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jaylienpotter · 8 months

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Part 4 of Let them be | 1k words

> Part 3 | Part 5 (to come) <

Credit to @starsarestories for suggesting including Hagrid in marauders fics!

Let people want none

"Comin'!" With a loud creak, the wooden door opened wide. "Ah, Peter! What'cha doin' here? Come in!" Rubeus Hagrid was a half giant who was Hogwarts' gamekeeper. He was extremely sweet, despite his intimidating figure. He had guided Pettigrew and Potter on their first day there and they quickly warmed up to the hairy man. Peter went to his cabin from time to time.

"Hello Hagrid. I'm honestly hiding from my peers, you're a calmer presence so I came here. Hope that's alright?"

"O' course! Hungry?" The man infamous for his cooking skills. If Hagrid invited him for tea, he felt bad refusing, eating the rock hard pastries he made. The flavour wasn't bad. It was just hard to chew.

"No, thank you."

"Tea?"

"Yeah, alright. Thanks." He prepared the tea and sat opposite to the student.

"So. What'cha hidin' for? Did ye get into a fight?" No, but he had been further from starting one.

"No. It's just… It's James. He keeps messing with me, saying I fancy this person. But I don't! And it's really frustrating…"

"Ye told him that already?"

"I keep telling him Benjy and I are just friends- Benjy is the one I'm talking about. Benjamin Fenwick, Ravenclaw, a year above." Hagrid nodded once, maybe he knew Ben. Or he was just being polite. "But James doesn't believe me. Says I'm in bloody denial. But I don't like Benjy that way!"

"Yer just not gay, that's alrigh'. Ye can be close to a friend."

"It's not that… I never fancied anyone. At all. Girls or boys. Sybill liked me at one point and she's sweet and passionate and pretty but… I just don't feel it. Maybe I'm broken…"

"Nonsense! Yer so young, ye'll find the right person, don't worry boy." Wormtail exhaled after taking a sip from the hot wonky mug.

"You don't understand, I… I don't think I'm capable of feeling that, you know? Like… everyone is coupling now. James is head over heels for Evans as usual. I think she's gaining a liking for him, which will make him impossible to be with. Marlene and Dorcas are a couple. Oh, Remus and Sirius got together by the way."

"Ah, did they? Good for 'em. I think they make a good couple."

"Yes, finally. They're two oblivious idiots. But anyways. Everyone is all lovey-dovey and I just… don't get it? I don't see what's so special about being in love. If anything it seems annoying and disgusting. And everyone is expecting me to join in but I don't want to…"

"Then don't. Simple. Ye gotta learn not to fall under pressure, Peter." He did have a point. Saying 'no' was a very difficult task.

"But what if I never feel fulfilled?"

"Lemme tell ye a secret, Pete. Ya don't need a partner nor family to be happy. I'm happy and haven't had a girlfriend since my years at Hogwarts. It's just been me and my animals. It's enough for me. Some people, like James, need love to feel fulfilled but not everyone. Some people don't care about it or do not wish for it. One example is Professor Mcgonagall."

"She's never had a partner?"

"Not as far as I'm aware. She much rather have her space and doin' other things. An' that works. Maybe it's what works for ye too." His head of house was a brilliant witch. Tired, for sure, but who wouldn't be when you have the Marauders as your students?

"I see… Maybe you're right. But how do I tell people? Everyone will think I'm odd."

"Just say ye don' feel that attraction. Ye prefer friendship. Or don't say nothin'. Ye don't owe anyone explanations, yeah? Do what feels best for ye." Wormtail relaxed. He needed to hear it. That he wasn't broken. He wasn't the only one like that. And it was okay.

"Thanks, Hagrid. I'm glad I came to talk to you."

"Anytime. Always good to have som' company. Ye welcome to come over whenever, alright?" The boy smiled and nodded, finishing his tea and saying his goodbyes.

"You won't believe it! I got my hands on an Incredible Hulk! Can't wait to read it!" He might not have been a scholar like Remus. And big literacy books were boring to him. Comics, however? He owned a huge collection. Marvel was his favourite.

"That's great! You'll have to tell me about it when you finish." Benjy was the only one really willing to listen to him ramble about the things he liked. James read comics too, but it was hard to have a conversation about it, Prongs always ended up being the only one talking, too absorbed to notice he was cutting off Wormy. It wasn't his fault, yet it still made the short boy feel invisible. Not with Benjamin, though.

"You can read it afterwards, if you want. And then we can discuss it."

"Thanks but I prefer it when you explain it. You're cute when you're excited." Pettigrew wasn't stupid. He knew his friends were right when they said Fenwick fancied him. He would just rather pretend he didn't know. Pretend it's not true. Live in ignorant bliss.

"Oh, thanks. So uhm… Have you been drawing?" Ravenclaws were mostly known for their intelligence and academic values. What people often forgot was how it was also the House of creativity.

"Yeah, here and there." A comfortable pause followed, the mood shifted as soon as the silence broke. "Pete… Can I tell you something?" Oh no. No… No, please don't confess. Please. Everything was going so well…

"Sure, what's up?" His voice sounded casual, even though his stomach took a toll. If this was anything like what people described as 'butterflies in their stomach', Wormtail was glad he didn't feel attraction.

"You probably know this already- or you don't and are oblivious. But… I like you. As in I fancy you. Have been for a while." The Ravenclaw probably wasn't expecting that reaction. Maybe a rejection, an unsureness or if he got lucky, a kiss. Instead he was met with sadness. Pettigrew looked down, leg bouncing from anxiety. "Please say something…"

"I can't…" Voice broken, much how he felt inside. "I-I can't love like that… It's not-"

"'It's not you, it's me', heard that one."

"No, Benjy! Listen to me, please… I don't think I'm capable of having romantic feelings. I can't bring myself to be interested in any of those things. Kisses grosses me, couples annoy me, the whole societal norms in regards to love leave me bloody fuming! I don't know why I'm like this. I just really don't like that sappy stuff. It's not for me. And if I did like it and feel romantic attraction, I would've definitely dated you. It just doesn't feel right to be with anyone… I'm sorry for giving you any wrong signals…"

"It's okay. I thought there was something, sorry for misinterpreting our relationship." No, don't go!

"No! Benjy there is! Just because it's platonic doesn't mean it's not special! You're my best friend…"

"I… I thought it was the Marauders?"

"Well… James is sort of on your level. But you've been climbing your way up, I feel. Remus is a good friend and Sirius too but… Nothing compared to you. You make me feel loved, like I'm worth something."

"You're worth the whole world…"

"Then let's not change things… I'd really hate it if you stopped being my friend because of this…" No, go back inside! Bloody tears!

"Okay. If that's what you want, I'm happy to just be near you. We can keep our Wednesday tea dates. Platonically!" The small boy chuckled. Benjy was the best, he made everything better. Wormtail could always count on him.

"I'd like that." Ben opened his arms wide and Wormy walked there in baby steps until his head was against his friend's chest. He let himself be hugged, taken care of. "Are you mad?"

"At you? Never."

"I'm sorry for this. You're truly special, Ben."

"So are you. As a lover or a friend. So are you, Petey..." They stayed like that for a while. And then they carried as usual, their bond the same as before, if not stronger. Things hadn't gone the way Benjamin wanted them to, but the Marauder knew he got touched by being called a best friend. And Peter meant every word of it. Not loving romantically didn't mean not loving at all. Platonic love was just as important, just as intense, just as real.

#Can u tell its inspired by Heartstopper?#Isaac is my beloved #I already hc Wormtail as aroace bfr #But then Ravenrock came along #So this is a mix!#Hope you liked it hehe #peter pettigrew #benjy fenwick #rubeus hagrid #Hagrid #marauders fic #marauders #marauders era #the marauders #marauders fandom #harry potter marauders #dead gay wizards #aroace peter pettigrew #We stan Hagrid

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ina-nis · 8 days

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Every time one of my friends tell me how much they care about me, how important I am to them and how much they love me platonically, I feel like a part of me dies inside.

I'm so incredibly thankful for them, for their feelings and for the care they put into our friendship, and yet, it's an explicit reminder that they will never see me how I see them, that they will never want something else from this connection, because this is already the maximum it could reach for them: that's all they need from it. I'm happy for them.

I feel miserable.

I feel worthless, I feel unlovable, even though I know it's not true.

I feel like I'm wasting time and energy nurturing relationships that leave me constantly drained and so terribly lonely.

I won't resent my friends for rejecting me anymore, but it still doesn't fulfill me, my needs remain unmet, I remain frustrated and this whole predicament is so depressing.

Why can't people see me as a potential romantic partner?

Why is it that I'm always the best friend, but that's all I am?

How can I even get people to see me romantically, my friends even?

What am I supposed to do to change that?

I won't cut people off my life anymore, and being detached to distant from them won't change a thing - I do like my friend close to me anyways.

I don't know what to do, I wish these feelings didn't hurt so much...

#romantic love #loneliness #inanis post

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saellefanwork · 4 months

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𝕋𝕙𝕖 𝕋𝕖𝕒𝕣𝕤 𝕠𝕗 𝕋𝕚𝕞𝕖

Reminder: This Demon Slayer fic is rated Mature (adults only) for canon-typical violence and eventual suggestive or explicit sexual content

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Chapter 26: Grief and Gratitude

Tanjiro visits Kyojuro to see how he is holding on.

Author's note: Happy New Year with delay guuuuys! Sorry that I'm a bit late, I was more wasted than expected after the new year lmao. That's the pros and cons of hosting the party, I guess. Not everyone can be as flashy as our dear Uzui the days following such an incredible night of cosplaying and playing board/video games with my gang!

Anyway, this is a long chapter, and I think it's FINALLY a calm one where some good things happen. 2024 shall bring less angst and suffering to our characters, I swear!

There's actually only two chapters left. The rest will be bonuses!

Kyojuro held your hand, which seemed so delicate and cold in his, his eyes tracing the calluses and scars that adorned your palm and fingers. To most, such marks might appear unsightly, but the former Flame Pillar found them beautiful. They were the hands of a warrior who had battled, bled, and made profound sacrifices in the relentless pursuit of protecting others.

As a Pillar of the Kisatsutai, he was no stranger to the concept of sacrifice. To fulfill his duty and shield the vulnerable or his subordinates, he had willingly placed his life on the line, time and time again, without a moment's hesitation. Yet, upon reflection, he could recognize the boundaries of his own resolve when compared to yours. As a proud heir of the Rengokus, he found himself unable, or at the very least highly reluctant, to compromise his image, dignity, or principles. Becoming a demon, remaining one to vanquish his foes and save innocent people, or even accepting the loss of a civilian to ambush an Upper Moon—these were not options for him if the decisions were his to make. But you, you could seize such opportunities, unburdened by the fear of tarnishing your honor if it meant safeguarding your loved ones or more lives. To fight against monsters, one must accept the possibility of becoming a monster himself. Sacrifices were part of being a Demon Slayer, a reality well known to all, yet few were willing to soil their hands to fulfill their duty. By shouldering such weight, you demonstrated a level of selflessness that exceeded his own. In this aspect, you reminded him of his dear friend Tengen, who had quite a dark past too. Both of you were more honorable than him in his opinion, even though others might unjustly criticize your lifepaths. He acknowledged that he, too, had been unjust to you at some point.

His thoughts meandered through memories of the challenging last few months that the two of you had faced together. It was difficult to fathom that nearly a year ago, he had professed his love to you for the first time, after years of close friendship. The recollection of your initial kiss brought a faint smile to his lips, though the subsequent events left him burdened with profound sorrow and regret. His upbringing had instilled within him a stringent code of conduct, deeply rooted in bushido principles, but it offered no pardon for his past actions. He understood that you had forgiven him already, yet he longed to voice his remorse once more. How much he wanted to talk to you again...

"Rengoku-san Aniki..."

The Hashira raised his head slightly upon hearing his name, his thoughts disrupted as he turned halfway toward the room's entrance. He must have been deeply engrossed in his contemplation not to have sensed the presence of his former tsuguko approaching The young man stood near the door, his expression tinged with concern.

"Come over here, Tanjiro my boy," Kyojuro invited, tapping the seat beside him, unconsciously mimicking their second meeting on the train. The charcoal burner was taken aback by his superior addressing him by his given name, although Giyuu was also using it since the Hashira training. It wasn't unwelcome; in fact, quite the opposite. He nodded warmly and approached with a smile, which turned sad as he glanced at you.

"Nagase-san, she is..."

"Hmm! Kanoko has been in a coma for three months, as I'm sure your little sister has explained to you," Kyojuro began, his voice remaining as robust and steady as ever. "Nezuko has been a tremendous aid in taking care of her. The butterfly girls fon't allow me to tend to her, citing modesty and feminine dignity, so all I can do is hold her hand when they're not attending to her."

Tanjiro smiled compassionately at his former mentor, finding it admirable that Kyojuro could still provide kind and reassuring smiles despite the helplessness he must be feeling. He could hear and smell the worry and hint of self-deprecation that the retired Pillar exuded.

"I was informed that her body has endured significant strain due to her Blood Demon Art," Tanjiro confirmed as he settled into the offered seat. "But her scent suggests she's in a peaceful slumber, at least. I wouldn't be surprised if she awakens soon," he added with sincerity, wearing an encouraging smile.

Kyojuro's large eyes widened slightly as he gazed at his tsuguko, then his expression softened. "That's wonderful news, Tanjiro! I also have faith she'll wake up soon, but it's comforting to hear it from a person who truly believes it too."

The two young men remained at your side for an extended period, sharing updates and easygoing conversation, occasionally punctuated by tranquil silences. The months they had spent together as master and disciple had forged a camaraderie that resembled a fraternal bond, something that the boy in the checkered haori found both gratifying and pride-worthy.

"Rengo... Kyojuro-san," Tanjiro ventured timidly, emboldened by the informal address now used by his senpai. He was relieved to see that the older man didn't correct him. "How about we take a walk outside? It might help clear your mind, and I need to attend my recovery training anyway."

"Excellent idea!" Kyojuro responded enthusiastically. "How about I supervise your training, as a tribute to the months you've spent as my tsuguko?"

"With pleasure!" the young boy replied, his enthusiasm undiminished, despite his lingering apprehension. He vividly remembered the demanding nature of the Flame Pillar's tutoring, but he was not one to shy away from challenges or intimidation. He was the eldest son after all!

You awoke for the first time since the final battle a few days after the conversation between Tanjiro and Kyojuro. The enticing aroma of food miraculously pulled you out of the limbo where you had been immersed for months. Slowly, you opened your eyes, your stomach growling despite your confused state. The first thing that met your gaze was Aoi leaning over you, her brows furrowed, her serious face almost entirely filling your blurred field of vision.

She professionally lifted your eyelids and examined each of your pupils before straightening.

"It's good to see you've regained consciousness, Nagase-san. You've been showing signs of restlessness in your slumber for a few hours now, so I suspected you'd wake up soon. How do you feel?"

"Very weak...," you murmured, your voice hoarse and almost inaudible. "Food... smells good..."

"Does it? It's just soup, though. Now that you're fully human again, you can have it for dinner. Sorry that your first meal in so long can't be something more special, but you'll need to eat soft food for at least a few days."

Despite your disoriented state, a powerful emotion overcame you. Human food, not the blood of wild animals or the one of your dear comrades... you had almost forgotten how a real good meal tasted. How long had you been asleep, anyway? Your gaze instinctively turned toward the window above you. The setting sun bathed the cherry blossoms and plum trees of the Butterfly Estate's courtyard in a silky light with warm pink hues. It was already spring… You couldn't help but feel a twinge of sadness at having missed so much precious time with your loved ones.

Aoi supported you to sit up and slipped the tray of food in front of you. Despite the hunger and the joy of being human again (and alive), a question gnawed at you.

"Kyojuro...?"

"He's doing well. He had to be placed in intensive care after the battle, but he was only unconscious for two weeks afterward. He started his rehabilitation a month ago." Rehabilitation? You didn't have time to inquire further as she continued, "He was doing exercises with Tanjiro and Inosuke. I didn't want to give him false hope, so I didn’t tell him that you might wake up soon, but I saw Kaname-san fly off his perch when you emerged. He should be back any moment now."

You had many questions, but it was difficult to speak, so you settled for nodding and focused on eating. Soup had never feel so good, and it was frustrating that your hand trembled a whole lot. Your watchful assistant only intervened when necessary, letting you reacquaint yourself with moving again as much as possible. After a few spoonfuls, you already began to feel a bit better.

Toward the end of the laborious meal, Kyojuro burst into the chamber with a deafening crash of the western door.

"Kanoko! You're really awake!" he exclaimed with a huge smile, his face radiating both contagious joy and profound relief.

"Don't shout in the patient's room," Aoi snapped at him.

Ignoring her, your childhood friend jumped swiftly to your side, taking your hand in his. His shunpo made an unusual, loud clicking sound, almost like he had struck the ground with something hard, but your foggy mind didn't delve into the details. You smiled tenderly at your beloved, gently caressing his face with your free hand. He hastily kissed your palm and rested his cheek against it, gazing at you with fondness. Embarrassed by your open displays of affection, Aoi coughed and grumbled about the Flame Pillar's incorrigible behavior.

"Kyojuro... I'm relieved to see you in good shape," you said with an amused tone, as much as your rusty vocal cords allowed.

"Hmm! Kocho's rehabilitation therapy is as effective as ever. You'll be back on your feet soon too, Kanoko! Right, Kanzaki?"

He turned his attention to your nurse, seeking her confirmation, but Aoi's countenance took on a somber and sorrowful complexion. She tightly gripped the hem of her apron, nervously fidgeting with it.

"Um... yes! My master has already prepared customized treatments for both of you. You'll regain your strength quickly, Nagase-san."

Your gaze shifted between Kyojuro, whose expression had subtly closed off although he maintained a reassuring smile, and the remorseful young girl before you. You decided to address the aspiring doctor directly.

"What do I need to know, Kanzaki? I was aware of the risks every time I used my Blood Demon Art. What's the final diagnosis?"

Aoi's countenance deepened into a new shade of sadness, but she responded, "Well... according to Shinobu-senpai's analyses, it appears that the Time Backlash has caused irreversible damage to your body, Nagase-san... especially the last two instances during your transition back to your human form. While most of your battle injuries have left minor scars, many of your organs seem to have weakened, as if they've prematurely aged. I'm truly sorry to have to deliver this news like this, but... in this state, it's unlikely that you will live past thirty."

The absence of surprise in Kyojuro's darkened expression, who was no longer smiling, indicated that he had already been informed of the situation. He inspected your reaction with concern, raising his eyebrows when he noticed you softly laughing.

"In the context of a demon hunter's lifespan, thirty years equates to old age. An early end is a small price to pay for the miracles granted by my Blood Demon Art, and it would be in poor taste to complain when Marked individuals have even less time ahead of them." A menacing anguish stirred within you as you thought of the fate awaiting most of the remaining Pillars and Tanjiro... but you pushed it aside for now. Kyojuro held your hand tighter; you managed to continue, "I have no regrets. Thank you for informing me about all this, Kanzaki."

"Don't thank me... you have every right to be angry or sad, you know. What's happening to you is unfair. The rest of us stayed behind, which is why we are alive and in good health. On the other hand, you fought valiantly, and..."

She burst into tears, unable to finish her sentence.

"...And we were rewarded with a magnificent victory," Kyojuro continued, completing her thought and placing a comforting hand on her shoulder. "The end of a thousand-year-old war. That is worth all the sacrifices. We did it precisely because we didn’t want others to go through the same hardships as we did. Unlike many fallen comrades, we even have the chance to witness the dawn of a world without demons, where the new generations can live without fearing the night. Don't be sad, Kanzaki. Let's cherish the time we have left together, in honor of those who departed this world too soon. And who knows, miracles may happen!"

Aoi continued to cry while nodding vigorously. "I promise we'll do our best to keep you healthy for as long as possible! We'll defy the odds!"

"I have no doubt that you all will do an extraordinary job, thank you!" Kyojuro exclaimed enthusiastically, his gentle pat turning into an encouraging slap on her shoulder.

"Whatever happens, we'll forever be grateful for your care," you added with a sincere smile.

Aoi threw herself into your arms, and both you and Kyojuro chuckled at her outpouring of emotion. It was rare to see the young girl in this state, as she typically wore a mask of severity and discontent. You returned her embrace warmly, gently rubbing top of her head.

The butterfly nurse eventually left the room, and you quickly drifted back to sleep after the meal, your body still recovering. Kyojuro remained steadfast by your side throughout the night, despite the staff's insistence that he should lie in the neighboring bed. You didn't try to persuade him otherwise, fully aware of his stubbornness and relishing the comfort of having him close.

Dawn broke, and you awoke again, a habit perhaps formed during your last year as a demon desperately avoiding daylight. Sensing your restlessness, Kyojuro opened his valid eye as well.

"What's wrong, Kanoko? Is there something you need?"

"The sunrise..." you whispered, your voice strained from fatigue.

Initially, Kyojuro assumed you were still half asleep and was about to reassure you that the sun couldn't harm you anymore. However, he soon realized that fear was not the cause of your reaction. With an understanding gleam in his eye, he gently lifted you into his arms, cradling you as if you weighed nothing. He swiftly wrapped a blanket around you then carefully carried you outside. Once again, you noticed something different in his gait and the sound of his footsteps, but your thoughts were swept away when he executed a leap that brought you both to the rooftop. A tile broke beneath him after his slightly ungraceful landing, and he muttered to himself about Kocho going to kill him later for that mishap.

You chuckled softly, abruptly halting as you felt the first rays of light on your skin. Your gaze wandered toward the horizon, where the lush tropical forest and the mountains gradually came to life under the gentle morning glow. The colors of spring blossomed before you, vibrant and more captivating than ever, while the melodious symphony of birds celebrated the dawning of a new era. As you observed the daystar emerging from the dew-kissed landscape, you couldn't help but be reminded of Kyojuro's warmth. The soothing rays caressed your skin, which had grown pale after a year of darkness. You closed your eyes, basking in the embrace of the sunshine, a tear of joy tracing a path down your cheek. The Flame Hashira watched you in profound silence as you savored your first peaceful sunrise.

"My time as a demon has been a challenge for both of us, but I want to thank you for being my guiding light through this long and painful night," you whispered serenely.

You couldn't see it, but a myriad of emotions danced across Kyojuro's features. You felt him draw nearer, and he pressed a gentle kiss to your temple, his touch welcome, though you could sense it was tinged with a hint of restraint. You opened your eyes, meeting the blazing sea of his gaze. You couldn't help but get lost momentarily in the contemplation of his captivating beauty, his radiance accentuated by the blessing of the morning sun.

"In truth, Kanoko, it's the opposite," he murmured. "Thank you for all the times you saved me, despite knowing the consequences it would have on our relationship and your own well-being. Without your unwavering dedication and sacrifices, I don't know if we would have won, and for sure I would have never experienced the joy of witnessing the dawn of a demon-free world with you."

His words brought a lump to your throat, and you lifted your head to capture his lips in a kiss filled with profound emotions. You perceived a fleeting hesitation and a hint of tension on his side, causing you to pull back slightly, searching his eye with a questioning expression. He averted his gaze uncomfortably.

"I didn't want us to have this discussion right away, but... it seems necessary now. I love you with all my heart, Kanoko. My deepest desire is to cherish the years we have left together and make the most of it. However, given our potentially limited time, I would understand if you felt the need to seek someone with a better chance of living a full life, a man who could watch your future children grow if you decide to have any," he spoke slowly, each word carefully chosen.

You could sense the load of his speech, the difficult contemplation he had undertaken while you were in your coma. The recent events must have weighed heavily on him, and it was clear that he had grappled with this resolution to give up on you. It struck you that your positions had reversed from a previous conversation you'd had, right before he embarked on his mission aboard the Mugen Train.

"What about you, Kyojuro?" you asked, your gaze fixed on him. "Do you desire to find a healthy partner who might have a better chance of raising your future children?"

The former Flame Pillar shook his head firmly, his gentle smile unwavering as he looked deep into your eyes.

"No, I don't. I want no one but you in my life, and I believe I'd rather be alone than seek another solely for the sake of normalcy. However, I would like you to take some time to seriously consider it, now that we are free from our duties and can meditate on these matters. I wouldn't want to deprive you selfishly of a better future; I could never forgive myself if I did."

You rolled your eyes, hoping to convey that he was worrying needlessly.

"Kyojuro… Do you truly believe I would give up on you after all we've been through to hold onto each other? I don't want anyone else in my life either."

Despite your reassurances, you could tell that he had something more to say.

"Even if I'm not… the same as before?" he whispered uncertainly.

The vulnerability in his voice left you momentarily speechless. Sensing your confusion, Kyojuro lifted the folds of his hakama, revealing his left leg—or rather, the absence of it. In place of his limb was a prosthesis, primarily composed of wood and lightweight metal, stopping just short of the knee. You didn't recall that your companion had lost his leg during the battle, but he had been seriously injured and poisoned in that area. Perhaps Shinobu had deemed amputation necessary afterward due to complications.

Kyojuro expected a horrified or more saddened reaction, but you didn't show much surprise; instead, your irises lit up with understanding. The strange noises when he walked and his 'clumsiness' on the rooftop now made sense. Your expression softened, and you gently caressed the prosthesis. Was he afraid you would love him less because of his wounds or perceived weakness? You knew that the loss of his half his eyesight had affected him more than he had let on already. But to you, he was more than just raw strength, bravery, or swordsmanship. He was the person closest to your heart, and he was the most beautiful man in the world to you, with or without any scars or disabilities. You could only hope to help him see that.

"Really, Kyojuro... is this the best you can do to try to convince me that there's a worthier match for me? Because that's not working very well." you replied with a teasing smile.

He looked at you in surprise, not expecting your lighthearted response, before letting out an amused breath. He knew you well enough to realize that he wouldn't change your mind anytime soon. So he gave in to his desires and leaned closer to you, placing his lips on yours and adding his warmth to the daylight.

The following morning, your first recovery training exercises began. They weren't harsh, but given your condition, even standing proved to be a challenge. You could feel just how weakened your body had become, and something inside you told you that, apart from your life expectancy, you might never fully regain your pre-demonization strength and vitality. However, mastering total concentration breathing allowed you to get back on your feet relatively quickly, and after a few days, you could walk without support. It was at this point that Kyojuro proposed taking a stroll through the Kisatsutai cemetery, a suggestion to which you readily agreed. Although you had only briefly been a part of this army and had known only a fraction of its members, you still wanted to pay your respects to your fallen comrades. The idea of informing these brave warriors that their fight was over and they could finally rest in peace felt like an important step in allowing both of you to move forward.

As you strolled through the graves, placing a flower at each tombstone, you quickly ran out of chrysanthemums. You had left some baskets behind, thinking you might not have the energy for an extended walk, but since you were feeling fine, Kyojuro offered to go back to fetch them. He took a shortcut across the woods, perhaps pushing his prosthesis a little too hard, but he couldn't help testing his limits. You let out an exasperated sigh as you watched him jump from a tree branch to another playfully, despite Shinobu's warnings not to engage in unnecessary risks. However, you knew better than to judge him harshly; after all, you were not much different and recently had your share of scoldings for the same reasons. Old habits died hard, it seems.

After waiting for a few minutes, you felt the approach of two individuals along the path, likely some former members of the Corps or relatives of the deceased.

"Anehue! You're back to normal!"

You turned just in time to intercept Senjuro, who had sprinted toward you from a distance and launched himself into your arms. Wide-eyed, you held him tightly, a lump forming in your throat. Kyojuro had promised that you would visit his family after you had regained enough stamina to make the journey back to Komazawa, so you didn't expect to see his littler brother so soon, but you welcomed the chance nonetheless. It had been almost a year since you had last met; he had grown so much, and the tips of his spiky bangs now brushed against your nose. His familiar scent enveloped you along with the warmth of his embrace, and you noticed he had become stronger, although he remained a relatively ordinary young boy in that regard.

"Senjuro... I missed you so much..."

That was all you managed to say without breaking into tears. The teenager was crying freely in your arms, and you hugged him even tighter. After a few moments, you finally released him and took a step back, looking into his eyes for the first time after such a long time. The resemblance between the Rengokus was still as striking as ever, and Senjuro's puberty only emphasized his connection with his brother and father.

"Me too, Anehue... I'm so happy to see you again." His bass voice had deepened somewhere between his thirteenth and fourteenth spring. "Now that you're back to your human form and awake, we can see each other like we used to, right?"

You were about to respond affirmatively but froze as you remembered sensing another presence approaching earlier, now standing behind Senjuro. With a sinking feeling in your stomach, you slowly raised your eyes to the third party, already knowing who it was: Rengoku Shinjuro. He must have witnessed the entire exchange. How would he react to learning the truth about you?

Contrary to your expectations, the gruff man appeared surprisingly relaxed. He stood with his arms crossed, adopting a pose that bore a resemblance to his eldest son's signature one, albeit more casually. His expression held a hint of exasperation and weariness, as he addressed you.

"Don't make that face, Nagase. Senjuro confessed everything to me weeks ago. I had suspected a while back that you had become a demon, which is why my sons avoided talking about you, and you stopped coming to the estate. If you had died, they would have eventually told me. But I must admit I didn't imagine you were fighting in that condition for the Kisatsutai, or that you had saved Kyojuro with your powers, and had been in a coma because of your Blood Demon Art.”

Lowering your gaze, you remained silent, still holding Senjuro's hand. Your beloved reappeared at that moment with new baskets of flowers, arriving through the path this time. His customary radiant smile suddenly turned vigilant upon noticing his father. While he greeted him respectfully, he subtly positioned himself slightly between the two of you in a protective gesture.

"It's been a while, Father. I'm glad to see you're in good health," he said sincerely, but with a touch of caution in his voice.

Indeed, the patriarch appeared to be sober and stable, displaying a composure that was unusual for him. In fact, you couldn't recall ever seeing him leave his home for anything other than sake runs. You wondered how long this change had been occurring. Senjuro's timid but relaxed smile seemed to indicate that it had been a while.

"Humph. It would be better if you came back more often and stayed longer, like I'd expect from my eldest son," his father chided without any real bite in his voice. "You took so long to send news and return that I had to come get you myself with your little brother. And what do I find once I arrive to the Butterfly Manor? That you're leisurely strolling nearby with Nagase without a care. Tssk, I should have known better than to worry for nothing."

Despite his exasperated speech, there was a hint of amusement and relief in his tone. It was rare to hear this man, who had been so distant, stern, and violent until recently, express his feelings. Not giving you a break to get used to this new behavior, Shinjuro looked around with a tinge of regret.

"It's been a while since I last came to this place. I have many comrades resting here too. I suppose it's time I pay my respects properly. Let's continue together."

After exchanging a glance with your partner, you shrugged your shoulders, having no reason to refuse. The visit to the graves proceeded in a respectful and contemplative silence. You placed a flower at each tomb, mostly without saying anything. Occasionally, Shinjuro or Kyojuro would introduce a Slayer they had known, sharing one or two memories about them, their expressions filled with sorrow. It was hard not to have tears in your eyes and a heavy heart while listening to their stories, even if you didn't personally know the deceased. Fortunately, the grief was softened by the idea that no more victims would be buried here in the line of duty, and you conveyed the wonderful news through your prayers to each of these valiant warriors.

"Shall we have some tea?" Senjuro finally suggested when the last flower was offered. "I brought some... it's probably lukewarm now, but this tea is good cold too, and the weather is nice. I also made some mochis."

You found a charming spot under a sakura tree. The four of you enjoying leisure time together was a new experience and felt a little awkward. You weren't used to anything other than hunting demons or training for that purpose, making you feel a bit restless, as if you were wasting precious time you no longer had to spare. Additionally, it was challenging to feel comfortable around Shinjuro, given his behavior in recent years. Senjuro appeared to be the most content among you, probably because he lived with his father daily and knew him the best. He was also the only one who hadn't faced demons directly, so maybe the new reality didn't hit him as hard as the rest of you. In any case, his relaxed demeanor slowly put you all more at ease.

After some time, perhaps encouraged by the emotions stirred by the memories of his fallen comrades, Shinjuro spoke in a calm voice:

"I must admit... I find it hard to believe that you managed to defeat Kibutsuji Muzan. Nagase, your ancestors hadn't falsely earned their reputation as excellent warriors that Rengoku Genjuro used to boast about in his boring writings. I owe you and Kyojuro an apology and my thanks. You kids did a great job."

Turning on his knees to face both of you, the head of the Rengoku family and former Flame Pillar bowed to the ground before your widened eyes. You had sworn before the gods that you would make this man eat his derogatory words about you and your clan, but over the years, it had lost its significance, especially after your transformation into a demon. Nonetheless, Shinjuro's apologies and congratulations struck a chord within you.

Both you and Kyojuro quickly bowed back. "We were just doing our duty!" your childhood friend hurriedly brushed away, distinctly flustered by his father's behavior.

Shinjuro straightened up slowly and placed his hands on your shoulders for you both to do the same. The gesture was affectionate but somewhat awkward, as the family patriarch had lost the habit of displaying tenderness.

"You can give yourselves more credit. That’s not all I wanted to say, though…" he hesitated, gathering courage. "If you wish to marry each other one day... you have my blessing," he uttered, clearing his throat and gazing to the side, a little embarrassed.

Your mouth opened in surprise at the declaration, and you bowed again, deeper this time. "Thank you, Rengoku-san."

As you straightened, you stole a glance toward Kyojuro, whose eye was shining brighter than before, his usual disciplined façade cracking under the weight of his emotions. He seemed much younger when he showed vulnerability like this. "Thank you, Father," he replied softly, his throat tight.

Shinjuro gazed at him regretfully, as if he was looking back at the harshness and unfairness with which he had treated his sons. Suddenly, he moved closer to Kyojuro and pulled him into a rough and uncontrolled embrace, filled with all the love and remorse he couldn’t express properly with words.

Initially stunned by surprise, Kyojuro froze. It had been about a decade since his father had shown him any attention, let alone affection. Now that he was an adult, a hug wasn't the kind of paternal gesture he thought he desired. But as he was receiving it, he realized how much he had secretly longed for his dad's warmth, who had once been so loving and passionate. He slowly returned the hug, his expression a complex mix of disbelief, hesitation, and boyish joy.

After a few moments of emotionally charged embrace, Shinjuro pulled back to look at both of you.

"I've asked the butterfly girls to send some Kakushi at our Estate to supervise your rehabilitation there, which they've accepted. Shall we head back together?"

To say you were surprised by the proposition was an understatement. Was the Rengoku patriarch inviting you to stay at their house for a while? His sharp eyes lingered on you as he waited for your reply. The two brothers also turned their expectant gazes toward you, their faces beaming with excitement.

An immense wave of happiness washed over you, and you nodded, grinning wildly.

"Hmm, let's go home!"

Taisho secret:

Kyojuro had informed Senjuro about your coma but hadn't extended an invitation for his brother to visit you. As suggested in the conversation, he had also avoided a proper discussion with his father regarding your previous demonic state. At that time, he felt ill-prepared to address the topic, as you were unconscious, and he was adapting to life with his prosthetic limb.

After you woke up, he still didn't give updates to his family, though he couldn't pinpoint the exact reason. Perhaps he wanted to savor some privacy with you after a long period without contact. It's also possible he wanted to give you more time to reflect on the conversation you had and, quite possibly, he feared his father's reaction upon learning the truth about you.

Fortunately, Senjuro stepped in to bridge the gap. He could sense that their father had found a better emotional place, especially after hearing about the defeat of Kibutsuji Muzan. Also, he understand that Kyojuro was not in his best state of mind and doesn't resent him for momentarily shutting himself. (What a golden child <3)

Next chapter: "Home"

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capricornhonored · 1 year

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Ethan, meeting you made my year so much better, not to mention that you changed my life, this life and in real life, I want to be close to you for life. Thank you for everything, for all the love, care and protection. Thank God our paths crossed and I was able to meet the incredible, talented, smart and funny person that you are, a loyal friend of those who should never be lost, I feel sorry for those who don't have you. You make everything better with your presence, and it's amazing how I miss you even when we're together, being close to you never seems enough, if I could I would glue you with super glue!! I am passionate about our friendship, complicity and trust, you are the first person I would call if I had killed someone, not ironically. I love you, it will always be you and me, fulfilling dreams and planning the future. Happy birthday my baby, I'll be here for anything you need, I'm just a phone call away.

Diana Dawson & Ethan Maverick.

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blacksunscorpio · 3 years

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Hey, I'm so happy that I found your blog, your work and dedication are superb, you are such a special human being for helping some many people with their inquiries ❤ I don't know if you had already talked about this but I'd be curious to see your opinion on Pisces descendent

Ascendant/Descendant Axis

In the natal chart, there is an intersection of the Ascendant (Asc)- Descendant (Dsc). These are located in the 1st house and the 7th House. Also known as one of the two “angles” of the chart. They are both Cardinal by nature.

Your ascendant is the mask your wear to the world. Your “face”, essentially. It’s how you project yourself and even how you appear physically/your aesthetic. Like a mirror to the Ascendant, the Descendant reveals the qualities we would like to reflect and project into others. It describes how we feel attracted to other people as well as the traits we also have, but which need to be developed within the self or through relationships. The following can help illustrate the magnetic parallel between the two points and how they reflect yourself vs your relationships.

Aries Ascendant /Libra Descendant

In tight partnerships, one is preoccupied mostly with personal image and can often take the blame if a relationship does not work out. This native often asserts their independence. They prefer to get their own way, and if they don’t there can be displays of anger. Too much pressure for relationship outcomes to go their way can cause disharmony. They want their partner to consider their needs but often, the same is not reciprocated. If a relationship does not maintain their interest, they can move on to the next without a second thought. They need stimulation to keep their interest. This is because they seek excitement. Boredom feels physically painful. They tend to attract partners who let them make the decisions. This can be good because they like taking charge but bad because they don’t care for codependency. They often favor relationships where the partner has some level of independence. They admire strength and integrity. To maintain balanced relationships you must learn to be less self-centered, more sharing, and more considerate of your partner��s needs; then your relationships will be balanced and rewarding.

Libra Ascendant / Aries Descendant

You need to share your life with others in a peaceful and harmonious way but in marriage and other close relationships, you are being taught to stand up for yourself because you can feel dominated by the strength of your partner or other people’s characters. People with this placement often think “I want my needs met but I’m not sure how to do it without rocking the boat or stepping on toes.”

Fuck their toes. You need to learn to become independent and make your own decisions. The good news is, more often than not this will be exercised and learned by proxy via your partner and others. If the lesson to become independent is not learned, the fear of being dominated in close friendships, relationships, and marriage can become self-fulfilling prophecies. If relationships become unbalanced or a sense of diplomacy is not recognized, these natives often do everything in their power to restore said sense of equilibrium and harmony. Take care not to keep going back to unhealthy or toxic relationships because of your deep need to keep the peace. Setting a hard line is integral to keeping you safe from abusers/or relationships where you’re being run rough-shod on.

Taurus Ascendant / Scorpio Descendant

From a very early age, one with this placement might find that others aren’t as forthright as they should be with them. On one hand, their loved ones can show gestures that make these natives feel deeply appreciated but on the other hand, they can feel nebulous over other acts that challenge their sense of security and trust. Native’s are passionate and feel deeply especially once they do fall in love. Depth is something they easily comprehend however, jealousy and/or possessiveness can make them deeply insecure. You have a strong desire to develop your personal resources in order to contribute to close relationships, and you will work very hard to achieve security in any close partnership. They’ll do their best to be supportive of those they love but their sense of stability can be overtaken in the two-way pull of other people’s interests. Lovers who are co-dependent may try to tighten their hold on you when they sense any sign of retreat or independence. This can lead to unhealthy power struggles, manipulation, or a “push-pull” dynamic that can become very unhealthy and at its worst, dangerous. It's imperative to know that you can love and trust. Once this is accomplished, one with this placement can experience and enjoy deep, intense relationships that are at the same time, stable and lasting.

Scorpio Ascendant / Taurus Descendant

With this placement, natives play to your strengths to diminish weaknesses. They do their best to not use their powers for destructive ends. In relationships, they deeply care for others and will often try to provide for their lovers but this can lead to either their partners being co-dependent and too reliant or they can rely on other people which can deplete inner resources. You are likely incredibly influential among your peers- and it’s important that you pull away from the urges to use this for your own material gain exclusively. They are in a constant state of evolution and learning. They are never the same person over long periods of time which can cause lovers to not evolve with them. Trust issues live here. They often shield themselves from their emotions but they will care deeply for the emotions of others. They need to take care not to swing too far one way or the other because they can go to extremes. Shut people out and be unable to relate or overextending themselves. There’s a powerful presence than sort of emanates off of you but that can also cause you to draw in leeches who leave you feeling hurt. You can also have issues with jealousy and possessiveness when you do fall deeply. If you unite your resources equally with your partner and others, then you can have deeply rewarding relationships.

Cancer Ascendant /Capricorn Descendant

This placement requires emotional stability through harmonious family relationships. Quite protective of those you love but in your attempt to protect those you love- they can, by proxy, control you. The partners you attract can be very executive, business-minded, and ambitious. If the proper boundaries aren’t set, they can feel trapped in domestic day-to-day while your lover is out pursuing their own interests. If marriage occurs, they will do their best to nurture it to the best of their ability. They want success in love. They want security in love. There’s a strong need to keep the family close and thick as thieves. Sometimes this even involves sacrificing their own happiness. They may face issues of security and control in their immediate and extended familial ties, included but not limited to their partner’s family or closely associated family connections. It’s important to find balance. You can’t be everything to everyone all the time. If you nurture and care for your family and build your future security with your partner and family, then you will have enduring and long-lasting relationships.

Capricorn Ascendant / Cancer Descendant

Family values are paramount to those with this placement. They’ll base the way they approach said relationships on family conditioning. Look to their relationships with their family for a good look at how they’ll treat you. Your partner may find it difficult to get along with family members which can make things tense...even awkward. You might find yourself the one trying to keep the peace and understand everyone’s feelings. Law and order sort of come in here. At least in your approach to family and relationships. The influences of your partner’s early childhood can have an emotional effect on your relationship with him/her which can leave you trying to keep control in otherwise uncontrollable situations. Often this native will look to their partner to gain support in the familial sense. This works because they have a practical, logical approach to life. Their relationships will mimmick this. If you’re looking to soften your approach, your partner can help you with this as they will typically be the nurturing type. Conflicts in your relationship with your partner can arise when love and affection are denied through family conditioning. Break those chains/generational curses. It only takes one person to change lifetimes of habitual toxicity. The welfare of your relationships should not revolve around confining and limiting rules and regulations. Matters of emotional security and family control will have to be balanced. If you find the balance, love will endure through the difficult times in life. For better or worse, richer or for poorer.

Gemini Ascendant / Sagittarius Descendant

From an early age, Intellectual exchange is paramount. However, approaching the opposite sex might not have been an easy feat. You like to know the very fine detail of your interpersonal relationships. The inner workings and minutiae. Why? Because dialog is important to you. Both Gemini and Sag like to talk. Use their minds. The lower and the higher. This is displayed in relationships. Intellect and reason are utilized when one with this placement faces relationship problems, but with your own freedom in mind. You put a lot of thought into resolving relationship issues. Words are important to you and you operate on that frequency, so those who stimulate your mind are among your favorite to interact with. But your zealous approach to defending your points may come off as dogmatic. You tend to judge situations and give your opinion spontaneously which can lead to hastiness in others’ reactions towards you. Your nature is to sort out problems through gaining as much information as you can in order to reach intelligent conclusions. However, too much mental sparring can lead to hard feelings between you and your lover if things are left to go overboard. Here lives a sapiosexual. One who is turned on my knowledge and intelligence. A fair soul lives here. Or at least, one who strives to be. It’s imperative to look beyond your own opinions and give credit to others' opinions, then you will have balanced and rewarding relationships.

Sagittarius Ascendant / Gemini Descendant

Being confined is not your forte. In fact, you refuse to be. By anyone. The free spirit of Mercury and the expansion mindedness of Jupiter are living together here. This is the type of person that may often do the “Irish Exit” at a social event. Your partnerships often being mental. Through dialogue and interaction on a thoughtful level. However at times due to Jupiter’s penchant for excessiveness, your opinion can dominant conversations which can leave your partner feeling resentful. Your nature is fire. And just as your relationships are lively, dramatic, and exciting, the confrontations can be as well. Appreciations for others' opinions and ideas from an objective place can salvage relationships when fights and dogma ruffle feathers. Not everything is a personal attack. Take care not to jump to conclusions as this placement has a tendency to do so. Preachiness when not monitored can turn partners/friends off. Expect a “tell it like it is” approach here. Sometimes the native can be so strong-minded tact is often forgotten. Relationships are strongest when one remains free-spirited, optimistic, and understanding. When the mind is satiated and free thought is encouraged, your relationships will prosper.

Leo Ascendant / Aquarius Descendant

The kind of love this native thrives on is all-encompassing. They want to feel adored but affection can also take a more detached vibe. There’s a deep warmth to you and your love for people in general, the collective, and beyond is hard to miss. one with this placement may know many people. Get along with many and have a large social network. Your partner may be starkly different in that sense. They may have a completely different social circle. At times you may feel your light doesn’t shine. You can be the one to take initiative and set plans between you and those you love. You often have to operate on your partner’s wavelength to understand their thoughts or get yours across. Though it’s almost second nature for you to befriend people, only the meaningful and worthwhile connections are save for your partner to be witness to. Your partner is more detached than you so it can frustrate you when you've seen as the type to put on a show by them. They will opt to walk away and not engage in conflict to keep the peace. When you were young, you had a vision of all-consuming love, but you may feel life has dealt you a raw deal, often giving you the opposite of what you crave. However, if you find the balance in friendship and love, your partner can be your best friend and everything you could wish for.

Aquarius Ascendant / Leo Descendant

You look at life through a kaleidoscope lens. Nothing is black and white to you. You give free thought and entertain multiple perspectives and enjoy engaging with others who do the same. You like to look at everything from different angles. You need the freedom to pursue your own community interests and goals outside your relationships, but this can lead to difficulties within your relationships. Though you can understand and identify with emotion, you do not live in this space. Your emotions are detached and you see everything from an objective point of view. Your amiable manner attracts large groups of people but your partner may try to get you to be more emotional. This is something you’re not readily comfortable with. Be careful because they can take your desire for space as disinterest. They can mistake your free-loving nature for abandonment. Balance is needed in regard to your partner's interests and yours, otherwise, relationships may feel unlively and lackluster. You’ll be craving something else or more excitement. However, you’ll be very loyal as long as your partner respects the fact that emotional displays and dramatics will have the adverse effect they’re seeking. Keep it real. And don’t forget to sympathize.

Virgo Ascendant / Pisces Descendant

In love and partnerships, you may see the “idealized” version you've created for others rather than the reality of them. This includes but is not limited to, placing them on pedestals, or pinning fantasies on them that they may not live up to. This can cause you to feel disillusioned if balance isn’t met. Be compassionate with yourself just as you are compassionate and sensitive in your personal life. Health and/or work issues or issues having very much to do with the 6th house may present themselves in the love life. You have a natural penchant to set very high and at times impossible standards for yourself. You also love to set a pristine environment for your lover or those you love in general. You love to organize which your partner will appreciate. Partners may show your love by giving you creative gifts or even serenading you. You may even attract an occasional crooner/musician/artist. High expectations are natural for you to have in relationships- so much so that if the object of your affections doesn’t meet them, you can criticize them. However because you are service and work minded, you’ll often stay dedicated to your relationships. Your life is one of service. You may often have a savior complex or others may perceive you as someone who can “rescue” them. You attract the down-and-out types. An underdog. Take care not to allow yourself to be the martyr as you often put others’ needs ahead of your own. Do not allow this to go too far or else sentiments of resentment and being “taken advantage” of may rear their heads. If you stay organized and learn to be realistic in how you demonstrate and expect to receive love, setting firm boundaries while being compassionate as well, your relationships will thrive and stay on the healthy road.

Pisces Ascendant / Virgo Descendant

Your personality can be malleable due to your mutable nature. Sometimes you’ll chameleonize yourself to fit the mold your loved ones want you to fit. This placement can make one impressionable or there can be a mysterious vibe here. However, your interests at work can match those you fall for. Idealism is your strong suit. On the other hand, more often than not, your partner may be a realist and quite diligent at work. You are extremely empathetic, almost to a psychic degree. This is typically why people are drawn to you. You have an uncanny knack for making others feel like individuals. As if they are special. Take care not to try to be everything to everyone or you’ll end up raining your energy stores. Being an idealist, you prefer to avoid conflict as you are more passive by nature. Arguments and beef give you anxiety. Just remember that a practical approach is necessary otherwise you can find yourself jaded. Things can be confusing to you sometimes and you can have a hard time making sense of things because Neptune which dissolves is on your rising. Your out of the box and otherworldly thinking can break down the most regimented person and new solutions can bring harmony and love into your relationships. Natives with this placement need to take care not to allow others to define them. Be your own person. As a result, your relationships will bear healthy fruit.

Nadir/Midheaven Axis in Astrology

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imagine-your-love-story · 2 years

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-sighs dreamily-

I love him so much, Penny.

We’ve been best friends for twenty years. We’ve been together for ten. We’re getting married in six months. We’re starting our first drafts of our wedding vows. He showed me what he’s got so far, and I fucking cried.

We’re so similar in some ways—both stubborn and independent on the surface, both autistic, both functionally dependent on tight social bonds with a small social circle of family and close friendships. We’re so incredibly different in others: he’s a futurist where I tend to romanticize the past, he believes in his own agency to overrule things like gods and destinies by his own choice where I see such forces as inevitable and self-fulfilling, he struggles with self-awareness while self-awareness is one of my greatest strengths.

We balance each other, we ground each other, we can read each other’s moods like the backs of our hands and we always know how to help each other when times are hard. When we fight, we both know when to step back and cool off and how to resolve the problem productively.

In his vows, he says the only thing on this earth that he’s sure about is me. It doesn’t matter to him whether he chose me on his own or if some unknown destiny chose me for him, because he’s certain that the choice is right no matter who made it.

A statement like that is completely counter to his entire worldview. Usually, if he even suspects that someone or something is trying to guide him in a particular direction, some constraint is being placed on him, he’ll do anything to escape and subvert that guidance and restraint. It’s pathological for him; even if or knows the path picked out for him is a good one, he’ll usually fight it simply because it wasn’t his choice. But when it comes to me—just plain, ordinary me—he says he doesn’t care whether the choice was truly his own or not. All that matters to him is that I was the right choice for him.

I AM A WRECK. I love him so desperately, how am I supposed to put this into such a short set of vows???

I dunno. I just needed to tell someone. AAAAAA

— @amys-cringe-cabinet

THIS IS THE MOST PRECIOUS THING I HAVE LAID EYES ON ALL WEEK!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'M SO HAPPY FOR YOU BOTH!!!!!!!!!!!!

#asks #anonymous #gush tag #amys-cringe-cabinet

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canongf-archive · 2 years

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-sighs dreamily-

I love him so much, Liv.

I AM A WRECK. I love him so desperately, how am I supposed to put this into such a short set of vows??

I dunno. I just needed to tell someone. AAAAA

I sent this to a couple of people in case tumblr ate an ask or two. But. AAAAAAAAAAA

— @amys-cringe-cabinet

💗 THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL, @amys-cringe-cabinet 💗

perfect. everything about this is PERFECT. the way you two complement each other, the way you balance each other out, the way it seems like you just fit together like two puzzle pieces? like you were made for each other? like you're literally SOUL MATES??? just. perfect. 💗

i am so so so HAPPY that you found each other!!! and not only that you found each other!!! but that you fell in love!!! that you're getting married!!! it's like!!! this is how it's all supposed to be!!!

i can't wait for you to get married!!! it's the best feeling in the world, knowing that you get to spend forever with the person you love more than anything in the universe!!! and i can't wait for you to have that!!! i know that both the wedding and your marriage will be just as perfect as your relationship already is!!!

I'M SO EXCITED FOR YOU!!! 💗💗💗 THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH FOR SHARING!!!!!

#THE BUILD UP TO THE WEDDING IS SOOO EXCITING #AND SO IS THE WEDDING ITSELF #AND AFTER THE WEDDING???#I STILL CAN'T BELIEVE I'M MARRIED TO BUCKY LMAO #amys-cringe-cabinet #ship: seto kaiba #ships.ask

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jisssooyah · 4 years

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Hi you... if you were going to curate a little season of films for me, which ones would you choose and why? They don't need to be horror, I'm just curious what you would choose 🌸

I don’t know if you’ll like these movies, or if you’ve already watched them, but after i watched these films, i felt like they might need to belong to you now. i hope they make you smile, roll your eyes, and cry just as much as i did.

1. city of god (2002): this is one of the most immersive and gorgeously shot films i’ve ever seen. it’s set in rio de janeiro during the 60s and spans decades exploring the drug culture in the slums and how this can affect kids just as they are trying to figure their own selves out. the way this film is shot, feels like you were at the sea with them as the sand crunched underneath your feet. but the way that the director captures these individuals, makes you so fucking relieved that you don’t live through any of the circumstances that they go through.

2. the dreamers (2004): set in 1968, this film follows three students in Paris who come of age and explore one another and their limits during the revolution. while these students prop themselves up as individuals obsessed with sex, running underneath themselves is a current of jealousy, obsession, and blurred familial relationships that made me increasingly uncomfortable. you find yourself feeling bad for the children, and ultimately upset at their upbringing because of their parents.

3. if beale street could talk (2018): this movie is based off of james baldwin’s titular 1974 novel. in it, the director expertly and vigorously explores love: a love that feels so real that it hurts. the cast is what sold this film to me. the way they talk, laugh, cry, and smile at one another is achingly beautiful and terrifyingly sad. i wanted to transport myself back to their time period and watch the main characters fall in love because the film didn’t seem like enough.

4. the neon demon (2016): this film follows an emerging model who sacrifices herself to the demands of the industry in order to be attractive and beautiful. there are so many stunning colors in this film that it makes you dizzy, like you’re in a trance and that’s what this world is for the main character: a trance. as she oscillates between reality and fantasy, her world and the characters in it, increasingly seek out to alter her personality.

5. death becomes her (1992): a deliberately ultra-campy parody of trashy, pandering "women's pictures," soap operas and paperbacks from the '80s and '90s. The three leads all do some of their best work - it's hilarious watching Meryl Streep play a terrible actress, Goldie Hawn is particularly hilarious during her character's cat lady phase, and all around just a really fun and eccentric film.

6. princess cyd (2017): i can’t think of anything to write for this but i just wanna say that this is literally one of the most pleasant movie experiences i’ve ever had. so much light and genuine interaction in warm sun rays radiating positive energy and an openness that is far too uncommon in movies nowadays. people talk, people connect, people grow bonds and are allowed to be sexual or intimate or personal without an air of shame or judgement. just pure kind and curious human association.

7. spiderman: into the spiderverse (2018): the message of Spider-Verse is not "gentrify yourself! stop expressing your personality and just conform to what society wants you to be!" After all, what makes you different makes you Spider-Man, and Miles' final expression of himself as a superhero still retains much of his personality and individuality...they're just being used in more productive and fulfilling ways. It's the little things that drive the point home, like noticing that the title page for Miles' finished Great Expectations essay has been stylistically doodled and colored like street art. Rather than seeing his artistic gifts as an opposition to his schoolwork, Miles infuses them together to make the best of the hand he's been dealt.

8. my life as a zucchini (2016): initially heartbreaking and sad, but slowly becoming more joyful and heartwarming as the plot moves along. The film really feels like it captures the essence and child like wonder of these kids, all of them going through hardships but managing to find something to help each other out. It’s so refreshing to see the actual orphanage portrayed in a more positive light, not the usual horrid dump that a lot of lesser movies play them out as. The animation is stunning. One of the best uses of stop motion I’ve seen, everything is so colourful and detailed. There’s some moments set in snowy mountains and these look incredible. There’s clearly been so much love and care put into each and every scene here. The music too, sounds spectacular, it really works well with each scene.

9. lovesong (2016): Mindy and Sarah have that type of relationship where they don't need words because they speak in a language made out of glances and touches. This movie is about the fear of ruining a meaningful friendship and losing an important person, about love that is so complicated that one might not even try because the outcome seems to be so obvious.

10. her (2013): Heartbreak is formative: it changes you heart side out, and leaves your muscles a little stronger, your skin a little thicker, your bones easier to repair. Before this film, I’d never seen anything constructive in having your insides pulled apart by the seams by another person, but this film taught me how. Being in love and then being forced out of it is an experience that changes you fundamentally, but Her taught me its purpose – you don’t need them to leave you so that you can find someone who’s a better fit, because perhaps you never will. You need it to participate in humanity. The common denominator is being hurt, and without it, you’re barely alive.

11. shoplifters (2018): bittersweet and richly transportive, Shoplifters is a film that nonchalantly eases you into its tragic beauty in a way that doesn't punch you hard until the end. It simultaneously made me want to be part of the film's world and also very glad that I'm not. The setting the characters live in is messy and cluttered and full of dysfunction and lies, but it's also got family, and laughter, and fist-bumps, and slurping warm noodles while rain pings on the tin rooftop. So nuanced, so many tiny moments of delicate beauty and unassuming heartbreak, so many people making terrible decisions with good intentions.

12. god’s own country (2017): though it is a love story between two men, this aspect is only addressed briefly in a single scene. Rather, the film is about finding someone who makes you want to be a better person, someone who comes into your life just when you needed it most. Gheorghe helps Johnny open up and realize the beauty of the simple life. From this relationship, Johnny begins to feel comfortable with expressing himself, and his love and gratitude towards others. He also begins to appreciate life in the country, surrounded by stunning landscapes and the beauty of simplicity. Addressing the Yorkshire countryside, Gheorghe says "It is beautiful, but lonely." Johnny is presented with the notion that he doesn't have to be cold and miserable, slaving and drinking his days away. He is presented with the possibility of no longer being alone and finally finding happiness and contentment - and it is more than gratifying to see him accept it.

13. disobedience (2017): a tender star-crossed daydream. the three main character dynamics are special enough on their own, but the romance that blooms at the center is cathartically intimate and even magical: a reunion that feels so inevitable. catching glimpses of a past life, details we aren’t privy to. all the stolen kisses and whispers and promises. a bond so strong that they fall back in sync with each other like second nature, even if they try to fight against it. even if it won’t work. and yet they choose each other, even if for a few minutes.

14. raw (2016): this film is so gross and I like that. There is tons of blood and unique body horror and it all works perfectly for the tone the film is attempting to set. The use of color, specifically neons, creates a constant feeling that you are traveling through some sort of weird ghost world, which I really like. Overall, it's a very well put together film with flashes of brilliance.

15. the night is short, walk on girl (2017): what an absolutely magical adventure of a film. Essentially this is a heavily episodic look at a night in the lives of several people, centered on a woman and a man as she gleefully floats from event to event while he neurotically obsesses over how to "coincidentally" talk to her. The storytelling is incredible; while the overarching narrative is simple there are countless threads woven together to connect everyone in the story to each other. That in itself is a big theme: connections between people, how everything is interrelated, and what a large impact seemingly insignificant things people do can have an impact on everyone around them.

16. coraline (2009): Coraline is the best stop motion movie ever made in my opinion. Before the film released in 2009, I read the book and was completely blown away by its creativity and story. It’s a pretty dark tale featuring many scenes of fright that work well in both a horror setting and an animated kids setting. On surface value, this film is quite horrifying, which is something I’ve always loved about it. While it does make a few minor changes to the book, it improves upon a piece of art that was already jaw-droppingly good. Coraline feels like a real little girl with some real problems. She’s selfish but likable which is something most films cannot translate well. Of course, she has a pretty awesome arc as well which brings this movie to a perfect close for her character. The other-mother is also perfectly done. She is almost exactly how I imagined her in the book and the animation on her is spookily gorgeous. There is not one dull moment in this film. It is literally a perfect piece of cinema.

17. the third wife (2019): haven’t seen a film this visually delicate in a while. Ash Mayfair works with the looming mountain surroundings to make her characters —these women, these girls— as small as possible, as isolated as possible. Uneasiest of all is the protagonist May, so young and so weighed by responsibility, her position blurs between being one of the wives and being one of the daughters. It’s an extremely bleak tale of circumstance. An old tale, certainly, but so beautifully crafted it doesn’t matter. Mayfair holds a fearful tension throughout, and it only ever shatters in the cruelest of ways.The abundance of women and display of sisterhood begin as a comfort, but horror takes over as we realize how conditional and fragile that comfort is. Even the daughters are subconsciously aware, one of them praying to the gods to grow up and become a man, shearing her hair off in naive triumph. It’s a doomed cycle of girls performing roles which are unfortunately their best option, right up until the final scene of May with her daughter, still in their mourning clothes. She, like the older wives, finally realizes they’re the same as the cattle laying on their side for too many days.

#asks #shortcake-kaspbrak

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