#I’m glad after so many shitty days I finally get to have a good one tbh

[nsfwitchy2]

Love watching my paycheck go into my bank account btw. Like,,, wow,,,, she’s beautiful,,,,,

[st4rr-girrl]

Cheater

Summary; you have been expecting this for a long time. Though it still hurts when you find out your suspicions were true.

Pt 2

[sad/shitty ending]

Cheater! Draco x fem! Reader

Warnings; cussing, angst, break up

Now playing: apocalypse- cigarettes after sex

You didn’t even flinch as you stared at Draco. His disheveled form, on top of Astoria. You frowned, shaking your head. You had been expecting nothing less than this. Though your expectance, it didn’t stop the pain you felt squeezing your heart.

Draco turned around, surprised at your presence. Panic spread across his face like wildfire as his mouth tripped over words, hastily in search of a sorrow-filled excuse. Regret swirled behind his grey irises. Astoria smirked at you, an unapologetic expression displayed across the pale skin of her face.

“Save it.” You spat. Squinting, and clenching your jaw as salty tears filled your eyes and blurred your vision. You turned around quickly, running to the slytherin common room. The tears flowed down like a waterfall, as you ran to Pansy’s dorm. You bursted through the door, interrupting whatever activities her and her boyfriend, Blaise, were doing.

You sobbed out loudly, jumping into your concerned best friends arms. “What happened, hunny?” She asked as you stained her shirt with tears.

You tried telling her what happened, but all you could muster out was a weak “Draco…” she immediately knew what you meant. “Aw, my love.” She cooed. Blaise looked unamused. He may be close to Draco but he’s definitely going to lecture him about what he did to you.

You knew this was going to happen. You were 100% positive it was going to happen. But it still hurt. You really loved him. But you just weren’t surprised.

“Draco?! Where have you been? I was worried.” You furrowed your brows, as Draco finally entered his dorm room.

“I was out with a friend, Y/n. Chill out.” Draco rolled his eyes, walking past you. He smelt of another girl’s perfume. The scent was so strong, that it made your nose burn. You winced, and stared at the blonde boy. “Whatever Draco. I’m going to my dorm. Good night.” Tears welled up in your eyes. You just felt so defeated and helpless. “Night.” He said, leading you to the dorm door and hurrying you out.

Tears blurred your vision as you walked back to your dorm room. You layed in bed, tears streaming down your face, and tried falling asleep, trying to console yourself by repeatedly humming a well known tune.

-

“I’ll be right back.” Draco said, leaving you stranded at the Yule ball. “K” you mumbled, upset as you saw him leave, Astoria following a minute later.

You bit your lip, holding back the tears that welled in your e/c irises. You scanned the dancing bodies for Pansy, seeing her and Blaise slow dancing romantically. There was nothing in their eyes but pure love, and a little bit of lust. That’s how you and Draco used to look at one another. Until Astoria came into the perfectly painted picture, ruining the silhouettes dancing romantically and turned them against each other.

You despised her for what she did. She doesn’t love him. She just hates you and is using Draco against you to get under your skin.

-

A few days had passed, and you were still avoiding Draco no matter how many attempts he made a day to talk to you. You wanted to forgive him, you wanted to be with him again. But you have to protect your heart. Somewhere deep inside of you, wants to be with him— belongs with him. You wanna run back to your little picture the two of you had; but you knew, if you did that he would just cheat again.

You walked down the hall hurriedly, as Draco followed closely behind while shouting your name.

You walked to a secluded hallway, and noticed nobody around.

Whipping around, your face felt hot. An anger bubbled inside of your chest as you screamed at him. “What do you want from me!?”

Draco looked hopeful, glad that you didn’t ignore him this time.

“Nothing you say or do can take away what you did. You broke my heart, Malfoy. And I wanna watch when she does the same thing to you. Because trust me; she will. She doesn’t love you. She just wants to make me upset. But in the end, you’re the one that’ll pay for it.” You squinted at the boy, walking past him as fast as you could, making sure to bump into his shoulder.

And just like that; it was over. He stopped chasing after you, and even considered leaving Astoria.

You two were out of each others lives. Forever.

[steddieas-shegoes]

another one for the requests ^^

a steve and johnathan friendship please. will and el seeing steve as their older brother along with johnathan, hopper and joyce treating steve as their own, and johnathan and steve just overall having a good friendship. (pre-relationship steddie with eddie getting jealous of johnathan because steve just recently came out to the Party as bi, and jancy broke up weeks before it, and none of the others - except robin ofc - know why steve is spending a lot of time at the hopper-byers' house)

I AM TEAM STEVE AND JONATHAN BEING FRIENDS!!! They both did shitty things, and just as real humans do, they figured it out and made themselves better. I'm also team Eddie is incredibly jealous of any other man who gets Steve's attention. This request was unexpected and fun and I liked being able to explore Jonathan a bit more. Thank you!!! - Mickala ❤️

-------------------------------------------------

If you asked Steve where he thought he’d be a year ago, his answer wouldn’t have been this.

Sitting on the Byers’ couch, running his hands through Jonathan’s hair while he cried.

Steve has practically been living at the Byers home for a month, Joyce insisting he join them for dinner so often it just got easier to come over after work every day and spend the night when he had a few too many beers with Hopper.

Will had quickly become his second favorite kid, only behind Dustin, tied with Max.

He was shy, but Steve loved the way he lit up when he talked about things he cared about. He was so excited to show Steve his new campaign ideas when he came over, and even though Steve only understood about 10% of what came out of his mouth, he couldn’t help smiling at him the entire time.

But his friendship with Jonathan was most surprising of all.

Even Robin was getting jealous.

But it was different with Jonathan.

Especially when he broke up with Nancy.

It wasn’t ugly, there was no big argument, and there truly were no hard feelings between them.

But Jonathan was hurting and Steve was there.

And no one knew the post-breakup with Nancy Wheeler hurt quite like Steve.

But that was weeks ago, and Steve kind of expected things to be going better than they were.

“It’s not even that I’m upset she’s going! I’m glad she’s going. That’s why I broke up with her. I’m just also sad that it has to be like this,” Jonathan sniffled against Steve’s lap.

Nancy left for Yale today. It wasn’t her first choice, but it was the best option for her major out of the offers she got. Everyone had gotten together to see her off, even Jonathan, and it looked like he’d held off the breakdown as long as he could.

“Hey, it’s understandable to be upset. You loved each other and it’s hard to see that final goodbye. Up until now she was still hanging out with all of us so it didn’t feel real, now it does.”

Jonathan sighed and closed his eyes.

Steve smiled down at him.

“You’ve got time to figure out what you’re lookin’ for, man. It’ll get easier to be without her.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.”

Steve was startled when the door opened, Will excitedly talking with Eddie, who’d been driving him back after Hellfire for two weeks now.

“Hey Will, hey Eddie,” Steve said with a small wave, one hand still occupied with playing with Jonathan’s hair.

“Hey Steve!” Will exclaimed.

Will kept talking to Eddie, but Steve noticed he wasn’t paying attention.

He was glaring at Jonathan.

Steve looked down to see if Jonathan was glaring at him, or for any explanation of what was happening.

But Jonathan’s eyes had closed again, his face not quite smiling, but more relaxed than it had been for most of the evening.

When Steve looked back up at Eddie, he was looking at the floor, brows furrowed and a frown on his face.

“Uh, Will, I’m gonna head home. I’ll see you on Saturday, though?”

Will looked dejected, and Steve hated it.

“Oh. Okay. See you Saturday,” he said, walking out of the living room to get to his room.

Steve saw red.

“What the hell is your problem?” Steve asked Eddie.

“What?” Eddie had the audacity to look shocked at being called out for his suddenly shitty behavior towards Will.

“Will was talking to you and you just blew him off.”

Jonathan sat up now, his eyes burning a hole through Eddie.

Jonathan and Eddie got along fine, they weren’t close friends or anything, but they seemed to get along when they all hung out in a group. But Jonathan was incredibly protective of Will, way more than Steve even, and if Eddie was being rude to him, Jonathan would make sure he knew he wasn’t going to let it happen.

He was a chill guy until you messed with Will or El.

Then again, so was Steve.

“Uh. I.”

Jonathan stood up and walked over to Eddie. He didn’t look angry yet, not like he had the potential to be, but he didn’t look pleased.

“Get your shit under control, man. It’s not what you think. Will doesn’t deserve you acting like that because you’re jealous.”

Which made no fucking sense to Steve, but he decided to let Jonathan handle it.

Eddie’s wide eyes watched as Jonathan left the room, probably to check on Will.

Steve stared at him from the couch, not sure what to say.

“Um. I’ll go. Sorry,” Eddie said awkwardly, which is something Steve wasn’t used to.

Eddie was never awkward, always bigger than his body in ways Steve didn’t think possible. Unapologetically loud, fun, a spitfire.

So seeing him like this made him hesitant to believe he meant any actual harm towards Will.

“Hey,” Steve stopped him. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, man. Um. Just tell Will I’ll call tomorrow.”

And then he was gone.

Steve knew better than to follow; Whatever was going on with Eddie would be fine by tomorrow.

Will, however, may be truly hurt and upset.

Steve walked down the hall quietly, not wanting to interrupt Jonathan and Will if they were in the middle of something.

He heard their voices speaking so softly. That should have been a sign to turn around.

But then he heard his name.

“He didn’t mean anything by it, Will. He had a jealous moment because of Steve and took it out on you. I’m sure he’s sorry.”

“Why was he jealous of Steve?”

Jonathan sighed.

“You know how Steve just came out a couple weeks ago?”

“Yeah.”

Steve was about to fall through the wall just to hear where this was going.

“Well, Eddie’s had a massive crush on him for damn near a year now. And he got his hopes up that Steve might feel the same when he came out, which is fine. It’s a natural reaction, you know that. But he also knows that I broke up with Nancy and spend a lot of time with Steve and you saw how he was comforting me when you got home. To you, it looks like just brothers helping each other, but to him, it probably looked a little different.”

“What, like you two are together? Gross.”

Jonathan laughed.

“Yeah, I know. But I can see how he would think that. And you and I both know it hurts when someone we love doesn’t return our feelings.”

Steve’s head was spinning.

Eddie having a crush on him felt like something Jonathan was making up just to make Will feel better.

Just when he was turning around to go back to the couch and figure out what the hell he was feeling, El came out of her room.

She froze when she saw him.

She looked towards Will’s bedroom door, then back at Steve.

He silently begged her not to say anything, and luckily, even without reading his mind, she seemed to know what he was asking.

She nodded and walked along to the kitchen, where Joyce was finishing up dinner for all of them.

“So, do you think Steve likes Eddie? Or is Eddie gonna have to feel terrible forever?”

“Will, you’re not gonna feel terrible forever.” Steve couldn’t hear if Will said anything, but the silence only lasted a moment. “But I think maybe Steve does and just doesn’t realize it. Or maybe he does and just doesn’t think Eddie feels the same. Don’t know how since he literally makes heart eyes at him every chance he gets.”

They both laughed and Steve felt unbalanced, like the next breath might knock him over.

If they were right, if Eddie had feelings for him, then he could see why he was so upset finding Jonathan’s head in his lap earlier.

“Boys! Dinner!” Joyce yelled from the kitchen.

Steve jumped and quickly walked to the kitchen so Jonathan and Will wouldn’t know he eavesdropped on their conversation.

He was quiet through dinner, which wasn’t too unusual. He answered questions when he was asked, asked El about her next girl’s night with Max, asked Will about his campaign.

But Jonathan kept looking at him like he knew.

He got out of there as soon as he was done helping with clean up, saying he was tired and needed some rest before his opening shift tomorrow.

El and Will gave him a hug, Joyce kissed his cheek, and Jonathan followed him out.

That wasn’t what he wanted.

Jonathan stopped him at the front door, hand on his arm.

“Steve. Will’s okay. Don’t be too hard on Eddie, okay?”

Steve just nodded, then gave Jonathan a quick hug before leaving.

He drove home in silence, only his thoughts keeping him company.

—---------------

He talked to Robin because of course he did. She would know what to do.

“Dingus, this feels pretty black and white to me. You have confirmation he likes you. You just spent 20 minutes telling me how amazing he is, which means you like him. He isn’t gonna make a move if he thinks you’re with Jonathan, and he’s valid for thinking that, by the way. You two are freakishly close. You have to do something.”

Steve knew she was right, but he hated when she was right, and he didn’t want her to be right.

“But what if Jonathan is wrong? Maybe he just thinks that’s why he was upset.”

Robin stared blankly at him.

“Steve. Ask Eddie out or I am gonna jump off the cliff at the quarry. God, I cannot with you two.”

Which led Steve to believe Eddie had been talking to Robin about him and caused him to spiral again.

But Robin ignored him and said she wouldn’t talk to him about anything except work until he grew a pair and talked to Eddie.

—--------------------

He was standing outside of the Byers house, here for dinner again, but Eddie’s van was parked outside, which was weird.

It’s not that he wasn’t welcome, Joyce always invited anyone who needed to eat.

It’s just that Hellfire was supposed to be right now, at Eddie’s house, which was not here.

But he was here.

Jonathan opened the door, trash bag in hand, and smiled when he saw Steve standing there.

“Oh, you’re here! Everything okay?”

Steve nodded.

“You sure?” Jonathan started to look concerned. “If you need to skip, I’m sure Mom will understand. She knows you’re working a lot.”

“No, I’m good. Uh, need me to take that out?”

“No, I got it. You go inside, say hi to everyone.”

Steve had no choice but to do what he said.

Something felt off.

And when he walked into the living room to see El and Will sitting on the floor with Eddie, everything felt off.

“Steve!” El yelled, jumping up and running over to give him a hug.

Will followed behind, not quite as enthusiastic, but smiling all the same.

Eddie waved from the floor, small smile on his face.

Steve hated whatever was happening, not because Eddie was here, but because Eddie was never like this around him. He was usually easygoing and tactile, not quiet and awkward.

“Is that Steve?” Joyce called as she walked into the living room. “Hi, honey! Can I have your help with something for just a second?”

“Of course.”

He followed her back into the kitchen, ignoring the way his stomach was in knots at the idea of having a family dinner with Eddie here.

“So, Eddie’s having a rough day, and we invited him for dinner. His favorite is lasagna, so that’s in the oven. Will told me his favorite dessert was brownies, but the texture just isn’t right on these. I’m worried they won’t cook right. Can you take a look?”

Steve wasn’t exactly a baker, but he dabbled in it. His specialty was homemade brownies.

He tried not to let his mind linger on why Eddie was having a rough day, and followed Joyce to where the brownie mix sat in a bowl, which was a very pale brown color.

He knew without even tasting it what was wrong, but he didn’t want to make Joyce feel bad, so he stirred it a bit and then dipped his finger in the batter.

“Ah. Needs cocoa powder,” he said with a smile.

“Of course! I can’t believe I forgot that. Could you get that taken care of?”

And then she was gone.

So, Steve handled it.

He found her cocoa powder, added it in, then took another taste.

This was his recipe. He’d given it to her a while ago, but she’d joked that she couldn’t possibly do his brownies such a disservice.

Whatever was going on with Eddie must be bad.

Then Eddie walked in the kitchen. Alone.

Just as Steve was licking his finger to make sure it didn’t need any more sugar or salt.

They stared at each other for a moment, both their eyes wide in surprise.

“Brownies? What’s the occasion?” Eddie finally asked.

“Uh. Joyce said they’re your favorite?”

“They are. But why does that matter?”

“Uh. She said you were having a bad day.”

Eddie’s face was red.

“Oh. Um. I just had a doctor’s appointment is all.”

Steve’s heart stopped.

“Is everything okay? Are you hurt? Are you sick? Did they find something wrong?”

Steve was closer to him, his hands hovering over his body like he could sense if something was off.

“I’m okay,” Eddie smirked. “Just had to do a lot of tests and I’m sore now. Nothing wrong, though.”

“Good. That’s good,” Steve supplied, his hands dropping to his sides uselessly.

“Yeah. Good.”

Whatever was happening here sucked. Steve hated being like this with Eddie.

He thought about what Robin said, about what Jonathan had told Will.

“You wanna go out with me sometime?”

Steve was an idiot. Truly. Just spitting it out like that, no warning, not even sure if Eddie actually did like him.

“What?”

Eddie looked like he was five seconds from passing out.

“Like on a date?” Then Steve stopped. Eddie would have said yes if he really liked him, right? He wouldn’t have hesitated. “Yeah, I mean, it’s cool though, if not. We don’t have to. Just an idea. I mean Jonathan said-”

“What did Jonathan say?”

“He said you liked me, and he’s just trying to be a good friend and help me out, maybe he was just making sure I didn’t feel bad for liking you so much, I dunno-”

Eddie’s lips were on his.

Eddie’s lips were on his.

Holy shit.

“You’re not with Jonathan?” Eddie asked without pulling away completely.

Steve shook his head.

“You don’t like Jonathan?”

Steve shook his head again.

“You like me?”

Steve nodded.

“Then yeah, let’s go on a date.”

Steve suddenly heard cheering from just outside the kitchen.

He pulled away from Eddie and turned to see Joyce and Jonathan standing behind a clapping El and Will.

“You guys are the worst,” Steve said, running a hand over his face.

“Are we? You never would’ve made a move on your own dude,” Jonathan said, giving him a high five before swiping his finger through the brownie batter.

“I was gonna!”

“When you were 50 maybe!”

Everyone was laughing when Hopper walked in the front door.

“What’s so funny?” His gruff voice thundered through the living room and kitchen.

“Eddie thought Steve and I were a couple,” Jonathan said. “Fixed it, though. Now they’re together.”

Hopper looked between all of them, shook his head, then started heading to his bedroom to change.

“I don’t know why I ask,” his voice could be heard as he walked away.

“So, where are you taking me on our first date, Stevie?”

“How about we let Jonathan pick since he wants to meddle so bad?”

Jonathan laughed.

“This was all mom’s idea. She was tired of the pining.”

“You should go get milkshakes!” El said.

“And then go to the drive-in!” Will added.

“Not a bad idea, actually,” Steve said, turning to Eddie. “Sound okay to you?”

“Yeah, but first, bake these brownies. Your brownie recipe is my favorite.”

“You’re my favorite,” Steve replied.

Everyone groaned.

“Oh, now it’s gonna be worse,” Jonathan joked, shoving Steve’s shoulder playfully.

“So much worse,” Eddie added with a smile.

[curator-on-ao3]

for the director's cut thing, i would LOVE to hear you talk about the light before dawn! (sorry if you've already done it lol) it's one of my absolute all time favourite pikeuna fics <3

Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Thank you so much, @belannaswlonkderfulworm!! ❤️ That’s so kind of you and deeply meaningful for me. 🥹

To explain: The Light Before Dawn lives in my heart. I started writing that multi-chap during Strange New Worlds’ first season and I think about it often with so much affection. I know fandom wisdom is people don’t like modern AUs, but I wanted to write it anyway. Something about that story just needed to be told.

I began by trying to figure out Una’s secret. I would have liked to have made her in the United States illegally, but then marriage could fix her problem and I didn’t want that pressure on her and Chris’ relationship. I also considered making Una trans, but I don’t feel qualified to write that experience. There was the option of making her a religious or ethnic minority, but then she would hopefully have a community and not be so alone. The idea of genetic engineering correlating to medical device implantation and ableism finally hit me and really resonated.

For Chris, my first idea was that he could be an equine therapist. But that didn’t work out geographically and, once I figured out Una’s secret, I also decided I didn’t want Chris in any kind of medical profession. (That’s why Joseph and Christine are barely in the story.) Making Chris a modern-day peacemaker seemed right.

Once I had the facts straight, the story had one rule — nothing bad could happen during the course of the narrative. This would be a story about emotional recovery from trauma. Even misunderstandings (like the one Una and La’an had) would be in the service of recovery. I feel like that came through, in part because one of the story bookmarks has the note “comfort in words.” I’ll tell you right now that there are times when I’ve had a shitty day, I look at or think about that bookmark and it helps me feel better that my words were able to comfort someone.

All that being said, there was so much I wanted to fit into that story and couldn’t:

I had this idea in my head that when Chris and Vina got divorced, Chris wore brown loafers with tassels to Family Court because he knew Vina hated those shoes … and he felt guilty at doing something so petty, but also free from trying to please her. As Chris made his way down the front steps of the court after the divorce was finalized, he nearly danced on the concrete with the shoes his wife — ex-wife — hated.

Speaking of Vina … there are songs on my fic playlist for Vina, a character who doesn’t even appear except for Chris mentioning her. But I have so many thoughts about Vina’s frustration with Chris, her pain at him pulling away from a life she thought was good. Vina, a financial planner, helps money make more money. She shops at chic stores and pays too much for haircuts. She moved to SoHo after the divorce and doesn’t really enjoy sex with her dates but does it to reassure herself that she’s “normal” and “fun” and “cool” because all of that is so desperately important to her. I hope she snaps out of her need to impress others, I really do, because Vina’s life could be better if she just lived it for herself.

I considered including that in the mornings when Chris’ light didn’t go on that he was at Judge Batel’s place feeling like absolute garbage. But then who discriminated against Una and cost Una her dream? It got too messy so I just left Batel out and I’m glad I did.

I was going to have the kitchen renovation company belong to Hemmer but when the show killed him, I nixed that.

At the last minute, I edited out a part where Una told Chris that when she was little and her parents would drive past the garbage dump, she would get scared they would drop her off there and leave her. But that was just too sad, even in the past.

In the universe of the story, Rukiya 100% lives to be an adult. There is no cygnokemia in New York City. After they read and run around at the park, Joseph and Rukiya go home to Debra and the family plays board games until it’s time for dinner.

In terms of good stuff, I’m really pleased with some of the details in that story — Una’s nail polish bottles, Chris’ Eagle Scout award (the highest award in Boy Scouts), those two discussing leaky scaffolding (a relatable New York City experience), the reveal of what happened to Gabriel Lorca. Also, I know I’m biased, but when Una set the stars at the planetarium to Mojave, California, so she could see what the sky looked like for Chris when he was a child at night, I think that’s so goddamn romantic of her.

I’m less pleased with my decision to have Una’s quick conversation in the mail room be with a nameless neighbor. My original thought was the neighbor could be any one of the Discovery women — Kat Cornwell, Michael Burnham, Phillipa Georgiou, etc. Meh. Then I wrote and deleted a whole section that made clear the neighbor was Christine Chapel. Maybe I should have kept that and removed the fleeting Chapel reference later. I’m not sure.

I stand by the Spirk joke at the end, though.

I also stand by Una not being a model patient. She’s mostly good about things, but she doesn’t always carry her card with her … just like a real person. And I am gleeful that Eagle Scout Mr. Moral Compass Christopher Pike uses the work printer for personal documents because, come on, we all do it.

Oof, I could keep talking about this story but I should stop. Thank you for this absolutely lovely opportunity, @belannaswlonkderfulworm, I’ve enjoyed every second of babbling about my beloved The Light Before Dawn. ❤️

Want more information about a fic I wrote? Send me an ask.

[noodyl-blasstal]

Cool, Calm, and Collegiate - Chapter 5

It's day 5 of @blupjeansweek and today's prompt is "Kiss".

Read below or on Ao3. Missed yesterday's? Find it here!

-

“IT STARTED OUT WITH A KISS, HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS, HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS?” Lup yells happily, back to back with Ren.

Barry bumps against her shoulder as she turns back, they’re all jumping in a sweaty mass, there shouldn’t be room for them all on the stage, but they’ve crammed themselves in. Well, most of them. Lydia and Edward are stood in the corner (apparently the seats were “too much of a gamble on cleanliness.”) It’s fine really, Lup prefers them far away.

She’s mashed into the middle of the group and usually she’d struggle her way out immediately, but Barry’s comforting bulk is beside her so she’s not worried. She loves how sturdy he is. She loops her arm through his so they don’t get separated, and leans in to shout into his microphone. The other clientele must hate them at this point, but hey, they’re here for a good time and they’re having one. She’s had to sit through plenty of duds tonight, so the regulars can deal with the musical stylings of the IPRE choir. There’s not many of them left anyway considering how late it is.

They all hit a final pose as the guitar fades. It’s not coordinated, but it’s one of those moments that she wishes she had a picture of. Everyone laughing, she and Barry shouting into the plasticky microphone without a care in the world. He’s flushed and sweaty and there’s no doubt she is too with all of the jumping about, but he looks so happy. She’s so glad he came out, it’s nice to see him feeling free.

“Alright everybody, that was our last song of the night! You don’t have to go home, but you can’t stay here.” The guy running the karaoke shoos them off the stage.

Lup nudges Barry and leans in so he can hear her. He starts to look round, but realises what she���s doing and tilts his ear closer to her mouth. “I’ll just grab my bag.”

She knows where she left it, by the twins, they said they’d keep an eye on it (“not that anyone would think something like that had anything worth taking in it”) as long as she didn’t expect them to touch it. She knows she left it here, but she can’t see it.

“Lydia, Edward, have you seen my bag?” Lup’s trying not to panic, but everything’s in there. Keys, purse, lesson plans, notes…

“A bag?” Lydia asks, smiling a particularly poisonous smile. “I’m not sure… Edward, do you remember seeing a bag?”

Lup should have known better than to trust them… Taako’s right sometimes, she does need to be more careful with her believing the best in people bullshit.

Edward scrunches up his stupid handsome face and taps his chin as if deep in thought. “A bag? I’m not the help, Lydia. I’ve got no idea where it could be.” He looks to Lup. “You really should take better care of your things.”

Lup shouldn’t set him on fire, she shouldn’t, no matter how much she wants to right now. Surely anyone would understand?

“I asked you to look after it.” She bites out. She knows they’re doing it to get a rise out of her, she knows losing her temper is letting them win, but right now there’s not enough willpower in the world to keep her calm.

“That doesn’t sound like something we’d agree to, are you sure you’re not mistaken?” Lydia asks in a sickly sweet tone which means she’s definitely fucking with Lup.

“You agreed, I trusted you with it. Why are you being so shitty about this?” Lup snaps.

Lydia’s hand flies to her chest, a parody of offence. “Lup! Such strong language, I know you’re upset that you lost your belongings, but there’s no need to take it out on us.”

“Come on Lydia, we don’t have to stand here and receive this horrible abuse.” Edward chimes in, taking Lydia’s elbow and leading her away.

Lup growls to herself and begins a more thorough search of the area.

“Is everything okay?” Barry asks tentatively.

Lup looks up from her position on the floor. “I’m not doing some impromptu burpees.”

“I can’t say that doing that seems out of character.” Barry offers a hand to help her up.

Lup laughs despite herself. “It’s good for the soul.” She grabs his hand and jumps up. He’s strong, she notices, strong enough to pull her up with ease… interesting.

“What’s going on”

“My bag’s gone.”

“Where are Lydia and Edward? They were looking after it, right?” Barry, sweet Barry, asks.

Lup laughs bitterly. “Apparently you have a memory just as defective as mine. They wouldn’t have ever agreed to look after anything and clearly I’m an idiot.”

Barry’s mouth retracts into a line. “I heard them say they would. Do you want me to report them to Lucretia? She won’t take kindly to this sort of behaviour.”

“No.” Lup says quickly.

“Are you sure?” Barry asks, gently.

“No one ever does anything.” She shrugs, blinking hard to stop the tears she can feel welling up. There’s absolutely no way she’s crying about those dickheads.

Barry opens his arms wide and Lup presses against his chest without a second thought. She hasn’t hugged anyone since Taako when she left home, and hugging him is great, it’s wonderful, it’s Taako, but it’s nothing compared to being wrapped up in Barry’s arms. He’s soft and sturdy, and pats her back reassuringly.

“We’ll find it, Lup. I’ll help.” He looks down at her and smiles so softly that she believes him for a moment.

She looks back at him and quirks the corner of her mouth.

The lights flick on. “Stop canoodling! Get yourselves out of here. We need to clean.”

“We’re looking for a bag.” Barry says quickly. “Sorry, we’ll be out of here soon.”

“Doesn’t look like you’re looking for a bag to me.” The staff member says pointedly.

Lup has no idea why he’s so dedicated to the idea of inappropriate behaviour, but there’s no point in exploding at anyone else. “Is there any chance you’ve seen my bag? I need it before I can go home. It’s a black satchel with flames.”

“Oh. That’s over there, I just saw it.” The guy gestures over his shoulder with a thumb.

“Thank fuck.” Lup rushes towards the place he’s gesturing. She was worried she was going to have to meditate outside long enough to find object it… not that she hadn’t had to do that on nights out before, but still. It’s been a while. She’s grown.

The bag’s on the floor near the entrance, shoved to the side. Fuck. She hates seeing it treated like that. It was a gift from Taako at a time they definitely couldn’t afford anything nice. He cast all the spells and sewed the flames on himself, she’s had it forever… At least whoever nabbed it will have just gone for her wallet and there’s nothing of any substance in there. She stoops down to grab it, but it’s worryingly light. “No, no no no no no no no…” Lup opens it quickly and checks… shit. All of her notes are gone. Who the fuck would want those? And why the fuck have they dug through the dimensions of the bag to find them?

“You’ve got it!” Barry says happily as he catches up, then sees her face. “Oh no, what’s wrong?”

“Someone’s taken my stuff.”

“Sorry Lup. We can sort something out. Can you cancel your cards? We’ll report it in the morning. Have you got your keys at least?”

Lup hadn’t even checked, she didn’t get past the missing notes honestly. She checks the relevant pockets and comes up with her untouched wallet, but no keys.

“Maybe accommodation will have a spare set of keys?” Barry asks.

“They’re shut. It’s late… well, early.” Lup says, voice flat.

She can’t deal with logistics right now. What she’d really like to do is go yell at the fucking twins for being such dickheads, but that’s not constructive and yelling at dickheads usually makes you look bad in the eyes of others, no matter how justified it is (which is ridiculous, thank you very much.)

“Okay, you’ll stay at mine tonight… uh… if that’s okay. Obviously you don’t have to, I can cover a hotel room if you’d prefer, that was really forwar…”

“Thanks Barold. That would be nice. Can we just go please?” Lup’s got no juice left in her. Her get up and go has got up and gone, and all she wants in the world is to be asleep right now, ten minutes ago, even. At least she won’t have to think about how long it’s going to take her to redo everything while she’s passed out.

He must pick up on how exhausted she is, because he doesn’t say anything, just takes over. They’re in a cab before she knows it, and then he’s letting her into his apartment and asking if she needs anything to drink or if he can do anything for her. While she sits on the sofa he fusses round, hands her a glass of water, tucks her in a blanket, says he’s going to sort the room out and for her to hold on. She’s barely aware of him leading her to his bedroom. She thinks it’d be nice to sleep next to Barry honestly, he’s big and soft and solid, like the best teddy bear. But instead, there’s a neat pile of ‘pyjama options’ and some painkillers and he’s trying to leave. She doesn’t let go of his hand.

“Stay?”

“Uh… Lup, it’s fine, I’ll… the sofa.” Barry points, as if she’s forgotten where it is.

“Do you want to go?” She asks.

There’s a long pause.

“You can if you want, but if not, stay.”

Barry looks at her, really looks, searches her face for something, she’s not sure what.

“Okay. I’ll let you get changed. I’ll be back.”

The tshirt he left out is soft and baggy and smells like him. His lemony soap and the washing powder he uses. It’s comforting. Comforting enough that she feels strong enough to check her bag again… okay, keys and notes are definitely gone, but they didn’t get everything. The scrappy notes are still in their section, whoever grabbed them didn’t look too hard.

Barry knocks softly on the door. “Is it okay if I come in?”

“It’s your room, Bear.” Lup says.

“Bear?” He asks, opening the door.

Lup doesn’t reply. Isn’t quite sure how to explain that one.

“They left my scratch notes. So they haven’t got anything from your project.” She’s still jittery, but it’s such a relief.

“Oh… that hadn’t even crossed my mind. I’m more concerned about you.” Barry crosses the room and starts fluffing pillows and tugging the duvet. “Are you sure that…?”

Lup puts her poor, defiled bag down gently, then slides into bed and pats the space next to her. “The water’s fine, come on in.”

“Are you completely certain, I don’t want to…”

“I’d prefer it, I don’t really want to be on my own.”

Barry eases the covers back and gets in gingerly.

“Is it okay if I…?” He shuffles slightly closer to Lup.

She decides to take a chance, she’s tired, it’s so late, she’s emotionally done. “Yeah.” She shuffles closer and snuggles herself into his side.

Gently, so gently, he wraps an arm round her.

She nuzzles into his side, glad of his warmth, his bulk, his friendship. “Thank you, Barry.”

He strokes lazy circles on her back. “Hey, it’s okay. I’d never leave you stuck.”

“You wouldn’t, would you?”

“No.” Barry’s confused as to why she’s asking, but she ploughs on anyway.

“You wouldn’t take my research either, would you?” She keeps her voice lower this time. Almost whispers it. If she doesn’t say it too loudly he can’t surprise her, that’s flawless logic.

Barry freezes, then turns slightly so he can look down at her with his big beautiful eyes. They’re full of concern and Lup can’t bear to look back at him for long, she hides her head buried in his side instead. “Lup, did someone do that?”

“You all do, don’t you?” She says bitterly. “You know, supervisors.”

Barry shifts back. “What?”

“That’s just the breaks. You work hard and do all the research, and then your supervisor takes it because really it’s his because you were working in his lab and that means he can publish your theories and not even bother putting your name on it.”

She expects him to be angry, to fight with her, to deny that anyone would do that. Academics are upstanding! They’re ethical! They do their own research and credit properly and…

“Oh Lup, I’m so sorry that happened to you.” Barry pulls her tighter to him. “I’d be heartbroken if I’d worked so hard for something to be taken like that.”

“I reported it.” She says quietly.

“Good.” Barry says. “I hope they got rid of hi…”

“They didn’t do anything.”

“Oh… Oh no.” Barry sounds genuinely upset.

“They said my research was technically university property.” She continues.

There’s a long silence, punctuated only by her occasional sniffles. She could have a cold, Barry doesn’t need to know she’s crying.

“I would never ever do that to you Lup. In fact, I was going to ask, but I didn’t know when was appropriate, I’m sure now probably definitely isn’t that, but, uh, will you co-author the bond replication article with me?”

“What?” Lup refuses to be pitied. “I don’t want you to…”

“I will show you the message from three weeks ago when I asked my friend how best to broach the topic with you.” Barry counters before she can even finish objecting.

“Oh.”

“You’re a genius Lup, I keep telling you. I want you on my team, I want to see my name next to yours.”

“Drs Bluejeans and Tacco.” Lup laughs, wetly.

“Yeah. That’s it, that’s my official title.” Barry chuckles, and she loves the sound even more from here. Tucked into him and warm and feeling the laughter vibrate through him.

“It should be.”

“I’ll think about it. Dr Barry Bluejeans, Serious Science Guy, at your service.” Barry says in his best Very Serious Voice.

Lup laughs so hard that the tears are no longer self-pity, but mirth.

She must drift off to sleep after that, because the next thing she remembers is waking up in twilight, hand splayed against Barry’s chest, face resting on his bicep. She slips out of bed as delicately as she can, unable to argue with her bladder, but when she returns Barry pulls her close again. Maybe she’s the teddy bear she thinks, as she drifts off again.

Waking up properly is a slower, more delicate thing. Both of them easing gently into wakefulness. Neither of them willing to untangle themselves quite yet. Lup’s leg’s wrapped over Barry’s hips, his leg pressed to her other shin, her hand on his chest, his hand on her back. It’s companionable, comfortable, and probably incredibly unprofessional, but fuck it. Lup cuddles her friends and Barry’s her friend! It was just a shame she didn’t get to find out how good this was sooner. Magnus was going to love Barry cuddles when they met.

“I can make coffee.” Barry says groggily.

“I know, it’s real good, you already showed off about that.” Lup teases.

“No, I mean, I can make coffee now, for drinking.” He mutters.

“Drinking coffee? Ooooh, fancy!” Lup shouldn’t tease him really, but morning Barry was new to her and she couldn’t resist. How lucky his past partners were to get to see him like this every day.

“Grurgh.” Barry says.

“Coffee would be lovely.” Lup decides it’s probably kinder to humour him.

“M’okay. I’ll go now.” Barry snuggles deeper into the covers. “Just in one minute.”

She pets his hair. “Sleep Bear, I’ll go do it.”

It takes a few tries to leave bed, Barry clinging tight and grumbling in his sleep as she tries to go, but eventually she slips away. By the time she comes back with two steaming cups he’s half-awake again.

“I’ve got coffee for us, babe.”

A string of words issue forth from the pile of duvet Barry has ensconced himself in, all she can make out is “Lup” and “beautiful.”

“I agree, coffee is a beautiful thing, now c’mon. I’ve gotta go to the accommodation office this morning, and cha’girl refuses to do that uncaffeinated.”

Barry slowly shuffles into a seated position. “Thank you.” He takes the cup gratefully. “It smells right.”

“I learned from the best in the business.” Lup winks.

Lup leans against Barry’s side and they drink in companionable silence.

“I meant it, you know.” Barry says, most of the way through his cup.

“Meant what?”

“About the article. I want to publish with you.”

“You can’t talk dirty to me at this time in the morning!” Lup deflects, she’s not emotionally ready for a serious talk.

“I simply can’t help myself. Wanna hear about referencing style choices for the journal?” Barry deadpans back. He’s adjusted well to her teasing, less flustered, less awkward. She likes that.

“I still don’t know who would have wanted my lesson plans.” Lup says.

“I’m more worried about the fact they took your key. I’m, uh, well, I’m going to come with you to your accommodation if that’s okay?”

“Shit. I didn’t even think about that. Gods. I hope they haven’t fucked around in there… although, there was nothing on the key to say which room or where it is, so hopefully it’ll be fine.”

“Yeah.” Barry says too fast. “Hopefully whoever it was didn’t know already. Now, do you want the bathroom first? You’re welcome to borrow anything that’ll fit.”

“How much of it is denim?” Lup asks, pointing at Barry’s wardrobe.

“Er....”

-

Ko,

You’re getting a postcard on the fly today, I’m writing this at Barry’s while he gets ready. Last night was good until it wasn’t. We were singing karaoke and it was brilliant, Barry danced and it was magical to see. He’s so much fun, I can’t wait to introduce you. I think Kravitz would like him too, you know.

Anyway, anyway, then some fucker stole my bag (yes, the one you made, don’t worry, I got it back at least). They swiped all my session notes and my room key, so you know, nothing useful to most people. Thank goodness they missed my purse! I’m fine though. Barry adopted me for the night (I know you know, we’re talking right now, but you’re getting these postcards whether you like it or not, and I’m going to tell you what’s going on whether you know it or not. At least this way you can’t make gross insinuations like you did via video call (any woman would be lucky, obviously, but he doesn’t think of cha’girl that way!))

Right. I’m going to do battle with the accommodation office, think of me at this difficult time (which i’m experiencing in the past and definitely already have a solution to.)

Love you always,

Lup xxxxxxx

-

I hope you enjoyed! Want to read more? Great news! The next installment is here.

[martyfromgiant]

thinking about how pretty much every single show with lesbian representation has been cancelled or ended by the network in the last year. it hurts so fucking much to see shows being cancelled that have a huge fan base or killing off lesbian characters without a second thought. it’s not gay shows that are being canceled, no, it is wlw shows. mlm shows have continued to go on getting praise and renewals where shows like first kill, even though they’re cheesy and shitty, that have lesbian main characters one being a black woman and having a half black cast are cancelled. it had twice the viewing of shows like heartstopper, a show with two white gay men leads, that got renewed in the first few weeks of its release. even with netflix setting first kill up to fail by releasing it at the same time as huge shows like stranger things and umbrella academy, it still was a huge hit and had such a loving fan base.

the wilds with a lesbian main couple and diverse female cast literally centered around the concept of girl power. huge and dedicated fan base. cancelled. killing eve lesbian main characters one of them being sandra fucking oh that explores the dark side of ourselves while giving really good rep. one of the most dedicated fan bases i’ve seen. cancelled. and not just that, what could have so easily been a happy ending for the couple was ripped from us in the last five minutes right after the characters finally admitted feelings after four fucking seasons. one of them is murdered right in front of the other.

i can’t speak much to shows like everything sucks and the society because i haven’t bothered to watch them knowing they get cancelled. i don’t want to get attached to beautifully written and relatable characters for some big rich homophobic network to tell me no, no you can’t have this anymore. that’s happened too many times to me. right as the couple is happy and things are okay, one of them dies in front of the other like clexa, villaneve, dani and jamie from bly manor. some don’t even really get the opportunity to get to that point and others are just left with their relationship unfinished, with things left unsaid. and don’t even get me started on queer baiting.

yeah gay shows in general with good representation are fucking hard to come by but i’m sorry. mlm don’t face the same kind of hardships that wlw do. there’s a reason burying your lesbians became such a well known trope. because lesbians in shows die all of the fucking time for no good reason. i wish companies like netflix, hbo, and prime would stop fucking being cowards and admit the real reason they’re cancelling these shows. it’s not because they’re not being viewed enough or don’t have a strong fan base. it’s because they’re fucking lesbophobic i don’t want to hear anything else about it or any bullshit that it wasn’t a big enough hit. it may be the 21st century but lesbians aren’t magically equal even within the lgbtq community. the only place to get good representation these days is from fan made sources like fan fiction and fan art. made by people who understand how hard it is.

it’s where we get to see what we’ve always wanted to see, the characters we love, loving each other and being happy. we don’t have big writers scratching ideas because it “wouldn’t look good or be good for ratings”. we get a world where villanelle and eve lived happily ever after instead of villanelle dying in front of eves eyes and and floating into the abyss. not some bullshit from laura fucking neal who knows absolutely nothing about the characters we know telling us it’s what they felt was right. glad burying your lesbians feels right to people. but in our fan spaces we get to see villanelle make it out alive, we get to see them have a normal life and watch movies together. we also get to see and express what we feel is right with the fuck ton of queer coding in media. we get to see nancy and robin fall in love, emma and regina confess their feelings for one another, and any of the endless amount of amazing ships that we desire. there is a reason we flock to those spaces, it’s where we feel safe, seen, and where we feel like maybe one day we can have a relationship like that, to be loved like that. but it sometimes doesn’t make up for seeing it all play out endorsed by a company and written by people that actually care about representation and their viewers instead of just money. we all want to be loved and feel accepted and seen but sadly, because of the events of the last year, i’m not gonna hold my fucking breath.

sorry this is a lot, i’m just so fucking pissed

[krishna-sangini]

My Journey to Keshav

My journey to Keshav began when I was probably 2 or 3 years old. The tales that my grandpa and my great-granny told me; of Krishna's baal leelas, the cheer haran, His raas leela, His journey to Mathura, the slaying of Kansa, and then becoming the protector of uncountable people... All these tales I marvelled at as a toddler have the credit of hooking me onto my Keshav for the very first time.

This was just the start... Of a beautiful journey that would ultimately become my destination.

The toddler me grew up into a kid. That’s when the cartoon ‘Krishna Balram’ came onto the scene. And yeah, that show is 100% credited with making me fall head-over-heels for the sibling pair. I mean, y’all would be lying if you said you didn’t absolutely fall in love with Krishna and Balram after watching that show! Like, come on! Those two boys are simply sweethearts! Then came the ‘Little Krishna’ movie series. Ouffffff! My heart was completely occupied by the Makhan Chor by then. 

But then I entered teenage! The best phase of human life. You know, the phase everyone goes through where Westernization is considered cool and spirituality is considered ‘boring’ and ‘conservative’. Yeeeah… I fell into that ditch too. I pushed Kanha into the backseat. I got absorbed in the world of being ‘cool’ by shunning my religion and putting on the mask of atheism.

(This is not a dig at people who are genuinely atheists. Y'all are free to have your own opinions,  and I respect yours even if mine are different.) 

During those 5-6 years, I forgot all about my absolute bestie. The one who had stayed with me through every nightmare and sunshine. Needless to say, my life was a torment those years. Serious shitty family issues and my then school can be credited for that.

But again, once you’re into Krishna, he'll always find a way to bring you back if you go astray. That’s exactly what my Keshav did to me.

2020 saw the advent of the COVID-19 virus in India, and a long and tiring lockdown followed. Just as people were beginning to get frustrated to death, the good old Mahabharat and Ramayana started airing again. That was the turning point for me. Seeing Nitish Bhardwaj’s excellent portrayal of my Keshav, I was hit with the nostalgic memories of my childhood that I shared with Kanha. It was then that the thought struck me, “If a human can look so freaking beautiful, how much more radiant and divine must Kanha have looked in real life!”

And that was it. I called for Keshav after so long. He was waiting for me, perhaps. Waiting for me to call Him with all my heart, without my pride’s obstruction. I did, and He responded right away. A couple of days later was when I had that magnificent dream where my Keshav showed me a glimpse of Himself for the very first.

(I have posted about that dream here too; the link is in my pinned post. If you’re curious, you can check it out! Also, please share your Krishna story too!)

And since then, there has been no coming back.

I am now compensating for those 5 years by falling in love with my Keshav harder with each passing day. Not that I mind it. Because I absolutely love it. Now that I look back, it had been Him all along. All those times I sat crying alone in my room cuz of the mess our family was in, Keshav was there right by my side, caressing me gently. I was just too haughty to realize it. Had it not been for Him, the wicket of my life would already have toppled years ago.

Sooo, this is my journey to my Keshav. The journey that still continues; it will continue till we meet finally on the ultimate day… This journey has mended me in so many ways. It has shown me a whole new side of myself. It has helped me realize myself better. And best of all, it has made me feel my Keshav more and made me love Him much more. And I’m so so glad that I had people in my life who led me to the beginning of this journey. For this too, I thank our Manmohan.

Sooo, yeah. That’s it. How has your journey to Krishna been so far? Feel free to share!

Radhe Radhe, sakhis and sakhas! Kanha will stop by in your dream tonight~ (Yeah, he told me so himself!)

[barry-j-blupjeans]

Day 7 - Aftermath

It was weird, still being in the world after it almost ended. They had spent a long, long time wondering what a plane would look like post-Hunger, but Lup figured that this was probably the best outcome they could hope for.

The sense of rebuilding and community here on Faerûn wasn’t completely new— there had been several worlds that actually heeded their warning and prepared for the fight. But seeing it afterward? Seeing that strength and love persist even though the Hunger had tried to destroy it? It was truly beautiful.

And, honestly, made Lup feel a little bit shitty about not exactly feeling up to help.

It was— she was a mess. To put it in simple terms. Lup had spent an entire decade imagining what it would be like when she finally got out of the umbrastaff and now that she was out she couldn’t bring herself to go through with a lot of her plans. Sure, she did most of the plans that involved hugging people, or fuckin’ talking to people, and all that. But otherwise, she just felt… shitty. And out of touch.

The crew had moved on without her, especially after Lucretia’s help. Honestly, Lup couldn’t bring herself to be mad about that. She could very easily where Luce had been coming from. Like, Taako and Barry would have kept searching for her no matter what. Hell, Barry had. And she loved him for that, she really did, but in all honesty? She was kinda glad Taako— and Barry, for the little pieces he got to— had the chance to live without her being missing hanging over his head.

But it also left her in this situation. The Hunger was gone, the world was saved, and Lup had no true connections with anyone besides the crew. And even then, they weren’t the same exact people she had left.

Merle had kids! He had been married! Magnus had married too, but it was a bit of a different story from what Lup knew. Taako found people who loved him, with his show, with Kravitz— at the very least, Barry had gotten the chance to know the world, if not many of the people in it. Lucretia had the entire Bureau and people she had met along the way. Davenport was the one closest to how she felt, but at the very least, people knew him, even if wasn’t who he really was.

Lup didn’t have anything. Aside from Cyrus, which didn’t go great for either of them. All she had was a weird, fleshy body and a family who had changed when she was gone.

“Lup?”

The door to the study opened. Barry peeked his head inside. The hallway light flooded through the small gap in the door. Lup had the lights in here down low, so the contrast made her squint a little.

“What’s up?”

“You okay?” Barry asked.

“Not really,” Lup said after a moment of hesitation.

Barry shuffled into the room, gently closing the door behind him. Lup leaned against one of her hands, turning a little so she could see Barry when he leaned up against the side of the desk. He held out a hand and she took it, squeezing softly.

“Can I do anything for you?” Barry asked.

Lup would literally never get tired of him. She got so, so lucky being stuck on a ship for a hundred years with this man.

“Mh.” She brought their hands up to her cheek, pressing against it. Barry smiled. She had missed him so fucking bad. “I’m just… thinking.”

“Well, there’s your problem,” Barry said.

“Stupid,” Lup said, but she was smiling anyway. “I— it’s just… Like, we thought about what it would be like after the Hunger for so long, but now that we’re here I’m— I just don’t know what to feel about it, y’know? It’s— it’s so much, sometimes.”

“I get that,” Barry said quietly. “It’s— it’s been hard.”

“So hard,” Lup said.

“Yeah,” Barry said. “And I— Lup, I can’t even imagine how hard it’s been for you, with the— the being trapped and everything. You’re doing so good, and I know it’s been rough. I just… it’s hard to think of what can make it feel better, y’know? Do you— is there anything you wanted to do? When you were in the umbrastaff, I mean. Like, we can make a bucket list-”

“Most of it was just wanting to hold you again,” Lup said. She cleared her throat, blinking away tears. Barry squeezed her hand again. “I— the world is just so different than how it was during— when I left. I can’t— I don’t know how to adjust to a world where I don’t know anything or anyone.”

“It’s hard,” Barry said. “We could, uhm. We could go on a road trip?”

“Go on a road trip,” Lup repeated.

“Yeah,” Barry said. “So, uh, so you get to know more of the— the lay of the land and all— and we can go places where I know someone or— or where Taako knows someone, and we can talk to them, and get you acquainted, at least—”

“I don’t wanna assume your friends wanna be my friends—”

“Babe,” Barry said. “Anyone who doesn’t wanna know you is full of horseshit anyway.”

“Yeah?” Lup said.

“Yeah!” Barry said. “Like- you’re Lup! Look at you! One, you’re hot as hell-”

“Barry—”

“Two, you’re super kickass? Like, I don’t know if you’ve been hearing the news-press, but—”

“Ugh, the news—”

“I know, right?” Barry said. “And three, you’re— Lup, you’re so genuinely kind and funny that I can’t imagine anyone wouldn’t be jazzed to meet you. You gotta— I know this is your line, but you gotta stop worrying so much about it. People love you. If you wanna go out and meet ‘em, then I’m gonna be right there with you, okay?”

Lup finally let go of his hand, if only to wipe her eyes. She was smiling, though.

“You think so?” she said.

“I know so,” Barry said. “Just… think about it, okay? Doesn’t have to be a road trip, we could just— take a vacation. Gods know we deserve it—”

“We do.”

“Just let me know,” Barry said. “And I’ll be there with you, okay? Now you gotta come eat before everything gets all cold and gross.”

“You’ve convinced me,” Lup said, pushing her chair back. “This bitch is ready for spaghetti.”

“You’re always ready for spaghetti.”

“It’s a character trait, babe, keep up.”

[bisexual-thoughtss]

Olivia Benson x Reader

I was watching season 3 episode 8 when the perp is the child of a rape and everyone keeps saying awful stuff, and I just wanted to hug Olivia so bad she was so sad the whole episode. Lil angst in the beginning but mostly just tooth-rotting fluff. Seriously, you’re gonna need a dentist.

You’d received a call earlier in the day from Elliot, asking you to check on Olivia. He didn’t provide many details other than the case they were working had been rough on her. You decided to run to the store to pick up some groceries to make her favorite meal. You didn’t know what the case was, but you figured a little spoiling couldn’t hurt in making her feel better once she got home.

You’re just finishing cooking when you hear the jingle of keys in the door.

“Hey, babe,” you call happily, the familiar clatter of her kicking her shoes off and tossing her bag on the hook music to your ears. She walks around the corner looking like a kicked puppy.

“What are you up to?” She asks, sounding much quieter than normal.

“Making my favorite person’s favorite dinner,” you smile, turning off the burner before turning around to look at her. It was like a puppet with its strings cut, all the tension she held in her posture melted away in a snap. Her tense shoulders fell away from her ears, her eyebrows bunching together as tears welled in her eyes.

“C’mere,” you pull her into a tight hug, rubbing soothing circles on her back. She buries her face into your neck and your heart breaks a little as you feel her tears hit your skin.

“What’s wrong, sweetheart?” You murmur as sobs shake her body. You’d never seen her this emotional, always being strong in the face of whatever her job threw at her. But this time, whatever it was seemed like it was just too much for her to take. You walk her over to the couch and sit, pulling her down with you. She immediately wraps herself around you again as soon as you’re seated.

“Do you want to talk about it?” You ask, continuing to rub her back gently. She explains the case they were working on, and your heart breaks even more as she tells you the harsh things different people had said, not knowing who they were talking to.

“Do you think- would the world have been better without me in it?” She asks tearily, finally glancing up at you. Your blood boils thinking about the people who made her feel this low.

“Olivia Benson,” you start, wiping the tears away from her cheeks, “you are the kindest person I know. You help people, everyday. You do a job that most people could never handle, and you do it because you care. You chose to do this difficult job and to help and believe victims when no one else will.”

“I think that the world, and especially my world, would be a hell of a lot worse without you in it,” you tell her. She cracks a small smile, but it feels like a big victory to you. You stroke the short spikes of her hair away from her face, her chin resting on your sternum as she looks up at you.

“I’m sorry I unloaded all that on you. And that dinner is cold,” she mumbles, chewing her lip as she stares into the distance.

“You’re allowed to have emotions. I’m glad you feel comfortable enough to come to me. And dinner can always be reheated. I’m sorry people are so shitty,” you tell her, the smile you love making another small appearance as you scratch her scalp lightly.

“You’re too good to me,” she smiles pressing a little kiss to your lips.

“Mm, no, nothing is too good for you. You deserve every good thing,” you answer genuinely.

“Stop it,” she giggles, voice thick with emotion as she hides her face in your chest.

Her stomach lets out a loud growl, making you shake with laughter.

“C’mon, what have you had to eat today? Coffee? Let’s get some food in you,” you laugh, beginning to extricate yourself from the couch, but she latches on so you can’t move.

“We can come right back to cuddling after, you just need to eat something,” you tell her and she sighs dramatically to make you laugh.

“Promise?” She smiles and you press a kiss to her lips, trying to convey all your emotions for her through it.

“Promise.”

[poemsforparker]

car’s outside - spencer reid | oneshot

(not my gif, credits to the og post)

“I'm tired of lovin' from afar

And never being where you are

Close the windows, lock the doors

Don't wanna leave you anymore”

pairing: gn!reader x dr. spencer reid (criminal minds)

summary: you always knew Spencer’s job wouldn’t let him have an exactly normal routine, but lately you missed his presence more than ever.

warnings: a bit of angst as always in my writing but also lots of fluff we're talking Spencer here.

a/n: this goes around 2nd season or so. really proud of this one.

song inspiration.

The pair of you met in a very typical situation, which, ironically for Spencer, was very special, since ‘normal’ was not really a word he could attribute to many things in his life. But to you he could. He found in his days with you the peace he thought he’d never experience in his life. The way you just made things seem lighter and find the good part in most situations was what made him fall madly for you in the first place.

You remember the day you first saw him walk into the café, you had your notebooks and laptop all over the place in the regular table you’d always occupy to study, when lucky enough for it to be empty. When bell rang something brought your eyes right to the door, not something you normally did, but God, you were glad this time you looked over.

Your eyes escort him as he walks to the balcony where he orders a large cup of black coffee to the barista, judging by his order, the eyebags and the bag he carried with, you thought he’d be a student, just like you, a bit older, but still.

That went by for a while, around the same time, he’d walk in, take his order, then always two or three tables away from you he’d sit and read some book, other days he’d spend hours looking over some brown folders you never got the chance to read the covers.

You never really had the guts to go and talk to him, but you were just fine with a little staring sometimes, and you could swear sometimes you’d feel him staring back. After about a month of getting used to see him daily there, you caught yourself stupidly waiting for the time he’d arrive, sometimes even putting a bit more of an effort on how you looked, just in case he showed up.

A month and a half went by without you ever getting his name, it was until an event day at your campus, more people than normal frequenting that area, the café you normally found peace to study was crowded, people bumped into each other and waited in lines to get their orders, needless to say you had no peace to get your activities done.

Still, you had no choice, so you put your earphones and keep going at the routine, this time so stressed at the environment you didn’t’ even check if the pretty boy was sitting at his usual place. You had your focus on your tasks until from your panoramic view you see something that would be enough to make you snap on that already shitty day.

Someone had spilled coffee on your notes.

You open your mouth ready to drain out all of your swearword arsenal over whoever did that to your pages of work, until you look up. Those familiar eyebags and pretty hazel eyes looked at you in panic while his hand, in turn, was also covered by the black liquid. Your eyes instantly soften your gaze looking at him.

“Oh, God, are you okay?” You’re the first one to say something while he stands still, you grab a handful of napkins in your table and try to dry his hands, pulling softly the cup from it and laying it on the table. “It must have burned like hell.” 

Your touch on his hand wakes him up to reality and he finally speaks.

“Oh, I- shit, your notes.” His voice is so cute. He awkwardly tries to dodge your touch and put his focus on your notes, some just had meaningless brown dots and some of them were probably already ruined. “I’m so sorry, some guy bumped on me, then I stumbled in this bag, I couldn’t keep the balance I-”

“No, don’t worry about that, really, it’s okay, they were just drafts anyways, is fine.” They were, in fact, not drafts, but you didn’t have to make him feel any worse with that information. “And it’s partially my fault too, well, you tripped in my bag, I should’ve just left it in the bench. Sit there, please, let me get you another coffee.”

“I couldn’t. That’s to kind of you, thanks, but I can’t accept that.”

“C’mon, the tables are crowded anyways, sit here with me, I insist.” You gesture around as you say it and Spencer could indeed confirm the table he aimed to sit before the incident was now occupied by a group of students.

“Okay” He sighs “But I buy myself another coffee.” He points at you with a bossy tone that weirdly matched him, you can’t help a giggle over his cuteness.

“Yessir.” You play. “Be my guest if you want to pay for it, I’ll not insist on that, I’m a college student anyways, it’s not like a display money around, I’ll just order it them, be back in a sec.” He nods with a friendly smile and sits on the opposite side of where you were minutes earlier.

After facing a little line you get to the balcony and order two more large black coffees, thanking the barista when she happily hands you them over. On your way back to your table you decide to stop by a mirror and quickly fix your hair, thanking the universe you looked decent enough today.

You sit back with a smile, sliding his cup over to his side, only to notice he was intrigued looking at your notes, well, what was left of them.

“What is it?” You lean your head to the side and slide your laptop out of the was fixing your posture with both forearms on the table, now having him face to face with you, admiring his curious look reading your papers.

“Butterflies?” He asks also leaning his head and now also facing you. You bet I’m feeling butterflies right now.

“Yeah” You answer shortly. “They´re my subject of study for this semester. Why?” You pucker your eyebrows and sip your coffee never taking your eyes off him. He’s so much prettier up close.

“Nothing, I just always found them interesting. Did you know they use their feet to taste?”

You smile at him nodding yes slightly while sipping more coffee “Yeah, yeah I did actually, they also have four wings, not two, like most believe.” You chuckle at your own words. “We sound like such nerds.”

And for the first time you hear him laugh.

You talked to each other that whole afternoon, if Spencer could frame a moment of yours, he’d choose that exact one, while in the outside your talked mundane stuff and spilled random facts at each other, inside you were just both happy to finally have someone who genuinely seemed interested on what they had to say. It was perfect.

After that it just slowly escalated, you exchanged phone numbers, shared tables everyday, and now, two and a half years later, shared a small New York apartment. It was close enough to your campus, close enough to his work, and cozy enough for the pair of you. It worked perfectly.

Of course, now coming to nearly two years of relationship, there were things that would bother, after all, you can’t have it all. The major and nearly only one, if you’re honest, were the demands of his work. Of course, you knew it’d be a challenge from the moment you said you were all in. But this day specifically was making your blood boil.

Spencer should be in a two week vacation from work, which meant two weeks without calls from the office, right? Well, wrong. You had your tickets bought and were leaving the next day to your dream vacation. That was until your boyfriend got a call with urgency that he would, indeed, travel the next day, but not with you, and not for vacation.

That made you mad, really mad. You knew that it was selfish of you to be putting your shallow needs in front of whatever probably very important deal they had called Spencer in, but that wasn’t the first time and it would surely not be the last. That wasn’t reason enough for you to leave him, you weren’t that crazy. But it never failed to make you mournful. Knowing that for the next few days you’d have to sleep without him by your side.

You stare at Spencer’s puppy eyes while he slowly sat the phone on the desk. He didn’t need to tell you what was the reason they were calling, after all, whatever it was, lives depended on it, and you couldn’t bring yourself to ask him not to go to stay with you, that wasn’t an option.

Your eyes stare at him back, also glassy with tears as your breath pace slowly speeded up while you tried your best not to cry in front of him, you didn’t want to make him feel any worse than he already did, and you felt stupid crying always for the same reason, but you just missed having some alone time with him so bad.

It is ironical considering now you shared the same roof and the last month you could count in one hand how many days you’ve actually spend together. Which, honestly, hadn’t mattered that much since you were counting the days for his vacation, dreaming the final peace at least for a couple of days before getting back to the normal routine.

“Go” You say simply with a raspy voice, not risking many words or you’d give in to the emotion.

“They need me there to-”

“I know” This time it had game out ruder than you intended to “I know you have to go honey and that’s- that’s okay I-” You snuffle now feeling some warm tears down your cheeks “I understand.”

“Oh, sweetheart” Spencer closes up the space between you to hug you tight, the contact making you melt into his arms and you allow yourself to cry on his shoulder. “I’m sorry.” He used his other hand to stroke your hair trying his best to calm you down.

“No, it’s okay, really,” you say between sobs “I’m not trying to make you feel guilty, I just miss you so much.” You tighten your grip on his shirt and Spencer swore he could hear his own heart break, specially when there was nothing at his reach to make the situation any better, and that he was the reason the love of his life was crying, all he could do was whisper ‘I know’ in your ear while he waited for you to be calmer.

When you let go of him you feel your heart sink, heavy and empty at the same time. You try to give him a half smile, sniffing due the tears and he looks at you with a frown that makes you even sadder.

“I also with I didn’t have to go.”

“I know.” You hold both his hands in yours.

“And I miss you too. A lot.”

“I know.” You connect your foreheads, letting go of his hands and cupping his face. Enjoying the contact you have while his ride doesn’t come.

“I don’t know when I’m coming back, but I promise I’ll make it up to you, okay?” You nod, still holding his face within your hands. You give him a long kiss, trying to make him get all your feelings without having to say a word. You don’t know how long you stayed like this, but it was interrupted by a car honk followed by a stuffy voice that yelled ‘Dr. Reid’ impatiently.

You let go and he pecks your lips once more before stepping back reluctantly. You watch him as he picks up his bags from the floor and once more closes the door behind him and all you can do is hope he comes back in one piece.

“I'm packin' my bags that I didn't unpack the last time

I'm sayin', "see you again" so many times it's becomin' my tag line

But you know the truth

I'd rather hold you

Than try to catch this flight”

[honeystwiggypeach]

Thank me!

Kita x Single mom!reader

Summary: After moving to the country-side your daughter’s new babysitter asks if you’d go on a date with her grandson to repay her(really bad summary but it is what happens somewhat!)

Part two!!!

Tw: Minor self deprecating thoughts, overworking yourself(referred to as workaholics), reader has allergies(like pollen type allergies), light mention of skipping lunch due to lack of time, light cursing.

The first time you had met Kita was after you moved to the country side. You had needed a babysitter for your precious two year old daughter Keiko, and thankfully when you told this to your neighbor who you had been chatting with on her porch with your daughter situated on your lap as she poured you a glass of lemonade she quickly offered to babysit her.

“I don’t have much to do anymore.” She tells you letting out a sorrowful sigh, “I used to babysit but they’re all grown now and have moved out of town.” You nod listening to her little stories as she asks you what hours you’d need her to watch Keiko for.

And come Monday you’re right in her driveway dropping your daughter off to the babysitter.

A few days later and Keiko is running out the house to meet you as she babbles random nonsense.

“Oh that’s so nice baby I’m glad you had a good time than” she nods happily as you buckled her into her car seat.

As the weeks pass by Yumie begins to treat you and Keiko more and more like family everyday, and today you get to meet this Shinsuke that Mrs. Yumie had told you about. He watched you from the porch frantically search the car for something before pulling out a pink stuffed bunny assumably for Keiko who his grandmother had told him so many positive things about until he was certain the toddler could do no wrong. He watched as you face dropped in disappointment when the rain began to pour down right as you reached for the door handle and watched as you almost cried at the timing.

Your day had been shit, you woke up with horrible allergies but you can’t really afford to take a vacation day if you want to bring Keiko on a vacation, so you go into work sick and lucky for you the one time you close your eyes due to your pressure headache, your boss is right behind you and decides that if this is happening all the time he doesn’t know if your a good fit for the job and after much begging and promising that the job is perfect for you he finally left you alone when it was time for your lunch break only to discover you forgot your lunch, so instead you decided to go and grab lunch from a small cafe but instead you ended up passing a little boutique where you saw the cutest little stuffed animal but the time you spent searching for one besides the display one costed you your whole lunch break, but you thought it would have been worth the cute little smile and giggles Keiko would give you so whatever you ended up having a snack from your purse that you found anyways so it worked itself out as you continued your shitty day!

But now you were tired and you just wanted to curl up with your baby but the rain was making it impossible to do so without getting completely drenched and it’s making yoh want to cry because you just want to relax and hold her tight because you miss your daughter and of course it starts ducking pouring the moment you try and get out the car.

You run your hand down your face jumping slightly when you hear a few taps on your door to see a gray haired man with black tips on his hair shifting his weight from side to side as he stands with his coat above his head by your door. Quickly you open your door getting under his coat as he shifts it to fully cover you sacrificing his dry clothes to keep you dry, he probably has another shirt in his grandmother’s house anyways(he does not.)

Once the two of you get on the porch you give him a small thank you as he blushes slightly but your convincing yourself it’s cause he just got rained on.

He opens the door quickly shutting it behind you as Keiko comes rushing out of the kitchen as you settle her onto your hip.

“Hi my angel” you whisper quietly to her as she smiles rubbing her cheek against your own.

You pull back and she pours a bit before you show her the plushy and her eyes light up in excitement at the new toy.

“Thank you” she whispers in her little toddler voice.

You coo at her a bit as you pepper kisses all across her face while going to see Yumie who is sat at her kitchen table while she picks at her grandson lovingly.

“I see he helped you out of the rain” she says motioning to your dry clothes before her eyes go back to Shinsuke who stands in the kitchen dripping water onto her floor.

“I told you to go get a towel!” She tells him before he rushes off to the bathroom.

She laughs softly before noticing the way your eyes follow him out of the room, “he’s handsome isn’t he?” She asks lightly teasing you when you get a nervous and begin tripping over your own words.

“No!” You try to defend yourself but now it sounds offensive, “I mean he is but you know like-“you’re cut off by Yumie as she stares at you.

“Are you sick right now?” She asks about to stand up.

“No ma’am horrible allergies” you tell her quietly as Keiko stares up at you pointing to all the patterns on the fabric of the rabbits ear.

“Ah” she hums for a moment getting up and going over to the stove before boiling a kettle of water, “my allergies used to be bad when I was younger.” She recalls getting a fond look in her eyes as she begins telling you stories of her youth like some of her friends others how she met her late husband.

Before you know it she’s setting a cup of tea with honey mixed into it in front of you as she tells you about how it’s good for allergies.

The simple gesture makes you want to burst out crying, today had been stressful but you didn’t think you’d overworked yourself enough for tears!

She puts her hand over yours in a comforting manner as your eyes fill with tears.

After a few seconds you breath in, “I just don’t know how I could ever thank you enough” you let out a shaky laugh and she pauses seriously considering.

“You could always thank me by going on a date with Shinsuke” she says like she hadn’t just offered to set you up with one of the prettiest men you’ve ever seen.

You glance to the corner of the room letting out a few giggles at her comment before seeing the man himself standing at the entrance to the kitchen blushing like crazy as he stares at his grandmother.

Never before had she tried to set him up with anyone. She never approved of any past girlfriends he had broughten to meet her always insisting they weren’t the ones for him, and she’d always be right like some sick sixth sense she always knew that the girls wouldn’t be Shinsuke’s forever person and she hadn’t been wrong before. That’s why he finds it so shocking that she’s trying to set the two of you up, obviously she must think pretty highly of you if she’s offering to set the two of you up, even if she is joking(she’s not also probably not the first time she’s offered to get you a date with him😭)

“Oh, why not?” She asks sadly and the two of you immediately loose all the will to insist not to that you had in you, “it doesn’t even have to be romantic! The two of you are both workaholics! It’d be nice if you two could both take a little break from work focus on yourselfs! Plus it’s be a nice chance for you two to get to know eachother!” She tells you and you look to Kita nervously, how would he react maybe he’d be beyond disgusted and harshly reject you before you could even say anything.

He gives a small shrug looking down at you, “I don’t see why not, I know a nice little restaurant we could go if you’d like” he offers giving you a chance to back out.

You nod softly asking about the time and date and before you know it your walking out of your daughter’s babysitter’s house with a date!

But when the day comes you find yourself incredibly nervous, in between setting up the date and the actual date you had several more encounters with Shinsuke. One of the more recent he had been sitting on the wooden swing on the porch as Yumie sat in her rocker as Kita gently swished the swing back and forth as Keiko laid her head against his chest as she slept. Her little chubby cheeks being squished up as she used one hand to clutch his shirt and the other to hold onto the ear of her plush rabbit you had bought.

You smile fondly as you think of the memory while finishing getting ready. You had exchanged numbers with Shinsuke quite some time ago and he told you all you needed to know about the date quickly putting out any concerns you had about dress codes and what not.

Once you pulled into Yumie’s drive way Shinsuke was already out on the porch sitting on the swing getting up to help you get Keiko’s bag as you parked.

Yumie had insisted that Keiko could spend the night, telling you that even if the date happened to go horribly wrong she’d still love to have Keiko over, telling you all about how she missed babysitting her grandkids like this during their summers. So you agreed albeit nervously, Keiko had never spent the night away from you and you hadn’t spent the night from her since she was born and you aren’t sure you’ll know what to do with yourself.

Gently Kita lifts a sleeping Keiko from her car seat as she leans against his shoulder, his other arm he holds the over night bag and your quickly going to open the door for him and he smiles softly as you shit the door behind you two watching as he sets Keiko down on the couch gently as he covers her with a blanket putting a pillow on the sides of her as he takes care to see that she won’t fall off the couch as soon as the two of you leave.

Once Yumie notices the two of you have settled Keiko onto the couch she’s quickly telling the two of you to hurry and go to your date before your late, for what you’re not sure because you didn’t think it was a restaurant you had to make reservations at, maybe it was?

Turns out it wasn’t the restaurant Yumie was warning the two of you about being late for it was a drive in movie that she had over heard the cashiers at the grocery store talking about last time she went grocery shopping.

The two of you sat in the tailgate of his truck after he pulled out a few blankets folding them up enough to build a softer seat thaf the two of you shared and watched the movie. By the time he drove you back to Yumie’s house you were dead tired enough to fall asleep in the truck.

Maybe that’s why Yumie has insisted on Keiko sleeping over and maybe she was also right about needing a break from work because when you woke up the next morning on one of Yumie’s couches with Keiko sleeping practically in your back you felt like you had the best sleep of your life.

You rubbed your eyes tiredly as you gently moved Keiko to lay on top of you so it was more comfortable for her as you looked around the living room noticing Shinsuke asleep on the couch on the other side of the room as one of his legs hangs off the couch.

You smile fondly before gently slipping out from underneath Keiko to find Yumie in the kitchen smiling softly as you as you sit at the table.

“How’d it go?” She asks quietly knowing the two were sleeping.

“I think it went really well” you say quietly but apparently not quiet enough as you hear a few quiet cries from Keiko but before you can get up to check on her you see her run across the living room to a sleeping Shinsuke, causing you to get up quickly to try and tell her not to wake him up or anything but by the time you get into the living room she’s curled up against Shinsuke’s chest as he pats her back lightly giving you a soft smile when he sees your eyes relax at the sight.

I will gladly write a part two if anyone is interested!! Will also probably post this on ao3! I’m working on a part two currently and may possibly write a part three since I have ideas for it!!(should probably just turn it into a series, I’ll do a Kita series when I get an idea one day!!)the pat two should come out sometime this week(possibly today or tomorrow!!)

Also I have a prompt list so here’s the link for that if you’d like tk check it out! I haven’t gotten any requests yet so all the prompts are open!!!

[twobigears]

2023 New Year Goals and Reviews and Stuff

I usually do goal and review posts every year just like everyone else, but if I did this for 2022 I sure can’t find it. Maybe I was too lazy, which would surprise no one.

2022

This felt like a fairly chill year overall, which is probably a good thing.

We did some hiking and camping. As always, we could have done more.

Chandra made good progress in her iliospoas rehab that started at the end of 2021 (def a reason we didn’t hike as much, especially in the first half of the year). She is cautiously returning to agility and we’ll see how that goes.

Chandra did some more obedience training and also made good progress there. We didn’t trial other than some at-home WRCL runs.

Blizzard really picked up her agility trialing! She had her first full year of trialing after a slow start largely due to covid.

Between virtual runs and real trials, Blizzard made her way up to Masters in USDAA and Level 5 in CPE. She earned her MPD (Masters level title in USDAA) and is about halfway to her PDCH (championship title)

I finished 3/4 of my schooling for my GIS certificate and transition away from dog training to a new career. There is still a lot of anxiety going on with that, but the mental relief of getting away from agility-as-a-job has been soooo worth it.

I put more effort into self-improvement mentally and physically! After years of yo-yoing and steadily creeping weight gain, I revamped habits, made better choices, and lost about 25lbs. I admit this came after hitting a mental low point (and high weight point) early in the year when I was sitting in a hotel room eating grocery store chocolate cake with my fingers because I ‘needed’ it. The cake wasn’t even that good.

I also reined in my internet and social media habits, especially Facebook as recently mentioned. But also things like not scrolling my phone in bed at night, and not checking it first thing in the morning either. I think a lot of people these days have some sort of social media addiction, or at least way too much there, and Facebook was mine. For a long time I knew how bad it was making me feel for a hundred different reasons, but it was still a struggle to quit or cut back. I finally managed it in the last couple months of 2022 and I really do feel soooo much better just ignoring my friends feed and going on primarily to check some hobby groups. It is so much easier to spend less than 5-10 minutes a day there versus the hours I used to spend. Unfortunately I’ve kind of replaced the FB addiction with a Reddit addiction, which is something to work on in 2023....

I got myself spayed and off of hormonal birth control! It’s only been about five weeks but I can already feel the mental benefits and I’m so glad I did it. Only regret is that I didn’t do it sooner. I look forward to seeing how my brain and body continue to change and hopefully for the better. HBC is great for so many reasons (esp the No Babies part, so I have no regrets for that), but it’s also got shitty baggage.

Seems like a lot of 2022 was about me, which was probably more than a little overdue. As they say, put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. ~self care~ and all that!

What’s up for 2023?

Continue monitoring Chandra’s rehab and see how it goes and how she does with some agility again. I have a pipe dream goal of finishing her PDCH (she needs 8 Qs, even less than Blizzard) but I don’t want to be selfish about it. So we’ll see.

Obedience...idk. We’ll keep doing some training but at this point I’m not sure about trialing. The obedience community really does it make hard to love. Maybe later on I’ll feel interested again. I don’t want to regret not doing it, like I regret not finishing Ryker’s CD before he died.

Blizzard, I would love to finish her PDCH! It might be tough to do given the lack of USDAA trials here but I think it is still a possibility.

At this point I’ve put thoughts of Next Dog on hold for a while again. I’m currently enjoying the two dog life, backing away from dog sports again, and doing more non-dog things (even though a lot of it still involves them anyway, like hiking and camping). Plus with us likely moving, me hopefully getting a new job, I think it’s good to just not add another dog to the mix until all that has settled. I won’t say Next Dog is totally out of the question for 2023, but right now it’s unlikely and not something I’m planning to actively pursue.

At some point this year we’re planning to move to Minnesota. No specific timeline yet, but probably summer-ish. It will be incredibly sad to leave Colorado...

I’ll finish school this spring, hopefully find a real adult job in that field (yay..) and not have this schooling be for nothing.

Continue reinforcing and improving my habits for mental and physical health. I’ve been considering getting into bouldering for something different in the physical activity realm, so I’ll probably check that out. Plus the usual hiking and camping. Gotta get out and see some places before we leave! Then have new places to check out when we move.

Hmmm yeah I think that’s it so far. 😂

[calamityandme]

Today has been a day already lol. I went to a OBGYN appointment this morning and it went well.

In my appointment I was asked if I am eating and drinking enough. I was honest and said food has been hard recently (didn’t get too into it because I didn’t want to freak anyone out). I then talked to a social worker at the hospital and she gave me some resources in town.

Resources in hand, I picked my fiancé up from our house and we went to a local organization that provides utility assistance. The employees were really nice and helped answer our questions. Now we’re waiting for a call to see if we need to do anything else/if we’ve been approved.

After that we decided to try a food pantry. I used to go to the food pantry as a kid with my mom. I’ve also been many times as an adult, but it’s been a couple years since I’ve been.

The food pantry I used to go to made themselves primarily a mobile pantry. That isn’t that big of an issue, but because I only have one car between me and my partner it can be hard to access. I might try it again though.

The one I went to today was through the Salvation Army. Yes, the Salvation Army is a terrible organization, but they were to only ones open when we were looking.

We waited an hour to fill out paperwork. I was grateful to be able to wait indoors and not in the heat.

While we were waiting I couldn’t help but overhear a conversation between someone seeking assistance and the volunteer/employee.

“Do y’all have any fans?” The heavyset woman asked. She had a slicked back ponytail. She reminded me of myself.

“No. I’m not sure when we will be getting more,” The woman behind the desk answered.

“My house is really, really hot. Is there anyway I could get a fan?” She asked again. I could hear the desperation in her voice and it made me want to do something. The woman behind the desk shook her head no.

I thought about offering her one of our small, crappy fans we had just been using to cool down our 86 F house. I wanted to say,

“Girl I’m so sorry. We just got our air conditioner fixed and I understand living in a hot house”, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t guarantee my help would be better than what she already had.

The sad truth is also that I may need my shitty fan back. Our house is so much cooler than it was, but it’s still 77 F. It’s only going to get hotter from here. A selfish part of me knew I needed to keep my fans in case we need them.

The heat exhausted woman left. I felt empty.

Finally, we got some food. At some food pantries I’ve been to you get to choose what you get. This was a “you get what you get” sort of deal. Which is fine.

I was excited when I peaked at the four grocery bags from the pantry but decided to look completely when we got home.

Once I started putting food away did I start to feel stupid. Stupid as in, “you deserve what you’re getting for assuming your problems will be fixed with one pantry visit”.

We got a box full of glazed donuts. I was so excited until I picked the box up and noticed it was physically and visibly wet. The donuts leaked on the kitchen table. The expiration date said July 1st. Today is July 11th.

I don’t mind eating expired food but these were inedible. My partner tried microwaving one to give it a taste test. He isn’t usually squeamish with food but he couldn’t even swallow one bite.

Oh well.

The rest of the food was alright. There’s some things I’m very grateful for, like eggs, sausage patties and biscuit mix. Canned fruit cocktail. We also got some frozen catfish fillets! I have never cooked catfish before but my partner is excited to possibly fry it. Those things I’m very excited for.

There were some other things I am kind of bummed over. We got a large bag of frozen blueberries, which I’m glad to have…but we already had frozen blueberries. They happen to also be one of my least favorite fruits lol. Food is good though and beggars can’t be choosers. So now I just have an abundance of blueberries. I’ll have to find a recipe. Maybe blueberry pancakes.

I got a large can of pork from the pantry. I’ll save it in case of emergencies, but canned meat makes me feel so sick.

Picture from online for reference lol.

Now I’m home for the day and I feel like I should be doing more. Even though I’ve done a lot of things already today, I can’t help but feel time slipping through my fingers sitting on this shitty couch.

As I sit, I feel like I should go find another food pantry, hustle around town, anything that could help us survive. But my body is saying stay home.

I’ve talked to too many new people today. I don’t know if I can handle going to any more food pantries and explaining our financial situation over and over to people who have heard worse.

I’m going to fill a bowl, smoke out the window, and maybe try eating some of the new food.

I am excited for the food I can make. Now I could make breakfast sandwiches with the biscuit mix, frozen sausage patties and leftover American cheese slices from the fridge.

I know we will be okay. Every day things slowly get better.

[fortemelody]

growing up a child of divorce and neglect meant a lot of traumatic moments obviously- but for the sake of this post we’re throwing most of that aspect away to talk about a smaller issue that i’ve come to realize holds a lot more weight than i ever thought it would.

my dream as a kid was always to have all of the stuff i collected in one space. dvds, cds, video game consoles, toys, plushies, figures, you name it. and until i was about 13 or 14, the room of the house i was neglected at (dads) felt so absolutely barren becus i didn’t have the chance to really go outside and buy stuff for it, and bringing stuff back and forth (unless it was my fav stuffed animal) felt like such a hassle. hell, i barely even had any clothes there and i wasn’t taught how to do laundry for awhile which made it worse.

what does this have to do with the present day you may ask? well, as of january 15 of this year, i officially gained some courage and moved out of my dads house. however i didn’t start moving any of my things till months later. i got a couple essential items here and there but now that it’s summer i’ve officially started getting more things in bulk from there and moving it over. it’s literally a 5 minute walk so it’s not hard to do at all. but i can’t help but have conflicting emotions from it all. for one, my dream of all my stuff being in a single room/house is finally coming true, and i can collectively look at what i all have together. i didn’t think this would happen till i got a new apartment or house of my own after college (so like… around 22 years old compared to being 17). but on the other hand, i can’t help but feel a bit sad. the layout of each room was unique how it was, and i managed to cultivate a safe space at my dads out of really shitty circumstances. in the span of the 3 years where i gained friends and a sense of direction, i could finally obtain merch and other items that made me happy and put them in my dads house, so it wasn’t some barren wasteland that i dreaded. seeing as though that’s where i spent all my time at that house, it only seemed right for it to look good. slowly stripping this room apart makes me really sad that i was destroying the work i put in to make a good environment for myself. but then comes an even bigger problem. i also have become in those three years a MASSIVE hoarder. and the only way that everything fit was having two spaces. and now i will only have one. i quickly went from a kid who wanted so many new products and toys to help me escape my reality, to an almost adult who bought too many things in an attempt to salvage their inner child. it’s quite the heartbreaking thing to see becus many of the items i have now (unless they’re from a specific person i cherish or already have sentimental value ) don’t really have much meaning on their own anymore and it sucks. i would say that money can buy happiness, but only for a limited amount of time. i deep cleaned out my closet to make room for at least some of the stuff from my dads, and i did manage to get three full garbage bags of things im going to donate to goodwill, so i’m glad that i am giving back in some way. but i’m still astonished that -even after that- how much stuff can pile up and eventually just come to be decoration after thinking it would be the key to your life. yes, i’m still going to collect, especially items you can actually use (physical media), but man it really hits different when you can visualize how many items you actually own. it’s a bit terrifying honestly. nevertheless, i do love the act of actually organizing so that aspect will be fun, and i don’t think it’s all completely bad becus there are a few gems that i’m really proud of owning.

a side story to top this all off- i made the mistake of carrying four huge bags full of clothes yesterday as i walked home in a path where i would see a lot of people. i could’ve waited like a half an hour until my dad was ready to load his car with my stuff, but i was so stubborn and wanted to leave his house ASAP. i had it in my mind the whole time that i probably looked like a homeless child (seeing as though me and my mom see this one homeless guy with 20 bags constantly throughout our neighborhood). shameful needless embarrassment aside, it’s really sad that my own stubbornness is what made me look like an “outcast” by society. my family is not exactly financially stable ourselves, but i obviously have a house as stated. it made me think about how many homeless people really only have their items to keep themselves sane. you come to appreciate what you *do* have becus of that. i really hope i come to a point in my life where i can stop buying things i don’t need so i can give back to others that cherish and need their items so much more. or possibly find a balance of my money- with helping others as my main priority while just buying myself things at certain times of the year. and referring to the root of this story, i hope i can also get to a point where i’m not so fucking stubborn and holding that strong of a grudge that i can tolerate my dad for an extra half an hour. but that’s a whole other story 😭

[boom-bakugou]

Cockwarming Scenarios

A/N: This is for my @bnhabookclub bingo card where I had the prompt ‘Cockwarming!’ enjoy sinners (:<

Pairings: Bakugo x Reader, Kirishima x Reader, Sero x Reader, Dabi x Reader, Hawks x Reader

Warnings: 18+, smut, cockwarming, (also breeding kink and dumbification in hawks’ whoops sorry)

masterlist

-Bakugou normally isn’t one to instigate cockwarming

-It’ll normally be when you’re needy and he’s doing something like paperwork for his hero agency and isn’t saying much but you can tell he’s tired and won’t exactly want to fool around

-But as soon as he realises how wet you are and how much you’re begging for him to touch you he can’t say no to his pretty baby all riled up

“Just come sit here for one second you shitty woman.” He grumbles, pushing his desk chair back ever so slightly after your insistent whining for him to pay attention to you.

He turns the spinning chair to you, his lap open wide and ready for you to sit on to which you happily oblige, sitting your butt down on his crotch for him to just grab your waist tightly.

“Not like that.” Within a brief spin you’re sitting with your chest to his, legs straddling his own as he tucks his chair back under the desk.

“Katsu- come on please.” You whimper, grinding your sopping core against his jeans where you can feel his cock hardening beneath you. With a short ‘hrmph’ you feel his hands slip between the two of you so he can pull his cock out in the open. You grind yourself on his thigh for a few moments as he fists his member at the feeling of you against him.

“Come on then needy girl, slide on my cock.” The smirk on his face is devilish and you slide down your panties from beneath your oversized shirt (which was one of his, just so you could tease him further. You knew how much he loved you in his shirts).

Moaning slowly as you move down his cock for the stimulation of feeling full, you begin to buck your hips against his once you’re down to his hilt- before he grabs your waist tightly; enough to leave spots of bruises.

“Now sit there and be a good fuckin’ girl.” He slides his arms past you, looking over your shoulder as he tries to continue his work despite the feeling of your fleshy walls around him almost made him want to fuck your brains out on his desk right then and there.

“You can’t do this.” You snivel into his shoulder, every small movement you made to try and get yourself off effortless against his iron grip on your side.

“Well baby, good girls don’t beg unless told to.” He makes his point by pulling you up ever so slightly and thrusting into you with a force that makes you crackle out a moan. “And even good-er girls do what they’re fuckin’ told, you got that shitty woman?”

“Yes sir.”

“That’s what I like to hear. Now be quiet or you’re gonna’ regret it princess.”

-Kirishima after sex loves to cockwarm you

-He’s just so tired and loves the warm feeling of being inside you and it makes after sex cuddles just more intimate

“Where do you want me to cum sweetheart? Fuck you’re so fucking tight baby girl.” Kirishima croaks out into your ear, riding out the rest of your orgasm as he chased his.

“M’inside of me Eiji.” You practically drool at the feeling of him convulsing inside of you, gripping onto his flattened hair practically setting him off edge at the stimulation.

After catching his breath, Kirishima’s arms wobble around you from keeping himself pried up above you. You can feel the hot spurts of cum dribble from inside of you and as Kirishima is fully finished, he pulls you against him as he lies down with his cock still firmly inside of you.

“Kiri-“ You whine at the feeling of being so full. You don’t know how much you can take after having so many orgasms pulled out of you. Your clit was so overstimulated and your body was shaking from it but Kirishima held you tightly enough for it to simmer down.

“Come on baby just 5 more minutes.” His mumbles were so sleepy, it was probably going to be way more than 5 minutes. “You just feel so nice around me, like you were made for me princess.”

He presses kisses all over your face, making sure not to miss a single inch before you settled snugly into his chest.

“So beautiful.” Kirishima whispers, moving his hips ever so slightly to nestle into you further. “My fucking beautiful girl huh?”

His toothy grin is enough to make you giggle, his hands slide down your sweat covered bodies to grab your ass tightly. The action makes him twitch inside of you slightly and you gasp at the sudden explicitness of his actions.

“You sure you couldn’t go for a round two baby?”

“I… wouldn’t be opposed to it.”

-Sero loves sleepy cockwarming

-he’s too tired in the morning to fuck you but you’re both hot and bothered but neither of you fully want to be athletic so early; this is your compromise

“Whatchu doing sweetness?” Sero blinks a couple times as you palm him through his boxers, a sleepy grin on your face. “What? You want me inside of you baby?”

You nod slowly, the tiredness in your eyes making your blinks last longer but down below you felt like you could melt. All you wanted was for him to be inside of you so badly.

“C’mere then love.” His morning voice is so croaky as you slide up his torso. He flips you so you’re lying next to him, one leg draped over his waist as he shuffles your pyjamas down your legs before following suit with his own boxers. He pushes his fingers against your folds, gathering slick before teasing against your entrance which makes you buck your hips into his palm.

“So needy aren’t we?” Sero smirks to then press a kiss onto your forehead. He rests his hands to your lower back as he pulls your hips closer to his before slowly sliding himself into you before completely bottoming out “Shit- you’re so warm.”

You happily hum at the feeling of him inside you, the pressure making you roll your hips slightly against him which allowed his cock to move into you more comfortably; in turn hitting your g-spot nicely.

The two of you spent a few more moments lazily grinding against one another before the two of you lost interest in getting each other off and more about you both being so close and whole with one another.

“D’ya want me to pull out of you pretty girl?” Sero slightly cleared his throat to get rid of it’s morning rasp, just as he began to pull away you placed your hand on his shoulder to stop him from moving any further. You curled closer into his chest, letting his arms wrap around you to nestle in together.

“Leave it.” You mumble against his bare chest, barely enough for him to hear you but he easily picked it up due to the proximity of you both. “S’Keepin us warm.”

“Okay pretty girl.” Sero plants a kiss to your hair line, feigning back a yawn. “I’ll keep you warm.”

-DABI ooft that man will use it as a punishment baby

-this is one of his more tame punishments because he can get sadistic, it just depends on how mouthy you’ve been with him that day

“You little slut.” Dabi hisses through his teeth, a warm spank against your ass acting as the punctuation of his words. You’d forgotten how many you’d received but you couldn’t say it wasn’t making you feel so fucking turned on.

“You think you deserve my cock huh?” Another slap to your other ass cheek. “Tell me doll, do you think you fucking deserve it?”

“Yes sir- please I’ll be good.” You whinge, head too dizzy to keep it up after being laid over his lap for god knows how long. You had no effort anymore to keep up the bratty act, all you wanted to do was cum.

“There’s my good whore.” He chuckles, helping you sit up before lying you back down on your shared bed. Hissing when your ass touches the sheets from the sheer amount of beating it had just received. You were just glad to finally get off his lap.

Dabi slid his jeans off, before laying down next to you. Pumping his cock a few times before encouraging you to get on top of him. He smirks at your tired expression as you begin to straddle him sliding down onto his shaft slowly.

You begin to use your bruised thighs to lift yourself up but Dabi ultimately pushes you back down, his other hand reaching for his phone. You look at him with confusion as you try to wiggle around him for any sort of stimulation. You felt like you were on fire with how much you wanted him to just fuck your brains out.

“Nuh uh doll. You’re getting this cock just like you wanted.” He lets out a low laugh, watching as the realisation sets in on your face. “Shame that bratty fucking mouth of yours had to ruin it. How’ds’it feel to be so full of my cock hm?”

You swore you could have screamed as you lay against his chest, one arm behind his head as the other scrolled mindlessly on his device, not even touching you.

“Please sir- I’ll be so good for you, just touch me a little.” With no warning Dabi slams back up into your hips and you let out a lewd moan at the friction inside of you.

“Each time you fucking squirm or complain I’m gonna make it longer. Now shut that whore mouth of yours up or you will regret it.”

-Hawks lives for cockwarming… why?

-because this mans breeding kink is off the scale!!!

-loves cockwarming literally after every time you have sex when you’re trying for kids he fucking loves the feeling of just being left inside of you.

“Fuck baby bird you feel so fucking good around my cock.” Hawks’ shuddering moans mixed with your own filled the room with explicit ecstasy. “M’gonna fill you up with so much cum baby, you want that huh? Want me to fill you up with my cum?”

“Yes Hawks fuck- please m’need it so bad.” You weep at the feeling of his balls slapping against you harshly. It only spurred him on to cum so deep inside of you.

“Fuck. This cunt was made for me babe.” Hawks bit his tongue at the feeling of you tightening around him, threatening to reach your high also. “I’m gonna ruin that pretty pussy with my cum you got that?”

You moaned at his lewd words, babbling out ‘yeses’ and anything else that was in any way affirmative to getting you any closer to euphoria, Hawks couldn’t help but chuckle at your state.

“Look at my baby bird.” He pulls out far and plunges deep into you, hitting just the right spot. “I love it when you get so needy you turn dumb baby, fuck you stupid because all you want is my cum, yeah?”

With his filthy words you let out a raspy moan as you came undone around his cock. It only took a few more thrusts before he too climaxed inside of you, fucking his cum right back into your entrance. Pulling you into him with his wings as added leverage he pulled you to lay next to him, cock still firmly thrusted into you.

“Keigo aren’t you going to-“

“Come on baby bird, you know the rules.” He kissed your forehead, using little feathers to pull the hair back from your face ever so gently so he could look into your eyes. “Gonna keep my cock nice and warm inside of you to fuck my cum into you huh? Ain’t that right?’

[heythere-mel]

Late

Frankie Morales x f!reader

W/C: <900

Warnings: mild language, mutual pining, fluff 🤍

Summary: When you have trouble getting to sleep one night, you give your favorite person a call.

A/N: This is just the result of my rather restless night. Enjoy bbys 💜

——-

Hey, you up?

This was dumb. Of course he wasn’t up. It’s after 1AM. You should’ve just shut your eyes and willed yourself to fall asleep but it was so much easier said than done at this point.

Not a very sexy start to a late night booty call but I’ll take it.

He always knew how to make you laugh.

Shut up Frankie. I can’t sleep.

Your phone instantly lights up with his contact photo. “Okay, now give me serious,” you remember telling him. This being the end result.

“Frankie you didn’t have to call me.”

“Nahhh, I’m not doing anything else. Who needs sleep anyway?”

“You do old man!”

“Uhhh, if it weren’t for this old man and his own shitty sleeping patterns you’d be talking to yourself again so, you’re welcome.”

“Ha ha, thanks I guess.”

“Háblame. How was your day hermosa?”

No matter how many times he said it, that nickname always gave you butterflies.

“It was alright. Finally finished up some reports for that big meeting in a few days. Maybe that’s why I can’t sleep. Too much on my mind.”

“Oh you don’t need to worry about it. You’ll knock them on their asses! And then we’ll go for drinks after. My treat!”

“You’re my number one cheerleader you know that?”

“Always!”

“It’s too late to talk about work, how was your day?”

“It was surprisingly good. Finally booked a full weekend of tours now that the weather is decent.”

“Oh that’s awesome Frankie! You still gotta take me up there one day. I mean, I might pass out from being so goddamn high in the air but-“

Frankie’s boisterous laugh brings a smile to your face. You could picture him all cozy in bed right now, that wide grin stretching across his features, eyes almost completely shut out of pure joy. It was one of your favorite sights and sounds in the world.

“I won’t let that happen. You know you’re always safe with me…”

“Yeah, I know.” a soft sigh escapes your lips as your mind wanders off.

“Oh! I stopped by my moms today. She had my abuela over for a bit. Just had to catch up on all the chisme, give me shit, the usual. They asked how you were and when you wanted to do bingo night again?”

“Awww I love those two!” Frankie beams on the other end at that remark. “I think I’m free next weekend but I’ll give ‘em a call. Oh, and what do you mean give you shit?”

——-

“Francisco! When are you gonna man up and ask that pretty little friend of yours out?”

Frankie chokes on the water he just poured.

His mother laughing in the background at the complete shock on her sons face, knowing he definitely didn’t see THAT coming.

“What do you mean?” his voice cracking like a prepubescent boy.

“Mijo! Don’t act like I don’t notice how you stare at her. I’m surprised you haven’t given her ojo! Just ask her out! I like her! And I don’t like just anyone! Plus,” she beckons him closer so she can whisper in his ear, “a little birdie told me she felt the same way.”

——-

Shit. I should’ve just kept my mouth shut. Taking after his call sign, he looks like a true fish out of water gaping at your question.

“Oh, you know how they are, asking about my work, if I’ve met anyone special, things like that...”

“Well…”

“Well…”

“Have you met anyone special?”

Frankie goes quiet. He’s so glad he opted to just call. If you had seen the deep tint of red across his face right now, his little secret would definitely be out. You. It’s always been you.

“I-I may have been wanting to ask a certain someone out on a proper date.”

“What? 1AM “booty calls” not your style?” you teased, hearing him lightly chuckle on the other end. “I’m certain she’d say yes. She’d be stupid not to…”

You sigh deeply. Exhaustion finally starting to pull at you. Perhaps this was all you needed to get to sleep. Just hearing your favorite persons voice at the end of the day. He listens tentatively on the other end. Imagining you all curled up, possibly in one of his old tshirts you took because they were quote “so damn comfy.”

“Frankie?”

“I’m here hermosa.”

“¿Qué estás pensando?”

He smiles tiredly into the phone. His own wares of the day catching up to him.

“Oh, nothing. Just, how I’m gonna ask a certain sleepyhead out.” The line is quiet, he wonders if you heard him, but the shallow breathing from your end gives him the answer to his question.

“I’ll ask you tomorrow. Sleep tight hermosa, love you..” that last part trailing off.

“Love you too…” you murmur.

The call ends and Frankie can’t help but feel like a teenager again. His heart nearly beating out of his chest. Falling asleep with his dream girl on the phone, the promise of her saying yes to a date with him just mere hours away. Sweet sleep finally takes him as well, for once completely thankful of his insomnia and nosy family.