#I'm happy for my friends who actually succeeded with their work

[chodzacaparodia]

Yes.

Yes, it is.

[wildernessuntothemselves]

Heaven is not fit to house a love (like you and I) | Last Part

Word Count: 13.8k

Genre: smut, angst, fluff

Summary: When you first met your boyfriend, it was love at first sight. No, more than that. It was love before you even met. It felt like you had known each other in another life and were meant to find each other again. 

But that's not actually true, is it? You and Beomgyu don't actually know each other from another life, and the dreams you've been having aren't memories of your past life either. That's ridiculous. 

But then why does Beomgyu get so defensive about them? And why does each dream feel more real than the one before? 

A/N: this is the sequel to my series YAMQN but I'm trying to write it in a way that it would be comprehensible to people who have never read YAMQN. The parts in italic are the dreams. 

Warnings: fem!reader, sub!gyu, dom!reader, dom!gyu, sub!reader, fingering, handjobs, missionary, doggy, mentions of previous noncon, yandere behaviour, violence, bodily harm, alienation

You still have the dreams, the memories, the torment. They never went away despite you trying your goddamn hardest. Your brain seems to conjure them up harder and more vividly the more you work to push them away. You don't know if Beomgyu knows this but he's beside you every possible second of every day, keeping you busy and helping to push it all away, or at least distract you from it. 

You've quit your job. Beomgyu isn't unreasonable. He will help you get another job, just as soon as you feel better. But not right now. You're not ready yet. You need rest and he makes sure you get it, devoting every second he's not at his job or getting you food and stuff you need to taking care of you.

He wanted you to move away, just pack your things and get away from this place that had brought you both such grief, but you couldn't go through with it. Not yet. You had freaked out when he suggested it, telling you it would do you good to get a fresh start and get away from Taehyun but you know he wouldn't be the only one you'd be getting away from. All your friends are here. Your family is here. And even though you're hardly seeing them right now, you know it wouldn't be right to completely uproot yourself from everything you've ever known except Beomgyu. Even though you'd promised to completely and fully devote yourself to only him, you know it can't be good for your already unstable mental state.

You tell him that you'd feel so terribly alone if you move away, especially when he goes to work. So he offers to quit his job to spend all his time with you, explaining that he has put aside some savings he could use for the time being but you still refuse. You tell him that you'd be horribly selfish to let him waste the little precious money he saved up just so he can babysit you but you don’t tell him about how much it scares you to cross that last boundary, to let him completely and utterly devour your entire life despite something at the bottom of your soul telling you to just give it to him.   

Beomgyu reassures you that he doesn’t mind. He wants to spend his money to make sure you're taken care of, but you still refuse. You stand your ground and hold onto the last shred of your life that is not his–for what? You don’t know–and he reluctantly lets it go, for now at least. 

Instead, he uses the time he does have with you to pamper you, feeding you breakfast in bed, getting you things to occupy your time while he's away, drawing baths for you when he gets home from work. It all feels so terribly familiar. The sense of deja vu choking you but Beomgyu is determined to mentally and physically push it all out of your mind and take its place instead. 

He only reads you happy poems and stories, only sings you cheerful love songs. You feel like he’s lulling you into a deep slumber. You're still where you've always been–your friends and family are still within reach, your old life is there to reclaim if you want to–but it's like he'd succeeded in putting a wall between you and the world just like he wanted, and it scares you that you can't tell if that is a good or bad thing. Maybe you should just give into him, fall into him and dissolve into his being until no one will ever be able to pull you apart again. 

You feel his fingers knead the skin of your shoulders as he sits behind you in the bathtub–once again using his free time after work to take care of you instead of giving himself a break after working hard all day. Bubbles and candles surround you, the calming scent of them permeating your brain like a drug, aided by the glass of wine in your hand, to lull you further into your slumber. You let out small hums of appreciation under Beomgyu's expert hands that seem to know you better than you know yourself. How does he know where exactly to touch to unwind a particular knot in your back or relieve a certain stress that has been nagging you for a while? All you have to do is sit there and sip your wine, letting the groggy feeling from the liquid combine with the blissful pleasure of Beomgyu's touch to submerge you deeper into a dreamy state that one day you may never wake up from. 

“There is this beach I was reading about online that I'd like to visit.” You tell him lazily and he chirps happily. He always gets so excited when you initiate any outings or dates to go on and it makes that familiar tender spot in your heart ache at how selfish you’re being. He tries so hard to make you happy and fill your life up with fun and exciting things to do to distract you from the loneliness, and yet you so rarely respond in kind. “Sure. Anything you want, my love.” 

You smile, hearing the relief in his voice, and you go on, a little more excitedly. “It's near that old medieval castle at the cliff top. It's very popular.” 

“Oh, that place.” His hands falter and you can feel a sudden strange chill in the air. “It's just an overrated touristy spot. I know plenty of other beaches that are better.”

You pout. You didn't expect his response. He is usually happy to do whatever you want and you had actually been looking forward to going to that particular beach for a while. “But I want to go there. The beach looks really nice and I thought I could even go explore that old abandoned castle with my prince.” You giggle, trying to crane your head back to send him a flirty look but the expression you find on his face wipes all hints of playfulness off yours.

“And I don't want to. Pick literally anywhere else.” His response is strangely irritated and you frown. You should probably drop it. He is right. There are plenty of nice beaches around. You don't have to go to that particular one. But something about his sharp refusal prompts you to dig more. Stupid girl. Don’t you know that curiosity killed the cat? 

“Why do I need to when we can just go there?” You huff, tension creeping back into your shoulders. 

“I said no.” He rebuts with no explanation and your fiery temper sparks through the heavy fog that has been weighing on your brain. 

“Oh, you said no? Well then if Master says no then I guess that's the end of it.” You snap, your anger begging for you to let it catch fire.  

“Why are you being difficult? I thought you said you'd listen to me?” 

And just like it, he snuffs it all under his finger. You immediately shut down. How long is he going to hold that over your head? You've quit your job. You haven't spoken to Taehyun since then. You hardly see your friends. You stay home waiting for him like a dutiful little housewife. What more does he want from you? You know you've made a mistake. You know you promised to make it up to him and regain his trust, but surely asking to visit a stupid beach doesn't count as a potential breach of trust, does it? 

“Forget it.” You mumble, deflated. You were really looking forward to going there. The place looked super pretty online. It was one of the few places lately that have managed to get you excited at the prospect of visiting them. It held a certain vibrant draw to it when everything else seemed gray and dull in comparison. But you guess you can’t have even that.

You try to get out of the bath, no longer in the mood for intimate messages, but Beomgyu holds you back. Of course, he does. 

“Wait.” You hear Beomgyu sigh and let his hands drop to the water to circle around your waist and pull your body back against him, his lips kissing the junction between your neck and shoulder gently, apologetically. “I'm sorry, baby. I just have a bad feeling about that place. Can't you trust me on that?”

A bad feeling about the place? What the fuck does that mean? It’s just a beach, what could possibly go wrong there? 

Still, you hesitate. You didn’t think that anything could go wrong by being friends with Taehyun either and that Beomgyu was being overly jealous and paranoid but here you are. Maybe if you go there you'll fucking drown or something crazy like that.

You suppose you can give him that. You know if you had a bad feeling about a place, Beomgyu would not force you to go there. It probably wouldn’t be fun anyway if you make him go and he hates every second of it. You want to do something you both enjoy. 

But you really wanted to visit that place. Maybe you should go when he's at work… 

No. Just the idea of going out in public alone without Beomgyu makes you shudder. You can't handle being around people without Beomgyu's comforting presence to rely on. He's got you right where he wants you.

“Fine.” You say in a small voice, finally relenting. 

“Thank you, princess.” He sighs in relief and the tension in the air begins to dissipate once again. “I know you’re bored. I promise to take some time off work and take you on a nice vacation somewhere. How does that sound?”

“Okay.” You mumble unenthusiastically. 

“Come on. Cheer up.” He holds your jaw gently and turns you towards him, his lips meeting yours in a kiss that slowly turns sensual. 

“Beomgyu…” You whine into his mouth, the water shifting as you rub your thighs together. He will never not have an effect on you. You’re too weak for him. 

“I know, princess.” His hand drops between your legs, loosening you up. “I got you.”

His light touches are as strong as electric currents coursing through your veins, and before long, you find yourself squirming in his hold, pushing yourself closer to his touch while paradoxically trying to get away from the intense feeling at the same time. 

But he doesn’t let you. He throws his other arm over you, caging you into place as he takes a hold of your breasts, kneading them until your nipples have pebbled in need. 

“Baby…” You keen, pushing your breasts further into his hand, and crying out as he pulls one of your perked nipples between his thumb and forefinger. 

“Relax for me, baby.” He hums, holding you in place as he works his fingers inside you. It stings a bit as the water dilutes your arousal but he throws your legs on either edge of the tub to give him more space for his fingers to easily breach your hole, the heel of his palm working in tandem to bring you to the edge so scarily fast that you barely even register the sharp bite of his teeth on your neck as he zealously marks you. “Let me take care of you.” 

It’s a spell–a bid to get you to let go, and it’s so hard to not give in when he makes it feel so damn good. 

You're so exposed like this. Even though there is no one here to see you but Beomgyu, it feels like the whole universe is watching him spread you open to his satisfaction and no amount of faux demurity would fool the universe into believing you're not a willing participant in all of this. It's hard to care about your debauched display when your orgasm was heating you up from the inside so much you feel like you might spontaneously combust. Why is it always so intense with him? How does he do it so well? 

You may never know but what you do know is that your orgasm was rolling towards you like the water rolling over the edge of the tub, sharp and sudden, and when it reaches you it threatens to take you under. But Beomgyu holds your head above the water as his relentless fingers continue to fuck you until you yield to his will. You break apart under his touch, forgetting about everything except him in those few moments, forgetting about the beach, the castle, Taehyun and everything you've lost–the only thing registering in your mind is Beomgyu's touch, Beomgyu's smell, Beomgyu's warmth.  

“Beomgyu, Beomgyu, Beomgyu!” You cry as your whole body convulses in his arms, yet it doesn't slip from his hold for even a second, and when you finally come down from your quaking orgasm, you're still in his hold but half of the bath water had spilled over the edge, exposing your skin to the chilly room air–a stark contrast to the searing heat of Beomgyu’s hard cock pressing against you lower back as he tries to subtly jerk himself off against you, and it's your turn to hold him in the palm of your hand.

His quiet desperation brings even more memories to mind, memories of prince Beomgyu needily humping you in frantic attempt to get off, secret exclamations of desire and forbidden love whispered hotly on the skin of your neck or ears or breasts as he mounts you like a dog in heat in a way that he makes sure to tell you is not befitting the image of a prince like him. 

But when you turn around, it's your Beomgyu you see there, a regular college student on the surface, though nothing about him is regular. Is he really even your Beomgyu? The image of him in front of you shimmering and wavering between the Beomgyu you know and prince Beomgyu, and you're not sure which one is real anymore.

“You’re perfect.” He tries to reach out to you but you put his hands on either edge of the bathtub. “Keep those there.”

“Baby–” He starts to whine but shuts up when you grab his submerged cock and start jerking him off roughly. More water splashes out of the tub but neither of you care. He'll clean it up after anyway and you don’t even feel guilty about it. 

“Please, please.” He cries pathetically as if you're the one in control.

“Please what?” You ask curiously as if you're expecting him to suddenly reveal something that would make sense of the tangled mess you've made of him in your mind. 

“Anything.” 

You snort. “God, if someone is to see you like this they'd think I never touch you. You've been cumming every day, in my hand, my mouth, my ass, my cunt, on my face, my tits, my back…”

“It's not enough.” He shakes his head, looking delirious. “Never enough.”

“Well if it's not enough then what's the point of me doing this?” You taunt, going to pull your hand away from him but his own hands quickly fly out to grab yours and put it back on his cock as his whole body springs forward to get close to you as if he could glue his body to yours so you can't escape. “No! Please!”

“Get your hands off me.” You growl and he quickly puts his hands back on the tub's edge, trying to appease you so you wouldn’t deny him, but it’s not enough. He has to feel as helpless as he makes you feel and so you push him away roughly, his head almost hitting the ceramic as his back meets the wall of the tub. 

“You can't keep your hands to yourself, huh?” You purr, raising your free hand to his chest to play with his nipples, making his back arch and his fingers turn as white as the ceramic they're gripping onto while your other hand twists over his cock. 

“Sorry.”

God, you hate hearing that false word fall out of his mouth. You're pretty sure Beomgyu has never been sorry for anything in his life. 

“Are you?” You challenge, squeezing your hand around the head of his cock tightly. “Are you really sorry?” 

“Princess?” He cocks his head to the side innocently, as if he has no idea what you’re talking about. God, how he drives you crazy. “Please, I’ve been good.” 

Has he? You can’t tell anymore. He's poisoned your mind so much you can't think straight. 

You sigh, jerking him off fast, hard, knowing that the only thing that can soothe your troubled mind right now is watching your tormenter–your everything–fall apart in your grip just like he had done to you over and over again. And he doesn't disappoint. 

“Fuck! Oh, gods, I'm so close.” 

“Gods?” You laugh. That’s new. “I'm your only god, baby.”

“Yeah… only you.” He easily agrees with whatever you say, no thoughts behind his big adoring eyes, his body lying limp in the bathtub, only his hips moving to meet your fist everytime it goes down to smack against his pelvis. “Wanna cum for you. Worked so hard for it.”

“You did, didn't you?” You coo, one of your thumbs brushing against his hard nipples while the other teases the slit of his leaking cock. “Worked so hard to take care of me. Just need a little bit of attention in return, don't you?”

He nods eagerly, his lewd unabashed moans echoing all around the small bathroom as his high builds and builds, not daring to snap without your divine order. “Please, please…”

“Poor baby.” You tsk, looking at the man laid out before you and knowing in your heart of hearts that he was far from innocent. 

Rotten. That's the word that comes to mind when you look at him and you can't put your finger on why. But then why does he still look so beautiful to you? 

“Cum for me, love.”

“Yes! Thank you!” He cries out, his cum shooting out of his cock and immediately dispersing in the soapy water, tainting it like he's tainted you but you can’t get yourself to get away from it, the same way you can't get yourself to get away from him. You're rotten too now.  

“I love you so much.” He slurs as his body sinks into the water. 

“I know.” You do. It's the only thing you can be sure of anymore in the confusing mess that has become your life. That and “I love you too.”

___________________________

“Taehyun, what are you doing here? How did you get this address?” Your slow dreamy life comes into sudden disturbing focus when you see the one person you've been hiding from standing right outside your door. But your barrage of questions can't stop him from pushing past you into the apartment and back into your life. 

“I got your address from Yujin.” He explains once he's in and you look around in worry. He shouldn't be here. You'd barely managed to convince Beomgyu not to hurt him when he found out you had kissed him. What is he going to do if he finds him alone with you in the apartment while he's at work? You can't even let yourself think about it. It's too terrifying. You need to get him out. Why the fuck would Yunjun give him your address? Is she doing this to get back at Beomgyu? To get back at you? 

“Please leave. Beomgyu is going to lose his shit if he sees you.” You tell him as if that's not the understatement of the century. But Taehyun doesn’t appear to be phased. 

“I know. He is very dangerous. That's why I'm here.” He tells you, calmly acknowledging your statement that would have anyone else possibly running for the hills. “I have to tell you something. I think you were right. I think the dreams are memories.” 

You freeze in your spot, all thoughts of getting him out of here suddenly put on the backburner. What the hell is he saying? Has he gone crazy too?

You have secretly, shamefully, been harboring that rotten suspicion for a while now. The dreams just all felt too real to just be dreams. Nothing that vivid, that detailed, could just be the product of a slumbering mind, right? Besides, it didn't even stop at the dreams. You were having these “recollections” even while you're awake now, but you don’t dare believe them to be real memories because what would that mean for you? Best case scenario is that you've officially lost your mind and worst case scenario is that all of those dreams and images actually are real and Beomgyu really did all those awful things. You did all those awful things for him. 

“What makes you say that?” You gulp, asking cautiously. This feels like one of those moments that could forever change the trajectory of your life and maybe if you keep a cool safe distance away, you'd come out of this unscathed.

“I have been having more of them too. They have been plaguing my every sleeping moment, my every waking moment. They’re driving me insane–” He looks up at you and his expression almost knocks you off your feet. You know that look all too well. You see it in the mirror every day now. It’s the look of someone feeling themselves going mad and hoping that they really are because the alternative is just too cruel to consider–all the grief, all the blood, all the loss. No, it’s simply too much to bear, and you can hear the same torment you’re running from twisting his voice as he goes on. “Memories of us together… we were married in your dreams, right?”

His face is afflicted with an agony so raw it lashes against your skin in thick, bitter strokes that leave you gasping.  You never told him that. How did he know that? Okay, calm down. Breathe. This doesn't mean anything. He just had a lucky guess. Nothing more. 

“Yeah.” You admit slowly, watching him cautiously as if waiting for a further attack from him, and he doesn't disappoint. 

“You left me for him.” He says, an accusation in his voice that makes you falter. He is speaking to you as if he’s now fully convinced that the dreams are true, as if you really were married and you’d left him for Beomgyu. 

“No!” It feels strange defending something that a possibly fictional, possibly real version of you may have done because she's not you!--or is she? You didn’t leave him but you did. You don’t have to answer for her crimes but you feel compelled to try to anyway. “I thought I was saving you.”

But that just makes him angry, his fury so deep it couldn’t possibly have just been born today. It feels ancient, the edge of it sharpening over centuries. “Don't lie. That's not why you left.”

“It is. I swear. I just wanted to save you. I wanted to save everyone.” Your words sound insane even to your own ears but they're tumbling out of your mouth before you can even fully process them, again feeling compelled to defend yourself. You don’t even understand half of what you’re fighting about–your only aid in this battle are half-formed images of a fabled previous life you don’t want to remember.

“You’re lying to yourself.” He spits out bitterly, his visage taking on a hue that makes him look much older than he actually is–that makes him look like the Taehyun from your dreams, afflicted by loss and death and forced to grow up way too quickly. And here he is again, aging years in the blink of an eye. “You knew how crazy he was. You knew he wouldn't stop and you didn’t care. You just wanted to go back to him. You never fucking cared.”

“I didn't. I swear to god–” The way his conversation was heading brings a fresh wave of nauseating deja vu crashing onto you. You shake your head, trying to dispel whatever Folie a deux you both seem to have fallen victim to. You need to pull the plug on this insanity before you completely lose your mind. 

“Forget it. This is insane. Those memories aren't real. We're just working ourselves up into a frenzy. My brain has obviously sprung up all that shit out of my anxiety regarding me and Beomgyu's relationship, and after I told you about them, you started dreaming them up too.” You narrow your eyes at him as you attempt to rationalize your way through this mess, “Or you're taking advantage of my obvious mental instability to convince me to ditch my boyfriend to be with you.”

That must be it. It's the only explanation that makes sense and you try to hold onto it like a woman drowning, but Taehyun refuses to let you. 

“For fuck's sake, woman, wake up!” He grabs you by the shoulder and shakes you as if he could forcefully shake off the walls of denial you’ve been trying to build around yourself. “It's me. We've been reincarnated again for some sick reason and we're forced to relive everything we've done again, just in a different setting. Maybe it's a punishment. Maybe it's a test to see if we would choose differently. Choose right.”

“And the right choice is you?” You ask and he scoffs, looking affronted by the mere idea of there being a question about it. “It clearly isn't him. After all he's done to you. He imprisoned you. He raped you… He killed you.”

He looks as if he doesn't fully realize what he'd said until he’d said it, as if the returning memory was compelling his tongue to speak before it's been fully realized in his brain, and as the memory passes through him to you, you suddenly feel a sharp, piercing pain in your abdomen. It only lasts for a second but it draws the breath right out of you. For that second it feels like your soul is being carried away on that breath and you panic at the terrifyingly all too familiar sensation of dying. No. No. No.

But just as suddenly as that breath was exhaled, it was shoved back into your chest when Taehyun covers the phantom wound with his hand. Your own hands quickly clasp around his, and your eyes widen in a gruesome realization. 

“He killed our baby.” You whisper, your face suddenly wet with tears you didn't realize were there. Oh god. You're the dead ex-girlfriend, aren't you? There was never anyone else. It was always you.

“He did. He wasn’t going to let anyone have you if he couldn’t. Even your own child.” Taehyun says, allowing a painful melancholy back into his voice. “So he stole you from the world.” 

You and Taehyun slowly and fearfully piece together this traumatic past life you seemed to share, some details you had already recalled before while others were triggered by Taehyun’s own mad recollections. It's not a perfect story. There are many gaps in it but the main frame is enough. 

You were a Lady at Prince Beomgyu's royal palace. You loved each other but couldn't be together because he was betrothed to someone else, couldn't even tell eachother. But Beomgyu was secretly plotting to keep you bound to him, and it was working until Taehyun came into the picture and you developed an interest in each other. Beomgyu didn’t like that and he went crazy and… he hurt you. That pushed you to finally escape from him and marry Taehyun but your marriage wasn't perfect and Beomgyu took advantage of that. He threatened the lives of thousands, including Taehyun, if you didn’t go back to him. Taehyun told you not to but you did. You thought you'd be saving him and everyone else but you had just stupidly walked into Beomgyu's trap. He never intended to let Taehyun live. And when you finally realized your mistake, when you saw Taehyun's life on the line, you acted in a moment's frenzy to save him, plunging your knife right into Beomgyu's heart and ultimately succumbing to a fatal wound he dealt to you in response with a kiss and a promise that he'd find you again.

And he did. Gods help you, he did. 

It's a horrific story, disgusting, cruel, and you don’t want to believe it. It can't be. 

“We have to go. We have to leave before he comes back.” Taehyun pulls on your arm but you hesitate, automatically digging your heels on the ground and not letting him move you. He stares at you in shock. “You can't be serious? You're choosing him again after everything?”

You shake your head, panicking. “No, Taehyun–”

You want to tell him that you haven't chosen anything. You just don't know enough to make a decision. You still don't know if any of this is actually real or if you're both just mad. Even if your brain tells you it is, your heart tells you that it can't be true. This is ridiculous. Beomgyu loves you. He would never do this to you. And who is to say that he even knows any of this himself? What if he's just like you and Taehyun were at first, only feeling an inexplicable sense of love for you and hatred towards Taehyun that he doesn’t even understand the source of? Is that why he had been acting so irrational and scared to lose you? Because he has all these emotions he can't explain? 

And what about Taehyun? Yes, you had something maybe in a past life but does any of that translate into right now? Can you abandon Beomgyu and the real love you have for each other in order to build a relationship based just on memories of a previous life that ended tragically for all of you? Did that past Taehyun even love you?

You want to explain all of that to him but you don't even get the chance to before you're interrupted by the sound of keys turning in the front door's lock. 

Your eyes widen and fear grips your heart. Despite what you tell yourself about none of this being real, you suddenly fear for Taehyun's life. 

“Hide. Please, hide.” You try to tell him but he's not listening to you. He has no intention of hiding and you can see that when he grabs your hand and pulls you behind him roughly. 

When Beomgyu steps into the house and sees you, all doubt in your heart about the memories being false dash out of the room with the first word out of his mouth. 

“Again?” He asks coldly, viciously. “I knew from the moment you met him that this would happen. Even centuries later you can’t fucking help but act like a slut when he's around, huh?”

“You knew.” You croak, throat closing up to try to prevent that breath from escaping once again, fear shaking you to your core. “You always knew.”

You were too kind. Too stupid. He wasn't acting crazy because he loves you so much and was afraid of losing you. He wasn't acting crazy because he didn't understand his own feelings. He was acting crazy because he's done this before and he’ll be damned if he lets you ruin it again. 

"Of course I did. I have to find you every time.” 

“Every time?” The shaking spreads to your heart, weakening it, throwing off its rhythm. Your poor, naive heart that doesn’t know what to do with itself when the one person it loved and trusted in the world has been lying to it this whole time. “This happened more than once before?”

He laughs cruelly. “This, something else, the details differ but it's always us. Me and you.” He turns to Taehyun with rage that could hardly be contained in the small room. “Not him. I haven't seen him since that first time. The gods really wanted to piss me off this time.”

“Or maybe they wanted her to finally break free from you.” Taehyun's grip tightens around you–to hold you back or to protect you, you don’t know–something that Beomgyu doesn’t fail to notice, his upper lip curling in a snarl, clearly displeased that Taehyun even dares to touch you. But before he can act out on his rage, you speak up. 

“So what? We just keep getting reincarnated and reliving this misery over and over again?” You’re surprised he hears you when you can hardly hear yourself. 

“You do. Not me. I was only reincarnated once, right after we died. I spent many lifetimes in your tomb, mourning you. I thought that was what I was brought back for and I would've stayed there forever but I was drawn out by the gods who wanted me to realize they’ve sent you back again and again for me to find you. It's amusing to them, to see me suffer and lose you.” 

He knew from the beginning. He knew lifetimes ago and he lied to you from the start, made you feel crazy for having these dreams, tried to gaslight you into believing it was all in your head all while working to put distance between you and everyone else so he can have you all to himself. How long was he going to keep up the facade for? Is this what he did every time or does he always come up with new cruel and unusual ways to break you just like he did that very first time? 

“Why?” You ask lowly and he stares at you in confusion, not understanding the question so you gather up your strength and speak louder, more clearly. You need to finally get answers. “Does it ever work?” 

“Sometimes it does. For a little while anyway, before the gods decide we've had it good for too long and tear us apart again.” He scowls, blasphemously enraged at those mythically evil gods. “At first I thought they were giving us second chances but they're just laughing at us, watching us get together before ripping us apart like a child ripping the wings off a fly.”

“Then why let them? Why keep doing it?” You ask again and Beomgyu directs his anger at you. 

"Would you have been able to have all those memories of us, not just of our first life but every single one after, all these fragments of our infinity together and just ignore it and move on, just pretend like you don't know the other half of your soul is out there waiting for you to complete them?"

You shake your head. No. You've fallen for it before you'd even regained your memories. You can't imagine how brutal it is on him. God, to imagine him scouring the earth looking for you only to lose you again and again in horrific ways… it made your soul ache for him despite everything. 

"I have to keep trying. We were so close this time. We were fucking happy. I worked so hard to make everything perfect for us but you had to ruin it. You had to let him in.” He growls at Taehyun who was unimpressed with his entire confession. 

“If my mere existence was enough to ruin your happiness then maybe it wasn't real from the start.” He challenges, not letting you go for a second. He'd learned his lesson. His hold on you hurts, turns your hand cold and blue but you dare not protest. “You've lied to her, manipulated her and blinded her until she bowed to your twisted will and even then she was still struggling against you every step of the way. If you really loved her, you would let her go. I bet she was the most happy during those lifetimes when you were under the ground in her tomb where you belong. You killed her. You deserve to mourn her for eternity. You don't deserve to get a second chance with her.” 

“It doesn’t matter what I deserve. I know she wants to be with me, which is more than I could say about you.” Beomgyu’s face twists in a sadistic grin. “Despite everything, she still can’t live without me. You know, because you've tried to make her. She never loved you and it kills you to know it.” 

That works. Taehyun lets go of your hand and lunges at him. Beomgyu is on the ground before the scream leaves your tense throat. He didn’t stand a chance. You’ve seen Taehyun fight before, and Beomgyu–immortal being that he is–still is not able to weather the flurry of punches Taehyun’s trained fists are raining down at him. 

Taehyun pummels him to the ground right in front of your eyes and you can’t bear to see it. Yes, Beomgyu has hurt you. Yes, he has been lying to you and manipulating you all this time. Yes, he's done unthinkable things for you, to you, but you still can't just stand there and watch him get hurt. You're sick of all the pain. You want it to be different this time. Maybe that's the way to break free of this curse. 

You try to tear them apart but Taehyun is like an unstoppable force that has been dying to be unleashed. You cry and pull and plead but he doesn’t stop, slowly reducing the love of your life into a bloody, gory crime scene before your very eyes and you don't know what to do to stop him. 

It’s only when you see the glint of a knife as he pulls it out of his pocket that you’re able to finally do something to stop the carnage, and you throw yourself over Beomgyu in order to protect him. 

“Please!” You cry out, inconsolable. “Please, stop hurting him.”

Please, don’t take him from me again. You hear her sob from deep inside your soul, getting louder and louder by the second as she struggles to finally break through the rusty door of memory and time. 

“He has to die.” Taehyun growls, looking crazed. “He won't stop until he’s dead.”

No. No more death. That can’t be how it ends again. 

“I can't let you hurt him.” You sob, shielding Beomgyu with your life. You don’t know if this Taehyun would kill you–You don’t know if past Taehyun would’ve killed you–but you can’t let him do this. 

“I knew you would choose me, princess.” You hear Beomgyu’s muffled voice from beneath you and look down to see a demented, bloody grin on his face before you and Taehyun are thrown off him. 

He does it so easily, leaving you to gape at him in shock. If he could’ve done this from the start then why did he let Taehyun beat him up? 

You watch in horror as the tables quickly turn and in the blink of an eye it’s Taehyun that is on the floor and Beomgyu is on top of him with his hands around his throat, choking the life out of him. No matter how hard Taehyun tries to push him off, he does not budge. 

You try too. Beomgyu was never heavy, even you are usually able to throw him around if you really wanted to, but now he is like a rock that can’t be moved. You rip at his clothes and nothing. You claw at his skin and nothing. Nothing happens except the slow snuffing of Taehyun’s breath under him. 

“No. Why are you doing this?” You wail, tears burning on your cheeks. “Just stop. Please. I can’t lose either of you again.” 

But you should’ve known better. You should’ve known that would only make Beomgyu angrier. "This is why he has to die. We were happy before he came along and we’ll be happy again once he’s gone.” 

You can see Taehyun’s face turn blue as he struggles and fails to push Beomgyu off him, the only sound coming from him are his thrashing limbs, no air able to escape from under Beomgyu’s death grip. 

The view is enough to suffocate even you and you quickly say everything you could think of that might persuade Beomgyu to spare Taehyun, even if spelt your own doom. “Don't hurt him. I'll go with you. I swear I will go with you and I won't try to fight you ever again. Just let him go. Let him go and I’ll be all yours.” 

“Your promises mean nothing to me when you’ve broken them so easily before. It doesn’t matter. You’re mine anyway.” He answers, unimpressed and you shake your head. “I will fight you every day if you hurt him. I will never forgive you. You may have me physically but my heart won’t be yours anymore. You’ve fucked up so much Beomgyu. You owe me this.” 

He grunts, his hands tightening around Taehyun’s throat for a second–the poor man’s face almost turning purple now–before he loosens his grip enough to allow a thin, raspy breath of air into Taehyun’s lungs. 

“What does it matter anyway? He'll be reborn again. Away from us.” He spits out angrily, his fingers twitching–dying to resume their vice grip on Taehyun’s throat but thankfully holding back.  

"It matters to me. If you want me to let you have me, you’ll spare him.” 

To your surprise, it is not Beomgyu but Taehyun who speaks up, his voice so uncharacteristically weak coming out of his almost crushed windpipe. “Let him kill me. Maybe then I'll be rid of you.”

The coldness in his voice freezes the air in your lungs, forming jagged icicles that tear you apart from the inside. 

“You've made a fool of me too many times before. I will not live out another life as a fool. Free me of you.”

You hold back your tears. “Taehyun…” 

“You'll never escape from him because you deserve him.” 

Beomgyu looks torn between his fury at Taehyun’s vicious attack on you, and his relief that he’s ruining whatever goodwill you’d built up behind his back, but he seems to settle on the latter, a slow unkind smile warping his lips. 

“See what he is? He was never the better option. He would never love you like I do, unconditionally and forever. Let me kill him. It will do us all good.” His voice turns fearsome on that last appeal and you struggle to remain unshaken in the face of it. Yes, you deserve this. If all the little and big pieces of your past life that have come back to you are real then you deserve to live in a world bound to the monster you nurtured and hated by the one man who tried to break you free from him. 

“Let him live.” You insist, fighting both men for Taehyun’s life now. “Let him live or I’ll make sure that all that you’ve worked for this time will have been for naught. You may as well kill me after him because you’ll never be able to have me in this lifetime again.” 

Beomgyu bares his teeth at you like a feral dog, unhappy about your demands of mercy for the sake of the man who in his eyes was the reason he lost you–and by the sounds of it is intent on doing it again.

“If you keep me alive I will hunt you both down until I kill you.” He warns and Beomgyu looks at you in a silent plea, like a child begging to pour salt on a slug, but you shake your head at him. 

Do you not care about his threat? Of course you do. Do you not believe him? Of course you do. But just like before, you've got no one to blame but yourself and Beomgyu–Beomgyu because he forces the strings of fate to weave to his will and bring you together no matter how ugly and knotted it ends up making your lives, and you for always stringing along innocent people into it, tying them up into a mess that isn’t their own. 

“Come on, Beomgyu.” You put your hand out to him. “Let’s go.” 

You see the vitriol in his eyes soften at the extended hand. You know he wants to take it. He wants nothing more than to take your hand and disappear forever with you–Taehyun is an afterthought to him, this entire life just a distraction in the grand scheme of things–and so he does. He reaches out to take your hand, but not before he grabs Taehyun’s head, smacking it against the hard ground and knocking him out. 

You gasp at the violent action, withdrawing your hand in shock but Beomgyu doesn’t let you, reaching out to clasp it tightly in his own hand, reminding you that once you give him something, you can never have it back. “Beomgyu!”

He rolls his eyes, standing up and pulling you flush against his body. “He’ll live. Might take some time to recover, or better yet he’ll be dumber for it, but he’ll live just like you wanted. Now forget about him and just focus on me.” He grabs your chin and turns your gaze away from the unconscious Taehyun and towards his own face. “You have to hold up your end of the bargain now princess or you'll pay with his life.” 

Of course. Even this small act of kindness couldn't be selfless. He only did it in order to ensure your good behavior. As long as you live, you’ll have to appease Beomgyu's demented whims or Taehyun’s life will be on the line. A deal with the devil.

Your lips tremble and you ask yourself. Is this really what you deserve after all? Were the sins of your past life so offensive to the gods that the only way to pay for them is through eternal damnation with your monster? Was there no hope of salvation for you? And would you have taken it if there was? 

“Where are you taking me?” You ask in a shaky voice as he pulls you after him and away from the flat, leaving every part of this temporary life behind. 

"Somewhere no one will ever find us.”

__________________________________

The journey to this place in the middle of nowhere lasts longer than you could’ve imagined, longer than you could stay awake, that it feels like he was really taking you somewhere at the edge of the universe where no one can reach you ever again. You doze off as the adrenaline that had kept you going until now leaves your body, and Beomgyu is more than happy to let you rest in the backseat of his car as he takes you through dark remote areas you wouldn’t have been able to keep track of even if you were awake. 

When you finally reach your destination and groggily step out of the car with his help, you almost think you’re still dreaming, because in front of you is a massive mansion you’ve never seen or heard off before. All the way around was nothing but empty woods, the imposing and impressive structure seemingly completely cut off from the rest of the world. 

You look at Beomgyu in shock, the sleep flying off your eyes at the unexpected sight. 

Beomgyu grins–or at least attempts to through the swelling of his lips, his bloody teeth barely visible underneath. Oh, your poor beautiful boy. He looks like a mess. “Do you like it, princess?” 

“H-How?” You ask cluelessly as he pulls you towards the entrance. “Being immortal has its perks. I knew I needed to make myself a small fortune to show off whenever you were ready to come back to me.” 

You’re in for a bigger shock when you finally step inside the mansion, because everyone and everything here–all the decorations, furniture, servants and household staff gathered around to greet you–are all styled in a way you only recognize from your dreams. The entire mansion looks as if Beomgyu had plucked it straight out of your first life. 

And yes, there are people there. You had been fully expecting this grand building to be running on magic or something ridiculous like that. After all, if immortality and vengeful gods are real, what makes the thought that stupid? But no, there are people here and you honestly can’t tell if they belong to this era or if Beomgyu somehow stole them from your previous life. 

“Welcome home, my lady.” A woman who you presume to be the head of the household staff bows towards you. You just stare at her, mouth agape. She didn’t look like she was wearing a costume or putting on an act. She looked exactly how you remember the staff at the old palace looked like.  

And what did she say? Home? Is this really home? It looked like it–definitely smaller than Beomgyu’s old palace despite how big and opulent it is by modern standards– but you’re scared by how your guards are already going down by the familiar sight. 

Beomgyu nudges you as the woman straightens back up and stares at you in expectation. 

“Uh, yes, thank you.” You chew on your lip and Beomgyu chuckles lightly. “You’ll have to forgive my princess. This is all a bit of a shock for her. I am sure once she goes back to her old self, she’ll be much more mannerly.” 

“Ah, yes, of course. Silly me.” The woman laughed graciously in turn, “The poor dear must be exhausted from all that travel. I know we have all been waiting for her to finally arrive but I suppose our welcome party will have to wait for the morning when she’s properly rested.”

They have been waiting? They knew you were coming. Beomgyu was always going to win, wasn't he? It was just a matter of time. He always does.

“That’s right. She can hardly stay upright from the fatigue.” He pulls you towards him, and you realize belatedly that he’s holding you up by the waist. “Pray tell me that our bath is ready.”

“Of course, my prince. And a fresh change of clothes too.” She chirps happily, proud of her immaculate service. “It’s all waiting for you upstairs.” 

“Wonderful.” Beomgyu turns towards you and smiles, “Let's head to our chambers, love, shall we?”

Your spacious bedroom has an almost equally large ensuite attached to it where some servants were still fussing about, putting extra oils and salts into your bath to make it gentler and more calming, before Beomgyu dismisses them and goes about his familiar habit of bathing both you and himself. You barely register any of it, too preoccupied by the overstated luxury of the place around you to pay much attention to him undressing you and pulling you into the large tub–the water a perfect temperature, the smell heavenly, his touch both gentle and purposeful as he attempts to cleanse you of your previous life. 

You feel both out of place and right at home, the two very different sides of you pushing and pulling as you look around the room. The way this bathroom is decorated and even the products he’s using look and feel more expensive than your entire life had been so far, and Beomgyu appears well aware of that fact and quite pleased with it too–happy that he could finally show off what he’s been dying to for so long. You always had a feeling he wanted to shower you in the finer things and you never understood or accepted it because you thought he was just another broke college student making stupid rash decisions in order to impress his love, but now you get it. 

He makes sure to explain to you the source of everything he’s using and the rare ingredients that go into it, trying to appeal to that old part of you that had apparently yearned for spoils and riches. Of course these weren’t just simple shower products that normal plebs use. These were made specifically for you, just waiting for your arrival. He points out every aspect of the bathroom and the room attached to it that seems to be catching your eye at the moment and tells you how he chose them and where he got them from–how he chose the golden and brown accents because they’re reminiscent of the sunflowers you so adore–how he had the ceiling decorated in shining stars to resemble the stars you would see when you laid in each other’s arms in the palace gardens. It was all so meticulously planned and decorated just for you. 

Is it really for you though? It may have been for a past you but are you still her? Can this extravagance be for you when you never even realized that anyone would ever care to spend so much money on a place that everyone else uses only to get rid of their waste or wash off the dirt and grime off their bodies? 

But as Beomgyu continues to flaunt it all to you, you realize that even a room as ordinary as a bathroom is another space where the rich and powerful can show off their wealth. It’s a room where they go to shed the filth of the outside world away and relish in their highly curated luxury and beauty just as Beomgyu is doing right now–diligently scrubbing that real world off you and washing it down the drain until this fantasy mansion looks like it could be where you belong. 

If just the bathroom was hard for you to wrap your head around, you can’t even begin to describe how lavish the connected bedroom is, but one thing that catches your eye amidst the exuberance of it all is the portrait in the middle of the wall facing you. It’s a portrait of you and Beomgyu, or rather prince Beomgyu and the person you were back then. He is standing behind you in all his royal garb and you’re in front of him dressed in the finest silks and jewelry money can buy, shining like his most prized possession as one of his hands rests on your shoulder and another is seen wrapped around your waist possessively.  

“Do you like it, princess?” He asks after he dries you off with the softest towel you’ve ever felt on your skin, his hands almost mirroring the portrait as his slightly bloody lips follow the curve of your neck, not caring if he leaves small crimson streaks on your skin. “Does the place suit your taste?” 

“It’s…” You utter slowly, eyes jumping around the room as Beomgyu stares at you with hopeful anticipation, waiting for the realization of all his effort, but as you say your next words, his expression falls. “It’s a lot.” 

“A lot?” He scoffs, offended. “The you I know would never say such a word.” 

You gulp. “Well maybe that person isn’t here anymore.” 

Why would you say that? Why would you purposefully upset him when he’s shown you time and time again what he’s capable of? It’s a lie of course. She has always been there deep inside, slumbering but not dead, just waiting for him to come back and awaken her. 

“Not there anymore?” He growls, pushing you onto the impossibly soft bed and climbing over you, not as gentle as he had been so far. “Bullshit. You just need a little reminding.”

He kisses you roughly, angrily, with the weight of centuries of longing that had turned sharp and tender. You can’t help but respond back. Despite your words, she claws her way out of the abyss at his beckoning. 

“Why do you always have to make me work for it?” He growls, nipping at your neck while his fingers find their way between your legs, the easy practiced way he can get you dripping no longer such a mystery to you. He has honed it over lifetimes. “Why do you love torturing me?” 

You? Torturing him? He has controlled you in this life and the first one and probably all others in between. He has manipulated and hurt you in countless ways and yet you’re the one hurting him? 

“Because you deserve it.” You breathe out mournfully, “We deserve it.” 

His swollen lips curl in distaste. “I don’t care. As long as I got you, I don't give a shit about anything else. Let me be damned for all of eternity as long as you're mine.” He kisses you again, the metallic bitter taste of blood combined with his natural sweetness so fitting for him, your corrupted angel. “Always mine.” 

He pushes his fingers inside you and your pussy takes him easily, knowing who it belongs to before even you did. 

The way he has you on your back with your legs open and your feet in the air is a scene you’re sure has recurred over and over again across your centuries with him, repeatedly laying his claim to your pliant body until you can no longer rebuke him, your body knowing what to expect now even if your mind still struggles to catch up. 

You feel Beomgyu pull on your hand to wrap it around his cock, the silent order from him not needing to be said out loud for your body to start acting, your grip on him turning firm as your hand moves in that practiced way over his cock that has his jaw hanging open and his back arching into your touch, his eyes hungrily feasting on the sight of you splayed open and ready for the taking.  But he waits, letting both your desires build up to an unbearable heat. 

“Fuck, Beomgyu… just do it already.” You hiss, sick of the wait. He knows you're his. You've always been and always will be so he should just get it over with. But of course Beomgyu can't let it be that simple. He has to force you to say it. He has to rub your face in it so you won't dare disobey or deny him again. 

“Is my princess in there?” He cocks his head to the side, his thumb flicking your swollen clit, making you bite down on your lip. You can’t bear the way he looks at you. It makes your skin burn. 

“Yes.” A few hot tears fall down the sides of your face. Why bother fighting it anymore? He has won. 

“Does she want me?” He continues, pulling his fingers out and making you whimper at the emptiness as he takes your hand off him so he can replace his fingers at your entrance with the head of his cock, hot and thick, taunting you with what he could give you if you bend to his will. “Do you want me?”

He leans down to press his forehead against yours, locking eyes with you and looking right into your core, forcing you to face him as you give in. 

You let out a pathetic cry. “Yes. I want you. I will always want you.”

“Good girl.” He pushes inside you, letting out a heavy sigh of relief, like coming home after being lost for so long. “I missed you so much. I always knew you'd come back to me.”

He did. This entire mansion is a testament to it. And so you lie there on your back and take it, getting fucked open by Beomgyu, his beat up face not taking away from his beauty. If anything, his bruised and bloody visage contrasts with the backdrop of the elaborate and extravagant ceiling above him and serves to drive home the lengths he’s willing to go–the ugliness and horror he’s willing to let come pass so he can have you, so he can steal you away and keep you as a good, pliant fucktoy for the prince who had always been greedy for more than his fair share. 

“Maybe I should thank the fool for getting you back to me.” He murmurs, making your eyes jump from the glittering chandelier above him to his sparkling eyes that cannot be dimmed even by the blackness around them, that have only been put off once by death itself before he revolted against it and came back for you. “Getting you to remember us.” 

You frown. You know what he means. You were together before Taehyun came into the picture but not fully, not the way he wanted you to be. But now he's slowly getting back the you he's always been chasing, the you he may have only reunited with a few times over centuries. You understand that. Still that doesn't mean he can disparage Taehyun, and it doesn’t mean that you want to be reminded of him. 

“Don't speak of him.” You don't want to hear it. You're here, aren't you? He won and you’re here. He should just let you forget what that has meant for you. 

He smiles, more than happy to not speak another word of Taehyun ever again, and rewards you by bending down to kiss you as he fucks his cock ruthlessly in and out of you, fully devoted to helping you forget. 

“Fuck, I really missed you.” He groans against your lips before pulling back so he can feast his eyes on you. “Now that I have you back I don't think I can give you a break until I show you just how much I missed you. Gotta make up for all our lost time.” He drills his cock faster and harder into you, the wet sounds of flesh meeting flesh ringing around the room so loudly you're worried that all other occupants of the house can also hear it. “Not gonna rest until all your holes are filled to the brim with my cum and you remember just how much I love you.” 

“Gyu…” You whine at his loud promises, fearing the rest of the household is hearing his filth. “Keep it down.”

He laughs, fucking you harder. “Why should I? Everyone here knows who you belong to. They know their master will be fucking his princess every night. Every day. They may as well get used to it now because I don’t intend on hiding any of it.”

“What?” Your cheeks flush bright, surely he is not suggesting what you think he’s suggesting. 

“This isn't our old palace, princess. I don't have to hide what is mine anymore and I expect you not to either. And if that means they can hear or even see me claiming what is mine then so be it. It’s what I always wished I could do anyway.” 

Yes, you know that very well–images of Prince Beomgyu’s attempts at inappropriate touches in public flitting through your brain. You shake your head, whining. “Not hiding, just common decency…” 

“Fuck that. Gonna show the whole universe who this pussy belongs to.” He growls, and you feel one of his hands move between your bodies to reach your pussy, his fingers easily rubbing your soaked lips and making your thighs tense up. 

“Beomgyu!” You cry at the sudden spike in pleasure, your pussy clenching around him when you get no escape from it, his hips incessantly thrusting against yours and barreling you towards what you know will be a blinding orgasm. “It’s too much.” 

He shakes his head, fingers going faster. “Not enough. Never enough. Now cum for me, princess. Make a mess on my cock.” 

As if you could have stopped it even if you wanted to. Your orgasm causes your whole body to seize up–your thighs crash around his thin waist, your pussy spasming on his twitching cock, your nails digging down into the flesh of his back as you throw your head back and cry out loudly, the irony of you asking for decency not lost on your grinning lover. 

“That’s it. Good girl. Now take it. Take all of me.” He grunts, spending himself inside you, the first of the many times he promised you he would. The first of your lifetime together. “I love you. I love you so much.” 

In the heat of it all, it takes you a second to respond, a second too long for Beomgyu’s liking, and he grabs your face and makes you lock eyes with him. “I love you.” He repeats, continuing to fuck his cum into you as he waits for your response. 

“I-I love you too.” You gasp out, your nails digging even deeper into his skin, begging him to give you a break, the overstimulation ruthlessly gripping your own flesh. “I love you. Please.” 

He finally slows down. It takes him a minute to completely stop, and you can see that he didn’t really want to but he does iit for you. “Did you miss me?” He asks, doubt and insecurity plaguing his swollen features, silently asking you to put his troubled soul at ease. He may be a cruel and calculating being sent back to punish you for your sins, but underneath it all he’s still your lovesick boy, your prince whose soul yearns for yours, and it would be the cruelest thing of all to deny him that one thing that keeps him from perishing.  

You nod, reaching out weakly to play with his hair, your muscles cut down by fatigue then completely turned to mush by pleasure. “Yes, I did. I missed you even when I didn’t know who I was missing.” 

He smiles gently at that, letting out a small breath of relief that conveys all his vulnerability before bending down to give you a sweet peck on the lips. “I’m right here. I promise to keep reminding you..” 

You don’t know if he’s promising this to himself or to you, but it leads your mind to troubling questions. 

“Are they going to let us stay together?” You frown, suddenly apprehensive at the thought of those cruel gods he’d spoken of. Now that you have him–now that you know exactly what you’ve been missing, it petrifies you to have him ripped away from you again so soon. If you must be damned to be with him, then let you be with him, damn it!

“For this lifetime, maybe.” He answers hoarsely, uncertainly. “Every time you choose me, we're doomed further. They're just letting us rack up the debt.” 

“Choose? Do I ever have a choice?” Your question is innocent, your mind too scrambled to come up with an intentional attack, yet Beomgyu still perceives it as such. 

“Of course you do. You always do. If you reject me enough times, you condemn me to a hell like no other, to being cut away from you forever.” He answers defensively, needing you to know that you’re not blameless in any of this, and you know you’re not because your heart spasms painfully at the thought of being forever severed from him the same way an artery spasms around itself to keep from bleeding out. “If I force you then it's the same. You have to choose me yourself. That's the only way we can be together.”

A sick feeling of realization hits you. You suddenly get it–why he let himself get beat up by Taehyun. He had to wait for you to choose him. If he had just killed Taehyun and took you away, it would’ve tallied up against him. He had to let you doom yourself. Even if all you’ve done to earn damnation is to hesitate when Taehyun asked you to run away. Even if you did it to save Taehyun, it didn’t matter. You choosing him will always be your sin.

He's right. These gods really are wicked and unjust.  

“Do I choose you every time?” You ask in a small, shaky voice and he frowns, your question prompting what must be disturbing memories to spring to his mind. “Not always but most of the time.”

“What happens when I don't? Do you let me?” You hold your breath, anticipating his response. Does he let you be? Does he force you? Does he hurt you? Is every time you choose him similar to this time and your first life? Could you be pardoned by pleading that you’ve been forced into it or is the sheer amount of times you chose him enough to prove your wickedness beyond a shadow of doubt?

“Why are you asking about that now? You chose me in this lifetime. The rest doesn’t matter.” He brushes you off, goosebumps prickling your skin at his diversion. In his nonanswer lies the truth. No, he doesn’t let you. He doesn’t accept defeat. He never did and never will. 

“Doesn’t that bother you, what they’re doing to us? Forcing us into this cycle over and over again?” You push tentatively. “Don't you want to be free?” 

If you stop choosing each other, will you break this infernal cycle? 

“From you? Never.” He tells you with all the certainty and conviction a man can hold, forehead pressed against yours, your breaths intermingling as if your souls are greeting each other. “Darling, if they give me the choice between heaven and you, I would choose you every time. My existence is meaningless without you, salvation is nothing to me if I can't be with you. I would go through this hell again and again just to spend these precious few moments with you. Let me suffer alone for lifetimes if it means I get even one day like this to feel your love once more.”

Your heart swells, different emotions warring inside of it–eternal love for him, happiness that he is so devoted to you that even death can’t keep you apart, anger that he won’t grant you salvation, hate for everything he’s put you through, horror that you will never escape, soul deep fatigue at the weight of it all–but you can’t even begin to untangle them from each other because he doesn’t let you. This is your reunion and he won’t let it be ruined by your doubts. 

Instead, he flips you over, pushing you onto your tummy and pulling your ass up, the sound of him jerking his drenched cock to hardness the only thing you can hear over the ringing in your ears before you feel it breaching your pussy to fill you up again. He lays himself over you, his hips immediately go to work fucking you, making use of every moment he has stolen with you. 

“Gyu…” You whine, mind too fried to care much about the way you’re drooling over the expensive sheets. “Too fast.” 

“I’m sorry, princess. Just wanna make up for all the lost time. I promise I’ll be gentler later, will take care of you so well.” He babbles, the strain of the pleasure he’s getting from your tight walls evident in his voice. “Promise. Just be good for me tonight. Okay?”

You get it–his desperation, his insatiability. This is one of the only few times in his long, lonely existence when he gets to be with you and have you fully in this way–his princess brought back from the unfathomable and untraversable void of death and lost memories for him. And you can’t find it in you to deprive him of you right now. You’ll think about it later. You’ll worry about what this means for your soul’s eternal damnation tomorrow, but for tonight, you’ll let him have you. You’ll let your rotten souls rejoice in the company of their other half. 

“Okay.” You mumble dumbly, letting him take you like a bitch as tears of overstimulation line your lashes and your fingers clutch tightly onto the sheets. You can’t even pretend that it doesn’t feel good, every thrust of his hips, every touch of his hands, every filthy word he says, every load he release inside you–it all shifts and molds you into the wretched lover he’s been searching for, the walls you’ve built up to contain her getting torn down with every position he takes you in until you lay limp with no fight left in you and it’s revealed that there is no one behind those walls. There never was. She was always you. 

When he’s finally has his fill, and you’re more dirty and ruined than you ever were before the bath, he lays down next to you and takes you in his arms–his tight embrace suffocating and hot after what he just put your body through but he doesn’t care. You don’t care. You’re with each other, and that’s how your story always ends and begins. You've been here many times before and you'll be here for many more to come. 

You are at the edge of sleep, almost falling over, when you hear a small sniffle and feel him shake ever so slightly under you. You look up to see his teary eyes and you lift your hand to his face to brush those very costly droplets away. “Why are you crying, baby?”

“I'm just so happy. I missed you so much.” He whimpers, his hold on your getting even tighter. “I love you.”

You know. You couldn’t have understood it so fully before but now that you know a fraction of what he went through to get here, you know that his love is not a mere mortal love. It has defied fate itself and it will live on for eons to come. As long as you're on this earth, he'll stay here to find you, and when you leave, he'll follow you wherever you go, be it heaven or hell or the unfathomable unknown. As long as you're together, his wretched and weary soul can find its peace. 

“I missed you too. And I love you.” 

And I'm sorry it has come to this. I'm sorry I let our once precious love grow so gruesome and hideous that this twisted ending is our only version of happiness. 

_______________________________

A/N: aaaand that's the end of this portion of the story. let me know what you think of this ending. less death than usual lol.

would you rather get tyun's ending (mostly tyun focused) or continue the story from where this chapter leaves off (mostly gyu focused)? Or would you rather a new unrelated story entirely?

Here are some teasers for the two ideas

Tyun's ending:

“Where do we go from here?” You ask defeatedly and he narrows his eyes at you.

“What do you mean?”

“Well, you’re clearly angry at me. You don't trust me.” 

“Yeah, and?”

You frown too. How can he not see where the problem lies? “How are we going to stay together like this?”

“Are you thinking of leaving again?” Now he starts getting angry, vindictive, the wrath of the warlord in him cutting through the centuries. 

“No–”

“Because I won't let you. All your bullshit excuses are gone. there is no war. You can't pretend you're going back for the greater good.” His voice is mocking on the last part, and you feel your face heat up.

“It was not an excuse!" You sputter. You can't believe he's saying this to you. "It was real!” 

“You’re my wife. That's what's real and you should've stayed loyal.” He tells you unkindly, not interested in your explanations.

“So you want me to stay just out of principle even if you're just going to hate every second of being together?” It would be funny to see the way he has completely not changed even in this new life if it wasn't so painful.

“Maybe. But I certainly won't be made a fool of again and maybe it's high time you experience some consequences for your actions.”

Gyu's ending continuation:

“How could you do this? How could you be so stupid?” Beomgyu's response to you slipping out for the day seems like a wild overreaction. You know he insists on controlling every aspect of your life so you won't leave him again but going out to walk through the surrounding small village for a few hours could hardly have many consequences. Not when he apparently controls the whole village. 

“You’re overreacting.” You roll your eyes at him but that just makes him freak out more. 

“You don't know what you're risking. He could have found you! He could have taken you away from me!” 

“What are you talking about?” You push him off you. “How would he do that when you know exactly where he is at all times?”

You scoff at him but the scared look on his face makes you falter. “You've lost him, didn't you?”

He doesn't answer you, and you watch his face grow paler. “What is he going to do? You’re immortal.” 

“But I am not all powerful, and there are beings out there more wicked than me.” He tells you fearfully, reaching out to hold you once more. 

Unrelated fic idea:

“Fuck, this feels amazing.” He groans and turns to you, “Can I use him every day?” He asks you cheekily and you grin as you hump against Beomgyu harder. “I’m sure he wouldn’t mind. Look at him, he’s soaking my hand with precum.” 

You hear Beomgyu garbled moans around Soobin’s cock and you question him. “What’s wrong, baby? Is Binnie using his big cock right this time?” 

Beomgyu whines again and you laugh at him, but Soobin doesn’t find it so funny, not with his cock getting the full brunt of all of Beomgyu’s vocalizations. “Oh god, I’m close. Can I cum on his face?” 

You grin widely. “Of course, Binnie. I’m sure Gyu wants to help out his hyung any way he can. He’s so needy he’ll let you cover his pretty in cum because he knows that will earn him a reward. Isn’t that right, baby?”

Also you can send and ask for any of the characters and I’ll answer as the character

[rekino2114]

Hello! This is my first time requesting! I hope you write it later on! :D

 

How about the Chainsaw Man Girls Celebrating Their S/O Birthday? 

The chainsaw man girls celebrating your birthday

A/n:so this request was actually sent only a few days ago but I decided to anticipate it because today is actually my birthday and that's on theme. Thanks a lot to everyone who wished me happy birthday by the way

(I know today was supposed to be a drdt daturday but my birthday comes first)

Makima

Be prepared to have the best birthday anyone could possibly ask for, makima will literally do anything you want and make sure there isn't a moment where you aren't happy,from the moment you wake up to when you fall asleep together

She will give you the best cake money can buy, with your favorite flavors and decorate it however you want it to be (spoon feeding it to you, obviously)

As for the gifts she just brought you everything you expressed interest in during the year, from talking to her about how much you liked it to a simple glance in the shopping mall, she brought it. And don't even worry about how much it cost, she has enough money whatever it is

Makima never thought she'd truthfully celebrate a human's birthday let alone do this much, but you're the person who she loves more than anything, seeing you happy makes her heart swell with love she wants nothing but to celebrate the birth of the person who made her a human

"Happy birthday my love, I hope you get to spend another wonderful year of your life by my side, I love you so much"

Power

(I want you all to know I was this close to making a joke about "that scene," but I decided against it to avoid spoilers.....and also because every time I look at that panel I get the urge to stab makima 37 times in the chest)

She.....might have forgotten about it and only remembered when denji and aki mentioned it to her. In any other case she wouldn't care about a stupid human's birthday but since it was you she genuinely felt guilty.

Preparing your party was a group effort with her friends, she asked aki to bake you a cake and denji to put the decorations on while she.......she didn't really do that much, just kinda looked at them while they worked, which made the two guys mad at her

She didn't know what to get you (she said her presence was enough of a gift), but after being pressured by her friends, she just drew you a picture of you together and wrote you a letter with all of the love she felt for you written down

The drawing.....wasn't the best and her calligraphy was quite bad but you really appreciated the effort, you could tell she really loved you and wanted to express that.

"Happy birthday human! I'm happy you have survived another year to be with the great power......Hm....i-i love you, h-here's your gift...i-i put a lot of effort in it"

Himeno

She threw a straight-up party for you, inviting every one of your friends, including all members of division 4. You all had fun and laughed together, but she made sure the attention was all on you, it's your special day after all.

During the day she acts like there's nothing special going on, just being her normal self but not ignoring you so you don't get mad her but then in the evening she tells you makima assigned you two to a special mission but then she brought you to a bar where your party is being held before scooping you up in her arms and telling you happy birthday

She brought a classic cake and a gift she knew you wanted for a while (she might have also told everyone there to bring you a gift too) she also definitely sang happy birthday to you while everyone else (including you) was embarrassed

She tried not to get too drunk this time as she wanted to remember this amazing moment, and she actually succeeded. She spends all night near you being even more affectionate than usual and complimenting you every 5 seconds

"Happy birthday, babe! You thought I forgot, didn't you? Don't worry, I could never. I hope you enjoy the party cause it's just the beginning~"

Kobeni higashiyama

She was very ready for this day, she put a reminder on her calendar and prepared herself for it, she wanted to celebrate you and the fact that you loved her

She tried baking the cake herself, and it actually came out pretty good. She didn't know she could actually bake but she found out she was okay at it, that kinda raised her confidence just by a small bit though

She actually made you a handmade gift. Maybe she learned how to sew to make a shirt, or maybe she knit you a scarf, whatever you prefer, she specifically made it for you. The reasons why she chose to do this were 1:she didn't have enough money to buy you what she thought was a good enough gift, and 2: she wanted to show you how much you truly meant to her, she learned a new skill just for you.

She's just smiling the entire day, when you're eating the cake, when you open her gift and when you hug her telling her how much you loved it (she almost passed out from how much she blushed there)

"H-happy birthday y/n, i-I actually made you this, I hope you like it......oh y-you do? Thanks so much, i-i just wanted to do this, it's your special day after all"

Quanxi (and her harem)

They actually decided to throw you a surprise party with only the six of you, like himeno they tried to act like it wasn't a special day, quanxi was definitely the most successful at that as she doesn't show that much emotion in the first place, her girlfriends however had some issues....you saw them giggling to themselves and getting all nervous when your birthday was brought up

Quanxi took you out on a date while the fiends decorated your place and prepared the cake. When you got back, they all hid and jumped out, yelling surprise and laughing.

They each brought you a gift that they knew you'd like. Some of them brought it, and others handmade it. It's really sweet because they'll take turns giving you the gifts and making speeches about how much they love you while the other girls hype her up

They also each take turns kissing you and hugging you all resulting in a giant puddle of affection that make you feel so so loved and warm

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY!/HALLOWEEN!"

"I think I can speak for all of us when I say that the day you entered our lives was amazing, you made all of us feel even more loved than we already were, we cannot thank you enough, happy birthday y/n"

Asa mitaka

She was both excited and nervous for this day, excited because she got an opportunity to do something to show how much you truly changed her life and you meant to her but nervous because what would happen to your relationship if she did something you wouldn't like? Would you break up with her? These thoughts plague her mind often, but especially on occasions like this

In a surprising twist, it was actually yoru who helped her gain confidence, mentally slapping her (like actually slapping her in her mind) and telling her to stop whining because you'll definitely like what she did for you, it was pretty surprising for asa seeing the war devil actually being nice to her, but she thanked her and calmed down

She brought you a cake and something you told her you wanted but didn't have enough money to buy, she saved enough to buy it from doing part time jobs and other stuff only for you.

She also made a speech that she wrote down and studied the night before like it was a test. In that speech, she told you everything she ever wanted to tell you, how much she loves you, how just being near you makes her feel so much better, how you make all of the struggles in her life easier just by being there near her and how much she wants to spend the rest of her life with you.

"S-so did you like it? The party, the speech, everything,.....I just want to say....thank you, you make my life worth living, i-i truly love you"

Yoru

She doesn't fully understand the concept of birthdays. Why would a human want to celebrate the fact that they're one year closer to death? But this time she made an effort for you

She did threaten basically everyone who she needed something from, the bakery to get your cake and the store to get your gift, they should be thankful it was her partner's birthday and so she felt merciful and didn't kill anyone, she also forced asa to decorate her house but the girl doesn't mind that much since you're her friend

Other than the gift she stole brought for you, she also made you something herself, a shield shaped badge she made by turning a small thing into a shield with her powers, she told you to always wear it as it signified that she would always protect you

(I can't remember if she can actually make shield, I still consider them weapon so I feel like she could)

Even if she'd never admit it, seeing you happy over she did made her (asa's?) Heart flutter, she thought she only loved destruction and bloodshed before she met you but she found out she was wrong...she loved you too

"Hm? You like it? Oh thanks but it's nothing, I can literally make one whenever I want, oh... You're talking about the party, well you're welcome, I don't understand human customs but it's the least I could do for you, thanks I love you"

Fami

The moment she found out when your birthday was, she made a lot of reservations to every restaurant you like. You're getting a day full of eating, and you don't get a choice in it

You're having a literal feast for every meal of the day, whether it be at fancy restaurants or fast food or just something fami tried to make or ordered from take out places, all of it are all of your favorite foods that she shares with you, she had to stop herself multiple times from just devouring everything but seeing you enjoy the food was enough to make her happy

All of it culminated when she brought you home and gave you your cake. It was actually something she made, and it was pretty good. She wanted to make something special for you with her bare hands to show you her care. Even if she's not the best cook, the cake still tastes amazing to you cause you can taste all the love in it

This was probably the day you saw her smile the most. Just seeing you eating and looking at her, you looked so precious and amazing. She wants to see you like that more, the look of gratitude and love you give her feel more delicious than any food could ever be

" So what was the best food you ate today? Uh? My cake? It's really nothing special it was actually the first time I ever cooked something.....thank you. I'm glad you liked it, I love you Happy birthday"

[mikefrawley]

Okay Where's Mike...

and what have you done with him? Blushes angelically and sends love to all of his dear friends. I hope this perfect day finds each of you well. As for the rather interesting intro, I've recently realized that 2024, this far at least has easilly been one of the best years of my life. It's been at least 30 years or more since any other year has even come close. Many of you may remember my very positive be kind to you posts fom earler this year, and perhaps surprisingly these thoughts were actually the offspring of some pretty dark times. I practically slept through 2023 and was mostly depressed any time I was awake. I basically quit, but I'm guessing there must be something out there who listens to our sorrows and by some miracle actually has us spiritually grow through them. Beginning around December things finally got so painful that I had to do something or else! Finally in desperation I found a therapist and a psychiatrist who got me started. It wasn't easy or even fun, but I began with baby steps and while I fell down several times, I slowly began making progress. In the greatest case of irony I could ever think up, my wonderful year includes getting fired from my job of almost 21 years right after my birthday, and to be totally honest, it certainly did not feel even remotely like a good thing at the time. Anyway and thankfully, after a couple of weeks, slowly but surely things started working out. I really had not enjoyed my job for at least the past two years, and after accepting my retirement as a fact, I began enjoying it and even started tackling many challenges which I would never have had the courage to attempt before. I hope everyone out there is already aware of this truth, but if not, it's truly amazazing what we can do when it's a necessity, or when we set our minds and hearts to succeeding. Now as for my most interesting title, many of my past 20 plus years have not been terribly pleasant, and while I've no wish to complain at this moment, I have not been very positive very often over this period of time. It's so amazing to feel as happy and optimistic as I have over much of this year. Along with the fact that I actually leave my house on a regular basis, my friends are all very pleasantly surprised, and truthfully so am I. Aside from wanting to share a little gratitude, I'm also hoping this might be at least a small light for someone who is still seemingly hopelessly lost in their own darkness. Please believe me, if I can finally do this at the age of 66, you most certainly can! Love to all, Mike 💕

[vespertiliosworld]

Shivani

Damian Wayne x Reader

Next chapter

Previous Chapter

English is not my first language, please forgive me if there is any mistake.

When the whole city almost turned into a bloodbath, you were tired and could barely stand. Your sword was now worn out, as were your costume and boots. The city was in pieces, you wanted to whine because of the headache you felt and your aching shoulders, but you couldn't react in the presence of so many heroes.

Void had escaped, you couldn't catch him, but he didn't get what he wanted either. You grabbed your shoulder and squeezed to relieve the pain, but it didn't do anything. As your eyes wandered into the sky, you noticed that the sun was far from where it was before. Damn it! When they couldn't see you in the dormitory, you thought about the punishments you would receive. You took your sword and put it on your waist, uttering a short curse.

He blinked and gulped when he noticed Wonder Woman staring at you. You slowly approached her and stood in front of her. "Hello ma'am, I'm Shivani. It was great fighting side by side with you today."

Wonder Woman smiled and put a hand on your shoulder. "It was nice fighting with you too kid, you look familiar to me." This made your heart race, you knew the twinkle of admiration in your eyes.

"Actually, you worked with my mother, she was your sidekick ." When you talked about your mother, your voice became hoarse, leaving a seed of bitterness inside you. "That's Lady Spike." you said, your voice trembling with sadness.

A sadness also settled in Wonder Woman's eyes. "I'm sorry about your mother, little one. Congratulations on following in her footsteps and doing the right thing, she would be proud of you if she were here." His words put her at ease. Your mother always talked about how she was a kind woman and cared about everyone.

"I have to go now, please be my mentor in the future." Then you quickly rose into the sky and started flying. When you landed in the garden of your dormitory, you secretly deactivated the heirloom that gave you your powers in the shadows and returned to your civilian self.

Damian, who had already stuck a tracking device on you, just watched you from afar. He couldn't trust you, he couldn't trust a girl like you who appeared out of nowhere.

As you entered the orphanage, you tried to sneak in without attracting attention. When you succeeded in this, you were put in the same room with other orphan children. As you laid down on your bed, your eyes looked at the ceiling.

When your eyes slowly closed and you opened your eyes to a new day, you got up and started getting ready. You went to an average middle school, the only difference from an ordinary life was that you were a hero. But you were quite happy with it.

When you entered the classroom, everything was ordinary, you sat at your desk and opened your books as always. You had no one to talk to because your friend was in another class. You could only talk during breaks. With that, your classic day is over. It was always depressing inside the orphanage, but today there was a different depressing atmosphere. The moment you walked in, people's eyes stared at you, you felt weird because you weren't used to these stares. Maybe you were supposed to feel really weird.

"The director of the orphanage is calling you." When you hear someone calling out to you, he doesn't seem familiar. You obviously didn't know this person, but he knew you and the jealousy in his tone indicated that he didn't like you.

"Oh, I'll be going then." There was surprise in your voice, you left that person behind and quickly walked towards the principal's office. You thought he would notice your absence yesterday and get angry. Maybe he would starve you for a week or take you to a dark room.

When a lot of bad scenarios came to your mind, you knocked on the door in fear. You walked in with the manager who told you to come. A familiar looking woman was sitting in front of the principal. You walked in and looked towards the principal. "You wanted me?" you said hesitantly.

The woman looked at you and smiled. “Hello, Y/N?” she said, her tone affectionate.

The principal of the orphanage looked at you with a strange smile. "Welcome, dear. This lady wants to be your foster parent." Now you understood, the orphanage principal was a guy who was nice to you around people but was normally rude and dishonorable.

You fake smiled and sat on the empty chair. "I'd be happy about that." Leaving this ridiculous orphanage was something you wanted more than anything.

The woman looked at you and extended her hand. “I'm Diana Prince, nice to meet you Y/N.” She seemed like a good woman.

Today your life is change.

[cloudbride]

SPARKS FLY pt4

Pairing: CharlesLeclerc x singer!Reader last part !!!!

pt3 enjoy!

View all 5430 comments 

@/user00 : Seriously, this race is supposed to be about the drivers and their skill. If I wanted to see a popstar, I'd go to a concert😒

@/user0001: it's ridiculous that the media is focusing on [Y/N] instead of the actual race. She should just stay in her lane - music - and leave the sport alone.

@/ynfanff:[Y/N]'s friend taytay is here too? OMG, I don't blame her. charles has serious game lol

@/yntsloverr: OMG, I can't wait for the album.😭

-@/tsfn13: IKR imagine the love songs ahhh❤️❤️

@/randomuser : charels is suddenly preforming so much better on the track 🤣🤣

-@/ussser23: he wants to impress y/n its cute lol

———————————————————————————

pierregasly : can’t wait to hear the ones you wrote about me

Y/N13: @/pierregasly i do think about you a lot haha!

scuderiaferrari: ❤️❤️❤️

user2828272: Y/N WTF A SURPRISE RELEASE!!!!

charles_leclerc : so proud of you my love😘

Y/N13:@/charles_leclerc 🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍🤍

JF: Your new album 'Midnights' is  released and every song on it is incredible. But, I'm curious, why 'Labyrinth' ? What makes that song so special?"

Y/N:  Well, Jimmy, the track 'Labyrinth' was not actually included when I first finished my album. But I fought for it to be because I felt like it really fit the theme and  I Just NEEDED to have it on the album. My inspiration for it definitely came from a certain someone who knows exactly who he is.*smirks*

JF: "So, that 'certain someone' you mentioned earlier... is that someone Charles Leclerc by any chance? I know that your fans have been shipping the two of you for a while now, and I'm just curious if there's any truth to the rumors. It feels like your new album 'Midnights' is full of songs about him, and your latest single 'Labyrinth' is a great example.

Y/N:  I appreciate your interest in my music, and I'm glad that my fans have been so perceptive in picking up on the themes and inspiration behind my work. 'Midnights' is an album that draws heavily from my personal experiences and the people around me, and I am thankful to have been able to put those experiences into my songs. At the end of the day, music is supposed to be about love and expression, and I'm happy to have succeeded in that with this album.

JF: Y/N, I know that you and Taylor Swift attended the F1 Vegas GP together. What was it like to be at the race and see all of the action from trackside? It seems like you two had a blast together on social media.

Y/N: It was incredible to be at the F1 Vegas GP with Taylor. The atmosphere was electric and it was so exciting to see all the action from trackside. Taylor and I had so much fun together and we couldn't stop talking about the race and how awesome it was. We also got a chance to meet with some of the drivers and chat with them which was a special moment for both of us and I'm so glad I had Taylor there to share it with me.

JF : Well Y/N it’s been a pleasure having you here , everyone make sure you check out midnights by y/n thank you and goodbye.

Thank you so much for reading and all the love 🤍

[gorgeouslypink]

Hello, my lovely followers. I know a lot of you are "states" girls or hard-core followers of Neville and if you are, please skip this post. Love you guys still though <3

Okay so for my girls who are left, I wanted to share a few things that helped me in my void journey that I think can help you.

1. Using the Law in a Way that You Actually Believe Works for You:

One of my friends (@junkyutueme) opened up to me about a lot of their struggles and how they were kind of having a very toxic mindset trying to force themselves to occupy the state of someone who already enters the void and we talked about it and then we discovered that they didn't really believe in states and I advised them to just manifest in a way they actually believe so which is something that sometimes seems "wrong" on loa tumblr.

I've been in the void community for a long time and so exposure to the loa community is inevitable and I've seen it go through so many trends. I remember the days when SATs was THAT thing, yk? Like people would not stop talking about STATs and there were so many success stories. Then, there was a slight shift to Joseph Murphy and how his ideas aligned with Neville and that was a thing and people were succeeding everywhere. Then, we got affirm and persist. Like I know we all remember the 10k challenge. Now, we're on states. I remember the community being obsessed with Sammy Ingram, then went to Electrasoul, now we're on Edward Art.

I'm not saying these methods don't work. They do. They literally become trends because people succeed with them. The problem is that sometimes the loa community thinks that the trend is the only way to manifest. It is not. So are we going to go and tell all those success stories who just affirmed like a robot for the void that they manifested wrong? What about everyone who just used subliminals and got in?

What you assume to be true is true.

If you really don't understand how a method could work or you're trying to do a method but have doubts, it's not going to work. All you're doing is wasting your time.

This isn't to say the law is a waste of time. Please take advantage of the law 😭 It is so real and so powerful and you cannot see all these picture results with subliminals and so many celebrities talking about it and not realize this. I swear almost every successful person has manifested their success, like it's so weird to me when I'm randomnly watching a youtuber or celebrity interview and they reveal a manifestation method that worked for them and they don't even realize that they were manifesting.

But the problem arises when you enter a community that thinks manifesting is whatever is trending at the moment and maybe you're lucky and the trend is compatible with you. But if it's not, you're just wasting your time.

Take some time to read Neville. Personally I like Joseph Dispenza more because I'm a bit more logical. Please remember that these 2 dudes are also not gods or anything, don't adopt their limiting beliefs, just read to understand how they view the law and what works for them. Then, think about yourself. What is a way you have manifested before? If you don't have a way, think about all the methods and explanations and what acctually makes sense to you and do that and only that.

I always stress compatibility on my blog and that applies to the law and manifesting as well. Manifesting in a way compatible to you will guarantee your results, I promise.

2. EFT Tapping

I've talked about this before, I feel like it was a micro trend and then died out but EFT tapping is so powerful and I swear anyone who has acctually tried it will back me up on this.

I use EFT tapping a lot when I'm feeling sad. I'm going to go on a bit of a tangent here but I feel like a lot of people think that once you can enter your void, you're just going to be happy forever. The thing is you're still human and you still have feelings. I didn't revise my past or wipe my memory of it and I went through a lot of trauma which is something that I'm dealing with now and EFT has honestly helped me a lot when I'm feeling down and can't pinpoint why or when I'm feeling overwhelmed.

But going back on track, here is a great EFT track I recommend to help you manifest entering the void:

3. This is just a subliminal that I recommend everyone to add to their playlist. I recommend listening to 30 minutes but just listen how much ever you want to:

If you're in or were in the subliminal community, you know this subliminal but for those who aren't, back when I was in the subliminal community and hadn't entered the void, this subliminal blew up and everyone was getting such great results. I was someone who got a few results but I never really got my main ones including when I used void subliminals but I still tried this and I swear my days improved a lot. So I definetly recommend adding this to your playlist.

You've got this and I truly believe in you 💗

[every1sno1fangirl]

Happy Hifuumo Friday everyone!

As much as my time has been consumed no-lifing Library of Ruina, I have in fact still been going out and doing things now that I'm not sick.

Last week, I went to a party.

It was for Bastille Day. It was mostly an excuse to catch up with old family friends and get drunk, and boy was that a fantastic excuse!

I had a really good time too seeing people I hadn't in a long time. It was a little awkward as a result, but I did my best to ignore it.

I like to think I succeeded; It remains to be seen completely however. There was actually someone there who I've had a rather frosty relationship with for quite some time; I think we've started to thaw though, which is good!

It got me thinking about my in-person personal relationships quite a bit though. Namely, the fact that I don't really have them. It's for a lot of different reasons but I guess it ultimately amounts to not knowing how.

I think I'd like to change that.

It'd give me more reasons to get out of the house, even if my walks and trips just for these pictures are still quite fun. I feel like it'd be a good idea.

Work starts up for me in mid-August. Maybe I'll work out a budget and try to make friends at a bowling rink?

It's something I've had fun playing, but I've only really been able to on rare occasions. I'm sure I can try and figure something out; I might also see if there's any TTRPG groups in town who play games I like.

Though it might be worth it to just try and make more of an effort to hang out with the people I already know...

I'll figure it out.

As always, I love you all, have a good day/night!

[bethanydelleman]

I'm listening to Emma as my falling-asleep audiobook right now and I'm thinking a lot about Harriet. The movie adaptations very often have her remaining friends with Emma after the end, but the book says their relationship sank into mere acquaintances after that. Is that a personality thing, do you think, or is it a class thing? And why the difference in the adaptations? I have my own thoughts but I'd like to hear yours.

It is definitely a class thing.

I think one of the reasons Emma can be unpalatable to modern audiences is because it ends with a restoration of a social order that we find repulsive today. How is it fair that Jane Fairfax, born as lower gentry, gets to marry into Enscombe but Harriet Smith, the natural daughter of a tradesman, 'deserves' only Robert Martin and is basically ejected from membership in Highbury's gentry class? And that's a good thing? The adaptations maintain the Emma and Harriet friendship because the way the book ends really appalls a lot of modern readers.

(Also, never really talking about the age difference between Emma and Knightley was a great choice in Emma 2020 because that is not people's favourite either.)

I think the most charitable way to look at it is that Harriet always wanted Robert Martin. She loved staying there over the summer, the family was extremely kind and loving towards her, and her status as a natural child would be largely ignored. Emma's interference gave her ideas above her station... ug, veering into territory I don't love again... but then again, could Harriet have ever succeeded at marrying into the gentry? Probably not on Emma's sponsorship.

There are only two characters that a member of the gentry tries to move from "middle class" (I know it's not really the middle class) to gentry, George Wickham and Harriet Smith. Both attempts are disasters. Captain Wentworth, Fanny/William Price, and Jane Fairfax are all born into the lower gentry and they climb higher, which seems to be fine. There are a bunch of characters who go from extremely wealthy trade to gentry, the Jennings (Mrs. Jennings, Lady Middleton, and Charlotte Palmer) and the Bingleys. They seem to be fine, Charles Bingley at least is portrayed positively.

I don't know what the message is there. The Gardiners are presented as gentleman-like but have no apparent intentions of jumping class. Does that make them good? As someone raised in Canada whose worldview is rooted in The American Dream Lite, it's hard for me to appreciate the upholding of a classist system. Jane Austen herself was clinging to gentry status by her fingernails, so why does she write a novel that glorifies almost everyone staying exactly where birth placed them? Jane Fairfax can improve herself and be worthy of a rich marriage but not Harriet? I guess Harriet never improves herself much though, but she hasn't had the same opportunities as Jane F...

But then the very next novel, Persuasion, seems very anti-classist!

Something about hubris...

I actually feel sorry for Emma at the end of the book. She got a husband, sure, but she loses a friend. She has Mrs. Weston still, but she'll be busy with her baby, she loses Harriet, Jane Fairfax is gone (again), and she's still stuck in Highbury, which has become worse because Mrs. Elton is there now. She just remains as much trapped and limited as she was before...

Anyway, that is my long and rambling answer. I'm not very happy with the ending of Emma. If someone who does like it wants to defend, you are more than welcome.

(I do think there might be something to like, this is how the class system could work well if everyone actually did their jobs. Knightley is the perfect, model landlord. Cares for the poor, lives at his estate, involved in running it etc. Emma does her duty to the poor, everyone seems to do well under their United management)

[hauntedwitch04]

Bday memories

Modern!Azriel x reader

Words: about 1.7k words

Warnings: sad sad sad, selfharm mentioned, death thoughts, fluffy couple, a little bit of innuendos of smut

Author's note: Hi! So this is the first for my series of oneshot for my birthday. I changed my plan and I'll plan the Steve Harrington one in honor of a lovely human that is born that day.

P.s this oneshot contains really personal thought and happenings. I don't know if you all are confortable with what I have written, but I kinda needed to get this out of my system. Please if you feel what I felt get someone to help you. I'm always here to listen if someone what someone to talk with :) You are not alone, remember it loves

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Bday plan

For your birthday, you never wanted anything more than to spend it with the people you love most, without going anywhere or doing anything special, yet you never really succeeded because eventually everyone you cared about would leave, leaving you alone.

You wake up in your boyfriend's bed, next to Azriel who, however, is still asleep, so you stop and look at him as you reflect.

Today is your birthday.

Usually your birthday is one of your favorite days of the year, not so much for the presents, but for the excuse precisely to be able to spend time with those you love, for no real actual reason, but rather to celebrate having gone another full circle around the sun.

Yet this birthday you feel it is different.

Last year, not on the very day of your birthday, but a few days later you had met up with what at the time was your best friend, or at least you thought she was, to celebrate your birthday, your 18th birthday, but the celebration had not gone as you expected.

Before leaving, after giving you the gift and a notebook with all the memories of your adventures together imprinted on it, she had given you a letter to read later, saying not to read it right away so as "not to spoil the mood." Immediately you had become suspicious, but had not given much weight to her words, wanting to enjoy that day with her.

In the evening, looking back at the sad and not very personal gift she had given you and wondering if really eight years of friendship was worth just that one gift on such an important day, remembering the personal and special gift you had prepared for her eighteenth birthday, you read that fatal letter.

At first you thought it would be tear-jerking, loving and sweet, as is usually the case among friendships that work, but this time you were surprised.

In this one she accused you of having changed into someone she did not recognize, into someone she did not have the pleasure of having near her because she no longer respected her tastes, and you felt as if pierced in the beginning by those words, and then turned that pain into anger, which, however, with the passage of time became sadness again.

At that moment, like a sword ready to cut the thread that kept you bound to reality, you felt like a horrible person, unable to love and unable to have friends.

Ever since you were a little girl you have been abandoned by every person you find, after a while, as if they get tired of you, and decide that you are the problem, when your only concern is that the other person is well and happy, but this time it seemed different, at least until a while before, where you had begun to sense that your friend was changing, into something different, something strange, and that between the two of you things were no longer going very well, but you didn't think it would ever come to that.

You had certainly changed a bit, but you thought you had done so for the better, as you saw yourself as more confident and happier, while she did nothing but talk about herself and think only of herself, overshadowing you and leaving you no room to grow.

His words hurt you so much that for months you were at your lowest, depressed so much that every night you cried on your pillow before falling asleep asking Mother not to leave you alone.

If it hadn't been for your friends, you don't even know if you would have moved on, or if you would have stopped doing the biggest shit of all that you had ever done.

After weeks of being in pain, and feeling cornered by life, alone in the grip of its fury, you had tried to make your pain go away by causing yourself some more pain, this time physical pain, cutting your wrists, not so much as to bleed profusely but enough to leave deep scratches that ached for days on end.

Fortunately, your other friends seeing your state did not leave you alone and made sure you got back on track to face what would be the worst school year of your life: your senior year of high school.

They have led you to believe that after all maybe you are not such a horrible person and that if they have done all this for you, there must be some good in you, however somehow this whole experience has led you to reevaluate that day that since childhood you love so much, and almost to fear it.

Then when you started college a few months ago, you met the first guy who really made your heart flutter like it was the first time: Azriel, an older guy who is in one of your classes, though, and after sitting next to each other for a couple of classes, he had asked you out, and you without a second thought said yes.

Now you find yourself here in his bed, ready to celebrate your big day, after being together only a month and a bit. Every day you wonder how lucky you were to meet him, and how much fate loves you for making him fall in love with you.

He is the guy everyone dreams about: handsome, smart, sensitive, funny and last but not least an absolute god in bed, yet he chose you and this is not possible to understand somehow.

You didn't even realize he woke up, too lost in your thoughts, until you felt his lips on your hands, clutching his shirt while your face rested on the pillow.

"Good morning baby." He says in a hoarse voice, and you almost have to hold back not to groan at hearing it.

"Good morning." You answer, trying to recover.

"What were you thinking about, before I interrupted you?" He asks curiously, as he wraps his mighty arms around you. Outside his bedroom door you hear the first movements of the morning, with Cassian, one of his roommates, leaving to go for his jog along the river.

"Well I was thinking a little bit about last year and all the things that happened to me during the year." You confess, without shame, having already opened your heart fully on that subject to Azriel a while ago, explaining to him the reason for certain faded scars on your arm.

He immediately becomes serious as he pulls your face up with one hand, making sure that you are now looking into each other's eyes.

"Love, the past is in the past and can no longer hurt you because you abandoned it at the bottom of the sea, it can never surface again." He says softly, while with his thumb he caresses your cheek, and with his mouth he leaves a trail of kisses all along your jaw. "And even if those memories surface now and then you instead of taking them as bad and evil omens, you remember that they became the launching pad for being the amazing person you are today." He continues, before leaving a sweet kiss on your lips.

You cry a little bit, unable to contain your emotions, and so you let all the emotions you were reliving before come out of you with those tears. Once you have calmed down he looks at you, trying to figure out how you were and you smile at him, so he kisses you again and hugs you tighter than before if possible. You feel the warm palms of his hands on your back, while his chin rests on your head, as if trying to absorb you into his own body.

"Happy complenno my little one." He whispers at the end, after a few minutes of pure silence. You smile and thank him with your voice still hoarse from crying.

"I know I promised to give you only one present, but we both know I can never fail to spoil you." He finally confesses, chuckling.

"Azriel! You promised me! Now I feel guilty!" You say, looking up and laughing in turn.

"How can you feel guilty if someone decides to give you a birthday present!" He asks shocked. "Besides, I couldn't decide, they were all perfect, so I got them all."

"Couldn't you keep them for Christmas, too?" You say with an obvious manner.

"Even by Christmas I already have at least five. "He confesses again in a low voice.

"You're kidding I hope!"

"I've already told you that I have to spoil you, you're my little girl and if it were up to me I would cover you with gifts every day."

"Which is not very different from what you do." You respond by sticking your tongue out at him. He responds by kissing you passionately, and pushing your body under his.

"Maybe I should give you your first present already." He says in a low, gravelly voice to your ear, before leaving a series of wet, warm kisses down your neck. "Which I believe will be repeated again tonight."

"Oh really?" You say trying to reason again, even as you begin to feel pleasure slowly cloud your senses.

"A guy has to make sure his girlfriend is well satisfied, especially on her birthday." He says chuckling, before returning to leave purple marks on your snow-white neck.

Too engrossed in your sinful activity you do not realize that Cassian has returned from his jog, until he throws open the door to the room.

"Happy birthday little one, how is it to be 19 years old-oh fuck is it possible you two are worse than rabbits?" Cassian comments, covering his eyes and walking out, not before adding. "When will you learn to close the door?"

"When will you learn to knock instead?" Azriel comments in return, covering your body with his so his friend can't see you. "Or better yet, when will you learn to mind your own business?"

"When you learn to keep your hands to yourself Azzy." Cassian replies, now in the distance.

"Well then I'd say we'd better learn how to close the door first." You comment this time.

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[wool-f]

I'M QUITTING MY 9 - 5 TO FOLLOW MY DREAMS

Hello my beautiful internet friends,

Tagging onto my sentiment from last week regarding following your dreams with complete reckless abandon and vigour, I thought I would follow on with the obvious next step (for me anyway).

I am quitting my job without a real concrete plan or a backup option to follow my dreams.

If you enjoy your job and it's the dream career pathway for you, this blog post is not meant for you. By all means keep reading of course, but I'm reaching out to my fellow dreamers who have fallen into careers that are not their callings - the people who are dreaming of something else entirely.

If I'm being completely honest I don't hate my job. But I don't love it either. It's most certainly not what I thought I would be doing at 30, and truly not the career stepping stone I imaged it would be when I was first offered the role two and a half years ago.

I'm a local news reporter in Melbourne, working for one of (if not the most popular) newspaper in the city. Day to day is very mundane, there isn't all that much jazz with local news.

While I dreamt of being a writer and Melbourne's answer to Carrie Bradshaw or Andie Anderson, my current job couldn't be further from that (I do feel Andie's pain when she wants to write something that matters and her editor is so limiting!!!!)

So last week after writing my post about committing to yourself, I was journalling and came to a realisation. In order to commit to myself, I need to fully commit to my dreams and aspirations, and to do that, I really need to quit my job.

Now thinking pragmatically because let me be one hundred percent honest, we are in a cost of living crisis and I'm not going to cold quit my job without a little bit of savings and backing to myself - I won't be leaving immediately. I think we can all agree that kind of rash decision making is for rich people who have no stress factors in their lives apart from happiness.

What I plan to do is a little but more strategic than that.

I've given myself three months to build up as thick of a foundation as possible, to get all my figurative ducks in a row and to make myself a plan for the following time frame that will constitute me following my dreams and actually succeeding. I'm trying to put my best foot forward to achieve exactly what I want and not need to take a step back into something that I'm not passionate about.

Sometimes I think people really hesitate to do the things they really want to do, whether it be because of the stories we tell ourselves in our minds, the stories society tell us about success and what it means to be fulfilled, or just because we think our dreams are out of touch from reality.

I don't want to be that person anymore. I don't want to be held back by these invisible, non-existent barriers that only stop me from reaching my full potential in life and happiness.

I have been working very hard to change the stories I tell myself in my mind, and after an incident at my current workplace (not with me, but with my colleague and management), I understood that my time at the company is coming to a close and I need to move on to something bigger and better; on to something that just in general, is a better fit for me.

I know that being self-employed is not a lifestyle everyone can achieve or that everyone wants - but I think it is the lifestyle change I want for myself, at least for now.

I obviously will keep writing this blog as a way to track how I'm going and to continue the development of my own writing.

But for now - I'm going to quit my job and follow my dreams. I definitely think it's something everyone should consider doing at least once in their lives (obviously make sure you're not going to send yourself into homelessness please, this message is not for every single person in this moment of time, prepare yourself!!).

Let's be the generation of people who don't take no for an answer - the generation of people who make things happen for ourselves and find the joy that we desire from doing the things we love and turning them into a profitable way to live!

These are my thoughts for the week, I know I'll be back next week with something just as crazy I'm sure, but for now, all the love in the world to whoever has made it this far down.

Love always,

G xx

p.s please support my journey to self employment - follow me on my other platforms (they're all free) and engage with me <3

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[phoenix-is-the-hottest-thing]

Was Vita suddenly more interested in Seele than the others because she witnessed Seele saving her when they first met?

I don't know for sure! It could be that, or it could be because she read her mind and found her interesting. Remember, she's the narrator when they meet, so even if she was still physically very weak, she had omniscience to work with. She planted herself on their path to start following them around (engineered meet-cute??)

She does emphasize how cool Seele was, claiming she must have looked like an idiot but couldn't stop staring in awe, so it could be part regular physical attraction, doesn't have to be 100% deep psychological stuff.

THAT SAID...

My personal interpretation, especially based on their conversation in chapter 38, is that she likes Seele so much because Seele is set up as a paragon, someone who's unfailingly kind and determined to stay that way. Even in a battle to the death against someone who just annihilated an entire world, with her friends in it, she refuses to use her most destructive powers and gives Vita multiple chances to back down. That takes some balls ya know?

Further character analysis under the cut:

In that same ch38 conversation, Vita backhandedly tries to claim Seele must be sheltered to behave this way, that Seele must be secretly scared now that she's in REAL trouble, but she's firmly denied because Seele's determination is born of experience overcoming hardship. This unsettles Vita. Seele's faith that they can save this "hometown" after Vita has lost it over and over, unsettles Vita.

(We now know that she's actually lost her genuine "hometown", Phosphorus, EIGHT times to Sa's maniacal behavior. I'd even say Phosphorus and Salt Snow are quite similar in the innocence of their citizens, the peaceful atmosphere, the worship of a central religious figure, being threatened by Sa destroying it... and to make matters worse, it seems Hua's arc happens concurrently, so maybe Phosphorus is already in danger while Vita's in Salt Snow..! Man she's going through it.)

Vita lowered her eyes, not knowing whether to be nostalgic or uneasy. (...)

...No, in any case, she was not another "Vita". Her name is "Seele"…just like "Vita", not one syllable more, not one syllable less.

The uneasiness that was wrapped up in fate had nothing to do with the other person.

This bit makes me wonder whether Vita sees someone she once wanted to be in Seele. Failed to be. Would have liked to be. After all, she's not once succeeded in saving anyone, and unlike Seele, she's got quite the rotten personality after all— she admits it herself.

Hua: Why didn't you tell me about this before? Vita: Because I'm a bad, selfish woman. Hua: ? Vita: Hmm… Do you really want me to be more specific? I am… Vita: …I'm always trying to maximize my own interests, so I'm completely helpless when it comes to nice people like you and Seele.

Vita's claims that she's not nice, that she's a selfish villain and owns it, but she doesn't like it, and she's not completely sincere when she claims to be, either. At the end of chapter 39 she tells Seele she's irredeemable and won't even feel guilt because no one died this time, but that implies she does feel remorse for all the terrible hurt she's been in the middle of, yeah?

So, sure, she spends her time faking her personality and manipulating people, but she's not happy about it. One of the secret scenes in chapter 40 has her being extremely bothered by Marah telling her she's similar to Sa:

I hate repetitive work. Yes, the emphasis is on “repetitive”, not “work”.

Due to the nature of my work, the second I open my eyes, I have to be an outgoing, friendly girl who’s equally shrewd and oblivious.

As for why I need to act like that, who knows? Everyone just can’t resist that type of woman… Or, perhaps that kind of woman is disarming?

Being amiable means that we can get along well without any pressure, and the hint of shrewdness gives me a nice veil of mystery. As for being oblivious… Being oblivious makes a flawless person more adorable. Do you understand?

Undeniably, I’m really in my element at work with such a personality. But Marah said that I’m like “them”… The one from before. Haha… do we resemble each other though? Are those traits part of my nurture? Or, are they actually part of “our” nature? Among countless conversations, I tried to search for the answer to this question.

I listened to their complaints patiently, answered their questions sincerely, gave them hugs when they needed consolation, offered them gifts when they finally grew, and in the end, became their friend.

And that is what I hate the most!

I think she's seriously concerned about what she might do if left on her own. In chapter 41 she has this conversation with Hua:

Vita: What does tens of thousands of years of life feel like to you now? (...) Vita: Then… what if you are a hopeless villain? Vita: Think about it, since your meaning is irrelevant… if you plan to do something bad, no one can stop you? Hua: At one time it did seem possible. But not now. Vita: ..Because you have a "different" friend? Life is as long as you, and ability is as powerful as you? Hua: Heh… don't you know everything. Vita: …Yeah, I can imagine. Vita: (It's just… that doesn't suit me at all …… )

She's not asking for hypotheticals about how Sa could have gone better, she's talking about herself. Of course she doesn't say why it doesn't suit her, but I believe her self-perception as a bad person is pretty telling. How could someone like her find a suitable friend to hold her back?

(It's unclear when in the Salt Snow timeline this conversation happens besides that she already knows Seele and watched Senti fight at least once, but it's probably still before the final fight, her mood would change noticeably if she was finally freed and she's very withdrawn and bitter when Sa descends.

Also, earlier she notes that saying Sa's name too many times or doing things Sa doesn't like too much could alert her, so the telepathic link is probably still intact.

Just my guesses though.)

Vita obviously doesn't know many people with a lifespan comparable to hers, and while her power likely still varies with whatever Sa lets her have at this point, her manipulative side is a threat in its own right. Pretty difficult to find a friend who could overcome that and voluntarily stick around to boot!

Seele, though, with her unfailingly kind personality and sharp enough eye to see through Vita's lies? Especially once she's become a Herrscher? (Interestingly Vita calls Seele our Herrscher heh)

Seele is exactly this kind of impossibly good person she needs around to balance out her darkness.

At the end of chapter 39, Vita humbly calls Seele "my friend, if you'll allow me to call you that"— I think this conversation above, about Hua's friend who she can trust to keep her in line, is meant to echo that moment.

Additionally, I'm fairly certain the reason she stuck around to explain everything to Seele was the conversation she had with Red in one the secret scenes. Vita's initial reaction is to bear with people's hatred and keep living for herself, but Red tells her she still wants to talk to the little boy who started to hate her because it takes effort to become friends when you're strangers. Vita made an effort to make things right with Seele and be her friend, and even vowed to always support her no matter what. Vita is invested in Seele, enough to go against her first impulses to make things right.

But then she leaves to enjoy her freedom at the end of chapter 39— she wishes her a safe trip home. So is she not scared of being a bad person anymore? Nah, I don't think that's it. I think she just likes Seele too much to involve her in something terrible like say... herself.

See, it really is not suitable for her to have a friend to balance her out...

...she doesn't want to be a burden.

Plus she hardly accepts the little Vitas' affection to begin with, acting either coldly or insincerely with them, and the Vitas only have her. Seele has other friends, obligations and a home to return to already.

Bonus: The devs also had this to say about Vita's self perception:

Designer: Also a villain, but Vita doesn't feel so hateful.

Fanchuan: She is a pure dark color. You think she is evil, she doesn't think so. She is quite innocent at it.

An interesting thing to say about a self-admitted villain right? Her not being hateful is very noticeable, but saying Vita's evil is "innocent" and that she doesn't think she's evil seems to completely contradict what she's says about herself— like that she's a "bad and selfish woman".

There's a difference between thinking you're evil and thinking you're a bad person though.

Of course this talk isn't canon, just a Word of God, but think about it. She's a ruthless manipulator and she knows it, alright. Her acts and methods are quite problematic, she even looks down on people's struggles for their lives as boring and taunts them. Makes sense that people like Veliona see her as evil.

However, her intentions are innocent. Wanting to save Salt Snow or Phosphorus, wanting to spend time with friends, wanting to escape Sa's control, wanting to be free and happy, these are innocent desires.

In conclusion, Vita's a good girl at her core; she wants simple and good things, and she's concerned about doing bad things unimpeded. However, because of how she's lived her life, this girl is packaged with a rotten personality, and has no peer she's comfortable relying on.

Seele, however, is exactly the kind of person that could balance her out, and she's attracted to that goodness and determination, admiring how smart she is to see through Vita's lies and how kind she is to spare even Vita at her worst.

Also yeah, seems to think Seele's hot with a scythe.

The arc title being "Dance of Life and Death" suits Vita's struggles pretty well, doesn't it?

[chewyjellycable]

Pssst you should info dump on Langue

Anon wants me to talk about Langue??? 🥺🥺🥺 I must give credit to my dear friend Almond who put most of these thoughts in my brain since I'm gonna say a lot of things similar to what he'd say.

For once this post will focus on Langue and won't include things with Bredele since I think I've made enough posts about those two and their dynamic before.

Langue uses they/them and is okay with she/her being used on them- but use he, it, or any other type of pronouns and they're NOT going to be happy. (They prefer being called Ms. or Mx. in honorifics.)

They have incredibly low empathy. Despite being babied and doted on by their parents, it's very hard for them to show anything towards others even if they do like someone else. Their parents thankfully understand and do their best to raise them to their fullest potential.

Unfortunately this "full potential", "always try your best", and compliments on how smart Langue received growing up led to them having a bit of a gifted kid syndrome where they have to be the best or they're not worth anything at all. (Their parents weren't aware of this until it was far too late.) They go into things hoping to be the best, and if they're not, then there's no point in continuing that endeavor.

Making friends or companions is incredibly difficult due to all of their time being dedicated to bettering their skills- which their skills have led them to be great at arguing... a bit too good since they'll incidentally instigate those with the people they're trying to make friends with. Then again, why have friends that will distract you from your work?

Due to not knowing how to speak words that aren't combative or abrasive in some way, Langue is not at all good with kids. They're not good at family gatherings, either- often winding up wanting to control the conversation with the other adults or just take in the praise from family members.

They played Ace Attorney as a child and their parents watched court shows, which influenced Langue towards wanting to be one of those cool people they've seen in their games and shows. They succeeded!!

Though there's nothing wrong with the substances, any Cookie who winds up using anything that isn't a doctor's prescription medically or recreationally is judged very harshly by Langue. Then again, Langue judges everyone harshly for literally everything (this also includes Langue themself). The only exception to this is coffee, but only with cappuccinos since Langue drinks those on rare occasions. God forbid they become a hypocrite.

The amount of sensory issues they have is so bad that practically everything they need has to be prepared or made in a specific way. It's one of the reasons why they still live with their parents- since if they were to live on their own there'd be things that would be impossible for them to do- not that they'd dare admit that. They need specific fabric to wear, specific foods prepared in specific ways, and so on and so forth. Some think of this as them being snobby and spoiled, but in actuality, they wouldn't be able to function without those specifics.

Speaking of physical issues, Langue is very much blind without their glasses. They can only see vague blobs of what's around them without their glasses, not to mention the nausea and headaches that come from not wearing their glasses for long enough. Speaking of nausea- Langue has a VERY sensitive stomach.

They have very little control over their emotions. Even in court, it's very hard for them to remain in check. Thankfully their glasses help absorb some of that by taking in some of those emotions through enchantment (though it also winds up breaking a lot of the time from the abundance, it is capable of mending its own glass).

They used to eat paper as an incredibly young kid (their parents still have some of the books Langue ate out of and make jokes about how smart they became because of it).

The only food they'll eat without hesitation is from their parents or (on rare occasions) from Sandwich's shop. Sandwich is familiar with Langue and enjoys their company, though Langue does find her annoying and "too happy for working such a dreadful job".

Langue didn't believe in Ginger Claus/Eggnog until they literally had to defend him in court. They thought the offer was ridiculous until Eggnog himself walked into their office. (They're still conflicted on if the whole thing was Real or if their client was just one of those Mall Clauses seen around the holidays).

[wyked-ao3]

Writing Questionnaire 3

i was tagged a few weeks ago but I can't find it now. I had it mostly done in drafts 0_o (I forgot about it sorry) @thatuselesshuman tagged me as well

Short stories, novels, or poems?

Novel length fanfiction although I'm working on my first novel. Short stories are way harder for me as I have to many ideas to keep them short usually.

What genre do you prefer reading?

Basically, I’ll read anything interesting. Usually: mystery, fantasy, grimdark fantasy, dark fantasy, romance, horror, murder mysteries, historical, educational, western (I'm blaming @tragedycoded for that one as my parents couldn't get me hooked on the genre 0_o And @tragedycoded succeeded with DMLS )

(I don't have many genre's I won't give a chance)

What genre do you prefer writing?

I'm game for whatever ideas running amuck right now I'm working on a fantasy series that will probably end up labeled dark fantasy. My next project after the series will be historical fantasy just not sure which of these ideas I'm going for (3 different time periods but they will still have some form of magic in them)

Are you a planner or a write-as-I-go kind of person?

Combine the two but usually I have a general idea and let the characters have fun driving me insane.

What music do you listen to while writing?

Depends on the day some days that would be highly distracting others it's either old classic rock or folk music

Fave books/movies?

That's listed in my pinned intro and it's a long list and you can not make me pick.

Any current WIPs?

I'm currently writing the pirate king of deaths redemption book one if the pirate's cursed god series. For fanfiction I have several at different points and I'm posting three wip's that I'm working on as I post 0_o (bad idea but I'm adjusting to it)

If someone were to make a cartoon out of you, what would your standard outfit be?

Comfortable sweaters, jeans, combat boots and a pocket knife holding several books

Create a character description for yourself: ash blonde shoulder length hair, hazel eyes (blue, green,grey) pale skinned and freckled.

Do you like incorporating people you actually know into your writing?

Not particularly.

Are you kill-happy with characters?

not particularly, especially if you know them.

Coffee or tea while writing?

Water or sweet tea

Slow or fast writer?

Most people say fast but to me, I'm slow but that has to do with the fact that my brain moves quicker than I can type.

Where/who/what do you find inspiration from?

Anything and everything

If you were put into a fantasy world, what would you be?

Healer or cryptid in the library spotted by others once in a blue moon as I learn about the new world.

Most fave book cliche? Least fave book cliche?

Most fav: long list but enemies to lovers or psychopaths and golden retriever personality.

Least fav: cheating (I will usually stop reading right there) amnesia (not really my cup of tea) abortion or miscarriage (sensitive subject given some of my relatives histories) major character death (definitely need to be in a certain mindset for that) bullying (personal trauma there sometime I have to back away from a book for a while before trying again.)

Fave scenes to write?

Fluffy dialogue or arguing although bone chilling or traumatic memory flash backs are a blast to write

Most productive time of day for writing?

It depends – day for editing night for writing or that's how it usually works for me.

Reason for writing?

Creativity, I like the fact that other people can connect with the story. Also I have made a few friends via writing and I love that fact considering I have issues making friends usually. My friends might be online friend but they are still friends.

Np tags @the-golden-comet @gioiaalbanoart @aintgonnatakethis @lillybaaaka @adhdprincess @drchenquill +open tag

[boozles]

Battle of the Favourites

Challenge: Make a poll with five of your all time favorite characters, and then tag five people to do the same. See which character is everyone's favorite.

Thank you to @lilithfatale for the tag! I'm also gonna do my list a little different...

I'm tagging @poonmitpakdee @firstkanaphans @pharawee and anyone else who wants to take part!

Here's my reasonings for these five being my favourite good boys!

Karan, Cherry Magic (Thai) Karan is the ultimate green flag. He's so madly in love with his co-worker but for several years barely interacts with him because he doesn't want to make him uncomfortable. He does lots of little things every day to try and make Atchi's day go a little better, and never expects anything in return. He helps out his coworkers and never expects credit (much like Atchi does, too). And even when he does begin a friendship with Atchi, he still tries to ensure he isn't overstepping. When he admits his feelings, he removes himself from the situations so as to not make Atchi uncomfortable. Then, when he finally enters into a relationship with his love, he is the most doting, protective, and supportive partner ever. He is the goodest boy that ever lived (on my screen) and I miss him terribly.

Shin Ki Tae, Our Dating Sim This boy is the sweetest. His heart was broken for years because his high school friend never gave him the chance to respond to his feelings, and though he couldn't find him, he secretly supported him anonymously by reading his comics and encouraging him to become an illustrator. He did everything to try and make sure Lee Wan succeeded, but didn't expect anything in return. When he finally 'got' Lee Wan, he was so scared of losing him again, but not in a red flag way, and he showed his vulnerable side.

Gavreel, Gameboys Oh, this cheeky little rascal is my son and I love him so much. Okay, he's a wee bit of a pain in the butt when it comes to him pursuing Cai, but he isn't 'creepy' about it. Like, he literally saw Cai streaming games during covid and fell in love at first sight! He was a friend when Cai needed one, he was supportive and attentive. He helped Cai through his father's death, and gave him the strength to come out to his family. He was a good friend to Pearl, Achilles, and Terrence (even though Ter didn't deserve it), and he even took in Wes when he had no where to go (despite Wes literally trying to steal his boyfriend). He literally went broke because he felt guilty forcing poor tenants to pay their rent to him, and he did food runs during Covid for those who couldn't leave the house/hospital. He is just such a good boy and just LOOK at those curls.

Longtae, A Tale of 1000 Stars Everyone's favourite boy! He works hard in university so he can better his home village, he's friendly and accepting, and he has no problem helping out around the village whenever he's needed. He takes Tian under his wing and becomes such a good friend to him. When he learns Tian's secret about Torfun's death he doesn't out him, despite being hurt and mourning. When the whole village and Phupha turn against Tian, Longtae is the only one who actually gives Tian a chance to explain the situation. He gives it his all with the tea bag creations, and he just wants to make the world a better place.

Cher, A Boss and A Babe Cher is a gosh darn treasure and I will forever be confused at anyone who didn't like this series. Cher tries his hardest to live life to the full, and despite his whole village believing rumours and turning their backs on him, he still tried to be happy and would still try to help. He basically started to raise his deceased friend's little brother and did everything he possibly could to help him, even though he wasn't obligated to. He had his heart broken but stayed positive. When he found people being homophobic about his boss, he stood up to them. He pushed himself to work as hard as possible so he could be seen as worthy enough to date Gun (he was always worthy, but he wanted to prove himself to Gun's stupid mum). He supports his friends, treats them like family and would do anything for them.

[estbela]

pleaseeee elaborate on your robul marriage post bc i've been thinking about this concept all day....!!! i need a full length post 🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻🙏🏻

I'll try my best but I am terrible at explaining myself sometimes but I will for you anon!!! (and also because RoBul has been consuming my thoughts lately)

(Also this post is a mess and I probably got some info wrong i'm sorry)

First of all, before actually talking about RoBul I do need to mention the history behind the proposals!! So during the Middle Ages, you probably know that Bulgaria was an empire, twice! And At times, Wallachia & romanians(who were called vlachs at the time alongside probably othee ppl who were also called vlachs, which yes, makes it confusing to research.) were part of it. The guys who founded the second bulgarian empire (Asen & Peter) were also probably vlachs, so there was cooperation between the bulgarians & vlachs in the empire.

This was one of the reasonings for the union essentially, that bcs they worked together well in the past, they would also work well tovether now, and together be pretty strong. Bulgaria especially would have had a lot to gain through the union(it wasn't independent and had only recently gained some autonomy from the Ottoman Empire), which was the reason proposals mostly came from the bulgarian side.

Anyway yada yada yada all the proposals for the union were fruitless, because of a lot of factors, which could be basically summarised like this: Neighbouring countries didn't want this to happen, and both Bulgaria and Romania had different goals and plans, sometimes that contradicted eachoter.

But if somehow they had succeeded to unite, well, that's certainly an interesting scenario. And now I will mention the union of Moldavia & Wallachia, which would form Romania. You see, those two principalities weren't allowed to truly unite by the powers of Europe, but they had not said that the danubian principalities could not elect the same leader to form a personal union, which led to Romania.

During the reign of king Carol I, he had considered doing this, aka being elected by Bulgaria too, to form a union of this king, but this was strongly opposed by Russia & Austro-Hungary, so yeah. But if he had somehow done this & Austro-Hungary & Russia didn't like...attack...uhmm...Romano-Bulgaria (I GUESS???) immediately, I guess Robul would officially be married!! Let's say they unite in like the 1880s.

Which comes with a lot of questions, obviously, that I will gloss over and just focus on RoBul. Thing is, I think Ro & Bul have somewhat different opinions on marriage. I mean, I see Bul as being way more keen on the concept of marriage than Ro is, so like Ro isn't very into marriage I guess? I see him aa someone who really values his freedom and independence, and isn't very willing to tie himself down, thought he'll do it for someone he loves. And that someone is Bul in this scenario.

Honestly...I think at first it is alright. I think Ro would have more control thought, similar to Austro-Hungary in a way, since from what I read, it would have been a similar kind of union to this one. I think Bul would be fine with this tho, especially at the start. He trusts Ioan(my human name for Ro) and his judgement, and Ro would also seek his opinion on things. Ro is happy about having control on some stuff.

But they do clash, quite a lot. Their personalities and view on things and their friends are different. Serbia is Ro's friend...while him and Bulgaria often don't see eye to eye. Russia and Bulgaria as well...yeah. Ro does not like Ivan very much, and Tsvetan also has conflicted thoughts on him, but veers towards liking him.

And also!!! Unless Bulgaria somehow achieved independence, Romania qould go back to being a vassal. Which well, I doubt Ioan would be fond of that. Honestly, I cannot say if being an union would help Bul achieve independence sooner, but it is not that important I suppose.

Also the capital of such a state would probably be Bucharest, like how the capital of Austro-Hungary was Vienna.

And to continue, as time goes on, I do think all these factors, including the political and cultural differences do put on a strain on their relationship. I cannot say if they would even enter the Balkan Wars, but this would also be a reason for fighting between them. Romania tends towards being neutral and really thinking things through while Bulgaria does tend to act based on instict and feelings, so I can see them participating in the first balkan war, and when Bul does not get what was promised for him, I can see him wanting to start the second balkan war, while Ro is trying to stop him from doing so, because it would be pointless in his opinion (as he was less focused on Bul's goal to unite with Macedonia and more focused on Transylvania and Moldova, which was definitely something they argued about!)

But I think they do have good times, really. I mean, being together like when they were children (in the middle ages) is wonderful for both of them. I think they can be very sweet together, and being marriage would def appeal to them because of being almost always together.

And now I am gonna stop talking about alternate reality and focus on their relationship more(because I suck at alternate history). The thing is, as I already said, where Ioan thinks, Tsvetan feels. And I think they do appreciate eachoter for these qualities, but in the end when you have different opinions about a lpt of things it's very hard to be in a marriage, especially if this marriage holds the fate of a country. I think they'd try to pretend those problems aren' there, thought, until they eventually have to face them with no way to run away from them. Alrhough I see Tsve as more willing to talk about things, while Ioan wants to pretend nothing is wrong and is non-comfrontational unless he believes talking will help him.

So at the end, things are...bad. towards the first world war, their relationship is already standing on it's last leg, but WW1 in this reality is what kills it truly. They each become their own country, like Austro-Hungary, and just, not talk to eachoter for a long time.

Althought...there is another scenario, in which they unite in the communist era. So like, everything happens the way it did in actual history until the communist period, where somehow those 2 manage to unite. I guess they'd fight for different reasons then, as again Bul kinda likes Russia & Ro Does Not. They probably separate in the 90s.

Also in these scenarios RoBul 100% has a way more complicated weird relationship going on and they do make it other people's problem.