#I'd kill for that it would be hilarious

[procrastinationaccount]

Even if she was only conceived as a weapon and she never even got to talk to her mom before her revenant was destroyed, Gideon can take comfort in the fact that Wake's existence was very dull without her

[discjude]

sigh

[spiderbirdo]

an assignment but honestly made this solely for the joke about the gay person dying immediately after confessing

[teenytiny-ant]

Saying ok whenever I get told to kill myself is weirdly funny

[tev-the-random]

If this doesn't make Jimmy snap at Joel, I don't know what will.

Aren't you tired of being nice, Sheriff? Don't you just want to go apeshit?

[marciego]

kiss, punch, take a road trip with, and share your deepest secret(/s) with any dcla character (one for each, no repeats, but you can choose from any show)

oooo amazing one this is very fun let's see, but i'll say that at first i assumed it was like a journey with the same character and i was like "damn we're going through it huh", and the only answer to that option was diego

kiss - jade hit me up i'm on my hands and knees begging like if i got a kiss from jade i would genuinely have no problems in my life ever after that

punch - we tragically have a lot of options for this but i'm gonna go with matteo for some variety in the shows <3

take a road trip with - DIEGO like yeah i would do all of the others with him probably but if there's someone i'd DIE for a roadtrip with it has to be diego, i just know in my heart that would be the most fun ever

and share your deepest secret(/s) - i fear there's no one but leon i'd trust with this, like yeah he might judge me but probably not as much as fran and besides these two no one can keep a secret to save their life, and let's be real fran might say it to vilu and cami, but leon? i trust him with my life. i feel like i'd be real comfortable talking about this with marco tho more than leon even but i also think marco is The reason secrets get leaked in that friendgroup, not because he's sharing them on purpose i think he just forgets not everyone knows and mentions it casually and is as shocked as everyone else when he realizes

[jaybren]

Reason #394 Why Twilight Disappoints Me

When Jacob imprinted on Renesmee, his first response to Edward and Bella wasn't to point out how the age gap is less than a third the gap between Edward and Bella.

[lilacpaperbird]

https://turbidapoplexy.tumblr.com/post/741207882272571392/daveroser-here-entering-my-third-hour-my-wrists

Hey I'm so sorry to send this I know it probably seems weird af and annoying but the homestuck people have put together a script to fraud votes and are all literally just letting it pump out votes while not even being on the computer- I've been frauding for wincest for the last hour and they took the MCR guys down by like 200 something votes in not even a full hour. I think we should vote for them (MCR, they still have a tiny lead) while we're frauding for wincest because homestuck is going to be impossible to beat otherwise

also they edited the post, before it had more information about the script and how it performs 2 votes every 53 seconds

holy shit. we're literally deranged. like I'm actually laughing right now (sleep-deprived kinda laugh). the way this tournament has gotten so out of hand... honestly atp, I can only focus on securing the win against amma/camille. if we won this one but lost the next round I'd be okay with it. because I want to win this one because it's personal now yk?? I can't back down. now, the script to fraud... I think it's distasteful, because if you're going to put fake votes on a poll, they have to be hand-made – it's honest dishonest work

and lastly, I can't vote for MCR because I had already voted for daverose sorry (I don't ship either actually). and I don't think I can invest in fake-voting for them too because I'll probably actually lose my mind

[unxpctedlygreat]

[shadebloopnik]

Mom: *worried i'd be getting in relationships too early or getting screwed over by a partner*

Me, who, in abt 2 decades of my existence, only ever seems to fall in love with fictional characters and has found a total of one(1) irl person i was attracted to for a week: Do I have good news for you-

[frownyalfred]

okay so there were a ton of posts/fics about the hilarious "fuck/maryy/kill" Bruce Wayne & Justice League scenario (I read them all, amazing comedic timing y'all) but to me, the most hilarious scenario is the JL play fuck/marry/kill, Bruce's name comes up, and half of the people in the room in the know immediately turn bright red and refuse to keep playing and no one will explain why.

Hal: "...and I would fuck Bruce Wayne. No, I would kill him. Nah, actually I'd fuck him, who am I kidding."

Clark: choking on his coffee and rapidly turning an alarming shade of red

Diana: "An....interesting choice, of course."

J'onn: "Shall we play a different game?"

Hal: "Wait, what? that was the game, wasn't it?"

Ollie: "I'm with Hal, I'd fuck the shit out of Bruce. He's the easiest guy I know, it's not like it'll exactly be a hardship for him."

*every single person in the room turns to Batman, standing in the corner*

Clark: "Wow! I think I just heard someone drop an ice cream cone in Guatemala. Batman, I'll need a team up."

Ollie: "For ice cream?"

Diana, standing up and putting herself in between Bruce and Hal: "This sounds dire. I will also assist."

Clark, under his breath, one hand on Bruce's back: "It's not worth it. He's not worth it. Come on. Walk it off."

[debtsunpaid]

somehow this blog has become populated with a dozen characters whose relationships to their siblings roughly boils down to "that's not just my family, that is my limb, and to remove them from me would be unthinkable."

and then there's manny and the demon constantine, with a hacksaw and a dream.

[thedomesticanthropologist]

Everyone thinking Astarion would be the most romanced companion only to have him land in 4th or 5th place is the most hilarious outcome

Because Astarion himself would have walked up to those stats absolutely PREENING and being INSUFFERABLE, so certain he was #1 he wouldn't have thought for a MOMENT that he wouldn't be,

He'd have spent the whole morning pissing everyone off in the MOST obnoxious way, and then they all pile up against the poster pinned to the wall and he sees that he's not only NOT first, but he's WAY DOWN THE LIST

And him being just absolutely STUNNED the look on his face when then whole team just starts busting a gut

Wyll: thought you'd be used to bottoming- er, being on the bottom, eh Astarion?

Gale: oh how the mighty have fallen. Or never gotten up to begin with, as it seems.

Karlach: cheer up Soldier, I'd kiss that pointy mug of yours any day

Shadowheart, absolutely PREENING: I'm not surprised in the least. It's nice to see you in your proper place, Astarion. Like I am in mine.

Laezel: is this a battle prowess ranking they did it wrong I should be winning

Halsin: And so the Peacock finds its plumes plucked. Ease your heart, Astarion. Your feathers are still most entrancing to those of us who see you.

Astarion: I'm going to kill you all and burn. This. Poster.

[piplupod]

aaaaaa

[popcat69]

how do you think rottmnt leo would deal with his s/o sometimes getting on top of him or pinning him down to make him behave when he is in a bratty mood and pushing buttons too much? S/o doesn’t realise the compromising position they are in while Leo is so focused on how close they are and s/o suddenly gets off him when it seems like he’s calming down (fluster him for once). They innocently don’t know what they have done to Leo. They just know it’s the only way to make him behave 😂

a/n:i woke up and saw 5 new messages in my inbox and im just like omd

Warnings: swearing, leo being an ass like always

“Umm no your holding that wrong”

“No i think im holding it right”

“Sure you are.”

You just look at him like your about to kill him

“I don't appreciate the sarcasm leonardo”

“I don't appreciate the way you cant hold a fork”

“You have 3 fingers i don't think i’m the one who can't hold a fork properly”

“Whatever”

“I will kill you”

“I'd like to see you try”

And he just sees your eyes light up and he's like oh fuck

You leap on him straddling his waist with an angry look on your face and you pin down his arms 

He's blushing so much

His face looks like he's going to explode 

And you just keep a straight ass face and say..

“What were you saying”

“N-nothing”

And you gain this smug ass look on you face

“That's what i thought”

You do this every time he piss you off and it sets him straight so fast is insane

You don't know why but it works

So you just go with it

Fucking hilarious

He’s speaking in tongues for the next half an hour

You just get off him and after and walk away like nothing happens

He stays laying on the couch trying to understand what happened

His face

Omd

He's so shocked

But bro in love more every single time

[hopelessdazai]

✿ 》 Will you talk to me again?

╰⧼ 🪻 note.. ⧽ ; I don't expect this to do well because its not smut but it'd be nice !! reblogs appreciated, support your creators :)

╰⧼ ☀️ features.. ⧽ ; dazai x gn!reader, WC ; 784

╰⧼ 🌙 contents.. ⧽ ; angst, reader isn't alive, letter from dazai. he's trying very hard to keep himself stable but it's not working™.

To my dearest ______ .

It's been a while, hasn't it? I hope you don't mind me writing to you like this, it's simply been too long. I'm sure you're still angry at me, so seeing you physically isn't my best interest right now! haha, I'm sorry. you know I'm just joking around, don't you? I'd love to see you in person. I'm sure you would've punched my arm if you heard me out loud right now, wouldn't you? I'm glad I'm spared of the bruises.

what does someone put in a letter? that's what I was asking myself before I even began writing. I decided that the best way to do something like this was to just write whatever I feel true as pen touches paper. I hope it makes sense to you, at the least. if I'm pouring my heart out on some paper only for it to be misunderstood, it feels like a waste, no?

though, i'd be lying if i said it wouldn't be rather cute to see you try to fathom what I mean. did you know you scrunch your nose like a bunny sometimes when you're reading? I'm sure you're doing that now too. you'll get wrinkles very at this rate ..

but anyway, I managed to prank kunikida the other day! you remember that hair dye trick I'd told you about? I managed to break into his apartment and swap out his shampoo, at last! he came into work the next day with black hair, it was hilarious, you should've been here! he was so angry with me. beat me black and blue!

oh, _____. I got a new heated blanket for our bed, you know? it took a while to save up for it, and I had to cut out some other necessities, sure. but it makes everything so much better! I hate cold beds, I'm sure you know that better then anyone. haha, back before we moved in together when I'd break into your apartment and crawl into bed with you. I'm sorry for the amount of locks I broke, but your place was so cozy!

... you know, it's been really hard without you here. I miss you so painfully, and I don't mean to call into the void without even an echo, but its killing me to pretend I'm fine about any of this. I'm not fine with this, how am I supposed to be? I wish it was just a bad dream.

I don't want to have to write letters to you anymore, ______. I don't want to have to buy heated blankets to try and stop my arms from aching for your warmth. I don't want you to be angry with me, I'm sorry I didn't apologise to you before you were gone. I shouldn't have been so stupid.

i had so many words on my mind that I was too afraid to say. maybe if I faced myself and told you 'I love you' it would've stopped you leaving.

have you met odasaku yet? has he told you any stories of his time? I wish I could hear your voice again. I wish you could answer my questions. even to hear you scoff at my stupidity again would heal me. I'm sorry I was annoying, I just wanted your attention. it stings knowing I'll never get it again.

I can't keep repeating to myself that you're not gone. I can't keep buying your perfume and pretending that you're in the next room over. your pillow doesn't smell like you anymore.

I wish I could apologise properly. I wish I could've stopped you from leaving the house that night. I wish I could kill myself to join you and yet I know we won't cross paths again in the afterlife. you were always too good for me, ______. i was nothing compared to you.

i picked up a homeless dog yesterday. you'd always wanted a puppy, I'm sorry I never let you bring one home. I named it after you. im trying to get used to them, I promise. if I couldn't save you, I'll save your name.

I'm sorry. if I continue writing, my throat will hurt more. its strange, isn't it? crying makes your throat sore. I forgot what it was like for a while, I remember laying in your arms wondering if I'd ever have a reason to cry again. now I can't seem to help myself.

keep your wings clean for me, white looks good on you. its a shame you couldn't wear the wedding attire i wished to see you in one day. you would've looked amazing.

I'll write again, missing you is the greatest honor.

sincerely, your osamu.