#I wish y’all fucking KNEW how hard I work for you all

[just-rogi]

God middle schoolers are MEAN I’ve been callled literal fucking slurs by adults that have hurt less than my middle school girls saying

‘miss behind your back the seventh graders say you are annoying and weird :/‘

like holy shit that’s fuckjng gutting bc I KNOW they mean that shit

[b00tyliciousbabe]

waves

pairing: surfer!bf x THICC!male reader

summary: oh, how i need a tall, curly headed goofball…

notes: HOPE MY LOVELIES ARE DOING WELL. trying to get through my requests, but this was a personal one of mine. slowly but surely y’all! as summer is coming to an end, it was SO necessary for me to feed my hot girl delusions at least a couple more times. also, enjoy the new style i have been experimenting with!

song rec: they. - diamonds and pearls

album rec: sabrina carpenter - short n sweet (my girl sabz ate so hard with this project, i just wish it was released in early aug so she could’ve rly CONQUERED summer 2024) THEE POP PRINCESS!

brief background:

your boyfriend was raised with a silver spoon; he’d never had to work a day in his life and everything he ever wanted, he got. well, everything except you. throwing money to impress people had worked on all of his other childhood crushes, but not you, which made him all the more determined to prove to you he wasn’t just some fuck boi the media painted him out to be. his family owned the richest resort in the carribean, and had hotels in every mega city worldwide. but wherever they travelled to, your man was never too far from a beach. call it fate, but the sea would always lead you back to him. it was where he first laid eyes on you; reading a very lengthy novel as you laid on the sand, watching your friends play in the water. after their surf practice, your mutual friends introduced the two of you and you were SMITTEN - but you couldn’t show your interest too soon. he too was whipped, and didn’t take nearly as much effort to hide it, practically drooling whilst staring at you. his mates would constantly ridicule him for his dazed expression around you, and he could never hear the end of the new nickname ‘bambi boy’ you gave him because he looked so cute when he was flustered. after weeks of regular conversation and a couple walks on the beach, he officially asked to be your boyfriend and you said yes.

when it came to finally introducing you to his family, they loved you almost as much as he did. he was the youngest of six and so he got the privilege of this. his parents especially were wishing y’all would stay together. they believed you were the perfect match for their goofball of a son.

core memory sfw:

the first time he said ‘i love you’ with TRUE meaning; you were always worried that you were just one fuck away from being forgotten, but your man made sure to constantly affirm his love for you. he brought you the biggest bouquet of your favourite flowers, and stood outside in the pouring rain, playing a mixtape he’d made for you. it was genuinely a scene out of a film, he was your knight in shining armour (a hawaiian shirt and matching shorts) and it was then that you knew that you guys were endgame.

core memory nsfw:

to say your bf loves your body is an understatement. the way he’s hooked on your body, some might say it’s borderline unhealthy. he’s so handy and keeps his hands on your ass all the time. whether it’s a spank, watching it jiggle as you walk away from him, or a full on grip as his pulls you onto his dick, he’s a man that would gladly die between your cheeks. one time during dinner you wore a wrap skirt paired with a tank top, paired with a thong that was peeping out enough to make your man’s eyes pop out of his head like a cartoon character. as his jaw dropped, practically salivating at the sight of your body moving closer to him, you picked it up and giggled, stroking his chin endearingly. for the entire meal he was practically sat right next to you, breathing in your luscious skin. ‘boy, you better calm down, we have company.’ you giggled. ‘fuck bby, how can you say that when you look good enough for me to eat?’ he whispered into your ear, trying not to bring too much attention. before you knew it you were face down, ass up and your thong was pulled to the side, as he used it as a pseudo leash keeping your pussy bouncing on his cock.

your favourite thing about him: his oddball nature.

as much as it can annoy you that he’s always cracking jokes, leaving no room for respite, your bf never fails to bring joy to your life. as the life of the party he’s always bringing that much needed energy to the dull world of his mostly corporate family. whether it be seeing you hollering at some unhinged thing he’d said, or watching him (ironically) fuck the smile onto your lips, you can tell that comedy is who he is, and you wouldn’t change your weirdo for anything.

his favourite thing about you: how artistic you are.

almost impossibly, it makes your boyfriend fall in love with you even more seeing your creativity flourish. you’re always making him jewellery out of the shells and stones you find. he loves to wear them, it gets you going when you see the necklace you made for him swing back and forth as he fucks into you. or when you feel the cold of his rings and bracelet on your waist as he holds you in position to fuck you even harder. he’s so proud of you.

his insta post: mostly just him showing off his good looks (we love a cocky man around here) and his beach flix.

surfer!bf my face is his favourite seat.

y/n: that big dick is a very close second though.

tinashe replied: @y/n, you a nasty girl fr.

sabrinacarpenter replied: @y/n girl, need you on that bed chem remix. about to do some damage…in a good way x

your insta post: almost always pictures of your creations; you like to keep your relationship with him private, that’s YOUR man, and you can get very possessive.

y/n feel free to add to your pinterest boards.

surfer!bf: baby you’re so talented 🩵

viviennewestwood: so excited to see your next collection!

surfer!bf: i love you.

y/n replied: @surfer!bf aw, i love you too babes!

plans for the future!

being with one of the greatest surfers in the world, definitely came with some amazing perks.

marriage:

oh, he’s 100% thought about it, and would definitely be the one to propose. the free spirit in him doesn’t need a piece of paper to prove that he loves you, truly. But would totally be your husband if you let him x

children:

your surfer!bf ABSOLUTELY WANTS TO HAVE A FAMILY WITH YOU! sees himself as the best father and y’all would have the cutest kids ever.

tag list:

@gayaristocrat

@multireese

@malereadermaniac

@lysanderplume

@ghostking4m

[charmedreincarnation]

Hey guysss! A lot of people have been asking for me to make a challenge for a while now. I honestly didn’t want to, not because I’m against them or anything but because the law will be different for everyone. Sometimes, it feels like tumblr needs a reminder - you are the only person who knows what you need to do to succeed. I wish I could imprint this realization on everyone's minds. I’ve also gotten so manyyyy asks about things that genuinely just feel like your doubts repeating in your mind constantly so I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs bc y’all are spiraling really hard. I get it you want your desires for Christmas and new years. It’s okay take a breath, you're alive and will be okay.

Firstly: at the beginning I used to spend countless time spiraling into depression, constantly changing my methods every time I saw a new success story, and every time I found a new foolproof' tumblr method. Methods that were supposed to guarantee results in a day so when they didn’t I felt rlly useless. It was annoying, to say the least, and I don’t want to help others do the same thing, but really all I can do is reiterate what I always say and hope you apply it to everything!!

A lot of you guys wanted something that didn’t involve the void state, so that’s what this will revolve around! But feel free to make this void orientated if you desire, and I’ll also add a void section so all my babies can eat!

Ok so you’ve over consumed, you have dropped the void, and now have switched to just assuming and knowing that you would wake up with your dream life - embracing states. Great! At first, it will seem like you're doing nothing but you aren’t! For example, I knew I was dwelling in the state of wish fulfilled when I went to work without shedding tears, when I looked in the mirror and didn't think I was ugly because, well, I'm beautiful! I didn't care abt not performing well on a test because I could revise my past etc. this isn’t to say ignore the 3D: don’t do that, please try and make sure you’re safe and okay. But know life is malleable. Slowly, things that used to bother me—my parents, grades, anxiety, self-deprivation—started to fade away. Even though my dream life hadn't reflected in my 3D yet, I felt the switch. That's when I decided, I know what to do.

I also remember finding this cute website a long time ago that I want to share that summarizes it in such a great and simple way.

So Before I knew or understood what LOA was, I found this gem of an article on I am Love'- "How To Shift Into A State & Stay There". I think I have a post abt it somewhere on my blog but I’m too lazy to find it so here it is again.

Basically it explains that the essence of shifting into a desired state and staying there. What resonated with me was her choice to dwell in the state of knowing that her desires are hers, no matter what.

The way she used colloquial language made the content relatable and easy to understand. It's like having a conversation with a friend who's guiding you through hard concepts with “dumbed down” language because at the beginning states made 0 sense to me.

Posts like this really helped me particularly because when I discovered Neville, it required three attempts on my part to not only intellectually grasp his teachings, but also to truly comprehend him as a whole, given his non-contemporary speaking tbh.

I recommend it if you find yourself stuck or not really grasping the law yet (which is more than okay) but, if you're looking to understand the loa better or just learn more give this article a read.

There’s also a particular quote from Neville that really got me to dive into his work after finding this article and it was- “The being that you really are, descended to the weakness of the flesh, causing you to experience the state you are now in. Contemplate another state, and the same being who brought your present form into being will restore and make alive the other state, the state desired. This he will continue to do until his purpose is fulfilled. That purpose is to follow a certain pattern back into the unity of being. You see, in the beginning we were drafted. We did not volunteer to fall into these states. We were made subject into futility, not willingly but by the will of him who sent us. But when we return we will discover that we are the very being who subjected us. We are now the sons, destined to return as God the Father!”

Now that you understand and are ready to apply state, Here’s a routine I’ve created to hopefully help you guys! It is very simple and not time consuming at all.

Scripting and writing: I love writing and feeling like the author of my own story, literally bringing my creation to life. I would write when I felt like it. Whenever I wanted to dwell in my state, I would simply write, "I have my dream life." It's so simple, yet it embodies everything I need. If you’re more of a picture girl, use Pinterest instead. Or both if you prefer it doesn’t matter.

Edward arts' "I am creator meditation": Again, do this whenever you like it. It's one of the few meditations that didn't bore me to death and seemed to work with my ADHD. I also love reading, so I would read his pdf whenever I felt like it and take mental notes. Reading his work was a reminder I was doing everything right, it resonated with me very well.

During doubt and overstimulation: When things get overwhelming, close your eyes and let the emotions pass. They’re just thoughts! repeat the words "I am" until your heart returns to its normal rhythm. It's a simple yet powerful way to ground yourself amidst the whirlwind of emotions. And guess what? You can use this technique for doubt too! So the next time you're feeling overwhelmed, remember the power of "I am". It's a gentle reminder of your existence, your resilience, and your capability to be whatever you want despairs any emotional turmoil.

Thank god: (yourself!!) When reminded of your desires. Thank you god. When you see your desires, (eg:Pinterest, online or you’re just reminded) thank you god! When you see an image of your desires, thank you god! When you dream or think about your desires. Thank god! Always thank the person fulfilling it aka you ;)! If you’re religious just thank the god you actually follow.

Nightly reflections: At night, ask yourself , "What would I do if I woke up in my dream life right now?" repeat this question throughout the night. Then, imagine whatever scene you want. What would you do if you could not fail? What would you do if you had all the money in the world right now. What if you looked in the mirror and saw the most ethereal being and it’s just you? What about if you woke up in your dream house with your dream family and pets? This is inspired by one of the first shifting methods I created that helped me fulfill my imagination before I knew what that meant. When you’re ready to sleep just remind yourself it is done, and drift off into your desires.

As I've always said, I've been a great daydreamer. I knew exactly what I wanted my life to look and feel like. I envisioned my walk-in closet filled with luxurious outfits, waking up in my dream room on a soft mattress with my pets purring nearby. I saw the decor reflecting my personality in every corner of my large, and pretty room. I imagined walking into my bathroom, seeing all my cool Sephora products lined up for my skincare and shower routine. I love taking care of myself because I know I deserve it. I saw myself looking in the mirror, knowing I'm "that girl" who turns heads wherever she goes.I visualized going downstairs in my boujee dream house,and seeing my family stress-free, smiling, and eating well. I saw plans being made on my phone, my friends were excited to see and talk to me. I went to my kitchen, filled with expensive ingredients ready for me to cook meals for my loved ones - because I love cooking. I saw myself checking my bank account and seeing multiple seven figures in my savings, checking, and investment accounts and opportunities easily presenting myself to make more if I wanted. I saw myself running errands in my car, shopping, getting Starbucks, having expensive lunch with friends, and making a trip to Target. Despite the simplicity of the day, I would come home and be like, "Ugh, what a long day!"like that one khloe kardashian meme. What if all this happened today? Visualize and feel the scenes so clearly that it felt like it's already happening.. not just in your imagination.

Most importantly: Define the law for you! Stop parroting bloggers and intertwine your own beliefs with the law. The only principle of the law is that through persistence assumption will harden into a fact. Other than that anything goes except for facts that are wrong.

Here’s old notes I found in my phone lol just so you know what I mean by define the law for you: ignore the writing I was kinda dumb and new to the law 😭😭

Now this is for my void babies if you made it this far.

Read this post.

This is it copied bc the links are wonky sometimes

“My previous method is based on the persistent assumption, which a lot of people don’t know how to do right and it might take some time even for those who have the right self-concept and the mindset, so today I was in the process of manifesting this method.

And I was successful!

This method is for everyone. It’s the easiest Void method.

Do you know that you get into the Void state at night automatically? At that time the whole perceived world disappears for you. Every single perception and assumption you have disappears while your consciousness in the calm and natural Void state.

Use it to your advantage. Now that you know about the Void that you enter when you sleep, the perfect state to manifest anything that you wish to perceive, with no “resistance”, no illusions of annoying solid things around, you only need to remember your scripted starting point in your DR and practice watching it all coming out of the Void.

Practice that scene with your eyes closed, say to yourself:”That is what I perceive. Next time I’m in the Void, I’ll experience this”. You won’t even need to be fully aware of yourself that way when you get into the Void while you are asleep. Your subconscious would do all the work as it now would have the instruction and a clear image of you expecting it.

Personal experience: as I was receiving information on this method, I almost stepped into my DR! I wasn’t even in the absolute void state, I was only creating the scene for this method and I felt it materialise with my senses!

I have great feeling that it’s going to give fast results for others! Try it, teach your subconscious what it needs to bring forth while in the Void, let it do your work for you!”

Lastly, I’m gonna talk abt my beliefs real quick bc the fear of shifting vs manifesting makes me sad for y’all. I understand you don’t wanna leave behind the people you love and that’s not fear to feel ashamed of having! I personally hate the npc mindset a lot of have people have adopted. The only thing we know for sure is that assumptions create realities, and consciousness is the real reality. Everything else boils down to assumptions, except for principles. For example, shifting is not lucid dreaming, even if you assume it to be. That is the principle. I’m just going to copy what I told my mutal bc I’m lazy and need to finish Christmas stuff 😭😭 but Our imagination and the 4D realm are products of our consciousness, which is indeed real. Our view of reality is shaped by our consciousness, since we can't experience everything all at once.

Unless, of course, you shift into a super omnipotent god. Even then, you’d probably still struggle with the concept of infinity because, well, infinity is infinite. And it’s constantly a never exnding expansion. As humans, we're finite beings, and our understanding of the infinite is naturally limited. Because you can’t and won’t ever experience everything at once, infinity is always expanding. Our awareness can be thought of as fragments of consciousness; it's like being a drop of water in a massive ocean. Even though our perception is limited, the infinite is always there, always existing. We simply adjust our awareness to perceive this infinite reality.

And through our consciousness, we are able to tap into other realities or 'multiverses', which give us a broader understanding of existence. This exploration of consciousness and the multiverse is a significant part of my journey into the world of manifestation.

The law of consciousness explains why, when you "shift" or change your perspective, you don't physically move. It's all about altering your state of awareness. This is also why time doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of things. You can become aware of any time or day you want, as long as you choose to be aware of it. It's like having a mental time machine. This law is why infinite universes exist. As long as you can be aware of it, you can assume and embody the state of that person. Whether that's someone with a billion dollars on Earth, or a person who lives in the Attack on Titan world, it's all about your awareness.Our awareness is just a fragment of the larger consciousness – hence the idea of the multiverse. Each universe is a different fragment, a different state of awareness. And we have the power to “shift” into any of these states, therefore shifting into any of these universes.

I’m telling you this bc there’s no need to be afraid of manifesting or being in a reality with robotic versions of the people you love. Ariana grande and Marilyn Monroe for example talk about loa without acknowledging it and we see their success. Neville Goddard and his followers saw each other’s manifestions and I manifest for my friends and they mnaifest for me.

Take a deep breath and let go of the tik tok clone mindsets y’all have they don’t exist. You can manifest and assume anything you want in your imagination. Y’all literally want to manifest things like millions of dollars, revising deaths, living in new countries, having immorality in your waiting rooms, and never aging which is all possible of course. So be for real, why assume and know that you can achieve all that, but it won't manifest exactly how you want? I've also wondered about what happens to the "old version" of people when they manifest their dream life. As far as I'm concerned, they dont exist because you choose not to be aware of them.

I really want to talk about this too, as I've received similar questions and, oh my god, I thought I was alone. I've always been a bit delusional and lived in my head, but when I became conscious of the law, did anyone else feel a sense of self-embarrassment? I don't know what that was, but I'd genuinely feel my soul wanting to throw up envisioning my desires that aren't mine, even though I've always been a daydreamer. It's kind of like when you feel you can't have them or it's strange to envision yourself with something you can't have, so you just purge yourself. 😭

I was thinking back to why that happened and laughing at myself because we need to be serious right now. Why are you getting sick by your own mind? Imagine if Van Gogh, anytime he pulled out a canvas and held a brush, was jump-scared by the brush. Picture him holding out the brush and just staring at the canvas crying because "well, the painting is going to suck 😐," "I don't know what to paint☹️☹️," "I already know it won't be like what I envision in my head 😡😡." Like, bro, the canvas is blank, just fucking paint. That’s why I really like his quote that's like...

“If you hear a voice within you say you cannot paint, then by all means paint and that voice will be silenced.” So If you’re scared of failing, if you’re scared of your desires, or scared of how it will come to fruition, for that reason alone is more so to and manifest it anyways.

But happy holidays guys! make some tea, scroll through Pinterest, read a good book and watch some Christmas films and remember if you can imagine/think your desires you can embody them bc where are you getting it from??

Here are some helpful documents I have read plus a cute vid I saw on insta reels : (let me know if the links are being weird)

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[plussizeficchick]

Agora Hills | Eren x Chubby!Reader

Ahhh! It’s part 2 to The Weekend! I didn’t expect y’all to like the first part as much so I’m hoping this lives up to y’all’s expectations😂

Warnings: Mean!Eren (but really only to Mikasa and Historia) Pick Me!Mikasa and Historia (they will be dealt with) smut(cunnilingus, P in V, mentions of fingering, panty sniffing) not proofread (sorry y’all)

She felt like she was going to be sick.

How could he?

How could you?

She cried in your arms, she poured her heart out to both of you and this is what you do?

No.

It had to be you.

You must have tempted him, this was just some elaborate revenge for her talking to that one guy at Connie’s party a while back. 

Because no way her Eren would be caught dead with you.

— —

Mikasa’s knees were ready to give way.

All throughout the day, you and Eren had been carefully avoiding her but it was time for your daily meetup at lunch with the rest of the group, so she’ll give you an opportunity to explain yourselves and if she’s willing, she’s open to forgiveness.

Oh how she wishes she’d have just skipped lunch.

She was seated next to Historia in the cafe, along with Armin, Jean and Connie awaiting the arrival of you both. She needed Historia for moral support, having told her of your treachery. Historia wasn’t nearly as upset as Mikasa had expected, but she chalked it up to shock because honestly, she was shocked too.

As soon as the doors to the cafeteria open, everyone’s head turns, the sight of Eren holding the door open for you coming into view.

He walks in after you, eyes raking over your figure as if he didn’t help you pick out your outfit for the day.

It was a simple halter top and mini skirt combo paired with some short, heeled sandals, but that wasn’t what brought the smirk to his lips.

No, it was the pretty gold anklet with his initials and the gorgeous emerald necklace that he’d paired with it that brought the smile to his face.

You looked so pretty with his claim on you.

You both saunter up to your friends, hand in hand, before Eren pulls out your seat for you, taking the one beside you for himself before you both engage in conversation with the guys.

“So, does no one see a problem?” Historia asks incredulously. Has she entered the fucking twilight zone?

Armin shrugs, doing a onceover of the table, “I don’t think so. Everyone’s here right?” He asks, getting a brief nod from everyone.

Not that you and Eren were paying attention. You both were too busy giggling amongst yourselves.

“Eren?” Mikasa squeaks out. She couldn’t believe that after all this time, he’d just throw her away. And for you of all people?

Oh no.

She’s worked too hard, put up with too much to just let him go.

He begrudgingly looks away from you, his mood immediately dampening as he addresses her. “Yeah?” He sighs. 

She ignores his disposition, wanting to know just what the fuck you two had going on. “Can I talk to you? Privately?” She grits out through clenched teeth. Eren rolls his eyes before turning his attention back to you, playing with the emerald pendant, “Nah, why? What happened?” 

Mikasa blushes as everyone turns their gazes towards her, the tension palpable. “What happened? What happened, Eren, is you parading her around like she’s your girlfriend when we-” “When we what, exactly? Look Mikasa, you’re a nice girl but (Y/N)’s different. She makes me feel some type of way whenever I’m with her. We just click in a way that you and I never could.” He cuts her off.

Her heart breaks, tears threatening to fall when she casts a glance at her friends, but the way they avert their eyes has her stomach dropping further. “You guys knew?” She barely manages to get out. 

Connie and Jean mumble affirmations, but Armin stutters out a reply, “But not for that long, Mikasa!” He squeaks out, however, Historia’s had enough, “That’s enough! Eren, you’re being cruel. You can’t possibly want her over me-Mikasa!” She exclaims. Eren snarls, his temper spiking. “I’m getting real tired of you guys talking about my girl like that, so I’m only going to say this once,” He grits out. “Being cruel is pretending to be Mikasa’s friend when you’ve been begging me to fuck you behind her back. Being cruel is telling me that Mikasa’s a pathetic bitch and that I can do better than her. And you know what? You’re right! And you’re fucking looking at her, so the both of you can fuck off out of my face.” He practically spits at her. Historia’s jaw drops and Mikasa just wants the earth to swallow her whole. 

She rushes out of the cafeteria, Historia hot on her heels, spewing apologies. Eren turns to you, thumb brushing over your cheek softly. “You okay, baby?” He asks, pressing a brief peck to your lips. “Yeah, just not very hungry anymore.” You sigh. Eren frowns, but you’re sure to reassure him. “It’s not because of them, babe. Just wanna be alone with you right now.” You murmur, running your manicured hand along his arm. 

He smirks, now eager to get you both out of there. “Hey, we’re gonna rain check on the lunch.” Eren announces to your friends. He helps you out of your seat, guiding you out of the cafeteria.

“He’s fucking whipped.” Connie jokes, gaining laughs from the two men.

— —

You both barely made it past the threshold of his dorm before you were on each other, tongues darting into each other’s mouths eager to gain dominance.

Eren presses you against the door, hiking you up to press his clothed cock against your cunt. “You don’t think anybody noticed, right?” He mumbles into your mouth, the taste of you too good to pull away from. “You fingering me under the table?” You ask. He nods, pulling back slightly to move his attention to your neck, the previous love bites fading to make room for new ones. You shrug, moaning as he sucks on a particularly sensitive spot, your panties dampening further as a result, “Who cares?”

Eren chuckles at your neediness, moving to press a searing kiss to your lips as he walks you both to his bedroom. He carefully placed you down, pulling back fully to look at you.

He doesn’t think you fully grasp the hold you have on him, but there’s plenty of time to convince you.

He moves to peel away the tight mini skirt and top you have on, your lacy thong being the only thing keeping him from your warm center. You whine for him to get undressed, the sight of his hard abs and tattoos causing your pussy to clench around nothing. He obliges you, removing his hoodie and jeans along with his boxers before he rejoins you on the bed.

He runs a finger over your soaking panties before pulling them down, strings of your arousal sticking to the small piece of cloth.

The next moment is hazy to the both of you, all Eren knows is that he’s not going to be able to go one day without your pussy on his face.

He dives in, his tongue immediately lapping up the juices that escaped from your slick hole before trailing up to your clit, sucking on the bundle of nerves. You whine, clit throbbing under his ministrations. He takes long, languid licks up and down the slit before flicking his tongue over the bud. You gasp as you cum with a shout, his name falling from your lips like a prayer.

He’s faring no better, the way your thick thighs clamped over his head, squeezing him further into your cunt has him rutting against the sheets, the tip dripping pre. He pulls away when the need for air becomes necessary, taking in gulps of air while nuzzling into your fupa.

“You’re so pretty, baby. So fucking sexy.” He mumbles into the soft skin. You run your fingers through his unruly hair, the soft locks falling from your fingers. “Want you to fuck me, ‘Ren.” You whine out, aching to feel the length of him stretch you out. He complies, pressing kisses along your body before he presses a sweet kiss to your lips, the taste of you still dancing on his tongue.

He uses the kiss to distract you from the slight sting of his cock stretching your cunt. He hisses at the feel of your warm cunt wrapping around his cock, the slickness of your juices making the glide into you that much easier.

He sits up slightly, fucking into you as he reaches over you to grab something, groaning and cock twitching as he grabs his prize. You barely manage to look up to see your panties pressed against his nose, tongue laving over the damp patch.

You cry out at the sight, your pussy quivering as you pull him into a messy kiss, sucking his tongue into your mouth. You both whine into each other's mouths, declarations of love spilling from each other's lips as you both reach your high. You clamp down around Eren, your cunt gushing and clenching as you coat his cock in your essence and he fills you up, warm cum painting your walls white.

You’re panting, the exertion catching up to you both as you snuggle into each other, your fingers tracing over the tattoo with your name on it. You’re tired, but you know it’s only a matter of time before you’re at it again.

It’s a good thing neither of them could keep him satisfied.

— —

Taglist:@xogabbiexo @kinq-sleazee @dabilovesme @sintiva @blkchxrryblyss @tenyaiidasslut @luna-indigoduh @bookwormsenpai @bl--ankhaeji @thicksimpx @namjoonswifeyy @nasty-quillz @haikyutiehoe @musicisme333 @unsatisfiedanddisappointed @celi-xxmoon @jesus-son-of-god @you-need-namjesus

[just-a-creep-babe]

61 for the smut thing? Can you do EJ

Ooooooh so i was sUper inspired during this one, and I’m thinking bout turning it into a multiple-part fic--would y’all be interested? 👀

Lmk if you enjoy ❣️ ✨

~Requests are closed but commissions are open!~

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Masterlist: x

61. “Just…once. Please. I just need to taste you once.”

It wasn’t a secret that the hybrid had a thing for you

But you didn’t know just how badly he wanted you

Or how often he found himself thinking of you

And how often that led to him rutting his stiff cock into his fist, desperately wishing it was you beneath him instead

You knew Jack was into you

But you didn’t know he was borderline obsessed with you

He passes you down the hall on Friday night, and your scent alone is nearly enough to drive him feral

You pause in your tracks, then call out to him

“Oh, Jack!”

God, just the way you say his name has the muscles in his abdomen tensing

He turns to you

“Yeah, what’s up?”

He tries not to cringe at how husky his voice sounds—you somehow always seem to coax a deeper pitch from him, almost as if by some kind of instinct

You smile, and god, he swears you’re the prettiest thing he’s ever seen

“Are you free right now?”

For you? Always

“I wanna get some training done,” you continue, entirely unaware of the way his heart is beating in his chest, “but I can’t find anyone else to spar with”

“I’m free,” he blurts the words out faster than intended, but only because the thought of you sparring with someone else makes his blood boil

“Great,” you smile again, and he can feel himself getting warmer, “are you ready for it right now, or do you have to change or something?”

“Now’s fine,” he hums

He gestures for you to lead the way, which you happily oblige

You make small talk as you walk down the corridor to the gym together

He could listen to you all day

He wants to hear every possible sound that can escape your delicate little throat; your laughter, your hums, your moans, your screams

Fuck, he has to distract himself

By the time you get to the training mats, he’s already partially hard

And though they won’t be fun to work out in, he’s thankful he wore his dark jeans instead of his grey sweats—he hates the thought of making you uncomfortable just because his damn pants might betray his arousal

“You really gonna fight me in that?” you laugh, and for a split second, he’s scared you can read his mind

But then he realizes you’re talking about his oversized hoodie, and relief washes over him

Wait—are you flirting with him?

Dumb grin on his face, he shakes his head and pulls the top over his head, tossing it out of the way into the corner of the room

“That better?”

He’s shirtless beneath it, and he almost can’t help but tense his muscles to give you a bit of a show

“Mmh, yeah, I guess it’ll do~” you tease

Fuck, fuck, fuck

He forces himself to think about Jeff and BEN to hopefully ease the way his pants keep tightening around him

He wants nothing more than to inhale your scent to see if there’s any change in your hormones

Does seeing him shirtless like this turn you on—even if just the slightest bit?

But he knows he’d be done for if he focuses too much on your scent

It’s already hard enough for him to control himself around you as is

You bring your hands up either side of your face, readying your stance, and he does the same

A mutual nod is shared, indicating you’re both ready, and then you’re making the first move

You step towards him and try to throw a hook

He dodges easily, then retaliates by kicking at the foot you’ve shifted your weight to

You stumble, but only for a second before using the momentum to try for another punch, this time aimed at his stomach

Again, he sidesteps it, his instincts making him unnaturally light on his feet

He wonders if he should let you get a few hits in; he’d hate to see you train with someone else just because he so obviously outmatches you

But while he’s distracted, you take the opportunity to fake out another punch, only to spin on your heels and give him a roundhouse kick

He tries to dodge it at the last second, but combined with his previous dilemma and the fact that he’s still very much so trying to conceal a boner, you hit him right in his side

He chokes out a groan, clutching the spot you landed the blow, and while you’re ahead, you take another shot, this time at his legs

He’s just as shocked as you must be when you get the hit in

He falls to his knees, and you’re about to drop your attack stance when he reaches out and grabs your ankle

His instincts take over for a split second, and the next thing he knows, he’s on top of you, pinning you down, and the both of you are panting heavily

Well, there go his attempts at hiding his hard-on

“Jack—“

You cut yourself off when you notice the way he’s looking down at you

The air seems to grow thick

Neither of you say anything

You both just lie there, staring at each other, sweaty body on sweaty body while you try to catch your breaths

And then, it happens

He makes the fatal mistake of breathing you in

Your scent is intoxicating

As soon as he gets a whiff, he can’t help but nestle into your neck to breathe in more of you

It’s not just your sweat—you’re turned on

You want him

His pelvis digs into yours, rolling circles between your thighs

“J-Jack—“

You gasp his name, and he almost has to stop himself from biting down into your neck right then and there

He wants to claim you, brand his mark into your skin

You’re his, you’re all his

The only thing stopping him from doing that right now is his damn fucking mask

“J-Jack, stop—“

His body freezes at the command

The word stop repeats itself in his clouded, lust-drunk mind

“W-we can’t,” you swallow thickly, “we can’t do this”

“…Why not?”

Any other time, it would’ve made him cringe to hear how much of a snarl his voice sounds like

But right now, he’s so horny, he can hardly bring himself to care

“It-it’s not—we just can’t. We’re just friends”

Friends

The word stings

He wants to spit it out, tear it in half because it’s in the way of him getting what he wants

A groan escapes him, something guttural and frustrated

You can’t lie—you want him too

He knows it, he can smell it

His cock twitches, and he notices the way it has more of your delicious scent filling the room

He buries his face into your neck again, cursing his fucking mask for blocking his lips from your skin, but knowing all too well it’s probably for the better

Breathing you in again has his hips rolling into you involuntarily

He can’t help it

He doesn’t even know if he’s really in control of himself anymore, or if it’s just the demonic instincts taking over

“Jack”

You say his name again, and oh, how he wishes it meant something different

“Just…once. Please,” he chokes the words out

He’s desperate

“I just need to taste you once”

He watches you bite your lip, brows furrowed, the need evident in your eyes

It’s pathetic, he shouldn’t be begging like this

But he’s so, so fucking desperate

He’s almost surprised when you finally make up your mind and give a shy nod

But it’s more than enough of the confirmation he needs

His hands travel down your form, trying to memorize every curve of your body beneath his touch

He’s almost salivating by the time he reaches your shorts

He looks up at you one last time, like he’s asking for permission again, and when you nod once more, biting your lip, he pulls the material all the way down

He thinks he might be in heaven when your bare cunt is revealed to him

You’re so wet you’re glistening

And your scent has his head spinning—to the point where he can’t focus on anything else

He wants to take his time, good lord, he wants to savor this, but he’s too impatient for his own good

He pushes his mask up to kiss at your thighs and hips, his sharp teeth occasionally leaving teasing nicks into your soft flesh

Your hands reach out to fist at his hair, legs spreading apart just the faintest bit more

When his tongue first makes contact with your folds, he groans deeply

He must be in heaven

He’s immediately addicted, hooked on the taste of your dripping sex

He grasps your thighs, tugs your legs over his shoulder, and firmly holds you in place

When he presses his lips to your cunt, just like that, he’s gone

He loses himself entirely to you

He sucks at your clit, lapping long strokes up your slit, and circling at your entrance

The way your body reacts to him, the way your cunt clenches every time he delves further into you, all those fucking sounds you’re making for him

He wants more

He needs more, so much fucking more

You pull his hair, whimpering his name, and he has to stop himself from grinding down into the training mat beneath him

He’s so hard, it’s almost painful

But as long as he gets to keep fucking you on his tongue, he’s over the moon

He’s so lost in you that he almost fails to notice the way your thighs start shaking around him

You’re getting close, and every nudge of his lips and tongue against your clit is making you moan even louder for him

“F-fuck, Jack— Fuck!—“

Your back arches, lifting off the ground

You look like a goddess

Even as you cum, he can’t bring himself to stop

You’re moaning and squirming, writhing in the palms of his hand, and something about it is driving him absolutely feral

He snarls, pushing his tongue deeper down your sex until he can feel you clenching around him

The string of curses falling from your parted lips is like a prayer he knows he won’t forget

He only stops when you start pulling at his hair, trying to tug him off of you

You’re shaking from the overstimulation

He, on the other hand, is throbbing in his jeans

He’s never felt so desperate

He wonders if he’s on the verge of triggering a heat

He licks at his lips, tasting your arousal off of his skin

The room is filled with your scent, and your taste is on his tongue, but if it were up to him, he’d still have more

And fuck, you’re so cute when you’re all flushed and panting after your orgasm

What he wouldn’t give to be able to see you like this all the time

He sits up, and he has to tense his muscles to prevent himself from shaking with need as you fix your shorts back on

He wants to say something, anything, but he’s at a loss for words

The word friends still hangs in the dead air between the two of you

It’s just about the only thing stopping him from folding you into a mating press and filling you with his seed

You look unsteady on your feet when you pull yourself up to stand

He looks up at you, still kneeling in front of you, and all he can picture is how good you’d look sitting on his face right now

Why must you make him so insatiable?

You make up some excuse about needing to go, looking shy and flustered and bashful all at once

He wants to say something that’ll convince you to stay, but he’s way too horny to think straight

And for the first time this evening, he’s thankful he’s still wearing his mask

It’s pushed halfway up his face, but maybe that’s just enough to conceal his expression so that you can’t tell all the depraved thoughts he’s having

He’s left there, kneeling on the training mat he just ate you out on, as he watches you leave

And he thinks fuck it, he’ll make sure that won’t be the only time he gets to do that to you

[hvnnibvni]

Together Again | JJK *part 1*

Pairings: Jungkook/Reader

Genre: Mature themes. Romance. Angst. Arranged marriage AU. Childhood best friends to lovers AU.

Warnings: cheating, reader is a rope bunny (ALLEGEDLY), hard!dom JK, switch!reader, reader likes to be slutted out, drunken sex, unplanned pregnancy(this is in the end dw😅), cunnilingus, oral (both receiving), fighting (talk shit get hit) daddy!kink, praise!kink, dirty talk, spanking, hair pulling. Just all around nasty y’all.

Summary: After reader finds her long-term boyfriend in bed with their mutual friend. She moves back into her family home, but under one condition. She has to marry her childhood friend that has been arranged since their childhood. For a wedding gift they go to a mountainous getaway with a group of friends, reader is told that ex and mutual friend get invited, so reader and jk decide to pretend not to know each other to avoid any confusion or miscommunication.

Authors note: Hi! Sorry it’s so late but here it is. I hope you guys enjoy. I’m making this into a series. I feel like it’s a little unprofessional not to have a masterlist but I’m working on that too. Just bare with me please in new to this lol. Also feel free to ask me any questions, or express your honest opinions Im all ears good or bad. Should I make a tag list?

——————————————————————

‘How the fuck did I get here’

You thought as you sat in you car, filled with you things. You had just left the home YOU bought after catching your boyfriend Yunwoo cheating one you.. With your supposedly best friend. Sitting there thinking, you should’ve saw the signs. They were there right in front of your face. You felt like a fool. Luckily you’ve always kept a cool head, or else you would’ve done something you’d regret. You honestly wished you did. You wanted them to hurt just as much as they hurt you, but you knew if wouldn’t change anything so why stress yourself out about it. But silence is the best way to get under someone’s skin isn’t it. No matter how much he cried and apologized. You didn’t turn back, you’ll never go back to him. That a promise you made to yourself on you journey back home.

Earlier that day:

“Hey y/n what can I get you” the barista, you’ve gotten to know over the years asks, “Let me have my usual please Janine, oh! And can you serve it really hot please, thank you.” You were making you your normal daily rounds that day, which normally started out with a hot coffee at your favorite cafe when you realized you forgot you wallet back at the house. “Ah actually scratch that. I seem to have left my wallet at home.” You say, making the sudden realization. “You know what don’t walruses about it it’s on the house,” Janine says with a smile. “That you so much I appreciate the generosity, but I have to go back home anyway. I’ll come back and pay for the coffee.” You just couldn’t shake this strange feeling telling you to go back home. Your boyfriend of 5 years seemed was acting strange this morning. Being overly sweet all of a sudden, waking you up, making you breakfast. It just seemed like he was trying to get you out of the house.

when you pull into the driveway you see his car still out front, but you didn’t find that as strange as you best friend, Cristal car along side his. “Strange,” you say to yourself as you pull into the driveway. She never texted that she was coming over, but you check you phone to be safe. But you still can’t shake the uneasy feeling you have in your gut that something fishy is going on inside your home without you knowing. The calm rational you is telling you to just walk in your home as if it’s nothing, but the bad bitch part of you is telling you to unlock your fence and sneak in though the back door. So that’s just what you do. As you’re sneaking inside your house you notice clothes spread all across you living room floor training up the stairs to your bedroom. “Oh hell nah I know these motherfuckers ain’t- okay.” You whisper to yourself as you tiptoe up the stairs.

As you reach your bedroom you hear the faint sound of laughter behind the door. You decide to listen in on the conversation before letting your presence known. “Why don’t you just leave her already. She can’t make you happy the way I do.” You hear Cristal say. “I’m just waiting for the right time Cristal you know how she can be. She so clingy, she acts like she can’t live without me,” Yunwoo explains to Cristal. You scoff to yourself as head this. “Mmcht yeah right like this isn’t my house you’re freeloading it.” You number to yourself as you lean in closer to get a better listen. No one knew that you were he one that made all the money between you two. Yunwoo didn’t have a job and was too embarrée to move back in with his parents after he dropped out of college. So you bought this home for the both of you to stay in. You on the other hand were and heiress to one of the most biggest, prestigious designing companies in the world. In other words you’re the 1 percent of the q percent. But you’ve always kept it a secret, because it is taboo to mention your wealth in front of other people who are less fortunate.

“well I just don’t see how it’s right to keep pretending and leading her on like this. Im starting to get annoyed just looking at her. She’s so pathetic.” At this point you e already opened the door. They look at you in shock to see you home this early. “Y/n-“ you hold up your hand. Not trying to hear a single word coming out of yunwoo’s mouth, already disgusted. You don’t speak of give them the time of day. Of course you have lots to say, say you listened to their conversation you realized that these people were below you. These people betrayed your trust, and defiled your home. They’re worth less than the dirt on a dog’s paw. And what do you look like speaking to those who aren’t even worthy enough to lick the dirt off of your dogs feet? “Y/n please let’s talk about this like adults.” Yunwoo pleads. All you can do is scoff ass you go around the room and gather your things.

“Yunwoo baby just let her go. You don’t need something like that anyways. She’s not worth the time,” Cristal says picking through her nails. “You know what Cristal you’re right. I don’t need this. I deserve better and y/n baby you can’t give that to me. I’m on to better things in life. While you’re going to be stuck a sad, lonely, bitter, insignificant, bitch no one can stand. So go on. Leave.” Yunwoo, who has more than audacity says to you. You, the classy person you are smile at him, gather your clothes, jewelry, and dog walk away. Leaving everything behind.

[intoanotherworld23]

Playing With Toys

Pairing: Reader x Bradley Bradshaw

Warnings: MATURE CONTENT NSFW 18+ ONLY, this is smut, and sex, use of sex toy, rough sex, unprotected sex, mild choking

Summary: Bradley decided to try something new in the bedroom, and you aren’t exactly complaining

Hearts, reblogs, and comments are very much encouraged I would love to know if y’all enjoy this one! If you wish to be added to my Bradley/ Miles tag list please tell me my tag lists are never full! Thank you all so much for your wonderful support! Enjoy! XOXO

Check out my other works on my Hall Of Hunks

Laying on your side with Bradley behind you as he was holding your leg in the air. Your arm gripping his thigh hard as you felt him going in and out of you. His arm underneath your head giving it something to rest on.

Feeling every thrust pushing in and pulling up driving up a rhythmic beat. Loving the thickness of his cock stretching out your inner walls. He was guiding you to the edge of pleasure. Feeling him pulsing inside of you both of you pushing each other into a frenzy.

"Oh fuck." You cried out as he slide his cock easily in and out of you.

"You are absolutely soaked." The sounds of your wetness echoing around the room.

He was breathing heavily into your neck as he continued to pump his cock inside of you. You felt so incredibly full, and you didn't know how you were going to take anymore.

"That feel good baby?"

"Mhm." Nodding your head unable to find the words to speak.

"Aw did you forget how to speak?" His tone condescending.

The scruff of his mustache was scratching against your neck, and he whispered dirty things in your ear. Your head thrown back so he had easy access to your neck, leaving sloppy kisses along the skin. Your eyes closed in pure ecstasy you didn't want this feeling to end.

You could feel the juices from your pussy slopping against your thighs every time he drilled into you. Your ass cheeks slapping against his pelvis with each movement he made. Your pussy making a squishing sound that made you feel flustered.

"Hold on."

He mumbled against your ear as he stopped thrusting inside of you to reach into his drawer digging something out. Trying to look over to see what he was exactly up to.

"Bradley what are you doing get back over here and fuck me."

"Patience baby I got something for you."

You cried out at him to continue having been close to your orgasm you didn't want to lose it. Whining when he was taking a little longer than you would have liked.

Looking over quickly to see what he was doing then leaning your head back down. Feeling a cold object touch your wet folds, and then a high vibration buzzing against your clit making you squeal.

"Shit just like that Bradley." You moaned out your pussy clenching around his cock.

Bradley has always talked about using a toy on your during sex. He just never expressed when he wanted to do that. Now here he was deep inside of you while rubbing a vibrator against you.

"I can feel you squeezing my cock baby."

Lifting his leg up even higher so he could get in a deeper angle. His cock slamming into your sweet spot making you see stars. Sweat was forming around your back and forehead. The sounds of his skin slapping against yours making your cheeks heat up.

Both your bodies rocking back and forth clashing into each other. The bed was shaking underneath you hearing then creak from the bed springs. If he kept going like this you were worried he was going to break the bed.

"God you drive me so fucking crazy." Growling in your ear as he nipped at it.

He moved the toy around your clit harder and harder. That fire was forming in the pit of your stomach and you knew you weren't going to last much longer. Your legs were shaking feeling yourself getting closer to release.

"Stretching this tight cunt out."

"Bradley." Whining pathetically with your mouth wide open.

"I know baby I know I'm gonna get you there."

Not even knowing what to do with your hands either having them on his body, or in your hair. At one point while his one hand was moving the toy against you, his arm that was underneath you moved slightly. His hand reaching up to grab you around your neck lightly choking you.

A smile appearing on your face making him rut into you even harder. He loved seeing you like this and what a desperate wild animal you were becoming. He's never wrapped a hand around your throat, but he was just living in the moment.

Applying just the tiniest bit of pressure to your throat so you could still breathe. It was overstimulating but absolute fucking bliss. Bradley could see it written across your face, and he wanted to keep that image in his head.

"Fuck you look so good like this sweetheart."

Both your bodies were rocking back and forth together in unison. The smell of sex and sweat was filling your nostrils. Moans and groans echoing across the room. Bradley was straining himself waiting for you to reach that sweet release.

"Oh god I'm gonna cum Roos." You whined pushing your head back Bradley growling at the use of his call sign.

"Call me that again."

"Rooster." Drawing out the name.

Bradley was a complete sucker for use of his call sign or rank being cried out in ecstasy. Driving him wild with lust whenever you did it. Whether it was by his command or not. It made him weak in the knees.

"That's a good girl for me."

Bradley groaning as he felt your pussy squeezing his cock. Your hips began to move in the rhythm of his cock. Still continuing to use the toy against you egging you on. Stopping for a quick minute, before his wrists would start snapping the toy against your clit and folds.

Your breathing was becoming heavier by the minute. His hand using the toy kept the tip of it against your clit pressing down harder so your back was arching against Bradley. He was always one to tease you, and bring you to tears when it came to sex.

"Cum all over my cock baby."

That was all it took before you felt your toes curling in the air, and you pussy squeezing him so tightly as you came around him. The pit of your stomach coiling as a wave of warmth rushed over your body.

"Oh fuck I'm there sweetheart." He warned you through his teeth.

Your body slumped against him as he pumped into you a couple more times. Groaning loudly as his cock twitched inside of you before squirting his warm load into you. The both of you out of breath after your kinky lovemaking.

Leaning his head forward so his forehead was pressed up against your shoulder. Giving you little tender kisses his hand running circles on your thighs in a soothing way. Feeling your eyes becoming heavier as you strained to keep them open.

There was no way your body was going to be able to move. Your legs felt like cooked noodles, and your hands were lightly trembling. It was an intense feeling almost like a rush of excitement or adrenaline.

"I hope I wasn't too rough with you." His soft hands touching your neck.

Bradley turning into a soft lush when everything was over. You were a priority to him, and he always wanted to make sure he didn't hurt you, or push you past your limit.

"No it actually felt really good." Confessing as you looked away feeling slightly embarrassed for liking it so much.

"Good cause we are definitely doing that again."

His hand reaching down between your legs to your raw cunt. Gasping as he gently pushed a thick finger inside of you. Your inner walls spreading open around it as you selfishly lifted your hips it. Feeling like you didn't know if you'd be able to handle anymore, but Bradley knew you could.

Bradley grinning as he watched the expression on your face. Knowing that he had you exactly where he wanted you. He wasn't exactly done with you yet, and had more in store for you.

"Get ready for a long night sweetheart."

[the1975attheirverybest]

Education

Lesson #7: Communication is KEY.

A/N: well; you asked for it. It’s here.

Warnings: smut. Also not entirely proof read cuz I wanted to post it today for y’all so…

———

“Amelia?” Matty called out to her from behind the door, resting his forehead against it. “Can I please come in?” He cooed.

He knocked this time, in case she hadn’t heard him, “Amelia, darlin, please let me in.” He listened carefully for a shuffling of feet, any signs of movement at all, but none came. Soon, he began to pace back and forth to alleviate the raging of his heart. “Amelia, please. Open the door- please, I need to know that you’re alright.”

The silence was unbearable. As he paced by the bathroom door, Matty went over the events of the night in his mind, combing through every detail as he remembered it, trying to identify the moment that things went wrong.

He’d spent the entire way to the party wondering if she was going to be there. She’d designed the art work for the album that they were about to celebrate, so he’d hoped that Jamie would’ve had the sense to invite her. It’d gotten difficult to get a hold of her after their last phone call. Which, embarrassingly, he’d been too drunk to remember the details of. He has a vague recollection of talking to her, touching himself, alone, in his hotel bed, listening to her moan on the other end of the phone and wishing that she were eighth there with him. But he doesn’t remember much else. The texts were sparse and far between after that night. She wouldn’t pick up whenever he tried to FaceTime her. He’d written it off as time zone issues. It wouldn’t be the first time that his friendships or relationships were affected by his itinerant lifestyle. As he’d learned the hard way, over the years, nothing beats being in the same room with people. No matter how good distant connection is.

He’d spotted her soon after arriving at the event; seen her standing with a group of people that she doesn’t really like. He knew she was too polite to excuse herself from the conversation, so he figured if he inserted himself into the group, he could help pull her away.

If he was being honest with himself, his escape to LA was anything but effective, he’d thought about her every night while he was there. Even when he met up with his hookup. He was ashamed that he’d close his eyes and think of Amelia every time that another woman touched him. Try to remember what she sounded like. How good she felt wrapped around him the last time that he’d fucked her. How good he felt being with her. It took everything in him not to call out her name in another woman’s bed.

So, of course he’d been eager to finally see her again. But was that so wrong? Is that what hurt her? Was he pushy when he asked her to go into the bathroom with him? Did she not want to? She did hesitate, briefly, but he thought it was just because it was an entirely new thing that she’d never done before. And that was the whole point of their arrangement. He was meant to make her feel safe to try things out and figure out what she liked. Gain confidence to do things with other people. How’d they get from that to here?

Matty slid against the bathroom door crumbling yo the floor. “I just want you to know I’m right here, okay? I’m gonna stay right here. I just- I don’t know how to- I don’t know what to do right now, but I’m still here. I haven’t left you. I’m not going to.”

He ran his hands through his hair, attempting to breathe, deeply, and collect himself. Patience has never been a virtue that he possessed, though. “Oh, fuck this.” He mumbled before standing back up and banging on the door. “Amelia, please! Open this fuckin door! At least make a sound so I know that you’re okay in there. I can’t be out here thinking that- that you’ve hit your head against something and need- need- fuck! open this fuckin door!” He banged on the door repeatedly, more aggressive this time, as his patience wore thin.

His hands hurt from knocking against the door and his chest felt tight with worry. He won’t take this anymore. “Right, that’s it, then. I’m getting something to unlock this door with.”

With a 4 minutes YouTube tutorial, a butter knife, and one of his credit cards, he finally managed to open the door without breaking it.

“Oh, Amelia…” his heart sunk when he saw her, sobbing on the bathroom floor, her whole, naked body shaking. The sight paralyzed him for what felt like an eternity. His worst fear had come true. In trying to protect her from the hurt of the potential ill-intentions and miscommunications of complete strangers, by offering to be the person that she could experiment on, or with, he’d somehow wound up hurting her himself. The worst part is that he had no idea what he’d done wrong.

This moment wasn’t about his self-pity and indulgent guilt, he’d feel his feelings later on. Right now, he needed to be there for her. He ran into the room to grab the first thing he could find — his own shirt— and brought it back to wrap her up in, carrying her in his arms. His heart pounded against his chest, terrified that he’d make a wrong move and fuck this up, even more, so he narrated every single step he took, waiting a moment to give her the chance to object.

“Gonna just put this on you, so you don’t catch a cold…alright?” She said nothing. “I- umm- wanna get off the floor?” Again, nothing. “Well- I’m going to pick you up now, okay? If you want me to stop, just- say…say something.” “Bringing you to bed now, unless- well, unless you want to be sat somewhere else.”

She made no effort to protest or to stop him, so he took that as permission and proceeded, slowly, gently, as lightly as he could. His delicate touch and strong arms were a far cry from what was going through his mind. Matty held her in his arms as she wept into his bare chest. With every breath she took, every sniffle, and every tear drop that fell from her face onto his skin, his heart broke over and over again until he thought it couldn’t possible hurt any worse- and then it did.

When he felt her finally go still, her trembling breath calm and even, he looked down, and saw that she was asleep. Should he be relieved that, at least, she wasn’t crying anymore? Or should he focus on thr fact that, whatever he’d done had caused her to cry her eyes out, literally, to the point where she could no longer keep them open? He didn’t have it in him to move her or disrupt the first moment of peace that she’d had all night. So as his body went numb underneath her weight, he replayed their night in his mind, yet again, silent tears running down his face.

***

It was 3 am when Matty awoke from a dreamless sleep. Amelia was now fully wearing his shirt, all buttoned up, and clinging to his body, her legs intertwined in his, her cheek against his stomach, as she slept. The lights were turned out all the way, so she must’ve woken up at some point and walked around the hotel suite. When he stretched out his arm to feel around for his phone, he felt a water bottle on the nightstand. At least she’d had some water. That’s a good sign. Or was he desperate for anything to convince him that she was alright? Did he not deserve to feel relieved yet? Would he ever? He felt weak looking down at her. He wanted to kiss her forehead, to take her pain away, but he had this unshakable feeling that he’d break her, hurt her, cause her harm, if he ever touched her again.

In the morning, his body felt cold without Amelia pressed up against him. He had one text on his phone. It hurt his eyes to read it before they’d blink away the sleep. Mia ❤️: had to leave for a work thing. I’m okay. Thank you.

This was the worst news that he could’ve woken up to. He slammed his head harshly against the pillow, a loud cry tore through his chest.

***

“Matty?” Adam stood in the doorway, smiling, as he watched Matty sprawled out on the floor, arranging his son’s toys in some sort of circle, mumbling to the kid as if they were engaged in a serious conversation. “It’s been a while, what’re you two up to?” Adam walked over to them.”

“We’re creating toy rankings” Matty said matter-of-factly. “You know, like the Premier League tables?”

Adam giggled, Shaking his head. “Okay; I know the baby can’t be THAT entertaining and I’m his dad. So, who or what are you hiding out here from? And why couldn’t you do it at your own house?”

Matty glanced at Adam briefly before returning his attention to the army of toys. “Not hiding.”

“It’s Amelia, isn’t it?” Adam sighed loudly, joining Matty on the floor and instantly taking his son into his lap. “What’ve you done this time?”

Matty ceased his fiddling, cocking his head in shame. “I- erm…I- maybe didn’t pay attention when I should have.” Saying it out loud began to help piece together the situation in his head. “She- was trying to let me know that- that she wasn’t alright. I completely missed it.”

“Don’t sound much like you.” Despite Adam’s concern, he put on a cheerful demeanor to keep his boy happy. The contrast between his face and his words gave the conversation an eerie feel. Marty found it mildly distressing, if fatherly and admirable.

“I know. I fucked things up. Badly.”

“Well, have you apologized to her?”

“I- I want to. I just….can’t look her in the eye. And…..well, if that’s how I feel - Can’t imagine how she must feel.”

Adam said nothing for a long moment. When he spoke again, Matty hadn’t expected him to still be on that train of thought. “Let me ask you this: do you and Amelia ever just….hang out?”

“What do you mean?”

“I mean, like, not for sex. Just- for the sake of hanging out.”

Matty rolled his eyes, insulted by the implications of the question. “Of course we do. All the fuckin time. We went to see a film not too long ago, and, she came to see the set when we were working on the designs for tour. She stayed at mine one night cuz she was too drunk to go home…..” Matty paused, catching his breath, “do you need the dates and times as well? The fuck is ‘do you hang out?’ What kind of question is that!”

“Matty,” Adam looked him straight in the eyes, noting that, by his defensiveness, Adam must’ve hit upon a sore subject. “this all happened before the two of you started….well, fucking. Have you spent any time together as friends since then?”

Matty’s lips instantly parted, he was about to respond with “of course we have! What a ridiculous thing to ask!!” But, as he thought about it, he realized that Adam was right. He and Amelia were no longer really friends. His expression shifted from offended to embarrassed.

“It’s not like you’re incapable of maintaining the friendship.” Adam consoled him. “You’ve slept with friends of yours and kept them as friends before. So, why won’t you do it with Amelia?”

“I-I don’t know. It’s not on purpose. The time has just not been right recently. It’s just the way things have been going. I’ve just been busy. You know this. Band stuff.”

“So you have time to fuck her, but you don’t have time to hang out with her?”

Matty winced unable to bare hearing that about himself. “Well, not when you put it like that….She came to me and asked for this! We made an agreement- it’s not like that! You’re making me sound like a fuckin creep.”

“Go.” Adam nodded towards the door. “Go on, go apologize to her. I gotta get this little man ready for bedtime, anyway. Uncle Matty’s gotta go.”

***

Amelia was stunned when she answered the door, “Matty, what are you-“

“May I come in?” He spoke too quickly, nerves taking over him.

It was late. Plus, Matty never came over unannounced. So, with some confusion and concern, she let him in.

“What’s all this?” She pointed to the bags in his hands.

“We’ll get to that in a minute.” He waved her question away, his eyes scanning the apartment that he’s been to countless times before, with new found novelty. Anything to avoid eye contact. “Wanted to- erm…” he stuttered, still looking around. “how- how’re you feeling? You know, af-after the other night?” Matty stumbled over his words. He’d imagined this conversation going differently in his head. He’d even practiced his words on the way over here. But now that he was standing in front of her, certainty and practiced delicacy had left him. He was terrified. “You left before we could talk…”

Amelia led the way to the kitchen, with Matty trailing sheepishly behind her. She helped him set down the bags l in the kitchen while she considered his question. The answer was too complicated. She shrugged. “I’m okay….I think? I don’t know. I don’t know how I’m feeling. One minute I’m fine, and the next….” She was surprised to feel herself get so emotional so quickly.

All Matty could think was. you did this. You hurt her. You’re the reason she feels this way. He wanted to pick up one of her kitchen knives off the counter and pierce it through his own heart.

“Let- let’s sit down somewhere? Is that alright?”

Amelia’s brows furrowed. It wasn’t like him to be so uncertain. “Sure.”

In the living room, the sat on opposite ends of the same couch, Matty nervously fiddling with the sleeve of his jacket. “So- I think….I think I know how you’re feeling and why it happened. Would you like to hear it?” He looked up at her, briefly.

She smiled nervously. “Sure- I mean, any ideas would be better than no ideas.”

“I think, well, I think we pushed you too far in the bathroom. I was a bit more aggressive than normal.” Matty’s voice got caught in his throat, so he paused, collecting himself. He was determined not to make this about himself and his feelings. He mustn’t speak unless he’s sure that he can control his tone.

“Y-yeah. I mean, I guess? The- umm, hair pulling, and the whole bending over thing…you being demanding. We’d never done any of that before.”

Matty nodded, “go-go on. It’s good. It’s good to hear you say these things.”

“Not sure what else to say.” She shrugged. “I mean, I liked it. All of it. It was just…a shock. Like, too many new things at the same time, you know?”

“Mhm…keep- keep going.” Matty was positively trembling.

“Ummm….I don’t know. That’s it I guess? It was just overwhelming for a moment. But for some reason it made things better. Like- when you told me to fade away from you and bend over? At first- I panicked-“

“Can I ask why?” His eyes shot up, meeting hers.

“Oh, gosh. This is embarrassing.” She mumbled under her breath. “Cuz- cuz I couldn’t see you. I like seeing your face. I like being able to tell that you were happy with me. That I was doing what you wanted me to do.” Her face turning read, she smiled. “But- the panic, it made the orgasm even better. I didn’t hate it, necessarily….it was just…a lot.”

Matty was tongue tied, his thoughts spiraling. He couldn’t find a beginning or an end to anchor himself to.

“Matty? Are you with me?” Amelia attempted to meet his gaze. “Honestly, I mean it! It didn’t hurt or feel unpleasant. I just-“

“Yeah, well, we’ve talked about this happening in theory.” Matty finally regained his footing. “Remember when I told you to read some shit about ‘subspace’ ? I think…..the excitement, the pain, the pleasure, the anxiety- perfect storm. A cocktail of Adrenalin and endorphins to push you over the edge.”

“Oh.”

“Would explain the sudden inability to speak…the overly emotional state, the….eagerness to do more.” Matty listed all the indications that he recalled her showing.

“Can I ask….Is that- umm….would it also happen to be why everything felt so…strong? Like lights and noises and stuff?”

Matty’s heart ached in his chest. He was sure that kitchen knife stab would be easier to take than this. “Fuck me…..yes, yes it would explain that as well.” He closed his eyes, willing the tears to stay where they are. “Anyway, so, I think, all of that, then throwing that new restrained position on you…demanding that you get me off…it may have been a mistake.” He ran a hand through his hair. “Not ‘may.’ It was a mistake. Definitely. It was my mistake. And I’m- I’m sorry.”

Amelia didn’t know how to feel about this new revelation. She was glad to have an explanation for how her body and her mind had felt, not to feel so helpless over her emotions, but she had no idea what to make of any of it.

“It gets worse.” Matty confessed. “Once you’d safe-worded, i- I should’ve done more. Been better. Taken better care of you.”

“Oh. No…matty you did good. I felt okay. I mean, not really, I was feeling entirely disconnected from my body, but-“

“Yeah that’d be the subspace psychology…”

“Like afterwards. I felt okay waking up the next morning. Just….confused and embarrassed.”

Matty laughed. “So…not okay.”

She smiled at him, “it’s really not that bad, looking back on it now…”

“I was scared. I owed you better. But I was scared that I’d hurt you. I suppose I- didn’t want to admit to myself that I’d missed all the signs. Let it get to a point where you had to tap out. And we hadn’t umm….we hadn’t made a real plan for what happens if you do tap out. I mean, we have our aftercare routine for afterwards….but, I should’ve anticipated that we’d both be in a completely different headspace if we stopped suddenly.” He shrugged. “I got lazy on you.”

“Matty-“

“I did! It’s true. I got complacent. Comfortable. Things were going so well that I didn’t think anything bad could ever happen between us. So- so I was less prepared!!! Even though im always on you about always being prepared. And speaking up. Fuck- what a hypocrite.”

“Matty, don’t say that!”

“I’ve failed you. And I’m so, so, sorry, Amelia.” Matty finally burst into tears. But it didn’t feel enough. He wanted to get on his knees and beg, bow down to her and tell her how much she didn’t deserve his negligence. How much he wishes it were the other way around.

Allowing himself a moment of release, Matty quickly wiped the tears from his eyes and jumped to his feet. “Anyway, erm….the bags in the kitchen. I- I brought some things that we could- I mean, if you’d allow me- and I completely understand if you’d rather not- to make it up to you….take care of you the way that I should have that night. I’ve bought some things. So we could see what you might like to have on hand for emergencies like that. That is….uhhh- if, of course, you’d ever let me touch you again.”

Amelia smiled. “Yeah, I’d like that very much.”

***

“Okay, and then…once you’re calm, well, I guess I’d wanna check for injuries or something.” Matty was running down a new checklist he’d created to ensure that not a single detail is ever lost on him again. “But, since, I’m days later now, and we didn’t use anything that could hurt you….I’ve drawn you a bath, so, if you’d go in there, and- You enjoy that while I get you some food and water.”

“You’d leave me?” Amelia’s voice sounded needier than she’d intended. “By myself?”

Matty was stumped. It was a good thing they were running this rehearsal. “I- erm…had assumed that you’d want some space.”

She shook her head passionately. “No, no! Not at all. All I wanted, that whole night, was you.”

Matty stood there, blinking rapidly, staring at her face. “Okay, then. I’ll sit by the bathtub? Keep you company…”

She stepped forward, hesitantly, decreasing the space between them. “Please get into the bath? With me?” Matty could tell, by the blushing in her face, that this wasn’t easy for her either. “Want you to hold me, please?”

Matty nodded, silently, and began to undress.

***

“Here, you can uhhh…you can have this to wear.”

Amelia looked down at his extended arm and the t shirt that he was offering, chuckling heartily. It was that old ragged brown t shirt that was not so oversized when he’d first bought it. “You love that horrific thing. It’s like your favorite, for some reason.”

“Yes, and you hate it, but it is my favorite, so….now, it’s yours. You know, to wear on days like that. For- I don’t know. Comfort? Not to be so presumptuous as-“

“Shut up and hand it over before I set it on fire or something.”

***

In bed, Matty wrapped his strong, thick arms around her, squeezing her tight, breathing in her hair. She held onto his bicep, her hand tiny in comparison, stroking his arm, up and down, running her fingers over his tattoos. This, she thought to herself, must be the safest place on earth.

With considerable effort, Amelia wiggled within Matty’s tight grip, turning around so she was face to face with him, wrapping her arms around his neck, and pulling herself closer to kiss him. For the first time ever, Matty was stiff to her touch, his lips passive. It wasn’t long before he pulled away, slightly.

“Amelia- what….we shouldn’t.” He whispered despite them being completely alone.

“Matty, please?”

“I don’t want to hurt you again.”

“You’re not going to.”

“It’d be wrong. To- to take advantage. You’re vulnerable right now, and-“

“So are you.” She placed a kiss to his cheek, smiling faintly as she watched his face grow red.

“It’s my job to protect you- we agreed, I’d be a safe trial. I-“

“Please, I need you. I didn’t get to make you feel good last time. Please? Don’t want you to get into the habit of treating me like glass, I’d hate that.”

When he said nothing in return, she kissed him again, and this time, he kissed her back, his arms easing their grip on her, hands lowering to grab her bum. She moaned softly, smiling against his lips.

Matty hovered over her, now naked, body dipping his head to leave gentle kisses all over her.

“Stunning, you are.” He kissed the space between her breasts; her eyes fluttered shut. “Perfect.” He kissed her a little lower this time. “Gorgeous.” He was halfway to her belly button. Her hands naturally moved to hold his curls between them, her breathing quick and shallow, more desperate the closer that he got to her core.

“So good for me,” he mumbled against her skin, his breath raising goosebumps all over her, which did not go unnoticed by Matty.

He grinned, reveling in his power over her body. “Gonna make you feel so good, darlin,’ I promise.”

“Oh, Matty…” she whined, “please do.” Her neck strained against the pillow; her entire body jolting when she felt Matty’s mouth, suddenly, at her clit. “Fuckkk! Yeah….”

Matty growled, smiling to himself. He forbade his other senses from feeling anything but her. His eyes shut, his ears focused only on her melodious sounds. A zealous worshipper, every breath he drew was all her, taking breaks only to kiss and nib the insides of her thighs, his armpinning her down, firmly, as she writhed and shook. Not even her reflexive pulls at his hair could deter him. He was determined to give all of himself to her.

“Sorry, erm…” he smiled, shyly. “Condom.”

She felt his sudden absence sorely, whining out and calling for him to hurry back.

“I know, I know. Sorry, love.”

She heard him wince and shuffle onto the bed and knew that he was back.

“You ready for me?”

“Mhm, please, please, I need you.”

Matty had to restrain himself from instantly pulling her into his arms to ravage his insatiable lust for her, reminding himself that he wanted this to be gentle, soft, precise, slow.

She felt the slow pressure and opened her eyes to watch him throw his head back in pleasure, a long and drawn out moan leaving his lips.

“Fuuuuckkk mee- Amelia. So, fffuckin good. So tight.”

Matty’s chest rose and fell rapidly as he began to thrust into her, soon finding his rhythm. Once he’d given himself a moment to adjust, his finger was back on her clit, gently stroking it the way he knows she needed.

“Ohhh my god, Matty…” she whimpered.

“I know, my love. I’ve got you.” He leaned forward, taking her hands in his and intertwining their fingers together. He laid on top of her, his chest pressed into hers with the full weight of his body.

“You feel s-so good.” He cried out, the overwhelming pleasure bringing tears to her eyes.

Matty kissing and sucking at the skin underneath her ear put her over the edge. She gasped, incoherently repeating “I- I’m gonna- cum…but it’s - it’s too much.”

“It’s okay, it’s okay. I’ve got you, darlin. Let go, it’s gonna feel g- oh my god- good.”

He felt both her hands squeeze his tightly and knew that she wouldn’t hold on much longer.

With a loud cry of his name, she gasped sweetly into his ear, and he felt her clench and gush around him, trembling as she came undone.

Matty himself couldn’t hold on for much either, her squeezing him tightly through her orgasm, sent his own waves of pleasure on the heels of hers, his head falling to her shoulder, he moaned softly, his eyelashes tickling her skin.

Matty thought he’d heard her whisper “I love you” into his ear as the rush of excitement flooded his mind.

***

Neither of them had the heart to be the one to pull away first, so they remained in that intermingled state, basking in the afterglow of that release, nothing but the hot air, and their rapid breathing mellowing out, in the room around them.

Amelia swallowed harshly, her mouth feeling dry even as her body glistened with hers and Matty’s sweat.

“I love you.” She said more clearly this time.

He couldn’t have mistaken her words this time. And if he had any doubt at all, the feeling of her heart beating furiously against his, after it had just calmed down, was unmistakable.

Matty remained perfectly still, his mind blank. It was it racing so quickly that it was impossible to hold onto any thought? He couldn’t tell the difference.

“Matty? I love you.” Amelia spoke again, helpless to stop herself. Now that it was spilling out of her, it was as if the floodgates had opened. She loves him. She loves him. She loves him….

[jinx-420]

Summer fling 2 - classic trick

Pt one - Summer fling

Summary: Your brothers childhood friend joins your family’s annual summer beach trip, nothing has changed between you two…right?

Warnings: brothers bsf Abby x fem reader, gets a teeny bit smutty, smoking weed, Abby calls reader princess like a billion times. this isn't proof read at all..

A/N : this was sitting in the drafts unfinished foreverrrr so I forced myself to write rq so I didn’t wanna leave y’all hangin for even longer 😍 I hope this one is good enough 🔥‼️

“Abby would you be a dear and wake her up, honey?” Abby politely agreed and put her focus on you, which doing so happened to keep her entertained the entire car ride. Your hair was slightly messy as you turned in your sleep. Abby would be lying if she said she hasn’t felt a little creepy staring at you sleeping for so long, but she just can’t stop looking at you, observing your features, wondering what your dreaming about. it almost gave abby a sense of nostalgia as she recalls when you were a kid, always falling asleep on road trips or whenever they had movie nights, which always ended with Jordan having to wake you up, leading you to become grumpy for the remainder of the movie. Abby wished she could be the one to wake you up every time, even though you had a known tendency to be grumpy when woken up, she didn’t care, if given the opportunity Abby would make you a perfect breakfast in bed in return for a kiss. (Not like she planned it out or anything) to be truthful Abby was slightly intimidated by the task of waking you, which is logical considering she had never woken you before, Jordan always rushing to annoy you. As Abby was picking at the reasons to not wake you up in her head, they were pulling into a gas station so Abby knew it was inevitable. She would just have to cross her fingers and hope for the best. She approached you gentle and brung her hand to your head, softly pushing your hair behind your ear before she moved her hands to your cheeks, gently caressing your face until your eyelids twitched, letting her know you would be waking up. You let out a gentle sign as your body started to wake up. With your barely conscious, blurry waking up brain, you snuggled into whatever the hell was so warm and comfortable.. which was Abby. Her brain practically short circuited seeing you getting very comfortable with her body. You snuggled your face on her waist, her shirt rising as you snuggle slightly deeper into the material, Abby feeling your face but more importantly lips on her waist. Abby felt pathetic the way you were making her feel like she was touch starved, she was always the one for that job. with other girls she was contained and abby always the one making them flustered, but with you it was a whole different story. Abby doesn’t comprehend how you seem to be making her a mess when you don’t even mean to, it’s honestly frustrating. even just last night Abby found herself almost loosing her composure with just having you touch her. She also is reminded of the fact that you got her so worked up and so fucking desperate for you, she couldn’t help but relieve all the ache you gave her after practically teasing her all night. Abby would also like to brush over the fact that she used your hoodie to get off, or just forget about the whole thing completely. “Is she awake yet” Jordan asks, snapping Abby out of her haze. “Oh she’s waking up” Abby says trying to play off the fact she zoned out staring at you. “Alright do you want to come with me in the gas station?” He asked while yawning. “Nah I’m good but can you get me a water and get her those smoothies she likes?” Abby said watching as he gets out of the car. “Yeah sure, be back in a sec” he says shutting the door softly, jogging up to your mom. Abby was so caught up in the conversation with Jordan she failed to realize you stirring in your sleep a bit.

“Cmon don’t give me a hard time wake up” Abby says with a giggle and squishing your cheeks together until you finally opened your eyes and gave her an unexpected hazy smile. “There she is, you get your beauty sleep princess ?” She says ruffling your hair. You playfully swat her hand away as you start to sit up, taking in the fact you were sleeping on her. “Oh shit, I’m sorry i didn’t plan to sleep that long..” you say as you look outside to see the dark skies. “Like I said last night, I don’t mind you snuggling up to me” Abby said with a little chuckle, seeing that you were slightly frantic. You had to admit this was the first time someone had woken you up that you didn’t want to kill them first thing you do, in fact you wished that abby would wake you up ever morning. Seeing that face first thing when you wake up, now that’s how you start the day.

“Anyways how’d you sleep?” Abby said staring relentlessly in the eyes that she missed so dearly. “Mmm you know it could be better” you say sarcastically with a teasing smile, staring the same way into her own eyes. “Oh is that so?” Abby said leaning back with her arms crossed together, manspreading an unnecessary amount. Although you were tempted more than anything to look at her arms or legs, you refuse to break eye contact. “Mhm” you say nodding your head. “If I was so uncomfortable then how come you just kept snuggling deeper and deeper into me hm?” Abby said with rasp at the end, making the eye contact almost unbearable, but you still didn’t give in. “Yeah right” you said feeling your face heating up, trying to play off how you knew it was most likely true. “Oh yeah? not like I have proof or anything..” abby said suspiciously looking around with a smile. “Abby I will kill you if you took a picture” you said, covering your face with your hands. you heard her trying to conceal her laugh and that’s when you looked back at her hesitantly. she was already pulling up the photo of you sleeping on her, snuggled right on her thighs and head slightly under her shirt. “Nuh. Uh.” You said in disbelief at her. “Your dead” you said through a giggle as you tried to reach her phone, after failing to swat her phone out of her hands a couple times you started to get closer, crawling so her leg was in between both of your knees. “Abby I’m serious.” You said failing to do so as she holds it in her hands giggling. You tried prying her fingers apart to get your phone but she didn’t let up. You let out a deep breath as you leaned your head against the seat, tired and accepting defeat that Abby would have the photo. Too busy staring at the stars, you miss the way Abby looks you up and down on her leg, paying extra attention to how your lips are parted, slightly out of breath, imagining this is how it would look after she fucked you. After a moment of silence you glance at Abby to see her giving you eyes that made her look drunk, slightly heavy while looking up at you. “What is it” you say quietly as if someone could hear you both, A smile growing across your face. Meanwhile Abby was far too deep in her thoughts to respond. Abby was going through possibility of you being into girls, she has always wondered. I mean you were the one to make Abby realize she liked women after all. She thought about all the times she tried to get something out of you to see any hint of your sexual orientation. It went from asking if you know who an openly gay person was, to picking a movie in which she knows there’s a lesbian sex scene. She would watch and observe you almost as much as the movie, trying to find any indication you liked it. And that’s exactly what she was doing right now, scanning your face to see any want in your eyes for her. “no use…” Abby said under her breath, not repeating herself when she heard you reciprocate a soft “hm?”.

you felt more confused than ever, did Abby say “no use” and if so why? You were silently staring at her trying to see where it came from. It’s not like your bad at reading people’s emotions, you have always been good at it especially with people important to you, So why couldn’t you read Abby ? Maybe it was a mix of not wanting to assume anything crazy and also that she changed?

“Hey guys, got your drinks”

———————————————————

You were peacefully reading your book, only calming your mind down from everything with Abby just a short while ago. “Gotcha” Jordan says cackling like a witch as he snatched your book away from you. “Ohmygod you’re such a dick give it back” you say rushed before you lean over the seat to achieve your book once again, quickly sitting back down. he should know you don’t play around with your books. You let out a sigh as you recognize that Abby was particularly quiet when this ordeal happened. You glance over at her but didn’t suspect her to still be on her phone, uncaring. This behavior wasn’t like Abby, you don’t remember one time where she didn’t stick up for you or help you when your brother would pick on you but she didn’t even look.. is something still wrong from earlier ? If there’s one thing you absolutely hate, it’s when someone is mad at you and you don’t know why. You plan to sort this out as soon as you can, you hate that she’s the only thing you can think about right now.

Obviously, too zoned out to notice practically anything right now, the thing that caught you out of your trance wasn’t your mom and brother cheering at our arrival to the vacation house, it wasn’t the bumps on the bridge you were crossing, and it wasn’t the bright view of the sunrise above the ocean water. It was her, giving you those same damn eyes again. With all this time in the car you have had more than enough time to think things over, I mean cmon who looks at their childhood friends like that? You can’t be imagining things.

It felt like it was just the two of you, stuck in a trance together. If things could get any better, it definitely just did. her desperate eyes rake over your body, her lips separating as she lets out a rushed breath. she looks back into your eyes, seeing your face all flushed and the same desperate look in your eyes. You wish more than anything to stay in your own little world like this forever with Abby but your brother had to ruin it once again.

“Me and Abby get the biggest room”

He says as he climbs out of the car.

Your mom looks at Jordan as she’s stepping out of the car conflicted. “Oh about that honey, I think it would be best if two girls had the same room..”

Jordan looks at you both and your mom confused. “Just for sleeping Jordan, she can stay as long as she wants with you just not in the same bed” Jordan rolls his eyes before shutting the door to get his luggage.

You took a breath before starting to sit up and leave the car before you feel a firm hand on your shoulder holding you down. “Don’t worry, we’ll have lots fun princess” she said leaned into you in a quiet voice, lifting her hand off your shoulder. You felt so intimidated by her, those fucking eyes kill you. Not to mention when she touches you it does things to you that you don’t understand. You silently pray things will go your way this beach trip.

———————————————————

It had been hours since everyone got packed in and comfy, the sun already set and stars starting to come out. As you sit on the balcony outside your room the smell of the ocean as the summer breeze hits you brings you back to every year you come here. You would like to focus on these memories but of course, abby intrudes your mind, specifically the fact that you two will be sharing a bed this whole trip. (not that your complaining) the only thing that scared you with her was the fact that you not only grew up with her, but she’s practically your family, which is off limits. “watcha doin out here” a much too familiar voice comes from behind you. “Just lookin” you said simply as you keep your eyes on the sky above you. “Looking at the stars?” Abby says coming closer. “Looking at how perfect it is here” you said looking at her next to you. The light from the moon illuminating her face and making her the most perfect thing here. Abby adored the way you would stare at her in moments like these, but she had to look away in order to not embarrass herself again. “What time is it?” Abby said as she stood next to you. You looked at her side profile and took in her appearance for a second, she was wearing a grey muscle shirt and black sweatpants. Before you were caught staring too long you looked at your phone to check the time. “11pm” you said while clicking your phone back off. She let out a hum and it went silent, both of you looking at the stars above you. Atleast that’s what you think, abby was far too busy staring at you. You were observing the little craters in the moon before you felt your body being lifted across her shoulder, making you shriek her name before giggling. Abby took it upon herself to sit down in the chair you were once sitting on and placed you right on her lap, your legs straddling hers, her arms snaking around your waist tightly, locking you onto her. You look at her as you move a bit in her lap, “not comfy ?” She asked with her eyebrows slightly concerned. You opened your mouth to respond before she pulled your lower back further on her lap, pressed fully against each other. You closed your mouth quickly to stop any noises to come out from the friction of her practically grinding you onto her. No way you would survive a whole month of this. “You wanna smoke?” Abby said casually like this was nothing as she tilts her head against you looking like a puppy dog. You nod your head almost hypnotized on her. She smiles with her teeth digging into her bottom lip, reaching in her pockets and pulling out a joint and a lighter. She placed the joint in between your lips and lit the end as you inhaled, the smoke in your lungs comforting you already. She takes the joint and takes a hit herself, blowing it away from you before leaning in to give you another hit. As you inhaled Abby pointed and said loudly “Shark !!!”your eyes went wide at her outburst as you start to cough on the smoke. You begin laughing as you see her smile and punch her slightly on the arm. “Asshole”

The both of you stayed out there for hours, talking about anything and everything.

———————————————————

“Hey, you fallin asleep again?”

Abby said in a level just above a whisper, everyone else asleep in the house. “Pshhh me? I never fall asleep” you said yawning mid sentence, making you both giggle an absurd amount. “You know what I was thinkin?” She said still giggling. “Oh god up to no good” you say hiding in her chest tearing up from all the high laughs. “We never did that prank on Jordan, I say now’s the perfect time” she said raising her eyebrows at the last bit. Your eyes widen at her words remembering the forgotten prank. “I’ll get the water” you said quickly, ready to get some payback. You attempted to raise yourself off of Abby before she pulled you back onto her, once again pulling your lower back to be against her. “Easy tiger, don’t you think we could do better than the classic trick” abby said finger quoting the end. “You’re so right. What are you thinkin ?” You said curious to what trick would be better. Abby looked around pondering before raising her brows. “Man.. I got a great one but I don’t think you can handle it.” She said slightly teasing you, blowing air out of her puffed cheeks and looking up. “oh shut up I can handle anything” you say shocked that she thinks you can’t handle a little prank, it was a little prank right? You thought before she tsked and looked you right in the eyes “how mad do you want him to be” Abby asked, eyebrows raised waiting for your answer. “Mad.” You said widening your eyes. Abby observed your face for a minute before responding. “Let’s make him think we’re fucking right next to him” your mouth falls open as you stifle a laugh. “And how are we ganna do that” you say in disbelief. “Well.. let’s go in his room, and then we’ll “fuck”and wake him up. Boom. Simple.” Abby said waiting for your reaction before laughing. “Relax, he will only be mad for a few seconds” she said still waiting for your response, biting her lip. “Fuck it” you said throwing your hands up laughing with Abby. “Atta girl” she said before reaching under your thighs holding you on her while standing up. God if Abby keeps it up with these praises your ganna go crazy. Abby steps into his room to hear his snoring and you immediately spot his led light and point to it making Abby chuckle, she switches it from the current color : blue, and change it to red. Abby walks over to the couch in his room and lays you down on it gently, picking up a blanket next to you before covering your legs in it. “I’m not cold abby” you said slightly confused. Abby looked at you briefly before sitting down infront of your legs “the blankets not there for heat babe” she says with a wink. Your face flushes realizing what you’re going to have to do to wake him up. as she put her arms under the blanket to spread your legs. “If everything goes to plan, we do this and he gets mad when he lifts up the blanket I’ll take a picture of his face” Abby said smiling and waiting for your response. if Abby knew all she had to do was a simple prank to get in between your thighs then this would be the “classic trick”

“Why can’t I be the one in the blanket” you said softly sitting up to meet Abby’s face. She scoffed before speaking in a raspy whisper “because which one of use looks like a pussy eater and which one of us looks like a pillow princess.” She said with a brief innocent smile. Your mouth was left open as you process her words, does Abby not know your lesbian? You’ve got to be joking. “Looks can be deceiving..” you say looking away with your lips to the side. Abby thought she was hearing things, “what’s that suppose to mean” Abby says quickly, Desperate for any clue you could want her. “Your not the only one that eats pussy is what I mean, Abby. And trust me. I am not a pillow princess.” You say simply stating facts. Nothing in the world could have possibly prepared Abby for what she was hearing. All this time you were lesbian? And from the sound of it as big as a lesbian as her? Abby’s head was spinning as she felt her face catch on fire and struggle to speak. Abby felt weak as she stared into your eyes, the eyes that didn’t know how wet she just made her, and just how much more Abby needed you. You loved seeing Abby in this state, it was definitely a rare sight and god you weren’t complaining one bit. Seeing her flustered was one thing but knowing that you caused it, filled you with feelings of pride and possessiveness that you want to keep feeling. “Abby” you whispered inching closer to her face. she had the same look on her face from the car, desperate. “Mhm” she responded, her eyes on at your lips. “Can I kiss y-“ Before being able to even finish your sentence Abby puts her hands on each side of your face and closes the space in between you. Finally feeling the lips you’ve thought about all these years felt like a drug, and you needed more. You put your much smaller hands on top of hers and moved your lips with hers like it would be the last time, your teeth grazed her puffy bottom lip before sliding your tongue over it making Abby audibly whimper. You felt like you were going to explode if you didn’t feel more of her soon, especially after hearing her whimpering. You pulled away to catch your breath to see a sight that defeated the purpose of doing so, Abby looking all fucked out with her puffy dark lips and flushed face. And those fucking eyes. She swallowed before speaking up in a voice that was pure lust. “Fuck this prank, strip.”

[riddle-me-ri]

a/n: don't mind me being super self indulgent again asdfgh. I just really enjoyed the dynamic I made in Zeroing In with Bigby and a singer/performing reader. I may or may not make a smutty part two we will see lol. Hope y’all enjoy!

Content Warning: Strong language, attempted sexual assault, brief mentions of sexual harrassment, some violence.

Word Count: 2.3 k

Bigby Wolf x F!Reader - Take Me Home

As a long time performer, you know how to work the crowd with your musical numbers.

You knew you should probably be looking around and engaging with other audience members.

You just couldn't help it though.

Especially when he was around and seemed to genuinely be enjoying himself for once.

Bigby Wolf kept his word when he said he would come around and see you perform whenever he had a chance and not just show up searching for perps.

He's managed to come by at least once every other week, and needless to say, it always was the highlight of your week.

You two have tried to make plans outside of both your work schedules, but it's been difficult to manage between the long nights you both kept and Bigby occasionally dipping in and out of the picture.

Don't let him be on a case either. He stays clear of you like a bad omen. You know he's worried about getting you somehow involved in whatever the case entails, but you did wish he could share more of his worries onto you so he didn't have to carry so much.

You two managed to settle somehow with these interludes of eye contact and small knowing smiles.

At least until one night when you weren't smiling anymore.

During your act, you got close to the edge of the stage and teased those up front, just like any other night–

Until you felt a sweaty palm clamp around your ankle and almost yank you into the audience below.

You barely remember hazy glimpses of everything that happened afterward.

A shrill sound rang through the live band and filled the club.

It took hours later for you to realize that was…you…screaming in shock.

The man's other hand barely touched your inner thigh, clear intent of fully grabbing and dragging you into his lap until he instantly let go.

Before you even tried to push the man's hands away, he let go.

You saw Bigby hovering over the man.

He had slammed the man's face into the hard wood table, the cheap white linen doing nothing to comfort the assault as it started to stain with blood.

You caught a glimpse of yellow in Bigby’s eyes.

You couldn't make out any words anyone was saying. It was all a murmuring cacophony of surprised, worried, and tense patrons.

Your skin ran cold, and your breathing hitched.

The next thing you recall was getting up and darting back towards your dressing room.

Anything to get away from what just happened.

~

“Aww man, I think you broke my fucking nose.”

“You're lucky I don't break every bone in your goddamn body, starting with your grimy little hands.” Bigby snarled, with half a mind to slam the asshole's face again.

He did settle for twisting the guy’s arm tighter as he slapped handcuffs on him.

“Hey, hey, what the fuck man? I didn't do nothin’!” The man defended as he tried to sit back up, blood dripping down his nose and over his lips.

“You touched her inappropriately, pretty sure that files under assault.” Bigby roughly lifted the man up from his seat and dropped him to his feet, causing the man to stumble some.

“Oh please, she was teasing me! Practically asking for it!” The man spat as he got his footing before Bigby dragged him out of the club.

Bigby tried to keep his growl down but whether or not he succeeded he frankly didn't care at the time.

At least until he was out of public view.

As the two began the walk to the Woodland and the coast was clear, Bigby snatched the man by the baby hairs on the back of his neck and pulled his head back.

The man yelped in pain.

“Listen here fucker, she didn't ask you for fucking shit. She was doing her job, last thing she needs is a bunch of grabby dickheads like you that can't keep his hands to him-fucking-self.”

“Is she your’s?”

Bigby blinked. “What?”

“You fuckin’ her or somethin’, Wolf? Never seen you get all up in arms over some whore.”

Bigby dragged the man into a nearby alley and smacked the man's body and face directly against a damp cold brick wall.

“Ow! The fuck man, you-aaah?” The man winced in pain as claws began protruding from Bigby's fingers, pricking the skin of the man's neck.

“Listen here, you sorry piece of shit. Doesn't fucking matter who she's with or what she does. You don't get to fucking touch her–you don't get to do what you damn well please. Understand?” Bigby growled, his teeth slowly growing into the “what big teeth you have,” territory.

For the first time since the encounter started, the man began quivering in terror.

“Y-y-yeah, yeah, understood…just-just do what you gotta do…please don't hurt me, man, please! It was a mistake, h-honest!”

Bigby got closer to the man's face one last time and snarled. A final warning.

Usually, Bigby would feel bad about making anyone beg for him not to hurt them. He'd be disappointed that they would automatically assume he would.

For this guy however, he wanted to muster up that same level of fear you likely felt when he grabbed you and then some.

Bigby backed off once he began smelling the unmistakable hint of piss through the night air.

“Just keep your mouth shut the rest of the way, or it'll be the last mistake you ever make.”

The quicker he locked this asshole up, the quicker he could get back to check up on you.

~

You sat there in front of your vanity with your head hung low and the lights dimmed.

Still frazzled and stunned from the moment.

Somehow, the man's slimy touch lingered on your skin, and you wanted nothing more than to dip your leg into some kind of disinfecting acid.

You took a deep breath and admitted that the second best option besides the acid is to go home and take a long scolding shower until the hot water ran out.

You rose from your seat and began shedding your clothes that used to make you feel so confident and sexy…but in the moment you just felt disgusted.

Then you heard a knock.

You assumed it was your boss checking on you. “I'll be out in a minute, Carol…just gimme a second..”

“Uhh…it's Bigby.”

You freezed for the second time that night.

You had completely forgotten about him. Until his voice reminded you of what he did, how he saved you, how he looked when he did it.

“Bigby? Oh, uh, hang on.” You darted across your dressing room and snatched a silky maroon robe that hung over your dressing screen.

You took a deep breath, a desperate attempt to calm your shot nerves.

Suddenly, a comforting warmth draped over your body as you laid eyes on Bigby. Like somehow, he could protect you from this lingering fear that resonated in you like he did before when it happened.

“H-Hey…”

“Hey,” he responded. “I wanted to check in on ya…how are you holding up?”

You gulped. “F-Fine I suppose, all things considered…I know it could have been worse, and I always knew I was at risk, but nothing prepares you for when it happens, you know?”

“Yeah, but you shouldn't feel at risk for something you do for a living.”

You exhaled a chuckle. “Says the sheriff who's at risk quite literally all the time.”

Bigby shook his head. “You know what I mean. That asshole had no right to be touching you…”

He sighed. “What happened tonight was not your fault…I hope you know that at the very least.”

You hugged your arms around yourself, your hands sliding up and down your upper arms as you gazed at the floor. “Yeah, I know…”

There was a beat of silence before you felt a warm hand lightly squeeze your shoulder. You followed the hand with bruised knuckles back to Bigby's face.

One of your hands came up and rested on top of his hand that was on your shoulder.

“Thank you, Bigby…” You squeezed his hand back gratefully. “At the end of the day…I'm just grateful that you were there.”

Bigby can't recall the last time anyone ever said those words about him or his help. He always made things worse, more difficult, or made Fables regretful for getting him involved.

It felt nice to be appreciated, and it felt even more sweet and genuine coming from you.

“I'm glad I was there too…”

He allowed you to drag your soft thumb along his knuckles for a moment. Both of you enjoyed the soothing silence and close proximity. You found yourself feeling more at ease each second he was there.

Until a question popped into your mind. “C-Can I ask what happened to him? Like where he is now?” Suddenly, the thought of trekking home became cumbersome.

“I've got him in a holding cell for now. I'll be presenting the case to the Business Office tomorrow morning some time…”

Bigby reluctantly pulled his hand back, you already missing its warmth and soothing weight.

“Although, full disclosure, even if he is found guilty… the time and punishment for sexual harassment is ridiculously short and sweet…”

You nodded. “I had a feeling, but Carol told me he won't be coming around anymore. She has started a banned list and is trying to invest in more security.”

“If you need me to…”

“Bigby, I can't ask you to do that. You already have every other Fable to worry about…”

“I do, but you come first….or at least that's how I wish it could be, if I can help it.”

You blinked, your mind racing with countless meanings to what he was implying.

“Besides, I think you're the only one that really appreciates my help anyhow.” Bigby muttered into his shoulder, but still clear enough for you to hear.

“I'll always appreciate you Bigby…like how I appreciate your offer, but I still can't ask you to do that…I know you will protect me when you can and that I can rely on you and honestly in the world we live in now, that's more than enough.”

Your heart swelled at the soft smile that stretched across his face.

“I guess I can accept that.” He reluctantly conceded. “Is there at least anything I can do for you now? Anything at all before we both call it a night?”

After talking to him, you have begun to feel much calmer, like you could shake off tonight's events. You know you could have gotten to that point yourself, but Bigby made it a whole lot easier and quicker.

You almost felt childish and selfish for this request, but you didn't want the opportunity to have him to yourself longer pass.

“I, uh, still have to walk home….if you don't mind walking with me? It's not far from the Woodland, just one block before it…”

“You don't have to convince me, and I did say anything. Just let me know when you're ready.” He offered a sincere smile.

“You wanna wait inside? I didn't even realize I didn't invite you in.” You giggled as you realized he was still standing in the hallway across the threshold of your dressing room door.

“Uhh…sure, if you're fine with it.” Bigby walked in and took a slow glance over your dressing room.

“More than fine. Here, you can have a seat on the sofa over there. I just gotta change real quick.” You explained as you rounded the corner and went behind your dressing screen.

You couldn't fight the pep in your step, having him back in your vicinity. You didn't feel on edge or uncomfortable to be yourself. You felt safe.

Bigby kept looking around. He was observant to a fault, especially thanks to his senses that don't let him miss anything.

He noticed the Polaroids of you and likely your co-workers and friends bordered along your vanity mirror.

He took note of a couple empty bottles that were in your trash can, he deduced it must be a favorite of yours.

He also caught an almost empty container of your body spray that was the source of your sweet scent.

Not that he'd say it out loud, but if you asked him you didn't need the spray, your own scent was intoxicating on its own.

Bigby shuffled a bit in his seat as your own smell became more prominent once he saw your robe hanging over the screen folds you hid behind.

He kept darting his eyes around the room, trying to distract himself from thinking of you so intimately despite the close quarters and the small distance between him and your naked form.

Bigby shook his head to try and shake the thoughts out. He doesn't want to screw this up, not like how he always does. You've been through enough as it is.

Thankfully, you came out soon from behind the screen. You wore a long sleeve sweater of your favorite color that revealed your shoulders and some pants.

“All right, I'm ready…thanks again, Bigby.” You stood in front of him and rubbed your hand up and down your arm, playing with the sleeve.

“Hey, like I said.” He stood up at his full height, and you had to look up instead of down at him. “Not a problem.”

He walked over to the door and swiftly opened the door. “After you…”

“Why thank you, sir.” You giggled bemused before walking out the door with Bigby walking beside you.

Carol waved to both of you and told you to take the next couple of days off to recover and not worry about anything.

You sighed. Another small weight taken off your shoulder, you weren't sure if you would be able to get back on stage, so it was relieving to hear you had the next couple of days off.

As you and Bigby exited the building, the cold night air hit both of you. Almost instinctively, you grabbed for Bigby's hand, who didn't seem to mind, and gently returned the grasp.

Bigby gave you a supportive nudge.

“Well, lead the way…”

[thatsthewrongwallcraig]

Track Marks And Dial Tones V

Summary: Agent Rohr keeps pushing, are you going to cave? Meanwhile, Clay is fighting his very own demons.

Pairing: Clay Roach x afab!cop!Reader

Word Count: ~1.5k (short but dense!)

Content Warnings: Dead Dove Do Not Eat 18+!, Drug Paraphernalia, Agent Rohr, Emotional Distress, Explicit Withdrawal Descriptions

A/N: Genuinely can’t believe this is actually happening rn. I’m back in the fucking building.

Find The Other Parts Here!

Tagging the horde: (Y’all….it’s been a hot minute. I don’t know who’s still active)

@crypticsewerslut @quicksilversg1rl @icarus-star @milaeth @roryculkinsgf @spookyorchid @arch1viste @whoareyoi @angelsanarchy @blueberrypancakesworld @rocketqueen-world @lifelessvessel @doddernix @svgarcaine @amayalul @basementgrl222 @kristennero-wallacewellsver @iiheartsai @fan-goddess @shady-the-simp @starry-eyed-wild-child

All we are is entertainment

Caught up in our own derangement

Tell us what to say and what to do

- Entertainment By Rise Against

You gagged; a myriad of rotten cardboard boxes wearing a now brown-tinted strawberry print rumbled into the blackened trash bag as you jerked the overflowing bin upside down, various stages of decomposition on full display. In your means to clean this place, you had quickly learned to be grateful if the task at hand was only about picking up brightly orange needle caps or tossed and scattered Fent strips.

“We gonna get you a chore planner, Clay.”, The words trickled into the dusty and thoroughly musty air as if he was right there with you and not miles away, pushing himself through an unmedicated living nightmare, “I swear, I’ll bust your balls if it ever gets that bad again!”

The deadpan statement coaxed a shallow, quick laugh to roll over your tongue chased by a heavy pang of anxiety cutting right through your stomach as you remembered just how fucking bad it had gotten on your end now, too. 

It’s been days since Rohr has had the audacity to show up at your own house to shove his nose into business that wasn’t his in no way shape or form. However, he’d made a point; HR wouldn’t like your little stunt at all, no matter how hard you were to push the harm reduction agenda, pleading for humility and understanding in front of people who’d be more than pissed about the financial hassle of hundreds of missing test kits.

Just the thought of this shit-eating grin beaming right at you from the opposite end of your kitchen table whilst he’d drawn out photograph after photograph to punch his point down your throat a little harder with each picture rendered you sick to the bone and had your insides twitching in every possible direction. There wouldn’t be an easy way out of this, that much you knew, yet, risking Clay’s already fragile chance of actual sobriety was no point of discussion to be had for it being blatantly out of question. It had to happen, had to work out, and then… then it would all be good again; calming little white lies you told yourself to keep that last shred of sanity alive and fed somehow. 

You forced your attention to return to the now plump trashbag, once hollow edges rounding with the sheer amount of strawberry milk boxes, if they’d let you, you’d bring some full ones to the facility soon in the hopes that the little things might make it more bearable for him. 

During the past nights, you’d spent hours upon hours staring at your ceiling wondering, your thoughts conjuring images of pain levels you hadn’t felt yourself, not even when inflicting it upon yourself. Simply the mere train of thought about Clay going through days of crippling withdrawal shook you, made you flinch without any physical incentive to do so around you, wishing that you could help him carry the weight and pain in whatever ways possible.

The mobile device in your pocket buzzed, announcing a text that was waiting to be read. The sudden bzz-bzz humming through the fabric of your pants nearly had you crawling out of your own skin for a second, your ribcage exploding from the sudden jolt of adrenaline.

“Jesus, fuck!” You huffed out in a raggedy breath, dragging your phone from its confines, display lighting up with the touch of your thumb.

- Hey, sweets, I’m free tonight, just saying. Are you going to be? -

“Motherfucker!” The need to throw your phone at the next best wall rippled through your arm but you kept your composure, trashing your mobile over a text from that asshole wasn’t exactly on your to-do list, not today and not in the near future either.

His entire ribcage cramped, shrunk together as his stomach pumped a new wave of bile upward his esophagus to wash around the root of his tongue and eventually gush free from parted lips, the acidic amalgamation of mucus and foodless vomit slumping down into the pristinely white toilet bowl, the scent of harsh chlorine cleaning solution burning it’s way into his overstimulated nostrils.

Clay felt sick like a dog, sick to a degree the term “dope sick” didn’t even fully convey the level of misery his body and mind were going through as the wash of throat-burning barf left his trembling statue. The lump thumbed down in a dull thud as he reached for the button to flush it all down just like everything that had left his body beforehand already; trembling fingers barely able to push against the mechanics with enough vigor.

After he’d wiped quivering lips with a bunched-up fistful of cheap and coarse toilet paper, Clay slumped back down onto his heels, lungs burning with the attempts to gasp for air after it had felt like the mucus and puke damn near choked him out. His eyes burned and his entire vision was blurred with the intense amounts of pressure throbbing through his skull every time his stomach contracted with the means to violently eject the few crumbs Clay had managed to shove down for breakfast.

“Peak between 48 and 72 hours, my fucking ass.”, Dry lips smacked against each other, the sensitive skin brittle and chapped, “It’s been 5 days, you fuckers.”

Clay’s already sore voice broke off almost immediately, turned into a pathetic, whimpery croak as a surge of violent tears oozed from his lashline. He knew he could push through it, it wasn’t exactly his first rodeo, however, the helplessness of it all that had his body trembling, muscles aching and joints feeling like they were about to break apart got to him. He couldn’t help it and the trivial, set-in-stone-fact drove him to the edge of crumbling.

Unless inevitably medically necessary, this facility had a strict no-medication policy. No helping hand, no little pick-me-up besides vegetable snack plates and smoothies, fucking smoothies. Clay could’ve sworn to still taste the biting hint of celery that ruined damn near everything in larger quantities, especially now that the deep green liquid had found its path all the way back since ingesting it in a faint moment of hope along the afternoon hours. 

With a long groan rolling over his tongue, Clay let his head loll back against the uncomfortably bright white tiles of his adjoined bathroom, thinking about a cheeseburger and fries. For a little while, his thoughts stayed there as he slid down from his heels onto his ass, pulling his knees underneath his chin to rest his head upon. Greasy, salty goodness with an extra large diet coke for that nice crisp and tingly feeling dancing amongst his ketchup and mustard battered tastebuds. Fucking smoothies.

He closed his eyes, wiping the wetness from his cheeks on gray hoodie sleeves. The piece of clothing felt like a warm, comforting hug, all cozy and fuzzy on the inside. Clay pushed his face into the fabric, the thick cloth blacking out the harsh bright light from above, and he sighed in relief, a faint smile ghosting around his mouth. He was thankful; thankful for you packing that duffle bag for him, thankful for the sploppily put together grilled cheese that had tasted like heaven, and grateful for that black and purple polka-dotted cup filled with hot chocolate.

Clay knew that he didn’t owe you anything, you weren’t that type of person to push your thumb onto all the good that you’d done until someone gave you a badge of honor for it, no, nonetheless, almost all of his motivations to go through with this led back to you, back to you crouching in front of him whilst he had sluggishly come to, back to how you’d held him, dragged him to your car and took matters into your own hands because everything had eventually slipped from his that night. 

[mephsworks]

Dance Magic

Swiss x Phantom - Fluff

Summary: Phantom is sad and it’s making Swiss sad, so he attempts to cheer up him up.

Word count: 700+

Author’s note: It’s short and anticlimactic, and I wish it were longer, but my sibling has been singing this song for weeks and it gave me ideas I wanted to get out. Hope at least two of y’all like it lol

✩̣̣̣̣̣ͯ┄•͙✧⃝•͙┄✩ͯ•͙͙✧⃝•͙͙✩ͯ

“Bug,” Swiss sighed, putting a hand on his hip and running his fingers through his hair, “Will you please just—”

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” Phantom grouched, rolling onto his side and turning his back to Swiss, his tail thrashing about with annoyance as he curled up on his bed.

Swiss exhaled again, his own tail curling into a knot with worry as he folded his arms over his chest. It made him hurt when Phantom was hurting, even more so when Phantom tried to cut people off, not wanting to talk about what’s bothering him. It left Swiss’ mind brewing with possibilities, none of which he liked.

“…Is it… something that I did?” He asked cautiously.

“What? No!” Phantom sat up suddenly to face Swiss, “You didn’t do anything! It’s just… I…Ugh.” Phantom scoffed and flopped onto his back, grabbing a pillow and pressing it into his face to huff into it, “Just… Leave me alone, please? I said I didn’t want to talk about it!” He repeated as his voice cracked a bit and as the pillow muffled him a little, phantom trying with all his might to not cry.

Swiss’ frown deepened. He felt like complete shit. More than anything, he wanted to make Phantom feel better, to make this dark cloud that loomed over Phantom fade away, but he didn’t know how… That was until he caught sight of Phantom’s Bluetooth speaker, sitting right on the nightstand. He had an idea, and he hoped it worked.

Right away, he turned on the speaker and connected it to his phone. At the sound of the robotic bloops and blips of the speaker powering up and linking with a connection, Phantom’s ears perked up slightly and he moved the pillow from his face only just a bit, just to peek at Swiss to see what he was doing.

Swiss was grinning from ear to ear as he began looking for the perfect song to play, his tail nearly wagging as he found it.

“You remind me of the babe.”

“What babe?—”

“The babe with the power.”

“What power?—”

Swiss began to dance and sing along, eliciting a long groan from Phantom. “Swiss… Really?” He huffed, burying his face deeper into the pillow, pulling it slightly to make the pillow cover his ears. But Swiss ignored him, still singing.

“—The power of voodoo!”

“Who do?—”

“Swiss…”

“You do!”

“Do what?”

“Remind me of the babe.”

“Swiss!” Phantom yelled through the pillow with a snarl, “Enough! Please!” He gripped the pillow tighter, trying to drown out the noise.

“I saw my baby—” Swiss plopped himself down onto Phantom’s bed, yanking the pillow from Phantom, “—Crying hard as babe could cry! What could I do?”

Phantom growled, turning his back to face Swiss again, his tail twitching with irritation.

“My baby’s love had gone, and left my baby blue!” Swiss continued, poking around at Phantom’s torso to annoy him further, “Nobody knew! What kind of magic spell to use?”

“Stop it!” Phantom swatted at Swiss’ hands, stifling a snicker and trying to keep his agitated front. Swiss saw though Phantom, however, so he laughed at him.

“C’mon, get your ass up!” Swiss tugged at Phantom’s arms, trying to pull him up with a firm grip.

“I said fuck off!” Phantom groaned once more, uselessly fighting back against the multi-ghoul. Soon Phantom was on his feet, trying to dig them into the carpet to keep Swiss from dragging him away to no avail. He let out a small yelp as he was spun around and pulled flush against Swiss’ chest, causing his cheeks to flush.

As the chorus began, Swiss swayed with Phantom to the rhythm, holding the smaller ghoul tighter as he continued to sing along. As Swiss twirled Phantom again, the quint ghoul couldn’t help but let out a small laugh.

“There we go!” Swiss’ grin widened impossibly so as Phantom began to dance with him, relieved that Phantom didn’t seem so sad anymore.

And there they were, those eyes of Phantom’s, glimmering like stars, his lower eyelids wrinkling as he beamed at Swiss, causing Swiss’ heart to feel as if it were growing in his chest, burning hotter and hotter as he gazed down at the smaller ghoul, being reminded once more of just how much he was in love with his bug.

Soon, their lips locked, their bodies pressed impossibly close together, pointed tails entwining. It felt as if an eternity had passed before they separated, their lungs starting to ache for air.

“Hey,” Swiss began, speaking softly, “You feel comfortable enough to tell me what happened?”

Phantom snickered and shrugged, “I can’t remember. Hey!—” He let out a huff as Swiss ruffled his hair.

[lexirambles]

Eyo, welcome to the second post of this blog 🎉🎉🎉🎉

The Undertale Yellow brainrot is SO bad that I’ve gone and made an UTY au. Wanna hear about it? Of course you do, who would you be here if you didn’t! If you don’t, then leave sucka, I’m here to FUCK!

So y’all know me, I’m a giant Ceroba fan, simp, and apologist. This fandom be shitting on her and I cannot STAND for this INJUSTICE! So, I sat down and thought “hey, how about we entertain that idea. What if Ceroba didn’t inject Kanako?” And it just spiraled into an entirely different universe of its own. So here we are, I’m way too deep, I’m just gonna dive in.

So, we all know the context, ye? Chujin is veeeeery dead, leaving Ceroba and Kanako to pick up the pieces of his work. This time, when Kanako offers herself as the boss monster vessel, Ceroba denies, not wanting to risk the only family she has left and wanting to respect Chujin’s last wishes. Kanako is upset by this, even staring an arguement between the two and Kanako even trying to steal the vile, but who can blame them in such a tense situation. One thing that’s bothered me on this whole argument is that Kanako was manipulated into her decision, or didn’t understand what she was doing, when she clearly did. She saw the consequences first hand, it look her father for crying out loud, she knew it could take her as well. Adolescents are reckless, and will fight like hell to get what they want, especially if they strongly believe in it. I think Kanako is far older and more mature then we think, I personally enturpret her as 15 or 16 at the time of her falling down. I don’t see no striped shirt on that kit!

So now what are we left with? They can’t just go find another boss monsters, they’re very rare, and most don’t even know if they are apart of that minority. So, we got two options; Asgore or Toriel. No way in HELL Toriel would agree, and I don’t think anyone even knows where Toriel went to. So we have Asgore. Wheeler he goes along with it or not is… debatable. He wants the best for his subjects, and would do anything to get out of this one sided war with humans. But this isn’t an alternative to breaking the barrier, it’s a back up plan for if history repeats itself. It could save many monsters lives, but would Asgore trust her after the stunts Chujin pulled? Maybe he even feels guilty for what happened to him. For the sake of this au, he agrees, desperate and grieving just like the women in front of him. But we all know what happens to Kanako, so…

THE KING IS DEAD! Vive la révolution!

Ok, not really, he’s just fallen down. That’s now Alphys’ problem to deal with (I’m sorry gurl I love you). But now Ceroba is in hot, HOT water, for a few crimes like ✨attempted assassination✨, ✨regicide✨, and ✨treason✨! If you’ve ever seen Undyne in the neutral routes, then you know she’s one trigger happy fish that’s very loyal to Asgore, and ain’t the biggest fan of the iron gallos. She’d much rather do it with her own two hands. So before Ceroba can run, plead her case, or even fight back; she’s got a spear straight through the soul.

Kanako, obviously, ain’t so happy about this. Poor gurl just lost her dad, and now her mom is also very dead, right in front of her too. Ouch! So she reacts as you’d expect anyone to, and attacks Undyne back with quite the fierce fireball. Luckily, it’s not a DnD fireball, but it does serve as the reason she wears an eyepatch now. With her attacker blinded, Kanako makes a desperate run for it, not wanting to risk retaliation. Back at the Wild East, all she has is her mother’s staff and the mask she made to as evidence of what happened.

The Wild East is heavily shook by the news, every resident feels it, but Starlo is hurt especially hard. That was his best friend, perhaps someone he saw as more, someone he cared for deeply and devotedly. We saw Starlo is the flawed pacifist run, he don’t take this too well. But right now, he doesn’t care about what he thinks or feels. In front of him is a grieving now orphaned child who watched her own parents turned to dust, who he watched grow up and been by their side the whole time. So like he always does, he comforts her before anything else. For this AU, Starlo will be serving as Kanako’s guardian, since she has no parents now. The fandom has kinda agreed on that Starlo is Kanako’s honorary uncle, and he definitely has some strong dad energy he needs to unleash. So he’s going to be the one to step up and care for this poor child.

Starlo decides this is a pretty good chance to give her something; a hat just like his own. He even cut out holes for her ears, Ceroba always complained about how the way his hat made it hard to hear and folded her ears in uncomfortable matters. He wants to share his passion of western culture with Kanako, to pass on what helped comfort him. Though he is very unaware that escapism is a very self destructive coping mechanism, and has just damned Kanako to become worse; whoops! He even offers to teach her gunslinging and give her lassons when she’s older. There’s a solum comfort in the promise of future, something to look forward to, a goal to achieve. And so, Kanako latches into it, and holds onto it for dear life.

Years go by, Kanako has grown up, and the 6th human falls. Kanako has shown to be a natural at wielding a gun, but ends up falling back on her natural magical abilities. Starlo offered for her to join the feisty five, maybe even become deputy, but she refuses. Instead, she adapts the persona of a bounty hunter, a lawless predator that only abides by the count of coin under her victim’s wanted poster. I really want to give her a cool alter ego name like North Star does, but I don’t have any ideas on what a good name for her would be. So if you guys have any cool names for her, I’d really appreciate it! Nonetheless, she joins in on Starlo’s western fantasies, relishing in the role as the villain. The classic self righteous vigilante sherif VS the aloof bounty hunter just getting paid. She embraced their role as some Saturday cartoon bad guy, tying damsels to train tracks and robbing banks, shooting the good guy all “this town ain’t big enough for the both of us,” style. It’s a performance, a chance for her to be someone else. The bounty hunter isn’t a lost, confused, and traumatized child who had her parents and childhood ripped away from her claws right in front of her, but a powerful and respected foe people can be scared of.

How would Kanako interact with Clover and the gang, I don’t really know yet. I’m imagining Starlo instructing her to sabotage the trials he sets up for Clover as a way to cause drama and challenge his soon to be deputy, while playing none the wiser to the posse, but that’s all I really got. What I’m more interested in is her dynamic with Martlet. Kanako isn’t a big fan of Royal guard for obvious reason, it’s a big reason why she takes on a bounty hunter role, their whole point is to give the law enforcers the middle finger. So when a blue bodied yellow eyed Royal Guardswomen rolls up into town, she’s going to be pretty heavily reminded of her late mother’s executioner. You can’t have a hunter without the hunted, and fittingly enough, foxes are known to hunt many kinds of birds; from small songbirds to juvenile birds of prey, but usually just the eggs. It would be a good reason for Martlet to be in jail, she pulled a Ramsey Murdock and put herself in jail so she doesn’t join her cousin Berdly in the grocery isle as fried chicken.

So, to end things off, why does this Au exist. For a lot of reasons, but it’s mainly to show the point of Ceroba’s and Kanako’s role in the story. They are both left doomed by the narrative, whether she gets injected or not. It doesn’t matter who lived or who died, the survivor is left no better then dead wishing it was them instead. The point of Kanako is to be a tragedy, to show what happens to many families, the inevitability of death and how grief can tear someone apart. If Kanako is the sacrificial lamp, someone else has to be. Inversely, if Ceroba isn’t there to be the the consequence of that sacrifice, someone else will have to. It doesn’t matter what choice Ceroba made on injecting her daughter, she was doomed to a fate worse than death, whether through amalgamation or orphaning. But it’s also meant to be a commentary on the nature of Undertale Yellow’s main theme; Justice. In my mind, and the way Kanako sees it, blind justice doesn’t exist. Yeah, there’s moral things everyone can say “that’s pretty wrong,” but at the end of the day, justice is self serving. Every person’s moral compass and what they believe is right and wrong is different, and so the Justice they enforce exists to push their own agenda. Clover in one timeline will sacrifice their soul to give monsters justice, while in another killing every monster that moves is delivering justice for the crime of the other children’s deaths. Did Ceroba deserve execution for what she did even if it was an accident, is it just of Kanako to mercilessly slaughter a child for the sake of the underground? That question doesn’t matter to her, all that matters in justice. Anyway, have adult Kanako in a cowboy hat, I’ll finalize her design for this AU one day…

[multiversxwhore]

Stress Relief

Pairing: Carmen Berzetto x Black!oc

Warning: public sex, unprotected sex, (y’all know what comes next right?) MINORS DO NOT ENGAGE

Theme song: Wanna Be Yours by Arctic Monkeys

a/n: not my finest story picture grid, but y’all get the point. Lol. This is plotless, pointless smut. Please don’t re-post on other sites. Reblogs are encouraged.

Today had been a shitty one, the restaurant had customers, and orders up the ass. No one has had a break, and as usual the kitchen was in complete chaos. You could tell he’s two overly whisked eggs away from losing his shit, again, he was moving around the kitchen like a robot, calling out orders in a moonstone voice. No one said anything, you weren't sure if anyone noticed, but you did. While everyone was distracted with their respective task, and the restaurant had a temporary slow period, you walked over to Carmen, and gently tugged on his chef’s jacket. He turned to you, a look of shock on his face as if just now realizing that he’s at work.

“Wassup?” He’s confessed to you before that you’re the only thing that could calm his psychotic moods, but you never acted on that, not that you knew how. You just assume he’s referring to your presence, but he appeared to need more than that, Carmen needed more than a smoke break.

Chewing on your bottom lip, you contemplated the consequences of your next actions, at first you were going to stop yourself, but then his eyes dropped down to your glossy, pouty, brown lips. When he looked back up at you, the hunger in his eyes dissipated any doubts you may have previously had. Wordlessly you pulled him by the hem of his jacket towards the bathroom, and into the stall making sure to lock the door behind you.

“It’s been a fucked up day Carm.” You whispered, he pressed his forehead to yours, your arms linked around his neck, and his hands found their way to your lower back. Neither of you were quite sure when you became so intimate with each other, but you didn’t question it because you trusted each other.

“You smell good.” Carmen chuckled, his wild beating heart coming down to a steady rhythm, he pressed his lips to yours tasting the fruity flavor of your gloss, he moaned into you. All his intrusive thoughts from earlier long gone, he wished you weren't at work so he could feel your coils between his fingers. He loved playing with your hair, the way it bounces as if it has a life of its own. On the one day you two may have off he'd come over, let you cook for him, and spend all day in your bed tangled up.

“My pussy feels better.” You purred in a hushed voice, he turned you around so that your back is to him, and your ass is pressed against his crotch. He didn't understand how someone could make a chef's uniform look sexy, but you did. Sometimes he couldn't take his eyes off you, a few times he almost chopped his finger off not paying attention.

“Fuck, I bet.” He hastily pulls down your pants, he doesn't bother pulling your panties down, every second counts, and dealing with underwear is wasting precious time in his head. Some women you can just tell they have pretty pussy, and truth be told Carmen has spent a lot of his down time thinking about this when it came to you. You live rent free in his head, but he loved it, you were his new obsession. It helped to curb the depressive thought about his family, you didn't know that, he didn't want to creep you out and scare you off like most Bears tend to do.

He pulled his penis out of his pants, and pushed the tip into your slippery cunt. A sense of euphoria washed over him, it’s not like he ha sex often, the kind of career, and lifestyle he has doesn't really make room for it.

“Goddam you feel so good princess.” Carmy’s voice cracked, he took your shallow breaths as a good sign, he almost forgot where he was, and understood why you were trying so hard not to make a sound. He held onto your hips as he closed his eyes envisioning a better angle of your round booty, and thick thighs.He hiked one foot up on the toilet, repositioned himself, and pushed himself as deep as he could go. His hips stuttered when he heard you hiss, worried that he hurt you his movements came to a complete stop. You reached back to grab him by the wrist, and whispered, “It's okay, just didn't expect you to be uncut, don't stop.” He seemed unsure, because he’d stop right now if it meant hurting you.

“Carmy.” You whined pushing your ass back on him. He leaned back and watched you for a minute, the way your cheeks gently clapped hypnotized him, this is probably the most beautiful thing he’s seen. Hunching back over you, he pushed all the way back in with ease as your natural sap coated him each time.

His curls fail in front if his face blurring his vision, he didn’t give not one single fuck, because this shit felt better than smoking cigarettes. Your slick cunt tightened around him causing him to let out a strained moan, the bathroom door creaked open, the sound of water echoed through the restroom. That didn’t stop his consistent hip thrust, he could feel you pulse a few times, his eyes rolled deeply into his head as he felt you cum. The sound of foot steps, and then the door softly closing, finally you let out a breath, “Fuck Carmy, just like that.” Your voice got a little too loud, your heart jolted at the thought of getting caught, but his strokes felt too good for you to think about it much longer. You could feel your juices leaking down your fupa

“Fuck, fuck, fuck.” He cursed, he pulled out right in time to cum on your booty cheek, not his preferred landing, but he’d rather not have an unplanned pregnancy. Though, if it was you…

“Shit, sorry.” Carmy fumbled to grab some toilet tissue for you. He flushed red at the sound of your giggle, gently he cleaned you off, and let you clothe yourself. His hands grab onto your waist, any hesitancy he may have had, has been answered.

“I hope you know this means you’re not getting rid of me now?” Carmen kissed your nose, and then your lips.

“Duh.” You teased, he pushed you out of the bathroom stall letting you exist first. He waited a while, then left out, Richie came from around the corner, a knowing grin on his lips.

“You’re not fooling anyone.” Richie spoke in a hushed voice, Carmen rolled his eyes shrugging his shoulders.

“Fine, don’t say anything, just don’t fuck her up with your crazy family drama alright?” Richie grasped Carmen by the shoulders, his gaze softened as he thought of you, he’d die first before hurting you in any manner.

“I got this Cousin.” Carmen shook his head, Richie searched for an ounce of self doubt in his eyes, and found none.

“Alright, you taken a smoke break?” Richie asked.

“Nah, don’t need one.” Carmen smiled to himself and headed back towards the kitchen.

You felt Carmen’s big blue eyes on you as you worked on your soufflé, the rest of the day, the only thing on your minds were each other.

[stonerskinny]

why does alcohol have so many cals 😭

weighed at 277 just now, it really is crazy what a single 💩 and a nap will do for you LMAO

now do i want to risk ruining that w alc and possible binging or do i just go back 2 sleep and be good

i’m 22hrs into this fast meaning if i skip going out and having fun i can take my sleep meds and probably get to 36hrs easy but i can also see the scenario where they just don’t kick in and i end up binging anyway plus i just was aiming for 18hrs

ugh why are there so many ways this could go

the switch is flipping actively, i think. who knew i just needed to get out of the cycle for a night.

i feel like i have something to prove. which i hesitate to admit, but it’s true. apparently when all your friends are restricters and your entire ed is just you failing at restricting, theres some interesting shame stuff that comes up LOL sometimes i just feel like a lazy gross piece of shit compared to everyone in my life because i am like this unhinged fucking glutton and everyone else has the discipline i’d commit war crimes to have

i feel like a wannarexic sometimes which i basically am

i just want to do something right and the only thing i care about is this which i am royally terrible at. sometimes it’s like all i know how to do is eat, doesn’t matter that i purge because im so big.

you know i’m gonna have to lose just over 2/3 my body weight to get to where i wanna be. that’s a lot of fucking weight and there’s no way i end up without loose skin so basically im fucked if i lose to where i wanna be, and fucked if i go crazy and decide to recover because i’ll still be huge. maybe if i actually worked out i wouldn’t end up w so much loose skin or if i did this slowly but slowly pisses me off because my brain is all about that instant gratification

the longer i’m awake the more i want to binge fuck

but i know i will regret it. i knowwwww i will. because ill feel bloated and ill gain and it’ll fucking suck. or ill purge, one of the two. there’s no excuse for it though. this body does not need food, it has PLENTY of natural resources to live on lmao.

i wish i didn’t most likely have the hellscape combo of hypothyroidism + PCOS which both individually make weight loss hard and weight gain so easy. but at the same time i can’t erase my failure by crying about genetics, if i really wanted to get there i’d already have gotten there long ago so now im just wasting everyone’s time.

can u tell the suicidality came back so strong tonite lol

i wonder how many ppl actually read these monstrosities that i write. how many ppl actually absorb my thoughts. trippy

sometimes i think i don’t actually have an eating disorder at all because i am just so inconsistent with anything besides binging. which i know is its own ed but let my silly little rat brain have its moment.

also apparently i literally sleep like the dead bc my hr was 40 when i was sleeping earlier so that’s fun no wonder i wake up feeling like a fucking corpse every day

okay that’s all for now i’ll spare y’all the rest of my brain while i lay here and mentally debate the pros and cons of both trazodone and tequila

[trans-wojak]

I swear to fucking god, do people even listen to themselves these days? Another stupid girl posting on Facebook that she’s supposedly “agender” but ain’t ever going to inform her parents about her precious gender identity because they won’t understand. That she will die without them ever knowing.

Do you know how privileged that is? Literally, your parents won’t even give a fuck. Why? Because you aren’t actually going to transition. Do you know what happens to ACTUAL transsexuals? We get kicked out of home, we get abused, our parents disown us. I was NOT put in conversion therapy and pushed back into the closet for fucking 9 years then made homeless just so some stupid girls can think “oh but I don’t feel like a girl, I’m fine with my sex tho” is on the same level as me.

My parents originally fucking were horrible to me, they put me in conversion therapy and you what that lead to? Me having such low self esteem that I believed being abused was normal, so normal that I got into a domestic violent relationship that lasted for 9 years. Conversion therapy actively encourages you to consider suicide as an option if you can’t live as your assigned sex. They break down your spirit, they basically try to convince you that you’re delusional. Leaving him meant I was left with NOTHING but not only that, I had already started testosterone and the changes were beginning to get too obvious for my dad to ignore. He literally made me homeless cause he refused to have me live with him until I could get my own place. Because now I wasn’t just looking like a dyke, I was now showing signs of true transsexuality.

Both my parents are better now, they have a lot of regret about treating me so poorly over my gender dysphoria - but they are not perfect. My mum will still run away and hide from people who knew me prior to my transition if I’m with her because she doesn’t want to defend me if they are nasty when they realise it’s [deadname] as a man now. My dad still uses she/her pronouns for me even though it makes people think he has dementia lol. He constantly thinks I’m going to kill myself because I will eventually regret my transition. He also thinks everyone can always tell that I’m trans even though I’m stealth in real life. He lets it slip that he thinks I will never find a partner, constantly tells my mum that he wishes I “just stayed as a lesbian butch woman**”. My mum thinks [deadname] and Mike are two different people, she thinks she lost a daughter, but gained a son even though I am the same person. She has said before that I killed her first daughter when we have arguments.

I am so sick of this non binary craze bullshit. Y’all don’t understand that transsexuals do not get the same benefits you do, you can hide being “trans.” You can put on your they/them pins at LGBTIBBQ meet ups but take them off to go back to your cis life. I cannot. My life is forever shaped by this bullshit, I am struggling so hard to change my name legally so EVERY TIME I do anything that requires that nonsense - people treat me like fucking shit. Cause they see a bloke in front of them but a legal female name, they know. Nurses are absolute trash to me if I ever go to the hospital because of my legal name. They use he/him until they see the paper work then do a condescending smile and use my deadname, she/her etc. Its rare that I have a decent nurse or doctor who ACTUALLY continues to treat me correctly.

Your non binary identity is based all on fucking sexist gender roles and without those, you wouldn’t have an identity. Mine is based on the fact my brain sex is male but my body was born female and I’m actively changing that to male.

We are not the same.