#I will never be equal to anyone else

[mollificen]

I turn 18 at 10:56 am tomorrow.

I don’t feel anything. I’ve done NOTHING with my life. Like it’s no wonder I’m not super excited for it.

I’m so tired. I can’t keep doing this.

[bitchslapblastoids]

It was more than just romantic. It was more than just romantic. It was more than just romantic.

This is someone that genuinely liked me. This is someone that genuinely liked me. This is someone that genuinely liked me.

I trusted them.

And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe. And for the first time since I was a tiny child, I actually felt safe.

[antiqua-lugar]

aside from everything else about durgewyll I am loving how it highlights wyll and gortash as narrative foils. both their upbringings lead them to interact with demoniac entities, both can only become archdukes and join baldurian high society through uldred, both are swaying the dark urge from simply following bhaal (and arguably the dark urge sways them from simply pursuing an ideal and the dark urge can recognise both as their equal)

and by playing your card right in act 3 wyll just...gets everything gortash was trying to get? wyll really is a hero saving baldur's gate from the legion of the absolute. wyll influences gortash's favourite assassin into becoming someone they can defeat the netehrbrain together. they can even become archdukes together! ...or they can turn it down and then they can go to he hells to sneak around and have adventures (like gortash and durge used to) and save karlach's life (the same life that is at risk because gortash mindlessly threw it away).

like. it's a lot, wyll and durge can even murder raphael.

[shadystranger]

I watched the man I love die

[boingopilled69]

*sadly pacing and kicking a small rock* they don’t know about the parallels between charles and arthur in rdr2 and gilgamesh and enkidu of the epic of gilgamesh(the oldest piece of literature in human history) ((oh the humanity..))

[missmagooglie]

ROTFL honestly about how hair-trigger both Buck and Eddie have been for commitment in 6b. But coming at it from completely different directions. Eddie catastrophizes himself into anxiety attacks over nothing, while Buck ignores every single warning sign and commits himself wholeheartedly at the slightest interest.

First there's Eddie, who literally just sees a woman in his tia's kitchen and immediately goes "I can't marry her!" Like, babe. No one's asking you to? You're allowed to go on dates that aren't lifetime commitments?

He reminds me of those precocious but over-anxious kids who have one (1) minor thing go wrong and they spiral out and suddenly they're like ".... and THEN I'll default on my mortgage and be left with nothing! Is that what you want?" And you, an adult, are just standing there blinking like "How do you know what a mortgage is? You're nine."

And then there's Buck. He's the girl who buys a bath bomb and unironically says, "this will fix my life." That sort of "spiral up" technique they tell you to do in therapy, but in a toxic positivity way.

Honestly, I am so curious about whether Natalia even thought she was on a date with Buck. Like, here she is, a professional whose job it is to help people understand and accept death so that they can have a more peaceful and fulfilling end to their life. And she meets a guy who, within minutes of meeting her, shares that he actually clinically died for a few minutes. As someone who is so invested in understanding and demystifying death, of course she's fascinated! It felt very obvious that she was asking him to have coffee to talk about that experience specifically, rather than having an explicitly romantic intent.

But poor Buck very obviously interpreted it as a date, and now he's over here telling Eddie "I feel like she really sees me" like they're halfway to being in love already.

And listen, I don't think any part of what we've seen so far between Buck and Natalia is a bad thing. Even her "fangirling" over his near-death. Because here's the thing: yes, it would be devastating for Eddie or Maddie or Bobby to hear someone be excited about "that time Buck literally died". But fortunately, Natalia wasn't talking to any of them. She was talking to Buck. She was talking from the perspective of someone who knows Buck is still alive before she even learned that he died, and she's interested in his experience. And I genuinely do not think it's a bad thing for Buck to talk to someone who can recognize that what he went through was transformational in a way that can be positive if he allows it to be. No one who loves him can talk to him about this experience without bringing their own grief from nearly losing him to the conversation - and that's totally understandable, but it's also what makes talking with someone new about these experiences so alluring and so (potentially) helpful.

But the other thing Buck and Eddie have in common is avoidance. We saw Eddie avoid thinking about what he wants from a romantic partner when he was with Ana to the point where the avoidance was giving him panic attacks. Buck talked to Natalia and got the chance to process some if the ways his experience with death was positive. He's also so caught up in that positive feeling that he's letting himself not confront or process some of the ways his death was decidedly NOT positive -- both for him and for the people who love him.

Natalia doesn't have grief clouding her view of what happened to Buck. She doesn't have the tumultuous emotional background of all the ways Buck has been hurt and then tried to tape himself back together. Natalia only knows what Buck chooses to share with her.

In other words, it's easy with her.

Where have we heard that before?

[softquietsteadylove]

Second round for the Thenamesh Cook and Critic AU.

This time Gil nails the next meal. Thena reacts like the food critic from ratatouille!

Thena sighs as another plate is taken away from in front of her. She looks at her notepad. She has tried twelve dishes thus far, and every single one of them was lacklustre. Her notes are mostly things like spoke at the floor during presentation, or not enough onion in ONION galette.

She only agreed to critique this farce because she wants the extra credit. That was the reason she gave her supervising teacher, that is. On a more personal level, she saw the list of students entering and volunteered to critique and write the review for the competition.

It's extracurricular, essentially a competition for a review in a very prestigious publication. It's still a review, so she has to be impartial, if critical, but the winner can get their name out into the real world of fine dining.

She doesn't think anyone on this list besides Gilgamesh stands a chance. But again, she has to be impartial, so she can't risk voicing that opinion. She has to try his dish for herself.

Thanks to her position as a third year critique student, she's graded several classes this year, three of which Gilgamesh attended. His dishes are always warm and comforting, but he doesn't lack refinement, and he's no slouch when it comes to plating. She rather thinks he has more promise than anyone else in the school.

"Just one more," Ajak smiles over her shoulder. Thena just nods, long bored of having to endure all the other entries when Gilgamesh's is the only one she actually wanted to try.

She could have just asked. He has offered several times now to make her something, or present the adjustments to a recipe that she suggested. But she can't take him up on that offer...for some reason. She'll think about it, and then lose her nerve.

The door to the examination room opens and in walks Gilgamesh, tall and broad shouldered and confident. He has a huge grin on his face, which is a stark contrast to the contestants who walked in with tears in their eyes. He shifts his dish on his palm so he can wave at her.

Thena almost waves back, but it turns to a flinch as his tray starts to tilt. "Gil-!"

"Whoa!" he startles, catching the silver cloche and adjusting the platter loudly. "Sorry, that was close!"

Ajak presses her palm over her eyes.

Thena sinks back into her chair (she didn't even realise she had risen in reflex to the scare). She clears her throat, tugging at her skirt. "What are you presenting, Gilgamesh?"

"Well, the name of the dish officially is Liquid Gold," he grins as he sets the platter down on her white tablecloth. He pulls the cloche away, "but I did think about calling it Breakfast of Champions."

The room is silent in reaction to the dish. Sitting in front of her for judging in a fine dining setting is...an egg--a singular egg in an egg holder in the middle of the plate.

Thena leans forward examining it closer. Her brows knit and she looks up at him. He's still beaming, though, and it's a little too infectious to ignore. She feels the corners of her lips tug, "what have you done?"

Gilgamesh leans in too, eager to watch her cut into the dish. "I took a chance--I hope you like onigiri."

Thena pokes at the outside of the 'egg'. The rice is perfect and fluffy, but shaped into an egg, which is renowned for being a deceptively difficult shape to construct. She pulls it away and indeed, inside, is liquid gold. She inhales.

Gilgamesh hangs on her every reaction, practically wagging his tail in his eagerness.

Ajak steps towards them, "Gilgamesh, do you want to...?"

He shakes his head though, "after she's had her bite."

Her bite--her one bite, for which she has become infamous. Because she has to taste so much in a day she has come to dislike so many foods. Because she can never just sit down and enjoy a meal. Because she's the most frightening critique student to come out of this school.

Thena pulls her bite to her lips and gasps. Her eyes go wide and she feels as if she's sinking into a warm chicken broth. The dish oozes, just like a soft boiled egg, but the grains of rice fall to the plate below and instead of egg yolk, there is a silken chicken broth dripping out, thickened like a creamy soup.

It makes her feel like a little girl digging into a soft boiled egg in her grandfather's garden. It tastes like a comforting chicken dumpling and a risotto and a breakfast dish all at once. She chews the rice and feels like when she would eat plov (pilaf) after a cold day outside.

She takes another bite, and then another. The dish is small anyway, and she wishes it weren't. She even moves her fork in the bottom of the egg holder to get every last grain of rice within. She licks her lips and sighs, leaning on the table. "It's perfect."

Ajak's jaw is hanging open.

But Gil is looking at her with pure joy on his face, "you think so?"

She nods, feeling as if she's tipsy (she doesn't drink). She taps her finger against the gold rim of the plate. "Tell me about the dish."

"So, I thought, well, what's the most important meal of the day?" he begins rhetorically, and maybe it's because she's in such a good mood that she finds it so charming. Or maybe it's just Gilgamesh. But he gesticulates as he speaks, and she wonders if anyone will mind if she licks the inside of the egg cup. "And then I think, what's my favourite thing to have for breakfast?"

She raises her brows at him, and this is no longer her interviewing him for the competition. It might never have been that. "You have onigiri for breakfast?"

"I do a lot of cooking in the day, I really value a quick meal I don't have to do anything for myself," he shrugs shamelessly. She thinks he's funny. "Anyway, I was thinking of what fillings of onigiri there are, and then I thought about dumplings and their fillings, and then I thought about how chicken dumplings are totally underrated. Then-"

"Gilgamesh," Ajak interrupts him, and Thena has never felt annoyed with Ajak before now. "More concisely, please."

"Right, sorry," he offers a more sheepish smile and holds the silver cloche of the platter against his chest. "Liquid Gold is inspired by eastern and western traditions of a self contained meal. It's all the warmth of a perfect egg with the complexity of a xiaolongbao. The 'egg' is composed of rice I seasoned with just a little sesame oil and rice vinegar, and the 'yolk' is actually a homemade chicken stock concentrated down with a little traditional seasoning, as well as some curry and all-spice, to be gentle on the stomach, then made into a gelatin so it can melt out of the egg when you cut into it."

Thena wishes she could stand up and clap for him.

"I know it's a simple concept, and maybe I'm taking a bit of a risk," he admits, some shyness coming over him. "But I thought...what would someone want to eat? What's something that would be comforting, but also nice to eat, whether it's first thing in the morning or...after a bunch of other dishes."

Thena blinks. He took into account that he was last on the roster for judging. Had he really taken into consideration how she would feel after tasting all the other entries?

"I just wanna make food that makes people happy," he concludes softly, shrugging his shoulders as if he hasn't created a truly unique and inspired dish.

She could cry with joy, she liked it so much.

"Thank you for having me," he concludes, as did the rest of the contestants. He bows to her and Ajak, then to the other supervising teachers present.

Thena wishes she could ask him to make this for her again, but just sits there as he walks out. When he closes the door, she dabs at her eyes. She has truly been moved to tears by his cooking, and she didn't even get to tell him.

She publishes her review the next day in the school newsletter.

The very idea that culinary practice requires its own form of criticism is, in itself, arrogant. Who are we to declare that the simple act of eating and enjoying food is subject to validation given by a privileged few? The purpose of food is to be eaten, and I believe that any cook worthy of being called Chef would say that they want to make food which people will enjoy.

Liquid Gold is, in every sense, food to be enjoyed. It is the perfect dish, small but rich, comforting but exciting, engaging but familiar. The promise of a liquid centre of chicken bouillon is enough to make Midas a jealous man, encased in rice capable of transporting anyone back to the kitchen of their most beloved memories.

Brought to life by a chef named Gilgamesh, I am no match for it. It does not require a perfect palette to enjoy this dish. Nor does anyone need to have refined tastes to love eating it. This charming little 'egg' exists only to evoke complete infatuation with its simple charms.

Once upon a time, many of us were told that love is a secret ingredient to any meal. With Chef Gilgamesh, this may well prove true. Love is palatable in this dish, and within all dishes of his making. And I expect the world over to fall in love with this dish as I have, created by the best chef ever to be taught within the halls of the Celestial Institute of Culinary Studies.

[leesalchemybook]

I wish it was more common for artists to support each other. most artists want their art and accounts to get attention, but they won't give that to others. especially artists/accounts smaller than them. they're more likely to support and pay attention to bigger artists/accounts. it sucks because I want to support other artists,,,,,but I would also enjoy some support as well? and want artist friends and to work together with other artists for fun. but none will pay any attention to me or my work. I think it comes down to other artists viewing me as a threat because they think art is a competition. and that really sucks.

[cigarette-room]

not to be all love is transactional and shit but if you're not putting the same kind of effort into maintaining a friendship/relationship as the other person does then you should leave them the fuck alone actually and stop being a leech who only takes and doesn't give

likewise, if you're the only one putting in all the effort then you need to let that entire thing go because you're still insisting a sinking ship can keep sailing just fine (you are in the water up to your ankles. you will drown. they will never find your remains)

[skunkes]

ive mentioned that i like when ppl think Al is real because it lets me know that im depicting this stuff realistically despite having no very little experience on the matter but it's also relieving in a way thats like. Idk!

I've always felt like the doodles i make of cow al and smunker are too gratuitously...positive? And that's how you could tell they Weren't Real/Realistic... Like Al is very much a caricature of positivity, right? Doodles are usually about him being nice and sweet to skunker...so its obviously self insert vent stuff... There's no way its not obvious he's not real, because partners aren't this exaggeratedly gushy and sweet and affectionate, right? Lol? Oh.

⬆️ So it is relieving that ppl think he's real/im just cataloging our Real Life relationship because it means this kind of thing Can exist...ykwim... Do u understand me...

[skrunksthatwunk]

kinda drives me up a wall when people go "hey i think x action in a war/combat scenario is inhumane and cruel and shitty" and someone responds with "oh but within the laws of war it's allowed or there's procedure for it etc etc". it doesn't have to be a war crime to be unforgivable man it's a shitty rulebook anyway

[paging-possum]

Who up listening to good luck babe by chappell roan and having it resonate not in the way intended but resonating nonetheless. About to go ham in the tags about the overlap of being a lesbian and being aromantic...if u even care....

[viosjaan]

i don't think you want anything to do with me anymore so i can just vent the texts i want to send to you here

[yamikawaii]

i wanna go home i wanna be with yoomiee

[mydr3aminvi0let]

i wear a lot of skirts and pink and whatnot as my style has developed with me & my personality but when one of those age regression girlies latch onto me....i do not like that

[deanstits]

Who is putting gay Dean vs bi Dean discourse on my dash.... I thought we got over this....