probably aren't too close with one another

Definitely "let kids roam" parents, as long as a kid showed up sometime, probably didn't care what they were up to

Rook 100% walked out of the house at 10yo with his bow and said he was off to hunt down a bear and parent Hunts were like "ok have fun! we'll taxidermy it when you get back"

One of the younger ones definitely does taxidermy

Rooks older sister knows every natural poison and even which ones can potentially be poisons when mixed with common household items!

Rook has been stabbed/trapped/poisoned by his siblings before

Hunt Parents are very much like morticia and gomez but worse parents in that they are less involved

Probably Not a lot of physical affection in the house

Dunno why, Rook just seems a bit touch starved

Probably also didn't hear much praise as a kid.

As such; Love language to give is words of affection, to receive is physical touch

Rook prior to Pomefiore smelled like blood. Just slightly mettalic tinge clingling to him constantly

Beastman in Savannaclaw gave him a WIDE berth.

Currently, smells like nothing, he doesn't wear the perfumes or scented products vil reccomends, much to vils dismay

Love the idea that vil gave him strong scented perfumes as a way to "bell the cat". Vil is mad it didn't work and is slowly getting less subtle about it, trying more and more obvious ways. Including changing the laundry detergent in the dorm to a strong scented one.

Rook is aware and finds it funny

Vil may say he tolerates Rook, but I think they were both lonely kids in a big new school and rely on each other.

Vil and Rook will probably be longtime friends if not lifelong friends. Vil heavily values having someone beside him who is unafraid to give him true, valid, critique and Vil has shown how much he values Rooks input. Rook admires Vils tenacity more than anything and will probably never leave him willingly.

They definitely fight though. Rook is a bit too callous when Vil needs a little soft and Vil is a bit too cutting when Rook could use a gentle hand and they get hurt. Will always make up, even if neither of them are good at apologizing

Or maybe one day years from now someone takes it a bit too far (probably rook) and they go a few years without talking

I can't imagine Rook in a profession besides whatever it is his parents do. Black market deals and trade probably. If someone asks he'll just say he is in Business

Rook will be a Parton of the Arts his whole life. sponsoring artists, probably from backgrounds like Neige. Will definitely be a very sketchy backer. No one will know what he does, but hes always throwing money around and who ever he finds, they will probably be the next big thing.

[chocodile]

I am curious about you're world-building seeing how their beef stew in this world would mean it comes from cows but there like furry people there as well so are there like anthro and feral furry or is there just a mess-up food chain in line lmao and would that mean herbivores can't eat alot of meat or else they get sick or not? Am just really curious so I hope you don't mind me asking all this!

Good question anon! There are indeed regular Earth-style animals in this setting (which I think will be referred to as "beasts"), and they exist alongside the "people" (furries).

As far as the relationship between people and beasts go, that depends. Some feel a sense of kinship with their animal cousins--they can read the animal's body language easier and tend to understand them a little better, so it's not uncommon to see, say, an equine equestrian for this reason.

Others find their beast counterparts to be rather "uncanny valley", similar to how some humans find monkeys creepy, and don't like to be reminded of the resemblance. This tends to be more common for those whose "species" comes packaged with negative stereotypes.

(Side note: @kwillow suggested that in the native language of this setting, there is a difference in how the animal's name and the furry species name is said/written. So someone can say the word "rat" and have zero ambiguity as to whether they're talking about Theo or the critters in his traps… unless they were intentionally trying to insult him, of course. As an English approximation, I figure "Rat" with a capital "R" would indicate a person, "rat" would indicate the animal.)

Back on topic… how strong the association is also varies between culture. In the Western Kingdom, where Hyden is from, the association between person and beast is weaker and it's fairly normal for a Rabbit to eat a rabbit. Maybe a little uncomfortable if they're weird about it, but generally accepted overall. Especially in the colder norther areas where food is more scarce, the idea of turning your nose up at an opportunity for a nutritious meal just because the animal it came from kinda looks like you would be seen as ridiculously wasteful.

That is absolutely not the case in the Eastern Kingdom. They have a HUGE taboo against eating "your own kind" and do view it as cannibalism-adjacent. This is something important to keep in mind when traveling between the two countries or meeting foreign delegates!

As for how a furry's species effects its dietary needs, they're all omnivorous to some degree, but tend to be happiest eating food their species is suited for. Usually.

Poorer classes such as peasants rarely got that much choice, though, and diet is also shaped by culture, so most people just make due with whatever food they have access to. Being a picky eater was a privilege reserved for the upper class. This is even more true in the "present" setting, after the apocalyptic magical "nuclear winter" renders the world far less hospitable… so this "present"-era dinner table with Ridge, Alex, Chicken Lady, and Hyden must have hit the jackpot to have a different type of fresh food available for each of them.

Phew, long writeup! I actually have even more thoughts on how cuisine differs across the different regions and between the "past" and "present" settings (been watching a lot of Tasting History with Max Miller lately and getting some great inspiration) and I will probably cover that topic more in another ask response. Hope that this answered your question, though! Thanks for the ask!

[ageless-soul-au]

I dunno if this has already been asked, but what do Time and Flicker think about eachother?

So we have a bad habit of changing our opinions of things when we actually get to writing it, so take this with a grain of salt bc it will b a WHILE before flicker is introduced, but!!!!!

Time is a little freaked out by Flicker, understandably, like it's very uncanny valley/existential horror-y to see a younger version of yourself be fucked up like Flicker is and see what could have happened. But at the same time, that's a baby version of him and he wants to take care of him so maybe he won't be so fucked up eventually. Flicker is dead, so there's only so much he could do for a spirit, but he's hoping to provide some closure.

Flicker looks at Time and he sees that Time wants to reach out and he wants that. He's been alone for so long, he wants company and love where he can find it, and what better place to look than yourself? Flicker looks other places too, but... Idk there's a lot of complicated stuff going on in Time's head, and Flicker is 9, not stupid, so he sees that too. He's hesitant too, and he's wary like a wild animal is, so they both kind of stand off and assess each other. Flicker knows he scares Time. He doesn't like it, but he's used to people being scared of him— even looking at himself is scary, so he covers up. He understands, but he wants to help like that hero instinct tells him to and he wants more. (Also he's jealous of Time because his adventure actually worked out and Time got to grow up and his friends don't leave him or die like Flicker's did soooo yknowww...)

It's... complicated.

-Kio

Way flicker sees it, time got to grow up big enough to do whatever he wants, he has friends, his friends didn't leave him alone, not completely, etc etc

Like, Flicker will likely pick up on the fact that Time is a lonely person, but he also understands that it's not bc of Time being alone

Which is irritating to him bc he doesnt understand why Time has such a hard time reaching out to ppl— baby has wanted to do that more than anything for forever. And Time just.... won't, for the most part

-Mizu

[heteromerous-rhyming]

when parasite (the film not the anime) came out somehow i got the impression that it was a supernatural ghost story? i watched it with a friend on the computer, and the whole time i was looking for ghosts. i was looking for when the supernatural would show up, and when i started doubting my assumption, the lights above the stairs started flickering. the lights reignited my hope and so the ending of parasite hit me like a truck filled with lemmings. like just. confusion. chaos. wtf is happening.

that is to say, the reader goes into any piece of media with certain assumptions. if i gave you a romantic comedy and told you that it was a murder mystery, you'd pay attention to the wrong things. you'd probably read it going i bet the murderer is the lover. look at how close they're getting to the main character, playing at romance. you'd miss all the cute scenes, you'd probably ignore the slow realization of feelings, you wouldn't get any of the jokes.

that is to say, these expectations are prevalent for any piece of media but specifically for adaptations. in adaptations the expectations are very evident. what good is an adaptation if it doesn't adapt? i think that i felt more of a betrayal from the show than the movies, because the movies made it clear from the start that the original books were at most a suggestion. i gave up on them being good adaptations fro the beginning. that isn't to say that the show is worse than the movies - it's not. i'd go so far as to say that the show with episode 8 manages to bring the story full circle. episode 8 hits so many highs.

but it's a bit of an uncanny valley situation for me. just close enough to the books that i constantly feel blindsided - having so many of the book scenes or scenarios but having completely different themes.

i will watch parasite again at some point. it's an amazing film and i want to be able to go into it with the right expectations. i think it's likely that i will do the same with the pjo show, if only for the actors. but i hope that if they do get a second season (which i find very likely) that the lack of any adults as they're sailing around will force the writers to focus on the children, to focus on the ways that they build relationships or respond to situations or grow on their adventure.

[tuliptiger]

Sorry but uhm TOTK kind of. The developers or leads made some bad choice all around. I'm sincerely tempted to just wait 2 more years for whatever DLC they're going to put out. Why expand horse stuff if you make them feel useless...because there isn't any way to get them to you.

They, for some reason, even got rid of the "horse can't hear you" prompt when you whistle but your horse can't "physically" get to you. There also isn't any horse teleporting saddle in sight...and I'm wondering if that was sincerely because they nuked almost everything sheika related.

Like. There is MORE stuff, there's more stuff all around the world. But it also feels emptier. I'm just so heartbroken and disappointed tbh. There's almost no new flora and fauna, the world itself hasn't been expanded upon or explored, seemingly at all. The story has been retconned and bastardized into something adjacent but not related.

Is the gameplay fun? Honestly I personally don't think so. The amount of stuff you could do and the key controls FOR all the stuff you could do in BOTW, to me, made sense and it was fun. It was manageable! I've been having a hard time remembering all the key mapping and what I can do and where in TOTK though, it's confusing for me for not a big payoff. 665 hours in BOTW and 45 in TOTK and I'm still not done, there is a LOT to do in TOTK but most of it doesn't hold a lot of substance.

I just. Man I would've made different choices I guess. More quality of life stuff, being able to buy or repair broken down areas (more than story related stuff like actually just buildings or towns or abandoned farms and stuff), filling the world with more flora and fauna. Having characters remember you for what you did in BOTW, having the story make sense, not nuking an entire civilization's achievements and also just the entire point of BOTW.

I miss my horse :( I miss how useful it was in BOTW. The machines are fine and dandy but honestly a sick ass loftwing or "living" animal companion beats the machines for me any day. The machines don't even last forever and have a weird time limit too so it's not even like you can freely fly around in the skys :((((( and they're so...clunky, the system is clunky.

Where is the personality!!! The affection and caring across the land for people and creatures and everything! I still stand by TOTK being uncanny valley of places you know but aren't right at all and it feels! Bad.

[iminaworldofpureimagination]

atla movie/atla natla thoughts from my adhd scrambled brains

I think it's silly to say the atla 2010 movie doesn't exist though I can't be mad at the silly memes that come with it. but it has a great zhao death.. and some good aang/gyatso flashbacks i mean aang made him the amulet? thats precious as shit.. tho them burying gyaso in natla is agood additon.

NATLA is not horrible or great it's simply.

OKAY..

it has a interesting tone.. going from Grim as shit to DisneyCornball vibes.. it def got me to think about how many died in the north during Zhaos attack silly me thought everyone lived

I do wish katara and aang hugged in the end it seemed like they were afraid to let the kids hugs and i dunno whyyyy...

but is it terrible? no it just.. Expostion, boring, clunky, Dallas was very good, Sokka got a few good lines, i hate that the trio kept getting seperated. aang/sokka are suppose to meet jet/bumi at the same time.. everyone was doing solo missions and it felt off.

avatar aang cgi was super uncanny valley goofy to me.

Momo was cute/Appa was fluffy i'd love to see em more esp momo.

Yues wig in the movie was better

Jet is hot

hmmm... Ozai burning zukos face was metal as fuck like brutal man. And dallas crying when ozai comes to say he's banishing. s2 zuko is gonna be sooooo goooood.. Dallas brought his A game

Gordons goofyside is wasted i hate that they deny it to us but maybe will see it in s2

I can agree that aang in the animated series going from finding gyaso body to playing on kyosih island tone is rather jarring.. so the idea of aang grieving /not being in a super good mood makes sense but really it doesn't help when all the dang avatars tell him to be friendless..

Kyoshi was the worse her characzation suckkkkeed.

Bumi i could understand on some aspect wehre he was coming from even if he annoyed me. at least him being sore/broken down from the war /being mad at aang makes sense. Kyoshi had no reason to blame aang when she knows its on Roku the war started

anyway i dont think it deserves super hate nor do i think its super great its just. okay... i get it i aws angry at it for a bit but the more i thought of it the more i thought there are bits i liked .. like dallas/Ian /momo/ so there was a bit of savalage stuff for me..

so if people love its that cool. i see zero issue or a reason why we need to be BUT acuatlly to people who loved honestly that's great. Let em love it thecast worked hard on the show. people are free to enjoy things we don't it doesn't make us better than them it just a matter of opinion

but atla fandom oh you love love.. not letting people have opinions that don't agree to yours. this fandom is so.. toxic.. critsizing is good but don't be mean to fans who enjoy things..

[wonderfulworldofmichaelford]

Is It Really That Bad?

Dreamworks has such a stellar reputation these days thanks to things like the reappraisal of Megamind as a subversive superhero masterpiece ahead of its time and The Last Wish being one of the single most epic animated films ever made, but there was a time where the studio got very little respect. You see, the studio found solid footing a lot quicker than you’d think, with the first two Shrek movies becoming smash (mouth) hits and The Prince of Egypt being an animated Biblical epic for the ages. Sure, Sinbad is the fourth biggest confirmed loss in box office history, losing Dreamworks $125 million, but they could definitely rebound with some of that Shrek money, right? Maybe, but when you bomb that hard, you’re probably in need of a little bit more cash. Clearly the best way to go about getting that is to recapture that Shrek magic with a star-studded snarky comedy full of pop culture references! What could possibly go wrong?

Well, you’ve got the lowest rated Dreamworks Animation film on Rotten Tomatoes, uncanny valley CGI that was derided even back at the time, a star-studded cast that seems overly excessive even by animated studio standards of the time, a nonsensical combination of animated fish and gangster movie tropes, accusations of racism towards Jamaicans due to the two jellyfish characters, competition from The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie and Finding Nemo, and even one of the own stars looking back on voice acting in the film as bad. That’s what could go wrong.

Still, some people look back on this movie fondly. You go to places on the internet where this movie is talked about and you’re bound to find some people saying how this movie was their childhood, and how it’s a riot, and how Will Smith is great… There has to be something to this, right? Shark Tale must have something to it if people still sing its praises, right? Is it… really that bad?

I mean, take a look at Oscar and you tell me.

Alright, alright, I’ll actually give it a fair shake. Here goes.

THE GOOD

Look, when you have this much talent in a film, you’re bound to accidentally stumble onto a few good things.

Easily the best thing in the movie is Martin Scorsese as Sykes, Oscar’s boss and the fish who most has to put up with Oscar’s boneheaded antics. The acclaimed director really shows off his funny side with this one, and the fact he has to deal with the problems of an obnoxious Will Smith fish make him surprisingly sympathetic. He’s genuinely a lot of fun, and the movie gives him plenty of screentime so you don’t have to worry about him being underutilized, and he manages to make any scene he shares with Oscar more tolerable.

Then we have the sharks. Specifically we have Robert de Niro playing the mob boss Don Lino; despite this being the most basic de Niro role you could possibly give the guy, he still manages to make it entertaining. In a broad sense, the entire shark mob gets a fair share of solid jokes, which is compounded by the bumbling octopus lackey Luca, who gets a few chuckles with his comic relief antics. Overall, our antagonists are pretty solid… and more enjoyable than our hero.

Then we have Lenny. I think Jack Black’s vegan shark is a bit of a divisive figure, but rewatching the movie, I honestly liked him and his storyline. For a movie from the early 2000s (and a comedy at that), it surprisingly tackles the topic of homosexuality in a tasteful manner. Yes, it is blatantly obvious and heavy-handed, and it’s not executed in a way that the film can make better use of it, but I think it’s a pretty bold and resonant message. If only the film had focused on Lenny and had it be his story instead of letting Will Smith’s stupid “Shark slayer” plot steal all the screentime; the movie is literally called Shark Tale, why is this not the story of the gay shark?! Why are we spending so much time with some whiny fish who lies, cheats, and acts like a dickhead to everyone around him?

Oh yeah and there’s a shark voiced by Peter “Columbo” Falk. That kinda rules.

THE BAD

Hey, I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but I do not fucking like Oscar.

Oscar is easily one of the worst protagonists ever conceived. He’s selfish, self-centered, stupid, egotistical, oblivious, obnoxious… It’s honestly mind-boggling that they cast one of the most charming and charismatic actors of all time and had him play a character antithetical to everything that he is as a performer. The entire movie is founded on him lying and taking credit for something he didn’t do, scamming multiple corporations out of brand deals in the process, gambles away his best friend’s precious heirloom and loses all the money, rarely takes responsibility for his actions… Honestly, this whole segment could just be listing all of Oscar’s negative traits and actions. And all of this could be forgivable if he was funny, but he’s not! He is utterly cringeworthy every time he attempts humor, and don’t even get me started on the romance.

Actually, no, let’s get started on the romance! Oscar and Angie’s relationship is fucking awful and toxic. This is the original Reylo right here, an unpleasant romance between characters with zero chemistry that is just overwhelmingly miserable and unhealthy. Angie refuses to communicate her feelings to Oscar and gets mad and jealous when he remains oblivious, and Oscar s just pretty callous and oblivious to Angie. There is no way any relationship with these two would actually last.

And then there’s Lola, the Angelina Jolie fish. Now, I ain’t saying she’s a gold digger… But she ain’t messing with no broke fish. Her relationship with Oscar is so blatantly telegraphed from the start as being manipulative and superficial, but he goes for it anyway. And while that is basically shoved in your face from the word go, you know what isn’t? The fact she’s able to pull some strings and work with the mob to kidnap Angie! How the fuck did she get in league with the sharks? Why did this not come up before? Why is this movie trying to frame this fish as a sexy femme fatale?

And there’s another thing: The animation in this film is abysmal, even for the time. The Shrek movies have aged more gracefully than this, and have you seen how Puss looked in Shrek 2 lately? This movie was bad even back then, with all of these fish designed to resemble their actors. Funnily enough, the more tolerable characters like Sykes and Lenny are a lot easier on the eyes (relatively speaking at least), while the worst characters are just unbelievably ugly. Angie, Lola, the jellyfish, and of course our old pal Oscar. It’s just really weird and awkward.

And maybe all of this would be easier to deal with if the film wasn’t so relentlessly unfunny and generic. When you get down to it, this is the most by-the-numbers mob movie and “liar revealed” story you will ever see. And while it’s trying to be funny, it’s generally failing miserably. Almost every joke is either a reference or an incredibly lame pun; there’s even a point where, while hamming it up, Oscar just rapid-fire spouts off movie quotes. And on top of everything else, the characters being fish really adds so little to anything that changing everyone to humans would improve things exponentially. Like it still wouldn’t be great, but we wouldn’t have to look at the aquatic version of Cats.

THE UGLY

Okay, I decided to save this for last. Ernie and Bernie, the two jellyfish, are widely viewed as Jamaican stereotypes due to their designs, voices, and singing of a Bob Marley song. They are probably the least-liked characters in the movie, and are seen by some as racist stereotypes.

The way I see it, while I don’t particularly like them, it’s not an Apu situation we have going on here, these aren’t two white guys putting on offensive accents. This is full-blooded Jamaican Ziggy Marley (the literal son of Bob Marley) and part-Jamaican Doug E. Doug playing stereotypical characters. Are they instantly not bad or offensive just because the actors match the ethnicity the jellyfish are stereotyping? No, of course not! But I do think a little context and nuance is needed here. They’re more annoying and stereotypical than outright offensive, but if you see them as offensive I can’t say I blame you. I just don’t think Marley and Doug were intentionally trying to offend.

IS IT REALLY THAT BAD?

Look, if you were hoping I’d be the shining beacon in a sea of mockery, here to tell you Shark Tale is an unsung Dreamworks masterpiece, I’m about to disappoint you. This movie is bad. Like, really, genuinely bad. You have to be seriously blinded by nostalgia to think this movie is good. It is basically “How Not To Make An Animated Film 101,” committing every single crime that made 2000s animation awful, from the bloated celebrity cast to the excessive pop culture references to the poor world building to the dance party ending.

That being said, this is an utterly fascinating bad movie. This is a film that’s fun to talk about, fun to mock, and like I mentioned above there’s still some genuinely good elements that keep this from being truly painful. This film is many things, but boring is not one of them. When it comes to “So bad it’s good” animation, this film is top tier, though your enjoyment of it will definitely hinge on how well you can stomach the terrible animation. That solid 6 is a little bit generous if I’m being honest, but at the same time, as far as bad movies go this one is an enjoyable one. I mean, what’s the Disney equivalent to this, a pop culture poisoned shitty, generic animated movie? Chicken Little. Shark Tale is a million times better than Chicken Little, so if it has one thing going for it, it’s that.

[mod2amaryllis]

disorganized Nope spoiler thoughts here we go

first I went into this with a slight amount of spoiler knowledge (I had seen something about JJ 'unfolding' and your absolutely incomprehensible posts about the name.) I think I had gotten some sense that the thing was a thing itself rather than a ship. But I didn't really. Get It. I mean, O.J. quietly saying “it's an animal.” still did absolutely put the fear in me.

It now makes some sense that you vibed so strongly with this movie on account of the whole thing with. animal behavior.

I was convinced for a while that Gordy would have something more directly to do with JJ, like an early contact incident or something. Affecting Gordy's actions or something. I was convinced that that one shoe was hovering upright unnaturally. because I still have skinamarink on the brain and I am a fool. But no that's just some shit that occurred. Background, and an illustrative example. Like the horse getting spooked in the commercial.

They really don't say a single word about Jupe's deal. They just show you some stuff and allow you to conclude that that guy sure is some kinda way.

Watched the trailers a couple times, weeks back. It's interesting to me how there is a twist, kind of, but almost everything in the trailers is proportionate to how much of it there is in the movie. Lots of stuff that sent me speculating intensely really isn't that important. Like silver helmet guy. The lady in the pink veil with the face scarring. The small humanoid creatures lurking around (which match the merch).

That last one, I resent just how scary those kids managed to be. Pulling an intense uncanny valley deal from a distance. making that scene progress reaaaaal slow. doing the appear behind him thing you know in your guts is going to happen. oj could've punched them harder and I wouldn't object.

and the tiny glimpses of them in the trailer were really creepy! those unsettled me! but no, Peterson says "alien does not mean little guys. it means alien."

OJ hardly ever making eye contact before everything.

recurring theme of sounds carrying over a great distance. people yelling to each other.

the fact that it doesn't just sound like screaming because that's unsettling. It sounds like screaming because that's what's going on.

O.J. the most good of dudes. One could maybr mistake him for being cold or disinterested, but he cares. In a very solid and stoic way, he cares so much.

They called it Jean Jacket. after Em's first horse. It was hers. she's the one that got a handle on it. she got it.

please forgive the text wall, nobody I'm close to would actually Get the ramble. 💜

brother i don't even have much to say bout this i'm just soaking in your words living laughing loving like soooooooo happy for u....i love you saying you got spoiled but didn't "get it" like the pure fear of. it's an animal. it's an animal it's hunting and eating you. It's An Animal. :)

AND SCARED BY THE JUPE KIDS SOLIDARITY FOR REAL LOL!!!! me and everyone in the theater also!!! it's honestly hilarious they freaking got us there!!

and yes. that was Em's horse. that was Em's alien.

congratulations................you've experienced........the nope hysteria <3