#IT MEANS SO MUCH TO ME BUT NOBODY KNOWS ABOUT IT

[pseudowho]

"You know, Nanamin'," Yuuji started, between mouthfuls, "when we first met, I thought I wouldn't like you at all."

Kento raised one thin eyebrow over the rim of his paper-cup coffee. He sat with you, and Yuuji, at a dirt road Konbi overlooking Tokyo. The sun was setting, casting the city as a silhouette against oranges, purples. You could smell the earthy petrichor of an incoming storm. Yuuji did not mind, thoughtful as he slurped at an instant ramen.

"Like, really," Yuuji continued, his mouth puckered up, "I thought you were boring. Unfunny, grumpy, miserable. Maybe even a little bit mean." Yuuji laughed now, becoming gradually more animated as he set the scene. "And when you tried to lecture me, while I was fighting that curse? Insane. I was like, 'Who the hell is this guy?'"

You covered your mouth, hiding a smile, eyes flicking between your unreadable husband, and the bubbling boy opposite him. Yuuji finished laughing, wiping his eyes and sighing into another slurp of noodles.

You placed a surreptitious hand on Kento's thigh under the table, and he barely reacted, but to tense and cross his arms. Yuuji rested his chin on one hand, eyes softening as he looked over the ant-like lights, moving in scattered formation across the city.

"But then...I realised. You just cared. I mean, really cared. About me. And if I wasn't being treated right. And if I was gonna be okay." Yuuji swallowed, his voice thickening. "And I...didn't have anyone left like that. The only person I ever did have was my grandad, and maybe he just took care of me because he had to, y'know? But you chose to. Even though I'm...I'm a monster."

You saw Kento squirm within. You knew he'd had his misgivings about Sukuna's Vessel, before Kento knew him as Yuuji. You knew the shame and guilt Kento carried for that. His shoulders ached, a pall-bearer of emotions for so many.

"And you're hilarious. Anyone can see it, really. And you're a rebel. And a protester. And you stand up for the little guy when nobody else wants to. And you don't do it to make us like you. You just...believe it's right. And don't get me wrong, I like Gojo-sensei too, but I love you."

You pursed your lips, closing your eyes and trying not to tear up on Kento's behalf. Kento remained silent, arms crossed and frowning down at his steaming coffee. Yuuji looked at you, uncertain. You gently flapped one hand; don't worry, you're alright, you're okay.

Kento eventually broke his silence, his voice gruff. He pushed his bank card across the table to Yuuji.

"Itadori-kun." Yuuji sat to attention, wide-eyed. "Go and get yourself some snacks. As much as you like. And the other students, too, if you know what they'd want."

Yuuji took the card in confusion, with both hands and a little bow, and disappeared inside the shop, the automatic doors booping behind him.

Kento stood, your hand falling off his lap, and grasped the metal railings overlooking the city, with his back to you. His shoulders were taut, stiff, occasionally hitching with emotion. You felt him, as you always had.

"...Kento? Are you alright?"

A thick swallow and a sniffle before a single gravelly, "Yeah. I'm fine, I...I'm fine."

[juleswritesstuff]

Am I the only one who thinks most of the Marauders and the Slytherin Skittles would have the biggest praise kink in history ?

warnings: smut

I feel like it would be more prominent while he is intimate with you. He is mostly afraid of not living up to the expectation he thinks you have of him. So you make sure he knows that he makes you literally touch the sky.

Just a little thought I had today. Let me know if you want a part two with the reader and the boys' roles reversed, I'll be more than happy to comply 😉

Enjoy💗

James would have one because of his constant need to be perfect, to be what he thinks the others need him to be: the perfect son, the perfect friend, the perfect student. But he always has doubts ‘am I enough ?’, ‘am I doing enough ?', ‘will they like me ’, ‘what if they don’t ? what if they hate me ?’ He needs to be reassured that he is. He is enough, he is more than enough. 

‘That was the best match i’ve ever watched ! Merlin, you were brilliant on that broom James’ after Gryffindor wins the last match of the year.

‘What do you mean ‘stupid’ ? They’re your glasses baby, they help you see. And you look really hot wearing them in my opinion’ after he overhears someone talking about another person and saying they look stupid with that specific pair of glasses.

‘Like that, baby. You’re doing so good’ while he is covering your neck with kisses and gentle bites.

‘Yes, yes, fuck, right there Jamie’ after a particularly deep and strong thrust leaves you breathless.

‘You look so good between my legs, love’ while he is eating you out messily and hungrily and so, so perfectly.

‘No one feels as good as you. No one could ever make me feel the way you do, James’ while he is still inside of you, catching his breath and looking at you with devotion.

‘Are you sure it was ok ?’

‘James, it was more than ok. My legs are shaking baby, that's a sign that it pretty damn amazing’

‘Are you serious ?’

‘Apart from the very lame joke I am sure you’re thinking about, yes, I am. Actually, why don’t I show how serious I really am ?’

‘What do you mean, baby?’

‘I mean that you’re gonna fuck me again and i’ll show you how much I always crave your lips, then a third time and i’ll make sure the entire castle hears how you can make me cry with just your tongue, then a fourth because that perfect dick of yours needs to be fucking worshipped, and, finally, a fifth to show you that you fuck me so good that not a single coherent thought processes in my head when you're taking me apart on your cock, Jamie’ 

Remus would have one because he has hated himself his whole life. He feels like a monster, like he doesn’t deserve all the love he is surrounded by, like all the good things people say about him are just lies. And he knows the truth, he knows he is nothing but an horrid creature and that he doesn’t deserve to be loved. Except that it isn’t the truth, and you tell him everyday.

With him I feel like it would be more out of the bedroom, and outside of sex, but not exclusively.

‘You’re really good at that spell Remus, mind showing me how it’s done ?’ after he gets a rather difficult charm right at the first try.

‘You look very hot today, Rem. Well, you look hot everyday actually’ which makes him blush from head to toes.

‘You’re the best, you know ? You really are’ after he explains a difficult concept that nobody else got, but him.

‘Holy hell, right there Remus. You feel way too good’ while he eases in and out of you with a steady rhythm, knocking the air out of your lungs.

‘You take such good care of me’ while he is going down on you, slowly, sensually and with a glint of hunger in his eyes, knowing exactly what to do to make you fall apart.

‘I love you, you know that right ?’

‘Yes, darling. You tell me everyday’ 

‘Well, that’s not enough. From now on, I'll tell you twice a day’

‘But why ?’

‘Because it’s true' and then you give him the sweetest kiss.

Sirius would have one because he has been told his whole life that he wasn’t enough. That he needed to be better, to do better, to be a better heir for the Noble House of Black, to be a better son, to be a better brother. He was told that he was worthless, that his parents had no use in having a son like him. He was a disappointment, a shame to the family. For them he didn’t exist anymore.

But for you he was the most perfect person to ever walk on earth. Your brightest star.

He would love it both inside and outside the bedroom. I feel like he would also ask you to tell him something that makes him feel good, especially when he is having a bad day. He has no problem being praised in public, but he becomes especially vulnerable when you’re intimate because he can finally let go.

‘Tell me what did I do to have the best boyfriend ever ?’ After he brings you flowers one day because he told you they reminded them of you.

‘It’s ok Sirius, you’ll get it eventually. You’re one of the best students, you just need a bit more time which is totally fine’ after the tenth time he tries to get one of the most difficult spells right, only for it to go wrong.

‘You’re worth it Sirius. You’re worth every single good thing that happens to you, never doubt that’ after he breaks down reading one of his mothers older letters, full of foul words directed at him.

‘You’re such a good boy, aren’t you ?’ after he listens to you so well, kissing every inch of your body.

‘Fuck, you should see yourself baby. You look so good, so perfect for me’ while you’re on his lap, riding him slowly to savor that sultry fucked out expression on his face that makes you go feral.

‘You’re so sweet, Sirius, do you know that ? So fucking sweet’ after you bob your head on his length, swirling your tongue around his head to suck gently as his taste coats your mouth.

‘Was I good ?’

‘You’re always good, Sirius. More than’

‘Are you sure ?’

‘Do you want me to describe in detail how good you are at splitting me open in every position known to man ? Because I can do that if you want. Might take three whole days though, a week if you want me to talk about that sinful tongue of yours, too’

‘I think we have enough time’ and then you both start laughing.

Regulus would have one because he’s been second his whole life. Second for his brother, second for his parents before Sirius left , sometimes he feels second even for his friends. He thinks no one cares deeply about him, he’s just there as a rebound. He’s never been anyone’s first choice, and he thinks he never will be.

You make sure he knows that not only he would be your first choice in every lifetime, but that he would also be the only choice for you, no one else would or could ever compare. He is the center of your universe after all.

I feel like he would blush like crazy and pretend he is annoyed by your words when you’re in public and you praise him even for the simplest thing, but his eyes would also warm up a little, just for a second, before going back to his blank and rather stoic expression. He would be a mess in the bedroom though, when he can finally let go and he allows himself to feel good about the sweet words that leave your lips.

‘You have the prettiest eyes I have ever seen’ after he catches you staring at him for a moment too long.

‘Your poems are literally art, Regulus. I can’t believe you can write like this, you know this is pure talent, right ?’ after he shows you his poems for the first time and you nearly cry because more than half of them are dedicated to you.

‘You were so good up there, Reggie. And the way you caught the Snitch ? Fucking incredible. You are incredible’ after Slytherin wins one of the biggest matches of the season thanks to Regulus catching the Snitch one minute from the end.

‘You feel so good, love. Stretching me out so well’ after his cock slides inside of you perfectly, filling you up so nicely.

‘Eyes on me, Regulus. They’re so gorgeous, I want them focused me while I make you cum, ok ? Be good and keep them open’ as you stroke his length up and down, feeling the velvety soft skin on your palm as you give his head a gentle suck, tasting him on your tongue.

‘You’re so pretty when you’re all fucked out, Reggie. You feel so good taking me like this’ while you’re riding him and he looks at you with hazy eyes, lust and pure bliss fogging his brain’

‘I’m yours Regulus. I’m undoubtedly, irrevocably and utterly yours’

‘Promise me’

‘I promise, I’m not going anywhere. I’m afraid you’re stuck with me forever, actually’

‘Mmh, it’s gonna be hard, but I’ll survive I guess’ while you’re still joined, one body and one soul as you kiss him slowly and sweetly, his tone sarcastic but betrayed by the smile that's progressively growing on his lips.

Barty would have one because his father never gave him his attention. He was never enough for him, never a good son, never a good student, never good. He was constantly ignored, and the few times his father acknowledged him was to tell him that he was a lost cause, a disgrace, a shame. He was just a stupid boy, too reckless, too careless, too unhinged, too much, and, at the same time, never enough. But it wasn’t like that. He was a bit impulsive, and sometimes he went a little bonkers, but he was a good person, and there were people who cared about him and his well being. You always made sure he knew that. He was your priority.

I have a feeling that he would be completely unashamed of being praised in public exactly like he is praised in the bedroom. Probably not in front of the whole school, but he wouldn't really care if people eavesdropped, his crooked grin widening when he notices their horrified faces. It is  their fault, they could mind their own damn business.

‘Yes, Barty, you’ve been a good boy’ after he asks you if he has been good after getting an O in Potions.

‘Baby, we’re in public, I can’t just scream about how good you fuck me. There are people eating, for Merlin’s sake’ after he sees a guy talking to you before sitting at the table in the Great Hall. He asks you if you could tell him that he is the only one who could make you come with just his skilled fingers.

‘Don’t think like that ever again, Barty. You are not a lost cause, you aren't. You deserve good things, you deserve the best things, sweetie. You deserve to be loved, and I do. I love you so much Barty, don’t ever think you are not important to me because you are. You mean the world to me’ after he receives a letter from his father asking how a cretin like him was able to find someone who could love him. If he hadn’t begged you to stop after calming down a little you would’ve been in Azkaban with a murder charge by now.

‘Fuck, I love when you do that. Feels amazing, baby’ after he trails a path of kisses down your chest only to focus on the tender flesh of your nipple as he sucks gently, and grazes it with his teeth, teasing you.

‘Harder, baby. I know you like it like this’ while his thrusts become more erratic, stronger and deeper and you can hardly think.

‘You’re cock is perfect, Barty. Fills my mouth so nicely’ while you’re sucking him off, his tip hits your throat and you swallow as the loudest moan leaves his mouth.

‘I told Mulciber that no one can make you scream as loud as I do’

‘You did what ?! Barty !’

‘What ? Is it not true ?’

‘I- of course it’s true, but why did you have to tell him ?’

‘He was being rather cocky about the fact that he could make you scream like, and I quote ‘a bitch’. Then he started using other very disrespectful words to describe you baby, and at that point I had to punch him right in the face, because no one has to even dare to talk about you like that. He is actually lucky my Sectumsempra is not perfect yet, or he would’ve ended way worse. And then I added that little detail. I probably shouldn’t have done it, but I was furious. Do you want me to obliviate him ? I can do that if you want’

‘It’s fine, he needs some salt rubbed on his wounds’

‘Are you sure ?’

‘Yes, baby. And it’s nothing new, I'm sure the entire dorm hears me when you’re fucking me, I can't help it. Now come on my knight in bloody knuckles, let’s go to Madame Pomfrey to get those bruises checked’ you kiss him lightly before heading to the infirmary.

[collapsedglasshouses]

HOTEL NEIGHBORS || Noah Sebastian x fem!Reader

PHOTO CREDIT: Bryan Kirks

SUMMARY: After you hear Noah talk about liking experienced women, you can't help but feel insecure about yourself. Noah wants nothing but to lift your spirits.

WARNINGS: SMUT, MDNI, friends to lovers, inexperienced reader, slight ? dom!noah i guess, oral sex (female receiving), unprotected p in v (dont do that), slight mutual pining?, not edited oopsie, ...

TAGLIST: @measuredingold @cncohshit @circle-with-me @jilliemiw86 @justeli6

A/N: This idea planted itself in my head last night and I don't even know what to say anymore. I’m more than stressed because of university, but I hope my creative spark is coming back rather sooner than later. Is anyone actually reading what I say here. If you're reading this say hi in the comments, ily. Please, enjoy and consider reblogging if you liked it.

You didn’t exactly know you had gotten into this situation but at this exact moment you were shifting in your place and wanted nothing more but to vanish into thin air.

You were currently sitting in a hotel lobby, exhausted and tired from the show the boys had played, and waited for Matt to hand you the keys to your hotel rooms. Somehow in the course of the last ten minutes, the conversation between the guys had turned. They were talking about previous relationships and the experience it came with since Folio had been freshly separated from his ex-girlfriend.

“I don’t know what it is, but I feel like I just want someone with more experience, you know? I’m not saying I wouldn’t date anyone who doesn’t have much experience but I just-… I don’t know. You know what I mean, Noah?” Folio rambled and looked at the man next to you in hopes to find confirmation.

“Yeah, I know. I prefer women with experience, too. I guess.” Noah just mindlessly mumbled while looking at his phone.

You knew for sure the boys didn’t say this in an ill intend but somehow this exchange began to bother you more than you wanted it to. In all honesty, it felt like a punch straight to your face. You felt stupid that this simple exclaim from Noah got to you, but you couldn’t really help it. It wasn’t like you never had sex. You had a boyfriend that you dated from high school to about two years ago, but when it came to your sex life it felt like you never really experienced anything. You knew almost everything that only concerned you, but when it came to another person being involved, your knowledge stopped. You knew what you liked and what you disliked. But that didn’t make the conversation you just witnessed any less hurtful.

You swallowed hard before standing up from your waiting seat in a rather fast manner.

“Imma head to the bathroom.” You mumbled so quietly you feared nobody would have heard you, before walking away. You didn’t see how Noah looked after you with a confused facial expression.

You slammed the door shut behind you and stared at your reflection in the fancy bathroom mirror. Your eyes were watery and you hated yourself for that. Especially Noah’s sentence echoed in your head and you hated that you had a weak spot for him. You hated that you got along with him too well for your liking. When the band hired you as an assistant for Matt about a year ago, you hadn’t planned that all of this would happen. You thought you were there for only one tour and now you were already on your third with the band. To your astonishment, you got along wonderfully with everyone, but you and Noah had a special bond. You didn’t know what it was exactly but somehow you repeatedly found yourself in deep conversations about literally everything with him. It took you well over six months to realize that you didn’t just simply like him as a friend, but you were starting to fall for him.

Right now, you hated yourself that you never got brave enough to admit it to him. You always acted like nothing had changed and you felt embarrassed about the fact that a small sentence like that could throw you off so bad when you didn’t have the right to act like that about it.

A couple of minutes passed before you had enough courage to head back to the boys. So, you took a deep breath and wiped away the single tear that had managed to escape, before stepping out of the bathroom again. Gladly, you didn’t have to justify your sudden move as Matt approached the group at the same time as you to hand you the keys.

“Finally, I thought we needed to sleep in the lobby.” You managed to say with a lopsided smile while Matt handed you your key.

While your group headed in the elevator, you took up a small conversation with Matt about things that had happened at tonight’s show, before he headed out together with the others. The only two left in the elevator being, of course, you and Noah.

“Looks like we’re neighbors tonight.” He answered you with a sweet smile after looking at your key for a second.

“Cool.” You tried to exclaim as friendly as possible and cringed for your second. Even the most unempathetic person on this planet would have realized that something was going on with you, but you were glad Noah decided to not talk about it as you walked to your rooms.

A couple of hours later, you were finished with your evening and ready to go to sleep but before you could slip under the blankets, you heard a slight knock on your door. For a second, you considered to just ignore it but when it knocked again, you sighed and opened the door just enough to look who was disturbing your peace at these ungodly times.

You were greeted by Noah with a worried expression on his face. For a second, you just looked at him confused, but he was fast to explain, while you opened the door a little more.

“Tell me what I did. You’ve been ignoring literally all my texts for more than three hours at this point.” He exclaimed and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Of course, he was right about his statement. You had seen his texts. Normally, you’d test about the concert or some random stuff until you were both to sleepy to respond, but you had decided you couldn’t deal with him this evening. Not after you got so emotional because of a stupid sentence.

“I have no idea what you are talking about.” You lied and mirrored his gesture.

He lifted his eyebrow, and you already know he wouldn’t let you out of that conversation until you gave him the answers he wanted. “Gaslight someone else, sweetheart.” He grumbled.

You sighed and looked at your hands. “It’s nothing, Noah.”

“Oh, come on. You know nothing you is unimportant.” He encouraged you.

It felt stupid. Stupid how easy it was to open up to him, but you knew you couldn’t just tell him what’s been on your mind, so you simply shook your head. You were about to close the door, when he reached into the doorframe and pressed himself in your room while you protested.

“Y/n. Seriously, what’s going on?” He muttered in a soft tone while sitting down on your bed. He patted the place next to him. When you sat down, he turned to fully face you and touched your shoulder. “Please talk to me.”

“I really can’t, Noah.” You whispered. “It’s so fucking stupid.”

You felt so dumb, you wanted to slap yourself. You didn’t want this to go bad. You hated your feelings for choosing him. For opening up to him. For becoming so close with him. You remembered how you had joked with Matt about how everyone would eventually fall for THE lead singer and how you said Noah is just a really good friend and now look at you. Unable to even look him straight in the face.

“Did I say something?” Noah wanted to know, and you briefly looked at him. You couldn’t hold his gaze any longer in fear you would crack. You looked at his shirt to calm your thoughts but that was when you noticed his neckline and your thoughts instantly began to wander.

“You never not tell me anything.” Noah urged.

“Why are you so desperate?” You asked him in slight annoyance and swept his hand of your shoulder.

He blinked surprised for a couple of seconds before answering you. “Because you can’t even look at me and I don’t like that.”

Your heart jumped with happiness when you heard that confession, even if it was innocent.

“That’s not true.” – “Then look at me.”

You sighed before forcing your eyes onto his for a second just to look away again.

“See?” He mumbled, defeated. “I’m sorry if I said something that upset you. I didn’t mean it.”

“So, you didn’t mean you liked girls with experience better than others?” You spat out before you could even think about it more and instantly regretted it.

Noah opened and closed his mouth in confusion. He knew about your previous experiences or lack of experience.

“See that’s exactly why I didn’t want to tell you. It is dumb.” You tried to brush off what had just happened, but Noah shook his head.

“No, no, no. It’s not dumb. I didn’t mean it like that, I-…” He began to explain but you just sighed and rolled your eyes.

“Just stop, Noah.” You mumbled and laid down on your bed. “We should get some sleep. Tomorrow is another stressful day.”

“N-no… I really didn’t mean it like that. I wasn’t even paying attention to Folio. I-… I don’t care about experience, Y/N. I consider myself lucky if anyone gets close to me at the moment. I’m a stressed mess, you know.” Noah rambled out and you noticed that he was nervous. You couldn’t really think about why.

“Oh c’mon. Everyone would consider themselves lucky to sleep with you, Noah. And you fucking know that.” You joked halfheartedly, but then a smile crept onto his face.

“You too?” He asked with a broad smirk on his face.

“Huh?” You huffed as your eyes grew wide.

“I mean… I know you are worried about not having too much experience… I just-…” He swallowed hard. “I could… help with that.”

“You wanna have sex with me?” You bluntly asked your friend and felt your heart almost exploding in your chest.

“I-… You know, we-… I-…” He began to stutter for a second but then he saw how nervous you looked and stopped in his tracks. “So, you wanna have sex with me.”

You felt your cheeks heat up and you swallowed hard. “Uh… I…”

“Forget it, you don’t have to answer th-…” – “Actually, I do.”

Your voice was not more than a whisper while your thoughts were racing. You just blankly confessed that to him, because you were tired. Tired of holding back.

“You are joking, right?” Noah mumbled; his mouth slightly open.

“Oh, come on. As if this comes as a surprise. There are literally people writing fanfiction about you.” You said and ran a hand through your hair in frustration.

“And you know that why?” He exclaimed and smiled lopsidedly.

Your eyebrows rose for a second when you realized what you had said.

When you didn’t answer, he spoke again. “So, you wanna have sex with me?”

“Trust me, with each word coming out of your mouth, the urge is getting less and less.” You answered him and rolled your eyes. His smile faded slightly, and he looked you deep in the eyes.

“Would you feel better if I told you I’ve thought about it, too?” He exclaimed and the tone of his voice shot straight to your core. This didn’t feel real.

“Yeah… Yeah that would help.” You mumbled and swallowed hard, not knowing how to proceed.

A second later, Noah was hovering over your, his face only a couple of inches away from you and you felt how the atmosphere in the room changed.

“You really wanna do this?” He asked you as your hands travelled to the hem of your shirt. You nodded.

“Tell me, you want this.” He almost pleaded with you.

“I want you to fuck me, Noah. For god sake, should I write it down for you?” You whisper-shouted against his lips and with that he giggled quietly before kissing your lips with such force that you realized he wasn’t joking. You grabbed his face and pulled him even closer to you. It felt like you two grasped onto everything. It felt like you were each other’s last meal. Like you were starved for so long, you couldn’t control it anymore.

You wrapped your legs around his waist and pulled him down towards your core that was only clothed in your underwear, and you could feel how hard he was. You couldn’t help but grind against him. He slightly moaned into your mouth as your tongues danced with each other and you moved your hips again.

“Stop that.” He suddenly groaned against your mouth, and you began to grin. “What if I don’t?”

“Then I’m not going to go easy on you, sweetheart.” He warned you. It didn’t take a second for you to grind against him one more time, while smiling proudly about what a hard time he had with you.

“You’re going to regret that.” He mumbled and grabbed your hips with his hand firmly. This alone almost made you cum. It felt like something in him snapped. His pupils were blown wide with lust and then he was underdressing you. It was like he was ripping you out of your clothes.

When he reached your underwear, he stopped for a second and looked at you for reassurance. It was the last chance for you to tell him, but you didn’t want that. You didn’t want him to stop.

“I trust you.” You breathed out and bucked your hips for a second.

“You don’t even know how long I’ve been waiting for his, Y/n.” He answered you as he slowly slipped down your underwear. He didn’t waste any time after that and only a few kisses later to your stomach, you felt how his tongue moved through your folds. A soft moan escaped your mouth and you arched your hips to possibly get any closer to him.

Your hands found their way in your hair. It wasn’t the first time someone went down on you, but never before had it felt so intense to you.

He pinned your hips down to the bed with one arm and his tongue was devouring you like it was the last thing he would do. The sounds you were making only made him go harder. Then you felt how he added a finger inside of you, quickly followed by another.

“Oh my-… Fuck, Noah.” You gasped and you felt the vibrations of his laugh against your core. You felt a knot building inside of you and you tried to concentrate on anything that would help you not to come instantly.

“I can feel that you’re close.” He mumbled against you and flicked his tongue over your clit while his fingers pumped in and out of you.

You nodded, unable to form clear words without moaning them.

“I know, you can go longer than that, Y/n.” He hummed against you, and you felt like you were going insane.

“God, please.” You cried out, fearing you couldn’t hold it any longer.

His mouth and fingers felt so good, you were sure you couldn’t help yourself much longer. You felt your orgasm built up and then-… He stopped. He pulled away from you, his fingers out of your pussy and you whined at the loss of contact.

He grabbed your face with the hand that had been inside of you just seconds before and looked you in the eyes. “When you come tonight, it’s gonna be on my cock.”

“You know, it’s kind of unfair that I’m laying here completely naked while you’re fully clothed.” You breathed out with a small smile on your face.

“Oh, yeah?” He laughed against your lips before climbing of the bed to get out of his clothes. His eyes never left yours and yours never left his.

He was in nothing but his underwear, his cock hard underneath them and you bit your lip as his hands hooked under the waistband and he slowly slit them off. Your eyes slowly widened at the sight of his member, and you suddenly realized that all of this was real. He looked so perfect. All of him.

“You still okay?” He asked as he crawled back to you.

“Yes.” You breathed out when he was on top of you again. He leaned down to kiss you. You could feel him against your core, his cock moving between your folds as if he belonged there.

“Noah, please.” You moaned out and let your hands roam over his back.

“Yes?” He teased you and rocked his hips once more.

“Don’t be such a tease.” You whined and dragged your fingernails over his back. He let out a soft moan.

“Tell me what you want, Y/n.” Noah exclaimed, and you whined, before rolling your eyes.

“Do that again and I’ll make you regret it.” He breathed out.

“Oh, I’m so scared.” You answered him in a mocking tone and he instantly gave his words truth.

For the second time something snapped inside of him. You let out a small yelp as he flipped you over in a swift motion, your chest hitting the mattress. He grabbed your hips with such force, you were sure he would leave bruises.

“You still wanna continue to be a brat?” He asked you in an almost dangerous tone and you shook your head.

“Fuck, you’re dripping.” He almost moaned and you felt this cock against your ass. He positioned himself behind you, his tip teasing your entrance. His hands wandered over your hips softly and you felt a kiss against your neck. “We can stop anytime.”

“Please, don’t stop.” You breathed out. After that he slowly slid into you, your mouth open in a silent moan as he bottomed out.

“Is that alright?” He asked with a soft tone as you tried to get used to the feeling of him inside of you.

“Yes, everything is perfect.” You moaned out.

When he started to move, you thought you were going to die. In a good way. In a way that made you decide right there and then that when your time has come, this was how you wanted it to end.

“Oh, my f-… Noah.” You whispered out and gripped the sheets beneath you.

His right hand slowly reached to the front of your body and found your clit. He swiftly circled it while rocking into you.

His head was buried in your neck and the room was filled with moans and pants and curse words that were almost illegal to speak out.

“Shit, Y/N.” He whined into your neck. “You feel so good.” His thrust became faster and you were almost certain the bed was going to break if he kept that pace. But you were too far gone to care. You felt that knot in your stomach again and you knew this time you couldn’t contain yourself.

“Come on. Come for me, sweetheart.” He whispered against the back of your head, and you screamed. You screamed load enough that you were sure Jolly in the room underneath to you would hear.

He fucked you through it, his pace only slowing down moments later, right before he pulled out and you felt hot liquid painting your back.

You let yourself fall onto the pillow and he soon collapsed next to you. You turned to face him and could help but smile at him. He reached out to brush a strand of hair out of your face. “Are you okay?”

“Yeah, but I’m in desperate need of a shower and I don’t even wanna talk about the lack of sleep we’ll have tomorrow.” You answered him and giggle for a second that caused him to smile.

“It was worth it.” He mumbled before leaning in again.

“Yes… yes it was.” Your lips met in a soft kiss and for a second everything inside of you began to tingle. You knew this was a new chapter for the both of you and that this was only the beginning.

“Let’s shower.” He mumbled before getting up and reaching out to help you up. He slung his arms around you for a second. “Maybe you can tell me about those fanfictions while showering.”

Your eyes widened for a second, before you made your way to the bathroom, followed by a laughing Noah.

“I’ll keep that to myself.” You answered him, before closing the bathroom door behind the two of you.

dividers by @saradika-graphics

[thechosenthree]

I’ve been thinking so much lately about how even though Kendra is barely mentioned after her death, she is haunting the narrative for the rest of the show.

Every time Faith is on screen or mentioned, Kendra’s ghost is right there with her. The fact that if Kendra’s hadn’t died, Faith wouldn’t be a slayer, means Kendra is never really forgotten. Faith is a living reminder of Kendra’s tragedy.

And Buffy continues to use Mr. Pointy!! In a way it makes sense to me that Buffy wouldn’t want to bring her up with other people? (I obviously understand the actual reasons but I’ve been trying to make it make sense in universe.) After all nobody else in Sunnydale knew her like Buffy did. They were freaks together!! And then Buffy was alone again.

Faith shows up and Buffy’s got someone who understands!! But it’s not the first time she’s had that, and I keep thinking of how in early s3, Faith must be a constant reminder for Buffy of the friend she lost.

And I can’t imagine Buffy bringing Kendra up to Faith? How would she go about that without it being this weird thing of having to acknowledge Faith replaced Kendra? That Buffy and Faith wouldn’t even know each other if Kendra hadn’t died?

So instead Buffy mourns Kendra alone. And keeps her stake with her, a way of holding onto her long after she’s gone. She brings Kendra with her into battle every time. She’s never really alone. Except that Kendra is dead, and Buffy must feel even more alone than she did before she met her.

And in The Wish Buffy is dressed so similarly to how Kendra was in Becoming when she died!! Wishverse!Buffy is so Kendra AND Faith coded, in different ways. It makes it feel like they’re all three in that episode.

And Wishverse!Buffy died right before Giles smashed the power source. Which means Kendra was called!! For like half a second of course before everything went back to reality. But being that she was raised to be The Slayer, it’s possible Wishverse!Kendra was actually aware she was called? I don’t know exactly how that works. But it’s different than the council needing to go find Buffy and tell her her destiny when she was called.

It’s just!!! They are the chosen three!!

They’re technically never all three on screen together— unless you count one conversation in s3 where Kendra is mentioned in front of them both. But Faith showing up cements Kendra’s place haunting the narrative for the rest of the show. If she’d died and there’d been no other slayer called, she could have faded away…

Faith’s literal existence as a character in the show ensured that she didn’t.

[chanelles-world]

ALL MINEEE

author’s note: it’s been a fat min but here yall go. i hope u enjoy;)

warnings: chris sturniolo x reader | smut @ school | fucking | minors dni or read at ur own expense

"Damn it…chris…we…can't." you managed to gasp out. But you couldn't stop him if you wanted to. As much as your mind was screaming no, your body kept responding to his advances with a mind blowing yes.

"And why not?" he whispered seductively into your ear, his fingers pulling your thigh length skirt up and around your waist.

"Because we're at school." you moaned feeling his fingers now tracing down between your legs and to the apex of your core, causing you to groan when his finger tips brushed against your clit. "We…might get…caught."

"That just makes it more exciting." he responded back to you while quickly hooking the offending garment and quickly and pulling it down your legs. Again you kept wanting to deny him the satisfaction, but you couldn't even if u tried.

Every attempt to avoid Chris sturniolo ended up the same, with him wanting you and you wanting him. you were the school nerd, but still sought after by half of the male school population for the beauty you held. "Besides, I know how much you love me teasing you."

"Damn you." you groaned feeling two of his long fingers press and enter between your wet folds. Gasping you kept your hands pressed against the bricks of the school wall letting your body finally take over despite your emotional state.

You wanted, no, needed to have him here and now. But you were supposed to be the pure one. The school virgin that was beyond touchable. How you had managed to keep up that façade for the last year and a half, you had no clue.

Chris had marked his territory, even if you guys weren't dating. In fact you denied every date offer he threw at you. The lacrosse star and nerd had no reason to be together, but you couldn't stay away or avoid him if you tried.

"You can't deny you're loving this y/n." he chuckled almost sadistically, his fingers now thrusting deeper and harder. You knew there was no way of denying it. Your body had always naturally reacted to his touch and caresses regardless of where he had you at. "Judging by how wet you are already, I can tell you are."

"Fuck you." You gasped out feeling your inner muscles clamping down on his fingers. "Damn it…" you muttered. It was a sign that you was about to climax. And that you didn't want to do already as you knew it wouldn't be complete without coming together with him.

"Is that what you want y/n?"

"Damn it Chris.. if you don't get inside me right now, you'll…OH SHIT!" You about screamed out feeling when his full length slammed fully into you. "Oh god fuck me chris !"

"As you wish my princess." he confidently responded. He knew there wasn't much time to waste but pleasuring his girl was foremost. With long, hard, powerful thrusts he filled your wet cavern with his lust and love. You would never admit back to him that you felt the same way. He had an inkling that you did but never forced it out. He was more than happy with the way things were now.

You could only gasp and moan feeling as he filled you with his length, the tip of his dick bumping against your uterus while his balls slapped against your clit, heightening the sensations that were traveling through your body. "Damn it chris faster…fuck me like you mean it already!"

"Damn I love it when you talk dirty." he whispered seductively into your ear. There was no way he could deny his princess of an order like that and began slamming faster into her wetness. "It really turns me on hearing you say that."

Don't talk, just…oh god…so good"

"Only the best for you y/n." he panted out, his breathing getting heavier against your ear.

"Pro…tec…tion…" you then managed to get out, but it fell on deaf ears as he continued to pleasure you. There was no comparison to the other girls Chris had been with. You was the best hands down. There was nobody else that Chris wanted other than you. "Oh shit chris.. i’m bout…to cum!"

"Cum with me y/n." he grunted back in response. Feeling your pussy clamping down tight with each inward thrust, he knew it wasn't going to be long.

"FUCK CHRIS!" you hissed out when you came. Not able to hold back any longer himself chris came with you, his cum racing up into your body with such power that you almost screamed in ecstasy, but held back your passionate outburst so that they wouldn't be caught or seen, let alone heard. "My gosh chris…”

author’s note: i hope you enjoyed this… lmk inna comments if we want more n if u wanna be on my tag list i’m creating! thanks for the support baes.

tags: @mattslolita

[ysrjune]

Reader crying her eyes out and Sam comforts her on his lap but gets hard ?? 🧐

Maybe it was just a stupid little comment someone made to her, which lowered her self confidence but then Sam teases her by saying something about how she was literally just crying and he got hard

Sams’ arms draped over your waist as he stared into space while you cried on his shoulder, sitting on his lap. Occasionally, one of his hands would glide up your back to rub it in hopes of calming you down. You’d been crying because someone made a comment about the way you talk and how it’s kinda obnoxious how you could laugh at almost anything if it even sounds funny. Being confronted with this embarrassed you, and it left you wondering if anyone ever thought of you as just annoying.

“maybe I should just leave them alone and never go outside again.” you dramatically sniffle against his shoulder, making him roll his eyes. “Kay, one.. they’ve always been jerks to you, and you never leave them. always comin’ to me cryin’ about stuff they say to you..” Sam says, starting to feel a little mad at how mean your ‘friends’ are to you.

“two, you wouldn’t last a day without goin’ outside.” he smiles to himself, patting your lower back. “they don’t deserve you, n/n.” hearing him say these things makes you giggle a little bit. “thanks, sam.. but I still feel annoying. Like, do I seriously bother people that much?” you continued to cry on his shoulder.

hearing your sniffing and whiny voice caused a spark in him. he was definitely not proud of this, but hearing you so upset and whiny turned him on. his cock was now semi-hard under you, and he was hoping you wouldn’t notice. “no, those guys are just assholes, baby, come on.” he replies, bringing your chest closer to him so it was a proper hug. hearing him call you baby was comforting, but a little weird since you've never heard him say anything like that.

“I dunno, sam.” you reply, making eye contact, uour own eyes teary. “I think I should just stay away from them for a little while.” Sam nodded, holding eye contact. but his cock was now fully hard. the way your eyes glistened was just so cute, he couldn't help it. his hands glide down from the back of your shoulders, down your sides, leaving his hands on your ass. “what are you doing?” you asked. to be honest, its not like you minded, but you were curious.

“would you be freaked out if I told you I got hard over you crying.” he smirks, feeling you up. you were surprised at what he said, you barley believed it. he was hard and you didnt notice? even though you were sitting on him? “I-I don’t think so.. no. maybe a little concerned.” that made Sam chuckle. “yeah, well seein’ your pretty eyes and hearing your voice get all whiny did it for me. fuck, you're just so pretty no matter what, babe.”

his eyes shifted from yours down to your lips, then quickly connected them. his lips were soft and had a hint taste of coca-cola. latley, he's been obsessed over flavored chapstick. not just the basic flavors like cherry or orange, but the ones that taste like soda and candy. coca-cola fit him. he softly bit down on your bottom lip and let out a low moan.

“so. fucken. pretty.” he mumbled against you. “you taste good.” making you blush. “yeah? so do you. all I can take in is coke.” you said and went in for another kiss, this time making it more passionate and somewhat dirty. your hand slid up his shirt, feeling up his chest while his hands hooked at the waist band of your shorts, revealing your hips and the sides of your panties. “you wanna fuck me?” he asks, barley above a whisper. you felt yourself throb at his question.

“y’wanna fuck your ex-boyfriends best friend?” he reminds you of Tate, your horrible ex boyfriend. “you wouldn't tell anyone, would you?” you ask softly. sam frowns against you, rubbing your side. “nah, nobody needs to know our business. I also don’t need Tate coming up to me at school with the whole soccer team.” he chuckled at what he said. “he sucks at the sport anyway, I don't know why they don't kick him out.”

“you're mean.” you laugh, taking his shirt off. “and horny,” he adds, cringing at himself a little but atleast he said what was true. “and I know you are too. so, you gonna let me make you feel good, or what?”

how could you pass on an opportunity like that..

｡ﾟ•┈꒰ა ♡ ໒꒱┈• ｡ﾟ

tag list ✦ @anakinstwinklebunny @heartsforanakin @anisangeldust @sockiess @erosmutt @rottencandyblood @radiantvader @catnipaddictt

[theysaidhush]

Dear Christopher,

-> Pairing: Ex!Bang Chan x Reader

-> You write a letter to Chan one year after he breaks up with you, asking questions you wish you had answers to before he left.

-> heavy angst, bit of smut

I thought love was everything I needed. You said it was everything we needed. I believed it. Truly did. Because even if everyone likes you, even if I am everyone, everyone is not me. They don't get to see you when waking up, they don't get to touch your face like I wish I did, don't get to hold your hand or look into your eyes when we were dinning - that, I wish I did too. I'm just realizing that I might as well be just everyone, don't you think so too?

"I will love you, to the moon and back."

Was your trip to the moon too short that it did not last long? Was trying to reach out for the stars too tiring? It wasn't even what I asked for...

I met you on a sunny day, remember? I bet you do, because as much as I want you not to, so I can blame you, I know you do. You're just like that, so perfect that it's actually hard for me to write this letter. I want to point at your flaws and scream and screech at that blank, virgin piece of paper. But I can't. It holds too much meaning to me. I still have it. Why do I still have it? Ah, seriously...

So yeah, we met on a sunny day. I think it was holidays? At least for you. Those are rare aren't they? You were nobody, walking down the street. No holy glow, no charming or alluring walk. Just you, your cap and your way too baggy black clothes. I wasn't sucked it, did not look twice at that strange man covered like a person would if walking in Netherlands. And you came to me and told me a weird pick up line with that accent of yours that made me think about what you said twice just because I couldn't comprehend it. I wouldn't have answered if it wasn't for your giggle. You were giggling. Giggling for God's sake. What man giggles in 2022? But you sucked me in, just like that. With those charming dimples. Suddenly, the ocean wasn't enough to quench my thirst, no weight was heavy enough to hold me down and no colors was enough to paint you and picture you just like you were that day. It was so overwhelming I wish I hadn't met you, that day. I was a blushing mess (I still am when recalling that scene), my hands were sweaty and I was feeling dizzy. How dare you sounding so pretty? Because yeah, you made me realize that a sound could be pretty too. I fell in love for the first time in my life. I fell when I met you.

We met later. You were late. I did not think much about it. I am not one to care for those kind of things. Still am. How could I known it was a telltale sign? How would I known? You asked me questions about myself. You were the first to actually make me feel like an interesting person. Is it fool? I don't know. But I loved telling you about my life. You always hear, you always listen. I love that about you. I could have told you about how I saw an ant carrying another ant, how funny I thought it was, and you could have laughed like you were here to witness it, like it was actually funny. I could have told you about this really sad movie that I watched a few days prior and you could have scrunched your face and furrow your eyebrows as if you were trying not to cry. I could have told you about that stain on my table that I just can't clean and your fingers would have itched to do it for me. I fell in love a second time. I fell when I got to know you.

And then you left. I appreciated spending time with you. I appreciated the way you asked me if you could hold my hand. Just by that I could tell that your mother was a lovely and respectable person. I appreciated the way you were always trying to find something to do. I did not care about that suffocating thing covering half your face.

"I wanna see you do plenty of things so that I can know what you like and what you doesn't. I wanna get to know you when you are surprised, sad, happy, delighted. I wanna fell in love with every facet of your personality." you said. Was what you found not attractive enough? Was it not enough to keep you entertained, Chan?

Then you told me you had to leave. I hoped it wasn't just a summer fling. But you asked for my number, and we talked even after you left. Even in my sleep I was thrilled about waking up and reading your text in the morning, can you believe that? Who gave you the right to take my heart hostage and to care for it? Your texts were sweet, your voice in our weekly phone calls sweeter. And those pictures of landscapes even more. Got me thinking about how I wanted to be by your side. How I wanted to watch this sunset with you, how I wanted to hold your hand and kiss you until I can't breathe.

We never kissed. I regret that. I despise that. But maybe it is because we weren't meant to. And yet, in the darkest of night I was thinking about how I wanted to be next to you. How I wanted some warmth, some love. How I wanted to trace your body with my tongue. How I wanted to hold your hands while I'm making love to you. For the first time in my life I was horny. I wanted you to fill me up, to caress and to touch. I wanted to feel your fingertips on my body, to feel you fingers in my private part, to hear your whispers in my ears as you are delicately rocking my body. For the first time in my life I was a stranger in my own body. Touching and trying to please myself just like you would do if you were there. How funny, I'm sounding like a perv.

But you slowly started to disappear. Photos getting blurry. Texts getting shorter. Phone calls getting rare. Affection being yearned for.

And then you told me that you could no longer be with me. And that's when I fell in love for the third time. I fell because I realized how our one year relationship meant to me. You took everything with you. After that, the sun rays were burning flames, the smell of coffee was suffocating, the laughs of people was defeating, my thoughts were deadly.

You got me thinking about me. About I could would have be if I never met you. A happier version of myself. Confident and proud. But instead, you got me thinking about what was wrong about me. Was I not enough? Were my quirks and habits too weird? Was my voice and my laugh repulsing? Was my body disgusting? You got me dreading looking at my reflection, you got me dreading meeting new people. What if they didn't like me? What if I was not interesting enough? What if I was too loud? too obnoxious? too silent? too shy? too quiet? to weird? too ugly? too clingy? too distant? too mean? too nice? What if I was me? What if they didn't like me?

And I hate myself for saying this, because this is not all your fault. I was insecure before meeting you. But you gave me a taste of self-confidence, and it was like drug, addicting. But it was a you thing. The way you made me feel like we were on top of the world. You took it with you. I don't know how to go back to my old self.

I hope that one day I will heal feel again. But for the moment I will try.

It's been a year now. I still love you. I'll never love someone like I loved you. But you'll never love me like you love music. And I respect that. I only found out a few months after our break up that you were a world wide star. Mask and cap be damned, your voice is one that I can't forget. I think I understand now. Why you left. And again, I respect that.

I love you. We could have talked about it

I love you. If only you had told me

I love you. I'm sorry you didn't feel loved enough to tell me about your job

I love you, I wish you just told me why you left

I'm sorry. I should have try harder.

But maybe I was just that. Maybe I was just everybody. I'll try to forget because I genuinely wants to see you happy. Maybe one day I'll thank you for helping me growing up as a person. Maybe one day I'll tell about my first love to my friends. Maybe one day I'll write you another letter and write:

"And one day, your name didn't make me smile anymore."

To Bang Christopher Chan

From A Baby-Stray Stay

[lol-jackles]

Walker review, episode 7 "Hold me now"

It's a beautiful golden morning and Cordell prepares to fix breakfast of egg and bacon for August but he's already half-way out the door. Come on Auggie, it's bacon, everybody loves bacon! Cordell puts away the egg and bacon and opt for cereal while he reads James' book on a serial killer. Cereal, serial, get it? I slay me.

Little did August know that morning would be the last time his dad would be there for him, and he'd going to wish he had stayed for breakfast.

At Ranger HQ, Cordell is leading the team search for the serial killer called the jackal who was previously dormant but now back and have killed 2 people. Cordell's first choice of suspect, a wife abuser, turned up to be a dead end but that doesn't slow him down. The following day he picks another suspect from the bottom of the least suspicious list, a former zoo keeper whose zoo was the closest site of the first victim. Nobody is on board with Cordell's theory so he's like, no problem, I'll check the defunct zoo myself. Cassie refuse to let Cordell go alone and Luna invites himself along.

The trio arrives at the creepy abandoned zoo and only the audience see the decayed corpse of an animal, a jackal with missing teeth, which is the killer's calling card. Luna and Cassie find a disturbing underground room filled with tools of the killer's trade. Cordell finds fresh tracks and chases a distant figure, who escapes after he ambushes Cordell and knocks him out. Though the killer remains free, the rangers are closer than they've ever been in years and his lair will provide much needed data for a profile.

Cordell is upset that he was so close to catching the killer and is more determined than ever to finish the job. He returns home to find Liam upset that history is repeating itself, Cordell is neglecting his family and Liam is picking up the slack. Cordell says he will make it up to his children and tells Liam to stop being so dramatic. (At this point I', convinced Ben is running the horse rescue.)

Both men are correct and there's no easy answer. A serial killer is on the loose and catching it is not a 9 to 5 job. There's an expectation that public service jobs mean some family times has to be scarified. I know a family that has 3 generations of firefighters, they never spent a single Thanksgiving and Christmas together as a family because the men are too busy putting out kitchen fires and/or fireplace fires caused by idiots. Mothers Day is the only holiday that most criminals take a break from their usual criminal activities.

Cordell goes to his study room filled with research on the jackal and it is revealed that he stole evidence from the killer's lair, a length of rope. Cordell tightly wraps the rope around his wrist as if he's trying to get into the mind of the killer and looking through his eyes. In an earlier scene, Cassie said zoo keeping isn't that much different from ranching and pointedly looks at Cordell.

Sidenote, Luna and Cassie finds the killer's note written in capitalized letters, which is the same style Luna wrote in his love note to Cassie. I really hope this is a red herring for Cassie's sake, her two previous dates literally tried to kill Cordell: for a cause and for revenge, respectively. Cassie doesn't need the third romance to turn out to be another psycho and also I need the three of them to go undercover at a Shadow Hawk convention.

Speculation #4: the Jackal is a member of the survivor network and encouraged people like Henry to blame innocent people. He knew Luna was undercover at the motel and learned his handwriting style to feed false leads to the survivor network.

Score: 9.7 out of 10.  We get to see why Cordell is the best ranger as the stakes are deepening. A point 2 deduction for the stalled necklace mystery, another point 2 deduction for Bonham and Abeline subplot about derailed retirement plans. Point 1 given back for August maturing and being a good kid.

[skyphloxx]

ok so um. here is a scenario ive had in the drafts for literally over a month and forgot to post. maybe with a second part idk?

i've been thinking way too damn much about clegan and johns dog coded ass and his feelings around body markings. like, hickeys and bites and bruises etc. bear with me this post got really long lmfao.

fuckin. ok. so in a scenario where john and gale are fucking on the side pretty early on after their arrival at thorpe abbots.

everyone knows bucky is a slut, right? bucky can show up with hickeys and bites and red marks and nobody will question it. he might get jeers or crooked grins, they’ll laugh and say he must’ve slept with every girl at thorpe abbotts and half the women in london by now, but it’s expected.

buck, though? everyone knows buck’s got a girl. and maybe he wouldn’t be the first guy to say as much and then fold after months of being away from home. but everybody who knows him knows that buck cleven isn’t like that. and anyway, it would be a little odd considering how consistently he turns down any woman who makes a pass.

you see where i'm going here right.

gale can bite the fuck out of john and leave him with bruises purpling from his neck all the way down to his thighs. when they’re alone together it’s the only time he gets to loosen that iron grip he has on himself, be anything less than carefully composed and controlled. outside gale is the fearless leader, who will sometimes joke and rib but has no vices, no faults. with john he is a hungry, wanting thing, all hands and mouth and teeth.

bucky loves it at first. being desired so much kinda drives him wild, knowing that gale wants him so bad, that there’s so much heat simmering under that cool surface. but there’s also something about the act of leaving marks on him that feels like gale’s staking a claim. that bucky allowing himself to be bitten is showing allegiance, or acquiescence, or maybe ownership. something of gale is left there, written across his skin, even if nobody else knows it. the marks say that gale can do what he wants with john’s body, that john is his. he’s painted his name across john’s neck and chest.

bucky doesn’t object to this feeling. like, at all. on its own, that part is amazing. the problem is he can’t do it back to gale. buck is so paranoid about being found out, and the communal living of the barracks adds extra complications. and john understands his fears, of course he does, he knows damn well what happens to men who get a blue discharge, and he’ll respect anything that’ll help buck feel safer about what they’ve been doing. he’s pretty sure he’d do anything to keep buck coming back, he needs him that badly.

he fucking hates that he has to be so careful. he wants nothing more than to give it right back to buck, to bite the same kind of lurid purple bruises across his skin. he thinks all too often of how buck would react, his shiver at the scrape of john's teeth on sensitive skin and the low breathy noises he'd make. hates that he can't have that. but mostly he hates how he can't stake any claim over gale he way he feels that gale has over him. if buck can do what he wants with john's body, if his bites mean that john is his, then the inverse must also be true: bucky can't do the same, and gale is not his. he has no claim to stake.

which makes sense, really. as far as claims go, someone's already beat him to gale. that's the whole reason the no-markings rule was established.*

it ends up serving as a little reminder to bucky: that the arrangement he and gale have worked out to keep each other sane during all this? it's temporary. when the war ends buck will be going back to build a home and share a bed with someone, and that someone won't be john. he can't forget that however much gale seems to want him in the moment, he's committed elsewhere. john is a way for him to distract himself from everything else going on around them. he thinks sometimes gale does it as much to distract john as himself. taking pity on him or something. he knows buck still loves marge more than anything. he uses her letters like a lifeline, sniffs her perfume off the paper like it might send him back to her if he works hard enough at it.

someone with a better sense of self-preservation than bucky might try to break it off, disengage, try to soften the blow when it inevitably comes, but.

the marks also remind him that he is gale's. has been. is. will be. for as long as gale will have him. bucky needs him in a way that he doesn't bother to deny to himself anymore. his chest feels heavy with it when they’re together. he knows they're on borrowed time, but that just means john's going to borrow as much of it as he can. avoiding leaving bruises or not using his teeth is nothing, really, he would do so much less (or so much more) if gale asked him, any number of humiliating, desperate things to keep gale wanting to touch him, fuck him. it's fucking pathetic, how much he needs that. john's own stupid hurt feelings are nothing, compared to how much he'd endure for it.

so of course he never brings this whole dilemma up to buck as something that bothers him. he would not dare risk throwing a wrench in their arrangement, which is perfectly functional as it is. they've made it this far via mostly unspoken agreements, mutual willingness to not talk about it more than they need to. john will not even entertain the possibility of breaking that or scaring gale off or somehow ruining what they have. he is already so well versed at suffering in silence, and really this trade off isn't bad. he used to fucking dream of this, the taste of gale's mouth or the feel of their skin pressed together. he can stand being reminded it's temporary. he can stand knowing he's pathetic.

(bucky is a lying liar to himself. he is full of resentment and frustration. he will pretend he's not full of resentment about this for as long as it's physically possible to. gale knows something is up with him but won't say anything too specific about it for the same reason john won't - they don't talk about it if they can avoid it. that's the whole point of unspoken agreements.)

*bucky has not considered that gale would be similarly paranoid even if he was not openly in a relationship and loyal to it (loyal in heavy air quotes lmfao) if not even worse, just because gale cleven is a high-strung freak underneath all the calm collected shit.

[jpitha]

Between the Black and Grey 42

First / Previous / Next

Before anyone could say anything else, there was a blinding flash of white light. The Dreadnought appeared directly in front of them, impeding their progress. Stormy fired the thrusters and tried to duck underneath.

"Get back into your seats! I'm going to link away again." Northern and Zhe dove towards their seats and bucked back up, but before Stormy could link, there was a clatter and a shudder throughout the ship. New alarms sounded throughout the ship, a kind of wailing trilling noise. It was incredibly loud.

"What's that Stormy?" Zhe clapped her hands over her large ears. "Can you turn it down any?"

"It's... It's a grapple. We've been grappled!" Stormy's rage permeated her voice. "Those were banned centuries ago! I can't believe they used a grapple on us."

"Can we do anything?" Fen asked. She looked down at her screen. There were new spots of orange on the readout where the grapple was damaging the hull.

"Our options at this point are to allow us to be taken aboard, or blow the reactor." Northern shook her head. "They've got us."

"Stormy, might as well disconnect and come up here. I don't want them doing anything to you." Fen closed her pad with a snap. She looked at Zhe and Northern. "Sorry."

Zhe shook her head. "Nothing to be sorry about, Fen. We're in this together."

Northern nodded. "Despite myself, I do find that I like you two. I wouldn't be here if I didn't. It's not your fault Fen."

Fen sighed. "Yeah, but if I wasn't a clone of the first Empress..."

"There's no way these people know that Fen. They're just after their current Empress and probably think we know something about it. I'd say just answer their questions mostly honestly." Northern ticked off points on her long fingers. "We saw her on Picaresque, we went out drinking, we partied with her and her honor guard, and in the morning we left. None off that is a lie."

Stormy walked into the Command Deck and looked around. Finding a seat, she sat down and buckled in. "The four of us is enough to operate a frigate of this size without raising too much suspicion. They shouldn't ask about whether we have an AI pilot."

Zhe's ears flicked in surprise. "Really? Only four people?"

She nodded. "It's just about the bare minimum, but it's possible. It could be explained away that we're a new merc group and haven't taken on more crew yet. These kind of ships are meant to be run lean and mean anyway."

Fen wasn't so sure, but she couldn't do anything else.

They waited.

About 30 minutes later, there was a pounding on the airlock. Fen unbuckled and went to the lock. Peering through the window she saw three armored spacesuits. She toggled the intercom. "Yes?"

"Human Imperial Navy. Open up please. We have some questions for you."

Please? That was interesting. "Why did you grapple me? You could have used your radio."

"The Admiral wishes to speak to you in person."

They did not elaborate further.

The voice of the suited person sighed. "Look. If you just open the doors, it'll go better for you. We won't even restrain you. You just open up, we bring you to the Admiral and then we let you go once she's happy with the answers."

"And if I don't open the lock?"

"Then we force it open, capture you, restrain you-" They hold up some metal zip cuffs. "-and still bring you to the Admiral. Only now, your ship is damaged and you can't leave once she's finished speaking. Your choice."

Fen cut the intercom. "Fuck." she said to nobody, and pressed the purge button. Both airlock door snapped open and there was a puff of air as the pressures equalized. Fen's ears were pained for a moment, but she swallowed and her ears popped.

The guard lifted their helmet. It was two men and a woman who looked so similar they could have been related. The woman smiled. "Thank you, really. My name is Lieutenant Shelly Cooper. What's yours?"

"I'm Captain Fenchurch Whitehorse, but please call me Fen."

"Very well, Fen. Who else is aboard?"

"The rest of my crew. They're on the Command Deck. There are four of us."

That caused Lieutenant Cooper to raise an eyebrow, "Four? That's it?"

Fen smiled awkwardly. "I wasn't able to hire anymore crew than that. Believe me when I say I've been trying." It wasn't a lie, not really. Fen found that there weren't many people who were willing to sign on to an unproven merc company, even if they were a couple years old.

The Lieutenant turned to one of the men behind her. "What did the bioscan say?"

He looked down at a pad strapped to the arm of his suit and tapped at it with a gloved hand. "She's not lying. Ship is empty except for the command deck."

"Curious." Cooper stared hard at Fen. "Have we met? Are you from Sol? You seem familiar to me."

"I don't see how. I grew up in a Gren station, far outside of Colonial space." Again, it wasn't a lie, but it wasn't the whole truth. Of course people in the military would know what the first Empress looked like.

"Hmm. Okay. If your crew agrees to keep the reactor powered down and be powered by an umbilical, they can stay confined to the ship and you accompany us. Deal?"

"Yes, I agree to those terms. Let me go tell my crew."

Lieutenant Cooper nods. "You have three minutes."

Fen hurries back to the command deck. "The Admiral wants to talk to me. They said you can stay here so long as you agree to be powered only by their umbilical."

Zhe stood up and crossed her arms, her tail swishing irritatedly. "It won't matter, because we're coming too."

Northern looked to Zhe and sighed, but only a little. "We can't leave you out to dry, Fen. We'll come along too. How bad can it be? Plus, if we come with you we can't suffer "an unfortunate accident" in the hangar."

Fen exhaled. She hadn't realized she was holding her breath in. "Thanks Northern, Zhe." She turned to Stormy. "You're welcome to come along, but I also know this isn't your thing. We had just hired you after all."

Stormy looked at Northern who shrugged with her eyes. "Up to you."

She runs her hands over her face. "Fuck, me. I swear Northern, you know how to pick them." Stormy stands up and smiles. "I'll come along, what the hell. Sitting on the ship was going to be boring by myself anyway."

The four of them went to the airlock, and Fen went up to Lieutenant Cooper "I spoke to my crew, and they want to accompany me."

Lieutenant Cooper throws up her hands. "Fine, I guess we'll just give you the VIP tour on the way." She gestures out towards the hangar. "Here is the hangar, where we store our smaller ships and boats, as well as the frigate of a merc captain we captured that the admiral wants to speak to and offered to let her crew stay onboard but they want to follow their captain to the ends of the galaxy."

Fen crossed her arms, but said nothing.

"Come on then. We'll find you some more chairs or something." Lieutenant Cooper turned on her heel and walked out of the hangar, without waiting for them to follow. The two guards with her looked at each other and one of them gestured for them to follow.

Not too far from the hangar, Lieutenant Cooper came upon a small conference room. She opened the door and led them inside. As they sat, a steward came by with a small cart of drinks. Fen was offered and accepted a coffee, and they went around offering beverages. Lieutenant Cooper also took a coffee, but everyone else abstained.

Cooper took a sip and looked down at the comm on her wrist. "The Admiral will be here shortly. Please be respectful. She's... lived a long life and doesn't suffer fools. If you want to make it back to your ship, answer her questions quickly and honestly."

Fen wasn't halfway through her coffee with the door chimed. Lieutenant Cooper stood. "This is where I leave you. The guards will wait outside the door and - should you be able - will escort you back to your ship." Her face was odd. She looked worried, and also like she felt bad for them. Just what kind of person was this Admiral?"

The door whooshed open and the Admiral strode in. She was about the same height as Cooper, maybe a few centimeters taller than Fen. Her hair was blond streaked with grey and she wore it clipped very short on the back and sides and a little longer in the front. She wore her hat at an angle that probably was against regulations. Her uniform was immaculate and her chest bulged with medals. She had a hard, but not unattractive face, lined with time. As she entered, she looked down at everyone sitting, and as she passed over them she stopped at Fen, and her breath caught.

"You are dismissed, Lieutenant."

Cooper saluted sharply. "Yes, Admiral."

"Dismiss the guards as well. I will not need them."

"Admiral? With all due respect-"

The Admiral turned to face Cooper and stared at her. Without saying anything at all, Fen could feel her shouting at the Lieutenant. Her gaze was withering. Cooper swallowed and saluted again. "Yes, Admiral."

The door closed behind her and the Admiral's demeanor immediately changed. She shrank down a little, looked older, less hard. She strode around the room and glanced down at the carafe of coffee. She poured herself a cup and sat at the head of the table. While everyone watched, rapt. She took a sip and placed it down on the table without a clink. She looked at Fen.

"You look like her, you know? I can see that you're different. A product of your upbringing. It's your eyes, and the way you carry yourself. I can see so much of her though. It's a little spooky."

Fen blinked. Whatever she expected, it wasn't this. "You know I'm a clone of the first Empress?"

The admiral laughed. Her voice was surprisingly musical. "Fen, I knew Melody. I was friends with her. I... I was on a different ship when she was killed. I became Empress after her."

Stormy gasped. "No. No way. She retired to Venus, and let her daughter reign. She would be over five hundred years old. You're not her."

The admiral smirked. "If you know all that, then you know that the Nanites can extend life. I can't do the Voice anymore, and it's been more than two centuries since I carried a crown and wings, but I am still me.

Northern turned and stared at Stormy. "Who is it, Stormy?"

The admiral spread her hands wide. "I am Empress Helen Raaden, First of Her Name, Ruler of Sol - Retired."

[roboticchibitan]

There's something I think about a lot, which is that my mom deliberately raised me to never be ashamed of who I was. Her parent's didn't do a very good job of that with her. She told me once that she made sure to never insult my looks because her mom made mean comments about hers that stuck with her her entire life. It always felt natural to me that my mom was always on my side and thought I was awesome, but as an adult I know that she must've been deliberate about the way she raised us.

The thing is, I developed really strong body dysmorphia as a teenager and had a lot of self esteem issues related to my weight. Nobody ever called me fat. Not my mom or a bully or anyone. But my mom hated on herself for being fat in front of me all the time. I just picked it up by osmosis because she was my role model.

Now I'm like "I'm fat and butch and hot," but when I initially started gaining weight from taking antipsychotics, I was VERY upset. I suddenly realized, "Oh, I wasn't fat before. But I definitely am now." It felt control over my body was something that my psychosis had taken from me. I was so angry about it.

But all that work my mom put in to make me a confident person helped me in my quest to overcome my internalized fatphobia. I decided I didn't want to diet and try to lose weight until I was happy the way I was, because I was afraid, due to my realization about my earlier body dysmorphia, that I would start dieting and it would never be enough and I would always want to be skinnier and skinnier and would just continue to hate myself no matter how much weight I lost.

It was a long journey from 20 year old me gaining 100lbs to the me now who weighs over 200lbs and loves wearing crop tops and thinks fat butches with salt and pepper hair are the hottest people on the planet. And the way my mom raised me both helped and hurt me in that process. The things she did deliberately helped me.

But watching her hate herself my entire childhood rubbed off on me, and I think it's tragic that she tried so hard but in some ways failed due simply to her own insecurities.

I think it's really important for parents to realize that they can pass their insecurities on to their kids. My mom realized this, to a large degree in the sense of not perpetuating cycles, but she missed the "monkey see monkey do" part of raising kids in relation to her own insecurities.

So if you have kids or might have kids in the future, don't insult yourself in front of them. Kids look up to their parents, especially when they are really young. They learn how to view themselves by watching how their parents view themselves. If you're trying to be deliberate about breaking cycles, don't let this be your blind spot.

[goodluckclove]

I'm having a lot of fun talking with people about why they struggle in their writing, and I figure I'd share a little bit about what would keep me from writing. It's especially relevant given how soon Blind Trust is coming out - and, like I said, if you're willing to be real to me I'll be real right back.

I'll put it under a read more, as I've had the amount of alcohol that it takes me to be extra loose - meaning half of one canned cocktail. And I don't want to freak anyone out who doesn't want to see me feel a little more angsty than I tend to be online. But as I said before, I want to be honest about the craft as much as I urge others to be.

Here we goooo. Say goodbye to proper capitalization babies, Dad's getting funky.

so i started writing when i was twelve years old. i wrote carnation, a 10k word zombie novella about thinly-veiled representations of me and my two best friends at the time fighting zombies. it wasn't very good. i never wrote anything before. i enjoyed it though, so i proceeded to keep writing, near-constantly for the next fifteen years.

here's the thing, though, and it's something i don't see a lot of elder writers talk about. probably because it's not a super pleasant thing to hear, but i'm pretty sure i could pull it off.

uh, my name is clove gardener. i'm twenty-seven years old now. and i do not think i'm that good of a writer.

i don't think i'm bad. i mean, i've been published. i've worked as a copywriter and a ghostwriter. i've written for work for a few years now, so - like - objectively it must be passable. i don't hate my writing. i think it's accessible, which is cool. but if you were to ask me hey do you think you're a good writer? i would skirt around the question without answering directly until i could figure out a way to change the subject.

at this point i don't think that's going to go away. the improvement, though, has been that i barely think about that anymore. it's like there's a little dipshit in the back of my head, and occasionally he will hiss-whisper this is shit what are you doing until I find a way to shut him up.

i kind of feel like that's just the thing that happens when you're a writer. it's the camp i'd rather be in, at least. because the alternative is that i'm a really good writer who might consider themselves capable to claim authority and tell you how to do things i actually know nothing about. i'd rather have doubt. maybe less than what i have now, but still.

writers, i think, overlap with theater kids in the sense of being dramatic little piss babies. i am proud to say that i am significantly less of a piss baby than i potentially could be, especially considering that i'm in writing and theater. but you're bound to be a little dramatic at some point.

i think in the six-ish months since i've started blind trust, i've had maybe two creative existential crises. that's pretty good. that's reasonable. and they were not too unproductive either. i've learned that you can feel whiny and pitying and scared and self-loathing, and still do the thing.

i don't think you should publish your book. cool, ryan (i named my inner dipshit ryan). i'm doing it anyway.

nobody actually wants to pay money for it. yeah, ryan. maybe.

you're a terrible writer. i like it, though. i want to see how it ends. so let's keep going.

if you're wanting to publish/self-publish, and you think you don't have a chance because you aren't a beacon of self-assurance and confidence - guess what, buddy, i don't think many of the greats were. it's almost a stereotype i've seen of famous writers also being angsty weirdos who crumble into despair because the apple they ate was slightly too mealy (this is based on nothing but i can see it happening to kafka). if you think you can't be a writer because you aren't like me - friend, colleague, son, daughter, child, we are both angsty weirdos and that's okay.

last week i sobbed because riley showed me a video where a kiwi bird was sad and we had to spend the rest of the night watching videos of kiwi birds before donating to a kiwi bird charity. i make one phone call to the doctor and i have to lie down for the rest of the day. i am kind, i am fun, i am funny, and i am also like three bad dice rolls away from a breakdown. you can be both of those things. i have nuance.

i'm fine, by the way. it's been a good day. i'm just stressed about publishing because the thought of asking people to pay Human Currency for my work makes me deeply uncomfortable. but we're going to fucking deal with that, aren't we, ryan?

i don't know if this is unprofessional to reveal, but if it convinces one person to pursue a life in writing even though they sometimes take a trip to the Panic Zone, fuck it. i'm fine, you're fine, we're all going to be fine.

we should name our inner dipshits. drop your dipshit names below. ryan is your classic little goblin, but he's dressed like an e-boy. i think he vapes. i hate him.

[ironunderstands]

Would be waiting for acheron brainrot ramble here

Is it time for Acheron brainrot ramble? It’s time for Acheron brainrot ramble. Prepare for the most stream of consciousness post ever, I had so much fun writing this she has taken over my consciousness and puppeted me for my own ends, and commanded me to demonstrate how peak she really is. So enjoy, hopefully I can get others to love Acheron just as much as I do.

I think there are three reasons why I like Acheron 1) she’s really fucking cool 2) I love characters who guide/mentor others 3) She’s charming as hell.

Hoyo you aren’t allowed to make characters this good.

The music in her trailer, her aesthetic, the amount of fire fucking one liners. THE COLOR RED (I’ll get into it)

“Find me, your end, my origin.” Who cooked here who wrote this who’s the chef please where’s the restaurant I’m eating this up

“On the still waters of oblivion, I guide the wandering souls” GRAHAJDJWJKSSW YES YOU DO OH MY GOD I CANT PUT INTO WORDS HOW MUCH I LOVE THIS LINE SHUT UP EVERYONE SHUT UP. Like she literally is at the edge of existence fighting to help others find their future, I just. RAAAA

SHE CUTS A BLACK HOLE IN HALF?? HUHH AUGHH a black hole that’s the manifestation of meaninglessness in the universe, and she goes “nah” and fucking obliterates it?!!?

“I weep for the departed” Those who have died are gone, and slowly losing themselves even further. For decades, centuries, millennia, even, Acheron has witnessed this, and still cries for them, still guides them to the other side, even if the task itself is meaningless, because someone should do it, someone has to do it, and that someone is HER.

She saves Aventurine, she saves the Trailblazer, she saves the entirity of Penacony. Someone blessed by the manifestation of nonexistent dedicates her life to giving others a reason to live.

Aventurine asks her why people should bother living, if the dice are always weighted in a certain outcome, then why should we keep going? Aventurine asks her why people should bother living if the universe is meaningless?

He fully expects her to say people shouldn’t.

But Acheron doesn’t do that. The dice are weighted against us. Not just in game, but in reality itself. We will all die, you will die, the people you care about will die, I might die, it remains to be seen. However, before that inevitable ending, before the curtain finally closes, we have so many choices to make. If the ending is the same for everyone, it doesn’t matter, and Acheron tells Aventurine this.

Because the Nihility envelops everyone equally, the universe is equally meaningless for everyone, nobody is the special someone destined to have a destiny. Therefore, it doesn’t matter. Aventurine has no reason to live. And Aventurine has no reason not to live. She tells him his time hasn’t come, because it hasn’t. Until that dice roll, until his final breath, Aventurine can still make choices and he can still choose to live for himself, and that’s the answer Acheron gives him.

But she knows that’s not enough. Aventurine will still struggle to live for himself, after all he’s been through, after the mountain of expectations and hopes and dreams piled onto him. So she tells him his friend has already given him the answer. Aventurine pulls out the note written by Dr. Ratio. It doesn’t give him a plan, doesn’t inform him of what expectations he has for him, doesn’t list every single reason why Aventurine should keep going. Ratio tells Aventurine to stay alive and keep on living, because he doesn’t need anything more than that, there isn’t anything more than that. Her caring about Aventurine, Ratio caring about Aventurine, that’s enough to keep him going, because other peoples love is enough of a reason to exist, universe be damned.

existing. The Existence. AKSJAKKSNDKKWEN.

Like you don’t understand, you don’t understand. ACHERON IS ENVELOPED IN THE MEANINGLESSNESS OF THE UNIVERSE BEFORE SHE FINDS ITS EXISTENCE, ITS VALUE, ITS MEANING. Even if it can never be achieved, Acheron is willing to destroy herself completely as she walks farther and farther into the Nihility trying to find the Existence, even if it takes every from her she will find it. Only by giving up her existence can Acheron find the Existence and kill the Nihility. Only by sacrificing her own life and giving up her own meaning can she give it to others.

Red. She tells the trailblazer that when they can no longer see the world in anything but black and white, there will be a brief flash of Red for them.

Red is the Existence. Red is the color of her blade that allowed her to cut that black hole in half. Red is the only color left when she unsheathes her sword. Red is the color of the tears she cries. Red is the color of the words she speaks to us that truly matter.

Red is the color she cuts into reality. In a world of black and white, in which all the light has been swallowed by IX, and the path ahead is blurry, Acheron illuminates the universe’s future in bright red, creating color, creating life, creating Existence in a world devoid of it.

We will encounter the Nihility along our journey, just as we would encounter every other aeon. The world will seem meaningless, and it will be devoid of color, but when the Trailblazer needs it the most, there will be Red. A reason to keep going, a reason to exist, a reason to keep on Trailblazing, because the path of the Trailblaze’s end is also at the Existence, and we will meet Acheron there again. Whether that color will come from us or her remains to be seen, but it will be there for us when we need it.

However, I think we/the Trailblazer will be alone. As that flash of red isn’t the only thing Acheron tells the Trailblazer.

Only when left alone can people pick themselves up. Only when help is absent can people truly fight for themselves. Only when you are alone, can you truly understand your existence.

That doesn’t mean other people don’t matter, that you have to walk the world alone, that you can only exist devoid of others. Quite the opposite actually, other people can be your reason to exist, something to help keep you going. Acheron knows this, which is why she directs Aventurine to Ratio’s note. That’s the meaning he can find in a meaningless universe.

Moreover, people help each other, they provide the tools other people need to exist, the anchors that ground people in reality, the reason why you might want to wake up in the morning, they create the things and ideas that you need and enjoy. It’s when you are ripped of these comforts, stripped of the things that make you want to keep going, is when people fight for their existence. As in a world devoid of everything, can you truly appreciate the things you have, and acknowledge that since there is now nothing, you are the only something. When there is no one there to save them, fools pick themselves up, and that is Existence.

I love Acheron. I love her silly amnesiac tendencies, I love her beautiful design, I love that she’s a Mei counterpart, but most of all, I love what she stands for.

Acheron is the indomitable human spirit personified, she quite literally chooses to exist in the face of absolute nothing. When the world loses all color, does she paint reality in a bright red with her sword, writing her own destiny with each and every slash.

And for that, I will always adore her.

[iloveschiaparelli]

Finding out from my mom that I spoke full sentences at 10 months old and then adding that to all my other memories of being young just feels like a punch to the gut

When I first self dxd autism I knew that my experiences from age 10 up were consistent with autism diagnostic criteria but I only had a very vague understanding of how my early childhood was affected. Like I knew that I behaved the same way but I didn't have any specific examples and at first my mom didn't believe me either, so she wasn't much help. I honestly believed that I must not have presented autism in an obvious way, since it was missed in my childhood.

But since then I've realized/learned several things:

I was speaking in full sentences at 10 months old. Typically that isn't supposed to happen until age 3 or 4.

I spoke incessantly. All the time. To the point where my mom still jokes that they had to "train me to stop talking" (what exactly that entailed I have no idea???)

Throughout my life including early childhood people have asked me to slow down when talking or remarked on how fast I spoke

In my childhood and pretty much through out my life pre-depresion, people would remark on how good my memory was. Especially in my early childhood (4-8 years old) I would get comments like this ALL THE TIME, I just remembered literally everything?

I taught myself to read at age 4. Because I wanted to read the same storybook over and over again for a period of over a week at least, and my caregivers were sick of reading it to me and started saying no when I asked. So I said "fine, I'll just read it to myself." I was reading at a 3rd grade level at least. by the time i was 5. When I was 5 or 6, I read The Secret Garden, unabridged. I remember this because I was really into tinkerbell at the time, it had just come out. TSG was my mom's copy of the book from her childhood and I had to confess to her that I had fallen asleep while reading and the paperback cover had fallen off in my bed.

Despite making my way through the book pretty quickly, I did not understand a lick of the meaning. I just took down the sequence of events.

I often sat down and arranged stones or blocks or my dollhouse elements by category, size, or color. I would also spend times trying to make sure the chains on the swinger were perfectly aligned.

I watched Finding Nemo maybe 30 times when I was 1-3 years old. Like I would beg my parents to start it over again immediately after it finished. At the time my parents owned a wall projector instead of a TV, so big picture. I suspect now that I was seeking out a visual stim because I still find that movie delightful.

Also forgot to mention, we lived in Japan when I was 1-2.5 and I started learning Japanese?? I don't remember it but according to my parents I was already using some Japanese words by the time we returned to the US. And I had learned to use chopsticks.

Dinosaur. Arms.

Picky eating that was explicitly known to be a texture issue. Nobody thought to analyze this further.

When I was 6 or so I was exposed to plush blankets for the first time. It became my dream to own one. I bought my first one when I was 19 and now I own like 10 of them because plush is one of my favorite textures in the world. But girls I would literally sit in bed and dream about owning a plush blanket. For years. Every time I went to summer camp and someone brought one for themselves I would stare at it, forlorn. Yearning.

I would read the science homeschool books excessively. I went into 5th grade Earth Science already knowing everything that we were being taught, because I had pored over geology and physical science books since I was 5. Probably about 5 years old is when I was able to explain how volcanoes worked and the layers of the earth. Also the water cycle.

These science books also included my dad's 100 year complete collection of national geographic magazines. At 2 years old I was able to explain the star life cycle and how black holes formed. As well as what would happen if you fell into one.

Once I gained access to the internet at 14 my knowledge of the cosmos expanded explosively. I became able to thoroughly explain multiverse theory, multiple theories for the origin of the universe, a good deal of the geological history of Mars, Mars's atmospheric composition, and could fully explain how solar flares worked, how Earth's magnetic field protected us, and how Mars magnetic field had disappeared taking the atmosphere with it. I was failing biology.

Transfered schools twice and a year later had to start biology over again, this time aced it. DNA replication was simple as pie.

SUCKED at math. Always.

Sucked at socialization.

Hyperfixated on the Maze Runner movies to the point where I had the 2nd one memorized and would read the credits for fun. Got so into the BTS that 5 years later I went to film school.

LOUD music was my faborite coping mechanism. Just about destroyed my hearing because I would, on a nightly basis, play heavydirtysoul on loop through the Brookstone ear buds I had gotten for Christmas at Max volume until I felt calm enough to sleep. Would also squirm with the music which i now know to be an uninformed attempt at stimming.

Just... how did I NOT get screened for autism as a kid? I was literally a textbook case for what likely would have been diagnosed as aspergers at the time.

My parents were somewhat neglectful at that time because of a lot of reasons, but I don't really fault them for it. Sometimes I forget that they even were but then I remember things like this.

Asked my mom about it yesterday "how did you not think me speaking full sentences at 10 months was weird?!!" And her response was "we didn't know!"

They didn't know my dad was autistic.

They didn't know that hitting your milestones 2-3 years early is NOT normal and likely a sign of a disorder.

They didn't know that repetitive behavior and obsessive organizing is not normal.

If they had known...... my childhood would have been so different. I wouldn't have nearly flunked out of college. I wouldn't have grown to hate myself because of my social skills. I wouldn't have had countless episodes of feeling like I was going to explode out of my skin but shoving it down and chewing on my cheek just to get through the social situation. So much would have been different.

This is why it's so important to spread general awareness of autism symptoms and behaviors. Real and varied examples, not just solely sdtereotypes and nonverbal autistic alone. And not just autism either but pretty much any disorder.

Or at least an awareness about what child development is SUPPOSED to look like, so that parents can flag when things aren't normal.

[selfloverrrrrr]

can you please write a fic about female reader non-conning megumi? thank you in advance!

Shy...huh?~

Warning: smut, heavy smut, noncon, unprotected sex, bullying, Yandere, obsession, shy boy Megumi, obsessed reader.....

( All characters are aged up/18+)

Masterlist

Minors Do Not Interact

Read the warnings carefully....if you don't like my stories block me not report

Megumi Fushiguro. The shy guy of jujutsu high. He was handsome af... Who can say he's not good looking? But he was so shy. He doesn't even talk that much. Me, Yuji and Nobara were his only friends. He didn't knew... actually nobody knew I liked him. I'm obsessed with him. And I stalked him...

It was a normal night going on. I knocked Megumi's door. He opened the door after a few minutes. "O-oh ,y/n... You here?" He asked with shaking voice. "Yeah....umm actually... I was trying to sleep...but you know Nobara and Yuji are our for a mission.... So I thought maybe we could watch movies or something" I said. "Oh...umm...y-yeah... it's okey " he said and let me in. 'this can be the chance ' I thought.

We were on his bed watching TV and talking with each other.... The time passed. "y-you want anything?" He asked shyly. I looked at him. " Yes...." I replied. "What?" He asked. "You" I replied. "H-Huh?... I don't understand what you said" he said. I brought my face closer to him and said"I want you " I grabbed his hands and pinned them down . "W-what are you d-doing?" He asked with fear. I sit on his lap. Fear got him by his neck. "Don't be scared.... I'm not gonna hurt you!" I said . I trailed down my hand from chest to his clothed erection. "What do you want???" He asked me with sceared voice. "You....as mine" I replied and started unzipping his pant.

"S-stop" he said. I pulled down his pant and started undoing his shirt. "P-please stopppp....why are you doing this?" he asked. I could hear his breath uneven from fear. " I don't like when other girls look at you " I said while rubbing my hand on his boxer on his erection. His breath hitched. " You are mine.... I hate when those girls of our class looks at you " I said tugging on his boxer. "I don't know... I really don't know what you're saying" he replied. " I don't like when someone stares at something which is mine" I said and pulled down his boxer.

"PLEASE.... Please stop.... please stop" he begged. Tears started forming in his eyes. I grabbed his dick and started stroking it. He squeezed his eyes shut. "What if you want to give someone else what's mine???" I whispered. "I won't...I promise I won't... please just stop... I'm begging you" he said. Tears started falling from his eyes. I licked his chest and bite on his nipple. I heard him groaned at that. I smirked.

I went down to the level of his dick and put it in my mouth. He moaned loudly. I started rubbing my tongue around his dick. His dick was too big. Barely fitting in my mouth. I stroked the rest with my hand. I sucked on his tip harshly and pull out his dick with a 'pop'. I looked at it. His tip became so red I had barely done anything yet. When I pulled out his dick his hips automatically bucked upwards... seeking for release. I smirked at that.

I went up and cupped his chin with my one hand. "Are you a virgin?" I asked. He just looked at me with teary eyes. I tighten my grip on his chin. "I asked you something" I said. He nooded. Tears still falling from his eyes. I smirked. "That means I can make you mine" I said and took off my skirt and pantie. His eyes widened. I lined my entrance with his dick "Please please please y/n please..... I'm begging you.... I don't want this... please....I don't want this" he sobbed. I went down and we both moaned loudly.

I started riding him. Going as fast as I can. We both were moaning like sluts. Noone could ever imagine that his dick could be that long. His dick was touching the deepest parts inside me. I knew I couldn't hold it long. He was still struggling and sobbing and babbling words like 'please stop ' ' I don't want this ' etc. My pussy clenched around him and he moaned out so loudly. After a few minutes we both came together. Megumi became so weak he fell on the bed and I fell on top of him. We both breathing heavily.

"I love you so much.... I love you more than anyone...." I whispered in his ear and kissed his cheek.

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[planefood]

For those of you who don't know I actually live with a pilot (air nz) and we discuss a lot of things about planes when we get the time to. But he always says to me he'd much rather fly in a Boeing than an Airbus either as a pilot or a passenger

which is interesting because I hear so many people saying they'll never fly in a Boeing again due to its recent technical mishaps and company corruption and all that jazz.

His reasoning was in an Airbus a pilot can't easily disconnect from the computers if there's a computer malfunction whereas in a Boeing you can, thats why stuff like Qantas flight 72 happened (if you're freaked out by plane crashes this flight didn't crash and nobody died, but it shows what could happen if a computer malfunctions in an Airbus specifically). But it also means that it's up to the pilot to disconnect from the computers if theres a computer malfunction in a Boeing and some pilots choose not to. But its interesting hearing about the difference between the two from a pilots perspective