#I would say Achilles is more traumatized

[ellewelle]

The traumatized depressed gay murder muffins

[trancylovecraft]

(KNY) YANDERE PLATONIC! KOKUSHIBO x SISTER READER: You, Shibou. I, Kokoro (CHAPTER FIFTEEN)

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CHAPTER FIFTEEN: "..Soldier on, Achilles."

Amnesia is the loss of memory. It can inhibits the formation of new memories and/or the recollection of old ones. Several regions of the brain are involved in the process of memory including the amygdala, hippocampus, cerebellum, and prefrontal cortex. Damage to one or more of these areas can often result in post-traumatic amnesia.

Shizuko sat still, Legs closed and basketed at the end of the table.

The dark spots of his eyes remained enthralled upon the udon bowl before him, Unwavering as he watched the liquid residue of the noodle inside reflect the lights of the small dining room he sat in.

It was like watching fish make ripples in a pond. A quirk on his lips and a scrunch of his face, Tongue bit. He didn't even dare to pick up the lone pair of chopsticks sat beside the bowl, Seemingly went unnoticed by the boy.

Neither did the dim interior of the room, Where the sunlight of the brisk morning just didn't reach the small room. Only spits of radiance shining through the perfect square grid shoji-walls, No thin paper to let the sun from the surrounded garden shine in.

Despite the lack of light, Shizuko scrutinized the Tupperware, Scowling at the meal inside.

"Seriously, What the hell is that thinking face? You're lookin' at your udon like it offended you personally, Aren't you gonna eat it?"

Shizuko jerked his head up at the brash jest coming from across the table. Wide, Owlish eyes glaring back at Genya who spoke them.

Suddenly snapping back into reality, Registering the small dining room that they were located in.

"Mind your business. I'll eat it on my own time, You just focus on yours." Shizuko retorted, Quickly and despondent as he vaguely gestured towards Genya's own majority-eaten portion of Udon.

Shizuko swiftly retracted his hand afterwards, Defiantly tossing his head to the side to stare off somewhere else within the room. Anywhere but at him, Shizuko had better things to think about right now.

Genya's eyes narrowed, The pair of chopsticks entwined between his rough fingers lowered, Dropping into the bowl.

"..You're thinking about what happened back at the old Kakushi Base, Aren't you?" He asked, Knowing the answer not with words but by the way Shizuko snapped his eyes back over to his.

They widened like saucers, Accusatory in stance as he tried to keep his cool.

"Wow, Detective. How'd you figure that one out?" Shizuko retorted, Finally plucking the chopsticks from beside his bowl and scooping up the udon noodle inside. The woollen gloves hugging his hand being the only thing stopping from puking up at the touch.

Genya and Shizuko, The two renowned Tsuguko of Gyomei Himejima. Constantly in competition and combat with each other, Sparring or spat used interchangeably. Ever since they were both younger and in the care of their master, It had been that way.

So with all the time they had been together there was no question that Genya would be able to tell when Shizuko's off, Especially if it had been happening for a few months. Ever since that day in the billowing mountainside, Shizuko had just been.. Strange.

The ticking of his eye tocked a little more often, His sensitive fingertips were just a little more potent. He woke up just a little later, Sloppier when it came to training.

Genya could tell that it irked him.

"Whatever, I'm just saying that it's been months since it happened. I mean, I'm still pissed about it too but I mean.. Come on, Man." He scoffed, Rolling his eyes as he finally tossed down his chopsticks into the finished bowl, Only pungent residue remaining within the ceramic.

The other boy however paused the movements of his own chopsticks, Just before the udon noodle touched his lips.

"It's not like you could understand, You weren't there! You were stuck helping out on evacuations!" Shizuko scowled as he lowered his hand, Troubled face even more gnarly with that expression on his face.

Genya lowered a brow.

"Oh, You're going on about your fight with Upper Six." He said, Starting to sort his used Tupperware into a neat pile. "..You know, Neither you or Himejima-sensei has spoke about it. What did go down there..?"

Genya's follow on was much quieter than his starting statement, Dark eyes honing on Shizuko with a sharp glint. Since the Shrine Invasion neither Shizuko or Gyomei had talked about their brawl with the Uppermoon.

Not a lick or lisp of the event, A seemingly wordless agreement between the two to keep it under wraps. Genya couldn't deny he was curious. Especially since it was the catalyst for his allies discomfort.

Shizuko's lips pursed together, Thinning along with his eyes starting to wander off in what seemed to be thought.

The grip on his chopsticks tightened, Almost snapping them in half.

"..Upper Six, He was.. He was my friend.. Ne, Someone I was raised with and someone I use to consider my brother.." Shizuko whispered, His voice almost a brush in the air or a prayer amongst thousands.

His eyes focused on nothing, Nothing except the blizzard and the electric blue that chased it. Almost possessed, His gloved hand twitched and moved on its own, Covered fingertips raising to near graze his forehead under the mess of his curls.

They were shaking, His fingers. Even more once they brushed against his skin.

"He's.. He's the reason I had my accident, The reason I.. The reason I can't remember anything." His fingers entangled within the wilderness of his hair, Swiftly wrangling back his curls to reveal his forehead.

Large, Swollen and horribly malformed were only the first few words that came to mind. A massive scar where a gash had for no doubt once lain, Shaped like a star and mis-coloured from the rest of his skin, It was hideous and most seemingly painful.

Genya's eyes went ajar. The scar he was aware of through missed strikes of a training sword or a stray gust of wind, All accidents that were quickly covered up.

But now..?

Gloved fingers grasped at the scar on his forehead, Ever so slightly tighter and so absent-mindedly that the disgust of the sensation was forgotten in the moment, Along with the memories of how the scar appeared.

The only thing he recalled from that night was the emotion he felt. Betrayal, Terror and agonising pain. His head bashing against the far wall, Ichor bursting from the wound and the blood loss flowing out along with his memory lost.

That, And his face.

His childhood, Everything before he had came to the old monastery was gone like a drop in the sea. Forgotten in the waves of time, The only thing he remembered..

That touch, That warm touch..

It was divine.

"..I'm sorry." Genya finally spoke up, Much more serious in tone as he looked at him in shock. "I shouldn't of brought it up. Just forget I said anything.."

Shizuko sighed, Hand finally relenting from his forehead as the nauseating feeling of touch returned to him.

"No, You're right. Ngh.. I shouldn't be caught up in it, It's not like Kaigaku means anything to me anymore. He's dead in my eyes, Left us and became a demon.." Shizuko mumbled as he finally returned the udon to his lips, Starting to chew.

Genya shuffled on his knees, Now uncomfortable as the silence returned. The sounds of the early day and the chirp of the crickets in the square garden outside was no longer a comfort, Nor the birds warble in the trees, Just unsettled now.

Shizuko frowned, Sipping up the noodle into his mouth.

"Ne.. Either way, I have another demon to replace him." Shizuko chewed, Now directly gesturing to Genya with his chopsticks. Sly and sarcastic grin spreading his face, Watching as Genya's jaw dropped.

"Eh..?! Oh come on, I thought we were having a good moment there!" Genya exclaimed, A weathered fist slamming down onto the table which made the Tupperware atop shake and clatter together.

Shizuko however, Wasn't as startled as the dishes.

"Why, What's wrong? I'm just stating the obvious here, It's not my fault you're a demon muncher." Shizuko replied with an ever-smug grin on his face to which Genya scoffed at.

"It's not my fault you've got a girls name!" Genya retorted, Scrunch in his nose.

"Hey! It's not mine either, You think I wanted this name? What shitty caregiver I had must've hated me.." Shizuko muttered now with a slight tick to the smugness in his grin, Afterwards tossing the chopsticks onto the table and cupping the bowl to bring it to his lips.

Genya huffed.

"Must have, Though to be fair who wouldn't take one look at you and feel unbearable disgust." He jested, Trying to lighten the mood yet it seemed too heavy to be lifted as Shizuko didn't jab back.

A bad sign, Written in the boldest of inks.

Genya's smile lowered as he lowered his head along with Shizuko's, Awkward tension filling the air now. Shizuko tilted his head upwards towards the wood-panel ceiling, Bowl raising as he felt the savoury liquids enter his mouth.

He took a moment, Leftover toppings of broken seaweed and tofu chunks to chase it. It flooded onto his tongue until there was nothing but running droplets in the ceramic, Shizuko slammed it down with an audible clank!

Shizuko wiped his mouth on the sleeve of his clover-coloured kimono.

"Ngh.. Done." He breathed, Throwing a hand onto the tatami floor (Making sure it was just the start of his palm, Not his fingertips) to push himself up. "..I think I need to go take a walk in the garden for a bit.. I need to clear my head."

Genya blinked.

"Hey.. I didn't actually upset you, Right? You know I didn't mean that, Just said it to piss you off is all.." He admitted as he watched Shizuko get to his feet, Shake his hair until it was in an acceptable position and turn away.

"Ne, I know. I'm just not feeling well, Training from earlier really got to me is all.." Shizuko replied, Not turning back to Genya who still sat though a little more disgruntled than he was before.

He could only watch as his ally dragged his feet over to the sliding door. With practice, Using his elbow to push it open. Shizuko didn't look back at Genya and Genya knew that it wasn't what he said that irked him so.

It was still the Shrine Incident.

Genya wanted to know what really was up with him, But he wasn't exactly the right person to deal with it. He wasn't there, He didn't know his past with the new Upper Six, Nor was he there when he had his accident.

It was best that he stayed out of it, For now at least. Genya picked up the finished dishes, Cupping the Tupperware in his hands and not even getting annoyed at the ones Shizuko had left for him, He had other things to think about.

Genya just hoped Shizuko would search out the man who could cater to his worries. He sighed as he opened the adjacent door the the one Shizuko left from, Carefully balancing the ceramic in his hands, He started to march towards the kitchen.

☆♡☆

"There.. It seems to be all healed now.."

The ever-dim darkness of the false shrine was finally broken by the faint light of a rusty lantern, The amber light flickered against the decaying walls like the ember inside. It sat on her bedside, Right next to the eaten bowl of udon licked clean.

As ever, The infinity castle was cold. But even more so against the bareness of [F/N]'s skin, Her mid-section once kept warm and bound by bandages was now naked, The garments laying in a scarf-like heap on the old floors.

She felt down her stomach where the stitches once were, That life-threatening gash that near took her like and most certainly put her in a weeks long coma. It was a miracle that she was still alive, That she had came out of it without any chronic debility.

So much so that there wasn't even a scar..

"I see.." [F/N] whispered as she laid her cold palm on her equally cold stomach, Shivering in the brisk air, Hair on her nape standing up. A strange sensation as her time was mostly spent within the cold peaks of her Shrine.

Her eyes were focused entirely on her gut, An uneasy-wonder as she looked at the scratch-less skin.

Kokushibo stood only a few metres away from her, The reason the chill had affected her so much in the first place. Her muscles still tense from his presence, That and the fact that she had barely anything on apart from a Koshimaki and a thinnish layer of bandages she had used a chest cover.

His eyes, Six glowing eyes that were even brighter than the faint spark of the lantern-light beside him. They examined her, Her injury or lack-there-of especially. He just stood there silently, Not moving a muscle facial or otherwise.

She knew very well that he wouldn't try anything, No, Whatever obsession he had with her was never like that. But it still made her feel vulnerable and easy to attack. An instinct from her childhood days.

Never leave yourself defenceless..

"..Do you mind if you just.. Leave the room while I change?" [F/N] exasperated, Headache brewing in her mind both from the current situation and what happened yesterday. "No offense, Kokushibo-sama.. But it's just disturbing when you stand there like that.."

Kokushibo's lip twitched, Only a tick.

"..We will be heading off to do your daily training straight after, There would be no point in me leaving.. Either way, It isn't anything I haven't seen before.." Kokushibo replied, Stone-faced and stoic as his voice rumbled in the room.

[F/N] swallowed, Disgust running on her tongue and sweat dripping down her neck yet it hadn't even gotten to the sparring part yet.

"..Right" [F/N] gulped, Swallowing down the nauseating distain pooling and festering in her mouth. "Then if you could just turn around that would be fine, I'd.. I'd just prefer if you weren't watching.."

As soon as the words left her lips, Drifted into the frozen air of the room she had waited for him to turn.

But he didn't.

Kokushibo continued to stand there, Stiller than she was as she waited for him to look away. But instead all six of his eyes continued to linger on her, Wandering away from her injury to her side, Sickly golden slits narrowing.

Had she done something wrong? Was there something she had somehow let out on her persons? What was he looking at..?!

Kokushibo hummed, A single step towards her that sounded like exploding rocks made her repress the urge to back away. His hand reached out, Slow like a knife preparing to cut. Talons and all as they grazed her side.

A burning pain shot through her side, [F/N]'s muscles tensed up.

"I wonder.. How did you get an injury like this?" Kokushibo drawled as he examined the bruised skin, Slightly tugging her around so he could get a better look at where Akaza had jabbed into her.

Her saving shot, Or whatever it would be called, The one where he broke his vow to hurt a woman but aided her all the while.

[F/N] would've rolled her eyes if it wasn't for the ice currently running through her blood.

"It's.." [F/N] directed her eyes away from Kokushibo, Tounging at the side of her mouth to try and come up with some explanation she could tell him.

Tell him that she tried to commit suicide? Her captor of all people? [F/N] still felt a deep regret burning in her for telling Akaza, Her state of mind warped back then, She wished she had just kept her mouth shut.

So there was no way that she would ever tell Kokushibo. Not like he "sympathised" with her or whatever, Not like he still had some inkling of humanity in him unlike Akaza.

No, He was just a monster.

"You still haven't told me how you injured your wrist.. Is there something you aren't telling me?" Kokushibo mumbled as his eyes snapped over to her bandaged hand, The injury she had caused when she had punched a wall into the shrine's structure.

His gaze sharpened.

"..I do hope that my Tsuguko hasn't garnered any.. Distasteful feelings for your prescence here again. Tell me, How did you gain these injuries..?" Kokushibo lowered himself so that his eyes met with hers, Stabbing, Piercing into her.

Her lips thinned.

"..I tripped down the stairs, Hit my side and my fist at the same time. You know, Kokushibo-sama, You should see to getting some kind of banister lining them.. This isn't the first time I near fell down them.." [F/N] responded, Snake's tongue speaking quick and somewhat formal yet she still refused to look at him.

Though for some reason, The lies she use to taste didn't come so sour anymore.

"..Ah, So my comment about your footwork wasn't taken to heart then.." Kokushibo remarked, Referencing his constant jabs at her apparently flawed "footwork". He retracted his hands, And [F/N] tried not to scrunch her nose up.

Was he trying to make some kind of joke?

[F/N] just silently stared at the floor, Almost waiting for his next move as he stepped back away from her. The air much more thick, The consistency of tar. She didn't laugh, Neither did Kokushibo as he continued to stare dead at her.

[F/N] kept her eyes on the floorboards, Not looking up at him. Kokushibo breathed out.

"..Go get ready. It is time for you to test your strength once more.." He spoke, Stepping back just a little further, Feeling the depression of the floorboards move away to the other side of the room.

[F/N] sighed, Shivering once more within the nipping atmosphere of the Shrine. Shaking off the still aching bruise on her side, She scoffed once she realised Kokushibo had turned his back to her, Giving her some semblance of privacy.

Sparring, Even though he knew she was injured. [F/N] stumbled over to the closet not even a metre away. Kokushibo didn't even bat a single eye, And he had many. [F/N] asked herself why he even wanted to clash swords with her.

He knew she was strong, She fought against him a few months ago as a formidable opponent. [F/N] fished out her old samue set, The one she used often to train in. Now she had been turned into nothing but a caged animal to be poked with by sticks.

He didn't need to test her strength, She was cursed with it. [F/N] was the one who killed a thousand of his kind, The one who gave him a run for his own money, The one who fought Upper Three barehand on this very roof for fuck-sakes!

Maybe he liked torturing her, That was it.

[F/N] pulled the trouser half of the samue up from her ankles to her waist, Slipped her arms through the loose-fabric sleeves. She folded it over her, Set it in place. Making sure everything was fine, She dusted it off.

It wasn't like she didn't deserve the beat-downs, It's not like she didn't want him to go too far one day. She deserved it after all, The blood of hundreds still ran down her. It's why she couldn't bare to look in the mirror, To catch a glimpse of that red.

She strained her eyes away even now, Much preferring to turn back to Kokushibo and tell him that she was done. Kokushibo cocked his head to the side, Examining her up and down before he wordlessly stepped out of the door.

[F/N] didn't need words to understand he wanted her to follow, She did soundlessly, Just wanting to get this over with.

☆♡☆

The light filtered through the diamond-like holes in the walls, A designed pattern meant to illuminate the estate during the day.

The air was cool, Not the kind on a summers day but instead the faint chill of a golden hour autumn. A strong wind to blow through the hair and fabric of anyone caught in it. It was strange since it was the middle of spring, But the mix of both leaving summer heat and oncoming winter cold made it feel like it was much later in the year than it actually was.

Shizuko stumbled through the hallways, Wooden floorboards depressing under his minimum weight. He had traversed the rather linear hallways thousands of times, Yet he felt lost in his gait, A direction unknown.

He gazed towards the gardens, Barely lifting his head to catch glimpses of the carefully trimmed bushes and miniature lakes within. It was surrounded by the rest of Himejima's estate, A sort of plaza kept safe in the squared layout of the house.

He watched the water of the tiny stream trickle along the garden, Watched as the carefully made buddha statues held the aqua in their palms and guided it on their course. The reeds and the rye-grass all a vibrant green.

Shizuko sighed, Scrunching up his face. Genya bringing up his incident with Upper Six seemed to make him much more irked than he had previously thought. Now some weight was placed upon his chest, Now some throb came through the abrasion on his head.

The faraway aria of the birds wasn't anything that could calm him, Not right now. Nor the crickets chirp or the trickle of stream, Everything was just so.. Numbing now. It made him grimace as he paced the halls.

His memory was perfect. If you picked out a date, Any year, Any month, Any day. He could tell you exactly what he did as if it was written out plain as day. What he ate for breakfast, A word for word recite of the conversation he had with his master, Or even how many birds flew past him that day.

But he couldn't remember that.

Ever since his head was cut and mauled, He couldn't recall a single day before then. He might as well have just appeared one day. Everything before then was just a blur, Just one hot mess.

Except.. For that one feeling. The one that he felt on his hands as if it was yesterday, The only touch he could ever tolerate, Or even yearn for. It felt otherworldly, Comforting. That person of muddled face was like a god themselves, Elusive and unobtainable.

Shizuko wanted to know who they were, Who that person really was. But Shizuko didn't know who, Or where to even start looking. His master hadn't known either, Just recalling he had been left at their doorstep one day.

His master.

Shizuko stopped in his walk, A stumbled halt as he finally pulled his head over to the door beside him.

It was his master's private room he had built to pray in, The one always shadowed by the dark and candle-light was shown like stars in the night. Shizuko paused as he looked at the door, Faintly hearing the chants of sutras inside.

He was there, His master was inside.

Shizuko made an effort to be quiet, Careful not to step on any of the floorboards he knew would creak. He steadied himself on the doorframe, Leaning over so he could peer through the crack in the door.

And there he was, In all of his glory.

Shizuko could only see the back of his saturated-lime haori, The one emboldened with kanji. He saw his prayer beads and heard the faint clacking of them hitting each other, The sutra's also getting much louder.

Shizuko debated whether he should knock or not, Whether he should disturb him as he prayed at the candle-lit altar. Gyomei probably didn't want to talk about it, Hell, Shizuko didn't want to either-

"..You can come in."

Shizuko's eyes widened, Just now realising the sound of the beads clacking and his sutra's had went silent.

Gyomei turned his head to the side, And even though he was blind, Shizuko could swear that he was staring right into him with those white-out eyes. Gyomei waited, Shizuko barely snapped out of it before he answered.

"..R-Right, Sir." Shizuko stammered as he pushed open the door, Bowing down low in a sign of respect before stepping in. Gyomei turned around on his knees, Facing him now with his hands still together in prayer.

Shizuko closed the door only slightly behind him, The darkness becoming all the more present as he stood there awkwardly in front of his master.

He sighed.

"..I'm sorry for bothering you during your prayer, Himejima-sensei." Shizuko started, Formal in tone as he bowed once more to the man. "I just wanted to talk to you is all. I.. I have a lot of stuff on my mind right now."

The beads surrounding Gyomei's hands chattered together, Gyomei seeming to take in his words.

"I see.. Then please, Let me ask what bothers you so.. It would not be wise to keep it to yourself.." Gyomei advised in his ever-solemn tone, Bowing down slightly before gesturing him to sit down.

Shizuko nodded and took his offer, Hurrying over to the empty spot in front of the man and sitting himself down neatly atop it.

After settling down and the curls of hair were parted from his eyes, He took a moment for himself. Still hearing the crackle of the candle fire in the back, He listened to it for only a second as if trying to find the words to say.

"Begin whenever you like.." Gyomei assured, Nodding once in encouragement to his Tsuguko.

Shizuko sighed.

"Thank you.. It's just I've been thinking a lot lately, You know.. About the night at the Kakushi Base?" He explained, Slightly hesitant as he eyed the older man for his reaction.

Gyomei's frown deepened, Sharpening as the soft clacking of the beads started to pick up. Shizuko deflated, Knowing he had stricken a cord somewhere.

"..Ah, Yes.. I suppose I should have known that we would have this conversation one day, In fact.. I believe I even might have been expecting it ever since that accursed day in the snow.." Gyomei admitted, Slowly nodding to his words.

Shizuko bit his lip, Vision seemingly elsewhere as he tried to hold back the spill of words.

"I-I mean.. Kaigaku.. How could he do something like this? How could he become the thing that killed our family, My siblings..! Did we just not matter to him?" Shizuko scoffed. "Of course we dont.. How could I say that he gives a shit when he went and became a people-eater?"

Shizuko muttered, Suddenly forgetting his manners as he spoke. Knuckles near popping as he gripped the hems of his green haori, Near ripping the fabric in two at the memory. Gyomei hummed, Brows furrowing.

"Kaigaku has always been troubled.. He stole, He thieved and he robbed.. But he always did it for the sake of us, Shizuko. Kaigaku has become undesirable and an enemy to the corps. But I admit.. I do have blame to take for the way he has turned out." Gyomei spoke, Growing much softer.

Shizuko finally looked up at the man, Staring him dead in the face. Disbelieving as he shook his head, Barely hiding a scoff.

"Ne, Kaigaku was always a rat.. You had no part to play in it, Sensei. He deceived us, He lied to us, He used us for money! He.." Shizuko croaked, Teeth starting to bare as he resisted the urge to grasp his head. "H-He let that demon maul my face.."

Gyomei's lips thinned as he listened on to his Tsuguko's words, Hearing as his talk start to become a rant.

"..I understand, That night was the worst one of your entire life.. And it was mine too. When I laid my fists upon the demon that killed my kids, When I found out of what Kaigaku had done.. I felt rage, I felt anger at everything that denounced my Buddhist vows, I felt rage towards Kaigaku and his ignorant actions.." Tears now started to flood faster down his cheeks, Hot as they dripped onto his hands of prayer.

His frown sharpened.

"But looking back, I know I should have discouraged that boy.. I had chose to forget of his thieving actions because we needed the money. I knew he was troubled and chose to ignore it.. It is my fault that he turned out as such." Gyomei finished, The sorrow in his voice much more potent.

Shizuko couldn't supress a sneer anymore.

"..Every time I bring him up, You always take blame for his actions! You keep saying that he was just troubled- Why can't you just accept that he's a monster? Both now and then?!" Shizuko spat, Pushing himself up to the floor now with a single hand.

Gyomei turned his head up towards where he had stood, Proceeding to follow him up to the floor as he got onto his feet, Easily overshadowing the boy before him. Shizuko

He knew he had to diffuse this quickly.

"Shizuko, It's a complicated an-"

"I DON'T WANT ANOTHER EXCUSE!" Shizuko finally whipped his head to look up at him with angry eyes, He was pissed, Knuckles near popping as he tried to get up in the face of the admittedly taller man. Shizuko seethed.

"I don't want some stupid explanation as for why Kaigaku was just troubled! Or- Or- Deserving of sympathy! E-Even back then you refused to kill him, Even though he's a demon!" Shizuko cried, Starting to stumble over his words as he bared his teeth at his master.

"I-Isn't that what you keep harping about? Our duty as a demon slayer being to kill every last one? Not to rest until you do?" Shizuko reiterated, Shaking his head as he approached him "Y-You could've just killed him back in the snow, But you didn't.."

"I couldn't kill one of my kids.. Shizuko. Not you nor Kaigaku, No matter how far he may have fallen.." Gyomei lamented, Shaking his head. "You know how much it pains me to kill.. To go against my vows as a monk."

"So what?! He's a demon now, Not a human being! You said it yourself, You insulted him too!" The younger jabbed, Incredulous, Looking at the man with ire and confused anger.

Shizuko stepped back, Looking at the man he admired with such unfound before disgust. What respect was usually given was held back now, Only giving venomous looks that Gyomei could only feel burning into him.

Kaigaku, The person now demon that was the reason his family was dead, Why that monster mutilated his face. Why couldn't his master understand that? That he should be just as angry as he was.

Gyomei on the other hand, He had foresaw this coming, He had for months. He knew that this talk had to happen eventually and thus kept himself calm, Not a muscle tensed or ticked.

He tried to reach out a hand, To place on Shizuko's shoulder.

"-I said it so you could get behind him without him noticing." Gyomei corrected "..I feel rage at the boy, I promise you that I do.. But I should not let it get the better of me, Not like it did back on that horrid day.." Gyomei deplored. And if Shizuko looked close, He could see his hands-in-prayer start to shake.

The feeling of fists on flesh, Beating the bloody pulp of that demon into the ground until the sun hit his face. It was gorey, The feeling of hot blood spurting out onto his knuckles. He had never felt so fallen from grace before, Not before he truly found out how strong he was.

Even now he felt the blood trickle down his fingers just like it was yesterday, Like it was still there..

But now he felt Shizuko slap away the hand he offered him, Consumed by the moment and his enraged heart. Gyomei could only feel sorrow for the boy as he continued.

"Y-You keep saying stuff you don't mean, It wasn't even just at the shrine! You.. Why can't you just understand that he's the reason that our family is dead..! H-He's the reason that I lost my memories.. He's.." Shizuko's rage, The one that spilled out in rage started to turn out in tears.

They started to speckle his eyes, His mouth growing more humid by the moment as his lungs started to burn.

His face was still snarled, The candles embers still burning bright even as they flickered. The darkness of the room barely covered the anguish behind his voice.

"Y-You don't even know where the hell I came from..!" Shizuko mourned, Voice wheezing and choking from his throat. The tears in his eyes started to build, Boiling like a pot, Stinging him.

Gyomei sighed, Stepping towards him.

"Please just-!" Shizuko stammered, His voice dying down to a near whisper before the tears finally spilled over his eyes.

"..J-Just tell me who the hell I am."

Gyomei reached out once more, And this time Shizuko didn't argue once he felt the firm hand of his mentor grasp his shoulder.

He was shaking like a leaf, A rare moment when his resolve started to tremble like a tree in a storm. Shizuko's fists were balled yet he threw no punches, Only dropped his head down to stare at them as he tried not to weep harder than he already was.

Gyomei's hand squeezed his shoulder, A single thumb rubbing circles into it. His touch was unfortunately revolting, Making Shizuko tense up. But despite the disgust coursing through his veins, He didn't shake it off.

He didn't want to, Even though it made him want to sob even harder.

"..I'm sorry, I wish I could give you the answer that you desire but that is not for me to give." Gyomei assured, His voice was soft yet it sounded so loud within the darkness of the prayer room.

"..Who you are is for you to decide. My rage got the best of me once, And it almost became who I was. But I never let it consume me.. And I have tried so very hard to make sure it never happens again." Gyomei spoke "So please.. Trust me when I say that who you are is who you choose to become.. Neither your lost memories or your anger define you, Not unless you let them.."

Shizuko sniffled.

"B-But that's just it, Isn't it?" Shizuko croaked, Wiping his tears on the sleeve of his yukata. "I do remember just the tiniest bit.."

Gyomei's eyebrows knitted together, The thumb rubbing circles into his shoulder halted, Just for a moment.

"..Whatever do you mean?" Gyomei asked.

"T-There's someone out there that knows who I use to be. There's someone out there who held my goddamn hand.. And hell, It felt nice." Shizuko admitted as the dried tears quickly became replaced, Falling down quicker once that otherworldly warmth came back to him.

Gyomei however, Whatever reaction Shizuko had been expecting from him. Shock, Intrigued, Happy that he had at least some memories. And sure, There was some of that there but it was taken over by something else.

Something more.. It was something more hesitant.

Shizuko caught onto it immediatley, Observant eye able to pick up the oddities in his expression.

He sniffled, Scrunching up his face as he shook the newly born tears off.

"..You.. You don't know who that is, Right?" Shizuko asked, Stutter still in his voice yet more pronounced and steady now. Gyomei thinned his lips, The intensity in his muscles becoming much more visible.

"Shizuko.." Gyomei drawled which just made Shizuko move forward, Eyes on him like a hawk, Not letting them wander for a second. The way he was acting, Though difficult to see in the dark.. He knew something.

"..Master." Shizuko replied, Slowly and with intent as he carefully eyed the taller man who was currently in debate of his own. Stiff as the statues he prayed to at the altar behind him, Cold stone on his face as he played out the discourse in his head.

He recalls the conversation he had with Kanroji back at the Hashira Meeting, When they had discussed [F/N] and her relation to Shizuko as his older sister. It was a good while ago now, But he still felt confused by it all.

Everything. How he was simply tossed on the temples doorsteps as a child, How he spoke of an older sister. Knowing now that it was [F/N], A colleague he had allied with for years, It shone an entire new light on everything now..

Yet somehow, He was still in the dark.

"Shizuko.. " Gyomei muttered, His morals at war.

"Alright then.. But keeping lies is against my morals and good concious, If he does ask about anything pertaining to this then I will not lie to him.. And I do hope you tell him in due time, Kanroji-san"

It was against his morals and his good concious, It would be a sin to lie to him. But on the other hand.. How could he possibly begin to explain to him something Gyomei couldn't even explain himself?

"Master.. Please. Tell me, Do you know something..?" Shizuko whispered, As faint as the candles waning. His eyes scanned over every facial feature, Ones he had learned the ticks and tocks to. "Do you.. You do, You do know something..!"

There was no way around it. No avenue or alleyway he could divert down to direct the conversation to a different topic. He needed to be honest, Be truthful. That was what his principles spoke of, Right?

"Shizuko.. I've been meaning to tell yo-"

"CAW CAW!"

The call of that all too familiar beast called out, Followed by a sudden sound of what seemed to be rapid tapping at one of the room's window frames.

Gyomei instantly snapped his head over to where the sound was coming from, Where the window was hidden behind several rich tapestries depicting stories from his religion. Suddenly feeling awkward, Shizuko stared as his master moved towards the window, Peel back the tapestries and let light flood into the room.

It was blinding compared to the shadow the room was bathed in, Making Shizuko stammer back and raise a hand to cover his eyes. Gyomei, Unaffected, Slid the window-shutter open to reveal the crow behind them.

It's feathers shone under the afternoon light, Light near rolling off them. Once Shizuko got use to the light he finally recognised the crow as Kamakiri, The Insect Hashira's crow, One he had often seen flying around in Corps Area's he often loitered around in.

Her beak snapped once, The little butterfly charm around her neck shaking as she spoke.

"CAW CAW! STONE HASHIRA HIMEJIMA GYOMEI! YOU HAVE BEEN ASKED TO MEET AT THE BUTTERFLY MANSION ON THE REQUEST OF MY MASTER, INSECT HASHIRA KOCHO SHINOBU!"

Kamikiri's voice was loud, Echoing out throughout the entire room as she delivered her message. Gyomei hummed, Rattling the beads snaking around his hands.

"For what reason..? Did your master give you any cause?" Gyomei asked.

"NO REASON WAS GIVEN HOWEVER IT WAS STATED TO BE IMPORTANT! CAW CAW! DO YOU ACCEPT THE INVITATION?" Kamikiri squaked once more, Flapping her wings once in the radiant light and waiting for his response.

Gyomei lowered his brows, Seemingly taking in the words as the beads around his hands clacked together like heeled shoes on the floor. He wasn't summoned often, Especially not by another Hashira..

"..Yes. I will set off to The Butterfly Mansion as soon as I can.. Please tell Kocho-san I will be there by the next morning at the latest.." Gyomei spoke softly, Lowering down into a bow with his hands still pressed in prayer.

Kamikiri did the same, Mimicking the same bow a human would do but on her talons. Once she raised back up however, She squawked out a goodbye before she flapped her wings once more, Turned around and took off out the windowsill.

Gyomei raised from his bow too, Reaching back up to his full height. Shizuko watched as Kamikiri soared into the air, Wind was no obstacle to her as he watched her surge out onto the horizon. And once she was gone, He snapped his head back around to his master.

"..Shizuko, We will need to continue this conversation later.." Gyomei finalized as he resettled the heavy haori over his shoulders, Adjusted the shirt of his uniform and fixed his belt.

Shizuko knitted his brows, Stepping forward.

"Wait! Can't you just finish what you were about to say? About what you were going to tell me?" Shizuko gawked as Gyomei finished adjusting his clothing, Turning his head over to the younger boy. He sighed, Frown thickening.

"Later.. I promise you that I will answer you in due time, When I get my words in order.. But right now I must leave." Gyomei assured, Taking a few steps towards his apprentice and bowing down slightly towards him.

And when Shizuko looked in his uncoloured eyes, He knew he had fucked up.

Shizuko didn't react, Just looked up at him. The thundering of his heart started to slow, What storm inside starting to dwindle at the action his master took. Shizuko suddenly became aware of the past conversation, What disrespect he had shown.

He had let his emotions take over, His anger consuming him. He had yelled at his master, The one he had grew up with and the one he had trained under for who knows how long? Forget that forgotten memory, Just for a second, He needed to focus on the person he remembered.

Shizuko sniffled, The last of his tears drying.

"I.. I'm sorry, Himejima-sama." He spoke, Returning to his formal tone through his shaky voice. He lowered down into a bow, Just like his master did before. "I shouldn't of been so disrespectful to you, Please, Forgive me."

Gyomei sighed but eventually a small smile came to his face, Something now illuminated by the newly moved tapestries. He moved forward just a step towards him, The candlelight still burning bright in the back.

"You do not need to worry.. I understand." He spoke. "I will be heading out now.. But in the meantime, Please go and rest.. I know how hard you have been working lately, Do not overwork yourself.. It is poison to the body."

Shizuko looked up, Taking a moment to look upon his face before nodding.

"Yes, Himejima-sama.." He spoke, Almost as low as the wind drifting in from the window. Gyomei nodded towards him, Turning around before striding off towards the door, Hands still pressed together in prayer.

He said his goodbyes, Leaving Shizuko alone within the room. His only company was the cantata of the birds outside, The flicks of the flames on the votives and his own screaming head.

Shizuko turned to the open window, The tapestries still peeled back from the usually covered opening. He looked out into the gardens outside, The tree's swaying in the open wind.

Gyomei knew something, Something Shizuko had been longing for his entire life. But how could Shizuko have been so brash when asking about it? He had just let wrath come to him, Let it burn him.

It seemed like that had been happening more and more lately, Becoming bitter about the slightest thing and not the orderly soldier he was suppose to be. But he couldn't fret, Once Gyomei was back he could fix this.

Shizuko felt a throb in his chest, Gyomei actually knew something. The look on his face told him everything he needed to know. Well, Not everything, But he knew that Gyomei was hiding something from him.

And hopefully that answer would fix his irritability.

☆♡☆

"ACK-"

[F/N] tossed around in the air, Launched back by another one of his strikes. And just as all the training sessions before, Her body slammed against the wall of the far courtyard. As always she was defeated, Tumbling to the ground with her training sword flying out of her hand.

Hands gripped into the ground, Lifting her aching head only slighty just to sputter up more blood.

"As always.. Your footwork is lacking.." The voice of her captor called out from the otherside of the courtyard, [F/N] could almost feel the smugness showing through his stoic tone. It made her grit her teeth, Blood dripping down her busted lip.

She scoffed, Tasting the iron on her tongue.

"U-Understood, Kokushibo-sama.." [F/N] spat out, Ichor decorating the floor where she cursed him under her breath. Shaky hands pushed down, Levelling her up to her knees where she tried not to collapse once more.

Kokushibo stood under the great tree in the middle, His golden eyes piercing through the shadow to stare at her. He watched as she picked up her fallen sword, Dust off her dirty Samue and wipe the blood from her lips.

They narrowed in on her, Almost disappointed.

"Pick yourself up, Our session here today is done.." He simply stated, Sliding the flesh-forged blade of his sword into its sheathe. And without a word, [F/N] watched as he turned away.

And as soon as she blinked, He was gone.

[F/N] groaned, Hands going to grapple at her side. Akaza really didn't hold back there, Neither did Kokushibo as he mercilessly sliced at her. He didn't go easier on her despite her injuries.

[F/N] knew that she'd have a few more bruises to show for it, And she cursed Kokushibo out all the same.

She pushed herself to her feet, Stretching as she raised her arms into the air. [F/N] tried not to cringe once she felt that pain in her side, Almost like her ribcage was settling back into place.

It wasn't a pleasant feeling.

That bastard, [F/N] thought as she sauntered over to the tree. These sessions were completely pointless, Him telling her that it was "Training" which made absolutely no sense. She was a slayer, So called the strongest alive.

He knew this, He didn't care. [F/N]'s knees shook once she finally got under the tree's shadow, Too tired to even walk as she pressed her back against the stump. [F/N] slid down until she was nestled within the thick roots, Held high atop the little grassy hill.

[F/N] let out a sigh, She just wanted to sleep.

And she almost did, Eyelids fighting to stay vigilant. She had only woken up about an hour ago yet she still felt exhausted.

Haze started to set over her vision, Curtains closing as she felt her body grow limp.

"Hey."

[F/N] blinked.

"Oh.. It's you." [F/N] yawned, Rolling her shoulders as she propped herself up against the tree. A good few metres away from her stood Akaza in all his glory, Stature tall as his eyes narrowed in on her. Akaza rolled his eyes.

"Of course it's me, Who the hell did you expect it to be?" He scoffed as he took a few steps towards her, Something gripped tightly in-between his knuckles as he went.

[F/N] didn't respond, Only curling up into herself tigher. She seemed to bury herself into the roots of the tree, Not meeting his eyes. She didn't want to, Especially once she felt the heat of them burn into her figure.

Akaza's brows furrowed.

"Okay.. Fuck it- But are we gonna talk about what happened yesterday? I mean, Come on. Are we just gonna ignore your suicide attempt? Not talk about it at all?" Akaza took a few steps closer, Only making [F/N] curl up further.

[F/N] winced. Of course he was going to bring it up.

"I don't want to talk about it, I wasn't in the right mind back then. Just- Ignore everything we talked about. I was tired, I was bitter about being here.. I was just being stupid. Just forget it, Okay..?!" She hissed, A defensive snarl starting to appear on her lips.

Akaza just stepped closer towards her.

"But are you fine now?" He asked, Raising a brow at her. She stared at him, Only for a second. The shoulders [F/N] held up like a barricade started to lower, Leave it up to [F/N] to get defensive over a question, One that she knew was due to be asked.

She sighed.

"..Now, Yeah." [F/N] replied quietly, Still unable to meet his eyes. Akaza took a moment to look into her eyes, The ones that didn't look back at his. He almost didn't believe her, But unlike yesterday her fighting spirit wasn't roaring like it use to. No, It was completely dead now.

"..Right." Akaza said, Finally sauntering up the little hill and setting down the rectangular box he had been holding in his hands. Handle clattering into its normal position once he let go of it.

[F/N] blinked, Snapping her head over to look at the noise.

"Erm.. What's that?" She asked, Hesitantly eyeing it up and down like a ticking bomb.

"Food. If you want to get out of here and fool Upper One, You're doing it on a fighter's diet." Akaza replied as he kneeled down towards the wooden box, Starting to peel off the lid from the top.

[F/N] grimaced.

"I'm not hungry." She replied quickly as she watched Akaza open the box, Letting the aromatic smell of perfectly cooked fish and other delicacies inside flow out. [F/N] tried not to salivate at the scent of it, Not daring to look at it either. Slightly suprised that he had brought food for her.

Akaza shook his head.

"No, You're gonna eat it." He stated, Almost as if she had digested it already. "It's got everything you'll need to scale the Infinity Castle, This is the standard that your weight-class and gender should get."

[F/N] bit her lip.

"Yeah well.. I've just not been that hungry lately. Thank you but.. You can have it." She replied, Shaking her head as she smelt the scent of fish come from it. Seeing the enticing shimmer of the fish scales inside, She tried not to give in.

And fuck.. She was starving.

"I can't eat human food, Idiot. Besides, I can basically see you drooling there." Akaza scoffed as he watched her take peeks at the food "You look starving. Are you seriously gonna waste food?"

[F/N] quirked a lip, Already regretting telling him about her childhood. Dirty tricks, But there weren't much else he could play. Swallowing down the excess of her saliva, She finally turned her head to look at him.

"I hate you for this, You know that? Right?" [F/N] hissed as she reached a hand down towards the box, Bare hands starting to grab fistfuls of rice and fish-meat cutlets from within the neatly packed bowls.

"There's cutlery there.. Oh." Akaza trailed off once he saw her shove handfuls of rice and meat into her mouth, Bare-handed and she didn't care that she looked like a rabid beast choking down meat into their maw.

It matched the rest of her appearance. Her ragged hair, Her dirtied skin and clothes. Even her eyes had a wild look in them as she scarfed down her meal and wipe the excess off her samue's sides, Eyebags protruding them from her face.

Akaza almost gagged if not for remembering how he did the same thing, Only with human meat of course.

"So.. " Akaza started, Continuing to watch her scoop handfuls of mixed food and shove them into her mouth. "About that thing with Upper One.."

[F/N] choked down another chunk of rice, Wiping her mouth on her sleeve before looking up at him.

"What thing?" She asked.

"..You know? The idea that I suggested and the one you agreed to? To get closer to Upper One?" Akaza raised his brows, Watching as [F/N] narrowed her eyes before shoving another fistful into her mouth.

"Oh- Yeah, That thing.." [F/N] said through her chewing, Almost deflating once he reminded her. She had been hoping to avoid it but..

"So? How's that coming along?" Akaza asked, Folding his arms as he watched her scarf down her meal. [F/N] shook her head, Lowering her gaze away from him as she swallowed down her food.

Fuck.. She loathed how disgustingly delicious it tasted.

"..Come on, How exactly am I suppose to get along with him? He's an unfeeling prick.. I doubt he even has any emotions I could appeal to.." [F/N] groaned, Shaking her head at the mere prospect of him having feelings.

"You said he's fucking obsessed with you, So appeal to that?" Akaza exasperated, Shrugging his shoulders.

[F/N] rolled her eyes.

"Oh, Yeah, Right.. Let me just start acting nice and loving to him all of a sudden, I'll just start pretending that I actually like him. I'm sure he won't notice somethings up at all!" [F/N] sneered, A malicious smile spreading across her face which she proudly displayed to Akaza.

He sneered back, Shaking his head at her behaviour.

"Oh come on! How about you shut it and actually try make some leeway here, Eh? I'm not saying you should start liking it immediately, I'm saying that you try and work away at it." Akaza snapped, Stepping closer to her until he finally got to her side.

[F/N] stared up at him, His eyes made all the more prominant as they shone through the tree's shadows, Glaring back at her. [F/N] dropped her malicious smile in favour of a frown, Finally turning away from him.

"..Whatever, I'll figure it out." [F/N] finally spat, Wiping away the last of the foods residue from her mouth. Rice bits shook off her hands as she finally deflated back against the tree, [F/N] didn't have the patience to argue.

Akaza in turn, Lowered his snarl once he saw her start to shrink in on herself.

He felt a sort of pull in his chest, One that he instantly shrugged off in favour of kneeling down and sitting back down beside her with a grunt.

[F/N] watched as he pushed his half-naked back up against the trunk, Bare feet entwined with the overgrown grass. He didn't look at her, Just stared off somewhere far-off and pulled his knees near his chest.

She gazed at his features for a second. His gaunt skin to contrast with the deep navy stripes running across it, The way his pinkish hair drifted in the air. [F/N]'s nose twitched, He had no right to be demanding.

But whatever.

[F/N] turned back to stare in her own designated place, Nowhere in particular, But somewhere she could just relax back against the tree and take in the air. The air that was fresh, The air that brought her back to her senses.

The only warm place in this entire place, The heart of the shrine. Despite the coldness surrounding it, It flourished anyways. Despite the harsh environment it endured, It was still thriving. [F/N] breathed in the air.

It was nice.

"..You still haven't finished your food."

"Fuck you."

☆♡☆

The skies were orange, A pungent shade of burgundy into citron set over the small township.

The wind was crisp, Cool to anyone caught in it. Birds warbling an aubade could be heard in the trees, Crickets joining in for the chorus in the new morn. People were out in the streets, Walking by and happily conversing with one and other as they went.

Gyomei walked brisk, Short hair dancing with his haori waving within the wind. The Butterfly mansion was large, The biggest property in town so it gave him plenty room to just stride throughout the place unbothered.

But a walk wasn't what he was here for, No, Instead it was the Insect Hashira who seemed to be nowhere about. Despite asking around, Mostly from that Kanzaki woman and the three little girls that followed her, They had no idea where Shinobu was either.

So here he was, Wandering throughout the lavish gardens of the mansion. Striding past crops of fresh veg and tree's filled with fruit and fauna. The air was something Gyomei could appreciate, Something he almost stopped to enjoy within the daybreak.

He breathed out.

"..Himejima-san!"

A voice called out from somewhere above, Somewhere that Gyomei tilted his head up towards. On top of the tiled roof of The Butterfly Mansion, Sat Shinobu perched upon the edge.

She smiled down at him, Soft and delicate. Glossy eyes honing in on him.

"Kocho-san..!" Gyomei called out to her, Soft as a yell could be as he pressed his hands in prayer. "You summoned me here for something important.. Not explained by your crow.. Please, Do you mind telling me the reason I have came today..?"

Shinobu hummed. Luckily for her, The part of the roof she was perched on was rather low. Somewhere she could easily make her way down from, Which is exactly what she did as she nudged herself off.

Shinobu almost drifted, Butterfly haori glistening in the orange light as her feet hit the ground with a barely audible thud.

But Gyomei's hearing was impeccable, Now fully turned to the direction of where she had landed. Listening to the soft patter of her footsteps as she made her way over to him.

"Yes, Yes.. I must apologise for the lack of information as I sent my crow out rather hastily, I'm sorry for acting so rash.. It's not like me to do so~!" Shinobu sang as she came closer to him, Pausing in front of the man before bowing herself down lowly in respect.

Gyomei, Sensing the action. Reciprocated as he lowered himself in response.

Shinobu rose.

"The reason I asked you to come here today is because I got a rather interesting tip-off from my crow!" Shinobu announced, Hand raising before going under her haori.

"You see, I had sent out my crow a few days ago to a village in Fukushima. He was tasked with purchasing some specific herbs that I needed from that region, But unfortunately things didn't go exactly as expected.."

Gyomei lowered his brows, The beads around his hands starting to chatter.

"Yes..? And what exactly happened..?"

Shinobu's smile widened, Yet her eyes darkened all the same.

"My crow was intercepted by a man in the village when he had went to pick up the herbs- He had fastened a rather interesting letter around her neck, One that I think that would interest you.." She drawled out as she watched his expression change.

Gyomei, A man of not many expressions simply stiffened his figure. A man had targeted a Kasugai crow? Of course, Demons were known to try and attack crows during the night. But a man? A human man? And of all things had wrapped a letter around it's neck and sent it on it's way.

Shinobu's expression was bright, Just as scorching as the sun that silhouetted her. Smile stretched on her face, Yet her eyes contained such thanatoid dullness. Something dark brewing within.

Something that even Gyomei could feel, An unease going through him.

Shinobu fished out the letter from within her haori pockets, Hair dancing in the faint wind as she unscrolled the spotless fibre from it's shape. Though she didn't mean to read it aloud, No.

She just needed to check, Just that she was reading it right, Just for the thousandth time.

"..There is a possible sighting of Uppermoon two, Apparently associated with some sort of cult near the village." Shinobu announced as she scanned her eyes across those two dooming words, The ones that she smiled so scaldingly bright at.

Gyomei's eyes widened, The clanking of beads stopping.

"This is.. You mean to say that there was another Uppermoon sighting..? Of number two, Of all moons..!" First it was Upper Six, Defeated in The Red Light District. Next, It was the attack of Uppermoon Four and Five on the swordsmith village.

Just like that.. In over a century several had been slaughtered from their ranks. Now, It was Upper Two?

"Of course." Shinobu nodded as she gently patted the letter back within her haori pocket. Gyomei sensed there was something she was not telling him, Something that she was keeping away. It made him suspicious, Incredibly so.

Gyomei had a frown on his face, Deeper than it ever was.

"Kocho-san.. I'd advise you to go to Oyataka-sama before me.. I am not the messenger you want since you happen to have all the information.. We need to plan something out before we act..!" Gyomei urged, Cogs already starting to turn.

Shinobu hummed.

"..Of course, I will go to him but not right now. Not before I do some scouting of my own, You must understand!" She laughed airily until it trailed off into the wind, Blowing past her before it died down entirely.

Gyomei paused.

"I.. Then why me..? Why did you ask me specifically to come here if you don't want to tell anything to the corps..? Something I deeply advise against.." Gyomei warned once more.

But Shinobu didn't respond, Just acknowledged it with a single warble of her throat before clearing it.

"Oh, Don't worry about it~! I'll explain to you in a moment.."

She smiled, Even wider.

"There is still one left to arrive.."

☆♡☆

[F/N] laid, Still pressed up against the trunk of the tree, Listening to the sounds of air travelling through the shrine.

Akaza sat next to her, The box too now empty of the food it once held. Carefully packaged food, Bowls of rice, Canteens of soup and cutlets of many meats all ravaged and scarfed down.

[F/N] admitted that it was good. Disgusting, But good. Hard to swallow yet settled in her stomach fine.

She breathed in the air, Fresh and poignant as it filled her lungs with life. The aching of her bones from training earlier still had a lingering pain, Throbbing and bruised.

It almost spoiled her mood, Especially since she now felt something akin to normalcy once lazing on a mockery of hillside and it's lumber. She tried not to think about it.

Kokushibo and his little training sessions with her, What a monster he was. What reason did he have to do this all with her? With someone he already admitted was the best he had ever fought in centuries, You'd think she'd not need to partake.

He liked torturing her, That's what [F/N] came to. Some sadistic joy inside his dead little heart liked to watch her bleed, To bruise and blister. Always lingering around to watch her, Almost going over to get a better look.

[F/N] scoffed under her breath. He had even tried to gift her that hairpin, The one she still wore in her hair at this very moment, All to get her to stay compliant.

How could she? When every time they'd pass in the halls he'd keep his eyes on her, Expecting her to be what he thought she should. Keep her locked up here- All while beating her down daily.

There was no reason to it!

The warm air felt nice on her skin, Eyes almost drifting away into another dream. Akaza himself had long done so, His eyes closed and his breath steady.

[F/N]'s eyes widened.

A sudden hitch in her breath came, A neuron connecting within her brain.

Oh, That was the reason.

It was because he had no idea how else he could spend time with her.

[ask-modern-patrochilles]

wanna tell us more about what happend with your ex-husband? if you want to...im sorry if the question is too personal

Achilles: It’s alright, I’m much better at talking about the whole thing now but it’s kind of a long story…

Achilles: Our relationship became very strained after we got married, he was so controlling and we were constantly arguing with each other over everything. He cheated on me a lot during that time, but he would always say something like, ‘Well, it’s your fault, you’re always busy with your band what am I supposed to do?’. Now I see how fucked up it was but at the time, I still loved him and I always made excuses for him. When I was 19, I found out that I was pregnant and it made everything so much more complicated but I was happy— he was happy, until the miscarriage. The whole experience was… traumatic, and he made me feel even worse for it, blaming me for what happened and for a long time I believed him.

Achilles: The last straw came about a year later, he brought up the miscarriage as a jab at me while we were bickering and that turned into a huge argument. I couldn’t take it anymore so I packed a bag and left. Our divorce went through a few months later, and even though it was difficult for me, I’m glad it ended because otherwise I wouldn’t have gotten a chance to experience a genuine relationship like the one I have with Patroclus.

[hyacinthusmemorial]

is it only me, who goes like "Apollo must have flashback to hyacinth dying , when he saw Achilles and dead Patroclus,

Am I the only one who thinks of this? Okay

If that’s your personal head canon, go right ahead. Believe what you want to, nobody will stop you. 👍😉 I think its definitely a sweet sentiment, and a fun little brain worm.

But, I don’t think Apollo would react that way for for quite a few reasons. The first is mythology and the second is psychology and the third is genre.

The mythological reason is that Apollo is directly and purposefully responsible for Patroclus’s death, and he definitely hates Achilles. Like actually. The List of Top Ten People Apollo hates has Achilles twice on it. If he was in a room with Hitler, Stalin, and Achilles, and he had a gun with two bullets in it, he would shoot Achilles twice. He wants Achilles to suffer, and when Patroclus dies he tells Hector that he’s the third guy to kill him, but Apollo was the first to kill him. Because I think everyone in the Trojan war knows Apollo and Achilles hate each other. Apollo because Achilles murdered his sons (plural) and Achilles because he knows Apollo’s going to kill him. Reasons for their bitter rivalry can be found in this post here. There are more probably too.

As far as the psychological aspect, let’s assume Apollo’s psyche is like a human’s (which I do not think it totally is, but that’s another post). Trauma and Grief are two completely separate experiences. Grief is a normal human thing which we are given excellent coping skills to overcome by nature. People die. It’s a fact of life. But, HOW people die can be traumatic. For example, if your in a war and you watch your buddy die from a mine exploding and he doesn’t die right away, that’s traumatic. The grief is still separate from the trauma. Its closely aligned, but its separate. Trauma on the other hand is a situation that humans are not equipped to handle—its a situation outside the psychological norm. So our brain adapts normally to an abnormal situation.

I think the only true similarity between Patrochilles/Hyapollo deaths is that they were gay and one of them died before the other. If anything, Apollo was feeling a little vindictive when Patroclus died. He was the arm of fate that killed Patroclus, and Achilles absolutely deserved the death and destruction of everything he held dear in my POV. He was a serial assaulter and a war criminal.

Another reason why flashbacks just don’t work is because flashbacks are a trauma response. I think there’s a separate issue where one might live in the memories of a loved one’s passing, but that’s separate from a flashbacks. Flashbacks from PTSD are when the subconscious fear overwhelms the conscious. It requires a trigger, which can be anything and sinister—subtle and terrible. We know from the ancient authors that one of Apollo’s trigger is a westerly wind. @gingermintpepper had an excellent post providing several sources about Apollo’s approach to Hyacinthus and Asclepius’s deaths.

A flashback is a fear response in a situation that does not require this response based off of a trigger that puts the sub-conscious into a flight/fight mode and makes someone relive a previous traumatic experience. So for example Apollo might feel a western wind and relive Hyacinthus’s death or fear that Zephyrus is about to hurt him or the person he is with. This also depends on coping skills, and whether the person has developed grounding skills to put them back in the present.

I don’t believe that the situation with Patroclus/Achilles is triggering in the right way to elicit a flashback in Apollo. Patroclus and Achilles deaths are pretty different from Hyacinthus’s. So even if he had a grief response it would be minimal. At least from my perspective, one of my parents died when I was a child, and I had to take care of them while they were sick. I take care of a lot of sick people in my day to day, and I will say I rarely ever experience something that puts me back into the mode I was in when my parent died. I walk past the room my parent died in sometimes, cause I work in the hospital that they died in, and I am alright because I recognize the situation and I’m able to accept they died there. Alternatively, what does illicit a response in me is a certain smell my parent had when they were dying. I recognize it in patients sometimes, and I can have a visceral response to that, but again, I have learned how to appropriately deal with these sorts of things because “improve, adapt, overcome.”

Trauma is absolutely just a part of living in the world. Everyone has their own life story and troubles and triggers and struggles. But I don’t think Apollo/Hyacinthus connects to Patroclus/Achilles in any intense way.

Alternatively, I think perhaps something Apollo might have a more visceral response to is Hermes and Crocus, who are quite nearly the same dang story. That’s Apollo’s brother, and he loses someone the same way Apollo lost someone. That would open up gateways of intense suffering.

As far as genre goes, Apollo and Hyacinthus have a horror story parading as a romance story. Zephyrus is a sinister, invisible monster—he causes violence in a place where violence does not belong. On the other hand, Patroclus/Achilles is a war story—violence is expected. They both absolutely knew they were going to fie in that war, so their agony is expected from the beginning. Hyacinthus’s loss is unexpected and therefore, grievous. Not that losing your lover/cousin in a war is less horrific—it’s just prepared for, while losing your lover in a meadow while playing discus is…not.

I don’t mean that your personal view is wrong in anyway. Apollo is a divine character and anybody can have any view of him they would like. A lot of people view him as the antagonist of the Iliad and Achilles’ story, which to me, he just isn’t. I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again: I love perspectives and opinions. I like sharing mine, so I love it when people share theirs.

[swiftfootedachilles]

hiiii achilles!!!!!!! how are you today? i miss your gallavich hot takes so do you have something in mind? have a good day 🌷

well apparently my big gallavich hot take is them having a jewish wedding 😭

okay. hmmm, actual unpopular hot takes? i gotchu

i want more intersex headcanons (that are well-researched and not fetishizing intersex people!). i want more t4t mlm gallavich. and i DEFINITELY want more t4t trans!mickey nonbinary!ian gallavich. because amab people are just as transgender as anyone else even if they dont take hormones or drastically change their appearance or change their name. nonbinary people arent women lite and men lite, theyre nonbinary. and i think nonbinary!ian is so slay

ian does not enjoy bottoming. even when he consented to doing it with trevor, he didnt actually like it. he simply tolerated it

when staying with the gallaghers, ian and mickey are very brazen about their sex life and dont try to stay quiet or even close their door sometimes, BUT they wont fuck in common areas like the kitchen and living room unless it was on the couch and they were 1000% sure there was NO chance of any of the kids walking in on them. they wouldnt traumatize liam or franny like that (stfu s5 doesnt count bc they knew liam was too young to have memories yet 😭 (speaking of, why does nobody ever talk about the fact that liam was 2 years old for like 3 whole years 😭😭))

their "security" business as it is in the finale isnt very sustainable. it literally started as money laundering, and ian didnt know. i think he eventually finds out by accident thru kev or vee what mickeys original "security business" plan was, and he gets super pissed. but i think they could very easily turn it into a legal business. we see them starting to do that, by working with real dispensaries instead of the shady illegal one kev and vee have in the bar. nevertheless, id like to read more future fics where they grow or adapt the business, and even move on to a new business altogether! theyre not exactly the career-having type. i think change over time actually helps stabilize them

THEY NEED TO PAINT THAT FUCKING AMBULANCE. ITS STOLEN. WHY DONT THEY EVER PAINT IT ALL BLACK OR SOMETHING?? WHERE DID THEY GET THE NEW PLATES. DID THEY EVEN CHANGE THE PLATES?? the s4 writers would never let a scam have so many plot holes 😔 they wouldve SHOWED us mickey and his brothers getting new plates for the truck

ian gets a tattoo for mickey. youre telling me that after the surprise anniversary party, you think ian WOULDNT get mickey somehow immortalized on his body? WRONG. he definitely does. i dont think its his name over his heart. maybe something small on his wrist? or M on his ring finger💜 thats a fav headcanon of mine

they dont start a family until close to 40. the longer theyre married, the more they realize they have to catch up on. learning to live together long-term, paying off debts and bills, moving, vacations, reconnecting with old friends and family, being there for liam where theu couldnt for their other siblings when they were liam's age, watching their nieces and nephews often to gain more caretaking and parenting skills, medical issues, family emergencies. theres just a lot that takes up their time, and they become very comfortable being two before they ever try to become three

they nonseriously say shit like "i want a divorce" but they NEVER mean it. even when one says it as a joke or like in s11e3, the other will ask "did you really mean that? do you really want a divorce? do you think we'll ever get one?" and they end up having a rare super serious heart-to-heart about it. about what they think the future might hold - or at least, what they want it to hold. the longer they are with each other the more stable their relationship becomes. bickering is less common, big fights are less explosive and violent, and they learn to become comfortable with silence

[teecupangel]

Is it just me or would the Shay situation end very differently if it happened under a mentor that wasn't, well... Achilles? How do you think other leaders of the Brotherhood/Hidden Ones would have handled him? (Also: what would the Templars do because I can't see Shay getting flipped by, say, Garnier)

Don’t worry, it’s not just you. The very premise of Shay’s defection hinged on one important thing: miscommunication.

They handled this by making:

Shay be so traumatized by what happened in Lisbon that he had mistakenly concluded that the Brotherhood (Achilles) knew what the POE could do

Achilles being too indignant by all of Shay’s accusations that he didn’t bother to try and hear Shay out

Everyone (especially Liam who is meant to be Shay’s best friend and Hope who is meant to be close to him) sided with Achilles with unflinching loyalty instead of trying to get Shay’s side of the story

Perhaps it was meant to show how far the Brotherhood had fallen, that they had grown arrogant, but there is also the fact that, one of the voice lines when Shay is in the Morrigan with Liam, Shay and Liam talk about how Achilles had not been the same since the death of his wife and son. That was meant to hint that Achilles was not in the proper headspace to continue being their mentor. This does not excuse Achilles’ actions but it is an indication that the other Assassins (who are all meant to be observant) should have been more cautious of his orders.

Anyway, Imma end that rant there and focus on your question concerning how the other known mentors would have done in Achilles’ position.

Honestly? Any other mentor would have done better in Achilles’ place.

Altaïr is, well, Altaïr. He’s well-versed in the Apple so, if he didn’t have any idea of what the POE in Lisbon (and Haiti) could do, he would have believed Shay if he told him how the POE caused Lisbon’s earthquake. Not to mention, by the time he was the mentor, he would be thick-skinned enough that he wouldn’t be provoked by Shay’s shouting.

Ezio would know the danger of the POEs and would actually try to calm Shay down first. He wouldn’t have dismissed his claims and Ezio would have been observing all his ‘students’ enough that he knew something was wrong with Shay first and focus on calming him down first (sidebar: Ezio would definitely not have made Gaultier an Assassin as he would have seen how dangerously arrogant he is, his connections to the French be damn)

Ratonhnhaké:ton (technically he would have taken the mentor title the day Achilles died) would have not lost his cool with all of Shay’s accusations. He’d let Shay say his piece then order him to sit down and get Hope and Liam to calm him down, believing that Shay would have a hard time calming down if he was the one to do it since Shay believed that he knew what the POE could do and blame him for the earthquake. Once Shay is calmer, he would talk to him once more.

We have no confirmation that Arno, Evie and Jacob ever became the mentor of their specific Brotherhoods so I’m going to skip them, especially Arno as the Parisian Brotherhood did have a council instead of a mentor during his time.

Bayek would have tried to understand Shay since he had seen just how frightening the POEs could be. He does have a bit of a temper on him but that was mostly contained to when he was grieving Khemu’s death. By the time he was a mentor, he had moved passed Khemu’s death so he would be more level-headed at that point.

Aya would be similar to Bayek as well. Although we do not have any actual scenes where Aya had to be the one to deal with all the Isu BS, she does respect the gods so she wouldn’t dismiss Shay’s claims that a POE caused the earthquake.

Also, you know I believed a character has fucked up so badly when I say this: William Miles would have done a better job in keeping Shay from defecting. Sure, he failed with Lucy but that’s because Lucy had little interactions with the Assassins so her emotional and mental state couldn't be observed properly. Bill would have most definitely let Liam and Hope take care of Shay while he’s in that state, either because he knew he wouldn’t get anywhere if he was the one to talk to Shay or because he can’t be bothered to deal with Shay’s ‘tantrums’. Bill is cold and distant, making it easy for him to be logical. The only actual time he loses his cool is when Desmond calls him the same as a Templar but that has like... 25 years of unresolved familial issues and discontent all rolled up into one short fused bomb so yeah, Bill would have done a better job than Achilles because he’s a cold bastard.

Now, for the Templar side: let’s be clear, Shay wasn’t flipped by Haytham Kenway, he was flipped by George Monro. Haytham just finished the job when Monro died. Whether Monro’s kindness was an act to get Shay to the Templar’s side or not is irrelevant in this situation, what mattered was Monro’s actions towards Shay is the reason why it was ‘easy’ for Shay to change side. (Of course, being hunted down by people he trusted and the trauma of Lisbon definitely helped Monroe’s case)

So, if any Templar was to try and flip Shay, the one with the highest possibility of making him flip would actually be someone who has shown kindness, which is kinda hard to find since a lot of the Templars we’ve seen had been, well… aggressive douchebags. Someone like Monsieur de la Serre who has been characterized as both kind and more on the side of ‘we can find peace with the Assassins’ would work. If you want Shay to flip to the Templar side, you need someone kind or someone who would make Shay feel like he hasn’t done anything wrong, that the Templars just want to help.

In other words, either go for the kindness route like Monro or go for the ‘Project Siren’ route with someone like Lucy.

[littlesparklight]

Why do Patrochilles fans always seem to forget about the Trojan women and children do they not matter?

To be fair, there are probably several reasons, and, I'd guess, no matter which other reasons there might be, being uncomfortable with the violence and the cruelty is probably a big reason.

Which is neither strange nor wrong!

But - well. This is about war. War in a society where slavery is a thing and where, specifically, the captives taken are enslaved. If (general) you like an Achaean character in the Trojan war narrative, then your blorbo absolutely has traumatized an unknown number of women personally by killing members of their natal and/or potentially marital family, long before Troy falls. And are, at the very least, using them as slave labour.

And a smaller number of said captive women are serving as personal status objects, including serving in their captor's beds. (And, you clearly don't need to be one of these ~special~ slaves for this to happen either, if circumstances change, as Diomede (the woman Achilles sleeps with/next to the night of the embassy) shows.)

(The discomfort is, presumably, also part of why some people are working overtime in trying to soften and cutiefy the Odysseus-Astyanax situation with ~he saves him~ AUs or just general angst and regret in the moment and milking it afterwards. I had to see "father son duo" in connection with fucking Odysseus and Astyanax a couple days ago, and, ugh. Like, sorry, but even when Odysseus isn't the killer he seems to always come up with/champion the idea! Make your peace with it instead of having Odysseus cry as if he fucking CARES about this one child that he's advocating for murdering. (I would not really think it odd if Odysseus potentially has PTSD from this, but man, the way I've seen it used just makes me pissed off, sorry not sorry. Astyanax is basically just a prop.)

Anyway, ok.

I have no idea if TSoA is actually the most usual way for shippers to get into Patrochilles any more, but it still seems like that? And TSoA works very, very hard to soften and smooth out all and any uncomfortable bits. The Troilus incident doesn't exist, and the Achilles and Patroklos are basically running a ~women's shelter~ and not doing anything questionable with the women with their power or whatever.

If this is where you come into Patrochilles specifically and the Trojan war in general, no wonder you'd like to keep ignoring all the unpleasant bits. Which like. Fine. If they would keep to TSoA, but usually they don't.

The Hades game, too, did its work of presenting a more palatable Achilles. It is post-war, so basically nothing comes up, and the Achilles we get is unexplainedly regret- and shameful over his earlier behaviour and actions. I say unexplainedly not because I couldn't necessarily see this change, but it's not actually shown to us. We're just shown a personality that isn't actually very/at all connected to what those of us who knows the Iliad and the Odyssey have seen.

Even the Odyssey doesn't show us an Achilles who regrets anything of what he did (and he's proud of his son's achievements, even if Odysseus doesn't enumerate them in detail). What Achilles in the Odyssey regrets is being dead, specifically, and he seems rather depressed over being so.

So, again, if you come in to Patrochilles and the Hades game, it's once again easy to just... ignore stuff you don't want to touch on (even more so, since it's (long) post-war, which is undoubtedly a plus, genuinely).

The thing is, though - when you start dipping into the actual Trojan war, even just by reading, say, Achilles' wiki page, especially Troilus is right there. And making jokes (I have seen several) about "what would Achilles need Lesbian women for, Agamemnon, you idiot!!", is just... unpleasant. What are enslaved women used for, huh? Sexuality jokes have no place in this instance, just because someone might be uncomfortable and/or clinging to "Achilles is totally and only gay and doesn't fuck women".

But, tl; dr; no I don't think that, in general, most Patrochilles shippers think the Trojan (and every other woman who was enslaved during these ten years) women and the children matter. They're here for the ship.

And there is not really anything wrong with that, but the way the war (and the women, children etc) are usually dealt with (or not) in the course of that is extremely lacking because it's basically all whitewashed. (And Hektor gets used as some sort of handy ship-obstacle in any way they like to. Leave Hektor alone, damn it.)

[tiddiesoutwhenthetisout]

i read a fic once about achilles being the early-riser in the relationship.

idk about you but i think not lmao. i mean, i see the vision. it's cute, but my brain insists he sleeps 16 hours a day plus 3 naps (yes, like a cat, yes) and then gets zoomies at 2am (moreso in modern maybe bc it can be hard to fuck up your sleep schedule in ancient times)

since i can't resist yapping, here's some

sleep headcanons!

sleep is a really important thing to me obviously.

patroclus: sleeps last but wakes up first. light sleeper because he grew up hypervigilant when referencing tsoa specifically. otherwise, i think he's sort of a heavy sleeper (bc tired) who would wake up when roused by achilles in the middle of the night, would give brief gestures like chuckle or pat his head before going back to sleep but he doesn't remember any of it in the morning.

has a harder time going back to sleep, but he's normal about it. just gets up and does something. can get grumpy at unwanted interruptions but only when he's absolutely sick and tired of being alive (modern hc: a doctor or something so since sleep is hard to come by, he has rough days). sleeps mostly on his back, may start snoring so achilles has to slap him (gently) awake.

when entirely modern, i think he adhered to a routine when he lived with menoetius. so he's kinda used to that too, waking up before the sun is completely up. don't know what to give him as a traumatic experience (like pushing a boy to his death) since obv we can't have that here and i'm kinda bad at hcs, so... let's just say he used to have nightmares about it when he was younger, but not anymore.

big spoon status wearer

achilles: sleeps first, wakes up last. isn't really sleeping deeply sometimes, he just has his eyes closed and his surroundings blurring in and out through sense of hearing. sometimes he also stays in bed in the morning because he knows patroclus likes to stare at him like that, and he enjoys that 100% focused attention before the other decides it's time to do some work. light sleeper, though. glowing green eyes shooting open in the middle of the night and when patroclus is still awake he sometimes gets a scare.

sometimes the greeks would hear shuffling outside their tents and it's just achilles scrabbling around instead of sleeping. sometimes humming. has definitely given one or a few soldiers a heart attack at some point. happened more often when he stopped fighting bc he had all the day to sleep.

can get really irritable when he's sleepy. can also get really irritable when a person he fucking hates (aggy?) yells or makes any noise and he wakes up with a start. ("who the fuck was dropping spears at dawn?!" "agamemnon" "oh if it wasn't him i would have been fine") day ruined, patroclus has to calm him down because his soldiers are quaking in their sandals.

modern: will sleep with a plushie or not at all. anything to hug. patroclus or something.

i intended to end this here but now i have to ramble so read on if you're interested 👍 will have less lighthearted topics.

still modern, sometimes he wakes up because he doesn't want to be on his own defenseless and vulnerable (applies to tsoa because of how he had pyrrhus with deidameia. basically grape. he also said it was dark, so it's not too far off the mark when i assume she went into his room at night and suddenly went at it. his attitude when asked was also giving dissociation, especially after i read this fic on Ao3, bless the author wherever they may be now, that his stay in skyros really impacted him a lot).

or because suddenly the other side of the bed feels cold. he turns around to grasp at his lover's clothes or skin depending on whether or not he slept shirtless, and his hands snatch air. he's expressed his mini heart attacks when this happens, which patroclus acknowledges, but achilles knows he has things to do.

so one day on a particularly rough patch for achilles, he wakes up, finds patroclus gone, and starts to cry until the latter hears this and drops what he's doing in a panic to come see what's wrong.

achilles doesn't speak at first. just clings on to patroclus like he's scared of losing him. and he admits that later on when he's calm enough. that sometimes it just really scares him patroclus has been taken away from him. he doesn't want to say "dead", but it's stuck at the back of his throat and he swallows it down. he does not know where this comes from, but there is a hollow ache in his chest whenever it comes to haunt him.

or, achilles says, is scared of the illogical prospect that he himself has been taken away by god-knows-who or what. scared of waking up among strangers who do not have the best of intentions (again i believe it to have something to do with smth like deidameia incident-- thetis has either a role or is not involved but she has passing remarks that made achilles too shameful to say anything to anyone until patroclus).

but the constant is patroclus being gone.

and patroclus just doesn't know what to say, because he wakes up in the middle of the night sometimes from weird feelings of deep-seated fear, checking with every single one of his senses if achilles is still beside him. he can only calm down when he has checked once, twice, thrice. and he moves to hug him as if it isn't an option to not do so. he is careful not to hug him too tight, as he has done that at one point and it was not a nice awakening for achilles. but he just wants to hold on to him as tight as possible so he does not suddenly vanish.

i guess you could say it is in patroclus' favor that he sleeps last (to see if achilles is still there), and wakes up first (to see, also, if achilles is still there).

but he doesn't say this. instead hugs achilles tighter now for he is awake, and they decide to take that morning very, very slowly.

brainrot so bad it probably wasn't a very pretty read (vocab bad, arrangement bad-) but i had to finish it 😫

[babyrdie]

What is your opinion about Achilles' possible "lovers"?

Warning: ahead you'll find an indescribable quantity of HEADCANONS!!! For god's sake, these are HEADCANONS!

Medea…man, Medea and Achilles would be the most terrifying couple ever. They would probably each sleep with a knife under their pillow and opening their eyes at every slightest movement. Achilles would make a habit of checking to see if the food his loving wife prepared wasn't poisoned. I really can't say who would traumatize or kill the other first. If there were a repeat of Jason's story, Medea wouldn't be able to save herself easily because Achilles is divinely privileged like her. Then she would take Helios' chariot and go to the infinite beyond only for shortly after Achilles to arrive there because some god guided him there. It would be an eternal fight, honestly. They are usually together in the afterlife, which I like to think is because it prevents them from killing each other since they're already dead.

Well, there's Helen. Honestly, I don't think this couple is bad. I just don't think anything of them. I mean, they're definitely the hottest Achaean couple since she's the most beautiful of them all and Achilles is the most handsome of the Achaean men, and there's the whole status thing going on with lineage and royalty, but that's it. I can't see their personalities making this a cool romantic dynamic. I can even see an interesting sexual dynamic happening, but romantic? And in an AU, I can see a friendship happening…but again, romantic? They seem like that too perfect couple (beautiful, rich, of divine origin, famous, etc etc), it's disconcerting. They're the type of people who, in a modern AU, would probably fake date in their teens just to please expectations and that's it. I've seen the opinion that Helen probably wouldn't like Achilles (not romantically, but in a general sense), which I think is kind of nonsense. I think as acquaintances or friends they're ok. If I'm forced to consider them in a modern world as a serious couple, let me say that they would definitely have an open relationship.

There is Iphigenia, which only really happens in one source and in the others there is only the false marriage. I don't think that's bad, honestly. In Euripides' play, the two seemed to admire and respect each other. They're also probably close in age and are both heroic characters. Iphigenia's strength is also more in the mind, which I think makes her an okay match for Achilles. It's not a shipp that I actually shipp, but it's not bad. It's also funny to imagine Achilles and Agamemnon being family lol even more so with the way Iphigenia is Agamemnon's favorite daughter looooooool and Iphigenia also really likes Agamemnon so AGAIN! And then I would have to add the fact that Clytemnestra likes Achilles. Really fun family!

There was the possibility of Achilles being Agamemnon's son-in-law through Iphianassa, Chrysothemis or Laodice…if this Chrysothemis is the same one from Sophocles' play, it wouldn't work because I don't think Achilles would be interested in her although perhaps she could be interested in him. I don't know what the personalities of Laodice and Iphianassa are (Iphianassa isn't always considered Iphigenia).

Briseis and Diomede are both situations I don’t like. There's the whole argument about how nuanced the relationship with Briseis is and I agree, because that's how it was at the time, but it's still terrifying and gross. So yeah, it's not for me. I can accept it in a modern AU because I understand that you can't apply the same cultural concept in a modern scenario, but it's like I said…it's just accepting. It's not liking it. I think there are other female interests of Achilles to fill that role if you want to set him up with a girlfriend or an ex or something. If it's for narrative purposes (Agamemnon x Achilles), then there really isn't much to do about Briseis.

Hemithea is out of the question, for heaven's sake. She was lucky that her brother protected her and she was unlucky that Achilles was stronger than him. I honestly prefer the version in which the gods make her be swallowed by the earth (like they did with Laodice), because at least there is no chance of anything happening.

Troilus I don't really like the version where there is sexual interest (I wouldn't call it romantic interest, at least. But I don't know, maybe it was). I don't know, the narrative where the focus is more on crime is more interesting to me. So most of the time I don't even remember it, I only really consider it when I need to mention mythological versions.

Penthesilea is balanced I guess. They're both demigods, they're both great warriors, they both lost the most important person, they both queer. I honestly think they would understand each other, in circumstances where they weren't enemies. Achilles killed her, but that's not something that keeps me away because well…Penthesilea is an enemy warrior, things happen. She wasn't a defenseless woman, like Briseis and Diomede. I also think it's interesting how he reacts to Tercides. Saying that I shipp it's a VERY strong word, but I don't dislike it. In a modern AU, they would probably be those two people who met at the gym or a sport and occasionally make out, but it's not serious. Their dates would be cute things like BOXING TRAINING!

Polyxena and Achilles works for me more in a narrative sense than as a couple in itself. And I say this regardless of the version in which she commits suicide or is sacrificed. Even in the one where she wants to be with Achilles and commits suicide, I still think they work better as a plot device. But she had a lot of personality and was smart, so she could probably handle Achilles (considering Patroclus, it actually seemed to me that Achilles works best with someone whose strong trait is in the mind).

Deidamia looks interesting. Before you get horrified because he forced himself on her, this is a Roman version and I'm considering the Greek ones. Anyway, it's interesting. I like to think she became interested in him when she still thought he was a girl and went without sleep for days thinking "oh my god but it's a girl!!!" only for him to actually be a guy after all. It's funny to think of them like this:

But I also keep thinking that they must also have been two teenagers who thought they were very smart, sneaking around without Lycomedes knowing. And then it wasn't so funny anymore when Deidamia started getting sick lol young love. And then it became even less funny for Deidamia when Odysseus appeared. She was certainly horrified to see Odysseus AGAIN, this time to take her son instead of her husband (who died).

Patroclus last because it's the most predictable. And Patroclus is my Achilles otp, of course! It's all there: strangers to friends to best friends to lovers, childhood friends, a relationship that doesn't really fit into any label (family, friendship, sexual, romantic), family approval (Achilles' parents like Patroclus), they complement each other, there is this queerplatonic vibe. I'm not going to go into detail about them because there's a lot, but it's my beloved shipp!

In short:

Patroclus - He is the love of my life and is the love of Achilles' life too. These bitches are aromantic bisexuals, good for them, good for them!! Oh, the doomed love!

Deidamia - Rights for girls who like crossdressing guys!! Young and inconsequential love!! And the parallels between Achilles and Neoptolemus must have been quite a thing for her…

Iphigenia - It's nice. It would be a heroic couple with mutual respect and admiration. Clytemnestra clearly likes Achilles, so she wouldn't be a problem, but I find the idea of ​​Agamemnon and Achilles able to argue at various family events funny.

Penthesilea - A balanced couple but they work better in a casual relationship and maybe they'd see each other at the pride parades. I honestly can't see Penthesilea married.

Helen - It's an okay friendship and at most they have a cool dynamic as fuck buddies. Honestly, it's a most interesting couple in a modern au than in bronze age...

Medea - They would compete over who traumatized or killed the other first. They would also likely compete to see who could get away with divine help the most. The sex would probably be good, though…kind of dangerous for both sides, but nice.

Polyxena - A good plot device. The end.

Laodice and Iphianassa - I don't know

Chrysothemis - simply no

Briseis, Diomede, Hemithea, Troilus - very much no

[rosquinn]

Hi Roski! I have a question, would you mind to help, please?

Okay, so the other when I was wandering through the shelves of my local library I found our that they have a copy of Madeline's Miller Circe... And I was thinking that maybe I should give it a try? 😅

I know that it's not mythology accurate but as long as the plotline is well-written... Idk maybe I will enjoy in spite of it 🤷🏻‍♀️ Do you is it a good idea?

I just wanted to know if you believe is worth the time or nor

Also, same goes for Achilles's song. They don't have it at the library, but I thought that if I enjoyed Circe I should try it to? 🤔

i used to be a huge madelline miller fan *vaguely gestures at her short story about galatea i still have in my bookshelf for some reason* but i realized she, well, uh, sucks

it's not about her writing, (it's excessively "poetic" and decorated in my opinion but that's subjective) it's that her interpretations are kind of. bad?

i'm gonna elaborate under the cut about why i don't like her (long rant and tw for *mentions of s/a*)

-she victimizes her female main character and makes her go through traumatic experiences to erase and excuse all the bad stuff she's done... "circe turned odysseus' men into pigs bc they tried to assault her" yeah. no. she forced odysseus to sleep with her and turned his men into pigs because she felt like it. i understand you want a feminist badass witch but just. no. she isn't a cute uwu unfairly exiled goddess. what she did to odysseus is sexual abuse.

-she apparently hates women that aren't circe. made thetis, i repeat, our thetis, MOTHER thetis, a homophobic and overprotective mom who wants to kill patroclus in SOA for some reason (wasn't she literally the one who sent patroclus to the war with achilles..... miller..aren't you a classics major..). she did to her what other adaptations do to demeter, basically. and for no reason at all. but i guess her cute baby achilles who is doomed by the narrative can't have a nice mom who let him do whatever he wanted to because that would make him RUDE and EVIL and her character(s) can't have bad qualities. she also made achilles's wife, deidameia, who in some versions is raped by him, a “slut that gets in the way of your gay ship” archetype. she also made her rape achilles for some reason??? and that is fucking horrible

-baby-fied patroclus. he speaks like a stupid teenager girl stereotype in soa and is pretty much a useless human being whose entire personality is simping for achilles. that is not him. he DID fight in the trojan war, he was a SKILLED fighter, not a useless twig, he is described as tall and handsome, he healed some warriors, he is SAVAGE, bro literally broke kebriones's head with a rock in front of his brother and made fun of it??? he tried to climb the walls of troy and conquer it by himself??? he told achilles to stop being a bitch and move his ass??? and then in soa he's a useless piece of shit who DIDN'T EVEN FIGHT IN THE WAR, thinks of himself as weak and was thinking about achilles until the moment he died. sorry to break it to you but his last words in the iliad weren't "omg achilles no😥😥". he threw a whole essay at hector about how he didn't kill shit, it was apollo who beat him and hector's about to get dragged. and when his ghost came back to talk to achilles, it was to tell him to STOP CRYING and KILLING PEOPLE and BURN HIS BODY ALREADY. she completely erased his character. sorry.

-glorified achilles wayyy too much. one thing that i hate about her is how she can't let anyone make mistakes. achilles isn't “noble and doomed by the narrative”. he knew pretty well where he was stepping in and didn't give two shits. he literally says in Iliad book 1 he's there for the mass murder, glory and nothing more. “why would i kill hector what has hector ever done to me” MY ASS. he also was kind of an insufferable bitch in the iliad. i'm tired of people making his decision of stop fighting look “heroic/noble/tragic/etc bc agamemnon is evil” because it was not. he stopped fighting for selfish reasons, treated everyone really bad and let his friends die. also, agamemnon isn't “evil” and achilles isn't “good”. they're both war criminals who act like 8 year olds and kidnap women. every achaean character is a bitch, has killed at least 6 people and enjoyed it. yes. even babyboy patroclus (book 16)

-i'm not even saying this as a person with greek ancestry or a pagan, because i am neither, but her depiction of the gods is TERRIBLE. just what is that whole thing of "gods want mortals to fear them so they worship them"??? that's not even how religion works??? gods can be and in fact are very nice to their worshippers?? why would you villainize cultural figures like that?? and why tf it always gotta be a EVIL FEMALE GODDESS trying to fuck up her main character's life for some reason?? athena wants to kill circe's son in circe and i'm pretty sure they don't even interact in the odyssey?? (maybe they did, i don't remember, but if it happened it was definitely NOT because of that) and why is hermes a manipulator?? and why is ODYSSEUS a manipulator??? you literally sexually assaulted him??? HELLO????

idk, it just feels like mc victimization and random female character villainization (she also put the whole blame of the trojan war on helen because she was “vain” and “selfish”??? didn't she spend the whole iliad blaming herself for the war and wishing to die??)

i don't really like it. it's not a good adaptation

also i'm not the best person to expand on this topic because i am not a gay man/mlm/nblm but some people on tumblr have explained why tsoa is basically mlm fetish and wattpad fujoshi looking crap and they do have a point (the relationship is so stereotyped tbh) so i encourage you to read their posts. i don't have them rn but i can dm them to you later if you want

AND finally, most people in her fanbase can't separate a wattpad fanfic (because that's what tsoa is) from the original text and think tsoa and circe are just like what homer wrote. “hector didn't know it was patroclus” HE FUCKING DID PATROCLUS KILLED 20 PEOPLE IN FRONT OF HIM IT'S UNDERSTANDABLE “patroclus died bc he wasn't a skilled warrior” HE HAS THE SECOND HIGHEST KILL COUNT IN THE WHOLE ILIAD AND WAS FULL OF HUBRIS. HE DIED BECAUSE HE TRIED TO FISTFIGHT A GOD “deidameia raped achilles” “thetis is homophobic” “odysseus is evil” “it was all helen's fault” “circe did nothing wrong” “athena is bad” no (and they act like not shipping patrochilles makes you homophobic which is. cmon. i personally think they def had something going on but it's never explicitly stated and you can't act like it is)

ik i got too aggressive but it's just bad imo, if you want to enjoy a good iliad/odyssey adaptation go play hades or listen to epic the musical or even play limbus company because i swear lc's odysseus, a literal old woman who committed identity fraud, is at least 80 times more in character than miller's babyboys

ADDITION: no i'm not going to dismember you for liking tsoa or circe. this is just a personal opinion. enjoy whatever you want i'm just a little guy and i can't stop you. have fun!

[jammatown919]

The Difference Between Penny and Pyrrha

So I got into an argument recently in which someone compared the deaths of Penny and Pyrrha in a claim that the revival theories were stupid, so here’s an overview of why I think comparing Penny and Pyrrha’s deaths actually highlights why Penny’s story should not end the same way as Pyrrha’s. 

Also, if you’re thinking of responding with anything that boils down to “I personally don’t like the outcome you’re suggesting therefore you’re delusional but no I will not counter your actual argument”, kindly don’t! I find those arguments tiresome and pointless and will not be responding to them. 

First up is their respective fairy tale allusions. Pyrrha’s allusion is Achilles. She is the literal representation of a tragic hero who is doomed to die. That is, ultimately, her purpose in the story. Pyrrha existed to be a heroic sacrifice. Penny’s fairy tale allusion, however, is Pinnochio, who gets brought back to life more than once. In the original story, Pinnochio is killed by hanging. Penny is killed by the strings of her weapon. Both are later revived. In the popularized Disney version of the story, Pinnochio is killed after an encounter with Monstro after rescuing his father. In V8, while Penny never directly encounters Monstra, Monstra is part of the catalyst of V8′s events, and Penny is killed an attempt to save others by getting the powers away from Cinder. Thing is, Pinnochio is brought back to life as a reward for his heroism. Specifically, he is brought back to life by the Blue Fairy, who Winter seems to allude to at this point in the story. Winter is central to a large portion of the theories involving Penny’s return due to on-screen clues. 

Essentially, Pyrrha was doomed to die by the nature of her allusion. Penny’s points to revival. 

Second, the fact that one character actually got some kind of pay off to the buildup of her relationships and one did not. Pyrrha’s most central relationship throughout the volumes she was alive is with Jaune. She actually gets a moment with this special, important person in her life before she dies. Penny, on the other hand, dies in the arms of someone who is arguably the least close to her out of the entire group (other than like, Ren, who never talks to her if memory serves), separated from her father and believing her best friend is already dead. And yes, Penny does get a moment with Winter, but as has been pointed out by other users, the relationship between those two so far has been more about Winter’s development than Penny’s. It feels less like a satisfying pay off to one of Penny’s relationships and more like Penny is being treated as a stepping-stone in the journey of a character who has been less central to the plot than her up until that point (not to say that Winter isn’t an important character, but Penny was far more set up to be a big deal). Unless of course both journeys are intended to continue, intertwined with one another. 

Third, why would they have Jaune go through another arc of being traumatized about not being able to save someone unless he was going to be instrumental in the furthering of this unfinished plot thread? Jaune has already gone through having to come to terms with not being able to save someone and moving on from that and saving others wherever he can. Redoing this arc just repeats what we’ve already seen from him. Even if he moves past it by saving someone else, we’ve already seen that from him after saving Weiss and it adds nothing new to his character. However, I could absolutely see them doing this with Jaune specifically if Penny’s method of survival relied on him being there and her having access to his Semblance, and if he was going to be instrumental in saving a person who he thought he had already failed to save. 

Fourth, Pyrrha’s story serves to highlight that heroic sacrifices of one’s life are BAD. Pyrrha accomplishes nothing but her own death. She doesn’t save Beacon. She doesn’t stop Cinder. She doesn’t protect anyone. Her death is a giant flag waving in the air saying, “DO NOT DO THIS”. Why would they then turn around and frame a heroic sacrifice as a good thing? Unless they were going to have it become a situation in which the person doing the sacrificing can actually be around to learn her lesson that throwing her away her life is never a good option. 

[likeafairytale]

"I'll wait for you. I always wait for you." - Nathaniel to Achilles

❛Well, maybe you shouldn't...❜

❛What?..❜

Achilles said nothing more. The words were stuck inside his throat. This was probably the more difficult thing he ever had to do, but he knew, deep down, he had no other choice. The demigod saw the puzzled look on Nathaniel's face, as if he did not understand his words. Maybe he truly did not, or maybe he was playing dumb. In any case, Achilles knew he had to explain, but it was so hard...

He couldn't look at the siren in the eyes, so he looked around, trying to find something to focus his attention on. All he found was his scalpel laying on the table, and he was wondering if that will be the weapon with which Anastasia will kill him in a few hours. 'ah, dying by your own instrument! That's quite poetic.' he thought, and a sad smile took place on his face. He wondered what Anastasia was doing. As usual, she left him the moment she felt the urge to kill him. She needed to put distance between them for a while, which he hated, he hated being far away from her, but he understood that it was the beginning of her grief process, and he needed to respect that. At least, it let a few hours for him to do what he had to do, meaning breaking up with the love of his life.

❛What do you mean 'maybe you shouldn't'?❜ Nathaniel asked, a bit on edge, probably because he was registering his boyfriend's words.

❛What I mean is...Perhaps you should live your life, instead of waiting for me. Waiting for me does not do good to you...❜

❛How could you know that?❜

The young surgeon didn't answer. He did not want to tell him that not so long ago, he had an interesting discussion with his eldest sister, and that she told him about each time she had to help Nathaniel, because he loses control once Achilles dead. He did not believe her, at first, but she allowed him to go through her memory, and he saw it by himself; the blood, the screams, the dead bodies all around. Entire villages decimated, sometimes. All of that because Achilles dies. The demigod was scared when he saw that, of course he was, but that didn't mean he loved Nathaniel less. He did some pretty horrible things out of love, too, and he couldn't blame his boyfriend for the way he was dealing with grief. All he could do is feeling guilty to be the one who start this spiral.

He did not want to tell him he met with his sister, because he thought it should be his secret, and he didn't want to start some family drama. What a fool. Maybe things would be different if they were talking things out, but Achilles was determined in his decision; the best thing to do was to set Nathaniel free from him. Maybe it was the wrong moment to do so –it definitively was the wrong moment– but he couldn't bare the idea of his boyfriend having to relive that traumatic event once more.

❛All I'm saying is that waiting for me is pointless.❜

❛It's not pointless if it's for you.❜

❛Be realistic, Nathaniel. You are missing out so much just by waiting years for me. And we don't even have the certitude that we'll see each other again!❜

❛That's not true, you said you'll always found me!❜ Now Nathaniel was getting annoyed by the conversation. After a few minutes of silence, he added: ❛Are you going to say the same to Nastya? That she shouldn't wait for you and should live her life instead?❜

❛That's not the same thing, and you know it.❜ Achilles was agitated. Things did not go as he planned in his head. ❛You know that Tya and I are destined to find each other, because she has to kill me all the time.❜

❛... Are you really breaking up with me right now?❜

❛Finally you understand.❜ That was a mean thing to say, but maybe if Nathaniel was angry at him, he won't be too hurt.

❛You're breaking up with me, and you don't even have the courage to look me in the eyes.❜

Nathaniel was right, Achilles was a coward. He did not dare looking at the siren and his hypnotic blue eyes, because he knew he'd be weak. He knew he'll tell him to forget about what he just said, that it was a mistake, and to kiss him before it's too late. But that's not how things should be. Achilles had to set Nathaniel free, he knew it. Sighing a little, the demigod finally raised his head and looked at the siren in the eyes; he had to force himself to not go kiss him so badly that the restriction physically hurt him. For the first time in a while, Achilles wanted to cry. But he knew, or at least he thought, deep down, he was doing the right thing.

❛It was fun the time it lasted, but we have to face it; this is hopeless. I'll die, over and over, and you waiting for me isn't the solution. I want you to be happy, Nathaniel, and I'm not the right person for that.❜

❛You have no right to dictate who's the right person to make me happy!❜ Nathaniel snapped, which quite surprised Achilles. The demigod looked away when he noticed tears in his lover's eyes, and he felt as if his heart was breaking. He hated himself for what he was doing, but he knew it was for the best, Ursula made it clear. ❛Two day ago you had a different speech. You told me we were made for each other, that it was writing in the stars...❜

❛Well, I was wrong.❜ This was a blow for both of them. Both of them were hurt by those words, and once again Achilles had to restrain himself to not take Nathaniel in his arms. The siren came closer to the doctor, and the latter felt his heart beating faster to the proximity. Nathaniel came closer and tried to kiss him, but Achilles stepped back, breaking both his heart and Nathaniel's ones in the process. ❛Maybe you should go...❜

He could see the hurt in the siren's face, and that hurt him, too. He wished he could take everything back, but it was too late for that. For a few minutes, Nathaniel did not move, staying so close to Achilles that he could smell his aftershave, and the demigod knew this smell will haunt him now. Nathaniel did not say anything more, even though he wanted, but he knew how stubborn Achilles was, and it is pointless to argue with him.

❛You are a selfish coward.❜ He simply said

❛I deserve it.❜ Achilles whispered. ❛I can help with the memory, though. If you let me, I ca-❜

❛No!❜ Nathaniel lashed out, making Achilles frowned. ❛You already threw out futur away, I won't let you take our past from me, you won't touch my memories of you.❜

Achilles nodded to that. They stayed silent for a while, none of them wanted to move. For a moment, they both thought it was a bad joke, or a bad dream that they will wake up soon. They will wake up and nothing would have happened. But a knock on the door –probably Nastya checking in– made them realize it was all too real. Without a word, the demigod looked at his former lover storming out of the room, leaving him alone with his heart he broke himself.

[raayllum]

Would you say Rayllum is your all time favorite ship or do you have one you like even more? Where do would Rayllum rank in your top five ships?

Oh Rayllum is my all time fave, 100%. Nobody else even comes close in terms of like 1) got me right away (even before the season came out), 2) delivered beyond my wildest dreams, and 3) just has so much of the like, personalities and themes and like, dynamic stuff that I adore and am weak for every time, and so well executed. Then there's also the way they remind me of me and my partner (the Rayla to my Callum I think) and other aspects of how the ship has been interwoven into my personal life, and just... They literally have every aspect of every other ship I've ever loved in my life, it is incredible and I could not adore them more. #1 for life

That said, overall, I'm not that ship centric? Like there's a lot of media (Trollhunters my beloved) I adore that is primarily for the story or villains or found family, which is all true of TDP as well - I love everything about it as much as I love Rayllum - but in terms of fandom engagement, I suppose?

That said here are some of my other favourite ships which definitely show off a pattern, I think, of being a lot like Rayllum as well

Kaz/Inej from Six of Crows (just a far more heavily traumatized version of Rayllum + touch aversion + sweet thematic religious undertones)

Percy/Annabeth from Percy Jackson (childhood friends turned slowburn lovers, dorky and devoted, she has major abandonment issues + he's "to save a friend you would sacrifice the world" & "as long as we're together)

Jesse and Lake from Infinity Train (is probably the most Rayllum-esque dynamic on here and all 4 seasons of Infinity Train are Amazing)

James and Sarah from Liberty's Kids (because I know who I am as a person, and probably my most 'argumentative/bickering' ship)

Other honourable mentions: Kai/Jinora from The Legend of Korra; Patroclus/Achilles and Orpheus/Eurydice from just about anything, but especially The Song of Achilles and Hadestown, respectively; Jane/Peter Pan from Peter Pan 2: Return to Neverland because I unironically think that's where my standards of love came from; Zelda/Link from The Legend of Zelda (BOTW/TOTK in particular) and Corona/Hunter from Spider Riders (2006) (yes seriously) for those sweet goddess incarnate + loyal goddess' champion type vibes.

[greenskellyblob]

9 people I’d like to know better

Tagged by; @thefloatingstone

Last song; Achilles Come Down by Gang of Youths, I’ve been listening to this song relentlessly a year ago, and it still frequently pops up when I let youtube radio do its thing. I’m not gonna complain!!! It’s still a banger! I’ve just googled it and realized it is a song in an album, and I never listened to the whole of it. Huh. I should do that sometimes.

Anyways, here’s the song:

Currently watching: Just finished Community and the last season of Black Mirror. I finally know where some memes come from now!!! I’ve been seeing Community memes around and I never knew TwT. Consider me enlightened now. I really enjoyed it, all the characters there are stupid and unhinged and taking their stupidity seriously and I loved it! V good, v nice way to spend the time.

On the other hand, this season of Black Mirror kinda dissapointed me? There was one episode I REALLY LOVED (Demon 79, the last one, hell yeah the ending!!!!! WOOO!!!!), the first one (Joan is awful) was kinda neat, Loch Henry was depressing and I laughed out loud at how one character died because it is SO STUPID, Mazey day was boring, and Beyond the Sea was the biggest bullshit I ever saw. Such a big old dump!!!!! Something Extremely Traumatic happens to one character on a very important mission, and the Earth command doesn’t even get them to talk to a therapist. Also a lot of dick measuring going on there. Also shitty ending nobody could have predicted (sarcastic). Just, ugh. Sorry about the vagueness but I don’t want to spoil people who haven’t watched it yet. But if you want to watch only one episode of season 6, make it the last one :D 10/10

Also I’ll be cheeky and say I just finished the VOD of C-Puff’s ( @thefloatingstone‘s) stream :3 Can’t wait to see more!!!! And, please, don’t apologize for lore dumps they are delightfull and I finally have a streamer I can watch and not feel like I’m missing most of the story/worldbuilding. You know what? Everyone, have a link for that too. For some reason it doesn’t let me embed it?

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EqmuA_WcAlQ

Currently reading: Nothing in particular, my brain is once again in the reading slump. I guess comics would count, actually? In that case, an absolutely amazing comic called “Tiger, Tiger” by @pepurika. It has two very gay siblings, A giant bisexual (?) himbo, an old god’s child (they are very chaotic and very, very gay from what I understand) and cool old ships. ALSO SEA SPONGES!!!! Sea sponges are very important. They literally drive the plot okay! There is ship stealing, identity theft, deals with gods, marvelous scientific discoveries and much, MUCH more, all in the name of sea sponges! The main character got hyperfixated as a child and went unhinged, and if that sounds relatable to you, you’ll enjoy her :) Also everyone there is very smart and capable and yet you have to wonder where they keep their braincells because they are all also??? Kinda dumb??? In incredibly relatable ways. Heccking 10/10 comic. I have to read it all from the beginning because I can’t wait for the last book to come out asaajudzgigui the suffering is sweet tho.

I slapp’a link your way. Go read, you’ll have a really good time (this is a threat)

https://www.tigertigercomic.com/tiger-tiger/001

[aussie-wbb]

Lauren Jackson is back.

The most decorated Australian basketballer in history, at age 42, is adding another chapter to her incomparable story, defying the odds to return to the court with the Southside Flyers in the WNBL.

In a massive boost for the sport that will reverberate all over the world, Jackson has not only recovered from the mental and physical trauma of dual-major surgeries but says she is fitter and stronger than when she returned to the international arena to help guide the Opals to a bronze medal at last year’s FIBA World Cup in Sydney.

“Yep, I’m back,” Jackson, echoing another ‘GOAT’ of the sport, Michael Jordan, told Code Sports.

“I don’t think anyone thought I would come back — but I still thought I could play again.

“The rehab went really, really well, I was back on court a couple of months ago and it just got to a point where, physically, I don’t think I’ve felt better than this, at least in the last five or six years.

“I didn’t want to be left wondering how I would feel in 10 years time if I looked back and I didn’t play this season, knowing that I was fit and able.

“I know it’s my last shot. One more year.”

Following last year’s World Cup glory, Jackson joined Southside and quietly played through the pain of a Lisfranc fracture in her left foot.

In February, she ruptured her right Achilles tendon, a minute into the Flyers’ clash with Sydney Flames in front of a record WNBL crowd.

The 7681 at Melbourne’s John Cain Arena were silenced as the three-time WNBA MVP fought back tears as she hobbled to the Southside, souring what was to be one of the biggest celebrations of the WNBL ever.

Many thought it was over but the four-time Olympic medallist, even then, refused to close the door — she still felt fit and didn’t want to end as she did in 2016 when knee issues forced her into premature retirement.

“It’s really hard to close the door after everything that I’ve been through,” she said.

“It was so traumatic, just going through the break and then the Achilles, I was in so much pain, but I thought ‘look I’m going to get fit, I’m going to stay fit’, my mind was in a place where it didn’t matter if I played or not.

“Everyone was asking me ‘are you going to do it?’

“Even my best friends and my family will tell you I really didn’t know for sure until only recently.”

TURNING POINT IN AN ‘UNBELIEVABLE RECOVERY’

Jackson’s initial goal when she went under the knife was to recover enough — and in time — for a farewell tour with her hometown club Albury-Wodonga, which plays on a court named for her in NBL1 East, next year.

But, as rehab progressed, so did the once remote prospect of a WNBL return. A turning point on the court, coupled with a recovery that left her surgeon floored, helped solidify Jackson’s decision.

“The injuries were pretty nasty and I didn’t think I would get to a point where I’d be ready to play before the WNBL season,” Jackson said.

“Had surgery in February, started my rehab pretty intensely in April and was running by early May.

“It was so painful, and I was pulling up sore but, in June, I turned a corner.

“I’ve tested it massively, the last two months, running with a weighted vest every day and just putting as much load through the Achilles to make sure my body’s ready to do it again.

“When I went back and saw my surgeon a couple of weeks ago, he said ‘I honestly never thought I would see you the way you’ve recovered, it has just blown me away. As a 42-year-old, this is unbelievable’.

“It’s been a bit of a journey, for sure.”

A basketball journey, for Jackson and the nation, still to reach its final destination.

FAMILY FIRST

The key to it all, was Southside’s support in helping Jackson relocate to Melbourne to have her two beloved boys Harry, 6, and Lenny, 4, by her side.

“It was hard last year because they weren’t with me and we were coming back and forth from Albury. I can tell you right now there were times I was so sad, I missed them desperately and it would have been too hard to do it again,” Jackson said.

“The club has been so supportive and we’re in the process of moving to Melbourne at the moment, I’ve been down with the team and running some camps.

“I love that my children get to be around a female basketball team, they’re going to get so much out of it and being in a team environment is so important for them, especially at their age.”

Harry’s a chip off the old block, possessing a similar attitude to mum and a heavy interest in the sport that made her an icon.

“Harry’s really into it, I’ve got him in a team down in Melbourne over summer, which is fun,” she said.

“He’s probably still a little bit too young but he loves it, watches NBA all the time, loves the WNBA as well, loves the women’s game, loves everything about the sport.”

A Jackson in the NBL, Boomers or NBA is a distant dream, right now, but a young Lauren Jackson dared to dream, so why can’t we?

[takeeachdayonebookatatime]

Why did you elbow me? 206

Achilles Castle part 108

Lemonade and lies Part 51

Nicholas (Nick) Stephen McSwarek undercover part 15

Monique: pov I know what you mean I had a patient once who was sensitive to caffeine, Lanie says Kate has heart issues so caffeine is a big no and so is salt. If you don't mind me asking how long, have you had a heart condition. Kate Says a few years. Oh so you weren't born with it. Kate says no. Do your Dr's know what caused it? Was it like a defect or a condition that caused it? I hear Lanie say just loud enough that something definitely caused it all right.

Kate/Stana: pov I was shot I explain everything and Lanie explains to her my emergency heart surgery. Monique says that must have been traumatizing, does it still bother you. Sometimes the scars hurt and I still deal with the PTSD I got from it. My immune system isn't the best so I get sick more often. Me and Greig say our goodbyes while the 4 of us help pack the car. Noelle is already in the car waiting for her sister to get in.

Lanie: pov I say goodbye to Kate and Nick since I have work and they have somewhere to be right now. Esposito has been texting me like crazy since he misses me, I have something nice planned for tonight, I hope Esposito likes it.

Castle: pov I quickly get ready, grabbing a blue shirt and comfortable pants. I eat eggs for breakfast. I have physical therapy today. Mother is dropping me off and picking me up today, we are then having lunch together. The car ride to the hospital is short, she drops me off at the door. As I'm walking into the hospital I almost bump into an EMT who is leaving, I apologize for almost bumping into him. He asks if I’m Richard Castle, the EMT does look familiar to me. Why yes I am. He says he was one of the EMTs that rode in the ambulance with me and Kate Beckett after she was shot at that funeral. He asks how she is doing. Kate is doing okay after what happened. She has a heart condition now and is still struggling with PTSD, plus her immune system isn't great. She is still a cop, a homicide Captain now they thought it would be better for her less field work more time behind a desk. Once in pt the therapist mentions how great i’m doing and no longer need the crutches. Which is amazing,

Jenny: pov I slowly climb out of bed, being pregnant is rough. Sarah Grace is now up and helping me make breakfast and her lunch before kindergarten. Today is frozen waffles with fruit, whip cream and yogurt on the side and some orange juice to wash it down for Sarah grace. Me and Ryan are having bagels instead with orange juice for me and coffee for Ryan. After she is done eating I get her dressed and ready for school. Today's lunch for Sarah Grace is a grilled cheese with chips on the side and some fruit. I also put a juice box in and a cute note.

Ryan: pov i’m in charge of dropping Sarah Grace off at school since I don't have a crime scene to head to. Esposito is already at work and getting some stuff done. Hey Esposito, do you know how Kate is? I’m Worried and was hoping that Lanie told you something.

Esposito: pov she did tell me something, Kate is okay she had no lasting effects from her episode. Nick did have to give Kate her meds after the tire blew on the car which scared her for some reason. Plus she must have just gotten overheated, in the store, Lanie said she was fine this morning before she headed off to work at the morgue. Nick is going to keep a close eye on her. A woman whose husband had been murdered recently is waiting for us in the breakroom. Lt told her she could wait for us there. She has with her a large gift basket of snacks, candy and some drinks. This is so nice of her she saysit's a thank you for solving her husband's murder. Me and Ryan can't wait to get into it since everything looks so good.

Officer Nicholas (Nick) Stephen McSwarek/Greig: pov we arrive at the warehouse to pick up the drugs and the onse Kovach was nice enough to pick up yesterday when we had the flat tire. It shouldn't take that long to load the boxes into the truck and drop them off at our warehouse.

Martha: pov Richard who was that man you were talking to before he says, an EMT he was in the ambulance with me, Kate and Lanie when she went into cardiac arrest after her shooting. What did he want Richard?

Castle: pov nothing mother he just recognized me and wanted to know how Kate is doing. Now should we head off to lunch, mother. I don't want to have to wait too long because the place Is packed for lunch. The ride to the restaurant was short and there was barely any traffic on the way. After Mother parked in a front spot we both headed inside the Italian Restaurant. The wait wasn't too long. I pick a booth near the front so I don't have to walk too far. A waiter came over with some menus for us after ordering which only took a few minutes. We chatted about life. 20 minutes later our food arrives quickly. I ordered the stuffed shells with triple cheese cheese. Mother ordered the shrimp pasta in garlic sauce with garlic bread on the side. The food looks amazing. I can't wait to dig into it.

Kate/Stana: pov on the ride to the warehouse which is short. I talk with Nick about some of my weirdest cases as a homicide detective/ captain. Some of them, he can't even believe they happened. I tell him about my other brushes with death like standing on a bomb being thrown off a roof by my shooter and hanging on until Ryan could save me. Standing on a bomb, being kidnapped by a psychopath plastic surgeon who helped out 3xk also known as Jerry tyson. To be continued. …..