#I'm so excited I could vomit

[mx-myth]

Okay so I've had some meta thoughts about Laurence's amnesia and how it relates to his relationship with Tharkay sitting in my drafts for like over a year now so I figured I'd finally clean it up and post it. Heads up it's really long.

Laurence finally consciously realises that he loves Tharkay (or is in love with him, whatever nuance you'd like) after "knew him, and knew himself." But at this point he's completely in pieces as a person (more on this next paragraph). Post-amnesia, he's an entirely different man. Pre-Temeraire Laurence is the harshest, strictest version both of and with himself. He follows the rules to the letter, basically takes Temeraire only out of duty in the beginning, and even keeps the promise between him and Edith despite there being no formal arrangement at all. Post-Temeraire but pre-amnesia Laurence has softened. He's putting less emphasis on the rules and more on his morals (see: treason). He has more leeway but still carries that honor/duty/order with himself.

Which is why post-amnesia Laurence is the version of himself that discovers that he loves Tharkay. In the wake of losing his memories and then regaining them he's lost and unmoored. Both of his past selves are so different and therefore so distant. They're both true but it's too jarring for him - especially in his current circumstances, much less the overall war - so Laurence becomes a new person. This is Laurence at his most vulnerable, his most unguarded, who smiles more often now because he doesn't really know that he didn't smile that much before. He has two major tethers to his personhood: Temeraire and Tharkay (I hesitate to say only tethers, simply because Laurence's life isn't that small, but repeatedly these two are the ones who have had the biggest impact on his life, who have kept him going). Obviously he loves Temeraire, he's never going to stop loving Temeraire, he just isn't capable of it, but seeing Temeraire didn't bring back his memories (I can't imagine how Temeraire must have felt, meeting a version of Laurence who had never met him). Laurence loves Temeraire in the most unconditional, selfless way - to be very Greek about it, his philia. But I think when he finally comprehends how Tharkay was the catalyst behind this radical change of his self he dives into his memories again and goes over them in excruciating detail (and he was definitely doing that already, but now he's doing it with a lens exclusively focused on Tharkay). At some point he comes to the realisation that Tharkay loves him, and that he loves him, and that he's been unconsciously shoving it down every time it's surfaced (past-Laurence was saying no homo while actively homo-ing). And with the benefit of being an new version of the same person (and also some hindsight, finally), this Laurence says, I've committed treason. My country sees me as a traitor but they still need me to serve them as a tool. I lost myself once in a war (see: "what are you doing?") that's still being fought. Time is short and there's no guarantee I won't lose my memories again, that I will still be the person I am right now. What do I have to lose?

(And on some level, this Laurence thinks, what can stop me?)

He begins giving to Tharkay what Tharkay always had given to him. His acts of devotions start small (relative to Tharkay's; transporting too many ferals is obviously a little outside of what Laurence can feasibly do). He cares for Tharkay once he wakes ("have you noticed the top of your head appears likely to come off?"), he helps him eat and drink, he massages his hands once they heal, he stays with him through the nightmares that come to haunt him. And he continues doing these little things for Tharkay, hoping that he understands (he's willing to wait, Tharkay waited for him after all, and Laurence doesn't want to push him, especially as he's healing). But I think the act that hits Tharkay like, oh, it's different this time is when Laurence bargains his freedom to Napoleon. I feel like that carries unspeakable meaning for Tharkay, who was ostracized growing up and ended up never having a "permanent" home since he travelled so much. I can't imagine that he hasn't been in a similar situation before, but he's probably always been expected to weasel his way out of it without any outside help. He's trained himself out of expecting someone to help him, to care enough about him to save him. Yet part of the man who turned to treason simply so the dragons of France wouldn't die in pain lives on in this Laurence. Pre-Temeraire Laurence is rules and post-Temeraire pre-amnesia Laurence is morals, but post-amnesia Laurence is all heart. There was never a way he was going to leave Tharkay behind.

So Tharkay starts watching him. He watches Laurence continue to devote himself to him, again and again. He brings him his coat on cold days. When it rains and their scars ache he curls around his hands and rubs lotion into them. When he goes into town he always brings Tharkay back a little gift. He starts growing vegetables in the garden and he learns how to cook non-wartime foods and how to knit (because he is a man forged by war and what does one even do during peacetime when one's dragon is busy reforming the government, anyway?) and suddenly he's providing for Tharkay like never before. He looked away for one moment and suddenly Laurence's prescence and all that he does has made the manor a home.

Yet Tharkay, for years, has told himself so many times that Laurence is off-limits, untouchable, that he can love him but that there's no chance that Laurence will love him back. The only way he can love Laurence is silently, nearly from afar, and so he tried to do that. But he can't just stand by and so every time he finds himself committing a deux ex Tharkay (see: ferals, again). He understands that there's some shit Laurence needs to learn himself (and god is this series very good about character development for Laurence) but he's not going to do nothing when the man in about to die. For him it's about caring and providing for Laurence even if he doesn't know it. He learns to content himself with the knowledge that, even if nothing comes of it, he can still be by Laurence's side.

But then the amnesia plot happens (which he only learns of after all of it goes down) and suddenly there is a half-stranger wearing the skin of the man he loves (loved, he tells himself) looking at him with those familiar blue eyes filled with a completely unfamiliar emotion. He's relieved that Laurence remembers but he's said that his Laurence is gone that he's even thinking of it like that (Tharkay has a lot of anger, both at himself and others and the world). Laurence is right in front of him, he's not gone at all, but he's gone in a way that matters. But also this new Laurence is by his side all the time. He's feeding him and helping him drink and dress and he sleeps on the floor by his bedside. Tharkay is so confused because this has to be some kind of fantasy dream he's having. He must still be in the cave (and it's believable that he is, because he returns there every night in his dreams). But he isn't and he has to struggle to come to terms with this new Laurence.

So every time Laurence does something even remotely nice he hyper-analyses it and rationalizes it to himself. He deludes himself into thinking that this is normal for Laurence now. It's normal for Laurence to fuss and hen over him now; it's normal for him to smile at him with that emotion written plainly on his face that Tharkay still hasn't (refuses) to decipher. And he does this well into post-canon.

For that reason he only gets with the program when Laurence has to leave the manor (leave home) for a long while (probably with Temeraire) and suddenly Tharkay is all alone in this huge manor. He's wearing the socks Laurence knitted for him and eating food Laurence grew and walking into rooms and seeing little parts of him scattered everywhere. There's a novel he's reading left on the table by the chair he prefers in the library. There's a cookbook in the kitchen in which he's bookmarked recipes he thinks he might like. Tharkay finds a handwritten list of things they need to buy in town left out for him. He left his pillows on Tharkay's bed because he knows he likes sleeping with a ton of pillows (and they smell like him, and Tharkay pretends he doesn't bury his face in him, that he doesn't miss him while he's gone). When Tharkay wakes up in the morning he makes two cups of tea and waits for Laurence to come in from talking with Temeraire before remembering that neither of them are here (home). He expects Laurence to appear in the evenings to ask if he wants to go on a walk through the grounds with him (and he always ends up saying yes). Tharkay learns that the manor is too big for one man who has always been a little too lonely in his life.

So until Laurence returns home he plots and plans and agonizes. After a week once Laurence has come home (and the first thing he had said to him was welcome home, and Laurence had beamed at him, and it was so unbelievably natural to say it) Tharkay begins his attempts at reciprocating. He wakes up earlier so that he can brew Laurence tea so he can take it out to sit with Temeraire. He says that he cooked some of the recipes from Laurence's cookbook and insists on making them for Laurence (he had to figure out his system of marking which recipes were Laurence's favourites). He gifts him a sturdy, functional, and beautifully crafted knife to wear around the house for daily use; he specifically makes sure the knife is up to Temeraire's standards. In fact, Tharkay talks to Temeraire about everything, and Temeraire tells him, with no minced words while completely drawing his own conclusions, that it's very nice that Tharkay is asking him for his blessing, but does he really need it at this point? Haven't they been courting long enough? He's always approved of Tharkay, because he makes Laurence happy.

That's how Tharkay realises he and Laurence have been dancing around each other like shy birds, both of them subtly showing off but not making the first move. And maybe he realises that Laurence is thinking how he used to think - that it's okay as long as he can be by his side, that he doesn't need his love reciprocated (it's a very long chain of Tharkay loving Laurence, Laurence knowing Tharkay loves him and loving him back, and Tharkay loving Laurence and knowing he knows he loves him and loves him back). And of course Tharkay wasn't going to make the first move back then, and if Laurence hasn't by now, then maybe he should borrow some of Temeraire's courage.

It's something small. The words come later, given how action-forward both Laurence and Tharkay are. They don't even need words. Maybe Tharkay takes Laurence's hand during dinner and intertwines their fingers, maybe he touches Laurence's cheek after he's braided his hair as their eyes meet in the mirror, maybe as they pack away the port and piquet he kisses him good night. Whatever it is, they look at each other and simply know. Tharkay sees Laurence slowly start to smile, a huge one that spreads across his entire face, one that he's only seen on Laurence when he thinks he's alone with Temeraire. He seems to brighten, almost radiating light.

For his part, Laurence reciprocates. He squeezes Tharkay's hand, he turns his cheek into Tharkay's touch, he pulls him in for another kiss. He watches as something seems to drop from Tharkay, something that he hadn't even known he was carrying. He becomes loose and relaxed, his body language more open as he looks at Laurence with one of his little smiles, a bit of shyness that he's never seen before evident on his face. He tells Tharkay that he's the most beautiful person he's ever seen.

[elenorasweet]

ADHD child starts grade 4 today

with meds!! Her school is tiny and has a ton of tools and stuff in place to help, but it was still almost impossible for her to get anything done. We started meds at the end of last school year, and Lili has been doing so well this summer!

The meds give her the little bit of leeway to actually use any of her tools and vocabulary and stuff, so she's able to calm down and think, and she's blown me away again and again by being able to think through a problem that would have sent her into a tantrum or panic spiral last year, and come to an adult for help, or to express why she's upset, and it's SUCH a change from before. Just giving her some room to breathe to use all the tools we've been trying to give her.

And focus! She spent two hours going through clothes donated from her older cousin with me yesterday, and cleaning out the clothes she's grown out of in her closet, and putting things away, and it was hard work but she did it without complaining, and when we were done she just about collapsed onto the couch and played video games for the rest of the afternoon, and that's A-OK. She was mentally exhausted the rest of the day, and we did our best to keep things low-key for her, but she was able to marshall her energy and focus, get it done, and communicate that she was tired now.

I'm so fucking proud of her. I'm so fucking excited for her to start school now that she's adjusted to the meds and found a dose that works. She's still hyper and easily distracted and her mouth doesn't stop moving for even a SECOND and once she's out of energy she's OUT, but she eats and sleeps more, and she's actually able to function, and she has the same teacher as last year, and Mme Bonny is going to be so impressed with her.

Gaaaah, I'm so hyped!!!

[dirt-goth]

Last time I saw Thursday was 2017 and I got so black out drunk that I remember NONE of their set and I cannot fully process the fact I'm seeing them tonight living a life that is healthier, happier, and so unfathomable to the guy who saw them last. I'm so ready to commit this whole night to memory💖

[awkward-smirks]

yesterday was national pancake Day and I'm getting pancakes with Daniel on Saturday. how swag is that. i love him and I'm so glad he's down to get pancakes w me :')

[riverfigs]

I've been talking about this with literally everyone I know because I'm incapable of deciding but I can't decide what I'm gonna do for study abroad ACK

[boowritess]

part 1 hehe

notsobaddasssoldier!reader that is so incredibly under prepared for everything. and the 141 really do forget that you're actually still very green - very new to this life.

especially with things like interrogation.

for once, price is putting you on the sideline BUT you have to interogate the person they have captive for valuable information.

they'll give you whatever things you need in order to pry out any sort of information from the captive. they don't even second guess you asking for a guitar. they get one then they continue on with the mission while you interrogate the person.

their expectation may have been very high. they were betting on all the little fun bloody pain you could potentially do to the captive. seriously,

"knife, they're a knife person" *ghost*

"definitely not. fire. they're definitely using a blowtorch on em as we speak." *soap*

"sod of the both of ya - waterboarding. for sure." *gaz*

"choking." *price shrugs*

obviously, they were excited to come back and see who was right...

it really humbled them to see they were all wrong.

"please make them stop. i'll tell you whatever you want"

*captive yelling that can be barely heard over reader.*

"AHHHHHHHHHH *strum strum* AHHHHHH AHHHHHHH *strum strum* AHHHHHH-"

*reader who is loudly strumming the guitar out of tune, screaming in the captives' face over and over again.*

the guys don't know if they should be impressed or concerned. they were gone for nearly 5 hours.

5 hours you had been screaming in the captives' face 'playing' the guitar.

later on you get a lesson from ghost about what interrogations are supposed to be like - it ends with you vomiting and price patting your back and gaz holding a bucket to your mouth.

"what did you think was gonna happen when ghost showed ye what to do?" *soap*

"i don't know... go boo?" *scarred reader*

yeah... you're not allowed to do interrogations anymore or be involved in interrogations- you are also most definitely not allowed to talk to captives or guard them because -

"why're you doing this?" *captive*

"honest to god, i ain't got much goin' for me and i had hella stu-"

*reader's mouth suddenly gets covered, gaz looking at you like an idiot*

"hm? what is your little task force plan, huh? go on and blow the place?" *captive*

"well actually no. they plan too-" *your mouth gets covered just in time and you're getting dragged out the room by a very frustrated price*

you very much get ANOTHER lesson about what NOT TO DO when in the same room as a captive - it's pointless though because you're still not ever allowed in the same room alone with a captive.

HAHAHA

i can't stop thinking of reader who is watching a captive be interrogated for information by getting choked and reader just piping up like

"i don't think they can breathe..."

*ghost, long exhale, continues choking captive*

"that's the point, kid" *price*

"oh..."

*they continue choking the captive, waiting for them to crack-*

"if they can't breathe how are they going to talk-?"

"out." *ghost snaps pointing at the door.*

maybe they do give you a second shot at attempting to interrogate the captive. the 'correct' way this time, though. giving you ALL the necessary tools...

and you are ready, you're pumped. you can do it. you're not going to vomit - you're going to do it right.

you grab the pliers and walk towards the captive who is obviously panicked, very much expecting you to do your worse. which you are.

you grab their mouth and force their mouth open, ready to pull their teeth out - sucking a deep breath in as the captive starts to cry and beg.

but then you start to cry and beg.

"please just tell me the information i don't wanna do this"

"you don't have too!" *captive, crying and begging too*

"i do! i'm sorry..."

"no." *captive*

"yes."

"no" *captive starts screaming, making you start screaming as you pull on their tooth both of you staring at eachother and screaming your heads off.*

"I'M SORRY!"

"STOP!" *captive*

"I CAN'T!" *pulls tooth with pliers* "EW EW EW EW-"

you don't even do it right. you're pulling at their tooth with pliers and you're not strong enough so you're awkwardly just tugging the captives head. but the both of you are too busy screaming and begging to notice...

but you actually manage to successfully get the information - you're still not allowed to do interrogations... only being the very last option.

it does mean that you have to go on missions... even if you're useless omg idea?

*gasp* someone claims reader is a traitor - oop?

more parts, perhaps?

a/n: wrote this while trying to work through an anxiety/panic attack !! xx honestly tho these would be my genuine reaction. btw drink water and try sleep cause i can't xx

[sugawhaaa]

ATEEZ REACTION🥧

🍨Creampie first time 🍨

Warnings::SMUT

genre:: creampie (obviously) all of them are missionary :) praise, cursing, squirting (san) oral (san, Wooyoung) overstimulating (Seonghwa, San)

Pairing:: ateez x fem!reader

Ateez headcanons masterlist:: here

A/N:: MY UTERUS IS IN SO MUCH PAIN RN IM LITERALLY CONVUSLING FROM THE WAIST DOWN WHILE TRYING NOT TO VOMIT but yk it's okay bc I always get cramps a week before, during and after my period 🥰 but on a serious note should I see a doctor or...am I just a woman

Taglist:: @haarrrys

🌸Hongjoong🌸

-Argue with me all you want but this man is possessive as hell over you so when you first told him he could cum inside he lost his shit.

-"R-Really?" He would look at you stunned for a moment before smiling. "Okay get naked right now,"

-he'd drag out the sex for so long making sure you both get the best climax of your entire lives. He wants this to be so special.

-when he first gets fully inside you without a condom you can see the lust just fill his eyes.

-he would try to hold off cumming to get you as excited as he can and when he finally gets that one last thrust in, his mind just blanks out.

"Baby I'm gonna cum soon," Hongjoong says softly as he rubs one of your nipples with his thumb. His other hand is holding his body up, his hand right next to your head. "I can't wait to fill you up," he moans softly. "Your gonna be all mine," he says with a little voice crack as he finally thrusts one last time before his cock starts twitching.

Hongjoongs eyes go wide as his mouth hangs open in a perfect O, gasping for air softly. He's never felt your bare pussy clenching around him while he cums. Each layer of your pussy hugging him as he fills you up.

On your end, his cum comes in waves. The first wave was unimaginable. It didn't feel real that's how good it was. The second one felt so warm as it kept going up and up your body. The final wave was almost too much to bear. You felt so full. The fullest you've ever been.

Hongjoong slowly pulls out and watches his cum drip from your pussy. He can't even speak he's that stunned. You lay there, feeling his cum travel up your body. He catches some of the cum dripping out and puts it back into your pussy.

🌸seonghwa🌸

-second guesses reality

-"Are you sure? What if I get pregnant?" He'd be so worried that something might go wrong but you assure him it's safe

-when he first pushes inside you he goes wild. He bites his lips and looks up with a desperate expression, cursing under his breath

-once he gets into it though he can't stop. At all.

-"I'm gonna fill you up right to the top and you're going to take it all."

-He wouldn't just creampie you once, it would be multiple times.

-He'd always try to cum at the same time as you, making your entire body convulse

Seonghwa gently thrusts into you from behind while on top of you. His body is pressed right against your back, his mouth right next to your ear. He whispers all kinds of dirty words as his hips slap against your ass. "That's it, you're gonna take all of my cum," he hisses, his thrusts slowly increasing in speed. His hands gently hold your hands next to your face, buried in the pillow.

Your hair is a knotted mess on the bed from his relentless thrusts and hair tugs. You feel your body being pushed further into the bed as the mattress scoots up closer to the headboard. Your soft muffled moans make Seonghwa grin micheviously. "You're already so full, aren't you? Listen to it," he chuckles as each pound of his cock moves the cum inside you. The squelching and sloshing echoes in the room. "Your such a good girl~"

🌸Yunho🌸

-taken aback by the sudden confidence

-"Alright sure, I guess,"

-on the inside, he's really really excited. Not in like a turned-on way but in a "is this the next step of our relationship!?" Way

-makes it super sexual and does all kinds of little things he knows you love

-would play quiet sensual music in the background and make the lights dim

-bro is definitely eating you out afterwards

"That's a good girl, let go for me," Yunho rubs his thumb over your bottom lip with a smile, his hips following the rhythm of the song playing in the background. His touch was gentle but seductive. "No one's here, it's just me and you. Let it all out baby," he speaks in a soothing voice that makes your body heat up.

You felt yourself submitting to his words, your orgasm creeping closer as you fell into the whirlwind of lust Yunho had been building for you. He grins as he feels you tightening. "Is my baby gonna cum? Let me hear those pretty sounds while you cum," he says in a slightly more possessive and commanding tone. You whimper softly and a rush of satisfaction rolls over Yunho.

This riles him up and his hips fall out of tune with the song, pounding into you faster and harder. You shake and squirm beneath him, your whimpers slurring into moans and you finally feel the long-awaited peak you had been reaching for. Not only did you reach it, but so did Yunho. With one final victorious thrust, he bursts inside you, his cum spurting out into your pretty pocket.

"Good girl, good pretty girl," Yunho praises as he fills you up watching your eyes roll back in pleasure. He caresses the side of your cheek as your body has one final twitch of pleasure. He then pulls out before lowering his head between your legs, softly licking up your mixed pleasure.

🌸Yeosang🌸

-taken aback, like a lot

-"Are you sure? What if something goes wrong?" Another concerned baby >.<

-once he gets inside though, everything changes.

-he would genuinely need a minute to process this unreal feeling. He would rub his hands all over your body while adjusting

-I know no one will agree with me but this man has a slight breeding kink. Not excalty the fact of getting you pregnant but more of just filling you up and claiming you

-loves the way you hug him tightly

-fucking loves the texture of your walls and will roll his hips around to feel every grain of your pussy

Yeosang holds the back of your head gently pushing your forehead against his as he lowers a bit more of his body weight onto you. As he holds your head he entangles his fingers into your messy hair. The sound of his hips slapping against yours echo in the room and you don't even care that there will be bruises there tomorrow. "You're so gorgeous," Yeosang brings his head down to your neck, nuzzling into you as his thrusts become faster.

You arch your back up into him, wrapping your arms around his body as you feel climax fast approaching. You claw at his back, leaving red marks from your nails and Yeosang grins at the stings running down his back. He runs his tongue over your neck before kissing it softly. Yeosang feels your walls gripping onto him as your whimpers become more pathetic.

"I'm gonna cum," you cry out and Yeosang can't hold back his smile. His uses his free hand to gently play with your nipple as his thrusts increase in pace.

"Me too baby, you're doing so good," he speaks in a low soft tone before feeling hot spurts of cum flood your pussy. This alone spurs on your orgasm, your body shaking beneath Yeosang as you moan loudly. Whimpers that sound like cries follow after and Yeosang sighs heavily before wrapping his arms around you. Pulling you closer to him even though you thought it was impossible to be closer.

🌸San🌸

-low key hesitant at first

-he would treat it like normal sex, doing the foreplay you always like, talking to you the same until you start begging for him to be inside you

-as soon as he hears your first plea for him to fill you up he fucking snaps brooo

-this is one of the rare cases San would be rougher than usual

-holds your hand while he cums <3

-he wouldn't stop after both of you came, he would keep going until you explode 💀

-after he's finished he would love the sight of it, seeing your mixed cum slowly dripping down your slit would make his heart flutter

San was basically pushing you into the mattress at this point, all feeling in your legs was gone but he wasn't done, not until you saw stars. He then reaches out to your hand and holds it softly. His grasp was firm but not enough to cause discomfort or pain. You felt his cock twitch before feeling warmth envelop you from the inside out.

Even after your double ground-breaking climaxes, he didn't stop. His thrusts just as hard as ever. Your eyes widen at the feeling. You were so sensitive from your orgasm but San was still buried inside you, hitting your A-Spot every time. Your moans became gasps for air as you felt another climax approaching. This one was different somehow and before you knew it you squirted all down San's thighs, soaking the bed.

San pulls out, accepting the fact that you must be physically drained from all of these orgasms. You lunge forward and wrap your arms around him, laughing softly from the pure bliss. San can't hold back his smile as you laugh. "How was that baby?" He asked softly as he rested you back down on the bed. You lay there breathless and San takes that as a sign that it was good.

He brings his head down between your legs and gently licks up all the access cum that had dripped out during your convulsions.

🌸Mingi🌸

-oddly excited

-"Are you sure? You promise?" Turns to "fuck I've been wanting make you mine for so long"

-he would try to keep it peaceful and intimate but he wouldn't be able to hold himself back

-similar to Yeosang he would need a minute to process your warmth and tightness. Just sitting there basking in the feeling

-another hand holder

-this may sound weird but he wants to see his cum literally dripping out of you onto the floor so if you're okay with it he would encourage you to go on your feet to witness the erotic scene his pictured

"You're so perfect. So fucking perfect," Mingi hisses under his breath as he ruts into you. He abruptly grabs your hips and thrusts into you with reckless abandon, turning your pussy to mush. Your body tightens, fists clenched, jaw latched shut, eyes squinting shut, legs shaking before everything finally comes undone. Your body relaxes and with one or two deep thrusts Mingi unloads inside you.

Mouth hung in a perfect little 0 as he cums. He felt so warm, the coziest you'd ever been. Not to mention he had a lot of cum, just wave after wave filling you up. When he finally emptied he gently lifted you up with ease. He stood next to you as you looked down at your feet and he was right. The sight of his cum dripping down the inner side of your thighs and dripping out onto the floor was oddly erotic.

Mingi rubs your back softly before whispering in your ear. "All mine,"

🌸Wooyoung🌸

-genuinely nervous

-"are you sure? I mean like what if something goes wrong or what if you don't like...it?"

-he'll be hesitant at first but just do something like run your hand over the bulge in his pants and he'll instantly change his mind

-more possessive than you initially thought

-afterward, he'd use little kitten licks to clean you up, no cum can go to waste.

-wants to be as close as possible to you when he cums

-when he does cum though, he needs to watch your facial expressions. It's not a want it's a need.

You and Wooyoung had your limbs tangled up in a lustful mess. One of your legs was over his shoulder, basically wrapped around his neck, your tongues twisting around each other's, one of his hands groping you while the other held yours. You were a desperate mess for him and you were not afraid to admit it. Wooyoung notices your body tightening and tensing, a hint at your impending orgasm. He pulled back from the kiss, looking directly into your eyes.

"That's it, baby, you're doing so good," Wooyoung says before continuing to kiss all down your face to your chest. Your legs suddenly wrap around him and you grab the back of his head.

"Wooyoung!" You cry out as your orgasm crashes over you in waves. Another layer of waves is added but not your own. Wooyoungs cum filled you up in waves, his cock pulsing as he emptied out his passionate lust. Wooyoung pulls out and gently begins to lick up your arousal from between your legs. Gentle little licks. You lay there panting in a pool of pleasure.

🌸Jungho🌸

-surprisingly chill about it

-"Okay, sure. As long as you're certain,"

-he's all Mr. Cool guy until he slides inside you and feels every grain of your texture pussy hugging him

-constant words of praise and worship slip from his lips as he fucks you

-the thought of filling you up and making you his own just drives him crazy.

"You're so tight," Jongho whispers as he pounds into you. "Such a pretty pussy, all for me," he says before kissing your neck, his hips never faltering. You whimper with a nod as your hands subconsciously rise to his hair, gently gripping it to ground yourself. He peppers kisses all over your upper body waiting to feel you approaching your high and soon enough, you do.

"Jongho, I'm gonna cum," you whimper and Jongho can't hold back his smile. His thrusts become erratic and deep, never relenting. Your body arches up into his as you cry out his name in pleasure. He smirks as he thrusts one last time before emptying himself inside you. He leans back as he watches your body twitch and squirm beneath him. "So full," you whimper softly as you feel wave after wave of cum filling you up.

"That's right. So full of my cum," he grins before pulling out, watching the trail of cum drip from your slit and down his tip. "Now you're all mine,"

[punkshort]

Swept Away | Chapter 4: Tropical Heat

Pairing: sugardaddy!Joel Miller x f!reader

Chapter Summary: The first day on Glenn's yacht is much more dramatic than you originally expect.

Chapter Warnings: language, slow burn, sugar daddy/baby vibes, food and alcohol consumption, intoxication, reader gets drunk and snippy, mentions of past infidelity, flirting, sexual tension, jealousy, one tiny daddy reference, nausea/vomiting, joel gets mean but he makes up for it (he sucks at feelings)

WC: 8.5K

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"I'm so excited for tomorrow. Glenn's yacht is supposed to be massive. Like, full crew, multiple levels. The type you'd usually charter but he actually owns it." Zoe sighed dreamily next to you at the hotel salon. You were listening but your eyes were pinned on your nails, watching as the technician managed to make your hands look like they were out of a catalogue in less than an hour.

"Yeah, that - it sounds really cool," you replied. "Should be fun. Joel said there's some tiny islands we might check out or something."

Zoe nodded excitedly. "Zach said there's one called Monu Island. We're supposed to have dinner there the first night."

"Dinner? How?" you asked. She looked at you like you had two heads.

"The crew brings the stuff to shore for us and cooks?" she said as if she were explaining how to ride a bike. Shit. You probably should have known something like that if you were pretending to be in the upper, upper class.

"Oh, yeah, I knew that," you said with a nervous laugh, "I meant how are they going to get us off that yacht? The more I keep hearing about it, the harder it's going to be to pull me away from it."

Zoe giggled and you inwardly breathed a sigh of relief.

"Maybe you can convince Joel buy one for yourselves. He can certainly afford it," she told you with a wink.

"Yeah, and Zach can't?"

She shrugged, smile still stretched across her face but you could see something shifting in her eyes. "Can I tell you something?"

You nodded and leaned a little closer.

"I don't think Zach's doing very well. Business-wise."

Your eyes widened, encouraging her to continue.

"I don't know for sure, but I have overheard a few conversations and I get the feeling if he doesn't win this bid, his hotel chain is done for."

"Oh, no," you breathed, brows crinkling with concern. "Zoe, I'm so sorry."

She gave you a confused look but quickly recovered. "Oh, thanks. It's no big deal, you know. I'll be just fine."

What did that mean? Zoe would be just fine if Zach went bankrupt? How?

You wanted to press her further but you could tell the door closed. She was looking down at her freshly manicured nails with a huge smile then held them up to your face and wiggled them around.

"What do you think?"

She had picked a white nail polish with a faint hint of sparkle. The color did look very nice against her tanned skin and you told her so right when your technician released your hands, announcing you were all set. Pulling your fingers from the blue light, you admired them up close.

"Alright, I'll admit it. I questioned your color choice before but damn, that looks so pretty on you," Zoe said enviously as she examined your hot pink nails with a glitter top coat.

"Thanks," you gushed, hardly able to tear your eyes away after you left the salon and headed for the elevators. You could count on one hand how many times you ever got your nails done in the past and it was always for a special occasion: prom, a wedding... maybe once when someone got you a gift certificate for Christmas. It felt like such a treat and it gave you a nice little confidence boost.

You waved to Zoe when she got off on her floor, vowing to see each other in the morning bright and early on the dock, then rode the elevator the rest of the way to your floor.

It was difficult to contain your excitement when you entered the room, but you remained quiet because you heard Joel's voice carrying from the living room. He had someone on speaker who was discussing budgets and employee turnover so you snuck past him and headed towards your room to pack.

How much does one person need for two days? Not a lot, probably. But you weren't very clear on the dress code. Was this going to be casual? You already noticed if Glenn organizes the parties, the vibe is much more relaxed but Mary tends to make it a little more formal when she handles things.

After packing a swimsuit, two coverups, one set of pajamas (which you agonized over when you remembered you would be sharing a bed with Joel), and three different options for daytime wear, you went back out into the living room to see if Joel would know what you should pack for the evenings.

"Joel?" you asked softly when you spotted him sitting quietly on the couch with his eyes closed. He tilted his head to the side and slowly opened his eyes. "Are you okay?" you asked. He nodded and stood with a groan.

"Just tired," he said right when his laptop chirped with two new emails. He began to walk towards the table but you were closer. You bravely closed his laptop with two fingers and he froze.

"C'mon, what're you doin'?" he asked, taking another step, but you shook your head and leaned forward, resting your weight on the arm that was holding his computer closed.

"You need to take a break," you told him firmly. He scowled and crossed his arms.

"I'll be takin' a break when we're on the damn yacht."

"Taking a break on the weekend is a given. You work around the clock, Joel, you need to slow down."

"I don't got time for this," he told you with a shake of his head. "I'm busy, I got a company to run."

"Well that's just too bad because I have dresses to try on and I need help picking ones to pack," you told him just as sternly. His eyes flickered up to yours and you could practically see the gears in his head turning. "I think that's far more important than some emails, don't you think?"

His mouth twitched and you could see his face soften and you knew you had him.

"Fine. Ten minutes," he relented. You grinned and skipped off to your room, and only when your back was turned did he allow himself to smile.

Joel sat patiently on your bed while you tried on the handful of dresses you grabbed and put in the bathroom, waltzing back into your room every few minutes with a new one to show him.

"Darlin', I already told you. You look good in all of these."

"Yeah, but which ones are your favorites?" you pressed, doing a little twirl so he could see the back of the pink dress you were currently wearing. "And what will we be doing? Like, how formal are these evenings going to be?"

He shook his head, his eyes glued to the curve of your back when you spun around again. "Not that formal. One night we'll be on the beach, the other night just on the deck."

You nodded and tapped your chin with your finger. Any of the dresses you had would do now that he told you it wasn't that formal, but you were pushing twenty minutes of no laptop or cell phone useage and you really wanted him to take a longer break from work, so you had an idea.

"Okay, just one more. I'll be right back," you told him, scurrying off to the bathroom to slip into a deep purple dress that just so happened to be the shortest one in the bunch by a mile. You weren't sure what Joel's assistant was thinking buying you something so short and tight. When you looked in the mirror, the fabric clung to your curves, leaving very little to the imagination with only two thin spaghetti straps to hold it up.

Obviously it was too inappropriate to wear on the yacht, but that didn't stop you from taking a deep, nervous breath and strolling back into your bedroom with what you hoped was an air of innocence.

He was leaning back on his elbows when you walked in, eyes drifting around your room and taking note of the items you kept on your nightstand, but when he saw what you were wearing he straightened right up.

"What do you think?" you asked as you twirled, but that time you made sure to take it slow.

"It's, uh..." his throat when dry when he saw how perfectly the dress hugged your ass and he had to clear his throat. "Nice," he finally managed to say. You fought back a smirk when you heard the strain in his voice.

"Yeah?" you asked, looking down at the dress. "I don't know, the material is a little rough."

Joel swallowed when you ran your hands slowly down the fabric, your palms traversing over your soft curves, making his fingers twitch.

As if you read his mind, you looked back up at him with a little pout and asked, "you wanna feel?"

Without hesitation, he spread his knees and beckoned you over with two fingers. You grinned and stepped forward, stopping when you stood between his legs, his mouth mere inches away from your stomach.

You could feel his hot breath through the dress and you had to suppress a tingle down your spine, but when he lifted his hands to cup the backs of your bare thighs, you couldn't hide your reaction that time. You made a little noise in the back of your throat when his fingers squeezed your legs and he looked up at you, eyes so dark and filled with lust that it took your breath away.

"This okay?"

"Mhmm," you hummed, your hands coming up to his shoulders so you could balance yourself. His fingers inched up your legs slowly, tentatively exploring without giving into his deepest desires. But fuck... if he wanted to, you would have let him.

He slid his hands up the sides of your thighs, his fingers catching a bit on the hem of your dress before reaching your hips. He caressed the material there with both hands, each of you still pretending as if the fabric of the dress was any concern.

"See what I mean?" you whispered. Slowly, he nodded, but his eyes remained pinned on your body, his gaze drinking in every inch of you, committing you to memory.

"Fuck, you look good," he murmured as if it pained him, letting the facade slip for a moment. Your heart fluttered in your chest and you began to play with the curls on the back of his head. He tilted his chin to look up at you, his lips parted and his cheeks a little flushed. Nothing else had happened since that afternoon in the ocean when he kissed you other than leaving you completely confused about the nature of your relationship. But in that moment, you couldn't care less. All you wanted was to feel his lips on yours again, to feel that spark of electricity over your skin, so you leaned down a fraction, your gaze flicking from his eyes to his lips, making your intention crystal clear.

Just as you were about to brush your lips against his, he pulled his head away and dropped his hands. Immediately, you straightened back up, embarrassment warming your face while you tried to figure out what you did wrong.

"We can't," was all he said, eyes drifting to look everywhere except at you. You nodded and quickly stepped back, shame coursing through your veins.

"I'm sorry," you said, your voice cracking a bit. You cleared your throat and repeated yourself then hurried out of the room to get changed.

Joel called your name, asking you to come back, but you were too ashamed. Instead, you slipped back into the bathroom and practically ripped the purple dress off out of anger, vowing to tuck it way back into the depths of your closet so you wouldn't have to look at it the entire rest of the trip.

By the following morning, you forced yourself to brush off the awkwardness with Joel from the day before. You had three more weeks to spend with him pretending to be his fianceé and you refused to let one uncomfortable situation dictate the rest of your time there. So you plastered on a big smile for him the next morning when you exited your room with your bags in each hand. You could tell he wasn't sure how to react. He tiptoed lightly around you, making sure he didn't even accidentally touch you as you both moved around the hotel room collecting everything you would need.

In the elevator ride down to the lobby, he tried to bring it up but you cut him off before he could even finish his sentence.

"Did you remember your seasick medication?"

He floundered for a moment, scanning your face for any sign of bitterness, but he found none. If you wanted to pretend it never happened, that was fine by him.

"Yeah," he finally said, and you nodded before turning to stare straight ahead at the closed elevator doors.

He didn't try to mention it again.

When you arrived at the dock with the sun just beginning to peek over the water, casting the ocean in a beautiful golden hue, you felt your mood instantly improve. You were in fucking paradise and nothing was going to ruin that for you.

The crew was loading up your belongings and you were chatting with Glenn and Mary about how excited you were when Glenn's phone pinged in his hand.

He tugged his glasses out of his shirt pocket so he could read the text and he let out a disappointed groan.

"Ian's got food poisoning, Harry says," he told the three of you, "they can't make it. That's a damn shame."

"Oh, that's terrible. I hope it's not too serious," Mary said sympathetically.

You heard the telltale sound of heels tapping on the wooden planks behind you and you turned around to see the rest of the couples, along with Trevor and Brooks, arriving. The crew hurried past to assist with their bags and for the first time all day, Joel wrapped an arm around your waist. Your muscles stiffened at first and he felt it. Guilt washed over him before he cleared his throat and lifted his other hand in greeting. Zoe spotted you and waved excitedly, her energy just as infectious in the early morning hours.

When you spotted Tammy a few yards behind Zoe, your smile faltered a bit. You still hadn't brought up what you learned to Joel. Did you even have a right to know about his past with Tammy? You thought you did given how it could blow your cover, but maybe it was just gossip.

Still, it got under your skin.

When Zoe greeted you with a hug, you caught the look of distaste Tammy shot to Lynne before turning her head to gaze out over the ocean. It couldn't just be in your head at this point. There was definitely something going on with these women that you were not privy to yet.

Joel took your hand and lead you aboard the yacht, once again feeling the discomfort at his touch radiating off you.

He handled everything all wrong, he knew that almost immediately. It was all his fault. He was weak that day in the ocean and couldn't stop himself from kissing you, and now you were confused and hurt, but there was a reason he didn't want a traditional sugar baby agreement. He needed to keep his eye on the prize and stay focused, not standing there pretending to admire the lavish sitting room Glenn was showing everyone while wondering if you were wearing the lingerie he purchased for you.

How the hell did you manage to weave your way into his psyche so fast?

After the tour of the yacht, which was luxurious and had three levels, you were shown your private rooms, all of which included your own bathroom and a window so you could admire the sea from bed.

Joel ticked his jaw to the side as he looked around while you began to unpack a few of your things.

"I can sleep on the floor," he said. Your back was to him but he saw your hands freeze inside your bag before you took a deep breath and continued to pull out your toiletries.

"Don't be ridiculous. We can manage two nights in the same bed."

Even though you couldn't see him, he nodded anyway. He should just say it. Say he's sorry. Sorry for all of it. Sorry for leading you on, sorry for hurting your feelings, sorry for staring at your legs and wondering what they would feel like wrapped around his head.

The guests slowly made their way into the indoor sitting area once they settled in. If there wasn't an entire wall made of glass so you could look out the back of the yacht, you would have thought you were in another mansion. The carpet was plush and white under your feet. When you saw how pristine it was, you almost wanted to ask if you should take your sandals off, but instead you took Joel's lead and left them on.

There were three long, white couches that formed a U shape around a large, cherry wood coffee table. Above your heads the ceiling was dotted and lined with soft lights, giving the whole room a very warm and inviting glow. Abstract art hung on the walls but there wasn't much space: any wall that bordered the sea was made of glass. And across from the couches, built up against an interior wall was a bar that appeared to be stocked with every liquor and mixer known to man.

The crew had poured glasses of champagne and mimosas and left them on the bar. They were standing at attention against the wall near the kitchen, waiting to jump into action if need be.

Joel picked up two mimosas and handed you one. You nearly declined when you noted the early hour but decided to take it anyway with a quiet thanks.

"Meant to tell you, I like your nails," Joel said, pointing to your fingers wrapped around your glass. You gave him a small smile before looking back down at your glittery, hot pink nails.

"Thanks," you said, wishing you felt as excited about them as you were yesterday.

Glenn clapped his hands loudly, commanding the attention of the room. He let everyone know breakfast would be served on the dining room on the deck in ten minutes and encouraged people to grab a drink before heading out.

The moment the glass doors were opened, your senses were overcome with fresh, sea-salt air and an occasional fine mist that was being vented above the partially enclosed area.

Everyone found a seat around the square table that was already set with beautiful white plates trimmed in gold with matching bowls and mugs. When the crew began to place trays of fruit, baked goods, meats, eggs, and yogurt on the table, you leaned into Joel and tapped his shoulder.

"Did you take your medicine?" you whispered.

He smiled and put his glass down so he could fish the bottle of pills from his pocket.

"Thank you. That woulda been ugly," he joked, making you giggle before reaching for the tray of fruit. His chest warmed at the sound, pleased to see you smiling again but damn near giddy that he was the one to make you laugh.

You weren't terribly hungry but you nibbled at some fruit and yogurt, knowing you should at least try to eat something if you were expected to keep up with the way the group drank.

After about an hour at the table where you nursed the same mimosa Joel had given you earlier, Glenn stood up and suggested the men go to the top floor for cigars and poker.

"Looks like it's just us, ladies," Mary said gleefully when all the men began to place their cloth napkins on the table and, collecting their own drinks, stood to follow Glenn up the stairs.

"You good?" Joel asked softly before he left. You quickly nodded and shooed him off. You were still feeling rather vulnerable from being shot down the day before but you could feel yourself coming around. Maybe some distance and distraction would help.

If only you knew what the day had in store.

By noon the sun was blazing, the heat seared your skin as you laid out on your lounge chair with the other women. You could smell the faint hint of cigar smoke and hear the laughter from the men up above, but you couldn't see them from where you were. Occasionally you would hear Joel's voice, his southern twang becoming deeper and louder the more he drank and you found yourself smiling.

You were at least three drinks deep and you felt completely relaxed. All your concerns drifted away, getting twisted in the breeze and floating over the water. You even managed to find Tammy somewhat tolerable as you listened to her tell the group about her teenage son and a girl he was dating.

Maybe Zoe was wrong. Maybe it was just a rumor. Tammy seemed to be happy and fulfilled. She had what appeared to be a very strong marriage with Scott and they had two boys. By all accounts, they appeared to be a very happy family.

"I think I'm gonna take a break in the shade," Zoe announced, fanning herself while she picked up her things.

"Okay, dear. There should be chilled bottles of water out but if not, just ask the bartender. He can get you whatever you need," Mary told her while she adjusted her enormous sun hat.

"I think I'll join you," you said, suddenly feeling like your mouth was coated in sand. You couldn't even remember drinking any water since the hotel that morning.

The three other women waved politely when you stood and followed Zoe back inside where the air conditioning embraced you like an old friend.

"Oh, god, that feels nice," you groaned. The room was empty except for one bartender who was taking stock of the liquor with a clipboard. He quickly set it aside when Zoe approached and asked for two waters. You picked a couch and set your things down next to you with a sigh, then thanked Zoe when she handed you a frosted glass bottle of water.

Both of you practically chugged your respective drinks in under a minute, then giggled when you realized how crazy you must have looked.

"We gotta pace ourselves," Zoe said with a grin and a shake of her head. "It's gonna be a long night. Zach said we aren't supposed to reach the island til six, and with the time it will take for the crew to set up and cook, we'll be eating dinner late."

"That means we'll be getting back here even later," you said, finishing her thought.

She nodded and tossed her hair over her shoulder, her eyes a little glassy and her cheeks a little pink, either from the sun or alcohol or both. But based on the way she couldn't stop laughing at the smallest thing, you suspected alcohol was the bigger reason. When she glanced at you and erupted into a fit of giggles again without having to say a word, you knew for sure she was a little past tipsy.

"What?" you laughed, her silly mood too contagious to resist.

"Nothing, nothing," she said with a wave, then seemed to think about it for a second before giving you a mischievous grin and leaned forward, cupping her hand around her mouth in an attempt to muffle her voice, but it didn't work.

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

You shrugged and nodded. "Sure."

She giggled again, slapping her palm over her mouth and tucking her chin against her chest. You frowned and laughed at how ridiculous she was acting and wondered what on earth she was about to say.

She cupped her hand over her mouth again and whispered loudly, "how is Joel in bed?"

Your eyebrows shot up in surprise at her question. Instantly, images and daydreams of what you thought Joel would be like in bed flashed across your mind. What the weight of his body would feel like pressed against yours, pushing you into the mattress. How his lips would feel wrapped around your nipple, his teeth teasing and pinching your skin. Would he kiss you slow and deep or passionate and needy? Would he groan your name when he buried his cock deep inside you? What was his favorite position?

All these things and more you had found yourself wondering more times than you could count since a few days ago in the ocean. He had completely taken over your mind to the point where you could hardly remember the girl you were when you first met, sitting in his office ready to storm out because of his abrupt and seemingly unpleasant nature.

You cleared your throat as you bought some time to scrounge up a lie.

"He's... good. Really good," you added. She nodded excitedly and rolled her wrist, urging you to continue. "He's attentive and... he doesn't rush." You could feel your cheeks heating up when you realized you were just telling her what you wished he was like, what you wished any of the men you had been with were like, only to always fall short in some way or another. "I'm not saying he can't be-" you glanced over your shoulder before lowering your voice, "rougher, because he can. There's been times I can hardly move after," you giggled and she gasped enthusiastically. "But he's always so sweet when we're done. He takes such good care of me, gets me whatever I need, tells me how beautiful I am." You swallowed, feeling only slightly pathetic at how you were turning yourself on with your own lies.

"How about Zach? What's he like?" you asked, changing the subject. Her face fell and she waved you off before taking another sip of water.

"Girl, c'mon, you know the answer to that."

Now it was your turn to gasp but the corners of your mouth twitched into a playful smile.

"What do you mean?"

She rolled her eyes at you and sighed. "You've seen him. He's not hiding anything spectacular, I promise you that."

Zach was significantly older than Zoe. Their age difference especially showed when he stood after sitting for a while, groaning deeply and usually needing a hand to steady himself, or when his phone alarm went off at various times during the day, volume practically maxed out, reminding him to take some pill. But you never got the impression Zoe was unhappy until now.

"So why are you with him?" you asked. Of course, you had to assume his money had something to do with it, but her answer was still not what you expected.

"Can you keep a secret?" she asked conspiratorially. You nodded and leaned forward. Zoe glanced around to make sure nobody else snuck into the massive sitting room before she whispered, "I'm a sugar baby."

"Y-you're... what?" you asked, your voice wavering. Fuck, you really wished you didn't have that last mojito. You were trying to keep your cool but your vision was swimming and your mind was buzzing.

"I think Tammy and Lynne suspect something. I think that's why they don't like me," she said, leaning back and gazing out to the ocean. "Nobody knows for sure, you can't say a word," she said, fear suddenly gripping her. "If Glenn found out, it would be over for Zach. Glenn holds way too much weight on family shit. He already isn't thrilled with our age difference," she sighed, gazing down at her freshly manicured nails. "But between you and me, I hope he doesn't get this land. He wouldn't be able to afford me anymore. Like, I want what's best for him and I want him to be happy, but this relationship is running its course, if you know what I mean."

"Yeah," you breathed, "wow, I had no idea."

She shrugged and picked up her phone. "It's really not a bad gig, but it would be a hell of a lot better if the guys looked like Joel instead of Zach," she giggled.

You laughed softly and took another sip of your water, your mind reeling. The pressure to pull off this little stint was mounting. Joel wasn't the only one who noticed Glenn was a man with family values and tried to do the exact same thing, and now more than ever Joel's alleged affair with Tammy seemed like a huge loose end that could jeopardize your whole lie.

Your nerves got the best of you. Looking back on it, you should have realized that before having two more drinks with lunch, but Zoe's bombshell left you rattled and you got carried away.

Around four in the afternoon, the men returned from the upper deck with their skin pink and their shirts a little damp from sweat, but they were all smiles when they stepped out onto the deck to find their partners with the exception of Glenn's sons, who came by themselves.

Joel didn't notice at first how tipsy you were because you did your best to hide behind a pair of sunglasses and a large hat. He sat down on the lounge chair near yours, looking like he had a couple drinks himself but not nearly as many as you. He appeared relaxed and at ease, no doubt pleased by whatever progress he made with Glenn in the past few hours.

"How's everythin' goin' down here?" he asked, his eyes scanning around the crowd of people who were beginning to mingle.

"Good," you said, "I found out some very interesting information that-" you hiccupped and covered your mouth, "that you would find interesting."

He raised an eyebrow at you and smirked. "Interesting information that I would find interesting?"

"Mhmm," you said, nodding vigorously this time. "I will tell you later," you added, unnecessarily enunciating each word, "when we're alone," you whispered, not realizing your voice was still rather loud. It didn't matter anyway, nobody could overhear you when the guests were all breaking up into groups and talking over each other, but still.

He grinned and glanced around the deck, "Alright, then," he replied. He was about to say more when his eyes landed on someone over your shoulder and he stiffened. You were too slow on the uptake to see what Tammy was mouthing to him, but when he subtly nodded and stood up, you glanced behind you to see her walking discreetly into the yacht, leaving her clueless husband behind.

"I'll be right back," he said to you, and before you could say anything to stop him, he strolled off in her wake, leaving you all alone.

You could blame the alcohol and pretend you weren't jealous, but you were absolutely fuming. Zoe had to be right. How could he be so careless? Did he really think nobody would notice? How could he not tell you about his history with Tammy when it could all blow up in your faces?

Then something occurred to you that made your stomach roll and you had to take a few deep breaths to fight back the wave of nausea.

What if they were still having an affair?

Is that why he didn't want to take things further with you? We can't, he had said. Was he fucking another man's wife this entire time?

You never felt so stupid in your life. Of course, that's what it was. No wonder he put a clause in your contract stating that sex was not to be part of the agreement. How fucking pathetic of him to act so faithful to another man's wife.

What if he was fucking her right now?

You stood up too quickly and lost your balance, but fortunately an arm shot out to steady you.

"Hey, you okay?"

You glanced up over your sunglasses to find Brooks, one of Glenn's sons, standing there with his hand wrapped around your arm looking concerned.

Quickly, you shook your head and forced a smile. "Yeah, the sun got to me, I think," you told him, then after another moment you realized his grip around your bicep hadn't loosened. Your eyes slowly drifted down to his hand and you gave your arm a little tug. Finally, he released you and you gave him a polite chuckle before fixing your cover up so you would feel less exposed in your bikini under his gaze.

"My dad says we should be reaching the island soon," he said, shoving his hands into the pockets of his board shorts. They were neon blue and hung low on his hips. Almost too low, as if he were trying to draw your attention to it.

"Yeah, it sounds great. Should be fun," you mumbled, glancing around the deck, still not finding Joel or Tammy.

"Ever been here before?" he asked, tilting his head to the side. You shook your head.

"To Fiji? No," you answered.

"I'm surprised. It's a pretty common vacation spot for people in Joel's circle," Brooks said. If you were a little less distracted you might have picked up on the fact that he said Joel's circle and not your circle, but you didn't. You were too fixated on your anger and you were fueled by one too many drinks.

"Yeah - would you excuse me? I need to use the restroom," you said, gathering your things in your arms.

"Sure thing," he said, taking a step back so you could brush past him. "See you at dinner."

You gave him what you hoped was a polite wave before storming towards the glass doors that led into the yacht, but just when you were a few feet away, the door swung open and Tammy stepped out. It could have been your paranoia, but you thought she had a little smirk on her face when she passed by you and after that, all you saw was red.

You breezed through the sitting room. The only other people around were two servers who were quietly packing up dishware to take to the beach, then Joel suddenly appeared in the entryway that led back to your room wearing a different shirt than before and you clenched your teeth.

"Hey, was just comin' to get you," he said, not yet picking up on your anger. "You should get ready for dinner, we'll be there soon."

You narrowed your eyes at him and crossed your arms, uncaring that you could be overheard when you spat, "whatever you say, daddy," your tone clipped and dripping with disdain.

The muscles in his jaw twitched and his nostrils flared when he finally sensed your energy. He looked up, catching the eye of one of the crew members, who quickly averted his gaze and pretended not to have overheard what you said, then grabbed your arm.

You had the presence of mind not to fight him and cause a scene, but once he hauled you halfway down the hallway towards some privacy, you wrenched your arm out of his hold.

"The hell's the matter with you?" he seethed. "Are you fuckin' drunk?"

You rolled your shoulder, trying to fix your coverup that slipped down your arm while staring daggers at him.

"What's the matter with me?" you repeated, "what about you? What are you doing? Do you really think nobody sees what's going on?"

He furrowed his brow in confusion and made a face. "What are you talkin' 'bout?"

You took a menacing step forward and lowered your voice. "I'm talking about Tammy, Joel."

His eyes flashed with something you couldn't identify and you hardly had a chance to react before he grabbed your arm again and practically dragged you the rest of the way down the hall towards your room. Once you were safely inside, he slammed the door behind him and stalked over to you, making you stumble backwards in surprise.

"What the hell do you know 'bout that?"

You scoffed and rolled your eyes, trying to push down the wave of envy that bubbled up. "So it is true."

"Answer my fuckin' question," he growled, his eyes steely and his breath coming in quick. You shrugged and tried your best not to look nervous while being the target of his wrath.

"That you're having an affair," you said simply.

He stared down at you for what felt like hours before he exhaled and stepped back. He pinched the bridge of his nose and shook his head before murmuring, "who told you?"

"Zoe," you sneered, taking one step backwards so you could rest your head against the wall. "Guess that means Zach knows, too."

"Fuck," he grumbled, then dragged his palms down his face in agony. "Fuck!" he said again, but shouted it that time and pounded his fist on top of a dresser.

You watched him nervously as he paced around the room, his anger beginning to sober you up a bit.

"You should have told me," you snapped. He swiveled around to look at you, his jaw so tight he could have cracked a tooth. "You could have ruined this entire thing but you're lucky I was quick on my feet and covered for you."

"You only need to know what I say you need to know," he said darkly, sending a shiver down your spine. "You were hired to do a job, so fuckin' do it."

You swallowed the lump in your throat when you saw the look in his eye.

"I'm trying, but you-"

"No," he said, cutting you off and closing the distance between you. "You were hired to look pretty and act like you're in love with me. That's fuckin' it. Everythin' else is none of your goddamn business."

You were just digging your own grave at that point so you figured there was no harm in tossing one more barb his way.

"Suppose it would have been too much to ask for you to at least tell me why you left sex out of our arrangement, but at least I know now it's not me. It's 'cause you're getting it somewhere else."

He inhaled sharply, his scowl cutting you in half.

"That's what this is 'bout?" he asked, stepping even closer. "You got your feelin's hurt yesterday?" His tone implied insincere pity and it sent a jolt of embarrassment through you but you remained quiet and held his gaze. He somehow had managed to cage you in against the wall, his arms bracing around your head as he leaned in closer. You could now smell a hint of toothpaste on his breath from when he came in earlier, without you, and you couldn't stop your next words from tumbling out.

"Did you bring her back here and fuck her in the bed I'm going to sleep in tonight?"

He smirked. He fucking smirked and you never in your life wanted to slap someone more.

"Jealous, baby?" he cooed. You shook your head but he just continued to give you that smug look. "Oh, I think you are. And you know what else?" He was taunting you now and you should have pushed him away but you just couldn't bring yourself to do it. He leaned in so his lips brushed against your ear when he whispered, "I think you would let me fuck you right now, if I wanted to."

Tears sprung up in your eyes unexpectedly so you quickly slid them shut. You refused to let him have the satisfaction of your humiliation.

Finally, he pushed himself off the wall and gave you space so you could breathe. With your eyes still closed, he spoke again from the other side of the room.

"I was gone ten minutes. Gimme some credit. I ain't fuckin' anyone in ten minutes."

You heard him yank open the closet and you managed to crack open your eyelids with a pathetic sniffle, watching as he tossed a black dress onto the bed.

"Get ready. We'll be leavin' for the island soon." Then disappeared through the door.

It only took about five minutes before Joel calmed down when the guilt crept in again. Once more he handled another situation with you as poorly as possible and to top it off, he was fairly certain he brought you to tears when he left.

He was so fucking stupid. He should have just told you the truth. He should have told you he hadn't slept with Tammy in over a year and what they had was over, but he just had to keep pushing and pushing. How did he keep making mistake after mistake? You weren't wrong. He should have given you a heads up about Tammy, but he never thought anyone else knew. And instead of admitting it, he lashed out, taking his anger out on you when it wasn't even your fault to begin with. It was his, for being careless and stupid enough for others to find out.

When you emerged from your shared room looking refreshed and fucking stunning in the dress he had rudely thrown onto the bed, he almost apologized. He wanted to, but one look at you told him you were not at all ready to hear it, so he swallowed his words and gave you some space. Well, as much space as he could allow when you were surrounded by ten other people on a deserted beach at sunset eating dinner.

He resisted the urge to drape his arm around the back of your chair or brush his fingers against yours where they rested on the table. Please forgive me, I'm sorry, he kept thinking every time he glanced your way, but you avoided all eye contact and focused on the conversation around you.

During dinner, he noticed you had not one but two more drinks and hardly touched a thing on your plate. He wanted to say something, he wanted to encourage you to at least eat a little more, but he couldn't risk setting you off again, especially in front of everyone. So he bit his tongue and smiled politely when he needed to but mentally he was scrambling to come up with a way to make things up to you.

You stretched your neck with a sigh at one point, drawing his attention, his eyes lingering on the way your fingers trailed down your throat, then watched when you pressed two fingertips into a sore spot on the base of your neck.

How could you ever think he wouldn't want you? Of course, he wanted you. Anyone in their right mind would want you. The second he laid eyes on you it was all he could think about. How could you not see that?

Fortunately, the entire group seemed to be tired so nobody really noticed or cared that you and Joel were not very talkative. On the boat ride back, he instinctively reached for your hand when the boat swayed a little in the choppy waters, but you quickly pulled your arm out of reach and turned away.

It was past ten and the waves were rockier than earlier. He wanted to thank you again for reminding him to take his motion sickness pill but he refrained. Fuck, what he wouldn't give to go back to that part of the day and do everything over.

When the boat reached the yacht, you practically leapt off and jogged back inside, his heart sinking in his chest at your retreating form. He offered his good nights and slowly followed you with his head hung low and his hands shoved in his pockets, but when he finally reached your room he realized the real reason you had been in such a hurry.

The moment he opened the door he could hear you retching in the bathroom and his eyes widened. He closed the door behind him quickly and he rushed to the bathroom, pausing on the other side of the door, unsure what to do or say.

"Are you alright?" he finally asked.

"Does it sound like I'm alright?" you shot back before gagging once again. He winced.

"I'll get you some ginger ale and crackers," he said, spinning around the room until he found a mini refrigerator stocked with a few necessities. As expected, some seasick items were supplied, and he picked out a few things he thought might help. Setting them down on your end table, he turned around and scratched his chin.

While he waited for you to emerge, he got himself changed into more comfortable clothes and then went in search of your own pajamas to lay out for you when you were ready. In one of the drawers he found a few motion sickness bags and he left one out for you when an idea struck. Quickly, he rummaged through his pants from earlier and triumphantly pulled out a little plastic bottle of pills.

When was the last time he ever tried this hard for a woman?

Just as he was about to call out to you again, you swung open the door. Your face looked pale and your eyes were red but you remained defiant and refused to glance his way. You spotted the clothes he laid out for you, and then the items on your bedside, and he thought he saw a flicker of affection in your eyes before you blinked and it was gone.

"Here," he said, holding out the bottle for you. "Take one of these, it'll help."

You stared at it for a few moments as you weighed your options, then begrudgingly snatched it from his hand and tapped one out into your palm. Tossing the bottle onto his side of the bed, you swallowed the pill with the water he set out for you and picked up your pajamas before retreating back into the bathroom for some privacy.

By the time you had changed, Joel had already switched the television on low to some bright sitcom he thought you might like and had turned down the bed. He sat on his side of the mattress, shamefully staring down at his fingers laced together in his lap, then glanced up when he heard the door open and the light turn off.

"Thank you," you murmured before sliding into bed and pulling the covers up to your chin.

"You're welcome," he said softly. He watched you silently for a few minutes while the corners of your mouth twitched occasionally at something that was said on the television, then he cleared his throat, warning you he was about to speak.

"I'm sorry," he said, brows pinching together. You looked up at him in surprise but said nothing, so he continued. "I shoulda told you 'bout Tammy. You were right. And I shouldn't've said... that other stuff," he added weakly, looking down at his hands again. "I ain't any good at this," he continued, pursing his lips in thought. "I push people away, I say all the wrong shit, always have, and now I'm doin' it to you. And it's... it ain't right."

You scanned his face, your resolve crumbling when you saw the sincerity behind his eyes.

"It's okay," you finally said, your voice sounding so small from underneath the plush comforter.

He shook his head. "No, it ain't."

"No, but I forgive you, anyway."

He finally dragged his eyes up to meet yours and smiled. "Thank you, darlin'."

You sighed and readjusted a bit under the covers. "I'm sorry, too."

"Nothin' for you to be sorry for."

"I got too drunk and embarrassed you. It won't happen again."

He scoffed and gave you a look of disbelief. "Half the people on this boat got just as drunk as you. These people are borderline alcoholics," he said, making you giggle a little. He grinned, his heart soaring when he heard the sound. "None of 'em probably even remember we went to dinner."

You laughed a little louder at that and he joined in with a chuckle under his breath. He could feel his muscles relaxing, his nerves settling. He may have just salvaged things yet.

Joel leaned back and tucked his legs under the covers, watching the sitcom but not really absorbing anything. In the past, when he let his mind wander, it was not exactly the way he pictured being in bed with you, but it was still nice.

"Things are over with me 'n her, by the way," he said after a long, comfortable silence. Your body stiffened and you tipped your head in his direction.

"Why didn't you just tell me that to begin with?"

He grinned and shrugged. "Maybe I liked it when you got jealous."

Your cheeks flared with heat and you pulled the bedding up tighter around you.

"Asshole," you muttered. He laughed, making you smile.

"I deserved that."

He could tell when you began to drift off. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw your head tilt towards your shoulder and your perfect lips part ever so slightly. You began to snore so softly, it almost seemed fake. No one looked and sounded that beautiful when they slept. Especially after being sick. But of course, you did. He should have known.

Joel reached over and flicked the lights off, washing the room in the television's glow, then slid deeper underneath the covers. Quietly, he turned the TV off and waited until his eyes adjusted to the darkness before rolling his head to the side to look at you.

What the hell were you doing to him?

It had only been a week and he could already feel himself falling, already doing things out of character and feeling more at ease in general.

So what was one more thing?

Carefully, so as not to wake you, he inched forward and wrapped one arm around your middle, pausing to see if you would stir. When your breath remained steady and even, he got a little closer and pulled.

You took a deep breath and sighed, then rolled onto your side. He closed the remaining space between you and tucked you against his chest while snaking one arm under your pillow, the other still around your waist.

The last thing he remembered thinking was how your hair smelled like coconut and vanilla, a comforting scent he wanted to wrap himself in that was so soft and addicting, it put him right to sleep.

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[writingoddess1125]

You tell the Old Men you're Pregnant + Extra

Shanks, Buggy, Mihawk

Just Fluffy Fluff!

Also to those who are saying "They aren't even old!" Blah Blah- I know. I'm using Old Ironically cause it's funny. Middle Aged just don't have the same ring to it and I would/could sub in DILF but I was trying to be good.

Anywho! Enjoy!!

Shanks

So drinking and unprotected sex can lead to pregnancy- who knew... Panicking yoh decide its best to just rip that bandage off.

"Shanks- I'm pregnant"

Shanks will stare at you for a while, before starting to laugh- Hard. He will bend over laughing as his panic response sets in-

"Shanks this isn't funny! I-"

He grabs your hand and pulls you close as he held you still laughing now much softer.

"You're the best things that has ever happened to me-" He will whisper in your ear and hold you close.

This man acts like he can shit gold and piss roses when he finds out your pregnant. Nothing can get him down or damper his mood.

Even though you are miserable and sick most of this pregnancy- for almost the whole length of your pregnancy you are vomiting or nauseous so Shanks has to make you eat and buys things to help you.

"Shanks I'm not hungry..." You grumble as you sit on the bed. Shanks hanging you a cup of tea and some soft bread.

"I know love- But you haven't had anything solid in 3 days. Let's get this bread a try?" He says softly, You nodding and eating what you could and sipping of the flowery tea.

He will eventually find something that you can eat without getting sick and buy as much of it as possible. He may grow tired of the smell but will never complain.

When you go into labor he is still a little too excited at the prospect of his child being brought into the world. Will comfort you the whole way through but is more interested in seeing his child.

Buggy

It was a complete accident- You blamed the trip to the hot springs two months previously.. being pregnant with Buggy's child was definitely not what you had planned for yourself or him.

"Buggy I'm pretty sure I'm um.. pregnant"

You beeak it to him after a good day and even set out his favorite sweets to try and make this as soft as possible. Buggy just stares at you, His face completely unreadable as he just stares at you.

"Buggy?..." You are now anxious as he stays silent and stone faced- However he walks over to you lightly and just wraps his arms around you. Not saying a word but you can feel how tense his body is- He's scared?...

"We will be fine.. All of us. How do you feel about it?..." He will mumbled- This being so different to how he normally is as he is feeling scared in a new way.

After the initial shock of it all he will be so over the top its not even funny. You might as well be made out of glass and carrying a paper child cause that's how he treats you. Infront of the crew while he is less likely to be as openly affectionate he is still just as protective.

Understands physical insecurities so will never insult or even bring up your appearance as your body goes through changes. Hell have mercy on the person who even accidently hints at your bigger weight since he will go ape-shit and throw the biggest tantrum of all temper tantrums before brutally killing whoever said it.

He is very Very touchy- his hand has to always be on you at all times and so his detached hand has been known to stay either on your lower back, or on your arm like some horror themed arm band.

In private he is very thoughtful especially as you get near the due date.

"Sorry pressure" You hissed in discomfort rolling to your side to receive some pressure from your back. Buggy getting up calmly and moving you to stand on your feet. Which was definently not something you wanted-

That was till Buggy stood behind you as his hand detached and went under your large belly gently listing it up which relived the pressure from your back. You sigh and lean against him as he does this. Will hold you stomach up for a solid hour ignoring the sorness in his hands for you-

Will feed you constantly any food he can find, Anything you want he has made for you. If a food makes you sick magically the plate seems to be thrown out to open sea.

Will also be an emotional wreck when his children are born- If you are angry at him or scream while in labor he will take it- if not give a few quips back. However all is forgotten once the kids arrive.

Mihawk

While you believe it was an accident- It was not by Mihawks standards. He has been planning this for months since you are the only one he sees worthy of officially carrying his children.

"Mihawk I'm pregnant" You say bracing for at least a level of irritation but instead he looked pleased. Reaching a hand out to caress your belly and stare at you fondly.

"I am happy to hear that"

Will take blame in saying he must have not been careful and that its too late now and will be happy to take full and total responsibility.

Is a textbook kind of man so will have book pages memorized on what you should be doing. How many more calories needed for the baby, stretches, the healthiest food. Aka he's fucking annoying-

You will be in the kitchen with a fork in a cake eating, feeling the wave of low blood sugar that has clouded your mind and tired of the veggies or fresh fruit that Mihawk had shoved down your throat- Mid bite the cake was pulled away by Mihawk.

"It is bad for you to have-" Will pause at your glare as you step very close to him, Grabbing his beard with iron clasp hands and yank him down to your level which make his eyes go wide.

"Mihawk... If you don't hand over that cake- I'm going to take your sword and shove it so far up your ass that the handle will be in your mouth" You all but hiss, Making Mihawk lower the cake down and hand it to you silently.

Will learn that maybe not everything has to go to textbook. Despite being a bit of a hardass for your safety he will give you massages, rub your feet help decorate to your liking. If you're sick will help you the entire time in getting better.

Rubs lotion on any tender spots or stretch marks and hums a tune you've never heard before.

Will be there with every step of the way during the labor. Supportive and comforting the whole time his child is being brought into the world, If complications will be a rock for you and will pick you if it came down to it.

[mindfulstudyquest]

❥﹒♡﹒☕﹒ 𝗯𝗲 𝘀𝗺𝗮𝗿𝘁𝗲𝗿 ( 𝗮𝗰𝗮𝗱𝗲𝗺𝗶𝗰𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗯𝘂𝘁 𝗻𝗼𝘁 𝗼𝗻𝗹𝘆 !! )

𝟭. improve your writing skills ( ✒️ )

i feel that not everyone has the perception of how important it is to know how to write. you don't have to be a poet, nor the new emily brontë, but fluid, conscious, rich writing makes the difference. really. you could write a page without saying anything at all, but if that damn page is written good and smoothly, then you can be sure that you will get extra points. take the time to improve your writing skills, the best advice i have for doing so is reading. read as much as you can. read novels (non-fiction in this case doesn't help because the content is preferred rather than the form), read contemporary authors – you don't necessarily have to read sophocles' tragedies, but read quality stuff. expand your vocabulary, your knowledge of syntax, learn to use punctuation! and then write, tell stories, write love letters, write reviews of films, books, cultural festivals, open a blog on tumblr and write to practice, reread what you write ad nauseam, until it is perfect, until the form of your essay is pulitzer prize worthy.

bonus some of my favourite authors (tell me in the comments about yours!): ian mcewan, banana yoshimoto, haruki murakami, george orwell, josé saramago, albert camus, khaled hosseini, hanya yanagihara

𝟮. develop critical thinking ( 💭 )

if you have always studied passively by absorbing information and vomiting it onto a test sheet then you have wasted your time. taking on information is not enough, you need to know how to rework it and develop your own idea about it. especially in the arts and literature one may disagree with certain information provided by a textbook. developing critical thinking is not easy, especially due to the school system that teaches us to standardize thinking. always consult all available sources on a given topic, compare them, analyze contradictions. it might be difficult and tiring – our brain spends more energy processing two conflicting pieces of information than processing two pieces of information that agree – but it will be worth it. by practicing critical thinking and improving your argumentation skills, you will not only be able to improve in your studies, becoming able to present complex topics and make interdisciplinary connections, but also in daily life, you will become much less influenced and manipulated by external information.

𝟯. find yourself an interest ( 🌷 )

it could be anything, but find an interest that excites you and you enjoy and do research about it. watch videos, documentaries, read articles. it doesn't have to be school-related, it must be an external topic that you are passionate about and that allows you to rediscover the joy of studying and learning every time school seems to suffocate it. sometimes i'm not in the mood to study for exams, so i dedicate myself to my personal research and finally find my spark, my seek for knowledge. for example, my interest is true crime, it has always fascinated me since i was little, but yours could be wild animals, makeup, comics, ships, planes, ocean flora, literally anything. there is no constraint.

𝟰. analyze your mistakes and recognize your wrongs ( 🫒 )

there is no shame in making mistakes. everyone makes mistakes, we are human, but the real sin is getting bogged down in mistakes, refusing to acknowledge them, and continuing to make them again and again. we should be continually growing, continually discovering ourselves, both intellectually and emotionally. how many of you were the "gifted kid" when you were little and then grew up into burned out high school / uni students desperately seeking academic validation? there comes a time when talent isn't enough, you have to put in the effort, and this doesn't make you less intelligent or gifted, in fact, quite the opposite. dedicating time and attention to your personal and intellectual growth also means having to ruminate on your mistakes. it's scary, but it's the most effective way if you really want to improve. take a notebook and at the end of the day reflect on the highlights and the wrongs, what you could have done better, where you would like to push forward tomorrow, what you achieved today. did you make a mistake? first ask yourself why and then look for a way to solve the problem, make every bad moment a lesson, a brick on which to build the version of you you wanto to become tomorrow.

𝟱. don't be afraid of doing researches ( 🧃 )

the amount of fake news and misinformation online is appalling. opening any app like tiktok or instagram we are inundated with information that is often (not always, but not so rarely) inaccurate. don't be afraid to conduct your own research, if you have time to mindlessly scroll through tiktok you will also have five minutes to read an article regarding that information provided. don't know the meaning of a word? look it up before using it. not sure about a piece of information? check it before using it in your argumentation. in the age of immediate access to data we have no excuse to be superficial.

𝟲. master communication ( ♟️ )

mastering communication is essential in both personal and professional realms. it's the cornerstone of building meaningful relationships, whether it's conveying ideas effectively in academia or fostering connections in the workplace. developing strong communication skills not only enhances your ability to articulate thoughts but also empowers you to listen actively, empathize with others, and resolve conflicts constructively. ultimately, honing these skills cultivates confidence, credibility, and success in all aspects of life.

𝟳. push yourself out of your comfort zone ( 🧸 )

build your confidence. confidence is uncomfortable. don't be afraid of it. you are young, this is the right time to experiment, take risks, discover who you really are. this is the best time for you to do those things that you would otherwise never do, you don't want to regret later in life that you didn't accept that scholarship, that trip abroad, that job opportunity, because you didn't feel comfortable enough. do things that take you out of your comfort zone until everything becomes your comfort zone. go on solo dates, be a social butterfly, tell the girl at the bookstore you love her t-shirt, go to the theater alone, eat at a restaurant alone, take that trip. if it goes badly, you'll only have one funny story to tell.

𝟴. stay informed about the news (but not too much!) ( 🌍 )

this might be controversial, but: stay informed about the news, just don't overdo it. personally, i am an easily influenced person and i realized that being constantly exposed to the bad things happening in the world had drained me and made me terribly depressed. don't get me wrong, you need to be informed about what's happening in the world and in your country, just being constantly surrounded by horrible news repeated ad nauseam on TV programs is of no use. be aware.

[azrielslittleslut]

Can you do prompt 6 and 13 with azriel? Like hurt comfort where the reader has a panic attack or smth and he’s comforting them? Please and thank you if you do end up doing it 🥹🥹

#6- "Shh, you're safe. I won't let you go." & #13- "I'm not going to leave you. You're never going to have to suffer by yourself again. I promise."

Azriel x Reader

Summary: Reader goes on their first mission with Azriel, but it doesn't go well. This one is a little dark, but it contains fluff/comfort.

Warnings: 18+ due to language, mentions of violence, descriptions of a panic attack, vomit, angst, fluff/comfort, mentions of compartmentalizing

Word Count: 1.3k

prompt list

a/n: I broke up the second prompt sentence so the story would flow better. I hope you like it!

Enjoy!

The icy cold earth bit into your knees as they slammed onto the ground, your chest heaving as you fought for each breath. You dug your fingers into the soil, the jagged edges of pebbles and rocks cutting into your skin. You dared not glance down, unwilling to confront the sight of blood mingling with the muddy earth beneath your trembling fingers.

This was your first mission with Azriel, and you had been so excited that you were finally trusted enough by the spymaster and High Lord. The task seemed straightforward: investigate the attacks plaguing a secluded village on the fringes of the Night Court. You and Azriel had been sent in to gather intelligence before any more offensive plans were made.

You closed your eyes, trying to block out the memories that would no doubt haunt your nightmares from now on.

Children screaming. Females and males torn apart. Blood everywhere.

Azriel had left, once you got into the outskirts of the camp, slipping into the shadow to get a better look at things. You were to stay there and watch and signal him if anything went awry.

You hadn't been fast enough to signal him when the beast tore through the tree line, heading straight for the village full of innocent people. You hadn't been able to grab your weapons and charge after it as you listened to the villagers being ripped apart.

No, you had stood there frozen, unable to move as fear and horror washed through your body, locking your limbs in place.

After the beast had finished its rampage, it had disappeared back into the trees, and you had walked into the village on numb legs to search for survivors.

A toddler, clinging to its lifeless mother... screaming, crying, wailing. Covered in blood.

You bent forward as you vomited your breakfast up into the mud, the stinging bile in your throat a welcome feeling compared to the gaping hole in your chest.

This was your first mission, and you had failed them. You had royally fucked up.

The world started to spin as your chest began to heave rapidly. The trees around you started to turn black at the edges as you hyperventilated, unable to get in enough air.

A young male holding onto his leg that had been ripped from his body, covered in blood.

You tore at your leathers with those hands that were also covered in blood, trying to get them off, to get air into your body. "Off, off, off," you murmured into the darkness of the forest as you threw your useless weapons onto the ground.

A warm hand ran along your spine, a gentle caress. "Y/N," a deep voice murmured. Azriel's voice. "You're okay. It's okay." Shadows wrapped around you, cocooning the two of you in a protective shield.

His hand against your back was an anchor as the world spun around you. "The villagers-" you gasped out, your voice raw. "They're dead. They're all dead." You could hear the echoes of screams in your head, and you had the sudden urge to gouge your eardrums out with your dagger.

The dagger you should have used to help those villagers.

"I know. The beast was faster than you... than me. Rhys and Cassian are on the way to help clean up and hunt it down."

You vomited again, gagging on your own uselessness and stupidity. Once you were done, you started to sob as a raw scream ripped from your throat.

Azriel wrapped his hands around your middle, hauling you back until you were pressed against him. You could feel the rumble of his voice in his chest as he said, "Shh. You're safe. I won't let you go."

You continued to sob as he ran soothing hands along your back and arms. He turned you around so that you were facing him, but you didn't dare open your eyes. You couldn't bear to see the disappointment that no doubt lingered in his.

"I need you to breathe for me." He grabbed your hand and placed it on his leather-clad chest. You felt his chest move under your palm as he breathed in deeply. "Breathe with me. Focus."

You nodded as you followed his orders, trying to calm your breathing as you copied his. When your heart rate had slowed and your breathing had settled, you opened your eyes, preparing to see hazel eyes that were full of rage.

Instead, you were met with eyes that were filled with compassion and sorrow. Azriel's gaze was uncharacteristically soft as he took your face in his hands, running his thumbs along your cheeks. "There you are," he murmured.

You dug your fingers into his leathers, still trying to copy his breathing. "I can't stop hearing them. Seeing them. I failed them." Your voice was distant and broken.

"No, you didn't, Y/N. There was nothing you could do." He pulled your face up so you could look him in the eyes. "Nothing. You understand?"

You bit your lip as you nodded once. "I don't think I'm meant to be a spy. To go off with you on missions." Your eyes watered as the tears threatened to spill from your eyes. "I don't think I'm meant for this. I would understand if you wanted to leave me here and go back to Velaris."

Your panic and shame had overridden all common sense, and you couldn't stop the bleak words as they tumbled from your lips.

Azriel shook his head, his tangled black hair falling across his brow. "I'm not going to leave you." He placed his forehead against yours, and his calming scent filled your nostrils. "I would rather have a partner full of compassion than someone who feels nothing." He placed a hand against your rapidly beating heart. "Never be ashamed of your kind heart, Y/N. It's one of the many things I love about you."

He spoke each word with conviction, and the unwavering tone of his voice made you believe him, despite the pain you were feeling. "Will it ever get easier?" you asked, moving your hand up to cup his jaw.

Azriel swallowed, his throat bobbing with the movement. "I wish I could say it will. But I still see things, in my dreams." He covered your hand with his own, his scarred palm warm against yours. "You will eventually learn how to compartmentalize them, how to hide those feelings away during a mission so they can dealt with later. But, Y/N, I need you to promise me something."

The intensity of his gaze made the screaming in your ears go quiet. "Anything," you whispered.

"Never hide those feelings from me. Let me in. Don't run from me or hide. As long as I am with you, you're never going to have to suffer by yourself again. I promise."

You wrapped your arms around him then, not caring that you were both covered in blood, dirt, and sweat. You held onto him like a lifeline, clinging to him amidst the waves of panic that threatened to overwhelm you. "Thank you," you muttered into his shoulder.

From the distance, you heard male shouts. Rhys and Cassian had arrived, it seemed.

You pulled away from Azriel, wiping your face and straightening your leathers. "We need to help them," you said, forcing your voice into steadiness. You pushed those feelings down, knowing you needed to do what you could to finish the mission.

Azriel grabbed your wrists, stopping your movements. "They've got it handled. Let's go home. You need water and food." He stood and hauled you up after him. "Let me take care of you tonight."

For the first time, you offered him a smile. You let him pull you against him as his shadows swarmed you, preparing to take you home.

The world was indeed full of pain, horror, and heartbreak, but perhaps it could be bearable if you surrounded yourself with those who loved and cared about you. Azriel cared about you, and that was enough to make you smile as you were taken away from that wretched place that was full of blood and broken bodies.

[mrsshabana]

LOVE your work! If you could do a sequel for Kinktober 20 - Voyeurism, that'd be great! And take however long you'd need, I will wait however long is necessary. But I had an idea, and if you want to do however you want instead, that's fine. But if the reader found the cameras, Gyutaro obviously has access to do this, and Reader decided to have a little fun, because she's into voyeurism, too... All hot and bothered from wondering how long he's been watching her, she hatches a plan. She disables all but one camera, and leaves it angled so Gyutaro can't see anything but a message, on a piece of paper: I know who you are. Come by my room this Friday at 8 PM, or I'll report you. Gyutaro gets there, reader is in lingerie and has her own camera pointed towards the bed! (I feel like I said a lot and not enough...)

𝐕𝐨𝐲𝐞𝐮𝐫𝐢𝐬𝐦 𝐏𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐓𝐰𝐨

꒦꒷‧₊ Summary Gyutaro is still obsessed with you and still watches you on the cameras regularly. He got lucky not getting caught for so long, but his luck has finally run out. You've found the cameras and he has no choice but to confront you. What he thinks will be the most embarrassing moment of his life will become a blessing in disguise. ꒦꒷‧₊ Content Gyutaro x female!reader, 18+ MDNI, college au, voyeurism, Gyutaro is an incel and a pervert, vaginal sex, creampie ꒦꒷‧₊ Note 2.5k words. I have been so excited to write this, you have no idea. That kinktober entry was one of my favorites so I'm so happy you requested a sequel! ✧:･ﾟ→ Part one

The semester is finally coming to a close. It's bittersweet because Gyutaro will be relieved when finals are finally over and he can have a break, but he won't be able to see you in class anymore once they've ended. The only thing keeping him going is the secret glimpses into your private life that he has access to. The cameras.

Of course he never got rid of them, why would he? They've been up all semester and he's gotten away with it. Watching you through the cameras has become the highlight of his day and he doesn't plan to stop anytime soon.

All week he's been studying hard for finals, so much so that he hasn't had the time to watch you lately. Usually, he doesn't care too much about grades but he's slacked off so much this year that he has no choice but to do well on his exams.

So, reluctantly, he's temporarily given up his favorite pastime.

Today has been particularly rough though. Having studied all damn day and night, Gyutaro is in dire need of some stress relief. And of course, the first thing that comes to mind is the cameras.

"I guess I could spare some time," he mumbles to himself as he shoves his books to the side and pulls his laptop onto his desk.

A devilish smirk across his face as he closes out his tabs and opens the live recording application. So excited that his fingers are shaking as he double-clicks the icon.

But what welcomes him isn't the sight of you studying at your desk like he had expected. It's something quite different that makes his stomach turn.

𝐼 𝓀𝓃𝑜𝓌 𝓌𝒽𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒶𝓇𝑒. 𝒞𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒷𝓎 𝓂𝓎 𝓇𝑜𝑜𝓂 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝐹𝓇𝒾𝒹𝒶𝓎 𝒶𝓉 𝟪 𝒫𝑀 𝑜𝓇 𝑒𝓁𝓈𝑒.

"Fuck..." he curses under his breath, his heart beating wildly as he realizes the situation he got himself into.

Of course this happened, he was too careless. He should have known that he couldn't get away with spying on you for so long. But how did you find the cameras? And how did you figure out that he was the one who put them there?

"Goddammit, I'm screwed," he whimpers, eyes watering from a combination of guilt and frustration.

He knows he has no other choice but to confront you on Friday. Getting expelled or worse, possible criminal charges is not something that he is willing to risk.

The anxiety, stress, and guilt weigh down on him all night and he finds himself not able to fall asleep. It gets so bad that he even vomits a few times.

Tomorrow is Friday so he doesn't have to wait long to find out his fate. However, he's not sure if he should be happy to get it over with or dreading the fact that it's so soon. Either way, it will be unavoidable.

｡ﾟ•┈୨♡୧┈•ﾟ｡

Gyutaro stands in front of your door, palms sweating as the sound of his heart pounds in his ears. Thankfully for him, his sister wasn't home so he just let himself in.

Taking a deep breath, preparing himself mentally, he hesitantly knocks on your bedroom door. It's funny how he suddenly respects your privacy yet he's been violating it for months.

"Come in," you shout from inside, far too casually for the situation. You do know it's him, don't you?

For a moment Gyutaro contemplates turning around and running out of there to avoid the inevitable embarrassment of facing you. The girl he's had a crush on for the past two years who must surely hate his guts by now. He can't live with himself knowing that you must hate him. But a small glimmer of hope and delusion within him causes his body to move on its own and open the door.

Sitting on the edge of your bed with one leg crossed over the other, you look up at him strangely with no trace of anger or hatred.

"You actually came," you say with a soft smile, standing up to face him properly.

His Adam's apple bobs as he gulps audibly, he already feels himself panicking. He knows he's the one in the wrong so he has no one to blame but himself. But seeing you in person, up close in the same room where he had watched you touch yourself numerous times, he feels overcome by emotion. All he wants is your forgiveness, and he becomes helpless before you.

You watch as this once intimidating man crumbles. The expression on his face reeks of guilt and remorse, "I-I'm so sorry Y/N..." he rasps, voice sounding more hoarse than usual. "I fucked up so bad... I kn-know there ain't nothin' I can say to fix it... but I just don't want you to hate me," he croaks, "please..."

The display can only be described as pathetic, and to say you're shocked by his actions would be an understatement. Gyutaro has always been the type of guy to do what he wants without much regard for others, especially when it came to their opinions. And to be completely honest, you half expected him to walk in here and give you a half-assed apology. But seeing him turn soft like this lights a fire within you.

Without a word, you step closer to him and begin unbuttoning your top — revealing lacy black lingerie underneath.

Gyutaro's eyes widen and he shakes his head as if trying to wake up from a dream. When that doesn't work, he squeezes his eyes shut and then opens them again to ensure he sees what he thinks he's seeing. Could this possibly be real life?

By now you've finished fully unbuttoning your top, revealing your breasts to his gaze. This is the first time he hasn't seen them through a computer screen.

"What... what're you doing?" He gasps, the sight quite literally taking his breath away.

"I'm not mad at you if that was what you were thinking," you whisper seductively, looking up at him through your lashes.

Face completely red, he struggles to keep eye contact with you as his gaze keeps drifting down towards your chest.

"B-but... why?" He pants.

"Because," you press your body against him, pushing him against the door, "maybe it turned me on." Moving your hand down his body until you reach the bulge straining the front of his jeans. Gyutaro gasps, his cock twitching in response to your touch.

He's far too flustered to speak so you continue, "At first I was mad, but then I thought about everything you must have watched me do without my knowledge. And everything you must have done too," you lean closer, softly kissing his neck, "You jerk off to me, don't you?"

Gyutaro hesitantly nods, so flustered by your bold actions that he can barely manage to speak, "A-All the time..."

Pleased by his answer, you smirk in satisfaction — slowly undoing his pants and pulling out his cock, "How naughty of you. I wonder why you'd do such a thing," you playfully tease him as you begin stroking his length.

He moans softly and bites his lip, the feeling of your warm, soft hands wrapped around him makes him feel like he's in heaven. "I a-always liked you," he pants, "Ngh- I love watching you undress... ah, a-and when you touch yourself," he admits shamefully.

"Would you like to do it yourself?"

"Wh-what...?"

You giggle and slip his phone out of his pocket, walking over to your desk as you continue, "Would you like to touch me? Don't be silly, I know you want to."

Panting heavily, Gyutaro follows you like a lost puppy. Sickeningly addicted to your affection. "I would... please."

He impatiently watches as you open his phone camera and set it up on your desk, pointing directly to your bed and hitting the record button.

"There we go, so you'll have something special to watch later," you giggle to yourself then turn around to face him again.

Gyutaro stands tall before you, looming above you and looking down at you through half-lidded eyes. This intimidating man seemingly helpless to you. His aching cock a clear indicator as it stands tall, leaking clear sticky liquid as it begs for your attention. He thinks this surely must be the hardest he's ever been in his entire life because only a few seconds without your touch has caused him physical pain.

Poor thing, you kind of feel bad for him honestly. It's obvious just how much he wants this, wants you. It'd be cruel to make him wait any longer so you push him onto your bed and hastily slip out of your pants and fully remove your top. He follows suit and removes the rest of his clothing. The shame and embarrassment of his unusual body suddenly washed away by lust.

Left in nothing but your lingerie, you climb on top of Gyutaro to sit on his lap. This is everything he's dreamed about, and you're offering it to him on a silver platter. And he can't help but take what he wants.

He forcefully grabs your hips and pulls you closer, eagerly crashing his lips against yours in the process. Your lips are pillowy soft against his and taste faintly like your fruit-flavored lip balm. The taste of your lips alone threatens to make him spill between your thighs.

Your entire body heats up as you feel him slide his tongue past your lips. Obviously kissing you blindly with no experience, but you don't care. The passion behind his actions is enough to make your slick soak through your lace panties.

Gyutaro's hands move down to your butt, gripping you tightly and pushing you down against his throbbing member. He can't help but buck his hips up into your heat, seeking the warmth and wetness between your legs.

"Please, Y/N," he pants as he breaks away from the kiss, "I want you so bad... I-I've wanted you for so long."

You whimper as he breaks the kiss, "Then you can have me..."

Positioning him at your entrance, you move your panties to the side and lower down onto him. Sliding his thick cock into your tight hole, an exasperated moan leaves his lips.

Squeezing your eyes tightly, you whimper as you try to adjust to his size. The pleasure quickly overcoming him, he claws red marks into your skin as he tries to stop himself from fucking you silly like he does to his fleshlight.

Leaning his head back, he groans, his Adam's apple bobbing as he tries to steady his breathing and calm down. He's just so damn excited, still unable to believe that this moment is actually real.

Once you feel more accustomed to his large size you begin slowly bouncing on top of him, leaning forward and placing your hands on his shoulders for support.

With each movement of your hips, his moans intensify and it's obvious how hard he's trying not to completely fall apart right now. He always imagined how pretty you'd look beneath him, but honestly the view of having you on top of him is better than anything he's ever imagined. Your gorgeous face contorting as you use his body to pleasure yourself, not so differently from how he watched you for his own pleasure. Your angelic breasts bouncing with each movement of your hips. And not to mention the view he gets when he looks down at where you two are connected — your perfect pussy taking his cock over and over again, your shared liquids sticking to your thighs and his scrawny hips.

"F-feels so good," he gasps between moans, "So tight, so warm..." This is infinitely better than his fleshlight, so much so that he doesn't think he'll ever be able to go back. Now that he's had a taste of you he's going to be craving this pussy for eternity.

"Ah, you like it?" you moan, "Could've had it sooner if you told me how much you liked me, you pervert."

You can feel his cock twitch inside of you as you call him a pervert. he bites his lip and whimpers, "I-I'm sorry..."

"Such a creep, Gyu," you lean forward, pressing your body against his and picking up the pace, "Hiding cameras in my room so you can watch me while you jerk off. Such a bad boy~" You smirk, narrowing your eyes at him, enjoying how flustered he becomes as you call him out. It's obvious that he enjoys it by the way his blush deepens and he throbs inside of you, so ready and eager to fill you up.

"I'll m-make it up to you," he groans, tightening his grasp on your hips and thrusting up into you fervently — shoving his cock as deep inside of you as humanly possible, "gonna make you cum."

His phone gets the perfect view of him plunging into you, the wet slapping of skin and your combined moans captured perfectly on audio.

"Fuck, Gyutaro," you hold onto him tightly as he fucks you senseless, ramming into that sensitive spot deep within you, the spot that you could never properly reach with your fingers.

And that all too familiar tightness forms in your stomach, your walls begin to clench around him, and tears spill from your eyes. "G-Gyutaro! I'm-I'm-!!" You gasp and howl at the top of your lungs, trying to speak but your orgasm cuts you off halfway through your sentence. Hitting you harder than it ever has before, your entire body is left shaking as your slick pools in the dips of his hips. Gummy walls spasming around him, begging him to spill inside of you.

He tries his best to control himself but at this point, it's beyond his control and your pussy milks him before he can do anything about it. And he's left spilling inside of you. Feeling each spurt of his hot seed splashing against your cervix, it only intensifies the tremors of your orgasm. Gyutaro's chest heaves and he quite literally wails as he fills you up, holding your hips down so tightly that surely you'll wake up with hand-shaped bruises in the morning.

Post-orgasmic bliss washes over the two of you simultaneously, rendering you unresponsive for a few minutes as you lay your head on his chest. Even the feeling of his semen seeping out of you, rolling down your thighs, and pooling on the bed sheets isn't enough to snap you out of it.

Gyutaro holds you close to him, panting as his sweat sticks his unruly hair to his forehead. But he doesn't care about the disheveled mess he's become; on cloud nine because he got to cum inside of his crush. Adrenaline still coursing through him, keeping him still erect inside of you.

After a few minutes, you open your eyes and begin to lazily trace your fingers along the edge of the birthmark on his bicep. "You'll send me that video, won't you?" You whisper.

"Y-yeah," he sighs in content, "sure thing." He gently slides out of you and moves you to the side, laying you down on the bed. You watch as he gets up to retrieve his phone. He stops the recording and immediately sends it over to you.

"Come here," you pat the spot beside you, "let's make another one from a different angle."

[mxnhoo]

hopeless daydreams (l. hs)

synopsis : and they were roommates~ genre : romance, fluff, angst maybe, roommates to lovers !!!!, talkative x listener kinda, childish x mature LOWWWKEYYY, concert romance TEEEHEEE, word vomit cos i just wanna write pairing : heeseung x reader (mentions of yichan & chungah from twinkling watermelon, mentions of newt from the maze runner, chan from skz) w/c : 6.8k warnings! : SOME twinkling watermelon spoilers, name calling (attention whore etc), LMK IF I MISSED ANYTHING OUT a/n : plot is LOWKEY inspired by watermelon sugar by wonryllis, check it out it's genuinely amazing! main character is inspired by me cos i'm insanely delusional😚 can u tell i love confession tropes. ALSO i think this is fr the last thing ill post in a while cos of school, so hope this feeds yall well

✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦ . 　⁺ 　 . ✦

Lying on your bed, you were kicking your legs as you were watching the new episode of Twinkling Watermelon. The room was dark as the light wasn't turned on, the only source of light being your phone and the only sounds that could be heard were your giggles, and the audio from the drama.

It was the scene where Yichan brought the cat to Chungah.

"I'm afraid you'll be alone. I specifically chose a cat that looks like me" Yichan said as he pointed to his mole, Chungah looking at the cat who has a similar mole placement.

You paused your phone and squealed, covering your mouth as you giggle, kicking your legs even more.

"I'm afriad you'll be alone, specifically chose this cat that looks like me!" you imitated, lowering your voice to match the actor's one, laughing at yourself afterwards as you hit the mattress repeatedly.

Before you could continue watching your drama, knocks were heard on your door causing you to shoot your head up towards your door.

"Come in." you voiced, slightly annoyed that your drama-watching session was interrupted.

Your door opened, and without warning your light was turned on, flashing your eyes and you groan as you shut your eyes, looking away.

"God.. how can you see like this?" a daily voice spoke out.

You slowly opened your eyes, adjusting to the new lighting as you turned to the person.

"C'mon Hee, you could've warned me before you turned on the light..." you sighed. You looked at your roommate, which was Lee Heeseung, and he could be seen folding his arms, leaning against the bed frame with his eyes slightly frowned.

He completely disregarded what you said, "Time for dinner."

You groan once more, but quickly responded as you got off of your bed, dragging your feet towards him. Your hair was slightly messed up from laying down all day, and you scratched your stomach. After turning off the light, you and Heeseung walked towards the shared dining table, seeing all the food being placed and prepared.

"Sweet! You cooked fried rice?!" You squealed, the pitch of your voice increasing and you ran to the dining table, quickly sitting yourself down as you smelled the scrumptious aroma of the food.

"Mhm, your favourite." Heeseung said, setting himself on the opposite side of you on the table.

You looked at him, giving him a big smile as you quickly grabbed the metal cutlery on the table, preparing to indulge in the food. He returned a small smile as he looked back down on the food, doing the same as you.

"Let's eat!" you announced, digging your spoon and fork into the dish, bringing a big portion to your own plate and consuming it.

You could hear Heeseung giggle at you as you quickly devoured the food, him slowly taking his own portion and eating at his own pace.

"So how's Twinkle.. Sparkle whatever Watermelon going?" Heeseung asked, raising his eyebrow at you and your eyebrows raised, excited to talk about the details of the new Twinkling Watermelon episode.

You were about to speak until he stopped you, "Chew first, your mouth is full". He chuckled at you, tilting his neck as he watched you struggle to chew your food faster. Once you gulped your food down, you drank the cup of water that was nicely prepared already, you heaved a sigh of relief.

"Okay! So—" You rambled on about the new Twinkling Watermelon, using a lot of hand gestures and hitting the table in excitement once you brought up cute moments, like the cat scene you saw just now.

"Let me imitate the dude!" you said before clearing your throat. "I'm afraid you'll be alone, that's why I specifically picked a cat that looked like me" you imitated once again with your lowered voice, laughing afterwards at how stupid you felt.

Heeseung only looked at you and smiled, head tilting as he rested his head on his hand. He wasn't even eating, just watching as you talked about something you loved so much.

"And do you know how they confessed their feelings?! They were alone in a band room, and the dude was looking at her sketchbook, and he suddenly found a sketch of him!!" you said enthusiastically, pointing at him as he continued to listen to you. "And then he asked her in sign language — not really sign language, but like he asked her if she liked him! And I was expecting her to deny her feelings BUT SHE NODDED?!?!" you raised your voice, giggling violently afterwards.

"Really? What do you mean by 'not really sign language' though?" Hee asked, still staring at you, smirking.

"Oh! Like he asked like this!" you replied, afterwards doing handsigns.

The first handsign was you pointing towards Heeseung. The second handsign was you holding up a heart with both hands. The third handsign was you pointing towards yourself.

"Ahhh, and then she nodded after he did that?" he asked, understanding the context better.

You nodded aggressively at him, happy that he made an effort to understand the significant scene you could talk about for days.

"Let me try." Heeseung said, his facial expression becoming serious as he sat up straight, gaze locked onto you.

Using his hands, point to you heart point to himself

You furiously nodded your head and flashed him a smile, "Yes, exactly like that! That's one way to be romatic—" giggle "oh man, it seriously makes me so delusional." You giggled to yourself, and Heeseung raised an eyebrow at you, grinning.

"Enough talking, eat your food." Heeseung nagged before he spooned up some of the food and held his spoon up to you, raising his eyebrows to indicate you to eat it. You casually let him feed you, and you chewed the food.

"Hank yu!" you muttered in an attempt to say 'thank you' while your mouth was filled.

After both of you finished eating, you initiated to wash the dishes — after all, Heeseung was the one who cooked. Heeseung sat on the couch to scroll his phone as you washed the dishes. Since it was late at night, you announced that you wanted to take a shower.

"Oh dang, I haven't taken a shower too.." Heeseung mumbled, his eyes looking at you, signalling you to let him shower first. You gave him an irritated look, pointing at him "You literally could've showered while I was washing the dishes????".

"Oopsies. I forgot." Heeseung shrugged his shoulder, holding his hands up as you looked at him with an annoyed expression. You both instantly knew how to settle this — who would win the ability to shower first. Settle it right here, right now.

"Scissors, papers, stone!" you both chanted at the same time, throwing out a hand sign at each other.

Heeseung held up rock. You held up scissors. Rock beats scissors.

"Fuck yeah!" Heeseung cheered before he quickly snatched his towel from one of the corners of the living room and dashing for the bathroom, slamming the door loudly and locking it. You rolled your eyes and sat on one of the chairs near you, holding up your phone to scroll through social media.

This was your life. Wake up, school, go out, watch drama, eat dinner and occassionally play fight and eat dinner with Heeseung. Of course you did chores around the house too, but if anything, you were a full-time fangirl. You were a fangirl to all sorts of things.

You loved reading manga, comics, Webtoon, fanfiction; watching shows, J-Drama, C- drama, K-drama, anime; loved boybands whether they were English, Korean, Japanese; and practically just everything.

Heeseung on the other hand didn't really like anything specifically. One thing in particular though is that he enjoys music, like a lot. He listens to his own artists, but would listen to the music from your favourite boybands with you.

However, one thing that Heeseung absolutely disliked were your boyfriends. He once commented, "are you dating or doing charity work?" when you brought one of your boyfriends back home, and you always brushed it away, defending your boyfriends with all your might.

Spoiler alert! Your boyfriends always end up being trash.

Once, a boy broke up with you because his parents found out and his parents didn't allow him to be in a relationship, like seriously? Are you a toddler? Another time, a boy broke up with you and the reason was actually valid, but a weeks after he ended up dating a boy. Like it had you questioning. Were you that bad that they moved on quickly AND they switched up? You always ended up crying to Heeseung about it, and no matter what, he was always there for you, even if it was your fault for ignoring all the red flags.

This time, you have another boyfriend and you actually feel like he could be the one. But remember "Wake up, school, go out, watch drama, occasionally play fight and eat dinner with Heeseung" from a few paragraphs ago? The fact that you always eat dinner with Heeseung is kinda weird, 'cause you could be having a dinner date with your boyfriend or something, but it never could happen because apparently your boyfriend had 'night duties' to do. You didn't want to be pushy, so you never questioned it and lived with it, even if it kinda made you feel lonely. But at least Heeseung was there with you, so it's okay in a way?

After a while, you heard the bathroom door unlocking and you tilted your head up, watching the door open as you saw Heeseung walk out, shirtless with a towel covering his lower body. His hair was still wet and dripping, his torso still slightly glossy from it still being slightly wet. His body was well-defined since he had been going to the gym recently, and for some reason, you just couldn't take your eyes off of him. He quickly noticed you staring, and giggled.

"Ain't gotta stare like that.. I know I look good." he giggled, resting his hands on his hips as he smirked, looking back at you.

You quickly realise that you were staring at him and that you were caught, making you look away. "You're so full of yourself.." you rolled your eyes, trying to cover up the fact that you were just looking at him. It was normal for Heeseung to be walking around shirtless sometimes, but you don't know why this time he seemed a bit more attractive than usual. Mentally you were cursing yourself for checking Heeseung out, but there was just this thing with him that made you feel so flustered.

Trying to brush your thoughts away, you quickly snatch the towel that was on the table near you, walking past Heeseung into the bathroom, trying to avoid looking at him at all costs. You were about to close the door until Heeseung spoke out.

"Movie night?" he asked. You peeked your head out of the door before you nodded your head. "Okay." he responded, and you closed the door, locking it afterwards. You stared at at the bathroom mirror before you ruffle your hair in frustration, screaming silently.

"Why did I have to look at him? Why did I have to stare at him? He's always shirtless, why did I just have to stare this time? Am I cheating? Wait fuck no, I don't even see Heeseung that way. Oh my god" you sceam-whispered to yourself, taking deep breaths as you stared into the mirror after aggressively messing your hair up. You sighed in defeat, and started stripping to shower.

After you had finished your shower, you wrapped a towel around your body and quietly unlocked the bathroom door, peeking your head out to see where Heeseung was. After looking around, you notice the back of head appearing on the couch. You tried to tip-toe back to your room when he called out to you. "Done? Took you long enough." he teased, you stop moving and turned to him. He wasn't facing you, so you took the opportunity to hold up your middle finger and curse him off, whispering a very aggressive 'fuck you!' only for you to hear.

You entered your room, quickly dressing up and ruffling your hair with a towel. After a while, you stepped out of your room and joined him on the couch.

"Hey." he greeted you, putting his phone down to look at you up and down. This time, he had a shirt on so you felt more at ease.

"Yo." you smiled at him, trying to feel less awkward. You made your voice lower in an attempt to sound 'cool'.

".. What are you doing with your voice" he judged you, breaking out into laughter, and you joined him, the atmosphere being less tense and awkward. Thank god it's not awkward like just a while ago.

"Shush, stop judging." you playfully smacked him on the shoulder and he smiled, looking at you.

"Okay okay, so what movie we watchin' tonight?" he asked, picking up the remote as he turned on the TV and entered Netflix.

"Can we watch The Maze Runner?" you asked, looking at the TV screen.

"Let me guess, it's so you can see Newt again?" he asked since a few days ago you both already watched The Maze Runner. "............ maybe...."

He sighed before pressing a few buttons on the remote. You got comfortable beside Heeseung on the couch, slightly leaning your body on him. Some may say that it was weird at how you two were close, but this was a norm for the both of you. You knew Heeseung before all of your other boyfriends, so you and him inevitably had a strong bond. He turned on the movie that you had requested, and he quickly turned to you to flash a small smile.

"Thanks Hee, you're the best~" you giggled, locking your gaze onto the TV screen.

There was a silence as the movie started, and you were thrilled to rewatch your favourite movie and also see your favourite character. (newt girlies rise!)

"I just realised we don't have any snacks for the movie." he said, breaking the silence as he shot his head to you. Dang, you were so excited that you forgot one of the most very important things while watching a movie — snacks.

"Ah shit, do we even still have any snacks left?" you took the remote to pause the movie, setting your feet to the floor and standing up. You walked towards the pantry, and opening the cabinet, you are met with nothing. "Dang, we're really out." you groaned.

"I'll go downstairs" he said, getting up and walking to his room, probably to get his wallet.

As he entered his room, you sighed and you walked back to the couch, sitting down on it again. You waited for Heeseung to come out and he was now wearing a cap, jacket and holding his phone and wallet. He was making his way to the front door until you called out to him, "Let's go together." You don't know why but you just wanted to go. For the snacks, am I right? No it was for Heeseung.

Heeseung slowly turned around to face you, amusement showing on his face. "I'm not complaining, let's go," he said while holding his hand up and curling his wrist, telling you to get up. Still staring at him, you quickly got up and walked towards him. Once you both were side-by-side, you both started walking to the front door and he took his key that was hanging, opening the door.

It was dark and chilly. The walk to the nearby convenience store was silent, and once you both reached it, you looked at him and he looked at you.

"I'll get the drinks" "I'll get the snacks" you both said of the same time. You said drinks, he said snacks.

"It's settled, I'll pay this time." he smiled and you returned it. "Okay," you replied softly before turning your back and walking towards the drinks section.

Once you were at the drinks section, you opened the glass door of the refrigerator and took a bottle of Milo, a blast of cold air slapping you. You shivered a bit, and you instantly closed the door. Before you could walk over to the soda's section for Heeseung's drink, you saw someone familiar, and to your surprise, it was your boyfriend.

"Chan!" you called out without hesitation, running up to the boy. However, he wasn't alone..? The boy immediately turned around to where your voice sounded, and his eyes widened when he saw you, and he blinked rapidly. He quickly whispered something to the person he was with before you stood right in front of him, and now you both were face to face.

"Who's this?" you looked at the person beside him, and it was a girl. You raised an eyebrow and you started to feel uneasy.

"S-someone from my school. We were just doing a project I swear." the nervousness in his tone was obvious, making you feel uneasy. You didn't accuse him of anything, so why was he being so defensive? And why does he not look happy to see you?

"Uhm.. okay." you responded, your heart starting to feel slightly heavy as you started to overthink.

"Well! What are you doing here, then?" he asked, and you could see him start to sweat. You raised an eyebrow at him, occasionally looking at the girl beside him who was desperately trying to avoid eye contact with you.

"Um.. I was getting snacks with Heeseung." you replied, trying to cover up the fact you felt slightly jealous and hurt.

"Oh. Heeseung." his face suddenly darkened.

"Got a problem?" someone voiced behind you, and you instantly turned around to see who it was, and it was your roommate. Your roommate did not look happy at all, his eyes glaring at Chan as he held bag of chips in his hand.

"Hey, you're done?" you ask Heeseung, trying to clear up the tension. Once he looked at you, his gaze softened and he smiled at you, "Yup, got the snacks you liked, you done with the drinks?". You shook your head, "Nope, I was about to get your drink until I saw Chan". Immediately at the mention of your boyfriend's name, his smile dropped, and he looked back at Chan.

"Doing your 'night duties' in a convenience store with a girl I see?" Heeseung taunted, clearly angry at Chan. You looked back at Chan and he was returning Heeseung the sour look, and now the only thing you had to worry about is if a fight was gunna break out.

You whispered to Heeseung, "Hee.. stop..", but he ignored you. "Are you sure that it's right to be hanging out with a girl who isn't even your girlfriend this late at night?" he striked once again at Chan, and you could visibly see Chan get angrier, his jaw clenching.

"It's none of your business, besides, aren't you doing the same thing?" Chan retorted back. Heeseung scoffed and his tongue poked his cheek. "It's different. Me and Y/N are roommates. What's your excuse?" he fought back.

You whispered again, the anxious feeling inside you growing even more, "Hee.. stop.. please..". Chan smirked, "Oh yeah? Are you sure you only see Y/N as a roommate? I see the way you look at her, you want to snatch my girl away from me, right?". You looked at Chan, features of worry on your face.

"So what?" Heeseung voiced. You widened your eyes and looked back at Heeseung, not able to process the information you were hearing. "I'm her roommate, yet I treat her better than you. You're her boyfriend for fuck's sake." You couldn't just stand there and do nothing. With your free hand, you grabbed Heeseung's arm and pulled him to the other end of the store where the paying counter was. You aggressively snatched the snacks that Heeseung was holding and placed them down along with the single Milo bottle that you got. The cashier gave her colleague a side-eye, sensing the tension between you and Heeseung, scanning your items afterwards. You paid despite Heeseung initiating to do so earlier, and after your items were packaged in a plastic bag, you quickly snatched it and grabbed Heeseung's wrist, pulling him out of the store.

Once the two of you were out, you glared at him but he looked back at you with a soft expression. The sun has completely set, the only source of light being the street light.

"Are you feeling cold?" he asked genuinely, zipping down his jacket and removing it. Before he could wrap it around you, you smacked his hand away and stepped back.

"Hee, what was that about?" you asked coldly, features of anger on your face.

"What do you think?" he raised an eyebrow before continuing, "I was basically letting your boyfriend know how shitty he is." You wanted to slap Heeseung, but in the corner of your eye you saw Chan and the girl exiting the store. You quickly called out to Chan and waved, and Chan approached you.

Chan spoke up, completely ignoring Heeseung who was giving him the death stare, "We're still on this weekend, right babe?". He purposely spoke louder so Heeseung could hear him loud and clear. You nodded, smiling at him. Chan leaned in to peck your lips before leaving, and you were in a daze as you watched him leave. Chan was still beside that girl, but you could care less.

From your way of thinking, if Chan pecked you, he definitely loves you because he was giving you attention.

You look back at Heeseung and his facial expression showed he was displeased. Your smile drops and you walk ahead, not wanting to face Heeseung.

"Why him? You definitely know that the girl he's with right now is not just some 'project partner'." He voiced out loudly, causing you to stop walking. He continued, "We've been through this before Y/N, don't hurt yourself again."

You immediately turned around, "Hee, you can't control who I get together with. I'm happy, okay? I'm happy with Chan." You turned back, walking to your apartment without looking back at Heeseung.

As you were walking back, you couldn't stop thinking about what had just happened. You admit, you were happy that Chan kissed you, but you had so many questions.

Why was he with that girl late at night? What happened to his 'night duties'? Why did he say that Heeseung wanted to steal you from him?

You reached back your apartment, and you were about to unlock the door until you realised you didn't bring a key. You groaned in frustration because now you had to wait until Heeseung was back, and you also had to face him. You sat on the floor beside your door, throwing your head back to recall the conversations that happened just a while ago.

You were about to get lost in thought, until you heard footsteps approaching you. It was Heeseung, and he was holding the key. He seemed pretty shocked to see you, and he definitely wanted to talk to you, but he couldn't find the right words to say. He unlocked the door, and you immediately went in, trying to avoid him. "Y/N" he called out to you, but all you did was ignore and slam your room door. Heeseung felt guilty and he wanted to talk to you, but considering how you couldn't even face him, he just thought that he should give you a day or two.

The next day, you still ignored him, and he was getting bothered by it but he didn't want to rush you. Everytime he tried to touch or talk to you, you would instantly walk away and go into your room. Instead of eating dinner together, you would eat instant noodles in your room, leaving him alone on the dining table. Showers were never a problem because you always showered when he was still out in school.

Basically, you and Heeseung never talked, and the tension was suffocating. Finally, the weekend came and it was a day that you had been looking forward to for the longest time.

It was the day that you and your boyfriend were supposed to meet. You wanted to surprise your boyfriend with concert tickets of his favourite artist, and you were excited to see his reaction. Heeseung knew you were going out with Chan from the time at the convenience store, but didn't know any details. You didn't want to tell him because you both were not on good terms, and even if you two were on good terms, he would still nag at you.

Your plan was to bring Chan to a cafe nearby the concert venue, and then you'll show him the tickets and bring him to the concert. You had kept it a secret from him for 4 months, and you were imagining his reaction. Maybe he'll hug you, kiss you, pick you up and carry you, who knows?

You sat in the cafe, all dressed up. You did your hair, make-up, and chose an outfit following the concert's theme. You were waiting in the cafe, frequently picking up your phone to check the time. 3pm was the meeting time, and it was currently 2:56pm. You tapped your feet, fidgeted with your fingers and hair, and kept looking at the door everytime it was opened. You waited for 4 minutes and no one came.

"Maybe he's just late?" you mumbled, an uneasy feeling growing inside of you. You quickly texted him,

y/n : channie y/n : are you reachingg?? y/n : i cant wait for you to be here hehe

You waited for a response, but it never came. You waited a few minutes, and those minutes quickly turned into 10 minutes, 30 minutes, to an hour. Did you just get stood up by your boyfriend? You called him multiple times, but your calls were all unanswered. You were about to start crying until you got a phone call back. You immediately looked at the screen, and read the caller ID.

" HeeHee(seung)! "

Feeling completely detached from reality, you just picked up, ignoring the fact that you and him were on bad terms.

"Y/N, where are you?" he sounded breathless, and you felt confused. "W-why..?" your voice cracking, tears still building up in your eyes. "Please, let me go to you." If anything, you would've ended the call, but you were so hurt at the fact that you got stood up by your boyfriend that you didn't care anymore. "I'll send you my location." you said before hanging up and sending him your location.

After 10 minutes, the cafe door opened and a figure ran inside, panting loudly. The figure caught the attention of everyone in the cafe, and it was your roommate. Heeseung frantically looked around until his eyes met yours. His eyes were full of concern, and seeing you, he immediately ran up to you and grabbed your shoulders.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

You wanted to say yes, say you were fine, but you were not. Tears broke free from your eyes and you sniffled, hyperventilating as you start to cry. You cried out loud and Heeseung wiped your tears, looking at you with such worry. Everyone in the cafe was glancing at you but neither you or Heeseung could give a fuck. Heeseung brought you into an embrace and patted your back, whispering sweet-nothing's into your ears. The warmth he gave you was so comfortable, and you felt guilty about being so cold to him.

Your cries continued, but after 15 minutes, you slowly started to calm down. Heeseung's shirt was drenched with your tears, and realising that your breathing started to slow down, he gently moved backwards from you. He then sat on the chair opposite of you, where Chan was supposed to be.

"Y/N." he called out, causing you to look at him. Your nose was red, and your eyes were glossy and puffy.

"You're safe with me, okay? I'm sorry for what I did earlier this week." his voice was gentle and comforting.

You slowly nodded, unable to speak after crying for a long time.

"But, could you tell me what happened exactly?" he asked, and you were pained at remembering that your boyfriend had stood you up.

"Chan." you managed to say after a while, "He stood me up."

Heeseung was about to speak, until you continued, "I was supposed to surprise him to a concert today. I've been waiting for so long to surprise him, and he doesn't turn up?".

"I've waited so much money, so much time." you said, voice cracking towards the end.

"You and me, let's go to that concert, okay? When is it?" Heeseung said, causing you to raise your eyebrows.

"It starts in.." you checked the time on your phone "12 minutes."

Heeseung's eyes widened before he stood up, pushing the chair he was on backwards, and he took your hand that was resting on the table. "Then we have to go, now!". You blinked rapidly, clearly confused, but you slowly stood up. You took your bag that was on the chair and looked at him. You both left the cafe, and both started sprinting for the concert venue. Laughs filled the air, and you interlocked your hands with him. You had to get past a lot of people, and after 10 minutes of running, you reached the venue with him. You both were laughing while panting at the same time, your hands resting on your knees. It was almost as if you didn't ignore him for the past few days.

"C'mon, let's go in! You have the tickets right?" he asked, equally as breathless as you. You nodded and rummaged through your bag, pulling out a pair of tickets and handing it over to him. He held your hand again and pulled you to the entrance gate of the concert, showing the security guard the tickets and bringing you in. As soon as you and Heeseung stepped into the standing pen, the bright light in the venue that was flashing instantly disappeared, darkness filling the whole room. Loud cheers could be heard, and you joined in as well. The concert was starting, and even though it wasn't with the person who failed to be there, it was the person who never failed to be there.

5 songs have been played, and it was currently a ment where the artist was talking to the audience. Heeseung looked at you, and happiness was taking over you as if you weren't just crying your eyes out a while ago. Suddenly, music started playing again, and the artist yelled, "Everybody here with their partners, hold onto them tight for this song!". Without warning, Heeseung wrapped his hand around your waist, pulling you closer, and your eyes widened. You remained completely still, processing what just happened. With the song starting, Heeseung slowly swayed side-to-side, and you followed him. Your heart fluttered at his cuteness, and you put your arm around his waist too.

You couldn't focus on the concert, you were just thinking about the boy beside you. Was he your roommate, or was he someone you liked? Right now, the warmth you felt in your heart was like no other. The feeling in your heart was something new, and it made you feel so confused, flustered, excited, and all sorts of things. You were just crying about Chan and ignoring Heeseung just a while ago, but now you were holding onto him, so what happens now?

You glanced at Heeseung and to your your surprise, he was already staring at you. His stare was intense, and you also noticed that he was looking down on your lips.

"Y/N." he called your name, and it made your heart skip a beat. "I know you're still dating Chan and that you're still angry at me, but I really want to kiss you right now. Can I do it, please?". Without saying another word, you turned your body to face him, wrapping your arms around his neck and pulling him for a kiss.

His soft lips met yours and it was almost as if it was only the two of you there, becoming completely unaware about your surroundings. Both of your eyes closed, tilting your heads to get more access. His hands went up to cup your face, bringing you closer, your heart now racing as you melted into the kiss.

After a while, you pulled back and rested your forehead against his, looking directly into his eyes and smiling. "I wanna stay like this for a while" you mumbled, and he looks back at you, giving you such a loving gaze.

"Me too."

It was the end of the concert, and you were now hand-in-hand with Heeseung. You checked your phone to see 19 notifications, and it was from your boyfriend — well, soon to be ex boyfriend..

8 Missed Calls

channie! : u fucking bitch channie! : u got heeseung to beat me up didn't u?? channie! : you're such an attention whore channie! : u only asked him to do so because u were jealous of that girl right channie! : that mother fucker left me in an alley way channie! : i admit channie! : i've been cheating on you with her

And before you could read the last few messages, you showed your screen to Heeseung. At first, Heeseung was afraid that you'd be hurt by Chan's words, but all you asked was, "You beat him up?" with your face completely unphased.

"....Yeah.... Don't get me wrong! Today, I saw him.... kissing that girl from before, and I just had to do something, y'know?" he pouted, not wanting you to get angry at him again and becoming all defensive.

You laugh at him before squishing his cheek. You looked back at your phone screen and clicked on Chan's notification, reading the last few messages you missed out on.

channie! : you're so overbearing channie! : she's way better than you channie! : i'm breaking up with u btw lol channie! : you'll never find anyone like me

You smirked, rolling your eyes before quickly letting go of Heeseung's hand to type a reply.

y/n : that's a relief y/n : bye

You snorted and showed Heeseung your reply, him giggling afterwards. You turned off your phone and inserted it in your pocket, holding Heeseung's hand again. The atmosphere was so loud, considering that the concert just ended and there were hoards of people trying to leave, but with Heeseung with you, you felt protected.

"I really looked like an idiot, didn't I?" you referred to when you were crying your eyes out for Chan before the concert. "Yeah, but a pretty idiot." "Oh? Mr Flirty.." you chuckled, blushing at his words. All your anger for him had vanished. "No but really, you look so pretty with that hairstyle.. that makeup and outfit." he said, looking the other way to avoid eye contact. It was dark, but the streetlight was making his redenned ears obvious.

You both continued to walk hand-in-hand, finally walking to an area that had lesser people, making the atmosphere calmer.

"How do you feel about me?" you asked.

There were seconds of silence, and you were about to apologise for such an abrupt question, until he spoke up.

"I feel crazy over you. I was going insane over the fact that you were having all these other boyfriends that treated you like absolute shit when I was right there. I could've been giving you wanted, Y/N. I enjoy every single moment with you, and that means a lot considering we literally live with each other. From those moments we go grocery shopping, to when we have movie nights, to when we fight over the smallest shit, I really enjoy all of them."

You nodded at his response, a smile creeping up your face. You interlocked your hand with him and squeezed his hand.

"How about you, Y/N?" he squeezed your hand back.

"I feel safe with you. I've had many partners, but they never made me feel as comfortable as you make me feel. I just assumed that it was because we're roommates, and that we feel close to each other since we see each other everyday, but I don't know.. I've always secretly craved for something more." you confessed, feeling embarrassed that you were completely vulnerable right now, but you wanted to be honest.

"That makes me feel so happy." he smiled at you, and you returned the smile.

"I'm sorry for being so cold to you this week." "It's okay. I understand."

After a while, the two of you finally returned home. Earlier expecting to be brought home by Chan, you were instead brought home by Heeseung, and it made you feel more content.

"I'm gunna go shower.." you told Heeseung, walking towards the bathroom.

"Can we shower together?" he asked, and you turned around, you looked at him weirdly with an eyebrow raised. "Weirdo.." you reply. "Whaat??? It's not weird at all!" he fought back. You rolled your eyes and snickered, walking into the bathroom.

A week has passed since you had broken up with Chan, and well, since you and Heeseung confessed to each other. In the dorm, you and Heeseung got even closer, sleeping together on the same bed every few days and having movie nights more frequently, but you and him never made it official. Both of you were honest about how you felt, so does that mean you two were dating? But nobody asked the big question, so does that mean the two of you were friends.. with benefits?

You were in class and it was the only thing you could think of, making you irritated. You couldn't focus, and if you went home to relax, the person making you lose focus would be there. As soon as the lecturer announced that class was over, you quickly closed your laptop and packed your bag, dashing for the door. You dashed home, praying that Heeseung wasn't home yet and wanting to just sleep your worries away. Since you and Heeseung were living in dorms, the time taken to walk back home wouldn't be long, so after 10 minute of walking, you reached the front of your door. You pull out your keys and unlocked the door, opening it and stepping foot into the house.

The first thing you noticed was the aroma. It smelled sweet, like.. chocolate cake? You loved chocolate cake. You quickly locked the front door behind you and put your shoes on the rack, stepping into the kitchen when you are met with a cake set on the table, "Will you let me be your boyfriend?" written with icing and flower petals around it forming a heart shape. Your heart instantly melted.

Suddenly, you heard a scream behind you and you instantly turned around, a confused look plastered onto your face. The scream came from Heeseung, who was just leaving his room and his eyes widened.

"HUHHH?? YOU'RE BACK HOME ALREADYY???" he whined, dropping a letter on the floor.

"What's all of this?" you giggled.

"I WANTED TO SURPRISE YOUU.." he whined again, fake-crying.

You giggled at the sight in front of you. Usually Heeseung put up a mature front around you, but you couldn't help but find this side of him extremely adorable.

"Well, that's unfortunate" you giggled, amused at how his face became fully red in an instant. You walked up to him and held both of his hands.

"So, what were you going to ask me?" you raised your eyebrows, anticipating to a specific phrase you've been wanting to hear so badly throughout the entire week.

He sighed, looking away since he felt embarrassed that his surprise failed. He mustered up the courage to look at you and finally ask the big question, "Y/N, will you let me be your boyfriend?"

You hummed, looking up to the ceiling, portraying that you were 'thinking', but you only wanted to tease him. You felt ecstatic that it was all going to be official.

"Don't tease me!" he whined, feeling impatient.

"Maybe.... yes?" you finally replied, and he looked at you with such a jubilant expression. He pulled you into a kiss, his hands wrapping around your waist, and you kiss him back.

"I'll treat you so well Y/N, better than all those bastards and those characters you fangirl so much over, okay?" he pulled back, cupping your cheeks.

You nodded and leaned in once more for another kiss.

[imaginespazzi]

On The Road To Eternity

Three times Paige and Azzi fall asleep together and the one time they stay awake

(In which a kind writer gives y'all the last dose of real fluff before committing to angst for the next few months)

Pairing: Paige Bueckers X Azzi Fudd

Themes: Fluff, Hurt/Comfort

Words: 4.0K

TW: Light swearing, alcohol, Azzi's ACL injury

A/N: Hello my lovelies! So I know you're all waiting for something else and I promise I am working on it too! But I had a couple of requests I wanted to get through first and the easiest thing as always, was to combine some of them into one fic. So for anons who wanted the plane convo, injury-related comfort and more Miles and Sienna content, this is for you! This is set in Eternity-verse but you obviously don't have to read either of those to understand this. The editing in this might actually be non-existent but I hope y'all forgive me anyways. As always, let me know what you liked, what you disliked and what you'd like to see in the future. Enjoy the fluff lovelies, we're in for a bumpy ride next time <3

the playful conversation starts, counter all your quick remarks

Paige’s mouth is running dry. She’s been babbling on and on for almost two hours and the girl next to her has barely spoken two sentences. In Paige’s defense, she’s not really fully in control of her word vomit right now. Her brain is currently in the grasp of her nervous anxiety and the fear that if she lets silence linger between them, the brunette next to her would realize too quickly that maybe Paige’s brilliant idea to switch their seats so they could be next to each other, wasn’t such a brilliant idea after all. 

This feeling is foreign to Paige. She’s always been the epitome of confidence, always so sure of herself, always convinced that the person in front of her must want to be her friend. But something about Azzi Fudd is different. It’s not like Azzi’s been cold or anything, but she seems immune to Paige’s charm, eyes always a little weary of what ridiculousness Paige is going to get herself into next. But really, Paige thinks, it’s Azzi’s fault that the blonde had been up to one too many shenanigans during USA Basketball. Because if every time Paige pulls off a trick, Azzi’s going to smile like that, like Paige is the funniest human being in the world, then she’s going to do it over and over again. 

“You um-,” Paige looks down, fiddling with her thumbs, “you can tell me to shut up you know. I get a little too excited about basketball sometimes.”

“I think you get a little too excited about most things,” Azzi says and when Paige looks up at her, there’s a teasing grin playing on the younger girl's lips. 

“Life’s too short to not be excited about things,” Paige says solemnly. 

Azzi raises an eyebrow, “what book did you steal that from- actually never mind, I doubt you read.”

“Hey, I do read!” Paige shrieks in mock offence and Azzi bursts out laughing. And Paige barely knows this girl, doesn’t even know her middle name yet, but she thinks that Azzi’s laughter, like wind chimes ringing through the mountains, might be her favourite sound in the whole wide world. 

It takes Azzi a second to compose herself, before she looks at Paige with earnest eyes, “I like listening to you talk.”

“Be careful Fudd. I might never shut up,” Paige smirks cockily but inside, her chest feels a like it’s bursting at the compliment. Five simple words and it feels a little bit like all of Paige’s insecurities are being soothed over, a sense of calm washing all over her. She doesn’t understand the butterflies in her stomach and she definitely doesn’t understand the fluttering in her chest but she knows that she likes this feeling, knows that she likes Azzi. 

“You say that but you’ve already gone quiet on me Bueckers,” Azzi cocks her head, “whatcha thinking?”

“I’m thinking we’re gonna be great friends.”

“You think so? I'm a little picky about my friendships.”

“I know so. I'm gonna be the best friend you've ever had," Paige vows.

And when Azzi smiles, it’s not a smile that Paige has seen in the last week. It’s one that’s entirely different, one filled with something both of them are too young to understand and it’ll take years before either of them realize that it’s Azzi’s Paige smile. It'll take years before they realize Paige has her own matching Azzi smile.

This time as Paige starts up a conversation again, Azzi has more input. Time seems to stop and speed up all at the same time as the two girls cover every topic imaginable, occasionally getting annoyed shushing looks from other passengers when they giggle a little too loudly. All that does is make them share conspiratorial smiles and laugh just a little bit harder. It’s almost three-quarters of the way into the flight when their voices start getting scratchy, sleep inching its way onto their features as they slowly fall into silence. 

Paige will never admit this but she’s a little scared of the quiet. Well, actually, she’s scared of being alone, and the quiet feels a lot like solitude. Her whole life she’s tried her best to keep herself surrounded by chaos, by noise, filling up the space with her own voice if nobody else wanted to talk. And if there was nothing, at least there was the sound of a basketball being dribbled on the hardwood floor. The whole plane is asleep and all she can focus on is Azzi’s soft breathing next to her as the brunette falls deeper and deeper into her dreams. And for the first time in her life, Paige doesn’t mind the quiet. 

***

Azzi stirs awake to the cabin crew announcing they’re only a couple of minutes away from landing. She cricks her neck, feeling a heaviness on her right and when she turns to look, there’s Paige Bueckers. Blonde hair sprawled all over Azzi's arm as the point guard uses Azzi’s shoulder as her own personal pillow. Her eyes are shut tight, mouth a little ajar with drool pooling at the corner of her lips. Azzi blinks down at her, unsure why her heartbeat is erratic, unsure why she thinks Paige might be the most beautiful creature she’s ever seen. 

Azzi wills herself to stay deathly still, convincing herself that it’s because she doesn’t want to wake Paige up. After all, they’d had a long week and the point guard deserved a break after having done everything in her power to make sure the team won gold. But really, the truth is Azzi doesn’t want Paige to wake up because then Paige will move away and Azzi’s beginning to realize she quite likes having Paige asleep on her, she's beginning to realize, that maybe she just likes having Paige with her.

2. the lingering question kept me up, 2 am who do you love 

“And then Coach made me run laps for an hour. AN HOUR,” Paige says animatedly, placing her phone on her pillow, as she flips herself to lie on her stomach, “and now I’m sore everywhere.”

“Aww you poor baby,” her best friend’s voice mocks through the facetime call that’s been running since midnight, “maybe next time you should just try and practice well.”

“Who’s side are you even on?” Paige guffaws. 

Azzi laughs, her head leaning back against the headboard as she gets comfortable, “his duh. After all, he could be my future coach. Gotta stay on his good side.”

“What do you mean could?” Paige narrows her eyes, “he will be your coach.”

“I dunno dude. The way you’ve been complaining about practice since you got there, I don’t know if I wanna be a part of that.”

“Don’t think you can handle it?” Paige smirks, knowing exactly what buttons to push as she watches Azzi’s calm expression turn to one of fierce competition. 

“I would kick your butt at practice,” Azzi says determinedly and Paige’s smirk widens. 

“Well you should commit to UConn and find out.”

“May I w-” Azzi stops, groaning as she realises what Paige is doing. 

“Go ahead and finish that sentence for me.”

“Fuck off,” Azzi whines, grabbing a pillow to bury her head into and it’s ridiculous the way Paige is so endeared by it. But then again, she’s endeared by most things Azzi. 

“I didn’t do anything,” Paige sing-songs, “that was all you bro.”

“You tricked me.”

“I did no such thing. I am a woman of God. I would never.”

“Don’t bring God into your deception Paige,” Azzi chastises as they both delve into laughter. That’s their friendship in a nutshell. Conversations well past midnight, filled with bickering and giggling. And the truth is, that all throughout the day, as she goes through the motions of UConn life, this is what Paige looks forward to. Coming back to her dorm, falling into bed, picking up the phone and finding Azzi on the other side. And even if doesn’t do nearly enough to soothe the ache of how much she craves Azzi’s physical presence, at least for a while she can close her eyes and pretend, just by the sound of her best friend’s voice, that she’s here with her. 

“You’d fit in really well Az,” Paige says after a moment, chewing at her lip, “I know your game better than anyone and I know you’d thrive here.”

Azzi sighs, “I don’t feel like doing this tonight Paige.”

They’re balancing on a thin rope when it comes to Azzi’s commitment. As the deadline approaches, the younger girl, also known as the most indecisive person Paige knows, has gotten more and more tense with every day. What had started as Azzi rolling her eyes whenever Paige pushed a little too hard, had begun to delve into Azzi shutting down the moment Paige brought the topic up. 

“I just think-”

“Stop thinking,” Azzi bites out harshly before she lets out a deep breath, “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to say it like that I just- I need everyone to stop talking to me about it.”

“We’re just tryna help,” Paige says slowly, lying on her elbows as she props her phone up against her side table. 

“I know. I know. But I just need y’all to trust that I know what’s best for me.”

I’m what’s best for you, Paige thinks but she can’t say that out loud, not when it’s veering just a little too close to the biggest reason why Paige wants Azzi at UConn, one that has absolutely nothing to do with basketball, one that has everything do with that scary fucking l-word Paige isn’t sure she’ll ever be ready to confront. 

Instead she gives her best friend a soothing nod, “you know I trust your judgement.”

“You should,” Azzi smiles and Paige feels warm all over, “it’s definitely better than yours.”

Paige rolls her eyes, “you say the sweetest things to me Azzi Fudd.”

“I try,” Azzi whispers before a loud yawn escapes her, as she rolls over to lie on her side.

“You abouta fall asleep on me bro?” Paige raises an eyebrow. 

“Of,” another yawn, “course not.”

Paige shakes her head, mentally counting down in her head as she watches Azzi’s eyes start to blink. For her part, the younger girl tries to keep talking, mumbling something about some tv show she’d watched that day. Paige barely registers any of it, too busy admiring how pretty Azzi looks in the dim glow of her night light. She can feel her own body starting to drift away as well, giving into what’s basically become routine. And maybe their phones only have enough charge for them to get a small glimpse of each other stirring awake before the call unceremoniously. But it’s enough. For now, even if it’s just through a screen, falling asleep to the sound of each other breathing, and waking up to those precious few seconds of each other being the first thing they see in the morning, is enough. 

3. now i’m pacing back and forth, wishing you were at my door

The music roars around her as Paige lets herself be immersed by the dancing crowd. It’s a Thursday night, but after a decisive win over Maryland by the women’s team, all of Storrs is partying like it’s already the weekend. While the bar was always an option, the team had decided to throw an impromptu party in one of the apartments instead and word seemed to have spread a little too quickly throughout campus. 

Paige is distracted as she dances with KK and Aubrey, eyes constantly drifting to the door in anticipation of her girlfriend. Azzi had reassured she’d show up after the Fudds, who were helping Azzi decorate for Christmas, left but the clock is ticking closer and closer to midnight and there’s still no sign of the brunette anywhere. 

“Has Azzi texted any of y’all?’ Paige tries to yell over the music, after checking her own phone and finding nothing. Both KK and Aubrey shake their heads and Paige sighs, concern flooding into her brain. Out of the corner of her eye she notices Caroline beelining for the door and call it instinct, but Paige immediately knows it has something to do with Azzi. 

“I’ll be right back okay,” she says to her other teammates, before following the Massachusetts native.

She’s not sure how Caroline did it so easily, but it takes Paige far longer than it should to get through the crowd and out the door.Azzi’s apartment is eerily quiet by the time Paige reaches it. The newly setup Christmas lights around the living room have been turned off and even the fairy lights on the Christmas tree are set to a dim setting. For a second, Paige wonders if maybe Azzi isn’t even in here and then she hears it, a heartbreakingly familiar sob. As she walks towards Azzi’s door, Paige feels her own heart start to crack. 

When the injury had happened in practice, there were two people who had immediately known what it was. The person it happened to and her person who’d just been through it. Azzi had taken it shockingly well from the moment it happened til the doctor had confirmed what they’d all known, but still hoped to be wrong about. A steely determined look had covered her face, as instead of mourning another setback, she’d thrown herself into planning out her recovery. But Paige had always been able to see through Azzi’s façade and she’d known it was only a matter of time before the inevitable crash. 

Paige stops outside the door, unsure if she should go in as she listens to the sound of Azzi’s tears and Caroline’s soothing “it’s gonna be okay.”

“It’s not,” Azzi breathes out between sobs and it feels like a shard of glass is being used to puncture Paige's soul, “I can’t do this again Carol. It’s too much. I can’t keep doing this again and again. Why does this keep happening to me?”

“I know,” Caroline whispers, sounding as helplessly defeated as Paige feels, “I’m so sorry Azzi.”

“No, I'm sorry. Fuck Carol, you should be down at the party-”

“I should be here with you because you need me,” Caroline hesitates, “but I also don’t think it’s me you need.”

“Don’t,” Azzi’s voice is firmer now and Paige can picture her wiping her tears as she gives Caroline that patented don’t push me look. 

“Azzi-”

“Did you see how happy she looked after the game? I can’t ruin that for her. She was so good tonight and I’m so proud of her and I can’t- I won’t ruin that for her. She’s been through so much this year and she deserves to celebrate without- without me there ruining her moment.”

You stupid silly girl with your heart of gold, Paige thinks, shaking her head as she throws the door open. 

“Oh thank god,” Caroline mutters under her breath, moving a little so that Paige can see all of Azzi’s, sitting rigidly on her bed with her legs hanging off one side. Tear tracks stream down the younger girl’s face, her hands fisted in her laps as she stares at Paige with watery eyes. She’s still dressed in her tracksuit from the game, the sticker Paige had placed over her heart, still exactly where she’d put it. An air of fragility clings to Azzi’s frame and Paige wants to bubble wrap her girlfriend and hide her away from this cruel world that seems to test their strength at every step of the way. 

“For someone so smart Azzi Fudd, you say the dumbest shit sometimes,” Paige whispers, crouching down in front of the brunette, and uncurling her fists so she can hold her hands, “you think I can celebrate without you?”

“I didn’t wanna be a buzzkill,” Azzi mumbles, eyes looking anywhere but at Paige, “I don’t wanna be a burden.”

“Baby,” Paige breathes out, bringing Azzi’s knuckles to her lips, “was I a burden to you last year?”

That gets Azzi to look at her, as a fierceful protectiveness clouds the other girl’s eyes, “of course not P. You could never be a burden.”

“Then how the fuck, did you ever think Azzi, that you could be a burden to me?”

Azzi’s bottom lip trembles, a fresh set of tears threatening to fall from her eyes. And then she’s falling off the bed, straight into Paige’s arms, hands tightening around the older girl’s neck as she buries her face in her chest. 

“I’ve got you baby,” Paige whispers into her hair, her own eyes stinging as she runs her hands up and down the shaking brunette’s back, “I’m right here. I’ll always be right here.”

She doesn’t know how long she sits on the floor, tank top a little soaked from all of Azzi’s tears but she doesn’t move until Azzi stills herself in her arms, having basically cried herself to sleep. Paige gets up slowly, trying her best not to wake up the girl in her arms, as she somehow manages to manoeuvre both of them onto the bed. Azzi lets out a quiet whimper, snuggling further into Paige’s side. 

Staring down at the vulnerable girl in front of her, Paige finally lets her own tears fall, biting her lip and almost drawing blood, to keep herself from making a sound. A lot of things had gone wrong in the last year but it was all supposed to have been worth it this year when they’d finally get to live out the dream they’d been dreaming since they’d first met, the dream to play together. And now that's gone, for now at least. But as Azzi subconsciously runs a hand down Paige’s arm, her sixth sense alerts even in sleep that her girlfriend needs comfort, Paige thinks, at least they have each other. Because as she lies down next to Azzi, pulling her girlfriend closer to her chest, she knows she’s never letting go. 

4. this was the very first page, not where the storyline ends

Paige swears she’s only closed her eyes for 10 seconds when the baby monitor goes off again. Loud screaming fills the entirety of the master bedroom, as she groans into her pillow. For the most part, her twins are angels on earth. Except when the clock passes 3 a.m and they seem to get possessed by demons that make them scream bloody murder until one of their moms picks them up. 

“Azzi,” she whines into her pillow, reaching over to lightly smack her wife’s arm, “your children are awake.”

She doesn’t need to see the younger woman’s face to know that even with sleep in every corner of her eye, Azzi is currently shooting Paige the most exasperated glare possible. 

“Suddenly they’re my kids? Gosh Paige I wish you’d told me that before I put your name on the fucking birth certificate,” Azzi quips as she rolls out of bed and Paige immediately missed the warmth next to her, “if you’re not up in five minutes to help me with this, I swear to god I will divorce your ass.”

“How are you awake enough to threaten me like that right now?” Paige mumbles, sighing to herself as she separates from her beloved bed. The tiredness hits her the moment she stands up and she almost keels over, until a strong arm wraps around her waist. And despite the ridiculous time, despite the noise that is still echoing throughout their room, despite the fact that she can barely see her in this darkness, as soon as Paige can feel Azzi’s skin underneath her fingertip, she can’t help but press her lips against her wife’s. Paige almost, almost loses herself in the kiss until there's a shriek, too loud to ignore. 

“What if we didn’t put a baby monitor in their room anymore,” she mutters against Azzi’s lips, eliciting a small laugh from her wife as she entwines their hands together, practically dragging Paige from the master bedroom into the twin’s shared nursery.

Miles and Sienna are both standing in their cots, facing each other and screaming their heads off as if they’re in some sort of who can ruin our moms night better competition and if Paige wasn’t one of the moms in question, she’d probably find the scenario a tad bit more amusing. Shaking her head, she walks towards Miles as Azzi goes towards Sienna and it’s a little bit ridiculous how quickly the cries begin to subside. She’d never admit it but secretly Paige loves how quickly the twins calm down as soon as they see their mothers, even if it is after yelling at an ungodly hour in the morning. They’re too young to be able to say the words, and so Paige is pretty sure this is their way of making sure Mommy and Mama know how much Miles and Sienna love them. 

“Hey buddy,” Paige coos as she picks Miles up, his tearful face breaking out into a magnificent grin, “didn’t feel like letting us sleep again huh kid?”

Miles doesn’t say anything, just smiles as he makes grabby hands for Paige’s face. She’s learned it’s one of his favourite things to do with her or Azzi, reach for them and use his tiny fingers to caress their faces. It’s like he’s memorising how they feel and Paige can’t help but lean into his touch. Behind her she can hear Sienna giggling and when she turns around, she’s not surprised to find Azzi pressing kisses all over their daughter’s face. And she doesn’t think she’ll ever get tired of seeing this vision, the love of her life interacting with their kids. 

“Muh,” Miles manages to spit out the minute he spots Azzi, jostling in Paige’s arms, clearly eager to get to his other mother. The sound gets Sienna’s attention and her face widens as she spots Paige. Laughing, Paige and Azzi share a secret smile as they swap children. Miles immediately buries his face into his favourite spot in the crease between Azzi’s neck and shoulder and Sienna’s immediately enamoured with Paige’s blond hair, chubby finger combing through it as she looks at her mother in awe. 

“You’re wide awake aren’t you Si-Si,” Paige whispers, laughing when Sienna nods. She walks them over to the couch, Azzi and Miles following behind. As soon as both Paige and Azzi are seated, Miles and Sienna are reaching for each other, babbling silly nonsense and giggling. Paige doesn’t know a lot about babies but she’s pretty certain her twins have their own secret language they speak to each other in. 

Their family of four settles into the couch, that’s bound to be dented soon by the constant weight of all four of them on it every night. It’s unlikely any of them will return to their own beds, unlikely Paige and Azzi will even get any more sleep tonight. Over the top of the twins' head, Paige eyes meet Azzi’s. They’re droopy with sleep, but crinkled from the way she’s smiling and Paige is still as much in love with them now, as she was an eternity ago. 

“I love you,” she whispers, just because she can. 

Azzi’s smile widens, one hand navigating through their children between them to hold Paige’s, “I love you more.”

“I love you the most,” Paige counters and Azzi shakes her head as she squeezes Paige’s hand. 

It’s a silly little thing but they wouldn’t be Paige and Azzi if they didn’t bicker over it just a little bit. Because at the end of the day they both know, there's no one they’d rather fall asleep with, no one they'd rather stay awake with, no one they’d rather be on this journey of life with, other than each other. 

[mrsnancywheeler]

let me down easy // finnick odair x f. reader

based off this blurb

summary: finnick pushed himself away, isolated himself, and you're slipping through his fingers like sand.

masterlist

3.8k words

warnings: angst, a tiny bit of fluff at the end, a little smutty but also very brief, mental illness, insecurity, paranoia, allusions to cheating (no one is actually cheating), slightly mean!finnick, self destructive behavior on all sides, more insecurities, arguments, feeling isolated, slight blood and injury, female rage things, male masturbation, unedited, no use of y/n, brief mentions of vomiting, girls girls all around, annie cresta my beloved being a girl girl, people pleaser reader

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

Once every day had felt like it was full of sunlight, even if there were ups and downs you always had each other by the end of it. Now you weren't even sure if you had yourself, let alone Finnick. Worst of all you had no idea what you'd done wrong, at first you chalked it up to how he'd just returned from the Capitol. But usually his isolation was a day at the most before he'd succumb to your comfort. Instead it had been nearly a month of radio silence.

He stopped the way he'd pepper your face with kisses to wake you up and bring you to the kitchen where he'd have made breakfast, telling you mindless stories about his morning swim. Now if he did anything for you it felt robotic, out of necessity, there was no helping you with your hair, having fun picking out your outfits, he was barely around. Never would you have thought you could be such an outcast in your own home, your own relationship.

At first you'd thought you just weren't doing enough, that he needed some extra love to help him open up. Reluctantly you'd fully wake yourself up when you felt him rise for his swim, take up the position of making him breakfast instead. Busying yourself with his favorites until he returned and you put on your best smile when he did, hopeful it would be somewhat successful.

“Good morning!” You greeted and were met with a confused look, a nod. You'd always hated getting up this early yet here you were and he did nothing.

“I have to take a shower." He muttered and was up the stairs. It was a disappointing resolution, but then your hopes had still been high. So you kept making his favorites throughout the next few days, scattering gifts for him throughout the house, writing notes to hide where he might find them, desperate to show him how much you loved him.

“Where are you going?" Your voice startled him and he slowly turned his head towards you.

Finnick's voice was so dry, rigid, “Fishing."

“Oh, let me get my shoes on, I'll come with!" Bright smiles, you reminded yourself when it felt like wavering.

“I'd rather go alone."

“Right." It wanted to falter so bad, “How long are you gonna be gone? I could make you lunch to go or something."

“I'm okay."

You fidgeted with your fingers, “Yeah, okay, well, um, have fun." Then he was gone, without a kiss, even a hug goodbye. Come to think of it there hadn't been any at all for a while, not even in the morning which is something he'd always do. So after a few days failing with those attempts you'd convinced yourself of a different reason.

“Annie, be honest with me, do you think I'm pretty?" The two of you had been out in the garden of Victors Village and she seemed taken aback.

“Honey, of course you're pretty. You're beautiful, what brought this on?" She dropped what she was doing to look at you.

You darted around the specifics, “What about the way I dress, is it too frumpy?"

“No! There's nothing wrong with anything about you." Her voice was so soft and she felt like the only person you could talk to now that Finnick had pushed himself away from you. “What's going on?"

You felt yourself finally crying all the held back tears you'd hid for the moments alone, “What if he's found someone prettier and more exciting?” You sobbed out and Annie hugged you.

"Finnick worships the ground you walk on, he'd never do that.”

"He barely even talks to me anymore, Annie. It's like I don't exist.”

“He's just going through a rough patch, it's not your fault."

Regardless of what Annie said, you disagreed. He must have had someone else, but you couldn't confront him about it. No, if you did then it would become real and he'd leave you for them. There had to be someone else taking on his hardships and loving him the way he'd once let you. So you bought new makeup, new lingerie, new clothes, tried to feel more attractive, more desirable. Yet it didn't seem like he even noticed.

You'd waited for his return all day, he'd left so early you hadn't even seen him. You made dinner praying that he'd see the effort you made, and find you irresistible once again. Of course, this effort seemed to be in vain.

“Welcome home, Finn!" You greeted when he walked through the front door, pained by the sound of your own faux bubbly voice. You put a plate down in front of his usual seat.

“Thanks." He mumbled and you smiled cheerfully. Perhaps you'd been too solemn and he'd prefer someone who exuded more sunshine-like behavior. “How was your day?" His voice was sharp, curt, but it was a conversation nonetheless. Always better than nothing.

“It was good!" You lied through your teeth, there hadn't been a single moment where your brain hadn't been infested with the thought of him pushing you away, him with someone else. It was something you desiped, you preferred to be in the moment. When you had been confident in yours and Finnick's relationship you could immerse yourself in the company of others, enjoy menial tasks with humming and daydreams, but now the isolation haunted your mind. “Annie and I planted some new flowers and cut some that recently finished blooming. I finally changed our vases out." He didn't even glance around, just kept eating. Your Finnick had always made an effort to look around, praise you for anything you did, he took pride in you, now the only thing he took pride in was being able to avoid you.

He curtly nodded his head in response and you felt like you might snap. Especially as the silence persisted, nothing except the sounds of the house and his fork clinking on the plate. You chewed at your bottom lip, leg bouncing up and down waiting for the smallest bit of conversation, but nothing came. Eventually you shot out of your seat, grabbed your plate, which you were sure you wouldn't be able to stomach, and began cleaning up dinner. Hands gripping each dish so hard as if to contain all the rage you'd been repressing.

“I can clean up." Finnick murmured as he rose.

Being lazy was another thing you thought could be a reason. He did so much for you and whatever you had to offer must not have been enough. Yes, he'd always insisted that you should just be his pretty girl that he could look at when he did the tasks, but in secret he must have just wanted you to resist and do more. So you vehemently shook your head, “No, I've got it!" Your voice was strained and several pitches too high to sound natural.

“It's fine, I can do it.” How dare he have the gall to sound annoyed with you.

“I've got it Finnick, just go to bed!" Or whatever the fuck else is he does to be away from you. You regretted how snappy you were, he wanted someone easy going, not how uptight you were being. But god, hate that man for how he looked like a wounded puppy dog. “Sorry." You muttered, only partially genuine. Harshly grabbing a glass to clean, hands gripping around it, so harshly it seemed that when you went to put it to dry, it shattered in your hand. Your reaction was delayed as you stood there in disbelief, you hated your life, “Fuck.”

Then his hand was on your back and you involuntarily jerked at the contact you hadn't felt for so long. “You're bleeding." How the hell was his voice still so stony, a mystery you'd never know the answer too. It sent tingles up your spine the way his hand was on your back, you missed his touch. He led you to the bathroom where he carefully tended to the cuts in your hand. Carefully taking out the pieces of glass and although you occasionally winced, it was like your brain couldn't comprehend the pain over the buzzing about his hand touching yours. But once he bandaged it up the touch was gone and so was he with a, “I'll clean up."

Fuck him, fuck him, fuck him, fuck him. But you hated being angry with him when he was probably going through something, he'd struggled so much and just needed help. Was it really excusable though when it was tearing you apart to be in all of this. You got up and without a second thought walked straight out the front door. Feet guiding you to the comfort of the beach. Of course it invoked memories of all the better times spent with Finnick, but out here at least you had the ocean. It has started to rain and you didn't care. Walking out into the sea, as far as you could touch, and letting the freedom of the waves surround you. And you screamed, at the sky, at the waters, into the night. Trying so desperately to let go of the aggression, so you could keep trying. Inhaling the salt air before you walked back inside, you could do this. Every relationship had trials and tribulations, but you could be stronger, stick together.

As you were walking back, Finnick was jogging towards you, “Are you okay?" There was actual emotion in his voice, you longed to be privileged to it more often.

“Yeah."

“I thought I… " He trailed off, hand running through his hair. The way he looked like he might cry sparked guilt in you, but also a sick pleasure that he actually cared. “You're gonna get sick." Just as quickly his tone returned to being straight-laced.

You didn't care, if you were sick maybe he would take care of you. So you walked inside and he said nothing. You showered and changed, you'd gotten a new nightgown that left little to the imagination. Maybe you could get a rise out of him, get him to touch you more. But he seemed to be fast asleep by the time you left the bathroom, so you slipped into bed beside him. In the past he'd always sleep with his arms around you, but now you slept beside each other rather than with one another. It left you cold, despite the blankets, which were barely there as he'd always been a blanket hog, which you used to tease him for, but was fine because you were attached to him. Now you laid there and felt yourself crying. You cursed yourself for it, not right now, but you couldn't stop. So you covered your mouth with a hand as you sobbed into it.

The next morning you felt him wake, but there was no energy to make breakfast. You were exhausted and it hadn't made him love you again anyways. So you drifted back off until the sound of floorboards creaking when he returned woke you up. You sat up in bed as he entered the bedroom. “Morning, Finn." The smile you worked hard to maintain was back.

“Morning." He mumbled and then his eyes faltered on you. That's when you remembered the nightgown, it was a relief for something to keep his eyes on you. ‘Love me, even if it's just for my body, love me in some way.’ Your brain begged to no avail. “Shower." He slowly said even though he'd very obviously grown hard.

You felt humiliated, completely embarrassed to be dressed the way you were and him to still not want you. It made you want to cry again, but you had to persist. Rising to get dressed until you heard your name. It took you a second to process that he was moaning it, you were right there and he was getting himself off to the thought of you when he could've just had the actual you. That had to be a new type of low. You hadn't even dared to touch yourself no matter how badly you wanted him because you knew nothing you did could match the things he'd made you feel. Yet here he was, so easily jerking off. There was nothing you could do except seethe as you got ready for your day. At least it was your name and not some other girls.

You were in the kitchen when he walked downstairs, “Going to the market." He announced and you got up from your chair.

“I'm coming too." It wasn't a question.

"No, it's okay. I've just got a couple things to grab.”

"So do I, so I'll just come along to grab them. You don't even have to stick by me, I'm just going.” You were exasperated. Honestly you hadn't left the confines of Victors Village for a while, besides when you tried to recall your look, and this would be a good opportunity to see if he was being honest. There was nothing you really had to get, but at least you'd somewhat had his company.

He said nothing but waited as you put on your sandals and then the two of you set off. The silence was deafening as you two walked, your Finnick would always hold your hand, would've taken you from booth to booth and ramble on endlessly, buy anything you glanced at with interest, but now he stood too far away for your hands to even brush by each other. The bustling of the market was a relief and for the first time in a long time you naturally smiled. Although it was jarring how quickly Finnick put on a smile, made conversation with all these people when he hadn't blessed you with the same thing. In fact, it instantly dampened your mood.

“Haven't seen you in so long, missed seeing that pretty smile!" All your favorite vendors gushed and you'd smile, make small talk. Even if everything made you think of Finnick. When was the last time he'd called you pretty? When was the last time he kissed you?

“You look a little sad, are you alright?" And you'd insist you were just feeling a little under the weather. You'd somewhat kept your distance from Finnick until you saw him laughing with a girl in the market. When was the last time he'd laughed with you? Is this what he did, found pretty girls in the market, charmed them, and went back home with them?

You'd slowly approached and showed fake interest in one of her necklaces. “They're real pearls." She said. She was so pretty, stunning. What did she have that you didn't? You hummed, smiling and without a word, Finnick was handing you money.

‘I don't want your money, I want you to pay attention to me.’ You thought and shook your head, “I don't need your money, Finn." The only thing you'd want from him was something he'd pick out because he wanted to give it to you, something he'd always done if you hadn't been there with him. Showing up at home with little treasures to show off to you. He looked at you quizzically, it wasn't like you had any money of your own on you.

“Is this your girlfriend?" The woman asked, her voice was sweet like sugar, you were too gruff, that's what you were missing.

Right now though, your voice was breathy, anxious. “Yeah." The woman must have been able to sense something off because she looked at you with pity. Finnick left the money on the counter by you regardless of what you said and walked off. You sighed.

“I'm sorry, I didn't know."

You gave a sad smile, “It's okay, not your fault." You picked the money up, ready to go find him.

“He's just a guy, even if he's Finnick Odair, don't let him dim your spark." It should've been encouraging, except you knew you loved him too much to ever leave him.

You found him, chatting and smiling as he bought produce. You missed his smile. “Here." You said quietly, handing him his money.

“Where's the necklace?"

“Didn't need it." You didn't care about needing it, you care that he would rather have you buy things for yourself then make you feel valued.

He huffed, like you were frustrating him, annoying him. “Okay, use it to find something else then. You said you weren't going to stick around me." You couldn't stop yourself from physically recoiling from his venom.

“I just came to tell you I was going home." You said weakly, staring at the ground. “Have fun." Your voice cracked slightly and you didn't even bother looking up as you walked home. Immediately settling yourself into bed where you refused to move. Eventually he came home, something clicked onto the dresser table, the sun went down and you stayed put. When he crawled into bed the most movement you made was flipping onto your side to have the protection of your back facing him.

For days it was a cycle of laying in bed, only rising once he left, usually to stand under the burning hot water in the shower until your skin felt raw. Then immediately returning back to bed. He'd return, put something on the dresser, and you'd stay still. Eventually one night he'd come home and sat at your feet, mattress dipping. “We need to talk."

Your hands clamped over your ears, this was it, he was done with you, all that effort for nothing. The anxiety knotted in your stomach, “I'm gonna be sick." You forced yourself up and found yourself throwing up in the toilet, Finnick holding your hair back.

“Hey, it's okay. It's okay, sweet girl." When you were done you said nothing as you brushed your teeth, praying he would leave and forget whatever bad news he was surely bearing. But he didn't, he waited and sat on the bed, waiting for you. Who exited, arms crossed, trying not to cry.

“Please don't break up with me." It was pathetic to beg for but he stood up, looking bewildered.

“No, no, no, I'm not gonna break up with you, sweet girl. I wouldn't even think of it." His hands cradled your face and you melted into them.

Finally you let the tears fall, "Then what are we talking about?”

"I've been so terrible to you, a terrible partner, a terrible person. I…” He took a deep breath in, "I had a rough time in the Capitol, I always do, especially last time though. And I knew you would be able to tell and try to help, but it was easier for me to just block you out so I didn't have to deal with it. Because it hurts to think about." He was crying and it made your heart ache. "And I took you for granted. I didn't try to be there for you, I was selfish and I can't make up for it enough. I will spend the rest of my life making up for it.”

You were both sobbing and he pressed his forehead to yours. His hands were so warm, his touch was so perfect. "I want to help you.”

"I know.” He pulled his forehead away, putting his hands on your shoulders. "I need you to tell me how you felt. Not the sweet way you usually explain things, be honest, so honest.

You shook your head, “No, it's okay. It was just miscommunication."

“No, I think I nearly broke you and everybody else noticed before I did. I need to know your raw feelings, so I can attempt to make it up to you.” He let go of your shoulders and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"I thought you were cheating on me.” You said quietly, anxiously playing with your fingers. He already looked hurt, "Like you found someone else because I wasn't, I don't know, fun enough, pretty enough, hardworking enough. And you didn't want me to do anything with you ever or notice anything I did for you." You took a deep breath, you could feel yourself getting angrily worked up and he could tell.

“If you're angry, be angry." He said and you obeyed.

“And I bought new clothes for you, changed my makeup routine, smiled more, made all your favorites, woke up earlier, tried to take on burdens and you said nothing. Do you know how lonely I was? How bad that made me feel about myself? One day you weren't letting me lift a finger, telling me you loved me, now pretty I was, and the next I thought I'd never hear any of that again, let alone have you touch me. No kisses, or hugs, you didn't even hold me when we slept! And you were so closed off and sometimes mean on top of that and all I wanted was your attention. Until finally I gave up because at least even if you weren't really with me, I still had you, and I didn't want you to leave me just because I found out there was someone else, which is so fucked. And then I thought, maybe at the very least, he’ll have me for my body, I had new lingerie, I tried and you didn't give a fuck. No, you got yourself off in the goddamn bathroom and I was right here!” Your voice had risen and your inhales were sharp between the ranting, "And everytime I hated what you were doing to me, I'd feel bad because what you've been through is so much worse and I should still try to be there for you. So I tried and then you'd be annoyed with me and it was like torture. And I swear to god, if you ever do that again, I'll leave.” A weight lifted off of your chest and he hugged you.

“I'm so sorry, I won't ever do it again, I love you so much, you're so pretty and kind and I need you in my life." You held onto him like he would slip away, kissing away your tears that were falling even though he was also crying. He held you until the sobbing had mostly subsided, “You know I bought you all these stupid gifts when you were laying there, thinking it would make you feel better, but I don't even think you noticed." He chuckled and you turned your head, not wanting to tear away from him. All you could see was the necklace from where you were standing. “Not that it would've done anything after all the time I spent letting the castle crumble around us.

"Thank you.” It was muttered and then he tried to pull out of the hug which made you whine. Trying to cling on forever.

His hand tilted your chin towards him, “You wanna put one of those sets on that you got for me so I can show you how pretty you are and how sorry I am for neglecting my sweet girl?"

𓈒⠀𓂃⠀⠀˖⠀𓇬⠀˖⠀⠀𓂃⠀𓈒

sorry y'all angst is my default settings. thank you for reading, comments, likes, reblogs, feedbacks is all super appreciated. asks and requests are open, love you all, sorry again 💋

taglist: @wowzabowza69

[lzlxmuse]

Just a Kiss

sakura haruka × f!reader ▪︎ the way he gets all shy with a kiss makes you want to tease him even more.

contain: suggestive work, shy sakura, reader is a tease.

It started with a simple kiss. Just a peck to his lips when you saw how adorable Sakura was as he grumbled over another loss from the game against you.

A grin emerged as you saw how he still goes all red up to his ears when you kiss him. Just like the first time when you took his first kiss. Still as shy and adorable as ever. Your boyfriend, your Haru.

Seeing him like that made a thought wander into your mind. How red could he get if I pushed him? And so you did it again. You gave him another peck to his lips. This time, your lips stayed flush against his for a while. You felt the heat on his lips transferring to yours before you backed off. Lashes fluttering open, you glanced up to see him even redder than before. Wow!

“Wh–what was that for?” Sakura turned his head away in embarrassment. One of his hands covering his own lips. The other gripped the controller so hard you heard it creaking.

You easily pried it off his hand and placed it down. It would be bad if he actually broke it. It's not cheap at all! The fleeting thought then went away, and your focus came back to him.

“Do I need a reason to kiss my boyfriend?” You tilted your head in an innocent manner, but the curve of your lips betrayed the facade.

You looked at him in silence as he pretended to cough and tried to compose himself. Once he finally managed to meet your eyes and said, “Well, I guess it's fine. But! You gotta tell me about it before! Or else–”

“Or else what?” You parroted back.

“Ugh! Or else… I–I…” Sakura's face started going all red once more.

“Hm?” You waited for his reply.

“Or else I'm gonna get all shy and wouldn't know what to do! Damn it!” Sakura squeezed his eyes shut and finally vomited his embarrassing words out. He had even panted at the end as if he had lost all his breath.

“...Oh, I see.” You replied in a calm manner. Well, as calm as you could fake it. It may be embarrassing for him, but to you, it was basically like a declaration of love. It was his sincere feeling.

You felt your heart going all excited from his sincere words. Well, not just your heart actually. Somewhere down there was also getting excited. You felt it squeezed at nothing before a wet trickle seemed to seep out. Whether it got all excited because of Sakura's sincere words or because of how embarrassed he looks, you weren't sure. Maybe it was due to both.

Taking a deep breath, you leaned closer to him and traced your fingers over his clenched fists. You could feel the raised veins over the back of his skin. You tilted your head a bit to the side and looked up at him. “Then, can I kiss you now, Haru?”

You felt the shiver rising over his skin as your fingers now traced over his tense arms. He knew you only called him Haru when you were excited.

He got all quiet before finally answering with a, “...yes.”

A smile bloomed over your face, and then you closed the distance.