#I’m personally so ready for her single era

[plainsimpletaylor]

Taylor Swift’s single era on Midnights, a lyric analysis

Here’s the thing: I think Taylor Swift has been in her single era for the past few months and she’s already told us about it on Midnights. Here’s an exploration of this theme on the album. (This is a long post but worth it.)

Dear Reader

Let’s start with Dear Reader because the outro is screaming that she’s single. The way Taylor Swift uses her own motifs that she’s been building across her entire career to really hammer this message home that she is alone just destroys me.

To Taylor, going home is going home to a lover. It’s the physical act of making a house a home. It is this gentle, comforting, cozy kind of love. Her specifying that she’s going a house instead of a home underlines that she’s alone. She is physically in a house, but she is not emotionally at home. And no one would take her word for it because her being alone is counter to the public narrative of her six-year relationship.

And just in case she wasn’t clear enough already, she emphasizes that she’s alone yet again by bringing in another of her motifs: that love is a game.

She is no longer playing a two-player game. She’s playing solitaire, which says in the name of the game itself how solitary it is. And then, to underscore this even further, absolutely no one is watching and seeing her play this game. (I have so many more thoughts on this lyric alone, but to avoid tangents here, I’ll write a different post to discuss that further at some point.)

So, with these two lyrics, she has established and emphasized several different ways that she’s alone. She’s single.

Now, let’s look at the lyric in between the two above. This is describing her feeling trapped in her own house. Here’s where Eras Tour visuals come in to align with this song.

‼️ Spoiler warning for eras tour visuals

Going “home” to Taylor has a specific meaning but so does a “house” because of the Lover House that represents her entire body of work so far. The Lover House is the house that Taylor built (or bought with the songs she wrote as she says in the Miss Americana documentary). It’s very significant that she is literally burning down the Lover House every single night at tour, and this lyric in Dear Reader gives more context to this visual.

In Dear Reader, the house is trapping her. Across all her work, Taylor has written over and over about cages and fences and boxes to evoke the feeling of being trapped. I find the use of the word “pen” here to be a very specific choice. "Pen” both means a physical pen locking something away as well as a writing instrument. She feels trapped inside this house that she built with her own writing.

I don’t think she resents her past work — but the narrative the public has created for her from it. Her early work is characterized by fairytale romances and idealizing the idea of marriage as a happy ending. And now, so many people keep expecting her to get married and have kids and retire so she can live out that narrative in real life. But as seen in other songs on Midnights like Lavender Haze, she’s decided that life isn’t for her.

So, she is burning down the Lover House, which represents the pen she feels trapped in, in order to be freed of the expectations the public has for her and have more control of her own public image and narrative.

Lavender Haze

The idea of feeling boxed in or trapped by societal roles and the public’s expectations is exemplified in Lavender Haze.

Her history is the Lover House and her career and the muses people assign to all of those songs. This is also her history of having written about an idealized version of marriage as a picture perfect happy ending. That is the standard to which a lot of the public is holding her to well over a decade later.

And now, she’s telling the public that she no longer wants that idea of marriage or that kind of happy ending. The lyric above is a critique of the entire societal standard that still categorizes women into two distinct boxes: either you’re the femme fatale temptress or the doting housewife. And she’d rather talk about anything else than whether or not she’ll get married.

She’s damned, or trapped, if she cares about the public’s expectations. She’ll be shoved into one of those two boxes: the temptress that can’t ever hold down a man or a doting housewife that’s expected to retire from her highly successful career in order to have children and that perfect happy ending.

And she especially does not want to be the housewife type figure. She directly says that doesn’t want that 1950s shit. It’s clear to me from this song that she wants to be successful in her career and just be herself without having all these expectations and gender roles forced upon her.

Lavender Haze is all about rejecting the traditional idea of marriage and charting her own path in life that’s outside of the public’s expectations. And the music video’s visuals support this, especially when the last shot is of her alone and seemingly happy without a lover.

This theme of rejecting the narrative that the public wants for her exists throughout Midnights because the album is about nights across her life, and her entire life has been shaped by her relationship with fame.

Midnight Rain

Obviously, the song that most directly echoes Lavender Haze in terms of rejecting the idea of marriage is Midnight Rain.

I don’t think Midnight Rain is about a recent time in her life, but she still chose to include a song about this on the album to further contribute to this theme of taking her narrative into her own hands. Midnight Rain positions Taylor as a complete opposite to the lover in the song — and by extension her career as opposite to that idealized fairytale happy ending type of romance.

Bejeweled

The entirety of Bejeweled sounds like it’s reflecting on a break up and getting back out there afterward. But for being in her single era, this one lyric stands out. And if you change the punctuation in “I don’t remember,” it can have two different meanings.

“I don’t remember” = whether or not she has a man is so unimportant she doesn’t remember for sure if she does or not

“I don’t, remember?” = I don’t have a man, why don’t you remember that?

The Bejeweled music video is also directly countering the fairytale happy ending romance. It’s a retelling of Cinderella where she ends up happy and alone. She literally turns down a proposal from the prince so that she can have her castle she won with her talent all to herself with her dragons/cats. That’s very single era to me.

You’re On Your Own, Kid

YOYOK is basically a pep talk she’s giving to her self about how she’s always been alone and how she can still be okay being alone. (cw: ed mention)

This specific lyric gets me because it’s once again a rejection of that idealized fairytale happy ending. Romance isn’t going to suddenly heal her like in the stories because real life isn’t a fairytale. Perfect magical kisses don’t exist.

At the end of the song, she realizes she’s always been alone and that’s a source of comfort. She’s always had the tools to handle whatever life throws at her all on her own.

Taylor Swift is in her single era, and that’s okay!

I realize after writing all this out that it sounds like she’s sad in being single, but I don’t think she is. Every single one of these songs, aside from Dear Reader, has an upbeat note to it in the production and melody as well as some of the lyrics. Dear Reader can come back around to being upbeat with the Eras Tour visuals of her burning down the Lover House and being freed from everyone’s expectations.

Each and every piece of this is an example of her reclaiming her narrative for herself — and working to define her career not by any of her relationships or the public’s expectations, but by what she wants and her talent and her artistry. She wants to stand alone and proud on her own. That is definitely a happy thing.

[fushitoru]

chapter 1: the debutante a bridgerton!au

pairing ⸺ duke!satoru gojo x fem!reader

summary ⸺ dearest gentle reader, a new season is upon us as the ton gets ready for a season filled with drama, heartbreak, and passion. after being crowned diamond of the season, heir to a dukedom mr. satoru gojo⸺only looking to marry just to secure his inheritance⸺has his sights set on you, the easiest (and most obvious) option. later, when you catch his saying unsavory things about you on a terrace when he least suspected it, you swear to never marry gojo. as london's fashionable set goes through yet another wedding season, will there be hope for scandalous gossip, hate, and thinly veiled insults, or will we witness blooming love and passion?

warnings ⸺ nsfw, enemies to lovers, bridgerton au, angst, fluff, eventual smut, jealousy, misogyny, regency era au, gojo being infuriating, reader also being infuriating, both of them are clueless honestly

chapter summary ⸺ you begin to get ready for your presentation for your debut this season, and satoru steels himself to find a wife. you don't get the reception you'd wanted from some, and satoru will soon curse himself for letting his tongue loose (6.3k)

a/n tired of keeping this in the vault lol so I’ll just post it even if my perfectionist tendencies are screaming at me. thank you so much to @/sinn-clair for beta reading and lexi (@/ayyy-pee) for helping me brainstorm 💗

next. the aftermath

general masterlist | series masterlist

Dearest reader,

Another season comes as the ton descends to London yet again from the countryside. Young ladies and their mamas flock to the modiste in an effort to fluff their feathers to find a match.

The Itadoris are by far one of the most prolific families in the upper echelons of society. The sight of all the children at once⸺Miss Itadori, Lord Choso Itadori, and Mister Yuji Itadori⸺is enough to catch the attention of mamas and young suitors alike. Miss Itadori, making her debut this season, has much to be desired. The debutante is a meek and demure girl, but with many talents indeed. The oldest, Lord Itadori, has a quiet countenance that has ladies and mamas on their toes, counting the days until he finally joins the marriage market. Mister Yuji Itadori is quite the opposite; his physical prowess on horseback riding has had quite a few ladies swooning after.

Furthermore, the heir to the Duke of Gojo is a most interesting character.  Although he has not deigned to find a wife during any season yet, This Author has heard whispers that he will be looking for a bride during this one.  

Lady Mei Mei can certainly be expected to be on the prowl, waiting to sink her teeth into the wealthiest….

⸻ LADY WHISTLEDOWN’S SOCIETY PAPERS

“Seriously?” Choso scrunched his nose in displeasure. “Why would ladies want someone who’s quiet? I use it to convey my displeasure, not to be charming.”

On the other hand, the other brother relaxed on the opposite couch, proud. “I knew I looked good on horseback,” Yuji remarked smugly. “You and my dear sister are clearly jealous of how appealing my muscles look while I’m grabbing the reins.”

“Those ladies clearly hadn’t seen you drop yourself in dung when you were younger. Or the face you make when you are so oddly concentrated. As if you just stepped into a chamber pot.”

Before Yuji could come up with a snide remark to his older brother, the two heard an incessant pacing leading up to the doors of the drawing room they sat in. The door slammed opened to reveal their mother⸺Lady Itadori⸺with a hand to her face in clear distress.

Choso and Yuji exchanged glances before Choso calmly set down the single-page newspaper he was reading. “What is the matter, mother?”

Lady Itadori moaned and sat down on a chair raggedly. “Your sister is the matter. I fear the queen will have reviewed every person in London before your sister leaves her room.”

Before Choso could get a word in, Yuji suddenly stood up. “This is a serious matter, mother. After all, she should be punctual to her debut. I will go fetch her.”

“Wait, Yuji!” Choso and Lady Itadori followed Yuji to the grand staircase of the Itadori manor. Hurriedly, they reached the foot of the stairs to see Yuji tilting his head back to take a deep breath.

“SISTER!” Yuji had his palms up to his face, as if to amplify his already booming scream. “YOU! MUST! MAKE! HASTE!” After the quite of bit noise he'd made, he cleared his throat, looking to the side to see his dumbfounded mother and brother, and shrugged. “Well, someone’s got to the job.”

Then, the brothers and their mother look up to see a peek of white and a “Miss, be careful with the hem!” You, at the top of the staircase, grab the front of your ivory dress, with your maids helping you with the train, as you start stepping down the staircase with an irritated frown. “Must you always be such a nuisance, brother?” Traversing down the stairs until your family members were visible, all you saw were dumbfounded and tense expressions. After enduring hours of painting your face and dealing with your maid Nobara’s fussing over your coiffure, you wished for a more fond reaction. Annoyed, you stomped your way past them to the exit, where the carriage was waiting for you four.

“Dear!” your mother exclaimed, rushing to your side and taking your hand as you reached the door. Her eyes, filled with concern, met yours as she nervously asked, “How are you feeling? I know this is a momentous day for you, but remember, you’ve always excelled in your lessons. It’s only natural that you’ll win the queen’s approval, dear.”

“Yes, Mother, of course,” you sighed. “It is just such a hectic day.”

“But you shall dazzle them.” Choso comes behind you, patting your back gently in his reassuring, elderly brother ways. With a proud smile, he says, “The gentlemen are not prepared for your entrance this season.” 

“Indeed! They will be none the wiser to your snark, sister.” You see Yuji coming up on your other side, offering his elbow. You tentatively take it, eyeing him sourly as he continues, “I am simply elated that Mama’s attention will be on you, rather me.”

You reach to smack him on the head, eliciting an "Ow!" from Yuji just as your mother approaches next to him, frowning. "Of course, Yuji. But it won’t be long before I have to chase after you for your tutor’s complaints about your lack of proficiency⸺"

Yuji interjects hastily. "Well! Would you look at the time? The Queen is waiting!" 

"I'm surprised the gossip pamphlet didn't mention how much of a rake you are," Lord Geto mused, taking a sip of brandy. At his right, Duke Nanami was stoic as always, focusing on the tastes the gin was bringing to his mouth rather than  the two older men beside him.

"I'm severely offended you would even imply such a thing," Mister Satoru Gojo put a hand on his chest, feigning offense. Rather than a gin in his hand, Satoru preferred drinking water lest his mouth spilled something even more notorious than his signature calculative icy blue eyes.

He continued. "Honestly, I don't understand this whole Whistledown business. Some might even say the ton holds her words more in regards than the Holy Bible!"

"You're diverting the matter at hand, Gojo," Nanami took his tired eyes off of his drink to look at Satoru. "As the heir and first son, have your parents not urged you to cease your foolishness? There is a limit to the rakish behavior one can exhibit in your position.”

"Yes," Satoru sighed, "They have. That's precisely why I'm looking for a bride."

There was a silence in which Satoru looked up from his glass to see Kento and Suguru’s mouths agape. "What?"

Suguru leaned closer to Satoru, as if to inspect his countenance unsure if he was jesting or not. "So, is it actually true? You're going to get tied down?"

Nanami wrinkled his nose in disapproval. "Must you say it like that? Marriage isn't imprisonment, you know."

Gojo sighed. "Nanami, Nanami. It's clear that one year that separates us in age has also left a gap in experience." Nanami felt a vein pop as Satoru irritatedly continued in his know-it-all voice. "Marriage is an end. The dead end, in fact. It is when you are abroad in Paris, basking in all the fine entertainment and wooing ladies until you realize you are out of funds. Out of money. Marriage is coming home not to go out and drink, but to a wife that has endless needs of you and children that will have frustrating phases of life. An end to pleasure and an end of all jest."

Kento and Suguru exchanged a glance before Suguru asked, "So why are you looking for a wife?"

Satoru looked dejectedly at them, crossing his arms. "My parents insisted. Said they would freeze my funds and kick me out if I didn't get serious about my future." He continued on his desperate rambling, leaning back in his chair. "I don't understand. Must I have a wife to "get serious" in life? I’m serious about all the fucking mergers and dubious finances my father invests in! Look how well I managed his bets!"

"You know, Satoru, your outlook on marriage is awfully pessimistic," Suguru put down his glass to lean back as well, crossing his arms in seriousness. "Don't you wish for a love match?"

"That sounds ridiculous. Love matches are just a passing fancy young ladies have when reading their ridiculous romance novels."

"Well, of course you think that." Kento deadpanned. "No respectable lady in their right mind would fall for you and your attitude."

"Nanami, you wound me."

Suguru glanced at Satoru with concern. "My dear friend, you are making this harder for yourself than it ought to be."

Satoru groaned. "I came here for jest, not to receive words of so-called wisdom. I assure you both, all is well." He looked at both of his friends. "I do not need to be assured. I simply am looking for a woman fine enough to be my wife to appease my parents and their concerns of continuing on the line and handling the dukedom but for a woman so reserved that she'd respect my wishes and isn't so miserable. Or needy." Satoru shrugged. "I would believe these to be respectable requirements for a wife."

Suguru looked at him with mild displeasure. "It sounds like you are looking for a horse to ride, not a woman you would spend the rest of your life with."

Standing up, Satoru moved behind Kento and Suguru to give them a hearty slap on the back. "Trust me, my dear, dear friends. I will find what I am looking for and drink myself silly for the rest of my life!"

"You don't drink." Kento sighed.

"Never mind, you! Sir, more drinks!" Satoru grinned. "Here's to the bachelor life!"

The three men raised their glasses for the toast. Yet, only one of them contained thin water.

You restlessly arranged the feathers in your coiffure and adjusted the fabric essentially squeezing the breath out of your lungs to accentuate your bust. The palace waiting room was stuffy as ever as debutantes and their mamas fluttered across the room in an effort to catch the smallest of flaws on their person.

Before the Queen did, that is.

"Your feathers are fine, dear. Take deep breaths for me." Your mother raised her hands, prompting you to take a breath in and out as her hands lowered.

You gave her your practiced smile and curtsy to which your mother laid a hand on the small of your back in both approval and reassurance. With the other, she grabbed your own and rubbed comforting circles in the junction of your index finger and your thumb. "You have always excelled in your lessons, my dear. I could not be prouder of the woman you are becoming." She sniffed, and you smiled in appreciation. "The Queen will love you, I am sure of it."

You laughed. "Mama, that is what all these ladies think."

“But none of these ladies have poured in the determination you have, my dear.” Your mother holds your head gently by the cheeks. “Your character and proficiency⸺I am sure the Queen will see the promising young lady that I am proud to call my daughter.”

You felt a lump in your throat. While you appreciated your mother’s words, you could not help but think of the significance of this day. You almost felt dizzy thinking about messing up in front of the Queen; if you didn't find a suitable match as a result, what would become of you? 

Suddenly, there was some fanfare from the main room. "Now, presenting Miss Itadori and the Right Honourable Lady Itadori." Your heart jumped out of your throat as you heard the call for you and your mother to walk up. 

"Let's go, my dear." With a fond kiss to your temple, your mother led you by the hand to the center of the tall and ornate doors that opened to reveal the Queen and her audience. You couldn't help but notice that your mother's hand held a reassuring, yet tight vice. 

When the doors opened, your vision blurred. Your heartbeat got faster, and all you could register was the stares. What felt like a million pairs of eyes blinking upon you, scanning your coiffure, garments, and carefully painted face. While the gossiping widows and mamas whispered amongst themselves, some gentlemen scanned you up and down in clear assessment of your constitution. A distinct smell of tobacco and vanilla wafted through the air, and you took an imperceptible breath in as you steeled yourself before putting your practiced, signature smile. 

A memory from your childhood flashed before you.

"She is excelling in her studies," your tutor had said, discussing your performance with your mother in the drawing room. You, sitting beside them, had fidgeted nervously with your small hands clasped in your lap, sitting as straight as you could manage.

"What must she do to improve?" your mother inquired, her eyes sharp with concern.

"Madame," your tutor had said, turning his gaze towards you with a knowing look. "Your daughter is quite nearly flawless. She is of my most exceptional students; her obedience and composure are unparalleled, even at such a tender age." He then fixed his eyes back on your mother with an authoritative intensity. "But there is one element that will truly distinguish her as a diamond."

Your mother had leaned forward, abandoning her tea in anticipation. "What is it?"

"Her smile."

As you flash your smile to the room, you could feel the people in the room going silent. Your smile was what helped you focus and keep your eyes on the prize: impressing the queen. Smiling in the most innocent and demure way you could possibly muster, you straighten your posture as you advance towards the queen, your eyes serene and your expression a masterful display of delicate charm.

The stares of the ton were on your back, but all you focused on was the harmony of your countenance. Chin up, you reminded yourself. Everyone in this room is my prey, and I am the predator. 

When you and your mother reached the foot of the Queen's throne, you dipped into the deepest curtsy you had to offer, keeping your eyes on the ground as you minimized your smile to a more polite and respectful one. You stayed there for as long as the Queen was silent.

Then, a rustling of fabric as the room silently gasped. The Queen was stepping towards you, and you felt a gloved hand take your chin. Not daring to breathe or rise from your genuflection by even an inch, you forced your body to stay in position as your face was raised to look at the Queen’s.

Her booming, yet regal, voice echoed throughout the room. “You, my dear. Perfect.” She then addressed the room. “I have found my diamond!”

The declaration sent a wave of murmurs through the gathered crowd. You could feel hundreds of eyes on you as you slowly rose from your curtsy, your heart pounding in your chest. Your eyes instinctively sought your mother’s, who looked at you with pride and a hint of warning.

“Keep smiling, my dear,” she whispers into your ear. “They are staring now, more than ever.”

Your mother was right, upon reflection. There were eyes observing you far more diligently than they had before. In particular, a pair of icy and brilliant blue ones. 

“Choso, not today.” Your mother sighed. “I am not ignorant of your overprotective tendencies, especially towards your younger sister and brother.”

Choso was fully frowning in displeasure, arms crossed as he observed your mother, Yuji, and yourself board the carriage. “Mother. Sister is the diamond of the season. The men will be after her like hungry vultures!”

“Well, vultures have a tendency to eat freshly decayed carrion. When you get rid of those dark circles and don’t look like dead meat, you can join us.”

Choso protested further, stopping the doorman from closing the carriage door. “But, Mother⸺”

“Yuji, close the door. Your brother will join us when learns to get sleep and not work on those ledgers overnight.” As per your mother’s instructions, Yuji closes the door on him. As the carriage rolls out of your manor and into the London streets, you blow a mocking kiss to your brother, who is now brewing at the doorstep.

“Phew! Good riddance,” Your mother fanned herself. “I need this night with you, alone. God knows how many suitors will be warded off with that horrid glare of his.”

You laughed softly, leaning back against the plush cushions of the carriage. “I suppose it’s a small price to pay for a bit of peace.”

You and your mother were wrong; your brother should have been there. 

Upon your arrival, you were followed by stares, whispers, and men. Bachelors appeared in droves, eager to engage in conversation, each drawn by your newly anointed title as the diamond of the season. After paying your respects to the Queen, you found yourself swept into a whirlwind of attention, each dance and conversation a testament to the allure your status had brought.

As you navigated the crowd with practiced grace, Yuji, ever the observant and cheeky sibling, leaned in close to you and murmured, “I must say, you’ve outdone yourself. They’re practically circling like hawks. Do you think we’ll need to hire a guard just to keep them at bay?”

You gave him a wry smile, barely concealing your exasperation. “Oh, Yuji, you’re so dramatic. They’re just eager to make their introductions.”

Yuji snickered and nodded towards a particularly earnest-looking gentleman who seemed to be making a concerted effort to catch your attention. “Well, if this is what the season looks like, I might have to prepare myself for a front-row seat to a parade of besotted suitors. Just don’t let them all think you’re here to catch them; we wouldn’t want them getting the wrong idea.”

Your mother, overhearing Yuji’s jest, gave a light laugh and shook her head. “Oh, Yuji, you and your theatrics. Just make sure you’re ready to fend off any advances that come your way.”

“What?” You’ve never seen Yuji’s smile drop so fast. As if on cue, there were mamas and maidens closer to Yuji’s age that were approaching, as if a pack, and he looked at you in panic. “Are they coming towards us? Sister, you’ve got to⸺”

“Mister Itadori,” It appeared it was too late. A pack of young ladies were right next to you, fluttering their fans and lashes and giggling. “Whistledown has praised you quite well in this last issue.”

Help, Yuji mouthed, but you merely winked in response. The young ladies had effectively formed a barrier around you, offering a temporary reprieve from the throng of eager suitors. Sensing an opportunity, you decided to seize the moment and discreetly made your way towards the punch table.  

The cool, refreshing scent of the punch greeted you as you approached, offering a welcome contrast to the bustling, heated atmosphere of the ballroom. You filled a glass with the fruity, aromatic beverage and took a moment to savor the brief solitude.As soon as you took a deep breath in, savoring your newfound freedom, you felt a presence next to you at the punch table. “Miss Itadori.”

Upon turning, you were met with the infallible smirk of Naoya Zen’in. You had indeed heard⸺and read, in Whistledown⸺that his family adopted nontraditional ways of determining the winner of the family inheritance and leadership. While Lord Zen’in wasn’t guaranteed to be the heir, he definitely was one of the top contenders. You assessed him further, taking in his arrogant demeanor as he reached down to give you a kiss on your hand. Rather wet, you thought in disgust.  

But you hid it well, fluttering your lashes up at him. “Mister Zen’in! I am flattered to be acquainted with you today. How do you find today’s ball?”

“Rather well, of course.” He reached to scoop some punch for himself. “I enjoy meeting all the young ladies and dancing with them, of course. Ever in search of my perfect bride.”

You forced an artificial giggle. “Of course. I’m sure all the ladies that have talked to you have been charmed, as am I.”

He swelled, exactly you expected, as you stroked his ego. “But none of these ladies are as valuable as you, my diamond.” To your displeasure, he took a step closer to you, discreetly tracing his finger from your upper arm to where your dance card resided. “May I have your next dance? I have been perfecting my dance skill to the point all my brothers are envious of my prowess!” He barked out a laugh. “In fact, I beat them in horse riding years ago, and…”  

While Naoya kept talking, you merely fluttered your fan over your face in mock interest. You were really starting to mourn your short-founded freedom, wanting a respite from the self obsessed young man. For some reason, you could smell the same distinctive perfume of expensive tobacco and painfully sweet vanilla you had smelled in your presentation, like a warning. Realizing you were drifting off into space with the heady fragrance, you made sure to tune into his ramblings once more.

For some reason⸺that you were growing to find uncomfortable⸺he still had his hand on your dance card. You felt the previously faint aroma growing stronger by the second. “Of course, I am soon to be the heir of the Zen’in name⸺”

A flamboyant and mischievous laugh cut through the air. “Naoya, you amuse me.” To your alarm, a young man steps to the right of you. From what you can see on the side of his face, his head sports brilliant white hair and his eyes are focused on the bachelor in front of you, who is now displeased and openly glaring at the man beside you.

“Gojo, I⸺”

“Funny that you talk about the Zen’in inheritance, Naoya.” The man⸺Gojo⸺scratched his chin in faux puzzlement while cockily smiling. “Last time I checked, Naobito was discussing handing it over to Megumi over pall-mall!”

Naoya was clearly growing more and more distressed. “Father wouldn’t dare to hand that child with a whore of a mother⸺”

Gojo clicked his tongue, outwardly showing a nonchalant smile, but you could noticeably see his eyes darken. “That’s no way to talk in front of a lady, Naoya, and certainly not of a mother. Besides, Mister Zen’in, didn’t Megumi save your family from the edge of poverty?”

Naoya’s nostrils flared. Clearly at the end of his wit, he did a small bow towards you as he swiftly exited your proximity. You blinked, partially processing the conversation that happened as well as the fact that you were now alone with this Gojo. Turning, you prepared your signature smile, the act you had been presenting for countless of young bachelors today. However, what made you stop in your tracks was his eyes.

Even the pure Englishmen you had met in London didn’t possess eyes like his. They were intense and vividly blue, flashing with judgment and calculation. His face, though strikingly pretty and slightly more feminine than others, seemed carefully constructed to mask his true thoughts. His white lashes contrasted sharply with his hair as he blinked.

And then it hit you. This was the heir of the Gojo dukedom, Satoru Gojo. Known as a capital R Rake for reasons unknown to you (Nobara just insisted he was), you could see elegance and arrogance exuding off of him, yet another noble with an ego as big as his wallet. You recall, then, what Whistledown had wrote about him⸺that he has never shown interest in marriage before today.

It was only after he blinked once more that you realized he was waiting for some response to an introuction you didn't catch. In a panicked flurry, you curtsied and said, “My apologies, Mister Gojo. I fear I haven’t had the pleasure of making your acquaintance. Miss Itadori, pleased to meet you.”

Gojo’s smile widened, his blue eyes twinkling with an almost imperceptible amusement. “A pleasure indeed, Miss Itadori.” He returned your curtsy with an elegant nod, his voice smooth and teasing. “I must say, you handle yourself with admirable grace amidst such a tumultuous crowd, my diamond.”

“Thank you, Mr. Gojo,” you replied, attempting to regain your composure as you took a sip of your punch. “I do try my best to navigate these social minefields.”

He chuckled softly, the sound light and charming. “Indeed. Though it seems you’ve had quite the evening already, judging by your rapid responses to Lord Zen’in’s advances.”

You raised an eyebrow, trying to draw a hint of a smile on your lips. “It appears you’ve been observing closely. Are you always so keenly aware of your surroundings, Mister Gojo?”

“Only when I find the scene particularly entertaining,” he said, his gaze shifting to watch the guests around the ballroom. “And tonight, the spectacle is quite extraordinary. I must admit, you are a refreshing change from the usual parade of predictable manners.”

“Predictable?” you asked, your curiosity somewhat piqued. “Do you find most of the guests here lacking in originality?”

“Perhaps not lacking, but certainly not as intriguing,” he replied with a playful grin. “Take, for instance, Mister Zen’in. A man of considerable ambition, no doubt, but with a flair for the dramatic that grows tiresome rather quickly.”

You nodded in agreement. “Yes, he certainly has a penchant for self-promotion. But then, one could argue that every gentleman here has his own brand of theatrics.”

“True,” Gojo said, tilting his head slightly. “But what I find most fascinating is how you’ve managed to stand out amidst this display of pomp and circumstance. It’s not every day one encounters someone who seems so effortlessly poised, even in the face of such overt competition.”

“Flattery will get you everywhere, Mister Gojo,” you said with a light laugh. “But I assure you, my composure is a carefully cultivated skill, not merely a natural state.”

“Ah, then I must commend your efforts,” Gojo said, his eyes gleaming. “It is a rare talent to maintain such grace under pressure. If I may be so bold, might I request the honor of a dance with you this evening? I promise to provide a diversion from the usual pretenses.”

You hesitated for a moment, weighing the potential benefits of engaging further with this intriguing man against the immediate demands of the evening. Finally, you offered him a meek smile. "Of course. I shall be delighted to dance this waltz with you."

Pleased, he guided you to the center of the ballroom, your hand elegantly placed in his. You couldn’t help but feel a sense of triumph as you noticed Lady Mei Mei’s envious glances and the heated stares from other young ladies.

Gojo positioned his hand on your waist as you both assumed the proper stance for the dance. “So, how are you enjoying your night? I trust you’re finding pleasure amidst the horde of suitors the Queen has so graciously provided.”

You smiled demurely, carefully maneuvering around him. “Well, my lord, I am very grateful to the Queen for her blessing this season.” You took a delicate step, noting Gojo’s amused smile. “However, it is quite tiring to meet so many people. Repeating my preferences for the countryside or the city can become rather exhausting.”

Gojo’s smile widened as he guided you through a graceful turn. “And which do you prefer?”

“I would argue that the city is preferable when I feel lonely,” you said, gliding with him. “Yet the countryside is ideal for moments of solitude and reflection. Naturally, it also serves as a lovely setting for fond memories with a future husband.”

“What do you enjoy doing in nature?”.

“Embroidering or practicing the pianoforte,” you replied, making sure to display a wistful smile. “There is something particularly enchanting about playing the piano with the door open, letting nature's melody blend with the music.”

“Do you have any other talents or skills?” Gojo inquired as you both continued your dance.

“Yes,” you said, “I am fond of reading and immersing myself in literature. I also have a passion for the arts and languages.”

“Which languages do you speak?” he asked, guiding you through a series of intricate steps.

“I am well-versed in the classics⸺Latin and Greek. I’ve also picked up some French and Spanish, when I was yearning to follow my older brother through Europe for years.”

“What about literature? What do you enjoy reading?” Gojo pressed, his eyes never leaving yours.

Your smile grew slightly strained as you felt the conversation veer towards an uncomfortable territory. You felt as if the duke was interviewing you for review of your admission into an academic institution rather than holding conversation. “I enjoy Byron, sir,” you said carefully.

Gojo hummed in approval. “And here I was, thinking all ladies were engrossed in Whistledown.”

“Ah, well,” you feigned a sigh, your smile tight. “Gossip has its charm for a lady, sometimes.”

“For men, too, I must admit,” Gojo said, tilting his head towards his group of friends. “But I must confess, it is rather unpleasant when the gossip circulates that I am a rake.”

That's because they're true, you whore. "I guess it's up to the smarter individuals in society to discern the truth from the slander."

Gojo’s eyes twinkled with amusement as he guided you through the final steps of the dance. “Indeed, it seems wisdom and discernment are valuable traits in navigating the labyrinth of society’s gossip.”

You nodded. “Quite so. It is the discerning few who see beyond the surface and recognize the true character of a person.”

As the music swelled to its concluding notes, Gojo drew you closer, his gaze fixed on you with a calculative expression. “And what is it that you seek to convey through your own character, Miss Itadori? In a world full of pretense, what do you wish to be known for?”

You maintained your practiced smile. "Mister Gojo, in a world where appearances often speak louder than words, I find it best to embody grace and humility. I hope to be seen as a gentle and devoted companion, one who supports and uplifts those around her.”

Gojo’s smile only sharpened, and you couldn’t help but shake the feeling of somehow being calculated, observed, even hunted as he offered,  “A noble aspiration. It is refreshing to encounter someone who values authenticity amidst the artifice.”

As the final strains of the waltz came to an end, Gojo escorted you back to your starting position. He bowed deeply, his eyes never leaving yours. “Thank you for the dance, Miss Itadori. It has been an evening of unexpected delights.”

You curtsied in return, your eyes meeting his with a demure and sincere expression. “The pleasure was mine, my lord. I am honored to have had this opportunity.”

With a final, charming smile, Gojo stepped back, giving you a nod. “Until we meet again, Miss Itadori. Enjoy the rest of your evening.”

After Gojo had taken his leave, you found yourself once again surrounded by a steady stream of suitors eager to engage you in conversation. You indulged a few with polite discourse, your smile unwavering as you navigated the well-trodden paths of societal pleasantries. Despite your best efforts, fatigue began to set in, and you soon reached your limit.

Deciding to take a brief respite, you excused yourself with practiced grace. You made your way discreetly to the veranda, seeking solace and a breath of fresh air away from the relentless din of the ballroom. As you stepped out into the cool night air, the sound of the revelry faded to a distant murmur, replaced by the gentle rustle of leaves and the faint scent of blooming flowers.

With your mind fresh and clear from the suffocating revelry, you couldn't help but reflect back on the night. With the Queen deeming you as the diamond of the season, you knew your mother and Choso had been appeased. Of course, tomorrow was going to be a long morning; judging by the sheer number of young men approaching you today, you knew many of them would be visiting your drawing room to converse with you and gain the approval of your brother.

There were some suitors that stood out. Lord Ino seemed to take genuine interest in what you had to say, but Mister Fushiguro had both interest and quiet respect that you couldn't help but think was ideal for a marriage. After all, you just wanted a peaceful life after securing yourself and your family. While brief, you had conversed a bit with both Duke Nanami and Lord Geto, but it had been interrupted by some of their friends inviting them onto the terrace. You were sure Naoya wouldn't bother showing his face tomorrow.

That left him. Blue eyes. You couldn't help but think you had heard about him somewhere. 

Gojo.

Even though you couldn't recall much other than his rakish tendencies, the future title of Duke was certainly attractive and respectable. He wasn't so bad; with dashing looks, you couldn't help but simply think that a pretty face wouldn't be bad to look at for all those years. You snickered to yourself at your sheer display of vanity in your thoughts.

If you had to think of the most vain reasons to justify your suitors, Mister Gojo would definitely top your list of the most handsome of men. With a sturdy and healthy build, you could notice the years of dedication he must put in to maintain his athleticism. Perhaps archery, you thought. Those shoulders were definitely wide for days. Or maybe horse riding. He definitely seemed to fill in his pants with his thighs.

However, it was impossible to ignore his mischievous nature. You couldn't imagine a man such as the future Duke showing any outward display of affection, and all your interactions⸺from him outwitting Naoya, to interviewing you under the pretense of dancing⸺have always had him either besting or calculating the other converser. He definitely had a superiority complex, you rolled your eyes. Clearly, your display of the simple and stupid maiden pleased him. You wondered if he treated all the other ladies with the same level of disrespect and evaluation.

Deciding you were too far into the gardens, you turned the opposite direction to join the revelry once more in fear of attracting strange rumors about your presence in the gardens late at night. As soon as you got closer and closer to the ballroom, you heard voices.

"Ah, but there is the diamond, of course." 

You perked up, interested in knowing who was talking about you. The voices seemed to be coming from the entrance between the terrace and the ballroom. "Of course, I understand why the Queen has deemed her so." Crouching, you aimed to discreetly hide behind a large trimmed bush in such a manner that if someone were to be passing by, you wouldn’t appear suspicious. 

Another voice chimed in. “She is beautiful. Not in the salacious way Lady Mei Mei is, but in a more authentic and innocent way.” 

“I fear the ladies nowadays are salacious⸺hungry for suitors with money and power⸺so it only makes sense that the ladies appear that way. But the diamond; she is different.”

A slap, as if someone was affectionately patted on the back for attention. “Yes, yes. But let the man of the night give us his assessment. After all, he is the one who is here tonight with us, finding a wife, when no one who had ever talked to him would ever think he would be doing such a thing.”

“Well, of course. It wouldn’t take a fool to know that marriage is basically imprisonment.” You could discern the speaker’s wry tone. “The goal here is to appease my parents, and my ticket to that is the diamond.”

“Well, get on with it,” a voice pressed, rather impatiently. “What’s your assessment?”

“A bit simpleminded.” Some feeling struck your lungs, as you recognized that it was Gojo’s voice that was speaking. You swallowed, your heart pounding as you waited for more harsh words to torrent upon you. “Has no opinions of substance that should cause conflict. She’s perfectly fine for a wife. I shall begin courting her and will soon propose⸺"

You didn’t hear the rest because you soon found yourself dashing in the opposite direction, towards an alternate entrance to the ballroom. You couldn’t bear to hear any of the more degrading and embarrassing things Gojo had to say about you as you slowed your pace to a fast walk. 

With the main entrance to the ballroom in sight, you thought about the other gentlemen⸺if you could even call them that⸺that must be present, conversing with Gojo. How widespread are these assessments of you? Do all gentlemen think you stupid? However, your thoughts are interrupted when you bump into someone, rather hard.

“Are you alright?”

You look up, putting a hand to your bosom as you try to catch your breath. You see Duke Nanami’s face in close proximity, as he furrows his brow in light worry. You’re clutching your forearms as you are heaving, trying to get oriented. “Yes,” you heave. “Yes, Your Grace.” 

Nanami clearly didn’t accept your assurance as he helped you stand to your full height. “Is there anything wrong?”

“No, no, I assure you; I am quite alri⸺”

“Sister! There you are!” Yuji comes up from behind Nanami, and both of you turn to look at him. “I’ve been looking for you! The punch here is terrible, some of the mamas here are horribly intoxicated. Do you know Mei Mei’s mother just admit⸺” he cuts himself off as he observes Nanami, who’s still touching your arms,  with wide eyes. “Di⸺Did I interrupt something?”

“NO, you didn’t.” You burst out, not wanting yet another man leaving with an unfavorable expression of you tonight. You and Nanami both take a step back to distance yourselves, and he clears his throat.

“Good night, Miss Itadori. Mister Itadori.” He gives you both curt bows as he makes his way past to his carriage.

Yuji blinks. “Oookay. Anyways. Mei Mei’s mother just barfed on top of Naoya as she was buttering him up. I must admit, Mei Mei and Naoya make a formidable match in being intolera⸺”

You could feel yourself filtering Yuji out as you thought about the gentlemen’s gossip from earlier. While you weren’t exactly surprised that Gojo appraised you as a pawn, you couldn’t help but be a little offended that he could talk behind your back. Who’s to predict the other naive ladies that would be subject to his callous and calculative behavior?

 There was only one conclusion to be drawn that you swear to remember for the rest of the season: Gojo was not a man of honor, and you were not going to be one of his victims. 

next. the aftermath

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[moirindeclermont]

How Bridgerton Men Stay Fit or Regency Era Exercise

For Day 2 Bonus Polin Week: Height differences (A brief explicit fic featuring wall sex, because why not?)

Something is so endearing in the way Pen realizes a little too late what he wants to do.

She is shy and nervous when he says he wants to take her standing on their feet. She claims she is too heavy and too short for that to work.

Reason one is classified as not true. As for their height difference, that is indeed true, but he has an easy solution to that.

Colin smirks as he starts to glaze with his finger on her lips and her lovely face, coming into her personal space and smiling when she takes a couple of steps back, ending up near the wall, exactly where he wants her.

“I’m strong enough to lift you for the time we need. My love, it’s the best way for me to exercise those muscles! Why lift and throw heavy things when I could hold and make love to my perfect wife?”

"I mean, if I can help you with your exercises... sure, why not?" Pen is almost wary about it but with a hint of malice in her looks. She likes the idea as much as he does.

He chuckles at her a bit. “Oh Pen, you help me with everything, I hope I’m not too much of a pain.”, he says, giving her those big puppy eyes that always work to get her turned on.

She loves it when he's cheeky with her: "You're never a pain for me... in fact, I recall only a lot of pleasure", and she starts touching her lips looking at him, watching his eyes becoming lustful. He watches as she removes the bodice, freeing her lovely bosom for him, knowing fully well that he drives him crazy with that move.

Now she has sparked his desire, and in a swift move, he captures her mouth in a scorching kiss as he lifts her and presses her against the wall. She laughs in shock and surprise “Colin, what are you doing? “

He looks at her. “What do you think I’m going to do next?” as he lifts her skirt and starts touching her core. She is already wet, but he wants her even wetter for him. He fingers her with two fingers at once, making her moan almost directly in his mouth. He could feel her growing wetter and it took him just a couple of minutes to make her ready for him.

“Unbutton me, Pen”, he says to her, making her moan. Her little hands go directly to his breeches and in moments he is free. She gives him a couple of pumps with her hand that are almost too much, but he resists the pull.

“Put your hands around my neck,” he grows at her, and in the next breath, he pushes into her in a single, deep thrust, his hand squeezing her lovely arse.

Gravity makes him go so deep inside her as he starts to thrust. Pen’s eyes just immediately roll back and she’s moaning and whimpering. She loves feeling his muscles as they’re flexed and all warm and flush from the activity.

“So strong!” She praises him and he just growls again into her ear, wanting to prove how strong he is by fucking her harder.

He loves the praise and can't get enough of how deep he is. He can feel her squeeze him as he fucks her harder. He doesn't even feel the strain of the muscles, just the incredible bliss. Especially when he can fuck her again a wall and kiss her at the same time.

He looks at her and as he watches her boobs going up and down as he pushes in her, his desire growing even more. He presses her harder on the wall, feeling her nipples hard against his chest and he knows he won’t last long.

He pushes even harder, her sounds close and close to the one she makes when she comes.

“I’m close Colin, I’m so close”, and he goes on her neck and then he captures a nipple with his mouth. He doesn’t think too much about it, just tease the tip with his tongue before sucking it.

She shrieks around him, a gush in between them as she comes hard around him. The rest is a blur: in three thrusts he is coming as well, and he almost collapses but he gathers his strength back and keeps her steady until she can stay on her feet without collapsing as well.

They breathe in each other spaces for a couple of minutes, until Pen feels stable enough to return with her feet on the ground.

Only then, Colin goes on his knees, kissing the top of her mound and making her shiver.

“You’re a Goddess, my love.”

She smiles at him, passing her hands through his hair and feeling him softly purr like always.

“Let’s go have a bath together, what do you say?” “You always have the best idea, wife!”

It took a while to find the balance to reach for the bath, and if the next day his arms were sore, it would be worth it just for the smile he put on Pen’s face that day.

The End

Thanks to my fandom spouse for half of the inspiration for this piece, and also for all our conversations

Ao3 Version

[lasirenatarot]

💞What’s next for you when it comes to love? {until the end of 2023; prediction for singles}💞

« ‘cause I love to love, to love, to love you, I hate to hate, to hate, to hate you… »

Pick a picture:

*if traditional gender roles don’t apply to your situation convert the words to feminine & masculine energy*

1->2

3->4

5

Pile 1:

Looooooovely pile!!!

You’ve probably waited for such love for a long time. A new person might appear in your life, in your eyes s/he will be like a « knight on a white horse ».

If you DO meet this person during sept.-end of december time frame, you might meet them at work, at a bank, somewhere closely connected to money, or this person may be deep pocketed😂💰. They appear as the king of pentacles.

Something I also get is that you may feel small in comparison to them, they may be bigger in size, older or simply just way more accomplished than you which will make you have a lot of respect for them and kind of look up to them. This person may have a lot of dominant&masculine energy even if they are not a male.

The connection that appears in the cards is « beyond words ».. take this as you wish.

A lot of physical attraction is present here as well, maybe in connection with the person you’ll start a relationship with or in general, other people may be very attracted to you until the end of 2023.

You will pretty much have an open heart for new love related possibilities, you will be full of love and positive energy.

Even if you do not meet this person during this exact time frame, sth may happen that may lead you to this person later on.

The energy of this pile reminds me of pile 5 so check it out.

Messages for this pile:

- happiness;

- new possibilities when it comes to love;

- begginings; (of a new relationship, or proposal of your current partner, whatever it is it’s a beggining of a new era in love for you)

Pile 2:

Someone may try to win you over. They will view you as a “risk worth taking”. May be an ex of yours, or an ex fling, i’m definitely getting someone from the past. (Or may remind you of someone/sth old)

You may currently or during that time frame (until the end of 23’) be playing games with each other😂. Making the other a little jealous by making them know you have options,or making them see you with someone else on purpose.

Whoever this is they would want to prove themselves to you, prove that they are the best option possible- as a partner, in bed etc. They may be very competitive in nature.

They may give you gifts, help you with things (little acts of service), they are ready to do everything you need. They may act really gentle and loving towards you.

You may play hard to get with them for some reason, which may upset them, try not to overdo it, everyone has their limits.

Messages for this pile:

- sadness; (probably related to the old love)

- old love;

- pleasure; (probably $£xual)

Pile 3:

Okay so, the options are two: you either were in a serious relationship which you just ended, or you may end a relationship from september until the end of the year. This relationship may have been toxic for you. For some of you you may have a child with the other person and that may make you feel “tied” to them, which may make you doubt your decision to leave them. Or you may feel this way due to the memories you two share.

They may try to talk you out of this decision to end the relationship, they’ll try to make you stay. I feel like they may have cheated for some of you.👀

On one of the cards there’s that image where the guy pours a glass of wine in the woman’s mouth which I interpret as “feeding her” with lies& empty promises.

I think you will choose loving yourself and use your mind instead of your heart, as you’re portrayed in the cards as the queen of swords=logical, cold, does what she has to do. You will take this hard decision in order for your future to flourish.

Messages for this pile:

- an ending;

- serious relationship;

- affair;

Pile 4:

An ex might make a come back for some of you😂 this person probably wants only $€x from you, I heavily doubt they are coming for more as their coming up as the devil card, some of you may start “friends with benefits” relations with this person/ex.

I am also getting a second energy of a serious male energy, for which I am almost sure it’s a completely different person. You may want to start a serious committed relationship with them. You may feel a lot of emotions (love) when it comes to them. You two are presented here as the king and queen of cups, very emotional people.

You may finally feel “embraced”, confident in your body and truly loved during that time period.

Messages for this pile:

- new love;

- no strings attached typa relationship, nothing serious or simply you don’t intend to be serious with one another for the next few months;

- $\£x;

-ex;

Pile 5:

You may have been in this “hermit mode” for a while and have waited for love to happen to you.

However, it will only happen to you after you heal and learn to be grateful for everything you’ve got, even the little things. ( tip from me: regularly write like a list of random things you’re grateful for in your journal or a notebook).

After this time of “loneliness” you may meet someone new. May be by DMs/texts/ some sort of written communication or at a party/social gathering. This person will feel like a new beginning in your love life, you’ve never had a person like that before, you’ll view them as your emperor. They will be very attracted to you physically. You may discover things about yourself you didn’t know you liked when you’re with them. This person would make you feel safe and protected. They have a very powerful energy.

You two will have a very “intimate” connection in every meaning of the word. The energy of this pile reminds me of pile 1 so check it out.

Messages for this pile:

- new beggining;

- meeting someone new;

thank you for reading! Hope it resonated, comment if it did.💞 Don’t forget to follow for more.

- La Sirena.💋

Decks used: ‘$£xual magic’ oracle deck by Lo Scarabeo; ‘Amor et Psyche’ oracle deck by Georges Barbier and Rachel Paul;

ALL pictures are from pinterest, I don’t own anything :))

[polin-erospsyche]

A lot of rumours have been circulating around the spoilers dropped about Colin and his sexual life. My main thought on this is: intimacy.

Of course, I have to start by saying that if it’s true, I don’t like it, I don’t agree with it, and I feel uncomfortable seeing it. But hey! The man is single and a grown adult, so he does what he wants.

However, I do think that if we want to see half of the things in the book, including some kinky talk and female sexual pleasure on Pen’s part (help, I’ve been in naughty jail for quite some time now) it is crucial for Colin to know a minimum about what he’s doing. That only happens if he’s had time to discover his own sexuality (although it does take away from the sweetness of them discovering themselves with each other).

Yet, that sweetness might still be here and this is where intimacy comes in. If it’s true and Colin is well and truly in his slutty era, I actually don’t think it’s so ooc of him. We’re talking here about a man who, after his first trip abroad, brought home drugs to get high on.

You know what that is? A sort of escapism.

I see his thrysts in brothels as another sort of escapism. Especially if he’s having threesomes.

No strings attached, no single person to focus on = no intimacy.

We know this man is seeking escape. We’ve also been told he has some demons of his own he needs to wrestle with this season. I think one of those demons might be an intimacy issue.

I mean we’re talking about a man who believed he was so in love in season one he was ready to marry immediately. Only to later find out that his trust had been abused (I’m not commenting on what Marina chose to do, I’m just saying that he most likely felt extremely betrayed). And even if he says that he’s moved on in season 2, which his sexual experiences in season 3 will attest to, that boy is probably quite scarred on a mental level and is probably still escaping all sorts of real attachment. I mean even the swagger shows it. He knows he’s handsome and he’s having fun with it, but he is probably nowhere close to being ready to commit when the season starts.

And in comes our beloved Pen and she’s taking none of his shit. Worse, she will see right through him and eventually confront him about his need to escape, which will lead to a passionate carriage make out scene (mind still in the gutter, I do apologise, honestly send help). And for Colin, who possesses all that swagger, is visiting brothels and having threesomes, for his knees to buckle and to have trouble breathing because Pen gives him a compliment about his eyes in the context of a suitor lesson? It’s absolutely hilarious.

That man will always melt into a puddle when he’s with her because it is her. It is Pen, his Pen, a part of the family and someone who brings out the vulnerability in him he is so desperate to hide away.

I think, just as much as she needs to grow in confidence, he needs to grow in his trust in a relationship and to stop running and seeking escape. And I think they will help each other grow in that way. They will discover themselves with each other because there will be that intimacy and that vulnerability that these two do not have with any one else.

Of course that is also what might make the reveal of Lady Whistledown even worse for Colin. Because she is in part responsible for the pain and the betrayal he’s experienced. She did try to warn him and he did not listen so she felt like she had no other choice. But it was badly handled and he says that too. So we might get a duality where Colin finds that intimacy and that trust in Penelope and only her, but he also cannot just ignore how she’s responsible for his demons. And they will have to learn to grow around each other’s best and worst parts and decide whether they are what they want or not.

Anyway all this rambling to say that the sex scenes (if we do get them, I’m still not totally convinced) are probably a way to explore Colin’s demons but mean nothing. And I think (hope) we’ll be able to see the stark contrast in his attitude when he’s with Pen. Because after all, this is Pen, and this is love, and this is nothing like he’s ever felt before.

[svtminji]

EP. 14 Relationships Aren’t Built To Last | SEVENTEEN : HIT THE ROAD

pairings. seventeen x oc word count. 2.8k content warnings. family stuff, mentions of johnny like thrice, ankle twisting, mention of seungcheol anxiety hitaus, a slight hint of mizuki's depression, knetz (japan new era-sana situation), joshua and mizuki's moms being bffs, mizuki's self-doubt, comfort tbh, angst.. dialouge notes. 'normal' = korean, 'italic' = japanese, 'bold' = english, 'bold-italic' = spanish an. enjoy this three hour written htr episode lol..

The female member sighed as she continued to get ready. All of these years of performing on stage and not a single memory would comfort her in this time of need.

"What if I missed a step in the choreography, what if I mess up the vocal pitch, what if I twist my ankle, what if-"

"Minji, we need you to start putting on your mic pack and your jacket." A distant voice disrupted her thoughts. She turned around and saw her long-term stylist trying to rush her into getting ready.

"Sorry, I'm just.. just distracted."

"There's no need to be distracted if you're going to perform for your fans. You need to put your best version of yourself no matter what, and being distracted is not an excuse."

"I know that, but I-"

"Minji, you need to get ready. Your members are waiting for you." The female stylist argued and ended the discussion.

Right. The staff weren't family no matter what, even if you spend years together with them.

͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏⠀⠀⠀ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏⠀⠀⠀͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏⠀⠀⠀ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏hit the road - intro

͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏ ͏͏͏͏͏͏⠀⠀⠀episode fourteen - Relationships Aren’t Built To Last

— “Osaka is a place of comfort for me. It’s a place where I can see myself spending time with my loved ones. But with the events that played out, I can't see it as that anymore.”

🫧 𓇼 ೀ OSAKA, JAPAN. - 10.2019

The camera cuts to Mizuki staring at her members. Everything during this stop wasn’t going right, and it was evident on everyone’s faces. She didn’t want to appear weak, but the cameras caught her face in a demise. The female member was going through something that was eating her alive, her love for her then-boyfriend. It was reasonable that she would eventually have to call it quits but so early into the tour? Not only was that consuming her but the extra pressure she put on herself. She needed a break, or she just needed to break down her walls.

The camera goes from Mizuki to Seungkwan, who’s having a bit of a concern for her.

“Hey Minji, are you doing well? I’m sure you’re excited to be in your home country, right?” He asked, knowing the answer that’ll come out of her lips.

“Huh..? Oh, I’m doing well. I think I’ll have a few problems but it’s not something I haven’t experienced at all before. I really missed Osaka, it’s very important for me.” Mizuki replied, though it didn’t sit right with the rest of the members around her. She was in a sitting stance that showed defensiveness, and not-ready-to-share vulnerability.

They all knew she wasn’t ready mentally to go out and perform like she did in Seoul. She was still together with Johnny during that time, and this was her first concert without him. When they had the countries and cities listed for the Ode To You Tour, she recalled the time she had brought her special person to Osaka.

— “I don’t like to appear weak. It’s something I never allowed myself to show, but I also have feelings. Now that it has been months from ending it with Johnny, I have been better and I would like to think that having support from my members and our fans made it happen.��� Mizuki said to the camera and stopped for a bit, “I don’t want to make this about him, but he is someone who’s been by my side for a long time, even before Seventeen. I think people wouldn't want me to talk about him, so I’ll just end this talk for now.”

🫧 𓇼 ೀ OSAKA, JAPAN. - 10.2019

"Whenever I have the time to come home, I always think about my family. I had the chance to fly out my parents from the States, and I'm getting a little nervous. Because I have diverse parents, I don't get the chance to see them all the time and I think that's what the foreign members and I have in common." She told the camera with a slight smile. It was the truth and she had to realize it one way or another. It was 5 hours before the concert, and she sat on the couch figuring what to do to pass time.

By the looks of it, Mizuki was really excited to showcase what she was working on to her parents. Being an idol wasn't the easiest job and being away from home was even harder. At least she had family in Japan, but it wasn't the same without her parents there with them.

– "Mizuki really kept to herself for most of the tour. We had talked about how it was going for her, but she didn't mention any of her actual feelings about the situation she was in." Seungcheol mentions, reminiscing about the tour, "She works hard, and when her parents couldn't make it to Japan, it really took a toll on her."

The video cuts to the cameraman focusing the camera on the worried Seungcheol. He had his phone by his ear and he scanned the room for the female member. With the call ending, he pulled it away from his ear and went up to Mizuki. Seungcheol told her to come with him, and he pulled her aside from the rest of the members. To the viewers, it was evident that Mizuki's parents couldn't make it, but to the members, it was worrisome. The leader and co-leader (with the cameraman as well but distant) were outside of the waiting room. Seungcheol didn't know how to start and the way Mizuki was staring at him, she wanted to know what was going on.

"You said your parents were coming, right?"

She nodded, "Yeah, I paid for their tickets and luggage. Why is this anything important?"

He looked at her and held her by her shoulders. "Your mom called me, and with her level of Korean, she told me that they can't make it to Osaka."

As soon as he stopped talking, he watched the gears work in Mizuki's head. She spoke in a timid voice, "Not even to the rest of the Japanese tour?"

He shook his head, "They can't make it to Japan. She told me that they have too much going on at the moment and they wanted me to tell you because they know how you'll react to the news."

Mizuki just looked at the floor and kept her gaze there. Many thoughts ran threw her head but only one question came up: Why? Why couldn't they make it? Did they not care? Was she not worthy to be seen? Did they not lo-

"Hey," Seungcheol lifted her chin so she could face him, "I'm sure they'll explain it to you soon enough. Don't forget we're having the LA stop, so you can see them there as well."

Though she nodded at his words, she couldn't help but let out the tears. Sensing that this would happen, he pulled her into his embrace, letting her cry out as much as she wanted. All words that was exchanged were comforting, and that was all Mizuki needed to hear.

– "Do you usually cry?" — "To be honest, I'm quite a crybaby when I do get extremely emotional. My mom giving Seungcheol the information first was probably the best idea because I don't think I would've told my members about the situation. So, thanks, Mom."

🫧 𓇼 ೀ JAPANESE TOUR - 10.2019

Other than the unfortunate incidents with Chan getting sick and Mizuki's parents not being able to come, the Japanese tour went well. But of course, the feeling of being well breaks soon after. There were times that she felt like she wasn't doing the best at protecting her members or even looking after them. Of course she had to worry about herself first, but there was always a feeling of incomptence.

She would never say it out loud, or even to her members, but she felt like she was useless at times. During the Japanese stops, Mizuki spent her time translating and helping out the members in Japanese. With the events that had played out early 2019 about the new Japanese Era, she felt like she couldn't express herself in her mother tongue. At the Chiba stop, she expressed her worries:

"When I had posted something about Japan's new era, I was not in the best state. As much as I don't let hurtful words affect me, in a way, they still do. I'm thankful to even be here with my members and I hope everything can go well in the future."

🫧 𓇼 ೀ NORTH AMERICA - 01.2020

The stops during the first two weeks of January went fine. Mizuki was put up the the co-leader role because Seungcheol had taken a break for his anxiety. Every new stop and it had felt like every member was missing or just complete done with the tour. Touring in North America meant English interviews and that was tiring for the main English speakers of the group. There was no rest period in between the US dates, and frankly, she was tired.

— "As part of the trio of main dancers, I do get my injuries and my ankle had twisted pretty badly during Houston. I never understood why my stylist paired my outfit with heels, considering encore was pretty extreme. Though I did make it out fine and continued the rest of the tour with flat shoes."

The cameraman filmed each member getting off the stage and Mizuki was seen limping in the background. The scene cuts to another scene with an ice-pack around an ankle. Discarded heels were on the ground and a blanket was wrapped around Mizuki's lower body.

"I think I twisted my ankle when we were Aju-Niceing," Mizuki sighed at the memory, "I don't think it's pretty bad and I think my feet have gone through worse."

"You should still take it easy during these next cities. It won't benefit any of us if our second leader leaves as well." Jeonghan points out, making his way next to her to which she scoots to give him room to sit.

She paused, then she agreed. He had a point and she couldn't let down her members. Mizuki laid her head on his shoulder and focused her gaze on the resting members. The manger had entered the room and he was announcing the next stop: Mexico City. Right, how could've Mizuki forgotten her father?

"Could you pass me my phone? I should call my dad, like right now." Mizuki asked Mingyu, who happened to pass by it. He handed it to her and Mizuki started to find her father's contact.

She placed it on speaker and on the second ring, he answered. The rest of the members knew Mizuki's parental situation and they always found it interesting how she would speak in her father's native language. Though, they would be confused with their dynamic.

"Hi Dad, I just got off work like a few minutes ago."

"Ah, my Mari. How was it?"

"It went well but I'm pretty tired from all of it. How about you?"

"I've been well as well, work has been hectic but it's my job. I'm sure you understand. Mom's been great too, as well as your brother. He's been struggling with his English homework and that boy is literally fluent in it."

"Really? I'm glad that you and mom are doing well. And there's no way he's struggling at it; I'm definitley going to talk to him about it. Um- I forgot to ask, are you coming to Mexico City? I was thinking you would at least see your home country."

"I'm so sorry my mariposa. As much as I would love to go, I can't."

Mizuki sighed, it was Osaka all over again. "It's fine Dad. We have two stops in California anyways, I'm sure you and mom are going to both."

"Of course, why would I miss it when I have you so close? Don't forget your brother, he's coming as well. Alright kiddo, I'm figuring that it's close to 12 over there and considering you have a concert in two days, you need to rest."

She humed in agreeance, "The members are here incase you want to say any goodbyes. They've been listening to the converstation."

A faint laugh is heard in the background. "You decide to tell me this now? Wow. Cannot believe my own daughter. Your mom can tell them my goodbyes for me." He passed the phone to his wife. "Hi Mizuki, and hi everyone! I hope everyone had a good time at the concert. Thank you for taking care of our Mizuki and don't worry, Joshua's mom and I have prepared food for all of you guys when you arrive. Have a good night! Bye Mizuki, love you."

The beep is heard throughout the room, and everyone glances at Mizuki. She stares at her phone screen and sighs.

"At least it wasn't that bad," Soonyoung tells her which makes her look up at him, "I mean, your dad told you he's not making it to Mexico, and it's one more stop til you see your parents."

"Yeah, not to mention it seems like my mom has used a lot of her Korean to your mom. And they prepared many things for us, so let's look on the bright side." Joshua also commented on the matter.

The members agreed with what the older had said, and to their suprise, Mizuki had agreed as well. Maybe it was for the best to not look too far into it.

Mexico had gone by in a flash and the members were on their way to the Golden State, California. The home state of Mizuki and Joshua and most importantly, where both native Californians would see their family after a long time. As soon as Mizuki had arrived at her childhood home, she ran into the embrace of her parents and her brother. Luggage was forgotten, picked up by Mingyu on the way into her house, and all that was in her head was her family. Everything that had happened in the past year went away and it felt like she was finally healing.

— "When I had made it into my childhood home after a year or so, I felt like I was at peace. Obviously my past year didn't just dissolve as soon as I entered the house, but it felt like it did. Talking to my mom about what had happened was very therapeutic for me and I think having such a close relationship with my mom has really made it even better." She spoke. "I also believe it was also a good time for Joshua to bond with his parents because he had been away from them around the same time as I have. We spent the rest of the day resting and enjoying the embarssing stories."

🫧 𓇼 ೀ SOUTHEASTERN ASIA - 11.2019 & 2.2020

It was not looking too well for the members during November. Every tour stop had one or two members missing, and now with Seungcheol taking his well-deserved rest, it felt like more were gone. Mizuki stepped up to the leader role and needed to have everything in check. Sometimes she felt like she was incompent as a leader but she didn't want to show it.

– "Mizuki doesn't realize that we can see her struggling. As much as we see her struggling with her emotions, we know when to intervene and when not to." Jihoon adds, "During the time Seungcheol was gone, I feel like everyone went in some sort of panic but Mizuki really made a difference by taking the role he had. There was a change in leadership, but it wasn't so noticable."

February roles around and the third stop in Southeastern Asia comes around. Manila was always beautiful place, especially it's architecture. Spanish colonial times had an effect on the city, and Mizuki always took her time looking around for familiar tastes.

Manila was an amazing night, considering it was the last stop of the Ode To You Tour. Unfortunately with Covid-19 rising, Pledis Ent. had to cancel the two remaining stops in the Southeastern Asia tour and the European Tour.

Though none of the stops held strong importance to her, she felt bummed out on the idea that Carats couldn't see them due to the pandemic. Entry to countries was getting harder, especially coming from Asian countries. All Seventeen members were sent to South Korea days following the concert, and had strict rules placed. All Mizuki knew was that the world tour had ended, and she could finally have her peace. Or so she thought. Considering how Jihoon works in his studio, she knew there was a comeback happening soon.

— "Even when I'm at my lowest, my members are always here for me and they can always count on me to do the same for them. I started the tour as the same person I was, and I left it feeling different. Perhaps it can be for the better or for the worst."

this draft has been here for MONTHS. like as soon as i started this account. i began rewriting this fic like a few days ago and in the last two hours, i think i wrote over like 1k words :3. i rewatched hit the road after like a year or so and having to sync up events from memory onto the fic is like hard for me. this isn't like the rest of the htr episodes and i wanted it to be special. this fic mostly was based on her family stuff. so yay!!! svtminij est. 2023

[bonefall]

Do you have any plans for Moth Flight in your au? I always felt like she had a lot of potential, but her super edition…. Oh it’s bad. God forbid a disabled, young, single mom try to raise children and have a job at the same time. Too bad there was no one to help her when things got stressful, like you know, her clanmates… No women should have a job and children at the same time ever again.

If it wasn’t obvious that was sarcasm, Moth Flight’s story has awful implications. But! In BB Clerics Not being allowed to have kits wasn’t a law until the Ripple Era, it used to just be a personal vow and was a bit taboo. So I’m interested in of Moth Flight still had something to do with the creation of the vow itself? And just in general if you have any plans to fix her story or if you’re just throwing the whole thing out. (Which would be completely understandable.) I just think there IS potential there in her story, especially in BB where the Clerics Vow is actually ACKNOWLEDGED to not make sense and be bad. It could be interesting for the idea to rise from such a hyper specific, awful situation. The Clans having altered her story so much over the years that it went from the truth, “the first Cleric was a young, single mother of four, trying to raise her children while morning her husband and convincing the other Clans that they needed Clerics. The odds were against her.” To the perfect, Cleric’s Vow supporting lie, “the first Cleric had kits. She was unable to balance raising them and caring for her Clanmates. She taught the Clans a valuable lesson, a Clerics first and only duty should be healing and worshiping StarClan. Kits only get in the way of that duty.”

Idk, I just feel like there’s still an interesting story to tell somewhere through all of Moth Flight’s super edition’s bs. In the hands of a better writer who doesn’t ACTUALLY believe that Moth Flight’s genuinely tragic life means that all women who have jobs can never have children or get married again.

There's HUUGE overhauls here. I spoke about it eons ago during the last wave where I was discussing my changes to BB!DOTC, but let me give you the fragments thus far.

It's VERY different. Get ready for Moth Flight to be a completely different character.

MOTH FLIGHT'S VOW

She is no longer the child of Wind Runner. In fact...

She's the daughter of Wind Runner's shitty ex, Branch

Moth's other dad is Cloud Flight (prev. Cloud Spots). Since the Great Battle, Cloud has been wandering between the 5 groups as a sort of traveling doctor. It's a lot of work, there's only him and Dapple and an overwhelming amount of cats who need his skilled paws

So Moth Flight has always been a bit detached from people. I want her to actually have ADHD this time around, instead of it vanishing when it isn't convenient.

She kind of has Military Base Kid energy, hopping place to place with unresolved mental health issues. She probably bites ppl because I love weird girls

"papas can i bring my leeches" "honey no"

Cloud really wanted to train her to be a Medic the way he is, but... she has to learn how to do it her own way.

Branch doesn't help he's a goof and mostly interested in playing games with his baby.

I want to portray Branch as someone who's flighty, not another example of "before the Tribe cats came we were uncivilized heathens without society"

I also don't like his original narrative purpose to give Wind Runner trust issues that don't matter. If she had trust issues, what exactly was all that "please let me join ur group" about??

BB!Wind Runner is a breakaway from the River Kingdom, and the leader of the loosely united Moor cats. She created the Wind Coalition and is its intense, notoriously ruthless leader

So something eventually calls Cloud to do his work for the Wind Coalition

Branch: *SWEATS*

Cloud Flight: "..............branch. what did you Do"

Branch: "youre not allowed to be mad at me"

Cloud Flight: "tell me what you did and then we'll see if im mad at you"

The take might be controversial, but I do like the way that Windstar has problems with Moth Flight for no reason. I wanted to preserve it while removing it being yet another case of motherly child neglect, and more of a case of Wind Runner holding unfair grudges. I think it's good drama

Moth Flight's love of nature, herbs, and the natural world eventually prompts her to follow a Hairstreak Butterfly to the Moonstone. It leads her through the winding tunnels, a path that only Clerics will know how to navigate in the future, to the shimmering chamber in the middle.

Through her special connection to StarClan, drawing off the early cultural view of their ancestors as nature spirits (the fact that they are star spirits is a Park Cat contribution and all 5 leaders have their lives by this point), Moth Flight is able to come into her own as a holy speaker and healer. She begins to blur the line between holiness and healing, marked by how Clanmew has only one word for both concepts.

Hairstreak Butterflies also become known as a "herald" type of butterfly. I could get into the linguistics of this, but the old Tribemew word for moth/butterfly becomes the Clanmew word for sacred butterflies.

Micah is not supremely important anymore, but he's there. He doesn't become a healer in MFV, he's just Moth's mate.

But things begin to go wrong when her kittens are born.

All four children are born with a high connection to StarClan, just like their mother.

She takes it on herself to train them, as Cloud Flight had done with her, wiser from understanding that they would learn in their own ways.

Dapple and Cloud Flight never have this connection to star spirits, and they're growing old. Cloud is ready to retire, Dapple dies in some way before she's able to train a replacement

It begins to cause panic in the groups. It was bad with only two healers, but now everything is stretched even thinner.

SkyClan, notoriously violent, is the first to make the move. Skystar was not above the practice of Kit Stealing, taking Misty's kittens and giving them to Petal Claw for her loyalty ages ago.

Kit Stealing wouldn't become common until the creation of the Law of Loyalty, which is only a few years away, but it did exist before then.

They want a Mothkin kitten.

The Wind Coalition, of course, moves to fight and protect them. They call on ThunderClan, who can usually be relied upon

ThunderClan's request... they also want a Mothkin kitten. They need doctors too.

The River Kingdom and ShadowClan are also moving to take a kitten

EVERYONE needs a doctor, and they will fight and kill to get one. They all begin to realize... if they don't separate, there will be blood. People they love will die, and they'll be ripped apart anyway

Moth Flight, seeing this, BURNING with sorrow and fury at the violence of the Clans but knowing there is no other option, tells her children to make her a promise.

"That there will be no Mothkin after you. That you will never take a mate, or give your kidnappers more children. That you will remember that they were willing to kill their own families to steal you, and that you will be loyal the pursuit of life, virtue, and your sacred ability to heal above the cruel commands of the treacherous Clans."

Having accepted this, the family calls for an end to the fighting. Each child chooses a Clan to go to, and has their name changed.

ThunderClan: Spider Flight -> Spider Flight (no change)

SkyClan: Honey Flight -> Honey Pelt

RiverClan: Bubble Flight -> Bubbling Stream

ShadowClan: Blue Flight -> Blue Whisker

They're being shuffled based on which Clan they go to because it always bothered me that their names don't match their Clans, and also Spider Paw going to RiverClan when he has a phobia of water is insulting and I said no

So, TL;DR, this is a completely different story because DOTC is the one arc that I don't value "fixing." It needs a complete overhaul, imo.

This one would take place after Thunderstar's Justice, which immediately follows the First Battle. In terms of timeline, first is Hollyleaf's Century, 30 years later BB!DOTC begins and lasts several years, a few months after the First Battle begins Thunderstar's Justice, and then Moth Flight's Vow follows a year later.

[bleachbleachbleach]

five comfort characters, five tags

Thank you for the tag, @fractoluminescence! I made a new post because this got long, but the original meme is at this link, and @fractoluminescence's cool responses are at this one, if you'd like to read everyone's (I recommend!).

I had a difficult time developing an answer because I got too in the weeds about what the definition of “comfort character” was, rip. It turns out there are a lot of definitions, ranging from characters you find cozy, to characters you find relatable, to characters you look up to, to more elaborate definitions that attempt to articulate those distinctions between a character you love and a character that you would sink to the bottom of the Marianas Trench with.

I’ll define “comfort character” as that thing that begins by delineating, say, a show you love so so much (Haikyuu!!—my soul for a volleyball) vs. a show you want to be fannish about (Bleach. BleachBleachBleach, even. BLEACHBLEACHBLEACH, even), and then refines further into characters you love (my eternal Soi Fon era) vs. the characters you’re in the Trench about. Because while I probably think an above average amount about Soi Fon, and love seeing her on my dash, and do want to write for her once I alight upon some idea that sufficiently connects my headcanons about her to 1) actual canon and 2) a Story, she is not who I:

think about every single ding dong day;

regularly revel in in daydreams;

both consciously and unconsciously filter my lived experiences or relationships through, such that they become doubled; they find translation, in an act of both processing (growing distance from, or increasing intimacy with) the experience and in tugging at the character themselves, growing them into something that proceeds from their canon or offers an opportunity to entertain new and additional dimensions.

I think the key elements here are:

the alwaysness of this—the readiness to be in the soup at all times;

how personal the engagements are, which I think is sometimes to do with the relatability of a character (proximity to oneself) and is sometimes personal to… the character? Like, the intimacy of wanting to both crystallize one’s understanding of a beloved character by stress-testing their concept, and to spin them out, break them from what is canonically known just to see how much depth they have beyond that and in how many ways they might be known.

…Which, now that I’ve written that, is... just my definition of “blorbo” and not “comfort character,” but maybe the terms are synonymous??? who knows—AS THOUGH BLORBO HAS A DEFINITION AND ISN’T WHOLLY MEME-DERIVED TO BEGIN WITH. AS THOUGH ANY OF THESE THINGS HAVE PRESCRIPTIVE DEFINITIONS.

Anyway, all of that is the appeal of writing fanfic, to me, so it technically extends to anyone I’ve had occasion to write. But that’s within the specific action of writing a story, or preparing to write a story, or thinking about writing a story.

If we’re talking “always” and unconsciously, readily, blorbo-ily, whether there’s a story or not, then #1-3 are and have been for the last four years:

Hitsugaya

Hinamori

Matsumoto

They are who I am most inclined to give things to, or translate things through, and am most interested in defining/destroying. <333

There are probably use-cases/concrete examples that should go here, in addition to the somewhat woowoo definition above, but part of me is shy, and another part is like, those are what the stories are, and another part is “those two parts are the same part...” and yet another is “those two parts are the exact opposite of each other..."

So instead I'll no-pressure tag @confluencechimera, @recurring-polynya, @afinepiece, @bendingwind, and @unohanadaydreams!

Below the cut because it's not Bleach-related enough: I promise I’m not trying to be evasive/coquettish on purpose, but I don’t think I can get myself to put my thoughts about my lifetime character for this on Tumblr, because according to me, organizationally, that’s not where they go. So I’ll skip him. I’m also one of those people where my idea of comfort is to lean into the negative and feel comforted by the experience of being joined in misery by others, rather than go the cozy route. In that usage my comfort “character” is Law and Order: SVU because it’s like 800 episodes of people having the worst day of their lives and/or people on absolutely depraved sprees, depending on which side of the story you focus on. But also that show is deeply unserious, pleasingly formulaic, and has infinite rewatchability. So let's say those are responses #4 and #5!!

[verdemoun]

I just realized that I haven’t asked for any content of one of my favorite women in camp and no one else has so I’m curious how Miss Grimshaw’s timewarp was? Going from bleeding out as Dutch started pointing a gun at the son that was just as much hers as he was Dutch or Hosea’s and then waking up to whoever found her in present time :>

SUSAN GRIMSHAW MY BELOVED

The gang did not have a fully mapped out version of events that occured between Hosea's death to Arthur's death so when they got Arthur (they were very confident about his death because it was written about in papers) they had to almost speed through the reunion to be like what happened did anyone else die do we need to be going for anyone else which is how they learned about Susan and Molly's deaths.

Internet sleuth Lenny quickly found the location because the discovery of a female body circa 1900 was reported on when the site of her grave was disturbed during the construction of a holiday home overlooking Elysian Pool.

Grimshaw understood she was dead, and had died. She woke up rather peacefully, very much gently waking up instead of jolting awake like most shooting deaths, on the balcony of a thankfully vacant holiday house overlooking Roanoke Ridge. It was idyllic enough for her to think she was in heaven, so she broke into the house, made herself a coffee and was comfortably sitting on a lounge chair when the gang showed up. Took timewarping like the boss she is. Does think cleaning appliances are the best invention of modern era she heard the term dishwasher and did not blink until she learned to use it.

Because the Matthews group were not prepared to pick up Susan as well they had no plans for where she could stay. Annabelle, delighted another og van der linde from the early days was back, offered up her own apartment which Susan was very grateful for.

Dutch should also be very grateful that he didn't die until 12 years later because Susan Grimshaw was absolutely ready to take him out on sight after the shit that happened just before her death.

Arthur is her boy 110% I adore their relationship and she absolutely gets promoted to Nana Grimshaw in Isaac's eyes because my boy recognizes found family faster than the actual gang do. As one of the few who knew about Isaac she is very soft on the boy but also her usual stern bad cop threatening to beat him self when he is causing trouble.

Much to her relief, many of the gang members learn to be independent in a way that they weren't in 1899 and Bessie has also taken on a lot of that maternal having to literally remind them to wash up and not be slobs role so she can be her own person. Which Susan Grimshaw is excited about! She adores the gang but it's like a parent being on their own for the first time after their last child goes to college, she is getting to rediscover herself outside of that role.

Also having a big old queer awakening after enjoying kissing Annabelle a little too much after several bottles of wine. Talk about rarepair where's my Annabelle x Grimshaw base. Every single woman who ever dated Dutch van der Linde had a queer awakening afterwards and never dated men again.

Being used to having a job and not knowing how to relax she is one of the first to get a modern era job. She shouldered her way into working at an old fashioned bar and working her way up to manager in record time because let's be honest taking care of the gang was 90% cleaning and shepherding drunks she's overqualified to be the hot scary aged barkeeper.

She actually loves the work and has never been intimidated by a patron because oh boohoo you've killed a man? me too bitch. you threaten to wait outside for me to leave after closing? see what fucking happens. one of the few who went through getting a weapons license and is always strapped.

step aside old man yaoi it is old woman yuri time and grimshaw owns it

[foxes-that-run]

To be so lonely

TBSL is a drunk phone call with regret for how a relationship turned out. It has similarities to Say don’t go and Ready for it. Harry said (10:30) it was written in Bath. He said it was one of his favourites and a shame that people shout arrogant SOB at him. I love him so much:

Arrogant son of a bitch

Arrogant SOB is a quote from this Notebook scene. It's a vulnerable, honest line from a hopeless romantic's favourite movie. Why would people scream it at him? Only played at 12 shows.

Timeline

Harry wrote Fine Line in the first half 2018 and Cherry and Falling mid-year.

In October - January he was in Japan. The last Reputation show was in Tokyo in November. He wrote Little Freak & Ophelia then.

Taylor went back to the UK with Joe, In February she and Joe went to the Spaniards Inn (aka Harry's local) and she released Me!

To be so lonely is a drunk phone call when he is back in England around June 2019. (see also 2018-2020 and Fine line timelines

Lyrics

[Verse 1] Don't blame me for falling I was just a little boy Don’t blame the drunk caller Wasn't ready for it all

The first verse is clear that he's calling taylor:

‘Don't blame him for falling’ has a layered meaning, falling in love in the 1989 TV era (the irony now with vaults), falling off the friendship fine line (also in Daylight) and now falling into depression as in Falling.

He was just a little boy refers to his immaturity in the 1989 TV era, as detailed in Say don't go.

he responds to Taylor’s vengeful open to the Reputation tour and album: "Are you Ready for it.." with a soft gentle 'I wasn't ready at all'. This is layered, he wasn't ready to date an adult, for the fame, to be there for her insecurities in Slut and Say don’t go or to loose that love then or now.

[Pre-Chorus] You can't blame me, darling Not even a little bit, I was away And I’m just an arrogant son of a bitch Who can't admit when he's sorry

He's feeling sorry for himself, reflecting on having been emotionally numb when they dated (I was away). To Howard Stern he said every decision he’d made from 16 to 22 was as part of a group, going to therapy and working through his thoughts at that time.

the arrogant SOB line reminds us he is a gentle soul, he is sorry, he has done the work and can now see the effect he had on her. I love that line and wish people didn’t yell it.

he’s sorry, but as an arrogant sob that’s hard

[Chorus] Don't call me "baby" again, you got your reasons I know that you're tryna be friends, I know you mean it Don't call me "baby" again, it's hard for me to go home Be so lonely

Harry asked his muse to not call him baby, because he’s not with them. They are trying to be friends despite chemistry, they crossed the fine line of friendship and he’s drunk calling lonely that his beloved is not with him.

In Taylor’s later track, illicit affairs she has a similar line “And you wanna scream / Don't call me "kid" / Don't call me "baby" / Look at this godforsaken mess that you made me / You showed me colors / You know I can't see with anyone else”

He closes that it’s hard for him to be so lonely, it seems his beloved is not lonely because they are not single

[Verse 2] I just hope you see me in a little better light Do you think it's easy being of the jealous kind? ’Cause I miss the shape of your lips You’ll win, it's just a trick And this is it, so I’m sorry

He and this person have history, he wants to right. Little Freak “never saw his birthmark” is similar to me, Harry feels like Taylor did not get to see the real him, he was a little boy who wasn’t ready for it all. He regrets how things turned out and how she sees him.

He misses the shape of her lips, (red lips in style and two ghosts) in a leaked “I just wanna love you” he sang “'Cause I just wanna kiss you / And that's never gonna change / At least I'm honest with you, babe”

He’s jealous she’s with someone else, wishes they were together. He agrees it’s just a trick to get her attention, and he’s sorry.

[Bridge] And I'm just an arrogant son of a bitch Who can't admit when he's sorry [Chorus] Don't call me "baby" again, you got your reasons I know that you're tryna be friends, I know you mean it Don't call me "baby" again, it's hard for me to go home Be so lonely To be so lonely x5

:( he’s sad for how it ended, misses her

sees she wants to be friends but he can’t cope if she calls him baby because he wants her. Taylor has a similar sentiment “ Now that we don’t talk “Truth is, I can't pretend it's / Platonic, it's just ended, so”

She’s in a relationship and he wants to be with her.

[sidewayspeace444]

Sooo…..

I’m not sure how to word this and hopefully it’s not long, but I’ll begin by saying, Chris Evans’ fandom just needs to ignore EVERYTHING from his side, that includes his friends, family, the “wife” and her friends, etc.

I do believe there may be more than meets the eye with this mess behind the scenes, but I also recognize that as much as this entire “shitshow” as its now been deemed, seems phony and fake…. At this point, let’s just say it’s what it is. Chris is a married man and he married a woman that I don’t believe he truly knows, but that’s on him. 🤷🏻‍♀️

See, looking back at everything, even if this started as PR, which I’m partial to believe…..Chris still sat his ass on stage last week and said he…. Married a woman from Portugal. 😂

But, I remember his likes on IG years ago, he liked and followed some big booty fitness influencer and no, not that Sara chick. I think he and 🐟 might’ve had a PR thing that started professionally and then he liked whatever, but when it was time to “debut” this mess….. his dumbass never expected the backlash. If this has always been real or pr turned real or just pr, etc he never expected fans to deep dive into the problematic woman who keeps trolling his fandom? See, people stated her IG cleaned up of over 100 posts so he or someone knew enough. He is not permanently attached to racist scum.

Look Chris is a very privileged white male, like….DUH!

But look how he talks about project roles, so many deserving actors and actresses are out here scraping for decent roles and then there’s Chris….Mr. “I turn down lead roles”, “I only want to make one movie a year”, “I don’t understand my privilege so I take advantage of it”.

Chris has been in a Marvel/Disney protection bubble for over a decade. It prevented him from growing as an actor and person. He had people at the ready to clean his mess and wipe his ass. He’s no longer in that bubble and ironically you can go back and see how he’s been cascading down ever since. He started decent with Knives Out and Defending Jacob, but then the pandemic happened and he like many…. Lost their minds and sanity.

First it was Lily James PR mess and then I guess money was decent that he chose to do another stunt and it’s led to all of this. Chris wants to seem like he’s smarter than he comes off, but I do believe he’s the type to go…. You like Eckart Tolle?!…..omg me too, yep we’re destined to be together. Boston has a huge population from PT, and racist history so 🐟 should enjoy her time there. 🙄

Anyway Chris has ALWAYS had problematic individuals in his circle both personally and professionally, again….privileged white man who loves to act holier than thou. He did some basic ass tweets during trump era and people started stanning him because everyone hated trump and Chris was basically the conduit of their thoughts.

He pandered to black women, even reprimanded one during an interview, after again…pandering …pretending to flirt over her white boots, knowing he’s being recorded …..then got pissy with her…all because she used the word “brand”. But look at his “brand” now. 😒

This man left social media because he couldn’t withstand the pressure of people not kissing his ass and his choice in life partner. He keeps saying the internet is bad, no sweetie, the internet isn’t the problem it’s YOU!

Ugh, I’m done, mainly because I too wanted this to turn out to be 100% PR, he acted like he didn’t like her publicly only to put a ring on it, yet that could have been to have people wondering and staying engaged with this mess.

I think she’ll be his karma for however long they last.

There is 0.1% in me that would LOVE for this mess to be revealed as shitty PR, fake marriage and all, but I’m tired of trying to force feed things. Chris has a ring… fake or not, it would be stupid to acknowledge himself as married only to come back with….. I’m not married, still single.

So for those believing this is PR, I stand with you, but I’m tired of holding out hope that he was ever truly decent. Decent people don’t have multiple problematic friends and coworkers, Emily Blunt is a fat shamed too, her and Justin should get along very well. Decent people don’t take their career and fans for granted EVER!

This IS who Chris Evans is and it’s time everyone drops the projection and fantasy. If I’m wrong…… I’d like to see Chris himself prove me wrong, but that’s not going to happen…..is it?

This fandom use to be a source of fun and relief from personal shit, but now it’s aided in more gaslighting and emotional hurt about a guy I never knew.

You all have been so cool and I wish Chris turned out to be the man we all thought he actually was, but his own actions have proven, he’s not.

Everyone take care! ✌️

Let’s stop defending this man like we are getting paid. Let’s drag him! He wants to blame everyone but himself for his flop era

[merp-blerp]

My updated opinions on Gaylor, from a lesbian Swiftie

Disclaimer: I will be linking to some Gaylor posts where I get my info; please do not attack anyone who made these post if you don’t agree with them. Just scroll away or click out of the post. And do the same with mine if you don’t agree with me. I don’t condone harassment of any kind to anyone who hasn’t done anything wrong.

So in this older reblog of mine, among others, I spoke out on my opinions on “Gaylor”, a sub-fanbase in the swiftie fandom based on the belief that Taylor Swift is a part of the LGBTQ+ community secretly, or half-secretly. However, my thoughts have evolved and I want to make my personal opinions clear. My feelings are always evolving and that’s okay. They may continue to change. This has been stuck in my drafts for months. I’ve always wanted to make this post since I began posting about Taylor so often around the pandemic, but for a while the time never felt quite right and more importantly my thoughts weren’t clear. Several events had made me want to make this post and I think I’m ready to finish and post this.

I’ve been a Taylor Swift fan since 2010, but I only began to consider myself a swiftie around 2018 because that’s when I started really looking into Taylor as a person. To me a swiftie is someone who not only occasionally listens to Tay’s most popular songs, but someone who is actively in the fandom and possibly knows some basic information on Taylor. At the very least, a swiftie knows more than what’s on the radio (doesn’t mean that you’re not a “real fan” if you’re not a swiftie by my definition of one). When I started to enter the fandom, trying to learn info on Tay, the first pieces of it I saw were the Kaylors, because I’m gay and my internet algorithm knew that all too well. I actually thought it was true at the time, in the sense that I didn’t know it was a theory and thought that it was just some info I didn’t know. I remember being confused on why I had never heard about Taylor’s girlfriend Karlie Kloss before. Once I leaned it was just a theory I somewhat distanced myself from that side of the fandom because I didn’t want to get too wrapped up in a conspiracy theory. I was literally in a class that was all about not doing that at the time.

I continued my journey to do my research and felt confident enough to call myself a swiftie by 2020. I started seeing what I now know were just fragments of how some typical swifties view Gaylors. Some seemed distant and unassociating (not really homophonic, though), so I felt subconsciously reassured to continue my semi distant nature towards them. When Kit Conner’s unfortunate outing happened I felt even more validated. I didn’t want to think Gaylors were bad, but I didn’t know what to really think of them and continued to stay distant. I’ve always respected respectful Gaylors. Eventually Jaylor/Toe broke up. I made a post about how this breakup affected me at the time. I am admittedly a very hopeless romantic. The general narrative of Jaylor/Toe was something I really connected to when it came to my wants for my own love life. So it effected me pretty greatly. But it did help open me to looking more into Gaylors. Maybe I was trying to get my hopeless romantic fix somewhere. But really I think I just felt free to do so while Taylor was publicly single; like I wasn’t “disrespecting” any relationship by doing so. I had already thought about looking into the Gaylors before, to the point where my paranoid anxiety disorder very very briefly wondered if I jinked Jaylor, so my Gaylor research wasn’t necessarily connected to the breakup. It just kicked it into full gear.

So, the idea of Kaylor to me. Pretty cute! It’d be a great story. And I think some theories are cool. There are some that don’t make sense to me, but there are some that are super interesting. I saw one that theorized that Taylor burning down the lover house was representative of her burning down this albums 1-10 era we’re closing in on so that the next era can begin with her entering a new phase in her career. Presumably in this theory, a phase where she’s out and gets to write songs about the people she wants to. I’ve seen the coincidences/Koincidences. All that sounds possible. I also get that Jaylor/Toe had inconsistencies in it’s assumed narrative, likely ‘cause you never know the full story of anything when it comes to celebs. I’ve heard the audio of Jack seemingly slipping up during that one interview. Yes, “Wonderland” could totally be about Dianna Agron. Yes, I want to take my future girlfriend to Big Sur now—what’s it to ya—it looks so cozy and sweet. Karlie and Taylor’s pasts are arguably more “parallel lines” than Taylor and Joe’s. I see the queer-coding and get that speculating Tay’s sexuality is arguably not invasive because that’s how queer people find each other in real life. We look for codes in other people. Hints they might give that they are queer. That’s a historical thing we do. She might queer-code a lot. I also see the evidence that Karlie didn’t betray Taylor (had no clue all this time the main source of evidence was Perez Hilton—the fuck? That’s not a good source). I also know that a lot of Taylor’s friends have referenced Gaylor lore very loudly, insinuating that Taylor doesn’t mind the theories. I’ve seen a lot. There is so much, and honestly, it’s fun to imagine all of this being right. I think it’s a possibility.

After all this research and contemplating, the only things I don’t care for in the fandom is the seemingly making fun of Taylor’s ex’s or beards that didn't do anything wrong to her. I don’t get what’s gained by calling Joe Alwyn rude names or censoring his name like it’s a curse word. I get and agree that bearding still happens and it’s super wrong, and you can hate what Joe might’ve represented in Taylor’s life if she’s gay and being closeted by managers or something similar to that. But why hate him or tease him personally? Especially since I’ve also seen some, typically half-hearted theories that Joe is also queer. Wouldn’t it be hypocritical to adore a closeted artist you admire, but personally hate her also queer closeted beard because… he gets in the way of a ship or narrative? Or because, by no fault of his own, Hollywood has a broken system that forces fake dating? Hate the industry, not him. Yes, he’s pretty aloof, to the point where when you tease him it feels like teasing a blank slate, but he is a human being with feelings. Maybe it’s the sensitive bullied kid in me, but it doesn’t seem light-hearted or no big deal to me. I’m not mad yet, just confused. Am I missing something or is sarcasm going over my head? Genuinely asking. This is really just a swiftie problem I think, as it happens in the general fandom too for similar reasons. I know this isn’t everyone in the fandom though.

I also don’t agree with the more… intense theories, such as Karlie’s son Levi (and her currently upcoming baby) isn’t real or not actually her’s. Or that she isn’t really Jewish and it’s all just a part of the bearding. That feels odd. Just… I feel uncomfortable touching that. Gaylors who believe these things seem to be in the minority though. I don't think being queer has much to do with being Jewish. Maybe she just wanted to convert and Josh also happened to be Jewish as well. And maybe Taylor could be like Levi’s stepmom-type figure and Josh is more like a sperm donor or something—I dunno…

If Taylor outright said that she was straight personally I wouldn’t label her as a queer-baiter because it’s not baiting to exist as you are. I think straight and/or cis people should feel comfortable with expressing things like gender-nonconformity or doing things like enjoying rainbows, and the fact that most don’t is rooted in that homophobia thing we’ve been trying to fight against since the 60s. And in my opinion real people can’t queerbait. But I get that this topic is a very nuanced one that can touch a nerve and you’re allowed to disagree with me.

I should also mention that all these opinions are exclusive to Gaylor. I’m not deep enough in other fandoms like the One Direction/Larry Stylinson or Fifth Harmony/Camren fandoms to really say anything on them specifically.

So am I a Gaylor now? I don’t know. Legitimately, do I get to call myself that? I do love, and always have loved, queer interpretations of Taylor’s music and other forms of media. I’m also confident in saying that I’m open to both Gaylor narratives and general narratives about Taylor being true. I can’t take either side as fully the truth while the other’s a lie, not because I’m shunning one of them, but because that just not how I work as a person. Nothing ever feels definitive to me unless it’s a fact in my face. I’m very factual. Not shunning Gaylors, this is just how I work. Would that count as a Gaylor? I truly don’t know.

So, Gaylors, I hope I was respectful enough to your community. If I said anything off, or anything that misrepresented your community, please kindly let me know and educate me. I’m still learning. I’m very sorry some of the swifties in this fandom are homophonic trash. I had no clue it was that bad till I saw what some people left behind in your post. Uncalled for. Taylor, queer or not, would not approve. Shade never made anybody less gay. If you’re a bigot what are you even doing in this fandom? Gaylors, just know you guys are safe with me.

Except me to now have a mix of general swiftie post and Gaylor post reblogged here (if I didn’t do that already—I might’ve without fully realizing). Thanks for reading and being respectful and kind!

🩷❤️🧡💛💚🩵💙💜

[likeadevils]

rank Lover for Lover anniversary?

ooooh boy alright let’s go

cruel summer: (this will be a long personal tangent btw) i remember when loverfest was going to happen and i didn’t have a car or money or anything so i didn’t even try for tickets and i was like. well it’s not a single so this might be the only tour she every plays it on and i was just kinda resolved to never listen to it live. and then eras tour rolls around and everyone is getting tickets to opening night and the biggest part of fomo for me is like. i just want to scream this song with my friends and i was like idk i hope at least a few of them think of me when they scream my url and then i luck into basically face value tickets the week before and im prayyyyyying its on the setlist AND THEN BOOM ITS ONE OF THE FIRST SONGS. NAD AFTER FIVE YEARS I GET TO BE AMONG THE FIRST PEOPLE TO HEAR THE SONG LIVE. and i was CRYINGGGGGGGG

the archer: genuinely made me the person i am today for reasons i can not express without getting way to personal. you might be going, claire, if it’s so important to you, why is it #2? and look man. taylor screaming out he looks up grinning like a devil is just that satisfying

lover: i love this song i listen to it all the time it restored my faith in taylor swift etc etc. now if i can rant about track listing for a minute. this should’ve gone after the archer like the archer leaves you with this note of unfulfillment and uncertainty and the beat never drops and then what does lover start with? this deep reassuring thrum of a bass. it allows the archer to have its artistic integrity and make its point about anxiety never fully dissipating and then BOOM they’re choosing to build a life with each other and she’s being vulnerable and the transition between the two enhances both songs

cornelia street: LIKE THATS HOW YOU TAKE A SPECIFIC AND MAKE IT UNIVERSAL LIKE!!! that one interview where’s she’s explaining the concept of the song and the interviewer goes “oh, that’s me with this bar. if my wife left me i’d never be able to go into that bar again” LIKE HELLO. ALSO THE CITY OF LOVER VERSION?????

daylight: like cmon now LIKE CMON NOW

soon you’ll get better: its a really good song it means a lot to me i think its expertly described

paper rings: on my first listen i could not stand this song and i can not tell you why it’s so fun and well made. apologies to paper rings 2019 claire wasn’t ready for you

inthaf: no because the speaker loses both of her gloves so the lover gives her one so they’re both a little cold and a little warm and neither of them are alone. like shut the fuck up

afterglow: THOSE DRUMS

ithk: so when lover came out i would take the bus everywhere and to get from one bus to the other i would have to walk through this big empty field with an abandoned parking lot in it and like no one was around so i would strut and dance and sing along to music and ithk was a favorite for my empty field time.

maathp: one of my first listen favorites! it’s fallen over the years but i still think the core of it— americas sweetheart falling from grace alongside america’s self mythology— is a really cool concept

false god: over the course of my first and second listens i ate half a jar of peanut butter with a spoon and i don’t remember exactly what point i started but i think it was this song

dbatc: i used to HATE the production of this song and over the years it’s risen but i must admit i’m still avoidant of it

london boy: it’s a bop but i am irish. american but still

yntcd: the step up of the oh-oh Oh-Oh- OH-OH OH-OH ᴼᴴ⁻ᴼᴴ is solidddd. also it’s cheesy and all and it’s not like i thought she was homophobic but it did mean a lot to me to hear taylor swift be so publicly okay with gay people

iftye: i listened to this while driving with the windows down to the beach once and you know what. song of all time in that moment

me: it’s fun! i don’t hate it! not my favorite though. obviously

the man: so to be fair this song was never going to live up to the killers song with the same title that i was Obsessed with in 2019 BUT it’s also just like. like it has some amazing lines and i connect with some of the sentiment but i like. idk i just don’t dream of being the oppressor yknow

[ifyoucandaniel]

Crimson Rivers as Reputation Songs

hi ive decided that taylor wrote reputation for Crimson Rivers and I'm sure you've all had the same thought, but i wanted to write down all the little ways i see them in the album and my interpretation!!!! soe spoilers for CR ahead so be warned! @mayzarbewithyou

…Ready for it?

jegulus!!! 

“In the middle of the night in my dreams / you should see the things we do, baby / In the middle of the night in my dreams / I know I’m gonna be with you / so I take my time” 

very regulus to james !! dirty scandalous man hehe

regulus talking quietly to James when they’re alone and not being watched and he opens up and tells james the things he dreams about for them

I see how this is gon' go / Touch me and you'll never be alone / Island breeze and lights down low / No one has to know

regulus at the beginning of the fic when he was in his parting gift era

"no one has to know"

Obviously the “baby let the games begin” is very Crimson Rivers of her!!

“I see how this is gonna go"

Regulus seeing the ending before it can even begin and never letting himself just want and have until be finally does 

“Knew I was a robber / first time that he saw me / stealing hearts and running off never saying sorry”

WHEN THEY WERE LIKE “ stole your heart, did I?” “Return it to me will you?” “No I think ill hold onto it for a bit more” IDK if that’s word for word but off the top of my head that’s what I remember and ??? That’s so them im???

“Every lover known in comparison is a failure” regulus after exactly one night and thinking Barty wasn’t as good as James LMFAO

End game

This one is also jegulus I’ve decided 

“Big reputation / you and me we got some big reputations / and you heard about me / I got some big enemies / big reputation / you and me we’d be a big conversation”

This is so them before their games!!! Like there isn’t a single person who doesn’t know their names and if they were in love??? They’d be a big conversation indeed

“I don't wanna touch you /  I don’t wanna be / Just anther ex-love you don’t wanna see / I don't wanna miss you  / Like the other girls do / I don't wanna hurt you / I wanna be your end game”

This is so James to reg. Like he wanted him to love him so badddd he just wanted to be reg’s endgame!!! He didn’t want them to be something only to be nothing to him later :(

“Knew her when I was young / Reconnected when we were little bit older / I Did Something Bad”

Them growing up and being in love so close yet so far and then when they’re older falling in love fr this time??? Yeah this is so them

Don’t Blame Me

dorlenes ANTHEM

“For you, I would cross the line / I would waste my time / I would lose my mind / they say she’s gone too far this time / Don’t blame me love made me crazy” 

You’re going to look at me and tell me this ISNT Dorcas meadows starting a WAR to save Marlene ???

“Lord save me my drug is my baby” 

Dorcas literally on her KNEES doing whatever she can to save Marlene oh my god they’re so in love they invented love 

“And baby for you / I would fall from grace / just to touch your face / if you walk away I’ll beg you on my knees to stay”

This is it. This IS their song it belongs to them and them alone I don’t care

Like dorcas went against both riddle and Dumbledore for Marlene. She made her own side and went against the person she’s been fighting for for years for the love of her life

This whole song is just so them!!! I love a woman on a mission <3

Delicate

Lilymary!!!!! Also wolfstar, but lilymary!!!

“This ain't for the best / My reputation's never been worse, so / You must like me for me / Yeah, I want you / We can't make any promises / Now can we, babe? / But you can make me a drink / Is it cool that I said all that? / Is it chill that you're in my head? / ‘Cause I know that it's delicate “

The first part is so remus to Sirius because he met him at his lowest point and still fell in love. they are the definition of love. Look up love in the dictionary and its them

Then lily <3 she was always so afraid of love and what it can do and how It can rip you apart, but she knows what she has with Mary is so so so special and she wants to treat them with so much love and care!! They have a delicate beautiful thing that she’s holding so gently!!

“Just think of the fun things we could do / ‘Cause I like you” 

When lily only wanted a fun time with Mary at first and wasn’t ready for anything else, but then going from that to just “it cool that I said all that? / Is it chill that you're in my head? / ‘Cause I know that it's delicate”

Yeah just them being so lovely and treating what they have with so much love and care 

Also very remus and Sirius learning to trust and tentative touches and gentle kisses and washing dishes together and !!!

Just delicate things

Look What You Made Me Do

this could go either way and a little bit of both between dumbledore and riddle. 

But either way it’s directed at Dorcas. 

Dorcas finding out the things dumbledore has done to ensure he wins this war HE started

“I don’t like your little games / the role you made me play of the fool / no I don’t like you / I don’t like your perfect crime / how you laugh when you lie / you said the gun was mine / isn’t cool / no I don’t like you”

Like we can all agree this is Dorcas @ dumbledore right? Okay cool

“But I got smarter I got harder in the nick of time/ honey I rose up from the dead I do it all the time/ I got a list of names and yours is in red underlined” 

DORCAS MF MEADOWS BABYYYYY she’s so cool wtf I want to be her and be with her I just need her 

“Oh look what you made me do” riddle bc he fucking sucks

But also Dumbledore when he made Gideon and fabion take the fall for dorcas

And dorcas when she started a war because neither side was doing anything so she took things into her own hands. 

Dorcas looking at Dumbledore and saying “look what you made me do” is so powerful!

Dorcas is a badass mf put some respect on her name I want to kiss the back of her hand so bad

Getaway Car

this is one of my favorites off the album and it is very much dumbledore and grindelweld. (unfortunately? idk bc zar did so amazing fleshing or their backstory that its fascinating and i dont like them as people, but their characters are fascinating and the PARALLELS mmmm so good)

“It was the best of times, the worst of crimes / I struck a match and blew your mind / But I didn't mean it, and you didn't see it / The ties were black, the lies were white”

Albus falling in love during the worst time of his life (best of times worst of times)

Grindelweld not seeing albus’ betrayal coming or maybe he did but the lies were white

"X" marks the spot where we fell apart / He poisoned the well, I was lyin' to myself / I knew it from the first Old Fashioned, we were cursed / We never had a shotgun shot in the dark”

He poisoned the well I was lying to myself- albus when grindelweld betrayed him and killed Ariana, he was lying to himself thinking grindelweld  wasn’t the man he was and that he wouldn’t do anything to get him  back

You were drivin' the getaway car / We were flyin', but we'd never get far / Don't pretend it's such a mystery / Think about the place where you first met me / Ridin' in a getaway car / There were sirens in the beat of your heart / Should've known I'd be the first to leave / Think about the place where you first met me

This part belongs to the moment when dumbledore finally kills him. 

Don’t pretend it’s such a mystery, think back to the moment you first met me- they were never going to have a happy ending and grindelweld should have seen it coming, they met during the hunger games where he was putting him and his sister in an arena to fight for their lives. They could never exist like they wanted to. 

“Until I switched to the other side, to the other side / It's no surprise I turned you in / 'Cause us traitors never win”

Albus turning on the man he loved, betraying him and killing him, but never winning. 

“It’s no surprise I turned you in”

Just thinking about dumbledore killing him and saying “don’t pretend it’s such a mystery” as if he would ever do anything less to avenge his sister, even to the man he loved.

Gorgeous

Regulus through and through

This song is literally his internal thoughts about James 24/7 

reg wrote this song about James I know bc he showed me his sad boy poetry and this was in there

“You should take it as a compliment / That I got drunk and made fun of the way you talk / You should think about the consequence / Of your magnetic field being a little too strong / you’re so cool it makes me hate you so much”

Liiiiike? Regulus coded. Taylor knows CR reg personally and wrote this for him

Him making fun of James because otherwise hell just talk ab how pretty he is and how in love he is

You're so gorgeous / I can't say anything to your face / ‘Cause look at your face / And I'm so furious / At you for making me feel this way / But, what can I say? / You're gorgeous”

ITS SO REGULUS.

Like come onnnnnn he can’t even look James in the eye most of the time bc every time he does he’s just a deer in the headlights

James is so pretty im in love with him 

Regulus get in line I wanna kiss James face so bad

“You should take it as a compliment / That I'm talking to everyone here but you / And you should think about the consequence / Of you touching my hand in the darkened room / ‘cus you’re so gorgeous it actually hurts”

God this is so regulus idk what more I can say

“Ocean blue eyes looking in mine / I feel like I might sink and drown and die” 

I know James eyes aren’t blue, but the comparison to regulus drowning in them is too good

“You make me so happy, it turns back to sad, yeah / There's nothing I hate more than what I can't have / You are so gorgeous it makes me so mad”

UUUUUUUUGH they’re so lovely im clawing at the wall I want what they have ugh ugh ugh

Dress

this is both wolfstar AND dorlene

“Secret moments in a crowded room / but they don’t know about me and you / there is an indentation in the shape of you / make your mark on me”

This is so CR wolfstar Zar might as well have written the song himself.

Secret moments in a crowded room but they don’t know about me and you??? You’re joking. Like it’s so them😭 Remus at parties as a server while Sirius is siting with sponsors like 3 feet away with hickies he left the night before?? Yeah 

“Say my name and everything just stops / I don’t want you like a best friend / only bought this dress so you could take it off” 

DORLENE DORLENE DORLENE

LITERALLY THEM. When they tried to be friends but Dorcas wanted so much more! Them being in love and being friends never being enough! 

When Marlene asked Dorcas to take her dress off!!! God I love them so much oh my god

“Everyone thinks that they know us / but they know nothing about / all of this silence and patience / pining and anticipation/ my hands are shaking from holding back from you”

WOLFSTAR <3 I love them so much. When the hallows think they have Sirius and Remus all figured out and put in their little boxes, the boy who give out sexual favors for sponsors and the servant to the hallow, but they know nothing about them

When they’re around the hallows and have to hold back from each other but all they want is to be in each other’s arms😭

Also dorlene!!! Again everyone  thinking they know Dorcas and Marlene and they have them in their little boxes, but Marlene would never be the girl they wanted or thought she was and Dorcas was literally undercover for a war. 

The pining and anticipation / my hands are shaking from holding back from you !!!! Dorcas and Marlene!!!! They’re so in love oh my god I love them sm 

“Flashback when you first met me / your buzz cut and my hair bleached / even in my worst times / you could see the best of me / flashback to my mistakes / my rebounds my earthquakes / even in my worst lies / you saw the truth in me”

This is so wolfstar and dorlene. Flashback to my worst times- Sirius knowing Remus saw both his games and has seen him at his worst and Remus thinking about grayback but even then Remus saw the best in Sirius and neither love the other less for their lows

Flashback to my mistakes- Marlene finding out about lily and despite not being together still hurting  because  it hurts! They’re so heartbreaking and I just love them so much

Call It What You Want

THIS IS CR WOLFSTARS SONG I DONT CARE THIS IS IT

“I brought a knife to a gun fight / they took the crown but it’s alright”

Sirius winning his games but never actually winning 

“My baby’s fit like a daydream / walking with his head down / I’m the one he’s walking to / so call it what you want”

Remus walking with his head down bc he’s a servant but he’s always walking to Sirius!

Sirius thinking Remus is so fit all the time and basically drooling nonstop- me too babe, me too

“My baby’s fly like a jet stream  high above the whole thing / loves me like I’m brand new”

Remus never paying attention to rumors and loving Sirius for him and nothing else, loving him like he’s all new and never been tainted by the hallows or the games 

“All my flowers grew back as thorns / he built a fire just to keep me warm / all the drama queens taking swings / all the jokers dressing up as kings / they fade to nothing when I look at him”

Sirius feeling like after the games he only destroyed things and like he grew thorns and ruins everything he touches, but Remus showing him he’s loved??? 

All the hallows trying to get their hands on him and sink their claws in but he only has eyes for Remus (specifically that one scene when Remus is working at the party and all the hallows are throwing themselves at Sirius but as soon as he sees Remus his eyes follow him all night and yeah them)

“ I’m laughing with my lover / making forts under covers / trust him like a brother / yeah you know I did one thing right / starry eyes sparking up my darkest nights” 

It’s literally them. That’s all. It’s them building trust and loving each other and laughing together and being in love.

“I want to wear his initial on a chain ‘round my neck / not because he owns me / but because he really knows me / which is more than they can say”

No you’re not listening. This is literally cr wolfstar 

NOT BECAUSE HE OWNS ME BUT BECAUSE HE REALLY KNOWS ME

Remus is the only person aside from his friends who can say they KNOW Sirius because Sirius let’s him know him. He KNOWS Sirius. All the hallows who want to own Sirius and to make him THEIRS don’t get it. Sirius could never be theirs because they don’t know him and  they never will. Sirius wants to belong to Remus because it’s his choice! He wants to belong to the man he’s built trust with and who KNKWS him. Oh my god they make me SICK. They’re so perfect 

“Would you run away with me?” Sirius to Remus all the time pls pls pls I love them

anyways I have to go do some work so this is all i have but i just love these characters so much and !!!!!

[female-buckets]

The five-time Olympic champion and WNBA's all-time leading scorer looks to break more records on the Olympic stage.

As Diana Taurasi steps off the court to take a break during USA women’s basketball team camp in Atlanta, she finds herself standing between the sport’s past and future.

On one side is Seimone Augustus, her teammate on three Olympic teams. On the other is Aliyah Boston, the WNBA Rookie of the Year, participating in the senior women’s camp for the first time. Taurasi, a five-time Olympic gold medallist, is the bridge between these eras of USA women's basketball.

The company she’s playing with has changed drastically from when Taurasi started her Olympic run in 2004. Dawn Staley, her teammate at Athens 2004, was her coach at the Tokyo 2020 Olympics. Augustus won gold with Taurasi at Beijing 2008, London 2012 and Rio 2016. Now, Augustus is on the committee selecting the 2024 team for USA Basketball. Even Sue Bird, who won five golds alongside Taurasi, has retired.

“In a lot of ways, it's my first Olympics too, because it's my first time around a lot of these young guns. And I've had such a great time really getting to know Kahleah Copper, getting to know Sabrina Ionescu, Kelsey Plum,” Taurasi said.

“It's these relationships. You play against them and you really don't know them, on a personal level, because my generation, we've kind of left.”

If Taurasi does make the national squad headed to Paris 2024, where the U.S. is looking to win its seventh consecutive gold, she will be 42 years old when the Olympics start. If she can win gold with Team USA, she will become the most-decorated team athlete of all time.

Getting these accolades, however, doesn't matter as much to her as continuing the legacy of US women in basketball.

“Every time I come to one of these camps, it gives me this hit of energy and adrenaline that we have so much to represent. USA Basketball is such an amazing culture of history and partnership, and teammates and all these relationships that you build throughout your whole career,” Taurasi said. “You put the jersey on for the next person, and people have done that for me and hopefully I'm doing it for the next generation.”

Taurasi just finished her 19th season with the Phoenix Mercury. She has three championship titles, leads the league in all-time points scored, and became the first WNBA player to pass the 10,000 point mark.

After making history time and time again, the thing that keeps pushing Taurasi to play basketball is that she still has that drive to win.

“Look, I’m a competitive motherfucker. I'm still very competitive at what I do. I still love to compete," she said. "I still love to get ready every single day. In my iPhone, I have a little countdown to Paris and if all the things line up, hopefully I get an opportunity to go represent my country. And that's what I'll do."

While Taurasi laughed off the idea of trying 3x3 basketball to have the chance to double up on her medal total, she said she loves how 3x3 brings the sport to its roots.

“I started loving basketball playing three-on-three. It was called Hoop It Up," the five-time Olympian said. "It was in Huntington Beach every summer and I played every single summer for the first eight years of my playing career. I love three-on-three so much: the blacktop, outside. There's this one-on-one competitive thing. But three on three is really hard. It's a young person game. It is physical. It is quick, it is fast, and I really enjoyed watching."

If we see Taurasi in a Team USA uniform in Paris, it will be for the five-on-five version of the game. To her, it’s not about adding to her medals or even breaking records. She’s done all that.

“The medals are cool, but the memories are better. Without a doubt,” Taurasi said.

[just-jess-78]

Things that didn’t break my heart:

Knowing that he has feelings for someone else and wants to see where it goes. Everyone deserves that. I honestly wish him the best. He’s not a horrible person. I’m thankful that he told me and I’m glad to know that he’s grown in that aspect because he certainly wouldn’t have done that in the past. I hope that he learns to let the next girl have a safe place to express her feelings no matter how hard they are for him to hear. Maybe she can teach him to communicate better and be more open sexually. I know that’s weird and leave it to me to throw something about sex in there but it makes me sad to know that he hasn’t ever had a connection like that with anyone. He doesn’t know what that’s like yet because we never had that. Not his fault not my fault just chemistry 🤷🏻‍♀️ I hope that he’s able to have kids of his own someday. I can’t have anymore and even if I could, no thank you. I love mine like crazy but no more car seat, sippy cups full of milk getting lost under the seat, I’m not in that era anymore.

Things that have crushed it into a million pieces:

Never asking if I’m ok.

Not handing me the chapstick before we turned the lamps off last night like he has for the past 15 years.

Trying to turn it into something I’ve done or not done instead of just letting it be what it is. He didn’t push that though and I think he only said it because he was scared so ehhh…I’ll list it but it didn’t crush me.

Being so easy to discard. Even though I know from both experience and our relationship that eventually he will regret it. Not in a vengeful way but I know that he’s going to beat himself up eventually… if for no other reason than the way he handled it.

Letting me unknowingly help him get ready to go meet her and then coming home late and still letting me get up to switch his laundry over once he came home and went to sleep. Knowing that I’d set my alarm and get up to do it for him because I always have.

Im kinda getting a little excited about where I’ll land next…I hate new houses and I’ve been miserable in this boring bitch of a house. I want an old one. I want it to be ugly to everyone but me and then I want to make it beautiful because that’s what I love doing 💗

What a bunch of babbling bullshit but I don’t give a single fuck because I’m so glad I choose doing something uncomfortable-ish instead of just keeping it all in my head. Now I have more room to grow.

P.S…lamp just went out and no chapstick. It didn’t hurt like last night but I definitely need to add my own to my grocery list. ((Singing)) “I can buy myself chapstick” or however it goes