#IM GETTING LOST IN THIS RABBIT HOLE HELP ME!!!!

[snakes-on-skates]

i miss clangen 😭😭😭😭😭😭

[darlingdaisyfarm]

Hello! Long time follower, first time...asker?

ANYWHO I Just ADORE your writing, the short blurbs, the tantalizing long tales, the romantic romps, UHG I JUST WANNA EAT THEM ALL IN A STEW!

That being said, what's your view on the brothers walking in on their partner pleasuring themselves? Is this something you've written before that I missed?

If so, let me know!! I'd love to read it!! ❤️

hi first time asker! i’m gnawing on ur words like they’re my last meal 🫀🫀 thank u thank u thank u. i read this and i was giggling like crazy. the idea of someone wanting to eat my fics in a stew is possibly the highest literary compliment i’ve ever received?? hehdudh thank u sm!!<33

nsfw (also sorry there’s more Ford than Stan in this one. the inspiration hit like a truck when writing his part + dragged me down a dom!Ford rabbit hole. but there's pathetic Ford too)

STAN

he’s been in and out of sleazy motels his whole life, and yet the moment he walks in on you with your hand between your thighs, he turns scarlet. not the cocky, grinning bastard you’re used to, not the sleazy charmer with some bad pickup line at the ready, HELL NO. the second he catches even a glimpse of you like that, all flushed and panting, he gasps like he’s been shot. shoulders hunched, Stan freezes in the doorway, repeating that pose from the lost legends comics, haha

he’s rambling immediately. “holy moly!!! jeez, you probably shoulda locked the door, kid! f—fuck, i didn’t mean to call you kid, i know you hate that!! sweet moses, im gonna shut up. should i leave? i should leave, right? unless you want. . .wait no I shouldn’t assume anything—“

he’s fidgeting with his clothes, half-turned like he wants to bolt, but he can’t take his eyes off you. and if you’re using a toy? some big gleaming thing buzzing while you whimper and squirm, he’s so fucking done. red-faced and flustered, yeah, but his pants are already getting tight and he’s well aware of it.

or god forbid you’re riding a pillow, grinding down all slow with a little glazed look in your eyes, Stan's going to melt. and if you so much as whimper his name in that breathy little voice, fuck no, he’s staying. no matter how much he tells himself to back off. he’ll stumble over, and ask if he can help, but it comes out all hoarse and reverent like, “let me, baby. let me, c’mon, please“ first minutes he acts like he doesn’t know what to do, but the second you let him touch, he's so greedy for every sound you make. if it's your fingers, he'll slip those out of you so he can put his mouth there instead

if you’re riding a pillow he’ll get so filthy with it, placing his hands on your hips, muttering “this how you get off when im not around? huh? you need it that bad, baby?” his voice all gravelly in your ear while he makes you hump it harder till you’re shaking

and if it’s a toy, he’ll snatch it right out and replace it with his fingers or his cock, muttering how it’s so much better when you take it from him<3 although he loves using toys on you but hey that's for later!

FORD

that six-fingered genius freak, who has absolutely jacked off behind your bedroom door more than once because he heard you saying his name.

he’s repressed and painfully intelligent, all things that make his perversions so much worse. he intellectualizes everything except the way his hand moves when he hears your whines. Ford tries to resist, he does, pacing in the hallway with his fists clenched, murmuring about how he should respect your privacy, about how it’s improper, about how he’s better than this, but the second he hears you let out a desperate little “oh Ford, wish it was you touching me. . .” that's it. he’s got his belt undone, fisting himself while listening, trying not to let the door creak when he presses his forehead against it. your name leaving his mouth so softly, scared to say it too loud.

okay listen. with Ford, i think there are two (three) reactions depending on the day and what level of ✨horny repression✨ he’s working with

scenario one where he walks in on you.

probably because he was too distracted with equations and notes to notice the quiet, intimate sounds echoing from the room, he calls your name, asking “have you seen my notes?” and nudges the door open like it’s nothing. then he freezes, pupils contracting, such a beautiful sight in front of him, his darling sprawled out, thighs apart, halfway gone already, moaning into the back of your hand. and he’s just. . .rooted to the spot, making these quiet stammering noises, flushed from the base of his throat to the tips of his ears. he croaks your name, and then immediately launches himself out of the room. you can hear him tripping over smth in the hallway. probably his own feet.

OR! this can also go this way, where Ford stays. and it’s worse. so much worse. and here its also divided into TWO parts.

one is, he opens the door, same things: he freezes, gasps, blah blah, such a dramatic boy. but he doesn’t leave. he can’t. he lifts on trembling hand to cover his eyes, like some victorian lady faced with ankles, but the other is still gripping the doorknob. “o-oh! i— apologies! i didn’t realize you were— were“ Ford groans, squeezing his eyes shut with his palm pressed tight, feeling like he’s on the verge of some cardiac event.

SO !!! MY ADVICE TO YOU BABY!! don’t stop. don't you dare stop!!! spread your thighs wider, continue moving your fingers, letting soft, wet sounds fill the room!!!

“Ford,” you arch your back, looking at him through half-closed eyes, “mhm, was hoping you’d walk in on me.” his knees buckle at that, Ford actually sways where he stands. “ive been thinking about you doing it. standing there. watching me. fucking yourself to the same rhythm.” your speech is diluted with small breaths when you insert your fingers too deeply, creating a wet squelching sound.

it's obvious he’s hard already, bulging against his belt.

with dom Ford it turns into scolding. “ . . .so this was intentional? you wanted me to see this? you planned this? you wanted to be caught like some needy little thing?” but even as he says it, his hand is already moving, undoing buttons, jerking his cock free with a hiss as if he’s just been burned, when the air touches his warm shaft. “go on, then, show me what you were doing,” he growls, looking straight into your eyes. to be honest, that tone even scares you a little. next thing you know he's kneeling on the bed, shoving your hand away to do it himself. slowly, while making you say everything you were thinking about.

second option. meanwhile, if we go back to awkward shy!Ford, who covers his face, stays planted in the doorway, and asks you “do you want me to stay?” like a lost puppy. when you nod, biting your lip, all excited and flushed, Ford lets out a shaky breath, quietly lowering his pants, knowing it’s wrong but he can’t stop.

so awkward and nervous but SO horny he can’t stand it. stands there trembling while unbuckling his belt and says “please, don’t stop, i want to watch you. . .touch yourself while i— while i do it too.” he jerks himself slow, matching your rhythm, whimpering every time your fingers dip deeper, wishing it was him filling you up.

and you two end up with this messy mutual masturbation session, mirroring each other, eyes locked the whole time, trying not to come too fast but totally failing.

he’s such a freak. he pretends he’s above it but he lives for this kind of filth

[thejournallo]

THE DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE VOID STATE AND THE VOID:

tag: @aestheticlizalis

As always, I will love to hear your thoughts! and if you have any questions, I will be more than happy to answer them! If you liked it, leave a comment or reblog (that is always appreciated!). if you are intrested in more method check the masterlist!

Every time I end up talking about the void state, there is a part of me that tends to raise awareness about the void itself. It is a thing the void does not help you manifest, like the void state. In this post, I will try my best to explain how much these two things are truly different.

WARNING: COGNITO HAZARD (For those who do not know, a cognito hazard is a term used to describe an image, pattern, sound, or any other kind of sensory signal that directly causes harmful or undesired physiological or physical effects to one who senses or perceives it. (It is specifically used as a warning when talking about "forced awakening" things like the void.)

You are free to believe or not believe every word I will say in this post, and you are free to not believe every word I say. If, while reading this, you start to feel a negative emotion or a sensation as if you are lost or bodily or emotionally sick, DO NOT CONTINUE READING.

let's get deeper in this rabbit hole shall we? 

i will talk breefly about the void state and then i will get in a more detailed way into what the void is, just because i aready explained the void state many times.

the void state:

is a state of deep meditation where you feel like floating and feel nothingness embodies you, making you feel one with the universe helping you to manifest. (Click the name if you actually want to know more.)

the void:

The void is nothing and everything at the same time. Let me explain better: the void is a place where everything is possible and exists, but at the same time is impossible and does not exist.  The thing is, the void in itself is a pass to every other dimension because every dimension resides in the void, even the cursed ones or the ones that never will be or never were timelines.  As a person with a lot of experience in the void itself, I will tell you that it is not a nice place.  Every kind of entity can catch you, good or evil, whatever they might be. As mere humans in the void, we are exposed to a lot of deep-rooted energy that corrupts our bodies in the long run. 

As humans, in the void, we can only "survive" in the backrooms.

what is a backroom?

One thing that is definitely more popular than the void itself are the backrooms that reside in the void. The backrooms became popular around 2012 as a SCP thing as images of liminal spaces. But I assure you, they are pretty much real, and they have many levels, not in a specific order. On every level, we can find different things and different entities, as mentioned before. We can find the good ones that will try to keep you safe and the bad ones that will literally try to kill you. 

I will also add that the backroom exists because we are the front room, so for every timeline in existence, there is a backroom, and much like the universe, the void is pretty much endless, so there are infinite possibilities for the frontroom and the backroom.

why im i telling you this?

because I talk from experience, and let me tell you some of them were not fun. Still to this day, when I go to sleep, I find myself in the void. Bruh, I don't know how it simply happens. And that's been my life since I was 14 years old. I had my time to understand and learn a few rules to exit the backrooms fast enough or not to be killed. 

I will put them at the end, but first, a little check on the main differences that we found out about the void state and the void itself:

The void state is a meditation; the void is an "endless place.".

The void can be a dangerous place, but the void state is harmless.

The void state helps us connect with the universe; the void is not used to manifest.

The void is a constant state of rooted energy, which means, in more basic words, that the energy in the void is dirty, and on the long run, a normal human will not "survaive.". In the void state, it is your energy.

In the void state, we find only ourselves; in the void, we can find an endless amount of dimensions, timelines, frontrooms and backrooms, entities, and liminal spaces. Some are all put together.

If you decide to go into the void state, it is a conscious decision. You can mistakenly enter the void by just falling asleep.

Those are the main differences, just because I can't say much more about the void itself because, as said before, it is a forced awakening, and I don't want people to feel sick with too much information. 

if by mystake you enter the backrooms here some rules that will help you get out faster:

Don't scream; you will give off your location to any type of entity. In whatever level you enter, you will find the exit in the same level.

Not every level is scary. Some have flowers and are pretty; others are simple rooms. Those levels are safe as long as you don't hurt yourself. Be careful.

Don't take stairs, and don't jump in holes or on poles. Again, you will find the exit on the same level as you entered.

If you see fluffy entities, look at their eyes first. If the eyes are blue, they are friendly; any other color is to be avoided.

There is only one entity that is 100% friendly and will help you. It looks like a shadow with no features; it does not talk, but you will understand her.

If you hear a sound, go in the opposite direction; if you feel like a sound surrounds you, hide and stay still no matter what; some entities don't have eyes.

If you can't find the exit, pray to whatever god you believe in, and good entities will find you and help you.

On rare occasions, you might find other humans; don't trust them; they are no longer humans.

and I think that I said everything that has to be said. If you have any questions, I will be more than happy to answer them, and I hope you did not feel sick or do any negative things from this post.

[catreginae]

okay i really really want to start reading your vampire wars thing because first of all, im OBSESSED with the concept, and second, it just seems cool as hell, but i’ve been unable to read recently so i haven’t had a chance to get to it. ITS ON MY LIST THO 🙌🙌🙌

BUT I STILL WANNA KNOW ABOUT HIM HE SEEMS SO COOL. I don’t wanna ask annoying questions cos I feel like most of the one’s I have are things you’ve probably already answered haha, BUT TELL ME ABOUT UR SPECIAL GUY. Is there anything in particular you just really really wanna talk about? Any little details you’re really proud of that you want people to notice? Can he turn into a particularly fluffy little bat? If so would bat Wars appreciate head pats? Is there a specific vampire lore that inspired this?

-crazylittlejester

Sorry this took so long! This is the first ask I got after asking for them but it's the last I got to!

I think people realized these things but I’m going to talk about them anyway!

Warriors has bad self-esteem. He’s super protective of the others. He has the ability to regenerate, so it’s hard to hurt him in a way that actually matters. He can pretty much bounce back from anything. Anyway, all three of these aspects of Warriors feed into each other. He doesn’t care about what happens to him because he can regenerate. The pain is worth it if the others are safe. He thinks keeping the others safe by taking the really bad hits is how he’s earning his keep in the group because he has a hard time accepting that they actually like him for who he is. The others are working on it!

This boy is a pacer. When he’s restless and antsy, or hopped up on blood, he just starts pacing. He cannot help it.

Warriors is actually the sleepiest in the chain and beats even Sky. I headcanon Sky with sleep apnea (because of projection) but Warriors ends up sleeping the most because being half-vampire is actually really hard on his body. I like it imagine that sleep is the glue that keeps his Hylian half and vampire half together to make one mostly functional person. This is why he can pretty much fall asleep immediately if he’s injured but also had some blood.

The fluffy bat thing is a plan but hasn’t happened yet. It’s not a vampire thing in this AU (it is a nod to it at least?) nor is it his shadow crystal form. It’s wizzrobe bullshittery that he actually saw some use in so he begged Lana for some way to have regular access to a bat form. It’s probably some sort of jewellery. I wrote a very small snippet about Four throwing a tiny bat Warriors into the air to help him figure out lift. Of course, he’s a vampire bat because they can run on the ground and I think that’s pretty neat. Go look up a zoo feeding them blood, they just run on the ground and take little sippies out of a bowl.

And finally, the inspiration for this AU is a movie from the 80s called The Lost Boys. It inspired his appearance a little bit (he’s got the same yellow and red eyes). Lore wise, some of the abilities made it over but I used a lot of different inspirations for this AU and of course, I had to try to remix it fit Zelda too. The Lost Boys is the first inspiration though because I was in that rabbit hole when I wrote the first chapter.

[rahkshirock]

Hypognosis character building, and Lynn's thoughts on role-playing

(If you don't know what this is, I'm writing about a game I'm making! you can read the introduction to it here!)

Alright so, when making a game, I think it’s important to establish your intentions. For one, when you do, you can write your drafts, step back, and compare your intention to the product, and see if you got lost down a rabbit hole along the way and missed the mark overall. 

Second, since I'm going to be doing this planning process semi-publicly and giving updates along the way, it’s more important to show my thought process than it is to give you a few paragraphs of finished semi-technical info before it’s fully cooked. I want to get yall *excited* for this project, not tell you exactly how to play it at home, for the time being.

With that in mind, the goal is to make a speculative fantasy role-playing game where a group of strange and varied people ally together to go on quests. *groundbreaking,* right? So… what makes Hypognosis something that I’ve wanted to play for a few years now as I’ve been trying to write it? Let me try to show you by walking you through how I *want to* make Estver, the guy from the last post, into a playable character.

When I make a character in an RPG, i usually look to the classes (whatever form they take) as inspiration for what *sort* of character to make. It’s rare that I get completely taken by the lore of a setting enough to make a character completely seamless with it. Instead if I see that there are Holy Knights, it follows that there’s probably some sort of feudal system with a church. Since I have some experience with churches in my life and have read a lot of fantasy about holy knights, i get the idea of character’s I am *encouraged* to make. It’s like the game is giving me permission.

Now, you don’t need permission from a game system to make the sort of character you want of course. If the mechanics of said holy knight class would let me make a pretty good cowboy marshall type, I might find value in re-flavoring an existing thing to form my character, while making no mechanical changes. It’s fun to think about this sort of thing to me: if the mechanics in front of me were stripped of their flavor text, would I be able to tell what the class was supposed to be? Something to keep in mind.

Now, Estvar as I’ve written him is devout and traveling on a pilgrimage. He has training as a city guard, so he has some skill with weapons and armor, and he is faithful to his god. His character motivation is that he is devoted to a cause: that of the friend he made once years ago, thinking every day about the life he could live on the other side of the gate, eventually swearing to travel all that way. Is he a paladin in the making? Uh… No, actually. I don’t think so.

Do you see how, if I were playing 5E, all these little character details in the fluff of Estvar’s backstory would lead you toward making him a paladin? It would be a natural fit within that system and yet if I did, I would be dissatisfied because a paladin fights with a specific set of mechanics that *do not fit* in what I have in mind. I don’t think Estvar would ever cast a spell, even if it was a “holy” one. and his home city isnt really feudal, he's a soldier not a knight...

So since I’m making my own game, do I simply eliminate all the mechanics that might interfere with the story? I certainly could. Fiction-first games are popular for a reason. I’ve played and GMed for a few and they were great fun! But I think mechanics are great tools for telling stories when you the storyteller aren't too experienced with what *should* happen. What if I’m asked to describe exactly what my character does and im a bit exhausted that day? I want to play and be helpful but im just not up to being a *storyteller* atm. Well, a rule that lets me swing a sword with such-and-such dice to resolve what happens is useful.

Complicating that, I like rolling dice as more than a *resolution* mechanic. All too often when you ask an interesting question and roll a die, that die roll is the *end of play.* It is the deciding factor that resolves the tension so you can continue with the scene. I much prefer them to be a *complicating* factor in a compelling way, where my carefully planned ideal solution breaks and I have to scramble on the fly for a new plan. That’s what I find fun!

All this coming to the point: Hypognosis is my attempt to have a crunchy game that is crafted in such a way that someone who doesn’t have the same mental image of combat that I do going in, will *fall into a natural pattern* that the game describes that looks like that cool fight that I the author have in mind. That isn’t an uncommon goal for games. It really comes down to execution.  

Getting back to Estvar, his cultural background is very textbook for the people of his home city of Buldren. He has a strict set of rules he’ll have to follow, notably a prohibition on spilling blood, and he’ll want to seek absolution in some way if he breaks them. His faith is a *morale* concern rather than a *magic powers* concern for him. If he comes into a situation where he’s forced to kill someone with a sword and comes out covered in their blood, he will suffer a mental wound. (distinct from just usual trauma) He’ll take that wound and either treat it after the battle with appropriate penance, or else will fester into a scar over time. 

On the flip side, his home city has more modern technology and medical knowledge than their neighbors. He’ll have learned martial arts leveraging blunt weapons to crush an enemy rather than hacking them to pieces. In addition, with his soldier background, he’ll have moves that synergize well with allies standing shoulder-to-shoulder with him. He’s efficient and effective, not flashy. 

In game terms, how do I select those options for Estvar? Each region in the world has specific traits you can select which make up your character’s Heritage. These are a wide-ranging suite of powerful options that come bundled with Complications. Not necessarily negative qualities, but consequences which are designed to conflict in interesting ways with other characters’ concerns in the party. His concerns are born from his home culture, and that culture will continue to be a part of him as he travels abroad.

From there, a character spends Time in order to select what their skills are. A character learns by doing. Since Estvar has his military background, he’s skilled in the sorts of things his home would find useful and spent years training him in. However because he is a member of a religious sect that is more strict than his home as a whole, he won’t wield the more technologically advanced weapons his home can field, as they are far too much like magic. 

His is a pretty sparse background, the sort of life lived without much self-direction. Estvar is dutiful, but has not *pursued* a goal of his own. As such, he will fall behind a character built from the ground up to be the user of some powerful and arcane type of technology or the heir of some destiny.

So how to represent his actual *character?* there comes in the closest thing to a character class that this game has. A character’s Fate is a representation of their personal drive and the arc of their story. If a character’s skills tell you what number you have to roll on your dice to perform an action, a character’s *Fate* will let you manipulate the dice themselves in your favor. A Fate is a quality that can’t be quite defined in the fiction of the world itself. It’s a tilt to the world that makes unlikely happenstance occur suspiciously often.

Estvar’s Fate might be called that of The Pilgrim. He is just a traveller, stepping temporarily into the stories of others along the way, with a city in the far distance, so far away that he feels he might never reach it in his lifetime. It’s the journey that matters.

His journey is one of discovery, and as such he starts a little less capable than others. But his ears are open to other’s stories. When he eventually finds himself at the end of the road, he will look back on his journey as the same man who started, and yet profoundly changed.

Many of those changes will be in the form of new skills or in connections to other characters. He’ll build a web of relationships and pick up new goals, whether his own or shared with new companions. Perhaps he will even turn his back on his path, inverting his Fate and defying it, becoming a Wanderer, aimless. But there is no dual-classing in this game. If a character rejects their path, it will continue to loom over them as that inversion. A man avoiding the inevitable end of the road, but the city will ever be on the horizon, waiting.

But the other side of time passing is injury and hardship. Wounds tell a character’s story as much as the character’s goals do. Estvar starts with a mental scar that is difficult for him to recognize or overcome: a paranoia that if he does not undertake certain rituals, that bad things will happen as a result, an illogical fixation he can't overcome by fighting it. There’s no great reason behind it, he simply has this scar and will carry it for his journey. 

As odd as it is to say anything can synergize with a mental illness, his faith gives him a way to mediate this problem by being Absolved when he feels that he has sinned in some way. Many of the sins he holds against himself are not ones that anyone else would worry about, but they weigh on him. And this is one way he can be free of them.

Physical injuries are handled the same way. If he breaks an arm, Estvar will need to get medical treatment for it and rest enough to recover. Should everything go well, the wound may heal without a trace. But equally, he might carry a scar for the rest of his life. Scars are permanent, and vary in severity. They tell a character’s story, and inform their future actions. They can be dramatic to roleplay, and sometimes they’re cool to look at.

And with that, without getting too far into any specifics, is Estvar. I’ll be talking about his home city and its allies next, but this is the end of this blog post. It’s an *intention.* calling my shot. These are the types of things I want a player to be thinking about when they make a character or try to bring a character over to this system.

and as for something a little further in the future... I never said Estvar was *human* now did I?

If you’re interested in hearing more, I’m aiming to make a post like this every week. If you’d like to contribute to this endeavor and help me pay rent, i have a Ko-fi! you can find it here, and every bit is appreciated:

[mala--draws]

hear me out. all of you from encanto and the outsiders if Anyone could express their feelings

look at this home, we need a new foundation

it may seem hopeless, but we'll get by just fine

the gang after johnny and dally's deaths. after the curtises have lost their parents, after all this loss, death and change, they can't expect their relationships to be the same (couGh cough Darry n pony Cough)

look at this family, a glowing constellation

so full of stars, and everyone wants to shine

but the stars don't shine, they burn

everyone wants more than what they've got all in different ways in the gang. pony wants out from this life, to go to college and do god knows what. darry's so worried about keeping up this 'superman' front for the state and his brothers he exhausts himself with his work and worry. dally, in some ways like bob, wants to be denied, wants to defy authority (i suppose for the thrill? in the book he has 'nothing to hate' so he hates on the socs). I can go onnnn

darry:

and i'm sorry i held on too tight

just so afraid i'd lose you too

the miracle is not some magic that you've got, the miracle is you– not some gift, just you

the miracle is you (all of you, all of you)

is darry a words guy? naw and we love him for it and he has literally minimal correlation to abuela (vastly different motivations backstories bLahblah) but darry wants to do better by his brothers because god he loves them but he doesn't always know how to. he loves pony but pony doesn't use his head and can't get that in his stupid noggin/j

(soda at the end for all of u heart shatters into tiny microplastic-sized shards)

we see how bright you burn

we see how brave you've been

now see yourself in turn

you're the real gift kid, let us in

incoherent sobbing No more words (im a liar) they wouldn't be who they are if they could suddenly all communicate but damn what a nice change for a moment it'd be. actually could never imagine book/movie gang Saying anything remotely like this but musical gang.... like in a roundabout way...... maybe mmmmm

y'all reckon modern au! pony falls down the therapy speak rabbit hole and tries to get the gang in on it because he thinks he can fix everyone's issues but johnny (no knowledge 'bout it just straight sense) is like 'aren't u making the real stuff less legit tho? is it accessibility or like... [delegitimisating professional terms,] makin' 'em lose their meaning? well idk man u do u but like don't drag me into it' and pony's like shit... bro's got a point and drags himself out of the hole and realises yeah context, engrained notions of masculinity and demographic differences means not every have access to Or even wants that sorta language. the language can help but it doesn't matter if y'all understand each other real alright. he's like 'johnny i love you(/p) i would commit a minor felony for you

[schmilsson]

hey do you have recommendations for places to start if youre looking to get into polar expeditions. i have to walk 20 minutes in freezing temperatures every morning and i feel like it would be really helpful for morale if i was able to think about guys who were having an even worse time then i was

oh thats a scary question ive only just got here. um watch the terror season 1 it's about franklin's lost expedition it is very good i havent actually looked more into the expedition itself historically speaking YET but i kind of want to now bc thinking about guys who are having a way worse time is indeed a very good way to improve morale i can attest to this. im currently around halfway? through madhouse at the end of the earth by julian sancton it's about a belgian expedition to antarctica it is Very fun (but also fucked up you know how it is)! my source (=dear friend who knows more than me) also suggests "the worst journey in the world" by apsley cherry-garrad which is a firsthand account of an expedition to the south pole which is very "heartfelt & depressing" and also the blog polarpics for great images and potential rabbit holes. happy expeditioning

[jev-urisk]

A Musing Monday 🎐

Today I am musing on too many things! 😵‍💫

My brain feels crowded by little rabbit holes and I keep catching myself fully lost in them to the point where im getting salty or spicy or sad over imaginary scenarios. Ive been having more nightmares than usual lately, too. So I guess what im going to muse on today is processing things (I'll leave musing on innovation and the way its weaponized against the working class ((one of the rabbit holes🐰))for another monday)

WHY am I circle-thinking about stuff like 'what would I do if I was stuck in the past?' 'why didnt the industrial revolution provide more ease and profit for every class' or 'how would I convince strong people to protect me if I was in an apocolypse situation?' 😣💫

Now take this with a grain of salt, I may have a psych degree but im not a researcher or anything (just a nerd with autism 🤓); my brain is using fictional scenarios to practice processing🎭🧮. It feels the need to practice because there's a LOT within my brain thats unprocessed right now (hello trauma, hello issues with finding a better job, hello feeling very vulnerable lately). 👋😩

Our brains are solving machines geared to find the answer🤖, and when that answer is not immidiatly available we may experience things like nighmares and intrusive thoughts and maladaptive daydreams to try to get an angle on The Thing thats not processed.🔬

Thinking about The Trauma directly often puts the body in a stress mode thats not condusive to creative problem solving📉. Like being stressed is literally counterproductive to solving bc we go into 🔥survival mode🔥where fight flight etc are The Options Available. Imagining yourself in a historical fiction situation is not a 1-1 ratio to 'what exactly happened when abuse appeared in MY past' and but ya know what, its close enough for our brains to bring it up as a substitute. 🤷

And the fact that our brains have this reaction to The Bad Thing is interesting in itself. 🤔 Why are some bad memories just things that happened, and some are so triggering your mind would rather process terrifying nightmares every night than just.. face The Memory? 🫠 Like it's over, it can't get you now, the past is dead, right?

The solution? Well obviously it looks a bit different for everyone, particularly depending on where you are on your path. 🧭 Like if you have nightmares/intrusive thoughts/maladaptive daydreaming and dont uh... dont have any trauma coming to mind that aint my place to tell you whats next ���. I can only really mind my own gourd here and MY next step is Accelarated Resolution Therapy🗃, which is often used with war veterans with ptsd, to store my truama memories in a better, less triggering way. 📈

Well it turns out that memories like to be filed away by our senses 📂. Like memories sit best and retrieve easier (lets take xmas as an example🎄) if you're remembering the smell of xmas dinner, the sound of wrapping paper, the bite of the cold outside and the taste of hot coco✨️. When memories store poorly, as they usually do with trauma 😔, your body is not just remembering- it is acting as if You Are Still There. 💥📍

Infact to prepare for ART, I have had to purposly bring up all my old memories 😬, which has in turn signalled my brain to circle around pseudo truama thoughts when I'm 'at rest' in attempt to solve whats not really 'solvable' and with that weve gone fuuull circle on my musings here lmao ➿️

I got two weeks until that all important therapy session and until then I figure my brain is gonna keep trying to hampsterwheel 🐹🎡, but perhaps my loop will inspire something within you, or help you out of a loop, or perhaps make you realize you’ve been in a silent loop for awhile now.. 🔄👁👁

In anycase, thank your brain for me! Particularly if its doing these things I described above. It's trying so hard to help and protect you 🧠🫶 My apologies for giving it something so tough to chew on this Monday lmao 😅 Stay safe out there 🫂

(I don't have a taglist for my Monday posts yet, hmu if you want to be tagged on these zanny adventures plz)

[str4ngr]

Hey,I would like to make a request for the obey me bros + side characters with an exchange student MC who was from Alice in borderland and was playing a game before they got transported to the devildom. She still remembers everything that happened in the Borderlands. You can make it as short as possible,no need to get into details,and if you can't do the side characters as well,then do only the brothers

THIS-

pause this is too fucking cool im in love with you ༝༚༝༚

took a soooo long sorry ಥ‿ಥ

i wasn't sure if it was romantic so i made platonic

cw: some graphic descriptions, foul language, all 7 brothers, gn! reader, pining/mostly platonic, cursing, first meeting⟶getting to know each other

side characters will be in another post !

Lucifer

⋆ He could feel something off with you, that constant inability to relax that radiated off of you.

⋆ It was expected for a human to be fearful, he knew that much, but that didn't change the gut feeling he had about your pursed lips

⋆ You were still mind boggled by the previous game that you played, the heads of people blowing up every other moment

⋆ How could you help it but believe this was just another game, a bit weird, but how weird can it be compared to the past?

"Are you alright?" Lucifers voice made you turn from your window quickly, the hairs on the back of your neck standing straight. Your eyes were wide, fearful yet prepared. "Why do you ask?" You shot back, prepared for an inadequate response from the demon of pride, too prideful to be honest, but his concern overwhelmed his devilish instinct, practically blurting out his answer, "You haven't adjusted well, and it's become quite worrying." Eyebrows furrowed you inspected his face, looking for the glitter of deceit that you expected to be there. But there was none. You sighed, shaking your head, "This is such a strange game," "Game?" "Yes game! What the hell else could this be after―" You stood baffled at Lucifers confusion, "are you serious?" He didn't speak a word, just squinted his eyes, his head ticking to the left a bit. "So you're not here to kill me? To try and torture me?" At this point, Lucifer looked completely lost, a bewildered look in his eyes as he listened to you speak, "Where are the cards? Or are you saying there are none?" Your voice squeaked, eyes burning as the realization made you knees falter, letting Lucifer step into your room to catch you, holding your shoulders up-right, "Is it over?" Although he wasn't sure of what you were talking about, he answered, "Yes."

Mammon

⋆ Tried to be his usual level of obnoxious, a childish way to cheer up the seemingly hyper-alert human.

⋆ To his dismay, his ego reeled with every suspicious glare you sent in his direction.

⋆ You never allowed him to get close to you, and within a week, he was absolutely determined to get you to be his friend. But his digging led him into a rabbit hole he couldn't have expected.

"C'mon!" He whined, pulling his tone to an irritatingly high pitch as he followed you in close steps to the secluded outdoor eating area. "Tell me, I know you wanna', I can see it in your eyes," He said with a tone of mockery, that of a mystic. He sat across from you, eyes trained on your grimacing face as you grinned like a fool. Secluded, alone, and without a single harm coming your way was new, especially after weeks of hell on earth. Mammon leans in closer, "Y'know I always see ya frown," Your rose your brow as his sudden observation, "y gotta' have a reason don't cha'? Besides, you're in the human-called hell now, it can't be that bad!" Your teeth grinded at the sentence, his carelessness, his lack of knowledge, his damn arrogance. "Ever heard of hell on fucking earth?" You seethed, brows knitting together, engraving wrinkles of anger into you forehead. You wanted to show him every ounce of pain, every scar, that 'wasn't as bad' as here. You knew you were being unfair, "Look, I don't need to explain to you, but I don't care what your game is, I'm not dealing with it." But he was relentless, all of lunch irritating you for your story, until you met your match. "Fine. I'll tell you, but don't vomit you pussy."

Leviathan

⋆ He was fairly knowledgable in the categories of fictional horror

⋆maybe he even recognized your little hint dropping, the way your eyes widened in shock at the poster of Arisu, who was inevitably his favorite character

⋆ His curiosity grew insatiable, and although he thought he would feel jealous, thinking about the storyline he was grateful.

"You were actually in Borderland???" Levi's jaw hits the floor as you give him an unamused look. "No I'm delusional," you sarcastically respond. Levi tries to muster a coherent response but he turns into a stuttering mess as he tries to ask every question all at once. "Yes I was really there--" "Did you meat Arisu?" Your face deadpans, in awe at the fact that his first question was about Arisu, but you couldn't help is when your lips curled, "Yes, yes I did," It was adorable how excited Levi was, he was so jealous you got to meet his favorite character. Your heart lightened, you felt better around the man who turned your darkness into some silly fangirling. You felt the tension of fear fall away as you talked more about your experiences, mentioning the horrors of the games for Levi to give you a comforting look, make some kind of bizarre joke to make you laugh in such a grim topic. It was a change that wasn't unwelcome, the cool blue light from the fishtanks in Levis room glistens over your skin as you chuckle at his awkward recover.

Satan

⋆ You were very cautious around the sharp tongued brother, afraid he was the trickster that Mira came to be.

⋆ While he most definitely wasn't as horrific, he was still calculating, and it made your skin crawl when you couldn't ever tell what he was thinking

⋆ But it was different for him, he saw through your fake smile, he saw the way you flinched at ever gory joke made by fellow devils.

Satan followed closely as you excused yourself from the classroom during a break. Your classmates had been humoring themselves on a cruel scene of forms of torture, causing you squirm in discomfort as the memories of your days, not even a month before, in Borderland. Truly, you felt that maybe before all of...that, you could have joined in their laughter, but no longer. Satan was surprised by your queasiness, since, to him, you seemed like someone who could laugh with the crowd. And now peaking his interest, he carefully walked behind you as he listened to your incoherent muttering, watching as you slip behind the stares to the under pocket. He was concerned, confused, and curious, he peaked around to see you curled up, hands on your ears as you closed your eyes, carefully calming yourself down. He stood in watch, not approaching closer, and not running away. Just waiting for the right time When you opened your eyes you saw him, peaking around the corner, eyes meeting suddenly. "What's wrong?" He asked casually, reading your eyes the best he could. "I think I've seen too much of the things that they only imagine," He ponders your words, mind branching out in infinite possibilities to your story, "How so?"

Asmodeus

⋆ The devil of lust was not new to reading people, especially when it came to pleasure and pain.

⋆ He read you like an open book, even if you tried to squeeze yourself into the walls out of paranoia.

⋆ Asmo wanted to welcome this new human as best as possible, but how would he do that without knowing what they were into?

⋆ He would quickly find out bloody vampires were not one.

"Oh you know you can tell me," Asmo's eyes gleamed seductively as he looked at your face of horror, blood dripping from his vampire teeth inserts and cape pulled to cover the lower half of his face. "Oh hell no," You responded, feeling the rise of a sour taste on the back of your tongue as you turned away, vicious memories of your last game, quite cannibalistic in summery. Your gut screamed at you for letting your guard down and coming to this psychopaths room, the one who constantly wanted to know too much. But too much was not your comfort as you learned to keep yourself away from another person, for your own sanity, but here there was a man who was so infatuated with physical contact he acted as though you were a magnet to his skin. You turned away from him to quickly rush to the bathroom, Asmo on your heels as he whined for an answer, "Oh, please, Sweetheart! Just a quick one would be nice!" He wailed, red-stained hand gripping your uniform. "I'm too curious!" Asmo continued to whine and nag at you for an answer to his curiosities, "How the actually hell do I explain that I saw people eat each other alive like last week." "What."

Belphegor

⋆ Your dark circles of sleepless nights gave way to his curiosity.

⋆ He was a man of good sleep after all, and of course he knew when someone wasn't having good sleep.

⋆ He wanted to help you, let you sleep peacefully from whatever was haunting your dreams.

You were on the couch, casually lying down while trying to keep your mind empty. Last night was the same as the nights before, not a blink of sleep, mind about to explode with paranoiac thoughts and nightmares. You were so exhausted, maybe your brain would finally give up and let you sleep. Belphie walked into the room, spotting you, as your made a pitiful attempt at a nap. It was obvious you were struggling, knitted brows, twitching fingers, all of your mind was over active. "Need some help?" His coarse voice cut through your thoughts, the sudden sound very unexpected. You gave him a confused look, "I can put you to sleep you know." He said nonchalantly, looking away from your direction. "Why the hell have you not told me earlier?" "I just started to looking at you, you know," "....Put me to sleep, asshole. " He shrugged, mirroring the soft smile that grew on your face, savoring the oddly friendly moment between two enemies. Well, now frenemies in his book, hopefully in yours as well, maybe your would say so when you woke up later.

Beelzebub

⋆ He quite literally helped you eat away your sadness.

⋆ Beel could tell something was up, so he would drag you to the kitchen, no questions asked, to just eat with him, or let him do a mukbang.

⋆ It was nice to not have someone up your ass about not telling your story.

"These are so good!" Beel exclaimed, starry eyed with his mouth full, letting you barely understand as you grinned, "I told you!" Having recommended cooking some of your favorite foods, and him happily agreeing, there was now platter after platter of meals, just for him and you. His face was slobbered and he happily ate the food the two of you just spent that last hours cooking, tasting and trying again, really taking your mind away from the stress and trauma of Borderland. "Maybe we'll have leftovers for once," Beel says, amazed at the pure quantity of the food sitting in front of him. You look at him, giving him a sarcastic look before breaking out into laughter. Be started laughing to, to his dismay, to choke on his food. Of course, like the great friend you were, you laughed first before asking if he needed help. Beel takes a big swallow, and after a moment of silence, bellows back into boisterous cackles, throat dry from the big bite. "We should do this more often," Beel smiled happily, looking at your with chipmunk cheeks full of food, rubbing his stomach as his calmed down n tried to sooth the pain from laughing too much, "Yeah, we should." You smiled, rubbing your sore cheeks.

-ˋˏ✄┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈┈

i hope this was good im sorry it was so long and took so long ಥ‿ಥ

anyways im excited for barbatos cause of his abilities hehe

ao3 - ScarletEvening

requestor ⤷ @yvonne67

[nadvs]

i LOVE the ending pls it's the most relieving fic ending i've read so far.

Rafe’s been living in an unforgiving cycle of hating the world, looking for blame, all to keep from accepting the truth that there was no sense to what happened. No reason. It just happened. And it left him in pieces.

this is beautiful ❤️ and i think it perfectly encapsulates grief in the most simplest way. like all the confusion, anger, and regret in trying to make sense with "why it had to happen like that" "what if i hadn't/had done this" is just one pointless inescapable rabbit hole. finding somewhere or something to place the blame on, to carry some sense of responsibility with the things that we've lost wouldn't change the fact that it had already happened. eventually, we'll have to accept that it is what it is and that that doesn't have to be despairing. perhaps, it will bring us the only clarity we need. and with that, we can find some hope, a way to move forward.

“What’d I do to deserve you?” he mumbles against your skin.

“Exist,” you say with a gentle laugh.

i'm in love ❤️❤️❤️😭😭

Rafe smirks and moves even closer to you, kissing you as you both lie on his pillow. You rest your palm on his face, gently tapping at the deep dimple in his cheek with your finger.

“You should show these more often,” you say.

“What?”

“Your dimples.”

He laughs, thinking to himself that he’ll do anything you want him to if you’ll keep loving him. He’s drunk on the feeling of the simplicity of being with you. It’s easy and pure.

THEY'RE SO ADORABLE i love them <333 rafe finally being happy after constantly suffering throughout the entire series makes my heart melt

“Still want to marry her,” he says. He can hear the way she laughed when her ten-year-old son told her he hoped you’d be his wife one day, but he’d still want to live at home so he’d beg for you to move in. “She never left my side, mom. I gave her every reason to but I think she saw how much I was hurting.”

Rafe promises her he won’t let so much time pass before he visits again. And when he finds you standing by his bike, he holds you so tightly that he feels your heart beating against his.

the graveyard scene was so bittersweet </3 looking back at their childhood and how anne was the first person to witness the growing love they had for each other, and now they have to continue it without her, even without her, because that's how she would have wanted it 🥺🥺❤️

You love him for long enough that he finally believes if someone as amazing as you can see something in him, it must be there.

aaaaaa im sososo happy they got the ending that they deserve !!!

THANK YOU SO SO SO MUCH 🥹💘 i 100% agree with you. i think the maybe’s and the wait if’s and the bargaining that come up through grieving are a big part of what makes healing so difficult. it’s such a hard realization to come to that no amount of blaming or wondering - no matter how it may feel like it can help - will change anything. and he doesn’t really come to this conclusion until he finally opens up a part of him he kept closed for years.

it was so relieving to write the fluff scenes oml 😭 i kept thinking abt how we all have an inner child and rafe feels happy and relaxed with her like he’s a boy again!!

YOU GET ME 🥹 his mom saw the bond they had, really she was the only one other than them who witnessed just how meaningful their friendship was, so them choosing to keep loving each other is what she would have wanted.

tysm for reading and reviewing 💘 i know when i read books or fics, i have a lot of expectations for the ending so hearing that people liked the conclusion means SO MUCH 😭

[rarepairnation]

hi abby!!! for the fic writer asks: 1, 4, 19, 28? :)

hii anna thank you!!! <3 sorry this took me AGES to do these last two weeks have been simply. exhausting. yeah it’s monday. gonna send you more in a moment to make up for it LOL

1. the last sentence you wrote

“come,” says aragorn, “i may not have the sort of supper master samwise is certainly cooking up, but i hope a different secret will suffice.”

they're hanging out....🥺

4. a story idea you haven't written yet

sooo many...hmm ok what’s plaguing my brain right now that i have no like Zero words on the page for. probably the faramir and gandalf and denethor's death fic. i think about it...frequently. there's a longer post about this somewhere but i just think that faramir and denethor's complicated relationship should get to affect faramir and gandalf's less complicated relationship for the worse <3 what do you even do when you have no one left to blame for the death your father drove himself to and you find out that YOUR mentor saved YOU and then stood by and watched as he burnt himself alive. WHAT DO YOU DO!!!! it plagues me.

19. the most interesting topic you've researched for a fic

i feel like i never end up in particular like….idk. historical rabbit holes like i see some people go into for some reason? actually i know the reason and its if i really let myself get into it id never get anything done. i’ve already been seeing that with rivendell au. and most things i write are so…nebulously atmospheric. that i don’t necessarily need to get the details exactly right. but i guess the one that pops out in my brain is when i ended up on the wikipedia page for “forlorn hope” which is a REAL MILITARY TERM for a sacrificial vanguard. THEY REALLY CALL IT THAT. i think about this all the time.

28. your least favourite part of the writing process

ugh the one im in right now. where im kind of lost in the weeds and muddling through a section (usually the end / some sort of a transition. im awful at those) and it kind of feels like everything is bad and i don’t know what i’m writing about anymore. i find it so hard to step back and get the bigger picture because it feels like it doesn't actually help me put any more damn words on the page. but that is just my brain lying to me.

fic writer's asks

[oceanera12]

Dude, if I wasn’t broke I would literally offer to pay real money for you to write the other side of Tango’s chapter. I know you said you didn’t want to go down the rabbit hole of writing extra parts and considering the length and detail you put into every chapter I totally get it, but man, that rescue mission would be so cool to read. I’m glad we at least have an idea of what happened though because even just imagining the whole operation based on that outline is so much fun.

Also, what is Zedaph doing in the Hunter arc in your handwritten outline? 👀 I am very curious about what you’re gonna do with the sheep man

Btw, speaking of ‘director’s cuts’, do you have any comments on Xb’s chapter? I think I’ve said this before but his and Tango’s together are my favorite bit of this fic so far. Just, the complete contrast between the two and how Xb’s chapter helps to highlight everything that the people in Tango’s situation have lost, how the hunters steal more than just their freedom (as if that was little thing), while at the same time diving into and exploring the joys of the diversity that inhabits this universe. Absolute masterpieces, both chapters.

~ @nightmare761

(Im shadowbanned so i cant go off anon)

Well, that stinks.

If I do any "one-off" chapters with Built Family it will be after the main story is actually done to preserve no only my motivation, but my sanity. So we shall just have to see what happens.

Don't worry about the sheep man. He's fine. No really. Don't worry about him. Don't even think about him. He's fine. He's doing fine. Nothing is wrong with him and you do not need to worry about him doing anything of any sort. He is 100% fine and his chapter is not at all one I am looking forward to writing because I want to see what all of your reactions are. That is not the case at all. Don't worry about him. Don't think, don't even ask about him. Zed's fine, he's fine, he's fINE--

ON TO THE CHAPTER ANALYSIS. To anyone who wants to reread it:

There you go. Everyone else, either scroll by or read on!

xB's chapter is one of my favorites because of all the (MatPat voice) LORE!!!

There is so much of it that if I tried to explain it all we would be here all day so we aren't going to do that. But, I knew that I wanted to show how just because they are all "players" there is culture carried from your origin, your server, whatever. The best way to explore is to try and hit as many as I possibly could.

xB's introductions was longer than I planned, but that was my own fault. I wanted to shove as much Guardian culture into only a few pages and it was impossible. So what was supposed to be "here is a peek into Guardian culture" turned into what could have been a chapter on it's own (a common pattern with this fic and I will not apologize for that).

What xB's original chapter was supposed to mainly consist of was all of his trips and what he learned from everyone. That ended up being condensed into a form of "chat" in his journal entries and honestly? I like it. It leaves room for me to explore future cultures (cough cough *Impusle!* cough cough). We do not get to see all of xB's trips, friends, and visits to various places.

I knew that I wanted to connect Cor to xB somehow. Making him the last "World Walker" since xB was unplanned, but really worked out. Originally, I did want to have Cor and xB talk directly, but I had to cut it because of LENGTH. Seriously, it is annoying how much I want to put in and CAN'T. (Maybe in the future after Built Family is done we'll do scene requests and I'll put them in a collection or something)

Case in point: xB's artist career. As an art major I cannot tell you how much I wanted to dive into all the different mediums, styles, and methods I could see xB doing-- but we'll just have to wait until Beef's chapter, lol.

We get to meet Keralis' wife and kids, however brief. I don't know why, but I really like them as these vague, unseen people for the most part. Not sure why.

xB is suspicious of Keralis and company despite their years of friendship. Beef is suspicious of xB despite their years of friendship. Both of them are not technically "bad" in their assumptions, as they both had their reasons to doubt. Obviously, those assumptions were not correct.

I totally forgot to give Keralis a charm in this chapter but I'm too lazy to care about going back to fix it. Now for everyone else's charms, they are 100% related to backstories or hinting at something in the future. As such, I can't really break them down and their meanings until later. But if y'all want to speculate, be my guest.

xB joining the Hermits because of his culture's leftover charms was kind of thrown together, but I like it. xB is one of the few Hermits where he's guided by his feelings and I kind of love him for it. We have a lot of Hermits who are logical in their actions.

I think that's all I got on xB's chapter but if you have any specific questions, feel free to ask and I'll answer in the notes.

[celestie0]

ellie did you hear about the solar storm thing thats been going around?

my friend gave me a detailed explanation abt what it is whats going to happen n all n honestly i am TERRIFIED.

like it genuinely seems so real that i cant even convince myself that this is another one of those silly things that go around each year

the fact that research for this solar storm has been going on since 2019 is ???? scary ????

makes it seem more believable tbh bc if it was not real it wouldn't have been going on for so long

IM SO SCARED 😭 genuinely cried when my friend was telling me ab this and she also said thwt we'll get to know ab when the solar storm is going to hit about 30 minutes before AND NOW IM PARANOID BC IT CAN HIT ANY MOMENT NOOOOO

and to top this off my mother told me that not many ppl will survive till 2027 i have no idea where she got that from but she scared me even more

this is so bad.

hii my love yess ive heard of the solar storm, i know that solar flares in general have been talked about a lot for a while now but i didn’t know that there was recent news about it!

i’m sorry you’re experiencing anxiety regarding it :””( yeahh ive heard that solar flares are near impossible to predict in advance for a lot of reasons, so that can definitely heighten the fear

hm idk if it makes you feel better but i remember nasa n other news outlets were talking about solar storms the exact same way about a year ago (i just remember telling my dad ab it cuz he works in aerospace n figured his company might’ve been discussing it) but nothing happened at all within the six month period that the news had been freaking out about LOL. i panicked a lot then too n my dad said it was just fear mongering lmfaoo 💀 (he’s kind of a cynic though haha) but yea i just bring this up because it’s not the first time this sort of news has been sensationalized

following any sort of space stuff can be scary for sure n it’s super easy to get lost in article rabbit holes that can really disrupt your quality of life in the present :( but i think there have been multiple instances of space phenomena that have been hyped up in media (even by a lot of reputable news outlets) that have not really affected daily life as much as it was thought to (like the never ending cycle of news about new asteroids, the whole aliens thing, etc)

i think it’s important to remember that the scientists that are actually behind the research are completely different entities than the people writing up articles about it online, so you always have to take the news with a grain of salt or maybe try to look into accounts from the actual researchers behind the findings (who, more often than not i’ve found, don’t even panic about their own research to the level of extent a lot of media ppl do online haha)

i’m not saying i don’t believe in the possibility of a solar storm or anything like that lol i just think there’s a lot of tendency in news these days to scare tf outta people for no reason

also correct me if im wrong but the largest danger of a solar storm would be disruption of radio & internet frequencies right? i thought they werent actually powerful enough to cause any sort of biological radiation harm ;0 loss of internet access would definitely be a weird thing to see and could put stress on more developed countries, but a lot of the world doesnt even have internet access to begin with so i’m not sure how much it will actually affect livelihood (i’m aware that it’d affect a LOT of things for sure, but i’m talking ab dangers like life or death situations, n i just cant imagine that being the case? but if you’ve looked into that more than i have n have more to share then lemme know i’m really curious)

sorry, im just bringing this all up in hopes it helps w your fears, n not to invalidate them! bc i totally get it, it’s scary stuff esp when it’s stuff you feel like you have no control over. but there’s a lot of things in life we have no control over, i think it’s best to just focus on what we can control n just try to enjoy today :)

thank u for ask bb <3

[tojisun]

Hi! I’m the one who asked for writing tips, and while at first I thought I’d keep my identity a secret (as if this is Gossip Girl) I thought I’d saw my appreciation with my name on top! Most people write anonymous asks, but I know I love it when I know who I’m speaking to, so, officially ✨hello✨

I’m actually a writer from another fandom who expanded to JJK after reading the manga and falling into the Toji rabbit hole. I didn’t think I’d actually start writing about him myself, but I ultimately lost to my urges ;-; I’d already started writing a multi-part fic about him when I sent you my message, but still wanted to see how a pro Toji writer would advice me to go about it! Thankfully crossing from one fandom to the other seems like a smooth tradition? Too early to tell, but I am glad to join your ranks.

Your tips were quite helpful, and I couldn’t help but notice how warm you are as a person! Whenever I read your fanfics, I get this warm fuzzy feeling and I wondered what kind of person writes such fics, and reading your response sort of affirmed that it’s someone who loves writing and their fans. You are one of my fav Toji writers for that reason, because you see him through this lens of affection and love that really matches his character, and the love/affection he didn’t have growing up in his life. That feeling is irreplaceable imo.

BUT enough bootlicking ahaha if I’m being honest, I’ve never really written a fan letter before and it’s been about two months since I started reading your work and I had a lot of accumulated praise. How we break though… that broke me. I got actual tears in my eyes, and “hated” you for a moment because this was pure sadism 😭

Don’t think there’s anything more to say other than thank you for getting back to me, sorry for this mess of a message and I wish you all the best 💜

HI MIRTO!!! NICE TO OFFICIALLY MEET UUU! im genuinely sorry for replying to this late. my summer sem’s abt to end so the projects and papers and group presentations are beating my ass 😭

the toji rabbit hole is insane ur so real for this. i too was just tryna make sense of jjk when i fell into the toji rabbit hole myself and boom insane pining ensued. but AHHH the multi-part fic??? pls drop da link baby 🤲🏼

im so glad that ur transition to the fandom was smooth!!! i had a trouble once with transitioning to a fandom bc while i was frothing at the mouth at the idea of writing about them, i had so little grasp of accurate characterization that it ate me up and i just gave up so fast hdjsjhssj so hell yeee that u didnt go through that <333

and omg?? thank u so much hhhhsh i dont see myself a pro in terms of writing for toji but holy fuck thank you. AND THANK YOU again oh my god im so soft rn, my heart’s so full and hhhh im so happy to see that im able to convey the affection i have for both toji and my readers in my works!! you guys make it so worth it to write yk? and toji’s this amazing character thats so dynamic and complex and theres so much opportunity to world build. ugh i love him sm

i am a number one supporter of making toji soft as fuckk. my man deserves to be loved and to love just as kindly. and he can be the gruff dilf that he is but also still be soft and gentle and warm, yk??? he deserves to be that!!!

im laughing at the hwb comment omg shdjejd im still so happy that it is still getting interactions and that it leaves impression on readers 🥹 thank you for your guys’ pain teehee

no bc one of my friend came up to me n said they couldnt even pick up the manga bc they hated toji and omg i was like “nooooo hes not just an asshole u have to understand!!! hes just a human and sometimes love doesnt work out” and she was like “THATS EXACTLY WHY” and i knew that i accomplished my goal <33

but yea! thank you so much mirto for your message, pls dont apologize for it!!! i loved reading every sentence babe. and pls dont mind how long my response has gotten omg i just tend to ramble. take care darling <333

[yoccult]

cw food, diet culture, and weight loss talk

day 6 and I can confidently say this medication is working a little too well. I lost 6 lbs in not even a week it’s actually kind of alarming how fast it works. It also makes me not hungry all day and I have very little desire to eat or snack on anything. the snacking thing is okay since I had a bad habit of eating nothing but snacks, but i don’t even feel like eating full meals most days.

I’m a little bit concerned that this is bordering into disordered territory but i knew what i was getting into when I talked to my doctor about weight loss. I knew she would likely prescribe me an appetite suppressant since ozempic was not an option for me.

I’m doing my best to avoid falling into diet mentality/culture again. But I have begun counting calories again and writing in a food diary to hold myself accountable, and I think it’s really helping me visualize what kinds of food I eat in a day and how much of it.

I did go down somewhat of a weight loss rabbit hole online and discovered that the reason I struggle so much with weight is because im short. apparently it’s much harder for petite females in particular to lose weight because we naturally burn a lot less calories compared to folks of average height. so it’s either we have to eat less to a nearly unhealthy degree or we have to burn more calories.

I do believe anyone can be healthy regardless of size and that bmi is bullshit and that weight doesn’t determine a persons worth etc but in my case being obese came with health issues like prediabetes and heel pain. So im trying to remind myself that im doing this for my health first and foremost and that appearance is just a bonus.

[myrealitymyfuture]

Im so funny- I really need to stop making things up and texting boys - I’ve been running thru them like crazy smh

The attention is definitely addicting and I get a lot of it- despite this it never feels like enough- from one person from 2 even 3. There is always something new and shinier

It’s nothing personal and writing about it will help me but making up the scenarios js already starting and I can’t go down a John rabbit hole again bc of how unhealthy that was

I lost control of this and idk how to go back from it smhhhhh

Ugh I don’t want to say this but on to the next-

Lost ina little digital world

Worlds apart,

Even better,

I am healing,

I am healthy

I am okay even if everything is not okay

And I do notice that everytime I get engulfed by any whirlwind it’s bc I want to be sooo distracted soo sooo distracted

It’s whatever I don’t think I came off too strong but maybe I did-

Regardless, I really need to keep my shit together in the next few months

I might need to take a break from the boys like frrrrrrr frrrr even tho I don’t want to :(

Okay- how would I do this?

My health physical like needs a break too

I’ve been excessive these past few weeks

It’s gonna be okay but I gotta lock innnnn

Like frrrr

I don’t remember or exactly know what my fantasy is but I do think that keeping it fun girl and easy going is chill but in the end, chasing pure hedonism in these trysts leaves me feeling emptyish :(

It’s like every encounter has a close ending and I don’t want to b jaded but part of me is steering that way-

I know it’s me- I have blind faith but ooops I keep getting ghosted and it’s like I like it like that- it’s fucked - don’t really know why I do that.

It’s like every cli is so responsive it’s almost relieving there is no action in being ghosted

Whatever it is - I’m not apologizing

No

No

Ugh

I have a weakness

For hot men

That are younger than me

And I wish I could work tonight

But I can’t

It’s all good love