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exauhstedsunflower · 3 years

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So, I’m writing Marvel now…

The thing is, Marvel is a special interest for me. Has been for a long time. The MCU while it has its downsides (I will never forgive them for what they did to Steve Rogers.) is one of my favorite movie franchises of all time. It’s a crime that I haven’t written any fics for it yet, honestly.

This isn’t nearly finished, and I have no idea when it will be or how long it’ll be. It doesn’t even have a name or full plan yet. But it’s a fun project for me. I want to explore the fact that Captain America is from the 40’s, however when he wakes up he is still in his twenties. He’s technically the youngest on the team while simultaneously being way older and being treated as way older than everyone around him. It picks up during the first Avengers film and is written from Tony’s POV. (Again, so far. It’s not done and I could still switch POV’s every once in a while.)

All that being said, enjoy!

Steve hates him. He hates Tony. Tony Stark. Son of his old friend, Howard Stark.

The old bastard was right, isn’t that just ironic.

Endless fights over Tony being a disappointment. Being nothing like the Greatest Man Howard Ever Knew. Howard never shut up about the great Captain America, so of course Tony knew this was coming.

Tony had tried when he was younger, he did. He’d tried to be better, braver, stronger, faster, witty in a way Howard would appreciate. But after a while he’d realized that no matter what he did, no matter how hard he tried, he’d never live up to what Howard wanted from him. Howard said daily that Captain America, Steve Rogers, would be disgusted by Tony. And Tony had just about recently decided that he was moving on from all of his daddy issues and metaphorically telling Howard to shove his criticisms very far up his ass. And, isn’t this just the kicker, Steve Rogers is right in front of him confirming it all.

“Big man in a suit of armor. Take that off, what are you?”

Exactly what everyone thinks I am, obviously.

“Genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist.”

What? He’s not about to make it easy on Captain America of all people. If anyone can handle his sass, it’s the so called bravest man who ever lived.

“I know guys with none of that worth ten of you. Yeah, I've seen the footage. The only thing you really fight for is yourself. You're not the guy to make the sacrifice play, to lay down on a wire and let the other guy crawl over you.”

Wow, okay. He’s really laying it on, isn't he? He must be really pissed. In all honesty, Tony hadn’t thought it would be so easy to get to him. Or, rather, to get him to a point where he’s actually making personal, cutting blows.

Still, Tony doesn’t want to cause an actual fight. If he wanted that he’d have started off a little more strong, like how Rogers is. What with all the steam coming from his ears. Howard hadn’t mentioned the potentially problematic short fuse in all his ramblings. Whatever, just keep deflecting and find a way to defuse, then. He’s been around long enough to know when the right time to fight is. Currently they have a volatile, murderous psychopath who obviously wants them all fighting on board, so now is not a good time.

“I think I would just cut the wire.”

There, nice and simple. There’s no way Mr. Short Fuse can turn that into-

“Always a way out... You know, you may not be a threat, but you better stop pretending to be a hero.”

Now he’s done it. He’s honestly tempted to say ‘Or what?’. Just curiosity speaking, what would Rogers do? And, another thing, Tony has never claimed to be a hero. Sure, he’s saved a few people, and yeah, he’s trying to save the world currently, but the hero label was all but thrown at him the moment he came out to the world as Iron Man. He doesn’t want to be a hero, all he wants right now is for Rogers to get off his damn high horse.

“A hero? Like you? You're a lab rat, Rogers. Everything special about you came out of a bottle!”

He hadn’t meant to say that. Truly, he hadn’t. He’s supposed to be actively diffusing the situation. But honestly it was an achievement he’d gone that long without actually retaliating. You can only push a man so far-

“Put on the suit, let's go a few rounds.”

He’s not succeeding in his endeavor to not fight Captain America. His dad is likely screeching from his penthouse in hell.

He moves away from Rogers just in time for the locator to go off, signifying that they’ve found what they were looking for. This is followed by an argument about who is going to get it, a rather horrifying revelation that his new best friend besides Rhodey, Pepper and Happy, (Yes, he has claimed this already, he just has to convince Bruce.) has tried to kill himself, and then suddenly Captain America is trying to fight him, again.

“Put on the suit, let’s find out!”

“I’m not afraid to hit an old man.” He replies calmly, though a little heated.

It’s just oh so ironic, (This whole conversation has been filled to the brim with irony.) that as Tony says that he laments how immature they’re acting. Seriously, the guy’s in his nineties, why is he pulling Tony into this? The irony strikes him then and there, as he’s watching Rogers get all riled up. Captain America is practically a kid.

It’s kind of funny to think about. Captain America, the man out of time, he’s only in his twenties. Tony is twenty years older than him, mentally. Now it’s not about fighting his fathers old friend. It’s not even about the fact that this is Captain America, and how anti-patriotic it would be to deck him.

No, Tony wont fight a twenty-something year old. It’s not dignified. It wouldn’t even be fair. Rogers hasn’t had the time to fully develop patience like Tony has. His brain hasn’t aged just as his body hasn’t. No wonder he has such a short fuse, Tony was the same way when he was young.

Something explodes while his brain is having this revelation, and he realizes that this is an attack. Good thing they weren’t fighting each other, then.

Steve helps him up after they’re both thrown across the room from the blast.

“Put on the suit.”

Tony nods, finally agreeing with the man on something.

“Yep.”

Of course they would end up working together to fix the turbine. That’s the way the world works. Rogers hates Tony, and Tony won’t fight him, which seems to be making Rogers more angry. But now all of that has to be put aside for the greater good. Hopefully they’ll be able to do this before another turbine goes down and the whole boat falls from the sky.

“What’s it look like in there?”

Tony really needs this to go well. Surely Rogers can’t be too inept with technology. He’s young, young people are the future of technology! He even understood the Wizard of Oz reference earlier, so he’s sort of up to date, right?

“It seems to run on some form of electricity!”

So much for his optimism. Despite the feeling that this is going to end horribly, his mouth quirks a bit. That’s why it had taken him so long to put together how young Rogers actually is.

Still, this has to be tough for the guy, he’s clearly out of his depth here and is trying to help.

“Well, you’re not wrong.”

He teaches Rogers how to fix the relays, which takes some time given that he can’t personally guide the project. He’s a bit busy clearing the debris from the turbine and trying to keep up with the flying boat’s speed enough to stay beside it. You would think they’d stop moving so he can just hover and do repairs, but no! Although he does suppose that there is quite a bit of commotion happening inside too. Enough to warrant not slowing down, maybe.

“Even if I clear the rotors, this thing won't re-engage without a jump. I'm gonna have to get in there and push.”

“Well if that thing gets up to speed, you'll get shredded!”

Aw, he’s worried. Asshole.

Does this count as laying on the wire? Is this technically superhero-ing right now? Is this enough to prove to Rogers he has the right intentions? He hopes so.

“Then stay in the control unit and reverse polarity long enough to disengage mag-“

“Speak! English!”

Tony nearly laughs. He hadn’t realized how charming Rogers actually is, underneath all of the high and mighty hero stuff.

“Unless, Selvig has figured out how to stabilize the quantum tunneling effect”.

“Well, if he could do that he could achieve Heavy Ion Fusion at any reactor on the planet.” Bruce responds, understanding every word. Oh, Tony might just be in love.

“Finally, someone who speaks English.”

“Is that what just happened?”

It was a sly little comment, but it was there. He should have picked up on it at the time. Captain Rogers is funny.

“See that red lever? It'll slow the rotors down long enough for me to get out. Stand by it, wait for my word.”

He watches the man jump over to the lever, landing a little too close to the edge for comfort. Then instead of dwelling on the fact that he was concerned for Captain America’s safety, he goes into the turbine and starts to push.

While he’s pushing, there’s some gunfire. Also some rushing coming from Director Fury in his earpiece. He wonders if anyone has come out to help Rogers, and then realizes that obviously Rogers can handle himself, so why would anyone? Eventually the turbine feels like it's moving faster than him, so it’s time to get out.

“Cap, I need the lever!”

“I need a minute here!”

Uh oh. That won’t do at all.

“Lever! Now!”

This is so not how he wanted this to go. He falls into a rotor, and slides down into the bottom part of the turbine. He is so screwed. He’s going to break his spine, or his neck. He’s going to die fixing a boat engine. Engine’s are his bitch, he can’t die fixing an engine!

Suddenly the rotors let up, and it only takes Tony a split second to fly out and assess his damage. His suit’s going to give out on him. Any second now surely. He should get out of the air-

Loki’s men are on Rogers with guns, how is that a fair fight?

At least, that’s what he thinks before he tackles one and takes them right through the side of the boat with him, finally hitting the ground and letting the suit turn off.

He can’t quite see anymore, and he can’t quite tell if it's the suit or his eyes that are damaged. He was knocked around quite a bit. Maybe it’s a concussion? He hopes it’s temporary, he can’t work if he’s blind.

Actually, scratch that. That sounds ableist. It also sounds like he’s doubting himself, which he’d never do. He very much can work if he’s blind. Plenty of people do it every day.

He feels tired, a bit hazy. He’d been knocked around maybe too much. Is Steve okay? He looks up, and the captain is jumping back into the ship. Good.

Definitely a concussion, he thinks, letting his head fall back and passing out.

Coulson died. Loki killed him.

Tony hasn’t been on this boat for too long now, but he’s starting to think this is a suicide mission. Agent Coulson was Pepper’s friend; how’s he going to tell her? How will the news reach the cellist he was involved with?

“There was an idea, Stark knows this, called The Avengers Initiative-”

He hasn’t been listening, and was honestly okay with the numb indifference of his thoughts. Anything not to hear Fury’s words. Lies, honestly. There’s no excuse for the arsenal that was being built, regardless of if Fury hadn’t bet on it in the first place. And now- what? He wants to use Tony and the others as the replacement arsenal? They can’t even save one agent, let alone the world.

“…to fight the battles that we never could. Phil Coulson died still believing in that idea, in heroes.”

Tony stands, unable to hear anymore of this. Tony’s no hero. If Coulson was smarter, he never would have believed in heroes in the first place.

“Was he married?”

He looks at Rogers, at his attempt at starting a tough conversation. He sees why everyone likes the guy, really. Even after their almost-fight he comes to attempt to comfort Tony. Tony, for his part, isn’t even sure why he’s taking Coulson’s death so hard. It’s not like they were friends.

He just- well, it feels like this death is on him.

“No. There was a uh...cellist, I think.”

There’s no one to inform about his death. No one to send condolence flowers to. Pepper might mourn, his coworkers may also. The cellist… well, she won't be able to pick up their fling again.

“I'm sorry. He seemed like a good man.”

Steve Rogers has a good heart. He may be quick tempered, but he has a good heart.

“He was an idiot.”

“Why? For believing?”

For believing in them. Believing in this stupid, sorry excuse for a team.

“For taking on Loki alone.”

“He was doing his job.”

Oh, yes, defend the dead guy. Make this argument harder. It was easier to hate Rogers earlier, when he was being irrational.

It circles back to there not always being a way out, and Tony thinks that’s bullshit. He doesn’t take well to being told things are impossible or unavoidable. If something isn’t going to work, he makes it work. Coulson should have thought ahead. He should have waited. He should have-

Better not go down that avenue.

He starts to walk away, and Rogers compares them to soldiers. Right, that makes sense. That’s why Rogers took the death so calmly. He was a soldier in a war. He’s used to losing people and having to move forward immediately. He probably has already figured out how not to blame himself for every death he’s ever witnessed.

“Right now we've got to put that aside and get this done. Now Loki needs a power source, if we can put together a list…”

Tony briefly wonders if it's healthy to compartmentalize like that. It can’t be. But then he spots the blood on the wall and his brain moves on to another thought. Rogers is right, anyway. They need to focus.

“He made it personal.”

“That’s not the point.” Rogers replies, not catching the point just yet.

“That is the point. That's Loki's point. He hit us all right where we live. Why?” He needs to explain. The man will get it if he explains. Sometimes he forgets that not everyone’s brain does the jumps his own does.

“To tear us apart.”

“Yes! Divide and conquer is great, but he knows he has to take us

out to -

win, right? That's what he wants. He wants to beat us and he wants to be seen doing it. He wants an audience.”

“Right,” He’s catching on, thankfully. “I caught his act at Stuttengart.”

“Yeah. That's just previews, this is opening night. Loki's a full-tail diva. He wants flowers, he wants parades, he wants a monument built in the skies with his name plastered…” Tony stops, revelation forming. Steve looks fully interested in wherever this is going.

“Son of a bitch!”

“What?”

“Big ugly building in New York!”

Rogers’ eyes go wide, “Let's go.” He orders, Tony already moving.

The battle was terrifying. There were aliens, gigantic half mechanical half flesh monsters flying around, and a murderous Norse god intent on taking control of the chaos and coming out on top. Tony wonders why NASA or SHEILD has never claimed to have seen the species this army is made up of before. These guys don’t seem very low key, what with all the planetary destruction. He doesn’t believe for a second that no one knew these things were out there.

He makes a mental note to hack the department of defense after he’s eaten his shawarma.

Tony never prepared for this. The only people who were even remotely prepared tried to nuke New York. And then Tony the not-hero, thank you very much, had to fix that problem on top of the other very pressing one. The other problem being aliens. Aliens invading the earth.

Aliens, Jesus Christ.

Afterwards, Loki gets taken to Asgard with Thor via Beam Of Light™️. Fury says the Avengers are all free to go. But Tony does extend the offer for the others to stay at the tower. They can if they need to, not forever or anything. But, if they want to stick around and help clean up the mess. Someone’s gotta, you know?

Romanoff took the offer. Then Bruce because he wants access to a lab like Tony can offer and totally not because he’s excited about their new friendship. Then Clint, who would like to stay close to SHEILD; then begrudgingly, Steve Rogers, who admits that he can’t quite afford life in New York City but would like to stay here. And suddenly the Avengers are piling into Tony’s penthouse, exhausted but still helping get rid of all the broken glass.

He goes to his lab as soon as sleeping situations are settled. (Natasha takes a guest room, Bruce gets another one, Clint and Rogers take the living room.) There’s no need to stick around. The superhero’s crashing in his guest rooms and living room are cleaned and fed, New York is saved (and subsequently the world.). Besides, he needs to start working on better living arrangements if these guys are going to stay. He gets half way through Natasha’s layout for her floor, when Jarvis lowers his music.

“What gives? I was just getting into a groove here!”

“It seems you have a visitor, sir.”

His head whips around, expecting Pepper, but instead he finds Steve Rogers standing on the outside of the glass door looking like a lost puppy in designer hand-me-down sweatpants. Tony sighs, Pepper won't be in until tomorrow. He’d had to do a lot of bribing to get the New York Airport to let his jet land. They have to clear some debris from the runway, fix some of the landing gear, that stuff.

“Shall I let him in, sir?”

“What? Yeah, yeah. Yes. Let the captain in, open the door.”

The door unlocks, allowing Rogers to step into the lab. He looks around in wonder, the exhaustion from the day being covered by the inquisitive nature of humans.

“What’s up, Cap?”

Rogers startles, having gotten distracted by the tech in the room. Then hesitantly, he speaks up.

“This place is really swell, Tony.”

He sounds like he means it so genuinely that Tony doesn’t make a remark about the outdated word choice.

“Well, it’s no flying boat, but it’s home. Speaking of, you’ll love this. Dum-e! C’mere boy!”

If Rogers looked amazed before, he looks absolutely awestruck now.

“Did you make him?” He questions as he reaches out to pet the robot. Dum-E nuzzles his hand and Tony smiles a bit at the sight.

“Yeah. Made Jarvis too, right J?”

“Yes, sir.” Rogers jumps at the sound of Jarvis’ disembodied voice.

“See? They get along too well though. They’ll surpass their old man one day. Too much plotting happening while I’m gone.”

Rogers laughs, “See, now, I would have thought you'd be all for the minds of the future.” He comments sarcastically.

“And usually I’d agree, but I don’t think I’d be happy if the new robot overlord was Dum-E. And hearing you, a twenty-something year old, tell me that the flying boat engine ‘runs on some kind of electricity’, settled it for me. I have no faith in the future of technology.”

The other man snorts, “I’m not exactly a prime example of the youth, man.”

Tony puts up a finger, “Ah, see, I’d believe you if you didn’t just call me ‘man’. I’m gonna start calling you kid.”

Rogers rolls his eyes, ignoring how that prompted a mock scolding on rolling his eyes at his elders. He then sees the current work in progress on Tony’s work space.

“Is this what you’ve been doing down here?”

Tony’s eyes follow Rogers as he walks over to the plans and starts reading them over.

“This is so nice. There’s a floor for each of the Avengers in here! Even Thor and I!”

“Yes, God’s need sleep too. At least I think they do. I’ll have to ask, actually. -And, also, why wouldn’t you have one?”

Tony watches the man's eyes widen as if being caught saying something he hadn’t meant to say out loud. Although as soon as the look of panic shows it’s gone, Rogers turns to hide himself in the plans again.

“Look, I know we didn’t start off on the right foot.” He starts, quieter than before.

Is… is Rogers attempting a reconciliation right now? Tony thinks back to all the thoughts he had earlier, where Howard may have had a fit. And how fitting he thought it was that Captain America hated him, although he wasn’t entirely happy about it. But this might be worse, actually.

“I believe you were being beaten up when we met, actually. And then I swooped in and saved you.”

Rogers immediately regains his volume, “Swooped in and saved me doesn’t sound entirely right.”

“This. Coming from the guy who still calls things swell? I think I’ll keep my phrasing.”

“I had him! You can't save someone who is in control of the situation!”

“You call being beaten up being in control? Please elaborate.”

“I was not getting beat up. I was holding my own.”

“Sure, kid. Is that a bruise?”

Rogers immediately starts feeling around his face. This is hilarious for a number of reasons. One, he has super healing and any bruise would have been gone by now. Two, Captain America looks far more worried about a bruise on his perfect face than when he was saving the world.

“Where?”

“Right- yeah, right there. Where Loki absolutely had the upper hand!”

That comment startles the older/younger man into stunned laughter.

And thats all I’ve got!! Thank you if you made it this far.

#Marvel #marvel mcu #tony stark #steve rogers #marvel fanfiction #fanfiction #Avengers #marvel’s the avengers #bruce banner #hulk #natasha romanoff #Black Widow #Thor #loki #clint barton #hawkeye

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animerunner · 3 years

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Luz’s Not So Great Luck

Fandom: The Owl House

Relationship: Eda Clawthorne & Luz Noceda, Luz Noceda & Willow Park, Luz Noceda & Gus Porter, Luz Noceda & Amity Blight, Eda Clawthorne & Lilith Clawthorne

Characters: Eda Clawthorne, Luc Noceda, Willow Park, Gus Porter, Lilith Clawthorne, Amity Blight

Warnings: Implied Child Abuse, Summary: Luz and Eda don't talk much about how the magical human stumbled into Eda's life. Literally. But that doesn't stop people from asking. Theme: Unconscious (aka what kick starts this plot)

Notes: Okay got a few things to cover here before we start. Eda's curse. This does get addressed in the next one (since we're still in the same verse) but for now for reassurance sake I'll say this. Yes Eda was still cursed in this verse. However after that things take a turn. I'll explain maybe whenever I get to the standalone for this. But she is still a disability rep. Just how she is a rep is now different.I wouldn't remove the curse without putting something in its place. Eda's curse means far too much on a personal level to erase her representation entirely. I do have a plan. And it will make sense I hope. Also in that same kind of vein yes there is a catch here with Luz doing magic. It is kind of referenced here but we'll get into more details later. Last thing I can't fully go into the details as to why, yet, but Camila is absent from this Luz's life. Not by choice mind you. But that plays a part in how Luz ends up in this situation.

Last note. There ended up being a bit too many parallels for me between this and Campverse as the kick off point. And I decided rather than keep two separate stories, to integrate the Campverse idea into this where I could. Unforunately not everything could. But here we are. With this sort of fusion between campverse and orphanverse with some other stuff thrown in. No orphanverse isn’t being dropped. Just campverse. Anyways Ao3 link here. Story is under the read more otherwise~

Eda, King, and Luz don’t often talk about the first time they met.

Mainly because Luz doesn’t remember any of it.

Sure she remembers the decision to run away from the camp. She remembers finding the portal door and stumbling through it. The last thing she remembers is a flash of orange that she now knows was Eda’s hair. After that though everything is blank for a few days.

Really to be honest she doesn’t remember much of those first few weeks if she is being completely honest.

The few times she asked Eda it went nowhere. Eda always gets this distant look when those early weeks come up. King’s answers are worded in a way so Luz is never sure if she can take him seriously.

In the end it doesn’t really matter to Luz.

She found Eda and she’s away from the camp that’s all she really cares about.

-------------------

Lilith is the first one to ask about it.

It’s a quiet moment between her and Eda. Amity, Luz, and King are elsewhere. They’re talking about some of the after effects of the curse.

Even now years after the curse had been removed. The effects aren’t completely gone.

Eda had paused for a moment to check on some potions she had brewing at the moment. Lilith of course had questioned what seemed like an abnormally large order compared to when she had seen Eda working before. To which Eda had simply said it was for a monthly personal stock.

“I wasn’t aware you took so many potions.” Lilith said, frowning. Not liking at all the implications at all that the five different cauldrons implied.

Eda shakes her head at that. “I don’t. They’re not mine, they're for Luz.”

“Oh.” Amity had mentioned Luz had said she had some health issues. Lilith had never really thought about the extensiveness of it before now. “I didn’t realize it was such a concern.”

“Yeah well they caused some hiccups when she first came to stay with me so I’ve had to deal with them front and center.”

Hell, part of the reason Luz had ended up with her was because of it.

“You know I never asked. How did you two meet in the first place?”

“There’s not much to tell.”

Really there wasn’t. All it had been was Luz stumbling through the door which she had forgotten to close. Fainting from a high fever.

Luz had originally ended up staying at The Owl House because Eda had no clue where she had come from. She didn’t know where the local landmarks were. Or where the human healers were. And she wasn’t about to kick out a sick child on her watch.

The following weeks were where the story really started arguably.

“There must be some story behind it Edalyn.” Lilith protests.

Eda pauses for a moment there seeming to consider how to best respond to that. “Maybe there is but do I ask you how you and Amity came to live together?”

That does the trick in getting Lilith to stop the questions.

------------------- Amity is next though she’s a lot less direct than her mother figure.

Boscha was being her normal self. Though a comment directed towards Eda had managed to set Luz off in a way Amity wasn’t used to seeing before.

It had been only through some quick thinking and intervention no one had ended up in a fist fight.

“Why did you even go after Boscha? You know that’s just going to make things worse right?”

“I know but you don’t get it. She never goes after you and Lilith.”

Now it was Amity’s turn to get annoyed. “Only because of Lilith’s status and you know that.”

Luz realized she had accidentally stepped on some toes in her own anger. “Right sorry. It just hit really close to home this time. Too close.”

Amity frowned not for the first time confused by her friend’s behavior and history. It didn’t make much sense to her if she was being honest. “What part the part about Eda being a-”

“No, no. It's the other part.” Luz admitted with hesitance. “Eda took me in when no one else wanted me. If I didn’t have Eda, I don’t know where I would be right now.”

Dead probably. Eda had saved her in more than one fashion.

“How did she save you anyway?”

Luz didn’t like talking about her time before the Boiling Isles. Something that for the most part Amity respected. Everyone had skeletons in their closet. Sometimes a bit more figuratively then literal in the case of Luz. So Amity was always wondering how in the world a wild witch like Eda had essentially come to adopt a human.

“I wish I could tell you but I honestly don’t remember much after I first started living there. My...issue was uncontrolled back then and at its worst before Eda helped.”

Oh that’s what Luz meant by save.

Amity lets the topic drop from there.

------------------- Then Willow.

Willow is more just curious about how they became a family to begin with when she asks Luz the question.

“Does it really matter?” Luz asks.

To her at least it doesn’t matter. Eda’s the first person that she feels genuinely cares about her. She never knew her parents and the foster families she had gone through had only tolerated her so much.

“Nah I get it. Family’s family. Regardless if it’s by blood. I was just being a bit nosey that’s all.”

Luz nods, she guessed the question was inevitable at some point. Considering whether to answer before saying. “To be honest I don’t really remember anything about the first few days.”

“Nothing?”

“No. When Eda found me I was sick, extremely so. I was in and out of consciousness for a few days. And even then after that it's all kinds of muddled until she helped me find the right potions to help.”

To be honest Luz doesn’t really remember much about her first month on the Isles.

“I didn’t realize it was flaring at the time.”

“Only because of the camp.” Luz grumbled.

Her opinion on the whole camp affair is complicated. She hates every memory attached to it. She hates how bad things got. However without it she probably would never have met Eda. Never found the Isles that had slowly become her home in the past year.

So, yeah it was complicated to say the least.

Willow’s look at first surprises Luz. Then she remembers that she almost never talks about how screwed up the camp was.

Eda is really the only one who knows outside of her healer. And Luz sometimes just prefers to keep it private.

The less she reflects on that time the better.

“Hey, I’m fine.” Luz assures.

“Still that that happened to begin with…”

“It’s messed up. I know that. However, without them I would never have met Eda or you or anyone else. So-” Luz shrugs. “It’s not all horrible.”

------------------- Finally Gus thought of his way of asking if by far the least indirect.

“I just don’t get if there’s so much cool stuff on Earth why you left?”

Luz thinks for a moment picking her words carefully. Gus, of the friend group probably knew the least about her pre-Eda time. Part of Luz didn’t want to break his fascination with the human realm. Just because she didn't have a great history there.

Though that reality breaking moment was probably going to come at some point anyway.

“It’s...complicated. Not everything's sunshine and rainbows on Earth, Gus. I know you see the good side.” Partly because that was mainly what came up when it came to Human Appreciation Club things. “But not everything’s perfect.”

“Sunshine and rainbows?”

“Ah right you guys wouldn’t have that here.” Even after living on the Isles for a year Luz still got tripped up over the different metaphors. “I don’t know what the equivalent here is but basically means not everything is good and happy as it seems.”

“Ah so like there can’t always be moonlight and conjurings. Got it.”

Luz made a note to ask Eda about that later. Though she guessed it sounded similar enough.

Maybe she should ask Eda for a book on witch metaphors.

“So were things really that bad?”

Luz hesitates for a moment trying to think how to best respond to it. Sure not everything was bad. But for years the good had been buried under so much.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why?”

“It must hurt to think about Earth if you have all those bad memories attached to it.”

“It does sometimes.” Luz admits. “But talking with you about the good times helps me remember that not everything was bad all the time.”

Gus lights up. “I’m glad I can help then.”

------------------- It’s only after Gus that Luz finally asks Eda what actually happened.

“Why do you wanna know.”

“I guess I’m just curious. I don’t remember anything after I arrived for several days. And by the time I really started getting better you had pretty much just taken me in.”

Eda seems to debate at first for a moment, finally saying. “Alright. But first let's start with what’s the last thing you remember before waking up here. And the first thing you remember after that.”

“Stumbling through the portal door and then waking up in your room a few days later.”

“Yeah that sounds about right.” Eda agrees. “Alright then-”

Owlbert had been running behind getting back from his human treasure run. So Eda had left the door open. What she hadn’t expected was for Owlbert to show up with a teenage girl in tow.

Before Eda gets the chance to question anyone on anything. Like just how did Owlbert acquire a human apparently. The girl passes out on her.

“What the heck?”

King walks up to her side. “Is she dead?”

“I don’t think so.” Eda kneels besides the teenage girl. Placing a hand in front of the mouth. Still breathing at least. Though what had caused her to turn into a heap is a good question.

Maybe it had something to do with going through the portal. Hand moving she passes by the kids forehead. Which she can now tell is radiating heat.

Fever. The kid was sick.

Which raised a whole bunch of questions that definitely weren’t going to get answered right now with her out for the count.

Probably the best thing to do was to take her to a human healer. But Eda doesn’t know anything about them. Let alone where to find one.

Well she did know how to treat an illness at least. Or at least a high fever. And as long as the kid was sick and out cold she was Eda’s responsibility. Whether she liked it or not.

First things first was to get that fever down. Eda reasoned, scooping the girl up off the floor. And then she could question Owlbert on a few things.

------------------- Eda learns the girl’s name on her second day, Luz.

Admittedly she doesn’t learn much else. Despite her work the fever still has yet to break. And Luz is in and out of sleep most of the time.

Owlbert has been even less helpful in figuring out where Luz came from. He had said he had thought she was lost in the woods. And getting caught in the rain seemed like a bad idea.

He hadn’t even realized Luz was sick at first.

Of course naturally the easiest way to find answers would be to send him scouting to see where the kid came from. However right now she wants Owlbert closer to her.

So for now the mystery remains.

At least keeping an eye on Luz is easy enough. The kid is sleeping other than when Eda shakes her awake to make sure she eats or drinks something.

Day four post arrival throws a hiccup in that Eda had never been expecting.

Eda wakes up to an empty nest.

A quick talk with Owlbert tells her that he hasn’t left but has moved down to the kitchen. Moving down herself causes an eyebrow raise though as Eda finds Luz cooking. Or trying to if the way she’s falling asleep again on her feet is any indication.

“Kid?”

Whatever Eda expects, it's not Luz about jump startling herself back awake. Followed by a string of apologies.

“Kid-”

“Luz.”

Eda wonders why the correction for a moment before pushing the question out of her mind. “Luz, take a breath for a second I’m not mad. I was just concerned to see you cooking while sick.”

“But if I don’t cook then how can I earn my place.”

“I forgot I said that.” Luz interrupts for a moment. She hadn’t realized she had said anything of that nature. But then again Eda hadn’t really seemed surprised when she had first talked about what life on Earth had been like for her.

“It’s not the only thing you said. But it was the one that started setting off alarm bells. Because-”

“No one should have to earn a spot in a family.” Luz repeats what Eda had said to her so many times now. “I know you keep reminding me.”

“And I will keep telling you as long as you need it. Since you lived with some messed up people.”

Well if that didn’t raise a whole bunch of red flags Eda isn’t sure what will. “Luz it's okay you don’t need to do that. You’re sick.”

“But-”

“No but.” Eda cuts in. “Now are you actually hungry or were you just trying to help?”

“More thirsty than hungry.”

“Okay I can work with that.” -------------------

Honestly part of Eda is starting to wonder if Luz is faking the memory loss.

Okay, not really but she was getting a bit tired of repeating herself to Luz.

The only time Luz doesn’t seem to have known where she was, was during the kitchen incident. And Eda thinks she was more on autopilot than anything else that time.

At least there hadn’t been a repeat of that she supposed.

Regardless Eda is almost at her wits end with trying to get Luz better. When a rather big surprise happens.

Luz casts a light spell.

It’s an accident. Luz still doesn’t have control over her magic. And her being sick only makes the situation worse. She’s trying to put the little ball of light out when Eda comes into the scene. Not having seen Luz casting but not being able to miss the floating ball of yellow light in the room no matter how hard Luz is trying to hide it. “Huh I don’t remember casting a light spell in here.”

Luz freezes in place. One hand still holding the light ball and staring at Eda wide-eyed. And proceeds to start panicking.

Okay, panicking over magic was definitely not something Eda thought she would ever see let alone experience. But at least she knows what to do. Grabbing Luz and pulling her in close so she can she starts taking her through the exercises she was taught. “Breathe with me. In…” Eda internally counts to 7 before talking again. “And out….”

Slowly but surely Luz’s breathing slows to a normal pace. Eda gives her a couple of minutes to collect herself before asking. “Are you feeling better?” A nod. “Alright do you think you can tell me what that was all about?”

There’s a pause before Luz shakes her head no.

Eda’s not sure where to go from there. There was some part of her that was confused. Why would someone panic over using their magic?

“You know now that-”

“That you were worried I was going to take everything the wrong way? Yeah I’m aware. But at the time kid you gotta remember I had just walked in on you panicking over a light spell. It didn’t make much sense.”

Really she needed some answers on what the heck had just happened. But she didn’t want to force them out of the kid.

“Could you at least tell me why you were panicking over a light spell?” Eda decides to try.

Luz looks up for the first time in the whole conversation. Confusion evident on her face. “A light spell?”

“Yes, a light spell.” Eda’s equally baffled but pushes it aside for a moment. She casts her own light spell as an example. “See? Just like yours.”

Except maybe not. Luz stares at Eda’s own spell with a sense of open mouthed wonder. And now Eda is left wondering if she’s ever seen anyone else use magic before.

It would maybe explain the panic attack depending on how other humans viewed magic.

“Can I touch it?”

Eda cocks her head slightly wondering why but decides it doesn’t matter. “Sure. It shouldn’t hurt you.”

The way Luz holds the ball gently in her hands cements Eda’s suspicions. “You’ve never seen anyone else cast magic before have you?”

Luz shakes her head no slowly. Some part of Eda’s heart breaks when Luz speaks her voice cracking slightly. “Everyone back on Earth just calls me a menace." If she's lucky as Eda later learns. Sometimes that's the kinder thing to be called. "I’ve tried so hard to control this but everything I do just makes it worse.”

“Magic can be difficult to control if you don’t know what you’re doing.”

“I know.” Luz has a distant look in her eyes for a moment. And Eda wonders what she’s remembering.

Eda’s not sure who's more surprised by her next suggestion. Her or Luz. “Would you like me to teach you how to control your magic?”

Luz stares at her for a moment. “You would be willing to do that?”

“Of course. No one should have to live in fear of something that is a part of them.”

Eda will take it to the grave that part of this is self motivated. Yes she wants to help Luz to learn to control her magic. No one should have to live in that much fear of their own self. She would know herself how hard and trying that could be.

However, a human doing actual magic is such a curiosity. She’s hoping that maybe having Luz around some more might solve how this was even possible.

Though part of her wonders if she is going to like what she finds out.

However, despite the self motivation there is some sincerity. She remembers what it was like when was freshly cursed. Being worried about turning into The Owl Beast on a moment’s notice.

That was part of the past now. However that didn’t mean she couldn’t sympathize with Luz.

“You know what that’s like?”

“Yeah but that’s a story for another time.”

No way was Eda going to explain just yet her troubled teenage years. Or her own magic based issues. That could come later. If ever.

On the bright side this does make things a bit easier. If Luz can do magic then she must have some sort of demon or witch blood in her. So a healer would be able to properly treat her. She just has to find a healer.

“And there’s not much else to say there really. You started getting better after Althea came out. And the rest is history.”

“So I basically wore you down into taking me in?”

“In a way I guess you could say that. I mean there was no one real moment I knew I was taking you in permanently. Though I guess learning you can cast magic was the catalyst. It just kind of happened. Whatever resistance I might have had left after nursing you back from a fever went away pretty quickly.”

What had started out as a strange want to help driven by a degree of curiosity. Had evolved as Luz had gotten closer to her. As Luz had gotten better and slowly started opening up to her and King. After Eda had found out the actual chain of events that had set up the two of them meeting in the first place…

Yeah, Eda had been more than willing to let Luz move in permanently rather than return to the human realm.

Sure the family thing wouldn’t come for a few more weeks. As Luz had wormed her way into her heart. But at first it was nice to have some other constant company besides King.

The continuing mystery of Luz’s ability was just part of the equation. At this point Luz was as much family as Lilith and King were.

“Thank you.”

Luz isn’t entirely sure if she’s thanking Eda or Owlbert. Since they both had a role in her finding a life and family on the Isles.

“Your welcome kid.”

#the owl house #the owl house fanfiction #luz noceda #mama eda #eda clawthorne #lilith clawthorne #amity blight #willow park #gus porter #toh au

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hoidn · 3 years

Text

Writer Tag Game

@anghraine was kind enough to tag me for this.

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 110. they're not all fic, though.

2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 386,718. again, it's not all fic, so let's call it an even 385K for the fic portion.

3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos?

A Wild and Distant Shore Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

Hearing Light Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

to suppose the truth of it possible Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

Drowning in the Absolute Yes Pride and Prejudice, Elizabeth/Darcy

if you came this way Star Trek: Voyager, Janeway/Chakotay

4. Do you respond to comments; why or why not? for the sake of my mental health, i would prefer not to answer at this time. (i’m not being sarcastic. this is actually very difficult for me to talk about.)

5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? probably Periapsis. Callisto’s just been raped by Zeus. we all know what happens next.

6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? i really don't know how to answer this. most of my fics have, at the very least, hopeful endings, and i think a lot depends on the context. for example, Elizabeth and Darcy are happy in both A Wild and Distant Shore and Hearing Light, but one is the happiness of a newly married couple still learning the joys of sexual intimacy with each other, whereas the other is the happiness of a newly engaged couple still in the first tremulous throes of requited love and attraction. how do you quantify which state is happier? to use a different sort of example, Harvest ends happily for Griet because she’s achieved a kind of freedom she never imagined, but i don't know how to compare that to, say, Mulder’s happiness at still being with Scully after so many years in and the world keeps beginning. there are different kinds of happiness is what i'm saying, and i don’t know how to judge the relative values.

7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest most absurd one you’ve ever written? how about we don’t use the word ‘crazy’ here? i’ve written a few crossovers, though i'm not a big fan of them. (as opposed to fusions, which i absolutely adore.) for most absurd, considering that Pride and Prejudice and Star Trek: The Next Generation are two of the unlikeliest canons to combine, Lydia, still has been a surprisingly well-received fic.

8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? if i have, it wasn't particularly memorable. i suppose it depends on how one defines 'hate' in this context. i know i've had comments from people who have not been happy with some aspect of a fic, or with me generally, but nothing i'd actually term hate. (truthfully? i'm kind of disappointed.)

9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? there are kinds? i wasn't aware of this and i don't know what the categories are. amusing fact (at least to me): my most popular fic by kudos happens to be the first piece of smut i ever wrote. since then i've written a lot more, for a variety of f/f and f/m pairings, including various kinks, dub-con, non-con, and even alpha/omega (heavens to betsy!); however, my writing preference is people who love each other (even if they don't know/won't admit it), and those pairings make up the bulk of my smut fic.

10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? just the once, to my knowledge, and it was an extremely disappointing experience. a few years ago if you came this way was repackaged into a fic called Hired for Love by someone named cress26. and when i say it was disappointing, i mean... like, okay, i know i'm a solid writer. (that sentence notwithstanding.) obviously i'm no anne carson or a.s. byatt, but i'd give myself a solid B average for overall quality. so i guess i figured that if someone was going to steal my stuff, it would be because of that. but, no. instead of merely suffering the insult of being plagiarised, i was forced to also suffer the much, much worse indignity of having a story that is absolutely freakin' beautiful in places -- and i do say so myself -- taken apart and put back together like frankenstein's monster. seriously, even now, i am still so much more offended by how dreadful they made the fic than by the actual plagiarism. a copy and paste job i could understand! that fic is good, damn it! that is some A-grade shit right there. but how can anyone have so little respect for writing, or for language, just in general that they’d take something and then ruin it to claim it as theirs? ugh, it’s so dreadful.

...wanna see? ;D most of it is still available on the wayback machine.

Chapter 1 | Chapter 2 | Chapter 3 | Chapter 4

11. Have you ever had a fic translated? i feel like maybe someone did once ask me if they could? but i have no confidence that that actually happened, so i don’t know. anyway, i’ve got a blanket permission statement in my profile, so it’s possible that someone has translated something and i’m just not aware of it. or i was aware and i forgot. these are all possibilities. i’m a very unreliable narrator.

12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? no. it's something i've long been interested in trying, and there have been a couple of people i've wanted to try it with, but i can only imagine i'd be a nightmare for someone else to work with, so i've never broached the topic.

13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? once upon a time i would've said Mulder/Scully but i'm sad to admit that's no longer the case. while Elizabeth/Darcy is now my most enduring ship, i really can't say it's my all-time favourite (though it's in the top 5, certainly). i think, at this point, given the word count devoted to them, and the number of hours i've spent thinking, writing, and making gifs of them, it's going to have to be Walt/Vic. our relationship is only six years old, but those six years represent an output that exceeds all the years of all my other ships combined.

14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? yeah, see, there's a reason why i don't post real WIPs. (with one current exception that i’m still actively working on). actually there are more than a hundred reasons, scattered across a variety of documents on my hard drive. i doubt i'll finish any of them, but this way no one’s disappointed except me, and i was disappointed to begin with.

15. What are your writing strengths? i'm able to compose grammatically correct sentences and i actually know what words mean. oh, sorry, was that overly sardonic? let me try again. sex and feelings. those are my strengths. i’m good at writing sex and i’m good at writing feelings and when you put those two things together you have most of my fic.

16. What are your writing weaknesses? getting bogged down in details or overly convoluted metaphors, anything resembling plot, actually writing things. (see above re: over a hundred WIPs.)

17. What are you thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? i'm pretty sure i've never had any thoughts on the topic. nobody told me there was a prerequisite for this meme!

18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? The X Files. the year was 2006 and i was 29. that's right, kids. i was late to the fandom party. also i am middle agéd. run away! run away!

19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written? i don't have one. i feel affectionately towards some for different reasons; there are some i don't like at all; a few i'm particularly proud of, whether or not i actually like them. basically, my feelings about my own writing are very complicated. i will say that i think Darlin', everything's on fire is one of the best things i've ever written. even there some bits make me wince when i read it, though. (and now the song is stuck in my head again. damn it.)

▪︎

i will tag @sarking, @sqbr, @wendelah, and @ziparumpazoo if they feel like it, because they’re the only ones i can think of right now, but any other fic writers who want to participate, please consider yourself tagged. below you’ll find the list of questions (with my edit) for your convenience:

1. How many works do you have on AO3? 2. What’s your total AO3 word count? 3. What are you top 5 fics by kudos? 4. Do you respond to comments; why or why not? 5. What’s the fic you’ve written with the angstiest ending? 6. What’s the fic you’ve written with the happiest ending? 7. Do you write crossovers? If so, what is the craziest most ridiculous one you’ve ever written? 8. Have you ever received hate on a fic? 9. Do you write smut? If so, what kind? 10. Have you ever had a fic stolen? 11. Have you ever had a fic translated? 12. Have you ever co-written a fic before? 13. What’s your all-time favourite ship? 14. What’s a WIP that you want to finish but don’t think you ever will? 15. What are your writing strengths? 16. What are your writing weaknesses? 17. What are you thoughts on writing dialogue in other languages in a fic? 18. What was the first fandom you wrote for? 19. What’s your favourite fic you’ve written?

#meme sheep #me and my charms

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marsupials-of-mars · 4 years

Text

Regicide

(A little bit of inspiration drawn from @sweetest-honeybee s Kingceit doodles)

What do you MEAN you won't?!" Deceit stood cold, frozen, immobile. He seemed to refuse to believe what they had just requested. "You can't just STOP! What about me?! About us?! What about what we had?!"

Roman attempted to avoid eye contact, but found it difficult once Remus had shoved him forward and ducked behind him.

"We just... we've been doing this so long now, and we all know it's not what anyone wants."

"Who knows that?! Who said I know that?! It IS what I want! It's what he wants!" Deceit bared his fangs as he shouted, a hiss from deep within his throat mixing with his words.

"But..." Remus peered over Roman's shoulder. "It's NOT what he want's. It's not because of you, he just doesn't want to BE anymore. He almost isn't him, and it's about to feel like an act to keep going."

"Then let him act!" Deceit gritted his teeth at his own words. They tasted sour in his mouth, but the thought of losing him for good was even worse. "I love him!"

Roman shook his head and reached out for Deceit's arm, but he quickly jerked it away. Roman sighed. "You won't love him. You loved him. But he's not gonna be the same anymore. I know it, Remus knows it, he knows it. And I know you know it. Trust us, it's less painful for everyone this way."

"Nothing could be more painful than this!" Tears sprang to Deceit's eyes. "You're KILLING him! You're MURDERING my King! And you expect me to just accept that?" The anger in his voice quickly drained until nothing was left but grief. "Please... I need him. I'm begging you, you know I don't beg..."

"I am partial to begging..." Remus met Roman's eyes and wiggled his brows.

"Cut it out! Not the time!" Roman sharply shoved his brother. Remus coughed and looked at his feet.

"Yeah sorry I uh... it's how I lighten the mood..." his voice was uncharacteristically soft and apologetic. He looked back up at Deceit. "We do care... but it hurts to be King. Like the bad kind of hurt, painful hurt. It's like trying to hold your head together as it's splitting down the middle." Remus demonstrated, a crack running down his skull and his head falling open to expose red goo and grey matter. Deceit jerked back. "But way less fun."

Roman chimed in: "Every time you see him, he's in pain. He hides it because he loves you but... it's getting unbearable. Remus and I, we're not parts of a whole in the slightest, and King can tell. We used to be the good and the bad, we could click together like puzzle pieces. But we're... rounded. And the pieces don't fit anymore."

Deceit clenched his fists and squeezed his eyes shut. "I... undersss.. ssstand. But.. pleasss..sse... at leassss-ss-st let me ssse-sssee him one lasss-st-st time? To sssay goodbye?" His voice broke. His hiss had worsened in his hysteria, each S a struggle, slowing his sentences to a sluggish pace, but the brothers were patient. It was the absolute least they could do.

"Um..." Roman wrung his hands nervously. "I-uh... we don't... I mean..."

"Of course we will! Ain't that right Lame-miserables?" Remus elbowed Roman sharply in the ribs without breaking eye contact with Deceit. "The least we can do!"

Roman looked up at Remus. He finally noticed something he hadn't before. Unmistakable love. His smile was anxious but soft, his gaze warm and sympathetic. It wasn't quite clear what kind of love it was, but Remus cared immensely, more than Roman had seen him care for anything in a long time. It clearly changed Roman's heart, because before he could stop himself he was agreeing.

"Yeah, of course we will, we want this to be as painless as possible for everyone."

"How long do I have?" Deceit grabbed Roman's shoulders. Roman had never seen him this emotional, without his usual calm collected exterior.

"Um..." Roman looked at Remus, who shrugged. "Ten..." Remus frantically gestured to raise the number. Roman grimaced but complied. "Twenty minutes. Twenty minutes to say what you need to say."

Roman had never known exactly what Deceit and King talked about. All he retained was a feeling, a distinct lack of the fear regarding Deceit that the other lights seemed to have. When Deceit acted tough or collected, Roman couldn't quite take what he was saying at face value, could feel his more personal motivation, the feelings Deceit had about his contributions.

He was overall more quick to open himself to Deceit's side, and from that he'd realized that Deceit must talk often with King about his deeper feelings and ideas. He would only open up like that to someone he felt extremely close to. He was very secretive in general, and the act of revealing even the smallest bit of personal information seemed incredibly intimate to him. Roman wasn't quite sure what Remus experienced from King, but he always assumed it might be similar.

"And then...?" Deceit gripped Roman's sash and twisted it around white knuckles. His eyes were pleading, hopeful.

"And then we're done." Roman gently lowered Deceit's hands. "I'm sorry."

"Monthly! How about monthy?! Every other month? Yearly?" Deceit looked to Remus.

"We... will think about it." Remus's smile was strained. He couldn't operate on the spot, pinned by Deceit's desperate stare. Roman had to be the bad cop, no matter how backwards it seemed.

"NO. We won't think about it. Do you REALLY want a relationship monthly, or every other month, or yearly, where you get twenty minutes with an in pain and slowly fading shell of who you really want to be with? You need to let him go, rip off that bandaid rather than slowly peeling it off over... who knows how long you want to keep this up?"

"But Remus just said-!"

"Remus is an idiot! You're hysterical if you're hung up on what he said!" Roman took Deceit's shoulder. "Look, don't think about this now. Just enjoy your last bit with him."

Deceit slowly loosened his grip and the desperation faded, replaced now by a sort of empty acceptance. "I... okay. Let me sssee him."

Roman nodded and looked to Remus. "Ready?"

Remus fell into Roman without a second thought, eager to give Deceit closure. His tentacles wrapped Roman's waist and shoulders and Roman resisted his instinct to recoil. He leaned in and touched their foreheads together. His brother's breath smelled awful and he could feel himself getting more disgusting by the second. His final thought, before he lost himself, was how relieved he was that would never have to bare a fusion again.

King woke with a splitting headache. He rubbed his temples as he slowly opened his eyes, the light sending more piercing pain through his skull.

"King!" He looked down in time to see Deceit barrel into him with open arms, knocking him to the ground.

"Woah! You're hardly a hugger..." He rubbed Deceit's back.

"I am when you're DYING jackass!"

King winced at the volume. "Aw, cmon, I'm not dying. I'm just... not gonna be around anymore."

"That's no different!"

Deceit pushed his face into King's sash and flicked out his tongue, drawing in his scent while he still could. King was the only one who knew most of Deceit's "embarrassing" habits and reflexes, though he tried to convince Deceit that they were adorable. In turn, Deceit was the only one who knew some of King's secrets, such as;

"I don't know what I'm going to do without you Tiberinus..." Deceit spoke softly and gripped King's sash.

"You're going to be the best goddamn side in the mindscape, you're going to get your points across, you're going to open yourself up, you're going to SMILE and you're going to do anything else you damn well please because you're DECEIT and your your own wonderful amazing sexy person."

Deceit scoffed. "Yeah, I'm sure..."

King stuck him with a stern look. "You're going to SMILE. Because you have the most radiant smile and the sickest fangs i've ever seen, and it's not fair that I'm the only one who gets to see that with any regularity. It's absolutely sinister."

"I'm sinister." Deceit hissed.

"No, honestly right now you seem pretty sniffly and cuddly. And in any case sinister people still gotta smile from time to time. Look at the joker."

"Oh, the joker! What a fun and convincing comparison!" Deceit rolled his eyes.

"You get what I mean though, I don't want to be the only one you can talk to because then you'll stop talking altogether. You have so many amazing things to say, and as much as I love being your outlet, if you keep plugging everything into a single outlet your house is bound to burn down. And if you only trust that one outlet and it burns out, you'll be some idiot sitting in the dark surrounded by perfectly functional outlets upset that you can't read your book. Comprendo? "

Deceit let out a lengthy sigh. "What if my lamp can only reach one outlet?"

"Then you move the lamp. You may get some weird shadows and you might have to sit at the other end of the couch. But you'll still be able to read."

Deceit slapped King's knee in frustration. "See?! You can come up with these perfect metaphors and figure out feelings so easily. I'm not good at that."

"Patton is good at that. And Logan, and sometimes even Roman and Remus. I don't get it from nowhere. You're gonna be okay."

"Who's going to act with me?"

"Roman."

"Who's going to help me when I'm sick?"

"Patton."

"Who's going to make me laugh?"

"Remus, Roman, Logan... they're funny if you ever tried talking to them. You need to think outside your tiny me-centered box. You just have to try a little. Honestly... this might be for the best."

Deceit bolted upright. "How can you say that?! How could this possibly be for the best?! You're DYING!"

"Okay, yknow what? I'm breaking up with you."

Deceit paused. "What?"

"I'm breaking up with you. Looks like you have to move on now. And you're not going to see me anymore. Because we're broken up."

Deceit blinked. "What are you doing?"

"Look, what's harder? Your beloved dying, or never again having to see that awful ex you hate? So I hate you, and we're through."

Deceit stared a moment before breaking into laughter. King relished the last time he'd hear that laugh.

"Fuck you!" Deceit shoved his shoulder.

"That's the spirit! I hate your guts!"

"Go to hell!"

"See you there!"

"I hope I do so I can kill you again!"

"You gotta kill me first you coward!"

Deceit fell into King's arms in fits of laughter.

"God I'm gonna miss you Tiber...I dunno if-"

"Nah. Not allowed. Chin up, Scales. You got this."

King suddenly felt a dampness on his chest. Deceit shook with sobs, gripping King's waist until it was almost painful. He placed a hand on Deceit's trembling back and trailed his fingers down his spine, softly, slowly, as he got it all out.

"Shhh... yeah, I know..." He wiped Deceit's wet cheek with his thumb.

"I don't want you to go... I know you think I can handle it, and I probably can I just... I still don't want you to leave me."

"I'm not going anywhere. I keep saying, it's not like I'm dying. I'll still be with you, and not even in a cheesy spiritual way, all that makes me up is still inside Roman and Remus. I know it doesn't seem like me, and I know it's way different from talking to me, but I'll always be there. I'll know what you're up to and I'll be watching. In the creepiest way possible. So you'd better not mope around once I'm out of here because I see all."

"Comforting..." Though it was sarcastic, King could tell that he'd managed to calm Deceit a good amount. His head ached from being together so long. He looked up at the clock on the wall.

"Twenty minutes. Looks like it's time to- Ow! Shut up! We agreed- You're disgusting!" He gripped his head. Deceit looked up at him anxiously.

"Tiber? What's going on?"

"Ah, just... bickering." King forced a smile. "Twenty minutes is up and they really want to split."

"Oh." Deceit took a deep breath and wiped his eyes. "About that... does it really hurt you? Have you been hurting? And keeping that from me? I would have wanted you to tell me... this might have been less unexpected."

"Oh so you're the only one who gets to keep secrets?" Deceit pulled back at the jab and King felt immediately guilty.

"Sorry, I'm just... headache. I wanted to hold it together. I wasn't planning this, I thought I could handle it. Because I love you, and I didnt want to do this to you. But I finally realized that it would be unfair to both of us if I ended up something that... wasn't me. I know it was selfish...I had some warning, I helped make the choice, so I got a head start on the mourning. But you only get... twenty minutes..." King hissed at the sharp pain in his skull. Deceit studied his face.

"Honestly... truly and honestly... I wouldn't have wanted you to tell me sooner. That would have just prolonged the inevitable. I wouldn't have been able to enjoy what I did have with you without worrying that everything we were dojng would be for the last time. And there's no use being mad anyway, I've lost any time I would have had to teach you any lessons."

"Eh, I don't learn anyways. uGH SHUT UP!" King covered his mouth and squeezed his eyes tightly shut to ward off his headache. "Sorry... I need to go."

"I know." Deceit helped King to his feet and wrapped his arms around his waist. He stared a moment. "Know that every second I spent with you makes up for this moment."

"You sappy snake..." King leaned his forehead against the top of Deceit's head. "One more for the road?"

"Like I'd let you go without it."

King tipped Deceit's chin up with a knuckle. He savored his last look into his lover's eyes, one a radiant yellow and the other a warm honey brown. He tried to burn the image into his mind, wherever it would end up. Only once he was convinced that he had it did he lean down to meet Deceit's lips with his own.

For that moment, he forgot about the pain, and he could ignore the taste of salt on both their lips. It was bliss, the kind he would never have again, the kind that was so perfect that he didn't need to.

He felt his body begin to warm, then a buzzing, a tingling throughout his skin. His headache built to a dull pulse. He pulled Deceit tighter, for what he could tell was his final second.

And then he was gone.

Roman woke with tears on his face and a rapidly beating heart. He looked up, first at Remus, who was no better off then he was, then to Deceit.

He was trembling, fingers poised over his lips as though he were afraid to touch them directly. His eyes were vacant and upturned, as if he hadn't quite noticed that whatever he'd been looking at had since left his line of sight.

Roman debated, for a moment, whether to speak or to leave him to his own thoughts. After weighing his options, he decided on the latter. He looked to Remus, who had already lunged forward to wrap Deceit in a hug, and had been returned with a shaky hand slowly closed onto his back.

Roman gulped and made his way over. He let his knuckles brush Deceit's as a gentle invitation. Deceit quickly accepted, intertwining their fingers and squeezing tightly.

"Can you feel him?" Deceit's voice was nearly inaudible. "Is he there?"

Roman stared at Deceit's soft profile. A warmth grew in his chest, a feeling that could have been his, but not quite. And it was clear.

"Yes. And he loves you a whole lot."

A ghost of a smile pulled at Deceit's lips.

"I know."

#deceit sanders #king creativity #sanders sides #thomas sanders #creatwins #angst

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findingtheperfectcharacter · 4 years

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Long dumb night thoughts

I just realized Peridot and Steven both had a change in Homeworld perspective but in opposite directions and I kind of hate it.

Like, Peridot started off with the perspective of a middle class (? I don't think Peridots are upper crusts like Sapphires but they're obviously not grunts so I'm calling them middle class) gem who lived on Homeworld and saw it as the best thing since sliced bread because it's home.

Her perspective changes however when she ends up stranded on Earth and forced to exist among 'lower class' gems and found herself out of her comfort zone forced to treat people she saw as lessers with respect or risk tne consequences. She sees the beauty of Earth and sees its destruction as an irrational emotional act on the part of leaders she once believed were infallible, combined with seeing 'lesser' gems being competant in fields she didn't expect them to be in she began to rethink her views on Homeworld as a whole until she finally called out Yellow in an act of treason.

Peridot had a really good arc.

Steven started off with the viewpoints of oppressed lower class gems. His family consisted of a Pearl (an unpaid servant.. So a slave but people are weird about flat saying that) wh's shown to be skilled in more than one field. A fusion who exists for love an act that's illegal on Homeworld, an Amethyst that's too small and his human father, a failed rockstar who owns a car wash.

He grows up hating Homeworld for doing things like creating forced fusions out of the bodies of their enemies (They're lowkey like stitched together bodies of dead solders. It's super fucked up.) And one big forced fusion made up of thousands of bodies made to destroy Earth, Wanting his fusion mom to be dead for being gay, wanting his entire planet to die meaning literally all of his loved ones, trying to kill off disabled and polyamorous gems (The Offcolors, that one Sapphire is clear ly intended to be a metaphore for a disabled person and it in-universe makes sense that she'd be considered disabled. They wanted her dead for that.), creating corrupted gems, oppressing lower class gema and other probably terrible things that I forgot.

Than the Pink Diamond reveal happened and Steven realized #notallevilintergalacticdictators and maybe the evil intergalactic dictatories were oppressed by their position too and really they're people too UwU. He saw things from the uppercrust position in other words and basically seemed to forget the atrocities they comited and the idea that Diamonds should inherently rule is never questioned again. In fact, it's encouraged, because now Pink Diamond Stevie's basically ruler of the Earth colony. Fucking whoops.

#su critical

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anythingstevenuniverse · 5 years

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*SU Spoiler* More Episodes and Descriptions!

We got bombarded with a surprise from Cartoon Network! Not only are we graced with 10 episodes instead of 4 throughout the month of December, but episode titles with descriptions have been added. Of course, they are small descriptions and with a history of titles and descriptions being misleading, anything and nothing can happen! So without delay, let’s get started on some predictions!

1) “Little Homeschool” (Dec 7th, 8 p.m. EST)

“Welcome to Little Homeworld, a place on earth where Gems from all over the universe can come learn how to live together peacefully! But there’s one Gem who refuses to attend.”

This episode is likely an introduction episode. It will show how Little Homeworld functions and how the uncorrupted Gems and Homeworld Gems live on Earth. Although most are saying Jasper may appear in this episode, I believe the Gem refusing to attend is the new uncorrupted pink Gem we saw in the promo. It would be too soon for Jasper to enter and again this episode is to introduce the new series. Something may happen to the pink Gem on Little Homeworld or Steven but nothing serious to be a major plot point. We are going to start of with a light hearted introduction of the changes after the movie and how Gems are integrating on Earth as well as a new Gem society.

2) “Guidance” (Dec 7th, 8 p.m. EST)

“Amethyst has been helping Little Homeschool Gems find jobs on the boardwalk, but Steven isn’t sure about her approach.”

Amethyst and Steven have a great sibling like relationship. However, this episode is going to test the limits and fragility of said bond. Amethyst was made on Earth making her a great advisor to Gems who are just integrating. However, she tends to be more lax then the other Gems and will either have the Homeschool Gems pick their jobs or choose a job for them and just let them do it at their own pace. Steven will be worried because the Gems have only just learned about human culture and screw ups may ensue much like in Season 1. He may try to help the Gems in their current job or move them to another job. This course of action will offend Amethyst and cause an argument that will put a rift in their relationship. Depending on how the episode goes, either the conflict will be resolved or will continue. Even if the conflict is resolved, their relationship will not be the same as Amethyst will think Steven does not trust her in helping out and causes her self worth to dwindle a bit and Steven will feel a bit of guilt that will slowly cause self-doubt within himself. This episode will have some serious confrontation and is just the beginning of what’s to come.

“Rose Buds” (Dec 7th, 8 p.m. EST)

“Steven gets a surprise visit from some old friends, and even more surprising introductions from new ones.”

This episode is going to bring major conflict for Steven. The wording of the description is interesting in this episode. He gets a surprise visit from old friends, most likely the Famethyst as they were seen in the promo. The Famethyst will either visit Earth or Steven will visit the Zoo to check on how things have been. Since the Gem Empire has been dismantled, the Famethyst are free to be more relaxed. We will see how this care-free lifestyle will integrate with helping the zoomans since they cannot return to Earth from fear of culture shock. However, the description also stated an “even more surprising introduction from new ones” which we all highly anticipate is the unbubbled Rose Quartz Gems. We did see a Rose Quartz in the promo, so it highly likely the new Gems are Rose Quartz. We have no idea what their personality is or even their role on Homeworld. We will get to see what actual Rose Quartz Gems are. However, this is going to cause Steven some serious conflict as they look like his mother. Steven does not hate his mother but is starting to resent her more because of the mistakes she made that he must clean up. In trying to help the Rose Quartzes, he will feel awkward and may lash out at one of them. He is going to lash out his anger at an innocent Rose Quartz and Steven is going to feel extremely bad for letting his negative emotions about his mother hurt someone who did not know or deserve it. More negative emotions are going to build up. Knowing Steven, he will apologize to the Quartz gem because he knows they are not his mother much like how Steven is not Pink Diamond. Things are going to get serious from here on out, especially in the next episode.

“Volleyball” (Dec 7th, 8 p.m. EST)

“Steven is determined to help Pink Diamond’s original Pearl heal the scar on her face.”

I have already made a couple theories on Pink Pearl before the new episode information arrived (see below) and this episode is a favorite of mine! First of the title is misleading already. Volleyball is a game where people form 2 teams and use their hands to hit a ball up in the air to the opposing teams until it hits the ground. A lot of Steven Universe titles have been misleading in the past. After talking to a friend either 2 things will happen related to the title: could be a metaphor for Pink Pearl being emotionally beaten back and forth causing her scar to become worse or there will be an actual volleyball game somewhere in the episode. If this takes place on Homeworld, the metaphor scenario is likely but if this takes place in the Zoo, the volleyball game may happen. Besides the misleading title, notice how the description says Steven is “determined” to help Pink Pearl. This has me worried because sometimes being determined to do something can backfire. We can tell Pink Pearl is still obsessed with Pink Diamond. She may stay on Homeworld because of her obsession but she can also be in the Zoo as the whole base was made for Pink Diamond. Her crack is getting worse from her instability and she still smiles despite being out of White Diamond’s control. Steven won’t be able to heal her crack with his healing powers because it is related to mental not physical damage. Nothing seems to be working and Steven will become frustrated. Pink Pearl may also add to that frustration by being stubborn or naïve of Steven’s help and project her obsession of Pink Diamond onto him. This will cause new powers to form and from the promo it seems the new one may be the overpowered scream Pink Steven emits from CYM. This will be harmful to everyone around him and Pearl will most likely defend Pink Pearl from Steven. When Steven calms down, Pearl is likely to help Pink Pearl as both have been through the same ordeal just in different scenarios. The conflict and maybe Pink Pearl’s scar will resolve itself, but this will add more to Steven’s negative emotions and we will see the first onset of Steven’s new powers emerging.

“Bluebird” (Dec 14th, 8 p.m. EST)

“Steven questions the motive of a mysterious fusion that suddenly shows up at this house.”

In this episode, we get to see the new Eyeball Ruby and Aquamarine fusion. From the title, we can guess the name of the new Gem is Bluebird Azurite and after looking up the Gem, the color and design are the same. At first it may seem weird Steven is suspicious of this new Gem, but we must remember they are the fusion of Eyeball Ruby and Aquamarine. These 2 Gems do not like Steven at all and Steven has had bad experiences with both Gems. Eyeball Ruby tried to kill Steven in space and Aquamarine kidnapped his friends and took him prisoner to Homeworld. However, Bluebird Azurite may appeal to Steven’s caring nature and Steven will have to help them out. This could either be a ploy to infiltrate Little Homeworld for the Era 3 rebellion or the fusion may be lost and wants to find a new purpose in life. This episode can go either way and will still affect Steven. If Bluebird Azurite is a spy and attacks Steven, this will frustrate Steven because he let his guard down and cause conflict to his own principles. If Bluebird Azurite is lost and finds what they are looking for, Steven will be relieved but may have guilt into thinking the Gem had bad intentions. The first scenario seems likely because fusions do have the mindsets of both Gems and having hatred for Steven will fuel Bluebird Azurite’s motives.

“A Very Special Episode” (Dec 14th, 8 p.m. EST)

“Rainbow Quartz 2.0 promised to hang out with Onion the same day Sunstone scheduled a home safety Geminar! How can Steven be in two places, and two fusions, at once?”

This episode is already self explanatory on the conflict. This also reminds me of a lot of sitcoms in the early 2000s that have a funny dilemma of being in two places at once. We must wonder how Steven is going to deal with this scenario. A few Youtubers have speculated Steven will have the power to duplicate or make hologram versions of himself. There were questions about how Pink Diamond and Rose Quartz were present in multiple areas and the result was duplication. If Steven does have this power, he will either use the duplicate Stevens or Holo-Stevens to fuse with Pearl and Garnet or reshape his duplicates to look like the fusion. If the duplicates can fuse with other Gems, they may be unstable and cause chaos. If the duplicates are reshaped to look like Rainbow Quartz 2.0 and Sunstone, there may be some conflict because they lack any personality and if they resemble the Holo-Pearls, they may attack if feeling threatened. Either way, it will get chaotic quick and Steven will have to take control of the situation. The situation will calm down and Steven will explain what happens. Depending on how the Crewniverse wants to go this could either end in a funny yet wholesome manner or it can end with serious undertones leading to future plot.

“Snow Day” (Dec 21st, 8 p.m. EST)

“Steven and the Crystal Gems get a chance to catch up when they’re all snowed in together.”

This episode is pretty self-explanatory. Much like “We Need to Talk” and ‘Three Gems and a Baby” this episode will be campy, and we get to see what the Gems did after CYM and the movie. At first it will be wholesome because everyone gets to find out what life for the Gems has been after dismantling the empire and uncorrupting the Gems on Earth. However, Steven may realize the distant he and the Crystal Gems are because everyone is doing their own thing and have not had a chance to hang out or catch up. But episodes like these usually end in a good note but the Crewniverse may add this as fuel to the fire or in this case to Steven’s emotional state.

“Why So Blue?” (Dec 21st, 8 p.m. EST)

“Steven has heard rumors of a pair of Gems that are still destroying worlds. If he can’t stop them, maybe Lapis can.”

This is another highly anticipated episode. The pair of Gems is the 2 Lapis Lazulis we saw in the introduction. Because they are destroying other worlds, they are likely going to space. It would be very interesting if the Off Colors could come but I am guessing either it will be just Steven and Lapis or Peridot and Bismuth will join as well. This will be a Lapis centered episode and would give more information on Lapis’s status and life before arriving on Earth. It would be strange as to why the Lazulis would be destroying Earth on their own. This is highly hinted they are part of the Era 3 rebellion or they could also just be extremely mad their titles are taken away and want to blow off steam or piss people off. What I really want to see is a Lapis development in this episode. She has developed a lot in the Steven Universe series but now we get to see how much she has truly developed in this episode.

“Little Graduation” (Dec 28th, 8 p.m. EST)

“Steven and the Gems celebrate Little Homeschool’s first gradation class.”

This will be wholesome at first. From the press release, we saw a picture of the Off Colors in stage with graduation caps and Steven on a mic. We get to see Steven being so proud of the Off Colors and Homeworld Gems graduating from Little Homeschool and integrating into their new lives in Little Homeworld. However, Jasper will appear and crash the party. We can tell Jasper is not fond of Steven and the new era. She even yells, “you are not my diamond!” telling Steven he is not Pink Diamond. According to Sugar in a podcast Jasper is a complex character. She may act tough and rough, but she hates herself because of where she is from: Earth. Gems from Earth have lots of negative stereotypes and Jasper is no exception. Although she had a high ranking in the Gem Empire, she still gets remarks about her beginnings and that can mess with Jasper’s self-worth. Now that the Diamonds have decided to listen to Steven’s new rules of peace, Jasper is stripped of her status and has nothing. Jasper will try to take out Steven and hope she can restore the Gem Empire to its former glory or may just want to fight Steven. Once the fight ensues, Jasper will overpower Steven and Steven’s anger will manifest Pink Steven. With Pink Steven form he will overpower Jasper and even poof her. He may even come close to try shattering her until the Crystal Gems arrive and stop him (hopefully it does not go that far). Once Steven realizes what has happened, he will feel horrible, but the Gems will help him calm down. He will wait for Jasper to reform and maybe they can have a conversation where Jasper does not want to punch him first. There is also a possibility Jasper does not get poofed by Pink Steven and retreats. The main point is Jasper will be focused on this episode if she does not appear in “Little Homeschool” and will become a good antagonist to Steven.

“Prickly Pair” (Dec 28th, 8 p.m. EST)

“After leaving Little Homeschool, Steven has found a new hobby, plants.”

With everything Steven has gone through is such a short time, he needs something to relax. Gardening is a great way to blow off steam and not think about past events plaguing Steven. It also shows Steven does not fully resent his mother. Rose Quartz and Steven both love plants and their powers do have an affect on plant life. However, because Steven has been dealing with a lot and his negative emotions are consuming him, this will have consequences. Because his powers are related to his emotions, his plant powers will go haywire. Steven will plant a cactus and his spit (however it will happen) will come into contact. Cactus Steven is born! Unlike the Watermelon Stevens, Cactus Steven will have no sentient intelligence and just be a crazy monster embodying Steven’s negativity. Steven will try to calm it down and reason with it but Cactus Steven will not listen and continue to rampage. This will be one of the times Steven cannot help and will have to take Cactus Steven down. Unfortunately, this means Steven cannot do any gardening until his powers are in check or he will have to be extremely careful. Either way, he has no hobby to ease his stress and will just add more onto his stress. Steven cannot catch a break and his issues will keep piling up.

This series is going to focus on Steven dealing with his issues. When the episode titles and descriptions were released, there was an extended synopsis of the series. “Steven Universe Future, after saving the universe, Steven is still at it, tying up loose ends. But as he runs out of other people’s problems to solve, he’ll finally have to face his own. Haunted by the past and lost in the present, Steven begins manifesting new, uncontrollable powers that the Crystal Gems have never seen from him before. What does it all mean, and what does Steven want for his future?” These first 10 episodes of the series are going to show us more of mess Steven has to fix from his mother’s past. All those problems are going to affect his mental and emotional state to the point where his powers are going out of control. There are two characters we have not seen in the promo: White Diamond going pink and Wormy Boi (who could be corrupted/unstable Steven). He is likely going to affect those characters as well causing him more stress. Once those antagonists and problems are solved, Steven still has unresolved issues he needs to deal with. Those issues will tie to his new uncontrollable powers which can cause him to lash out and cause havoc. Haunted by his past is related to Pink Diamond’s mistakes being fixed and lost in the present is after he solves all those problems. Once everything is handled, Steven will have to figure out what he wants for his own future. Sometimes to move on into the future we must accept our past and follow the present. Once Steven can accept that will he know the answer. I am very excited to see what this series will bring to the Steven Universe universe!

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ramblinganthropologist · 5 years

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Writober 2019 - 3 (Pre-canon)

Summary: Nihlus and Alistair Shepard had to talk SOME time on the Normandy before Eden Prime, right? Something’s in the air, and it’s enough to almost make a man forget he was nerding over a sexy ship. Almost. The Normandy is one sexy ship after all.

---

There was nothing like checking out a new ship to get the blood pumping.

No doubt about it, the Normandy was a marvel of modern engineering and what could happen if two stubborn species put their oddly matched heads together. It had the power of the turian fleet, mixed with the ingenuity humans were so fond of employing. Where they crossed over, it was a fusion of efficiency and passion.

To put it bluntly, Alistair Shepard was in love.

“You are a beauty, you know that, right?” He patted the wall, his datapad streaming details. “Oh, you sexy thing you!”

Yes, he was talking to a ship. But it was a very handsome ship, and Joker could fight him on that.

Anderson had assigned him to check things out and get a feel for the details. After a few hours of scanning the place, he was almost through. The information on his screen was downright mind blowing – and best of all, he got to look at it whenever he wanted. He could probably spend days analyzing the data, finding more of the details left out of the official reports. They were always so dry – this was the meat, the heart of the ship. It was like he was present for open heart surgery and birth, all rolled up into one.

Was he getting emotional? He was, wasn't he.

“Anderson is going to love this data.” He hummed to himself as he turned to his bad side to check a screen. It had been beeping for quite some time, but he hadn't been able to see it. “Huh? Someone's coming down?”

It didn't give an ID number or rank, so that excluded pretty much everyone on the ship. The only person he could think of was maybe Anderson himself, or possibly Bo if she didn't feel like putting details in. Still, Alistair frowned as he tapped the message. It didn't sound like either of them.

The door behind him opened, and the clicking of talons caused him to whirl around. There was a turian standing in the room, arms crossed over his chest and face blank. At the sight of him, Alistair felt his face heat up, and his datapad went behind his back like he was hiding some kind of dirty magazine. To him, it kind of was.

And Nihlus Kryik had basically just witnessed him stuff it under the metaphorical mattress like a horny teenager. Great.

“Am I interrupting something?” His tone and mandibles suggested far too much; Alistair's face burned even brighter. “They said I would find you down here taking readings.”

His program was still running in the literal background, so... yeah? “I'm almost done. Captain Anderson requested a full work up.”

“From his best tech, no less. He must be expecting something interesting.” Nihlus walked further into the room, towards the screen Alistair had been compiling his readings in. “Care to share your preliminary thoughts, Shepard?”

Was he making fun of him? Alistair frowned as he looked down at his datapad. There were a lot of details, to say the least. Trying to put it together succinctly took up a large amount of brain power. As he worked, his eye wandered. He met the turian's gaze – Nihlus was laser focused on him. Down went his eye.

Damn it all, he was...

Still. He cleared his throat, putting his datapad to the side. “It's like you took the best of both our species' engineering feats and combined them into one ship. We've melded them into something completely new. It's fascinating. I can't wait to see him put through his paces.”

The turian cocked his head briefly. “Him? From what I've heard, humans tend to think ships are female.”

There was a flat tone to his voice that suggested a cultural translation of whatever he considered female – Alistair had done enough study to basically have a grip on turian gender and how it translated across the species. Still, the look in his eye almost suggested Nihlus was amused by this.

Damn it, when had he talked to Joker?

Alistair rubbed the short hairs on the back of his neck as he spoke. “Most do. Not me. The Normandy is a guy in my mind.”

“A very capable man, no doubt.” Nihlus' gaze was on him again. “The kind anyone would admire, perhaps.”

The tone of his voice did awful things to the human's stomach. Still, he kept his face as blank as possible as he nodded. Nihlus might not have been an enemy, but he was a Spectre that Council had just so happened to position on the Normandy. This was no polite meeting of the minds – he was watching for something.

Or someone. It didn't take a genius to narrow his targets down to a very short list.

“You didn't come down here to talk about the ship.” Alistair put his datapad back in its pouch and checked his omni tool for details of another scan he was running. “So, I assume you're here to watch somebody.”

Turians didn't smile like humans did, but he was pretty sure Nihlus gave his version of a smirk as he crossed the room to meet him there. There was very little space between them, armor almost brushing against fatigues. So close, almost in touching range.

It was a little too close for a friendly chat.

“You're as perceptive as Anderson suggested. No wonder he wanted you on the Normandy.” The smirk was in his tone as his eye roved up and down. That... was a tactical overlook, to say the least. Now Alistair's stomach was really flopping. “You must be popular.”

From his studies, he knew turians had subvocals that most humans couldn't pick up. However, Alistair was getting the feeling he knew what the other man was projecting. Given both their positions, it was a little inappropriate.

Not that he was complaining. Nihlus was handsome, to put it mildly. And if he was interested...

“I keep to myself.” A beeping from his wrist made the human grimace. “Oh, great. We're heading to Eden Prime.”

He sighed, rubbing a hand over the back of his neck. “I need to go get ready and get the rest of my team.”

“We'll talk afterwards. There are some things I want to discuss with you in private.” Nihlus headed towards the door, but looked back briefly. There was nothing casual in that gaze – he was raring to go, and not to shoot something. “See you later, Shepard.”

And then he was gone, leaving Alistair alone with his traitor hormones and a head full of nonsense. The human groaned and shook his head hard to get some rather inappropriate thoughts out of his head. He had to focus on the mission.

That... was going to be hard.

---

“Stripes spoke to you down below?”

“His name is Nihlus, Bo.”

“Stripes, Nihlus, same thing.”

The soft clicking of armor being put into place created a steady rhythm in the small room. Bo and Alistair were old hands at this, and it was all muscle memory. That left their mouths free for talking as they strapped into their gear.

The large marine checked her shotgun before putting it on her back. “He's into you.”

“No, you think?” Alistair's voice was dry as he adjusted his leg armor, tightening it by a fraction of an inch. “He was practically screaming he wanted to do it right there.”

“Thank the gods for a turian's sense of duty then.” The sarcasm dripped from Bo's voice as she pulled on her gauntlets and flexed her large fists. They had just upgraded the shields on them – better for punching the shit out of people. “You two meeting up after we hit Prime?”

Most people wouldn't have gotten an answer to that, but Bo wasn't most people. Alistair trusted her with his life and then some. If anyone deserve to know, it was her. Besides, she probably had money riding on it, and if she was getting it from Joker he would be more than happy to help make the pilot a little poorer.

He liked the guy, but it was fun to make him lose.

“He said we'd talk. That can mean anything to a turian.” He slipped his Striker pistol into its holster after checking to make sure the heat gauge was working. With all his modifications, sometimes it could act a little funny. “You think this counts as foreplay?”

Bo snorted as she stood up, towering over her partner. “To a turian? It's practically a proposal. Should I start planning the wedding?”

“You're an ass and I hate you.” Alistair's cheeks burned as he checked his omni-tool: 10 minutes til the drop. “Come on, we need to go get Kaidan and Jenkins so we can go.”

Nihlus had probably already left, off to go do Spectre things. Still, Alistair was glad for that as they headed towards where the rest of their team was waiting in the airlock. A familiar tension settled into his skin as they walked. It was almost time.

Still, he wasn't too worried. After all, it was just a routine mission to check out a Prothean artifact. How difficult could it be?

#writober2019 #ramblinganthropologist's writing #Alistair Shepard #nihlus kryik #I kinda ship it #too bad he died #Also Alistair likes many men not just turians

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vatrixsta · 5 years

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How Long Will I Love You (2/3)

First before I forget, tagging @the-corsair-and-her-quill because this is the long overdue second part of her Secret Santa fic! Also tagging @csmarchmadness because it is likely the ONLY reason a metaphorical gun was put to my head and this has been produced out of the darkness of my hectic schedule. Eagle eyed readers may notice that it now says 2/3 instead of 2/2 - that is because, while this ends where I always intended it to, I have realized, while going through the emotional journey of editing it, that while it DOES end the piece, it’s kind of open ended and I’m not going to do that to you. So I really hope you all (but especially @the-corsair-and-her-quill ) enjoy this and know that you will get the third part by my next March posting date! Because deadlines work for me.

Also on AO3

Killian was brooding on the couch, watching It’s a Wonderful Life.

“You hate Christmas movies,” Emma noted, plopping down next to him.

“It would appear I do,” he answered with false enthusiasm.

“So stop making yourself miserable,” she chastised, snatching the remote from him and flipping around until she settled on something she knew he’d like.

“What the bloody hell is this?” he asked.

“The Devil Wears Prada,” Emma answered. “It’s about flamboyantly dressed people living their truths under the oppression of a tyrannical corporate captain.”

He raised an eyebrow at her. “Are you comparing my Captain Hook to the actual devil?”

“Never,” she soothed, pressing a kiss to his jaw. He tensed under her touch, which made her tense and that place that had been aching beneath her ribs give a painful lurch. What was that thing? Right, her heart. It was two steps forward, one step back with him these days. “I’m going to wrap some stuff I got for Henry. You’re gonna love the movie, I promise.”

She ran to their bedroom like the house was on fire. She wanted to cry, like she was in one of those cheesy Christmas movies.

Later, he found her poking at one of Henry’s newly wrapped packages and wrapped himself around her, one of those full body hugs that made her feel warm and safe and cherished.

“You’re right,” he rasped against her ear. “The devil is quite a bit more my style.”

“Never question me,” she sassed with false confidence.

He squeezed her. “Never.” It sounded more like a vow than the words they’d exchanged at their impromptu wedding, with Henry their only witness. She reminded herself she’d promised to be patient.

It wasn’t a virtue she would ever be accused of possessing.

….

A few days later, Killian marched up to her with all the intent of a man determined to take his medicine and practically demanded, “Go out with me.”

Her eyes narrowed. “You’re gonna have to do better than that.”

He sighed and ran a nervous hand through his hair. “Swan, I’d like to take you out. On a date. A proper one.”

“Okay,” she said slowly. Truthfully, her heart was beating a little faster at the idea that her husband might actually want to court her again. That was how he’d referred to it the first time, because he should not be allowed but here they were.

“Henry’s at that boy Adam’s house tonight,” he continued, his tone at that boy indicating exactly how much Killian didn’t care for Adam’s attitude or influence on Henry. Emma didn’t exactly disagree, but she was so happy Henry had made a friend in a new city that she was making a lot of concessions. “Let me show you a good a time, Swan.”

She smiled, a gentle, soft thing. “Okay.”

….

He didn’t give her any hints about their evening, just that she should dress warmly, so Emma threw on her favorite pair of jeans, her favorite thick red sweater and one of Killian’s black leather jackets. He seemed pretty fond of that given the momentary heat she saw flare in his eyes and she scored one point for Emma Swan.

They started on a sort of Killian-created oyster crawl, sampling the best places near them and marking down their favorites for future reference. From there, they walked to the wharf and boarded a ferry for the South Shore where Killian had arranged for a table overlooking the water where they could sip cocktails and chat. He told her about his progress on the book - slow going, apparently, but he was ‘remembering’ how to write - which she thought was an odd way to put it, but she’d learned over the years that the writer’s brain was a strange and mysterious place and she tended to leave him be about it.

A local band was playing at a nearby place and Emma was only too happy to cuddle into Killian’s side as they strolled inside and found a cozy table in back. She rested her hand on his thigh and did an internal happy dance when he didn’t tense at all, instead pressing a lingering kiss to the side of her head. The music was decent, a folksy rock sound that suited their evening well. As they wound down, Emma found herself in that loose happy place where she could smell the salt air on Killian’s skin and was having vague fantasies of stripping him naked and having her way with him. It had been weeks and though she’d gone a lot longer without sex in the past, she hadn’t since the most illegally attractive man in the world had spun her world upside down.

The illegally attractive man apparently had other plans. There was a cart that he’d discovered served the best hot chocolate and clam chowder (thankfully in separate containers - some of the fusion foods had gotten a little out of control) and since it was freezing despite all the alcohol they had warming them from the inside, they huddled together on a bench while they shared both and chatted about Henry’s grades (which were better than average but not quite up to his usual standards).

By the time they arrived at the midnight showing of The Princess Bride, she started to get a little annoyed.

The evening was perfect - packed with both her favorite things and the things they enjoyed doing together. But it was like he was trying to keep them so active and busy that they’d pass out in a heap once they got home. Emma felt less like a wife and more like an errant toddler.

Her husband was trying to tire her out.

And damn him, it was working. She nodded off halfway through the movie and woke to Killian gently stroking her chin with his thumb. The cab ride back to the apartment was a combination of cozy and pissy. If he hadn’t been so off lately, Emma might not even have noticed what he was doing. Given the tactics he’d employed recently, she could come to no other conclusion.

Killian didn’t want to have sex with her. Whatever was going on with him was the reason they hadn’t had sex in weeks. Emma tried really, really hard not to assume he was cheating on her, but she had the gossipy words of past unhappy foster families ringing in her head - if he isn’t getting it at home, he’s getting it somewhere was a refrain she’d heard over and over again when the mother of the house worried over her husband’s odd behavior.

Still a little tipsy from the alcohol they’d indulged, Emma let Killian help her upstairs and into bed. When she tried to tug him in after her, he smiled and kissed her forehead - such a platonic gesture. Had he even kissed her, really kissed her, in weeks? Emma was shuffling through her fuzzy memories. It wasn’t like she kept a mental tally of how often she and Killian locked lips, but maybe she should start because she honestly couldn’t remember a single time he’d kissed her since they’d gotten to Boston.

“I’ll turn in soon, luv,” he murmured. “Gonna get a little work done first. Sleep sweet, darling.”

Emma stared at the ceiling for twenty minutes before she couldn’t take it another second, suddenly feeling horribly sober.

The walk to Killian’s office seemed to take forever, partly because she wasn’t really sober and partly because she was afraid of what she’d find. Would he be texting someone? God, maybe Skyping with some woman? Was that an image Emma wanted in her head? It definitely wasn’t but the not knowing was driving her crazy.

It was almost a shock, how banal the scene that greeted her was. His laptop shut tight, phone nowhere in sight, Killian was staring out the window, brooding was the only word Emma could think of to describe it. A glass of amber liquid was clutched in his right hand and she assumed it was rum, given the open bottle on his desk. Killian was no stranger to his favorite drink, but she was surprised he’d indulge after how much they’d had to drink earlier.

Though, she realized, thumbing through the drinking part of their evening, Killian had ordered a single beer with her and then switched to club soda. Emma had to hold in a bark of hysterical laughter. He’d been getting her drunk so he wouldn’t have to take advantage of her.

She wanted to confront him, though she wasn’t even positive what she would say. She wanted to shake him until he told her what was going on. She wanted to demand he leave if he wanted to leave.

She wanted him to tell her she was being ridiculous and he was just … oh she didn’t know, at this point if he said he had a rare disease he was struggling with she would almost be relieved, but the immediate thought that followed, the idea that Killian wouldn’t exist anymore, that he might die, took all the air from her body and she promised any deity listening that she would let him go without hesitation if it meant he was alive.

No, Emma was definitely still too drunk for the conversation they were going to have. And she was going to have to do something about her armor - she wasn’t wearing it, hadn’t worn it around Killian in so long, she almost didn’t know how to put it back on. But she would have to if she was to survive this.

…

“Can I stay over at Adam’s again?” Henry asked.

“Flerf?” Emma was still nursing hangover black coffee and wishing the sun would dial it down a notch, but she was positive Henry wasn’t asking for another sleepover when he’d barely been home for ten minutes.

“I believe your mother meant to say ‘no,’” Killian cheerfully translated, depositing a heaping plate of greasy bacon, eggs and carefully cut up fruit in front of her and a smaller plate with a lot more fruit to bacon ratio in front of Henry.

Cue Henry’s getting-less-adorable-by-the-day ten year old eye roll. “Come on, we’re in the middle of an important campaign, everything is riding on it--”

“It’s a video game, lad, not a military offensive,” Killian chided.

“We’ve got teammates depending on us,” Henry insisted.

“So you can play from your bedroom,” Emma said. “That’s how this all works, right? Everyone’s playing from different locations?”

Henry looked so bitter she’d actually been paying attention to how his games worked.

“It’s family night, kid,” she added. “You know how I feel about family night.”

It was a low blow, but Henry instantly looked guilty. He knew exactly how much she’d wanted a family her whole life and she’d made a point, no matter how much she was working, to taking one night a week for them to spend time together. Killian had been inducted into their lives on a family night officially and they’d rarely missed one in Henry’s entire life. She knew one day he’d be an actual teenager and way too cool for board games with his parents, but she wanted this for him and, selfishly, she wanted it for herself as long as she could get it.

“Fine,” he conceded. “I’ll tell Adam I can’t make it.”

“You can still dial in,” Killian reminded him, completely butchering the tech speak he had no interest in retaining.

“Nah, they can do one campaign without me,” Henry said. “Besides, if they fail without me, I’ll get team leader for sure.”

“That’s my devious little man,” Emma praised, pinching his cheeks as Killian ruffled his hair, being with pride at the boy’s cunning.

Henry squirmed until he was able to disentangle both of them and started shoveling his breakfast down. Killian took his seat beside her, lifting her hand to his mouth to press a brief kiss to her knuckles before tucking into his own plate. It was a simple gesture, one he did almost habitually, but it reignited the roiling in Emma’s gut.

“I’ll be right back,” she muttered, escaping to the bathroom to throw up. She was rarely this badly hungover after a few drinks and she blamed the emotional stress on how bad she felt.

A gentle knock at the door interrupted her sullen thoughts and Killian peeked his head inside. “All right, luv?”

“I’m dying,” she muttered, a touch dramatically.

“I certainly hope not,” he said lightly, dropping to his knees beside her and holding her hair back in case she got sick again. “What would we do without you?”

YOU’RE SO FUCKING CONFUSING, she wanted to scream at him. But her head hurt too much and her armor was the opposite of fortified so - repression and denial it was.

Emma rested her head against his shoulder and let her husband comfort her.

…..

Family night was a huge hit - Kilian wasn’t pulling away when it was the three of them, gleefully taking all of Henry’s money in a game of Monopoly then dutifully picking a movie Henry loved (Star Wars) as was his right as victor. They ate popcorn and Killian didn’t even fuss too much at the Nestle Crunch mixed into the bowl. With Henry snuggled between them (God she didn’t want to think about him being older and unwilling to snuggle with them) it was a perfect night.

Then the movie ended and Henry went to bed, though not before letting out a gleeful YES! that indicated his friends had not been victorious in their campaign and he would ascend to the role of team leader.

Killian was changing into his pajamas and hiding an exaggerated yawn behind his prosthetic. Subtle, Jones, real subtle.

Emma, very tired of this game he was playing, stared him down as she started stripping off her clothes. Sure enough once he realized she wasn’t being remotely modest, he jerked around so quickly she thought he was going to strain something. She kept glaring at his back until she was down to her underwear. He was pretending to look for something on his nightstand. She moved into his peripheral vision with purpose and, assuming she had finished dressing, he glanced up to look at her and his mouth dropped open slowly as he realized she was nearly naked.

“It’s, ah…” He licked his lips, slowly, and she was somewhat gratified to know that at least her naked breasts still had some effect on him. “Cold. It’s cold tonight, isn’t it?” he asked like he almost wasn’t sure.

Emma pulled back the covers on her side of the bed then did a very bad job of covering herself with them. “Then you should come to bed and keep me warm,” she said in the best come hither voice she had.

And even though she almost expected the rejection, his hesitation still stung. The weird thing about it? He wanted to. Emma might be insecure and a little crazy when it came to her abandonment issues, but she knew when a man wanted her and Killian definitely did. He was almost swaying toward the bed, as if in a trance. Boobs did that to men, but she was pretty sure it was more than a heterosexual man’s biological reaction. Killian wanted her but for reasons only he knew was determined to deny it.

Emma felt suddenly and absurdly ashamed of herself - she didn’t need to throw herself at a man who wasn’t interested and she definitely didn’t want some kind of pity fuck to manifest out of this desperation she was displaying. Gripping the covers tightly in her fist, she turned her back on Killian and made sure she was completely covered. She could feel his indecision, could feel him staring at the back of her head, but she was done trying to initiate things. She’d promised him patience, but since she was out of that, he could live with petulance instead.

The mattress dipped on his side as he cautiously got into bed. He reached a tentative hand out toward her arm and she jerked away from him. She spun to face him and his eyes were so comically wide that she might have laughed if she wasn’t so hurt and angry.

Mostly angry.

“Don’t pretend,” she snapped. “Just go sleep in your office; we both know that’s what you’re going to do as soon as you’re sure I’m asleep anyway.”

She hadn’t been sure of that, actually, but the flare of guilt in his eyes was as good as a signed confession.

“You obviously don’t want to sleep with your wife, so don’t.” She turned away from him again, bundling herself in her blanket and her misery.

“I just don’t want to hurt you,” he whispered after nearly a full minute of silence. “I’d rather lose another limb than hurt you.”

“You are hurting me.” Emma was angry at the tears that were falling because they felt manipulative somehow, but the idea that Killian might not want her anymore ripped open every scabbed over wound she had. “You’re hurting me every second you don’t want to be with me. Killian, seriously, I don’t…” Even though it felt ridiculous, she wriggled around until she faced him again, without relinquishing her blanket burrito; she really, really didn’t want to have this conversation topless. “I don’t want your pity or your guilt. I don’t want you to stay because you feel trapped. You can…. We can figure out how you could still be part of Henry’s life, if that’s what’s holding you here. But you don’t want me anymore. You’ve made it pretty obvious and I’ve been in too much denial to see it. Do you know how pathetic it is, to realize that your husband has lost all interest in you, but he feels too bad for you being a fucking foster kid to leave?”

“Lost interest,” he muttered, as if it were the most hysterical thing she’d ever said. “Bloody hell, do you have any idea how impossible it is to lie next to you, night after night, willing and wanting and not simply ravish you?”

“Oh, fuck off,” she whisper-yelled, flinging the blanket aside, her unbound breasts be damned. She stomped over to the dresser and pulled on the first t-shirt she found, then spun around with her arms crossed, ready to really fight. As much as they could, given Henry was down the hall. “I am so sick of your mixed messages and pleas for time. You feel like a fraud? Well, stop acting like one! Decide what you want and live with it.”

“It’s not that bloody easy,” he hissed, rising from the bed to regard her from across the room. “I can’t just think about what I want. I have to think about what’s best for you, for Henry. It’s not fair to expect…” He clamped his jaw shut tightly. “Nothing I say will bloody matter,” he muttered, more to himself than her. “I can scarcely reconcile all the thoughts raging through my own mind. How could I possibly expect you to contend with it? I’m not the man you think I am and… I’m hurting you. Something I swore I would never do, not intentionally. Perhaps… perhaps I should leave.”

Even though Emma had basically challenged him to do just that, everything inside of her froze at the idea of it. “So that’s it. You’re leaving me.” She felt like she was three again, or seven or twelve or fifteen or seventeen - unwanted, unloved, undeserving of the family she’d craved and fought for.

“No!” His hoarse denial snapped her out the cold dread seeping into her limbs. He moved closer to her, the way you might approach a feral cat, his hand and prosthetic outstretched. “Not leaving you. I would never… Emma, I would do anything to stay with you. But I don’t want to keep hurting you while I figure out how to do the honorable thing.”

His eyes were begging her for understanding, but Emma was done coddling whatever delusion was chasing around his head. She knew Killian had demons, the same as she did, and if his were trying to destroy everything they’d built together… well she could put on her big girl panties.

Emma slapped his shoulder. “That’s for thinking it wouldn’t hurt me more than anything if you left.”

“Emma--”

She slapped his other shoulder. “That’s for thinking you had to do anything to stay with me but stay.”

“Swan--”

She shoved his chest, hard, with both hands, satisfied when he stumbled back a few steps. “And that’s for thinking I want you to do the honorable thing if your crazy, fucked up line of thought has led you to consider for a second that it’s somehow not right or fair for us to be together.”

“I don’t know what to do,” he seethed back at her. “You don’t really know me! I’m not the man you married anymore!”

Emma tried very, very hard not to diminish what was obviously a very real torment weighing on him by calling bullshit at the mere idea. So she took a deep breath and asked in a very calm voice, “Do you love me?”

“Emma,” he sighed.

“No, you don’t get to act like I’m ridiculous for asking. You’re the idiot here, so you get to answer any question I have. Do you love me?”

“More than anything,” he said in that low voice that made her toes curl. Point to Killian for style.

“Do you… do you want to be with me?” she asked, faltering only slightly in her confidence.

He sighed fondly. “More than anything,” he replied, his tone gentling.

“Okay,” she said softly. “Then let me see if you’re the man I married. Let me decide that, okay?”

Slowly, almost with fear, he nodded his head.

“Good,” she whispered. She cleared her throat, trying to organize her thoughts. She wasn’t the one who was good at romantic declarations, but for him, she was going to try her damnedest. “It wasn’t love at first sight between you and me. I was prickly and guarded and you actually liked that about me. You’ve been hurt deeply before, lost more than I ever had in the first place, but we understand each other; you and me, it wasn’t love, but we understood each other at first sight and I think that probably scared me most of all. You saw me and I saw you and for better or for worse I don’t think there was a point either of us could have turned back.”

“Swan,” he choked, his eyes filling with tears. But she wasn’t done yet, not by a long shot.

“I don’t know you? You love with your whole body, so deeply that loss is like a knife to you. You’d cut off your other hand before you’d lose someone you love again. I don’t know you? You’re capable of things that make you ashamed, things you did after you lost your brother, after you lost your first love. You drowned for awhile, until you found a better way to channel all that loss and rage and then you met me. You loved me and I don’t know if I could have let anyone but you love me like this, because I don’t know if anyone else would have loved me enough to break down those walls. But you did. You always have. So you can tell me you don’t want me and you can leave if you think you’ve made a mistake being with us, but you do not get to tell me I don’t know who you are. You’re not a coward so don’t act like one.”

Killian stared at her with a strange kind of longing, almost salvation in his eyes.

“As usual, Swan… you’re damned right,” he muttered and then his hand was in her hair and his mouth was pressing against hers with all the urgency and passion she’d been missing for weeks only it was somehow more, something that left her more breathless, more wanting, more relieved than she could possibly have imagined.

He walked her back until she bumped into the dresser, then he lifted her up to sit on top of it so they were at the same level. She wrapped her legs around his hips and urged him closer, one of her hands in his hair while the other slid under the warm henley he wore to caress his back. He gentled his kiss after a moment, leaning away from her long enough to look her in the eye.

“Hi,” she said, because the way he was looking at her was somehow more than the way he’d always looked at her and that was really saying something.

“I just want to remember this,” he said quietly, thumbing at the dimple in her chin. He leaned forward and kissed her again, slow and soft, and Emma felt her whole body melt into his.

Then his hand was under her bottom and she was off her feet again, spun around until her back hit the mattress and Killian followed her down without pulling away.

His mouth blazed a trail over the bridge of her nose, her jaw, the spot behind her ear that made her moan. It was like he was remembering and learning all the places she liked him best and Emma was absolutely not complaining. It was a little bit like he had been right - she hadn’t known him, or perhaps hadn’t known the full depth of him, because this felt somehow… more than it ever had before and there was a damned good reason she’d missed their sex life - it had been pretty incredible.

But this… hell, they hadn’t even taken their clothes off and she was ready to crawl out of her skin.

“I want to see you,” Killian muttered against her mouth, then he pulled her up on the bed so they were facing each other on their knees. He watched her eyes as he found the hem of her t-shirt and slowly dragged it up her torso, only breaking eye contact to lean down and press fervent, wet kisses to her ribs as they were revealed. Emma lifted her arms above her head and helped him pull the shirt the rest of the way off, then groaned because Killian had found her breasts and they were definitely going to be best friends from here on out.

He palmed her and kissed her and bit at her in all the right ways and she was right about this being more somehow, because she was about to come simply from the way he was worshipping her chest.

But she didn’t want to, not yet. Her hands found the hem of his Henley and she repeated his actions, pressing her mouth over his abdomen and trailing up his chest as he helped her remove the shirt completely. Her hand trailed down to the prosthetic he never wore to bed and he tensed.

She raised an eyebrow. “I want to see you,” she parrotted huskily.

He let her remove the prosthetic and set it gently on his nightstand. She cradled his left arm between her breasts and leaned in to kiss him again, those slow, soft kisses that were mending all the bruises around her heart; soon, they’d barely ache at all.

Killian’s hand began to wander again, reacquainting itself with the bare skin of her back, teasing at the band of her underwear by dipping beneath it then giving it a single, sharp snap that had her pushing her hips against his. He lowered her back to the bed and they both tugged at her underwear until she was able to kick it away. Killian pressed his mouth over her abdomen, his touch reverent as he moved over all the places she used to feel uncomfortable about - the stretch marks Henry left her with, the appendix scar that kept her from wearing bikinis for years. They were just another part of her as far as Killian was concerned.

He inhaled deeply when he reached the spot between her legs and before she could tell him she was too wound up, that she just wanted him, he was already diving in, his lips and tongue discovering and rediscovering and holy Jesus Christ how was he actually better at this than he’d been before?

Emma buried one hand in his hair and used the other to quiet the cries she wanted to let loose, biting into her palm to keep herself quiet. Poor Henry - they couldn’t traumatize him.

It was almost embarrassing how fast she came, quiet mewls smothered by her hand until Killian was suddenly there, replacing her hand with his mouth and she could taste herself on him and it was so, so hot and she was satisfied and unsatisfied at the same time and she had to get his fucking pajama pants off right now.

He reached between them for a moment to guide himself and then he was there, he was inside, and Emma gasped something between a laugh and a sob at how absurdly, ridiculously relieved she was to have him there. He smiled against her mouth, an agreement of sorts, and then his hips moved against her, both of them finding a rhythm that worked so, so well and she wanted to keep kissing him but she also wanted to suck at his neck so she did that while he kissed her shoulder and she dragged her foot up his hip until her heel was smacking against his lower back with every thrust and fuck she was gonna come again--

This time his mouth was firmly on hers to muffle her cries or maybe hers were muffling his, she wasn’t really sure because this was really, definitely the best sex they had ever, ever had and if he ever tried to withhold it from her again for some dumbass reason he made up in his head she was going to hurt him. Or maybe just tie him to the bed until he submitted. Yeah. That seemed like a more reasonable plan.

She felt like she was drifting for a moment, but came back to herself as Killian pressed fervent, arduous kisses to every inch of bare skin he could reach without disentangling their bodies. “I love you,” he muttered between kisses, so much and so often she thought that he was trying to make up for the last few weeks, when he hadn’t said it at all.

“I love you,” she whispered against the adorable curve of his ear. “Whatever’s going on in that gorgeous head of yours--”

“Is done,” he promised, lifting his head to look her in the eyes. “I’ll not leave your side unless you order me away, Emma.”

“Yeah, that’s not gonna happen,” she assured him. “Who else am I gonna find to fuck me like that?”

“Such a filthy mouth,” he chastised a second before he kissed her again.

….

Things were good. Like, really good. Like, better than even her best memory. It was like something clicked for them and the whole world realigned itself to a new world order. Killian was back to being her attentive, outrageously flirtatious husband, except he was also softer than she remembered him being, more vulnerable. It’s like he was determined to lay himself bare for her, almost daring her to find him wanting.

As if. Emma felt a little bit like she’d won the lottery or like she was in the middle of the best dream ever, the kind you never wanted to wake up from because nothing in reality could possibly feel this good.

Henry and Killian had long gotten back on the even keel they’d had before - except their relationship, too, seemed just a little bit more than Emma remembered, Killian more attuned to Henry’s moods, more eager to make sure he was safe - sometimes to the annoyance of the boy himself. The way he watched over her (their, really) little boy made Emma love him even more.

They were stretched out on the couch, legs tangled as they both worked on their laptops at opposite ends. Emma’s ringtone for Henry startled them both, lulled by the quiet clacking of their keyboards.

Her little boy’s voice was tiny and heartbroken as she leaned her head next to Killian’s so they could both hear.

“Can you guys come get me?”

He was at the police station. Emma had made fast friends with the cops who worked the evening shift, having brought in enough skips to them in the short few months they’d been in Boston to endear herself to the lot of them. Popping for a giant box of donuts a few times didn’t hurt. So Officer Miles made sure the boys were kept in an unused office rather than anywhere too scary.

Henry looked defiant and ashamed at the same time. Emma took care of the paperwork - thanking Officer Miles profusely for keeping this off their permanent record - and frowned when Adam’s parents showed up, smacking the boy on the back of his head and calling him an idiot, a juvenile delinquent. They didn’t even ask what had happened. Emma watched Killian cup the back of Henry’s head protectively, as if the punishment being doled out to his partner in crime could somehow be contagious.

“I imagine they were just being young boys,” Killian said when Adam’s parents paused long enough to let someone else get a word in. “I’m sure they won’t do anything like this again.”

Killian didn’t know what they’d done either. But he knew Henry, knew him like Emma did and despite everything, Henry had called them. The boys didn’t have identification and probably could have caused the police no end of frustration by refusing to identify themselves, but Henry had called them within five minutes of arriving at the station.

It turned out Adam had the idea to break into the aquarium and take selfies in front of the sharks. Killian reminded Henry that no successful crime hinged on taking incriminating photographs and Henry seemed to sigh in disappointment at his own foolishness. Emma broke the news that trips to the police station meant he was grounded for a month, no video games and no Adam. Henry protested the last, explaining that he was Adam’s only real friend and he couldn’t just abandon him.

Emma and Killian exchanged a look, having seen the sort of treatment Adam got from his parents. They conceded that Henry and Adam could see one another to study -- only to study -- provided Adam got permission from his parents to do so at their apartment.

To no one’s surprise, Adam’s parents agreed easily and Adam spent most of the next week practically sleeping over at the apartment. He took meals with the family, finished his homework promptly and delighted in the astronomy lessons Killian gave both boys. Emma felt proud of Henry, because the boy they’d considered a bad influence (which… well, he was) had actually been someone in need of a hero.

Adam was returned to his own home for Christmas Eve with promises to have him over for Boxing Day, a holiday Killian assured him was actually a much better meal than the one served at Christmas. Henry’s grounding was officially lifted for the holiday and they exchanged presents - besides the usual socks and sweaters and video games, Emma and Henry got Killian a keyboard that would attach to his laptop that was supposed to be easier to use with one hand. Emma knew his prosthetic grew painful after extended wear and Killian liked to write later into the night than was entirely comfortable. Henry unwrapped the new gaming console he’d spent weeks hinting at and Emma got two gifts from her boys: the first, a cheesy ornament for the tree that said “First Christmas in Boston” with a spot for a photograph they’d snapped on one of their family nights, the three of them sporting equally cheesy grins over a failed game of Twister. The second was a ring on a chain.

“It belonged to the best man I know - my brother, Liam,” Killian said softly. “I’ve always thought it brought me luck, protected me, and there’s no one I’d rather it keep from harm.” He draped the chain over her neck and Emma settled it against her sweater.

“Merry Christmas,” Emma whispered as Henry, tired of the mushy stuff, eagerly went to hook up his new console.

“Happy Christmas, luv,” Killian whispered back.

....

Life went on from there. Their first few weeks in Boston faded into the tapestry of the rest of their lives together - Emma remembered it, when she rarely thought of it, as Killian’s weird self esteem mysterious freak out.

Henry graduated fifth grade and they flew to Florida to celebrate his eleventh birthday at Disney World. Adam came with them and the two boys kept each other busy and tired enough that Emma and Killian managed a few quiet moments amidst the wonderful chaos.

Killian finished his book (hence the splurgey birthday trip to Disney World) and his publishers flipped over how much they loved it. They said the realism he’d given his fanciful characters outdid anything he’d produced before and they were going to give the book a big holiday push.

Emma managed to avoid injury during every skip she chased. She pretended it was just a matter of time, but she secretly believed what Killian did - that Liam’s ring was keeping her safe.

Once Henry started sixth grade, Emma felt settled in a way she couldn’t explain. She and Killian were curled together in bed, her favorite pillow breathing deeply under her cheek. His fingers were trailing up and down her spine and if she hadn’t been so recently satiated she probably would have crawled on top of him.

“Do you, um… do you ever think about what it would be like if we had another kid?” she asked.

His fingers paused their idle stroking briefly before resuming. “I thought that’s what we were calling Adam?”

“Har har,” she muttered, poking him in the ribs. Then she went back to running her fingers through his chest hair, tracing random patterns so she could ignore how genuinely worried she was for his response. “I mean, a kid that looked a little like me and a little like you.”

“I’ve often thought of giving Henry a little brother or a little sister,” he confided. “If there was ever a boy born to be someone’s big brother, it’s our Henry.”

Emma felt this strange sense of calmness settle within her. “So… I guess I could stop taking my pill.”

“I guess you could,” Killian agreed softly.

The next day, she dumped her pills in the garbage.

….

The day after that, as Killian was making breakfast and Henry was watering their plants, Emma answered a knock at the door.

“Hi.” A petite woman with curly blonde hair pulled into a messy bun stood on the other side. “I know this is going to sound really, really crazy and you have no idea who I am, but um… something’s happened. Your family needs you.”

Emma narrowed her eyes. “My family is right here.”

“I don’t just mean Henry. I mean… your parents.”

“Okay, we’re done.” Emma went to slam the door in the woman’s face, but before she could connect, Killian’s hand covered the side of the door, pulling it back.

“Tink,” he breathed.

The other woman’s eyes widened. “Hook. You… you know me?”

It was then that Emma saw that look in his eyes, the one she hadn’t seen since they’d first come to Boston. The guilt. The shame. As if he’d stolen something that didn’t belong to him.

“Aye, luv,” he said as if every word was painful. “You’d best come inside.” He looked at Emma then, some endlessly sad apology in his eyes. “We’ve much to discuss.”

#cs ff #my fic #csmarchmadness #captain swan #how long will i love you

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tumblunni · 5 years

Text

Ehh i think i finally summed up why all of this steven universe diamonds stuff has been so underwhelming.

YES you can redeem a villain

but you have to

actually

TRY

Yes you can write a story about the world’s most fuckin horrible person being really actually sad at heart

Yes you can write a story about an abusive parent actually being able to change

Yes you can write a story about some wild genocidal alien civilization of asshole space rocks actually only doing it because something something societal pressure DESPITE BEING THE ONES IN CHARGE WHO SET THE DAMN RULES I GUESS

But fucking hell its not gonna be EASY and you shouldn’t treat it that way.

All of this shit was SO fucking quick?? And everything else WASNT!

You spent SO long hyping up these guys you spent SO long convincing us that they WERE evil and that they had entirey different motives for what they were doing and EVEN WITHIN THIS FUCKING EPISODE you spent more time showing us White Diamond being absolutely ridiculously existentially horrifyingly awful and refusing every offer everyone gave her to help and refusing every chance and fucking fucking goddamn violating people’s entire minds and just.. fuck.

After all that you cant just fuckin have steven walk up to blue and yellow and say “hey everything you did was bad” and them go “GEE WE NEVER KNEW!” for some reason this time they’re convinced in a single sentence despite it being the same sentence steven said before in every damn episode and pink said to them years before and every person they abused and enslaved and mutilated and KILLED said while they were DYING

And you can’t fucking have white diamond never redeem herself and never change and never admit she’s wrong and steven SOLVE IT WITH FUCKING FIGHTING WHILE SAYING HE DOESNT WANT TO, WHILE THE ENTIRE SHOW TRIES TO CLAIM THE REASON THEY ARE DOING IT THIS WAY IS BECAUSE OF PACIFISM

because seriously he?? just defeated her?? and this made her?? change???

redeeming a villain shouldn’t be easy. redeeming a villain has to have the villain TRY. white diamond has done nothing to prove she really has a heart, prove that she really did all this for sympathetic reasons, prove that she’s able to change, AND ESPECIALLY NOTHING TO MAKE IT UP TO ANY OF THE PEOPLE SHE’S HURT

she just got defeated and basically admitted she’s wrong cos she has no other choice. and i guess her blushing because steven issued a SICK BURN to her is meant to be enough proof that her entire motivation so far has been because of self confidence issues forcing her to put up a false front aka her entire personality we saw so far. If you wanna tell me she’s entirely different to what we saw so far then please could you please give it more screentime than twelve goddamn seconds.

This is like how yellow and blue just suddenly were accepted as part of the family and steven agreed to go with them to homeworld literally just because they realized he “is really pink diamond”. Like they never fucking repented or actually learned to empathise with humans or ever explained why they dont empathise with humans no nope the only answer we got is that they were sad about their sister/daughter/friend dying even though they were already doing all the same evil stuff before that and its what caused her to leave in the first place. no we’re gonna just completely trust them instantly and not even continue making an effort to convince them? we’re gonna trust them so much we’re gonna trust that white diamond will also change just cos we beat her up? COS SERIOUSLY STEVEN FUCKIN DEFEATED BLUE AND YELLOW IN A FIGHT AND THATS THE END OF THEIR ARC, HOW IS THIS PROVING THE POWER OF PACIFISM!! beating everyone up and then saying the same singular sentence again and somehow now it works!! or saying “my mum was pink diamond” and it doesnt convince them but hey if we say it again with magical proof its true then i guess it works now. wow that sure does argue the power of words i guess

everything EVERYTHING they did was just a fuckin misunderstanding cos they dont UNDERSTAND they were doing bad and thus they dont have to face any form of consequences beyond being mildly embarassed i suppose.

if you wanna make that the ending then you need to work to disprove all the hours you spent implying that.. yknow.. they were doing things because they were evil

and even if theyre sympathetic they still did evil things and they still need to work to prove that theyve changed

and ESPECIALLY if you’re making a show very heavy on subjects like LGBT discrimination it shouldnt be FUCKIN WOW UNEXPECTED that the audience would see this plot as a metaphor for stuff like homophobia and abusive parents and.. yknow.. societal oppression in a law system that forces you to live in the closet in constant fear of being discovered and killed. and all the other apparantly accidental undertones of racism and extermination of indigenous people in stolen land which YOU REALLY SHOULD HAVE EXPECTED PEOPLE TO SEE WHEN THE PLOT IS LITERALLY EXTERMINATING PEOPLE TO STEAL THEIR LAND

all of that means you need to do MORE work to prove that that isnt actually what the plot is supposed to be, and more work to redeem villains who are very heavily goddamn triggering to a large part of the vunerable audience YOU SPECIFICALLY MARKETED YOURSELF TOWARDS

this was just so fucking overwhelming and somehow rushed despite being an hour long episode, and i hate it because the show spent so much effort on so much other stuff yet decided to half ass it at the really important part that NEEDED to have thought and time put into it if it was gonna nail the landing

especially after ALL THAT FUCKIN TIME AND EFFORT INTO THINGS THAT ONLY AMPED UP THE VILLAINY AND TENSION OF THESE GUYS AND MADE IT SO MUCH WORSE

like fucking hell how can you be so tone deaf??? this has been in the planning for so damn long and theyve been working on it forever and THIS is what they chose to rush over? this is the priorities they thought were important? even just within this episode if youre struggling to fit it all in then like seriously cut out some of the stuff like the montage of unseen fusion forms that did basiclaly nothing but a few jokes, and the equally as rushed bad lars and sadie romance resolution. Which is another thing that needed a lot of work to fix when the introduction we got to these two was a really unhealthy relationship and a dude who refuses to change despite being given twelve chances but suddenly changes COMPLETELY on the thirteenth one and i guess cos he died that proves he’s all good now. Except he acts all weird and creepy in the very next episode and endangers his new friends by acting all possessive over sadie again and getting angry that she has other friends????

i hate it because ive had to deal with the fandom telling all the people who were rightfully uncomfortable with how these subjects were handled that oh we’re just overreacting and oh wait and see cos they totally have a big plan for the ending or something that’ll make it all make sense. And comparing people being triggered by child abuse and racism to “huhu those dumb su criticals who hate the art style” or whatever...

god, man, its just a deflection of what the issue really is

“oh youre saying NO VILLAINS can EVER be redeemed and NOBODY can EVER talk about dark stuff in shows without being SECRETLY BAD AND SUPPORTING IT IN REAL LIFE?”

no im not saying that im just saying the subjects are fucking depressing to people who’ve suffered from the real life stuff and the villain redemption should be GOOD and should THINK ABOUT THOSE PEOPLE IN THE AUDIENCE if it wants to make up for it

like fucking hell look at how much zuko from avatar went through before his redemption. look at how long he struggled with his morality and how long it took him to realise he was wrong. look at how much detail they showed us on all the people who negatively influenced him into making the bad choices he did. look at how much he went through to make up for what he did and apologise to everyone he hurt. look at how everyone he hurt didnt believe him at first and it took a while for everything to work out. look at how sometimes he messed up and took steps backward before getting to where he needed to be. and look at how he actually changed as a person and continued learning and growing and trying to be a good person even far into the future after the story ended.

hell, fuckin look at PERIDOT! peridot had a full goddamn zuko arc! peridot had more screentime than all of the diamonds combined, and it was way better utilized! she had a full process from being introduced as a scary villain BECAUSE OF MISUNDERSTANDING WHO SHE REALLY WAS, then being revealed as having a fully rounded personality, flaws and redeemable traits while still being a villain. and moments of her proving that she did indeed only become a villain because she didnt understand what she was doing was wrong, and a personality that matched with that reveal rather than having NO INDICATION she was like that until it suddenly happened only after she was defeated. and her redemption came slowly through friendship with steven and it had moments of the other characters not instantly trusting her and also of her making mistakes and struggling with believing steven’s philosophy when it went against everything she knew about life. and speaking of which it was established that she had a very different life which had negative influences pushing these ideas upon her, and tough stuff that made her scared and pressured. Not just being in a high position of ruling over a planet in the lap of luxury and ONLY AFTER BEING DEFEATED do we learn that they feel pressured by the societal expectation to be perfect and they actually would have agreed all along with dismantling the system but they were just too afraid to be honest. Or whatever the fuck that rushed ending was trying to go for! And man even after peridot joins the team she’s NOT redeemed yet, she’s initially only halfway doubting herself and only teaming up with steven because they’re both afraid of the cluster. And she messes up and says horrible shit to her new friends and feels the consequences of her actions and chooses to change. And her ultimate choice to switch sides is REALLY hard, she gets so close to going back to the diamonds and its a great personal sacrifice on her part when she chooses to give it all up and make an enemy of the person she was so scared of!

and GAHHH that good redemption is one in a million episodes that really set up the diamonds Being Bad and should have been a goddamn tally in the “effort required in the fuckin ending” chart!

could we not have even just had one ten minute episode of blue and yellow going around earth and experiencing human life and realizing there’s things worth protecting? or a few damn scenes foreshadowing white being actually insecure and lying to protect herself, rather than GENUINELY ABUSIVE BECAUSE SHE’S BAD?

and seriously even if you hurt people because you hate yourself YOU STILL HURT THEM

a sympathetic backstory should be a reason why they COULD be redeemed, not proof that they already are redeemed just because the backstory was stated in words and nothing else has fuckin changed.

imagine if zuko just lost one fight to aang and said “yes but my dad abused me” and aang was like “oh no now lets team up with zuko to beat up his dad” and none of the bad things zuko did were ever mentioned again and also he keeps his season 1 personality throughout the entire series

imagine if peridot fuckin.. just changed sides cos she’s funny and we like her. people wantedher to change sides as soon as she acted funny and likeable but they still made the effort to actually prove she had changed! the diamonds didnt act remotely harmless or remotely good until they just suddenly are in the very last episode.

hoo

fucking

ray

also why are we constantly just ignoring all these dark things about homeworld? like the episode with holly blue agate and the famethyst slave caste and all the creepy ways the entire place operated. i totally thought thatd.. yknow.. EVER BE REFERENCED AGAIN?? its never even mentioned that anyone even WANTS to go back and save them?? and the human zoo were outright stated to be like.. unsaveable. “oh theyve never known real human life and theyre happy in their slavery so itd be cruel to take them away from it” One off episode, forgotten about. And the creepy as fuck scenes of gems being BUILT INTO THE WALLS AND DOORS AS SECURITY SYSTEMS and the confirmation that more lapis situations are constantly going on yet somehow that singing hairbrush person doesnt get all the sympathy that she did. And steven going daww at the pebbles instead of being horrified that theyre born to work as servants and forced to live in the walls because the noblewomen dont want to look at them? and he asks them to make him a new outfit?? and theres no plot anything involving them except them puttering around in the background outfitting?? like was none of this meant to be seen as PROOF THAT THE DIAMONDS WERE EVIL and PEOPLE WHO NEEDED TO BE SAVED????

goddddd

please say they were rushed or something please say this is all the faultof being given less time than they expected please say there were other plans for other episodes we didnt see that would have given at least slightly more substance to any of this

also why wasnt this even advertised as the last episode if its the last fuckin episode

hhhh well at least obsidian was a great character design and so were the other fusions and new outfits even if they only appeared for twelve seconds. and white’s whole scary evil mind invasion stuff was really good even if it actually hurt the episode by being good, kinda

man im not even mad or anything i just feel mehh and bored and like im actually glad its over. i never wanted to feel that way about a show that used to be so good. i kinda wish the earliest episodes werent so good if the answers to all those well set up mysteries were gonna have so much less effort than the setup itself

...man i should make a whole post about all the mistaken ways i THOUGHT the show was gonna go that actually would have been way more interesting than the real answer.

i’m just super glad that my last theory was wrong cos wow that would have been the only thing worse than this ending! when white pearl first appeared before we’d actually seen white diamond, and it had all this thing that white diamond hadnt been seen in ages.. well i was worried it was setting up some sort of reverse twist where actually white pearl is bodysnatching white diamond instead of vice versa. So the whole evil empire would actually be run by a member of the slave class that its oppressing, and the diamonds/representative of the upper class would actually be poor victims all along. dear god i am so glad i got that wrong! tho im weirded out by how evil white/pink pearl looked in that first hint that she was originally pink pearl??

anyway basicallly im just so fuckin tired

#su spoilers #su critical #more like su dissappointed from someone who started off so damn su positive #su bored su rushed su i just wanted you to care as much about making this redemption good as you cared about other things #it really felt like in general the crewniverse just lost interest in the story around the third hiatus or so #whyyyy did they take so long to reveal anything if all the reveals were gonna be so fast and so bad #you gotta learn that if you hype up a thing you actually have to deliver #like fuckin hell it took a whole season to even introduce a single other gem at all #and so long to introduce homeworld and so long to introduce the diamonds and then whoops blink and its over i guess #also why was jasper hyped up so much and then shitcanned for practically a decade #and her only narrative purpose in the end was just a brief hint at the pink diamond arc

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applekitty · 5 years

Note

ive noticed that a LOT of fanfics that try to redeem dedede really dont try. like its not like the author is lazy but the way its executed is

i have never read a fic wherein dedede is given a satisfactory redemption arc, he’s usually just nice from the beginning and very flat with the same personality every other ‘game’ dedede has, basically just ‘i am loud, i’m not mean or cruel im just loud and also im very sassy and a dad dont mess with me im epic’ which seems at first like it might substitute for his evil nature but it doesn’t

or he’s just really outrageously stupid, which is more anime dedede.

i do agree with you, though i think dedede in and of himself is a hard character to do perfectly ‘correctly’. because when it comes to game canon, there is no correct way to write him. because dedede has no personality. he has hints of personality. which is not replacement for a personality. you are left entirely to your own devices when it comes to dedede’s flaws and his entire mindset in general, because canon supports absolutely everything you could ever put onto his canvas. i could say dedede is a hostile matriarch with no care for anyone other than himself and his kingdom and it’d be supported, because the only times dedede has been forced to act out of good is to defend his planet from something (potentially, in magolor’s case) hostile. or i could say he’s just a cozy uwu dad who’s done some wrong but he’s fluffy and cute nao and canon would sort of shakingly support that.

i went out a LOT about this on the hnk discord server. i’ll leave the entire transcript below but it’s about how people write game canon / why i don’t read game canon fics / the intrinsic, EXTREME difficulty with writing game canon fics. had this convo with @sociallyunacceptableorb , @toon-kirby , and azuranaito

i’ll tl;dr it here but: the reason why game fics seem a little strange while going in is because the games themselves lack a solid personality for the characters. fanon personality exists for them, and usually when writers write for them, they step in such a way which may not align with you, the viewer’s expectations of the fanon personality. it may seem inherently unsatisfying, to you, but for others, it’s very satisfying. the status of game canon and fandom canon makes it harder for you to be satisfied by the fanfics you read unless they are very surface level, boring sorts of fanfics.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:40 PM

kitty’s opinion time

most writers cannot go without incorporating the anime in some regard to kirby content due to how much the anime had bled into the interpretations of the games. people will write spanish meta knight as a game thing, people will write kirby being babyish / saying poyo being a game thing, as well as dedede being southern a game thingthe writers who decry the anime as bad / only good ‘at the time’ yet use anime personalities / interpretations make me lul extremely.(edited)

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:44 PM

Galaxia was from the anime.

Girlaxia was from 4Kids.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:45 PM

kirby saying ‘poyo’ is an anime thing, galaxia is an anime thing, to pick and choose from the anime shows that the games and their lack of writing cannot stand on its own without having to take from the very franchise that’s being decryed to help a worse written franchise

(edited)

no writing / intrigue writing ≠ good writing

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:47 PM

To be fair, it’s probably for the best that anime bleeds into the games or else we’d be stuck with oceans of edgelordery KIRBY IS EVUL AND EATS INNOCENT LIVES… though that’s already on AO3.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:47 PM

looks at matpat

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:48 PM

He ignores all canon to make people mad on purpose.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:48 PM

honestly if removing anime canon / anime’s bleed into the video game’s interpretation = writers to go 'KIRBY EVUL’ then idk what to say other than lul

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:49 PM

I mean, I don’t think the games writing is shit, but I also don’t trust edgy people with Void Termina.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:50 PM

i think saying 'game writing > anime writing’ is just blatantly.. wrongbecause that’s just saying 'little to no writing so that way you can focus on gameplay > a literal 22 episode made for television with themes and lessons’

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:51 PM

Oh! Yeah, that I agree on.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:51 PM

i also dont trust edgelords with kirby or void honestly

or any kirby characters

i dont trust edelords period

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:51 PM

I thought you were saying that all game lore was trash.

It’s crumbs.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:51 PM

i used to be one and i made EVERYTHING baaad

it’s comparing crumbs to a loaf of bread

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:52 PM

“Well, I hate pumpernickel! So the entire loaf is bad!”

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:52 PM

uerGHERUG

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:53 PM

“But you haven’t even eaten it.”“IT’S BAD.”…this metaphor is getting lost.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:53 PM

honestly it’s why i just.. dont read game fics, because there’s little to no ground for writers to stand on and write stuff with

things get too wild and they feel just.. weird ig

i dont know how to put it into words, really

AzuraLast Wednesday at 12:54 PM

That kinda makes me mad with what happened with one of my friends. People got onto her for crossing the anime and games together, which, when she wrote it, it wasn’t bad at all, but because the anime was involved people wanted to bitch at her for it.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:54 PM

interps of game canon are based purely off the person who writes it and all the people reading said thing all have different interpretations which inherently makes reading a game fic unsatisfying and ooc for you personally because your hc filled in the void the game left differently than the authors did. but for the writer it is ic.(edited)

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 12:55 PM

Like gijinka fic?

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:56 PM

reading mirror fics also, inherently, can be unsatsifying i think

for the same reasons

people have so many different interps of how mirror world works that reading anything about it, just on its core basis that the author uses to define a 'mirror world’ can feel unsatisfactory

gijinka as well suffers from this

AzuraLast Wednesday at 12:57 PM

My friend didn’t write gijinka. But she self projected quite a bit onto Meta; her HC for him was that he was an engineer trained under Haltmann.Which also ended up writing out the actual irl problems her major has which is an aerospace engineering.Hoo boy, with the Mirror World, there’s no clear line with it but the majority is usually edgy.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 12:58 PM

people have different interps, and because of how the western world works, we all think our interpretation is the best we can possibly have. usually when we read things we suspend our disbelief, and when it comes to kirby fics, game fics, gijinka fics, i don’t think people can really.. deeply get involved in them.it’s a problem fics i suppose in general have. but it’s especially bad for game canon writers, or gijinka writers.people have hugely different adaptations of the same subject. with the anime there’s clearly written rules and characters defined over the course of 100 episodes. there’s a clear cut story with lots of dialogue and content there to be tackled. but even still, it can be interpreted differently by different people because thats how life works. only the existence of a canon episode cannot be refuted; a fic can be

game canon is harder to do because yes you have the games, and a lot of them, but there is no writing. it is all gameplay. which means that personalities and dialogue and whatever else is not the focus. people can have extremely varying interpretations of canon because of this, which is what intrinsically makes game canon harder to write for. with anime canon it’s easier to write closer to canon because there is a clear cut one. but with game canon, there is no clear cut canon.

AzuraLast Wednesday at 1:02 PM

That’s also why so many people also freak out about all the supposed lore the games have, right?

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:02 PM

the lore in games is very open ended is the thing, so it leads to people’s speculation and very different extrapolations of the lore and canon, yes

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:03 PM

Yup! It adds to their own things; it’s satisfying less for the confirmation and more for the new content to tinker with.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:03 PM

kirby is very, VERY dry in terms of story telling in the games, so any piece of lore given is EXTREMELY important for content creators / theorists(edited)

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:04 PM

I can’t really fault people who build off lore since it’s such a personal thing. Other people get huffy and whine about them “not really appreciating the game” but I find it is appreciation, just in a different fashion. It goes downhill once people get childish and argumentative, though.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:05 PM

the thing is people can also do that ^ for the anime too

remember that one server you were talking about in #newbie-chat

lol

in the end we are the people going 'you are not appreciating the anime right and the way you write for the games is going to intrinsically be unsatisfying unless you go onto the crutch of anime lore'i do anime/game fusion because i know the games can’t stand on their own

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:08 PM

Aheh. But of course.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:08 PM

[snobbish laughter]

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:08 PM

I actually don’t for the same reason. It feels cheap, like I’m forcing a square peg into a round hole.The barebones of the games doesn’t mesh with the backstory of the games that well for me.

StarRodPiplupLast Wednesday at 1:09 PM

So, like, if I wrote a fic with a sentient Galaxia, and then threw the rest of anime canon in the trash, it wouldn’t be cool?

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:09 PM

it’d be relying on the anime canon in some regard, showing that the game canon can’t hold its own

StarRodPiplupLast Wednesday at 1:09 PM

Too many plot holes

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:10 PM

it would be a tad bit jarring, at least in my opinion because im the local brutal 4kids anime stan

but for other people it wouldnt be, i’m just a person with too much time to complain about kirby

StarRodPiplupLast Wednesday at 1:11 PM

I’ve been really curious if “a nightmare of a galactic crisis” was just a coincidence or a deliberate lore inspired word choice, hence why I’ve steered away from capitalist idiot nightmare….it’s fun to write him like that though.

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:11 PM

Also, if it’s a prequel… where the hell does Tiff go? The Cappies? Cappy Town? Dedede just abandons everybody for no reason and there’s a fountain powered by something that Kirby had to create by eating?

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:11 PM

schrodingers cappytown

AzuraLast Wednesday at 1:12 PM

I would like to know my own headcanons give my own appreciation to both the anime and the games. Games can’t stand alone with their bare bones and the anime can always be expanded upon. Nothing wrong with having fun while writing, that’s all it is, isn’t it?

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:13 PM

honestly i think the best way to write kirby stuff is anime/game fusions

i wonder if it’s because thats what i write HMMMMMMEIUGUIERGHERG

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:13 PM

I fuse. I go by manga lore.

Novel, whatever.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:13 PM

novel lore or bust

AzuraLast Wednesday at 1:14 PM

I fuse because it feels the most natural for me.

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:14 PM

Because the novels actually build on it! They don’t pop backstory in everywhere! It’s just a Kirby game with more explanations for stuff in it!

StarRodPiplupLast Wednesday at 1:14 PM

I just wanna write about an evil vampiric wizard for some reason

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:14 PM

the games do need something to help them, i believe. when it comes to content creation of the purely fic type, anywayscourtesycalling does great one-shot comics and what not, they do game lore to the t because their comics are.. well.. oneshots. they’re satisfying by themselves

anyways i’ve got a lot of feelings on people decrying the anime as bad or cool to hate then taking things from the anime and putting it into game lore. that’s mostly what this is about

AzuraLast Wednesday at 1:17 PM

It seems kind of hypocritical in a sense too, doesn’t it?“Oh, I hate the anime but love the games but I’ll piss on the anime as I write my fic because even though I love the games I need to strong bones of the anime to hold me up as I write my fic.”

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:18 PM

yeah that’s sorta what im on about here thank you for summarizing it for me

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:18 PM

Yep! I joke about it a lot myself.Especially people using 4kids voices when they say 4Kids is trash.

AzuraLast Wednesday at 1:18 PM

Same, all it seems to be is a freaking joke.

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:18 PM

Sorry for turning this into a Steven Universe-esque debate thread.

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:19 PM

i instigated it

Garlude Smoocher (Shirley)Last Wednesday at 1:19 PM

chingkittycatLast Wednesday at 1:19 PM

it’s an interesting thread anyways so

#they speak #Anonymous #i have never read anyone ever try to give anime dedede an actual redemption so im assuming this is about game dedede #analysis

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kendrixtermina · 5 years

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Thoughts and Feelings about“Change Your Mind”

I really wish I could rewatch this motherfucker somewhere but I have to sleep and go to work

Well on the one hand the main story lines are pretty much done for, on the other, the fallout alone could fill another season, and I’m actually glad that they’re not relegating that to the epilogue but actually going to show it

I assume season 5 will be Steven working with the Diamonds to improve homeworld, explaining things to Jasper, integrating the former corrupted gems on earth, finding out the deal with pink pearl, further developing Steven’s new fusions etc.

Other open questions involve gem origins and peridot’s renewable energy project, but I suppose that will come up as Steven tries to make the Empire less... imperialistic.

I understand why they wanted to air this in one piece, you couldn’t leave the younger viewers hanging with some of these creepytastic scenes and no resolution

There’s various concepts I feel reminded of.

There’s this idea of “tzimtsum” in kaballalistic thought, about how God created the world - In order to create a being apart from himself, he “hid” some aspects of the being, the ones that would seem - So every part of creation reflects one aspect of god, but none shows the complete pictures of it, and because everything has some aspects of god but not others, it is unique - so all humans are made in gods image, but still be different from each other.

Maybe Pink Diamond would be something like Lucifer in this analogy, part of the creation but as far from the god as you can get while still existing, and somehow their antithesis (stretching the analogy here, of course Judaism has no counterpart to Lucifer let alone the positive-ish early modernity interpretions of him - but of course, White Diamond isn’t exactly a benevolent God either. )

First of course Star Trek, like the ep where Captain Kirk is split into what at first seems like his good and evil half but is more like his animal instincts and higher reasoning, or in Voyager, when B’Elana Torres is split into her human and Klingon halves.

I guess Garnet wasn’t completely wrong in his being something in-between fusion and human reproduction, his gem half could be considered A Pink Diamond, but not the same one who created him - He must be fricking powerful to shrug off WD’s beams like that, like how Stevonnie still has “boosted” versions of Steven’s abilities despite Connie being human, Steven’s probably like Pink Diamond, but ‘boosted’.

Steven’s victory certainly showcases how it comes from both sides of his heritage. It involves making WD laugh/embarassed like what Pink used to do, but unlike her, he has the communication skills from Greg - I don’t think Pink ever talked to Blue in that way, she didn’t seem aware of what the other Diamonds were thinking at all, any more than she really understood Pearl’s lingering knot of complexes. It’s just not a skill she could have picked up before Greg - when? From whom?

His responsibility is all uniquely him and due to his upbringing with the CG’s and wanting to help him more, tho, both his parents where free spirit hippy bohemians, but it was Steven who decided “Nope, I WANT to fix it, because I can”, not because he owes it to anybody, even when no one could fault him for running.

Also, Frankenstein (the Novel not the film) - The original Victor was a sympathetic, even admirable character, but somehow he just couldn’t bring himself to have empathy with the monster, though Adam was in many ways alike to him and initially didn’t wish to be his enemy. Because while the gems relate to White Diamond as their goddess and the other Diamonds see her as their mother, she seems to regard them as extensions of herself. Maybe she would, as their creator. Gods are expected to smile benevolently upon their followers and solve their problems, Mothers, while they are flawed humans, are supposed to love their kids as they are and realize that they become their own persons, but artists frequently tear up their own work if they’re dissatisfied with it, because it’s supposed to be a reflection of their existence, so they might hate it for not reflecting them well enough -

i often regret tearing up half my teenage fanfics, but I’m able to view them different now that I’m - Back then, I felt like they reflectzed badly onto me - but if had kids and treated them like my fanfics or crumpled drawings, well, that would scar them for life.

You could certainly see this as a metaphor for narcissism, particularly in the way WD judged everything by how much it was like her, to the point that she would ‘overwrite`’ ppl’s personalities with her ideas of how it ought to be, while lacking a solid identity of her own apart from being “perfect/the best” by default, but that only goes so far because the gems literally are her creations who take their characteristics from various aspects of her being.

She’d have a completely different conceptual framework to anyone else, though she’s certainly not “above it” in any way.

I don’t think she was completely unaffected by Pink’s dissapearence either, if you want to complete the Stages of Grief analogy she would be Denial or Bargaining. Most likely, she was growing increasingly frustrated with her ability to make her empire “perfect” like she ought to and that’s why she started keeping to herself more and assuming that Pink couldn’t be dead.

She seemed like the knowing one when she was as much in denial as anyone else - you can tell they had a complicated relationship because of how White saw herself in her, that might be why she indulged and preferred her, but then again she didn’t always like what she saw and felt that Pink represented parts of her that she didn’t want to see.

It’s not without reason that Steven tells her to “get out of her own head” and try to see the world for what it is rather than her preconceived notions of what it is or means. You could perhaps relate that to

When she realizes that she’s actually dead - that’s when she has her breakdown.

You could even draw a parallel to “Romeo And Juliet”, where the older generation only realizes how much its ways were fucked up when it gets their beloved children killed for just trying to live happy lives.

Cal Gustav Jung would certainly remind us that what irritates us about others are often things that irritate us about ourselves, that we may be liable to “see the world as we are” and never is that more apparent than when we view everything through some skewed belief system, or when we hate - people hate people who blur boundaries because they don’t want to confront the ambiguity within themselves, or act as “superior” and merciless because they’ve rejected their own mortal fragile humanity.

Another observation is that when you set up anything as the “default” you create pressure not to deviate from the norm and prevent its members from experiencing their individuality. (see societal pressure on heterosexual men, or Euro-Americans saying they ‘have no culture to celebrate’ - maybe instead of becoming a devouring plague upon your fellow men, you could actually appreciate European culture? Like, read some books, eat some cheese, learn a language, listen to some classical music, vote for worker protection laws?)

It speaks for PD that she even tried to save other aliens at some point. steven stepped completely out of her shadow the moment he was able to feel sorry for her, like “Geez, she had to live like that? No wonder she turned out the way she did!” he pretty much calls the other Diamonds out at some point, like he gets a secure sense of the differences between them when he realizes how much better off he’s been in his own life. Like, UGH.

For my part, I don’t believe the “best of the worst” thing was true, and more of an “evil cannot comprehend good” moment from White, if not outright projection. (after all, White seems to view all other Gems as imperfect copies of herself) If anything, Pink seemed upset that she got stuck being the leader even as “Rose Quartz” (see the Beach scene in “Greg the babysitter”) - but of course Steven, not being Pink, wouldn’t know whether or not White is right.

Other Thoughts:

In the earlier scenes you could see a lot of parallels to less than ideal family situations, and how people might end up acting as proxies of the problematic person, almost sprouting their words, in the name of keeping the peace, and how people in such an environment may have no idea of how it’s not normal

You CAN talk down such a person (I know of multiple people who made a bona fide job out of talking sense into literal nazis and clansmen, person by person - their tactic was generally to find whatever problem their rage came from), but there’s a difference between “flawed” and “awful” and I do think it came through that White is a piece of work quite unlike, say, Connie’s mother, and that Steven’s dealing with her because he wants to for the good of society, because he’s the bigger person and secure in himself, not because he owes it to her or anything

It seems like they went for “awesome” rather than “beautiful” with Steven’s fusions. The designs are kinda gaudy, but even so, once you getpast the gaudy design, it’s kind of touching how Steven’s and Garnet’s fusion is essentially a motivational speaker who sprouts encouraging advice nonstop. Garnet was always Steven’s Mentor and as well as the main person (besides greg) to teach him morals, as well as generally encouraging & supportive, but Steven of course encourages and supports her too, and both like doing that for others

I love Peridot’s short shorts and that she and Bismuth repaired the ships/ went a-tinkering together. It took me a bit to notice that it’s supposed to be shorts and not just her old outfit with starts instead tho

Voice of Reason!Connieis a gift that keeps on giving

#steven universe #su spoilers #change your mind

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bellsingur · 7 years

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Lapis Lazuli, a metaphor for depression, attempted sort of recovery, relapse, then recovery again and hopefully it’ll work this time

(TW: Vivid descriptions of depression) Also very, very long post.

There are already countless pieces written about Lapis Lazuli and the trauma she’s been through, how she’s portrayed as having depression and/or PTSD, and currently on the show, she’s still healing. I have missed all of them, too focused on shipping. :P

As I rewatch all of Steven Universe, it struck me that Lapis Lazuli, herself and her journey thus far, can be a metaphor for depression and trying to recover from it, and the hardship that brings (She also is clinically depressed too). Especially in season one, where she goes from stuck in a mirror, to free to go back to Homeworld, only to be brought back to Earth. I always thought of her as an immigrant with heavy diaspora, no true place to call home (which is true), but I think this fits much more appropriately.

Major Depressive Disorder is a mental/mood disorder characterized by intense and persistent feelings of sadness and despair, affecting normal function in every life. Unfortunately, it’s very common.

When we’re first introduced to Lapis Lazuli, she’s trapped in a mirror for millennia, unable to move or speak, utterly paralyzed. Her gem - her very physical body and mind - is cracked. She’s not doing well at all.

And that was essentially depression (esp. one where the person has almost completely retreated from society). There’s a list of symptoms, but those are often just observable behaviors, identified/categorized by/for the DSM. The exact feeling and reality of it is hard to describe; people have describe it as being trapped in the darkness, being in a black hole, unable to do anything about it or get out.

For Lapis, it meant becoming an object, no longer a person. There’s no one to talk to. People talk at her, tell her what to do, and she can obey, but no one bothered to even wonder if she was more than a tool, much less whether she was suffering or not. She was kept in Pearl’s Gem, isolated from the world, only able to ruminate on her experiences, knowing exactly what led her to this situation, thoughts playing themselves over and over again. There’s nothing she could do - she’s helpless. She has no idea how long this will last - for all she knows, she’s stuck like this forever. It’s hopeless.

Suddenly, Steven comes around, and she’s set free, figuratively and literally. Her Gem is healed. And all she wants to do is to go home, go back to her old life, do the things she used to do. Live again.

The first step to recovery. Or what she thinks is recovery

This is when things go wrong, in a completely different way.

Homeworld is not the way it used to be. Everything here is so advanced! I can't even understand it.

It’s been 5000+ years since Lapis has been on Homeworld. Everything’s changed, drastically. She’s thrusted into this new environment, everything is still beyond her control, and though she’s free, it probably felt just as suffocating as the mirror.

We never see what transpires on Homeworld, so I’ll imagine it. Whereas she’s been stuck in time, in ‘Era-One’, Homeworld has moved on. They discovered new technology, they’ve made new Gems, new rules, new everything. She doesn’t know what to do, or how to do anything. Events, major and minor, has come and gone, and she doesn’t even know what she missed out on. Everything she used to know is antiquated or even obsolete.

If she ever went back to Blue Diamond’s court, she’s not welcomed there either. Whoever Lapis knew 5000 years ago, if they’re still around, they’ve probably forgotten her - friendships broken, awkward reunions, and changed relationships. There’s so many new people. What’s court life like now, the social dynamic? Where does she fit in? Can she fit it?

The thing about depression, is that yes, treatment is available, and recovery possible. But that’s an extremely oversimplified statement. Getting better is really, really hard. It’s not even about the mood or what you’re feeling. You can be feeling better, much better. But during your time separated from reality, things have changed. You can’t just hop back into your life from before, you can’t just pick up school, work, relationships, hobbies from where you left off.

Not to mention that you’re different as well, and the remnants of depression is still there. Your brain and body has atrophied. You’ve spent so long trying not to think or feel that you may find yourself truly unable to think or feel. You’re forgetful, you’re anxious, you’re scared. You’re less confident then you were before, and sometimes things are so hard that you may even wish you were depressed again, just to stop the overwhelming of everything.

Depression can ‘re-wire’ the brain (and life), change the way you look at and interact with the world. But for Lapis Lazuli, the entire world itself has been re-wired too.

Then she’s brought back to Earth.

Back to the place she hated, back to another form of imprisonment and pain. This time, she has relatively more control. This time, she’s not numb or paralyzed anymore, but that’s just been replaced by anger and cynical hopelessness.

She impulsively traps Jasper in a fusion, forcing the both of them to stay at the bottom of the ocean for time indefinite. She takes out her frustrations of Jasper, kept her prisoner for months; she focuses on controlling Malachite, because that’s at least something to do. She refuses Steven’s offer to help.

In a way, it’s her way of coping. It’s terribly unhealthy, and while she has more energy than before, she still sees no way out. She’s self-destructive, and she does (in her own words) terrible things - while understandable - that still are negative actions and have their own consequences.

It’s a relapse. The subsequent effects of time away, the new devastation of being out of place, of not being able to fully recovery, the totally lack of support has - all that can drive you back into the depths.

For a moment, I really felt like things were different, but they're not. No matter where I go, I'm trapped.

Like before, Steven finds her again.

This isn't the same world that held you prisoner, not anymore, and I know it doesn't feel like home but maybe that can change, too.

From Same Old World and onwards, Lapis tries again. But this time around, she has support from Steven, Peridot, and the Crystal Gems. She had to accept that she can never go back to where she was before, she had to accept that everything will be different and the future will not be what she had planned it to be. Acceptance is hard but it’ll come eventually.

And that’s okay.

Lapis takes it slow. She finds a roommate and friend (and sort of caretaker) in Peridot. She gets sunlight and fresh air. She find hobbies. She makes art and tend to crops. She gets a pet. All good things to do when trying to relieve depression.

With the release of Raising the Barn, she takes off to space with the barn, essentially isolating herself again and cutting off her support system. I don’t think it’s relapse just yet, but if she continues, it’ll become one. The possible arrival of the Diamonds is a terrible stressor, and her way of coping is avoidance and retreat. They can work to bring some peace in the short term, but it’s not sustainable for the long term.

When Lapis comes back, there’ll be a lot she has to deal with, issues she needs to work out, demons to confront. Lots she needs to fix, as it often happens when people with depression or PTSD or other sorts of mental illness.

That’s not the say the problems are their fault - often an crisis, people with mental illness take what they see as the best possible option, a ‘logical’ one given what they know and need at the moment, even if it’s short-sighted or dangerous; anything to relieve pain - but they do hold responsibility and an duty to repair any damage they did do.

Lapis is still alive; she got better, even if just a little; her friends and family are awaiting her return; she still has choices. (The show is still going) There’s still time for change, and I hope she’ll be able to see that soon.

Some useful links.

#analysis #Steven Universe #Lapis #Lapis Lazuli #depression #mental health #bell ringing #why did i write so much #text #meta #SU #what's this????#a lapis post?#yeah

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