#I’ve been putting of writing about this episode because there’s just so much to look at

[yui-kuromori]

There’s one episode in season 1 of AiB that I feel like I haven’t given the attention it deserved in my past analysis: Episode 4, the one that contains the game “Distance”.

Now, here’s one thing that I feel is really important when discussing this episode. The game “Distance” is a complete different thing in the manga. It’s arguably the most different episode when considering its manga counterpart. In the original story, this game is a “side story” meaning that no one from the main cast was a part of it. In other words, Arisu and Usagi never played this game.

Meaning that the entire narrative and subtext from episode 4 is basically show written, taking very few key points from the original source material.

Now, here’s what I think is really beautifully done here.

In the original, when Usagi meets Arisu, she, like in the show, asks him if he “wants to live.” Unlike in the show, Manga Arisu begins to angrily cry before yelling out that yes, he does want to live. Usagi, moved by his resolve and seeing in him herself after her father’s loss, agrees to his wish to keep going and nurses him back to health. Soon after they are taken in by the beach.

This show vs. manga deviation shifts some very core aspects of both Arisu and Usagi’s characters. More plainly by essentially shifting Usagi from a passive force to an active one. In the show, it’s her own decision to drag Arisu from the rain, her decision to drag him to a game. Essentially, her resolve is what inspires him. She saves him, and not the other way around.

Now, the second part of the episode, the game in itself is a beautifully written mini arc to basically get Arisu back on his feet after the 7 of hearts. As much as Usagi may have gotten him to this point, but ultimately, Arisu need to be the one to truly make the decision to keep on living.

So we get to the game venue, and we meet the other players. One interesting thing here is that those players directly mirror Arisu and his original friends, a protective fighter, an emotional, loyal thinker and a vulnerable, injured player, who needs his team’s help to keep on going.

As the game progresses and the other players start to die, Arisu basically sees from a third person perspective his own friends die again. He keeps pushing. Eventually Yamane, the sole survivor of the group, laments the loss of his friends, unsure how to keep going without them.

Arisu then encourages him “survive, and tell your wife and child all about them”, Usagi giving him a meaningful look as he says so. This is Arisu telling himself to keep going, fully taking the position of someone willing to survive. It’s also noteworthy that the color correction in this scene is extremely yellow, a color that in Alice in Borderland, can be associated with grief. The undertone is clear: Arisu is still grieving, his friends’s death still hurt him, but even still he’s choosing to keep going.

Then they find a motorcycle, a very underrated moment for Arisu’s character. It’s easy to imagine, that after failing to save his team’s life in the 7 of hearts, he would be insecure about his greatest attribute, his intelligence. Here, against all odds he’s using knowledge only he has to save a life they all thought was lost: Takuma. Once again displaying the courage that drew in Usagi during the 5 of spades, he chooses to risk his life to go back to the bus. “I will never survive because someone died for me”, again, with the yellow color correction in the scene, his grief is dictating his choice here, pushing on his bravery.

In the end, that bravery is rewarded with a GAME CLEAR for both him and Usagi. In the manga, it’s revealed that the “lesson” of this game is that your team mates should never be left behind. This is the moment, I think, that really defines Arisu’s way of playing games. To him, there always will be a way around the rules where people survive, this game only proves that to him, and in my opinion what allows him to later on beat the 10 of hearts.

Now, the game ends in a somber note. Takuma choosing to walk away from Arisu and Usagi with the empty promises that they may meet again. I feel like he shows what may have happened to arisu, if Usagi hadn’t found him. Wandering alone in the borderlands with little will to live.

The episode ends with Arisu dead set in finding the beach, honoring Karube’s last wish. He bikes away with Usagi, the entire scene tinted in light blue, Arisu’s color. He found himself once again, and now, literally carrying Usagi’s weight in the bike (a clever way to show the two way of their relationship, since she did carry him on for the first halve of the episode), he pushes on to the next stage in the games.

[thesiltverses]

A very big thank you

I posted this on Patreon, but really wanted to share it here as well:

Post-show life begins

For a long while now I’ve been getting up at 4.30 or 5am, grabbing myself the first coffee of four, and then coming to sit at my desk.

I open up the assembly cut of the newest TSV episode.

I listen to it, I try and pin down which scenes I need to be going back over today. I try and push through the entire morning without a break because when the momentum stalls, that’s what kills your release schedule. (I also worry endlessly about just how much of my hair is falling out, and how spending 12 hours a day wearing headphones could be contributing to that.)

Today was different. I still woke up early - it’s a hard habit to shake off, and probably a useful one going forward. But I didn’t go to my desk, and I didn’t put my headphones on.

I went to the rocking chair we bought for our son when he comes, and I sat there - gently swaying and trying not to spill my coffee all over it, because for some reason it’s fucking beige - and looked out over the city skyline. 

I slugged back my coffee surrounded by all the stuff we’ve panic-bought for the baby, and I got to take all of it in - washcloths and the changing table and romper suits - with a sudden focus and a clarity and a rising excitement that I really hadn’t allowed myself to feel until today, because until today the work was still unfinished and there was still much left to be done.

All at once I felt very free, and fully sated, and happy and proud for everything that’s coming next.

There’s so much to feel grateful for from the past three years of working on this show. But what’s probably going to sit with me the most is being able to arrive at that moment and those feelings today, - and we have all of you incredible people to thank for that.

Not just in terms of listenership or financial support, although that’s been truly invaluable and a lifeline for us that’s enabled us to actually make the show - but also your enthusiasm, your passion, your jokes and comments and everything that’s helped to keep us motivated and working on it.

So - with as much feeling as words can convey, thank you so, so much for everything.

What’s coming next, in rough order

#1: Parentdom is going to take over our lives for a while! I also want to write the final Patreon episode commentaries in the next few days, while I have the time and the clear memories. #2: The next thing we’ll organise will be the post-season Q&A (we’d also like to do some kind of off-camera cast party if we can make schedules work, just to say thank you to our amazing VAs and celebrate with them). Please do ask us questions! #3: We have long-unfinished commitments to the Patreon which I need to complete: the last two episodes of So Long, Good Luck, and rounding off Sid Wright’s story. As ever, huge thank-yous for your patience with these; they’ve just been impossible to polish off while also working on the main show so much. #4: Something I’ve been thinking about for a long time is the possibility of going back to Season 1 and redesigning it from scratch to try and bring it closer in style to S2 and S3. We have the raw audio files - some of the mic quality will just be rough no matter what, but we can certainly try.  This is something I want to be conscientious and careful about; I very much want to respect the sound design work that’s already taken place, and ensure we’re not overriding anything. But I do know that the initial quality still sometimes puts new listeners off; we were learning a lot about direction and mastering from scratch, and our designers were working with limited budget and a total lack of plugins, so there’s simply a lot more we can achieve now. (This would also be a good opportunity for me to finally rework the transcripts, another fallen hurdle). #5: A few months back, we were contacted by a literary agent in NYC who was interested in us adapting the show into a series of novels. There’s a long road ahead to actually get published, but I'm thrilled to say that I have signed with them and I’m really excited to hopefully start work on the first book once I’ve settled into dad-dom. I’ll need to check what’s possible, but if it doesn’t interfere with any contract condition I’d obviously love to share excerpts on here as it’s written. #6: Then there’ll also be another larger audiodrama project - we’ve spoken about the different possibilities before! Excited to get started on our final choice.

Just one last word about endings

God, endings are scary. Because endings are impossible.

How many serialised stories actually end in a way that’s received unequivocally well?  People yelled at The Sopranos for its ambiguity and open-endedness. People criticised Breaking Bad for treating Walt too sympathetically at the end and relying on a generic mob of snarling Nazis to act as his final foe.

Endings are either too pat and neat, or too inconclusive to be satisfying, or too surreal and dreamlike, or they simply make what feels like the wrong choices for the characters we care about. We’re all caught in that barbed wire, creators and audience alike, weighed down by the baggage of what’s come before and we've already spent so much time anticipating the infinite possibilities of how it could all turn out - it’s like we can’t get free of the story that’s trying to end. 

And the beautiful thing about these longform, iterative works is that they insist upon becoming completely ungovernable. No matter how much of a planner the creator claims to be, how much prepwork they carry out - they were never really in control. There’s spontaneity and surprises and dead ends and beautiful distractions that come spilling out along the way (I was baffled and delighted to learn that people really - at the end of the show, with such limited time to spare - wanted to find out what had happened to Eddie*). 

So they can’t end. Not really. There’s too much wonderful mess in them to ever be reasonably disentangled.

And, of course, for every ending people remember with frustration or dissatisfaction, there’s another hundred endings that nobody remembers at all, because we lost our enthusiasm along the way and it feels better to keep going back to the start and avoiding the slow decline. (Who the fuck remembers how the umpteenth X-Files reboot ended? What increasingly tired post-modern antics was Alan Moore getting up to in the final League of Extraordinary Gentlemen books?). I really just didn’t want the show to end up in that latter category.

All of that probably sounds like I’m warding off criticism about the show's ending, but for me it’s actually been the opposite. 

For an ending which is all about narrative dissatisfaction, and failed potential and missed opportunities, and how we need to come to terms with the lack of existential fairness and certainty and narrative control in our lives and keep ploughing forward all the same for as long as we possibly can, I’m massively stunned at just how positive the reception has been on here and elsewhere, and that’s something I’m actively having to process, because I think I was fearfully anticipating much more pushback.

But, look - the Eskew finale was originally quite poorly-received and then people came back around to it over time. So I’m not going to pat myself on the back too hard, because maybe it’ll ultimately be the opposite with this show, and that’s OK. For 200 years everyone was convinced King Lear was improved by having everyone survive at the end and get married. Endings take time to settle into their final condition.

For now, I am incredibly relieved that the ending we chose seems to have landed for most people, and I’m incredibly grateful for the lovely messages we’ve got about it and for the trust in us that you’ve all shown throughout the story.

So, yeah, let’s end with another thank you, because that’s what I feel so deeply and so forcefully at this point.

Thank you so much again, and speak soon.

Jon

*My take? We’ve established that the guy is in some kind of blue-collar job and has been pushed into constant overtime due to the reduced workforce. We’ve seen that the so-called ‘national holiday’ doesn’t actually rescue workers from their commitments. So I personally imagine that Eddie was working during the parade somewhere on the city outskirts, and is alive and well.

[melzula]

Could you write a Sokka x firebender reader that has the plot of the secret tunnel episode but instead of aang and katara getting stuck together it’s him and reader? :)

Don’t Let the Cave In Get You Down

a/n: got two requests for this sokka storyline and i was very excited to write it! i couldn’t find a way to seamlessly include the fire bending part of the request but i could definitely build on that in another piece. hope you enjoy <3

you met the Gaang when they were passing through a small trading village on the outskirts of the Earth Kingdom

they were low on supplies and in need of a shopping spree, so they stopped at your little food stand in search of fresh fruit and snacks for their travels

you seemed awfully young to have your own business, especially when compared to the other merchants, but you were kind and your prices were affordable

their shopping spree was cut short by the arrival of fire nation soldiers, but you quickly escorted them through the backstreets of the marketplace and helped them evade the soldiers

“That was a close call,” Aang breathed out in relief, “thanks for your help.”

“Those guys are jerks, I couldn’t live with myself if I had just let them capture you.”

“Who are you?” Katara asked in awe.

“My name is y/n, and I’ve been hiding out in this village for about three years now. I escaped from the Fire Nation when I was 12 and never looked back.”

“Wait a minute, Fire Nation?!” Sokka exclaimed before quickly pushing his sister and Aang behind him. Raising his boomerang in a threatening manor, he narrowed his eyes at you. “Is this some kind of trick?! Did you just lure us out here so you could capture Aang and get the reward for yourself?”

“Sokka, you’re being ridiculous!” Katara had scolded angrily, harshly pushing his boomerang away. “She said herself she came here to get away from the Fire Nation, I’m sure she’s just trying to make a better life for herself here and you’re not making that any easier for her by being a jerk!”

“I don’t trust her, Katara!”

You’re a little disheartened by the disdain in his voice when he speaks about you, and despite Katara vouching for you you can see that you’re out of place

“I’m sorry, I’ve made things awkward,” you apologized sheepishly, “I’ll leave you now.”

“Wait!” Aang called, stopping you from going. “If what you said is true then… then I think you should come with us.”

“Tell me you’re joking,” Sokka scoffed in disbelief

“If she’s from the Fire Nation then she must have knowledge about the ins and outs of that place. Maybe she can even help me find a fire bending master. We need her help, Sokka.”

Though he was reluctant and very distrusting of you, Sokka realized Aang was right, so he begrudgingly allowed the airbender to welcome you to their team

You agreed to help as much as you can, and the rest was history

From there on out you’re officially a member of Team Avatar, but that doesn’t mean Sokka becomes any more trusting of you

He always keeps a suspicious eye on you, never letting you help with tasks he deems too important to avoid having you “sabotage” the group

His lack of trust in you hurts, you can’t lie about that, but you continue to do what you can to aid the Avatar and his friends and earn their trust

Of course, this all changes when you get to the cave of two lovers

Unlike Sokka, you found Chong and his group of Nomads to be great fun. They’d braided your hair beautifully with flowers from the lake and performed wonderful songs, so despite your predicament you were in a cheerful mood

Being stuck in the cave had put a strain on your group’s mission to make it to Omashu, but you tried to remain hopeful and help as best as you can

Surprisingly, Sokka even puts you in charge of holding one of the torches

“I’m only giving this to you because I know you’re at least smart enough not to waste resources while we’re in here.”

It’s a start

And it’s a good thing he gave you that torch, because it comes in handy when you both end up getting separated from the rest of the group

“This is just great,” Sokka utters sarcastically after several failed attempts to dig through the rock and get back to the others.

“Come on, Sokka, lighten up. We have a torch and your map, I’m sure we’ll be able to figure something out,” you try to console. “What did Chong say earlier? ‘Don’t let the cave in get you down, Sokka.’”

He’s not amused by your singing

It’s a bit awkward being stuck with the boy who’s been so adamant that you don’t belong despite your best efforts to prove that you can be trusted

You don’t speak much and try to stay out of his way and follow his lead, but the tunnels keep changing and you keep getting lost and your torch is about to burn out, so things are beginning to seem hopeless

“Maybe we should try changing our strategy,” you offer only for Sokka to immediately dismiss you.

“Right, like I’m going to let you lead us through the cave. You’ll probably make us get lost on purpose.”

“You know, if you stopped being so judgmental for a second you’d probably realize that i want to get out of this cave just as much as you do!” You snap irritably, surprising Sokka. you’ve mostly stayed docile to try and keep the peace whenever Sokka accuses you of being untrustworthy, but at this point you’re finally starting to get fed up

“You’re right, I’m sorry,” he says softly, and this time you’re the one who’s surprised. You never thought he’d actually apologize to you, and it’s a nice feeling. “What do you suggest we do?”

“Well,” you start with a sigh, “maybe the story is right. Maybe if we trust in love, we’ll find our way out of here.”

“You’re joking, right?”

“Do you have any better ideas?”

You simply shrug, prompting Sokka to let out a heavy sigh. Your torch is going to run out soon, and his map isn’t doing anyone any favors. It seems you have no choice

“How exactly do we trust in love?”

“I’m not sure… the only love I know is the love I had from my parents, but I haven’t felt it in so long… I’m not sure I ever will again.”

“…What happened to them?”

“My parents were peasants with nothing but love to give each other. They were poor, but they were happy,” you explain with a faint smile. “My father was a fire bender, but he kept his gift hidden in fear he’d be forced to serve in the Fire Nation army. He didn’t want to leave me or my mother, but our home was attacked, and he had no choice but to bend to protect us. Our lives were saved, but he was taken away.”

Sokka hangs on to your every word, eyes glistening with unshed tears and sympathy. Your story is similar to his own, and he knows what it’s like to lose your family to the Fire Nation. He feels less disdain towards you now, more empathetic. He still isn’t 100% sure how to feel about you, but hearing your story makes you easier to understand now

“My mother knew I’d never be safe or happy if I stayed there, so she arranged for me to be smuggled out of the Fire Nation and brought to the trading village you first met me in. I haven’t seen or heard from her since, and I’m not even sure if she or my father are even alive.”

“I’m sorry,” Sokka utters solemnly. “Katara and I lost our mother to the Fire Nation, and we haven’t seen our father since he left to fight in the war. I know how you feel.”

“I don’t want to be Fire Nation, you know. None of this was a choice, and I understand why you don’t trust me but I’m not like them Sokka. Please believe me.”

“I’m sorry for always giving you such a hard time. It’s just… it’s hard to believe people from the Fire Nation can actually be good. But you’ve proven that you can be trusted over and over again, I was just too blind to see it.”

“Can we start over?” He asks with a sheepish smile, carefully sticking his hand out for you to shake. Instead, you push his hand away and throw your arms around him in a tight embrace.

The force of your hug knocks him back a bit, and though he’s unsure at first, he eventually returns your embrace by carefully wrapping his arms around your figure

The fire of your torch slowly begins to die, but neither of you seem to notice or care as you enjoy your moment together

You expect to be engulfed in darkness when the flame goes out, but instead you’re met with the beautiful shimmers of the crystals that line the roofs of the cave

“It’s so beautiful,” you murmur in awe, your eyes sparkling under the light

“Yeah,” your counterpart utters quietly, but he isn’t looking at the crystals

“Was she always this pretty?” Sokka wondered to himself

Together, you’re eventually able to follow the crystals and make your way out of the cave

And when you leave the cave, hands woven tightly together, you leave as two completely new people

You understand each other now, you trust each other

And your relationship will only continue to grow stronger from then on out

| atla tags: @sirkekselord @chronic-daydreamer @niktwazny303

[kdinjenzen]

My final words on Rooster Teeth & just SOME of my experiences there.

I’ve been waiting to say anything directly for a long time on this subject in hopes that something - anything - would change and get better, but it’s obvious that this is just “how it is there.”

So it’s time for me to finally say something about Rooster Teeth.

I joined the company, officially, as a contracted content creator and editor in February 2013. I worked to create a monthly video game news/release series. I produced episodes every month until I was officially hired as a full time content creator/editor in November of 2013.

From February 2013 until November 2013, I went entirely unpaid for all of my contract work. I was never given the payment promised for anything I did. When I was hired full time and I brought that up, I was told that “it’s been so long already, it’s not really a big deal is it?” And then the subject was never brought up again.

Within a few weeks of working at Rooster Teeth I was given a nickname, that nickname was a slur. Every day I came into work I was called “Fggt” - but they could not use that name in content so when anyone was recording I was called “Fugz” instead. For any fans who used that nickname for me for years, that’s what you were calling me. I couldn’t say anything about it, I had reported the use of that nickname for years to HR, and nothing was ever done about it and the videos that use that nickname for me are still up.

When Christmas rolled around my first year, 2013, I was given a “bonus” of about $100. Any money I had at the time was extremely helpful as I had nearly nothing to my name, so I was grateful for it. But a long time member of the company looked at me as I was handed my small bonus and scoffed “Why do YOU get a bonus? You’ve only been here for five minutes.”

In my first years there I would arrive at work around 7am (two hours before everyone else) to begin editing videos and would often have to stay until 9pm to get as much work done as possible. This was actively encouraged so we could have a backlog of content, but I was always given “rush orders” to edit more important videos to go out either the same day or next day. That’s when the crunch began for me and it did not end.

From that point on harassment started, and not just toward me. Any time I brought up mistreatment or that “making fun of people in content only encourages the community to hate us” - I was waved away saying “IT’S JUST A JOKE! Ignore the comments!”

This “ignore the comments” mantra was a way to excuse their own behavior. Anyone who was not “important” was constantly made fun of with no way to defend themselves or be part of the content in a way to defend themself even jokingly so. We were silenced at every turn.

Jeremy, Matt, and I tried to make content together as often as we could in those earlier days. And we rarely got the chance to do so. I remember being yelled at for making the Zelda video with Matt after it had already gone up because it was a “waste of time”.

During that time I was put into a position where I ignored my own physical health to focus more on work, which eventually caused me to come down with pneumonia. I spent several days in the hospital with a fever over 112F. When I was released I was back to work only a few days later and with the same work schedule.

Eventually I had enough from the department I was working for at the time and moved departments in hope that I would be better treated elsewhere in the company. I still loved the work I did, I loved some of the people at the company, and I believed that if I put my effort into it I could make things better for everyone.

The department I transferred to promised me a producer job and show running their new podcast while also being tasked to edit videos and sometimes write stories for news channel. I was never given the producer position in that department, I was never allowed even near the podcast unless they were “desperate for a last minute person”, I went entirely uncredited for anything I wrote for them, and I was pushed to edit 3 videos from start to finish every day with little to no turn around time so they could be posted immediately.

My hours in that department were 7am until 11pm.

I was crunching harder than before.

I wasn’t allowed to be in anything.

I had my name removed from everything I worked on.

I was put in an office where I was forgotten about and swept under the rug, people even IN the company forgot I worked there with how sectioned off and pushed aside I was.

In 2016 I came out as trans and many people at the company publicly voiced their support on social media.

Inside the company however, things got worse.

People had no idea how to deal with a trans woman, so I was interacted with even less and only trotted out every so often to show off “We Hire LGBTQIA+ People!”

It was only at this point where the nickname “Fugz” finally stopped being used all the time. Three years of content with that name being used toward me and all that content is still up.

During that time my acting manager began to harass me and lie to the community any time I was “planned to be on camera and couldn’t show up” - many times it was said to the audience watching that I “had already gone home” when I was in the other room crunching to finish my job and the work of my manager.

The harassment continued and I began to spiral into a deep depression, wondering what I could do, I eventually reported it to HR and the “solution” was that they brought in my manager who was harassing me into a Two-On-One meeting where the manager said “oh I’m sorry” and that was it. The way I was treated did not change at all and actively became worse.

I then went to one of the founding fathers of the company to express my concerns, and was told that I was “too nice to work at Rooster Teeth” and that I should “just quit and find somewhere else to work” - I was horrified.

At the moment I couldn’t do anything but feel horrified and powerless. I was an out trans woman in Texas in 2018 and was told “just quit and find work elsewhere in Texas” a state that actively finds ways to keep our rights from us.

Throughout my employment I also struggled to get the company insurance to cover my transition despite Rooster Teeth telling me that “Oh it’s all good” - because of their inaction and lack of help in this matter I amassed horrible amounts of medical debt despite being “completely covered” by them.

I still am recovering from this debt now as Rooster Teeth has been underpaying me for years, my raises were frozen by my manager at the time, and because of that I never received a proper raise even up until I quit earlier this year.

Until the end of 2020 I was paid around $40k per year as a Producer/Director. Far below the industry standard. If not for the help of one person fighting for me to be paid properly, I wouldn’t have gotten bumped up to the pay of the lowest paid person next to me. Which was nearly $70k. I was shocked that I was being underpaid by nearly $30k.

During the 2019 layoffs, I was actually one of the people affected. I was very nearly laid off as well, but was told to either move to LA and work there (at the $40k per year rate which is UNLIVABLE in LA) or be laid off immediately.

I agreed to move to LA, Rooster Teeth said they would be giving me $5k moving costs to pick up my life and move to LA by March of 2020. The money never was given to me and then COVID forced the company into moving to remote, meaning my job was actually saved by COVID happening.

Crunch during the height of COVID was monstrous. Every department was forced to push out more and more content and do more and more work to make up for “losses” - many of us were working 7 days a week and extremely long hours.

I helped run the 2021 Anniversary Stream Event, but in the middle of production I had to undergo life saving surgery and was told I needed AT LEAST two weeks rest before going back to work. The person I was working with to schedule that event took credit for all the work I did up to that point and then BLAMED ME for anything that went wrong with it because “I wasn’t doing my job” while I was recovering for major surgery and was on mandated medical leave.

BRGs (Business Resource Groups) were created at this time to help with representation issues inside the company. I did everything I could to help the other BRGs as well as the Queer BRG I helped lead. By mid 2021 I was told “we’ve done enough for the queer community” - which hurt to hear as I felt like we had barely accomplished anything and were still struggling to have accurate representation on screen as most of our PRIDE stream events featured mostly Cis/Het talent still.

During this time there was a lot of outspokenness for the mistreatment of minority groups inside of Rooster Teeth from former employees, lots of fans asked “Why didn’t you all do anything about it?”, to which I say actual ground level employees did everything they could. But we could only do so much.

At that moment I asked for transparency for how others, not just one or two employees, were treated in the company - myself included - and was essentially told that “the company is going through a lot right now just leave it alone”. How I was being treated and how others were being treated was once again swept under the rug.

I left Rooster Teeth because, despite thinking I could make positive change in the company, they proved that I couldn’t every step of the way. From 2013 until 2022, I did what I could to help my fellow employees, make positive change, and help the industry.

It’s also worth mentioning that for every bit of VO I did before I left Rooster Teeth, I wasn’t actually paid for any of it under the idea that “I was an employee, so I don’t need to be paid for VO.” In that case and the way it was viewed, I was paid less than $30 per hour for each of my VO sessions. Which is well below any industry standard.

But I was ultimately silenced and pushed aside.

This is all really just the surface level, there’s so much more I want to say but honestly it’s all so exhausting at this point and I’ve done everything I can.

I still struggle regularly with the emotional, mental, physical, and financial damage that was done to me over those years.

There are good people still working there, I’m friends with them, and I wish them the best.

TL;DR

Feb 2013 - Nov 2013. Unpaid Contract Work

Fugz = Fggt, reported to HR nothing was done

2013 Christmas "Bonus" $100. Long time members disapproved of said bonus

14hr work days, rush orders for same or next day videos

"Any time I brought up mistreatment or that “making fun of people in content only encourages the community to hate us” - I was waved away saying “IT’S JUST A JOKE! Ignore the comments!”" RT crunch caused pneumonia, no recovery period on return

Crunched harder, physically isolated "people even IN the company forgot I worked"

RT never fulfilled their deals promotion deals

15 hr work days

2016 came out as Trans, Transphobia harassment started

Acting Manager lied to the community and harassed me, HR did nothing and enabled harassment

Founding Fathers knew and did nothing. Said “too nice to work at Rooster Teeth” and "just quit and find somewhere else to work"

RT did not properly support medical insurance coverage

End 2020 Position Producer/Director, paid $40k. Next lowest paid person was $70k.

2019, forced to move to LA or get laid off. RT never paid moving costs. COVID forced remote jobs thus SAVING my job

RT INCREASES crunch during COVID

2021 Anniversary Stream Event. Had LIFE SAVING surgery, majority work stolen by coworker and blamed production failures on me during MEDICAL LEAVE.

BRG created to help with representation issues, mid 2021 RT said "we've done enough for the queer community" PRIDE stream events still mostly Cis/Het talents

Mistreatment of minorities in RT ignored "“the company is going through a lot right now just leave it alone"

Unpaid for VO work during tenure at RT, May Marigold and RWBY Fairy Tales included.

Handful of good people. Bad Company.

[lovelyo]

Season 3 part 2 will be Ass. Let me Tell You Why.

Cause in the end, Penelope, Lady Whistledown, the one who has left devastation in people’s lives will get all what she wants. The man that she wants, the attention that she wants, the family she always wanted to be(so envious of them she talked shit about them ), will get her best friend back, might have the heir for that dumbass Featherington plot line, might get the Queen’s pardon and above all else, will most likely not give up LW cause they made LW such an integral part of the show.(so in that case, she’ll be even more filthy rich)

And if we go by leaked spoilers, it is said that Colin will be mad at Penelope for like 1 episode until Kanthony talks some “sense” into him. So that just tells me Kanthony will be OOC because there’s no damn way Anthony would let that beast comment about his wife slide.

There are no stakes when it comes to this season cause we all know how it’s finna go down. If Penelope gets any type of consequences, then her very undeserved HEA is doomed so everything is going to have to go her way for the already idiotic plot to make some form of sense. It’s like the love triangle in part 1, what the hell was the point of Lord Debling when everyone and their ancestors knew Colin and Penelope were end game? So we can see Colin’s cringe angst? If we already know the answer to the love triangle, there’s no point. The “find you a husband” plot line was stupid as shit anyway, but it’s whatever now.

Ugh, then we have to sit through more awkward love scenes between asshat 1 and 2

Eloise threatening Penelope with her LW identity is going to amount to nothing cause we know Penelope isn’t gonna receive any comeuppance. Matter of fact, I wouldn’t be surprised if they made Eloise apologize to Penelope for…🤷🏾‍♂️🤷(let’s apologize to the toxic friend for not dealing with their toxicity)

For Penelope to have a happy ending, she has to get away scot free and that’s what boils my blood. I hate in media and literature when a character goes around, creates chaos and receives nothing for it or just a slap on a wrist. I’ve noticed an increase in it lately too. Also, I’m tired of writers not severing their bias from their writing. I’ve been encountering many series lately where the writer(s) have favoritism towards a specific character and gives them the easy route, bends the world for them and pull punches just because they like them so much. It’s really aggravating cause you see everyone else getting put through the wringer and then you see the favored character walking through Candyland. It hurts the story, the character, and frankly makes you hate the character.

Everyone around Penelope is gonna act brain dead in order for Penelope to get what she wants and I’m not here for it. Even the general audience ain’t for it. The only people cheering this madness are the asylum patients called Polin fans with delusions that Penelope deserves the world.

I’m not even looking forward to Francesca and John’s story cause of the Poolin fecal matter I’ll have to swim through to get there. At this point, I’m might just watch spoilers of part 2 cause it’s not worth it.

P.S. Watch Cressida get the short end of the stick cause she’s the “bully” of the show and Penelope is the “victim”. Watch them break Creloise because of the “I don’t want you hanging around Eloise” subplot which will ultimately fuel Eloise and Penelope becoming friends again. Also, Penelope and Cressida competed for Lord Debling just for Penelope to go “sike” and marry Colin so she wasted Debling’s time and made Cressida feel like shit because she wasn’t chosen. P.S.S- Polins are huge ass hypocrites cause they ragged on Eloise being privileged and having “everything” but are silent about Penelope being privileged. By the end of this season, Penelope will basically have everything, even more so than Eloise, but sure, Penelope is definitely not privileged 😑. Penelope is privileged inside the world and outside by production, why are we denying this?

[littlemissmiller]

Billy the kid but with kind of a Bonnie and Clyde action going on yk? Like partner in crime sorta thing

Yes ma’am…

𝒥𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝐻𝒾𝓂

Pairing: billy the kid x fem! reader

Summary: You and Billy have been tasked by Mr. Tunstall to break into the Lincoln jail to get some of his men out. In the thrill of the night and in anticipation of the war ahead, Billy finally tells you how he really feels.

Warning: 21+ (drinking), established relationship, smut, fluff, semi-public sex, p in v, no pullout

Word count: 3.5k

A/N: hey there! i was so excited to get to writing this (and apologize for getting it to the asker so late) but i wrote this before i saw the newest episode and wow it couldn’t have come at a better time…what a sweet little story y’all and I was absolutely clutch my pearls and wine watching that man take his shirt off like y’all 🥵 so i hope you all enjoy I can’t wait for next weeks episode ahhh ♥︎

≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫ ≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫ ≪ °❈° ≫≪ °❈° ≫

You knew breaking these men out if prison wouldn’t be easy. But you had Billy with you and he had dedicated his life to Mr. Tunstall. As you sit with him and plan you can’t help but feel anxious.

“I reckon we head out after dawn, ride into town and wait until shift change, then we’ll make our move…”

You nod and give your boyfriend a halfhearted smile.

“What’s wrong darling?”

“Just nervous…I mean I know it would be a great deal to free these men, but it’s so risky Billy”

He looks at you more intensely now and scoots closer to you. He trails his finger across your chin and turns you to face him.

“Hey…we got this. Besides you know I’ve done it before…” he chuckles

You nod and smile.

“I know, it’s just I haven’t…”

Billy leans in and gives you a quick kiss, his soft lips slowly melting your anxiety away.

“I promise no matter what you’re my priority. If you get hurt, I will have to leave them men behind to get you help. I won’t let you get hurt though okay?”

You nod and he kisses you again. You knew how much Billy cares for you. And you knew that he could practically have any girl in town. Even a nice proper lady, who wore the big day dresses and rode their carriage into town. You saw how those women looked at him. How they would die to be rebellious and show Billy off on their arm. But they didn’t get him like that. You did. Even though you were more of a cowgirl yourself and that’s really why Billy found you the most beautiful and worthy of his affections. Because you weren’t like most ladies your age.

You’re not dainty and frail. Billy saw that from the moment he met you. The way you confidently held yourself and spoke up when you thought things should be done differently. And your beautiful gaze that left him frozen and intimidated. He was in total awe of you from that day on. Yet, as you sit here with him you allow yourself to be vulnerable and scared. As he rubs his thumb over your cheekbone you try to understand why you feel so nervous.

Maybe because up until now you and the rest of Tunstall’s crew had been operating within the law and were not about causing trouble in town, but with Jesse Evans and his gang working on behalf of Murphy, things had been getting worse. So now you and the crew were being forced to turn to more violent means to protect the farmers and the county. Especially now that Billy was on Tunstall’s side.

“I’m glad you ended up joining our crew, Billy…”

“I’m glad I did too.” He smiles

As the sunsets, Billy is inside the ranch, cleaning off his gun and checking the barrel. You find him and bring him a bowl of ham and beans.

“I reckon we should eat before we go.” You recommend handing him a bowl and some cornbread.

He takes it and smiles. You pull up a stool next to him and sit. The row of you eat in relative silence, watching as the sun disappears behind the horizon. Soon enough, Billy stands up and heads into the kitchen putting his bowl in the sink. He washes his hands and you follow suit.

Your stomach is full with both a good meal and butterflies and you saddle up your horse. The air is colder now and Billy slips on his maroon cardigan and dawns his hat. You pull your jacket on as well and pull your hair back. As you get onto your horse, he helps you hold your hand. His fingers linger on your own for a moment.

“I always thought you looked so beautiful when you rode…”

“You just like how my body bounces…” you smirk

“That’s true, but I’m starting from where I am now, you look like an angel…here” he states handing you a bandana “eventually we’ll need to cover our faces.”

You blush and wrap the bandana around your neck. He hops up on his horse and ties his own bandana around his neck. You and him waste no more time and ride off into Lincoln. The ride itself is only about thirty minutes which allows you to get your nerves out and gain some confidence. As you and Billy approach Lincoln county, stop and look out onto the town. You slowly begin to approach, making sure to sneak in closer to the jail to make the getaway smoother. You look for a close enough spot to hide the horses. The jail is on full view now, close enough to walk to from the hill you and Billy are perched on.

“Ok when the guards leave, we’ll move in. Then we only gotta deal with the warden inside which shouldn’t be too difficult. But you’re gonna help me then ok? I’ll wait around out back and I need you to draw him from his desk. There won’t be any guards outside for at least three minutes, but that’s all we have got?” Billy explains

“I got it.”

“Then once you draw him away, I’ll Come in and we’ll lure him into a cell. I did the same thing down in Mexico. Worked like a charm.”

“That was one person, not two” you remember”

“We can handle it.”

You and him, sit on your horses, and look upon the jail, waiting and waiting and waiting until finally the guards outside begin to move toward the fence to leave.

“Ok let’s go.” Billy instructs.

You and him trot down the hill, keeping a slow enough pace as to not trip or draw attention to yourself. Once you reach the fence you dig out for a pair of wire cutters you had brought along. You cut the fence enough so you and Billy have enough space to slip in. He runs to the back of the jailhouse and you run up to the front. Billy hadn’t given you exact instructions on how to distract the warden, so you decide to get creative. You walk up and frantically pound on the door. You hear footsteps and make it look like you’ve been crying and out of breath.

“Help, please help me!” You plea

The warden steps out confused, looking around for the outside guardsmen.

“I’m so sorry to take you away from you you post sir, it’s just I got into Lincoln and have been running, my horse is wounded, this man is chasing me…” you cry

“A man chasing ya? What ya mean” he says, face scrunched up as he steps outside.

Meanwhile, Billy has broken in and you watch as he approaches the warden from behind, eyes peeking under the brim of his hat, bandana pulled up to hide his face. He clicks his gun at the back of the man’s head and you pull up your own bandana and pull your gun on the man. He frantically looks around for the outside guards, but no one has come to claim the post.

“Get back inside” Billy sneers and the warden listens, turning as you both follow him, gun still raised. Billy glances at you for a moment then back at the man, poking the gun to his head and pushing him inside the cell.

“I’ll go find our men… stay with him.” Billy instructs and leaves you alone with the warden.

You try not to focus on him, but make sure your gun has his full attention. A few moments pass and Billy is still not back. Then the warden sees the new night shift stroll in and begins to yell. You quickly knock him out with the butt if your gun and Billy rushes downstairs.

“We gotta go.” He urges, the other men following him out the back. The shooting starts and the guardsmen seem to notice things aren’t right. They start to yell and chase after you as Billy and the men run up the hill. You follow behind, but fall and trip over a rock. You scurry back to your feet, but one of the guards catches you, knocking you back on your feet. You cry out.

“Ahh help!”

“Go get the horses from over the hill!” Billy instructs the men, running towards you.

The man holds you down and you struggle to get away, kicking and cursing at the man.

“They send a little thing like you to do a man’s job hmm? Guess Tunstall was never a smart man.”

“Get off me you pig.”

“Shut up bitch, you’re going to go in this jailhouse now.” He stands you up and starts to drag you off

“Hey!” Billy shouts “You better hand her over!”

The man stops and whips you around. He holds you against his chest. His slimy lips press up against your ear as he holds you tight against his chest.

“I’m taking this pretty thing to the jailhouse and next I’ll take you.”

Billy marches forward, drawing and raising his gun.

“Let. Her. Go” he grits and the man merely laughs. Billy waist no time and shoots him in the shoulder, then another one to his thigh causing him to release you and fall down. The guard wasn’t dead, just injured enough to keep him away. Then the other guards catch up as well and start to shoot at Billy and the rest of the crew as the other men come back with the horses. They get off and start shooting.

You start to shoot too, taking cover behind the horses, while Billy tries to shelter you. He takes aim at the guards firing and trying to avoid the returning bullets.

“C’mon we gotta go!” One of the men yells out. Billy takes a few more shots and in the distance sees the sheriff riding towards the jailhouse.

“Shit!” Billy curses and you take one last shot. It hits another guard on the thigh and before you realize you’re being hoisted up onto the saddle by Billy. You and him ride together on his horse, while the two men take the other horse.

Out of breath, Billy continues to check on you the entire ride back asking if you’re okay or hurt. Once back at Tunstall’s ranch, Billy helps you off the horse and inside. The rest of the gang are delighted to see Billy and you got the boys out.

“Good work Billy.” Charlie slaps his back.

The rest of the group heads inside while you put away the horses. Billy waits for you. You walk back to him once the horses are tied up. He pulls down your bandana, and you smile.

“You’re a real cowgirl ya know that.”

“I ain’t half the shot you are though.”

“Is that a requirement?” He asks as you wrap your arms around his waist

“Not necessarily, but don’t change the fact you are one.”

“Well then…Mr. Bonney…” you tease “I guess you are too then?” You kiss him deeply, placing your hands flat on his chest and leaning on your toes slightly. He holds your face in his hands, returning the kiss with equal fervor. You could have stayed out there all night with your lips on his. The warm night draped around you like a blanket and the warmth of Billy’s mouth turning up the heat. He moves his hands to your own waist, pulling you closer.

“Hey Billy!” Charlie call out

Billy pulls back, whipping his head around

“Sorry…Tunstall wants to see you”

Billy nods and Charlie heads back inside. Billy turns to look back at you and you both head inside. You join the rest of the men, grab a drink, and make conversation with Charlie. Billy heads into Mr. Tunstall’s office and closes the door. Soon enough he comes back and you excuse yourself from the conversation as he walks back outside.

“Hey!” You call to him “What did Tunstall say”

“Just taking next steps.” He states to you briefly. You could tell something is off and you touch his shoulder

“Billy…”

“Tunstall says a war is coming…that Jesse and the rest of Murphy’s gang will come for us sooner rather than later. He wants me to be prepared. To help lead us.”

“Oh Billy…” you rub his back.

He moves to stand in front of you and smiles, pushing your hair back. He looks past you, takes your hand and leads you to the side of the ranch. He looks around before pinning you up against the side of the house and kissing you deeply. You return his passions, moving your mouth with his. He grabs your waist and you fling your arms around his neck. He kisses you harder and your head bounces against the wood, causing you to grunt.

“Billy, sweetheart, what’s up.”

“I just…I just don’t want to lose you in this war. I feel like I got too close today. “

“You ain’t gonna lose me Billy. If anything I should be saying that about you…”

“I-I love you…”

It was the first time he’d said it openly to you. Sure you two knew it. The unspoken affections and unconditional care for each other. You hadn’t been together long, but you knew it was true.

“I love you too William Bonney..” you whisper, pressing your mouth back onto his with a searing kiss.

You love how soft and encompassing his mouth feels and as his passions overtake him, he’s practically consuming you. He holds your face gently through, not wanting to be too aggressive. You love it. The way in which he holds your face. The way he can’t seem to get enough of you. You love feeling overwhelmed by him. He pulls back, asking a silent permission if he can continue. You give him a devilish smile and take his wrist, leading him away from the side of the house. He trots after you and you playfully run towards the barn.

You open the door and look around. It’s empty because the horses are tied up outside and for once doesn’t smell. Billy catches up to you, swings you around, and pushes you up against the wooden beam. Cupping your face, he picks back up where he left off. You moan against him and his hands begin to explore your body, sending waves of pleasure through your veins. He smiles and gasps against your mouth, pulling back to admire you.

“You know you’re the only girl I’ve ever said that to…” he breathes

“Really…”

“Really… and I mean it” he smiles

He can’t help but kiss you again. He loves the way your mouth feels against his, loves the way you can’t help but moan for him, and loves how you love him back. You hold the back of his neck, fingers tracing the back of his neck hairs. After a few moments of you and him like this you pull back and Billy dives in for your neck, holding your jaw and the base of it as he starts to suck and nibble. You hold his head against you, hips starting to move against his pelvis, building up more and more of the heat that was coursing through your body. You look around and spot Mr. Tunstall’s empty stagecoach. You push back from the banister, holding his face and he continues to kiss you. He stumbles forward and you look behind, eyeing the stagecoach once again. You pull away and pull him by his shirt to make him follow you.

You bite your lip, glancing at the stagecoach . That’s all you have to do for Billy to know exactly what you’re saying to him. He gives you a boyish smirk that turns into a soft chuckle. He starts to unbutton his shirt as you pull him back more and more until you both hit the doors. You open it and slide in. There isn’t much room, but you and Billy manage.

“You really want to do this here” he breathes

“Ain’t like we are one for following rules…now are we Mr. Bonney.” You tease, loving to throw around his last name like that.

“Fuck darling…come here.” He leans back down and starts to undo your pants. As you work your mouth against his, you fiddle with the rest of buttons on his shirt and then his suspenders. Billy starts to undress you as well, undoing the buttons and pulling your pants down. He slides your bloomers off as well, and then works to take your blouse off. Meanwhile, you’ve successfully rid him of his shirt, leaving the top half of his body bare for you. You admire his toned body, glad that his years of hard labor are gifting you with the sight before you. He tends to go for the top part of your undergarments until you're completely exposed to him.

Billy and you have been intimate before, but with things starting to heat up in Lincoln, you and Billy have found much time in the last week or so. And especially now that he’s declared his love for you, you’re both all too eager. As he kisses you, his hands cup your breast, the moonlight shading your cleavage perfectly. He starts to massage it, slowly, but not too gentle. You work to undone his pants as he works you, sliding them off, and he eventually wiggles out of them and kicks them off. He’s half hard, and you reach for his length, pumping him slowly. He reciprocates your actions drawing his hand down to your core, the feather light feeling of his fingertips tracing your figure.

He starts rubbing you once he gets his hand in-between your legs. Billy can’t decide on if he wants to kiss you or watch you as you come undone for him. He goes back and forth in between the two, your melodic moans filling the cramped stagecoach. He slowly gets more and more hard and he wiggles his hips closer to your own. You giggle ever so girlishly.

“This feels so different…”

“A good different?” He asks

“Mhmm…” you nod. “It's a little dangerous. I like it.”

“Because we can get caught” he smirks

You bite your lip “I wouldn’t mind getting caught with the man I love.”

With that he smiles, starts to kiss you again and slowly pushes himself inside. He feels so incredible and full. He bottoms up and looks down at you. He pushes some loose baby hairs away from your face and gasps. You flatten your hands against his chest at first, feeling his clean, smooth skin, before wrapping them around his neck. He starts to move and you draw your legs further apart and towards you. He rocks in you, picking up his pace, trying not to move the stagecoach.

Intimate moments were always good with him. It’s safe to say that Billy knows what he is doing when it comes to pleasing women. But sometimes about having him now felt like it was for the first time all over. Maybe it was the thrill of getting caught or maybe it was the fact that now you know for sure this man, this unbelievably handsome man, loves you.

He ruts into you deep, causing you to grunt and cling to him tighter. He moves his hips more, faster adding to the sensations of your pleasure. You raise your leg up and wrap it around his waist. He grunts, the pressure on his back pushing him deeper in you. He moans against you, his mouth falling to your jawline and neck again. He props himself up more in his hand and moves his other hand down to rub your clit. You buck your hips against his hand, only adding to your pleasure. He grins against your neck, picking up both the speed of his hips and fingers.

“Fuck fuck fuck…Billy… ya gonna make me cum…”

“Please cum baby. Cum on my cock fuck…”

The stagecoach begins to rock more. The heat pooling in your stomach builds and burns your core. You love the thrill of being intimate with Billy like this. The idea of someone finding you and him like this, walking in, while Billy is filling you up with pleasure. A few more thrusts and you’re finished. You clench down on his length, moan into his neck and cling onto him tight.

Soon enough, he’s spent himself, thrusting into you until he stops. His thick white cum coats the inside of your walls, filling you up in a new way. He stays in you for a moment, gazing into your eyes and catching his breath. He rests his sweaty forehead against your own, painting He kisses you softly, lips melting to your own.

“You’re incredible, you know that?” He whispers

You smile at his words, holding him tight. You never wanted this to end. From here on out you knew, it would be just you and Billy. No matter what.

꧁✵❈✵ ꧂

[radiant-reid]

sweetness! i’ve got the episode “derek” & i got to thinking when the figment of his father says “there’s a moment when you realize you love a woman & the moment you realize you’re gonna marry her” & was curious, what do you think those moments are for spencer? & bonus (if you’d be down to write it obviously) the same concept but vice versa? like when the “i <3 spencer” switch flipped & knew they’d be life partners? 🫶🏻

aw this makes me sad but in a good way. also i only did spencer's because i feel like they vary by person, hope that's okay

When he knows he loves you

"What do you mean you've never had frozen yogurt!?" You ask Spencer in total shock.

You've been playing what's become a regular back-and-forth game of confessions on those increasingly frequent occasions when you can't sleep. The BAU, or more specifically, the east-west time zone difference, wreaks havoc with your sleep schedules. Tonight, the sleepover is at his place.

Spencer's not complaining. Not being able to sleep isn't as bad when he has someone to talk to and doesn't have to stare at the walls and think about the case.

"Never." He laughs a little at your shocked reaction. "The germs on the little spoons put me off."

"You're missing out." You inform him, getting up from where you've been laying in bed and holding hands.

He frowns, sitting up and watching you walk around his bedroom like you know where everything is. You practically do. "What are you doing?" He inquires.

"It's what we're doing." You say, turning to look back at him after you open his bedroom door. He's still frowning. "Going to get frozen yogurt."

He stands up and follows you, still unsure. "You're serious?"

"Completely." You assure him, grabbing your keys and slipping your shoes on. "And I'll make yours for you."

You hover by the door on your phone, figuring out where the nearest shop is, he presumes while he slips his shoes on. "Should we at least get changed?" He asks, looking in the mirror by the door at his messy hair and pajamas.

"There's no time." You announce. "You cannot go an extra ten minutes not having had frozen yogurt."

Spencer holds the door open for you, reaching for your hand before turning back to lock it. "You're crazy, you know?"

You nod. "That's why you like me."

He smiles the entire car ride, head against the leather headrest as he asks you what toppings are best, and you tell him about all the good memories of getting frozen yogurt with your friends and family.

The looks you get are odd. Being the only customers in the store, your loud giggling doesn't go unnoticed by the bored cashier who's probably wishing they were somewhere else.

"Okay, what do you think?" You ask once you're back in the car, parked on the side of the road.

He hears the excitement in your voice, how you anxiously hold your cup and anticipate his reaction. Dramatically, he tries it, scooping ice cream, toppings, and sauce at the same time, and taste tests it like he's a judge on Masterchef.

"Good." His judgment comes.

You scoff. Your face shows pure joy, a wide grin, and the sparkling eyes he adores. "Spencer, just good? Come on, don't you know a million words?"

"Marvelous, delectable, exquisite." He offers, returning your smirk.

"Much better." You approve, sticking your spoon out to try some of his. He gasps, pulling it away. "You have to share. That's the rules of frozen yogurt."

He relents, holding it out for you to take some, and taking some of yours in exchange. "Wow, I'm so thankful I didn't let you pick for me." He teases you once he's tried what you like.

You roll your eyes, shoving his shoulder playfully. "You're so mean."

"Sorry, sorry." He apologizes, leaning forward to kiss you to make up for it. You kiss him back, making out with him like you're fifteen again, but he pulls back before it can get too heavy. "You've got to brush your teeth first."

You giggle at him. "Alright, we have to get home then because that's the plan for the rest of the night." You say, winking at him.

Spencer avoids choking on his ice cream at the proposition. "I mean, you're in charge, so I have to do whatever you say."

You grin at him, turning the car on. "I like this color on you." You say, and you're not just talking about the underlying sexual remarks. It's the way he's almost carefree with you, a side of him only you get to see.

You squeeze in conversation on the drive, but it's more eating than joking. He looks over at you while you drive back through the city, the warm summer wind in your hair, some frozen yogurt on your upper lip while you laugh at him. You're the first person to do that genuinely and so much.

It's how you inspire him to be who he wants to be. After being stuck in a box of seriousness for so long, he can just have fun and be a young adult for once. That's what he loves about you. And it hits him just like that, all at once, but in a way that's not overwhelming.

"Just take a picture." You joke, noticing his eyes transfixed on you. "Or you'll get more on your shirt."

He hadn't realized he'd missed his mouth until you point it out. "Just keep your eyes on the road." He quips.

"Can't help it." You tell him. "You're too perfect and really pretty."

He's even cuter when he blushes, and that's what you achieve with your compliment. "I think you're perfect." He replies quietly.

When he knows he wants to marry you

He's a little bit nervous about introducing you to his mom, wanting to make sure she's having a good day before he takes a very important step in your relationship.

He knows it has to go well. He needs his mom's approval, and it will kill him if he doesn't get it because of how much he loves you.

It seems like fate is working in his favor because you're in Las Vegas for a case, and Hotch agrees the team can have the night to blow off some steam.

For you, that means going to meet his mom. You can tell Spencer's freaking out about it on the way, gripping the steering wheel too tightly.

"Baby, it'll be okay." You assure him, squeezing his hand.

He's not sure why you're doing the comforting, but he's glad one of you is calm. That's the way it's often been with his overthinking nature.

"I know." He agrees. "I just hope she's having a good day."

You know about his past by how after one nightmare he had about it. "Either way, we'll be fine."

You distract him with a different conversation after that, playing with his hair between the headrest. When you get to his mom's facility, his phone rings almost as soon as you walk in the door hand-in-hand.

"It's Hotch." He announces, reading the caller ID. He knows your boss wouldn't be calling without a reason, and that means he has to pick up. "Just wait here and I'll be back in a minute." He instructs you, nodding to a bench in the reception area.

You don't, he realizes, when he comes back in after answering Hotch's questions about the case, and he anxiously walks through the facility to find you and his mom talking like you've known each other for years.

"Hey." You notice him, shuffling over so he can sit next to you.

He hugs his mom first, whispering about how much he's missed her. She shoots him a look that he knows means she approves, that she's impressed even before sitting next to you.

You run your hand over his back comfortingly. "Your mom was just telling me about baby Spencer." You fill him in.

That's enough to do it for him, knowing that in the five minutes he's been away, you've managed to make a connection with his mom without him being there. He's talked about how important she is, but he really can't believe you care so much that you put that over any anxiety you had about meeting his mom. It hits him then that it shouldn't be such a surprise: you would put his worries in front of him a million times. He sees you going extra steps for him all the time, and he's still wowed by how big your heart is.

But he has to play those big feelings off quickly. "Oh no." He groans playfully. "That means the photo albums are about to come out."

"Come on." You encourage him. "I bet you were so cute."

"He was." Diana agrees.

You hold his chin, grinning at him. "He still is."

It's a while after sharing childhood stories and memories that you excuse yourself to use the restroom, and he's left with his mom for the first time on that visit.

He doesn't bother asking her what she thinks. That answer is clear from her persistent smile. "You have to talk me down." He says. "Because I'm about to run off to a wedding chapel and marry her right now."

"While I think she deserves more than a tacky strip wedding, I'm going to be there." She assures him. "And this is everything I've ever wanted for you."

[from-the-clouds]

moonlight on the river - joel miller x reader

masterlist | song inspo

summary: Joel has been many things to you. A dealer, a mentor, a friend, a lover. Lately, it’s the latter.  Sometimes he’s none of those things, or a handful of them, or all of them at once. And it’s up to the both of you to decide in the moment which things are true. Takes place during episode one of the TV series. pairing: joel miller x f!reader words: 2.4k warnings: angst, fluff, good ol' fashioned hurt/comfort. depressive thoughts, reader sort of has a death wish, references to alcohol/drug abuse, death, loss of family members & loved ones. implied age gap, references to casual sex, heavy petting (no smut). a/n: it's been months since i posted a fic on here! some of my best work comes when it’s 2am, i’m emo and touch-deprived and i have an 8am appointment so i stay up until 5am to write. this was actually supposed to be fully a fluff piece but the angst queen had to strike.

You wish you could drown in the pile of blankets you’ve wrapped yourself in. Wish the couch would swallow you whole, like a whale, then drag you down to the deepest depths of the ocean and leave you there until you can’t hold your breath any longer, until the cold pricks the tips of your fingers and toes, until you succumb completely. 

But in some ways, you’re already existing like that, in the sea-level equivalent of the Marianas Trench. One of those sea creatures that look not of this Earth, features warped – adapting, evolving, surviving, despite your environment’s best efforts to eradicate. Your mother had once shown them to you in her old textbooks and shown you the photos of anglerfish, frilled sharks, phantom jellyfish. The memory of your mother makes you wince, and you try to think of something else.

How anyone else around you managed to put on a brave face and make their way through each day was beyond your comprehension, even though you do it, too. They probably all feel the same way about it as you do, but no one talks about the collective trauma you’re all slogging through. No one has anything new to add, and it’s foolish to believe that anyone’s insight could somehow take the pain away. Even if you have a chance to tell your story, there is always someone who has it worse. 

Get in line. 

Exhausted as you are, you don’t sleep much. Most of your nights are spent at the precipice of unconsciousness, and you can never quite make it over the edge, the helicopters, radios, sporadic gunfire always manages to rouse you first. When you do manage to sleep, you’re plagued with nightmares. You prefer perpetual fatigue. 

A knock at your door comes suddenly, and you start, sitting up quickly – but quietly – to not alert the unexpected guest that someone might be in the tiny studio you call home. It’s well after dark, which makes you doubt that whoever, or whatever is at the door, isn’t there for a friendly drop-in or a cup of tea, not that friendly drop-ins or cups of tea ever happened. 

But before you grow too panicked, your name is muttered, accompanied by another impatient rap of knuckles against the hollow wood. It’s a familiar rasp, even-toned and calm, and your shoulders sag in relief before you abandon your post on the couch. 

“Joel?” you ask softly, squinting in the dim light of the hallway through the crack in the door. He doesn’t look any different, though it’s been about a month since you’d last seen him. You’re not sure what to expect, but he’s the same as always, wearing a worn, tight denim shirt and fraying jeans. He looks tired, but you can’t recall a time when he doesn’t. Everyone looks tired all the time, it just only concerns you because it’s him. 

Not waiting for an invite, he steps through the small opening you allot for him and into your place, wordlessly.

“What the fuck, Joel, it’s past curfew are you trying to get yourself killed?” 

“I’ve done worse,” he says, dismissively, and yanks the door from your hand to close and lock it behind him. 

You don’t argue with him. You rarely do – which you think is partly why he likes you – but especially now, you don’t have the energy. And when you do, he’s too stubborn to listen. 

Joel has been many things to you. A dealer, a mentor, a friend, a lover. Lately, it’s the latter.  Sometimes he’s none of those things, or a handful of them, or all of them at once. And it’s up to the both of you to decide in the moment which things are true.

So when he steps forward, crowding you backwards until your rear hits your kitchen countertop and you have nowhere to go, you don’t ask questions. 

His hand cradles your chin, tilting it back to look into his sad eyes, and he kisses you. For a split second, it’s chaste, and you’re almost confused, until it’s suddenly not, and his grip on your jaw tightens, his lips parting. Joel stakes his claim, his free hand winding into your hair and pulling. You sigh, closing your eyes. 

He moves both his hands to cup your ass through the flimsy athletic shorts you’re wearing, lifting your hips up and against him, making to carry you to the bed, or maybe even take you on the countertop – it could be one of those days. Everything he’s doing would normally light you on fire, and there’s a primal instinct that’s telling you you like it, but for some reason, you hesitate.

Joel senses it right away. You’re not sure how. And you don’t want him to. You’re prepared to submit, even though you feel numb everywhere, because you hope for the chance to feel something, anything other than what you’ve felt the last few days. He pauses, too, pulls back. 

You expect to meet his eyes when you look up at him, but they are fixed on something else. Tugging on the collar of his shirt, you try to kiss him again, but he doesn’t budge, until you follow his eyes. An empty bottle of liquor sits on the bar behind you. Fuck.

“You’re drinking again.” It’s not a question.

“That was actually from yesterday,” you say, like it would make any difference. The remnants of a hangover have been tweaking your temples all day, biting the back of your eyes. It was half empty when I got it. It was just one night. I can have a couple drinks without getting out of control. Your brain cycles through several more excuses before you decide not to waste your breath. 

“What did I tell you about this?” He reached behind you and lifted the bottle, holding it in front of your face like you hadn’t been able to see it clearly enough before. 

“You should talk,” you don’t like being cruel, but you’re already desperate to end the discussion. He’s probably drunk or high right now, but it’s none of your business, and you’d given up trying to save him a long time ago. 

You shift your weight to lower yourself off the counter and move away from him and the once-inviting warmth of his embrace. Joel doesn’t let you make it far, reaching out to grip your upper arm and tugging you back to face him with little-to-no effort on his part. His strength always startled you, even though it shouldn’t, considering his size. It also should’ve scared you, but the manhandling mostly just turned you on. Not enough that you were going to keep letting him lecture you.

“It’s different. You’re still so young.”

“What does that matter?”

He doesn’t have an answer. 

You lift your chin, squaring up to him. “That’s what I thought.”

He puts his hand on hip and studies you carefully. Despite your attitude, you’ve never liked disappointing him. He’s the closest thing you have to a father, which you can recognize is an awfully fucked up way to feel about someone you regularly have sex with, but you lived in an awfully fucked up world.

There’s a wistfulness to Joel’s expression you’ve never seen before. He chooses to change the subject, and you’re thankful until what he says registers. 

“I’m leaving town tomorrow night. You might not see me again.”

It takes a moment to process, but it hits you like a blow to the gut. So hard, you’re surprised you don’t stagger backwards with the force of it. Even when it settles, you know it hasn’t even sunk in all the way.

“Well…” you take a long, thoughtful pause, and offer the only thing that your brain can come up with, “....stay safe out there, then.”

“Yeah,” he runs his tongue over his teeth and squints at you. “You want to tell me what’s going on?” 

Snorting, you know it’s important to remain as blase as possible so you don’t cry. Although, you don’t really cry anymore. Even when you want to, the tears never come. At some point, after watching every person you’ve ever cared for die in uniquely devastating ways, you must’ve reached your lifetime limit. 

“I know you. Something’s up.”

No, you don’t! You want to scream, but that would be a lie. It’s been three years since you met, maybe one since your….arrangement, or whatever you’d call it, had begun. 

How the two of you had become so close was a mystery even to you. It’s not like you were charming or charismatic, or willing to put up the innocent act. You didn’t try to inflate his ego, which most men loved. At first, you didn’t even really like him at all. That changed with time. Somewhere along the way, things just clicked.

“It’s nothing that no one has ever felt before,” you shrug. Joel has his fair….or rather unfair share of demons, and is the last person you want to complain to. Most of the time, he’s unflinchingly guarded, but he’s shared enough – secrets whispered in your ear while tangled in damp sheets, your hand on his chest, feeling the steady thump of his heart – to make you wonder if you have it so bad. Focusing on a fixed point, a crack in the tiled floor, you avoid his eyes.

“Hey,” his voice pulls you back. “Don’t do that.” 

“I’ll be okay,” you say. “I’m just having a d-a week.” A month, a year, a life. Reluctantly, you meet his gaze.

His face softens, his hand reaching to clasp with your own, thumb grazing across your palm. “Come here,” he murmurs. He pulls you against him tightly, tucking your head under his chin, his fingers weaving into your hair. 

“You’re going to be alright. You’re a strong girl.” He’s too smart to believe that, you think. But it doesn’t stop you from pressing your lips against his sternum. His broad chest is sturdy, firm, and you close down your eyes. 

Neither of you speak, and one of his hands begins to stroke your back in soothing circles. You stay wrapped in his arms for a long time. Long enough to think about how you might never get to do this again, and you suddenly want him in all the ways you never had him, and all the ways you had. Just one last time. 

He presses a kiss to your temple. “I can tell you’re exhausted, baby. Let’s get you to bed.”

There’s no reason to protest, he’s right, so you let him lead you to the bed. You’re already in your pajamas, and he draws back the covers and tucks you underneath them carefully. 

“You’re staying,” you say. It’s meant to be a question, but it comes out like command, and although you can’t stand the idea of pleading for it, would if you had to. You’re that desperate. 

You hear the clunk of his boots landing on the floor, feel the dip of his weight on the opposite side of the bed. 

“Of course,” he says softly, voice barely above a whisper as he slides underneath the covers. 

Joel’s arm snakes around your waist, and you’re being pulled back against his chest. You wriggle to be closer, even though it’s not possible, his nose resting on the crown of your head, stroking your hair softly. He’s being so tender, so sweet, it makes you feel sick.

“What if I don’t want you to leave?” you turn your head slightly, so you can see him out of the corner of your eye. You want to be able to remember his face, in case you never see him again. He was handsome, you’d always thought that, even despite the years between you. 

“It’s my brother. I don’t have much of a choice, baby.”

Joel had told you all about Tommy. You wished you could be resentful at his leaving to find his brother, but you knew you’d risk pretty much anything for the chance to see anyone in your family again. 

You shake your head. “This…sucks.” 

He offers a rare chuckle, one that vibrates through his chest and straight to the ache in your stomach that started when he told you he’d be leaving. “It does. I’m sorry.”

Joel sighs, his breath on the nape of your neck, and you shiver. “I’ll miss you.” It’s a simple truth you can hear in his voice without even needing to look in his eyes.

“I’ll miss you.” You reach for his hand. 

You roll over to face him, his head propped on his opposite hand, looking down at you. 

“You remember everything I taught you?” he asks. “Be smart, keep yourself safe.”

Joel had proven to be a pretty valuable resource when it came to survival skills. He’d taught you how to shoot a gun, to load and reload it, how to take it apart, clean it, and put it back together. You recalled the feeling of him leaning over your shoulder, adjusting your grip to shoot at a target. And even if most of his lessons in hand-to-hand combat resulted in him having his way with you on the kitchen floor – you didn’t mind it at all – you knew enough to defend yourself. 

“I do,” you answer. “And I will.”

You think of all the time you’ve spent with him the past few years. How it has made things bearable. It’s likely the last time you’ll ever see him, and you know what you’re supposed to say. But for the life of you, you just can’t say it.

Instead, you lean in to kiss him, lazy and lingering, both your hands on the side of his face, palms pressed against the scruff of his beard. You pull away after awhile.

“Tell me about what it was like. Before all this.” When the outbreak began, you were just a child. It felt like a dream, your memory so fuzzy it was hard to recall anything except the worst parts.

Joel does, and you listen, captivated, though it’s not the first time you’ve heard it. For such a gruff man, he paints a pretty picture.

It’s easy to imagine what your life might be like if none of this had ever happened. It would have been better, infinitely better, for yourself, for Joel, for everyone. It would be better, but if it hadn’t happened, you wouldn’t have met him. For some reason, something about that doesn’t feel right.

[unordinary-diary]

Thinking about how Blyke is actually insanely strong, even by the standards of his world, yet he gets his ass kicked for the entire story.

From episode one...

To the first actual fight he’s ever been in... (ch. 15) [Edit: second actual fight]

... to the approximate middle of the story... (ch. 197)

... Up through the very latest chapter as of me writing this— (ch. 345)

— Blyke repeatedly gets pummeled.

Over,

and over,

and over,

and over.

It’s really no wonder he gets insecure about it.

I mean, these screenshots were all taken from different fights. The amount of fights he’s won, on screen, without backup is... once or twice against Zeke, once against Gou (Agwin’s Jack from turf wars), and once as a vigilante solo act. That’s four, max. There could be more that I’ve forgotten, but I’ve read this series so many times and I really can’t think of any. (No, I don’t count firing a warning shots to get people to behave as “winning a fight”.)

compared to all the fights he’s been outmatched in? You’ve got Rein from turf wars, Volcan, John, John, John, Lennon from his vigilante solo stunt, John again, the fight in the Rowden amusement park, the attack on Rowden hill, Ember, and now the authorities in general. Possibly more that I forgot. That’s 11. He didn’t necessarily lose all those fights, but they’re fights where he was way out of his depth and/or would’ve lost without backup.

Anyway, point is: Blyke is no stranger to getting his ass kicked. In particular, he is no stranger to getting kicked while he’s already down.

In fact, I’m gonna take an example from the turf wars match in chapter 15: Blyke has already lost the fight with Rein, yet Arlo hangs him out to dry. Arlo is the one who’s supposed to call him back to get healed, yet he just smiles while the others look at him expectantly, and Blyke gets more and more injured. Even Rein is questioning it.

I could and honestly probably will do a whole analysis on just chapter 15, but eventually Seraphina calls him back for healing. The way Blyke was treated in that scene was kinda heartbreaking.

GOD chapter 15 is my favorite episode but it leaves me with so many questions grrr I wanna talk about it but that’s another entry.

Putting that aside, Blyke is very protective, and compassionate to the plight of others when he’s aware of it. After he sees the situation in Branish, he is immediately, rightfully pissed about the way society is. It opens his eyes to a world he hasn’t experienced, and it reframes how he thinks of John (still a “cripple” at the time).

To the actual point of this diary entry (other than rambling about Blyke, that is), John is another character who gets repeatedly kicked while he’s down. I don’t think I need screenshots to prove that. However, in my current reread of the series, I recently came across a certain panel that I do wish I had a screenshot of. It’s either Blyke or Seraphina who asks John “Why are you always kicking people while they’re down?” And John responds: “Because everyone kicked me when I was down!” And I think that’s a vivid contrast with Blyke, who has been kicked while he’s down, and chooses to protect people who are weaker than him. In particular, I want to point out that in order to protect them, Blyke is willing and actively chooses to get beaten quite brutally.

Mind you, this ^ is to protect people who he barely knows. He and Sera aren’t close, and the others are practically strangers.

It’s pretty much the inverse reaction. John says “Others kicked me while I was down, so I’ll do the same on everyone else tenfold.” Blyke says “I was kicked while I was down, and goddammit I will keep getting kicked if it means other people don’t have to.”

It’s such a cool parallel, and the fact that when John was getting kicked, Blyke was trying to help, but when Blyke was getting kicked, John was doing the kicking adds so many layers to it.

[thoughtsthatgounnoticed]

Swept up in Expectations

As an anxious and curious person, I couldn’t help but check every now and then to see what the vibe was for P2 before watching it myself. After all the excitement during the wait between P1 and 2, nothing could have prepared me for the whiplash I felt reading disappointed and equally ecstatic posts from reactions to Eps 5 to 8.

Now that I’ve seen the episodes myself I’m trying to make sense of how I felt so I’m putting the figurative pen to paper and hope anyone as confused as I am can ruminate with me.

To put simply - I think we were all swept up in the excitement of Nic and Luke’s press tour (a whole other can of worms for some) and the many spoilers, speculations, and info from cast interviews during the wait between P1 and 2 that appeared to have been Polin positive. This energy then ballooned our expectations. I personally forgot that although Bridgerton is endearing and fun, it’s ultimately not a BBC or HBO production (I love Bridgerton but it’s no Pulitzer Prize winner in writing). So I think we expected more and are crashing from our collective highs.

Then there’s Polin and Penelope. As someone who didn’t personally enjoy S1 and 2 stories, S3 was going to be one I could truly enjoy and romanticize, and experience that Bridgerton brainrot everyone keeps taking about. Admittedly, it took me listening to some discourse and a second watch to truly appreciate P1. I’ve come away with so much love for Polin and their unfolding love story as well as Pen’s journey. The friends to lovers trope is beautiful, sweet, endearing, romantic, with a lot of history between two people. It had me singing along at the top of my lungs to Taylor Swift in the car even though it’s not my usual type of music. I was swooned and romanced.

But Part 2 was…. rough…. (Ramblings below)

At least after episode 5. It felt like I wasn’t watching the same season. I knew the weight of LW was going to put Penelope through the wringer before we can ultimately move on in peace. I expected the angst, it didn’t bother me, even if it meant seeing the worst of Colin’s anger temporarily.

I think what bothers me is the wasted potential of Polin’s season brought on by unnecessary side plots that could have given more time to Colin, Penelope and Eloise’s complex relationship and individual feelings. It was a season that absolutely needed to flesh out these characters alongside LW’s plot. Instead we got lengthy scenes of side characters with no payoff or stories that could have waited to be told next season. Polin felt like side characters in their own stories, their scenes so cruelly cut between other people’s dramas - I was swooning one second to wondering why we’ve jumped to sideplot A and B, then back to swooning over Polin again (their wedding dance for example 😭).

Then there’s the question of intimacy and how we would have loved to see more - probably brought on by a rumored missing montage. Instead after all the pain, the culmination of intimacy between Polin was the 5 second scene towards the end that looked like one of Anthony or Ben’s random brothel end-of-episode montage scenes in S1. I didn’t need plenty of intimacy scenes, I just wanted there to be growth in their intimacy evolving beyond what they had in Ep 5 and after all that drama.

Part 2 should have focused on how Colin, Penelope and Eloise came to terms with the LW revelation and the aching healing process it took to overcome that because the love they have for one another was stronger. I found myself thinking how in hell they could resolve all of this and it became progressively clear that the resolution was going to feel underwhelming and rushed. Especially, when the last episode alone had another wedding, Colin and Penelope still not communicating, and like 4-5 scenes of Ben and his mistress and their lover. We sat there in complete shock at how we kept going back to those scenes when the season had bigger fish to fry.

Although the show attempted to delve into Colin’s journey post revelation, the process of overcoming his sadness/jealousy was not fleshed out satisfactorily. I’m not saying it isn’t there (the very quick scenes of him looking through Penelope’s letters, listening to her speech at the end, his speech to Cressida, interactions with Kanthony/Eloise etc) but it lacked…something. Maybe it needed just a beat longer, a few more words, a bit more time. I don’t need it to drag, I just needed more within the depth of the scenes. Funnily, some of the side plot scenes lasted longer, which was so evil. Colin deserved a concise arc like Penelope’s. I hope Luke Newton’s back wasn’t hurting from carrying all the weight of Colin’s journey through his delivery and face acting because the writers were not giving him much to work with.

And so, the ending of the season felt odd. On one hand I was happy Polin got their happy ending and in theory their progression made sense, but on the other I felt like the show did a disservice by not taking us carefully and deliberately on that progression journey we wonderfully started in S1 and 2. I will always have ep 1-5 to look back on fondly and I was teary eyed when Colin delivered his ep 8 love speech to Pen. It felt like a glimpse of what we could’ve had and what they did have in P1. However, there’s this feeling of anti-climax that is so palpable given how impactful the press tour was. Am I still walking away from this season loving Polin and enjoying the scenes we did get of them? YES. Am I satisfied with it? NO.

This is 70% an emotional rant that may subside once the excitement dies down. I have thoroughly enjoyed everyone’s input and analysis and may have just been swept up in expectations.

[coralinnii]

Hey hey! Congrats on the milestone! Now on to the request.

Neige

Lilia

Ruggie

Jamil

What would a beach date be like with them? Also please keep it as gn neutral as possible.

- 💚 Anon

❋ It’s a Beach Episode ❋

↳ Beach date with him

feat: Neige ⭑ Lilia ⭑ Ruggie ⭑ Jamil

genre: fluff

note: no pronouns used with the reader, established relationships, reader is wearing swimwear but style is unspecified,

I’m an advocate for sunscreen in daily skincare. It doesn’t matter where you are, when it is, or how resilient your skin is, protecting your beautiful face and body is a must. Also, having grown up near a beach, I have may have lost the hype for beach outings ^_^” But I hope you still enjoy~

2.7K followers writing event

Due to Neige’s rising fame, having an intimate moment with you was not as easy as one would hope. Fortunately, Sage’s Island is a fairly remote area where inhabitants live a peaceful, secluded life which gave the sweet man an idea; a picnic date on the quiet beach.

Neige would be punctual to the meet-up, perhaps even 15 minutes early just so he doesn’t make you wait. Imagine a shy but excited little gentleman would stand alone with a basket of goodies to share, eager to see you.

Whether you chose to wear a swimsuit or something easy to wear by the waters, Neige would be immediately starstruck by your casual beauty. Seeing you glow under the sun while a gentle sea breeze wave through, you looked straight out from a fairytale to him. He specifically chose a time and area where there were little people roaming around, but even if it was as crowded as a summer festival, you were the apple of his eye and everything else would fade into the background.

Neige is very easy-going, willing to go with the flow. If you wanted to splash around in the ocean, he would enthusiastically jump and start a playful play fight in the cooling waters. If not, he’s just as happy to just sit down on a blanket, sharing the sweet treats he made while chatting away about everything and anything.

No matter what the two of you did, the young starlet never felt more at peace than he was with you. Don’t get him wrong, he loves his fans and he’s proud of all the work he put to bring recognition to his name, but there’s just something about spending the day just watching you smile and laugh washes the hidden burdens on his shoulders.

The day ends with the two of you watching the sun set beneath the horizon, Neige’s head laying atop of yours as you listen to the waves and the sounds of your heartbeat.

“I’ll tell you a secret. I’ve been really looking forward to this day! I almost couldn’t sleep last night, because I was just so excited to see you.”

A day at the beach with Lilia would be less of a date and more of an adventure (unless that is your ideal date). Lilia lives in the moment with great vigour so be prepared for a date filled with activities and games.

Lilia would not be shy about complimenting your swimwear, you would be absolutely darling, just like him. The cheeky fae would be confident enough to say the two of you would be the most adorable couple on the beach by far. No matter how you choose to dress, he would be proud to show you off and would bluntly say with no shame, especially so if he knows you get flustered about it.

“Hehe, my dear is particularly captivating today, much like a joyful summer day.”

Expect lots of fun with Lilia as the two of you go around the beach making the most of the day. Swimming, surfing, tubing, trying out the dessert stands, there is not a boring moment with the outgoing senior.

Lilia would be receptive if you were to tell him if you were uncomfortable with some of the activities but at the same time, he would want to encourage you to break out of your comfort zone and live without regrets. He hopes that you would be unafraid to try new things with him, knowing that you can wholeheartedly trust him.

As I say that, I don’t think Lilia would pass up the chance to scare you just a little bit. He can’t help himself if he gets somewhat giddy to feel you hold him just a little tighter as you explored the hidden caves, or when he somehow convinced you to surf with him…on the same board.

You’d probably be exhausted by the end of the day but you can bet that it would be just like every day with Lilia, memorable.

“Oh, let us get a pair of matching shirts as a souvenir. Hmm, those shirts are a little too eccentric, you say? Nonsense! It screams major summer vibes, wouldn’t you say?”

Not gonna lie, you’re probably gonna have to try and convince Ruggie to go on a date like this with you. Afterall, time is money and he ain’t got a lot of the latter. But, give him a pout and ask really nicely and he’ll probably crack. He’s honestly just too weak for his lover, he’ll just pick up some extra shifts later.

He’d try to not be too obvious, but when he first saw you once you changed, he couldn’t stop glancing at you. You were attractive already but seeing you out of the school uniform, it was like a new side of you he hasn’t seen before.

His territorial instincts kicked in as he sensed gazes on the beach towards his direction. Then, he realized it wasn’t towards the hyena beastman… Suddenly, he was shamelessly clinging to you with an arm constantly around you. It isn’t necessarily because Ruggie is jealous, but rather he’s too greedy to share his lover, in any way.

Aside from perhaps some summer shifts, Ruggie didn’t have the time to hang around beaches for fun so he wasn’t sure what to do. However, if you mentioned that sometimes people would collect sea creatures to eat, Ruggie’s scruffy tail started to wag. Oh, tell him more.

You and Ruggie would stroll by the low tides while you went seashell collecting (among other shell “varieties”). While it may not be the date you were expecting, how could you not smile fondly watching your boyfriend looking so cute while foraging for clams and mussels?

But your heart skipped a beat when Ruggie, with a cheeky grin but flushed cheeks, gave you a handful of beautiful shells of various shapes and colors. With his signature laugh, he said that he thought of you when he saw them, thinking you would like them.

Now sitting on a table in your bedroom is a cute little jar filled with those same shells.

“Shyehehe, they may not be fancy jewels or anythin’, but I could at least do somethin’ like this”

Jamil is another workaholic to convince. You would need Kalim with you to convince him that no, the Scarabia dorm will not burn down in the hours he will be gone.

Once you finally convinced him, then Jamil would start immediately packing essentials (and nonessentials) to what was supposed to be a simple date by the beach. Sunscreen, shades, blankets, spare swimwear, chargers, bandaids, umbrellas… you would think the two of you were around to leave the island instead. Even Jamil knew he might be going overboard but he doesn't want to risk anything on this rare day off with you.

The moment he saw you in your swimwear, there was a rush of nerves in his body. There was something about seeing you on this day, where it’s just the two of you, felt intimate and something that was only for him. That compelled him to naturally hide under his hoodie, embarrassed to feel this happy over seeing a new side of you.

Like Ruggie, Jamil has keen eyes and he could tell when eyes were following them. The long-haired man is quick to hand you his hoodie, telling you with ease that the sun is especially harsh that day.

Which leads to how you two decided to put on sunscreen while you can. One of Jamil’s love languages is acts of service so he was already pulling you close to apply sunscreen generously on your skin (wherever you were comfortable with).

The vice housewarden was gentler with your face, cradling your cheeks as he used his fingers to ease the product on your skin. The warmth of his hands distracted you from the coldness of the sunscreen, or could it actually be the burn in your cheeks.

Jamil may not be any better, though. Even after applying the sunscreen, Jamil did not let go of your face, seemingly lost in your eyes. His charcoal eyes drank in your attention, a satisfying sensation filled him as he only sees himself reflected in your lovely eyes as he was sure his eyes reflected only you, As though nothing else was more important.

Eventually, Jamil released your face as he stood up. He offered his hand to you, with a softer look in his eyes. He was here as your boyfriend, after all. No duties, no stressful obligations, just a young man free to share a day with his beloved.

“What should we do, you ask? Hm, would you follow what I say today? Heh, no need to panic, it’s a day for us to enjoy, afterall.”

[arcadiabaytornado]

Max’s utter devotion to Chloe is one of my favorite parts of “Life Is Strange,” the Pricefield dynamic, and Max’s overall character.  

Max has only been with Chloe for a day at this point, and she hasn't even gotten the trauma of repeatedly watching Chloe die yet. She could have just been quiet or taken a nonviolent approach and stepped between them. Yet she doesn't. Instead, she does the most confrontational thing possible and pulls the gun because Chloe's well-being means so much to Max that she would kill a man.

I've also seen a few people that it doesn't seem in character for Max to shoot someone, but I firmly believe it is. I live in the Southern USA. I've been around guns all my life. The FIRST thing you're taught about gun safety is to never point it at someone, even as a joke, or even if it's "unloaded." The second you aim a gun at someone, you're agreeing that you could kill them if something goes wrong. You're also taught never to put your finger near the trigger unless you're actively about to shoot...and look where Max's finger instantly goes. 

More Undercut

While Max may not be well versed about guns, she has enough weariness of them that you’d expect her to act more carefully. However, she doesn’t, because the second she aimed the gun at Frank, she agreed on some level that she could hurt him, and if you make a certain choice, Max genuinely could have shot him dead if bullets were in the chamber.

So Max was already taking things really far in Episode 2, and she does so instinctually. When Max saved Chloe in the bathroom, she decided she would protect her no matter the cost. And she does. Even when it destroys her, even when it destroys others, even when it destroys her childhood home, even when it destroys her friends that live there. All she does is keep protecting her. Is it healthy? Uh...not really. Is it the definition of unconditional love? Absolutely. Is it unhinged? For sure. But man, does it make the game and Pricefield's dynamic something I could write an essay about. More time travelers should be unhinged about their loved ones actually. 

[whateverisbeautiful]

Hi! I just wanted to say that I discovered your top 30 Richonne list a few days ago and I've been down the meta rabbit hole you've so wonderfully crafted this entire week so far. I've cried and smiled so much reading them. Each post is just so beautiful.

I was reading one of your Reveling in Richonne posts this morning for episode 10 x 04 where Michonne talked with Ezekiel about how much she still misses Rick and loves him so much and that she misses his walk and now I can't get over it. Now I'm thinking about all those times when she looked at Rick walking towards or away from her pre- and post-canon where she would be thinking the man I'm crushing on, then eventually the man I love is so sexy. Is there any chance you can do a post speculating those moments where they are both checking each out specifically regarding Michonne checking out Rick's walk?

Also I cant wait for you to do a Reveling in Richonne continuation based on TOWL 👀? So excited! Lastly I just need you to know that my Richonne withdrawals have been pretty bad now that TOWL has concluded. So discovering your blog and your metas have been giving me my whole entire life and I just want to say thank you and that I really appreciate all the thought and beauty you put into your posts. You're amazing!!!! 👏🏽 👏🏽 🤩 💖

Hi @rct85 ! I'm so encouraged by your message, thank you so much. 🥰 I love that this richonne reveling rabbit hole could help with the richonne withdrawal. I’m feeling it too and really miss seeing them on screen each week. 🥲 Thank goodness we were spoiled with years of richonne content that I’ve just been playing on a loop in my head. The second I'm finally able, I'm looking forward to going all out and writing about every golden moment from TOWL. The towl thoughts and observations are abundant lol.

And I really like that thought of highlighting the times that Michonne was looking at Rick and thinking this man I'm crushing on and later in love with is so sexy. I can definitely speculate on those moments and I've placed my extra self’s speculation right below. 😊⬇

I focused on Michonne specifically for this one because if I were to make a list of times Rick was looking at Michonne and thinking this woman I'm crushing on/in love with is so sexy it would be wildly long because it's every single moment he and Michonne are on screen together. Like truly from TWD 3.06 at the fence to the TOWL 1.06 finale Rick looks like he's thinking that. 😋 While Michonne can be a little more subtle than Slick Rick, she's still head over heels for her husband and I think I pinpointed some clear moments where she was noting how fine her man is and appreciating that walk. 😏 Thanks again for reading my posts and for this kind message! 💗

Moments Michonne Was Checking Out Her Man’s Walk/Thinking Rick Is Fine 😋

Exhibit A:

It started real early if you ask me. 😌 At this point our Michonne had been abandoned by her only friend, unsuccessfully gaslit by the governor, chased down and shot by Merle, and passed out killing walkers at the prison fence. She’d been put through a whole lot in mind and body…but her eyes clearly still work just fine as she seems to be taking in this handsome stranger in front of her.

And sis is an observant person so I wouldn’t at all be surprised if she had a conscious thought that this man from the prison is attractive, even here in their first exchange. Thinking about how she described Maggie and the Governor based on appearances in this ep, I’d bet that had Michonne had to describe Rick this early, some type of good-looking adjective would‘ve been used.

(*Also the footnote for all of these bits of evidence is that Rick is absolutely captivated by her in each of these moments too 💯)

Exhibit B:

Clear is where that Richonne attraction was loud and on display from both of them. We don’t see Rick walk away in this scene at the end of the ep but uh Michonne does. 😊 And of course she likes what she sees with that lingering look and smile she gives. And all that car key shuffling - it’s giving Rick is pretty eager but maybe she is too 🤭

Exhibit C & D:

I put these two moments side by side because I love how similar they are in the way Rick walks up to her and the way Michonne smiles at him. To think one scene is during their early s4 crush era and the other is during their s7 honeymoon ep, just goes to show these two have been smitten a long long time and always will be. In both moments I know Michonne loves seeing his walk just like Rick loves seeing her smile.

Exhibit E:

As she observes Rick here, I think Michonne has a lot of thoughts going through her head, which naturally are deeper than just checking him out. On a larger level, she’s realizing that Rick has unique qualities that she loves and respects and recognizes in her own self. She saw firsthand the way Rick walks the walk when it comes to protecting his family and she’s fallen in love with him. But I think an appreciation for his literal walk can be included in those thoughts during this scene as she starts to slowly become more cognizant that she sees Rick as a lot more than just a friend.

Exhibit F (Pt. 1 & Pt. 2):

I may have forgot if this was a list of Michonne’s thoughts or mine with exhibit f lol. But I’m just gonna venture to say that she and I shared the same appreciation for Rick’s walk in that barn. It’s Season 5 Rick - of course Michonne was feeling a type of way about him. And she might not have agreed with him punching Aaron but I know she wasn’t mad at that walk.

Exhibit G:

Seeing Rick’s clean-shaven face for the first time was Michonne’s most blatant display of attraction towards him pre-canon and she was definitely noting how fine he is. And from my posts on the scene, it’s no secret how much I love this moment and it’s no secret how much these two were into each other. I also just added a later s5 moment of Rick seeing Michonne in the constable windbreaker for the first time because it gives a similar energy. It’s cute how Rick and Michonne both have such obvious attraction and intrigued reactions to seeing each other in ways they haven’t seen each other before.

(That’s also why I thought it was so funny and doomed that their plan was to pretend like they don’t know each other at the CRM because Richonne hasn’t been able to mask their blazing attraction to each other since season 3)

Exhibit H:

This is such a sweet moment and I always adore seeing the slightly bashful way Michonne can’t help but stare at her man and smile after their first night together. And the way Rick can sense her looking at him and then smiles and reaches for her. It gives me life. This had to make this list because I’m pretty sure “the man I love is so sexy” is one of the direct quotes from Michonne’s mind in this scene.

Exhibit I:

Even when injured Rick’s walk is hot and Michonne knows it. 😋 The scene above and a couple more in this episode were clear signs of Michonne admiring her man inside and out. They were both so cute and couply and in love in this ep and I’ll never get over it.

In The Ones Who Live…

Each of these towl moments deserves dissertations so I’ll wait to elaborate because dissertations are coming later on. But I still had to include them on this list because they’re prime examples of Michonne loving Rick’s walk and/or loving how sexy her husband is - with the last one being the pinnacle 😍

Exhibit J:

Exhibit K:

Exhibit L:

Exhibit M:

Exhibit NOPQRSTUVWXY&Z:

[siampie]

Risk and Reward||Chapter 1: When I Met You

Pairing: Matt Murdock x Fem!Reader

Word Count: 4.1k

Summary: You have a hard time settling into your new life but with new acquaintances and newfound friendships. You slowly find your footing.

Warnings/tags: 18+ contains smut (not sure, don’t know how to write it but I’ll try), angst, fluff, mutual pining, idiots in love, childhood trauma

A/N: So, this is a first for me. Please be indulgent. I am no stranger to writing fiction. I’ve done it before just not on this platform. Also, this is my first time writing in 2nd POV and for Matt Murdock. There isn’t much of him in this chapter but I hope the small bits I have is as close as it is to his character. I did what I always do before writing fiction, read other writers' work and see how they capture the character and watched videos or episodes to get a good feel of the character. So, I hope you will like it. Feedback is welcome. And just enjoy! Also English is not my first language.

Chapter List || Next Chapter

Masterlist || Join my tag list

Dividers by @cafekitsune

Song the title is referring to:

You gave me a reason for my being

And I love what I’m feelin’

You gave me a meaning to my life

Yes, I’ve gone beyond existing

And it all began when I met you

“Another day, another week.” You whispered to yourself as you stepped in the building where you work. You smiled quickly at the receptionist before making your way to the elevator. After you made the big move across the states, you were lucky to land a job as a proofreader in a publishing house. It wasn’t your dream job but it was the next best thing.

For as far as you can remember, you have always been taking care of your family. Many expectations and responsibilities were put on your shoulders from a very young age. So, when your brother stepped in and decided to move your father in with him, you felt some relief. A load was being taken off of your shoulders. You loved your family. But over the years, you had started to resent them slightly. You resented your father for being sick. You resented him for taking out his bad moods on you. You resented your siblings because they get to live their lives. You resented them for leaving you behind in the dust. You knew you loved them but you resented them. And you didn’t want to hate them. So, you left.

You made the move to Hell’s Kitchen, six months ago and you had big plans. First of which, was to properly kickstart your life. You didn’t think it would be easy. You knew it would have been a challenge but you didn’t think it would be that hard. After six months, you thought you would have made some friends or at least some acquaintances. But shy as you were, and as cautious as you were, making friends did not come easy for you.

You dropped your bag on the ground next to your chair. And dropped your coat on the back of it. Your desk was already stacked with manuscripts that needed to be proofread. You always started your day the same, first you read your emails and answered the most important ones. Then came coffee and then came reading with a red pen. You were to review any typos that may have somehow slipped past the author and the copy editor. You were also to review for issues like kerning and stacking and whether the running head is consistent. Proofreading was the last step before publication. You knew it was an important step, so you did it thoroughly. And you did it well. At least, you thought you did. Your boss had not complained about your work so far. And you took it as a good sign.

One of your coworkers stopped by your desk and softly called your name. You looked up at her. You knew her, you had barely interacted with her a few days before. She had long, red hair, that you loved, and legs for days. Her name was Amelia. A few nights ago, as you were leaving after workhours, she was standing outside of the building. A cigarette between her lips as she was looking for something.

“Excuse me?” She stopped you. You turned to her. “Do you have a lighter?”

“Yeah.” You nodded quickly. Your best friend from high school, had convinced you to buy a pack of lighter once. Telling you that it was the best way to meet people and to make friends. More precisely to meet your future boyfriend. “There you go.” You handed her the lighter.

“Thanks.” She lit her cigarette before giving it back to you. She took a long drag at it. The tension in her shoulders dropped. “I needed that.”

“You’re welcome.” You smiled at her and turned to leave.

“You’re that new proofreader, aren’t you?” She asked you.

“Yeah.” And you gave her your name.

“That’s a pretty name.” She remarked. “I’m Amelia.”

“Nice to meet you.” Amelia was not a proofreader. She was an acquisitions editor. The one, literary agents would come to, to sell a book. The book landed in her hands first, and if they made it past her, they landed in yours last.

You stayed with her long after she finished her cigarette. You walked with her because it was dark out. And Hell’s Kitchen wasn’t the safest place to be after dark. And there was strength in numbers. Coincidentally, your flat and hers weren’t that far apart. So, you walked her home before going to yours.

After that, you had not seen or heard much of Amelia. You thought that was it. But there she was, talking to you.

“So, some of us are going to grab a drink after work and I thought that maybe you would love to join us?” She sat on your desk.

“It’s barely 9 and you’re already thinking about the end of the day.” You scoffed lightly.

“Well, I need something to look forward to.” Amelia laughed. “So, wanna come?”

Your default answer was ready to come out of your mouth. You were already making up excuses to not go. And then you stopped yourself. Why shouldn’t you go tonight? There was no one waiting for you at home. You had no obligations. It could be a fun night out; you could even make a few new friends. Might even start a new friendship with Amelia. After all, she came to seek you out. She wanted to invite you.

“Why?” You had not meant to ask this out loud.

“What?”

“Why invite me? We barely talked to each other? Why ask me?”

“You said you just moved here in Hell’s Kitchen, remember?” Amelia gave you a tight smile. And you nodded at her words. “I figured I do the nice thing and invite you to come with us. Since, you don’t really know anyone here.”

Now, you felt stupid. You could feel your neck and cheeks heat up with your embarrassment. Not everyone was going to hurt you. There were good people in the world, you had to remind yourself of that.

“Sorry.” You apologized quickly. “I—I would love to come.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah.” You nodded quickly.

“Good, I’ll come and get you when it’s time to go.”

You pressed your hands against your neck. If you could see yourself, you were sure there would be splotches of red all over it. Of course, you had to go and ask why? If “no” was your default answer most of the time, “why?” wasn’t too far behind. When your niece had first told you she loved you, your first answer wasn’t to say it back. It was to ask her why? And she had answered very sweetly: “Because you’re funny and you give the best hugs. And you always play with me.” And after that you never asked again. You only said it back. Because you did, you loved her very much.

You did not know why you did this. It was almost as though you did not believe that good things could happen to you. And if it did, it was not sincere. It was because someone wanted something from you and once, they got it. They’d leave you high and dry.

As the end of your day was nearing. Your anxiety was starting to get the better of you. You dreaded the moment Amelia would come and pick you up. You had agreed to it earlier because you genuinely wanted to. But now, all you wanted, was to go home. Not because you were drained or overstimulated. No, because you simply did not feel like going anymore. You were hoping she would forget about you. Or at least, it would have been cancelled.

It wasn’t cancelled. And you couldn’t just bail on them. It was the first time, since you arrived in Hell’s Kitchen, that you had been invited to hang out. If you bailed on them now, you might not be invited ever again. So, you went. And who knows, you might have some fun.

“Josie’s.” You read out as you stopped in front of the bar with Amelia.

“Yeah, it’s a dive bar, really.” Amelia told you quickly. “But the drinks good enough.”

“Okay.”

She pulled you in after her. You both stopped at the bar to order your drinks and she then took you to their table. It was a small gathering. You recognized a few people, there was the receptionist; Clara. Then, there was another proofreader, you had interacted with. Barely. His name was Sebastian and some other people. You sat next to Amelia.

As soon as you sat down, they resumed their conversations. You were a silent observer. You laughed at their jokes. You listened intently to what they were saying. And you were really brief when they asked you questions about yourself. And redirected the attention on someone else as quickly as possible. You did not want the spotlight to be on you.

While your coworkers were conversing with one another, you couldn’t help but glanced around you. Your eyes travelled over the numerous patrons in the bar. Bikers, blue collar workers and some white-collar workers. They were many. The bar seemed to be quite successful.

And then your eyes landed on him.

Dark haired, with red tinted glasses and a cane. His plump lips were begging to be kissed, his jawline was to die for. His hair looked soft to the touch and you were itching to run your fingers through them. His shirt was so tight that it left nothing to the imagination. You could tell that he was well built underneath it. And his smile—oh, his smile was the most beautiful, you’ve ever laid eyes on. It lit up his whole face. Made him look younger. He looked perfect in every way.

You quickly darted your eyes away. You did not want to be caught staring. However, it was too late. Unbeknownst to you, Amelia had caught you looking.

“So, you look like you’re enjoying yourself.” Amelia said as she pulled you to the bar, to grab another drink.

“I am.” You nodded. “Thank you for inviting me.”

“No problem.” Amelia nudged your shoulder. “Would you want to do it again sometimes?”

“Yes, but can we space them out?”

“Oh, don’t worry about that.” She snorted. “It’s only when the urge strikes.” And she turned away from you. She looked over her shoulder briefly. “So, someone caught your eye.”

“What? No.” You answered quickly.

“That’s not what I saw.” She smirked at you. Josie pushed your beers towards you. “You kept staring at glasses over there.” She waved her hand towards perfect man.

“No, I did not.” You protested while pulling her hand down.

“Oh, come on!” Amelia insisted. “It’s not a crime. He’s pretty and you have eyes. It’s okay to stare a little.”

“Stop.”

“But you know what would be even better?”

“I’m going to regret this.” You rolled your eyes in annoyance. “What?”

“If you spoke to the guy. What’s the worst that could happen?”

“Rejection.” You simply answered.

“Well, rejection is part of the game.” She shrugged. You gave out a deep sigh, and put your chin in the palm of your hand. “You got nothing to lose and everything to gain.”

Nothing to lose? Easy for her to say. After all, she wasn’t the one who had her heart broken, so many times, that there was barely anything left of it. When it came to the matters of the heart, you did not think that the risks were worth it. Even if it was for a Pretty Boy.

Your eyes landed on him again, in spite of yourself. His eyes seemed to be on you and Amelia. Almost as though he was directly looking at you. But he was blind, right? That would be impossible.

“You’re staring again.” She teased you. And you turned back to the bar quickly.

“Drop it.” You told her sternly. “It’s not worth it.” Her eyebrows went into her hairline. “Plus, a guy like him would never go for a girl like me.”

“What? Beautiful and sweet?”

“I’m not beautiful. I’m not ugly but I’m not beautiful. I’m average at best.” You shook your head. “And I’m not sweet.”

Amelia looked at you baffled by your defensiveness over compliments. You acted as though she insulted you. She pushed your beer away from you.

“First, those were compliments and not insults. So, take them.” Amelia said. “And why would he go for someone else when he could go for you?”

“You’re being this nice to me over a lighter?”

“It’s not just about the lighter.” She told you. “You walked me home. You didn’t have to but you did. It was very kind and sweet. Thus, proving my point. You are sweet.”

“It was practical. My flat isn’t too far away from yours. And it was as much for your safety as it was for mine.” You shrugged. “It’s dangerous at night in Hell’s Kitchen.”

Amelia rolled her eyes and groaned in frustration. “You are going to take that compliment. I will beat it into you, if I have to.”

“That would be assault.”

“You thing you’re funny, uh?”

“I think I’m adorable.”

“Bitch, you’re testing my patience.” And that got a laugh out of you. She shook her head and laughed with you. “You really are annoying.”

“That’s more like it.” You grinned at her. “Want me to walk you home again?”

“Yeah,” She nodded and clinked her beer with yours. “We finish our drinks and then, we’re good to go.”

“Okay.”

She waved her finger at you. “But this conversation is not over.”

“What conversation?” You retorted, taking on a faux air of innocence.

Amelia glared at you which elicited a chuckle out of you. “Put a few drinks in you and you turn into a comedian. Who would have thought?”

“I could have mentioned it. Save you some time.”

“Do you need to have an answer to everything?”

“Should I answer that or--?”

“Oh, shut up.” And you snorted.

She raised her beer to her lips and toss it back. She gulped the rest of the bottle down and slammed it back onto the counter. Both of your empty bottles were left on the counter and you walked back to your small group of friends. On your way there, your eyes automatically found Pretty Boy, once again. Again, his gaze seemed to be on you and you dropped your eyes to the ground immediately. Feeling guilty that you were staring again, you let out a long sigh and muttered to yourself. “If he’s ever going for someone, it would be for Amelia.”

“There you go.” Amelia handed you your coat and bag. “What are you muttering to yourself again?”

“What do you mean again?” You asked stunned, blood rushing to your neck and cheeks. “You caught me doing that a lot?”

“You are not really trying to hide it.” Amelia shrugged. “So, what was it?”

“Nothing. It was nothing.” You pouted while you put on your coat.

“Was it about Pretty Boy?” She smirked at you.

“Oh, stop!” You said as sternly as possible with your lips jutted out in a pout. “It wasn’t about Pretty Boy.”

“Hmm,” She nodded smugly. “I’ll pretend I believe that.” She laced her arm with yours as you both exited the bar.

“He is really pretty.” You smiled shyly. Amelia’s shoulder nudged yours, as she giggled along with you.

“Next time, we see him. You’re talking to him.” You groaned at her words.

That night was the first time, you ever laid eyes on him. And you thought it would be the last time.

What were the chances for you to stumble upon him in this city ever again? He could be living outside of the city. Or it was only chance that brought him there tonight. And this was a once in a lifetime chance to meet the love of your life. And you blew it.

“Shut up!” You groaned as you slapped your forehead. “I did not blow my chance because there wasn’t one to begin with.”

“Voices in your head?” Amelia put down the lighter next to you.

“They’re really loud today.” You shook your head. “And you don’t have to bring it back all the time. You can keep it.”

“I won’t have an excuse to come and see you. anymore”

“You don’t really need one.” You sighed.

“True.” She smirked. “Wanna go to Josie’s tonight?”

“What are we celebrating?” You retorted.

“Nothing.” Amelia shrugged. “I thought maybe we could blow off some steam.” She shrugged and sat down on your desk. “Seeing as those last two months were kinda crazy.”

“Yeah, they were.” You agreed. “I mean we are nearing the end of the season.”

As it were in the publishing world, books are published in a three-season cycle: Winter, Summer and Fall. Winter season came to a close by the end of April and the datelines were getting closer. For the last two months, you and your team had been working nonstop. You and the author of the book you were proofreading, were going back and forth about editing issues he had. And his anxieties regarding the matter were also affecting you. Under pressure and anxious, you and your coworkers had no time to go back out.

“I could use the break.” You leaned back in your chair. “And a couple of beers.”

“It’s a date.” Amelia got back on her feet. “Meet you by the reception desk.”

“Yeah, see you.”

Amelia and you were on the sidewalk in front of Josie’s. She was smoking a cigarette before you both get in.

“Doesn’t it bother you?” Amelia asked you.

“I like the smell of it.” You shrugged.

She took another puff before she elbowed your side. You glared at her.  Her pointy elbow dug into your side painfully. “What’s that for?”

“It seems you’re in luck tonight.” She looked down at you. And with a jerk of her head, she indicated at something behind you.

You turned around and there he was. Tapping his cane on the sidewalk, holding the arm of a beautiful blonde. There was a man, blonde also, walking on his other side. Pretty Boy’s tie was loose around his neck and slightly crooked. A giant smile was on his face as the beautiful lady on his side threw her head back in laughter. You kept your eyes on their little group as they disappeared into the bar.

“Alright, tonight’s the night.” Amelia took a last puff out of her cigarette.

“What?” You turned to her confused.

“We agreed that next time we see him here, you would talk to him.”

“I did not agree to anything. You agreed with yourself.” You told her as she started to drag you toward the bar. “Amelia, stop!” You pulled your arm away from her.

“What are you so afraid of?” Amelia huffed in annoyance.

“Rejection. Humiliation. Mortification. Embarrassment.” You started to list out.

Sure, he was handsome. He was painfully handsome. And although, you had thought of his lips on yours, of his hands running through your hair as he whispered sweet nothings in your ear. Your hands flew to your ears at the thought. They warmed up as your blood rushed to them. You couldn’t do it. You couldn’t talk to him.

“I’m perfectly fine with watching him from afar.” You said quietly, dropping your hands. “Can we go somewhere else, please?” You crossed your arms over your chest, making yourself as small as possible.

She dropped an arm around your shoulders and pulled you into her side. “We already here, so we might as well go in.” You started pulling away from her. “I won’t make you do anything you don’t want to. Relax.” She pulled you back in and turned you towards the doors.

“Promise?” You put your pinky out.

“Promise.” She hooked her pinky with yours.

In most situations, you weren’t afraid to go after what you wanted. Of course, you had to pass it through a few people first. Just to make sure you were making the right decision. Especially, when it came to your job. But when it came to relationships—romantic ones, you never took the first step. You were always afraid that the people you wanted—you desired—wouldn’t want you back. Which explains your lack of experiences when it came to dating. And the disappointing sexual experiences you had.

You sat at the bar and ordered your beer. Amelia sat beside you but kept looking over her shoulder. You turned briefly to where she was looking. And surely enough, she was looking directly towards Pretty Boy and his friends. You sighed and turned back around.

“You promised, remember?” You told her. “Pinky promised. Those are sacred.”

“Yeah, I know.” She pouted and turned back around. “You’re going to regret it later.”

“Don’t I know it?” You exhaled deeply.

How many times have you let someone go before you were too afraid to speak? How much longer will you stay up at night wondering about what ifs? How much longer will you stand in the way of your own happiness? How much longer will you live in fear?

There was comfort in fear. It kept you on your toes. It told you where the edge was. It helped you survive. There was nothing wrong with fear. There were no broken hearts, no hurt feelings. It was safe.

And yet—you wished you could take that step. You knew you could. You’ve done it before. You left the comfort of your home. Of everything you’ve known to come here in Hell’s Kitchen. What was the worse that could happen in talking to him? Nothing, right? It was just talking. A simple conversation between two people. Or maybe, you would just give him your number. He could call you if he wanted to. If not—well, you would keep wondering why he didn’t call you. The thought of it was torture enough.

You glanced back over your shoulder at Pretty Boy. He was no longer sitting with his friends. His coat was still there on the back of his chair, but he was gone. You turned back to your drink, and sorrowfully starting to play with the condensation on your beer.

“What can I get you, Murdock?”

“Just another beer, Josie, thanks.”

You turned your eyes towards the voice. And there he was. So, much more handsome up close. His voice was nice and deep. Music to your ears. You turned your eyes away from him. Your heartbeat was now racing in your ribcage. You looked up at the ceiling, searching for some sort of answers.

“Hey, I’m gonna go out for a smoke.” Amelia announced slamming her bottle on the counter.

“I’ll come with you.” You squeaked out.

“You should definitely stay and enjoy yourself.” Amelia pulled her hair out of the collar of her coat. “I’ll be back in a moment. You should—you know strike up a conversation or two.” And she pointedly looked at the man by your side.

You gasped as she left. “You promised!” You called after her. “Pinky promised.”

“What did she promise?” Pretty Boy asked you. A grin plastered on his face.

You took a few minutes to answer, your eyes following Amelia’s exit out of the bar. And let out a breath. “To not make me do something I didn’t want to do.”

“And what was it? The thing you didn’t want to do.”

You couldn’t help the small grin that came onto your face before you answered. “Striking up a conversation with someone.”

“Ah.” He nodded. “Why not?”

“It’s kind of terrifying for me to—talk to people.” The blood was rushing to your chest, your heart was slamming against your ribcage.

“You’re talking to me now.” His voice seemed lower as he spoke.

You scoffed. “True. I am.”

“How does it feel?” His lips twitched up at the corners.

“Not as terrifying as I thought.”

He chuckled. And you smiled at the sound. “I’m Matt.” He extended his hand out to you.

You put your hand in his. Your breath hitched in your throat as your skin touched his. You cleared your throat before giving him your name.

“You have a pretty name.” He told you.

“You make it sound prettier.” You quipped back, feeling braver now. His eyebrows flew high on his forehead before he let out a laugh. You laughed along with him. “Nice to meet you, Matt.”

“Pleasure’s all mine.” He nodded, this boyish grin never leaving his face.

That was the night you officially met Matt Murdock. It wasn’t as daunting as you thought it would be. In fact, speaking with Matt came easy to you. His eyes were unseeing and yet, they were always on you. And for once in your life, you did not mind the attention.

You didn’t think anything life altering would come of it. If anything, you thought you were gaining another friend.

Little did you know…

Chapter List || Next Chapter

[basicbunnyboo]

Sir?

An Adam x Reader Fic

A.N. - This one is going to be kinda rough. I’ve been wanting to make something about Episode 8 for so long and I found the BEST inspiration during my history class. I’m really hoping this goes well ‘cause angst is kinda hard for me to write. Enjoy, my dears

Cw: Descriptions of blood, stab wounds, and overall harsh injuries / Descriptions of multiple deaths / Derogatory name for Charlie

Adam bleeding out on the battlefield.

To be an Exorcist required a few things: being harsh, unfeeling, ruthless, and ‘badass’. The last part was added by Adam himself.

It required being able to kill off the sinner scum and protect Heaven. There was no need to worry about them fighting back. They can’t. It’s not possible. It shouldn’t be.

So why the Hell was the Hotel’s grounds littered with red and golden blood? Only angels bleed gold. Only angels have angelic steel. But, somehow, these vermin got their hands on it. And now multiple angels have fallen, some injured. Callie was surrounded by cannibals, Mia lay crumpled and left for dead, Alex was hung on a wall with a spear through his shoulder, and even Lute was missing an arm.

All because little Miss Princess couldn’t take no for an answer.

Then there was Adam. The first man, the leader of the Exorcists, and a close friend. ‘Friend’ was rather inappropriate considering everything you’d gone through together. Being one of the few people to ever see his face spoke volumes of how much he respected and cared for you.

He was an asshole: rude, misogynistic, blunt, aggressive, egotistical, and overall a huge prick. It was obvious why his two wives left him. He seemed to care only for himself. The definition of a red flag.

And yet, he wasn’t like that anymore. Well, he was, but not as bad. Everyone noticed. Somehow, at some point, he started to care about you. At first, he hardly noticed. You were just a cool person that didn’t put up with his shit. You were hot. And fun. And patient. And safe…

And then he realized. He was fucked. He promised himself he wouldn’t let that happen again. Not after the last person ruined everything because she wasn’t satisfied with paradise. But no matter how hard he tried, you just wouldn’t leave and damnit it made it worse.

Now he felt anxious when he didn’t see you amongst the others. The chaos was making everything so much harder. Where were you? Were you okay? Did they get you? Are you safe? He absently shot a pack of sinners as he frantically flew around, looking for you. Then a flash of your mask caught his eye. You were by the dumbass hotel shits and that clit-licker that started it all.

He landed behind you, “The fuck are you doing?” He aggressively grabbed your shoulders, looking you over for any injuries, “I told you not to-”

“Take them head on, I know. But I’m not some weakling, Adam. I-”

“You don’t fucking get it, bitch. I- I just…” he hesitated. You knew. He knew you knew.

A pause.

“Okay.”

“Okay?”

You sighed, putting a hand over the one on your shoulder, “Okay. Just… don’t-“

You both paused at a pained groan and a small giggle. Looking down, you saw gold trickling down his chest and a small, pink bug holding a knife.

It took too long to react, but you pulled him to you, kicking the creature back. He was shaky, clinging onto your back from the shock, “Shit.”

You could hear cheering from Charlie and the supposedly redeemable sinners.

“Adam,” you grabbed his face, “Adam, look at me.”

How could they preach about redemption when they’re willing to kill someone for not agreeing with them?

He coughed harshly as you held him up, only for him to spew out golden blood. He leaned into you, clutching his stomach. “I got you,” she held him closer, “I got you, I got you, I got you.”

Someone walked closer, “He’s done for, ‘sweetheart’. Take your-”

A sharp glare shut him up.

———

“Two weeks?”

They nodded, “We’re guessing. He lost a lot of blood, you have to understand that-”

“I get that,” a sigh, “just… take care of him.”

Please.

[pensat-i-fet]

More Gavi (Pablo Gavi x Reader)

**Another cute request. It was fun writing this one and adding a bit of Spanish. I never want to put too much because some people might find it annoying but it obviously makes sense here. Let me know your thoughts about that. And enjoy reading ❤️**

Word count: 2328

Masterlist

Wattpad

"Hey".

"I need your help", he said, getting inside the house without looking back.

"Hello to you too, mister rude".

You walked to the living room right when Gavi turned to look at you, expression serious.

"What's going on?"

"I have to do an advert for Nike".

You couldn't help but hit his arm when he said that.

"Don't come into my house talking as if something horrible has happened and then say that, you idiot. You scared me!"

"I have to speak English!!", he said, raising his hands as if that explained everything.

"So?"

"I don't know how to. You do. So you need to help me".

“Alright then. First lesson. How do you say por favor in English? Easy one to warm up?”

But as much as you wanted to tease him, when you saw his worried face, you knew you would help him. Of course, you were going to. You’d do anything for him.

“I’ll help you”, you said, rolling your eyes.

“Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!”

When he hugged you, you sighed. You didn’t need to ask him how to say that you were the stupid girl who fell in love with her best friend and that kept getting friend zoned because you knew that one already.

“What do you need to say?”

“I’ll show you the script they gave me”.

You cleared the table you had been using for work and picked up a notebook just in case you needed it at some point.

“Here”.

A quick look at the list made you frown. “That’s it?”

“Yes”.

“Pablo, it’s just a couple of words that are almost the same as in Spanish”.

“But I pronounce them weirdly!”, he complained again.

“Because you’re Spanish!”

“So are you and you can speak English well”.

“I’m the exception”, you joked, flipping your hair.

Gavi groaned and hit his head against the table, making you laugh. He was so extra.

“How do you say mi amiga es insoportable? (My friend is unbearable)”

“My friend is the most beautiful girl in the world”.

“Hilarious!”

While he still looked at you, pouting, you picked up the notebook and wrote the words down.

“Ok. So we got intensity, which is intensidad”.

“Yeah”.

“So repeat: in-ten-si-ty”.

“In…tensi…ty”.

“You sound like you are afraid of the word when it describes you perfectly”.

“I’m afraid of saying it. Did I do well?”

“Could have been worse. Let’s just say it again but a bit faster”.

You kept practising until he felt confident and you could move to saying the whole sentences in one go.

“Ok, precision now”.

“What?”

His confused face made you laugh. He was so adorable…and you needed to stop thinking about him being adorable.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“The way you said it was funny”.

“Also, the correct way. It’s almost like precisión. Come on…”.

“It’s nothing like precisión”.

“We’ll go slowly with this one then”.

You wrote the syllables down and pointed at each one so he could repeat after you.

“Pre”.

“Pre”.

“Ci”.

“Ci.”

“Sion”.

“Sion”.

“Precision”.

“I can’t!”

This time, instead of putting his head against the table, he put it on your shoulder. One of his hands went to the back of your chair, but the other was on your thigh. You knew he’d always been like this but ever since you were aware of your feelings for him being so strong, it became hard to deal with him touching you so much.

“You know what this reminds me of?”, you said, moving so he could go back to his chair and changing the subject to distract yourself.

“Of what?”

“That episode of Friends in which Phoebe is trying to teach Joey French and she talks slowly and he’s doing fine. But then he has to say the whole thing and says some gibberish. That was you, literally”.

“I’ve never watched Friends. I don’t know”.

You were shocked. How could you have known him for so long and not know this dark secret?

“We can’t be friends, then”.

“Why?”

“I love Friends!”

“We can watch it later. I’m not leaving until I know how to do this so get the guest room ready. Or maybe I’ll fall asleep in your bed again if I convince you to keep teaching me until you literally fall asleep”.

Yeah…that wasn’t going to happen. That was something that happened “before”. Not now.

“You’re doing really well. We’ll be done soon”.

“Really?”, his happy face always made you smile. “How do you say eso es porque tengo la mejor profesora?”

“That’s because I have the best teacher. And yes, that's exactly why".

You continued working on his pronunciation until it was time for dinner. Teaching was exhausting and Gavi run from training straight to your house so you were both starving.

“You don’t have to cook after all you’ve helped me. Let me order something”.

Before you had time to move, Gavi was right behind you, hugging you and putting his chin on your shoulder to look at what you were preparing.

“It’s just pre-made stuff. Move back so I can put it in the oven”.

The way you took his arms off you made him frown. You’ve never reacted like that to him hugging you.

“Are you ok?”

“Why wouldn’t I be?”, you asked, putting the food in the oven and avoiding looking at him. Too afraid he’d noticed the reason why you didn’t want him to touch you. “Should I make a salad too?”

“Sure”.

Once the food was ready, you took your plates to the sofa and you found online the episode of Friends you were talking about before. “The one where Joey speaks French”.

You loved screening movies and shows for people. You would look at them whenever you knew something interesting was about to happen and most were annoyed by the spoiler, but Gavi never minded. Especially with horror movies. You saved him from being scared so many times.

“I’m cold”, he said suddenly, and you took your blanket and gave it to him.

He moved closer to you so it could cover both of you and you tried to just focus on the show. No longer interested in looking at him because he was too close and your heart was beating fast enough already.

“I’m still cold”.

“I’m not turning the heating on in March”.

“Cuddle me, then”.

It was too dark, thankfully, for him to see your face at that moment. “I can get you a hot water bottle if you want”.

“Or you could just cuddle me like we have done a million times”.

“My back hurts. I’m comfortable in this position, sorry”.

“Really? Is that why you pulled away from my hug earlier?”

Now you did turn to look at him. Not only had he noticed but he was worrying about it.

“Yeah”.

“Do you need some medicine? Or I could buy some pomade and help you apply it”.

Why was he coming up with the worst ideas?

“I’ll take some paracetamol later, don’t worry. It’s nothing”.

Even though he wasn’t convinced, he didn’t talk about it more. At least he had an answer now for your weird reaction when he hugged you. It had hurt him so much to feel rejected by you…by the best friend he was in love with.

                                    **

Having Fridays off was a blessing. You got to sleep in after a week of early mornings…except for when you got calls at 8.30 am.

“Who on Earth is calling me…”, but then you say the name on the screen and answered immediately.

“I need you!”

Oh God…

“And I need sleep, Gavi”.

“You have to come to film the advert with me, please. I’ve forgotten everything you taught me”.

“No, you haven’t. You’re nervous. And I’m sure they have people there who can help you”.

“But I don’t want them. I want you”.

How you wished he was saying that in another context.

“I’ll be there. But you owe me one. Well…another one”.

“I love you!”

“Yeah yeah yeah”.

Getting out of your warm bed was hard but knowing you were going to spend the morning with Gavi made it a little easier. Even if it was getting harder and harder to just be his friend.

By the time you got there, everyone was getting a bit impatient about having to wait for “a friend”.

“Sorry, traffic was bad”.

“Can we start now?”, said one of the guys with the cameras.

“Yes”, told him Gavi, side-eyeing him. “She has to come with me so she can help me read the lines”.

“As long as we can start working, I don’t care if she wants to be your foot stunt double for the shoots”.

The guy’s grumpy tone made you laugh.

“You don’t want me to kick the ball”.

“I know”, laughed Gavi, kissing your cheek and telling you to follow him.

It was hard, but you managed to resist the urge to touch the area where he had kissed you. You could still feel his lips there. He was making it so difficult…

Gavi was actually way more nervous about speaking those few English words than you expected. He was criticised so much for his on-the-pitch behaviour that he didn’t want this to be another reason for people to make fun of him. So you took this even more seriously than back at your place.

Finally, after some struggling, he was done. And you could tell the crew was so happy to be done with this advert. Something so simple had taken so long.

“More Gavi, yeah…just what the world needs”, you joked when he was going back to where you waited for him.

“It’s what you need, don’t lie. How do you say cuanto más Gavi, mejor?”

“The more Gavi, the better. But that’s a lie so don’t say it to people. Your mum taught you better than that”.

He laughed and put his arm around your shoulder, bringing you closer to his side. And even if you knew this wasn’t helping, at all, you let him. Putting your arm around his waist, you let him hold you because it felt so good to be that close to him. Better than it should.

“How do you say…”, he wasn’t going to stop now, “te como la cara?”

You snorted at that. “I wouldn’t recommend you telling people you want to eat their face. It sounds weird”.

“It doesn’t sound weird in Spanish”.

“That’s because we are weird. So one weird cancels the other”.

“I want to do it anyway”, he said, pretending he was going to bite your cheek and making you move away from him.

“Stop that!”

“But I’m hungry!”

And you kept bickering on the way to your car, not realising once again that the feelings were mutual. That you moved away from him to protect your feelings or that he wanted to be always as close to you as possible because there was no one else that made him feel the way you did.

                               **

Pablito ❤️: the ad is out. I posted on IG. Go see it!

You: compliment your teacher on my behalf. Brilliant job she did.

Pablito ❤️: I’m on my way.

You: I didn’t mean literally!

The doorbell alerted you that Gavi was already there. This boy…

“What is that?”

“Your favourite cupcakes as a thank you”.

“You still owe me but thank you for always enabling my sugar addiction”.

He stayed in the living room while you went to the kitchen to get some napkins and plates for the cupcakes.

“Ok, the one with all the fruit for you and the one with all the chocolate for me”.

“Can I have a bite of your one?”

“Sure”.

You watched the ad while you ate, laughing at all the moments you knew had to be redone more than 20 times.

“You really made that crew earn their salary that day, Pablito”.

“I don’t think they’ll ever want to work with me again”.

“Who could blame them?”

Seeing you laugh was always special for Gavi. It was while you were laughing at one of his jokes that he thought, for the first time, about how beautiful you really were. He always knew you were but…he fully noticed what that beauty meant to him. The sound you made when you laughed was music to his ears, but it was the way your face lit up that hypnotized him.

“What?”, you asked when you saw him staring at you. “I have chocolate on my face?”

But he couldn’t talk, so he just shook his head.

He was tired of hiding his feelings. Of pretending he wasn’t in love with you for fear of you turning him down. It could ruin your friendship and he knew that. He feared that could happen. But living in fear was painful too. He had to do this.

“Can we have another lesson?”

“Sure”.

You didn’t look very convinced because he was worrying you a bit.

“How do you say te quiero?”

You swallowed. He should know that. Why was he asking? “I love you”.

He nodded. “And how do you say te quiero pero no quiero quererte solo como un amigo?” (I love you but I don't want to just love you as a friend).

“Pablo…”.

“Or should I just say it in Spanish so nothing gets lost in translation?”

“Do you mean it?”, you asked, full of hope.

“I do”.

Seeing you’re reaction gave him the final push to get closer to you. He held your face with his hands and spoke quietly.

“You’re the best friend I could ask for. And a pretty good teacher too. But I want more. Do you want more?”

“More Gavi?”

You both laughed and then you kept leaning forward until your lips finally connected. Finally showing each other how much you really wanted this. And kisses had no language. Everyone could understand what they meant.