#I went with Hades because that's who I'm feeling lately

[burnin0akleaves]

Here's the draw six fanarts meme I decided to participate in 4 years late

In true burnin0akleaves spirit I didn't ask anyone for requests and just went ahead with all of the characters that have been the most impactful/important to me, so there is a high chance you've seen me draw these guys before.

By the way, unlike the rest of the blorbos here Siyra is an original character and belongs to @nineteen-rats!

Close-ups and rambles under the cut because it's my blog

Ohh the Dark Urge. My latest obsession. I love his design so much, I'm a slut for white/red color schemes, but I feel like it's a double edged sword that takes you out of the horrors he's commiting at the same time?

Durge is supposed to be murder incarnate, someone that does every fucked up thing related to death imaginable; but when you see a giant lizard eating babies or humping corpses, it dulls the effect a bit since you automatically view it as an animalistic act. Dragonborns are obviously a fully sentient humanoid race in-universe; but when the violence you're seeing is already toeing the line between horrifying and hilarious, seeing a scalie doing it just pushes it over the line. I still think it works really well most of the time and I'm very glad that this is the default durge we get! It's just funny to me that when you choose to play as the giant lizard, the dark and disgusting horror story turns into the hilariously edgy bloodfest.

Reminding everyone again that Siyra belongs to @nineteen-rats! I love this man so so so much. I am the Siyra fandom. I am the number one Siyra fanartist. He did nothing wrong and I will defend his every decision. I also hope terrible horrors befall him and that his actions keep him awake for the rest of his life. Pookie bear xoxo

COMING IN WITH THE STEEL CHAIR IT'S WILL TREATY

He is on my mind, always. I don't talk about him as much but he's probably still the fictional character who had the most impact on me as a person.

PATROCLUS! PATROCLUS!!! SIR I'M YOUR NUMBER ONE FAN!!

I got into patrochilles and the Illiad in general thanks to "The Song of Achilles". It was one of the first queer books I got to have in real life and the prose captivated me instantly, I still have it on my shelf. After reading the Illiad itself however, I hate that book so much. I'm sorry it's genuinely beautiful and I get why people like it but I can never forgive that horrible Patroclus characterization after seeing what he was originally like. Achilles too for that matter.

Hades swooped me up into its arms like I was a sick baby bird and nursed me back to health with its portrayal of the two though and for that I am forever grateful. I can't wait for Hades 2, death to Chronos.

God Half-Life is such an important series for me. My dad would let me play through a few levels since I was a child, he grew up with the games, but I REALLY played through the entire series one summer shortly before dad moved out. He was there watching me play most of it and getting to enjoy someone actually translate the game's dialogue for him for the first time.

Gordon may not speak once but I like the hints of his personality we get throughout the games, most importantly from the way Alyx talks to/about him. I have my own characterization of him obviously but I do really think you can get a good understanding of the kind of man he is meant to be in-universe just by paying attention to his surroundings. Also another reason the games were so immersive for me is that I'm just as in love with Alyx as Gordon is. I must have let her get hit only once or twice the entire time just out of how protective I was over her. I'd topple the entire Combine empire just for her hand in marriage. I rewatched the ending of Half Life Alyx recently and cried.

I read the entirety of LOTR in one week in 11th grade, carrying that damn brick of a book everyday to school and back. I'm so glad I did honestly. Frodo and Sam are my important little guys and I find myself going back to them when I need something to calm me down in a way no other series except LOTR can. I've read most of Tolkien's work at this point, but nothing captivated me like those two little hobbits. Everytime I read a bad take about their relationship I sketch them making out.

People liked seeing my drawing process before so here's the original sketch and the little notes I wrote to myself trying to set the mood. I followed like half of them.

[deathmetalunicorn1]

OMG HIII, HALOOO 🦀 (that one silly video of that little crab waving at the camera. That's me)

I was invited to a wedding recently and I did cry because I'm friends with the bride and all, and it kind of got me thinking back home, how would our good ol' dads react to their daughter coming out in her wedding dress before the wedding? It'd be adorable, or emotional, perhaps? Who knows!

Dad characters: QSH, Shiva, Poseidon, Nikola, Hades and Jack + big sis Brunhilde because we love her in this household!

-This day was here much sooner than they were prepared for, seeing their precious Y/N being married, and they weren’t sure they were prepared just yet.

-They liked your fiancée, finding him respectful and more likeable than your other boyfriends you had in your past.

-However, now that this day was finally here, they were questioning if they should talk you out of it, which he was quick to curb, as he knew how happy you were. They weren’t going to dampen your happiness.

-When it got closer to, they got nervous, as you had asked them to walk you down the aisle, and you wanted to surprise them in your dress before the ceremony would start.

-Your voice called out to them, “(Favorite), are you there?” they responded back to you, “Yes-yes I’m here.” You smiled softly, hearing their slight stutter, showing that they were nervous, as you inhaled and stepped out from behind the curtain.

-Instantly in tears, a huge smile on his face, seeing you beaming at him, twirling like a fairy in your pretty dress as they stood, approaching you. Was in awe on how stunning you looked, cupping your cheek softly and pecking your forehead, “You look beautiful Y/N.” you smiled up at them, opening your arms for a hug which they instantly gave to you. Was proud to walk you down the aisle, feeling a sense of pride being at your side, knowing that you would be in good hands, or else.

            -Adam, Brunnhilde, Hades, Jack, and Qin Shi Huang

-Instantly ugly crying, holding his handkerchief to his eyes as he sobbed out, “MY BABY!!!” which made you laugh warmly as he couldn’t stand you looking so beautiful, gushing while sobbing loudly. You were several minutes late to the ceremony as you had to help calm him down, but you held his hand, and he could tell you were nervous too, which made him smile softly down at you, giving you words of encouragement.

            -Ares, Shiva, and Nikola

-His eyes went wide, mouth falling open just slightly as he was stunned, seeing you in your wedding dress. He knew that you were going to be stunning, but to see you there now, you looked like an angel, his little angel. He slowly stood and came over, a swell of pride filling his chest as he embraced you, “You may be getting married, but you’re always my little girl.” You smiled up at him, seeing tears threatening to fill his eyes, but never falling. He walked you down the aisle and threatened your fiancée one last time, whispering that if he hurt you, he was going to break him, which made your fiancée smile, knowing that was just how he showed he cared.

-Poseidon, Beelzebub, and Odin

[polskasroka]

If we can't have ody's family in hades 2, let's at least have diomedes (more thoughts on "who are we gonna reunite ody with?" under the cut)

I can't wait for that hades 2 major update not only because of the big plot with chronos

I'm curious about what we're gonna be dealing with when it comes to odysseus

It's quite clear that odysseus-mel relationship is supposed to be the parallel of achilles-zag relationship from the first game. But while in the first game, the devs smoothly decided to reunite achilles with pat (as they should! The boys deserve it!), the situation with odysseus isn't too plain, as some have mentioned on here before.

The fact that it's said in-game that ody and his family went separate ways, kind of implying that things ended (did they? Did they really end?) in a friendly manner, makes me think that, sadly, we won't get to reunite him with penelope and telemachus.

Then we have circe. And if the devs go that way, I'm gonna cry. Just no. Supergiant, don't go that way, at least when it comes to anything romantic. Just no. I know they take their creative liberties when it comes to the iliad and the odyssey BUT idk if reuniting with someone who forced you to do certain things to save your crew is a good idea like ever

So I've lately come up with the idea that in order to fix the problem, the devs could actually go for putting diomedes into the game. Or maybe menelaus even. Why not reunite old friends (or whatever they had going on tbh, the iliad and the odyssey can be interpreted in certain ways iykwim)

Or idk, make him reunite with argos. Finally, the dog won't die at the end of the story

I feel like those things are rather impossible but hey! I wasn't expecting to see the man the myth the legend odysseus in my hades 2 game, so who knows?

[crescencestudio]

hi there! i'm so curious about this and unsure if you've answered (but really want to know), if van is placed in a situation similar to orpheus and eurydice, him in orpheus's place, would he look back or continue walking forward?

❝ A love that transcends lifetimes... ❞

-------

“It’s a shame. His works were so good before they died.”

“I heard he went to hell and back for them. Like, literally Hell.”

“What? Don't tell me you believe that? Rumors nowadays… People just say whatever they want.”

-------

I poured over my new drawing. Black, charcoal etchings swept over the canvas, filling in the crevices left behind by my forceful strokes.

The pieces came faster now. Ironic, given my muse was...

Gone.

But this was the only way I could still feel their presence. The only way I could remember the warmth of their skin, or the safety in their caress.

If I wasn't creating art, the only thing I would feel was their absence.

"Your grief is unbearable."

Who--? The new voice tore me from my drawing, and before me stood a figure clothed in obsidian robes. The shadows lapping at their feet, the smell of ancient, untouched dust, the chill of the room. This was...

"Death."

"Hades, actually. Death is Thanatos."

They stepped forward, and with that simple movement, it was as if my bones turned to ice.

"You artists and your grief--your love that surpasses even death itself. Can't you give me a break? I'm just doing my job."

"Give you a break? What do you...?"

"I could feel your grief from the Underworld. Calling for me. Pulling at me. Nothing could be more aggravating."

"...Shall I make you an offer?"

Hades wanted to make me an offer?

"I'll let you into the Underworld, and you can retrieve your beloved. If both of you make it back to the land of the living, they can return with you. But keep in mind, you may only look forward, never back at them. Fail, and you can never be with them again, not even in Death."

"Fair warning: artists like you never succeed."

"I'll do it."

-------

"Remember. Only look towards the land of the living. Never back to the land of the dead."

"I remember."

Next to me, my love shifted in and out of vision--a mere shade of the person they once were. But it was them nonetheless, that I was sure of.

And we were going to make it out of here. That I was sure of.

When they were ready, I walked forward. I focused on nothing but the light of our realm to guide me.

The journey was longer this time, more strenuous. Was it because Hades wasn't here to guide us?

We passed Elysium and the River Lethe, crossed River Styx and the guardian Cerberus. The rocks around us were familiar now. No longer were they tainted with the shadows of Death. Now, there was light.

Behind me, my love's steps were heavier now. The shade of Death was dissipating, replaced with the weight of the living.

We were close.

Through the caverns we walked, until sunlight broke through the crevices. It took everything in me not to start running--I couldn't leave my love behind now of all times.

The air was warmer now! Just a couple more steps and--

I stumbled on the rocks beneath me and crashed harshly onto the ground. There were hands on me, helping me and lifting me up again. Their words were nothing more than a whisper on the wind, yet I could understand them clearly:

"Are you okay?"

"Yes, I'm..."

As I turned to reassure them, I realized my mistake too late.

The shadows of the Underworld rushed forward, grabbing hold of their silhouette and pulling. All semblance of life they had regained faded in an instant, and they were returned to the shade they once were. I called their name, reached out to take hold of their hand.

But it was futile.

Death took hold of them once more, and I was left alone. Again.

"Do not despair."

Something whispered to me. Voices upon voices layered upon each other, echoing off every corner of the cavern.

"Who...?"

"Your Fate does not end here."

"What are you talking about? Who are you?"

"We have watched your plight for generations upon generations. For as long as Time itself has existed. You and your Fated lover."

"Tell us. When you asked for the Fates' help all that time ago, did you foresee the pain it would bring? The destiny to relive this very moment over and over?"

"I don't understand."

"We suppose you would not. The River Lethe is known to have that effect on mortals."

"It is no matter. We look forward to seeing how the Strings of Fate determine your destiny in the next life."

"There's no point in seeing the next life if I can't be with my loved one."

"Do you say that because of Hades's offer? Do not worry, mortal."

"Even Death must abide by Fate."

-------

❝ ...but not one that transcends Death ❞

[bru1sed-apple]

Fic recs!! :3

Percy jackson

Seven days and seven nights

A warning, a storm, and Will’s world gets flipped upside-down. Day 11: Storming

Finally, where i'm meant to be

Percy huffs as Annabeth attacks his hair with a comb. “I don't get why this is such a big deal to you, it looks fine.” “Of course you wouldn’t understand. You’re a boy,” she says matter of factly. As she finishes combing his hair to within an inch of its life, she forces him onto the edge of the tub, looming over him with her arms akimbo. “Alright Seaweed Brain. Because you’re clearly insistent on ruining your natural curls, I’m staging an intervention.” He doesn’t like the glint in her eye. It’s the same look she gets when she’s about to execute a particularly deadly battle strategy. All he can do is nod. Or: Annabeth shows Percy how to take care of his hair. Fluff ensues.

The healing sun

You are Asclepius. You are 9 and just want to help people. Your father is kind, and warm, and you love him dearly. Or, a look at a relationship hindered by loss but persevering through love. Asclepius and Apollo throughout the ages.

Eclipse

According to the prophecy, Will has to go to on a quest to Tartarus. According to Apollo, that isn’t going to happen, even if it means he has to break the Ancient Laws.

demand nothing less (than transformation)

Dad is quiet for a moment, stroking her hair. Then, with a surge of his usual flamboyant excitement: “At what time is your date?” Kayla blinks. She pulls back a little to look at Dad. He’s still a little blurry from the tears, but she feels much calmer now. “He’s picking me up at six. …Why?” Dad’s eyes—cobalt blue—sparkle. Literally. “We’re going to dress you to the nines.” (or: apollo loves his daughter. he also loves fashion. even better is when the two intersect.)

Bad sons

Hades turned to the demigods that were still kneeling. “I need to speak with Will Solace,” he said to the shocked room, in the tone he could have used to say “I came to ask if one of you could lend me a pen.” “Alone,” the god added after a moment, staring right at Nico. Or, Will and Nico go on the stupidest quest ever. And it’s all Apollo’s fault.

Dawn Rises From the East

During the Battle of Manhattan, Michael Yew fell into the East River; his body was never found. Two years later, a homeless kid known only as Ferret has a chance encounter that changes everything he knows.

Yuri on ice

dismantle. repair.

Viktor is standing across the street waving. Despite himself, Yuuri smiles, even as he realizes his shopping will have to wait. He waves back. There’s a man in a white coat behind Viktor. A stranger, except that he’s standing too close. A fan, maybe, or a sleazier member of the paparazzi. He’s raising his hands, and Yuuri opens his mouth to shout at him to not touch Viktor and then— And then there’s the screech of brakes as the car stops, too late. Viktor’s legs are sticking out at odd angles from underneath it. A sheen is spreading across the asphalt beneath him. Like oil. Like blood.

icebreaker

Yuuri's husband is possibly not as oblivious as he seems, because he grins and asks, "Have you never looked up Yuuri?" "There's a porn actress with the same name who went into politics," says Nate, "so she's most of the results, and some stuff about figure skating." "Some stuff about figure skating," Victor says ruefully to Yuuri.

Love Born in the Eye of the Storm

After a snowstorm cancels their return flight and all the hotels are overbooked, Yuuri decides to detour home to wait it out. He offers to let other stranded skaters stay at Yuu-topia, he just didn't know one of them was Victor Nikiforov.

Glory is two steps away

Yuri Plisetsky and Yuuri Katsuki are about as different as cats and dogs, which is to say they have no reason of ever even being acquaintances. Through a stroke of luck, as well as a couple dozen cat pictures, a tight friendship blossoms instead. On their own each skater stands out just fine, but together they shine, pushing each other past previous limits and onto the golden road of victory. Of course, there is still the living legend to worry about, but he's currently too besotted to lace up his skates, so... Or: The Bathroom Scene™, but it goes a little differently. Just enough to that Yuri has a new friend and Victor stays in Russia, but manages to pine all the same.

It ain't much, it's only everything

Yuuri read the headline - “Top Skater and Model Viktor Nikiforov Finds Soulmate!” Oh.

Avatar the last Airbender

Unpathed Waters, Undreamed Shores

The Water Tribe has kept the secrets of the sea-walkers, a gift of transformation that grants those blessed a tail and the ability to breathe underwater, away from the eyes of the rest of the world forever, and this secrecy has only become more important in light of the seemingly unending war and conquest of the Fire Nation. Sokka, as the last warrior and sea-walker in his village, knows this more than most. So when he finds himself accidentally pulled onto a Fire Nation ship, he chooses to stay aboard as their would-be "captive" rather than reveal the Water Tribe's secrets. But what he couldn't have imagined was that while aboard this ship, he'd form an unlikely bond with the exiled prince of the Fire Nation. This tenuous friendship grows into something considerably stronger the longer this pair navigates the biases created by their upbringings, the constant clash of their two worlds, and their feelings for each other. But there are still secrets and conflicts that can't be erased, and it's up to each of them to decide if they'll choose the worlds they're used to or fight for a new world where they can be together.

Golden hour

Zuko just stopped into the library to pick up a book for his uncle. Naturally, he ends up leaving with four books and a crush on the children's librarian.

Marvel cinematic universe

Persistence hunting

"You need food, Rocket. Worse than me. A hell of a lot worse than me, and I'm worried about you. We have water, neither of us are hurt, but both of us will die eventually if we don't eat. And I can hunt down one of those," he said, pointing off into the distance at a four-legged ungulate of some kind, grazing on the tough grass. "Neither of us have any weapons, genius. You're gonna just run up to it and crack it on the head with a rock?" "No," Peter said. "I'm gonna run it down and slit its throat."

how tony stark won the break-up and became the #1 househusband of NY

Tony Stark accidentally becomes every bored housewife's favourite Avenger.

Criminal minds

Understanding Dr.Reid

Fran, Desiree, and Sarah Morgan meet Spencer Reid, the intricate man who stole Derek's heart. What happened at the Morgan house during Profiler, Profiled. Pre-slash Morgan/Reid.

Psych

Complementary Souls

Everyone has a joke or funny story that only their soulmate will laugh at. No one has ever laughed at Carlton's dead clown story. Until today, that is.

[justonemorechapternicercy]

Merry Christmas, sweetie! Love you, @unbeknownstunknown

"Nonna's going to love you," Nico promised for what seemed like a hundred times.

"Sure," Percy nodded, not at all convinced. "Because I have such a great track record with being loved by your family members."

"You know you and Poseidon are also included in my family, right?" Nico asked lightly.

Percy deadpanned, not amused for the slightest.

"The di Angelos are awesome. They took me in when they realized I was family, they didn't mind when I told them I was a demigod as some of them are clear sighted, and they helped me deal with my trauma. They are loving and open-hearted. They will love you, if not for anything else, because I love you, but I know they will find you adorable."

For a moment, they walked in silence, before Percy sighed. "I'm just scared. It's one thing to be disliked by your father, who has more than one reason to hate me besides me being your boyfriend. But it's completely different to be disliked by people who have no preconceptions about me. What if even without the underlying issue of me being the son of my father, and constantly being disrespectful towards gods, I'm still not good enough for you?"

Nico stopped, staring at the loveliest person alive. He always knew Percy had self-esteem issues, but he didn't think-

"Percy, you are the love of my life. And I don't say that lightly. I've been in love with you ever since I first met you, and believe me, I know all about your worst qualities. I love you with those, not in spite of them. I look at you, and I see us getting old together. Nothing can make me change my mind. Not even my family."

Taking Percy's hand into his, he pressed a kiss on each knuckles. His boyfriend blushed, a small smile adorning his face.

"I love you too. Okay, let's go now. We don't want to be late!"

Nico continued holding Percy's hand as they walked up the porch of the di Angelo home. Previously, they lived in a dangerous neighborhood, in a small apartment, but Hades, in a weird show of honor (?), fatherly love (?), guilt (?), or something else, decided to pay for a new home for them in the suburbs. The fight between the Lord of the Underworld, and nonna di Angelo would be recounted by generations of di Angelos.

The door burst open before they even had a chance to knock and Nico was nearly knocked over as he was suddenly enveloped in a hug, curly white-gray hair just brushing against his cheeks.

"Niccolò! Bambino, mi sei mancato!" The woman said, and Percy was floored.

That voice… that rapid fire Italian… that petite, yet strong woman…

"Ciao, nonna," Nico replied, visibly melting into the hug. And if the grandmother was the person Percy thought it was, he wasn't surprised. Luisa San Lorenzo - nee di Angelo??? - gave the best hugs in the world. And that's saying a lot when one was the son of Sally Jackson.

The small woman stepped back to critically look over the young man, black eyes so similar to Nico's. Percy felt so foolish.

"I'm doing okay, nonna, don't worry. I took care of myself," Nico said, raising his hands to defend himself.

"You are still way too skinny. Will have to feed you," grumbled the woman, and as she took a breath to start another tirade, she noticed Percy standing awkwardly behind her 'grandson'.

Her eyes widened, a little gasp escaping from her mouth.

"Ciao, nonna," Percy repeated Nico's earlier words with a shy smile, looking down at his shoes, feeling like the young little boy he was at the last time he spoke those words.

"P-Percy… my boy," she breathed.

"Wait. You two know each other?" Nico asked in confusion, but the two of them ignored him.

"Come here, my boy!" She opened her arms, and Percy almost threw himself into her hug that he misses so much. "I was so worried when your mother got kidnapped and you went missing. That disgustoso maiale just kept inviting over reporters and bimbos, not caring about you at all, and then suddenly you two got home, and he disappeared, and you disappeared…" her Italian accent became stronger and stronger the longer she talked, and it was almost too fast to follow her.

"I missed you too, nonna Luisa," he confessed. She got quiet and her hug became almost crushing. "We got better. We moved out. My mom became a writer, she has a much better husband now, and I have an adorable little sister. I'll have to introduce you to Estelle. The next time-" Percy stopped. Was he being too presumptuous?

"The next time you two visit us, bring her. And that mother of yours. I might not agree with her about some things, but you grew up into a lovely young man, so I can't stay angry at her forever, can I?"

The relief Percy felt at her words brought tears in his eyes. He quickly blinked them away, but the feeling remained. He loved her so much.

"How are you? And Gianna? The little ones?"

"Oh!" Luisa blinked. "Come in! I'm a terrible host. Sul serio, Luisa, dimenticandoti così…"

"Percy?" Nico asked again as they walked inside, following the whirlwind of a woman.

"You remember when I told you about the family I spent time with when my mom was working and Smelly Gabe was… one of his moods?"

Nico nodded, then the realization drowned on him. "They were-?"

"Yes."

"Oh wow!"

"Whoo!" A girl yelled, and before they could realize what was happening, she threw herself at Nico.

"Wha-?" He asked, staggering backwards a few steps, suddenly finding himself with an armful of brunette teenager.

"You visited us such a long time ago!" She pouted, and opened her mouth to say something else, when she notices Percy.

"B-big brother?" She stammered.

"How's my little Star?" He asked, opening his arms. She jumped off of Nico just to throw herself into Percy's waiting arms.

"Percy! It is you!" She exclaimed excitedly. "I missed you."

"I missed you too, Stella. Now, come, let's sit down and then you can tell me everything about what happened to you."

"Nico!" A door slammed, and little feet slapped on the wood.

"That would be Elli," Stella said. "They are my cousin, and they adore Nico."

A little kid around six years tan towards Nico.

"Il mio Sole," Nico shouted, lifting then up to make them fly.

Percy ached.

"Ugh," Stella mimed to be sick. "You are disgusting," she drawled as her eyes jumped from Percy to Nico and back. "It's kinda cute, but don't tell anybody I said that."

"I just… he is just so good with kids," Percy sighed like a besotted fool, as Nico listened to the little kid's tale on how they lost their teeth.

"Who are you?" Came the suspicious voice from Elli.

Nico smiled, turning them around to introduce them each other. "He is Percy, my boyfriend."

"You like Nico?" They asked, studying Percy who felt like he was under the microscope. It was a weird feeling to be intimidated by a little kid, but these di Angelos all had the ability to turn his life upside down.

"I do," Percy said seriously.

They narrowed their eyes. "We'll see," they said, the finished telling their story.

Stella laughed at Percy's face, and even Nico smiled mischievously.

-

As the night went on, they all became more and more comfortable, swapping stories and having a good time. They met with new and old friends, played boardgames, joked around and felt like a family. Elli still tried to intimidate him, but it was more adorable than scary, so Percy wasn't that worried. Nonna, on the other hand… she was a force to be reckoned with. When she realized Percy was a demigod too, and that even after all these years, the gods still depended on them, she became scarier than anything they faced before. It was a nice thought that she was angry for them, not at them.

"Visit us more, okay? Don't be strangers!" Luisa said when it was time to part.

"We will," Nico promised, and they left with a smile on their faces.

[genericpuff]

How has rekindled impacted your original work? Ive seen some people on the ULO subreddit asking about it 👀

Ouu, great question, but buckle up because that means I'm about to go off LMAO

I'd say it's less that Rekindled has impacted my original work and more like my original work has impacted/influenced Rekindled? Like, there are so many things in the original LO that I can totally resonate with, from its character archetypes to some of its (attempted) themes, so making Rekindled has unexpectedly become a really good fit just because I've been spending the last decade working on a project that now feels like part of the groundwork for it. It's like Time Gate unknowingly became the training manual for Rekindled. Obv that's not 100% true because Rekindled is just a foefiction project I started up out of spite, but the only reason I'm able to write and draw Rekindled as it is now is partly thanks to Time Gate and all the blunders I made and learned from working on it the past 10+ years.

And if you don't believe me when I say that LO and subsequently Rekindled have a lot in common with Time Gate? Hoo boy, there are a ton of big and little things that can be pointed out between them. Whether that means I was always meant to make a foefiction for LO or if Rachel and I are both just that basic, no matter what the underlying explanation is it worked out well and I think it's why I enjoy working on Rekindled so much, it feels like a fresh twist on an old look.

CW: blood, violence, mild mention of trauma

Like, you want the dichotomy between Persephone and her wrathful side? Have some Uzuki and her parasitism.

You want the reluctant relationship between Hades and Persephone who are from completely different worlds and have no business working together? Have some Uzuki and Mitsuhiro.

You want the interpersonal conflicts and contrasting worldbuilding of Olympus and the Underworld? Unifreya (the Light Realm) and the Trinity's Vigil (the Dark Realm).

Shit, we even have a self-insert OC who's a victim of severe physical and mental trauma who doesn't remember what she went through because the guy she's with took matters into his own hands and erased her memories of what she went through, instead of allowing her to make her own decisions in her healing.

And yes, we've got a tyrannical time-manipulating god, too.

Anyways, all that aside, I've definitely been finding people going back and reading Time Gate since I started Rekindled, my monthly view count has also gone up since I went on hiatus with it, so I suppose Rekindled has impacted Time Gate in that way. Though it's no guarantee that if you like Rekindled you'll like Time Gate, it's quite an old series and it's gone through a lot of growing pains LOL but it definitely shares a lot of the same characterizations and themes so it at least has that going for it! See what I'm like when I'm not purely writing out of spite LMAO

Speaking honestly - and just because it's been on my mind a lot lately so your question was perfectly timed - I've been struggling to get back to Time Gate. On the one hand it's been great to work through the burnout by pre-occupying myself with another, fresher project (Time Gate's been on hiatus since about December/January), but on the other hand it's making it harder to get back to Time Gate because that's like asking me to try and squeeze into old outfits that don't fit me anymore? Like, I still love the style and the aesthetic, I still totally want to wear it, but I'm trying to figure out how to transition it into a bigger size that fits better. IDK if that analogy works here but that's just the first thing that came to my mind... and as I said above, it's been on my mind a lot lately.

I'm hoping, at the very least, that anyone who does find Time Gate through Rekindled enjoys it. I'd like to get back to it eventually, I just don't know when that time is. This isn't my first burnout sesh, I know I'm capable of bouncing back as I have many times in the past, but right now it just doesn't feel like a comfortable fit. I need to rest, to do other things, to give my brain something new to chew on. Rekindled is definitely helping a lot with that, especially with all the similarities it naturally shares with Time Gate, it's like I get to have my cake and nibble a bit of it too LOL I owe it a lot for that and I hope I can some day make room for both Time Gate and Rekindled. I have a feeling they'd get along great.

[misscoolisback123]

A fun Headcanon of Erehisu and Rivamika:

"Hadestown" Rehearsal:

Levi: Damn it!

Mikasa: What's wrong?

Levi: The lyrics for one of the songs says that I'm playing a mean old boss!

Historia: With a silver whistle and a golden scale.

Eren and everyone else, including Mikasa: An eye for an eye!

Levi: Yeah, yeah, I get it!

Hanji: Cheer up, Levi! At least you're playing one of the main characters!

Mikasa: Yeah, honey. Plus, you won't be kissing anyone. In fact, you won't be kissing anyone at all, really.

Pieck: Well, that sucks

Historia: Yeah! They're so cute together!

Levi and Mikasa both blush.

Me: Alright, everyone! Listen up!

Everyone gathers around me for instructions

Me: Okay, so I got the cast list for your understudies posted, everyone go check them out!

Everyone looks at the bulletin board to see who their understudy is

The Fates: Mina Carolina, Ino Yamanka, and Temari

Persephone: Frieda Reiss and Nanao

Hades: Madara Uchiha and Erwin Smith

Hermes: Deidara

Orpheus: Ichigo Kurosaki and Ulquiorra Cifer

Eurydice: Rukia Kuchiki and Orihime Inoue

The band: Naruto Uzumaki, Kiba, Shikamaru and others

Passengers and shades: Kenpachi, Yachiru, and others

Eren: Ha! As if this Kurosaki guy can do better than me!

Ichigo: The fuck did you say!?

Rukia: (sighing) Ichigo calm down.

Historia: You too, Eren! Plus, you have a second understudy, just like how Mikasa, Levi, and I each have two as well.

Frieda: That's right dear sister!

Orihime: I can't believe I get to be a part of one of Broadway's biggest hits!

Historia: Hello Ichigo, Rukia, and Orihime! I'm so glad you get to be in the show!

Eren: Where's Ulquiorra?

Ulquiorra comes in walking with baby Nel Tu

Ulquiorra: Sorry I'm late. I had to pick up Nel from preschool.

Byakuya Kuchiki: Same here.

Me: Hi honey!

Byakuya Kuchiki: Hello there my love!

Everyone is chatting with each other

Byakuya and I kiss

Frieda: (whispering) Hey Mikasa and Nanao! I hear that Byakuya might propose later to the director.

Nanao: Actually, it already happened

Mikasa: She said yes to him!

Frieda: When did this happen?

Yachiru: This is gonna fun, Ymir Fritz! But I'm kinda bummed that Kenny didn't get the part of Hades.

Levi: Hey kid, did you just say Kenny?

Kenpachi: Sure, she did why?

Levi: Oh, nothing! I thought that she was talking about my uncle

I hand out the scripts to each understudy

Historia glances at Eren several times

Rukia: Hey, Historia. You keep at that Eren guy

Orihime: Yeah! Do you like him or something?

Historia: What me? Him?

Historia is trying not to admit her feelings for Eren

Ichigo: That Historia girl keeps looking at you

Eren: Really? Her?

Eren is flustered as well

Ulquiorra: Just admit that you have feelings for her

Eren: What should I say to her?

Deidara: Tell her that your love for her is like a truck. Berserker!

Levi shakes his head

Levi: Don't say that, Eren

Ulquiorra: Just be yourself

Eren starts walking towards Historia

Historia: What should I say to him?!

Rukia: Just take a deep breath and relax

Orihime: Tell him you dream of him every night!

Rukia and Mikasa shake their heads

Frieda: No! That sounds creepy!

Mikasa: Just be yourself. I did that with Levi

Historia nods

Eren and Historia both bump into each other

Eren: Hey, Historia

Historia: Hey Eren

Eren and Historia: I've liked you for a really long time and I was

Historia: You have?

Eren: Yeah! Since senior year of high school

Historia: How come I never noticed you before?

Eren: Because you were dating Reiner

Historia: Oh, that's right! To be honest, I never felt anything for him. Everyone kept saying that we were high school sweethearts and that we would get married, but I didn't feel that at all

Eren: I could tell that you were faking it the whole time. Hell, you even went by a different name! It was Krista

Historia: Guilty as charged! Being Krista was exhausting.

Eren: I was so glad when you dropped that persona.

Historia: When I met you in college, I knew that you were a guy that I could trust. I remember when I first told you my real name and a massive weight was lifted off my shoulders.

Eren: I remember that, too.

Orihime: (whispering) This is so cute!

Me: I know, right? This reminds me of how Ichigo and Rukia got together!

Rukia and Mikasa: Ah shit!

Orihime: Where did you come from?!

Me: I've been here the whole damn time!

Eren: So do you...

Historia: Yes!

Eren: Really? That's great! I'll meet you after rehearsals

Historia gives Eren a kiss on the cheek, and he stands there blushing

Nel Tu: Papa. I'm sleepy.

Ulquiorra: I know, sweetie, but there's nowhere for you to rest

Orihime: He's such a wonderful father.

Historia: I saw you looking at him a few times yourself

Orihime: No I wasn't!

Me: Alright, everyone tomorrow, everyone needs to be at the top of their games!

Everyone responded to me, and they all begin to leave

Orihime looks at Levi and Mikasa, Ichigo and Rukia, and now Eren and Historia holding hands looking at each other with love

Orihime doesn't want to admit it, but she does have feelings for Ulquiorra. She loves seeing him being gentle with his daughter Nel

Orihime: Maybe I should tell him how I feel about him!

I added some Ichiruki and Ulquihime in there as well! I hope you enjoyed it, and I might have a continuation of this Headcanon. I might actually have Kenpachi as Hades if I continue this Headcanon!

[chemicalbrew]

@elendsessor listen, I love your blog and the way you curate stuff!!! that comment was honestly self-defeatist on my part, and I'm sorry if it made you doubt yourself, you're one of my absolute favorite mutuals at the moment (even though we don't talk, your blog is so awesome!), and I was genuinely worried you'd not follow me back when you remade, wahhh (mostly because I barely post fandom lately, and all I do is lazily scroll my dash and scout the katana zero tag, and I am so self-conscious about how much i love kz these days... i gotta stop with that)

ANYWAY!! back to your original inquiry, at full force

9. worst part of canon

stealth levels in games that are not otherwise about stealth tend to be quite ruinous. off the top of my head, two examples I am forever a little salty about are Ghost Trick and Katana ZERO (though it's partially optional in the latter - I always opt to kill my way through the prison on replays)

For Ghost Trick, that's legitimately the only issue I have with it. For Katana ZERO, however... the ending stretch of the plot is somewhat poorly paced\unsatisfying compared to everything else + hard mode is genuinely unbalanced to the point where I actually gave up on it last month (but god, the itch to play more has not left)

SMT4: rapid-fire complaints from someone who hasn't played other SMTs yet: most of the plot after the Tokyo reveal felt weak, the game needed to be a little more obvious early on about how your choices matter, I wish Flynn had a bit more personality, just to match his companions, the Isabeau twist in particular sucks ass, Burroughs turning out to be a goddess sucks even more, App Point costs were unbalanced, they could have afforded to use multiple asset sets for Domains, I didn't like the prospect of endgame grinding.

I said Chrono Trigger is perfect, but that's only if you ignore what follows after (especially the tie-ins attempted in CTDS). I still do not have it in myself to wholeheartedly love Chrono Cross

Pyre is a wonderful game, but the second half of it was a huge drag and could stand to be less repetitive

Hades has an ending that basically ruins the rest of the plot and it's BAD. also, endgame grind is way too tedious and the progression system can break in places

Brandish 1: the remake doesn't have speed options like the original game did, Tower is a bland-looking stage with awkward music, boss music in this game is uninspired outside of HEADLESS Brandish 2: literally nothing important to the larger narrative happens in this game when you think about it, endgame is not fun and absolutely ridiculous (I get why, but this is truly old school game design at its worst), boss music still sucks (most of the OST outside of the opening hour is honestly weak), there's a different Tower and it sucks for different reasons (backtracking yay) Brandish 3: the fact that the translation isn't out yet (serious answer: this game, iirc, has more backtracking than the others. Sanctuary was a really gimmicky stage in particular) Brandish 4: for fuck's sake, who decided the Temple stage was acceptable? it's literally an assault on the senses

Trails series: awful with ships. awful. the main ship of the first arc of the series is a case of adopted incest lol there's some other really gross tropes like this all throughout and I really don't feel like reciting them right now, so... I'll list other stuff: the games weren't intended to have multiple difficulties, so playing on anything that's not Normal will suck in some way you have to be extraordinarily meticulous to 100% or use a guide as the series went on, it became easier to break the difficulty into pieces with how ridiculous skills get despite that, superbosses and scripted losses that you have to win to 100% are a tradition of the series and can be really annoying to deal with as the series went on, it also started using more modern anime tropes to appeal to more people and it UNFORTUNATELY has been working

Ys series: modern games suffer from trying to be more like Trails, which they shouldn't <3 end of story

Xenoblade 1: battle system as a whole was unrefined and unsatisfying, worst sidequests in the series, female party members are all suffering in some way (Sharla's arc was cliche and unsatisfying, she sucks to use, her design is awkward; Fiora's situation was not explored deeply enough and she got fridged; Melia suffers in the story so much it almost turns into comedy and suspends disbelief) the only antagonist that resonated with me was Zanza.

Xenoblade 2: (DLC fixes most of this) The obvious: there needed to be less titties; The obvious again: Tora's introduction sucks ass (and he doesn't get truly better ever :() AND Tiger! Tiger! can go fuck itself; The introduction in general is slow and is why I won't replay this even though it's a GOAT; I actually like the gacha being around (I got lucky and the only real trouble I had was getting KOS-MOS imo), but it should at least become infinitely more generous in NG+. AT LEAST THAT. The infamous roadblocks to 100% like Ursula's affinity chart; The UI issues that everyone harped enough on; The maps got so much worse in this game compared to 1 like? I had so much trouble navigating here compared to other XB games.

Xenoblade 3: (DLC fixes most of this) literally the worst antagonists in the series; not a great party either (RIP Sena); Noahmio was kinda boring for half the runtime; in general the messages made by the game are not interesting to me and did not resonate like 2 did; the class system ruins every good change made to battle system; chain attacks suck, and not just their music - they're worse than 1's; weakest soundtrack (same issue as Brandish 2, where it starts strong but as a whole is eh); probably the only XB game that I do not ever intend to actually finish, because it's such a slog somehow.

The only sin Kid Icarus Uprising committed was its control scheme. Might have been justified, but it sucks.

Ace Attorney has too many issues to count <3 I'll just mention that: The series as a whole sucks at guiding you when you get stuck Big Top sucks, we all know this AA6 ruined Athena and Apollo and has questionable setting\design choices AAI2's last case dragged on for too long even if it was hype

13 Sentinels: Aegis Rim's battle system as a whole really sucks if we're being honest, and nowhere is this shown off better than the final battle.

VA-11 Hall-A often goes overboard with humor, but its worst offense is the optional bullet hell minigame they put in

[youngster-monster]

I KNOW THAT THE DISCORD WIPS ARE A TRAVESTY BUT PRIOR TO THAT THE LAST TIME I OPENED A GOOGLE DOC WAS IN LIKE 2018 TO MAKE AN OC SHEET THAT AMOUNTED TO 100 WORDS AT THE VERY MOST!!!! I DID NOT REALIZE GOOGLE DOCS WAS EVEN AN OPTION I JUST USED IT FOR MY BAD CHARACTER SHEETS

also i cant in good conscience act like the discord wips were ancient history... it is with Shame that i kneel before your askbox and admit that it was in 2020 until like late 2021... after that i realized i could use google docs and now i swear on my life that my fics are organized i SWEAR

ive been hibernating since february (last fic completed let alone worked on Properly) so i am more skeletal than rotted at this point but surely . surely it will come back to me and i will go crazy again

LITERALLY IT IS SO DIFFICULT INTRODUCING CHARACTERS i tried to write oc content recently and it went so bad that i couldnt even stomach the idea of it anymore it is so DIFFICULT but fanfic? fanfic is so much Simpler in my brain. in terms of work i mean because at the point that im writing fanfic about something ive already gone so deep into the lore that i could name 8 niche quest npcs and their full backstory + all of my headcanons in the form of 300 very lengthy discord messages

oh my god. sorry but midway through this ask i just remembered that i still have something of a discord wip channel in use right now, but its not for full works and it IS for snippets. sometimes i have these little ideas in my head but theyre not good enough for a full fic so i just jot em down in a discord channel for (hopefully) later use.... the discord wips will never die

real talk? what you said about any finished work being an accomplishment makes me feel alot better about how irregular my fics are because i end up feeling guilty about how by the time my writers block is over, the fandoms are completely different .. and to be honest when you stop thinking about it it IS kind of funny because theres a. wow fanfiction and b. anime fanfiction. i wonder sometimes if people go to my page and have an aneurysm looking at the fandom list

WII RP???????? WII RP???????????? i wasnt allowed to do really anything with our wii because i was really REALLY young so perhaps this is only insane to me because i never did anything except use the wii to watch pucca in 240p but ON THE WII??????????????????

im going to be wojack pointing at the m3:r wip until the end of time and you can count on that, these two dead elves (and particularly how you write them!!!) have carved themselves into my brain and they refuse to pay rent

2021..... damn bitch you live like this!!

7 months of hibernation... you're getting preserved in a bog it's Fine. I spent a whole year writing Nothing, just rotting mostly, and now look at me ( < not normal) (writing though!)

Fanfics are so easy... and you get other people to bounce stuff off of too like if I crave content I can go yell to my friends about it. For OCs you need Context.... Lore..... who has the time!!! I mean I do I am a known oc enjoyer but still. What work

I do also have the snippet channel. And the snippet notes app. And the snippet google docs. And the snippet paper scraps. And– yeah okay I've escaped the indignity of discord wips but not that of Disorganized WIPs

I'm glad it helped! There's no such thing as 'moving on' for a fandom!!! I know anime fandoms tend to be fast moving but if you let your wip age some more you too can become 'the only person still writing this ship', and profit 😈

Listen. My parents could ground me from using my PC. They could take my DS. But by god they couldn't take away ALL the screens and if I had to point and click my way through writing a post about my sparklewolf daughter of hades then I WOULD. And did!! My wrist will never forgive me

[a-casual-shipper]

I feel like anyone who knows me irl has no idea how bad my daddy issues have become.

First there was...

Hades...from Hadestown.

Then, I went farther down the hill with a literal cannibal... TWO versions of the same character, might I add.

And now. Severus Snape. Jesus, I'm back to deep voices all over again. But can you blame me? Fluffy hair, deep voice, intelligent, loyal to a lost love, I mean...come on...

I just recently watched the Harry Potter series for the first time. I know, I'm late. I wish I had watched it sooner, because then, MAYBE I wouldn't be simping for a professor.

[bugwolfsstuff]

any updates on your wine child fic

Yep! I am still working on it, it's just Annabeth's chapter is being a drag 'cause i'm not sure how to write her internal monologue

Here's a snippet!

Gathering all the counsellors was the easy part. Getting them to focus, especially since majority of them had figured out who the kid was by now, was not. 

The rest of the head counsellors were already there when Percy and I showed up. They were too busy crowding around Chiron and Mr. D —or Kidnysus as Percy has dubbed him because ‘it feels weird to call a little kid Mr.’— and talking over each other to notice us coming in. 

“Is that really Mr. D?” Someone asked. 

“Why does he look like a girl?” Another asked. 

“Does this mean I can steal his cola?” 

“Is he still a god?” 

Chiron put his hand up for silence, “Everyone give them some space.” 

The counsellors all went quiet. The crowd parting away to gather around the table. I could see Kidnysus now. He was trembling and clinging to Chiron’s wheelchair, trying to hide behind it. His eyes were wide and darting around the room, just barely visible under his matted hair. All eyes were on him, and he was terrified, which was a word I never thought I'd use for Mr. D, it felt...wrong. 

Chiron rolled over to the end of the table, Kidnysus following close behind. He seemed a lot more okay around Chiron now. Or maybe he thought we were scarier. 

“Now, before we begin, is everyone here?” Chiron asked. 

I looked around, most of the main Olympian counsellors were here— plus some counsellors from the newly designed (by me) cabins. The only ones missing were the son of Hades, Nico di Angelo, Thalia and the Stoll brothers. The former two were off camp, and not knowing where the latter two were is mildly terrifying. 

“Travis is gonna be late, Connor’s in the infirmary” Will said, looking like he’s seen better days. Kidnysus glowered at him. 

Chiron sighed, “Then I guess we shall begin without them.” 

[spacecadetspe]

A snippet from last year...

May 30, 2023

Morpheus has been harsher since I snapped at him.  That's fair.  At first I couldn't bring myself to apologize, so sure I was that what I said was true.  But the more I pondered on my anger, the more I realized I was grieving, and feeling inadequate all the while.  In my mind, the nagging idea that I had failed as a leader, as a mother, and as a guide was tearing me to pieces.  Nothing I had done had solved anything, and my recklessness had only gotten me hurt again.

Cure shattered my sacrum and broke off part of my solar plexus.  The shockwave she emitted from being processed slashed both my forearms and dislocated a pair of my wings.  My back is killing me.

The first dream I had after that was of Morpheus and I engaging in a car chase.  I was in the passenger seat, and he and I were bickering at each other about where we were going and how he was driving.  We were being chased through a parking deck by a black Audi, and X was driving.  Mid-chase, Morpheus decided he was going to drive through the outer wall of the parking deck and make the leap onto the roof of the building next door.  We made it to street level, and I looked up at X's face, watched him sneer at us as we made our escape.  The rest of the drive was taken in sullen silence.

I get that we were arguing about something unimportant at the time, and we both made it out unscathed, but I felt compelled to acknowledge that Morpheus had the expertise to know what he was doing... and for the most part, I didn't.  I was so angry that I hadn't been given the option of doing things my way that I forgot that his methods had gotten me out of my predicament.

But it didn't really hit home how much pain I was in until the second night.  He had prepared a full narrative for me by then, and had involved numerous other oneiroi.  It was about a beautiful girl, still in college, by the feel of her anxiety (worried about being late for music history class).  She had many friends, but for the most part hid away her true self for fear of being used.  Her father figure (played by Morpheus) used her powers and her renown for profit, and the young woman couldn't seem to understand why he was always so brusque with her.  One afternoon, after he picked her up from her campus, he was exceptionally rude, and she asked him why he was being so unkind.  In response, he got out of their truck and came around to the passenger window.  But before he could say anything, the two were approached by a vagrant in a wheelchair, panhandling.  Morpheus gave the man a couple hundred dollars... and ignored the girl again.  Later, Morpheus took the girl to the altar to the deity who had given her her powers, and commanded her to invoke the spirit using a pair of wands.  Enraged, the girl snapped the wands and destroyed the altar, unleashing the spirit on those who had done her wrong.

I'm not sure where he's going with this... which character I'm supposed to be; the parent figure who takes advantage of another's power, or the trapped girl who feels like she can't get close to anyone because she's not sure who will use her and who won't.

None of this is fair.  To either of us.  I have watched Morpheus and the other oneiroi treat Cure as if she's a monster... and I can't protect her, no matter how I try.  I just keep screwing everything up.

And speaking of screwing up, Zag came to see me, to try to share in the discomfort.  I really do appreciate it.  I informed him where Cure was, and that she had the freedom to come and go as she pleased.  I also told him he could visit her there, if he liked.  And... after that, I went to patch things up with his father.  Hades was exhausted again, and probably hadn't slept in weeks.  I reminded him that a lot of what happened occurred off my watch, because being a diurnal deity in charge of a bunch of nocturnal entities is fucking weird.  That made him chuckle, at least.  He knows I didn't do it on purpose.

All I really want is to be cuddled, and I feel like I can't do that and really don't deserve that.  At least, not from anyone of Hypnos' lineage.  I was trying so hard to stand up for someone I loved that I managed to trigger everyone around me.

And last night... last night was just a montage.  Trafficking, misogyny, and women being put together and ripped apart like discarded barbie dolls.

I don't know what I'm doing anymore.  I've upset everyone because I was trying to do what I thought was right, and I don't know how to handle this.  I'm at my wit's end.  I'm not sure how to process any of what's been shown to me... or even if I'm supposed to.  I can't proceed like this, that's for sure.

I hate to say it, but I think my time as a Dream Lord might be coming to an end.  I don't know.  Feels like the more I get into actually ruling, the more I suck at it.

I could fight back, certainly. ��I could rain hell down on the Dream World.  I could run away, as well.  But neither would really solve anything.  So here I sit, taking my punishment.  And whenever they're done...

well... maybe it's just best if I step down.  They've been through enough.

Fortitude seems to think this is just a low point on the roller coaster of my and Morpheus' relationship... but I think it's a bit bigger than that.  I really hurt him... I hurt all the oneiroi... my friends.  Because all I could see at the time is how they treated Cure.  And right now it doesn't really matter if I was right or not.  So maybe I should just... go.

[dzpenumbra]

7/2/23

Two more night cycles to go and then it's National Blow shit up to remind people of what the cannon fire sounded like when our adult males were getting blown to pieces trying to secure independence from greedy politicians who were excessively taxing their colonies Day. It's a good thing we still celebrate holidays for what they actually are. By getting piss drunk on cheap beer, watching people set off increasingly excessive amounts of fireworks, complaining about how we thought it was going to be cooler... or... about how they kinda overdid it... I honestly... I'm not sure what holidays are actually left that aren't religious holidays that still hold their actual meaning. That meaning... holidays which are still celebrated by the majority as they were intended. We have somehow managed to make literally every holiday revolve around work, money and material possessions. It's just upsetting.

Maybe I'm just hearing the loudest voices. I really hope so, I've been feeling that way for a while... like, I struggle to get out and shit because of crippling anxiety stuff, and that oscillates into the realm of agoraphobia sometimes... and most of it... I've been really feeling like it stems from just... hearing the loudest, craziest, most extreme voices. And those people being massively amplified.

I see the worst case scenarios, the outliers, and I just... assume that most people are like that. Why? Because I was surrounded by fucked up people my whole life and never knew it. It just feels like it's so rare that people are good, and kind, and generous, and selfless, and compassionate. Because that's been my personal experience. And I want so bad to believe that there is a decent percentage of good people out there, but my survival instincts... the clusters of neurological tissue hugging my brainstem that are trained to keep me alive and intact... they are pretty familiar with what happens when you make friends with wolves in sheep's clothing. So... it's like any social step forward can feel like not just a leap of faith, but a battle against my own reflexes.

I'll get there. In time. Again, I just need to build a bigger bank of good social experiences, and the mental fire alarm will start calibrating back to something a bit more live-able.

I am actually nodding off, I have no idea if I'm even making sense. It's super hot and humid, and late. And I did exhausting yoga and a big workout today. I started with dreams about my dog, which was hard. Then woke up right as my Instacart delivery was en route. The guy refunded half of my essentials - two bags of granola for breakfasts, and two bags of chicken for dinners... And I had zero time to figure that out because I was fucking asleep, he had already checked out, no replacements, just straight to refund. I'm still upset about that. So... I'm gonna have to figure that out.

But I went to get my food and had no problems at all. No anxiety, no stress, nothing. Just popped some gum so I didn't overwhelm anyone with morning breath and just did my thing.

I did a new yoga video, it was intense but it was nice. I did my workout, which was super intense. Lots of kicks, and my hips are just... not great. So... I did my best. But I'm definitely noticing a difference in my range of motion, which is good.

Showered, played Hades, made really good veggie burritos for dinner and streamed. I streamed Blender animation. It went... good at first, but I got to a point where I put the cart ahead of the horse and... now I have to redo probably about half an hour of work. Not the end of the world, but enough for me to be upset. I called it there, ended the stream and played Hades again to round the night out. No one came to stream again. I really need to do something about that. Again, I think social media is the answer, I just need to build a habit.

Here's an idea... I'm gonna be ending this journal in just over a month. I think, I'm not sure. It's weird, I've grown so used to doing this, it's hard to imagine not doing it. But... around new years, my goal became to do this for an entire year, every night. And I think the year mark is around August 22ish. So... maybe when I end here... I do blogging on my primary account - which currently has absolutely fuck-all on it. Maybe a bit less personal... and more... about life stuff? And things I'm learning, things related to my work, my research, skills I'm developing, shit like that? Maybe less therapy-type stuff and more... things directly related to pieces I'm doing. And I can just slot that in where my current journaling time is. So I can be steadily putting out stuff on my social media. I mean, I have a social media habit, you're looking at it right now... I just... I've been using it as a social experiment rather than actually attempting to connect with people. It's not a bad plan, it's something, I'll keep thinking it over. I really should keep journaling too though... so... that's a bit messy... Hmm...

So yeah, it can be a bit depressing streaming to no one. But I've been doing it for years now. It just is what it is. Honestly, it's much less pressure with no VoDs on. Then I only have to worry about people watching in the moment, not anyone who might be digging through my recorded streams. And I don't have to worry about any potential DMCA, even though I have my audio split anyway.

Anyways, it's getting super late so I'm gonna do tarot and call it a night because I'm actually nodding off... and I really just want to lay in front of my fan.

Past - Four of Cups, inverted (Apathy, disinterest.  Being offered gifts and opportunities, but being uninterested.) Present - Seven of Wands, inverted (Standing your ground, defending your position; often when heavily outnumbered.  Courage, strength, fortitude and aptitude.) Future - Six of Cups, inverted (Nostalgia, memories, past relationships.  Learning from and reconciling with the past, to create a better future.)

First one is a new one, inverted Four of Cups. But I vaguely remember this one from when I was studying the Black Tarot, my other deck. The Three of Cups is the party card, the Four of Cups represents the hangover. That's all I really remember about it, so... I'd guess... sluggish, recovering, not feeling well? I'll study it at the end of this and add it to my doc.

This is connected to inverted Seven of Wands. Damn, another new one. I could only speculate about this, so I'm going to leave it for now.

The final card is the inverted Six of Cups. I have gotten this one time before. I think it's... reflection? Reflecting on past experiences and learning from them in order to move forward? Cups are all about emotions... Five we got last night, it's grief/sorrow/loss. So, I see Six as like... learning lessons from the past in order to overcome grief and move forward.

Alright, let's learn us some cards, shall we? Welp, I was... pretty far off with my speculation on Four of Cups. Four of Cups is apathy, it's turning away opportunities and offers out of disinterest. So, I mean... in a way the hangover idea fits? Kinda? But it's more emotional than having overdone it and just not feeling well. And I keep getting flashes back to... what I call "past lives"... past incarnations of myself from my late 20's and even early 20's, when I would just... out-of-hand dismiss offers from people, kindness from people. Which, now? In this social drought? Seems ludicrous. And there is regret and shame attached so it's difficult to engage with, but that lack of emotion, that symbol, that action... I'm assuming that is what the card is referring to as a source, and that apathy really wreaking havoc on my life, and I was very well stuck in it for a long fuckin time.

Next is Seven of Wands. This one is kinda intense. It's having the courage to stand your ground and defend yourself when severely outnumbered. At first glance, it's weird that wands have so much conflict-related stuff (you'd think swords would be more about conflict) but wands are fire... so... that kinda comes with the territory. So the whole... kinda being stuck in dysfunctional apathy and aloofness thing... it led to situations where I really should have been standing my ground, setting firm boundaries, having pride and confidence in myself and my life... my new self and my new life. And... I didn't. I was blocked, I caved. I failed to have the courage many of the times, and when I did? It took a heavy toll. But throughout, I was very fearful, trembling.

This resolves in an inverted Six of Cups. Which is actually pretty super dead on, actually. Struggling to connect with my past, and because of that disconnect, struggling to learn those lessons accurately in order to be prepared for the future. In fact, on stream today, I was considering playing Corelia's album from 2012. It used to be one of my favorite albums back then, I even did vocal covers of two of their songs. And I really feel uncomfortable even thinking about connecting with things from the past a lot of the time. One, because it's a reminder that I'm getting old very quickly. Two, because... of what happened in-between? All the things I've lost? I don't know. It's a haunting feeling. Hard to put in words. Nostalgia has not felt good for me in a while, it feels like... like seeing a ghost. It's eerie and unsettling, and I guess I've been afraid of the memories and associations that come with it. Periphery III is a great example of that. That album has multiple waves of trauma associated with it. And soon... soon I will be able to reclaim it. But this inverted Six of Cups really screams that specific problem to me. Not being able to connect with memories in a healthy way, so... because of that... I struggle to shape a clear perspective image in order to feel safe moving forward.

Very powerful message tonight. My past apathy (both med induced and... upbringing/depression induced) led to a series of massive defeats after I reconnected with my emotions, and both of these have put me in a state where I struggle to put the lessons I was supposed to learn from the past into practice, because of the emotional minefield back there. Let's see if the placeholder card has anything to contribute. The Sun. Revelation, the road ahead, optimism, growth. After three inverted cards. XD How weird is it that the culmination of that message is a struggle looking at the road behind, when the context card - the card I use to hold my place in the reference book when looking up definitions - represents the road ahead.

Maybe I should try that album out tomorrow. Might be a good time to reclaim some of my past, and prove to myself that these are still beautiful things. Just because they were in proximity to painful things, doesn't mean they themselves should be associated with them. It's tough with music though, music resonates emotion with me so intensely.

Anyway, it's super late. Bed.

[guard-dogbiscuits]

𝒚𝒐𝒖𝒓 𝒎𝒖𝒔𝒆'𝒔 𝒍𝒐𝒗𝒆 𝒕𝒓𝒐𝒑𝒆𝒔: 𝑮𝑶𝑻𝑯𝑰𝑪 𝑳𝑰𝑻𝑬𝑹𝑨𝑻𝑼𝑹𝑬

italic for things that sometimes apply, bold for things that always apply and strike out what never applies.  DO NOT REBLOG ; COPY AND PASTE ON A NEW POST

Cassia, the Revenant Betrayed

(For Jagged/Hades)

carmilla.     giant featherbeds.  tightening a corset.  moonlit walks. killing for love.   cruelty for the sake of love.     love is always selfish.   romantic tragedy.   love to the brink of destruction.   nighttime rendezvous.   bloody kisses on soft skin.   death was the maiden.    a very strange agony.    claimed by the supernatural.   dreaming about your lover.  sympathy for the devil. loving me to death.    candlesticks lighting up the palm of your hand.   a passion that wearies you.  killing the one you love.

phantom of the opera.   a single red rose laid out to be found.  sensual voices singing them to sleep. a familiar shadow attending every recital.   love waits on the rooftop in the night.  two soulmates holding hands. walking down long corridors.  retrieving something lost.  devoting one’s craft to them.   making them your muse.  the horror was for love.   painted faces on parade. gentle touches in the dark.   revealing your darkest secrets.   beauty and the beast.  writing messages on the mirror.  kindness conquers all.  letting your lover go.  love never dies.

jane eyre.     loving the escape.  an impassioned affair.   being consumed by love. meeting your soulmate.  lace and silk.   thirsting for the perfect romance.   marrying for passion.   losing yourself in the face of your lover.  wedding veils and bouquets of pink roses. maddened by love. finding warmth in the cold.   calling out for your love.  starting at the bottom. the fire cleanses all.  hiding your passion.  your love will destroy me / my love with destroy you.

the picture of dorian gray.   painting a portrait or sketching the face of someone you love.  meeting in secret. visions of your lover dying. clutching a lovers clothes to your chest. love so consuming you kill them.   protecting their innocence at all costs.   betrayal.  polyamory. devotion.   flowers for the one you love.   remembering the name of your first love. jealousy when you see them with someone else.    love so consuming you die for it.  visiting the the place where you saw them the first time.

the count of monte cristo. letters to your lover.  marrying for love.   these bars can’t keep me from you.  motivated by love.   an avenging angel.   scorching jealousy.   love reborn.  devoted to memory.   it was all for you. going your separate ways.  commit murder for me. an unstoppable hunger.   death comes for us all. the strongest love eventually grows apart.

dracula.   the holiest love.  girls love wolves. the blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb.   violence is passion.    red lips, sharp teeth.   love letters in a diary. unrelenting support.   getting lost in the woods.   coming home to you.   walking backwards into hell.   vengeance for my love.   even death won’t stop me. we can live forever. love is an open wound. too much love to give.   bestowing your favor.   a never-ending thirst.   beauty even in death.   ravenous desire. if only death had a heart to give. a mercy killing.   these violent delights have violent ends.

frankenstein.   childhood friends to lovers.   they were something out of a dream.  arranged marriages.   learning to love.   was it all really worth it?   our guilt can know no bounds. vengeance, my love.   dismembered body parts. my beating heart in your open palm.   your death destroys me.   adam and eve.   crossing the mountains.   an antagonist in mourning. paradise lost.  the loss of innocence. abandoning your dream.   the tempest on the horizon.   humans are the real monsters.   my love is wiser than my hate.

tagged by; @pellelavellan

Tagging: Youse guys

[doodleferp]

Finished the next OC ref! Now it’s Allison’s turn! Story's under the cut cuz I just tried a new format.

Why'd You Make Her?: She was a self-insert like a lot of my present-day OCs that I made back in late 2020 when I finally watched all of Hellsing Ultimate. I'm a serial shipper and I really got attached to Alucard, so I made her as someone he could connect with and confide in. I have a thing with wanting to give characters friends/lovers. I feel like nowadays she's responsible for a lot of my followers lol

What's Her Deal?: Allison's that typical Victorian lady -- soft, prim and proper, all about manners and respect. She's very much attached to her husband, for better or worse, and while she doesn't like to fight (it's so unseemly) she is not afraid to cross swords if she believes her loved ones are being threatened. Her compassionate nature is often pitted against common vampire complexes, and she also has a lot of insecurities from others mocking her or not taking her seriously (which happened quite often in her childhood and only continued when she became Alucard's wife). Alucard and Integra are probably the only ones who can tell what she's hiding, because she's gotten good at presenting a front for the sake of a tougher appearance. Thankfully, her hundred years of life has helped to harden her up, and while she's very devoted to Alucard she doesn't let him get away with anything.

In terms of powers, she can do pretty much all the stuff her husband can. Thanks to some stuff Van Helsing did to them, Allison would only drink her husband's blood for upwards of seventy years -- thus, her powers are much stronger than a typical vampire her age's would be.

Do I Ship Her?: Yes, with Alucard. I really like characters with a Hades/Persephone dynamic, and it's really fun to write/draw Alucard. I guess that even as creepy as they seemed, even back when they were a fresh new couple, their marriage was pretty damn progressive for their time, becausethe general Victorian norm was that married women became property to their husbands, giving them rights to what their bodies produced, and Alucard is hella big on consent so their marriage is based off "hey, is this okay honey? i wanna make sure you're comfortable with this first."

What's The Story?: Allison was born in Connecticut in June 1859, and is the eldest of four children. Her dad was an awful person, but rather than being the physically-abusive Victorian Dad stereotype, he relied more on mental and emotional abuse. He really didn't like Allison because he wanted a firstborn son instead, and pretty much forgot about her when her younger brother(s) were born. Somehow, she managed to con her dad into letting her go to college in London (Bedford College!), where she got a degree in English.

Allison met Alucard (then Dracula) in Transylvania while attempting to study abroad. Originally intending to turn her and make her another servant, Alucard decided against it after, for some reason, he couldn’t go through with it and dropped her at a halfway house. Allison, in the contagious spirit of “what the actual fuck”, stormed back to the townhouse Alucard was staying in, and demanded he give her an explanation. Imagine her surprise when Alucard broke down and started crying that he didn’t know why he wanted to spare her, and she stayed with him out of a weird gut feeling. They eventually moved to his castle in Transylvania, and over time the two fell in love. They married three years after they met, and Allison was turned on their wedding night. The couple went back to London for their five-year wedding anniversary, and through a series of extremely unfortunate events, they were captured by Abraham Van Helsing. Alucard was able to save their lives by swearing his servitude to Van Helsing’s bloodline, and the rest is pretty much history. Allison now lives in the sub-basement of the Hellsing manor, with the intent of keeping Alucard company while he waits for his contract with the Hellsings to be finished.