#I wonder if the real versions were like this :o

[leclsrc]

wanna be nearer ✴︎ mv1

genre: 18+, fuck buddies ahhhaha, smut, porn w/o plot basically...

word count: 3.6k  

It seems every time you tell yourself to stop, Max comes back into your life and all sense of resolve crumbles. title from this

auds here… hiii :) req'd by SO MANY PEOPLE i can't even start compiling all the asks hahah but if u asked for this here it is! writing's been tuff for me lately but this was the one thing i could continue daily (weird) also there is a case to be made re: max's hottest pictures being like 1 pixel in resolution... hope u all like it!!!

nsfw warnings under the cut!

18+ because... sexual tension, penetrative sex, some vague sexting/a sex tape being watched, praise/dirty talk central, size kink, unprotected sex, handjob (f receiving), max being a meanie

It’s busy today. You haven’t seen him all day. 

To be fair, you weren’t necessarily looking—not at first, anyways. How many days had it been since the last time, now? The one in your hotel room? Almost two weeks, you think. The real answer’s blurry in your head, especially when you count the close calls, but this should be a record for you two at this point. Neither of you acknowledge that the only reason you’ve been so good at staying away from each other is because when you’re not roped into the same media junket, you avoid each other at all costs.

The media pen is full; everybody’s shoulder-to-shoulder because a few other networks bought their way into the space for the Singapore race. Right when your mind settles back into the focus of work, though—

“Here,” he says, his voice rough and tickling your ear. You nearly stumble forward, shocked at how his voice almost vibrates through you, a low trill that ripples top to bottom.

His hand settles at the small of your back, like his verbal confirmation wasn’t enough on its own; it’s big and his thumb rubs softly at the smooth strip of skin in-between your low skirt and your top. “Passing through.”

“Sure,” you say, dry. “Sorry.” You clear your throat and cant backwards into his touch—briefly, before you step forward and allow him to pass fully. Across you, Lissie looks up from her phone and you sense her trying to gauge why you’re so close to Max.

You blink and wait for him to disappear, wondering what you’ll tell her—how, more like. How the conversation even opens. How you’d phrase the truth, which in itself is a horribly grey area. Well, Lis, if you must know, Max and I have casual sex. A lot. It’s actually not very casual. We stopped now, but—yes, Max. That Max, yes. 

“What about Max?”

Your eyes snap upward and then to your left, where you can see Max’s figure disappearing into a crowd of engineers. They return to Lissie and you feign confusion to mask panic. “What?”

“You were spacing out and then suddenly said his name.” She presses the tip of her pen onto her chin, humming. She doesn’t look at you and you thank God for it—eye contact would’ve rattled the truth out of you in seconds.

“I…” You shake your head. “I was irritated with—I’ve been irritated with him all morning. It’s. Yeah.”

“Oh,” she says, nodding, looking away for a second but not pausing. “Oh, okay. D’you wanna go over this edit again?”

—

The stale air of his hotel room, alleviated only by the vaguely fragrant linen spray they use when he’s out, is what greets Max when he arrives in the afternoon.The first thing he does—the only task he’d even thought of en route here—after the door clicks shut is pull up his Messages app and type.

Just got to hotel. He tosses his phone onto the bed while he waits, tugs his cap off and rakes reckless fingers through his hair. His new stylist’s got him onto jeans that don’t “look painted on” (you once said, verbatim), but he’d rather die than lounge in denim, so he swaps them out for just his Calvins.

His mind’s lethargic, but even his version of lethargic is high-drive for others—his brain has the silly tendency to work in absolute overdrive. He itches for a drink and orders a Scotch on the telephone. He checks his phone, which is lying facedown still, and as soon as he picks it up it chimes with your reply.

OK, nice. Did u need something?

No, just wanted to let you know. He hits send, then adds another. You’re off @ 8?

Ended early, I’m in the car. He’s in the middle of drafting a response when you send a follow-up.

I thought we agreed no contact unless business

He scoffs out a dry laugh. Despite himself, he reads the text in your voice, his brain completing the image of the bossy tone with crossed arms and a wickedly arched brow. In response he types: Can’t even update a friend nowadays? I am very tired you know.

Rules are rules, he reads. Then, Get some rest.

Yeah. Got a drink.

I said rest, not drink. Even then he can hear the exasperation in your voice.

How was work? I hurt a muscle doing training. That’s why I’m at the hotel early.

Feel better soon, you send. Had some press stuff today. Boring shit

Yeah? I missed you today.

Really?

A lot. He hums and leans backward, lets his head settle into the pillow, the smell of the linen spray consuming his nostrils. He waits for his phone to buzz, vibrate softly on the hard surface of his chest. It does, after a few minutes, after he’s let his eyes shut and let himself rest them for a bit, after the room service comes knocking and gives him the Scotch he’d requested while ago.

He’s back sitting on his bed when it vibrates. He picks it up and reads: How much?

You’re awfully easy to rile up. He smiles around the rim of his glass—he knows exactly where this is heading. 

So much I think I’ll watch some videos of us.

The only caveat of casual sex as two people who essentially dislike each other is the fact that it’s all under wraps—which means if you two try to sneak off together, or are even caught in the same vicinity, people raise suspicions. And that means there are weeks where you barely get to fuck.

And that means you both grow antsy for it. He makes fun of you for being needy, when you’re tipsy and palming at the denim of his jeans or when you bend over when you know he’s looking. But the truth is he grows needy for it, too, craves you like you’re all that matters—he gets extra handsy, drops another innuendo when he knows you’re listening. There is a case to be made that he’s worse, in fact, because fans sometimes skirt around his words and wonder why he sounds so flirty when you’re the reporter in the room.

It was difficult but eventually he found a minor workaround: sometimes he films the two of you. There’s none of those propping his phone up kind of stuff, he just fishes for it in the middle of fucking you so he can store it for himself. It’s locked on his phone and he only has a few (the few has grown in number lately), but God it gives him release when he needs it and you’re not there.

I’ll call you when I’m at the lobby, comes the response. It’s always futile, the attempts to stay away from each other.

He pulls up the folder and lets his eyes skate over the thumbnails, squeezes himself through his boxers. Fuck. He can’t seem to decide what he wants to watch—the ones of you sucking him off, the ones of his fingers stretching you out. He recalls the whine in your voice in each of them, the pleads that escaped you for him to fuck you harder.

So Max, for the life of him, can’t even count how many times these videos have made him cum. But there’s one he hasn’t seen yet—the one he took the night before you two parted. You’d become extra needy on this night, preceding the season, he supposes, the separation. You already were anticipating the deprivation, starved for him more than usual. He’d have kissed you pretty, given you one orgasm after another and still you’d want more. And on this night it was you who asked him to film, you who wanted all of them on tape, so you’d both have something to tide you over until he got to fuck you again.

He pulls his cock out and strokes over it. And with his other hand, he presses his thumb on that video.

In it he’s fucking you in the dark, keeping the phone’s flashlight on your pussy as he sinks his cock into you. When he pulls back out the light reflects on the slick coating his dick, makes it glisten. It looks so wet, sounds so wet, with each thrust into you. He remembers just how it feels; he imagines that he’s back in your bed, fucking you again; that his fist is your pussy, and the spit lubricating it is the wetness that’s drooling out of you on camera.

He can see how tight you are—the way your pussy grips the shaft each time he pulls his cock out, greedy for him. Just like you.

The two of you were supposed to be quiet, too. You were at a hotel, your room beside another driver’s; you were supposed to be careful not to stir anyone. But your moans are louder than he remembers; so is the way you say, breathily, between gasps, Right there, Maxie, m’so close. Max inhales through his teeth, his cock throbbing at that—that Maxie, the cute little whimper out your mouth.

He strokes himself faster, watches the way your fingers slip into frame to rub at your clit, his thrusts getting sloppier and sloppier. He can see, hear—feel how wet you are, the sound of your cunt growing wetter with every thrust. He hears his own voice again, mutter out So good for me, yeah? And your babbled affirmation in response.

You cum hard, your slick getting everything wet and shiny and Max watches himself cum next. His dick’s already spurting when he pulls out and lets himself release on your lower stomach, some of it shooting onto your tits. He blinks, anchors himself back, quickens his wrist and digs his heels into the bed to keep himself from coming. Just a second longer. He knows what comes next and he needs to see it.

Like clockwork, he watches two of your fingers swipe through his cum, bringing them up to your lips. You blink up at the camera and smile. Quit it, your lips mouth, pink and cum-slick. Put it down, Maxie… fill me up again. He releases in weak spurts over his fist, a damp, flushed grunt escaping him as he does. He feels like the air’s been knocked out of him.

His phone rings and he presses it to his ear. “Hey, angel. Come on up.”

One week later

“Vodka,” you say to the bellboy when you get to the elevator. “To my hotel room. Very cold. Please. And thank you.”

The guy scurries off to fetch it for you, and five minutes and one elevator ride later, you're wrestling himself into your room, flexing your sore foot. Japan does hotel rooms well. The leather of your Manolo digs into your foot the way it does after you’ve walked the entire day and you can feel a blister forming on the back of your right heel but it doesn’t really matter, you guess, if you’re already home. Hotel-home, anyway.

You expect to find solace lounging on your bed, waiting out the hours to your morning briefing for the race and throw back a glass or two of vodka. 

Instead, you find Max on your couch. He’s sipping ice-cold vodka—your ice-cold vodka.

“Hey, pretty,” he says. “Good vodka. I got staff to wire my FIFA on the TV.”

You just stare. “My TV. What,” you say, your eyes spotting the bottle of frosty vodka by his glass, “are you doing here?”

“I hadn’t seen you all day and I wanted to,” he explains simply. “Do you want food or something?”

“Food? I—nevermind,” you shrug. You’re frozen by the door, only just warmed now from the cold air that bit at your bare legs. “Max, how long have you been here?”

“Since Will Buxton started the post-FP debrief,” he huffs. He fiddles with the remote in his grip and extends it to the TV, where FIFA comes to life. “Aw, come on, angel. I know, I know. No sex and all that. I just like your company, you know?”

“Please. Go fuck yourself,” you scoff, toeing off your shoes and wiping your hands on the fabric of your skirt. He says one thing but you expect another—it’s only natural, given all the other times one of you had failed to keep a similar promise. But still you walk yourself beside him, fix the strap of your short dress, and allow him to pour you a drink.

“You know what I’ve been thinking about lately?” He asks absently. “About how you’re always having these talks with me about… about not having sex anymore, but you never even last two days.” He raises you the glass. “What is it, relapsing?”

“Fuck you,” you mutter. “It’s only because you keep trying to get me all hot and bothered.” You recall each time: in Monaco, in Madrid, in France. “Maybe if you got off my back once in a while, we’d be back to normal.”

He shrugs. “You just don’t have strong resolve.”

“Excuse me?” You scoff, irritation scratching at your throat.

“Wanna test that out? Come play.”

Your eyes flit over to the bright screen, all exhaustion cleared from your system. An animated Kylian Mbappe kicks a football in a loop. “Fine. One round and you’re out of my room.” He throws his hands up in surrender and you make a move to sit next to him. Max puts his hands out towards you then, nodding. You mistake it for some handshake, accept them, and then he’s wrangle you onto his lap facing outward. You feel your pulse at your throat as he pulls you tight against him.

“This is cheating,” you say, your voice dry.

“You got it wrong. Teaching.”

He moves his fingers atop yours, explaining what to press, what goes where, what to do for this or that. He can smell your perfume, hear your stilted breaths, and when he peeks over your shoulder he can see where your dress falls loose, showing the lace of your bra and your tits underneath them.

If he had it his way, he’d hike your dress up and have you ride him. But he’s given you a challenge.

You play a practice round and end up scoring a few goals, fingers making quick work of the buttons. Behind you, Max watches, content, answering your questions when you ask them hurriedly—how do I do this? That? Did I just score?

You score once, then twice, then three times, and before you know it you’re scoring in quick succession. The game is fun—it’s easy. If Max was trying to give you a hard time, he failed. You grow determined, competitive within seconds (something he really should’ve anticipated), and you’re scoring goals with skill that you’d confidently say rivals Max’s.

Max. You almost—almost forget he’s there, and then you sit up straighter and you’re hit with the sensation of his dick pressing into your ass. You inhale sharply and the controller clatters to the floor.

“You okay, pretty?” His hand comes up to rest on your knee, inching closer and closer with every hitch of your breath. Your hand, now free of the controller, seizes his, stopping it right at the middle of your thigh. 

“I’m fine.”

“Yeah? You look stressed.” He doesn’t move. “You were so close, too, weren’t you?” The score stares you right in the face: 4-5. “Maybe you just need to get your mind off it.” It’s so bullshit, so extremely obvious, but he’s right in your ear and his hand is so near where you’ve missed its presence.

You’re usually competitive. You can usually hold your ground. But with this and him—

“Maybe,” you breathe, loosening your grip. He spreads his legs, spreading yours in the process, and brings his hand closer, running slender fingers over the lace material of your underwear until you’re squirming. It grows damper the more he touches, your mouth hanging open with stunted whimpers.

“You always come back to me, schatz, don’t you,” he says, whispers against your ear. You wrench a moan out. “Remember the first time? You interviewed me in Abu Dhabi… you teased me the whole day and begged to come thrice in my room. The time in Monaco you touched yourself to me when I was in the next room. The time we almost hooked up in Miami…” He groans, to himself more than you. “You’re a dirty girl.” He’s curling two fingers inside of you now, grazing against the sweet spot pulls the most delicious moans out of your innocent mouth.

“Every time… you go, that was the last time.” While your mind recaps the memories he’s busy spelling into your ear, Max’s fingers are curling inside of you against that sweet spot just right, and your moans are getting louder and louder.

“Fuck,” he huffs, watching your flushed face get more and more euphoric.

“Aw, pretty, look at that,” Max laughs. He’s looking at your thighs, watching the way they tense and shake as his fingers stroke your g spot. Each pump and curl into your twitching pussy feels better and better, and your dripping walls are starting to clench around his fingers.

“Wait, I—I can’t,” you pant, lolling your head onto his shoulder and involuntarily bucking your hips upward. 

“Yeah you can,” he orders. “It’s so easy to get you to cum, isn’t it? Or is that just for me? The driver you hate the most?” He laughs. “Get all wet for the guy you couldn’t care less about. Say you hate me and get my dick nice and wet the next day.” You’re grinding onto his three fingers now, shameless with it.

“Are you gonna cum?” He asks.

“Oh,” you whine. “Yeah, fuck—yes.”

“Tell me what you’re gonna do,” he says wickedly. You can hear him smile.

“I’m gonna—please—I’m gonna cum,” you pant, tension coming to a halt and then bursting all at once out of you. His other arm holds your hips down against him, and you spend a minute and another twitching, your skin sticky with sweat and slick.

It’s not long before you’re whirled back to face him, your hands making quick work of his jeans. It’s a skill you’ve both mastered, the art of the quickie—in closets, hotel rooms, with sweaty, open-mouthed kisses pressed along the column of your throat, moans swallowed. 

He hikes your dress up and your panties to the side, immediately bullies his cock into you—the glide is slow, but easy. You’re so fucking wet.

“Fucking big,” you gasp out. “Jesus, Jesus—fuck.” Your head drops and presses against his; he uses the opportunity to kiss you. You moan into it, feeling the stretch, your slick wetness dragging down the length of him as he thrusts up, up, further. “Been a while.”

“Feel good, though, yeah?” Your toes curl and you nod; you’re flushed all over and you need him to hurry up. You grind downward, onto him. He does, then, fucks you hard and fast, like he’s thirsted for this for way longer than he did. You’re squirming, all wet, and it tempts him to go harder. Your face is shiny with sweat, lips drawn in between your teeth.

“Slo—slow down,” you manage, babbling; he doesn’t, speeding up his thrusts until you’re moaning his name. “Max—wait—fuck, you’re so mean,” you whine, wrapping your arms around him and letting him take control. 

“You’re fine,” he grunts, pulling out almost all the way. “You take my dick so well, schatz, every fucking time. Don’t you?”

“I do,” you gasp out, and he’s slamming into you gain. You cry out loudly, sniffling from the overstimulation—you’d barely recovered from your initial orgasm and already you’re hurtling into what feels like three at the same time. 

“For someone who doesn’t like me,” he sneers, “you sure do moan like a slut, huh?”

His words get you more turned on than you’re willing to admit, but you shake your head.

“No?” He laughs, breathy from the effort. “Maybe I should film you now. Send it to your boss, let him see his stellar reporter’s getting Verstappen’s dick wet.” 

Finally, the tension building inside of you reaches a head, and your pussy starts to twitch around his dick. He notices, grunts sharply and leans forward, shuddering as he releases into you. Your moans are choked and tapering into whimpers as you release slick all over him, and you attempt to catch your breath, collapsing onto his still-clothed, now-sticky chest. You scratch at the dri-fit material and inhale him, the smell of his cologne, his sweat. You bite at his earlobe, laugh when he flinches.

“That,” you say into his skin, “was the last time.” It’s both seriously and as a joke, playing off of what he’d remarked earlier.

“Jesus, princess. I’m still inside you.” 

You giggle and drum lightly along the plane of his chest. In a few minutes he’ll pick you up to shower, but now you’re content to inhale him in. Quietly you wonder why you just can’t get enough of him—if you were in better senses, you’d have realized he was thinking the same thing about you.

[popamolly]

‘INTERNAL REDEMPTION’ LUCIFER MORNINGSTAR

summary. (y/n) continues to spy on Lucifer, preying on the little vulnerability that allows he allows (y/n) to see. Unbeknownst to both of them there is something blossoming with each conversation and shared stolen glance.

CHAPTER ONE | CHAPTER TWO | CHAPTER THREE | CHAPTER FOUR

warnings. lucifer morningstar x stripper!fem!reader, eventual smut, mention of death, slow burn, biblical references, sex work, sexual themes, trauma, abuse, murder, slow burn, 18+ minors dni

author’s note. italics is for a flashback, just wanted to let everyone know if that isn’t made clear in the text, i finished this up at like 2am. enjoy sinners <3

Lucifer held you captive with his words for hours. Explaining everything you wanted to know about him and his army of ducks. That wall was slowly crumbling as was his resolve. Though that seemed to be in the back of your mind as you found yourself intrigued by him and his story— ultimately finding out that the King of Hell was actually quite charming in his way.

“So these ducks are a manifestation of sinners,” You look toward him as if to confirm his words and when Lucifer nodded you continued, “Every sinner in Hell? No wonder you have so many.”

“And this isn’t even half of it,” Lucifer smiles proudly as he hops up from his chair, gesturing toward the rubber duck piles that almost reached the ceiling, “There are more at my amusement park.”

“I see, I guess I am just trying to understand why ducks of all things?”

“Spiritual progression? Rebirth? New beginnings?” Lucifer taps his chin in thought before shrugging, “A mere duck can mean a lot of different things that’s why, plus they are cuuuuteee!”

You laugh, a real genuine laugh, which was a sound you haven’t made in a long while. The King wasn’t so bad once you got know him. If anything he was an ideal king that you would read stories about. You wanted nothing more than to listen to him talk for hours more.

“What?” Lucifer got a bit self conscious, realizing that his excitement might have came off a bit nerdy or childish, “It’s silly isn’t it?”

You shake your head to ease his insecurities with a lopsided smile, “No, I just had this version of you in my head and seeing you now, in person..it's completely changed now that I have met you.”

“I hope that’s a good thing.” Lucifer chuckles. He fiddling with the top of his cane as if he was scared to meet your gaze.

“It is.” And for a moment you forgot why you were here. If you had to chose between the V’s and Lucifer when it came to deciding Hell’s fate, Lucifer would win by a landslide— but Lucifer wasn’t the one who owned your soul, “Tell me more about Charlie. Your face lights up whenever you speak of her.”

“She is my pride and joy!” Lucifer boasts proudly, “She has this whole Hotel thing going on apparently. I’ve been poppin’ in here and there to help her ya know, being an awesome dad and whatnot.”

“And what of this hotel?” You ask, leaning a bit closer to Lucifer as if he would tell you a secret, “Does she really believe that she can redeem sinners?”

“Yes, she…she does,” Lucifer sighs after a moment, turning away from you to run his fingers through his golden hair. A heavy weight clearly on his shoulders as he thought of his daughter and her fairytale like dreams for Hell. It hurt his heart to know that he couldn’t do more for her. He knew he could make whatever dream of hers come true except for the one she wanted most. This was a whole other thing entirely. This was something between Hell and Earth and the lines have always been blurred— he would never be able to cross it even he wanted to.

“You don’t sound too sure..” You chose your words carefully. There was a tiny crack in his wall of vulnerability and you wanted to crack it some more, “Do you doubt Charlie?”

“No no no! Pfffft, Of course not!” Lucifer quickly says before sighing in defeat, raking his fingers through his blonde hair, “I don’t doubt her..I just— I don’t think she understands the weight of what she is trying to do. I just l don’t want her to end up hurt over this.”

“If all else fails then she will know that you were there for her,” You say, placing your hand on his shoulder reassuringly, “All you have to do is believe in her, even if you don’t believe in her dreams.”

“I suppose you’re right.” Lucifer turned to look at you. A split moment in time where the world seemed to stop and it was just you and him. Your words might have came from your own selfish need to stay on Valentino’s good side but your kindness remained true. It became clear to you that the King was nothing more than a prideful man that was trying his best. Not only for his daughter but himself and for Hell. In the short time that you knew him it was something that you quickly learned to admire, “Yes, well,” Lucifer clears his throat, his cheeks flushing slightly under your intense gaze, “Thank you for the company. It was nice to…open up a bit.”

“Of course, your majesty,” You nod, taking that as your cue to leave the King to his Kingly duties as the time you two spent together had made day turn to night in an instant, “I will leave you to your duties.”

“Right! My duties! I am a very very busy man! So many souls to collect, tons of sinners to kill, people to torture, the list just goes on…haha!” Lucifer wanted to jump out of his own skin and slap himself silly. Curse him for his rambling, why did he even feel the need to impress you? A lowly sinner that meant absolutely nothing to him.

“if you ever need a friend or,” Your fingertips grazes the doorknob to his bedchambers with the tray of empty plates in the other arm, “…A listening ear, you always call upon me.” Offering one last smile in the King's direction, you slip out into the hall, closing the door behind you softly.

Lucifer couldn’t help but feel how his room suddenly felt cold now that your warm presence was gone. There was a certain emptiness in the air that reminded him he was truly lonely. \

“So the King of Hell’s daughter wasn’t joking about the redemption of sinners,” Vox sneers over the tiny screen of the voxtech watch he gave you, “And whatever the reason for the Radio Demon to be by Charlie’s side, it surely only benefits him.” The watch screen slightly glitches from Vox laughing, “Redemption of sinners?! How stupid is that?”

“It could be possible,” You say, making the watch on your wrist glitch some more.

“If I wanted your opinion bitch, I would ask for it!” The static noise was starting to ring in your ears, its material overheating in the palm of your hand, “Whatever the case is, I need you sucking Lucifer’s dick by next week if we are going to get any valuable information out of him, do you understand me?”

You bit down on your bottom lip, tears stinging at the corner of your eyes from feeling guilty about getting close to Lucifer under such circumstances. Your paths should have never even crossed. You both might be in hell but you were in entirely different worlds. There was this unspoken connection you two shared the moment your eyes met and it was just enough to get the guilt eating away at you.

“Or do I have to tell Valentino that his favorite obedient girl is being defiant?”

“No, I—”

“Good, I’m so glad we have an understanding. Now go get me some actually good information I can fucking use!” With that Vox hung up the call, making you let out a deep breath that you didn’t know you were holding in. You toss the watch to the floor angrily, dropping your head into your hands. This was all just a stupid pointless mission. One that had no satisfying end or results because there was nothing to say. There was nothing to report back. The King, Charlie, and those around him was plotting to do more good than harm.

You leaned over to turn the faucet off, stopping the hot water from filling the porcelain tub completely after nearly overflowing it from being too lost in your thoughts.

Slowly, you began to slip out of your clothes, neatly folding them and putting them aside before stepping into the hot water, the stinging pain hardly anything you would flinch from. That stinging pain felt good, it reminded you that you were present in the moment even when you wanted nothing more than to just to disappear.

Closing your eyes to relax, you sink deeper and deeper into the water until you felt your mind slowly drift elsewhere.

With a melodic hum, you turned the page to your book, intrigued by the ancient text and words of God. Surrounding you were scrolls and other relics that you stole from the council’s library, eager to learn more about God and his mysterious ways. It was all you could do in Heaven after all, live blissfully but you were bored of that. Instead of thriving off the golden city’s pleasures you always found your head in a book, a simply pleasure that you’ve grown to love.

“Boo!” Lucifer suddenly pops down in front of you. Startled, you toss your book up, which he catches with ease, “What ya reading?”

“God’s texts Lulu, what else?” You try to grab your book from him but he holds it above your head, slowly inching upward with the help of his wings to show that he was taller than you. He wasn’t but you’d like to humor him every now and again, “Lucifer! Give it back!”

“Wouldn’t you much rather see the gift I brought you instead of reading a boring book?” Lucifer wiggled his eyebrows in jest, an amused smile tugging at his lips.

“A Gift?” You stopped jumping for your book then, your wings tucked back into you with a curious glint in your eyes. Lucifer gave dramatic pause before presenting you a green apple. He tossed it to you and you caught it in your delicate hands, smiling at the kind gesture. “An apple, how romantic.”

“Is it not to your liking?” Lucifer played along with your teasing remark, circling around you as he playfully grabs and twist your hair around his fingers in such a loving way that it had your heartbeat quickening and you breath falling short, "I thought I'd give you something a little bit more nontraditional."

It took everything in your power not to swoon over a damn apple because it wasn't just an apple to you. Lucifer would go out of his way to bring you things whenever you two would meet up at your secret spot under a new sprouting tree. There was something sparking between you two and you weren't sure how long you would be able to avoid it as you were a hopeless romantic. Lucifer had such a way with words that whenever he spoke it was if he was building palaces- cathedrals even. Between that and that charming warm smile, you knew you wouldn't be able to deny your feelings for much longer but until he admitted it first you weren't going to say anything. Call it stubbornness but you simply didn't want to be mistaken and absolutely sure that your feelings for him were one hundred percent reciprocated.

"Next time get a red apple," You said, finding that hidden resolve within you once again as you smirked at him, "They're sweeter."

"Are they now?" Lucifer stopped circling you to stand only inches apart from your face. He was so close that you could feel his breath against your lips. A ball of anticipation formed at the base of your stomach, making you feel as though you have swallowed butterflies, "(Y/N).." The angel in front of you swallowed a lump in his throat, his own body betraying him as he backs you up against the tree, lips only barely touching one another, "Can I kiss you?"

You were breathless. Lucifer had officially sucked out all the air from your lungs- or so it felt like, "Yes." And with your consent, Lucifer crashed his lips to yours passionately. He invaded your mouth and all of your senses. You melted into him, relaxing against his body as you brought your arms around his neck to pull him impossibly closer. It was as if fireworks went off in your head. Even the sound of distant ringing of the bells had you questioning if it was truly meant to be.

You suddenly pulled away from Lucifer, "Bells.."

Lucifer blinks at you dreamily, "You hear them too? It's perfect."

"No, Lucifer, the bells! I'm late for afternoon prayer!" You shove him out the way and continue collecting your things. You have been late to afternoon prayer for the past two weeks and were already walking on a thin line with the Seraphims, you couldn't afford to be late again, "I have to go."

Lucifer pulls you back to him with a slight frown, "So soon? But this might be our last time together for awhile. I have that council meeting today."

"For what? Don't tell me this about your dreams and aspirations?" By the way Lucifer looked away from you you knew it was exactly that, "You can't bring that to the council members, they will see it as a threat to everything they have built."

"And have you ever asked yourself why that is? They should embrace change, not run away from it." Lucifer says, his facial expression serious, "I can prove to them that change is positive, something good!"

You shake your head, "Don't be a fool Lucifer."

"Why can't you just support this? Support me? Is change so bad?!"

"If it's going to cost you your life Lucifer, then I can't support it." You place your free hand on his check. The pad of your thumb grazing his soft skin comfortingly, "I won't support you in this."

Silence falls over you two and for a moment you thought that your friend had finally seen through to reason but it was the exact opposite. Your heart broke and you knew that your support was the one thing he ever wanted from you and you denied him that. There was this quiet heartbreak you felt in your chest, realizing that you had lost not only your lover but your friend as well.

Lucifer's hand comes up to grip your wrist, gently pulling you away from him, "With or without you, I will do this. I will show them. Show everyone." You could only watch as he turns from you and flies away, leaving you to be covered by his shadow and retreating back.

"That pride of yours," You whispered, hands clenched tightly into fist at your sides as you felt tears leave your eyes, "Will be your downfall, Lucifer."

You sat up in the water suddenly, gasping for air as you felt someone violently shake you. You sputtered and coughed up what felt like a lung, water trickled down and into your eyes making your vision blurry for a few seconds before you could blink them away to focus on the person who was kneeled next to the tub, concerned clearly etched across their face as they looked at you. You blinked away the water, the blurry figure now forming into none other than Lysandra.

"Goodness, dear! Do you know how dangerous it is to fall asleep in the bath?" Rushing to grab a towel that was hanging on a rack, Lysandra lets you put all of your weight on her as she helps you out the tub, wrapping the fuzzy warm towel around your nude body, "You're lucky I saw the water coming from under the door! What on earth were you thinking?" "I had the strangest dream.." You start to say, breathless and panting but Lysandra shushes you, helping you dry off and get warm as she leads you out the bathroom, fully intending on not leaving your side for the rest of the night.

"Hush, your mind must be in shambles poor thing," The elderly woman leads you back into your bedroom, "A nice cup of calming tea should do the trick. Now stay here and don't move."

You were still in shock to even register your current reality anymore. That dream you had felt too real, almost as if it had just happened. Why was Lucifer in it? Why were you an Angel? Why were you in heaven? You dismissed it as nothing more than your mind playing tricks on you. This only happened because of your growing connection to Lucifer. It was nothing of importance right? Dreams come from imagination- but there was a part of your mind that knew that dreams could also stem from memories.

© POPAMOLLY 2024 all fanfics belong to me, do not copy, translate, or repost on any other social media.

@pyromaniac-on-caffeine @froggybich @punching-pentagrams @elleofdragons @futureittomainn @cryptidghostgirl @yelinmarceline @sunnydays-funnydays @theperfectmangovoid @ag-cookiebat800 @lil-bexie @haunt3ddo0ll @hamthepan @delightedtosee @astarionsjuiceboxgirl @fanfictionfans-stuff @hannahrose130

Be sure to leave a comment & let me know if you want to added to the tag list for this story so you’re updated whenever I drop a new chapter! xo

[hxney-lemcn]

See You Again — Your Fav Twst Guy x gn! reader

summery: you don't realize just how much he loves you

tw: pining (idk)

a/n: uhhhh here you go. Another insert your fav character but twst version.

wc: 0.7k

Master List

You live in my dream state Relocate my fantasy I stay in reality You live in my dream state Anytime I count sheep That’s the only time we make up, make up You exist behind my eyelids, eyelids Now I don’t wanna wake up

As he falls asleep, his mind always seems to slip to you. Going over all the times he saw you and how romantic even the smallest of gestures were to him. Even if you only smiled at him the same as you did with your other friends, when he closed his eyes, he imagined a world where your smile towards him is warmer, softer, more affectionate. Imagine a world where you’d lean in close to him as you laughed at his joke, where you’d rest your head on his shoulder as you stared up at him lovingly. A world where you’d just lean over and give him a kiss-

20/20, 20/20 vision Cupid hit me, Cupid hit me with precision, I Wonder if you look both ways when you cross my mind I said, I said I’m sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of chasing You’re the one that’s always running through my daydreams, I I can only see your face when I close my eyes So…

He watched as you sat with your friends. A warm smile on your face as you watched them squabble. Did you even know what you were doing to him? How he managed to fall so hard for you without you even trying. It was tiring. It felt like all he could do was think about you, your preferences, your likes and dislikes. Perhaps he could try and take you out today? Or were you too busy? It seems like no matter how hard he tries, he’ll always be one step behind you. The only place he can actually reach you is when his eyes slip closed…

Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever? I said I’m ‘bout to go to war And I don’t know if I’ma see you again Can I get a kiss? And can you make it last forever? I said I’m ‘bout to go to war And I don’t know if I’ma see you again

He wished his dreams were real. To know the taste of your lips, the gentleness of your hold, the warmth of your love. He never wanted to wake up, his dreams leaving him longing once he awoke. Then there was the dread, the fact that you weren’t from here, that you could go back to your world and he’d never see you again. It was a vicious cycle. Daydreaming of you, remembering it wasn’t real, then the dread of never seeing you again leading him to daydream about you once more. 

I said okay, okay, okay, okey-dokey, my infatuation Is translating into another form of what you call it? Oh yeah, oh yeah, oh yeah, I ain’t met you, I’ve been looking Stop the waiting ‘fore I stop the chasing, like an alcoholic “You don’t understand me” — What the fuck do you mean? It’s them rose tinted cheeks, yeah, it's them dirt colored eyes Sugar honey iced tea, bumblebee on the scene Yeah I’d give up my bakery to have a peace of your pie

His infatuation had turned into love for you, and it started to feel suffocating, and he wasn’t sure if he should even act on his feelings. It would only make things more confusing for you. Yet he couldn’t help his longing for you, how his love seeped into every action aimed towards you. He hated when you waved him off, not understanding how deep these feelings ran through him. How he found every aspect of you endearing, You were the sweetest person he’s ever met, and you attracted him effortlessly. He’d give everything and anything for a chance to be with you. Please, just give him one chance to show you just how much he loves you.

Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, o— (La la, la la la la, la la) Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, o— (La la, la la la, la la) Okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay, o— (La la, la la la la, la la La la, la la la la) One more time?

[rorywritesjunk]

No longer locked upon the land but free on the rolling waves

You and Buggy come face to face with himself from the past, and while you’re fully accepting that this is your husband as a child, Buggy doesn’t want to accept it.

Rating: PG-13ish, but just due to some swearing.

Warning: Upset kid, upset husband. Reader is way too nice, doesn’t necessarily take husband’s feelings into account as well.

A/N: A combined request. I did a few versions of this story before feeling like it hit the marks I was wanting to hit. Also, I’m just trying to vibe off what I’ve seen of Kid Buggy. I’m no expert. I’d protect that kid with my life. He’s so adorable. I also like the trope of “Meeting your self from another time” and “gets turned back into kid-self”. This is the former, and I know shit about time travel but I just kind of made something up.

This is the last chapter with the epilogue at the end. This has been a lot of fun to write and I've enjoyed it so much, thank you all for reading it and replying! I've loved responding to you all. So thank you thank you thank you. I liked how this chapter wrapped things up. Moments go a little quick but that was the intention. Nothing was to really be drawn out.

Title comes from “Sailing Song” by S.J. Tucker.

Chapter 1 + Chapter 2 + Chapter 3 + Chapter 4 + Chapter 5 + Chapter 6/Epilogue

TAGLIST: @lostfirefly @misadventures0fdes @sylum @valen-yamyam16 @dohkyu @fluffybunnyu @skyofsteel @lavalampskyy @gingernut1314 @ane5e @madam-o @the-angriest-angel

Chapter Six

Your husband decided to stay back on the ship while you and the kid went into the town. His excuse was he needed to get the crew ready or something, but you didn’t push him for a real reason. Part of you wanted him with you when you went into town because you didn’t know what to expect. Would some kind of portal open up and tear the kid away from you, kicking and screaming, or would it happen in an instant, like when he first appeared? You were going to cry either way, you just wish you had some kind of idea of what to expect. 

But you also didn't want Buggy coming because again, what if some portal opened up and tore your husband away from you as well as the kid? You didn't want him disappearing on you at all so you just gave him a kiss on the cheek before heading off the ship with the kid.

“I think that the table was over here.” Kid Buggy said as he held your hand, leading you down a street. You knew what he was looking for but you let him take charge, wondering if he knew here to look. The table wouldn’t be there anymore, it hadn’t been since you turned 14 and left to start your apprenticeship and your parents moved elsewhere. They still made jewelry and sold it, but in another town on another island. 

It was hard not to tell him everything, because even though Buggy said he doesn’t remember anything about this whole ordeal, what if this was different? What if something was triggered that changed the course of the kid’s life from this moment forward? You didn’t want to take the risk. You loved your life, your husband, and the life you two had together. Nothing could change that, so you never told Kid Buggy that he stole from your parents, or that he would become a Devil Fruit user at a young age (he never questioned Buggy’s head popping off his body during their first meeting), nor did Buggy ever tell him what happened between him and Shanks. 

“You think so?” You replied as you followed after, smiling down at him as he turned his head in every direction, a look of concentration on his cute face as he tried to remember where to go. He stopped a few times, looking around, wondering where to turn. You were patient, giving his hand a squeeze whenever he’d start walking again.

“I’d bring you back with me if I could, y’know.” Buggy said as he looked up at you. “Introduce you to everyone. They’d think you were great.” He then looked away, searching for the table of merchandise that no longer existed. “But I know you wouldn’t wanna come with…”

“If I could come back to my husband in the end, I would.” You assured him with a smile. “But you’ve seen how you are as an adult, you can’t survive ten minutes without me, so I have to stay back with him.” Truthfully, if you met the crew, you would have brought hell down upon them. While your husband would speak highly of being an apprentice under Gold Roger, you had other opinions, ones that you wouldn’t share because you didn’t want to upset Buggy. There was always something under the surface whenever you listened to your husband speak about it. The self-doubt, fear of failure, everything, and one time when he was drunk he cried about Shanks, often feeling lesser than his friend, but then the next morning as he sobered up he would curse the same man. 

“Yea?” He grinned. “Really? I think you’d like it. You could even meet Shanks, since you said you never got to meet him.”

“Maybe something will happen and I can someday, Buggy.” You steered him out of the main walkway, letting people pass as you knelt down in front of him. “I want you to know that I have loved spending time with you, sweetie. It’s been one of the best things ever.”

He blushed at that, avoiding your gaze as he looked away. “Are you saying goodbye to me?”

“No! Not yet, just…” You hesitated. He wasn’t used to this kind of attention, the praise, compliments, affection even. You wanted to give him as much as you gave your husband because you saw the way he would brighten up when you’d tell Adult Buggy how handsome he looked in his coat while you’d straighten his cravat, or when you’d let him know how much you loved him every night before going to bed. You meant every word you spoke to Buggy as an adult, and you wanted him to know the same as a kid. “I want you to know you’re a wonderful kid, Buggy.”

He was still red in the face but he allowed you to wrap your arms around him and pull him into a hug. He mumbled something in response and you didn’t quite hear it, because he suddenly pulled away from you, his eyes lighting up in excitement.

“I can hear Shanks!” He said as he looked over your shoulder. “I think he’s calling for me!”

You turned in the same direction but didn’t see or hear anything. What was going on? He grinned at you before he suddenly took off running in the direction he was looking. You got to your feet and started after him, but he was fast. He turned down an alleyway, calling for Shanks, and when you finally caught up to him your heart dropped. It was a dead end and he was nowhere in sight. 

So this is how it ended then.

~

You came back to the ship an hour later and went right to your room, ignoring the looks of the crew and even your husband. He noticed you were alone, so he told the first mate to keep an eye on things while he went after you. Buggy wasn't sure how upset you would be, because even after ten years of marriage he wasn't sure how to handle it.

He found you sitting on the bed, leaning back against the headboard with something in your hand. Buggy hung his coat and hat up before taking his boots off and climbing into bed next to you. You immediately leaned into him, curling up against his side as he put his arm around you.

“I'm going to miss seeing you as a kid.” You sniffled, looking at the once stolen pendant in your hand. “You were so sweet, Buggy.”

“I was a little shit.” He rolled his eyes, clearly having a different opinion on the whole matter. You looked up at him with watery eyes and he sighed. “Fine, yes, I was a sweet little shit.”

“I just wanted you to feel safe and loved, Buggy.” You wiped at the tears as they rolled down your cheeks. “And you're not going to remember any of it.  What was the point of any of this?”

He just shrugged, pulling you closer as he pressed a kiss to the top of your head. He wasn't really good at using words to comfort you. He was used to actions like giving you gifts or finding ways to make you laugh instead. He hated seeing you so upset, but he knew better than to tell you to suck it up and move on. The one time he said that to you ended up with you giving him the cold shoulder for a week and he couldn't deal with that again.

“I just wanted you to be okay, Buggy.” You mumbled as you tucked the pendant away in your pocket. “I hate you went through so much before we met.” You rubbed your eyes. “And…and you're not going to remember any of this.”

“Yea, well…” He hated saying sappy things, like something out of a silly romance novel. He sighed and gritted his teeth. “If I didn't become an apprentice and continue being a pirate, we wouldn't have met.” You glanced up at him and his cheeks started to turn red. “The kid will be fine, because he will meet some way too nice tailor, fall madly in love with her and be an idiot about it, and she will show him all the love he will ever need.” He huffed and pulled his arm away from you, crossing them over his chest as he looked away. He felt a little uncomfortable but he knew you needed to hear this. “And when they hug for the first time he'll remember a moment of feeling safe as a kid but he won't know why, and when they kiss for the first time it will make him realize how much he wants her in his life.” He took a deep breath and exhaled before scowling. “Okay? So… so the kid won't remember what you did for him but he'll have a sense of familiarity when he meets his future wife, because she treats him with kindness and never asks for anything in return, and he really doesn't deserve someone like her.”

When he was finished with his rant he looked down at you, only to be horrified when he saw new tears streaming down your cheeks. Oh shit. He didn't mean to make you cry.

“S-Sorry, I didn't mean to-” He was at a loss for words. “Why are you-”

“R-Really?” You whimpered. “You felt that way when we met?”

He turned even redder if possible, unsure if he should keep talking or not, but you were almost smiling now as the tears rolled down your cheeks so he sighed and nodded.

“Y-Yes.” He said, looking away from you once more. “I… I knew the moment you gave me a hug that you and I were meant to be, because I felt safe in your arms and… and you took good care of me even before we started our relationship.” He scratched his cheek, looking so very uncomfortable to be carrying on like this, but your crying was letting up and you were looking at him with such love in your eyes that he thought he was going to literally fall to pieces in front of you. “Fixing my coat, clothes, even my gloves. It… it was nice and you didn't have to do that because I wasn't the nicest person to you at times, y’know.”

“I fixed your gloves just to spend extra time talking to you.” You said, giggling as you wiped your eyes with the hem of your shirt. He looked at you in confusion. “I made it up that your gloves needed fixing. I just… wanted to spend time with you after fixing other things, and you didn't know what I was talking about so you let me.” You smiled brightly at him. “I lied because I liked you, Buggy.”

His jaw dropped, a look of betrayal on his face. “What?! You lied?!”

You laughed. “What? I liked seeing your hands without them, honey, because you always wore them. That was the first time I felt your hands without gloves on, you know.”

“I can’t believe you lied!” He wouldn’t drop that tiny detail. “After all this time you lied about my gloves needing to be fixed?”

You knew what he was doing, trying to distract you from being upset, and you appreciated it. It still hurt having the kid disappear so quickly out of your sight but it was a comfort to hear from your husband the little bits he could recall, even if it wasn’t exact moments of his time with you. You didn’t want him to be hurt, or go through the heartaches of growing up, but if it meant the two of you meeting and falling in love, then maybe you could accept that you couldn’t fix everything.

“I love you, Buggy.” You told him as you leaned over to kiss his cheek. He turned red and looked away again but he put his arm back around you, pulling you closer to him before he looked back at you. 

“Yea, yea.” He kissed you on the forehead and sighed. “I love you too.”

~*~*~

“Buggy! Where’ve ya been?” One of the older crewmen asked. Buggy didn’t turn around, instead looking at his now empty hands. Where did the pendant go? He just snatched it off that table and he had it in his hands just moments ago, but now it was missing. Did he somehow drop it? “It’s been twenty minutes, kid! Don’t take off like that!”

He glared up at the man. “Not my fault you can’t keep up with me!”

The man just laughed and patted him on the head; the kid immediately swatted at his hand, trying to get him to stop. He didn’t take off running, he had just been with the crew and then it seemed like everything went still for a moment. He didn’t want to say anything so he kept quiet, trailing after the adult as they went to join up with the others. 

“We weren’t too worried, y’know. Figured you’d turn up once you got hungry.” 

Buggy just nodded, glaring at the ground as he walked along. It’s not like he disappeared or anything. He was just out of sight for a few minutes. Shanks and him did it all the time. 

They were walking down the street that the vendor was on where he took the pendant from. Did they somehow get it back? He hesitated but risked taking a look as they walked by. The adults were talking to a customer, showing off pieces while a girl around Buggy’s age sat nearby, looking completely bored. When their eyes met she perked up a bit and gave him a big smile. Buggy made a face and looked away  but the adult he was with noticed the exchange and laughed.

“Flirtin’ with the local girls, Buggy?”

“Shut up!” He snapped. “Let’s get back to the ship!”

“Don’t you want to say bye to your girlfriend?” He teased as Buggy glared at him, his face red. He was about to say something else when something tugged on his sleeve. He spun around, ready to fight, but froze when he saw the girl standing there, holding a flower in her hand with a big smile on her face. 

“The red flower looks like your nose.” She told him as she took his hand and placed the flower in it. “I like it.”

Buggy didn’t say anything as his hand closed around the flower. He was frozen where he stood, not sure how to respond to that, but the moment didn’t last because she turned and went back to her parents, taking her seat near the table once more. He didn’t know what to say or do next, but the adult grabbed him by the back of his shirt and pulled him along, laughing and joking about young love and other stupid shit Buggy didn’t care about. He stuck the flower in his pocket and looked back at her once more, his face still as red as his nose. She was watching him leave and gave him a smile and wave as he left. 

Yea, okay, he decided she was kind of nice, but he wouldn’t see her again so there was no point in saying hi to her or asking her name.

 It was just a one time meeting by chance.

[rowanthestrange]

The Media Overanalysis (O)Mega Essay: Why Rogue Is The Bad Guy. Duh.

Code Mauve. Sorry, you’re a mutual and directly responded, so now you get The Post. It was bound to be someone eventually, and it was you. It’s nothing personal. You were just the first to dare my parapet.

@icantleave replied: rogue definitely isn't the master because the master is simply incapable of cosplaying someone this genuine and unlike himself, his disguises are always essentially very him with a few traits hidden or amplified.

Either there is a psy-op and Disney aired a different version of this or a solid quarter of you got brain broken by American Mr Darcy- no don’t try and run, get back here. The only running you’re doing is this essay equivalent of a 10k.

You are intelligent. All of you. And yet what the hell does this mean? “rogue definitely isn't the master because the master is simply incapable of cosplaying someone this genuine and unlike himself”

We’re going through this episode. All of it. This is not actually an ‘it is the Master’ post, it is a ‘but at the very least he sure acts like the Master would’ post, which is the above premise. But also just in general that Rogue is The Bad Guy.

Take it as the Master cosplaying Jack; a Pantheon member whose theme is Roleplay who like the others has watched the show and is deliberately filling the void daddy created and getting in by cosplaying the Master cosplaying Jack (has to be doing both to be skilled at Roleplay ala Maestro and the Toymaker’s skills in their areas, else he’d just be shittily cosplaying Jack); or literally he is just baddie Chuldur #6 fanboy who wants to bang the Doctor he saw on TV cus he’s sexy and they get Doctor Who out there as well as Bridgerton. All the concepts are adjacent:

Baddie fanboy roleplaying as Jack to fuck-slash-fuck-with the Doctor.

Places people. Let’s take it from the top:

-We start with a scene showing someone (Chuldur #2) who wants to roleplay as the bad guy because that would be fun.

-(Bonus: the writers talking about themselves - “Wonderful party, your Grace.” “Some are saying best of the season. A triumph. A new standard set. And I, of course, could not comment. But I think the real estimation of an evening is in the matches made.” I quite agree.)

-(We are also in Tredegar House, which you may recognise from The End Of Time, Spyfall, and other times in New Who. We like this place.

-There is electronic interference in Ruby’s earpiece. The Doctor scans this and finds it’s coming from Rogue. The Master is a frequent user of manipulative electronics both towards other people and to disguise himself. Put a pin in this, it’ll come up at the end. ✅

-The Doctor meets Rogue to the backing of hit pop song, Billie Eilish’s “I’m The Bad Guy”. The Master is a famous lover of fun pop, and being obvious to an oblivious Doctor. ✅✅

I wrestled with iMovie at midnight to put the lyric subtitles to this video and you are going to watch and appreciate it:

[If at any point you want out of this essay, all you have to do is come back to here and watch this video again while singing in your head along with the lyrics to receive a passing grade.]

-They deliberately work the lines around the music, not just thematically but so you can clearly hear what the backing song is. And made sure they kept the scene going long enough all the way into the next section just so they could keep the line: “I like it when you take control, even if you know that you don't, own me, I'll let you play the role, I'll be your animal.” Fuck’s sake. Most Thoschei song. Interchangeable freaks.

-Rogue is critiqued by the Doctor for not acting appropriately broody enough. The Master well known for being a fairly shit actor. ✅

-That is an American accent. This is a red flag for either being a Pantheon member, or the Master Dressing For The Occasion (which Rogue certainly has).

-“Do you practise in a mirror?” - him roleplaying would mean literally yes.

-“I didn’t know the Duchess employs a court jester.” - Alexa please search every time the Master has called the Doctor some derivation of clown. ✅

-“O…Kay…Rude. Lord-?” “Not a Lord.” Our last outing with the Master was all about his psyche-destroying discovery of being made from the Not-A-Time Lord Doctor; and if he is Pantheon The Rogue roleplaying as the Master, then just chef’s kiss line. But I will be magnanimous this early in proceedings, and let you go ‘technically a valid meta read is saying that conforms he’s not a Time Lord’. But the paragraph stands.

-He calls himself Rogue:

1. noun: a dishonest or unprincipled person. "You are a rogue and an embezzler" Similar: scoundrel, villain, reprobate. 2. noun: an elephant or other large wild animal living apart from the herd and having savage or destructive tendencies. "a rogue elephant"

If it’s the Master then straight up naming himself “The Bad Guy” is on brand. The Master is a Rogue Time Lord. That is what fandom has long called them - ‘Rogues and Renegades’. The Master is shite at names, if you haven’t had the pleasure of the Third Doctor’s company yet. Shitty anagrams, tenuous links to goals and character aspects, and crappy puns are the standard ✅. If Pantheon, then his choice in lifestyle that’s more about personally having fun (ultimately still Doctor compatible), with a group, in a non-competitive game which has no win condition other than enjoying the game, though rip to the NPC’s being played with as character, would definitely put him somewhat apart from the wreaking havoc on the universe others. If a Pantheon member, he literally did choose his own name from D&D.

-Just generalised throughout: Rogue is not actually suave. Some people find his secret awkwardness under the posh gear charming. The Master is not suave and is awkward, but desperately tries to style it out like he is anyway, that’s just his character. ✅

-We kinda feel like we’re going into some Karny Shobogony kind of cave area, we’re not, but just for the hitting home that this is another Upper Class Gallifrey mirror for the season. You don’t need to think the Master’s involved for this, don’t worry, wasn’t in Dot And Bubble was he, but that was a clear enough mirror. A person appearing as a servant forces their way up the social ladder. If you like some mirror play and are really deep in your TC ‘what kind of person would name themselves Master’, you’re having fun. Also I can’t see that type of death lightning without thinking of Simm!Master. Costly effect, but we went with it, and it does add some panache.

-Chuldur #5 is roleplaying Emily (this is used both in her disguise and out - potentially playing the same ‘character’. We’ll come back to this too, explore more later), who will be something of our Master this evening in the Gallifrey mirror if you’re going in for it. Also coincidentally is half the mirror pair with Ruby to the Doctor and Rogue. “Emily, please-” “But you consume me sir. I think of you every waking hour and I hate myself for it!” yeah we know babe… Anyone else hearing Dhawan!Master’s “I cannot bear that”?

-“I love these old skies” - all the stars makes it arguably sound more like a Flux reference rather than just light pollution. And we all know what event by who triggered that off.

-Finally we get more lines from Rogue, this has all been very one-sided. “Do you never stop chattering?” - a frequent refrain of the Master, who, fun fact has told the Doctor to shut up in every incarnation in New Who (and probably Old but this is the trivia I have) ✅

-If Rogue is supposedly wanting to stop the bad birdies, real weird he doesn’t give an appropriately flying fuck about the mysterious lone shoe. And simply says “I suggest look for the other shoe” like it doesn’t matter with a shrug. Because the Master is stupid and shite at keeping in-character. ✅ Makes sense if he’s on the bad guy’s team though. Also Cinderella. Noticing themes in today’s mirror subtext.

-They find it plus corpse. “And you knew. You didn’t even flinch.” Actually wrong, the Doctor can’t see behind him but we can. Rogue doesn’t flinch at the shoe, or coming up to the body, but when the Doctor says it’s the Duchess, Rogue does a slight ‘oh’ lean back, and then a sigh with a bit of a slump. To me this reads as a ‘oh you fucking idiots’ for doing it this blatantly, but I won’t mark it, cus you could argue that ultimately maybe a bounty hunter might care more about the death of the duchess in particular and sigh about it etc. (Or he is Pantheon roleplayer getting annoyed his gang can’t stick to a character and risking the outline going off-track and more bodycounty). “And you knew” - Rogue doesn’t keep eye contact but closes his eyes, opens them immediately up and a little to the side, thinking of what to say next style. ((This specific circumstance he couldn’t have known about prior, cus the murder happens while he’s inside))

-“This is a murder far beyond the technologies of planet Earth. It could only be done by someone brilliant.” “And monstrous.” [-horny flirting tone looking him up and down] “And ruthless.” “And contemptible.” Both: “You.” He is the Master and in with the bird gang. No bounty hunter with a heart of gold is calling the murderer brilliant because also, may have been easy to miss, but the Doctor hasn’t done anything brilliant yet unless you include owning a scanner and briefly infodumping about constellations. That is a Master talking about himself kinda line. ✅

-The Doctor thought Rogue was a murderer who was calling himself brilliant, and it only made him more horny, and proceeded to dance along with that little two-step. If I’m Master-brained, what’s he? Cus he’s usually only into one murderer. If that guy had snogged him instead of pulling the gun they’d have fucked right then and there, that scene has so much sexual tension that should not be there.

-Edit - courtesy of @katoska: “#though dimensionally transcendental pockets would explain where he'd hidden that big gun in that form fitting outfit.” - And why wouldn’t you have given him one of Jack’s guns, they’re all smaller? But they made Rogue a huge one.

-“So who do you think I am?” “I know you’re a Chuldur.” “The shapeshifters? Ha, I’ve heard of them. I’ve never met one,” *tilting head back towards Rogue and smiling* “Unless I have.” Please, if nothing else, come out of this thinking at minimum he is bad birdie Chuldur #6. Maybe we’re rewriting Frobisher. Heavily, heavily rewriting.

-“[his ship] cloaked behind that shed.” Calling the TARDIS a shed. It was Three that technically said it but the Master has repeatedly expressed his disdain for our beautiful police box before so that’s a Master-fitting line, be it intentional disdain or not yet. ✅

-Won’t call it a point, but he tells us he is a bounty hunter sent here to find them for the money. (Note: not kill - at the very least a bounty hunter would be bringing back the body to get, you know, the bounty). Aside from being a cheap and easy backstory it’s evidently morally bad, for all the Doctor literally goes ‘that is so…cool’ - which is absolutely not his usual position on bounty hunters.

-The thing he uncloaks the ship with? Same thing that controls the traps. How multitool. How sonic screwdriver. Or Laser screwdriver TCE as you prefer.

-His ship is a bird. It has wings, two eyes, and a beak. He is with the birds. He is The Bad Guy ✅. He is using and familiar with the bird ship; or at the insane alternative a TARDIS that completely disguised itself both outside and inside as neighbouring bird ship. There is no good guy answer for why he is in a bird ship. We never ask how the birds got here. But it was probably the bird ship. Bird ship.

-Meta so I can’t give it a point cus it’s beyond our scope but: “Oh you’re the Duchess! Of course, I should have scented you.” Not immediately recognising one of your own species when you should have sensed them thank god that’s not a mirror.

-His ship has an angular console in the middle of it with mirroring angular shape above it, the same taste in decor as the Master does with a TARDIS, like it’s almost designed to put you in mind of one, cute. ✅

-“This place is a mess.” Dhawan!Master’s TARDIS house and console room proper were a massive mess, these guys share housekeeping habits too. ✅

-“I live alone.” The Doctor notes this sort of ship would be piloted by two. Aw sad. Except he’s lying, he’s obviously lying, because he has dice on the table and he’s not playing D&D in his bird-shaped ship alone or with only two fucking people, is he? You need a group. Maybe of Bird roleplaying enthusiasts. Liar. Bad conduct. And failed to remove the evidence that contradicted the lie - dumbass Master behaviour. ✅

-Rogue declares “You’re a killer.” And the Doctor goes “Oh well,” before trying to sonic himself out of the situation, without actually defending himself against the charges. Maybe doesn’t feel the need to. For some reason.

-“What do those things do?” “It’s a trap. Triform on.” Now that could easily be a Master when he’s being sexier line, complete with his classic dumbass behaviour of declaring to the Doctor that something’s a trap before actually springing it. ✅

-He says he is going to send the Doctor to the incinerator. Why? ‘Uh he’s a bounty hunter’ Yeah. So why would he burn the evidence that would get him the money? Can’t just rock up and say ‘I dealt with it I pinkie-promise’.

-The Doctor attempts to sonic his way out of the trap before it finishes charging. Rogue says immediately that it’s deadlocked. The one thing that stops a sonic screwdriver. You can’t deny, that is the level of forethought the Master would manage to scrounge together. ✅

-Rogue scans the Doctor’s gadget, allowed in cus it doesn’t recognise it as dangerous device (oh the old ‘temporal grace field’ in the TARDIS, that’s a nice little mirror), and apparently the scans say it’s a screwdriver. I can’t prove this is a lie, but even we don’t think it’s a screwdriver, the last one with 14 literally was so much not a screwdriver it couldn’t unscrew screws, so unless it connects to the system with the name 15_screwdriver_1 again, feels too convenient. But a toxic Doctor fanboy would be able to identify what it was.

-I don’t know why we have a Sonic Monocular scene that cost us money and effort to produce when we could have just glanced across the table, but since all things that cost money in production have a reason, maybe the laser screwdriver style object we pan over? Point of interest but not a countable one, and either way the main argument is aligning character traits not convincing you he literally is the Master.

-“Roll for insight”, he cracked a smile, so surprising it uncloaked the Doctor’s full Scottish accent. This is the first positive character trait we have seen. We are just shy of halfway through the story.

-Telling the Doctor to “Roll for insight” after he sees the dice, is a dungeon Master’s instruction.

-of course he likes D&D, he plays it with the birds on the bird ship, he’s sent the birds he plays it with off out to continue the game in Bridgerton, he’s being their dungeon Master in real life too

-Seriously if you think Rogue is genuinely just a good guy bounty hunter and we should believe that uncritically, why would they tell us he likes roleplaying in D&D so much he picked his name from it? He roleplays. That’s one of the very few things we know about him. Why not chess? Or Minecraft? He could have liked Tetris? Why would he like roleplaying in the episode about roleplaying if him roleplaying isn’t relevant?

-The Master too adores roleplaying while also not being that great at it. Just putting that out there.

-“And it says that you’re wired for sound!” *sonics* ‘I Just Can’t Get You Out Of My Head’ by Kylie Minogue plays. *Rogue looks up in full wide-eyed uh-oh then turns to the Doctor* “Now this is a surprise.” - I mean, yeah, it is actually. I mean why would there be such anachronistic music playing in a ship owned by a guy from…well funny I guess he never said and the Doctor never asked. Well from a species like…well alright uh guess we didn’t do that either. Said ‘planet Earth’ that’s a pretty alien way of phrasing it. “Hey but in the Whoniverse Britney Spears’ Toxic is a traditional Earth ballad”, and maybe usually I’d let it go, but this is the second anachronistic bit of music we’ve heard, and the third we hear later is even more pointed to draw your attention to it. No. It’s weird. You know who it wouldn’t be weird to though? Our pop loving Master! And that’s the most Thoschei Thesis Statement song in Kylie’s repertoire! ✅ (Or Pantheon sharing daddy’s Spice Girls thing for 90’s pop). The Master would also absolutely have forgotten to delete his playback history before all this and pull an ‘oh shit’ face not from embarrassment but cus he knows this looks fucky because he doesn’t have a poker face he’s an idiot that panics the second anything in his plans ever goes wrong. ✅

-The Doctor mouthing: “Boy your loving is all I think about.” A sentiment that’s cropped up multiple times now this episode. Also in a Master mirror. Mhm. It’s a sickness babes.

-But hey we’re up to two positive character traits for Rogue so far - likes D&D and Kylie (both anachronisticly).The Doctor was willing to follow him out and blow him in the shrubbery for less, and honestly, respectable. “I just have a crush on prettyboy American Mr Darcy” is a defence, not a good one, but still.

-The Doctor and Master with one turning the music on and the other trying to turn it off would be a scene, you can imagine it, don’t lie, you’re imagining Missy and Twelve right now. (I think for annoyer-and-annoyed Three and Delgado could go either way depending on the episode. How appropriate for them.) ✅

-Also Rogue attempting to snatch the sonic screwdriver from the taller Doctor’s hand as he plays keep-away. Bitchy, gay, very character-breaking with the rest of the episode, deeply funny. The Master would. ✅ Then gathering himself, putting on the I’m In Charge voice and holding out his hand for the Doctor to hand it over and he does. (Huh, have you guys as a whole watched Delgado? Is this what creates the ‘the Master would never’? Cus actually if you’ve not seen these two just be a bit silly with each other and think that’s just fan characterisation that would actually explain a lot. Eh, but Missy and Twelve(/Clara) have some silly too, if not Three and Delgado level. Hm, to ponder).

-Psychic paper would also not work on the Master and he would say “it says ‘you’re hot’” to fluster the Doctor. Also we know he’s lying about it saying that, because he’s the one saying he’s seen it written, yet immediately follows up as the Doctor babbles with, Rogue: “Is it ‘you’re hot’, or I’m hot’?” Rogue would know which word was written the funny ambiguity is only from the non-seer’s side on hearing the other person say ‘you’re’. ✅

-“Suits you, flustered, it’s a good look for you.” Finally we get some fun confidence - which only appears the second he actually gets an upper hand with the Doctor on the back foot. Like someone else we know. Also yet again we have the phrase “a good look” for you in this episode all about shapeshifting. The phrase is applied to Rogue by the Doctor, to the Doctor from Rogue, and among the birds to each other. It establishes an equivalence between them, which is odd if Rogue is supposedly the only one not shapeshifting and roleplaying.

-The boss thing, callback to the Meep. Again this isn’t a ‘convince you it really is the Master’ thing, it’s character analysis that their traits overlap and he is a bad guy. But since we’re here, the Master is often technically working for someone else he intends to double-cross while thinking he’s ahead of them (nearly every time incorrectly), and we know he is/will be involved with the Pantheon — given this guy is a dice rolling gameplayer, the Master gambling and losing to the Toymaker, just vibes like it’d be out of order and future toothening imo — while there’s nothing to say our hidden ‘The Boss’ is Pantheon, I’m gonna Occam’s Razor and assume both those plot threads tie together, and for now that’s a reasonable way to explain how the Master got involved with the Toymaker at all.

-“I’m just so trigger happy.” Literally a Master line, and one we just had: “Oh, shoot. I should've said, somebody needs to cut you down to size, then zapped you. I was just trigger-happy. I'll use it next time.” ✅

-Floating Doctor heads literally the Master’s nightmare. Literally literally but I can’t remember where from and ‘master nightmare floating head doctor who’ gets you about as useless information as you’d imagine.

-Look. Rogue goes from confidently being about to kill the Doctor. The Doctor forces the scanner to show some other of his faces with the psychic paper, does his whole speech saying he’s “not a Chuldur. I’m something much older and far more powerful. A Lord of Time from the lost and fallen planet of Gallifrey” (this is a special surprise that will help us later) “Now, let me go, bounty hunter. We have work to do.” It is cringe, it is up himself and lording over others which is nearly always punished, the Doctor uses his special Deep And Majestic voice, and our stoic confident Rogue is suddenly wide-and-starry-eyed and breathily says, “Wow.” In the fakest response I have ever seen. Sadly I am not allowed more than one video. But oh my God, if you need a refresher it’s 18:14. And if you think it isn’t fake, yes you need the refresher.

You can’t be buying that OwO “Wow”. You think that was the turning point? I know I’m supposed to provide better analysis, but the writing is cringe, the acting is completely counter to what it was a moment ago for both parties, is over the top, and you think a bounty hunter would do a 180 from that?? Why?? ‘Oh you’re showing me the faces you’ve been before, yeah, I know, you’re a shapeshifter’. Nothing in the scanner says he’s a Time Lord, just the words from his mouth, why would he not be lying to save his own skin? And again, what would a Time Lord mean in the universe now? Who gives a shit, if you know what they are you know they’re all dead and reasonable shot you’re happy about that. Failing even that, Rogue is working for the same Boss as the Meep - if the word Time Lord rang a bell it’d be cus Fourteen caused problems last time ‘bring him to me’, surely. “Wow” uwu so cool! Really??? Nothing, not a thing Rogue has done so far, indicates he would be “Wow” to that. Not a damn thing.

Fakest response I’ve ever seen - Groff is actually a good actor so it’s supposed to be fake, at least one of the writers is award winning and may well be both, and Ncuti went out of his way to make it look like unnatural arrogance that doesn’t fit with the previous acting choices either in this scene or the whole show so far. So either all these people were crap at their jobs, or, it’s supposed to smell like bullshit. Would the Master look exactly as fake going “wow” because his character needs to have the heel-turn now? Yes ✅. And that you pulled this speech in front of him would complete its vast circle of cringe and roleplaying.

And what happens next? We cut straight to Ruby and Cosplaying Chuldur #5: [Giggling] “We can’t keep hiding like this!” You guys are smart, don’t pretend you’re not smart, if you follow me you know how good writing works, and are choosing to ignore the meta and mirrors and themes of the episode in a way you wouldn’t with a normal Rusty-written one that you’d sit and deeply analyse. Different writers yes, but smart and capable and award winning ones. These aren’t two disparate stories smushed together, they’re the same story in different keys, that’s the Rule One here.

Continuing, Ruby tries to convince High Society Lord- Lady that she doesn’t have to marry another Lord but could be a normal person, and then the Lady says “I’ll marry someone lesser, and smaller…it may not be love but perhaps a kindly smile at dinner…and then a shared grave” cus she doesn’t want a normal person, that’s what Ruby wants her to want, she wants to marry her kinda shitty Lord. Because that’s what this fantasy roleplay is all about.

Okay essay portion over we got out of hand, bullet points, re-engage.

-A motherfucking owl hoots, with the subtitle “owl hoots”, while Rogue recloaks the giant bird ship, giving us a second look at it again, making sure we get the full distance shot and shimmery cloaking effect to highlight the wings if they get lost in the shadows. Rogue. Is with. The birds. It’s a bird ship. There is no good guy explanation for the bird ship and its D&D equipment that can only be used by multiple people in our episode about obsessive-roleplaying birds.

-Rogue has now packed. ‘What?’ Rogue has now packed. He is now carrying a small bag, cross-body strap over his shoulder. We will not use anything from this bag or see him access it or acknowledge it at all. He’s just brought it with him. Perhaps like he knows he’s not going to be going back to the ship again. Curious.

Dice Bag propoganda post

-“You ready for this?” [low tone] “It’s not my first shed.” - woah woah woah, where’s all the sparkle of a minute ago babes, I thought you were ‘OwO wow’, if you know what a Time Lord is you know what a TARDIS is, but you’re not excited no mo? Or he’s doing it to deliberately make the TARDIS inside reveal cooler in contrast because he knows how much the Doctor likes this moment.

-“O my God” - haha namedrop. This happens to be Mastery behaviour cus this is just the Dhawan!Master pretending to be O entering the TARDIS scene. You were catfished by this before, come on babes. ✅

-“Come with me, and we’ll be, in a world of pure imagination…” - what are you imagining babes? Are ya roleplaying son? Cosplaying? Engaging in a bit of the old fantasy right now. No? He’s just feeling in a chocolatey kind of mood? Uhuh.

-“I’m in love!” - Now isn’t this a 180 on the character? From so reticent and ‘most serious man on earth’ to loudly declaring his love for the ship. Which just so happens to be the Doctor’s number one kink. And what does the TARDIS do in response? She growls. Rule one basic storytelling - the new boyfriend is evil, we knew cus the beloved dog growls at him. Rogue said he was in love and she growled. Gave Jack a bar, an ensuite, and let him tinker with her insides. But to Rogue she growls. Baddie. ✅

-The TARDIS lights are in a red-and-white checkerboard pattern. Our dimensionally transcendental TARDIS is literally a 5d chessboard. I won’t count it, but come on.

-Speaking of dimensionally transcendental, that’s exactly what Rogue called her. Yet didn’t anticipate a TARDIS thirty seconds ago. It takes work to argue he knows about dimensionally transcendental spacetime ships but not know of TARDISes that Time Lords travel in, but does know enough about Time Lords to be dazzled by them when he clearly isn’t of earthly Lords. Much easier to go ‘eh’ keeping the story straight when you’ve got extra knowledge you’re pretending you don’t have, but also need to come across as intelligent, is hard. We’ve all played D&D or at least Let’s Pretend. It’s hard. Lying is hard.

-After a quick “and so clean” back-and-forth, Rogue runs up the stairs, hand on the bannister and leans on the railing. The TARDIS growls again, louder, like a whale. Like she did in the episode with the Not-Things, and with The Maestro. (Arguably her ‘Pantheon’ noise?) Both of them notice. Rogue’s expression immediately turns from an awed open-mouthed smile to blankness, with a head tilt and turn, slowly coming back. “What was that?” The Doctor claims indigestion and she doesn’t like bounty hunters. Not true of the ones with hearts of gold. We’ve seen her with Jack, and River, and she adores them. “It’s the moral void - no offence.” So you’re admitting it. Stating it directly. He’s not got a heart of gold, the omnipotent spacetime ship can see that he’s a moral void. That is what you have said. ✅

-“And this, from the ancient and fallen world of Gallifrey…Where the hell is that?” *buzzer* Wrong. You tried to be clever and aren’t - that wasn’t the line. The line was ‘lost and fallen’ not ‘ancient and fallen’. Oh but Gallifrey is ancient though- *buzzer* He says in the same sentence he doesn’t know of Gallifrey. And yet, he got all wide and starry-eyed over a Time Lord, when he is saying he knows nothing about them. Why? Because he can’t keep his character straight pun intended, which is a character trait of another undercover ex-agent we know. ✅

-“Well I might take you one day.” - bananas response by the Doctor for multiple reasons. ‘I’ll take you to my lost and fallen homeworld’ ok what? Second, Fifteen has for once been very open about his loss in this regard, said repeatedly that it’s gone, and how much it hurts him. Said it to Ruby, to Carla, to complete strangers. But here he’s out of character. Why? Maybe he’s roleplaying one that doesn’t hurt. Maybe because he thinks it’s the Master and is fucking with him. But I’m going with the roleplaying and saying what this character feels. Fucky from the Doctor rather than Rogue.

-“In a few minutes it will no longer be a deathtrap, you are welcome.” [Rogue casually] “Why, what does it do now?” This is all important but also pause to reflect for a moment on whether the character we saw up to this point would have handed his essential survival and work gear to a shapeshifter who claimed to be a Time Lord with zero proof and let him just modify it however. ‘He’s just a very trusting bounty hunter, is all.’ I mean he wasn’t at the start of all this though, was he.

-Doctor boundaries: I can’t let you kill it, “So instead we will transport it to a random barren dimension, no-one to hurt, no way back.” Passing over the obvious, the Doctor is the one programming this. We agree we’re probably not literally installing a randomiser onto the device, we’re just randomly picking one and assigning those coordinates. How do you know it’s barren? Oh the TARDIS is dimensionally transcendental we just reminded people, so she can probably see, she’s picking it. Ok. …So there’s no reason she wouldn’t have a record of what she set it to. That’s information we should have. Ok. Which are the letters Rogue says. Ok. What about your bounty job? Not even a response to the no-killing? Or that this seems worse if anything? No. Just ok. We’re saying that a lot in this episode. Ok. Just going along with things. Ok. I know what that word means. Ok.

-“Who did you lose?” “How do you know?” “Cus I know.” Cus we covered this earlier actually when he mentioned the usually two-person’s for captaining an asteroid hopper. Forgot? No worries Rogue, been a long ten minutes. No attempt to make a proper backstory just stares at the Doctor like a cow looking at an oncoming train and goes, “There was- …Yeah. We travelled together, we had fun, you know. And then a day came along, and at the end of that day…I lost them.” Now if this was the Master you’d be saying no shit he can’t provide details and only parrot what the Doctor always says in these situations, he is a moral void, bro has one friend and only knows what it’s like to love that one friend obsessively, he can’t even empathise enough to improvise a backstory that feels realistic. Maybe only lies have details but you can argue my guy didn’t even commit to a gender. It’s also a valid read to assume he’s just short on words at losing his fellow they/them bounty-hunter crook friend. Maybe the OwO Time Lord thing is enough to make him open up a little even if the Doctor’s done nothing to earn that trust yet. But both work just fine, if it was the Master it’d be how he’d do it. ✅

-“What about you?” The Doctor’s expression hardens here. Maybe cus it just hurts. Maybe for other reasons. [coldly, we linger on him] “I lost everyone.” Rogue still with too-wide-cow-train eyes . “But at the party I saw you with that woman...” That tone. And how we immediately wave his ‘Best Friend’ aside. Look, again it’s a watch the scene. These two are good actors, they’re excellent. And down to the ‘huh’ head tilt before Groff’s line with every microexpression he is radiating a guy playing a role while still trying to poke his roleplaymate in his open wound with a stick. There has never been just one layer in anything in the show so far why would it start now in the episode about cosplaying people to death do you part, why? Why?? The one mirror everyone can accept is Captain Jack and he was literally a con man. This is a con man you are being conned. If you look at his face and think he’s being earnest you are extra weak to con men do not give strangers your credit card details. Didn’t you have jerk friends? We all had jerk friends. That is the expression the jerk friend made when they were just asking questions *blink* *blink* don’t get upset. Or Groff is a garbage actor. But he isn’t. Just the character he’s playing is crap at acting. Go back and watch O, the cow-eyes are textbook liar, any liar, but especially the Master ✅. They’re doing a scene, it is diegetic. The acting is diegetic.

-“You don’t have to stay a bounty hunter, [beat pause] Rogue.” You can say it’s just cus he knows Rogue isn’t his real name but the Doctor’s usually fine with that sort of thing. “You could travel with me[…]the worlds I could show you…” “And what if I like what I do? Would you travel with me?” “That is quite an argument. ((No it isn’t he doesn’t like bounty hunters)) I’ll tell you what, when we both get out of this, let’s argue across the stars.” This is the Doctor and Master scene, we do these scenes every incarnation all the way since half-share in the universe, you don’t have to think he’s the Master but we know these lines damn well are. ✅

-They nearly kiss but the TARDIS cockblocks them with a beep of being finished with the rewiring, because again, she doesn’t like the moral void, and does not want the Doctor to stick his dick in it. And what does the Doctor say as he steps back from their almost kiss? “The trap is ready.”

-[Rogue is sans new bag for the indoor scenes here, I believe this is just a costuming error that happened from them probably reshooting the dancing a bajillion times, it will come back when they’re back outside again and in every subsequent scene onwards]

-They meet back up with Rubes and Roleplaying Chuldur #5. Ruby asks a very good question. “Ok, but what does anyone get out of killing these people? I mean I know they’re posh nobs and all that, but we found the housekeeper dead. I mean why would anybody do that?” And the Doctor, instead of saying ‘it’s how they steal their bodies they’re shapeshifters’ says the meta-important answer first. “The dance. The drama. The emotion.” THIS IS ABOUT GALLIFREY. High society here is a mirror for the aforementioned fallen Gallifrey. The Master didn’t just genocide the Time Lords, he killed every Shobogon/lay-Gallifreyan without Child-stolen regenerations, he killed every TARDIS, every living thing on the planet. Why? The drama.

-“It’s cosplay. All of this is cosplay.”

-The Doctor turns to a non-plussed looking Rogue and says: “You said that a Chuldur comes to a planet and tries on people like outfits just for the fun of it.” …Wh- when? When did he say that?? (I’m being facetious - he doesn’t). Also does that seem rich coming from the ‘multiple costume changes per episode’ Doctor? Mirrors.

-(If the background music here is Vitamin String Quartet I don’t recognise it unfortunately. Fun Fact, I used them exclusively as background music for my own wedding, cus I thought it’d be fun for people to try and guess the songs if things got boring and it’d be a conversation starter. Ate my wedding cake to Poker Face. We like resonating with the universe here.)

-“Those TV signals beam out across the stars.” “What are these T-V signals?” I can’t add more than one video, so if you’re not willing to take the description on faith it’s 24:45. But watch Rogue here. He slightly turns to her with a little glare and that exact same frustrated little sigh he did with the Duchess corpse earlier. Dungeon Master’s stupidest soldier? Cus you’d think if he was annoyed she was being anachronismatised (real word), he’d have given the Doctor the shut up glare but doesn’t give him bother for it at all. Maybe he’s just a conflict averse bounty hunter. But that’s what the Master would have done, he has low lackey/idiot friend tolerance. Both reads valid. ✅

-The Doctor dances, we know what that’s a metaphor for and what episode it’s from. Good thing Rogue knows all the moves ahead of time.

-Just putting the reminder here cus there’s no clear place - I go with Master because Dungeon Master, I’m A Bad Guy, the mirrors *gestures at everything above* etc. but mostly because this is a deliberate attempt to cosplay Jack. Thus it requires someone who has watched the show. The Pantheon, the Master seems like a good bet, however, could admittedly be Chulder #6 (and they’re just supposed to be a very strong but purely mirror for the Master) and because of their different dimension-ness has watched the show on TV and has figured out how their self-insert is gonna bang the Doctor. But one way or the other, our baddie here has seen Doctor Who The TV Show in the same way the birds watched Bridgerton and this is an intrinsic part of this that shouldn’t be separated. That we have a fanboy who is deliberately cosplaying Jack and invoking him and references to that episode is important.

-Rogue: “So what is this ancient Earth tradition of cosplay?” No-one said it was ancient (twice now), no-one said it was Earth, no-one said it was tradition, even Ruby had to clarify ‘so you mean it’s literally dressing up and playing at Bridgerton?’ Rogue almost certainly already knows what it means. And we know the birds do. This is our baddie having fun. Because as the Doctor says next: “Oh, Rogue. It’s when fans dress up as characters that they like.” (Point to Pantheon, because roleplaying the Master would be dressing up as a character from Doctor Who that they like).

-General note again: both prior to but especially 13’s era really spent some subtext time building up the whole ‘The Doctor’ and ‘The Master’ are roles they play. If you know you know. We’ve been continuing on Chibs’s themes. Just reminding.

-The Doctor takes the male i.e. leading position judging by the other couples visible. As per traditional Thoschei.

-Lights dim in our usual diegetic/non-diegetic playing that we’ve been doing. Soft point to Pantheon - remember if The Rogue’s theme is Roleplaying it must be a double bluff for him to actually be being skilled at it, and he is cosplaying the Master cosplaying the Doctor, with the conceit that the Doctor gets this but not that it’s someone cosplaying the Master, thus he’s winning. If he is Pantheon this is the only potential evidence of fuckery besides having brought non-native-dimensional creatures into ours, which we do have other explanations for.

-“We need to have a big fight so one of us can storm out and the Duchess follow us.” “The Chuldur cosplay, not me.” Mhmm. You had D&D dice. But regardless if you buy that, we have now spontaneously swapped from engaging starry-eyed Personality B, back to Personality A: strong and silent.

-“How dare you my Lord! You would ask me to give up my title? My fortune? But what future can you promise me? *Rogue shaking his head, not good at deviations from the script, nor is the Master fwiw* ✅ “You cad! Tell me what your heart wants, or I shall turn my back forever!” “I…” Fifteen whispers, “Say anything.” If you are not internally writing the pre-show Doctor/Master fanfiction I cannot help you. Jo describing the Master like a jilted lover or whatever the hell it was. But at least here, with admittedly a little open-mouthed smirky smile, Rogue gets down on one knee and offers his ring. (From non-marriage hand, 4th finger, don’t completely see him pull it off but he was wearing it in the dance scene). If we are re-writing history with this cosplay, which given the Doctor’s reaction he certainly seems to consider it meaningful, that’s definitely what the Master would do here. ‘This is what I wanted you to do back then.’ ✅

-Obviously the Master has used that sort of flat-topped large round ring before, we’ve had the callback to it with the red-nailed woman and the tooth just recently. The insignia is not entirely decipherable. Most default I’ve seen is an angel (Master coding, especially if we’re wearing it upside-down hoo), I’ve also seen a ‘rod of asclepius with 3d coiling tails’ (A Doctor fanboy who has come prepared for this moment), and just plain bird of some kind given the little wings.

-The Doctor says a very genuine “Sorry I can’t- …I ca-” and runs off. (Which definitely happened the first time). This almost certainly isn’t River trauma, Twelve wore the implied wedding ring until it fell off when he regenerated. And we’re just supposed to be making a scene and this is an obvious way to do it - he’s already nearly kissed him and invited him, the Doctor put relationship on the cards, and could easily still be haha fun joke but you are still coming right? If it was just Yaz Making Everything Feel Like Touching A Hot Mind Stove then the near kiss feels like that would have been included in the trauma reaction. So presumably engagement based triggering specifically. Probably not from Cameca either. That had cocoa involved.

-Rogue seems a little surprised at this reaction. Fair all round, the Master might not have expected it either, but also the sort of thing a fanboy might not have been able to pre-empt - it wasn’t in the show after all.

-They actually join back together almost immediately and they run outside, so it wasn’t that overwhelming.

-“Oh, we must play them!” - no ‘aha’s’ from the peanut gallery, we already saw the birds can potentially not recognise each other in costume, and in the baddie camp (bird ship, he’s in a bird ship) we can be pretty sure that Rogue didn’t arrive here looking like Mr Darcy since none of the others were pre-costumed and just nicked people when they got here. (number 2 shows they didn’t pre-organise characters - “nice costume”). If Chulder #6 - nicked a guy. If Pantheon - conjured himself a bespoke Darcy form. If the Master potentially still body-stealing or simply we’re cloaked - remember the electronic interference from the start that pointed the Doctor to him specifically rather than the Chuldur? Dhawan!Master previously cloaked himself, plenty of scope there. (Why would the Master need to cloak? If the Doctor’s already familiar with his form. Either from other plans or the fact that, well, there’s a world where this could literally still be Dhawan!Master.)

-The Master nicks bodies by the way, for New Who-onlys. We haven’t actually done it for a while, and for earring interference reasons I don’t believe we’re doing it now, but it’s actually a Classic Who staple.

-“Now keep the Duchess talking, a Chuldur is strong, and if she starts to change you it won’t stop.” First, now that’s a meta, second, do we want to add a sketchy point for the gendering of the Chuldur? Cus we’ve seen one of them explicitly say they’re fine with different bodies (‘oh I wanted to be the Duchess’)? Hm. It’s an assumption on thin ice but I’ll allow it. We don’t ask Rogue why he knows so much about the Chuldurs considering they’re different dimension beings. There are non-problematic options there to be sure. But will say that Dhawan!Master was previously messing around with different dimension beings hoping to find out if they were what the Doctor was, got trapped in their dimension at the end, and these ones are literal shapeshifters. If it is the Master, he has plenty of reason to be here with them and know a lot about them. ✅ If he is a Chuldur, well, obvious reason.

-[Rogue now has his bag back on. This is why I believe it’s a costuming error it wasn’t on indoors just then - the TARDIS and real outdoor areas were obviously filmed in very different times and places, the fact the bag travelled to both is suggestive that it was clearly supposed to be a part of his outfit at this point. BTS: the indoor and outdoor scenes were obviously filmed at different times, (3 weeks of night shoots oof) they’re not actually walking in and out of the building. But it’s also a deliberate costuming addition after the ship because he wasn’t wearing it in the night scenes where he’s holding the Doctor at gunpoint or anything. Tl;dr - no bag before the “Wow” heelturn in the ship, carries bag after.]

-There’s not one but multiple of the Chuldur shapeshifters. A ‘family’ according to Rogue. (Who are playing two characters that are getting married. Oh Doctor-Master mirrors, never change). Something you’d think would be on the bounty hunter note - are you just getting paid for the first one? Can you claim extra if you make multiple runs? These are important questions. Or not.

-“I want to be the Doctor.” …How does she know it’s the Doctor? ‘Uh, the Duchess was introduced to him earlier.’ Yeah. The Duchess. Who died. Childur 1 was still the housekeeper when that happened. She knows who the Doctor is.

-Doctor-Master inverting with the “Run.” “I’m the one who usually says that.” Our beloved theme returns to us. Of course maybe it’s just the cosplaying self-inserting whatever could be any baddie by which i mean really only Pantheon or Chulder #6. Bird ship. The Master was literally cosplaying as the Doctor the last time we saw him, like physically in the Doctors clothes. And probably underwear. Does anyone in this essay smoke weed?

-“Breaking spines! Removing tonsils! Live vivisection!” Gallifrey Time Lords mirror previously engaged, re-engage plus Timeless Child. But we uh haven’t had them do any of that stuff yet and they already suck people dry (don’t. I think it’s meant to be a kind of bolus, if you know your birds of prey) so I don’t know why this line is here. Actually maybe I do - now they’re roleplaying playing scary beasts hunting prey, doesn’t mean they’re actually going to do any of those things. Removing tonsils stands out. …We have a rogue (can’t say that now. Odd?) line from Ruby at the beginning about falling over in front of a fit dentist, the Master’s in the Toymaker’s gold tooth, tonsils feel adjacent, it’s almost certainly just funny, and it is, but if that bangs any bricks together in someone’s head go to town.

-I think the “breaking spines! removing tonsils! live vivisection” line is there to showcase that they are roleplaying Baddies. Because while murdering, they have done literally nothing like that, and it’s the sort of silly thing a child would say when playing a monster trying to think of the nastiest things a monster could do). “We still have the big finale wedding to come. And then… London. We can play our games on a magnificent scale. Parliament first, then royalty. I can be King. And we can start wars with the French and the Spanish and the Portuguese, and everyone who doesn’t look British.” This is their spitballing Season Two. As another point to all being one character and that them being Secret Monsters may be accounted for in the game - Emily is always called Emily whether humanning or in bird form.

-The Doctor and Rogue hide in the carriages. (Matilda style). If you’re building that pre-show Thoschei story, hiding from Time Lords in a TARDIS was probably already there, but if it wasn’t, now it is. Or hurr durr hiding in a carriage is funny I don’t know.

-“Back to the house. We must advance with the wedding! That should get them out of hiding.” …Bestie? What does that mean? Why would that get what we were led to believe that you believe are ‘two random interesting people one introduced to you earlier as the Doctor’ out of hiding? They have skedaddled so as not to be eaten by birds, right? They’re gone, lassie, why would they come back? …Unless she already knew who a character called the Doctor was before they were introduced? And that the Doctor’s M.O. will bring him back? Cus they’ve been watching more than one show.

-We modify the transporter: “I can make this transport gate carry four.” “What if there’s more?” “Right…Six. Six maximum.” How convenient. Personally don’t feel that worry is realistic for the character to have (while acceptable to write), and that if Rogue was as he was originally portrayed, he would be saying “Worst comes to worst, I could always…” *lifts jacket* *Doctor has brief moment of distracted horniness* “Nobody is going to be shooting anybody.” But he’s so perfect pacifist for the Doctor so quickly, I guess he just never would. Of course if he’s on their side, especially if also a Chuldur, he’s not wanting to kill any of them.

-Also feels like a Dungeon Master-whisper in the ear the Doctor just goes with: What if there’s more birds? *sets it to 4* What if there were more. *immediately sets it to 6 skipping 5 entirely*. (We talked about Missy’s comment of there always being a way out being potentially meaningful re: the Master’s traps for the Doctor; and counterbalancing the Doctor giving them a way out ‘come with me don’t be evil’. This would be a fun thing to do with that. Trying to create and order a good story and satisfying conclusion based on the Doctor and other players’ choices - pure DMing work at its finest.).

-“And I thought I was interesting. A bookish little wallflower risking it all for a secret love… But you. You are wild, and brave, and rude, living a life of adventure” again you don’t have to be team Master to enjoy the Gallifrey mirror. The potential in these mirrors for the Master is mmm gorgeous and I’m so here for it. Going back in time to when One ran away with Susan and slapping him for not proposing because he would have come with you, we could fix the universe, we-

-Question, cus I’m bored and this has become sort of a general analysis essay: When the birds transformed there were at least some people inside who screamed, you hear them. …Why is the party still here and going on and everyone’s chilling. Eh maybe Dot And Bubble explained that. Or maybe it was delayed screaming at seeing the gays. That’d be a Time Lord mirror. A marriage proposal probably gets you arrested for public indecency.

-The birds speak English, French, and German. Or at least a few words thereof. Multidimensional telly and I’m surprised it’s got foreign channels? How anglocentric of me. *shakes head*.

-“This is the endgame, Chuldur’s leave no witnesses ((yes they do they just abandoned bodies everywhere)), they’ll slaughter everyone.” If he’s not a bad guy then why, why the fuck, did he spend about fifteen minutes fucking around and not shouting “If we don’t stop the Chuldur they’re going to massacre everybody the second they stop having fun! Yeah, I’m bringing the gun!” like you mention this now??? Of course he mentions it now, he’s building dramatic tension because he is like our favourite dramatic bitch. ✅

-R:“I’m sorry.” 15:“They got her.” Ruby cosplaying as a Chuldur cosplaying as Ruby (see you thought my Pantheon cosplaying as the Master cosplaying as Jack was too much - we did double-layering in the episode itself) enters the room. Rogue gives his line but immediately turns away and watches only the Doctor and his reaction (who stares for a moment then gets up and walks away). Autism collective that we all are, this:

is not an expression of someone whose heart is breaking for his new friend. Just so we’re clear. Which is an odd choice for a new love interest - no sympathetic pain, eyes closing, not even a pat on the arm. He’s just observing what the Doctor does, and then gets up and follows the Doctor out. ✅ If he’s a good guy (he’s not, bird ship) you’re not selling him well. And if he’s a bad guy turning noble, he doesn’t have that part down yet. (Also Rogue said he’d tried looking for Ruby but they’d locked the doors. They manage to get through the section they’re in just fine. YMMV. Not enough on its own imo).

-“Madam. Your Grace …Your Birdiness. I cannot sanction wedlocke…between creatures from Hell.” They let the vicar be the one with the banger line, damn. Only one with a spine. Dead obviously but getting a high-five from some angel out there. (Me turning that into a vicar’s reaction to being asked to wed the Doctor and Master, whatever the fuck they are.)

-Speaking of which, here we explicitly see a Chuldur kill a man and copy his outfit but not his face. The Chuldur. Have no difference. Between body. And clothing. *flashback the Not-Things, and Fourteen regenerating* If you weren’t sure they were mirrors, you should be now.

-“How long do they live for?” “Chuldur?” “Mhm.” *Rogue comes up from behind to stand alongside him where he can see him.* “They have a lifespan of about six-hundred years.” “Good, good. That’s a long time to suffer.” A slight negative in ‘this can be validly read as the Master’ behaviour, because this yields only a tiny expression change of a slight raise of eyebrows, not a wild-eyed smile, and I don’t think the Master’s been able to restrain himself that well since he was Delgado. God what that man could convey with an eyebrow. Also we’ve all agreed that the funniest thing is that the plan doesn’t even change, he just knows how long their torment will last now and is happy about it, and if you ever need to explain the horror underpinning the Doctor it’s that.

-Now this is a hell of a thing to reveal about yourself to your brand new love interest and companion. That you’re down for some serious torture. Thirteen went well out of her way to be a monster only when they couldn’t see her. (Works nicely as a soft threat though. ‘If you’re involved with killing mine, I will torture you til you die or the sun does’. Good to have boundaries in a relationship.)

-“Taste his inhuman scent.” - A) Nice double-meaning line considering *gestures above*, B) Confirmation she knew earlier the Doctor wasn’t human, and so combining that with the belief he would come back if they started the wedding…

-“And I am one of a kind.” “He is quite unique…” Hold this in your mind we’ll be back to it in just a minute. *

-The birds immediately recognise the transport trap, by name, and that there’s only one third of it. Which would make a lot of sense if Rogue and the birds’ ship are the same bird ship so they’ve seen it before. Can’t be that they’ve encountered Just A Bounty Hunter Rogue before - he ‘didn’t know’ there was more than one, there’s no visual recognition, and previously it led to an incinerator not something escapable from.

-That we don’t see presumably Rogue placing the other traps, not even a glimpse of someone shuffling in the background, is to me extremely interesting. Not only like with the Carla flashback scene, playing with the unseen, but perhaps critically that this certain someone might know where the cameras are…

-Were you going “why don’t they just take their shoes off” when they got stuck in the triform? Well makes sense that they didn’t now, right?! Cus we know now there’s no difference to them between their clothing and their skin! …Admittedly Ruby…hopefully is fine and as human…well maybe not human…hopefully she’s whatever she was at the start of the episode. I, uh, maybe would mark that down as a concern though.

-Ruby’s chemistry with Lady roleplaying #5 was rewarded by attempted murder as Emily sought to turn into her. That happens a lot here. Let’s not worry about them as the partner mirror for Doctor-Rogue. Or what just happened with Dhawan!Master and 13. If you consider ‘Poker Face’ to be obviously meta-relevant here but ‘I’m The Bad Guy’ not earlier, question yourself.

-* I told you we’d be back. “She smells like a Chuldur.” “Idiot! It’s a false scent from that cheap psychic jewellery!” - The Doctor smells unique but this doesn’t mean they aren’t palling around with the Master. We’re specifically given a reason for this to not be an issue and well, I guess that would explain why she gets earring interference when Rogue’s around huh? If they’re using the same technology. (Same goes for a Chuldur faking being a human etc.)

-Do I believe the Master could perform a fireman’s lift to yeet #5, yes surprisingly, he is actually physically strong, a fencer, rower, and it’s been noted before. (Ainley’s six pack haunts me still). Dhawan!Master in particular has lugged corpses. It’s only running he doesn’t do/have stamina for. However, do I think he would risk it in-situ just for cool points? Don’t know. However, for this free bit of mental torture to work, the final bird has got to be in the enclosure. If it’s not all or nothing, then of course the Doctor would release Ruby. To get the Doctor to have to choose either to kill his companion or the world? He would carry the earth like Atlas. ✅

And that’s what he immediately proceeds to do with no hesitation. ✅

“Doctor, press send. We’ve only got one chance.” “I can’t.” “Press. The button.” *The Doctor openly, loudly panicking* “It will send Ruby!” “No, Doctor, it’s fine.” “NO! No! No! No!” “If you don’t press send, the Chuldur will escape and Ruby dies anyway.”

The Rogue that you think is real is not doing this. Is not convincing the Doctor to kill his companion. He is taking out his gun, and shooting the struggling birds while they are still stuck to the glue trap. It’s not a nice thing. But it is the Heart Of Gold thing. But he’s not that. He’s just The Bad Guy. ✅

“They’ll kill us. Then this house. Then London. Then the world. You know that. You absolutely know it.”

He doesn’t. The Doctor doesn’t know a thing about the Chuldur other than that they are shapeshifters and what he’s seen. How does he even know what London is?? And he wasn’t there for the scene where the Chuldur said it themselves.

He can’t have logicked that out. There were a few deaths sure, but one housekeeper and a duchess not only isn’t ‘these are extremely dangerous and fast killing machines’-worthy, that leap doesn’t make sense.

It’s not even true in their possibly-just-roleplay Baddie Plan. ‘And we’ll start wars with x y and z and everyone who isn’t British! Bloodshed, cannons, gunpowder!’, like that is a lonnnnnnng plan. Like I said before this situation is no ‘we don’t have time to run away and regroup’ thing, they’re slow killers, and especially with Ruby with battle mode engaged she at least would be fine. But it’s that taking over London bit. Very specifically. He claims he hasn’t met them, doesn’t know how many there are, he’s not admitting to any prior knowledge of these guys. So the only way he comes up with that line is if he already knew what they wanted out of their campaign in the first place.

They have not yet proven any more dangerous than any human gunman, in fact less, they clearly can’t spray bullets, they kill one at a time and so far only people they’ve wanted the appearance of in some way. They have been in rooms crammed with people who survived the encounter. Are you going to have to leg it to the TARDIS to regroup? Yes. Would people die? Sure. But probably not her, she’s fast and has a battle bot controlling her movements. Multiple posh nobs have died already and we only got a little sad over the housekeeper. Our hearts will survive. The one putting the pressure on the situation is not the Chuldur. It’s Rogue. There is no time limit. No rush. It’s waiting for you to press the button on the Laser TCE- I mean control stick. But Rogue is not giving him a second to think. ✅

*Rogue approaches, step by step.*

“So can you do it?”

GUYS, your supposed hero is TORTURING the Doctor, who is fucking ugly crying his two broken little hearts out. ✅

“Can you lose your friend to save the world.”

‘I am very sane and staring at you in a normal way the normal amount. Choose to kill your friend yourself, or choose to allow the genocide of every person on this planet including her. I want to see you choose, choose, choose.’

“Ok, but what does anyone get out of killing these people? I mean I know they’re posh nobs and all that, but we found the housekeeper dead. I mean why would anybody do that?”

“Remember how we used to run through those streets as children? The alleys where we'd hide from Borusa as we skipped classes? All gone now. Come on, ask me why I did this.”

*Sobbing Doctor shakes his head, making his decision* [quietly] “No.”

*Rogue with hitherto unseen tenderness, wiping one of his tear away* “I know.”

No, he doesn’t! If he is a random fucking bounty hunter he does not in fact know that. He knows because he already knows the Doctor. From real life or from being a bad guy who just kind of likes to watch TV - which actually I guess does describe the Master✅✅

*Rogue kisses him. Because a tortured ugly crying Doctor is hot to him.* ✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅✅

(If I need to explain why the Master snogging the Doctor here, or the fact that he genuinely loves him in his own twisted way, you can’t be helped, or maybe were just a Ten viewer when you were 8 so missed stuff, and have watched nothing else in the show and just stumbled back in here - go watch Twelve there’s Simm!Master in it for you, and Thirteen’s second series onwards).

Live ‘About To Be Ripped Apart By Murderous Birds In Another Dimension If She Even Physically Survives The Trip’ Slug Reaction. Ruby straight up like ‘well at least he won’t be alone’, babes we’re gonna get you some sertraline, a psychologist, it’s gonna be ok, you’re worthy of life, we’re gonna get you help, we have a therapy circle.

The grin and hoppidy-skip jump Rogue does here when they break for air and he’s holding the Laser TCE/controller is a level of happiness we have yet to see from Rogue. A still cannot do it justice. (40:17 - though if you’re going, may as well watch the whole torturing scene from 39:00). It’s a bit more than a wee smile.

Then Rogue leaps over and knocks Ruby out of the triangle! Something he could apparently have done at literally any time before or during torturing the Doctor to his breaking point!

Why can he do this when she is molecularly bonded to the floor? We don’t know! It’s not explained! But he clearly knows his fucking device doesn’t he?! Why didn’t he tell the Doctor at any point that it would be possible to get Ruby out with a thing called a matter exchange? Who knows?! Maybe it slipped his mind til the last moment? The Doctor being the one to take her place would sure have been an answer, but oh well!

‘Maybe he didn’t want to risk his life for Ruby’s unless he really had to.’ - Then that’s shit hero and love interest behaviour isn’t it! But since it says “Matter Exchange” I’m pretty sure he could also have knocked Ruby out of the triangle using that vicar corpse on the floor a few feet away, then neither would have to die! So he must be real sure he’s gonna be ok! ✅

He’s so happy and chill. The music is happy too. Rogue jauntily throws the bouquet - ahh look who’s next to be married *wink*. This is the happiest and funnest and most genuine he’s looked the entire episode. Almost like he got exactly what he wanted! ✅

“Find me.” *click*

Ruby you’re such a dick, why couldn’t you be as happy as him? If you’d trusted the Doctor to find you instead of you die by bird and/or dimensional anomaly before he got there this could have been such a peppy scene the whole time. It’s almost like Rogue is absolutely certain he’s not going to die doing this. You know I know a character who’s been transported to a different dimension at the end of his episode before and got out of that just fine! ✅

Almost like this was the end of a live D&D session he was hosting. That’s a wrap everyone, great job. Just imagine what I’ve got in store for us next week. Good thing the car transports all six of us together! Well done for not panicking, screaming, or interrupting what I had going on with the Doctor at the end, and trusting this wasn’t going to teleport you into an incinerator. Thanks for playing along, excellent improv as always, I’ll be marking your RP points highly.

And then the Doctor screamed “I’ll find you! I promise I’ll find you!” it was very romantic, and then he got out the sonic and started scanning everything for traces, anything, he was still upset and panicky of course, I mean his new love interest had just snogged him and given his own life to save Ruby’s. But Rogue had believed in him to do this impossible impossible task so he would. So he and Ruby ran back to the TARDIS as fast as they could, maybe she’d picked something up or *gasp* she was the one who configured the trap in the first place so maybe there would be a record of what random dimension she chose! Except she wouldn’t let them access it for some reason and she kept growling and the Doctor was crying with anger and-

No wait, none of that happened, sorry, not sure why I thought it did.

Actually the Doctor went to comfort Ruby and her comfort him, sombrely put the bouquet down where Rogue was. (And left the trap technology behind. So got engaged and invented a glue/tarmac trap.) The Doctor remotely sent the Bird Ship to orbit around the moon, “so it can wait…as long as it takes”. In the 19th century. …Babe, you know they can see the moon, right? They have telescopes. This is a mavity waiting to happen.

(Genuinely choosing not to think about how we last left Dhawan!Master messing about with the two moons in the 1900’s, I’mma be real, I don’t know what was going on and when there, hope it doesn’t fit in actually because I’m not gonna get it. If he’s the Master he turns up, that’s all I ever need to know.)

-“Can’t we use the TARDIS and go find him?” Ruby asks. Good question. If the TARDIS can determine whether a dimension is uninhabited or not that’s definitely gonna narrow it down. Maybe she could outright search for him? If she, you know, didn’t hate his moral void.

-“There are as many dimensions as there are atoms in the universe.” *Ruby arm cuddles* “Anyway! It is what it is, so onwards, fine, next.” So is it ‘as long as it takes’ or are you not even going to try and find him? That and the bouquet really feels like you’re giving him up for dead and just hoping he finds his way back himself some day. It’s not what you were told to do. You can wear that ring and salute the sky with a smile all you like. He said “Find him.” Bad fiancé behaviour.

Cus the thing is, here is the ‘uwu small bean Rogue’ paradox. If this is just a normal guy, he’s not making it back on his own. He’s dying to the birds. The Doctor isn’t looking for him, and Rogue clearly didn’t think he could return on his own - he says “Find me” not “I’ll be back”. So if you believe we’re going to see Rogue again…he’s going to not be a normal guy, but be the type who can survive and make his own way back from a wrong dimension surrounded by free murderous birds. *piano rendition of The Cat Came Back starts playing* ✅

But luckily he’s not normal. He’s a man/bird with so much forethought he knew he wasn’t going to be coming back to his bird ship and took whatever it was that can save him from a teleport trap from the spaceship with him in that bag. Always have a getaway plan. That’s Masterful thinking. Unless you just think he wanted his wallet and keys on him ✅ (Point against Pantheon though - pretty sure being able to move reality around doesn’t require props. But then D&D. Maybe he just likes props.)

-“Doctor, you don’t have to be like this.” “I have to be like this because this is what I’m like.” And in our story about roleplaying, shouting out our longtime theme of the most important roleplaying of all, that we follow a character who’d rather be called Lulubelle playing The Doctor™. Doctor Who is a show.

-The fires whole and reflected and internal everywhere, like our Gallifrey mirror is on fire.

-Final additional literal-meta that may be of interest: the costume designer said Ncuti’s outfit is designed as a nod to Three - the original Thoschei pairing origin. We canonise Shalka!Doctor - famously and frankly exclusively known as ‘that animated one who made a robot boyfriend Master to be his Companion’, with lines in the episode Cornell said was indeed intended to suggest a relationship there and would have continued had that pilot been picked up. Relevant or not we’ll see.

And to all those who read that and yet still think that I am just very cynical and mean, and he really does have a single heart of gold, he’s just got flat affect and is socially awkward and autistic maybe and-

His ship IS A FUCKING BIRD. OWL HOOTS.

🎉 You did it! You read the full analysis! Great job! You passed Media Overanalysis, Rogue Edition. I told you it was a 10K. Look at how much you just read that had already been effectively covered in the first minute with just one thing.

“I’m The Bad Guy. Duh.”

(‘I am now convinced, but do you have a blessedly far shorter essay about why a Chuldur/Pantheon The Rogue perfectly cosplaying the Master cosplaying Jack would be the way to go?’ Why yes I do, strawman.)

Assorted later Additions:

Pantheon!Rogue: Why the bird ship?

Maybe that’s why the ship’s so fucky actually, DM’s love their props, this is about playing D&D In The Real World, so maybe he got one originally, short hop standard Asteroid Hopper. but now they’ve just kept (perhaps Pantheon-magically) editing it over time as the campaign and rule of cool needed. Appearance, better space travel, time travel etc. “It should look like a bird!” “…Yeah! It should look like a bird! Great idea Emily, we’ll work that in!” Of course if he’s a Chuldur this is just…their ship. Maybe classicly upgraded.

What might Rogue’s original plan for the Chuldur’s live D&D Session supposed to have been:

We know they were going to have a big wedding, but maybe that they’re also Baddies going to take over the world muhahaha! Cus they went into that monster-playing real quick and also they said that the panicking and screaming is their favourite bit - so there must have been a plan to include that after the wedding part of the game! They thought the wedding would lure The Doctor out so there must have been nefariousness in it or else why would The Doctor be drawn out? They were playing Baddies! So, thinking like what our lead bird would want for a moment, if you were to DM that, maybe he’s both playing the bounty hunter sent to catch them …But maybe also was going to do an “I Object!” scene too. Their faces in that scene, they’re so excited. Let’s say Rogue doesn’t know the Doctor was coming in advance. He’s already got ‘I’m The Bad Guy’ playing if this wasn’t a live magical edit on seeing him. Oh, maybe that’s why he chose to look like Mr Darcy. Maybe he was going to woo one of them - a good reason to already have the ring. Cus a big wedding can’t go right, that’s not drama, that’s boring. We know he’s probably cloaked - not only do they not recognise him but we have Ruby’s earring interference pointed directly at him (same tech frequency problems?) and even mention the psychic jewellery’s ability to mask a scent with a false one. So he was an NPC just meant to turn up and add some of their beloved drama. So he’d woo a Chuldur, he’ll object and then he would reveal himself as a bounty hunter with his Big Glowy Gun and trap! It was a dastardly trick! You knew he was a Rogue and a cad all along, you just let yourself fall for his deceit! *teleports to ship rather than incinerator* BRO. Even the bird’s D&D plot would naturally be the ‘I was tricking you and am actually your enemy’ twist!

Post-Empire, The case for the Chuldur Phoenix: Rogue being (unbeknownst to himself) the Master cosplaying a Chuldur cosplaying the Master.

[weirdmarioenemies]

Hey you know Snood? I've been thinking about Snood lately. It is fascinating, in a "weird old game series that I have never thought about very much" sort of way. It's not the first Matching Icons Puzzle Shooting game, since that was Puzzle Bobble, but it was ONE of the first, and replaces bubbles with some little freaks, so it is neat enough to me!

I started this post with the intention of reviewing every single Snood individually, but then I realized, I don't really care about the Snoods themselves at all! Sorry Snoods! I appreciate you being weird little guys, you're just not my kind of weird little guys.

But who's that weird little guy in the bottom right...?

Name: The Robot

Debut: Snood

Oh hell yeah! A The Robot? Now that's my kind of weird little guy! The Robot is NOT a Snood, but I think it is the most important character. The game is ABOUT the Snoods, but The Robot is the HERO. The Snoods are all trapped, and must be freed by matching three or more together! And who is loading up the cannon with snoods, allowing for this to happen at all? That's right! The Robot!

The Robot's design is very simple and very 90s shareware game. This thing has gradients like nobody's business, and they sure do make it look metallic and cylindrical, so that's good! Its "head" is a glass-looking dome, and most notable is probably its single arm, that it uses to transfer Snoods. However, it's kind of easy to view the claw as a pair of lips on the end of a stalk.

Like Sy Snootles, the best Star Wars character! Wait... Sy SNOODles? The implications are staggering! (I will not elaborate about what the implications could possibly be)

In Snood Plus, The Robot receives a bit of a redesign, which I don't like all that much. That's not colorful... where's the love, in the soul of this robot? I know it's in there somewhere. This one floats, which is cool and maybe more efficient, but it's just much more bland and generic, especially its claw arm, which no longer looks like ANY part of Sy Snootles. Next!

YES! YES! AWESOME! This is how The Robot appears in Snood Slide, a Match 3-style spinoff, and it is the best! I love this cartoony style, keeping the bright and eye-catching color of the original, while making it look more like a thing that exists, rather than just some shapes! There's a light bulb in its head, it wears SHOES, and it has TWO arms now! Is that canon? Has it always had two arms, and we only ever saw it from the side? Is Snood Slide canon to the greater Snood series? Well akshually, Snood HD, the version of Snood released in 2009, completely redesigned all the Snoods, and said that the original style was just a simulation. I bet the Snood loreheads were furious about that!

I'm sure you aren't wondering how The Robot factors into Snood Slide, considering there is not a Snood-O-Matic Cannon to be loaded. That's something only Snoodheads would worry about. But the answer is that The Robot will appear and move a line of Snoods if you use the hint feature! So kind of it.

Hey... The Robot is not in Snood HD, and that game decanonized the original Snood! Is The Robot even real? Is it a fictional character in the Snood universe too, and therefore fictional TWICE over? I don't know. Snood is a mess.

They released a game in 2022 where the icon looks like this. That's so quaint to me. Never change, Snood.

[scolbert22]

My sink was broken, AGAIN. And my landlord Dwight was still too cheap to call a real plumber, so he was back once again to do another half-assed repair job. 

“Listen buddy, I’m gonna take care of it for real this time, quit your bitchin’” He drawled in his light southern accent as he scratched at his cheesy moustache. 

Luckily, his unwelcome presence in my home meant I could play a little target practice with my new invention. I called it the “slut ray”. It was a little gun I’d made from spare parts I’d “borrowed” from work. It warps a man’s libido, brain, and body to make them sexier and more open to “fun”. At least, that was what it was meant to do, I had never actually tried it out before. But seeing my landlord’s ass waving in the air obliviously, I knew this was the perfect chance to work out any kinks on a live subject.

I snuck up behind him in my socks, careful not to make any noise. I pointed the gun right at his plumber’s crack, closed my eyes, and squeezed the trigger. I heard a slam and my landlord grunt loudly. 

I opened my eyes excitedly, and then realized with disappointment that the jackass had just smacked his head on the underside of the sink. Otherwise there was no change. Maybe I missed? I held my breath and lifted the gun again, this time keeping my eyes open. I fired at him again. This time, I watched as he arched his back and moaned softly. And then....

No further change. Dammit, it’s clearly way too weak. I shot at him again out of frustration. This time he didn’t even seem phased. I walked back to my room, defeated. I knew that invention is a lot of trial and error, but I’d had really high hopes for this one. 

I was poring over my notes, trying to figure out what I’d done wrong when I felt a presence over my shoulder. I slammed by notebook closed as I whirled around. What I saw made my jaw drop. 

It was Dwight, but barely. My slob of a landlord now looked like a hot college student wearing a “Sexy Dwight” costume for Halloween. He looked fitter, curvier, handsomer. Even his moustache and plumber’s crack were sexy now. But I could see in his face that it was still him, however improved that face may be.

“Golly Mister Masters, I didn’t mean tah surprise ya!” his light drawl seemed to have morphed into a goofy impression of itself, and now he sounded like a sexy Gomer Pyle. “You don’t haff to worry none about me spyin’ on ya though, I ain’t too good a reader.” He scratched the back oh his head, flashing a hairy pit. 

The three blasts I gave him must have built on each other, and the delayed reaction sent him past slut and turned him into a lewd pinup drawing come to life. Oh my gosh, I realized. This isn’t a slut ray, it’s a porn ray! I’ll have to up the power for the next trial.

“I jist swung by to say I was in yer kitchen and I couldn’t figure out why, fer the life o’ me! I guess I musta jist plum fergot!” To be honest, the accent was growing on me.

I reached in my mind for something to say to this impossible version of my landlord. Then I had the most perfect idea.

“Well Dwight, we were just going to talk about how I don’t think I’m gonna be able to pay next month’s rent, and I was wondering if we could come to some other kind of arrangement...?” 

A dim spark flashed behind  Dwight’s vacant eyes and he smiled idiotically. “Well Mister Masters, yer in luck! I’m always willin’ to barter.” He wiggled his ass at me bawdily. It was clear this new invention was going to make my life a whole lot easier.

[jnnul]

helloooo!! ❤️ can i request some headcanons for jisungs (nct) first relationship? like how would he act, how would he show affection etc etc :))) i really loved your “things he reminds me of’” post, it was so cute and the jisung hickey part made me wonder what his first relationship would be like ☺️☺️ thank you!!

a/n: hihi! thank u so much for requesting (and for the love, mwah) <3 i hope you like this little word vomit lol :) [ps. i hope ur ok w me putting nsfw content at the end - lmk if u want me to publish a version w/o the nsfw at all]

tags: fluff, headcanons of jisung being a frat boi pledge oops, i'm realizing how unfortunately realistic i feel like i portray these boys, tw: nsfw content (mentions of handjobs, giving head)

word count: 1k

gif credits: @chenleemark

jisung's first relationship would be...

surprisingly normal

i feel like a lot of people headcanon jisung as a shy, flustered almost mousey person

and i can see why (jwisung)

but i think that that image is something that was carefully and deliberately crafted (and perhaps something that he eventually grow into a little more)

SO, i feel like this is rlly controversial, i feel like in jisung's first relationship, he would be kinda just frat boi af

like you know that vibe that pledges in a frat have, where they think they're hot shit bc they're 'in a frat' and then they realize that they're a...pledge. like they're at the bottom of the food chain

that's so american i'm so sorry

but that's vibes he gives me

i feel like in his first relationship, he thinks he knows everything. like he thinks he is the king of relationships and he thinks he is the Ultimate Boyfriend (even tho he cringes a little when he hears the word boyfriend irl)

but he's not

it's his first relationship

and i feel like there would be a lot. to unpack.

for example! jisung would constantly be running away in a relationship

especially for the first time that he's in a relationship, you constantly have to chase after him and hope that he's finally gonna open up to you

jisung just has so many layers

as a person

that every time you think you've finally cracked him, he does a 180 on you and gives you a whole new personality to deal with

bc jisung just doesn't do traditional romance

he kinda doesn't understand it but he's also such a romantic that when it comes to real life and when he realizes that real life is a lot messier than romance novels, he just kinda freezes

like he knows you're his s/o but not his S/O™️ if that makes sense

so he'd kinda just act like you're his bestie (that he likes to make out with) until he finally starts to open up and unravel his feelings

jisung's first relationship is a lot of navigating between his mood swings of "I Am The Only Boyfriend. I am God." and "fuck bro i just like to have sex w you and talk abt deep shit"

before he finally realizes that he is not, in fact, god. and that bro is not romantic but he gets away w it bc you're chill like that

he would grow a lot in a relationship fosho

he learns to expand his world from the world in his head to one where you're in it too

jisung would just greet you with a super steamy kiss (bc istg i don't care if this is his first relationship, i just know he's a good kisser) and then ask you if his hat was fly enough to wear in the dance practice video

that's just how he works tbh

but jisung is very observant

for all of his interesting habits, jisung will pick up in 30 seconds flat if smth abt you is off

whether he shows it or not, he pays a lot of attention to you and your habits and will literally sit down for hours and analyze if you hated his guts and wanted to break up w him if you said hi a half note lower than you usually did

and oftentimes, he would be right

i mean obviously, you don't hate his guts and you definitely didn't want to break up w him

but if you were having a bad day, no matter how well you concealed it, jisung would know

i feel like that's the one thing that keeps him being a good boyfriend in the beginning of the relationship

he's so good at reading body language and looking at small details that he never fails to pick up on slight changes

almost to the extent where you think he's reading your mind

but on the flipside jisung is hard to read at first

like i said, he's just got so much going on in his head that you're almost unsure which side of jisung you're dealing w

but as you guys mature together, he definitely opens up a lot more and you're able to read him almost as well as he reads you

NSFW CONTENT BELOW.

but beyond just in your sfw relationship, jisung would be equally attentive in the bedroom

i feel like jisung is a more experimental person than ppl realize

like he truly enjoys pleasureful experiences and he will watch your every microexpression to make sure you're having as much fun as he is

that being said

i think jisung is more of a receiver than a giver

but not by much

like a 60 - 40 split

and the main advantage comes with handjobs

idk what it is abt them

but i feel like jisung would find out very early into the relationships that he rlly likes handjobs

his first relationship is full of exploring himself and what he enjoys as well as exploring you(r body) and what you enjoy

and handjobs are the one thing that he just cannot resist every single time

whenever you rlly give him a good one, LORD KNOWS that he will be going down on you and giving you the head you deserve

bc i feel like jisung wouldn't have too much control over his body in his first relationship, he would probably cum a lot sooner than he would like

and he hates cumming before you - whether it be for an ego reason or bc he feels guilty that he feels good and you don't, he just doesn't like it

so he learns to give good head (and i mean good head. like i would tie him with mark as the top head givers in nct dream) so that he can bring you right to the edge w him and you can cum together

overall, just a very interesting and growth filled experience where jisung and you both learn to love and grow together <3

[suhojunmyeons]

Ever since they've been together, she's been calling him a different name: Marco.

She said it's her nickname for him, and he never questioned it even though he found it weird.

But to him, it was basically just his name Mark + the letter O so it wasn't that bad.

He'd heard many versions of his name from his friends so much that sometimes Mark thinks that they actually forgot his real name.

Mark didn't mind it at first. She would occasionally call him "babe," or "baby," or just simply "Mark."

But when there were times she would call him "Marco," it was usually when she's calling out for him or when they cuddle, always in a high pitched sing-song tone.

He finds it cute, seeing her cheeks reach her eyes whenever she calls him that, so it never really bothered him if calling him that made her happy.

But of course he always wondered the meaning behind it and why of all the names she could think of, she chose "Marco."

So Mark decided to ask her one day about it.

It was a chill day; they were sitting on the opposite sides of the couch, their legs intertwined, both of them on their phones while the TV was on as their background noise.

She was giggling at a funny video she saw while him, on the other hand, was stealing glances at her, hiding behind his phone, pretending to scroll on his feed.

He doesn't know how to bring the topic up. He thought of the possible outcome that if he ever asked her about it, it'll upset her.

"Mark, look at this cute cat vid!" She squealed and faced her phone at him.

It was two fluffy kittens being tucked into their beds.

When the video looped and returned to the beginning, he tapped her screen and paused the video. He looked up from her phone and saw her smiling at him, which only made him nervous.

She tilted her head to the side, confused as to why he stopped the video.

"Can I ask you a question?" he started.

His heart was pounding.

Why is this so nerve-wracking? It's not the end of the world if he asks her.

But he also doesn't want her to think that he doesn't like the nickname she gave him.

She nodded and Mark closed his eyes as he took a deep breath and said, "why do you call me Marco?"

He slowly opened his eyes when he heard silence.

Mark took the opportunity to continue. "I mean, not that I mind— which I really don't, by the way—but I just always wondered where did the thought of naming me 'Marco' come from? I mean, there's like Markie, Mork, Milk—"

"Mark," she laughed.

"What?" Now it was his turn to tilt his head in confusion.

"Can you spell that for me?"

"M-A-R-C—"

"No, silly!" She laughed even harder. "I don't call you 'Marco'!" She shook her head.

Mark's eyebrows furrowed.

What does she mean she doesn't call her 'Marco?'

If he was mishearing things, then who the hell is Marco?

"It's Mark ko, not Marco."

Mark was completely lost at this point, he simply didn't see the difference of the former from the latter.

She smiled at Mark's cute puzzled face, lost in his own thoughts, questioning all of the times she called him by that name.

She placed her hand over his, interrupting him from his thoughts.

"I call you 'Mark Ko,' that's two words. Mark being your name, and 'Ko' meaning 'My' in my language. It simply means My Mark." She explained, and Mark's whole demeanor softened.

His heart pounded once again but this time, it's the realization that she's been calling him the sweetest endearment ever since.

"Oh." Was all he could say, blush rising to his cheeks both from embarrassment and from the fact that she is basically calling him 'mine' this whole time.

"C-can you call me that again like… right now."

She laughed at his request but she happily obliged.

"Love you, Mark Ko."

~~~

A/N: hi! thank you so much for reading my first ever nct fluff and it's mark! hehe. please do tell me what you think! :]

proofread by the lovely @moonstarsunflower ~!

[linawritestwst]

Heyyy I hope ur doing well!! I've been rly interested in the tsumsted event so I was wondering.. Can I request something like the characters' tsum tsums with their s/o and the characters' reactions to seeing their s/o dotting on them? For Leona, Epel, Azul, and Floyd please >:D

leona, epel, azul and floyd reacting to their s/o doting on their tsum tsums (headcanons) (gn!reader)

so, uh, i know that the tsum tsum event has ended while i was on a break, so i'm sorry if this is kinda late.. i'll try to write the tsum tsum requests as soon as i can, so that it won't feel too late dhjjsdkd.

leona kingscholar.

♡ as long as his tsum wasn't being too annoying, leona was fine with it. you've also been playing with it a lot, so yeah, leona's tsum didn't really have the time to bother him which made leona very happy. but then, leona started feeling like you've been spending way too much time with his tsum, it felt like you forgot about your actual boyfriend and you've been paying attention only to his plushie version. and even though at first leona was relieved that his tsum won't annoy him.. now he kinda wishes you'd leave it alone.

♡ leona refuses to admit that he feels jealous because of a PLUSHIE. he knows that it sounds stupid, there's no way you'd love his tsum version more, but.. he's also getting tired of seeing you cuddle with tsum leona when you can cuddle with him instead. your boyfriend just lies there while you're holding his plushie. so yeah, even if being jealous because of his tsum sounds ridiculous, leona thinks he has a reason to feel that way.

♡ but how is he supposed to talk to you about it? what is he supposed to say? "hey, y/n, i think you've been spending way too much time with my tsum version lately"?? that just makes him sound pathetic, like he's afraid of losing you to his tsum.. wait, that's exactly how he feels. fine, he's gonna talk to you about it. 

♡ when leona mentions that you've been playing way too much with his tsum, you laugh and ask him: "what, are you jealous or something?". leona claims that he's not and he says that it's just a bit annoying, but you can see right through him. you already knew that leona's been feeling kinda jealous because of how much attention you've been giving to his tsum, but his reactions were so entertaining to watch that you just kept acting like that. and come on, his tsum is so cute, how can you stop playing with it? and your boyfriend getting annoyed because of it looked so cute too, hehe..

♡ but even though you like to mess with leona, you genuinely love him and you want him to remember that. you tell him that even though his tsum is so cute, soft and just simply adorable, you still prefer the real version. the real version is your boyfriend, meanwhile tsum leona feels like your child!.. leona is glad to hear that he won this "battle", but he's not sure how to feel about that last part.

epel felmier.

♡ listen, y/n. he also likes his tsum, he thinks it's really cute and it feels like a little brother to him. BUT CAN YOU PLEASE STOP PLAYING WITH IT JUST FOR ONE SECOND?? epel liked watching you play with his tsum, it was a lot of fun, but then you started giving it so much affection, like kissing its forehead, hugging it, cuddling with it.. meanwhile real epel just stands there, like "that should be me :(" okay, so his tsum wants to fight for your attention, huh? epel won't go down so easily!

♡ epel tries to impress you and make you notice him, like he keeps doing all this cool stuff and saying "haha, i bet my tsum can't do this thing >:D".. but his tsum actually can do this thing. and then you go "wow, tsum epel, you're so cool!!" because it's not every day that you see a plushie being able to do all these impressive things. okay, maybe epel needs a different approach.

♡ epel is actually more honest about his feelings than leona or azul who are like "well i can't say that i'm jealous because of this plushie :(" and he eventually tells you that he's been feeling like you're spending way too much time with his tsum. yes, epel also likes to play with it, it's very fun, but now they're basically rivals and they're fighting for your love. so yeah, he just.. he's been feeling a bit lonely without you, you know?

♡ you apologize to him and you tell him that even though you absolutely love his tsum, you love epel more.. just a bit more. okay, okay, you're joking, you love your boyfriend A LOT. but you still want to tease him, so you say that it's not your fault his tsum is so cute. and then his tsum goes >:( and you say "sorry, i meant to say you're so cool!!" even though epel is still a bit salty, he can't help but laugh. his tsum really is a lot like him, it's no wonder they've been fighting for your attention like this.

azul ashengrotto.

♡ watching you play with his tsum was cute at first, he's glad that you're having fun! but um.. aren't you spending way too much time with it, y/n? like, he tried to talk to you about something yesterday, but you were too busy playing with his tsum and assuring it that it looks cute both with his tiny hat and without it. and then you haven't even looked at the real version of your boyfriend, you just walked away with his tsum! that.. doesn't feel right.

♡ azul tries to calm himself down and think about it logically. you've never seen the tsum version of him before, it feels new to you, you want to play with it more and spend as much time with it as you can. he understands that, considering that the tsums will go away eventually, so you want to have more fun with it until it leaves. it all makes sense! you just think tsum azul is cute, there's nothing bad about it! but.. is real azul too boring for you then? ;; 

♡ azul still tries to make you pay attention to him, but every time he tries to talk to you, THIS LITTLE THING IS STILL WITH YOU. look at it, sitting on your shoulder like it hasn't done anything wrong. and now you're hugging it. great. azul needs to come up with a plan, he has to talk to you about this situation when his tsum won't be with you. and if it isn't around, it won't be a distraction! but here's a problem: tsum azul never leaves your side. azul wonders why..

♡ when azul finally confesses that he's been feeling a little weird since you started spending so much time with his tsum, you just.. laugh. you immediately assure azul that you're laughing not because he's so "pathetic" for feeling this way, but because it sounds so cute. your boyfriend really was afraid that you're gonna like his plushie version more? you say that you're sorry for not giving him enough attention lately, his tsum just loves you so much, it never leaves you alone! there was a time when you went to talk to someone and had to leave azul's tsum, so the poor plushie got really sad, it probably thought that you don't like it anymore. hehe, azul's tsum really is a representation of his hidden feelings in a way, isn't it?

floyd leech.

♡ oh, you want to play with his tsum? sure, here you go! haha, you two look so cute together~.. y/n, it's been like an hour. y/n, it's been three hours and you're still playing with his tsum. Y/N, YOU SPENT A WHOLE DAY WITH HIS TSUM AND YOU HAVEN'T EVEN LOOKED AT YOUR REAL BOYFRIEND. WHY. floyd wanted to be friends with his tsum, he really did, but now.. oh, you thought i was gonna say they're gonna be rivals? nah, floyd isn't gonna fight for your love and all that stuff, he won't need that to defeat his tsum.

♡ everyone notices just how irritated floyd becomes when he sees you having fun with his tsum, so it's surprising for others that you keep spending time with tsum floyd despite the way your boyfriend's been glaring at it. you're either not scared of anything or you're just really dumb.. or you just want to annoy floyd. you two really are a mystery, it's no wonder you started dating each other.

♡ oh, other boys think it's dumb that they're feeling like their s/o is gonna leave them for a plushie? FLOYD ISN'T ASHAMED OF FEELING LIKE THAT AT ALL. he really feels like his tsum, HIS BEST FRIEND, HIS BUDDY, THE TSUM THAT HE TRUSTED, is gonna steal his s/o. it's not surprising, considering how cute and squishable it is. of course you would love it.. but oh well, again, floyd has to defeat his rival. he did wonder what tsum's insides would look like..

♡ OKAY, YOU HAVE TO INTERFERE NOW. you try to calm floyd down and you say that you understand how he feels, you really haven't been giving him enough attention. you say that you just got very excited because tsum floyd is so cute, so you kinda forgot about your real boyfriend.. you know how dumb this sounds and you're sorry. hey, maybe you three should play something together, so that both floyds get to have fun and spend time with you! floyd thinks a bit about it and agrees, because even though he's still watching tsum floyd and this little guy isn't gonna be forgiven so easily, he just really wants you to be happy. also, floyd knows that if there was a tsum version of you, he also wouldn't be able to stop playing with it. hmm, now he wonders how your tsum version would look like.. nah, it still wouldn't be as cute as you. 

[strawwritesfic]

Vongola Guardians Taking Care of You Headcanons

Hey, guys! I'm sick again! So you know what that means...dopey headcanons about fictional guys taking care of you, their S/O, when you're sick!

I did it for the Avengers last time, so let's apply it to my current hyperfixation this time around.

Note that this is all regarding the adult versions of the cast, and we are not working with A) COVID (because it's too real) or B) The in-universe original TYL!Time Line (because I don't feel like dealing with the whole Millifiore situation).

Tsuna Sawada

Tsuna's got a lot of work to do, running the Vongola, but that doesn't mean he's going to ignore you when you're sick. In fact, you being sick is probably enough of a distraction that he's not going to get that work done anyway--and he's definitely not above using you getting sick as an excuse to get away from his responsibilities for a little while. If it's really something important, of course he'll do it. Otherwise, he's with you all the way. Unfortunately, Tsuna's kind of useless as a caregiver. His heart is in the right place, but he's not entirely sure what to do, and if he tries to do something, it typically winds up spilled all over you. What he can do is that neat trick with his sky flame on his finger on your forehead. When you can't sleep, that's your ticket to dreamland. Except that once he did that, and you slept for two straight days. Everyone was very worried. Reborn congratulated him on sending his S/O into a coma. When you did wake up, you felt much better, but he's reluctant to try it again. Good thing that his company is enough to make you feel a little better most of the time.

Hayato Gokudera

This is the guy that researches every single symptom you have. He's got medical textbooks. He's got WebMD's symptom checker. He's got...books on exorcisms? So not everything he's going to try is necessarily scientifically accurate. And he's not going to let you rest either, because he's got an enormous whiteboard covered in diagrams of all his research. He even wants to dictate the way you sleep, because he's figured out the only way to do it that will actually get you better! And if you don't let him try to get rid of the evil spirits inhabiting you at least once, you're probably going to wake up in the middle of the night surrounded by candles while he stands by the bed chanting. At least the minute Tsuna needs him, he's gone, so you'll get some peace and quiet.

But Gokudera does make some amazing okayu. It's the worst okayu you've ever tasted. At first, you might wonder if Bianchi's the one that made it. But even though it tastes incredibly awful, it does actually make you feel better. it almost makes him playing nurse worth it from time to time.

Ryohei Sasagawa

Ryohei has probably never had a sick day in his entire life. If he had a cold, he just EXTREMED it out of his system, and that's exactly what he expects you to do, too. You can't let the cold win! You have to get up! You have to get up before sunrise! You have to go for a ten-mile run before sunrise! You have to go for a ten-mile run while carrying cinderblocks in both hands before sunrise! Show your illness how EXTREME you are, and you will never be sick again a day in your life! He's not making you do all of this alone. Ryohei is right there with you, doing the exact same thing but with a lot more enthusiasm. It's exausting.

Thankfully, he's got Kyoko around. Once she realizes what's going on, she can rescue you. She knows how to take care of sick people, and she'll get you set up in a nice, dark room with whatever you need, and she and Haru will make sure that you eat healthy and get plenty of rest--because, let's face it, you're probably worse off now than you were before Ryohei got his hands on you. You will live, but it might be a good idea in the future to call in sick to your S/O next time you've got a tickle in your throat.

Lambo

This 15-year-old guy has literally no clue what to do with a sick S/O. Heck, he has literally no clue what to do with himself when he's sick. He's so covered in girls your age anyway, so what are the chances that he notices that you're slogging your way through your day? Well, he does. That doesn't mean he's going to do anything about it...until I-Pin notices as well and chastises him for being so heartless.

And the truth is, he cares about you, and he hates to see you sick. He's not great at doing much more than playing gopher...but, again, he's 15. What else is he supposed to do? So at least for the day he'll get you whatever you want. Chocolate ice cream? Done. Ramen from I-Pin place of work? Absolutely. He consumes half of it, too, and he moans a lot about how gross it is, but ultimately you'd probably be a lot more lonely recuperating by yourself than with him around.

Takeshi Yamamoto

Does Yamamoto even realize you're sick? That is the question. He's known you long enough to know when something's up, but he also trusts you. When you tell him no, you're fine, please just go get beaten up by an Italian man with a sword like he planned, he's not going to argue. Yamamoto knows that you're tough, and if you don't want his help, he's not going to force it on you. He respects you too much to baby you.

On the other hand, on his way home from sparring with Squalo, he's going to pick up a few things. First, he's going to go to the store, and he's going to grab a couple boxes of medicine that sound like they'll help what he thought you sounded like you had that morning. Then he's going to go by his dad's restaurant and pick up a ton of sushi. If you're still not feeling well when he gets home, then he's got you covered. But if you still want to pretend that you're fine, then he just keeps the medicine in his coat pocket for later. He's fine pretending that you're fine if that's what you want. At least there's good food for a quiet night in so you can rest.

Mukuro Rokudo

I mean, as long as he needs you for something, he'll probably care that your sick. Your organs are still in the right place. There's probably not a good way to illusion away your cold and flu symptoms. So if you're fine, he's probably got better things to be doing, like plotting how to finally possess Tsuna and start a war within the mafia!

Oh, what? Really? You want him to say? Well, then, maybe he can put off the whole bloody war within the mafia thing off for another day or two. After all, it's been ten years and he still hasn't got around to it! But hopefully you know that you're in for a lot of getting your own juice bottles, or at least having him torment you about getting your juice bottles until your fever breaks.

Kyoya Hibari

Hibari doesn't get sick, because being sick is weak. But now that he's older, he can appreciate that no one is as strong as he is, so even his S/O is going to get sick from time to time. He is not going to baby you for choosing to be so weak as to catch a cold, however. You probably won't be seeing much of Hibari while you're ill. He's got important business to attend to.

But without saying it, he does make it clear he cares. He'll adjust your pillow in the morning before he leaves. He'll make sure there's plenty of tea in the cupboard. He'll send Kusakabe to check on you regularly. And since you did decide to throw your lot in with Hibari, this radio silence isn't exactly unheard of or unwelcome. Just make sure none of your other friends are around for a visit if and when he decides to come look in on you himself.

[vacantfields]

Pardon me for barging back in here again (haha), but have you ever drawn TAB Moon dressed up like Jack O Moon? It’s basically like a Halloween style version of Moon. Here’s a pic of him, if you were wondering. Yes, that is Jack O Moon.

OHH THAT GUY!! no i havent KSHGKJSH

i havent drawn much lately so

hes real cool though Moon would probably like to dress up more creepily KJSHGKJSHG

[hanasnx]

Ask and ye shall receive, so my take on this is that this is like 19-21 year old Anakin— possessive, jealous, emotional, horny horny horny, break the Jedi code to get my dick wet, falls in love hard, fast, and deeply—Skywalker, who went and caught feelings for his fwb. They were always firmly in agreement that it was "just sex," but it's never just sex with Anakin, he feels too much, so now that she's broken things off to get into a real relationship, he has to channel his all of his feelings into sex. It's not love, he just needs to fuck her one more time right? It's not jealously, he just thinks it's funny that he was fucking her on the side while she was dating this other guy. It's not possesiveness, he just knows he fucks her better than anyone else, even the man she fell in love with. One more time, just one more time, he'll make it so good, he'll channel every morsel of heartache into it, because if he can't have her he might as well make sure she can't forget him.

here's the version with subtle phone effects on the voice

https://soundgasm.net/u/AugustInTheWinter/M4F-Your-Ex-FWB-Leaves-You-a-Jealous-Voicemail

And here's the version without

https://soundgasm.net/u/AugustInTheWinter/M4F-Your-Ex-FWB-Leaves-You-a-Jealous-Voicemail-No-Phone-FX

Also disclaimer he doesn't sound exactly like Anakin, and the audio itself doesn't take place in the SW universe, but I get the feeling we're the same level of delusional and can fill in the gaps mentally. Anyway I hope you enjoy it, I'd love to hear your thoughts 💖

-👑

link 1

link 2

spoilers to the audio under the cut cos omfg these lines got me lookin like :o

☥ “… do you remember what happened next? .. i bet you do.”

☥ “does he know?” talking about fucking you after your dates with your now bf when you were unexclusive at the time that is my CRACK

☥ “fuck one more out of your system. you guy’s just started dating, it’s not even cheating. yea, baby, cmere,”

☥ “wonder if he thought about you during the week. overanalyzing every interaction. ‘oh, am i texting too much?’. maybe you weren’t texting back bcos you were begging for my cum.”

☥ WHEN HE SAID COCKSLAVE WOOOOOOOOOO

☥ “i cant believe i’m never gonna have that pussy again.” sounded so much like anakin’s voice i

☥ “but if you guys break up. you know where to find me.”

👑, i casually ate 5 pieces of pizza listening to this bcos ur right hot damn he does sound like anakin and i couldn’t pay attention to anything else. i was seeing the whole damn thing. usually i’m not into these, but i think bcos it was a “voicemail” and there was no awkward waiting parts where he was expecting u, the listener, to answer— i enjoyed it thoroughly. you know what i mean about those awkward silent parts?

your take?? golden much like your crown, bcos my usual premise for his one shots is that you’re his fwb, and it’s easier this way to keep things separate. but yes, those underlying confusing feelings he pushes away are always ones of “it’s just sex. i don’t love her. that’s crazy.” or “i’m not jealous i’m just aggravated i can’t be jealous when she’s not really mine…”

yet here he is. fisting his cock to the memory of you. the suns gone down where he’s staying, and no doubt you’re asleep. but he had to try to call you anyway, some time when you wouldn’t be around your new boyfriend. it’s just his voice that sends through, too dark to record a hologram for you. talking that filthy shit to you in hopes you’ll remember all the good you two had. come back for more.

i love what u had to say so much i want it tattooed on my forehead bcos it’s so frustratingly anakin to twist his own words and confuse himself in order to avoid the truth. also to fuck someone and then go ahead and fall the hell in love??? so on brand.

“yea i can keep my feelings separate….

no, actually i lied about that entirely. here are my feelings, they’re your problem now.”

specially bcos i imagine in this fwb relationship you took his virginity—

this was all over the place but i fuckig loveeeee the jealous ex fwb knowing he has no business talking to you like this when you’ve got a bf, but trying it anyway. bcos the chance of filling you up one last time is greater than the possibility of you refusing to talk to him because both you and him know the silent treatment won’t last.

literally ur invited into my inbox anytime love. i love ur mind

edit: i should say i do not condone cheating i just have an infidelity fantasy

[cinemaspoppycornuwu]

[You and Sanji got married]

["MINORS DO NOT INTERACT" Header made by @benkeibear ]

This fic is originally made for my beloved friend who gives me unconditional support @syntheticseraton1n . But anyone who reads this can feel self inserted here. Nala, sweetie, I hope you like the wedding I prepared for you. And readers who don't like NSFW, it is okay, cause the first part of the fic is actually SFW! Just a fun wedding and meeting of friends 🥰

But still, I think I messed up with the whole fanfic and ruined it. Sorry, One Piece fans. Sorry, Sanji simps 😭😭😭

╭──────────.★..─╮

Wedding OST 🎶 (might add more sooner or later, dunno)

1. Nupcial march [violin] (When bride comes in);

2. Barbie 12 dancing princess theme (Couple dance);

3. The wellerman [violin];

4. Hey Brother [cello] (Avicii);

5. Wake me up [cello] (Avicii again);

6. Angel eyes (Abba);

7. YMCA (Village People);

8. California Gurls (Katy Perry);

9. Work (forró version - Rihanna);

The list goes on but it would take too long to put EVERYTHING!

╰─..★.──────────╯

Honestly, you couldn't be more thankful when you met the strawhats. Everyone there is so cheerful, almost looking like a daycare of children but grown up. Your captain, Monkey D. Luffy was the most childish but he had an empaty ability. Luffy always had that sense inside on his heart to know when people were good or bad.

And then there was your beloved Sanji. The guy who would marry you in that sunny and bright day. Blonde has always been supportive and gentle with you, especially when he joined the crew. Everything in him was so charming. His greyish-blue eyes, the way he lights up his cigarrette to smoke away from you (to not bother with the smell) and makes sure the smell fades away later so he can be closer, his heart shaped eyes when talking to you (well, honestly, for any woman). When he genuinely confessed to you in a wonderful night, your heart did a backflip. It was the very first time you felt like that: butterflies fluttering in your stomach, trembling a little bit, teary emotional eyes, cheeks as red as the most stunning rose. And when Sanji proposed to you? Gosh, it was a disaster because Luffy ate everything Sanji has prepared for both of you. But you accepted him with no hesitation.

Today, was your wedding day. Nami was helping you get ready to get married in the amazing Thousand Sunny. Of course that the ginger one and Sanji thought of marrying somewhere else better for you. But Thousand Sunny has given all of you guys great memories and it meant so much for you, just like the resting in peace now Golden Merry. The gold digger young navigator stopped and helped you dry your tears.

—Just look at you, S/O... You are so wonderful! - the dress was a strapless white one with laces on it. Nami also chose good jewerly to put in your ears and in your neck, giving a special touch on it. Your hair was decorated in an elegant messy bun with flowers on it. Your makeup wasn't that heavy but very perfect for the ocasion. And so were the heels. Not too tight but made you look a little bit taller to kiss Sanji.

—I've... I've never been so beautiful... Oh, Nami, this means so much to me!

—Hey there, it is okay! Just don't cry or the makeup will run! - she said, containing her tears as she gave a friendly kiss on your forehead - Are you ready?

—Of course! Our captain must be waiting for us since he for sure is hungry - the both of you laughed at the comment about the captain - Let's go.

—Just one more detail - Nami stops and gives you a bouquet of fake flowers. Since you guys spent more time in the ship than in the lands, Nami made sure to buy fake flowers for the wedding before the trip to the island where you guys would stay. The flowers may not be real, but the reciprocate love between you and Sanji for sure was.

When getting out of the cabin, everyone was waiting there. Robin was reading her speech to make the cerimony happen, Luffy was already stuffing his mouth with meat, but what had surprised you the most was seeing Zoro being Sanji's wingman. Everyone knows they fight a lot but deep inside, care for each other just like brothers. Speaking of him, he was impecable! Sanji wore his best suit and even put a red rose as a decoration.

—You look amazing, ma cherrie... - Sanji says with a weak whisper as his eyes get filled with tears. You, in response, comfort him with your healing touch.

—Everyone, except for the main couple, sit please - Robin said - Strawhats, we are here together to celebrate a very special ocasion. It isn't everyday someone gets married in a ship. And this is a very special one. We are here to celebrate not only their love. But also their companionship as well. This time, the couple destiny predicted was Sanji and Y/N. I gotta speak some words by myself as well. I was hoping for you two get married and look at everyone now - she laughed - You guys even managed to get our captain all dressed up.

—Robiiiiiiin! This itches! Can I take it oof? - Luffy said impatient.

—The bowtie isn't that tight, Luffy! - Nami growled before noticing Robin adjusting Luffy's bowtie with her devil fruit.

—Back to the cerimony, I want you two to know that this whole crew loves you both!

—Chopper, the rings, please! - Robin called and the tiny reeinder came all happy and proud. He even stood in the point of his hooves to give you both the rings, but the raven haired beauty gave him a little help as well - Now your vows, please.

—Sanji, you are my everything. My moon. My sun. My stars. My whole world. I, Y/N, want to be loyal with body and soul to you. You own my heart. You had saw me at the worse of the moments, saw my deepest fears and I am taking the best decision of my life right here, right now. We finished one chapter of our lives and we are starting a new one - you had to use a mini stair to reach Sanji's cheek so you could kiss it gently, leaving the blonde with goose bumps. He helped you go down

—I, Sanji, promise to always hold your hand and never let go. To comfort you when sadness comes, And the most important: be loyal and loving you no matter what happens. I'll be your light, always - he spoke softly but still with all certain in the world while holding your hand as if you were made of porcelain, kissing softly your hand - And of course, do your favourite meals.

You giggled at the last part.

Everyone was so happy for the two of you and all of them with no exception helped in the decoration of the wedding party. Chopper even did a special chocolate candy. Even Luffy did part of the decoration even though he slept while doing it. You could see Franky crying hard while blowing his nose. He got emotional, someone please give the capitalist cyborg an hamburguer later. And Usopp was in the very same state as Franky. Both held hands while imaging a life like that.

—Sanji, do you accept Y/N as your‐

—Yes.

—And, Y/N, do you accept Sanji as‐

—Yes.

Robin snorted and let out a laugh before finally saying as clear as crystal:

—I happily announce you two as husband and wife! You can kiss now!

—Come here, mon coeur! (Come here, my heart!) - Sanji held your waist, lifted and pulled you closer for a passionate and loving kiss.

There were petals thrown by Nami, Robin's multiple arms due to her Akuma no Mi, Luffy and even Chopper. Let's be honest, he was trying his best in his daily form (boi was sparing rumber balls for important ocasions). Zoro even let out a laugh and said:

—NOW LET THE F*CKING PARTY BEGIN! CHEERS! - he grabbed the first alchool bottle and chugged down half of the bottle.

As soon as the magical kiss ended, Sanji adjusted a string of your hair behind your ear and gave another kiss, but this time, in your cheek. His greyish-blue eyes filled with emotions that he couldn't speak but you understood him better than anyone else.

The party was absolutely amazing! Brook already got his violin on point for the first dance of the night between you and Sanji. Your knight held your waist gently within one hand and with the other, your hand. He had whispered some words before you felt like you were on a fairytale during the song.

—I don't deserve you...

You replied by giving a soft quick peck on his lips that said more than words. Once it ended, everyone clapped and Luffy said automatically to put on a more cheered up music which literally made him drag Usopp and Chopper to dance. You decided to dance with Nami and Franky just for funsies while Brook danced while playing his violin. Sanji danced with Nami, Robin, Chopper (honestly, these two were so adorable together) and even Zoro. Only booze to make them feel like that sometimes. You guys danced and singed for like, 4-5 hours straight. And of course, Luffy ate his daily meats in a corner (some angel had prepared for that monster).

—Attention everyone, the bride will throw the bouquet! 1... 2... 3... Whooo! - and the lucky one to got was... Usopp! (THIS WRITER SHIPS USOPP AND KAYA, OKAY? 😭)

—Sanji! Y/N! Come here!

—Hm? What happened, miss Nami?

—I got a room for the two of you in the hotel.

—Of that lesbian couple of old ladies? - you asked.

—Those two! I talked to them about your wedding and guess what? You two will sleep in the best room!

[HERE BEGINS THE NSFW PART YOU ALL BEEN WAITING FOR, YOU HORNI ONES]

While the whole crew rested on the ship, Nami had reserved a special room for you and Sanji spent the night as a couple. If you know what I mean. Sanji carried you in the most gentle bridal style way and when the door was finally locked, leaving the two of you, both of you were impressed! Nami actually chose a great suite! With even a frigobar, special bathtub with candles, a very comfy bed and anything a newly married couple could want and get in a room. The ginger navigator even included the best breakfast for the next morning.

You could feel your husband smirk in a devilish way and you were right. He started to attack your neck with teasing kisses, starting to get you ready for what you two are about to do.

—Sanji! C-Can we have a bath first?

—Of course! Plus... I know this dress makes you like a queen but I guess tonight it would look better on the floor~ Hm~? - that was everything he said before seeing you fully red. He gently placed you on the bed before removing his fancy suit and put them in some wardrobe. He noticed they also had put robes and towels. Man, for sure these people are prepared.

—Sanji, I can't reach my back. Can you help me? - before you could even think of anything else to speak, the dress was off, revealing the white lacey underwear that Nami also bought you.

—My~ I am trully in heaven~ - he whispered as he removed his pants and then his socks. And finally, his underwear, revealing his dwong, slightly hard and you were impressed of how his pubic hair was slightly blonde as well. Anime logic? Fanfic logic? Where? Logic? What is this? Is it to eat?

As soon as both of you emerged in the bathtub all naked, you reached to get the soap so you could wash your body.

—Soft... - he said as he placed a kiss on your shoulder but quickly cleaned his mouth because it was with soap as well. You laughed at his reaction - Oh, it is like this, then? Already wanting a little punishment in our first night as a couple?

—Oh, you're such a tease~

—I can't help if my love is looking so sexy right now~

—Hehehe~ Let's go once we finish here~

Even though Sanji was excited for the moment, he still helped you wash the body like the gentleman he is with no rush, just loving and appreciating the process. Once he finished, he got a towel to dry both of you and by your surprise, he picked you up like if you were a potato sack and ran to the amazing comfy bed. Now he could begin properly. Sanji started attacking your lips.

His kisses are normally sweet outside (and even with the) sheets. But this time, he was desperate, starving, as if your lips were the last thing that could keep him still but at the same time, weak on his knees. He then went down to your neck, giving small but loving hickeys to remind you how much loved you are for him. With each kiss, your heart increased the beatings. When you less noticed, blonde cook was already in your most sensitive area: your cherry.

—Well... Bon appetit. For me~ - that was his only warning of what it was about to come. It is like that his tongue does magic with your clit and pussy. He knows exactly where to stimulate you and at which speed. Not too slow for you not be teased but also not too fast for you to come quickly, he wants you to enjoy the moment but let's be real: he is enjoying way more for sure. Your fluids were like the best tea for him.

—San... San... Ji...~♡! Aaah~♡

—Don't need to be shy, love~ Just let me hear that sweet voice~ We have the whole night for ourselves... - he lost his composture as soon as you gently touched his head as a sign for you to go further. That was more than enough to get his motor going working harder.

—I'm... I-I-I'm...

—Hm...?

—I'm close!

—Yay! - he let out an "yay" just like a cute adorable kid who had recieved the best chocolate bar. But it was only a gentleman eating a pussy. And you are the wife of that gentleman now - Go on for me, princess~

With one more yelp, Sanji thanked mentally for the tea and made sure to not miss anything released.

—What a yummy meal, my love~ Now, I guess for being such a good girl, you deserve the main part~ Just let me get the condom—

Your hand slapped his gently which made him widen his eyes like "wtf". You spoke softly:

—It's okay... I asked for Chopper to make something for me...

—And how did he reacted?

—He got embarassed. I need to apologize to him once the honey moon ends... Poor fella - you sighed.

—Hey, it's okay. Maybe one day he will ask for his partner in some future ahead use it too.

—SANJI! - you both didn't hold the laugh.

—What? It is true!

—Why don't you come spend some... Energy with me instead thinking of Chopper's future life?

—Sounds amazing~ No condoms?

—Not this time.

With a big smirk, Sanji positioned himself between you.

—I'll go in, okay? - he whispered as he held your hand. You nodded and my, Sanji fitted perfectly on you. About his dick size, he is normal but perfect! Not too thick cause it would hurt you, not that long, but fits inside perfectly. And no matter what size he would have, he would know how to use that sword. Plus, for Sanji, sex isn't only "banana in, banana out, banana in, banana out". It is a loving moment where he can spend with you and be romantic. Sanji absolutely hates quickies and wants give all of his love to his beloved one. It didn't took that long for him to start moving inside with that "ploc ploc ploc" sound coming as well.

—Sanji...

—Shh... Just relax and let me please you... - he couldn't help but groan and let out some soft moans with you. His magical hands stimulated your exposed nipples, bringing more pleasure to your smaller figure - F*ck... But if you keep squeezing me like that I won't handle that much~ So tight...~♡

—San... I... I love you...

His heart did a tiny dance inside his body at those sweet words of yours.

—I love you too, Y/N... - he squeezed gently your hand before kissing your forehead. And it was in that moment when Sanji got a little bit more of speed on his movements, making you moan more and more. You couldn't think of anything else but Sanji loving you intensily - C-Crap... I'll release...

—Me too...

—Together... - that's all he said before kissing you intensily. In some minutes, one of your most intense orgasms finally came. Blonde, panting, kissed your forehead and stayed some minutes still inside of you before finally removing it. God blesses for whoever will clean those sheets. And may the boss give some extra pay for them.

Your husband picked you up and took to the shower just to do a quick clean before finally sleeping in bed. As soon as you two were spooning, he pulled you closer, face to face and whispered:

—The first of many of our nights as a married couple...

—Yup... Sanji, today was amazing... Not only this moment of ours but - you gigled - Our friends finally reunited as well. Even Zoro was happy!

—That marimo. He knows how to have fun sometimes as well.

—You missed him laughing and being like that as well, hm?

—Not that much.

—You admited it! I know you two are besties!

—Y/N...

—Sowwy~ Hehehe~ Let's just... Rest for a while... I got tired... Goodnight, my love...

—Bonne nuit, mon amour... Une dernière chose: je t'aime ♡ (Good night, my love... One last thing: I love you ♡)

🎶["POST-CREDIT SCENE" OF THE REST STRAWHATS WHILE SANJI WAS DOING LOWVE WITH HIS WIFE]🎶

"Take more 4, Luffy" (Nami)

"Nope" *lands one more +4* (Luffy)

*laughs and lands one more +4* (Robin)

"Yohohoho!" *purs two +2* (Brook)

"Not with me!" *puts one +2* (Franky)

"Neither me!" *puts +2* (Chopper)

"...fuck you guys..." *gets +20 cards of Uno* (Zoro)

The couple was just cuddling and being sweet in the next morning, don't worry, fellas :)

(And yes, you guys wrote a letter for princess Vivi about the wedding. She cried because she missed that moment but was so happy for the crew)

The end.

[george228732]

Fylass Through the Looking Glass - Chapter Four - Windows of Remembrance

The knights were leading the gang towards the exit with ease, although Twilight Knight in particular was feeling pretty happy to see them again; Fylass really acknowledged how much he loved them, but sadly, Twilight’s position as a knight didn’t allow him to go with them, even with Dolly’s peaceful kingdom at hand.

Fylass wanted to have a small talk with them, so they silently told the rest of the group to wait for them outside the castle; they agreed, and left them alone with Twilight.

"Hey… How are you?" Twilight spoke up first.

"I am… alright. How are you, too?" Fylass spoke up next.

"Things around here have been pretty nice ever since you… well… you know. I am sorry for not being able to help you back then. I would’ve been devastated to see your head resting on a bloody basket." Fylass remembered what happened back then the last time at the Card Castle, with their head resting on the guillotine, shrouded with fear and hopelessness; sure, they knew this was a dream they had, but that feeling that they might not wake up was still on their mind. 

If they didn’t wake up, what would happen to their friends and family? They would be heartbroken for sure, seeing a Fylass that has stopped breathing, and suddenly having to be buried 6 feet under, and maybe even eventually, forgotten. They felt horrible to let that possibility be true, for they thought they were selfish, for that, for this, and for the things they think they did before. 

"It’s o-okay. Don’t worry about me, I am not mad at all…!" Fylass stopped with that train of thought, to make a reply to the one that they considered their older brother back in the real world.

"U-Uh, sorry. I don’t know why I am acting like this. We’ve only talked a few sentences back then, and yet, I feel like we’ve met for a long time. It’s weird, I know…" 

Fylass was a bit startled by that, but quickly pondered about it; this Twilight Knight was only an effigy of the one Fylass knows pretty well, and even then, it seemed like it was more than that. Was he something else, or was he only the version Fylass wants Twilight to be? They were taking on that "role" perfectly in Fylass’ eyes, but it seemed like this version was taking on that role in a more literal way. 

What could be said about the rest? 

"...Oddly enough, I feel the same way." That wasn’t really a lie, they loved TK with no limits after all.

"Guess I am not weird then, haha…" Twilight chuckled. "Ah, thank you. Here, take this." The knight took out some tickets from behind his cape. "These are some tickets to the Memory Lane Cinema! Dolly gave us quite a lot of them, so I have many more to give, so I thought it would be good to give some of them to a wonderful person like you!" 

"...Wow. Uh… Thank you." Fylass took the tickets with them; they didn’t really know where to use them, but they were happy with them giving off these gifts. It felt real, and that’s what mattered to the kid.

"Hey, uh, I must leave, sorry. Thank you for the gifts, though! I promise to visit you when this is over, okay?" 

"O-Oh! Alrighty! See you, Club- I mean, Fylass!" 

That felt good, although they also felt sad to have to be reassured that things are okay. Things are okay, right?

Fylass walked out of the castle to meet up with the rest of the group.

"So… are we going?" Mikuto said to Fylass.

"Yeah, let’s go."

"Well, FINALLY! Let’s better find a way out!" Banshee spoke up next.

"...Wasn’t your plan to be sent here to avoid responsibility, or did I understand it wrong?" Unicorn remarked in a snarky tone. 

"Oh, shut it!"

The whole group had figured out at this point that these new members wouldn’t be able to comply, or at least, it was sure that Banshee would. Fylass on the other hand, was wondering what did Unicorn mean by that statement, although they weren’t going to ask that question since they thought it would be rude.

"Wait, what’s that in your hand?" Ades asked with curiosity. 

"Oh! Twilight Knight gave me these tickets for the "Memory Lane Cinema". I don’t know where that place is, but either way, that’s surely not important."

"Wait, the Memory Lane Cinema?! That place is amazing! You should visit it one of these days! Besides, I am pretty sure that the place we’re going to is right after it, so, win-win!" Damian spoke.

Fylass was interested in that place, and if what Damian said was true, the kid could take advantage of that. They looked at the rest of their friends, and they noticed that Lucid was pretty interested in that place too. Maybe it wouldn’t hurt too much to do something before sending Lucid to his home, right?

"Maybe we could take a short trip there if that’s the case…" Lucid spoke up.

"Well, if you say so…"

"Ugh, come on. This is just making things slower! We might as well leave you guys so me and Unicorn can find the way out faster!" 

"I am sure that won’t work. The last time we were alone in this world you tried to kill one of the inhabitants of this world because you thought they were a beast. These people surely know how to lead us to an exit, so we can’t lose this chance."

"FINE! But right after we find the exit, you won’t see my face around here!"

"Not if we would want to see you around…" Kurabe murmured under her own breath, although it was loud enough that everyone could hear it. 

"...Wait, what do you mean, find the exit out of this world? You aren’t from Wonderland?" Fylass questioned.

"Uh, no, we aren’t part of this bizarre land." Banshee answered. Fylass tried to rub it off as they meant that they came from another realm, just like Lucid. Maybe Underland too, perhaps? 

"Alright, we’ll try to help you go home too. Promise."

"Thank you. You are pretty noble." Unicorn said.

Fylass felt something; a sense of guilt and regret. They nodded silently, and tried to hide that feeling towards the rest.

"...Are you feeling okay?" Lucid said.

"Yeah, don’t worry. I am fine… Let’s just get going, okay?" 

The group started to walk towards their location, and they ended up having to cross the circus again to get there. The place was just as before, which wouldn’t be surprising on its own, but Fylass had to be wary; even though the place was calm and happy, in Wonderland, everything could happen.

"Heeeeeeeeyyyy!" A voice was heard in the distance, putting some of the cast on edge. They looked behind, and they saw an individual that seemed like Dark Matter, wearing a nutcracker outfit. 

"Oh! Erebus!" Damian spoke up first; Fylass remembered seeing her when hanging out with Damian one of those days; she was quite interesting for sure, a bit scary and somewhat manic, yes, but she didn’t try to kill Fylass or any of their friends, so it shouldn’t be a problem. Guess that Fylass placed her on their head too.

"Why, it isn’t the funny bookworm, Damian!" She snickered as she pulled out a whip just for fun. "Whaddya doin’ around here?"

"Oh! Just trying to help some friends out. We’re trying to get to Underland for a fella right here!" 

"Pfft. That sounds cool, shame that I can’t accompany you since I have to be working to pay in terms of work because apparently "murder isn’t fun". It’s a miracle that I am not in the dungeon!"

"If you keep doing it, I’ll make sure that you will." Ades said with a threatening voice. 

"Oh, woe is me!~ I am soooooo scared!~" She didn’t seem to care that she was talking like that towards three of the four Suit Bearers in the same place; she really was the same as how Fylass remembered her.

Ades sighed. "Let’s just go to the Memory Lane Cinema." Some of the members of the group were moving forward, although some decided to stop. 

"Er, well, excuse me but I think I will stop here!" Selene said with glee. "I am not really that interested in this journey, and considering that the circus reopened, I just want to have some fun with Wisp and the rest of the cats!"

"Oh, sure! No problem. Although, where are they?" Everyone looked in the distance, only to see Wisp trying to chase down Casey and Artemeta, who were terrorizing the visitors thanks to Artemeta’s new appearance.

"...Yeeeeeeah, I better get going. See ya, heehee!" Selene left the group, although no one was sure that she was going to stop them, or join them in mischief.

"Gee, great. Let’s just go." Banshee was losing patience about this, but Fylass tried to walk as fast as possible to their destination, and Lucid was about to smack him down, but only stopped to avoid more discussion; the least he could want at this point was to cause more ruckus, specially with Chaos’ recent attitude; it was strange, as if he remembered something he shouldn’t.

Soon enough, they reached Ades’ domains, which seemed much prettier than before, with the smell of flowers around the area, and a tune resembling jazz echoing through; even though it was pretty, both Ades and Fylass felt a sense of melancholy by only looking at the outside, and both didn’t seem to understand the reason of such, and only being able to keep going to their destination.

"Soooooooo, where do you guys live?" Mikuto asked both Unicorn and Banshee.

"Oh, us? We live in the Saddrac World, although SOMEONE thought that it was a good idea to send us to a random place just to avoid doing their job, and now we are here."

"Well, excuuuuuuuse me for trying to find a way to stop defeating enemies day by day! Things get tiring, you know?!"

"That isn’t an excuse!" 

"...Alllriiiiiiiiighty." Mikuto said, trying to end the conversation."

More and more steps were taken further into the land, until all of them noticed something was off; there was a new path that Fylass knew wasn't there before.

"This path should be it, for sure…"

The way was seemingly quiet, with the music gone, and only the sound of birds chirping was being heard; the surroundings wouldn’t be ones of dread, but rather, ones of a warning, and Fylass had the idea that something was, indeed, wrong.

"...Are you okay, kid?" Lucid asked.

"Oh, I am just… thinking."

"If you need help with something, you can ask us, okay? Just saying."

"...Alright."

It was a surprise seeing that the path of dirt leading our group to their destination was slowly starting to resemble a red carpet, and golden fences started to appear in place, and that’s where they saw it; a black building resembling of a cinema and a skyscraper, with the words "Memory Lane Cinema" embedded on that same carpet; its doors were huge, reaching an entire story when looking correctly.

"...Wow…"

"Weeeelcome!" Another voice had spoken, right next to the entrance, and as Fylass approached it, they could see some of their characteristics; a small dragon of blue ice colors, dark blue spikes and kind, black eyes; this description alone could make it seem like a terrifying foe, but he actually looked pretty friendly, although Lucid seem pretty nervous by his mere presence.

"Oh, hi there…!" Fylass said to them. They realized this person was wearing a suit that resembled one of a rich man, and also resembled a uniform for people working in movie theaters. 

"Welcome to the Memory Lane Cinema! Can I have your tickets, please?" Fylass remembered the tickets they had in hand, and showed them off to the mister. 

"Great! So, all of you can enter. Let me be your guide! My name is Klax, nice to meet you!"

"...N-Nice to meet you too…" Lucid said, stuttering.

The cast decided to enter the movie theater, with Klax as their guide. 

The inside was nothing ordinary in the slightest; it practically resembled a mansion, more than an actual movie theater, with lots of hallways on the sides, with the same red carpet on the floor; walls made from a checkerboard pattern of blue and cyan, and movie posters resembling actual curtains; the posters seemed to be slight alters of ones that Fylass had seen in the real world, some were funny looking, others were slightly disturbing.

"Here, we have an insight on all of the movies you are able to watch endlessly, since they never leave your side! Right there, there’s a counter where you can order popcorn and drinks, from tea, to many more!" Klax remarked, as Chaos, Lucid, Kurabe and Fettuccine felt shivers down their spines; they didn’t want to hear anything related to tea.

"...Well… thinking about my last statement…" Banshee spoke up.

"No. We are not staying here for you to watch some movies. I thought that your main goal was to get out, was it?"

"Oh, come on! Let me have some fun!"

"You’ll have your "fun" when we find out our way out."

"...Fiiiiiiine."

Fylass was even more interested in taking a peek at these films, but that interest peaked when they heard Klax’s new statement.

"Also, down that hallway, is the Memory Lane! A set of rooms where you can watch your closest memories in moving pictures! Those happy memories can be watched again, as long as you enter these rooms! Right there, you can find the exit taking the form of the backdoor!" 

"...What?! That’s possible?! Well, excuse me, I am leaving to see my movie!" Banshee said as he sprinted towards the hallway to find his room, as Unicorn grumbled, sighed, and went towards him in silence.

"...Would that be true? In that case… I think we can take a little break from going to Underland. I need to see something first." Lucid said. 

Fylass nodded in response, as he left. Quickly, the rest of the group left out of curiosity to see their memory rooms; Chaos seemed the most interested though. When Fylass was left alone, they did the same; maybe it was a good idea to take a break, and look at their memory lane. The kid went to the counter, got some popcorn for free, surprisingly, and went towards the same hallway.

Fylass quickly realized this hallway was segmented into many more hallways that seemed to be organized from A-Z, so they figured out that their memory lane would be on F. The kid quickly found it, although, before entering, they were curious about the others’ memory lanes. Klax didn’t state that you weren’t allowed to see memory rooms that aren’t yours, right?

They went towards their hallway to find Fettuccine’s memory room, and they opened the door slightly to see what was inside; the room resembled one of a cinema from the 80’s, and the film was a moment where Fetty was proposed marriage by Meta. Fettuccine was there, silently sobbing tears of joy; she was happy, and so, Fylass was happy.

Afterwards, Fylass went towards Banshee’s memory room; this time, the film was playing a scenario where Banshee was exploring a labyrinth with Unicorn and some other people Fylass didn’t seem to know; Banshee seemed happy, and so, Fylass was happy.

Next, it came to Chaos' room. This time, the film was off, and foggy, only projecting one single image; it was a man, dressed in dark gray clothing, with a golden orb on his chest; the mouth seemingly was moving, but there were no words coming out from it. Chaos was confused, and so, Fylass was too.

Trying to ignore what they just saw, went towards Lucid’s room. The film seemed much older, and it also projected one image; it was Lucid, or well, Shard, making a hat, and next to him, was someone that Fylass didn’t seem to recognize, due to having their face scratched out. Lucid was sad though, and so, Fylass was sad.

Many more rooms came into place, but after a while, Fylass saw most of them, leaving their own room. Fylass entered in it, and sat down in a seat seemingly made for them. 

This film seemed much newer than the rest, and it was a collection of snippets of memories that Fylass had with their friends and family. That time when Archie got them their purple PJ’s, that time when Selene, Dolly, TK and Ades got them a plushie, or that time when Dero and them did a friendly fight with Verin, Ava and Damian cheering them on in the background. Fylass was happy.

They were about to leave the room to reunite with the rest, but before they opened the door, a clicking sound was heard from inside the TV film, and they realized the movie had changed. 

Fylass was having a different outfit, the one they had when being with their father, Cosmounse, but was covered in blackened blood; they were having a cleaver on hand, and they used it to swing it towards Cosmounse’s face, as Fylass laughed and mocked him, as they said "THAT’S WHAT YOU GET." over and over; the room on the film was starting to be filled with that same blackened blood, and after a deafening scream, the movie ended.

"..." Fylass was tearing up. "Why…? Why am I getting reminded of that, even after all of that time? Why?" Fylass was sobbing, but they quickly hid those tears as they left the room. 

Walking down the hallway, they saw the group again, seemingly walking with curiosity.

"Oh! Kid, we’ve been looking for you. Are you alright?" Lucid said again.

"Y-Yeah, I am! Are you okay?"

"Indeed, I am too. Let’s just leave and find that cabin." Fylass nodded as they heard that, and left towards the backdoor exit, although they saw someone else walking down the hallway, Dero. 

"Oh, greetings. I should have expected to see you here." He spoke up to the group.

"Hi…" Said Lucid with a death stare looking at Dero. "What are you doing here?"

"Revisiting some memories, although I am about to leave and go towards the Card Castle."

"Alright then! G-Good luck with that!" Fylass said, trying to hide the fact that they were somewhat hurt by what they saw. Dero was about to leave, although he stopped and looked back.

"Pleiades, can I ask you a favor?"

"Hm?"

"Could you go with me towards the Card Castle? As the Diamond, I need to discuss some… matters with you."

"Oh. Sure, although, it better be quick…"

"Wonderful. Fylass, could you go with me as well, when you are done with your journey? You are the Club, and I need your help as well discussing these topics."

"...No problem. I can do that."

"Thank you. Now, Ades, let’s go." Dero said, as Ades left with Dero towards their new destination, and the rest went towards the backdoor exit. 

It was pretty, with trees around and around, gray flowers, and a big space that seemed that it could fit a house in that. Fylass used the clock to turn it to 11:59 again, and sure enough, the supposed cabin appeared out of thin air. A gray cabin with rotting wood.

"...This is it, perhaps?" 

"We need to figure it out."

Lucid opened the door, revealing a dusty inside, with no furniture, but a table with a chessboard on top, sliced in half, and one of the halves missing was replaced by a checkerboard; both were seemingly stuck together with glue, and at one of the lateral sides leaving the same distance between both sides of the board, was a minute hand from a clock pierced through it; all of the pieces of both sides were there, but the bishop on the chess board was missing.

The interesting part of the inside though, was a giant silver framed mirror that has a sign on top with the words "Looking Glass".

"...Why do I feel attracted to that mirror?" Chaos said.

"Like, in love, or something?" Fetty said, trying to joke with the situation, although she knew exactly what he was referring to. Fylass went closer to the mirror and touched it, revealing that it was crossable like water.

"What the-..." 

"Wait, let me try this!" Banshee said, trying to cross the mirror, only to find out that he wasn’t able to. "Oh, come on!"

Chaos was the next to try, and surprisingly, he was able to cross the mirror too.  "Guess that only Suit Bearers can cross it. Oh well…"

"...This must be the entrance to Underland… Are you ready Lucid? Grab my hand guys, so we can all cross this mirror together." Everyone nodded, and grabbed Fylass hand, and step by step, everyone crossed the mirror.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"My Queen, I have news to tell you."

"Hm? What is it?"

"...The Bishop is back."

"...What?"

"The plan needs to start. Now."

"...Are you sure this can help me get both thrones?"

"Yes, I am sure, Queen Majaway."

"...Okay, I trust you…"

"Mister Cosmounse."

--------

@that-fanperson-meg

@theflutteringdreameater

@galakianexplosion

@ilikesillythingswooo

@loaflovesdoodling

@lostsoulau-ask

@kachikirby

@kirby-universe-4162

@monsterhatdoodles

@moon-mage

@den-of-the-blue-dragon

@mossyriverrocks

@the-chaos-axolotl

@avathestarwarrior

@wyverewings

[hometoursandotherstuff]

I had no idea that there were so many castle homes around, and lately, a lot of them have been for sale. This stone version in Rochester, Michigan is quite an elaborate design. ($2.5M)  I remember this house, but it just dropped 11 days ago, which means it didn’t sell and they re-listed it.

It’s quite stately and seems to have everything, including a faux guard house and gates.

Check out the draw bridge entrance.

They went with light wood with a medieval look. 

Inside, it’s white and bright.

Unless they used cheap wood, why would they cover it up w/white paint?d

Open living/dining room. 

This empty space seems to lead to the kitchen and I suppose it can be set up as a sitting area,  since it has a fireplace.

The kitchen is big, but I’m not terribly impressed. 

It has a small pantry with an unusual tile backsplash- a parrot and a basket of fruit, plus a blue sink. 

This office is lovely- look at the floor to ceiling fireplace.

Red carpet on the stairs, beautifully carved ballusters, and a fresco on the ceiling.

Nice stone stairway down to the wine cellar. But, what is that hose for? 

Table nook for wine tasting. 

Beautiful entertaining space- look at the fireplace. It’s like having your own mead hall.  

Then, there’s another staircase here. 

This is a real entertaining space/man cave, especially with the billiards room. 

Ah, yes, what good is a bedroom w/o a trap door. (I wonder why there are openings above the curtains. Can you climb them to escape something? I notice that they eliminated the photo of the trap door room- it’s just a plain plywood storage space.

Just an extra room- is that a secret door behind the lamp?

I’m so disoriented. What is this room? A closet?

Powder room is nice.

This looks like a spa- very nice.

1 of 7 baths.

Another of 5 bdms. 

One of the more elaborate baths.

The cars have a fake street in the garage and a night sky in the ceiling.

https://www.zillow.com/homedetails/2009-Victoria-Hl-Rochester-MI-48306/24364811_zpid/