#I'm not 'completely' aplatonic either

[solidwater05]

I'm greyplatonic. I've been greyromantic, too. And I realized that being a grey aspec is lonely

I don't fit in with allos, so I go to aspec spaces, but I don't fit in with aspecs either. When the aro community in general talked about not having crushes, I felt left out as a greyro who had crushes. When the apl community in general talks about not loving their friends, I feel left out as a greyro who, very rarely, loves some of their friends.

So, I'm making this post for all aspecs who feel too aspec for the allos, and too allo for the aspecs. For aspecs who love too much for aspec communities, but not enough for allos.

For all aspecs who feel attraction. For aspecs whose attraction is abundant but weak, rare but very strong, and everything in between.

For all acespecs who have sex and arospecs who date and all other aspecs who engage in activities without attraction.

For all aspecs who worry that their attraction and existence inherently support oppressive social structures.

For all aspecs who have never seen someone else like them. For aspecs who feel invisible.

For aspecs who feel like they don't belong.

I'm making this post for all shades of grey aspecs, no matter how light or dark, to let them know that we belong.

[bloomshroomz]

Reworking the A/Grey/Allo/Orchid Attraction System

As it stands currently, the a-spectrum encompasses any identity involving little or no attraction. This includes all grey orientations by default. The allo spectrum is treated as less of a spectrum, but more of a term for people who aren’t a-spec or grey. I think that this ultimately ends up being confusing, and could use some reworking.

(Some people might be getting a little anxious about where I'm going with this, especially if you're greysexual/demisexual/etc, so I want to make it clear right away: This rework is not designed to invalidate or exclude you.)

I keep seeing the a-spec get stretched to encompass more and more experiences, such as meneromantic: a term for people who experience romantic attraction easily, but prefer not to act on it unless they think their crush will reciprocate… Which just describes how most alloromantic people approach their attraction.

This was described as an “aro-spec” orientation, and as an aromantic person, I feel like that misses the point of the spectrum completely. I admit, it is a pretty niche term, and isn’t the end of the world, but it’s a symptom of a larger problem.

It’s becoming clear, at least to me, that people are unsure how to draw the line between a-spec and allo, due to the subjectivity of what “little attraction” even is, to the point of both terms becoming less meaningful over time. I don’t even know where I’m supposed to fit among those terms myself, at least when it comes to sexual attraction. I’ve actually opted not to label my sexuality largely for that reason; it’s why I’m a neu aro.

So I wanted to take a shot at proposing a change. Not for the sake of excluding or assimilating, but for the sake of making attraction/orientations more easy to navigate and explore, especially for people who are questioning. I made an effort to make this rework as inclusive as possible, while also being much more clearly understood. If you experience attraction and identify as a-spec, don’t worry! The rework still includes you; it just includes you in terms which are easier to define.

A-spec

The a-spectrum, under the rework, includes any identity which is defined by zero attraction, as well as experiences adjacent to that. In other words, if a person experiences absolutely no sexual attraction, no romantic attraction, and/or no tertiary attraction, they are a-spec. This includes:

Asexual: Experiencing zero sexual attraction, or having an adjacent experience to this.

Aromantic: Experiencing zero romantic attraction, or having an adjacent experience to this.

Aplatonic: Experiencing zero platonic attraction, or having an adjacent experience to this.

Cupio: Experiencing zero (sexual/romantic/platonic/etc.) attraction, but desiring a relationship commonly associated with that attraction anyway. For example, desiring a sexual relationship as an asexual person.

Apothi: Experiencing zero (sexual/romantic/platonic/etc.) attraction, and feeling repulsed by relationships and/or activities associated with that attraction. For example, being asexual and sex-repulsed.

Icula: Experiencing zero (sexual/romantic/platonic/etc.) attraction, but being open to relationships/activities commonly associated with that attraction anyway. For example, being asexual and open to sex.

Etc.

“Experiences adjacent to that” refers to anyone who doesn’t necessarily experience zero attraction, but still:

Feels strongly represented by a-spec identities/experiences.

Strongly relates to a-spec identities/experiences.

Needs access to a-spec resources, communities, and support.

Finds it easy, useful, and/or helpful to identify as a-spec, especially as opposed to not identifying as a-spec.

Finds one’s attraction to be irrelevant to one’s life, either because it’s so vague or infrequent that it has no impact, because one has negative interest in acting on it, or because one’s attraction otherwise has no relevance.

Note that “experiencing little attraction” is not a qualifier on its own, because what’s “little” is entirely subjective, and can be incredibly difficult to define. Note that you do not have to check each bullet point in the list above to be a-spec; just one is enough.

Greysexuality, greyromanticism, etc. can be a-spec, but these identities are not a-spec by default. It depends on the individual, their own experiences, and how they define/feel about their own identity.

Grey-spec

The grey spectrum, under the rework, includes any identity which doesn’t fit neatly into an a-or-allo binary. This includes:

People who aren’t sure whether they’re a-spec or allo-spec.

People who resonate with both a-spec and allo-spec identities/experiences.

People who resonate with neither a-spec nor allo-spec identities/experiences.

People whose identities are in constant flux, and thus difficult or impossible to pinpoint as a-spec or allo-spec.

People who fit into the a-spec category, but feel like the a-spec category is still insufficient in some way.

People who fit into the allo-spec category, but feel like the allo-spec category is still insufficient in some way.

People who feel like they fit somewhere between “experiencing attraction” and “not experiencing attraction” in some way.

Anyone else who can’t or won’t fit themselves into an a-or-allo binary.

Greysexuality, greyromanticism, etc. can be a-spec and/or allo-spec, but these identities are not either by default. It depends on the individual, their own experiences, and how they define/feel about their own identity.

I think this is a much needed change, not just because this is easier to define than figuring out what “little attraction” means, but because grey-specs don’t always want to be pigeonholed into being a-spec by default. It is a grey area, after all.

Allo-spec

The allo spectrum, under the rework, includes any identity in which one experiences attraction, no matter how much or how little. This includes:

People who experience little attraction.

People who experience a moderate amount of attraction.

People who experience a lot of attraction.

I’ve decided to include all experiences of present attraction in this spectrum because it can be extremely hard (or impossible) to quantify how much attraction you experience in comparison to other people. If you experience attraction, it isn’t necessarily going to be clear whether you experience a lot or a little or something between. Including all present attraction under the allo-spec, no matter the amount, makes it much easier to define where you fall within these spectra.

Greysexuality, greyromanticism, etc. can be allo-spec, but these identities are not allo-spec by default. It depends on the individual, their own experiences, and how they define/feel about their own identity.

Orchid-spec

This is an additional spectrum for people who experience attraction, but do not want to act on that attraction. For example, an orchidsexual person experiences sexual attraction, but does not want to have sex under any circumstances.

I didn’t come up with this spectrum, but I’ve decided to include it here, because a person may feel that orchid-spec is the only spectrum that feels relevant to their experience, with a/grey/allo being completely irrelevant or inapplicable. Though, a person may resonate with orchid-spec in addition to other spectra, which is also valid!

Overlapping spectra

All spectra within this proposed system can overlap in some instances.

For example, if a person experiences attraction, but feels strongly represented by a-spec identities, they could be a combination of a-spec, grey-spec, and allo-spec. They might identify with one spectrum more than the others, but they would be included in all three.

As another example, a person may fall under all four spectra, because:

Their attraction is irrelevant to them, so they identify as a-spec.

They relate to both a-spec and allo-spec, so they identify as grey-spec.

They experience attraction, so they identify as allo-spec.

They don’t want to act on their attraction, so they identify as orchid-spec.

A person might also identify as both grey-spec and a-spec, but not allo-spec, because they don’t know whether they experience attraction or not, but they relate to a-spec identities and experiences.

Another person might fall under both allo-spec and grey-spec, but not a-spec, because they experience attraction, but feel that the allo-spec is insufficient to describe their identity, while also not resonating with the a-spec at all.

These are just a few examples of how spectra could possibly overlap. There are other ways that these spectra could be combined which have not been listed here.

And of course, it's up to you how you identify! I just wanted to propose a system which (hopefully) makes attraction easier to understand and navigate.

[i-am-lakuna]

[‼️TW: This post is not sexual content itself however it talks about asexuality and thus also discusses sex.‼️]

Before pride month ends I want to talk about Transformers characters that are on the aroace spectrum!!

I want to clarify that since Cybertonians don't reproduce sexually that makes them all asexual in cannon!

...However the fandom still has a lot of different interpretations and headcannons. Some of these include procreation while others are robots being sexual for the sake of "fun" rather than biology. I personally feel VERY uncomfortable with the idea of sexual reproduction in transformers but fandom is fandom and I am well aware of how it ignores the cannon so this list is made with that in mind.

As for the aromantic part of this post....

Sadly none of those are actually cannon since the creators haven't said anything about it and it's never said out loud in the media these characters are from HOWEVER I feel like most of these are very heavily implied. If you're confused about labels please look them up!

Sorry this post only contains three characters, I'm writing this literally last minute before going to the airport lol. I feel like there are maybe some more that I've missed so you're welcome to comment or reblog if you want to add to the list!

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Shockwave: aromantic, asexual, could be aplatonic in some continuities.

I HAD to start with him. Speaks for itself really, if you're in the fandom you're probably familiar with how little emotion Shockwave expresses in general. Sadly though most people either see him as a completely emotionless monster or make him the super ooc :( He has no interest in sex or romance and some versions of him do not care for platonic bonds either.

The fandom sadly does not understand this, I'm not completely against him being shipped with other characters I just wish it was written properly and with his sexual/romantic orientation in mind. I feel like there's some interesting queer platonic lab partner shipping potential here but again this fandom is terrible at not sexualising him for some reason.

He does show care for others in SOME continuities, in Cyberverse we see that he used to be friends with Wheeljack and possibly some other characters. He does have emotions, even in other shows/media, we see him get visibly angry in TFP and Earthspark. So just saying that he doesn't feel anything is a straight up lie. He follows logic although we do see him make non logical choices when influenced by emotions, it's rare but it has happened.

I'm planning to make more content about him and being aroace spec soon. I want to show people that just because you don't feel forms of attraction or love towards others doesn't mean you're completely heartless. And yes I know an extremely stereotypical evil robot probably isn't the best character to use to prove a point like this but I just need people to stop mischaracterising him.

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Shadowstriker: aromantic, asexual.

[most of this is refering to her in Cyberverse, thought I do mention IDW briefly]

What is it with clearly aroace female characters, usually villains, and being called masc lesbians? No offence to lesbians but please y'all let us have some representation. Sorry pooks she doesn't want a girl, she doesn't want anyone actually. Which doesn't mean she doesn't value friendship, just look at how she interacts with Soundwave and Lazerbeak! That's found family if I've ever seen it!

I think she's someone who struggles a lot with emotions and intimacy just in general, though we do actually see her emotions slipping through the "mask" more towards the end of the show, even being happy [thought it was quite bittersweet] and part of a group hug in the last episode. Well done her for actually accepting physical touch that isn't punching someone in the face! She's a very untrusting character who tends to assume the worst in everyone and is really aggressive for most of the show. She has absolutely no interest in romance or sex and is probably apothisexual/apothiromantic. But as previously stated I think platonic love is really important to her. She's the type of person who would kill for her found family, in fact considering she's a Decepticon she probably has.

She's one of those extremely interesting and emotionally complex characters and yet somehow she's always overlooked. I see people talking about wanting more well written female characters and HERE SHE IS! Honestly I'd recommend watching Cyberverse even if you're just doing it for her, it's worth it. I could write a whole essay all about her. Can y'all tell she's my favourite? Because she is.

As for shipping I do like the idea of her being in a queer platonic ship with Flamewar and Slipstream in the IDW comics they're in, though again, I don't think people know how to write qp relationships...

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TFP Soundwave: demiromantic, asexual.

This one is only specific to one continuity and that's Transformers Prime. Not saying other versions aren't on the spectrum, I have a quite couple headcannons, though I feel they might be a bit ooc/self indulgent so I'm not including them since I'm trying to keep this list as "likely to be cannon" as I can.

In the show he doesn't speak and doesn't really have a face so he doesn't really express himself a lot. Though he still definitely shows emotion, just, differently I guess? He is uninterested in sex, I think he could be in a romantic relationship but it would have to be someone he's already emotionally attached to. Platonic love is extremely important to him but specifically his cassettes, they're his family. Others however.... I feel like he doesn't really care for a lot of the characters in the show but then again he doesn't show emotions much so he could just be hiding it.

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[goodluckclove]

So apparently when I drink enough to start posing real questions (such as "what spec fiction author would be the most fun to party with"), my body reacts poorly and I end up with insomnia. I've been lying in bed for about four and a half hours just pondering before I realized I'm an adult and I can just change locations.

I'm in the living room now. Bob seems happy for the attention. And I'd like to share my central ponder of the night, centered around how much of a bummer it is that like most of the online queer centered spaces I've seen consist of rampant in-fighting.

Stay with me here. Seriously this is a long one I'm very tired.

I'm not coming from some nonsense centrist place of no conflict ever. I just feel like so much queer conversation I see is either vague blanket support, or a massive thread that somehow starts in the middle of an argument. And as someone who is not necessarily old, but definitely not active online, this is super isolating.

I think it's a really interesting anthropological concept that as queer culture develops it becomes more niche and simultaneously more vague. That's cool. The downside is that I am now the human embodiment of that Griffin Mcelroy meme about not knowing what something is and being too afraid to ask. And every time I see someone who is clearly super passionate about some queer take, I really want to ask why they think what they do or how they came to that conclusion, but holy shit that feels dangerous.

Like it's not an immediate invalidation to ask why. More modern queer identities are so varied there's a very good chance two people experiencing the same circumstances might have two radically different reasons and ways to get there. I am at the point where I no longer think anyone can speak for our collective queer experience unless they use the broadest of terms. I'm genuinely just grieving that we're immediately giving each other shit over variations instead of getting together and comparing notes.

Oh but Google is free - fuck off. Like straight up. That shit flies for the surface level information and it's crazy to me that more people don't acknowledge that. Google is free for people who think there's only one intersex variation. Google is free for people who really want to know if scissoring is real. At this point in society there are multiple generations of queer people (or people in general) with multiple senses of online validity. Someone who grew up in the 90s might trust a more traditional source for information rather than a google doc or Tumblr post or reddit thread or tiktok, and by that logic they aren't really going to be convinced by any Googling they do for a lot of new cultural shifts.

Like I was a teen with shit opinions. I was snarky about "transtrenders" who used neopronouns. Not online or to anyone - I wasn't a complete dipshit - but I definitely thought it. If I posted about it online I'd say all the regular arguments and the opposing side would say all their regular arguments and we'd block each other and accomplish nothing.

Which would be a massive shame because one of my shining qualities is my ability to admit when I'm wrong. There's a much better alternate reality in which I did post about how people who think you don't need dysphoria to be trans are cringe, and some kind trans person asked why I thought that. Because then I'd say something like because everyone wants to be trans that doesn't mean you're just allowed to say you are.

And then they'd probably be like yeah maybe you should talk to more people about this and consider where you're coming from, saving me like ten years of gatekeeping myself from my own identity.

Like I tried the Googling thing for something niche that I'm curious about. I learned about aplatonicism recently and was like huh. New info. But every post I see in the aplatonic tag is already angry about being aplatonic so I'm not about to take space with my own curiosity.

But after scrolling a Reddit thread I am more confused than ever. I don't know what a squish is, friends. I mean, I know the definition - but my brain doesn't think of human relationships like that. People were talking about having friends that they love but they don't have squish love or friend love, also aplatonic describes some autistic people, also also aplatonic is a word specifically used for aromantic people who don't want QPRs. I don't think any of this is wrong. I do think that it is so much information that it cancels out in my brain, and now I kind of just think aplatonic is a word that means things sometimes. And that's not what I want.

I'm being self indulgent because I don't think anyone is reading this far and I'm feeling relaxed because I took an Adderall earlier today and I feel like I can actually think for the first time in months. I want to ask some aplatonic people what they think "friend love" is supposed to be compared to what they feel for their friends, if they have them. If they don't have a need for friends, I am very curious to know what they think about the friend list function on virtually every social media website and game. Like this is not a bit. I've been awake in bed for almost five hours and it occurred to me that might be a bummer. Maybe some people use them out of convenience, but I think it would be interesting to meet a person who's so staunch in their philosophy that they just don't. I feel like there's probably a lot of aplatonic people who are like just straight up not online and don't even know that's their vibe.

I want to ask some loveless aros what they consider to be positive emotions or motivations in their lives. Like I'm so full of love for virtually anything that the concept of not having that emotion across the board makes me wonder if something else fills the space. Like do loveless aros love ideas? Do they love their hobbies? I don't think aromantics are sociopaths at all, I've just seen people who both say that loveless is reclaiming a slur and also defining a lack of love and I'd like to know more about both.

I saw a post on my feed about how anyone should be allowed to get gender affirming surgery even if they aren't trans. I don't disagree. That argument has honestly never occured to me and I really wish I could've asked why someone would want that. Because "a cis man might want a vagina" is valid, but doesn't fly in terms of actual logistics. You have to make so many appointments and wait for so long and answer so many questions. I'm aware my opinion on this is heavily biased by being Agender and actively ridding my body of as many secondary sexual characteristics as quickly as possible. I am not immune to the propaganda of my own identity. I would just like to have an in-depth conversation with a cis man that wants a vagina and ask why and also if they think it's worth the maintenance. Because, like, there IS maintenance.

I'm not doing it to judge. If this hypothetical man is like "yeah I know I'd have to keep up with the upkeep and maybe wear hormone patches from now on, but structurally it makes sense for my view of my own manhood", I'd be like "that's really interesting, I considered adding a penis to my architecture but then decided that it would probably be a sensory nightmare for me. I'm surprised so many cis men can ride a bike."

And then maybe he'd say "where do you think cis men put their pensises when they ride a bike?" To which I would say "I don't know the mechanics of a penis and at this point the thought of learning in which direction I'd have to stick my hypothetical one makes me anxious."

And then he'd kind of scoff bemusedly, and we'd go out together for banh mis.

I think at this point in my rant I'm realizing that my major issue here is that the world as a whole is not friendly to genuine curiosity. I also get triggered by hate bait, and it bothers me that I can't pull the subject of the cringe fuel aside and be like what are you doing? Like, not judgementally. I want you to explain to me what you are doing and why it's important to you.

I don't think it'll convince me every time, but I'm pretty sure I'd be like "ah, okay. Makes sense." And then move on with a greater understanding of the growth of humanity.

And also we can get banh mis.

I really want a bahn mi but I can't bike to get one or else my guts will fall out. Gender affirming surgery is a mistake for the sole reason that it prevents me from yummy Vietnamese sandwiches.

Kidding. I'm kidding, not having a uterus anymore has been pretty cool.

The sun came up.

Fuck.

[aromanticannibal]

aro toga, dabi, and ochako...

i LOVE you /p

Toga: forever quest to break the belief that romantic love is the purest love starts NOW. she feels like every type of attraction at 500% break the counter kinda intensity but romantic love is completely just Not There. which is why she "falls in love" so quickly, and why her criteria is so based on appearance and how roughed up and bloody someone is. I think she never could unlock the quirk copy part of her quirk until Ochako because she never had the occasion to truly get to know someone, and with Ochako and Twice mostly she could actually get to know and like/love someone based on their personality and their actions as well as their appearance and such. Power of friendship or something. The rest of the league helped her with that too, she truly liked Magne and Touya like older siblings and she admired Tomura to an extent (on top of liking him for being a good boss). Mr Compress is that kind of adult figure in your life that's a bit embarrassing but that's cool to be around anyway. Like your cringe middle aged colleague who understands half of what you're saying and calls you miss. I also think her being aro adds to the part where everyone called her broken because she wasn't able to love like everyone else. The way she loves is wrong and bad and dirty and she hates that. anyway, generally i like saying ochako is aro rather than toga but god the queer allegory DEF can be an aro allegory with her and i love saying characters who r so based in love and romance are aro. it's always fun

Dabi: literally cannot seriously ship him with anyone in my mind's eye anymore he's too aro. might be aplatonic too honestly but i feel that could just be how focused he is on his goal and how little he (tries to) care about others. i'm not here to make friends or something whatever. Aromantic aplatonic dabi is a banger either way. i think he'd be like fraysexual too maybe. i think dabi fucks tho like undeniably he fucks

Ochako: HELLO. HELLO !!!

So I'm gonna make a post specifically for her but like. Aro ochako to me is expanding on the comphet izuocha headcanon not only is she doing compulsory heterosexuality she is doing compulsory alloromanticism too (if that's a thing idk. you get the point). i think shed be so used to girls loving boys and people loving someone, always, anyone, as long as they love someone, that she would latch onto whatever feelings she found for izuku and when her "crush" was somehow validated by aoyama and mina, she would completely sink into it. and then she meets toga, who loves differently, who preaches being yourself no matter what, who refuses to call herself broken or even different, and she'd be fascinated by her. even beyond the desperate need to save her and the need to get to know her and talk like normal girls, she'd see this girl who can smile so happily about the way she loves people, and she'd be jealous to death. she wouldn't even get by the "i must be in love with her" stage at all either she'd just know. in my mind's eye i imagine togachako fight where ochako tries to explain to toga that she loves differently too that she's weird and oaughhh.... sorry obsessed with this

[aroapl]

hello! first off, this ask is not at all meant to be antagonistic and i am genuinely coming from a place of wanting to understand. i've always been extremely for "people can be and identify as whatever they want, so long as they're not hurting anyone". what i'm struggling with is that last bit and the way that i am seeing some people using the aplatonic or loveless labels.

i am both aro- and ace spec myself, so i definitely understand not having emotions or attraction in the way that a lot of people feel that you should. and while i am pretty high empathy myself, i'm also friends with people who have low or no empathy and have no trouble understanding that that's just another way of existing and doesn't mean that you can't have compassion for people or treat people decently. my best friend has no empathy and is incredibly supportive and caring.

i also totally get when i see people iding as loveless because the way that our society (especially western society) uses the word "love" is so weird and definitely not universally relatable. completely understandable.

i've seen many people identify being aplatonic as meaning "idk i just don't really Connect with people in the way that i see most people talk about, if my friends all moved away, i wouldn't really be bothered" okay, cool. i don't Get it, but just seems to be a different experience.

where i'm really struggling is not to condemn or get angry at people who i straight up see saying "i'm loveless meaning i don't care about other human beings and if any number of people just died right in front of me i wouldn't care. if i saw someone in trouble needing my help i'd walk right past them. i hate humans". i haven't seen a TON of people express this, but i've seen enough to where i feel like they can't all be trolls, and i'm not sure how to respond.

i've also seen a lot, like definitely the vast majority of people i see pop up on my dash who id themselves as aplatonic, say that they feel horribly lonely and disconnected and just Can't make friends...therefore they must be aplatonic, and they should stop trying and be "naturally" isolated. a lot of these people also mention having past trauma, and a lot of them seem to be young teenagers.

now. i am of the opinion that identifying yourself "incorrectly"--eg, a young trans woman identifying as ace before she figures out she's trans because she has no interest in sex as someone who's seen as a man--isn't ever really harmful. not having sex with anyone isn't going to hurt you. briefly deciding you're a lesbian isn't going to hurt you if you're actually a trans man.

but these teenagers i see iding as aplatonic because they're unable to make connections with people but want to really worries me. if you don't have any close friends or even casual friends and are totally happy with that and id as aplatonic, that makes sense and seems perfectly fine to me. but i just can't make "i id this way because i'm miserable" mesh with my worldview, nor can i make "i id this way because i hate everyone" mesh either.

in the past when i've brought this up to people with the loveless able specifically, it's incited threats of violence, doxxing, and a lot of ableism, which tbh did the opposite of convincing me it was a harmless label.

do you have any thoughts on this?

(Little preface to say I consulted a server with a lot of apls and loveless folks in it to get a second opinion on how to respond to this. So, some of this is entirely my own thoughts and some is paraphrased from another loveless apl. This person did not want to be credited/named.)

I’m gonna start with my main thought on all these points, which is this: there are always going to be some people that identify with a label for the “wrong” reasons, and there are always going to be some assholes and some people you fundamentally don’t agree with in every label/community. None of these things ever make it okay to try and get rid of or police a label, to take it away from the people that genuinely find community, joy, and self acceptance in it.

A lot of what you’re saying here is quite frankly just classic aphobia, the same stuff a lot of people say/think about aros and aces just directed at apls and loveless people. There are plenty of aros that desperately wish they could like romance and have romantic relationships, and there are aphobes that think these aros are just mentally ill and that the aro label should be done away with to “save” them. There are some violently sex negative aces out there, and there are aphobes who think they speak for the whole community and that the ace label should be done away with because of it. There are people that mistakenly identify as ace and/or aro because they’re struggling with other things, and some of them isolate themselves because of it in ways that genuinely do harm them, and there are people that think ace and aro are inherently harmful labels because of this. 

Whether they truly are aplatonic or just falling back on the aplatonic label because of other struggles, some aplatonic people genuinely wishing they could make/keep friends and feeling lonely doesn’t mean that the aplatonic label as a whole is a problem. Like I said, people misidentifying in ways that do actually harm them in some way is something that can happen with any label. Also, trying to make someone drop a label that doesn’t actually fit them and force them to face the problem that led them to it before they’re ready to is rarely helpful. A lot of people in this situation would at best feel disrespected and upset, and at worst double down on their misidentification or have a serious mental health spiral over being made to face a problem they aren't ready to face. People wrongly IDing as aplatonic might find understanding and resources in our community that help them heal, they might be miserable the whole time they ID as apl and eventually move on and get help afterward, or they might learn and heal in other ways or go on to struggle for a very long time. Either way, it’s not the job of outsiders to decide someone is identifying with a label for the wrong reasons and make them let it go. 

(Also, a side note on this point. While aplatonic is currently primarily defined and used similarly to other aspec labels, there have been several other definitions that differ quite a lot. One of these definitions defines it as struggling to make or maintain friendships due to neurodivergence, or just generally struggling with friendship. Some people do still use this definition. Some of these people you’re talking about may be using this definition.)

Now on to lovelessness. Some of what you’re saying here gets into ableism, particularly towards people with personality disorders. Some people with personality disorders genuinely just aren’t capable of caring about strangers like that, or people in general. Some often aren’t capable of going out of their way to help people, or struggle a lot with it. That doesn’t make them bad. People can’t control how they feel. As long as they aren’t hurting anyone, people can feel or think whatever they want. Thought crime isn’t real.

Now, if someone is actually hurting people and using the loveless label as an excuse, that’s obviously not okay. The thing about that though is that taking the loveless label away from them won’t make them stop hurting people. They will just find another excuse, or stop bothering with having an excuse. An asshole is still going to be an asshole no matter what label or excuse they attach to it. On top of that, some people within an identity/community being bad people doesn't make it okay to vilify everyone that shares that label or get rid of that label/community. 

I’m genuinely very sorry some people have been ableist and violent towards you, that is never okay. I do need you to know though that despite what may have been good intentions, this does come off as aplphobic, loveless antagonistic, and a bit ableist. That can rightfully inspire anger and defensiveness in people with these identities, especially since many of us are already used to having our identities antagonized, disrespected, and demonized. Since you��re aroace-spec, imagine how you would feel if someone came to you and expressed these exact same sentiments, but towards ace and aro identities instead. Imagine how you’d feel if some came to you doubting that ace and aro identities should be allowed to exist because they’d encountered some aces and aros that were mean or unhappy in their identify.

At the end of the day, not everyone is going to share your worldview, and that’s fine. You don’t have to understand them or like them, or even get along with them, but they have a right to exist as they are even if you don’t agree with them or like it. If they aren’t hurting you, simply move on and focus your time and energy on the people and communities you do like and understand.

[mousesquared]

Hi! How did you realize you were aplspec? I'm questioning myself and am having such a hard time figuring it out lol...

(disclaimer that all of this is my personal experience and i dont speak for all aplspec people) oh also im gonna be saying i/me but this realization was a mix of mouses and mine (toby)

prepare for a long one cause i like to talk a lot i guess

i think it kinda hit me when i really thought about platonic attraction. im aroace and so dont experience romantic or sexual attraction and so thinking of a platonic version of that was a bit confusing. there were only a couple people i could remember feeling a pull towards to either be their friend or be closer as friends. with other friends it just kind of happened? they were someone i talked to about similar interests or in groups with mutual friends and a friendship just happened because of that. i didnt have a goal or pull to specifcally to try and get closer to them, it just happened because of where we hung around.

i know not all alloplatonic friendships are built on an urge to be friends or closer friends, but i do think my experience of it is in an aplatonic(spec) way. there is also the part where i dont specifcally have an urge to need close friends. i of course enjoy it when i do. but when i realized i was aplspec i only had like 2 past friends that i still occasionally texted but we were super distant. i didnt really miss an emotional bond with someone, i just wanted to talk to people. i was lonely in the sense that all my thoughts were having to be kept inside by head with no way out. and when i seeked out a place to talk about them, thats where friendships formed. i didnt join that community in order to get close friends, i just wanted discussion.

most of the time when it comes to friends, i am seeking the activity, the action, the nonloneliness. it is nice to have people fufilling that with me that i like! but with friends i have a really hard time gauging steps in relationships. i have been known to either talk to someone for a very short time and all of a sudden regard us as very close and i have been known to talk to someone and be friends with them for years, and then not consider them as close as they consider me. the latter isnt usually about me not liking them as much as others, i just dont realize how they view our friendship and have trouble gauging that kind of stuff for myself. i think that comes from just having trouble gauging how people see me in general. personally i think thats an autism thing but it affects my aplatonicism so its also an aplatonic thing!

i also think that i view friendship as like a complete separate step than just talking to someone a lot. that may seem like a contradictory thing to what ive said before. but the fact that i seek talking to people and interacting with others, thats why i was ok with not really having friends for a stretch of time. struggling with gauging friendship makes me see friendship as something that has to be kind of barrier you eventually cross instead of it just building up. i often dont realize when we cross that barrier and of course the other person doesnt feel the need to express it because we are already friends in their eyes. i am often hit with the "oh i guess we are friends now" thought. even with the few people i have felt platonic attraction to.

so TLDR: i realized platonic attraction is actually a thing, and most of the time i dont have an actual pull to be friends/closer with people. i dont usually seek the companionship of friends, usually just the sociable & activity doing aspect. i care about my friends but i dont view my care for them as a platonic attraction. i also have trouble gauging relationship levels with people and often dont realize we are friends until they say something or i realize im spending a lot of my time with them. (reminder that im aplspec, not 100% aplatonic too!)

[crackinwise]

Hot Take but, it's not the job of we actual aromantic (and asexual) people to coddle persons with antisocial personality disorder who identify with us when they want priority. If they're always pissy vague-blogging and derailing aros when a post mentions having friends and family just because there wasn't some disclaimer for them specifically, that's their Entitled problem. Policing language is always a red flag and the aro community here has become redder than a circus tent these past few years.

"But I can't love anyone in any way and want to be completely alone!" Good for them, but so what? How is that in any way an aromantic priority? The term is for lacking romantic attraction, nothing more. Words mean things. They want to talk about that? Fine. They want to talk "aplatonic" or "heartless" or whatever needing more attention? Go to some APD or other personality disorder support group/tag. I'm absolutely sure there's positive spaces for them and their full experiences. That's 100% not an insult; I'm being genuine. Spaces for one thing does not need to include all things, and you are NOT a bad person for knowing this.

You all "yes and" too much and don't know how to create boundaries. Say no. It's not our job to prioritize others who try to change what aro (or ace) means, just like it's not our job to prioritize straight men trying to Karen themselves into gay spaces for some reason. LGBT folks have a right to say no too! Like, if you're that worried about the hurt feelings of someone trying to put a boot on your neck, you gotta work thru that, babe. That's not our problem either. I'm sure reddit or a *chan board can fit all of you instead.

[variousqueerthings]

so ok, having finished rodeo, a movie I've been excited to watch for over a year, lotta thoughts

definitely worth the wait for me

the ideas explored in this movie are so very very complex, it's almost difficult to fit plot around them and yet it does so pretty immaculately

my biggest downside i think would be that it had space for a longer runtime. there were definitely bits that were rushed and the ending seemed to come... not out of nowhere, but faster than i think it needed to. some of the character dynamics (especially mr crime boss) felt a little underbaked

but. BUT: it doesn't really matter to me so much for several reasons - the story trajectory was fucking solid (I saw some people say not enough happened/that it was purely a vibes-based film, which was odd to me. i thought this film careened forward plotwise, it was very easy to see the direction it was going in, it wasn't trying to trick us or slow us down to get there) - the acting was great across the board. read that they were non-actors, and that naturalism really did come across, but i also don't think there was awkwardness or a lack of direction in the acting that can sometimes come from working with non-actors. probably because they were in their element - obviously, especially the lead -- can't tell if she's a non-actor or a newcomer, but either way she was amazing. every time a movie creates a female character who is SO SO off-putting and abrasive and angry and unwilling to give an inch an angel gets its wings, and she really commits, but also i thought she was incredibly vulnerable, it was simply that the language for who she is is completely impossible to access so what has she got left as a girl-who-may-not-be-a-girl from a rough estate, multi-ethnic, desperate to access a macho environment? like. of course she's got her hackles up near-constantly - the haunting???? THE HAUNTING?????? THIS WAS A GHOST STORY???????? HELLO????????????? what if you were a girl-who-was-an-incorrect-girl-who-wanted-to-be-like-a-boy-but-mainly-you-wanted-to-go-fast! and this man who helped you start getting your wings haunted/possessed you and you knew the only thing that mattered was being on the bike, that moment when you're going as fast as you can, that's who you really are, and you get it via the ghost of this dead man who comes to you in your dreams and claws his way inside you and gives you sage advice (and is also stunningly beautiful) - the gender, obviously. the overlap of trans/non/agender/dyke-gender/boy/boi/girl-not-girl coming-of-age explorations in there and the thing is, the beautiful beautiful thing is... i was expecting this film to go in the direction of "ah yea, and then she discovers her innate womanhood via this straight romance clearly being established between her and this guy" OR later on "she discovers her innate lesbian womanhood via this romance possibly being established between her and this woman" and neither of these things happen!!!!!!!! - this movie is for the aroaces, is what I'm saying. the triple-a's even. heck possibly the pentagon a's tbh: she's giving us aro, ace, aplatonic, afamilial, agender, she's giving us "all that Matters is the bike, stealing them, riding them, cleaning them up, going fast" she even sleeps with the bike at one point (literally sleeps, not sexually), that's who she is! - for the objectums too i just realised. the bike is the most important relationship here - and all of that Lack Of Romance that gets established is kind of at the heart of untangling a lot of her gender as well. she never does have a traditional coming-of-age, because to her all that mattered was getting to ride bikes, getting to steal those bikes, being the baddest bikerider, becoming something mythological and she did that! - so the ending is probably not for everyone, but i did see it as a positive. she wasn't in it "to be accepted" in the end (that was her first need, but really it was a means, and while she did take the kindness and give it back at times, esp to the wife, and i think one can read it as subtextual lesbianism, i do think there are textual moments to suggest she feels mostly sorry for her and her solution is: BIKES!!! like she wants to get her away from her husband, and she likes her kid, but it's not necessarily about getting her to herself, it's about offering freedom), she was in it to ride bikes forever and she does get that - fucking. it's a ghost story!!!! about asphalt pirates!!!!!!!! it invokes cowboys and pirates and highway men!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so in the end ok yeah, maybe the movie is a little bit about The Vibes, but I'd say more about The Themes and i can imagine a lot of people are seeing setups and expecting certain directions and feeling let down when that's not what the movie does. i did that at one point, specifically related to either having a heist go wrong or the crime boss guy acting out, and neither of these really happen, she's like. very good at what she does, consistently, and the only thing that goes wrong, every time, is that her innate being -- her Otherness (she calls herself Unknown arghhh) -- gets her into trouble with the guys (later just one guy who can't let go) who cannot square that with their reality of how the world Should Be, which is very very interesting. the plot doesn't come for her, her own hubris doesn't come for her, it's simply that Who She Is is threatening

but also that "Who She Is" is never totally spelled out -- it could be dykery, gender (which is also dykery in many ways), aroness, and really it's a mix of all of these because these things overlap in a multitude of ways (AND the movie definitely lends deliberate credence to all of them -- at one point someone disputes that she's "a tranny," at another point she's playing house with a married woman for a day and is warned away from her, at a third point a guy asks her if she "has a pussy" it's all "wrong gender/sexuality/relationship-structures")

which is. very very queer of this film

anyway. so. queer asphalt pirate haunting. but not as a series of tropes, if you expect tropes you will be disappointed. as an exploration and a kiss towards subculture and a feminist coming-of-age that's not about love for once

also this as double-feature with titane, although i wouldn't call this eroticism of the machine, because crucially julie in this film does not want to fuck anything or anyone, she just wants to be spiritually connected to a motorbike forever, unlike ofc alexia, who is consistently very very horny for the cars/trucks

spiritualism of the machine, if you will

[schizowitchic]

re: the last post i reblogged i am now going to rant about biphobia i have experienced and am experiencing! yay /s

(under a cut bc this got way too long)

so in secondary school i was in a friend group full of queer people, majority of whom were bisexual girls (at the time. a couple are now nonbinary / asexual) . and they were very big on the whole "bisexual culture is liking every woman and 2 men" thing, a lot of "ew men" jokes, and all in all general "liking women is better than liking men" "why am i dating a gross icky man i should be with a woman".

now i am more attracted to men than women, not by much, its typically fairly equal, but i definitely have a leaning towards men. and i repressed that for AGES. because it simply was "frowned upon", so to speak, from almost everyone i was close with

(for further context for the rest of this. i am not out as genderfluid. i use she/her pronouns irl and ppl know me as a cis woman. i am not really out as aromantic, when i identified as aroace i did tell a few people but i think they either completely ignored me or forgot. lol.)

nowadays, i tell my friends i am bisexual. one in particular always seems to forget, constantly calling me gay/lesbian, assuming i have no opinion or that my opinion will be "ew no" when she asks if i find a man she likes hot. (she has told me so many times "why am i asking you this you don't even like men". i have told her i am bisexual several times) (she also thinks it's funny to call me & another friend "f-slurs" . she says that not the actual word but still. i have to find it funny bc she gets so defensive if we imply she's homophobic)

(i do call myself gay bc i consider none of my attraction ever to be straight. i have no major issues with being called a lesbian apart from the fact that. yknow. im not a lesbian and have never identified as such)

i made a post a while back saying something like "help im being biseuxal erasured". because i am!! i am stuck in yet another situation with people who are either mainly attracted to women/only attracted to women/don't often talk about their attraction to me & also two cishet girls who are attracted to men in a very different way than i am (one of whom erases the fact i am attracted to men and the other who i don't like and probably assumes i'm a lesbian bc of how often everyone else says that)

also full of "ew men" jokes!!. might i add.

i literally have no space to talk about the way i experience attraction, i have to water it down and pretend i only like women, pretend i am interested in romance, pretend i feel attraction when the occasioanll bout of extreme sex-repulsion hits, take (albeit censored) homophobic slurs, sex jokes about me & another female friend that are getting uncomfortable.

and pretend like the main perpretatror of this isn't being at all queerphobic. (she also has massive racism and antisemitism issues. although my friend did throw basically a whole book at her face when she made a really bad joke). to the point where i no longer consider her a friend but i can't say that bc then im overreacting and i'll get the same bullying ostracisation treatment & my friends are still gonna hang out w her so i can't avoid it

people wonder why i am aplatonic when throughout friendships i have experienced: making fun of me to my face & behind my back, bullying, homophobia, biphobia, aphobia, ableism .

like what the fuck. im sick and fucking tired of having nowhere safe to express my sexuality bc let's be real, the internet often isn't the best space.

ive made my peace with either having to compromise my aromanticism or my allosexuality irl (ie either be out as bisexual or out as aroace) but apparently i can't even freely be bisexual without people making assumptions and at this point im just waiting it out until i can hit restart and try make new friends

[aroacesafeplaceforall]

In regards to your question about how out people are, I'm semi-out. I'm out to:

parents, brother, aunt (and her husband, because she seemed to have told him), uncle, two cousins, therapist.

I go between wanting to be completely out, and cut off any contact with people who don't except/like it, and regretting coming out to anyone at all, and wanting to be completely back in the closet.

(this is all about being aroace, I've only hinted to a few people that I'm trans, and haven't told anyone that I'm aplatonic)

I go between wanting to be completely out, and cut off any contact with people who don't except/like it, and regretting coming out to anyone at all, and wanting to be completely back in the closet.

I get that so much Anon, it should always be your choice when and how you come out! If you want to but you're not 100% sure either way it could help to talk to someone or even multiple someones.

Good luck Anon, Stay safe and remember you are valid!

[inhumanliquid]

heartless monster

Is this because I'm

1. Aromantic

2. Aplatonic

3. Afamilial

4. Nearly completely incapable of empathy

5. Nearly completely incapable of sympathy

6. Nearly completely incapable of compassion

Or

7. A combination of the above

Because either way, fuck yeah I am

[myname-isnia]

Just over a month ago I was 100% convinced that I was bi, openly talked about wanting a girlfriend, mentioned on several occasioned that I want to meet a pretty girl who’d rail me well enough for me to want to uproot my entire life and move to be with her, etc etc. I was so sure of this, believed it for five whole years, almost to the day. The anniversary of my realisation was just about a week away

Then, in the span of one night, it was as though a switch was flipped. Nothing happened, but something changed. I realised that I have never once experienced romantic or sexual attraction to any real person and that the thought of being touched made me want to vomit. I decided that the aroace label fits me better. It was a big hit to my sense of self because I felt like an entire third of my life was a lie. But it’s alright, I told myself. It’s still possible to find people who will love you. Family, friends, maybe a qpr. Everything will be okay. I never was aphobic towards others in any way, but definitely had some internalised aphobia directed at myself to work through

Not long after, when I had yet another fight with my mom, I realised that I was afamilial too. Family was always a touchy subject for me. My parents can't stand each other, neither could my maternal grandparents. I hated my little sister for the longest time because my mom didn't want to be around us any longer than she absolutely had to and essentially dumped her on me. My extended family was always wracked with conflicts too. So as soon as I was old enough to understand all of that, I lost all love for my family. I still care for them and would try to help them in any way if needed, but I don't exactly love them in the expected way. And I don't want a found family either, no matter how much I like that trope in fiction. I've had friend groups before that attempted to assign familial roles to everyone, and I hated that. It didn't matter if I ended up the put-upon older sister, the distant aunt or the mom friend, I refused any role I was given and was ostracized for it. Whether biological or not, I don't want to be anyone's parent, sibling, daughter, or anything else

That was all very hard to work through and accept, but I'm slowly getting there. I had a long crisis about feeling like I will never be enough because all I can offer someone is a platonic relationship. That's still something I struggle with, but it was slowly getting better. Until I suddenly understood that I didn't want a qpr either. I don't know, it just feels like... too much. Too personal, too intimate, too close for comfort. Something that I wouldn't trust anyone to not turn into something I wouldn't want. I have struggles with boundaries, my touch repulsion fluctuates way too much, I have an unpredictable temper and am way too easy to piss off. I don't think I could ever be in something as close as a queerplatonic relationship with anyone, it would make everyone involved miserable. So it isn't something I want either

And now, as if all of that wasn't enough, I'm considering a possible aplatonic identity as well. I'm not completely aplatonic, I have a handful of very close friends that I deeply care for and genuinely love, but I have no interest in expanding that circle. Friendships never came easy to me, I was always the backup friend for everyone to talk to when no one better was around. And when I did make friends, I often struggled with feeling genuine empathy towards them and didn't realise I was hurting them by leaving their messages on read or not wanting to hang out after school. I always felt so out of place in friend groups, and in one-on-one friendships I was always too much. Too clingy, too obsessive, too ignorant of what the other person wanted. Because it wasn't friendship I craved, but attention and a chance to talk to someone. So while I wouldn't trade the friends I do have for the world, I don't want any new ones. I have no interest in "finding my crowd" or whatever. I'm okay with what I have, I don't need anything else. After scrolling through the relevant tags it seems like plato-indifferent demiplatonic is as close I can get to describing how I feel

So... I don't know. On one hand, I'm happy that I'm figuring myself out and can feel more confident about both my identity and what I want from life. But on the other... it feels like some kinds of threads are snapping one by one. Like I'm becoming less and less connected to what is supposed to make me human. I know that's stupid, love isn't what makes us human, there's nothing that decides someone's humanity apart from the fact they're born a homo sapiens. But if I don't feel romantic or sexual attraction, don't want a family or a qpr or new friends, what worth is there to me? Humans aren't meant to live isolated, but I seem to lack the ability to form genuine connections 99% of the time. If I lose my current friends, I don't think I'll be able to make new ones. And then I'll be alone

I know this all probably stems from trauma and if I manage to heal, some of that may change and I'll find myself wanting things that currently make me nauseous to even think about. But there's no guarantee I will ever heal, or that things will change if I do. It almost seems like I was destined to be alone, like my very being is self sabotaging by nature. Or maybe I'm overreacting and this is all just some internalised shit that I need to work through. I don't know. I just don't fucking know

[aro-culture-is]

I accepted my asexuality pretty quickly. The country i live in sees the topic of sex as taboo and its never talked about. NEVER. Its toxic and bad but meh, its the culture. Maybe the reason i never had a problem with it was becauss im asexual.

But realising i might be aro is not. Im struggling with internalized arophobia. Im having identity crisis and existential crisis. And ive heard being aro/ace can be due to trauma? Is that real? Because if it is, lots of things start to make sense about me. Aplatonic aros? Is that a thing too? Ive always felt unfit. Never wanted a friend but seeing everyone in a group or with someone made me feel unworthy and broken from a young age. I don't want a traditional family and i feel like the one i currently am in would've gotten rid of me a long time ago if they could. My dad never kept it a secret how he disliked us, i know my mom sees me as a failure even tho she reassures me, and my brother's world is totally different from me. The few friends i managed to keep throughout the years either gotten on with their lives or found better people. What's the point of living then? Am i even human? How are other aros doing it? Am i aro or just a really shitty person who lost faith in love a long time ago? I need help

hi,

for one, yes - being a-spec can be due to trauma. There's even a microlabel for being aro (caedromantic) or ace (caedsexual) due to trauma.

aplatonic (apl) aros are absolutely a thing!

I'm so very sorry that you've had such a terrible experience with your family. Coming from an emotionally abusive household, I know how much it can completely change how you interact with others. If it is available and mental health services are okay in your country, I'd really recommend seeing a therapist. Even if you don't discuss aromanticism, asexuality, or aplatonicism, it's worth discussing with a professional about the ways you have been affected by the trauma of a family that never seems to accept you.

speaking again as a traumatized individual - as i've worked on my mental health, accepting my trauma, and moving forwards from my trauma, I personally have only grown more capable of accepting myself as aromantic and aplatonic-spectrum. I've learned that my life is my own; I can define what makes me happy in life and seek that, even if others will never understand.

I don't enjoy romantic relationships or living with others - so for me, my ideal future involves planning around living alone and what makes me happiest within that framework. I've considered that I do still get lonely, and that I'd love to have a cat - probably two, since some research seems to indicate cats generally are better adjusted when there are two.

I've thought about how I use my time - I'm disabled and in literal, full-body physical pain 24/7. Going places is an activity that requires me to plan recovery time, so I work especially hard to make my daily living comfortable. I'm currently working on finding little ways to make my life easier - putting meds, food, and water within easy reach of my bed and desk, for example - and learning to allow myself to enjoy those little things.

There's a certain amount of childish glee I'm learning to allow myself to enjoy from small activities. Those, for me, are a primary set of reasons to live. I enjoy my lotions, I eat breakfast for every meal, I lipsync in my bathroom mirror and giggle at my expressions. I learn to live as myself and I learn to see the small joys in it.

This isn't to suggest you aren't trying hard enough to find those joys! I don't think I truly could have done this without anti-depressants, therapy, and supportive friends (friendship is... complicated for me). You will have your own path forwards. I promise that with time and practice, things get better. It's rarely a sudden moment of change. It's often a sensation of taking a deep breath, saying to yourself "I am allowed to feel this way, and I am allowed to do what helps me feel better", and learning to comfort yourself. It's like seeing an echo of your younger self desperately trying not to cry, and realizing that they still exist within you, and you are now also the adult comforting that child, parenting yourself through things your parents never prepared you for.

I really, really hope things improve for you. You deserve to enjoy life. You deserve to not hurt.

[arosexpositivity]

Et tu, aro blog? skeletalroses [dot] tumblr [dot] com/post/692970874729545728 (I hate that I have to vet every single individual reblog of this post but come on)

Link. Archival link.

Yes, et moi.

Your chosen examples of horror fandom aphobia were:

Reducing horniness is swagless

Disagreeing with the underlying sexual connotations of a myth is homophobic

Horror is about love

It's obvious to me that with the first and second, your intent was to communicate, "demanding sexual content and mocking people who do not produce sexual content for you is acephobic."

That it's the act of bullying that is the problem.

I agree completely.

But the delivery, especially later in the thread, contributes to the overall effect of saying it's the sex that's bad, not the cruelty.

For all that I am aro too, I am also a sex positvity blog. That means walking the line of BOTH making it very clear that anyone who harasses, insults or denigrates others for a disinterest in sex is an fucking asshole with no respect for consent, and making it clear that horniness is not actually a bad thing.

The profusion of "sexy queer monster stuff" in recent years does not even manage to overtake the mainstream fact of horror being a pathos driven genre dominated primarily by violence.

I am unbelievably sickened by violence, btw. I throw up watching marvel movies. My delusions are often triggered by psychological and fantastic horror, too. Horror's content is pretty fundamentally inaccessible to me.

I do not then turn around and make a whole thread about how that inaccessibility is an act of insidious anti-psychotic bigotry, rather than just a natural consequence of genre convention.

Instead, I go find the horror fans who make non-violent content, engaging with the genre through reviews, meta analyses, and fandom. Because not everything that makes me feel alienated is the result of bigotry. Sometimes, it's just a matter of having to say, "this space is not good for me, I'm out" and making your own or picking a new hobby.

Someone being horny over horror in public is not an attack on you.

Someone being insulting absolutely is, but... well, like I said. I am a fan of horror, an aromantic, and a relatively well studied queer theorist to boot. And I haven't seen nearly as much of those insults, as I have seen aggressive pushback against them.

This is not to say they aren't out there. Of course they are! This isn't the kind of commentary one makes up on a whim. That would be as absurd as you saying "I've never seen someone use 'horny' to mean big and sweaty" and thinking that means it doesn't happen.

But it does mean you can avoid them.

Honestly, though, the real issue I have with that thread stems from the last bullet point. "Horror is about love."

This is a notion I've seen circulate occasionally for years, but never dominate, and I haven't seen it dominate right now either. Maybe it is! Maybe my curation and avoidance have gotten so good that I'm echo chambering myself away from all that nonsense.

But even so, even so?

This recent fixation on "love" as being an axis of oppression makes me fucking insane. Absolutely frothing at the mouth with outrage.

It so obsessively and gleefully centers romantic love as the highest form of human interaction. Which, given that it's supposed to be describing my experiences as an aromantic, aplatonic, anarchic person, makes me want to strangle myself.

If you declare all "love" to be outside yourself, you aren't just furthering the association of "love" with "romance," you're actively trying to separate yourself from the rest of humanity. Not because "(romantic) love is what makes us human."

But because "love" is an umbrella term that contains many of the specific things that make us human: compassion, trust, forethought, passion for ourselves, each other, our arts, our world, the desire to know and care for something whether it is ourself or outside ourself.

And I'm sorry, but as someone who has spent their entire life being called a violent monster by my family for being aro and pscyhotic, pre-emptively attacked for my lack of Human Qualities Like """""love""""" because everyone knows Brown People Aren't Capable Of Higher Emotions?

I'm not fucking interested in people telling me how "love" is beyond my ability to fathom and that I cannot be interested in exploring the ways love interacts with horror.

I'm just not fucking interested in being told that for my own good, I need to sit quietly and stay chill when someone is shit talking everything from horniness to love in the name of "protecting me" from one of my own hobbies.

[aroapl]

Do yk if it's possible to be aplatonic due to trauma?

Bc I remember being a kid and having lots of friends and loving having friends (even tho I was also still kind of a loner too).

I tried to make friends everywhere I went as a kid. My mom used to tell me all the time that I used to try and make friends with random strangers in stores.

Well I got homeschooled for years and I was pretty much isolated. I still desperately searched for friends growing up bc I hated being alone,

But now I'm almost 20 and I wouldn't really say I have any friends or even feel the need to make them.

Whenever strangers tryta ask me if I wanna be their friend I just kinda brush em off bc I don't want to form that bond or whatever.

I still have ppl I call friends but idk of I experience platonic attraction anymore. I still care about them and love them, but I wouldn't really consider them friends either.

I have aquantinces, partners/crushes, and ppl I consider family. Not really any... friends. And I'm starting to think that it's bc of the years of isolation I experienced growing up that I now no longer experience platonic attraction.

It is certainly possible, yes, and it is also completely valid. From what I've seen, it's actually relatively common for aplspecs to feel that their aplatonicism is caused by trauma (and/or neurodivergence that resulted from trauma). There are a handful of labels for aplspec identities caused by or relate to trauma, namely caedplatonic, if you'd be interested in that. Either way though, know that your experience of trauma based aplatonicism is real and valid, and that you are not alone in it.